#i hate how normalized all this has become. my friend started botox this year at 26 & i just ...hate it

[istanlena]

Where Did You Go? - Part 3

"Not too shabby Danvers," Sara said with a smirk on her face. "You say that every time! I wasn't even able to get a single hit on you." Kara replied with a groan. She was getting slowly agitated. It had been a year since she accidentally opened up a portal to Earth -1 and was stuck there without her powers.

The first day there she got there she was almost attacked by some gang members hiding around the block. Thankfully, Sara and the rest of the legends were there to help her. The fact that she ended up in another universe freaked her out, especially without her powers.

No one could figure out how she lost them, but Kara hasn't been able to use them for a year. It was like losing a huge part of herself; she was no different than a human now, bleeds, breaks bones, gets hurt and tired. Of course, she was still in better shape than an average human due to all the training with Sara, league of assassins style.

"Badass" as Sara likes to call it.

"You've been here for a year and a half and your better than I was four years into the league training. But of course you can't be me, sweetheart I've been reincarnated before and spent six years killing people, I'm just teaching you in a more accepted way. I think."

"Yeah, I know."

"Go get some rest now. We need you ready if anything happens."

Kara nods at her and goes to the lounge where she finds Mick sitting on the bean bags completely drunk, and a drunk Rory means you can rant or do whatever you want and he won't even notice. (Mostly because he's blackout drunk) She takes a seat next to him and grabs the bottle of whiskey from his hands. Nothing was meant to end up this way. She was supposed to stop being Supergirl and move to Asia without anyone being able to find her.

She was supposed to get over the heartbreak, embrace being selfish, live for once. Not only that, but she lost her powers, the only thing that makes her different. She remembers being in her apartment and wishing that they would be stripped away of her so she can be healthy. It turns out normal is overrated.

The memory of flying through the plane fields at incredible speed was still fresh in her mind what she didn't realise is that she was flying so fast to the point where she opened up a portal to earth one, her guess is, when she opened up the portal it exhumed all of her powers while transporting her to another universe.

She was flying so fast, but to her, it's was like the world was going in slow motion, the wind was hitting her face making her hair fly back behind her, she felt free at that moment and then that blue light appears and beams at her she tries to stop moving towards it except she couldn't. It was too fast and all of a sudden she finds herself travelling through galaxies until another portal opens up. Suddenly she finds herself on another earth. Powerless, a human.

No one has been able to help her, they've spoken to team arrow, team flash, even firestorm couldn't help her, but in the end, she got what she wished for, her powers gone, and she was in an entirely different universe where her family and friends couldn't be able to find her.

She snaps her head to the direction she heard the footsteps coming from"Hey Kara, give it to me. What's bothering you, I need something to take my mind off that stupid, stupid Nate." Kara was surprised to hear that come out of Zari's mouth. She was shocked, and she found it a bit amusing.

"Wait for me!" She heard the distant voice that belonged to Sara call out. Once Sara arrived and took a seat next to Zari and Kara, the three girls started gossiping next to a drunk blacked out Rory. "So what's the crinkle for?" That got Kara to groan.

'I swear I'm going to get botox for this!' She thought. So she told them, told them how she missed her family and friends.

"I don't know what I was thinking about moving away. They probably have stopped trying to find me right now. I don't deserve any of them. I was such a brat and an even worse friend. I mean I told this girl that I was Supergirl after weeks of knowing her, but I didn't tell my best friend for three years!" She exclaimed.

Kara didn't know why she still cares. Lena hates her; she made that clear last time they spoke.

"I hate you, Supergirl. Don't come after me; were done here. I can't believe that once upon a time, I would have died for you. At least the person I thought you were. Goodbye, Supergirl." She winces at the memory. Lena's voice was filled with hate. She treated Kara as her enemy. She talked to her like she was Lex.

"I've seen her talk to people before like that but never to me. Even when Supergirl and Lena were arguing she still never sounded so..." Kara paused, trying to find the right word. "so cold." She finished with a deep inhale.

She thinks back to the reasons why she left in the first place. Every moment spent crying, every moment in the phantom zone, all the sadness and fear comes rushing back to her. The silence and the years spent in that small pod with nothing and no one but herself and her thoughts. The memories of watching her planet disintegrate and blast right in front of her slowly broke her every time. The fear she felt when she got knocked off her course — not knowing what was going to follow. It all rushed back to her that day. So she told them everything.

Of course, they already knew, but they also knew it haunted Kara every day of her life. She regretted many things. Such as sending James to check on Lena's lab and using her last name against her. She wasn't the victim here. Lena was, and although her she knew that and she knew she shouldn't be feeling upset or even caring a damn about Lena anymore, her heart broke every time she thought about her.

"You loved her, didn't you?" Sara asks with sympathy. " Yes, I did, and I ruined it. Like I ruin everything good that happens to me. Not only that I put her in danger and caused her brother to go after her."

"But you did for her safety!" Zari differentiates.

"Yes but she doesn't know that! I hurt her deeply, and although I did it for her safety, she was always at risk either way. I made it worse. She didn't need protection from the world; she needed protection from me. The moment she started trusting people and opening up, I ruined it." It hurt to think that. It hurt to know that the beautiful kind Lena was forever gone and replaced by the stiff untrusting Luthor she was so scared of becoming, and yet Kara hoped that wasn't what her ex-best friend and the love of her life turned into. She was much better than her family.

She just hoped Lena still remembers all the good things about herself.

"No one is better at wrecking things than me, trust me if I got a second chance, so will you, and your much better than me. You're a great person. You always put the safety and feelings of those you care about in front of yours. That makes you a hero. Even if you don't have powers."

Kara wanted to believe that she did, but she couldn't. So she just offered a smile towards the two girls and finished her whiskey.

"That my whiskey?" The captain questioned. "Well... It was." Kara replied with a grin. "Blame it on Rory he had it first."She stated as she walked away from them. The last thing she heard when she was walking out of the room was Zari laughing her head off and Sara telling her she'll regret that.

                                                                                  ⇔ EARTH 38 ⇔

      Lena, Alex and Winn have been using all of their free time trying to Locate the superhero. Saying it was difficult would be the understatement of the year. Winn showed Lena all of her last transactions the last time people saw Supergirl in public before she disappeared. They went through her diaries looking for any clues, as presumed none were found. At least they thought nothing was there. The only thing those diaries did was break Lena's heart a little more and make her a little more resentful and angry towards those who knew about Kara's identity before she did.

        She told Nia after weeks of knowing her but never considered revealing her secret to her best friend for three years. Ouch.

