#i have no idea how the fuck im gonna do that. most likely all nighter tonight if i end up watching all of double or nothing idk

[the-kipsabian]

im gonna take a break and get dinner but gifs will resume at some point i still have bits from this one that i need to cover lol

[prisonhannibal]

hi, im so sorry if im stepping the line here but i need i little guidance, sorry if its to personal and of course you dont have to answer but what does bipolar feels like? i know is a personal and different experience for everyone but could you give an example, im really trying to understand the different ways it could present

again im sorry if im being an asshole asking this

it’s okay, I’m comfortable talking about it. I think it’s important to talk about how it can actually feel for someone who deals with it, and not just the diagnostic criteria, since bipolar disorder is a very misunderstood disorder, so I don’t mind.

A lot of people think it means you’re either really happy or really sad, but I think Carrie Fisher described it better when she explained it to a kid as a brain condition that makes you go very fast or very sad.

It’s hard to compare the feeling to anything, but the closest thing I can think of is when I didn’t gradually increase the dose after taking a tolerance break for my adhd medication and got pretty high. I get this feeling of having a motor inside of my chest, it feels like anxiety but in a good way, it’s a very weird feeling. it really is like going fast, and I have an intense energy inside of me that feels like I’m gonna explode unless I pace around or do something. It just makes everything feel so urgent, so all decisions happen fast, I can’t shut up because I need to get every single thought out. I often feel like I’m normal and the rest of the world is too slow, so I get impatient and frustrated. I get very creative, so I’ll sit down and work on something for 12+ hours, go to bed, and then the second I go to bed have another idea, get out of bed, draw, go back to bed, have another idea, etc etc etc all night. and I HAVE to get out of bed, not doing it would make me explode.

Everything feels so urgent and time sensitive. I’ll think of wanting a book at 2am, and decide to stay awake until the bookstore opens and go there immediately instead of just sleep and do it tomorrow. Most impulsive decisions are like…goal focused. So I rarely buy a sweater, but I’ll buy several sweaters because i’m “changing my style” or five textbooks because i’ve decided to learn a new language. or every single supply I can think of for a hobby i’ve never tried before. Or a 150$ electric toothbrush because tooth health is an investment!! I NEED all this yarn because I’m gonna knit three sweaters. It’s either that, or it’s literally just for fun right NOW. so that’s stuff like buying several rounds of shots for all my coworkers etc. I did that recently.

last year I was studying for a very important exam so I pulled an all-nighter and ended up not studying because I was pacing back and forth in my room switching between two different languages (it wasn’t a language exam) on duolingo, reading a self help book while still pacing around, drawing, and ordering five self help books. I never read any of them. I then intentionally failed the exam because if I did I could redo it, so I showed up there on no sleep, and sat there counting to a thousand in my head and restarting while staring straight ahead and imagining songs until I could leave. I then did my second exam without studying because “I’m a genius” and thought I did amazingly and then got the results back as a 2 out of 6.

It kinda fucks with my senses, like everything is turned up to 300% and I can’t stop feeling how my eyes are moving and noticing how everything is made up of angles and seeing how i’d draw the 2 point perspective grid if I was gonna draw the room I’m in. It makes me feel like I’m actually going insane because everything is just slightly twisted and I’m too aware of it and how I and the world aren’t at the same speed.

Like you said, depends on the person, but it can also vary a lot between each episode. Euphoria is a big part of my hypomania, but I wouldn’t describe hypomania or mania as happy, I think “fast” is a better word for it. It doesn’t always feel good either. Sometimes it feels really fucking horrible. one of my episodes was straight up the worst experience i’ve had in my life and had me hospitalized with an “acute anxious breakdown” and diagnosed with a mixed anxiety disorder (generalized anxiety+ocd+panic disorder) and delusions even though I had never had a panic attack before and I haven’t since. it was basically a 2 month long panic attack with psychosis.

TL:DR: It feels like being high on stimulants, myself turned up to 300%, the volume and intensity of the entire world got turned up too high, having a mental breakdown but in a good way, everything is wrong but I’m having fun. It feels like everything is really urgent and it has to be now now now now you have to GO you can’t stop yourself you can never stop moving

[starlight-writes-stuff]

Can I request how the feral boys would ask you/ what they would do for your first time sleeping over as their girlfriend? That sounds weird but I hope you know what I mean lol. I love your writing by the way!

hi friend , and thank u ! i appreciate it <3 this is a super cute idea and i had a lot of fun writing it ,,,,, im so soft for them i can't . xoxoxoxoxo , starlight

AYO LOOK AT THESE : the smallest bit of smut but overall fluff ! soft feral boys content , come get yall juice

reblogs are always appreciated !!! <3

dream

wouldn’t be planned tbh , you’d been at his place all day and you’re both too tired to drive

you’d start to call an uber and clay would turn your phone over

“you could… stay here, if you want?”

it was a no brainer

of course you’d stay with him

clay would be so excited , smiling through his sleepy haze

he’d finally get up from his computer just to shower you with kisses all over your face

he’d tackle you back onto his bed , his soft , silly kisses turning into lingering, hard kisses

all teeth and tongue and his hands all over you

he’d get one of his legs between yours, shuddering at the way you’d whine into his mouth

his hands would make their way down to your hips

he’d grind your hips down on him , your sleepiness only making you more sensitive

you bet your ass that he’d make you cum just from grinding on his thigh

he lives in a constant state of horny™ even when he’s tired

clay would be so cocky at how he’d made you finish , doing virtually nothing

but he would go so soft at the way you were exhausted after that , yawning and rubbing your eyes

‘baby’ , ‘love’ , ‘pretty girl’

so affectionate 

you could’ve fallen asleep just like that but clay makes you get up and change

“baby , you don't want to sleep in your clothes” 

“sleep in mine instead”

you would just grumble back at him until he would physically lift you out of bed

clay would help you out of your clothes 

he’d put you in his sweats and a giant dream hoodie

just incase sap walked in for some reason

doesn't want him seeing any of the goods™

he’d carry you to the bathroom and find an extra toothbrush

clay would absolutely try to talk to you while brushing his teeth and the two of you would laugh s o hard at each other trying to talk with mouths full of toothpaste

again , he would pick you up and carry you back to his bed , shutting the door behind the two of you

“don't you want to say goodnight to sap?” “no :)”

the two of you would fall onto his bed and be asleep within 10 minutes , completely tangled in each other

he talks in his sleep

but you snore

so its even

☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁

george

soft george my beloved

he’d probably plan your guys first ‘sleepover’

he would want to make it special , and definitely do something memorable

george would bring it up to you like a week before

he’d practically invite you like it was a birthday party :,)

i can't

he’d make reservations for a nice dinner before and get all dressed up

george would pick you up and hold your hand on the console

he’d open all the doors for you 

he'd pull out your c h a i r

yall would definitely be cracking jokes all throughout dinner in the middle of this fancy restaurant

george would ABSOLUTELY knock his silverware off the table at some point

you would have to fight to not spit your drink out , laughing so hard

he’d skip on desert at the restaurant and take you to dairy queen or something

it would be the two of you in your fancy attire , sitting outside some tiny ice cream parlor

looking at eachother like you were the only two people on earth

yall are in L O V E 

once you two got home george would carry your overnight bag in 

he would change immediately 

bc he h8’s fancy clothes 

but wanted to dress up for you 

after you guys changed into pajamas , you’d stay up talking for hours

he’d tell you stories of him and all the feral boys

you’d tell him stupid things you did as a kid

the two of you would want to make the most of the extended time you had together and stay up until like 2 in the morning

george’s voice would get all low and raspy from talking for so long

you’d fall asleep on the couch together when you physically couldn’t hold your eyes open anymore

george would wake up when the sun started shining through the blinds

he would carry you up to his bed 

then promptly fall back asleep with you in his arms

☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁

sapnap 

snapmap my love .

this man doesn’t plan shi t

it would be very spur of the moment , the two of you laughing at some joke that he made when he’d grab your hand suddenly v serious

“will you sleep with me tonight?”

he’d look so earnest while asking that and you would BURST into laughter

it would take nick a hot sec to realise what he’d said and once he did . he would simply . disintegrate .

he would be so dramatic about it too

“i was trying to be romantic ! stop laughing at me !”

and you would just sit there , laughing so hard that you couldn’t produce noise anymore , just silent wheezes

you would start to cry and nick would pOUT

you would just nod , literally unable to produce words

but sap would brighten up at that

“so you’ll stay the night?”

once you got control of yourself , the two of you continued on doing what you were doing

it was like a normal day other than the fact that it ,,,, wouldn’t end

you two watched movies and played minecraft all day , being lazy together

you’d doordash dinner or order pizza or something so you didn’t have to leave the house

he’d have to stream and you would just chill , eating pizza in bed

once it became apparent that the stream was gonna last longer than planned , you would quietly come up behind him and drop a kiss on his cheek

he’d grin at you but be confused ???

