#i have a whole elaborate headcanon of what various batkids watch to relax

[cephalog0d]

Batfic - Rhymes with "Pest"

Rating: Teen and Up (language)

Category: Gen

Characters/Relationships: Dick Grayson & Jason Todd

Words: 553

One day Jason would figure out how to actually Batproof his space, but today was, apparently, not that day.

(Full text behind the cut or over on AO3)

One day Jason would figure out how to actually Batproof his space, but today was, apparently, not that day. Thankfully it wasn’t the actual Bat himself, although Dick was on a bit of a sliding scale with regard to how little Jason wanted to see him, depending on their relative moods. Personally Jason had been feeling okay, although the unexpected company definitely put him a little on edge. At least this didn’t seem to be a visit of the “I have a sanctimonious lecture and you’re going to hear it” variety, considering Dick was currently slumped on the couch and staring vaguely somewhere in the vicinity of the ceiling without acknowledging Jason’s appearance.

Jason was reserving judgment on whether that was better or worse than the lecture option.

“There something you need?” he asked bluntly as he shed his boots and jacket and headed to the fridge and grabbed a drink.

“Nope,” Dick said with a pop.

Weird, but whatever. Maybe he was just hiding from Bruce. Or the Bat Baby. Or Babs. Or her minions. Or something else entirely, who the fuck knew, there was no blood or tears or yelling so Jason assumed it wasn’t anything catastrophic. (Or at least not immediately catastrophic.)

He already regretted his next question, but better to be prepared, or at least know if he needed to execute a quick escape plan.

“Something you want to talk about?” He tried not to sound as deeply hesitant and distasteful as he felt at the idea, but he might not have succeeded considering Dick snorted a laugh and twisted his head to finally look at him.

“Not even a little.”

Well thank fuck for that. Existing in the same space and not talking about things was something Jason could probably handle.

“Good answer.” He dropped one of the bottles he had grabbed generally in the direction of Dick’s head. (Un)fortunately he caught it before it could hit him, absently opening it and taking a sip before his face scrunched up in disgust.

“Ugh, cherry, really? Why do you buy this?”

“Because I base all of my grocery shopping on what I know you, specifically, hate,” Jason deadpanned.

Dick narrowed his eyes at him and pointed an accusing finger.

“Your tone says sarcasm, but your history of spite-based decision making says that’s a possibility.”

Jason swiped the bottle back and took a swig before dropping onto the couch.

“You know I just drank out of that,” Dick pointed out.

“I’m not wasting a perfectly good drink because you have terrible taste. Not like anyone in this fucking family has any concept of ‘personal boundaries’ anyway.” He gestured at Dick’s general presence to emphasize the point.

Dick made a vague noise of agreement and shifted, swinging his legs up onto the couch and, subsequently, onto Jason.

“What did I just fucking say?”

“I was here first.”

“It’s my place.”

“Then I’m a guest,” Dick said with a smirk.

“It’s pronounced pest.”

Dick rolled his eyes and glanced at the TV.

“Can I-”

“Absolutely not.” Jason moved the remote as far out of reach as he reasonably could, just to be safe.

(If he ended up ultimately choosing something they could both stand to watch it was only because he didn’t want to torture himself just to annoy his brother.)