#i have jumbled thoughts rn im just sad

[ronispadez]

Any ideas for making new friends as a person who is freshly graduated who currently doesn't have a job or a driver's license and isn't going to college?

[shxtodxroki]

God I'm gonna miss this place

[c-kiddo]

tmn are all nd: a bunch o headcanons

(a sequel to these trans headcanons lol)

(also, warning before that this post is about neurodivergency and mental illness, so various mental illnesses will be mentioned. i dont want to single any out here, but you should probably skip this if thats something thats upsetting 2 you)

(also also, this is a infodump and not super in-depth or articulate, so sorry if i worded things wrong because i don’t mean to lol im just bad at reading things on screens so it might get jumbled. . )

beau: she’s got adhd and will hyperfocus and work All night on her theories and notes. perhaps she has audhd, has low-ish empathy and doesnt know how to regulate volume or realise her tone is usually annoyed sounding ksjnjkfs :''') also she has depression n that combined with adhd made her especially impulsive and self destructive, but she’s working on it, getting better :’) also had problems with substance abuse but the cobalt soul (dairon specifically) helped her get out of that. has cptsd because of her upbringing and abuse from her dad 

fjord: he’s got adhd too, babey!!!! also he’s got tourettes and his most common tics are: clearing his throat, a small head tilt, raising his eyebrows and grinding his teeth. he's a bit (a lot) impulsive and him and beau cant be trusted alone together they will get distracted and into trouble

yasha: she's autistic!! mostly effected by th social aspect of it.. like, talking to people is hard and she doesn’t get jokes or sayings and its all just tiring. also has p bad social anxiety. also memory loss from trauma as per canon.. struggles with when she does start to remember things but luckily has a support system so she doesnt just run off on her own like before :')  she also tends to disappear off like that due to sensory overload and just being overwhelmed in general bc of autism

caleb: i mean, he’s autistic n its basically canon. he experiences psychosis and has ptsd n depression/anxiety that has come from his trauma. he already had OCD before trauma and his obsessions revolve around hurting others A Lot, especially with fire after his trauma.. he also has dermatillomania due to ocd and anxiety. also has some sort of disordered eating in a self-punishment way.. .

veth: she has autistic-girlie-who-was-diagnosed-as-an-adult swag .. . and then the substance addiction that often comes with that i guess :''') .. also think she has body dysmorphia of course, especially during her being Nott, and some lingering things after too.. she just struggles to perceive her body for a while.. yeza rly helps ground her back to herself tho so thats nice :' ) . also she ptsd from her own murder + drowning , as per canon

molly: has npd and also he has a traumatic brain injury caused by all the things going on in his brain when his souls leave and he dies and things.. so struggles sometimes to find the right words and with memory and with mood regulation. also experiences psychosis and just, in general, strange things going on in his brain.. . also he likes sounds and textures all the time but will sacrifice th sounds for hanging out with yasha because its 110% worth it to sit with her instead ;w; they sign to eachother sometimes and have a made up sort of language

jester: she's got adhd and it means she loves having 10 conversations at once and spinning around and telling you all about her fave romance novel at lightning speed. she stims like all the time with little objects and ribbons and bells. also accidentaly yells a lot sknfsk and same as molly, likes noise n things all the time, gets kinda anxious or sad without it.. ;-; oh jester,, filling up space with noise so she doesnt have to be in the quiet..im not sure if i have any more thoughts about her rn :o

caduceus: he’s autistic (so overwhelmed by noises and too much all the time, also his empathy is fluctuating and he's not sure how to perceive it.. its confusing, he can be very empathetic and then, sometimes he's just in focus-mode and totally doesnt get at all what the vibes th other person is putting out is).. he’s got (inattentive) adhd. also depersonalisation derealisation disorder. and experiences psychosis since it was triggered by being alone in the grove so long + consuming hallucinogens a lot. he tends to just deal with it and not to tell tmn though, even though most of the time there's some little whispery noise or a fuzzy shape around, he's not scared mostly, only when he's triggered by something... also bad anxiety sometimes that he doesnt know how to deal with so he usually casts calm emotions on himself to help, or the herbs he chews (or smokes) for his joint pain help it. and also, his eating is Disorded but doesn’t quite realise (denial, ignoring it perhaps) the eating habits he has aren’t healthy,... he's just. kinda messed up still from all that time alone.. he had his own odd sometimes nonsensical reasons behind ways he treated his body and some of them stuck. also omg this section is a mile long im sorry,  but also he has dyslexia and dyspraxia and dyscalculia . .. numbers and letters and walking without bumping into stuff is tricky. also thats why his fine motor skills for writing /drawing aren't so good like in canon :-3 

ok,. thee end. good night now u_u zz

[lordramsaybolton]

Long DID rambling (Ramsay, Cersei, etc.)

it's complicated bc like...i really like cersei as a character, she's always been one of my problematic faves, but then, like Ramsay before her, she ended up in my head. As I've spoken about with my Ramsay and my Kylo (the fictional introjects--a fictive or fictional introject being a version of a fictional character that becomes an alter in a DID system), they are not the exact same as their canon counterparts.

The Cersei in my head is not as developed as Ramsay is, more of a fragment at times, and she mostly stays "inworld" or inside my head, very rarely actually fronting though lately that seems to be changing to some degree.

In any case, she fucked Ramsay "inworld" and obviously I was jealous bc Rams and I are basically "married" as the sort of mother and father figures of this whole ridiculous clan of alters. Ramsay protested that we barely spend time together a lot these days which yes, is true, and makes me sad--and it's something we've been working to correct. It's almost like his duty as "protector" of our system and more recently someone who actually engages (safely, under observation) with the littles, as a sort of parental figure (Daddy and sometimes "Mama" Ramsay lol--problematic genderfluid icon...anyway) has given him less time to spend with me.

And I can't go "inside" like the others. I can't spend time with him and seem to have two separate bodies like he can with Cersei. I still love Cersei as I try to extend love to all the alters--even ones I have had conflict with in the past, since we're all part of one unit, and sometimes the lines between us when we co-front seem more blurred than others.

Idk what my point was. Just articulating my thoughts about all this.

inb4 LARP, we've been professionally diagnosed since 2014 and talked to various experts about this phenomenon--none of it is unheard of. okay. im done now.,

but if Cersei makes a blog too don't be surprised.

My switching headaches are worsening and we're all jumbled up liike we are every Fall season.

I'm also begging my brain to not implant any House of the Dragon characters into my head. My fear upon consuming any new media. Once your brain learns to cope in a certain way, it will just...keep doing that, especially in times of abuse and stress which HEY, are sure happening to me rn. -_-

thx 4 reading if anybody did

Edit: cerseis been around here since like 2017, possibly 2016, it’s not totally new. Ramsay since 2014 for comparison.

[hufflautia]

Where it all started [Part 1]

Chapter 1 

Sometimes links don’t appear on posts. if you can’t see the link to “Chapter 1”, my masterlist is pinned to the top of my blog, and you can find it there.

Summary: Slytherin’s parents have another argument, but at this point, no one’s surprised. After all, they’re her parents. It would be abnormal if they didn’t argue. However, this one’s a biggie. The fight ends with the slam of a door and her dad packing his bags into the car and getting ready to leave. Desperate for him to come back, Slytherin’s mom forces her to go to him with a message that will surely make him stay. Buckle up folks, for this is where it all began. 

Slytherin stood on the sidewalk as she watched her dad pack up his things into the van. 

She dug her fingernails into her arm, her heart stinging with ache as her dad turned around with a smile on his face, a failed attempt to reassure her that it was going to be ok. It was all gonna be ok. After all, this was normal, right? It’s not like it was unusual that her dad was leaving again to go back to Florida, where the homewrecker waited for him, her outstretched hands eagerly opened up to him and his credit card. 

However, this was the first time he left abruptly. A spike of sorrow stabbed at Slytherin’s heart as she thought back to the sound of her parents’ door abruptly opening; soon after, she could hear angry stomps that quickly descended down the steps of the staircase. 

She could almost hear the hiss in her ear as she stood in the archway of the living room, watching her dad leave in the far distance. “Tell him that Ravenclaw’s crying,” her mother spat, pushing her towards the front door. “Quickly, before he leaves!” 

Slytherin internally sighed. How typical. Instead of resolving their relationship issues by going to couples therapy, her mom decided to throw all those burdens onto her daughter, who had already grown tragically used to being used as her puppet. 