you’d text him so your voice wouldn’t pop up on stream

‘gonna take a shower / keep myself busy’

he’d text back a single ‘👍🏼’

sapnap texts like a dad and NO ONE can tell me otherwise

you’d shower and get dressed , then wander down to the kitchen trying to find something to do

scavenger hunt™ for cookie ingredients

you’d bake his favorite and surprise him with a warm cookie im s o f t

the SMILE that would cross his face my god

he would feel so loved

he’d mute stream to thank you, putting his hands around your waist and burying his face into your stomach

you k n o w he’d find some way to end stream early after that , wanting to be with you

the two of you would finish off all the cookies , watching scary movies together

he’d hold you when you jump at all the spooky shit

you’d do the same for him bc sap is baby

chat . i'm kinda scared . lowkey .

you were both half asleep by the time you made your way back up to his room

you’d be lights out the minute your head hit the pillows 

and he’d be big spoon

☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁

karl

karl would probably ask you that day , texting you before you’d even come over to ask if you would stay the night

you two had technically slept over before , but never at karl’s place (usually pulling all nighters with the feral boys on stream or with the beast crew)

you can not tell me . that karl . would not build a fort . with you .

and he would 100% go all out with it

he’d get lights to string up on the inside (the twinkle ones for sure)

he would get a fuckton of pillows and the softest blankets he can find and pile them in

karl would essentially make a nest for the two of you

you’d spend the first hour alone sharing soft kisses and cuddling so close that you weren't sure where you ended and karl began

he’d hold you , letting you lay on his chest and listen to his heartbeat

you’d talk about everything and nothing at all , just wanting to hear each other’s voices

until someone’s stomach growled

he’d laugh until he couldn't breathe 

you had tears rolling down your face , your stomach hurting from the giggles 

he’d either take you to get food before or doordash your favorite

because neither of you can cook blESS

you’d pick out cute , matching pajamas for your first official night together

but

he’d end up giving you his clothes to sleep in 

because he likes you wearing his stuff 

and it's more comfortable than your fancy pajamas

he’d cover his eyes and face a blanket/wall while you were changing

the only time either of you would leave the fort would be for more snacks or to go to the bathroom

karl would bring his laptop in and turn in a movie as you two were settling in for the night 

(some super dumb kids movie) 

(my brain immediately went to the lorax) 

(i’ll see myself out)

and he’d stay awake until you fell asleep, your face buried into his t-shirt

it made his heart so full that you felt safe enough to fall asleep with him

he’d play with your hair and trace over your features as soft as possible

because you're just so beautiful when you’re asleep ??

karl murmurs how much he loves you , everything that he loves about you while he knows you can't hear it

he’d drift off with you still in his arms, his lips pressed to the top of your head in a sweet, gentle kiss

and the two of you would stay like that the entire night , keeping each other warm

im so soft for him

can u tell

karl jacobs my love

☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁

quackity

listen

everyone writes big q as a stupid dumb dummy

and while he can be that at some times

this man would be so fucking thoughtful ??? when it came to his girl ?????

you literally can't tell me otherwise .

much like gogy he would plan something special

but like

he can COOK yall

he’d make you a nice ass dinner

and set up a picnic in the backyard 

he’d light candles and make it all fancy

literally it would be a scene out of a movie

once you finished eating dinner the two of you would watch the sunset

he’d play guitar and sING FOR YOU

you’d stay outside soaking in the heat even after the sun had gone down

stargazing for as long as you could

alex would put his arm around you and have you lay on his chest

you’d listen to his heartbeat while you pointed out the big dipper

he’d make up his own constellations aljidhkuvgfhadj

you two would only go inside because you were being eaten alive by mosquitos

one of you would play music off your phone and yall would slow dance in the kitchen

he would repeatedly tell you how much he loved you , pressing tender kisses to your neck , your jaw

until a fucking ad would play

and alex would just lose his shit

he would laugh so hard he’d ipad kid cough

then you would simply ascend

the two of you would be laying on the kitchen floor absolutely D Y I N G of laughter

you’d stay there for a while , trying to recover

by the time you did , your ribs were sore from all the giggles

alex would pick you up and throw you over his shoulder , walking you up to bed

he’d suplex you onto the mattress

the two of you are children around each other tbh

that would lead to a wrestling match

until you’d found your way onto his lap , pinning him by his wrists

w h e w

the way that man would kiss you after that ? bye im gone

lets just say by the time he was finished you would both be exhausted

he’d tell you how pretty you were , how good you did

the two of you would fall asleep with tangled limbs , half kissing

[pumpkinsy0]

cough cough @sophie-i-guess13 wanted purly pulling an all nighter bc curlys handwriting could use work and he has an essay due so uhhh 🦭

•curly would pay pony to do this, cause he already knows its gonna b a mess

•and hes not wrong, it is

•lets say curly actually had a good idea for this essay and didnt want that idea to just go to waste so he wrote the essay

•like @/sophie-i-guess13 said, curly does have a lot of good ideas, and curlys ego grows WAYYY too much when pony says it

•so @/sophie-i-guess13 also says that curly would have his head on ponys lap while pony rewrites his essay annddddd

•to get this out the way, he bites ponys thigh, thats how he shows affection <3333

•but thats also how u get pony to fuck up his writing

•there r so many scribbles on the damn paper bc curly bit pony and curlys teeth is a bit sharp

•moving along, curly brought snacks🤝🤝

•ponys helping to actually write his essay, the less he could do is bring snacks

•usually its moments of silence between them interrupted by one of curlys 3 am dark questions

•also curlys humming a lot

•pony actually writing the essay would only take like and hour and thirty minutes, but with curly shepard ur ass is getting off track a lot

•cause yknow ponys read a lot of books n so would have a good idea as to what a good plot is

•theyve made this agreement that if they see the other one drifting off to sleep, the other has to slap or pinch them awake

•dont worry its not like a “im gonna slap u so hard ur ancestors r gonna feel it” hard slap like a “get ur shit together” slap

•but it is quite funny to hear pony shriek from curly pinching the underside of his arm and see curly fall off where ever hes laying down on from pony slapping his cheek

•words cant explain how many times darrys ran in bc he heard someone scream only to see them giggling their asses off like their high

•speaking of high, sometimes they do get high while they r doing this

•well curly does most of the time, pony only gets high after hes done, but on l rare occasions he does get high while writing, im sorry but purly getting high together is a good concept i will not apologize

[yievie]

whew! what’s up everyone! my name is crissy and yes, i am the clown who sent my account ask on anonymous last night. luv that for me! I GOT A COOL FAMILY ICON IM CRYING!!! now this is yi eun hye, better known as evelyn yi or evie, paging dr. sexy md don’t call her that though, she’ll kill you omg the second eldest princess of the four neglected korean princess sisters aka the mom friend sister or the buzzkill responsible sister. 

~`click anywhere here for a link to my app ~

under the cut i’m gonna throw some important personality and background stuff along with maybe? half-formed plot ideas? if not i’ll make a follow up post later, but pls like this plot if you wish to plot, i’ll try to come bother u. my ims are open hmu anytime (also bc im anxious af to b first message bc im BABY) and I ALSO have a discord located at quarantine queen#2918 where i’m usually v v v active. (lmk if u cant add me shoot me a message on here and ill fix it) ok imma shut up here is cranky daughter! ITS LONG SRRY

( pS: also if my blog is too hard to read just stick /mobile on the end of the url xx )

background 

the empress and emperor of korea had 5 kids, 4 daughters, 1 pampered son and evie was the second oldest daughter after dianna but like, she’s bossy and high strung and acts like the oldest anywayS so it doesn’t matter!

woo! however, korean tradition is rooted deeply in patriarchy and other backwards thinking,  >:(((( so evie’s parents basically pretended like their son was the only kid they had and sent evie and her 3 sisters off to swedish boarding school to ROT as they each turned 10 and forgot abt them while they groomed their son for the throne! thx mom n dad! luv u too! sdjlaksjd

during her time at boarding school evie was expected to not learn much of anything, not do anything spectacular, she wasn’t expected very good grades or to be smart or successful or anything bc that was Men’s Work and so evie did . . . THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

evie EXCELLED in school, straight a’s, top of her class, honors, ap valedictorian, which meant all nighters, nose bleeds at 2am from studying too hard, looking dead walking through the hallways, eating ramen 25/8, falling asleep w her face in her textbooks, getting bullied a lot for being a nerd and Not looking like her sisters and like...the creature from the black lagoon.

her parents, understandably, were not very happy with this but it wasn’t until she wanted to go to medical school that her parents were like FURIOUS. to them, women, esp the princesses, were only supposed to get married, have kids, THAT WAS IT. so evie wanting to be a doctor enraged them. STAY MAD!

