#i just have to binge like all horror bc I missed a lot of it

[bumpscosity]

sorry I always call halloween michael myers and nightmare on elm street freddy and friday the 13th jason and sometimes I get jason and michael myers mixed up ive literally never seen any of these movies

[omegawolverine]

Bestie bestie gimme all ur favourite horror movies i wanna binge them since i havent watched any of them as a kid (consequence of me only watching 2 movies on repeat)

tbf im not a huge horror guy despite the Everything about me and my blog (a lot of horror doesnt scare me so it just makes me bored unless its horror comedy or there is homoeroticism) BUT

-scream 1996 (u can watch the others if u want but there is a severe lack of faggotry and they arent funny enough to make that acceptable)

-IT 2017 + 2019 (read the book first if u have the time/patience bc the movies are leaving out so much detail but theyre still good)

-seed of chucky (watch bride of chucky too if youd like, you honestly dont need to watch any other childs play movies to enjoy seed tho)

-army of the dead (not rly horror but its zombies so im listing it. watch army of thieves if you want too but that's not horror at all since its a prequel where zombies are unimportant)

-saltburn? does that count? idk its like thriller comedy but a lot of people die so im putting it on the list

-the voices (horror comedy AGAIN im so sorry)

-renfield (okay just assume everything on this list is horror comedy unless i say otherwise)

-missing (not comedy!! this movie had me feeling insane with the plot twist but apparently my mom expected it so maybe i was just being dumb)

-donnie darko (i think its a lil funny but i dont think its supposed to be comedy)

-coraline (this is the only animated movie im mentioning but its like. so fucking good)

-barbarian (this is like if the naked gramma scene in IT chapter 2 was extended and also somehow worse)

-pearl/x (cunty campy fun horror but also. insane. watch pearl first then x if you want extra context but pearl is technically a prequel)

-ready or not (i only saw this once but ive been wanting to see it again ever since but its not on any of the streaming sites i use so i gotta get creative with my searches iykyk)

okay everything after this point is like honorable mentions that i dont rly care about a whole lot but are like good watches anyways even if they arent my faves if that makes sense? like i like them but im not crazy about them

-hereditary

-parasite

-saw (ive seen 1-3 and theyre pretty good but 1 is the only one ive rewatched and if u dont pay attention to it itll feel like a flop bc youll miss all the important stuff)

-us

-midsommar (i dont even rly like this one but sometimes i watch it again anyways just bc it makes me feel normal)

-the exorcist (this is literally the only horror movie that has ever like. gave me actual genuine fear. but that might be bc i was raised christian and watched this for the first time at 9 years old)

[lemony-snickers]

For pillow fort friday<3

If I had to make you a drink I would do a simple whisky cocktail !  (I hope you like whiskey as much as Saya does—bc I know I do!)

-Whiskey on the rocks with a homemade spiced* honey syrup *(cinnamon, ginger, orange, honey+ water/sugar) -A dash of Orange bitters and a weee bit of fresh lemon juice—garnished with an orange wheel

You pick a movie/tv show/anime! (Or 5?) I could use a good rec! :)

good morning, kaz! i'm so sorry i missed this last night, i was busy singing my lungs out very poorly at karaoke, ahaha.

that cocktail sounds fantastic, i will take two, pls & thank you. whiskey (and scotch whisky particularly) is my preferred liquor most of the time, though gin does edge ahead a little bit in the summer when i enjoy a nice fizz with fresh fruit. that cocktail sounds perfectly up my alley! <3

let's see what i can do about recommendations below the cut because they got looonnnnggg (sorry)...

tv shows:

ted lasso. i was very late to this one, but just binged all three seasons and really enjoyed it. on apple.

BEEF. it's sooooooo goood and bizarre and wonderful in the worst (best) ways. on netflix.

trial & error. was an nbc comedy over too soon. on peacock, i think.

the river. likewise cancelled early, but it's horror on the amazon and i loved it a lot. idk where to find this one, but i'm sure it's streaming someplace as all things are these days.

not dead yet. which finished its first season recently is an easy watch & pretty funny. the MC is very relatable in an, "i am a mess" sort of way alsjdf;adfs. i think this is nbc, but i watched it on hulu.

movies:

everything everywhere all at once. i can't wait to watch this again. it was my first time in a non-socially distanced movie theatre post-quarantine and it was such a joy to hold my spouse's hand while i laughed my ass off and cried and yelled. love this fucking thing (as does everyone else, as they should).

you won't be alone. this is horror. body horror. it's pretty messy in parts but so so sooooooo soooooooooooooo good. it's also primarily in macedonian with subtitles and i'm not sure how hard it would be to track down.

the impostors. with stanley tucci and oliver platt is a comedy from my youth that i still think is one of the best of all time.

a goofy movie. idk, y'all, i just showed this to my spouse because it was referenced in an episode of atlanta (another great fucking tv show) and it's still just so funny and heartwarming and the music they made for powerline is so good.

spiderman: across the spider-verse. haven't even seen this yet but my god i want to so badly and i just know it's gonna be killer because the first one blew my mind.

anime (i'm probably not gonna come up with much here you haven't already seen or know about tbh but let's see):

blue period. especially as an artist, i think you might enjoy this one. i binged it in like a day and a half and thoroughly enjoyed it all very much. on netflix.

maid-sama! i actually enjoyed watching this anime so much that i then went back and read the whole manga because i needed to know how it ended. it was cute and expected and exactly the sort of low-stakes shojo i needed at the time.

ghost hunt!.i fucking love this little horror anime and am so disappointed it didn't get to go longer. there is a manga and also a light novel that are very worthwhile if you ever have the time.

i think three is all you're gonna get outta me for this category, but i hope something there sparks your fancy! thanks so much! <3

[tractorbeamofwoe]

I haven’t been watching the news lately bc it’s so depressing. How’s the COVID situation in the UK?

And hmm...maybe something more light! What’s your favorite season and why? Favorite holiday and why? And what are you currently obsessed with? Could be anything! Like a show, item, etc.

I honestly can’t tell these days whether it’s bad or if it’s chilling out but I assume it’s picking up again cause I saw something about possibly another October lockdown?? I mean I’m vaccinated now so I’m a little less worried about it

Okay my favourite season I’m gonna have to say end of Autumn/early winter because it starts getting darker at night, we get Halloween and Bonfires and Fireworks and then there’s also Christmas for those who celebrate it. Plus I think I’d much rather be cold than hot, because at least with cold you can wrap up whereas when it’s hot it’s a little more difficult to cool down.

That being said though, I love summer for the evenings. The sunsets where I live are super pretty and I like to sit in my chair with the window open and listen to the neighbours having their little get togethers. And then I’d have my lamp on and it’s just generally very cosy and it smells like a mixture of bonfire, cigarettes and the odd waft of cologne which i’m convinced is just all in my head haha. That’s the time when I’d do a lot of writing because the atmosphere is really comforting and just generally inspires me. I played Glasgow on one of those evenings once and oh my god it was majestic.

Favourite holiday I’d say maybe November 5th? Usually I’d say Christmas because don’t get me wrong I adore the decorations and the music and the lights, but as I’ve grown up I’ve sort of grown out of it 😕

But I like Bonfire night because you can smell everyone’s fires and I’m gonna sound crazy for saying this but the sound of fireworks is kinda comforting to me haha. I have fond memories of going round friends’/family‘s houses and having a massive fire and setting off fire works and sparklers. I haven’t done it in years I miss it 🥲

Currently Film Studies has me obsessed with horror films haha and I’ve been binge watching Dead Meat’s Kill Count in my downtime 😂😂

[s1utspeare]

Get To Know Me!

@foxofninetales tagged me in this ask game and since I LOVE HER i will now be doing it (i mean i’d do it anyway but now it will be filled with love for FOX i am not accepting CRITICISM ON THIS POINT)

Part I

name: Brigid! I’m named after the Irish goddess of like, poetry, healing, smithcraft, and protection, or the Irish saint (they’re both pretty similar it’s just whether or not you’re talking about Celtic religion or Catholicism). She’s very cool, and I think it’s a very fitting name for who I turned out to be!

pronouns: she/her

star sign: i’m an insufferable theatre kid of course I’m a Leo

height: 5'8″ babeeeyyy (172 cm). I’m not short like, at all, but all of my family members are over six foot, so I’m like. tiny in comparison. they all make fun of me all the time for it :(

time: 8:49pm! A delightful time of evening!!! 

birthday: July 31st, same day as Harry Potter lol.

nationality: american :P

fave bands/groups/solo artists: hnnnngggghhhh why would u ask me this I don’t KNOW jk i just have a lot uhhhhh all time faves would be Bastille and Mumford and Sons, but I’m SUPER into kpop right now, so my top groups are BTS, Stray Kids, and One OK Rock (who are technically jpop but I really like their stuff). I also am a Broadway BITCH (hello, theatre kid) so before this year all of my Spotify library was basically just show tunes. 

song stuck in your head: Get Away by VeriVery. I think they’re a pretty new group? idk i saw them on one of those tumblr promotional things and checked out the music video which is like??? really interesting conceptually? so I’ve just been listening to the song for a while lol. 

last movie you watched: Train to Busan! I’m gearing up to write a dmbj zombie apocalypse AU and so I was like “this is a popular zombie film! I’ll watch it for inspiration! :)” holy shit. holy shit i was so wrong. It’s one of the most viscerally affecting films I think I’ve ever seen, I was like. On the verge of an anxiety attack the entire time but in like the best possible way?? it’s a mastery of character introduction and action/horror and I cried for like the last ten minutes straight. SO affecting. I do NOT RECOMMEND IT if u are already made anxious by zombie apocalypse scenarios, blood, violence, and a Lot of Death. 

last show you binged: hmmm uh like I’m currently watching Mystic Nine but at like a normal pace, so the last show I probably binge watched was maybeeee The Uncanny Counter on Netflix? HIGHLY recommend that one, I made @cross-d-a watch it and I’m living for her liveblog reactions lmao. Idk most of my free time has been spent writing the past few months which. After months of only having the energy to watch shows is kind of really invigorating? the things u can do when u fix ur health I’ll tell you what

when you created your blog: in 2012 asldighalsdkfjladskjga i came on here to like burdge’s pjo fanart :)

the last thing you googled: "is it bad not to have an air cap on your tire” ALSDIGHALKDFJLADFJA FUCK ME (i learned that it’s not necessarily bad but it can get dirt and stuff built up in there so I went to the store after work today and replaced it)

other blogs: everything is here bc i am too lazy to create a sideblog! so sorry to everyone who does not follow me for cdrama content bc this is all I am now. 

why i chose my url: cause it’s my ao3 username and i wanted people to be able to find me more easily on tumblr! :) the long answer is because i love shakespeare and also i think that slut is a really funny word and concept for me especially because i am one of the most sexless people u will ever meet in ur life so slutspeare is like. an aggressively ace joke that only I think is funny. 

how many people are you following: 588

how many followers do you have: ah just over 200?!??!!? which is like. a lot for me. I think it was like 75 up until like last year omg 

average hours of sleep: my sleep app says I average around eight! which is very good for me! I do have to get enough sleep consistently or I will Have A Bad Time so my sleep schedule is pretty good and luckily I don’t have the Insomnia depression I have the Sleep Lots one which I am glad for bc idk what I’d do if I couldn’t Be Unconscious regularly. Die probably. 

lucky numbers: I don’t think I have lucky numbers?? my favorite number is 21 for no reason other than the vibes alone. 

instruments: i’ve played the piano for uhhhh.... eighteen years now? and I can play the ukulele and am surprisingly good with the recorder since I’ve had to play it in Multiple Theatre Performances. I was also an honor choir singer back in high school so I’ve done a lot of select ensemble stuff which was super fun! 

what i'm currently wearing: a Life Is Good long-sleeved t-shirt that says “Not All Who Wander Are Lost” that I got in a military surplus store like a million years ago and red Adidas athletic shorts that I found at the thrift store a couple weeks back

dream job: playwright! I just wanna be a playwright! playwriting is like drugs i literally go nuts for it

dream trip: I don’t know??? I don’t really like traveling tbh aslidhalkfdj umm I do want to see the grand canyon sometime before I die tho so maybe a road trip down there? I definitely like traveling solo so I’d probably just hang out with myself and drive and go to whatever places I want and see dumb tourist attractions and sing loudly in the car

fave food: CURRY i know i said eggs the last time it asked me this but I miss my local Indian restaurant I want to eat literal Platefuls of tikka masala at 12pm at the Indian buffet after my physics class again :(

top three fictional universe you'd like to live in: hmmm i don’t know, actually! probably one where I have Powers and could do Cool Hand Motions and make Lights Appear. If I were anywhere with like. An Actual World-Dooming problem tho I would not be helpful at all. I would just die. Besides, I already live in fictional universes half the time, I’m a writer! 

Part II

last song: Basquiat by Pentagon! The music video is like. Very whumpy. So if you’re into that... the song’s also a bop

last stream: i don't watch streams very often, I just watch clips from them, cause those usually just give the best parts lol 

currently reading: mmmmmbbbaaaaahhhhh literally nothing? I’m trying to get caught up on the backlog of dmbj fic I haven’t gotten around to so Binding by @vishcount is next on that list! oh I guess I’m also reading Johnny Tremain with my kids (one of them SPOILED THE END and I forgot how it ended and now I’m big sad). 

currently watching: Mystic Niiiiinnnneeeeee! love those gay history bitches. everyone in that show is so funny. I just finished the Fuba Side Plot tho and now we’re back to Politics so i’m like >:( someone give zhang baby rishan a hug (and then i write angst about him what is wrong with me)

what is antipoetry to you: antipoetry??? what the heck is antipoetry hold on... uhhhh that’s just poetry. who came up with this term. i guess like lyrical fiction would be the technical correct definition but idk I consider anything to be poetry! like that’s the whole point! poetry is poetry is poetry as long as it’s focused on intensity and emotions it’s poetry! a haiku? poetry. the random one-lined mess of words on my phone? poetry. a literal drawing of a cardinal with the word “bird” written next to it? poetry. idk I’ve been trying to teach my kids that there are no wrong ways to write creatively; if you’re expressing yourself and making emotions, then you’re writing! also like half of my work could be considered antipoetry lmao. I love emotionally supercharging the mundane.

currently craving: i have noooo ideaaaasssss i’m literally just vibing. uh. water? ok i took care of that one my water bottle was right next to me. 

AH IF YOU READ THIS MUCH THANK YOU???? i love u 

uhhhh no pressure tags for @xia-xueyi, @nope4ever, @bookjoyworm, @elletromil, and @gaiahenshin, as well as anyone else who would like to give the full-rundown on themselves! :D

[breanime]

Domestic Life With Billy Russo

Requested by anon: For headcanon inspo, domestic life w Billy Russo? 💜 (PS I miss Helpless bc I love it sm but take your time boo 😘) 

Added this anon request too:  Omfg pls write Billy wearing the big dick shirt, like reader buys it as a joke thinking he'll only wear it inside the house but Billy's like "nah bitch"

Annnnd this one lol:  Headcanon: What Billy would be like taking a vacation 😁

This one is just a bunch of ramblings, and it got a wee bit long. I hope you like it, though!

*gif not mine*

Billy is an early riser, and you are not

So he wakes up before you almost all the time

If he has work, he’ll usually get up and shower

Then he might have a quick work out

If you don’t wake up by then

He crawls over you in bed 

He kisses your cheeks

Then your forehead

Then your nose

He only kisses your mouth when he sees you smile

Once you’re up, he takes a few minutes to cuddle you 

You talk about your plans for the day

And then he coaxes you out of bed

(with lots of kisses)

And the two of you eat breakfast together

After that, he heads off to work and you usually have an hour or so to yourself before you have to leave as well

If he doesn’t have work, he’ll lay in bed with you until you wake up on your own

There’s usually slow, soft morning sex

And a shared shower

You’re almost always late to work on those days

Sometimes you bring him lunch at work

Sometimes he brings you lunch

You like eating at Anvil because Billy has such a spacious office and no one bothers you two since he’s the boss and all

At home, you and Billy snuggle up on the couch

You like to binge watch TV shows together

You also make him watch horror movies with you

You like to cuddle up to him and hide your face in his shoulder when the movie gets too intense

And he liked to explain why certain things make no sense in the movie

“You can’t kill a man like that”

“She’s holding the knife all wrong, her hands should be cut up”

“The killer’s been walking this whole time, there’s NO WAY he’d catch up to them that quickly”

“Yes baby, if the zombie apocalypse happens, I will protect you”

Billy likes to take you to fancy restaurants

And buy you expensive gifts

You like to wear his sweaters

Billy sleeps naked, but you usually sleep in one of his sweaters or shirts

And cuddle up to him

Billy will put his hand on your back and rub your back until you both fall asleep

His mouth is on your forehead and your head is on his chest

Sometimes he lays on your chest and you run your fingers through his hair

He usually only likes to sleep like that if he’s had a rough day

Or after the two of you had gotten into a fight

Billy shows you how to use a gun

And he makes sure you know how to defend yourself in an attack

You teach him how to cook and how to change a tire

(He never knew before you!)

You and Billy have his and hers matching cotton robes

And his and hers coffee mugs

After you’ve lived together for a while, you start buying each other stupid gag gifts for laughs

He gets you eyelashes to put on the headlights on your car

And commissions two custom pillow cases with your face on them

He even had a bouquet of dildos delivered to your office once

You buy him a hideous portrait of a clown in sunglasses which he proudly hangs in the living room

And you get him flower crowns and bows to put in his hair, which he allows, but only if you’re naked when you put them on him

(And then it’s bang o’clock cause he can’t keep his hands off of you, even when he has a rainbow colored flower crown on his head)

But you’re best gag gift was a shirt with the words “I Have A Dig Bick” printed on the front

You almost die laughing when Billy puts it on for the first time

You laugh so hard you CRY when he decides to wear it to the airport 

You’d thought that hideous shirt would never see the light of day, but he proudly wears it from New York to Paris

The flight attendants think it’s hilarious

And you’re somewhere between amused as hell and embarrassed

But you have to admit

Your boy is rockin’ that shirt

This is your first BIG vacation together, and your first time in Paris

Billy’s been a few times for work, but he’s never been there as a tourist

The two of you booked a gorgeous suite

And you spend your first night in Paris (your plane arrived in the evening) making love on the satin sheets

The next day, you and Billy spend hours just wandering around, stopping into any cafe or shop that catches either of your eyes

You want to see EVERYTHING

Billy kind of just follows you around, hand in yours

He has a soft smile on his face that you’ve never seen before

And it seems like everything you do--

--from gawking at a mime and nearly breaking your neck to get a picture with him, to getting teary-eyed at a cafe that had a live guitarist--

--makes him smile

You go out of your way to try as much new or different food as possible

And you go a little bit crazy getting presents and souvenirs for Frank, Curtis, and Karen

But Billy takes it all in stride, holding your hand and smiling the whole time

He never really though of himself as a romantic before, but there was something about kissing you in the streets of Paris at twilight hour, looking down at your happy face, that made him feel all gooey inside

He surprisingly liked it

He still got a few work calls while you were on vacation, but he made an effort to keep them under an hour, and Frank and Curtis made sure to keep their work talk brief

You gush about the beauty of Paris and how wonderful the vacation was all the way back to New York

And after you get home, unpack, and get settled in again, you fall asleep in Billy’s arms...

