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sinisterexaggerator · 1 year

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Headcanon...?

Spoilers for a fic I will write eventually?

Do not read if you do not like made-up, author-indulgent backstories for characters who exist in the GFFA. This one is almost hard to post because it's kind of personal. Like, a story so plot driven that I am nervous people will hate my interpretation and my ships. Oh well, I guess, it's happening.

A discussion in the Duros hoes chat, and then between me and @allsystemsblue, got me thinking about what is Cad Bane's real name? It sure as hell ain't Cad Bane. A lot of the fandom seems to agree on that. "Cad" and "bane" are both words in the dictionary that can be defined.

Cad: a man who behaves dishonorably, especially toward a woman. / scoundrel / rogue / rascal.

Bane: a cause of great distress or annoyance. / scourge / ruin / death.

We shall come back to this.

I have a scene mapped out for Stars Above in which I want Cad to run into his sister. I have a plan for his backstory that does not include this particular fanfic, but another, a series I am working on that will be entitled "Annuals of an Outlaw," and is essentially a collection of works I have outlined that will contain my version of Cad Bane's "story" from his beginnings on Duro in the Descent Ghetto, to after the Clone Wars and beyond.

Yes, it will have smut. And angst. Lots and lots of angst. Many character will appear, including Jango, Hondo, Aurra, Bossk, Embo, Zam, Dengar, Todo 360, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and even Boba at some point. Oh, and let us not forget Shriv Suurgav. :)

Yes, Shriv.

You cannot stop me. Don't even try. This is my magnum opus, and by God it will make sense narratively. Just you wait. Or don't. I don't care. I am still going to write this thing if it's the last thing I ever do.

First of all, I enjoy playing around with Star Wars name generators. That is how I came up with the name of my OC, Zulara. I started sifting through them, piecing last names together with other first names, and voilà, a new name appeared to me that caught my attention.

Originally, I was looking for Durese words that maybe meant something in relation to his occupation or personality, but none of them called out. It appears others had that same idea in the past, so it makes sense to go with something new.

Anyway, my name for Cad Bane is Lumoon Troks.

Here are the outpouring of thoughts I had on the matter before I could stop myself. I came up with this over the last hour or two, and I am digging it so far. Who knows, maybe I will change my mind. It's helping me to fill in a lot of gaps, anyway, that I had in the plot, and I am happy about that.

So, I am giving Bane siblings. Two much older sisters, two brothers who are 1-2 years apart, and a younger sister who is four or five at the time Lumoon finally leaves home.

His siblings call him Lu, or Moon for short. When they want to be annoying, they call him Moody Moon, or "Lemon" because of his sour outlook ( lemons are "canon" in SW, I checked).

To sum things up briefly, Bane's mother was a kindhearted woman and his father was a gruff workaholic. They both were employed in the factories and rarely had time to spend with their family, but had too many mouths to feed.

Cad gets into trouble quite often. He runs wild in the streets from a young age. Maybe he hooks up with the wrong crowd. Nothing too menacing; some petty theft, vandalism, etc, etc.

His father's angry about it. He refuses to take on work in the factories with him. He wants more for himself. He's not about that grind day in, day out life. Things get so toxic between them that he leaves to make his own way, stops coming home, worries his mother sick, and his little sister to boot.

So much so, his little sister ( talking maybe preschool / kindergartener age ) decides she has to "bring Moon home" and takes it upon herself to find him. She loves her big brother and sorely misses him.

This does not end well. At all. The worst possible scenario unfolds. The first of many tragedies in Cad Bane's life. It deeply affects him. He tries to go to his mother; she isn't the same Duros any longer. She coldshoulders him, ignores him, and she suffers from a broken heart.

Cad blames himself. "She went out to find you and never came home." This time, he really does leave and never returns. I am sure there is a final fight between him and his father that maybe seals the deal. He takes up random jobs, anything that pays, from sex work, to being hired muscle, to thieving, to murder, you name it, as long as the pay is good and it keeps his mind off his own problems.

He learns skills along the way, and he also learns from his mistakes. Things start being a little too easy. He's tired of being bossed around. He wants to be his own boss. So, that's exactly what he becomes.

He decides to try his hand at bounty hunting. He begins to make a name for himself, except, he hasn't. He needs a new one, something intimidating, striking, and rememberable. Plus, he doesn't want his birthname floating around; that makes him vulnerable, as well as the rest of his surviving kin.

Bane's mother, in the early days of his youth, used to scold him for misbehaving. She called him the equivalent of a cad in Durese, and it translated that way from basic, something along the lines of "Lumoon! Quit being such a cad, you naughty boy!"

It means something to him. He feels it embodies what he has become. It is also a tribute to his mother as well as a punishment; something he has to live with and that he brought upon himself.

The next thing you know, one of his many enemies makes a snarky comment, saying to him, "you are the bane of my existence," or simply, "you are a bane!" From there, his new name takes shape in his mind. He thinks if you put two and two together, it sounds kind of nice. It sticks. He starts to introduce himself like that, when before he had only referred to himself as Cad.

Another misfortune befalls him, which I mentioned I wanted him to run into his sister. This would happen off-world somewhere, years later, and during the reign of the Galactic Empire. She would say something to the likes of: "Mom died. She never gave up on you. She waited for you to come home, everyday. I didn't have the heart to tell her I had seen your wanted posters."

It tears him apart for awhile. His second great tragedy. Never getting to reconcile with the Duros who raised him and whom he loved. He harbors this for the rest of his life.

Of course, running in the streets, he learns not to trust people. He's jaded. He gets fucked over a time or two, badly, and by people he thinks he can trust. He develops a shell; a way of looking at the world that allows him to keep his guard up for his own protection.

In that same vein, I believe Bane can love and that he can love hard given the right circumstances. One of the many reasons he's kept from saying it, is because every person he has ever cared about has either turned on him or dies. The galaxy is a harsh mistress. He's afraid of a repeat scenario; he doesn't let himself get close. He tells himself he's better off alone, doesn't need anybody; he prefers to run without a pack.

That is, until he meets Jango.

And, that, my friends, is a whole other story, but I want to add that Cad Bane has bad dreams. Nightmares, even. Visions. Terrible things happen, old memories replay, he is haunted by his past. The sister he couldn't save; the mother he thought had stopped loving him; the father he was never good enough to please.

Hondo compares himself to a sun, and Bane is the moon. This would fuck with him psychologically, and cause him to react unexpectantly should the nickname stick - one that is reminiscent of his childhood. It is Hondo Ohnaka in my story that saves Bane from himself after Fett meets his untimely end.

Jango, Hondo, and Shriv may call him moody from time-to-time, or grumpy, but that also does not sit well, either, considering his past.

Once Jango dies, and once he fails at training Boba, Cad is even more a wreck than before. In my story, he also does not get to reconcile with his old partner and mentor after their falling out. He drinks himself stupid in the presence of Boba to the point the boy gets fed-up and they have their duel.

Bane, in my mind, can't accept Boba as Fett's son; he is a clone; he could never accept the clone contract from the get go - it put a rift in their relationship. This adds more fuel to the "look out for yourself" fire that is his quote in the Book of Boba Fett.

Sorry this got so long-winded, but, I had to get that out as it came to me. Now, to actually write the story all these ideas are for!

#Star Wars #Cad Bane #Hondo Ohnaka #Shriv Suurgav #fictional backstories #headcanon #self-indulgent af

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aquietwritingcorner · 1 year

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Safety Net

Title: Safety Net Day: Whumptober 2023 Day 1 Prompt: "But now this room is spinning while I'm trying just to fill in all the gaps" Safety Net/Swooning/"How many fingers are I holding up?" Fandom: TMNT 1987 Word Count: 1074 Author: aquietwritingcorner/realitybreakgirl Rating: K/G Characters: Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, Michelangelo Warning: NA Summary: Leonardo needs to jump from the blimp before it falls to the ground. But it's hard to do that when everything is moving around you. Notes: First time writing the 87 turtles, so I'll probably look back at this and cringe one day, but we've got to start somewhere! AO3 || ff.net

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Safety Net

Leonardo grabbed onto the railing, holding tightly to it as the blimp swooped in the air. It was hard to keep his footing when he wasn't entirely sure which way the blimp was tilting. At least, he was pretty sure it was the blimp that was tilting. That was the only thing that made sense, right? After all, Shredder and Krang had stolen this blimp, and now that it had crashed into the Channel Six building, it was, of course, tilting as if fell.

It was too bad that the villainous duo had gotten away, but at least April had gotten everyone out of the building, and that was good. His brothers, too, seemed to have gotten off of the blimp, which had been the plan. He, actually, should be getting off the blimp too, but it was moving too much for him to be able to properly throw his grappling hook.

"Leonardo!" Leonardo heard Raphael call his name. "Leonardo, what are you doing? Throw your grapple!"

The blimp tilted under his feet again, and he clung to the railing. "I can't!" he said. "The blimp is moving too much!"

"Moving too much? What are you talking about?" Raphael called up.

"His head!" Donatello said. "I bet he hit his head!"

Leonardo had no idea what his brothers were talking about. All he knew was that he needed to get off of this blimp, but he couldn't. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Jump, bro!" Michelangelo called.

"What?" Leonardo's eyes opened and he tried to look down at his brothers. The blimp must still be shifting around, because he couldn't get his brothers to stay in one place in his sight.

"Jump!" Michelangelo repeated. "We'll catch you! Like a safety net!"

Leonardo admittedly had his doubts about that, but he also didn't see that he had too much of a choice. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Jump!" he heard Donatello say.

"We don't have all day, Leonardo!" Raphael called up to him.

Right. Leonardo could hear the building crumbling.

He took a breath, opened his eyes, and did his best to aim for where he thought his brothers were.

The fall itself was not very long, but it felt terrifying. Everything moving past him as he fell made Leonardo's head feel dizzy and everything seemed to be topsy-turvy as he fell. Leonardo closed his eyes. He'd rather not see the moment he hit the pavement, thanks.

Fortunately, his fall didn't end with the abrupt ending of pavement, but instead with the feeling of his brothers' warm arms. Huh. What about that. They did catch him. He didn't have time to comprehend that, though, before his brothers were whisking him away, and he caught the sound of something big crumbling and falling to the ground, hitting with a hard thump, and the sound of gas escaping.

Good thing he got off that blimp.

His brothers stopped, finally, and he was sat on the grass, his head still spinning from everything.

"Well, I guess that brought Shredder's plans to a crashing halt," he heard more than saw Raphael say. "Good thing you—hey, you okay, Leonardo?"

"Leonardo?" Donatello said, kneeling in front of Leonardo.

"Dude, is he okay?" Michelangelo asked from somewhere nearby. "He kinda looks like he's swooning, like those ladies in the movies."

