#i graduated in 2015 so

[blackdragoncake]

Redrew sum fools

[ayakashibackstreet]

Listening to a video game talk in the background of my work and like... were smartphones already so big in 2013? As in, widely adopted to the point of high schoolers bringing them to school? Was that an America/Western Europe thing? I know I have memory issues and 2013 just so happens to be the time that I have trouble remembering but... really? 2013? Was that a thing? Maybe it was and I just can't recall? Uhhh?

I know me not having a smartphone in like 2015 was weird, to the point where I was the 'retro tech' guy back near the end of middle school but... uh. I'm a little confused.

[taegularities]

…

[axe8472]

nothing radicalises a UK university student like reading about the history of tuition + maintenance grants/loans

[partynthem]

thinking abt how if i hadnt moved to california last year i’d be seeing am tomorrow at Merriweather Post Pavillion. the most random venue of all time

[jockgothbitch]

the fact I made the post that confused and prompted this person(s) to ask and insult like 8 years ago is fucking insane like I went through the 5 stages of grief I think after initial confusion

anyway imagine taking it so personal where I said I didn't like a book I had to read in school but liked the other one I had to read I wish I had this kind of free time I miss that shit

[defendglobe]

thinking about how fucked up it was that in my senior year of high school we all had to sit through a lecture about how difficult economic times were ahead and so we had to make sure we chose a career path that would actually get us a job and not just leave us unemployed with tons of debt.

then they gave us a list of jobs that would be obsolete in a few years (pretty much anything arts/humanities lol) and said we should avoid them if possible and a list of jobs that would definitely be hiring (mostly stem or stuff in the fucking oil and gas industry) that we should consider instead.

anyway, that's the reason why i chose a college major i wasn't super interested in and even when i realized i hated it i didn't change it until the end of my second year (which btw, left me more in debt than if i had just studied what i wanted from the start lol).

[sad--tree]

@ my brain stoooopppppppp !!!!!! thinking about !!!!! going back 2 college !!!!!! in an entirely different field !!!! than our current UNFINISHED (!!!!) fucking program !!!!!!

[ashenberry]

(Runs in several hours late) SO WHICH OF YOUR OCS IS COMPARATIVELY LEAST DEVELOPED OR NEWEST?

oh fun i know the exact order to this due to the way i develop my ocs. ordered from oldest to newest ocs (bolded are the 5 that seem to be the only ones i talk on here, but there are. more)

Jasper & Rosin Lily & Anthony & Jayden & Rick Sam Mike & April & Austin Rose AJ & Dee Ace Robin

[nowandthane]

tumblr peaked with superwholock (dont kill me)

[bardicbeetle]

…

[imhereonthekitchenfloor]

I know the modern swiftie (or person for that matter) dislikes Ariana grande but I am so excited for this wicked movie and i hope that Ariana does eat on glinda's part

[princesscedar]

[smallboyonherbike]

i just remembered i'm seeing paramore tuesday AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[zerodaryls]

"how are we going so backwards with queer/trans rights in the u.s. these days?"

i keep finding myself falling into this mindset.

but the truth is, we haven't been going forwards for very long.

marriage equality wasn't a thing in the u.s. until 2015.

i was already 2 years outta high school.

hell, the stonewall riots were only just in 1969.

there are people still alive today who were alive during the riots.

the hiv/aids epidemic was at its height in the 80s-early 90s.

my own parents were in high school/college during that time. i was born in '95.

my ex-uncle was a gay guy who was being "counseled" by my religious grandmother who set him up with my aunt so he could stop being gay. needless to say, it didn't work. this was in the mid-90s. i was alive when this happened.

when i was in middle school, it was Big School Gossip that our music teacher was gay. this wasn't even two decades ago.

when i was in high school, it was Big School Gossip that our art teacher was a lesbian. this was barely over a decade ago.

caitlyn jenner came out as trans in 2015. (i know, but it's an important moment in recent trans history.)

i remember seeing tabloids in grocery stores for several years up until that point, photos of her on the cover spreading the "shocking" idea that she could be "a Transgender". people making jokes about her. pitying her family.

when i came out as trans/nonbinary, i was privileged to be living in california, where my legal and medical transition was (fairly) easily accessible (and i'm sure my being white, middle-class, and able-bodied helped in that area).

but there were still roadblocks.

they still forced me to be "examined" by a doctor to make sure my genitals were in order before he'd sign my gender change form. (a completely pointless legal requirement that accomplished nothing but make both of us uncomfortable.)

this wasn't even a decade ago.

i'm 28.

seeing queer and trans people living out loud is largely a New Thing for the general public.

being safe to walk around in rainbows and pride pins is a New Thing in the u.s. (and not even true for all parts of the u.s.!)

acceptance of queer and trans folks is still new. still uncomfortable for many cishets, even some of those who consider themselves Allies.

there have always been queer and trans people.

there have always been queer and trans allies.

but our rights, our acceptance, our place in society has always been a battle.

the battle didn't end in 2015.

