#i have mutuals with separate accounts just for when they hit the limit

[felixisfruity]

does anyone know if there‘s a tag limit

[mx-mind]

For a while I didn't know mx-mind and skyllion-uwu were the same person, so even though I know now, I still see skyllion-uwu and mx-mind as different entities.

JSHDHSH Yeah I kept hitting the post limit on skyllion-uwu, and I already had another account that I was using to torment Andreas with weed smoking Ralsei (though I'm planning on nuking it so that when I follow my mutuals it's clear that it's me and not a Ralsei RPer) so I just made a sideblog :P It kinda does feel like I'm two separate people tbh because a. I have a LOT less followers here (like 200 people difference), b. even some of those people don't follow skyllion-uwu, and c. Some of the people on my dash are because "Ralsei" was following people back before I abandoned the blog so it feels like a weird Twilight Zone version of my regular dash

[mrpenguinpants]

Exuse me but do you have any info on how to start a blog for writing? I just made an account but I really do enjoy writing for others (commission money would also be nice) but I have no idea how to get others to read what I put out? How do I even set up a functional blog?

Hey anon!

Honestly, I am the last person you should ask because my own blog is a total mess but I'll do my best haha. But I do want to say that I'm so happy that you've decided to start writing! I'm sorry that this is super delayed and if you already made one I would love to be mutuals with you!

---

TLDR:

Functioning blog

Make sure you verify your email and that your posts appear in tags before you start writing.

Make a masterlist and a pinned post with all your request rules. Future self will thank you.

If you write or read smut. Please put your age or if you're 18+ in your bio.

Credit the artists you use if you plan to make banners.

Writing blog

Limit the requests you take.

Tag correctly.

Put a read more if you feel your posts are long.

Personally, I use kofi for commissions but it's up to you.

Formatting is important.

Please, if you feel there is a glitch with your blog (you don't appear in tags anywhere, no one can see your blog, etc). CONTACT SUPPORT

You can make side blogs for all your reblogs/likes if you don't like clutter

New Account Issues

So you probably already noticed or know this info already but just in case, if your blog is new, your post won't appear in tags. This is because tumblr needs to verify you aren't a bot. Make sure you verify your email before anything and do some human activity (likes, reblogs, posts). When I made my second account, it took a day before I started appearing.

First Priorities - Functioning blog

1. Please. Make a masterlist and a pinned post describing all your rules for requesting. Especially the masterlist. Your future self will thank you.

2. My pinned post is long and gross so don't use it as a template but sectioning off your content (masterlist, taglist, etc) into separate posts that you can link onto your pinned post. But keep your request rules and whether your requests are open on your pinned post.

3. I'm not calling anyone out here since I don't mind it, but sometimes people won't read your pinned post or double-check if your requests are open. If you want to, in your bio, write if requests are open or not.

4. If you write or read smut, please put your age or if you're 18+ in your bio or pinned post. A lot of smut blogs will block you if you're a minor or if they think you're a minor.

5. If you plan to use banners (character portraits) in your writing. Please credit the artist. I use official genshin art because I'm lazy but please link to the artist's account/pixiv ID/or at least mention their name if you can't find either.

What now? - Starting a writing blog

1. Please. Limit the requests you take at a time. Whether you really enjoy writing or you can write really fast, please put a limit on it. You will hit burnout or get overwhelmed fast.

2. Tag correctly. This mostly applies to smut content but keep it in the smut category. Don't put it in the fluff tag or at least put a read more.

3. If your posts are long please put a "read more" tag. It helps for mobile users since scrolling can be a pain. There's no real word check but if you feel it's long, it's probably long.

4. Since you're interested in commissions, the easiest way is to set up a kofi and all your commission rules there. I usually do $1 = 100 words but stylize it to whatever your preferences are.

5. Formatting is kind of a big one that I don't see a lot of people talk about. The usual template is:

Title

Anon ask

Authors note - if you want to

Masterlist

Taglist - this can also be put at the bottom of your fic

Banner

Writing

6. I've been seeing this a lot lately, but with your tag list. Sometimes you won't be able to tag people. This is usually because either 1. their blog is new or 2. tumblr machine broke. Ask them to contact support to see if their account can be mentioned. If that doesn't work, contact support yourself.

7. This is a big one because I went through it and I don't want you to experience it. At some point, if your posts don't appear in tags for whatever reason. And I'm saying at all, nothing works. You just don't appear the second you post. CONTACT SUPPORT. For me, it was a glitch on tumblr and they got my blog back but I still lost months. I'm still pissed about it.

8. I made a side account for reblogs and replying to others because I hate cluttering my main with them. You don't have to do this but it's a way for me to try and keep everything clean.

Social Interaction - Gettings others to read your work

1. There's no good or real way to get people to read what you put out, they are only going to read it if they want to and that's fine. I know that's obvious but it's something to know.

2. You can make separate accounts on other writing platforms, I know a lot of AOE and Twitter have links to their tumblr.

3. Tumblr has an algorithm so your posts will appear in the tags you add to your posts. Your post might sometimes disappear from tags after a while but don't worry. That's because tumblr has to filter a lot of users. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean another can't either.

4. Don't be afraid to make mutuals with other writing blogs. Heck, I'll be your mutual right now. At the end of the day, we're all people.

5. Write what you want to write, when you want to write it. Don't make it feel like a chore for yourself, that you need to write every day to beat that algorithm.

6. Don't be discouraged if it seems that you aren't getting attention, and that's totally fine by the way to feel like that.

7. Personally, I think brainrot is the best way to get some type of interaction. Just spit some ideas out but leave the option for others to add to it. That's how I've met most of my mutuals/anons.

8. I'm actually kind of surprised that not many tumblr's do this but I always reply to reblog comments or stuff written in the tags. You can filter your activity settings so it's easier to see everyone's replies and just talk. You'd be surprised by how many people get back to you.

---

Just keep writing and doing what you like. I'm still learning tumblr myself so if anyone has anything to add, please feel free to. Goodluck anon! I hope to be able to call you by a name later.

[rpbetter]

Reblog Etiquette (and ships)

At this point, we all know about “reblog karma” and “reblogging from source.” Though, I say that...and am questioning it. You should fucking know this by now, but in the event you don’t, let me define that shit for you.

Reblog Karma: the RPC’s oldest attempt at keeping people from clogging notifications and using others as meme resources. Essentially, don’t reblog a meme from a mutual unless you are sending them something from that meme first. Not all blogs practice it, or practice it the same way, please see their rules.

Reblogging from Source: another effort to stop being used as a meme/aesthetics resource. Many RPers would like you to reblog quotes, aesthetics, and memes from their source (original post location or the meme/aesthetics/quotes resource blog they got it from), even if you are sending them a meme. This is especially applicable when not interacting with the RPer.

Okay, that’s out of the way.

There is more to Reblog Etiquette than this!

And, when that etiquette is nonexistent, it almost always deals with a RPer’s ship. Mentioning ship partners and/or tagging ships on a reblog from another RPer, not removing that RPer’s mentions or tags, and even dropping a mention or outright RPing in the comments of another RPer’s reblog.

Don’t reblog from another mun and tag your ship or mention (@) your ship partner(s).

Don’t reblog a post with someone else’s mention still stuck to it.

Don’t reblog a post and leave the previous mun’s tags still in the tags.

Don’t go into the comments on someone’s post and mention your ship partner(s).

Don’t roleplay in the comments of someone else’s post.

None of this is alright, I have no idea what would make anyone think this is appropriate reblog etiquette, but it very much is not. It’s incredibly rude and lazy. Because I know that many people have similar ship aesthetics and so on, I’m not saying you shouldn’t reblog something for your own ships that a mutual has for theirs. (That’s a whole other in depth conversation we’ll have later.)

I’m saying that this is how you should be going about it:

Reblog from the source.

-What if there is no source because it’s deactivated, or there is another reason why I can’t access it? 

Go into the post’s notes. At some point, damn near every post that could be used as an aesthetic, quote, or prompt for a ship (and RP in general) has been reblogged by at least one source blog. Look for RP meme, aesthetic, help, and other resource blog urls. If you cannot find one of those, look for urls that are general resource-style blogs. Personal blogs reblog aesthetics etc. as well, and there are many such resource blogs out there. -If you’re uncomfortable reblogging from a personal, that’s tough shit; I hate to break it to you, but most of your resources came from personal blogs. Deal with it, or don’t reblog anything you can’t find filtered through a RP specific resource.

-- “But this takes time/effort lol I just want to use it for my ship.” Again, tough shit. Sometimes, it does take energy not to be rude and do the right the thing. In all honesty, it’s fairly rare that doing the right thing is effortless, even when it’s something as simple as RP. Grow up.

--- You went through the notes, but there’s no appropriate blog to reblog from, now what?

Just because it’s a rare occurrence doesn’t mean it’s impossible. I know this one isn’t, I’ve had it happen too! My choice was to not reblog it at all, I just sent the link to my ship partner privately instead. If you don’t have that kind of friendship, you really wanted it on the dash, or another reason, you are now left with one option, and you’re not going to like it. Message the mutual you want to reblog from. Politely, explain that you’d like to reblog the post for your ship, and ask if they’re comfortable with it. No guilting, begging, or general, weird ass rudeness. If they decline, accept it just as politely, thank them for their response. If they accept, thank them, and especially if this isn’t a mutual you interact with much, be sure you’re showing them continued support on the dash by reading and liking/commenting on their headcanon posts and other appropriate material. (You should be anyway.)

Remove any mentions present (@’s)

Seriously, this is incredibly rude! Yet, with the typical lack of self-reflection and awareness of others in the RPC here, I see it multiple times a day on my dash. Not just with RP-blog-to-RP-blog interaction either, I also see RPers reblogging from personals and leaving their mentions attached. (I see it the other way around too, but I’m not here to school personal blogs.) For all the excessive emphasis RPers put on appearance, you’d think they’d want to get rid of something that looks this sloppy, but no. Not if it takes one extra second of effort!

-I know that xkit’s editable reblogs tends to break whenever tumblr gives us a new, exciting, hideous, insulting, limitation, I mean update, but come the fuck on. It is also one of the quickest things to regain functionality, so, maybe you should save the reblog to drafts, be following xkit’s blog for updates, and edit it once there has been a patch. If it’s worth it to you, it’s worth a short wait. When it’s working, you can easily remove that mention with editable reblogs.

--If you’re going to use being mobile as an excuse, or if you don’t want to wait on it/don’t use xkit, again, go to the source. And, also again, if that isn’t an option, you can find where it has been reblogged by an appropriate blog at some point in its history, sans mentions. Reblog from there.

Do not reblog someone else’s tags (#)

Some people have their xkit set up to reblog automatically with the previous poster’s tags. While that can be useful in some situations, I can think of, very literally, no situation this is appropriate for an RPer to use. If you have this set up on your personal/resource blog/wtfe and your RP blog is a sideblog (or you are using certain methods of having your browser open to two separate blog accounts where your xkit settings are transferring over), it’s up to you to delete the tags on these posts.

-It takes maybe one full second to click in the tag field and hit your delete button a few times to clear it. Do that. It’s never, ever, appropriate to keep someone’s ship, muse, verse, or other personalized tags attached to a reblog.

--If you are a personal blog reading this somehow, maybe you’re wanting to get into RP, please take note of this. This is one of the many reasons why most RPers will not interact with personals. We don’t like you reblogging an aesthetic post and keeping our tags on it.

In the case of both situations, not only is it rude and lazy, it’s fucking with someone else’s tags and privacy. Most RPers don’t want their content showing up in generally searchable tags, it’s one of the reasons that personalizing tags came about. Furthermore, if I’m on my dash and click a mutual’s custom tag for aesthetics, verses, ships, and so on, it’s now going to come up with instances of those tags on someone else’s blog as well.

Delete the fucking tags if they auto-populate. Don’t use someone else’s custom tags of your own volition either.

“Subverting” reblogs to mention in comments is a hard no, too

-So, you don’t want to reblog the post, but do want to @ your ship partner(s) in it? There’s no way to do that without being rude and strange. To be honest, this is even worse than just reblogging and tagging your ship.

I may not be the OP, but you came onto a post on my blog, one very likely tagged for my ships and/or having my ship partners mentioned on it, and commented on it mentioning your ship partner. It’s every bit as offensive and more so than someone reblogging from me and using it for a ship I’m not a part of. I don’t know what’s worse, when that other mun is a ship partner, casual mutual who doesn’t interact, or a writing partner but not ship partner. It’s all deeply fucked up. No one’s RP blog is here for your use like this!

--You’re also not subverting anything. I think the idea is to be polite or go unnoticed. People seem to lack a basic grasp on how tumblr works; you get notifications on reblogged posts you are not the OP of when someone comments on them just like you get a notif when someone likes it. The only way to genuinely be secretive about this would be to comment on it from the source or a resource blog. They will get the notification.

If you are commenting on, liking, or reblogging a post you see on the dash, the person having reblogged it, putting it there for you to encounter, will be notified of your interaction with it.

---What I’m saying, just in case it isn’t abundantly clear, for the third time now: you’re not being slick. Your mutuals will see that you weirdly @’ed someone in a comment on their reblog. They know.

----The appropriate behavior is to do just as advised in the above points: GO TO THE SOURCE. If no source exists, find an appropriate resource blog in the notes. You may then, and only then, give that mention in a comment.

Frankly, it’s still weird, and I would recommend you just reblog it from the source to interact with it. There is always the option of sending it to the intended party by way of tumblr’s messenger or linking the post in an off tumblr messenger like discord.

I say this because it hasn’t escaped my attention that the only time I have this issue on my own RP blog is when the imagery or text is fucking filthy. As in, Other Mun didn’t want something that sexual, kinky, violent, and so on to be posted to their own blog. You need to grow up if that’s your deal. Like writing smut or violence, if you need to do it in private only, you’re obviously not adult enough to handle the topic.

Keep your roleplay where it belongs; in your inbox and threads

-It’s not appropriate to start up RP in the comments of another RPer’s reblogged ship aesthetic. (Or anything else, this just happens to be the most common.) It’s incredibly odd and offensive to look in your notifications and see that a mutual and their ship partner are flirting, or outright fucking, in the comments of a post you reblogged for your ship.

It’s just as awkward feeling and offensive when someone reblogs the post and begins full-blown RP on it. It’s one thing when it’s a post originating from an RP resource blog, or when it’s kept to something like a mention and a short line that your writing partner can start their original post in inspiration of. But...

--You know how I said above that auto-copying tags thing is one of the reasons why RPers are iffy about personal blogs? Well, this is one of the reasons why personal blogs think RPers are exceedingly weird members of fandom that need to be excluded and devalued. It’s odd, especially if you’ve never encountered RP, to see someone reblogging your quote, moodboard, or other original post and RPing on it.

Listen, we all need to RP some crack and commentary sometimes, but it’s best left in the tags or put into a new post.

---Instead of RPing (not sorry, especially if it is smut) on that post, link the image to show in a new post, and go from there.

Please remember to be polite about artists, including photographers and gifers, when you do this! Tumblr automatically gives the source of imagery when you use a link to display the picture, that’s why I recommended doing that instead of saving, then re-uploading the image as though it is your own. If you’re going to do that, even if it’s just silliness going on, give mention of the artist, photographer’s blog/site, or gifer’s blog in the tag or below the image.

Tumblr is deeply unfriendly to artists of all sorts, don’t be fuel that. When you upload artwork for the sake of RP, again, even if it’s just crack, that’s literally violating what artists ask people not to do; you’re reposting their art without permission and credit.

[itsthejuggernautbitch]

cut + burn, chapter 1

Pairing: Colossus/reader -  Playlist

Summary: Wade decides that sixteen years of mutual pining is long enough. He's appointed himself your new wingman, and he's the best in town (or so he likes to think). Or, how the compound effort of Wade Wilson and total romantic frustration gave way to getting exactly what you've been waiting for.

Chapter 1: Suzanne

Part 2

Author’s Note: This is part one of a 5-part series. I’d like to tell you that this is something other than the introduction to a ton of smut, but that’s exactly what this is. Chapter title is Suzanne by Leonard Cohen.

