#i just wish if they where up for it explore that electricity sound vibes again

[bandomgay]

The new knee socks verison reminds me of same vibes as electricity like there the same flavor⬇️

[freelancearsonist]

February Fic Recs!

Hi everyone! I’ve realized that part of the problem with interaction within the fic community is that not as many larger creators are doing their part to reblog and recommend fics like they used to when I first joined Tumblr. And while I wouldn’t really consider myself a “large” blog, I still want to do my part to help boost my fellow creators :) So here’s a list of what I read this month!

02.01 // “a letter addressed to the manager of the letter room” by @propertyofabelmorales (Richard Alsonso-Munoz) // I’ve read this at least three times omg because it’s currently the only Richard content we have and it’s wonderfully written and the letter format is unique but really interesting and so fitting given the character so yeah 10/10 please keep ‘em coming Vic 😂

02.02 // “Walls that Come Down” by @houseofthirst (Nathan Bateman) // this made me horny and made me cry at the same time and I think it’s really unfair that you have the power to do that to me tbh 😂 This is so wonderfully written and such a beautiful take on Nathan’s character and ugh lemme go cry in my corner

02.03 // “Meet Me on Endor” by @autumnleaves1991-blog (Poe Dameron) // “You are so beautiful, all the time” made me tear up a little bit because it’s so distinctly Poe and I also horny cried because god I’d give anything for this man

02.04 // “In the Night” by @jawabear (Santiago “Pope” Garcia) // this was emotional and beautiful and sexy all at once and it made me cry a lil bit in bed at 2am and honestly I thank you for it

02.05 // “Something About You And I” by @sacklerscumrag (Poe Dameron) // This was beautifully written and also so so so sexy and I realized I might have a bit of unresolved bondage kink while reading this so thanks for that 😂

02.06 // “The Night That Follows” by @roanniom (Poe Dameron) // I found this kind of by accident and then it turned out to be one of the most beautiful fics I’ve ever read in my life??? I’m seriously like trembling how can someone pack so much talent into one sexy fic I’m—

02.07 // “The Punishment” by @mandorush (Santiago “Pope” Garcia) // This is so fucking sexy what the fuck and then I found out it’s a whole series??? Yeah so needless to say my 2am binge was entirely worth it omg 🤤

02.08 // “Dessert is on the Counter” by @nathan-bateman (Abel Morales) // I read this before you posted to make the moodboard but I’ve legit reread like seven times since then omg. A quality fic in every way. 10/10

02.09 // “Affection” by @wasicskosgirl (Llewyn Davis) // This is one of my all-time favorite fics for my favorite man 😭 everything about this is so cute and I would literally die to snuggle with this sweet boy 😭

02.10 // “Tell Me” by @rebellou (Poe Dameron) // I don’t even know what to say omfg this is one of the hottest things I’ve ever read in my life and I’d like this fic chiseled onto my gravestone so I have something nice to take with me into the afterlife

02.11 // “Romantic Dreams” by @witchyavenger (Santiago “Pope” Garcia) // Yeah I want this holy hell this was so spectacularly written and so sexy and 😩 god I can’t even have kids but I wish he would breed me omg

02.12 // “Pressing Camera Questions” by @youvebeenlivingfictional (Nathan Bateman) // Omg this is so wonderfully constructed, even as something of an introductory piece to this series. I’m so excited to see what comes!

02.13 // “Free Fall” by @michaelperry (Mikael Boghosian) // There’s so little fic for Mikael on this site and so finding this kinda felt like striking gold 😂 especially because it’s so wonderfully writing and so sexy and 🤤

02.14 // #valentines fic tag by @propertyofabelmorales (Literally every Oscar Isaac character) // I got to read so many amazing fics today because of the Valentine’s fic exchange but shit dude you went above and beyond!! I wanted to only plug each author once on this fic rec calendar but there’s no way I couldn’t give you a shout out for this. Even in addition to your piece for the fic exchange you wrote so much incredible fic for literally every character I can think of (including Marcus!!!!!!!!! As I’m writing this you haven’t even posted his yet but I saw his name on the list and I’ve been having heart palpitations ever since) so yeah explore this tag because there’s fic for literally everyone and it’s all so wonderfully written and *chef’s kiss*

02.15 // “ghosts” by @unstoppableforcce (Javier Peña) // This one gave me CHILLS omfg this is just the first part and I was rolling on the ground. Everything about this is so beautifully constructed and haunting and UGH this is amazing 😭

02.16 // “Pretty” by @waatermelon-sugaar (Blue Jones) // Holy shit this unlocked like seven kinks that I didn’t even know I had 🤤 this was so wonderfully written and so sexy and realistic? Idk if that’s a good descriptor but like I could feel everything you were describing sdkfdkfjdkfj I LOVED THIS

02.17 // “home.” By @pascal-isaac (Llewyn Davis) // Look I wish I was kidding when I say that I’ve read this fic upwards of seven times sdkjskdjskd this is one of my all-time favorite fics and it only gets hotter with age 😩 this fic is like a fine wine and I would like to have it inscribed on my tombstone when I inevitably escape from this plane of existence

02.18 // “Turning to the Dark...” by @mylifeisactuallyamess (First Order!Poe Dameron) // If I’m being honest I’m not usually a fan of darker fics but this one worked for me. It was so sexy and honestly kind of beautiful in the way you describe the interrogation and later Poe’s willful turning. I really enjoyed this and will probably read again 🥺

02.19 // “My Best Decision” by @knivesareout​ (Javier Peña) // Fuck guys I’ve had baby fever like a motherfucker this month and this made it so much worse 😂 Dad!Javi is so fucking cute omg and this fic was SO SEXY and it really hit all of my bases 😩

02.20 // “my sweet baby” by @writingletterstothefire (Santiago “Pope” Garcia) // Look I’ve read this fic 293394 times and it’s good EVERY TIME. Dirty Dancing is the good kush and this fic made my obsession with that movie like 1000 times worse omfg. I read this every time I’m in a bad mood and it just puts a smile on my face so fast omg I would literally beg for a longer version

02.21 // “Sounds of Silence” by @veuliee2 (Orestes) // This fic? This fic right here? Lives rent free in my mind. To the truest capacity of the statement. I wish I was kidding when I say that not a single day goes by where I don’t think about this. I don’t even really know what to call this? Maybe Something along the lines of associates to lovers? Whatever this qualifies as it’s literally one of my absolute favorite fics of all time and I will never forget the way you shattered and mended my heart with one story

02.22 // “Mr. & Mrs. Cooper” by @aellynera (Bud Cooper) // THIS IS BRILLIANT THE ENTIRE WAY THROUGH ok first of all that this is like one of two fics for this character 😂 but also this is the most beautifully, ironically constructed fic ever? Everything about this is entirely grasping and there’s THREE PARTS that are all just as good as the rest and 😩 I literally couldn’t ask for a more perfect fic

02.23 // “Catch” by @ollypopp (Poe Dameron) // This is a short drabble but I had to include it because DAMN this is so sexy and wonderful for such a short piece and I’ll be thinking about this for the next month so thank you 😂

02.24 // “Blooming most recklessly” by @writefightandflightclub (Evgeni Kolpakov) // This is so beautifully written while simultaneously being so sexy???? How do you do it Luna I am forever in awe of your talent 😭 I can just visualize everything he says and does so clearly and I’m so in love with this piece 😭💛

02.25 // “falling for you” by @luminouspoes (Poe Dameron) // This is the cutest thing ever wtf 😭😭 The pining is so strong even though it’s short and it’s just all around so wonderfully written and I must go cry in my corner now

02.26 // “Liability” by @honeymandos (Nathan Bateman) // THIS WAS GORGEOUS WTF I’m crying over some soft Nathan in this house tonight 😭 I was legit so worried for a while that he’d send reader away but then he CAVED and my heart sang hallelujah—

02.27 // “electric spark” by @woakiees (Duke Leto Atreides) // Hi I need everyone to read this please so it can destroy your body and live in your mind and occupy all of your waking thoughts like it does for me k thanks

02.28 // “The Child” by @starryeyedstories (Poe Dameron) // This was the sweetest thing ever what the heck 😭😭😭 I am eternally sobbing over this lil found family-ish vibe and dad!Poe is literally everything I’ve ever wanted and UGH I have to go cry for the next month

[rubyleo-vibes]

The entire weekend

Chris Evans naughty mood lives rent free in my mind

So my hormones have been really crazy lately and when I’m about to write something naughty my mood changes drastically and have the feeling to write something angsty and before the first idea dies, here we go. I hope you like it. Enjoy my beautiful gems

word count: 1,894

warning: +18, smut, dirty talk, body fluids, slight dom vibes? 

