#i have DISTINCT memories of watching 3 in theaters with my brother and some family friends tho. and liking it

[amandabe11man]

I don’t consider Spiderman 3 bad but it’s certainly the weakest in the og trilogy so I'm ashamed to say that from what I remember, Spiderman 3 was the only one of the raimi-movies I saw in theaters when it came out, lol

[dweemeister]

2019 Movie Odyssey

Welcome to the new decade, to the new year 2020.

This is usually posted on New Year’s Eve, but I was watching the final movie of the 2019 Movie Odyssey last night. For those of you who do not know, the “Movie Odyssey” refers to all films that I have seen for the first time in their entirety - no rewatches. We’re going to go in a different order this week, so some for-fun awards will be posted later this week and the 2019 Movie Odyssey Awards will be on Sunday, January 5. As I go through things like The Irishman, Little Women, 1917, and Parasite, I will be posting some very tardy “Best of 2010s”-related posts. Hey, I may be from the Greater Los Angeles Area, but those Hollywood theaters that show all those prestige movies are far from where I live. I don’t always get to see those movies in a timely fashion. I digress...

The number of short films I saw this year increased dramatically (from 2018′s number of 107 to 2019′s 166) because I was on the 2019 Viet Film Fest’s curatorial committee, in addition to the fact that Turner Classic Movies (TCM) is continuing to show a Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM) short and a Popeye short every Saturday morning except in Februaries, Augusts, and select holiday weekends. Developments in my professional life - and probably exacerbated by the fact I was on the Viet Film Fest’s curatorial committee and had to see many shorts and the presence of vacation and the 2019 FIFA Women’s World Cup - saw a nosedive in the number of feature-length films and serials watched (108 feature-length films and serials this year compared to 156 last year). The total number of films actually increased, probably because of that uptick in shorts.

In addition to having the privilege of having seen many films made by and/or starring Vietnamese and Vietnamese from around the world and learning more about my heritage, I saw many more documentaries - in short and feature-length form - this year compared to others. But yet again this year (and we’re going to chalk this up to the clashes of professional developments at Viet Film Fest), there is a distinct lack of African and Latin American films for the 2019 Movie Odyssey. Knowing a handful of titles I have in the DVR, the former should be represented this year, but I have to make a better effort on searching for and finding films from Latin America.

Like every year, I thank all of you for being supporters of myself and for this old blog. I didn’t write too many Movie Odyssey reviews last year; if ever a Movie Odyssey review engages one person, that is a wonderful thing. So whether you have read, liked, reblogged, commented on, or shared a review, my thanks. And for those who have talked to me about movies we have both seen, are anticipating, or asking questions about something that appears on this blog, my thanks to you too. This blog, slower though it may be these days, would not be possible without you.

The 2019 Movie Odyssey has closed. With that, the 2020 Movie Odyssey has begun. The movies that comprised 2019′s are listed below. We began with an iconic American gangster film and ended with something different from the Czechoslovak New Wave.

As many of you know, all ratings are based on my imdb rating and half-points are always rounded down. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here. A 6/10 is considered the borderline between “passing” and “failing”. Feature-length narrative films, serials, documentaries, and short films are rated within their respective spectrums. Without further ado:

JANUARY

Little Caesar (1931) – 9/10

Ventriloquist Cat (1950 short) – 6/10

Let’s Get Movin’ (1936 short) – 6/10

Mary Poppins Returns (2018) – 7/10

Modest Heroes (2018, Japan) – 6.5/10

Tit for Tat (1935 short) – 8/10

The Ascent (1977, Soviet Union) – 10/10

The Lost Chick (1935 short) – 7/10

Little Swee’pea (1936 short) – 6/10

Smokey and the Bandit (1977) – 7.5/10

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) – 6/10

The World’s Greatest Athlete (1973) – 4/10

The Last Flight of Noah’s Ark (1980) – 4/10

Barney Bear’s ‘Polar Pest’ (1944 short) – 5.5/10

Hold the Wire (1936 short) – 7/10

Green Book (2018) – 6/10

Hell to Eternity (1960) – 6/10

The Curse of Quon Gwon: When the Far East Mingles with the West (1916 short) – scored withheld; film is partially lost

How to Play Football (1944 short) – 7/10

Gus (1976) – 4/10

BlacKkKlansman (2018) – 9/10

The Great McGinty (1940) – 8/10

FEBRUARY (2019’s 31 Days of Oscar)                                                

Vice (2018) – 3/10

The Informer (1935) – 9.5/10

O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000) – 7.5/10

Late Afternoon (2017 short) – 8/10

Animal Behaviour (2018 short) – 7/10

Weekends (2017 short) – 8.5/10

One Small Step (2018 short) – 7.5/10

Wishing Box (2017 short) – 6/10

Tweet Tweet (2018 short, Russia) – 6/10

Lost & Found (2018 short) – 7/10

Street Angel (1928) – 7.5/10

Thousands Cheer (1943) – 6/10

Fantastic Voyage (1966) – 6/10

Hale County This Morning, This Evening (2018) – 8/10

Madre (2017 short, Spain) – 7.5/10

Fauve (2018 short, Canada) – 7/10

Marguerite (2017 short, Canada) – 8.5/10

Detainment (2018 short) – 5/10

Skin (2018 short) – 7/10

Henry V (1944) – 8.5/10

Minding the Gap (2018) – 8/10

Black Sheep (2018 short) – 7/10

End Game (2018 short) – 7.5/10

A Night at the Garden (2018 short) – 7/10

Lifeboat (2018 short) – 7/10

Period. End of Sentence. (2018 short) – 8/10

MARCH

What Price Hollywood? (1932) – 7/10

Anastasia (1956) – 7.5/10 (31 Days of Oscar ends)

King of Jazz (1930) – 7/10

How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (2019) – 7.5/10

Captain Marvel (2019) – 6/10

The Chinese Nightingale (1935 short) – 6/10

The Spinach Roadster (1936 short) – 6.5/10

Ginger and Fred (1986, Italy) – 6/10

Wee Willie Wildcat (1953 short) – 6/10

I’m in the Army Now (1936 short) – 5/10

Officer Pooch (1941 short) – 6/10

The Paneless Window Washer (1937 short) – 7/10

Us (2019) – 8.5/10

APRIL

Rock-a-Bye Bear (1952 short) – 8.5/10

Organ Grinder’s Swing (1937 short) – 7/10

The Great White Hope (1970) – 6/10

The African Lion (1955) – 8/10

Yellowstone Cubs (1963) – 7/10

Shazam! (2019) – 7/10

The Flying Bear (1941 short) – 6/10

My Artistical Temperature (1937 short) – 7/10

Ocean’s Eight (2018) – 7/10

The Hick Chick (1946 short) – 6/10

Hospitaliky (1937 short) – 8/10

One Foot in Heaven (1941) – 8/10

MAY

Sons of the Desert (1933) – 10/10

Lonesome Lenny (1946 short) – 7.5/10

The Twisker Pitcher (1937 short) – 7/10

The Country Cousin (1936 short) – 7/10

Barnyard Babies (1935 short) – 6/10

Morning, Noon and Night Club (1937 short) – 6/10

Avengers: Endgame (2019) – 7/10

The Calico Dragon (1935 short) – 7.5/10

Lost and Foundry (1937 short) – 7/10

Detective Pikachu (2019) – 6/10

The Wild Country (1970) – 6/10

I Never Changes My Altitude (1937 short) – 7/10

Murder, She Said (1961) – 7.5/10

Farewell to Dream (1956, Japan) – 7/10

The Human Comedy (1943) – 7/10

A Better Life (2011) – 8/10

Booksmart (2019) – 7.5/10

The Goose Goes South (1941 short) – 6.5/10

I Likes Babies and Infinks (1937 short) – 6/10

The Hound and the Rabbit (1937 short) – 6/10

The Football Toucher Downer (1937 short) – 7/10

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019) – 6/10

JUNE

A Rainy Day with the Bear Family (1940 short) – 6/10

Protek the Weakerist (1937 short) – 7/10

Rocketman (2019) – 7/10

The Rookie Bear (1941 short) – 6/10

Fowl Play (1937 short) – 6/10

Let’s Celebrake (1938 short) – 7/10

Hoài (Ongoing, Memory) (2018 short) – 7.5/10*

Pelvicachromis (2018 short, Germany) – 6.5/10*

Screen Time (2019 short) – 5/10*

The Bridge Between Vietnam Traditional Music and the World (2018 short, Vietnam) – 6/10*

