#i hate ebegging. especially in times like these

[squidcalamarium]

FINAL UPDATE

The goal has been reached! THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE!!!

PLEASE HELP MY FAMILY

My parents well has, despite everyone's best efforts, has broken completely. There is a leak in the pipes that can only be accessed with heavy machinery cutting through the woods and into the ground, with an estimated cost between 2k and 3k.

My black disabled dad, mom, brother, and their four dogs all live together on my dad's fixed income, which he gets through his disability. between the general cost of living and the disability savings cap, gofundme is the only possible way they can make enough to get this fixed.

With Georgia's current hot spring, and even hotter summer fast approaching, the need for ANY water is increasing. Because the house is so far isolated, there are no neighbors to rely on, no stores to even attempt to walk to, nothing within 20 minutes by car. we are doing everything we can to make sure, for the time being, that they all can shower and fill jugs of water to flush toilets and cook. this is not a permanent solution. Please help us

UPDATE

After weeks of struggle, a plumber that's actually good at his job came out and did a more thorough check.

Turns out the problem was largely ELECTRICAL!! We have water again! All they had to do was replace the burnt out wiring and protective boxes and buy ANOTHER pump!

Because of this, the goal has been changed to just $1,500 to cover the cost of repairs and replacements!

THANK YOU EVERYONE!!

[rae-napier64]

oh wow just actually went to your blog home and saw your pinned post for the first time? you are a sickening little individual and i would like to wish the worst for you. You're on the mutual aid website, bitch.

Brother this isn’t the mutual aid website this is the hellsite and as I explained in the pinned post you’re misrepresenting, I fully support people crowdfunding, I know that it is an unfortunate necessity in this day and age.

However, coming into someone’s asks/messages/reblogs when you’ve never spoken to them even in passing and then begging for money, especially when you don’t know their situation and you don’t know how it will affect them, is disgusting. It’s not our job to fund anyone else but ourself.

Now is it nice, polite and kind to give to charities or to those in need when and if you have the extra cash or if you can donate or volunteer time? Absolutely! It’s part of human nature to care for one another.

But to have it be an expectation, to have some random internet stranger who hasn’t even bothered to attempt a basic conversation (hello, how are you, how’s life treating you etc) show up out of nowhere and pretty much demand that you give them money, and then guilt trip you before you’ve even had a chance to confirm deny or offer other help is absolutely disgusting, it’s a low blow, especially on a site where most of the userbase is poor, disadvantaged, disabled or unsafe for other reasons.

The tactics used by scammers are the exact same ones on desplay in these ebegging situations, think Nigerian princes of the new age. Half the population of tumblr are teens who haven’t experienced scams yet, or they’re so compassionate and willing to give more than they have just so someone else can survive.

Not that it’s your business, but I have been struggling to even pay rent and buy food for the past couple years, I’ve spent months sewing up the same pair of jeans and living off of plain white rice, hell I was nearly homeless at one point because my finances were so bad. And then I get ten different cases of randoms on the internet trying to make me feel guilty because I can’t give them 100 dollars, buddy if I had 100 quid it wouldn’t be going to anything but food or rent.

And also as I mentioned in the pinned post, I don’t wish any hate or mistreatment to these people. Because most of them are just humans struggling to get by, they’re just going about it in a shitty way.

Everyone struggles and trust me once I win the lottery I’ll donate to every charity case I can find but until then arseholes like you and all those fake ebegging cunts can fuck right off.

[wishgirls-archive]

okay i really hope this will be my last donation post for awhile but im having so much trouble finding a job?? like it shouldnt be this damn hard and yet here i am, 5 months down the road 😑😑😑😑 but i still have to pay rent which, thankfully, is only 200 USD because im renting a room. im really sorry guys, hate ebegging over something like this, especially because ive asked for help many times before, but its already the 9th 😔 if it helps, i could do some commissions too! nothing more than 20 dollars mostly because i doubt my skills 💀 just dm me and i can tell you what i can and cant draw 💕

$wishgirls

paypal

[puyopreservation]

Update: 05 Jul 2020

I’ve been looking into GoFundMe.

To make sure what I’m getting us into. I try to make it a point to be as transparent as possible with you guys (besides my real name, which GoFundMe will display, I gotta see if I can change that).

And with that transparency I do wanna let you know I am gonna ask for more than I’d like to ask of you.

