#i interviewed for a fucking FAST FOOD position about 4 months before i started my current job and the stone cold fucking audacity

[fingertipsmp3]

What I really don’t get is job interviewers who make it clear that they don’t want you or don’t think you could do the job well, and when you try to defend yourself they come up with weird fucking contradictions. Like. Why the fuck are you even bothering to interview me at this point. Genuinely why waste your time. I know you’re getting paid to waste this half hour with me instead of doing your actual job, but still

[spidxysense]

Back to You | 14

Summary: He broke your heart, but you’d always love him. Two souls that not even the universe could tear apart, even if you wanted it to at times.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader x Timothee Chalamet

A/N: Yay I updated! I hope you guys like this one, I was stuck for a bit there but once I sat down and got to typing, I really finished it in one sitting. I was just planning on updating it bit by bit lol. Let me know what you guys think, Love you!!!!!!

Word count: 2,591

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14

In a few short months of your movie premier with Timothee, you were finally able to release your double-release album, and the response was massive, to say the least. You'd been getting calls from different show hosts' upcoming awarding ceremonies. Still, you couldn't for life in you accept, all except for the Oscars, which your manager told you was a must since you'd be attending in the first place anyway and that performing at the Oscars was a big deal given that you also starred in films and shows.

You turned in bed, facing Timothee's sleeping face. He had been in town for a week now, back on a break from filming in Hungary. Then he'd be back to film in England in a couple of weeks. After your talk on your premiere night, it was to an agreement that whatever you had going on was just two people exploring and experiencing things with someone they had strong feelings for. There wasn't a need for a media circus to cover anything about you two except your movie.

You move his arm, placed it over your waist, and sit up slowly in bed, making sure not to stir Timothee. The jetlag must be shit. You stretched your arms in front of you, glancing at the clock that read 2:07 AM. You get up, grabbing Timothee's white shirt from the floor, and, putting it on, walking over to the bathroom. You looked at yourself in the mirror, touching some of the reddening parts of your neck courtesy of Timothee, and then you notice the toothbrushes… there were two. From this single thing alone, it had you catching everything about the bathroom, how there were two towels, one black, and one violet, which just so happened to be your favorite color.

You walked over to the nightstand beside the bed, putting on your skinny jeans, turning on the lamp, and noticing his wallet. Inside was a picture of you. Opening the closet doors, the ones hung up were various suits, jackets, and even dresses you've worn to events. Why didn't he just send these back? Why would he let you keep your stuff in his house?

You drag your feet downstairs, noticing small details you'd been blind to before, like the large dog bed positioned by the door despite Timothee telling you he could only ever get himself to take care of a tiny dog. You noticed the colored mugs and bowls, a deep dull navy blue color, the same as the ones in your house. Suddenly, everything feels as if it's moving too fast. You both agreed there was no relationship, and there was attraction, but why does his home feel like it's become yours as well?

You sit down, taking a few deep breaths before deciding to stand up and grab your cardigan from the coathanger, opening the front door and closing it behind you as you waited for a taxi to bring you to the more active part of the city at night.

You just couldn't deal with a relationship right now. You couldn't let your heart get broken again, so you have to find ways to distract yourself.

The car stops in front of you, driving off into the night and dropping you off by a club that Troye agreed to meet you at.

You and Timothee had an attraction, but you both agreed there was no label; ergo, there was no intimate relationship even though you both have done everything together. No boyfriend means you were free to do whatever you wanted without worrying about him. But if you were honest with yourself, this was more of you suggesting something you already knew Timothee wasn't too keen on agreeing with but would just because he thought that having something with you was better than absolutely nothing. You saw Troye waiting out by the back entrance for you when he spotted you and called you over. Almost like clockwork, every time you snuck out away from Timothee, everything in you screamed to turn back, to clear your head, and for the first time, you listened.

You motioned for Troye to go ahead and sent him a text that you'd probably just head home because you weren't feeling well. He gave you a knowing look before looking like he finally approved of your actions and sent you a quick and short 'Good." text, and headed inside.

You walked around for a while after that. Soon it was already just about 5 in the morning, and even though you wouldn't let yourself come to any conclusion as to what you even wanted out of this almost relationship with Timothee, you still found yourself back at his front door.

You took out the keys in your pocket, slowly opening the door only to find Timothee sat on the couch, his knees up to his chest as he stared off into space, either deep in thought or trying to keep himself awake… maybe even both.

When he saw you enter, a soft smile formed on his face, and for some reason, that made you smile too.

"Hey, you." He spoke softly.

You sat down quietly next to him, instantly he set his feet on the ground and reached over to embrace you in a hug, the familiar scent of Timothee that never left you that evening even more evident… It felt and smelled familiar, and right now, while your mind was a mess, familiarity was what you needed.

Timothee lifted his head, worried, "Hey, are you alright?"

You sighed, "I don't want to hurt you."

He murmured quietly into your neck as he peppered kisses, "You could never."

You pulled away, feeling guilt in your bones, "Aren't you even a little bit frustrated that we've been like this for months? That even in private, we can't even say that we're in a relationship?"

You gave you a reassuring look, "We both wanted this Y/N."

You sat up, "Except we didn't… You didn't." You corrected yourself, "You're bringing your mother to the fucking Oscars next month because I told you we couldn't be seen together at carpets for Pete's sake."

You stood up, starting to pace back and forth, "We have to coordinate outfits for the sake of not matching, and we never go out because I can't be seen with you in fear that we're going to get found out. I'm a terrible fucking person, and I don't understand how you're so okay with this."

Timothee was grinning, sleep still in his eyes, "I'm okay with it because I love you, Y/N."

You froze in your spot, "You what?"

He nodded and got up, walking over to you. The blue light of the early morning peaking through the curtain made this moment feel and look ethereal, "I said I love you, Y/N. I've known that I loved you from the moment I met you." He kissed the top of your head as he embraced you.

You shook your head, "No, no, no, you don't. I'll even list more shit I've done to you just so you understand how and why you don't love me."

Timothee chuckled, "And yet despite all this... all that's registering in my head is the fact that you've been thinking of me and only me this whole time. You've been worried about how you're hurting me because you don't want to."

And that's when you realized that Timothee was right. This whole time you've been thinking of Timothee and how much you wanted to protect him from you, but he never wanted to be protected from you because he knew that you could never hurt him. You rested your forehead against his.

"I-I need to go. I need to think."

He smiled sadly, "I'll be here when you're ready. I'll always be here Y/N until you don't want me to be here anymore."

-----------------------------------------------------------

You sat in your house, since leaving Timothee's earlier, you had been sat there lost in thought as you argued with yourself. It was true, the last thing you wanted was to hurt Timothee, but you were confused because it's like you couldn't understand your feelings. After all, a particular person still held a large part of it in his hands.

Timothee was there for you. Late night at the recording studio, whether through being there physically or even calling you or skyping you, he was always there. He was there with you when you bought all your albums from Target, and he was also the one who insisted you find another target that hasn't sold out your CDs so he could buy all of them too. Timothee was there with you when you had interviews that you almost felt like you could puke from nervousness backstage as he watched you talk about another celebrity you were getting linked to, and he was there with you to giggle about how stupid talk shows were. Timothee was always there. Whether it was dancing, kissing, or even fighting in the rain, he was always with you. He always wanted you around. Even when you rode the subway to get to a press conference of his or a promo for his upcoming movie, he always wanted you with him. He'd run with you in the rain, and he'd kiss away the sadness when you didn't want to speak with him. He was there with you when you get the sudden urge to buy all the popsicles from the nearest whole foods, and he was there with you when you got sick with the flu, which he also got from you. You'd spend afternoons walking around a far-off hill as you two put flowers in your hair despite knowing that you two probably had your busy schedules. Nothing mattered when you were with Timothee. Nothing mattered except each other. A part of you felt hurt that these memories you had kept of you and Tom were slowly being replaced by everything Timothee, but a large part of you also knew that the person you have now had no doubt that you couldn't ignore your feelings. You couldn't have to take Timothee out of your life.

Making up your mind, you got up, got dressed, and left for where you were sure you would find Tom.

He was in the middle of filming a new movie, but the second he saw you, he immediately asked to stop filming, a familiar, loving face plastered on as he walked over to you before being stopped by the director. They looked to be having a bit of a disagreement before he pointed you out, and the director looked at you in realization, patting him on the back and allowing him to jog over to you.

"Hey." You paused, your hand grasping your arm, and Tom took notice right away.

His eyebrows furrowed, "Hey, what's wrong?" He pulls you to sit by the curb as you two sat side by side, "You only do that when you're having a hard time saying something."

You gave him a look, "Well… I came here to ask you if it was alright if I try things out with Timothee."

He looked taken aback, "Oh, well, honestly, I thought you came by to sort things out between us…." He took notice of the way you looked down in guilt, "I don't think you could do anything with another guy that wouldn't upset me… but I don't really get that prerogative anymore, Y/N." He sighed, wrapping an arm around you to comfort you, "The fact is, you're trying to grow into who you've always wanted to be, and I'm trying to do that too for the sake of us and what we could be. If that means that you need or want to date someone again, I'll fully support you, but the most important thing is, does he make you happy?"

You sighed, looking out onto the filming lot, and nodded slowly, not noticing the slight upset look on Tom's face, "I catch myself sometimes smiling to myself when I think of him… But it's like I can't do anything because I don't want to let go of what we had."

Tom took a gulp, deciding that what was important right now was you, more than what he wanted, "What we had and what we were isn't important anymore Y/N. I'm working towards what we could become. What we had was co-dependency and a constant need to be in each other's presence to prove that what we had was perfect. I want us to find each other again in the future and know that no matter how far apart we are, if hopefully, we get together again, there is nobody in this world we'll love more… and that's what I'm encouraging you to do. I want to grow with you and grow for each other, and if that means you dating other people to understand yourself more, then I support you."

You looked at Tom for a second before hugging him and pecking him on the cheek, "I really needed that, Tom. Thank you."

He hugged you tighter, "Anytime. I'll always be here for you, Y/N."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

You gripped your seat in the car in pure nerves. You were on your way to the Oscars with your assistant constantly telling you about your performance and what not to mess up and things to remember, especially about reporters who wanted an interview with you. To say you were all nerves today was an understatement. You hadn't spoken to Timothee ever since you told him you needed time to think, so today would be the first time you would ever come face to face with him. You thought long and hard about everything between the two of you. Still, you think you're finally ready to actually put some time and effort into this… and if that meant doing things that would significantly make Timothee happy, then you'd do it.

Your assistant watched a live feed from the Oscars as she gave you updates on how Armie was on the carpet. Saoirse was on the carpet, talking about how she hoped to make a movie with you and various other stars. You were a few minutes away from the carpet when she spoke up again.

"Timothee has just arrived." then she looked at her phone and back at you, doing a double-take as you gave her a sheepish smile, all she could do was smile approvingly at you before going back to giving you live updates.

A few minutes later, and your heart didn't feel like it was going to slow down anytime soon as your assistant gave you a pep talk, "Y/N. You are gonna rock that carpet, you'll turn heads, and most importantly, you're gonna be the talk of the night. There is nothing that could go wrong tonight. Just take deep breaths and don't trip."

Luckily you were still coherent enough to understand what she said as you took deep breaths to calm your nerves.

"Alright, three… two… one." The door flew open as one of the large men in suits grabbed your hand and helped you out. Your dress was not providing you much flexibility to move, and for almost 15 seconds, it felt like everything was moving in slow motion as everyone was quiet. You found Timothee busy with an interview as the crowd looked from you to him, the topic on everyone's minds for the past few months. As if this were the only proof they needed, they held their cameras in their hands as they snapped pictures of you and a commotion started as they started asking for Timothee.

You think you gave them a quick, charming grin as you told them he was in an interview before walking towards the interviewer and Timothee. She was the first to notice while Timothee talked about how his mom stood him up as his Oscars date, something you arranged a week earlier and something Timothee's mom was more than happy to comply to.

The interviewer looks ecstatic as the only one and the first one on this carpet to get whatever the scoop was here, as she wasted no time when you slowly approached them, "Timothee! You said you were stood up, but you never told us that your backup would be late!"

Timothee shot her a confused look before he felt your arm slowly snake around his arm, "Sorry I'm late." You quickly whispered to him.

His face looked shocked. Almost as if a reflex, he almost pulled away from you before getting a good look at what you were wearing. His jaw looked like it would drop to the floor as he looked utterly awestruck.

The interviewer giggled nervously, already knowing her interview time was slowly coming to an end without any payoff to the two of you, "Timothee, you look to be speechless at Y/N's dress tonight." She looked at you hopefully, "Could everyone here assume this is date night?"

You smiled shyly at the lady before giving her a tiny curt nod, "I know it's a bit cliche to match outfits, but when I saw that Timothee was going to wear a harness, I just couldn't let him take all the attention for tonight, so I apologize, but I've kept this secret from him too just to make sure he doesn't do anything to take the spotlight, that's why he looks like he's just had a heart attack." you giggled.

He gave a quick, playful tilted look to you before blinking multiple times, "In my defense, I didn't even know that this was a harness... They told me this was a bib."

"Bib or not, you two look like the sexiest couple on the carpet, and I just so happen to be the luckiest interviewer tonight." The interviewer looked ecstatic as can be as she jumps up, more energetic to interview the two of you, "And well, Y/N, one look at you, and it's hard to believe anyone would still have the ability to speak. You look gorgeous." She winked at the camera, "But I can't help but notice you just confirmed this is date night… Is it safe to assume what everyone has been wondering for the past few months? That you two are dating?"

Somehow, Timothee finally snaps out of it and looks at you, a questioning look before you leaned over and spoke into the mic, "Yeah. We're together. We have been for a while now." You smiled sheepishly as you saw Timothee's face glow as he wrapped his arm around your waist, "I apologize for keeping quiet for so long, but we think it's the right time to go public now that we've decided to take things to a more serious level."

The interviewer waves a hand in the air, "As long as you two let us in on the secret, there's no problem there." She faced the camera, "You heard it here first, folks. Hollywood's newest and hottest up and coming power couple. From both Y/N and Timothee themselves, now going public with their relationship."

As you two walked away from the interviewer for more pictures, Timothee embraced you, uncaring of the cameras flashing in your faces, "Are you serious?"

You nodded slowly, "I'm ready to be with you completely, Timothee. I'm sorry I took so long."

He shook his head like a puppy, "As long as you're here with me now, Y/N, I don't care."

He pulled away at the sound of your name and his in the same sentence as the photographers asked for your attention. He quickly kisses you on the cheek as you shut your eyes and grinned, cameras going off and commotion started up at you two, the young hot couple everyone had wanted more details on.

Timothee clutched your waist tightly, almost like he was afraid that if he let go, this would all go back to how everything was before.

Before entering the venue, he pulled you to the side, "Are you sure about this? I don't want you to force yourself."

You shook your head, guiding his head to yours, "I think I'm in love with you too, Timothee. I'm all in with you." And then you kissed him.

[fuck-customers]

This a like.. fuck bosses I guess I think my previous employer really fucked me over. (This will be broken up weird since I’m kind of ranting and wrote it all in one chunk sorry) I’m only 19 and have had 2 jobs total (2 summers at a summer camp and then cashier/manager at a fast food place) I quit my job because it was becoming detrimental to my mental and physical health. No matter how many times I asked them to schedule me for just days or just nights they would switch me between the two multiple times a week, some weeks (or months) I wouldn’t get any days off, they give me the literal bare minimum of time between shifts multiple shifts in a row, always kept me for 1-3 hours of unpaid overtime (I was on salary but if I ever called out I would still fuckin “owe” hours despite all my overtime)

my medication became ineffective and counterproductive because of my inconsistent schedule, my boss would belittle me and power trip me, yell at me for the jacket or shirt I would wear to work because it made me look “trashy”, belittle me for my choice of uniform for that day despite others wearing the SAME THING and having nothing said to them, insulting my personality to my face, getting upset with me over shit that wasn’t even my fault (eg. customer complained about me to CORPORATE because they didn’t believe me when I thoroughly explained that the item they wanted was on recall and why, I wouldn’t break policy for this one woman and she complained to corporate about that too. I was yelled at despite the fact you can see in ctv she’s yelling and stomping her feet and flipping me off), the location was dangerous I’m under 5 feet tall and I often had to confront people for reasons varying between drug use, loitering, violent or aggressive behaviour, etc. I’ve been physically attacked at this job before.

Eventually the burnout and exhaustion led to me becoming suicidal. When you’re in a situation that makes you suicidal I find the best remedy for this is to leave the situation. So I did that. I quit, I gave my boss a heads up that I was looking for a new job. Her response was to belittle me and tell me other employers wouldn’t want to hire me because I’m depressed and I’m lucky I even had a job with them because they weren’t originally going to hire me (I was literally one of the only compitant cashiers and I even started cross training since I ran into the kitchen to help them out during rushes where I managed the front by myself and I still kept things clean and did extra tasks and often did the next persons tasks for them in ADVANCE so they wouldn’t have to) but I don’t work hard enough apparently. She said word for word “there’s 20 people lined up to take your position so if you want to keep this job you’re going to have to fight for it.”

Then she fucked up my schedule even more taking away my Saturday which was the day I usually at least had a little bit of time to just exist outside of work and schedule me for a night shift immediately followed by a day shift followed by a morning shift. This was after a week of no days off already. So I quit on the spot on the Saturday because I really! Couldn’t do it anymore! So she called the fucking police on me claiming I was trying to kill myself. I think she was trying to get me hospitalized? I talked to the officers who showed up at my fucking door while I was minding my own god damn business about what I actually said and my reasons for quitting and they agreeed that I acted reasonably and left me the fuck alone.

I’ve now been applying for jobs for 4 months now (I quit 2 and a half months ago) with no dice, even other fast food places wont take me. I’ve submitted over two hundred applications and gotten 3 interviews each one seeming promising (my most recent one even said he would call me 3 days later because I was a perfect fit, he just had to finish up with the rest of his interviews and didn’t see any reason why he wouldn’t hire me) but never calling me back or letting me know they were gonna go with someone else. My old boss has been known to flag her ex employees resumes and I’m terrified she did that to me. I don’t know what to do since this fucks everything up for me and I have bills to pay since I’ve been independent since I was barely 17 and have no family support. This just really sucks and I’m so upset I’m probably being punished for taking care of myself. (I also live in Alberta Canada if anyone knows anything about laws or anything- a lot of stuff illegal in the USA is perfectly fine in Canada like the fact I didn’t get breaks or days off)

Sorry for the long post I’m just so frustrated

[dobseventeen]

A New Beginning: Chapter 5

A/N: Soooo the original post for this got deleted at some point and I have no idea why. Because of this, I’m not exactly sure which warnings or author’s notes I had, but it’s a mild chapter, nothing crazy so I doubt there were any warnings. Sorry for any inconvenience!! If you find any errors like this please let me know so I can fix them 💙

(P.S. I’m not going to post a taglist on this since this chapter originally came out like 9 months ago, but if you want to be added to it just let me know!)

Previous chapter: Chapter 4

Next Chapter: Chapter 6

You woke up in a haze, unaware of where you were or how you got there. This sudden rush of uncertainty caused your body to tense, only to relax once you recalled the events from the following evening, and heard Dylan breathing next to you. He must have felt your body stir, because he pulled you closer to him with the arm he had draped over your body. You completely surrendered to his touch, every worry and stress in your life seeming to drift away as Dylan held you in his strong arms. A large, permanent smile was plastered across your face. You could lay there for the rest of eternity, in Dylan’s embrace. You intertwined your fingers with his that were resting on your abdomen, and began stroking your thumb over his hand. 

