#i hope we are all remembered by people we will never be able to fathom

[uncanny-tranny]

Please, if you have nothing else to do, please look at what is on the Golden Records, alongside the Soundcloud uploaded by NASA of the greetings recorded on the record. There is such a quiet vulnerability to knowing that these records have been created and are at the mercy of whomever finds them. I hope they love us as much as I love them.

I hope we can send more out - we deserve to be remembered, alongside this entire world. There is truly no place more special to me than this world💛

[hongtiddiez]

my stand in final thoughts, feelings, etc.

what an absolute ride of a show. what a series of ups and downs and downs and downs and up.

i think what i find so charming about this show is that it really exemplifies what it means to be human. each character was flawed in their own way and each made mistakes that at the end of the day were just human mistakes. no one felt like a mustache twirling villain but rather a flawed human being that got caught up in something bigger than themselves, or caught up in their own ego, hubris, etc.

in a show that was clearly framed to be about second chances i really did not expect the wide array of examples of different second chances in life - the obvious being joe and ming, but then there was joe and new!joe's mother, ming and his mother, tong and may, joe and sol, etc. almost everyone experienced a second chance of some kind with one another. almost all second chances worked out towards a positive outcome but i respect that some were neutral outcomes at best; a total reset. a second chance doesn't always mean total forgiveness and absolution but rather a new slate to try again and i really appreciate that MSI made it a point to showcase that.

i am also once again grateful that the show did not fall into the evil mother trope. i was gritting my teeth waiting to see what became of ming's mom and in the end both she and joe's mom were parents doing their best, wanting the best for their children, and stumbling along the way - another perfect example of humanity.

i couldn't even come to fully hate tong by the end. the industry inflated his ego, he felt indestructible, he was able to get anything he wanted with his connections, and he allowed that confidence to turn to hubris and got involved in something far bigger than himself. a scared, cornered beast will almost always lash out and at the end of the day tong was lashing out for any chance of survival. he needed a wake up call of catastrophic proportions to get his head on straight but throughout the show they did show us reminders of how much he loved may, little glimmers of who he was behind all of that, and by the end when he was able to find peace those traits shone through again.

and with ming i appreciated that he still felt like the same person. he was still an asshole, still rough around the edges, still who he was at the beginning of the show but his efforts were channeled elsewhere, his priorities changed, and he learned what he truly values out of life. joe didn't magically change ming, but he did alter his perspective and give him so much to consider.

i still cannot fathom the pain joe has to go through every day looking in the mirror and knowing he will never see his face looking back at him. the show teased little peeks of the affect this would have on his mental health and i wish it had maybe delved into that more but mental health is always a slippery slope.

for the grit and darkness of the show the ending felt a little too fairy tale for me but i was also kind of hoping joe didn't come back. i know, horrible of me, but if i was him? i don't think i would've come back. he had to be so, so tired and he'd been through so much, that part of me wanted to see that happen as a final nail in the coffin, a message that sometimes death comes for us no matter how hard we try to run from it, and sometimes death is a kindness at the end of a long and painful journey.

idk i'm also a slut for angst so ignore me.

i wasn't mad at the ending by any means, i enjoyed the little nods to potential side couples, i loved seeing things come full circle, loved joe's realization that while HE always saw himself as a stand in or someone overlooked everyone else remembers his past self fondly and he made an impression on them. in the end, so much of joe's self worth issues were his own insecurities exacerbated by ming's emotional abuse.

that being said, don't forget to tell people in your life how much they mean to you. it can mean a lot more to them than you can imagine.

definitely think MSI is my fav bl of 2024 so far, it was something unique and a little darker, more mature, all things i've been craving for a while.

[le-92vi]

Into each life, some rain must fall.

Geto Suguru x Reader

Genres/Warnings: angst, the reader is in the same grade as GJ, GT & SK, and was injured very badly on a mission, slight(?) hints of depression and anxeity, after the village arc, reader is (kinda) introduced to Mimiko and Nanako, not proofread

Word count: 1.8k

Notes: this is just a very random idea that popped up in my head and, i wrote it in a haze. hopefully, you enjoy it<3

(P.S. english is not my first language and this is also my first fic ever, so i apologize for any mistakes beforehand!)

____ Two days.

That’s all it took to turn your world into a shamble. Two days were all it took to turn your life into a complete mess.

The whole Jujutsu community had been shaken to shambles in the past two days. Everyone was stunned, unable to fathom how such an incident could've occurred. That too, at the hands of one of their own. The higher-ups were left dumbfounded like anyone else but still chose to feign indifference.

It hit you like a ginormous wave, demolishing everyone and everything in its path—a wave you could only hope to have been a nightmare.

But it wasn't.

Shoko sat beside your bed, holding your hand with both of hers. You realized something was wrong the moment you saw her face. The cool-and-stoic Shoko looked upset for the very first time. You knew she was preparing what to say to you, choosing the best possible words to break the news.

"What's wrong?" You breathed before she could even say anything. Shoko sighed, her eyes falling back on your injury-laden body.

"Tell me, Shoko. I can see it all over your face." You tried sitting up straighter to see her face better, but the gash running through the majority of your torso set your whole body on fire with every little movement. To no avail, you were forced to lay on your side, limp and ailing.

"Don't move!" Shoko's eyes widened as she jolted to your aid. She helped you adjust yourself. She fell back into her chair as you grunted in pain, getting used to the shift in your posture. You could see her hands clenched in tight fists, her nails cutting crescents through the palm of her hand.

"It's…Suguru," she began. "The mission Suguru was sent on recently—they're saying he has massacred the whole village. He summoned his curses and massacred a hundred people. He's been sentenced to death by the higher-ups, but they can't find him anywhere…"

Shoko's words began losing meaning. She was still telling you about what happened, but her words seemed to blur together; you couldn't understand anything anymore.

Suguru wouldn't do such a thing, right? He would never hurt a soul.

Shoko must've noticed the distress settling on your face. Her hand rested gently on your shoulder, drawing you out of your thoughts. "I think if we are able to talk to him, things might clear up. We still don't know for sure what happened in that village."

You remembered how just two days ago he sat in Shoko's seat. Late at night, he quietly popped up at your door with a copy of your favorite book. You sleepily listened to him go on about his very "mundane" day and then read you to sleep. He must've left shortly after you fell asleep, for you woke with only a tiny note stuck to the book he left behind for you: "I'm sorry I couldn't stay longer."

That's when it dawned on you that Suguru had, knowingly or unknowingly, let you in on his plans before he went A.W.O.L. To you, what felt like a silly little, maybe even a little exaggerated, story of his recent missions was actually what his whole world was like in the past few months.

He was miserable. All alone.

And none of you could see it.

Nothing in the world seemed to matter anymore. You felt bile burning up in your throat. The weight sat heavy on your chest as you doubled over, gasping for more air. You had to see him. You needed to meet him.

"Have they been looking for him?" You manage to croak out.

Shoko stroked your back, trying to ease up whatever pain you felt, however little she could. "Gojo's been trying to find him before the higher-ups' do." Her voice was shallower and heavier, as if she was barely able to keep her emotions in check.

Everyone had already made up their minds about Suguru. They weren't looking for their student anymore. They didn't care about a kid they'd let astray. They never had. Suguru would only be made one of the two things if they found him; a criminal or a scrapegoat.

Much later at night, when everything was quieter, you snuck out of your room. Your wound barely hurt anymore since you found out about Suguru. Surely it wasn't anything that could compare to what he was going through, right?

Quietly, you slung your bag over your shoulders and made your way out of the institute. You couldn't leave even a slight chance of someone following you to Suguru, though you weren't sure he'd want to see you either. But you at least had to try.

Behind the Tokyo Institute of Jujutsu Tech, a tiny shack stood abandoned at the foot of the mountain. A local legend-- often the topic of many conversations among people, but it was never actually discovered until you and Suguru stumbled upon it by accident during a regular inspection. The seclusion of the shack made for a perfect, peaceful hideout. For the two of you, it was the perfect getaway. If he wanted you to find him, he'd be there.

And you were right. The lights in the shack were visible now that you were up close. You stood at the end of the makeshift entryway of the shack, trying to gather up the courage to finally face him. Your hands were clammy, no matter how much you wiped them against your side. You breathed in for a final time before knocking on the door.

It opened almost immediately, as if it were waiting for your arrival.

Suguru stood at the door. Disheveled and anticipating. He had been waiting for you. He grabbed your hand to pull you in and locked the door behind him. His breathing had obviously hitched as he whispered your name, almost as if he were reminiscing about the taste of your name. "I thought you'd... I wanted to see you one last time. I didn't know if you'd actually come."

His fingers laced with yours as the two of you stood stuck to the floor, unmoving. Both of you felt this insane amount of uncertainty. Sure, you had held hands with Suguru before, but it was always platonic. It was different—the way he held your hand this time. It was almost as if he wasn't sure of what to do next.

Was this how it went? Were you still his friend?

"Suguru," you began. "It's not true—what they're saying—is it? They're just trying to frame you for it. Right?" Your brows furrowed together as you looked at him, waiting for him to deny everything. For him to tell you that he was being wronged. That he was being framed.