"how are we going backward all of a sudden??"

there's nothing sudden about it.

bigots have been pushing back against our progress from the get-go.

they're raising younger bigots, and they're doing all they can to limit our ability to speak up and call for continued progress.

we aren't even a decade into marriage equality in the us.

there's nothing sudden about the shift away from our rights and wellbeing.

to my fellow younger millennials and gen z folks: we're lucky to have been alive at a time where such progress has been made.

but the ugly battles of earlier generations are not behind us.

it's fucking terrifying, but i think we really need to be prepared to face some truly ugly shit in the coming years.

we need to empower ourselves and each other.

those who came before us (and are still here, by the way! the queer population doesn't end at 30, holy fuck!) found community, banded together, and lifted each other up even when the future was bleak.

listen to them.

listen to each other.

and don't for one second give up hope for a brighter future.

that's what bigots want.

do we give bigots what they want in this house?

[promise-you-doie]

J. Jaehyun | Coming Home

After hitting a dead end in your job search, you reluctantly return home to stay with your mom. However, fate has other plans as you unexpectedly cross paths with an old flame. Sparks fly as you navigate the complexities of past feelings and present circumstances, reigniting a passionate connection that refuses to be ignored.

Jaehyun x reader (Exes to lovers)

6k words

Fluff, Angst, Suggestive.

Playlist

As a little girl, you had this idyllic vision of what your adult life would be like. You thought by the time you entered your 20s, you would have graduated from college and easily walked into your dream career. But now, as an adult, you're confronted with the harsh realities of life. You only have $300 to your name, a coupon for a free pizza from your go-to pizza place, and a tech degree that seems to be of no use. To make matters worse, you've ruined your credit during your college years, and you've just ended a three-year relationship. It feels like everything is against you, and the only choice you have is to go back to your hometown to stay with your mom until you get back on your feet.

Leaving Los Angeles was hard enough, but landing in Connecticut felt like a blow to your pride. Everything looks the same as when you left, and the people haven't changed much either. You want to drop down to your knees and cry when you realize that this is where you're going to be for the next few months of your life. But you still have some dignity left in you, so you grab your luggage and try to compose yourself as you walk towards the pickup section to wait for your mom.

Blinking back tears, you inhale a deep breath and pull out your phone. You wait patiently as your phone searches for service in the area. When the service finally sets in, your phone blows up with 70 different alerts: two calls from your best friend, Joy, and three text messages from her telling you to have a safe trip and to keep your head up.

Six missed calls from your ex-boyfriend and seven text messages from him begging you to talk to him.

51 emails from the various job search sites that you signed up with and one singular text message from your mom.

Mom: Hey! I won't be able to make it. But don't worry, I'll have Jaehyun come pick you up. Can't wait to see you!

As if on cue, a familiar black 2015 Toyota Corolla pulls up right in front of you, and none other than Jung Jaehyun gets out of the car.

"This has to be a joke." You breathe, your shoulders raising as you do so.

He smirks the second he lays eyes on you, "Wow you haven't aged a bit."

You wish you could say the same about him, he'd grown a lot more mature since you last saw him. He wasn't the 18-year-old boy you were once head over heels for. He was way taller; he grew his hair out, and you could tell that he started hitting the gym.

"Why are you here?" You look up at him with folded arms.

He doesn't take you seriously. He never did. "Sorry, I'm late." He chuckles and takes your suitcase from beside you to load it in the back of his car.

Once he finishes his first task, he walks back around to open the door for you, gesturing to the passenger seat with both arms and a smile that you wish you could hate.

"I'm not getting in the car, Jaehyun." You remain in your spot, arms still folded over your chest.

"No?" He asks condescendingly.

You repeat, "No." Firm on your feet.

"Well, I guess. I'll see you there then." You watch him close the door and walk to the driver's side without sparing you a look. He starts the car and drives away, leaving you with two options.

You could chase after him and embarrass yourself, or you could remain stubborn and just call an Uber.

You choose to chase the car after realizing that the phone that you would use to call an Uber was sitting in the back of his trunk.

He watches you run after him from his rearview mirror; he slows down but refuses to stop until you were banging on the side of the window, begging him to stop. He got a thrill out of this, and you could tell.