...wearing his “I Have A Dig Bick” shirt

******************************************************************************************

That got so long--I’m sorry. I know this one was kind of rambly, but I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading!

Taglist: @lexxierave @loveintheroyalfamily@suchatinyinfinity@fanfictionrecommendations-com  @maxslime-blog @elanor-of-imladris@songforhema @lucielandss @fandomlifeandeverythingelse@themadhatter92@realduckvader @the-blind-assassin-12 @christinawxxx @anabella-baby @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @luminex3 @littlemermaidprobz@ashkuuuu@luckysstrikes @carlaangel86 @floralpeaceofmind@dylanobrusso@teacuplotus @iaintnofurry @thesumofmychoices @ymariejp @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @mrsjaxtellerfan @whovianayesha @holamor @drinix @rhabakoli @stories-you-wont-hear @king4thesirens @bellamys@marauderskeeper @charlylama @thesandbeneathmytoes @gollyderek@leahnicole1219 @evanlys19 @something-tofightfor @banditthewriter  @binbons-is-theloml

Billy Russo Taglist:  @honeyydippaa  @thebabblingbookworm @khuangpu13@ladyblablabla @woodlandreads

[bthenoise]

The Best Of 2020 As Picked By Members Of Underoath, The Amity Affliction, August Burns Red, Neck Deep, Movements and More

Okay, we know what you’re thinking: Isn’t it a bit of an oxymoron to list the “best” things to come from such a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year? 

While yes, we completely agree with that statement, we would be remiss not to shine a light on all the wonderful things that helped us survive one of the most challenging years in recent memory -- you know, like best album, best song, best movie, etc.

So, as a way to help you count down the end of this miserable year (22 days, 7 hours and 52 minutes to go as of this writing), we’ve completely turned our year-end, best-of list over to the artists we cover on a daily basis. Because let’s face it, as we’ve noted in years past, their opinions are the ones we all really care about, right? 

Right. 

To check out what members of Underoath, The Amity Affliction, August Burns Red, Neck Deep, Knuckle Puck, Movements, Counterparts, Hatebreed and more have all been obsessing over for the past year or so, be sure to see below. We hope you enjoy this final list as much as we do and wish you all the most peaceful and positive holiday season.

Enjoy!

SPENCER CHAMBERLAIN - UNDEROATH 

Best Album of 2020: Tame Impala - The Slow Rush Best Song of 2020: Foster the People - “Lambs Wool” Best Music Video of 2020: Sir Sly - “Material Boy” (also one of the best songs of 2020) Most Underrated Album of 2020: The Chain Gang of 1974 - Honey Moon Drips Best Movie of 2020: Onward Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: American Horror Story Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Metal Kenneth Copeland had me cracking up Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: I really enjoyed playing Lost In The Sound of Separation in full for the first time ever and it was our first ever live stream so it was super special and something I’ll never forget The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Writing tons of music, my lady, hiking/working out and my great dane Snoopy 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Put MORE art into the world

AHREN STRINGER - THE AMITY AFFLICTION

Best Album of 2020:  Phoebe Bridgers - Punisher Best Song of 2020:  Spiritbox - “Holy Roller” Best Music Video of 2020:  Architects - “Black Lungs” Most Underrated Album of 2020: Lost For Life - We All Share The Blame Best Movie of 2020: Palm Springs Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Queen’s Gambit Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Donald Trump’s Twitter account. Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Europe tour with Beartooth right before the pandemic. The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Drawing and painting 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Start smoking more

JB BRUBAKER - AUGUST BURNS RED

Best Album of 2020: Hum - Inlet Best Song of 2020: Sir Sly - “All Your Love” Best Music Video of 2020: NOFX - “Live At Red Rocks” Most Underrated Album of 2020: Sea Wolf - Through A Dark Wood Best Movie of 2020: The Social Dilemma  Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Queen’s Gambit Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: https://youtu.be/0JPRvxTjfOk Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Best show I played this year was our Thrill Seeker 15 Year Anniversary livestream, though I hope that we one-up that show on Dec 12th when we do our Christmas Burns Red show. The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: The return of live sports, specifically baseball and especially football. Fantasy sports have been my 2020 escape. 2021 New Year’s Resolution: I’d like to look on the bright side more. 2020 has been an easy year to focus on the negative. I don’t want to be that way next year (or ever).

KEVIN MAIDA - KNUCKLE PUCK

Best Album of 2020: Tie between HAIM's Women In Music Pt. III or Owen’s The Avalanche or Slow Pulp’s Movey

Best Song of 2020: “Me & You Together Song” by The 1975

Best Music Video of 2020: Faye Webster’s “Better Distractions” or Phoebe Bridgers’ “I Know The End” or HAIM’s “Man From The Magazine”

Most Underrated Album of 2020: Burst by Snarls

Best Movie of 2020: Dang, what movies came out this year? Each year, I gauge the movies I saw by recounting seeing them in theaters, but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I really enjoyed Portrait of a Lady On Fire though and I saw Uncut Gems on New Year’s Day this year, so I’m counting that as well.

Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: I’m really bad with keeping up with contemporary television, but I am always watching The Sopranos on a loop. I've had so many people tell me this year that they started watching Sopranos because of all the extra time at home, so I loved living vicariously through others watching it for the first time. I’ve also been binging 30 Rock for the first time and it is simply a delight.

Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Phoebe Bridgers and Maggie Rogers’ “Iris” cover album art.

Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Back in February, we played at Beat Kitchen in Chicago with Heart Attack Man and One Step Closer to begin the only tour we would do this year. We hadn’t played there in years, but it felt so good to be back in that venue’s atmosphere again.

The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: My girlfriend, staying connected with my friends and family, riding my bike around the city, having time to somewhat enjoy summer at home in Chicago and revisiting favorite movies of mine.

2021 New Year’s Resolution: Be kinder to others and kinder to myself.

PATRICK MIRANDA - MOVEMENTS

Best Album of 2020: Punisher - Phoebe Bridgers Best Song of 2020: Too many to pick just one Best Music Video of 2020: “Popstar” - Drake/DJ Khaled Most Underrated Album of 2020: Marigold - Pinegrove Best Movie of 2020: Borat 2 Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: The Mandalorian Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Cranberry juice skateboard guy Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: LDB Fest in Louisville Kentucky 2020, BC (before Covid) The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Video games and comfort food 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Let’s be honest, I’m not sticking to any resolutions

BRENDAN MURPHY - COUNTERPARTS

Best Album of 2020: I haven't even heard it yet, but I'm pretty sure it'll be the new Seahaven record. Band fucking rocks and I've been waiting like 6 years for new music.

Best Song of 2020: The 1975 - “If You're Too Shy (Let Me Know)”

Best Music Video of 2020: It's a tie, but I'm gonna have to go with “Spirit Halloween Theme Song” and the follow up “Unleash Your Spirit” both by Nick Lutsko.

Most Underrated Album of 2020: Chamber - Cost of Sacrifice

Best Movie of 2020: I don't think I've watched any movies that came out this year other than the new Borat, so I guess that's my pick by default. It was VERY NICE!! I wish I could marry the movie so the movie could be MY WIFE!! Get it? You get it. We all get it. It's great. 

Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Again, I've been slacking in terms of newer movies/tv and honestly, I just kinda alternate between watching The Simpsons seasons 3-9 and then watching Kenny Vs Spenny from beginning to end. If you haven't seen KvS, the entire series is on YouTube so please just watch it. I promise it's the best thing to come out of Canada... me being the second best.

Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: When we released the embroidered NLTL hoodie and everyone filled their diapers with shit.

Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Tough call, but it's gotta be either the Chainsmokers concert in the Hamptons or the biker festival in Sturgis that Smash Mouth played.

The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Alcohol, adopting my cat Kuma and finally being diagnosed with ADD so I could get a Vyvanse prescription.

2021 New Year’s Resolution: Play a single show LMAOOOOOO

OSHIE BICHAR - BEARTOOTH

Best Album of 2020: Bring Me The Horizon - Post Human: Survival Horror Best Song of 2020: Bring Me The Horizon - “Parasite Eve" Best Music Video of 2020: Bring Me The Horizon feat Yungblud - “OBEY" Most Underrated Album of 2020: Silverstein - A Beautiful Place To Drown Best Movie of 2020: Tenet  Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: The Mandalorian     Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Baby Yoda memes Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Beartooth drive-in show in Oshkosh, WI The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Call of Duty: Warzone  2021 New Year’s Resolution: Stop spending so much money on Star Wars toys

TRAVIS MIGUEL - ATREYU

Best Album of 2020: Insect Ark - The Vanishing Best Song of 2020: clipping. - “Say The Name” Best Music Video of 2020: Billie Eilish - “Everything I Wanted” Most Underrated Album of 2020: Thundercat - It Is What It Is Best Movie of 2020: The Social Dilemma Most Binge Worthy TV Show of 2020: The Mandalorian Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Any of the “My Plans for 2020” memes Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Atreyu - Melbourne, Australia @ Max Watts, Feb 2020. Things that helped you get through 2020: Guitar, video games, hanging with the wife and cat, finishing an album, Atreyu “Carry the Fire” livestream and lots of junk food. 2021 New Year Resolution: Gonna try to have more of that PMA.

MATT BRYNE - HATEBREED

Best Album of 2020: Napalm Death - Throes of Joy In The Jaws Of Defeatism

Best Song of 2020:  See question #1.  Pick any song from it.  

Best Music Video of 2020:  I don’t have one. I miss the infant days of MTV when music videos were new, fresh and hypnotizing. I used to sit for hours and wait for the Van Halen “Jump” video to come on.  So, I’ll go with that music video for this question. Can I do that?

Most Underrated Album of 2020: Hum - Inlet

Best Movie of 2020: The Mandalorian series.  I rarely watch full movies anymore. It’s all about getting sucked into a TV series.  

Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Can’t choose only one. The Queen’s Gambit, The Mandalorian, Living With Yourself, Dead To Me…

Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Anything posted on kookslams. I could surf that Insta account all damn day!!!

Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: None. We have all been stuck at home. So, best attended/played/watched is me, myself and I crushing it on my basement practice jams. Or falling down the rabbit-hole watching drum solos or drum clips on youtube.  

The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: 1- I got married in May so that was a huge event that we made happen and enjoyed, given the current craziness. Couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day. 2- Our dog, Ziti. He is a constant source of entertainment. 3- Yoga. 4- Ripping around on my mini-bike.

2021 New Year’s Resolution: Drink more water.  Spend less time looking at my phone.  Get back to playing shows again!!!

SAM BOWDEN - NECK DEEP

Best Album of 2020: Haim - Women In Music Pt. III

Best Song of 2020: Seaway - “Big Vibe”

Best Music Video of 2020: The 1975 - “The Birthday Party”

Most Underrated Album of 2020: I don’t really know what’s underrated and I’ve not listened to a bunch this year but Knuckle Puck 20/20 is a great album that people should go check out if they haven’t already.

Best Movie of 2020: The Trial of the Chicago 7

Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Schitt’s Creek. Although this wasn’t strictly all released in 2020, the final season was and I hadn’t seen any before this year. It was amazing and I definitely binged the whole thing. Final season is a tear jerker for sure. Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Well like most people in music we didn’t get to play a show this year, however, I did attend a Counterparts show in Feb at Rock City which ruled! Static Dress were also on the tour so was great getting to finally see them!

The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Call of Duty - Warzone. Can’t say I’m proud about this one but It helped pass time if nothing else. More serious though, I bought my girlfriend a kitten a few months ago and he’s been a bundle of joy for us. 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Enjoy the little things. This year took a lot of normality out of life and it’s given me a lot of time to reflect and look back on things I’ve done and we’ve done as a band. It’s easy to get caught up and just be thinking about what’s next and not really live in that moment, so next year I’ll be savoring every moment and every show we get.

NICK VENTIMIGLIA - GRAYSCALE

Best Album of 2020: This is so tough but I think Deftones’ Ohms is my favorite album of the year. 

Best Song of 2020: I really don’t know if I can pick one but my most listened to was “The Spell of Mathematics” by Deftones

Best Music Video of 2020: I absolutely loved the Bring Me the Horizon video for “Parasite Eve.” But also, the “Ohms” video by Deftones was unreal as well.

Most Underrated Album of 2020: There really are a few I believe. It was a very weird year to put out a record so I think a TON of albums flew under the radar which is a bummer because there was so much great music put out. I think Four Year Strong's Brain Pain was amazing and their best album to date. I think Hundredth’s Somewhere Nowhere was unreal. Rich People put out Harmony in August and I absolutely love that record and those boys. The Killers put a record out called Imploding the Mirage that has some absolute heaters on it as well. The Ghost Inside made a wild comeback with Aftermath that makes you want to go ape shit front to back. Finally, I’d say The Used made an amazing album that caught them right back up with making great music. Not that they didn’t on the previous records, but it feels like they found themselves again. They pushed a lot of boundaries on Heartwork and had some insane songwriting on that record.

Best Movie of 2020: To be honest, I didn’t really watch many new movies this year. The Social Dilemma was super eye-opening and very true. If you dig creepy thrillers, The Devil All the Time was probably top for me. A ton of great actors and just such an eerie vibe in the cinematography.  

Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: I feel like the easy answer is Tiger King, but I really dug The Queen’s Gambit and The Undoing as of late.

Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: I hate the internet really, there is just so much bullshit overload that I can’t even process it all. With that said, when Joe Exotic threw on his EMS jacket when his employee got her arm bit off by a tiger, THAT was UNREAL. I was crying laughing. This man had this jacket for a moment like this. He is wearing this EMS bomber with king tight white jeans, a true fashion icon. The memes that followed were priceless. The “I am never gunna financially recover from this…” memes. So great.

Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: I would have to say the best show I attended this year was the Dashboard Confessional anniversary shows in Detroit. It was back to back nights where Chris played 'The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most’ and ‘A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar.’ in their entirety. He did some older stuff as well off of the ’So Impossible' EP and ‘Swiss Army Romance’ which rocked. Best show we played would have to be on our headliner earlier this year. We played The Observatory in Santa Ana, CA and it was unreal. Best watched show was probably the Puscifer live stream or the Underoath stream. 

The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: I think it was the ability to write more than we usually are able to and kind of tighten up the behind the scenes aspects of Grayscale that people don’t often see. Beyond that, being able to spend time with loved ones and family has been great. It’s been a great year for self reflection as well and I feel like that’s always a good thing when you can get a fresh perspective on life when things get shaken up. I’ve been super thankful even more so this year for the people I have in my life and the opportunities I’ve been given. Those are some of the big things that got me through.

2021 New Year’s Resolution: Honestly, I am not much of a resolution guy, but I’d say just give my all to everything I am passionate about and treat everyone with love. Playing shows in 2021 would be absolutely ideal for a resolutions well.

JULIET SIMMS

Best Album of 2020: Starbenders - Love Potions Best Song of 2020: “You About To Lose Your Job” Best Music Video of 2020: In This Moment - “As Above So Below” Most Underrated Album of 2020: Creeper - Sex, Death and the Infinite Void Best Movie of 2020: Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Queen’s Gambit Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Ocean Spray Fleetwood Mac guy. Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: uhhhhh - welcome to hell. I attended exactly one concert this year and that was a live stream for BVB. The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Music, YouTube, good shows, my babe, my pets and staying busy. 2021 New Year’s Resolution: To get the fuck out of the house 😂. On a more music related note - put my album out ✨

OLLIE BAXXTER - BROADSIDE

Best Album of 2020: Into the Raging Sea by Broadside Best Song of 2020: “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles Best Music Video of 2020: “Parasite Eve” - Bring Me The Horizon Most Underrated Album of 2020: Into the Raging Sea by Broadside Best Movie of 2020: Palm Springs Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: 90 Day Fiancé Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Anything involving our EX president Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: *one long sigh* The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: My miniature dachshund puppy and books 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Never take seeing someone's whole face for granted again

VINNIE CARUANA - I AM THE AVALANCHE // THE MOVIELIFE 

Best Album of 2020: Songs For The General Public - The Lemon Twigs Best Song of 2020: “War” - Idles Best Music Video of 2020: I haven’t seen any Most Underrated Album of 2020: DIVE - I am the Avalanche Best Movie of 2020: On the Rocks Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Jeopardy on DVR. RIP ALEX TREBEK Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Four Seasons Total Landscaping Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Constant Elevation/ Rule Them All @ Max Fish NYC The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Jon Oliver, beer, weed, whiskey, Liverpool Football Club, friends, family, music. 2021 New Year’s Resolution: To spread more joy than ever

ALEX MAGNAN - YOUNG CULTURE

Best Album of 2020: Folklore by Taylor Swift Best Song of 2020: “How Big Is Your Brain” by Super American Best Music Video of 2020: “The Birthday Party” by the 1975 Most Underrated Album of 2020: Women In Music pt. III by Haim Best Movie of 2020: Tenet Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Ozark Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Pretending to break up my band Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Playing Tampa, FL back in March The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Zoom calls 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Be the best live band when shows come back

MAX BREMER - KINGDOM OF GIANTS

Best Album of 2020: Man there’s a few really good ones that make it so hard to choose. I really enjoyed Loathe’s I Let It In And It Took Everything but I gotta shout out Like Moths to Flames’s No Eternity in Gold and Bring Me The Horizon’s Post Human for sure.

Best Song of 2020: Another insanely hard question! I guess I’m gonna say “Teardrops” by Bring Me The Horizon but again I’m gonna also shout out “Animals” by Architects

Best Music Video of 2020: “Teardrops” by Bring Me The Horizon. If you couldn’t tell I’m a big fan of them haha

Most Underrated Album of 2020: Idk if I’d say it’s underrated but I absolutely loved Make Them Suffer’s How to Survive a Funeral

Best Movie of 2020: I haven’t even seen it yet, but I know it’s gonna be Tenet

Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Lovecraft Country

Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: There’s so many it’s hard for me to retain any of them. I can’t keep track.

Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Well my band sold out every show we played this year which was only one haha but for real it was an awesome time and I love hearing our lyrics screamed back at us.