I’ll likely repeat this when the time comes to launch the fundraiser. But here it is first: Whatever the final price is, I shall raise it by 2,9%. And whatever you’d like to donate, please add $0.30 to that if you can. (Unless I’m misunderstanding this, please let me know if I do. This is too much math for me the Mod, appreciated if you do it for me.)

Once again, this fundraiser is not meant to Gatekeep existing content on this blog. That’d be stupid. But around 10% of it will likely go to Scanner, the hurdle that keeps books that likely aren’t scanned on the internet (such as the Waku Waku Puyo Puyo Dungeon Manga, more examples to come) from being in physically in my possession to digitally in yours. Everything else will go up when my orders arrive.

While I’ll gladly scan everything I got when only the scanner has been covered and I’ll dutifully will keep watch of this blog regardless if I got my money. Please remember: it’s not very fun to work on a project such scanning these books you feel like you wasted money on.

I don’t think scanning them is unimportant. I do want them to be out there for everyone (hopefully some people translate them too). But it sure won’t fun scanning them all with a mindset they’ve been a money sink.

No stretch goals, because I don’t want more money than I asked for. GoFundMe allows to have raise funds over the asked amount and I don’t think I can turn that off. And I sure don’t want all that extra money (I mean I do, but I’ve gotta stand by my principles).

What if everything I’ll raise that goes over the amount I asked for goes to someone else’s GoFundMe? Preferably a charity. Just throwing that out there without knowing what charity to give it too...

The estimated cost of the fundraising.

1,099.64 USD (plus some possible shipping cost adjustments) for all the Puyo Puyo/Madou Monogatari/Disc Station literature I bought with the intent of preserving (whether they’ve been preserved already or not, I didn’t know at the time).

A decent scanner I’ve been eye-ing that’s 279 EUR (313.74 USD). But I’m sure I can find a cheaper one that’s just as effective for 80 USD or something. You guys’ opinion? What should I do?

Plus possibly whatever the price of the topic below is!

Google Drive or Dropbox?

I need either one of these to publicly store everything I found and will scan. 

At this time of writing, the folder I store everything in is currently 7.30GB and counting!

Google Drive’s default storage is 15GB it can store everything I have so far. But I do wonder that will last? With how fast it is growing. (And it has to share space with my personal stuff as well.)

A Google Drive Storage upgrade to 100GB will cost 19,99 EUR (22.48 USD) a year, 100GB is more than efficient I should think. And I’m gonna add that first 22.48 USD to the GoFundMe amount should we go with that. Everytime afterward I’ll pay the yearly fee it myself. Because I don’t wanna burden you guys with yearly donations to this blog.

With. That. Said.

Despite that I write my Fanfics there. I hate Google. I’d rather use Dropbox. But Dropbox’s default storage is 2GB. But the most simple paid upgrade is absolutely OVERKILL for what this blog tries to do!

119,88 USD per year for 2TB! Something I’d likely have to fundraise every year and I don’t want that on my conscious even if you guys are cool with it.

The only way I’d be okay with that price if there were more moderators to split the difference on that price each year. And while this blog is open to having more moderators (Mod Mamono just wanted to be called that), there were no actual plans to have more, Mod Mamono still rather have that not on his conscious.

Strawpoll! You guys choose: https://www.strawpoll.me/20510661

Google Drive (No upgrade to 100GB.)

Google Drive (One time payment of 22.48 USD through the GoFundMe for 100GB storage.)

Dropbox (Yearly eBegging for 119,00 USD.) 

Last word on this future fundraiser for now.

I do my best to stay as transparent with you guys as possible. I wanna let you guys know what you’re in for. I hope you believe me on that. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something went awry on my end.

If you help me out I’ll give you guys credit for the stuff I’ve bought with the bought with the intention of preserving. All of it that can be scanned anyway. It’ll be painful for one guy to do. I won’t by grateful for the arthritis that would certainly give me. But I’ll sure be forever grateful for helping me out. (The blog will still be here, regardless.)

I’m not planning to pull this stunt ever again. At least not on a big scale where I feel the need to have my money back.

Some pictures of things that should be arriving that don’t seem to have been scanned yet:

These two aren’t books, these are CD-Roms. The most expensive items here... Hrrrmmmmnnnngh... They hold some Disc Station tidbits. And includes the end (not the middle it seems) of Madou Monogatari: Mano and the Mysterious Hat (Look it up, it’s a real thing).