But Suguru stood speechless. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. His grip on your hand loosened as his head dropped.

You felt confused and betrayed by his silence. It surged through you like a pain you had never felt before—your wound seemed like a mere scratch in comparison. But you couldn't let it show on your face. Not until you hear his explanation. "Suguru." You reached for his hand this time, holding it with a firmer grip. "Can you at least tell me what happened?"

And just like that, something visibly shifted in him. It was like a newfound trust that perhaps you wouldn't condemn him that much. Maybe—just maybe—you would understand why he did what he did. That you would comprehend his actions and why he did them. Suguru bent over, your body barely holding his as his knees gave out.

"I am just so tired of this life," he sobbed. His shoulder shuddered under your touch. "I'm so sick of living like this."

You braced his shoulders, trying to console him. "It's not too late yet, Suguru." You weren't thinking straight. You didn't even completely know what you were talking about. It only mattered that Suguru was breaking down in front of your eyes, and you couldn't do anything to hold him together.

"It's not too late to return yet." You pulled away slightly to finally look at his face. "Hmm?"

Suguru shook his head in disagreement. "I can't go back. Not after I... I did it. It is all true what they're saying. I'm a monster."

You felt the air knock out of your lungs at his confession. Now that you heard it from him, the realization finally sank in. Suguru had massacred hundreds of people.

There was no going back.

"Oh, Suguru," You choked on your words, not that you had any left. "What have you? No! I'm sure we can find a way. Gojo can. Right? He's the strongest." Your face twisted in fear and something else you couldn't quite pin.

Suguru called your name, pulling you out of your thought train. He was much calmer now, as if he knew nothing more could be done. The realization had set in for him too. "I can't go back anymore."

He stood up, pulling you along with him, and guided you carefully to the back of the shack. He lifted the room divider open just a little to reveal a glimpse of two little girls curled up against each other on the dusty couch. "I won't. Those people were monsters, no less than me."

You let out a gasp at the scene before you as he drew the curtain close again. "They're just kids. Like we were. Like they once were. So why did they have to live like that? What fault did they have?" He was barely keeping his voice even.

Your mind was sending you into a spiral. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. You swiftly made your way towards the front of the shack, where your bag lay, abandoned. Suguru followed after you, calling your name. Prying open the zipper, you pulled out some canned food, grabbing them in his hands.

"What are you doing?" He called after you, worry lacing his tone as he watched you pick up your empty bag, ready to leave.

"I need some time... to think, Suguru." You tried to keep your voice as unreadable as possible. How would he feel if you sounded terrified, repulsed, or anything at all? "I'll come by- I... Would I be able to see you again?" You stopped to look at him one last time, hoping he'd stop you. Hoping he'd ask you to stay just a little while longer.

He was hesitant. "I'm not sure." He looked as if he were stopping himself from holding onto you too. He'd be too selfish if he did that, right?

"Take care, Suguru." You whispered, choking back your tears and putting on your straightest face. Suguru only watched as you left, unmoving and unspoken. You'd just be a threat to him if you stayed, right?

No matter how close you were to him, he was still a criminal.

And you, a sorcerer.

[spine-buster]

To Sail Beyond the Sunset ft. Sidney Crosby | Prologue

A/N: Aaaaaand here we go again!  Thank you so much for the positive feedback on my Nate story; I hope you enjoy this one just as much!  Let me know what you think!

TW: slight mentions of body issues/unrealistic body expectations; unhealthy eating habits.

Everyone always said that ballet came as naturally to June Brooks as hockey did to Sidney Crosby, but both knew people were wrong.  Sure, a natural gift was part of it, as was talent, but Sidney and June knew it took a lot more than that.  It took ambition.  Perseverance.  Knowing when to push yourself.  Using your strengths and challenging your weaknesses so they weren’t weaknesses anymore.

Most of all, it took each other.

Sidney Crosby never forgot the day that June Brooks moved into a basement apartment down the street from his house.  He was four at the time, and it was probably one of his earliest memories.  He remembered riding his bike on the sidewalk as his mom walked behind him, and having to stop because a girl was drawing on the sidewalk with a big box of chalk.  She looked up at him as he came to a screeching halt.

1991.

“Who are you?” June asked the boy staring down at her from his bike.  He had similar colour hair and gaps in between his teeth just like her.

“I’m Sidney,” he answered, looking between the chalk flower and the girl.  “What’s your name?”

“I’m Juniper, but you can call me June.”

Sidney looked at the raised bungalow – one that looked similar to his house – and back at the girl again.  “Is this your house?”

“No.  Me and my mommy live in the basement,” she said.

“I shoot hockey pucks in my basement,” Sidney said, confused.  “You live in the basement?”

June nodded her head.  “What are pucks?”

“Siiiidneeeyyy!” he heard his mom call out from behind them.  He looked behind him to see her waving him down.  From the shadows on the sidewalk, he could see June waving back at her.  “Sid, who’s your friend?”

From that point onwards, Sidney and June became inseparable.  Inseparable.  Wherever one went, the other wasn’t too far behind.  They were in the same kindergarten class.  They were in the same lunch group.  They played together at recess.  They’d be at the same activity stations in their kindergarten room – painting, reading, toys – and always sat beside each other during circle time.  Sidney would glare at other kids who took June’s spot until they moved.  Sid helped June navigate how to use scissors.  June helped Sidney learn how to hold a pencil properly.  June taught Sid how to print forward-facing Ss when spelling his name.  Sid taught June how to print lower-case Es.

Their teachers noticed.  Their parents noticed.  Well, every parent noticed.  “There go Sid and June,” they’d say to each other as Sidney and June would hold hands for safety (at the behest of their teacher – every kindergartener had the buddy system, and of course June and Sid were buddies) as they exited the school doors until they saw Trina waiting to pick them up.

One day, Sidney thought it would be a great idea to invite June over on the weekend so they could play hockey.  He thought she’d love it.  She could shoot pucks into his dryer, just like he did.  He could teach her how to hold a stick and everything.  They could do it for hours.

1991.

“My mom will even make us grilled cheese sandwiches!” Sidney offered, trying to entice her to say yes.

“I can’t,” June was sad she had to say no.  She loved grilled cheese sandwiches.  “I have ballet.”

Sidney had to clue what ballet was.  His entire life was hockey, and he couldn’t fathom anybody doing anything else.  “What’s that?”

“It’s dancing,” June explained.  “We wear pink and put our hair in a bun and we dance to music!  One day we’ll be able to dance on our tippy-toes.”

It sounded a lot less fun than hockey, but if June liked it, Sidney knew there must be something to it.  But it still wasn’t hockey.

The pair got older and moved on to senior kindergarten.  They were still inseparable.  Trina would still come pick them up after school and they’d still eat grilled cheese sandwiches together.  Sidney saw more of Miss Hockley, June’s mom.  She scared him a little bit.  She wasn’t as nice as his mom.  She didn’t give a lot of hugs, not like his mom.  Miss Hockley’s eyes looked a lot meaner than his mom’s.  And she was always telling June what she couldn’t do because of ballet.  You can’t play hockey with Sidney.  You can’t go skating with Sidney.  You can’t go watch hockey at Sidney’s house because you have to practice your dance. You can’t keep eating all those grilled cheese sandwiches.  Nobody wants a fat ballerina.

***

Sidney Crosby touched down at Halifax International Airport after his latest playoff loss to the New York Islanders.  He was pissed off.  It was the New York fucking Islanders, for heaven’s sake.  Besides, it didn’t matter that he had three Stanley Cups; he was still hungry, still wanted to win at every opportunity.  When he didn’t accomplish that, it upset him.  Most people would say that he’d won everything there was to win, and they were right – but that didn’t matter.  He wanted to win more, to do it all over again, win three more Cups, a Conn Smythe, and two more Olympic golds.  Hell, he probably still had another Golden Goal in him.

Right?

Regardless of how he felt internally about being ousted in the playoffs much earlier than he liked, being back in Halifax brought him a type of solace only Halifax could bring.  The city, the people – he loved everything about it.  And regardless of how long he’d lived abroad for, Halifax was, and would always be considered, home.  

He checked through customs, with the officer spending a bit too long looking over his passport when he realized yes, this is the real Sidney Patrick Crosby standing there trying to get back into his home country.  The firearms question at least cracked him up this time: “Do you have any firearms with you, Mr. Crosby, besides that backhand?”  It was good to be home.  

Sidney drove straight to his house on Shubenacadie Grand Lake first, mostly to drop off his suitcases.  But then, he got right back in his car and drove back into the city, purposely missing the highway exit for Cole Harbour so he could go right into Halifax.  He took out the fob he knew was in his glove compartment and pressed the button to open the garage door.  He parked in his usual spot.  He used the fob again to gain access to the building, and rode the elevator all the way to the top floor.  

He knocked the only pattern he ever used.  He didn’t have to wait long for the door to open.

When he saw June on the other side, she had a shocked look on her face, like she wasn’t expecting him home so early.  She was wearing a black hoodie and her trusted Lululemon leggings, her big, obnoxiously furry slippers on her feet.  “Sid!” she screamed out.

