#i haven't finished an actual drawing since march 2022

[le-velo-pour-dru]

I'm genuinely so concerned about the fact that I don't have motivation for my creative hobbies anymore ._. I don't know what happened, and I don't know how to get back into them, and it freaks me out

[insertsparkleshere]

Five vs One

Summary: Five times you and Rosa kissed for show, and one time it was for real.

Word Count: 2,586

Pronouns: Implied she/her/hers

Published: 12/28/2022

Author's Note: My obsession with Rosa Diaz continues

Trigger Warnings: Some swearing, mentions of drugs, general police shit

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Stakeout

You've been friends with Rosa for years. Ever since you transferred to the 99, she's been your partner. You work most of your cases together, you're the only member of the 99 that's actually been to her apartment, and you would say that you know her pretty well.

The silence is comfortable as you sit in the car. The two of you are on stakeout, trying to catch some poor drug dealer.

You yawn.

"You good?"

"Tired. I can't believe we have another hour of this shit."

"You want me to grab you a coffee? I'll buy."

"I won't say no to that."

Rosa comes back ten minutes later with your usual order, handing it to you as she slides into the driver's seat. "Anything new? Or is he still waiting for the buyer?"

"Still waiting, but I think he's getting suspicious. He saw me in the car, but I pulled out my phone and pretended I was calling someone, so I don't think he made me."

"Good."

You take a sip of your drink, once again lapsing into comfortable silence. The drug dealer (you can't remember his name) looks over at you again. He starts walking over to the car.

"Shit." You look at Rosa. "He made us."

"No, he didn't."

"What-?"

You haven't even finished getting the word out when Rosa pulls you forward into a kiss.

"Go with it," She says against you, but you decided to do that the moment it happened.

"Yep, doing that." You break away from her, face flushed, and look over at the dealer. "He went back."

"Good."

You both sit back into your respective seats. You're freaking out, but you're trying not to show it.

"Sorry. It was the only thing I could think of."

"It's fine."

2. Operation: Broken Feather

"Commence Operation: Broken Feather."

And with those words, everyone's off to their varying positions. And yet, nothing works. Charles spills his coffee, but the Vulture just wipes it off. Rosa flirts with him (you see red), but he moves on. For once, he's not interested.

"I can't believe I'm gonna do this." You march over to Rosa, determined and praying that Jake can get the confession soon. "No time to explain, come on."

You take Rosa through a back way. You stop where you know the Vulture will come out of the stairwell he took to get from the bathroom to the squad's floor. "Trust me?"

"Yeah."

You grab Rosa, pulling her into a kiss just as the Vulture comes out of the door.

"Woah!"

He stops for a few moments, staring, then you hear his footsteps recede.

"Damnit!" You say, pulling away once you're sure he's gone. "I really thought that was going to work."

"Uh...Yeah."

"Sorry. Only thing I could think of to stop him."

"It's fine."

3. Tactical Village

"How come you're so mad at Boyle?" You ask, creeping down the hallway. Charles is a few feet ahead of you, but you're careful. Quiet.

"He didn't invite me to his wedding."

"You can be my plus one."

"If he didn't invite me, that means he doesn't want me there."

"I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this. Just talk to him."

Rosa wrinkles her nose.

"Yeah, I know, feelings are for losers. But give it a try, okay?"

"Fine."

You hear something up ahead. Charles ducks through a side door, but there's nowhere for you and Rosa to hide.

"I have no clue if this is going to work," Rosa says, "but I need you to trust me."

"You know I do."

"I'm going to kiss you. When the perps come through, shoot them."

"Got it. You know we're being watched, right?"

"Yeah."

She presses her lips against yours, and you melt into the kiss like you always do.

Part of you wishes that you could do this more often, but you know that's not possible.

You hear footsteps, drawing closer.

"Woah. Uh, sorry."

You pull away, gun already in hand. You shoot one guy, and Rosa shoots the other. Green paint splatters across their chests.

"Don't be." You say. "It was just a distraction."

4. The Wedding

"We have a problem," Amy says.

"What's wrong?" You ask, pausing in your frosting of Rosa's wedding cake.

"Rosa's drunk."

"How?"

"Bellinis."

