#i hate being someone that has to tag 'critical' on anything but i'm heated

[foggyjune]

ATLA/TDP rant comparison under the cut:

The Fire Nation, even when we see their side of things (the good, bad, complicated) and how sometimes the "other side" took things too far, their role as violent oppressors is not glossed over or set aside. Everyone was affected by it in some form or another.

They introduce Xadia as the humans' oppressors - it's not a skewed point of view, it's factually true and is fueling the antagonists' motivations. As the show progresses this is mentioned less and less by the protagonists, ignored in favor of stopping Aaravos from getting out of his prison (the Actual Evil one, I guess).

This is not a "both sides did bad things" situation. It's not that kind of complicated and by god they better not make it one. You do not compare humans being cast out of Xadia to the Trail of Tears then try to backtrack, tf are ya'll doing??

[utilitycaster]

do you really think the reason Imogen doesnt get as much meta as Caleb (who got every little detail discussed with thousands of notes!) is because people are afraid of a reaction, when its so obviously sexism?

The same reason she doesn't get the exact number of notes as Caleb? No. There's multiple reasons. I'm sure some is misogyny. Some is probably audience size for the respective campaigns, and some is simply accumulation over time - a post about Caleb from 2019 has had 5 years to gather notes.

But also. Are you fucking stupid. You literally showed up because of my tags to be kind of a dick in my inbox. I and multiple people who committed the grave sin of *checks notes* interacting with me were sent hate messages for hours on a Saturday night because I hinted in the tags that I kind of liked Fearne and Ashton as a ship while not being terribly into Imogen and Laudna, and some absolutely deranged loser decided this was an appropriate response. I was called out by someone who had made a blog specifically to block me when I responded to a reblog from someone else on a post I had made stating that Gelvaan was almost certainly not homophobic in canon and that treating Imogen's psychic powers as a metaphor for queerness has a lot of really unfortunate implications. And this hasn't even touched on that one person whose entire raison d'etre appears to be harassing every single person who doesn't think Imogen, Laudna, and their relationship is perfect; and who specifically made multiple alts to harass me. Like, the "It's Obviously Misogyny" people are genuinely putting more effort into being a dick to me than in writing meta about Imogen. You might be one of them.

I talk to many of my mutuals, some of whom really like Imogen, and yes, people do decide "you know, this could be interpreted by someone as too critical, and I don't feel like dealing with the heat" and keep that meta to the DMs or don't share it at all.

You know that post that Matt liked on Twitter that people have been, let's not mince words, jacking themselves off about ever since? If you actually try to say something with substance and evidence about how Imogen has Liliana's fear (the fear that meant that when Imogen begged her mother to leave the Vanguard, Liliana turned her own daughter down, claiming to need to stay with other children) or Delilah's love (which made her cruel, ruthless, and ultimately all-but doomed her) or Ludinus's desire for power (led him to commit endless atrocities) but resists these things in her desire to be a good person - and frankly, I think painting her with the same brush as Delilah or Ludinus isn't even true but I would love to dig into her similarities to Liliana - some asshole who smugly reblogs that post every time someone says "not to be controversial I think Imogen sometimes says things that could maybe be hurtful to other people I think" will throw a full temper tantrum and might send them an incoherent anon calling them a little hypocrite.

It's also fascinating because a lot of the tantrum-havers who will defend Imogen of even the most anodyne "perhaps this is not the most positive trait" and who will cite harassment Marisha received 7 years ago as a reason to not breathe a word of criticism about Laudna - and many of these people joined the fandom about 2 years ago if not sooner - will do this at the very people who have been supporting Keyleth since Campaign 1 was still airing. I mean, seniority doesn't mean anything but if you're lecturing people about something you weren't there for and they were? Clown behavior. Oh and a lot of those people doing the lecturing? Don't really like Keyleth very much, because she does things like "be angry" and "support Orym" and "have a measured viewpoint that doesn't match theirs" and "pretty clearly, along with Allura, who they also barely ever talk about, is directing Bells Hells along a specific path of that pesky moon plot because contrary to a weirdly widespread belief this is the moon plot campaign and not the baking cookies in a cottage campaign."

