#i had to trim this list down so you know... i got more recs where this came from

[saturdaysky]

hello! i hope you don't mind a message, but i am just excited to see someone else who liked AMCE and would love to know if you have recs for books that are similar, because i've been thinking about it for like a month straight since i finished reading it and would love something else to occupy my brain the way that it did. no pressure to answer ofc, just happy to share good vibes over a book :)

I do not mind it at all! <3

I do have some books that scratched a similar itch as A Memory Called Empire! I looooved the thoughtful focus on culture and language and identity within an intricate setting, so these recs follow that pattern somewhat.

Under a cut because this got kind of long.

The Imperial Radch trilogy by Ann Leckie

Liked the exploration of culture, identity, and imperialism in AMCE? You will probably like these books, since they also grapple with those themes. Also present is the exploration of personhood, who has it, and who does not -- because our main character is a person who used to be a starship. Or well, sort of. Wikipedia has a decent blurb:

The novel follows Breq—who is both the sole survivor of a starship destroyed by treachery, and the vessel of that ship's artificial consciousness—as she seeks revenge against the ruler of her civilization.

These books are honestly some of my favorite books ever. They combine a really thoughtful and deliberate focus on all the stuff mentioned above, fascinating plots and world-building, and characters who absolutely made me Feel Things. Highly recommended if you like, say, emotionally closed-off and damaged characters learning to care and be cared for while also skillfully navigating an intricate web of power to pursue their goals and reckon with the harm they've caused. But with bonus smart thoughts about robots.

The Foreigner series by C.J. Cherryh

I haven't fully made my way through this series, but it's rewarding every time I sit down to read another book. The books follow Bren Cameron, diplomat to an alien court, as he negotiates the intricate web of politics and intrigue involved in making sure the crash-landed colony ship he represents doesn't get obliterated or obliterate anyone else, despite humans making some monumental fuck-ups in the recent past.

And when you live and work and eat among one people, how much do you really belong to the people you came from? Of course, neither side really trusts someone who straddles both worlds, and to cap it off, the atevi people he lives among are different from humans in a fundamental way: they have no word for friend or love because those are alien concepts to the atevi. They do not feel such things. Instead, they live by an intricate web of obligation and favors. Trust is something a little more practical and a lot more deadly, for the atevi.

But these are not heartless novels -- part of the joy is watching the main characters grow meaningful relationships, even though the form is fraught and strange and never quite means the same thing to the people on either side.

If you like slow and thorough explanations of culture where meeting with your friend's grandmother is a potentially perilous activity (because the tea might be poisoned, because she might take you on a hunting trip you won't come back from, because she's a formidable political power and might be trying to assassinate your friend, because your friend might know all of this and have sent you anyway, also your friend is the king) these are books you might like.

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison

If you like deep dives of culture, language, identity, and loyalty within the deadly intrigue of a fantasy court, I hiiiiighly recommend this book. The book follows Maia, the youngest and least-favored heir to the throne who gets unexpectedly crowned when everyone else in line dies and must quickly learn to survive the cutthroat politics. But Maia isn't cutthroat by nature; he is kind and must negotiate how to keep that kindness in the face of pressures that would be easy to solve with cruelty, as well as people keen to take advantage of what they think of as a weakness.

This book'll hit you with a lot of fantasy language at first (it's a focus of the book), but if you stick with it you'll be fine. You're learning all this intricate court language at the same time as our protag; he too is a little out of his depth at the start.

Steerswoman series by Rosemary Kirstein

I dearly want to go back and read these -- it's been a few years, but they absolutely sucked me in. The books follow Rowan, a steerswoman, as she tracks down the mystery of a strange and incongruous gemstone. In-universe steerswomen are basically traveling scientists and naturalists who have taken an oath of truth.

The books start out in what seems like your fairly typical Standard Fantasy Setting with wizards and dragons, but as Rowan learns more about the strange gem, it's clear that this Standard Fantasy Setting is...not as it seems. There are three things that I loved about these books: the sense of wonder and discovery as our fantasy scientist protag reasons through problems and begins to discover she lives in a sci fi world, the interesting relationship between the main characters, and the excitement you as a reader have when YOU realize exactly what mysterious object Rowan is describing and what the implications of that are for the setting.

The Broken Earth trilogy by N.K. Jemisin

Riveting series -- brutal and beautiful. Straddles the line in some respects between sci fi and fantasy. Follows characters who live on a far, far-future Earth plagued by catastrophic climate events called "Seasons" that last generations. There are some people born who have power drawn from the earth; these people are alternately hated and ruthlessly trained to hone their powers to attempt to prevent another Season. (This sort of sounds like the setup to a YA coming-of-age novel, but it is really really not.)

The world and fantastical aspects are fascinating (cyclical post apocalyptic societies! geology magic!), and the books themselves explore family bonds, racism in both a personal and systemic sense, and broken systems and the wounds they leave upon the people within them even as those people wound others. The series is not a light read, but it is a good one.

Literally anything by Ursula K. Leguin

All of her work could be recommended if you liked AMCE. Her writing spans fantasy and science fiction, and includes thoughtful and moving explorations of some similar ideas: culture and cultural exchange, gender, different societal setups, you name it.

If you're looking for a good novel, The Left Hand of Darkness is a classic for a reason. If you'd like a sample platter of interesting short stories, The Birthday of the World and Other Stories is wonderful.

[angeli-marco-writes]

Harry Holland - Polaroids

A/N & WC - I do not know Harry or the other people mentioned in this fic, nor do I claim to; this is a work of fiction. 3.9k.

Warnings - Swearing, mention of food, smut: depictions of oral (m+f rec), penetrative sex, use of toys, bondage & bdsm, photos being taken in the act, mild exhibitionism and definite voyeurism (not Harry or reader) 18+.

Summary - You and Harry have an exciting intimate life to say the least, and he rather enjoys taking photos of the two of you in compromising positions. However, in his sex-addled mind, one vital fact is let slip when he allows Sam into his room unsupervised.

“BUD, WHERE ARE THOSE PHOTOS you took of my food the other day?” Sam asks.

The sizzling of pancakes overlaps the conversation, and you mussing up Harry’s hair distracts him, his attention drawn to more important matters than his brother. Harry barely swallows his giant mouthful of food before speaking.

“By my bed there’s a huge pile, they’ll be somewhere,” he answers flippantly.

Flippantly.

Usually so cautious and so organised Harry lets one thing slip his mind for five seconds, and his life is going to fall through the cracks. His reputation will be utterly destroyed. Just with his brother, but it still stands. Sam is… more innocent than Harry has ever been. And Sam will also tell the others, and likely their friends…

“Remembered something, baby?” you muse sardonically from beside him, your hand halting its movements as you cup his jaw, turning him to face you.

The second his green eyes meet yours, you watch the world crumble in his eyes. You’ve never seen him scramble up from his seat so quickly. His bare feet slap on the tiled floor violently, thudding sounds echoing through the house as he blunders around, swinging around the banister with the force and elegance of an elephant.

“Sam! FUCK— Wait!”

“Don’t look in that pile of photos,” you add in a feeble shout.

It’s not like what Sam’ll find there is any secret. You’ve been together a long time, you and Harry, and everyone knows full well that you’re shagging, but that doesn’t mean you necessarily want them to know exactly what happens in the bedroom, in your most intimate, secret moments together. That’s sacred, even if it seems like sacrilege to so many.

No matter how quickly you hear Harry legging it upstairs, his lean legs carrying him up the stairs perhaps three at a time, his curly hair even more unruly than before from the exertion, you know he won’t be fast enough, and that Sam is an insolent bastard when he wants to be. You’ve lived with them all long enough and have had more than your fair share of near misses: no chance will you not be found out, this time you’ll be caught. Better than the alternative and the other times, you suppose, as you cram one more syrup-drizzled and strawberry-covered pancake into your gob, reluctantly trudging your way upstairs to the hive of fun.

It’s chaos by the time you get there. Dozens of artfully-taken photos spilled out onto your duvet, Harry’s freckled face paler than you’ve ever seen it, his hands tugging at his pyjama shirt convulsively while Sam stands on the other side of the room, his dark eyes wide, his expression agog, his jaw unhinged, staring blankly and pointing at whatever the most incriminating thing is he sees next. You just hope he doesn’t go ferreting through your drawers, because then you’ll really be in trouble.

“What… the fuck.”

You come up to Harry’s side, and wrap an arm around his slim waist, lending a weak, “Surprise?”

It’s their fault if they haven’t guessed, frankly.

You can’t draw your eyes away from the pictures, so many of them, all displaying different aspects of your sex life at varying degrees of explicitness. You can even recount the minutes and hours of pleasure that led to the photos, each occasion etched into your mind. Sure, you and Harry go at it a lot, but you don’t always go the extra mile, hence why these commemorative photos of your special nights are so treasured. And private. Or, were.

The first one… oh boy, that takes you back to the most far-out, extreme experiment you tried—the most recent, as well: just this past weekend. You’re still covered in rope burn from it, though that could’ve been prevented if you hadn’t writhed or wriggled about so much while in those bonds. The amount of attempts it took, the sheer number of YouTube tutorials you had to watch, but it was definitely worth it. The intricate patterns the ropes formed all across your body, creating braids down your back, suspending you prone with little movement in your arms or legs. It was heaven to have Harry tugging on the ropes, contorting you into new and wonderful positions for his own delightful access to all of you. Perhaps it’s not something you’ll gravitate towards again, but it was fun while it lasted, and it’s another thing to tick off your list of fun, kinky bedroom experiments to try. To be fair, even though the swathes of soft, rose-coloured rope, intricately woven around you were a lot, you certainly wouldn’t be averse to trying something else with rope. Less shibari, perhaps just normal levels of bondage. You can feel the skin on your arms prickling with heat: Harry feels it too, winding his fingers into yours, holding on tight as he struggles to suppress a smirk.

The next set is interesting, and rather common. Harry’s freckled, ring-less hand is unmistakable in the dappled light as it grapples with the handle of a leather whip, or a paddle, even his belt, bringing them down harshly onto your ass cheeks, already reddened with hand prints, purple from bruises. In one of them, your skin is even glistening with his release, and another, your hands are suspended behind your back. Harry’s always been one for spanking, and the rest of them know it. Even before you were sleeping together he’d playfully smacked your bum, and he certainly hasn’t stopped even with the sexual connotations it now conveys between the two of you. As though he can read your mind, he snakes a hand down and pats you on the bum; his wink telling you it’s just for good measure. Cheeky shit.

One in the dead centre brings shivers throughout your body. Not because it wasn’t fun or pleasurable, but because of the way it made you feel afterwards. Yes, you’d talked through it in thorough details—as with everything the two of you do—how it made you feel going in, throughout, and you’d got a safe word sorted, but perhaps you hadn’t discussed all the long term risks of it. The pretty pink collar, the satin blindfold… The whole subservient thing is a big turn on for Harry, and you played into it, you always do and you naturally fall into a position of less power in your relationship because of the way you are, but being degraded in such a way isn’t for you. You can’t help but feel a sting of shame ricochet through your heart. Harry must feel it this considering how reactive he is: he leaps towards the bed and snatches it up, shredding it before your eyes, chucking it into the bin, and curling another protective arm around you.

“Look,” you whisper to Harry, turning his attention elsewhere as you point to the bottom few: your favourite photos of all.

Despite the disarray, they’re all together, and they remind you of an incredible night. Your anniversary, and what a special day it was. Butterflies swarm you at the sight of them again, but it feels strange for someone else to be looking at them. Not that you or Harry are exactly in a fit state to be proactive about preventative measures now Sam’s seen them all. His eyes bulge from his face, his mouth going dry as he swallows viciously, suddenly having to shift his already apparently tight shorts. Again.