Journey of Wanderers (2019 short, Vietnam) – 7/10*

Toy Story 4 (2019) – 8/10

The Homeless Flea (1940 short) – 6/10

Learn Polikeness (1938 short) – 6/10

Abandoned Ones (2017, United Kingdom) – 8/10*

Jasmine Lane (2019 short, France) – 7/10*

Cosmic Beauty (2019 short) – experimental film; score withheld*

Blue Noise (2018 short) – experimental film; score withheld*

The Undeniable Force of Khó Khăn (2018 short) – experimental film; score withheld*

Push (2018 short) – 7/10*

Sorge 87 (2017 short, Germany) – experimental film; score withheld*

Embarko (2019 short) – 5/10*

Tiger Child (2019 short) – 5.5/10*

The Wedding Dress (Áo Dài) (2019 short) – 5/10*

Thanksgiving (2018 short) – 7.5/10*

Little Father (Petit Père) (2017 short, France) – 6/10*

While I Breathe, I Hope (2018) – 7/10*

The House Builder-Upper (1938 short) – 7/10

Edge of Tomorrow (2014) – 7.5/10

Creed II (2018) – 7/10

JULY

The Garden of Mr. Vong (2017 short, Germany) – 7.5/10*

Made in Vietnam (2017) – 7/10*

The Mechanical Butcher (1895 short, France) – 6/10

Lively Pillow Fight by Children (1898 short, France) – 7/10

Win My Baby Back (2019, Vietnam) – 5/10*

In Full Bloom (2019 short) – experimental film; score withheld*

Flagged (2017 short) – 6.5/10*

An American Family (2018 short) – 6/10*

Two Paper Nightingales (2019 short) – 6/10*

The Kite Under the Rain (2018 short, Thailand) – 6/10*

Table Stakes (2019 short) – 6/10*

Alexa and May (2018 short) – experimental film; score withheld*

Tôi là thằng khốn (Miserasshole) (2018 short, Vietnam) – 4/10*

Influencer (2018 short) – 5/10*

Pure, Like Flower (2019 short) – 2/10*

Searching for the None (2018 short) – 7/10*

Hiệu (2018 short) – 8/10*

The Man with the Wooden Face (2017 short, Vietnam) – 4/10*

Finding the Virgo (2018) – 6.5/10*

Thạch Thảo (2018, Vietnam) – 6/10*

Tundra (2018 short, Canada) – 7/10*

The Colors You Can’t See (2019 short) – 6/10*

Touching the Moon: The Ngo Thanh Van Story (2019 short, Vietnam) – 5/10*

Cold Fish (Cá Đông) (2018 short, Vietnam)* - experimental film; score withheld

Gold (2018 short) – 5.5/10*

The Immortal (2018, Vietnam) – 6/10*

Le Van Khoa: A Lifetime of Arts (2018) – 6/10*

No More Than This (2019 short) – experimental film; score withheld*

Little Sunny (2018 short, Vietnam) – 7/10*

Song Lang (2018, Vietnam) – 8/10*

Roommate (2018 short, Vietnam) – experimental film; score withheld*

The Bloody Hand (Bàn Tay Máu) (2019) – 6/10*

Ephemeral (2018 short) – experimental film; score withheld*

New Year’s Dream (2019, Vietnam) – 5/10*

Sister 13 (2019, Vietnam) – 6/10*

The Moment (2018 short) – 5/10*

Ramadan (2018 short) – 7/10*

American Girl (2018 short) – 5/10*

Red Thread (2019 short, Canada) – 6/10*

Like an Old House (2017, Vietnam) – 6.5/10*

If Beale Street Could Talk (2018) – 8/10

Walk Run Cha-Cha (2019 short) – 8/10*

Picking Things Up (Nối Lại Tình Xưa) (2019 short, Canada) – 6/10*

Seadrift (2019) – 7/10*

Big Chief Ugh-Amugh-Ugh (1938 short) – 4/10

I Yam Love Sick (1938 short) – 6/10

It’s Always There (2019 short, Vietnam) – 7/10*

Scandal Sheet (1952) – 7/10

Poultry Pirates (1938 short) – 5/10

Plumbing Is a ‘Pipe’ (1938 short) – 6/10

Tom Turkey and His Harmonica Humdingers (1940 short) – 6/10

The Jeep (1938 short) – 8/10

AUGUST

Pavarotti (2019) – 7/10

Overlord (1975) – 8/10

The Perils of Pauline (1947) – 6/10

The Moon-Spinners (1964) – 7/10

Dr. Mabuse the Gambler (1922, Germany) – 7.5/10

The Littlest Horse Thieves (1976) – 7/10

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019) – 8/10

Design for Living (1933) – 7/10

Barnali (1963, India) – 7.5/10

The Whales of August (1987) – 7.5/10

SEPTEMBER

The Farewell (2018) – 8.5/10

Fun and Fancy Free (1947) – 5/10

Donald’s Tire Trouble (1943 short) – 7/10

The Uninvited Pest (1943 short) – 6/10

Bulldozing the Bull (1938 short) – 6/10

The Love Bug (1968) – 6/10

The Old Pioneer (1934 short) – 5/10

Mutiny Ain’t Nice (1938 short) – 7/10

La Pointe Courte (1955, France) – 7.5/10

The Happiest Millionaire (1967) – 6/10

The Art of Skiing (1941 short) – 7/10

Ad Astra (2019) – 8.5/10

Goonland (1938 short) – 8/10

The Peanut Butter Falcon (2019) – 6/10

Toyland Broadcast (1934 short) – 5/10

A Date to Skate (1938 short) – 7/10

OCTOBER

Joker (2019) – 8/10

Two Little Pups (1936 short) – 7/10

Cops Is Always Right (1938 short) – 7/10

Growing Home (2019 short) – student film; score withheld*

Come Again (2019 short) – student film; score withheld*

Hard (2019 short) – student film; score withheld*

Love Your People (Thường dân) (2019 short) – student film; score withheld*

Returning (2019 short) – student film; score withheld*

The Tree Surgeon (1944 short) – 6/10

Customers Wanted (1939 short) – 6/10

House of Usher (1960) – 7.5/10

The Wayward Pups (1937 short) – 6/10

Leave Well Enough (1939 short) – 6/10

Horror Hotel (1960) – 7/10

The School for Postmen (1947 short) – 7/10

The Hockey Champ (1939 short) – 7/10

Kuroneko (1968) – 8.5/10

The Pups’ Picnic (1936 short) – 6/10

Wotta Nitemare (1939 short) – 7/10

The War of the Worlds (1953) – 8/10

NOVEMBER

Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster (1964, Japan) – 6.5/10

Woodstock (1970) – 10/10

Happy-Go-Nutty (1944 short) – 7/10

Ghosks Is the Bunk (1939 short) – 7/10

Victor/Victoria (1982) – 9/10

Pain & Glory (2019, Spain) – 7.5/10

Honeyland (1935 short) – 6/10

Hello How Am I (1939 short) – 7/10

The Lighthouse (2019) – 8/10

Jour de Fête (1949, France) – 7.5/10

Ford v Ferrari (2019) – 8/10

Jitterbug Follies (1939 short) – 6/10

It’s the Natural Thing to Do (1939 short) – 7/10

Frozen II (2019) – 6/10

Little Cheeser (1936 short) – 6/10

Never Sock a Baby (1939 short) – 6.5/10

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019) – 8/10

The Red Badge of Courage (1951) – 7.5/10

The Westerner (1940) – 8.5/10

Sitting Pretty (1948) – 7/10

DECEMBER

An Autumn Afternoon (1962, Japan) – 9/10

Little Buck Cheeser (1937 short) – 6/10

Shakespearian Spinach (1940 short) – 6/10

Bobby Bumps and His Pointer Pup (1916 short) – 7.5/10

Bobby Bumps’ Fly Swatter (1916 short) – 6/10

Bobby Bumps Gets a Substitute (1916 short) – 5/10

Bobby Bumps Helps a Book Agent (1916 short) – 5.5/10

Bobby Bumps Adopts a Turtle (1917 short) – 6/10

Bobby Bumps at Fido’s Birthday Party (1917 short) – 6/10

Bobby Bumps Starts for School (1917 short) – 7/10

Bobby Bumps, Chef (1917 short) – 7/10