"Let's hope we don't end up with another D'Artangnan situation on our hands again," Raphael said. He bullied his way in front of Donatello. "Hey, Blue Boy, how many fingers am I holding up?"

"Would you two cut it out," Donatello said, pushing Raphael back out of the way. "Just focus on me for a moment, Leonardo, alright?"

"Sure thing, Donatello," Leonardo said, "but do you think that all of you could stop moving around so much?"

"Moving around?" Donatello asked but didn't wait for an answer as felt around Leonardo's head. Leonardo hissed when one place in particular hurt, more sensitive than the rest of his head. Donatello withdrew his fingers.

"That's a pretty big and pretty sensitive lump on the back of your head, there," Donatello said. "Let me look at your eyes really fast." Leonardo didn't fight it, and Donatello stared at his eyes for a moment, holding one open and shining a flashlight he had produced from somewhere in Leonardo's eyes.

Leonardo didn't particularly care for that.

"Concussion," Donatello said. "That explains why he thought the blimp was moving, and how much trouble he was having with his grapple."

"A concussion? When did he have time to get a concussion?" Raphael asked.

"Maybe during the commercial break?" Michelangelo suggested.

Donatello shook his head. "No, more than likely it was when that metal rod fell on him earlier. Who knew that rod would have done this much damage."

"Will he be okay?" Michelangelo asked.

"Of course, he will," Raphael said. "He's got to be back to normal by next week's episode."

"He'll be fine," Donatello said. "We just need to get him home and let him rest."

"That sounds like a great idea," Leonardo agreed, finally finding something about this conversation that he liked.

He felt Raphael and Donatello slip under his arms on each side, supporting him as his head seemed to swim around for a lot longer than Leonardo thought it should.

"The Turtle Van is right over here," Donatello said.

"Convenient," Raphael said.

"Michelangelo is going to bring it closer," Donatello continued, as if Raphael hadn't spoken at all. "We'll get you in, and then head home, alright?"

"Get you some tea, your favorite blanket, turn on the television for you," Raphael said.

Leonardo let out a small laugh as his brothers helped him walk, and as Michelangelo appeared in the side door of the Turtle Van, ready to help him get in. He gave his brothers a bit of squeeze.

"Thanks, guys," he said. "I should know that you'll always be there to catch me."

"Dude, of course, bro," Michelangelo said as he helped Leonardo sit down in the Turtle Van

"What's family for?" Donatello asked as he went to get in the driver's seat.

"Was there every any doubt?" Raphael asked as he buckled up and the van pulled away. "No, really, I want to know, was there? Because I have to tell you, I would not trust you three to catch a ball much less a turtle."

Leonardo laughed as they drove off, glad to be surrounded by his own, personal safety net.

#whumptober2023 #no.1 #Safety Net #TMNT 1987 #TMNT #fan fiction #tmnt leonardo #1987 Leonardo #TMNT 1987 Leonardo

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fictitious-fluff · 2 years

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This was written in 2021 for Tickletober2021. (also posted on @ticklishshenanigansau using their prompts) Posting this here to log my progress as a writer.

(yes i am p ry lc, have to seperate the name as I want this to be a seperate account that people that know me irl wont be able to find it by searching up my name)

Brush the Stubbornness Away

Prompt: Brushes / Paint

Fandom: Undertale

No pairings

Masterpost

What time was it. 6am? 7am? Either way it was early. Papyrus and Frisk were doing something in the living room, but what? Sans had never been woken up by noise before but I guess this was his unlucky day. He sluggishly sat up from his mattress, not being able to go back to sleep. Tiredly, Sans decided he should get some coffee or ketchup to help him start the day. He threw on his jacket and started walking out of his room. Teleporting when he was tired was never a good idea anyways. Walking down the stairs, he closed and rubbed his eyes, trying to get accustomed to the light.

"Frisk, can you hand me more yellow paint on your left?"

One step

"Okay!"

Two ste- CRASH

Both Papyrus and Frisk's head snapped to the staircase. There was Sans, lying face flat on a puddle of blue paint with one of his foot in a paint can. "ngh... ow." Sans winced. Papyrus rushed over to Sans with a concerned look on his face. "Are you alright Sans?" he asked.

"yeah m'fine." Sans replied, pushing himself upright. "what are ya doing anyways? and why are ya doing it so early in the morning... "

"Oh! Frisk and I are just making a masterpiece painting. As for the timing... We thought you wouldn't be woken up even if we did it this early. Guess we were wrong." Papyrus stated. "You should get yourself cleaned up brother."

"m'lazy.. i'll just stay here and watch for the next 1 hour while ya do your thing. anyways, it's not that bad, see?" Sans pointed at his jacket. "it's just like my jacket, almost indistinguishable heh" he snickered. Papyrus squinted his eyes at Sans, giving him a 'seriously?' look which just made Sans's grin widen.

Papyrus thought about something for a brief moment and then smirked. "Well brother... Since you insist on not cleaning yourself on your own, let me help you." With that, Papyrus turned Sans's soul blue. Frisk peeked over, curious to see what Papyrus had in store. "Frisk, could you help me get the dry scrub brushes from the drawer in our toilet upstairs? Oh and a small pail of water if you are able to handle it. Thanks!" Frisk nodded and sprinted upstairs.

"!? uh... is it bad that i'm nervous and have no idea what you are planning? heh..." Sans stammered, while trying to kick the bucket off.

"Come on brother, I'm sure you can figure it out. You're good with crosswords aren't you? Just fill in the gaps using the 'clues'." Papyrus stated.

After the paint bucket finally came off, Sans thought about it for a moment. "paps i really have no idea what you're trying to hint at. unless it's trying to just scrub the paint of me or somthing. judging by your smirk though, thats probably not the whole stor- wait..." a thought seemed to occur is Sans's mind. "you're n-not thinking what i think you're thinking of right? please say i'm wrong this time."

"If you're thinking what I'm thinking of right now, then yes brother."

Gulp. "h-hey paps, let's not be too harsh. we can just talk about this o-okay?"

Just as Sans spoke, Frisk came running down. Trying to balance 3 scrub brushes in one hand while holding a pail on the other. She was trying to be as fast as possible yet not drop any of the brushes.

"Sorry dear brother but you've brought this upon yourself. I tried to be nice."

Sans considered teleporting away but soon realised that with Papyrus's soul magic active on him, it would probably be really dangerous to try. Persuading didn't seem like it was doing anything and using his attacks or soul magic on Papyrus to push him away was out of the window too, since he didn't want to risk hurting Pap. He was really in for it this time... doomed. Geez why had he not just listened?

"Thanks!" Papyrus exclaimed as Frisk handed him the brushes. "Feel free to join in whenever you feel like it Frisk."

Papyrus playfully grinned, holding up a soaked brush. "Ready?"

"please, no. we can calmy talk about this please!" Sans chuckled nervously. Eyes locked on the dreaded cleaning tool.

"Too late brother!" with that, Papyrus darted for Sans's ribs.

"gh! waiiiahaiitttahha pahaahaaaapppp- stahahhaap naahahhaa!!!" Sans cackled. His ribs had always been really sensitive, whether it be pain, or touch, and that was with fingers. Now, it wasn't just that, it was full blown brushes! Together with the cold water, the both made terrible combinations.

Damn he wished he had just complied.

Frisk looked in awe. Skeletons can be ticklish? How? She had so many questions swirling in her mind. However, she put her questions aside and dipped a brush in the pail, eager to help 'clean' Sans up.

"You can clean his feet if you want to Frisk."

"Okay!" Frisk chirped

"nohooooo waiiiiiieeeheett aha! oh gahaad staaaahaap! frihisk nahaa-" Sans cackled. "pleeheease! I cahaaan't ahaa!"

"Are you going to clean yourself now brother? Or do Frisk and I have to continue helping you?"

"yeheaahass!! pleheehease staahap oh gaahaad!"

"Hm.." Papyrus contemplated for awhile. "If I stopped now, who's to say you won't do it again? I think you should be punished a little longer juuusst to make sure."

"nahahaa! Iheem saharaahaeee" He regretted everything. Maybe he pushed pap's buttons too far this time, especially this early in the morning. However, something about this was... slightly fun? Maybe the bonding? Though, it was still maddening. "pleeheease nohoo ahah!"

Papyrus soon started to slowly work his way down to Sans's lower ribs. This made Sans shriek and squirm more than ever. He really tried his best to pull away but it was all futile. It was amazing how he hadn't kicked Frisk yet.

"plehe-pleeeheese merheeceehee!!!" sans wailed. "sstaahaaaa--!"

"Okay, okay I think the poor guy has had enough." Papyrus snickered, removing his gravity spell from Sans. "Frisk, you can stop now."

As both Frisk and Papyrus stopped, Sans gasped for air. "th..hff... thank... god...hf.."

"Do you need water?" Papyrus questioned.

"ys.. please... hff, thanks pap."

"No problem brother!"

"You all right Sans?" Frisk asked.

"ye.. hf.. i'm fine. thanks for asking kiddo." Sans replied.

"thnks pap" Sans said, gulping down the cup of water.

"After drinking your water remember to go shower." Papyrus reminded.

"i don't know- i'm still a little tired... and a couple more minutes of lieing here wo-" Papyrus glared at sans. "okay, okay! i'll go now! hehe geez." Sans then teleported upstairs to get himself cleaned up.

Needless to say, that morning sure had been an eventful, and messy one too.

#ticklish!sans #papyrus #frisk #platonic #undertale #tickletober2021 #Ler!papyrus #Lee!sans

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angelofthepage · 2 years

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"But there is one rule we all know and respect down here. Beware the ink demon." (And the spoilers associated with him.)

Hey folks, let's talk about spoilers and social media. The Bendy fandom is no stranger to reminding people regularly to tag their spoilers, there's an image that used to go around every time a new chapter was close to release asking for us to be considerate of those who couldn't play on launch. And likewise, there are a lot of people who just did not care and would not tag their stuff during the first game's release. Tumblr tends to be alright, but Twitter has some serious issues with it, and even with the mute and block tools, it's hard to avoid spoilers without logging out for the next month. I say this as a warning to all the new people joining us for this experience, since you might not be aware of what a storm you're in for.

So as you might expect, I'm here to say that tagging your spoilers would be a very good idea, and if you could do that while posting about Bendy and the Dark Revival, I would very much appreciate it please. For me this means tagging my own posts as #batdr, #bendy and the dark revival, #batdr spoilers, and #bendy and the dark revival spoilers if I share any of my thoughts publicly, and then blocking those tags so I don't see them from anyone else, just to fill in all the gaps in case someone uses one term but not the others. I'm also going to ask that you please not send any BATDR asks to my askbox until I've specified it's okay (I will post and tell you when that is, but my current guess is in early December, subject to change).

