#i got the last few hrs tho but that was all the boring stuff . no sky timelapse :(

[picmitsuba]

yashiro nene yashiro nene yashiro nene yashiro nene yashiro nene yashiro nene yashiro nene and hanako i guess  yashiro nene yashiro nene

this is the pilot by the way, before people  ask

[celestie0]

what kind of things do you do at a research lab? sounds like it kinda pays good. also, how was that presentation you had to give a few days ago? 🤔

hiii bb thanks for askingg the presentation went okay it was pretty brief lol i just had to present for something my PI has been researching haha it only took like fifteen minutes

OUU my job is so boring but yes i will indeed yap about it. yeah so i think my day to day varies a lot but i'm a research assistant n help out the doctorates/post doctorates with prepping things for their research so it's like. grunt work LOL but yeah stuff like purifying proteins (i purify a lot of fruit fly proteins since that's the model organism the biochem phd students i work with use) it's just a lot of pipetting and chromatography to make a bunch of little samples that the grad students can use to run their experiments!! some other stuff i do often is do plasmid transformation with agar plates, usually for the botany grad student i work w since he's researching transgenic plants for sustainable agriculture (his research is my faveee it's srs so interesting n he has like a whole walk-in plant chamber at work it's so cute lol) but anyway most of making agar plates is just......suspending n then centrifuging n then suspending n centrifuging SFKJSHL it's boring. yeah n then making buffer solutions, restocking other equipment n calibrating machines, all that stuff

that's kinda 50% of what i do where i'm on my feet, but the rest of it i'm just at my desk n helping my PI w proofreading his research notes bc he doesn't know english very well so i help him out w that even tho technically it's not part of my actual job LOL but it helps me get more hours in at least bc otherwise i'd be working very less. i only have two other coworkers w the same role as me so we try to split up work so my PI doesn't realize it's a one person job n fires two of us but sometimes there isn't much work to split hahah or one of us just accidentally does too much n then the next time i go in im like...there's nothing to do SDJKFHSDK it's kind of case by case cuz the grad students are really bad at telling us what they want us to do ahead of time lol. but still all in all it's pretty cool n def more chill than the hospital jobs i've worked haha

pay is a bit better than most part time jobs for sure, i get $24/hr (idc ab wage transparency hahah) and i work around 25 hrs a week. i used to work a different job after i graduated from july-december of last year that was full time but it was tooooo far from home i had zero work life balance so i just switched to this one n yea it's less hours but that's ok, tbh i kinda wanted a bit of a break before i go back to school and the lighter schedule has been nice. i think it's really helped w my post grad burnout sfkshdkfjd

HOPE THIS DIDN'T BORE YOU TO DEATH IT'S JUST NO ONE'S EVER ASKED ME THIS QUESTION BEFORE NOT EVEN MY FRIENDS LOL SO I GOT CARRIED AWAY thanks for ur ask bb<333

[wanderrlust0]

sorry i wont shut up about this but i feel so conflicted right now!!D; and maybe typing it all out will help???

and I highly suggest to not read this unless you want to be here for an hour reading nonsense LOL

im seeing my bestie friday so im gonna tell her everythinggg and get her opinion on all of this before i see him again in a few days.

i just started to hang out with a "new" friend but it makes my bf uncomfortable and idk what to do about it... and tbh im not going to stop being friends with them:/ ik that sounds kinda shitty on the surface but its like asking me to cut someone off right after getting to know them.

im gonna explain almost all of the context....

okay, so... 2020 was a ruff year. it was covid and quarantine. my mom was super super strict about it. once people began to hang out in small circles bc cdc said it was okay to, while still being careful, i was still not allowed to leave my house. i felt soso isolated and alone and it was def one of my lowest moments. me & my bf were basically in a long distance relationship.. or thats what it felt like. all we had was facetime. he started to hang out with his friend from school more often (i had stuff to say to him about that & its in another post). after a couple of months, my mom finally let us see each other.. but it had to be in my backyard only and we couldn't be close. it was okay at first but after a while we got bored and wanted more. he got impatient and petty about it. i understood where he was coming from but i was trying to be as optimistic as i could, even tho it was hard. its bc even for like the 1-2 hrs i got to see him, it made my day. (my friends were also starting to hangout in their backyards but i never told my mom bc i figured she wouldnt let me go.. but when i told her afterwards, she said she would have..??)

it was getting colder outside which made it harder for us to see each other. it was also just a sucky situation and it was creating some resentment. he wanted to talk with me on ft about it and i knew it would be serious. AND IT WAS. he did most of the talking and it was leading to a breakup. BUT (this is important) he couldnt for the life of him break up with me, let alone say the words.. SO.. he suggested that we do a break. neither of us have done that before but its obvious that it means its temporary and you use that time to figure things out and get some space (we DEFINITELY shouldve been clearer about it). he got emotional and i held mine in. he was saying all these good things about me and how he still wants me in his life and that we can get together again; that we would still talk everyday and be friends. at the time, weve been dating for about a year and a half. right after we hung up i bawled my eyes out and immediately facetimed my best friend in FL.

days go by and me and him are still talking everyday, only in a more friendly, platonic manner. eventually, he starts replying later and later, he turns off his location, and its like i feel forgotten about. im so used to knowing what hes doing that now it feels weird to not know and its hard to adapt to these changes.

I download tinder to find some FRIENDS to talk to (only for girls). he was barely talking to me and i was questioning our friendship relationship (situationship i guess). although i dont remember the details of my profile, i DEF made it clear that i was on there for making friends only. i had no intention of pursuing anyone for a relationship... bc i had my "bf" still. HE clearly went a diff route during our break....too much to unpack there but in the end, it just made him want to come back to me.

So.... Snow (that is their nickname ive given them for tumblr) was one of those people who i chatted with on tinder. theyre female but identify as they/them (i dont think they used those pronouns when we first started talking tho). they msgd first and our convo was actually really long-lasting so we followed each other on IG. (theyre also not the only one i've exchanged IG with so its not like i only gave it to them). Yes, I thought they were pretty when i swiped. sue me. i think many people are pretty. its just me acknowledging when someones aesthetically pleasing. eventually, we talked less and i also went on tinder less. After about a month into me and my bfs break, he begins to talk to me more like he used to. Then he asks if he can see me bc he missed me. Still cant leave my house with him but we hang out and its nice. HE ASKS ME IF I MET ANYONE NEW. i say no and hes like ...really?you sure? I ask him the same and he says no (while breaking eye contact,, literal red flag but i was blindsided). he tells me the truth over FT and that ruined me way more than i let on. (i think he's feeling a similar way now but for diff reasons)

we got back together after and the rest of the year (2021) was super fun. weve now been together for almost 4 1/2 years! since our BREAK NOT BREAKUP (not me @ ing him when he wont even see this) me and snow comment on each others IG posts now and again. for ex, ive said they looked so prettyyy & i would compliment their makeup skills. they would reply in a cute/flattery way. thats how they reply to comments. theyre also very embellished, like with emojis. theyve commented on my pics saying i look cute and hyping me up with compliments as well. it just turned into a natural, mutual thing; idk how else to describe it. its like having an online friend where you only interact thru the comments to show kindness. LOL IDK that sounds corny but yeah. girly things i guess. & then irl its so subdued.

so aside from the comments, we would react to each others stories like once in a blue moon. they posted about watching demon slayer so i said its a good anime. i posted me and my bfs halloween costumes and they said we looked so cute. fast fwd to the end of last yr... we said happy bday to each other and i brought up the idea of possibly hanging out one day if theyre down. so yes, i asked first. they said they would love to and that they were glad i asked bc they were too anxious to ask themselves (mood). im surprised at myself that i even asked but i guess i felt comfortable enough.

(i feel like im writing my own biography omg..) anyways, we get each others numbers and talk about our schedules. we were both very busy so nothing happened. we sporadically made small talk, as one does with their internet friend, over a couple of months. we talked on IG more & also thought about the plans for when we hang out. its now like almost summer and they text me asking if i was free last minute to hang out bc they were gonna be in my town but i was busy.

its now like a month later and i see them at the mall with their friend when i was with my bf. (i already spoke about this so i wont repeat it). after that day, we finally made a day to hang out. bf wasnt happy about it; i tried to reassure him; he saw and still sees them as someone to worry about; he thinks im gonna do something stupid and act out on any fantasies i may have. he knows im bi; he sees snow as someone who looks queer. he thinks that our intentions are to get closer to each other in a way that crosses a friendship.

he saw me listening to a playlist titled sapphic energy. it just consists of songs i enjoy by female artists and ive had that playlist for a long time now. i only edited the title.. but just now i switched it back to what it was before so thats ONE thing "fixed" to make him at ease.

he doesnt believe me when i tell him that my only intention and motive here is to make a good, new friendship. THATS ALL I WANT. AND THATS ALL SNOW WANTS. i can see how it can look like its more from an outside perspective bc of our IG comments but it was not like that in person at all!! it just felt like hanging out with a friend and introducing new things to each other like shows and foods. snow even made it clear that once someone is their friend, they cant see them any other way and that formed to protect their feelings. when we hung out there were literally no signs of feelings or anything that would cross boundaries. i didnt get that feeling i get when i have a crush and lose all my brain cells. by our second hang out we were past any awkwardness and it felt like a regular day out with a friend.