“Hey Junebug,” he smiled, the sound of her voice so happy and surprised like music to his ears.

“You’re home early,” she commented as she reached around his shoulders for a hug.  He wrapped his arms around her tightly, not wanting to let go anytime soon.  She’d only been able to make it out to see him twice this year, when she usually came so much more.  But her work had gotten busier – many more promising students.  She’d had to stay back.  

“You know me.  I can’t stay out of Halifax for too long,” he said.

Sidney didn’t even need to ask to come in.  June had stepped back a few steps while they were hugging to bring him into the apartment, and he’d closed the door with his foot.  When they finally released their hug, he noticed that June was still smiling ear to ear.  “When did you get back?”

“Just now, actually.  I just dropped off my suitcases at the house and then came over here.”

“You want some hot chocolate?”

“It’s May, Junebug.”

“Has that ever stopped you before?” she quipped, making her way towards her kitchen.  “I’ll even make it with milk.  Or how about grilled cheese?”

Sidney couldn’t help but smile.  “I’d rather have grilled cheese than hot chocolate.”

June didn’t say another word.  She opened her fridge and grabbed the bread, butter, and cheese before putting everything on the counter and getting a frying pan out of a drawer.  Sidney walked towards the giant windows that looked out over Peace and Friendship Park, the Canadian Museum of Immigration at Pier 21, and the Halifax harbourfront.  He noticed that an old episode of Hell’s Kitchen was playing on TV.  Soon, he heard the sizzle of butter to hot pan, and the unmistakable smell of grilled cheese filling the room.  

He walked over to the kitchen, standing beside June.  “Smells delicious, as always.”

June smiled too.  “Still not as good as Trina’s, though,” she winked playfully.

Sidney smiled his infamous smile, feeling overwhelmed with warmth.  

He was home.

[starseneyes]

One Week Post Jaw Surgery

I cannot fathom that it has already been a week. It doesn’t seem like that long ago I arrived at the hospital with Matthew, checked in, and waited for them to call my name.

We were early, and they took me back almost immediately. I got changed out of my clothes and into the hospital gown, sticky socks, and hair net. The IV was placed, I met with the team, and after that it all gets blurry until I woke post-op.

I was freaking out because I could feel my uvula. I have never been able to feel it before, and I thought it was something leftover from surgery.

I remember signing something to the nurse. I don’t know a lot of sign, but I have always tried to know some that would be helpful so I could have a basic conversation with someone who is deaf.

"She prefers sign language," the nurse said to the man who was transitioning me from the post-op area to my room.

And that man tried to have a full-on conversation with a woman who’d just underwent jaw surgery and had multiple incisions, metal in her bottom jaw, and a splint across her top jaw because of all the places it had been broken.

In my room on the 10th floor of the hospital, I could almost glimpse a beautiful view over Matthew’s shoulder. I wouldn’t get to really see it until discharge the next day. But it was beautiful.

The Surgeon came in and we talked about my uvula and how disconcerting it was. It was then that I learned they moved my lower jaw an entire centimeter. If you don’t know jaw surgery, that is a huge move. No wonder I was hurting!

My first task was learning to breathe. Everything I knew about breathing meant my uvula was flapping into my air passage, and I couldn’t breathe well. The made my team so nervous they hooked me up to monitors so they could track my O2 levels from the nurses station.

My next task was learning to swallow. The first few days, it was gulps and gulps of air as I took crushed medication via syringe, chasing it with Martinelli’s Apple Juice that I’d smuggled into the hospital.

The hospital was the usual rounds of noise and people. My Surgeon came by the next morning to see how thing were going and at the time my swelling was low-mid. I took a shower. I got changed. I was discharged.

At home, I organized all my pills and separate syringes, labeling everything since I didn’t know how long I would be crushing my medicine.

It wouldn’t be until Day 5 that I felt comfortable enough to take water out of a sports bottle instead of a syringe, and until Day 6 that I attempted swallowing pills whole.

Sleeping has not yet come. The pain from that left side has been so severe I couldn’t settle, and with my face still swollen, my sinuses went nuts with mucous blocking my breathing passageway.

At Thursday’s first follow-up (there are three more), I talked to the doctor about this. Apparently, the congestion issue is something that has come up with a few of the adult patients, but not the children.

I was prescribed more medicine, and I am still unsure if it is helping. But, I’m hopeful for good sleep coming soon.

They also gave me a nice hospital-grade rag to bring home. See, even though I’m past most of the "post surgery discharge" in my mouth, my salivary glands are in overdrive because of the swelling. I’d been walking everywhere and sitting everywhere with washcloths, but the cloth they gave me was large and I started wearing it like a bib.

I have had to relearn so much. The swelling got worse once I got home, but today my left side is about 70% of the way to looking my new normal. The right has further to go, but that’s because it had further to move. I had a very crooked smile before.

I have eaten pureed soup and mashed potatoes with gravy. I drank some Kefir via syringe earlier today, and my sports water bottle has made hydration so much simpler now that I can swallow properly.

I still have weeks of recovery to go.

But as I complete this first week, I am grateful. Tired. Oh, so tired. But I can breathe easier than I ever have in my life.

We learned I had a breathing obstruction during this process, and I wonder now how different childhood sports and teams would have been if I could’ve breathed like this then.

And my kids have been amazing. I thought they would be afraid, but they weren’t. My daughter saw me day one home, and she threw up "I love you" in sign language, saying "This can be our code!" I nearly sobbed.

The twins have been battling colds, so I have seen little of them. But all I hear from them when I do see them is, "I love you, Mama!" "Best Mama in the world!" "I know it’s still you."

So, yes, this whole thing has been trying and scary. But I don’t regret it. Not for one single second.

Onward.

[infinitethree]

It doesn’t take long for the others to show up, but Aster can’t stand to sit.

When Lee teleports in– mod powers are handy for that sort of thing, he supposes– he braces his hands on the table.

“Good, we’re all here.”

Raine frowns, pointing out, “Daz isn’t–” “This is about Daz.”

They all tense, likely bracing for him having been pushed too far. They’re not wrong, but won’t even begin to suspect why.

“Yesterday, the Scribe showed up and made me a deal. Evidently they don’t– like that asshole much. They wanted the spotlight to shine on someone else or something– I don’t remember their wording. They told me they wanted to tell me his secrets and shake things up. In exchange…I was promised a wish. A single wish that defies the laws of reality– a wish I can give away, if I so choose.”

He laughs, hearing an edge of hysteria to it. “I thought– fuck, for something that powerful, he might resent me a little. But he’d understand. I thought he’d be more pissed if I refused out of some sense of nobility. I was sure it was just– something whispered in my ear.”

“I’m guessin’ you were wrong,” Aleph says.

He shoves a hand through his hair as he starts pacing again. “I was so fucking wrong. I get– I see what happened to him. Sometimes in third person like a movie, but more often…I’m in his head. I see through his eyes, I hear his thoughts. If I thought for a second it’d be like that, I never would have agreed. I knew I fucked up the second I realized what it would be like.”

It’s Raine who gives the most obvious and correct reaction of going ashen. “He’s not going to take this well.”

“I told him earlier today. The Observers were there, I couldn’t risk them ratting me out first,” Aster admits. “You’re right– he took it badly. He called me a–.”

He gets a brief flash of Daz snarling at his ex-mentor, “I hope you’re fucking happy with yourself. Liar. Monster. Traitor.”

Nothing is worse than a traitor. I’d rather die than betray my loved ones.

I thought you, of all people, understood that about me by now.

He's back again, frazzled that he has a better idea of why those words were flung at him. He collapses into his usual chair. His gaze is trained at the ceiling as he mumbles, “...Fuck. That– that’s about the worst way that could’ve gone, huh?” 

Scrubbing a hand down his face, he has to take a moment to center himself at the realization that he’s cut Daz deeper than he ever fathomed he was capable of being hurt.

Khons asks, “What did he call you? You cut yourself off. I’m…guessing you saw something?”

“Traitor. And, to him, betrayal is an unforgivable sin.”

Exhaustion makes him feel like he’s made of lead. 

You know, he can’t remember the last time he cried. He's not sure if even Dream was able to make him do that.

But this? He's teetering on the edge of bawling. The feeling of guilt and fatigue and resentment and– if he wants to be far more honest than Daz has ever been– fear.

He's always known Daz is fucked up. How could he not, when the bastard occasionally says things that it would take his therapist months to unpack?

Not that he actually does his therapy honestly, of course.

All of this, though? This is so much worse than he ever thought possible.

He feels a hand on his arm, and Lee asks, visibly concerned, “Should we…what do you want us to do?”

Aster’s head tilts to look at the fulcrum his life pivots around. Everything he's done for years, especially dealing with that bastard's bullshit, has been for the sake of protecting this person.

Quietly, he says, “I don't know. But I can't keep some of these secrets. Not when I don't know how to deal with him.”

He straightens and scrubs a hand down his face. “He believes he's cursed. That everyone he loves suffers, and anyone who loves him dies.”