One thing Lena did find was a bunch of letters that were never sent out in an envelope in the back of the diary. She snuck them into her pocket discreetly making sure neither Alex or Winn noticed them. After hours of going through pictures, articles, and hacking into her bank accounts (that were closed by the way) they didn't find anything. Not even little traps set to take them somewhere else. Alex and Winn said their goodbyes to Lena, and they decided they would meet up again the coming Saturday until then they would all be working to find anything that might benefit them in tracking down the lost girl.

     The following hour after the two DEO agents left Lena found herself cuddled up in the corner of her lavish sofa pulling out the letters Kara had written but never sent out over the months. She knew this was a bad idea. Lena has not forgiven the Superfriends or Kara yet, but she never wanted any of the dead. Thinking of Kara being found dead didn't make Lena feel good or fill the hole in her heart left by her traitorous best friend. Ex-best friend. Sam took that spot long ago, but Lena would be kidding herself if she said that she didn't miss Kara.

    She realised kara/supergirl was always there for her. In different respectives of course, Supergirl there doing all the heavy lifting and saving kara physically while Kara was still there emotionally. She would play to Lena's every whim. It felt good knowing that there was somebody who would do anything for her anytime. If Lena wished for pizza and movie night, kara would be there. If she wanted to walk in the park, Kara would be there. When Lena was in danger, Supergirl would always show up at the right time, she would always save Lena no matter what it took, and Lena never understood that and she still doesn't. (She didn't understand why Supergirl would risk her life saving a Luthor  when her family wast the one almost killing her using Kryptonite.)

She took out the oldest letter in that envelope since it was dated back to the time when Lena had just found out who Kara was and started reading the letter carefully so she wouldn't miss anything. Your only doing this to find her it's not personal; it's just the right thing to do.

Lena,

I wish I were the one who told you; I wanted you to find out from me, but you didn't. I know you hate me, and right now I hate myself too. I can't understand the pain I have caused you, but I am so so sorry. Truly. I thought I was shielding you from the danger by not telling you. Clearly I wrong, people will always target you because of your last name, and you were already associated with me so I should have informed you, but I didn't, and yes I regret that, but I don't think any good would have come out of it, either way, you would have still been in more danger. So yes, I would rather lose my best friend than risk your life.

It's been a week now since you've confronted me and ended our friendship. That day was the worst day of my life. I cried for hours, and then I realised something. I hurt the both of us, you more than me, so I swore by Rao and your name that I would never let myself get close to someone else because they all get hurt in the end. I swore I would learn how to live without you because you told I should.

I remind myself of your words every time I think about visiting you. You told me to leave you alone, so I am. Although I am writing, I know you won't receive it because I won't send it. I won't invade your privacy, and I won't come after you. From now on, I will only see you if you are in danger. I will only go after you to save you. I've stopped listening to your heartbeat. I've tried my best to finish my superhearing but sometimes when I'm flying around patrolling the city I can't help but hear it. I can't help but listen to you sobbing on your couch while drinking wine.  Every time I see you, I was about to go to you, but I remind myself I'm the one who put you in that situation.

Game night isn't the same without you. It sucks, so I have decided to stop going. Plus I didn't win anything since you weren't there and everybody already had their partners. James offered to partner up with me but honestly comparing him to you, he doesn't know me, and I don't know him that well, and two he sucks at chess and practically every game because he doesn't focus. I miss seeing you get all competitive.

You also sold Catco, I would be lying to say that it didn't hurt when I saw some new random lady sitting in your chair, she's sweet, but she's not you. She doesn't know how this place works; she randomly assigned us some articles and kicked us out of the office.

I need to take my mind off of this; I'm going to fly around a bit. There are these beautiful plane fields in Germany, a vast space of grass and hills no one around for miles and the farthest place I can think off. I won't go for long just a couple laps, and I'll be done, things are pretty mellow for Supergirl right now, but Kara has a tough long day in front of her.

Always and forever your guardian,

Kara.

Lena folds the letter and places it back in the envelope fiddling with it before putting away thinking that this was enough for the day. She takes a few deep breaths to stop herself from crying but that all goes out the window when she lays down in her bed and starts sobbing at the reminder of everything that has happened in the past year.

[betsynagler]

The Next Thing We Don’t Get To Talk About

Adolescence was kind of a mystery when I was a tween. Actually, we didn't call tweens “tweens” in the late 70s/early 80s, sort of the Iron Age of coming up with clever, merged names for stuff, and there were lots of other things of whose names we did not speak. My mother was a full-fledged feminist at that point, but a large part of her era’s brand of feminism was about minimizing the differences between men and women. Maybe this is why I didn't know anything about getting my period — heck, I don't think I even knew it was going to happen — until I read Are You There God? It's Me Margaret. In fact, there's a fair amount I wouldn't know about the world if it weren't for Judy Blume. Not that I enjoyed her books, which also included vivid details about wet dreams (Then Again, Maybe I Won't) and teenaged sex (Forever, a book of which I think I may only have read the “good” pages — the ones my friends dog-eared so they could share them, or maybe read them over again alone in their rooms, which was something that never occurred to me to do since masturbation was another thing nobody ever told me about). I didn't like them, partly because even at that age I could tell that “literary” was not a primary value considered by the dog-ear-and-share teen set, but mainly because those books scared the shit out of me. I was an immature kid, a year younger than most of the girls in my grade, and I’d been very happy in the dark, thank you. I didn't want to know about any of this stuff, which seemed entirely gross and overwhelming. Trying to figure out why girls wore skirts when they could wear infinitely more comfortable shorts or overalls was way too complicated for me, I certainly couldn't imagine celebrating when I started bleeding out of my vagina. In fact, I don't know anyone who did, in spite of what Judy wrote. And while my mom was helpful about it when I finally had it (late. I was 14 or 15, which seemed eons after everyone else), she didn't use tampons, so I still had to figure all of that out by myself. But to me, being a teenager was basically about feeling stupid nearly all the time, so to have this one additional thing I was utterly clueless about just seemed normal.

Little did I know how many more holes there were in my knowledge (a lot of it, coincidentally, regarding orifices). I didn't start masturbating until my 20s, since I basically didn't even know I had a clitoris until I was introduced to it by my first real boyfriend at age 21, so I guess that's when I started to understand and pay attention to my sex drive, but I still didn't notice any connection between it and my cycle. Once I got on the pill, I was very regular, and didn't have period symptoms like moodiness or bloating or cramps, so, aside from taking birth control and my uneventful annual gynecological checkup, I never had a need to think about what was going on in my uterus at all besides the usual monthly messiness. Until, that is, my 30s. That's when the hormones hit the fan. It didn't help, no doubt, that my mid-30s was when my midlife crisis started — and yes, I do mean this one, the one that's still going on. I know that probably sounds precocious, and I certainly don't have plans to die at age 68, but that's when I started thinking about my biological clock — or, once again not at all precociously, even realized I had one. So that's when I really had to start considering what the heck I was doing with my life: what my current relationship was all about, where my career was going or not going, and how I was going to make the rest of my life happen — the one that I'd always imagined would start when I sold my first screenplay or made my first feature and then continue successfully from there to all the other things I wanted like kids, money, property ownership. Because it clearly was not happening so far.