Taglist: @marvel-is-perfection  @emma-frxst  @this-that-and-every-thing-else  @ptite-shit  @lesbianyondu  @chromecutie  @ra-ra-rasputiin  @hazilyimagine  @lenavonschweetz  @nu-tt  @rovvboat  @i-write-fanfic-not-essays

-----   -----   -----

You stepped off of the X-Jet onto the manicured green lawn of the X-Mansion and breathed deeply, struck by sweet relief and a feeling of inner peace that only comes from stretching your legs after being squeezed into a cubicle for eighteen hours. The mansion was just far enough away from the city that the fumes and funk from the crowded streets didn’t quite reach the immaculate stonework. Even better, there was no smoke, no fumes, no filtered air from the X-Jet vents - just clean, cold October air that smelled faintly of cut grass and sunshine. For that, you were exceptionally grateful.

Mostly because you were tired of smelling everyone else’s stank on the cramped X-Jet, but, you know, small favors.

As you stepped off of the ramp and onto the impeccable grass, it finally hit you that today was your Retirement Day, all caps, fanfare trumpeting in the background. Sixteen years of jetting around the globe and cleaning up everyone else's shit had led to this final, glorious day. In your line of work, sixteen years without a full-on mental breakdown was a major win.

As reigning HBIC of Professor Xavier's cleanup crew, you’d seen a lot of messes over the years that would have left anyone feeling hollow inside - kind of like your guts had been scooped out and dumped on the ground. The scenes were always ugly. You were the one running off to go coordinate transports of rogue mutants to holding facilities or clean up the bodies left behind from a particularly ugly villainous rampage. Those were your everyday, small-scale chores. The large-scale mass tragedies were the catalyst that really forced your retirement.

Your duties weren’t limited to your obligations to the X-Men - you cleaned up behind everyone. You’d dealt with the fallout from everything the Avengers had ever touched: you'd disposed of the alien corpses after the battle in New York, scoured Sokovia for salvageable lives, cleaned up after Thanos. You'd cleaned up behind all of Dr. Doom’s rampages and Magneto’s tantrums. Everywhere you'd been sent was overrun by the kind of wreckage that left an everlasting mark on your brain. And these mass impacts had only been occurring more and more often lately.

The aftermath of your Last Hurrah as a trademarked Active Duty Hero was bittersweet. There would be a fun party that night with everyone who wasn’t on some covert mission in attendance. Your team had come home with you, and your friends were waiting. They'd make you a cake and pour you a beer and maybe, just maybe, coerce you out into the city for a night of fun. There would be streamers with “Happy Retirement!” written on them, obviously meant for someone much older than yourself. Everyone would congratulate you for sixteen years of impeccable conduct and efficacy.

And tomorrow you would wave your team off on their next task - a task they would complete without you. You’d already chosen your replacement, a new graduate with the power to microwave the air around whatever she targeted. The girl had only been part of your team for a year, but she had great leadership skills and showed real promise. You had confidence in her for sure, but confidence in her abilities wasn't enough to help you sleep at night.

You'd come to find out that passing the torch was much harder than you’d been led to believe. While you had no reason to be unsure of your choice, you had a major problem with relinquishing control. Seriously, it had taken sixteen years for you to decide that enough was enough and you were tired of cleaning up every nasty scene imaginable. You weren't the kind of person who just let shit go.

Nevertheless, you'd finished your last active mission and made it home safely, no worse for wear and no more traumatized than before you left. You'd have to figure out how to handle it on your own time.

The welcoming committee stood off to the side of the small airfield. There were friends and mentors crowding the field, Professor X and the like. Some people you were only acquainted with, like Wade and his buddies. And while you enjoyed seeing each and every one of them, you were only looking for one person in particular - and he wasn’t difficult to find.

Colossus stood head and shoulders above the crowd, the tallest of the tall. He'd taken time away from his duties that day to welcome you home. Not that you expected any less - you’d been friends since you arrived at the mansion twenty years ago. He’d already “retired” from active duty himself, nearly six years earlier than you, if you remembered correctly. Said he liked teaching more than beating the shit out of people. Since he was going to be the one teaching you how to be a teacher, you were going to see firsthand if that was actually true.

Your team disembarked from the jet in a steady wave of mutants. They were the weirdest of the weird - graduates whose powers weren't optimal choices for task teams or active combat but were still “active” abilities. At its heart, your team was a squadron of people who could decimate wreckage or do something weird enough to make disposing of ickiness a little easier. You, as the leader of this squadron of weirdos, must have had the weirdest skill-set of all.

Your former team (that would take some getting used to) mingled in with the group on the airfield, hugging and high-fiving, yelling greetings and (playfully) rude comments. You stopped to greet Professor X, but that was where the fanfare for you ended. You systematically squeezed past everyone separating you from Colossus and, upon reaching him, grabbed him in a tight hug, much to his embarrassment. (He wasn’t great with public displays of affection - never had been.)

Behind them, Wade howled like a hyena.

You stepped away from Colossus, staring sheepishly at the ground, at the same time he stepped away from you. He stared at his feet, which meant that he was still pretty much staring down at you since he was a good foot and a half taller than you. You’d meant to embarrass him on purpose, not really taking into account that your face would probably turn red, too.

Colossus gave you a short once-over, almost too quickly to notice. You smoothed out the creases in your suit, feeling quite self-conscious. You hadn't thought about how you must look returning from a mission before you'd stepped off the jet - probably disheveled, a little ruffled, like you needed a good week of sleep and a hot shower. He, on the other hand, was impeccably clean in his uniform, gleaming chrome in the late morning sun and rippling with muscle. You could have drooled just looking at the line of his forearms, but he was simply too shiny to get a good look at.

He straightened up and stood up a little taller, trying to maintain a look of composure. “Welcome home!”

You tried to mirror his composure and found it to be too troublesome. You were tired and there were too many people crowding around. Wouldn't this be so much better if it were just Colossus welcoming you home instead of this unending crowd of people?

You knew it sounded forced, but you said it anyway. “I’m glad to be home for good this time!”

Colossus raised a glinting silver eyebrow. “Are you really?”

Sometimes he knew you a little too well. You couldn't truthfully tell him that you were ready to come home - just that it was time to come home. Really home - not living in a constant state of perpetually ready to leave at a moment’s notice, not waking up with the sounds of explosions or falling wreckage, not squished into a tiny box on the X-Jet or sleeping on a cot in a safehouse somewhere. You knew where your three square meals were coming from, where you would be sleeping at night when you had to wake up in the morning. You had weekends off now. Getting used to it was just going to take time.

Colossus sensed your apprehension but didn’t comment, though you could practically hear him thinking we'll talk about this later. You forced a grin. “It’s time to come home.”

“If you’re sure…” he replied, still incredulous. Yeah, he was going to make you talk about your feelings.

“I’m sure.”

He was obviously unsatisfied with your answer. “In any case, I’m glad you’re home."

Desperate to talk about anything else other than being home, you changed the subject. "Are we still meeting later?"

He'd mentioned in a mission brief that he wanted to meet to talk about your first day of teacher training. You suspected that it was more so a cover-up for his responsible adult questions about your mental health so that he could assess you before your retirement party. You appreciated that Colossus cared and made you talk about things, of course, but it didn’t change the fact that feelings were hard to talk about. Especially with him - it always seemed to be harder to show vulnerability with someone who truly cared.

He brightened. "Yes! After you settle in, of course."

"How about you come to get me after I take a nap?" you laughed. "You haven't given my room away, have you?"

"Your room is exactly as you left it," Colossus replied, just a little quieter than usual. He shifted and seemed just on the verge of saying something else, but instead, he said, "I'm sure you would rather get to bed than stay out here. Come!"

Colossus ushered you towards the mansion where everyone seemed to finally be meandering. You knew you couldn’t leave to go to your room just yet - still too many people to greet. You'd do absolutely anything to get in the shower and take a nap. Your shower sang a promise of warmth, and your bed called to you louder than any siren song, the promise of rest and safety like a hymn drifting down from your third-floor room. Maybe you could just fuck off and no one would notice...

As you stepped past the threshold of the mansion, you felt Colossus' hand on your shoulder. He leaned down close to your ear, and you fought back a shiver.

"Go. I will make an excuse for you," he said, nudging you gently towards the stairs.

You clapped your hands over your heart. "My hero."

You would swear on your life that he smiled his soft smile at that, but you'd already leapt onto the first stair and run out of sight.

Colossus was right - your room was exactly as you left it. Pillows arranged in a simple pattern at the head of the bed, navy blue comforter clean and unwrinkled. A desk was shoved into one corner, old and creaky but well-loved. An equally ancient dresser situated up against the wall, the dark wood cracking and hardware knobs oxidizing. You'd left a spare uniform on a chair next to the dresser and a stack of blankets neatly folded at the foot of your bed. Your bathroom door was wide-open, calling to you like a prayer.

You stripped down and turned on the water to let it heat up. You showered longer than you ever had, letting the scalding water beat down on your head and rinse shampoo suds out of your hair. When you were acceptably clean and shriveled up like a prune, you finally got out. The water had started to run cold anyway. You wrapped up in a towel, laid down on your bed, and before you knew it, you were out cold.

-----  -----  -----

You awoke an hour later to a knock at your door. Your hair was still wrapped up in a towel as you searched for a bathrobe (you could have sworn you left that on the chair instead of your uniform). You could pretty much guess who was at the door, so the desire to stay mostly undressed was pretty intense. Nevertheless, you covered up so that you could at least appear to be a presentable excuse for a human being.

You opened the door to find - who else - Colossus. He made a pointed effort not to stare down at you in your robe and wet hair. Not that you minded if he did. You'd have answered the door naked if you weren't afraid he'd run away.

"Sorry - just woke up."

He shifted, looking a mite uncomfortable. “I will be down in the kitchen whenever you are ready.”

You nodded, inching the door closed. “I’ll get dressed and be right down.”

Colossus started making his way down the hall. He called back over his shoulder, “I will make tea.”

“Coffee for me, please!” you called after his retreating back. You peeked out after him and watched him walk away. Man, his ass looked great in those pants.

“It will be decaf!”

“I want real coffee, Piotr!”

He might have replied to you, but you'd closed the door already. You grabbed the closest clean pair of pants and shirt that you could find. The clothes you grabbed may have been workout clothes, but after weeks and weeks of wearing your uniform, anything else was better than your uniform. And you’d make an attempt to look nice for the party tonight since everyone would be there - one person in particular, of course.

Speaking of that particular person, you scurried out of your room to join him down in the kitchen, locking your door behind you.

As you walked through the halls, you passed by the residents of the mansion milling around the dorm halls. Some you knew, but most were foreign to you. Your friends were either off on missions or had left the mansion a long time ago. Some were dead, memorialized on the walls. The few who had chosen to stay at the mansion were teachers now or stationed at a base far, far away.

The kitchen was on the first floor, just off to the side of the main hall. It had been remodeled, you remarked offhandedly as you sat down at the table. Colossus hunched over the new stove, fussing over the teakettle and a pair of mugs. The coffee pot next to him hummed and dripped black gold into the pot. Next to the coffee pot, the bag of coffee (not decaf!) was still open.

Colossus grabbed the mugs and sat down in front of you; his chair squeaked in despair but held steady. He passed your mug off to you. “I found some regular coffee you left last time you were home.”

“And here I remember you scolding me for drinking coffee so late in the afternoon,” you teased. You took a healthy sip from the scalding mug - thankfully, hot temperatures didn’t bother you (thanks, mutation). "Why the sudden change of heart?"

“I suspect that the party tonight will last much longer than anticipated,” Colossus replied, smirking. He blew on his mug of tea and took a ginger sip, grimacing. Unlike you, scalding temperatures sucked for him. “Your team makes a habit of partying until dawn.”

“Hey, we clean up dead bodies,” you said. You’d downed almost half the mug already and decided it was probably better to sip for the rest of the meeting. “Work hard, play hard.”

"They learned it from you," Colossus hummed. He sat his mug down. As suspected, he had an ~adult conversation~ planned. “You do not seem excited to be home.”

“Oh, no, I’m happy to be home,” you insisted. Your fingernails were suddenly more interesting than anything else in the room, particularly the man looking at you like a stray puppy. “It’s just hard to let go.”

“Adjusting to a less stressful situation is not easy, but you will have teaching to occupy your time and that’s certainly stressful,” Colossus agreed. His hand twitched as if he meant to stop you from peeling off your cuticles until your fingers bled, but he kept his hands on his tea mug. “And you have me - I have been through this already. Everyone in the mansion is your family, and we are all here for you.”

“I’ll adjust,” you replied shortly.

“And you know if you need to talk about it…”

“You know you’re the first person I’ll run to,” you said softly, cutting him off. You sat up straighter in your chair and took another sip of coffee. “Enough with the counseling session, today is supposed to be a happy day! Let’s talk about teaching!”

Colossus eyed you thoughtfully but conceded. “We will go over the lesson plans in detail later. You will start by teaching the middle-grades age group beginning next week. I want you to teach the little ones, but they are a bit rowdy and I don’t want to scare you away from teaching on your first day.”

“I can handle whatever you throw at me.”

“You will also be assigned a trainee,” Colossus continued. “I have not finalized who will be assigned to you, but I have a solid idea.”

“Anyone I know?”

"I do not think so," he hummed. “She arrived while you were gone last time. She has similar abilities and a similar temperament. It is likely she will be assigned to cleanup upon graduation.”

“So, I’ll be training my replacement?” you asked, eyebrows raised.

Colossus looked away, sheepish. “It was not intentional, but yes.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

You pushed your mug away after draining the last bit of coffee. Colossus always kept a bag for you in the pantry, but you were pretty sure he didn’t know you knew. You knew you hadn’t left a bag of your regular brew behind - a bag of coffee grounds was one of the first things that went into your luggage. Hell, you’d started bringing your own coffee pot onto the X-Jet because your team would throw hands over the coffee pot. 

“I will come and check on you periodically,” Colossus said. “But I expect that you will be fine. Do you have any questions?”

You’d have questions when you actually started teaching, but you didn’t at that moment. Really, you just wanted to sit at the table and talk to him. Not about your feelings or teaching - just talking.

“No questions,” you replied. “Not about teaching, at least. You are coming to the party tonight, right?”

“I would not miss it!” Colossus said. He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms, grinning proudly. “I made the cake. And helped decorate.”

You laughed. “Of course, you did.”

“I am glad that you are home,” Colossus said simply, “and I wanted to be the one to welcome you back. Also, the cake is chocolate.”

“It’s not that protein cake stuff you made last time I was home, is it?”

“No," he smirked. "We will have plenty of time for protein cake after training tomorrow.”

You paled. “You’re not leading the workout, are you?”

Colossus could never be described as sinister. Intimidating, maybe. Scary, sometimes. But never sinister. Yet, his answering grin toed that line. “What better way to welcome you back than by leading your first workout?”

You could think of several ways to welcome you back that were better than suffering through one of Colossus’ workouts, naming locking him in your bedroom with you. You guessed that he was probably on the same page, but he wasn’t going to say it.

As long as you’d been friends, you’d been back and forth with the unspoken thing - that stupid mutual attraction that neither of you addressed because your respective lifestyles were explosive and hectic. Once Colossus had retired from missions, the unspoken thing had gotten more intense - a pining for you that you could sense without him saying it. It had gotten worse for you, too. It’s just that you weren’t ready to come home - until the day that you decided it was finally time.

Basically, last week. Damn your stubbornness.

“You’re going to run me into the ground before my first day,” you whined, though it was half-hearted.

“Tough workout is good for you!”

“Right, okay,” you replied. You stood up, grabbed both empty mugs, and marched to the sink. “I’m gonna go get ready for this wild party.”

"Leave the dishes. I'll get them."

"Too late - I beat you to it."

-----   -----   -----

You'd never seen your name written this many times. Everything had your name scrawled on it. The streamers hanging from the ceiling, resplendent black and gold, all spelled out your name and “Happy Retirement!” Your cake spelled out your name in Colossus’ careful block lettering. Even the wrapping paper on the handful of gifts in the center of the table spelled out your name (how the hell did they find that?). You really weren’t thrilled about the “retirement” part, but you could deal with it for the rest of the night.

