#i just counted and if i don't want to miss any communication lectures

[roseaesynstylae]

Star Wars: Republic Commando: Hard Contact, The Remaining Chapters

Okay, this is different. It's basically a speed-run, going over everything that I feel is interesting in the remainder of the book. Part of it is exhaustion, and part of it is that most of this book is actually pretty decent and I decided to just focus on the stuff that stood out to me.

Chapter 10

"'I meant I could help with martial skills. If you want to train with your lightsaber.'

'I'd probably end up slicing off something you'd miss later.'"

Okay, this little exchange is pretty funny.

Chapter 13

"Weequay didn't all look the same. She knew this one. He had chased her across a barq field. He was a rapist and a murderer, not that the descriptions set him apart from any other of Hokan's thugs. She reached for her lightsaber."

That was my reaction to the word rapist being used in Star Wars. Nothing much else to say, I just really wasn't expecting the word to actually be written out on page.

Chapter 14

"She was a Jedi. Skirata said they were fine people, but they didn't -- and couldn't -- care about anyone."

Okay!

Before I get to the meat of it, I'd like to say that that's a much nicer statement than I ever expected from Kal Skirata about the Jedi. I don't think Traviss had his personality down yet.

And now... "They didn't care about anyone?" "They couldn't care about anyone?" Uhhh...

*in a very fake nice way* Did you by any chance forget that Anakin -- Anakin -- said "Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is essential to a Jedi's life. So you might say, that we are encouraged to love." Did you not notice how much the various members of the Jedi Order clearly care for each other? Do you not remember that the Jedi help people and repeatedly show display compassion to those they help?

Jedi-Bashing: 18

Chapter 15

"So how do we justify what we are doing now? Breeding men without choice, and without freedom, to fight and die for us? When do the means justify the end? Where is our society heading? What are our ideals, and what are we without them? If we give in to expedience this way, where do we draw the line between ourselves and those we find unacceptably evil? I have no answer, Master. Do you?"

-- Jedi Padwan Bardan Jusik, addressing the Jedi Council

(I only wish I could communicate as much disdain as this one expression.)

I'll just leave you with a couple points.

The Jedi did not order the clone army. Sifo-Dyas did. Yes, he was a Jedi, but his order was explicitly unknown to the Council.

The Jedi did not want to enter the war, nor use soldiers like that, but they had no choice.

Basically all Jedi we see (aside from Pong Krell) care a lot about the troopers under their command. (For further information, see Koon, Plo.)

In conclusion, shut up and don't lecture the Council on things they definitely have been concerned about.

Jedi-Bashing: 26 (one for each sentence in that paragraph)

Di'kut Count: 6

So, in conclusion...

All I have to say about this book is two things. One, this is probably the RepComm novel I'm probably going to like the most. Two, I can't believe that the Jedi hate in this series is a case of unreliable narrators. Look at all the little jabs in this book, where there's no physical appearance from the notorious Kal Skirata, where there's no reason for anyone to really think of the Jedi negatively. But, it can still be ignored. That's not something I can say about the rest of the books.

Brace yourselves, people. Triple Zero is coming and with it, Republic Commando's most infamous character.

Main Post

[cathode-crew]

I don't see a lot of posts detailing how hard high school and college are for neurodivergent people. I know maybe it's because a lot of ND people might not make it to college or even K-12, but I think its worth talking about. It is seriously something so annoying and devastating to hear more about destigmatization and accommodations and an increas of inclusiveness of ND people in colleges and work places, only to see that it's not really true and navigating/understanding the system is horrible.

I don't think anyone has a responsibility to work, but I genuinely want to and find myself (hypothetically) able to. Considering the big spectrum of many disorders, I think I'm ultimately a bit fortunate in that I can be a great student and I'm pretty smart. And yet despite that, I'm having a horrible time actually understanding what I can only refer to as "el chiste" (the joke). The way the system really works and what all NTs automatically know and follow, but don't directly say it or explain to anyone.

Schools and work places say they want smart, passionate hardworkers, but that's not what's important. Having good connections to people and time/money to take shadowing positions and trips was what actually counted.

The issue with being ND and school goes beyond having difficulty with a specific subject and focusing.

It's also not engaging with the class lecture or interacting with other students, due to being socially withdrawn or socially awkward.

It's being unable to network and making friends or acquaintances.

It's being very punctual and busy with studying that you miss out on apparently crucial club activities/school events/volunteer work. They say "read the textbook and do all your homework which for a 2 hpur and 2 days of the week class is 8 hours." That leaves me with no time to do a part-time job or volunteer or do extracurricular activities or anything. Other students prioritized non-class stuff and put it on their resumes and grad applications. I have nothing to put on those and look like an incompetent applicant for doing what they told me ("do good in classes"). Nobody filled me in on the secret/joke.

Being smart was not what any of it was about. It was being able to make small talk and have zero communication limitations or being socially inept. I got nowhere despite actually working hard to get 4.0s and loving the field I chose. My peers just complained about the classes and admitted to never reading even required texts, never came to class and cheating on quizzes and take home exams, but they move forward because without actually doing the work or spending time studying they got to volunteer and shadow and work on their statements.

[unsettlingcreature]

happy thip thursday I got tagged by @miraakulous-cloud-district to share a wip of what I'm working on!! so here's a snippet of what I've been tentatively calling "errant lad" :3 I don't know who to tag in particular for this, mainly because I lose track of who is writing stuff so consider this an open tag to anyone who wants to join in!!

Glancing away, Max carried on to his destination; the desks. At first, he just searched for an empty spot he could borrow without disturbing anything. But as he looked, it became clear that it was full. Setting the homework down on a chair, he reached for some of the sketches only to be interrupted by Noah's quiet voice.

"Don't."

Maxim turned to face him. "These desks are for communal use."

"Use the library for now," Noah suggested. "We'll clear you a space for later. Just don't touch Issy's stuff."

"Seriously?" When Noah didn't budge, Maxim groaned. "Fine. Fine! Get it sorted by tomorrow. I only have until Thursday to get this done."

"If it's for Murdock's class, you'll have better luck in the library anyway. You'll have missed whatever lecture it was for that work."

"Seriously?" Max repeated the word, though this time his frustration was aimed at the teacher and not his roommate. "If even you know more about that homework than I do, I'm screwed."

Ignoring the dig, Noah just sighed. "It doesn't count towards your final grade so just skip it and use the time to catch up. You're already four and a half lessons behind."

"Yes, but it'd only be the four if it weren't for a certain someone." When he didn't receive a reply, Max just sighed and turned to leave only to be stopped once again by Noah.

"Issy thinks that he's the one responsible for earlier," he said, avoiding Maxim's eyes in favour of his textbook. "He's trying to think of how he can make things up to you and avoid doing it again. In my opinion…" He looked up again, a dismissive glance that lasted only a second. "You're not worth it. You're just snob with a rich daddy who'll throw money at any problems you make until they disappear. Whatever you did for that expulsion must have been bad if it was something that even money couldn't fix."

For a moment, Max couldn't breathe. It was the most words he'd heard from Noah all day and they were scathingly caustic. Once his lungs remembered how to work, he took a deep breath as he fought to stay calm. On the exhale, it came out as more of a hiss and he knew he had no chance at winning this.

This was worse than Jason, in a way. Jason was familiar in that Maxim had dealt with his kind before even though his words had left him reeling from the reminder that what had happened couldn't stay hidden forever. Noah's familiarity came in his eyes, hollow in a way that Max saw every time he looked in a mirror. But more than that were the words themselves. It was why he couldn't find it in him to deny the words; because they were the same as the thoughts that rattled in his head even now.

Deep down, he knew he deserved this. He had been the first to bite and Noah was simply retaliating, using the ammunition freely given and available. Maxim knew he had no right to be upset and yet he couldn't help the sting of perceived betrayal.

Homework forgotten, he turned on his heel and fled with what felt like Noah's green eyes following him all the way.

[onelostseagull]

i’m starting to see why so many students quit communication studies, i would bet money many of them also had english studies and went which narrow minded fuck made these schedules, my options are to be at the same place physically like twice a week or push modules into later semesters and effectively spend more semesters doing the same shit b.a.s with other combinations do in three years. or idk, miss some shit and fucking wing the exams ? no thank youu :))

[jonnnysuh]

How To Write Good // Vernon

A/N: It all started with watching Vernon’s English tutor series and now we’re here omg. This is my first series so please give it some love <3 kind of unedited so lmk if there’s any mistakes! PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE

PAIRING: Vernon x You

GENRE: enemies to ???, fluff, student!vernon, tutor!vernon

WARNINGS: swearing

WORD COUNT: 2.7K

SUMMARY: There’s the crisp air of campus, the rush of something new, and a four year degree ahead of you. Your college experience doesn’t go off as smoothly as you’d hoped when you fall asleep on course selection day and are stuck with left over electives. Struggling to get through your creative writing class, you have no idea how you’re going to get through this semester. Fate steps in when the stranger you fought in the library might just be your only chance at passing. This is all just part of the college experience… right?

Orange leaves began surrounding the burnt red brick pathway, and the small green hills of the campus quad.  Fall was fast approaching, without much warning.  The bright summer sky, now often clouds of gray. The wind brushed past you, causing your hair to fly up. Your legs brushed together quickly as you tried to make your way through campus to get to your Writing in the Arts class. You swore to yourself that you wouldn't sleep through course selection but sometimes sleep was an actual priority to you...and it so happened to be on that day.  Not your first choice, but definitely miles ahead of  Economic History on the list of leftover electives.

You flipped over your wrist to take a look at the time on your brown pleather watch. 8:12.

Professor Hampton was an older woman, who always kept her sandy brown hair in a slick tight low bun. She had enforced a rule that the doors to the lecture hall would shut 15 minutes past the hour. If you didn’t make it then you’d have to get notes from a classmate. Maybe it’d be fine if you had a friend in the class that was actually punctual, but you had often sat alone in the same spot in the far left corner of the class room.  Time was definitely never on your side as you reckoned you only had 3 minutes left until your trip downtown was rendered useless. 

You swung the thick metal door open, and began pumping your legs forward, not stopping until you reached the top of the stairs. To your luck, the lecture hall was on the exact end of the hallway. As you took longer strides, your gray backpack bounced behind you. Finally arriving at the end of the long hallway, you came face to face with Professor Hampton, who had a scowl so thick you’d think it was drawn on with a felt tip permanent marker. Without an ounce of forgiveness, that old lady secured the door shut, eyes keen on your betrayed face just a few centimetres from hers.

With the little pride you still had, you contained the urge  to bang on the door repeatedly and say "OPEN UP."

If you hadn't had time to get ready that day, or missed your bus, dammit this would've been the boiling point that would've driven you to  kick the wall. Your saving grace was that there was a cute guy typing away on his laptop in this hallway and you'd be damned if you were about to look a fool.

It was that moment, you knew that if you were going to pass this class without sacrificing a wink of sleep, you were going to have to make a friend that was good at writing notes. And quick.

—

The next day, you navigated your way through the twists and turns of the library, never having had been there a day in your life. You swear you’d gone in a circle at this point. You promised your best friend, Taylor that you’d secure a spot for your impromptu study date. Although you both had good intentions, you knew it was more than likely going to become a gossip session that involved sometimes looking at class material.

Among the rows and rows of occupied tables, you finally found an empty table, situated next to the window that overlooked the architecture and art buildings. You settled in the chair, slipping your laptop out of your tote bag , and typing mindlessly to look busy while you waited for your friend. With a look around the room, you wondered if people actually studied at the library or if they were just faking it like you.

You were so immersed in your game of Tetris you almost didn’t hear the voice that said , “Hey, I think you’re at the wrong table.”

You paused your game and surveyed the empty wooden table you were sitting at.  You blinked slowly at the brown haired man.  “I was here first.”

“That might be true but I booked it out for the hour.” The stranger stood with a slight slouch, sporting a backwards snapback and a deep green hoodie. He didn't look like the type to hang out around the library- but then again, neither did you. You swear you had seen him before, but you couldn't place where.

Did I go to high school with him?  you thought.

What if he was ugly and had a glow up and that’s why I don’t recognize him?

You took a closer look at him.

Nah. I don’t think he’s ever been ugly in his life.

“Look. My name's right here." He leaned forward, showing you his screen.

[TABLE 9] 3:00pm - Vernon C.

You pushed the phone away, unimpressed. "But you showed up late."

"It was only 6 minutes." Vernon scoffed, as if his tardiness would automatically forfeit him from his table.

"Well, have you ever heard of finder's keepers?"

Vernon nodded, his voice pointed. "But have you ever heard of fair and square?"

You tried your best to conceal the fact that you were somewhat amused by his elementary-level comeback.

"Could you look into your great, big heart to share?” You pouted tauntingly.

"Oh, yeah, because you need a table to play Tetris." He responded sarcastically but it was as if he had crept into your mind. You dreaded the idea of being on your feet trying to find another place for your game.

Your best friend rolled in between you two innocently, confused at the interaction at hand. It was like a kid walking in on their mom and dad fighting for the first time… except dad is a Tetris-hating stranger you just met 3 minutes ago.

“Sorry I’m late, Y/N.”  Taylor interjected, trying her best to mend the atmosphere with a grin.  Vernon's posture went notably straight as he exhaled, returning a sweet close-lipped smile. You couldn't help but notice the way he looked at your friend- you squinted at the shadow of the difference between this Vernon and the one that basically told you to fuck off only moments prior.

Without a doubt, you knew he was suffering from the "Taylor Effect".

Taylor was your textbook girl next door; equipped with a warm demeanour, and a confidence that was endearing rather than cocky.  You could tell that Vernon was trying his best not to stare so obviously, but he was failing miserably.

Because everyone gravitated towards her, many found it odd that she chose to keep you as company. Sometimes you thought she stuck around only because your personalities were so starkly different and would emphasize how great she was, but time and time again she proved she was notable on her own accord.

"Did I interrupt something?"

You and the man shared a look.

Vernon had a feeling that if he let you speak first, that you might ruin his chances with Taylor, and there was absolutely NO shot that he was going to tell her what had just happened. You were quick to take advantage of the situation.

“Vernon just wanted to take the tab-“

He shook his head, "No, no, no I was just leaving."

You raised your eyebrow, smugly.

“I'll see you later,” He bid.  Your eyes widened as he went closer to you, clasping his hand around yours and pulling you forwards into an almost embrace. He dapped you up. Vernon dapped you up. What? Did he think you were bros now?

Ya, right. You thought. This is my first and last time in this library. You will never see me or my Tetris again.

And with that, he swung his backpack over his shoulder  coolly and headed down the long carpeted aisle in the other direction.

Only a few moments later did he return to go through the north exit. “Wrong way.” He mumbled, charting past both of you.

—

“So you don’t know anyone in that class?” Taylor said in disbelief as you two sat at the table you had only marginally won.

“No, I missed the first two weeks so by the time I actually went to class  they already had their groups.”  you responded, blowing air out of your mouth in frustration.

School had only just begun and Taylor had swept up a bunch of friends, including you, in just this one semester.

You, on the other hand, were awkward, but not in the forgivable way. You never knew the right thing to say, and your sarcasm drew a fine line between a joke and the truth. You felt like you always had to bite your tongue to hold a decent conversation with someone. In turn, this scared a lot of people away, and resulted in a small but good group of friends that understood you.

For some reason though, you did well with confrontation. That was the only time you could force yourself to not care about what someone else thought about you. Other than that, your communication skills were almost useless.

“So go up to those kids and say hi.” Taylor responded.

You knew your best friend was being well meaning, but sometimes she felt like she oversimplified your problems because she saw it through her own lens. Of course it would be easy for Taylor to do so, but for you it would be a different story. Your stomach turned at even the mere thought of introducing yourself to the group of strangers that always sat all the way in the front of the lecture hall.

“I’ll just figure it out. I don't know how to just talk to people."

“What about that guy that I just saw you with? What was that about?”

You cleared your throat, fixing your attention to your laptop screen. Getting work done suddenly seemed more interesting.

“No, no, no look at me.” Taylor dragged your laptop away.

You begrudgingly looked at your friend. “What about him?”

“Who was that? He was kind of cute.” She cupped her cheek with her hand and sat closer, clearly interested. It was rare to see you with anyone other than your usual friend group so Taylor was invested in your endeavours outside of it.

You knew that if you told Taylor about your weird argument with a stranger, that she’d explain that you were unfriendly, that you needed to be nicer, etc. etc. You didn’t need a lecture today.

“Just some dude who finished using the table.”

Taylor chuckled, “What kind of guy says bye like that to a person he just met?”

Her guess was as good as yours.

—

ONE WEEK LATER

Determination is setting 25 morning alarms, pre-picking your clothes and opting for an on-the-go breakfast in order to just make it on time for class. You took your final strides towards the class slowly, knowing you finally had time on your side. Would it be crazy to call waking up at 6am a victory? Doesn’t matter, you were just so happy, you could answer Professor Hampton’s questions… that is, if you listened.

At the bottom of the lecture hall, sat the aforementioned groups, while the top were lonesome stragglers looking at their phones in an effort to look less lonely. You knew they were probably just reviewing their settings; turning their wifi on and off.

Professor Hampton cleared her throat into the microphone at the front of the class, prompting you to pick up the pace to your regular spot at the far left corner.

No way.

Your speed slowed down again, as you craned your head to get a better look at a brown-haired boy sitting by himself.

Despite the numerous empty seats to choose from, your caffeine rush assisted you in making the possibly dumb decision of sitting exactly right next to him. He seemed unbothered, though as he didn’t look up to question it.

Professor Hampton played her slides, while you pulled out your laptop out of your tote bag.

“Hey.” You whispered.

The man’s light brown eyes flickered towards you.

“You’re in this class?” Vernon whisper-exclaimed.

It registered in your brain that this might’ve been a mistake.

You nodded.

Vernon kept his focus on the front of the class, his pencil swivelled  away on his lined paper. You had never seen anyone actually take real-life notes before. You scanned his paper, pleasantly surprised at the organization.

“Why did you dap me up last week?”

“I honestly don’t know what I was doing.” He admitted.

Boys do dumb things around pretty girls. You'd seen it happen so many times with Taylor.

“She’s cute isn’t she?”

“Who?” Vernon was quick to play dumb, but he clearly knew. 

You were fascinated by how he was writing and listening to you at the same time.

“Taylor—my friend.”

Vernon squinted his eyes, either to think or because he couldn’t see the projection clearly. It made you wonder why he sat in the back of the class if that was the case.

“Yeah, she is.”

Bingo.

You silently relished in your impromptu decision to sit next to a stranger.

“What would you say if I got you a date with her?”

Vernon put his pencil down. “You strike me as the kind of person who wouldn’t do that out of the kindness of your heart.”

You snorted. “You’re right.”

Vernon let out a deep sigh, pushing his hoodie sleeve up his arms. He relaxed back in his seat and stared at you as he waited for your proposal.

“What is it?” His deep voice was littered with impatience but it was clear he was at least curious.

You weren’t  prepared to gain his full attention. Your mind went several ways as you collected your thoughts to be as concise as possible.

“I’m struggling in this class, okay? I can’t always make it on time, and creative writing? Not really something I’m interested in.”

“Then why’d you take the class?”

“Why does anyone do anything here? For the credit.” You responded as if the answer was obvious.

Vernon’s raised eyebrows was enough to tell you that he was actually passionate about this subject— which was perfect for you if you wanted to pass the class.

“How do I come into this, though?” His patience running thin from your incredibly interesting backstory.

“If you tutor me up until midterms and I pass, I’ll get you a date with Taylor.”

He shook his head “What if you fail?”

“Then you can take that as a reflection of your teaching skills,” Vernon rolled his eyes. Okay maybe that was a bad joke. “but on the plus side you’ve gained a new friendddddd.”

Professor Hampton gave you two a dirty look on her way back from shutting the lecture hall’s door. Vernon picked up his pencil to look busy and you tapped on your trackpad to turn the screen on.

“And what if I say no?” Vernon said between his teeth, catching the professor glare right at him with her scowl turned up to one hundred.

“Then I’ll shit talk about you to Taylor so you never have a chance.” You threatened. Your mom always urged you to use your brain, and boy, were you using it.

“You want me to teach you how to be creative?”

You shrugged. “I mean, how hard can it be?”

Vernon looked down at his notes contemplating his choices. He was silent for so long that you actually started typing notes.

“Y/N” Vernon whispered. You seemed to be fully immersed in the lesson now. Your eyes absorbing the information... Maybe writing was kind of fascinating.

“Y/N” He tried again, snapping you out of a trance.

“My bad.” you apologized. “I didn’t know the interesting part of the story was called the climax like ew—”

“I can only tutor you on Thursdays between 6 and 8 in the library. Bring your laptop and be prepared to learn.”

You knew you didn’t have class at those hours, so it should’ve been fine, but you also dreaded staying after school longer than you had to.

“What about 4-6?” You pleaded.

Vernon looked offended at your counter offer. “No. 6-8”

“4:30…?” You tried once again.

Vernon snorted at your no-quit attitude. “You wanna pass or not?”

You stuck out your hand defeatedly and Vernon shook on it before either of you could change your mind. Vernon was your new tutor.

Maybe Taylor was right. All you had to do was go up to someone and say “hi.”

And blackmail them. And use your friend as bait.

Making friends was easy.

[charliedawn]

Imagine being the only angel that still believes in Lucifer's redemption part 2

https://charliedawn.tumblr.com/post/646303435890769920/imagine-being-the-only-angel-that-likes-lucifer 1st part

Lucifer doesn't know what to do..He had woken up to a bunch of children poking him with little sticks, with no sign of you or Gabriel. He had no way to communicate with you and was feeling that the gates of Hell had closed their doors..He couldn't enter. Gabriel had made sure to block all of his usual accesses and even Mazikeen couldn't enter. He sighs loudly out of frustration before joining his hands and looking up, wondering if you could still hear him.

" I don't know if it will work but..I miss you, angel..I know that you thought you were doing good in replacing me, but I..I'm afraid that your decision may have altered things too much. I do not hear the souls of all those who should be suffering in Hell, and I feel empty without you by my side..You don't belong down there. It isn't your cross to bare.."

He takes a drag of his cigaret and let's out a puff of smoke before chuckling bitterly to himself.

" You know..I've noticed something. During your last visit, you said that you loved me at least 3 times..But I never thought about saying it back..In fact, I don't remember ever saying it back..Not once in 50 times you decided to come visit me.."

He seems to freeze for a moment at the realization before hitting his forehead with the palm of his hand, trying to hide his tears from the world as the guilt takes over him.

" I'm such an idiot, angel..You must feel so lost and confused right now.."

He tries to keep his cool, but it is becoming harder and harder. His hands are shaking and he feels the tears welling up at the corner of his eyes. Even his tears sting as he thinks of you, ruling Hell and scared of being caught. The thought only making him grip his hair tightly and groan in frustration. Chloe had tried to cheer him up the best she could, but..

"..She isn't you.."

He finally mumbles to himself and suddenly, his grief turns into rage as he remembers that you had defied him..HIM ! He was supposed to be the one keeping Hell, you had disobeyed his direct order, as if what he had said was of no importance..You are mad..There is no other explanation..

" I won't leave you there ! You hear me ! Can't you see the state in which I am because you're gone ?! My little angel..Your trick won't last long..And then ? What will you do ? Any demon could get their hands on you and..?!"