Dylan began peppering light kisses starting on your shoulder to the nape of your neck, “Good morning, gorgeous.”

You pulled Dylan’s hand up to your mouth and gave it a delicate kiss, “Morning, Dyl.”

You rolled over in his arms so you could face him. You were unprepared for the beautiful sight that your eyes landed on. You had never seen someone look genuinely good right after waking up. Leave it to Dylan O’Brien to be the one to change that. His messy, tousled chocolate hair stuck out in every which way, and laid more flatly on his head than what it normally did. His whiskey eyes resided behind half-closed lids, and his lips had a slight pout in them, making them look irresistible. The blanket you two shared only covered the lower half of his body, putting his sculpted chest on display. You instantly reached your hand out and began tracing the outlines of his muscles, starting at his shoulders and making your way down to this abs. You thought to yourself how lucky you were to be in this moment. 

Dylan let out a small chuckle and smile at your actions. “How did you sleep, gorgeous?”

“Amazing. I can’t remember the last time I slept that well. How about you, handsome?” you replied and you began running your fingers over the moles that covered his chest. 

“I slept pretty well, but waking up to this was definitely the best part.” he stated while placing a kiss on your forehead. 

You looked up at him with a beaming smile. “I’d have to agree with that.”

“I’m going to go make us some breakfast, how do you take your coffee?” Dylan asked as he brushed a piece of hair off your face. 

“Are you sure? We could always go grab something or I could just get something at my hotel.” you responded lowly. 

Dylan looked at you with a playful glare, “Absolutely not. I’m making you breakfast and there’s nothing you can say or do to stop me. So, how do you take your coffee?”

“Okay, okay, O’Brien, sugar and a little bit of milk, please.” you stated with a thankful expression resting on your face.

“You got it, babe.” he sweetly replied. His nickname causing your heart to beat intensely in your chest and blush to coat your cheeks.

“I’m gonna freshen up and I’ll be right out.” you shouted as he walked down the hallway. 

You walked into his en suite praying you didn’t look as rough as you normally did in the mornings. Luckily, the ponytail your hair was pulled into was only slightly loosened, and the traces of makeup that remained around your eyes were still working in your favor. You were thankful that you removed a majority of your makeup before falling asleep, saving you from certain embarrassment. As you were swishing some mouthwash, you heard your phone ringing from the bedside table. You walked in to grab it, almost choking on the Listerine when you saw the name of the person that interviewed you on the screen. You quickly padded back into the bathroom and spit out the mouthwash. You took a deep breath and answered the phone. 

“Hello, Mrs. Romero! How are you?” you spoke jubilantly. 

“Hi, Ms. Y/L/N. I’m doing well, and how about you?”

The first thought to come to your mind was “Oh I just spent the night with Dylan fucking O’Brien and had the best sex ever and now he’s making me breakfast,” but obviously, you didn’t go with that. 

“I’m doing great, I’m really enjoying my time here in LA.” you responded cheerfully. 

“I’m really glad to hear that, Y/N, because we want to offer you the position! My team reviewed your resume and interview notes and instantly knew they wanted to bring you on board.” she stated with a calm, yet happy tone. 

You were ecstatic. Your heart was beating a million miles an hour as excitement ran through your veins. You didn’t realize your legs had begun moving until you walked into the kitchen and saw Dylan leaned over the oven in just a pair of grey sweatpants that hung low on his hips. Damn this man for knowing how to get you going without even having to try. He didn’t realize you were in the room until you began speaking into your phone again.

“Oh my gosh, yes absolutely! I’d love to take the job, it’s been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember!” you exclaimed into the phone as you made eye contact with Dylan. Dylan instantly knew what the call was, and looked at you with a face of pure excitement. His mouth fell into a wide smile and his eyebrows raised up, obviously wanting to speak, but knowing he’d have to wait until you hung up to do so. 

“That is great to hear, Ms. Y/L/N. Do you think a month is long enough for you to get your things moved out here and get situated?” Mrs. Romero asked.

“Yes, a month should be plenty of time. If something comes up and you need me to start sooner, I could always work out hotel arrangements in the meantime while I get an apartment. It’s totally up to you guys.” you said smoothly.

Dylan’s head shot up at your response. He didn’t want you to leave him for a month, nor did he want you to have to stay in a hotel at any point during this process. He couldn’t believe he actually felt this way after only knowing you for two nights, but he didn’t want to fight it. Any time he tried to fight feelings like this in the past, he always ended up disappointed or hurt. Plus, you made it easy for him to want these things. 

Dylan was pulled back from his thoughts when he heard you hang up the phone. You sat your phone on the counter and looked at Dylan with a smile covering your face, as he began making his way around the kitchen island.

“You got the job?” Dylan asked eagerly.

“Yes!!!” you screamed, a little too excitedly. Your cheeks covered in blush as he ran over and picked you up off the ground, twirling you in his arms. 

“That is so exciting! I knew you were going to get it, I had no doubt in my mind.” he stated while looking into your bright Y/C/E eyes. You held his face in both your hands and gave him a chaste kiss. You felt that you could live in this moment forever, feeling so safe and comforted in his arms. 

“Thanks, Dyl. You are too sweet.” you replied charmingly as he sat you back down to the ground.

“So, you don’t start for another month?” he questioned. Deep down he’d hoped he heard you wrong, and that you’d be planning your move to California by the end of the week. 

“Yeah, they said I’ll most likely start the first of next month. There’s a chance they may need me to start earlier, but they’re going to get back to me on that.” you said coolly. 

Dylan so desperately wanted to tell you that he wanted you to stay with him instead of a hotel if you needed to start earlier, but he knew it would come off way too forward. 

“Well, looks like you have to start planning out your move here! I can totally help you with finding a place. I know of some nice apartments and condos that are opening soon near your work.” he offered.

“That would be perfect, I’m sure you know way more about this stuff than I do, seeing that you own this amazing freaking mansion.” you stated jokingly.

Dylan rolled his eyes, “It’s not a mansion!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, O’Brien.” you said with a wink. 

You grabbed the cup of coffee that Dylan had set out for you as he finished up breakfast. You were on cloud nine. You knew that you had an extremely high chance of getting the job, but to know that it was set in stone filled you with a mix of excitement and relief. And then you looked to your right and saw the god-like man cooking you breakfast and were in disbelief that your life had come this far in two days time. This time two days ago you were on a plane heading to LAX, nervous for your life-changing job interview, while still trying to recover from your break-up. Oh, how fast things can change.  

You were staring down at your cup of coffee as you traced your finger around the rim, deep in thought about all the amazing changes that were occurring in your life. You were brought out of your trance as Dylan sat a plate full of food in front of you. You hadn’t realized the permanent smile that was etched on your face, until Dylan called you out on it. 

“What are you smiling at?” he questioned while sitting on the stool next to you, digging into his food.

“Just happy, I guess. I never actually thought this day would come, you know? I’ve been wanting this for so long, it always seemed too out of reach.” you peacefully stated. 

“Well, it seems like you’ve worked your ass off for this for a long time now. I’d say it’s well deserved. In fact, we need to celebrate!” 

“I’m totally down for that. What did you have in mind, Dyl?” you asked as you beamed a smile at him. 

“Well, I have a few things to take care of today, but I have the perfect idea for tonight. That is, if you want to spend your third evening in a row with me.” he responded with a slight bit a hesitance, worried that you’d turn him down. 

He continued, “I’ll understand if you wanna take this day for yourself, seeing as you’ve been with me everyday since you’ve got here,” letting out a small chuckle. 

“No, no, I’d love to, Dylan. You’ve made my trip here so enjoyable, the last thing I want to do is wander through this huge city by myself. I’d much rather spend my time with you.” you spoke with reassurance as you reached out to grab his hand. You were really surprised he was wanting to take you out again, after already spending so much time with you. You also figured he’d be too busy, given his career, but you weren’t going to question it. You’d spend everyday of your trip with him if he wanted. Hell, you’d spend everyday for eternity with him if he wanted. 

He looked up at you with the most charming look of excitement, “I was hoping you’d say that.”

You and Dylan walked out to his three-car-garage, instantly taking in his collection of cars. The grey Benz from the previous night was parked on one side of the garage, next to a black Audi, which sat along side a white Range Rover. You tried to hide your astonishment at his cars, but failed when he noticed your mouth was slightly agape. 

“I’m kind of a car guy, what can I say?” he chuckled as he unlocked the doors to the Range Rover. You both hopped in and he began driving you back to your hotel, on his way into “the studio.” He explained to you that he was currently in the process of being cast in a new movie, but they were having issues working out an agreement for his pay and a bunch of legal things that even he barely understood. So he had to go into the studio for meetings almost everyday over the last few weeks. 

“So, what happens if an agreement can’t be met?” you questioned, your curiosity getting the best of you. 

“Well, if we can’t reach an agreement, I’ll either have to compromise my specifications or drop the movie.” he stated flatly.

“Wow, I can’t believe it would come actually down to that?” you asked. 

“Normally it never comes down to that. I, personally, have never lost a project due to failed negotiations. Things always seem to work out. But this time, it’s been way trickier because this movie is supposed to be kind of a big deal, and they have had just as much interest from other actors for my part. It’s been pretty stressful, honestly. I really want this part. I feel like I could portray this character so well, and really do the story justice, but it’s basically in the hands of my lawyers and managers.” he explained as he turned onto the road of your hotel. He spoke with such passion that it captivated you. You could listen to him talk about his career all day, everyday, and never be bored. He loved what he did, and you loved hearing about all of it. 

“I’m sure everything will work out okay. They’d be crazy not to do whatever they could to make sure you get the part.” you reassured him while flashing him a sincere smile. 

He pulled up to the front door of your hotel and put the white SUV in park. 

“Alright, well I guess this is where I leave you, gorgeous.” he said as he turned to look at you. 

Light pink blush began dusting over your cheeks, as you looked up at him while pushing a piece of hair behind your ear, “I guess so. Good luck with your meeting, Dyl. I’m sure it will go great.” 

“I hope you’re right. I’ll text you later on to plan out the details for tonight, sound good?” he said as he rested his head sideways on the headrest, his gaze darting between your eyes and lips. 

“Sounds perfect.” you innocently said as you slowly began to lean towards him, his lips being the only thing you could focus on. He eagerly met you half way and encapsulated your lips into his own, clutching the side of your face. The kiss only lasted for a few seconds until you both broke apart.

“I’ll talk to you later, babe.” he said sweetly with a pink hue resting on his face.

“Can’t wait, Dyl. See you later.” you said with a toothy smile as you stepped out of the Rover, heading towards the hotel lobby. You were on top of the world as you stepped foot into the elevator. The amount of happiness that this man was giving you was something you had never experienced, especially after only knowing him for two and a half days. All you wanted was to spend every second with him, learning all the small quirks about him, and hearing all his funny stories. You wanted to know it all, and you were hopeful that one day you’d be able to. The excitement and curiosity that Dylan brought out in you was exactly what you needed to push any remaining heartache from your breakup away, for good. 

Your eager thoughts were interrupted by the elevator ding, signaling that you were on your floor. You made your way down the hall and opened the door to your room, instantly falling onto the bed. Before you could begin to plan out your day, you heard your phone vibrate from your purse. You reached down to grab it and instantly smiled when you saw Dylan’s name on your screen. 

Dylan O’Brien: “Can’t wait for tonight, gorgeous. It sure as hell will be more fun than this meeting I just walked into.” 

Y/N: “Me either, handsome 😇 What do you have planned anyway?”

Dylan O’Brien: “Can’t say! But I’ll give you a hint, you already know where we’re going 😉”

Y/N: “You’re really on a roll with the surprises, aren’t you? Can I at least get an idea of what kind of outfit I should wear?”

Dylan O’Brien: “Haha definitely dress casual, nothing too fancy. Whatever you’re comfortable in, babe 😘 The meeting is about to start, so I’ll text you later on.”

Your heart fluttered at the message. You weren’t sure if you’d ever get used to his cute nicknames, and wondered when you’d finally get over yourself enough to call him anything more than “Dyl” or “handsome”. With that last message, you sat your phone on the bedside table and continued your thoughts from the elevator. While Dylan made you the happiest you had been in a what seemed like ages, you couldn’t shake the small feeling of worry that rested in the back of your mind. “What if it’s all too good to be true? What if he gets bored? What if our lives are just too different? What if his motives aren’t as pure as he’s led them on to be? What if I’m not enough? What if I get hurt again...?” These thoughts swirled around your head as you began to doze off into a much needed break from consciousness. 

Next chapter: Chapter 6

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #199

“mama, just killed a man; put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he’s dead.”