Bobby Bumps. Surf Rider (1917 short) – 6.5/10

Bobby Bumps at the Dentist (1918 short) – 6.5/10

Bobby Bumps Caught in the Jamb (1918 short) – 6/10

Bobby Bumps’ Last Smoke (1919 short) – 8/10

Bobby Bumps in Hunting and Fishing (1921 short) – 5/10

Bobby Bumps in Their Master’s Voice (1921 short) – 7.5/10

Mama’s New Hat (1939 short) – 7.5/10

Females Is Fickle (1940 short) – 5/10

Knives Out (2019) – 8/10

Niagara (1953) – 7/10

Pitfall (1962, Japan) – 7.5/10

The Screwy Truant (1945 short) – 7/10

Stealin’ Ain’t Honest (1940 short) – 6/10

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019) – 5/10

The Holly and the Ivy (1952) – 8/10

The Racket (1928) – 7/10

Knute Rockne, All American (1940) – 7/10

Jewel Robbery (1932) – 7.5/10

The Vikings (1958) – 6/10

Something Different (1962, Czechoslovakia) – 7.5/10

[simblrbreezycakes]

i was tagged by @chippedcupanddustybooks sweet bb. i am tagging @irrelephantsims @magnoliidae @simplymelaninated and anyone who hasn’t been tagged i swear i feel like the last person doing this LOL. heckin long ass questionnaire under the cut.

1. What is your full name? Brianna Leigh [Redacted] 2. What is your nickname? Breezy 3. Birthday? may 4th 4. What is your favorite book series? hmmmm series? idk.... i really like every single john grisham book and they aren’t related but when you have such a niche brand of book i feel like it counts lol.  5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? kinda on both. 6. Who is your favorite author? oh whew. tough one right here. idk man, i have a few? but if i had to choose i guezz i would say george orwell.   7. What is your favorite radio station? who tf listens to the radio like det anymore lmfao. i don’t have one. before i listened to 107.1 in memphis in the car sometimes, but i moved so. 8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? i loveeee pineapple anything. 9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? lit 10. What is your current favorite song? currently really into pink in the night by mitski and also sicko mode by travis scott.

11. What is your favorite word? good ole fuck(in/ed/etc.) i also really like voluptuous and bubbles. 12. What was the last song you listened to? last thing i listened to was another lifetime x nao.  13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? absolutely check out the good place. also hilda, the dragon prince, she-ra princess of power, criminal minds, law and order (the original), and snapped. 14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? i used to watch the notebook religiously when it rained/felt upset like shit. but lately i’ve been watching say yes to the dress to combat my depression lol. 15. Do you play video games? yah 16. What is your biggest fear? dying alone and no one finding me. like literally alone not like meta alone “oh no one loves me” like dead ass alone somewhere isolated. 17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? hmmmmm idk that i care a lot about other people? 18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? all of them lmfao. i’m annoying, i’m physically unattractive, i talk too damn much, i can be kind of a bitch both intentionally and unintentionally, i’m a trash writer, i can be selfish, and i self depreciate a lot (lol see above response “all of them”) and i’m sure that gets on people who love and care about me’s nerves ((but like....i mean it lmfao)) 19. Do you like cats or dogs better? whew tough. prolly cats though.  20. What is your favorite season? winter followed by a tie between spring and fall.  21. Are you in a relationship? nah lmfao.  22. What is something you miss from your childhood? not being so fuckin ugly and depressed lmfao. 23. Who is your best friend? “my person” as greys anatomy stans would say is ivy lynn [redacted] [redacted] but i also wanna shout out my home girl mary (i know you follow me on here), my home girl christina (also follows me on here but she never checks her simblr anymore), my smoothie gang bitches, my NSA bitches (which includes both ivy and mary lmfao), and my memphis as fuck family. honorable mention to loml [redacted] who is skating on thin fucking ice with me right now lmfao. 24. What is your eye color? brown 25. What is your hair color? brown 26. Who is someone you love? don’t make me answer this tumblr gods. 27. Who is someone you trust? all my best friends, my parents, my brother. 28. Who is someone you think about often? fucking murder me @ this question lmfao. my friend kate (RIP) my grandmother grannypeg (RIP) and [redacted] 29. Are you currently excited about/for something? i’m excited to spend christmas in a new country! forging new traditions and all that. 30. What is your biggest obsession? currently i’m obsessed with wedding stuff and mens fashion and how mens fashion such as suits translates into womens fashion. we love a hot lady in a tailored suit amiright? 31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? spongebob squarepants RIP :”( 32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? [redacted] 33. Are you superstitious? kinda i guess? not really about stuff like stepping on cracks breaking mamas’ backs or opening umbrellas indoors but little things about familial traditions. 34. Do you have any unusual phobias? not really a phobia but i have misophonia. i also hate eye shit. like eye violence or anything fuckin around with eyes is a big no from me dawg. 35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? absolutely behind the camera. i used to be a theater kid so like being on stage i don’t mind but when it comes to the spotlight and being filmed??? no no no no no. lemme be a cinnamontawgrowfur all day.  36. What is your favorite hobby? watching movies, playing skyrim (I MISS IT SO MUCH), reading, watching music videos, modern calligraphy/hand lettering, baking (ALSO MISS IT MUCH) 37. What was the last book you read? lol a textbook about developing countries.

38. What was the last movie you watched? i just rewatched the swan princess the other day but in terms of watching something brand new i think it was this tom cruise movie my friend showed us and i thought she said someone else ( i don’t remember now. maybe tom hanks?) it was pretty good he was irish or sum with nicole kidman and they came to the united states and pretended to be siblings but the sexual tension was so fucking high dawg. 