I did look cute that day but i always dress up!!! i dress up like every time i see my bf. i dress up for work. i dress up when im going out with friends. i enjoy fashion and makeup and looking pretty,,

last yr he was using bumble friends and he met up with a guy but they havent hung out since. ive helped him swipe on people before and i was okay with it, except when it was like an attractive girl.. would that be hypocritical of me tho?...idk. we def both get kinda jealous over these things. i can get territorial, like he is mine lol i am his. we would never be open or add a third and the thought of him befriending new females made me nervous. especially after what happened during our break. like idk, that still sticks with me and makes me think of bad feelings..and even more especially now after finding out about what he and his friend did.. but me feeling nervous about that is like what HE is feeling (T-T) I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO HELP AND IT SUCKS. i dont think i catch feelings easily. i dont get butterflies over people easily. im not an openly sexual person.

like. am i being unfair by continuing this friendship? snow doesnt know how he feels about us. idek if its worth telling but im gonna wait till more time passes and see how things go. would him hanging out with us make him feel better?? would it be too weird? he already doesnt like the idea of snow so how would he be in a room with them.

i wanna fast fwd to friday so i can tell my bestie about it and then fast fwd to sunday so i can see him. he is still not back to his usual self when we talk on snap. he tries to save serious confrontations for in person bc he sounds angry thru text so even tho itll make me nervous, i still wanna work this out so it doesnt ruin our relationship.

[chaoticspacefam]

OC Music Meme

I was tagged by @raven-of-domain-kwaad​ , thank you! :D I shall tag (no pressure as always, only if you want to!): @mercurypilgrim​ , @mimabeann, @rainofaugustsith​ , @thelastenvoyyy​ , @a-master-procrastinator and anyone else who wants to do this one, yes, I promise I mean you!

Yaaay another music meme, I LOVE these, as any of my long-term followers/mutuals probably know :P Oh no, Raven what have you done! 🤣🤣

        List one or more songs that relate to the following

*drags Rai and her three consecutive playlists full of songs in here and plops her down proudly* Now I’m not joking when I say combined her three playlists would run for ~10 hrs if I played them all back-to-back. Sooooo for that reason I will be trying to restrict myself to 3-4 songs per “question”, except for the last one which is annotated with an explanation there, ANYWAYS!

reminds you of them most:

Down To The Bottom - Dorothy :: This is a very new one to her playlist (discovered a few days ago), but it still vibes so well with Saarai’s attitude to love, and her need to have some sort of emotional closeness to other people, to love and be loved, or else she just doesn’t function quite right

Up The Wolves - The Mountain Goats :: This was one of Rai’s first EVER theme songs that made it onto her list as I gave the Ahaszaai the backstory that led to them becoming main characters, so it feels only right that I include it here. To me it perfectly sums up her character progression, from a frightened young woman with a lot of skeletons in her closet and no willingness to be a commander of anything or confidence that she could, to a strong and dedicated leader willing to do whatever it takes to protect the people she works with, and make sure that the person who once took it from her family will suffer the righteous justice he deserves for his actions. Oddly enough, Saarai never goes back to take over the Sith Empire as D’leah planned (in Subterfugeverse anyways), they do eventually “come home” and build something of their own with the other members of the Alliance <3 

Bruno Is Orange - Hop Along :: This song is very important too. It makes me feel a lot of things and as I developed more of Saarai’s backstory and began tying everything together, it became an essential part of her backstory. This is 100% a “Saarai Song” in my brain (and I’ve had the script for that meme planned out for over a year, I’ll get to it soon :3), summing up the chaos and her own feelings on what happened with Tsâhis (and her mother and sister’s reactions to finding out about what happened, and Ty, the baby which resulted from that clusterfuck of a relationship)

Someone New - Hozier :: Kinda supplements “Down To The Bottom”, Saarai was a character who puzzled me sexuality-wise for a long time, she has a lot to unpack and a lot of nuances in her attractions, and for a long time (because it is the default for modern media) I tried to shove her in the monogamy box, except...that doesn’t work for Saarai LMAO. I remembered this song existed one day (I think it came up on Youtube shuffle or something) and it was the lightbulb that went on in my head that finally clicked and told me she was actually polyam as well (though ironically I forgot to actually put it in her playlist until @darth-bagel reminded me it existed again a few months ago LOL).

reminds another character of them:

All The Pretty Girls - KALEO :: (Sash - Zephyrverse AU) This one had a few options too, but I think this is the best song that Sash would associate with Saarai. Their relationship was slow burn, although there was near-immediate attraction there, Sash struggled with self-doubt and her own insecurities for a long time, firmly believing that Saarai would get bored of waiting for her to be “ready” to take things further and explore other options (she didn’t. They’ve been married something like 20+, nearing 30 years now, you’re stuck with her sweetie <3)

The Last of the Real Ones - Fall Out Boy :: (Lana - Subterfugeverse) “I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you, but not as much as I do.”  Lana wasn’t looking for Saarai when she found her, but Lana wouldn’t have it any other way. Though Lana is a big pillar of support for Saarai, and Saarai in turn is the social “glue” that holds the Alliance together, what many people don’t realise is that the feeling is mutual and Lana relies upon her just as much. Saarai’s dependable, and trustworthy, even if sometimes she makes Lana want to roll her eyes into the ceiling because of her antics, she wouldn’t want to change her for anything, it’s that part of Saarai that she secretly loves the most because it reminds Lana that it’s okay to unwind and have fun or be silly every once in a while, especially with the people you love.

Shut Up And Dance - WALK THE MOON :: (Koth - Subterfugeverse) Koth’s relationship with Saarai took a lot longer to develop into something openly romantic because Saarai had a lot of stuff to work through before she could accept her own feelings for him, but the cantina party at the end of KOTFE was the moment that Koth realised she was comfortable with him, because it’s the first time she really opened up to him, the first time she asked him to do anything together, and the first time she didn’t flinch or jump away from him when he touched her.

reminds you of a relationship of theirs, doesn’t have to be romantic, can be paternal, friendly etc.: I’m taking that as an invitiation to do a song for each of the main ones of any kind and that means this one has like six songs because...Saarai has a lot of influencial relationships in her character arc, I’m sorry (but not really) :’)

Broken Crown - Mumford & Sons :: Saarai & D’leah (Familial, It’s Complicated). This one is probably gonna be the “controversial” song of this post but you know what I’m gonna do it anyway. Saarai and D’leah have a very complicated relationship, because on the one hand Saarai does love her mother very much in spite of the horrible things she said and did, and on the other...the last thing that she wants is to turn out like her. And sometimes, sometimes you gotta call your mom out on her toxic shit. Hey Brother - Aviici :: Saarai & Ni’kasi (Familial Love). “What if I lose it all? Oh sister, I will help you out. Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you...there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.” The “brother” part does not apply to the twins, gender-wise, but the essence of this song is undoubtedly Saarai & Ni’kasi’s relationship. When Saarai thought she had no-one else, Ni’kasi was there to pick up the pieces and get her back onto her feet. They’re ride or die till the very end, wherever Saarai leads, she knows Ni’kasi will follow her.

Son of A Gun - Lord Huron :: Saarai & Tsâhis (Romantic ”Love”, though I’mma be very clear here that he was a manipulative abusive asshole, but Saarai loved him so...quotation marks. Y’get it yeah? Good.) “Well she fell in love with that son of a gun, but he was not the man that she took him for.”  This line in particular sums it up. Saarai was young, naive and a perfect target for someone like Tsâhis to take advantage of because she didn’t know any better and believed him when he said he “loved her”, only for him to pull the rug out from under her feet later on. (he got his tho, don’t worry 😈)

Youth - Glass Animals :: Saarai & Tyûk (Maternal Love). This is the closest I can find to a song that sums up their relationship, I have a lot of thoughts about it but there are very few songs (that I’ve found) that touch upon the essence of Saarai & Ty’s relationship. D’leah chose to blame Ty for his father’s actions, Saarai chose the opposite. She chose to love him in spite of what his father had done to her, and to make sure he grew up feeling safe, loved, and learnt to be better than that.

Curses - The Crane Wives :: Saarai/Sash (Romantic Love) Both Saarai and Sash have had difficult pasts, with a lot of emotional trauma, and they both had hurdles they had to overcome in order for their relationship to truly work and stay healthy. But with each others’ support, they’ve managed it and are all the closer for it. If you asked either of them where “home” was, they’d say the other’s name.

Sorry I Stole Your Girlfriend - Stereo Skyline :: Saarai/Lana/Koth (Romantic Love). Okay, I really really wanted to pick a more serious song from their playlist for them, BUT....this song is the song that started this ship in my brain so here we are. LMAO  Originally, this popped into my brain as an idea of  Saarai’s response to Koth’s attempt at getting between them in that scene of KOTFE on the Gravestone. Koth and Saarai’s moral compasses are very similar and I wanted them to sit down and have a proper, healthy discussion about their feelings instead of becoming enemies and sort of agreeing not to hold a grudge against each other, though I didn’t expect for that piece to get away from me and for Saarai to end up developing feelings for Koth too, I can’t say I’m unhappy with it. I love them and I will fight anyone who tells me I can’t make them an OT3, I can, I will, and I have. >:) (Healthy Polyam Good, Love Triangles Are Fucking Stupid (tm). No I am not taking criticism on this lmao) Though Saarai & Koth’s relationship isn’t sexual in any way, they love each other just as much as they love Lana, just express it differently. So even though the snideness of this song doesn’t really apply to them, I kept it in their playlist and it also became their ship name because it was too good to pass up, though “Stole” is in inverted commas as it’s definitely more of an inside joke between the three of them than actually seriously accusing them of stealing each others’ girlfriend. 🤣 (as always, Saarai & Koth thinks it’s hilarious, Lana rolls her eyes at the stupid pun but also secretly thinks it’s funny as hell)

[hadi-sama]

Super Late Kalafina 10th Anniversary Live Report!