“You’re so sexy in those, baby,” purrs Harry.

He’s damn right, you do look incredibly sexy. And though the first one in the chronological series is you mostly covered, you can remember how hard his dick was at the sight alone, salivating, clenching his fists to stop from ripping the lingerie from you piece by piece. You wanted to put on a show for him that day: who was he to deny you?

On top of your bra, panties and stockings was a nightgown, and above that, a dressing gown. Each image shows you in a further state of undress. It was a deep burgundy lace set of negligée with soft satin straps that pushed your boobs together, lifting them up, the lace hooked together with a single eyelet on your spine, whereas the panties, though half covering your cheeks with dustings of lace, hid nothing while they sat high on your hips, revealing your entire upper thigh where a matching satin garter sat with tiny lace bows. The entire thing cost a fortune. You forked out a damn arm and a leg for what you got, even with a discount included with a certain toy you bought.

First went the dressing gown, letting it fall from your shoulders, allowing it to pool around your feet as you showed off the skimpiness of the silk slip in a series of flourishing twirls, much to Harry’s delight. Next went the slip, and you honestly wish you’d taken a picture of his face utterly agog—as you stood there in stockings held up by garters, barely there panties and a push up bra. There’s one shot of his rough fingertips playing with the trim of the stockings delightedly, like a kid in a candy shop. Next went the feeble scrap of fabric that you dared to call a bra, barely covering your nipples, allowing your breasts free, spilling into Harry’s awaiting hand. You remember the next part vividly, because he was just about to peel the panties off when you laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“I’ve got a surprise for you, babe.” you cooed.

His twinkling eyes grew as wide as saucers, and you dared to card your fingers through his curls as you settled yourself over his lap, letting him keep his camera in one hand while leading the other down, down, a little further…

He’s never since made a sound quite like it, so visceral and animalistic, so ready to devour you, to come on sight. He’s never been as hard as he was in that instance.

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” he moaned, a deep groan released from him the second his fingers slipped through your folds to find dripping arousal all ready for him. “Just—wait a minute…”

You followed his every instruction for the next few moments, finding yourself standing up in a good lighting position, Harry strategically beneath you as he snapped a particularly incriminating (yet oh so sexy shot) of your bare pussy in crotchless panties. Harry’s never recovered. He’s already openly admitted that he uses those particular photos more than any others to get himself off whenever you’re away from him. However, the creases and folded corners of one particular photo can’t be blamed on him, since that’s the one you use when you're away, two of his fingers plunged knuckle-deep inside you in those exact panties, from that exact angle, desperately trying to replicate the irreplaceably pleasurable feeling of him within you. He took a good few more than had to be thrown away. Spillages are awfully unfortunate… He fucked you that night with the panties, stockings and garters still on. Twice. Then without the panties, then without the stockings, then nude at last at some ungodly hour of the morning when he took you at last as the sun rose. You didn’t sleep a wink.

There are more of you with lingerie on, nightgowns and matching sets, scraps of silk and strange one pieces that took you hours to get on, but they’re bound to make a sort of book, stowed away neatly (mercifully) beneath his bed.

Sam still hasn’t moved from his state of paralysed shock, and though you should probably clear the photos up from where they’re dumped, you feel a filthy swelling pride within your chest, a glean of risk as you watch Sam rove his eyes over some more, these all involving toys. If only he knew where you hid them. One his eyes focus on is you with a thick purple rubber dildo deep inside you, a rabbit vibrator stuck to your clit. Your body is but a blur, writhing around for Harry, your hands cuffed before you and not released no matter how much you moved. Harry wouldn’t let you stop coming for what felt like hours: it was the first time you squirted for him as a cry tore from your heaving chest, drenching the bed with your fifth orgasm of the night. Harry vowed he’d be the only one to make you squirt after that, no toys involved, and he’s stayed true to his word.

There’s a few more, and Sam seems to be furrowing his thick brows at the sight of the Polaroids. Glass wands, spreader bars, clit suctions (that admittedly look like they’d be used in a spa for a facial). Poor boy is being corrupted...

Good God, you need to get those toys out again.

With his twin's attention diverted, you snake your hand down the front of Baz’s shorts, wrapping your fingers around his already hard member through his boxers: he seems to be enjoying this as much as you are.

You point out one of your favourite pictures, a debauched mess that shouldn’t be viewed by anyone else, frankly. Harry was reluctant about hurting you or pushing you too far, but you begged to be gagged. You meant just by a tie, maybe his bandana—which features in many images in many different manners: as a bind for your hands, tying you to the bed, keeping your ankles together, even wrapped lightly around your neck, but never as a gag—but he went all out. When you got home, he was waiting in his room with a leather-bound ball gag.

“You begged, baby,” he said, and you couldn’t refute. You had begged, but this was above and beyond. You complied with his every wish that night, and though you’d do it again in a heartbeat, Harry wasn’t a fan of not being able to shove his fingers or cock down your throat at any given moment. He liked hearing your whines and moans and hushed curses, prayers of his name. He also liked hearing your bratty, belligerent rebuttals when he took on a dominant role. You enjoyed it more than a little, but only now can you see how much of a mess you were, messy hair and tears spouting from your eyes, drool down your chin...

Given the chance of the slightest spark of stimulation, you’ll be coming on the spot.

There’s a scattered pile of the two of you in just about every position under the sun, every shape in the karma sutra, fucking both inside and out, al fresco sex beneath the big oak in the garden, anyhow, anywhere and everywhere you could fuck safely and privately, you would, and you didn’t even realise Harry had snapped some of these shots after consenting to him taking them at any time. Your eyes squeezed shut as you peaked, Baz’s palm kneading your chest, your skirt hiked up around your stomach while your jaw was agape, your pussy exposed and glistening slick in the mirror, penetrated by Harry’s cock. That was a good day, mirror sex, and definitely something you’ll try again. This time with your own mirror... There are a few snapshots of oral, perfect Polaroids of Harry’s nose nuzzled into your pussy, his tongue deep in your core, his lips on your labia, all of them for your sake whenever he goes away.

“Gonna recreate that one tonight,” Harry husks, pointing towards one image in particular of you sucking him off.

His huge member down your throat, you’d trained yourself to breathe solely through your nose, but the neatly trimmed patch of hair there tickled your nostrils. Harry’s talent for photography reveals your doe eyes were red rimmed, saliva trickling from the corner of your mouth matching the mascara tracks down your cheeks. You’ve never looked so fucked out, and Harry couldn’t believe you remained in that innocent façade, rosy cheeks and a coy expression even with his dick rammed down your throat, making you gag.

However, the one you’d like to recreate is one he picks up on, surreptitiously moving a hand to your chest, his fingers hovering over your peaked nipple.

“Reckon we can go again the second Sam fucks off?”

“Yes,” he eagerly exhales.

You don’t blame him, especially not when both twins are staring at the same image of your tits, pushed together with Harry’s dick between them, fucking your chest despite the fact his come already painted your chest in hot white strips, a beautiful painting you’d always wish to frame. He certainly has an obsession with your boobs so there are a couple like that, his hands all over them, the tip of his member tapping them, but the debauched one is by far your favourite. Similarly, there’s one of you tied to the bed, completely spread eagle, his dick resting on your stomach while your belly is coated in his come once again.

It seems, however, that’s what snagged Sam’s attention and has his face a ghastly shade of grey because it's so pale, is the one photo Harry never wanted anyone to see. You leap and snatch it up in one fell swoop, and Harry draws you into a bear hug within his arms, kissing your temple affectionately in thanks as you stow it away for safekeeping. Though Harry naturally carries the more dominant title in your relationship, you always like to shake things up, hence why this photo (and a series of others he already has hidden) depict Harry as your submissive. You walked around as the picture perfect dominatrix in stilettos, carrying a whip while Harry lay there with his hands bound, a blindfold on in some photos (you took them so they’re not as great, but he still looks damn sexy) with a vibrating cock ring wrapped snugly around his girth. He’s never come so hard or so much after you finally removed it and cuffed his hands to the bedpost and began to ride him. You can still feel the warmth of him climaxing within you if you close your eyes and clench your thighs.

“I promise I’ll touch you later,” boy do you hope he sticks to that promise he whispers while nibbling on your earlobe, “but Sam’s coming out of his daze in 3... 2... 1...”

“OH MY GOD.”

“Okay, I didn’t see that coming,” he remarks breathily, hazel eyes wide as he pivots, met with two incredulous stares. Tom’s cry wakes Sam up right on cue.

“Harry! What the fuck?!” Sam demands, his voice a bellow, horror and disgust and... something unattainable just emanates from him. “Why do you have three porn mags worth of your girlfriend down here? That’s fucked, mate.”

“No it’s not. We just like to have photographic reminders of all our... sexcapades.”

Sam is, unsurprisingly, retching, now finally turning his head away from the pile without even bothering to pick up.

“This was cool until you called them sexcapades,” Tom chimes, smacking Harry upside the head as he swaggers over to the bed, fishing a few photos up before tossing them back down.

Sam's horrified attitude doesn’t seem to be spreading thankfully, but you and Harry are understandably rooted to the spot, stuck to the carpet, just biding your time until this is over. Then again, you can’t really tell, since no one is saying anything. You nor Harry want to be the ones to break the silence, though, and you can tell with the furtive and expressive stares you’re sharing that his anxiety is increasing the more people are seeing this.

Momentarily, you think someone may remark about your silent communication, your fixed glances and speechless conversation, but instead, Harrison comes up to you both, a sly smirk etched onto his pretty model face as he clasps a hand around one shoulder of yours and one of Harry’s.

“Harry Holland, you kinky fucker,” he praises.

You definitely feel a swell of pride at that. And the fact that Tom is trying desperately hard not to look at you while also trying to hide how flustered he is, somehow still abhorred by the sight. Harrison’s intrigue is palpable, gnawing on his lower lip as his lithe fingers trace you on the polaroid's, whereas Sam? He can’t decide whether to cry or scream. Harry huddles in closer and cuddles you, ensuring you feel every part of him, just how much he wants this lot to leave to finally have you at his mercy once more.

“So you two are shagging,” Tom observes.

You and Harry nod between kisses.

“Dangerously.”

You nod again, though this time a little reluctantly.

You expect Harry to nestle down with you again, but instead he detaches himself, unravelling his arms, and shoulders past Tom and Haz. He gives Sam a death glare as he piles up all the Polaroids and shoves them deep in a drawer for him to organise later, away from prying eyes and judgemental comments.

“Really, though?” Sam bursts out, flailing his arms before grasping Harry’s collar. “I thought you’d just handcuff her and give her a smack at most, very vanilla.”

As much as he tries to fight it, Harry’s face flushes bright red, leaving no visible distinction between his forehead and hairline. “I think those photos, erm, tell a different story.”

He rocks on the balls of his feet, tugging himself out of his brother's grasp, only to fall into another, saved by Harrison’s scowl at Tom.

“Can you lot bloody get out? Please? I’d like some alone time with my girlfriend after that sodding invasion.”

“If you’re having alone time, we’re leaving the house for a while,” Tom jokes, “how long?”

You smirk, striding over to meet Harry, eyes fixed on him as you press onto your tiptoes, wrapping your fingers around his shoulder before kissing his earlobe. He wilts into your touch.

“Two hours should be enough time. Scram.”