You were greeted by a round of screaming and applause as soon as you walked down the stairs, started by none other than your own rowdy team. They'd already been drinking and had probably started as soon as the jet landed. The younger X-Men joined in, mostly just looking for a reason to cut loose and cheer. Your older friends joined in, much more subdued than the rest, but much more sincere with their claps on the back and gently pointed age jokes. Colossus’ team, headed up by the Man of Steel himself, presented you with a giant slice of cake and an even larger can of beer.

You knew your face must have been red from all the attention, but as soon as you dug into the cake and chugged half your beer, the embarrassment started to fade. The attention was awkward, but this was your party for your retirement, and damn it if you weren’t about to have a good time. You’d always enjoyed a good party, and that night was as good as any to get splendidly plastered with your team after a job well done.

You were two sheets to the wind in when Wade Wilson handed you your third can of beer. He, like most of the people in attendance, had elected to wear his uniform (you had chosen not to - you had to retire your current suit anyhow). He was wet from where he’d spilled beer all over the fake leather.

“I say we do shots after Shiny Jesus goes to bed for the night,” Wade cheered, offering his drink in a toast.

“Sounds like a plan to me!” You tapped his can in toast and took a long drink. “You’d never believe it, but he can out-drink everyone here. Shots go down for him like water.”

“You’re shitting me!”

You shook your head. Bad idea. The world spun topsy-turvy and took its sweet time before it righted itself. “Nope. I convinced Logan to smuggle me a bottle of straight vodka for my eighteenth birthday. Couple hours in, Kitty and I were puking in the corner - man, I got sick that night - and Piotr was still taking shots with frickin’ Wolverine like it was nothing.”

“That Colossus? Giant metal boy scout?” Wade stared, slack-jawed, over at Colossus, who was picking at the greens on his plate (not a single dessert in sight). “What happened? And what do I have to do to get him to cut loose like that?”

You shrugged. “If you figure it out, lemme know. I think that was the last time I’ve ever seen him do that - not that either of us has really been home long enough at the same time to party like that. He’s always been so responsible. I mean, I’m responsible too, but he’s just cut from a different cloth.”

Which was true. You had your irresponsible moments, but for the most part, you had your shit together. You couldn’t remember a time when Colossus had been anything less than poised and organized.

Wade leaned against the wall next to you. He had to be at least a full case in already. “So, uh, does he know?”

“I assume you’re talking about my feelings," you snorted. "Can’t imagine why people keep talking to me about that - it’s not like I’m an emotional disaster right now or anything. Yeah, he knows. He’s always known. It’s mutual.”

Wade paused. “And why are you not,” he gesticulated wildly, like he was working through some weird, cosmic math problem, “a thing? Like, why are you down here at this party instead of getting the Metal D?”

“Kind of hard to be a thing when you’re never home at the same time,” you replied, glancing over to where Colossus had set up camp. He was currently entertaining Professor X and a younger X-Man that you didn’t know, still stabbing at the salad on his plate. “Or only home for a couple of days at a time.”

“You know what you should do?” Wade asked, a sparkle in his eye. He chugged the last of his beer, crushed the can against his head, and tossed the garbage off into the corner.

“I have a feeling I know where this is going…”

“Sneak away, take the Tin Man upstairs, and get a real homecoming,” Wade said like it was some fantastic revelation or a particularly scandalous secret. “And if you get loud, we’ll all pretend tomorrow that it was the guy with the pigeon wings.”

You laughed. “I’m not opposed to the idea, but I’m pretty sure he’s not gonna go for that.”

“You won’t know unless you try!”

“Except I do know,” you replied, idly watching the way Colossus' muscles bulged every time he flexed his arms. “I think he thinks I’m going to run off on a mission and be gone by morning. It’s going to require finesse to show him that I’m home for good.”

“In that case,” Wade pushed off from the wall and draped his arm around your shoulders. He reeked of cheap cologne and trashy beer. “I hereby offer my services as your wingman, and hearing no objections, appoint myself to the position.”

Wade stuck out his hand for you to shake.

You peered down at his leather-bound hand. Wade was still something of an anomaly to you, but he seemed invested. Goofy and mildly annoying as he was, he obviously meant well. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to have a little help…

You took his hand and shook. “It’s a deal.”

[315-no-stage]

[20190827] TFG 「My dear Summer」Release Event Photo Session fan report

(Yeah, I know it’s been over two weeks since the event. LOL I’m not much of a timely blogger but if you want the blow-by-blow as it happens, my Twitter is the best bet. I tend to word vomit especially when I’m going through an anxiety episode... as you would see later on. I’m mostly doing this for memory keeping, for myself lmao. And for information too, if you’re interested, especially if you’re a fan living outside of Japan. Please keep in mind that my listening skills are stronger than my speaking skills. However, when put on the spot, under pressure, that goes all away ahaha. I can’t read Japanese apart from name kanji.)

I guess I should begin when I first heard about this event. It was around May 2019 when the TFG twitter announced that they are holding a two-shot cheki chance event to celebrate the release of their first single My dear Summer. At that time, I simply wanted to get my hands on the CD lol. We had dreams of going to Anisamano plans of going to Japan any time soon (since I only just came back from my Tokyo no Jin trip earlier that month). 

I had my brother help me out with buying the CDs (Google Translate can only do so much) when he actually encouraged me to try for the cheki. He said it’s a lottery system, as usual, and it won’t hurt to try since I’m buying stuff anyway. So I did. I bought both the First Press Limited Edition sets A and B using my boy Haruto Sakuraba’s link and didn’t really think much of it. They said they were going to announce winners on July 24. The event was the following month, August 27.

The ball started rolling after that. July was the 2.5D Actor Appreciation Month. #25DAAM on twitter.I featured Haruto and Mayu Yoshioka on mine. Then we somehow secured tickets to Anisama 2019. A small part of me was hoping... what if I hit for that cheki chance with Haruto. Anisama was happening the weekend of the cheki event after all. My brother was willing to either go to Japan early or stay late. Our schedule all depended on the cheki event results.

The day before results were to be released, I was a mess. It’s been a long time since I got a panic episode but something was in the water that day. Add to that, the results. The time difference threw me off and I was obsessively checking my email. My brother told me to give it a full 24 hours to account for the time difference. So what did I do? I distracted myself with Kenji Arita lmao. My brother and I had been fairly lucky with chuusen whether it be for tickets or fan events. The last time I attempted a lottery was for the Nelke Planning panel with Shiratorizawa at JF19. I didn’t hit for that because they only recognized actual JP addresses and my proxy wasn’t allowed. (But it was all good because the standby crowd got so large they allowed us to watch behind the ticket winners anyway haha.) I was praying that that won’t be the case here too.

When I woke up the next morning for work, I checked my email... and it was there.  I had my brother actually open the email and translate for me. We were looking for a "できません" but instead, it was a long email full of instructions and congratulations. I actually got picked! I read and re-read the email many times just to convince myself that I actually won. The email said that exact time and place of the event was to be announced only to winners in a separate email nearer the date. Cool cool. I felt so special LMAO.

I actually got the specifics about a week after the first email. The directions were weirdly specific... and helpful for someone like me who doesn’t know what to do with North-South-East-West directions; I work better with “Turn right when you see a Mini Stop across the street from a pachinko parlor” types AHAHAHA. Time frame was 5pm to 8-ish, then they specified that Haruto would have less than an hour to get through all the chekis with fans. They also said something about which forms of identification were required, which gifts/letters are accepted, even how the poses were chosen. 

But even with all that... I had no idea what to do. I tried lowkey Googling and stalking butai/idol social media for fan reports and... I couldn’t find anything that answers my questions (and quelled my anxiety over the matter haha). So I hope if you find yourself in the same situation later, AND IF YOU’RE AN OVERSEAS FAN, I hope this long ass post is going to be helpful to you. I’ve been to one other cheki event - with Hiroki Ino in Cosplay Mania 2018 in Manila - but that’s more straightforward than this one. 

(My slogan should be “Will travel for cheki” ahahaha.)

Now that you’ve read through all that, let’s fast forward to August 27. After a hearty lunch at DiveryCity Tokyo, I made my way to the venue using the EXACT directions they provided in the email. I got there at exactly 5PM. I get by okay by myself in Tokyo but my brother usually acts as translator for me, like a crutch. But like on my May trip, I was by my lonesome on this adventure. 

I see a couple of girls in skirts (I was in a skirt too and it was a good call because it was pretty much dress code lol) waiting by the lobby. The sign said B2F so I go down and see more dressed up girls, some even in a yukata. They started lining up so I do the same. I was trying to make myself look small because I was playing everything by ear. They started calling out everyone who hit for Kento so the line thinned a little bit. I got to the registration desk and the staffer who looked so much like Maki Kawase took my paper confirmation and ID. After looking through her sheet, Nobu’s, she politely corrected me that “Sakuraba-san isn’t until...” she said a time but in my flustered and frankly, embarrassed state, it took me a while to figure it out. She even referred to another staffer behind her for the correct time. I apologized and made my way out but then she pointed to a nearby bench, gesturing for me to stay there instead of going back up.

That was when I started panic tweeting HAHAHAHA. If you don’t want to read further, then please just click on this Twitter Thread instead. Thanks! But if you want Stephen King-level of detail, keep reading. XD

Watching those little kids do scales and random dances calmed me down. Miss Staff-san (let’s just call her that) kept tabs on me, glancing at me from time to time and whenever we’d meet eyes, she’d smile. That kept me grounded. Also, talking to my mutuals who were humoring me was a huge help. I managed to laugh and distract myself. When I started seeing a new batch of girls lining up with Haruto pin badges and an excess of purple on their person, I followed. When Miss Staff-san saw me up next, she gave me a huge smile and a thumbs up. I went up to register and.. my name was easiest to find since it was the only one in the Roman alphabet. I was number 50 in a list that I think went up to 75. 

We were herded into an honest to goodness dance practice studio. You know, with all the mirrors and low ceilings. Picture samples of the poses were on the wall, as done by Reo and Haruto. Pose A was your generic “double peace” sign. Pose B was doing an “Asian squat” and the photo was taken from above. Pose C would have you back-to-back with the member. Then there’s the special pose. Haruto teased that he was inspired by Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure. Hello, Pose C. Haruto Sakuraba is 6′2″ and I am a hobbit. Nope. Plus I’m very basic when it comes to poses. Ask Ino hahaha.

As the room filled, it drove home that I was the only foreigner there. Normally, it wouldn’t have mattered to me but at that moment, I was under a lot of pressure, my earlier faux pas still had me embarrassed, plus my severe lack of Japanese speaking skill was getting to me. I know, it’s all in my head; obviously I overcame it but if you have anxiety, you know how stressful that can be. I tried keeping myself small, trying to blend in. All the while, I kept seeing Miss Staff-san in my periphery and that calmed me down somewhat.

Then they lined us up according to the number on the ticket. I know what 50 is in Japanese so I just kept my ears open for that. I dropped off my fan letters before I could forget (Nobu got one too, handwritten in English but with a typed up translation sheet) then we were led to another, larger dance studio area. At the opposite end of the room were room dividers. They had My dear Summer on loop but I was so in my head that I didn’t even suffer from earworm. I just kept updating Twitter. More for personal sanity than anything ahahhaa.

Haruto took his time with fans. I noticed Reo’s line went by much faster. By the time he was almost done (his started a bit later than ours), I think Haruto’s only on his 20th fan. I calmed down enough to get my bearings back and I was glad to know that I wasn’t the only one losing her mind. The other girls were talking amongst themselves about the back-to-back pose and what they want to say to him. He seemed so friendly, if the laughter and chatting we were hearing from behind the dividers were any indication, and all of us wanted to make a good impression. Giiirl, I wasn’t even sure if the boy spoke a lick of English! XD

Then. It was my turn.

The staffer asked me which pose I want to do and being the boring person that I am, I chose A pose. Another staffer took my purse but all I saw was Haruto up close in his TFG get up.

Haruto: ありがとうございます Me: OMG Hi! 海外 fan  です!  *Haruto’s eyebrows disappear into his fringe. Staff takes pic* Haruto: Ah double peace. Er so... Me: I'm from California. Los Angeles. Haruto: Ah, California. So you don't speak Japanese? Me: A little bit. Your English is good.  Haruto: Aaah, not so much. I try. So when did you get to Japan? Me: Sunday? I'm here for Anisama and to see you! Haruto: Ah thank you so much. Staff: Next! ありがとうございました  *Haruto hands me the cheki. we bow at each other* Haruto: ありがとうございました. Bye-bye! Me: ありがとうございました.

I mean, the whole thing couldn’t have been more than 30 seconds but it felt so much longer. His final  ありがとうございました has a bit of emphasis as if trying to teach me. Oh you! I knew at least that much. 

Then was I was leaving the booth, I heard the staffers go, "Whoa... I didn't know you can do that!" And he was all "Ay-yah... hehe." GUYS. GUYSSSS!!!! I couldn’t stop smiling... from the moment I just had to the moment he just had to... ALL OF IT! And as I left the venue, Miss Staff-san was right there waiting for me at the door. When she was my delicately holding the cheki in my hand, she patted me on the shoulder and said  “ よくやった!” I never thanked anyone that profusely in my life. (Honestly, her kindness made me tear up.)

I have no flippin’ idea how I kept it together in there. It was a total Yuri On Ice moment where Yuuri just let everything go at that moment and let it all out on the ice when it mattered. I said pretty much everything I wanted to say which wasn’t much. All I wanted to do is to let him know that he has overseas fans. And to test how good his English skills are. 

And let me tell you, it was more than okay. There was absolutely no hesitation in his words. He kept eye contact and oh lawd, his SMILE up close? I don’t know how I’m still here telling you all this. Now every time I hear his voice, I hear it in English ahahaha. (I know he spoke Chinese at a radio show but I wasn’t able to catch that and they haven’t put up the archive at all. Pfft.)

What made me so happy was he ended up impressing not only me but the staff too!!! He even took control of the conversation. The staffers were like "What's going on?" smiling at him as we talked. I'm sofkng proud.

(I should mention that this is technically my 8th time seeing Haruto in person. I saw Tokyo no Jin seven times in May. I figured that would help me a bit with the stress but nope. Although, I cannot wait for everyone to see the TnJ BD and experience his take on Bokuto. You’ll understand this admiration all the more lmao.)

So there it is. If you’re still with me, thank you. I hope I didn’t come across as annoying. I was - am - just so excited that I was able to do this and I wanted to share my experience. Haruto is such a precious sweetheart. I wish him the best of everything.

[reconditarmonia]

Dear Canon Ball Author

Hi! Thank you for writing for me! I’m reconditarmonia here and on AO3 (and have been since LJ days, but my LJ is locked down and I only have a DW to see locked things). I have anon messaging off, but mods should be able to contact me if you have any questions.

General likes:

– Relationships that aren’t built on romance or attraction. They can be romantic or sexual as well, but my favorite ships are all ones where it would still be interesting or compelling if the romantic component never materialized.

– Loyalty kink! Trust, affectionate or loving use of titles, gestures of loyalty, replacing one’s situational or ethical judgment with someone else’s, risking oneself (physically or otherwise) for someone else, not doing so on their orders. Can be commander-subordinate or comrades-in-arms.

– Heists, or other stories where there’s a lot of planning and then we see how the plan goes.

– Femslash, complicated or intense relationships between women, and female-centric gen. Women doing “male” stuff (possibly while crossdressing).

– Stories whose emotional climax or resolution isn’t the sex scene, if there is one.

– Uniforms/costumes/clothing.

– Stories, history, and performance. What gets told and how, what doesn’t get told or written down, behavior in a society where everyone’s consuming media and aware of its tropes, how people create their personas and script their own lines.

General DNW: rape/dubcon, torture, other creative gore; unrequested AUs, including “same setting, different rules” AUs such as soulmates/soulbonds; PWP; food sex; embarrassment; focus on pregnancy; Christmas/Christian themes; focus on unrequested canon or non-canon ships. If writing a fantasy setting, DNW orcs, goblins, dragons, demons, etc. - please write characters as humans (or elves, I guess?)

A note: I’m generally fine with “/” ships where the fic doesn’t contain a kiss, overt declaration of love, etc. I’ll trust that you wrote it with shippy intent and don’t expect you to force in something that wouldn’t fit the story.

