#batbros

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: I keep thinking about which horror movies I’d make my kids watch.

Selina: I don’t wanna have kids with you.

Bruce: Why? They’d love it.

Selina: Oh, so you wanna have kids with me?

Bruce: When I die mysteriously at 46, the nights in which we cuddled on the couch watching horror movies will be their favorite memory of me.

Selina: Or they’ll think your ghost still haunts our house.

Bruce: Which is pretty comforting.

[gothamite-rambler]

Bruce: You are grounded!

Jason (whole adult): You can't ground me!

Bruce: Grounded!

Jason: But I don't even live here!

Bruce turns Jason around and points to the stairs to his old room.

Bruce: The night, your room. Grounded!

Jason: This some bullshit!

Jason stomps upstairs and heads to his old room. A door slam is heard and then the sounds of random items being tossed around.

Bruce: He'll work it out his system. I'm going to bed.

Dick (looking at Tim confused and then Bruce as the man heads upstairs): Did you just ground a 23 year old?

Tim: And did it work?

Bruce: You forget I'm Batman.

[dragonpyre]

Part 2 of this piece

Commission info / ko-fi

[haveihitanerve]

I have an idea:

Tim is Damian's fave brother. He shows it by stabbing him, because in his world aka the loa, if someone is a threat it's a great compliment, and they are treated as such.

The batfam is freaking out bc Damian is trying to kill Tim but he's really just trying to show that he thinks Tim's a really competent person and totally worthy of being his brother.

ooooh this tis so crucnhy gimme a sec-

Timothy was being cruel to himself again. It wasn't uncommon, really, that the third youngest was overly critical of himself, especially concerning work related things, but every time set Damian's teeth on edge.

"Its such a stupid mistake! What am I?? Five!!?!?!" Tim ranted, waving the misprinted sheet around in the air. "Someone could've gotten hurt because of this!"

"Tim, it's not that big of a deal." Dick tried placatingly. "Not a big deal?" Tim shouted back. "What do you mean its not a big deal??? If Jason hadn't caught my dumb mistake one of you could've gotten hurt!" He shook his head in disgust at himself, dropping into a chair.

"Honestly Bruce should've fired me all those years ago. I am a horrible partner."

"Hey!" Dick protested, but Damian knew his eldest brothers arguing wouldn't get anywhere. Tim didn't believe any of the support Dick tried to give him, and was doubtful of even Bruce's praise, which was hard for any of them to brush off.

Damian tuned out his brothers angry argument, weighing the small dagger in his hand. Tim had gifted it to him, on a patrol they had run together oh so long ago.

"A gift." Tim had said. "From one Robin to the next." He hand winked then, grappling away. "Try not to stick it in my back, yeah?" He'd hollered into the wind, and Damian had smiled, in spite of himself.

And he had kept the promise. While Jason and even Dick had gotten plenty of blades lodged in certain places over the years, Damian had never truly attempted to harm Tim. Not in that way. Not anymore. But now...

Tim would never believe he was good enough if Damian didn't see him as worthy competition. He lifted the small dagger up and down a bit, testing how it moved. It was fine craftsmanship, he had to admit, and, though he hated to say it, if he wasn't so attached to it he might even use it more in battle. But, that was no matter. Timothy was distracted anyway.

Damian walked over casually, fighting the urge to creep, to sneak up, because that would only draw attention. Tim even leaned towards him, arm lifting to hug him, even as he continued arguing, eyes not even looking his way. The easy show of trust had Damian hesitate for a second, but he didn't dwell on it long.

Tim looked surprised when he spotted the knife sticking out of his side. "What's wrong?" Dick asked, puzzled as to why he had suddenly stopped speaking. Tim looked at the blade, then lifted his eyes to Damian's in confusion.

"I find you a worthy opponent Drake." Damian said softly. Tim's eyes widened in surprise a moment before Dick was on them, dragging Tim to the med bay while angrily shouting at Damian. But Tim's eyes never strayed from his little brothers face, gratitude shining in his eyes.

[shyjusticewarrior]

I do not care for titans tower aus

They tend to yoink Jason's angst and give it to Tim

[marionluth]

Sneak peak to a new WIP. Doesn't make much sense without the rest of the story's background, but I still liked the interaction and thought I'd share :)

Jason watching Tim pacing a rooftop with hands shaking, body practically vibrating and pupils dialated as fuck.

Jason: What are you on?

Tim: What are you on about?

Jason: You're high. What are you on?

Tim: Coffee, red bull, and life.

Jason: Tim you're so out of it…

Tim: Shut up! The drug deal... It's happening any minute now.

Jason: Any minute now? You sure?

Tim: Positive. I've hacked his everything. He one hundred percent will meet his cartel guy any minute now.

Jason: And you said the date of this deal is for sure on Wednesday 3 am?

Tim: Yes! Will you stop distracting me?

Jason: No, you fucking idiot, because it's Tuesday. You migt have noticed had you not replaced sleeping with motherfucking stimulants!

[ao3sbatfamily]

Any cuddle pollen fics w/an angsty twist of the knife?

'how glad am i; to experience forgiveness like this' by KlyssaCarrie

"Jesus, fuck, kid," Jason hisses. Tim gives a pathetic whimper from where he hangs limply on Jason's shoulder, one that twists Jason's heart strings and ties his stomach up in knots because the last time he heard Tim like that he was donning a new, red, helmet, and Tim was still Robin, cowering in the corner of the Titan's Tower -

No. Don't think about that. Get the kid safe.