I mean, half these people forget about Fearne much of the time. The only NPCs I see many of them even talk about are the Vanguard generals and occasionally Abbadina when she's convenient for an argument. Not a damn word for Orlana or Birdie or Dancer or Weva or Rashinna, and they mostly treated Deanna, Prism, and Deni$e as nothing more than implements to shove Imogen and Laudna together but man do they have mountains to say about Bor'Dor. Hell, go to the blog of someone who whines about the way people treat Imogen and look through their meta, if they have it, and the vast majority of the time it's about Ashton and Orym and Ludinus and then they spend the rest of the time complaining about how The Big Mean Fandom is So Mean to Girls but they sure don't have much to say either because turns out if you can't say anything even remotely critical of a female character, it's really hard to write anything, and that's assuming they actually care about writing about female characters instead of just being an asshole, which as stated above is, in my mind, in doubt.

If you have ever spent a single second harassing actual living women online because you didn't like their thoughts on a pretend woman you are, at least in this specific scenario, easily the shittier person. Personally I am confident in my feminist bona fides through, you know, real world activism and how I interact with and support women and feminist causes socially, professionally, financially, and politically in my actual life, but yeah even I sometimes say "you know, I have thoughts about this thing regarding Imogen...but I've had a rough week and I don't feel like having one of the fandom tar pits on my ass" so I'll send my thoughts to a few friends and then idk, write about something else. And I'm pretty thick-skinned (this is the other problem with this strategy; you filter out the more measured and kind and sensitive people first and you're left only with people like me). A lot of people have flat-out given up writing about Imogen (or Laudna, much of the time) because they don't feel like dealing with backlash over some really mild statements. And because you send kind of dickish anons I suspect that it's more likely that you might be part of the problem than part of the solution. So no, it's not the only reason, but it's absolutely a significant one. Congratulations. You played yourself.

[yukipri]

hello, I absolutely love your art and I really like ASL ship. I'm also an artist, but I'm afraid to post my art of it becomes i know some people can be rude about ships they don't like. How do you deal with the hate and do you have any advice for someone that wants that kind of confidence to post with out judgement?

Thanks so much for liking my work!

I wish I had a comforting answer for you, but the truth is this: There’s no way to post anything publicly online without judgement. People are always judging, and it’d be alright if they did so silently without being in your face about it, but oftentimes those who take greatest offense are the most vocal (the combination between this and the fact that those who like your work are oftentimes too shy to say anything can have really devastating consequences for self-confidence).

While there have always been people vocal about ships/characters/interpretations/whatever that they don’t like, I’d say that it’s arguably much worse now than it was when I started posting my work on Tumblr, due to both rampant purity culture, and again, fewer people who reblog and give positive comments to validate you and your work.

I wish I could tell you that i’m confident about the work that I post (both in content and artistic execution), but in reality, I’m not. I doubt myself all the time! My self-confidence is always 6 ft under!! I ask myself whether it’s worth posting before every post!! And sometimes, the answer my brain provides is No, it’s not worth posting.

But y’know what? I post anyway ^ ^;;;;;

I guess this is getting off on a bit of a tangent, because you’re asking about ship hate. But for me personally, my fight with my inner voice being mean about myself and my work is so much more vicious than any anti, that idk, the anti seems really mild in comparison? ^ ^;;;; Like oh, you don’t like my ship. Well that’s cute. I have a billion other far more valid criticisms of my work, so come back with a better case and get in line!

(and in continuing to post, and continuing to interact with those who don’t like my work...I guess I’ve gotten sorta used to it? That, and I’m grateful to have followers who ARE kind to me, building that sort of community is important!)