They do, gladly, and you slam the door shut as their scurrying footsteps down the stairs recede. Harry’s grip increases around your waist, a growl escaping him as he pushes you onto the bed. You gasp when your back hits the mattress, his lips instantly attacking your jaw.

“Which of those polaroid's do you wanna recreate first, baby?”

—

It’s hours later, and you're all around for your weekly dinner at the Holland house. You and Harry, having some ‘business’ to attend to before leaving the house, are the last to arrive, and Paddy, poor unfortunate Paddy, has the delightful job of letting you into the house.

“Sam asked me to give you this,” he says barely before you’ve entered the porch.

Harry’s face pales as he unravels the small piece of paper bundled into his hand by his younger brother, but you could swear all blood drains from him the second the words sink in.

‘You took them, you lost them, you collect them. What would mum and dad say, Harold?’

“Harry, what’s happening?”

“That utter wanker stole the polaroids as revenge for scarring him. He’s hidden them around the house. We have to find them before mum and dad go looking. You in for the ride?”

“Only if Haz can join us tonight,” you tease, and after calling a hello to Harry’s parents, you follow him around the house, detaching all the pinned photos.

Harry's learnt a solid lesson today: hide his damn Polaroids better from now on, away from the prying eyes of his bloody brothers. But, he thinks with a smirk, by no means will the two of you stop taking them.

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, here is a rec list of bottom Louis fics where Louis acts like a brat in the story. We hope you enjoy all of these. Happy reading!

1) Can't You See (What You Do To Me)? | Explicit | 4217 words

Two men. One parking space. Lots of pranks, lots of persistence, lots of passion.

2) Throw Me In The Deep End | Mature | 5914 words

He’s a respectable captain who doesn’t go around bedding his crew, although when certain members of his crew decide to land on his bed themselves, it’s a bit of a tough  choice. So it’s a struggle, really.

3) Like You Hate Me | Explicit | 6541 words

“You have poor taste for someone with the last name Styles,” he says, turning to show the back of his pants to Harry—the pants Harry had just stitched his name across last night to keep this type of thing from happening again. Of course, he’s accomplished nothing but indirectly making himself pop a stiffy over Louis fucking Tomlinson.

4) A Virgin To That Money | Explicit | 7366 words

AU. Harry and Louis are broke university students who hate each other and make a sex tape. (In which Louis gets fucked a lot, Harry can’t find the camera, and the road to falling in love is different for everyone.) 

5) Call Me Shallow But I'm Only Getting Deeper | Explicit | 7367 words

The one where Louis is a brat so Harry spanks him with a riding crop.

6) Focal Point | Mature | 8935 words

By the time you read this, I’ll be gone, so don’t bother looking. Last night was lovely, Harry, I’m sure you agree. Sorry to run, but that’s just how life works sometimes, I’m sure you understand. Don’t forget about me. xx P.S. Thanks for the money

7) Ain’t No Telling Who’s In Charge Here | Explicit | 14562 words

The thing about Louis’ and Harry’s dynamic is that while Louis is the instigator of 99% of the foolishness, Harry will always come back at him with something ten times dirtier than whatever Louis had thought up. Of course, Louis can’t let that go, so he does something else, so Harry has to do something else, and then it’s a vicious cycle that continues until one of them makes a plea for a truce.

It’s like that even when they’re at home. Sometimes it’s like that especially while they’re at home, because Louis gets bored easily and Harry is just such an easy target. The point is that the kind of foolishness that Louis is known for doesn’t stop when the cameras stop rolling, so when Louis lets himself into Harry’s bedroom at 5:30 in the morning to annoy Harry into waking up before he goes for a run is completely normal and to be expected.

Except that it turns out not to be so normal.

8) Know You Got That Thing (That I Like) | Explicit | 15798 words

In all the ways he thought about their reunion going, watching Louis finger himself open was not on the list.

9) Like Gold | Explicit | 17763 words

Royal AU where Harry is Prince Louis’ Adviser, and Louis is anything but helpful. 

10) Another Day Gettin' Into Trouble | Explicit | 25619 words

Harry’s drunk when the idea occurs to him. He’s also a pop star, so sometimes his drunk ideas turn into actual things instead of just ideas. The clone-a-willy kit is one of them. In Harry’s defense, when he first thinks about it his intention is just to buy the kit and give it to Louis to make his own dildo with, because that’s what he wants anyway, right? To have a penis filling him up? Then he realizes that it would be weird if Louis made a copy of his own dick to fuck himself with. It’d be super weird. Louis fucking himself? That’s a weird idea. Harry’s pretty sure Louis wouldn’t like that. Clearly the only solution here is to use his own dick for the mold.

11) Up To No Good | Explicit | 26525 words

Note: This fic is the first part in a series. The entire series is BL.

Harry doesn’t think of himself as a womanizer, not at all. Sure, he enjoys sex, enjoys how women feel underneath him, and by some people’s standards he has sex with quite a lot of people, but that’s no reason to tell him that he can’t have a female PA anymore.

It’s especially no excuse for giving him a male PA who’s possibly the most gorgeous boy in the world who won’t even let Harry look at him for too long.

Sometimes Harry hates his life.

12) The Forest for the Trees | Explicit | 28250 words

Louis and Harry had the ultimate roommates and best friends with benefit relationship until Harry suddenly ends the benefits part, shocking and hurting Louis in the process. He’s fallen in love with Harry, but is too scared to tell him the truth because he just does not do first moves. In the spirit of unrequited love and with a little help from Harry’s mother, Louis decides to set Harry up with a series of horrible blind dates, hoping his roommates will see dating is too much trouble and come back to him. In the end, things don’t go as planned. 

13) Can't Fool Me | Explicit | 30162 words

AU where Louis hates fraternities and would never be into a frat boy. And one of these things is definitely not a lie.

14) Have You Coming Back Again | Explicit | 31086 words | Sequel

It’s five o’clock in the morning. Louis has a lecture at half eight. He could be using this time to study or to do his readings or to go to the gym, but - well. He doesn’t have any exams coming up, he’s not going to his seminar today anyway and he hates the gym.

Instead he’s using this time to fuck with Harry Styles’ poor little brain.

Louis jogs across the street and jabs the key into the car door. It opens easily, not that he was expecting anything else. He copied the key for a reason, after all.

He’s got Harry’s schedule memorized, more because the guy keeps following him around than anything, so he doesn’t bother looking around before climbing behind the wheel and setting his bag on the passenger seat. It’s a Monday, which means that Harry doesn’t even get out of bed before noon unless he’s planning on harassing Louis.

15) If I Should Stay | Explicit | 31185 words

Louis is a television actor who suddenly needs a bodyguard.  Harry is the bodyguard he ends up hiring.  

16) All The Right Moves | Explicit | 32264 words

This is the third game in a row that Harry has been distracted by the noisy boy in the stands, five rows back.

There’s really no reason that he should feel compelled to stare into the audience as frequently as he is, but he can’t help it. This boy is a nuisance. And he’s loud. Even from basketball court with nine other players running by him, shoes squeaking on the shiny hardwood floor, and thousands of cheering college students, Harry can hear this boy nearly shrieking, his laugh more like a cackle than anything.

It’s seriously obnoxious.

17) Promise You’ll Remember That You’re Mine | Explicit | 34564 words

What he doesn’t expect is to see Louis in their bathroom wearing panties. Not even like standard panties, they’re fucking black and sheer so Harry can see Louis’ full arse and there’s even lace trimming the edges. He nearly has a heart attack.

Harry’s face probably looks like a bright red tomato, and if not then the only other option would be that all his blood is going to his dick, because Louis looks like a fucking wet dream.

“Oh, you’re back.” Louis looks as nonchalant as ever, when Harry is over here freaking the fuck out.

18) The Sweetest Incantation | Explicit | 40598 words

Harry is a witch who's still working on developing his powers and Louis is a werecat who falls into his life and turns it upside down. 

19) Kiss Me On The Mouth And Set Me Free (But Please Don't Bite) | Mature | 42074 words

Harry is the CEO of Flora Corp, Louis is his new secretary.

20) Who Would’ve Thought | Explicit | 44275 words | Companion Fic

The idea doesn’t come to Louis until they’ve been at the bungalow for a couple of days. Harry has no idea that he’s going to pop a knot. He’s been living his life with the expectation that he’s going to be a beta, and Louis isn’t going to tell him otherwise.

Louis is an omega, though, and most omegas want to be filled up with a knot, fucked the way their bodies are made to be fucked, and Louis is no different. In ten years he wants to have an alpha waiting for him at home who will hold him down and fuck him exactly the way Louis wants to be fucked without worrying that they’re going to expect him to stay at home, open a joint bank account, raise a litter of babies, cook and clean and, most importantly, be submissive. For that to happen Louis needs an entirely different kind of alpha.

And so the plan is born.

21) Worth Dying For | Explicit | 44906 words

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Louis says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. In the center of the table, a set of three glossy photos stares up at him, mocking him.

“A security detail is non-negotiable, Louis, you know this,” his mum reminds him, tapping the middle photo with two fingers.

Louis doesn’t look back down at the pictures, gesturing towards them wildly, over-dramatically. “This is not a security detail!” he protests. “This is a lanky college student. In what world do you hire someone like this kid to protect me?”

22) Tangled Up In You | Explicit | 45152 words

Harry blinks once. And blinks again. And says, his voice dangerous: “Niall, did you get me a mail-order bride?”

Because what the actual fuck. It kind of looks like Niall’s just purchased a person. For Harry.

Niall blinks back at him for a few moments, before throwing his head back and howling with laughter. Harry throws a pillow at him. Hard. “No, what the fuck, Harry.”

“A prostitute then?” Harry also doesn't want a prostitute.

“Of course not!”

“A stripper?”

“No!”

Damn, he’s running out of ideas. He settles for launching another pillow at Niall’s head. Niall bats it away easily, still laughing. “Stop!”

“What did you get me, then?!” Niall must hear the tinge of hysteria in his voice, because he’s pulling himself together, trying to stop himself from laughing.

There’s still a big grin on his face, though, when he says, “I got you a professional cuddler.”

A professional…what. “What?”

23) Something In The World Today | Explicit | 48027 words

It shouldn’t be a surprise, the first time that Louis drops to his knees in front of Harry. It shouldn’t be, because it’s been something that Louis has needed for a long time. It shouldn’t be, because he’s been crawling out of his skin for weeks on end. It shouldn’t be, because Harry always makes him feel better. It shouldn’t be, because he’s needed this even when he didn’t know that he needed it.

Somehow, it still is.

24) Amazing Sin | Explicit | 56034 words

The story of Louis ‘Steal Your Man’ Tomlinson.

25) Swim In The Smoke | Explicit | 101778 words

“What about this, Captain?” Liam asks, nudging the boy kneeling between their feet with the toe of his boot. The boy hisses and swipes at him, slurring out something unintelligible around the makeshift gag Niall had to stuff in his mouth. He misses by a mile and tries again, just as ineffectively.

Harry looks down at him, at the way the sun streams over his face and shoulders, at the way the gag stretches his mouth, lips pink and chapped. He’s lithe and pretty, smudged all over with dirt. They had found him tied up below deck, mostly unconscious, next to a barrel full of gold. He’s clearly a prisoner, but there’s something familiar about him, something that niggles at Harry’s brain. Something he can’t quite put his finger on.

“Put him in my cabin,” Harry decides, turning back to deal with the rest of the loot. The boys screams out jumbled curse words at Harry’s back, muffled by the gag, and Harry can’t understand any of it.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[overthinkingkdrama]

hi! love in sadness anon again. if you can rec some good melos i would be thankful.