"Did you change your mind?" He teases

Physically, Jaehyun was a completely different person; he grew up, well, you'll admit that. But personality-wise? He hadn't changed at all. He was still the same sarcastic asshole you met in high school.

You mutter, "I don't have my phone." As you slide into the passenger seat, out of breath. You subtly look around, taking notice that the car still smells the same way you remembered it; it was just cleaner now. Sooner or later, your eyes dart to the back seat, and Jaehyun chuckles when you do.

"So what's L. A like?" He asks suddenly, one hand on the steering wheel and the other draped over his thigh.

"It's fun and different. My boyfriend helped to introduce me to a lot of new things." You purposely mention your (ex) boyfriend just to see his reaction.

To your dismay, his reaction is as simple as none. He only asks, "How will long-distance work out for you? It didn't seem to work with us."

"We'll do fine." You say, trying to sound confident.

The car falls silent for a few moments before he starts up a new conversation. "I'm glad you're back."

The statement seems taunting, even if you know that's not how he means it. You always dreamt of moving away to a big city where no one knew who you were, and now that you're back home, it just feels like you are a failure.

"I'm not staying for long." You gaze out of the window.

"Since you're back in town, we should hang out sometime," he suggests, sneaking glances at you.

"I didn't come back to see you."

"Suit yourself, but remember I'm always just a phone call away."

As you step into the familiar house, you can't help but notice that everything looks the same. Though your mom has rearranged some things, the overall feel is still the same. She's standing at the counter, wearing her favorite white robe and sipping on a glass of wine. Even she looks the same, and you can't help but wonder if the past five years have been stuck in time.

Your thoughts are interrupted when Jaehyun speaks up from behind you, offering to take the bags upstairs. You're about to protest when your mom pulls you into a warm hug, rocking you back and forth. "Oh, my baby, I missed you so much," she coos, holding your face in her hands. "Have you been skipping meals?" She asks, eyeing you closely. When you shake your head, she mutters disapprovingly, "I hope you didn't start one of those stupid L.A diets." You hear Jaehyun snicker from behind you, but you can't break free from your mom's grip to glare at him.

"No, mom." You mutter shamefully like a middle schooler who just got through a scolding.

"We've got to fatten you up." She pinches your cheeks before she lets you go. Oh, you and Jaehyun should go try out the taco place down the street." Your mom swings her index finger between you and your ex-boyfriend. "They opened it up after you left. It's amazing, and the staff there is amazing, too."

You open your mouth to speak, but Jaehyun beats you to it. "I think she'd rather the tacos in L.A" he says as he stands beside your mom, looking down on you in a way that feels degrading. The only thing you can do is wonder when they got so close.

Your mom has always liked Jaehyun, but it seemed like she adopted him after you left. If you look close enough, you might find similarities in their facial features.

"Jaehyun probably has other things to do. Why don't we just go instead? It's been a while since it was just you and me." You waltz over and loop your arm around your mom's right arm. Opposite side of where Jaehyun was standing

"Or we could all go out together." Suggests, Jaehyun with a grin so big you could see his dimples.

Your mom's face glows at the thought as she pushes you aside. "That sounds like a wonderful Idea."

"How was your flight?" Joy's voice comes through the speaker of your phone while you prop it up against your old desk. You slide back in your seat to start your face care while simultaneously talking to her.

"Long, it should be illegal for infants to fly on a plane." You mutter, slapping the moisturizer on your face and rubbing it in circles along your cheeks.

Joy gets closer to the camera just to say, "That's harsh," but she doesn't bother to try to hide her laugh.

"Okay maybe not illegal, but there should at least be a secluded area for parents flying with newborns, or you know… just kids who still cry." You drag out the last part when you get closer to the mirror and run your index finger along the new pimple you have growing in.

"Like a daycare?" Joy asks

"That wasn't what I was thinking, but that works too."

"Okay enough about that, have you seen him yet?" Joy whispers against the speaker of her own phone and thankfully so because just as soon as she mentions him Jaehyun comes walking into your room without a notice or a knock.

"Dinners ready." He stops at the entrance of your room but gets closer when he sees that you're on the phone. Close enough for him to show up on your camera screen and wave his hand around. "Hi, Joy." He smiles tauntingly.

"I have to go," you mutter and hang up the call before either of them can get another word in. Turning in your seat to ask "Why are you here?" for the second time today.

His smile doesn't falter, and he doesn't back away, either. "What? You don't want to see me?" he teases.

"I don't," you murmur, pushing him away with the palm of your hand and rolling your eyes. You stand up when he backs up, but his eyes remain on you. You hate that you didn't hate it, and you hate that you don't hate him.