He closes his eyes and inhales deeply as thousands of thoughts of what those creatures would do to you..He had seen what they were capable of, and many wouldn't bat an eye before dismembering you for their own sadistic pleasure..The thought alone makes him shiver and turn his eyes red.

" If you can hear me, angel. Run. Get out of there. I don't want you to see to which extent this place is depraved, to which extent humans are. I don't want to see the faith you have for them falter..nor your love for me.."

He pauses before admitting that last part, knowing that that was his own selfish desire. He sighs loudly, he needed to get out of here and teleports himself to the nearby beach to take a big inspiration of the salty air and relaxes before continuing with a heavy heart, knowing that it would hurt you if you heard his next words.

" We should have never met, Y/N..I tend to destroy everything that I touch..You were only an innocent little angel and we both knew that, one day, this relationship would lead to something disastrous..I'm so sorry for not having reacted sooner..Dad was right..It would have been better for me to erase all of your memories, instead of keeping the first ones. They only paint a very different version of me..If you come back, I promise to give you everything back. I know that some of the memories will make you hate me, or even feel disgusted..But, that way, you will finally see the monster that you're trying to help.."

He lowers his head and nearly jumps out of his seat when he hears a voice behind him.

" Talking to someone ?"

He turns around swiftly to see you standing there with a small smile playing on your lips.

" Aren't you tired of praying someone that can't hear you ? It's been 5 years, brother..She can't hear you. She's been ignoring my calls as well.."

He only groans in annoyance when he recognizes the condescending voice of his twin and turns towards the counter as fast as he had turned around. But, unlike what he had previously thought, Michael doesn't leave and sits next to him, asking a glass of wine to Mazikeen that first glances at Lucifer for approval, which his finally gives with a slight nod of his head.

" So..What brings you to my charming little establishment, brother?"

Lucifer asks when Michael has his drink, that he gulps in one go to Lucifer's astonishment. Well..So much for the vow of sobriety..

" I know that you know where she is, Lucifer..Even though you won't admit it. An angel can't just disappear without you knowing something about it..I won't ask you where she is, I just wanna know if she's alright?"

Lucifer would have normally made a joke about him becoming attached to you, gladly invited him to leave or ignored him all together..But, surprisingly, he didn't have the will to and he sounded so genuine in his worry that Lucifer has to admit with a loud sigh.

" I don't know, Michael..As you could have guessed, every communication with her has been answered by a deafening silence..Wherever she is, she doesn't want to be found.."

Michael mimics his sigh and, for a moment, the same expression of worry and silent contemplation appear on both their faces as they stare far ahead at an invisible spot in front of them..Angels were archangels charge, not important enough to inform Father himself. But, still..Michael couldn't get you out of his head..Not that angels didn't frequently disappear, either slayed by some demon or wanted to become some guardian angel of Earth..But, this was you they were talking about. You had never left this long before and were too weak to be of any particular interest for any demon..However, that didn't mean he didn't worry about you. Where have you gone to? Knowing that he wouldn't probably find any answer with Lucifer, he decides to stand up and take his leave. However, to his surprise, Lucifer asked as he looks at him with a small mocking smile.

" You know that your an idiot, right?"

Michael frowns in incomprehension and also a bit vexed by Lucifer's insult. Lucifer that picks on his confusion as to what he was talking about, adds while pouring himself another glass of whiskey.

" You've had so many occasions to tell her how you truly felt..But each time, you were too much of a scaredy cat to do anything about it. Even when I was up there, it was so painful to watch. It's funny how we were born with the same face, at the exact same time and place..But, we are so different..I immediately knew what I felt for her the moment our eyes met, and I didn't waste my time like you did.."

Michael doesn't turn around, he only turns his head just enough to catch a glimpse of Lucifer's face when he replies.

" Is that so? Then, tell me, how did that work out for you, brother? She would have done anything for you, and you still find ways to hurt her..How many times must you fall before you realize that she is the only one to have ever truly and unconditionally believed in you?"

Lucifer doesn't respond and Michael doesn't wait for and answer as he walks towards the door..Fools. They were both fools in love with the same damn angel. Unaware to the both of them that someone was spying on their discussion..

" Master ?"

You had been so concentrated on listening to the discussion that you had failed to hear that the demon besides you was talking.

" Mmh?"

You mutter at the end, clearly not interested in whatever he was saying. However, the demon doesn't seem that surprised, Lucifer surely wasn't the most attentive angel after all..

" What do you think we should do with the rest of the murderers on level 4?"

Before you could truly think about the answer, you say out loud.

" Oh..Uh..Forgive them?"

The six eyes of the demon widen at the same time and he quizzically looks at you with confusion.

" My lord?"

The demon seems to not comprehend your demand and you want to face-palm yourself so hard..How did Luci ever managed to know what to do?!

" I mean torture them! Why are you coming to me for that, don't you know how to do your own job? Must I send you in the pit of eternal fire for you to finally understand not to disturb me?!"

If you were being honest? You loved pretending to be Lucifer. He was free and spent most of his time just barking orders on his throne. Since the humans were all sinners down there, nobody cared to do paperwork and everybody was obeying you..While in Heaven, you were just an angel, not a high-ranked one either..The only advantage you had was that power, the power to shapeshift. You usually used it to prank people of joke light-heartedly while mimicking archangel Gabriel when he would come and lecture you..Most of the other angels never understood you, and maybe this is why you had never assigned a higher post in the hierarchy? Not that Gabriel would ever let you become an archangel..You smile at the man that you had learned to consider as a big brother and a friend..It was thanks to him that you had met Luci. One day, as you were welcoming a new soul, a man that you recognized as archangel Michael came to supervise your work. To say that you had been stressed would be a huge understatement. Of course, he couldn't exactly fire you, but you knew that angels could be sent to Hell to take care of the bad souls..or worse. You remember Gabriel telling you that archangels, unlike common angels had the power to "kill" angels, or make them disappear anyway..This is why, you had decided to be on your best behavior that day, however you hadn't counted on Luci being there. You didn't ask when, in the middle of the meeting, Michael had excused himself and left, only to reappear a few moments later with a huge grin..

" So, how's the angel business doing?"

You forced yourself to smile and look back at him to list him a bunch of names you had processed that very day. Many angels did not see the point of your job..However, Luci was different. As soon as you looked up at him, his smile faltered and he frowned, as if he knew that you weren't genuinely smiling.

" Stop that."

He had ordered you and you had looked confused at the time.

" That. Don't smile..You look fake.."

You knew better than disobey an angel's direct command and stopped smiling.

" Does my appearance displease you, archangel Michael ?"

You asked, wondering if it was your face that was not to his taste or your whole appearance in itself ? He shook his head negatively before turning around and sighing.

" I thought you would be more interesting..A shame. From what I heard, you like to think outside of the box and make sure that everybody gets to laugh in Heaven..However, I've been following you since this morning, and you haven't succeeded in making me crack up even once..Care to explain why ?"

His accusative tone caught you by surprise, the great Michael wanted you to..make him laugh? That was unexpected..But, since he asked..A true smirk appears on your face as you think of some human joke that may earn a reaction from the archangel.

" Okay..Let's see..Do you promise not to get mad ?"

He arked an eyebrow, intrigued before smirking.

" Depends.."

Well, here was nothing..You had very few information on mankind and the future..Only Father had this sort of information. However, you all had been given the book of Truth that guided humanity..including the passage which talked about his son falling and being crucified to save humanity..You knew better than to joke about that, but what could you do to try to make the great Michael to laugh?!

" Why doesn't Jesus trust mankind ?"

The eyes of Lucifer widened, he hadn't expected that..

" Why ?"

You looked around, as if you were afraid that someone might hear you before whispering.

"He's afraid he'll get double crossed.."

At first, Luci stayed still, but soon his mouth etched into a grin and his eyes brightened with a certain amount of amusement.

" Ah ! I think that joke nailed it!"

His answer made you blank for a moment, but soon, you felt excited. When you had told your joke to Gab, he had simply sighed in utter despair, quickly reprimanding you on how this was no laughing matter..However, knowing that Michael could understand dark humour was the best surprise you'd had for centuries of existence.

" Listen, I have to go..But, keep up the good work and I'll be sure to check in once or twice.."

You smiled genuinely and nodded vividly, impatient to see him again.

" Ah! Here it is! You have a rather beautiful smile, angel..Try to use this one more often.."

You blushed at the compliment and Lucifer winked at you before walking away. Was that just your imagination or did the archangel Michael gave you a compliment ?! You squealed and let yourself do a little victory dance, interrupted by someone coughing loudly behind you. You turned around to see Michael standing there and blushed even more as he eyed you up and down with an amused smile.

" May I know what inspired that sudden little demonstration of happiness, angel Y/N ?" " You decided to ignore his question and ask teasingly instead.

" Did you perhaps come to hear one or two more of my jokes, archangel Michael ? Couldn't get enough ?"

Suddenly, archangel Michael walked straight towards you and lean in so close that you were starting to wonder if you hadn't made a mistake..He arked an eyebrow at you before replying quizzically.

" Weren't you informed that I was supposed to see you today ? The inspection ?"

Your eyes widened, stammering your answer.

" B..But you already d..did ? No?"

He raised an eyebrow in surprise before sighing loudly, understanding what had happened.

" You must have met my brother..Lucifer can be a little eccentric. Do not mind him. I hope that he wasn't too much of a hassle ?"

You turned around to hide your embarrassment, as you had confused Michael with his brother ! However, Michael didn't seem to really mind and only sighs before looking at the files you had made on the advantages of laughter, which earned you a small smile from him.

" I must admit, we were impressed by your work..Especially, the "twin prank". Me and Lucifer had a lot of fun in trying it on the other archangels..and even Father who laughed when we both started dressing as each other and walking around to see who would recognize us..But, what was the funniest, I must admit, was your own reaction. You created that idea, and yet had trouble recognizing it..Wouldn't that mean that we outsmarted you?"

Michael looks up at you with a mischievous grin and you can't help but smile back. At last, you had found other players among all of the archangels..Lucifer and Michael, huh ? Well played..Well played, gentlemen..

" No..Not at all..It just means that the rematch will be sweeter for me.."

You start shifting to their appearance and take one step towards Michael with a daring smile.

" See, archangel. When you try to prank the prankster, you must always expect the game to go on. Now, good luck to differentiate me to your brother.."Am I him ?" You'll both ask yourselves and I will be enjoying immensely your confusion as you both lose your heads.."

Michael, far from feeling threatened, smiles at you..You were different from the other angels he had ever encountered, that was for sure..He suddenly tookyou by the waist and watched as you blushed intensely. He then lowers his face to whisper in your ear. " I've got other ways to find out if your my brother or not.." You both hear a chuckle behind you and and look at Lucifer, smirking widely as he looked over the both of you. This is how you three had bonded: over a prank. And since then, you had never left their sides..Or at least until Lucifer's great fall..

The scared voice of the demon besides you gets you back to reality.

" No! Of course not my lord! I'm sorry..Please, forgive me..The level 4 is overcrowded and we must find a new place to put the new arrivals. Maybe if your majesty could create more space in this area?"

One of tree things that you had not predicted however is that Lucifer was a being capable of manipulating Hell's pit, as he was the one that had created it. Whereas your power only consisted in copying the physical aspects of a being, not its powers..

" I..I.."

You try to find an excuse, but nothing comes to mind, until a hand puts itself on your shoulder.

" No problem. I'm sure the lord is just feeling a bit lost after his long stay in the pitiful human world.."

You look up to find a demon with half of his face burnt down to a crisp and who looks at you with big green eyes. Somehow, he seemed far more intimidating than the other one and also intelligent as his eyes seem to pierce right through you. You shiver at his devilish smirk and quickly stand up to face him, in order to not make yourself even more suspicious.

" And who are you to tell me if I'm lost or not?! Who even gave you the permission to touch me, hmm?"

The demon suddenly takes a step backwards in surprise and kneels on one knee in front of you, his head lowered in respect.

" My apologies, my king..I didn't think that you would find my gesture so inappropriate. I am Azrath. Your second-in-command and faithful servant.."

Perfect ! You had just gave away that you had no clue that the man in front of you was your second-in-command ! You take a profound breath before taking back your emotionless mask and smile.

" I know who you are, Azrath..Your presence is just unexpected..What are you doing here ?"

The demon stands up again and you suddenly are very aware of how tall he was compared to you..His pale face contrasting with his half eaten half worm-infested chest. You have to look away in order for him not to see your eyes prickled with tears at the stench. Not that Hell smelt good in general, but the throne was so high above everything else that it was bearable, which you couldn't say for the walking corpse next to you..

" I just wanted to see if the rumors were true..You did come back.."

He seems almost disappointed for a second, but quickly composes himself and then gives you something that make your eyes widen as big as saucers..hearts..bloody hearts !

" Also, I took the liberty to gather the fresh hearts of the new arrivals..Just as you like them. Still beating."

Lord..Help me. You could see them moving and it takes all of your self-control not to throw up your own heart at the sight..However, you can feel it beating more widely in your chest..Even though you technically didn't have one, the feeling of pure horror conjured one..You force yourself to smile up at the demon and take the bag, trying your hardest not to look back at them..

" Thank you ! This is...lovely..."

This time, both demons seem to be taken aback by your words and you frown, what have you said this time?! The less intelligent of the two, noticing your confusion, takes it upon himself to answer your silent question.

" My lord..You've never "thanked" anyone before..You even forbid anyone to say it in Hell 1000 years ago.."

You understand and sweat profusely at the realization..The other demon remains silent, but the way he was staring at you suspiciously was enough for you to have doubts as to whether he was starting to understand what was going on..You had to do something, quick. You grit your teeths and yell as loud and as scary as you could.

" I am tired of this! Now, I've been gone for a while and wish to be left alone with my thoughts! Would it be possible or is it too much to ask?!"

Both demons fly away and you let out a sigh of relief. You look around and your eyes fall on a little demon that was flying by, transporting some letters. You frown, wondering what it was doing until you notice that it is going towards the gates. It must be a messenger! You summon paper and start writing a letter to Gabriel and call the little demon.

" You ! Send this to archangel Gabriel !"

The little she-demon quivers in fear, but doesn't dare refuse and takes the letter to the only communication link between Hell and Heaven. The tall and lanky skeleton that had talked to you earlier was sure to become a problem..He was far too smart for his own good..You would have to find a way to make him believe you somehow..You sigh loudly in frustration before running you hand through your...his hair..Suddenly, you smell something rotten just behind you and don't have the time to turn around before a dark chuckle sounds nears your ear.

" Archangel Gabriel, huh ?"

Your eyes widen and when you turn around, you find yourself in front of the same clever demon from earlier. His eyes seem brighter somehow and he is covered in..You have to muffle your mouth not to let out a scream or even vomit at the guts hanging from his shoulders and limbs..Oh my Goodness..The demon seems to perceive your uneasiness and hangs his head on one side, wondering what was wrong..You close your eyes and, after a few minute, open them again to see the monster actually smirking mockingly at you.

" What is the matter, Lucifer ? Did the human world affect you so much that you can't even stomach the sight of blood anymore ?"

He laughs at your horrified expression and suddenly takes you by the arm to yank you harshly forward, making you nearly fall from the throne.

" What are you doing?! Unhand me!"

You scream, but he only does a crooked smile before asking, almost expectantly.

" Aren't you going to use your wings, "my lord"?"

The way he had mockingly pronounced the two last words make you quickly understant that he was on to your masquerade and you glare at him.

" I won't let a pitiful demon like you intimidate me..I am your king and I am to he respected as such!"

However, far from feeling threatened, the demon only gets out something that you had forgotten about..the sword of Lucifer..

" The sword of Hell..Only demons or lord Lucifer can wield it..If any other etheral being were to try to use it, they would fall to the core of Hell to burn there for the rest of eternity..And one of the only weapons capable to kill even angels..Now, tell me..Still going to pretend to be our great master?"

You know that what he is saying is true..The sword is as sharp and bloody as it was the day Lucifer got rejected from Heaven..You didn't know what to do, so you admit reluctantly.

" I am angel Y/N, caretaker of humans joy and laughter of sector 45."

You were sure that he would pierce your body with the sword as soon as he would know, but the pain never comes and you open your eyes to see that the demon was now facing you. His wide green eyes were dancing around their sockets and his smile goes from ear to ear, showing his sharp and yellow teeths. He runs his tongue over them and has something in his eyes that makes you shiver in fear..hunger. He eyes you up and down and laughs darkly as you try to get away from him. However, you slip and fall. Not having any choice, you open your wings and all of the demons turn their heads towards you, the blinding light catching their attention. As soon as they see you, they all screech or roar in your direction and fly up in the sky to attack you. You start flying towards the gates, followed closely by waves of demons and Azrath that yells at the guards to cut the entrance. The two huge demons at the doors try to catch you with their bare hands, as if you were some kind of mosquitoe and you have to do multiple spins in the air to escape them. You know that their must be an entrance somewhere since the little demon messengers were able to pass. However, you didn't plan on the said entrance to be tiny orifices, big enough for the little demons to go through, but not you. You turn around to see the wave of demons coming closer..Well, looks like Luci was right..You hadn't totally thought that through..You would probably die here. You close your eyes and smile. At least, you had bought some time for Lucifer to live as he wanted among the humans for 5 whole years..However, suddenly, you feel a hand around your wrist. You open your eyes to see Azrath, dragging you towards the gates where he gets out the sword of Lucifer and cuts you with it. The burn is insufferable and you scream in pain as Azrath forces you to put your injured hand against the door.

" What are you doing?!"

You scream incredulously at his strange behavior, but he only lets out a spine-chilling groan before answering you.

" My great escape, sweetheart ! And if you want to leave, I would advise you to do as I say and shut up!"

You open your eyes wide as he starts pushing against the door, trying to get it open. You look behind you and see the demons flying in circle in the sky, wondering what their boss was doing..

" W..Why are you doing this?!"

You finally ask and, just as the door starts bulging, he answers you with terrifying smirk.

" I'm going to get back Lucifer..I've had more than enough of this place and I'm sure that if he is so reluctant to come home..then that means the human world must be a very nice place. Now, are you going to stay here with the nice little other flying monstrosities, or are you going to follow me, angel Y/N?"

He extends his hand towards you and look back at the screaming harpies and horned devils flying above your heads. You finally sigh and take his hand. As soon as your hand in his, his grin only widens and he runs outside, followed by you. You close your eyes and try to communicate with Lucifer.

" I'm sorry, Lucifer..I've failed."

On Earth, Lucifer was sitting besides Trixie that had grown into quite the young lady, as you had predicted..He finds himself smiling as the door opens and he sees Chloe come in with a loud sigh.

" Today was absolutely crazy at work..There has been some calls all over the cities..missing cats. Can you believe it?! Cats?! What are we?! The Cat Police?!"

The girl and Lucifer look up at her from the sofa while Chloe arks an eyebrow at them.

" What?"

They both look at each other with a serious expression, both nodding understandingly at each other and smile widely before looking back at Chloe with their hands joined together in a gun shape.

" You are under catrest !"

" Paws where I can see them, detective !"

They both yell at the same time and Chloe snorts..Of course those two would do cat puns..typical. However, she acts her part and raises her hands in the air.

" Oh no! You got me!"

They all smile, all the sion having left the room..But then, a loud caught catches their attention.

" Sorry to interrupt this..whatever this is..But, I must talk to Lucifer."

Here was Gabriel, in their living room..after 5 years of absence and Lucifer's smile automatically goes downwards as his eyes take a bright red tint. Chloe, sensing the danger, urges Trixie to go in her room. As soon as the girl is upstairs, Lucifer is quick to react and jumps on Gab to choke the angel.

" You! How dare you show your face again?!"

He shouts angrily, his eyes flashing a bright red. It takes Chloe to grab him by the shirt to yank him off the angel that stands up again to answer him between each pant.

" It's..It's Y/N..I..I made a mistake.."

Lucifer growls at him and responds sarcastically.

" You think?!"

The etheral being looks up at Lucifer with, for the first time in ages, an apologetic glance.

" It wasn't meant to last that long..You were supposed to get back down there a year later..But, she closed the gates, Lucifer. I couldn't come in myself. She closed the gates to anyone but the souls and now, I'm afraid that she may be in trouble, because of me."

Lucifer, far from feeling any compassion towards the angel, is bewildered by his apology and smiles in astonishment at his brother's admittance.

" Oh well..My heart bleeds for you, Gab..It really does. Not even recognizing your own brother must be terrible.."

Lucifer doesn't wait for an answer before pushing Chloe to the side on the sofa before punching Gabriel in the nose. Gabriel stumbles back with the force of the impact and raises his hand in surrender and repeats.

"I know that you are angry, brother..But, I'm not joking, Lucifer. She's in trouble."

Lucifer, astonished by the nerve of this angel that dared come to him for help, can't help but replying ironically.

" Oh! You're not joking?! Well good..Because neither am I !"

His eyes lighten up in orange and he nearly growls at Gab that gets out the letter you had send him to extend it towards Lucifer.

" She wrote me this..One of the demons is on to her..And, as I said earlier, I can't go in there. Not only did she close the doors, but you know as well as I do that I can't go in there without Father's permission.."

Lucifer snickers at Gabriel's pathetic excuse and shakes his head.

" No. I am not going to read that. Fuck off. She chose to disobey..She chose to replace me and she told me herself! She finds my job "extremely complaisant and entertaining". Even if I were to go there, she wouldn't want my help..Plus, as you said, she closed the gates! Only the spirits are allowed in..How do you suppose I get in?!"

However, it's Chloe that reacts first and grabs the letter out of Gab's hands to give it to Lucifer with resolution.

" Open it, Lucifer. You still are the king of Hell! Act like it!"

His eyes widen at Chloe's sudden agressive reply and his voice softens as he looks down at the woman and finally opens the letter to read it.

" Gabriel, my brother and my friend..It has been 5 years now that I've sealed the gates of Hell. I know you must be pretty furious, as our deal ended 4 years ago..However, I couldn't deny Lucifer of his happiness. I know that you can't understand my decision, nor why I did it..But, it's not that bad. I succeeded in blending in among the demons. I think Lucifer would be proud. However, I wanted to know if you could please enlighten me on one of the demons that just arrived in Hell. His name is.."

Lucifer's eyes widen at the familiar name and he looks up at Gabriel with shock..The name of his second-in-command was written on there, but he had deserted eons ago..Why come back now? It didn't make any sense, unless..His jaw clench and he fixes the letter intensely..Unless he had found his sword..as he had asked of him..And if it was the case, then his little angel had some serious problems on her hands..However, before he could voice his concern, he feels a vivid pain in his chest that cuts his breath off..He can feel that you're in danger somehow..But how to find you?! He groans in agony, trying to think of how to find you..until he remembers that there had been mysterious disappearances of cats in the neighborhood. He looks up at Chloe that is by his side, supporting him as he doubles on the floor in pain.

" The..cats.."

He tries to utter, but Chloe doesn't understand and leans in to have a better hearing.

" The cats..Where were they going? Where did the largest number disappear?"

" Around the old church..Why?"

He looks at Gab that instantly understands and nods before disappearing. Asrath was also known as the master of cats, this is why it had been easier for him to search for the sword undetected..He just had to believe that Gab would arrive in time. Chloe frowns at him and asks, bewildered.

" Well?! Are you going to stay there?? Go save her !"

