#i hope the quality lives up to the fic. i feel like theres a bit of a trade-off with writing in my journal as opposed to slowly typing it

[vodid]

Chapters: 6/? Fandom: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Animated (2007) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Blitzwing/Bumblebee (Transformers) Characters: Blitzwing (Transformers), Bumblebee (Transformers), Optimus Prime, Ratchet (Transformers), Prowl (Transformers), Bulkhead (Transformers), Lugnut (Transformers), Megatron (Transformers) Additional Tags: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Angst, Drama, blitzwing has trust issues, and bumblebee has adhd with a little rsd sprinkled in, okay a LOT of rsd, also apd and executive dysfunction, he’s got a lot going on for him, Infrequent Updates, Suicidal Thoughts, did i mention blitzwing has bpd because he has bpd Summary:

Bumblebee feels like the weak link in his team and Blitzwing finds that and his lack of self confidence annoying.

[dsaf-confessions]

yeah, im sorry this is so long. its not meant against you, mod, respect ya for all that you have to put up with here... yeah.

i think a lot of the people coming on here to complain about other peoples opinions need to take a deep breath. you don't have to agree with them. but bashing people in the tags, anonymously sending in that someone's opinion on a fucking rpg maker game that, at its core, is a massive shitpost.

suicide jokes, especially when you dont know the person saying it at all, are not funny. if it isnt a joke and youre really about to kill yourself over a fun little tumblr blog, get help. seriously. i hope you get better and feel okay one day.

somebody who probably lives 12 to 24 hours away from you, by plane, saying they self-ship or ship an oc with a character you find irredeemable is not the end of the fucking world. sure, you may see it as weird, but at the end of the day a surprising amount of this fandom is around about 13, and thats what 13 year olds do. no shade to yall. those of you that i know are great.

i myself am a minor, i only got into the games, and months later, the fandom around my 15th birthday. its easier than some of you want to admit to stay away from the parts of the fandom that arent child appropriate. i dont mean the drugs. drugs arent anyone-appropriate. theyre fucking illegal. shoving an eggplant up someones urethra is also totally outlandish and sounds like it was written by a 5th grader

lets all respect each other for a bit. nobody fucking deserved to get the colossal amounts of anon hate that ive seen soley because of a harmless opinion.

to the adults here who churn out high-quality comics and fics and ask blogs, that i so joyously read, hell yeah! keep doing that, do what you want with it.

to the children, and by that i mean minors okay we are in fact legally considered children, you keep it up too. keep up your ask blogs and fics and fanart and shit that is sometimes so high-quality i assume youre fucking 30 until i check your bio.

yall, collectively, need to learn that at the end of the day people are gonna do what they want with these characters. it doesnt matter if someone draws henry miller in fucking cat ears because hes a fictional guy. have you seen what they do to steve raglan out there, man? its a fucking warzone but instead of explosives everyones firing out furry edits! it doesnt matter if someone ships something you dont like. im not a proshipper, theres lines i personally refuse to cross, but can i do anything about the people who do? no. ive come to terms with that.

ship your weird rarepair who never met in canon. draw your genderswap fanart. make your au askblog. write that fic you think wont be good enough. someone, somewhere, probably loves what youre creating.

the anons here saying shit like "oh im gonna kms over this" and "thats a fucking weird character to like", yall are the same. im sure you arent all vanilla ice-cream on a summers day level basic. youve got your unusual headcanons too.

we really have to let the minors in this fandom be. they arent going anywhere, myself included, because they dont want to. you cant force people out. so be fucking nice instead of making someone feel ashamed because they make jake a she/they or whatever.

holy fuckin shit that is. long. i am so sorry mod. if its too long you dont have to post it lmao

.

[cupidhaos]

playgrounds and first kisses

pairing: cha eunwoo x reader

word count: 2.3k

genre: fluff, slice of life, first kisses, childhood friends

summary: we go back to the time that eunwoo realizes his feelings for y/n go beyond platonic

warnings: none

a/n: it has came to my realizations that you could probably read these little fics without having to read my series and honestly if you think these are cute and like them you’re most likely gonna get ur heartbroken if u read the series LMAO also kudos to those who remember the original title :P

[part of my What is Love? series]

eunwoo was thirteen at the time that he had moved into mingyu and y/n’s neighborhood - his house right up the street from where the two of them had lived side by side. he came right in time as the summer quarter was just about to start up, transferring into the nearby middle school.

eunwoo’s first encounter with mingyu can be described with one word: wholesome. once eunwoo and his family had settled in, the kim’s had decided to take a visit to their neighbors to greet them. the young boy stood behind his mother as she talked to mrs.kim. mingyu stood next to his mother as he tried to get a better look at the other. his shyness got the best of him though as he inched more and more out of view.

“mingyu! don’t be rude and introduce yourself!” his mother scolded with a smack on the head. mingyu winced at the action but quickly recovered. a toothy smile spread across his face as he stuck out a hand towards the other young boy.

“i’m kim mingyu!” he greets, the atmosphere around them lightening up. eunwoo moves into frame and shyly takes his hand with a nervous smile “cha eunwoo” and right as he took his hand - mingyu began rambling on and on about this new video game that he bought and that was when eunwoo knew that they were gonna be good friends.

two weeks past after their initial greeting and the two of them got along greatly. they would both constantly be hanging out together and playing video games. occasionally inviting some of mingyu’s other friends that he had known also. it was a hot summer day where eunwoo had met the person that would captivate all thoughts in his mind for the next five years. the two middle school boys were playing video games in mingyu’s room when mrs.kim yelled for mingyu. the younger boy just waved her off as he concentrated hard on leveling up.

“mingyu! go greet y/n! they just came back from their trip!” his mom yelled from downstairs, but it seems as if mingyu was too zoned onto his game to even acknowledge what she had said. eunwoo looks up curiously from his own device at the sound of a new name “y/n? who’s y/n?”

it wasn’t until the sound of the doorbell ringing and hurried footsteps up the stairs that eunwoo would soon figure out the identity of the mystery person. the door to mingyu’s room slams open, causing both of the boys to jump in their spots. the sound indicating ‘game over’ was heard loudly on mingyu’s gameboy as he groans loudly.

the person standing at the door wore an annoyed look on their face as they carried a paper bag in their hand. they huffed angrily where they were standing and crossed their arms “you jerk! you didn’t even bothered to say hi!”

mingyu just rolls his eyes and grabs his gameboy again “i was busy. besides i didn’t want-”

he was cut off as they threw the paper bag towards mingyu’s forehead, resulting in a large ‘thunk’ noise to echo throughout the room. mingyu quickly grabs his forehead in pain, rubbing the targeted area as he tries to soothe himself. “what the hell!”

“i even got you a souvenir you ungrateful jerk!”

“what even is that!”

they stand proudly with a smile on their face and place their hands on both of their hips.  “its a volcanic rock from jeju! do you like it?”

eunwoo watches the scene lay out in front of him from where he sat on the floor by the closet door. he was pretty sure that this person was the ‘y/n’ that mingyu’s mom was talking about just moments before. he was also pretty sure she didn’t even see him in the room.

“you threw a rock at my face! you’re gonna give me a concussion!” mingyu grumbles as he still holds his forehead in pain. y/n doesn’t even acknowledge what he says as she goes to throw her arms around his neck, a smile so big on her face that eunwoo was worried it hurt.