________

“You okay doll?” I heard Chris’s deep voice, trying to catch my breath I feel his hand caressing my tummy, “i think I’m ruined and you?” I giggled I turned my head to see his darken baby blue eyes- “same here and we haven’t even doing that much but we already close to real thing...”he kissed my shoulder -“... I promise doll” and he gave me a smirk and kissing my lips slowly and passionately, one of his hand placed on my cheek and the other exploring my upper body.

We were laying in bed, our clothes abandoned all around his bedroom, damp sheets underneath and our sweaty bodies screaming for attention. I mean when this man told me that he wasn’t planned to letting me go the entire weekend and today was about teasing each other, lots of foreplay and coming until he say so, wasn’t even kidding, why? Because he wants to please his shiny gemstone and he knows how much i love the whole foreplay stuff, so his plans for the weekend was to tangle our bodies and his excuses were “we need lots of foreplay to make us ready for all the sweet dirty things that I planned to do with you this weekend, and I know that you are an expert on the job doll and so am I”, and that was four hours ago, so many kisses here and there, touches all over our bodies, teasing each other unlit we were cried and just saying “ do it, wanna see you”.Patient is a virtue...so building the tension and the desire for our taste, our sounds and the owners of a sweet frustrated release was a freaking honor and a reward for our egos . One day we talked about how long we could push the foreplay and Chris took to serious that conversation, cause today he put in table a lead time for both of us.

He said “just foreplay” “teasing you and teasing me”, our cries rumbling the walls, the room feels like summer even though was the middle of winter. It wasn’t a punishment,no, it was a pure pleasure, you know just fun games. Four hours of sweet foreplay, he was the one in charge to allow us to come as hard as we want, yes he decides when he wanted to come and when I was allowed to do it, nothing mean or cruel, as like said just funny games.

Pure lust in our eyes, the only rule we agreed for that night was that we can’t connect our bodies the way we always do, so he can’t be my plug until the clock says is midnight. Yes call us crazy but this game was pretty fun to play. The time says it was another hour ahead to feel the real and sweet electricity we make when our bodies are properly connected. How the heck we aren’t fucking each other, don’t know, but we are two strong and stubborn humans who wanted to push the limits and prove that we have the virtue of being patient.

“Come on doll I know you can give us another hour of that sweet teasing,” Chris said while he was getting up to change his position, spreading my legs and make space for him, once between them his stare admiring my shiny heated body, his hands massaging my thighs. And here we go again... what are we doing now? , cause we touched, talked dirty, played, lots of fun and every time is hotter and the insatiable feeling gets worse than before.

I laughed by his words and he just frowned-“prove me if you want... you know I can, but you? You look like you are about to break your own word”- I said with a bratty tone, but he just laughed and said “ oh pretty girl, you know I can keep my dick this last minutes out of your warms walls, you’re so strong and patient, so good for me” while he lean to kiss my cleavage and the top of my breast, I wimped feeling his lips on me and his talking dirty game coming in my ears, I couldn’t help and my body shove, he giggled- “and so responsive too, can’t wait to make you mine, if I was you I’ll enjoy this last time of teasing cause they won’t be able to appear the rest of the weekend”, the bastard played pretty good, he finished saying kissing my earlobe and his warm breathtaking mine away. But he was right, I need to enjoy this little game, and two can play.

I arched my back, brushing my nipples against his tattooed hard chest I feel his heavy cock twitching against my thighs, his entire body tensed by the way I played too- “you know...” I started my next move, while I began touching his grown biceps, his new training for that new role was hitting different levels and he knows that, -“...i can be as good as you want...”- he was now looking me in my eyes, so desperate and anger-“... My body can respond to you anytime you want to... but remember that you’re at the same place too... Remember that I can make you hard faster than the velocity of the light...”- I said brushing our lips and his lips slightly apart.

“You made things to me pretty girl, I can’t deny you that..and”- he stopped a second to give me a quick kiss and continue-“remember I’m yours..”- I gasped and replayed-“you’re mine, you’re my man”- I kissed him quickly and he continues his speech-“ exactly... and you’re mine, my beautiful Ruby, so beautiful and unique, all mine baby..” I moan before our lips started a battle that he won. Catching our breaths after a short but heated kiss I said-“ all yours...” my eyes closed trying to bring more words, I felt how his heat moved away from me, kneeling again between my legs.

“11:11 doll, make a wish, I’m already asking mine,” Chris said while he checked the clock on his nightstand, bringing my attention to him I bite my lip watching him stroking softly his cock while his turn his eyes to me again, a cheeky smile on his face waiting for my response-“did you made it pretty girl?”- I nodded-“oh yeah?”- he pumped his length harder and I raised my hips for attention, he just lets a small laugh out “oh I can tell we asked for the same thing... but we have a deal pretty girl, why don’t you tell me what was you wish, mmh?” His voice sounded so deep and harsh, I was losing my mind, but I have to continue my game too, but any freaking word has the courage to let out my mouth.

“What happened doll?, I thought you were talkative, you’re the teasing queen”- he said and my eyes couldn’t leave his big hard cock, and swallow again my words, he was enjoying this and obviously took vantage of it -“oh... you want this pretty girl mmmh?”- he brings close his cock to my wetness -“you want my cock isn’t huh?, yeah i know, i’m so hard for you, so hard that hurts petty girl, you want to know what was my wish mmmh?”-  i took a deep breath and bring myself together again and anxious to hear his answer i whispered- “what was your wish?”- he smiles wide-” there she is, I was missing your voice doll...”- he chuckled and before he continues, he began to rub his hard against my puffy lips, we immediately moan at the feeling of our aching skin- “... my wish was this... your beautiful pussy, shit! i want it so bad, i want it to feel you around me, but we need to be patient isn’t pretty girl?”-

He grunts while he rubbed harder against me, coating him with my juices, both breathing heavily every second, I began to make a circular motion trying to feel him further than what he was doing, but Chris stopped me, he pressed harsh my hips against the bed, on oh his hands on my hip preventing to move and the other playing with my clit and grabbing his cock and slapping my pussy with his hardness, making me moan and letting a puddle under me, he moaned even louder by the pleasant feeling of my greedy cunt, we both were counting the seconds to feel us connected. 

-”yes pretty girl keep going with those pretty noises  you’re  making, i love hearing  you, fuuuu-cckk baby girl  i love how your pretty pussy sounds, so wet for me, she looks so pretty with my cock rubbing her, shhiiiit baby, can’t wait to be inside you..”- i was playing with my tits, my walls were clenching around nothing, his dirty talk excited me, I always do, but this time he was losing control, the veins on his necks stood out from the effort of not burying himself in me, his arms have marked the triple all he screamed a high level of eroticism, we continued like this for several minutes, talking dirty and rubbing our sexes without penetrating, saying what we would do to each other once they want twelve o'clock, his cock shining with my juices looked so appetizing. His painful red tip plaything dangerous at my entrance, but never getting inside.

-”fuuu-cckk Chr-Chrisss! i’m so close, please!”- i cried out loud, a burning feeling inside me screaming to see the light, Chris groan i felt how his cock twicht and i knew he was close too,- “aaaahhhg yeah! mmmmmh yeah pretty girl? are you gonna come for me?, yeah you are, i can't  wait to feel that pretty tight pussy squeezing me and coming around me...”- he rubbed faster-”... come on pretty girl, come for me, i’m right behind you, i’m gonna come so hard, where do you want it baby mmmh?, i think I’m gonna come right here, close to your pussy, yeah! gonna make her look even pretty”- at this point we were both lost, everything was so hot, i scream when I felt his tip rubbing harder my dripping pearl, and just like that let my release come out by the body, I was shaking, Chris didn’t let me close my legs, he rubbed faster and with a loud moan he painted my cunt with his white warm seed.

