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joyfulsongbird · 3 years

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i would come for you

the six of crows kanej fic that I wrote a long time ago and don't remember coming up with or writing at all!! but it's where Inej actually gets one of her legs broken when she's kidnapped at the beginning of crooked kingdom and ALLLL of the angst that follows when kaz gets her back. the aftermath... it's about the Angst(TM) ok??? enjoy!

(literally pls ignore any typos I am not rereading this before posting it LMAO)

ao3 link if that's what you prefer!!!

INEJ

Inej knew pain well. It was something she was intimately familiar with, a long time friend.

She had found comfort at times, in a world where cold numbness was a few steps too close to death, a sharp pain was a welcome reminder of life. She’d never desired it, of course not, but there was something oddly soothing about waking and realizing that you were wholly alive. She could push through almost anything, if she pushed herself far enough, if she distanced herself from the pain enough. It was a skillset she had mastered long ago and it had served her well in this new life she had carved. She knew pain, as her scars could attest to, as her wariness could speak to, but this was different.

This was not the welcome type of pain.

She was alive. She knew that for sure. But pain usually was not usually accompanied by this deep and penetrating sorrow.

She laid on her back in this same dark room, minutes blurring into hours as she fought the urge to scream; to cry, to do something, anything. The pain in her leg was all consuming, and the knowledge that her future was destroyed did not help. It was just the one- just her right- that had been damaged. She tried to push the memories from hours earlier out of her mind, already the fear was dulling the edges of this memory. The way the terror caused it to fade in and out of her mind was the only welcome factor at the moment. All she knew at the moment was terror and pain. Through these two things, she tried to think. But she had already exhausted herself of any sort of plan. How was she supposed to escape with a bad leg? The answer was that she could not. Van Eck had said he was being merciful. Merciful. She’d wanted to tear his tongue right out of his mouth as he had said that. The other one tomorrow then, he had said, when it was done. She wasn’t quite ashamed, but she was close. Her voice had been so weak sounding, she wished more than much that she could have taken it, could have gone through that ordeal with tight lips and a steely expression. In the end, she was just a girl. A girl who had everything already taken from her and was somehow losing more.

So she simply laid on her back in the dark, praying to all of her Saints that… well, she didn’t know. What could she even pray for anymore? For Kaz to come for her? If he did at all- which she highly doubted- when he saw her state, wasn’t it more likely he would turn on his heel rather than risk anything for a broken spider? And what else was there to do but hope that something changed? She could lie here and hope she died in the dark but no, she didn’t truly want that. She wanted to escape the pain but not like that. There was so much she had left to do, and even if her foundation was crumbling beneath her, she still had her mind. She still had her voice. It was all she could ask for, maybe she should lower that expectation as well… nevertheless, she still had a few more fights left in her. Even if it didn’t feel like it, she still had life left to live.

The next night came. She prepared herself for the worst, for a repetition of the night before, for death itself. But no. Kaz was coming. Kaz for coming for her.

She laughed. She did not know why. If she was asked, it would be impossible to discern the reason. Maybe it was because she was drunk on pain, on her terror. Maybe it was because she knew Kaz would have no use for her after he found out she was damaged beyond repair. She was not finding humor in anything, but she laughed anyways. This was the nightmare of nightmares, and she was never going to wake up.

Noon tomorrow.

She counted the hours, the minutes, the seconds. Again, the reason she did not know. It only drew out her agony. But she wanted to see them again, wanted to see him again, even if she never did after. Perhaps she wouldn’t be blind folded at the bridge, what was she going to do? Run? They had already done what she didn’t dare fear would happen to her, she could not run, she could not slip away from them like she might have a few days ago. Things were different now and all she wanted was to see Kaz, to have one last image of him in her mind that she could hold onto. And perhaps it would be cold, it would be cruel as he often was, but she didn’t care. That would be enough for now. That would be enough of a goodbye; the closure that she desired. She was no longer an investment with anything to back it, she wasn’t worth anything anymore. Per Haskell would throw her out, Kaz would turn his back on her, and she would be alone again. In debt and desperate, again.

She closed her eyes against the dark, tightly. She was determined not to cry, not to show any more weakness than she already had. So when Van Eck’s men came again (a little earlier than noon she assumed), she steeled herself. Two men held her tightly between them, making it so that she was slightly elevated. She did not want to be carried, at least this gave her some false sense of autonomy.

“Shackle her arms.” Van Eck was turned away from her. She nearly spat at his feet right then.

“Sir, I don’t think-” one of the guards holding her began. She did not recognize him.

“Just do it.” Van Eck snapped. “Today will not be the day I underestimate one of Brekkers.”

She almost smiled then. At least she still brought him a little worry, at least she still held some power. Inej held onto that feeling as she was moved, shoved around and into the back of some carriage. The pain was the most intense she’d ever felt, the bones in her ankle and calf were ruined. Van Eck had been very deliberate in what he had wanted done to her. Make it so that she could not scale walls anymore, make it so that it caused her pain with every step. He had not cared about her excuses about Kaz after hours of thought.

“He will come,” he had said while leaning over her. “I know he will. And I think you know he will, too.”

She hadn’t, not truly. But when she’d heard that he was coming, that he was there, something in her twinged with relief. Perhaps it was selfish, to want to be saved when she had no use for him anymore, but she found herself being relieved that she was wrong. Who could blame her? She was preparing for the worst in every single scenario, and Kaz not turning up really wasn’t very high on the list of “worst things”. It was a lot closer to reality, and it hurt to acknowledge that, but at least it had been something she was mentally prepared for. This hope she felt fluttering in her chest was a little too powerful for this darkness she was shrouded in, she wanted to let it go. Let it fly away so that she wouldn’t be crushed by disappointment when another terrible thing inevitably came around, but she couldn’t seem to lessen her hold on it.

She was a little too relieved when they did not blindfold her, instead pulled a hood over her head, concealing her face in a shadow. She kept her chin down, forced there by the two guards holding her. No one would be able to see her face but she knew that the rest of the Dregs would easily be able to pull her out of the small crowd they had. She didn’t exactly blend in, the small, black clad girl being held as tightly as a death row prisoner. She kept trying to glance up but couldn’t make anything out, she saw a few pairs of shoes in front of her, but the moment she tried to lift her head, one of the guards jostled her. Causing pain to go up her leg, she put her head back down. She could faintly make out the sound of voices, muffled by the distance and her own pounding head. She was being hit by all of the human necessities she had been neglecting, her hunger gnawed at her stomach, her throat was so dry, and the pain amplified every single movement.

She hadn’t been ready when they dropped her to her feet, her weight dropping onto her injured leg the same way it wouldn’t any other day where she was not injured. It was horrifying, the way she crumbled. She dropped to her knees, which only caused the pain to worsen. She burned, everything burned; with humiliation, with sorrow, with pain. The Wraith didn’t fall, and when she did, she got right back up. She rolled with the motion, she lifted herself even when it seemed like there was no way to get up. But she wasn’t The Wraith anymore, she couldn’t be. It had been stripped from her the same way her identity had been stripped from her at the Menagerie. She was just a Suli girl, on her knees, struggling to her feet once again.

The silence was only interrupted by the soft swishing of water underneath the bridge, she bit the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood. No one moved, she didn’t even seem to breath, as she pushed herself to stand. This was her lowest, she knew. This was not how she wanted to meet Kaz’s eye, as she lifted her head, hood falling back. Her hands were shackled in the front, knives tucked into her jacket, but her legs were free. She wasn’t sure why, maybe to make her walk. Maybe Van Eck had only insisted on her arms so that everybody would watch her struggle to do the barest of tasks. It was humiliating and she felt her face burn along with every other part of her, but she kept her expression steely.

Kaz was looking at her, his expression also hard and concealing something underneath that she couldn’t discern. She wanted to be able to lift whatever veil separated them, hear his thoughts word for word. That was an impossibility, she knew, but it didn’t stop her from yearning to know what was going through his head at that very moment. Each step was an agony, flames licking at her chest, behind her eyes. But she forced herself to walk that 20-or-so feet to where Kaz stood, her injury was the most obvious thing about her at the moment. It was easy to act as if it was better than it actually was, though, she could pretend that she just had a simple limp. That she had sprained her ankle and it would heal within the weak. Inej was good at that, she would not show the world this kind of shame. That would come indoors, in the dark, when no one could see that she was broken. That would come later.

“Your knives?” was the first thing out of Kaz’s mouth. She was unsurprised.

“They’re packed inside my coat.” she replied, forcing the tremble to stay out of her voice. He cut the bonds that kept her arms in front of her, she rubbed her wrists absently, keeping all of her weight on her left leg. She caught Kaz’s look down at her right, trying to figure out what was off with it. He still had that cold expression on, she couldn’t possibly try to read it. Whatever plan he had had, it was screwed up now. She was dead weight, a factor which he hadn’t prepared for. She didn’t know what came next but she knew exactly what train of thought must be going through his head. What was he supposed to do with her?

Her vision was swimming, the pain in her leg was growing with every moment, she didn’t know how much longer she could hold on for. But she wouldn’t pass out now, not when she was so close to freedom. Or what she could reasonably call freedom at the moment. She would do what she had to do, doom herself to even worse than she already was, if it meant they all got out of there safely and in one piece.

And then, chaos erupted.

Everything whirled around her, she was vaguely aware of being moved again (the agony wasn’t easy to ignore) but the swirling of color and sounds of voices were overwhelming. Her senses were all over the place but she felt herself being slightly lifted and moved not so gently towards the wall that separated them and the water below. She heard Kaz’s gruff voice say something in her ear but she didn’t catch it. Then she was going over the ledge of the bridge, oh Saints what’s going on? But she wasn’t falling, she stayed suspended in midair for a moment. She looked up. Kaz was holding onto both of her wrists, his gloved fingers curled tightly so that she would not fall. She met his eyes, there was a message that she could understand. At least that was something. She glanced down, and below her was a flower boat, rowing down the river. She looked back up and gave Kaz a single, resolute nod. His expression was a little different now, as if he understood that dropping her from this height would cause her indescribable pain. Not quite apologetic but there was something like it there. This was something that she would have been able to do with ease a week ago, but now, she breathed in deeply through her nose and let go of Kaz before he could do the same for her.

She was the Wraith, she had to be, even just for one more single moment. The drop was quick, her heart dropped into her stomach, and before she knew it, she was hitting the boat. It was a small boat, and she didn’t have as much space to make her landing work the way she would’ve liked, but at least her muscle memory was still intact. She covered her head, tried to spread the impact as much as she could without spilling over the side of the boat.

She did not feel strong. She was broken, there was nothing more she could do but lie there. She had failed in every regard, she had lost her purpose, she had lost her title, her identity. And now, she would lose Kaz, she would lose the Dregs, and she would lose the dream of hunting slavers someday. Cruelest of cruelties.

Her vision faded in and out, she was not in her body. She was slipping into the dark, as she had done often before, a welcome comfort. She was disappearing into the shadows where the pain would be dulled and she would be soothed by the coolness of being all by her lonesome. And when she woke- she did not want to think about what would happen when she woke. Maybe for once she could move in the now, in the moment, instead of thinking of every step that was to come. Every jump she had to make, anticipating everything before it happened. She could simply settle and rest. Saints, she really wanted to rest.

She could not escape her demons however.

“Inej.” Kaz’s voice was enough to cause her to open her eyes slightly, everything slightly blurry. “Inej, you have to stay with me.”

Her mouth tasted like metal, she couldn’t form any words. Finally, she murmured, “I’m tired, Kaz.” because really, what else was there to say?

And it all went dark.

KAZ

He had known something was off the moment he had laid eyes on her. The way she held herself, the way the men around her held her. His Wraith was proud, she would not allow herself to be held tightly like that unless she needed it, desperately. He hadn’t anticipated her to fall however, he would’ve rushed forward to help her stand had 1. many very armed people had not been surrounding her and 2. he had expected the moment at all. Inej didn’t fall, it was something she prided herself on. She never stumbled, she never lost her footing. To see her on her knees like that tore something in his chest, a switch flipped and all he wanted to do was set Van Eck’s trousers alight and watch flames consume his body. She’s hurt. He suddenly wanted to go back on the deal, keep Alys to them, and spit at Van Eck’s feet, before remembering that having Inej come back unharmed was never part of the deal. He should’ve said something, he shouldn’t have let something as important as that fall into ambiguity.

It pained him to watch her fall, even if it wasn’t that far of a fall. He rushed as fast as he could to follow her onto the boat, doing his best to track the others’ movements before going after the flower boat. Panic started edging at his thoughts as he saw her there, sprawled and barely breathing. But breathing nonetheless. He considered shaking her awake, he considered splashing water on her, but instead, he went against every single one of his instincts and simply placed a gloved hand on her arm. He gripped her softly, if she was even semi awake he hoped this would communicate his presence well enough. It made him feel better, anyways, to have her there, physical proof just under his palm.

His entire plan had fallen apart the moment he saw her hit the cobblestone of the bridge, the foundation of his house of cards becoming flimsy. A simple breeze would be enough to cause it to crumble at the open. There was much he had to think on, futurewise, but at the moment, the most important thing was getting Inej somewhere safe and quiet. Which would be considerably more difficult now that she was incapacitated but he would get this simple task done. He would do her this much, at least. After failing her in this matter and so much more, he could do this.