Who is the nicest person you’ve ever met? I dunno, I've truly met so many. How about the meanest? Literally my former best friend, all things considered. I too often ignored her overwhelming ratio of bad versus positive traits. She was an absolute witch when entirely unnecessary to most she met, and even to those she did like, she could be extremely rude and just. Yeah, mean. Do you prefer sugar cookies or peanut butter cookies? Hmmm, probably sugar. Chocolate chip cookies or Oreos? Chocolate chip. What is on your mouse pad? I don't have one. Who was the last person to yell at you? Mom. Why did they yell at you? I don't recall, I just know it was her. What was the last thing you spoke to your mom about? I can't remember. It was as she was leaving for work and nothing major. Where was the last place you took a train to? Never been on a train. What is your favorite sleeping position? What about sitting? Sitting, idk. But I sleep like, kinda on my stomach but twist to my side with my arms positioned up like a fetus' or something. My legs are just kinda just splayed out or bent a bit beside each other. When is the last time you felt appreciated for something you did? Had to be something with Sara when she needed some comfort. Do you ever call friends just to have a casual conversation with them? I don't willingly call anyone. I've texted/messaged friends at random though. Are you the type of person who gets straight to the point? Not really. Do you enjoy playing board games? No. Are there any movies you are wanting to see? The new How To Train Your Dragon, ahhhh! Probably gonna see it with Sara when she comes. Who was the last contact you stored into your cell phone, if you have one? Probably VR. What was the last song you sang along to? Uhhh something by Powerwolf in the shower. Are you a fan of the band Taking Back Sunday? Never heard 'em. Nachos or tacos? I hate tacos, but nachos are literally the best. Do you think Kurt Cobain was assassinated? This is a conspiracy I'm not really educated on. *shrugs* I barely ever rule shit out now after going down the conspiracy theories rabbit hole. Do you feel uncomfortable when people you hardly know confide in you? Not at all. Does it annoy you when people wish away their lives? I'm guessing you mean just wish for things instead of taking action towards achieving them? Yes, it does. Wishing isn't gonna do a damn thing for you. Have you ever lived with somebody with truly repulsive habits? No. Do you tend to say things because they’re appropriate not because you mean them? No. I've probably done it, but not enough to recall an occasion. What was the last thing to perplex you? Some conspiracy theory in Shane Dawson's new series I thought was pretty far-fetched. I've already forgotten it. What was the last thing to fascinate you? Another theory in the same series mentioned above lol. It was about the fires in California. Do you ever have really good dreams, and then the whole next day, you’re in a really good mood because of that really good dream? No. What’s the last thing you bought at the mall? A book. What are you listening to? "Fire & Forgive" by Powerwolf. Have you ever wanted to go to the moon? Not really. Is your favorite author the author of your favorite book? No. What are you looking forward to the most? Settling down comfortably with Sara with nice jobs, pets we love, a house we feel is perfect for us, and just. Yeah, all of that. ;v; What’s the last CD you bought? I haven't bought one since Hollywood Undead's "Swan Songs." Is that your favorite cd by that artist? I'm not too familiar with their albums, but I think? What food do you eat the most of? Idk, really. Meats? Some form of bread? What food do you not eat enough of? Vegetables. If you HAD to look like someone else, but could choose who, who would you choose? Probably Suzy Hanson. I'm gay as all fuck hell for that sweetheart. What’s something you’re proud of yourself for? DEDICATING TO THE PROCESS OF RECOVERY. Think of your favorite band… if you got to talk to ONE person from that band, who would it be, and why them? Ozzy because he is my granddad, savior, and most importantly, spirit animal. Have you ever seen someone get a tattoo done? If so, what was it? Did they cry or were they in a lot of pain? Yeah; it was a watercolor feather with "ohana" written on it. She didn't cry, nor was it excruciating. What do you like on hot dogs? Ketchup and mustard. Favorite sport team? I'm biased towards the Carolina Hurricanes because of Dad. Do you live somewhere where it’s completely safe to walk alone at night? No. Have you ever lived with someone who was a total slob? Yup. Have you ever interviewed a job applicant at your workplace? N/A Have you ever gone over 3 months without shaving/waxing your legs? Yeah, or close to it. Would you ever consider being a foster parent? No. What’s your opinion on lottery tickets? Waste of money, or no? A waste and a risk for addiction. What are some things that make others cry, that don’t make you cry at all? Well, this is hard. I cry at pretty much anything moving. Have you ever swam in a saltwater pool? No. Can you run in heels? I highly doubt that. My balance is bad as it is. Do you think anyone has given up on you? I'm sure Colleen has. When did you last swallow your beliefs to avoid an argument or confrontation? Today, but literally most days on FB anyway with my stepmother and abortion. Do you pay your own cellphone bill, or do your parents pay it for you? Dad pays it. Have you seen every Harry Potter movie in theaters? No. Have you ever been pregnant? No. Would you ever drive a hearse for your car? Fuck yeah I would if I could decorate it some. What snacks do you usually take to the beach with you? I haven't gone to the beach consistently enough to known. Do you like to eat tomato soup along with your grilled cheese? No. Have you ever watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer? No. Do you have thick or thin hair? Thick as all fuck. If you have thick hair, do you get it thinned when you get it cut? I get it like, tapered so the ends aren't so abrupt. If you have thin hair, do you wish it were thick? N/A What kind of shoes do you normally purchase? Converse or Vans. Did you like Pokemon or Digimon when you were younger? Pokemon was and still is everything. Do you sleep with your hair up or down? It's too short to go up, but I didn't when it was long. When you go swimming, do you put your hair up or down? ^ Do you do any special workouts to stay in shape? I've started doing some yoga exercises and push-ups everyday to try to get IN shape. If you’re a girl, do you have big hips? Too big? I'd say they're fine. Is there a day you’d just like to forget? Which one? The day I ODed. Girls, do you think you look good in dresses or not? I haven't worn a dress since my sister's wedding three years ago... and I looked awful. Have you ever taken a pottery class before? No. What is the one stereotype people label you as most? Don't really hear those nowadays. Who makes you the most angry in your life right now? My last fucking school. How many times have you seen Star Wars? Be honest. Literally once, and I hated it. It was incredibly uninteresting. Do you like flowers? What’s your favorite kind? YEAH. I love orchids and dahlias. How many grades have you failed in your life? None. Do you own a car? Who provides your insurance if so? No. Are you someone who can easily keep a secret? Yup. When was the last time you painted something? December, a painting for Sara. Who was the last female you hung out with? My mom. When is the next time you’re going on vacation? Hell if I know. Are you currently renting out your own apartment? No. Have you taken anyone’s virginity? No. Have you ever had anyone drop off animals at your house and what kind? No. Have you ever made your boy/girlfriend choose between you and someone else? No. Do you remember when some of the Walmarts had a McDonald’s in them? Our neighboring town still has one. When was the last time you were somewhere that offered free Wi-Fi? I dunno. What color are your curtains and are you satisfied with this color? Maroon, and yes. When was the last time you were stung by a bee and what kind was it? Last year by a bumblebee. Do you know anyone personally who had their house burn down before? Yes. What’s your favorite kind of potato chip and are they cheap to buy? Hm. Maybe classic... or cool ranch. Who was the last male you hung out with? My dad. Are you self-conscious? You have no idea. Do you tend to get sick more often in the wintertime? If not, is there a certain season that you get sick more often in besides winter? No. I rarely ever get sick. Do you find yourself being more of a germaphobe when you’re in public? Uh, duh. What is the worst thing you’ve seen in a public restroom? Blood under the seat. And I mean quite a bit. I usually check under them now after that event with Colleen. Nerdy question time. If you were in a more medieval time period, would you prefer to excel in might, magic, or finesse? MAGIC. Do you have an friends from foreign countries? Are they online friends or foreign exchange students? Or perhaps you have some from both? Online friends. Have you ever studied how your last name originated? Yeah. What is one recipe that you would like to learn how to make? Hell, a lot. I need to know how to cook period. How many hours can you go after a meal before you are hungry again? Does the time vary off how big of a meal it was? Depends on what I ate. Can be like... 4-5 hours or I can fast and go beyond 16. Really varies. What was your favorite Backstreet Boys song? HUNNY don't DO THIS. Oh Lord. I really don't think I can pick. I know back then it was "The Call," though. Favorite *N Sync song? Probably "Bye Bye Bye." Which of those two bands did you like best? Backstreet Boys. *heart eyes drool emoji* Do you learn choreography easily? I was okay back in dance, but I doubt it now. My memory and focus have declined. What is the theme of this year’s wall calendar? Idk, Mom hasn't changed it yet. Do you believe that Jesus will come back in your lifetime? I don't believe that concept. Do you still have your favorite toy from when you were kid? Apparently no; asked Mom recently outta curiosity, and I was VERY surprised. I don't know how I ever could've gotten rid of him. Which do you do more: read books, spend time online, or watch television? Guess. What do you do the most when you’re online? Listen to/watch YouTube. Is your 2019 off to a good start? Eh, I suppose. What color is your winter coat? I don't have one. What’s your favorite candy to receive on Halloween? Reese's. Do you think you’re too old to go trick-or-treating? Well, according to society. Do you have a bobblehead? If yes, what does your bobblehead look like? No. Were you afraid of heights as a child? No. What’s the strangest thing you’ve wrapped a present in? Nothing odd? Can you read in the car? I don't know if I've ever done that? Have you ever had a lead role in a play? No. Would you ever take a solo road trip? Nah. What is the most fascinating part of nature? Shit dude, idk. There's so much. Evolution, maybe. When did you last go to the library? What book(s) did you check out? Couldn't tell ya. Have you ever gotten in trouble for running up your phone bill? Nope. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I don't plan to any time soon. Do people normally say you’re a fast typer, or are you rather slow? Very fast. Do you believe in the concept of global warming? It's 2019. "Concept" my ass. Have you ever worked in retail? Never again. Are you even a little bit racist? No. Were you more fond of swings, monkey bars, or seesaws as a child? Swings. Do you believe in a near-future apocalyptic event? We can't predict that. A meteor could fuck us tonight, or the supervolcano in Yellowstone could erupt the next time I blink. May not be for thousands of years. Do you have a chandelier in your home? No. Do you have a bar with stools? No. Don’t you love American Horror Story: Asylum? I didn't watch it. When’s the last time you blew some bubbles? No clue. Are you self conscious about your nails? Not too much. Which pair of pants that you own are your favorites? Why do you like them? Pretty much all I have are yoga pants and leggings that all look the same... Now if I can include pj pants, the soft, black, white, and lilac Jack Skellington ones I have. They're comfy. Have you ever had any kind of dangerous addiction? What’s this addiction? No. Are your parents still married, divorced, or split up? Like this decision? Divorced. And I mean, any person would wish their parents were together ideally, but just with how mine always fought and just constantly seemed angry at each other, I'm glad they are. Are you a Jeffree Star fan? Or no? Do you think he’s awesome/dumb? I love that alien. His personality is so bubbly, he cracks me the hell up, and he's gone through so much growth. Are any of your favorite shows too dirty for television? Which ones? No. Are there any colorful quilts in your room? Which ones are colorful? No. Do you own a guitar? Specify. Which brand of guitar do you own? I do, but I don't recall the brand; I don't play it anymore. I just know it's black and white. Are you a monogamous person? Or do you hate commitment? Monogamous. Who was the last person who was rude to you? Idk, probably Mom. Have you ever met someone in person that you first met online? Yeah. Have you ever taken a test to see if you are colorblind? No. Who do you know who is dyslexic? Idk. Describe your dream wedding in five words. Small, memorable, gothic, emotional, and sincere are a few words I can think of. Is weed legal in your state? No. Have you ever thrown up in class? In kindergarten, I believe. What is something that you used to be ashamed of, but now you’re not? Mmmmm I dunno. OH ACTUALLY, for quite a while I was embarrassed of liking Pokemon for yeeeaaars because at that time it was seen as "weird," but now like. Give me everything Pokemon. Have you ever held a newborn baby? No. Are a ton of your Facebook friends getting married and having kids now? Yes. I sometimes forget we're at that age where it's kinda normal. What’s the last supernatural thing that happened to you? Idk. If you’re a Christian, how long have you known the Lord? N/A Do you live in an apartment, condo, dorm, or house? A house. Do you have a sibling with the same first initial as you? Well, it's his nickname. Do you ever eat kids’ food (as in, meals made for kids)? Hell yeah, give me that fuckin nachos Lunchable. Do you remember pre-school? I have vague memories. How old were you when you made your first friend? Two. What is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? The Incredibles 2, probably. What is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “That book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)? It's game over if you recognize my Markiplier tattoo lmao. Do you refer to yourself by any sort of fan nickname (Belieber, Little Monster, etc.)? I will always be a GMM mythical beast, fucking fight me. What sort of situations make you feel most self-conscious or inadequate? Are there any people or places that just make you want to crawl into a hole? If you can’t think of anything specific, can you remember the last time (or any time) you felt this way? When I'm in a position where it's my responsibility to be knowledgeable, hence why I've struggled so immensely with work. Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? I use Ozzkat like, everywhere, and it's my fave. Are there any cities near you that you’re afraid to go to because of the crime rate or its other bad reputations? Yes. Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? Ha, yeah. Can you remember the last thing you thought and subsequently thought, “wow, I really shouldn’t be thinking that”? PTSD and OCD alike give me intrusive thoughts occasionally, so. How long does it take you in the morning to fix your hair? It takes just a few seconds to wet my hand(s) and go over the back where it usually sticks up like crazy. My hair is otherwise short enough where I have to do like... nothing. Have you ever been in a situation where you had to be around your ex everyday? No. Do you prefer kisses on the nose, cheek or forehead? Cheek. Have you seen someone recently you used to talk to, but don’t anymore? No. Do you prefer a lot of ice in your drinks or just a little bit of ice? None. I don't like it to water down my drink, and even with water, I worry about one/some small ones going down my throat. Well, in margaritas it's obviously fine, just because it's so fine. Which condiment (ketchup, mustard, etc.) do you use the most of? Ketchup or honey mustard. Would you ever flirt with somebody in front of your parents? With my s/o, sure, just not if it's even mildly sexual. Have your parents ever questioned your virginity? Yeah. Have you ever spent over $100.00 on an article of clothing? What was it? FUCK no. Do you think your parents know things about you that you don’t want them to? Mom might. I doubt Dad does. How many of your friends play World of Warcraft? I think Sam still does, maybe Alex, and then I have a number of acquaintances exclusive to the game. Actually Girt might too... maybe. I just know he keeps up with the lore. Are caterpillars more cute or disgusting? CUTE. Would you rather receive roses or sunflowers? I'd appreciate either, but I prefer roses as flowers. Is your dad bald? No. Surprised honestly; he's in his mid-50s, and while it's gray, there's no less of it than there's always been. Who is the most boring or dullest person that you know of? Uhhhhhhhh I dunno. How long do you have until your birthday? Three days y e e t Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. Do you remember the name of the first bar you ever went to? Never been to one. Were you of age? N/A When was the last time you wanted to do something, but couldn’t? With how Sara's been such a flirt lately, I deadass wanna pin her to a wall and go ham. Is there a certain song you like to headbang to? I don't for the sake of avoiding a headache and getting dizzy. Anything you might be giving up on soon? In the back of my mind, every once in a while lately, my hope's dimmed for photography, but I just refuse to give up. Have you ever made any kind of video? Yeah. Have you ever taken someone back after they’ve cheated? Hell no. How many living grandparents do you still have? One. Is there a garage or carport attached to your house? No. Have you ever stayed in a hotel without your parents or older relatives? No.

[allfandomxreader]

The Interview pt. 4

Pairings: Joe Keery x Reader Words: 1,790 Summary: Joe takes you on your first date but it doesn’t go quite as planned. Warnings: Swearing A/N: The end is near!! I’m so excited for the next part. After this I’ll be starting a new Joe series I think you all will like but I’ll go into more detail about that later! Part: 4/5

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 5

I stand in front of the mirror combing ferociously through my hair with my fingers. Nerves bounce my leg as I run more product through the long locks. My heart pounds for unknown reasons thinking about the day ahead. I slowly take deep breaths, I haven’t been this nervous since I was standing outside Y/N’s door pouring my heart out. I will never understand how she has this much of an effect on me.

I remove the new suit from the small closet and slip into it, slightly rolling up the cuffs at the bottom of the dress shirt. I check my appearance one last time before exiting the cramped hotel room and down the hall towards Y/N’s. I rap my knuckles against the cool wood door, I can hear her shuffling in her room as she scurries to answer. When the door slowly opens Y/N finally comes into view, instantly putting the jitters at ease. She offers me a warm smile opening the door more, exposing her gorgeous dress that nearly touched the floor. I’m too in awe to speak as I take her all in.

“Earth to Joe,” She giggles, pulling my head out of the clouds. I clear my throat offering the beautiful lady my hand, hers is warm as she slips it into mine. I lean forward, gently pressing my lips to hers, the sweet kiss ends after a few moments with her hands softly pushing me out the door.

The summer air is warm as we make our way towards the parked car. I open Y/N’s door, beating the chauffeur to it. I pass him a scribbled piece of paper with the location, not wanting to give any hints to where I was taking Y/N on our first legitimate date.

Throughout the ride, Y/N begs me to tell her what I had in store for the night. It almost broke me not to tell her, it was hard enough not to tell her for the past couple of weeks, now that the night is here it’s almost impossible to keep my lips sealed. She gives up after the seventh time, content with the element of surprise.

We step out onto the sidewalk as the car speeds away, back into the late-night traffic. Her heels click against the cement as we make our way towards the grand doors of the most elite restaurant in the city. She glances over to me, eyebrows raised, impressed that I was able to pull such a thing off without her knowing.

Laughter from strangers fill the building, everyone holds quiet conversations while waiters chat between tables offering champagne to the customers. Everyone is in tuxes and long dresses, even though the two of us fit the dress code, we still feel out of place. “Reservation for Keery, eight o’clock,” I say to the old man hosting. He peers over his nose at the book in front of him before glancing back up at me.

“Sorry, Mr. Keery, but it seems like your reservation has been given away,” The man waves his wrinkly hand towards the filled tables in the restaurant, making it clear that were no available seats.

“Excuse me?” I sputter in disbelief, my fingers curl into fists as anger wells inside me.

“Sir, you’re supposed to be here fifteen minutes before your reservation time,” He glances at the elegant watch wrapped around his wrist, “It is eight ten.”

“Please, there must be something you can do. I booked this reservation weeks ago!” The man offers a disinterested wave.

“I’ve heard it all before. If you can’t comply with our regulations, don’t come!” His voice raises, looking past me to greet new guests.

“Look, you don’t understand. I really need this night to be perfect, is there something we can work out?” I fish the wallet from my suit jacket, flicking through bills to offer him.

“Sir! Do you think I can be bribed?” His tone is baffled as he stares at me in horror. Soft hands wrap around my arm pulling me away from the situation.

“Joe, it’s okay, we can go somewhere else,” She whispers defusing the situation, “To hell with this place, we’ll go somewhere better.” She tugs me away from the front table and back towards the door.

“That’s highly unlikely,” The old man mumbles under his breath, just loud enough for us to hear.

“Oh fuck off,” Y/N throws the insult over her shoulder earning gasps from the uppity people.

We stand just outside the exquisite doors of the restaurant, I groan in frustration, harshly running my fingers through my hair pulling a few strands out of their follicles. “Joe, really, it’s okay. Why are you so upset?” She rests her palm on my shoulder, slowly running her finger over the fabric of my suit.

“I just wanted this night to be perfect,” I admit in defeat, “Tonight was supposed to be about us, about going public with our relationship. I picked the best restaurant in the city -there was even going to be live music- and now it’s just all ruined.”

“Tonight is about us. We don’t need a posh restaurant to have a great night, I’m sorry your plans got ruined but that doesn't mean our night has to be. The place doesn’t matter, the food doesn’t matter,” She pauses, a light shade of pink blossoms onto her cheeks, “To be honest, we could have dinner at McDonald’s and the night would still be amazing and that’s because I’m with you, Joe Keery, the man I fell in love with months ago. No snobby host is going to change that our how we spend our night. Don’t give him that satisfaction.”

My hands grasp her cheeks and pull her into me, she kisses me back immediately, her arms wrap around my neck as we share the passionate moment. Never in my life have I experienced a love like the one she gives me. I often forget how lucky I really am to call her mine, moments like these are what remind me how fortunate I truly am.

Several minutes later she sits across from me in the grimy booth, a twenty piece nugget box sits in the middle of us on a tray full of fries. She tries to tell me what silly thing happened between Natalia during their filming today, she could barely get through the first four sentences before bursting into laughter. I can’t help smile at the cheerful woman before me. Tears slowly leak from her eyes as she continues with the story, I can’t make out half the words she says but I laugh along anyway.

“You had to be there, it was just really funny,” She sighs wiping the last of her tears away before shoving a handful of fries into her mouth. Our hands reach to grab more nuggets, our greasy fingers bump into each other, both of us reaching for the last nugget. The boyfriend in me wanted to tell her to take it, however, the best friend Joe wasn’t giving up that easily.

“Rock, paper, scissors?” I propose already getting my hands ready for the game. Y/N’s eyes squint together, eyeballing me as she brings her own hands close to mine. We slap our fists against our palms in an intense stare-off. Just as I slam my final position -rock- she slams down paper. She triumphantly plucks the nugget from the cardboard and plops it into her mouth with a grin. “Let’s get out of there, the nights still young.”

We stroll in the darkness of the night. The sun went down hours ago but our date lives on. Y/N pulls me by the hand towards a vendor selling ice cream, she pleads with her eyes for a moment before I pull out my wallet. She cheers picking out her desired flavor as I do the same.

We find ourselves sitting on a park bench finishing off the sweet dessert after the long stroll. Her head leans lazily on my shoulder as she watches geese frolic in the pond. “I told you tonight would be amazing.” She sighs, snuggling closer into the crook of my neck.

“Yeah,” I chuckle quietly, “You did.” I kiss her temple before she quickly pops her head up from our relaxed position.

“Bet I can race you to that tree,” She stands abruptly, offering me her hand to take.

“What?” I say, placing my hand in hers before she yanks me up.

“That tree,” She points to the large oak that stands at the bottom of the hill, “I bet I can race you there and back,” She brings her feet up to her hands as she disregards her heels under the park bench, I open my mouth to protest but she beats me to the words. “Come on it’ll be fun!”

Without saying a word, I turn from her to face the tree. Bending my legs to try to build momentum. She wads the red fabric into a fist as she follows my lead. She screams “Go!” so loud the geese flutter a few feet away. The two of us bolt down the hill as fast as our legs could carry us. She rounds the tree first but as she makes her way up the hill she loses speed rapidly. I quickly pass her, my shoes slide in the mud as I come to the top of the hill in first place. I raise my fists into the air, doing the cliche Rocky pose. She appears moments later, panting. Her hair is a mess, a few strands cling to her forehead due to the light sweat. She grins when she locks eyes with me, laughing at our childish ways.

“Oh, your dress,” I say, motioning to the very bottom of her dress that’s now tattered and covered in mud, Y/N seems as if she could care less.

“Worth it,” She shrugs, slowly walking into my arms. We hold each other in a warm embrace as our heartbeats return to their normal speeds. Somewhere in the distance, camera clicking can be heard --no doubt by the paparazzi. She peers up at me, beaming. Inch by inch our lips get closer until I close the distance. Gradually, more cameras begin to click and flash, it feels as if the world has been lifted off my shoulders. Neither of us had to hide such a big part of our lives anymore, who would’ve thought the relief that would bring.

Tags:  @acciohermionejg @empatheric-vibrations @artisticales @uncle-jjezzy @superfrankie111 @brunetteinblack @keely-ansell @moonlightbae14  @stevieboyharrington @thechandlerbingdance @pls-makeupyourmind  @leonieandellie  @messybl0g @itsluzymeh

[chimaeracabra]

(NSFW ahead)

Nick offered to give me the $11 I was complaining about paying if I want to get the electronic version of my diploma. I hugged him and wanted to cry. I refused the money anyway. I’m going to just add it to the things my dad should give me money for (he asked me earlier this week to take me out to lunch or dinner to celebrate finishing my thesis and getting my degree. He also said he would give me more money at the time to pay the remainder of my grad school bill). Nick said, “I want my money to be your money.” I told him that I appreciate that, but I feel badly about him spending a lot of money on me (whenever I go to see him, he takes me out to eat, or we order food that gets delivered). Actually, I shouldn’t feel badly because I drive to him almost every time we hang out (and that’s mainly because of wanting privacy talking to him and for sex. I can’t do that at home in my mom’s house). He got us Chipotle. I had a delicious veggie burrito.

Sigh. He really is so amazing to me. He bought me a coffee when I went to his apartment a few days ago to spend time with him in the morning before he went to work. And he doesn’t even drink coffee, but he knows I like it with almond milk. He said, “I made sure you can have it!” since milk and dairy are a no-no for me.

We went to his improv group in the park in Cambridge. I went with him one other time before like 2 weeks ago. The people are really friendly, and I actually participated a little bit. One of them found a random dog, who was SUCH a sweetie! And some of the people in the group were trying to find its owner. It was on leash, looked well taken care of, and she just happened to come up to one of Nick’s friends as though she were asking for help. His friend said the dog just approached him and “booped” his knee and laid its head there :3 Not long after we left, Nick got a text saying they found the owner.

 I told Nathan that I feel badly about having met someone. He kept saying he thinks it’s a rebound, that we could have worked things out, etc. I told him many times that it is absolutely NOT a rebound…he asked me to respectfully unfriend his immediate family. So, I did. He also asked me to block him because he thinks there will be times when he is weak and angry and try to reach out to me. So, I blocked him. I am not going to allow myself to feel badly about him anymore. I absolutely TRIED to make that relationship work, SO hard. I communicated my needs to him from the get go. I PLEADED with Nathan to communicate better at times, and many of those times, he chose not to. So, I didn’t ruin this, he did. I’m just not going to allow myself to feel like I did something wrong when I absolutely didn’t.