"I got it." You set your frosting bag down, wipe your hands on your apron, and set off for the small room Rosa's hunkered in.

"(Y/N)!" She slurs. "I'm getting married."

"Yes, you are. Which you need to be sober for. Come on, let's get you some water."

"No." She drags out the word, but you stand your ground.

"Rosa, you need to be sober to get married."

"Do I?"

"Yes." You sit down across from her at the table.

"You should have a drink."

"Absolutely not."

"You're so wound up! Why are you so stressed?"

"Because your wedding is today, Rosa, and you're currently drunk off of champagne, of all things. I mean, really, it's half bubbles."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't be stressed. This isn't your wedding."

"No, it's not. Which is why I'm going to drink my way through the ceremony and reception, but not while I am trying to make you a wedding cake."

"Huh?"

"I'm trying to make your wedding cake, Rosa."

"No, the other part."

"Ah, right. I am going to drink my way through the ceremony and reception."

"Why?"

"Because that's what you do at a wedding."

"No." Rosa gasps dramatically. "Is it because we've kissed?"

"What? No!"

"It is." Her eyes go wide. "Do you like me?"

"No, Rosa, I don't."

You hate lying to her.

She surges forward, kissing you hard.

"What about now?" She asks when she pulls back.

"Now...I need a bellini."

5. Nutriboom

"Why does this always happen?" You duck behind a door, praying the person goes away. "Seriously, every time!"

"It's comical." Rosa agrees, but she kisses you anyway.

+1. Show Me Going

“(Y/L/N), can I speak with you in my office?”

You jump. “Sorry. Startled me. Yeah, sure.” You stand and follow Holt into his office. “What’s up?”

“I wanted to ask how you’re doing. I know that you and Rosa are close, so you’re more likely to be particularly affected, what with her current involvement in the Brooklyn Heights shooting."

“Captain, I’ve been in love with Rosa Diaz for the last four years.” Your voice shakes a little, but you smile. “If I couldn’t take a little danger, I’d have broken a long time ago.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. I’m okay. Honestly, I’m more worried about the rest of the squad.” You look back and see Charles and Jake talking, while Terry gets his blood pressure checked. “Seriously, Boyle’s got that vein popping out in his forehead. You know the one, when he gets stressed?” Holt’s phone rings. “I’ll let you get that.”

You leave just in time to see Charles stand. “Shots fired. Shots fired!”

“What?” Jake exclaims.

“Is anybody hurt?” Terry asks.

“I don’t know.”

“Oh, man.”

“And, you’re BP’s at 290. Oh, 350. You broke the machine.” The guy next to Terry's desk says.

“Alright, screw this.” Jake stands and storms into Holt’s office. “There were shots fired.”

“I just got off the phone. There are two officers down.”

You run to the nearest trashcan, convinced you’re going to puke, but then you hear, “Neither one of them is Diaz,” and suddenly, you’re fine.

Holt shuts his door. You don't hear the rest of his conversation, instead sitting down at your desk. It's right across from Rosa's, a fact that you desperately try to ignore. You're trembling, but otherwise normal, so you take a breath and try to focus on paperwork. You put your headphones on, despite the ban against them, and blare your music as loud as you can in an attempt to drown out your thoughts.

A few songs later, someone taps you on the shoulder. You practically jump out of your skin, but when you turn around, you see Jake. “God, dude, don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“I got pizza. Come grab a slice.”

You shake your head. “Not really hungry.”

“Come on, eat. You haven’t had anything all day.”

“Fine.”

You stand up and grab a slice.

“Peralta, why are you back so soon?” Holt asks.

“Because I wanted to do something.” Jake turns back. “Hey, guys. How’re you holding up?"

“I mean, not great, but I know you really don’t want to talk about it,” Charles says.

“No. We should talk about it. I’m really scared for Rosa.”

“Yeah.” You say quietly. “I’m terrified that she’s gonna die and I’ll never actually have told her the truth.”

“Me, too.” Terry says. “I mean, the her dying part. It keeps making me think about my kids. How do I deal with the fact that every day I leave for work, I might not come home?”