You always thought you would be angry if you ever saw him again, you expected that you'd shed a few tears even. But all of that was furthest from the truth because now that you saw him again you were only reminded of the love you kept harbored away for him.

You were gonna be fine, as long as you kept your distance.

"You invited him over for dinner?" You quietly mutter to your mom, hoping that Jaehyun won't hear you.

"Don't be like that, he came over all the time while you were gone. That's not gonna change because of a little breakup."

"But Mom." You whine.

She hears none of it as she continues setting the table and praising Jaehyun for how helpful he was compared to her own child. You grimace at the statement before plopping down at the table with your arms crossed.

Jaehyun takes the seat across from you, and your mom takes the one adjacent. "Isn't this wonderful? It's been so long since I've seen the two of you together." She smiles and clamps her hands together.

"Is he going to come over every night?" You ask, wiping the smile off of your mom's face. You've always been a fan of your mom's cooking, but now you were picking at the rice and mixing it around. Your spoon clinks against the bottom of the glass plate before you go to take a spoonful.

Sucking in a hiss when your mom smacks your arm, "Why don't you be nice?"

"I was just asking." You whine once more but pull your lips into a thin line when you realize that no matter what, she's going to take his side and Jaehyun's enjoying it.

"You know the carnival is opening tomorrow." Your mom starts again, "You guys should go out and have fun. It's summer, and you're still young."

"I can't. I have to…" You look around for any excuse that won't get you slapped for a second time. "Unpack."

Your efforts count for nothing as your mom slaps you again on the arm. "Oh, don't be stubborn." She laughs. "Jaehyun, you aren't busy, right?"

"No, mam." He smiles, specifically at you.

"And neither are you," she says when she looks at you. "So it's settled; you can pick her up tomorrow." Your mom claps her hands together with a bright smile.

"No, I really can't." You wave your hand around.

"Well, you don't have a job, do you?" is all your mom has to say to make you lower your chin and shake your head. "Then I don't see why not."

"Besides, you could use a picker-upper since you broke up with that little boyfriend of yours." She adds unsolicited. You want to hide, curl up into a ball, and just vanish, disappear, and go anywhere but here.

"You broke up?" Jaehyun pipes up with a smirk.

You scramble to defend yourself, but the best you can come up with is, "We're just taking a little break."and that's all you get to say before your mom interrupts.

"Say, Jaehyun, don't you have that pan I let you borrow? I think I might need it for tomorrow night's dinner."

He nods, "Yeah, I can bring it tomorrow if you'd like."

"No, you might forget. Y/n, why don't you ride with him and bring the pan back."

The mention of your name makes you choke on your food, "What?"

"That'll give you guys some time to catch up." If you didn't know any better, you would think she was doing this on purpose. But you did know better and knew she was doing this on purpose.

"But it's late, and he has bad eyesight." You point, searching for any way that you could to get her to change her mind. Retracting when you see the way he's looking at you. "I mean, it's never safe to drive at night."

"That's more of a reason for you to go. I wouldn't want him stranded on the side of the road." says your mom.

"What about me?"

"If you're ready, we can go now." She ignores you when Jaehyun stands up in his chair.

"Yes, you two get going. I'll clean this up." Your mother hurries you out of your seat, pushing you along with Jaehyun to the door. You don't even get to say anything before she's waving and slamming the door in your face, locking you out of the house with your pajamas, bunny slippers, and your ex.

"You coming?" Jaehyun yells, standing on the passenger side of his black car.

You look at the door once and let out a long, deep sigh as you stomp to his car, sliding past him and into the passenger seat, but not without rolling your eyes.

"If you keep rolling your eyes, they're going to get stuck in the back of your head," Jaehyun teases before closing the car door.

He gets into the car shortly after and starts it immediately. You hope to keep the car ride quiet, but Jaehyun has other plans as he starts returning to his place. "I see long distance isn't your strong suit."

Naturally, you want to roll your eyes. You notice it's just a common occurrence when you are around him. "I already told you were working things out; I just didn't wanna hold him back."

You turn to him when you hear a small laugh. "Working things out," he repeats. "How come I didn't get that option?"

"You didn't deserve it."

"So you really love him, huh?" He glances over to see your reaction, and based on your facial expressions alone, he knows he's right.

He knows the answer, but you're not as sure. Is it possible for you to love two men at once?

"I don't wanna talk about this tonight, Jaehyun." You sigh and gaze out of the window. Per your request, he remains quiet for the rest of the ride. But now that you're sitting in complete silence, all you have to do is think. Think about the feelings and emotions you thought you had left in the past.

What would things be like if you had never ended things with Jaehyun? Would you have met your ex? Would you be conflicted right now sitting in the passenger seat of your ex's car while thinking about your other ex?