As you might imagine, the first step in all that was therapy, and it was my therapist who introduced me to the term “perimenopause.” As in, “Maybe part of the reason you’re moody and depressed is that you're going through perimenopause.” Which is not something that a woman who is hoping to have several more years of fertility wants to hear, even if she doesn't know what it is, exactly, because it has the word “menopause” in it, and that is definitely bad. So my gynecologist gave me tests for my hormones and everything looked normal, but still, I could feel that it wasn’t — or at least, not the normal that I’d been used to. If I wasn't having perimenopause, I was definitely having something, because all of this stuff was happening to me. For one thing, my sex drive had definitely gotten stronger. I wanted sex every day, if not more than once a day, even if my boyfriend didn't. Which was weird. I hadn't been taught that that degree of desire would ever be, well, me. Yes, I'd missed regular sex during the nine years I hadn't had a boyfriend, and that was why I’d learned to masturbate and occasionally made bad choices about men. Still, my need to get laid had never been so strong that I’d made really bad choices, like I knew it drove a lot of other people to do. Now, suddenly, I felt like I could relate a little more to those who felt driven by their genitalia. I had chalked it up to the fact that I was having good, regular sex, after being starved of it for so long, but I was starting to realize that there was more to it than just the horniness. I was also a lot moodier — depressed, anxious, irritable — and it was indeed a lot worse around my period.

I resisted the idea that this was happening for a long time, because it’s the worst type of stereotype that women are ruled by their cycles and made irrational, “hysterical” by our hyster-areas, rather than the way that society beats us down and makes us hate ourselves. But it was impossible not to notice that it wasn’t just these outside forces having an impact on me, something was going on inside me too. And it did seem like, finally, some of my friends were talking about it — like we were finally realizing, in our 30s, it was time to pay attention to what was actually going on with us, rather than what everyone told was supposed to be going on. And of course there was the Internet, although, as usual, whether that was helping or hurting was something of a toss up. You sure could find a lot about how women were at their sexual peak in their 30s, because that was hot, but scientifically established research about all of this other female hormonal business? Not really. So this became my major introduction to the fact that not just my body, but the mind and emotions attached to it, that I always thought of as wholly independent and under my control, were going to change as I got older whether I liked it or not. I could pretend it wasn't happening, or I could accept it and find ways to cope.

Little did I know that there was to be even more stuff for me to find out, a lot of it had to do with having babies, or not having babies. The pain women go through during childbirth, the likelihood of maternal mortality, how many things can go wrong — these were all things I only discovered when friends started having children or trying to get pregnant. I found out only long after it happened that two of my friends had come pretty close to dying during childbirth — and then they each went on to have more kids! This floored me. Then I had four miscarriages/non-viable pregnancies myself and wrote about it, and all my friends were suddenly telling me about their experiences with that. I mean, it was as if these were things we were all just supposed to go through and then shut up about, because nobody wanted to hear the gory details. Post-#metoo, it strikes me as being very similar to sexual harassment and assault. Women have always just been expected to suffer through all sorts of things and never complain, never talk. Because a large part of our value was in how well we lived up to all of the roles of womanhood — ingenue, sex kitten, helpmate, housewife, caretaker, subordinate but necessary breadwinner — without letting our personhood get in the way.

And now, finally, menopause. Which is like all of these things but also worse, because it also has to do with getting old, and that is something, as women, we can never talk about. Again, it's supposed to be each woman’s dirty little secret, hidden by hair dye, Botox, and plastic surgery. Aging is a process that happens to literally every human being, but yet again, women are made to feel like there's something wrong with us when we can’t stop time. And then, to add insult to injury, we stop being fertile, which means we lose the final thing we had going for us if we weren't hot or good cooks: we could at least make babies. Then, we get all of the fun symptoms that go along with that: hot flashes, lowered libido, dry vaginas, mood swings, irregular periods…You thought you hated your period before, but at least with most of us it was predictable, now it's not even that. Some women bleed a lot more, some bleed more often, like every three weeks or so instead of four, but not exactly, so you always have to be prepared, carrying your not-so-little bag of tampons and mini-pads around basically 24-7. And the moodiness becomes practically a month-round thing too (and it's not just grumpiness at never knowing when you're going to start bleeding — although can you imagine men putting up with that? Offices filled with middle-aged, menopausal men — upper management at any corporation, perhaps the entire insurance industry — would basically cease to function).

All of this is normal for women, but you'd never know it from popular culture. Except for the occasional joke about hot flashes and the movie Something's Got To Give, menopause doesn't exist there. So how are we supposed to know that what we're going through is what everyone else is going through? Not just to get advice or support, but even to get a sense whether or not something is wrong. I mean, how soon you're supposed to call your doctor if you have a Viagra mishap? We all pretty much know that now because it's been the punchline in so many rom coms and sitcoms and other kinds of coms. Menopause? Still too icky to make jokes about, apparently. If men don't experience it, I guess it's not “universal” enough to be funny.

I think some of this has changed. My friends who have girls certainly talk to them about a lot more than we talked about with our parents. But I still think the message of our culture is that our experiences of womanhood, the good and the bad, the sad and the fucking hilarious because it's so terrible, are not worth sharing — unless they‘re a turn-on, which, I’m sorry, most things in life just aren’t. I have to wonder, when are we going to stop internalizing the message that what happens to us just doesn't matter as much as what happens to them?

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #133

“i closed my eyes and she slipped away.”