There's another scene he's shown. It seems like Daz is sitting in his sewing room, staring at the sketch of a hoodie in front of him and panicking.

He's a useful ally, and my allies need to be treated well. I don’t cherish him. I don’t claim him. I don’t love him. He’s not mine, he's not, this was just– I was trying to make him more comfortable–

Ally, he's an ally, he's nothing more. If he thinks he loves me, he's wrong. He likes the person I act like, not me.

The curse can't claim him. If he knew me, if he knew my heart, he'd be disgusted. They all would.

I'm a monster who's fooled them for years. It's not their fault they're easy to lie to.

He realizes with numb horror that Daz is trying to justify having made a sketch of a hoodie for Raine as it being useful, instead of something done out of care.

The jewelry is just because it's expected. If I don't have or give anything, it's suspicious.

It's not a claim. That isn't what a claim from me looks like. I didn’t make it. I won’t make this, either.

I can't afford to lose him. Because he's useful, and for no other reason.

I don't care. The curse has no reason to affect him.

“Aster?!”

Lee sounds terrified. It takes him longer than it should to realize it's because he's started crying.

He croaks, “Raine, he– you know him best. What…can we even do? He can’t keep doing this. He has to justify– fuck, any sign of care of affection has to be excused as being useful, otherwise he thinks it'll get that person killed.”

Raine’s hand goes to his earring, brow furrowed with concern. Lee gasps, “But if he thinks he's cursed, wouldn't– wouldn't Raine be in danger–?”

“He makes justifications for why it wouldn't. But he’s…fuck! He almost had a panic attack over a drawing of a hoodie, because he was afraid it would be dangerous.”

Recognition flashes in Raine's eyes. “He shoved sketches, notes, and money at me one Christmas and told me my present was to stop pissing him off by being obviously uncomfortable. I brought them to Make It Sew, and Aver eventually took over the visit. From what I hear, he wound up incorporating bits of it in other designs.”

Raine's fingers run over the embroidery on his hoodie. “I thought he was just being awkward and stubborn. It was– it meant a lot that he bothered to do something like that at all. They’re a lot more comfortable than the old ones.”

Quietly, Aster says, “I think he wanted to make them. But…I'm pretty sure that something like that would be an actual, uh– claim.”

Lee jolts. “Actual? What, so– what he has now, he doesn't think of those as claims?!”

It makes his heart ache, and he hates that he feels so awful for Daz despite what he's done.

“...Not fully. Or maybe he's lying to himself about that, too–”

His charge turns ashen.

The ten year old's wings poof up with distress as he grabs Aster’s arm in a surprisingly strong grip. “He can’t not have claims, Aster! Admins– claims are sacred, they’re–! Without claims, without proof of our bonds, we're nothing!”

Ah. Lee understands this, doesn't he? He understands the underlying admin shit in a way Aster can’t.

He asks, feeling bad he has to rely on and likely upset Lee further, “What would happen if an admin abandoned a claim because they felt unworthy? And then burned the remaining one?”

Lee shoot to his feet, opening his console. His expression is dark and his eyes are flinty with determination.

“Lee? What are you–” “The Council, Daz’s real self– those are secrets I'm willing to keep. But not this. Not when I know someone who's done so much for me and mine is suffering. I'm calling Dad.”

Raine shoots to his feet in alarm. “That’s not a good–” Lee snaps, “Dad, out of everyone in Sanctuary, will understand this. This level of fucked up trauma responses and keeping explosive secrets that slowly kill them to protect others– they're exactly the fuckin’ same!”

They're all quiet. Aster, over the years, has gotten pretty close to Day.

The man has been through hell, but smiles and savors his time with his loved ones.

Day will be horrified to know that someone so important to Sanctuary, another admin at that, has quietly been broken and living in fear this entire time.

Lee is right; Day might not be thrilled he's been deceived, but the reasons for it will soothe that displeasure.

If nothing else, Daz’s core purpose being to protect Lee will skyrocket his estimation in the father's eyes.

He nods. “I think you're right. Day will be able to put pressure on him to get help.” Taking a deep breath, he continues, “And I'll shoulder his resentment and hatred. Even if he never forgives me– he can’t keep living like this.”

“I don't disagree. I've never liked that he’s not actually doing his therapy. But…I'm not sure this is the right move,” Khons sighs.

Aster has to start pacing again. “You don't understand. He's– he's broken, Khons. I don’t like him as a person, but knowing just how fucked up he actually is…? I can't let this go on. Not if I ever want to sleep or look at myself in the mirror again.”

A long, tired sigh comes from Aleph. “Dragging Day into it, though…”

He turns to face them and is aware he sounds faintly hysterical as he tells them, “The two of them are too alike in too many ways– especially the worst one!”

Tears well up again as he confesses, “Daz kept pissing me off on purpose. If he ever went too far, or if his– his fucking curse manifested…? He needed me to be able to kill him without hesitation. I was his fucking trump card against himself. I don’t know what he'll do once he works through his breakdown. I’m terrified he’ll decide he’s become too much of a risk and he needs to die. He's chosen death before and–”

His sight is hijacked to show him another scene.

Daz yanks his arm away from Dream, looking around at the empty field he's been brought to. He warily asks, “What are we here for?”

“When Tubbo gets here, kill him.”

A pain far more agonizing than any flesh wound rips through Daz. Is this what his enchantment felt like– why Day was so distraught after seeing it?

Fuck, Aster’s was miserable, but this–

This, it’s like his soul is being ripped apart. It’s searing pain that Aster would struggle to even speak through, but Daz manages to do so.

“You can’t– you can’t, please, Dream, why–?!”

Dream makes a soothing noise as Daz sobs, pulling him into his arms and stroking his hair.

Horrifyingly, the pain eases ever so slightly– like the enchantment is somewhat appeased by the fact that Dream is right there.

Gods, no wonder Daz fucking hates this bastard. Soul erosion or no, this is…

“You’ll understand eventually,” Dream murmurs, voice gentle– as if he’s not doing something fucking monstrous.

Hope dying and heart shattering, Daz brokenly whispers, “Please.”

“It’ll be over soon, then nobody can hurt you again.”

The hideous hypocrisy of that is evident even to Aster, spectator that he is. If the goal was to protect Daz…

Well. He knows how this ultimately ended– that Daz had chosen to die, before he was rescued.

…Aster wonders if, in a world where the T3 never showed up…Daz got his perfect, brutal, pyrrhic victory.

He watches as Daz is given no time to try and find a way out, and then–

He has to watch as Daz kills his best friend.

The way everything inside of him rots in moments is utterly chilling.

This is the single worst moment of Daz’s life. And Aster hears as whoever he had been before this horrible, brutal event dies, leaving behind a rotting corpse.

He’s yanked away again, this time to a flower field. Daz stares up at the clouds, seeming at peace.

Tubbo is at his side, laughing and making dumb jokes– the sort of jokes that Aster’s Tubbo would have made, too.

And then the wind changes. Voice still cheerful, Tubbo hums, “Yeah…it’s nice, isn’t it?”

“Hmm? What is?”

Daz turns, and then reels in horror as blood spills from Tubbo’s mouth and a gaping wound in his chest. “The life you got after you killed me.”

“I didn’t–! I never wanted that, not for a second–!” “But you don’t think about me. I know, deep down, you’re glad that I was the only price you had to pay to get such a cushy life, bossman.”

Tubbo’s face rapidly decays, maggots devouring his flesh in a way that makes Aster want to hurl.

“But the thing is– I’m glad to be free of you. Sucks that I had to die to finally be free of your stupid, cruel, clingy ways, but, I mean– better than whatever hell I’d have been through if I stayed alive!”

Daz hyperventilates, sobbing, “I’d give it up, I’d give it all up, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry–”

Skeletal hands reach out and wrap around Daz’s throat. Daz doesn’t fight it as they squeeze so hard that his own bones creak.

“Then die. As long as you die here, I never have to deal with you in my death. If you’re really sorry, you’ll die. You’re a worthless monster who poisons everything you touch! You’d do them all a favor, you selfish coward!”

Maybe if I die, I can repent properly, Daz thinks, as Tubbo’s hands turn into maggots that eat him alive.

Daz startles awake. He’s panting, soaked in sweat…but he doesn’t scream.

The guy blearily looks at his clock.

2 am, he thinks, eyes squeezing shut in despair. That wasn’t even two hours. At this rate, I’m gonna slip up.

Still he rises from his bed and makes his way downstairs. Daz reflects, How many hours is that this week…? Less than six?

Fuck, I miss being able to sleep. The last time I slept well was before he betrayed me. I hate that I wish I could have someone right there like that. It’s stupid, and selfish…and I don’t deserve it.

Kindness is wasted on me. I’m a broken cup; no matter how much is poured in, it all leaks out.

If I asked, they’d sit there and stroke my hair while I slept. But it’s too dangerous for them…and I deserve the misery, anyway.

When Aster realizes he’s got control of his body again, he scrambles to the bathroom to dry heave.

He hasn’t eaten much since this all started, and anything that had been in his stomach before was already expelled earlier.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, everything about this is miserable! Seeing how Aster’s loathing of Daz was always a distant second to Daz’s own self-hatred only underscores just how thoroughly he fooled them.