She decided not to argue against going after her dad and trying to guilt-trip him into staying home as her mom wanted. Otherwise, she would be lectured on how she’s selfish and wouldn’t do this small thing for her mom, how she’s basically ruining this family by letting her dad leave, how family is so fucking important and manipulating her dad into staying would be vital to their happiness as a whole, how family this and family that. 

You get the point. Slytherin certainly did. That’s why she was currently standing awkwardly behind her dad, staring at his back as he lifted boxes into his car. 

“Um, Raven…” She paused. Her throat felt dry and tight. Swallowing with difficulty, she tried again. “Ravenclaw’s crying.” 

It wasn’t the crying itself that mattered. That wasn’t the main reason why her mom rushed her out the door to deliver the message to her dad. It was simply the fact that it was Ravenclaw who was crying. Let’s just say that he and his dad had a complicated relationship. 

Things were never the same between them after Ravenclaw sent an angry message to him via text when he was in Florida a year ago. The contents of the message reeked of disdain for his constant infidelity. When his mom found out, she shoved the phone into Slytherin’s face in the dead of night and asked if she knew about this. The glaring light from the screen nearly blinded her. 

Slytherin read the text messages through squinted eyes and could make out a few curse words here and there. Though she was slightly disoriented from the sudden ambush of information, it was clear to her that her brother resented their dad for what he did.  

That made Ravenclaw’s anguish even more useful in their mom’s opinion. Seeing the tears streak down his face when he heard that his dad was leaving again, she had a glorious idea. Perhaps if her husband knew of their son’s sorrow, he would reconsider his abrupt departure. After all, it was Ravenclaw who was crying. 

If it were Hufflepuff, that would be understandable—she can get quite emotional sometimes. But it was Ravenclaw, who was usually guarded and distant. One might suggest that he was secretly broken inside. But that’s not the point, at least not in his mom’s opinion. The main thing she was concerned about was that she could use his misery to her advantage! Maybe if her husband knew of his sadness, he would feel guilty enough to stay behind. After all, if his son, who despised him, was upset over his departure, perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad to stay home and endure his wife’s temper for a little while longer. 

Slytherin’s words did produce somewhat of a reaction. Her dad didn’t turn around for a while, but when he did, his eyes were slightly red and puffy. It was evident that he was trying to hold back his tears. One might think that this means that he’ll stay. He seemed distraught over the news that his son was crying because of his leave. Surely, he’ll stay, right? 

It wasn’t enough. Nothing ever seems to be enough.

“I’ll be back soon, okay?” He hugged her briefly and gave a light squeeze as a sign of reassurance. As a silent message that it was going to be ok. Even though everything was most definitely not okay. A thousand hugs and gestures of reassurance wouldn’t change this. 

Slytherin didn’t react angrily to his refusal, the unspoken declaration of No, I will not go back home. In fact, it seemed as if she didn’t react at all. However, if one were paying close attention, they would notice the sparkle in her eyes dim. But maybe there wasn’t a sparkle to begin with. She had been enduring this shit for so long that she forgot what it was like to be normal, to feel like the white kid you see in commercials, the one who seemed to radiate mirth, a type of energy that said, I don’t have a care in the world because life is so fucking great and I can’t stop smiling. She didn’t even bother to smile, a common facial expression when one is in a difficult situation and tries to diffuse the somber atmosphere by slapping a facade on their face, the corners of their lips upturned to form a grimace that resembles some sort of a smile—a twisted kind of smile, that’s for sure. Why should she pretend that everything was okay when it wasn’t? Instead, she merely nodded in response. 

When her dad pulled away to pack the last box into the trunk, she took a deep breath to diminish the familiar sense of abandonment that flooded her senses, to clear the warning signs that flashed in her mind. He’s leaving! Your dad is leaving! He’s abandoning you again. You’re apparently not important enough for him to stay. 

She stared at the ground, only looking up when she heard the sound of a car door slamming shut. The resounding click was all it took for the waterfalls to finally pour from her eyes, for it was at this moment when she realized that this was actually happening. This was no dream—it was reality. Her sad, devastating reality. Tears blurred her vision as she watched the car drive away, leaving her in the dust. 

Slytherin gasped in erratic breaths between her broken sobs as her eyes hung onto the tiny speck that resembled her dad who was driving 

away, 

away, 

and a-w-a-y.

Through the jumble of thoughts that clashed in her head, one thing was clear. Her dad was her dad, but only sometimes. 

Tears streaking down her face, she tried to soothe her pain with the belief that he would be back soon. If only she had known that it would be a while before he returned. If only he hadn’t left. Perhaps things would’ve been different for her if he stayed, for this was where it started. 

This marked the beginning of it all.   

Comments and reblogs are a writer’s gold!

MASTERLIST ; sometimes links don’t appear on posts. if you can’t see the link to “MASTERLIST”, the masterlist itself is pinned to the top of my blog. check it out if you haven’t already! 

Author’s note: HI! Were you surprised to see that I posted two fics in a row?? I hope you enjoyed this. Most of it was unfortunately based on what happened to me a year or two ago. I based Ravenclaw on my brother, who did actually cry when my dad was leaving after an argument, and yes, my wack mother did force me to run after my dad to tell him. One of the few differences is that I’m not a drug addict and I’m fine now so dont worry. 

Idk how I feel about this series, it is a lot darker from what I usually write. I know I’m gonna have to write more for creative writing class, so maybe i will continue it. I will try to think of how to turn these fics into something more positive, because this stuff is very heavy and depressing. however, that will be a little difficult because the plot itself is naturally drab. however, i will try to think of a happy ending for Faye/Slytherin. 

Shall we look at some wholesome pictures? 

lmaoaoa i pasted this picture from the internet and tumblr glitched and pushed the pic all the way to the top. imagine seeing this dog at the beginning of the fic, that would be funny :’) 

AWWWWWW I THINK THIS MIGHT BE MY FAVORITE

ok hold up i just realized that is probably a stuffed animal 😐 this is so embarassing lmaoaoa when i saw it i was like THAT IS SO FRICKIN CUTE

OK WAIT WTF NOW I THINK ITS AN ACTUAL DOG??? CAN SOMEONE HELP AND TELL ME IF ITS REAL OR NOT?!! at first, i thought it was real, but then i looked at the paws and it looked kinda fake and i was like this dog is too fluffy and wholesome to be real. BUT THEN I LOOKED AGAIN and i think the owners just put the pooh outfit over the dog?? what is going on with my brain.. but at the same time, its 2 am for me rn so maybe i should get some sleep BUT FIRST, LETS LOOK AT MORE DOGS <3 (lmaoaoa i feel like my friend would say “gosh ur such a hufflepuff” (menna im talking about u lmao omg hey gorl)) 

After seeing this gryffindor pup, i immediately searched up “dog costumes hufflepuff” lmaoooooo

OK THATS ENOUGH DOGS FOR NOW. Part 2 is coming soon. I already have it ready but I might not post it right away. 

That’s all for now. Be sure to let me know what you think. TOODELOOO!