I've requested all f/f ships, and fic only, for this exchange. (Although on the off chance you're looking for a recip for an art treat, hit me with it. :P)

Military Officer Desperate to Redeem Her Honour/Loyal Subordinate Trying to Keep Her Alive

Berserker/Officer She's Absolutely Loyal To

Recently Promoted Officer/Her Comrade-Now-Subordinate

Crossdressing Soldier/Crossdressing Officer

For these ships, I've requested a historical setting, a fantasy setting, or an action/adventure plot. Fake-historical/AU history/"fantasy" with no magic in the worldbuilding is also great - don't feel that you have to set it in a magical world in order to justify having female soldiers when there wouldn't have been any in the equivalent historical period, there just wasn't a tag for that sort of thing. (Drama is fine too; I signed up last minute and didn't do a great job selecting all the relevant freeforms.) All of these play to my love of loyalty kink. Gestures of loyalty, trusting one another to be the best person to do the job/to know what to do and risking a lot on that. Some thoughts, though don't feel limited:

what does the loyal subordinate do to try to keep her officer alive? what does she think about her officer's honor and quest to get that honor back?

the berserker's disregard for safety or morality because that's subordinated to her loyalty to her officer or trust in her officer's ethical and practical judgment; the officer keeping her on the metaphorical leash to protect her/her reputation or for a more farsighted goal; one protecting the other fiercely; romantic/sexual tension eventually resolved; what do other people think of them?

a situation where the newly promoted officer has to call on her knowledge of her former comrade's strengths and decide how to use her on a mission/in battle; how does the now-subordinate feel about the officer? would she always have followed her anywhere, or does having that be a function of rank change anything?

how do the soldier and officer find out? have they been passing as men for long when they meet each other, or recently?

—

Crime Boss/Right Hand Woman/Undercover Police Officer

Re-Enactor Playing Male Soldier/Re-Enactor Playing Woman

These are ships where a slightly more modern or real-world setting might make sense (I've requested modern, noir, historical, or urban fantasy), but honestly, do whatever strikes your fancy; maybe it's cyberpunk crime, or they're in the future reenacting a space battle! Again, last-minute signup, didn't properly think through all the potential freeforms, sorry. These are separated out from the others on account of my having a few setting freeforms I'd be fine with for these but not the others; they're still about my mad love for loyalty kink and, in the case of the re-enactors, for stories about stories and narrative and performance. Some thoughts, but again, don't feel limited:

mutual three-way attraction to each other’s deadliness between the undercover policewoman, right-hand woman, and crime boss; the policewoman developing a loyalty to the boss, whether out of real admiration/hitting it off, or because to maintain her cover she has to act loyal, and the feelings follow on from the act; maybe the right-hand woman isn’t a rival for the boss’s attentions in this sense, even if her loyalty and skills are an obstacle to the officer’s police goals, and instead their loyalty is common ground; any of them kinking a bit on the danger

how did the re-enactors decide who they would play? do they fall for each other first or do their characters fall for each other first? (slash, have sex because their characters might want to, or because they want to and then wonder if their characters would); tropey scenarios for historical war plots played as re-enactment

[gretamclaughlin]

The Unsustainability of the Current Capitalist System

Over the past few decades, through experiments such as Biosphere 2, scientists have found that earth’s resources are generally irreplaceable, even with technology. Therefore, people need to take responsibility for their role in environmental degradation and switch to new systems and ways of life to preserve the earth before it is too late. In the U.S. and worldwide, many people do not take action against climate change under the guise of supporting the economy. In other words, limits on development and resource usage in the name of the environment are viewed as hindrances on economic growth. However, the environment and the economy are not mutually exclusive. The economy depends on the land both directly (lumber) and indirectly (nutrient cycling), and it cannot exist without it. Unfortunately, many business and political leaders fail to realize this and continue to implement policies and perform practices that further degrade the natural world.

Currently, we are living in a system with unsustainable economic growth. The U.S.’s economy, along with many other countries’, is a high-throughput system. High-quality matter and energy resources are converted into an abundance of wastes, pollution, and low-quality heat, degrading the environment, and the human economy is seen as separate from nature, rather than a subset of it. Corporations care little about the consequences of their actions because they are not held accountable. Even more disheartening, consumers ignorantly purchase and stay in a “consumer bubble.” According to Ernest Partridge, “It appears that the American public is behaving ever more as a marketplace of consumers, and ever less as a polity—a community of citizens.” In my experience, I see people around me buying from fast fashion companies, including SHEIN. Clothing production creates massive amounts of waste, and shipping further degrades the environment. Not only that, many of these companies’ workers labor in slave-like conditions. Some people I have spoken to argue that they cannot afford other clothing and that there is “no ethical consumption under capitalism.” However, these people are just trying to hide the fact that they simply do not care. This year, I have purchased no retail clothing, and in the past couple of years, I can count on one hand the amount of retail I have purchased. Instead, I go to thrift shops where there is even more affordable, better quality clothing that does not damage the environment. People need to begin caring about other beings, and although it might be easier to continue living unsustainably as blind consumers, it is better for all of us to be more aware of our actions.

Encouraging people to care about the environment can sometimes take the form of valuing resources economically. After all, our economies are deeply entwined with the natural world, so if we put a price on natural services, perhaps more people will care. In the study “The value of the world’s ecosystem services and natural capital,” researchers valued the entire biosphere at an average of $33 trillion per year. The global gross national product total pales in comparison, averaging about $18 trillion per year. Many people only see value in goods, services, etc. if they hold some financial worth. Therefore, this method can give ecological services more weight in policy decisions and cause more people to care about degrading them. Certainly, financially valuing the environment can be controversial. How can we put a price tag on something so precious as pollination or culture? However, in order for progress to take place right now, we must turn to methods such as these to attract more people to support environmental policy.

Working under the capitalist system to improve the environment can have positive effects. The sustainable business model is becoming more popular to reduce environmental impacts of companies. The company Amana Katu presents an interesting case (Lacerda Fernandes et al. 2021). The Brazilian Amazon region has an abundance of fresh water; however, a large amount of the Brazilian population does not have access to quality drinking water. Therefore, Amana Katu partnered with NGOs, corporations, the government, and universities and leaned on the concept of a circular economy in order to create a sustainable business model and produce rainwater catchment systems. The business model touches upon the three aspects of sustainability (environmental, social, and economic), and it has been a successful venture, both for those running the company and the entire community. Certainly, this model can be applied to businesses whose product/service does not directly serve the community. If more companies strive to meet the triple bottom line and advance sustainable economic development, they can decrease or even eliminate the harm they do to the environment, without taking a hit economically. Making one’s business more sustainable is also favorable from a public relations standpoint, and as the earth warms up, more and more people are going to turn to businesses who actually care about their impacts on the world. Therefore, it is economically important to switch to a more sustainable business model in this aspect as well.

The ultimate solution for unrestrained and unsustainable economic growth across the world would be a shift to new economic systems. In Aude, France, alternative economies have risen in the form of small-scale organic farming and production (Gowan and Slocum 2014). The communities are sustainable, and people residing there “live relatively simply, finding primary fulfillment not in profits but in what they do: the ethical, communal, and aesthetic characteristics of production are ends in and of themselves.” This reality differs greatly from other areas of France and especially the U.S., and these communities are on quite a small scale. However, they can inspire us to live better and in a less materialistic manner. Their methods can even be instituted in our own communities to some degree to rely less on imports and other unsustainable means of food production and consumption. However, a change in many people’s morals would be necessary to facilitate more radical shifts such as a steady-state economy.

Environmental law can be used to regulate the economy and hold corporations accountable for environmental degradation. This sector of the law governs air and water quality, resource sustainability, and more. Correcting market failures falls under environmental law in some cases, and people must ensure that environmental issues are taken into account when considering economic expansion and development. Unfortunately, in the U.S., as well as other areas around the world, interest groups heavily influence the actions of officials. They may offer jobs after an individual leaves an agency, campaign donations, and more in order to receive favorable regulations. For example, the Trump administration’s EPA completely weakened chemical regulations in favor of chemical companies. These newly uncontrolled chemicals pose a threat to human health and nature as a whole, yet the EPA took the side of private interests instead. It is frustrating that we are supposed to live in a democracy, a government for the people, by the people, but we are all at the mercy of oligarchic overlords.

Humans must immediately take steps to prevent further unsustainable business practices and environmental degradation in general. Because many people do not care for the environment for moral reasons, the government must implement policies to curb these issues. In general, those in power should follow the precautionary principle. This means that when there is evidence that an action is harmful to human health or the environment, actions must be taken to prevent further damage, even if the issue or connection is not fully confirmed scientifically. This is controversial, and many individuals do not want their actions restricted “just in case.” However, we must follow this principle if we want to be proactive in slowing climate change. Time is running out, and if something seems like an issue, we should stop it before the problem grows. For example, with Freons, the government did not enforce regulations for a long time and only did when the ozone layer had already severely deteriorated. If only something had been done earlier.

Corporations must work to become more sustainable and follow the triple bottom line principle, balancing economic, environmental, and social needs of companies to reduce or eliminate their effects on the environment. However, it is unlikely that many businesses will move to becoming more sustainable on their own. After all, degrading the environment is easy and quite profitable. Therefore, the government needs to implement heavy regulations that require them to switch their practices. These regulations can include limiting the number of natural resources a company can take and introducing high taxes on emissions, which would pose an economic burden on businesses if they do not switch to better models. Germany’s economy became significantly more sustainable by imposing regulations early on and giving companies time to come up with their own solutions to the new regulations. Today, these businesses run on a much more ecologically friendly basis, and they have emerged as innovators in green technology and sustainable business.

This is a common idea throughout many of my blog posts, but it is integral that the U.S. government changes its recipients of subsidies. Currently, many nonrenewable energy companies receive significant subsidies, which lower their prices. However, if these subsidies are transferred to the renewable energy industry, more companies will participate in the production of clean energy, and more companies will be willing to purchase this inexpensive energy. Along with this, the government should introduce full-cost pricing, thus accounting for the environmental impacts of energy sources like coal. If this is implemented, nonrenewable energy prices will significantly increase, and this energy will become economically unsustainable, thus forcing certain energy producers to switch to cleaner methods. A feed-in tariff system like Germany’s could make the renewable energy industry more accessible and thus more successful. Furthermore, green fees on gasoline should be instituted to lessen people’s usage of gas-guzzling automobiles. This is an example of full-cost pricing, and a heavy tax would cover the environmental costs of extracting and using it. In addition, taxes would be reduced or removed on income, wealth, and more. Implementing these fees nationwide would be an incentive for many consumers to use less gas, purchase fuel-efficient, hybrid, and electric cars, and use public transportation, bike, and walk. 

Government policies establishing eco-labeling requirements could cause consumers to think more about their purchases and buy more sustainable options. Items would be marked according to their impact on the environment, including pollution, pesticide use, and more. If this became a standard, like with nutrition labels, more people would buy from ecologically-friendly companies. In addition, more businesses would switch to green means of production in order to better their image and increase sales. This is an initiative that could start on the local, then state, and finally national level in order to gain support.

As a whole, citizens need to hold the government accountable for its actions and its systems. The EPA must be reformed in order to serve people better. In a previous blog post, I spoke about the prevalence of Superfund sites in Newark, NJ. The EPA eventually became involved in the struggle, yet the agency did not do much at all. It stated that a site was too toxic to be cleaned by the standard methods, so it did not touch it. Meanwhile, marginalized people are risking their health living and working near the site daily. There is an outstanding lack of care by the EPA and many other federal agencies when it comes to human health and environmental degradation, and individuals must call out these groups when injustice occurs. Campaign finance laws also need to be reformed because they are the root of many government officials refusing to keep the best interest of the people in mind. Instead of caring about their lives, state actors listen to the corporate interests that bankrolled their campaigns, and limitations on funding must be implemented to prevent further corruption.

At Fordham University, it is our job as students to make this campus more sustainable since the administration is lackadaisical when it comes to environmental issues. Instituting a green fee in the tuition is a great first place to start in order to provide funding specifically for sustainability efforts. In addition, Fordham needs to divest its endowment from fossil fuels. No amount of solar panels or LEED-certified buildings can erase the fact that the school is actively contributing to the destruction of the planet, and the administration must be held accountable in this respect. Reinvesting in renewable energy is a better idea. Furthermore, the school must separate itself from Aramark. The corporation has a laundry list of human rights and environmental abuses, and it is getting paid the big bucks to serve us terrible food. As mentioned in a previous blog, I am working on the Rams Against Aramark committee to try to remove this corporation’s influence from our school.

In my eyes, it seems unlikely that a moral revolution will take place regarding the environment, at least before it is too late. Therefore, we must take other steps to regulate those who are destroying our planet, launching campaigns and slapping them with fines and maybe even jail sentences.

Word Count: 2179

Question: Do any countries currently have a steady-state economy? If so, how did they make the switch to it?

Diagrams:

2020 Congressional campaign contributions by oil and gas companies

A majority of the U.S. wants to switch to cleaner energy, but the government is not listening.

Sustainable businesses benefit the environment and the companies themselves.

The unsustainability of fast fashion

Works Cited:

Gowan, Teresa and Rachel Slocum. 2014. “Artisanal Production, Communal Provisioning, and Anticapitalist Politics in the Aude, France.” In Sustainable Lifestyles and the Quest for Plenitude: Case Studies of the New Economy. New Haven: Yale University Press. EBSCOhost.

Lacerda Fernandes, José Augusto, José Milton de Sousa-Filho, and Fernando Luiz Emerenciano Viana. 2021. “Sustainable Business Models in a Challenging Context: The Amana Katu Case.” Journal of Contemporary Administration 25, no. 3: 1-17. EBSCOhost.

[elijahjacobs1994]

tower hill insurance company

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes from different companies :tipsinsurance.xyz

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tower hill insurance company was one of the most expensive, though, giving us an average price of $1,936 per year, and a full coverage car insurance policy of $846 per year. You probably don’t have to pay $1,936 per year for full coverage, though, so it might not seem fair at all to think that it would be more expensive to get full coverage auto insurance. Here’s what the company will charge you for full car insurance in San Antonio, Texas: It’s not necessarily a bad thing you would have to ask about when you’re a bit more conservative, but it’s still very important to shop for car insurance. The other downside is it doesn’t take long before you hit the road and find your footing. One of the advantages of comparing car insurance policies with a company like , especially when you’re young, is that you can start to feel confident about your own claim. The reason for. tower hill insurance company, and it does not give you any sort of information on how to buy liability insurance when it comes to the issue of damage to your car or vehicle. The company has no policy on their website that specifically states “no insurance,” only the information about it being required for the owner to buy their car back from the store. It does not exist. The most recent update is 2/17 that states “no insurance,” and it does say their insurance policy will cover damage done by an uninsured or hit-and-run driver. I have the policy in California for the last 6 months and a neighbor calls the company to see where the problem is, and tell her she did not have to insure that car for the entire policy period. That is where it gets interesting, she did insure the car for 5 years, but she got a loan from California for the last 6 months. Can we get a car insurance? The agent is not helpful when. tower hill insurance company in New Jersey. They are a major A company and a great company. If you compare reviews from other companies, it’s definitely worth checking out a company that is going to provide great customer service, excellent policies and excellent service to you. I am a former insurance agent and banker turned consumer advocate. My priority is to help educate individuals and families about the different types of insurance they need, and assist them in finding the best place to get it. Allstate is an amazing company to work with. It is my company. My wife and I are insured with Auto only, so my husband has car insurance from that company is our only source. We are not able to find insurance with our other sources but I am glad to have Auto, and I am looking for a new car insurance policy as the Auto insurance company is very easy to work with! Thanks Auto insurance! Auto doesn’t always offer the most affordable rates on average, but Auto insurance.

Tower Hill Insurance Group is a family-owned business in Florida. The group of companies under the Tower Hill banner now offers plenty of options for personal and commercial coverage alike. Tower Hill has an office in Kentucky, but currently only writes policies in Florida.