Oh don’t get me wrong, I still get in a sour mood whenever someone sends an unwanted opinion, and it does happen from time to time! But the thing is, there are a lot of tools to block out those opinions and to keep them from reaching you again, and it’s very easy for me to methodically use those, and they work. And the fact that these tools are available helps make hateful opinions seem much more like a tiny angry squirrel squeaking outside my window.

In case you’re wanting to know these steps:

1) If the unwanted comment is in a reply to one of your posts, you can delete the reply so you can’t see it anymore!

2) You can block the user. This prevents them from being able to interact with your posts and send any more unwanted opinions. (I think it’s also based on their IP address, so they can’t harass you on an alternate account either). If you do this to an anon user, they’ll be blocked and you’ll never even know who they were, so can’t even unblock them! Whee!

3) If they’re actually threatening you, you can report them. Rn, tumblr staff’s been pretty good at responding, perhaps due to changed ownership. If they actually threaten to harm you, don’t leave it at blocking, report them! (but also, make sure to only use this option when you are being threatened irl. Reporting is serious, and not a tool to be abused for, “They said something mean and I don’t like them.”)

4) MOST IMPORTANT: Don’t engage with them. I know if they give a shitty opinion, it’s easy to get heated and want to argue. But most likely, they’re hiding it under anon anyway, and you’re doing exactly what they want by getting mad. They don’t care about logic or whether or not their point makes sense. Their only goal is to upset you. So don’t let them win!

The best thing to do, REALLY, is to ignore them. Don’t give them a response by answering their ask, don’t reblog their response if they added it to your post that way. Especially if they’re anon, they have no choice but to keep refreshing your blog in hopes you respond, no way to get notified. Cool, let them keep doing that forever! They’re not worth your time. And they can’t win an argument you don’t accept, so they’ve lost as soon as you’ve rejected them.

(and if you feel like it, before blocking/deleting their shitty messages, take a screenshot, and then share it with your friends in private to laugh at them. It’s quite cathartic ^v^)b)

Another note, but if you’re nervous about posting content about an unpopular ship, it’s okay to ease yourself into it too. You don’t have to draw them naked ‘n snogging right from the get go (and tumblr doesn’t allow n//s//f//w anyway). You may have noticed that a LOT of my works are kinda ambiguously shippy/platonic if you squint and want to read it that way. Part of that’s just bc that’s the sort of content I enjoy creating, with romance being ambiguous, but it’s also less provocative if you want to avoid confrontation with antis ^ ^;

And ANOTHER note, but make sure to tag your ships! It’s a courtesy that’s important to remember on Tumblr and AO3 (and I wish would be adopted on twitter sigh). Tagging is us creators’ way of staying in our lane, and putting up all proper warnings. IF despite the tags, content consumers decide not to blacklist and engage anyway, well, then that’s on them.

So this answer got a bit long and isn’t at all concise, and I apologize for that. But I hope there’s an answer for you buried in here somewhere.

TLDR: There’s always gonna be judgement. Decide for yourself whether you want to post. Not everyone who posts has confidence, you’re not alone. Having positive interactions helps balance out the damage done by negative ones. Be prepared by knowing what tools you’ve got when the negative ones come. If you’re nervous, it’s ok to create more ambiguous content. Tag your posts.

And a final comment: make sure to enjoy creating! Create because you love it first and foremost, and let your creation be an expression of that joy.

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

[unending-happiness]

I'm fairly new to this fandom. There has been so much drama going on, and it kind of worries me that a fandom is so divided. In the past, has the drama ever gotten so bad that certain blogs have been targeted? I've been a part of some fandoms where that has happened.