The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: My wife, our new daughter, Indi, and our album PASSENGER 100%

2021 New Year’s Resolution: My wife and I just had our first daughter so it’s gonna be to be the best father I can possibly be and write as many songs as possible until we can rip shows again.

NICK ANDERSON - THE WRECKS

Best Album of 2020: Punisher - Phoebe Bridgers Best Song of 2020: “Dying Breed” - The Killers  Best Music Video of 2020: Nothing But Thieves - “Impossible” Most Underrated Album of 2020: Color Theory - Soccer Mommy Best Movie of 2020: The Go-Go’s Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Dave Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Four Seasons Total Landscaping  Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: :( The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Pro Tools 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Spend more time outside of the studio

CAMM KNOPP - NEVER LOVED

Best Album of 2020: It’s hard to pick one, but a few I really enjoyed are Father Of All… by Greenday, Ugly Is The New Beautiful by Oliver Tree and RTJ4 by Run The Jewels Best Song of 2020: There has been so many amazing songs released this year it feels impossible picking just one Best Music Video of 2020: Any Oliver Tree music video from his recent album Most Underrated Album of 2020: Watchito Rico by Boy Pablo Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Tiger King Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Tiger King memes were pretty great Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Probably the Sugar Ray livestream The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Zoom parties, friends/family, writing music, netflix, and lots of self care 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Getting back on the road!

SHARPTOOTH

MATT HAGUE 

Best Album of 2020: Purity Ring - WOMB Best Song of 2020: “Headlights on the Parade” - The Blue Nile Best Music Video of 2020: “When Doves Cry” - Prince Most Underrated Album of 2020: The Hot N’ Heavy - Drop Dead, Gorgeous Best Movie of 2020: Joker (shit was crazy bro) Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Devs Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Trump getting COVID Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: The only band I saw this year was Single Mothers. Their drummer is very handsome. The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: HBO’s Oz 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Get yourself together. Move to Philly. Buy a loft. Start a noise band. Get 6 or 7 roommates. Eat hummus with them. Book some gigs. Paint. Smoke cloves. Listen to Animal Collective. Start some type of salsa company. KEITH HIGGINS

Best Album of 2020: Endless Twilight of Codependent Love - Sólstafir Best Song of 2020: “Oh Ruthless Great Divine Director” - Lingua Ignota Best Music Video of 2020: Hot Gospel or Cane Hill Most Underrated Album of 2020: Grave of a Dog - Sightless Pit Best Movie of 2020: Color Out of Space Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: The Mandalorian Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Trump getting COVID was top tier Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: LOL The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Destiny 2, dogs and a lot of repressing things 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Turn my brain back on and be a person again hopefully

LANCE DONATI

Best Album of 2020: Underneath - Code Orange Best Song of 2020: “Boss Bitch” - Doja Cat Best Music Video of 2020: “Swallowing The Rabbit Whole” - Code Orange Most Underrated Album of 2020: I Disagree - Poppy Best Movie of 2020: Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: Delivery of Prodigious Bribe to American Regime for Make Benefit Once Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Mandalorian Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: The fly landing on Mike Pence’s head Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Darkest Hour  The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Writing music for the next album.  2021 New Year’s Resolution: Get the next album process set up. 

PETER BRUNO

Best Album of 2020: Poppy - I Disagree. While critics might write this off as a unique, albeit kitsch blending of genres, this record is one of the more satisfying emotional journeys I’ve been on in quite some time. Poppy is able to capture a strange sort of sadness within these songs, that ironically, is often read as mere jouissance. Best Song of 2020: Poppy - “Sick of the Sun” Best Music Video of 2020: Run The Jewels - “Ooh La La” Most Underrated Album of 2020: Sound VVitch - Becoming. Imagine taking something like Chelsea Wolfe but leaning more into an experimental direction that is both sonically beautiful and grotesque. Best Movie of 2020: I’m Thinking of Ending Things, directed by Charlie Kaufman. It’s a shame that a lot of movies got pushed back this year. I think because of this, I didn’t wind up watching many movies from 2020, instead I used the pandemic to try to catch up on films from the past that I never seem to find time for. Still, I’ve come to really appreciate the journey that Kaufman seems to always insist on taking me. Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Admittedly, I also haven’t watched a ton of new TV shows this year. But, there were both new seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Eric Andre Show, which always finds a way to make me happy. However, in terms of 2020 itself, I did finally watch The Sopranos for the first time and it completely lived up to the hype. Just an incredible TV show all around. I also binge watched all of Tim Heidecker’s On Cinema at the Cinema, which is quite the ride. There’s a whole cinematic universe for that TV show, it’s insane. I give it five bags of popcorn. Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Conner O’Malley’s video where he learns how to communicate with trains got me pretty good. Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: I thought the Code Orange live stream acoustic set was pretty neat. The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Marijuana and Magic The Gathering. 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Try not to die.

LAUREN KASHAN 

Best Album of 2020: 1. High Road - Kesha. Basically, Kesha wrote an incredibly intense, emotional and fucking hilarious album about living her truth and telling all her haters to eat a dick and that’s really all I’ve ever needed in life.

2. “WAP” burned twelve times onto a CD-R from Best Buy. This one fucking song is a better album than 95% of anything I’ve ever heard and I’m a huge fan of anything related to black women kicking ass and taking names, sex and kink positivity, and insanely clever and funny lyrics. Plus, ANYTHING that makes weak, sexist, insecure men as BIG MAD as this song did is literally my kink.

Best Song of 2020: “My Own Dance” - Kesha.
 Best Music Video of 2020: “Say Nothing (In The Absence Of Content).” Fuck anyone who disagrees, that shit is iconic. Second runner up goes to “The Gray” because Peter made that whole fucking video himself and it’s POWERFUL and I still cry every single time I watch it.
 Most Underrated Album of 2020: Vagina Witchcraft’s self titled record. If you didn’t already notice, I’m pretty fucking done with listening to cis straight white dudes be ANGERY for half an hour; so this album is SUCH a breath of fresh air in a genre that’s become incredibly boring and derivative as of late. Listen to Vagina Witchcraft for sonically inventive, sludgy hardcore, bone-chilling vocal delivery and lyrics that are simultaneously calculated yet raw, and that ACTUALLY FUCKING SAY THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT AND RELEVANT AND SO FUCKING URGENT RIGHT NOW. 
 Best Movie of 2020: Miss Americana - The Taylor Swift documentary. One of the most validating things I’ve ever watched in my life and I ugly cried though the whole thing. I fucking love that woman. Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: I don’t watch TV… Does a YouTube series about voice actors playing D&D count? If so, my answer is Critical Role. Don’t try to binge it though, each episode is like 4 hours and there’s over a hundred episodes.
 Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Hardcore twitter taking my band way too seriously and as a result of their own hubris, accidentally blowing up our music video and record release, and getting us exponentially more attention than we would have if those losers would just finally learn to fuck off and leave us alone! NICE GOING MOTHERFUCKERS I OWE YA ONE! *blows a kiss* Also, everything Lizzo did. DID YOU SEE HER “FLY IN MIKE PENCE’S HAIR” COSTUME?!?!

Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GOOD ONE. 
I think the only live music related thing I even went to was a Drum & Bass show back in February in Brooklyn with Dimension, Sub Focus, and Culture Shock. I danced with my friends and drank Bright Fox. It was a simpler time.
 The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: D&D, getting a suet feeder to watch birds outside my window and my bootcamp, Launch Academy, with all my brilliant and incredible Boston 30 Cohort-mates. Also, the warm weight of knowing that this coming year, a lot of terrible, evil, abusive people in the world are gonna finally get their comeuppance and I’m making popcorn with EXTRA salt.
 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Ohhhh I’m not going to spoil the surprise for you! But let’s just say I’m planning on using my new superpowers as a full stack software engineer, combined with my old superpowers as a vindictive and enraged bitch who hates rapists, to make the world a safer and more just place.

READ MORE: HERE ARE THE TOP 150 SONGS OF 2020

[taliasburns]

quarantine tag game

tagged by my bbs @daemerons @trashwars

ARE YOU STAYING HOME FROM WORK/SCHOOL? i am staying at home from school (doing my thesis rn so i was supposed to work a lot from home anyway lol. But for work i ofc have to go out skajfhdskjf since im a nurse and all

IF YOU’RE STAYING HOME, WHO IS THERE WITH YOU? my parents, brother and my guinea pig theo

ARE YOU A HOMEBODY? i mean i do like staying home. But im also starting to get really fucking restless. i have to do my interviews via phone, i miss my friends and that stuff. But staying inside is necessary to flatten that curve!

AN EVENT THAT YOU WERE LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT GOT CANCELLED? my parents, brother and i were going on a long and huge trip to the vs through the deep south. But theres like a 95% chance thats going to be cancelled. extreme luxury problems i know, but yea i was really looking forward to it.

WHAT MOVIES HAVE YOU WATCHED RECENTLY? uhhhh. i started watching the first the purge movie??? to see if i was finally over my hatred of horror and jumpscares. im not.

WHAT SHOWS ARE YOU WATCHING? still have to finish legacies, im going to watch killing even when it comes out (also still maybe have to finish s2) and rn im binge watching gossip girl bc its skajfhddkjs. idk i just like it rn

WHAT MUSIC ARE YOU LISTENING TO? p much all kinds of songs. i still absolutely love the halsey album and im also listening to the new dua lipa album! But if anyone has some recs im all ears (see that pun game)

WHAT ARE YOU READING? rn only fanfic lmao. But 2 weeks ago i started reading the first five books of the percy jackson series and i finished them in less than a week lmao. i fucking love greek mythology

WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR SELF-CARE? i try drinking more water and im also doing my best to keep like a schedule. But honestly? i find it quite hard, i should go out more and work out a bit more but a bitch is t i r e d. If anyone has some tips for better self care during these times bls do send them

tagging: @ahsokatonas @hosie4legacies @luke-skywalker @vcdanvers @lauraderns @awstark @posh-with-2-fields @lawjudes @jedirey @tonystarks + my babes from the womens discord server

[a-very-fond-farewell]

The forbidden crack! Untamed prompts: 24/?

CLAMP AU n.3 [chengyu? yucheng? (JC/MXY) edition. don’t...question my taste bruh]: “Somewhere, sometime.”

[tw eating disorders mentioned + tw suicide mention (body sacrifice)]

[ok fam. ok. I get it. I would basically ship JC with a rock if it meant I could play with my crack AUs. but I have solid evidence for this one. I promise you.]

[so, “Kobato” from CLAMP is possibly my favorite series from them. it’s 6 volumes long, roughly 40 chapters (and I only recently found out there was an epilogue...even though it was not there in my published version of the series. bc your local cryptid did in fact buy the entire thing in the flesh, that’s how much I love it)]

[in this AU I’ll change some things for the sake of consistency, but I suggest you read it bc the hurt/comfort and pining is enjoyable...so...if you read my silly AU I’m afraid I will spoil the plot for u :( and that’s the last thing I want to do...I understand if you decide to go read the manga and skip my prompt. it’s ok, I’m fine, go and have fun ;-;]

[if you kept reading, hi :D]

[now. am I uncomfortable with certain common tropes in CLAMP’s work in general? yes. especially the age gaps between some of the characters, some of which are not adults. hence the reason behind the changes in this AU. but! the aesthetics fam. the beautiful drawings. the cute outfits. (*ﾉ▽ﾉ)

do you see these?? how cute would Mo XuanYu look in these fam?? I honestly hc him enjoying skirts and feminine outfits a whole lot, but you can imagine him with pants and they would be just as cute. my favorite one is the second from the left btw.]

(imagine Mo XuanYu like this btw and check out the fancomic by the same op! an anon suggested it to me a while ago and now I’m hooked!)

[other mangacaps bc you need visuals:

yeah. angry boy meets bby with a mission to accomplish, bonding over their inferiority complex. yep. I only love the nicest things in life. that’s me.

also look at my baby girl ;-; so cuTe]

[the title is from the ost from the anime series, “Itsuka dokoka de” (check it out!). the anime feels more cohesive than the original manga, possibly bc the pacing is handled a little bit better (since the manga was cut short and the end felt a bit sloppy, but the emotional engagement was still good). and I remember being 17 and crying like a baby when this song came in. if you don’t have time for the manga binge the anime instead! there are plot holes in both of them and the stories are different but still both very enjoyable if you like soft things and angsty vibes.]

[enjoy!]

*

*

When YanLi saw him for the first time in front of her door, at the beginning of spring, she thought XuanYu was too pretty and too young for his own good. Sitting across her on the floor, a tea set between them as he politely answered her questions, the boy couldn’t have looked older than sixteen yet he assured her he was of age and well into adulthood. Which seemed pretty difficult to assess, not with the way he dressed: cute button down, beret slightly askew on top of his pretty head and an old-looking suitcases in hand. She didn’t mention the stuffed black rabbit poking out from the front pocket of his luggage, which seemed more of a comfort thing than a reliable source of company.

Moreover, Jin Ling seemed transfixed by him, toddling his way towards their guest asking for cuddles... something her son had never done in front of strangers.

XuanYu refused to give his last name, nor did he have an ID he could show her, nor did he seem worried about how strange that was. And YanLi knew ZiXuan would have been against it, but she couldn’t leave the kid looking all over Lanling for a place to stay... so she gave him the only available room in their rundown pension.

She only hoped Jiang Cheng would be a nice neighbor and leave the kid alone. Who knew what horrors XuanYu was running away from, after all.

*

When XiChen heard from YanLi of her new tenant, he would have never guessed the kid to look so naive. Not in a bad way, mind you. But his smiles, for how genuine they seemed to be, looked a little bit too big. A little bit too strained not to be a distraction tactic from his part. Or maybe XiChen had lived too long surrounded by fake smiles and closed off people to not worry.

That’s probably why he gave XuanYu a job when YanLi asked him to look over the kid. More to prove himself there were still trustworthy people in the world than to give the younger man a chance. He couldn’t even pay him a full salary, not with the debt collectors breathing on his neck as he tried to run his late mother’s kindergarten.

But maybe that would have been enough for now. A starting point for something better, something new.

*

A-Yuan had always known the kindergarten used to be an orphanage back in the days, but now he had reached an age where doubts stuck to his head instead of being forgotten with the passing of time. Wen Qing and A-Ning were always busy -be it in the hospital or in university- and A-Yuan didn’t know if they loved him enough to keep him. Ever since granny had passed away he had wondered, day after day, when his cousins would have left him behind for good.

He was thinking about such things when he first met XuanYu, on the man’s first day on the job as a teaching assistant. A-Yuan was mulling over his sadness when XuanYu had come to his rescue, asking him what was wrong... before enthusiastically praising his cousins for working so hard after hearing they were late to take A-Yuan home. XuanYu stayed with him and they played on the swings as they waited for A-Ning to come pick him up, apologizing profusely.

On the way home, his cousin held him close and kissed his forehead as he asked him if he had had fun with the new teacher. And A-Yuan felt less doubtful afterwards.

*

After hearing the story from her brother, Wen Qing had made it her job to look into XuanYu and his weird approach to life in general. She took every opportunity she could grasp to spy on the younger man, lunch breaks be damned. She needed to confirm if the kid was a trust worthy person or a runaway child pretending to be older than what he actually was. Well, maybe tailing an unsuspecting young man on the streets of Lanling in scrubs and sunglasses would be considered a bit much, she could admit as much. But it was the thought that counted, no?

Her friend MianMian told her to knock it off and talk to the kid like a normal human being, but the truth was that... well, XuanYu was really too weird to be considered normal. He seldom put himself in dangerous situations without much care, such as picking up a random (and still lit) cigarette from the ground just to give it back to the person who had “accidentally dropped it”. Other times he would cross a road without looking left and right first, risking to be run over by cars at every corner. He never, never, fumbled with a phone and he frequently talked to himself... sometimes even directing his words to that creepy stuffed rabbit of his.

No thank you, Wen Qing felt safer behind light poles and crumpled newspapers held upside down. Even if that made her look sketchy as fuck.

*

Wen Ning made sure to arrive on time to pick A-Yuan up after that time, often chatting with XuanYu as they waited for his baby cousin to retrieve his backpack and raincoat. It was refreshing to speak with the younger man, no matter how weird he acted sometimes. Like that time A-Yuan asked him to tie his shoe-laces for him and XuanYu didn’t know how to do it. Or that time they caught the man taking a nap on the floor in the middle of the school hall. Or that time XiChen had ordered a cake for one of the kids’ birthday and XuanYu didn’t seem to know how to sing the birthday song.

Wen Ning had no place to judge, after all. But XuanYu’s smiles felt like balm on his heart. And if his sweet voice followed Wen Ning home as he bounced A-Yuan in his arms, well. Nobody needed to know that.

*

The last thing Meng Yao would have expected to hear that summer day when he called the kindergarten was a voice so different from XiChen’s. Startled, he had confusedly asked if the kid worked there and how so, given that the school definitely couldn’t afford to hire anyone. He ought to know. He was the debt collector.

But the kid apologized, introduced himself, and then explained XiChen had offered him a part-time job out of kindness more than out of need. The idiot. XiChen should have remembered who his money belonged to instead of taking charity cases left and right.

But when Meng Yao said as much to naive XuanYu, the other vehemently protested, surprising the debt collector with strong opinions on how he shouldn’t underestimate other people’s intelligence and kindness in the first place.

Meng Yao laughed out at that, genuinely so.

There was more to that kid XuanYu than what one would have expected.

*

Nie HuaiSang caught a first glimpse of the mystery man only in late summer, when XuanYu stepped into his cake shop to look at the display. His coworker MianMian seemed to recognize the younger man immediately, greeting him by saying they had a friend in common, namely Wen Qing. The kid merely tilted his head and answered he had never formerly met “Miss. Wen” and that he only knew who she was from what the woman’s younger brother had told him about her.

MianMian shrugged and smiled at him.

To which HuaiSang asked him what they could do for him and XuanYu... just... stopped working. Saying that he had wondered if he could do something for them instead. Apparently, Wen Ning had let it slip they were currently understaffed and needed a hand to deliver their sweets.

Delighted, MianMian set him to work, no matter how many times HuaiSang assured her they didn’t need to force the kid to help them... also because they didn’t actually have the means to pay him in kind. But XuanYu refused money altogether, simply asking them to let him help.

To their amusement (and horror) XuanYu didn’t know how to ride a bicycle, so he insisted on covering the deliveries by foot in the neighborhood instead.

HuaiSang called XiChen on the phone that same evening, asking him to give the kid some slack the following day. And maybe buy him some balm for blisters as well.

*

Jin Ling was young but he wasn’t stupid. Turning three had made him wiser, he knew as much. So he knew XuanYu was magical. He just did.