This was my first Kala live ever, basically a dream come true and I couldn't contain my happiness and nervousness! (Special thanks to @putschki1969 for all her tutorials, this wouldn't have been possible for me without her!) I arrived at the venue around 3 pm (3 hrs before the live, 1 hr after the goods sale has started), and my god, THAT QUEUE!! I've never seen such a queue in my entire life.. at this point I wondered if I could make it on time.. but I queued anyway, and I ended up buying for some of my friends too. Anyway, my turn finally came and it was 6:15 pm.. I freaked out and the fact that most of the things I wanted was sold out already did not help at all lol, so I ended up pointing at stuff to the salesperson like a maniac and my hands were shaking when i tried to get out my money xD Now less than 10 mins are left!! I ran to the first floor and thankfully some staff guided me to my seat. The view was great and my seat was the first in the line so there were just stairs to my right, meaning I had extra space to jump around. The lights started dimming, music started playing, and I started shaking xD The girls came up on stage on a platform and I clapped and screamed like a maniac. Now to the actual concert: 01.ring your bell: Hikaru and Keiko started out okay, Wakana joined and was flat AF xD I was like noooo Wakana please don't continue like this, and thankfully she adjusted and became perfect. Wakana actually sounded so good I was quite surprised, and her 2nd high "beeeeeell" sounded great and perfectly pitched, much better than their other live releases. I don't like this song, but was a good warm up for them I guess.. 02.未来: Almost everyone in the venue stood up and got excited for this. 03.lirica: This was extremely unexpected for me, I remember dropping my jaw when Keiko announced it in the MC, and I also remember hearing ppl around me saying huuuh in surprise.. My god, was this a perfect performance in every way.. Wakana was pitch-perfect and sounded SO GOOD in her verses!!! Keiko harmonized perfectly too, and Wakana's high chorus was great too, and Hikaru's harmonization was so good. Now to the Kajiurago bridge.. KEIKO KILLED IT!!! Was so deep and filled Budokan!! I really wanted to jump/scream/clap after her solo, but wouldn't be appropriate for this kind of song lol. Great great great performance. Bonus thoughts: The strings in the verses were great, and it was so fun to look at the band picking their strings in this part! I hope they show some footage of them in the release! 04.満天: YES!! MANTEN!! was a nice follow-up to Lirica. Wakana sounded great (at this point I realised that Wakana will dominate this live) Hikaru was fine. Keiko was good in her solo, but I really miss the way she used to sing it in 2012-2013 with some vibrato to "deshoooou", but it sounded good anyway. 05.屋根の向こうに: I have only heard this song once or twice in my life lol, was quite surprised to see it make an appearance! I didn't know it was popular at all! 06.光の旋律: I know this song is overplayed, but I really enjoy it, and was happy to see it. Hikaru was good in her verses, much like 9+one. Wakana was great, Keiko was great too (but kinda loud and screaming at times) and her solo was good also. Hikaru's high harmonies were great (a few flats here and there, so those of you who think that her high harmonies in this song are always playback, they are NOT playback). Bonus thoughts: The flute was so good, I'm so happy that Akagi-san was there, 07.storia: Eh.. I don't like this song, but they were good. 08.夏の林檎: WHAT?!!! NATSU NO RINGO?!?! At this point I wondered if this was real xD Too many surprise appearances so far!! And they performed it the way they did in Red Day, with Wakana and Hikaru switching parts. 09.serenato: So.. the accordion started.. and I definitely realised it was Serenato (there were minor hints in the solo). I KNEW they'd perform this! My happiness could not be contained!! THAT PERCUSSION THO!! They started with their kajiurago, THEY ALL KILLED IT!! Hikaru sang using her falsetto, and it was on point, provided a more calming atmosphere to the song than her old regular voice singing (tho way less fierce). Wakana was on fiiiiiirrrrrreeeeeeeeee!! It was obvious that she was enjoying this song!! Keiko was great in her harmonies, and Hikaru as well. I REALLY can't wait for the live release!! 10.ARIA: Oh shit.. The moment of truth.. My heart started pounding so hard..  This is one of my absolute fav songs and I have a strong emotional connection to it! The song started in a lower key, as expected (one key lower). Hikaru started singing.. HER VERSES WERE SO GOOD!! The lower key really suits the song and makes it sound way more tragic, sad and lonely. She sang in a very very very sad and broken way, and you can actually see all those feelings in her face :( Wakana and Keiko were also great with their harmonies. Wakana sang her chorus lines beautifully. Solid performance overall, my favorite ARIA ever. Bonus thoughts: I really love this new ARIA, and prefer Hikaru's way of singing here and this key over the old one, it suits the lyrics way more, It brought tears to my eyes and made me cry like a baby. The cello was more present, and really added to the song’s atmosphere. Percussion was very very very good, it's good to finally see this song with percussion!! 11.sprinter: wait what Sprinter NOW this early in the setlist why xD?!?! Hikaru did good (I especially LOVE how she sang the “Kaze ni..” verse. Keiko was on point, a bit loud at times tho. Wakana was great. 12.oblivious: Of course, wouldn't be an anniversary live without it. Hikaru started in falsetto (like 9+one), she was so good. Wakana and Keiko were great, and their "itsuka kimi to.." part was very emotional. Solid performance. 13.傷跡: Another surprise appearance!! Was a great performance by all three, Hikaru was great with her high harmonies, Wakana and Keiko also great with their solos and harmonies. This live can't get any better; I thought to myself. 14.君が光に変えて行く: YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!! MY FAV SONG UGH SOMEONE HELP I CAN'T!! But then.. Keiko sings with her cutesy voice. Someone needs to tell Keiko to stop using that voice forever, please. Wakana DELIVERED!! Aaaaah Wakana was so good!! :(((  Hikaru’s harmonies were on point. Great performance EXCEPT WHEN KEIKO WAS USING THAT CUTESY VOICE. Sorry I'm still mad about it and can't get over it. 15.カンタンカタン: This is too much, at this point I got overwhelmed by the amount of good songs in this live. Wakana sounded MUCH BETTER than the studio version!! Hikaru's solo was nice. Keiko AGAIN used her fake cutesy voice for her solo :((( to me, that's basically the highlight of the song, so I was very disappointed, even though she hit her notes perfectly. I know in the studio version there are hints of cutesy in her solo, but it didn't matter much. Anyway, solid performance overall and Wakana sounded kinda more sad. 16.symphonia: Not a fan of this song, didn't pay much attention. 17.red moon: YeeeeY finally a song I voted for! I was so excited and scared at the same time, cuz their last performance of this song (arena) was so dead. Hikaru and Keiko's kajiurago start was perfect, Wakana started singing and.. was kinda lacking energy.. Keiko's harmonising was SO GOOD throughout the whole song. Hikaru sounded kinda tired but was doing her best. Keiko's final solo was great and gave me goosebumps. Wakana's delivery lacked energy overall, but she hit all her highs and lows perfectly. 18.adore: What? Is this AE Live xD? Was a nice performance overall. 19.to the beginning: I like this song, I know it's overplayed but it was my introduction to Kalafina, so it has a special place in my heart. Was a solid performance for such a hard song.

20.progressive: I also knew this would be performed, the stage got lit in rainbow colors, was so cool. A solid performance by all three! Hikaru was able to perform this song and did so well! I enjoyed this performance. 21.音楽: Of course, wouldn't be a Kalafina Live without Ongaku xD Was a nice performance with a MAJOR WaKei moment <3333 Keiko ran to Wakana right before her solo and jumped on her and hugged her so hard xD was super cute!! All 3 were great, and my god this is my fav Wakana-Ongaku ever!! Her solo WAS SO GOOD! The band introductions this time were nice, not as boring as they were before.

 Bonus thoughts: Wakana was REALLY having fun, dancing so hard and jumping around.. I've never seen her this excited before.