“Man, I don’t even know, Terry. I don’t have kids yet, but I know you love them. And I feel like that’s all you can really do, right? I mean, now that I'm getting married, I keep thinking if something happens to me, it'll actually affect someone else.”

“I'd get over it eventually, after a lot of therapy.”

“I was more talking about Amy, but yes, you too, Charles.”

You all sigh.

“Hey, look at that. 130 over 80.” The guy next to Terry says. “Back to normal. I can get out of your hair now.”

“Nice. Told you, Andrew. Terry’s in tiptop. Thanks, Jake.”

“Yeah.” You say, nodding.

Jake turns to talk to Holt, and Charles’s phone goes off. “Guys!” He says. “Guys, guys, guys. They just took both shooters into custody. Officers got injured in the action. They don’t say how many.”

“Call Diaz. Get her cell.” Terry says.

Jake grabs his phone. “Damn it. It’s still just going to voicemail.”

“Let me try.”

Straight to voicemail.

“Her phone’s gotta be off, but I’ll try again.” You say. “She’s always picked up when I’ve called.”

“Adorable.” You glare at Jake. “Right, not the time. Just…glad that whole thing’s over.”

“For now.” You mutter.

Fifty minutes (or a lifetime, you aren't completely sure) later, Holt comes out of his office. He’d spent ages on the phone, trying to get in contact with someone who could give him the names of the injured officers.

“Okay.” He says. “I don’t have the names of the injured officers,” You swear internally, “but if Diaz is unharmed, she should be contacting us shortly. Or, if her phone is dead, perhaps she’ll be walking out of the elevator at any moment.”

Just then, the elevator dings. Your head snaps towards the doors.

They open…revealing Scully.

“Come on, Scully!”

“You can’t be doing stuff like that, man!”

“Fuck you!”

“I was just making a copy downstairs.”

“Yeah, well, next time, think.” Jake says.

“About what?”

“I don’t know!”

“Okay, Jake. Come on, man. Go easy on him.”

“Diaz!” Holt says, surprised.

“Rosa!” You and Jake say at the same time.

“You’re okay! Where’d you come from?” Jake asks.

“Felt like walking, so I took the stairs. Also, I thought it’d be funny to mess with you guys.”

“Rosa, you know I hate pranks.”

“You love pranks.”

“I do. I really do.” Jake hugs her tightly. “You did it so good.

“Were you guys worried about me or something?”

“No.” He says.

“I plead the fifth.” You put in, holding yourself back from running to her.

“So, what happened? Did they shoot at you?” Terry says. “Were you in the thick of it?”

“It’s been a really tough day. I just want to go get a beer. I don’t feel like getting into it.”

“Are you sure? Because the journey I went on today taught me that sometimes it’s best to talk about things-”

“Jake.”

“Right. It was a stupid idea. And Holt told me to do it, so. Let’s just go get a drink and sit in total silence.”

“Perfect. First, I gotta go to the can.”

“Actually, you might want to go check out the ladies’ room up here.” You turn at the sound of Gina’s voice. “Hey, Rosa, it’s me, Gina Linetti. Welcome back. Me and Amy made a little surprise for you, and I think you’re gonna like it very, very much. Come on, girl.”

You follow Gina and Rosa into the bathroom. You feel like if you don’t have your eyes on Rosa, she’ll disappear.

Also, you want to see how the bathroom turned out.

“Ta-da!” Gina says.

“You made it sound like you fixed the toilet.” Rosa says dryly.

“Yeah, I thought maybe Amy would’ve pulled something together in the two minutes I stepped outside.”

“Hey, Gina! Look what I stole from the Barnes and…Oh, my God, Rosa! I’m so happy to see you!” Amy runs forward, dropping the toilet seat she’s holding to hug Rosa.

“Wait, are you covered in toilet water?”

“Yes, big-time. But this is happening.”

“Ugh. Fine.”

“Kinda feel like I’m lurking.”

“Gina, get in here.”

“Yay!”

You hesitate.

“(Y/N), you too.”

You grin, rushing forward to hug the three of them.

“Do you mind if I come to Shaw’s?” You ask, once you're out of the bathroom and Amy and Gina are gone.

“Whole squad’s going. Let me go to bathroom, and I’ll drive you.” Rosa offers.

“You don’t have to-”

“You walk to work.”