"Are you coming in?" Jaehyun asks, holding his apartment door open for you.

You prop up against the wall behind you and fold your arms. "No, I'll stand right here," you say, but swiftly run behind him when you hear someone else leave their apartment. The last thing you needed was someone else to see you standing outside his door, whether they knew you or not.

"Hi, Johnny." Jaehyun turns to wave at the neighbor against your wishes, smiling at you when you glare at him. "Don't worry, he's not gonna bite you."

Your only response is another glare; he simply smiles while you walk past him and into his apartment.

This seems to be the nature of your relationship: You're hot-headed and easily irritated, while Jaehyun is sarcastic and loves to get under your skin. It's always been like this, and there was just no telling how the two of you ever managed to fall in love.

Jaehyun stands behind you when you scan his living area. It's exactly what you'd expect from a man, and especially Jaehyun. There's a couch and some small decor here and there, but it feels cold and bare for the most part.

It's almost hard to believe that this is where he spends most of his time.

You keep your thoughts to yourself and follow him into the kitchen, where you continue to look around.

"Seems like you and my mom got close," you speak, hoping to distract him from how you are inspecting everything in his apartment.

Jaehyun answers, "Yeah, I guess you could say that." His head dips into the cabinets under the counter, searching for the pan that brought him here in the first place.

You raise your hands to each arm and sigh, "So was that on purpose… or?"

"She was the closest thing I could get to you." He says casually, as if everyone's heard that before.

You, on the other hand, aren't as casual about the subject as he is. You drop your arms to your side and start looking around again for a sudden change of conversation, which Jaehyun misses with his head still tucked under the cabinets.

"I like what you've done with the place; it's cozy." You lie, and you're glad he isn't looking at you because you know he can tell that you are with just a glance.

You forgot that he could also tell when you were nervous. He's always been able to read you like a children's book, and he always used that against you.

"It wasn't as easy for me to jump into another relationship as fast as you did." He stands up with the pan in his hand. The look he gives you makes your face feel hot; you begin choking over words.

"I- I don't wanna talk about this."

"I do." He slides the pan back when you reach for it but closes the distance between you. He gets so close that you have to crane your neck to look up at him. He's so close that you're scared he might hear the beat of your heart. He's so close that you could just kiss him. "I missed you, Y/n. More than you could ever imagine."

You admit you still have feelings for Jaehyun but won't act on them. After all, you're a firm believer in "Control your actions, not your emotions," but he's only getting closer and closer.

You start to rethink your philosophies when you breathe in the scent of his cologne. Your skin feels hot and you don't know how long you plan on holding back from him.

It's going to happen sooner or later, so why not sooner? You think as you allow him to take the last step needed to close the space between you.

When his lips connect with yours, you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him closer, and suddenly, he lifts you up by the back of your thighs to carry you back to his bedroom.

The bright yellow light beaming over your closed eyelids wakes you up from your deep slumber. The arm wrapped tightly around your abdomen causes your eyes to nearly bulge out of your head.

Your clothes sprawled on the floor is enough evidence to prove that last night wasn't just a dream. Being pretty much naked in nothing but one of his T-shirts is just the icing on top.

You really slept with your ex.

"Jaehyun," you whisper, gently tapping his arm, which is more than enough to wake him up.

He groans, "Good Morning" as he starts to lay kisses all over the back of your shoulders. And if possible, his hold on you just gets tighter as he pulls you back towards him.

"I have to go home."

"Sure thing, baby." He says, laying one kiss on the back of your head and another on your cheek. With that, he rolls off the bed and begins getting dressed, smiling like an idiot while he does so.

You choose to ignore it; for once, he wasn't acting like an asshole, and you just need some quietness while you take the time to collect your clothes from around the floor.

However, when you reach the car, your thoughts spew like a waterfall. "We can't do that again." You don't give him time to respond, to neither agree nor disagree, before you go on a tangent that lasts the entire 12-minute car ride.

"Okay," Jaehyun responds after pulling into the driveway of your childhood home.

He's never really been much of a talker; if anything, he just liked to say simple things that he knew would piss you off. You're certain this has to be one of them. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop your blood from growing hot.

"okay?" You repeat with squinted eyes. "I just told you I never wanted to see or talk to you again and just go 'okay?"

"What do you want me to say?" He almost laughs, and that just riles you up more.

"Anything else? Did you even mean everything you said yesterday, or were you just looking for sex?" He doesn't say anything at first. He looks away and gazes out the window for what feels like half an hour but is only 8 seconds.

"I don't know." He shrugs

"You don't know?" You repeat him yet again.