TAGS:  @slytherpuff-shenanigans @lokijiro @xxkitsurikaxx @sara-is-boredd @skylee-skz   @determinedpines @draco22malfoy @pancakes-and-sugar  @casteel08 @indigosimon1998 @tell-that-to-my-feather @the-ugly-duck0 @prettyblueskylark  @okiguessimawitchnow @daisyinmyheart @peachyblue @korra4321 @shoyoockbby  @ravenflowersposts @walkinganomaly @parkerthemarker02 @hummingbird-hufflepuff @bumbblebeeeeee @luciferswife16 @iknow-im-cute @maisen98 @shadowsinger11 @tuonglam03 @fanfic-reblogger @mygc0re @rellasworld @sha3thehunter @croctusjuice @jadefox05 @d0uxs @charleii @kaylenthegreat @hufflepufflepukwudgie3897 @insertlongnamehere @trashpannda @ihate-myname @nowheredreamer @history-geek101 @strawberrypanda99 @nikkijovanic @hannanshi @sirenofthe7seas  @johannamariemst @badass-like-damon  @willow-salix @remmyswritings @x-whatsupdoc-x @dracosvftie @hitchhiker-of-the-galaxy @akerlizzie @thatfann @justanxiousme @another-witch @bucinjisung @elegantcroissantplaidpony @treefroggo @narritydream @hufflpuffles @adreameratdawn @leftpeanutturtleegg @turbulentbluebird5 @geekgirl69 @praiseourlordduck @quakemebacktothe50s @nomad-of-the-realms @stardustzainy  @theblackwolf21 @crakencc @introvertedrae @cryinbisexual @bojelina @cocoqueenstheword @manicpixiedreamtarot @velvetstrawberry @jxmpsuitx @simpering-simpleton @urfaveslytherin @asterinatlas @simpforkpop @pufflehuff929 @morallyambiguoussimp @applekenm @chunwest @oncergleekpotterhead @no1-importan @qiaopao  @dulduldoldul @schlongbottom @vickeyunicorn @peanut-in-the-goal @hufflepuffgirly @flvrqnce @nothingtoseehere812 @maxwellsgang @1d-killed-me @betacaroteno-lanudo @dragon-slayer-fairy1 @thatonebislytherin @dragonsandbread @justanotherperson @sophiexteresa @hmilkwhoney @writertwiddle @questionsbecameourocean @anomiatartle @coldsweetharmony @dont-hyuck @fixstationed @kindawannadietbh @trippy-morgan @xo-angel-ox @fangirlgeekandfreak @evolnura @mossy-axolotl @verylovelystars @boilyourteeth @megand2017 @malfoys-demigod @booksntings @joshirlangford @staymoarmyzen @poojxshxh @hedgepuffgirl @alverniaphi @verifiefangirl-mainblog @purpleskymalfoy @roxy3457 @rayanicaraynbow @jess-harrywars @starrysonic @tonksichu @lauxtbs @tumlbr-trasher @chelseasosa @thebiggestnaturaldisaster @swagangelhorsepickle @princessstoopid @pymmoon @emilyaneliperry @pond-waterr @pandapillow @saraleo95 @astrartss @trentalexanders @theoriginaljohnwatsonsblog @nevilletheplantboi @just--another--hufflepuff @yoongifiess @ajdqueen @annie-mcl @coloring-bud @majorfangirl37 @eatacrackerandstop @weasleytwinswheezes @imscaredofhorses @dontmindmeimjustabox @glitterykidlightmug @multi-fandom-nutjob @littleemotionalpanda @thewitcheswords  @blueberry-9-pancakes @worldsbestdilfbecky @qixnsriess @inexperiencedpotathoe @notsowiseravenclaw @captiniminnie @ruinyourface @da-fox-rangerrr @inkedintothepaper  @happy-puff @grandcyclecreation @dawinehouse @catiwisspuff​ @aasa2102​  @mae-25​ @sydthekidd98 @kokichismango @xxavaloraxx​ @iamahufflepuff​ @adoregin​ @sunnniiee @lewispoolerpayton @dumbbitch85​ @bumblebirbs​ @diggorycullen​ @protectorofsk8topia​ @silverhetdanes​ @zuko-28​  @beardedhumanoid​ @arianatorpotterhead​ @shipping-book-keeper​ @marvelenthusiast10​ @i-cannot-do-aesthetics​ @a-huffleing-lesbean​ @kaslec​ @hufflepuffwritess​ @mouthfacereborn​ @kodeinekissss​ @ihavenocontrolofmylifeeither​ @pinqgchuu​ @im-a-solanum-lycopersicum​ @clementines-x​ @stressy-depressy​ @sweetinvisiblewriter​ @absentmindeduniverse​ @asnowpuff​ @theofficialgaybestfriend​ @violayaxley​ @sunshinyyb @colettedelaurel​ @theoriginalsherlockholmesblog​ @i-have-a-bad-feeling​ @jpow345​  @gay-disaster826​ @bloodyxheaven​ @autumnpleaves​ @froggy-failure​ @toomanybandstocare​ @pink1babez​ @untitled-2424​ @sleepdeprivedgurl​  @chaseanders​  @wolfpack-arts-industries99​ @nugnugchick​ @queenofwordsandnerds​ @ganjeolhiddaeng​ @wordy-escapades​ @writtenfoxscreams​ @w0odr0ses​ @coolpetsmcubandit​  @crypticcandi​ @widowsgranger​ @fantasyprincess101​ @wiiltedflowers​ @aestheticworldd​ @miniaturefunnytraveldonkey​ @bucketofdeadroses​ @uwuplsh​ @softedits-exe​ @cel3stialone​ @sofiapeachyy​  @wanderaven92​ @eunnieah​ @marsupialsgotbloodyears​ @eurydicedior​ @neonuzumaki​ @uhhhem​

[cower-before-power]

HI HELLO BC ANON IS BACK!!!! i completely forgot to keep you updated on my progress through black clover this is so sad im sorry!!! but im at the royal knights exam already😅 i met the red haired guy and i didnt know he was gonna be a bad guy😭😭 well actually idk if hes bad yet but he did kinda massacre that one purple orcas guy and took his name. So. BUT SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED i really need to update you more so these arent so jumbled and long😅😅😅 OKAY FIRST THE WITCHES FOREST!!! HONESTLY WHY DO THOSE EYE OF THE MIDNIGHT SUN BITCHES SHOW UP EVERYWHERE💀💀💀 LEAVE ASTA ALONE!! mans was just trying to get his arms back he didnt gaf abt the stone💀 ok but the whole squad going out to find out how to fix astas arms made me tear up…. found family is my fave trope. also this damn show kept mentioning the demon residing in the fifth leaf and we FINALLY SEE THAT, at least im assuming. i have no idea tbfh bc homie just got a red eye and black wing after talking to a creepy ominous shape in his head and then beat ass so… anyways… VANESSA. SHE GOT THE STRING OF FATE AND ITS A CAT??? HELLO THATS SO CUTE !!!! AND SHE OFFERED TO GIVE UP HER ENTIRE LITERAL LIFE FOR ASTA SO HE COULD HAVE HIS ARMS HEALED OH MY GOD!!!!! MVP OF MY ENTIRE LIFE GIRL CARRIED IN THE FOREST!!! SO DID NOELLE!!! AND FANA ? SHE WAS RLLY APART OF THE DIAMOND KINGDOM?? hang on a minute……… wait so she had a life before the eye… how did they get her….. and why did she have a whole new personality….. lauren i am completely confused rn just so u know.. ok im going to split this into two so expect another ask with my thoughts on the volcano and the start of the selection exam!!!

BC anon!!! I was so happy to receive your two asks today 🥰

The Witches Forest Arc was indeed very cool. Lots of good character and plot development! Especially for Vanessa. That cat is gonna come in handy quite a bit, you’ll see 😉. And if I remember correctly they will explain more about what happened to Fana later on, but if I’m wrong forgive me, it’s been a while since I’ve watched!

Yes, that was the first time you see Asta’s “demon”. Don’t forget about him, you are gonna see a lot more of him as the show goes on! Honestly once you hit the arc after the Exam a lot of things are going to get explained and stuff will make a lot more sense. But enjoy the exam arc as it’s really good!! Every shonen has to have some sort of tournament doesn’t it haha.

Now I’m going to answer your second ask haha!

[mrsbhandari]

#4: don't give me that look- I had this idea for mc x colt that's half angst half smut- colt gets into a motorcycle accident and mc has to patch him up in his room. mc starts kissing his scars (cause im a sucker for that kind of thing) and it ends with them having loving thank-god-you're-not-dead-i-love-you-sex. I love you and your blog- you probably have a lot of other asks rn so no need to rush! thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️

thank you so much!! im glad you like my stuff, and youre just so sweet <3

ill try my best to include everything for you!!

4. “Don’t give me that look.”

“Colt?!” Roze was up in an instant from her seat on the couch of the garage, books previously in her lap now clattering to the floor. Colt gave a weak wave as he walked his motorcycle into the garage, wincing as he kicked down the stand for the bike and heavily leaned against it. Mona looked up curiously. 

“Accident?” she asked, referring to how he was heavily favoring his right side. 

“Salazar and his goons fucked up my bike before a race,” Colt explained, gritting his teeth and tensing up as Roze rushed over to him. 

“Come with me,” she demanded, throwing his large arm around her shoulders and walking him to his room. 

“I’m glad you’re alright.” Mona was into her magazine again. “Don’t be too loud.”

As soon as the door to his room closed, Roze was briskly walking him to the bathroom where she sat him down on the toilet and retrieved the first aid kit from below the sink. Colt glanced at himself in the mirror as she opened a few packages of bandages, but he quickly glanced back down once he saw the stretches of his injuries creeping out from under his shirt. As much as he wanted to hide from his girlfriend, she tugged at the hem of his shirt. 

“This needs to come off.” He gave her a blank stare. “Don’t give me that look. I need to help you, Colt.”

“You’re angry.” She threw up her hands and gave a frustrated sigh. 