Jason practically shoves him into the decontamination shower, ridding his skin from the golden dusts spread thinly over everywhere. There's no way that he's going to be completely pollen-free - Jason's not fast enough for that, he wasn't fast enough, he's never fast enough - but that'll at least mitigate the damage. Tim gives another wheeze under the shower - Jason towels him off quick and changes him into the most comfortable clothes he can find because he knows how Tim gets when he's on toxin.

God. Cuddle pollen and fear toxin. Hopefully, they would cancel each other out, and Tim would just spend the night in the Cave shivering through it.

Jason's never been hopeful.

[ahfrickenfrick]

nightwing being hurt in the field, and over comms he can’t get out what was wrong, nearly in shock, and jason puts on his best batman™️ voice and says “robin, report.”

and it snaps dick out of it enough to say concussion, possible broken ribs, and a gash in his side.

no one talks about it, and then a year later, damian does the same thing to tim

[theaceofarrows]

A Robin tradition

-

13 year old Jason: Dick, I need to borrow the Batmobile! Roy needs help with his English homework, Alfred is busy, and the Batmobile is the fastest car we have!

18 year old Dick: [is mad at Bruce and knows full well that this is going to piss him off] Say no more

[Dick gets the keys]

Dick: I'll hide the keys to the motorcycles and the plane. When Bruce tries to call you, just ignore him

Jason: [running to the car] Thanks, Dick! You're the best!

-

[Years later]

Tim: Jason please help me! I need the Batmobile to save Kon from Kryptonite Zombies!

Jason: 'Kay, try not to hit any pedestrians

Jason: [takes the Batmobile keys out of his pocket tosses them to Tim]

Tim: You just had them in your pocket...?

Jason: Zombies, Tim

Tim: Right! Thanks! [Runs away]

-

[Even more years later]

Damian: Drake! I require the Batmobile. Connor needs assist-

Tim: [already tossing Damian the keys] Cool, see ya later

Damian: [already running to the car] Thank you!

[freefallintothevoid]

Dick Grayson's unmatched success as a child vigilante makes a lot more sense when you remember the Court of Owls was a thing and that Dick was meant to be the next Grey Son.

There is no way that someone at Haly's Circus wasn't there keeping an eye on him while he grew up. A future weapon needs to be trained and monitored after all, and a circus, a place where weird skills are completely normal, is actually a great place to secretly train a child.

You know, just some knife tricks that translated really well into actual fighting. How to get out of restraints and pick locks while under a time limit. Death defying acrobatic stunts that coincidentally do wonders for parkouring. That sort of thing. Nothing that seems out of place for a boy growing up around circus performers to learn, but would literally any where else.

I mean, while I fully believe that most kids would want to kill the man responsible for their parents deaths, Dick was weirdly prepared to go through it. He tracked down Zucco with way more ease than any normal child should have too. He became the first child vigilante, for goodness sake. The first Robin! He only started getting formal training after he basically forced Bruce into it!

Bruce himself has no idea that this kind of competency in a child is unusual, considering he was much too blinded by the similarities between his and Dick's tragic orphanhoods.

Alfred is in a similar boat because he’s desensitized to weird children after he somehow managed to successfully raise Bruce 'The Batman' Wayne, so he doesn't clock the hyper-competency as abnormal either.

By the time the other batkids start popping up (Jason 'The Audacity' Todd, borderline-street rat with no fear) (Tim 'the greatest stalker in Gotham history' Drake, child genius, also bullied his way into becoming Robin) (Barbara 'raised by the only uncorrupt cop in gotham' Gordon) (Stephanie 'daddy issues and spite' Brown) (Duke 'Pretends he's the normal one and people believe him' Thomas) it's too late.

It would also explain how Dick got along so well with Damian out of all of them. Similar childhood with different approaches and all that. On some subconscious level, Dick recognises and resonates with the murderous ten year old assassin with strong familial ties to a secret elite assassin organization.

It isn't until after the whole Court of Owls and Grey Son reveal that suddenly Dick realises a whole lot of things about his childhood that suddenly make a lot more sense.

[luca-is-a-pengu]

The real reason why none of the bat-boys are allowed in the kitchen

[incorrectbatfam]

Damian, reading his fortune cookie: "You will commit a crime in three minutes."

Tim: That's pretty direct, right?

Damian, to Dick: What does yours say?

Dick: Mine says, "You will witness a crime in three minutes."

Damian: Drake, what does yours say?

Tim: "You will die in three minutes."

[gothamite-rambler]

Harley: You have depression, daddy issues, mommy issues, insomnia, attachment issues, anger issues and a constant need to make people happy even if you struggle with it.

Dick, Jason, Damian, Tim look at each other wondering who's she's referring to.

Harley (tight smile): All of ya, it refers to all of ya.

Cass: What about me?

Harley: Oh you're perfect.

Dick: She has all of the shit you told us we have!

Harley: She doesn't have insomnia, anger issues, and she's fixed her daddy issues thanks to Bruce.

Cass claps eagerly.

[ditzybat]

dick: you need your license revoked, your driving is absolutely heinous, jay

jason: that’s fair, i’m pretty sure my permit is expired

dick: i’m almost scared to ask… permit?

jason: not much time to learn how to drive in between dying and being resurrected

dick: oh my god

jason, literally seconds away from hitting bruce with his car: you’re looking at a man with exactly one shitty walmart parking lot driving lesson under his belt

[shyjusticewarrior]

Dick: You're the personality hire of the batfamily.

Jason: I don't even have a good personality.

Dick: Yeah but we love you anyway.

[timdrakeismypatronus]

Tim: Okay sex is nice and all but have you ever rediscovered a fanfic you read ten years ago and thought was lost forever?? Jason: um... no? Tim: *nervous laugh* oh haha me neither