Hi Nonnie! Welcome! I’m guessing when you say “fandom” that you mean Shadowhunters in general and not just Malec fans, but I’m not sure. Full disclosure, I like to be honest and use lots of words, so lotsa words coming at ya. The truth is that there is no easy answer to this question. I’ll tell you what I know about fandom and drama from my own experience. I’ve been here about a year. I’ll answer this in three parts. (right?! I’m ridiculous)

First: Drama

*sighs* There is ALWAYS drama. Drama Here. Drama In other fandoms. (Which it sounds like you know well) Drama in real life. I know it varies and I have heard some say that SH is way drama heavy while others have said that other fandoms were equal to or worse. Drama happens. People tend to be opinionated. A lot of the time they put stuff out there without thinking of what others will feel about it. People often lack empathy, especially online. My advice on drama both on Tumblr and in life and what I tell my children is this:

You do NOT have to participate in drama. You don’t have to take the bait of someone talking about your favorite character, ship or actor. You don’t have to answer that vile anon. You don’t have to even see any of it. You can unfollow, block, blacklist, whatever it is that you need to do to avoid drama if you so desire. You do not have to give weight and power to negativity. You don’t have to give it oxygen or space. 

That being said, drama and discourse are two different things. I find that I enjoy respectable, well thought out discourse, and so I follow some blogs who are opinionated and I like reading their opinions on how the show could have done some things better, or their character metas. It’s no surprise that a lot of these blogs are writers. Writers, by-in-large, are people who think critically and are careful and measured with their words, because they know the weight and power words can have. Some people don’t like discourse at all, which is fine, so I try to tag mine so it can be avoided if people don’t want to see it. I find that even if I’m not participating in the latest heated argument, I am generally curious and at least want to know why people are carrying on. So I will look things up and see what they are saying. 

For example - yesterday I could see a few people on my dash talking Dom and his Malec comments (intelligently and calmly), but I didn’t know what it was really about, so I wanted read Dom’s interview quotes again. So, (as usually is the case) I knew something was going on, but I saw no real hate or drama on my dash. I searched Dom’s tag looking for his original interview to see what his actual words were. And……I got exactly 4 disgusting posts in before I hit the close button, retreated back to my turtle shell and just messaged a sweet friend asking if she had the interview. So I do SEE it. I know it’s there, but as far as drama on my dash there is pretty much zero. Discourse, about 10%, because I enjoy a good discussion. And what I see I go looking for. Sometimes my curiousity makes my life difficult. But that was my CHOICE to go looking. It’s largely about choices. I choose to follow amazing, kind, sweet, artistic, talented, joyful, loving people. Many of those have followed me back. And my fandom experience is wonderful because of it.

Second: Targeting

I know much less about this than I do about fandom drama. The very definition of targeting is 

a person, object, or place selected as the aim of an attack.

I suppose, based on that definition that, yes, I guess I have in fact seen people targeted in this fandom. Humans can be absolutely terrible and so full of hate. And the SH isn’t in a protective bubble. So, while I have never felt targeted myself, but I have seen my mutuals experience this. Others have indeed selected them to be on the receiving end of their hateful words. Now, what I have seen wasn’t a whole bunch of people attacking one person. It was just one or two attacking one or two. But even that has been very uncommon in my experience. And I don’t know if that is just because of the people I follow or if that is the case with the fandom as a whole. I tend to believe it’s the latter, only because I follow such a wide range of SH blogs with many different personalities, and still don’t see it.

In general the correlation I notice is that the more opinionated you are as a blog and the more discourse you put out, the more opinions you get back. These opinions are frequently in the form of anon asks. The larger blogs also get more nastiness sent their way, because they have a larger audience. I feel like all of this is to be expected.

I’ve had friends delete hateful asks without answering and I’ve had some answer them eloquently and with much more tact and respect than the person doing the attacking deserved. I’ve even known a few who have had turned anon asks off because off temporarily because people were saying terrible things. It all varies based on what the person running the blog can and chooses to do. I’ve followed blogs who get hate spewed their way because they love and defend a certain character, so “fans” of the other character will say nasty things. But, in all of these cases, the hate of a few is largely overpowered by the love of many. All of these people have wonderful friends and people who defend them, support them, and help them. And it is largely diffused because of how they choose to respond. 