His pretty-gege talked with stuffed animals, always wore nice things, and kept in his satchel bag a vial filling up with magical candies every time he did something nice for others. A-Ling had seen it with his own eyes, that time XuanYu had put a plaster on his scrapped knee and blew on it to make the pain go away: the golden candy had appeared in the bottle out of nowhere and XuanYu had asked him to keep the secret.

And A-Ling may have been young, but he wasn’t a snitch.

No sir.

*

ZiXuan eventually stumbled upon their new tenant even though YanLi had tried everything in her power to prevent it. He was very displeased with her: taking a scrawny kid in, cutting his rent in half merely because he couldn’t afford to pay the room in full. Utter nonsense.

No matter how much this kid XuanYu praised A-Ling’s personality or YanLi’s cooking, no matter how much he smiled and made himself look accommodating and unthreatening. ZiXuan didn’t work pro bono even at the firm, let alone for his wife’s business.

Yet, when he asked to be let inside the kid’s room to formally discuss the terms of his contract (and tell him to pack his things and leave at the end of summer), ZiXuan was left speechless. There was no bed, no table or chairs. The fridge wasn’t humming and the AC wasn’t working. The only things he could see were the younger man’s clothes neatly folded in his open suitcase or hanging by the window to dry. No books, no snacks, no nothing.

Usually tenants brought their things in right off the bat, their stuff mailed in within a week after moving in. YanLi was very particular about it, she would have not overlooked something like that. But maybe she had been too busy with A-Ling these past few months and hadn’t noticed the kid was actually too poor to even breathe.

And now that he looked at him, XuanYu looked suspiciously skinny.

Was he sleeping on the floor? Didn’t he have covers for the colder season? Was his fridge broken, empty, or -gods forbid- purposely left with no power because the kid couldn’t afford the electricity bill?

“Do you actually live like this?”

XuanYu didn’t answer to that, but smiled anyway. It looked sinister in a way ZiXuan couldn’t explain, afraid of the things such a young man may or may not have endured in the past. And was maybe still enduring now.

The following day ZiXuan gave the kid their spare futon they bought in Japan on their honeymoon. They never had guests anyway and they could afford to pay for a tenant’s electricity bill every now and then, they weren’t poor.

Certainly YanLi would have agreed with him on the matter.

*

JinGy saw it. He did! He wasn’t lying! Xuan-ge was there, surrounded by darkness and shadows, looking over the children during their nap time, only a sliver of light coming from the door left ajar... casting shadows on half of his pretty face.

And he saw him reviving that stuffed black rabbit he always had on him.

The rabbit just rose on his hind legs and turned his head up and started whispering things to Xuan-ge, who nodded every now and then in deep though.

JinGyi had read about how paper-man talismans had been stuff of legends in the past. His books spoke of ancient times in which even corpses could be brought back to life. How even animals could turn into godly beasts if enough resentful energy polluted them. But he would have never thought magic could actually be real and so easy to play with.

And Xuan-ge had looked nothing but beautiful as he was talking to the stuffed animal, humming softly under his breath.

*

When Jiang Cheng dropped out of university for the second time, YanLi didn’t say anything and instead welcomed him back in his old room. So much for enrolling in law school at twenty-three, uh? ZiXuan would have been disappointed in him like the first time that had happened in his bachelor anyway, no point in avoiding the man. It was autumn anyway: it was either going back to the apartment complex or look for a new flatmate. But the school housing had rightfully kicked him out after dropping out in the middle of the academic year, so there would have been little hope for him to find a new place anytime soon.

What he did not expect to find was a new tenant living next door.

Sleeping in front of the door, clutching a satchel bag and a fucking stuffed animal on his lap.

Jiang Cheng jolted him awake and took in the sight of his shoulder length hair, his long lashes and sleepy eyes and thought he looked ridiculous. Wearing a silly hat and moccasins, purple shadows under his eyes, a confused expression on his worn out face. When asked what the hell he was doing there, sleeping out of his room instead of inside of it, the younger man said he had forgotten his keys inside that morning.

He was clearly an idiot, so Jiang Cheng walked away and returned to his room after more than a year away. If someone asked him who had rung YanLi to bring the spare keys to help the idiot he would have shrugged at them and shut the door in their face.

He didn’t have time for that, he had to think how to ask XiChen to let him back to work at the school the following day.

*

A-Qing had seen many things in life, met many horrible people, dealt with the scum of the scum... but she had yet to meet XuanYu. 

A menace. A hurricane. A fool. The amount of times she had had to scoop him up from the ground after he had clumsily slipped on invisible bananas and such should have earned her a honorary title for outstanding citizen. It’s been months since his arrival and the kids had already learned to make way whenever they saw him. He inspired fear even in their tiny heads, honestly. What a fellow teaching assistant, really.

She was just there to score brownie points for his electives and internship program to become a social service worker, that was true. But she cared about the kids enough to know she had to do something about that. The children loved XuanYu and they were this fucking close to either worship him like a small deity or criminal and something ought to be done.

The last thing she would have expected to see, however, was Jiang Cheng coming back so soon. Crawling back from university to ask to work there, wagging his tail like the lovesick dog he was. She could easily imagine what the older student would have said to XiChen, something on the line of “you know goddamn well I’m not doing it for the money. I grew up here, I don’t want to see this place crumbling down. I’m definitely not doing it because I’m in love with you and seeing you sad makes me want to gag.”

Well, maybe the last part could be considered artistic license from her part, but judging by what she could overhear behind XiChen’s office door... yep. She had definitely nailed the part about being fond of the ex-orphanage and for the rest... the sentiment was there. The pining bastard.

“Do you need anything, A-Qing?”, XuanYu asked her out of no-fucking-where, startling her as she pretended to dust off the floor very close to a door. Cheek-plastered-on-it kind of close.

“Nothing. Mind your business,” she answered, flustered as fuck.

XuanYu couldn’t be that naive, he knew what he was fucking doing. His creepy little smile so similar to the one the debt collect always had on his face. No wonder XiChen had fallen for such a tricky bitch.

“Then will you help me find JinGyi? He doesn’t want me to help him with his project for the festival and went into hiding again.”

There, that smile and knowing gaze. Judging poser. He looked much older than his alleged twenty years. He knew what he was fucking doi...

“You?!”

Jiang Cheng’s honest-to-gods screech pulled A-Qing out of her thoughts. She turned and had to witness XiChen amiably patting Jiang Cheng on the head as their boss explained him how XuanYu worked there. 

“It’s been almost six months now, he’s a very valuable kid and helped out around here while you were studying.”

Jiang Cheng was both livid and red with longing, because his touch-starved ass was all over that hand patting him platonically on the head. He was also angry, which was default for him... but there was something else underneath. Something promising in the way he stared XuanYu down.

Maybe A-Qing could win some candy by betting with the kids about such unexpected turn of events.

*

ZiZhen believed A-Yi. If his friend had told him the new teacher assistant was a witch then he was right. So they had started researching witches at the school, but only found a couple of colored books on the matter, mostly useless. All but one, telling the story of a nanny called Mary Poppins... some western thing.

But everything checked for the most part. The hat was there, every day a different one, but ultimately never leaving XuanYu’s head. The umbrella was not, but both him and A-Yuan had seen their gege with a parasol once and that was enough. His satchel contained infinite amount of things, from sweets to possessed stuffed animals, like a qiankun bag from the legends! He talked with things as if he could control them.

Well, even the teacher sometimes tried to convince the printer to work with sweet words, gently coaxing it back to life... maybe that was just how adults functioned. Even his dad would ask the fridge where his favorite cake had disappeared sometimes. Adults were weird.

*

Fuck Lanling. Rain day and night, autumn planning everyone’s demise by flooding every bloody year. Xue Yang was over it.

He took a random umbrella from the rack by the door of the convenience store and left without a second thought, already wondering what he could say to convince XingChen to offer him dinner somewhere new. The man wasn’t married anymore after all, so Xue Yang could technically have his way with him now, right?

“Excuse me!”

Xue Yang was not in the mood for people calling him out on his bullshit that night, but he turned anyway and saw the weirdest thing. A young man roughly his age, maybe a year or so younger, drenched from head to toe after rushing to him. He was panting, clutching a plastic bag full of cleaning supplies from the convenience store Xue Yang had just left.

“I believe you mistakenly took my umbrella,” the other said, pretty face framed by wet hair sticking to his forehead and cheeks.

Amused, Xue Yang shut the clear plastic umbrella he had “mistakenly taken” and held it at arm’s length by the handle, directing the pointy edge to the other like a sword. Hell if he was going to get wet himself, he needed to prove something to the idiot. He could handle a bit of rain for the sake of being dramatic.

“You want it back?” Xue Yang asked, rising his chin and arching an eyebrow at the other. The man nodded, holding his now wet beret in place on top of his head as if he was more worried about it falling on the ground than keeping his crown dry.

“I knew it was someone else’s when I took it.”

“But...?”

“And what’ll you give me back for it? What are you gonna do about it?”

This should have taught him not to mess with him: he didn’t even have to use his business tone to make the other take a step back. Meng Yao, the bastard, had taught him smiles went a long way in dealing with stupid people after all.

“Right, if I take it from you... you won’t have one to go back home with.”

Uh?

“Wait here. I’ll go buy you one at the convenience store. I’ll be back.”

Uh??

The idiot actually run back to the store and purchased him a fucking umbrella. And Xue Yang was twice as stupid because he waited for him to come back, startled as he was. The idiot was smiling megawatt bright when he came back as well, what the fuck?

The sick bastard extended the clear plastic umbrella to him like Xue Yang had done earlier, but he held it by the middle, as if surrendering his weapon. It was fairly similar to the one Xue Yang had stolen anyway, why bother asking for his umbrella back?

“Did your dead mother give this particular one to you or something?”

The bite in his words only mildly deterred the other man, who pressed his lips together before forcing an even bigger smile on his face.

“No. It’s pretty cheap. But it’s mine. It’s the first thing I bought with my money.”

Xue Yang left after that. With the stolen umbrella. Because he was still a scumbag and not a sentimental asshole. But he was very quiet that evening when XingChen treated him to some fancy takeout on his couch while lovingly drying Xue Yang’s hair with a towel.

Nothing made sense anymore.

*

Qin Su worried over Jiang Cheng. He was her best worker, but she knew for a fact that he had a million part-time jobs in town and she didn’t want to overwork him. She also knew he would give all of his hard-earned money to XiChen anyway. All to pay a stupid debt. The huge lovesick idiot.

Was he the fastest delivery driver? Yes. Was he the most well behaved of his staff? Not even close. But he was respectful enough to work over his issues and she trusted him with doing his job at the end of the day.

So when she found a young man in a frilly outfit waiting for her on the lobby of her shop asking for Jiang Cheng... well, she was pleasantly surprised.

He introduced himself as XuanYu and held a lunch box in his hands, saying Jiang Cheng had forgotten it at home. Which left A-Su properly impressed. How could a man as angry as Jiang Cheng secure himself such a lovely person was beyond her comprehension, honestly.

He was adorable and she wanted to be his sister like, yesterday.

But when Jiang Cheng came back from a delivery, entering the dumpling shop with his helmet still on, he stared XuanYu down and told him off right off the bat.

“Not you again,” he said, to A-Su’s utter confusion, “Can’t you take a fucking hint? I’m already avoiding you at work. I don’t want to be your friend.”

Something akin to hurt painted XuanYu’s feature for a fraction of a second before he could retrieve his smile and point at the lunch box.

“Your sister asked me to give this to you on my way out. A-Ling helped making rice cakes this time and wanted to hear from you if you liked them or not.”

Qin Su could have easily missed the change in XuanYu’s voice at that, that’s how much of a good actor he was. But Jiang Cheng had no face even to feel ashamed for lashing out at the kid like that. How much older could he be from XuanYu, three years? Two? Had nobody taught him some respect?

“XuanYu, if he bullies you again you come here. Am I understood?”

Like hell she was gonna let this gem of a child slip away from Jiang Cheng’s hands.

Not in a million years.

*

Song Lan breathed in and out. In and out. The clear morning air surrounded him like an old friend, hugging him closely as he clutched the papers for his divorce.

XingChen had signed them in the end. Five years together were now in the past for him.

Maybe they had been too young back then, when they had taken the chance to get married the moment the government announced the change in the law for people like them. How old have they been, twenty-three? Twenty-four? Another lifetime. An existence away.

He wished he could cry. It would have been easier.

But, as he turned a corner, someone stumbled into him and sent the papers scattering on the sidewalk. Song Lan tried to save them from being dirtied on a puddle but was unsuccessful. He didn’t know why he bothered anymore. It felt like the last piece of his lover had left and Song Lan couldn’t even prevent something as simple as that. XingChen’s signature dirtied in a pool, but not enough to be washed away. What a joke.

The young man in front him bowed down, apologizing profusely, trying to save the documents at the best of his abilities. He even suggested finding a public toilet to dry the sheets under the hot air blowing machine, the silly man.

Song Lan smiled instead, reassuring him it was fine.

He was fine.

But the kid accidentally read the first few lines of the agreement before looking up at Song Lan. And where he would have expected pity, Song Lan only saw consternation instead on his pale face. It was so startling to see it, that he had to crouch back down on the ground next to the kid and reassure him everything was fine. It was just paper, it wasn’t important, he didn’t have to feel so guilty about...

“It is important. Your life is important.”

Such a dramatic sentence, uttered so vehemently, should have sounded weird to Song Lan. Especially because he disapproved of such antics in the first place. But it sounded so sincere, so earnest that he felt touched for a moment.

So he helped the kid up on his feet and asked him to walk a bit with him, to keep him company. Reserved as he was, he would have never thought possible opening up to a stranger the way he did that day. But there was something calming about the kid, almost as if he had been put on earth to soothe other people’s existence.

So he told him how his husband had fallen in love with someone else, someone much younger than them. How this had strained their marriage even if Song Lan had known all along his husband had the ability to fall in love with more than one person at a time. But Song Lan was monogamous and would have never justified forcing his lover to suppress his feelings just to please him. So it had been Song Lan himself to call it quits and wish him all the luck in the world.

The kid had started crying at some point, without Song Lan even noticing at first.

“Why are you crying? Please no, I didn’t wan to upset you.”

“So much love. In different ways but... it’s too much. There’s so much of it, of course I’m crying for you and your loved one.”

Song Lan was many things. Too stern, too rigid, too peculiar about who could touch him or not, too cold in expressing his emotions. But he felt warm then, in front of a kid crying for him in the middle of the street, one day of late autumn.

“Thank you.”

***

XuanYu let it slip once with Mrs. Jin how little he remembered of his past. 

It wasn’t a lie, he really didn’t remember what it had been of him before he had met her, asking for a room. But the kind woman just assumed he was talking about his past or youth, so he didn’t correct her on the matter.

Knowing the truth would have scared her, after all.

But he still let himself trust her that day as they sat in front of a pot of tea and he pretended to drink and eat the pastries on the low table. He didn’t need to eat or drink. He wasn’t even sure he had a digestive system.

“I only remember... a song.”

“A song?”

“Yes. Someone singing every night before falling asleep. I don’t think it was meant for me to hear... but my body remembers the shivers. The feeling of being loved.”

“The body remembers the weirdest things, XuanYu. You should trust it more.”

He smiled at that, wriggling his hands on the handkerchief where he had hidden the pastries from sight.

“I’m pretty sure that song wasn’t for me. My body was merely there to listen.”

YanLi looked uncomfortable at that, something scary painting her features.

“Maybe I was eavesdropping,” he reassured her with a self-deprecating joke, not sure if that would have made her feel more at ease or not, “Maybe I was listening in, hoping such lovely words could be directed at me for once.”

Mrs. Jin sipped her tea for a long while afterwards, before finding the resolution to look up and stare him down with a serious expression.

“Unrequited feelings hurt, don’t they?”

XuanYu didn’t know what she meant by that, but he nodded anyway.

He heard something rustling in his bag and hid the sweets inside of it the moment YanLi turned to clear the table. If A-Ling heard someone munching their protests away from inside of the bag, he didn’t snitch on XuanYu and retrieved playing with Fairy on the carpeted floor next to him instead.

*

Lan Zhan was disappointed in him, XuanYu knew that much. They were admiring the sunset from the small balcony in their room, folding laundry.

XuanYu always wondered why Lan Zhan assumed the form of a black stuffed rabbit, of all things, but he didn’t want to pry. He didn’t even know his real name. The other had told him he used to be a human in his past life and that he hadn’t technically reincarnated in this lifetime. That his current form was just a mean to a goal, that he could use it to guide XuanYu and help him better that way without expending much spiritual energy.

He told him someone dear to him taught him how to manipulate paper-man talismans in his previous life. How similar the process had been to move around in a stuffed animal’s body. How convenient.

XuanYu believed he secretly loved it, even if Lan Zhan would have never said as much. He already talked very little to begin with.

“You told her you don’t remember your past.”

“That I did.”

“Don’t do it again”

XuanYu folded the last towel on his lap and then let Lan Zhan take a nap on it. He felt silly having to take showers and pretend to be a normal human being. He hated inconveniencing the Jins with him, accepting their bedding and paid kitchen appliances and so on. But if he wanted to accomplish his mission he had to make an effort to look normal... instead of spirited away from another world or maybe simply another era.

“I won’t do it again, don’t worry Lan Zhan.”

*

Lan Zhan was disappointed, but he was also patient to a fault.

Sure, it would have been much appreciated if Mo XuanYu didn’t lose him around every other day. This time the younger man had forgotten to pick him up from the floor where he had been reading stories to the children at the kindergarten.

But Lan Zhan was also a stuffed animal now, so it wasn’t like he could move around and risk being seeing by normal humans. His body was a vessel and any damage would have had repercussions on his soul as well. 

What to do.

He tried not to panic when he felt someone picking him up from the floor after an hour or so. He silently prayed for them not to be A-Qing: even in this life she was too smart for her own good and he couldn’t risk being found out so soon. Mo XuanYu wasn’t even halfway to complete his mission and Lan Zhan couldn’t...

“I’m sure A-Yu is looking for you, little guy. What are doing all the way back here?”

It was always difficult to hear his older brother’s voice in this life. To see his face, to notice how sad he was even in this new reincarnation of his.

Lan Zhan didn’t move a single muscle as XiChen dusted him off and put him in his apron front pocket as he looked for “A-Yu”.

In order to give a second chance to Mo XuanYu, Lan Zhan had sacrificed any possibility to ever reincarnate until his mission was accomplished. So XiChen didn’t have a younger brother in this lifetime and he would have not had one for a while. Lan Zhan missed him, but they had to wait for a bit more.

They still had three months to fill the bottle the King of Hell had entrusted Mo XuanYu with. Then he would have entered the list for reincarnation once more and everything will have been fine in the end.