Nick keeps being very, very communicative. It’s absolutely amazing. He keeps telling me not to say “sorry,” just a weird habit that I have. I guess I say it a lot over little things…very NSFW ahead…

 He literally texts himself to remind himself of positions he wants to try to get me off (he showed me that because I went into a text thread of porn I like that I send to myself and he saw and wanted to know what it was. Lmfao.) I can’t get over how well versed in the female body he is. I’m going to shamelessly say that I squirted tonight. Did not know I could do that. Nathan never liked doing many of the positions that I am finding myself really enjoying with Nick. In many ways, he and I weren’t very sexually compatible, not that that’s the most important thing to me in a relationship. I liked sex with Nathan because I was still very in love and enjoyed being close. It felt good, but often I just ended up in pain afterwards and a lot of that I think was due to his size and that he really always wanted to do positions that would get me sore pretty quickly. And I communicated to him that I was having that issue and we never really resolved it. But the sexual chemistry (and emotional chemistry) I have with Nick is mind blowing. Earth. Shattering. Orgasms. Like, wtf. It’s almost like everything I had previously does not count as sex. Nick told me that one of his sexual things is giving pleasure. It wasn’t that Nathan never tried to do that for me, but he just didn’t like the positions I liked—part of it being because of a wrist injury he had which he sustained in Iraq—and didn’t like to thrust hard and fast (but would still do it during sex to try and please me because I communicated that I like that).

Nick said he feels really good about the fact that I get off repeatedly when we have sex. Like, he’s energizer bunny or something! I think we had sex seven times tonight. He’s just able to keep getting hard. He told me that he’s a very sexual person in relationships, likes giving pleasure, and is a little dominant. Those are literally all qualities I enjoy sexually, so I’m very satisfied. I didn’t think it was possible before for me to have orgasms from PIV sex. But he just does it properly and enjoys doing it! 

He said I am the most orgasmic woman he’s ever been with. And that he can’t believe I used to have to use lots of lube with sex (I had to with Nathan. Don’t know why.) But with Nick, I get so wet it’s kind of embarrassing to me. But Nick said he likes it. 

He asked me the other day if I feel like I’m having a sexual revelation. I sure as shit do. It’s really not just the sex though, I feel safe emotionally with him. The fact that he’s a psych nurse I think is what makes him so emotionally intelligent (not that all psych nurses are like that. Have worked with enough over the past 4 years to know this!) He listens me when I talk and is always telling me that if there is something I’m not comfortable with not to hold back telling him, something I started doing when I was with Nathan because he sometimes would just be quick to get angry and I didn’t want to deal with that. Interestingly, Nick also has PTSD (he was mugged twice in the past), but I have not seen it manifest in him (yet) the way it did with Nathan at times (short temper, blowing off conversations when something was wrong, etc.)

I was talking to Nick the other day over the weekend on video chat while I was in NY about a job interview I was going to have on the 19th (the one that didn’t turn out because I don’t have the requirements they want after all) and he said something about a drug test if I did get hired, as I had gotten high with him the previous weekend. And I paused and thought about that and started googling how long marijuana might be detectable in your urine. And then he was like, “I put that worry in your head. I’m so sorry. I hope that I didn’t fuck you over. I want to look out for you.” And that just felt really good to me. He didn’t force me to try it, I wanted to try it myself. But it was nice that he thought about that and wanted to make sure he wasn’t contributing negatively to my prospects.

Nick was texting me while I was asleep (he often works 3pm-7am shifts) about a code that was called on the unit he doesn’t like working on. The police ended up coming and he said the patient causing that code almost got one of the police officer’s guns. So, he could have been killed. He explained that he wasn’t happy with how the situation was handled, and he was upset with the way things often are where patients are just kept for their insurance to run out so the hospital can profit, and that patients don’t get the right care. The charge nurse screwed him over by not completing paperwork on a new admission, so he had to stay an extra three hours. I told him earlier yesterday that he really needs to try and transfer to another, safer hospital, and he said he has to put in his year where he currently is, which will be up around March. He also said, “Let’s get really high tomorrow and fuck like crazy” xD 

I don’t get high every time we hang out, but it is actually really relaxing and fun. It makes me uninhibited, and it’s how I started having a lot of orgasms during sex, I think because of the disinhibition. Now I can have orgasms while not high because of everything Nick likes to do in terms of positions. I remember trying to get high with my friend Julie from a different program in my grad school. it never worked. Idk why. The only other time marijuana had affected me was the one time I tried edibles when I was with Nathan. But Nick has this vaporizer machine that makes water vapor from marijuana, and apparently it really concentrates the THC that way, while apparently removing some carcinogens, and that actually gets me high.

If in a few months, Nick is nothing like he is now and I’m not happy with him, I have accepted that that’s ultimately okay. Because I am a good person, I was very good to Nathan, I am good to Nick, I know that I deserve the best when it comes to a romantic partner. I do not go out of my way to hurt the people I love. And even if I end up single, I will be okay, because I am going to take care of myself, always, first and foremost. If anything, being in a relationship has REMINDED ME that BEING HAPPY BY YOURSELF FIRST, and doing the things that are going to make YOU happy, are so important, whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not! A romantic relationship is not going to fix all of your problems. I was still unhappy about feeling unsuccessful early in mine and Nathan’s relationship, until I got into my master’s program. And even throughout that, I struggled with feeling like some sort of failure, even though the entire program, I had this guy that really seemed to love me and want the best for me. So, point blank: make your-fucking-self happy, regardless of your relationship status. A boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse is only supposed to ADD TO that happiness. They should not be the sole source of your happiness, otherwise your happiness is always at the mercy of someone who can one day wake up and tell you they don’t want to be with you anymore, or whatever it is they’re gonna do that will break your heart.

[beautifulrzilience]

Law of Niatia

Good morning ya’ll! It’s a brand new day. It’s thunder storming out here in East Harlem so I am cuddled up here in my building’s lounge. I hope that life finds you well and that by this time, you have already had a good breakfast (it’s 11:26 am over here on my side of the hemisphere) and done some kind of meditation to get your morning off right. 

Niatia [Nuh-tea-uh]. It means gift from God, or according to rapper “Lil Mama” (ya’ll remember her right? My lip gloss is poppin?), “Purpose Goddess.” So you may be wondering, “What the hell is homegirl getting at?,” but I assure you that I am not [that] crazy and that I got something meaningful for ya’ll to think about today.  

So before I jump right into it, I gotta go back a little bit -back to my senior year of my undergraduate career in UC Santa Barbara (Go Gauchos!). Everything was going real well for me. I was graduating Cum Laude with honors distinction in the Sociology Department. I had already been accepted to my dream school, with a full ride at UC Berkeley for their PhD in Ethnic Studies. I was going to be published in the Ronald E. McNair Program’s book. Man! Academically I was thriving. However, within the span of 4 years of my undergraduate career, I had completely  neglected my body. I had gained significant weight for someone my height and size.  I had arrived to campus weighing 120 lbs, but by my senior year I was weighing 138 lbs! I was so focused on my academics, that I had completely neglected my physical health. My sister Miroslava (a.k.a Miros) and I would just go to fast food places and restaurants we loved and ordered whatever the hell we wanted. I mean we was graduating, so we were just living life: wild, happy, and carefree. 

When I moved to Berkeley, I decided that I was going to get my shit together. I decided to start working out, waist train, eat organic food, run at the Berkeley Marina, and have a strict eating regiment. I started seeing results quickly within the first month of my drastic life habit changes. One day, on Instagram, one of my best friends--Rony Argueta’s (shout out to him for following his dreams of playing soccer professionally) girlfriend, Daiana Diaz had posted a before and after picture of herself. And let me tell you. My jaw dropped. I don’t know what the hell she did, but she had transformed her whole body in less than a year. She looked like NOTHING I had remembered her looking like when we were at UCSB. If you don’t believe me, check it out: 

And what was her secret? Working out and eating right. She hella motivated me to keep going. I wanted to look like her, in terms of getting my body at its finest physique. Suddenly, I started seeing a shit load of my friends jumping on the getting fit train and I was loving it. It was motivating and inspiring to see my peers and my self being proactive about our health and our bodies.

Unfortunately, a year into my “Getting my body right” journey, my best friend and sister Miroslava Garcia had suddenly passed away due to stage 4 ovarian cancer. She was 23 years young. And just like that, my world turned upside down. I can’t explain to you what it’s like loosing your best friend--the person you lived with- grew up with in college- your ride or die- just be abruptly taken away from you with no real explanations. That I was depressed about her passing would be an understatement. I think for the first month, all I wanted to do was be curled up in the corner of my bed, in a little ball in my studio. My appetite had gone down. I didn’t want to see and/or talk to anybody. I felt so alone. I stopped working out. That year would only worsen. It would also be the year that I would be dismissed from my program. 

2015 would be the year that really tested my will power, strength and tenacity to bounce back from the tragic things that had and would happen to me in the following two years.

 I immediately started reapplying to graduate school, I continued to build on my relationships with mentors and faculty who had showed me support, I was working 3 jobs, and auditing a full course load at Cal. In the process of reapplying to graduate school, I cannot tell you how many people: friend’s--professors--colleagues--acquaintances-- who would tell me to take time off...to apply to lesser known programs... and/or to apply to masters programs. When I think about it, I fucking laugh. Cus you would think that at least your friends would encourage you to pursue your passion(s) and to strive for the best opportunities out there--but it’s the very people who will be the first to instill fear of you pursuing the best in whatever it is you are searching for or are striving to be.

And so here is where what I am calling the “Law of Niatia” comes into play. Even though I am talking specifically about pursing a PhD through the perspective and positionality as a young Xicana, this can apply to anything and everything. See the thing is, when you have the belief that you are a gift from God--or whatever you call your higher power--then inevitably you will have a belief that you have a higher purpose in this life. And when you come to that realization than you have to make some really important decisions in your life. And I want to say is that the most important one is-cutting off all the negative people in your life. Yes, that may mean also taking a step back from people you call friends. 

When I was hustling to get back into school, again, I was neglecting my emotional, spiritual, and physical health and well being. I mean I honestly believe I was so consumed by the pressure and urgency to get back on track to get my PhD before I turned 30, I was so caught up surviving this hurdle of my life and career. Once I submitted my applications, I began to take seriously working on my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health. 

I began and continue reading more self-help books. The new one I picked up, You are a badass: How to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life written by Jen Sincero has been giving me life. Shout out to @Daianadays for posting this on her snapchat and putting me on (you can get your own copy at Amazon for $9.80). 

In the first chapters of the book, Sincero talks about how important is to attract only positive energy, and surrounding yourself with people who motivate you. People who are pursuing their damn dreams. And I want to only be surrounded by that. I get high off of positive energy and inspiring people. It motivates me to hustle harder.

In this stage of my life, on my journey of embarking on a second attempt to obtain a PhD from another elite public university, I decided that if I really want to the mothafuckin best chingona in my field, that if I want to embody and live in my greatness, I gotta cut the people who make me feel some type of way. ANY body. Any person. Any individual. Any thing that makes me not feel my best, I am cutting them off. They have become distracting and unnecessary noise in my life. I can’t have that. I don’t want that. This time around I am doing things different. I am spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, and physically grounding myself. 

And some of you may wonder, well how the hell did you start this conversation with working out, Daiana’s transformation, your transformation, and then start talking about cutting negative people off etc.? Well see when I think about Daiana’s transformation, I have this hunch that she may have had a lot of temptations, people who perhaps doubted her, and who knows what other external and internal factors that could have impeded her amazing transformation. So what did it take for her to get to where she’s at now? I think that she had to make decisions about food, people, and the attitude she had to psychologically also train herself in order to get her physical goals. Even though we were hundreds of miles apart, I felt (and continue to feel) how her attitude and mentality has also changed. She is fucking inspiring. She stands out. When I think of her I picture bright colors. She isn’t just an accountant at a top firm in Los Angeles, California, she has also began to brand herself as a fitness guru. I don’t doubt she is going to have her own business in this regard soon enough. I love seeing my Chicanas winning. I love seeing her win.  

So for those of my fellow People of Color who are thinking about a PhD, I hope this gives you a little something to think about, as far as what you need to do in your life, in order to successfully pursue your PhD. Surround yourself by people who are smarter than you, work harder than you, are more creative than you. Don’t compare yourself to them, but see what they do that makes them great, and apply their tools to yourself and see how it makes you better. We are trained to compete with one another in life and in academia, but imagine if we actually learned from each other. Don’t be afraid to cut the people who feed you insecurity, negativity, and/or self doubt. It’ll be the best decision you can make for yourself. 

Niatia’s (aka Lil Mama) interview with Ebro in the Morning was really inspiring. She talks about this idea of living life with purpose and believing you are a gift from God. Check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfzRXRKGpFQ&t=1540s

[mrsamazingdreamer]

Anything For You

Hello there.

A/N- CEO!Jungkook, CEO!Reader

Warning- Jk and reader are married. (Has like disappointing marriage content, but i’ll improve over time hehe.) and the reader is lowkey horny.

Please enjoy.

-

His presence is just enough to make me turn myself down.

Another person, similar feeling, same name.

He’s a shadow to begin with. He’s so hot. I mean, my one night stand thoughts are on point. I feel like, I want to feel him around me. I wanna pleasure him in filthy ways and make him limp under my touch. I wanna fuck him. I want him to fuck me. From top, from back, sideways, in every way possible.

His eyes are so fucking beautiful. I wanna look at him while he fucks me from the front and when I get on top of him. I wanna stare into his galaxy like eyes when I am sucking on his cock and when he is choking me with his pride. I wanna scratch his back and leave a trail of hickeys all the way down to his V line.

I just want to fuck him. I have high temptation and lust for him. This is such a fucked up desire of mine from the moment I saw him.

I want to love him.

All I am afraid of remembering the one who broke my heart into saw dust.

The same name.

Why? I am just so alone and desperate, anything that departs from my mind, fucks me up. I don’t like this feeling of desire and the need, the fucking need to feel him inside of me.

Fuck me up, my darling, I am all yours.

I wanna talk to him. I wanna be his friend. I wanna call him up at 3 am and share a conspiracy theory.

But, I don’t wanna fall in love. I want to rise in love.

I wanna text him memes and write poems in his thoughts. I just wanna look at him do things like walk or yawn or write a little note.

Maybe because I love him.

Why? Maybe I am just too alone. -

On a typical Saturday evening I found myself curled up on my sofa listening to the sound of the thunder storm and whining rain and my dear hedgehog yawning in my lap. A hot cup of coffee and some light music was everything I needed to make myself relaxed from the activities I had been through the week. The interviews, the photo shoots, the graphic analysis, papers to sign, business trips and what not. The chaos of running an entire leading fashion magazine company was really a task to bind. I was tucked in an oversize sweater and going comfortably through the dull late afternoon. The huge glass windows were now tinted with raindrops constantly racing about.

//buzz//

3:40pm

Hey

How was your week?

🐼

I smiled at the text.

3:41pm

Meh. It was the same.

Running and screaming and signing.

3:43pm

Ow too bad.

But same. Lol.

Soooo

I clutched my heart before trying not to smile

3:44pm

So…

Lol

What

3:45pm

Wanna grab some food? 😗

With me 😗😗😗

Huuh huh 😗

I bit my lip at his cute self and smiled. Oh boy, how do I ever resist him. I thought.

3:46pm

Its raining here. 💁

3:46pm

😦 ehhhhhhhh

😥why

3:47pm

I am the one who is making it rain so that you can come over and stay here with me 🙈

I smirked at my smug reply.

3:48pm

Oh well well well

🙈🙈🙈

I’M ON MY WAY 👨

3:49pm

Omg you’re coming back?

Fuuuuck! I thought you’re joking

I’m waiting 😁

It had been almost 4 years, since I’d been interacting with this son of a hot fucking pie. This man was my everything to begin with and everything to end with.

He was a CEO of a really massive banking company. Both of us being working business individuals had a hard time interacting as often. He and I both text each other when we could and meet… In 6 months or so.

//ring ring//

I kept my hedgehog in his cage quickly and rushed to the door. My heart was beating so fast for the first time in forever. Meeting him today was certainly a stranger feeling than usual. I opened the door and was greeted with the most beautiful man fathomable to exist behind the hundreds of crimson red roses he had held in his hands.

“Mrs. Jeon… Your favorite flowers sent by your favorite person to his favorite person, delivered by your favorite person, obviously.” He tilted his head to look at me from behind those flowers as he smiled at me with his bunny teeth.

Cocky. I couldn’t help but blush deep red and look at him with a shy smile, accepting the flowers.

“Come on in, its your house.” I said scanning his figure adorned with an armani suit, stunning dark hair and his handsome self.

“Like what you see?” He teased.

“Oh shut up.” I tell him ignoring the fact that I was checking him out in his face.

“Come on y/n… You’re allowed, you know.” He smacked my ass as he walks past me toward his room to certainly change and wash up. I kept the flowers on the glass table by the door and bit my lip, feeling the area when he had smacked me on as I drowned myself into my own thoughts.

Jeon Jungkook, 25 years old, intelligent, handsome, rich, successful, eye candy and my husband of 2 years now whom I’ve met only 12 times including the one on our wedding/contracts-beneficial-for-both-our-brands.

Mentally, he’s alluring. Physically he is appealing. In reality, he was busy. But so was I.

There were a lot of hardships we have been through in these 4 years. From meeting him to getting married out of family pressure and purly business interest. Somewhere between these 4 years, I’ve learnt enough to be committed, impressed and… Live in love.

Our marriage, in context of physicals, consists of one mandatory wedding kiss, roughly 8 hand shakes, 5 hand kisses, 2 playful spanks, one goodbye hug and accidental touches.

Yes, my husband and I have certainly not been in love. But over time, I fell for him. So hard. I just came to realize it a few weeks early. I wasn’t sure, if he was too feeling the same, but I didn’t want to complain.

He is mine to call. I carry his last name. And the media knows it all. Whenever he meets me, he makes sure to take me out for a date to display a healthy relationship, perhaps also maintain it. I was happy. Despite him being so busy, he tries to keep up with our so called marriage.

I resumed my position on the couch with my pet.

“Y/N, hi.” He whispers, sitting besides me on the couch.

“Hey.” I smile back at him.

“So, how are you doing?” He drops his most frequent question.

“You see me here, I’m alive.” I mocked in my lazy tone. He suppresses his giggle at my sarcastic ass.

“Well, I’m glad. How is our little son?” He reaches to lightly pat on the hedgehog. He brought him for me for our first anniversary knowing how much I adored them and leaving a sign of himself when he’s not there. I would be lying if I couldn’t stop smiling when he said “our son”.

“He’s doing great.” I mumble.

“Y/N.” he whispers and softly hum in response.  

“This is weird… What we have.” He said looking into my eyes.

I dropped my heart when he says it. The legit thought was that he was about to say something that will break my heart, but he just completely changes it.

“Its been 2 year since we got married. And we’ve never ever, spent time together, you know, like how usually couples do.” He continues as I nod.

“I get it that its just more of a superficial thing to say, but you know, I just feel like, I want to live now and you know, I want to live with you because you’re the only one whom I call mine publicly. I want to know you, y/n. Not as a CEO but as a person.” He tells making my breathing faster. My heart was pounding ever so strongly at his kind and comforting words.

“Jungkook…” Before I could finish, he puts a finger on my lips and continues,

“I’ve decided to go on a break. From my job which is probably my only life. I don’t know Y/N. I am tired. I want to live with you as my wife and not just as a business partner and I want to see things differently. Will you help me?” He was a very confident man, but listening him break down like this was such an intense thing. Jeon Jungkook, was vulnerable and tried and I was there to witness. The tycoon was coming clean to me. I wanted to hug him and this time I didn’t want to regret the opportunity.

I removed his finger from my lips and went up closer to him and said, “Jungkook, I have seen you through growing into what you are today, and I’m glad you decided to share it with me… I want to help you, and I will. You’re my husband, I’ve vowed to do so. I’m always there for you.” I leaned into him and hugged him with all I had restrained in me. Feeling his warm body made me shudder in response. It was so comfortable to have him wrapped around me. This was the most intimate I’ve gotten with him and in that moment.