Have I seen people attack others? Yes. There are some who will attack others simply because they can. They don’t even need a reason. And is there ever a valid reason for hate anyway? No. Definitely not. And people love the “my thing is better than your thing” drama. Or “your thing is problematic” drama. Do I have strong opinions about my ship? Sure. But I don’t need to hurl them at every person who believes differently. It isn’t necessary or productive. I know nobody could change my mind about my ship, so why would I try to change the opinion of others? Why would I want to?

I personally, have not seen any extreme cases of targeting. Anytime I’ve seen someone get hate, I’ve also seen many come to their defense, and it’s made me proud to be in this fandom. I have heard about extreme targeting happening with blogs who ship a certain less popular ship,  but, I also follow blogs who ship this ship and they seem to have lovely friends and a great support system and I haven’t seen them be attacked. I don’t have much personal experience with this, so it’s hard to answer, but it is my experience that you tend to get back what you put out. If you are confrontational and attack others, then yes, you will get attacked. If you like discourse, you will get discourse. If you wanna just sit on a fluffy marshmallow all day and die of fluff and feels, then you will die of sugary sweetness. I prefer Death by Daddario and Mauled by Malec and I get it daily. It’s fantastic!

THIRD: Tips for a positive fandom experience

This is what I do to make my fandom experience positive. I like kind people. They are my jam. I want nice asks, Tumblr hugs, endless beautiful photos of Matt in my inbox, art and fics from sweet and talented people, all the yelling about Malec greatness, people who support each other, intelligent discussion, empathetic humans.

Full disclosure: I get emotional. I have opinions. I am a serious Malec shipper. I’m on the board of the Alec/Matt Protection Squad. I speak fluent sarcasm. And because of this I’ve gotten the occasionally salty anon. Salt returned. Fair enough. I do make mistakes and I am sure I’ve upset someone before. I also apply this same standard to my friends. I know they aren’t going to be perfect.I know they will have bad days and have a raw emotional response occasionally. They are human and I expect this. Fandom has been a learning curve. But, I try really really hard to be positive and kind. Some hopefully helpful tips.

-Don’t follow just anyone. If I think I might want to follow them, I’ll scroll pretty far down on their blog to see what they post/reblog. If I see hate or negativity, then I’m out of there. I give it 2 posts. If I see even 2 in 50, then I don’t want to be there.

-It’s ok to unfollow anyone. If I do follow someone and I see them posting things hating on other people,  ships, actors, whatever it may be. (not discussions, just words meant to hurt people) then I usually give it about 3 times, and I unfollow. No big deal. I don’t want to see it so I don’t see it. I don’t care if it’s a large blog or a small one or who the person is. It isn’t personal. And NO it is not my responsibility to try and correct the bad behavior of every person who ships the same couple I do. I don’t like when people say that you have a responsibilty to do that. You don’t. I’ll do my part by spreading positivity and light.

-Block anyone who makes you feel unsafe. If I see a person attacking someone on a post or their blog, whatever it may be, I immediately block them as a preventative measure.

-Blacklist anyone/anything. There are times within the fandom that discourse gets to even me,especially if it’s one of the characters I love, So for instance, if a character I love is being heavily criticized after an episode, I will just blacklist either the people saying the things or the relevant tag for a bit. Tumblr savior is your friend. Use it. 

-Keep scrolling. My first reaction to anything that pisses me off or upsets me is to keep scrolling. I don’t need to chime in. I don’t need to start an argument. That person can put whatever they want on their blog and so I Alec level eye roll that shit and move on with my day.

-Talk to trusted friends. If a post just eats at me and I need to discuss it, then i’ll send it to a friend I love and trust. We will discuss it, go back and forth on it, she will talk me down from the “but I really want to set this person straight ledge” and we move on with our days. (my poor bestie is an angel). Amazing friends are so helpful in fandom.