22.heavenly blue:  A solid performance. 23.into the world: I can't get myself to like this song. Solid performance by all three tho. 24.君の銀の庭 Accordion solo ver. ～ nightmare ballet (inst): I'm sorry but I took this chance to run to the restroom xD (sorry if this sounded disrespectful but I REALLY had to go :’(  25.ひかりふる: Started with a piano solo, and the girls came in with wedding dresses.. I was like WTF why the wedding dresses xD they were nice anyway and fit the song. The song started with just Wakana and the piano.. was absolutely wonderful and breathtaking :(((( they all sounded more emotional! The drums and the whole band kicked in together right before Hikaru's "hakanasugite.."!! WAS SO GOOD!! Major goosebumps! Keiko's "mabushii asaaaaaaaa.." was great, but I think she held it longer in the Arena Live. Beautiful beautiful performance. 26.百火撩乱: So Akagi-san came, and started playing a flute solo, very Japanese-sounding, so I knew what the next song would be. The girls started taking off some parts of their wedding dresses to reveal their "real dresses" under lol. I still laugh at how Hikaru was throwing away her wedding dress like a piece of trash xD Anyway, the instrumental part started, and the stage was illuminated in red. Keiko started her lines (Wakana didn't harmonise "yume wo miteeeeee"), Keiko was nice.. but I prefer how she sang in the studio version :/ I don't know how to explain it, but in the studio version, she sang like "naitaaa, omottaaa, kittooo, yoru nooo", but here in this live she ended them very abruptly and suddenly, like "naiTa, omoTTa, kiTTo, yoru No". In other words, the last syllables of those words were 3 three times shorter than the studio version, and that annoyed me so much, made the verses sound less powerful. (I hope someone actually understood what I meant xD). Hikaru sounded nice. Wakana, sang wonderfully, and took less breaths in the chorus, which sounded better for the song. Keiko's "yaibaaaaa" was much better and longer than the studio version. (Forgive my super picky and detailed review of this performance, but HR one of my favs and I spent a long time to cover this song so I know pretty much everything about this song in detail.) Bonus thoughts: The flute was super good. 27.アレルヤ: A perfect ending song to the concert. Was a very emotional performance, and all three delivered beautifully, and the WaHi harmonies were great this time. I also like Hikaru in this song. Keiko really did sing well here too. My fav Alleliua performance ever. So the concert ended, and the girls looked super duper emotional and moved, Wakana cried in her speech, Keiko took a few deep breaths before her speech and spoke with a super shaky voice then turned her face away and cried, Hikaru was smiling and waving to the audience section by section. Overall, a very solid concert, I am so happy I got to experience such a concert, solid setlist, solid performance, and more songs than usual. Highlights: ARIA, Serenato, Lirica, KantanKatan, Kimi ga, Natsu no Ringo. General Notes: - For such an event, I expected way more in terms of stage production and crowd involvement, but oh well they made up for that with the extra squeezed in songs. - Wakana was on fire pretty much the whole concert, she literally dominated, and was having a good time and dancing around and having fun. I really couldn't take my eyes off her. I hope they show more of her in the live release. - Keiko was great too, she harmonised perfectly and delivered her solo lines greatly (except for when she used her FAKE CUTESY voice). Was sometimes screaming and singing loudly tho. - Hikaru sounded good on some songs and tired on some, but you could definitely see that she was doing her best. (It was really cold that day and I’m almost sure she had a cold) - The first dresses were nice, though Wakana's dress was my personal favorite, it looked much much much much much better in real life than in pics, it was sparkly and elegant, it fit her perfectly. Keiko's dress was okay, nothing special in my opinion but the colors were super nice, reminded me of their 2014 tour dresses. Hikaru's dress was very very nice, but I didn’t like the baggy sleeve, would've looked much better if it was fitted. - I don't know what to think of the wedding dresses, a part of me likes them and the other part thinks they're over the top and unnecessary. They made more sense when they took them off, Wakana looked so weird though with her long skirt lol, the other two were very nice. - I was sure they'd play Marchen in its REAL version with the flute this time, but nope I was wrong. I'm too disappointed, I really wanted to see it live and it's a recent song and has only been performed in one tour while INTO THE WORLD has been performed way more. Also no Magia or Destination Unknown made me sad, I really wanted to see Hikaru sing them live :( - Budokan is such a beautiful venue inside-out! I imagined it to be MUCH MUCH bigger inside but it turned out to be way smaller than I imagined xD. - The percussion added A LOT of depths to some songs! Percussion should really be a staple in their tours.

[rezilient-m3]

November 20, Child Tax Day. Haha jk. It's a Friday night, late, so 21st. But I'm here at my parent's house, with the kids. We came Wednesday, so they missed school Thursday and today. Got the news my kokum (grandma) wasn't going to make it through the night on Tues. She held on until last night (Thurs) at 10:17. She was 90. Had Alzheimers for, about, 10 ish yrs.

What I want to talk about is my emotions, or lack thereof, at the moment. I know how that sounds, and it's not what I mean. I'll explain lol. But for those of you reading all of these things, or remember the part where I was adopted, this is my dad's mother. So, not my blood relative. That shouldn't matter right? But back when I found out I was adopted, and my parents weren't really my parents, I was very young and confused. This is where my counselor mentioned something about the "rupture" in my relationships I had with my family. It never really occurred to me, until recently, that I had an identity crisis at the time. But, overall, I lost who I thought I was. So, with that, my little brain thought that, "if he's not my 'real' dad, then he (and his whole side of his family and ours) must not take me as theirs." Idk why I thought that, or how it started, but I was convinced that's how everybody felt. That caused me not to try to build relationships with anybody from that side, including my kokum, and maybe even my dad. Like, I was there, at gatherings, or visiting at her house when my dad would take us. I told her I loved her and she even babysat sometimes and made us teenie, child sized bannocks for me and my twin brother. We even called her kokum bannock. But, that feeling of insecurity and not being fully accepted was always present. EVEN THOUGH they've never flat out said it and were always nice to me. I just had always felt like an outcast. And maybe, on some level, I still do.

When she died last night, fb was flooded with family members posting pictures of themselves with her, either old and recent. Me? I have nothing. That made me sad. And seeing her laying there in her bed, I couldn't help but feel guilty, and sad, and sorry I didn't try harder before.

What I meant about the "lack" of emotions was, last night, when we got the call, me and my dad were closing the store. Earlier we were all at the hospital, near our reserve, so we had all just finished seeing her a few hours before. Anyways, his brother called to tell him. I knew exactly what had just happened. I wanted to cry. But, at the moment, we were waiting for a lady to come shop from the next town over cuz she didn't know our hrs changed due to covid. So, I didn't want to cry, to make him cry. And he didn't cry. He was weirdly calm. Totally not what I was expecting because he was the closest one to his mother than all of his siblings. But, maybe he really is okay with her passing. She isn't suffering anymore. That's what he says... Anyways, we didn't cry. The lady came, he told her the news. My little sister/niece thing came in, with eyes that had just finished crying. But we didn't say much. The lady customer left, and we got all our stuff to leave, and still, didn't say much. My sister J (sister/niece thing's mom) was sitting outside obviously crying, and my dad went to the passenger side, to my niece and made a joke to laugh. That has always been his coping mechanism, was to make jokes in awkward, weird, sad times. Then we came walking home. I wanted to ask if he was okay, or hug him to make sure, or let out my cry; but nothing happened. We just came home. My mum and sister R were sitting at the table, and again, not much was said. He just said we'll figure out what to do im the morning, then, he went to his room. I sat down looking at my phone, at the pictures everyone was sharing, contemplating whether if I should make one without a picture. I even contemplated if I should make a post about what I'm writing about now. But, made the right choice by not writing anything because THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME. Lol. I had to write it out tho, cuz it's been heavy on my mind.

I told my dad about some of my feelings on our road trip today. He just told me I always was and always will be his girl. So, I'm content in our relationship. I'm glad things totally turned around, because he is always what I need. That year I separated from Alex is what really made me and my dad closer. I can never be grateful for it, even though that year I was hurting. But it will always be my silver lining in that dark period.

I didn't mean to stray from speaking about my kokum, by going on about me and my dad. My point is, my relationships with this side of family are improving. Not so much with the cousins, I still feel like they're not my 'real' cousins. Idk why. But what I mean is, with my dad and his brothers. I feel closer to these men than I ever did. And I'm happy for it.

Plus, I just realized I wasn't finished about the lack of emotions now. I wanted to cry the moment I heard. But now, I feel like I don't feel anything. Like, how I always feel when something happens. Like, "something bad, or sad, has happened, BUT I think I'm okay." Or pretending. Idfk. Bet I'll be hysterical at the funeral tho. No doubt about that.

I just meant, my counselor had mentioned something about our reptilian brain, and how it works when something traumatic happens to us. To all of us, we go into some type of mode, and it depends on how we deal with it. And, for me, it might be that I shut down. Like, I go into a mode where I don't let myself process or deal with it properly. I think I've me tinned it before. But idk. Trying to work on my shit lol.

I hope I made sense. And I think I've said what I needed to say. I'm tired now. This took a long time to type lol. I'm sorry if my posts are boring at times, but it's just what's on my mind.

Later ppl. ✌

[ghost-town-story]

... The more I sit here and am allowed to think, the more pissed off and upset I get

Rant blog status reinstated!

So firstly, I’m not happy about getting kicked off campus. But social distancing shit, whatever I guess, whatcha gonna do. 

But no. My fucking mother takes the goddamned fucking cake rn. 

We got the email about being kicked off around 4 pm eastern time, Monday. My mother. This fucking woman. Calls me and insists I pack my stuff and get off campus by Tuesday morning. Packing is normally at least a few days ordeal, especially since I hate packing and it always stresses me out a bunch. But done in little spurts, okay I guess, more doable. 

But noooo I have to get out by Tuesday. Fucking. Morning. And this woman actually has the gall, the fucking gall to halfheartedly suggest I start out Monday evening since I’ve gone nocturnal. 