He let himself fall on me trying not to hurt me, with a spleen he supported the two of them breathing heavily, made a mess, his warm breath on my neck and his moans turned me on even more, I hugged him by the neck. He kept playing with his cock in my pussy and expanding his seed in me, something sounded at the back, the clock updating us by the time and from one moment to the next I felt how he collected his disaster and without warning, he buried himself in me , I felt how he stretched my walls, we let out a cry of pleasure, Chris kissed my neck and said- ”fucking finally, is midnight and we have the entire weekend to fuck as much as we want and there'll be no fucking foreplay, did you get it pretty girl ?, no more funny games ”- i cried and just nodded in response.

------

Ruby’s note 

ammm okay! i need a moment, please don’t touch me, i need a cold shower know. 

Let me know what did you think 

show me your love

say yes to reblog 

love you all

[softer-ua]

in regards to what you pointed out a few posts ago, ngl one of my least favorite fandom things is when they make Kaminari the Har Har Stupid Joking ADHD Bi Playboy Who Is Never Serious Trope. like, he's very smart, 'worst in ___ area of a UA course' is very impressive and I don't remember if it even said that or just that he was studying with some other students, worried about his grades overall, calls himself stupid with implied insecurities about it, and didn't think he was very smart compared to the other people in the course. quirk overuse makes him loopy, incoherent, and think everything's funny. and yeah, he's a bit of a flirt and made a few perverted comments and actions that he clearly didn't think through that well. I'm pretty sure he's not ever stated to be bi in the manga because it was written by a coward, so I think people should think more about why they're associating and pairing together the idea of "hot flirty playboy who if legally able would sleep with everyone he meets" with emphasis or joke in the captions of whatever the content is on him being bi. I don't think this is inherently bad, even put together, but the execution feels kind of :/ and shallow. and I mainly just wish they'd pause to consider if there's any reason (subconscious or intentional) why one of those makes them think about the other, and at the very least lean back to see if they're blatantly making those traits centric around each other and tweak how they're showing them a little. Part of this is also because it's basically his fanon sexuality, but then they stick together "oh he's bi and everyone thinks that" and "he's made flirty or perverted comments and actions in canon at some point" and then mentally exaggerate and have this Canon Image of him as *waves hand at above* and I don't think that's happening consciously in most cases but. again. Cookiecutter Bi Party Playboy Who's Made a Date Offer to Everyone In The Building. not a flirty Person or a Playboy who is bi and flirts with more than one genders

I myself headcanon him as adhd and while the exact sexuality depends on my mood I think of/have him as bi in a lot of my content, but it's the same thing with why non adhd people see how he acts and label "adhd!" Especially about comprehension speed and derpy acting and intelligence and attention span jokes/tropes. Again, not bad in and of itself, but the specific parts of his behavior that make them think he's adhd, or that they start making jokes about or Ha Ha ADHD'ing, or that they think is why we project ADHD on him, (which they aren't necessarily wrong about, but like right in a really disrespectful look at how funny this is oh look squirrel way that's only funny when adhd people are doing it and it isn't all mocking like that) when they see other people calling him adhd, are the wrong ones, I think, and it shows in their characterization of him.

I'm not saying that any of those traits are bad in a character, but as a queer adhd girl with very high annual test scores and Gifted Kid Intelligence but extremely poor grades, focus, and brain damage (admittedly nothing like his, it was a longterm passive thing that mainly just made me have a Lot of Really Bad headaches, and closest thing it did to me was make me sluggish and emotional on bad days and also techincally have the potential kill my language bit if left untreated or the surgery messed up, which it didn't, and it won't be a problem again. but even after explaining that it wasn't cancer or any sort of tumor, and after seeing it do very little at all to affect my behavior outside of irritability and performance, because y'know, constant migraines, gone after the surgery but this was before that, Certain People I Was Vaguely Kind Of Acquaintances With started to treat my like I was a fragile glass thing going to to drop dead and revive myself speaking like a comic relief cartoon crazy person at any moment which was. patronizing.) I've since had surgery for, the way the fandom combines them into stereotypes and portrays them really just rubs me the wrong way- "Flirty Bi(tm) Playboy" "Har Har ADHD Can't Focus Or Get Things After They're Explained To Him, He's Still Confused And An Idiot" "Stupid Person With Brain Damage Who Can't Take Care Of Or Think For Themself And Acts Stupid And Funny For People To Laugh At" which tbh is super ableist even and especially when people irl do fit that description, and also reminds me of the Autistic Person Freaking Out And Being Dramatic sense of humor. And I know it's not helped by canon, because it done for comic relief and to limit his powers, but explored more I think it as a limitation could have been used way more interestingly than canon did and also call me biased but that quirk induced brain frying sounds at least as concerning as Izuku's quirk's backlash.

And it's a shame!! Because he's so much more interesting than that! Instead, the fandom gives me the Cookicutter Funny Bi ADHD Flirt Who's An Idiot and I am sad about it.

tbh it reminds me of what happened to percy jackson, esp with the ADHD Idiot Trope thing. which sucks because apparently it originated in the author making up stories around characters like his adhd and dyslexic kid inspired by Greek myths to tell him after running out of actual myths because it was his special interest and he wanted more. and then the series got kind of all over the place and the fandom processed that the adhd and dyslexic main character who does dumb things sometimes but is very combat smart and great at strategizing and leading gets bad grades and has trouble focusing and has, y'know, adhd, and made him the ADHD Idiot and erased his Gifted Kid girl friend's traits and ADHD and dyslexia into No Nonsense Calls Him an Idiot And Thinks He's Stupid And Has To Tell Him What To Do And Manage His Life For Him and honestly that just kind of sucks and it reminds me of what happened to fandom Kaminari. and now that I think of it people have jirou like that around him a lot too.

im fine with you answering this publicly if you want or have something to add but probably tag as ableism and maybe a biphobia mention content warning for people who don't have the energy to deal with thinking about those kinds of negative things rn because I kind of Went Off About It

I love this! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences 💚(and double thank you for tag suggestions)💚

I couldn’t agree more that a lot of fandom has messed up Kami’s character, which is why I’ve kinda been posting more about him cause he’s just stuck in my head.

I think a lot of fandoms have trouble with characters like this, people have a hard time with duality in characters and fast/fun posts are easier to make if you flatten a character down.

The did it to Kami, they did it to Percy, they did it to Ron Weasley, they do it to Thor, the list goes on. If being the Smart One ™️ isn’t your thing and you can be goofy than you get pigeonholed into the idiot trope.

I feel for Kami a lot(probably because I have adhd/brain damage too)

It sucks when you’re smart but it’s not the traditional, measurable kind of smart(even if by national comparison Kami technically is).

I got terrible grades growing up, and I pretty much got the absolute lowest gpa you can get and still graduate. But absolutely no one would have known if I didn’t tell them, because I’m not dumb.

(It’s okay if you are “dumb”, I love me a head empty just vibes friend. You’re 100% valid, stil worthy of joining discussions, and should be listened to and taken seriously. This just isn’t about that tho)

I joke sometimes that I’m clever and witty but not smart, because that’s exactly what it feels like.

I have lots of thoughts and ideas that I think I articulate pretty well, I am excellent at finding the humor in things and expressing it in a way that’s funny to others too, and there is almost zero problems I can’t find a work around. And the people in my life love it, and they love to use it.

But eventually everyone in my life finds out that I’m not smart. They see the way I have to pause to Google how to calculate a tip, that I don’t know the name of all 50 states or even where to find them on a map, or I legitimately just can not spell (if you ever see a post where it looks like I used a weird word choice it’s probably because I tried 4 times and autocorrect+Google couldn’t help me and voice to text wasn’t an option)

No one ever questions my intelligence until they find out about my adhd and/or catch me struggling with it. After the mask comes off it’s like they can’t even hear me anymore, nothing I say could be true or matter because I’m now just the goofy accident prone spacy girl. My family literally calls me Spacy

And ya know what sometimes I just let people think that because it’s easier, it’s easier than explaining that I’m dyslexic and that I didn’t have a single geography/history clas until 10th grade and shocker the capital of Iowa doesn’t come up much by then. And it’s easier for me to laugh off losing my keys again than dwell on the fact that sometimes it feels like I’m losing my marbles.