they tried to have her engaged SO. MANY. TIMES. but she has a really repellent personality, she’s very kat stratford from 10 things i hate about you. and is rude and states her very liberal very socialist opinions often, dresses sloppy and hurts mens feelings a lot just for fun so they all went rUNNING from those match appointments! her parents literally are losing their minds they don’t know what to do w her theyre like god why did we give birth to the aNTICHRIST!?!?!?

not wanting anything to do with her parents, evie got into college and medical student on scholarship based on her own merit and skill. evie went to the seoul national university for 4 years then did a 2 year residency at the country’s top hospital, becoming one of the best on call heart surgeons there.

the korean media likes to clown on her A LOT! bc shes scary and angry and cares very little abt her appreance is A DOCTOR and not a princess really for the opposite reason they clown on dianna but evie does not really care she doesn’t care abt impressing people, just saving lives and proving people wrong. finger guns

but yes! thats what u missed on glee. evie was a heart surgeon in korea before being shipped off to thailand! shes v salty by the way ... even more than usual.

fun facts?

evie wears massive grandma glasses to see bc shes BLIND when shes in line with her sister people do not think she’s related and are like “OMG OMG THE PRINCESSES!!! BUY WHATEVER U WANT ON THE HOUSE I--oh? maam? uh? can we help u, ahjumma?” HELP

very dry, mean, will call you out on ur shit and hurt ur feelings probably. doesn’t really know how to Chill or have fun, stays out of drama and parties for the most part literally that old man that tells u to get off their lawn

LOVES HER SISTERS!!!! LOVES THEM!!! moms them and nags the FUCK out of them tho abt everything. wear a sweater its cold, drink water, dONT DO THAT GET DOWN FROM THERE, i told u to eat before u drank all that soju pabo!!!! skhaslkfh BUT SHE LOVES THEM VERY MUCH HER WOOOORLD the only people shes kind of nice to

as stated, has tried to been matched up before but has basically scared away all her matches by being A Lot and not polite or dainty and burping probably

her mom calls her all the time to talk abt how shes having a heart attack bc her second daughter is an unmarried, childless, spinster with a cat who is embarrassing her by being a doctor and being loud and obnoxious and outspoken against the royal heirarchy and right wing politics. evie just puts her on mute and lets her keeping yelling at no one for the next hour

loves beer, loves fried chicken, very unladylike, wears oversized sweaters and her hair messy and watches love island australia and the bachelor just to make fun of the people being in love and stupid i think secretly she kind of wants it but...thinks shes unlovable and will die before she says that shh

bisexual legend! cue mr and mrs yi screaming somewhere

not that it matters bc she cares little abt romance and sex and always put work and school before everything so everything touchy like that she either ends abruptly or stays the hell away from

never parties or goes out but when she does get really drunk gets very cute and touchy and happy there is one video on the internet of her like on a table ashdkh yikes 

is soft deep down just like *shrek voice* donkey, orges are like onions they have layers and u gotta get past a lot of them for her to get past her level 4 tragic backstory and into the soft, vulnerable part of her personality its nice i promise she is SQUISHY

weird plots???

best friend? im sure she has one somewhere. or friends at all? people who arent scared of her who shes nice to....mostly

enemies woo! hate her its very easy to hate her so do it

u want to do a daredevil thing like when matt shows up bleeding and dying or after a fight or something and she patches u up

just anyone need a doctor bc paging dr sexy md~

past loves? boyfriend? girlfriend? weird flings? weird tension unresolved stuff WOOO

ANYONE who broke her heart for the angst and drama

hit on her itll b funny

anyone who she was previously matched w who she scared off

someone shes currently trying to be matched or betrothed to GOOD LUCK

someone she has a crush on YIKES or vice versa

any of the college kids need a tutor? 

roommates? 

ANYTHING PLS HMU <333

[violetsandloveletters]

Has anyone ever made fun of your taste in music? No because my music taste is SO varied.

What’s your favourite season of the year? I’m gonna go with Autumn.

Do you have pop-tarts in your house right now? No, we don’t have those things!

Is anyone’s birthday coming up? D’s on Saturday...

Does someone owe you over twenty dollars? I owe noone nothing.

Do you remember who you liked in grade eight? No haha.

When was the last time you burned any part of your body? My mouth today or yesterday on food, I don’ remember because all my days have blurred into one since being ill.

Have you ever overflown a bathtub? I don’t actually think so.

Are you dressing up for Halloween this year? I doubt it.

Have you ever called somebody dollface? Ew absolutely not.

If I gave you ten dollars, what would you spend it on? I’d say a Mcdonalds but I feel like shit so not that, i’d probably be boring & save it for something.

Have you ever thrown food at a stranger in a movie theater? No.

What are you most excited about right now? I have literally nothing to look forward too... Though I would say my brother gets his GCSE results next week so finding out those.

Does / did either of your parents serve in the military? Nah.

Are you somewhat of a perfectionist? Yeah for sure.

Do you like sour candy? Yeah I love! Especially Haribo Tangfastics.

Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Hawaii.

Do you have Verizon? No?.

What do you do to stay awake when you’re tired? If i’m tired, I sleep.

Are all nighters something you have grown used to? I couldn’t now if I tried haha.

Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? Don’t drive, but yeah when i’m a passenger.

Do you wear your shoes around the house? Hell no, wherever I am, my shoes come off!

Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers? Summer!

What clothes are you most comfortable in? A comfy tee/giant hoodie & whatever knickers im wearing.

Is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? My best mate Tash.

What has changed most about you in the past year? My home life & my health neither in a good way.

Are you good at painting nails? Yeah.

Smoothies or slushies? Oh I like both.

Are you good at filling silence in awkward situations? Nah, I just switch off.

Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? Yeah definitely .

Elaborate on a way you have volunteered? I have no idea.

Do you use a full length mirror daily? Yeah, I have a huge one that’s in my hallway..

Can you walk in heels, or do you feel awkward in them? Yeah I can walk in them perfectly fine, my mum has worn them every day for over 30 years so i’ve learnt from the best ha.

Any TV shows you sit down weekly to watch? Teen Mom OG & Teen Mum UK because i’ve watched OG for the last 10 years & I come from the UK sooo... Tbh it’s mainly Youtube uploads I wait for. Don’t know the last tv show I actually watched on normal telly tbh that wasn’t on Now Tv or Netflix.

Does anybody know about your sex life other than your partner? Yeah, some of my friends I guess?

Even if you don’t like politics, do you still have opinions on the issues? I do.

Are you one to sneak food into movie theaters? I haven’t seen a movie at the cinema in years. I want to see Once Upon a Time in Hollywood so someone best come with me.

Will you tell someone if there’s something in their teeth? Yea?

Do you ever actually make your bed? Never, only when i’ve just washed the sheets.

Do you make an effort to eat healthy? Kind of but only because i’ve wanted to loose some weight, I stay within a certain, quite low calorie limit atleast 6/7 days & some days just eat way less cos that’s just how it is.

How are things between the person you like / love / are with? Good, fine, same as ever, even if he is a pain in the ass.

Where did you sleep last night? In my bed.

The last time you kissed someone, what colour of shirt were they wearing? Monday & they weren’t wearing one lol.

What year do / did you graduate? School, 2008, college 2011 & OU not til like 2023.

What kind of booze did you last take shots of? Mate, the thought of alcohol/shots makes me wanna throw up, I have no idea, probably vodka though.

What’s something you want to purchase next time you’re at the mall?  I need to go to Lush for a new body scrub.

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah.

If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? Fuck, so hard because i’ve already had better & had my best mate take me with working passes to Fall Out Boy where we spent the concert in the sound bit in the middle of the floor (he’s a sound tech) & had them sing 2 feet away from me with no barriers while I sat with the tour manager & it was just the best experience ever. I have a video with Patrick smiling at me singing Immortals while I was trying not to cry & well yeah.

If you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to change a regret? Money, because I can change what I regret whenever I want too.

Are you taller than your mom? Nah, i’m 5ft & she’s 5ft 2.

Have you ever been around someone who was high? Yeah, who hasn’t haha.

Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? Night time, it’s how I relax.

Think back to June. Were you in a relationship? Yeah.

What’s so special about what you’re wearing? Nothing, it’s just a big tee & knickers lol.

Do you have any ‘naughty’ photos on your phone? :).

Could you handle living with a male roommate? I lived with Dan for like 5 years, so in a relationship yeah.

What were you doing at 10:00 this morning? Sleeping.

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? It’s 5 past midnight.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Yeah.

What do you miss the most about your past? Having more money, D being well & home.

When is the next time you will kiss someone? Idk.

Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? Yes lol.

Plan on getting drunk or high tonight? No.

In the past week, have you cried hysterically? Yeah, in pain & just because I cry a lot so multiple times.

Do you think you’ll actually live a happy life with somebody? I hope so, or I won’t bother.

Are you on birth control? No, haven’t been in years.

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? No, don’t think so.