[Oh my gosh, anon. I suck. Seriously. I’ve been trying to sit down and get this done from the moment I got your ask and I just haven’t been able to do it. Anyway, hopefully you see this. Thank you for your patience.]

Little do you know how long I have been waiting for this moment. This is my time to shine! Jk, but I would be happy to give recs. It’s a delight. I started going through my MDL and realized just how many dramas in this genre I have actually seen and realized I would probably have to trim my recommendations somewhat not to seem like a crazy person. Also I have subcategories! Yay!

(I’ve included the *** next to titles that I have watched multiple times or that stand out from the rest of the pack.)

First of all, Movie Melos.

Sometimes you don’t have time for 16-30 hours of drama. Sometimes you want to get all your feels out in a single sitting and move on with your life. That’s where movies are so helpful. My favorite bite-sized melos are:

Always*** – An ex-con trying to get his life together falls in love with a blind woman, but his efforts to help her recover her sight might drag him right back into the violence he’s tried to escape.

Shoot My Heart – A young heir is forced into a mental hospital by his rich family where he meets a disturbed young man. They become friends, try to protect each other, and eventually escape. This one has a bit more of a comedic element to it than the other movies I’m recommending, but there’s plenty of the melo tone as the movie goes on.

Will You Be There? – After finding out that he’s dying of cancer, a man travels through time to beg his younger self to save the life of his first love.

Butterfly Sleep – This is a Japanese movie, but it also stars Korean actor Kim Jae Wook, who recently got a boost in popularity from Her Private Life. The movie revolves around a poor young man from Korea who ends up living with an older woman, a novelist who has just discovered she is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, and the passionate relationship that develops between the two as he helps her finish what will be her final book. #tragedy_tag

High Quality, Human Melodramas

So, this category is for if you want something with all the emotional gut punch of a really wild family drama, but you also want your melos to have actual artistic merit so when you tell your non-drama watching friends and family members about them they don’t end up losing respect for your taste.

Just Between Lovers – This is the story of two young people involved in and scarred by the same horrific accident, but survived and end up finding solace in one another as they deal with their combined traumas. If you’ve seen this drama around the kdramasphere on tumblr you might have seen a lot of gifs of the soft romance. Don’t be fooled though. The romance is indeed wonderful, but the themes are heavy and it can be rough sit.

My Mister*** – I really am just looking for every possible opportunity to recommend this drama. It has supplanted my former favorites and become my top drama of all time. It’s about two people, a troubled young woman in her 20′s and a structural engineer in his 40′s who have become beaten down and broken by life. Their two lives end up intersecting and they develop a really complex friendship that changes both of their lives. Acting, writing, directing…I have nothing bad to say about My Mister. This drama is actually perfect. 

The Smile Has Left Your Eyes – Do you like your melos a bit murdery? I know I sure do. Give me a sociopath any day of the week and I’ll say, “Thank you. I’ll take two.” This drama is about a young man who might be a monster. He becomes a detectives prime suspect in a murder investigation. At the same time he meets the detectives younger sister and they begin to fall in love. #tragedy_tag If this sounds like your thing, but you don’t like super sad endings check out Hello Monster, also starring Seo In Guk.

Secret Love Affair – I think it’s probably safe to say this drama is considered a modern kdrama classic, and for good reason. A story revolving around a woman who gave up her dreams for security, trapped in a loveless marriage, who meets a piano savant from an extremely underprivileged background and he sets off a spark for passion, music and love that she hasn’t felt in a long time. This is a quiet, pensive drama with a lot of wonderful music and atmosphere. YMMV depending on your tolerance for cheating and a slow-burn pace.

Alright, Cut the Crap Jona, Show Me the Extra Soapy Guilty Pleasure Dramas We All Know You Like…

Maybe you don’t go in for this type of self-conscious, “serious” drama watching. You’re going to watch these things in the sanctity of your own room and never tell a soul about them. Or perhaps you’ve evolved past needing other people’s approval to enjoy the things you like. Good for you, I say! As it should be. In that case, I have some top shelf makjang crack to deal you. This is the part of the list where the sliding scale of quality gets a little wobbly. Most of these shows contain a little, if not a lot, of crazysauce. All of them are over-the-top melo fun.

Baker King Kim Tak Gu – A drama about the illegitimate son of a conglomerate CEO who has inherited his preternatural baking abilities looking for his place in a family that will never acknowledge him. Yeah, the premise is pretty “what”? When I first watched this drama I thought it was supposed to be a satire of the makjang genre. To this day I’m not sure how seriously this drama actually takes itself. What I will say is it’s hella entertaining, even as it piles on more than it’s share of craziness (machinations, murder, affairs, chaebol fuckery, love polygons, gangsters, birth secrets, and on and on.) I was surprisingly invested and remarkably satisfied by the ending.

Ms. Perfect – This drama is something of a gothic romance/makjang melo mash up. It involves a woman whose marriage shatters just as she loses her home and finds herself desperate to take care of her family. She’s enticed by a mysterious woman to live with her in her huge house, but this stranger has eerie motivations of her own. Really fun, weird show. But brace yourself to be blue-balled by the romance. It’s one steamy make out session from being noona-romance catnip. 

Money Flower*** – I unironically love this drama. It’s very close to the platonic ideal of the Revenge Melo. It involves a Dantes-esque male lead, Kang Pil Joo, who is willing to destroy himself to enact his multi-decade revenge on a wealthy family that took everything from him. He is the shadow of a spoiled young heir who he plans to use to take down the whole evil empire of Chungha group, but in order to do that he has to orchestrate the heir’s marriage with the innocent daughter of a powerful politician, the woman who Pil Joo himself is in love with.

That Winter, The Wind Blows – This one is a lurid conman tail about a gambler who, in his attempts to pay back a dangerous gangster out for his life, pretends to be the prodigal brother of a blind heiress. He tries to get the money and skip town, but ends up falling in love with the mark which comes with a host of other complications, not the least of which is she thinks he’s her brother. This one is high on the guilty-pleasure-o-meter for me.

Come and Hug Me – Some people might disagree with my putting this one on here, but for me the premise is too wildly melodramatic to omit. The leads start out as childhood sweethearts, but the problem is his father is a deranged serial killer and her parents end up two of his victims. As adults he becomes a detective trying to make up for his father’s legacy of cruelty and she becomes a famous actress like her mother. Traumas resurface when she becomes the target of an apparent copycat and their past connection becomes the fixation of a ruthless tabloid journalist.

Thank You – After his fiancee dies of cancer, a Doctor travels to a remote island to fulfill her last wish–to help the family of a little girl the late fiancee was responsible for inadvertently infecting with HIV. Unexpectedly he finds himself attracted to the girl’s single mother. However, he will have to contend with the prejudices of the island people about AIDS and the reappearance with the girl’s father. This one is as heavy as it sounds, and the oldest drama on this list, from 2007, with all the idiosyncrasies that go along with older dramas. But it’s remarkably well done. From the same writer of a bunch of classic melodramas (I’m Sorry, I Love You; A Love To Kill; Innocent Man; Uncontrollably Fond, etc) but this is my personal favorite of hers.

The Last Empress – Okay, I couldn’t omit this one. I tried. Average musical actress Oh Sunny winds up married to the Emperor in an alternate history version of Korea and becomes embroiled in the machinations of the corrupt royal family. With a nice side helping of revenge plot. It’s demonstrably not a good show. It’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen. But it had me hooked early on and then I couldn’t get myself free. What a magnificent train wreck this drama was. If you’re looking for problematic nonsense melos that were MASSIVE hits in Korea and you’re torn between this and Baker King, go with the silly bread show and keep this one in your back pocket.

Fated to Love You – This one is probably the most off-brand on the list, because it leans heavily on the comedic tone, especially for the first half. There’s a definite turn at the midpoint of the drama where it becomes MUCH more melodramatic (with all the tropes you expect to go along with that), but I think it pulls of the transition impressively well. Besides, it’s a fun watch with a fluffy feelgood ending with a bow on top. It’s a dash of sugar for your melodrama sojourn, a genre that admittedly can be a bit of a bummer.

There it is. I tried to do an extra good job with my list because it took me so long to get it out. I’m sorry again. Happy watching!

Jona

[alltheselights]

emma, since your anons ask you a lot about fic recs, maybe you should consider creating a tag to "short fics rec" (10k maximum). I love short fics, and sometimes we don't have the time to read a long fic so it would help me (and other readers too, I'm sure!) a lot! :) thankss

You can actually sort my fic recs by length on my fic rec lists (the alphabetical ones), but here’s a list of the fics 10k words and under.

Act Out (Explicit / 7k)

Addressed To The Fire (Explicit / 9k)

After Me Comes the Flood (Not Rated / 8k)

A Fully Armed Battalion (To Remind You Of my Love)(Teen & Up / 6k)

A Gentleman’s Arrangement (Explicit / 5k)

All That Glitters Is Gold (Explicit / 5k)

A Love Reaction (Explicit / 67k)

Always Had That Heart Of Mine (Mature / 8k)

Always There (Not Rated / 6k)

And In My Bones I Feel The Warmth That’s Coming From Inside     (General Audiences / 4k)

A Touch Of Your Love (Explicit / 4k)

At The End Of My Rope (Mature / 6k)

A Virgin To That Money (Explicit / 7k)

Back Where I Belong (Explicit / 7k)

Been Gone Way Too Long (Explicit / 9k)

Bite the Bullet, Feel the Rush (Explicit / 8k)

BlueEyes, Black Jeans, Lighters, Candy (Explicit / 4k)

But I Want You (Explicit / 5k)

Call Me A Thief (Not Rated / 8k)

Call Me Shallow But I’m Only Getting Deeper (Explicit / 7k)

Call My Love In (Explicit / 6k)

Candy In Your Mouth (I Know You Love Me) (Explicit / 7k)

Can’t Laugh Too Hard, I’m On A Diet (Explicit / 10k)

Can You Feel The Fever (Explicit / 5k)

Casting Lines (Explicit / 8k)

‘Cause Lately I’ve Been Waking Up Alone (Explicit / 6k)

Cease the Day (Explicit / 8k)

Come A Little Closer (Explicit / 10k)

Come Live With Me (Not Rated / 5k)

Coming Up Easy (Explicit / 9k)

Couldn’t Be More In Love (Mature / 7k)

Direct Order (Mature / 2k)

Double Dog Dare Ya (Explicit / 3k)

Dust Off Your Highest Hopes (Teen & Up / 9k)

Feel The Need (Explicit / 5k)

Folded Up All Pretty (Fit Into You) (Explicit / 6k)

Forever, Uninterrupted (Explicit / 9k)

Give and Take (Explicit / 2k)

Give It Up To Me (Explicit / 8k)

Glimpse Of The Silhouettes (Explicit / 7k)

Got It Right Such A Long Time Ago (Explicit / 10k)

Got My Eye On You (Explicit / 3k)

Handprints And Good Grips (Explicit / 3k)

Happy Valentine’s Day, You Cockroach (Not Rated / 2k)

Heart Beats Slow (I Wish You) (Explicit / 6k)

Heaven In These Sheets (Explicit / 4k)

Here In The Dark Is Where New Worlds Are Born (Explicit / 8k)

He Steps Out, The Crowds Lose Their Minds For Him (Mature / 3k)

Hook’s Intention (Explicit / 5k)

Hook You Up (Charm You Down) (Explicit / 10k)

How I Imagined Us (Mature / 8k)

I Drink The Honey Inside Of Your Hive (Not Rated / 7k)

If It Hurts To Breathe, Open The Window(Explicit / 4k)