Do you wear a ring on your finger?  Yes, a friendship one with Sara. Do you expect to be married in the next two years?  There's a small chance I'd be engaged, but I doubt married. What is your favorite type of cookie?  Chocolate chip. Are you allergic to pollen?  I actually don't know if I am anymore??  So far this season, I haven't had any issues... Do you have more upper or lower body strength?  Lower like most females. Do you like hot tubs?  Yaaaaaas. Do you know anyone who is battling cancer?  Not currently, thank God. Have you ever donated money to a charity?  Yes. What was the last movie you’ve seen in theaters? Jumanji.  Excellent movie, so funny. Do you prefer Apple or Android?  Apple, but I have an Android currently. Do you like the color lime green?  Ye. Do you like the Silent Hill movies? First one's fantastic, second is a train wreck plot-wise.  I still like it, it's hard for me to not like something SH, but all things considered it's not a great movie. What movie scared you the most out of any other movies?  The only movie that's ever scared me is The Rite, but only because it played on a fear. Tell me something you’ve been made fun of for in the past.  Uhhhh... I'm sure there's something, but I can't remember. Do you support war?  Nope. Have you ever wanted to be on American Idol? When was this?  No. Do you like kissing lightly better than just making out?  No. You get a text from someone saying that they want to hang out - who would you most like it to be from?  Summer. Do you attend school, college, or university?  First I went to a community college, then a university. Name 5 things you don’t believe in.  1.) Destiny, 2.) Reincarnation (although I actually think it'd be quite cool...), 3.) Karma, 4.) Prayer actually affects anything (maybe), 5.) No free healthcare in America. If you could have any friend that you’ve lost back, who would you pick?  Megan. When was the last time you did something for the first time?  Listened to an audiobook. Do you have blinds in your bedroom?  Yes. When was the last time you had an interview? How did it go?  2016.  It went well, but I didn't get the job.  But now I look back and I'm glad lol. What was the most damaging relationship (romantic or not) that you’ve ever been a part of?  Jason. Who was the last person you cut out of your life? Do you regret it?  Colleen.  Nope. Who is the most attractive person you know personally? Not to be sappy, but the longer I date her, the more and more beautiful Sara becomes. Do you remember the first time you truly enjoyed sex? Or have you always?  He was good from the start. Have you ever done anything sexual in a car?  Maybe briefly make out while saying bye, but I dun remember for certain. What do you wish you had been better prepared for?  Adulthood. Do you know anyone with a semicolon tattoo?  Me. Who knows you best, excluding romantic partners?  My mom. The last news you got that shocked you, what was it, and was it good news or bad news?  My little sister may be developing depression.  Obviously awful news. If you have pets, who normally puts food and water in their dish?  Me or Mom. Do you organize the pictures on your computer into different folders or are they all just under “My Pictures”?  The latter. Do you think if someone is in a relationship, that it is acceptable to have sleepovers with other people of their preferred sex? Yes, so long you're not in the same bed. Would you shoot a gun if given the chance? If you’ve shot a gun before, how many different types of guns have you shot?  aajsfsjwoejieoqo NO. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing things like artwork or poetry you’ve written? Is it because you don’t think it’s good enough to show off or because it’s too personal?  OMFG YES I DON'T SHARE SHIT BECAUSE IT'S PERSONAL AND I GET EMBARRASSED TOO EASILY. For those who have anxiety, has anyone ever told you that you just need to calm down and actually face your fears? Were you insulted or frustrated by this comment? OH HI COLLEEN AND NO SHIT. Do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? Why do you despise them?  No. Do knives scare you? Is it from watching scary movies?  Yes, and no.  Their pain/torture capability is terrifying. Say lyrics from the song currently playing?  "It's more than a feeling, more than a feeling when I hear that old song they used to play." If you HAD to get a piercing (not ears) what would you get?  At this very moment, nose.  Once you can see my collarbones again, I'm getting them pierced. How many closets does your house have?
  Three. What has been your most epic cooking failure?
  Uhhhh maybe when I completely split a hot dog open in the microwave lmao. What was the last single item you spent over $100 on?
  A plane ticket. Have you ever climbed a chain-link fence?  Yes. What is your LEAST favorite Disney animated movie? I've never liked The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Who was the last person’s house you went to besides your own? Nicole and Allison's new place. Do you enjoy the birds' singing in the morning?  Yesssss<3 List these apple types from greatest to worst: green, red, yellow.  Red, yellow, green. On YouTube, who are two people you find hilarious?  GameGrumps are fucking hysterical, then one can probably guess Markiplier is an absolute hilarious goof to me. If you had to live in a palace, what would be the color scheme?  Black and pink because #aesthetic. Favorite dinosaur?  SPINOSAURUS. What is the best part of fall?  The colors. <3 Favorite style of hat? No fucking shame I love fedoras. How do you eat Oreos?  Split them apart to eat the center first.  Or dip them in milk.  Now I want Oreos. Name the first vine that you can think of. I cOuLd'Ve dRopPeD mY cRoIsSaNt. Beyonce vs Rihanna?  Beyonce is a Queen. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc.  Hair color? Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight?  Yup, with an ignorant woman regarding depression. What are your favorite smells? Lilac, honeysuckle, bakeries, coffee... Do you shave your pits?  Yes. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived?  No. What light in your house was the last to have a bulb burn out?  Living room. Have you ever been in an abandoned house?  Yes. What is your favorite phase of the moon? Full. What season do you want to get married in?  Autumn. Besides the USA, what is your favorite country?  Maybe Scotland?  I wanna visittt. Would you rather go to Europe or Asia? Europe. Would you rather go to Africa or Australia?  Africa. Would you rather go to Mexico or Canada?  Canada. Are there such things as stupid questions?  Yes. Did you get in trouble for cussing on accident when you were a kid? Yes I literally yelled "HOLY SHIT" in the car lmao. What’s the highest you can count in a different language? 11 in German.  Don't remember 12... Where would you like to be buried?  I would rather be cremated and have a good bit of my ashes returned to the earth while my loved ones keep some. Do you think emo/scene hair is attractive? I'm fucking weak for that shit. Have you ever had yourself drawn in caricature?  No. Have you ever seen a ghost orb picture?  Yes. Do you think abortion should be illegal? No. How many keys are on your key-ring?  One. What are some piercings you want?  Collarbones, nose, TONS more in ears, maybe bellybutton once I'm a skinny legend again.  Maybe dermals in my lower back... maybe. Dogs or cats? Why?  Cats.  More chill, less maintenance. Do any of your pets have strange habits? Explain?  Teddy likes to dig and go in a thousand circles before lying down. Have you ever told an extremely inappropriate joke?  Lmao yes. What is your favorite non-traditional fruit? Pomegranate, probs. What's your favorite older film? The Outsiders. Aliens or unicorns?  Unicorns. Where did you meet your current or last significant other?  YouTube. Would you ever get a face tattoo? There's a small chance I'll get a small, red heart at the corner/below my left eye. If you asked your mom to describe you, what do you think she’d say? I've got a pretty good idea what she'd say: I'm very smart (yeah right, Mom), super creative, unique, and quiet. What is the one thing you'd most like to change about the world? LESS VIOLENCE. What are you most grateful for? My recovery, my girlfriend, my mom, my dad, my psychiatrist and therapist, my improving physical and mental health, my resilience... I have a lot to be grateful for. Who is the most interesting person you've ever met?  My Sara Jane. When do you love yourself most? When people tell me I help them. What would you most readily die for?  Sara. What single word do you hate most?  The "f" word regarding gays. Who in life have you felt the strongest need to protect? Sara. What would you most like to be remembered for after you die?  My mental endurance. What's the biggest surprise you've ever had in bed? Waking up because Jason was caressing my breasts. What is the most sacred thing in your life?  My mental health. Who have you most feared in your life? My dad.  Thank goodness that's not something I have to fear anymore. What was the quickest friendship you ever made? Maybe Priscilla. What single word would you use to most accurately describe your parents?  Dedicated. What is the worst word anyone ever used to describe you? A martyr, but not in the "I'll die for what I believe" way.