"Well, do you want me to tell you the truth?" He asks calm as ever, completely opposite to you.

"No, I don't." You murmur, stomping out of his car and slamming the door behind you.

Jaehyun lets you get to your porch before he rolls his passenger seat window down and shouts, "I'll pick you up at two." When you turn around, you're met with a dimpled smile and his crescent eyes.

If you weren't already so angry, you would've matched his smile, and for a second, you almost do.

He always knew how to make you mad and how to make you laugh. That's why you fell in love with each other, and it only took a special set of dimples to remind you of that.

The sun is still young at 2 p.m., well, 1:51 p.m., to be exact. You were coming to terms with the fact that you had slept with your ex and that you'd been counting the seconds, waiting for two o'clock to come.

The knock at the door sends you rushing down the steps, nearly tripping over your own feet. You barely contain your smile when you see Jaehyun standing on the other side of the door.

"You're early," you scoff, walking past him and closing the door behind you. Jaehyun does nothing but smile at you, reaching for your hand to pull you closer to him as he guides you to his car.

He leaves a kiss on your cheek and mumbles, "I couldn't wait to see you." To which you roll your eyes in an attempt to hide the way your lips turn up into a subtle smile.

The wind from outside seeps into the car as he drives through the highway, one hand interlocked with yours and the other on the steering wheel. He glances at you a few times and, after the third time, says, "You know this is a date, right?"

You turn your head towards the window and pretend like you can't hear him. Only for him to roll both windows up and repeat, "You know this is a date, right?"

"I didn't agree to a date." You retort, "I'm only here cause my mom forced me to."

"Is that why you're still holding my hand?" He asks, his eyes focused on the road ahead.

You shift in your seat, but you don't dare to let go of his hand. If anything, your grasp on him just gets tighter, and you go back to looking out the window. "My hand is cold, and yours is warm," you murmur.

Your answer warrants him to bring your hand up to his lips and leave a chaste kiss or a few. He does that often throughout the evening, randomly pulling you closer to him just to leave kisses on your cheek or forehead.

It feels like high school all over again. Jaehyun's still staring at you like a lovesick fool, and you still get butterflies in the pit of your stomach when you make eye contact. "This isn't a date," you state suddenly.

The warm breeze, carrying the scent of summer, gently tousles your hair as you gaze up at your ex. "And I meant what I said. After this, I don't wanna see you again." The air is filled with the sounds of young teens cheering and laughing, their voices blending into a joyful cacophony.

Jaehyun uses his index finger to move the hair out of your face and push it behind your ear. "Okay," he says softly, with his hand still lingering on your cheek. His thumb softly grazes your lower lip.

You breathe, "I'm serious, Jae." But the use of his nickname and the way you look at him tells him you're anything but serious.

"I know." He says, switching his focus between your eyes and your lips. He kisses you, but you take the initiative to pull him closer by the nape of his neck, feeling the heat of his body transform onto yours.

The feeling is all too familiar,‌ like euphoric bliss or, rather, a certain type of high you don't ever want to come down from. "I missed you." You slur against his lips, arms still tied around him so he can't go anywhere.

"I know." is all he says before he leans in to kiss you again.

The car is pretty silent other than the small taps of the raindrops on the windows and the music playing on his car radio at the lowest volume. Occasionally, you can hear vibrations from your phone.

Jaehyun's hand is firmly wrapped around yours, and it's been like that for the past hour. He pulls you right back every time you try to slip away. "So what about Sicheng? How is he?" you ask, resting your head against the back of the seat.

"He's married now," Jaehyun answers. The tips of his lips turn upwards into a smile when he sees your widened eyes.

"To whom?"

"I don't know her name." He looks off to the side as if to think. "They got married a year ago."

"I would've never thought." The car falls silent again, and just as soon as it does, your phone buzzes for probably the hundredth time of the night.

Jaehyun lets your hand go just long enough for you to check your messages.

There are over 20 missed calls from Joy and one text from her telling you to call her ASAP.

Then, there are three messages from your ex begging you to call him. His contact is still saved as "my love." It's been like that since you first got together, and you hadn't thought of changing it after you broke up.

Well, it's more like you couldn't bring yourself to do it. If you were to change his name and block him, things would be real for you. And you were desperately clinging on to hope. Maybe things will work out; you'll go back to L.A and be with him again.

"Are you okay?" Jaehyun pulls you out of your thoughts, sliding his hand into yours and interlocking your fingers.

"Yeah," you shake your head and lock your phone.

You have no idea what tomorrow might bring, but for tonight, you just want to sit with Jaehyun, even if it is just for tonight.