It took every fiber of my body to stop myself from kissing his soft petal like lips.

I almost jump as I feel him hugging me back and burring his face into the crook of my neck, it felt as he he had brushed his lips in the nape. But I didn’t want to complain, I just wanted to make him feel wanted.

“Y/N, I’m taking year off from my business trips. I want to be home with you. I want to cook for you and buy gifts like normal people And take you for ice cream when you crave it at 3 am. I don’t wanna text you anymore good-mornings or nights, but say that to you, face to face.” He whispers so lightly making me flip my stomach upside down. It felt almost as if he’s trying to confess something he has been holding back, all this time.

“Oh, Jungkook. I’m glad you feel that way. I’ll be more than happy to have you around you know.” I reply sniffing my tears up.

“And, don’t worry, I still will sign papers, but from home. And I want you to do the same now.” He says pouting. I pull away immediately and frown at him.

“What? Are you serious? If you don’t know, I’m the CEO of-” he presses his lips against mine. He took me by surprise and I was so shocked with my eyes wide open. I notice, his eyes are so peacefully closed and his lips were actually on mine. Instead of resisting, I started melting under his touch on my arms. I felt my eyes getting heavy and my hands running to pull him close to me. I felt his lips moving against mine and I subconscious repeated the movement. His lips softly pulling mine away which indeed was the sexiest thing in that frame. His chest was so close to me I could almost feel his heartbeat rising and falling.

This was something I dreamt about and it was happening right in front of me. Everything felt surreal, from the texture of his lips to his sweet taste to his his cologne washing me over. I was ready to accept anything from that moment on because the love of my life was touching me in the most romantic way. My amazingly sexy husband was finally kissing me. I was the luckiest woman alive in the universe. And nothing made me happier than having him around me, being happy. I reluctantly pull away and tried to steady my breath. He was still clutching onto me and looking into my eyes. I felt embarrassed on how much crimson I’ve parted on my cheeks. I licked my lips and looked at him.

“That was… That was nice.” I whispered making him smile ear to ear.

“So, you’re with me?” He asks putting his forehead against mine.  

“Anything for you, Mr. Jeon.” I breathed out a chuckle.

“You better pack up soon, Mrs. Jeon, we’re going for our honeymoon.” He winked at me, flushing me even more.

-

thanks for reading. :*

I’ll continue this for sure.

[real-retail-stories]

Untrained temps may seem cheap, but ONLY untrained temps spell disaster or; Bad Management Is International

I have worked retail in a store which is (in Belgium) sort of a Walmart, I think? You can find clothes and crafts and food and deco and whatever, and it’s all crazy cheap. A local chapter of the brand would open in a town nearby, and I applied for a job called ‘customer helper’ (I speak multiple languages and love helping people) and was accepted.

I’ll give a rather short explanation of everything that was wrong with, well, everything. Except the customers. The customers were pretty polite, especially for the circumstances.

1) The first day we were called to be there turned out to be opening day. The training in advance we were promised hadn’t happened and was procrastinated ad infinitum. The company wanted to earn back the cost of opening a new chapter store, I guess, by hiring only cheap untrained temps, bc training hours were paid and also trained temps get slightly higher pay. Maybe they thought they’d get away with it bc it was a small town and a small store. Maybe they thought that we would learn how to do our task without having to be officially trained. Who knows, but their greedy/bad management would come to bite them in the ass later.

2) We were told to be at the storefront 45 minutes before opening time. What nobody explained was that company policy said that anyone who wasn’t there BY 45 minutes before opening time wouldn’t be let in. None of the temps knew this. We were locked out for like twenty minutes, at FIVE FUCKING AM IN WINTER (nothing else was open, v sleepy town). So all the untrained temps piled in two people’s cars until we were let in. We also had to leave our stuff in our cars bc the employee room didnt have lockers for temps.

It was a newly opened store, but only two people had actually worked in that chain before. Meaning there had been two people who’d been on time. Meaning we had to get everything ready for opening in 15 minutes, all without any knowledge of what the fuck was going on, what went where and who did what. Meaning there was maybe one minute of explanation of your task per person, and then we were thrown headfirst into the opening weekend.

2) The lines at the tills were suuuuper long bc, again, no one had been trained for the till. They were understandably slow with everything, and made a lot of mistakes, and needed the two experienced people there constantly. There were also a shitload of people curious about the new store (the walmart, everything-of-ever-kind-in-one-place kind of store is not very common round here), and there were more people at once than the store was made to handle. This overpopulation of customers and underpopulation of experienced people at the tills went on for weeks. I had extreme pity for the people at the till cuz they bore the brunt of the greed/ineptitude of whoever decided hiring cheap untrained temps for all but two positions in the whole store was a good idea.

3) They set me to work doing ‘mirroring shelves’ in the clothes section (cleaning the shelves up, putting damages stuff away, placing stuff back where it belonged which is REALLY HARD TO DO when you haven’t even been in the store before). That task wasn’t even in the job description. I didn’t even know what mirroring was before they gave me that task.

I was specifically hired not for stock, or till, but for welcoming customers to the new store, telling them where they could find stuff, helping them find specific products, explaining store policies, and shit.

I hadn’t ever been in the store before, so I didn’t know my way around, and couldn’t help anyone. And if I did try to help someone I was told off for wasting time and dodging the task I was given ??? You specifically hired me as a store helper??? That’s what I was interviewed for ???

I was out of my depth constantly. There had been no training in advance beyond a pamphlet on clothing and behaviour policy, so the experienced people were running around every single minute trying to fix everything, bc there was just no time to teach us anything beyond the basics. 

Because of the uniform ( i was given a helper uniform, with the tag and everything), of course customers would ask me questions. But I couldn’t answer them because I had seen even less of the store than they had bc the supervisor put me to 'mirroring shelves’, and if I did try to help someone I was told off for not doing my job and wasting time.  

4) We had to almost physically push people out by the end of the day, and then had to clean everything bc there was no cleaning staff. This meant we had extremely long, extremely stressful hours, and we didn’t half get paid enough for it.

5) And my biggest annoyance:

I was never moved out of the clothing section and had to help people as fast as I could in between keeping my section up to standard, which was so endless and frustrating it might as well have been a punishment from zeus.

For weeks I had to throw away perfectly serviceable clothes bc opened clothing packages were counted as damaged and we weren’t allowed to sell it. We couldn’t even donate them, we HAD to throw them away. But we also weren’t allowed to hang warning signs by company policy, because that would render the store athmosphere 'less welcoming’. It’s a store with concrete floors, too bright lights, not enough employees, too many customers and no music at all. How much less welcoming could you get?!

It was just such an awful waste of decent clothes. How many people could we have helped?? How low and cheap do you have to go?!

None of these problems were solved btw. We never were officially trained for anything and just sort of did what we thought was best. Things slightly improved bc we did sorta start figuring things out eventually, but working conditions were still shitty. Every temp would eventually request not to be stationed there anymore after a month (at most) which meant new temps had to be hired, who were clueless, and were never trained, and were always overworked bc the store was always short on people, and they would quit eventually. And so it started again. I dropped out after like, three weeks.

Of course, the constantly clueless employees led to long lines and a chaotic store and many complaints and very few customers returned once the novelty died out. It was a small town, and there were much nicer stores. The price difference just wasn’t worth the awful shopping experience. The store shut down after less than a year. Served them right!

tldr; never underestimate the power of enough experienced people, don’t take shortcuts (definitely not on opening weekend), greedy/inept management is international

[tiredlazyanddumb]

Okay, this is the third time I’ve written this first sentence and hopefully I can get the words right this time. I am anxious. I don’t know exactly what the problem is, just that the symptom is there. I am feeling very antsy and I’m having a really hard time calming down about it all. I would take some THC pills if I didn’t have to be awake early (and if they hit me quicker). Anyways, I don’t know where this feeling came from or when it really starting creeping up on me, but I’m having trouble shaking it. Maybe if I write about some stuff, the anxiety that goes along with them will sort itself out. Also, this will be a very off the cuff entry, not much forethought going into this one. 

Absolute first thing that comes to mind is work. The last day I worked was in April of this god awful year 2020. It was a Tuesday or Wednesday and we were one of the last stores to close in the mall that I worked at. After that, nothing and then I got released due to Covid-19. Fast forward to today, September 16, 2020, a full 5 months since my last worked day, and I haven’t worked a day since. This was somewhat planned, but also not. I planned to not work until the CERB payments came to an end, which was the beginning of September, but I started applying for jobs in August, so I could get into something and have it going before school got into full-swing. Here I am though, dozens and dozens of applications sent out, and only 2 interviews, with no offers. I am applying to anything that could sustain the level of income that I require, and only really ignoring the positions that wouldn’t even make sense for me to take (think of a part-time sales associate or lot attendant). Turns out everyone is looking for work as well, and it is so fucking difficult out there to stand out. I’m going to keep applying, but it is really pushing me to the edge. For October, if I don’t find work I’ll be put into the EI program and receive some income per week, but again, not ideal and also not enough money. Right now I”m kind of stuck. Not much money left before October and it’s only about halfway through the month, and everything is just piling up. I hate this cycle and I wish I could just disappear from it all. I can’t though, but god I wish I could. All I can do is keep selling off my shit, and applying to anything I can get. 

Second thing that comes to mind is this fucking fat ass belly and body of mine. I’m so fucking disgusting to look at, I’m glad no one really saw me without a shirt this Summer. I’m revolting, and I just giggle like a walking piece of Jell-O. I hate it with all my heart, but nothing changes. A lot of that is on me. I’m not working out hard enough, running long enough, or cooking my meals like I should be. I am not eating as much though, and I’m staying away from fast food and sugary stuff as much as I can. My ex mentioned it could be my stress that is causing the weight gain, or rather, the struggle with losing any of it. She could be right, I’m pretty much stressed all the time except when I’m sleeping. It’s something I’ve never had to grapple with either, I was never a fat kid or anything like that. But seeing my body now just makes me want to gag and cut it all off. I kind of see why my first girlfriend self-harmed because of how she thought her body looked and how she thought she was fat even though she was severely underweight. Look at me, hating my body when it isn’t even that bad in the grand scheme of things. To me though, all I see is stretching skin holding in disgusting fat and I want it out any way I can, no matter what it does to me or the consequences are. 

I’m pretty tired now, it’s almost 4 AM and I have to be up around 6-7 to film a video before class starts (what kind of instructor makes us create a introduction video for ourselves??). I can’t really think of anything else that’s stressing me outside the other normal stuff, especially school and the fear and sadness that whole situation carries. Maybe I’ll write about it after my classes tomorrow. Anyways, I hope I have a good dream like I did last night, that’d be a cool way for my subconscious to say “hey bro, don’t worry, it’s gonna be OK”. 

Anyways, ‘till next time.

[bethanyhaynes]

Interviews

HARRIET

When did you first use social media & for what purpose?

I wasn’t allowed Facebook until I was 15 so by that time I was interested in what all of the fuss was about.

Have you seen a change in social media usage in your lifetime?

People have definitely started to use it more. A housemate of mine goes and sees his friends and they catch up for 10 mins and then spend the rest of the time together sat on their phones in silence.

Have you ever been directly impacted by social media positively or negatively? (E.g cyber bullying or social media perks such as being paid for something)

Not really but it’s definitely impacted the choices I make in life. I probably wouldn’t be vegan if it weren’t for instagram but I also wouldn’t have issues about the way I look.

Do you think social media has made you view the world differently? How?

It’s made me realise that the world has two dimensions. The ‘real’ one and the social media one. These dimensions are so vastly different but we struggle to tell them apart. Social media portrays the best part of someone’s life because that’s all they show, we seem to think that this is true in the real world and we fail to understand that these people we are looking at are in fact like us and have the same struggles.

People are coming out and talking about this more openly now which is good, but unless you cut off all ties with this fake world, you will always be under the impression you’re alone and not as good as the ‘perfect’ version of that person on your screen.

Do you think social media is detrimental to mental health? Yourself and others?

Yes and no. It has effected my mental health a lot in the past in terms of my struggle with body image and body positivity. I would follow these Victoria secret model types of people and constantly feel bad about being me to the point where I would only eat if I felt like I was going to pass out just to get as skinny as them.

Fast forward to now where I only follow influencers who are a bit chunky around the edges and have stretch marks have shit one night stands but instead of hiding that to seem perfect to everyone else, they celebrate it allowing me to celebrate myself too. Yesterday I ate 5 crumpets AFTER my actual dinner because I wanted to and why the fuck not.

I think it’s detrimental to your mental health if you don’t follow the right things to keep your head above water.

Have you ever had a social media cleanse? Deleted social media/ gone off grid?

I have tried several times but always felt like I was missing out on things. It’s nice not to go on it but you also feel like your missing a left arm. It’s so weird. Social media takes up so much time that when you don’t go on it, you have no idea what to do with yourself.

How do you think life would be different without social media?

I think it would be simpler but also more lonely. It’s not something we need, but seeing what your friends are up to, especially in the current climate, is kind of liberating.

One thing you would say to someone struggling with there mental health due to what they see on social media?

Unfollow everything that doesn’t make you feel good or plays on an insecurity you have, then follow loads of the opposite. E.g. if seeing meat come up on your timeline makes you feel bad because you’re trying to be vegan then unfollow it all and follow vegan things. Get inspired and learn how to create the same food with less of an environmental impact.

BAYLEY

When did you first use social media and for what purpose?

1. i’d say i started using it around 2010 with Facebook, honestly using it back then because it was the cool thing to do & made me feel older/more grown up.

Have you seen a change in social media usage in your lifetime?

2. Yes social media is massive now compared to what it was, people build big careers out of it now.

Have you ever been directly impacted by social media positively or negatively? (E.g cyber bullying or social media perks such as being paid for something)

3. Luckily no negatives so far but it has allowed me to connect with people who i wouldn’t of been able to normally, i’ve met many friends through groups based around clothing and even transferred that friendship over to real life.

Do you think social media has made you view the world differently? How?

4. Yes definitely it’s made me realise everything off line is so much realer & authentic, its also gave me a perspective of whats going on around the world which i guess is a positive.

Do you think social media is detrimental to mental health? Yourself and others?

5. For sure i know loads of people who get upset over like counts etc & how they look online but i guess that has affected us all at some point.

Have you ever had a social media cleanse? Deleted social media/ gone off grid?

6. Yes i delete my stuff all the time, i personally only use instagram but i have a small side account with only 12 followers where i post, i hate the thought of a few hundred people seeing everything, i like to keep myself to myself & always delete stuff fast.

How do you think life would be different without social media?

i think without it the world would be much slower paced because i genuinely believe it’s a positive thing to have, we as people just have to focus on not letting it rule our lives too much.  

One thing you would say to someone struggling with there mental health due to what they see on social media?

Social media is all fake, it doesn’t reflect real lives do not beat yourself up over it & if you’re having a hard time coping with it all remember to step away and focus on the positives in life

LIAM

1) I think when I was about 10/11 it was facebook / msn to chat to my friends

2) yes definitely before it was more just to connect but now it’s more to show off, get good content and all very much focused on looks

3) I went on a TV show and got really bad hate on twitter lol

4) I think everyone is so invested in social media and it’s a big part of everyday life’s, it’s some people’s full time job

5) not me personally but yes, it can put people down if they feel they don’t look a certain way, or can’t afford certain items they see on social media and if there life is different to others it definitely impacts their mental health

6) nope lol I need too

7) I don’t think people would care so much about the latest trends or getting that perfect picture or too bothered about looking Instagram perfect they would be happy within themselves

8) I would say Instagram is a fake life, and it’s a front that everyone puts up and everyone’s life’s are completely different behind the screen

ROSIE

I first started using social media at the meer age of nine it seems by the dates of my Facebook account, originally to connect with friends outside of school and it seemed I enjoyed to share how I was feeling and what it was I was doing. The innocence of what used to be definitely doesn’t exist in this world anymore.

There has undoubtedly been a massive shift in social media and its purpose, in recent years there has been a growth in influencers and Instagram for example became a platform for advertisement and supremacy really.

I can gratefully say I have never been directly impacted by cyber bullying but truthfully I believe social media has definitely negatively had an effect on me purely due to comparison, I have grown to realise that this doesn’t matter and everything presented online isn’t at all the truth.

As there is no escaping this world that is so heavily influenced and controlled by social media it would be wrong to say it doesn’t have an effect on how I view everything. Even if I personally disconnect from social media, everybody around me uses it and is thoroughly impacted. I believe if we didn’t have social media we could be more connected as a species and to nature, to going outside and seeing people physically opposed to every so often messaging them. I believe there wouldn’t be so much pressure to look a certain way but I wouldn’t know a world without this because from a young age this started to become prominent.

I believe social media is detrimental to mental health, there is no filter to what we come across and this may trigger harmful emotions or even kickstart something that wasn’t originally there; for example when I was 15 a highly influential age I started to develop an eating disorder which still lays in my mind today, this is due to the access of social media.

I once tried to delete Instagram and in all honesty grew to be bored without it. I did lose my phone for a while and kept without one so my access was limited and to be honest I really enjoyed that time, once I got my phone back I found to be on it all the time opening and closing the same 2 apps constantly, I wondered what I’d been doing for the past month without it. It does feel good to not be on it and if I were to ever do it again it would be in my interest to take up new things to fill this time I am so effortlessly wasting.

Life would be completely different without social media, I have a younger 14 year old sister and her generations lack of interest for anything else is unbelievable. I believe life would be a much more positive place.

I would say, social media doesn’t have to be a negative space for you, if you rid everything that is making you feel a certain way and replace it with educational or positive posts/ influences you could possibly see a change in your mental state. To know that everything presented isn’t going to be accurate to real life and change your perspective on how you view these things. If you can’t get yourself off it, change how view it and use it. Also know that there are also so many  likeminded individuals.

BETH

When did you first use social media & for what purpose?

My cousin created it facebook for me when I was 11. At first I used it for games, then moved on to using Snapchat and insta to keep in touch with people when I left school. Now I tend not to use social media unless towards my career.

Have you seen a change in social media usage in your lifetime?

Yes. It’s gone from gaming to messaging to trying to build a following to sell products. For instance at the moment I’m planning to use it to get people to go to fitness classes I’m running. I also tend to scroll through other peoples posts just to stay up to date even if I don’t talk to those people anymore.

Have you ever been directly impacted by social media positively or negatively? (E.g cyber bullying or social media perks such as being paid for something)

When I was younger I had a few people I didn’t know call me a rat and tell me to kill myself and such. Also had people who messaged me to kinda ask for sexually charged stuff which makes social media so hard to deal with. It’s difficult to post something and get the response you want. If you post yourself for instance in a progress picture many will sexualise that and it’s hard to escape and feel comfortable posting. Never had anything positive out of it.

Do you think social media has made you view the world differently? How?

I think understanding that people try to post the perfect image of themselves can be difficult. I do try to follow people who have a positive influence on my world view like nutritionists and those who deal with mental health. This helps to me to stay inspired rather that fall into low mood thinking I’m not good enough. Social media also posts a lot of negative news in the world to raise awareness so you find out things that might not be raised on the news.

Do you think social media is detrimental to mental health? Yourself and others?