Bendy and the Dark Revival is a game we've been waiting for for a few years now, and everyone is so excited to see what's in store for this story. Just as I don't want that magic ruined for me, I don't want to ruin the magic for anyone else. I've had previous pieces of Bendy media spoiled for me on day one, and I'm not about that (looking at you people who spoiled DCTL's ending the day it officially released). I'm one of those people that can't get the game to play on day one, so I can't experience it for myself just yet. My hope is to follow SuperHorrorBro's let's play for the time being, given I enjoy his presentation style (also I just got done with his Hello Puppets Midnight Show playthrough and it was great, highly recommend it). He's good about not being too spoilery in the thumbnails and titles too, which I appreciate (seriously thank you for all your hard work Mike, you rock). Normally I would want to play a new game for myself, but I'd rather not have to log off of everything until after December. I have nutcracker stuff, Christmas projects, and voice acting to handle within that time on my other accounts. So this is the current plan.

To everyone out there excited for BATDR, I hope you all have a great time with this game, however you experience it, and that you get to choose how you experience it. Make use of the tools you have (I recommend implementing them the night before release if you're able to). Blocking, muting terms, tagging, using private chats on discord with threads and forums, readmore's here on Tumblr, extra slides with spoiler warnings on Instagram, you have a bunch of tools at your disposal to make your fandom experience and the experience of those around you a good one. I will be using all of those tools where applicable. If you bypass those tools and spoil the game for me before I'm ready to engage with the fandom, you will be blocked. I'm not someone that blocks on the spot normally, but this is one of those boundaries I'm firm on. If I can't trust you to be respectful of one of my few boundaries, I don't want you on my page.

Be safe and have fun out there, and be careful roaming through the inky halls!

#bendy #batdr #bendy and the dark revival #batdr spoilers #bendy and the dark revival spoilers #bendy spoilers #seriously dont spoil this game for me #i have had too many bad fandom experiences #this will not be one of them #long post

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piastrinorris · 1 year

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get to know me!

anna @keerysquinn filled this in and i was thinking about my own answers and realised they go on for ages so i figured if y'all ever wanted a super lore drop about me. here it is!

since my answers are so long, i'm not going to tag anyone, but if you also get inspired to answer, i'm more than happy to learn about people so you can tag me in as the reason you want to answer these!

(under the cut bc of how long it gets lol)

Name(real or alias): rj. letter r, letter j. (i have to spell it out especially when i'm in america bc people think i'm saying audrey) it's an abbreviation of my given name, which considering it's common knowledge that i'm afab, it's probably pretty easy to guess? but i don't want anyone calling me anything other than rj, or ridge

ridge comes from the sounds 'ruh' and 'juh' being said real quickly in succession. my friend jamie once sent me an ask on my old blog forever ago that started with 'hey ridge' and i fell in love with it, but something feels weirdly overfamiliar when people call me it who i'm not mutuals with?? anyway, that's why my user tag is userridge, bc it wasn't being used and it is a legit nickname of mine i've had for years

Age: [schmidt from new girl voice] TWENNY-NOINE

Country you live in: england (derogatory). the oldies at the care home i work at (not for much longer!!) always assume that bc i visit my friends in america so often, i'm planning on moving there, but tbh as much as i'd love to not be an ocean away from the people i love most, domestic day-to-day life in america isn't worth the move. i'd rather sensationalise the one or two trips i get to wal-mart every year, lol

Fandoms: the only fandom i actively participate in, in terms of consuming regular fanart, fanfiction, character analysis, gifmaking and shipping, is stranger things. i have a lot of other interests in other media that i love to consume, but i don't necessarily feel any particular urge to take part in most, if any, parts of fandom culture within those interests like i do with stranger things and other projects affiliated with its actors

Why are you on tumblr (writer or reader or both): i've gone from being strictly a stranger things reader insert writer, to an all-characters-played-by-the-joes reader insert writer, to a sometimes reader insert writer but not for stranger things, sometimes pairing writer but only for stranger things rarepairs, and also now gifmaker!

Favorite thing about yourself: i can take care of people, and i'm good at it. i can make people feel better, and i can stand up for them when it's needed

Something you think you are known for: being the co-captain of cheerscoops, and The Ralph Mutual (which is a kind way of saying the mutual mentally unwell enough to write a six-figure word count about a character with six minutes of screentime)

Who are you in a friend group(partier, mom, talkative, etc): lol what's a friend group? i kid, i kid. i don't really have any irl friend "groups" anymore, but even back when i did, i was more of a gap filler. like, i wasn't one of the first people invited to things, but then later on if someone dropped out or if the group realised more people could come, then i'd be offered

in online groups, i like to think i'm someone who makes people laugh? i'm definitely the indecisive one who needs to crowdsource every choice put in front of me, but that's what you get when you befriend a nonbinary bisexual lol. i also like to bounce ideas back and forth with people, though admittedly despite how often i do it, i do also hold myself back from it a lot bc i don't want people to think i'm taking their idea and running with it

Who do you love the most: keep this clip in mind as you read the next part of this sentence: ask me that again and look at my url. i haven't felt such a (distantly) parasocial connection towards (not with, there's a difference) any celebrity in a long time that i do with the joes. like, i don't want to know anything about their personal lives in the slightest, but i'm always excited to see what they're doing next, in a way i'm not necessarily about anybody else

What brought you to tumblr in the first place: this blog started out because @denim-mixtapes and i, who met through our former blogs dedicated to A Fandom We Don't Talk About Any More, were yelling about eddie munson via snapchat, discord, instagram, our public twitter accounts and our private ones, tiktok, maybe more? and then @fanatictypist, also a friend from AFWDTAAM and deep in the brainrot but never having taken the break from tumblr that mandy and i did, suggested taking our ideas to tumblr bc this was july 2022 when hype was INSANELY real

before that, i made a blog specifically for AFWDTAAM because a) i missed the fandom blog i'd had before that which i had previously deactivated, and b) i realised there was reader insert fanfiction for said fandom, but not enough featuring the person that i liked the most, so i started writing. i'd never written x reader before then.

before that, as i said, i had a fandom blog. it was the one i used to join rp groups on tumblr, which was fun until it wasn't. and i realised that i was going through a cycle of finding a new group, enjoying their company, having major drama ensue, and eventually instead of just moving to another rp group to see the same thing happen over n over again, i just deactivated entirely. i miss rp-ing, but also i wouldn't go back to it at the age of 29

Is there something you regret doing: i have a lot of things that i have learned from, and i regret the fact that actions i've made have hurt people, always inadvertently, but still. i wish that the things that helped me to grow weren't at the expense of other people feeling bad about something in regard to me, but i don't think that constitutes regret.

being autistic, a lot of the time, people seem to just drop me out of seemingly nowhere. and my irl bestie does tell me that a lot of the people i end up befriending, are people she gets a bad vibe from or doesn't really trust, and they're always the ones who don't stick around. but i do feel as though i must be accountable, too, and i know and understand that nobody owes me an explanation if i have done something that warrants them no longer wanting me in their life, but also, how do i know what i need to do to salvage important relationships to me if they don't think it important enough to tell me? that's why i'm a big advocate that your friends should not be your 100% hype men. if they are, i don't trust them. i need people to call me out on my shit and tell me if i'm doing something wrong, or going too far. and i need to feel like i can do the same with them, without them getting offended. it's for both of our benefits

Top five songs: ugh okay each of these has a v significant meaning so here goes

fool - djo: as previously mentioned, am autistic. i got myself diagnosed at 20, and everything suddenly made sense. my mum refused to accept it, told me that everybody's a little on the spectrum, that i only think i am bc i've looked it up and aligned myself with the traits. i learned at 28 that actually, i've had a diagnosis since i was 4. mum just never ever did anything to help me. not when i was going through school wanting to **** ****** bc i knew i was the "weird kid" but i didn't know what made me so weird that everyone ganged up on me so i didn't know how to fix it. turns out i couldn't. i could have gotten more support, but i didn't. and even now that they know i know about the og diagnosis, my parents refuse to acknowledge it. for years, they would scold and bully me away from behaviours that were actually just me stimming, and merely existing as an autistic kid. so i have to put on a persona for them, i have to be their "fool" to appease them rather than just getting to be my authentic, autistic self like i can be around my friends

consequences - lovejoy: going back to the earlier not-quite-regret-but-definitely-Something feeling of knowing that someday friendships and relationships will almost certainly be doomed. this sing encapsulates that for me a lot

car lights - james marriott: the queer anthem of all time. m+d have always said that they "don't care" who i bring home but whenever they talk about me having a future they talk about a husband, or a potential father of my children (which idek if i want) even though i've had relationships with women. it again feels part of something i have to hide from them

soft - motionless in white: a new contender thanks to kai and acey. i've always been the "wholesome" one, i've never really felt rage specifically, or had an outlet for it, but being a lifelong people pleaser and having something to inspire me to work on giving less of a shit what other people are thinking/saying about me has been a game changer for the ol self-esteem

undertale - toby fox: i can't explain this one. it just makes me cry every time i listen to it. like, weep actual tears. every time.

If you could go anywhere where would you go: i've always wanted to go to japan, but i also don't like going to countries where english is not a first language without having a basic understanding of the mother tongue of that country and japanese is fuckin difficult to learn. i've also always wanted to go to australia, even before anyone in particular came into my life tyvm

What is your hobby: fanfic writing, gif making, video game playing. procrastinating is a hobby at this point, lol. i like to try craft things, but i'm not very good at keeping up with them

Any tv shows you watching: i'm rewatching stranger things bc gifmaking has ruined my perception of the actual timeline of events. i'm actively watching the afterparty s2 and only murders in the building s3. it's not really a tv show, but i watch it on my tv, dimension 20's current campaign, mentopolis, is also something i'm actively keeping up with, on top of all actively releasing dropout content

What movie did you last watch: the last movies i put on were the mamma mia films, as background while i wrote, and ever since i've been slowly cooking a mamma mia stranger things au bc i'm basically incapable of consuming any media without relating it to stranger things at this point. i can relate each of the 3 canon characters to eddie, steve and jonathan, but i can't shake the idea that like. what if argyle was one of the potential dads. it wouldn't be a direct parody bc he's so different from any other character in the mamma mia franchise but i think it would be so fun to include him, too

Last thing you read(book, fanfic, etc): i'm reading rebel robin, atm, bc idk why i never really thought to indulge in the stranger things books before now? i used to read doctor who books so it's not like i'm a stranger to consuming media outside of its original format. i'm also currently reading through @pearlypairings' photocheer fic there is a light that never goes out!