“Of course I’m angry, Colt! You said you weren’t going to race anymore, that you were going to focus on running the Crew. Then you get really hurt and you don’t even call me! What if something happened on the way home from the sideshow? What if Salazar followed you home? What if he hurt you even more, Colt?” He winced as she took his shirt off, revealing a dark purple bloom over the right side of his torso. A deep gash ran down his bicep, covered in dried blood. Other cuts and bruises littered his body, some deeper and darker than others. He had scars that mixed in with the fresh injuries, little and big lines of red and white from jobs and fights. The sight made Roze’s heart ache. 

“I’m sorry, it was--”

“Colt, you could’ve died.” He looked up at her and was surprised to see that she was crying, a bandage in her left hand and some ointment in the right. Tears dripped down her cheeks and fell onto his jeans, small damp circles discoloring the fabric. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you--” She cut herself off with a sob, and he ignored the screaming of his muscles as he tugged her into a hug, pulling her into his lap and allowing her to bury her face in his shoulder as she sobbed. 

“Sh, it’s okay, I’m here.” Her body shook in his hands, and he struggled to console her. “I’m not going anywhere, okay?” She lifted her head and sniffled, leaning into his touch as he swiped her tears with his thumb. Gingerly, she climbed off his lap and resumed wrapping up his injuries, running a finger over every bruise and cut. The more he kept glancing in the mirror, the more self-conscious he felt in front of her. 

Roze’s skin was unblemished as a result of her quick mind always getting her out of tough situations. Colt’s philosophy for dealing with the unexpected was ‘Punch first, ask questions later,’ but Roze always thought out every possible outcome and made her decisions based on that. The evidence of how careful she thought things out was glaring in the smooth skin that never had a scratch on it. It wasn’t like him to be so insecure, but with her, he could feel his emotions jumbling. 

“I’m sorry for yelling.” Her sad voice snapped him out of his thoughts, but he hurried to wave it off.

“No, no, you’re right. It was stupid and I shouldn’t have scared you.” He hissed when she focused on the large cut on his arm, stitching it, wrapping it tightly in a bandage, and kissing it when she finished. His face flushed. “What was that for?” 

“You keep glancing at your scars in the mirror, and that one is most likely going to be your biggest once it heals.” The blush touched his neck and he cursed how he couldn’t hide it. Before he could respond, she cut him off with a heated kiss and he noticed that she was still trembling. Her next words were whispered. “I was so scared, Colt.”

“Hey, princess,” he cooed, hands grabbing her face and forcing her to look at him. “I’m here to stay, alright?” Nodding, she pulled him in for another desperate kiss until he stood from the toilet, allowing all the materials on his lap to crash down to the ground. They had been in his room enough to know exactly where the bed was without needing to separate. A dull pain had settled over his body after she fixed him up, but the feeling of her lips over his skin pushed the throbbing to the back of his mind. 

“I need you, Colt.” She said his name like he was going to disappear if she didn’t acknowledge he was there, but the sound of the word falling from her lips made him only more desperate to be with her, so he didn’t mind. She fell back on the bed and undressed for him, pulling down her skirt and underwear easily and leaving her bra on. 

“You have me, Roze,” he promised, hands traveling over every expanse of skin he could touch as she pulled his jeans down. They were tossed somewhere, Colt never knew where until the next morning, nor did he care. Right now, all he needed was to show Roze how much he loved her. 

“Will you be okay? I don’t want to hurt you.” He smiled down at her, all flushed and with eyes wide with concern. 

“I’ve been through worse, princess.” He pulled her hips up and slowly sank into her, hissing as she enveloped him with her heat. Her head was thrown back into the mattress, dyed hair and tattooed arm a stark contrast to the black blanket they were on. She looked fucking perfect, and he could feel himself quickly approaching his peak with his languid strokes. It looked like she struggled, but she still opened her eyes to lock eyes with him as he thrust into her and ignored the pain, one finger drifting to rub circles around her clit. 

“Fuck, Colt, I love you so much,” she moaned as she was sent over the edge, hands grabbing the sheets next to her and clutching as if they were her lifeline. 

“I love you, Roze,” he groaned as he emptied himself inside her, thrusting as long as he could before she pulled him down to lay on top of her. His body thanked him for the rest, and he continued to press kisses up and down her neck. “I’m never going to leave you, okay?” She pressed a kiss to the top of his head. 

“Me neither, Colt.”

[honeylikewords]

(P1) The pilgrim thing got me really disappointed!! Because they LITERALLY SAID!!! HE WAS GONNA BE FIGHTING A*T-RIGHT PEOPLE THIS SEASON!!!! I feel like this is a big let down to a lot of the people who were looking forward to frank, a character who is commonly misconstrued as an a*t-right figure himself to deny that once and for all, namely the fans who belong to minority groups (myself included) as well as the issue with the last I know they were doing it as a little easter egg by

(P2) recreating that one image from the comics but they could have put it in a better situation because a)those criminals were in fact rather young and the fact that the perfectly fit the "thug" stereotype is iffy at BEST. Because it also brings up something that was talked about in luke cage/defenders (a character I mcfrikken love) that black boys who are just trying to feed their family end up getting killed/beaten within an inch of their life meanwhile the white vigilante gets off free

(P3) (I know I'm writing a lot I apologize but m feeling heated ab thjs) because truly they looked roughly the same age as Amy. I will say I enjoyed his brotherly jokes with curtis (shout out to that man for dealing with his dumbass and not killing him for all the stress he causes him akdjsk) and the times he showed true care and softness (ie ACTUAL FRANK CHARACTERIZATION) towards amy. Im also iffy about the fact that he let a guy who peddles child porn go? S2 of dd he killed a dude doing that

Okay, first of all, don’t worry about apologizing, it’s TOTALLY fine to be heated about this. The media we consume is reflective of the thoughts and beliefs of the people creating it, and can influence the thoughts and beliefs of the people consuming it. As such, we SHOULD be heated about the content we see and create; it has impact and influence, and it matters that we call out issues when we see them, and remain intensely scrutinous of what we’re being shown. No need to be ashamed of that.

Second, I’m going to answer each point or comment made here in list format, just to try and keep things organized. Because it’d be really easy for me to spin out and start ranting, and I want to keep this cohesive and legible.

1) The letting Pilgrim live thing was just... so unimaginably stupid. They talked about him being a major antagonist and yet he played no important role in the series at all. From a functional, story-based level, the entire Pilgrim-Schultzes plot needed to be cut. It was convoluted, unnecessary, and wasteful, while also managing to be confusing and just flat out boring. Pilgrim wasn’t even an interesting character! He was just a waste of screentime! The two plots of Billy and Pilgrim were always fighting for attention, and it distracted from the linear progression of the show.

But on a more fundamental and moral level, it was also just... so, so bad to display him as an alt-r*ght neo-N*zi and just... let him live. As if he had an excuse. As if he was “equitable” to Frank because his weird little Christian fundamentalist wife died and he had two kids (off topic, but Lemuel is a horrible name).  As if I was supposed to feel bad for him. As if I was supposed to sympathize with him, pity him. I don’t. And if I, a pacifist, soft-hearted, “forgiveness freely given” girl wouldn’t pity him, why on earth would a man like Frank?

It’s ridiculous. It’s shameful. Any piece of media that tries to “humanize” N*zis in a way where they are portrayed as sympathetic and “just people following orders” is disgusting. A N*zi chooses hate. A N*zi chooses bigotry. There is no mistake there, no human folly. That is choice and it is unforgivable. Pilgrim deserved to die, and that’s all I have to say about it.

2) I recognized that as a scene from the comics, an icon of Punisher-ing, but... You’re really, really right, and that’s something that worries me about Punisher and its fanbase. I’ve been stepping away from Punisher because I think it’s starting to cross the line into that territory; white vigilantism is, in many ways, a dangerous game to play, and when we start to romanticize white men with guns taking the law into their own hands and mowing down “thugs” (who, you are right to say, are usually just poor POC who are trying to make ends meet), we start walking a razor thin line.

Frank Castle in DD S2 was... different. This new Frank, this Punisher Frank? I don’t like him. And I don’t like what he stands for. Not anymore.

And I think the issue is that people like the idea of this big, bad white man with the guns calling all the shots, literal and metaphorical. And that scares me. Frank Castle is supposed to protect these infringed people, supposed to protect the downtrodden and oppressed. When he becomes a symbol and tool of that oppression, things get ugly, and things go wrong.