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? nothing i’m wack and a disappointment to my musically gifted family (my dad and brother)  40. What is your favorite animal?  polar bears followed by giraffes. 41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? i’m gonna go with my main tumblr because ion wanna hurt nobody’s feelings but i follow a celebs of color page i really love, a fashion page i really love, and a few artists i really love. 42. What superpower do you wish you had? teleportation or shape shifting.  43. When and where do you feel most at peace?  i feel most at peace when it is raining and i’m in my room, everything is clean and tidy, candles are lit, i have nothing to do so the world is my oyster, i have a nice cup of coffee or hot cocoa or tea, and i just am v i b i n g.  44. What makes you smile? seeing my friends, my brother (when he isn’t pissing me off), funny videos of red dead people falling off their horse in cinematic mode, pretty flowers, cute art, round birds. 45. What sports do you play, if any? i don’t lmfao. 46. What is your favorite drink? honestly a frozen margarita no salt. 47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? a month ago.  48. Are you afraid of heights? absolutely. 49. What is your biggest pet peeve? people chewing with their mouths open and people talking to me like i’m incompetent/assuming i don’t know anything about what they’re trying to talk to me about especially if it is my area of expertise lol. 50. Have you ever been to a concert? hail yeah. many. 51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? nope! 52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? honestly i don’t know but i have a distinct memory of a bunch of girls in my second grade, yours truly included, wanting to be strippers. and i don’t know why or how this came up or if we even truly knew what stripping meant but. yeah. OH i guess around the time i was in 4th/5th grade i started wanting to be a harvard law graduate and be a lawyer but i gave that up in like high school and then bounced being a lawyer back and forth in my noggin up until i applied for grad school. shout out to my mary for doing it though.  53. What fictional world would you like to live in? hmmmm idk. none of em really. 54. What is something you worry about? if i made the right decision(s) in life lol.  55. Are you scared of the dark? not really.  56. Do you like to sing? yeah i do! doesn’t mean i’m good at it though haha. 57. Have you ever skipped school? yeah lmfao. 58. What is your favorite place on the planet? i miss Rwanda a lot. but honestly my favorite place is wherever the people i love are. my family loves to travel so whenever i’m with someone i love sharing an experience? i’m in heaven. 59. Where would you like to live? idk anywhere i guess. somewhere it is mostly cold most of the time though haha. 60. Do you have any pets? my bb boi fred lives with my dad and my mom has a dog and 2 cats. we used to have 3 but one of em ran away when she moved to her house, we caught him, he ran away again. oh whale. 61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? oh a big time night owl. big time. 62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? honestly i like sunrises better but i am never awake to catch em hahah. 63. Do you know how to drive? yah and i fuckin love doing it. 64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? i prefer headphones. like really quality ones too. but i tend to use earbuds more often because i don’t need quality while im working out or going to class just easy grab and go. 65. Have you ever had braces? nope but i used to want some so bad. 66. What is your favorite genre of music? i love rap, dream-y pop music and dream-y rap music, i love 80s music. all 80s music really lmfao.  67. Who is your hero? mi mum and mi dad. also viola davis queen of inventing acting and every single color in the rainbow. 68. Do you read comic books? kind of. i was trying to build up a collection before i moved but i only had my BP comics. 69. What makes you the most angry? injustice and offensive ass content and behaviors. also don’t fuck with my friends. i got two dudes on my shit list right now that it is *on sight* if i ever see them again. 70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? a real book all the way. idk what it is about digital reading my brain shuts the fuck down. i am super fast reader but the second i try and read something digitally it takes me maybe like 10-15 min to get through just a few sentences. 71. What is your favorite subject in school? history lol i was a history major. 72. Do you have any siblings? yeah my chicken nugget puppy brother dylan. asshole. 73. What was the last thing you bought? some historical romance i think? it’s in dutch so idrk.  74. How tall are you? 5′7 i think. 75. Can you cook? yeah i love cooking but saddly don’t do much of it. 76. What are three things that you love? my teddy bear my momma got me for valentines day, my st. agatha figurine, and my yikes tapestry mary got me. i realize now after reading the next question you probably meant like shit in general so. the smell of a fresh cup of coffee, snuggly warm sweaters, postcards and tiny gifts from friends. you know the ones “i just got this for you because i thought you’d like it” 77. What are three things that you hate? funky ass attitudes, the smell and feel of lavender oil, corn. 78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? female 79. What is your sexual orientation? i’m a big ole heterosexual. sorry to disappoint :/  80. Where do you currently live? the netherlands. 81. Who was the last person you texted? my friend and former roommate. today is her birthday. 82. When was the last time you cried? like an hour ago lmfao. 83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? i don’t have one haha. vevo i guess. 84. Do you like to take selfies? do i like taking them? not really. it takes me too damn long to get one that looks good enough. i like sending stupid selfies to friends though. 85. What is your favorite app? i use twitter probably the most but my favorite app is my spider solitaire game haha. 86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? we are very close. i would say both of my parents are my biggest supporters and cheerleaders but how they do that looks a bit different. my mom and i are very similar but sometimes how we handle certain things is very different so we can be the best of friends one day and the completely butt heads the next. 87. What is your favorite foreign accent? i loovveeeee a scottish accent and an irish accent. also tbrh i love a good southern boy drawl. like idk if i could play for you all the way this one dude who works with my mom talks? i would because i wanna bottle it and listen to it whenever i feel bad. 88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? i would really like to go to norway for my birthday. 89. What is your favorite number? i don’t have one. 90. Can you juggle? nope but i did try and learn i have a video of it somewhere lmfao. 91. Are you religious? kind of. i’m more spiritual than religious and lowkey hate saying that because it sounds so hoitietoitie but it’s true. 92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? the ocean. so much of it we haven’t explored. thinking about space makes me feel existential and dead inside.  93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? nah haha 94. Are you allergic to anything? yeah i’m supposed to take one claritin a day but like i don’t. 95. Can you curl your tongue? yeah 96. Can you wiggle your ears? nope :(  97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? i’ll admit i’m wrong if i’m actually wrong but you’re gonna have to a helluva lot of convincing to get me there lmfao. though if my being “wrong” has caused harm to someone else i’ll apologize quicker than lightning because the last thing i would want is for my stubbornness to hurt someone i love. 98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? um the mountains 99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? "never turn down a date. you never know who you might meet while you’re out” -my grandmother to my mother to me. 100. Are you a good liar? lmfaooooo i am a reformed liar. 101. What is your Hogwarts House? HUFFLEPUFF BAYBEEE 102. Do you talk to yourself? yah 103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? an introvert. i may be loud and talkative sis but i promise you i’m over compensating because i want you to like me lmfao. 104. Do you keep a journal/diary? i have a private twitter does that count. 105. Do you believe in second chances? depends. 106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?imma keep it real with you chief i would keeps the money lmfao. in the past i would’ve tried to return it to the owner but i am big broke bois with a lot of unexpected expenses coming up so like... yeah lmfao. we keepin that coint. 107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? sometimes. 108. Are you ticklish? yes lmfao 109. Have you ever been on a plane? yeah! 110. Do you have any piercings? yah i got my lobes pierced one on each ear, my nose, and a cartilage piercing. 111. What fictional character do you wish was real? my girl nancy drew. 112. Do you have any tattoos? yeah i got 2 of em. 113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? idk lmfao. probably when i applied for cityterm and when i appled to go back to undergrad. 114. Do you believe in karma? Yeah but not in a “oh you hurt me? you’re gonna get your come uppins” way but in a every action affects your soul and your being kinda way.  115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? im supposed to wear glasses but ask me if im wearing em right now lmfao. 116. Do you want children? presently i don’t see myself wanting or having kids but i want to foster. 117. Who is the smartest person you know? my friends lol. 118. What is your most embarrassing memory? literally every single memory has a tinge of embarassment lol. but probz when i walked into the cafeteria my first day of highschool as a smol freshman and my knees locked up and i fell forward and my giant ass backpack (because i never used my locker ever in any grade) wrapped around my neck and had me stuck in a strange position in the middle of the parting of the tables in the cafeteria.  119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? hell yeah lmfao. 120. What color are most of you clothes? blue or black 121. Do you like adventures? yeah! 122. Have you ever been on TV? yeah but like on the news and shit. 123. How old are you? 24 124. What is your favorite quote? i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) 125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? OOF TOUGH BUT UHHH probz sweet. 

[kinitstuffblr]

WHO WANTS TO ANALYZE CRAZY DREAMS?!!

Aight bros this dream I had last night was INSANE basically because it made a lot of sense in a lot of different weird ways and I personally love hearing people’s dreams and helping interpret them SO I hope all FOURTEEN of you maybe-real-people will consider sharing YOUR dreams with me via asks/messages/comments/whatever (if you want other people to weigh in then go for it in the comments otherwise I don’t mind if it’s just one-on-one I really just want to discuss dreams).  To get the ball rolling I’ll describe my dream and my analysis of it (But feel free to just skip reading that part and go straight to yours if you want! I’m half typing this out just to keep a record for myself)

SO my dreams lately have involved being lost, usually in cities, where I’m vaguely aware of where I should be and am trying to find my way toward that.  AND lately my dreams have distinct beginnings and ends and relative themes throughout, which is not how they used to be.  I’m going to break this one down into separate numbered sections to kind of establish the timeline and to highlight the key parts.