Last text message you got: HAHAHA this one's funny. my sister's getting married next month and she's asking if we've all paid for our parts, I told her I'd paid it and her fiance told me they'd receievd it (he's an accountant so he's dealing with the money side of things) but my sister couldn't spot anything from me even though i told her what her fiance had told me, so my last text from her is "unless he's financially gaslighting me, or he's tucked it away in his fuck-off fund" (which i should establish is a joke bc he is 1000% not like that in the slightest)

Last text message you sent: sending to my sister, above: "or he's gaslighting me into believing i've sent it when it didn't go through, classic Dishonest [fiance name redacted]!" (again, all a joke)

Any pets: none atm :( i still live with my parents who have never wanted any of us to have pets, but now that my older sister has her dog, jasper, my family are obsessed with him. i mean, they have a photo of him in our living room that's bigger than any photo of any of us kids

#tag game #? even though i wasn't tagged or i'm not tagging anyone lol #about me

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whoiwanttoday · 2 years

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I am posting Charli XCX today because today is my day so it's all about me. Which is a silly thing to say because this blog is always about me. It's not called who someone other than me wants to fuck today. Not that there isn't some overlap with other people, I am sure someone out there has seen my post and said, "Wait... but that's who I want to fuck today". That isn't actually because the blog is about them though, it's just a coincidence. So the blog is always about me, you can tell because very entry is always in danger of spinning out of control as I go off on some story about how one time my friend and I came up with this killer plan for me to go to his house and play video games after we went ice skating. The plan would be when they drop me off and I would lock myself out of my house so there would be no way in and his mom would have to do it. The problem was I did that and it turned out my mom was home already. I got in a lot of trouble for that one. Anyway, we're getting pretty far afield of the fact that I am posting Charli XCX because it's my birthday and that's what I want to do for my birthday. I mean, there are lots of things I want to do but this is one I have control over. I'd also like to call in sick and while technically I could my sense of responsibility prevents me from doing so. I'm a lot like Spider-man in that way. I never, ever feel good about pretending to be sick, my brain immediately imagines some poor coworker who is sick and isn't allowed to go home because I called in and has to like... mine salt or something? I don't know, it's very dramatic, there are no salt mines at my job or really anything resembling hard physical labor but my coworker maybe having to fill out a form or something doesn't really make me feel guilty in the right way. So, back to the point, I quite like Charli XCX, she is the most posted person on this blog by a pretty big gap. Wasn't the plan, just happened that way. I'd like to claim this is because I have better taste and always have and since it's my birthday I will. I have seen so many waves of her fandom and I hate gate keeping, it's gross and nasty and to me the beauty of music is there is always more of it. If you just discovered the Beatles that seems sort of great, you have a whole adventure in front of you, I can't imagine wanting someone to feel bad about that. There is too much music for anyone to have heard it all and a lot of it is very evergreen in the sense that unlike a TV show, you don't really need people to talk to about it. You can just dig it. That said, I have posted her the most cause I have been a big fan since she was some obscure "Who is that" and got no notes on my blog. I actually got True Romance in a clearance bin for like $10 just a couple weeks after it came out and was thrilled cause I thought I was going to have to order it online. I bring that up because someone offered me $300 for my copy online recently. And $500 for the #1 Angel and Pop 2 record. I am not doing this to brag, just to point out that I was there when. I wouldn't sell them. One I want the records, second I would feel really bad charging someone that much. They must be a big fan to be willing to spend that but I would tell them just wait, everything gets rereleased some day at this point, give it time. Anyway, that was a weird tangent and I can't remember why I got on it other than I guess to prove that I am being sincere when I say this is my choice today? I don't know, I got distracted by a text and have completely lost any thread I had here. Today I want to fuck Charli XCX.

#Charli XCX #brunette #Singer #whoiwanttofucktoday

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siilverwiitch · 3 months

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Chapter 5: Quintus (Fifth)

Fandom: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs

Relationships: Edogawa Ranpo/Edgar Allan Poe

Characters: Edogawa Ranpo, Edgar Allan Poe, Karl

Language: English

Words: 1,193

AO3 Link

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Having found more evidence to incriminate the suspect, Edgar sought out a moment to speak with Ranpo.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Ranpo asked as they found a quiet corner.

“Why didn’t you just use your ability?” Edgar queried, curiosity etched on his features.

“Because, Ed, my ability doesn’t always give me all the answers. I had narrowed it down to the five suspects we were investigating. Unfortunately, there are limits to what my ability can do. Once we confirmed the suspect, I was able to use ‘Ultra Deduction’ to fill in the rest of the gaps,” Ranpo explained.

Edgar considered his words carefully before nodding in understanding. “That makes sense. I guess I was just surprised that something like this could cause a snag in your ability.”

“Don’t worry too much about it. It still surprises me whenever it occurs. It’s frustrating, to the point where I feel useless and like I’ve lost my purpose,” Ranpo admitted, his voice tinged with vulnerability. He glanced at Edgar, hoping his confession wouldn’t affect their relationship.

Watching Ranpo’s face contort with concern, Edgar noticed his brows furrow, almost as if he were having a full conversation in his head.

“I hope you realise this changes nothing about our relationship, and certainly not the way I feel about you,” Edgar reassured, reaching out to grasp Ranpo’s arm gently. “Despite how impressed and in awe of your ability I am—or may have been—it is not the reason I pursued a relationship with you.”

After a tense moment, Ranpo finally looked up from the floor, revealing those wonderful green eyes that Edgar adored so much.

“Please tell me what made you do all this, what made you want to be here with me?” Ranpo asked softly.

“Because six years ago, I met this world-famous detective who had unwavering confidence and a mind as sharp as a whip. This detective stayed in my brain even before I fully realised my feelings for them. Your ability does not define you as a person, my dear Ranpo. Your mind and heart are what make you the person I admire and adore. It also makes you the person I would happily spend the rest of my life with,” Edgar replied sincerely.

Ranpo’s only response was to pull Edgar in close, resting his head over Edgar’s heart, listening to its steady beat.

“I love you, Ranpo. Please never forget that,” Edgar whispered, holding him tightly.

After a while, they heard someone clear their throat from behind Edgar. Before he could turn to face them, Ranpo spoke up with his face still buried in Edgar’s shirt.

“How can we help, President?”

“You are not required immediately, but I will be taking this opportunity to ask Poe some questions, if this is an appropriate time?” the President replied.

“Of course,” Edgar said, repositioning himself to face the President, with Ranpo grumbling slightly during the move.

“Although, I hope it's okay that Ranpo is here, as I’m not sure I’d have the heart to remove him,” Edgar added, fondly looking down at Ranpo.

The President smiled softly. “What are your intentions with Ranpo?”

“Intentions?” Edgar felt his face flush slightly. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“I’m asking how far you are willing to take your relationship. You are intending to go back to America, are you not?” the President continued, his tone serious.

“I don’t see why you have to ask these questions. I’m not a kid anymore,” Ranpo muttered. “Besides, of course, Ed is going back to America, so dumb question, boss.”

Clearing his throat, Edgar decided it was time to mention an idea he had been considering since being with Ranpo.

“Well, that was the original plan,” Edgar began slowly.

“The original plan? What’s the new plan?” Ranpo asked, curiosity piqued.

“When I knew I was coming to Yokohama, I began researching the legality and legislation of buying somewhere a bit more permanent,” Edgar explained, meeting the President's gaze directly. “Turns out, it’s not so hard for foreigners to purchase property in Japan.”

“And now you have a permanent residence here?” The President’s eyes hardened slightly, concern evident for Ranpo.

“I intend to stay—if Ranpo agrees. I want a relationship with Ranpo, one that doesn’t end up being long-distance,” Edgar declared, hoping his sincerity would convey his commitment.

After Edgar’s explanation, he finally looked down to see Ranpo’s surprised expression. However, the peaceful moment was abruptly interrupted as Ranpo grabbed Edgar’s collar and pulled him down.

“And when were you intending to tell me, Poe-kun? Huh? I was waiting for you to tell me I only had a week left with you! I thought I was going to have to say goodbye and cope without you being close!” Ranpo exclaimed passionately.

After his outburst, Ranpo kissed Edgar fervently, catching him off guard. As they embraced, Edgar noticed the President quietly leaving the room. Despite realising he should have spoken up sooner, Edgar allowed himself to relax into Ranpo’s embrace, returning his affection without hesitation.

As their kiss deepened, Edgar wrapped his arms around Ranpo, savouring the warmth and familiarity of his touch. Ranpo's passion and vulnerability shone through in every gesture, reassuring Edgar that their bond was stronger than any temporary separation could challenge.

When they finally pulled apart, their foreheads rested against each other, breaths mingling in the quiet intimacy of the moment. Edgar smiled softly, brushing his thumb against Ranpo's cheek.

"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, my dear Ranpo. I didn't want to worry you," Edgar murmured, his voice filled with sincerity.

Ranpo's expression softened, a mix of emotions flickering in his eyes—relief, love, and a hint of playful annoyance. "You're such a fool sometimes, Poe-kun," he teased gently, but his tone carried immense affection.

"I promise to be more transparent with you from now on," Edgar replied earnestly. "I want us to build a life together, here in Yokohama. If you'll have me."

Ranpo's smile widened, and he placed a tender kiss on Edgar's lips. "I'd have you in a heartbeat, Poe-kun. I want that too," he whispered.

Feeling a surge of joy and relief, Edgar hugged Ranpo tightly once more, feeling as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. They stood there, in each other's arms, knowing that their future was now a shared one—filled with adventures, mysteries, and above all, their unwavering love for each other.

After a while, they heard a gentle cough from the doorway. It was the president, looking at them with a knowing smile.

"I apologise for interrupting," the president said, his voice soft yet firm. "But I'm glad to see you two are on the same page."

Edgar nodded, a sense of gratitude washing over him. "Thank you, President."

Ranpo chuckled, pulling Edgar closer. "Yeah, thanks boss."

The president's smile widened. "Well then, let's discuss the details of your new residence and what this means for your involvement with the agency."

As they moved to sit down and continue their conversation, Edgar couldn't help but steal glances at Ranpo, his heart brimming with happiness and anticipation for the future they would now build together, side by side.

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd ranpo #bsd fanfic #bsd rampo #bsd poe #bsd edgar allan poe #bsd edogawa rampo #ranpoe

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thecomicsnexus · 9 months

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LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES #46-50

May/September 1988

By Paul Levitz, Keith Giffen Greg LaRocque, Pat Broderick, Mike DeCarlo, Carl Gafford, John Costanza, Ken Steacy.

Chameleon Boy investigates the return of Starfinger, while the rest of the Legion uncovers a secret conspiracy within the Legion (that is totally not as nefarious as it sounds).

SCORE: 8

Growing up, I had some of these issues, and then I got to fill up the gaps. However, I never read issue 50 until now... and it makes sense, as the story I was reading up to that issue, simply doesn't continue (maybe in an annual, that I did have, so that explains why I never felt like I was missing something).