“you missed me didn’t you! theres no need to lie gyu just admit it!” she cheerfully states and eunwoo nearly missed the blush that covered mingyu’s embarrassed face. “get off! you stink!” mingyu huffs as he shoves y/n off of him.

y/n lands on the floor - a pout on her lips as she crosses her arms. it was then that she noticed the other person in the room. the two finally make eye contact and y/n feels her face heat up. “mingyu! you never told me you had someone else over!”

the young boy just rolls his eyes at her though as he picks up his fallen gameboy. “you never gave me a chance to talk idiot! besides, you just showed up here unannounced!”

she just gives him a glare before turning back to eunwoo. she gives him a bright smile before extending out her arm just like how mingyu did when they first met. “i’m y/n! i live right next door! did you just move here?”

eunwoo nods shly in response to her question as he reached out to grab her hand. he couldn’t ignore the warm feeling he got in his stomach when their hands made contact. y/n glances down at the gameboy in his lap and gasps, moving to sit next to him.

as y/n leaned over his shoulder, asking millions of questions - eunwoo could feel his ears heat up at how close she was sitting next to him. he was also able to feel the stare he was getting from mingyu who sat on the bed, trying not to make it obvious he was looking at the two of them.

months pass by and eunwoo settles in nicely at their school. he became closer to y/n and mingyu along with making more and more friends despite his shy persona. soon enough two years passes by just like that and he was already fifteen.

now y/n wasn’t an idiot. she knew that her friends were attractive and popular, having their club full of admirers. people constantly coming up to y/n, asking if she was able to put a word or two in to one of her friends. but she had always looked past their looks and treated them normally despite so many of her other classmates putting them on such a high pedestal.

the day eunwoo knew that what he felt for y/n went beyond friendship was a day he would never forget. his girlfriend at the time had just broke up with him. he asked to meet up with her at the nearby park and told her the truth of how he really felt.

“i really do like you i do.. but i don’t know if they’re romantic”

sure he could’ve probably phrased his sentence a lot better but i mean he was fourteen. she kept urging him to kiss her but he refused - saying he didn’t feel as if he should be kissing someone that he didn’t really care for. again - could’ve phrased things a lot better.

so there he was, sitting on the swing alone after his now ex girlfriend slapped him in the face and stormed off. it was a warm day in july and the sun was slowly setting behind him. he was lost in thought, he didn’t know what romantic feelings really felt like. i mean that was his first girlfriend how was he supposed to know?  

he didn’t snap out of his thoughts until he heard someone sitting on the swing next to him. he lifts up his head slowly and meets eyes with y/n who softly smiled back at him, gently swung her legs back and forth as she sat next to him.

“whats got you all mopey? your girlfriend dump you or something?” she teases. but to her surprise eunwoo just solemnly nods and y/n feels her eyes widened. “she did. then she slapped me because i told her i wouldn’t kiss her.”

y/n stops her movements as she stares at eunwoo - her mouth agape. “what?! what happened! i thought things were going well with you two! you said you liked her!” eunwoo nods again and turns to look in front of him. “i did… she was really nice but i think she only liked me for my looks and not really for my personality. in all honesty i only went out with her because jungkook and yugyeom kept teasing me for not accepting any of my confessions”

eunwoo looks down. he wasn’t sure why but the thought of people only liking him for his looks hurt. he only accepted the confession because he kinda liked her - he thinks. he wasn’t sure how to define liking someone.

“i told her i wanted to kiss someone that was special to me. she took a lot of offense to that.” he adds on with a nervous laugh. he rubs the back of his neck and looks up to see y/n with an angry expression on her face.

“she shouldn’t be pressuring you like that! and only liking you for your looks?! thats so shallow! she should like you because of how nice and funny you are! and how cool but lame you can be. you have so many good qualities other than your face dongmin!” y/n huffs. he feels his eyes widen and watch as crosses her arms. eunwoo sits in shock for a moment before bursting out laughing.

y/n gives him a look of confusion as he covers his mouth to try and stop laughing. “did i - did i say something funny?” she asks to which eunwoo just shakes his head. “no it’s just - you’re getting so worked up on behalf of me and-”

“well that’s because i care about you!” she interrupts, causing eunwoo’s laughter to come to a halt. “i’m not just gonna let someone slap you for not liking them back and only being interested in your looks when theres so many good things about you!” and eunwoo hoped that she wasn’t able to see how red his face was right now. the shocked expression on his face slowly morphs into a soft smile though.

“thank you y/n. i honestly was thinking about kissing her though just so i could get it over with… that does seem a bit shallow of me so i wanted to tell her how i felt.” eunwoo confesses.

“are you dumb? even if it is your first kiss it shouldn’t be something forced!” she states and eunwoo nods at her statement.

“i know i know… i just… want to get my first kiss over you know? but i also want to do it with someone that i care about. i mean i just want to know what it’s like okay! i’m curious thats all.” he admits and its quiet between the two of them for awhile. the air began to feel a bit stuffy as if there were words being unspoken. it wasn’t until y/n spoke up that the silence was finally broken.

“do you really want your first kiss that bad?” she quietly asks, staring at her feet beneath her. eunwoo looks up at the question, almost not hearing her. before he can even answer - y/n takes in a deep breath before looking up to meet his eyes “kiss me then!”

eunwoo feels his heart stop at her words. his face felt as if he was burning. y/n’s face filled with embarrassment and she covered her face with her hands “or don’t! just act as if i didn’t say anything!”

“huh?” was all eunwoo could muster up. his brain stopping as he basically malfunctions.

“you said you wanted your first kiss really badly and wanted to do it with someone you cared about and i care about you and you care about me and we’re both friends and its just a kiss and-”

“okay”

“..huh?”

“okay. i’ll kiss you.”

y/n peeks through her fingers and tries to see if he was lying. slowly removing her hands from her face. she gulps and nods nervously. “okay then. but we’re just doing this as friends okay!” eunwoo nods in agreement - his heart picking up his pace. was this what it felt like to genuinely like someone?

y/n closes her eyes and eunwoo couldn’t help but be in awe at the way the sunset looked from behind her. it formed her outline perfectly and he couldn’t help but feel his hands start to sweat. no one ever making him feel this way before. he also closes his eyes and leans in from the swing that he sat on.

the kiss was short and chaste. but it still made eunwoo’s heart feel as if it would burst at that moment. was this the feeling he was looking for? was this what it felt like to be in love? he always knew that he cared for y/n, but never realized that it was the different type of care that he had for her than from the rest of his friends.

once the two of them pulled away, they both opened their eyes simultaneously. eunwoo froze from where he sat, unable to look away from her. all he knew was that this was a moment that would never leave his mind as the days go by.

y/n covers her face once again, turning to look away from him. she stands up quickly and turns back towards him with an embarrassed look on her face “if you tell anyone about this you’re dead!” she threatens running off. all eunwoo could do was nod dumbly as he tried to calm his racing heart.

it was then that he realized that he’s probably always felt this way for y/n. since the very first day that they met, he always wanted her to smile at him. the feeling that he gets when the two of them together is a feeling reserved only for her. he never thought about it before nor did he ever realized - but was this the feeling of love?

eunwoo couldn’t have asked for a more memorable first kiss.

moments of love masterlist

[heartachebf]

16, 17 (Tweek), and 25 -Batz 🖤💜

fandom asks

16. favorite behind-the-scenes insight ive actually got 2 answers for this !! first off, i love the fact that kenny is based off a Real Life kid trey knew growing up, who was Also named kenny n wore an orange coat that nobody could hear him over And was the poorest kid in town. and i rly love that kyle is blatantly based off matt stone ^_^ i have a big gay crush on matt so obvi that makes kyle one of my favs

17. 3 things you love about [insert character]

1. the fact that he can play piano And sing And act ^_^ i love that artsy little dweeb so much 2. the fact that his tics slowly got better over the years... sobbing n wailing.... AND the fact that he barely tics when hes around craig.... love wins 3. i love that he can kick ass should he choose to ^_^ he could maim someone so easily and i think he deserves to bonus number 4 bc i love him so much. i love that he can bake ^_^ i like to think that he stress bakes and will try out new recipes n then he'll take what he baked to school to let his friends try ^_^ hes god tier actually