[kentonramsey]

You Look Moist: Man Repeller’s Creative Director on the “Obvious” Thing That Changed Her Skin

Welcome to You Look Moist, a regular column wherein Man Repeller asks cool people with glowing visages how they achieved their supreme hydration (amongst other things). Today’s installment features Tiffany Wilkinson, Man Repeller’s Creative Director.

How would you describe your skin?

When I was trying to take a selfie to accompany this feature, I was half-jokingly thinking of asking to rename the franchise “You Look Tired.” I’m 36, and while I recognize this is not “old,” I definitely don’t feel as fresh-faced as I used to. No giggling, Glossier-esqe model here. Just a normal, adult, New York-dwelling woman in the last stretch of winter trying not to look dehydrated.  

How would you describe your skincare approach in general?

When I was younger I was proud of my low-maintenance status. It felt cool to be too busy going out and having fun to have an elaborate skincare routine. I know this sounds disgusting, but I hated washing my face at night, so most of the time I wouldn’t do it. 

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more high-maintenance. I was starting to feel self-conscious about the fine lines on my forehead and I was considering getting Botox. My friend Zeyna (who has incredible skin) said, “don’t get Botox, just get a facial.” Once I’d spent the money on a facial and 30+ years worth of gunk had been extracted from my face, it seemed crazy to go back to the dirty-faced ways of my youth. 

I decided to establish a really decadent evening routine so I’d look forward to washing my face at night. It sounds so obvious now, but this simple act TOTALLY changed my skin, and the adult acne I’d struggled with through my 20s and early 30s disappeared.

Which skin care products are integral to your routine for achieving your ideal, glowing, well-moisturized complexion, and how/when do you use each of them? 

Here’s my routine: 

Evening: I start with Tata Harper Nourishing Oil Cleanser, (okay, I know this is really expensive for something you wash off. But it smells so good, and the aromatherapy effect really encourages me to use it, even if I’ve just woken up on the sofa after sleeping through the last half of Succession.) 

That goes onto a dry face, then I use an Eve Lom Cloth or a Muji Flannel soaked in warm water to take it all off. Afterwards I do a spray of Grown Alchemist Detox Toner–or, even posher–a glug of Amore Pacific Essence. The last step is Linda Rodin’s Olio Lusso, which I started using because I liked the packaging and I thought Linda Rodin was cool. I stuck with it because it smells good, feels nice on my face, and I wake up well-moisturized. She makes a nice Lavender version, too, which is great if you need some extra help sleeping at night. I keep this clear Kosas Lipbalm on my nightstand, which has hyaluronic acid and tastes minty–the perfect accompaniment to freshly brushed teeth. 

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Morning: My morning routine is much more utilitarian. I listen to The Daily in the shower and Michael Barbaro tells me what’s going on in the world while I get clean. I use Cetaphil to wash my face and bar soap for my body. I have a stash from Marfa Brand, they are all so good but my favorite is the Campfire Soap with Lapsang Souchong. 

My mother drilled into me from an early age that to be ashy was a fate worse than death, so post-shower I do an intense body moisturizing session. I’ll either use True Botanicals Body Oil on wet skin straight out of the shower, or depending on how dried-out I’m feeling, I’ll use Weleda Sea Buckthorn Fluid or Weleda Skin Food Body Butter. I like that they are natural options (no petroleum) but not super expensive. In the dead of winter, if I’m feeling really extra, I’ll use the Hyaluronic Acid from the Ordinary under my lotion. It’s especially good on my shins which after four months of being suffocated in tights can get a little dry (and, dare I say it—”scaley”).

On my face I’ll use the same Hyaluronic Acid, then either Dr Jart Ceramidin Cream, which I copied from Harling. Or this Susanne Kaufmann one which is all-natural and super thick. Then a blob of SPF. 

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What about makeup products? 

The basic makeup products in my rotation are RMS Uncover Up, Hourglass Volumizing Brow Gel, Kevin Aucoin’s Mascara. 

Then, I have a million different cream blushes on rotation; Jillian Dempsey Check Tint in Sunny (Most natural/invisible, looks like you but healthier.) Olio E Osso Balm in Tea Rose (works on lips and cheeks and is especially good if you don’t have anything else on–I’ll put on before I go work out because it has a sporty vibe.) Or Kjaer Weis (sexiest bond girl packaging, good to keep in your bag for touch-ups.) 

If I’m going out in the evening and want to feel like I’ve made a bit of an effort, I’ll do some smudgy brown kohl, a liquid eyeliner flick, or a red lip. This Kosas red is a flattering ’90s-ish brick color. 

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What’s the cheapest product you use regularly and love?

Sleep, water, and this natural deodorant. I’ve tested a lot of different types in the quest for the perfect natural deodorant. This one works the best, has cute ’70s packaging and is also the cheapest ($3!). My boyfriend started using it, too, so now we bulk buy it on Amazon. 

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Is there anything you try to avoid, skincare- or makeup-wise?

There was a period where I was really overdoing it with the exfoliation. P50, Retinol, Lactic Acid–you name it, I was exfoliating with it. Every article I read was lauding these really active products, so I kept buying them and my skin got really sensitive and bumpy. My facialist told me to cool it and just use Hyaluronic Acid. Now I only exfoliate once a week, normally with this Tata Harper Resurfacing Mask, which really feels like it gets in there and sets me up for the week ahead. 

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Inside the waterfall > outside the waterfall

A post shared by tiffany wilkinson (@the_wilkinson) on Oct 20, 2019 at 1:42pm PDT

Any next-level tips, tricks, or services that you swear by to help you look “lit from within”?

I started taking the Prebiotic Probiotic from The Nue Co (#MRPartner) about a year ago. I was traveling a lot and wanted a probiotic that didn’t need to be kept in the fridge to help with the digestive issues I was having from all the flying. This one did the trick, and the difference it made to my skin was a happy side effect. I recently started taking their Skin Hydrator too, which is collagen plus hyaluronic acid. Since I’m already in the habit of applying hyaluronic acid topically to my face and legs, I like the idea that this product gives me an extra dose on the inside, too.