Yes!! I have sat there and cried on many occasions because I don’t feel good enough because I feel ugly because I’m not making enough of myself based on what I see on social media. It has lead to me having anxiety, depression and eating disorders. I always feel as though I shouldn’t post because no one cares about me as I don’t live a life that’s very exciting because I don’t feel comfortable showing skin all sorts. It’s taken a long time to understand that a lot of what’s posted isn’t real and doesn’t accurately represent people and therefore shouldn’t effect me.

Have you ever had a social media cleanse? Deleted social media/ gone off grid?

Yes but part of it was for attention as you want to see if anyone reaches out and cares. I can’t lie. But now a days I don’t use social media barely only when I’m really bored so have kind of got over the need to constantly update everyone and get attention out of posting it’s more used simply when I’m super bored or really love a photo.

How do you think life would be different without social media?

Yes everyone’s life would be different. But this is part of our culture now and the way that we connect with people. Social media enables us to talk and connect in a way that face to face communication does not. Especially during this pandemic it is imperative to spread information and talk to our families. But also to keep people motivated.

One thing you would say to someone struggling with there mental health due to what they see on social media?

Don’t worry about everyone else just focus on yourself.

KATIE

When did you first use social media & for what purpose?

Facebook - to keep in touch with my primary school friends (was definitely not 13 but oops)

Have you seen a change in social media usage in your lifetime?

100%. The design of social media applications such as Instagram, Facebook and twitter have changed so much over time. They have become much sleeker and now offer many more functions than before.

Have you ever been directly impacted by social media positively or negatively? (E.g cyber bullying or social media perks such as being paid for something)

Positively - I have found work experience and charities to volunteer with through social media!

I have never been directly impacted by social media in a negative way luckily, but I know many people who sadly have.

Do you think social media has made you view the world differently? How?

Yes. I noticed recently how much we live in a society where we expect things straight away and don’t like waiting. This is more of a negative view however social media is also great for this exact reason.

Do you think social media is detrimental to mental health? Yourself and others?

I think it has a large impact on mental health as people compare themselves to others. Although this could also be motivating however there is a fine line between this both detrimental and beneficial. For example, I quite often find myself looking at Instagram models and fitness people that I follow and feel both lower than them but also inspired to look more like them - however this could effect many people’s mental health if they already struggle with insecurities.

Have you ever had a social media cleanse? Deleted social media/ gone off grid?

Sometimes I stay off certain social media platforms for a few days at a time but I have never deleted the app as I know I will always go back to it.

How do you think life would be different without social media?

Life would not be as fast-paced however some incredible opportunities that come with the globalisation of our communities through social media would not be possible. For example, my best friend at high school moved to Australia and I am so grateful for social media as I am still able to keep in touch with her.

One thing you would say to someone struggling with there mental health due to what they see on social media?

Everyone is different, don’t compare yourself to those who live a completely altered life to the one you live yourself.

CHLOE

first used social media for myspace when i was rool young because i wanted to look cool in front of my brothers friends ahaha  

I have seen a change in social media in terms of the amount we all use it and how we do, it used to just be for keeping in touch with friends or your interests and now it’s becoming more unauthentic and polluted with advertisements and influencers

I have personally never been directly impacted by social media but I do know people that have experienced bullying and negative comments from strangers

I think social media has made me view the world differently in terms of how i see myself and comparing myself to others

I think social media can be very harmful for mental health in many different aspects but can also can be great for creating safe spaces and getting advice and help

I tried to do a social media cleanse for a day just to see how productive I could be without distractions but i didn’t even last 12 hours

I think life would be a lot different in terms out authenticity as a lot of the time i see people acting and posting things that don’t correlate with how they are face to face in real life

one thing i would say to someone struggling is to take a break and realise that everything you see on social media does not correlate to how most people actually live their lives and only portray the best moments

[parentingguide8-blog]

30 People Confess The Most Embarrassing Thing Their Parents Ever Did

New Post has been published on https://parentinguideto.com/must-see/30-people-confess-the-most-embarrassing-thing-their-parents-ever-did/

30 People Confess The Most Embarrassing Thing Their Parents Ever Did

Found on AskReddit.

1. Dad had a giant boner where the tip was poking out of his stupid tight swimming trunks.

We were having a sweet sixteen for a family friend which was a pool party and I was invited being the same age as the birthday girl, the adult had their section over by the grill (naturally) where the hot tub was well. My dad unfortunately had the task of lifeguard since he was the only one that was CPR certified for his job. When I look over, the other adults had gone in and he was alone tending the grill and keeping an eye on the 20 other teens (most of them girls) lounging and playing games in the pool. As we walks over to the other side to pick up trash or whatever one of the girls yells EWWW and points at my dad. He had a giant boner where the tip was poking out of his stupid tight swimming trunks. And I was known as the son of a pedophile. I changed schools and that was that.

2. My mom accused me of sucking dick because I had zits.

My mom just said earlier that when she was younger, shed get zits on certain parts of her face for reasonsand her brother knew. You’ve been sucking that dick, haven’t you?

3. My mother would dress me as a girl when I cried because only girls cry.

My mother would dress me as a girl when I would cry when I was around 3 years old because only girls cry.

4. Dads horseplay left me nude in front of my friends.

I believe I was in third grade when this happened. I had two of best friends to my house for a sleepover and we were doing something in the living room when it was time for dinner. My dad thought it would be funny to take me to the dining room by picking me up by my feet and carrying me upside down. The only problem was that I was wearing sweatpants and when he lifted me he was grabbing more pant than ankle. I was in the air for a few seconds before I fell out of my pants onto the floor bottomless and dazed. Out of the sweats and boxers and all. I immediately ran away, Porky Pig style to cry in private. My dad came and tried to apologize but couldn’t stop laughing. At the time it was the most embarrassed I’d ever been. In retrospecthilarious.

5. Dad danced naked and projectile-vomited at a Christmas party.

My parents would hold a Christmas cocktail party every year. One year, my parents hired my sister and my sister’s best friend, let’s call her Patty since that was her name, to act as circulating cocktail waitresses, bringing drinks and finger foods to all the guests. They probably had 20 or 25 guests.

Dad got hammered. Woo-hoo, boy-howdy D-R-U-N-K. like in the movies, lampshade on the head drunk. Mom angrily sends Dad upstairs for a while.

The master bedroom was directly over the living room. All of a sudden, the guests start hearing these…noises from right above their heads. In her annoyance, my mother sends 15yo Patty, my sister’s best friend, upstairs to check.

And she proceeds to find my father, naked as the day he was born, jumping on the bed like a hyperactive 4yo, his manhood flapping in the breeze.

“Mr. Smith, are you OK? Patty asks, shocked to her core.

“I’m ” Dad exclaims, and then goes all Regan-from- on her. Just projectile vomiting everywhere. Covered the bed, two walls, a full-length mirror…an oscillating lawn sprinkler of puke.

Patty didn’t get married until her early 40s. I am convinced this incident had an impact on that situation.

My mother and father had a passionate, tempestuous relationship. But in the 24 years they were married, I don’t think I ever saw her as angry as I saw her that night and….for like the next two months. It took some other husband in her Junior League circle of friends to get caught banging a babysitter or something for my mother to get over it. It was just….

6. They made my brother and I wear matching outfits every day until we were 11.

Made my brother and I wear matching outfits every day until we were 11.

7. Mom is a little too open about her yeast infections.

My mom was on the phone with her doctor because she had thrush or something in her mouth. The doc said it’s probably a yeast infection. She immediately says Oh how strange. I usually get them on the other end! What the fuck, mom?

8. Mom nodded out from drugs and began snoring during my choir recital.

My mother liked drugsshe was high-functioning during the day at the time of this story but in the evening she partied. I begged her not to go to my high school freshman year Winter Concert (choir, and I had a solo). Second row there she was, positioned right in front of me with the lights from the stage illuminating her face…as she nodded out, and began to snore. I want to crawl inside of myself.

9. Mom clogged a motel toilet and bragged to the maintenance man.

My mother and I were staying at a hotel when I was around 15, and she took one of her epic dumps and clogged the toilet, so she had to call the front desk and have them send a maintenance guy. Guy walks in, he’s around 25, beautiful (of course), and my mother jokingly says to him, So now you have to guess which one of us has the huge colon.

10. They found my condoms and then gave me sex tips.

Found my condoms when they helped me move out of my freshman dorm. Then gave me sex tips.

11. My dad used to freestyle whenever I had friends over.

My dad used to freestyle whenever I had friends over. We are 100% white and I grew up, mostly, in the country. The one that I always remember happening was about diarrhea. Looking back though my dad was spittin hit fire in the 90s. He needs to drop a mixtape.

12. Mom would give me permission to go out with friends or to a sleep over and then report me as a missing person to the police.

After my Dad died in 1999, my Mom went a little nutty. She would give me permission to go out with friends or to a sleep over and then report me as a missing person to the police. Do you know what it’s like to be at a sleepover and have the cops come down the driveway for you? My friend’s Dad was PISSED. And then I get home and she like Oh, I’m so glad you’re alive. The police got sick of her and I got a cellphone.

13. My parents made out with each other at a party to embarrass me.

At my fourteenth birthday party my mom was lying on the couch while my friends and I all ate pizza in the dining room. My back was to the living room so I was the only person who couldn’t see my mom. Suddenly my friends all started to giggle. I turned around to see my father slowly crawling on top of my mother to make out with her. I guess I should mention that my parents weren’t ever affectionate with one another and that this was done purposefully to embarrass me.

14. My dad has horrible gas. HORRIBLEas in quantity and quality.

My dad has horrible gas. HORRIBLEas in quantity and quality. I’m pretty sure he emits toxic fumes. Anyway, when I was a kid he refused to contain or excuse himself to privacy like a normal person. He perfected the skill of nonchalant farting. He swore if he acted normal, no one would know he had passed gas. The icing was that he told a select few family and friends about this habit, so he knew those people would fidget and get uncomfortable when they realized he had dropped a stealth bomb; their uneasiness would make other people think they were the offender and not him. Needless to say, it was very embarrassing, but my dad was calm enough about it thatyes, people would often carry on like they didn’t smell it. This went on for years. My mom got sick when I was pretty young. She had early onset Alzheimer’s which for her meant she had no filter for many years prior to her diagnosis. So she started calling my dad out whenever he did it. Loudly. It was horriblehorrible to be the child of the man who is constantly farting around other people and the woman who shouted at him to shame him for doing it. In hindsight it’s kind of funny.

15. Dad ran away screaming from a mall interviewer.

Was with my dad at the mall, and you know the people who approach you to answer the surveys?? Well, this lady picked the wrong person, AKA my dad.

Sir, do you have time to answer some questions?

(Screams at the top of his lungs, puts up his hood and screams NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOO, while running away)

Leaving me there like.

16. There mom was, waddling around with this massive stomach talking about having too much gas, and calling my Dad’s new girlfriend a whore for being in a relationship outside of marriage.

Some backstory to add to how embarrassed I felt. My mother’s family was working class, many of which were trashy. My mother was clearly one of the trashy ones. My fathers family were immigrants, but all became wealthy somewhat early on and were a bit more refined. Anyway, not that important, but basically there was just this perceived dynamic that my mom was trashy and me and my brothers were always self-conscious about that.

So fast-forward a few years, my parents split up. In a few years my mom gets pregnant. Which you know was to he expected honestly. But then because she is aware of how my father’s family (who were grew up with more, and were still very close with) viewed her. So she knew this was just going to be icing on the cake for them. She basically decided to deny the pregnancy. No problem, right? If she wants to buy herself a month or two, go ahead.

Well, my genius mom decided she was going to deny the pregnancy the whole way through. How would she handle the birth of the twins she was carrying? She had no clue, till this day we have no idea what she thought she was going to do.

But basically she forced us to play along and waited until she was 5 months pregnant, and huuuuge to finally admit (basically my dad just said to her we all know and have known for a month at least) it.

But yea there she was, waddling around with this massive stomach talking about having too much gas, and calling my Dad’s new girlfriend a whore for being in a relationship outside of marriage. Speaking about it now, it’s the funniest thing I have ever heard ofbut at the time I felt immense shame.

17. My mother elbowed me in the ribs and stated, This is the nude scene.

My parents, who were quite conservative, took 12-year-old me to see a production of My mother elbowed me in the ribs and stated, This is the nude scene.

18. In front of my football team, Mom yelled, BYE JACOB, MOMMY LOVES YOU and wouldnt leave until I said love you back.

When I was 13 years old my mother dropped me off for football practice and when I was getting out of the car she said love you. wanting to look cool in front of my friends I didnt say it back, she said it again and I had joined my friends and closed the door. So of course the only logical thing to do was roll down the window and yell at the top of her lungs, BYE JACOB, MOMMY LOVES YOU and wouldnt leave until I said love you back. What a nightmare.

19. My dad sits on the couch in his underwear while typing on his MacBook and quoting Monty Python.

Not really a specific time, but when my friends come over (or any time really), my dad sits on the couch in his underwear while typing on his MacBook and quoting Monty Python. After a while of this, he will pick up his over 80-year-old saxophone and proceed to blast everyone’s eardrums with his improv jazz. Embarrassed me as a kid, but now I have the most chill dad out of my friends.

20. Mom put the ‘sag’ on in front of our whole school.

7th grade story. My mom hated the whole sagging-your-pants fad and threatened to sag her pants in front of my whole school if i continued to do it. Fast-forward to a nice and busy morning in the parking lot in front of the school where students were dropped off. I get out of the car, pants sagging along. She screams out the window to pull up my pants. I pretend like I dont hear her. She honks 5+ times to have everyones attention and proceeds to get out with her sweat pants down below her ass cheeks, granny panties flopping in the wind walking like a duck all while yelling mijo look! Needless to say I never sagged my pants again.

21. My mom complains about food to the staff in restaurants.

My mom complains about food to the staff in restaurants. The last time we ate she ordered fish and chips, she told the waiter it looks like it’s from McDonald’s. It makes me cringe inside forever.

22. My mom showed up to my school while I was in class to scold me for forgetting to take me ADHD medication.

My mom showed up to my school while I was in class to scold me for forgetting to take me ADHD medication. Like full-on screaming while I sat silently in horror while my classmates laughed. She interrupted an entire class to do this. To paint a better picture, my mom is like Lois from

23. My dad pushed me off my scooter in the middle of the high street and rode off on it.

My dad pushed me off my scooter in the middle of the high street and rode off on it. He also put rap music on his car and sang along with the windows open through the town

24. Dad was a snoring/farting machine.

My dad had a form of narcolepsy; he slept everywhere he went, people would stare at him all the time. The embarrassing part of this is, when he was asleep, he would let huge farts rip with no shame sometimes. I do miss him, though, even though he was a snoring/farting machine. To be more descriptive, imagine sitting in a crowded doctors waiting room or some other such public places. Your father is sitting next to you, sawing logs as loud as he can, all of a sudden he leans over and lets one rip. Simultaneously he lets out a loud AWWWWWWWWWWW to trumpet his ass-jiggling flatulence. Then in the end none of this would wake him up.

25. On the phone with my friend and my dad comes into my room to scream at me for getting period blood on my panties….after my very first period.

TMI incoming…On the phone with my friend and my dad comes into my room to scream at me for getting period blood on my panties….after my very first period. My friend on the phone heard everything and i couldnt even bear to keep talking, so i just hung up.

26. Dad made his butt talk in front of my friends.

I was watching TV with some friends, and my dad came out of his room, stood in front of the TV with his back to us, pulled his shorts down to expose his butt, and grabbed his butt cheeks to make them talk and say I have bad breath.

27. My grandpa would insult other kids out loud during baseball games.

Not my parents, but at my brother’s baseball games my grandpa will sit in the bleachers and insult the other kids out loud, oftentimes to the parents of those children themselves. Examples include _____ is such a fuckin’ jerk or He’d be a good first baseman if he didn’t suck tits.

28. My father wore a “Huggies #1” hat because he knew it embarrassed his sons.

My father wore a Huggies #1 hat, like the diaper brand, that he found on the side of the road. He wore it whenever he went anywhere with me or my bros for a few years.

He did it solely because he knew it embarrassed his boys. He loved trolling us.

It’s now in his garage collecting dust, and I want it… but he won’t let me have it because it’s his favorite hat.

Oh, and he did wear it again recently when we went pier fishing on a visit. Still embarrassing, but I see the humor now, too.

29. Mom yells at retail workers.

Im always humiliated when my mom yells at retail workers…or waiters…she seems to have no concept of when a problem is actually someone’s fault or not. Like, the lady behind the cash register has no control over the irregular sizing of the Old Navy jeans.

30. My dad mowed the lawnWITH me.

My dad is a bit of a control freak, especially so about his lawn and garden. My father didn’t make me mow the lawn. I was not ALLOWED to. To be totally honest, by and large he didn’t like the idea of teaching me how to do any man stuff, he’d prefer to just do it and be done with it. I am a super-advanced flashlight holder and beer fetcher, though.

One summer he had reconstructive shoulder surgery. Dad, come on, you can’t be pushing the mower around with your arm in a sling. It isn’t rocket science. I am happy to do it for you.

He hemmed and hawed for awhile but finally conceded I would probably have to do it. He gave me the the super-complicated instructions of pull cord, push around in straight line before doing the most embarrassing thing he’s ever done to me.

He walked with me, his good hand on the mower, for the entire duration of mowing his front and back lawn.

I was like 26 at the time. TWENTY-SIX.

I was married and living on my own at the time. Also I am a dude.

Read more: http://thoughtcatalog.com/

[bamboozle-floozle-shiznit]

First of all:

It’s interesting, this life we live. Isn’t it? Its like a movie and you’re the main character and no one gives you a script, but you feel like everyone else is reading from one and you need to improvise lines to deal with them. Here’s the mindfuck: they’re also the main character to themselves and believe they’re improvising as they go along.

“What’s my point?” I hear you say

My point is no one really knows what they’re doing here!

Most of us are just moving along, making it up as we go. Few of us have our lives planned out and even then life hits them HARD. I learnt a lot while in University, and maybe if I was a more active blogger at the time I’d have built a decent following and made use of that to push some ideas I’ve had laying dormant. No regrets though. Making a mountain out of a mole hill was my middle name in my teens. I was almost always planning, paranoid and anxious about something. I had a good way of hiding it: Preoccupying myself with other people’s problems and having a smoke or a drink with my guys in the evenings. It was very effective, numbing the anxiety and my worries but didn’t take them away. Sometimes it added more but on most days I just sat back, relaxed and enjoyed my time with people who were like me.

Now that I’m through with my philosophical musings:

WELCOME TO THE B-SIDE OF CRAB: THE DOUBLE LP by TOSAN

Hey guys! I promised a double post this weekend right? Here it is. I hope you’re happy. Bother. I deserve an accolade, blogging is a bitch to do, I love it but still.

So this post will have two topics in it:

My NYSC Experience

A life lesson I wish to share for my readers

The two will be interwoven because they’re relevant to each other, but it will be obvious when I am talking about one over the other.

In my final year of University I was extremely pressured to make it to a 2:1. In the previous post I told y’all I got out with a 3.56 but didn’t tell you how. It was a long push from my 300 level when I realized if I kept slacking I’d finish “badly”. So, I went hard and studied and was so anxious that I’d fail but I ended up getting to it. It felt really good because people knew I was on a 3.49 all the way to the end of my first semester of 400. I was on a 3.49 for a year!

It was after my finals that I got to 3.56 and it felt really good. The congratulations, the look on my mom’s face, my statement of result was lit so if I had to go for job interviews I’d look good.

I remember how hard I worked and how scared I was. I should’ve realized that all I needed to really do was work hard, pray and live life, be happy. I stressed till I graduated. I can’t even remember some things because of it.