25. favorite episode of [insert season] u didnt specify which season, so ill give my favs of each season (below the cut bc this post is getting long) (id also probs do this even if u Did specify which season bc. peace and love)

s1: i cant pick between episode 7, black friday (bc i Love the feel of all the early halloween episodes) or episode 10, damien (bc damien supremacy ^_^ im forever obsessed w the fact that he, the son of satan, has a super high pitched voice)

s2: EPISODE 17, GNOMES !!!!! i think that was tweeks first introduction and as such, its my fav ^_^ i rly love his voice in that ep <3

s3: episode 5, tweek vs craig, bc duh ^_^ the beginning of an era <3 plus its proof that tweek is tough n doesnt need protecting

s4: either episode 6, cherokee hair tampons (bc i love how fiercely stan tries to help kyle + its revealed that kyle has diabetes ^_^ i will forever cry over the fact that stan didnt hesitate to offer his kidney to save kyles life) or episode 8, something you can do with your finger (bc i love their silly little boy band + i love wendy joining their boy band + kyle wanting to be the tough one of the band + randy backstory/him being a lil insane but in a funny way)

s5: episode 3, super best friends ^_^ the origin of stan n kyle being super best friends ^_^ i also kinda love episode 10, how to eat with your butt, bc kenny is very endearing in it And we finally get to see what kyles hair looks like <3

s6: either episode 9, free hat, or episode 11, child abduction is not funny bc theres so much excellent tweek content ^_^ i also like ep11 bc of how dumb the parents are in that one, thats always amusing

s7: either episode 8, south park is gay (the fact that everyone was acting a lil fruity ^_^ gay rights ^_^ and also kyle rejecting dressing fruity and getting made fun of for that. so funny considering the fact that he Is gay, i prommy, kyle told me himself) or episode 14, raisins (bc butters was very sweet that episode + goth stan was introduced ^_^)

s8: omg this ones so hard to pick. i love episode 4, you got f'd in the a, bc stan having to get in a dance battle??? comedy gold. i love episode 6, the jeffersons, bc we stan n kyle being dads to blanket, gay ptide. and then i also love episode 11, quest for ratings, bc i love the guys having their own news team And i love that craig had a show dedicated to just showing cute animals. dork craig rights

s9: episode 10, follow that egg ... more silly little stan n kyle content ... stan gets rly fruity here and im obsessed w it. that whole episode gives me silly little au ideas ^_^

s10: episode 14, stanleys cup. froths at the mouth. that one anon of mine, hockey fic anon? theyre writing a silly little fic based off an au of That episode ^_^ that ep is so quality

s11: goes insane. episode 8, le petit tourette bc i loved seeing cartman in anguish + dork craig content. episodes 10, 11, and 12 aka the imaginationland trilogy bc. god. just so good. i cant even explain it. episode 13, guitar queer-o bc it gives me Another great au idea + stan n kyle are fruity in it. and finally, episode 14, the list, bc there was lots of good wendy content And kyle got a little unhinged ^_^ as he deserves <3

s12: this is another one where its so hard to pick... episode 1, tonsil trouble, bc kyle got to go in attack mode again. episode 3, major boobage, bc we got silly little kenny content ^_^ episode 9, breast cancer show ever, bc thats when wendy beat the shit out of cartman <3 episodes 10 and 11, pandemic and pandemic 2, bc. craig content ^_^ and also ive already talked on my blog abt how its the best 2 parter ever. and episode 13, elementary school musical, bc stans gang was particularly goofy n their musical number was so fun ^_^

s13: episode 8, dead celebrities, bc kyle and ike content!!! i love them so much!!! and also episode 11, whale whores, bc stan Attacked And Killed all for the love of animals, n i love him for it

s14: episodes 11, 12, and 13, tha superhero episodes ^_^ i loved getting to see everyones superhero costumes in action And we got to learn more abt kennys immortality, which was so exciting !!

s15: episodes 7 and 8, youre getting old and ass burgers. starts sniffling and crying and collapses on the floor while sobbing. thats all i have to say about that, peace and love

s16: episode 5, butterballs (bc stan is so! hes just so !!! yknow. the anti bullying song in it is So good, And i live for butters standing up for himself ^_^ also the song at the end is god tier), episode 6, i never shouldve gone ziplining (its so fuckn funny, and i live for the live action bit at the end), and episode 11, going native (bc of that sweet, sweet butters n kenny content ^_^ i also live for butters Attacking in it)

s17: episode 4, goth kids 3: dawn of the posers. probably my fav goth kids centric episode ^_^ its so good n funny

s18: episode 3, the cissy. starts sniffling and crying again, but this time in transgender mode. i also love episode 6, freemium isnt free bc we get another Glimpse into stans issues w addiction ^_^ peace and love on planet earth

s19: episode 6, tweek x craig. love wins, gay ptide, etc etc

s20: um. i actually kinda hated this season. but ig if i Had to choose one, itd be episode 10, the end of serialization as we know it, bc it finally ended that season ^_^ no offense to any s20 stans out there, i just thought it was so boring

s21: episode 2, put it down. tweek n craig content, gay ptide ^_^ this is also the one where we learned that tweek can sing, play piano, And bake, and we also got to see craig learn how to support tweek better, which was very sweet ^_^

s22: episode 10, bike parade. i didnt super love this season either, so its kinda a case of picking the one i wasnt bored with. plus in a way it kinda felt like one of the original episodes, it was like a lil blast from the past !

s23: episode 2, band in china ^_^ we got stans band, crimson dawn !! it was great learning more abt how stan felt abt having to move to a farm, plus butters ripping it on a guitar was so funny. and then randy did stuff too idk

s24: this season has just been the 2 specials so far, but i liked the vaccination special, episode 2 the best ^_^ bc 1, the brovorce arc started, n im rly excited to see what happens with that. and also the way it ended left me hopeful that maybe the shows gonna go back to the way it used to be a little bit <3 i also liked how we saw stan gettin really mentally ill with freaking out over the pandemic, but that mightve been in the first episode instead...

[picturetoburnnn]

Sweater Weather | C.H. x Reader

word count - 2.4k+

warnings - insecurity i guess?? idk

propmt - I was hoping you could do one where you’re cared to wear values clothes? Like you see Sierra and crystal wearing Michael and Luke’s clothes but you’re nervous that claim won’t want you to? (theres more but for the sake of length i’ll tag the request here !!

a.n. - long time coming!! life majorly got in the way, i did my best to get this done as fast as i could while still keeping the quality. accidentally got carried away. hope yall love it 

ps we are pretending calum still has his curls in this fic because that was my favorite

tags - @songforhema @asht0ns-world @lukesflaredpants @sunflowerxcal @star-gazing-calum @cxddlyash @emomack @merryblueberry02 @kinglyhood @caswinchester2000 @babe-babylon @irwinkitten @1delicate-fangirl dm me to be added!!! 

“You always look so cute in my clothes,” Luke whispers with a smile as he presses a kiss to Sierra’s temple. Sierra smiled giddily, bringing her sweater paw hands up to her face. The couple looked adorable cuddled up on the couch, sunlight stumbling over their figures with a throw blanket haphazardly thrown over their laps.

I frowned, looking down to my feet. 

Cal’s clothes probably wouldn’t even fit me.

“Hey,” Calum slung his arm over my shoulder. “You okay?” He asked, big brown eyes full of concern.

“Yeah.” I plastered on a fake smile, meeting his gaze. “I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“I’m fine, Cali,” I chuckled. 

He didn’t look convinced, but relented. His arm fell from my shoulder to my waist as he tangled his feet with mine on the loveseat.

The open windows blew autumn air into the living room in Ashton’s house, a gentle chill filling the air. Luke, Sierra, Michael, and Crystal were all lounging on the sofa, leaving Ashton with the recliner chair (“Fine by me, thank you very much,” he huffed).