See All 2

Then every other month I’ll get a facial. I alternate between Rescue Spa for an indulgent, self-care moment with fruit water, relaxing spa vibes and a nice shop with a well-curated product selection that’s fun to browse even if you aren’t getting a treatment. Then for a more utilitarian, “tough love” kind of facial I go to Haven Spa, around the corner from the MR Office. I see Mariola for the Boot Camp

Facial, which is exactly what it sounds like—lots of extractions, lots of pressure on your face. A week afterward, my skin looks really clear and I can basically stop wearing makeup. 

What’s your go-to product or trick for fixing a skin disaster?

For spots and pimples, I like Sunday Riley’s Saturn Mask. It will nuke a zit overnight, but buyer beware: Use it really sparingly, as a spot treatment only (not full face), because it’s strong! 

As a trick for looking fresher without makeup, I use KNC Lip Masks. I noticed I lost a little volume in my lips as I got older. These masks temporarily plump them back up, which has an overall pick-me-up effect, especially in the winter when everything can get a little dried out. 

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Do you do anything differently skincare-wise when you travel?

Pre-flight I always test out the most expensive moisturizer I can find when I go through the duty-free shop. On the plane I put a little oil inside my nose using my pinkie finger to stop it from drying out in the recycled air.  

Once I’m away, I’m normally a weird combination of being extra diligent about some things (applying sunscreen religiously), and a little sloppy about other things because I’m often missing some products due to packing in a rush. But I love an excuse to visit pharmacies in foreign countries, so in that sense it’s kind of nice to forget things. 

What’s something you wish your teenage self knew about taking care of your skin?

Wash your face and don’t waste your time feeling insecure about your looks.

The post You Look Moist: Man Repeller’s Creative Director on the “Obvious” Thing That Changed Her Skin appeared first on Man Repeller.

You Look Moist: Man Repeller’s Creative Director on the “Obvious” Thing That Changed Her Skin published first on https://normaltimepiecesshop.tumblr.com/ You Look Moist: Man Repeller’s Creative Director on the “Obvious” Thing That Changed Her Skin published first on https://mariakistler.tumblr.com/

[foursprouthappiness-blog]

17 Women Reveal What It’s Really Like To Have Vaginismus

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/17-women-reveal-what-its-really-like-to-have-vaginismus/

17 Women Reveal What It’s Really Like To Have Vaginismus

God & Man

Vaginismus is a medical condition caused by an involuntary muscle spasm that makes penetrating a woman’s vagina almost impossible. If it’s possible at all, it is accompanied by howling pain.

Vaginismus can be primarily a physical condition, a psychological condition, or a mixture of both.

Several possible factors for the condition include a history of sexual abuse, urinary tract infections, vaginal yeast infections, generalized anxiety, and a strict upbringing wherein sex is associated with sin and shame.

Primary vaginismus is a condition in which a woman was never able to experience penetration without pain; secondary vaginismus can develop after initial success with penetration.

Treatments include therapy with vaginal dilators as well as Botox treatments, which reduce vaginal tone.

Since it impedes intimacy, vaginismus can have devastating consequences for a woman’s love life. Here are seventeen women sharing their emotionally and physically traumatic experiences with vaginismus.

1. It was simply the ‘brick wall’ effect. When we tried penetration, my vagina just shut him out.

“I’m 22 and first tried to have sex when I was 16—where there was no pain, it was simply the ‘brick wall’ effect. When we tried penetration, my vagina just shut him out. Since then, I’ve only tried a handful more times, partly because dating and being in a relationship has never been a big priority for me, but also partly because of the knowledge, which I kept a secret from everyone in my life, that something was wrong and I couldn’t.”

2. The pain was like a tearing, burning pain that felt like I was being ripped in half.

“My story began seven years ago when I lost my virginity. It hurt a lot but I thought that was normal for the first time. Then it kept happening. Every time. The pain was like a tearing, burning pain that felt like I was being ripped in half. Sometimes I would be fighting back tears but out of a fear of being uptight, I kept trying and trying and trying. For me, sex became something I had to do to have boyfriend. Not a mutually enjoyable way of displaying affection for another human being. It was, sadly, a transaction.

It got to a point where I knew something was seriously wrong because none of my friends experienced any pain beyond the first time. Granted not many of them experienced orgasm from penetration in itself, but they didn’t seem to mind having sex. Whereas, for me, it was the stuff of nightmares.”

3. Vaginismus is an isolating monster.

“Vaginismus is an isolating monster. That’s about the best way I can describe it. It makes you feel alone in a situation that no one understands, broken and unable to be fixed, helpless despite countless attempts, and betrayed by your own body.  You feel frustrated that while with every other situation you are an extremely logical person, you just can’t get your body to listen to you or you can’t understand what is going on.…Fast forward to my honeymoon. Failure. After many attempts, sex just wasn’t happening for us. My husband would say it felt like he was hitting a brick wall. There was no way he was getting in there. For me, it was just painful. My husband was so sweet, but we both were frustrated.”

4. Vaginismus put me in a dark place. I felt this awful feeling in my gut that wouldn’t go away.

“Vaginismus put me in a dark place. I felt this awful feeling in my gut that wouldn’t go away.

What was wrong with me? Why me? Why had this happened to me, the one who had supposedly done everything right by waiting to have sex until after marriage?

My self-esteem plummeted. I didn’t feel sexy or spontaneous anymore. I couldn’t do the one thing everyone wants to do and talks about being the most incredible thing ever. I couldn’t do it. My body wouldn’t let me. Why? Who was I supposed to talk to about this? What would people think? I was terrified to discuss it with anyone who knew me because I didn’t want it to define me. I didn’t want my friend or my sister to look at me and think she’s not a real woman; she can’t have sex. Or it’s all in her head; why doesn’t she just buck up and do it? Because my body wouldn’t let me.

Vaginismus is a protective reflex. And as much as I reminded myself of this, I still blamed myself. I felt so stupid. So alone. I cried almost every day. Crying was actually the only way I felt I could release the pain and stress that I was feeling. I would stand in the shower where the running water would drown out my crying and I would just sob.”

5. My partner was not comfortable penetrating me while I lay there with tears streaming down my cheeks. I felt miserable.

“I can remember only one time in high school that I tried to wear a tampon. I grabbed one of my mom’s, sat on the toilet, and tried to put it in. It wouldn’t go. I remember it just felt tight and uncomfortable. Confused and slightly embarrassed (what girl doesn’t even know how to wear a tampon?), I gave up and went back to wearing pads….Losing your virginity is supposed to hurt, right? (Feminist news flash: No.) But it hurt too much for me to just bear it, and my partner was not comfortable penetrating me while I lay there with tears streaming down my cheeks. I felt miserable. I felt like I was letting my partner down (to his credit, he never ever told me this). I felt like I was at war with my own body….”