“Fine.” You smile slightly, and go upstairs to grab your stuff from your desk. You meet her in front of the bathrooms, and follow her out to the parking structure. When you’re sure that you’re alone, you look at the ground. “You know, if you’d died, I’d have been so pissed.”

“Really?”

“I would’ve brought you back so I could kill you again.”

“Didn’t think you cared that much.”

“Of course, I care that much. You’re my partner. Half my cases, I work with you. Can’t have you dying on me, can I?”

Rosa doesn’t say anything.

“Seriously, though, you scared the shit out of me. Didn’t want to say anything in the precinct, I know you don’t like the mushy stuff.”

“Thanks.”

You stop in front of her bike.

“Do you really care that much?” She asks, giving you pause.

“What do you mean? Of course, I care. I don’t know if anyone told you, but I was close to a nervous collapse today.”

“Why?”

You stare at her, bewildered. “Why do you think?”

“We’re friends, but-”

“Rosa, I’ve…” You close your eyes. “Never mind. Let’s just go to Shaw’s, okay?”

“No. What were you going to say?”

“It’s nothing.”

Her voice drops. “It’s not nothing.”

“Rosa, trust me, it doesn’t matter.”

“No, it does matter. If you have something to say-”

“I told you it’s nothing!”

There’s a brief pause. You could cut the tension with whatever knife Rosa probably has in her pocket.

And then she lurches forward, and you don’t have time to say anything before she kisses you, hard.

You freeze, for a split second, and it’s enough that Rosa pulls back. You don’t let her go far, though, dragging her back to you. Butterflies erupt in your stomach.

She bites your lower lip, and you gasp.

“You know,” you say, between kisses, “I’ve been waiting four years for this. I mean...Except for all the fake ones.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Just…didn’t think it would happen."

“I’m glad I made the first move then.”

“Me, too."

You never do make it to Shaw’s.

[likesdoodling]

First only text post I have ever done!

This is kind of a disclaimer? Maybe? I guess?

So I started doing art stuff on here primarily to post my dsmp comic 'The Adventures of Steve and Orphan' which my predictive text still remembers perfectly btw-

I finished said comic a while ago, (like... I dunno.. Last year around March or something?) and I planned on putting it all together when I was finished to make a more cohesive read, since I definitely wrote it to be read in order.

That was before.. Ahem. Stuff happened. Like. The recent wilbur stuff, not the June 2022 stuff. Definitely wasn't going to do it straight after that,

Anyway. The main characters are Steve and Orphan because of that video Technoblade did with Ranboo where he said Steve was the real main character/should have his own series, plus him telling dream in prison that Steve was coming to rescue him. I thought this was hilarious, so that's when I started my comic thing.

(I'm kind of a Technoblade fan. Can you tell? Genuinely the only person on dsmp that I watched live, plus all his dsmp vods and YouTube videos, and no I do not have a problem, my obsession has just shifted to different fandoms)

It is of course, ✨Fiction✨ so I'm probably going to post it anyway, this is mainly just to figure out if any of my tumblr followers actually care about the dream smp, since it was mainly my Instagram folks who followed me for that stuff, since ascendance of a bookworm and bsd fans are a lot more active on tumblr.

Anyway. My main reasoning is that I want to still post Technoblade related stuff, fanart etc. Because he was the inspiration to finish one of the biggest projects I ever undertook, drawing wise, and it's the best way I can think of to try embody the 'Technoblade Never Dies' spirit. Ya know?

So expect to see the collected Adventures of Steve and Orphan soon!

:D

It's all from Steve's perspective btw

And there is a bit of a jump in quality when I took a break mid 2022 for obvious reasons. It is so weird to think that it's been nearly two years... Who knows. Maybe I'll post it as an anniversary thing or something. Eh. I probably won't bother waiting that long. I want to do a full on art piece for the anniversary if possible anyway.

Honestly, I haven't gotten more than 20 likes on a single picture on Instagram since I finished said Steve and Orphan comic, so you guys clearly have superior taste in anime. But then again, Steve had some pretty good unintentionally funny commentating skills so who knows. He thinks he's inspiring. Like Master. Orphan might laugh, but Steve is clearly a wonderful teacher.