The end credits rolled, leading just about everyone to a stretch break. As Crystal stood, I couldn’t help but notice how she wore Michael’s sweatpants.

He’s never even offered to let me try on one of his shirts. He probably doesn’t want me to. 

 Calum stood, stretching his arms behind his head, shirt riding up to show a tiny bit of his adorable tummy. He leaned down with a groan, placing his hands on the couch’s backrest on either side of my head, boxing me in. “I’m gonna step outside for a smoke break, okay baby?” 

“Okay,” I whispered, smiling at him.

He gave me a quick kiss before standing up, motioning for Ashton to come outside with him.

“Do you know if we have any more blankets?” I asked the two couples. “It’s kinda chilly in here.”

Luke answered, “I think the rest of Ash’s blankets are in the wash, but I’ve got one of Cal’s old hoodies in my car. I’ll go grab it for ya.” 

“Oh no, really, it’s not a big--”

“Nah, I’ll go grab it.”

Before I could say another word, he’s out the door. Idle chatter filled the room until the singer’s return. He dropped the green Empathy hoodie in my lap, mumbling a quiet “Here you go.”

“Thanks,” I grinned up at him, trying to hide my worry. How would Calum react to me wearing his clothes? Would he be mad? I put my arms through the sleeves and pulled it over my head. Guess I’m about to find out.

A few minutes pass before Calum and Ashton come back inside. I sat on the loveseat, scrolling through my phone when I heard the back sliding door open. I looked up, and my heart fell.

Calum was staring at me, shocked. I knew he didn’t want me wearing his stuff. I tore the green hoodie off my body faster than I’ve ever taken anything off before, muttering a small ‘sorry’ as I dropped the ball of fabric on the sofa. I stood up quickly, rushed past Calum into the hallway, made a sharp left to the bathroom, and locked the door behind me. The ground swayed beneath me as I slumped down, my back against the door as I balled my fist against my mouth, trying to silence the impending cries.

I wasn’t about to cry in front of my boyfriend and his friends. 

Of course I wasn’t supposed to wear his stupid shirts. They’re HIS, not mine. What made me think otherwise?

“Y/N, baby, what’s wrong?” His lovely voice drifted through the door. 

“Go away, Cal. I’m sorry,” I whimpered, tears choking me.

“Sweetheart, open the door.”

I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see. 

“Y/N.” Calum’s voice sounded more desperate than anything I’d ever heard.

Perhaps it was that exact desperation that led me to silently twist around and unclick the lock. Within an instant, Calum was standing in the doorway, looking down on my crumpled form. He knelt down, moving to put his arms around me. 

Silently, I pushed his arms away. The gesture was sweet, but suffocating. 

“Can you please take me home?”

“Tell me what’s wrong, baby,” he pleaded.

“I wanna go home,” I whispered, hands shaking as I wiped my tears.

A deep sigh. “Okay,” he relents. “We can go back home.”

He walked me silently to the car, waving off the concerned questions from our friends. The drive was a silent one, leaving me to break the quiet. The clock on the dash read 4:46.

“Can you please take me to my place?”

Calum all but slammed on the brakes. “W-what? Baby, all your stuff is at my house.”

“I just… I really think I need to be there tonight,” I sniffled.

Calum nodded, but I could see it hurt him to do so. 

Great. Not only did I wear his things, I also hurt his feelings. God, what a mess I am.

He pulled into the parking lot of my apartment complex. “Are you sure, Y/N? Do you want me to stay with you?”

“No.” I shook my head, sniffling again as I opened the door. “I’ll be fine.” It didn’t feel as if I were moving as I climbed out of the car.

“Hey,” he called before I shut the door. “I love you.”

I nodded, then swung the door shut.

~~~

Calum called Ashton on the drive back home. 

“So what happened?” His best friend asked.

“She isn’t telling me!” Calum exclaimed, one hand on the steering wheel, the other rubbing his forehead.

“But she asked me to drive her back to her place. The only times she stays there is if I’m out of town and you’re taking care of Duke. She always stays with me.”

“And you didn’t do anything that you can think of?” Ashton’s voice held no malice, but Calum felt the underlying implication.

“She won’t tell me. I don’t want to press her, I’m sure she’ll tell me when she’s ready, but I’m worried about her. I was so happy to finally see her wearing my stuff, but she whipped it off and ran to the bathroom. She seemed on the verge of a panic attack when she finally opened the door for me. I love her, man, and it hurts she won’t tell me what’s wrong. ”

“I don’t know, Cal. I’ll see what I can get her to tell me.”

Calum’s heart ached. Why couldn’t she just talk to him? He loved her, just wanted her to be okay, but she shut him out? What was wrong? What had happened? What thought wormed its way into that pretty little head of hers and made her shut down completely?

~~~

It was almost eleven p.m. when my phone rang, lighting up my nightstand in the black. I picked it up, not even checking the caller ID, desperate for some distraction from this empty feeling inside. 

“Hello?”

“Y/N,” Ashton sighed in relief. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

I swallowed. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not, girl, and it’s okay. Tell me what happened.”

And the floodgates opened. I poured my heart out, everything that went through my mind came rushing past my lips before I could think twice. 

“I was just cold,” I choked out. “I wanted a blanket, but Luke said all he had was one of Calum’s sweatshirts so I put that on. Crystal and Sierra are always wearing Mike and Luke’s clothes but Calum’s never once even mentioned it to me so I figured he didn’t want me to. I was afraid to put on the stupid hoodie in the first place, but I did anyways cause I fugured ‘what’s the harm,’ right? He comes back in with you and he’s looking at me as if his entire world just came crashing down around him. I knew I shouldn’t have worn that freaking green sweatshirt. It’s his, not mine. I didn’t need to be wearing it - I shouldn’t have been wearing it. But I did, and he looked so upset that I panicked and almost accidentally threw myself into an attack. He’s right to not want me wearing his stuff. I’d probably just stretch it out and make it unwearable for him.”

Ashton was silent for a moment. “You really think that?”

“Yeah,” I coughed out between cries. 

“Y/N…” Ashton breathed. He went on in the calmest voice he could muster. “He was… overjoyed to see you in his clothes.”

I could have sworn I stopped breathing. 

"Honestly, he’s never been more in love than he is with you. And I know for a fact that all he’s ever wanted is for his love to tell him they’re his in the subtlest ways. That includes wearing his shirts. It’s something he’s wanted since the beginning of your relationship, when he realized he loved you.”

A beat of quiet. No sounds could be heard but the ticking of the clock on the wall. 

“You still there?”

“I’m so stupid,” I breathed. 

“No, you’re not. Just a little oblivious. He’s worried sick about you, though. He told me you’re at your place instead of his?”

“Yeah.”

“If it’s because you think you cause him difficulties or struggles or are the source of his problems, I can guarantee you that is not the case. I‘ve never seen him happier than he is when he’s with you. You brought him joy when he was in his darkest spots. He loves you, Y/N. And I know you love him too.”

I stayed quiet, thinking about what he just said.

“Y/N?”