And seeing the moment Tubbo was killed– shit, no fucking wonder he calls himself a black hole or void sometimes!

Come hell or high water, he’s going to drag that broken, mangled wreck of a guy into kicking and screaming into his goddamned healing arc.

So fucking help him, he will not sit back and watch Daz self-immolate in a fucked up attempt at penance and protection.

[mediacrushin]

One more for now promise.

"What if you could leave Ruby Rose behind? Shed like an old coat. What will happen if you don't?"

Kinda get the feeling we're meant to take this line wrong out of context. It could just be a trailer line that never comes up, meant to throw us off or just posit a theme of the volume to us. But if it does get used, and they put it in the trailer, maybe it's not going to come in the way we think.

It can be tough to tell with people from the Ever After sometimes, but the Blacksmith seems very gentle and non-pressuring. She recognizes Ruby's struggle when Ruby meets her, she recognized Little's goal, but for both she never tells Ruby she has to pick a new weapon, nor does she comment on how bad a job Little has been doing as a guide when they themselves admit they don't know what they're doing.

She points out the burden Ruby carrys and offers her the chance to lay it down and pick up a different weapon instead, any one she would like.

Maybe the Blacksmith will be straightforward and think the best answer for Ruby's burden is to offer again for her to lay it down and choose something else. But maybe the "what will happen if you don't?" line comes at the end of the ascension process, after Ruby has reflected on all of her "faults" but remembers the good things "Ruby Rose" has done and could still do? I can't really fathom how Ruby's rise could go, but she's the last member of team RWBY to be brought to her lowest point, and if it goes like it did for them she'll come back changed, but even stronger. So maybe, having the question of "what if you could throw away everything you've been up to this point? But then what if you didn't?" might have more to it than the face value of "if you don't throw this burden down it might crush you"... instead it might be more "if you don't change, you can never grow past this burden and you are so much more than this static one thing you think you are".

Maybe Ruby being unable to answer anyone asking who she is with certainty through the volume will come back around to her recognizing that she isn't just one thing, she has the potential to be much more. But I do hope that that realization comes with the caveat that she doesn't have to be everything by herself. Because seeing how her fall went, I think her feeling like she has to be literally everything for everyone around her is the type of thinking that got her to this point in the first place. I am glad that Weiss pointed out the way they tried to encourage her came from a well intended place, but wasn't what she needed. Didn't come across as encouragement, but pressure.

I want WBY to be able to give Ruby the actual encouragement she needs, and for them to come back together... not sure how after chapter 8, but I hope it happens. This sort of thing does feel like the type of down beat they've been ending their seasons on, but we've got two more episodes instead.

[realhumanbean]

Motijheel Memories

My earliest memory of Motijheel was with my Fuppa. I was at an age where I could only store three key words from a trip. There was a bus, a bank and the শাপলা ফুল. Thankfully, Fuppa was at an age where he could string my words together and complete the garland of our trip to Motijheel.

It was a রাজধানী bus, and Fuppa had to stand throughout his journey. And I say his journey because I was latched on to him throughout the entirety of it. Except for the part where I apparently became a monkey and swung around on the bus handles. I don’t exactly remember that ,but it certainly doesn’t sound improbable. We took the bus to Bangladesh Bank, and from there it became the place little Labiba always asked to go back to at any given chance. And no, it wasn’t only because I got to be a monkey on the bus. It was the শাপলা ফুল. I remember not being able to fathom the enormity of that thing. It was the biggest শাপলা ফুল I had ever seen. And it still is the biggest শাপলা ফুল i've ever seen.

So when it was almost a decade later, and I found myself looking for the metro station at Motijheel, it was the শাপলা ফুল that pulled together all the missing pieces from my very first trip. And I found another thing to be fond of in Motijheel.

From there, every other trip became an attempt to preserve my Motijheel memories. The seemingly monotonous office buildings spoke to me like old people who had genuinely interesting stories to tell. The fonts on the banners demanded to be looked at in the most respectful manner. The contrast between the sky touching ,shimmering architecture and the rusty,cramped alleyways made me question the duality of this city I have chosen to love. The people seemed different. But indifferently busier too. Middle aged men who are definitely too tired to find any of this beautiful,exhausted college students who probably can't make room for anything other than the want of going home and rickshaw pullers who have achieved my dream of wanting to know every corner of the neighbourhood without really meaning to. And in the midst of it all, there was the শাপলা ফুল. With the sole purpose of being beautiful. "সৌন্দর্য বর্ধনের জন্য". I wonder if any of these people ever stop and admire how the water sprays out on the flower,do they intentionally get closer to it in hopes of getting sprinkled by? Or do they think it’s absurd to water something that you know will never grow. That’s when I start to believe the শাপলা ফুল is only for people like me.

And i'm happy to see it in bloom only when I am too.

[moonjxsung]

omg hi star<3,

I'm so sorry I am so frikin late to the party ( i have finals currently) and i am so so so sorry this happened to you i tried to go to the page of the person who PLAIGARIZED YOUR ENTIRE WORK as soon as a saw it but i couldn't find it so 'm guessing either the account got taken down or they deleted it?, I seriously can't fathom how this is even reall??? why why why why would people steal other peoples work??' like genuinely i can't understand, are you that f*ucking stupid to think that it's okay to take someone entire work and on top of that think you weren't going to get found out???? we have to protect our true authors who pour their heart into platforms not asking from us anything but respect to them and their boundaries. I am so sorry this happened and i hope you know who have the entire community of tumblr supporting you, we love you and appreciate you so much star remember that.<<3333

HI POOKIEEEE the account has indeed taken it down and deactivated but I’m still just so frustrated they did that in the first place, like where are people’s morals nowadays??? And to happen within the stay community too, it really sucks when you can pinpoint the selfish 12 year olds that wander into these spaces with no parental controls and just steal ADULT content for their own benefit. I hope karma gets them fr 🙄

Thank you so so so much for all your kind words and your help while this happened, I will never be able to explain how much I appreciate you for your kindness 🥹🫶 I truly would have lost my sanity if I didn’t have you guys to support me on here. And it makes me even sadder to think about the smaller authors this happens to who aren’t able to get their work taken down- NO work should be plagiarized!!! Period!!!!! I love you so much angel I hope you’re doing well always 🩷🫶👼⭐️

[the-loveliest-lotus]

How about 24/25 for Lucy and the Devil? :D

Aaaah, thank you for asking about them. :3 They have been at the forefront of my thoughts for a hot minute (which I'm sure is obvious at this point, lmao.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

25. Write about your ship bathing or swimming together.

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe… The nebulas outside Saturn, perched on the planet’s rings. I’ve watched stars unseen by the eyes of man glitter in the night sky through the eyes of a Fallen Angel as we swam in a rainbow colored sea… All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.”

Ever since Lucy had watched Blade Runner with the Blues Devil, of all things, and triggered the memory of one of her most recent lives and her dying words in that life, she had been fixated on the idea of seeing the rainbow colored sea in this life. Time moved differently there, enough that she would need a day or two to recover from the time sickness. They could be there for 6 hours and 24 hours would pass on Earth. But they had finally found a weekend that they could dedicate to going, and here they were, swimming in a rainbow ocean with a night sky that almost looked close enough that you could take a ladder to reach out and touch it.

The sky was unfathomable. Stars in every color glittering with intensity and brightness that almost felt like daylight if it weren’t for the soft kiss of darkness on everything. She finally fully understood the meaning of her final words. It wasn’t that the water itself was rainbow, it was that the stars illuminated the water that way. Even more magical than any of this though, was what happened when she looked into the eyes of her demonic love.

Since their beginnings, his eyes had always been an open book to her. She could see everything in them, including his angelic form before his fall from the Heavens. When she looked into his eyes, she could see the stars, but she could also see the way that he saw her. To him, she was one of these stars, one of the beautiful stars that he had witnessed up close before his fall.

“So, is it everything that you thought it would be?” he asked, seeing the look of awe on her face.

She looked into his eyes with a look that made his dark heart melt, “I could never have fathomed something like this.” The double meaning in her words wrapped around him as their souls swirled together in the sweetest dance, and they kissed under the rainbow stars.

24. Write about your ship cuddling.

The time sickness was more intense than Lucy had expected, and for the next 24 hours, she was in her bed with the Devil. Currently he was in his human form, if only for the sake of being able to fit into her bed at a normal angle without worrying about his horns and height. She had half of her body on top of his, her leg across his waist as he held her thigh with one hand and let his fingers trail gently down her side with his other hand. Her head rested against his chest as she said, “I thought it was gonna be like jetlag.”

He chuckled and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, “I told you it wouldn’t be.”

She smirked, “It’s hard to imagine when there’s no human experience that’s a good frame of reference.”

He smirked, “You didn’t remember this part from last time?” Mephisto already knew the answer, but he loved teasing her about it. It made the whole process of her regaining her past life memories less stressful if they joked about it.

Lucy laughed softly, “No, I didn’t remember that part. I was in too much awe from the rainbow ocean and the stars glittering in your eyes.”