I Knew It From The Start (Explicit / 5k)

I Lay Here Like A Petal From A Fallen Rose (Mature / 9k)

I’ll Be There (Explicit / 5k)

I’ll Light The Fire (Explicit / 8k)

I’m A Moon At Midnight (General Audiences / 4k)

I’m Broken, Do You Hear Me? (Explicit / 7k)

I’m What You Need, What You Need (Explicit / 10k)

Incalescent (Explicit / 6k)

In That Bright White Noise (Explicit / 5k)

Into It (Explicit / 9k)

It’s Paradise (Mature / 10k)

It’s Your Soul That I’m Caught In Yet You Don’t Hear Me Call Your Name (Mature / 4k)

Just A Trim (Explicit / 2k)

Just Fuck (Explicit / 6k)

Just Like Live Wires (Explicit / 5k)

Just Stop Your Crying (It’s a Sign of the Times) (Explicit / 6k)

Keep These Memories For Ourselves (Explicit / 10k)

Kiss It Better (Explicit / 8k)

Lagrangian Point (Explicit / 4k)

Leave It Up To Me (Teen & Up / 9k)

Let The Beating Waves Come Drag Me Down (Explicit / 9k)

Like An Animal (I Want To Feel You From The Inside) (Explicit / 4k)

Like You Hate Me (Explicit / 7k)

Lips Are Like The Galaxy’s Edge (Mature / 2k)

Long Nights, Hard Times (Explicit / 4k)

Louder Louder (Explicit / 3k)

Love To Make Him Moan (Explicit / 8k)

Maid In The A.M. (Explicit / 9k)

Make A Run, Cause Some Rebellion (Explicit / 9k)

Makes Perfect (Explicit / 9k)

Mange de la Merde et Meurs (A Love Story) (Mature / 4k)

Muffins & Cigarettes (Mature / 8k)

Night Out (Explicit / 10k)

Once Like A Spark (Explicit / 7k)

One Day Like This (Explicit / 2k)

One Day To Believe In You (Explicit / 8k)

One Track Mind (Explicit / 10k)

One Week, Eight Hours (Not Rated / 4k)

Only Reason (Not Rated / 5k)

Oops, I Like You (Explicit / 6k)

Our Blood Is Boiling (Explicit / 7k)

Outline Of My Sins (Explicit / 7k)

Painless With Immense Distance (Explicit / 4k)

Pinkies Never Lie: A Christmas Drabble (Explicit / 4k)

Poppies In May (Mature / 10k)

Power Inside (Explicit / 6k)

Precious Little Diamond (I’ll Give It All To You) (Explicit / 2k)

Put You On Repeat, Play You Everywhere I Go (Explicit / 8k)

Quietly Our Hearts Beat (Explicit / 8k)

Raised on Rhythm and Blues (Explicit / 8k)

Rated R (Explicit / 8k)

Read You Like A Book (Explicit / 8k)

Reckless (Explicit / 3k)

Roses In The Rain (Mature / 5k)

Say I Hate You But I Always Stay (Mature / 9k)

Second Time’s the Charm (Explicit / 8k)

Should Be, Meant To Be (Explicit / 9k)

Shouldn’t Cry (But I Love It) (Explicit / 7k)

Snow Sweet (this fic is a sequel to this) (Explicit / 7k)

Solve the Riddle (Explicit / 9k)

Something To Prove (Explicit / 9k)

Sometime Around Midnight (Mature / 4k)

Spark A New Flame (Explicit / 6k)

Spice Up Your Life (Explicit / 10k)

Spin Me Like A Record (Teen & Up / 9k)

Sugar Cube (Explicit / 5k)

Tell Me When You Hear My Heart Stop (Explicit / 3k)

That Ugly Ass Shirt Series (Explicit / 6-8k)

The Hope That Warbles In My Fluttering Breast (Explicit / 10k)

There’s Gasoline In Your Heart, There’s Fire In Mine (Mature / 9k)

There’s Magic In This Life (Explicit / 7k)

This Crown of Thorns (Mature / 5k)

This Is Where I Sleep (Explicit / 4k)

Through My Fingertips (this fic was deleted - ask for a PDF!) (Explicit / 5k)

Throw Me In The Deep End (Mature / 6k)

Tide’s Deathless Death (Explicit / 4k)

Tie You Up and Make Me Scream (Explicit / 2k)

Tissue-Thin Lies (General Audiences / 6k)

To Be A Fool (Explicit / 9k)

To Be A Muse May Be Enough (this fic was deleted - ask for a PDF!) (Explicit / 7k)

Under the Vanilla Sky (Explicit / 8k)

Unspoken (Explicit / 5k)

Untitled 69 (Explicit / 8k)

Waiting (Explicit / 8k)

Waiting On You: A Christmas Drabble (Teen & Up / 5k)

Walk Heavy On Delicate Ground (Explicit / 7k)

Wanna Do Nothing With You (Explicit / 10k)

Want It All The Time, Need It Every Day (Explicit / 6k)

Want Nobody Else Now (Only You Feel Right) (Explicit / 7k)

We Found Love (Right Where We Are) (General Audiences / 7k)

We’ve Got A Vicious Streak (Explicit / 4k)

We Wreak Havoc With Our Hearts (Explicit / 9k)

What’s Yours Is Mine (What’s Mine Is Ours) (Explicit / 3k)

Where Is Your Boy Tonight (I Hope He Is A Gentleman) (General Audiences / 4k)

With All My Surrendered Hearts (Mature / 5k)

You Drive Me Wild (You Know You Do) (Explicit / 7k)

You Got Me Shakin’ (Mature / 5k)

You’re the Key (Teen & Up / 6k)

You’re Too Short But The Tattoos Are Real (General Audiences / 3k)

You’ve Done Nothing At All To Make Me Love You Less (Not Rated / 4k)

5,000 Miles (Explicit / 8k)

Other fic rec requests thathave been fulfilled are here.

[juicy-cookie]

Through The Valley - Chapter 17

AO3 Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10075958/chapters/28939707

Tags: @luke-vaughn @embracetheapocalypsewithme @kinkozan @lupienne @theblack-wolf @lovingzombiechaos @jmackie1983 @dragonracer @miiraal

Pairing: Negan X OFC

Chapter Summary: Walking through the Valley

A big thanks to @originalwinchestervamp for having a look at this chapter and giving me feedback!

Chapter Warnings: Angst, Mention of rape

Word Count: 4880

Just one more.

The phrase seemed to be some kind of mantra these days.

Just one more sip.

Just one more bite.

Just one more step.

Lilly had felt like a helpless little baby ever since she got back to Sanctuary. First, people had insisted on her hydrating enough. When she had managed to drink a little water from a straw, they had turned to her eating. When she had been able to eat a whole plate of mushy potatoes and peas, they had thrown her out of bed and forced her to walk up and down the hallway, holding on to either Jax or Seth for support, with Laura cheering her on.

Fisher had made it clear that breathing and walking exercises were important for her recovery. Apparently, broken ribs could otherwise lead to pneumonia, which in turn was of course a worst-case scenario during the apocalypse.

So she walked. And ate. And drank disgusting herbal tea. When all she wanted was to crawl into bed, lick her not-so-proverbial wounds and preferably stay there until the next winter was over. But Jax had made it clear that this was not an option and the rest of her friends had been quick to agree with him. Sadistic assholes, the whole lot of them.

There were some upsides in the long weeks during which she tried to get back on her feet. One was her room on the lieutenant’s floor, which had been left untouched during her time at the outpost for some reason. It was a blessing that she still had a place of her own, even if it meant that she had to slowly and painfully climb all the steps up to the fifth floor whenever she dared to leave the Tower. Jax, ever the optimist, had remarked that the stairs were a great additional exercise. Lilly had nearly clocked him in the face with her thermos full of tea.

The other reason she hadn’t resorted to hiding in her room and never come out again, was that Negan had been blissfully, if not suspiciously, absent during her recovery. Carson and the lieutenants were running the Sanctuary in absentia, only asking him for his opinion or advice for very important decisions and otherwise leaving him to do what Lilly had wanted to do all along, which was hide in his room.

Rumor had it that he was going through at least three bottles of liquor a week.

Lilly didn’t care.

At least that was what she told herself over and over again. And it’s what she told all the others that came to her with some variation of “Did you hear that Negan…”.

“I don’t care,” she said and first limped and then, after a couple of weeks, walked away.

Another mantra, adding to the first one. Somehow, the two phrases became connected more and more, as Lilly told herself “Just one more day.” over and over again, trying to delay the inevitable conversation she would have to have with Negan eventually.

Telling herself “I don’t care.” over and over again whenever she felt a pang of concern as she got better and he got worse if Dwight’s consistent complaining could be believed.

Her idontcares nearly stopped when people started flocking to her for advice and guidance as soon as her external injuries had become unnoticeable. She was home. She was healthy. She was a lieutenant, as far as the Saviors were concerned.

Lilly didn’t mind helping to resolve points quarrels and help with schedules. But one day, Andrei sat down next to her on the rec room couch with a piece of paper and a grim face and Lilly knew that the day had come that she had to stop her mantras and climb up to the lion’s den.

“That looks awfully short.” She held out a hand to Andrei and skimmed through the latest list of supplies the Hilltop had offered as tribute.

“It’s been that way for the last three months. They say they don’t have any more to give, but Rob is sure they’re hoarding for winter.”

“If it’s been light before, surely you’ve already talked to Negan about it?”

“More or less. Carson’s said that he wants the western outpost to deal with it on their own.”

“Well, then let them do it. I mean, it’s not like Rob and the others at the western outpost are going to kill someone because of a light tribute, right?”

Andrei grimaced. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that. The Hilltop’s runners have become cocky and Rob really fucking hates Gregory.”

“Can’t blame him,” Lilly mumbled while looking over the list again.

“Can you talk to Negan? Ask him again what to do? I gotta drop this shit off at the other outposts and I won’t be back for about two weeks, but when I get back here, I really need a decision.”

Lilly sighed. There really was no use in delaying this any further. “Yeah, I’ll talk to him. In the meantime, tell Rob that the order still stands. Tell them to deal with it. And remind them all that our leader is a sucker for rules.”

“Okay. Thanks Lil. Oh and please remind Jax that we need to meet at the western outpost soon. Now that you’re back to full strength, we really gotta repair those panels before the first snow hits.”

“Mmh-hmm.” She nodded absent-mindedly while Andrei got up to leave. Barely registering his goodbyes, she kept staring into the distance and thought about the task at hand, before she stood and walked out of the cafeteria.

Standing at the base of the concrete steps that led all the way up to the Penthouse, Lilly felt the Tower looming over her like something out of a Tolkien story. She hoped that she would manage to even make it all the way up. Despite being almost fully recovered, she still got out of breath very easily. Her reluctance to face whatever was waiting for her at the top of these stairs didn’t exactly help her to regain her lost stamina.

But it was no use to fret over still-tender ribs, nor over her current relationship with the inhabitant of the Penthouse. There were things they had to deal with and so she took the first step and then another and another. Just one more floor. And then another. Just one more staircase. Her ribs hurt. “I don’t care.” Would he become angry at the sight of her? Would she? “I don’t care.” What if he was too drunk to talk? “I don’t care.” Just one more step.

A deep breath, a knock, a grunt and Lilly was inside the lion’s den. It almost smelled like one, too. She wrinkled her nose and tried to adjust to the twilight created by drawn curtains and a cold fireplace. Her first instinct was to open the windows, start a fire and then run to the huddled figure sitting at the coffee table filled with empty bottles and dirty plates, hug him and tell him that everything would be alright.