He looks up at her with widened eyes, astonished that she would ever suggest it.

" I can't..I can't leave you, Chloe.."

Chloe takes a big breath before looking up at Lucifer with a small sad smile and caressing his cheek tenderly.

" Go, Lucifer..She needs you. We'll be fine.."

He finally nods and smiles up at her before kissing her on the forehead.

" I love you.."

She smiles with tears in her eyes and forces herself to nod.

" I know.."

And with that confirmation, Lucifer disappears as well, appearing near the old church and the pain worsens with every step he takes. When he enters the said church, it is filled with cats and he sees Gab, fighting Azrath. He looks around to spot you huddled near the cross, your face hidden behind your Y/C hair and then..he sees the blood. You were bleeding from your upper arm and he sees red. His body feels hot and overwhelmed by a new-found energy. He looks up at Azrath that was handling HIS sword against Gabriel that was struggling with fighting back. He walks towards them and as soon as Azrath notices him, he smirks and gets rid of Gabriel by throwing him against the cross that breaks in two. Gab wants to get up, but he feels a pain to his side and sees that Azrath had succeeded in wounding him..In normal circumstances, his wound would close itself immediately. However, this mighty weapon was one conceived especially to kill archangels, and Lucifer had made it with his own hands..The wound would take longer to heal and he felt himself fall unconscious. You whimper and try to help Gab by applying pressure on the bleeding wound, but Azrath notices you and stops you. You back away in fear, your wide eyes full of terror and Lucifer then sees why he had felt your pain..Azrath had carved an upside-down cross on your forehead, sending him a direct invitation..His blood is boiling in his veins as he sees what the vile creature had done to his poor angel, while Azrath seems proud of himself as he takes you by the hair and yanks you forward so you fall to your knees at his feet. It takes you a few minutes to look up, but when you do, his heart stops. In your eyes, the innocence and joy were gone..replaced by unbidden fear. He tries to help you up, but you scurry backwards and his eyes prickle with tears, as you were now afraid of even him.

" Oh..angel.."

He utters apologetically at you before glaring up at Azrath that frowns in incomprehension.

" Why are you looking at me like that?! She's an angel!"

He stands up and Azrath takes a step back as he senses the radiating rage of Lucifer that walks calmly towards him and extends his hand towards him expectantly.

" The sword. Give me the sword."

Azrath takes back his blank expression and shakes his head negatively before looking at the bloody sword in his hands.

" I'm sorry, Master..But you know I can't do that..You need to come back with me. Your kingdom needs you and this sword is the only thing hat can force you to come back.."

Lucifer sighs, knowing that he wouldn't give him without a fight. He suddenly tries to surprise him by sending him a punch, but Azrath, having premeditated it, uses the sword as a shield. But Lucifer, far from being bothered, takes the sword with his bare hands before kicking Azrath backwards. Azrath growls at him, showing his sharp teeths and snake-like tongue. He hisses, his voice dripping with venom.

" You really are going to fight me for her?! She's only an angel! The enemy!"

Lucifer glances back at you and smiles reassuringly at you before looking back at Azrath with eyes glowing in the dark.

" No.."

Azrath seems to be relieved by his answer, but it quickly fades out when Lucifer takes his original form and shouts between gritted teeths.

"..I'm going to kill you!"

Lucifer couldn't just control Azrath, he was too powerful for that..and had always been by his side since his great fall. Azrath closes his eyes and inhales deeply before looking up at Lucifer with his bright green eyes in which his pupils turn to slits and raises his hands in the air.

" As you wish, Master..Know that I never wanted this.."

Suddenly, the cats surround him and cover him from head to toe, melting into a sort of black armor. The great armor of Azrath. Great..Lucifer cracks his head to the side and grins up at his ex second-in-command.

" Always the attention seeker, aren't you Azrath?"

Azrath would have only ignored his comment normally, but this time, his comment earns him a slight chuckle, knowing that one of them would die tonight.

" You know me, Lucifer..I guess I took some things from you.."

After this exchange of ironic comebacks, they both become serious and in a flash, they are both at each other's throats. Azrath bites his shoulder hard and Lucifer slashes his face. Both of them are panting, but in their eyes the same fire burning bright..Suddenly, someone crashes inside through the window and interposes himself between the two demons.

" What is going on here?! What are you two doing here?! Hell is chaos and I find you both here?!"

Michael booms in obvious discontent, not having noticed the sword in Azrath's hands yet..Azrath takes it as an opportunity and raises his sword to strike him down.

" This is for you, Lucifer!"

He brings it down, but you use your last strength to stand up and stand in front of Michael. The three men are shocked and Michael is the first to react, he gets out his lance and decapitates Azrath in one swift blow. As for Lucifer, he quickly kneels besides you and takes you in his arms. He looks at his hand in horror, recognizing the smell and color of blood. He shakes you, trying to wake you up while crying out loud.

" No. No! No! No! Angel! Stay with me! You hear me?! Stay with me!"

He sobs and gets the hair out of your face, cradling your face kissing your face over and over again, hoping for your (Y/C) eyes to open again..Michael, after having made sure that Gabriel was alright, turns towards you and, for the first time in forever, feels tears prickle in his eyes at the realization. He falls to his knees by your side and gently pets the top of your head. He then looks up at the sky and asks for a miracle, begging his Father to bring you back..

" Dad! Please! Do not punish her even more! Please, bring her back!"

But his prayers are unanswered and the only one who seems to be affected by his words is Gab that gasps loudly as he wakes up. He looks at his wound and smiles as he sees that there is nothing left..However, when he sees your cold body on the ground, his smile turns into a pained grimace, his whole face twisting in sadness.

" Why? She saved Michael..She saved your son!"

Lucifer shouts, his eyes pointed towards the sky, not expecting an answer.

" Because, this is Michael's punition.."

They all look towards the direction of the voice, their eyes widening as they see Gab, his kind eyes looking above all of them with a numb stare, having finally understood why Father hadn't said or done anything.

" Michael, you really thought Y/N wouldn't know how you felt ? Your jealousy of your own brother..Jealousy that only grew to win the love of one being and threatened to destroy Heaven and Hell..The very same being that only wished for you two to be happy..She tried to make things right and replace you, Lucifer..Father gave her what she wanted, and what you both feared more than anything..She knew the price, but she asked HIM for your salvation and redemption."

Lucifer and Michael both stand up at the same time and open their mouths to voice their disapproval and utter outrage when Gabriel interrupts them, wanting only one thing now.

" Let's go home.."

He takes your body and looks at both brothers with tearful eyes.

" I hope you will be able to appreciate the second chance she has just both given you..You are both free."

And with those last words, he flies up with your body in his arms. Lucifer and Michael both look at each other and, without them knowing why, they both start tearing up. However, Lucifer forces himself to talk through his sobs.

" We can't..We can't leave her..She didn't deserve this..I know what punishment looks like, and she didn't deserve this! She didn't deserve to be sacrificed for our sakes!"

Michael, for once, agrees with his brother and extends his hand towards his brother.

" I know we had our differences in the past, brother..But, we need to show Dad that we are more! That we can be more than just hateful beings, if we want her back..Are you with me?"

Lucifer nods, and for the first in the History of the World, the Good and the Bad were to become allies in order to save you..

You open your eyes wide and straighten up to look around you, frowning in confusion at your surroundings. You were in the middle of a luxuriant forest with tall trees and bright purple fruits..Where are you? And most of all, how are you alive?! You look at your stomach to see that your wound has completely disappeared.

" How are you, my darling?"

You look up with astonishment as you see a tall woman with a bright green dress making her way to you. Her smile and welcoming expression make you think that she is not a threat, but you still have to ask.

" Hum..Thank you for saving me but, who are you? And where am I?"

She only chuckles at your question, as if it was the funniest joke.

" I'm sorry, my dear..Those are very good questions but, it's been a while since I've got some company so..hearing another human voice is quite exciting.."

You don't reply, waiting for her to answer your questions, which she does and you whiten at her answers.

" My name is Lilith..And this is my prison. I would say that it is the garden..but I've been locked up in here for so long that I can't remember much."

You had heard about Lilith, the first woman, the mistake, the mother of monsters..She had died so many millenias ago. And if you were with her, then that only meant one thing..

" Welcome to the Other Place! The place where angels and demons come when they die ! Of course, as not many angels or demons truly die..They stay here until Father needs them again..Come. You're the first one to get here since a few centuries..I'm sure you've got many stories to share."

Lilith extends her hands towards you with a wide smile and you look at her hand hesitantly for a few seconds before finally taking it with a small sigh.

" Yes. I guess I do.."

[aelysalthea]

The Secret Lives of Neil Josten

Chapter 9: Kevin's Studious Struggle

Kevin's head hurt. He couldn't even tell at this point if it was from a headache or from the pressure of the heel of his palm propped against his face. Not that he'd lift his head from his hand if it was the cause; it was the only thing holding it up anymore.

Through the window above his desk was darkness, deep and slumbering, and the blackness of the grounds beyond was lit only intermittently by the campus lights dotted along perimeter road. Kevin had sat before it for hours, so long that he'd watched the sky fade from bright blue to orange and purple, to grey and then further. A hasty dinner after practice and then to his books.

He wasn't the only one of his team to do so but camaraderie was lost in the throes of exam stress.

Kevin had never been good at dealing with stress. Definitely not with school stress. Memorising gameplay and player statistics was one thing, but notes? Scribbles made in books that held little to no consistency or fluidity? Revising material he'd supposedly learned months before but only had a vague recollection of in the week before final exams?

Kevin had taken his credits and distinctions for granted when he'd been at the Nest. It was only stepping out the other side of their hive-mind approach to schooling that he realised just how much he'd relied upon the communal efforts of everyone on the team.

Squeezing his eyes closed, Kevin struggled to peel them open and reaffix his gaze onto his stack of notes. The lines and neat, slanted text he strove so hard to maintain through his lectures had long since blurred together, but Kevin nonetheless squinted and returned to reading and revising. And reading. And revising. And then reading that same line again because the words didn't make sense.

The prognosis of his exam the following day was looking increasingly grim.

Kevin didn't know what time it was. He couldn't have rightly said how long he'd been studying, nor the hour on the desk clock he'd deliberately turned away from himself. Plans flew out the window in the mad scramble to retain his grades, and sleep was – sleep was just an unnecessary, indulgent –

A light snapped on. Kevin started. Blinking rapidly, he glanced down at his notes that he hadn't realised had been lying unread on the desk before him for…how long? Minutes? Surely not longer. The possibility of longer than a minute or two was nauseating.

Glancing over his shoulder, Kevin squinted through the glare of the living room light. His blurry vision persisted for a moment or two before he could make out Neil standing at the wall alongside the switch. He held a mug in his hand that the lack of steam suggested was water rather than coffee.

Coffee. Maybe Kevin should get another coffee.

Scrubbing his eyes, Kevin opened his mouth to speak before letting the words die on his tongue. What was there even to be said? Don't creep up on him? Don't switch the light on in a room already swallowed by shadows but for the desk lamp hanging over Kevin's head? Slumping back in his seat, Kevin half turned back to his notes. What in God's name had possessed him to take physiology as a unit in the first place? All of his reasoning of its usefulness, its relevance, seemed meaningless now. If only Kevin hadn't made such a decision months before he could –

"Go to bed."

Glancing back towards Neil, Kevin frowned. He was still there? "What?"

Neil could pull a blank expression as well as Andrew most days, one that somehow nonetheless carried undertones of exasperation. "Go to bed, Kevin."

Kevin rubbed his eyes again, fingers digging into his eyes. "I'm studying."

"Clearly."

Kevin scowled through his fingers, but Neil appeared unfazed. "Go away."

"It's two in the morning."

"So?"

"Go to bed."

"I have an exam tomorrow."

Neil's finger tapped absently upon the rim of his mug. "I know. You've told me a dozen times today. Or yesterday now, since it's already Tuesday."

Kevin's glare narrowed. "Then go away and leave me in peace. You're distracting me."

"Because you were so focused beforehand?" Though Kevin didn't reply, kept his fingers pressed in his eyes, he could feel Neil's eyes narrowing. "Go to bed, Kevin."

Kevin glared into his hands. The demand, short, sharp, and practical, was too tempting, but at the same time, that Neil had said it at all hardened Kevin's willpower to deny the suggestion. No. He wouldn't go to bed. He wouldn't cave to such a simple request, not when it came from someone who didn't – someone who didn't even – who couldn't even –

"Leave me alone," Kevin grumbled, pressing the meat of his hands into his eyes until sparks appeared. "You might be content with scraping by with a bare minimum for your classes but I won't tolerate that. I've never… I'll never tolerate mediocrity."

"Not even when it doesn't count for anything?" Neil asked.

"Of course not," Kevin snapped, but he still didn't look towards Neil. "That's not the way the world works. You can't – you shouldn't pick and choose when to excel. You shouldn't half-arse everything, shouldn't simply allow –

"Is how the Ravens did it?"

Neil's words stopped Kevin cold. His own died on his tongue and he swallowed thickly.

The Ravens. Yes, they demanded perfection. They demanded the best, even if that best was only indicated through grade and number rather than less tangible evidence of knowledge and understanding. The same degree, the same assignments tweaked just enough to pass beneath a professor's shrewd eye without drawing notice, the same study schedule – it had been rigorous, but Kevin had always had direction. He'd always known he would pass. But now?

Kevin had never felt less confident in his schooling abilities in his life. Exy was one thing, the most important thing, but to flunk his studies? To be held back, or worse, to be suspended because he couldn't maintain peak performance in the classroom as well as on the court? Unacceptable.

Why the fuck had he chosen physiology?

Kevin didn't know, but he felt almost hopeless. He knew something, yes. Knew a little, it was true. Had read over his notes time and again, stuffing more words and diagrams between his ears than he'd hoped to obtain from the unit. But the confidence? It was nigh non-existent, and confidence, even in an exam, could make or break a player.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Kevin twitched. He hadn't heard Neil approach him, taking a place so close to his side that his low murmur was clearly audible. Kevin withheld from giving him the benefit of a sidelong glance, keeping his hands clamped over his face. "Do what?" he said, thickening his words with resentment that he felt only too strongly in that moment.

"This." The crinkle of paper waved in the air made Kevin want to snap out a hand and snatch it away from Neil, but he withheld from that too. Don't mess them up, don't mess up my notes, don't… He didn't say it, didn't voice the niggling fear that tightened his eyes further, but it was a near thing.

"My notes are perfect," Kevin said instead, because they were, even if he hadn't the level confidence in his academic abilities that he should have. "Every word lectured is included, every diagram copied, every –"

"It's a wall of text, is what it is," Neil muttered.

This time Kevin couldn't help but peel his hands away from his face and eye Neil sidelong. Neil wasn't looking at him, was regarding the notes held in one hand while he set down his neglected mug with the other. Kevin watched his eyes skim the lines, one of his eyebrows twitching higher with each passing moment.

"What?" Kevin said flatly.

"This is pointless. You're not going to learn anything from reading this, and definitely not this late at night."

Kevin narrowed his eyes. "Says the one who barely passed high school and is scraping by in college with a barely redeemable GPA –"

"I passed high school just fine, thank you," Neil said, not even giving Kevin the benefit of glancing away from the notes. "Considering I skipped nearly half of it all totalled and was running for my life for most of the rest, maybe you'll let me have this one." Laying the page down on Kevin's desk, he leaned over him as he reached absently for a pen. "As for college? I manage."

For a moment, Kevin was rendered speechless. He'd known about Neil being on the run but he'd never really considered its consequences in such a light. Half of high school missed? Kevin didn't regret his words, but it stilled his tongue for a moment nonetheless. Only for a moment, however, before Neil put pen to paper and Kevin almost yelped. He grabbed for his notes with frantic hands.

"Don't mess them up!"

Neil flipped notes neatly out of reach. "I'm not messing them up."

"Don't mess them up."

"I'm writing."

"You're going to – you'll write in the – the –" Kevin stuttered as his exhausted brain struggled for words that wouldn't come. "You don't even know how to –"

"Kevin," Neil said sharply, his voice a whiplash, "I've spent the majority of my life cramming for exams that I'd read barely a page about. Shut the fuck up for a second."

Kevin's tongue was heavy and as tired as the rest of him, and it was likely that as much as any defeat or leniency that gave Neil an opening to continue. For whatever reason, Neil took it immediately and lowered the pen once more. "This isn't going to help at all," he said, gesturing to a paragraph of Kevin's neat print that took up nearly the entire length of the page. "Do you actually remember any of this?"

Kevin, glaring at Neil with a shadow of the anger that was too weary too properly surface, flicked the paragraph a glance. Ah. That. "I… know it."

"Wow. You sound so confident."

"Shut up."

"Say it." At Kevin's pause, Neil tapped the paragraph outlining the in-depth sequence of the inflammatory process. "What's the point of writing it so densely if you can't retain any of it?"

"I need to know –"

"Do you?"

Kevin clenched his jaw. "You don't even take the unit."

"No, but I don't need to in order to know that they won't ask you the name of every preinflammatory cytokine –"

"It's proinflammatory."

"- that's listed in your textbook. It's ridiculous. Exams don't ask questions like that."

"You don't know that," Kevin began, then made another snatch for Neil's pen as he lowered it to the margin. Neil batted him away as he wrote.

"You've been studying this for three days straight, Kevin," he said, jotting down notes in the slanted scrawl that Kevin had cringed at the nearly illegible sight of for nearly two years straight. "Three days of staying up till three in the morning before getting up for practice."

"So?" Kevin demanded.

"So, it's slowing you down on the court."

"It is not -"

"It is. If you weren't so tired you'd realise it. You're studying a lot but not effectively. Take a step back and work smarter, not harder." With a final full stop, Neil straightened and took half a step away from the desk. Gesturing at the paper, he held the pen out to Kevin. "I don't bet, but I'd almost be tempted to wager you won't need it any more in depth than that."

Kevin glared at him with a ferocity he knew would have left any of the freshmen Foxes quaking in their boots, but Neil didn't even blink. He folded his arms and waited as Kevin eyed him and didn't move until Kevin reluctantly turned towards the page.

"Stick to the bare minimum," Neil said. "The main steps of that inflammation pathway: damage, invasion, chemicals, blood cells. Then the healing part."

"You'd need to know them more in depth than that," Kevin said, though he couldn't help but stare down at the notes Neil had simplified. It was very reduced, and yet somehow…

"Invasion of infection," Neil said, picking up his mug. "You know that. You can remember it from that as being just bacteria or viruses and other crap, right? Makes sense."

Kevin grunted.

"Then the chemicals. The proteins. You wouldn't need any names."

"You can't just assume –"

"Then the blood cells – that's just the macro ones –"

"Macrophages."

"- the neutral one -"

"They're called neutrophils."

"- and the rest that aren't really relevant so much in this instance but you can remember that they at least start with B, E, and L so that should be good enough for MCQs. Just do the main ones. Macro and neutral. Don't make it more complicated. The blood vessels get wider, more blood comes in, then you get the symptoms or whatever, and you remember that Pain Has Even Less Red or some other word play to help you remember it."

Neil's words weren't making sense anymore. Not to Kevin's tired mind nor to his buzzing ears. They were recognisable but not in coming from Neil, who Kevin knew didn't know a lick of physiology beyond the basics gleaned from the gym. Not Neil, who somehow managed to spout his minimalised breakdown all from simply reading a page of dense text at two in the morning. Spouted words that understood and made sense, even if the situation didn't.

Except that last part. That made no sense at all.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Kevin asked.

Neil shrugged. "A phrase to help you remember what you wrote. Just make it up." He raised a hand from him mug, raised a finger, and began counting off the words. "Pain for the feeling of pain, obviously. Has for heat, then Even for edema, Less for loss of function, and Red for redness."

"Redness or erythema," Kevin muttered, staring at Neil's raised hand with five fingers raised by the end of his explanation. He blinked heavily. That was… it didn't make sense but it somehow sort of did. "You use mnemonics?"

"The word play?"

"A mnemonic," Kevin repeated. He glanced back down at his notes, and even though Neil's writing was blurring as much as Kevin's own, he felt just a little less groggy with the unexpected suggestion of Neil's words. "I don't use them because they miss out on so much but –" He glanced back to Neil. "You're remembering from… did you get that from my notes? You just made it up on the spot?"

Instead of answering him, Neil took a sip from his mug. "You always make life too hard for yourself, Kevin," Neil said, utterly ignoring the hypocrisy of his own words. "Take it from someone who learnt to cram as early as I could read: don't try to revise every tiny detail."

"But –"

"It won't work and you'll just waste time," Neil said, overriding him. "Dumb it down for yourself."

"I'm not going to 'dumb it –'"

"Cut out the complicated crap."

"I –"

"Use word play, acronyms, sing a fucking song, or stick post-it notes all over the walls if you need to. Don't drown yourself in textbooks, eat an apple instead of drinking so much coffee, and go to bed before you pass out at your desk. Again."

Eyebrows raised, Neil took another slow sip from his mug, holding Kevin's gaze over the rim as though daring him to object. Kevin could have. He almost did. But something about Neil's words stopped him. Maybe it was that he'd picked up the words and pieces of content from the page so easily, regurgitating it without a glance. Maybe it was that his words rung true, echoes of a past resorting to the most practical outlet presenting itself as a tried and true approach. Or maybe it was that, before Kevin's bone-weary exhaustion and head-throbbing tension, the fact that he'd appeared in the living room to speak to Kevin at all, to tell him to seek his bed, was too great a suggestion to pass.

Kevin rarely did what he was told. Not when he felt such actions weren't in his best interest. But Neil stared at him, blinking slowly and silently, and Kevin's shoulders slumped.

"I really hate you sometimes," he said, because he couldn't not say as much.

"Good for you," Neil said.

"I'm blaming you if I fail."

"If that's what makes you happy, but we both know your failure would be due to your own needless perseverance when your capacity for study has long since dried up."

Kevin would have liked to maintain his glare, but it took too much effort. His breath came out in a sigh. "Why are you still here?" he asked, hauling himself to his feet. Then, because he couldn't help but ask, "and why are you saying anything at all? Why do you even care?"

Neil didn't seem to need an explanation of what he referred to. Turning, he bypassed the kitchen to drop off his mug before heading for the hallway. "You're a perfectionist with a problem, Kevin," he said over his shoudle3r, "and it infects everything you do, even though your commitedness should only be for exy. And because of that, you're lagging."

"I'm not lagging," Kevin called after him, though he knew that Neil's words held a shade of the truth.

Neil must have heard his unspoken admittance given the knowing glance he shot Kevin's way. He didn't slow as he made for the bedroom and, with a heavy sigh and a final moment lost staring at his notes, Kevin trudged after him. Neil might be callous in some regards and far too keenly attentive in others, but in this instance, Kevin felt he could trust him. Maybe. To Kevin's surprise and for whatever reason, he actually seemed to know what he was doing. Actually seemed to have some degree of competency in his schooling that Kevin hadn't anticipated.

Perhaps he should have. After all, when it came to Neil, he'd survived so far without failing drastically in his classes and, more impressively, had deftly avoided getting himself killed. It wasn't so far-fetched that he might know some tricks to navigate the gruelling challenge of exams. Maybe Kevin would take a chance and listen to him just this once.