Lan Zhan owed the kid his life, so he trusted him.

No matter what.

*

XuanYu remembered the boy who had stolen his umbrella. He remembered him well enough to recognize him when he found him crawling on the floor, a stab wound in his belly, one winter night.

Panicked, he asked Lan Zhan what they could do as he instinctively pressed the wound with his bare hands. Lan Zhan didn’t dare move not to attract attention on himself. The other man snarled out at XuanYu, asking him why did he even bother, seemingly recognizing him.

“I took your fucking umbrella. Hate me and leave me alone.”

“Ridiculous.”

Lan Zhan would have been proud of him for that remark, but XuanYu was too scared to think about it. He didn’t have a phone and he didn’t even know the number for emergencies. He wasn’t even qualified to be a teacher. How had he survived until then. He was useless and stupid and...

“What the fuck?” Jiang Cheng’s voice came in a whisper behind him.

What a sorry view the older man had to take in that night: a pool of blood staining otherwise clean clothes, a moaning boy on the ground in restless pain, a crying mess of a sad excuse of a human pressing on a throbbing wound next to him.

Jiang Cheng muttered something about the boy being one of Meng Yao’s men, that they should leave him there to die for all he cared.

The man under XuanYu barked back, telling him he had tried to “convince the idiot of the same”. But XuanYu was horrified by what he had just heard.

“People die for nothing. People die for fucking nothing. You don’t leave someone behind just because you fucking hate them.”

XuanYu has never cursed in this brief, borrowed life of his. Maybe spending so much time with Jiang Cheng had rubbed some of his habits off on him in the end.

Startled, Jiang Cheng seemed to agree with him because he fished out his phone and called an ambulance right away.

The stabbed man laughed at that.

*

Lan Zhan was clutched in XuanYu’s hands as they waited in the corridor of a badly lit hospital. The kid was crying, hard. He must have remembered how his family in Mo Manor had mistreated him in the past, how easily his own relatives had starved him off just out of spite. How already impossibly emaciated he had been when he had sacrificed his body for Wei Ying, to bring him back in a weakened vessel just to seek revenge. Just to let his hatred run free.

Such cruelty had earned him nothing but distrust from the hell judges, who sentenced him to never be reincarnated again. Only when Lan Zhan had ascended to heaven -many centuries after reaching immortality- he had been able to make them relent.

If Mo XuanYu could prove to be a good human being during a trial time of one year on planet earth, filling a vial with good actions in the form of golden gems, then they would have considered Lan Zhan’s proposal. Mo XuanYu would have atoned his sin and be granted a new life, a clean record, and a second chance at happiness.

Seeing someone almost die in front of him must have awaken something ugly in him. His stained hands, the iron stench in the air. All that blood... like the last thing he had most probably seen in his previous life before his body sacrifice. A scarlet array under his feet, another soul replacing his in his own body.

Lan Zhan let himself be held tightly in Mo XuanYu’s hands that night at the hospital.

And hugged back without anyone else noticing.

*

Xiao XingChen. That was the name of the man showing up at the kindergarten one week later. XuanYu had never seen him before, but the man hugged him in front of the kids, alerting both XiChen and Jiang Cheng.

“Thank you,” the tall man said in between tears, holding him tight.

“I don’t understand. I...”

“You saved A-Yang. Thank you.”

XuanYu pressed his lips together tightly at that, so overwhelmed he didn’t know what to say. His fingertips hurting with sometimes akin to electricity the more he let himself be held so fiercely by the other man.

He started crying in earnest only after the man had left, surrounded by the children who worried and fussed over him. He fell asleep with them during nap time and when he woke up he found Jiang Cheng placing a quilt over him.

Caught red handed, the older man feigned disinterest in the beginning... but then he sat down next to him. Just like he had done in the hospital one week ago.

“Did you see someone die before?” Jiang Cheng asked then, awkwardly scratching the back of his head, “You had such a strong... reaction to my words. It was insensitive of me. I apologize for angering you. I’ll better myself.”

XuanYu didn’t answer at that. 

Jiang Cheng would have never understood what it meant to sacrifice yourself to hatred and revenge. How much it had scarred him to be brought back to life, but only as a worn out set of robes on top of someone else’s soul. How distant he had felt when the Yiling Patriarch had inhabited his body and had let himself be touched by someone else.

Jiang Cheng would have never understood what it meant to be touched in the flesh but be utterly unreachable as a soul. Or how much it hurt to become an empty body filled by someone foreign and new. Someone who could wear his skin better than him.

Jiang Cheng would have never understood. And thank all the gods for that.

So XuanYu... Mo XuanYu kept quiet and smiled instead.

*

Lan Zhan didn’t trust Jiang Cheng. He hadn’t in the past and he wasn’t gonna start now. Wei Ying would have been so disappointed in him for thinking badly of his baby brother, but there was little Lan Zhan could do about that.

Wei Ying wasn’t there to judge him for it.

Mo XuanYu would wake up every morning and wash himself, get dressed and tidy up the room before leaving. He would fix his appearance in a mirror Young Lady Jiang had gifted him in autumn, making sure his hat was still in place.

“What would happen if I were to...?”

“You must keep your hat on... even when you sleep. You know this much.”

“I wear a headband to bed.”

“And what of it?”

“It’s... silly.”

“Nobody can see you in your sleep. Why the sudden worry?”

Mo XuanYu said nothing in response to that, but Lan Zhan knew. The kid had never worried too much about his appearance aside from looking proper and well dressed. He had never fussed over his features, but recently he had taken the habit to walk dangerously close to makeup stores and check various displays at the convenience store close by. Lan Zhan knew Mo XuanYu had remembered his past... how he had quickly realized he was already an adult. With needs and desires.

But now a brand new reincarnation of Jiang WanYin would wait for him every morning to walk to work together. Now Jiang Cheng acted pleasantly enough to be considered kind and doting to someone starved of affection like Mo XuanYu had always been. Which wasn’t planned, it had never been.

Lan Zhan didn’t like where this was going.

He didn’t like it at all.

*

Nie HuaiSang came to bring a cake for XuanYu one day or so before the end of the year, snow sticking to his hair and flushed cheeks.

“I don’t know when your birthday is... so I’m pretty sure I’m late to the game. But I wanted to thank you for helping me and MianMian that one time. So I made a cake for you. I hope you like strawberries.”

Mo XuanYu had no idea if he liked them or not. He couldn’t even eat.

He started crying in the middle of his room, where HuaiSang had placed the boxed cake on top of his low table.

Panicked, HuaiSang jumped up and out of the room to alert Jiang Cheng next door. But upon seeing the other man’s worried expression XuanYu cried even harder.

“What did you do to him, you bastard?”

“I’m not the one who used to prank people all the time. Grow up!”

“You clearly did something horrible to him for...”

“A-Cheng we’re not twelve anymore. Who do you take me for?”

XuanYu took his chance to stuff his face with cake, gulping it down bit by bit even if he knew he didn’t have the necessary organs to process it without vomiting it all out in an hour or so. He had tried many times to hold food down to no avail. His body rejecting it as if it was poisonous and dangerous.

He had tried so many times... to practice. To be able to appreciate YanLi’s generous cooking, to help A-Ling and the children at school prep their lunches and maybe... maybe to eat with Jiang Cheng every now and then.

Nie HuaiSang hugged him and patted his head, confused but too scared to ask for an explanation. Mo XuanYu smiled at him and lied, saying his cake was the best he had ever eaten. It wasn’t the best. It was simply the first.

He had no way to compare it with anything else, really.

*

Wen Ning had heard about his “stomachache” from XiChen, who had known all about it from YanLi and Jiang Cheng. So it shouldn’t have been a surprise for XuanYu when he saw the older boy in front of his apartment complex the last day of the year.

But it was a surprise.

“Can we talk for a bit?” Wen Ning asked, holding his umbrella up for XuanYu to walk beside him, protecting him from the icy snow.

They walked to the nearest park, sitting under the gazebo to watch the snow falling down. Their heavy coats keeping them warm, despite the cold.

They used to take long walks back from the kindergarten with A-Yuan after school, since the Wens lived close to XuanYu. Before Jiang Cheng came back anyway.

Wen Ning looked uncomfortable, fidgeting with his fingers as he tried to find the right words. He surprised XuanYu by telling him how, in the past, he had suffered from an eating disorder and had been hospitalized for a while in his teens. How worried his sister and their grandma had been for him, how much they helped him in his recovery. How alone he had felt for years still, no matter how loved he was.

“A-Yuan told me he never saw you eat. So I was wondering if you needed help.”

It wasn’t the case, but XuanYu knew he meant well. Telling him everything was fine would have only worried him more, so he tried to explain an half-truth that could satisfy him. Saying it was difficult for him to process food, that in the past he had suffered from malnutrition and now he had digestive issues.

He was talking about his past life, but he figured that could work as well.

When they parted ways in front of the apartment complex, Wen Ning asked to hold XuanYu’s hands for a bit. He cradled them carefully, as if they were precious. His slender fingers cupping XuanYu’s smaller palms almost reverently.

“I know you don’t feel the same about me. But I’ll ask you to look after yourself anyway. Not out of obligation for me... but out of respect for yourself, if nothing else.”

The moment Wen Ning let go of his hands, Jiang Cheng stepped out of the front door of the building and saw them.

He said nothing and walked away after stepping out of the gate.

*

Lan Zhan would have very much liked to flip a finger at Jiang WanYin’s forehead. Hard. Wei Ying would have done the same, he was sure.

Wei Ying would have also smacked some sense in his baby brother, forcing him to face his feelings and take responsibility for what he was doing to poor Mo XuanYu.

Who was currently waiting for the other man’s return like a dog by his room balcony, surveying the front courtyard like a bird of prey from above.

Lan Zhan tried to coax the kid inside, reminding him snow was still falling down and that his beanie was slipping away. He tried to be gentle about it, knowing how much XuanYu had grown resentful of the hats he had to constantly wear.

But the younger man simply shrugged, saying he wanted to wait for another five minutes. Just one more. Just to make sure.

Jiang Cheng didn’t come back that night.

And Mo XuanYu cried in his sleep clutching the half-empty vial to his chest.

Lan Zhan spent the night watching over him, singing to him the song he had written for Wei Ying. He snuggled close to XuanYu and made sure his wide headband was covering the crown of his head, before pressing himself to the other’s forehead.

He never stopped singing.

Wishing he could take all the pain away.

*

YanLi, A-Yuan and even ZiXuan knocked on his door to greet him into the new year, despite how XuanYu should have been the one to pay his respects to his landlords.

But they asked him to visit the funeral home with them instead, to say their thanks to YanLi’s parents with offers and flowers.

He dressed in his best clothes, having never been in what seemed to be a modern version of the ancestral halls of his childhood in a past life. The establishment was fairly sterile, with shelves filled with plaques and pictures instead of wooden inscriptions on an altar. The lot of them bowed and said their thanks, chatting with the late Jiangs almost as if they had never left. YanLi apologized to her mother for Jiang Cheng’s absence that year like any other year, while ZiXuan told his father-in-law how they would have visited the Jin ancestors during Chūnjié to make it fair.

XuanYu looked at them and barely kept himself from crying.

On their way back, YanLi explained her parents had died when she was still twelve and Jiang Cheng was merely six. How they had lived in the orphanage run by XiChen’s mother and made friends with the boy, who was YanLi’s classmate. How the siblings stayed there until YanLi came of age and got custody of her baby brother. ZiXuan’s family of lawyers had helped her pro bono and that was how she had met the man and fallen in love with him. Even if it had taken a while for ZiXuan to notice her at first, preoccupied with university and law school as he had been at the time. But the Jins helped her with the inheritance left by the late Madame Yu: the apartment complex where they currently lived.

Watching them explaining their past in such detail moved XuanYu deeply. Feeling as if they wanted to make him part of their family by filling in the gaps for him.

That was still his older brother after all and those were still his sister-in-law and his beloved nephew and he... he loved them. He had missed them so, so much.

And he was about to leave them again soon.

*

Wen Qing finally showed herself up one day at the park, when Mo XuanYu was taking Fairy out for an evening walk. She approached him by telling the younger man she had assisted in the surgery Xue Yang had undergone some time back.

Lan Zhan (hiding in the kid’s coat pocket) could see how startled the kid was at the mention of the criminal, but he decided to trust this version of Lady Wen as he would have done in the past.

Wei Ying cared deeply for her, after all.

Whatever truths she was about to entrust Mo XuanYu with, Lan Zhan knew the kid could take it.

He hoped as much, at least.

*

Jiang Cheng came back only for Chinese New Year. Saying he had stayed at XiChen’s since the winter break allowed them to take it easy and figure some stuff out for the following school year.

It hurt to know where he had been all along, but XuanYu braved a smile anyway. He knew how much Jiang Cheng cared for the older man, how much he wanted to save the school from the debt collector. How much he didn’t love XuanYu back.

So he let himself cry one last time before waking up one morning and deciding he had had enough.

He talked with Lan Zhan, asking him to tell him all about Wei WuXian and their love. If XuanYu’s sacrifice had allowed them to be happy as they deserved in the end. If Lan Zhan hated him now, for forcing him away from his loved one, who was currently waiting for him to come back to heaven.

Mo XuanYu knew the couple had sacrificed their chance at reincarnation to allow him to seek a second lifetime for himself. He knew Wei Ying watched over them from up above, waiting for Lan Zhan to secure a new life for the kid.

They talked all day and then well into the night.

By dawn Mo XuanYu had decided what to do.

*

XuanYu properly met Meng Yao one day of early spring, when flowers weren’t yet brave enough to poke their way out and greet the sun. The man was dressed in black, his hair cut short, a sigarette between his lips as he waited patiently for the kindergarten to open.

It was XuanYu’s duty to open that morning, so he was the one to greet the man.

Upon hearing his voice, Meng Yao immediately recognized him.

“There you are. I was waiting for you.”

“Me?”

“You’re the kid who answered the phone. And the one who helped my subordinate back in winter, right?”

His dimples were so deep, his face so pleasant.

Mo XuanYu remembered him from another lifetime. He remembered how much he had cared for his older brother Jin GuangYao. How hurt he had felt when the other had lied and accused him of harassment just to get rid of him.

But this was a new life and Meng Yao was just a man.

Who happened to have been married with XiChen for a while before turning to a life filled with crime and gang violence.

Wen Qing had told him Meng Yao had initially tried to live far away from his adoptive father Wen RuoHan. All for the sake of marrying XiChen and keep him safe. But XiChen’s mother still had had a debt to pay for the construction of the orphanage, a price too high for her to pay with her poor health and delicate disposition. A debt that XiChen had inherited from her when she had died.

That was why Meng Yao had left him: to go back to his father and ask him to handle the debt himself, supplicating him to overlook such small issue and let him dry XiChen out of every penny and cent instead.

Wen Qing may have learned this only from the gossiping running in her family, with the Wen Clan being as big as it was, but she was pretty sure of what she had told XuanYu. That Meng Yao had simply faked having fallen out of love with XiChen to protect him from his adoptive father and his cruelty. That XiChen still loved him and was waiting for him to fight alongside him instead.

Mo XuanYu knew all of this.

So now he could act and fulfill his mission.

*

“I want to pay the debt XiChen owes you.”

“You are full of surprises, XuanYu. And how do you plan to do that?”

“I can do many things.”

“You’re very pretty, you can make good money out of it.”

XuanYu considered his words before shaking his head.

“It’s not something I can do.”

“Then what can you do?”

“I’ll solve everything.”

“I’m all ears.”

“But you’ll have to stop making XiChen worry so much.”

“That’s not how business work...”

“Lie to me. Give your word and I’ll... I will solve everything.”

Meng Yao humored him and nodded.

Then and only then, Mo XuanYu took his hat off.

*

Lan Zhan had watched the entire scene unfold before his eyes without intervening, trusting Mo XuanYu with such an important choice. He took in the sight of the beautiful spiritual light shining brightly on top of XuanYu’s head like a crown.

His soul in full display, its energy so raw it had slowed down time all around them.

Lan Zhan turned around and looked at XiChen, who had just turned a corner and had been walking towards XuanYu to greet him good morning. Frozen in time, his older brother’s face still looked peaceful... simply because he had had no time to notice Meng Yao’s presence quite yet.

Lan Zhan turned once more and saw Jiang WanYin making his way in a rush towards them, surely to protect XuanYu from Meng Yao. When did he arrive? His features trapped in a perpetual frown, scared for the one he truly loved in this lifetime.

Then, Lan Zhan looked up at Mo XuanYu and saw him taking the bottle only half filled with gold... which symbolized his goodwill and generous spirit.

“Will this be enough to grant a wish, Lan Zhan?”

When XuanYu said his name like that he sounded so much like his Wei Ying, full of hope and love.

“It depends on the wish, A-Yu.”

“I reckon it’s not enough for a new reincarnation, eh?”

“It’s enough to save a life... but not yours.”

XuanYu looked crestfallen, but he persevered still.

The bottle transformed into a bag filled with money and XuanYu made his way to XiChen and left it at his feet before smiling up at his mentor and employer.

“I cannot rewrite the past, but maybe I can plan a better future for you.”

Still smiling, XuanYu slowly walked over to Jiang Cheng and said his farewells.

Then he crouched down and took Lan Zhan in his hands, kissing him goodbye on the head affectionately.

“Erase me well, Lan Zhan,” he whispered then.

Before disappearing into thin air.

***

Wei Ying had agreed with him, suggesting the idea himself.

In the end the King of Hell had granted Lan Zhan’s request and offered Mo XuanYu a second chance anyway. Since this new self-sacrifice had been fueled by positive emotions instead of anger and despair, the hell judges had considered the atonement fulfilled and put the kid’s name back on the reincarnation list.

Twenty years had past and many things had changed.

For starters, the kid’s last name wasn’t Mo anymore, but Nie. The boy had, in fact, born into Nie MingJue’s family and had lived overseas in Japan for a while before moving back to Lanling when XuanYu turned twenty. Nie HuaiSang had met him many times during summer vacations and other festivities, visiting his brother and his wife every chance he had gotten to dote on his cute nephew XuanYu.

Nie MingJue had done a remarkable job in protecting him from harm. So, by the time their little family had decided to move close to HuaiSang, XuanYu had become a well adjusted adult with a brilliant future ahead of him.

Nobody remembered him.

Or so Lan Zhan had thought.

Apparently, he had forgotten to wipe Jin Ling’s memories thoroughly. So, when The Nie family had come to greet HuaiSang’s friends YanLi and ZiXuan, A-Ling almost had a stroke out of incredulity and happiness for being reunited with his “A-Yu”. Even if Jin Ling was now older than the pretty-gege from his memories. Even if he had spent years trying to figure out why nobody seemed to remember the weird uncle living next door to his Jiujiu years back.