We can’t just excuse the inherent issues in something like Punisher just because we like Jon. I know I can’t. I have to ask these questions because they matter, and because it matters to me and to hundreds of thousands of other people who have to live with the fact that there is a chance that they could be shot down like that for no reason other than because someone decides their life doesn’t matter as much as, let’s say, a white one.

I know it sucks to bring politics into something we enjoy, but it also sucks that people have to deal with the real-life consequences of these issues. And it sucks that people see this show and idealize it, romanticize it, idolize the violence and the wickedness and the idea that they should be able to hold the scales of justice on their own and decide who matters based on their own personal whims.

The race discussion is very real with Punisher, and it’s a discussion we need to be having. We need to look at this critically and we need to see that, yes, there’s some very, very bad problems and some glaring issues. And we need to be honest about that, preferences all set aside.

3) Curtis Hoyle is a f*cking saint and deserves a break. He deserves it. (Also, what is going on with the show that they? Seemed to forget he has a prosthetic? He was leaping around and doing all manner of stunts as if he had both legs. Like... guys.)

4) Dad Frank was the only good thing about this season. Fight me.

5) The child p*rn thing upset me, too. I guess we’re supposed to infer that Frank is “growing” and not just killing whomever he pleases, and supposed to infer that he listens to Amy and wants to please her and not upset her, but... then he, like, murders anyone anytime anywhere after that. It seemed like they only showed the “growth” away from the urge to kill when it suited them, and it seems it only suited with regards to some of the lowest, most disgusting people ever.

Like, Frank takes the shot and kills Billy without even letting Billy say his final, dying words (which seemed to be an apology in the making?), but holds back from killing Pilgrim just because Pilgrim said “wait” and “I have sons”? Bullshit. Pilgrim and that child p*rn man should have died. End of discussion.

In the end, I guess I’d sum it up this way: Punisher season two lacks conviction. It wants to present the argument that things with Frank are complicated, but complicated just ends up coming across as nonsensical. Nothing about the show makes sense, there is no clear character development, every action is seemingly at random, and the plot is jumbled. The show can’t stick to anything without changing its mind, retconning itself into nothingness.

But worse yet are the implications of this jumbled mess; humanizing N*zis and white s*premacists, advocating the brutal violence of a white man with a gun as his own lawless lawmaker, and just a sort of devil-may-care attitude about what it means to be someone with power and exerting that over people who don’t stand a chance.

I have a lot of complaints, but I think, mostly, I’m just disappointed and sad. Frank deserves better than this. We deserve better than this.

We deserve heroes who will fight for what’s right. This Frank seemed to hardly know what on earth it was he was fighting for. And that makes me really, really frustrated.

(D/o/n’t r/e/b/lo/g, I don’t wanna get into any discourse, thnx)

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 3 | “It does not look good for our tribe. Honestly, we suck... Really bad. ” - Duncan

The way I absolutely flopped at that puzzle… this is why I’m a Beauty cause a sis ain’t smart to complete a puzzle and I’m not brawn-y enough to do well in a challenge hgjfdk BUT that being said, Hagthor beat the thots and apiss and I couldn’t be any happier! I do wish Brawn lost over Brain but yknow, you can’t have everything go your way (‘: it’s funny how I slayed the last challenge and flopped this one tho like a bitch really lacks consistency huh ghfjndmks

Heading into a second tribal council, there is becoming less and less room to hide. I am struggling to hold my own against the other tribes when it comes to competitions, but thank goodness it's a numbers game. If everything goes accordingly, I am taking a backseat this vote and allowing a 4-2 vote out when it comes to Trace. I appreciated Duncan coming to me with the alliance chat information with him/Scott/Trace/Isaac, but didn't like how Autumn needed to tell me first. Shows that I really can't trust Scott/Duncan after a swap comes up. In regards to Scott, he outright didn't say anything. I like him and all, but it was a slimy move to say the least. He only said something because he HAD to vote out someone in one of his two alliances. This group will be dumb as hell if they let me swap. I'll flip on them as soon as possible and invite anyone into my alliance. The tribe swap is where I made my 'Slithers' game infamous last time, so I'm hoping for a similar output. Don't forget: I swapped with the minority last time in Guyana (shout out to Jess), so I'm not worried about the numbers and how its split. ALL I NEED IS A SWAP OR TWIST. GET ME OUT OF HERE. 

Wow we’re really flopping this challenge huh! I really hate this as a group challenge bc we wasted so much time believing in an algorithm that doesn’t even work! 

okay so i again filmed a video confessional while walking the dog which i WILL eventually upload i promise hosts BUT. this challenge was literally torture, staring at the excel spreadsheet was so draining. TJ did so much work for it so I really really hope we win he is so sweet i was real mean to him at the start for truly no reason NNN i really really want the beauty tribe to go to to tribal, or the brains lot again i guess? i dont really wanna go to tribal even though i think Liam M is the easy vote? i'd rather not. i just feel really drained after that challenge i wish this confessional was even a little bit exciting im sorry hosts

i feel like i underappreciated dan as an ally?! the more i talk to him its like hmmm we vibe and we have similar energy? like i get very different but good energies from all of dan, jake and jordan! which i love, like i feel really good about them all. like what's reassuring about dan (and this sounds weird) is he feels fine complaining about others to me in pms? like jake does the same and that makes me feel really reassured trust wise - like i would never talk negatively about another player to someone i distrusted tbh... so i feel really good about that! i feel like particularly in a maybe swap i'll really bond with whoever i get to swap with even MORE. idk i just feel good about this brawn tribe still i don't want to GOOO.

okay so yesterday was... eventful! i watched the sequester mini with jake which was super fun and then right after... he cracked the tomb and i decided to tell jake about my idol. have i had it since day two? yes. but i told him i found it during the mini so i wouldnt seem sus. i dont regret my decision (so far at least anyway JKASD) because a) he cracked the tomb and immediately told me b) i think he is loyal and particularly since i told him i can and will idol him like i dont think he has incentive to leak my idol unless it comes down to lategame and he wants to blindside me but i don't see myself being able to hold onto the idol until that stage anyway! but yeah so jake knows about my idol so i'm hoping i can use it to my benefit, or to save him because i'm really invested in his success this season. maybe we are gonna be the two brawns at the end woo and tony style even tho i think i'm probs the woo nnnnn

Trace went home and that is yet another potential connection I could’ve had in the game GONE… like the Brains really wanna see me flop huh! It’s interesting that it was 4-2 vote tho like it has my overthinking self spiraling lowkey. I do really feel for the Brains having to lose twice though like I’ve been on a flop tribe before and morale is always low so my heart goes out to them and I hope they beat Brawn xoxo 

This challenge? Literal homophobia! Like I love unscrambled eggs and I want my eggs cracked by VARIOUS men but this was not what I had in mind (‘: this challenge being my alliance + AJ is interesting as well considering that AJ was the one person I haven’t established a game connection with but I do really like him. In a way, I do think him participating in this challenge is the best thing that could’ve happened to his game since it allows him to build more connections with others? That being said, Connor on the other hand… is disappointing me in a way like the king isn’t talking much or doing much. If he has personal stuff to attend to, I completely get it and he should focus on that first but I do wanna know so I don’t assume he disappeared yknow (‘: but oh well !!!

I do think me honing in on the fact that Kendall and I are two peas in a pod in this game has her really thinking that which is awesome! I do adore that girl but I gotta keep an eye out (for Selener). She did tell me that her goals this round include the following 1) Set up an alliance with us + Austin, 2) Get AJ to be our alliance’s fake 5th, and 3) Get out Adam. While I am glad she told me all of this, I’m just very cautious of her connections? Austin and I are super close and he likes her, that’s fine. My thing is with AJ because while we were calling, I did pick up on the fact that those two have played before and whatnot so who knows. I’m just a naturally stressed person so ye !!! I do really like Adam though so I hope we don’t lose at all (‘:

I hate myself for being on a call for 9 hours in this game ghjfkdls but that being said, I do genuinely love everyone on this tribe and the thought of losing makes me super emo because I feel close to every person here in one way or another. It’s a dilemma too because us winning this challenge would be ideal but if we do win and Brawn goes to tribal, the Beauty Tribe becomes public enemy number one in a swap scenario because why wouldn’t the other tribes wanna get rid of the tribe that has the most members yknow? It’s a nail-biter regardless ;-; 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fpSJvDJxy38LcRI4MjwzIa64zT_tytXC/view?usp=sharing