I tried to tell her there’s no fucking way, but she wouldn’t fucking listen. So she hangs up, and I go down the hall bc I desperately need a hug by this point, and she’s a sweetheart but the only roommate available is a gangly skinny girl and not the type of hugs I need. (really, boyfriend would be ideal, but at the time he was in Colorado visiting his sister). And I end up breaking down on huggin friend’s couch bc I hate packing, and I don’t feel like I can pack up a year’s worth of shit in about 12 hours. 

Mom eventually calls me again, mostly just to tell me “yeah you need to pack up and get back tonight, your roommate can grab the 1-2 bins remaining.” And she refuses to listen to me saying “hey, it’s a solid 2 loads in my car, it’s not gonna be 1-2 bins”  “But it fit all in your first car!” “My first car was a fuckin beast, literally the largest car in the lot freshman year. Fred is definitely shorter, definitely less trunk space, etc.”  “Well Y can get the last few bins.” “It’s a lot of stuff!” “It won’t be that much” JUST FUCKING LISTEN YOU PIECE OF SHIT FFS

I was so stressed and crying that huggin friend stole my phone when I was texting my boyfriend, and had him call me so I could maybe stop crying. I miss my boy. Hearing him was good tho.

I’m packing up my stuff in the bathroom when I remember. I store my empty bins at my brother’s place (2 hrs north). I double check with him and call my mom back “I can’t leave tomorrow. It’s too much to pack, and some of my bins are at Brother’s.”  Despite all this, despite me literally breaking down and crying on the phone, she refuses to listen, to give me an extra day, to bring half my stuff up to my brother’s (and therefore eliminate most of the need to have my roommate take my stuff) and grab my extra bins. Nope, gotta get out.

I was staring at my room, halfheartedly packing and trying to figure out, and just sobbing out loud. I thought remaining roommate was gone at dinner, otherwise I would have tried to be quiet. But she had gotten back without me noticing, and when she poked her head in, I couldn’t do it anymore and just kinda. Fell to the ground crying and apologizing. She’s a such a sweetheart and I feel bad for probably worrying her (and possibly waking her up in the middle of the night with packing noises)

I texted my roommate about this. She basically said, “Wtf, what she’s asking isn’t possible.”

Same thing from my boyfriend. 

My mom kept texting me, asking how things were going, basically ignoring my subtle requests for more fucking time. At one point she said “Hang in there”. I sent a screenshot of that to my roommate and boyfriend and asked, “Is murder acceptable?” Roommate said a solid yes. Boyfriend offered to let me live with him. (cept 2 hour parking and I already got one ticket from that :P)

Mom texted around 10 pm, asking if things were fitting in the car. I wasn’t even remotely to the point of packing the car. I was basically at break number 2 of mandatory “sit down, have something to eat, and rehydrate after crying so damn much”. I think I had one bin completely done (out of what ended up being like. 6 bins? plus assorted bags n stuff) and was mostly done packing my clothes, but like. slow going. Especially when packing is stressful and you keep getting overwhelmed woot woot

I put off a fair number of things bc of panicking about time and simple emotional capability to do so. Sorting out my dishes, unlofting my bed, grabbing my band shit from the music hall across campus.

At some point in the night, I had to lay down, because my body decided “hey, you know what would be great right now? Period cramps, minus the blood.” Which, thank fuck minus the blood, but also it meant I had to spend a solid half hour/hour out of commission bc it hurt so damn much to walk around and try to pack. But I had to keep going, even though the pain came back when I stood up again.  

Mom texted me at 7 am if I’m awake. I hadn’t slept. 

We have housekeepers, and they got there around when I was finishing loading up. I stopped and chatted for a bit (nobody had told them what was going on), and nearly started crying again because it was just so damn shitty. Everything’s so damn shitty. 

So I got on the road at about 8 am, and get to driving for a bit, but about 1.5 hours in I’m doing bad. I can barely keep focused, despite drinking probably half a bottle of Mt. Dew by this point, so I pull into a rest stop and text my mom “Hey, I forgot my shampoo/conditioner/toothbrush stuff, and also I don’t think I can get home safe.”

Does my mother tell me to take a nap in that rest stop? Nope Does she tell me to find a hotel or motel there and take a nap/sleep and try again tomorrow? Nope Does she tell me I can go back to school, sleep through the day, and try again tomorrow? Ha ha fucking ha.

Nope. She calls me, and proceeds to tell me to keep driving, and that she’s going to stay on the phone with me so I don’t fall asleep. 

I yelled at her quite a few times, when she was being fucking stupid about all this shit. She had the fucking gall to be pissed that I pulled an all nighter, when that’s what was fucking necessary to meet her stupid fucking deadline. 

At one point, I made a new driving playlist so hopefully it would keep me awake better while I wasn’t on the phone (being serenaded... awake? by the lovely voice of Tilian lel (lots of DGD and his solo work on that playlist. Also ATL. Fuck yeah ATL. anywho)). And right after I made that, she ended up calling me before I was driving yet, and I rejected it bc I really wanted to finish my text to the dear bf, and then I started driving, thinking she’d call me back and chew me out for ignoring her, but surprisingly nope. So I just jam out for a bit, and eventually start yelling at myself bc of dumb writing ideas (the original story rewrite... lol) and I end up texting my roommate (while driving... shh) “Hey, feel free to call me if you want to hear me ramble on about writing” So after a short phone call from mum where she hung up to let me drive through a city, roommate calls, and I end up spending the last few hours of my drive rambling at her and mutually bitching about the shitty situation this leaves us in. 

When I get home, my dad (a doctor) is wearing a mask, apparently at my mother’s request. He also mentions that we probably shouldn’t be in the same room, according to her. I am also forced to strip everything and shower basically immediately. K, fine, I do so, Dad makes me dinner (despite Mom’s probable disapproval), and I stay awake just long enough to toss my laundry in the dryer. It was a close thing tho. I nearly fell asleep waiting for the washer to finish. And so I pass out at 8 pm central time (9 pm eastern)

Mom, during all this, has fucked off Up North to our cabin, my final destination.

Wednesday, Mom makes me leave our place in the Cities at 11 am to get up before weather gets worse and all that jazz. Once here, I’m allowed freedom for as long as it takes to help mother move shit so I can fit my car inside a garage, then I take the bare minimum inside (my electronics, stuff that would explode if frozen (like pop (and my Smirnoff Ices shh)), travel toothbrush I somehow have and hairbrush), and I’m immediately quarantined to my room and the bathroom down the hall. 

So here I fucking am. Bored as shit and pissed the hell off

I needed more time. But no fucking way Mom was going to let that happen. 

I could have gone up to my brother’s. But noooo I had to come all the fucking way home, only to be shoved in a room for two weeks.

I could have taken care of all/most of my shit by my fucking self (dishes are debatable, would need basically the whole apartment to sort those out), but nope, can’t take enough time to take a trip up to my brother’s apartment 2 hours away, no way.

Nope, instead I have to suffer a panic attack for basically 16 hours, then nearly kill myself driving, because I can’t stay one fucking day more, because I have to get my ass up here just to be basically shoved in a room and left alone for 2 goddamned weeks. Nope. Can’t fucking make sure that moving out, usually stressful on its own, is as calm as we can make it in these trying times. Nope. Gotta just fucking nearly kill the kiddo instead to comply with my stupid whims because I can’t fucking listen

I’m pissed.

Especially since I was almost 100% sure I was gonna block her everywhere and go full no contact with this bitch after college.

But now I’m stuck here for the foreseeable future! Yay! Can’t see that going badly! 

(I’ve already texted the anonymemers to call me so I don’t go crazy and actually punch her. We’ll see how that goes. The desire has been kinda strong all afternoon.)

Fuck

This

Shit

[supermiriosunshine]

[bangs pots and pans together] IM DOING A THING

Rules: tag 20 blogs u’d like to kno better (im not doing that but mutuals are welcome to do this and tag me nd stuff)

tagged by @minako-exe

Nicknames: Undyne nd Yumi, no one really uses my real names online unless they really wanna nab my attention

Zodiac: Virgo

Height: 5′3

Last thing googled: griffin mcelroys twitter bcause BOI

Favorite music artist: rn prob Mystery Skulls

Song stuck in head: none rn, usually it tends to be a fob song like Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes or PATD’s Build God Then We’ll Talk . i was singing Unstoppable by mystery skulls a while ago

Last Film watched: Finding Dory

what i’m wearing: my pjs which is really just a shirt nd shorts

what do i post: good question i’ll let you kno when i figure that out

im joking i mainly rb text posts/pics i find funny, my fandom shit like jjba, fe, ow, etc and anything going on in the news/things happening 

why’d i pick my url: i got sick of princeryoma and i liked camilla as a character better also fuck drumpf 

other blogs: i mean i run @dirty-overwatch-confessions w/ a few other peeps

Past Relationships have taught me: i have never been in a relationship outside of friendship and honestly rn could care less abt being in one

religious or spiritual: no?

fav color: light blues! yellow and orange are also favs of mine.

avg hrs of sleep: idk like 7? i’ve been getting better at getting sleep

lucky numbers: 5 and 15

fav character: i have a fav chars pg but like some of’em arent listed like reigen i’ve been meaning to upd8 it. basically any character that has a tag for themself is most likely a fav character of mine

how many blankets do i sleep with: 1. sometimes i’ll feel like too warm tho and wriggle myself out of most of it

dream job: video game designer/ something video game related

board games, video games, or tabletop games: B OI;;; TF YOU THINK IS MY ANSWER;;;;

ITS THOSE                                 GO         D DAMN .......