XiChen and Meng Yao had solved their problems and had started running the school together right after Wen RuoHan sudden and mysterious disappearance. The man had many enemies after all. 

A-Yuan had grown up into a fine young man, someone Wei Ying would have certainly been proud of, working with his cousin Wen Ning at the local botanical garden while his friends still studied in university. 

Nie HuaiSang had married Qin Su and opened a restaurant with her. 

MianMian and Wen Qing had decided to live together and adopt a bunch of dogs just because. 

Xiao XingChen and Xue Yang still lived together while Song Lan had found his way back to them after talking it out with the couple. 

A-Qing was probably running some sketchy business in social services to protect kids from horrible families.

Lan Zhan was still, unfortunately, a stuffed rabbit. Following XuanYu in his new life in the most unexpected of ways. In the form of the first present the boy’s uncle had gifted him in childhood. If Wei Ying had pulled a string or two from heaven to make that happen, well, Lan Zhan himself was none the wiser. The only thing he knew was that XuanYu had always taken him with him in all his travels even if he didn’t know he could speak. Lan Zhan had preferred not to reveal his nature and let the kid have a normal childhood. Especially since he had no memories of his past as a tenant in Jiang YanLi’s house. Nor of his life as a cultivator.

Wei Ying had agreed they could wait to be reunited again. The both of them wanting to look over XuanYu for a little longer before getting their own chance at reincarnation. They had all eternity to be together again... they could definitely wait a bit more for the kid.

All was well.

Aside from the other person whose mind Lan Zhan had conveniently forgot to wipe clean of any memory of XuanYu.

In his defense, Lan Zhan had tried to make Jiang Cheng forget. But something about XuanYu must have touched him so deeply... that Lan Zhan had not been able to do much about it. The kid’s smiles and clumsy antics would always linger in the back of the other’s mind no matter how much he tried to ignore them.

Coming back from his job at ZiXuan’s firm, exhausted and vulnerable, Jiang Cheng decided to visit his sister the same day Nie MingJue had brought his family there. So he was particularly weak to the sight of a bright, soft XuanYu when YanLi introduced her younger brother to their guests.

To Lan Zhan’s absolute delight, Jiang Cheng immediately bowed down to a scary looking Nie MingJue and asked his son’s hand in marriage.

Yes, grovel to this precious boy and learn your place.

XuanYu only tilted his head at that weird man bowing to his parents and smiled.

His laughter ringing up to the sky, where Wei Ying was still listening.

From where he would have kept watching.

*

[I worked so hard on this please reblog]

*

[kobato means “little dove” I thought it was cute since XuanYu is a magpie! + I wanted MXY a chance at life and for once this is a reversal-sacrifice from WWX’s part and I think it’s neat.]

[JC would be 43 or so... which yikes. but this is all I could do. I don’t like huge age gaps but at least everyone is a consenting adult, okay?]

[the thing that started this was like “what if LXC was an only child and LWJ did not reincarnate bc he’s still in the afterlife or something? then the entire thing escalated so...yeah.]

now I will cry for ages. I worked so hard on this good god D:

[i-want-candy]

the flynns, tiana and simba, aquata and attina

Candace and Phineas

I already told you this but I want everyone else to know: Phineas was the first person that Candace came out to...like officially.

Because they are pretty close together, they were each other’s playmates like all through their younger years. Candace used to make Phineas dress up and they’d go on all sorts of wacky adventures like play at being pirates and sorcerers (problematic but they were kids c’mon) and all sorts of fun games. 

Candace definitely worries a lot about Phineas getting hurt or something happening to him. This is part big sister instincts in general, part Phineas being EXTREMELY likely to hurt himself, and also, lowkey, abandonment issues. 

Now that Phineas has a cool new brother to hang out with, Candace is VERY jealous and really misses when it was just her and Phineas and he would bug her after school and she would ignore him...those were the days. She’s worried now she’s just been replaced.

Simba and Tiana

Simba loves Tiana, so much. This might stem from the fact that he remembers her when she was a baby and he was a little kid and he was like...so obsessed with her whenever her parents came over for dinner.

Back in the day, especially over the summers, Simba would bring his clothes to get mended by Tiana’s mom whenever he inevitably fucked them up bc his mom would yell at him. 

Tiana stopped using Simba as a taste tester years ago because she’s pretty sure he doesn’t have any taste buds left bc he eats food when it’s too hot and also says everything is literally amazing that Tiana makes. 

Sometimes, they have friendly cooking competitions...by friendly I mean they often end with someone getting food thrown at them and god bless anyone who tries to judge.

Attina and Aquata

Aquata somehow manages to stress Attina out both the most and the least. The most because she is definitely the one closest to getting them all exposed. The least because she is the least drama of all of them. 

Does Aquata like horror movies? Have I asked this? I hope so, because I really love the idea of Attina, Andrina, Aquata, and Alana just binging liek every single Michael Meyers movie and then scaring the shit out of each other for the next week.

I think Attina and Aquata deal with their grief and problems in very similar ways...by ignoring it and pretending everything is fine. This is why, on some levels, they get on so well because Attina is naturally very non confrontational. She will yell at her sisters about grades or coming home late or not coming to dinner, but when the going gets tough, Attina retreats a lot of the time. I just think they might be very similar in that way.

When Aquata was little, Attina was the best at getting her to laugh because she made this one dumb face that Aquata just couldn’t not laugh at. Sometimes, on very special occasions, she will whip it out again.

[stolensilmarils]

Quarantine Tag Game

tagged by: @wondcrwomans - thank you so much!! <333 Even though you tagged me years ago oh no

---

Are you staying home from school/work? 

No, I still go to work every day, though my work days are a little bit shorter during these times, but work was also more stressful than usual during the hardest covid wave, so. My part-time job was closed for half of March and the whole of April and though they’re allowed to be open in May I asked my boss to not work yet bc it’s a close-contact type of work and I’m still scared and she was very kind about it and told me I can start again in June.

Who is at home with you? 

My parents and my dog. They are the ones who also drag me out of the house, because otherwise I wouldn’t leave it at all (besides work) oops :D

Are you a homebody?

Oh yeah. If I didn’t have to, I wouldn’t leave the house at all. And not just during quarantine times. I’m just really a hermit. I do like to think that I have an adventurous spirit but you know. Comfy bed & food & good WiFi = Yes.

Any event that you were looking forward to that got canceled? 

I was supposed to go see a musical and for my mom’s birthday we were supposed to go see an opera and like there were movies in the cinema I wanted to go see, so yeah, there are few things I missed but I didn't have any big Big plans.

What movies have you been watching recently?

ummm... The Birds of Prey, I think? I haven't been really watching many movies lately tbh

What are you doing for self care?

Uh, I’ve never been good at self care tbh. The moment I come home from work I go to sleep and/or binge watch something until it's time to go sleep again. Does that count? But I am proud of the fact that I try and so far manage to eat breakfast every day which for me is a huge thing so yay and thanks to my dog I go outside every day so that too is good. Also listening to fave songs on repeat for days? Yeah.

What shows are you watching? 

The Dragon Prince (which is abolutely fantastic but I only have 3 episode left helppp) and BuzzFeed Unsolved mostly True Crime (which has saved my sanity tbh). Also I watch Agatha Christie's Poirot when it’s on tv every week bc that's sort of a tradition in this house.

What music have you been listening to? 

'The Horror and The Wild' album by The Amazing Devil (which I discovered thanks to the Witcher and Joey Batey and I am So grateful, because it’s absolutely amazing) and whatever songs from musicals I feel like listening to. And Studio Ghibli soundtracks. Always.

What books are you reading?

I’m in a bit of a reading slump rn (my goodreads challenge is suffering so much lol), but I’m slowly getting through 'The Time Of Contempt' by Adrzej Sapkowski (I’m trying to read the whole Witcher series this year, let’s see if I can manage), and I’m listening to 'The Midnight Lie' by Marie Rutkoski on audiobook (which i'm enjoying a lot!)

---

tagging: @mushroomwriter @ramibird @mollock if you want and anyone who'd like to do it :)

[hiddensteel]

@oceanblood​​  said             percy and sansa obvs

who would be the one to randomly adopt a puppy without consultation:   miss sansa !

who would force the other to take aesthetic pictures of them:   sansa has an image to maintain online percy. yes, that means she needs you to take lots of photos of her so she has the perfect one to post 

who would do stuff they think is stupid just to make the other one happy:   percy obviously. but is it really on purpose? no, not always alfsjdhs

who picks out the horror movies to watch just so the other will cling to them:   percy, and sansa always whines bc she HATES horror movie but percy likes how she clings to me both during the movie and after it’s over bc at that point every little noise terrifies her.

who is constantly studying and who is constantly trying to distract them:   sansa takes studying very, very seriously and if percy could stop walking around with his shirt off that would be Great

who initiates the facetime calls whenever they’re separated:   they both do ! but sansa a little more frequently.

who is more likely to storm out after a fight and who is more likely to cry when they do:   percy ?? sansa is more likely to stay and cry bc she worries that him storming out means he’s leaving for good. but i don’t think this happens often

who stays up way too late binge-watching their favorite shows:   sansa ! but she makes percy stay up with her, even if he isn’t interested in the show at all.

who sprays the other with water when they’re washing the car:   percy ! he’s the one who can control water after all. doens’t mean sansa doesn’t splash him back

who has more fun decorating the house during holidays:   they both love it ! it’s sansa’s favorite time of year and she loves celebrating it with both their families

who is more likely to give the silent treatment when they’re mad at the other:   sansa is a brat and WILL give percy the silent treatment until he apoligizes. and yes, she can maintain the silent treatment for more than five minutes before u say anything

who plays with the others’ hair more:   percy ! and sansa loves it very much

who is more likely to climb all over the other one when they’re bored:   sansa most definitely takes advantage of percy being taller than her and climbs all over him all the time

who tries to kiss the other as often as they can:   both !

who pouts when the other one tells them to shut the fuck up:   percy would never say that seriously but even when he jokingly tells her to shut up sansa pouts

who always forgets the umbrella and who holds it when they actually have one:   percy forgets bc he normally doesn’t need one. but when they’re around mortals he can’t use his powers. sansa passes him her umbrella and he holds it bc he’s taller

who demands showering first in the mornings:   sansa ! she has a full morning routine so she has to go first.

who prefers riding the roller coasters and who prefers playing the games:   percy prefers rollar coasters ! sansa likes games bc then percy can win her big plushies 

who will text the other one thirty times in a row until they respond:   ..... sansa.

who always forgets to charge their phone overnight:   percy. he doesn’t use it nearly as much as sansa

who comes up behind the other and slide their hands into their back pockets:   percy ! bc when sansa sneaks up on him she jumps on his back 

who tries to get hugs from the other as often as they can:   both !

ship meme  |  accepting !

[ladytauria]

podcasts

been in a podcast mood lately, so… here’s an ever updating list of the ones i’ve listened to—

the adventure zone — i’m partway through amnesty, have taken a break for now, but i honestly do adore it

my brother my brother & me — so. many. episodes. my favorite thing to put on when i need something funny & not… attention intensive.

the magnus archives — okay, it was kind of slow in the beginning, but i quickly got attached to the characters & the plot. i’m a few eps behind now but… it’s amazing.

the white vault — !!! oh my god. i’ve only listened to the first two seasons bc i don’t want to leave 3 on a cliffhanger, since it’s. not the same characters. but oh my god i LOVE this podcast. i’ve discovered a love for stories revolving around discoveries at remote research bases…

welcome to nightvale — i listened to about 20 episodes, maybe more? it wasn’t BAD but, i just… it’s not quite my thing. the premise (radio show in funky little town) is nice but i’m just… not quite feeling it :/

mabel — it’s weird. fun weird, but weird. i stopped listening sometime after episode 30? or something? but i intend to pick it back up again. it’s a lot of flowery language & subtlety & i need more brain power for it. but it’s nice, i love it. lots of good quotables.

vast horizons — i like this one, but i also don’t. it was made by the same company that did TWV. audio is great & i love dr. nolira BUT i hate the constant audio of her gasping / crying / etc. it’s unpleasant to me, so i may either look up transcripts or wait for a time where it won’t bug me as much.

the message — AMAZING. much like twv i binged it in a single night, p much. the plot line kept having me guessing. the twist at the end was AMAZING. i partially predicted it, but missed a key detail that turned the whole thing on its head. 10/10, would listen again.

lifeafter — included with “the message” as a sort of second season, but a different story. the story itself was amazing but of the five people i would consider “main” characters, i only liked two of them. agent cutler was very unempathetic &. was. definitely on the worse side of law enforcement imo; ross, the pov character, irritated; & his late wife was just. bothersome. did like octavia, the scientist—she was a sweetheart. & sasha, the antagonist, was fun & interesting & i also enjoyed her voice. it’s not a bad listen necessarily just not my cup of tea.

something i’ve learned about myself; i’m not a big fan of visual horror, but audio/reading doesn’t squik me as much, provided there’s not a lot of detailed gore.

i also, as mentioned above, really like research teams discovering weird things, especially in remote places. now how to figure out how to condense that into search terms so that i can google more podcasts like that xD

anyway! i’ve got a whole library full of podcasts to go through, so, i’ll reblog this when i’ve accumulated more. in the meantime, i’ve been up all night (only partially bc of listening) & now it’s bedtime.

[shellheadtm-a]

@shieldslinger / steve and tony not another ship meme

who would be the one to randomly adopt a puppy without consultation

maybe not a puppy, but uh.  honestly.  i'm waiting for the day steve brings home a stray baby.  it's gonna happen.  we all know it's gonna happen.  and that's gonna be the most well-loved, well-protected kid you've ever seen.  tony may even put up a token protest or three.

who would force the other to take aesthetic pictures of them

steve's the atsy one.  but also see the counterpoint of steve being a giant troll and pretending he still doesn't get a lot of modern technology.  and that's not even touching steve's nudes, we're not gonna get into that here.

who would do stuff they think is stupid just to make the other one happy

hi yes who is tony stark for five hundred?  have you...do you...like.  have you seen tony with steve?  they could only be the best of friends and tony would never be able to tell him no about anything.  he'll hem and he'll haw and then he'll go along with it anyway because he likes seeing steve smile.  but like this?  oh buddy.  tony is ooey-gooey disgusting about making steve rogers smile.

who picks out the horror movies to watch just so the other will cling to them

counterpoint: it's not horror movies.  and they swap off between fantasy, scifi, and steve's personal favorites, romcoms (no i will literally never stop laughing about this).  the true testament of love here is the fact that tony doesn't wander off halfway through some formulaic not very funny and geared toward middle aged housewives movie and while he may actually fall asleep, he'll be using steve as a pillow.

who is constantly studying and who is constantly trying to distract them

yeah, that's not how steve and tony work.  if anything, it's tony trying to pull steve out of work mode, not the other way around, and it's probably not very common.  see, what happens when two workaholics get involved with each other is...they work.  they may even do it in the same room.  they may even have conversations while they do it.  but they're still working.

who initiates the facetime calls whenever they’re separated

you know what's never occurred to me.  downtime on away missions.  with how gross they are.  you know it's a thing.  whoever's away doing it on whoever was back home.  if it's steve he gets to see the steady progression of tony going through his clean laundry, shirt by shirt.  if it's tony and there are any other avengers around he gets to hear about how mom's pouting.  it also raises some interesting implications i'm not gonna talk about and am currently forbidding tony from ever bringing up.

who is more likely to storm out after a fight and who is more likely to cry when they do

tony's the crier.  but he's not gonna do it where anyone can see him.  because honestly, listen, they're sweet.  they're soft.  but they're still gonna argue, that's a given fact.  it's why they're such good foils, they're gonna disagree, they make each other defend their point of view.  but it's gonna take...time.  for tony not to think he's ruined everything just because they disagreed about something, given their history.  he'll get better - i really do think that - it's just gonna take a few fights and makeups before it really starts to.

who stays up way too late binge-watching their favorite shows

steve is a goodish adult and goes to bed even when he doesn't necessarily need to bc of the serum.  tony is a terrible adult and does not even though he's not enhanced in any way and needs sleep more than anyone.  he's the one that'll stay up, but it's not because he's watching tv, it's because he's probably down in the shop or still in the office doing work and/or iron man things.  and then he'll tiptoe in at ass o' clock before steve gets up at a truly disgusting hour.  and when steve wakes up tony will be wrapped around him like an octopus.

who bites the other’s ear when they’re feeling frisky

tony may be a nibbler, but steve leaves hickeys, so really, who's actually the worst one here.  (caveat:  tony would try harder if they'd stick around longer so fuck steve's healing factor in this instance in particular.)

who sprays the other with water when they’re washing the car

you know what i think.  given, you know, everything i know about steve.  i think steve is a stealth sprayer.  you know the kind.  i also think that because it's tony and steve, elaborate revenge is probably planned and carried out.

who has more fun decorating the house during holidays

okay but consider decorating the mansion for their first christmas back, i'm not crying, you're crying.  but honestly, i feel like...tony's the one more likely to want to be elaborate and annoyingly tinsel-filled and sparkly, because he doesn't know how not to try so hard.  meanwhile you've got steve rogers - killjoy - pulling down the mistletoe tony has so carefully placed all over.

who is more likely to give the silent treatment when they’re mad at the other

oh, the silent treatment comes after.  mostly on tony's end it's withdrawal in self-loathing bc that's just how he do.  but while being actively mad?  oh no.  lbr, they argue!  it's what they do!  it's what they've always done, even before all the bad shit, they push each other, make each other defend actions and opinions, and in the end they come out better for it.

who plays with the others’ hair more

i'ma be real here.  tony loves, loves, loves playing in steve's hair.  it's a thing he's always wanted to do and now that he can, he does.  often.  sorry, steve.  his favorite is when steve pulls off his helmet/cowl (whichever at the time) and he's got helmet/cowl hair.

who is more likely to climb all over the other one when they’re bored

yes, you are correct, steve does end up with a lapful of tony stark quite often, thanks for coming.  hell, he did that to a degree before anything, and now it's just worse.

who tries to kiss the other as often as they can

if you think they haven't gotten booed out of room, i have news for you, friend.  but also that's probably heavily due to the fact that, you know, no one wants to see their parents smoochin.  

who pouts when the other one tells them to shut the fuck up

i don't even want to contemplate what tony would do in that situation.  i don't.  i don't!  like steve can be kinda brusque and that's fair, like that's nothing new, but something like that would...it wouldn't be a good thing.  and, too, there's a definite difference, because they dissemble between iron man and tony, and cap and steve, on whether work is being done or not.  being told to can it while things are edgy and there's a job or whatever is one thing.  even being told to shush in off time is one thing.  that, though?  let's just...how about we don't.

who initiates the sex and who walks away when the other is riled up

i would like to state for the record that tony stark - no matter what you may think - isn't usually much of a tease to begin with.  at least not that kind.  riling up steve and just walking out?  never gonna happen.  not in a million years.  and...like...how do i even- they've both got their hangups and one thing tony would literally never, ever want to do is make steve feel like he's not really into it.  you get me?

who always forgets the umbrella and who holds it when they actually have one

okay but.  what if.  shield umbrella.  bc that shit is cute.  but also awkward bc tony's several inches taller in the suit and he'd have to stoop.  but just.  what if.  otherwise, tony literally always forgets, count on it, make contingencies for it.  and steve gets to hold it bc he's the super soldier.  also taller (by like, what.  an inch or two).

who demands showering first in the mornings

it's less demand and more...steve's probably already up, done his morning run and workout routine, and come back to clean up before breakfast before tony's even rolled over, to be honest.

who sneaks into the shower with the other one in the mornings

and you know, if there's time by the time tony wakes up and steve just happens to be in the shower, hey.  what happens, happens.  if you think for two seconds he's gonna miss that for anything, you have not actually been paying attention.  peak of human perfection?  love of tony stark's life?  in the shower?  he's seen a porn like this once.

who prefers riding the roller coasters and who prefers playing the games

i'm just gonna remind everyone that avengers poker night is a legit thing that happens.  and that there's some cross pollenation from like.  the fantastic four and stephen strange and others, probably.  and that steve is terrible at it, because his non-work face hides nothing.

who will text the other one thirty times in a row until they respond

tony's a serial multitexter.  what he could say in one big one will be divided up into two or three or more.  and he likes to tag things on as he thinks of them bc of how his brain follows logic trails.  

who always forgets to charge their phone overnight

it's always gonna be tony.  he's probably got friday reminding him and still forgets to do it.

who comes up behind the other and slide their hands into their back pockets

tony.  tony, tony, tony, but he likes propping his chin on steve's shoulder since they're so close in height.  and i think half the time he does shit like this just because he can now and the new and shiny of that is literally never going to rub off for him.

who tries to get hugs from the other as often as they can

they were touchy before, what makes you think anything at all has changed there?  if anything, it's probably worse, at least...you know.  outside of official avengers action (and even then they still had/have unnecessary touching lbr). 

who is louder and who constantly has the tell the other to be quiet

i think it's less who's loud and more who extraneously goes on more, and that's definitely tony.  especially while in work mode.  tony's levity is probably what gets him in trouble, because even if you know he's not being flippant, it comes across as being really convincing, in that kind of thing.  and lbr, at this point all it probably takes is a look and he'll get his game face on.