Fast forward to NYSC registration and all that. I got the second batch, low-key I was stressing the registration because of placement and I wanted to serve quickly and keep it moving but it didn’t go the way I wanted because I didn’t get the first batch. I was sad but it ended up for good because I was able to graduate, celebrate my birthday and buy materials and learn from others mistakes because I went with the second batch. Also I was able to pick my certificate in peace. Some of my mates don’t have it yet cause they’re in other states. See why you shouldn’t stress?

Camp was quite the experience. I was at Lagos camp, some of you will hiss and say just Iyana Ipaja, it was sha still camp and if you don’t think it was worth it because it was close, that’s your cuppa tea.

So let’s develop a system before I start narrating the experience. I’ll divide it into weeks so I can summaries and I remember that I promised we won’t have a repeat of my month recap in the previous post.

You know what, fuck that. Take it how I type it.

So my first week was interesting. I was still trying to get used to it all. The bugle, the meals, the morning parade and all. I was in boarding school for my Junior Secondary Years so it was not that hard.

This was a typical day at camp, NOT ACCURATE, just a loose replication

4:45 : Morning Parade

7am: Breakfast

9am: Lectures

12:30: SAED

2PM: LUNCH

4PM: Man O War/Drills

6:30PM: Dinner

8:30pm: Socials (or for some of us Mami Flexing)

10:30PM: Lights out

So, as you can see it was a regimented life. Except Sundays.

Ordinary first day o, I got to the gate and this gate man saw matches abi was it lighter and was disturbing my life about if I smoke, telling me he will not do anything, bla bla me I was looking at him like

I acted all innocent. In the end he let me go.

God. Registration. REGISTRATION.

SEE, THIS LIFE, OBSERVE YOUR SURROUNDINGS.

Over 1000 smelly Nigerians gathered at the door of a hall and we were all tired. I had no idea I could’ve waited till the next day. Took it so seriously, put it on my head like a hawker and stayed there for hours. It wasn’t that bad though. I got in pretty early and registered did it all. I got Platoon 1.

Wait. I need to do this:

PLATOON1!!!! ACTION!!!!!

PLATOON WAAAAANNN!!!! ACTION!!!!

Okay I’m done.

So I got Platoon 1. S/O to Aunty Chioma, Poppin lady. She was awesome. We were the best platoon btw, I’m not hyping, we had the most 1sts and had the Overall best Corp member. Our Platoon leader Mr. Maleghemi Joseph aka Mr. Macho aka RJ aka baddest rapper, and inspirational leader.

After getting my platoon, I went in to get a room. See that my room ehn, we started very well but then I started to have issues with some of them because they made me welfare officer and some guy was being difficult. I digress. I went back to finish registration after getting settled in my room and got my kit . Please if your father works at NYSC, slap him for me, if it’s the two parents, slap them and then slap yourself. These people made us fill our sizes in the online registration and then we got there and almost everyone got random sizes. I was actually lucky and I got a goo jacket and crested vest. The rest were OP: OFF POINT.

I took the kit and chose not to slim them in camp because I wasn’t going to get bled dry just to look good, I found a way to look presentable for the Swearing in Ceremony.

The days went by and I applied for OBS. For those who don’t know, OBS is Orientation Broadcasting Service, the coordinators were from an older batch. S/O to Femi, Yetunde, TTuoyo, Ifeanyi and DJ Fingaz! I was advised to join OBS by my brother who was also in OBS and loved it. So I went for the interview and turns out I was good enough, they even made me Head of Editorial, that is the part of OBS that handles announcements and programmes. The engineering side handles Sound and Setup for Programmes. I was happy, not knowing that was the beginning of my problems in camp. 😦

Some fun activities I engaged in include:

Man o War Obstacle Course

Drilling (Marching Drills)

Drama (Qualifiers)

Dance (1st)

Talent hunt (3rd)

Kitchen duty (yeah, it was fun somehow)

OBS duties.

Other activities included:

Football (disqualified 😂)

Table tennis(QF)

Volleyball(1st)

Miss Petite (3rd)

Big, bold and Beautiful (Qualifiers)

SAED presentation ( 1st)

Lions den(3rd)

Debate (Quarter finals)

Cooking competition (2nd)

I engaged in some more than others and some “took my blood. Man O War literally got me slightly injured when I went the second time. (I went twice don’t ask how) I didn’t engage in drills past the first week because it clashed with other things I was doing. Dance I didn’t engage in fully, just some rehearsals. I did engage fully in drama but we didn’t get past the first stage. No regrets though it was fun. Our drama was about a village with Lassa fever and two corp members who came to the village to start a health center and a stubborn dibia (my humble self) who wouldn’t accommodate them. He ended up getting the disease too and was treated..

BUT

  We were robbed of the second round in that play. It’s my blog let me vent. A young nigga like me, I wrote the script, and my lovely friend and someone who I admire from the depths of my heart, Faith, was stage manager and director. S/O to Ekene, Precious, Tobi, Uche, Jennifer, Vicky, , Make-up, Emmanuel, Stage hands, The guards, Extras,David (Director also but he was always busy drumming for dancers) and anyone I forgot.

We were the second platoon to present a play and the drama was spread across three days. We got the loudest applause for our day and even had to do an impromptu closing that we didn’t plan for and the crowd LOVED IT. So how, you ask, did we not qualify. Turns out on the final day another God forsaken platoon , platoon 9, did the same thing but executed it better. When we watched the second round, I wondered how some of the other platoons with a horrible play qualified over us. Some said it was because they forgot us since no one from our day qualified. Uh, Bullshit. Whatever. I still hold a grudge against them. I lost my voice over that play.

Dance group was amazing. They were first position. I’m glad I was able to famz their rehearsals and be on the group chat.

We also won Mr. Macho thanks to Joseph.

For the talent hunt i was reluctant to audition but Faith egged me on and when I did the judges said I gave the best performance of the day.

I perform like Josh Norman, I ain’t normal, nigga

Unfortunately, i couldn’t replicate it in the finals.

  How? Well, we were third in the Talent Hunt, also thanks to Joe and I performed but apparently my mic wasn’t working I was told. Dunno why the judges didn’t stop me and tell me.

We were first in volleyball, that was for babes.

OBS was crazy. It was fun but we didn’t take advantage of our opportunities to be remembered because we were all not serious. I even chased one dead guy from the thing sef. I fell sick from the stress at a point.

We also had a camp carnival and a special night when Small Doctor, KENNYBLAQ, Ruggedman, 9ice and ahost of other scame through.

OOO, Tobi Bakre from Big Brother came and most of the girls lost their shit:

Some girls were like:

  One weirdo in particular did this

HAHA YOU THOUGHT.

The food was… Food. I ate it sometimes but mostly patronized Mami.

All in all it was quite the experience

Tips for prospective corp members

Carry money at least 20k

Make friends but good with everyone

Try to enter your room first when they’re allocating so you can pick a good spot.

Don’t charge you phone at Mami if you can help it. People’s panels got destroyed because so many phone were charging.

Use the laundry if you can’t wash. There’s never really time. Laundry’s cheap.

Balance the days you eat at Mami.

Befriend your platoon inspectors.

Be active in camp, it’s a stepping stone to success.

Over rules

Come a day early or a day late. Not on the main day.

Carry your credentials. All of them. Especially certificate and statement of result and an ID card

Join an SDG group.

Don’t dodge morning parade if you can, Information is  passed and Man O War chants are really fun

Be humble, do not engage soldiers when they order you because they’re just following orders. They will miss you when you are gone.

Take a leadership role in camp at least once. It builds character and patience

Carry a Sweater, preferably white, for Cold days and Shades for Hot days

One fulfilling moment in camp was when I was recognized by the Camp commandant. We had a bad start because he came to chase us from rehearsals when it was coinciding with drill and I threw a fit. He saw it and was pissed and I legit stared him down till my platoon mates pushed my head to look down as a sign of submission. Then I apologized. In the final night of camp I came to drop asun and drinks for my OBS colleagues assigned to the staff party, he called me and reminded me of the altercation and said I changed his mind about me because I was really active for my platoon all over camp and he also saw me Emceeing the Camp Carnival. I was blushing like a fool because he is known to be very difficult. His nickname is delete because he chased a couple corp members from camp, yeah, he de-camped them and so he threatened others with the term. His favourite quote “I will delete you!” .

The man ended up being most popular camp official. See why you should not fuck with anyone, just be a badass and people will love you. This was me

It felt good to be recognized and I learnt that people are always watching and admiring from afar when you do good or bad, you end up building a reputation for something. So don’t look for recognition just enjoy when it comes to you and do good in any endeavor you’re in.

Now to the life lessons I learned

Don’t take yourself too seriously: in camp I fell sick because I was stressed by someof the activities I was involved in. OBS was tasking because of a certain man who keppt threateningly us cause we were pretty lazy tbh and I’m ashamed about that. I took things on my head and rarely asked for help

Ask for help: people around you are ready to do things if you ask nielg. Even as a leader delegate wok and remind them that you trust them and need them. Don’t boss them around. It’s hard to remember in the eat of the moment of.but if you do you’ll make a great leader

Challenge yourself and Do it: if you feel like doing anything, do it. Don’t be shy or scared because fear is an illusion. Even if it is something you have never done, challenge yourself. If you feel nervous tell yourself you’re excited and your body is gearing up to shock the world. It works!

Have a support system: every other day I’d go to Mami with pals and drink and gist. Having a support system to take care of you when you’re stressed and need to vent helps you get over things. I appreciate my friends I made in camp and they’re all headed for greatness.

Be disciplined: I watched my friend Joseph in camp and noticed that the he was highly disciplined. Probably from his man o War days. Admired that. He was also platoon leader ad when he became most outstanding corp member. I was screaming in elation because he desred it.

Celebrate yourself and others: I know I said I had a grudge with the drama thing but really it’s no biggie. Learn to celebrate others victories and also be kind to yourself when. You lose. I learnt that from Faith who I told I’m always hard on myself that it won’t do me any good. I learnt to take it easy and always be kind to myself. So I’m leaving that with y’all!

DANCE: God I danced well in that case. Dancing is a joyous activity. You don’t need to know all the latest steps just have fun at the party. Or even if it’s not a party, play some music and dance. Take someone else along to dance with you, especially if you are the shy type. You’ll be happier for it

Ignore naysayers and Don’t be a naysayer: Ignore people who tell you you can’t do it. In the words of Kanye West. “Any pessimist I don’t talk to them, plus I ain’t have no phone in my apartment. ” Also don’t be a naysayer. Be a cheerleader!

Be grateful: gratitude goes a long way. Be grateful to God, to your neighbour, to the air, and everything around. When you can remember to just say thank you to think air. It sounds like some mystic weird zen shit but it works either way

Everything works out for good: While trying to crate this post I typed on my phone and my laptop but I did not have the full draft on PC, so when I got to work this evening, I did not see the full draft. I tried to connect my phone to the work Wi-Fi and it was misbehaving. I panicked a bit but in the end  I called the neighboring hotel that is under the company and got it reset and voila! Do not sweat the small stuff, the extra time I got helped me refine the post for your reading pleasure and  I got an idea I will share at the bottom of the post!

So, that’s that!

Here are some pictures from camp!

      Sometimes I will do reviews of the songs of the week courtesy Wax Poetic. I will also do movie reviews and opinion polls.

Next week’s topic will be about the candidates running for the office of President. I will do an expose on them. Also, its payday! Yaay, so i will be doing my first giveaway. So check in on my next post next weekend!

If you want me to review your album or track or want me to do something on this blog or a collaboration with you, hit me up here. I won’t review my upcoming project because it’s unethical.

See y’all next week

  Give some love to a stranger today

BYE

CRAB: THE B SIDE First of all: It's interesting, this life we live. Isn't it? Its like a movie and you're the main character and no one gives you a script, but you feel like everyone else is reading from one and you need to improvise lines to deal with them.

[adambstingus]

30 People Confess The Most Embarrassing Thing Their Parents Ever Did

Found on AskReddit.

1. Dad had a giant boner where the tip was poking out of his stupid tight swimming trunks.

We were having a sweet sixteen for a family friend which was a pool party and I was invited being the same age as the birthday girl, the adult had their section over by the grill (naturally) where the hot tub was well. My dad unfortunately had the task of lifeguard since he was the only one that was CPR certified for his job. When I look over, the other adults had gone in and he was alone tending the grill and keeping an eye on the 20 other teens (most of them girls) lounging and playing games in the pool. As we walks over to the other side to pick up trash or whatever one of the girls yells EWWW and points at my dad. He had a giant boner where the tip was poking out of his stupid tight swimming trunks. And I was known as the son of a pedophile. I changed schools and that was that.

2. My mom accused me of sucking dick because I had zits.

My mom just said earlier that when she was younger, shed get zits on certain parts of her face for reasonsand her brother knew. You’ve been sucking that dick, haven’t you?

3. My mother would dress me as a girl when I cried because only girls cry.

My mother would dress me as a girl when I would cry when I was around 3 years old because only girls cry.

4. Dads horseplay left me nude in front of my friends.

I believe I was in third grade when this happened. I had two of best friends to my house for a sleepover and we were doing something in the living room when it was time for dinner. My dad thought it would be funny to take me to the dining room by picking me up by my feet and carrying me upside down. The only problem was that I was wearing sweatpants and when he lifted me he was grabbing more pant than ankle. I was in the air for a few seconds before I fell out of my pants onto the floor bottomless and dazed. Out of the sweats and boxers and all. I immediately ran away, Porky Pig style to cry in private. My dad came and tried to apologize but couldn’t stop laughing. At the time it was the most embarrassed I’d ever been. In retrospecthilarious.

5. Dad danced naked and projectile-vomited at a Christmas party.

My parents would hold a Christmas cocktail party every year. One year, my parents hired my sister and my sister’s best friend, let’s call her Patty since that was her name, to act as circulating cocktail waitresses, bringing drinks and finger foods to all the guests. They probably had 20 or 25 guests.

Dad got hammered. Woo-hoo, boy-howdy D-R-U-N-K. like in the movies, lampshade on the head drunk. Mom angrily sends Dad upstairs for a while.

The master bedroom was directly over the living room. All of a sudden, the guests start hearing these…noises from right above their heads. In her annoyance, my mother sends 15yo Patty, my sister’s best friend, upstairs to check.

And she proceeds to find my father, naked as the day he was born, jumping on the bed like a hyperactive 4yo, his manhood flapping in the breeze.

“Mr. Smith, are you OK? Patty asks, shocked to her core.

“I’m ” Dad exclaims, and then goes all Regan-from- on her. Just projectile vomiting everywhere. Covered the bed, two walls, a full-length mirror…an oscillating lawn sprinkler of puke.

Patty didn’t get married until her early 40s. I am convinced this incident had an impact on that situation.

My mother and father had a passionate, tempestuous relationship. But in the 24 years they were married, I don’t think I ever saw her as angry as I saw her that night and….for like the next two months. It took some other husband in her Junior League circle of friends to get caught banging a babysitter or something for my mother to get over it. It was just….

6. They made my brother and I wear matching outfits every day until we were 11.

Made my brother and I wear matching outfits every day until we were 11.

7. Mom is a little too open about her yeast infections.

My mom was on the phone with her doctor because she had thrush or something in her mouth. The doc said it’s probably a yeast infection. She immediately says Oh how strange. I usually get them on the other end! What the fuck, mom?

8. Mom nodded out from drugs and began snoring during my choir recital.

My mother liked drugsshe was high-functioning during the day at the time of this story but in the evening she partied. I begged her not to go to my high school freshman year Winter Concert (choir, and I had a solo). Second row there she was, positioned right in front of me with the lights from the stage illuminating her face…as she nodded out, and began to snore. I want to crawl inside of myself.

9. Mom clogged a motel toilet and bragged to the maintenance man.

My mother and I were staying at a hotel when I was around 15, and she took one of her epic dumps and clogged the toilet, so she had to call the front desk and have them send a maintenance guy. Guy walks in, he’s around 25, beautiful (of course), and my mother jokingly says to him, So now you have to guess which one of us has the huge colon.

10. They found my condoms and then gave me sex tips.

Found my condoms when they helped me move out of my freshman dorm. Then gave me sex tips.

11. My dad used to freestyle whenever I had friends over.

My dad used to freestyle whenever I had friends over. We are 100% white and I grew up, mostly, in the country. The one that I always remember happening was about diarrhea. Looking back though my dad was spittin hit fire in the 90s. He needs to drop a mixtape.

12. Mom would give me permission to go out with friends or to a sleep over and then report me as a missing person to the police.

After my Dad died in 1999, my Mom went a little nutty. She would give me permission to go out with friends or to a sleep over and then report me as a missing person to the police. Do you know what it’s like to be at a sleepover and have the cops come down the driveway for you? My friend’s Dad was PISSED. And then I get home and she like Oh, I’m so glad you’re alive. The police got sick of her and I got a cellphone.

13. My parents made out with each other at a party to embarrass me.

At my fourteenth birthday party my mom was lying on the couch while my friends and I all ate pizza in the dining room. My back was to the living room so I was the only person who couldn’t see my mom. Suddenly my friends all started to giggle. I turned around to see my father slowly crawling on top of my mother to make out with her. I guess I should mention that my parents weren’t ever affectionate with one another and that this was done purposefully to embarrass me.

14. My dad has horrible gas. HORRIBLEas in quantity and quality.

My dad has horrible gas. HORRIBLEas in quantity and quality. I’m pretty sure he emits toxic fumes. Anyway, when I was a kid he refused to contain or excuse himself to privacy like a normal person. He perfected the skill of nonchalant farting. He swore if he acted normal, no one would know he had passed gas. The icing was that he told a select few family and friends about this habit, so he knew those people would fidget and get uncomfortable when they realized he had dropped a stealth bomb; their uneasiness would make other people think they were the offender and not him. Needless to say, it was very embarrassing, but my dad was calm enough about it thatyes, people would often carry on like they didn’t smell it. This went on for years. My mom got sick when I was pretty young. She had early onset Alzheimer’s which for her meant she had no filter for many years prior to her diagnosis. So she started calling my dad out whenever he did it. Loudly. It was horriblehorrible to be the child of the man who is constantly farting around other people and the woman who shouted at him to shame him for doing it. In hindsight it’s kind of funny.

15. Dad ran away screaming from a mall interviewer.

Was with my dad at the mall, and you know the people who approach you to answer the surveys?? Well, this lady picked the wrong person, AKA my dad.

Sir, do you have time to answer some questions?

(Screams at the top of his lungs, puts up his hood and screams NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOO, while running away)

Leaving me there like.

16. There mom was, waddling around with this massive stomach talking about having too much gas, and calling my Dad’s new girlfriend a whore for being in a relationship outside of marriage.

Some backstory to add to how embarrassed I felt. My mother’s family was working class, many of which were trashy. My mother was clearly one of the trashy ones. My fathers family were immigrants, but all became wealthy somewhat early on and were a bit more refined. Anyway, not that important, but basically there was just this perceived dynamic that my mom was trashy and me and my brothers were always self-conscious about that.

So fast-forward a few years, my parents split up. In a few years my mom gets pregnant. Which you know was to he expected honestly. But then because she is aware of how my father’s family (who were grew up with more, and were still very close with) viewed her. So she knew this was just going to be icing on the cake for them. She basically decided to deny the pregnancy. No problem, right? If she wants to buy herself a month or two, go ahead.

Well, my genius mom decided she was going to deny the pregnancy the whole way through. How would she handle the birth of the twins she was carrying? She had no clue, till this day we have no idea what she thought she was going to do.