6. I felt that my body hated me and would always work against me. I felt that God did not like me, and that I did not deserve to experience such special things as sex and childbirth.

“From quite a young age (approx. 15), I became aware that I was ‘different’. It started, as it often does, with a tampon! I could not insert one—I went through countless packets trying, and would cry after every failed attempt. My boyfriend could not even penetrate me with a finger, so sex was off the table. I desperately tried to allow him in, but would end up in tears due to the pain. I went through various relationships since then (I am 22)….Whether I was single or involved with someone, I had a constant feeling that there was a huge gap in my life. I felt abnormal—like a ‘freak’. I felt that my body hated me and would always work against me. I felt that God did not like me, and that I did not deserve to experience such special things as sex and childbirth. I felt that this was simply my burden to bear—some people get cancer, some get into accidents, some are born into disadvantaged backgrounds, some people can’t see or hear—my burden was that I could never have sex or have children. I learned to block it out, and in some way accept that I could never be a mother or an intimate partner. It is difficult to describe these feelings so matter of factly, because I don’t think I can ever put into words the pain, self-hatred, loneliness, depression, anxiety and deep, deep sadness I felt over the years at such a young and vulnerable age. I felt I was all alone in the world, and I did not really serve a purpose. I was heartbroken and confused.”

7. I grew angry with God for putting us in this situation that I felt we didn’t deserve.

“September 25th, 2009—before the honeymoon, life couldn’t be more than the fairytale it already was.  We were making plans; dreaming away about a big house, landing great careers after completing college in the future, having kids we could share our beloved Disney movies with, go on the most romantic vacations around the world.

Naturally, we never knew there is something that could go wrong when everything seemed to be going right…until a certain circumstance provided the opportunity for us to see this.

On our honeymoon, everything came to a halt.  Something was very wrong—with me.

We would later learn from an irritated gynecologist that I have vaginismus.

Before knowing that, everything became a blur.  I didn’t understand why my body wasn’t functioning normally like the women on TV, romance novels, or basically all of the females in my life.

My husband and his growing temper of frustration intimidated me due to the less answers we had to why we couldn’t consummate.  I remember once he prayed with me before we tried again, but I was crying because I already knew that it wasn’t going to happen.  I grew angry with God for putting us in this situation that I felt we didn’t deserve.”

8. I suffered in silence. I was deathly afraid of any form of vaginal penetration.

“For 22 years, I suffered in silence. I was deathly afraid of any form of vaginal penetration. I was not able to insert a Q-tip in my vagina much less a tampon. I trembled at the thought of a gynecological exam and over the years I became extremely depressed by the reality of never becoming a real woman because I couldn’t have sex. Sex seemed impossible. I had no idea why this was happening especially since I had a very high libido. I would ask myself questions like ‘Is something wrong with my anatomy?’ ‘Do I not like men enough?’ ‘Am I just destined to be a virgin?’ ‘Intercourse seems like such as simple concept, what is wrong with me?’”

9. Every attempt at any insertion I made, even with a Q-tip, hit a wall created by a malfunction of my own body.

“After 8 years of failing to use tampons, missing pool parties, kicking gynecologists and pitifully informing boyfriends of this seemingly incurable problem, I was at the max point of desperation. I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to hold any kind of stable relationship I wanted. I debated trying to skip every period with birth control. Gynecologists were confused—we knew the term for what I had, but there was nothing for therapy to fix and no place for dilators to go. I wasn’t fearful of sex or penetration, and libido and orgasm had never been issues. I was told over and over that, with the right person and the right timing, and maybe a Xanax, I would naturally just… get over it. But sedatives did nothing. Relaxation, breathing, and moving slow did nothing. Sexual comfort, attraction, and a strong relationship did nothing. I could do kegels like a champion and, as a psychology student, had already ruled out hypnosis. Therapists didn’t seem to understand what the issue was. Every attempt at any insertion I made, even with a Q-tip, hit a wall created by a malfunction of my own body. Opportunities came and went and that moment of breakthrough did not come.”

10.  I started to notice that sex was becoming very difficult, almost like my vagina was no longer big enough for a penis.

Almost like it was hitting a wall.

“I have been dealing with vaginismus on and off for three years after a long period of enjoying a normal, healthy sex life. I’ll never really know what caused my vaginismus but always put it down to a combination of a reoccurring case of thrush I suffered with and day to day stress.

My partner and I have been together for just over 6 years and have a great relationship. We were friends for a long time before our first real ‘date’ and are still friends. Making the transition from friends to lovers was interesting but fun, getting to know each other in new ways and learning new things about each other.

At first I started to notice that sex was becoming very difficult, almost like my vagina was no longer big enough for a penis.

Almost like it was hitting a wall. It took me six months of frustrating attempts at sex to eventually see my doctor.”

11. When we tried the first time, we couldn’t even find the entrance to my vagina.

“I had been going out with my partner 7 months when we first attempted intercourse. When we tried the first time, we couldn’t even find the entrance to my vagina. Truth be told, I didn’t really know where it was as I had never seen a diagram and had never really had cause to look for it *smiles* For months after this, we continued trying to have intercourse, until finally I decided myself that I wanted to deal with it. I had briefly come across vaginismus online in the course of doing some research, and had considered that was possibly what I had but I didn’t dare make a self-diagnosis, and so I went to a women’s health centre in the city where I’m from in Ireland, and it was here that I was first diagnosed with vaginismus.”

12. It just would not go in, and him being a virgin too, we just gave up.

“I attempted to have sex the first time when I was 15. It just would not go in, and him being a virgin too, we just gave up. But every time any boyfriend I had tried to touch me down there it hurt, but I never said anything. I had a older female friend who convinced me that I wasn’t supposed to enjoy it. So as I got older I sought out relationships that didn’t revolve around sex, and kept it to myself that something wasn’t right. I married at 18 to man who knew, from our attempts, that I could not get anything in there. So we tried and tried, convinced it was just me needing to be ‘broken’ like any normal virgin.”

13.  So back to the wedding night, time for the ‘Big Deal,’ and my vagina didn’t work!

“I had assumed that as a seemingly normal, healthy, twenty-something-year-old virgin (maybe not so normal) that things would go pretty well, you know, sex-wise. I never really noticed anything amiss before.  I didn’t wear tampons (they freaked me out).  I’d had a pelvic exam once, but it ended with the external examination because my doc thought I seemed too anxious (which I am, I’m super anxious).  So back to the wedding night, time for the ‘Big Deal,’ and my vagina didn’t work! WHhaT!? I’d never heard of such a thing in my life! So confusing, awkward and a little painful; my husband and I were bumfuzzled to say the least.  It was still a great night, don’t get me wrong, just missed out on the ‘big shebang’ is all.”