[invcntion]

☼omfg finn and wren / ethan and wren. i love i neeeed

Send ☼ + a ship and i’ll tell you…

finn and wren

who would be the one to randomly adopt a puppy without consultation: …i want to say wren though i cannot explain why but they deserve a puppy who would force the other to take aesthetic pictures of them: neither really, but finn does have several hundred pictures of wren from over the years because he is just… soft for him who would do stuff they think is stupid just to make the other one happy: they both totally do! but wren slightly more so cause he is a sweetheart who picks out the horror movies to watch just so the other will cling to them: finn picks the films because he likes decision making and he really likes wren holding onto him, i’m just saying….who is constantly studying and who is constantly trying to distract them: finn and wren is totally trying to distract him and make him take a needed breakwho initiates the facetime calls whenever they’re separated: they both do because deep down they’re babies who cannot be partedwho is more likely to storm out after a fight and who is more likely to cry when they do: tbh neither of them strike me as criers? i think finn is likely to leave just to try and get his head straight bc fighting with wren just kills him and… he always runs from situations like that who stays up way too late binge-watching their favorite shows: they do together who bites the other’s ear when they’re feeling frisky: …wren? i fee like deep down he is a lil more freaky than finn in the sheets aha who sprays the other with water when they’re washing the car: finn. gotta mess with his baby slightly who is more likely to give the silent treatment when they’re mad at the other: wren? i don’t know why but i can see it who plays with the others’ hair more: THEY BOTH DO. finn loves just absently playing with wren’s hair but i feel like it’s the same the other way round too, they’re soft bois. who is more likely to climb all over the other one when they’re bored: in my mind for sure wren, mainly when they’ve both been reading for hours and he’s trying to get finn’s attention who tries to kiss the other as often as they can: BOTH. they’re going to be so in love and unable to show it that when they can kiss they both have to make the most of it. who pouts when the other one tells them to shut the fuck up: wren pouts and finn tells him to shut up v fondly  who initiates the sex and who walks away when the other is riled up: wren initiates it a little more i think? and finn walks away but always comes quickly back because he can’t help himself who always forgets the umbrella and who holds it when they actually have one: look they both always remember and yet the still absolutely share one when one of them claims they’ve gotten so they can huddle closer   who demands showering first in the mornings: finn doesn’t demand but he normally does like to shower first when given the choice who sneaks into the shower with the other one in the mornings: wren and it is like a good half the reason finn likes to shower first…who will text the other one thirty times in a row until they respond: wren? finn is a pretty shocking texter, he forgets to reply a lot of the timewho always forgets to charge their phone overnight: neither? they’re intelligent and organised boys with things like this.   who comes up behind the other and slide their hands into their back pockets: wren? i don’t know what i can just see it in my mind  who tries to get hugs from the other as often as they can: they both do they’re soft boys who like to hug each other and that is just a factwho is louder and who constantly has the tell the other to be quiet: ok finn is telling wren to be quiet even if 90% of the time it’s teasing

ethan and wren 

who would be the one to randomly adopt a puppy without consultation: ETHAN. we both know this is 100% going to happen and it’ll join merlin in their little familywho would force the other to take aesthetic pictures of them: i feel like neither care much about aesthetic pictures, they’re bigger fans of candid moments who would do stuff they think is stupid just to make the other one happy: lowkey both, they love seeing the other happy and deep down i think either would do anything dumb to make the other smilewho picks out the horror movies to watch just so the other will cling to them: …ethan probably picks the horror movies and then also clings to wren when he realises it was a mistake lmaowho is constantly studying and who is constantly trying to distract them: wren is for sure studying and ethan is sat on the end of his bed with merlin being a pain in the ass until he gets attention who initiates the facetime calls whenever they’re separated: ethan because he is lowkey soft and does actually really miss wren when they’re both home for the holidays, plus he has very little shame so will happily be clingy who is more likely to storm out after a fight and who is more likely to cry when they do: i want to say wren is more likely to leave to clear his head and… ethan probably cries cause he thinks he’s messed everything up who stays up way too late binge-watching their favorite shows: they both do together in a strange agreement they’ve never really talked about but it’s just a routine now who bites the other’s ear when they’re feeling frisky: ethan does. he is weirdly frisky okay and like attention when wren is too busy studying to provide him with it who sprays the other with water when they’re washing the car: in my mind i can see wren doing thiswho is more likely to give the silent treatment when they’re mad at the other: haha i think they both do, just in their room silently waiting for the other to cave who plays with the others’ hair more: lwho is more likely to climb all over the other one when they’re bored: ethan, he’s like a cat tbh just slightly tipsy climbing into wren’s lap so he can get attention who tries to kiss the other as often as they can: as soon as they start kissing they both do, they’re around each other so much they can’t help it who pouts when the other one tells them to shut the fuck up: WREN TELLS HIM TO SHUT UP ANd ethan doesn’t even pout he just looks like a wounded puppy for a whilewho initiates the sex and who walks away when the other is riled up: lowkey they both do this almost equally to each other who always forgets the umbrella and who holds it when they actually have one: ethan always forgets and wren always has one, when it starts pouring down and they’re not together he literally phones him for help who demands showering first in the mornings: i want to say wren? i feel like he gets up a bit earlier moth days whereas ethan drags himself out of bed far laterwho sneaks into the shower with the other one in the mornings: ethan, to surprise wren when he’s actually awake in time to who will text the other one thirty times in a row until they respond: ethan, the boy is shameless when it comes to being clingywho always forgets to charge their phone overnight: also ethan. wren probably sets up a system for him so he remembers and his phone stops dying when they’re outwho tries to get hugs from the other as often as they can: they both do, ethan more obviously but wren likes all the hugs too okay i can feel it who is louder and who constantly has the tell the other to be quiet: ethan is louder when he gets enthusiastic and doesn’t realise until wren has to sush him 

[jungnoir]

May I please request college boyfriend!yuta in bullet point form? Please please please ❤️❤️❤️ I’ve been waiting so long for your requests to be reopened, I love your work!

a/n: thank you for being patient!! i hope you like this~

name: nakamoto yuta

age: immortal

major: bullshit undecided

if anyone were to try and define yuta,,, there would be a series of words that would be used,,, all of which may or may not be appropriate for ages 13 and under

yuta came to seoul from japan when he was just graduating high school on a scholarship for soccer

there were tons of schools that he really would have liked to go to all over the world, from places like New York to places in Brazil and Germany

and these schools all around the world really wanted him

he was, after all, a star on the rise

so you can see why his family was so confused when he chose to take a scholarship a little nearer to home, right in south korea

at the time, all he’d said was that seoul was somewhere he always wanted to live

which of course his family called bs on lol

yuta; what do you mean i’ve never talked about going to seoul before!! it’s my favorite place in the world!! great city!!! 10/10 would live there

literally everyone who knows this fool: you spelled seoul as seol once and it took you eight minutes to realize it

jk jk but look ok,,, he’s nowhere near as ditzy as he likes to joke about sometimes

cause yeah he’s great at soccer but he’s also got the brains to go with the brawn!! which makes him understand that despite the scholarships he’s getting to these overseas schools, not a lot of them cover all the expenses it will take to both get there and stay there

whereas the school in seoul is only 516 miles away from home, a stark difference to all those schools all over the world

if yuta wanted, he could go visit his family every weekend with the money he saved

and while seoul (shocker!) really wasn’t his dream place to be, it ended up being not too bad in yuta’s mind

to be honest,,, he kinda liked it

it was the actual school part he didn’t like

yuta felt most alive and happy when on the field, so having to take all these classes he neither cared for nor could understand on top of being in a foreign country and trying to master the language was t o u g h

while yuta never liked to admit it, there were often times he would find himself crying himself to sleep because he missed his family and old friends so much and being in another place, even if only 500 miles away, was stressful for him

thankfully, despite being one of the v few japanese students at his school, he wasn’t the only foreigner, and he’d met tons of good friends who were always patient with him when he mixed up his korean

ppl like taeyong, ten, jaehyun, doyoung, taeil, sicheng, mark, and johnny became some of his closest friends, but sicheng was his first

yuta could still remember his first day in classes at the school and how he couldn’t spot one (1) foreigner until his last class, statistics

yuta had just finished introducing himself to the class and he wasn’t really paying attention to everyone else as the teacher went down each table to get names, majors, places they were from, etc.

but then he remembered hearing this soft voice come from way across the classroom and this boy who was just a little younger than himself was introducing himself as dong sicheng and telling everyone that he was from china and would do his best to try and communicate and,,, fuk,,, it was like yuta’s world got a lil brighter

(i swear to god this is a yuta x reader fic and not a badly disguised yuwin fic ok)

almost immediately after class yuta tracks down sicheng and he’s like oh!!! hello!!! and tries to use his best korean for yuta but then yuta just pats sicheng’s shoulder with the most loving look in his eyes and probably tells sicheng he had been looking for him his whole life or something tbh sicheng doesn’t remember much of that moment except now yuta was his Best Friend and that was nonnegotiable

sicheng soon learned that yuta was also a foreigner and had gotten excited for all of five seconds before he found out he couldn’t speak much chinese, but sicheng was still pretty happy to have someone around who was in the same boat as him regardless

and, over time, sicheng began to teach him chinese and in return, yuta would teach him japanese

they would often try to navigate the horrors of being multilingual

and while yeah, it was pretty frustrating not being able to verbalize how you feel as accurately as you’d like, there were some perks

like insults. just hella insults

especially from sicheng to yuta

yuta absolutely loves pinching his cheeks and telling him how cute he is and follows the kid around and is so CLINGy and sicheng sometimes just has to smile and take it but other times,,,

sicheng: *in chinese* i’m going to skin you alive if you poke my cheek one more time you infuriating little man-

yuta: what are you saying, sicheng? *bats eyelashes lovingly*

sicheng: oh i was just saying ur my best friend in chinese hahahaha

yuta: awwww 💕❣️💓❤️💖💗💝💘

despite this though, the two really do love each other and often times do talk smack to each other about korean customs that they just Do Not Get

and all of their korean friends are just kind of like ???? why are u all so negative and yuwin is like “these are just the facts dudes”

it’s the relationships yuta has formed with these boys and more that really come in handy when yuta realizes in the middle of his second year that,,, he doesn’t really want to go to school for soccer anymore

he doesn’t love the sport any less!! but he just doesn’t feel like it’s what he wants to do for the rest of his life

there’s so much dedication and work that goes into it and yuta just isn’t in the same mindset he was in osaka or during his first year

he feels so ashamed when he informs both the school and his family that he was changing his major, and despite how his family still wants to support him in whatever he chooses, it becomes apparent that time is really running out for him at this point. most people say that declaring a major before your third year is crucial, and he has barely months left

of course, after changing his major, yuta also loses his scholarship and is therefore having to try and make ends meet in any way he can

if that’s taking odd jobs here and there and moving from the dorms into a small, cheap apartment a half hour’s subway ride away from the school, he does what he has to

it’s only randomly when he’s just wasting time with the boys at their dorm that one of them turns on this,,, anime

no it’s not hentai

and sometimes the boys joke abt yuta’s anime knowledge being sub par at best but yuta is just like “at least i’m not a weeb”

until they introduce him to this one anime

ouran high school host club

he learns that the basic premise is the protagonist ends up getting forced into working for a “host club” of pretty, rich boys who tend to the girls of their high school and raise money doing silly things like taking photos of the boys and selling them or auctioning off the host’s belongings

and while he thinks it’s pretty ridiculous,, he’s also inspired

and out of the blue after binge-watching all the episodes in two days, yuta asks if any of the boys thinks it would be possible to have a host club in this decade, specifically at their school

at first, most of them just joke about how weird it’d be and that there were hardly any rich students on campus, let alone ones pretty enough to successfully be a part of a host club

but then yuta is like “no,,, i mean we don’t have to be as elaborate as the anime but we could still do things right? like for people who are stressed with exams or who need to talk to someone because they’re homesick and their friends here don’t get it,,,,, and we can get donations and stuff to keep it going. and the more money we get the more fun activities we can organize for students to enjoy,, wouldn’t it be cool?”

so from there, a conversation spurs on and suddenly this thing is actually getting put to work

each boy is in charge of something, whether it’s being a shoulder to cry on and get advice from on (taeyong), a fun, laid back guy who knows where all the cool things to do on campus are (johnny), or a guy who is just a plain pick up line machine (yuta)

they all do something unique and different compared to the other boys and it all just,,, like it just works so well

at first the school thinks it’s fuckin weird and there’s so much they have to smooth out but they eventually end up getting a faculty advisor to look over their activities and soon enough their “host club” is in business

at first, people really don’t know what they’re getting into when they’re invited to the club on campus, only that it’s supposed to be either really funny or really embarrassing

and the boys are just as nervous as the first few students who arrive

but, at some point, something just clicks

there’s this one student who comes to taeyong every week and complains about their annoying roommate and their terrible history professor but by the end of the meeting, they feel so much lighter

there’s another student who honestly just comes to see doyoung bc he reminds them sm of like a goofy best friend who is both awkward and cute at all times and they often just go to the cafeteria and play board games for hours

and there’s another student who is a chinese transfer and finds so much comfort in getting to talk to sicheng in their native language about home bc they haven’t met many ppl on campus who are in the same boat as them and it’s just,,, a blessing

yuta’s crazy, out of the blue idea actually works

and as ppl become regulars, they tell their friends and their friends tell their friends and suddenly they’re really doing something

students who can are sparing a few bucks here and there and when the club pairs up with other clubs on campus, they also get money from the fundraisers they hold selling ice cream or organizing therapy pet meetings during exam week for all the stressed students

a portion of the money that the club gets goes to the members to help with books and other little necessities that they might have trouble paying for currently

now, yuta, like some of the other boys, doesn’t really have a niche in the club

some of them do!! and that’s fine!! but it’s a little disheartening because there’s always that student who is like “is there anyone here who can do [x] for me?” and there will be one of them there and that thing is right up their alley

whereas all the more broad and unexplored requests go to the other boys who haven’t quite established what they can do for their clients

yuta is usually good at cracking jokes and being an overall mood lifter, but,, so is johnny,,,, so is their youngest, donghyuck,,, so is their newest member yukhei

and once again, yuta just feels like he doesn’t know what he wants in life and doesn’t know where he fits in

and yeah, sure, he put together this whole club in the first place, but he leaves management in the hands of taeyong and doyoung and taeil…. the “responsible” ones

yuta was just the “goof”, the “sassy” one, the “greasy” one

he just doesn’t know where he fits….. he feels like a puzzle piece that’s missing its place from the big picture

enter you, someone who was definitely in a similar head space

you weren’t sure what you were doing with your life, if you really wanted to pursue higher education, and your mental health was suffering big time

you were pretty much on your last leg as you tried to figure out whether you should just call it quits this semester and drop out for good or if you should keep soldiering on

your friend notices that you’ve fallen so deep into a bad mood that you haven’t been able to drag yourself out of it yet, so she recommends that you come try this new thing on campus that a lot of students have been talking about

something about a “harem of handsome boys” and “the answer to all your problems”

you seriously couldn’t see how a boy would ever be the answer to any problem but nevertheless u went

after your last class of the day, your friend brought you to one of the empty rooms on the top floor of one of the buildings on campus overlooking the rest of the school

there,,, you hadn’t known what you expected but it definitely wasn’t this

there’s just a bunch of handsome looking boys sitting around the big classroom, one sitting on top of a desk and talking animatedly to one girl about god knows what, another in the back showing a girl some new trendy dance you hadn’t caught on to yet, and another standing off to the side with a kind smile on his face as he introduces himself as jungwoo, a member of the club

he asks you what you’re looking for for the evening, and you have a weird feeling about the way he asks the question but this seems so,,, innocent,,, odd but innocent

your friend nudges you to go on, and you kind of just shrug and tell him you don’t know yet

jungwoo just smiles and tells you that he knows the perfect person for you

and then he runs off to the back of the room, up to one boy who wasn’t talking to anyone yet

he’s got headphones on and the shade on the window next to him is rolled all the way up, letting the sunlight in and it highlights his sharp features and stunning hazel eyes

jungwoo says something, and then those hazel eyes are on you

you barely register your friend leaving, just that her fleeting words are “have fun with him, he’s a mystery”

hazel eyes blinks and then quietly waves you over, and out of instinct you look over to the familiar face of jungwoo to see if it’s ok

the boy who looks much younger in comparison to hazel eyes just nods and smiles that big smile again, waving you over as well

so you make your way over, catching eyes with a few of the boys who were with other “clients” as your friend had called them, some of them giving you a smile and some of them widening their eyes as they watched you make your way over to hazel eyes

jungwoo pulls a chair out for you and faces you toward hazel eyes, telling you to have fun and to talk to him if you had any questions

once he’s gone…. you don’t quite know what to do now

and hazel eyes has no problem staring at you while you try to figure it out

immediately, you decide that’s the first order of business

“so uh,,, i’m (y/n), what is ur name?” you ask, sounding much meeker than you intended

honestly, you were just tired and couldn’t quite believe this was what you were spending your very limited time doing instead of homework or staring at the wall in the middle of an existential crisis

hazel eyes smiles some, “nakamoto yuta, but you can call me later”

it takes you a second to process that he’s just used a pick up line on you,, and a bad one at that

by the time you even get a stunned laugh out of your mouth, he grins wider and you swear that the sun’s light burns a little brighter on his skin when he does, “i’m already taking your breath away, huh?”