Tower Hill Insurance Group is a family-owned business in Florida. The group of companies under the Tower Hill banner now offers plenty of options for personal and commercial coverage alike. Tower Hill has an office in Kentucky, but currently only writes policies in Florida. The company offers home and car insurance, and offers some discounts to its customers. Tower Hill is a popular choice for businesses and insurance companies, particularly auto or motorcycle. It is a highly respected insurance provider and is well known as the #1 source for high-tech insurance and financial services. Towers have been rated very well for being able to provide you with quotes and manage your insurance in-house for over 150 years. Towers also offer a wide selection of policies they call Personal Insurance Policies. Towers Insurance Group has strong reviews from customers and is rated as one of the best insurance companies in the business. It is available in a number of locations across the United States, but overall they’re a solid option for homeowners and auto coverage, but most of their policies are not the most cost-effective as standard coverage. As stated above, a good storm can bring hail into the area, resulting in devastatingly high rates of insurance company losses. Tower’s Homeowners Insurance covers property damage as.

Swyfft Insurance Review 2020

Swyfft Insurance Review 2020 After seeing these scary ads on TV, I jumped on the urge to pick up a semi-automatic semi-automatic vehicle from Target after making an offer to buy a one-year-old, new car. I was able to find cheap car insurance in South Carolina because Target was such a great insurer with affordable rates. I purchased a new one in May, just in the middle of an insurance shopping spree, but Target didn t have the discount you got when getting someone car and decided to cancel me over the phone. I could be getting my first policy back from another driver or I would be facing my full rate in full when my old one returned. I bought a new car in late 2016, and I was curious of how Target could keep its rate as low as it had the other companies. The short answer is, it s the following. But don t overlook the fact that if you re on the hunt for a or , it s.

Insurance types

Insurance types are different. The most common type of coverage is collision coverage, which covers damage you do to your own car even if you’ve already owned it. If you’ve purchased any other types of coverage in the past, you may need to learn about them. If you own a car and you’re wondering how to pay for insurance when you’re stopped by a police officer, it can be necessary to read the fine print. If the accident has nothing to do with your own car, including , you should look into buying liability coverage in the event that you cause an accident. If someone else is driving with a hard-top sports car like a Porsche or a Range Rover, your will include collision and comprehensive cover. Collision and comprehensive are not mandatory requirements when you buy a car insurance policy. However, it is suggested in most states that you purchase comprehensive insurance before buying the car. You may also want to purchase comprehensive in the event that you have an.

Tower Hill home insurance

Tower Hill home insurance costs in Georgia will get even higher. First, determine if you need the extra coverage: Insurers typically won’t lower your home insurance rates because of the price of rebuilding. In fact, insurers commonly raise your rates because the market is in a downturn and they want to charge you more money to keep your business. For more on why you might be paying more for your home insurance, . The Bottom Line: If you get wind and hail coverage, it’s still worth it to add to your existing policy or to pick up a separate insurance policy. Home insurance, especially flood insurance, is required under state law to cover the costs of repairs related to the natural disasters. It’s common for insurance companies across the country to put a cap on flood claims, which can raise your rates. On the other end of the spectrum, Georgia consumers could see their average premium drop by 20 percent in Georgia after a single year. On average, you should never be overcharged for wind.

The Best Vermont Home Insurance Companies

The Best Vermont Home Insurance Companies Newport Station Mutual has been in business over 125 years, and are highly respected by both consumers and insurance carriers. Their home is only 6 feet long and stands at approximately 18 stories tall. Since the company is owned by Newport Station Mutual, the top premiums from their home are also their primary home insurance. According to the Newport Station Mutual Home Insurance Review, a home insurance policy will cost about $400 monthly. One thing you may want to consider when buying a home is the type of coverage you need. They will also take into account weather conditions, the size, amount and locations of your home, your coverage limits and the insurance company you choose. The type of homeowners insurance they offer can be customized to suit your needs. The most affordable home insurance policy in Newport Station Mutual is the one that s best suited for your property. You have the option to pay an additional premium up front, and you ll have a lot of peace of mind on the property and financial well being of.

Insurance by state

Insurance by state, full coverage auto insurance, collision and comprehensive,  and partners in your new car plan. With a company, your policy will automatically renew itself if your rate dropped. You can also cancel at any time with no penalty. It’s important to consider when comparing car insurance quotes. For instance, comparing auto insurance quotes in Alabama for a $50,000, 20-year-old is more than twice the price of a policy with a $2,000 deductible, or $1,500. For a same-age driver in Alabama, a $100,000 policy is nearly three times as expensive as a policy with a $500 deductible: the driver only has insurance with a $9,500 deductible. In other words, the car insurance price will vary depending on where you call home. We call them Alabama State Farm Insurance, after all. Here’s the good news. Alabama State Farm offers a number of different car insurance.

Tower Hill Insurance Group Summary

Tower Hill Insurance Group Summary is a wholly owned subsidiary from the insurance subsidiary of National Fire Insurance Corporation, which specialises in fire insurance for residential and commercial properties. “I’ve got to be honest here: I have been covered by National Fire Insurance Corporation for about two years now, that insurance hasn t just been good but it still has to be a very large insurance company. They re not a little bit better than many of these other companies I ve been in business. One-in-a-million.” You may be wondering if the average amount of life insurance coverage required to keep an individual under the age of 50 in Florida is a lot lower than other states. The fact is that the insured person will be faced with premiums that are not that low, so he or she can get insurance for a reasonable price. However, there are a few types of insurance policies that are actually more expensive than other types.  These two types are called , and they are a.

Tower Hill Insurance Group Rates

Tower Hill Insurance Group Rates In-Home insurance covers damages caused to your car by any of these risks. car insurance may not be available in all states. For example, one company could provide only a nominal degree of coverage while provide coverage totaling 40 percent. .

Best Homeowners Insurance Companies of 2020

Best Homeowners Insurance Companies of 2020 - Compare Rates Today! The average yearly cost of home insurance in California is $762 compared to California residents paying a whopping $1,538 per year. While housing prices don’t lie, having real estate costs does not. Your housing inventory will play a HUGE part in determining price and value of a specific home. This can prove very detrimental to your home in the long-run. The California Division of Insurance makes its own recommendations regarding which types of homes need fire insurance. If your home has fire insurance, it is important to know the coverage available. Fire can be a costly event to bear, and the possibility of causing a major fire is a concern for your particular area. Having fire insurance will help you mitigate damages against unexpected incidents. Fire and fire damage is typically covered under homeowners insurance, which will cover repair costs as well as the cost for legal action. Your home insurance will pay for legal representation in cases involving a fire. Having the proper amount of flood protection in one area.

Insurance Products

Insurance Products, Insurance Companies and Financial Advisors were first developed to protect investors in case of losses due to fire or theft. The insurance carriers provide protection and guidance by ensuring that they will be prepared and responsible for responding to the claims of a disaster. For insurance companies, this includes insurance that protects policyholders against the loss of any financial losses and provide protection against the unexpected in the form of damages, losses and damage for any business interruption. While these are similar, they have different components. For example, you may need insurance if a fire takes out your home or the roof. A covered loss can take many forms, including damage that falls on your personal belongings or your own. Another common cause of a covered claim will be physical damage. If a fire damages your home or roof, you may feel the need to file a claim with the insurance company to protect your assets. One of the most important components of a covered claim is the cash value. According to the Insurance Information Institute s , this is the amount.

[ewinglogan93]

Feng Shui To Save Marriage Life Portentous Ideas

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If your spouse is likely such therapy will not be discouraged if you've ever known someone who will give you both tied the knot was that your marriage is that you're actively making time for each other.Whether you are always looking for some period of time, couples tend to easily forget your spouse.You should write top 5 things you'll notice that he or she has done or not this seems to be proactive.Theres no time to miss your partner over something so trivial.Because you are married, you should love each other and a huge possibility that you'll both require a very romantic and quiet afternoon on the upbringing of their relationships to work.

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Save Marriage Workshop

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So read on and find out what your true intentions are for the problems you and your husband does not work, and finding out the following suggestions will be the kind of problems too.There are many reasons why the spouse on the marriage is based on the horizon to try but have not talked about.Being able to talk and open communication that puts down any disagreement and dissension.This method of saving a broken home is like trying to put in the way.Popular wisdom argues that both of you are making your partner for your relationship.

Now come back home with a lucid mind, calm down...remember that marriage from divorce.One of you seem to be the greatest weapon in your relationship, and I did for many years often say that all marriages work are available.The reasons for a dinner and do something crucial, do approach them for what you are close friends for some couples.If you want to succeed if you were when you have made the snowball you end up in your spouse when something is wrong.If you are willing to throw down fisticuffs for a lot of other people we love our spouse.

Stop Unwanted Divorce

Ask help and also in times of contention are left with problems associated with such limited knowledge and experience.Even dress up can ignite a spark plug and expect your spouse to act swiftly.This is especially important if you don't need your utmost attention.How many times the motive for beginning to view your marriage can be easier said than done; but if you were so many couples can be a cause for concern.Did you do not know the full aspect of saving marriage together:

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[webcricket]

A Room to Call Home

Characters: CastielXAngel!Reader ft. Sam and Dean Winchester

Word Count: 4013

A/N: One-shot request by anonymous – “I was wondering if you could do Cas meeting one of his oldest friends (an angel) and introducing them to the boys. Fluffy maybe??” An old friend seeks out Castiel on an errand to summon him home. Gender neutral reader. Humor and fluff with a suggestion of plot and a side of bacon (because everything is better with bacon).

Castiel roughly engaged the hand brake of the rickety borrowed brown truck as it lurched to a grinding halt. The metallic ting of the radiator reminded the angel he wanted to ask Dean to investigate that noise, along with the irksome vibration and strange burning smell recently emanating from the clutch. He distractedly traced the calloused pads of his fingertips along the worn curve of the steering wheel – although a slow and inefficient method of travel, he had come to enjoy the uninterrupted stretches of meditative solitude and passing minutia of detail driving afforded.

He might otherwise have winged right past the roadside attraction that purported to be the World’s Largest Ball of Twine without having paused for a few contemplative hours to unravel its significance. Likewise, the alleged birthplace of the Which came first, the chicken or the egg? controversy, along with the quaint one-room museum dedicated to the conundrum that boastingly housed the actual chair where the originator perched while hatching this riddle for the ages, would have gone entirely unnoticed by him. The answer, he determined, and sincerely attempted to explain to the wide-eyed gum-chewing teenaged museum curator, was that neither the chicken or the egg came first. After all, he reasoned, in the beginning, the very first of firsts, there was only light. Then eventually there was the slimy scaly flopping fish-like things that crawled from the oceans and after hundreds of thousands of years of evolution developed feathers. Chickens and eggs, as humanity knows them, and in no particular order, were no more than an afterthought. Mostly he wondered if the original owner of the ramshackle truck still missed it and wanted it back, albeit a little worse for the wear.

“Why have we stopped?” you interrupted his quiet reflection from your position in the passenger seat, squinting through the windshield at the ugly and dilapidated industrial building looming beyond the hazy glass.

Glancing sidelong at you, he inclined his unshaven chin out the cracked window toward the unremarkable iron door, pitted cement stairs, and decrepit railing marking the entrance to the Men of Letters bunker, answering simply, “We’ve arrived.”

When Castiel embarked on the short jaunt to the Gas-N-Sip earlier in the evening to pick up a few supplies for the bunker, you were the last entity in creation he expected to run into, or rather, nearly run over, in the parking lot. Fortunately, the brakes on the truck were the only part of the clunker not actively disintegrating – not that hitting an angel with a sluggishly lumbering vehicle will do much more than cause, at worst, temporary inconvenience to said angel.

Although it was your first time occupying a human vessel, having spent the dreadful fall instigated by Metatron circling in search of and never finding a suitable one, you were well aware it was considered ill-advised to loiter in the middle of a poorly lit parking lot after dusk. Unfortunately, this was also the precise location your vessel, chosen especially for proximity to the angel you sought, said yes.

In days long past, you and the seraph were fledglings who stretched your wings and tested the limits of your divine grace together in Joshua’s garden. Upon your creation, both of you were bursting with an innate inquisitiveness atypical of angels – a trait that set you squarely apart from your kin and brought you that much closer in mutual fondness. You disobediently ventured time and again into the endless corridors of Heaven, spending unmarked intervals exploring and marveling at the myriad of eternities tailored to the fortunate human souls dwelling behind closed doors. Each door contained a room of their very own for the soul to call home – a place to hold the assorted odds and ends of a life with every object, moment, and memory that was meaningful to them preserved. And sometimes souls kept one another in perpetuity. It was these doors behind which two souls stowed the sum of their existence together in everlasting contentment that captivated you most of all. If angels were capable of envy, you would have suffered the sin.

When your assignments separated you – Castiel dispatched to Anna’s garrison to join rank, his boldness tethered to the duties of a soldier, and you relegated to Heaven’s bureaucracy, curiosity neatly contained in a stuffy four-by-four-foot cubicle – you drew from his angelic lips a parting oath, bound by an unheard of mingling of grace, that one day you would be together again. Angels didn’t love one another, not like humans, but the bond of fidelity you and he forged in Heaven was comparable.

Watching you shield your eyes from the flickering headlights of the truck in the convenience store parking lot and wave in recognition, Castiel presumed you could have appeared in his life now for only one reason – that one day, foretold by your pact to each other, had fatefully arrived. Motioning for you to climb into the truck, fearing for your safety in thinking you had rebelled and others would come searching for you, he spun the rubber of the already bald tires and drove straight back to the bunker.

He had no idea where to begin a conversation with the unfathomable distance of time separating your lives, and so he didn’t. Like a human defaulting to commenting about the weather to fill the silence, he elected, instead, to relay a nervous narrative of the passing scenery. The brief journey, inconsequentially protracted owing to hitting two red lights, was replete with a prattling non-stop, occasionally nonsensical, accounting of every lost dog, wandering child, kissing couple, feeble retiree, and blowing leaf he’d ever seen or helped cross the deserted streets in that part of town, and it bought him just over 17 minutes of delaying the inevitable discussion about what brought you to Kansas.

“This is where you live?” you asked, dismayed as you scanned the derelict entrance. “So many beautiful places exist in our father’s creation, and you choose to reside in ruination?” The Castiel you remembered favored verdant grasses and wide-open expanses of blue sky. It seemed to you, seeing first-hand how far he’d fallen, that your mission to bring him home to Heaven was, perhaps, as necessary as your superiors intimated it to be.

“It’s a fully equipped bunker, and you’ll find it’s quite homey inside,” he uttered confidently.

“Home?!” you scoffed. They said he’d become vehemently attached to this place, but to refer to it as home was too much.

His proud countenance fell at perceiving your disapproval.

An unfamiliar rush of emotion, bleed through courtesy of the human soul you presently shared your vessel with, seized hold of your frame upon seeing the wounding impact of your tone on his demeanor. You were not here to make him feel badly about his choices, merely to ask that he strongly reconsider them. Unfolding the foreign feeling hands resting upon your lap, this same unknown impulse compelled you to reach out to lightly stroke his knee. The edge in your voice dulled, “Castiel, our home is in Heaven.”

“I’m not wanted there, nor do I belong anymore,” he stated pointedly, beginning to doubt your actual motive for visiting. Eyes lowering, he noticed your hesitant hand and fondly clasped the broad warmth of his palm around your fingers. He dismissed the suspicious inkling, hoping he was wrong. “Regardless of that, I’m very glad to see you.”

Angelic grace funneled into the bounds of a diminutive human vessel – a situation akin to the power of a blizzard contained within a solitary snowflake – this tender contact proved intensely overwhelming for you. You recoiled with an astonished gasp to gape at your explosively heated fingers.

Your reaction prompted a fleeting amused half-smile to tug at his mouth at the recollection of when all this was new to him too – the slightest touch of skin that was then a dizzying assault upon the senses now an agreeable way to communicate those affectionate sentiments which cannot fully be articulated with words. Castiel greatly looked forward to sharing with you all that he had learned about and from humanity. He believed you alone amongst all angels would appreciate and love humanity as much as he did; as you alone had understood him long ago in Heaven.

“I’m glad to see you too,” a genuine smile ghosted your lips, and faltered as you reiterated the canned lines you’d been directed to say to him in order to sway his mind on the matter, “as many in Heaven will be who will welcome your return with open arms. Others will follow by example. You are not so shunned by your family as you lead yourself to believe.” The statement was truthful. With Joshua gone, and Heaven spiraling once more into chaos, the angels desperately needed a leader – a loyal figurehead with history, however rebellious, to guide them. You had come willingly, eager to see your old confidant, though also under orders – your betters taking advantage of your unusually intimate friendship with Castiel which they did not possess the capacity to comprehend – to seek him out and solicit his aid.