And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if after this post I get a lot more “fact checkers” and push back on anything else I post.(not talking about people who want to genuinely engage,y’all are always welcome, I’m talking those people who don’t wanna look it up themselves but no longer trust me to know what I’m talking about)

Kami is a sweet brilliant boy. He’s in a nationally high ranking school, he loves the weather channel, he’s careful about his quirk that could easily hurt his friends in combat, he has a very high emotional intelligence level, he wears dorky shirts with electricity puns on them, and he pays attention to his friends and remembers a lot of little things about them.

He wants to be a hero and he takes that seriously, and the series has tried time and time again to tell y’all that smiling and laughter are an important part of that. Kami excels at this part! So what if his history grades don’t rival the top of the class, the top 5 students would struggle hard to do what Kami does.

Iida can’t relax, Momos rather shy, Todo struggles with social cues, Midoriya is canonically not funny, and jfc where to even begin with Katsuki. I’m certain they’ll all grow up to be excellent heros in their own right, but none of them are going to bring the level of joy and camaraderie that Denki can. You can’t test that into someone.

Kami also just notices people differently and has any easy way of joining in with them, he doesn’t struggle approaching Katsuki or Shinso. Sure he doesn’t hit the the nail on the head the same way Deku does but he’s the only one who has the guts and skills to try. Also he’s not that kinda friend, he’s not looking to a save these guys but pal around with them

I think Kami 100% realizes what a special case and tough nut to crack Bakugo is, I don’t think he’s just careless or too dumb realize his life’s at stake or whatever.

I think he’s purposely testing Bakugos boundaries all while trying to not be a threat to Katsukis actual ego and calling Bakugo out when he needs it in a way that not to serious. Kami knows how to be just goofy enough that he’s approachable. He’s also keyed in that the way to Bakugo is through Deku, meanwhile everyone else is stuck believing the opposite.

Kami also realized how important music is to Jiro and saw an opportunity to let her display her skills and combin the two worlds she lives, and he wasn’t afraid to get some back lash from her for it.

Like Deku Kami isn’t afraid to be uncomfortable. You really can’t teach that level of social ease, you can teach the posture and feed people a couple of lines but it’ll never hit the same. Funny approachable people have spent a lifetime learning the craft, usually out of necessity.

It’s actually what gives me the biggest adhd vibes from him, because adhd is (speculated to be) a dopamine deficiency disorder. People with adhd are constantly trying to raise their dopamine levels, and that means looking for praise and reward and nothing makes the human brain light up faster than postative human connections.

Adhd children struggle a lot with connecting with peers and often find making people laugh a fast way into people’s circles and makes it more likely people will overlook being interrupted or spaced out on.

Also adhd people are pretty much forced by their own brain structures to be genuine in all they do, low dopamine levels make it very hard to do things you don’t enjoy because there no promise of dopamine from the activity and you don’t have enough to spare, plus impulsiveness makes it really hard to not show when you do or don’t enjoy something.

I agree that Kami is also painted as overly perverted at times, he’s a little flirty but in a fun casual way but it’s not the foundation of his personality and it’s really mellowed out over the course of the series.

And while I subscribe to the bi hc from his interactions with Jiro and Shinso, we should all be very mindful that we don’t lump these characteristics together. The are separate facets of his personality that are not dependent on each other in anyway.

Kami deserves all the respect and love, I can’t wait to see our electric king again 🖤⚡️🖤

[wolfsgravity]

I can’t sleep so I’m just thinkin’ about my range of Pokémon romantic F/Os. This series has meant so much to me for so long, and I know F/Os from that source make up a decent portion of my list. I’d feel more embarrassed about it if I didn’t make it abundantly clear that Pokémon is one of the most pervasive influences in my life from an exceedingly young age.

I just. I dunno. I find my collection of Pokémon series F/Os so interesting.

I’m just gonna ramble a bit.

I’m going to talk in Generational order, because my 1am brain couldn’t decipher a more cohesive timeline if it tried.

Giovanni is a funny one. As a kid, his character in the show intimidated me a little. But I really loved Team Rocket on some level. They were my first Pokémon villain organization, and with the Gen III games having Aqua and Magma, I decided pretty early that Team Rocket was my team. I had a stint in Magma since when I was young, I thought I’d specialize in Fire types, but eh it didn’t stick. No team really stuck nearly as much until Team Skull! So I had a lot of time for my intimidation from Giovanni to evolve into a fearful respect, to a mild devotion… by the time I played Let’s Go! and Ultra Moon, I was more than a little excited to see him in game. As in, I would quietly cheer when he appeared on my screen, in some weird giddy manner. It was only a matter of time before I realized I was crushing hard.

Steven Stone (he has a full name so more often than not I use it when referring to him) probably didn’t make the biggest impact on me in the original Gen III games? Hoenn was my favorite region for a while (in part due to pre- “Hoenn confirmed” hype), but he didn’t have a huge role in Ruby/Sapphire. Maybe I noticed him first in Emerald? I wish I could remember my real first inkling of crush on him, because I just remember when I played Omega Ruby… I was already obsessed with him. He showed up for the first time in game and I squealed. I spent the whole game seeking him out and already making romantic passes at him in my around-19-year-old head.

I am counting Grovyle for this, but it bears repeating that my S/I for the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon games is a Pokémon too. Those Mystery Dungeon games enamored me as a teen! I got to BE! A POKEMON!! So I probably got Explorers of Time/Darkness for DS not long after it released in 2008. I was so excited to have Gen IV Pokémon to be and battle and recruit, ugh, this game meant so much to me. I will always remember being part of Wigglytuff’s Guild super fondly. And like, as I am super susceptible to mental role play, putting myself in my characters shoes (or lil toe beans I guess) has always been second nature for me. So a dashing Grovyle just jumped into my silly life and was the most honorable and misunderstood character and I am not even joking when I say I fell for him in my first playthrough. And I’ve played through it a lot. I was always jealous of Celebi. I hate every Dusknoir I see to this day. *chefs kiss* Good game.

Gen V is “oops all F/Os” Gen, where to even start..

Just kidding, N is the obvious choice to start for me. He was love at first sight. He just, ugh, he cares about Pokémon SO MUCH. I literally don’t know how to even expand on this. He literally rode the Ferris Wheel with the player character in the game, and I WASNT supposed to interpret that as a date? Wack. It was a date. I love him so damn much. Next question

Elesa comes next because I’ve always thought she was stunning. I mean, duh I guess, she’s canonically a model. Also, Electric types are in my top 3, behind Fairy and somewhat tied with Fire, so she was a woman after my own heart. Her Emolga kinda wrecked my team and I respect that. Also, she loves puns. So again. Woman after my own heart. The only reason she’s still listed as Crush and not as Dating is because she intimidates me. She’s out of my league and I worry she’d only see me as a friend. Well, not “only”, her and Skyla are bffs and that also looks fun. I just. Can’t imagine her romantically being interested in me sometimes. Heh.

Grimsley was a crush that came on yeeeaaaars after his Gen, and it hit me like a freight train. I swear, he made very little impression on me in B/W, because I was young and I was just excited to possibly see N again as champion. I was a little shit, okay. I also never played B2/W2 all the way through, which is a huge stain on my Pokémon record. Anyways. When he showed up in Sun/Moon, I gasped. I was like, that’s a familiar face. Why is he hot now? (The answer is we was always hot, and I just had a few years to grow between games). But like, I kind of tamped it back down? I think I legit tried to tell myself around Sun/Moon era that I can’t keep finding Pokémon characters hot, because I was drooling over another one in Moon. Anywho. Grimsley kept popping up as fanart on my Tumblr dash for a while and by the time I pulled him in Pokémon Masters, I slipped into love. Whoops.

Professor Sycamore, probably not my proudest moment of fandom. He was another one I liked from the very introduction. I made fun of him in equal measure, but I affectionately referred to him as “Professor Hotdad” for an embarrassingly long amount of time. He’s not even the oldest of my Pokémon F/Os. One of my other Pokémon F/Os is canonically a father. But nope. Sycamore was Hotdad. That all said, he did make me smile like a crush-stricken schoolgirl when he talked in game so it wasn’t all just memey objectification. I do love him dearly.