                    BIDYA GAMES.....

any OCs?: yea i got like 70ish of’em. probably more really. too many. there’s too many rowdy bois gals nd pals. they all need my attention.

one thing i wish was canon in a fiction: fix fates just go back and fix the characters remove the marriages to the royal fam fix the one trait characters remove the kids (like yall i like some of’em but they were just so unnecessary) just fix it. we’ll start there.

fav things to draw/write/think abt: i tend to wander when it comes to what i think abt but usually it pertains to whatever game/thing has my attention. like earlier i was watching pokemon vids and the gamer i was watching put in incineroar against a fighting type and i wanted to rip my laptops monitor off

strangest song i like (link if u can): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAKy6m83yME (best listened w/ headphones)

book/story/fanfic read recently: whenever im bored i tend to hop over to like imagine/hc/fic blogs that write stuff for the fandoms im in. the stuff i read tends to be frm fluff to angst/nsfw, whatever i see that i feel like reading

like for example heres some hcs: http://lovehotelreservation.tumblr.com/post/157405710965/since-reigen-can-be-pretty-confident-but-also

im too lazy to tag but like any mutuals who wanna do this they can tag me nd keep this cycle spinning

[n-ph]

2k16

wow it’s been awhile since i’ve written one of these. i just realized that i totally didn’t write one last year. anyway i dont even know where to begin. 2016 has been an interesting year to say the least. i was rereading some of my old posts and i said omg a lot. the days just seem to go by in a blur nowadays, so i will try to recap 2016 as best as i can. i dont have a word to encompass this year though.

went to seattle in january. tried some really expensive sushi..twice..holy crap. the quality was a1 but man the bill was something else. seattle was nice though. definitely had a san francisco vibe to it, except for when you go to the waterside and look back at all the construction. i guess we kinda ran out of things to do bc on the last day we went to chinatown and the area seemed really dinky. also gained a ton of weight in seattle though u_u

in february we tried 5a5 steakhouse. and let me tell u. it is the best beef i have ever had. it is also the most money i have ever spent on a single meal. oh my god. i dont know if i'll ever be back, but i would like to, some day.

thus far, the semester was pretty okay. let's see..i had government accounting with a moody professor who would throw tantrums whenever no one participated. i also had business law with this old guy who was really lively and fun. i had strategic management with a bryan cranston look alike. the class was really interesting though and i learned a lot and it got me started on reading the economist lmao im so old. i miss having so much free time that came with school. 40 hour work weeks are not the life (even if i barely do anything at work).

went to LA during spring break. and at a good time too bc it was still the soft opening of harry potter world so the lines were v manageable. butterbeer was dope. the entire hogsmeade village just felt so real. had sooo much good food in LA omg. got to see some friends as well. had some of the best steak frites ever.

i cant believe i particpated in asu's talent show this year. much has changed in asu since i joined. it makes me wonder if i was behaving that way when i first joined. it seems a lot more clique-y and high school and drama filled but hey maybe it was that way when i was active but i just never noticed. had many fun lunches with my grand little but man there is a lot of drama in asu and im just glad i wasnt in any of it. i kinda miss the old asu days of staying out late to eat or do nothing at all but also i dont miss it bc i get enough sleep and im a lot more productive without asu lmao. finally ended things with tram for good. maybe things turned out the way they did for the better. the entire friendship was such a roller coaster. im glad its over.

the end of the semester rolled around!!! and i graduated!!!! :') attended my sisters graduation which was pretty boring bc high school students have such a narrow view of life (not to say that college students are any better). attended my own graduation. felt really fortunate to have jessa and anthony there. this one kid in my graudating class gave a speech about accomplishments...and he revealed the wrestling belt he was wearing underneath his graduation gown...and then he made the grads stand up and chant thank yous to the friends and family sitting behind us. it was so embarrassing and extra omg.

shortly after graduation i was on a plane headed back to the motherland. and let me tell u. i hated most of it. it was super hot and humid and my sister and i shared about 100 mosquito bites between the both of us. also. i know i shouldnt but..vietnam is so dirty. i know its not their fault that theyre a developing country but man there are exactly zero sanitation standards and i dont even know why we were there bc the water had recently been polluted so none of the fish were edible and my mom didnt trust the food stands to have clean food either. i guess i made some new friends and visited some cool places but at what cost??? also i think my entire fam got sick bc we slept with the ac on but either way, the meds i took made me lose my sense of smell i think and i couldnt taste or smell anything for two weeks. the ac air also dried out my nose and gave me a skin infection (which i will discuss later). during our trip to danang a small ferry got flipped on the big river and a bunch of ppl died and the government tried to cover it up bc bad publicity etc. they played it off as if only a few ppl died rather than most of the ppl on the boat. our tour guide in danang was in the know tho so he told us everything and w o w that really could've been us on that river bc it was a boat the left the dock about half an hour after our boat left. crazy.

after the long and arduous journey abroad i finally made it back home...and then headed to hawaii. hawaii was dope af. 10/10 would recommend, would go back. battled the tides when we went kayaking and sadly the tides won and i lost my hat but also almost lost my flip flops if it weren't for some kind random strangers who swam out to get my flip flops. we stayed on oahu and maui. hiked up a v steep mountain in oahu. lost my hat from kayaking. got caught in the rain when we went looking for a beach on the first day. had some of the best shaved ice ever. attended my first luau. fell asleep during the first part of a fire dancing show (bc the fire hadnt started yet). essentially pulled an all nighter to try oahu's famous bakery that opened at 3am. flew to maui but due to poor planning we arrived 4 hours earlier than check in lmao. the house we had in maui was so beautiful though omg. it was ocean side so we could hear the waves every night and it just felt so peaceful and tranquil to sit on the balcony in the mornings, just staring out at sea. in maui we went snorkeling. the last time i went snorkeling was like...10+ years ago...in cancun...and the water was freezing...and i also thought i was lost in the middle of the ocean on our way to the snorkeling location... but anyway! the snorkeling this time was so cool omg they had prescription swimming goggles so i could see EVERYTHING. they also provided lunch which was dope. it started raining on our way back to shore though lmao. the next day we drove all the way up the volcano in maui...to find that the top was foggy af and we couldnt see anything. the road up was pretty nasty bc super windy and 10000 ft elevation. it got really foggy after like 6000ft so we basically drove in all fog until the top which was still foggy but also like 20 degrees colder than the rest of maui. maui is super rural omg. we tried to find a place to eat after our trek but there were barely any food places in sight. we picked a random spot in the middle of nowhere and then decided to take the road to hana (which is on the opposite side of where we were staying, and was about 3 hrs away. and boy did we mess up. we took the alternate road there and it was scarier than going up the volcano bc 1) windy 2) small ass roads which were unpaved at certain points and 3) cliff hugging roads..i cant believe i made the drive there and back it was so terrifying omg. not sure if i would go back. at one point there was a big ass cow in the middle of the road. once we got to hana though, the hike was really nice despite the humidity. almost died crossing the river at the end to see the waterfall. all the rocks had big ants on them!!! how was i supposed to cross the river!!! we missed out on the wading pools though but we were so starving by that time. made the 3 hr drive back and everyone was dead. spent the last day on maui not doing much bc rainy and we were all so dead.

about two weeks after i got back from hawaii was training week in sac for my first big girl job. ngl but i felt super homesick that first night. idk why since i would be home by the end of the week anyway. probably just overwhelmed by how fast everything was happening. graduation and now transitioning into a full time job. scary stuff. but i did make a really good friend in sac so it didnt turn out so bad!!! training was pretty fun bc our presenter was pretty engaging. except when we went over the boring stuff and i was v close to falling asleep. did get to catch up with some of my sac friends though which was nice. went to the state fair for the first time as well. it was..exactly as expected but hotter lmao. my family went to san diego at this time bc my sister was going to comic con but i couldnt make it :(

got back from training and started my first big girl job. im not sure what i expected but it was easy but also hard? my first engagement i was only with one other senior and she was super nice and pretty and really good at lettering. i dont feel like i learned much? i only really did the tasks given to me but i feel like half the time i wasnt even sure what i was doing. i also hated the commute all the way back from walnut creek. the going there wasnt so bad bc i got a ride out to oakland but man it would take forever to get home. :'( my second engagement was just me and a partner and i feel like she expected me to know everything...but i didnt know anything...so i mostly sat around a lot??? esp bc she wasnt on site every day so i had zero supervision. :/ towards the end of the second engagement i got an email from the city saying that they were accepting me into their accounting position and i was like oh shit. i ended up taking the job, which gave me a week in between quitting the first job and starting the second, which i used to go back to LA lmao bc i had a season ticket to universal. actually ate at the three broomsticks this time. it was defs filling and i thought it was a good bang for buck. attempted to go to the walking dead tour..chickened out..twice. i probs would've died in there tbh. also went to disneyland!!!! that was lit. their macone-roni and cheese was da bomb. saw world of color for the first time except it was the 50th anniversary edition so it wasnt so great. bumped into the couple that was in jbieb's love yourself video. tried some new food places in LA and saw some old friends, again.