Part 1: I was in an empty mall; mostly empty, with the stores all dark, but not closed.  Think small town, mid-day, but technically open so one or two stores are still available for shopping.  I was just sort of wandering through with no real goal, like a lazy tourist, and I knew I was in my local Big City.

Usually I go to this Big City and sort of do a lazy tourist thing a lot when I’m getting ready to attend a con, which I am currently irl preparing for, so it made sense to me that I was in the area wandering around.

Part 2: I saw a theatre attached to the mall, where there was basically just a big entrance that opens up and there it is - but it was a stage theatre, not a movie theater.  I could see the stage and all the seating just past the ticket counter.  Next thing I know, I see several drag queens in powdered wigs and costumes filing out of a nearby door, which I guessed led to a green room.  At the end of the line was a close friend of mine, the only anatomical female of the group, dressed as Marie Antoinette, and she was surprised to see me and invited me to come watch the show (which, of course, I eagerly agreed to).

First of all, she would SO take that role and she would SO be part of a drag show if the opportunity presented itself, so all that made lots of sense to me.  I also adore this friend, and don’t hear from her much, so I’ll take every opportunity to be around her if invited.  The problem is this doesn’t happen often, and I get stuck feeling like me reaching out to hang out with her will come off as needy, but also that maybe she would prefer I reach out more and is disappointed that I haven’t.  Also, I think the last time we hung out for real was the time I’d elected to let her know about a year-long unrequited crush I’d had on her, so in the interest of never making her feel awkward again, I feel like I can never be the one to initiate a hangout, even though we’d had an open conversation that went very well considering the circumstances.  Oh - at this point I was also aware that I didn’t have my hair styled, makeup on, or an especially good outfit - I looked frumpy, which I felt she noticed.  (She’s gorgeous, not in a fake way, legitimately she always looks great but she also does fucking bomb makeup whereas I feel like I’ve never fully learned it/understood it.)

Part 3: At the drag show, I realize it’s a dress rehearsal.  No biggie.  I head to the bathroom, where a lot of the queens are now actually getting ready, some in the bathroom and some out in the hall.  I’m nonbinary, but I only recently learned what that even is and started embracing it; in the moment, I can’t decide if I should go into the female bathroom or the male bathroom.  I really don’t want to be in their way while they’re getting ready and though my instinct is to go into the bathroom opposite my assigned sex in an act to embrace my newer self, I immediately think of how non-nonbinary (not-androgynous) I look, and shamefully head into my assigned sex’s bathroom.  

This is no mystery, I still constantly feel like even a group for ‘people who don’t fit into the other groups’ is still too exclusive for me to fit into it; Like I’m posing, and I should just be quiet and stick to my assigned sex, and nonbinary isn’t what I am because I’m not nonbinary enough?? It’s hard to explain but I feel like you get it even if I can’t put it into words well.  I felt like an asshole trying to go into the opposite sex’s bathroom, but I felt like a coward ducking my head and going into ‘my’ bathroom.  

Part 4: In the bathroom, it didn’t matter what I’d chosen because the drag queens were getting ready in both (which I should have seen coming?) While in there I was of course half afraid I’d be seen through various gaps in the walls and did notice someone getting high out of a CVS bag in a stall.

This is basic bathroom-related anxiety I face in dreams a lot, although the drug thing is new and I think related to how often junkies are getting high on the steps literally outside my front door every night when I’m trying to go to bed.  In the moment I felt like I should let someone know but I didn’t because I’m not street smart and somehow that implies that street smart people don’t need me getting into their business?? Idk 

Part 5: I found a former theatre club classmate to sit with to watch the rehearsal.  I don’t remember the show at all but I remember that I was supposedly there for the whole thing and didn’t get to see or talk to my friend at all, so I ended up wandering out without saying goodbye.

Typical again - At social events with this friend, I feel like the norm has been that I don’t actually get to spend much time with her and that it’s not really noticed if I leave

Part 6: My cat was with me?? My cat, an FIV positive soft boi who I love with everything in me, was for some reason with me on this trip and I’ve just realized I’ve lost him in this mall.  He doesn’t wear a collar and is easily spooked.  Somehow I see him in an open area and swoop him up into my arms and tight against my chest; now I just have to not let him wrestle free while I find my way back to the car.

Again SO normal, but in a new, FUN terrible way! Combining my fear of losing my sick cat outside and not being able to find my car in a big city during an important situation.  Both are repeat anxiety nightmares, but I’ve never had it structured like this before.

Part 7: I don’t remember where the car is or how far; I only have a vague idea; I also know there’s no way when I get there I’ll be able to open the door without losing him but right now I’m just focused on finding the car.  Suddenly there’s a few people here and there in the mall and I’m really worried that someone will approach me to touch my cat or to offer help and only end up spooking him.  A kid walks up to me and he has a gameboy open in his hands; I know he just wants to touch my cat but I explain I need to get him to my car and he offers to help, which mostly is just him following me while half-playing his pokemon game and half looking at my cat.

The boy is the same age/slightly younger than my youngest brother and looks exactly like him and acts exactly like him, he just isn’t him somehow - and he’s legitimately sort-of-trying-to-help in his own kid way.  I appreciate the moral support.  But I’m confused what this represents in my dream?? Me and my youngest bro used to be very close, but I was a little distant with him after I moved out and lately now that he’s in high school I feel like he doesn’t want my attention as much as he used to and also doesn’t want to spend time together.  

Part 8: At one point I’m squeezing my cat so tight to my chest he’s gone limp and isn’t breathing - but I loosen up and check and he’s fine after just a second, although he’s irritated and a little squirmy.  Somehow this boy with us has now gotten me to finding my car at the top of an open parking garage and I haven’t dropped the cat the whole way.  I open the door and start putting my stuff on the seat (I had a purse this whole time).  In the front seat, there’s actually already a cat.  My cat?? I say out loud, ‘oh, I didn’t actually bring him in - there’s an unopened one right here!’.  Because the cat in the car, my cat, has a San Pelligrino soda foil cap on its head.  Also, I realize I dropped my cat - you know, the one I’d carried back? But no, there he is, and I pick him up and put him in the back seat.  He’s also my cat.  And somehow I’m still more worried about his well-being, even though supposedly, the cat in the front seat with the foil hat is mine.  

The squeezing thing is a memory of the other night irl when I realized my cat was so deep asleep he felt like he’d stopped breathing and when I moved him to wake him he was completely limp and still; he’s fine now and was confused and irate at me for waking him before.  But the two cats thing was throwing me off really hard; All I knew was that a family friend literally just put down her cat yesterday and that I’d seen pictures of her baby girl, and this girl cat looked exactly like my boy cat and was roughly the same age and had an illness.  But I was certain that both of these dream cats were my boy, although weirdly I was more loyal to the one I’d been carrying.  

My husband actually helped me figure out this crazy shit in a way that blew my mind (because foil hat was reaaally confusing me.)  He asked what I usually do with San Pelligrino sodas, and got me to admit that usually, I don’t finish them.  (I don’t always finish most drinks actually.)  But it really sucks when I leave a San Pelli unfinished, because they’re expensive and they’re one of my favorites, so wasting it is a bigger deal than wasting other drinks, and I feel regretful because I didn’t get to appreciate them all the way to their end and guilty because I didn’t do all that I could to make sure they weren’t wasted.  He said the cat in the front seat is a healthy cat - an ‘unopened’ one that I haven’t put in danger and that doesn’t have any predetermined threats to its well-being because it’s ‘new’.  I wish desperately that I didn’t have to be constantly afraid of losing my FIV boy to an illness, but at the same time I would never want to replace him with a healthy cat even if they were exactly the same - his weakness has made me not only glad I have him in my own care, where I know I’d give anything in my power to keep him healthy and happy - it’s made me and my husband open to the idea of seeking out needy pets in the future that might not otherwise have chances with families.  (We also know that we have to be ready for the worst; if a vet tells us our boy isn’t going to be happy or isn’t going to feel healthy, we need to be ready to let go and voluntarily put him down when his quality of life diminishes.)   Basically, having the opportunity of the healthy-safe-front-seat-fresh-cat didn’t make me forget or discard the one I’d carried back with me, and I think that’s my brain reaffirming I don’t regret my boi and will protect him with everything I have until I literally can’t anymore.