His smile made his crow’s feet show as he said, “You’re the only person on this planet who can make a demon’s heart melt.”

She smiled back at him, “I seriously hope that isn’t the case.” She let her delicate fingers trace shapes on his chest absent-mindedly, “I hope there’s other witches out there, making deals with demons that eventually turn into something special.”

He didn’t have the heart to tell her that their beginning was a case of the right place at the right time. That there were so many stacked circumstances even just for their initial meeting to have gone smoothly. He could count the amount of demon and human relationships like theirs with maybe both of his hands. She had maintained her sweetness under that sassy exterior in all of these lifetimes and he adored it about her. “I can’t say for certain, darling.”

She laughed softly, “That’s a ‘no’.”

He pulled her a little closer, a teasing smirk on his lips. “It’s not a ‘no,’ it’s… Everything about us was a case of being in the right place at the right time, and it has continued to be for aeons. That doesn’t just happen between humans and demons, we’re not exactly normally like this.” He gestured toward the two of them cuddling. “It’s a very rare thing, that’s all.”

She smirked at him a little, “Right place at the right time in all these lives? Not a certain demon seeking out a certain soul that ‘shines like sunshine’?” Lucy couldn’t help teasing him. Most would think that she was insane for poking at the Devil, and they would probably be right. And yet…

He gave her an unamused look and said, “Semantics.”

Lucy laughed and leaned in to softly kiss him. When she pulled back she said, “Just means my sunshine soul is lucky is all.”

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW for childhood verbal abuse, mention of corporal punishment, and a threat

Just want some validation and other people to hear me. No one in my life really knows the depths of what’s happened with me, I’m very alone in it all. I want to get some piece of it out in the world so it feels real.

I was a very fearful and anxious kid. My parents are the types to say things like “we never had to put our hands on you” (which is to say spanking and corporal punishment), and also say they never would but they would never need to cause I was such a “good” and “quiet” kid. They’ve said they’d be divorced if either of them ever were abusive. The proven exception for them was my Dad’s verbal abuse, toward me specifically.

They’ve told this story forever, from when I was four years old riding in the car. My dad was driving and I kept kicking the back of his seat, and wouldn’t stop when he’d asked repeatedly. Finally he snaps and says,

“If you do that again, I’ll break your legs.”

Apparently I got tearful, but still responded,

“But Daddy if you break my legs, I won’t ever be able to walk again,” said in an accent that made it “funny” for some reason. That’s where the story stops so he can laugh.

This is a story he’s told me at least dozens of times that I myself was taught to laugh at. It’s barely a story but he trots it it out anyway, and he’s always laughed at it. I’m sure he’s told other people as often as he has me. I have to remind myself a grown adult said that to a four year old. I know what he sounds like now when he’s angry, and yelling. Cause for my father there’s no in between he’s pissed or he isn’t. I can’t fathom that happening to me as a toddler, and ever saying that to a child. Confidently laughing to other people about it. Yet I still have this voice of denial telling me—“It’s not that bad.” Which sucks, I want that voice to go away so badly.

(Im realizing now re-reading this he’s never even apologized for it or even talked with me about it. It’s just funny to him.)

It’s scary to think at 4 years old (a time I don’t remember) I had already learned to be mostly okay with my father threatening me, that I talked back and didn’t just sob. Cause for how I responded I clearly knew what he meant when he said it. That it was normalized enough that he’s felt just fine calling it a funny story that he’s told all this time. And that’s a time relayed back to me, who knows what he’s said before that I’m just not able to remember now. Especially when the stuff I do remember is awful enough.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. It's not okay for him to say that to you, no matter your age. It sounds like he doesn't understand the gravity of his actions and instead minimizes what happened and makes a joke out of it, which is incredibly hurtful. Please know that however you feel about this is valid, and you're not alone. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could help you process not only this experience but the dynamics of your family, and equip you with some healthy coping mechanisms that you can take with you along your healing journey.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[firespirited]

Honestly I don't even believe Musk is autistic. I think he's just an ass and wants to use his supposed autism as an excuse. I've never met a person with autism who acts like THAT.

Neurodivergent people can be horrid too, I think if you have a fairly coddled existence or lose sight of where you came from anyone can go from being decent, even really empathetic to being self-absorbed. It's how we ended up with folks who felt alienated growing up into bullies who can't fathom that they're being bullies because they were the hurt one.

-------------------------------

So there's this threshold of money which allows you to live comfortably, not worry about your kids and even make investments and once you earn above that, if you're not super careful, your priorities and mindset radically change: it becomes about ego, rankings, accolades, having three more lines about you in the paper than the other person. It's above this threshold that the only identity politics that matter is the shared wealth bracket so you get the Jay Zs, Caitlin Jenners and JK Rowlings of the world who were underdogs at one point but seem, like, completely removed from their old life.

-------------------------------

We live in an age where hyperfixation on a subject (and the parental loan and investment bluffing) has led several autists to get very rich or famous: Zuckerberg, Gates and Musk, Dan Harmon and Stanley Kubrick, the creator of Pokemon, several minecraft youtubers... Success without hurting others (whether you're neurotypical or not) is all about knowing your blind spots and making sure you have collaborators who'll correct you (and protect you from tarnishing your image at the very least).

Elon Musk is most probably autistic*, raised by a heartless dad then failed upwards: so he might have seen himself as a victim, as the only smart person in the room and definitely not needing anyone's help far before he ever hit that income threshold and started seeing most other human beings as pawns or useless in his world.

A lot of us have learned to compensate really hard in the areas where we tend to be clueless but there are people who don't. My Grandma put a huge amount of work into passing at work but she gets cruel with loved ones when she feels insecure and overwhelmed to get us to leave instead of being able to say she needs some space. I have to work really hard on presenting painful facts in a sugar-coated carefully planned manner instead of just blurting it out because volume and tone really matter.

*He feels Aspergers applies to him and people generally don't come out as something potentially stigmatizing unless it applies. Also I have to show you this photo of him, his twin son (on the right) and triplets: I can't tell you exactly what it is but it's something: I have so many photos just. like. this. from overly posed to not quite there to I forgot we were taking photos.

In a nutshell: We all have blind spots, we don’t all have a billion dollars and surround ourselves with ‘yes men’ so we can ignore the consequences of the blind spots. If I hurt someone, I hope they’ll tell me or that I have folks who’ll notice so I can change. You have to hope that should you ever get successful, you’ll remember those safety nets and keep embracing the discomfort of having to remember to do better.

[onlyswan]

hi art, I just read your recent installment and I must say that drunk art is just exceptionally poetic and I cannot stress it enough, you really now how to put such emotions into words that you know would deliver the sparks. I love every word you put into it especially these parts:

you don’t know if you’re blinded by love, putting your trust in jungkook when he said that he wanted to build a life with you; or if it’s arrogance, having the trust in your ability to stand on your own feet again incase a match is thrown in a puddle of fuel on the floor. the latter is more painful to think about, quite frankly. just because you can, doesn’t mean that you want to. you have to. you have to. with bruised knees from praying for a little more time, you have to. the earth doesn’t stop orbiting the sun when your house burns down.

you perfectly describe what it is like to be in a place where you cannot fathom how did you get in this place that is too good to be true yet so scary and that no matter how frightening it is you know you will never have it any other way and taking that big of a step and putting your heart in line with someone like THE jeon jungkook and making a home out of his heart, I must say that a person as beautiful as oc deserve him so so so much and it is so nice that oc seems to be mirroring a lot of people like us who carries baggage yet is experiencing such exqusitely beautiful love gives me comfort like hell yeah, we also deserved to be loved despite of it all.

the epiphany that he is doing this at 2am not because time has arrived to daunt him and he needs to leave your bed to go home. not anymore. whatever this is, it feels so fucking good. oh my god, he looks forward to spending the rest of his life feeling you breathe next to him, getting lost in how peaceful you look asleep when he randomly wakes up in the middle of the night.

also this... this made me swoon so hard that I just have to read it a couple of times to be able to absorb the power this thought holds. the domesticated feelings. looking at the love of your life and suddenly your future flashes in your eyes. oh jungkook, bless your sweet sweet heart.

I just love them both so much, they are both so playful yet they have the most genuine love for each other. Also art, I was listening to boygenius' album earlier when the song true blue played and it reminded me of in which! couple like:

You've never done me wrong Except for that one time that we don't talk about Because it doesn't matter anymore Who won the fight? I don't know, we're not keeping score

And it feels good to be known so well I can't hide from you like I hide from myself I remember who I am when I'm with you Your love is tough, your love is tried and true blue

I remember the previous installment and it's just so soft and so cute and so freaking wholesome like goodness, thank you for creating them. Anyway, that's all this is getting too long hehe Love, ♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧

“hell yeah, we also deserved to be loved despite of it all.” 🥹🥹🥹 i cried

ngl it took me a while to answer this bcs i keep reading your words over and over again. i love when they’re talked about like this 🥲 it’s just soooo heartwarming to learn that the messages i’m weaving throughout the drabbles are well received. like it still feels surreal to me that you guys read read my works :,( and have come to understand and love jungkook and oc deeply as much if not more than me. literally feel free to analyze bcs i’m so interested in hearing your thoughts and how you perceive them !! thank you so much for your time and attention :") and i hope i never waste or take them for granted. i really am so grateful for each like reblog comments and asks 🫂💕

and bless jungkook’s sweet sweet heart indeed </3 baby is so happy to finally be living with oc

omg these lyrics and especially “you’ve never done me wrong except for that one time we don’t talk about“ holy shit??? 😭 so in which couple coded indeed. thank you for sharing i’ll be listening to it a lot !! <333

[rex101111]

Okay I'll admit I sort of gave up because if you held me at gunpoint and made me have to whittle this down into one option I'd just tell you to shoot me. So, uh, I made a list instead. Admittedly I think most of them fall into two categories, really good dialogue or really interesting descriptors because those are two things I notice you tend to do really well.