So this was how he found himself in the basement of the closest safe house he owned: tired, heated with anger, and searching for a word that felt stronger than worry.

He’d set Inej down on a cot in the corner, her frame thinner than he remembered, her weight so much lighter than the last time he’d carried her. He leaned against the wall, his grip on his cane like iron. There was nothing strong enough to describe the thoughts in his mind, the feelings rising in his chest. He’d always been protective of Inej, it was something understood in the Barrel. You didn’t touch Kaz Brekker’s Wraith. Of course, if you did it was likely she would handle you before word even reached him, but it was understood. Inej could take care of herself but his protection meant there were very few people who would attempt to hurt her. Van Eck was one of those people who crossed that line, apparently, and Kaz was ready to march back up those stairs and force the man to face the consequences Dirtyhands was preparing for him.

There wasn’t anything he could do while he waited. Plot his enemies demise, yes, but other than be consumed by his own thoughts, he had nothing to occupy him while Inej slept. So he just sat against the wall, his knees pulled up to his chest. He knew he must’ve looked a little ridiculous but he refused to leave, to do anything other than wait and know for sure that she was alright.

It was only an hour or so before she stirred, the rustling of the sheets deafening in the quiet of the dark room. He rose to his feet, taking several long strides to reach her bedside.

“Kaz?” she blinked up at him, eyes finally clear and expression less severe, if a little twisted from whatever pain she was experiencing. “What’s- where are we?”

“Somewhere safe.” he answered, crouching down to be at about her eye level. She tracked him, meeting his gaze evenly. “A safehouse. No one will find us here.”

She looked away, her eyes leaving his to stare up at the ceiling. “Did everyone get out?” “I think so.” he said. “It was more complicated than I expected, but everyone was prepared for worse than that.” She nodded softly, something he couldn’t quite understand in her expression. He watched carefully as she began pulling herself up into a sitting position, which she could do easily enough. That was a relief, nothing from the waist up was hurt enough to keep her lying in bed. The rest of her however…

“What did he do to you?” he couldn’t help himself, his anger was stronger than anything. His words were biting, every bit of disgust and fury he felt seeping into them. He tried to back off a bit, though, when he focused on the present again and saw her. She looked… well, she looked a few steps away from timid. Not quite there, Inej could never be timid, but she twisted her sleeve between her fingers, the gesture was enough to make Kaz believe there was something more weighing on her. He could sense it easily, Kaz was smart, he knew Inej, knew what was important to her. She was an acrobat and an acrobat was nothing without their legs to keep them steady. To have that pulled from her- no matter how temporary it was or wasn’t- must be incredibly difficult to manage mentally. He wanted to reach out, to place his hand on top of hers and stop her anxious twitching. Comfort her in some way.

He didn’t do that, though, he simply sat back on his heels and waited in the silence.

“He- uh-” she bit her bottom lip, fighting against a quiver at the edge of her voice. He didn’t say a word, he let her collect her words before speaking again.

“He broke my leg.” she said finally, her voice steady in a way that was easily discerned as fake. Her hand curled into a fist beside her, gripping tightly to the sheets she sat on. “He broke my leg, Kaz.”

He still didn’t know what to say. He supposed any other person in this moment would move to comfort her but he was not that person, he was not the right person for this moment. He should have the right words prepared, shouldn’t he? What had he wanted someone to tell him when he broke his own leg? He wasn’t sure. Their two situations were far too different from each other, in his mind, he couldn’t try and compare them. Saints, why couldn’t he just know what the right thing to do was? He was supposed to be self assured, confident, but when it came to things like this… yes, he was more than a little lost.

“It’ll get better,” he said finally. “Rest and a good medik. We’ll get-”

“That won’t-” she cut herself off, eyes looking off into the distance but the distance was really just the wall opposite the bed. “Not with something like this. Bed rest won’t put my bones back together. I won’t- it’s not going to ‘get better’.”

That silenced him, he pressed his lips together tightly. He had no rebuttal. He knew very little about medicine, so he couldn’t offer her any assurances in that regard. He wouldn’t be able to tell her one way or the other, so he just said nothing about that again.

“He made sure of it,” she went on, her voice weighed with hundreds of pounds of anger and grief. “He made sure it was broken in a way that would never be the same. It’ll never- I won’t ever be the same.”

“I…” he didn’t have the right words to console her. There wasn’t anything he could say that would bridge the gap between them, her anger and sorrow was warranted, and he was simply along for the ride. He had never been one for comforting words, it was never his forte. He simply let his presence speak for itself. If he cared enough to be there, that should be enough. He found many others didn’t agree with that, but to him, it was enough. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t waste his time. He had never wanted to be better at formulating comforts as much as right then. He wanted to reach across this divide between them he had cultivated with every cold shoulder and every moment of distance, but it was a divide he had created for a reason. He could not breach it now, he felt that it was too late. There was a time and place for everything, besides. The time and place for rocking the boat was not now, most definitely.

“You’ll be okay, Wraith.” it was the best he could come up with, which he knew was woefully insufficient. Worse than insufficient, in hindsight, it was one of the worst things that could’ve fallen from his mouth in that moment.

“Don’t you see, I can’t be your Wraith anymore, Kaz!” she burst out, turning to look at him with shining eyes and pain written on every part of her face.

His lips parted in understanding. It hadn’t gone over his head, the thought that this injury would keep her from wall climbing or jumping from rooftops. He just hadn’t stopped to think about (or maybe had avoided it altogether) how that would affect… whatever it was that held the two of them together. They were held together with a thin piece of thread, constantly having a fear looming over them that they would snap apart and be unable to put the pieces back together. That once the string broke, they would no longer fit together anymore. He couldn’t imagine doing any of this without her, even just the week she had been kidnapped by Van Eck had been a misery. What was he to do if she left the Dregs?

“I’m not a valuable investment anymore.” she bit out finally, her words cold. “You shouldn’t have come for me. You wouldn’t have, had you known.”

It was something he couldn’t stand to feel fall on his ears. His anger was stronger than anything else, at Van Eck for doing this to her, at himself for making her believe all of these things she said. He knew he had been the one to plant the seed of doubt in her mind from the very beginning. Every harshness, every time he turned away, he had made her believe she was nothing more than an investment that, when expired, could be easily tossed aside. He couldn’t let it stand, he wouldn’t. “I would come for you.” he said, this time without hesitation. It was something he had to say. He had to. And when she shot him a look filled to the brim with doubt, he said it again. “I would come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I'd crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together — knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.”

There was a long stretch of silence and for a moment, he partially panicked. He might’ve said the wrong thing, might’ve upset her further. Since when did he care about the right or the wrong thing to say? He was Kaz Brekker, and he didn’t care what opinions others held for him and he never had. That was a lie, of course, one he told himself in the late hours of the night and every minute of the day when he couldn’t shake the feeling he got every time he looked at Inej. It was the biggest lie anyone had ever told him, and he was telling it to himself. He cared about her opinion, he cared about her opinion of him, and more than anything, he simply cared about her. Cut and dry. Simple as anything.

She didn’t reply, simply turned her head slightly to the side, a soft shadow obscuring any expression that might’ve broken through. She nodded after a minute, and that was the end of it for now. He stood, leaning against his weight against his cane. The walk from the river to this safe house had been difficult on him, he’d had to carry Inej and his cane in his arms, forcing each step. He would feel it tomorrow, most likely, but he did not regret it. He walked to the desk on the other side of the room, pulling out some crackers and a waterskin. He handed them to her in silence, watching as she tentatively bit into the cracker, chewing slowly. She was already small to begin with, looking at her and seeing so much less caused a little worry to nag at the back of his mind. He pushed it aside, she would be alright.

“Rest.” he said finally. “We’ll meet the others in a bit. For now, just rest.”

#six of crows #kaz brekker #inej gafha #kaz x inej #kanej #kanej fic #six of crows fic #six of crows fanfic #grishaverse #AAAAAND please let this be good I have not read in months I beliee #I legit don't remember writing this-

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yelenasdog · 3 years

Text

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐒 𝟏

♰ 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔲𝔫𝔰𝔢𝔱

genre: fluff

summary: new school, new faces. or maybe not? part one to a series explaining the pictures of my college au moodboard “new faces”.

words: 2k

warnings: pining, cursing, kissing, lots of inaccuracies to the show, that’s all i can think of.

a/n: i haven’t done anything for cm in quite some time but i got this random poof of inspo so here take it LMAO roger fic coming really soon.

♀♀♀

It was their first kiss. First date, actually.

Emily was a senior at Georgetown, having just transferred from University of Pittsburgh for her last year. Both schools were an odd choice for the young woman, the former proving to be the wrong fit, as it turned out. It angered her mother that she had been transferring so close to graduation, and frankly Emily could care less, but for some reason, she felt her skin itch at any thought of staying at that horrid place just a semester longer.

She wasn’t quite sure as to why. Her questions might have been answered, though, her first day on the new campus.

The fall air was chilly and crisp, her nose running ever so slightly as she would pull her burgundy jacket tighter around herself in a desperate grab at warmth, it all to no avail. She kept trying, though, pulling the tie around her waist so tight that it felt as if she was in a corset.

(Not that she would know, she’d refused to ever get near one. The whole idea of them scared her.)

She watched the colorful leaves crunch under her boots, enjoying the sound and feeling a great deal, the texture reminding her fondly of moments from her youth, the few fond ones she had, anyway. She smiled softly, looking up to see the leaves swirl around a familiar looking blonde head of hair.

A few of the leaves got stuck in the hay colored (now) mess, and she only smiled at it, reaching up a gentle hand to pick them out. She grinned down at them and bit her pink lips, watching as they dropped to the cobblestone from her hand. She continued on with a pep in her step, and to put it lightly, Emily was infatuated.

She thought about the blue eyed beauty for the rest of the day, her elegance, her lips that somehow weren’t chapped in the horribly cold weather (which not that Emily knew yet, but was because of the cinnamon peppermint chapstick that the mystery girl kept in her right pocket), and her aura, so to say, as a whole. The voice in her head told her to simmer down, that it was unrealistic that someone as seemingly bright and sunny would even think about spending a flicker of precious time with someone like her. Emily should have been more confident, as she would learn, as mystery girl had been thinking of her, too.

Yes, Jennifer Jareau was thinking of the unknown girl with the wonderfully long eyelashes, and the shiny dark hair that was similar to the shade of black that graced the feather of the crows she would see down by the pond she passed on her morning runs. Her mind was otherwise occupied from all normal affairs, consumed by thoughts of her ripped and pale lips that the enticing other woman darted her tongue across mere seconds after the last time she had, every single time.

Jennifer had wished to tell the girl that licking her lips only dried them out more, only wanting to help relieve her of any possible pain, as that’s what Jennifer always did. That’s why she told herself she was thinking of the drop dead gorgeous girl who she had sworn she’d seen before, and she promised to herself she would find her and let her know.

And apparently, she would.

It wouldn’t be for a few hours, though, not until they both ended up at the top floor of the library, the quietest one where there was a silent rule that speaking was forebode. Emily internally cursed herself for that, feeling damned that fate would put her in a position of such pining, yearning. It was an ironic situation, though, as Emily would like to believe that she would have the confidence in herself enough to actually go up to the blonde and make conversation, maybe ask her for a study date? But, she wouldn’t. Not today.

Jennifer would, though. Jennifer would catch notice of the brunette lurking behind the single bookshelf in the upper level, as it was only really there for storage and the shelves were sparse. So with her heart beating and her palms sweaty, she went down the flights of stairs, her feet silent against the carpet. They would sound out again when she reached the tile flooring of the second level, and she screwed her eyes shut, hoping that somehow the girl followed her and that JJ would hear her footprints.

She didn’t care how ridiculous she looked, all bundled up and standing in the middle of a group of tables with her eyes closed, almost like she was trying to turn invisible, hiding in plain sight. Honestly, she very well may have been.

A few beats passed, and Jennifer gave up on her non existent spidey senses, deciding to try to actually rid her mind of raven girl, as she had decided to call her until she knew her real name, and study for her upcoming exam that she her until she knew her real name, and study for her upcoming exam that she somehow had, despite it only being the sophomores first day.

So she sat quietly as she read through her criminology textbook, humming some tune that her friend had introduced her to, something by a new indie group. Her humming came to a cease, though, when she heard a thud. She looked up, a small gasp falling from her glossed lips at who was sitting across from her.

She looked right back down to the tanned wood of the table, as soon as she saw warm brown eyes boring into her. Then, it was quiet, just the bustle of those around her. Pages flipping, pencils scratching, and small groans escaping from tired students as they went.

“Why’d you stop?”

Jennifer’s breath caught in her throat, her perfectly manicured hand freezing on the paragraph she was reading. Raven girl's voice had caught her off guard, deep and smooth, like honey.

“I’m sorry, what do you mean?” The blonde stuttered out, still having a hard time meeting her eyes.