Last time you were really happy? This weekend I guess.

Do you tend to fall for players? No.

Have you ever asked a boy for advice? Yeah.

Are you wrapped in a blanket? Yes, so cold.

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? 7 & a half hours then an hour & 38 min nap.

Have you spoken to your mother today? Father? No & no.

[wildkuwonu-blog]

what it would be like dating prettymuch based on our star signs !

brandon: i’m actually the most boring person ever and hate change so i prefer having a routine and doing similar things everyday. brandon will be the one to bring me out of my comfort zone! i’ll probably try out different things just for him :D i make sure his crazy ass doesn’t do something that will get him killed so we balance each other out really well !!!

edwin: better off as friends! this is actually a lil bit emo because i love my egghead (this website im looking at makes me sound like a bitch dang) we would probably get into arguments about everything and edwin would get tired of me basically. we are gonna have some real bad communication issues.

austin: TALK ABOUT OTP. blondie and i are going to love the shit out of each other. the only fight we would ever have would be about who loved each other MORE. austin is the type to be really possessive in a relationship will show me off (not like in a douchebag way but more like “i’m so fucking lucky to have you’ way) i’m gonna be chillin and watching anime with my baby

nick: lots of tension !!!!! (good and bad) similar to austin, we both love each other a lot. i’m talkin SEXYTIMES 24/7 ! (that was so cringy this is why i’m single) arguments are most likely going to end in sex. sorry i don’t take no for an answer !!! boy also tends gets jealous real easily 👀 nick is actually insecure and needs to be reassured about certain things !!! which made me go all soft

zion: LAST BUT NOT LEAST, time to prepare for all-nighters in front of the TV! sayon and i are going to be domestic as FUCC. playing fortnite and eating pizza is how we’re going to spend the next 10 years. (i don’t even play fortnite but zion will probably force me to learn) PLOT TWIST: apparently i’m a bitch when it comes to stuff i want and i will guilt zion into getting them for me and homeboy won’t even argue back !!!! which makes me sad i don’t wanna hurt the boy but basically i only use him for free food

i have no idea what this is but you guys should do it too! it was really fun and i come up with weird shit after midnight. tonight i learned i’m a boring hoe who has absolutely no future with edwin which is totally cool im fine ..

[theoddcatlady]

Energy Potion

Alan: Oh my god I’m dying.

Alan: End me guys. Just take my body and throw it in a hole six feet deep.

Melody: Stop complaining, it’s not that bad.

Bruce: Shut the fuck up and pass me more coffee.

Alan: Coffee. All I consume, all I taste. Is goddamn coffee.

Cleo: I don’t know about you guys IM DOING GREAT :D

Melody: Oh god I think she found where I hid her Monster.

Melody: Cleo no do you KNOW how bad that is for you?! Spring water. Deep breathing. That’ll get you through finals!

Alan: … On what planet do you live on?

Melody: The one where nature provides rather than artificial chemicals and manmade poison.

Bruce: Oh man I haven’t laughed this hard since… I can’t remember. More coffee. More coffee. My fingers are shaking so much and I still don’t have this paper done. Spellcheck thinks I’m developing Parkinson’s.

Cleo: Your fingers only JUST started shaking? D:

Melody: Your kids are all going to end up with ADHD.

!~*~!

Melody: I have decided my earlier statements may have been naïve.

Alan: Nooo, really?

Melody: RIP. X.X

Cleo: Okay, after spending all morning in bed with a migraine maybe drinking that many Monsters in a row was a bad idea. Whoopsie daisy.

Bruce: I’m surprised you’re not dead.

Cleo: Same bro. Fuck finals.

Melody: We’re all doomed.

Alan: … hold on a sec guys I got this weird ad on the college website, lemme show you.

Alan: [IMG]

Alan: Ignore that it looks like every ‘graphic design is my passion’ advertisement ever.

Melody: Oooh, a natural remedy?

Cleo: No crash? I’m sold. How much is it, I don’t wanna blow my food budget.

Bruce: Thiiis sounds like bull. Don’t do it man.

Alan: Too late. Emailed the seller.

Bruce: Cocksucker.

Alan: You wish jackass.

Cleo: Shut the fuck up guys. I’m emailing Gus too. See if he’ll work out a deal. Jesus, a week’s amount of doses is over thirty bucks… hello Ramen cups and poptarts. How I missed you.

Melody: I have some extra quinoa!

Cleo: Errrrr…

Bruce: I mean. We only need a week’s worth. Then finals will be over.

Alan: Ooooh, changing your tune, mister skeptic?

Bruce: If I don’t pack in as much study time as possible I’m going to fail. I’m not gonna let that happen.

Alan: Awww yeah! Let’s try some kid’s science experiment!

!~*~!

Alan: I’m still laughing that it’s called ‘Energy Potion’. What sort of geeky ass bullshit?

Bruce: Taking the first pill now. I have to study.

Melody: All at once, readysetgo!

Cleo: …

Cleo: I didn’t expect it to dissolve. Thought it was like birth control.

Bruce: Literally tastes like piss. Literally.

Alan: Spend a lot of time doing that Bruce?

Bruce: Eat shit.

Alan: :P

Melody: Maybe it’s the color that brings on the whole urine sensation. So icky.

Cleo: Blergh. My mouth feels awful, how’s this supposed to work Alan?

Alan: ‘One pill and you’ll have bursts of energy throughout the night, a slow burn rather than a high followed by a crash.’ Taken right from the product description.

Melody: Oddly enough, I feel its working! Or maybe that’s the crystals I set up around my study place.

Bruce: Or placebo effect. That too.

!~*~!

Cleo: Bruce?

Bruce: What’s up Cleo? Any reason you’re not messaging with the group?

Cleo: … I took another pill this morning.

Bruce: Shit, are you feeling sick? I mean it does wonders don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think you can stay awake all day like that.

Cleo: I know I know I’m sorry, I’m just letting you know in case something goes wrong. And it did work. I didn’t feel tired until the sun went up. Still pretty sleepy.

Bruce: You wanna come over to my apartment to study? I know the dorm’s pretty rough on you.

Cleo: Well…

Bruce: I’ll have more Monster for you.

Cleo: Sold. Can we play a few rounds of Overwatch too?

Bruce: As long as I can be your pocket Mercy.

!~*~!

Melody: This is the best stupid idea you’ve ever had Alan!

Alan: I know right? You know how productive I was last night? Focused?

Melody: I know! I didn’t even feel buzzed! Just AWAKE!

Cleo: Slept through one of my classes though. The crash does come, just when the sun comes up.

Bruce: Whatever man, most of my classes don’t care about attendance except when it comes to finals. Two more days until it begins.

Cleo: I can’t wait for them to be over. I might take it easy. No more all nighters. I’ll save the rest of my pills for another time.

Melody: To be honest I haven’t even been taking mine.

Alan: … What?

Bruce: Sure Melody haha how the heck have you put in more studying time?

Melody: I just feel more awake at night. I think my internal clock is changing, a few sessions of meditation and I’ll be able to refresh myself.

Alan: That’s weird.

Cleo: You know, now that I think about it, I think I forgot to take the pill last night because of how awake I was? It just felt more natural to be awake at night rather than the day. I powernapped at midnight but that’s it. It’s probably just working its way out of our systems.

Bruce: god I hope so. I swear if you end up hospitalized because of this…

!~*~!

Cleo: TMI, I don’t care.

Alan: You too?

Bruce: Same.

Melody: I’m anti shaving but this is RIDICULOUS.

Bruce: …  How the hell did we get on the same wavelength so fast?

Cleo: I mean we’re friends. That’s how it is right?

Cleo: That’s beside the point. The point is my bush is thicker than a jungle, and I JUST got waxed as a reward for passing finals.

Alan: That is really TMI but same.

Melody: I might actually break out the razor.

Bruce: probably just get a weed whacker…

Cleo: Took the words out of my MOUTH.

Alan: Maybe it’s just a full moon, either way, finals are over, toss out the damn pills, we’re GOOD.

!~*~!

Bruce: I’m still not sleeping at night.

Melody: Neither am I. I’m back at my mom’s and she’s getting SUPER worried.

Alan: I keep nodding off at work. This fucking sucks. I’m gonna get canned at this rate and I don’t wanna go back to living with my parents.

Bruce: Have either of you heard from Cleo? I haven’t since she got home to her parents. I feel like she’s fine, but you know, I worry.

Alan: I know you two finally got together but relax, she’s fine.

Melody: She’s probably just organizing her room.

Bruce: … How the fuck did you know we were together?

Melody: …

Melody: I… don’t know. I just guessed I guess.

Bruce: Bull. We haven’t told anyone. Her dad’s racist as hell, you really think he’s cool with his princess dating a black guy?

Alan: Isn’t that beside the point anyway?

Bruce: No, not it’s not.

Bruce: I really didn’t want to say this.