***

Neil was a dozen steps away from the lecture theatre by the time the door clicked shut behind him. Slinging rucksack over his shoulder, he drew his phone from his pocket and barely attended to the trudging river of students that flowed past him. Heavy steps, nervous jitters, some with eyes a little widened and jaws a little tightened.

Stress. Exam stress. As if it was any kind of real stress at all. Neil didn't thank his life on the run for much, but it had certainly given him thicker skin than most of the highly strung students around him. Seemed to possess. He couldn't fathom that something so trivial as an exam could provoke such sincere distress. It was… strange.

Keeping an eye on the floor, Neil tapped out a text. He rarely used his phone, even when his discomfort for it had waned, but sometimes it was easier to throw a question into a network than wander aimlessly across campus. Down a hallway, around a corner, shouldering through a door –

Where are you?

The text had barely been sent before he felt a hand run lightly across his back. The light yet firm pressure, distinctive of Andrew even before Neil glanced over his shoulder towards him. Surprising or not, Neil wondered if he would ever be relieved of the momentary shiver it induced.

"Done?" he asked, slowing only briefly for Andrew to fall into step alongside him before lengthening his stride once more.

Andrew's blink in reply spoke volumes. "Are you assuming I'd skip?"

Neil shrugged. "I wouldn't put it past you."

"And waste a semester of classes and pointless lectures?"

"Did you actually go to your lectures this semester then?"

Andrew didn't reply with words this time, sparing only a barely perceivable roll of his eyes as his hand finally lowered from Neil's back. It didn't go far, though; with every step he took falling alongside Neil his arm brushed and caught upon Neil's jacket. The hallways and grounds weren't quite packed enough to necessitate such proximity, but Neil wasn't one to complain if it came from Andrew.

"Kevin's likely having a mental breakdown at this point," Andrew said as they walked.

Neil shrugged again. "Unlikely. He'll probably be fine."

Andrew eyed him sidelong as they wove through the halls. Outdoors, across a stretch of open grounds, then back indoors again. "Why the unexpected show of faith?"

"Unexpected maybe. But I feel like it's valid nonetheless."

"How so?"

"He's done it before for different subjects. He can do it again for this one." Neil scooted to the wall to allow a flood of babbling students to pass. "So what if he's a nervous wreck before an exam? He is before every other game and he performs well in spite of it."

Andrew only grunted in reply, and Neil didn't push the subject further. Kevin was intelligent, he knew, and even if his genius manifested on an exy court it didn't mean that such intelligence wasn't also reflected in other areas. Andrew called it faith with a tinge of derision. Neil thought it more likely that it was a logical conclusion.

When Andrew planted himself alongside the wall of a lecture room that looked vaguely familiar, arms folded and silently waiting, Neil took his place alongside him. The corridor was scattered with students awaiting their own upcoming exams, books and notes spread across laps in a last ditch-effort to stuff a year's worth of knowledge between their ears as though they were actually pouring into a funnel rather than dribbling the information uselessly onto the ground. Neil had never understood such a mentality. Cramming was one thing, and a thing he'd long ago perfected as a by-product of his lack of time and care for school, but this?

There were certain ways to cram. Certain methods to employ that were most successful. It baffled Neil that the students around him - that Kevin too - hadn't figured them out yet.

Not that he would comment on the deficiency in logic. He waited in silence, gazing but barely seeing the students around him. Andrew stood just as silently at his side.

When the doors to the lecture hall swung open, a stream of haggard students spilled forth. Mutters of commiseration were exchanged, and more than one face winced with the lingering effects of the exam paper's blow. Kevin was one of the last through the door, and Neil wasn't surprised when he appeared notably less fazed than those around him.

"Told you," Neil said absently.

"Oh, was this a bet?" Andrew replied.

"No. But perhaps I should have made it one."

"You don't bet."

"Maybe I should when it comes to Kevin. He's so predictable."

"What was that?" Kevin asked as he approached them. He glanced between Neil and Andrew and frowned as neither replied. Despite his apparent disgruntlement, he discarded their silence easily enough. It was as much confirmation of his satisfaction with his performance as anything.

"Shouldn't you both be getting ready for practice?" he asked instead, stepping between and through them to lead the way back down the hall. "What're you doing waiting around here?"

"It's like he really doesn't know," Neil said absently. How anyone could be so blind to the impression of distress they radiated he didn't know.

"Again, too much faith," Andrew said.

"What's that?" Kevin asked, glancing over his shoulder.

"I didn't say I had faith in his perceptiveness," Neil said. "That's another bet entirely."

Kevin's frown returned and deepened. "My perceptiveness? Says the one who has the least self-awareness in social situations of anyone on the team? Hypocrisy isn't becoming, Neil."

Even without understanding, Kevin dove straight into the attack. Typical of a striker, and even more typical of Kevin these days. What had happened to the downtrodden, defeated man he'd been the year before? Neil almost wouldn't have believed it had he not been there for their numerous Raven confrontations.

"He has a point," Andrew murmured so quietly Neil barely heard him. "Can't argue with that."

"He wasn't asking you to," Neil said, shooting Andrew a frown of his own. "You don't need to immediately jump onto his train of thought."

"Oh, I know. Who's to say it's his train in the first place? I'm the one in the driver's seat."

Neil rolled his eyes. "Why am I not surprised you'd take charge in a driving analogy?"

"Because you're clearly immune to surprises today."

"I don't like surprises."

"Clearly. It's known about you by just about everyone in your vicinity." Andrew spoke low enough that anyone passing them likely wouldn't have heard but the unspoken prodding was apparent to Neil's ears. "It's likely why you wouldn't be caught unawares by an exam springing up at the very beginning of exam period. Like Kevin."

Kevin shot him another frown that was more of a glare, but Andrew ignored it just as easily as he had Neil's. Annoyance and frustration had always washed off of him like water from a duck's back. Still, Neil was happy to allow him to be the focus of Kevin's resentment once more.

When he thought about it, though, following in step with Andrew as Kevin led them across campus to the parking lot, he supposed Andrew was probably right. Neil crammed but it was calculated. He didn't like surprises, so he did his utmost to ensure they didn't happen. Whether it was an exam or a raid upon the house he was squatting in, Neil couldn't remember a time when he hadn't thought in such a way.

He no longer needed to squat, nor prepare for the worst in a battle of firearms or flighty escape, but some things appeared to unshakeable nonetheless. Neil simply hadn't anticipated that such habits would become useful in his liberated life. Apparently there were still some revelations he hadn't prepared himself for, albeit far less dangerous than those of the past. The realisation was oddly comfortable.

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Grace

Janis: I'm coming back Janis: like, I'm en-route now Janis: so you can tell the parentals or whatever Grace: okay Grace: fine Janis: 👍 Janis: tah Grace: sure Grace: literally don't mention it Janis: alright Janis: forget I was even here, like Grace: ugh that means I don't wanna talk to you Grace: you can stop now Janis: Charming Janis: not asking for fanfare, or a shit banner, don't worry Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: if you don't wanna talk, you can shut the emoji keyboard and all Grace: whatever Grace: so sorry I'm busy being your PA rn Janis: how hard is it Janis: I did it in three Janis: even you can do it in under 10 Grace: I'm actually home so no, I can't Janis: well that's on you for being there and them for being annoying Grace: just leave me alone Janis: fucking hell, fine Janis: make your mind up Grace: I have & so have you Janis: what are you chatting about Grace: I called you SO MANY times Grace: until I literally couldn't cos Iggy said I had to call dad Janis: I weren't looking at my phone Janis: you know I can look after myself Grace: Duh Grace: but like you said, how hard is it, babes? Grace: like, 1 text you know Janis: Defeats the point of fucking off if you're gonna make a song and dance about it Janis: you wanna be my keeper or don't you Grace: I wanna know you're not fucking dead in a ditch Janis: You do now Grace: yeah thanks Janis: Look, I don't have to tell you my every move Janis: when do we text Grace: idk what you think I can say to that Janis: I'm just saying, you didn't need to freak out Janis: no need Grace: how dare you Janis: what Janis: I'm trying to save you the hassle it clearly is Grace: literally spare me this convo Grace: you're not this stupid Janis: Whatever then Janis: this is bollocks Grace: yeah exactly Janis: no, you Janis: don't pretend to give a fuck just 'cos mum and dad are getting on your nerves Grace: mhmm that's what this is Janis: yeah Janis: easier faking it when I ain't about Grace: I was totally crying so hard that I threw up cos I was worried about mum and dad giving me a lecture Janis: don't start Grace: I told you, leave me alone Janis: don't try and guilt trip me Janis: I'm literally on my way, can't do fuck all else Grace: don't tell me I'm pretending to care Grace: or pretend that you're coming home Janis: What's the point Grace: again idk what I'm meant to say to that Janis: Exactly Janis: I don't have to step over the threshold for it to fucking count Grace: you don't want to Grace: you literally could care less about me Janis: behave Janis: you don't wanna talk to me, we're hardly gonna hug it out Grace: like you're SO !!!! to talk to me Janis: I started this convo Grace: to get me to get mum and dad to be less extra Janis: yeah 'cos give a shit about them Janis: they're chewing your ear off, not mine Janis: so either way, I'd be doing you a favour Grace: wow Grace: thanks so much Grace: you obvs don't care about anyone but him so Janis: Oh yeah, cheers for spreading that about Grace: you've done that yourself, babes Janis: You don't know why I left, you never have, so don't be chatting shit Grace: excuse you, I haven't said anything to anyone Janis: he showed me the texts so you have Grace: that doesn't even count Grace: I didn't say anything he doesn't know Janis: clearly does to me Janis: as he's the only cunt I care about Janis: you didn't have to do that Grace: yeah well I was drunk & thought you'd gone forever Grace: sorry, okay Janis: you didn't know what you were talking about Janis: whatever, sorted now regardless Grace: duh Grace: I said he better get you back, you're back Grace: we know the boy can listen Janis: yeah, he just did it 'cos he's well scared of you Grace: I didn't threaten him, I'm not you Janis: ehh Janis: debatable Grace: oh please Janis: weren't exactly miss sweetness and light but alright Grace: he didn't deserve me at my sweetest or lightest thank you Janis: I told you, you got it wrong Janis: it weren't like that at all so Grace: she got it wrong, not me Janis: yeah Janis: he didn't fuck her though Grace: obvs! why would he? Grace: she knows nothing about camera angles and that's literally what she was there for, she probably gets her sex position tips from Cosmo Janis: probably Janis: clearly got community service for stalking anyway Grace: someone totally attacked her for whoring all over their man & then it was a whole thing™ Grace: like nobody wants to hook up with you if you're that tragic & so white you're basically see through, sorry about it Janis: Fair, Asia gets through 'em pretty well Janis: don't be catty, like Grace: cos she doesn't get her sex tips from Cosmo like a grandma duh Grace: & anyway he's like totally into you, boys aren't totally into Asia Grace: not the ones she picks Janis: hadn't escaped my notice Janis: cries as much as you Grace: RUDE Grace: I wouldn't cry over a boy that cringe Janis: 👌 Janis: least you have something in common Grace: OMG don't even Janis: you're mates, you're meant to Janis: or would you rather be like blondie and Mia Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: that's not how you mean it Grace: I'm not THAT stupid, hun Janis: didn't say you were Grace: copy & paste it from literally any other convo from the last decade Grace: whatever Janis: you're well paranoid Janis: so, she got a new one yet or what Grace: idk I've been totally preoccupied wondering if you were still alive Janis: 👎 boring Grace: stop doing it to me then Janis: it's as much about you as it is him Grace: it doesn't have to be about me to effect me Janis: soz Janis: why would I help you, yeah Grace: if you ever did it'd be an event Grace: & I'm not dressed for one so Grace: 🤷 Janis: 🙄🙄 Janis: it ain't gonna happen so don't plan an outfit on my behalf Grace: 💔 obvs but I won't Janis: Good stuff Grace: 👌👌 bye Janis: you gonna say sorry Grace: no Janis: 💔 rude Janis: shouldn't call people names, Gracie Grace: you shouldn't run away from your problems, babes Grace: but like here we are Janis: What's your plan, going well? Grace: Why would I EVER tell you anything I'm thinking? Janis: Yeah, have to be thinking something first Janis: I get it Grace: sure Janis: 👋 then Asia Grace: don't Janis: 😏 Grace: I have no energy to be upset any more Grace: so just stop Janis: Then try a smile Janis: there's nothing to be upset about Grace: not for you Grace: & what are you an old man on a bus? telling people to smile is so gross Janis: It's old Janis: you're bored, we all are Janis: switch it up Grace: go away Janis: stop being boring Grace: literally what do you care Grace: annoy your boyfriend Janis: who knows Janis: might stick around if you weren't Grace: that's not funny Janis: it is though Grace: you really scared me Janis: stop worrying about me, jesus Grace: Oh my god, do you think I wouldn't just stop if that was a thing I could do?! Janis: it is Janis: ask me how much I think about you Janis: you don't need to, you told me, I don't Grace: again, I'm not you Janis: try harder Grace: I hate you Janis: 👍 Janis: there we go Grace: next time I hope you don't come back Janis: 🤞 eh Grace: yeah Janis: be back for dinner then Janis: get da to make my favourite Grace: he'd have to know what it is first Janis: yeah Janis: pretty shit ain't he Janis: sad times Grace: like I said, my energy's dipped too low for this Janis: best go lick a stamp Janis: perk you right up, Ells Grace: that's not a comparison anyone's making Grace: but thanks anyway Janis: should be Grace: maybe but mistaken identity never Janis: no shit Janis: no one's mistaking you for kate moss either but you understand what I meant Grace: totally Janis: thank fuck Grace: any more shade you wanna throw or can I go? Janis: huh? Grace: like can that be it now or? Janis: I don't give a fuck, babe Grace: cool Grace: such a fun catch up Janis: not at all Janis: go back to crying and vomming though Janis: sounds like a blast Grace: obvs Janis: oh, and don't ever try and stick up for me again, also obvs Grace: 👌👌 Janis: state Grace: I won't speak to him again, it's fine Janis: good Grace: 💜 Janis: ugh Janis: fuck off Grace: [does]

[jennsmischievousmind]

EXSOMNIS

Chapter 5 Respect all, trust few

Exsomnis: Wakeful, Vigilant

Summary: Fresh Doctor out of residency you didn't expect Conyers to be this uneventful until everything happened at the same time. From the outset, an odd meeting with what seems like a steadfast Detective but it was only the beginning.

Notes: English is not my native language, I'm trying to get better at it, please be indulgent ^^

Based on the movie Prisoners by Denis Villeneuve (so I don't own any of the OG characters) if you haven't seen it, I recommend you do (maybe before reading) :) The story takes place before and through the event in the movie.

A bunch of folks gathered in front of the Birch’s house that night. People were murmuring about the disappearances, their curiosity sometimes being way too intrusive. Plush and toys disposed on the grass between candles, sobbings were heard. 4 days had passed since the abduction, as a doctor, you knew they could still be alive even without water and food, but children are delicate, the thought of someone hurting a child made you sick. The first suspect, Alex Jones, had been released but was now missing too it was a big mess. Your internal ranting got interrupted as you catch a glimpse of a familiar face.

Loki was there, scanning the little crowd, you wondered if he had seen you. Still watching him out the corner of your eye, he started to make his way into the mass, your heart rate accelerated seeing his determined features, for a second thinking he’d seen you and come to you but instead he kept going forward, your eyes following his figure intently until he started running towards the houses. You gasped slightly.

“what the…” your body faced the way he ran, you felt Erin’s hand on yours.

“What is it...?” she glanced beside you trying to see what got your attention but failed to.

You didn’t want to alarm her as you didn’t know what you had just witnessed. “Nothing, damn it’s cold,” you hushed up, blowing warm air on your gloves’ hand.

 Erin had begged you to stay with them tonight, a good bottle of wine seemed like a good idea to somehow cheer up the three of you.

Erin sat on her carpet. “What do you think happened to that kid, the Jones kid?”

“Must have run away,” Rachel answered, grabbing a candle off a shelf. You just shrugged.

“Hey what did you see back there?” Erin inquired eyeing the candle Rach just light on.

“Oh nothing,…just Detective Loki was there. Surely in case, the culprit showed up to satisfy any perverse desire.” You three shuddered at the thought of the kidnapper being there in the crowd.

“Did he see you? He could have come over.” Rach propped herself up on the couch.

“Yeah, I could have invited him tonight.” Erin nodded.

“I don’t think a community gathering, especially for two missing girls, is the right place to banter. Plus he was certainly on duty. “

They both grimaced sipping on the red liquid.

 Calls were the only way to talk with him at least for a few minutes but this night’s call with Loki ended up quite tense...

“Are you sleeping?” your voice was a bit sluggish because of the wine,  his however not at all. 

“I don’t have time for that” he retorqued.

“I know but ..., you have to rest!” you begged

“Is it the doctor talking? I don’t need sleep advice right now. I have to go!” He hung up immediately.

“what the…” you look at your phone in disbelief, "moron...”

 And this is who police are saying is a person of interest in the investigation of the two missing girls. Now, this unidentified man who was last seen at last night's candlelight vigil, fled on foot when the investigating detective attempted to question him. Police caution the public not to approach this man, but call police immediatly if they do see him.

 You came by the station on your day off, to kind of get things right with Loki. Quietly stepping in the open space where you knew his desk was, he wasn't there.

“Can I help you?” An officer asked lifting his head from a cubicle.

“I'm looking for Detective Loki?” Clenching the coffee cups on your chest a little bit.

“He went to the archive, he should ... well never mind.” he pointed behind you. Turning on your heels, Loki stopped at the door, your hand lifted a little from the coffee lids as a wave. A little smile appeared on your lips, he didn't smile back.

“Come with me.” He said not showing any emotions at all. You followed him to a room, all the blinds were done, a large table with a few chairs in the middle, you put the coffee on it and turned to him, he closed the door and leaned on it, crossing his arms. You breathed in.

“It's really not the right time.” He finally talked. At first, you were baffled but you knew better.

“I thought a good coffee and some support would help…” you answered comprehensive and stepped forward to go, but he didn't budge from the door. He blinked a few times and for the first time you entered the room, he looked at you.

He shook his head, “sit”, he gestures to the chairs, it was more like a shy demand than an order though. You leaned on the edge of the table.

“Coffee?” You proposed glancing beside you at the two steaming black coffee, his demeanour changed as he approached the table, planting himself right before you. He was unnecessarily close yet it was definitely not unpleasant, his body warmth radiating around your own. He had rolled up his sleeves, you could see he had another tattoo on his right arm.

He reached out for the coffee, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the burning caffeine going down his throat, you watched him all along in silence.

“Talk to me. I know it's a difficult time right now, you reached for his hand, but I need you to take care of you.”

His rolled his eyes taking a few steps backwards, his hands on his hips, turning his back to you. You continued keeping a soft voice.

“You can't go around sleep-deprived, you might miss something Loki!“ 

“What do you want me to do, hm?” He turned back. “Go home, sleep 8hours straight and come back like that, we're counting hours,” his finger pointing to the ground.

“I’m not saying holidays, all I’m saying is to take some time, at least 2-3 hours of sleep each day, you're not the only Detective here, they know the case.”

“How would you know!?“ he waved his hand at you.

You didn't answer, the point wasn't to argue or lecture him but to make him aware that he had to look after himself.

“You won't be of any help if you keep on going like that. I'm telling you because I care, for the girls, the families and you!”

“Don't you think I care?” His voice went up.

“That's the point, you surprised yourself as your voice rose a notch, caring is what makes you the effin good Detective you are! Unless you're caring beyond your own good and senses. You're looking for answers, but if you neglect yourself you might not find some.”

A silence fell, he stayed leaned on the blinds crushing them, revealing the open space behind, your mind drift there for a minute watching a woman officer bringing in a man in handcuffs. 

You didn't felt him approached until he was nudging at your knee. His left-hand slide on the table reaching your own, he rested his other hand on the table on the other side of you, his head hanging low, you bet his eyes were shut. The silence was necessary, he needed calm to escape, just for a moment, the mess outside that room, to assess your discussion. 

Lightly moving your left hand onto his tattooed skin, to finally brushed the nape of his neck you felt him tense at your touch. He leaned in his temple against yours.

“I'll try. he inhaled, forgive me …I wish I could be there...”  

“Hey, you whispered back feeling his cheek on yours, some stubble prickling at the softness of your skin, out of sight, not out of mind.”

He looked at you then, your eyes bouncing between his blue ones as he stared at you, his hand caressed your cheek then slide down your neck.

"Loving the sight tho" he smirked a little.

You chuckled at the cheesiness although it made you fluttered, your hand slide from the back of his neck to his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his thorax. His other hand slightly brushed the skin over your knee, you blessed yourself for wearing a dress today. The tension between you two was perceptible, his eyes on your lips as he leaned closer, you force yourself to swallow, finding it hard to breathe now that he was so close. 

“Loki, the chef is asking...for you”

The door opened in a flash, you hastily retrieved your hand and rubbed it with your thumb, looking away. Loki took a step backwards, his hands back on his hips. 

“I’ll be right there.” he nodded at the officer whom left confused, before looking back at you. Standing further away from him now, he frowned at the distance you had put between you two. 

Without saying much you walked to him, stopping to kiss his jaw languidly. His hand snaked around your waist resting on your low back, you sighed slightly resting your lips near his.

“Call me whenever you need.” you whispered before slowly pushing yourself away.

“Take care and be careful out there, please.” he pleaded, you winked.

Chapter 6 - The Void screams back

[charanteleclerc]

Hello! I absolutely love you're writing! Can I please request a first kiss story between Lando and George? If you don't feel happy writing about this pairing, can I request a story with Lando and you can decide what you'd like to include.

just one look and my heart went boom

So he had a crush on the guy down the corridor. So what? Lots of people probably had crushes on people who lived in the same halls as them. It was university after all, hearts were made to be broken. And his heart was destined to be broken by the cute guy from down the corridor.

He didn’t even know the guy’s name.

“You should ask him.” Carlos shrugged, attempting to turn the microwave on. “”What do you have to lose?”

“Er, just my dignity.” Lando groaned. “I have to live near this guy for the rest of the year, if I’m an idiot then I’ve made it super awkward and it’s all my fault.”

Carlos rolled his eyes. “You are being over dramatic.”

“No I’m not.”

“Sí, you are.”

Lando sighed. “Fine. Maybe. But it’ll still be awkward.”

Carlos finally managed to switch the microwave on, turning round to face his flatmate with a raised eyebrow. “And if you don’t ask him, you will regret it forever. You only live one time, no? So go and ask. If it goes badly, just hide for a few weeks, he will forget, and it is all good.”

“I love the optimism.” Lando replied gloomily, resting his head in his hands. “I don’t even know his name.”

“You could just and ask.” Carlos sighed. “But instead, you are sat here talking to me.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“I am pretending I did not hear that.”

~*~

However, the universe seemed to have a different idea for him. He’d planned to pine from afar, maybe say hi if they passed in the corridor. And that’s what he did, for a while. Well, about two weeks.

He’d managed to find an empty table in the library, which could be counted as a small miracle. First years had flooded the library, desperate to make a good impression on their lecturers. It probably wouldn’t help in the long run, but there was a nice feeling about trying to study in the first few weeks.

“Hey, is this seat taken?” Someone asked, shuffling awkwardly. Lando nodded, only meaning to glance up, except when he saw who was standing in front of him, his mouth dropped open.