I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.

She carefully crossed the room and opened one curtain to let in at least a little bit of the last light of the ending day and positioned herself behind the second, unoccupied armchair, preferring to stand so as not to accidentally sit on something gross.

The figure squinted and almost looked like it was about to hiss dramatically from the sudden onslaught to their retinas. The scene would have been funny if Lilly hadn’t been acutely aware of one of her mantras crumbling to pieces at the sight of her leader in this concerning state.

Obviously, she did care after all. He looked awful. He had lost weight and yet still looked bloated, at least from what she could see underneath the scraggly beard. His hair, which was usually slicked back, black and shiny, desperately needed a wash and a trim. He obviously didn’t bother with putting on pants anymore, but beat the cold with a ragged and dirty old blanket and copious amounts of alcohol, judging from the empty bottles littering the table and the almost empty one in his hand.

“Oh Negan…”

He took a long, hard look at her before his face finally lit up in recognition. “Oh hey! Look who found her fucking way to my humble abode. Come here, sit down! How you been, babe? How are you?”

Lilly slowly crept around the armchair and sat down on the armrest. His airy, cheerful manner worried her. “I’m okay. Andrei sent me, actually. He wants to know how to proceed with the Hilltop and-”

“Whoah whoah whoah! Hold the fuck on Lil! We haven’t seen each other in… actually I have no fucking clue how long it’s been. Anyway… let’s talk business later and something fun first, instead, huh? Some catching up?” His speech was slurred and he had obvious troubles focusing. Lilly warily watched his hand, gesturing wildly while holding on to the bottle. A shadow of anger had placed itself over her heart, where concern had been before.

He didn’t even know how long he had spent up here, moping and apparently drinking himself half to death, while his people struggled to prepare the compound for winter, including dealing with mutinous communities.

“I’m not here for fun, Negan.”

“Then why the fuck are you here, Lil?” Lilly hadn’t even noticed when his demeanor had changed. He suddenly seemed more steady in every possible way. “Why did you personally climb all the fucking way up here with still fucked-up ribs? Don’t deny it… I could hear you wheezing all the way from the last two floors. Why did you come to discuss Rob’s and Andrei’s fucking incompetence, when you could have just sent Carson to deal with it?”

Her jaw hung open for a moment. She felt so stupid. How could she underestimate him like that? Of course his brooding didn’t mean that he didn’t know what was going on at the Sanctuary anymore. He might not show his face, but he still held all the strings, including the one to her heart. He could see right through her.

“You’re right. I wanted to check on you. See how you are.��� He gave her a hopeful smile. “And I wanted to ask when you want me gone?” His face fell again. She almost felt bad. But she needed to know where they stood.

“Gone? What the fuck do you mean, gone?”

“Well, I’m pretty much recovered. Just a bit sore, still, but almost good as new. So I wanted to discuss my departure with you. When do you want me back at the outpost?”

“You have got to be fucking shitting me, Lilly. The fucking outpost? You’re not going anywhere. If I knew you wouldn’t fucking castrate me, I’d never let you set one fucking toe beyond the fence ever again.”

“So what? I’m your prisoner now?” She couldn’t suppress the temper flaring up inside of her.

“No! Shit.” Negan pinched his nose and clenched his eyes shut for a moment. “Look, you can go wherever you want, of course. What I was trying to say was, I want you to stay here. This is your home-”

“Oh, that’s funny. Because I distinctly remember telling you exactly that while pleading for you not to send me away…”

“And I’m fucking sorry, okay? I told you before, Lil. I’m fucking sorry. Apologize is all I can fucking do right now until you let me prove to you that I won’t fuck up like that again. I mean, at least in that department. I can’t possibly promise you that I’ll never make any mistakes ever again. You know my insensitive ass…”

That almost made her chuckle, but her body decided to turn it into a sob at the last moment and she had to fight hard against the tears. She really wasn’t much of a crier usually, but the past months had reduced her to a tender ball of emotions. Negan leaned forward, but didn’t quite dare to touch her yet, offering her his bottle instead.

“Here, have a sip.”

“No, thank you.”

“Suit yourself,” he said, shrugged and put the bottle to his lips.

Lilly was on her knees in front of him so fast that her ribs screamed in protest. That didn’t keep her from snatching the whiskey out of his hands. His mouth still open, he frowned at her for a moment. Lilly was quick to start talking before he could protest.

“Enough, Negan. They need you back down there. And I need you, too. If I stay here, I can’t do this on my own. You know I’m not a leader. But you are. And a damn good one, when you’re not busy exiling your lieutenants, or getting drunk off your ass.” She offered him a tentative smile, but it seemed like there was only one thing that got through to him.

“You… you need me?”

She took his hands and nodded, not caring about giving so much of herself this time, nor about the tears that now spilled freely from her eyes. She didn’t know how she ended up in his lap, or when he had started crying into the crook of her neck. She certainly hadn’t planned for this when she had finally decided to face him earlier.

She didn’t know how she had managed to maneuver them both into his bed, either, but here she was, holding him still, with fear and doubts and love in her heart. She told herself that she would stay just one more minute, to make sure he’d be asleep and alright. But his bed was big and soft and warm and so was he as he held her tight and his heartbeat and his steady breath in her hair lulled her into a deep and long sleep.

Waking up was a slow process. The light spilling in from the one uncurtained window told Lilly that it was morning, but her body and mind refused to accept that. She even noticed that she was alone in bed, but it was too comfortable and she was too sleepy to worry about it. The sounds coming from Negan’s bathroom told her that he would be back soon, anyway. He had even lit the fireplace and she couldn’t help but take advantage of the warmth and size of the bed and stretch out luxuriously.

After a couple of minutes and with Lilly now fully awake, the rummaging in the bathroom stopped and the door opened. She closed her eyes and pretended to still be asleep. To be honest, now that her mind functioned properly, she felt quite nervous about being in Negan’s bed, especially after what had happened in the previous weeks and of course after last night’s confessions.

Lilly’s heart threatened to burst from her chest by the time she felt him climbing back into bed beside her. A small part of her feared that he might throw her out now that he had slept and sobered up. A much bigger part of her was surprised that the thought bothered her so much. It was probably time to finally be honest with herself, she thought as he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close to him.

She turned slightly to bury her nose in his chest and the space around her filled with the smell of soap and peppermint toothpaste. As he sighed contentedly, she snuck a hand up and over his shoulders to his face.

“Did you shave?” Lilly leaned back and regarded him with a slight frown.

“Yeah.” Negan gave her a half grin and rubbed his now smooth chin. “Felt like a fucking hobo when I looked in the mirror this morning.”

“I kinda liked it. Gave you a rugged, sexy lumberjack appearance.”

“Aww, man… Why didn’t you say something?”

“What was I supposed to say?” she laughed.

“How about ‘Hey Negan, that beard is sexy as fuck and makes me want to touch myself, don’t shave it off!’”

Lilly was overwhelmed by a fit of giggles and so it took her a moment before she realized that he was stroking her hip with his thumb and looking at her in a way she couldn’t quite place. What she did realize immediately, though, was when he leaned in while simultaneously closing his eyes and she put her hand on his chest to keep him from kissing her.

“I can’t. Not yet,” she whispered, “I’m sorry, Negan, I really am. I just… I want to, I really do, but…” As much as it hurt her to reject him, she had just a couple of minutes ago decided to finally be honest with herself. She wanted to be whole. For herself and for him, too. And right now she wasn’t. Not by a long shot. The physical healing process might have been over, but the emotional wounds from her attack were far from gone.

“Hey, it’s okay. I understand.” He pulled her towards him again and whispered into her hair, softly stroking her back. “You never told me what exactly happened at the outpost. Those two fuckers… did they…”

“No.” She clutched his white t-shirt and focused on the wrinkles it created only inches from her face. “They didn’t get that far.”

“Andrei said you put up quite a fight.”

“I guess. Wasn’t much I could do besides kicking and screaming.”

“I’m so fucking sorry, Lilly. Jax told me that you were having a hard time-”

“Don’t! Please… just… You already apologized last night. And it’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay, not entirely. I’m still angry. Or I guess I still am. Ugh…!” Lilly groaned in frustration, let go of Negan and sat up. “That’s the reason I can’t do this…” She gestured between herself and Negan, who had laid back on his back, his arms behind his head. “At least not right now. There’s still so much I have to figure out.”

He brought one arm back down and stroked her back. “Don’t you fucking worry about that right now. I mean, we’ve waited this long, right? Couple of days more or less won’t make my fucking balls explode.” She looked at him over her shoulder and he winked at her, causing her to chuckle again. “I mean, shit… I’m just fucking happy we’re talking again. I even got you into my fucking bed somehow. Even if we didn’t break it in yet.”

“I just want things to get back to normal first. Do you think we can do that?”

“Yeah, sure. Well, at least as fucking normal as things can get with humanity being almost entirely replaced by flesh-eating fucking undead fuckers.”

“Huh, yeah. It’s weird how I keep forgetting about that with all the drama going on. Thank you, by the way. For not giving my room away.”

“You’re welcome. Listen, I don’t even know why I did all this shit. I guess there was this small voice inside my head that told me that you got too close. But that voice has been dealt with. Though do me a fucking favor and stay the fuck away from Sherry now that you’re back here, alright?”

“Trust me, I have no desire whatsoever to interact with her in any way.” She frowned slightly. It wasn’t the first time that she was wondering why Sherry was still around. After all, Negan knew that she had tried to get rid of Lilly. It was as if he could read her mind.

“Look, I know what she did was fucked up. And if I could, I’d get rid of her like that.” He snapped his fingers. “But you know how much of an emotional hard-on Dwight still has for that bitch and as much as I hate the ugly fucker, he’s a good lieutenant, and there are a lot of people at Sanctuary who like and follow him. People hate me enough for what I did to you, I can’t fucking upset Dwight, too. At least not right now. He and Sherry might just have a fucking accident some time in the distant future.”

Negan looked into the distance, smiling darkly to himself.

“Stop it. I don’t like it when you’re all bloodthirsty.” But it seemed like Negan was barely paying attention to her.

“You’d be bloodthirsty, too, if some asshole hurt the person you love. Good thing you’re back to keep me and Lucille in check.” He grinned at her. Lilly gaped at him. Did she hear him right just now?

But before she could ask him about the L-bomb he had just dropped, Negan got up and walked to his drawer to put on a pair of jeans.

“Well, as much as I enjoy this fucking cuddling session… I really gotta clean up this shithole and then get my sexy ass downstairs. Gotta show those fuckers that daddy’s back. Unless you changed your mind and decided that my dick might help you overcome your fucking trauma after all?” He wiggled his eyebrows at her, which caused her to chuckle again.

“Overcoming trauma first, dick later. Deal?”

“Fair enough. Do me a fucking favor and find Carson. Tell him to schedule a meeting. I wanna make a round of the outposts as soon as Jax has repaired those panels.”

“Yes, Sir!” Lilly mock-saluted and made her way to the door while Negan mumbled something about “A fucking tease” behind her.

“Oh hey…” She turned around again. “I just remembered. You told me you used to be a gym teacher, right?”

“Yeah, so?”

“Well, I was thinking… I really need to get back into shape. Maybe you could coach me? Show me what to do to get my strength and stamina back?”

He stared at her with a raised eyebrow for a moment before chuckling. “You tell me we ain’t gonna fuck any time soon and now you want me to give you private lessons that involves our sweaty bodies touching each other on a regular fucking basis? What is it with you and your fucking compulsion to giving me blue balls, babe?”