Bruce: Alan, I know you’re bisexual. You were at the LGBT safe space the night before graduation.

Bruce: And Melody, you believe in this vegan hippie bullshit only to make your mom happy. Because she’d be horrified to find out you’re atheist. You were at Burger King yesterday and I know you weren’t there for the salad.

Bruce: I just know what you two are doing at any time, any place, anywhere. I know where to find you right now. I can’t put it into words but it’s like we’re connected.

Bruce: Do you realize it too?

Melody: … Yes.

Melody: I was worried last night because you weren’t safe. And when you got home and told me that you were nearly in a car accident I almost screamed. I don’t believe in this sixth sense bullshit. I don’t believe in any of it. I was a vegetarian because of logic reasons, not that I ‘feel the animal’s souls’.

Alan: But you’ve also been eating a lot of meat lately too, huh?

Bruce: There’s so many jokes I can make about the meat thing.

Alan: Time and a fucking place, Bruce.

Alan: I’ve basically become a carnivore overnight. I made myself three steaks last night because I just couldn’t get full. I’m blowing through my food budget like there’s no tomorrow.

Bruce: Damn. I’ve been getting by on chicken nuggets but nothing beats a rare steak right now. I could go get one right now. If I wasn’t so damn tired.

!~*~!

Bruce: Cleo? Are you there? I know you’re okay but I’m wondering for how much longer.

Bruce: Please tell me you’re okay.

Cleo: … I’m hideous.

Cleo: My new teeth are all sharp. I’m so hairy. The only thing I like to eat is meat. I only like being out at night, and when I do, I explore my territory.

Cleo: I’m not what you want.

Bruce: No no no, it’s all of us, Cleo. My teeth just started to get loose. The night is beautiful, isn’t it?

Cleo: Especially the moon. But I feel so alone. I’m not supposed to be alone. I love you, Bruce. So much. We’re meant to be.

Bruce: We are. All of us need to be together. It’s getting stronger by the day. What’s happening to us?

Cleo: The potion. The energy potion.

Cleo: That fucker turned us into freaks!

Bruce: Nonono, you’re not a freak. If it wasn’t for this new connection, I wouldn’t have made a move that night. Appearance or not, this isn’t… all bad.

Cleo: Not all bad?

Cleo: What is even the end of this? What are we turning into?

Bruce: Hang tight. We’ll be okay, I promise.

Cleo: … my dad’s banging on my door fuckfuckfuck I think he knows about us

Bruce: Cleo?

Bruce: Cleo?!?!

Bruce: CLEO PLEASE REPLY

Bruce: CLEO!

!~*~!

Bruce: She’s in trouble.

Melody: I’m already almost to her house. Alan’s with me. Meet us there.

Bruce: Keep her safe.

!~*~!

Bruce: Shaken them off?

Melody: Yes.

Cleo: They couldn’t keep up. They’re weak. They don’t have our senses in the dark.

Alan: I got rid of the body. And our clothes.

Bruce: You know where to go?

Cleo: We’ll meet you there.

Alan: You’re in charge.

Alan: We’ll get through this together.

Melody: Yes.

Cleo: Yes.

Bruce: Yes.

[ashavant]

The American University System: Oppressing the non-elite.

So let me get this straight...in the 70's there was a community outcry to lower the amount of tax money that got put towards college tuition for future generations? American tax payers used to cover over 70% of college costs, allowing the young students straight out of highschool the ability to work a minimum wage summer job to literally pay their entire tuition. Those with part time jobs while in school were not very common. This allowed for an ability to succeed without the unnecessary baggage of financial stress and lack of sleep at 18 years old while taking 14+ credits, which for those of you who dont know is a true 40-60 hour work week alone. All of this hard work and achievement paved the way for these kids to enter adulthood as educated, debt free, and with the world at their fingertips. Not to mention, they had the incredible privilege of not having to become a self sufficient adult in the middle of the worst economic crisis since the depression...

Compare that romantic reality to our drastically different reality today. I will use my experiences as an example for this, while probably on the extreme spectrum of experiences, they are valid and carry merit nonetheless. I was always told as a child, "you have to go to college, its not an option" Yet, when i graduated highschool, my parents grew quiet. I grew up in a 5 person household in Orange County, CA (one of the most expensive places to live in the country) in a family who made roughly $40k a year, give or take (thats poverty folx). My step-father was an electrical contractor so income was often spuratic. Anyway, needless to say they had not one penny saved for my college tuition. My parents failed to put a single penny aside for anything regarding my well-being honestly. With no car, no money, no job, and no idea when or how I could recieve a college education, I was kicked out of my parents at 17 years old with nowhere to go. I couch surfed and was able to get a couple jobs, one at a crafts store and one at a sandwhich shop. After 2 long years of working my way out of homelessness, all I wanted was to start college! So, at age 19 I applied for financial aid. However, I was told because I was under 25 I needed my parents tax information. Well, my parents never filed on time and were incredible dodgy with communication. So, after months of going back and forth I ended up paying out of pocket for a full time coarse load at a community college. I was able to work my jobs and pay this, but with nothing left over for rent or food. I ended up getting kicked out of my place, had to apply for foodstamps, and had to start over from square one. Little did I know I would have to wait 5 years before I could finally give college another shot.

I had almost given up the idea of higher education. I was making good money in the food industry at this point and had a nice company car and a great home with an awesome roommate. But then, I met a boy. We traveled the country for three months with his bluegrass band and saw 32 states. Afterwards, we again found ourselves broke and homeless. We hunkered down, worked 80+ hour weeks, saved up, and moved to Portland Oregon, "where young people go to retire". Little did we know, retire would be the LAST thing we did when we got there. Cost of living was rising in Portland, but still nothing compared to Orange County, CA. We got good food jobs and nested for about a year. My boyfriend (we will call him N) got great grades in highschool and high test scores in his exit exams, so in 2014 he chose to get back into school as a Music Composition Major at age 26. His journey is a whole other terrible story. I wanted to return to school so badly, but knew I had to wait until I was old enough to not warrant my parents tax info. Finally, at age 24 I filed my FAFSA and went to a career counselor. I was directed in the career of Civil Engineering. Having no prior knowledge of this career or topic, I dove in blindly headfirst. I chose a community college due to the fact that I barely finished highschool and did not take ant exit exams. To my surprise, I did very well in my college settings. After one year I was able to transfer to a university! Me! I WAS GOING TO A UNIVERSITY! I could not believe it, and was soo excited. I had no clue how hard this would be, not the work, but just surviving through it. I should mention here that I have a mild dissability. I have endometriosis which is a chronic illness linked to hormones, ovarian cysts, and all that jazz which can result in disabling pain and in my case an emergency surgery from time to time. I also suffer from a mild form of PTSD. So, with those alone handling high stress loads can be very hard on my mental and physical well being.

Ok, so I was a 24 year old first generation college student (first person in my family to go to college) disabled lower class person wanting a higher education. Seems logical right? Well, once I got accepted to the university, I chose to change my major to Architecture, I had taken an intro class for general ed and fell inlove. My beginning of my first year was great! Lots of lectures and reading. Aside from my tuition multiplying literally 3x from my community college tuition which did not affect my financial aid disbursement, I was fairly stress free. Now keep in mind, my partner and I are both working 20-30 hour weeks to make ends meet while taking 12-14 credits. Its basically having 2 full time jobs. Anyway, the last term of my first year came around-my first studio class. I was so excited! Time to actually do architecture! I got the syllabus and was told was supplies were needed to be successful in the class. I was also told that doing all of the requirements for the assignment would result in a C grade, if any grade above that was desired extra work had to be put in. I thought, no biggie, bring it on. The next thing she said was, "absolutely no sleeping in the studio!" Thats when I had a feeling I was gonna be in trouble. After class I went to the art store got my supplies. I almost started crying as they read my total to me: "$682.80, please." And that was with my student discount and not including all of the future supplies I would need just for that term, which I will tell you now after all the drawings and models ended up being about $2,000. That is a whole lot. These studio classes also require many all-nighters just to have enough time to complete the assignments. Many times, due to having to work outside of school I could not complete my assignments or had to do them with less craft and care than I would like just to turn it in. This year, I recieved less in financial aid, my rent has gone up significantly, tuition went up, and there are new grade requirements: if you get anything less than a B-, youre immediately dropped from the school of Architecture. So, not completing assignments isnt an option anymore. This last term costed my much less money, but once I told my instructor I was out of money, his response was, "well, this is Architecture school." What the fuck am I supposed to do with that!? A roll of Velum (drafting design paper) costs $50-$70 pencils are $2 a piece, models cost like $100 each, the list of tools go on and on. I am already paying $10k a year for tuition, ensuring at the very least $70k of debt including my masters degree which you need to get your Architecture license. And at least $100k with the $500 a month I need to borrow a month for rent. I should not need to add thousands more of that for supplies my school should be providing. And this insane pressure of pulling all nighters to get done the amount of assignments it would take us to do in a whole week last term in 2 days!