“Uh, yeah.” He squeaked. He cleared his throat, trying not to blush. “I mean, yes.”

“Cheers.” The guy sat down opposite him, frowning a little. “Hey, you live near me, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I think so. Surtees 12B.” Lando offered.

“Surtees 12D.” He said, grinning. “I’m George.”

“Lando.”

“Well, nice to meet you Lando. I’ve been trying to find a table round here for ages, it’s like every first year has had the same idea.”

Lando laughed. “Along with us, it seems. Everyone wants to make a good impression.”

“Well, those lecturers are scary.” George joked. “It’s like they can look into your soul sometimes.”

“It’s really disturbing.” Lando agreed. “What’s your degree?”

“Sport Science. You?”

“Media and Communication.” Lando said, shrugging. “I was that guy who didn’t know what to do, and spent too much time on social media, so why not make it into a degree?”

“Better than me, I was so desperate to be a racing driver for years, and when I realised it wasn’t going to happen, I didn’t really know what else I liked, so figured why not this.”

“Seems we’re both just as lost as each other.” Lando laughed. “Hopefully we’ll figure it out.”

“I’m sure we will.” George nodded. “Right, I’m gonna try and write this, and probably only get about five sentences done, but I should try.”

“Otherwise those demon lecturers of yours will be on your back.” Lando nodded, smirking. “Good luck.”

George laughed. “Keep your fingers crossed.”

“Will do.” Lando said, putting in headphones. Carlos was not going to believe him.

~*~

“My god, why did we walk home instead of taking the bus.” Lando whined, juggling the bags of shopping in his hands to try and grab his keys out of his pickets. “I can’t get to my keys, can you grab them for me?”

“No, I cannot get to your keys either because I am holding six bags.” Carlos snapped. “I cannot feel my hands.”

“Why did we decide to walk.” Lando moaned. “Why why why?”

“Someone thought it would be a good idea as a workout.” Carlos muttered. “I think someone made a bad choice, and I should not have listened to him.”

“Well you did, and now I can’t get to my keys, and -”

“Need some help?” Someone said from behind them. They turned, and for the second time, Lando felt his jaw drop as he saw George in front of him.

“Er, hi George.” He managed to get out. “We’re just trying to get inside, I can’t get to my keys.” He nodded down to the bags he was carrying. “All bagged up, y’know.”

“Where are your keys?” George asked, looking between Lando and Carlos intently.

“My, er… my back pocket.” Lando knew he was blushing, he could feel his cheeks burning. “You don’t need to… oh, okay.”

George stuck his hand into Lando’s back pocket, quickly pulling out their door key. He put the key into their door, turning it and opening the door. “There you go.”

“Thanks.” Lando stammered. “Do you, uh, wanna come in? Maybe?”

“Nah, I’ve got stuff to do.” George shook his hand, still glancing between the two guys in front of him. “I’ll see you around?”

“Sure!” Lando cringed when George started to walk away, trying to ignore the look Carlos was giving him. “What, shut up.”

“I said nothing.”

“Still. Shut up.”

~*~

Carlos had dragged him out to a club with some of their friends, with the intention to cheer him up apparently. He hadn’t seen George since that day with the keys, and he was beginning to think that he’d either scared him off, or that George had never been interested in the first place. It was probably the second one, he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up.

“Come, Lando, dance!” Carlos said into his ear. “Everyone is dancing.”

“I’m okay.” He yelled back, pointing at the table. “I’ll look after the drinks.”

Carlos rolled his eyes, but disappeared back to the dancefloor. He could see Alex, Max, Lando and Dany from where he sat, and Charles and Pierre were somewhere about. Normally he loved going out, but he just wasn’t in the mood tonight. He’d rather be at home, curled up in bed with a movie, but Carlos had been very persuasive.

“This seat taken?” George appeared next to the table, looking hesitant. Lando nodded, scooting across a little. “Cheers.”

“Not out with mates?” Lando shouted, looking over at the dancefloor. George nodded.

“Yeah, but they’re busy. Not really in the mood for dancing.”

“Same!” Lando nodded. He took a deep breath, heart in his mouth, as he asked, “Want to get out of here?”

“Where are you thinking?”

“There’s a McDonald’s across the road.” Lando shrugged. “If you want.”

“Your boyfriend won’t mind?” George asked, looking over to where Carlos was.

“What, Carlos?” Lando laughed. “Carlos isn’t my boyfriend.”

“No?”

“God, no. He’s nice and all, but we’re definitely just friends. I’ve seen him in some situations that would make any attraction disappear completely. And I’m pretty sure he’s got a girlfriend back home.”

“Oh, cool.” George relaxed a bit. “Sure, McDonald’s sounds good.”

“Cool cool cool.” Lando grinned, jumping up. “Let’s go!”

They weaved their way out of the club into the cold night air, gasping at the sudden change in temperature. It was only late October, but any summer warmth had truly disappeared by now. They ran across the road, making happy noises at the fresh warmth inside, along with other students following them in, and to the annoyance of the employees on the night shift.

“What do you want?” George asked. “My treat.”

“No, no, it’s okay, I can pay -” Lando started, but George cut him off.

“You could owe me one. What do you want?”

“Fine. Big Mac and fries, please. And a coke. I’ll save a table.”

“Awesome.” George nodded, heading towards the counter. Lando dropped into one of their nicer booths, tapping a rhythm out on the table until George came back with the food.

“You’re a saint.” Lando groaned, biting into his burger. “A god amongst men.”

“I’m pretty sure you were the one that suggested coming here, but thanks for the flattery.” George teased. “So, if Carlos isn’t your boyfriend, are you seeing anyone else at the minute?”

“Er, no.” Lando felt his heart start to race. “I was kinda hung up on this one guy, but I don’t think he feels the same way. So, yeah. I’m not seeing anyone. You?”

George shrugged. “Not yet, but I’m hopeful. I thought he was seeing someone, but apparently I was wrong.”

Lando stopped, his burger halfway to his mouth. “Uhh…”

“If it’s okay with you!” George suddenly looked horrified. “God, I don’t even know if you actually like me or not. And if you don’t I’ve just made it super awkward -”

“I’ve had a crush on you since the third day of term.” Lando said, blinking. “You like me?”

“Duh. But then I thought you were dating Carlos, and I’d thought I’d already missed my chance.”

“Definitely not dating Carlos.” Lando said automatically. “So is this, like… a date?”

“I mean, if you want it to be.” George was blushing now. “It’s your choice.”

“And if it was a date, would I be allowed to kiss you?”

“If it’s a date, then yes.”

“Okay.” Lando smiled shyly. “It’s a date.”

“Okay.” George grinned, still blushing. Lando stood up a little, leaning over the table and kissing George softly, trying to commit this moment to memory.

He pulled back, hearing George gasp a little. “Oops, sorry.”

“No apology needed.” George said, sounding hoarse. “Definitely not necessary.”

Lando looked embarrassed, sitting back down. “So, how have the evil, soul-sucking lecturers been then?”

“I’m honestly beginning to think that one of them might be a vampire…”

[xtruss]

‘Lahore Attack Taught Me a Lot About My Character and Values’: Kumar Sangakkara

— Andrew Miller | UK editor, ESPNcricinfo

Kumar Sangakkara speaks in Lahore at the start of MCC's tour

Pakistan's emergence from international purgatory is slowly but surely coming to fruition. In recent years the growth of the PSL, and the willingness of its overseas stars to put themselves forward for the knock-out stages in Karachi and Lahore, has helped to accelerate a process that culminated, late last year, in Sri Lanka's arrival for the first Tests on Pakistan soil in more than a decade.

Bangladesh too have decided the time is nigh to get the show back on the road, with the second Test of their two-part tour due to take place in Karachi in April, after last week's innings win at Rawalpindi was lit up by a hat-trick for Pakistan's latest teenage sensation Naseem Shah.

But for sheer symbolism, few matches will resonate more than the one taking place under the Gadaffi Stadium floodlights on Friday, when Kumar Sangakkara leads his MCC side in a T20 contest against Lahore Qalanders. In doing so, he will return to the scene of the most shocking atrocity to be visited on an international sporting team since the Munich Olympics in 1972.

The events of March 3, 2009 are all too well known to cricket's tight-knit global community. As the Sri Lanka team bus approached the stadium for what should have been the third morning of the second Test against Pakistan, they were ambushed by 12 gunmen on the Liberty Roundabout, sprayed with bullets and subjected to rocket and grenade assaults, in an attack that left six policemen and two civilians dead, as well as the driver of the minibus carrying the match officials.

Heroically, the Sri Lankans' bus driver, Mehar Mohammad Khalil, kept their vehicle moving towards the stadium compound despite having his tyres shot from beneath him, but amid the chaos, seven of the team suffered shrapnel and gunshot wounds - most seriously, Tharanga Paranavitana and Thilan Samaraweera, who only the previous day had completed his second double century in a fortnight.

Sangakkara himself had a shockingly near miss. As he related in his MCC Spirit of Cricket lecture in 2011, in the very moment that he turned his head to attend to Samaraweera, he felt the wind of a bullet fizz past his ear and strike his seat. The last time he and his team-mates departed the Gadaffi Stadium, it was as evacuees in a military helicopter. His return, more than a decade later, provides closure on the one hand, and hope on the other.

Meher Muhammad Khalil drove the Sri Lanka team to safety during the 2009 terror attack

"I don't think I need any flashbacks, because I remember that day and those moments so very clearly," Sangakkara told ESPNcricinfo, on the day of the team's arrival in Pakistan. "It's not something I relive or wallow in. But it's an experience you should never forget, because it gives you perspective in terms of life and sport, and you learn a lot about your own values and characters, and those of others.

"I have no reservations about talking about it, it's not something that upsets me, but these sorts of experiences can only strengthen you. Today I consider yourself very fortunate to be able to come back here to Lahore, and at the same time remember the sacrifice of all those who lost their lives that day."

The emotions among the Sri Lankans ran understandably wild in the immediate aftermath of the attack, though as Sangakkara recalled, their innate resilience shone through first and foremost, along with a certain grim humour too. Within minutes, Ajantha Mendis, himself injured in the attack, was reaching for his poker chips and setting up a card school, while Sangakkara's own thoughts somehow kept coming back to Paranavitana's terrible first taste of international cricket - a golden duck on debut, and now hospitalised with a bullet in his chest.

"I think everyone deals with it in their own personal way," Sangakkara said. "But at the same time, what really unites us is that you face adversity and you face challenge, and you have to get past it, and you've got to do that successfully. It's about moving forwards and upwards and being part of cricket. Being Sri Lankan you learn those lessons quite well, because throughout our civil war, cricket was a unique vibe.

"We speak about the attack at various times," he added. "We even have a laugh about it, in terms of what we went through, because it helps sometimes to look at it with a bit of humour, even though there was a tragic loss of life, and other serious injuries within that incident.

"And I think for us also, it's brought home the fact that being a cricketer on the international stage, you are not immune to real-life situations and the experiences of other people that you might not otherwise connect with. It's really a strengthening experience for us, a humbling one as well, and it puts a lot of things in perspective."

Sri Lankan players prepare to board a Pakistani military helicopter

That said, Sangakkara had no reason to think he'd ever come back to Lahore after the attack, certainly once it became clear that international cricket would not be returning to Pakistan before his retirement in 2015. But as MCC president - an office that speaks, in his words, of "stewardship and legacy" - he felt a compunction to lead a side back to the country to help to spread the word that one of the game's "powerhouses" is open for business once again.

"There is history and tradition galore at MCC but to actually use that to benefit the game, not just in the UK and within the club framework, but beyond that, internationally, will edify the philosophy of MCC," Sangakkara said. "We feel we have a role, not just as the guardians of the spirit and laws, but of the game itself. We leave a legacy of trust and support in all the countries that we tour."

The 12-man squad, which will be coached by Ajmal Shahzad and also features the likes of Ravi Bopara, Ross Whiteley and Roelof van der Merwe, is due to play four fixtures in the space of six days - three of them in the leafy environs of Aitcheson College, the so-called "Eton of Pakistan", which counts Imran Khan among its most illustrious old boys.

Most of the trip, in fact, will be a far cry from the hustle and hype of a full international tour, and Sangakkara was at pains to point out that MCC's presence was not about pointing fingers at any Test nations that might still be having doubts about committing fully to a return to Pakistan - least of all the next scheduled visitors South Africa, who are due to tour the country next month, pending security clearance.

"Our message is very simple," said Sangakkara. "We are here because we are confident that we will have a great tour. There's been a huge effort by Wasim Khan [managing director] at the PCB, and the government, to get us here, and once we are able to show that this tour has gone off successfully, that message will resonate beyond Pakistan, and go a long way towards strengthening the purpose of other sides who are making the decision to come back.

"These things take time. You have to build confidence by sending the right message, then you need the right protocols and the right arrangements in place. But it's great to see it all gathering momentum. More and more teams are talking about it, and more teams are coming back."

As for Sangakkara's own return, his first 24 hours back in Pakistan have turned out to be improbably relaxing.

"I did spend some time thinking what it would feel like, coming back to Lahore, going to the ground and staying at the Pearl Continental Hotel," he said. "But the reception at the airport was brilliant, everyone was so passionate about us coming here. It really made us relax, getting into the bus. It feels lovely to be back, and I'm glad I made the decision to come back to Lahore and be part of this tour.

"It's about reigniting the passion and the spark of inspiration for young Pakistani boys and girls, who want to be able to watch their heroes, playing at home in front of them in the flesh. The best in the world, competing and winning and doing great things.

"There's no greater legacy can be left behind than that, and for MCC to be part of that effort to bring international cricket back to Pakistan, I think we can all be quite proud."