“out of disbelief” “i know, right? i’m a marvel. it’s ok, you can admit it” he nods at you understandingly, as if he knew your feelings better than you did yourself

“is this your thing then? you’re the flirty one?” you ask, folding your arms on the desk separating the two of you and tilting your head to the side

the sun reaches you when you do and,, you looked beautiful from across the room but up close

you took his breath away

he has to collect what is left of his bearings, watching you in quiet awe as he thinks of what to say to you in response

there are no more pick up lines or witty remarks up his sleeve all of a sudden

how did you do that?

he finally clears his throat and looks away almost bashfully, “that’s more yukhei’s area”

“then what do you do?”

“uh,,, i don’t. uh. i don’t have a thing”

you hum lowly, “so do you usually get the clients who are indecisive?”

he thinks for a moment before nodding an affirmative

after a small awkward silence, he tries to fill the time you have together, “well, why don’t you tell me about why you decided to come today then? or how you’re feeling? i can find out what to do for you from there”

you try to think about what to tell him, unsure if you should go as deep as to tell the truth but also if you should stay elusive. after all, you had no idea what this club specialized in. maybe it was just for lighthearted interactions between students and nothing more

“i really only came because my friend said i should take my mind off of school stress and well, here i am”

yuta blinks for a few seconds before perking up, pushing himself up from his chair. the sudden movement surprises you, but then he’s walking over to the other corner of the room where there’s a locker located. he pops open the door and pulls out a soccer ball, then turns to you with a grin “wanna play me? loser buys slurpees at the corner store”

your eyes widen in surprise before you decide that you’ve nothing to lose and decide to accept with an added “slurpees and snacks, accordingly”

yuta ends up leading you out to the empty, open soccer field as the sun starts its descent out of the sky, kicking the ball around to you with more force and precision than you had expected

it’s only a quarter into the game when you realize that you are v seriously outplayed and yuta hasn’t broken a sweat

meanwhile you have drowned in your own bodily liquids and are probably watering the grass with it at this point

“you tricked me!” you accuse, breathing hard as you fall to your knees at another goal scored by him, but he just grins and his smile looks more devious out here than it did when you’d first seen it

“i never told you i was bad at soccer, i just told you to play me” “tricked!” “you didn’t ask!”

you rush over to retrieve the ball, wanting so badly to score a goal out of spite but when you kick,,, he just quickly blocks it and gets it into ur goal instead

finally, he decides to pity you and ends the game early with a whopping win 12-1

to make up for completely annihilating you, he offers to drive you both to the store instead of making you walk in your exhausted state and soon, the both of you are perched in chairs outside of the corner store, laughing over your slurpees and snacks and talking about everything that comes to mind, from the strange little trinkets yuta keeps in his car to your ankle socks decorated with little strawberries

the sun has fully gone down now, the night air cool but relieving on your heated skin

yuta brushes his hair back with his hand and takes a long drag from his straw before leaning back into his seat and looking at you, “so, how do you feel?”

you start at the sudden question, realizing that you have no ready-made answer on your tongue

honestly, you hadn’t thought anything about how you felt

the whole time you were with yuta, you just let go. you stopped thinking. stopped feeling. you just had fun

so you tell him just that

“i feel the most carefree right now than i ever have since i started school here”

a look of stupefaction floods his expression, making you shuffle in your seat “sorry, uh,,, was that too much?”

he quickly shakes his head, “no i just,,, uh… i feel the same”

you two just stare at each other like you’d done earlier when you’d first met, bewilderment and curiosity clear in the air

there’s something there, you both note, but what it is is still unclear

all you know is that you felt free, and all yuta knows is that he feels like he might have actually found his thing

he ends up taking you back to the school where it has gotten quite late and all the other boys have finished up with their clients and have gone home by now

yuta is going to wish you a goodnight and get back to his apartment when you turn to him and dig into your wallet all of a sudden, pulling out a few dollar bills

“i uh,, i guess you guys take donations and everything?”

usually, this wouldn’t feel so strange. after all, it’s what the club runs on next to fundraisers and the like

but

between the both of you, it just doesn’t feel right

so he pushes your hand away and grins, “you already treated me to food, silly!”

you look like you want to protest but yuta just smiles and heaves a big breath, “so! i hope i made your night”

you just look at him for a bit before blurting out “can i see you again?”

yuta is taken aback bc… well, he’s never had anyone request that of him before. he never really saw regulars like the other boys, so to imagine that he would have one just boggled his mind for a while

he soon recovered however, putting on one of his carefree smiles, “only if you’ll continue to suck at soccer”

you scowl before breaking out into laughter together, you waving a quick goodbye before slipping out of the car and heading off to your dorm room before the night got any older

and yuta really shouldn’t be surprised when he sees you in their room again the same day next week, hair put up out of your face with a funny looking headband and your body outfitted in a pair of shorts and a tee shirt and some sneakers that definitely aren’t made for running around on grass for hours

he doesn’t even get to ask you what the hell you thought you were wearing before you’re slapping your hands together and demanding a rematch for last week

and when he beats you (again), you treat him to slurpees once more

he expects you to really give up this time because now you’ve learned that he was recently attending school on a soccer scholarship and there was virtually no way that you, without any experience in the sport, could pummel him in it only after two matches

but then when he drops you off at the dorms a little earlier this time, your parting message is that you’ll be back for the next match

you meet him six days earlier, then five days, then four, three, two…

soon, you’re popping by every time you have a free hour or two to see if he’s in to play

slowly, you learn his schedule and he learns yours

the boys become well acquainted with you when you bound into the classroom with bright eyes and slightly more sport-appropriate outfits, simply yelling a “yuta, they’re here!” at the top of their lungs

while yuta starts to complain that all your meetings are the same, he does find that he’s having quite a lot of fun playing you

because, and don’t tell him i told you, but you’re getting better the more you play and he’s kinda proud

for those few hours every other day or so, it’s just the two of you messing around and playing soccer with each other

sometimes, you’ll get some talking in when you eat or when you both take a break and fall out on the grass in sweaty, panting messes

you learn all about how he wasn’t from around here, not too much of a surprise to you given his name, but you were awfully impressed with how he spoke almost like a native korean

he tells you about his life back home, about his family and how he’d gotten into soccer from a young age and adored it more than anything

he tells you how he has dreams of his mother’s homemade food and how he and his father message each other everyday about how much they miss each other

he tells you how ever since he changed his mind about his major, he’s felt lost and confused about his place in life and whether he would be anywhere near productive in the next ten years

and for the first time since yuta’s told someone about it, he feels like someone understands him

because you tell him that you feel similarly, that you don’t even know if what you’re studying for now will have any impact on your life in the future. you don’t have a clue what you want to do with your life and you don’t have a clue who you want to be,, but there’s something in that solidarity

and despite how scared the both of you are of your futures, you both decide that no matter what it is, you two can figure it out together

it’s different. it’s…. good. he likes the feeling of having someone understand him. he loves the feeling of having someone understand him and vow to walk the treacherous roads of life together. he really, really does

he also tells you about his funny habits like experimenting with making new foods (that he forces the other boys to eat and then enjoy) and teaching his unsuspecting friends out of context japanese just for kicks

you tell him if he ever teaches you something messed up in japanese you’ll kick him right in his soccer balls

he makes sure not to play u like that

except,,, maybe once

you: hey yuta how do you say “how much is this?” in japanese? i want to know if i ever visit

yuta: ohhh yeah it’s *in japanese* yuta is the best

you:…. did i just hear your name in that sentence

your friend pokes fun at you for going back so often but you honestly don’t care; you like being around yuta

in fact,, you kinda feel weird when you’re not with him

at first you had attributed it to him just having such a way with words that you would end up consumed in trying to decipher him rather than thinking about your day-to-day problems

but even when school stress was low, if he wasn’t around, you didn’t feel quite as peppy

yuta was slowly becoming something like your other half, fitting the pieces of you that you had long thought were missing

you guessed it might not have been the safest idea to start feeling so strongly for someone whose job was basically making people happy, but you felt that whatever you felt with him,, he felt with you

you could see it in the way he looked at you compared to his other clients, the way he would pretend not to light up when you’d walk in the room, or how he would try to prolong your time together in hopes that you’d stay longer,,,, keep your eyes on him more

you just didn’t know what to do with that information, didn’t know how to go about it the right way

after all, he had become someone you didn’t want to lose. if you screwed it up, you would be right back in the slump you were in before

you try instead to push the tumultuous feelings away for the time being and instead focus on meeting him again for your next match

you had managed to win your last two games and yuta was starting to get nervous, wondering if he was either losing his touch or you were just getting too good for him

when you show up to greet him that day, you notice you’re a little early and he’s with a client that had recently started coming to see him lately

she always came before you and always seemed to be somewhat starstruck whenever she would talk to him. you had eavesdropped on their conversations a number of times, so much so that you had enough blackmail fodder for d a y s

you had once teased him asking him why he never talked in such a cute voice to you as he did her

yuta: i don’t act cute for demons

usually, you would just sit off to the side and wait but you’re surprised when you’re suddenly approached by johnny who is grinning and plopping into a seat next to you, greeting you with one of his million dollar smiles “hey (y/n), waiting on yuta?”

you laugh, glancing over in the boy in question’s direction to see him fluttering his lashes at the girl “yeah, waiting on him and his girlfriend”

johnny snickers, “jealous, much?”

you fake a pout and rest your chin on your fist, “oh, definitely. i’m just overcome with the green-eyed monster!”

johnny looks over at yuta again and his friendly smile morphs into something a little sinister as he turns back to you, leaning in closer, “how obnoxious do you think we’ll have to be to get his attention?”

you take in a breath, wondering if you really should indulge johnny just for a joke, but then yuta looks over

and you start to laugh far too loudly as if johnny had just told you the most hilarious joke

you slap his shoulder for emphasis and feel yuta staring at the both of you, a slight pout on his lips as he can’t help but wonder what tf u two are even laughing abt

what’s,,, what’s with that loud laugh huh?? johnny’s not that funny??? you only laugh like that when he tells you jokes!!!!

>:(

you two keep it up well until you hear yuta call your name from the other side of the room and you finally realize the girl is long gone and yuta’s got his jacket thrown over his shoulder (all cool like, bc bad boys don’t wear their jackets apparently) and the soccer ball tucked between his hip and forearm, looking as serious as he ever has (but it’s rlly cute ishfiash)

“are you coming or are you two busy?”

johnny turns to you and tries to muffle a laugh, whispering for you to run along and that his “job is done”

whatever…. that means

you follow after yuta but he’s walking faster than usual, barely giving you a chance to keep up except for when he stops at the elevator

you try to jokingly ask him what he and his client talked about but he just mumbles “it’s confidential”

you can tell there’s something different in the air now and you’re feeling nervous, but you follow him out to the soccer field regardless and the game starts

it starts off fine, but you quickly realize that he’s playing in a totally different state than usual

he takes each shot seriously, seemingly getting you back for defeating him in the last two games

at one point, you guys get close to each other, you attempting to take the ball from him in hopes that you could somehow survive this game with more than two points or else he would totally annihilate you

your chests are bumping against each other, arms stretched backwards to fight the temptation of touching the other in order to get the ball

all it is is quick feet and sneaky steals

every time you steal, he steals back

it keeps going back and forth like that for a while, and you finally look him in the face

honestly, he could have gotten his point by now and finished the game

but,, he looks distracted

the mindless movements he makes prove that

he’ll steal the ball only to let you steal it back

“yuta…” you call his name softly, taking the ball from him once more

he seems to snap out of whatever it is that has him on another train of thought, and when he sees you have the ball, he steals it back immediately, but this time he gears up to kick it into your goal

you don’t know why you do it exactly, but you have to think fast if you want to save your ass in this game

your fingers shoot out and make contact with yuta’s sides and he jolts, breaking into an involuntary fit of laughter as you begin to tickle him

he demands that you release him in between giggles, hands weakly trying to pry yours away

you laugh too and manage to get him away from the ball just long enough to score a point while he’s compromised

yuta suddenly catches your wrists and pulls you into him, finally sucking in a breath as he realizes that you’ve just stolen a point from him. his cheeks are flushed from laughing so hard (or maybe from embarrassment, but he’d never admit to it) and he’s glaring at you, but not with nearly the same intensity as he had earlier with johnny

“you cheated” he breathes, voice low and quiet

you look up into his eyes and start smiling, flexing your hands in his grip and fighting the urge to laugh when he keeps that same hold on you, “you were distracted. i had to get your head back in the game” “you tricked me” “now, why does that sound so familiar?”

he opens his mouth to protest but finds himself speechless as he glares at you,,, and then pouts “is this payback?”

you shrug, “maybe… but why were you so distracted in the first place… you okay?”

he looks you in the eye before dropping your wrists, backing away some

and,, you miss the closeness instantaneously

yuta sighs heavily, and you’ve never heard him sound more upset before

yuta folds his arms over his chest and avoids eye contact, “i,, it’s really stupid”

“it’s ok, i expect nothing less from you” you joke, moving forward and softly tapping his chin to try and get him to look at you. you frown when he flinches away “seriously, what is it?”

“don’t you feel it?”

“feel… what?”

“you know what. just now, you felt it, didn’t you? all i do is move away from you and my whole body just feels,, wrong. it doesn’t make sense to me”

you watch as he shuffles quietly in the grass, face turned down in a thoughtful and nervous frown

suddenly, without a chance to rethink it, you grab his wrists like he had done yours and pull him right up against you, only,, you severely miscalculate his weight being thrown against you in comparison to yours being thrown against him

you go falling to the ground, right before yuta’s quick thinking has him twisting the two of you mid air so that his back hits the ground instead of yours

but again!!!! you two are really good at miscalculating!!!

and without meaning to (at least, not like this)…. your lips collide

it’s rough because of the momentum and your teeth knock together the moment you both hit the ground, but the pain disappears the second yuta hisses

and kisses you again

like you had grown so accustomed to, you get thrown into a world of your own, thoughts of the little things flying right out of the window

all you can taste is yuta’s lips and all you can feel is every nerve in your body going into overdrive

honestly, you wonder why you didn’t kiss him before

god, you really wonder why you didn’t kiss him before

you pull away first, biting your lip as you catch yuta almost chasing your lips and then letting his head fall back to the ground in defeat when you’ve moved out of his reach

“…are you still tricking me? so that I don’t call a foul on that tickling move earlier?” he narrows his eyes some, chest swelling with pride when you laugh again. because you’re laughing because of him

you cup his cheek and sigh, “you saw right through me”

that feeling you have when you’re near yuta seems to just intensify when you two decide to start dating

since yuta is naturally clingy too it just,,, works so well sehfiajsd

definitely the type of boyfriend to always be touching you in some way

sometimes if he’s not touching he’s hovering, for sure

you could just be standing and he’s like. There

the boys joke that he acts like he’s surgically attached to you but when they ask about you he always tries to act aloof like oh,,, them? yeah,,,, i don’t care abt them at all,,, i could live without them,,, *phone rings with ur caller id on the screen* wait shut up the love of my life is calling

always in The mood for some ominous reason

he’s just a bit,, kiss-starved ig

speaking of kisses!!! king of kissing you till you turn blue

he can go for quite a while and he has quite the tongue and i will leave that at that my friends

he’s such a touchy guy but if you’re equally as touchy he? goes into overload?

sometimes he might literally stop kissing you just to hyper focus on you touching him and ur like dude!!! come on!!! multi-task!!!

he blames it on the fact that you just mesmerize him and you’re too flattered to scold him again

;-;

you guys ofc still have your soccer matches, and you’ve gotten quite good

yuta had honestly missed playing between classes and the club and such, so you encourage him to rejoin the soccer team just for fun and he just loves it so much. he really did miss playing like he used to

speaking of the club, yuta is still a member, but it’s pretty clear his mind is elsewhere with clients

eventually, he decides that he can’t devote his full attention to clients any more so instead he asks 2tae and doyoung if he can maybe take an executive position

and they’re like?? uh YEH u started the damn thing lol

so yuta starts helping put together fun little outings and just tries to make the club not only more fun for the clients, but also for the members

and steadily, more ppl start to join!!! and not just boys!!!

honestly there’s a personality for everyone and something that everyone can enjoy

one time you came to visit yuta during the club hours and a newcomer mistook you for a member and started shyly asking jungwoo if she could pick you

needless to say yuta was v amused

“wow (y/n), if you weren’t dating me i’d probably hire u right now” “yuta please evaporate”

but anywho, despite all of this, yuta still hasn’t figured out what he wants to major in and do with his life

but also… he’s realized that’s okay

and that not everybody has life figured out like that

and if he has to take a year off and find something to do until he gets it then he will

and if he leaves school and never pursues it again, he’d be alright with that

because honestly, his fear of not being perfect or the rising star he was expected to be back home can’t overshadow the love he’s received not only from you but also his friends and family. and while everything in this day and age tells him he has to have it all figured out by now, he has other plans

he knows whatever he chooses to do from tomorrow morning till the last day of his life, he’ll make the decision because he wants to, because he loves what he’s going to do, and because his happiness is more important than any preconceived notions of “success”

he’ll be alright, he’s more than loved enough to see the silver lining