Gen VII! Alola! Guzma! Oh man, like I’d stated earlier, Team Skull really nestled it’s way close to my heart the way no team had since Team Rocket. It wasn’t all because of Guzma, I really did like the group of ragtag misfits banding together and creating a family. Guzma was icing on the cake. Oh boy, he made my heart do funny little flips even when he was threatening me in game. I loved his design, I loved his character, the way he talked, I just. Ugh, I was down bad for ya boy in Moon and Ultra Moon. He’s actually the inspiration behind my main blog url: its-ya-boi-remington. The “Y’all are stupid!” line and face lives in my head rent free at all times. Guzma protection squad.

(Nanu isn’t a romantic so I won’t talk about him here, just know I’m not forgetting him!)

Leon was, believe it or not, my actual first Gen VIII crush. I saw that fashion disaster and felt a warm comfort from him. It didn’t help that I mentally read every character in Galar with some UK/British Isles accent, that sweetened the deal. I was actually gushing to a couple then-friends about Leon while we all played Sword/Shield together and they kind of mocked me about it. They chided me that Leon “doesn’t bat for my team” and said either of them would have a better chance with him if he were real. So I was a little downtrodden about Leon after that for quite a while. It wasn’t until a couple months ago when suddenly it hit me that A- He’s literally fictional and my version of him can like me regardless of what “team he bats for” and B- I’m nonbinary? So rules get thrown out the window, anyone who likes me is both a miracle and some kind of gay whatever way you spin it. So I let myself warm back up to him, though I’m still a little skittish from before.

Piers, I guess, as awful as it sounds, was initially a crush rebound. Like, don’t get me wrong, I’d have been attracted either way. He’s a musician, a SINGER no less, and has that emo/punk vibe. But he’s also gentle and kind. Swoon. But it helped that I had my crush-feelers out full-force for a cutie in game to obsess over since I was still butthurt about my “friends” killing my crush on Leon. Obsess I did, and continue to do. I could probably snap this man over my knee like firewood he’s so lanky, idk why I put that in here but it’s staying. Piers is the one I most imagine jamming out with on a regular basis, and it makes performing for no one a bit more fun 🥰

I’m finally getting tired, I feel like I’ve been typing this for an hour. I probably have been. Ah geez now I gotta tag all these F/Os lmao. Thanks for letting me ramble.

[korra-the-red-lion]

Unnatural Affairs. Chapter 1: Move In Day.

(Ally)

The first day of university was one of those exciting yet absolutely terrifying things. Luckily, it was just move in day and that gave me a week reprieve before I actually went to my first class. Still, the anxiety of moving away from home was something you couldn’t help, even if you don’t always get along your parents. Being on your own, expected to fend for yourself alone. That made me shiver to my core.

The car bumped along the road as we approached the campus. My dad said something to my mom under his breath, for her ears only. I didn’t mind, too busy focusing on the school buildings coming into view. It wasn’t a massive campus, but that fit me just fine. I grew up in a small town, so a smaller university was the least overwhelming choice for me to pick. I originally got accepted into Chester University, but with a student population of 45,000, I could feel my heart rate increase just reading about it. My dad was disappointed that I didn’t go to Perkins, his alma mater, but it was just so far away and quite frankly, had a reputation as a party school. No, not for me, thank you very much. I liked that Mount Seamus had a small student population (only 3,000) and was close enough to home that I could go back if I needed to (only an hour and half drive).

“Alexandra,” said my mom, looking over her shoulder, “how are you feeling?”

I tore my gaze away from the window. “A little nervous, if I’m being honest. Excited too, but mostly nervous.”

She smiled at me. “Perfectly normal. I think you’ll be great, sweetie.”

I smiled back at her, before returning my eyes back to the window. We were rolling up to the drop off spot for students. My parents would drop me off there and take my things to my room. I was happy for a chance to be away from them for a short time. I loved them, but sometimes they could be a tad bit stifling. It will be nice to be able to explore on my own for awhile before having to do the whole tour with them.

The car bumped to a stop. I undid my seatbelt, breathing slowly through my nose. I could feel my nerves trying to get the better of me. My mom reached around and placed her hand on my shoulder, giving me an encouraging nod. I nodded back to her and opened the door, the warmth of the August air hitting me.

“We’ll drop your stuff off and meet you at the student services building, okay?” said mom.

I nodded, not trusting my voice right now.

Mom reached out the window and kissed my hands, filling me with warmth, calming me down a little. My dad looked over and mumbled out a ‘good luck’ before they drove off. My dad wasn’t a man of many words, and it was having a hard time with me moving out. I just hoped that he’d open up a bit more before we got here, but clearly that wasn’t happening. Still, there was still time.

The sound of music and people cheering drew my attention. They were holding up signs that welcomed the new students, signs pointing people in the right direction, and just general fun vibes coming from that direction. That’s where I needed to be, so that’s where I went.

The music was a little too loud for my liking, but I just dealt with it. I didn’t have to be at this spot for too long. A student spotted me and waved at me to come over. She grinned as I approached, high fiving her friend. She had her hair tied up in a high ponytail. The colours of the school were painted on her cheeks, nearly hiding the smattering of freckles that spread across her nose and maybe her cheeks. Her friend was a bit shorter, with her hair done in a messy bun and wearing matching face paint.

“Hey-o, welcome to MSU, frosh,” said the freckled girl excitedly. “Is this your first time on campus?”

I nodded shyly, trying to not take a step back. The anxiety was trying to overwhelm me again.

“Nice! I’m Lyn, and this is my buddy Loryn!” she indicated the girl next to her. “We’re here to show people around and help out with anything you need for today.”

“If you want it, that is,” added Loryn quickly, maybe noticing my discomfort.

“Yes, totally!” Lyn looked back and forth between us, frowning slightly for a second before grinning again. “This is not mandatory by any means. It’s more like, uh, a more personalized tour? Some people find the whole group thing super overwhelming and shit, so we do this so people can just have some one on ones.”

“I would like that, actually,” I said with a smile. “If you don’t mind showing me around, Lyn, that would be lovely.”

Lyn winked at Loryn before coming around the table. “Hehe, another win for me, Loryn. If you don’t pick it up, cleaning the locker room sure is gonna suck for you.”

“Shut up and just show the poor girl around. Oh, and try not to be too loud, Lyn.”

Lyn rolled her eyes and indicated me to follow her. She was tall, probably around 6ft or something close to that. I didn’t notice it before, because I was distracted by the blue and white painted all over her face, but she had stunning electric blue eyes. The kind that most girls envied. They really popped against the paleness of her skin.

She must have noticed me looking as she turned towards me a little bit more, her eyes searching mine. Her face softened and she said to me, “You must be really nervous, huh?”

“I am, yeah…” I tucked my hair behind my ear. “It’s my first time away from home, from my parents, you know? You dream of moving out and being on your own for so long, but when the day comes, all you want do is go back home and wish you can just live there forever.”

Lyn nodded. “I get that, totally. Hopefully you’ll adjust here quickly, but girl, don’t feel bad about homesickness. Most of us feel it.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I’m Ally, by the way,” I said quickly. It totally slipped my mind to introduce myself earlier, but it occurred to me when she called me ‘girl.’

“Ally, huh? That’s a nice name,” she smiled at me again. “Okidoki, let’s get down to business, shall we? This is here is the main campus, where you’ll find all the classroom buildings and the library. The residence buildings are all located around the main campus, but no building is longer than a 10-minute walk around here. Food hall is over on the east side, over yonder,” she pointed to where I assume the meal hall was located, “so it’s nice depending on which res you’re in. I was in Lukas Hall, which was close to the AC but across from the food hall, so I always had to pack snacks for after practice in case I couldn’t grab something before class.”

“Sorry, but what’s the ‘AC’?” I asked, tilting my head to the side.

“Shit, sorry, you’re new. It’s the Athletic Centre, where I spend most of my days.”

I bite my lip in thought, looking her up and down, trying to guess what sport she played. She was tall and had lean muscle. She was wearing flip flops and track pants, her toes had chipped nail polish on them. She was wearing a university t-shirt, but it gave no indication to which team she was on. She was smirking at me with her arms crossed over her chest, knowing I was trying to guess.