So I'm not surprised that we lost AGAIN! Lowkey I feel like I did everything during this challenge so not only do I feel more defeated, but I'm annoyed that not too many people contributed. Like I have to constantly ask people how they're doing in the challenge, and they provide me with NOTHING!! And I'm tired of voting people out :/ Anyways, I feel like voting out Isaac is a dumb move for my game going forward, because Duncan/Autumn are clearly a duo. Duncan even said to me that he wouldn't mind voting out Devon if we needed too. If we don't swap next round and lose again, I have the feeling Duncan and Autumn are going to try and pit Devon and I against each other. I like to think they'd choose me over Devon since I don't have any connections to anyone. The smart move would be for them to utilize Isaac and blindside me, but I like to think they wouldn't be doing that anytime soon. I feel bad voting out Isaac because I know how much he hated being booted early in Malaysia. So to do that to him again is really sad to me. I would try to convince Devon to split up Autumn/Duncan, but he's all about the 4 going forward. Everyone is and as much as I love the 4, that type of game is boring. Idk maybe my style of gameplay is different than theirs. If I see that I'm in a sinking ship, I make sure to grab a life vest and swim to another boat. I don't sit on the boat and say "okay, time to drown now". Luckily none of them know me for the numerous times that I've flipped on alliances before. If we do swap next round, my plan is to remain loyal to whichever brain is on my tribe. However, this won't stop me from trying to make connections with people from other tribes and making new alliances. If I need to ditch my brains to solidify trust with my new tribe, then that is exactly what I am going to do. In the event that I do leave tomorrow, this game was fun! After being out of the tumblr survivor community for 3 years, I don't think I'd come back for a future org/season because the amount of stress i've been in this past week is more than I've endured with online learning since corona came to town. Idk I wouldn't be surprised if a #blindside came my way.

it's only day 7 and we havent even been to tribal yet and we STILL arent going because we won again, and im already going off the deep end like am i crackedt?? what the hell is happening on this tribe like am i the quiet one or is there just a collective quiet going on since we're just sliding through the game rn?? im not gonna lie it's kinda boring... it's getting weird.....the fact that there's an idol just looming around and someone has it and isnt telling me is making me crazy, and then to make me even more crazy i foolishly decided to sit out of the challenge today, i knew i probably wasnt gonna be good at anything with the letters all jumbled together, im just being real so i decide to spare my tribe and myself mostly the misery and sit out, i dont want to be perceived as weak completely and be voted off right now for it, but i do want to start to make sure people think im not that good at the challenges so i dont have a target going foward- also, im really just not good at the challenges. BUT apparently everyone was just like on a call together all day because of the challenge and obviously i couldnt be in it so :// my own fault! i didnt think it through completely and luckily we won, but if we hadnt, i mean... a day long on/off call is more than enough to bond over and pick a first boot from those not in it, but aj updated me on everything and at least according to him, my name wasnt mentioned and they were mostly working on the challenge and discussing white men, so that means i didnt miss much! im still working day by day on trying to water my relationships with everyone and make sure theyre ready to bloom into my little alliances once its had enough time to absorb all the sunshine i naturally radiate!! However.... others arent doing the same gorl.... like connor, literally messaged me out of the blue just to have a conversation and when i tried talking to him he stops messaging me right away ... like hello is it something i said?? i literally feel like parvati when she was going is it me?? am i being punkd??? also tried talking to kendall again today, i do enjoy her i will say she's growing on me but as of now she hasnt responded to me yet, which is ok since i never respond to anyone either oop hopefully its just not everyone vs. adam already in other news i guess a swap could be coming?? i really just dont want to be on a tribe with jakey because im not ready to dig up the hatchet from cvc lets keep it buried please!! unless he's completely forgotten that and wants to work with me and be my shield again but um... dont think he'd be up for that! im here to play a NEW game not my old one, in any case, no matter what happens i feel like as long as i have any of my fellow A name sisters- AJ, Augusto, or Amir with me, i could possibly be fine... i dont think Amir was really playing me anymore either like i did yesterday smh i think that was just a tangent of paranoia my mind created (maybe ..) 

I feel like we have to be swapping tonight like this brains tribe has lost so many challenges in a rwo, that ifit wasnt planned i feel like the hosts have to be like "put it in sis they movin" Im gonna spendthe rest of the of today working on my relationships with the rest of my brawny boys, so no if we do swap, on matter what configurations it lands on I should have options. Still dont know jac shit about the tomb and that is bothering me but thats a problem for another day.

Well, thank god that we were able to pull that challenge out. I knew if we lost it that my ass could potentially be on the line given how large of a role I played in organizing that challenge, so it would have been sad (and hella scary) to have lost that. But I do think I've shown that I can be a valuable asset to this tribe now in the event that we somehow stay in tribes for another round. I'm anticipating a tribe swap here this next round, so I kind of just need to prepare to meet some new people and hope that I'm on a tribe with some people that I've gotten along with. Ideally, I'd have Jake with me and we'd act as if we weren't that close, but I'd be happy to see basically anyone but Liam there with me. He's a great guy, but I know he doesn't trust me, I know I don't trust him, so I really don't want that to be my only lifeline on a swap tribe.

okay so in the event we swap out of the brawn tribe tonight... which would be TRAGIC i wanted to do an in memoriam of apis 1.0! TJ - i was SO rude and wrong about him! he is genuinely so sweet and lovely, and super hard working. i think he would be a good one to swap with, it would build our bond and he is a challenge workhorse! i hope he isn't mad at me for my round one confessionals, just know tj that i was WRONG and that i was the clown! Lovelis - I get really good energy from him but we also... never talk so idk where I'm getting that from? I think he is definitely going to be a casualty of the swap, I see him definitely getting picked of? Which would be sad! idk we will see Liam M - He is really sweet, but we also talk super infrequently? I feel like he trusts me which is good?! But I think he is definitely gonna go premerge unfortunately just since he isnt super active? we will see ahh Jordan - I really like Jordan i think he is great! we are working together but something about his energy has seemed... off recently? and jake has noticed the same thing and idk what to do with that it just seems off? idk i feel like we potentially are gonna drift apart as allies which would be a shame! Dan - I really love Dan, he has such good energy which I really vibe with him? I think I kind of underestimated his potential as an ally which I really regret I like him a lot tbh.. I'd like to build that trust further for sure, he just gives off such good ally energy Jake - ahh yes have left my favourite for last. ugh i love jake his energy is the best and i trust him 100% unequivocally. he knows about my idol (may've kept it a secret for two rounds but i told him eventually which is what counts jasldfkas) i want him to succeed in this game so badly, im really hopeful for him to SNAP also quickly about the brain tribal, i just hope isaac/autumn/duncan are safe. those are my only preseason connections and would kinda love to see any/all of them in a swap situation tbh i think i want that devon slithers man gone he seems sneaky (is it just because slithers sounds like a snake yes)

It’s been way too quiet around here so I’ve accepted that Duncan/Autumn/Devon/Isaac are all voting me out tonight. Devon keeps talking to me about the swap and really emphasizing about it, so I get sketch vibes from that. Plus that Duncan/Autumn duo is very strong so it makes sense for them to want to vote me out. Plus apparently Isaac is writing my name down tonight so... it’s been fun! I enjoyed my 7 days that I spent here and can’t wait for the perjury trip with Trace and Bodhi 🥳🥳🥳

Lowkey kinda bummed we won this challenge. Which probably raises a few death flags but whatever. I would have liked to put our alliance to the test before a swap :/. It also would have been neat to have the fucking idiot who voted with Trace as a spare vote, now they are definitely going to get fucked. Luckily the challenge provided some new optunity for alliances. For starters we can make a natural extra alliance with AJ without drawing conclusions to a mysterious third faction. Even though Connor did jack shit... I'm not bitter just... disappointed. :/

PERIODTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, WE WON HOES! Like I am incredibly shook that we won because I was ready to jump off of a ledge hgfjkdl so yay for that! The Brains lost and I really do feel for them but Brawn winning makes our numbers equal and the Brawns are more threatening overall so that should mean that Brains would want to work with us in a swap scenario yknow? I’m just shook I’m on the winning tribe ghjfdks

Now that we won, I SHOULD be chilling right? Well, I hate myself so I’m not doing that one bit. I am deathly afraid of a swap next round because the makings of a swap are all there (a flop tribe that needs a swap to save them, us being at 18 people is perfect for 3 tribes of 3, etc). I’m scared I will get swap fucked in some capacity so I’m just aaaa. That being said, I do want to make sure I leave on amazing terms with everyone before we swap in case I am separated from anyone or I join some of these legends on a new tribe. 

honestly, our tribe has been pretty much on a high. our most recent challenge seemed like something tailored for us to lose, and while i was nervous for a second, we were able to best the brains tribe and send them to tribal for the THIRD time. (i really thought they'd have that one in the bag!) i feel sorry for those nerds, they just can't catch a break :( but seriously, the challenge itself really opened doors of opportunity for me in the game i feel. me/kendall/amir/augusto were on call from 11AM est to the time challenge results went up.. and it was an experience. we all got along pretty well and put our braincells together to get through that challenge, but their company was what made it worthwhile! connor was also participating in the challenge, but he didn't really do anything. although i know he's been pretty busy lately so i'm not too bent about it and completely understand, just wish he said a little more in the chat other than the two messages he did! i think what i'm preparing for right now is the swap. i really wanna cement solid relationships and allegiances with the people on my tribe as we anticipate going into bigger tribes as of next round or the round after. i wouldn't mind just staying on this tribe, though. our dynamic is great, the people are great, and we're even better in competition. there's really not much of a loss there if you ask me! 