The moral of this very long story is that college is not meant for those of us trying to climb the life ladder. Its meant for the already elite. Its meant for kids right out of highschool with parents who make enough money to pay their tuition, their rent, their whole lives! Meant for kids who travel to Europe for the summer instead of working 60 hours a week to make up for the money lost during school cuz you physically cannot work more than 25 hours. Its meant for kids who can call their mommies and complain about how mean their teacher is, not for those of us who cry every night about being afraid of ending up back on the streets in the snap of a finger. Its meant for kids who can work and think about school all day every day, not those of us preoccupied with being able to pay all of our bills and being able to afford food and health insurance.

HOWEVER, even if you are like me, worse, or better, YOU CAN DO IT! I have a damn 3.7 GPA. I may only get 3 hours of sleep a lot, cry almost weekly, probably have lost years of my life due to stress, and feel scared for my health, but shit IM FUCKING DOOOOIN IT! Even though our government, or school presidents, and pretty much everyone in power disagrees, you are so worth it and you are so capable of success no matter how much harder you have to work than everyone else. Because we have to work so much harder now, we will get to party that much harder when we make it. I WILL GRADUATE IN SPITE OF THE SYSTEM! I WILL SUCCEED IN SPITE OF THE SYSTEM! I WILL CHANGE THE FUCKING WORLD CUZ I AM A BADASS AND CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PRIVELEDGED FUCKS CAN DO, JUST BETTER!