That was the end of my dream - putting the rescued cat in the back seat safely while acknowledging the other cat.  And I woke up with my cat snuggling me, of course.  I’ve had a lot of these weirdly detailed dreams lately and I love writing them out.  Watchyal got? Anyone??

[emziley]

All of the even numbers!

P.s I hope this spaced out like I want it too because if not its going to be one hell of a read and I am sorry...2, Nicknames that didnt come from my actual name: Alma (because the woman in sister act who can’t hear 😂) er thers probably others I can’t think of right now…4, Longest my hair has ever been:Down to my butt. Never again.6,What is one (1) Item on bucket list: To meet all my long-distance frienfs in person8, Oldest pice of clothing I still wear:Umm I probably have socks from when I was a kid I still wear XD idk10, How grammatically correct are you when you text?:I typically text how I would actually talk out loud so not very…12, what foreign country would you like to visit and why? :Probably Ireland is first on my list because of how beautiful it is and how much of my family came from there 14, how old where you when you had your first kiss? 17 or 18 I think? I was a senior in highschool 16, have you ever hosted a wild party? Wild? No. 18, How many of your facebook friends to you actually hang out with?Like… 7 max not including family? 20, on a scale of 1-10 how much do you enjoy decorating for hollidays Uhh probably like an 8? I enjoy how they look but the effort of putting them up and taking them down I could do without lol 22, what is your go to starbucks drink?I have never had starbucks :/24, Dogs or Cats?Why choose?26, have you ever cooked a big family meal by yourself?Not really? I mean, If I make pasta it could feed a large family…. 28, Have you ever butt dialed anyone?Probably.30, How early do you start celebrating christmas?Right after thanks giving XD32, Are you fluent in more than one language? I wish I was tbh….maybe some day…34, Have you ever been on a successful diet?I feel like “successful” and “diet” arent words that can really be used together in a positive way.36, how good are you at communicating through facial expressions?Better than with words…38, Have you ever left a movie theater before the movie was over? Not that I can remember…40, Does your home have a fire place?We have a fernace and then a fake electric one in the living room42, If you could have one (1) super power what would it be and why?The power to manipulate probablility because you can have anything you want? Like whats the probably of me getting pizza tonight? Probablg like 40% but I could turn that 40% into 100% and definatly get pizza tonight.44, do you listen to religious music? Not typically, no.46, what is your ACT score?🙃48, On a scale of 1-10 how good of a driver would you consider yourself? Idk like a 5? I dont have my licents because im scared to drive but the times I did go out and drive I wasnt bad.50, How easily do you cry?VERY. You could look at me wrong and there will be tears. Or a puppy could do something cute and water works are on the way lol52, when you hang out with your closest friend what do you usually do? My closest friend is my partner so we’re usually cuddling or playing games or watching something on YouTube or Netflix54, Can you play any musical instraments? If so which ones?Yes! I can play the guitar, steel drums, and piano (albeit not well) , I can sing and honestly, would like to learn more instraments soon!56, What was the last CD you bought?Either X or ÷ by Ed Sheeran for my sister for christmas I think58, What day is your laundry day?Right now, Monday-Saturday, I dont typically have a specific day just as long as its not sunday, thats dads laundry day!60, How long have you known your best friend?4 or 5 years now?62, do you have any stickers on your laptop?Currently I don’t have my own laptop, but I use my moms and she has a message from my aunt tapped on it kind of like a sticker? It says “Teddy grams 3 points” from when they where doing weight watchers XD64, what is your favorite flavor ice cream?Mint chocolate chip!66, Star Treck or Star WarsI haven’t seen either tbh but I want to! 68, Have you ever acted in a play or musical?Yes! Anything goes, A mid-summer nights dream, 9 to 5, Mrs. McThing, and Tarzan! I still have A mid-summer nights dream on DVD lol I wish I could again…70, What is the shortest your hair has been?I think chin length? 72, Do you like to go fishing?My dad told me a horror story once about when he went fishing with his brother… I’ll spare you the details but I’m afraid to go…but I have before and I dont have the patients tbh I do love fish though!74, what was your favorite holoween costume and how old where you?I was the I think red M&M? Idk how old I was but probably between 4 and 876, How many pillows do you sleep with?Between 1 and 4. Depends if Im sharing.78, How many friends of the oposite gender do you have?I….Really dont know? I think half of them don’t even know their own gender tbh80, How long have you been at your current jobI currently dont have a job :/82, How flexible are you?Psyically not very, but im working on that!84, what is a phrase you say the most?“Why are you like this” is probably my favorite XD 86, Do you own any home made clothing?Some of my cosplays are home made, along with a prom dress! 88, Have you every given anyone CPR No, I know how to but I think in the situation I would panic and freeze and not even be able to…90, Discribe your sense of humor?Odd and all over the place. 92, What is your favorite cereal?Probably honey smacks! 94, Have you ever had a TV show theme song stuck in your head?I get a few stuck in my head from time to time, like Steven Universe or Gravity Falls and stuff 96, Do you believe in life on other planets?Yeah…. I mean bacteria and stuff is tecnically life? But there’s gotta be something outside our solar system too…98, what is your biggest fear?Dying alone or being abandoned….100, are you still friends with anyone from highschool?Yes.102, How patient are you?With other people? Very. With myself? Not really. With waiting for something to happen? Not at all. 104, Do you eat meat? Yeah, im picky about it though…106, Have you ever bought anything from the flea market? I don’t think so?108, Have you ever gotten a song stuck in your head that you dont like?Unfortunatly.110, Have you ever warn glasses?Yes! I did when I was young, went a few years without needing them and now wear them again.112, Are your birth parents still together?Yes.114, what is your favorite type of cookie?Peanut butter blossoms. The peanut butter ones with the Hershey kiss in the middle 😍116, How often do you smile when getting your picture taken? I usually smile I think? If im taking selfies I sometimes do a pouty face but…?118, what is your oldest memory?I have a very distinct memory of sitting in my crib with my legs hanging out the side. I don’t know why I remember THAT but I do120, How often do you snort when you laugh?I dont know? Not too often… but if you get me really laughing I will and it makes me laugh more. Right now I’ve just been laughing and coughing so~122, What is your favorite Disney song? Probably “How far I’ll go” from moana? Or like anything from mulan XD124, What is your Mayers-Briggs personality type? INFP-T 126, one (1) thing yoy wish people would stop posting on social media: Pictures and shit of animal abuse. I get the posts like “hey this is a shit thing to do” but do we really need photos or videos of it?…. and when reported to facebook you’re told it “doesn’t violate community guidelines” like bull fucking shit it doesnt. 128, do you prefer Credit Cards or cash?Cash, its easier for me to keep track of, and money gives me anxiety. 130, What is your astrological sign?I fall on a cusp birthday so I am technically both a Scorpio and Sagitarius. 132, Do you have any hidden talents?I don’t even have any visable talents…134, What gives yoy motivstion to do well in life?I dont know but whatever it is isn’t working.136, on a scale od 1-10 how much are you like your father?Looks: like 3, personality: 8ish 138, A moment when you where pleasently suprised?Probably when Tom actually said yes to dating me after 3 days of waiting. At that point I gave up hope at the words “I’ll have to think about it” so when they said yes it was just~ 😶140, what type of shoes do you wear the most?My penguin sneakers! Or my boots… either one lol142, Favorite song to sing in the shower?I have a whole playlist of songs just to sing… and my top 5 from that in no particular order is 1. Red flavor by red velvet 2. Evil by shinee, 3. Good bye by Taemin, 4, cotton candy by astro and 5, Nightmare by shinee. They’re all kpop so its kinda hard 😂144, Have you ever lived on a farm? I mean where my house is used to be a farm? We have barns and stuff. We also grow some fruits and vegetables and at one point had ducks? but I wouldn’t really say I lived on a farm… 146, what tv show or movie do you quote or make referances to the most? Probably steven universe? Idk148, Have you ever gotten stiches?No, and I probably wouldn’t be able yo handle if if I had to. 150, What is your favorite youtube channel?As embarrassing as it is to say to you~ it probably will always be artfulImpersonator 😶😶😶 152, on a scale of 1-10 how well do you work with others?Im going to say 5 because it REALLY depends who im working with. 154, Apple or PC?….uh they both have good qualities, I guess it depends what Im using it for, but I guess PC for casual use156, Have you ever seen a broadway play or musical? I seen Newsies and almost fell asleep…. not because it was a bad show or anything but because it was a school trip and I was just exhausted. 158, Have you ever uttered a spoke hashtag? #yes. Usually as jokes but uhhh sometimes I get carried away. 160, What is the longest you went without sleep? Probably 24 hours? Maybe less? 162, Disney or Nickelodeon? As I kid I was a Disney kid, but Now probably Nick?164, On a scale from 1-10 how much are you like your mom?Looks: 8 personality: maybe a 6?166, Ear bud or Ear muff style headphones?Ear muff style! Ear buds hurt my ears :(168, any peircings besides earlobe? Nah,170, Showers or baths?I like them both. For actually cleaning showers but for relaxing baths. Something about the warm water :)172, do you prefer bottled or tap water?Depends where I am? At my house Tap but most places bottled.174, Do you have any guilty pleasures you’d be comfortable talking about?Guilty pleasures? Pleanty. Comfortable talking about on a public forum such as tumblr? Not really XD…. I mean I guess liking one direction still is a guilty pleasure? Or some of the anime’s I watch? I’ll mention those ones176, Ever had a new years kiss exactly at midnight? No…. I found im usually grumpy on new years? I wonder why? 🤔178, Have you ever gave money to a homeless person? I dont think so :( I dont usually have that much on me… 180, What is your least favorite food? Anything slimey. Im a very texture based eater… 182, Do you like wearing hats? When im not wearing cat ears, yes!184, SAT score?🙃🙃186, anyone in your family currently serve in your countries military? I think my cousin, Yeah?…or he wants to or something im not sure…188, what celebrity would you like to play you in a movie about your life? Can I just play myself? 190, Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes, and it needs to be dyed again! Idk what color I want to do next though :/192, whats the first site you visit after opining a web browser? Depends what I went in the computer for but I guess generally Tumblr or Facebook 194, where you involved in any academic clubs in school? Unfortunatly, no. 196, are you comfortable watching R rated movies? Yeah, im fine with them.... unless im with my parents 😨198, what's the first thing you do when you wake up? Check my phone.200, tell us something most people don't know about youThat I have a collection of stuffed giraffes in my closet from when I was a kid. I no longer collect them but alot of them are still sitting in a bag in my closet because I've grown attached...