If you don't want anything to do with the dsmp, then you probably haven't read this far honestly. I kind of doubt any of you guys are interested, but yknow. Just in case.

Doin sarcastically commentated comics was/is kind of my thing. And the Adventures of Steve and Orphan is a prime example of that.

That's it for now, cya!

[crowleaf]

During my semi hiatus:

⛧ I've almost finished totk. I'm on the lightning temple right now (the order I went was fire, water, wind, and now this one) and am procrastinating by farming to upgrade my armors. I dunno, that temple just feels so claustrophobic so I'm having a difficult time doing it but this isn't a complaint, good atmosphere, feels like I'm suffocating in a tomb, 10/10

⛧ I started reading The Poppy War, after a long reading dry spell (I've been reading nonfiction stuff but haven't read a novel since maybe March). Feels nice to be reading again but I'm having to retrain my attention span to focus for longer than ten minutes at a time.

⛧ I've been drawing, a lot. I haven't been posting any art to my art blog, and have actually reserved a url for a Secret art blog in case my art changes so drastically that I just want a hard brand reset. I don't know when I'll post art again. Feel like I'm experiencing an art growth spurt and I just want to see if it actually leads to anything, so I'm drawing a bunch of self indulgent bullshit that I don't want to share publicly.

⛧ I made an appointment with a new therapist. Haven't been in therapy since mid-2020, and I want to start fresh with someone new because my last therapist really didn't do much for me. My first meeting with her is in about a week and I'm both anxious and excited about it.

⛧ I started smoking weed semi-regularly again. It started giving me major panic attacks sometime around 2015 and I stopped smoking it after I went to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack (I was not). Lately I smoke it at night before bed and it helps me get to sleep before 3 AM, and actually get a restful sleep most of the time.

⛧ I restarted a cross stitch project I began a year ago, arrogantly believing it would be simple enough for a beginner to tackle in time to give my mother as a birthday gift. Turns out it's the most complex pattern I've stitched to date. But it's going better this time, thanks to the parking method. I should have it done in time this year, and I'm trying not to judge 2022 me for their hubris after having only completed two small projects before trying to tackle this one the first time around.

⛧ GO S2 trailer dropped on mine and @principaliteas mid-year mensiversary and I think that's pretty neat

[fowl-leaf]

My 2022 summary of art!

Blank

I haven't really been consistently posting my art anywhere for the past year or two, but I figured I might as well still do a summary of art since I like doing them.

I was reluctant to put any arpg stuff on here since that's generally just doodles, but I ended up having to since I was so busy with 3D modeling some months that I didn't have any other completed pieces from those months to show.

Full images and commentary below the cut! It's long.

JANUARY

Herman reading a book (about making soup)

I like this one bc of the pink color

FEBRUARY

Spring fern, my beloved

This was just going to be a quick doodle, but I ended up adding some rim lighting just cause

MARCH

Gale!

The sketch is from some point in 2021, but I didn't clean it up or color till later on in 2022 so I'm counting this drawing for this year lol

I realized that I haven't finished many drawings of her so I decided to fix that with this one.

APRIL

More Spring fern!

This time, surrounded by fern-like palm trees. Because ferns.

I liked choosing the colors for this one a lot

MAY

Whisper, but she's a merfolk instead of a scalie (Whisper is normally an axolotl)

In peak irony, one of my rare humanoid drawings was the only piece I felt like posting to my FA

I'm pretty sure this is the first time I actually tried doing mermay, so this gets to go on the list too (got 2 drawings in before I got bored and quit)

JUNE

Strudel flash prompt that I drew quickly

I wasn't digging the set of many sequential but connected prompts, which is why I ended up going for a different look.

Which reminds me, I don't think I've logged into toyhouse for a while now so there's probably a bunch of missed connections since I put a bunch of characters UFT. Will fix that later!

JULY

Ah, good ol' artfight month.

I liked how this drawing of several of Nul's forms turned out the best, so this drawing gets the spotlight for this month. (Nul and all variants belong to @kitsicles)

I had a stye in my better eye for a noteworthy part of this month, so I couldn't draw as well as I wanted to and ended up simplifying high effort pieces because of that.