“Okay, um, basketball?” I guessed.

She laughed with a gentle shake of her head. “Nope! I’ll let you guess one more time.”

Damn, okay. She wasn’t too bulky, so I knew basketball was a risky guess. I think volleyball is wrong too. There were no scraps or bruises on her knees and legs to indicate that she played soccer or hockey.

I smiled brightly when it came to me. “Swim team!”

Lyn broke out in a huge grin. “Damn, yeah! How’d you guess?”

“Well, I didn’t notice any bruising on your skin. So, it kind of eliminated contact sports. I did think maybe you did cross country or swimming because of your build. You’re muscular, but it’s not heavy muscle like other sports. It’s the kind of muscle required for endurance. But then I saw your toes…for the most part they look fine. I feel like a runner would have more calluses and swelling down there. Therefore, the logical conclusion had to be swimming,” I explained.

Lyn gave a low whistle and shoved her hands in her pockets. “Well damn, Ally. That was pretty freaking good. You wanna be a PI or something?”

I blushed as I shook my head. “Not really. I just always had a knack for noticing details.”

“Well, that’s a pretty cool knack. I’m shit with details, so there’s no way in hell I could have guessed that just from sizing someone up. Come on, I’ll show ya the rest of the campus and we’ll head over to the meet up spot. I assume your parents are meeting you there?”

I nodded and we were off again. Lyn was honestly not great at explaining where things were, since she would just vaguely point in the direction and tell me the building names, even though I didn’t know much about them. But, she was really nice and friendly. I actually ended up forgetting about how anxious I was about this whole thing and ended up really enjoying the tour. I knew I’d end up doing it with my parents again anyway, so I didn’t mind that this wasn’t the gold standard tour given out by the university coordinators.

Eventually we ended up back to where I met her and Loryn, who was now gone. Maybe she was giving someone else a tour. Lyn directed me to where my parents were waiting for me. My mom was checking her phone, and when our eyes connected, I realized I never took it out once while I was with Lyn. I guiltily pulled it out from my purse and saw that I had three missed texts and a missed called from her. If I was anxious about moving out, my mom was way worse.

Of course, I understood why. Ever since I was a little kid, I noticed things that other people didn’t. At first, my parents chalked it up to youthful imagination but after great grand dad passed away and I told Nana that he wanted to apologize for how he treated her and Betty when they were growing up, my parents came to the conclusion that there was something wrong with me. There isn’t, in the traditional sense. It just seems as if I could connect to the supernatural aspects of this world. It wasn’t normal, and it really upset my dad quite a bit. I tried to make sure I never talked about it once I got old enough to understand how they felt about the situation, but there were times that it slipped. Like at Kat’s 13th birthday bash, which I ended up having a panic attack at because I swore that I saw some sort of demon crawling out of the garden shed. I think my mom just didn’t want me to feel like an outcast again, but university is supposed to be a new beginning, right?

“Sorry, mom. I was talking to someone and just forgot to check my phone,” I said, a wave of shame washing over me.

My mom, a human scanner when it came to people I was with, looked Lyn up and down before nodding slowly, meaning she approved. My dad, however, stared at her for a solid minute of silence. Lyn shifted foot to foot uncomfortably and tugged at her ear.

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked under her breath.

“No, you didn’t. My dad is just very overprotective and tends to do this stupid act to scare people away,” I muttered back.

Finally, my dad clicked his tongue and nodded as well. “I’m glad that you found someone to show you around,” he said slowly.

“Yes, Lyn was very nice to do that,” I said. “The campus is lovely, and it will be nice to have a familiar face to see.” This drew a smile onto Lyn’s freckled face.

“Your daughter is super awesome,” she said to my parents, “but I can’t stick around much longer, unfortunately. Gotta go back and see if there are any other frosh who need my attention, you know?” She spared me a goodbye wink before sauntering back over to her table, where some guy was there instead of Loryn.

I found myself staring over at her before my attention was drawn back to my parents, especially my mom. She had a map of the campus and started asking me where everything was and how close I was to the major buildings (those being meal hall, the library, and the student centre in case I needed campus security for any reason).

I had a feeling this second tour was going to be much longer than the one I just had.

XXX

My parents helped me set everything up in my room. It wasn’t a big space, but that was to be expected. I’m an only child, so the real adjustment is learning how to share the space with another person. She wasn’t here at the moment; she went to supper with her parents. My mom offered to go picked something up so we could eat it here, leaving me alone with dad.

My relationship with my dad was…complicated at best. He was loving and looked out for me, but it was also difficult for him to come to terms with the more… how to say, unnatural aspects of my personality. He grew up as a devout Catholic, so these kinds of things just made him uncomfortable. I remember when I was 9 years old and being told I wasn’t allowed to go over to Chris Parks’ house anymore because his older brother used a Ouija Board during a Halloween party, and my dad was convinced the house was filled with evil spirts since.

So yeah, sometimes it was hard to get along with him. It didn’t matter how many times I explained myself to him, he was always harsh with judgement. It’s not like I woke up one day and asked for this. Trust me, if I had the choice, I’d be much happier living in a world of naivety like the other kids. I’ve had to go to therapy and be prescribed meds to help control my anxiety about seeing dead people and demons. That kind of shit scars you, doesn’t matter what age.

I was humming a tune to a song that helps me stay calm while making sure my poster of Supergirl was straight when I heard my dad clear his throat. Dropping my shoulders in anticipation, I looked over with a frown.

“Yes, dad?”

“Take a seat, I just want to chat before your mom gets back,” he said, patting a spot on my bed next to him.

Wary of what was coming next, I sat with my shoulders curled into towards my body. I fiddled with the arm of my glasses and waited for him to speak. There was no point in rushing him when he got like this.

“Alexandra, I know that growing up, I was harsh with you when it came to…” he waved his hand at me, “…you know. But, it was only for your own good. This here? This is a new chance, a chance to start fresh. No one here knows about your…you know. You can make friends, maybe even get a girlfriend. But baby girl, promise me that you won’t go looking for those kinds of dark things. Promise me you’ll just be ordinary, okay?”

There it was. Ordinary. The word was like a punch to the face every time he said it. I could feel my face grow hot with shame and anger as I got to my feet. “I- dad…you know I hate it when you say it that way…” my voiced cracked as I tried to keep it together.

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad, Alexandra. I just want you to have a good time here and not-”

“What? Not screw up?” I turned away from him, feeling the tears welling up.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“That’s how it sounded to me!”

Dad got to his feet as well and try to put his hand on my shoulder, which I shrugged off, not wanting him to touch me. I hated that he made me feel dirty about this.

“Listen, Alexandra, just…I’m sorry, okay? I just want to know you’ll be safe while you’re here.”

I rolled my eyes and forced myself to take a deep breath. “Okay, whatever dad.”

Whatever dumb thing he was going to say next was interrupted by mom coming in with the food. I quickly wiped at my eyes and forced myself to face them both. My mom’s eyes were red and puffy, clearly from crying in the car. Well, there I go too. I burst into tears and pull my mom into a tight hug, trying to take in her everything. I was ready to get away from home, I swear. But leaving my mom was harder than anything else in the whole world.

There we stood, sobbing onto each other’s shoulders while the food got cold beside us.

XXX

I stood on the corner as my parents drove away, my mom waving to me from the window. I had no more tears to spill, so I stood there in painful, hallow silence. Finally, when the bugs started to get too awful for me to deal with anymore, I made my way back to my residence. MacGavin hall was considered one of the better residences on campus, which is why my parents insisted I stayed there. I wasn’t going to argue with them, since they were paying.

I swiped my student card against the reader and pulled the door open once it beeped green. I made my way back to my room in miserable silence. There was already music blasting from someone’s room, and some of the students were sharing alcohol in the hall. Obviously, the RA was either a party person themselves, or they just didn’t care. To be honest, I didn’t care myself at this time.

I opened my door and saw that my roommate, Sarah I think, was sitting on her bed, headphones in. She rolled over with similar puffy eyes and smiled weakly at me.

“Same boat, huh?”

I nodded with a laugh. “Uh, yeah. That was way harder than I thought it would be.”