So in the past 24 hours I've worked my ass off to try to get Autumn and Devon to vote with me against Scott and/or Duncan and I'm not getting my hopes up. Like everything they've given me has been so vague and I've tried to go the extra mile to try to get Autumn and Devon to trust me. I think I'm going home tonight and if I do that's tragic but not exactly a #blindside. It might be my curtain call but I hope I at least made them doubt each other. 

Also #FuckThoth, Jess rigged me out

Me waiting for tribal to happen: https://66.media.tumblr.com/c327b3a59ef66f9835241d079c1fbe39/tumblr_n20f10EtZH1rkuhmio2_400.gif

Me if I make it out alive tonight: https://media1.tenor.com/images/664df9da1de6fb8913ff67b2ca8234e0/tenor.gif?itemid=16269462

 Me if I get voted out tonight: https://media.giphy.com/media/aUW1R5qccvQ3K/giphy.gif

I HATE IT HERE I WANNA GO HOME!!! I feel like the underpaid babysitter that the parents forgot about cause these boys are triiippppinng. I’m selling the vote so well to Isaac I actually wanted to vote Scott with him and I was going to but my damn alliance has him secondguessing and now everyone is all misty eyed about being split while Isaac is panicking so the solution is a CALL. Even though we call EVERYDAY so there ain’t shit to talk about??? Isaac has been blowing my pm’s up all day so no sir, no farewell calls. My emotional energy has been spent for the day lying for 6 hours straight thank you very much. Scuncan and Devon need to cut the melodrama out cause we have a whole game left?? So we will see each other again??? And if we don’t, we don’t. Also we could not get swapped tonight??? So simmer down. The Lord NEEDS to take me cause I can’t do it. Everyone needs their hand held and their feelings coddled and I’m tired. Less  kumbayah, more playing Survivor 

So we won again! I felt terrible in our challenge chat because I really couldn't get my head around the patterns and shit everyone else was doing, honestly hope they don't see general weakness in me because of it.. I'm good at like, everything else, but I dunno, this season's just not been looking favourably on me yet. After the flag incident and then that challenge, I feel like I probably am in the most danger, and I still don't know what to do about it except spam everyone all the time in hopes they feel some social tie to me... I hate it here I rly do. Hopefully we'll start to get more comps I can excel in because so far it's been flop after flop and I rly hate to see it.

Not AJ telling me that I am the person he is closest to on this tribe… I’m crying ugh, I feel so bad for wanting him to leave first like I didn’t get to know him well until recently but I really do like him… why was I blessed with these iconic people on my tribe? Game aside, I do like them all and want them to slay in life <3

I'm so screwed if I don't win this immunity challenge. I know I'm a weak link, so if I don't win this, hopefully *dan* doesn't either cause I might have to target him to save my skin. This is where I'm really gonna have to be social over the next day, cause my ass is quite literally on the line right now. I'm not getting 18th-16th, screw this.

Okay I’m gonna say it, I love my alliance so much.I will not play with my heart and I’ll kill them if I have to but I really really really don’t want to, I obvi love my alliance with Augusto, Kendall, and Connor so much, but i will not play with my heart and ill backstab them if i have to but i really really dont want to. I would also like if adam austin and aj were safe. I really really like adam a lot. he is a fking sweetheart, and hes so funny. Austin is also great and super genuine and kind. i feel bad for calling him boring earlier, and aj is just funny and cool in general. the best case is we never have to go to tribal and i get to keep my inbred nocturnal intoxicated-at-all-times tribe members here. I am gonna need as many of these people in the game as possible for the swap and for the merge, and if we end up do having to go to tribal, I will do everything in my power to keep the tribe from getting divided, because we're gonna need each other to take down the brawn tribe.

I want to be tight with every single one of the beauties because a swap is likely coming and I need them, and the biggest issue rn I see moving foreward is if brawn and brain align, so we must snatch the brains first. every one keeps talking about being stumped about the tomb and I just keep lying DKNDKDNDD but I am lowkey scared they know I’m lying 

[survivorunfinishedbusiness]

Episode #2 - “Once I’m Not A Moron, It’s All Over For You Hoes” - Mo

https://survivorunfinishedbusiness.tumblr.com/post/175414062308/immunity-challenge-2

I'm shook that I survived, but I'm even more shook that I didn't even get any votes. Wig slightly blown away. So anyways time to not pretend my computer is dead and to actually do work in this challenge. Andrew wants to create a solid 4 in the likely case that we go to tribal. I think that's important too. Ideally I would want Anna Andrew and Jake. And i think Nicole would go cause she's not that social but that's all just conjecture.

So the twist was a little unsurprising, I called it the night before when I was talking with Amanda. Dani wants to align with me and Nicholas. (She originally wanted Bodhi but I excluded Bodhi because I thought that'd be my alliance's first target and I felt I could avoid bloodshed.) HOWEVER, after discussing it, the Night Owls decided that Nicholas would be the first target if we go to tribal, which with this twist is pretty likely. However unless I do some suave talking, planning, and convincing, I'm likely to hurt someone in a potential tribal. I'm stuck between a rock and a knife and my only salvation is immunity. Lord have mercy on my soul. T.T

So far, I like Amanda and Dani, unfortunately they aren't currently aligned but they aren't opposed to eachother either. Meanwhile I'm happy that either Bodhi or Nicholas are likely to go IF we go to tribal, Nicholas is a threat if he meets up with his allies from earlier seasons, and Bodhi, well he seems like he has a bit of a hot-streak. Timmy and Colin, I'm aligned with both of them, but I feel relatively indiffierent when it comes to them. I also realized now that the revealing idol locations thing is such a waste. (Basically after this challenge is over, the entirety of the Reef and the Summit will have been searched.)

[6/29/2018 2:44:35 AM] Amanda Lynn (Athena Admin): Yeah same, I've talked to both of them a little bit and they both seem alright. [6/29/2018 2:45:07 AM] Kori Green: I definitely adore Colin and Timmy though, and I definitely feel like the foursome we have can be REALLY solid. [6/29/2018 2:45:36 AM] Amanda Lynn (Athena Admin): Oh definitely. I'm really pleased with how that group came together [6/29/2018 2:46:41 AM] Kori Green: Yeah, hopefully we can stick together deep into the game, obviously swaps will happen and that might jumble things a bit. (As they do. -.-) But hopefully we all go far. [6/29/2018 2:47:15 AM] Amanda Lynn (Athena Admin): Hopefully the survivor powers that be will keep us all together! [6/29/2018 2:47:29 AM] Kori Green: I just keep thinking, 21 people wow, this is gonna be an incredibly long game if we DO in fact go deep. xd [6/29/2018 2:47:57 AM] Amanda Lynn (Athena Admin): Oof yeah I see a 60 day game, easily [6/29/2018 2:48:08 AM] Kori Green: The only other twist I worry about breathing into existence is a Double-Tribal scenario where one tribe wins and the other two tribes vote a player out each. (A series of logs that showcase my working with Amanda... and my extraordinary psychic abilities.)

MY ASS JUST FOUND THE IDOL BITCHES! U ALL BETTER WATCH TF OUT! IM HERE TO WIN <3

Amanda made a really good point when I was on call with her; She said that the immunity challenge post only said that two people will be leaving, not that there will be two separate tribal councils. So it could be one tribal where the top two vote getters leave which is extremely scary. Now we're going to be fighting a lot harder in the challenge but if we do lose I would much rather lose with Talio than with Vindicta just because of who is on that tribe. It would be so easy to take out Nicholas if it is two separate tribal councils since we have the numbers and he has people who he would never vote out on other tribes, but if we go to tribal with Vindicta, Julia is there so he will vote with her. I don't want a situation to arise where I feel like I need to go against my alliance because it is so early and I trust them. But if something does happen I would want Amanda to know because I don't want to go against her. She is who I trust the most right now and I want to go far in this game with her. As for this challenge, she made a study guide for it and I am really grateful for all the effort she has done with this challenge because it gives us a great chance to win. I'm probably going to have a paper in front of me that is just all of that information copied so I don't have to worry about switching tabs to that and risk it not loading fast enough.