“I gotta go.” I hung up the phone right then.

~~~

Hours of contemplation later, I finally came to a conclusion. Grabbing my phone, I ordered an Uber, sliding on my shoes and scrambling for my keys. 

I waited for just a few minutes before I got the notification that the car had arrived. The driver was kind enough to understand that I wasn’t in the mood to talk, and offered the aux cord to me. I kindly refused, thanking them for the offer.

“Let me know if you need anything,” they said softly as they began the drive to Calum’s.

I bounced my leg up and down in anticipation. Was he mad at me? Would he understand? Is he upset that I didn’t understand? 

I spent the majority of the drive trapped in my thoughts. I didn’t process the vehicle pulling up to the curb until the driver gently said, “Miss?”

That snapped me out of my reverie, snapping my head to the window. “Oh, thank you so much. Sorry about that.”

I put a ten dollar bill on the center console. “For you,” I smiled quickly, and was out of the car before they could argue. 

I braced myself against the cold, crossing my arms and rubbing my biceps. In the rush to get here, I forgot a sweater (yet again). As I stepped onto the porch, I knocked before I could think about what I was doing. As seconds passed, I started second guessing myself. This was stupid. He probably isn’t even awake. 

Before I could turn around, the door flung open. “Y/N?”

His hair was a tousled mess, as if he had constantly been running his fingers through it - something I always knew he did when he felt stressed. His eyes were shadowed by dark circles that hadn’t been so prominent earlier in the day. 

I flung myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face in his shoulder. After just a moment’s hesitation, he reciprocated. 

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled into his sleeve. “I should have come home, I’m sorry.”

His hand ran over my hair as he gently shushed me.

I pulled away, snifiling. 

“You catching a cold, angel?” His hands held my face as he looked me over.  “Let’s get you inside, sweetheart.” I nodded, crossing the threshold with him hot on my heels. 

The door shut. “Wh-”

“I thought you were mad at me,” I blurted, spinning to face him. “For wearing your sweatshirt. “That’s why I acted like that. I thought you didn’t want me in your stuff, that you were upset at me for it. I threw it off and ran because you thought I’d stretch it out and make it unwearable again. I was cold and that’s all Luke said he had so I just took it, y’know? Ashton called me and told me I was wrong, though. I wanted to say sorry for jumping to conclusions.”

Calum stared at me for a minute before letting out a breathy chuckle that eventually turned into a full belly laugh. 

“Okay,” I say only half-jokingly. “I poured my emotions out there and you’re laughing.”

“Baby,” he wheezes. “Why would you ever think I’d be mad for something as small as that?”

“I don’t know,” I say quietly in my stubborn voice, pouting. “That’s just how my brain works.”

Calum puts his hands on my arms, smiling at me. “Y/N. I love you. Very, very much. I would be eternally happy to let you wear my sweatshirts any time you want. I don’t think you can possibly stretch them out more than I already have. And if you do, then so what? It’s just a hoodie. You, my love, are much more important to me than that.”

I blushed, hands covering my face as he wrapped his arms around my waist. “I cannot believe you,” he giggles, resting his chin atop my head.

“Hey!” I cried, but was muffled by his chest. “You’re the one who laughed as soon as I told you!”

He sighed dramatically, pulling away but keeping his arms tight around my waist. He looked me in the eyes. “I guess that was a little rude. I’m sorry angel. Can I make it up to you with some snuggles?” He gave me his best puppy-dog look, big eyes and all.

“Yeah,” I smiled, leaning up on my tip-toes to bring my face closer to his. 

“Yeah? Pretty girl gonna forgive me for laughing?” He ghosts his lips over mine. 

“Only if you give her a kiss.”

“I can do that.”

He presses his lips against mine, and everything feels like it’ll be alright. 

~~

Twenty minutes later, there’s a John Mulaney show playing on the television, a bowl of popcorn between us as Calum’s feet tangle with mine. My head rests on his shoulder, his hand on my thigh. 

And I’m wearing his hoodie. 

[writsgrimmyblog]

Rec List #1 Theme: 2018 Favourites

One of my fandom resolutions is to rec more in 2019. I’m going to post rec lists for some of my favourite Nick fics divided up by theme/content/ship or whatever I fancy throughout the year. It seems fitting that my first rec post of 2019 should be my favourite Nick Fics of 2018. If you’re interested in my Harry Potter themed recs, you can find them over on my other blog @writcraft under the tag #writ recs where I’m undertaking the same initiative.

This is by no means an exhaustive list - I’m limiting myself to ten recs per list and it is very difficult, I could have recced many more. I’ve read and enjoyed a whole raft of terrific stories and this rec list is simply based on my personal tastes which may not be everybody else’s cuppa. Please heed the content warnings the author has flagged on AO3 in each case, none of my recs include the content tags.

#1. Ten Track Sophomore Album by @junkshop-disco​ 

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 4,228

Nick has always lived in noise, been the cause of a lot of it, but one day a boy writes him into a pop song and the whole world dissolves into static.

It doesn’t happen like that, not that easy, not that linear, but that’s the heart of it, the soul, if these things have such a thing.

My Rec: The Nick fic of 2018 is undoubtedly the final installment of junkshop-disco’s incredible Doodle of a Surface Life but that has quite rightly garnered so many recs by now if any Gryles reader hasn’t yet indulged, run, quick, what are you waiting for? I love DOASL with all of my heart, but I’m also a sucker for angst and I wanted to highlight this equally terrific fic in my rec list. The structure of this story, in which Nick loses his ability to hear music, is so cleverly done. It’s a very skilled writer that can create an entire fic around sound and make it come alive, and junkshop-disco manages it brilliantly. The fic reads like music, even as it describes the absence of it and it’s a stunning piece of writing. If you like your Gryles contemplative and angsty with confident, lyrical prose, this is the one for you. Junkshop-disco has such a terrific way with words I highly recommend reading all the works by this author. Every single one. But when you do make sure you take a moment to stop by this beautiful story and leave it all the love it deserves.

#2. Tell Me It’s The Strongest Shape by @louandhazaf

Nick Grimshaw/Elgar Johnson/Louis Tomlinson | 73,224

Nick and Elgar have it all. They’re famous, successful, and engaged to be married—and sometimes they play with others.

When uni student Louis gets street cast by Elgar for a GQ photoshoot, he's drawn into Nick and Elgar’s complicated relationship.

They've always invited mates into their bed. It doesn’t ever mean anything. Until… it does.

My Rec: This is such a great exploration of polyamory and the complexities of open relationships, and the author took a great deal of time developing the relationships between the characters and really working on highlighting some of those difficulties. I tend to gravitate towards fanfic where I care deeply about the characters, and although Elgar seems terrific I don’t have the same fannish relationship to him as I do to Nick and Louis so I was curious to know how I would respond to this fic. Basically, the author killed it. I felt such a deep investment in Elgar, Nick and Louis throughout and everything just flew by as I was reading. It’s also really fucking hot. Like, REALLY. Brilliantly done. I loved it. 

#3. Let The Boys All Sing And The Boys All Shout For Tomorrow by @lunarrua​

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 18,429

It's February 1988. Thatcher is in power. There's a new drug sweeping through the clubbing scene. In Manchester, it's the eve of a major protest and a new musical movement. And when Nick finds Harry looking lost outside his favourite chip shop, it's the start of a weekend that will leave an indelible mark on both their lives.

My Rec: I saw the summary for this fic and actually yelled at my screen when it popped into my inbox. Gryles, set in Manchester in the 80s? Hell yes. The fic itself certainly didn’t disappoint, it’s absolutely beautiful. The author writes a well-researched, confident piece and the result is stunning. The atmosphere of the whole story is captivating and you can feel yourself transported to the heady days before the Manchester music scene shifted, the anxieties of the AIDS crisis and the fragility of the relationships formed during that period. The Harry of this fic has a transient quality which evokes the nostalgic reflection on a different time in our not so distant past. A real triumph. I loved this story with my whole heart. 

#4. Séjour by @silveredsound

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 6,288

It is so quiet, which should be conducive to concentration, but Nick is bored and listless and lonely. He’s been there for two days and wants to know where the helpful lady is who’ll deliver him a gamine but takes-no-shit housekeeper who he can fall in love with without words. Words are not his friend.

“Where is my Love Actually moment?” he asks the ceramic kitchen sink as he pokes holes in the cover of one of the M&S ready meals he brought over with him.

«≠»

Nick’s got writer's block. Louis is a master of distraction.