I was super engaged into the Starfinger drama, so the return of Rond Vidar and the plans to take on the Time Trapper completely caught me unprepared.

Also, I think Levitz loves drama whether it makes sense or not. In this case, I don't think it was worth keeping it a secret. Although, the method to execute the plan, once it was known to everybody, was quite polarizing.

Many things happen in this arc. The return of a Green Lantern (who they didn't know was a green lantern), the death of one of the duo damsels, and allegedly, the death of the time trapper. To be fair, I am not even sure how they knew he died. It wasn't that clear to me.

Another big change here is the return of Giffen as an artist (and I am assuming, co-plotter). This is not the totally bizarre Giffen, but the more restrained version of himself. In the page above, you can even see some Curt Swan inspired panels.

Unfortunately, this book continues to bring up references to its many decades of history that not even the Crisis could simplify. And as a result, if you started reading the book on issue #46, there is no way for you to know what's going on (and back then, there was no fandom wiki).

Well, I guess comic book readers back then talked to each other a lot. I understand there was a niche for this kind of impenetrable storytelling.

Greg LaRocque had to leave the book to take over The Flash (where he will work on some of the most iconic Wally West stories this side of Mark Waid).

Now... will I see the conclusion of the Starfinger saga any time soon?

#comics #review #dc comics #modern age #legion of super-heroes #1988 #ken steacy

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residentdormouse · 2 years

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For the Winter Writblr Asks: 🧤Gloves & 🌟Night Sky

Thank you for the Ask!!

🧤Gloves: share a snippet you’re particularly proud of!

I just went over an old chapter from Something Like A Spiral recently, so I'll post a bit of it now:

Hayden woke to a rustling noise next to her, followed by a howl off to her left side. No thoughts of adorable scavenging trash bandits this time. This time she woke with clear immediate danger.

She sat up in her sleeping bag and did a quick scan of the area. The night was clear, however, there was only a sliver of the moon lighting the sky. The camp setup was visible to her while remaining shielded by foliage on three sides. By design, she put her spot furthest to the edge, which made it easy for her to confirm Stu, Fran, and Harold were all still asleep in their respective spots. Glen's spot was empty, but he was quickly accounted for, sitting with his back to her at the fire. Smoke drifted upwards around him, whether from fire or vape she couldn’t tell, and Kojak was happily curled up by his side. Both seemed oblivious to any type of imminent threat.

She began to think it was nothing until another howl echoed through the night. Closer this time. When she turned to the sound, a pair of gleaming red eyes in the distance caught her attention. The paralysis was immediate, frozen in her spot until the sound of a twig snapped off to her right. Another set of red eyes. Another low growl coming from their direction. After a quick scan, she counted an additional four sets of eyes appearing at different points on the horizon.

Scrambling out of her bag, she clutched at the knife in her pocket. Slowly, she cautiously moved closer to the group, until another sound stopped her in her tracks once more. A chuckle this time, laced with sinister tones. Carrying more dread than the surrounding snarls.

"You have nothing to fear from them." A man in a full denim outfit walked out from the treeline. For a second, his eyes flashed the same red glint as the surrounding animals, but it was gone as soon as she noticed it. "Well, at least not right now."

"Who are you?" She had to fight the words to come out, and was thankful that her voice didn’t crack as she spoke.

His smile came naturally, but instead of reassurance, it had a presence that could curdle milk. "Name's Randall Flagg. Just came for a friendly chat."

🌟Night Sky: what are your writing goals for 2023? Or: how did you feel about your writing in 2022?

Honestly - I have no damn idea 😅. I just started posting fanfic to AO3 on 11/2021. I'm not sure how much was posted in the last two months, but I just hit 250k words recently. I highly doubt there's any way I'm writing that much again...

I plan to wrap up Diving here in the next month or two. I only started writing because there was nothing in the stand section with a primary focus on Glen. So now I have one heavily canon tied fic, and one completely AU fic. Aside from one shots filling in the time gap, not sure where, if anywhere, that story leads. And I have yet to get hit with any other hyperfix.

So I guess everybody will find out when I do 😂. I do know that I like writing though, and I plan to continue in whatever fandom takes hold next (if I ever stop writing for this one).

#thank you for the ask!!#i dont know what im doing here #but at least im having fun

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thecontumacious · 2 years

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halloooo sandrine~! it's me cookie anon ✨

oh wait, is it alright if i call you by your name? :0

anyway,, i kinda have an idea (a bit sad at the start but it has a happy resolution).

• you can totally skip this if you don't feel like doing it •

i was thinking if it'd be alright to request for shu this time because i learned that he was supposed to be part of the offline collab but wasn't able to due to conflicting schedules... ; - ;

so like, what if since he wasn't able to meet up with nijimilo...y/n surprises him with an offline collab of their own instead so he won't feel sad/lonely/left out ; w ;

no sad shubert, only happi shubert bc shu deserves all the happiness in the world ♡

(aka: cookie anon shu brainrot hours lmao)

thank you as always o7

- cookie anon 🍪✨

(Not) Alone

pairing: Shu Yamino x Streamer!GN!reader a/n: yes u may call me sandrine hehe ALSO FIRST TIME I READ THIS I JUST KNEW THIS AWE MAN POOR SHU :( i hope he can finally have some time to go to an offcollab with everyone as luxiem! while we wait for that, here's something to fill in that gap ;)

warning ahead: this is 4.3k words just so you know that this is not a quick read ^^

reminder that all my work and others in the fandom are purely fiction and intended to entertain, not to be projected irl.

Shu Yamino [NIJISANJI EN]: sorry guys i can't come this time, schedules and all that :/ Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: aweee that sucks a lot Mysta Rias [NIJISANJI EN]: NOOO BROTHER Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: luca can't come and shu too? Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: ahhh that's such a shame Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: i'm sorry to hear that you guys:(

and you knew from how shu had been talking to you privately how excited he was to see if he could fit himself between his schedules to meet up with everyone as nina had planned

you of course couldn't come just yet, but with shu being part of luxiem, it was really crucial that he came

the moment he came for his daily discord call with you that day, you can tell from his deflated voice that he was so disappointed

you sigh, leaning a bit closer to the mic, "it's okay, shu. next time, alright? there will definitely be a time where you can finally go. all as one team as luxiem!"

he chuckles, but the joy supposedly associated with the gesture was very faint. seemed like the sorcerer wasn't in his right spirits.

"i hope so. i was really looking forward to it too," shu mumbles

"hey come on, don't be so down. if you're so down, everyone else will be too. look at the bright side, shu! the longer they wait, the more exciting it'll become when you actually do come, right?" you attempt, however once more, that comes fruitless

shu sighs in response. "i guess so, and thank you, y/n, for trying to cheer me up. but i think i just... i need some time. that okay with you?"

hearing his breaking heart made your own shatter to pieces. shu was such a kind and talented person, there's nothing in this world he didn't deserve

at least that's what your biased heart would say

you nod, "mhm, totally fine. you go get some rest and try to take your mind off of it, alright?"

shu bids you goodbye for the day and you're left to your own devices, forced to get back to work and get some stream related things done

continuation utc!

it's pretty obvious how you and shu met

being under the same v-tuber brand, it was easy to meet up with yamino and because of your job, you guys met up often and there was no shortage of you collabing together on each other's channels

the fandom adores you two so much and luxiem loved your company, so it was as if written by fate that you two would connect

initially, you thought shu yamino was pretty cool. and he is!

but then it wasn't just a first impression thing. it was for all the impressions after.

he was humorous, intelligent and witty, absolutely kind and there are times where you just feel like putting your hands on the screen to pinch his cheeks from how cute he is

especially the times where he gets flustered or teased by the chat

did i mention you're the only one who lets you call him nerd without getting mad?

chat usually (jokingly) attacks you for getting that kind of privilege, but it becomes fuel to their fire of adoring you two

"it's just a crush. he's a coworker," you told yourself, catching yourself daydreaming about shu the nth time that week.

but again, like how the stars had scribbled it for you on the pages of your fate, they don't plan on letting you just to have a crush on the sorcerer

as times passes by, more frequent calls, more collabs, you can't help but just ache when shu excuses himself for the day, wishing you goodbye

though most times you dismiss him after that, you'd be lying if you said you wish you could stop him from disconnecting

when days were bad, you find yourself calling out to shu and it doesn't help that he immediately comes to your side without fail

shu became a safe space for you, one you didn't dare let go

a working wifi connection and a device was literally the only way to keep you interacting with shu

would anything change if you were physically there with shu...?

you hoped it would

what would it be like to hold his hand? did he have soft hands or more calloused? probably the former...

you slap yourself on the head, "stop it, y/n. he's your friend and co worker. how could you think like this?"

lady fate says otherwise as she keeps bringing you and shu together.

and today, she's just done it as nina went to private message you.

Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: hey y/n! Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: hey ninaa what's up? Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: i couldn't help but think Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: what if you and shu did an offcollab together? like just you two?

you wished you could kiss nina for that brilliant idea

Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: i thought it was pretty unfair that shu couldn't come and since you and shu are pretty close, i thought i'd pitch that idea in with you if you aren't too bothered by it Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: NINA LEMME KISS YOU THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA! Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: i have a bit of work left to do but once that's done, i can probably schedule a bit of time with shu!! Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: oh that's great!! i'm so glad to hear that >w<

you smile upon the thought of meeting up with shu yamino in real life. a dream wasn't it? you imagine all the things you could do with him

probably a lot of streaming together obviously, trying new things, showing each other what they have in your local regions

but then you had a thought

shu was incredibly sad after he said goodbye to you today

what if

you met up with him as a surprise?

you go back onto discord, texting nina

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: ninaur Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: what's up honey Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: do u think management has shu's address? Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: i think so yeah, why? why not just ask him? Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: i plan to make it a surprise actually Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: OMG OMG OMG THATS SUCH A GOOD IDEA Y/NNNNN GO FOR IT MANAGEMENT HAS IT I THINK GOGOGO ASK

with nina's support, you immediately go contact management and indeed they did have his address. after hearing your request and reason behind it, they are more than happy to give it you and even wished you good luck

after that, you decided to pretty much speedrun your work while planning up your trip to see shu

book tickets, plan stream schedules, accommodation...

it sounds stressful, but to you, all that is shrouded under the idea of meeting up with shu

thinking that it was good idea to consult to his friends within luxiem first, you went to vox for advice

"hello?" he calls out from the other line

you smile, "hey, vox! sorry, do you have time? i have something to talk about with you."