-

Ghosts flaked off him like dandruff, floating in the air as he breathed them back in.

“But I didn’t call you out here so we can have a pissing contest over who gets to be the overprotective monster hiding in the closet.”

Her voice carried the universal annoyance of knowing someone from the day you were born and having no say on whether or not you wanted to know them. She made it sound warm.

A bisected corpse of a Gear was floating in the pond, staining the water a sickly red. Dead fish and birds littered the waters along with it, a few bigger fish found themselves tangled in the hanging guts of the monster.

Baiken kicked open the doors to the bar with all the grace of a sleep-deprived rhino, one of them ripped clean off its hinges and landing on the street with a crash

"I said I wanted to be your knight on a white steed, though I suppose this is a good conciliation prize!"

a black hat held tightly in the death grip of a hideously young corpse dressed in cheerful orange.

Kings, Queens, Dukes and Lords and Princes and every gilded wretch in between would prove to be undeserving of the power they wielded.

He yells at this rock, this stone of his people that glowed with power he could never hope to fathom (because anyone who could have explained it to him was dead), not because he hoped for an answer, but because the question needed to be asked.

It is not a friend. It is too old for that.

So his directions were half baked, unsure. And so Garummon followed, uncaring that it crashed into trees and rocks, because light’s only purpose was forward velocity. It only asked him for direction, any direction. And then everything in that direction became very, very dead.

She made exactly one step before she felt his hand on her shoulder, the one bearing the weight of weapons and scars

Mito did scold her this time, albeit gently, “don’t be ridiculous, you of all people should know how much a girl needs her big sister.”

Her shoulders jumped in a hiccup that came without permission.

She only allowed sleep to have a hold on her when Eri reached out for Delilah’s hand from within her sleep, able to have some measure of confidence that she’d be able to stop her from going too far.

He had to repeatedly stamp down his frustration with her lack of knowledge, if she hadn’t made a habit of deliberately skipping physical checks, she would know nothing in this office could hurt a fly…well, unless it fell on the fly but that would be hardly fair to blame him on.

Such precision was born of either practice, or innate talent, and he wasn’t sure which option made him more sick to his stomach.

Eddie lashes out, grabs Millia’s knife, and crushes it like a piece of scrap metal. Zato, feeling nothing, places a hand on his head, and Eddie calms, his own anger falling into Zato’s void and utterly failing to fill even an inch of it.

"So, I'm going to ask you a very simple question, child, do you want to live?"

She almost doesn't hear him, and then she feels a snag. The saw catches on something, and she knows what it is. The sounds of metal cutting into bone overpower her senses, the shock of the saw vibrates through her entire body, the pain slicing into the marrow and ever louder screams burst from her.

Fredrick (bigger and older and sadder and hurt and scared and different but still) watching her as she explains all she can, Asuka (thinner and sorry and wiser and quiet but still) sending her off with a promise and a hope.

She remembers accepting death, readying herself for it, bracing herself by holding on to Fredrick's hand as the world grew cold. But, now, here she is, alive and fine and with a sore throat and a splitting headache.

"Sol Badguy?" She managed to get out between a chuckle or two, "seriously? You couldn't think of a better alias then Sol Fucking Badguy?"

"Nun habit and Yo-yo Anji." She emphasized emphatically, raising her gaze for a moment to meet his before going back to the present. "Plus, he's a rich white kid." She poked the package a few times. "Buddha only knows what goes on in his head."

She wonders, wonders what song The Men On The Ground will send her tomorrow when she needs to wake up. She hopes its a song about the sun. (YES I STILL REREAD THIS ONE AND IT STILL MAKES ME CRY)

i just stared a this for a while because it reminded that, yeah, im pretty fucking good at this writing stuff ain't I? Izzy honestly just thank you for bringing up this huge collection XD And also some of my older stuff too.

Also yeah I read my Opportunity fic sometimes too when i need a good cry

[myrfing]

Yeah! In the end WoLs are very personal to the players so I try to remember and not to be too judgey about it! And yeah there are some WoLs I really love as well! And my own was originally just a vague self insert with the name of an old OC and then they took a life of their own so I renamed them .. xD

Regarding wishing there was more freedom in choices in 14: I think that as an MMO there are just some limitations people just have to accept. The msq is linear for sure though I don't know if that's just because 1) it's Final Fantasy first and foremost, 2) it's a jrpg first and foremost (different game design philosophy between JP and US?) You certainly can't have multiple outcomes, I think, especially not with 14's infamous spaghetti coding. And the team already have so many tasks... (reason why I'm just rolling with the gender unlocking of certain glams being slow)

Though, I've never played an MMO prior to this, and most western RPGs don't interest me. So my lack of frame of reference is probably another reason why I can't really fathom choice freedom similar to, say, Dragon Age, in an MMO in general, esp not one as linear as 14 ... poyo.

(I could do with more fiddling around with GW2 tho, I do enjoy it whenever I boot it up for fun)

HAHAHA YOU AND I BOTH if it's. not obvious that "gourd appraiser" wasnt meant to be. well. youre so right suddenly theyre alive what can we do but give them the reins.

and for sure. I'm really mostly okay with xiv's linearity and rigidity; I think they wanted to tell a certain story and told it. I actually dunno if that's a western/eastern design philosophy and don't think choice/branching narratives is necessarily not a jrpg element but the concept of it with games like for sure DA or UT or even older text rpgs whatever have really popularized it here yeah. in xiv theres obviously some parts where im like He would naht do/say that. or some parts I wish weren't in the msq at all. but for the most part I'm glad things turned out the way they did and I've never struggled too hard to work with it. i think it'd sit wrong with me if the story went another way, if the wol like, just said I don't owe anyone anything and everyone shouldnt ask a thing of me and ran forever.

but that's mostly because I fell hook line and sinker for the world so when anyone in the story is like do you want to keep going and keep this world alive I'm like of fucking course AND it's going to be fun you don't even need to ASK bro. while for others I do understand the sort of disappointment that comes with thinking this could have gone another way that they would have liked better, but the devs chose this way, so they feel like they were robbed of that different outcome. and to me they chose this one because they wanted to tell a story about caring about others and finding hope in others and struggling together towards a better future in a world that is largely hostile to that, that constantly gravitates towards its doom, and I really like that. I like how it reflects in their own dev experience having to reboot the game too! but some people feels like it rings hollow, or they don't really care for that sort of thing, or this spirit just doesnt reach them, and well...wat can you do.

and you're definitely right in that mmos simply cant handle diversity of choice in a game meant to support..well..massively multiplayer online play. at most you get factions which are notoriously clunky and seem to only function in games without a strong central narrative. if 50% of the playerbase said fuck off to minfilia, fuck off hydaelyn, you can't tell me what to do, and went to live a low-stakes life then. that's 50% of the playerbase that needs something other than all the dungeons, trials, deliveries, sidequests, raids, pretty much fucking everything to do, that aren't gonna be a part of the roulette. and they wouldn't have been able to pull off the concept of azem's magic either, the weird living idea that as players of the same character you all walk the same path and thus are always at each other's side. or the funnier route would be well everyone who wanted to play gets the kino ass "shepherd to the stars in the dark" shit and everyone who didnt to play can just sit on their hands I guess.

but i dont think people actually expect it to have branching paths, they just wanted the devs to choose a different one. but there's so many good and fun things throughout the entirety of the game that it'd honestly feel pretty lonely to lose all of this over a nebulous refusal to owe anyone anything and be owed anything, because the wol does go through some painful stuff and has some high expectations placed on them...AS IFFFF everyone in the story doesnt suffer and struggle against the same things while the wol has the privilege of controlling more of their luck, AS IFFFFFFFFFF choosing a path where you say fuck everyone else wouldn't have been empty and boring. as if the antagonists that apparently care about us more don't have wishes and goals and duties and lives of their own and are only made to love you in some made up but easier, purer, assured way.

and oh hee hee gw2...I saw a golden chicken in that game and logged off forever I was like this is it. but I'm playing gw1 (slowly) with friends and while it's still campaigns it definitely does excel in that look at this big ass world go do what you want thing. and yeah mmos are fucking...expensive and terribly difficult to make and keep alive. there's a reason they're just dying out

[a-spell-a-rebel-yell]

November!!!!!