My Rec: I’ve loved a number of stories by Silv this year and I was swinging back and forth between this and others, but there’s something about this little fic that has wormed its way into my heart and has taken hold so this is the one I’m choosing. As I said in my earlier reblog rec, this has such lush, evocative prose it perfectly captures the sense of a fleeting summer. There’s a seductive quietness to it, and a lovely unfolding of the story through snippets of tasting notes left by Louis on bottles of wine and Nick feeling a little bit lost and searching for words as he struggles with writer’s block. Two boys find one another in the warmth of a sleepy French town and it’s beautiful. Really wonderfully done.

#5. Fists & Flowers ‘Verse by @jiksax

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 1,613 (Make It Worse) and 2,322 (I’ll Do What You Like (If You Stay The Night)

He’s looking at Nick with that soft, terrible look in his eyes, the look that tells Nick the two of them are probably something.

My Rec: If anyone other than Jiksa had told me they were planning an angsty fisting fic series I would have been like umm really? But of course, it’s Jiksa, so naturally I found myself sobbing at the raw, devastating intensity of the story. Jiksa deftly weaves the intensity of the physical act itself into the emotional tumult of Harry and Nick’s relationship in a way that’s incredibly beautiful. A bold, brave, superb piece of hot, confident writing, rich with emotional complexity. Gorgeous.

#6. Constantly on the Cusp by @shiftylinguini

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 6169

It’s 5 in the morning, and Nick’s got an alarm going off, an unexpected bed full of pop star, and a nation to wake up.

It’s far too fucking early for this.

My Rec: UNFFFFF. I love Shifty’s writing. Like, an obsessive amount. I was so thrilled when Shifty started writing Tomlinshaw I didn’t know quite what to do with myself. It’s actually hard to believe this was Shifty’s first Tomlinshaw, because everything about the fic felt like they have been writing them for years. Louis is sleepy, horny and pissed off, Nick is awake, horny and wondering what it all means, and together they have this scorching hot, sexy moment. Nick’s internal monologue  gives us so much insight into their relationship and the fic offers a lovely, warm, hopeful moment at the end. Fantastically written and a sexy delight from start to finish. Loved it!

#7. this cookie’s baking by @disgruntledkittenface 

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles (Genderswap Femslash) | 8,148

Harry’s eyes flicker between Nick’s eyes and lips. “I just want to be your–”

“Baby,” Nick says softly, cupping Harry’s jaw, “you already are.”

Nick and Harry have a long-overdue conversation.

My Rec: This was the first genderswap Gryles fic I have read and I absolutely loved it. The relationship between Nick and Harry feels so perfectly them and there’s a lovely warmth to the whole story. It’s light and funny but also contains moments of real emotional depth and those first time explorations and the hesitancy of admitting to being something more than friends is handled in such a terrific way. It’s a gorgeous story with wonderful writing and I loved every minute of reading it.

#8. let’s make some new rules by @camiii 

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 12,743

A coffee shop, a Christmas party & a fake date to make sure no one gets laid at the end of the night.

My Rec: This was such an enjoyable read. I love camiii’s Tomlinshaw, and seeing this pop up was a wonderful surprise. Barista Louis agrees to be Nick’s fake boyfriend as he pines over an ex that definitely isn’t worth his time, and they become closer in the process. The pace of the story is wonderful, the flirting is brilliant and despite some misunderstandings and Nick’s no good ex trying to fuck things up, the ending is warm and hopeful. A lovely story, full of festive cheer. Thoroughly enjoyable.

#9. I’ll be seeing you by @daretomarvel​ / renlyne

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 11,481

It’s 2028, and Nick’s bought a house.

My Rec: I love Ren’s writing and this Notebook inspired Gryles is a beautiful treat of a story, in which Nick starts buying little bits for his dream house. It’s hard to believe this story is just over 11,000 words because the world the author creates is so rich, detailed, layered and complex. The relationship between Nick and Harry has all of these gorgeous details and nuggets of history as it grows and develops, seedling-like, into something that might just be everything they’ve both been searching for. It’s a warm, hopeful, beautiful story but as it’s Ren, it manages to still tug at the heartstrings in the best kind of way. I read this again as I was putting my rec list together and did so with a lump in my throat, full of feels for the Nick and Harry of Ren’s universe. Gorgeous writing with bags of emotional intensity. I loved it.

#10. All I’ve ever had are love songs by @candybarrnerd / icarusinflight

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 21,688

Things are finally coming together for Nick.

Nick is the DJ of his uni's radio stations, and he passively aggressively dedicates a song to Louis.

My Rec: Icarusinflight is another author who was already on my periphery from Harry Potter fandom who wrote their first Tomlinshaw fic this year and I was so thrilled to see them writing in this fandom and I’m very excited about their upcoming 2019 projects which also includes fics featuring the 1D boys in various ship combos. I love uni AUs and I hadn't read one for a while, so this was such a treat. I loved how Louis is sharp, sassy and confident but with niggling insecurities. Harry was so affectionately humorous in this story and Nick’s voice is wonderful. This is a really well-paced, enjoyable story with a hot af first kiss that deserves a mention all of its own. The music references, the tea and the cameos from various 1D members are all terrific and the writing is brilliant. Can’t wait for more from this author this year.

Bonus Rec: I was meant to limit this to just 10 recs but I also wanted to give a quick shout out to @nightwideopen. I’ve said this in previous rec lists before, but I am constantly impressed by the quality of @nightwideopen‘s writing and the way they explore things such as asexuality and gender dysphoria which can be harder to find in a relatively small fandom. I’d particularly rec so far (it’s alright) and i’ve been thinking lots about your mouth from this year, both Tomlinshaw.

[sakuurae]

Thank you so much for your writing tips! After reading your works, I wanted to find out if you have tips for people like me and I was so elated that you had this really long post dedicated to it. My native tongue isn't English but I'm more comfortable with writing in English and your tips are helping me so much! I have a question though regarding the introduction to a series because honestly I'm really bad at it and I'm lacking ideas on how to write it entertaining enough. (1)

It would be really nice if you could give some tips on that topic as well. Of course only if you find the time for it. Thank you in advance♡ (2)

Aaah, thank you for reading the post !! ^~^ Im happy they were helpful in some sort of way, haha. Its also really great knowing that youre comfortable in writing in english *~* Im not really sure how to answer this or give proper advice, but ill do my best !! ^~^

I find the introduction to a series or any work in general imperative to the story. Basically the introduction is the exposition, which gives information about the setting and characters—which is pretty important to know at the start of a story ! For the introduction as a whole i would introduce a main character and the setting, and hint at the main personality traits of the protagonist that eventually creep up to one of the conflicts. For example, in my fic ‘midnight drive’ the setting and oc are introduced almost immediately. Though, introductions can also be historical contexts of the entire piece. For example, my series ‘after hours’ has a prologue that states the main points of the story.

I focus on this because sometimes theres a lot of information dumping in introductions and its a lot for readers to catch onto. Personally i think it is better to gather information along the way over squeezing everything in the introduction; of course, it makes a fun read to find more out about the story later on ! I tell myself, whenever i information dump, that as long as i have the basic exposition im fine !! For example, this is from a fic i gave up on about a pirate!taeyong running into a mermaid!oc that lives at the tide pool of prince!dongyoung’s castle, i dont have to introduce all three characters in the introduction or jump to the main conflict of the oc leaving prince dongyoung to explore the sea. The way i would, and did, start is with the oc swimming in the ocean heading to prince dongyoungs castle, and at the first mention of dongyoung id provide information about him. Taeyong comes in way later. (i hope this example makes sense *~*)

Its great to have a hook for your introduction; for me, i tend to open with a single sentence then explain that single statement for a couple of paragraphs ! Though, there are multiple ways to open up your story like starting with a brief conflict, action (the even that triggers the conflict), a character introduction, describing the setting, a back story, etc.

Some short examples of first paragraphs;(I thought of these off the top of my head so im sorry if theyre not the best !)