"oh yeah, i'm free. what's up?"

you tell him of your plans and nina's initial involvement, laying out what your basic idea of what you'd been doing

"holy shit, that's such a good idea. and i could definitely tell shu was genuinely super upset he couldn't come with us this time," he agrees. "i'm sure he'd be really happy to see you, y/n. and are you sure you're here to just cheer him up?"

you could hear the mischief in his voice then and you turn a thousand shades red at what he's insinuating

to be exact, vox actually knew that you were emotionally attached to shu. from the way you behave around him, the way you talk to him, the way you treat him

the demon can definitely see that you have some sort of admiration towards the sorcerer

"oh hush, vox. i just want him to cheer up. when i talked to him today on call, he was so so sad. i couldn't bare to see him like that."

and that was true, this applied to vox as well

"you know, i've never seen anyone care so much about shu. of course, we all care about him, but yours is different, y/n. you know that right?" vox points out

you stay quiet, absorbing his words

perhaps he was correct and maybe it was time to admit so

"maybe. i just... want shu to be happy. i sound selfish but if i could do something about it, i would."

vox chuckles softly, "of course you would. and thank you, for continuing to care and worry about him for us in luxiem. also, y/n, would you consider maybe... confessing to him about this?"

huh??

"vox, no! i could never. he probably doesn't feel the same. he doesn't right?"

now you were just denying your heart's own wishes. of course you hoped shu would feel the same, but something else told you that he probably didn't.

and that maybe it was safer to stay quiet about things

you couldn't take such a risk with shu, one of your closest friends

vox hums, "not exactly my place to tell, love, but i have an inkling that it might be mutual."

"stop joking around, you sadist."

he laughs, "i'm a sadist yes, but no, i'm not joking. i seriously think he might have the same feelings. from the times i watched you and shu stream together, there's something so different about him. like, he... laughs more? he looks so much more like himself when he's around you. and i'm 400 years old so i have valid experience with this."

you roll your eyes, "why thank you, milord. anyway, it's still safer for me to say nothing about it."

vox sighs, "alright fine. but consider to do it one day, okay? you guys have been super close for a long time. i thought this one time you get to see him in person would be a good time to do it."

you see his point, you really do. and you would consider confessing to shu about how you feel if only it weren't because of your damned self esteem

days go by and shu has already started to get back up on his feet. the mention of not going to the offcollab tasted bitter on his tongue but he learned how to cope with it

you on the other hand couldn't wait to board that plane and drive up to his house, surprising him for an offcollab together like what he would've had with the luxiem boys and nina

"you know what, y/n? you seem to be in a very excited mood lately. has something happened that i didn't know of, huh?" shu asks you one day, feigning offense like you have been purposely neglecting to tell him something important

you merely giggle, the surprise hidden beneath your tongue, "you're overthinking things, shu. nothing much has happened. i've just been feeling super happy lately is all."

his momentary silence speaks to you in a way you catch that he's not sure to accept your answer

"okay, i'm glad for that..."

you laugh away at his comment, changing the subject quickly to avoid exposing yourself

and that's it!

today's the day you finally get to see shu!

with the rest of the luxiem boys informed of the wonderful surprise (and vox's never ending teases and encouragement), they send you all their support and you're off to see the sorcerer

you'd caught wind beforehand that today shu would be streaming by the time you got to his house, so you planned to show up at the end of his stream

the entire journey there, your stomach was doing flips and you simply couldn't take off the grin on your face

after reaching land, you catch a cab real quick and make yourself over to shu's address. you check your phone and shu is indeed still streaming, nearing the end of his two hour mark.

it felt as though every step you took was lighter, your heart also beat a lot faster the closer you got

phone in hand, you text shu

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: yo shu, u still streaming? Shu Yamino [NIJISANJI EN]: yeah just about to end Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: good! Shu Yamino [NIJISANJI EN]: um okay???? why????

but you purposely don't answer him, leaving him confused and even on stream the last you checked it. it left you giggling and when you reach the destination the driver informed you of, you get off quickly

you then ring the doorbell

from the inside of the house, you don't really hear anyone. but after a few minutes, you hear some shuffling and rushed steps towards the door

just like the fast pace of their footsteps, your heart too thumps just as rapidly

there are a few clicks sounding from the door then it swings open

you see pale skin, dark hair adorned with its trademark yellow highlight at the top of his head

and then his purple eyes

you thought they were pretty online, never thought they were mesmerizing in real life though

"y-y/n?????" is the first thing shu says, seeing who it is at the door who dare disturb him during his work. his pointy mouth drops open and for a full minute he doesn't believe what his eyes are perceiving

you wave with the biggest grin on your face, "are you gonna say something, shu?"

he shakes his head out of his trance and without much to say, he lunges forward and squeezes you with all his might

you laugh out loud and hug him back, you were about to let him go when you realize that shu isn't letting go just yet

he keeps holding you and there was not a single opening where he was going to ease the pressure of his embrace

but you weren't complaining either

it was a full few minutes before you feel shu shift, "sorry, i was just... super happy you're here. you of all people."

wh-what did he mean by that?

you giggle nervously, patting his back, "i'm glad. i thought you were so upset you couldn't join the boys for the offcollab so, here i am. actually no, nina came up with idea. i couldn't leave you to be alone, could i?"

shu pulls away and gives you a smile you've never seen on him. or was it because you had never seen him smile in real life...?

whatever it was, the look in his eyes was just so gentle. like you were touching the soft fur of an animal. it brings you warmth. and safety.

"all that matters is that you're here now. thank you for making the time to come," his hold on you lingers, like he was reluctantly letting you go (or you wished it to be). shu gestures towards the inside of his house, "come in! i'll get you a drink. your trip was probably exhausting. you can sit on the sofa."

you nod and make yourself comfortable while shu sees to your beverage done

wow

shu yamino in the flesh

his warm hug from earlier left a pleasant burn on you. you wanted to feel it all over again

later, shu comes in with two glasses of iced water. he places one near you and the other near where he sits.

"man, it's so, so good to see you! you're shorter in real life," he grins

you slap his arm, "oh shut up. i'm not that different."

"hmm, nah."

"shu yamino! is this how you welcome a coworker who's gone overseas for you?"

he shakes his head while laughing, "that was your choice, y/n!"

the teasing aside, you were genuinely having a lovely time with shu around, the unnecessary butterflies flapping about in your stomach. but you didn't mind it this time.

you just had to make sure you'd never feel like this around shu, for his sake. even despite vox's encouragement.

...maybe

"look, i haven't set up next week's schedule yet but i kinda wanna plan our offcollabs together now. you okay with that?" the sorcerer grins, looking at you expectantly. you giggle as you nod. he smiles, "cool! so, where are you staying? a hotel?"

"yeah, it's not too far from here. actually, i should probably go check in--"

as you stood to grab your phone, shu suddenly grabs your wrist. your heart stops for the faintest second

almost as if not realizing what he had just done, he slowly lets go of your hand and looks away.

"sh-shu?" you call out

he clears his throat and offers you a courteous beam, "so-sorry! it's just that um... i thought you could just stay here in the guest room. hotels can be pricey, you know?"

he-

you internally inhale, looking away as your ears turn red.

why did he have to be so kind?

"we-well, i can just cancel my booking then, if you don't mind me staying here."

shu shakes his head rapidly. "no, of course not! i offered after all."

way, way too kind. no, wait he's just being polite... right?

after settling in, your stuff already organized and with shu loyally by your side to make sure you have everything ready. he asked if you needed more towels, any extra chargers, toothbrushes and the like...

your heart simply couldn't take it when he continued to fuss if you had everything you needed

"shu, i'm good. i promise. i properly packed my things," you touch shu's shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile in hopes he could finally calm down

he laughs, rubbing a spot at the back of his head, embarrassed. "sorry, it's just that it's been a while since i had someone over to stay. and it's you no less."

every time he said that like you were some special vip coming to his house made you feel like one, as much as your little crush on him said.

the first night at shu's house was mostly just staying in. with shu even cooking dinner for you

you never figured he was a decent cook, mentioning once that his go-to meal was instant noodles

that night, he also invited you to play together for the first time

sure, you two played a lot online but it's always different when you play games together in real life. as shu's eyes focus on the screen with much intensity, you couldn't help but giggle to yourself, catching his attention immediately

he raises an eyebrow at you, "hm? what's up with you?"

you pause, closing your mouth with your hands. it doesn't help that your face is bright red

well, shu just caught you giggling to yourself looking at him. why wouldn't you?

"no-nothing! just thought of something funny is all," you lie through your teeth. but knowing shu, he probably saw right through you

he stares at you head on and you start to feel antsy

"shu...?"

now it's his turn to change red?

stop beating so fast, heart.

for a full minute, you and shu swapped no words with each other, broken only by an incoming discord message from your phone

you look down and see it's from vox

Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: hey love how's it going with shu? met up with him okay?

you gulp, stealing a glance at the still red shu before deciding to message vox back

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: yeah! he let me crash at his guest room instead of a hotel Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: oh he did, did he? i see:) Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: shut up vox he's in the same room as me rn Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: OH HE IS, IS HE? Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: y/n my dear do u kno how proud i am of you for progressing so far? Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: VOX U BETTER SHUT UP BEFORE I BLOCK U Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: hey now no need to play dirty with your long time buddy vox eh? anyway Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: have you finally considered actually confessing to him soon?

you blink and bite your lip.

the idea was scary, intimidating. all for the right reasons.

shu was your closest friend and one you wouldn't want to lose all because of your silly little crush on him.

okay not little but still

then again, if he was a good friend, he'd just gently reject you and still be friends anyway right? there was no way shu would slowly distance himself from you because of all that

"y/n?" the said man calls out to you, finally breaking the terribly uncomfortable silence. you hum, looking up at him. "you sort of just... zoned out there. you good?"

remembering again that you were still there with shu, you shake your head and slowly stood

"i'm alright, i promise," you reassure him, holding your phone to your stomach. "i'll be back in a minute okay? i gotta respond to this real quick."

without rly waiting for his response, you rush out of the room and into the far end of the hallway

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: sorry i needed to get out of the room for a sec Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: and here i thought u actually confessed Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: vox istg Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: u kno what nvm serious talk Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: what would happen if he rejects me? Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: hmmm idk for sure but y/n i feel like he's gonna accept you. he probably has a crush on you too you know Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: like i said a few weeks back, i see the signs on him Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: just answer the question will you? i just wanna be sure Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: alright finee Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: in my opinion shu wouldn't be the type to suddenly not be friends with you anymore Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: he's a pretty chill guy and would never want to hurt anyone, especially you Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: you rly think so? Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: yep that's what i think

so, maybe... maybe it was actually okay to confess to him soon?

in the end, you were only afraid that you'd lose shu as a friend if things went awry

knowing that he'd still be there for you like before even after the confession made it seem less daunting

if only by a bit

you sigh, your head starting to feel heavy

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: alright fine i'll think about it Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: for real?? Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: yeah just not today Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: okay if u say so love, take it easy Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: i believe in you and shu Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: thanks vox that means a lot

and you really did think about it for the next few days

when you went to bed the first night, your hands were sweaty at the thought of confessing to shu about how you feel

in the morning, your head pounded because of the lack of sleep but it soon washed away when you saw shu with a slight bedhead and only in his pajamas

it made you smile and your teeth rotten at the sweet sight

but this reminds you of what vox told you last night, thus now your head is filled with nothing but that

the first few streams went successful too! the yaminions and your own fandom were thrilled to see you having an offcollab as the other luxiem members had their own

to the chat, it seemed not too different from how you and shu would collab online

but to you?

you wished it could be like this for as long as the world let you

his smile, his jokes, his voice, the way sometimes his hand would brush against yours, the way he taught you patiently about a game you could not get the hang of

geez

it all toppled over inside you, your feelings

until you simply couldn't handle it anymore

shu noticed this unfortunately, touching your shoulder to catch your attention as you two sit casually to rest after a stream

you turn to him. "yeah?"