[wanna-see-something-really-scary]

Some thoughts on IT Part 1

Growing up, my parents were very sheltering and protective. I’ll never forget the night family visiting from Colorado chose to watch the film ‘Switch’ with Ellen Barkin at my grandparents’ house. I was bitterly relegated to my grandmother’s room while the family watched the film, which was the ghastly rated R.

Somehow in this environment, I snuck in as many horror films as I could with unsuspecting friends, extended family, and my four brothers (one of the great pluses of growing up with brothers, though i adored my lone sister with everything in my little girl power). Creepshow at age four, The Little Girl Who Lived Down the Lane at six, Amityville 3D at nine, The Stuff, Jaws, It’s Alive, Evil Dead 2, Hell Night, Alien, American Werewolf in London, Return of the Living Dead 3, Dolls; I could go on and on. With the level of loving superveillance I experienced, I don’t know how I managed such a level of horror input, but I’m so grateful that I did. My love of horror films extended into adulthood, and the only downside was an unavoidable desensitization. What I wouldn’t give to watch a scary movie through my twelve-year-old eyes, terrified and yet unable to look away; and what truly scares me now and scared me then is still very different from what scares YOU now and what scared you then. Fear is subjective, terror relative.

Twelve-year-old me was fascinated with Stephen King, and to this day I can’t remember what came first, the book IT or the miniseries. Did I spend all those night under the covers with the flashlight and the paperback before or after Tim Curry’s phenomenal, shattering performance? This was just as I had discovered the show Twin Peaks and the ‘86 classic Blue Velvet (horror achievements in their own right) and right before my cousin and I saw Silence of the Lambs in the theater, at a time when the enforcement of restrictions on kids at R-rated movies was far more lax (surprisingly, a horror movie didn’t change that, but a little sex movie called American Pie in 1999). It was the beginning of a more sophisticated stage of horror for my pubescent brain. an evolution which opened itself to se7en in my 20s, and the insane Japanese cult film House in my 30s. I still treasure the shock-and-scare B-movies of my youth, and IT took the 1950s version of those B-Movies, (the werewolf and the mummy) and deepened their meaning in relation to the fear they instill in young children who are experiencing horror on a more adult level for the first time. My father, for example, will never forget seeing the mummy’s gaping eyes and lumbering walk on screen for the first time, and I will never forget the landlady’s desperate attempt to escape the cellar in Little Girl Who Lives Down The Lane (in my dreams, she had long red fingernails, like bloody claws).

Stephen King’s IT was a transition, an eerie unsettling type of horror, the horror of a peaceful town with dank roots and unspeakable histories; the horror of a group of children my own age, trying to survive the metaphysical and physical monsters of childhood; they were the Loser’s Club. They were my people. At that age, I was in private school. By that point, I’d been embarrassed in front of most of my class by a crush, watched giggling children pull all the maxi pads from my shabby, cloth purse, and witnessed an unhappy boy try to poison my entire class with a powdered drain cleaner and Kool-Aid cocktail. Private school was my horror movie, my nightmare, my monster under the bed. The book and the miniseries spoke to me. Those late nights reading IT under covers courted me into adulthood. I couldn’t go to the bathroom for months without staring at the sink and racing from the bathroom the moment my fingers left the toilet handle (the auditory eruption of the flush like the sound of the thunder that follows the lightning). The announcement of the TV miniseries was more exciting to me than any boy band or new hair style. The first half of the miniseries perfectly captured the spirit of the 50s sections of the books (though set in the 60s) and I instantly loved all the actors, but even from my young frame of reference much of the second half fell flat to me. The failing of the adaptation more than likely was in its inability to capture King’s rhythm and time structure, which led to a disappointing conclusion riddled with poor special and practical effects (hello, giant spider, nice to meetcha). In King’s book, there exists no distinct separation between the child’s journey and the adult aftermath; everything runs alongside itself in the time line, two converging rivers running parallel but destined to finish together, time touching itself just as the beginning page of a book will always be bound to the last. In the end, the characters are as they were then. The child is always with us. 

Carl Sagan once noted that children are perpetually full of wonder, questions, and curiosity, and in time they lose this quality. We stop asking questions. We close the door. King anguished through his own buried childhood memories to give birth to this book, to relay to us that those questions may be left behind because we don’t want to know the answers anymore; the answers themselves are terrifying. We all face the demons of our pasts when we ask the question. Maybe we have to to get past the questions of youth and graduate to the new questions. Maybe we’re meant to forget, as Bill Denbrough and what’s left of the Lucky Seven do in the end. Only then can we move forward and evolve into the next thing and the next. King says he’ll never write a sequel, but at the remains of Derry’s water tower in the novel Dreamcatcher Mr. Gray comes upon the crimson graffiti, PENNYWISE LIVES. Now, at the theaters, IT certainly does; box office records are being smashed left and right by the new film. And, thoughts? I have them. More in Part 2 …

[katlyn-yo]

Patriots Day

Before I began I’d like to say that my intention of this writing is not to review the film as you’ll likely realize if you read on but to put the thoughts I’ve had inspired by the film and the impact it has had on me. The block of text below is not in anyway meant to be taken too seriously and was only revised/edited once for grammatical errors and minor changes in wording. It is written much like I write in my personal journal so I’m really sorry for that because I don’t know when to use punctuation while thinking.