(INSERT PICTURE OF the Compile Gallery 123~ぷよぷよ-そして魔導物語へ~ CD-Rom here.)

These two above seem to be especially obscure, not even sure if there’s more until I have my hands of them. Seems to be an adaptation of Madou Monogatari: Hanamaru Dai Youchienji /  Madou Monogatari: Big Kindergarten Kids. (Please verify that for me if you can.)

Can a translator identify this series? For now all I have to go on is Ladybug’s Puyo Puyo. Ladybug being the publisher it seems.

You’ll notice that the 4th volume is missing. That’s not a coincidence, you’ll be doing me a favor if you can find the fourth one. Preferably as a PDF. This is the cover. This is all I have to go on:

And of course the Waku Waku Puyo Puyo Dungeon manga and Typing of Puyo Puyo. As shown off here: https://puyopreservation.tumblr.com/post/622644155518189568/listen-up-puyo-puyomadou-monogatari-fans

The rest I ordered is already online and in the collection I’ve gathered.

It’s 4:30 AM, I hope there are little to no typos. I hope it’s as clear as possible. Feel free to raise your hand if it isn’t. I’m pressing Queue. Good night.

[drake-the-incubus]

It’s a little demoralizing to see a Fanfiction archive constantly overshoot it’s goal and people gloat about donating to it instead of people in need.

Like. Fanfiction is nice and all, but the service isn’t inherently more valuable than say, someone’s right to eat.

Like, especially if you enjoy transformative works, I’d think it’s nice to actively support the artists and such.

And yeah, it’s nonprofit and provides a service, but also like, have some compassion. In the middle of a pandemic (both now and last fundraiser) people openly posted how they donated to AO3 over people in need. Some of them making comments of how people need to get real jobs.

And as someone in a bad position a lot of the time, where I’m forced to EBeg and hope I get a *little* support, it makes me upset.

I hate the feeling because I know it will continue to overshoot it’s goal for the next few weeks, and I’m going to see a post with over 10,000 notes and OP is in the notes saying people are liking and they still have not met their goal.

[hikarimitsuko]

Middle of the night thoughts

What I realized was...it’s not my nickname that made me feel this bad... Actually it does make me feel bad...BUT not as much as getting rid of it...So perhaps my name will change some day...or maybe not. I’m indeed sad and affected by the fact that I deleted my instagram after 4 years of working hard on building an audience...but said audience of 12k people were ghosts and mainly inactive towards anything I post. Not to whine...nothing like that, the world doesn’t owe me anything...but I do not like wasting my time or speaking in the void. I do feel bad about the fact that some of my followers were following me and encouraging me since the very start and I will definitely be nostalgic for that part and for those amazing people. Hopefully they’ll find me elsewhere.

I’ve been realizing since about a year ago that whatever I tried, to change my style, to cosplay new things, to post some art, to join new networks that would touch more people who could be interested in what I do, I realized that in the end...it’s internet people. They are not friends, never will be. I’m realistic, people follow/followed me for Levi. And anytime I’d try to do something else as well, the difference in interaction was beyond bearable. Now I never wanted to stop cosplaying Levi, but this sort of situation sort of pushed me away from him. The last few times I’ve been him, I had absolutely no fun doing him. 

I think also the cosplay community has changed alot in 4 years. Not only that but there is alot of SJWs now and it’s making the community toxic... Cosplay used to be fun. I will still be doing it on my own but low profile. I will post my pics as posts but if anyone wants to see all my pics they will have to go to my fb page as this is more of a closed space where I can easily deal with toxic people and don’t really care as much if it produces absolutely no reaction.

Some will say...oh she’s still in depression. Well no, actually I’ve been off antidepressants for two weeks... and withdrawal is very bad, like VERY VERY BAD, but I know I can make it. I know I can feel good and happy once I work on things that don’t make me happy anymore.  I always said: when cosplay will stop making me happy, I will stop.

It’s not really the case. I love cosplaying...but I just don’t like to do it for an audience anymore. Especially an audience that is 80% ghosts. Sometimes I wonder what steps I took that were wrong or what I could’ve done differently. Of course you compare yourself as a cosplayer and sometimes seeing people who would put about the same effort as you and started waaaay after you did or even some people who didn’t put any effort at all get so much feedback on their stuff while I was sitting there wondering if what I did was worth sharing or not. Guess insecurity, anxiety and need for validation do that, but I won’t excuse myself for being how I am.