"you seem to be distracted lately. are you actually okay?" his brows furrow with concern and the beating of your heart quickens more than usual

it felt like vox's words were tugging at you, urging you to tell shu how much you wish you could be more than friends, how you wish you could protect his smile and be the selfish reason you make him so happy

if shu wasn't here, it would honestly make you cry at the reality those were not real

you take a long deep breath in and take shu's hand off your shoulder, your fingers enjoying the momentary smooth skin of shu (a quality of his you had discovered yesterday) before placing it down on his lap.

you smile and began, "shu, i have to tell you something."

sensing this was no joke, shu put away his phone and properly faced you.

he returns your smile, nodding at you expectantly

"okay," you whisper to yourself. then you look him in the eye, "shu yamino. i... i've been crushing on you for a long time."

then the smile on the sorcerer falters

confidence -1

but you decide to pull through. "si-since a few months after we met. i thought it was just admiration. i tried to control it because you were a coworker. but i just couldn't. i kept falling and it wasn't until a couple weeks before i left to come here that vox encouraged me to confess."

shu still wasn't saying anything.

confidence -5

"on the first night staying here, vox actually texted me about it. that's when i thought, 'fine, i'll do it.' so... yeah, here i am," you squeeze your eyes shut for a bit, then open them back while hoping that shu was finally going to say something

but still, much to your heart's dismay, his lips are sealed shut

honestly, you didn't know what else to say either

sh-should you just give him time to find an answer?

you gulp, reaching out to shu, "hey--"

"sorry."

you pause

"i-i don't think i feel the same."

part 2 here!

Masterlist!

#author chan’s delivery service 🧺#nijisanji en #luxiem #luxiem x reader #shu yamino #shu yamino x reader #yaminoart #shu yamino fluff #shu yamino imagines #author chan’s delivery service ?

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buckybarnesowl · 3 years

Text

Confess

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: You and Bucky have been inseparable since first year. Will you both finally confess your feelings, or are you doomed to a life of eternal pining?

The order: Entrée (appetizer): “It’s not as bad as it looks” Plat Principal (main course): “Les étudiants" - College AU Garniture (sides): Idiots in love Déssert (dessert): “Sucré/Piquante” - Hurt/comfort

Word count: 2.3k (clearly not a drabble lol)

Warnings: a first kiss, but no full-on smut

A/n: My first request for my 400 follower celebration is for the sweet and wonderful @outer-spacious! Ariel, this was SO fun to write. Though I’m sorry it ended up more caretaking than hurt/comfort (I guess it could be read as physical hurt/comfort?). Anyways It’s really just about pining idiots in love. I hope I did your request justice. You are amazing and I’m so grateful to have you as a mutual in this wild and crazy fandom. Love you!

PS: I kept it gender neutral since pronouns didn’t even come up for reader until the end. Hope that’s ok!

“This semester is going to kill me,” you groaned quietly, flopping your head down into your arms that were resting on the study table.

“C’mon, you’re basically at the top of the class,” Bucky rolled his eyes with a chuckle.

“First off, that’s not true, since you’re at the top.” You retorted, raising your head to point a finger towards your brunette study partner. “And second, not all of us have an education fund that our amazing parents set aside for us. Some of us have to keep our grades up to maintain funding in order to be here,” you punctuated with your signature sass.

“Fuck, Y/n, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” Bucky’s ears turned dark crimson and his gaze shot down to the textbook in front of him.

“Aw, Buck, I was just giving you a hard time,” you assured sweetly. “You know I love your parents, and you don’t have to feel bad about them helping you.”

“I know. But I should be more considerate of you… of anyone, really.”

Despite the low volume he spoke with, his soft, shy voice filled the study room you had booked for the two of you. The velvety sound always awoke a fluttering in your stomach.

“You are considerate.”

His face lost all sign of worry when he looked up to meet your smiling gaze, making him clear his throat before he could continue.

“Whadya say we take a dinner break and then head back to my dorm. Sam and Steve have already gone home for the semester so it’ll be quiet.”

“I’d say that’s the best idea you’ve had all week,” you grinned.

“Great, it’s a date then.”

Both of you froze at that last word, though too caught up in your own nerves to notice each other’s reaction.

You and Bucky met in your first class of your first semester. You had both been painfully early that day, eager first years ensuring you gave yourselves plenty of time to find your way around campus. You bonded over your quirky need for always knowing where you were going before you left. Then you found out you were enrolled in nearly all of the same classes. From that semester on, you planned your course schedules together.

Now in your last semester of your third year, you and Bucky had developed an incredibly close relationship. When you needed to do group projects, it was you and Bucky. Studying for an exam? You and Bucky. He even started inviting you to his family’s holiday dinners. Since your parents lived on the other side of the country, you almost always accepted.

It took you no time to fit in with the Barne’s. You immediately bonded with Bucky’s sisters. And it was no surprise that Winnifred—who insisted you called her Winnie—filled the motherly gap you had felt ever since leaving home for university.

Though the last thing she said to you before the most recent family dinner left your head swimming, and was at the root of your reaction when the word ‘date’ left Bucky’s mouth.

“Y/n, sweetie. It was so good to see you again,” her sing-song voice rang out as she pulled you in for a warm embrace. “Now if he doesn’t confess by the time this semester is over, you call me and I’ll talk some sense into him.”

Her whispering into your ear, followed by a familial peck to your cheek left you speechless with a lasting heat burning across your cheeks.

Bucky had kept asking you if you were ok, even placing the back of his hand to your forehead to check for a fever as you both rode the train back to your respective dorms. You assured him you were just tired and, unintentionally adding to your cover, proceeded to doze off on his shoulder.

Now, as you packed up your bag to leave the library, the word ‘date’ was dancing around your brain. Was that what Winnie had meant by confess? Is it possible that Bucky had felt the same as you this whole time?

You shook your head as if it would physically clear the hopeful questions from your mind. There was no way he felt the same as you and you would never risk losing the best friend you had made since leaving home.

“Everything good?” Bucky paused from packing his laptop. Worry lines rippled across his forehead as his eyes searched your features for a tell.

“Yup, all good! Just thinking about what we should eat for dinner. How about pizza?”

“Pizza sounds great,” he replied, the concern melting from his face and a soft grin taking its place. “Whatever you want, doll.”

Your cheeks burned at the nickname. He couldn’t feel the same, could he?

┉✪┉

Bucky was sure his heart was going to pound right out of his chest as the two of you walked back to his dorm from the pizza place. What a way to go, bleeding out on the sidewalk—death from fear of asking out his long-time crush.

He had convinced you, without much effort, to take the long way home. It was uncharacteristically mild for the season and it was a clear night. The moon was lighting your path through the campus greenway, casting shadows from the leafless trees.

“Something on your mind, Buck?” Your head was tilted to the side, eying him with your forehead slightly crinkled.

“‘S nothing, doll, I mean…” Shit, he thought.

I hope you confess before you set foot back in this house, James. Someone as special as Y/n is not going to wait around forever.

Those were the words Winnie had whispered in his ear after she her little meddling talk with you last dinner. The same words that haunted him for the rest of the semester. The same words hovering in his head now as he tried to drudge up the courage to finally confess his feelings for you.

What if you didn’t feel the same way? What if you turned him down? What if admitting that he had been falling in love with you ever since your first class together ruined the best friendship he’d ever made outside of Steve?

“You know you can talk to me right?” You stopped walking to fully face him, the moonlight pouring over your features. In that moment, Bucky swore to every god that you were a dream—a beautiful dream that was too good for him. All he could do was blink at you, rendered speechless by the silver blue light painted across your face.

“Did someone break your heart? Because I swear I will fight them,” you half teased, twisting a fist into your palm.

Your protectiveness made him laugh, breaking the spell you had temporarily cast over him. “No, sweetheart, no one broke my heart. Not yet anyways.”

He muttered that last part under his breath, but you had heard him.

“Ooooo so there is someone. Spill it Barnes!”

He didn’t notice you gulp hard, a forced smile plastered on your face.

Here goes nothing, he thought.

“Well, I’ve actually known them for a while.” His nervous tell of rubbing his hand on the back of his neck was giving him away. “Met ‘em in my first class.”

“Oh my gosh, it’s been that long?! And you didn’t tell me?! Is it Wanda?” you guessed cluelessly, making every attempt to smother your crushed heart.

“No, doll, it’s not Wanda,” he let out a breathy chuckle. His legs were starting to feel like jello. “They’re super smart, smarter than me. Definitely work harder than me too.”

“Smart, hardworking… Sam! How did I not see it?!”

Bucky’s stomach sank. Clearly you didn’t feel the same. But it was too late to stop now. He had to come clean.

“It’s not Sam either,” Bucky sighed. He dropped his arm back down to his side, closing his eyes as he took a deep preparatory breath. “They’re the most beautiful human being I’ve ever met. When we study together, I can’t concentrate. I get lost in their eyes, their little ticks, their mannerisms. But it’s not just their outside beauty. They’re caring and genuine. Always asking about me. About my family. And their humour and sass keep me on my toes constantly.”

His eyes finally opened, ready to accept the fate of your reaction. Expecting rejection, his breath hitched when his eyes registered you, frozen still, trembling. Your mouth was opening and closing slowly, as if searching for words that wouldn’t come.

“Plus my mom loves ‘em and basically told me I wasn’t allowed to come home again for dinner until I finally confessed how I feel,” he added softly, adjusting his weight from one foot to the other. He was terrified to take a step towards you, as if even the smallest movement might scare you away.

Confess. There was that word again.

“B-Bucky. Are… are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

Your hands were fully shaking now and your breathing had turned shallow, forcing your chest to rise and fall in rapid little waves.