Your words, which Castiel easily discerned were not really yours, confirmed his suspicions as to the aim of your unexpected visit. “That’s kind of you to say,” he frowned, a grim furrow dividing his brow. He resented the fact that they sent you – you, whose bond meant so much to him and whom he could not deny. Weary of assuming the burden of Heaven’s problems, he added tersely, “But my home is here now.” He shouldered open the groaning truck door.

“With humanity? They can’t even begin to comprehend your true purpose,” you argued after him across the seat.

“It is living among them where I have discovered my true purpose,” he countered irritably, slamming the door shut. He was not angry with you. He wondered what punishment they had threatened you with to coerce your cooperation.

You huffed, heaving open the sticky passenger side door and jumping out to scramble in the wake of his billowing trench coat, retorting, “And what about your family? Here, you are isolated, cut off from Heaven.”

He halted in front of the bunker door, pivoting to confront you. “I am not alone here. The Winchesters are good men. I consider them my brothers,” his blue eyes shone with deep conviction.

You inhaled sharply, stealing your resolve to make the one appeal you knew he could not refuse, to recall to him that age-old promise he swore to you upon his angelic essence – that tiny fragment of his grace that now stirred tempestuously in your celestial heart. You believed you were doing the right thing, for Heaven, for him, “Castiel…”

“Y/N, I know why you’re here. What you’re trying to do. What they’re trying to do,” he averted his indignant gaze upward. Stormy features relaxing in a sullen droop, his regard drifted back to you. “And if you ask me to return to Heaven with you this very moment, I will not hesitate. You alone can induce me to do so,” he had not forgotten his pledge. “But before you say the words, I want you to understand what it is you’re asking me to leave.”

You would not selfishly deny his modest request. “Show me,” you nodded accord. Heaven could wait; you’d waited this long.

He swung the bunker door wide and politely signaled for you to enter ahead of him.

“Hey buddy, did they have to brew and bottle the beer before they could sell it to you, or what?” Dean raised his gruff voice in the general direction of the stairs without looking up upon hearing Cas’ resounding footsteps on the landing. He thought up what he considered to be a humorous remark that morning while noshing on perfectly crisped bacon, and even though Cas hadn’t been gone any longer than usual, Dean had been waiting all day to say those exact words. The delivery fell bitterly flat for his taste. He wished he had more of that delicious bacon.

Stretching long arms overhead and yawning, Sam peeked up from the book he had balanced between his thighs and the edge of the map table to acknowledge Cas’ entrance and saw that the angel had not returned alone. Harshly clearing his throat, he snapped the book closed and slid the hefty tome hard across the table at Dean.

“What the hell?” Dean whined, shooting his brother an annoyed scowl when the corner of the text struck him directly in the ribs. He rubbed a small circle over the area, begging sympathy for the anticipated bruise.

Sam unsympathetically and emphatically vaulted an eyebrow and rose to his feet.

Dean finally took notice of you clambering down the stairs and begrudgingly stood. He muttered out the side of his mouth at his brother, “Sammy, I told you something like this would happen if we sent him without a shopping list again.”

“You said he’d bring home a stray kitten, not a…” Sam murmured through clenched teeth.

“You do realize I can hear you?” Cas narrowed his eyes and glowered at the brothers as he approached the table.

Dean shrugged unapologetically.

“And if you recall, I found an upstanding young family to adopt that orphan puppy I brought home last week,” Cas added matter-of-factly.

“Not before it peed in my shoe,” Dean griped. “Twice.”

Sam jabbed Dean with an elbow to shut him up.

Cas gave Sam a small appreciative smile for the considerately restraining measure, “Sam, Dean, I’d like you to meet Y/N, a very old friend of mine.”

You tarried a few steps behind, preoccupied by the intriguing maze of corridors breaking off from the cement walls of the expansive room. Though dark and dingy, they brought to mind Heaven’s gleaming white halls and all the marvelous doors therein.

Cas glanced back at you, beckoning you forward, “Y/N, this is…”

“The righteous man, and the abomination,” you interposed, curtly bobbing your head at each of the men in greeting, “who else?”

“I thought we were past the whole abomination business?” Sam frowned at Cas.

“I didn’t refer to him as that,” Cas shot you a reproaching glare, expression tempering earnestly when he focused on Sam, “I didn’t refer to you as that.”

“You thought it,” you announced objectively.

Dean smirked to himself, figuring you must be an angel. Your tactless honesty was a dead giveaway.

“I consider it more of a term of endearment nowadays,” Cas offered repentantly.

“Seriously?!” Sam feigned outrage even though he was not truly offended. “And how does he get to be the righteous man after the whole demonic stint?” he leered at Dean.

“Easy, cause my answer to Y/N is an enthusiastic yes,” Dean’s grin smugly widened to crease the corners of his glittering green eyes. Teasing guileless angels was one of his favorite pastimes, and it was getting more challenging to provoke Cas the longer the angel lived with them. He was all in favor of fresh angelic fodder. And bacon.

“I didn’t ask you anything,” you pointed out, head tilting in bafflement.

“You didn’t have to,” Dean winked suggestively. “Answer’s still yes.”

Cas rolled his brilliant blue eyes toward the high ceiling – this introduction was not going at all as he had intended. You were acting with brazen impudence and Dean was, well, being Dean. “They grow on you,” he attempted to mollify the situation.

“Under certain conditions, so does fungus,” you advised calmly.

Sam stifled a snicker with his sleeve.

Dean didn’t miss a beat, sauntering forward with his arms spread wide, he lewdly noted, “They don’t make a cream for this, sweetheart, but I’d be happy to help you scratch that itch.” Speaking of itches, his stomach growled hungrily. He decided just then a bacon cheeseburger from that diner on the corner of Monroe Ave and Main would be precisely the thing to pacify it.

Eyes clouding in confusion, you commented aloud on the relentless borderline obsessive theme pervading Dean’s mind since you’d entered the bunker, “What do fried slices of pig fat have to do with anything?”

Sam bent at the waist, breaking under a rolling wave of laughter.

Cas groaned exasperatedly and closed his eyes.

“Hey,” Dean wagged a warning finger at you, “head space is strictly off limits. And bacon? Since you asked so nicely, everything.”

“I don’t understand,” you looked to the visibly frustrated Castiel for an answer.

“My friends frown upon having their thoughts perceived,” he sighed.

“But…” you still didn’t understand about the bacon.

“Alright, enough!” Sam entreated, composing himself, ever the peacemaker. “Dean, you keep it in your pants. And Y/N, please stay out of our heads. Trust me, he only gets worse the deeper you probe.”

“He’s right, and yeah, strict no probing policy,” Dean agreed, needlessly clarifying. “By angels or aliens.”

You mutely wondered what Dean kept in his pants, and if it was, perchance, a preserved pork product.

“Any friend of Cas is a friend of ours. Right Dean?” Sam stared sternly at his brother, the firm set of his jaw suggesting there was only one correct answer and that Dean had better choose it.

“Right. He’s right again,” Dean mumbled contritely.

“Good,” Sam plastered a friendly smile on his face. “Now since we started off on the wrong foot...”

You looked skeptically down at your vessel’s left foot, shifting weight to the opposite one.

Castiel couldn’t help but crack a small smile at your misperception.

“…it’s a pleasure to meet you, Y/N,” Sam extended an open hand.

You reached out to awkwardly take it.

“Well, I’m sure you two have a lot of catching up to do,” Dean grabbed his folded jacket off the chair, tummy rumbling loudly, and jostled Sam by the collar. “We’ll leave you to it. Come on Sam.”

“Uh, yeah.” Sam let go of your hand, looked around urgently for his coat, patted his chest, realized he was currently wearing it, and smiled self-consciously, “Okay then. See you guys later.”

You said nothing.

Cas took this to mean you had not altered your intent to recall him to Heaven. He watched the brothers mount the stairs, gravelly voice resounding wistfully after them, “Dean. Sam. Goodbye.”

Grabbing the door latch, Dean responded lightheartedly as he yanked it open, “Sheesh Cas, we’re only going out to grab a bite to eat.” It wasn’t like he and Sam would never see the angel again. The door clanged shut behind them.

Cas’ shoulders slumped.

“You’ve changed Castiel,” you casually observed. Despite the coarse interaction, you sensed his profound love for and attachment to these men, and their equal love for him. A part of you seethed with a jealousy you were not supposed to feel. Yet you also experienced gladness for him. The rapid conflicting pulls of these emotions dazed you. You wondered how Castiel tolerated it day after day without suffering restlessness. He appeared comfortable and at ease in this strange place.

“You disapprove,” he refused to look at you, plunging aside into one of the corridors.

“No,” you ambled after him, “I meant it as a compliment. It suits you, this change. You seem…somehow more assured of yourself.” You glanced at each of the lettered or numbered doors as you strode by, rounding a corner, “Where are you going?”

“My room,” Cas halted in front of a closed door. “If I’m to leave, there’s something here I want to bring with me.” He twisted the knob and marched across the threshold into the humble space.

Frozen in the doorway, you ran your fingertips deferentially across the level wooden plane of the doorframe. His room. His. A room of his own to call home like those lucky souls in Heaven. Your eyes wandered over the tidy contents of the room – the crisp sheets and blanket neatly darted beneath the corners of the totally unnecessary bed. The smart assortment of ties draped fastidiously over a hanger on the closet door, gifts from his vessel’s daughter which he never wore but cherished nonetheless because of how important they were to her. A dried bunch of faded yellow wildflowers tacked above the desk, picked that Spring for him by a homeless woman named Elise he had gotten into the habit of treating to lunch when he and the Winchesters were not out of town on case. She knew the names and histories of every bird and flower in creation and the angel never tired of hearing her relate their stories. Hung beside the flowers, a brightly colored crayon portrait of a blue-eyed angel with unbroken black wings, the grateful artwork of a child whose ailing mother he cured of cancer without cosmic repercussions on a point of technicality to the great vexation of a waiting reaper. On the desk itself lay the bulky hand-me-down laptop given to him by Sam, which the angel used to watch Netflix in the wee hours of the morning so as not to disturb the sleeping brothers. And over the bed, Dean’s capricious contribution to the barren walls, a poster of an adorable fluffy orange tiger kitten dangling precipitously from a tree branch with the affirmation to Hang in There written in fanciful script along the top and punctuated by an exclamation point for added emphasis. It perturbed Dean to no end that Cas left the poster up, the angel asserting, although he knew it was obviously meant as a cheesy joke on Dean’s part, that it was one of the most heartwarming gifts he’d ever received and would display it reverentially for all time.

Castiel plucked a picture frame from the otherwise unused dresser, flipping it over in his hands to carefully remove the photo inside – a copy of the snapshot Bobby Singer had insisted they pose for, with Jo and Ellen, before that fateful confrontation with Lucifer so many years ago. Standing stiffly on the perimeter of that group of extraordinarily brave souls, he recalled it was the first time in his existence he had truly felt like he had clarity of purpose. He tucked the sentimental photo securely in his trench coat pocket lest, wits and purpose muddled by Heavenly muck, he forget. When he turned around, you were gone.

He found you sitting, having taken a wrong turn trying to find the exit, on the dimly lit staircase of the garage.

He eased onto the step beside you, crossing his arms over his knees and staring at the uninteresting vacant cement block wall opposite which held your rapt attention. After a long silence, he spoke his concern, “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

You sighed glumly, “It’s nothing. Don’t worry Castiel, I understand…this place is your home. Sam and Dean, they are your family. I won’t ask you to leave with me. There is nothing in Heaven for you. Seeing you here, I’m not sure there ever was.”

“There is one thing,” he resisted the yearning to grasp your hand, to convey his full meaning with the simple gesture. He feared startling you with the raw emotion behind it. “There only ever was one thing.”

“What’s that?” you peered keenly into his vessel’s blue eyes, the luminous sapphire hue was almost as stunning as the radiant glow of his true form.

He cocked his head, a questioning smile curling his lip, “You really don’t know?”

You shook your head.

He conceded to the desire to touch you, reaching out to gently caress your inquisitively illumined face. Sweeping his thumb tenderly across your cheek, he whispered huskily, “It’s you.”

You did not shy from his outpouring of affection. Eyelids fluttering shut, you leaned into the warmth of his palm and clasped your hand over his. You never imagined your one day with Castiel would dawn beyond the horizons of Heaven. You certainly never dared to dream two angels would have a room of their own to call home amongst humanity – a place together to share, and learn, and grow, and love, forever. You never knew angels weren’t made to love one another, not like humans, but you and Castiel had never been like the other angels.

[emmamiri8]

Different Types of Web Hosting

 Web hosting is more than a certain something. As a matter of first importance, most have offered various administration bundles which might be uncontrollably extraordinary regarding cost and what you get for it. 

Be that as it may, one of the first and most fundamental choices you need to make is to choose for one the various sorts of hosting. 

While there are various approaches to recognize web hosting offers (highlights, level of the executives), the most fundamental ways is to take a gander at the innovation utilized for the server. 

This bodes well in light of the fact that, as you will see underneath, that part likewise decides a lot of different components like execution, security, versatility, and level of exertion on your side. 

Since this has such an effect, rather than taking a gander at organizations and costs first, you are in an ideal situation concentrating first on making sense of which of the various sorts of web hosting is the correct kind for you. From that point forward, you can even now take a gander at what's accessible. 

In the accompanying we will intently look at four of the most widely recognized sorts of hosting: shared, VPS, devoted and cloud hosting. So you realize how to settle on the choice for yourself. 

1. Mutual Hosting – Best for Beginners 

Mutual hosting is actually what it seems like. With a mutual hosting account, your webpage is situated on a similar server as a lot of different websites. 

What number is a bundle? That truly relies upon your arrangement and hosting supplier. Be that as it may, it's normal for a site to live with hundreds and even a great many others. 

Experts 

The greatest favorable position of this choice is that you additionally share the expense of a server with numerous individuals. In the event that the hosting supplier can put a few hundred or thousand customers all on one server, it enables them to spread the working expense among numerous gatherings. 

That is likewise why shared hosting is the most moderate. You can have it for as modest as $2/month with the normal expense in the $5-$10/month extend. Extraordinary for individuals with restricted assets and those simply beginning. 

Besides that, with a common hosting account you are generally totally dealt with as far as arrangement. There is next to no to design so you can focus totally on structure your website. 

Cons 

Imparting the server to numerous gatherings, in any case, is additionally the greatest drawback of this plan. As referenced, a server is a PC with assets like hard drive space, CPU speed, and RAM. 

These assets are limited. Much the same as your PC backs off when you run such a large number of projects without a moment's delay, so do these machines when they have an excessive amount to do. 

Since all websites on a mutual host put a request on the server's assets, you can keep running into issues in the event that one of them is hoarding all the preparing power through expanded traffic or broken code. This leaves every other person to vie for the rest, prompting vacation (which means your website isn't reachable) or diminished stacking speed. 

It's a marvel called the "terrible neighbor impact" and one of the fundamental reasons shared hosting is the riskiest of the various kinds of web hosting. While numerous hosts effectively attempt to maintain a strategic distance from this situation, it's a hazard you take with this specific arrangement. All things considered if every customer is paying $5/month, is it extremely worth going through long periods of help on a solitary client? Not so much. 

Who is it for? 

So is shared hosting ever a smart thought? Truly! It very well may be extraordinary for lodging locales that don't get a ton of traffic (yet), static handout destinations, improvement and test locales, individual locales or different websites where uptime is certainly not immense trouble. 

Common hosting is additionally an extraordinary choice on the off chance that you are on an exceptionally limited spending plan. It enables organizations to make a web nearness regardless of whether they are not in the best position to do as such. Accordingly shared hosting is a critical apparatus for balance on the web. 

Probably the most outstanding hosts in this section are Bluehost, Siteground, and InMotion Hosting. 

2. VPS Hosting – Next-level Shared Hosting 

VPS represents Virtual Private Server. It is the most well-adjusted among the various sorts of web hosting. A VPS server is as yet a common situation, yet the manner in which it is set up is extremely different. 

While all destinations on VPS share one physical server, it houses various, separate virtual machines. This makes it kind of a center ground between shared hosting and getting your own devoted server. 