“Your humming, I liked it, it was nice. Don’t tell me you stopped because of me!” She leaned forward on her arm, quirking a perfect eyebrow. They both laughed, and Emily felt she hadn’t ever in her life heard such a golden and melodic sound before.

“Sorry, sorry, you just caught me by surprise, that’s all.”

“I don’t believe we’ve met, I’m Emily. I just transferred here from-”

“University of Pittsburgh?”

A look of bewilderment came across Emily's stark features, along with a sly smile. “How’d you know,”

“Jennifer. My name’s Jennifer. I came here for my grad studies a while back.”

Emily chuckled again, falling back to her chair. “God, I swore you looked so familiar.” She said, watching as Jennifer laughed and shook her head. Jennifer closed her book, observing that Emily never had even opened hers. She placed it in her bag slinging it over her shoulder. She stood, Emily following suite.

“Small world, right, Emily?”

She nodded immediately, tightening her own grip on her satchel. The leather was cool on her calloused fingers,

“Care to chat with me about it over a coffee?”

And that’s how they ended up sitting in the quaint cafe just down the road, watching as the sun started to sink, beverages in hand. Jennifer had found out that Emily preferred her coffee black, while Emily had found out that Jennifer liked hers with 2 hazelnut creams and 4 sugars. The thought made both girls smile, finding that both drinks fit their personalities perfectly.

Growing impatient, Emily ran her tongue over her lips again, feeling the peeling skin, the taste bitter and the sores burning. She leaned closer to Jennifer, like she had earlier in the library. Jennifer could feel her breath fanning over her neck, and it gave her butterflies, just like the ones she can remember being so obsessed with in her youth.

“What do you say we get outta here, find somewhere to watch the sunset?”

Jennifer only nodded bashfully, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and standing, taking Emily's hand as it had been offered to her, following her wherever she may go.

Now, they were sitting on the concrete of the rooftop to the freshman dorms, Emily somehow managing to get through, claiming she had some friends who would be happy to let her up. Apparently, she wasn’t bluffing.

“Sunset’s gorgeous, huh?” Jennifer spoke, her hands feeling the rough material beneath her, the wind blowing against her face. Her hair floated around her like a halo, and though Emily had lost much faith, if she had to spot an angel, her money was on them looking just like the girl next to her. Her eyes never left Jennifer’s silhouette as she spoke, her focus captured.

“Yeah. Breathtaking.”

Jennifer turned to meet her gaze, both of them fully understanding what breathtaking, really, truly meant in that moment. It was the windswept hair, breathtaking, really, truly meant in that moment. It was the windswept hair, watery eyes, red noses. Bright smiles, hands basically itching to reach for the other.

“Does everyone call you Jennifer?”

“I mean, my mom calls me Jen?”

Emily shook her head, saying “No, that won’t work. How about a last name?”

“Jareau.”

She took a second, using this as an opportunity to stall, decide her next move.

“I’ve got it! How about JJ? Yeah?”

Jennifer or JJ, smiled again, looking to her hands. She loved it, God, why did she love it? She knew the answer to that, because Emily had given it to her, it was new, exciting. Just like her.

“It’s that, or J squared. Which one?” She tilted her head, and then both laughed and smiled, something they found they would be doing a lot of together.

“Yeah, you’re right. JJ is good, it’s good.” She whispered, lifting her head. She was met with Emily, who had some troubled look upon her face. She was conflicted, that much JJ could tell, her few profiling classes she’d had serving her well.

They were close, now, and JJ could finally see the folds and cracks of the other girls lips, wanting nothing more than to just lean in and kiss them, once and for all.

“Y’know, uh, licking your lips makes dryness even worse.”

Emily's mouth made an “o”, a smile coming soon after.

“Really? Well then you’ve got to spill, what on Earth do you do to keep yours so damn perfect?”

“I- Fuck.”

Not waiting a second more, JJ rushed forward, connected their lips in what felt so long awaited, though they had only formally known each other for a few hours. The contrast of their skin was so enticing, so addicting, they couldn’t help but smile, teeth clashing and breaths mixing. They only separated to catch their breaths, chests heaving.

“It’s chapstick. I never leave home without it.” JJ commented, said chapstick having left remnants on Emily's lips. She nodded, opening her eyes.

“Yeah, I got that. Peppermint and,” She quickly flicked her tongue again, recognition becoming prevalent in her features. “cinnamon?”

JJ’s smile widened, as it had never left her face, and she nodded slowly, pulling the tube out from her right pocket. She popped off the lid, shifting positions so that she was straddling Emily's lap, her hair dangling in her eyes.

“Is this okay?” She questioned, the chapstick still in her shaky hand. Emily nodded vigorously, her heart beating quite fast, her mind repeating all the possibilities that could go wrong like some sort of mantra.

“Yeah, this is more than okay.” She laughed, her eyes crinkling at the corners. JJ did the same, putting on another round of the solution before leaning down and placing a long kiss on Emily's lips. She pulled away, running the tube over them again, “just for good measure” she had said.

When they finally had left the cold rooftop, hand in hand, the sky had turned into an indigo sheet, the stars in it shimmering as bright as ever.

“Em?” JJ had questioned, stopping in her tracks. Emily looked over, raising her brows and tilting her head, resembling a puppy.

“Hmm?”

“Can we do this again?”

The question hung in the air, and Emily savoured it, letting it sink in deeply, as deep as it could go. They started walking again, their heels echoing loudly against the wet stone.

“Yeah, JJ. I’d like that.”

♀♀♀

hmmmmmmm interesting ANYWAY i’ll make a pt two prolly idk peace ily go drink water and eat protein

edit: i just reread this this is so horrible what the FAWK im so sorry never let me write when im pulling an all nighter ever again

xx hj

#jemily #jj jareau #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #jemily fic #jennifer jareau x emily prentiss #jj x emily #wlw fic #jj jareau fic #emily prentiss fic #idk what to tag this #cm #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #we will rock queue

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irwinkitten · 4 years

Text

quarantine and chill | poly!lashton

notes: so as some of you may know, i got hit with covid-19. i’d kept socials updated with my symptoms and how i was dealing with it but i’ve been quite on the aftermath of what i went through. so i did what i do best, i wrote. similar with teulu, i decided to write it out in the form of a fic. a lot of what happens is what i’ve had to struggle through with regards to recovery and what i’m still struggling with. there is a lot that i haven’t really talked about with it either, however i got the main points down and just wrote. if i was feeling better, i’d probably have shifted it to an oc but this felt much too personal to do. i was debating on whether or not this was going to be posted. at first i wasn’t, then i wasn’t sure. i finally decided to because i enjoy writing and i enjoy giving people something to read, something to enjoy. i also decided on poly!lashton mostly because of the interview on one of the instagram lives where ash said he cooks and i think it was with @sexgodashton where were talking about how ashton would mother hen you when you’re sick lmao and then i got daydreamy because i’ve been dealing with the whole situation alone and it’s difficult when your loved ones (both friends and family) are too far away and unable to be with you. i’m rambling at this point but yeah, tldr; this is really personal on how i recovered from that godforsaken virus. warnings: talks of dying, depression, sickness word count: 9k (oops)

donate to my ko-fi here

When you’d come home from closing up the store, it had been an almost nightmarish day for you. It felt surreal that the store was closing until further notice and you had no idea when you were going to even be back in your job again.

What frustrated you was the fact that you hadn’t been able to book a flight out to LA before the travel bans kicked in, leaving you to be self-isolating in your apartment for the duration of the lockdown, alone.

Luke and Ashton had both voiced their complaints, but no amount of money being thrown at the problem wasn’t getting you back to LA with them.

“How are you feeling?” Ashton asked over facetime whilst you tidied up. The simplicity of living in communal housing meant that you only had two rooms to tidy and keep clean. Luke and Ashton loved it for the fact that it afforded the three of you some privacy away from prying eyes of the media because you were tight-lipped about where you lived.

“Tired. I’ve cried a lot and I’m missing the both of you.” You admitted quietly as Luke popped into the screen, his head resting on Ashton’s shoulder. His lips wore a tired smile, one that you could match.

“We’re missing you too, love.” Luke’s voice was comforting. You finally settled down on the couch, your body sinking into the cushions and sighed.

“You know you don’t have to worry right? Ash and I are gonna help you.” The reassurance from Luke made your lips twitch up.

“I know. I’m just frustrated. They should have made this decision well over a week ago.”

Neither of them could say much against that. You’d told the company bosses that you were at risk, you’d warned them that the store wouldn’t pull in enough money to warrant staying open for the week.

But they’d simply said that they were following government guidelines. It had been nothing but frustration for the three of you.

“Are you both home finally?” Your question was much quieter and Ashton grimaced.

“Because I have a cough, they’ve organised us to be quarantined since we’re together. They’ve done the tests but I don’t think it’s anything, I think it’s just allergies playing up since I’ve been sneezing non stop.” Ashton explained and you sighed.

“Irony at its finest.” You received sad smiles in return from your boys.

“I’ve got some last minute paperwork to finish up and send off since I couldn’t do so at the shop. How about I call you both tomorrow?” Luke pouted and you giggled at the expression, your heart lifting that little bit.

“Fine but next time I’m hogging the phone.” Luke muttered and you laughed before blowing them both a kiss.

“Love you both, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

The paperwork was easy to finish off and left you a few hours to shower and change whilst tidying up around.

When you crawled into bed, you checked your phone to see a photo of the two of them snuggled up together, Ashton practically smothering Luke. You sent them one back of you with the bear they’d gotten you, sprayed in their cologne.

When you woke up the next day, there was only a slight difference, your blocked nose making you groan.

“Fucking allergies.” Was muttered as you made your way to the bathroom, waving to one of your neighbours who was just leaving the kitchen.

You’d decided to stock up on food, making quick work of the short walk. It was nice to be able to still move about in the fresh air at least, offering a small, yet nervous smile at the cashier as you paid for your shopping, packed it in your bag and made your way home.

Before you even realised it, you’d settled on the couch and fallen asleep, wrapped up in your fluffy blanket, eyes heavy as you set an alarm.

You slept through the alarm and when you next woke up, there were three missed facetimes from Luke. You called him back immediately.

“There’s the love of our lives.” Luke crowed when he answered, making you laugh. It was followed by a cough which made Luke pause, his eyes studying the screen. “Said love of our lives doesn’t look too well.” The concern was evident and you rolled your eyes.

“It’s probably allergies and my body finally relaxing from the last three weeks of stress.” Luke didn’t look convinced but you managed to switch the conversation. “Did you find out the results of Ashton’s test?”

“Yeah, he came up negative. Since we’ve been quarantined for what, three weeks now? We’ll probably be on the next essential flight back home. But that won’t be for another week from what they’ve said. We both agreed to hang back long enough to let other people go ahead.” You frowned at that.

“But baby, you guys need to be back for the launch.” He shook his head.

“Ash was quite forceful with management on this one. There isn't going to be any kind of physical launch so we’re cleared to be delayed, just as long as we have a good wifi connection for the weekend for the various streams.” You sighed but understood their concerns.

“How is our no longer sick drummer boy?” You finally asked and as if he was waiting for the question, he all but piled himself on top of Luke, a muffled whine escaping as he tried to shove Ashton off him.

You laughed.

“Behave children otherwise no rewards.” You teased them, making the two of them laugh as they settled themselves down on the sofa they were on.

The conversation was easy between the three of you as they both excitedly discussed the possible plans they had for the album release, relying on them being home on time to do so.

“It wouldn’t do well to be still in the air when we do the release party, but knowing our luck...” Ashton trailed off, making you snort.

“Knowing our luck, that’s what would happen.” You grinned and he rolled his eyes.

“Probably.”

The three of you talked until you were dropping off, and despite voicing their concerns, you waved them off, pointing out that you always got like this during allergy season. Ashton didn’t argue the point, but Luke still frowned in concern.

“We love you, sunshine. Get some decent rest please.” He’d pleaded with you and you gave them both a gentle smile in return, hoping that it was at least semi-reassuring.

“I’ll be fine, but I’ll go to bed. Love you two.”

“Love you more.” Came the unified response before the call dropped and you settled back asleep.

Part of you knew that you should’ve realised that they had every right to be concerned when you woke up the following morning.

Your entire body was aching. And what concerned you most was the tightness across your chest coupled with the pain radiating across your body.

When you checked your temperature, you felt your stomach sink at the fact that your fever had crept up and was alarmingly high. So you called the helpline, putting the phone on speaker whilst you waited to get through, sending a text to the group chat you had with your boyfriends.

‘Woke up with fever and body hurts. Struggling to breath too so checking in with the helpline to see what i need to do. Don’t know if I’m gonna be up for calling later bc I wanna sleep.’

You felt bad but you could already feel the drowsiness pull at your body.

When you got through and described your symptoms, the lady on the other end advised you to self-isolate and upon the symptoms getting worse, to call the emergency services.

You relayed the information back to Luke and Ashton before falling asleep after taking some medication, trying to desperately ignore how much your body ached as you slept.

The first few days, it felt like you’d been run over with a truck repeatedly, but what concerned you was the pain that was radiating from your kidneys. Both Luke and Ashton knew of your previous history with kidney failure and both had been urging you to go into the hospital, but you’d couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t that bad.