started my second big girl job. all my coworkers are super nice except the big boss is kind of crazy and anal. but we deal with it. my supervisor is so nice :'( work isnt so bad bc i dont do much lmao. the hardest part sometimes is just staying awake if im being honest. getting paid to do nothing is the life tho.

spent my birthday weekend in monterey. we were supposed to go atv-ing but ended up going wine tasting but also not really bc we liked the first wine so much we got a bottle of that to share. it was really cold that weekend surprisingly so we stayed in and then went to this spa place on a whim and it was definitely an interesting experience.

went as a rice bag for halloween and i think that was probably my greatest costume to date. except we ended up going to a party full of white ppl...and i was like the only asian there gdi

tagged along w my sister when she went to sd. got to see many friends!!! went clubbing as well and that was lit. took michelle clubbing for her 21st birthday, also lit. squadsgiving and christmas were super fun. got some supplies for bullet journaling so guess thatll be my new years resolution. but also to take more photos bc i didnt buy that camera for nothing.

okay so in conclusion. i did a lot of stuff this year. it feels like it was mostly all highs. or maybe i just block out the lows but im pretty sure there were way more highs than lows. 2016 was a great year tbh. oh yeah i also passed two of four parts of my cpa exam!!! woot. in 2016, i learned a lot...of accounting lmao. plus i ran my first 5k!!!!! oh yeah and i joined a gym and now im getting swole af. im not sure what my reflections are. i guess, if i were to compare 2k16 kim to 2k14 kim i've for sure come a long ways. i wasnt afraid to try new challenges and conquer them. i stepped out of my comfort zone multiple times, sometimes with the help of alcohol. i got my shit together and really focused in school (which got me a 4.0 during my last year of college). i also got my shit together and studied my ass off for the cpa (which is still ongoing i crey). i really wanna say this was probably one of my best years with everything i was able to do and everything i achieved. so here's to you, 2016, and may 2017 be even better!!!

[yumenosakiacademy]

metr0con 2019 friday diary

Cosplayed/breakfast/snack: same as thursday diary

For future me only. preferred that you dont read this, thanks. 

Okay so we arrived at like, 10:23 or abt that time so i had some time before my first panel so i just kinda walked around. i dont think anything happened around that time, sorry. my memory of today is a lil bit hazy at parts. but while on the escalator, i looked over at registration n saw creeper print and a yellow crown n the person rly looked like king gavin n i openly Gasped but i couldnt get to them obviously but i was like gjhnsmjgh hh.

then, i went to the yoi panel! uhm.. not much to comment on for this panel, sorry. there was a viktor, yuri, and yurio! i remember there was a personality swap ask and for part of the panel, they all had switched jackets because of a dare.

next was the oh-shc panel! the honey was rly cute n gave a lot of hugs to a lot of the audience members n they were such sute hugs gjhnsm.. like the ones where u semi-leap at a person n hug em w slight movement it was so cute. kyoya said his entire budget book he brought was all for tamaki’s expenses and tamaki proposed to haruhi as a dare but earlier in the panel he was imagining outloud him n haruhi’s wedding gjhnsm

after that, i couldve went to the grav!ity falls panel or the bn-ha one, but since the bn-ha one was in the same room as the previous two, i just decided to stay in my seat for that one. the todoroki n kirishima came in late w starbucks which todoroki says was paid for by endeavor bc he had his dad’s credit card n he actually gave out 2 fake paper credit cards to ppl. aizawa got asked what the dumbest thing he’s gotten asked by one of his students n he said it was “whats your quirk, aizawa?” n todoroki said “it’s not ‘is mayonaise an instrument’? then there was other stuff n they played Sentences and i suggested the scenario “furry convention” after someone suggested todoroki and izuku. ALSO!!! i won the raffle for a bn-ha poster! it was drawn by the uraraka that was one of the panelists n it looks so good ;w; dunno where im gonna put it.. but as my first fanmade print (that’s not my hs wall scroll, which was officially licensed), ill cherish it.

after that i had time to walk! i saw a bunch of id0lish cosplayers! the id0lish7 ones in the dream journey outfits n the 2 trigger members i saw were in similar outfits? i forgot the name for them. anyway! i saw a gentaro n took their pic n they were like “i hav a dice n ramuda somewhere around here.. we’re fl!ng posse” so i wndered around the dealers room n eventually found the dice n ramuda together n took their pic too! thn i kept wanderin n i!! found the king gavin n i was like “are you cosplaying king gavin” n they were like “yea!” n i was!! so happy!!! n they turned to their friend n they were like “see you shouldve stayed in costume! [turns 2 me] they were mad k!ng ryan up until a lil while ago; they changed” but anyway i took their pic n they were talking abt how it feels kinda odd to come to terms w the fact theyre cosplaying minecraft n how they saw a minecraft person earlier n thought abt talking to them but it’s different bc it’s ach!evement hunter so they dont kno the full picture. i saw a corrin w arei button!! which was exciting. also met a nico who said they were gonna b arashi that day but didnt wanna contour but theyre gonna b her tomorrow!! DURING THIS TIME i also saw an adachi body pillow at an artist’s booth n im.. gjhnskm....... i wanted it...... i later found out it was $60 tho so. ;w; i met a sougo n tamaki n i asked if i could take their pic n they said yea, just give em a sec, n the sougo was like “r u cosplayin tsukasa??” n i said yep n they were like do u wanna b in our mv?” n i thought it was a whole event thing n i was like “oh. id hav to check my schedule i might b busy but” n they were talking abt how we (me, the luka next to them, n the kaito next to luka) would just do like steps to the side by following sougos lead n i was confused n repeated myself but the sougo was like “oh, no no it’s right now” n so i did that w them while the tamaki filmed n unfortunately i 4got to ask their instagrams so idk where the vid is but w/e. the sougo told me abt an id0lish meetup at 5 pm, too, out on the docks. 

the h!veswap panel was p funny! an eridan n feferi in the audience were also entertaining, esp during the improve games. i remember someone asked lanque “what r ur fashion tips?” n lanque was like “...Dont Bother” n joey was confused by troll stuff n i asked daraya what her fav punk band was n she was like “we only listen to the grubbles. have u heard em?” n i was like “i.. actually havent heard the full album yet so i guess not?” but as im typing this i think i actually have?/ oops. anyway a lot happened but it’s rly hate so im gonna.... move on. im typing this paragraph last bc i 4got to type it lmao.

a ruby and dia complimented my nails! then i saw a doppo!! they were apparently the reo i took a pic of yesterday. they said their jakurai was still getting ready. 

i tried to go to the grav!ty falls party but it was just one girl as mabel making the audience do games for prizes that were rly boring like decoding n stuff so i left after abt 15 minutes n went walking again. i had 2 hrs to walk now.

i went downstairs after walkina round the dealers room n there was!! a bloody banquet rei and koga!!! they were so pretty.. i was intimidated kinda but i managed to approach them n we talked abt rei’s rei itabag n koga’s goro itabag n rei said they once spent $150 dollars in rei merch in one sitting on yahoo auctions whoa. they were rly cool tho! we talked for a few minutes. later, i also saw another hypm!c group of MTR + ramuda n took their pics n the ramuda was like “ur sign omg. wait r u tsukasa??” n i said yep n we got excited abt ES n the jakurai told me theres an ES meetup tomorrow at 1 pm!! unfortunately, i hav a panel (2, actually, but i can only choose 1) that is at that time so idk if ill go... esp since it’ll prob only b a few ppl n im not the type of person to make friends anyway, yknow? ....anyway! the hifumi game me a lil clear heart tin w tiny fake yellow flowers n a piece of paper that said: “thank u, prince/princess! -hifumi [doodle of 2 champagne glasses]” n thats.. so cute. i gave them a lollipop in return. little while later, met another jakurai! i think we also talked abt ens-tars!! cant remember a lot of it tho gomen. then a lil while later, i saw the kakeru cosplayer i had heard abt on twitter! they were manning an art booth. i was like “are you cosplaying kakeru?” n they were like “yea!” n i took their pic n i was like “i didnt think id rly find k!npri cosplayers here aa” n the kakeru went “FINALLY i can use one of these!” n handed me a lil kakeru sticker they drew n i was like “his fumb bg pink jacket.. it makes him look like a Shrimp” n we both laughed n they showed me the k!npri stuff on their table n a joji on the other side of their display that looked like he was behind bars bc the display thingy and a jin hanging from one of the bars. they (the kakeru n the person they were with) were like “we kept seeing you walk by w ur sign n we were like ‘i hope they find leo!’” (both days, bc the other person asked if i was tsukasa yesterday) n i showed them my yug!oh card that’s an obscure reference to a tsukasa cg! n i talked to them a lil bit abt ens-tars but i cant remember a lot gahh!! and while i was standing there, a honoka came up and asked for my photo n i was like “ANOTHER ES FAN??” n i talked to them for a sec n forgot to put up my prop for the photo at first gjhnsm but that was cool!!  oh, the honoka also asked me if i liked anzu n i was like “she’s super cute in the anime”

after that i tried to go to the fru!ts basket panel but im only 6 eps in the remake anime n they had almost all the characters n i didnt understand a lot of the questions bc i hadnt seen much of the show so.. then after only a few minutes of q+a they started up trivis so i left n just walked around the dealers room. it was during this time that my crown fell off (SECOND DAY IN A ROW) n i searched the whole dealers room but couldnt find it?? ghh..