It has only been a week since I saw Patriots Day. Before seeing it I had not seen any previews and only knew it was a Mark Wahlberg film about the Boston Marathon bombing. I remember seeing the images of the bombs erupting on the news when I returned from school that day and seeing them over and over again. If you had asked me before seeing the movie what year the bombing took place before I saw the movie I would have said (I did say when my dad asked me) 2011. I’m not sure why but I really do remember being in middle school at the time but nonetheless I was already 15 years old and it bothers me to no end that I don’t remember this event having a huge impact on me. I still went to school and laughed with my friends while that whole week there was a manhunt for one of the bombers, Boston was shutdown and I don’t even remember caring. I mention this because at this time I had a strange inexplicable attraction to the city and had since I was very little. My dream was to attend Harvard and be surrounded by hardcore Pats fans who would agree with my 10 year old self that the Patriots weren’t cheaters. Thus, I find it strange that I don’t remember all the little details or even the big ones for the matter. Anyway, I remember seeing the faces of the bombers on the news when they had been caught (I don’t recall knowing one had died) and vaguely remember Jahar being caught in a boat but I remember it with a dream like quality as if it never actually happened at all. After watching the movie and seeing the date of the bombing - April 15, 2013 - appear on the screen I realized my family and I went to Boston at the end of June 2013 and celebrated the fourth of July in Boston that year. It was my first time ever visiting and the first time I ever met my family from Boston. Now I wish I could really remember the significance of that fourth of July because I’m sure it was a special one for the city being as patriotic as they are year-round and to celebrate their unity and freedom after being in the face of a terror attack. I am proud and I can’t even imagine the pride Bostonians must have had. I remember being around Quincy Market and all the street vendors were selling Boston Strong shirts/sweaters/hoodies/hats/ bracelets you name it and I knew that it was related to the bombing but even being there only months after the attack I don’t think I would have been able to tell you it had happened that April.

*WARNING SPOILER ALERTS AHEAD*

The beginning of the movie has a montage of looking at what some of the survivors were doing the night before and the morning of the bombing. The camera eventually shows a new house with the words Tsaernaev residence at the bottom of the screen and I thought this must be the house of another runner. When we get a view of the inside I immediately recognize Alex Wolff (beard and all) as the one sitting at the table on the computer. I got excited because I enjoy watching the Wolff brothers acting and love their music (though I never did watch or listen to them when they were part of the Naked Brothers Band) and then I hear my dad say “Wow, he looks exactly like him” with such disbelief in his voice and at that moment I realize this is the house of the bombers. As I said before, I do remember seeing pictures of the bomber(s) on the news after he was caught but I couldn’t recall any distinguishing details of those faded memories to say their was a resemblance. As the movie continues I had this inexplicable attraction to Alex Wolff’s portrayal of the character as if I could relate to him in an odd and disturbing way. I felt bad for him because from the movie it seems like the brother was the mastermind behind the attack and Jahar just did as he was told and would do ANYTHING he was told just to please his brother. He also says they should have placed the backpacks at waist level to kill more people and stands by as his brother Tamerlan shoots and kills an officer point blank(2) and I was brought back to reality, he is an incredibly horrible sociopathic human being, who deserves absolutely no sympathy. Even as I write that I think about how he lost his brother and I feel sad for him and I think “what’s wrong with me?!?” but that is testament to the incredible power of Alex’s performance throughout the film. With a seemingly perfect blend of raw talent and dedication to the job at hand he was able to create and bring to life this character that was so evil yet at the same time just as emotional and human as the person next to you. After the movie I searched the name Dzhokar Tsaernaev and I saw the picture I had seen on the news but now with the details filled in I saw the resemblance. I read that it was a tough decision for Alex and his family to make having him portray this villain and what kind of image that might cast on him especially with the resemblance in mind but he decided to take the role to make sure it was given justice. As for Boston native Mark Wahlberg I watched an interview with him also where he says something similar, that he had hesitations of doing the movie but ultimately decided to do it because he knew he could count on himself to handle the film with the respect it deserves. Jahar is the same age as I am now when he set a bomb on the ground in a crowd full of people with the intention of killing if not all then as many as possible. That is mind boggling to me and I really think that is one of the reasons why the retelling of this horrific event had such an impact on me now than it did at the time it took place. I could never even imagine thinking of doing anything like that and definitely not to go through with it. I don’t think any of his friends would have thought him capable of the act either (not that I am capable because I most definitely am not but I say this in the sense that who do we really really know?). I was afraid this movie would incite and entice some of the audience to become Islamophobic and/or xenophobic or even even heighten the phobia but I was pleased that there was a distinction made that these boys were not Muslims, they were/are radical Islamists (3). Just as well I understand those who are Islamophobic do not see the distinction between Muslims and Islamists anyway. I say this because my own father was one who walked out of the theater spewing Trump-esque rhetoric about closing the borders to refugees and Middle Eastern immigrants. Even if one person, poses the question to google about the difference between a Muslim and a radical islamist and educates themselves​ on that difference this movie has made a positive impact on our society today. There are very few movies I will watch again while in the theater or even after they are out but this one I cannot wait to see again because I feel like I will take away something different everytime. This movie came out at such an important time where Trump has divided the nation and I hope people can take away that even through lows our nation is resilient especially the people of Boston and I hope the United States can have the strength Boston did through these next four years. Edit: After reading this I noticed I didn’t talk at all about the heroes of this story and the impact they also had on me. I had never heard the story of Dun Meng, who was kidnapped by the bombers but was brave enough to risk his life to escape them and help police find their location since they were driving his car. I had never heard about the battle between the bombers and law enforcement in Watertown which also involved explosives. I had never realized the effort it takes to catching two criminals on the run, where there was virtually no sleep for days. I pray for the friends and families of the three victims who were killed in the bombing and Officer Sean Collier who were all taken too soon. I pray for the survivors, those who lost limbs and those who were there to bear witness to the tragedy that they never lose hope and strength in the power of humanity. I say thank you to and pray for the law enforcement, first responders, and medical personnel in Boston and around the nation that they may also remain faithful, never lose faith or may they find faith in the power of good and it’s power to always overcome evil despite all of the bad they may see on a daily basis. Edit 2: There is a correction made where I had previously stated Jahar killed Sean Collier however it was his brother Tamerlan who killed him, thank you to this-is-myomancy for that info. Here is the link to the article I read on Alex Wolff taking on this role https://www.google.com/amp/www.thewrap.com/patriots-day-alex-wolff-boston-marathon-bomber-tricked-audition/amp/ and here is the link to the video of Mark Wahlberg talking about his decision to do the movie https://youtu.be/Rvwsme9N0gQ

Edit 3 (3/28/17): I would like to amend the statement I made that there was a distinction made between radical Islamists and Muslims because it was incorrect. The movie never made that distinction. It was questioned in the film whether the act should be labeled as terrorism by Special Agent Deslauriers because with the term there is a link to anti-Muslim backlash however there is no mention of radical Islamists at all during the entirety of the movie. Update 1 (3/28/17): I have just finished watching Patriots Day for the second time and reread my post for the first time since posting it. Watching the film this time around I no longer felt any connection to Jahar which honestly, relieves me. This time around I did also take more notice to the production of the film. I think what is so captivating about the movie for me is that the way it is filmed really makes you feel as if you are apart of the action in certain scenes which really tugs your emotions whether it be anger, fear, or sadness. Another large part of the film was the music and noise. Of course the sound of the bombs and gun shots being fired were crucial but what I most noticed this time around was when the governor orders the city to go on lockdown; from one moment to the next there is chatter and phones ringing and dramatic music to just complete and absolute silence. It is incredible the feeling that you get the you too must also be silent.

[zi-tales]

Interview: Aum Yzyrlid