Action/conflict: It was one run around the city in search of an exit; it was another to get caught an dash from the cops. Ever since children were separated from their families to get trained for the war there was nothing but despair circulating the town. Children struggled to accustom to the new lifestyle; some accepted it easily while others did not. Renjun was more of the latter; though, it was because of his recklessness and unwillingness to cooperate that got him stuck in that situation.Expeditiously he turned the corner that led to an alleyway devoured by darkness, blending with the shadows to save his own life.

Character Introduction: Waking up before noon was not a part of her daily routine. Falling asleep when she saw the first light of dawn was a quality of hers she struggled to ease out of. It explains the short days she experienced and the tiredness she felt throughout the duration of the sun peeking out. To be honest she believed there was nothing problematic with this pattern; in fact, she would sleep all the way to three o’clock if she could.So why did she end up waking up before her typical time at one o’clock in the morning?Because her roommate Lee Taeyong is a dick.

Setting: Once the sun sets in the distance, the city started to come to life. With the sun dips at the horizon, the little beams of lights slowly fading to nothing, the view morphed into a surreal painting. Night dripped on onto the sky bit by bit, transforming the strawberry hues and altering its color to a flawless aegean blue. It allows the golden splatters to shine on its navy canvas, and it provided a mythical glow towards the vehicles that started to flicker on their headlights. The illumination from purring cars weaved their way through the city’s body in a hasty manner; they were the city’s veins, humming with a single story, and you ached to capture each one.Of course with your camera, it was possible to.

If youd like novel examples of introductions then check out...

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (describes the setting)

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern (starts off with background)

Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan (starts off with a character)

Bastard Out of Carolina by Dorothy Allison (starts off with backstory)

The 5 ws are good to remember for writing an introduction !! Hahaha. Did you introduce the characters ? What are they or were they doing ? Did you include the setting ? Etc.

Usually you would know whether or not if you have written a solid introduction because you would be proud of it, or at least thats how i feel. If i feel as if i did a good job in the introduction then i included my main points; if i included my main points then i usually feel like i did a good job.

What helps is outlining !! I outline my entire fic, but outlining an introduction to start really aids this journey. This way you have a map on what to write, include, etc.

I have to cut this short because i have to head to class now, but i hope what i included is helpful enough as is !!

[newyorkmockery-blog]

Mint

Mint is the mysterious and generous boy that finally gets your nose out of your books

Word Count: 3,077

Tag: Fluff?

Notes: Hey! This is the first fic I’ve ever written or published so excuse if it’s not the best quality writing. I only published it because it was highly requested on my 8tracks (i made a playlist for the fic I’ll post it separately) so it’s here for those to read. hope you all enjoy and thanks for taking the time to read!! :) Also sorry if I didn't catch grammar or spelling errors 

Holiday break has just ended and I couldn’t have been more upset about it. It went by so fast that it doesn’t even feel like I gotten any rest. I spent Christmas and New Years in the library studying for finals while everyone else is getting their eggnog and time-stopping midnight kiss on. The librarian even gave me a gift for Christmas which I think it’s her secretly telling me 'We're friends now because you practically live in my library and you keep me company.' It’s okay though because she is the only other friend I have other than my best friend. It sounds pretty lonely if you think about it but it’s never bothered me, I kind of enjoy studying because I see it as adding more water and fertilizer to the garden that is knowledge. I also enjoy the solitude the library gives me as well as Linda’s routine checkups.

Because break is now over, there are more students who take shelter in the library because of the upcoming finals. Most of the student body are cramming. From time to time I always look at my surroundings to give my eyes a break for the black printed text in front of me. I see bodies slumped over lacklusterly reading the text before them as if the pages are just blank with no life in them. I see hair messily knotted on heads and tired bagged eyes darting towards their abnormally large caffeinated drinks just to stay awake. It’s fun to watch, cram week is the most eventful time in this library if I’m being frank.

To think of my studying habit to being interrupted is something I’ve never thought about and today is the day that I do. I’ve been at the library for about fifteen hours now and the only source of the outdoors I’ve gotten are the windows that stand tall side by side in an orderly and symmetrical matter. I look around the room taking in its scent of old books and hazelnut, looking at the conditions of people I’ve never even seen or talk to in my life that just happen to be sitting at the giant long tables around me. I hadn’t realized that someone was occupying the same table as mine as I usually sit alone until I looked forward and my eyes met soft, darker ones that were observing my every move.

His features were very soft and his skin was healthy and pale and looked like it was made from the finest silk which contrasted the pretty soft pink that were his plump lips. I looked at his eyes as he never broke contact from my face as I was reading him. I was fascinated how his eyes were shaped as I’ve never seen eyes like his, filled with something I couldn’t put my finger on but also with no particular expression on his whole face.  The one thing that stood out the most was his hair. It was a nice blue that faded into a bright pastel mint.

Nothing was exchanged between me and this mysterious boy as we stared at each other in silence, our eyes doing all the talking. I was so bewildered I didn't have the power to say anything in the moment. I gave him a small smile and glanced back down to my book, not giving him the chance to say anything else.

The next day I returned to the library to continue my routine study session, Mint is what  I secretly named him, hasn’t left my head since yesterday. To rid him from my mind, I begin my studying for the day. Looking in-between the shelves of the library for what I need for the day. As I approach the table I usually sit at and I see Mint there, sitting in the same place he was yesterday. As I set my books down, i quickly look around to make sure I'm sitting at the right table. I look back at my books and grab my chair to sit down and i glance at him only for him and I to lock eyes again. I observe his face again as if I’m expecting to see something different  this time but I don’t. I even look at his eyes again to see a flash of something like I did yesterday but alas, nothing. I look at what’s around him and notice a handful of books about music and audio engineering. Seems like an interesting major if that even is his major I think to myself as I’ve done all the curious staring i need to do for the time being. Just like yesterday, I give him a small smile and continue reading.

He grew on me after days turned into weeks of Mint sitting at my table, small smiles turned into kind nods and so fourth, always short and sweet as we both had our own objectives to complete and we both knew that. Time kept passing and our “relationship” never went past those nods and smiles, but now it’s three days before the first final of the year and I haven’t slept for two. The only alternative to staying awake and being close to active is the light that comes in through the large windows and the small occasional walks I take from my table to the shelves, looking for a book or the walk from my table to the restroom and of course, how could I forget my periodical stretches and eye rubs. At least today is nice and sunny outside and that gives me the slightest bit of motivation to know that I’ll actually feel the authenticity of the sunlight on my skin very soon. Theres barley anyone here either as they’re probably trying to catch up on sleep from the past few weeks, this means more engagement to what I’m reading. I smile to myself just thinking about it as I continue.

I was so immersed in what I was reading that I didn’t notice that Mint had arrived later than usual and two cups of coffee and food in one hand, and books in the other. When I did notice, I couldn’t help but to stare in confusion. Was he really going to eat and drink all of that? He didn’t notice me staring since he was organizing his area. His head suddenly springs up at me and gives me a warm closed mouthed smile for the first time ever. I smile back, trying to hide the apparent confusion on my face. He seems to notice as his eyes dart from mine to the coffee. He takes the coffee out of the cupholder and takes one of the bags and hands it to me. My eyes slightly widen, how stupid can I be to think he was going to consume all of that? I thought as I looked at the coffee and mysterious paper bag. I look back at at him and before I could open my mouth and finally tell him something he beats me to it.

"I bought you some coffee and a glazed doughnut. I hope that’s okay with you I just noticed you looked more tired than usual. I’m Yoongi by the way Min Yoongi."