"Hello." It's probably 6 am if you had to guess. Birds are singing right outside of your window, and the sun isn't all the way up yet.

You sit up in your bed with one hand holding your phone to your ear and the other moving your hair out of your face. "Why didn't you call me back?" Joy's voice echoes through the speaker of your phone.

"Maybe because I was asleep?" You snap back, eyes barely open.

"I got you a job." That's enough to have you leaping off your bed with your eyes jumping out of the socket.

"Say, sike." You chirp. "Please don't say sike."

"I'm serious; I told them you were out of town, but you can start next month." She explains, calm as ever.

"Joy, you are amazing." You exclaim into the phone. "Have I ever told you you're the bestest best friend in the entire world?"

"You've mentioned it a few times." You don't have to see her to know that she's smirking. "I have to go now. I just wanted to tell you about the job. I'll call you back later."

She doesn't give you time to say anything else before the call is dropped. You throw your phone down and plop down on your bed. You can't help but smile, thinking about how things are gonna go back to normal.

However, when you feel your phone vibrate against your side and you read Jaehyun's name ‌off your screen, your smile fades. You were so excited about going back to L.A that you forgot about him.

For the next few days, you do your best to forget about everything and just spend time with Jaehyun, whether it be chatting in his car or even helping him redecorate his sad and cold jail ce- apartment.

"What's the catch?" Jaehyun asks suddenly, his index finger twirling in your hair. You shift your ‌ head against his chest to look at him.

"What are you talking about?"

"You've been acting really weird lately," he explains, "You're all clingy now. Which I like, but it also feels too good to be true." You can see a shift in the way he looks at you and in the tone of his voice. "It feels like you might try to leave me again."

"I'm just trying to make up for lost time." You're too afraid to tell him that your time with him is limited. Too afraid of his reaction and of your own emotions.

"You don't have to lie to me." He sits up against the headboard of his bed, and you do the same thing. "I knew this was only temporary, and I know I shouldn't have let my feelings get involved again." Jaehyun takes a deep breath before continuing, "But I love you. I think I always will."

When you don't say anything, he keeps going. "Let's try again." He says.

"Jaehyun-" He cuts you off with a kiss, not wanting to hear ‌your rejection.

"We can move to L.A together." He speaks against your lips, "And we can find an apartment. I'll get a job, I'll sell my car if I have to."

His determination makes you giggle, and soon enough, he starts laughing with you."I thought you hated the city."

"I do. But you love the city, and I love you,"

"I didn't know you were such a romantic." You beam, butterflies erupting as he reaches to move the hair out of your face and behind your ear.

"But we'll have to move my son out too. I'm not asking you to play stepmom, but I do want to be in his life." Jaehyun speaks casually, but your jaw is growing heavy, and the butterflies are starting to feel like poison or mini daggers hitting your gut all at once.

You only manage to squeak "What?" Even though there are so many questions, you want to ask.

"I'm kidding." He breaks into a laugh, but you're still left confused and slightly heartbroken.

"That's not funny, Jae." You whine when he pulls you in to leave a kiss on your forehead.

"It's hilarious, baby."

You jump up off the bed the second your phone begins to vibrate, running to the door and checking the doorway to make sure Jaehyun is occupied before you slowly and softly close the door to answer the call.

"Hello?" You breathe into your phone speaker as you tiptoe back to the bed.

"Hello? Girl, why are you whispering." Joy asks, "Where are you?"

You don't have to answer that question because Jaehyun answers that question for you when he busts through the door to ask "Do you want take out or should we cook tonight?"

"Take out." You answer, covering your phone mic.

Still, your best friend hears everything, "Who is that?" She questions.

"Okay, do you want Pizza or Chinese food?" Jaehyun asks, leaning in between the doorway.

"Y/n, that better not be who I think it is." Joy scolds from her end of the line.

You answer Jaehyun to ignore Joy. "I don't know, you choose," you say urgently, anything to get him out of the room.

"I know how you are, baby. I don't want to get you something that you don't feel like eating," Jaehyun explains, walking further into the room.

The closer he gets, the louder your heart beats and the more your best friend yells at you. "Baby?" She barks through the speaker and right into your ear.

You rush to hit the mute button, but with your eyes focused on Jaehyun, you slip up and accidentally put your best friend on speaker phone. "Y/n, you better answer me right now."

When her voice rings through the room, your heart stops beating altogether. For the second time this month, you want to vanish, disappear into thin air, and cease to exist.

"Hi, Joy." Jaehyun greets with a large grin that shows his dimples on full display.

Joy only responds in a monotone, "Jaehyun." You rush to say, "I'll do a plain cheese pizza." Once again, you are just trying to get him out of the room.