By day four, both of your boyfriends were worried because you’d mentioned to them that you were unable to breath properly. It was late at night, but with the pain reaching an overwhelming point, you knew it was pointless to argue. Even your friends had been urging you to contact the helpline once more.

You’d been on hold for over an hour as the pain got worse. You were struggling to focus and it was everything you could do to try and breathe through the agony that was radiating through your body, so you cut off from the hold music and contacted the emergency services.

This time fear started to settle into your stomach as you answered the questions posed to you, trying to get across that it wasn’t a block of flats but a shared home.

The operator understood and urged you to get help from your neighbours to at least let the crew into the building. You were nervous enough about standing up by yourself but you managed.

When you stood from your bed, the walk to the door, even though it was five steps away, the agony that shot up your legs had you stumbling into the door.

Pulling it open, despite your neighbour’s door being six feet away, you knew you weren’t going to be able to stumble that far. The pain was steadily getting worse and tears started falling down your cheeks.

“Can someone help?” You finally got out, gasping for a breath once the words were out. Your neighbour was quick to open the door and knew something was wrong.

“What’s happened, are you okay?”

“Can’t breathe. Called medics, but need someone to let them in.” You gasped out and he nodded, taking a step closer.

“Lets sit you down and I’ll get one of the others to go and wait for them.” The firm grip on your arms supported you, your own hands grasping his arms to keep you from falling as he slowly walked you back to the edge of your bed, setting you down gently.

The pain receded slightly.

“I’m gonna prop the door open and get one of the others to come and give me a hand, is that okay?” And you could only nod tearfully as you tried to take in slow breaths, despite the pain that was radiating from your chest.

With the door propped open, you could hear him banging on the other doors, calling for help and explaining the situation. The hallway wasn’t very long but their voices carried down to you as you tried, and failed, to calm down.

And then the medics were there, pulling the blanket from your shoulders despite how cold you were feeling.

“It’s because of the fever, your body is already warm, you won’t be helping yourself with the blankets.”

They asked various questions and you tried to answer in the gasping breaths, but then the pain shot up and it felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“Okay, we’re getting you to the hospital.”

You could barely move, but between the medic and your neighbour, they managed to get the things you needed and help you down the stairs. It took much longer, but you knew that rushing wasn’t going to help and the pain was pushing close to hitting 10 for you.

Once in the ambulance, you had a cannula inserted, laughing breathlessly between your tears at the first failed attempt and the second attempt to find a vein.

When you reached the hospital, waiting to hear where you needed to be taken, you finally got out your phone, the morphine hindering your ability to focus, hitting the audio button instead to send a voice note to your now worried boyfriends.

“At the hospital. Been given some morphine but still hurts. Missing you and love you lots.” You could barely keep your eyes open, the words slurring together. The medic gave you a kind smile.

“Partner?” You nodded, the motion making you feel nauseous.

“Need to drive to the other side, they’ve got a specific ward set up.” You heard and realised belatedly that the driver must have turned up. The drive was short and finally you were helped from the vehicle into a waiting wheelchair. You were too tired to protest and you knew it would be quicker for you to get situated.

You could hear them talking, explaining your medical history and the symptoms you were displaying. Part of your mind was listening but the other part of your mind was wondering how Ashton and Luke were.

You missed them.

Once in a room, the nurses took over and did some more tests. Eventually you were left alone, your fever creeping higher despite the fact that you felt so cold. You were tired, but the pain that was radiating from your kidneys and joints, it was enough to keep you awake, unable to relax to sleep.

Your phone was going off every few minutes, various people messaging you, making sure that you were okay. The only ones you were really replying to were Luke and Ashton, but even then it was sparse.

It didn’t stop them from worrying.

When the doctor on shift came into your bare room, it took every effort to focus on her words.

“We’ve taken some bloods to help rule out any other possibilities, despite displaying symptoms of the virus. When we have the first results of your bloods back, we’ll be moving you onto one of the wards, so it should be another hour or so.”

You nodded your head, eyes heavy as you let out a tired sigh.

“Any idea of how long I’ll be here for?” Despite the mask in place, you could see her cheeks lifting up into what you assumed was a smile.

“Less than 24 hours, I’d assume. Try to get some rest, another nurse will be taking some obs in about an hour, before you need to be moved hopefully.” You nodded tiredly, curling up on your side. It seemed to be the only relief you could find.

You drifted in and out, the stark quietness of your room so different to the usual noises you had of cars passing by or Ashton and Luke’s steady breathing.

When the nurse came back in, you were beyond exhausted. You felt nauseous and the pain wasn’t receding.

“We’re going to be moving you instead, they’ll do all the obs that they need once you’re settled in the room. I’m just waiting on the porters.” You nodded tiredly as she unplugged your phone charger and placed your bag at the bottom of the bed.

You kept your face turned into the pillow, the lights hurting your eyes.

“Sensitive to the light?” Came a kind voice, you could only let out a muffled noise of agreement. When you were wheeled into the room, the light was dimmed down and you felt more relaxed.

Glancing at the time you hadn’t realised it’d been so long. The numbers read 7am and you could feel your body shaking, your mind taking a minute to catch up with the fact that you were cold.

The next few hours were difficult. You went from being too hot to freezing cold, the pain creeping up as you tried to curl in on yourself to warm up. Even with additional blankets, you were still shaking, teeth chattering when you tried to talk.

When they took the second round of bloods, you didn’t offer any argument, simply holding out your arm for them to take the blood from. Things were getting hazy and you couldn’t focus on the nurse as he spoke to you about what was going to happen.

You knew some of it was tiredness. Despite the mini naps you were having, you hadn’t slept solidly in nearly 48 hours.

“We’re going to be coming in to do the test in a moment.” You found yourself confused as a different nurse explained what was going to happen and she took her time to make sure you understood each part.

Once it was done, your cough having flared up after having the swab hit the back of your throat you noticed that you had missed calls.

‘How did I not hear them?’ You thought to yourself, confused. You clicked on the notification and realised it was Luke that had been calling.

“Hi angel, we were just checking in.” His voice seemed to set off the tears, unable to understand why you were so tearful. But he heard the sniffle.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. You know we’re here for you.”

“I just wanna be home with you two.” You choked out, a cough escaping, the motion making you feel sick.

“I know angel, what have the doctors said?” You tried to steady your breathing so you wouldn’t set your coughing off again.

“Two weeks self quarantine.” You finally got out, wiping a few stray tears away. You heard the two of them sigh in unison.

“Maybe we could—”

“Ash no. If they are sick with the virus, it’s likely to just pass between the three of us.” Luke interrupted and you had to hold back the sob.

“I’m scared.” You finally admitted quietly and tried to stop the sob that was crawling up your throat. You knew that if you’d started, you were most likely not going to stop.

“Baby.” Ashton whispered and you sucked in a deep breath, determined not to ask the question.

“Lu’s right. It’d just pass between the three of us. I should have maybe another week of symptoms.” Your voice was quiet but they heard you.

“We’re not going home.” Luke’s voice finally filtered through. “Not with you being in hospital and not with you being so sick. We’re staying in a hotel till your symptoms die down and then we’re gonna come and look after you.”

You couldn’t even argue with them. They were both as stubborn as mules and having them would make the recovery easier with some help.

“How are you gonna get here?” You finally gasped out.

“We’ve got a rented car. We extended it the day you got sick.” You felt your heart warm at their words.

“Okay.” You finally muttered.

Eventually you were discharged with medication for the fever and a reminder to keep your fluid intake up at least.

The journey back was exhausting.

The medic was kind enough to chat to you about your job, about Luke and Ashton. He didn’t bat an eyelash when you mentioned them both. He was quick to help you figure out where the turning was, especially in the dark. And he helped you to the door of the building.

Just the journey up the stairs was tiring, and your neighbours heard you arrive, the three of them checking that you were okay.

“Until my breathing gets worse, I can self manage at home. However, I need rest and my body currently feels like I’ve been run over multiple times.”

One of them checked about collecting your food shop the following morning and you smiled in return before getting into your bedroom and collapsing on the bed.

You made sure that your phone charger was plugged in before sending a text to Luke and Ashton saying you were home. It was barely another five minutes before you fell into a fitful sleep.

The following day you were woken to a knock on your door, but you could barely move. Sleep had been scarce and your joints felt so heavy.

“Don’t try and get up! Just letting you know that I’m off to get your shopping! I should be back in an hour or so.” Your neighbour called through the door and you felt a little bit of relief flood you at that.

“Thanks!” You called back before coughing, twisting sharply to the side where the bowl lay, your body aching when the coughing stopped.

You’d had the bowl lay there since the night before you’d gone into hospital, terrified that the coughing would lead you to throwing up. You weren’t good with vomit at the best of times but this was another level.

Collapsing onto your back, taking in slow deep breaths as you tried to calm your heart down, you took a few moments before taking some meds, pulling the covers off your body to help you cool down. This was the one thing about fever that wasn’t fun for you.

You ended up napping on and off, unable to pay attention to your phone at the various texts coming through from concerned friends before there was another knock on the door which jolted you awake, despite feeling disorientated.

“I’m leaving the bags just outside your doors! Give me a couple of minutes and I’ll have them all up.” You didn’t reply as you heard the hallway door shut, and instead slowly moved to collect one of the face masks you’d been given, slipping it on with ease before grabbing disinfectant wipes.

You ignored the dizziness that caught you off guard, taking a steadying breath as you waited, leaning heavily against the door.

“Right, they’re all there for you chicken!” Your neighbours voice was more distant and you hesitantly opened the door. He was standing halfway down the hallway, a kind smile on his face.

“How are you feeling today?” The concern was genuine and you could only shrug.

“A lot of pain. Not sleeping well.” You got out breathlessly. He frowned.

“Well if you need anything, you’ve got my number now, so just give me a text, especially if you need any drinks. You take care of yourself now.” You lifted your hand in acknowledgement before propping open the living room door and heading in there where your fridge sat.

When the food was put away, you were half staggering the few steps back to your bed, barely getting your mask off and on your desk before you half collapsed on your bed.

Glancing at your phone there was a missed call from Ashton.

“Hi love, you weren’t responding so we figured to call you.” His voice was hesitant when you’d accepted the call.

“Everything hurts Ash.” You finally sobbed, your body protesting the movement, but in that moment you couldn’t care. You missed them both and with the combined pain, it didn’t help.

“Baby.” Luke’s voice was soft and you knew they were worried, but you were too far gone to understand their worries. You just wanted them.

“Want you both, and can’t even have that because of this fucking virus.” You got out a cough ending the sentence as you tried to catch your breath and not choke.

“Calming breaths sweetheart. You’re okay.” Ashton soothed immediately and you tried to follow his instructions. But everything hurt. There was a sharp pain in your chest, coupled with the pain in your lower back as well as the joint aches. It practically burned you.

“Do you think you can manage a shower later, love? It might help.” Luke’s voice was hesitant once you were calm enough and you took in a deep breath.

“Maybe.” You got out, your voice quieter and they knew you were tired.

“Rest for a bit angel, see if you can try and get a few hours at least.” Ashton encouraged and you could feel the heaviness wash over you as you settled down.

“Love you both.” You tiredly got out before you let yourself sink into sleep, taking a slow deep breath as you did.

You didn’t hear their returned words or them cutting the call, you’d fallen asleep easily and your body relaxed just a little bit as you slept.

When you next woke up, it was dark. Making sure that you were at least drinking, you had another glass of juice followed by some water before pulling yourself up to take a shower. You texted them both and your best friend to let them know you’d slept some and you were about to attempt a shower.

It was slow going, trying to keep yourself upright, but the steam helped clear your sinuses, making sure you got every part of you with the scrubber before just standing under the shower, your hands pressed into the cold tiles to keep you upright.

It’d been thirty minutes by the time you’d returned to your room, feeling more tired than when you’d first woken, so you took the opportunity to try and get more sleep.

That was when the coughing became so violent at two in the morning that you felt like you were practically choking on air, unable to catch a breath until you’d rolled onto your side and something cleared enough for you to take a gasping breath, your heart racing so fast that you had to call your best friend to calm down.

It became frightening as days began to pass and you could barely recall them, your mind confused and muddled with exhaustion mixed in with the hunger that was plaguing you. But when you’d eaten, your body had rejected the food immediately so you didn’t try again.

By day ten, you were struggling. You’d cried far too much and your body felt like lead. You knew that both Luke and Ashton were concerned at this point, knowing that this was the point where either you’d start to get better or it could get worse.

Two days later, between fitful nap and gasping breaths after a coughing fit, your phone went off.

It was Ashton.

“Baby?” You got out tiredly, keeping measured breaths as you sat up slowly.

“Take a look outside your bedroom window.” You frowned, moving to the otherside of the room, leaning enough to peer out of your open window before a sob escaped.

They both stood there, arms laden with bags. Both were looking up at you.

“Reckon you can come let us in angel? Lu and I are gonna commandeer your living room ‘till you’re better.” It took everything in you not to go racing down the stairs. You knew it would set you back further so you took hesitant breaths before looking back to your phone then you heard a voice in the hallway.

You were quick enough to catch your neighbour as he was heading back to his room.