I stopped being excited about sharing photos (photography is one of my main passions so that’s very bad)... And I started feeling like conventions didn’t give me that feeling they used to. It started feeling fake and forced and...it started feeling like a competition all the time. Without even noticing I started comparing myself and finding flaws after flaws in my things...so much that I began to hate most of my cosplays.

As you know, all of this is expensive, it’s expensive to maintain and I tried really hard to keep it going because god knows I love to cosplay...I tried ko-fi, I tried patreon, I tried commissions, I tried tutorials, I tried plenty of things...but it simply didn’t work. I know some people go ebegging all the time but frankly it gets on my nerves so I never intended on making people access my stuff for a price. I always loved seeing people smile and appreciate what I do. A simple thumbs up would make my day, but all these were gone after a while... While my wallet was getting emptier as I kept on going.

I’ll always love cosplay...but I’ll keep it for me. I’ll do it for me. I’ve been cleaning up the 40k pics I have of cosplays. And you know what? I know I did a good job. That’s all that matters. I don’t need anyone’s input on that because most of them are just pixels on a screen looking for easy and free entertainment (which is fine), but I expected too much. I didn’t want people to lurk, I wanted people to interact.  In the past few days I needed help, still do but I’m done asking for any so don’t bother... And out of the approximate 18k persons following me around all social networks i’m in...do you know who helped me? 3 people.

@kozumesenpaii My closest friend. 

@angelica200555 One of my most faithful followers since a long long LONG time ago and an angel

And another person who just started following me.

I know...I know that the world owes me nothing. But you’d think after 4 years of doing this...someone would care enough to offer a 3$ ko-fi. But no.

It’s fine, it’s totally fine I’m not mad (anymore cause i have to admit I was mad when I was panicking about not getting a fucking paycheck this week)... But it did make me realize that....like Max says...it’s only internet people, they don’t care.

It makes way more sense now. And I’ve accepted that. I’m in peace with it. Yesterday was a revelation. I guess I needed something to kick my ass to actually finally make a move. Deleting my instagram made me sad...and once I saw ‘’permanently deleted’’ appear... I immediately cried for 15 minutes.... It took me so long to build this. I’ve loved this so much. But I’ve loved a dream, I’ve loved a bubble and it’s been burst for a while.

Now I will love it differently. I will love cosplay/anime/art and whatever else only for me. I will post but only if I want to.

I will maybe write more fanfics or one shots if I feel like it... I do feel confident about my writing in fanfics but I don’t want to go around parading and promoting the shit out of it. They’re little hidden AO3 treasures that ereri and klance fans might stumble upon and fall in love with.

I will not censure myself either for the sake of having ‘’followers’’ that might not like what I do... I’m done living for people. I’m still not sure about name changing my stuff because my youtube and facebook pages are still under hikarimitsuko and I am keeping these so don’t you worry about that. I re-changed my tumblr and twitter back to hikari but if it makes me feel bad, i’ll just find something else later on. I changed my twitch username without noticing u have to wait 60 days to change it again so if you are looking for hikarimitsuko on twitch...it’s actually ephemere87...for the next 60 days...lol...I’ll probably change it back to hika.

SO hum I guess I wanna say thank you to those who followed me so long and kept believing in me even when I was deep in depression. I know it wasn’t always easy to read my posts because I have very negative phases towards myself...but I try to stay away as much as possible when it happens. Thanks to those who cared no matter what. Thanks to those who get genuinely worried about me. My final request would be : IF YOU ARE A GHOST FOLLOWER, PLEASE, unfollow me.

PS: For future references, I will be posting videos of ALL my cosplays on youtube eventually as compilations. Pretty sure Levi’s will last half an hour or longer lol...But anyways... I keep my youtube too for CMVs and such if the inspiration strikes.

Plan - without timeline:

-Deadpool and spidey skit (with max) - youtube

-Costest of Viktor Nikiforov (gotta style the wig) - on here and facebook

-Cosplay Keith Kogane (when I feel like it) - on here and facebook.

Thank you for these 4 years! It’s not over.