your monthly late post is here! and this time it's for a very special month, by far my favorite month of 2023 (we still have to wait until December though, in this house we play fair and square hahah) hello lads and lasses, hoping all is well wherever you are!

oh boy where do i even start! so November is my bday month, CoIdpIay Jakarta month, and CoIdpIay's first Asia/Oceania leg of Music of the Spheres world tour!!! this post is gonna be yet another long one because so many exciting things happened and i want to retell every juicy detail of them!

first of all, a little heads up, for laying low purposes i'll be censoring a few words (lowercase L changed to uppercase i, etc) so rest assured my keyboard is OK! second of all, if you saw my instagram stories or read my tweets you guys must be wondering why all of a sudden i got to see CoIdpIay in Jakarta when i clearly said i lost the ticketing war and that i will never buy from scalpers?

this is where one of the greatest adventure of my lifetime started. that seemingly contradictive event is solved by a very unexpected turn as a causal effect of something i did without much thinking a long time ago: i signed up for Love Button (LB) voIunteering project! a little bit background story, CoIdpIay have been partnering with a lot of non-government organizations working for environment, social justice, and humanity, where LB is one of them. every single concert show the band will bring along these NGOs to create impact at the cities they visited. the NGOs will then open a call for volunteers asking locals to join in. when CoIdpIay Jakarta was announced around May, even after i knew i can't see the band, i only thought that at least i get to join an activity that is endorsed by the band, brings positivity, and provides help. so i quickly signed up for LB, and as time flew by i kinda forgot about it.

around mid October aka 1,5 months before CoIdpIay Jakarta, i got an email from LB's head coordinator asking for confirmation from the people who've signed up whether they're still interested to volunteer, there were 27 people contacted. i remember immediately replying with a "yes please!!!" because i was just so excited 😂 then a week later another email from LB HQ again asking for confirmation from the ones who are still interested whether we have any idea which Indonesian NGOs LB can work with and would we be able to make it to spare some time for voIunteering project, this time only 19 people were contacted. then at last, around a month before CoIdpIay Jakarta, LB HQ made a WhatsApp group for the remaining 10 people. i remember thinking, "oh, only ten people can make it," which is understandable because usually the volunteering project will be held on d-1/d-day of the CoIdpIay show, where Jakarta's will be on a weekday.

here's when things get a whole lot more interesting! after all ten of us joined the group, LB HQ dropped the surprise: all of us will get a CoIdpIay Jakarta ticket, free of charge, courtesy of the band!!!!!

i remember receiving the news on a Friday during a class (yes i played with my phone during class do not imitate) and wanting to scream and jump and laugh but i couldn't because i was on a Zoom meeting with my cam on 😂 i never expected this to happen and never even dared to imagine this stroke of luck will ever come to me 🥺 until this very second as i type this i still can't fathom how when it's yours it will be yours no matter what. i mean: i remember feeling so dejected after not being able to secure any ticket on three different occasions (BCA presale, general sale, Infinity tickets sale) and knowing so many scalpers and scammers are out there waiting to prey on me, yet! i still get the ticket, there's a way for me to see the band at my home stadium, from a very unexpected source, and without spending any money!? i was over the moon, rejoicing over the news with a coldplay twitter friend who also got selected as one of the volunteers. i couldn't really talk about it since i want to keep it a secret because at that time i didn't exactly have ticket already, so i didn't want to jinx it.

anyways, LB HQ announced the volunteering project will take place d-1 CoIdplay Jakarta. here was when i encountered the first problem: during CoIdplay Jakarta week, i also had a orthodontic seminar happening (LB volunteer on Nov 14, CoIdplay Jakarta on Nov 15 while the seminar was on Nov 14-16) and at first i was heartbroken because initially

(edit: 31/12/2023 - i’m crying i actually have this Nov post almost finished in drafts BUT THEN BAM more uni assignments i procrastinated even more 🥲 so now i’m gonna finish this post lol)

because initially i thought i couldn’t make it given that i have to attend the Jakarta Orthodontist Meeting seminars, but biidznillah it was actually the one thing that made it possible for me to clear my schedule in a way that i don’t have mandatory classes and i can just slip away unnoticed! this is again, one of those times Allah helped me in ways i never expected and He came from unexplainable twists…

so yes, the days leading to Love Button volunteering day and coldplay Jakarta were charged with adrenaline, literally the best kind of wait i’ve ever experienced haha. i remember when November 14th finally came, i was sooo relieved and nervous at the same time i had to force myself to go to sleep the night before and woke up super early. my plan was: the volunteer work was from 7-9 AM and then i’d go straight to Kuningan where the seminar was held. important note is that the seminar started at 8.30 AM so i was late for almost 1.5 hours (i volunteered at Lapangan Banteng Park at Central Jakarta and the seminar was at South Jakarta 🥲) but yeah! the rush to be quick while also enjoying it was so fun! volunteer work was trash collecting with friends from Trash Hero Jakarta and though it was scorching hot i got to finally meet the rest of Love Button vols (that now are my very great friends, we’re seeing each other again for Coldplay Singapore haha) also! Nov 14th night i went to ColdplayXtra’s fan meetup and met even more coldplay friends!!! we had singalongs while having dinner and sharing stories, i could feel the way our love for the band brings us together, it was instant friendship bond made one after another we conversed like we were longtime besties.

next day comes, the main event of the month: coldplay Jakarta d-day!!! oh my god. when i tell you i can’t even describe how magical that day was, please believe me i feel like right now it’s kinda pointless trying to write it down because the range of emotions i feel that night was so diverse and no word can bring it justice 🥹 but i’ll start from the morning, i had to come to the seminar first because i had to scan my barcode for my attendance record, then at 12.30 PM after i ate lunch & did my prayers i went to Fairmont Hotel to exchange my ticket (the tickets for Love Button vols are different than the rest, because we got special seated VIP ones with ‘guest of the artist’ tagged for us!!! 🤩) then after that we crossed over to Gelora Bung Karno stadium complex.

apparently our tickets also have different instructions where we were to enter the stadium complex from a different/sterile gate, so we didn’t queue at all 🥹 got our lightning wristbands and then we took photos, literally hunting for any photobox or photo ops around the complex because we didn’t need to queue to go inside the stadium (since our tickets are seated ones) to pass time. dozens of photos collected, then we sat down and ate our meals as we wait until gates open time. another surprise came: Coldplay reposted Love Button’s instagram post!!! another once-in-a-lifetime bucket list checked: having our faces broadcasted to almost 24M of coldplay’s instagram followers 😂

around 6 PM we were finally allowed to enter the stadium and my oh my. GBK is HUGEEE! i have a very bad depth/distance perception at first i was like, oh this stadium is not that big. but when i finally had a fixed point of reference (it was the pillars above my head lol) i realized just how spacious and gigantic it is! i mean, the capacity is 85,000 people!!! woah and seeing the place getting filled slowly was quite a view. we had Rahmania Astrini as our opener and she was great! her songs are nice and her voice is A+, i suggest checking her out!

9 PM finally arrived and i remember saying to kak Jess how buzzing with surmounting energy i was as we all held our breath for the long awaited opening track signifying the band’s entrance: John William’s E.T’s theme, the Flying Theme!!! as a film score enthusiast i was this close to combust up in flames, two of my favorite things in one go, my heart can only take so much 🥹🥹🥹

then Higher Power started playing, and it began, the show i had been waiting for 9 years… i remember feeling like i ascended to cloud nine, as the stadium lit up with colors and all i could do was sing as loud as my vocal cord allowed me to, jumped up and down in the most literal way because i couldn’t stop moving around to the beat and the rhythm, and just overall trying to gulp down taking in

(edit #3, 23/01/2024: lol i am sorry my assignments were really holding me from finishing the post but! here i am d-3 to my coldplay Singapore trip, resuming the story!)

i don't think i can put into words what i felt during the show, it was simply magical. everything and everyone was so fully energy charged. and i'm so glad i saw the band with nine other Love Button volunteers because they were in the same brain wavelength/frequency as me so it goes without saying it was super duper fun enjoying whatever the band gave us during the show 🥺 best day ever, best early birthday present ever. the friends i met and found along the way are some of the best people i've ever had the precious chance to come across. these memories are to last for a very long time. so huge thank you for @coldplay no words could ever express my gratitude enough 💙

then along came my birthday, and my classmates held a mini celebration for me, though hilariously they admitted it was almost a disaster because they weren't sure the exact date - i'm the walking reminder of the class so it was impossible to ask the bday person what's their bday 😭😂

all in all, November's adventures are full of fun! the fact that the most seemingly impossible things to happen still found its way to happen is mindblowing. it cemented even deeper into my psyche that to trust Allah is to have the best plan ever. i could literally meticulously plan from A to Z but when He decided upon another, that's my path. even until today i still can't believe against all odds, with many conflicting schedules, tight spots, i still made it. with my faith in me, i will have not to worry. this actually soothes my overthinking self better than anything! haha

life is good, alhamdulillah. see you in the December post that i'm also currently writing (lol!) and also in January post that i'll write after i'm back from Singapore, from yet another adventure of a lifetime! 😉