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: heard from drew? Carly: long shot Ali: Ha, good one Carls Ali: God no Ali: he's AWOL? Carly: yea Carly: gimme calebs number? Carly: longer shot Ali: 'Course but doubt they're chillin' Ali: and he might act like saying his name invokes him to pop up like a demon but you know Ali: Have you spoken to Meena? Surely he's keeping her in the loop Carly: shes not picking up Carly: to me Carly: same as my mum and dad Ali: That's not like her, she's probably just busy, keep trying Ali: As for your 'rents, where have they gone? And why do you need Drew so urgent? Gah, sorry, so many questions Ali: Just go with this one, are you okay? Carly: ive been trying ages Carly: shes not on spanish time idk why she cant answer Carly: idk wot to do Carly: how do i get it to stop ?? Ali: Spain's only an hour ahead of us anyway, not an excuse Ali: I'm 8 hours ahead and I've managed Ali: get what to stop babe Carly: the crying Carly: i cant think Carly: its all it does Ali: You've had the baby Ali: how long ago? did you go to the hospital? you need to if you haven't, like now Carly: what Carly: why would i go there Carly: its over with Ali: Because you both need to be checked over Ali: its really important Ali: have you birthed the placenta? Is it all out? If not you could die Ali: Never mind if there's anything wrong with the baby Ali: Call a cab and give me your deets, I'll transfer the money now Carly: that alien shit Carly: yea Carly: it screams healthy Ali: that is a good sign but there could be something you're missing, maybe that's why its screaming? better safe than sorry, they're not allowed to ask you about shit unrelated, so if you're high, sober up and then go, yeah? Ali: When did you last do a feed? Have you been able to? They'll show you how, it can be tricky Carly: id scream if i was born here Carly: gonna be stuck Carly: sober up? i need more Carly: shit hurts dont need to tell you Ali: They'll give you stuff at the Hospital Ali: why do you think anyone goes? Ali: and fo free baby gurl! please Carly: i cant Carly: gotta be hear for when my mum rings back Carly: & drew might come Ali: Give me your mums number and I'll tell her where you are Ali: then she can ring the hospital and they'll let you know Ali: I bet Drew has a key, no? Ali: Leave a note Carly: he left it when he went Carly: threw it at me Ali: Oh bab Ali: I'm sorry Ali: but you gotta focus on you Ali: and the baby now Ali: Not him, he knows where you are Ali: I can text him if you want, or try to call Ali: I swear nothing bad will come out of it Carly: but its his Carly: and i am Carly: he should be here Ali: But he isn't Ali: maybe he'll come back but you gotta keep going 'til he does, alright? Carly: i need to find him Ali: Not right now Ali: next step Ali: he's not lost, he doesn't want to be found Ali: i know that's harsh but its the truth Ali: he'll come back when he's ready, alright? Carly: what about me Carly: im not ready Carly: he doesnt care Carly: why should i Ali: he cares about himself Ali: AT LEAST do that Ali: if you can't the baby then the people at the hospital will help with that too Ali: you can't just leave it Ali: boy or girl? Carly: its a girl Carly: another one Carly: hes gonna be mad Ali: I don't think he's salty about not having a male heir babe Ali: If you really won't go...I'll do my best to tell you what I know and I'll send you links Ali: we'll do our best health check and then you've got to try to feed her, yeah? Is that okay? Carly: mad that shes here Carly: i said i wasnt having one Carly: you want me to read? cant hear myself think Ali: But you were Ali: and if you were doing it without protection then he was fully aware it was a possibility Ali: I'll voice memo you then Ali: it'll stop the crying Carly: he says its not his Carly: maybe not Carly: idk Carly: its got blood on it but could look like him when thats gone Ali: He said that to me when it definitely was so kind of his go to Ali: but even if it isn't, doesn't mean he has to be a dick to you about it Ali: Its not right regardless Ali: Especially not when you're alone Carly: how do i make it sleep Carly: im tired Carly: should i sing? Ali: That might help yeah Ali: Skin to skin to, that's comforting Ali: Lemme break down how you feed it, yeah? Hold on Carly: i cant pick it up what if i drop it fuck no Carly: gotta stay where it is Ali: You won't Ali: its your baby, its safer with you than it is on the floor Ali: get a towel, that'll keep it warm and put it to your chest Ali: [Sends 38 sec video] okay, if that's easier this vid shows you how but I'm here to talk you through Carly: all the towels are wet Carly: it can have my tshirt thats warm Ali: Good idea, see Ali: you know what you're doing Ali: you've got this Carly: its too small Carly: i have to put it back down Carly: ill hurt it Carly: fuming about me coming near it Ali: She's just hungry and confused Ali: Understandable, right? Dunno about you but I'd be pretty fucked off too if I'd just been pushed out my nice comfy home of the last 9 months Ali: You'll be her best friend in my time at all Carly: id put it back if i could Carly: whyd you wanna do this 3 times Ali: 'Cos I'm a bossy bitch and I want underlings to do my bidding and I get to tell 'em what to do Ali: speaking of, time for your masterclass Ali: get her and get comfy on the sofa or your bed or wherever is bed Ali: best Carly: k Carly: shes heavy wtf Ali: That's good! You did a good job cooking her then Ali: and if she's a lil chunk, this should be easier Carly: shes small but im sleepy Ali: you can both take a snooze when this is done, usually conks 'em right out Ali: is your tiddy out? Carly: knew you fancied me Ali: you know Ali: getting in there while your defenses are down Carly: im single Carly: you too Ali: Lets do it mama Ali: cutest fam ever? i think so Carly: shes not cute like yours Carly: weird coloured thing Ali: she's probably covered in the gunk and pink from screaming her head off Ali: no ones finest hour i bet she's beautiful Carly: ill get it to take a selfie Ali: yay! get it on the nip 'cos i gotta see my boo too 😍 Ali: line her nose up with your nip, kinda tickle her top lip with it, she should open her mouth wide Ali: then you can shove it in Carly: done that before Carly: weird Carly: [Sends pic of tiny baby Indie] Carly: does she look like him idk Ali: Definitely Ali: Looks a bit like Edie Carly: ill send him the pic Carly: probs should take a better one Carly: how do i look? Ali: Like you've just given birth Ali: so a goddess Ali: but a knackered one Carly: youve got a fetish Carly: cant trust that Ali: me??? Ali: didn't impregnate myself Ali: look at Caleb! Carly: and drew Carly: wont see him Ali: Clearly its his thing too Ali: but he's more about the before than after yeah Ali: he can't stay away forever Ali: he wouldn't leave Meena Carly: youre smart Carly: if i go there he cant avoid me Ali: Exactly Ali: Camp out Ali: Ana will help you with the baby shit if you like Carly: why Carly: she doesnt know me Ali: Because she's a good person Ali: plus she's a social worker, it what she do Ali: and she knows Drew better than most, she raised him Ali: worth a shot Carly: shes not his mum Carly: but she can take this kid Ali: yeah she's better than Ali: is that what you want? Ali: she'll discuss it with you, make sure you both get what's best Carly: im not talking to her Carly: she can take it or not Ali: No one will just take her with no questions asked Carls Ali: for your welfare and the kids Carly: im not answering a social workers questions Ali: They're not entitled to judge you Ali: She won't Ali: and as far as drugs are concerned, if you want to give the baby up then literally none of their business at all after that Ali: and if you did decide to keep her then they work with you Ali: they're not gonna just shop you, it ain't like that Carly: make me go to rehab is how its like Carly: fuck no Ali: They can't make you Ali: there's no point Ali: you can only get sober if that's what you want Carly: my mum and dad'll make me Carly: i know theyre gonna Ali: well, where the fuck are they now? Ali: if they're so concerned about you they'd be here Ali: actually supporting you Carly: theyll come when they find out about her Carly: i never told them Ali: Good, I hope they do Ali: but how did that happen Ali: how could I see and they didn't Ali: or Drew Carly: they dont come back Carly: drew did see thats why he left Ali: yeah but they must talk to you Ali: your mum has obviously been there how did she not clock something being up Ali: and not soon enough in Drew's case Carly: i call them if i need money Carly: they gotta think its why im calling now Ali: When do they call you? Carly: if i call and they didnt pick up Carly: unless theyre busy Ali: I see Ali: how's she doing? done feeding? Carly: sleeping Carly: how are yours? Ali: best feeling ever, right? Ali: much the same, its late here Ali: I'm pulling an all-nighter lowkey, finishing up some work Carly: i miss junie Carly: whatever your on for it gimme some Ali: i'd be creepy and snap him sleeping but no doubt the flash would wake his highness Ali: he misses you too, i'll get him to facetime Carly: aw Carly: go work bitch Carly: i shouldnt kept you this long Ali: don't be daft Ali: queen of multitasking Ali: and not just junie who misses you is it Ali: #massiveLESBIANcrush Carly: my tits are gonna go down Carly: snap me up now Ali: Trying, like Ali: make it facebook official Ali: that'll get the lads attention ey Ali: why else do it Carly: yea Carly: my parents too probs Carly: lapsed catholics Ali: be on the next plane over to get you back on the dick like Ali: i'll get on it #longdistancelesbians Ali: my ex gonna be so mad Carly: mine too Carly: wtf am i gonna do Carly: I dont want him to be an ex Ali: even though he's fucked you over like this? Carly: i fucked him over first Carly: i lied Ali: not really Ali: if anything, you lied to yourself Ali: but you didn't wanna hear it, couldn't Ali: and that makes sense Carly: cant block it out any more Carly: fuck Ali: it gets really real really fast Ali: doesn't it Ali: but you have got this Ali: i've got you, however i can, yeah? Carly: i dont want it to be Carly: i dont want it Carly: i cant do this Ali: okay, that's okay too Ali: but she isn't going to just go Ali: whether it was getting an abortion earlier or what you have to do now Ali: you have to do something Ali: there's no quick fix for it Ali: ana can get you in touch with the right people who will make it as easy as they can for you and her Ali: or my mum Carly: if i leave her she'll get found Carly: why does nobody ever call me back wtf Ali: Yeah but they'll still try to find you Ali: or Drew Ali: and his DNA will be on the system so Ali: and I reckon if they got to him, he'd sell you out Ali: when's the last time you slept? Carly: idk Carly: what day is it Ali: Tuesday Carly: sunday Carly: saturday Carly: idk Ali: fuck girl Ali: you shoulda been banking up on it before Carly: ha Carly: easy fix Carly: need my dealer Ali: not if your gonna be breastfeeding Ali: unless he gonna bring formula too Carly: i can go myself for that Carly: get a car Ali: you getting enough cash in, yeah? Carly: ha no Carly: no student loans for this bitch Ali: you'll have to look into getting help with that Ali: there's funds and shit, i'll find out the info Ali: that or tap Drew up for child maintenance Carly: yea cos hes declaring his earnings Carly: i wish hed talk to me Ali: exactly, bribe him like Ali: he's got a lot to lose Carly: hed never forgive me Carly: i cant Ali: but you can forgive him for all he does? Ali: got it bad honey Carly: yea Carly: its fucked Ali: is there anything he could do to make you stop loving him Carly: idk Carly: why Ali: cos you'd be happier if you didn't Ali: right Ali: like, he treats you like shit Carly: i wasnt happy before Carly: & he hasnt this whole time Carly: it got bad Carly: me too Ali: but you could be Ali: you don't have to give up hope of ever being Ali: and he did for the majority of the time though, that should outweigh the good Carly: with what Carly: this kid Carly: im not you Ali: no Ali: of being happy Ali: with just you Ali: or someone else who treats you better Carly: i dont have a job or friends here and i live in a caravan Carly: not gonna happen Ali: you can get both Ali: you're cool Carly: ha Carly: youre dreaming Carly: fucked the allnighter Ali: i'm not the only one Ali: and why not? Carly: drew says im a junkie Ali: what does he know Ali: and anyway, functioning junkie Ali: shits possible Carly: he knows me Carly: he loved me til i fucked it Ali: you haven't DONE anything Ali: a baby happened to you BOTH Ali: you're both reacting, right or wrong now, whatever Ali: and he probably still does but Ali: love ain't always enough Carly: why are you my friend? Ali: I said, you're cool Ali: funny, smart, nice, you already know i fancy you so no need to kiss arse any more, yeah? Ali: you're SO friendable, babe Carly: shoulda fallen for you Ali: yeah well, the tragedy of being straight and feelings not following logic Ali: sometimes, you gotta fuck feelings tho, do right by yourself Carly: i dont feel anything when he isnt here Carly: nothing happens Carly: cept today Ali: make stuff happen Ali: its only chaos darling Carly: youre not here either Carly: what am i gonna make happen on my own Carly: this shit Carly: idk Ali: what do you wanna make happen Ali: anything, however unlikely you think it is Carly: i want him to come back Carly: my parents too Carly: but none of them are Ali: can't control other people nah but you can do all YOU can to make it happen Ali: what would make him come back? who would he wanna be with? and you can try to talk to your 'rents and tell them what is up...longshot but maybe they don't realise how shitty they're being Carly: they're not Carly: theyre busy Carly: and im not a kid Ali: busy with what? Ali: living it up in spain? Ali: they kept you, you're their kid for life Ali: they don't get to peace at 16, 18 whatever the fuck Carly: they didnt vanish Carly: i know where they are Ali: yeah but they should be here rn Ali: you need them Ali: maybe if you ask, when they answer, they will come back Ali: i'm not slagging on 'em, its just facts Carly: i dont want to go live in spain Carly: fact is theyll try and force me Ali: well, they can't make ya, tell them why you wanna stay here Ali: they could still be supportive Ali: even if they're not physically with you every day like Carly: they wont let me stay for him Ali: okay...make something more parent friendly up then Ali: what they don't know won't hurt 'em Carly: youre so smart Ali: so i've been told Ali: with varying levels of sarcasm Carly: yea Carly: same Ali: You are though Ali: One of the many reasons we get along Carly: youre such a mum Carly: bigging me up like Ali: s'what i do best right Ali: shoulda been a cheerleader, fucking irish schools not letting me shine Carly: thats what schools do best Carly: be shit Ali: true dat Ali: even if my uni is pretty swish Ali: and full of nerds like me Carly: looks it Ali: still, miss the homeland like Carly: switch places Carly: shes crying again what does she want this time Carly: headfuck Ali: think its a bit too early for her to have shat, maybe wee but Ali: probably wanting her next feed Ali: you do it roughly every 2 hours for the first month Carly: ffs Carly: howd you get anything done with 3 of them Ali: ask myself the same question Ali: luckily they're not all on the tit 'cos form an orderly queue lads Carly: not getting my tit out again Ali: its that or formula run to get her to stop crying Carly: i cant put her in the car Carly: she'd fall out Ali: that solves that then honey Ali: get 'em out get 'em out get 'em out Carly: perv Ali: 🤷 Ali: single mum, gotta get my kicks where i can yo Carly: get fucked Carly: not offering Carly: one of the nerds would be up for it Ali: no need to tell me Ali: desperation station Ali: bless 'em Carly: do you go to class with your shoulders and knees out Ali: its boiling here, not even trying to be a shameless hussy Ali: can't be swooning erryday, got places to be, shitty bums to wipe Carly: yea Carly: cant steal that excuse myself Ali: sadly not Ali: can use breastfeeding though Ali: you're just out here feeding ya kid, looking hot as a by-product, fight me world Carly: don't Carly: how is this happening Carly: im looking at her and idk Ali: i can't believe you did it all by yourself Ali: you're a right tough nut Ali: but you don't have to keep doing it alone Carly: but i have to do something Carly: wtf Ali: yeah, keep both of yas alive until you figure out your next step Carly: make it sound simple Ali: 'course Ali: i'll allow you some melodrama but i can't claim hormones as hard Carly: u can Carly: and homesickness Ali: alright, lets have a good sob Carly: this kids done enough Carly: has you beat bitch Ali: rude Ali: already winning fresh out the womb Carly: what you naming it Carly: said you would Ali: you're serious? Carly: idc Ali: probs think on that a bit longer, whether you wanna name her or nah Ali: but my lists be ready don't fret Carly: k

[yoongster-blog1]

>:3c

Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and tag the people you want to get to know better. 