I thought he couldn't possibly have been more attractive but I was wrong, and the sound of his voice proved that to me. His voice was soft and sweet, just like his features and let me not forget how deep it was like his eyes that always feel like they're telling me something. I was in a slight daze because the whole situation is something i would’ve never expected coming from an acquaintance like Yoongi. I’m even surprised at the fact that I can finally put a name on Mint thats not the one I gave him. The more I thought about the whole situation, the more I felt like time didn’t exist anymore and it was just me and Yoongi. I continued to stare at him with slight wide eyes, amazed that he went out of his way to look out for someone he doesn't know much about. I felt my face heat up as I repeatedly blinked to release myself from the daze i put myself into. Finally after all this time, I was able to gather my thoughts and courage to finally say something. "I uh... No uh... Of course it’s more than okay, thank you for thinking of me I guess.” I gave myself a mental face palm Way to go Y/N, you really blew it!

"I-I’m Y/N by the way nice to finally meet you"

I gave him a small bow and he returned it. I cautiously grabbed the coffee as if was going to bite me and relaxed at the warmth it gave my hands. I held it up to my lips to take a sip and the taste felt like home. A wave of nostalgia hits me as close my eyes and subconsciously slump my shoulders down and exhale a breath I didn't know I was holding. This is exactly how I make my coffee back in my comfy apartment and my home almost 4,000 miles away. There is no way he could have known. The sound of Yoongi’s voice snaps me out of my nostalgic thoughts as my my head darts to his direction so fast, I’m surprised I didn't get a cramp in my neck.

“I obviously don't know what you take in your coffee so I saved myself the trouble and got you the same as I always get, it’s a Caramel Macchiato.”

My eyes widen again at his statement. Interesting, well thats something you don't see everyday. I thought as he stared at my expression in amusement. “How did you know?” I replied in a state of bewilderment. He let out a silent laugh, teeth out on display like art in a gallery, eyes smiling with crinkles accompanying them. It was a beautiful sight and I suddenly had this weird airy feeling in my gut with a mix of admiration. I wasn't sure what I was feeling at the moment but I know that I did not want it to go away. It took him a while to compose himself as he wasn't expecting my sudden outburst and the excitement in my voice. I started grabbing the bag that held the doughnut and took it out. Not realizing how much I needed it, I took an eager bite, waiting for him to say something else

“I had no idea you liked your coffee the same way I swear” He raises his hands as he replies in protest, big, playful smile on his face. I giggle with a mouthful of doughnut and put my hand over my mouth as I swallow.  Feeling a little more relaxed with Yoongi, I’m ready to ask him things that I’ve been curious about since we first made eye contact.

“Not to seem creepy or anything, but I’ve noticed that you’re studying sound engineering, for I had no idea that was something possible to study.” Great now you actually sound creepy.

He gives his head a small shake and gives a small smile. “No, not creepy at all just observant.” He pauses as he continues to intently stare at me as if he's looking for something in me. He clears his throat and begins again “Sound Engineering is something I love because I actually write music and I rap.” He shyly looks down and chuckles.

I couldn't help the widening of my eyes once again, he's just full of surprises. “No way! You have to let me hear something sometime!” From somewhere down the isle of tables, I hear an annoyed “SHH!” I look to the source of the sound and see all the cramming stragglers staring at me as if I said the most offensive thing ever. I suddenly felt my entire body heat up in embarrassment. I turn back to Yoongi who never tore his eyes from me. Could he be hiding something? What’s with the staring?

“Is there something on my face that you’re not telling me?” I said, my curiosity getting the best of me.

He smirks again, this time the smirk is different, his eyes close, still smirking as if its obvious what his motives are. “I admire you Y/N, you’re pretty to look at, and seeing your dedication in what you're studying, just makes you more admirable and it actually motivates me to study more.”

I smile with my teeth, felling all of these mixed emotions of excitement and flustered and proud to know that I can inspire someone like him to study. Its just not something you hear everyday. I raise my chin a little higher and I fix my posture and reply, still smiling “Well I’m glad you feel that way! The more we stare at each other and the more comfortable we get, I think to myself that could there be a possibility that I'm dreaming? Not to seem corny or anything but could someone as attractive as him and as kind, really be here holding a conversation with me right now?

My thoughts are interrupted by the clearing of Yoongi’s throat, snapping me back to reality. “Do you maybe want to get out of here just for a little while? I’ve lost count of how many hours you’ve been in here.” He had a point, all of this studying made me forget how long I haven't been outside have I really been so absorbed?

“I guess I could use some air and some sunlight”

Yoongi’s gummy smile reappeared, probably content in taking me out of the library. I gathered all my books together while he insisted on carrying my half eaten doughnut and coffee as we walk out of the library. I give my books to the librarian to put on hold as her eyes widen slightly in seeing leave the library with a mysterious boy with mint colored hair. I smile at her and both of us walk out of the library and to the outside.

I finish my doughnut in silence as we walk outside of the building. I squint my eyes as i forget how bright the sun actually is. I can't help but smirk as it feels nice on my skin. I take a sip of my coffee and look up towards the sun with my eyes closed, taking in the rays

“You know I didn't want to say anything until I was sure but you remind me of a plant.” Yoongi says out of nowhere observing my previous actions. I look to his direction, mint hair practically glowing against the sun and contrasting against the Sakura Trees.

“Yeah?” “How so?” I said, not quite understanding what he meant.

“Just how plants need nutrients and sunlight to grow, you need nutrients and sunlight for you to glow and radiate.”

I quickly look away as my cheeks heat up. I look back at him so see his deep eyes still fixated on me as if I'm some sort of installation in a museum or something. “I don't know what you’re trying to imply Mint but thank you” I continued to look at him, waiting for what he was going to say next.

“Mint?" “Are you implying something about my hair?” he said smiling shyly obviously flustered,  his hands immediately latch onto his hair.

“No not at all. It’s just what I called you in my head for a while since I didn’t know your name. Does it bother you? I actually like the color it suits you.”

“Well thats relief, I thought you were teasing me.”

“Me tease you?” “As if I would ever!” I said as a matter of fact.

Yoongi chucked and stopped walking. I didn't even realize we were still walking I was so caught up in the moment. “You’re something else you know that?

”I would've begged a differ. You somehow just happen to appear into my life out of the blue or mint with my favorite beverage of Caramel Macchiato and a tasty doughnut and you somehow easily convinced me to leave the library which no one has ever succeeded in doing only I can do that. Are you eve-"

A hand grips my wrist and spins me around abruptly. Yoongi’s eyes read my face as i just process what just happened. He takes a glance at my lips and then back at me. My eyes widen slightly getting the hint and when he sees I don't object, he leans in and kisses me. His plump pretty lips were on mine and it was a feeling that was poetic and beautiful, full of passion, almost like music. Everything was in sync and it was like time itself stopped altogether. It was lucid as if it was half real. Our lips break apart and he watches my face, what was I going to do next. I look at him, and he’s suddenly the most angelic being I’ve ever laid my eyes upon. Eyes blown and dilated, lips slightly swollen, glistening in the sun.

“Y/N” whispers my name. I want to reply but I’m suddenly incapable  so I just continue to look at him locked in his embrace. “Y/N” he whispers again I can’t say anything, it’s like I’m stuck in time, this moment of him and I, looking into each others eyes is stuck in place just like his arms wrapped around me.

“Y/N”

“Y/N!”

“Y/N wake up!”

My eyes open abruptly to the sound of my roommate’s voice. I sit up quicker than i should have, instantly regretting it because of the dizzy after effect.  I take in my surroundings. How am I in my dorm wasn’t I just outside? I look at my roommate rambling about some party. We’ve been waiting for this day for so long and I would typically be extremely excited but I’m just utterly confused. I interrupt my roommate’s rambling wanting answers.

”Was I asleep?"

"Yeah why?" She asked curiously eyebrows knitted in curiosity.

"No I was just asking” She shrugged her shoulders and continued to get ready.

"Alright but stop asking and start getting ready we can’t be late!”

I didn't move from where I was. There was no way that something that real could be a dream. I felt all of it! I took in deep breath, Yoongi isn’t real? I thought to myself. He isn’t real.