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Hey Janis: you alright? Jimmy: Are you? Janis: Obviously stressing over what to wear for community service 😱😱 Janis: nah, just the standard bullshit though, nothing unexpected or that I can't handle Jimmy: that's a good shout, I heard there's gonna be a dickhead there with a 📷 and nowt to do cos he's too 😎🚬 to do what he's told Janis: Oh God, sounds like the worst Janis: 👍 for the warning, mate Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Go on then, answer for an answer Jimmy: what are you asking? Janis: I've already asked, are you alright? Jimmy: I ain't 😭 over picking up litter, clean tables every day, me Janis: 'course Janis: 💕 it so much you wanna do it for free, right Jimmy: The CG's wage ain't nowt to write up north about Jimmy: 💔💰🎻 Janis: I'm glad you've not got a family back home you're tryna support with coffee beans Janis: might make me almost feel bad, and I can't give my family the satisfaction so fuck you, like Jimmy: that you know of Jimmy: could have a 👶 in every mine Jimmy: fit as well as mysterious, like Janis: No one is fit enough they need to reproduce on an already overpopulated planet Janis: not even you, new boy 🤷 Jimmy: never said they were wanted 👶 Jimmy: in that part of the country, who isn't an unloved bastard Jimmy: 🗬🖋 Janis: obviously Janis: in this country we had to go to yours to really do fuck all about it for 50 odd years Janis: and who wants to go to Liverpool, honestly 🤢 Janis: least if you drag it up might contribute to your funds eventually Jimmy: You don't wanna go dig up that one band they're a bit famous for then? Jimmy: proper pissed on my #datenight plans that Janis: had enough ✌ & 💕 to last a lifetime, soz Janis: photoshop me in Jimmy: but have you had enough 👻🥊? Jimmy: think on, dickhead Janis: plenty 'round here for that Janis: though too many memebers of my family are still unfortunately living so Jimmy: UGH you NEVER wanna do the things I WANNA DO!! 😣😣 Janis: 😏 fine, jump bail with me and smuggle aboard the next ferry Janis: if you're gonna be a nag, like Jimmy: now you're 🗨 Jimmy: won't have to swap you for Asia for a bit Janis: Get her to guess the band, that'd be insightful Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Get her to do your community service, might get hit by a car or kidnapped by the twat driving long as he's got 🍬 Janis: Your attempt to get to spend more time with her is blatant Janis: 💔 she didn't show to your party, Gatsby? Jimmy: I'm just so 😍😍😍😍 soz mate Jimmy: and yeah tah for the salt in my wounds Janis: Poor boy Janis: 'least her boyfriend didn't shoot you, swings and roundabouts Jimmy: why you saying that like it's a good thing? Jimmy: born ready to ⚰ Janis: he'd not shoot me Janis: 😇 that I am Janis: wouldn't be fair Jimmy: he'd probably miss, any road Jimmy: leave me with a scar that does nowt but make me more fit and more mysterious Janis: 🙄 see, a good thing Janis: no one needs that, least of all you, so shy and retiring really, yeah Jimmy: ✔ Janis: don't you leave me on read, dickead Jimmy: or what? Janis: I won't send you a postcard when I get to where I'm really going Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: but gonna be I'm #living for the picture on the front Janis: Wish you were here has never been faker Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Wonder who grassed Jimmy: 💰 on 💀👑 Janis: Not a bet I'd take on 'cos probably Jimmy: that or your 🤵💍 wasn't as into 💔 as he reckoned he would be Jimmy: soz sir Janis: married to the job Janis: shoulda known Janis: not his school, like Jimmy: not like I fucked you on his desk, he got off way easier than he were 🗬🤤 Janis: All talk Janis: like all lads Jimmy: Oi Janis: Would you like me to tell you you're different Janis: you don't say much so it isn't untrue, on that count Jimmy: you've only got the one job, rich girl, do you seriously need me to tell you how to do it? Janis: I shouldn't put community service on my LinkedIn? 🤔 Janis: damn Jimmy: gutting I know Jimmy: you'll look proper fit in the jumpsuit an' all, all that possible promo just pissed up the wall Janis: shut up Janis: shit, I didn't ask Janis: what is gonna happen with your actual job? Janis: could you make the hours work without needing to let on to them or what Jimmy: it'll get out Jimmy: more 💰 on 💀👑 Janis: Time how long it takes her to be in your inbox with the 🖤mail Janis: make you her personal bitchboy for life Janis: ugh Jimmy: I'll just tell 'em, either they'll want me to do my shifts round it or they won't Janis: yeah Janis: sorry Jimmy: for what? Janis: if you get sacked Jimmy: dickheads need lattes all over town Janis: true Janis: shame if you don't even get a reference out of the experience though Jimmy: not sure I want one from a knobhead who's never there and reckons my name's Jamie though Janis: still devastated Janis: but not about me, being supportive Jimmy: he could be my fall guy, weren't me it were all him, shady twat Jimmy: never even set foot in a school, me Janis: Get your coworker to alibi Jimmy: he'd obvs only do it if you asked him Jimmy: like owt else Janis: don't do yourself down, babe Janis: he specifically said you seem like 'a chill guy' Jimmy: I were dragging you down if I were doing owt, babe Jimmy: but alright Janis: yeah well you've called me a slag before Janis: not news Jimmy: Have I? Jimmy: don't sound like me that Jimmy: always keep it #goals Janis: yeah, you weren't being very 'chill' either Janis: but he don't have to know Jimmy: #whenshekeepsyoursecrets Janis: every battered wife knows the drill Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Jimmy: 🤞 lad Janis: wouldn't worry, 🐷 do fuck all 'cept protect one of their own Janis: #ladsladslads Jimmy: @ my other co-workers Jimmy: been busted lads Janis: brothers in brews Janis: such a strong bond Janis: 🤞 Jimmy: making me emotional tbh Jimmy: 👮🚔💕 Janis: gotta beat real siblings, like Jimmy: speaking of, you reckon they'll let me take the 🐕 with me? Save me a job Janis: Worth asking Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I've gotta beg the speakers back from 'em so Janis: class first impressions Jimmy: I'll do it, soft lad is obvs the first impression I make as standard Janis: you saying you can bat your eyelashes better than me? Jimmy: duh Jimmy: mine are well longer than yours Janis: fuck off Jimmy: 📏 matters, Janet Janis: you'd know, fat bitch Jimmy: 😱😱😱😱 Jimmy: just 'cause I've got better tits than you, no need to start a scrap Janis: Tits don't count if you only got 'em 'cos you're obese Janis: ask your girlfriend Jimmy: I will Jimmy: properly miss her so any excuse for a 🗨 Janis: you deserve each other, truly Jimmy: Tah, my dear Janis: so you'll be pleased to know you'll be spending less time with me from now on Jimmy: why? Janis: my parents have really leaned into the narrative and have decided you're the enemy Jimmy: Bill's 👻 must've had a word Janis: Yeah Janis: might've mentioned the joyride just to really fuck 'em off and all Jimmy: You wanna call things off then? Jimmy: it weren't part of the plan, them getting Shakespearean about it Janis: nah, fuck that Janis: they'd be doing it regardless, decided they should finally give the whole parenting thing a go Janis: just saying the story can be we're being cruelly kept apart Janis: not that I'm planning to stay locked in my fucking tower actually, already made my first break so Jimmy: Alright Janis: sound more buzzing you don't have to see me, could you Jimmy: 😁😆😄 Jimmy: there you go Janis: 💕 Janis: so sweet Janis: I won't shout about my MIA status, wouldn't be #goals for you to not know where I am Jimmy: do owt for you, you know it and it's obvs vice versa Jimmy: you just proved it there Janis: 'course Janis: will say it was me and hot barista that planned it all if you need Jimmy: bollocks are you taking credit for my idea Janis: I did the heavy work Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: that's the fakest thing you've ever tried to make sound real Janis: excuse me Jimmy: you heard Janis: don't chat shit Janis: We both pulled it off but we can throw him under the 🚎 Janis: you've already taken Jamie away from me Janis: what's the point now Janis: save yourself Jimmy: shut up Janis: do you love him? Jimmy: Do you? Janis: yeah Janis: one convo and bam Janis: actually that 😍 bitch Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: I'll see myself out Janis: 'til 💀 do us part, dickhead Jimmy: that'll be you and Mr Lucas Jimmy: I'd remember if I'd been down on one knee Janis: me too Janis: so hard done by Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: you cool with being done that dirty Janis: 📏 counts for shit when you lack enthusiasm Jimmy: ain't the first time Janis: shh Janis: don't need to know how often you were down on your knees, tah Jimmy: that don't bode well for our insta q&a Janis: fake rock my world some more then Janis: selfish Jimmy: I'll climb to the top of your white tower any time, girl Jimmy: you're the one MIA Janis: Only at night Janis: gotta be up bright and early for our date 💕 Jimmy: I don't think fucking on a pile of rubbish we've just collected would be considered very #goals but I'll give it a 🥇 spin Janis: there's no way 'round how unapproved all this criminal activity is Janis: still worth it Jimmy: Dunno about you but I'm 👏🏆 in every DM Jimmy: that 😎🚬 rep been set proper in stone now Janis: Lucky you Janis: I've been too busy getting lectured Jimmy: poor baby Janis: I know Jimmy: What can I do to make you feel better? Janis: down you go Jimmy: Alright Janis: I don't know though Jimmy: ⏲ Janis: You in a rush too? Jimmy: Got loads of other girlfriends to 👀 Janis: how many fakes one though Jimmy: That'd be telling Janis: so go on Jimmy: Why would I? Janis: have multiple fake girlfriends or tell me about the others Jimmy: Well? Janis: you could get them all to do different shit for you Janis: potential there Janis: idk why you wouldn't tell me if you did though, not like it'd fake break my heart Jimmy: There's your answer then Jimmy: not gonna give away secrets you don't give a shit about hearing Jimmy: what kind of power move Janis: You want to fake break my heart Jimmy: Why would I wanna go off script? Jimmy: The plan is you break mine Janis: I know Janis: not likely to forget what we're doing here Jimmy: Don't forget to tell me how to make you feel better then Jimmy: it's obvs all I'm breathing for Janis: just as obvs I don't really care about any of the Drama™ Janis: as long as I've got you Jimmy: 💕 Janis: just as obvs that I wanna know where you are 'cos I'm bored and dunno where to go or what to do Jimmy: [sends her a pic of him at the park by his house like oh hey] Janis: 😍 Janis: obvious, if the dog isn't with you then I'm not really interested Jimmy: [a pic of Twix because of course] Janis: colour me convinced Janis: we should probably show the fans a united front anyway right Janis: not turned on each other soon as the law got involved, like Jimmy: 🖌☻ Jimmy: not racist if it's your happy colour, right? Janis: 😂 Janis: it's NOT a free pass but Janis: not mad about it, don't tell Jimmy: 😅😅 Janis: it was alright though Janis: the party Janis: aside from doing what we set out to achieve Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: I might throw another one Jimmy: maybe it'll be my rep next place I end up Janis: 🦋 Jimmy: 🤡 probably getting closer Janis: no fit and mysterious but Janis: maybe the next place will have less cunts Jimmy: could be fit and murderous Jimmy: 🤡🔪🔪 Janis: 🙏 Janis: keep my 👀 on the news Jimmy: I'll give you a shoutout, baby Jimmy: write your name in blood or something Janis: Carve it in a victim so I know you remember it 💘 Janis: 🤤🤤 Jimmy: like I said, owt for you, Jules Janis: Thanks Janis: just tell me when you're gonna murder-suicide Janis: can't stay dying here forever Jimmy: I promise Janis: Good Janis: 💀💕 Jimmy: 👻💕 Janis: gonna have to get as far out of this place as I can before I go Janis: refuse to be stuck haunting this shithole for eternity Jimmy: #same Jimmy: though I dunno where's gonna be any different Janis: anywhere you don't know anyone and they don't know you Janis: I reckon Jimmy: that's here for me Jimmy: still don't 💕 it Janis: you'll have to go back home then? Janis: don't know how you're getting through customs as a wanted man but you'll make it happen Jimmy: fuck that Jimmy: if that's where my heart's meant to be you can actually 🔪 it out Janis: would LOVE to have your heart Janis: ultimate goals amirite Jimmy: you can take it then Janis: hot Janis: seeing as everywhere on earth is shit then, shall we just go straight to hell? Jimmy: You said you were going 😇☁ Janis: hold onto your 😎 'cos it's the same place Janis: truth is, just a fucking bummer if you're 😈 Jimmy: What? Janis: heaven and hell are the same place, some people reckon Janis: what could be more torturous than constant classical music and having to wear white for someone so fit and mysterious? Janis: you're gonna be 💔 baby Jimmy: How could you!? Jimmy: pissed on my afterlife Janis: So soz Janis: can always subscribe to reincarnation, might be a laugh Jimmy: 🦍 actually Jimmy: Dan would be so 😍😍 Janis: 😂 Janis: Ahh Dan Jimmy: OMG you can be a 😳🐷 #fated Janis: Shut up Janis: I'm not being breakfast Jimmy: Or a 🦇!!! Janis: That's more appealing Janis: I'd do that Janis: give fuckers rabies amongst other awful diseases Jimmy: such a romantic, you Janis: you just need to avoid hunters Janis: you can be chilling up trees, when you're not kidnapping ladies Jimmy: protect me when I'm 💤 babe Janis: Cute Janis: how am I gonna know it's you though? Jimmy: What kind of signal do you want? Jimmy: 🚬☁? Janis: where are you getting 😎 from and all Janis: I'll just have to bite a lot of gorilla necks 'til one of 'em is into it Jimmy: Duh the lasses I've kidnapped Jimmy: what else are they good for? Janis: I don't know if they really discussed that in king kong Janis: I hope not Jimmy: Date night 2 after we've dug up Lennon and Co Jimmy: I've never seen it Janis: Me either Janis: I assume it's not a classic about Beastiality but Janis: might get 🍀 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: can liveblog Dan Jimmy: 🥇💡 Jimmy: in his DMs til his lass leaves him Janis: love that rep for me Janis: homewrecking then peacing out Jimmy: you have got form Janis: what are friends for Janis: free to tap that now, you're welcome Jimmy: if I wanted to 🐸 lad wouldn't have stopped me Jimmy: but tah very much Janis: yeah? Jimmy: What's your question? Janis: never mind Janis: his resemblance to pond life is uncanny Jimmy: 🎯 Janis: 🙊 Janis: I hope they're not all single now Janis: they get even more demonic when there's no dick around to distract them even for a sec, like Jimmy: Do you want me to do a poll? They'll tell me Janis: They'd lie to bone you Janis: Only Asia is stupid enough to not, God bless Jimmy: lucky me Janis: you don't have medical level BO and you can form basic sentences Janis: makes you a 🤴 to them but not special, you feel me Janis: the bar is underground Jimmy: SUCH a sweet talker, you 😳 Janis: I know Janis: just feeling #inspired by you Jimmy: you're meant to inspire me, dickhead Jimmy: gotta do everything myself round here Janis: I'll distract you Janis: make you do the wrong thing Janis: just 😇 things Jimmy: I'l see the paint coming this time, Judith Jimmy: it's the sober light of day Janis: Unfortunately Janis: my shower looked like a Pollock painting this AM Janis: and I can feel just how unsober last night was Jimmy: where's the 📷 you rookie? Janis: 😰 Jimmy: this is where us being #starcrossed falls down Jimmy: useless without me Janis: I wasn't feeling very inspired Janis: after the bollocking from the police, then from my parents, all whilst I could barely stand or 👀 Jimmy: you're 💔 me, girl Janis: I didn't even know where you were Janis: so dramatic, lowkey a stampede when garda showed Jimmy: I get it, you had your 🤞 they'd already sent me back to the grim north Janis: of course Janis: fake prison boyf Jimmy: fuck every other ldr that's the one Janis: could send you the good treats and nudes and shit Janis: so much more manageable Jimmy: you'd never be that nice to me Janis: once 👏 you 👏 kill 👏 for 👏 me 👏 Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: not got nowt else on Janis: won't even make it awkward and ask you to kill my sister Janis: pick whoever you wanna, got no preference here Jimmy: 💀👑 first Jimmy: the rest of 'em would feel it Janis: they are the flea to her rat Janis: gotta have that host body Jimmy: and I'd only have to touch her and she'd crumble to dust, an easy 🏆 Janis: How she's fucked as many lads as she has is beyond me Jimmy: 🤢🤢🤢 shh Janis: I know, it's disturbing and baffling on so many levels Janis: she doesn't even look like a good ride, who went there first and found out Janis: so many questions Jimmy: where's that q&a #content Mia? Janis: 😏 Janis: we should do one, not about the mystery of her skeletal vag Jimmy: the fans will have loads about the party and all that bollocks Jimmy: she'll have to wait Janis: gotta let the people know we made up Jimmy: can do it when you get here Jimmy: my brother's about but so's the 🐕 they're alright Janis: can keep the #content family-friendly Janis: read between the lines, lads Jimmy: yeah the 🐕 is more distracting than you Janis: Charming Janis: 😂 Janis: if I didn't feel like microwaved shit Jimmy: if you were 🥇 like me that wouldn't matter Janis: I didn't 📷 you don't know what I look like, twat Jimmy: you said feel Jimmy: nowt's been mentioned about how either of us look Janis: you sent me a pic Jimmy: and? Jimmy: you can either fake it or you can't 'cause you're either 🥇 or nowt Janis: 'course I can fake it Janis: just not gonna go that hard in front of your brother, obviously Janis: not 🥉 behaviour, that, just weird Jimmy: convenient that Jimmy: your excuse is non-existent 'cause as I said he's only got 👀 for the 🐕 Jimmy: bit like you Janis: 🙄 fine Janis: you're feeling unloved Jimmy: steady on, we're not having a therapy session on the 'gram Janis: just 😍 Janis: I know Jimmy: Go on then Jimmy: what do you look like? Janis: I've really got to send you a picture so you can tell me I look like shit? Janis: How about we get there and I just listen to all those fake compliments, like Jimmy: If I say please, will you give in? Janis: depends Jimmy: on how I say it or on something else? Janis: if you limit yourself to a word after you've seen it as well Jimmy: I can do that Janis: [we all know you look good you always do bitch] Jimmy: unfair Jimmy: there's my word Janis: okay Janis: I can deal with that Janis: more ? than ! Jimmy: I dunno if I can deal with you setting me up Janis: huh? Jimmy: I just thought you were gonna look Jimmy: and then you're Janis: well you don't look bad either so Janis: it's fair Jimmy: bollocks is it Jimmy: you heard me, I said unfair Janis: well alright Janis: but you're just as unfair then Jimmy: Nah I weren't faking I were 🧟 when I'm actually a hot 🧛 Janis: you're a 👻 Janis: if you don't get to come back as the peak hottest version of yourself, that's some bullshit Jimmy: Duh I actually were 👴 when I ⚰ you just 👀 me as 😎🚬 Janis: Best of both worlds Jimmy: that'll be why I'm such an optimist Janis: ☀ Janis: exactly what comes to mind tbh Jimmy: obvs Janis: think I might've accidentally got on a ghost bus though Janis: it's taking longer than usual, maybe I've been on here forever? Janis: who can say Jimmy: I should've offered to pick you up in Ian's car Jimmy: what kind of fake boyfriend Janis: fake boyfriend who wants to clock up all those hours scrubbing graffiti Jimmy: only 'cause date night 3 I'm planning to take you to put it all back Jimmy: if you're inspiring enough, that is Janis: 😏 Janis: keep doubting #hatersaremymotivatorsbabe Jimmy: prove it then I can't Jimmy: job done ✔ Janis: you want another picture with a 📰🗞 to prove I'm not lying, yeah Jimmy: You, lie? Bollocks would you Janis: know, it's what you 💕 best about me Jimmy: Yeah Janis: how is the actual loml today then? Jimmy: What the fuck does that mean? Janis: BABE!!! Janis: love of my life, OMG Jimmy: have you just made that up? Janis: don't be ridiculous Janis: start # me as such like RN Jimmy: [cue extra socials flirting] Janis: shit just got real, lads Jimmy: must be why I miss you Jimmy: nowt to do with how shit this park is Janis: obviously not Janis: everything's just more shit when I ain't about Jimmy: You're not wrong, bighead Jimmy: Love being bollocked by paddy 👮 me Janis: 🤤 was pretty blatant to me but don't reckon they noticed Jimmy: lads in uniform are just so 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: if I were american I could 🤞 Ian would send me to military school but 💔 Janis: only get your institutionalized abuse if you're rich enough to afford it Janis: or Catholic Janis: and there's a surprising amount of hoops to jump through there Janis: gutting Jimmy: 💔 about that an' all Jimmy: tah for being a pair of heathens mum and dad Janis: you could get confirmed but they'll 👀 you for being a right weirdo from the off Janis: no one JOINS Catholicism by choice, you're born to it and run away 😱 Jimmy: brb gonna have my quick 😭 before you get here Janis: Baby Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: [showing up finally and pretending you checking his face for 😭 and wiping 'em away like 'you can calm down now'] Jimmy: [pretending that you're checking her for bits of paint she missed behind her ears and everywhere but we know you just wanna touch her face and hair always] Janis: [the standard get off moment but loling and loving it secretly] Jimmy: [just leaning on her and sighing dramatically like ugh what a day but it's more to annoy her and be close to her than an actual genuine fml because god forbid you're real about it] Janis: ['that bad, yeah?' and doing an even bigger dramatic sigh '#relatable, mate' we're all loving life lollollol] Jimmy: [when you're competitive af so you wanna do an even bigger sigh yourself but you can't because you've got that secret rib injury and it hurts to breathe in thanks so much Ian #gotta reclaim it from April and Steve] Janis: [simply must] Jimmy: [thank god yet again that 😒 is his default cos you gotta get on the swing for the #aesthetic of this q&a and that means she's gotta sit on you, suffer for your art boy] Janis: [definitely gonna notice though at some point you can't stop me lol] Jimmy: [she always notices things it's a blessing and a curse] Janis: [thank your mother and grandmother for that girl; getting up like ? 'did you actually get stampeded or was it garda?'] Jimmy: ['I get that you're my biggest fan but the q&a weren't planned for you' because especially can't answer that question moreso than any other] Janis: [frowns but as per makes more of a thing out of it so it's fake] Jimmy: [squish her face like she does to you like cheer up] Janis: ['I won't turn it into a game, you can just tell me' 'cos we all remember truth or dare and how well that went] Jimmy: [shrugs 'being a northern 45 has it's downs on top of the massive upsides' when you're acting like you're 👴 and did it by falling or coughing too hard from 🚬 either of which could've happened but didn't] Janis: [🙄 'so you're alright then?'] Jimmy: ['it ain't part of the job for you to worry about me'] Janis: [shrugs like give a shit, boy 'not an answer also, not sneaky'] Jimmy: ['I know how to fake it, that's the only answer you need to hear'] Janis: [😒] Jimmy: [goes to check on Bobby and Twix like look how fine I am bye] Janis: [just chilling on the bench like you're so unphased but clearly not and he's clearly not fine otherwise he wouldn't have needed to fake it at all if it was nbd] Jimmy: [Twix jumping up him cos she's so full of love and he's just in casual agony like this is fine] Janis: [just shooting up like nope and coming over to distract Twix and throw her ball for her] Jimmy: [nhs direct be like DON'T smoke so of course that's what he's gonna do, when it's a habit and you don't think about how much it's gonna hurt but you've committed yourself to the 🚬 now] Janis: [just gesturing like lemme share that when you can see the wincing so at least he can only have half] Jimmy: [blatantly knows what she's doing and why but letting it happen cos ouch] Janis: [just doing overtime on that cig lmao] Jimmy: [just giving her a look like calm down as if you remotely have followed your own advice there] Janis: ['never know where the fans are hiding' looking 'round the park as if anyone is about 'cept families and tweens] Jimmy: ['You already looked hot, no need to go overboard'] Janis: ['what's your excuse then?'] Jimmy: ['For what?' you know perfectly well boyy] Janis: [a look that says as much 'you know'] Jimmy: [shakes his head like no I don't] Janis: ['you just want me to say it' tapping her head like not thick] Jimmy: ['so go on'] Janis: ['will you let me help you out if I do? I could walk the dog for you, at least'] Jimmy: [I've said before you can have her' gestures like take that dog away please and thank] Janis: [gestures at Bobby who's probably loving upon her like case in point] Jimmy: [shrugs like he'll get over it] Janis: ['she won't' 💔] Jimmy: [🎻 mime] Janis: [shakes head] Jimmy: [🙄] Janis: ['what did you dad say, like?'] Jimmy: ['I get it, you're trying to work out how up for committing crimes he is, you being underage and all, be a better shout if you faked it as yummy mummy though'] Janis: [tuts, 'runs in the family then'] Jimmy: [shakes his head really OTT because he likes his women 👵 'one of a kind, me'] Janis: [flexes muscle IRL] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [going back to the swing] Jimmy: [pushing her, don't hurt yourself boy] Janis: [just enjoying this but thinking the same, peeping back at him occasionally] Jimmy: [just looking at her like I'm alright cos downplaying it 5ever] Janis: ['alright, you're well hard, we get it'] Jimmy: ['I'm just such a lad, nowt I can do about it, like'] Janis: ['gift and a curse, sure'] Jimmy: [holds the swing to keep it still for a sec 'you alright?' cos even though he's only pushing her gently gotta take the piss that she might 🤢 cos so hungover] Janis: [shakes her head, dramatically 'I'm off the rails, babe and you're meant to be ride or die and you're not telling me nothing' big pout] Jimmy: [comes round the front of the swing so he can look at her dramatically like he's so OTT sorry and forlorn 'making me get on my knees'd be a bit cruel, but name owt else, baby'] Janis: ['yeah, don't' look like you better not with this mystery injury, boy 'tell me what the gameplan is, how are we doing this, how are we getting back at her for this?'] Jimmy: [sits on the swing next to her and is thinking like a winnie because hasn't had chance to even consider any of that with everything else that's going on] Janis: [nods like exactly 'obviously we wanted to get in trouble but that doesn't mean she gets away with being a snitch'] Jimmy: [nods back cos yeah fuck her 'what does she care about?'] Janis: [shrugs 'fuck all but controlling her calories and her minions'] Jimmy: ['Alright, how can we take the control off her?'] Janis: ['if you've still got your job, start melting butter into her coffees' 😏 but also seriously thinking 'not hard to get that lot having an argument...you reckon you could get her chatting shit on them to you? that'd work, love their #receipts, like'] Jimmy: [gets his phone out like let's see and gestures for her to come here even though they are only a swing apart anyway #blatant] Janis: [leaning over his shoulder like 👀] Jimmy: [imagine having to try and chat to Mia, good lord] Janis: [and god knows how you're gonna have to play this to get decent fallout fuel from her, she's not an idiot] Jimmy: [yeah we should say it doesn't work because realistically wouldn't and he'd be so fuming that he hasn't been able to do it] Janis: ['back to the drawing board' and back to her swing to ponder] Jimmy: [😒 af and such a frustrated sigh which is then like OUCH but trying not to show that 'What about that co-worker of mine you were proper willing to throw under the bus and reckon is so well fit?' Hey Pete hey] Janis: [instincitvely reaching to squeeze his hand like hey but then Pete gets mentioned and you casually have to drop it like a hot potato without being that obvious lol 'Does Mia reckon he's well fit enough too?' like I've not been there 'she harass him and all, like?'] Jimmy: ['You said none of 'em have got high standards, what were it, no BO and basic grasp of how to put words together?' shrugs and looks at her like yeah well I'm not trying to say it's a good idea just an idea and another sigh that you can't help because you hate that she cares about Pete and you're reading too much into what that means] Janis: ['might work, might be a bit weird to put across to him though' 'cos can you imagine, like hello, us again... 