“Oh shit. Yeah. Probably not a good idea. Do you think I can ask Seth? He works out a lot, right?”

“What? Fuck that! I didn’t say no. Especially since I need the fucking workout myself. Have let myself go long enough and I feel fucking disgusting. I just wanna warn you so you don’t freak out when I run around with a fucking chubby twenty-four-seven. Which I would probably do anyway from now on, even without us wrestling on a gym mat.” He grinned at her and she blushed. “Anyway, we’ll meet in the gym every morning, 9 am sharp. Talk to Fisher today and ask him what you can and can’t do. Don’t want you to break anything while doing squats. Don’t overeat at breakfast, wear something comfortable and no fucking whining!”

“Holy crap, you really are a gym teacher.”

“You fucking know it, baby. Now go find Carson.”

“Yes, Coach Negan.”

When he came down the stairs to the cafeteria later for their meeting, the difference to last night was staggering. His leather jacket hid the weight loss, he had received a haircut and none of his demeanor betrayed the state he had been in only twenty-four hours earlier. He was all grins and swagger and confidence with Lucille on his shoulder and a wink in Lilly’s direction before he sat down at the head of the table and addressed his lieutenants.

Lilly’s feelings had changed, too. She was still weary and she knew that it would take some time to feel fully comfortable around him again. But their night together had convinced her that he really was sorry. Something Jax agreed on when they sat together in his room after Lilly had been dismissed from the meeting.

“Told you he loves you,” Jax said with a smug grin. They had made themselves comfortable on his bed.

“Who would have thought…,” Lilly mumbled absentmindedly into her tea cup. “I still don’t know if I can do this.”

“Why not, Lil? You’ve been through so much shit lately. You deserve a bit of happiness.”

“And you think I could find that with Negan?”

“Yeah. Eventually. You’re not some naive little girl that just runs into something like this without thinking. If someone’s able to rein him in a bit and call him out on his bullshit, it’s you. And he’s showed you that he cares about you. Backpedaled on his decision of exiling you. Got rid of the wives. Sat with you all through that first night. And when you told him that you need some space he kept his distance, right?”

“Yeah, he did. Though it was not so much me asking him to keep his distance, but me telling him to fuck off.”

“Well, you always had a way with words.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For always having my back, no matter what. For helping me get back back on my feet. For ripping Negan a new asshole for what he did. Connor told me. Where is he, anyway?”

“Keeping up his self-imposed mask of masculinity at poker night. And you’re welcome. You and me until the end, right?”

“Right.” She smiled at him. “Andrei wanted me to remind you of the panels at the western outpost.”

“Yeah, probably some of the wiring that came off. Shouldn’t be too complicated. Did he say when he wants to go there?”

“He’s busy the next couple of weeks I think. But he said he wants to do it before winter.”

“I can just go there on my own. Or I could take Gavin.”

“No, wait until Andrei has the time to go with you. I don’t want you out there on your own. But do take Gavin when the time comes. Kid needs some fresh air. Keep an eye on him, though. You know how much he likes provoking people and Rob is apparently even more of an asshole than usual, what with the Hilltop falling behind on tributes. And wear your fucking helmet when you go there. I can’t believe I still have to remind you of this shit.”

“Yes, ma’am! Jeez, look who finally bounced back!”

“I realized in the last couple of days that ordering people around helps distract me. Makes me feel better somehow.”

“It’s only natural. Those assholes bound you, hurt you and tried to… you know…”

“Rape me. Let’s just say it like it is.”

“Okay. My point is, they made you feel powerless. And now you’re finally gaining some of that power back, by being a lieutenant again, telling people what to do.”

“Maybe. Just please do me a favor and tell me if I’m overdoing it, okay? I don’t want any more people to start to hate me.”

“Will do.”

Negan and Lilly fell back into a routine that they had almost forgotten. It was awkward at first, but with time and practice, things went back to how they used to be. The joking, flirting and touching even increased without any of them noticing. With Lilly healing by talking to Jax, Laura and even Negan about what had happened, the darkness in her heart vanished, to be replaced by contentedness. Soon enough, she felt the familiar butterflies again anytime she so much as thought about her leader. The times with him in the gym didn’t exactly help with that.

“Aaaaand twenty. Come on down.”

Lilly groaned and relaxed her arm muscles after her last pull-up, only to hang from the bar like a wet potato sack. She didn’t want to jump down. It still hurt her ribs.

“A little help here?”

Negan showed up in her periphery and stood in front of her, grinning up. “What was that?”

“Come on, you know I’m not supposed to jump. Please, Negan!” she whined through clenched teeth.

Negan chuckled and wrapped his arms around her waist. When he had secured her, she let go of the bar and put her hands on his biceps. After a couple of weeks of them working out together, he was now even more muscular than before. Negan let her slowly slide down his body until her eyes were level with his. Leaning his forehead on hers, he licked his lips. She could feel his breath on her face and by the time her feet hit the ground, they were both panting.

“So, uh… how are things coming along on the trauma front?” His voice was low as one hand came to rest on Lilly’s cheek.

“Good,” she whispered and then cleared her throat, taking a step back. “I really appreciate this, you know? Giving me time. And helping me getting my strength back.”

“Anytime babe. Just waiting for you to give me a signal. Tell me when those ribs don’t hurt anymore from any kind of impact, alright?”

The look he gave her held a world full of promises. He turned and left Lilly standing alone in the gym, feeling her whole body flush from longing and excitement. She'd had enough. Tomorrow she'd gather all her courage and make a move on him.

Just one more night.

[zevri]

My friends, today i encountered a time traveler from the year 2006

This girl came up to me and commented on a comic I was buying and I was like “oh u read it too??” and she was like “yeah” and we started talking about manga and stuff and she was like giving me recs lol and I was like “haha cool” cos I was trying to be nice cos u know I always wanted to be able to just start talking to ppl too and she seemed p young anyway (I later find out she is almost 20 goddamn years old).

The first warning sign was her taste in manga....she loved romance manga she said but was definitely not into the new kase-san vol i was getting so i was like lol a straightie, but I didn't realize the extent of this yet. what she did like was “romance” manga that glorifies sexual assault, so theres red flag number one but still i was like “Well shes clearly young, maybe she’s still into that kind of thing.”

2nd warning sign came in the form of her saying “I basically treat this place as a library, but I read a lot online too.” Manga cows and scanlations, in the year 2017? Odd, but not unheard of for younger people I suppose; we were all like that once after all. 

But after her recs, she starts talking about her love for death note. “ah yes, nostalgia” i thought, as she talks about it as if its still airing... her L cosplay, for which she practiced for two months to get his mannerisms right.”maybe shes just a really big fan. i know how that is,” i thought. ...and how much she HATES misa for “being stupid” and how the only thing she had going for her was her looks which, as she said, “will fade.” there it was, the first true indication I was talking to a time traveler. People still think this way about female characters in 2017????

the conversation moved on. I ask if shes into haikyuu since its popular, i like it, and i figure most otaku at least know about it. i gestured to the books on the shelf next to us. her response, which was said in complete sincerity: “I’m not that into poetry.” I laugh, because i thought she was making a joke. she was completely straight faced. she thought i asked out of nowhere if she was into haiku. i was too taken aback and confused to correct her or say anything, in fact my brain initially processed her response as “i’m not that into sports manga” bc 1.) fair and 2.) makes sense. It was at that point my soul was torn from my body, but we’re not done.

She mentions FMA and i was like “finally, some good taste!” but no, what she had to say about it was that its “too hard to follow.” I say its one of my all time faves, and she backpedals by saying “i’m not a very science-minded person haha.” Earlier in the conversation when I asked if she was in school she informed me she tried to study to be a vet tech for awhile but it didn’t work out. Things started becoming clearer to me, including the trajectory of this person’s life.

conversation moves on. somehow shes telling me about how her younger brother is nicknamed yuri but, haha, “i prefer yaoi.” yaoi yuri and normal. indication #2 we arent in 2017 anymore. i gave a weak “haha” in return, and she mentioned her enjoyment of drarry or some other HP pairing and i was like “ah, when it comes to m/m i’ve always been more of a james/sirius person” cos like, ok i can at least try to be relatable, right?? wrong. 

She asks, “have you ever read fem!Harry/Sirius??” and I’m taken aback once again because the very mention of a ship like that on here would get you put on several bad people lists. She talks about how in this fic harry is “actually really badass” as compared to other female HP characters I assume, and how she ends up with Draco in this AU too. I didn’t think this kind of fic was being written, let alone read, after the year 2009. I become more convinced this girl is not from the current time. I just say “haha yeah i never really got into that kind of fic.” 

on the subject of fic, she talked about how she sometimes reads ~lemons~. I havent heard that name in 80 years. And how she was a “total virgin” before reading lemons. I’m disturbed that a complete stranger is telling me about her sexual history. she continues to talk about her yaoi fic and indicating that it makes her both squee, drool, and cream herself when two boys kiss in fanfictions. I’m 85% convinced she’s not from this time. We’re beyond that, aren’t we???? I want to explain fetishization of gay men, internalized misogyny, all of these things to her, but i refrain. 

subjects change to other anime, ends up on inuyasha. Another point where i think “ah, childhood anime.” And it was for her too, she said - but she kept talking about it, again as if it was the Hot New Thing. At this point, I was 100% convinced that I was speaking to a time traveler. She tells me about how much she loves Sesshomaru and Sessh/Rin, but hates inuyasha/kagome. She makes sure I know the English Dub Sucks, especially bc one of the voice actresses in it also voices barbie (of Barbie Doll fame). I said that was really cool, but she didn’t seem to think so. 

She tells me her theories about the series, how she could spend hours debating the subject of Kagome and reincarnation that can mostly be explained by “takahashi can only draw 4 characters.” She talks about how she had a crush on Naraku, and how she in general likes “super strong guys that aren’t too muscly, they have to be trim.” The physiques of every single male character I want to bone down with flash through my mind, and I keep my mouth shut. 

The conversation comes to a close, and she’s the one who ends it, saying she should let me get to my reading. I say “haha yeah” and say I have a skype date to get to with my gf. We shook hands, and said it was nice to meet each other. I turn to go to the counter pay for my things, still reeling from the encounter with a time traveling otaku; my apparent deep dive into a pocket of time stuck ten years in the past. 

The only thing remaining in my head is the sentence “I’m not that into poetry” repeating again and again and again. 

[mygaledoll]

i was tagged by my actual sister liz aka @astraera  to do this 92 truths game

im tagging @necromancx @heythere-cecil @sakurapooll @palmetostate

LAST… [1] drink: coffee [2] phone call: my mum [3] text message: @necromancx [4] song you listened to: way down we go by kaleo [5] time you cried: this thursday when i saw logan

HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: no [7] been cheated on: no [8] kissed someone and regretted it: god yes [9] lost someone special: in a way [10] been depressed: yes [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: yes

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] grey [13] black [14] old rose or beige/brown colours

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: yes c: [16] fallen out of love: no (i was never in love in the first place) [17] laughed until you cried: yes, i cry while laughing all the time [18] found out someone was talking about you: yes  [19] met someone who changed you: in a way yes [20] found out who your true friends are: yes even though it’s harsh to see people who you thought got your back distance themselves from you [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: yeah ??