@literaltae tagged me OH YEAH

I don’t have that many people to tag without it being awkward so you don’t have to do it if you dont feel like it, I’m just gonna name blogs that follow me and that are probably way out of my league:

@addiction-to-kpop ; @canyounottae ; @yovngguk ; @joonwings

nickname: I HAVE A FEW ACTUALLY AND ONLY ONE OF THEM SORT OF MAKES SENSE;; my real names aleksandra but while i lived abroad i was called andy or alex, but most of the people i know since i was little call me sani (from the aleksandra??idk pretty far fetched if you ask me)

star sign: IM A CAPRICORN IN THE FLESH

height: fun story i actually thought i was really tall till i moved back to europe. im 5′’6 (like ??167cm i think)

last thing i googled: ,,,,,,,,,,,’’min yoongi hands’’ jklkjhgfvcfghjklHDJFK

favorite music artists: OK;; kpop wise, its definitely bts and twice. exo is also a honorable mention considering i was whipped in 2013. other artists would include the neighbourhood, gorillaz, jamiroquai, caravan palace, joywave, depeche mode, nine horses (blaming my dad), that handsome devil, glass animals, marina and the diamonds, daoko,, ill stop myself there 

song stuck in my head: A TO THE G TO THE U TO THE STD IM D BO

last movie i watched: i actually haven’t watched a movie in ??? months. I’m not exactly a movie person and i mostly watch bad ones to make fun of them. I’m pretty sure i watched the Room or Lorax last (ironically) or Saving Project Ryan since i actually liked that movie 

last tv show i watched: ???FUCK DUDE I HAVE NO IDEA. one of my friends forced me to watch Skins and i liked it, i guess that counts. only tv shows I’m really up to date with are game of thrones and twd 

what im wearing right now: i haven’t gotten out of bed (its 1pm but) so I’m still in my pajamas. my shirt says ‘’i’m a vegetarian’’ because if it wasn’t ironic it wouldn’t be my shirt 

when did i create my blog: LIKE THIS WEEK? i’ve had a bunch of blogs before that i never really tried too hard with, this is the first time i made a blog with the intent of using it

what kind of stuff i post: bts and daily crying about min yoongi thats about it 

why did i choose my URL: IT WAS AVAILABLE AND CUTE IM NOT TOO DEEP

gender: i’m a grill

hogwarts house: CHANTS SLYTHERIN SLYTHERIN SLYETHER 

pokemon team: funny story i never actually got around to playing pokemon go. mostly because it fucking SWERVED MY COUNTRY and it wasnt released till it was dead. i guess i was mystic but man was candela cute. my heart was always with the meme team tho 

favorite color: for some reason all my clothes are some variant of navy i didnt even do that with the intent, so i guess navy blue 

average hours of sleep: im all over the place. since i’m on break i sleep like 9 hours a day with occasional all-nighters during which i just nap for 2 hours during day. during school days i’m lucky if i get 4 hours of sleep 

lucky numbers: i just really like the number 2 man 

favorite characters: coughs Saiko Yonebayashi (tokyo ghoul:re), Joel (the last of us), Jon Snow + Samwell Tarly (game of thrones), Josuke Higashikata (jjba), Yuuri Katsuki + JJ (yoi), Jumin (mystic messenger) and like,,,,a bunch more

how many blankets do i sleep with: THREE. ones really soft and warm but too small so i have to use a bigger one too and an extra one for comfort 

dream job: idk man i don’t even know if ill live that long, something involving languages preferably. if i was to dream extra big id want to be rich..just rich and famous and cool that’d be chill

following: too many kpop imagine blogs 

that concludes it i think 8) thank you for tagging me mega my man 

[withloveishi]

Junior Year - An Honest Fucking Review

{l i s t e n i n g  t o : My entire Amy Winehouse Playlist on shuffle and repeat}

     I’M FUCKING DONE WITH THIS YEAR OF FUCKERY ALSO KNOWN AS “JUNIOR YEAR”. I made it through this year without either dying or completely failing, so that’s a plus. However, I’m gonna focus on what this year was like and try and give some of my advice to the incoming junior (not because I think I’m a professional junior or some bullshit, but because i would rather not see someone have a metal breakdown within the first 2 months of school). 

     So, let me start off with what this year was like. IT WAS A CLUSTER FUCK OF UNIMAGINABLY STRESSFUL BULLSHIT. Part of this was due to my history teacher (You know if in talking about). He was just a huge dick, both because being a huge dick was ingrained in his genetics, and because his tests were fucking stressful. Like I would study at least 4-5 hours for them and then would get like a D on them. And I know I'm not the most history-oriented student out there, but still, it a little hard to not want to hate a class when a history simultaneously gives you a D on a test you studied more than adequately for, and comedically says a Japanese Internment Joke (side note: I'm Japanese American) and claims that he didn't know what he was saying when you go to confront him about it. 

     Next thing and possibly one of the biggest reasons why I hated this year, was what this year was just a huge fireball of academic things coming straight towards me. One thing about this year is that literally everything was happening and counted: Grades, ACT/SAT, College Searching, Performances, and Competitions. Really, only those first three were the ones that mattered to my parents, but still. One of things i get asked most often by underclassmen is if Junior Year is stressful, and my response is understandably, “Yes”. However, it’s not for the reason they think. My two primary reasons for why this year was stressful was 1. How much academic bullshit I had to think about BESIDES school, and 2. How this is the year was hyped up to be the year that schools look at my grades. For that first reason, my parents would constantly remind me through out the year that I had to do ACT/SAT tests. AND... UMM... I initially thought that I could keep procrastinating the tests off. And that I could justify it with the fact that i would “...be busy that weekend”. But anyways, having both standardized tests and college searching my life was just starting to become a complete fucking mess along with me. To my second point, as I was falling apart, so were my grades. And with my parents constantly looming over me with the “You must have this many A’s to gain my approval” sign over my head, i was literally dying. 

     I guess now I’ll give you some advice on how to go about Junior Year, and strategies to make it as least of a pain in the ass as possible:

~ How To Not Be A Complete Failure At Junior Year ~

1. PLAN OUT STANDARDIZED TESTS AND COLLEGE SEARCHES BEFORE THE YEAR STARTS: Really, don't make the mistake that I made, because Im dealing with the consequences rn, and I don’t love life rn. I know no one likes to talk about tests or college in the only time of the year we have away from school, but I promise you, it will greatly relive the stress during your Junior year. 

2. (This one sort of spring off of that last one) TAKE STANDARDIZED TESTS AND DO COLLEGE SEARCHING DURING YOUR JUNIOR YEAR: It’s EXTREMELY easy to have an “I'm gonna be busy on that weekend studying” mindset when it comes justifying not doing these things, but I advise you take these as early as you can. It will give you more time to improve on things that you might feel iffy about and will also allow you to then turn in better scores to your colleges (if they require them). And if your thought was “I’ll just take it in the summertime after Junior Year is over “, DON’T DO THAT! I just did that, and I can tell you, it’s not a good idea. Please don’t. 

3. GIVE YOURSELF FREE TIME TO ENJOY YOURSELF DURING THE YEAR: I’m not expecting a huge amount of people reading this to have this problem, but I suffered a lot of mental breakdowns this year, both due to workload and self-worth. Give yourself rewards and breaks to go put with friends or be by yourself and watch a few episodes. Do something you enjoy and don't think about school for that time. It’s easy to become consumed by the workload and try to get things done as quickly as possible. I always thought that is I gave myself breaks, and I did badly on something, that I could have spent that break studying that one other thing to do well. But honestly, It’s a fucking lie. 

4. TAKE COURSES YOU ENJOY FROM TEACHERS YOU ENJOY: As you can see from the paragraph above, I did not enjoy my history teacher. But in general, my schedule just did not work out the way I had planned it this year. I had  a record 4 terrible teacher, and generally took classes because my schedule required them and/or did not allow me to take certain ones due to conflict. But most importantly, don't take a class you don't enjoy. I feel like this is common sense. Unless a class is required (LIKE U.S. FUCKING HISTORY), DON’T TAKE IT. It will be reflected in your grade and your overall behavior. or maybe not. Maybe your some ultra smart wizard who just schools goodly. 

     While bad and stressful shit came out of this, many good things came out of this. I became closer to many of my friends (which sounds high key generic, but its true), and took time to try to improve my general mental health. But, as a last piece of advice, you are gong to have to work hard. Junior year is no year to put the blinders on and just go with it. There will be nights where you you have all nighters and get mad at your grade for not being high enough. But as long as you keep a good and healthy work ethic and continually remind yourself of the people that support you and make you happy, Junior year will possibly be less than a cluster fuck of complete bullshit.