14. There’s no other way to describe it than that it feels like a brick wall; my pelvic muscles would clench shut to the point it felt like there was a complete block.

“I’d always been a bit squeamish when it came to anything to do with sex or periods when I was younger; I would faint when they started talking about sex education in high school, and would have to be taken out of class. But when I started thinking about having sex at the age of 18 with my high school boyfriend, it became obvious there was a deeper problem.

No matter how hard we tried, we just couldn’t have sex. Everyone says it’s difficult, they advise you to relax and have some wine, so I did—I had plenty of wine—but still, it never worked. There’s no other way to describe it than that it feels like a brick wall; my pelvic muscles would clench shut to the point it felt like there was a complete block.”

15. The muscles in my thighs tightened, as if I was bracing myself before a plane crash.

“Four months into our relationship — a long time by anyone’s standards — we decided to have sex. Though I’d hooked up with guys at college since the rape, I’d yet to have sex with anyone. I wasn’t afraid, but I wanted the person I was sleeping with to know my story and to care. I didn’t want any casual one-night stand to remind me of what happened that night in 2006. Dave was special to me.

I lay on the bed, on my back. He slipped my dress off me, and I felt overwhelmingly vulnerable. The muscles in my thighs tightened, as if I was bracing myself before a plane crash. I choked on my own breath as he guided himself into me, my vagina contracted and seemed to clench, creating a wall.

He wasn’t getting through. My legs slammed together; the balls of my feet kicked him off me.

‘Whoa, whoa,’ he balanced himself on the post of my bed, ‘what was that?’”

16. My condition definitely made me feel like I had less to offer than other women.

“When I got to college I had a couple sexual partners within my first year, and it was a very nerve-wracking experience to have to tell my partners about my problem. The first guy was ‘super-freaked out’ by it, told me he couldn’t ‘teach me to enjoy sex’ and that was the end of that. The second guy was a little more understanding. However, he did say once that he felt like he was raping me when we were having sex; I was so clearly in pain.

I just forced myself to do it even though I was in intense pain because I wanted to be a normal girl. I knew if I couldn’t have sex, it would basically prohibit me from having any sort of romantic relationship. My condition definitely made me feel like I had less to offer than other women.”

17. It feels like something sharp is scraping my insides.

“I’ve had this condition for 2 years now and it has been the hardest 2 years. I’m in a good relationship with an awesome guy, but vaginismus has definitely put a strain on our relationship.

I did not always have this problem; it just hurt one night and then turned into a continuous thing. The first year it didn’t bother me as much as it confused me. This condition has taken its toll on me both mentally and physically. It feels like something sharp is scraping my insides.  But needless to say my partner has gotten way better on the issue and has stood by my side through everything. This year my partner has also been doing research on this topic and has a better understanding on things. He has learned to not let it bother him like it did before. It has been the complete opposite with me. I can honestly say that I have let vaginismus affect me in the worst way.”

[alia15]

Self-Care (is a stupid term but it’s important)

Two words I always see in the blogging world (it’s a very popular subject to write about) that, quite frankly, annoy me:

“Self-care.”

What’s it mean?  Well, it’s pretty self-explanatory -- but a quick Google search tells me its definition is:

noun

1.care of the self without medical or other professional consultation.    

When you’re sick -- a bad cold, a sinus infection, the flu, etc. -- you might go to a doctor.  You’ve recognized that your physical health is not up to par and you need fixin'.  So how does a doctor fix it?  Drugs, usually.  In a few days you’ll likely see your health improving and eventually, you’ll be better.  Back to normal (whatever that is).

But why don’t most humans do the same thing when their MENTAL health needs fixing?  I don’t mean the drastic kind of fixing that might ALSO require a doctor, but the other stuff.  The stuff we all have.

Stress.

Anxiety.

Feeling of being overwhelmed.

...and overworked.

Needing a break.

Needing pampering.

A lot of times we ignore this stuff and look to just ride it out: 

“Once this big project at work is over I’ll be good.”

“Summers are always crazy; things will slow down in the fall.”

“Everything just kind of hit me at once but it’ll all calm down soon.”

And you know what?  Sometimes things do work themselves out.  We do overcome stress and funks and waves of panicky anxiousness. 

But for the times it doesn’t?  There’s self-care.  I hate the term, you hate the term, we all hate the term: but it’s a thing.  An important thing.  It’s learning to recognize when you’re burnt out and need to do something (or things) for yourself to feel better.  To become more relaxed.  To improve your life.  

August has been an insane whirlwind for me.  In a short amount of time I’ve experienced:

The birth of my nephew (amazing!)

Awful, crippling and frequent migraines (bad!)

As a result, dealing with doctor’s appointments, unhelpful pharmacies, inflexible insurance companies and spending way too much money on it all (bad!)

Getting 31 Botox injections for aforementioned migraines (painful, but necessary!)

Getting a promotion at work (great!)

Busy weekends and social events (fun!)

...that have kept me from getting things done in my personal life and therefore making me feel overwhelmed that I have no time for any of it (bad!)

And then, as I suspected it would, it all came to a head.  I started feeling burdened, overtaxed and on edge.  I felt like things were slipping away from me.  My apartment was messy, my blog was untouched, my refrigerator was empty, my nails were chipped, my hair was in desperate need of a cut, errands were not being run... and.  Welp. 

me.

Here’s the thing, though.  I (finally) recognized it.  It had gone on for too long and I wanted -- no, NEEDED -- to stop for a second.  And the timing couldn’t have been better as I already scheduled to take some days off of work as I’ve done in years past for a mini ‘staycation.’  In the past few days I’ve had off I’ve vowed to be a little selfish.  I am taking care of ME.  I cleaned my apartment, I got a mani/pedi, I food shopped and I made a hair appointment.  I’ve been to the beach twice.  I’m seeing some good friends I hadn’t seen because of well, life, and I’m ALSO doing... nothing.

Nothing at all.

I’ve crossed some items off of my to-do list which had previously been collecting dust and ignored and I find myself having time.  Like, a lot of it.  

I ordered a new desk for my apartment so when I work from home and write I feel like I have a designated and special place to do it, instead of sitting in an uncomfortable kitchen chair.  That made me happy.   Sometimes, it’s the little things. 

I know that I’ll eventually have to go back to reality and life will be busy again, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t need to do this.  It’s hitting a proverbial reset button; it’s recharging your dead battery.  And like I said, it’s important.

And I hope you’re doing it, too.  

{tell me, what have you been up to? how do you practice self-care? CAN YOU BELIEVE SUMMER IS ALMOST OVER?}