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: almost all of them except for a few twitter/tumblr friends [23] do you have any pets: one asshole of a cat [24] do you want to change your name: is this even a question???  [25] what did you do for your last birthday: it was a regular day at school, but then i had a birthday “party” with some friends which was a complete flop [26] what time did you wake up: 9:00 [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: i was writing a kylux fanfic because i’m sinnful trash [28] name something you cannot wait for: to be done with school leaving exams tbh and to get hrt :))) :) [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: a few hours ago [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: lots of things, namely my appearance though, maybe to stop being lazy and stuff [31] what are you listening to right now: hamilton musical [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes [33] something that is getting on your nerves: ugh besides the obvious, like global warming and, racism and transphobia, getting cat hair on my dark clothes is pretty annoying [34] most visited website: twitter/tumblr/pinterest [35] elementary: what this mean???? [36] high school: ?? yeah?? i attend one??? i guess? [37] college: i got into a few that i applied to but idk if i’ll attend them because i might do art post-hight school course for a year and re-apply to edinburgh and glasgow next year where i wanna go [38] hair colour: my natural hair colour is brown but i’ve been dying them since i was 14 basically and had red, dark purple, red again, black, blond, dusty blond, pink, brown, blond, pink again, pink with brown sides, blond, ginger, dark brown and now i have pink/purple/tiny bit of blue hair [39] long or short hair: short with a long ass fringe that needs a trim [40] do you have a crush on someone: andrew garfield, always... but idk? maybe? [41] what do you like about yourself? i like that i’m ambitious, my weird sense of humour, rational but tend to daydream and have a pretty good imagination at the same time and that i have a pretty wide knowledge of pop culture.. but that’s about it [42] piercings: i have a septum piercing but i want a lip ring in the future maybe [43]blood type: i have no clue [44] nickname: teddy (thanks riv, you fuck) [45] relationship status: single  [46] zodiac sign: virgo, bitch [47] pronouns: he/him [48] fav tv show: parks & rec, criminal minds, in the flesh, bob’s burgers [49] tattoos: i want so many holy fuck, but i don’t have the money rn [50] right or left handed: right

FIRST… [51] surgery: they did something with my kidneys when i was a kid and then i had a leg surgery at 9 [52] piercing: i got my septum pierced this summer, unless you cound ear piercings [53] best friend: my pal veronica @felicium , and then i have like 3 very close friends who i consider my best friends as well [54] sport: gymnastics [55] vacation: italy [56] pair of trainers: i had these rly cool yellow sneakers with velcro, they were very aesthetic

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: nothing, but i’m about to get some snack [58] drinking: water [59] i’m about to: probably watch bob’s burgers and then read or write [60] listening to: I'm watching ETC’s weekly weird news on youtube [61] waiting for: idk nothing [62] want: time, clear skin, infinite money and knowledge [63] get married: some day maybe [64] career: student

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: both, but tbh i want a heated make out session now more [66] lips or eyes: eyes [67] shorter or taller: either is cool, unless ur like freakishly tall [68] older or younger: i prefer older, but not too much ofc [69] romantic or spontaneous: both [70] nice arms or nice stomach: armsss [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive [72] hook up or relationship: relationship [73] troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker but not too reckless or when you hurt people

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? i wish [75] drank hard liquor? yes [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? a contact lense fell out of my eye once during a comic convention lol [77] turned someone down? yes, but they didn’t take my politeness and no and i ended up in a toxic relationship because i was too awkward to insist [78] sex on first date? no [79] broken someone’s heart? as far as i know, no [80] had your own heart broken? i’d need a heart for that in the first place [81] been arrested? no [82] cried when someone died? yes, but i only cried for fictional characters’ deaths [83] fallen for a friend? yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? sometimes [85] miracles? just very lucky coincidences [86] love at first sight? as in “you’re so hot i’d fuck you for days” love at first sight? because then yes. but idk i might believe in the romantic one one day too. [87] santa claus? no [88] kiss on the first date? uh yeah obviously [89] angels? nope

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: veronica  [91] eye colour: greenish brown, sometimes honey  [92] favourite movie: Pride (besides marvel/hp/star wars movies)

[f1uffy-turtle]

Fanfic Writer Asks

[SOURCE: criminal-minds-fanfiction: Most of the writer ask posts I come across are only like ten or so questions long so I thought I’d try to make a longer one because we like talking about our writing! Feel free to reblog!]

I got this from @wickedobsessed101 and copied and pasted the questions so I can fit my own answers too. You can find the post I got from them here.

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction? I started around 2011, so I was around 13 years old at the time.

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one? I am currently writing for The Owl House fandom, but I am intending on broadening my scope to She-Ra as well as Lord of the Rings, Zelda, and ATLA bc gay fantasy brain go brrr.

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer. I prefer to write original characters myself. Y/N stuff is not exactly my forte. It gives me more control as to how I know the characters will act depending on their own characterization and backstory.

4) What is your favourite genre to write for? I actually really prefer to write really tense stuff, despite my misleading username. I live for the conflict of the moment and it does lean into some pretty angsty stuff sometimes. I mean, look at Soul Bound. However, I also do like writing light-hearted comedies as well as some fluff whenever I can get around to it. My heart yearns and so too must the romantic tension.

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi-chaptered stories, which would it be and why? I really only have one that is published, but it is definitely the one that I do like the most. Soul Bound was originally a story that was going to stand on its own. It was set in a world that I created meticulously from the ground up, taking inspirations from Lord of the Rings, Legend of Zelda, ATLA among other things. I do have other multi-chapter projects in the works that I absolutely love, however out of my published babies, it's SB 100%.

6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why? The Legion of Lenny Faces was a crack fic that I just posted for funsies. I wouldn't mind getting rid of that.

7) When is your preferred time to write? Since I am starting to work again, I'm thinking about starting work on my writing around 2PM. It's normally around that time that I start anyway, so it works out.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from? Movies, music, sometimes even my own songs that I write. Inspiration really comes from anywhere that hits me. However, it hits especially hard whenever I make a playlist for a particular mood that I want a story to have.

9) In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote? In Soul Bound, my current favorite scene that I have written was the scene in the chapter Confrontations with the scene between Amity and Odalia. I essentially channeled everything I ever wanted to say to my abuser into Amity's words and it was the most cathartic thing that I ever wrote.

10) In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?In The Bean that I wrote for April Fools, while it definitely is a crack fic, I still wanted it to read like an Owl House episode or at least an Owl House short. However, I did think of an alternate ending in mind where the bean just kept on multiplying until it flooded the entirety of the BI. However, That would mean by those rules, duplicating all non-living things on the isles.

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it? I split an entire chapter into two pieces and rewrote another one just because of criticisms that made complete sense to me. In all honesty, I did blame the burnout, however all of that and the small break I did take helped a lot to reinvigorate my love for this story that I am writing.

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why? Skara. 100%, she is babey and I love her.

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why? Gonna be honest, while I love King as a character, I don't exactly like writing him. I feel like if I wrote him as more of an active part of the story, it would detract entirely from the whole thing. Second would be my OC, Robert Almade solely because I feel like he can be much more fleshed out, but also because there are parts of his character that I did write that just don't make complete sense to me. This should be worked out later.

14) How did you come up with the title for the xxx? - You can ask about multiple stories. For Soul Bound, I literally asked a Discord server for ideas because all the titles I did think of were shit XD. However, I recently came up with the title for my Skarlow punk band AU, Skara and the Wallflower, based on the book/movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower as well as band names in general.

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names? I normally think about the themes the character embodies and how they may change and grow throughout the story, and then I translate specific keywords into different languages and trim them in a way that sound like a name.

16) How did you come up with the idea for xxx?[Ask me about a specific story]

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.“Oh, sure! Protect me from him, but let Amity take the brunt of it and possibly die? What if she is dead, Eda? What if I can’t see her again?”

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them? I'd rather not talk about it.

19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to? Possibly I may have one for Skara and the Wallflower if I feel up to it, however Soul Bound is going to be a one-and-done deal.

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently? Yes!

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire? @lunanight2012 @quirkquartz @descendantofthesparrow

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it? Any story that I haven't published.

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence? I do listen to music just to set in the general mood and once I get going, I can go either with or without it.

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes? I can write smut. However I don't ever feel comfortable publishing smut. It really just isn't for me.

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story? YES! I ABSOLUTELY HAVE!!!! SO MANY TEARS BECAUSE OF THE ANGST!!!

26) Which part of your xxx fic was the hardest to write? This most recent chapter was actually the hardest to write because I was already so scared when writing Scrying of the Soul that when I started writing this one, I didn't know how to settle down with this whole thing. I knew Luz needed to process her trauma before I introduced the ghost, but exactly how I felt like I had trouble with.

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow? I have a varied mix of ways I outline. Yes, I do have a list of bullet points about what major plot points go where, but really that's all that comes together before I start writing. Soul Bound is completely plotted out in the very broad strokes, but the rest is just improvisation.

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction? That writing would be the single most fun thing that I have ever done and to be fair while I do want my stories to be the best they can be, just the fact that I'm getting them out there makes me happy.

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like? Gonna be honest, my one-shots don't get a lot of love, but it is entirely understandable.

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at? Ya know, Imma just say a song title that I wrote that many people love that I've grown to just not like. Ticking Time Away.

31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec, not the answerer)Yeah, sure!

32) Are any of your characters based on real people? The way I characterize Odalia is based on a mix of what is already established. That and a heavy doseage of my abuser and their mindset. Which is kind of why it felt cathardic writing that scene in Conflicts.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten? Honestly, whenever I make a revision and it is heavily praised by either a reader if I edited an already published chapter or a beta reader if I had revised a particular scene they didn't like. I thrive off of any good critique and it makes me want to do better.

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten? I mean there are people who wouldn’t read just because what I wrote was a ghost fic, but tbh it wasn't even that harsh.

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest? I normally share with other writers when I'm really excited so I can bounce ideas off of them, however specific story elements I keep close to my chest because that part feels like my personal touch moreso than the general idea.

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s? HAHA NICE TRY BEYOTCH YOU JUST HAVE TO READ IT!! (Other than the fact that Amity does get her body back, but that's already been promised.)

37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written? The BEAN

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name them. I would honestly be willing to collab with anybody from the Good Witch Society on Discord. As well as my partner which we already talked about quite a few ideas that we had for stories.

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person? So, I do love writing inner monologue, however if I was ever staying in one character's perspective, it would just feel way too limiting. I prefer third person omniscient so I can at least give the reader insight into what's going on in everybody's heads.

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?IRL, yeah. But I have established that I am using this to exercise my own writing skills.

41) What’s you favourite minor character you’ve written? Emira I would actually consider a minor character in the grand scope of my story, however I absolutely adore writing her.

42) Song fic - What made you decide to use the song xxx for xxx.I write my own songs and to be completely fair, it was really spontaneous in Soul Bound, but I found out a plot point that could definitely weave in extremely well within the story.

Skara and the Wallflower being a punk band AU will definitely be a songfic with all original songs.

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it? Actually, nobody has ever really guessed a plot twist yet.

44) What is the last line you wrote? This really can't be good.

45) What spurs you on during the writing process? I already really adore the stories that I write and my goals are to write them and get them out there. I think about how the characters react and how things can go wrong in a way that makes sense.

46) I really loved your xxx fic. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?[Ask me for a specific story]

47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?[Ask me]

48) What’s your favourite trope to write? Friends to Lovers, hands down.

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about? To be completely honest, the first fic I read was a Zelda fic. I forgot what most of the plot was about, but it did involve Link and Zelda going into Termina and meeting up with this original character who did everything he can to fuck with the both of them. It's very vague, but I absolutely loved it and I never remembered it updating.

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? I'd have to cave and say angst. I like to have conflict in my stories, but I never like to have it be complete brooding. Just some light trauma, you know?

If you wanna read my stories, they’re all right here: F1uffyTurtle