“Right?” She sat up, rubbing her face. “I was like, so excited to leave home and be like, independent from them. But then when it like, occurred to me that I wouldn’t be waking up in my house tomorrow… it sorta just like, hit me so hard. I ended up snotting in my salad.”

Okay, that made me genuinely laugh. I sat down on my bed and we ended up sort of just talking through the rest of the night, until we both fell asleep.

Maybe the first day of moving away from home was exciting and the start of a new journey. But those movies and books never talked about how hard it could be to let go. They never talked about the tears and the empty feeling of knowing that you just left everything you knew behind. It never talked about the fear that came with being in an unfamiliar place. As I drifted off, I knew I would be okay, even if it took a few days. But man, did my heart ache.

[neuroticphysiologist]

Alan and the Generator

Jamming session again!

I've been writing this since March and abandoned it for a long time while joining fic challenges. Well here it is, my second Musical Tracy AU fic!

***

"Hey guys, check these out!" Gordon brought a few stuff from the antique store he and Alan have been to.

"You guys went to the antique shop again?" Scott folded his arms.

"His idea, not mine," Alan said. "But we did find some cool stuff!"

Virgil paused his piano playing and turned to see what the two of his brothers bought.

"Ta-da!" Gordon bought a pirate ship steering wheel, made with fine materials.

"Seriously, Gordon?" Virgil said. "What's that for?"

"It's for my collection. I've been looking for this in years."

"You know there are a lot of those in antique shops, right?"

"Not this kind. Can't believe my undersea collection is almost complete!"

"And this is the best one I bought," Alan showed it to his brothers.

"A guitar effect pedal?" Scott guessed.

"A battery powered music genre generator. It also has a sensor. I turn this on, place it to the nearest musical instrument, like Virgil's piano for example," Alan walked to the piano and changed the settings of the generator. "I changed the choice of instrument to piano, then I press this green button and the generator will start shuffling. And in under a minute, the generator will show the next genre."

"Does it determine if the tune is right?" Gordon asked.

"Yes, it can. This one's a genius, Gordo. If it thinks that the tune is right, the green light shows up and the next genre is shown. If the tune is wrong, the bulb will turn red and still, it will show another one."

"I'm still wondering if you two really bought useful items," Scott had a look at Gordon's wheel. "Because I'm not sure if these..."

"Oh come on, Scott," Gordon said. "I've always wanted to buy this pirate ship steering wheel."

"And I was interested with this cool invention," Alan added. "I tried it with a vintage guitar in the shop and it worked. By the way, the guitar I played there was cool. It was a Chet Atkins, Scott. You know how cool it sounds? Man, I wish I bought that one too."

"You know you already have a guitar, right?"

"Yeah. And that guitar's pretty big. So I only bought this generator. We can use it for jamming sessions."

"Looks like Virgil is using it now."

They heard Virgil play the piano, and after thirty seconds, the vibe changed from coffee table jazz to ragtime that can be heard from silent movies. Then in another thirty, Virgil switched to early blues. The three brothers smiled and they gathered round the piano.

"I knew this invention can be useful," Alan said. "You enjoying this, Virg?"

"Looks like this generator wanted me to prove that I can play anything," Virgil replied.

"You can turn off the generator if you like. Or press PASS if you want to skip the genre."

Virgil turned off the generator. "I'm just testing it out, Alan."

"Thanks, Virgil."

"Well, whoever made this invention, I bet he had crazy ideas."

"Alan, why don't you bring out your Kramer 84 to test this thing out?" Scott said.

"Sure thing!" Alan rushed to his room.

Gordon picked up the steering wheel he bought. Virgil was still on the piano stool, glancing at his big brother. "Hey, Scott..."

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you bring yours out too? I know you often play with Alan just to teach him a few techniques, but I really want to see you with your guitar."

"Oh yeah," Gordon agreed. "Bring yours out too, Scooter!"

But Scott refused. "Ah, don't convince me, Gords. Not this time."

"Come on!"

"What about you? You play too."

"But you play better! And plus, if Alan's gonna bring out his cool electric one, I'm gonna lose. I don't have one."

"Have you ever considered buying one?" Virgil just got up from the piano stool.

"I never thought of buying one for myself before. When I saw Alan playing that big guitar in the store, that's where I thought of getting my own."

"If you like blues, you can get a blues one," Scott suggested.

"I like something for beach vibes, bro."

Virgil sat on the couch. "Hey Gordo, you remember Scott's story about being the coolest guitar player in his small band in high school?"

"Wait, what?"

"That was only for a short stint, Virg," Scott explained. "I gave that up when I joined the football team. Also, our lead singer sucked and the band wanted me to sing so, that's another reason why I gave up."

"Man... Scott was in a band? That's something I don't know."

"I think I told you that story, Gordon," Virgil said.

"Bro, what I know is that Alan was in a band for a short time in his high school. It was only for a project, he told me," then he referred to Scott. "But still, I want to see you play, bro."

Scott sighed. "Fine, as you requested, Gordon."

He headed to his room and picked up a guitar case under his bed. It's his old 64 Fender Strat that he bought back in college. It was after he sold his black Explorer just to buy it. It may look a bit beaten up, with the tremolo a bit loose and the dusty strings and headstock, but the sound stays the same.

He picked up his amp and cable and headed back to the lounge. Alan has already set up his equipment. "Yay, finally! Scott's gonna play!"

While Scott was setting up his equipment, Alan changed the settings of the generator. Then they adjusted their tones to make their guitars sound the same. Alan agreed to the choice that they'll go for drop D, since it's Scott's standard tuning, and drop D sounds awesome.

"You first, Alan."

Each of them had different genres to play. A few were skipped because they wanted to. Alan has improved his skills. One of them is plucking since he's a sloppy player. Well, for quite a bit. Scott's a sloppy player too, but at times, he played well. Another one is that Alan knows how to play more than one genre with a single instrument. Challenge was accepted.

The guitar was the second instrument he learned, his first was the drums. He owns an electric drumset and he can plug his headphones to practice since it can bother everyone in the whole villa. He never tried to upgrade his room into a soundproof one for various reasons.

If the Tracy brothers were to be in a band, Alan would be the drummer, Scott and Gordon would be the guitar players, Gordon being the rhythm guy. Virgil, of course, would be the pianist, and John would probably be the bass player, or a woodwind player if they wanted to play the blues, and either Scott or Gordon would play the bass. If John doesn't want to play, then their roles would change. What's left is a singer. Well, all of them can sing, they can take turns, but it's up to them to decide who takes the spot if ever.

Okay, going back.

They went from blues to punk rock to grunge to hard rock to heavy metal. Scott showed off with a little bit of the tapping technique, something that Alan has to learn more about. They also played riffs from popular bands the generator suggested. Virgil and Gordon were enjoying the challenge they're watching, even MAX, who's still doing the chores, but stopped to join the fun. Scott and Alan have played five genres for each. Then later, the generator showed that the next is to play sleaze rock, and it was Alan's turn. He paused for a while, thinking of what to play. He started playing a small riff, then Scott takes the challenge.

"You're too young for sleaze, Alan."

He played a really good sleazy riff with some of the moves he showed. Gordon was completely surprised at the riff his brother just played. It's like something that can be played in the clubs.

Okay, Scott was great. Alan felt like he was about to give up the challenge. He turned off the generator.

"Alright, alright, you win, Scott. As always. So much for playing a sleazy riff."

"Aw don't worry about that, little bro. We're having fun."

"How did I do?"

"I'd say, you really improved your playing. You were awesome."

Alan smiled. "Gee, thanks. By the way, can you teach me how to do the tapping technique?"

"Of course I'll teach you. So, one more song?"

"FAB."

They played another song and the rest were having fun watching them play together. Even Gordon started to sing along. Minutes later, the rest of the family came to join in. The Tracy brothers took turns to play their instruments and the rest, they were just jamming along.

Alan felt satisfied about what he bought. Gordon was too, even though it was only for display and his brothers were scratching their heads, still not sure of the use. Well that's Gordon. He brought the wheel to his room and placed it near the treasure box.

He went back to lounge to join in the jamming session.

[beandraws]

10 questions tag!!

Rules: answer the ten questions, write your own, and then tag 10 people.