Well I'm sitting out, which basically means if we lose the challenge it can't even remotely be my fault. I'm still working out a plan if we do lose, if I can find a way to keep Dani still aligned to me after a potential tribal council we'll be golden.

Okay so I'm playing really crackedt but I think I'm genuinely playing out a good strategy rn?? my plan is to, like, take the current alliance I have and RUN with it. I want a clear tribe divide, us vs them mentality, flat out DISCOURSE. Amanda is v v honestly my closest ally and I think her and I are kinda on the same wavelength. We want to keep Dani, Nicholas and Bodhi completely in the dark if we do go to tribal. We have a plan that should work, so they won't even know there's a tribe divide until after the votes are ready. The only thing standing in the way of this right now is Kori. I love him sm and I trust him entirely, but he seems like he might have ties to Dani. I gotta find a way to cut that so it doesn't become a future problem. But I think for the most part this is gonna work really well for me hehe. and I def look forward to playing a super crackedt game this season!

https://survivorunfinishedbusiness.tumblr.com/post/175456874288/immunity-results-2

Talio wins immunity, sending Vindicta & Audax to tribal.

McFUCK WE LOST. Ryan was the only one who scored points because I had shitty internet and a lack of confidence. Just wait, once I’m not a moron it’s all over for you hoes.

Im gonna be honest I’m not in the mood nor do I wanna put effort into being all quiet and secretive in pm’s. So I just decided to throw Ryan M. into the spotlight because the guy hasn’t done anything. I mean I feel like it’s the obvious choice to vote him out because he’s been so inactive. So I just said who I was voting for in main chat. This could backfire on me but Im trying to be assertive and bold.

SADNESS!!!!!!!!!! I AM SAD! :(

ok so we lost and its totally because my internet wasnt working...i would have killed this if my internet wasnt such shit...but now we are going to tribal...and i really want mo out....but its gonna be impossible to convince these people to do that instead of voting ryan m...so im hoping we can just find the idol so he can save himself that way....john and mo need to go they have too many allies on the other tribes

HELLO ATTENTION WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!! I have gone to every single tribal in my Athena history and this tribal guess who's NOT GONNA BE ATTENDING? ? ? ? ? THIS FUCKING CHICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy i deserve this. anyone who watched Hogsmeade KNOWS how much i deserve this. im just ELATED RIGHT NOW I LOVE TALIO SO MUCH I HAVE THE BEST TRIBE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we lost :( sad but its ok because we've already discussed this possibility and we have a plan so ? wig? less first tribal stress for me! 

GUESS WHAT THE FUCK I FOUND BITCHES! Day 2 I found the legacy advantage, and day 4 I found the fucking IDOL. I'm ready to use these to the best of my abilities. If I have any fucking feeling that I'm going home I'm pulling that idol right outta my cooch and using it! Dana gave some good fucking advice.

Welp, I'm now in the complex situation of 2 alliances, (Amanda, Colin, and Timmy) as well as (Dani, Bodhi, and Nicholas). While I definitely feel more comfortable with Amanda Colin and Timmy, I worry if they are more competent than me, I might be feeding a goat game. Meanwhile I can't feel myself trusting Bodhi or Nicholas, but Dani I feel a real connection to. If I vote with the Night Owls, Nicholas is going home, meanwhile if I vote with the "Audux Majority" it's likely Amanda who goes home. This vote could have a very big impact, both on my game and the direction of everything as a whole. Regardless of who I vote, there is bound to be hurt feelings, and I can't throw my vote as that'd just lead to a tie, and then I'd have to choose AND I'd lose trust from all sides as I'd look wishy-washy.

I might be going home tomorrow but I feel god in this chili’s tonight.

Kori is so dumb. He's now trying to play both sides of the game. And he's doing it TERRIBLY. He's throwing me under the bus and trying to spread information that doesn't need to be spread. if he fucks up the plan to get Nicholas out tonight I'm gonna be so angry. Like this is way messier than it needs to be, solely because of Kori. We're just supposed to blindside Nicholas and use Bodhi as a decoy to flush idols, but he's trying to do damage control and add all these layers that don't need to be added. Idk where his loyalties lie. He had a strong majority alliance but now none of us in it trust him. He done played himself!!

This vote is a hot mess, it's either Timmy or Nicholas at the surface, but we'll see what happens, an idol play or something else crazy could easily derail everything. Whatever does happen there is gonna be a lot of broke pieces to pick up post-tribal and I hope I can keep myself afloat.

Honestly, what the fuck is happening. It is week 2 and I don't need this stress, like we have a solid group voting for Nicholas there shouldn't be this much drama dealing with 3 other people. Right now though Nicholas should be feeling very safe because his name hasn't been thrown out there because the plan was to say Bodhi and then somehow my alliance decided, WITHOUT TELLING ME, that it would be a good idea to get my name out there too. Like wtf is that. I don't mind too much because we have the numbers, but let me know if you're going to do that before you do it. As long as Nicholas goes this round that is all that matters.

i got some piping hot tea ladies..... i think isaac is trying to start things bc idk how much i can trust him but apparently he told blake that ryan m doesnt like me or blake... which sounds really sus but i dont like ryan m anyway so he's gotta go!!! i dont think im getting votes this round .. maybe from ryan m .. but definitely not majority because i have my alliance and i think john and mo like me a lot... and OH YA! we have the idol so we dont need to worry about anyone idoling.. hopefully i survive this vote!!

So so so so SO happy my tribe won this immunity! I did not want to go to tribal again, and now I’m guaranteed at least final 18. I also went to Andrew before this and said that we should make a solid group, pushing for him to do it because I did not want to get the blood on my hands in case something went wrong (sarry babe) I knew he liked Kevin so I suggested him as a core 3, and as a 4th he suggested Anna which I’m fine with. SO with that, Wigs was birthed. I also have a 2 person alliance with just... Nathan lmao. So that leaves Nicole out of it but I’m pretty sure Nathan is closer to her or something. But I don’t think any of it matters because I have a hunch that we’re gonna swap tribes next round ugh. I’m nervous but hoping that I stick with my WIG allies and maybe meet up with people like Timmy and Bodhi who I think will have my back :) And if anything, I still have Luke’s idol tucked hidden in my crotch x

The vote this round kept fliping because this game is full of crackheads. Also apparently Amanda Lynn is homophobic? Shook.

So some updates! Julia is wonderful - we send each other pics of monkeys and alpacas. Blake is still pretty cool as well. We lost the challenge and it turns out ryan Matthew still hasn't talked to anybody. I hate it because I don't want to write his name down, I enjoy working with him in games but this doesn't seem like the best time for him. And looking down the line it could be good to not have somebody in the game I'm going to be paired with. Ry gave me permission to vote for him. Hopefully by voting out my final 2 it will give me a better chance at making the final 2.

https://survivorunfinishedbusiness.tumblr.com/post/175487781483/tribal-council-2-audax

Nicholas is voted out 4-3. You can watch his preseason interview here.

WTF IM MAKING A VIDEO DR LATER TONIGHT INHAVE SOO MUCH TO SAY! Omg NICHOLAS OVER STAND FOR THE FLAG AND KNEEL FOR THE CROSS ALLIANCE?!? I’m shook!

So I've been busy yeah. Coming into this game I was hoping for more challenges that require individual strength rather than team collaboration. Mo tried to call me out, which isn't a good look. He won't get far, trust me. I know I'm leaving. RTP and John wanted me to stay and we tried something by getting a fourth but it's not going to work out. I told them to vote me out. It's okay. I find the people here ingenuine. They play how I used to. I won a bunch of games by messaging people every day like Blake and Julia but didn't always leave with new friends. I just don't know how to be fake anymore. I only like talking to people if I want to. My final thoughts are that Blake and Mo can choke. Julia eh. Isaac is okay. and RTP and John are so cute.

https://survivorunfinishedbusiness.tumblr.com/post/175488601538/tribal-council-3-vindicta

Ryan M. is voted out 6-1. You can watch his preseason interview here.