"Sure thing, baby." He cooes, with a kiss to your cheek. Soon enough he's out of the room and you're alone again. With a deafening silence.

"Things happened." You hesitantly speak.

"Things like what?" Your clothes slipped off, and you fell into his bed?" You hear a sigh immediately after she snaps, and you're too afraid to say anything else. "What about—"" I don't wanna talk about him," you interject.

"Okay, but does he know you're coming back?" Joy asks, referring to Jaehyun. When you don't answer, she gets worried. "You are coming back, right?"

"Of course I'm coming back. I just haven't told him yet." You trail off on the last part.

She doesn't say anything for a long while, and neither do you. You sit in your own disappointment, you didn't need her to tell you that you messed up because you already knew that.

"Y/n, I'm only saying this because I love you…" It doesn't take a genius to know that what's coming next is about to hurt. "You're being really stupid right now."

That hurt a lot more than you thought it would. "Wow, thanks, Joy."

"Listen, I don't want you to get hurt again."

"I'm not, he's changed, and things are different now." You explain although you're not even sure you believe it yourself.

"Then why haven't you told him yet?" She asks, but you don't answer. "You're going to give him the chance to break you again?"

"He's not," you cry, pulling against the ends of Jaehyun's oversized shirt, which you stole out of his drawer to wear.

Joy can hear the tone of your voice soften, so she softens hers as well, but it doesn't change the gravity of her words. "Do you remember how long it took for-" "Please don't mention him." You interrupt her, already knowing who she's about to bring up.

"Look I'll figure things out, but for now I just wanna be happy." You continue, "I think I deserve that."

"You do, Y/n. You deserve nothing but happiness, and if he makes you happy, then don't let me get in your way. but don't forget who you have waiting for you in California with open arms." Joy attests

"I know you're just looking out for me, but I don't know if I can go back to him knowing what I did while I was here."

"You know better than I do that he'd never judge you." And you did. You knew that very well. Your ex never made you feel insignificant or anything of the sort. He never shamed you or made you feel guilty for anything. But that didn't change the fact that you would judge yourself.

"I just need time to think about everything." You say, almost in a whisper.

"I trust that you'll do the right thing." Joy reassures, "I'm gonna go now. I love you."

"I love you too." You say before hanging up the phone and throwing it on the other side of the bed. The call leaves you feeling nothing but confused, and Jaehyun notices it the second he walks into the room.

Your subtle pout and the way you're holding the pillow to your chest tell him exactly how you're feeling. "What's wrong?" He takes the seat beside you, tugging at your waist so you can scoot closer to him.

"Did you mean what you said about moving to L.A.?" You ask first. Your hand rests over his when he reaches to stroke your cheek.

"I wouldn't play about that Y/n"

You take a deep breath when you get the answer you want. "Joy got me a job, and they want me to start next month."

"What? That's amazing, baby." He cooes, grabbing each of your hands. "We're going to L.A"

He reacted way differently than you imagined he would; the look on his face tells you he's sincere, and the flutter in your heart makes you hope that he really is. You don't think you can take another heartbreak, not from him.

As you stand in your old room, the brown paper box at your feet, you can't help but feel a strong sense of nostalgia wash over you. You take in every detail: the way the sunlight filters through the window, casting a warm glow on everything in the room; the creaking sound of the wooden floorboards under your feet, each one carrying a memory of its own; and the scent of your old perfume that still lingers in the air, like a faint echo of a bygone era.

This time, as you prepare to leave, it feels different. It feels like you're saying goodbye for good, and the thought of leaving this place forever fills you with a deep sense of loss. When you first arrived in Connecticut, you couldn't wait to leave, but now you find yourself wishing you could stay just a little bit longer so you could relive the memories of your past, which you hold so dear.

However, you know that the real reason you're dreading going back is that you don't want to face your ex. The thought of telling him that you're now in a relationship with the man you used to cry to him about fills you with anxiety. You're unsure of how he'll react, and the mere prospect of facing him makes your heart race with fear.

The more you think about it, the more you realize that things are not looking good for you. You're caught between your love for your new partner and your fear of the unknown.

Suddenly, your mom yells from downstairs, "Y/n, someone is here for you." You don't pay much attention to the hesitation in her voice, too lost in thought. You wish you had because when you reach the bottom of the stairs and look up, Doyoung, your ex, is standing right across from you with a saddened smile and a black duffle bag. Your heart skips a beat as you see him. You hadn't expected him to be here, but now that he is, you don't know how to react. You mutter, "What are you doing here?" As you wrap your arms around yourself, unsure of what to do next.

Part 2