'she was pretty pissed off when we gatecrashed her sleepover, it'd be worse than community service but we could do more of that? get them on side so she looks as mental as she is, like'] Jimmy: ['Alright' because that's a much better and easier idea you have to admit boy] Janis: ['yeah?' makes a face 'cos what did you just sign yourself up for, you cannot stand these girls lmao] Jimmy: ['I just said it were, must be' because this is all so casual and fine] Janis: ['Remember when we couldn't do a school project with the bitch? Imagine what they're like with no parameters or focus...' rolls eyes like Lord help us all 'definitely gonna be Oscar-winning fakery'] Jimmy: ['first place or nowt, baby, it's what Mia's owed, keep that in your head and you'll rise to the challenge, right piece of piss'] Janis: ['she's not my muse, fuck off' but kicking him in a bants manner with your swingy feet] Jimmy: [raises an eyebrow like oh isn't she and is 😏 'I'll keep that to myself, case it fucks with your master plan, don't worry'] Janis: [stops his swing abruptly by yanking on the chain like how dare you 'arsehole' 😒] Jimmy: [OTT like OW even though he's as fine as he's been this whole time] Janis: [when you then have to stop yourself now to check like oh no, so then you're even more 😒 'don't do that!'] Jimmy: [holds his hands up like soz but his 👀s genuinely are we know 'you know I didn't mean owt, be my mate again'] Janis: [standing inbetween his legs and tilting his chin up with your index finger so he's gotta look at you, as if you can work out what happened to him just by staring into his 👀 really hard] Jimmy: [some amazing eye contact as per and hitting her with a 'what?' even though you know cos you always know] Janis: ['we can be mates' like okay do you wanna be any closer though] Jimmy: ['good' likewise not moving like boy if you lean in right now I'm gonna kill you] Janis: [when there's nowhere to hide but you also cannot be the first to break, torn much] Jimmy: [at least we can have Twix or Bobby or both interrupt as he's just moving her hair out of her face/needlessly touching her yet again but before he does or says something we're not ready for because seriously about to here] Janis: [this is true, you aren't alone so you can't have a total bench moment here] Jimmy: [and you defs can't be revealing your secrets or feels rn thank you sir] Janis: [just turning so fast and acting like that never happened like oh hi Twix whilst he deals with Bobby] Jimmy: [do them big brother duties because he can't know you're hurt so you gotta fake it even more] Janis: [the joys] Jimmy: [he's gonna have a ball cleaning up and working ILY Ian you're a star] Janis: [make that punishment even more punishing, we see you] Jimmy: [I also like to imagine his phone going off throughout like you better not be with that girl, try and stop me bitch] Janis: [likewise 'cos you've done a bunk so they're like where are you, you have to go community service blah blah blah] Jimmy: [sharing a look but not a LOOK like] Janis: [actual solidarity, like y'all have no idea yet] Jimmy: [Taking a selfie with Twix and Bobby to send to him like fuck you Ian I'm doing your jobs and then letting Bobby take some cos mini me] Janis: [can't help but smiling 'cos that's cute] Jimmy: [takes her phone to take a coupley selfie so she doesn't feel left out and no other reason] Janis: ['won't tag you, like'[ Jimmy: ['tag Jamie'] Janis: [lols 'start framing him now, alright'] Jimmy: [a genuine smile] Janis: ['gonna look insane when everyone realizes you were never here the whole time but I'll cope'] Jimmy: ['gutted that Bruce Willis beat us to that plot twist' and such a pouty face] Janis: [squishing it forever like 😏] Jimmy: [leaning on her like I'M SO SAD THO] Janis: ['how can I cheer you up?'] Jimmy: [looking around like we could make a run for it and start a new life, as if he's capable of running rn or ever] Janis: ['my bags are packed, like'] Jimmy: [gestures like come on then but is looking at Bobby and Twix like] Janis: [looks at 'em as well and shrugs like yep 'easier leaving kids that are yours, init'] Jimmy: ['obvs' but now he's thinking about his mum so is actually sad not fake sad #awks] Janis: [is thinking about Drew and Edie so we're all having a lil moment here] Jimmy: [drags her over to the slide like go on, cos he'd die if he had a go so can't] Janis: [looking at Bobby then back at him like 'got your duties mixed up' but obvs has a go not gonna be a spoilsport] Jimmy: [then Bobby has a go and then Twix wants a go so you gotta go again girl] Janis: [like a babby] Jimmy: [you know he's getting all the adorable pics] Janis: [putting Twix on Bobby's lap at the top of the slide 'cos she's a pup so small] Jimmy: [he's falling in love again y'all] Janis: [put twix in a baby swing, that would be hilarious] Jimmy: [they gotta so he can be 😏 instead of 😍 because you're not kissing her rn boy I forbid it] Janis: [there's just no fake rn and we all know it] Jimmy: [he doesn't have it in him rn despite what he said] Janis: [mhmm, we won't be infiltrating the flat whites any time soon lmao] Jimmy: [gotta give that more than a hot sec but I do think at some point they should run into Asia and her sisters again for the lol because] Janis: [that would be good 'cos the mood that day lolllll] Jimmy: [they can get Bobby in on the fake niceness by bribing him or something lol] Janis: [#playdate!] Jimmy: [exactly dr phil] Janis: [god bless] Jimmy: [should probably get that kid and dog back so come and chill at his gaff again girl] Janis: [your parents will be delighted hahahaha suck it lads] Jimmy: [hooray for Ian being at work so you don't actually have to see him though] Janis: [that's a blessing] Jimmy: [make tea and food for everyone Jimothy we know that's your life] Janis: don't need to tell you how to make it Janis: handy Jimmy: You gonna give me a hand though? Jimmy: I get that there's no promise of an apron but you already look 🥇 we've covered that Janis: and run the risk of you thinking I'm not a spoilt brat? 🤔 Janis: I guess I could Janis: as you're full of compliments as currency today Jimmy: 🤞 they won't take your 🐴 away for mucking in like the common lads and lasses do, rich girl Janis: Better not Janis: love mucking out SO much Janis: [does come to help like bonjour] Jimmy: and it would muck up the stable boy fantasy before we've had a go at it 💔 Janis: [lols] Janis: that's exactly what your accent is Jimmy: [says something like a cliche stable boy would idk I'm not a horse girl] Janis: [reminds me of that classic book baby mama was in with game of thrones, though he's like gameskeeper or whatever the fuck anyway, loling harder and fake swooning] Jimmy: [when you pretend to catch her fainting, shameless touching even if it hurts you is your real ultimate kink boy] Janis: [the tea, saying something stereotypically posh in a stereotypically posh voice to break the tension that is just always there now] Jimmy: [does the posh little finger thing while drinking his and loling] Janis: [making nerd glasses with her fingers at him like 😏] Jimmy: ['Oi, be nice to me' making a face like I'm so injured excuse you] Janis: ['yeah, you gone shy or you gonna show me?' gestures like kit off boy] Jimmy: [is awks af obvs because we know it's bad but does take off his top because can't admit it #challengealwaysaccepted] Janis: [breathing in through her teeth like ouch and really gently touching them, like barely, speaking just as softly 'you should take an ice bath, it'd take down this swelling'] Jimmy: ['always trying to get me in the bath, you' but his voice is as soft as hers is 'but no pictures this time, a cute filter ain't gonna make this look goals'] Janis: ['Who could blame me' but said more as a throwaway comment just to keep this feeling normal and not like you're worried about him in any way nope, a look like obviously, who am I? before moving him, gently, out the way 'I'll finish up here, yeah'] Jimmy: [a shrug like I can do it because god forbid you actually take it easy lad] Janis: ['I can make-' (fill in the blank of whatever he's feeding Bobby, lol fish fingers or whatever we know the vibe here) 'if you don't wanna get in without me, wait, like'] Jimmy: ['Calm down, no dickhead's ready for how wife goals you are' and some fake 😍 'if you're that about trying to work your magic work out how we're gonna fill the tub with the one ice tray, what would your mate Jesus do?'] Janis: [less fake 🙄 back 'fine, I'll go buy a couple bags, prepare yourself' and chucking her shoes and whatnot back on like brb, least you don't live in the middle of nowhere] Jimmy: [irl 👍] Janis: won't let you 🥶 Jimmy: not how you wanna 💀💀💀? Jimmy: I get it, nowt massively 😎🚬 about that Janis: In terms of murder, pretty good idea but nah Janis: I've done 'em before so I'm not 🙀 Jimmy: knew you had loads of bodies in your freezer Jimmy: bit rude to make me think our 💀💀💀 pact were the first Jimmy: bit ruder that you never went through with your end all the other times Janis: just waiting to meet the one, babes Janis: 🤷 can't be killing myself for every lad that comes through Jimmy: proper heartbreaker you Jimmy: knew that an' all Janis: You won't get chance to tweet that Janis: s'fine Janis: 🙊🙉🙈 Jimmy: didn't break none of my fingers Janis: you're really gonna do it whilst I'm out running errands? Janis: ungrateful Jimmy: stop begging, I'll be a good boy Jimmy: for a bit Janis: It's you with the kink for being told what to do, apparently Janis: stop complaining Jimmy: don't sound like me that Jimmy: ray of fucking ☀ or nowt Janis: wrong chat then Janis: my bad Jimmy: sort it out, girl Janis: be more memorable, boy Jimmy: 💀💀💀 you too quick if I were Janis: exactly Janis: letdown no. ??? Jimmy: piss off Janis: Calm down Janis: can't be letdown by something that ain't real Janis: only have myself to blame then and not about that Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: ugh Jimmy: It's a hard life, Jasmine Jimmy: crack on, we don't have all day Janis: excuse me Janis: as long as you do it within the first three days, it'll still work Janis: and you're on chef duties so you shut up and concentrate Jimmy: I can't concentrate if you're gonna chat to me like that Jimmy: 😍🤤🤤😍 Janis: blame the burning on me then Janis: we all know you're just 🥉 Jimmy: Oi, I'll be a top wife Jimmy: know how to take a punch and everything Janis: Shh Janis: busy Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Meant to be helping, so let me Jimmy: why you trying to make me 😭 then? that won't help Jimmy: bloody hurt if owt Janis: Obviously not Janis: you know I'm not good at words, it's not a surprise Jimmy: duh it's the only thing we've got in common Janis: is it cheering you to make me try and fail then? Janis: 'cos have at it but you will end up 😭 by the end of t Jimmy: I just Jimmy: wanna chat to someone who ain't 6 Jimmy: or a 🐕 Janis: 2/2 Janis: take that victory Jimmy: 🏆 Jimmy: there you go Janis: I will fill it with ice Jimmy: and a drink of your choice Jimmy: I 👀 you, pisshead Janis: just prepping myself for having to 👀 you in the tub again Jimmy: I can get in by myself, I were 👴 but 👻 me is in his prime, remember Jimmy: near as much an athlete as you at this rate Jimmy: 💪🥇 Janis: let's not get carried away Jimmy: spoilsport Jimmy: might wanna carry you about Janis: when you're recovered Jimmy: takes weeks 🤞 I'll be long gone Janis: about as reliable as 🙏 Janis: take from that whatever you want, heathen Jimmy: Tah Jimmy: or I'll just get another girlfriend who ain't as heavy as you Janis: fuck off Janis: I'm not heavy Jimmy: depends Janis: on how weak you are? yeah Jimmy: on who we're comparing you to Jimmy: but you can piss off, I'm not weak, I'm injured Janis: Know you're used to puppies and 6 year olds, obvs Jimmy: you're not the first lass I've lugged about, soz to melt your ❄ babe Janis: 💔 Janis: I'm not anorexic or otherwise as easily deluded, I know I'm skinny Jimmy: never said you weren't Jimmy: have said before that you're a 🦒 Janis: thanks Jimmy: 👍 Janis: need anything else whilst I'm here Jimmy: You're my nurse, you tell me Janis: get you some drugs Janis: don't take 'em all at once 💀💀💀 Jimmy: What if I promise to split 'em right down the middle? Janis: I'm not dying for you today Jimmy: Baby please Janis: Nah Janis: find some tiny girlfriend who'll need half the tabs Jimmy: been there, done that Janis: plenty more midgets either side of the sea Jimmy: I don't have time to go 🎣 but tah for that Janis: Busy busy Jimmy: hardworking kink ain't nowt but a curse 🎻 Janis: don't need to tell me Janis: I'm rich Janis: the less you see your missus and fam the better 🤤 Jimmy: wouldn't dream of telling you nowt of the sort, not very #goals that Janis: so needy 😏 Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: so mean today you Janis: just today? Jimmy: not thick enough to start digging myself down into that big of an hole Jimmy: and obvs too weak any road so Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: more like it Janis: though implying I was gonna get pissy about it was a dick move that did not go unnoticed Jimmy: I said what I said Jimmy: there's nowt you don't get pissy about when that's what you wanna do Janis: Maybe you're just really fucking annoying Janis: that's more than a distinct possibility Jimmy: only maybe? Jimmy: 💕 Janis: So optimistic too Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: you need to get back on it, pisshead, that'll sort you out Janis: You like me better when I'm drunk Janis: spread that around Janis: though frankly, lil rapey is their type Jimmy: I don't like you however much you drink, not a paddy Janis: Try drinking some more yourself Janis: looking for common sense at the bottom of a bottle ain't a noble pursuit but you know Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: [a selfie of him posing with Ian's stash like oh hey] Janis: and you were gonna let me buy more Janis: who's the shit host now Jimmy: I never said you should buy owt Jimmy: you went off on your own #mission Janis: you'll be grateful later Jimmy: yeah 'cause that's how you like me, I know Janis: Don't you start #kinkassuming thank you Jimmy: no need to assume it, I've 🔓 it Jimmy: got the 🎟 Janis: 🤔 Janis: Must've been wasted Janis: as per Jimmy: Or I've got the wrong girlfriend Jimmy: might do Janis: It happens Janis: what's my name again Jimmy: what kind of fish do you wanna be? that'd help me out Jimmy: I've voted already Janis: 🦈 Jimmy: #fated Janis: if you said 🐬 I'd delete and block you Jimmy: I can't, that's Asia's Jimmy: nowt I can do when she's just SO SMART Janis: can't wait 'til some screaming kid covers her blowhole and suffocates her Jimmy: 😂 Janis: shame you ain't a starfish Janis: cut your legs off see if they grow back Jimmy: What am I then? Janis: one of those lurky bastards at the bottom of the ocean Janis: just been sitting there for 10000000s of years Jimmy: that's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me Jimmy: brb need to dry my eyes Janis: I know Janis: 💦💦 Jimmy: that what's taking you so long? Janis: yeah Janis: am I not allowed any privacy? Jimmy: You've heard 💀👑's stance on that Janis: you invited her over already? Janis: keen Jimmy: you wish, Jennifer Jimmy: can't have her around in my weakened state Janis: fuck off and stop being a baby Jimmy: you fuck off Janis: come get your stuff then Jimmy: you're alright Janis: it'll melt out here Jimmy: I get that I'm such a ☀ but outside ain't competing that hard Janis: Don't be awkward Jimmy: gotta teach the 🐕 fetch some time Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: What? Janis: I've got to go put it in your bath myself, have I Jimmy: You haven't gotta do nowt Janis: are you coming to get it? Jimmy: Am I on a ⏲? Janis: would you like me to work out how long it takes to melt a bag of ice Janis: like I said, awkward Jimmy: 🤓 Janis: I'm going to smack you upside the head with it in a second Jimmy: [comes to get it like go on then] Janis: [obviously will not lol, just shoving it at him like there you go] Jimmy: [takes it and walks off leaving her with Twix who has come like hey girl] Janis: [tryna get her in the house 'cos you were tryna leave on the low but Twix says no] Jimmy: [puts some ice in whatever bottle he's stolen off Ian and offers it to her like] Janis: ['only 'cos it'll get watered down now otherwise'] Jimmy: ['duh, that's the trick, then he dunno I've nicked it'] Janis: [🙄 @ Ian 'Amateur, I would know'] Jimmy: ['you ain't thick and northern' said over his shoulder as he's going upstairs to get in his ice bath with the stolen booze casually] Janis: [just downstairs like what am I meant to do now excuse me but definitely not going to ask] Janis: try not to go into shock or get hypothermia please Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: how long have I gotta sit here like a dickhead? Janis: do 5 minutes, if you can hack it Janis: no longer than 10 Jimmy: say when Janis: Get in and then I'll come in and supervise Janis: I'm not gonna accidentally kill you Jimmy: don't get none of this #drama with a bag of peas Jimmy: but alright Janis: it'll be more effective Janis: trust me Jimmy: if you've gotta say it, I probably shouldn't Jimmy: well suspicious Janis: it's not gonna be nice but it'll stop the damage getting worse and kickstart the healing Jimmy: 🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶 Janis: yeah, that's why you're getting in before I come up Janis: I'll listen for the scream, like Jimmy: did you 👂 or do you want me to get out and back in? Janis: Okay Janis: so tough, I get it Janis: [comes up and puts her hand to his forehead to check his temp] Jimmy: [imagine his little face please just like fuck me this is #fun] Janis: [puts a timer on her phone and is looking for the biggest, softest towel for when he gets out] Jimmy: [when you're the most caring ever on the low] Janis: ['I'm sorry' and taking the drink from him] Jimmy: [a look like ? because not gonna try and talk atm] Janis: [gestures like for all of it, I don't know but then doesn't wanna be that bitch so sucks it up and actually says why 'I didn't mean to call you a baby'] Jimmy: [puts a finger to his lips like shut up it's fine] Janis: [shrugs an alright and sits down on the side of the bath] Jimmy: [splashes but so the water just comes up and doesn't actually touch her because not that rude and also he's too cold to do a really big splash movement] Janis: [reaching in, whey but not, to get his feet out 'cos apparently your toes will be most sensitive so they don't need to be under, neither do his hands, just rubbing some life back into them with said towel like there we go] Jimmy: [saying a sincere thanks with his 👀 but then having to look away because who ever looks after him #emotions] Janis: ['I'll make you a cuppa when you get out'] Jimmy: you just want one, I 👀 you Janis: [takes another swig from the bottle like yes, blatantly 😏] Jimmy: 😏 Janis: then you can get in bed for a bit Janis: can't get straight in a hot shower, though you wanna Jimmy: how many of these have you done? Janis: enough Janis: plus I do sports science and all that shit so Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: will when those bruises fade, like Janis: not jealous or nothing but it is a bit rude Jimmy: don't be, nobody does 'em like you, baby Janis: might have to tweet it Janis: don't want a repeat Jimmy: [cue flirty af tweets to distract her because we can't tell her what happened] Janis: [with that we can probably get you out, to your great relief] Jimmy: [help him like the 👴 he is, girl] Janis: [get him wrapped up in that towel and in his room asap] Jimmy: [you have to snuggle him it's basically the law] Janis: [would literally be rude not to, least you can do it and be rubbing his arms like just warming you up nothing else going on nope] Jimmy: [the amount of things I have to stop him from saying or doing rn, boy no] Janis: ['do you still own a hoodie? you need to wrap up warm'] Jimmy: [a lil lol but goes to get his warmest one cos wouldn't have had that out in april so she hasn't stolen it] Janis: [control your 😍 at his cute you've got a job to do 'do you want your tea now?'] Jimmy: [when you shake your head before you can stop yourself or do your trick of not answering a q because you just don't want her to go] Janis: [just patting the bed like get back in then] Jimmy: [does] Janis: [when you have to snuggle really hard for warmth also single bed moment again] Jimmy: [god bless, what makes it even better is knowing how fuming Ian would be but it's literally your fault sir, you've done this] Janis: [you did this bitch] Jimmy: [thanks for bringing them closer together hoe] Janis: [nice try, universe] Jimmy: ['Am I gonna die if I fall asleep?' from within the snuggle] Janis: [tiniest lol 'only if you also feel a sudden urge to take your clothes off too' accidentally saucy like 😳] Jimmy: ['well now you've told me not to, I obvs do' playing it like you're such a rebel but we know why you wanna] Janis: ['then I'd have to keep you awake, it's your choice'] Jimmy: [such a LOOK] Janis: [closing his eyes like no looking 'cos literally can't handle it] Jimmy: [opening them again because 1. he's that dickhead but more importantly 2. he can give her a look like even if I fall asleep don't leave] Janis: ['you can go to sleep' in response 'but-' and not finishing that sentence] Jimmy: ['what?' because I have to every single time] Janis: [non-committal noises like idk doesn't matter forget it etc] Jimmy: ['go on' because can't and won't drop anything unless he wants to] Janis: [shrugs without smacking him in the face hopefully 'cos you are that close rn 'you don't have to'] Jimmy: [nods like alright like it's so casual but not breathing because it isn't even remotely casual bye] Janis: ['We could-' stopping to correct yourself to make it sound more fake as if we're even remotely believing that now '-I could make you feel even better, if you want'] Jimmy: ['I get it, you reckon you're a better nurse than me, eh?' throwback to that school trip moment and how hot it was 'crack on then, but nowt'll top that ice bath' such sarcasm, such wit] Janis: [smiles 'not that that's much to brag about, yeah' rolls her eyes and sighs like oh, if I must, as if she didn't suggest it, TOTALLY unprompted 'still my idea, that, so your turn for a good one again, when you're all healed, of course' doing the poor baby pout at him whilst sitting herself up and maneuvering VERY carefully so she's sat on top of him, facing away so he's looking at the back of her 'obviously, that shit about not poking bruises is true, but if we sort the rest of your muscles out, you'll feel less fucked in general' and starting a full-body-but-his-abdomen-area massage with his calves/feet and working her way up 'cos lord knows the boy is tense and she already has a decent idea of what she's doing here] Jimmy: [when that feels so good literally immediately that you have to take the piss because you can't cope 'what the fuck else are they teaching you in sports science, girl?' I can only imagine the kind of teacher they'd have for that so I'm loling] Janis: ['gutted you didn't take it now, yeah?' shaking her head like 😏 and moving up to the thighs] Jimmy: ['more inspiring than art by the looks of it, like, not that that's much to brag about either'] Janis: ['your stuff was alright' like casually bringing up that night like how much do we remember, we'll never know] Jimmy: [thank god she can't see him blushing rn 'you're a decent canvas' bringing up the paint fight because yolo and downplaying the rest of his art because thanks Ian for making him think he's not good at anything] Janis: [likewise but you are gonna have to turn 'round now 'cos you've run out of body lmao 'you too' then and now, obvs] Jimmy: [we all just dying here] Janis: [take a sec to compose yourself before turning 'cos now you're gonna be onto hands and that's like the most intimate somehow] Jimmy: [it seriously is though] Janis: [think it's 'cos you have to sit and face each other and hold hands in a sensual manner, at least he is laying down though so he could avoid the eye contact if he chose to] Jimmy: [I REFUSE to allow you to make eye contact during this sir] Janis: [awkward when it'll be shoulders after and you're gonna be so up in his face like hello, stay strong lads] Jimmy: [oh lord I'll just be screaming DON'T YOU DARE KISS the whole time] Janis: [hohaha this is just mean] Jimmy: [she'll have her work cut out though because nobody's carried this much tension in their body since teenage Tess Vickers] Janis: [since me honey] Jimmy: [the tea] Janis: [least you can really concentrate on doing a good job 'cos yeah wants to kiss him so bad[ Jimmy: [there's no denying what a good job she is doing though 🥇 legit] Janis: [fuck you Ian] Jimmy: [forever the mood] Janis: [though will be leaving before you get back, don't need you fucking up all this hard work tah] Jimmy: [bye felicia] Janis: [though not going anywhere really you'll have to deal] Jimmy: [we should say one of the flat whites are doing something so they can start their plan] Janis: [yeah, maybe Grace is forcing Mia or one of the others to have a party 'cos obvs she doesn't want everyone at Cali gaff really] Jimmy: [and she'd be hoping it'd stop everyone talking about Janis and their party but it sadly won't babe] Janis: [when y'all can't hang and we all know it] Jimmy: [I vote it's 💀#2 cos mad at her for bathgate tbh] Janis: [and she's probably got the most impressive house in a basic rich way so it's a plus to getting people to show] Jimmy: [agreed] Janis: [along with Mia obvs but we know the vibe, what a joy this will be lol] Jimmy: [I feel like Mia would never have parties at her house because such a daddy's girl and that's why you have minions] Jimmy: [at least you can kiss when you get there cos DYING to] Janis: [exactly, not gonna trash your own house, like, plus bet her mum is a cringe] Jimmy: [I just picture Regina's mum in mean girls basically lol] Janis: [tryna cry about your cheating mans with your daughter and her friends, no one needs that do they Mia, at least Ali would never lmao] Jimmy: [Ali's only cringe cos of how hot everyone thinks she is] Janis: [Mia probably does, secret gay] Jimmy: [oh girl] Janis: [will we ever know your damage truly lol] Jimmy: [we should probably figure it out one day so when we're famous everyone's not like wtf casually an Amber from Get Even situation on our hands] Janis: [true true, but sometimes people are in your life as a cunt and you don't consider why, esp as a teen so it's real that the characters don't know, even if we do] Jimmy: [yeah agreed the whole point is she knows everything about Grace and she knows barely anything about Mia because power moves] Janis: [keep them secrets] Jimmy: [it's that poor little rich girl stereotype and we all know it] Janis: [god bless, we have been distracted though, shall we skip as we are not letting anything happen now or?] Jimmy: [we can do because we very much know the vibe and like realistically they could show up to this function way early like even while the flat whites were all getting ready if they wanted because they have a plan to start] Janis: [oh yeah, like let us help you set up!!!!1 mega friendly so not suspect lol] Jimmy: [we all know they'd be ??? but still let them because Mia thinks she's so smart and in control] Janis: [this would be so painful and funny like try not to die holding in lols at them] Jimmy: [#bondingexperiences] Janis: [they should also be wearing more basic approved clothes, like not too wildly obvs but more girly for her, less alternative for him] Jimmy: [yasss and Grace can do her make up because she's actually good at it for all her other cringe so it would look good] Janis: [gotta get her on side too, keep your suspicions in the chat and not in front of your friends] Jimmy: [you're not touching her hair though, Jimmy would be devastated beyond belief] Janis: [we have to draw the line somewhere] Jimmy: [also Asia should have a new bf she's showing off for the lols] Janis: [what a delight, all the single flat whites crying in the club] Jimmy: [omg if he shows up early too and tries to make awkward #ladsladslads small talk with Jimothy the most unsocial egg in the world] Janis: [good idea ladeh] Janis: 💀💀💀 Jimmy: after I've done him Jimmy: can't be lasses first this once, soz Janis: getting on that well, are you? Jimmy: don't 😘 and tell, me Janis: Bullshit Janis: all you do 🗨❤📷📱 Jimmy: Alright, 'cause you untwisted my arm, I'll 🗨 Janis: You giving each other chinese burns? Janis: you wanted that peak homoerotic bullying moment Janis: so happy for you babes!!! 