“You alright there petal?” His voice was concerned and you held your hand up indicating you needed a moment to catch your breath. He waited patiently.

“My, my partners, they’re downstairs with some shopping and taking over my living room till I’m better. Could you let them in for me please?” You were hesitant in asking, but the pleading eyes you had seemed to have his shoulders wilt as he took a step forward.

“I take it they’re gonna be self-isolating for the two weeks they need to?” You nodded.

“I’ve got to wait seven days after my fever stops as it is before I can even be in the same room as them. I know that they’re worried and being so far hasn’t really helped.” He smiled kindly.

“Got you, petal. Get back in and I’ll go get them for you.”

You could hear their voices get closer and it took everything in you not to throw yourself out of the room at them. You didn’t want them to get sick.

“Delivered safely petal, feel better soon.” Your neighbour called and you tried not to let out a sob.

“Hi angel.” It took everything in you not to open the door. You had to clench your hands into a fist, head resting on the door.

“I don’t know what’s harder. You both being away, or you being so close but I can’t even see you.” You let out a choked cough and Luke let out a soothing noise.

“Well we’ve got you some good wifi now, and we’re here for you angel. We’ve got a couple of streams and you best be watching when we go live.” You let out a breathless giggle. They were there.

The first few days were the hardest. They’d leave cartons of juice and bottles of water outside your door. It finally added to fruit when you managed to keep an orange down.

Watching them do the streams from your living room was strange, but it seemed to settle your anxiety that they were so close. You could see it was being brought up about their shared change of scenery which prompted them to explain after you’d texted Ashton and told him that it was okay for them to know about your situation.

“So our partner, well they got pretty sick at the start of last week. We were already stuck in the UK at this point, so we just extended it so that we’d be with them when they got better. None of us handle being sick alone very well.” This made the other three laugh. You grinned.

“I think that extends to the rest of the band too.” Luke piped up, making the other two complain loudly. You giggled before coughing violently.

“Oops. As you can probably hear, it got real bad and real close by the end of last week. It’s why we were so distracted on the live because we were so worried. When they told us that they’d slept for a solid six hours last night, we made the drive back to theirs, shopping in tow to help look after them. We can’t see them, and Luke and I are stuck on the couch for the next two weeks at least, but we couldn’t just fly out and leave them alone.”

Ashton’s explanation had well wishes pouring in for you and it warmed your heart to see that there were fans that cared.

Part of you wished you could at least be watching them, or better yet, be cuddled up with them, to hell with the stream. But you knew they were trying to keep the focus on the album. You’d already had texts from the others to check in with you and you took your time to reply to them and settle down, your eyes heavy as you snuggled under the covers.

It was nice to watch them, seeing the ease in the way they joked about. You knew they worried but it was obvious to anyone who saw them when you’d gone into hospital that the tension that was sat on the both of them was both obvious and heartbreaking.

You could see the shadows under Luke’s eyes and you wondered if they traded the nights between each other to make sure they wouldn’t miss an update or a call.

You tried to squash down the guilt instant that reared up. They were doing this because they cared. There was nothing in it for them, apart from the possibility of you getting better. But you knew they expected nothing back.

Your eyes were tired and you took in the time. It was creeping closer to midnight so you closed off the stream and texted the chat to let them both know you were going to sleep. Had you stayed on the stream a few moments longer, you’d have seen Ashton’s face relax as a gentle smile crept onto his lips, causing the two that were still stateside to tease him.

The following morning was better in some way but also worse. Your cough wasn’t easing up but your fever seemed to have broken in the night.

You weren’t overheating but you weren’t cold either. You took a few moments to move your limbs and regretted it almost instantly. But you knew that if your fever stayed down, it would be a further week until you weren’t contagious.

Part of you wanted to practically sing in joy, but as you took in the early morning, you decided against that, knowing your men would be fast asleep still.

Slowly you got yourself up, collecting your shower stuff before making your way down the hallway to the shower. The warm water felt almost luxurious on your skin as you took care in washing your hair, still leaning against the cold tiles to keep yourself upright, your legs trembling as you did so.

It took the same amount of time as the previous shower, but once you were clean, you knew it made a small amount of difference as you stumbled back to your room, crawling under the covers to take a well deserved nap.

You missed the text from Luke asking if you were awake.

Now that you seemed to be stomaching food, Ashton kept it simple with dry toast, not willing to push your body too far. And you agreed with his judgement after he’d placed it in front of your door and you waited for the other door to close before you opened yours.

“Love you.” You felt your heart melt as he spoke through the door.

“Love you too Ash. Thank you.” You returned quietly before stepping back into your room. It was getting harder to stay in, especially when your cuddle monsters of boyfriends were just in the next room.

It hurt.

They FaceTimed with you to keep you company, both of them making a strong effort to not only keep you company but to also stop you from giving into temptation to just join them.

Ashton was practically insistent on that.

You knew by the time that you would be allowed to have them back in your room, their own self isolation would be over.

It didn’t fail to amuse you how Ashton started cooking once you started being able to stomach more than dry toast. It took a few goes but he kept it plain enough to not make your stomach complain but changed it up so you didn’t get bored of it.

What made it even better were the small notes of affection they left for you on the tray which held your food. You had them pinned up to your cork board without a second though, the small pieces of heaven from them only making it feel that much cosier.

Something to ward away the bad days in the future.

Luke snuck you some of your favourite snacks, even after the scolding Ashton gave him when he tried sneaking you a chocolate bar.

It’d made you giggle and they’d both paused to hear it.

It was a sound they hadn’t heard in nearly a month and it made their hearts soar.

Despite the pain you were in, it felt like you could at least breathe with the both of them with you. Even if you couldn’t see them.

By day nine after your fever had broken, you were beginning to feel semi human once more. You still had issues with exhaustion and light sensitivity, but you certainly felt more better than you had done in weeks.

Luke had given up on waiting.

“Ash, they said a week after the fever went down, they’d no longer be contagious. This is killing me.” You’d chosen to curl up on the side that was proclaimed as Luke’s side.

Your heart was feeling heavy again.

“I mean. We’re what? A week and a half?” Ashton’s voice was hesitant. You missed the mutter in return before the door opened and there was a knock on your door.

Luke stuck his head in and you wanted to cry.

“Reckon you can put up with some self care cuddles?” You simply nodded your head and shuffled into the middle of the bed. Luke wasted no time, his arms wrapped around you and you could feel every part of you seemingly shaking.

Ashton followed a few minutes later and your memory seemed to fail you in that moment. You could barely remember the last six weeks, but the feeling of comfort was something entirely different as they held you.

That was when you began to sob in earnest because you’d missed them. And they knew it.

When you’d calmed down, part of you felt torn because you wanted to hold them both, not let go and just lay there. But they didn’t protest when you’d snuggle up to one, legs tangled and arms wrapped around tight and eventually switch to the other.

If anything, it amused them both.

As the day got later, Ashton untangled himself, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. Luke was your current cuddle buddy of choice.

Turning your head, your confusion must have shown because Ashton smiled gently.

“We need to keep up with the meals, love. I’m gonna make some soup for all of us, how does that sound?” You hummed in agreement.

“It’s allowed I guess. But you gotta come back.” And he chuckled, leaning over to kiss your forehead, doing the same to Luke before disappearing out of your room.

“You realise that he’s going to mother hen you to death, right?” Luke teased and you shrugged.

“He’s here. You both are. That’s more than enough for me.” You murmured softly. Luke held you that little bit tighter.

“You up for a shower sweetheart?” You hesitated, your mind drifting back to the previous two times you showered. The hesitation must have been obvious because Luke pressed a kiss to the top of your head, not willing to push you.

“Will you, will you help? It’ll be a tight fit but, I struggled the last two times.” You finally admitted to him and he smiled.

“C’mon. We can let the chef know as we pass him.” You giggled at his words, allowing him to help you out of the bed and making your way slowly across the room. Luke didn’t push, but he kept his arms available and easy for you to grab if you needed him.

You’d made it to the kitchen before you relied on him a bit more, your joints achy and your legs shaking.

“Gonna get this one showered and clean.” Luke called into the kitchen where Ashton was cooking. He glanced back and grinned at you both before turning back to the food and you two carried on.

Luke was nothing but patient with you as you climbed into the shower, his tall body fitting into the rest of the space. He was gentle as he helped you and it took the pressure off you, focusing on keeping yourself upright as his hands started working the shampoo into your hair.

You’d forgotten how well he massaged your scalp when washing your hair, and you only protested when he rinsed it out, making him laugh.

“I forgot how nice your head massages were.” You groaned as he worked the conditioner in. You carefully washed your body with the shower gel, cleaning Luke’s body whilst you were at it.

He tried to stop you but you gave him pleading eyes and he relented easily. Using the time whilst your hair was soaking in the conditioner to wash his own hair quickly whilst you cleaned his body.

And then his fingers were back in your hair, cleaning out the conditioner and you had to stop yourself from leaning into him.

Once you were clean and dried off, dressed and the towels over Luke’s shoulder, you could feel yourself begin to flag again, leaning heavily on Luke for the short trip back to your room.

“I’ve got you sweet.” He murmured as you passed the kitchen. Ashton was talking with one of your neighbours who gave you a small wave but didn’t stop you to talk. Part of you felt guilty, but the larger part felt relieved because you were almost certain once you’d eaten something, you were going to be asleep.

Once you were back in your bedroom, you scooted so that your back was resting against the headboard whilst Luke let the towels hang so that they could dry and put everything back in its place. He understood your need for everything in its own place, whilst Ashton understood, but still sometimes made a small game of moving things to see if you’d notice.

Luke could see that you were too tired to even be playful.

When Ashton returned, he frowned for a moment before resting the first bowl on your lap, spoon already in the bowl.

“Don’t worry about eating it all. Just try to eat something for us.” He encouraged gently, handing Luke his own bowl before heading back to retrieve his own.

You were slow and methodical before your stomach protested and you left the spoon in the bowl, your head resting on Luke’s shoulder.

“M’ready for sleep.” You muttered and he hummed in acknowledgement. He’d long since finished his bowl, as had Ashton.

“You alright with Ash for a bit, love? Since he cooked, I’ll clean.” Luke murmured and you just nodded before shuffling till you were laid down. Ashton followed and you snuggled into him.

You barely heard his murmured “sleep well” before you were fast asleep.

It was the first night that you’d slept for eight hours and it felt almost refreshing, especially after having the shower the previous night.

You were still nestled into Ashton’s side, Luke’s arm was slung over you both, his hand resting on Ashton’s stomach. You felt very safe between your men and you were so grateful that they were with you in that moment.

It was another hour before either of them stirred, but you’d been resting in that hour, not really awake but not asleep either. Luke was first to move, pressing a kiss to your shoulder as he moved off the bed.

“Morning, love. How are you feeling today?” He murmured as he stretched. You shifted onto your back and gave an experimental test of your joints. They weren’t so bad and your cough had eased up that your chest no longer hurt if there was the occasional cough.

“Better, I think. It’s only a dull ache, the kind I get when you two put me through the paces at the gym.” You admitted softly and Luke grinned as Ashton stretched out, almost like a cat before turning on his side to face you.

“Nice to hear that, angel. And good morning.” You grinned at him and kissed him gently before glancing at the time.

“What are we doing today?” You asked quietly as Luke continued to stretch out his muscles. Part of you felt bad for them both to be stuck inside with you, but you were much too selfish to let that bad feeling linger.

“I’m gonna do some exercises and then Ash is probably gonna do his own. And then a movie day for the rest of the day?” He posed the question and you paused before nodding your head. It sounded good to you and it meant you had some individual time with each of them.

The morning passed by easily. They did their exercises and showered before returning to your room that Luke had playfully dubbed ‘The Den’. Ashton had laughed at that as he went to set up in the living room for another live, but this time Luke was staying with you. They’d been trading off which had bothered you first, but then Ashton explained their reason.

“We don’t really want to leave you alone. Not that you can’t take care of yourself,” he hastily added on upon seeing your look of outrage, “but being so far away whilst you were so ill, it kinda scared us. We don’t want to leave you by yourself yet. It’s more to ease our own anxieties.” And you relaxed before shoving any negative thoughts to the back of your mind.

Luke was napping when your phone went off-Ashton was still on the live-and you answered the No Caller ID hesitantly.

It was the hospital that you were at, a nurse confirming who you were before she’d go any further. It took a few moments before she got to the point of the phone call.

“So we’re calling you about the various tests. I’m assuming that you know you were confirmed with COVID-19, correct?”

“Yeah, about two days after the test, someone called to let me know.” You responded hesitantly. You wondered what this was about.

“And how are you feeling?” You were confused.

“I mean, I’m coming up to two weeks of no fever and starting to feel a lot better. I’m just more exhausted but I suspect that’s because of what my body went through.” You explained quietly and you heard her hum in agreement. Luke shifted beside you and you noticed that he was awake, only because his hand had started to drift up and down your spine.

“That’s good to hear. What I’m calling about is that you’d said your kidneys had been hurting upon admittance, correct?”

“Yes.” You were worried now.

“So when we looked at the numbers, we noticed that they’d started dropping. Not drastically enough for us to have you in intensive care, but that was why we moved you to the ward. It was as a precaution.” You felt your heart race at her words.