AUGUST

Bobby the alchemist

bottom text

(didn't finish any noteworthy personal art, so arpg art goes here)

SEPTEMBER

GG Marzi on the run

bottom text

(again, no noteworthy personal art finished, so arpg it is)

OCTOBER

Software test of Rebelpaint, and I like it a lot. Exactly what I wanted!

Tbh I liked this a lot more than anything else I finished this month, so it gets to go here. Funny ocean creacher indeed.

NOVEMBER

Vix and Whisper

I was really busy, so my favorite thing was a meme drawover I did with some OCs. 500% cannon to their oc lore.

DECEMBER

I was initially going to put the deer, but remembered that I actually drew it last year and just colored it this year because I forgot about it until I was digging thru my files for mostly complete wips.

So instead, I'm putting this partially complete drawing of Ring I was working on

It's not done, but it's complete enough to count for this year imo.

---

For reading this far, you get to see a very incorrect coloration of blizz

Here's to a [hopefully] better 2023!

[sutekh94]

Vlog - The Lost World of the Proxima Realms

So… I broke 1,000 subscribers recently. Why not celebrate the occasion with a vlog about a time when this channel was inactive?

If all goes well, you should see a Q&A submissions post somewhere by this time next week. I haven't quite figured out how I want to handle it, be it a video post or something over on my Twitter or Patreon.

Some corrections and omissions: It's pretty obvious that I didn't cover absolutely everything related to The Proxima Realms/Nashronth here. By my count, there were at least 59 published written works related to The Proxima Realms between December 2017 and March 2021, not counting revisions and re-releases, and goodness knows how many stories and story ideas I had that wound up going unpublished. I completely forgot some of those stories existed, like a series called "The Yva-Kaiphronth Chronicles". Pretty sure that was the last TPR-related story series I ever published, in early 2021. Like I mentioned in the video, these stories are currently unavailable, but if there's enough interest, I might compile all of them, plus some unpublished material and ideas, as one massive download. Who knows? I might do that regardless.

I barely scratched the surface regarding the many, MANY main characters I made for TPR's various stories. Maybe that's a good thing, since most of them wound up being really samey in practice. Talking purely about their personalities here. Like, I can tell you what they were supposed to be, but only a few actually broke through the barrier of mediocrity and into the rarefied air of uniqueness. What set them apart was mainly their designs. For instance, the character Remivaqa (or Remi) has GIANT BAT WINGS growing out of her back that she can disappear whenever necessary, and yet, she's about as bland as a mattress. That Roger Alcorn kid I mentioned? Just as bland, and he was arguably THE main character throughout most of TPR's/Nashronth's existence. Aliya? She was one of those few who did stand out from the rest, with her cold, calm, collected, and intelligent nature. And she had some decent plots surrounding her, like her search for her missing grandma and her rivalry with this hotheaded elf guy named Olandri. I wish I'd made those early TPR stories more about her than Roger.

It turns out that I wasn't completely finished with The Proxima Realms by early 2021. Halfway through 2022, I wrote down some ideas for TPR-related stories, but they were just ideas. Those ideas were the very last TPR-related things I ever made, though to this day, I still A. wonder what could've been had I kept pushing forward with TPR, and B. have random TPR-related story ideas pop into my head from time to time.

Drawing Aliya for the thumbnail after a couple years of not making any art related to TPR was so surreal. It kinda shows how much I've improved since 2017. Now I'm wondering how some other TPR characters would look if I were to draw them today. I picked Tamaya to be with her because of all my current OCs, she's the one closest in personality to Aliya. Oh, and both of them have girlfriends.

Like I've said about a trillion times by now, there's much more TPR-related material I could cover down here in the description, but since I only have a limited amount of space to work with, I can't mention random anecdotes about TPR's development, talk even more about the MOTH PEOPLE, explain how Roger's grandma is actually a MOTH PERSON, and discuss a race of beings who look like the Lastree custom/mod race for Starbound. What I will say is that I really shouldn't record unscripted rambles when it's almost 1 in the morning, lol. Seriously though, if I sound kinda tired and disjointed at parts in this vlog, that's why. The last third or so was recorded the following morning, after I got maybe five hours of sleep at most.