ANYWAY i found another ramuda w a jakurai n the ramuda liked my sign too n they were like “ur tsukasa!” n i went yep n they saw the buttons ns tuff on my bag n all my keychains n they were like ‘oh, sry” n i was like “no no, it’s okay, u can go thru all the keychains on my backpack i hav A Lot” n i pointed out chiaki as my best boy n mika as my 2nd fav n they said they cosplay hakaze. at some point, i played drops on my flip phone i think bc ramuda was saying smth pertaining to drops?? mayb not. but i played it n jakurai was like “oh god i hav to hear it hre too..” (in-character, i think) n i spotted another ramud in the distand n asked them to wtch my stuff while i took the ramudas pic so i went over n the person next to them had an arashi plush!e n we both squealed (i think. i did tho, Loudly.)

after this i just wandered n i danced on the dance floor! chacha slide, cupid shuffle, n time warp iirc! def time warp tho. also to some 80s song n some guy not in cosplay spun me around nt ried to swing dance we me but he was completely leading it n i didnt kno what to do!! after that i saw a tumblr/con friend while on my way to the yoi panel!!

then the yoi panel was actually p funny! a lot of questions abt yurio’s parents being viktor and yuri and yuri n viktor slowdanced to an edd sheeran song n otabek showed off their muscles (like, flexed their arms in their tank top) n yuri kept dramatically thwipping open their rainbow fan esp in responses to gay asks. at one point, someone asked abt yaois n a mom who was attending w their preteen or teen child was like “whats yaoi?” n the ppl behind her were like “i dont wanna b the one to do this..” n ppl told the mom n the mom to their teen/preteen kid was like “what are u watching? where? is it okay? is it on tv?” n the kid was responding to ehr questions but i couldnt hear them gjhnsm. yurio did a dance to a song n after that, we all danced to cupid shuffle n wobble n then i stopped but others did the time warp too. oh! also i answered a trivia question right (”who’s yuri’s best friend?” “pichit”) and got an utapr! keychain/strap! it’s reiji in a glitter thing. none of the other stuff there aside from some yoi straps was my fandoms so i saw utapr! n went for it.

then the bnh-a pj party! ...uh. the original panelists never showed up so random bn-ha cosplayers (and their non-cn.ha-cosplaying friends) tred to host the panel but everythign was hectic and loud n unfocused n a wreck but i noticed a ramuda n a hifumi i hadnt taken a pic of yet in the corner of the room (there were no chairs) so i eventually got annoyed/bored n went over to ask for a pic but ended up asking to sit w them (i walked over, put my sign down, n went “i said Fuck leo rights n higumi was like “that chara is familiar..” n i said leo from ES n they were like “oh i watched p 1 of that” n i was like “ep 2, this unday. stan ryuseitai”) n i ended up talking to them abt hypm!c n cosplay stuff n i talked a bit abt ens-tars and we all agreed that stella n papillion Slap on the new album. n ramuda said they were cosplaying as a prom!sed neverland haracter tomorrow n recommended it to me n i was like “oh im watching fru!ts basket rn tho” n the hifumi said they were too n the ramuda was like “do u kno the horse one in fru!ts basket? My Horse Boyfriend....” (the game. i think that was the name) so i showed them the hypm!c ask blog where they draw some of the charcaters as horses n the other characters as cowboys n the ramuda showed me the pics that r on their swear jar (photshopped pics of kinako w long legs in stockings+heels) n id0lish memes n it was all chill!! i played drops for them on my phone too. someone came over n went “if u can type w those nails, ur a god[dess]” n i said i could w Only my nails n they said i was like a god[dess] hehe. the higumi said they should make a tumblr n i heard them muttering “should i put 14 on here?” n ramuda went “well i mean, you Are 14-” n i went “ur 14?” n they nodded n i asked the ramuda how old They were n they said 14 n i was like “oh my god.. yallre babies..... gjhnsmk im 18.” n the ramuda crawled back a bit n they were like “18??” n the hifumi was like “u look so young tho whoa! rly?” n i was like “yea i look p young.. ive been compared to a freshman b4..... n yea i graduated like 2 months ago” n the hifumi was like “congratulations :o”

[datingadviceonreddit]

Hey, I (19M) don't know whether should I bother asking a girl(19 yo) out for the one last time.The BackstoryWe knew eachother from elementary school, we were classmates and we were kinda friends and people were talking about her being interested in me, but I wasn't into her at that time.After elemetary we parted ways and I didn't see her at all. I asked her out 2 years ago, through facebook and we chatted for a week but she told me she doesn't want to go out and she just wants to be friends. I told her that I don't want to be her friend only, that it wouldn't work for me and she should contact me if she changes her mind.NowShe contacted me 2 years after that, at the start of november last year. Then she kept contacting me first for like a month, few times a week. Then she asked me out and we setup a date.1st dateWe went out on Dec 10th, chatted for 1,5 hrs and just said our goodbyes and parted ways, no kiss or hug. This didn't seem to weird to me, we didn't see eachother for 4 years.After the date, when I came online, she messaged me "so what now? :D" and once again, we setup a movie date.Second dateSecond date happened on Dec 22nd. I wanted to kiss her, but when I arrived, she told me she was sick. We had 1 hr before the movie and 1 after the movie.When we were buying popcorn, I asked her if she wants to get a shared one and she said she doens't want me to get sick, I jokingly told her that I will be home for holidays so I don't care if I get sick or not and we laghed about it and got a shared one. During the movie she said she was cold and she put her coat on her, like a blanket.When we walked outside the cinema, I had like 50 minutes left before my last train was leaving, it was 10 PM and she asked me what are we goin to do, I told her that we can go see townsquare christmas market, but she said she's too cold and that we are gonna go to her apartment. Btw. she told me earlier that there is someone still staying in that apartment (she lives with 4 friends/students).We got there, she made us tea, brought her notebook, put on some songs I sent her and she sent me and we were in there for 20 minutes max. She looked at what time does tram to trainstation leave and we left the apartment before we even finished the tea. I told her I might not make it to the tram stop (she even made fun of my sense of direction) and she told me she's going to walk me there (even tho she was sick).She messed up, no tram was leaving anymore, so we walked fast to the trainstation on foot. We got to the train and it was supposed to leave in 1 minute + we weren't even sure it's the right train. We stopped at the door, exchanged 2 senteces, I told her I hope it's the right train, stepped on the train steps and told her to get well and we said goodbye. When I entered the train I wanted to kill myself.When I look at it in hindsight, she wanted a kiss, but I was too focused on her being sick (+I didn't want to get sick) + that train sitution derailed me (pun intended).Me asking her outWhen I asked her out the next day on Dec 23rd to do something before NYE, she said she already has plans and listed stuff she has planned. I didn't know my schedule so I told her that we will plan it later. I messaged her on Jan 1st (week later), wishing her happy new year and told her that I already know my exam dates and that I would like to see her and asked when she's free. She said she doesn't know, but not this week. I told her to let me know when she has time and then she asked me about my NYE, I asked about hers. I thought she was over it.She contacting me firstThen she contacted 5 times after that, on 5th, 6th, 10th, 11th and 13th. First 2 times she said she saw me somewhere (it's funny, we didn't see eachother for 4 years and then she sees me 2 days in a row). She was asking how are my exams going and she was generally interested in me. When I told her I'm going out and came back home in the evening, she asked me if I'm home already and what was I doing, so I said that I can't tell her, in a playful way etc.I always cut the converastion short (after 30 mins/10 messages) if she didn't bring getting together up (I'm going out/ I'm goin to sleep etc.). I didn't feel like asking her out when she shot me down 2 times before, but she was showing interest in me (and telling me she's bored a few times, messaging me even when I was logged off for 20+ minutes and went to sleep etc.).Last time she messaged me was on Jan 13th. Now it's 25th and I didn't hear from her since then. I'm not sure if she wanted me to asked her out and gave up, thinking I wasn't interested anymore.She has birthday on Jan 29th and I'm thinking about asking her out to go ice skating on 28th, should I even bother doing it? I like this girl a lot, and I don't know if there's anything to lose by asking her out one last time. I would prolly ask her out today.Tl;dr:There is a bit of history I will not mention here. I(19M) went out with a girl(19F) She asked me out on November last year, 2 years after turning me down. We went on 2 dates, on 1st no kiss or hug happened but it didn't seem weird to me (we didn't see eachother for 4 years).She was sick on the second (movie) date, in hindsight I think she wanted me to kiss her (even tho she told me she doesn't want me to get sick), but I didn't kiss/hug her and then she said she doesn't have time when I asked her out 2 times over 2 weeks. On Jan 1st I asked her out the second time and when she said she doesn't have time, I told her to let me know when she's free. She started messaging me first, asking what am I doing, how are my exams going, sayin she's bored etc. I kept cutting the convo short if she didn't bring up getting together (after 30 mins/10msgs). She contacted me 5 times in total, last time on Jan 13th. Last time I messaged her first was on Jan 1st. I didn't want to ask her out when she shot me down 2 times before, but now I changed my mind. Is there anything to lose by asking her out last time, should I bother? via /r/dating_advice