“They’d started failing again, hadn’t they?” You whispered and she sighed.

“Yes. However, because the numbers were back on the rise when we took your second blood test, we felt that we could discharge you safely. Had they dropped further, you’d have been admitted to intensive care. The only reason why you weren’t told immediately was because we didn’t want you to panic or go into further distress which could’ve made it much more worse.”

It hit you like a ton of bricks what she was saying.

“Is there anything I need to worry about?” You finally choked out, your hands trembling.

“At this time, no. When things ease up, we will request you get another test just to confirm you’re clear of the virus. Otherwise for now, just rest up and feel better soon.”

“Thank you.” You got out, ending the call. Luke took the phone from your trembling hands and he sat up, pulling you onto his lap, his arms around you.

“What happened, love?” You were trying to take in slow deep breaths to stop the panic attack, knowing that it wouldn’t help you.

“They’ve just told me, when I went into hospital, my kidneys were failing.” You whispered and his arms tightened around you tighten enough that he understood the implications.

You’d told them both of the previous two times when you’d been so ill that your kidneys had started failing and as a result you’d been on death's door.

You didn’t realise you were hyperventilating until Luke began to rub his hands up and down your arms to try and distract you, but your mind was too focused on the fact that you’d escaped death, again.

“Ashton!” Luke called loudly, a tinge of panic in his own voice.

Ashton practically crashed through into your door and his face was ashen as he took in your state, a look of relief followed by concern filling his features. He clambered onto the bed, his hands cupping your face gently. When you didn’t flinch away, he ducked his head to catch your eyes.

“Slow deep breaths sweetheart. We’ve got you.” It took you a while before you could finally focus on Luke’s hands which were still rubbing your arms gently.

“How’s your sense of smell?” Ashton teased as he noted that you were fighting to keep your breathing under control.

“Smell you and Luke, favourite smell.” You muttered and he grinned. You closed your eyes for a moment, leaning into his touch and he let his thumb brush across your cheeks in comfort.

“What happened?” Despite the question being directed at you, you knew that Ashton was also asking Luke.

“A nurse from the hospital phoned I think. They explained about the blood tests they’d run. Apparently their kidneys were failing when they’d gone in, but not enough to alarm the hospital staff or get them rushed to intensive care.” His voice was calm and you needed that.

You knew that Ashton understood what he wasn’t saying, but also you weren’t too sure if you could voice it properly without crying.

“Come here sweetheart.” Ashton’s tone brokered no arguments and you moved so that you were cradled in his lap, his back resting against the headboard. Luke was nestled as close as possible.

“Part of me knew something was wrong, but, not that.” You whispered finally. Ashton made a soothing sound as you let your head rest on his shoulder, face pressed into his neck.

“It’s one thing to guess, it’s another thing to be told, love. You’re allowed to cry because it’s a frightening thing to be told.” His voice was one of reason and you finally let it out, allowing them both to comfort you as you processed what had been said.

He wasn’t wrong. It was one thing to guess, but to be told that your kidneys had started failing once more, it was frightening.

Neither of them moved away from you as you got it off your chest. You couldn’t pin how long had passed until you finally took a steadying breath, lifting your head from Ashton’s neck. Luke was first to move, his thumb wiping the tear tracks and you gave him a weak smile.

It dawned on you then that Ashton had been on a live.

“Ash, I’m sorry.” You finally whispered and he gave you a confused look.

“What are you sorry for? You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” He murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple.

“The live you were doing...” You trailed off and he shrugged.

“They’ll get over it. You’re more important and we’re doing more radio interviews on the live so it doesn’t matter.” He muttered and you didn’t push, relaxing in his hold. Luke glanced at the clock and gave you a gentle smile.

“My turn to make lunch. Nothing cooked unfortunately, but I make a damn good sandwich.” He teased playfully which made you giggle, a sigh escaping your lips as he left after giving you both gentle kisses.

“Just think, tomorrow we can take you out for a short walk.”

“Freedom.” You muttered deadpan, making him laugh as his lips found yours.

“Even for half an hour, it’ll help. Home stretch now.” You mustered up a smile for him before stretching your legs out and he moved with you, his arms not quite leaving your body.

“Am I not allowed to lie down?” You queried and he shook his head, a playful grin on his lips as he pulled you flush against his body, his lips finding your neck.

“No, all mine to have and feast on.” The cackle like laugh that he let off had you giggling as he blew a raspberry on your skin. This earned a squeal from you, laughing as he rocked you back and forth. “No one can take you from me!”

You were still laughing when Luke returned with three plates, an amused grin on his lips as he raised an eyebrow.

“Save me Lu! Ash is gonna feast on me!” You shrieked again as he blew another raspberry into your neck, the ticklish sensation making you laugh as he held you tightly.

Luke set the plates down before climbing on the bed, his lips curving into a smirk, making you pause.

“Can I feast with you Ash?” And you groaned as Ashton laughed as Luke straddled the both of you, his body causing the three of you to fall back onto the bed, effectively trapping you between the two of them as Luke left gentle kisses along your neck and you held back your moan, knowing that if he started to pull at the skin you were a goner.

Pulling back, he had a cheeky grin on his lips and you groaned as Ashton laughed.

“You two are the worst. Let me eat, you monsters!” You cried out playfully, making them both laugh as Luke shifted himself off you to get the plates once more and Ashton loosened his hold on your waist.

The rest of the day passed quietly, Ashton had apologised for having to ditch and the three of you settled watching movies long into the early hours of the morning.

Despite the lack of sleep, you were still up early excited that you were finally allowed to go for a walk today, and both of them laughed at your excitement.

Once you were dressed, they followed your lead and got ready. And then you were out of the building and the fresh air felt glorious, even if there was a spattering of rain. You didn’t care.

You led them both to a small pathway that led to the river that ran through the town, the edge of the river filled with cherry blossom trees. Both of them were taking as many photos as they could and you couldn’t hide your smile if you tried.

Ashton managed to get a nice selfie of the three of you under one of the trees and before long, you realised that the half an hour had gone by and you were beginning to struggle, your legs becoming a little bit shaky.

But it didn’t deter from the fact that you’d been able to go out for a walk and enjoy it. Both Luke and Ashton could see the immediate difference.

“We’ll go out every day and stay an extra five minutes longer. Build you up. How does that sound?” Ashton asked as you walked up the driveway, arm in arm with the both of them.

“That sounds good. Onwards and upwards from here and I am so going to kick your butts at Mario Kart now.”

Their laughter rang around the empty drive as you reached the building and you felt much more positive with them by your sides.

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angewrites · 5 years

Text

Finding A Home

Title: Finding A Home

Anime: Yu-Gi-Oh! Arc V

Words: 6,589

Summary: Shinji and the Whirlwind Brigade were making their rounds one rainy night when they run across an unusual swarm of Sector Security combing through the area. At first, Shinji thought it to be a simple rescue operation, but he ends up finding what he's been longing for.

Notes: *BREAKS DOWN DOOR* IT’S STILL @guardianweek TECHNICALLY SO!!! I so badly wanted to do a whole lot for this week, but this last week just kicked my ass so I wasn’t able to write a whole lot for it. So I made sure this fic made up for it (hence the word count dlakfjsaklf).

So this is my submission for the Food, First Meeting, + Family prompts :D Just in time for Father’s Day lmao.

Also, some of y’all might be wondering “Wait. This fic has a similar vibe to another fic . . .” and you’re right ldafsdkaljf. This is basically a retelling of The Whirlwind Brigade but from Shinji’s perspective b/c my mind would just not leave that concept alone, so here we are.

Let me know what y’all think 👏👏👏 I had fun writing this one and I hope y’all enjoy reading it!!

[AO3] [FFN]

Commons – Section B64

How Shinji could see in the torrential downpour and in the dark was still a mystery to him, and he was more than grateful that his outfit was, more or less, waterproof. He still wished, though, the Whirlwind Brigade had picked another night to do random patrols through the streets, hunting for Sector Security.

“Oi, Damon,” Shinji shouted over his shoulder to his fellow D-Wheel rider on his left. “Would it have killed you to look at the forecast beforehand?”

Damon laughed as he made his way next to Shinji on his D-Wheel. “The newspaper said clear skies, Shinji. I don’t know what else to tell you.”

“Tch. Fine, whatever. Everyone, be careful. I’m not fixing any D-Wheels that skid,” Shinji announced. His three other companions laughed as they rode along the cracked and empty streets, something that Shinji was grateful for. The people of Commons generally liked to stay off the streets after about 7 p.m. or so because that was when Sector Security liked to do their daily rounds. For the most part, 7 p.m. was prime time to get off the streets unless you wanted to be arrested for no reason.

As Shinji and his crew rode along, however, they heard an inordinate amount of Sector Security D-Wheels and cars, and Shinji, being most familiar with all the sections of Commons, instantly recognized Sector Security’s direction: they were heading towards the A block of Commons. If he remembered correctly, most of Sector Security’s arrests involved people living in that area.

That meant someone there was in trouble, and Shinji felt his stomach grow knots.

“Should we chase after them?” a raucous voice inquired, whom Shinji instantly recognized as Mihael’s, one of his friends from his Facility days, along with Frederik, who was also part of the brigade. He was the one, in fact, who suggested the creation of the Whirlwind Brigade, a gang devoted to the protection of Commons from Tops and Sector Security, in the first place.

Shinji smirked to himself. “We sure should,” he answered. “And it looks like whoever’s on their radar really needs our help.”

“But, Shinji, “Damon spoke up, “what if it’s actually a dangerous criminal they’re after? What then?”

The appointed leader of the Whirlwind Brigade sighed. It wasn’t the first time Damon had brought that up, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last either. While the man understood Damon’s concern, especially since none of them could take any dangerous criminal on in a fist fight, one criminal isn’t the same as an oppressive system designed to tear you down.

“You gotta give our fellow Commons the benefit of the doubt, Damon,” he replied. “If it’s a dangerous criminal they’re after, we’ll back off. But how many of those are in Commons? Believe in our comrades.”

“Yes, Shinji!”

Commons – Section A???

Shinji, Damon, Mihael, and Frederik rode into Section A of the Commons area, their ears greeted by the blasts of sirens coming from the Sector Security D-Wheels and cars. Shinji raised an arm as a signal and the four of them split into different directions. Taking this opportunity, he assessed the situation as best he could in the downpour. Tens of D-Wheels, one Sector Security officer holding a megaphone. But Shinji still couldn’t see who the unfortunate victim of Sector Security’s bias was. Not that he wanted to be too close unless he wanted to risk blowing the entire operation. So, he drove onward slowly, inching closer and closer to the excitement of the night for Section A.

At last, his eyes caught sight of Sector Security’s unfortunate victim of the night: a young man who appeared to be slightly younger than he was with orange hair that reminded him of fire and a face marred and tattooed with several criminal markers. Shinji couldn’t stop his mouth from hanging open. How many times had this guy gone to the Detention Centre? And what on Earth for to get all those marks on his face? Maybe Damon was right. Maybe this guy was out of their league for their rescue operation, even if he did look to be shorter than Mihael, who’s the shortest of the four of them.

Shinji was about to turn around and call off the patrol for the night when he looked at the heavily marked man again. He hadn’t seen the first time, but he could then see the man was gripping a small child close to his body, as if his life depended on it, while being down on one knee. Shinji’s initial emotion was sympathy for them, as in a “well, that sucks, but nothing I can do” kind of way, but, the more Shinji looked at the two of them, the more his heart burned. It wasn’t sympathy he was feeling.

No. It’s.

It’s jealousy.

And it’s eating him from the inside out, from his heart to his stomach.

Family units were extremely rare in Commons, so whenever Shinji saw one or a few, it also gave him immense distress. He could make all the friends he wanted. That wasn’t hard for him. But, in the end, he couldn’t consider any of them family. The emotional commitment was something he had been afraid to take on, and yet, that relationship, that closeness, that bond was something he had always desired, deep down. So, seeing a man with this child – it was a hard sight for Shinji to stomach. Here was someone who possibly had something he’d always wanted.

That man . . . he wasn’t a criminal who was going to harm him or his friends. He deserved to be safe and free from Sector Security’s clutches as the rest of them. If not even more so.

And Shinji wanted what he had. He gripped the bars of his D-Wheel tighter as he made his way toward the commotion of the Sector Security officers closing in on their targets. Hopefully, the other three would be able to hear him over all the rain.

“That’s as far as you go!” Shinji shouted, catching the attention of all the officers as well as the man holding the small child. He maneuvered his D-Wheel to topple Sector Security D-Wheels to the side, distracting them. The whoosh of arrows could be heard, followed by the yells of other officers behind him. Good. His pals had heard him. He needed the distraction if he was going to get the man and the kid to safety. But, the man had to trust him first.

Shinji took off his helmet and placed it on his D-Wheel and made his way over, the man watching him carefully all the while. He had a feeling this wasn’t going to be an easy operation, but it was the right thing to do, regardless.

“Security after you?” he asked, immediately regretting the question. That was stupid. Of course they were.