But basically she forced us to play along and waited until she was 5 months pregnant, and huuuuge to finally admit (basically my dad just said to her we all know and have known for a month at least) it.

But yea there she was, waddling around with this massive stomach talking about having too much gas, and calling my Dad’s new girlfriend a whore for being in a relationship outside of marriage. Speaking about it now, it’s the funniest thing I have ever heard ofbut at the time I felt immense shame.

17. My mother elbowed me in the ribs and stated, This is the nude scene.

My parents, who were quite conservative, took 12-year-old me to see a production of My mother elbowed me in the ribs and stated, This is the nude scene.

18. In front of my football team, Mom yelled, BYE JACOB, MOMMY LOVES YOU and wouldnt leave until I said love you back.

When I was 13 years old my mother dropped me off for football practice and when I was getting out of the car she said love you. wanting to look cool in front of my friends I didnt say it back, she said it again and I had joined my friends and closed the door. So of course the only logical thing to do was roll down the window and yell at the top of her lungs, BYE JACOB, MOMMY LOVES YOU and wouldnt leave until I said love you back. What a nightmare.

19. My dad sits on the couch in his underwear while typing on his MacBook and quoting Monty Python.

Not really a specific time, but when my friends come over (or any time really), my dad sits on the couch in his underwear while typing on his MacBook and quoting Monty Python. After a while of this, he will pick up his over 80-year-old saxophone and proceed to blast everyone’s eardrums with his improv jazz. Embarrassed me as a kid, but now I have the most chill dad out of my friends.

20. Mom put the ‘sag’ on in front of our whole school.

7th grade story. My mom hated the whole sagging-your-pants fad and threatened to sag her pants in front of my whole school if i continued to do it. Fast-forward to a nice and busy morning in the parking lot in front of the school where students were dropped off. I get out of the car, pants sagging along. She screams out the window to pull up my pants. I pretend like I dont hear her. She honks 5+ times to have everyones attention and proceeds to get out with her sweat pants down below her ass cheeks, granny panties flopping in the wind walking like a duck all while yelling mijo look! Needless to say I never sagged my pants again.

21. My mom complains about food to the staff in restaurants.

My mom complains about food to the staff in restaurants. The last time we ate she ordered fish and chips, she told the waiter it looks like it’s from McDonald’s. It makes me cringe inside forever.

22. My mom showed up to my school while I was in class to scold me for forgetting to take me ADHD medication.

My mom showed up to my school while I was in class to scold me for forgetting to take me ADHD medication. Like full-on screaming while I sat silently in horror while my classmates laughed. She interrupted an entire class to do this. To paint a better picture, my mom is like Lois from

23. My dad pushed me off my scooter in the middle of the high street and rode off on it.

My dad pushed me off my scooter in the middle of the high street and rode off on it. He also put rap music on his car and sang along with the windows open through the town

24. Dad was a snoring/farting machine.

My dad had a form of narcolepsy; he slept everywhere he went, people would stare at him all the time. The embarrassing part of this is, when he was asleep, he would let huge farts rip with no shame sometimes. I do miss him, though, even though he was a snoring/farting machine. To be more descriptive, imagine sitting in a crowded doctors waiting room or some other such public places. Your father is sitting next to you, sawing logs as loud as he can, all of a sudden he leans over and lets one rip. Simultaneously he lets out a loud AWWWWWWWWWWW to trumpet his ass-jiggling flatulence. Then in the end none of this would wake him up.

25. On the phone with my friend and my dad comes into my room to scream at me for getting period blood on my panties….after my very first period.

TMI incoming…On the phone with my friend and my dad comes into my room to scream at me for getting period blood on my panties….after my very first period. My friend on the phone heard everything and i couldnt even bear to keep talking, so i just hung up.

26. Dad made his butt talk in front of my friends.

I was watching TV with some friends, and my dad came out of his room, stood in front of the TV with his back to us, pulled his shorts down to expose his butt, and grabbed his butt cheeks to make them talk and say I have bad breath.

27. My grandpa would insult other kids out loud during baseball games.

Not my parents, but at my brother’s baseball games my grandpa will sit in the bleachers and insult the other kids out loud, oftentimes to the parents of those children themselves. Examples include _____ is such a fuckin’ jerk or He’d be a good first baseman if he didn’t suck tits.

28. My father wore a “Huggies #1” hat because he knew it embarrassed his sons.

My father wore a Huggies #1 hat, like the diaper brand, that he found on the side of the road. He wore it whenever he went anywhere with me or my bros for a few years.

He did it solely because he knew it embarrassed his boys. He loved trolling us.

It’s now in his garage collecting dust, and I want it… but he won’t let me have it because it’s his favorite hat.

Oh, and he did wear it again recently when we went pier fishing on a visit. Still embarrassing, but I see the humor now, too.

29. Mom yells at retail workers.

Im always humiliated when my mom yells at retail workers…or waiters…she seems to have no concept of when a problem is actually someone’s fault or not. Like, the lady behind the cash register has no control over the irregular sizing of the Old Navy jeans.

30. My dad mowed the lawnWITH me.

My dad is a bit of a control freak, especially so about his lawn and garden. My father didn’t make me mow the lawn. I was not ALLOWED to. To be totally honest, by and large he didn’t like the idea of teaching me how to do any man stuff, he’d prefer to just do it and be done with it. I am a super-advanced flashlight holder and beer fetcher, though.

One summer he had reconstructive shoulder surgery. Dad, come on, you can’t be pushing the mower around with your arm in a sling. It isn’t rocket science. I am happy to do it for you.

He hemmed and hawed for awhile but finally conceded I would probably have to do it. He gave me the the super-complicated instructions of pull cord, push around in straight line before doing the most embarrassing thing he’s ever done to me.

He walked with me, his good hand on the mower, for the entire duration of mowing his front and back lawn.

I was like 26 at the time. TWENTY-SIX.

I was married and living on my own at the time. Also I am a dude.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/08/26/30-people-confess-the-most-embarrassing-thing-their-parents-ever-did/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/164620778542

[samanthasroberts]

30 People Confess The Most Embarrassing Thing Their Parents Ever Did

Found on AskReddit.

1. Dad had a giant boner where the tip was poking out of his stupid tight swimming trunks.

We were having a sweet sixteen for a family friend which was a pool party and I was invited being the same age as the birthday girl, the adult had their section over by the grill (naturally) where the hot tub was well. My dad unfortunately had the task of lifeguard since he was the only one that was CPR certified for his job. When I look over, the other adults had gone in and he was alone tending the grill and keeping an eye on the 20 other teens (most of them girls) lounging and playing games in the pool. As we walks over to the other side to pick up trash or whatever one of the girls yells EWWW and points at my dad. He had a giant boner where the tip was poking out of his stupid tight swimming trunks. And I was known as the son of a pedophile. I changed schools and that was that.

2. My mom accused me of sucking dick because I had zits.

My mom just said earlier that when she was younger, shed get zits on certain parts of her face for reasonsand her brother knew. You’ve been sucking that dick, haven’t you?

3. My mother would dress me as a girl when I cried because only girls cry.

My mother would dress me as a girl when I would cry when I was around 3 years old because only girls cry.

4. Dads horseplay left me nude in front of my friends.

I believe I was in third grade when this happened. I had two of best friends to my house for a sleepover and we were doing something in the living room when it was time for dinner. My dad thought it would be funny to take me to the dining room by picking me up by my feet and carrying me upside down. The only problem was that I was wearing sweatpants and when he lifted me he was grabbing more pant than ankle. I was in the air for a few seconds before I fell out of my pants onto the floor bottomless and dazed. Out of the sweats and boxers and all. I immediately ran away, Porky Pig style to cry in private. My dad came and tried to apologize but couldn’t stop laughing. At the time it was the most embarrassed I’d ever been. In retrospecthilarious.

5. Dad danced naked and projectile-vomited at a Christmas party.

My parents would hold a Christmas cocktail party every year. One year, my parents hired my sister and my sister’s best friend, let’s call her Patty since that was her name, to act as circulating cocktail waitresses, bringing drinks and finger foods to all the guests. They probably had 20 or 25 guests.

Dad got hammered. Woo-hoo, boy-howdy D-R-U-N-K. like in the movies, lampshade on the head drunk. Mom angrily sends Dad upstairs for a while.

The master bedroom was directly over the living room. All of a sudden, the guests start hearing these…noises from right above their heads. In her annoyance, my mother sends 15yo Patty, my sister’s best friend, upstairs to check.

And she proceeds to find my father, naked as the day he was born, jumping on the bed like a hyperactive 4yo, his manhood flapping in the breeze.

“Mr. Smith, are you OK? Patty asks, shocked to her core.

“I’m ” Dad exclaims, and then goes all Regan-from- on her. Just projectile vomiting everywhere. Covered the bed, two walls, a full-length mirror…an oscillating lawn sprinkler of puke.

Patty didn’t get married until her early 40s. I am convinced this incident had an impact on that situation.

My mother and father had a passionate, tempestuous relationship. But in the 24 years they were married, I don’t think I ever saw her as angry as I saw her that night and….for like the next two months. It took some other husband in her Junior League circle of friends to get caught banging a babysitter or something for my mother to get over it. It was just….

6. They made my brother and I wear matching outfits every day until we were 11.

Made my brother and I wear matching outfits every day until we were 11.

7. Mom is a little too open about her yeast infections.

My mom was on the phone with her doctor because she had thrush or something in her mouth. The doc said it’s probably a yeast infection. She immediately says Oh how strange. I usually get them on the other end! What the fuck, mom?

8. Mom nodded out from drugs and began snoring during my choir recital.

My mother liked drugsshe was high-functioning during the day at the time of this story but in the evening she partied. I begged her not to go to my high school freshman year Winter Concert (choir, and I had a solo). Second row there she was, positioned right in front of me with the lights from the stage illuminating her face…as she nodded out, and began to snore. I want to crawl inside of myself.

9. Mom clogged a motel toilet and bragged to the maintenance man.

My mother and I were staying at a hotel when I was around 15, and she took one of her epic dumps and clogged the toilet, so she had to call the front desk and have them send a maintenance guy. Guy walks in, he’s around 25, beautiful (of course), and my mother jokingly says to him, So now you have to guess which one of us has the huge colon.

10. They found my condoms and then gave me sex tips.

Found my condoms when they helped me move out of my freshman dorm. Then gave me sex tips.

11. My dad used to freestyle whenever I had friends over.

My dad used to freestyle whenever I had friends over. We are 100% white and I grew up, mostly, in the country. The one that I always remember happening was about diarrhea. Looking back though my dad was spittin hit fire in the 90s. He needs to drop a mixtape.

12. Mom would give me permission to go out with friends or to a sleep over and then report me as a missing person to the police.

After my Dad died in 1999, my Mom went a little nutty. She would give me permission to go out with friends or to a sleep over and then report me as a missing person to the police. Do you know what it’s like to be at a sleepover and have the cops come down the driveway for you? My friend’s Dad was PISSED. And then I get home and she like Oh, I’m so glad you’re alive. The police got sick of her and I got a cellphone.

13. My parents made out with each other at a party to embarrass me.

At my fourteenth birthday party my mom was lying on the couch while my friends and I all ate pizza in the dining room. My back was to the living room so I was the only person who couldn’t see my mom. Suddenly my friends all started to giggle. I turned around to see my father slowly crawling on top of my mother to make out with her. I guess I should mention that my parents weren’t ever affectionate with one another and that this was done purposefully to embarrass me.

14. My dad has horrible gas. HORRIBLEas in quantity and quality.

My dad has horrible gas. HORRIBLEas in quantity and quality. I’m pretty sure he emits toxic fumes. Anyway, when I was a kid he refused to contain or excuse himself to privacy like a normal person. He perfected the skill of nonchalant farting. He swore if he acted normal, no one would know he had passed gas. The icing was that he told a select few family and friends about this habit, so he knew those people would fidget and get uncomfortable when they realized he had dropped a stealth bomb; their uneasiness would make other people think they were the offender and not him. Needless to say, it was very embarrassing, but my dad was calm enough about it thatyes, people would often carry on like they didn’t smell it. This went on for years. My mom got sick when I was pretty young. She had early onset Alzheimer’s which for her meant she had no filter for many years prior to her diagnosis. So she started calling my dad out whenever he did it. Loudly. It was horriblehorrible to be the child of the man who is constantly farting around other people and the woman who shouted at him to shame him for doing it. In hindsight it’s kind of funny.

15. Dad ran away screaming from a mall interviewer.

Was with my dad at the mall, and you know the people who approach you to answer the surveys?? Well, this lady picked the wrong person, AKA my dad.

Sir, do you have time to answer some questions?

(Screams at the top of his lungs, puts up his hood and screams NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOO, while running away)

Leaving me there like.

16. There mom was, waddling around with this massive stomach talking about having too much gas, and calling my Dad’s new girlfriend a whore for being in a relationship outside of marriage.

Some backstory to add to how embarrassed I felt. My mother’s family was working class, many of which were trashy. My mother was clearly one of the trashy ones. My fathers family were immigrants, but all became wealthy somewhat early on and were a bit more refined. Anyway, not that important, but basically there was just this perceived dynamic that my mom was trashy and me and my brothers were always self-conscious about that.

So fast-forward a few years, my parents split up. In a few years my mom gets pregnant. Which you know was to he expected honestly. But then because she is aware of how my father’s family (who were grew up with more, and were still very close with) viewed her. So she knew this was just going to be icing on the cake for them. She basically decided to deny the pregnancy. No problem, right? If she wants to buy herself a month or two, go ahead.

Well, my genius mom decided she was going to deny the pregnancy the whole way through. How would she handle the birth of the twins she was carrying? She had no clue, till this day we have no idea what she thought she was going to do.

But basically she forced us to play along and waited until she was 5 months pregnant, and huuuuge to finally admit (basically my dad just said to her we all know and have known for a month at least) it.

But yea there she was, waddling around with this massive stomach talking about having too much gas, and calling my Dad’s new girlfriend a whore for being in a relationship outside of marriage. Speaking about it now, it’s the funniest thing I have ever heard ofbut at the time I felt immense shame.

17. My mother elbowed me in the ribs and stated, This is the nude scene.

My parents, who were quite conservative, took 12-year-old me to see a production of My mother elbowed me in the ribs and stated, This is the nude scene.

18. In front of my football team, Mom yelled, BYE JACOB, MOMMY LOVES YOU and wouldnt leave until I said love you back.

When I was 13 years old my mother dropped me off for football practice and when I was getting out of the car she said love you. wanting to look cool in front of my friends I didnt say it back, she said it again and I had joined my friends and closed the door. So of course the only logical thing to do was roll down the window and yell at the top of her lungs, BYE JACOB, MOMMY LOVES YOU and wouldnt leave until I said love you back. What a nightmare.

19. My dad sits on the couch in his underwear while typing on his MacBook and quoting Monty Python.

Not really a specific time, but when my friends come over (or any time really), my dad sits on the couch in his underwear while typing on his MacBook and quoting Monty Python. After a while of this, he will pick up his over 80-year-old saxophone and proceed to blast everyone’s eardrums with his improv jazz. Embarrassed me as a kid, but now I have the most chill dad out of my friends.

20. Mom put the ‘sag’ on in front of our whole school.

7th grade story. My mom hated the whole sagging-your-pants fad and threatened to sag her pants in front of my whole school if i continued to do it. Fast-forward to a nice and busy morning in the parking lot in front of the school where students were dropped off. I get out of the car, pants sagging along. She screams out the window to pull up my pants. I pretend like I dont hear her. She honks 5+ times to have everyones attention and proceeds to get out with her sweat pants down below her ass cheeks, granny panties flopping in the wind walking like a duck all while yelling mijo look! Needless to say I never sagged my pants again.

21. My mom complains about food to the staff in restaurants.

My mom complains about food to the staff in restaurants. The last time we ate she ordered fish and chips, she told the waiter it looks like it’s from McDonald’s. It makes me cringe inside forever.

22. My mom showed up to my school while I was in class to scold me for forgetting to take me ADHD medication.

My mom showed up to my school while I was in class to scold me for forgetting to take me ADHD medication. Like full-on screaming while I sat silently in horror while my classmates laughed. She interrupted an entire class to do this. To paint a better picture, my mom is like Lois from

23. My dad pushed me off my scooter in the middle of the high street and rode off on it.

My dad pushed me off my scooter in the middle of the high street and rode off on it. He also put rap music on his car and sang along with the windows open through the town

24. Dad was a snoring/farting machine.

My dad had a form of narcolepsy; he slept everywhere he went, people would stare at him all the time. The embarrassing part of this is, when he was asleep, he would let huge farts rip with no shame sometimes. I do miss him, though, even though he was a snoring/farting machine. To be more descriptive, imagine sitting in a crowded doctors waiting room or some other such public places. Your father is sitting next to you, sawing logs as loud as he can, all of a sudden he leans over and lets one rip. Simultaneously he lets out a loud AWWWWWWWWWWW to trumpet his ass-jiggling flatulence. Then in the end none of this would wake him up.

25. On the phone with my friend and my dad comes into my room to scream at me for getting period blood on my panties….after my very first period.

TMI incoming…On the phone with my friend and my dad comes into my room to scream at me for getting period blood on my panties….after my very first period. My friend on the phone heard everything and i couldnt even bear to keep talking, so i just hung up.

26. Dad made his butt talk in front of my friends.

I was watching TV with some friends, and my dad came out of his room, stood in front of the TV with his back to us, pulled his shorts down to expose his butt, and grabbed his butt cheeks to make them talk and say I have bad breath.

27. My grandpa would insult other kids out loud during baseball games.

Not my parents, but at my brother’s baseball games my grandpa will sit in the bleachers and insult the other kids out loud, oftentimes to the parents of those children themselves. Examples include _____ is such a fuckin’ jerk or He’d be a good first baseman if he didn’t suck tits.

28. My father wore a “Huggies #1” hat because he knew it embarrassed his sons.

My father wore a Huggies #1 hat, like the diaper brand, that he found on the side of the road. He wore it whenever he went anywhere with me or my bros for a few years.

He did it solely because he knew it embarrassed his boys. He loved trolling us.

It’s now in his garage collecting dust, and I want it… but he won’t let me have it because it’s his favorite hat.

Oh, and he did wear it again recently when we went pier fishing on a visit. Still embarrassing, but I see the humor now, too.

29. Mom yells at retail workers.

Im always humiliated when my mom yells at retail workers…or waiters…she seems to have no concept of when a problem is actually someone’s fault or not. Like, the lady behind the cash register has no control over the irregular sizing of the Old Navy jeans.

30. My dad mowed the lawnWITH me.

My dad is a bit of a control freak, especially so about his lawn and garden. My father didn’t make me mow the lawn. I was not ALLOWED to. To be totally honest, by and large he didn’t like the idea of teaching me how to do any man stuff, he’d prefer to just do it and be done with it. I am a super-advanced flashlight holder and beer fetcher, though.

One summer he had reconstructive shoulder surgery. Dad, come on, you can’t be pushing the mower around with your arm in a sling. It isn’t rocket science. I am happy to do it for you.

He hemmed and hawed for awhile but finally conceded I would probably have to do it. He gave me the the super-complicated instructions of pull cord, push around in straight line before doing the most embarrassing thing he’s ever done to me.

He walked with me, his good hand on the mower, for the entire duration of mowing his front and back lawn.

I was like 26 at the time. TWENTY-SIX.

I was married and living on my own at the time. Also I am a dude.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/08/26/30-people-confess-the-most-embarrassing-thing-their-parents-ever-did/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/08/26/30-people-confess-the-most-embarrassing-thing-their-parents-ever-did/