“Y/n, I’ve loved you since the day we met. And it’s ok if you don’t feel the same way. I don’t want to lose your friendship, but I can’t go on lyin’ to ya. I’ll understand if you—”

It happened so quickly, Bucky didn’t have time to catch you before you went down.

“Oh my god!” He yelled as he dropped to kneel beside your limp form. “Y/n, can you hear me? Fuck!”

Bucky pressed both palms around your cheeks, rapidly trying to decide what to do. Everything he had learned about first aid flew out the proverbial window as his arms scooped you up, bridal style, with one arm holding your head stable against his chest. He didn’t stop running until he had you safe on his couch.

┉✪┉

You came to, feeling something cool across your forehead. You blinked, Bucky’s figure slowly coming into view. His blue eyes were a stormy sea, sending waves of concern crashing over you.

“Oh thank god!” he sighed, exhaling as if he had been holding his breath for an eternity.

You went to remove the damp cloth from your head so you could sit up when you noticed the dull ache, wincing slightly as you registered the pain.

“Slow, doll, slow. You took a nasty hit to your head,” he said, gently placing a hand on your shoulder. Then he put his phone in front of you, showing you a photo of the sizeable gash on your forehead.

“W-what happened?” you wondered out loud. There was a whisper of a memory, but you couldn’t quite piece it together yet.

“Do you, umm, do you remember anything from tonight?” he asked, suddenly overtaken by shyness and looking down to his hands nervously rubbing together.

“Yeah, I mean, I think so?” you said, taking a moment to reflect on the evening’s events. “We were studying… then we went out for pizza...” You paused, trying to remember what came next. “Oh! Then we were coming back here to study when—” your words halted on your tongue.

The memory of the confession came flooding back to you.

Bucky’s stomach dropped and his chest tightened at your silence.

Until a smile began to spread across your face..

“Did you mean it?” you asked in the tiniest voice Bucky had ever heard you use, your eyes searching his for any hint of doubt.

“Every fucking word.”

Suddenly your lips were on Bucky’s, your arms wrapped around his neck. He could smell the sweetness of your shampoo melding with the rest of your scent that he could only describe as you.

“Your head!” he exclaimed suddenly, pulling away from you, causing a whine to escape your mouth at the loss of contact. He chuckled at your protest, bringing his hand to cup the side of your cheek. “You really should take it easy, sweetheart.”

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” you muttered, pressing into the warmth of his palm against your face.

“You sure?” he questioned softly, his eyes flitting to the bandage he had placed on your forehead after cleaning your wound before you awoke. He needed to be certain you were alright.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” you confirmed with a quiet smile. “Please just kiss me?”

Bucky shuddered at your quiet request as he let out a shaky breath. “Won’t make you ask me twice,” he murmured, leaning into you once more.

“By the way,” you let out with a whisper as your lips continued their introductions, “I’ve loved you since day one too.”

Bucky’s eyes fluttered shut as he pressed into your mouth, firm and with intention one last time before breaking the continuation of your first kiss.

“I’m so sorry I waited so long.” The words came out breathy and low, his face suddenly serious as he rubbed your cheekbone with his thumb.

“Me too. Better late than never, right?” you replied, your hand finding his free one and lacing your fingers together.

“Better late than never,” he repeated, a smile returning to his lips as he raised your hand and pressed his mouth to your knuckles.

“Will you stay the night?” His eyes trailed up to meet yours, as he let go of your hand. “I want to keep an eye on you, make sure you don’t have a concussion.”

“Oh sure, a likely story,” you teased.

“I swear it, doll! I’ll even sleep on the floor!”

“Buck, I’m just teasing. ‘Course I’ll stay—as long as you don’t sleep on the floor,” you replied with a coy grin.

Bucky chuckled, a crimson blush creeping up his neck and across his cheeks. “Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool,” he joked, returning the smile. “Let’s get you to bed, then. Studying can wait until tomorrow.”

“Definitely tomorrow,” you agreed, accepting his outstretched hand that helped you off of his couch and led you to his room.

It may have taken three years, but Bucky finally had you and he wasn’t going to let you go.

la fin

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x gn!reader #bucky x gender neutral reader #bucky fanfic #bucky fluff #bucky fic #james bucky barnes #college bucky #college au #hurt/comfort #400 followers

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amlovelies · 3 years

Text

eyes wide shut

I’ve had this mostly finished for like months. posting it now so I don’t delete it. an attempt at ortega’s pov for the in the dark love scene

fandom: fhr pairing: Julia ortega/f!sidestep (cynthia basri) rating: M/E there’s some smuttyness also discussion of suicide words: 1.2k ao3

It still feels like a dream. Any moment now, reality will come crashing in, the warm body trapped underneath Ortega’s will evaporate into the darkness, and she will be alone with her regrets.

It hasn’t happened yet. Cyn is still here, still in her arms. She hasn’t run yet. She sighs as Julia runs her hands up her side, a deeper groan as she tangles her hand in her wild curls, pulls her closer, kisses her until they’re both breathless.

It’s thrilling how affected she is, confirmation that the attraction wasn’t one sided like Julia sometimes feared. If the needy sounds spilling out of her mouth are any indication, she wants this badly, and maybe she needed the dark, and why hadn’t Julia thought of that earlier? Should have guessed. Should have guessed from the long layers, even in the worst of the summer heat.

Hard to think of that now over the thrill of feeling skin against skin. She’s so warm, tension bleeding away as Julia works her way down her body.

Sloppy open-mouthed kisses along the edge of her collar bone, letting her free hand explore, slowly trailing down.

A moan escaping Cyn as Julia’s hand cups her breast, running her thumb over the pebbling nipple. Her own hardening in response, at the way Cyn’s hips jerk forward against her thigh. They’ve only just begun and Cyn is already desperate for friction.

It’s hard for Julia to hold back, wanting to let her hand delve down between Cyn’s legs, make her cum again and again. There will be time for that. Needs to make this last, she’s been waiting too long for this.

Wishes she could see her face, could watch her eyes roll back, lashes fluttering against her cheeks. It’s easy to pull up a decade’s worth of dreams and fantasies, to imagine reactions to the soundtrack of whimpers and sighs escaping Cyn. It’s enough for now. More than enough.

She hadn’t dared to hope to get this far. Plotted and planned, yes, but hope was something Ortega had lost a long time ago. The same day she lost Cynthia.

Put that thought away. So many other things to focus on, like the expanse of Cyn’s bared torso trembling under her hands. It’s strange without sight, having to navigate by feel. Her senses heightened, trying to make up for the loss, trying to fill in the gaps. Is this how Cyn feels around her, missing that extra piece of input, all the other senses scrambling trying to make sense?

The rough textures on her soft skin. Reading scars like braille under her fingertips, so many memories. There are words she doesn’t recognize, vocabulary she hasn’t learned yet. Burns and cuts and the puckering of poorly stitched skin.

Each touch creating new questions which her mind is quick to supply answers for. Answers she doesn’t like, but that fit too easily to be ignored. Too many similarities for it all to be coincidence, telepathy too rare a gift. She won’t complete the thought. Won’t let her self say the words because that will make it real, because that will mean she has to act.

For now, she can pretend. For now, she can ignore the little voice in the back of her mind and focus on Cyn.

Focusing on mapping out her contours, the sensitive patch of skin on her right side, the small divot on her left arm from a stab wound. Julia’s hand sliding down the arm towards Cyn’s wrist. Under her fingers, she can feel scars. Ones she’d guessed might be there, but hadn’t wanted to look. Hadn’t wanted to have it confirmed. As if she could ignore Cyn’s hollow stare or the way she wrapped her arms around herself. As if she might break apart at any second, only willpower and stubbornness keeping her together.

Did Heartbreak ever end? Did they ever really leave that room? Or is she still there trying to fight the gun away? Needing to save her, needing her to want to be saved. To stay. Not to leave. Juia can’t lose her. Can’t lose this.

Not when Cyn has finally let her in. Not fully, and maybe that’s a fever dream, but more than she ever did before.

Julia presses her lips down on the scars, again and again, each touch of her lips an apology. For not being quick enough, for not being there, for not knowing what was waiting for Cyn on the other side of that window.

Maybe the dark is better. Cynthia can’t see her face; Julia doesn’t have to try and hide; doesn’t have to try and pretend she isn’t gutted.

She can’t lose her again. Can’t have her slip through her fingers, Julia wouldn’t survive it a second time. Wouldn’t want to. Maybe she can understand that ridge of scars a little better.

Cyn tries to pull her hand away as Julia trails kisses over her wrist, but Julia won’t let her. Not yet. She needs to do this, as if her lips have any ability to heal, but she can’t find the words, actions are all she has. A broken sob from Cyn cracks Julia open all over again.

One final kiss, this time to the palm of her hand and Julia releases her. She expects it, but it still stings when she pulls her hand back, out of reach and lost in the darkness around them.

“I love you,” Julia tells her because she doesn’t know what else to say, knows it isn’t enough, knows Cyn doesn’t believe her, but she hasn’t run so that has to count for something.

She’s still here in her bed, still letting her touch her.

Kisses that taste too much of unsaid things. Of lies and secrets and pain.

Julia wants to stay like this forever. Cyn’s head resting on her chest, hands and legs intertwined, the slide of skin against each other.

Sleep pulling at her corners, no reason to fight to keep her eyes open in the darkness. Safe, Cyn is safe in her arms.

Wants to protest when Cyn starts to move, to shift away, pull her back and never let her leave. Use her hands and mouth and convince her to stay, just a little while longer. Julia isn’t ready to let the moment go, not ready to watch her pull away like she always does.

Too soon she is moving away. Too soon she is slipping out of Julia’s hands, fumbling for her clothing in the darkness. Each layer being replaced, each wall being rebuilt, distance reestablished.

Julia wants to reach out to grab her hand, pull her back into the bed with a laugh, not let her leave until morning, or ever. Never sounds good right about now.

“You can turn the light on now,” her voice is hushed in the stillness of the bedroom.

It’s never easy to watch Cyn walk away, to let her leave. Julia is all too aware that it could be the last time.

At least she isn’t running out the door like she’d done so many times before. Julia would rather drive her home, would rather she never leave, but she makes herself be content with watching her walk down the hall from her doorway.

Cyn turns before descending, and she never used to do that before, turns with an intensity in her gaze and a small smile on her lips. It’s not the words she hasn’t returned yet, but Julia will take it. Will lock in away in her mind in the place where she has begun to let her hopes grow.

fhr taglist: @lord-king-saint @roxaroux @lilyoffandoms @plotbunny-bundle @stealthbaguette

#throwing this into the void and then disappearing #fallen hero #if: fhr #julia ortega #chargestep #fhr ortega #lovelieswrites #oc: Cynthia basri #fic: cynthia basri #ship: you’ll be her ruin #nsft #suicide

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