💖 Jimmy: I wish but I do reckon I proper LOVE him Jimmy: summer wedding 🤞 Janis: sending you colour-palettes as we speak OMG Janis: gonna have to let Asia down really gently or you'll all turn up at the altar by the sounds of 🙄🙄 Jimmy: You'll do it for me though, yeah? call it first duty as maid of honour Janis: take great pleasure when I have to stop playing dress up and nice, yeah Jimmy: let's swap, I'd be about playing dress up Janis: 😱😱😱 EWWW Janis: such a perv Jimmy: be more jealous that I'm prettier than you, babes Janis: you be more that you'd NEVER fit in this dress she's letting me borrow 😘 Jimmy: 😭😭😭😭 find me in the kitchen with your sister eating my feelings Janis: yeah you stay away from my sister creep Janis: focus on making Janis: Declan? Janis: Dave Janis: your bestie for the night/forever and ever 💖 Jimmy: fuck that, please come and rescue me Janis: alright Janis: as he's as bad as he looks Janis: just got to finish being tortured here without dropping that he was in my DMs a few ago, like Janis: when will she meet her 🤴 eh Jimmy: when she stops fucking 🐸? Jimmy: though he looks bit more like 🦎 Janis: More exotic? Janis: upgrade 🙌 Jimmy: more like he's shedding his skin about Jimmy: what did he 🗨 then? Janis: eurgh Janis: least you forgo'd the black for just one night Janis: asking me my skincare routine, obvs Janis: all adds up now Jimmy: 🙌 Jimmy: adds up that he's all over me, that's all any dickhead knows of your skincare routine Janis: You can't be taking credit for my skin now Janis: already feel like a barbie up here without you turning it Frankenstein Jimmy: Poor baby Jimmy: I can save you, just 💪 my way in, hang on Janis: Can hear the hysteria already Janis: if the octaves get any higher, only your dog gonna be able to understand 'em, like Jimmy: you're worth the risk to my one good ear 💕 Jimmy: [does bowl in and pull her away but not far because 👀🍿 like I need you to be with me soz] Janis: [Grace just like HER MAKEUP 'cos we know the lipstick is going everywhere] Jimmy: [soz not soz gals] Janis: [lowkey tryna make him leave 'cos this is girl's time 'cos that's always a thing like we all know you're just jelly and sad about your own lack of love ladies] Jimmy: [Mia like no boys and JJ just ignoring her so hard rn because only got 👀 for each other and it's not even fake] Janis: [cannot sacrifice him to this boy rn imagine the 'bants' good lord] Jimmy: [literally he could not be further from that #lad vibe he'd be so over it and tbh fuck you Mia we know you're the only one who actually cares if he stays] Janis: [tbh, just chilling on 💀#2 bed like you're abso besties rn] Jimmy: [god imagine her room, he'd feel so uncomfortable lowkey but we never showing it] Janis: [all white everything like no one spill anything christ] Jimmy: [I hope Grace drops some makeup like Sammi is always doing, my beloved clumsy babe] Janis: [you two try not to piss yourselves like] Jimmy: [when you have to turn it into a cough and that hurts you but at least it stops the lols] Janis: [asking if yous can smoke in here when you so clearly cannot lmao but an excuse for an actual break like brb, he clearly needs it] Jimmy: [run lads run] Janis: [a look when you're outside like Jesus fucking Christ before having the lols you've been holding back this whole time 'God, I actually NEED that cigarette, hurry up, like'] Jimmy: [100% shared and obvs he does hurry up and light hers because whipped and then his because likewise needed] Janis: [just discussing how pissed off Mia is already like lollollol] Jimmy: [and plotting how to piss her off more whilst getting the others on side] Janis: ['hope her birthday is soon, love to fuck that up' when you should know by rights but take no interest so do not lol] Jimmy: [checks her socials because there'd be a shit load of posts from last year and he'd be able to work out the date holds his phone up to her like] Janis: [🤔 then 😒 'nah fuck it, can't be around them that long' and 😏 on the exhale at him] Jimmy: ['And you can't do it without me' because still running with that narrative he'll be gone soon] Janis: ['I'd have time to audition replacements before then, come on'] Jimmy: [😒 that we're pretending is fake but isn't] Janis: [nudges him in the side with hers 'One and only, I remember'] Jimmy: [nudges her back like be careful with me even though she already is being] Janis: ['my delicate little baby' and cupping his cheeks instead of squashing 'em] Jimmy: [looks down at whatever outfit they've put her in 'dunno what I'm gonna call you'] Janis: ['but your list of J names is endless'] Jimmy: ['but those are for you, who the fuck is she?' gestures at the look like who would wear this but OTT because we know she looks good still really and we're not trying to slag her off] Janis: [looks down like yeah, ikr 'sadly their names don't all rhyme or begin with the same letter or something as appropriately cultish so' shrugs like who knows] Jimmy: [dramatic sigh/ exhale of smoke like what a let down] Janis: ['How many continents and virtues still up for grabs?'] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [shakes head to self thinking on how many levels Grace is an inappropriate name for her 'Not Chastity, like, or Antarctica, both so not goals for the same reason'] Jimmy: ['Whatever the hottest country is, go with that one' when you're not even joking rn you just think she's that hot blatantly] Janis: [trying not to 😳 with limited success 'yeah, such a flex, could go with a vice for a name too but be a bit on the nose, I reckon'] Jimmy: 'Depends, probably don't choose gluttony or owt but' shrugs] Janis: ['Exactly, get sexier names or get out'] Jimmy: [looking over his shoulder like you can feel Mia lurking 'about time we got back in' even though that's the last thing either of them wants] Janis: [sighs not even a bit fake 'yeah' then doesn't move] Jimmy: [puts his arm around her waist like come on but doesn't move either] Janis: [puts hers around his neck 'but I just wanna be with you' and we're pretending that's fake but it's just tea] Jimmy: ['I won't leave you with 'em again' when you 100% mean that] Janis: ['Good' resting your head on his shoulder instead of moving] Jimmy: [stroking her hair nbd] Janis: [can't stay here forever lads, maybe people are actually starting to show up] Jimmy: [get back in lads and find you have a drink waiting because Mia is trying to be #fake nice too so draw the poison symbol on her arm with your fingertip and do an IRL 🤞 before downing it] Janis: [when you look for reactions with almost genuine concern she's such a snek then you down yours, cheersing at her from across the room] Jimmy: [kiss her for the romeo and juliet ref but also just cos you wanna] Janis: [we know the vibe, this could also be the party Mia bangs Pablo maybe? jussayin] Jimmy: [that's such a good idea actually because she's so mad that the squad are team jj and Asia's got a new bf and she's losing her control honey] Janis: [mhmm, that's what I thought, it's a fuck you in the bag, like] Jimmy: [I had the hilarious mental image of JJ doing whatever this era's equivalent of tiktok is with tall tammy like that's her thing™ cos Grace has youtube] Janis: [that's so funny lmao yes must] Jimmy: [hence Mia be fuming cos 💀#2 is the only one giving her the time of day rn] Janis: [truly the Lorraine of this situation] Jimmy: [and Grace is probably trying to get with someone Mia doesn't want her to because she's jealous of jj's love] Janis: [oh what a night] Jimmy: [such fun, but they should 'accidentally' fuck up the borrowed dress in some way by the end of this] Janis: [that's also an idea, plenty of ways that could happen, soz gal lol] Jimmy: [yeah they'll enjoy that and rich girl should have a heated indoor pool they can piss about with] Janis: [such a rich teen mood to jump in in your underwear, the other guests will, the flat whites just like nooooo] Jimmy: [Asia might but the rest of them would NEVER] Janis: [oh Asia, you fun loving gal] Jimmy: [get on that 🦎 bf in the pool like] Janis: [i'm loling, what other hijinks could happen] Jimmy: [I wish they could 'accidentally' push Mia in like oh soz we were playfighting and just happened to get in the way babes] Janis: [they should, 'cos then she'd also make them all go comfort her so it'd be like 1 point them but also 1 to her] Jimmy: [give jj a flat white break for a bit cos they'd all have to help her get ready all over again too] Janis: [exactly, oh how uncool of you, play it off girl, so extra] Jimmy: [if Jimmy chucked Janis in it'd be a different story, look listen and learn gal] Janis: [at least they didn't push Grace in, the actual meltdown of it all] Jimmy: [I could never, as much as she annoys me] Janis: [we all know Janis would but we're playing nice rn so no, hmm, they could commandeer her room and go through her shit lmao no shame, obvs pretending they're banging not just like 'scuse me nosy person coming through] Jimmy: [a nice throwback to school trip when they were meant to be punished but it was just fun] Janis: [exactly dr phil...bitch probably has a diary like be cliche about it] Jimmy: [take all the pics of that #goss in case you need it later, cos she'd know the most about Mia 💀 pact and all] Janis: [mhmm mhmm, you're obviously gonna find her binge stash but that's not news] Jimmy: [fatty boy gonna eat some of it though] Janis: [think Mia's helped herself lollll] Jimmy: [you're welcome for that little domestic ladies] Janis: [death pact drama, just sow all these seeds on the low] Jimmy: [just chucking her on the bed even though you're not meant to pick her up rn and tickling her/all that good messing about because you've GOTTA mess the bed up and no other reason] Janis: [we all know the show is getting put on as if people can see lowkey] Jimmy: [can't even blame them cos even if they shamelessly didn't want to, it's what they are so used to doing by now too] Janis: [we all know you do though and that ain't getting any easier lads] Jimmy: [tea] Janis: [like to think you're fresh out the pool now too 1. for max hotness 2. so her bed is soaked lol thanks] Jimmy: [100% approved] Janis: [just pondering what else can be done and said...Harry is probably here, 'cos of the Mia of it all, do we wanna do anything with that?] Jimmy: [she would 100% invite him so yeah we definitely should do something but what? hmmmm] Janis: [we could have Mia forcing a convo moment 'cos that bitch] Jimmy: [that's real because she so would] Janis: [then it's gonna be awkward between them 'cos he's gonna be mad and she'll wanna die] Jimmy: [cheers for making tomorrow's community service even more fun Mia] Janis: [just getting y'all out of that convo as fast as you can without giving Mia too much satisfaction with it, going to the garden to smoke after but being like 'I'll leave you to it'] Jimmy: [so awkward so moody] Janis: [always ending up hiding in a bathroom or spare room or some bullshit so you can have a moment] Jimmy: [at least it would be a massive house so she can] Janis: soz Jimmy: yeah I know Janis: everyone at this party is a cunt Janis: not surprising, I know Jimmy: hang on, gonna take ages for me to @ them all Janis: you gonna turn on me then Jimmy: why would I give her owt she wants? Janis: I'm not gonna dob you in to her, like Jimmy: you wanna have a scrap? Janis: Not with you Jimmy: leave it out then Janis: Alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: take your own advice yeah Jimmy: meaning what? Janis: don't need to do a passive-aggressive 👍 just shh Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: that better? Janis: 👍👍👍👍 Janis: that much better Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: if you've got nothing nice to say, don't emoji at me, dickhead Jimmy: how about you tell me how you reckoned this were gonna go and I'll fake the proper 🗨 for you Janis: Like I said, you don't need to say anything Janis: fake or otherwise Janis: I was just saying what I had to Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: Okay, come find me when you wanna or whatever Jimmy: come find me when you need owt Janis: Fine Jimmy: ✔ Janis: If I could undo it, I would Janis: I know it makes this shit needlessly more difficult Jimmy: don't worry, this is my piss easy job Janis: easier than serving them lattes? Jimmy: make it more obvious that you've never had to Janis: At least you don't have to spend this long fully focused on them at CG though Janis: is what I mean Jimmy: I ain't focused on 'em now Janis: only for as long as you can make a 🚬 last Jimmy: nah, they don't matter that much, is what I mean Jimmy: it's just bollocks Janis: yeah Janis: but we're still doing it Janis: so it must matter a bit Jimmy: the reasons I'm doing this is nowt to do with any of them Janis: I know the main reason Janis: but we don't need to be here for that Jimmy: the main reason were not making my life any harder, her dobbing us in has done that, so yeah, we do Janis: Yeah, it's payback Janis: so it is about her Janis: her getting some of her bullshit back won't unfuck what she's already done but might make us feel better about it Jimmy: it's about us, you just said it Jimmy: feeling better Janis: Alright Janis: it doesn't matter either way to me how you slice it Jimmy: if it doesn't matter, why are we 🗨 about it? Janis: I was asking how you found it easy Jimmy: Alright Janis: You didn't exactly answer but yeah Jimmy: you dunno 'cause you dunno nowt about me or what my life's like, there's your answer Janis: It's not that deep Janis: asking how partying with them could be easier than serving them isn't a crazy question Janis: if you don't want to answer, don't, it's fine Jimmy: like I said, if you'd ever done it you'd get that it's a bollocks question Janis: Well you know I haven't Jimmy: she ain't gonna treat me how she does there, she can't unless I were here to hand round the drinks Janis: she's a cunt Janis: I'm aware Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: she's incapable of not treating people like shit, no matter who you are to her Janis: she has them, her best friends, running 'round after her as much as she does you whenever she comes in Janis: that's what she is, I know that Jimmy: me an' all Janis: yeah, so no need to talk to me like I'm thick just 'cos I've never had to clean up after her Janis: known and been around the bitch much longer, I've had my fair share, don't worry Jimmy: I don't wanna talk about her, that's what I'm trying to get into your head Janis: We're at her party, we're doing this whole thing Janis: what else could we talk about Jimmy: nowt obvs Janis: right Jimmy: 🔈 Janis: 👍 loud and clear Jimmy: [come back in and get more drinks boy you can't 🚬 forever] Janis: [just hiding forever though] Jimmy: ? Janis: yes? Jimmy: I've got you a drink, where do you want it? Janis: Eh Janis: I'll come down Jimmy: leave all that enthusiasm up there, can't even handle how #extra that response were, my dear Janis: I'll be suitably gracious by the time I arrive, don't worry Jimmy: weren't about to lose any sleep Janis: sure, what's another fight at another party Janis: not counterintuitive at all Jimmy: I'm not gonna fight with you Jimmy: just come here Janis: Maybe I don't feel like not fighting Jimmy: I'm a dickhead, don't mean you've gotta be an' all Janis: you definitely don't get to own being a dickhead, tah very much Jimmy: I don't wanna fight with you, alright? Janis: [comes to get her drink in response] Jimmy: [hugs her in response because she knows that's a thing he genuinely does lately not a fake thing like kissing her or something would be] Janis: [hugs back of course] Jimmy: [gets her to dance with him because what better way to pretend that there's nobody else here just you two] Janis: ['mates?' when you'd have to whisper that in his ear and it's low-key the only reason you did it 'cos any excuse to be unreasonably close] Jimmy: [whispers back 'best mates' but it's said in such a flirty manner obvs] Janis: [😏 but 😍 on the low 'cos we can pretend they fake thanks party people, holds her pinky out like promise] Jimmy: [does promise of course and then just holding her hand doing some of the massage stuff from earlier on it so once again she knows it's real but it looks just like they being saucy and fake] Janis: ['I wish we were still in your bed' when you can just say it 'cos it sounds right but y'all don't even know] Jimmy: ['we can go back to mine whenever you're ready' because they have community service together in the AM anyway so it's believable that she would just stay because such a goals couple who are together 24 7 clearly] Janis: ['good' but your face on the low is like yeah right/I wish 'cos Ian hates you] Jimmy: [when you read her mind so you cup that adorable little face in your hands and you're like 'my dad's nowt to worry about' because you genuinely don't give a fuck but luckily it also sounds very romeo and juliet fuck our parents vibes so #goals] Janis: ['I don't care if you don't, but are you sure?' when you can just say what you mean and have it fit, this is so useful lmao] Jimmy: ['I just wanna be with you' because she literally said it earlier and meant it so I have to because #same] Janis: [soz gonna make out with you] Jimmy: [not soz because clearly so into it] Janis: [blurred lines remix] Jimmy: [mhmmm] Janis: [so glad your plan backfired, Mia] Jimmy: [I hope you and Harry both see this cos fuck y'all] Janis: [she's always watching lmao] Jimmy: [enjoy their love bitch] Janis: [the levels of get a room they are at rn has never been higher] Jimmy: [god bless, love that for you especially because as far as everyone knows you literally did get a room earlier but you were just snooping lol] Janis: [just like they insatiable, which is true but not yet lol Jimmy: [you know nobody's ever been that into any of the flat whites, sucks to suck ladies] Janis: [when parties make you sad 'cos people being 😍] Jimmy: [the realest] Janis: [you two gonna have to tone it down 'fore you alienate them totally rn] Jimmy: [I'm trying to think what else they could do to annoy Mia/win the rest over within this party setting] Janis: [hmm maybe some kind of game moment or similar vibe where they can just be really cute about each other with their answers so the rest are like awh idk] Jimmy: [yeah drinking games are always real and they could do some cute teamwork too but also pick a flat white to team up with maybe so Mia will be fuming] Janis: [basically be up for a laugh 'cos Mia is NEVER and discourages it like no, that's lame etc] Jimmy: [exactly they'd be living their best lives, except 💀#2] Jimmy: [they gonna win you over too though girl cos nothing will annoy Mia more] Janis: [gotta get her nearest and dearest, like but gonna have to play the long game with that one] Jimmy: [when he's gonna end up having fun even though he hates everyone but Janis highkey] Janis: [the mood] Jimmy: [you deserve it boy after all that bullshit with Ian and the like] Janis: [community service in the AM baby] Jimmy: [at least they're not drunk af this time so they won't have to do it really hungover] Janis: [and it's gonna lowkey be fun we know anyway even if they don't yet] Jimmy: [you're gonna love it lads] Janis: [again, they have not thought your punishment through here and I'm about it] Jimmy: [how real is that though, oh adults] Janis: [at least Grace can tell Cali she's at his and they will be suitably fuming, get the parental hate rolling on both sides] Jimmy: [yeah we gotta] Janis: [like you don't know safer than what her actual plan was, 'scuse you] Jimmy: [Yeah Grace would be happy that she's there like thank god] Janis: [least you're not dead vibes] Jimmy: [or gone forever who knows where] Janis: [like tomorrow night is anyone's guess lads] Jimmy: [just stay with him always girl we know you wanna] Janis: [obvs but how long can you fake stay with someone hmm] Jimmy: [how long can you guys share a bed and nothing happens more like lol] Janis: [exactly dr phil, can't exactly be on his sofa can you] Jimmy: [I was thinking for tonight we could cockblock them by saying Bobby and Twix are in his bed asleep when they get back cos miss him #adorable so he wakes up when they come in and Jimmy has to go sleep with him in his room because we all know if they share a bed rn we won't be able to stop something real happening even if that's only a kiss or something] Janis: [I accept that, we can always do online messages then too so] Jimmy: [soz about the levels of frustration though lads] Janis: [we're just cockblocking 'til it's silly we all know it] Jimmy: [you've brought this on yourselves, just say how you really feel or do something undeniable when you're alone] Janis: [my boo say say it you cowards] Jimmy: [I do, I'm mad which makes no sense because fake dating is my fave and that ends it junie you silly goose] Janis: [we don't/won't push it 'til it makes no sense lol, but we can move it to a place of 'we can just be fuck buddies and carry on the fake' as if that's not even more of a headfuck guys] Jimmy: [god bless, that'll be fun and games so we simply must make that more of a thing than we did before] Janis: ['cos it's a way to admit some shit, like yeah, obvs this chemistry is real but still be like, we don't LIKE each other though] Jimmy: [a very them thing to do we all know it] Janis: [see 'let's be mates' baby steps] Jimmy: [we are sneaky gals and I'm about it] Janis: [still, not tonight sweaties] Jimmy: [we could maybe have something happen at the rave/festival whichever that we've still gotta do though] Janis: [that is a good idea, and maybe they invite the flat whites to that so they have their tent near each other whatever and it's another thing Mia would HATE] Jimmy: [yaaaaas] Janis: [hohaha its a plan, you probably can leave this party now though and skip] Jimmy: [going hard because your tent is next to theirs but then it's less and less about that we 👀 you, but yeah for now you can go lads and have your night not end at all like how you want because we're rude like that] Janis: [shameless, but Imma just say night 'cos see above lol] Janis: 🛏💤 Jimmy: chuck the 🐕 out if it does your head in Janis: she's alright Janis: passed out ages ago Jimmy: bit of a lightweight Janis: just my magic touch, like Jimmy: give her a massage an' all? Jimmy: know how to make a lad feel special you 💔 Janis: 💔 Janis: nah, if you'd settle for head pats my life would be easier but here we are Jimmy: I've never said I wouldn't Jimmy: be proper goals any road, they don't want a lad, they want a pet Jimmy: 🐸 or 🦎 Janis: 😏 Janis: well I'm with PETA on this one Janis: rather it was a lad than some totally defenseless creature, like Jimmy: must be pissed if you're admitting how 💪🏆 I am Janis: Hardly Janis: but every lad they ever get their hands on at least gets a few punches in themselves Janis: if the 😭💔 is anything to go by, even if you halved it to account for dramatics Jimmy: must be 💕 then Janis: Clearly Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: what were it you said, if you ain't got nowt nice to say, don't emoji at me, dickhead Janis: you wouldn't complain if it were a 💘 Jimmy: so go on Janis: 🖤😎🥇 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: try harder Janis: those are your favourites, like Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: Alright? Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: [sends her a pic of Bobby asleep all over him in this tiny bed like an adorable sos] Janis: Aww Janis: crazy night here too, obvs Jimmy: if you had socks on you'd wake up without 'em Jimmy: hardened criminal that 🐕 Janis: Sounds like a dubious cover for some #kinkunlocked behaviour tbh Janis: but I'll take your word for it Janis: even if she looks like an 😇 Jimmy: might be one of hers but I've 👀 and 🖐 your feet and you're alright, tah Janis: When you broke 'em, you mean Janis: hm Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: it were your own fault Janis: You wanna go to bed on an argument then, alright Jimmy: you know I don't Janis: yeah Janis: feel a bit rude cussing you out when I know there's a kid like 😴 on your shoulder anyway Jimmy: you can always go through my shit if you're well mardy at me Jimmy: my diary's hidden proper Janis: 😏 Janis: wouldn't even be surprised if you had a diary Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you know I can't read or write, Jenna Janis: picture book then Janis: even artier Jimmy: 🥔 prints Jimmy: get me in a northern gallery that Janis: don't be pissing about with 🥔 Janis: sacrilege Jimmy: coal then Janis: long as you keep it off your face Janis: know what you're like Jimmy: Oi Janis: I should be oing you Jimmy: we're playing nice, you agreed Janis: Don't you think I'm being nice? Jimmy: Don't make me come in there Janis: Or what Jimmy: I'll sort you out, girl Jimmy: bed time or nah Janis: yeah right Jimmy: Challenge accepted Jimmy: keep going, see if I don't Janis: You've never sorted me out before Janis: no reason to be 🙀 that tonight is any different Jimmy: [cue him going in for the flirtiest but quietest playfight they've EVER had because I have to] Janis: [what a moment bye] Jimmy: [the TENSION I cannot] Janis: [we dying boys] Jimmy: [like what are you gonna do now boy just leave like it never happened or are you gonna try and stay? I'd love to know] Janis: [lmao please tell] Jimmy: [can we let him or is that too dangerous oh the dilemma] Janis: you have slept with each other before like that but is either of you that sleepy rn hmm] Jimmy: [we know they're not tired we 👀 you] Janis: [mhmm, I'm like bitch don't you ask him to stay either] Jimmy: [I'll make him go back, we must be strong] Janis: [okay hehe] Jimmy: [unless something did happen and then it makes community service awkward oh ho] Janis: [that's an idea] Jimmy: [like if one of them freaks out somehow how they do and we've done before in other situations idk] Janis: [yeah, or is shamelessly ignoring lowkey tomorrow like that never happened, either one of them could, like] Jimmy: [yeah because y'all ain't even drunk so you can't use the don't remember excuse] Janis: [we all know you remember and there was no pretense of having a phone nearby or whatever] Jimmy: [the question is how far are we gonna let them go and who's taking the plunge] Janis: [hmm, we can save all the way for later, I think he should 'cos blatantly egging him like the whole time they're 'fighting' it's not subtext] Jimmy: [I agree with that and he's not gonna back down because the whole challenge and 'you've never sorted me out before' comment so he's clearly gotta in all the ways Harry has never] Janis: [Exactly, we know what she was saying there and so do they] Jimmy: [when he makes you feel amazing and then leaves like a sexy 👻 because the flimsy excuse of hearing someone and thinking your brother is awake again or something] Janis: [who's ignoring who tomorrow or are we both, what's the vibe of it] Jimmy: [I feel like he should ignore her because he did it so how real but how shady] Janis: [I vibe, then she can be mad and initiate the awkward convo/argument like 'scuse me] Jimmy: [yeah because she probably didn't get chance to do much to him because he was on a #mission with a point to prove so she's probably thinking it's a mmfd to be continued kind of situation like IOU boy and then he's so rude] Janis: [that's a plan, will post this one now though]