-Think. Before I reblog ANYTHING, I try to think of how it will make my followers feel. If they ship a certain ship or like a certain character, and I post this how will they feel about it. If I think it’ll make someone feel upset or alienated, I scroll on by. If I like and appreciate the humor, sarcasm, sentiment, but I’m a little torn about reblogging it and not sure how people will take it, then I’ll just like it and not reblog.

-Extra think. Same but extra gets applied to posting something of my own. I think about every way that anyone can take it or be hurt by it. And I also think of how I’ll respond if someone reacts badly. I think about my wording, people of other ships, etc. This is original content you are putting out into the world that will get reblogged. You can never get rid of it once it’s out there. Every. Single. Time. that I have said “this will probably get me a salty anon” it has. Every time. I know before I even put something out there what it will most likely bring back. In those cases I have felt that me expressing my opinion on that matter was worth the salty anons. And I’ve never regretted one. I tend to be very sarcastic and opinionated in my tags, because most likely the only people seeing those are my followers and if people follow me they know how I am and they also know where the unfollow button is, so that’s more of a safe space. But, I have gotten anons who specifically referenced my salty tags. 

-Respond carefully. Speaking of salty anons.(I’ve never gotten hate, thankfully) Yeah, you could think of it as this person is coming to your door and being confrontational about what you put on your own damn blog and they are hiding behind anonymity to boot, so really I should be able to say whatever I want back. Right?! No. I push that feeling down and  I respond very carefully. I consider their opinion and their pov. I always tell them I have done as much. I stand by my original opinion, which is easy because I’ve thought it through before I posted, and I am understanding, and tell them that it’s ok if they disagree with me. I do this especially if I think they are trying to bait me. Thanks but no thanks. I’m not about that. I am so extra about this that I have my beta bestie read through a lot of my responses to anons before I post them. Just to be sure I’m not missing anything and I’m giving off the sentiment I want to give off. This formula is pretty good because I’ve never gotten a “level-up” on angry from an anon yet. (knock on wood) I think most often they really just want you to know they were irritated and that you upset them. It’s cool. Message received.

-Tag spoilers and discourse. Maybe not always, but I try really hard. This helps so much. People may follow you but not be able to stand discourse.

-Flood negative with positive. If someone is being mean to someone I follow I block the meanie, and then I yell nice things at the person being attacked. I also send them a sweet ask. I often will also send them a message with support. Light drives out dark. Period. I don’t address the hateful person directly. I do this with the cast and their s/o as well when they get hate. I just send them nice things. It’s easy. Don’t feed the trolls. It only makes them bigger and more angry.

-Spread love. If you love someone’s fic–tell them. If you love someone’s art–tell them.  Reblog the shit out of that with nice tags. If someone’s tags make you happy–tell them. If you think someone is sweet–tell them. Anything nice that goes through your brain. SAY IT LOUD. I cannot stress this enough. If you are shy, just do it on anon. People appreciate that. Love wins, always. 

-Surround yourself with good people. This is the most important thing for a good fandom experience. I have some of the very best friends I’ve ever had in my life because of this fandom. They are amazing people. Some of us are very different and I don’t always agree with them, but I do agree with their methods, their kindness and generosity, with their love and support.

SO, anon. I’m sure you are probably like, wtf is this?! I never asked for a damn novel, crazy!!! And so I’m sorry for this stupid long response. But, this isn’t an easy answer. And I can’t tell you about darkness without telling you how to drive it away. This is all stuff that people around me helped me do when I first started my blog and it’s been such a help. 

I hope this helps and please feel free to send me any more questions you have. Also, I would be more than happy to rec you some positive and kind blogs, if you wish. I follow a lot of Malec, and I’m not sure if you are a Malec fan or not, so I’m not doing that now. But if you tell me what kind of blogs might interest you, I would be happy to rec some! Thanks for asking. I hope you have a beautiful day. I hope your experience in this fandom is fun and wonderful and you don’t get dragged down by the bad side. The good side is so so so so great. Totally worth navigating the shit storms imo. Welcome. I LOVE THIS FANDOM.

:)