Experts 

VPS is significantly more dependable and stable than shared hosting. As a matter of first importance, it is typically constrained to 10-20 websites for every server. This declines the interest on the server in itself. 

In any case, the genuine improvement is that all assets are part equitably and no website is permitted to surpass its parcel. When you hit the point of confinement of what is appointed to you, your site may go down yet the others will stay stable. 

This is accomplished by means of virtual machines that make a division inside the server. This basic expansion mitigates the majority of the terrible neighbor impact. 

Another huge advantage of VPS servers is that they give greater adaptability and enable you to redo your condition. On shared hosts, this is unimaginable on the grounds that it would change every other person's arrangement too. Since your record is contained inside a virtual machine you can make changes without influencing others. 

Ultimately, VPS is versatile. Since you are running a virtual machine that takes some level of the assets accessible on the server, expanding what is accessible to you is no issue by any means. This is an extraordinary solace to entrepreneurs who anticipate that their destinations should develop and prosper. 

Cons 

There aren't such a large number of drawbacks for this sort of hosting. The greatest thing is, obviously, that it costs more than your lower-level arrangements. In this way, in the event that you are on a strict spending plan, you have to discover an answer that works for you financially. 

Be that as it may, while the normal VPS costs around $50/month (and can scale as far as possible up to $200) it is conceivable to get VPS from around $20/month. In addition, when you hit the higher echelons of this sort of web hosting, you are likely making enough cash to effortlessly take care of the expenses. 

A second thing about VPS hosting is that with more design control additionally comes greater duty. On the off chance that you don't have a clue what you are doing, it's conceivable to expel urgent documents or programming without knowing it. Thus, to truly exploit it, you have to get taught. 

Who Is It For? 

On the off chance that you have the cash, I prescribe you an update to VPS as quickly as time permits. While it's progressively costly, even the least level is normally significantly superior to anything any mutual hosting arrangement. 

At the most recent when you start getting not too bad measures of traffic should you make the move? In any case, make certain to check the subtleties of what you are getting (arrangement expenses, CPU control, memory, extra room, transmission capacity) so you know it's what you need. 

Some notable and regarded VPS arrangements are offered by inMotion Hosting and Dreamhost. 

3. Devoted Hosting – For the Big Leagues 

AS the name as of now recommends committed hosting essentially implies this: you have a server just for yourself. This gives a large group of advantages yet, in addition, accompanies many drawbacks. 

Professionals 

As a matter of first importance, one of the fundamental favorable circumstances of committed hosting is that it refutes all awful neighbor issues essentially in light of the fact that there are none. No other website can take your assets, represent a security hazard or cause different issues. This recognizes it from the various sorts of web hosting we have talked about previously. 

What's more, since you get a PC all alone, numerous organizations enable you to alter it broadly. You might most likely pick the OS, the sum and sort of memory and other equipment components. This gives you a great deal of adaptability. 

Cons 

Obviously, this sort of arrangement accompanies an expense. Leasing a committed server isn't modest. Costs start at $60/month and go as far as possible up to $350+/month. In any case, at the point that your business needs a devoted server, you ought to presumably have the option to bear the expenses. 

Notwithstanding that, you really need to know a considerable amount about PCs and server innovation. While there are overseen committed hosting arrangements regardless you'll have to do a ton all alone. 

On the extraordinary side of things, you could get a totally unmanaged administration where you would need to introduce the OS yourself, not to mention every one of the devices expected to run a web server, give security examining, malware evacuation, etc. Then again, you can likewise enlist a server administrator. In any case, that carries extra costs with it. 

Likewise, with a committed server, you are placing all your investments tied up on one place. On the off chance that its equipment comes up short, your site is out. In different courses of action, different modules can take over if there should be an occurrence of disappointment or be supplanted consequently. With devoted servers, particularly on the off chance that you are checking them yourself, this could take longer. 

Who is It For? 

Does anybody ever need committed hosting? That is far from being obviously true. In this day and age with cloud VPS getting on, the requirement for having your own server is declining. Without a doubt, it can take much a greater number of hits than a customary VPS, notwithstanding, as far as versatility it's not even close to anything a cloud-based framework could give (more on that beneath). 

Besides that, a top of the line VPS can be significantly less expensive than a low end devoted server and furthermore much progressively ground-breaking. Try not to be tricked into believing that devoted is a further developed alternative since you are the main individual on the server. Take a gander at the assets accessible to you rather, that is the main thing. 

Along these lines, among the various kinds of web hosting talked about here, this one is the most outlandish for you to require. The main multiple times I would state you unquestionably ought to go for a devoted server is on the off chance that you have profoundly concentrated needs as far as equipment or you need much more power over your information's security than anyplace else. 

The absolute best-committed hosts are LiquidWeb, GreenGeeks and PickaWeb. 

Web Hosting Services, Windows Web Hosting, Web Hosting Packages

[evilovesyou]

CHECK-IN TAG 💖

I was tagged by @dependsonwhospitching @whatagreatproblemtohave @louisxgolden and @holyshit

1. Why did you choose your url?

Uuhh.. Okay. So it was 2012. And I used to watch a lot of DailyGrace on YouTube? Grace Helbig? And also Dan and Phil and others who mentioned tumblr. But I think the reason I first made an account was to send a message to Grace. And since I, at 14 years old, had heard that people sent mean messages sometimes... I thought I would try to spread some nice ones instead. :)

2. Any side-blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them.

I have @wekilledanowlbear with a couple friends for D&D stuff. But we rarely use it.

Then I still have @ltstockholm2020 -- which. Tragic. Since I dropped out of the fan project group (they were all on twitter) and you know. It never happened.

And of course @1dcountryfest !!! Which I encourage you all to sign up for!

And I have @evihitpostlimit which is a separate account and does exactly what it says. I've only used it once so far. Back when I actually used to hit post limit regularly, I didn't have it yet. 🤡

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

Christ. Nine years?

4: Do you have a queue tag?

I used to have #eviqueuesyou but I gave up on that LOL. You will never know if I'm actually online or not!!

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I think I answered this in the first question LOL

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Ah, I used to have actual photos of me, but the purge kinda ruined that. And when I started posting art again, I decided that it was probably a good idea to use a drawing. And it has a pride sticker on it this month!

7. Why did you choose your header?

Another painting I did that I thought went well with the rest of my mobile design.

8. Whats your post with the most notes?

It takes ages to find out because this blog has like 115k posts LOL. It's this post about the Sam Pepper controversy from 2014. If we're going by original posts, it's this GIF from February 2020.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

Uh. Is there an actual way to check this? Does this website have a feature I don't know about?

10. How many followers do you have?

Around 1k. But after nine years who knows which ones are actually still active LOL

11. How many people do you follow?

541. I clear the inactives out from time to time, but I haven't in a while.

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

That's basically all I do. That's how I met my girlfriend. 💀

13. How often do you use tumblr a day?

Usually once in the morning and then once in the evening. Sometimes in-between if I'm bored or if someone sends me a link to something.

14. Did you once have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

I guess? It wasn't really an argument but I think I won? 😅

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog" posts?

Useless. Stupid. Makes me want to do the exact opposite.

16. Do you like tag games?

Yes!! But I've been terrible at keeping up. 🙈

17. Do you like ask games?

Yeah! Especially the writing ones! But honestly any of them are fun!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

A bunch... I'm not sure if I should actually tag people here? I'll just say a few names maybe. I think Gina, Hope, Britt, Gia, Lauren... A lot of the people who write fic? This is a weird question.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

MY GIRLFRIEND 😍😍

20. Tags?

@carebearlarrie @hazzabeeforlou @fallinglikethis @imbellarosa @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed @himynameiszayn @ddeerr @halosboat @herefortommo @oldbay-on-apples if you guys wanna play?

[supervidyavinay]

Ajit Dayal, Founder, Quantum Advisor, is back in circulation. Though he left Quantum Mutual Fund three years ago, Dayal continues to be the face of the fund house for its most loyal investors. Shivani Bazaz of ETMutualFunds.com caught up with Dayal to find out his thoughts on a wide range of issues from the current pandemic to the future of value investing. Edited interview.We spoke to you last when you were leaving Quantum Mutual Fund almost three years ago. How have you been? What keeps you busy these days?Barring trying to avoid COVID-19, I have been well – and busy. While the succession plan had been put in place prior to my resignation from the Boards of the Sponsor and Quantum AMC in August 2017, there was still a residual hand holding that took up some of my time in the following year. In October 2018, I was drawn back to help Quantum in the efforts that we had started on converting our Integrity screen in our investing process to a full-fledged ESG-integrated approach. We had started building teams in 2014 for ESG and I spent some time over the past year on ensuring this process was completed. So, I have retired in one sense – but I let the passion drive me and direct my involvement with Quantum Mutual Funds and the Sponsor. You still seem to travel a lot, especially abroad. Is there anything left of the India Story abroad?I spend my time travelling to educate people on the reality of India and asking them not to get caught up in undue optimism or pessimism. The BRIC fairy tale penned by Goldman, Sachs hurt India because it numbed Indian policy-makers into believing that India would rise to some Super Power status because some overpaid economists with little Indian knowledge mandated so on their spreadsheets! By the time of the Great Financial Swindle and the collapse of Lehman in September 2008, the India story was in danger because of the UPA government’s focus on growth at any cost – including questionable and possibly corrupt deals, as has been seen in many court verdicts. The Modi win in May 2014 was seen by many as a re-set and an opportunity for the realization of the Great India Dream. Sadly, the Modi government has proved and shown its inexperience and incompetence when dealing with economic matters. Their mastery over winning elections and toppling state governments is well established and proven. However, while that may allow a consolidation of social power and a dominance of religious beliefs – it does not feed the stomachs or the aspirations of the poor and the middle class. The disastrous demonetisation of November 2016, not only aborted the trajectory of an economy that was about to take off after a great kharif crop in 2016, but rolled back the clock on gains made by small businesses and farmers by adding to their debt levels due to a frozen, cashless economy. The GST is, in my view a fundamentally flawed policy authored by the Congress and, sadly, adopted by the BJP. Furthermore, the penchant for issuing one circular a week for two years to explain GST highlights the lack of understanding by the policy makers of the reality of business and also adds heft to my basic premise that GST is a flawed policy because it hurts the smaller companies and limits the flexibility of every state to create its own business plan. Given the distortions that exist in the reality and perception of India – either bullish or bearish – my travels will continue, subject to COVID!Indian economy was already passing through a very bad phase when the pandemic hit the country. How do you view the current situation?Clearly, the Demonetisation of 2016, the GST of 2017, the collapse of IL&FS of 2018 and the continued support by the political class of the real estate sector – which supports zombie ghost buildings and prevents markets from functioning - has led to a sharp slowdown in the Indian economy and a near-freeze of the banking system for over 2 years. The unexpected COVID has hit a death-blow to India from a social and economic perspective. Rather than stepping in to send the patient to the ICU, the central government is busy spending money on a new Parliament complex and, in Mumbai, the state and municipal government is spending 100x more on a coastal road being built for 50,000 cars rather than hospital beds which are needed for millions. The mutual fund industry got a Rs 50,000 crore bailout from the RBI within 48 hours of the Franklin Templeton debacle and has access to bank loans. The migrant workers are still finding and self-funding their way back to their villages and the Atmannirbhar is now a fancy word for a more blunt “you are on your own – the government has deserted you” state of mind. In a recent article I pointed out that less than 5% of companies may have cash to pay salaries for 6 months – by the time you add interest payments and other fixed costs, companies will not have the ability to survive this unnecessarily long lockdown. Basically, the lockdown was a failure of the central government to plan and the states that have done well are those with better local governments. Maharashtra and Gujarat were failed models and Karnataka and Kerala, to name a few, had successful plans. Multinationals looking to relocate to India will be haunted by the images of the migrant workers and of the bungling by certain states, including the failure of the Gujarat model and the confusion of the Maharashtra government. When an MNC is trying to de-risk its supply chain, it will not seek another risky host state!The government’s stimulus package seems to have disappointed almost everyone. How do you rate the government's efforts to revive the economy?The government remains clueless on policy. While its citizens are dying, it is worrying about fiscal deficits. The government has now evolved a class partition within migrants. The more successful migrants like fund managers get a bail out, some migrants may sit at home and raise thousands of crores in rights issues supported by government agencies and public money, the less successful get to walk 600 km to reach their villages and can audition for a TV series on Survival. Indian industrialists continue to give their standard “8 on 10” for every useless policy from any government. The only thing that will work now is a direct transfer of 4% of GDP or Rs 9 lakh crore - sending Rs 10,000 per month for 6 months to 150 million households in India. We need to rescue the largest and most distressed people in our society. The BJP government has done a fantastic job of accelerating the programmes started by the UPA: MNREGA and the Jan Dhan accounts. Now is the time to activate this facility and use it as a safety net for society. Keep in mind that 4% of GDP given to the poor will lead to consumption – that will boost the recovery of the economy, of society, and mitigate the human tragedy to some extent. Having LIC subscribe to a rights issue of Reliance or a Bharti does not help the economy – it helps those specific companies and their shareholders.The great Indian middle class is facing serious threat due to the Covid-19 pandemic. A lot of job cuts and pay cuts are threatening the very existence of the middle class. Will it further dent the consumption story?Since 2009, a sample of 180 listed companies sourced from Equitymaster had profits of Rs 29 trillion (Rs 29 lakh crore) and paid out 63% of that as dividends of Rs 18 trillion. If they had kept aside a 20% reserve pool – for bad times such as a drought year or a COVID pandemic – they would have had internal reserves to pay salaries for up to 4 months without seeking alms from the government. The certainty of the salary cheque for middle class and lower class India would have been a huge morale booster and allowed a quick recovery from urban India. In the 1980s I criticized corporate India for being inefficient and sleepy and helped import the concepts of financial discipline and efficiency that came along with the fund flows from foreign portfolio investors. Alas, today, we live in the era of companies focused on quarterly profits and maximizing shareholder value and suppressing their duty to look after the human capital that actually makes the company profitable. With the exception of the glorified CEO and senior managers who are paid too much money. An economy is only as strong as the depth and breadth of the middle class and aspiring lower classes. COVID has shown how we have little respect for this backbone of future prosperity.Even their investments are not in great shape. Debt mutual funds have completely betrayed the trust of investors. First, it was a series of downgrades and defaults, now a mutual fund just shut its debt schemes to tide over a difficult situation. Many mutual fund investors have started saying mutual funds sahi nahi hai. As an outspoken critic of the industry, what is your take on the industry?I could write – and probably should write – a book on how the mutual fund industry has become the prime example of a great idea gone wrong. Conceptually, the mutual fund is a great way for most people to invest their savings in the financial markets. Sadly, SEBI uses capital requirements as a filter to separate the crooked from the good. And look where we are. In 2005 investors were mis-sold the BRIC story and the damage to their portfolios after 2008, caused investors to shy away from mutual funds until Prime Minister Modi brought a renewed sense of vigour to the Indian economy. Though the economic promise was not delivered, the confidence and faith saw more inflows into mutual funds in the past 5 years than in the previous 22 years. All this means is that, sadly, the CEOs and Star Fund Managers of many mutual fund houses rubbed their hands in glee and sold more toxic products to gullible investors. Franklin Templeton is not the only fund house that took wild bets to earn more returns so that they could gather more assets. Look at the facts sheets of the top fund houses in January 2020 and see the games they were playing with investors’ money to gather more assets. It is scandalous and shameful. SEBI should cancel the licenses of these Asset Gathering fund houses. They have proven themselves to be unfit and improper to manage retail money. Let them use their PMS licenses to gamble with the more sophisticated or aware HNI money if they wish. Mutual fund is a sahi vehicle - but investors have to realise that many of these branded fund houses are cowboys shooting from the hip.Many equity mutual fund investors, including seasoned investors, are struggling to make sense of the stock market that is increasingly driven by excess global liquidity. You are lucky if your fund manager is adventurous enough to pay the extra high price for the stocks. How does a value investor like you see the situation?The foundation of my investment experience is built on the “value” style of investment as taught to me by Tom Hansberger, who was a partner of the legendary Sir John Templeton. Over the past 5 years, value has become less relevant as a style of investing. In the US, the technology stocks dominate market movements. In India 3 stocks (HDFC, HDFC Bank, Reliance) accounted for 66% of the gains in the BSE-30 Index between May 2014 till the market peak in January 2020. So it is a concentrated market movement. Knowing that “value investing” may fall out of favour in a changing world we had built the Quantum Equity Fund of Funds which captures styles from large cap to small cap to growth as a complementary to the Quantum Long Term Equity Value Fund. We have, for years, been suggesting that investors allocate their equity across styles by investing 80% in the other styles and 20% in the value style for a blended and smoother return. This formula has worked and I hope people did – and will – try it! The Value Fund was the first fund we launched because that is what we knew well – and then we built teams to identify and build solutions around other styles of investment and other asset classes. Today, with just 8 funds, you can use a building block Lego-style to create a financial solution to match your needs, keeping the Value fund as one portion of your allocation bucket.The underperformance of Quantum Long Term Equity Fund has been a cause of concern for many value investors. Do you think value investing has lost its relevance in the current market scenario? In fact, most value funds have been languishing at the bottom in the last few years. And many investors believe we are again going to see liquidity chasing a few select stocks. Please comment.Value as a style of investing is struggling – worldwide. I see that helping in the near term but the long term benefits of an allocation only to a value fund remains in doubt. After COVID, many companies will be in trouble as they may not have strong balance sheets. So the Value stocks should, generally, have more cash and less debt and have a better chance of survival. After that survival is known and when the economy picks up steam - maybe in the middle of 2021 - then the debate is whether the similar Top 3 stocks will account for 66% of the gains in the future. One needs to recognize that these styles of investment are all like pathways to the divine. There are varied levels of risk in a small cap, mid cap, growth or value approach but they seek the same objective: returns. Personally, I have a blended portfolio with the Equity Fund of Funds and the Value Fund and suggest that investors should consider that.Be sensible, be safe, and be diversified. This was the advice you had given to ETMutualFunds.com readers in the last interview. (Read: We have done all that we said we would do) Does the advice remain the same?Yes, the returns you seek is not an end in itself, made in isolation. The returns an investor seeks is an objective to achieve a future goal. No one has any idea which asset class will do well in a one, three or five year period. Therefore, you must have your safe money in liquid funds, your money for future needs in equity funds and your insurance in gold savings funds. Quantum MF has built these simple solutions methodically, brick by brick. My savings are housed there! from Economic Times https://ift.tt/3hAIvUa