“Ye-Yeah,” the man muttered loudly enough that Shinji could barely hear him as he readjusted his hold on the child with him who, Shinji now realized, was either passed out or fast asleep. Well, at least he gave the question the dignity of an answer.

“We can’t stick around. My buddies’ll take care of Sector Security while you, the kid, and I escape and take you to where you live,” Shinji explained. Then, glancing in front and to the sides of the man, he inquired, “Got a D-Wheel with you?”

“No . . . I left it,” was the reply.

Oh boy, Shinji thought. Yeah, this definitely wasn’t going to be easy. He could only smirk. He had a feeling he knew the answer to his next question– especially considering that the man knelt to the ground as if he had an intense injury – but he asked anyway, “Well, can you at least walk?”

The other nodded no, and Shinji couldn’t help but laugh. He knew it.

“Didn’t bring a D-Wheel, can’t walk. Amazing Security didn’t catch you already!” Shinji exclaimed, being unable to contain his laughter. Unfortunately, the man didn’t seem to be in any mood for joking around by the frown on his face. Not that Shinji could blame him, but it would help if he lightened up a bit.

“You gonna help me or not?” the man retorted, causing Shinji to stifle the rest of his laughter. “I got to get this little squirt home. And two other kids are waiting for me.” At the mention of the other kids, Shinji’s urge to laugh dissipated completely. Not just one kid, but he’s taking care of three? Most families Shinji knew of only had one kid, and they had trouble taking care of the one as it was. But, here this man was, saying he had three kids to take care of as if it was no problem.

Shinji wanted to know more about him, about how he lived and took care of the three kids. It was just mindboggling. But, they had to get away from the commotion. First thing’s first, though.

“Only after you tell me your name.”

There was a period of silence between the two of them, with the pouring rain and the screams of Sector Security officers being attacked by Shinji’s comrades’ Duel Monsters being the only sources of noise.

“Crow Hogan,” the man replied.

“Shinji Weber. Let’s get goin’ before Security gets us.” Shinji started to make his way toward his D-Wheel, but he noticed the man not moving, and, instead, glancing at him, at the kid he was carrying, and then back to him.

“But, there’s only room for one person,” he said. “How’s this gonna work?”

Shinji smirked as he put on his helmet and mounted his D-Wheel. “You’re Commons, aren’t you? You figure it out.”

Crow looked at the D-Wheel again and sighed. Adjusting the small boy and bringing him closer to his chest, he slowly got up and walked – or rather, shuffled - cautiously towards the insect-shaped motorcycle. Then, leaning on Shinji for support, his bicep firmly against the middle of Shinji’s back, he sat sideways.

“You better drive carefully and get us back or you’ll regret it,” he hissed. Shinji could only laugh. This was a going to be a long, but real fun night.

After asking Crow rapid-fire questions about where he was staying, Shinji finally managed to get him and the child to their place of residence right as the downpour worsened. He couldn’t see that well in the rain, but it looked like a moderately sized house, with a deck and all that jazz. Considering that most of Commons either lived on the streets, underground, or in shacks, this place seemed like a castle in comparison to all of that.

“This is it, right?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Crow replied. He didn’t move. Taking a deep breath, he turned his head to the side. “Sorry, Shinji, but can you carry Tanner in? My leg’s not gonna let me walk and carry a child at the same time.”

Tanner, huh? So that’s the boy’s name. The corners of Shinji’s mouth formed into a smile as he dismounted his D-Wheel. So, Crow was more injured than he initially let on, huh? “Sure thing. Where does he go?”

The other made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a cough. “The couch, for now. Just as you walk in, to the right. He might get a craving for tuna and wake up and go to his room. That’s what I’m hoping for, anyway.”

Shinji raised his right eyebrow. Even though he lived in such a nice place? “Tuna?”

“Yeah. It’s the only thing I can afford to get these kids to eat. And bread too on occasion, if I’m lucky,” he replied, placing the small boy in Shinji’s arms. Instinctively, Shinji brought the boy against his chest, and, without another word, carried the boy inside the house. After being outside in the rain for so long, he felt relaxed with a roof over his head.

Glancing to the right, Shinji found the couch in question but realized that just as he had been outside in the rain, so had the boy he was carrying. And it would be disastrous if he caught a cold, especially since Shinji wasn’t sure if Crow had anything for colds. At that moment, finding a towel to dry him off with was priority. Still carrying the boy and being incredibly thankful that he was such a deep sleeper, Shinji made his way around the house in search for towels. Much to his surprise, he only found one towel in what he guessed was the common bathroom area that hadn’t been used recently – the other three were either sopping wet or were drying still. He sighed and made it a point to advise Crow to get more towels. There should at least be two for each person, for crying out loud.

Taking the towel, Shinji gently wiped Tanner with it, making sure he was as dry as possible. Then, walking back to the gathering area, he gently placed the boy on the couch, double checking that there was enough support – torn up pillows and all – for his body if he did decide to sleep there for the night.

“Mission accomplish –“ Shinji almost said out loud, but he remembered what Crow had said earlier.

“And two other kids are waiting for me.”

There were two other little ones Crow was looking after. And since Crow’s having issues with his ankle, he couldn’t exactly check up on them before he had to turn in for the night. So, Shinji felt compelled to check on them too. He remembered passing by what looked like a bedroom in searching for the towels, so he made his way back in that direction. Peering in, he saw one mattress, and, stepping fully inside the room, he saw two children, one girl with curly red hair and a boy with what looked like green hair, who looked a few years older than Tanner, fast asleep, holding hands. Shinji, smiling, quietly made his way back to the front door and to the outside, where Crow was still waiting on Shinji’s D-Wheel.

“Okay, Tanner’s on the cou—” he started to say, but Crow unexpectedly cut him off.

“Whatever you stole, you better put it back,” he hissed, causing Shinji to take half a step back. The other then blinked a couple of times and put a hand to his head, unsure as to why Crow was so upset all of a sudden.

“Huh?!” Shinji reacted, trying to keep his voice down as to not wake the kids.

“There’s no way you couldn’t have seen the couch. It’s right as you walk in. So, what took you so long, huh? Don’t play dumb with me.” Crow accused, also trying to control his volume, Shinji noticed. “You definitely stole something.”

The other let the accusation sink in, letting a period of silence rest between them, save for the rain. Then, he laughed, and it turned into a belly laugh. How ironic, Shinji thought. Damon thought he was a dangerous criminal, Shinji certainly had second thoughts about rescuing him from Security just because of his criminal markers, and now, he was getting that distrust back double fold. Served him right. Feeling particularly gutsy, Shinji placed a hand on Crow’s shoulder, with Crow staring at his hand, saying, “I don’t take advantage of folks and then steal. That’s not my thing. Look,” he took a step back, raised his arms, and turned his back to him while looking behind him, “even if it was, I don’t have any way to carry anything. Not even the D-Wheel you’re sitting on has any room. You gotta trust me on this.”

Crow jerked at the mention of his D-Wheel, but, then he quickly regained his composure. “Sounds sorta convincing, but that still doesn’t explain why it took you so long,” was the reply. “I could have you punished for trespassing.”

Trespassing, holy crap. This guy sure isn’t messing around. Shinji swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat. But, it’s understandable why he was so on edge. After all, who wants a stranger they didn’t completely trust being around their loved ones? That’s a lot of risk. It really was a good thing that Shinji was the one who found him.

“Well . . .” Shinji sighed and shrugged, “You did mention you had two kids waiting for you, so, after I put Tanner on the couch, I looked for them and made sure they were alright. I figured with your leg injury and all, you wouldn’t be able to do it yourself. By the way, they’re fast asleep.”

Crow looked to the ground.

“And, also,” he continued, “I had to dry off Tanner so that he wouldn’t catch a cold, so I was also looking for towels. You really to invest in more of them.”

The other huffed and crossed his arms. “You didn’t have to do that. They’re my responsibility,” he retorted. “And, just so you know, I can walk just fine on my own –“ he jumped down from Shinji’s D-Wheel, but, as soon as his feet touched the ground, Crow went down, wincing and holding his ankle. “Ow.”

Shinji laughed at the sight. Stubborn through and through. But, he couldn’t just leave Crow like that, outside in the rain. He could probably move by himself, but that would cause more damage to his ankle. So, Shinji gave a half-joking, half-serious suggestion.

“You want me to take you in too?”

Yeah, right. was Shinji’s immediate thought. He was on thin ice with Crow as it was, so there’s no way he’d say ye-

“Yeah, sure,” Crow cut his train of thought off, and Shinji jolted in response. Well, there’s some way he’d say yes, apparently. On cue, he walked over to the injured party and scooped him up by the legs, one arm supporting them while the other supported Crow’s back. Crow, as if out of reflex, wrapped an arm around his neck.

“Huh. You’re lighter than I thought you’d be,” Shinji muttered.

“Shut up,” Crow snapped, but Shinji could see, even in the rain, that his face was flushed. The other laughed as he carried him inside, back to the dryness, and, with Crow’s directions, to his room. It was a space to the side, with a window full of cracks and a bed that for sure had been home to ants and who knows what other kind of creatures. After gently laying the injured party on the bed, Shinji took a step back.

“And my work here’s done,” he announced.

The other glared at him before gingerly taking his boots off. “Then leave. I appreciate the help tonight, but don’t come back here.”

He’s one of those guys, huh? Shinji sighed. So, Crow still didn’t entirely trust him, even after all of that. But, why did that matter to him? The objective of the Whirlwind Brigade was to help the Commons in immediate trouble, and, once that was accomplished, they shouldn’t have anything to do with that person unless they find themselves in trouble again. He only had to help Crow and that boy – Tanner – escape from Sector Security. Nothing more.

Nothing . . . more.

But, that was the dilemma. Shinji just couldn’t leave things as they were. Not when those kids’ only caretaker had a severe ankle injury that limited his movement. Who was going to find food and other necessities for survival? Who was going to make sure they were safe at night? And not only that. Shinji didn’t know what it was, but there was something about the family unit that made him want to stay. He was jealous of the tight-knit group, after all. And he wanted – no, needed to know more about it, about them.

Rather than risking the immediate wrath of the injured guardian, though, Shinji shrugged his shoulders and tiredly smiled. “I’ll be making my way out then. You won’t be seeing me around again, promise,” he lied, hopefully for the last time, as he made his way through the door. Taking one last look at Crow, who had curled himself up in a woolen blanket, Shinji couldn’t help but stare longer than he needed to. Catching himself, he quietly closed the door.

~The Next Day~

Commons - Section A45 (Hogan Residence)

Carrying a large paper bag of loaves and some spare butter packets he found, the blue and purple haired man cautiously made his way inside the house. First, he looked over at the couch where he had laid Tanner and noticed the couch only had the pillows and the blanket. A quiet laugh escaped; Crow was right. Shinji didn’t know when the kids or Crow woke up, and he doubted that the man he rescued would remember his threat to him the night before, but, just in case, he had to be careful.

Remembering the kitchen area from his roaming around the night before, he went straight there and set the bag on the table. His initial plan was to just set the bag down and leave, but then he thought better of it. Yeah, Shinji. Just leave a bag of normally expensive loaves and butter here. They’re not going to find that suspicious at all. So Shinji decided he would stick around and explain it to at least the kids. After that, he would leave.

“Oh man, what did I get myself into?” he laughed, sitting down at the table. No sooner had he done that, the sound of one . . . two? No, three pairs of footsteps filled the humble abode’s atmosphere as well as the sound of chattering.

“You think Crow’s awake?” whispered one of the kids with a light, high-pitched voice. That must be the girl Shinji saw last night.

“He better be!” replied another. The voice was slightly deeper, so Shinji imagined it was the older boy of the group. “And I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind for making us worry!”

“Ah come on, Frank, don’t be like that,” the girl replied. “If it weren’t for Tanner falling behind, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“No fair, Amanda!” cried a voice that was a higher pitched than the girl’s. That must be Tanner’s voice. “You guys were moving too fast!”

“Either way, Crow’s gonna get it, and you’re not gonna change my mind,” Frank announced.

Shinji covered his mouth to contain his laughter so as to not get caught. It’s clear that Crow’s raising these kids. They sounded just like him. But, that wasn’t necessarily good news for him in the “making the kids trust him” operation. If they had as many trust issues with strangers as Crow did, it’s going to be a long, long morning.

And Shinji was just about to find out how long the morning was exactly going to be. The three kids made their way to the kitchen area where he was comfortably sitting, and, upon seeing Shinji, Amanda and Tanner took a step back while Frank put out a protective arm over the two of them. The expected reaction to a stranger in their home. Shinji got up from his chair, and the three kids stepped back even further.

“Listen, I –“ Shinji started to say, but Frank interrupted him.

“Who are you? What did you do with Crow?” interrogated the oldest boy a little loudly, his voice trembling. They were afraid of him, Shinji realized.

“Keep it down. Crow’s asleep,” he replied, trying to make his voice sound as convincing as possible.

“So you came in last night and knocked him out?” Amanda spoke up, her voice also wavering. Shinji also noticed her eyes were incredibly puffy.

Oh boy. “What? No, no. I didn’t do anything to him, I promise,” Shinji waved his arms in protest. “If you would just listen –“

“We’re listening,” Frank interrupted, bringing his protective arm closer to Amanda and Tanner.