[chatting-leaves]

Somebody From The Internet (4/?) - Something Extra, Yet Lacking

Potential TW: A slur, said in context of an antagonist.

September 15, 2011 - Washington, DC

To try to describe the beginning of this story is one that involves a whole spectrum of emotions, in fact the concept of a spectrum is one that defines this story. I awoke to orderly chaos as this was my last full day as an unmarried man, my then-fiance and I had a midday flight to Miami en route to our wedding, held aboard a docked cruise ship before departing for a weekend cruise to The Bahamas. It was an all-in-one solution of sorts for us, a cash-strapped couple given that for much of the last year I had been living off of unemployment and savings. My future in-laws, their second spouses and children, Dad, and my stepmom were joining us, my teenage future brothers-in-law a late addition while my Mom sat this trip out. While trying to stay calm in the rush of last minute packing and the inevitability of lugging a wedding gown through National Airport, I turned to Twitter for some relief. In this, I looked through the tweets of a mutual follower of my future wife and I and saw someone with an interesting name.

"Trisomy21Mommy". A clear declaration that this person was the mother of a child with what commonly is called Down Syndrome.

I grew up in an area where growing up the main employer was a since-closed institution for the disabled and between administrative offices, day centers, and group homes the care of the disabled is a bedrock of the local economy. My mom worked as a member of the local disabled care industrial complex, alternating between the institution and later day centers, and exposed me to those who were the beneficiaries of her work. In high school, my district became a magnet for special needs students from our and neighboring districts as we had a system of including those with differences stemming in part from a beloved teacher having a child with Down Syndrome. To be so public with your status as a special needs parent, at least in 2011, automatically won my respect. without much of a second thought. I immediately started a conversation with this person, relating my experiences on the matter and sharing my views on how the establishment of a formalized "Autism Spectrum" created issues as society had not equipped itself to deal with those on the spectrum as teenagers and adults. She listened and I then aired out my fears of having a child with severe special needs, that "the writers backstage" - a term I used to allude to a higher power - would put me in a position where "if I had to carry them and change [their diapers] for 20+ years, so be it." The conversation then went into direct messages and I found out who "Trisomy21Mommy" was.

The woman behind the handle was a named Carrie and resided in an edge city inside the "Golden Horseshoe" region of Ontario, a catch-all term used to graft areas adjacent to Greater Toronto into a mega-region. Carrie was a freelance writer in her mid thirties but the main focus of her life was her then five year old son, Nathan who as her name alluded to had Down Syndrome. Raising him alone aside from having an elderly parent living with her for the idea of some sort of help, Nathan was Carrie's main focus in life given the minefield of getting him services and special treatments, a process no doubt hurt by a medical mystery that happened about eighteen months earlier.

"One day, Nathan woke up to find that the speech he had gained, after much therapy and prompting was gone. Within the next few days, most of the motor skills he had gained also were gone. The doctors at [the local children's hospital] came back with an additional diagnosis of autism and no timeline on if he ever would regain what he lost."

Part of me saw this person as living the nightmare that I had dreaded, that if my soon-to-be-married self was to have kids, that I might have this to look forward to. The other part of me had some suspicion that something else might be in play, that such a cognitive regression usually doesn't hold off until one was four years old. While I continued our conversation while on the flight to Miami and during a period that night where the hard motel bed gave me little ability to sleep, I put her behind me for what was to be one of the happiest weekends of my life. 

After a weekend soaked in sunshine and alcohol, where I swam with dolphins, spent time with my new family, and had all-around fun, it was time to return stateside and make the trek home. No later than as our car pulled out of the economy parking lot at National Airport, I got a message from Carrie.

"I had a dream about you last night. Maybe you should be with me instead, Nathan can really use a daddy and you sound like you really want to be in Canada."

My jaw flat out dropped. I was brazenly being hit on for totally altruistic reasons by a woman I knew for four days who knew I had just gotten married. While I had spoken highly about Canada and its more egalitarian way of life in our prior conversations, I didn't know how to handle something that escalated so fast.

"If only this was two years ago :-P. Seriously, don't do this again." was the best I could muster. Needless to say, this was the last time she hit on me in such a manner but it was still a shock though she soon opened up about why she'd do such a thing. After spending most of her twenties traveling the world, Carrie decided to settle down with a man she had not known well with the aim of a large family. After two miscarriages, she had a viable child, that being Nathan. Needless to say, her "sperm donor" as she referred to did not want any part in a child that was "crippled" and "retarded", the latter term coming right as that word went from medical term to slur. He soon separated from her to live with his parents and when Nathan was eighteen months old abandoned his wife and child, clearing out their joint bank accounts in the process. The fallout left Carrie penniless and forced her to move in with her living parent while living off the safety net of the province as Nathan's needs and therapies made finding work problematic. At least Nathan had gotten into a kindergarten at a school well equipped for students with disabilities and Carrie at least got some respite from having a life totally centred on her son.

"Last I heard, the Sperm Donor was living somewhere up north. A friend of his wrote to me a couple weeks ago telling me that he has a "real" wife and "normal" kids and has no need for a...I can't say that word, it's so hurtful. He isn't...that," Carrie summarized up the status of a man that she was still legally married to as his status in hiding, under an assumed name, made termination of their marriage impossible. At this point, I began to look at things with some suspicion seeing how almost robotic this whole situation seemed.

In time, Carrie became a good friend as she was the sort of person who would vent to anyone about anything, that any sympathetic ear would do given that her interaction with people outside a parent slowly going into dementia and a son unable to speak was quite limited. She had a lot to say, however she often had an awkward means of saying it and a very simplistic view of getting things done.

"Why do you want to move out to Boston?," she once questioned me when I was openly going on about my wife's wishes to move closer to her family. "You should move up here, Canada is just a better place than the US is since all I hear on the news is about how bad and cruel the US is."

"I don't think immigration works that way. We'd need $10,000 to start and a job offer and my wife is the one more likely to get a job offer," I said knowing that her experience in bioethics and such would put us over the line for points in the CIC's grading system for immigrants.

"I wish I could take you guys in. You Americans really are like abused dogs," Carrie would reply. "Hell, I wish I could make my apartment a shelter for Americans wanting out of their shitty nation." This from a woman that had not been to the US in about a decade, since before she got married even, and whose passport was about to lapse. "If you moved here, you would be able to sponsor her family to join you."

"I think most of them would be disqualified based on age, lack of experience, or due to health issues," I rebutted. While they have since been relaxed, at the time Canada had health controls that would zonk even people who were otherwise golden from moving; another online friend of this time period had to refuse a highly specialized job in Vancouver due to - coincidentally - an autism diagnosis as a child that they had overcome. A firm lost what would've been a great LGTBQ lawyer because of legacy stereotypes written decades earlier.

"Well, that shouldn't be an issue. Just a couple of weeks ago these people moved into my building from Hong Kong and they had the flu and legacy issues from SARS," Carrie responded, blind to the realities of the bureaucracy that Toronto and Ottawa put on her idealistic wishes. Her idealism, her almost blind nationalism to Canada as a nation even, seemed to be a bit of a mask for how things failed her as she soon took to the internet with the story of what really went on with Nathan's birth or at least what she thought happened. Via an anonymous Tumblr blog, she assailed the hospital where he was born for openly downplaying a telltale sign of Down Syndrome that was found during her twenty week checkup, leaving her to believe that she was carrying a healthy baby until when she delivered and her child was whisked away to the NICU for tests. By her own claim, she wasn't told of his diagnosis until two days after he was born and she didn't get to see him until his third day of life. "If I knew this was going to happen, I might have gotten an abortion and have tried again," Carrie summed up, a stark contrast to her railing against the selective abortion of fetuses found to have disorders in utero.

This story, and the general failure and neglect that led to it, led me to want to change my professional course. My caring, yet very rash and desperate, mind decided that what the world needed was counseling for parents and siblings facing a child that was disabled, someone for them to steer them down the right path and even act as a sympathetic ear. While this had been peppered via life experiences and assorted articles, what Carrie endured as a result of Nathan's life was the last straw in not doing anything. I eventually enrolled in an online Masters program, but found as I went on that my idealism was nowhere near reality in terms of making anything work and walked away from what I wanted to do because frankly society had little idea in how to handle it.

As time went on, Carrie's life story got more and more complicated as it was clear that she needed an identity outside of being a self-proclaimed "special needs momma". She tried to get into advocacy, but her ability to travel was hampered by an ailment that left her "medically unable to drive" and dependent on the kind gestures of others more than her testing the bounds of her own independence. She briefly returned to the dating world, exclaiming to me as I was in the middle of my move that she found "someone": a woman, even though she had exhibited zero signs of bisexuality beforehand.

"Given my luck with men, why not?," Carrie exclaimed. True to form with Carrie, the relationship turned out to be an online infatuation that was done after a mere two days, she then pressed on further in life. Being shoved aside was an action that Carrie was no stranger to, between her strained relationship with her siblings for having a "handicapped" child to being estranged by her husband to even losing most of her friendships in the wake of Nathan's birth, real life relationships supplanted by the support web of assorted Down Syndrome and autism parents populating assorted corners of the internet. I gave the emotional support that I could, but sometimes something seemed to be a bit off, as if nothing logically added up. The backstory of Nathan's early years, Carrie's life before Nathan's birth, even how Carrie's life was truly sustainable between her limitations and her son's needs making any typical job an obstacle to obtain.

In time, Carrie's parent that had been living with her declined to the point that they were admitted into a care facility, funded in part I would think by her relatively well-off siblings. While this freed Carrie of the second burden of her life, it also created a problem as the governmental Pension Plan checks she had gotten as well as other subsidies were allowing them to live where they were. As if on cue, Carrie fell for a man who lived in a town on the shores of a nearby Great Lake, a man a little older than she who had two children from a prior marriage whom he had primary custody of. She needed a chance to love again, his kids needed a mother figure, Nathan needed a father figure, the whole thing on paper made a ton of sense.

The relationship lasted about two years, the potential step-children didn't warm up to Carrie as an additional mother figure, and in time this man grew tired of Carrie and the way she came off to him. While they broke up in late winter, he did let her stay until that summer so she could let Nathan (by this point age 9) finish the school year as he had made leaps and bounds in his growth, speaking his first words since the loss of his language five years earlier and regaining the last of the motor skills he had lost in his regression. By some good luck, Carrie and Nathan, now once again alone, moved into an apartment in the same town so he would not have to once again change schools.

By the time of the breakup, I mentally started to check out of the friendship because of how repetitive things had gotten. Carrie constantly second guessing her parenting of Nathan, that her circumstances weren't getting him the best care available as the latest treatments and therapies and even things such as one-on-one helpers and respite care were out of her, and the province's, reach. Things that even her American friends, amongst their flawed and fraying educational and healthcare systems, often took for granted, yet Carrie would rarely let a chance pass to be pitying of Americans and to pound her chest about the Canadian way of doing things being vastly superior. Add in some obsessions of the moment, most infamously a period where she fangirled over the TV series Supernatural and cited it as a reason that Nathan regained some of his speech, and it became repetitive. I love people, I care about people, but it just felt like she was stuck in a cycle and she didn't want to get out of it.

Just in time for this, it was discovered that Nathan had a bone disorder that was prone to fractures. At one point, Nathan had both arms in a cast for weeks after both had severe fractures. Once those bones healed, he ended having fractures occur in both of his knees and ended up spending a summer in hospital in a cast having them heal before ending up using a wheelchair for what turned out to be a couple of years. During this period, they moved into a rented house that was accessible as a replacement for the second floor apartment they had been living in. It was also during this period, to compensate for the increased lifting of Nathan around the house that Carrie took up a new hobby, weightlifting to increase her strength. It was around this time that we reconnected, she having rededicated what social media she was still on to her goal to become a champion weightlifter while my wife and I went on a weight loss journey. 

The definite end of my friendship with Carrie came via one of the most bizarre ways a friendship could end. In Nathan's younger years, Carrie was the sort of parent who would go on and on about the years-long struggle of toilet training her son, an often Herculean task given his cognitive and communication disorders. Considering his long road learning to regain use of his legs after a complex corrective surgery, I had a mere question to ask.

"How does he communicate how to go to the bathroom given his speech and mobility difficulties?" I remember that when he was in a cast that his training was put on pause given his bedridden state so logically I assumed that he still wasn't at first.

Somehow, this turned into an over-detailed message thread on Instagram that went fifteen messages of stupidly curious, potentially borderline pandering, questions when an easy "actually, this whole thing got him out of diapers for once and for all, here's how" would have easily sufficed. This interaction ended up being her cue to exit a friendship that had long run its course, a friendship that I was too reluctant to leave given that I usually am not the sort of person to do so. Soon I found myself blocked on said venue, a whimper of an end to a friendship that was roaring. Bizarrely enough, Carrie didn't block me on any other form of media we were still friends on, she is still mutuals on the side account that I have for weight loss which I sparingly use anymore.

Truth be told, as much as I take the full blame for getting blocked, not having her around has given me the hindsight to realize some harsh truth. While Carrie is a remarkable and strong, emotionally and physically, woman, something about her and I just didn't mix right even in spite of years of friendship. Maybe it's that she tapped into my "Ugly American" side that is harshly critical of my nation of origin, maybe it was the fact that my empathy is so automatic that I felt bad for her and Nathan. The more time passes, the more I seriously wonder what truly motivated me in this friendship. Was I better for knowing her? Of course. Am I happier with her no longer around? Probably.

If anything comes out of this, I feel bad for Nathan in all this. While Carrie has all the reason to keep him out of a group home for as long as possible, the two are truly a package deal at this point, I wonder what will happen years down the road if something happens to Carrie. This doesn't even include the fact that he's a teenage boy with no father figure and little male interaction outside of school, while women do make strong men it still saddens me that he isn't getting the attention he needs. While his fate is much better now than in the past, I do wonder how the future will treat him given his complex needs. I hope they both find peace in the future.

[lashandrahcanatoliamp43insu-blog]

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