Shinji looked at Tanner and sighed, causing Tanner to raise an eyebrow in confusion.

“I . . . I saw Crow and you, Tanner, in trouble with Sector Security last night,” Shinji explained. “While my buddies took care of Security, I took the both of them and brought them back here, since Crow didn’t have his D-Wheel with him. And his ankle’s no good, so he asked me to bring in Tanner for him, which I did.”

Tanner nodded slowly, and then gasped as if he realized something. “Wait, so that’s why I was on the couch.”

“You got it,” Shinji flashed a thumbs up. “And I brought Crow in too, since he’s got ankle issues.”

The older two kids looked at each other and snickered. On the one hand, Shinji was relieved that the kids were finally comfortable just enough with him, but, on the other, he didn’t understand what was so funny.

“What?”

“So, how’d you carry him in?” Frank asked.

“Yeah! Did you carry him in bridal style?” Amanda chimed in, her voice a little too eager for Shinji’s liking in asking that question. Shinji’s left eyebrow twitched.

“I carried him in. That’s all I’m saying,” Shinji protested. “I just met the guy last night, okay?”

“So that’s a yes,” Frank nodded.

“No, I –”

“It’s okay, we won’t tell Crow you told us,” Amanda winked, and Shinji could feel all of his defenses crumble. The relationship assumption aside, he didn’t expect the kids to accept his explanation of last night’s events just like that, and he certainly didn’t expect them to think that something was going on between their guardian and him, which there wasn’t. Sighing, he sat back down in his chair.

“So, you guys trust me now?” he asked.

“Depends. What’s in the bag?” replied Tanner, who looked intently at the large paper brown bag with the loaves. On cue, Shinji grabbed the bag from behind him.

“Ah, this? Well, Crow had mentioned that all you guys get to eat around here usually is tuna, so I managed to snag some not-tuna on the way here,” he said quite proudly. “I got a really good deal on this bread and butter, so I thought I’d bring it here for you guys.”

The three kids looked at Shinji – or rather, the food in his arms – with sparkling eyes, all three simultaneously making a gulping sound.

“We. We can have this? Are you sure?” Frank asked, trying to keep his drool from traveling too far out of his mouth. Shinji laughed as he shook the bag.

“I got it for you guys. Of course you can have it,” Shinji smiled. “Make sure to leave some for you-know-who, though.”

“You-know-who….?” asked Tanner, looking upwards and putting a hand to his head.

“He means Crow,” Amanda answered, and Tanner, making an “oh!” sound, pounded a fist into his hand, which meant, Shinji guessed, he finally understood.

Shinji gestured to the kids for them to help themselves, which they did. He helped them divide the loaves in portions that would fill them up for the next couple of hours. After they devoured their fill (and after Shinji and Amanda made sure to leave part of a loaf for Crow), Shinji stood up and said, “Okay, so who wants to go with me to town to get more food?”

“Me, me!” Frank and Tanner both said at the same time, and Shinji laughed at their enthusiasm to do the most basic of chores. No wonder Crow kept them around. Their eagerness surely kept things light-hearted. Shinji noticed Amanda was unusually quiet at the suggestion.

“Amanda? What about you?” he asked. Amanda nodded her head in the negative.

“I’ll stay behind. In case Crow wakes up before you three get back,” replied Amanda.

“Be sure to tell him we’ll be right back if he does!” Frank instructed, to which Amanda nodded.

Shinji smiled. What an unexpected turn of events. It’d been less than 24 hours, but the three had already treated him as one of their own, as if he was a part of their family. All because he brought Crow and Tanner back to them. And, even though he told Crow last night he’d stay away, he really did hope, deep down, that things would stay as they were, if not better.

“And we’re off!” Shinji announced, although not too loudly.

Commons Marketplace - Section E

Shinji glanced at Frank and Tanner, who were constantly readjusting their grips on their plastic bags filled with tuna, fruit, applesauce and whatever else they could find . . . and that Shinji could afford.

“You guys okay? I could carry another bag –“ he started to say, but Frank and Tanner shook their heads furiously.

“Nah, we’re good,” Frank replied. “Crow didn’t raise no quitters.”

“We’ve gone through worse. We can manage,” the younger of the two, the one Shinji rescued the night before, reassured – or tried to, Shinji guessed – his and Frank’s companion, although the statement did anything but what he intended.

Shinji’s face fell, just wondering how those two, Amanda, and Crow even survived before he, quite frankly, barged into their lives unannounced. Then again, he knew next to nothing about their day-to-day or what the kids liked or even how Crow acted when he didn’t have to worry about strangers, so, for all he knew, they had a system that worked. There was still some time before they got back to the house – they had just passed the fruit stand that’s a few blocks from Section A – so Shinji spoke up, “This might sound like a weird question, but just what kind of guy is Crow anyway?”

Frank and Tanner both looked at the sky with pensive faces, as if trying to figure out how to possibly answer such a sudden question. After what seemed like an eternity, the two smiled and looked straight ahead.

“He’s a little rough around the edges –“ Frank started.

Shinji scoffed underneath his breath. “No kidding.”

“- and he yells at us if we do something we’re not supposed to do, but he gives the best hugs though,” finished Tanner, his eyes gleaming.

“And he always makes sure we’re fed every night,” the older boy continued. “Even if . . .” Frank frowned and stared at the ground as the trio continued to walk, “even if that means he doesn’t get to eat every now and then. He doesn’t think us kids notice, especially since he tries to hide it, but we do.”

“No kidding?” Shinji chimed in, making no effort to hide the surprise in his voice. Crow was willing to go that far, was willing to go some days without eating, just for the kids?

“And he gave us a nice place and lets us sleep there when no one else would,” said the younger boy, fumbling with his grocery bag.

“Yeah. We really lucked out with him,” Frank agreed.

Shinji, listening to the boys go on and on excitedly their guardian, was cut to the heart. The more he knew about Crow, the more he realized he judged him wrongly without knowing anything about him. Underneath the tough, “back off or else” exterior was someone willing to risk it all for the most vulnerable, even at the cost of his own life. The toughness was probably a defense, built by many years of hardship and hatred that surrounded the Commons every day, and to protect the kids he cared for.

And Shinji thought he had it rough. And he lived by himself.

Crow really was incredible, and those kids really were lucky.

Shinji suddenly laughed for a good minute, with Frank and Tanner looking at him like he had gone mad. He shook his head, saying, “Sorry. I’m laughing at myself, not you guys. Come on, we’re almost there.”

Commons - Section A45 (Hogan Residence)

Shinji, Frank, and Tanner entered the house and dropped their grocery loot on the dining table. Frank and Tanner both collapsed on the kitchen floor, exhausted.

“Finally . . .” Frank muttered.

Shinji snickered at the sight. “I tried to help you, but you guys didn’t want it.”

“We know . . .” Tanner said slowly, closing his eyes. Shinji smiled and decided he’d deal with that later, but first, he needed to let Amanda know they came back

“We’re back!” Shinji announced.

“Welcome back, Frank, Tanner, Shinji!” Amanda appeared from Crow’s room and ran towards Shinji, wrapping her arms around his waist, and catching him off guard. Shinji glanced at his two shopping companions who only grinned.

They trusted him. They really trusted him.

He hesitantly put a hand to the top of Amanda’s head and rubbed it gently. The young girl only tightened her hold, and Shinji took that to mean the gesture was okay. After a few seconds, Amanda let go.

“How was the shopping trip?” Amanda asked, but, looking at Frank and Tanner lying on the ground, she laughed. “It certainly looks like it was a trip.”

“Oh, can it, Amanda,” retorted Frank. “I didn’t think the bags would be that heavy. That’s all.”

“Suuuuuuure,” was the sing-song reply. Shinji could only laugh at this exchange, even though maybe he should’ve intervened. But, he decided to let it go.

“So, how’s the patient?” he asked, smirking in the direction of Crow’s room.

Amanda laughed and shrugged. “He’s awake, and he took the water just fine, but not the bread,” she replied. “And after we made sure to save it for him too . . .”

The kids trusted him, but Crow still didn’t. Seemed about right. Shinji sighed as he made his way towards Crow’s room, saying, “Frank, Tanner, help Amanda put away the groceries. I’m gonna have a talk with the patient.”

“Okaaaaaaaay, Shinji . . .” Frank and Tanner moaned in unison, still laying on the floor.

Shinji slowly opened the door. The tension in the room was thick enough that Shinji could cut it with a knife, especially with the way Crow glared at him. He looked at him, then at the uneaten loaf next to his feet, and then back to Crow.

“Come on, that’s some really good bread!” Shinji exclaimed, trying to ignore his nerves. “I got a good bargain for it. I didn’t poison it, promise.”

“Shinji, what’s the meaning of this?”

Shinji gulped. The kids might trust him, but Crow still seemed far from ready to accept him. So, to try and diffuse the situation, he decided to play the dumb act. “What are you talking about?”

Crow’s eyes narrowed. “The food – if you really didn’t poison it. The kids knowing who you are, this patient business . . . What gives? I thought I told you to leave us alone.”

He did remember after all, much to Shinji’s disappointment. But, Shinji wasn’t entirely disheartened. After all, the kids trusted him. Putting his hands on his waist, Shinji sighed.

“Think about this. Your ankle’s no good, the kids can only do so much for you, and there’s barely food here. If you think I’m just going to ignore all that, well, sorry to break it to you. That’s not gonna happen.”

Shinji expected a rebuttal, but, for the first time in the past 24 hours, the other didn’t have one. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Shinji took the opportunity to continue.

“As far as the kids knowing who I am, I told them about last night. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have trusted me.”

Crow nodded slowly, as if trying to process the latest batch of events that occurred while he was out cold. After a pause, he asked, “But, why, Shinji? Why go out of your way to do all this just for some guy, some former criminal, you just met last night? If it’s out of pity, then I don’t need it, so you can just go ahead and leave –”

Shinji interrupted him by waving an arm, not just because he was wrong, but he didn’t want to hear anymore. He realized why Crow was so stubborn in accepting him. Shinji wasn’t the first to offer Crow and the kids help, it seemed. But, with those other times, they’ve been taken advantage of. And Crow was sick and tired of it, so, rather than accept the help, he turned people away.

And it hurt Shinji to realize that. He couldn’t imagine where he’d be if he didn’t get the help he needed from his friends or if he had been taken advantage of. But, Crow had to live like that. And yet . . . that jealousy for the life he lived with those kids remained.

“It’s . . . It’s not out of pity, believe me,” he said. “Actually,” he laughed, “it’s the opposite really.”

The orange-haired man raised an eyebrow. “The . . . opposite?”

Shinji put a hand to his face, combing through his hair with his fingers. A nervous habit he developed. Even if Crow wasn’t going to accept what he was about to say, he still needed to say it.

“When I saw you and Tanner that night, I was jealous. You don’t see very many family units in Commons, and I didn’t have any family growing up.” Shinji paused to laugh. “I want what you have, Crow. And that’s why my pals and I helped you and Tanner then and why I’m helping you now.”

Shinji noticed Crow’s shoulders relax and his eyes soften, the most docile he’s seen him in the past 24 hours. “Shinji . . .”

“But, I get it. You don’t want a stranger intruding, and you’re concerned about the kids’ safety,” he inhaled and exhaled slowly. “I still want to help you out, though. Help you with those kids. At least until you can walk properly again. After that, I’ll leave you alone. I mean it this time.”

And he did. Even if he wanted what Crow had, it’s no use trying to barge in where he wasn’t wanted.

Crow stared at him, but the stare wasn’t as intense as before.

“I’ll be around, so if you need anything in the meantime, let me know,” Shinji turned his back to him. “See you around.”

Shinji had reached for the hole in the door that he assumed had once been a doorknob and his fingers had wrapped around the opening when he heard a desperate voice call out, “W-Wait!” He froze, not turning around.

“What is it now? You gonna file a restraining order?” Shinji laughed nervously. He heard Crow clear his throat.

“No, no, nothing like that,” was the reply. “It’s . . . It’s nothing, but . . . really. Thank you for everything, Shinji. And . . . just know you can come back here any time, even when-no, especially when my ankle’s better. The kids and I wouldn’t mind.”

It took all of Shinji’s willpower to not let his jaw drop, not believing at all what he just heard. He turned to stare at Crow, whose face, for whatever reason, was extremely flushed. This was the same guy who threatened to have him punished for trespassing last night and was giving him a hard time? The same guy who wouldn’t let total strangers near his kids for their safety?

He was letting Shinji into his and his kids’ lives and letting Shinji be a part of a family, like he always wanted? Just like that?

Not believing what he just heard, he asked, “You’re-You’re not cracking one of your bad jokes, are you? Frank had said you were prone to doing tha—”

“Who said I was cracking jokes?” the other interrupted, waving a hand as if to push Shinji out the door. “Get out of here before I change my mind.”

Shinji laughed. Crow’s certainly rough around the edges, but, since Shinji finally knew why, it’s almost adorable really. He was looking forward to visiting again.

“I’ll be back then.”

#guardianweek #yugioh arc v #shinji weber #crow hogan #guardianshipping

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