Tagged by @loser-dot-com and @jongin-be-my-jagi thank you guys!! I’m just gonna do one set and then the other and then my own so I don’t have to make two posts :)

Loser-dot-com

1) If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be like?

I think it’d be mostly soft chill songs like songs from sleeping at last, or cinnamon girl by Lana del ray, but also some songs that are more upbeat and make you feel free like electric love by børns

2) what is something you’d tell your younger self?

Don’t ever cut your hair, wash your face when your dad says to, don’t bother with that guy who says he loves you (he doesn’t he sucks), don’t straighten your hair curly hair is beautiful.

3) have you ever written a love letter and if so who was it to?

I don’t think I have :/

4) what do you consider your aesthetic to be?

Soft calm vibes, but also ones that radiate happiness but not in a loud way, more of a chill happiness that you feel deep inside

5) what’s your favorite type of dessert and why?

Ice cream or Mochi just because ice cream is delicious

6) if you were a mythical/ fantastical creature what would you be and what would you look like?

Being a mermaid has always sounded beautiful to me but I’m afraid of the ocean at the same time so not that lol. Maybe just a wood elf like the ones from lord of the rings. Having my long hair and being in a simple dark green dress that brushes through the leaves I step through sounds peaceful.

7) what is one skill you want to learn?

I want to learn to cook more recipes.

8) what’s the weirdest dream you remember having?

I have so many, walking through a huge castle and finding a book of people who could be murderers or be murdered, my friend and her dog dancing on a table in a dungeon, or post Malone trying to kill me by kicking a soccer ball at me while he was outside and I was watching from my window.

9) do you have a good luck charm? What is it?

I don’t think so🤷‍♀️ just not being anxious probably helps

10) describe someone you love and why you love them.

I love my grandma who lives on a farm so much. She’s always loved to travel even if it’s just to the restaurant down town. She has always had such a love for books and she always shares Facebook games with me. She can also laugh with us and she taught me every card game I know. She taught me how to drive their cart and I’ve had so many memories at their farm exploring the barns with her.

Jongin-be-my-jagi

1) what is your idea of a perfect day?

Waking up well rested and feeling motivated to get up and make breakfast. Being able to rest when I want to and being able to clean up a bit when I want. Maybe going hiking and getting to step through creeks. Sitting in the sun and listening to music and then going to bed comfortable.

2) do you have a type?

I’m not sure. I like longer hair but not like to the chin or anything just plz not buzzed. In my head I like more brunette but sometimes blondes get me too, brown, blue, green eyes whatever. I’m always attracted to freckles and people who have a kind look in their eyes like you can just tell. I think I’d prefer shy guys but they are more comfortable when around friends. Cuddly. Very sweet and can make me laugh. They’d want to help me do things and not just watch while I do it alone.

3) is there anything you wouldn’t do for any amount of money?

Lots of things, hurt someone, eat something weird, do something I don’t want to or I’m not comfortable doing, etc

4) what makes you feel most alive?

When it’s sunny outside but there’s that cool breeze that makes you just shut your eyes and listen to everything around you.

5) if there was a movie about your life is there a certain director you’d like to oversee the project and who? What genre and mood would the movie have?

No specific director, just a good one. I’d want it to be a happy movie in the end but it’ll of course have ups and downs. I’d want it to be a feel good, rom-com thing Idek, just happy.

6) what is something valuable you’ve learned in your life that you want to pass on to others?

Once a guy is dumb he’s not all of a sudden different just cause he says so. Don’t hide who you are because you don’t think others would like it. Having no friends at one point does not mean there’s anything wrong with you and it doesn’t mean you won’t ever have friends. One bad person doesn’t mean everyone is bad.

7) who is your ultimate bias? If you met him or her in real life, what kind of relationship would you two have?

Kim Jongin - exo. I feel like if I met him I’d just want to tell him he’s amazing and I’d tell him he shouldn’t feel self conscious of himself because he’s beautiful and he makes so many happy. If life was different and we were friends I feel like we’d just be very chill friends, like we always have good times but not the type to party and go out.

8) is there a song that captures your mood recently? What is it?

Idk if it captures my mood but I always feel good and I connect when I listen to electric love by børn

9) what are three books that are important to you?

Little house on the prairie, Harry Potter, and the edge chronicles.

10) if you could meet anyone in the whole world, who would it be, and what would you do with them?

This question is always hard because I never really think about meeting people. I always admire actors and actresses and idols and singers but I never think about meeting them. I always watch from a distance. But ig Kai again, I would just want to spend a day where he showed me around Korea and showed me what he liked to do🤷‍♀️.

My questions:

If you could look into your future would you?

Is there something in your life you wish you could go back and change?

What’s a show or movie that you loved as a child and why?

If you could choose a last meal what would it be? (Absolutely anything)

If you could have any pet would would you choose?

Would you change your name and to what?

What Disney character do you relate to the most and why?

Where do you wish to travel?

What is the dream you have for your life?

Would you ever wish to be famous? Why or why not?

And I’ll tag anyone who wants to do this ( just tag me💕) thank you again for tagging me!!

[taeguboi]

“Would You Rather...?” Drabble 06 - Reader x Yoongi [Suga] (Angst / Smut)

Would you rather fight with Yoongi a lot only to have the greatest makeup sex or have sweet sensual sex with Jungkook only once a week (or less) cuz he’s so busy?

This is a lot angstier than a situation I’d actually choose and is faster paced than what I usually write since I tried my hardest to make it a short piece [it’s still like 2.5k words though lmao] so I’m sorry if it loses the vibe because in one paragraph something’s just starting and in the next it’s already done hahhahaha

My new fic masterlist is here (I will no longer be updating the old one)

One last note: I remembered the ‘keep reading’ link this time to not take up your feeds - sorry for before

Send me BTS “Would You Rather…?” questions in my ask box for a drabble

*******

“Say You Love Me”

An aura of suspense filled the room as you were alone with your ex boyfriend for the first time since you two had broken up. It was so bitter towards the end when the two of you were slamming doors and raising voices. It was only a few weeks ago since the two of you mutually decided to break things off in the midst of both your frustrations and anger towards each other.

But now he is standing here in front of you, it feels just like yesterday. Any hint of progress you made in moving on, vanished. Any rational thoughts about what went wrong, faded. Any moments you were convinced you don’t need him, forgotten about.

You only came back to the old house this evening to collect a few things after realising you left a few important documents here. It was just your luck that at the exact same time you had decided to make a visit, so had he. Who is he? Yoongi Min.

“What are you doing here?” you huffed at the sight of him entering the poorly lit living room just moments ago. It seems the electric had been cut off already probably from not paying the bill. 

“Hello to you too” Yoongi had retorted.

“Look I’m just here to get a few papers and then I’m outta here so I’d appreciate it if you could just give me my space” you instructed, fumbling about in drawers for what you needed.

“Now why doesn’t that surprise me?” he sighed and although you weren’t looking at him at that time, you could actually hear him folding his arms.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Never mind. What’s the point? We’ve been here already” he grunted.

“You’re right, I think I do know what you mean” 

“Yeah, but did you really y/n?” he questioned, voice raising. “Because from what I could tell, I was about to give you my fucking everything and you threw it all back in my face because, and I quote ‘too intense’!”

Things had escalated super fast as he was full on yelling at you once again, just like in the argument that broke you two up.

“Well excuse me for wanting some me time!” you protested, finally finding the sheets of paper you were looking for. 

“You call that ‘me time’? Constantly pushing me away whenever I showed you any affection? Dismissing the things I would say about how much I loved you?” he blared in frustration before toning it down again. “You broke me y/n. What else was I supposed to think when all you did was…”

“And you should have trusted me!” you interrupted. 

“And I trusted you! I trusted you so fucking much! You pushed me to breaking point though!”

“Just because I didn’t want to spend everyday with you didn’t mean I stopped loving you” you muttered.

“Sorry, what was that?” Yoongi asked in shock. It made your heart sink too.

Love. It was a feeling you were too scared to ever admit. Your heart felt irreparable after the hurt a previous relationship brought you a long time ago. You were frightened when you realised you’d fallen hopelessly in love with Yoongi, but you went for it when he expressed that he wanted to be more than your friend. Yet you couldn’t ever find it in you to tell him you loved him. That you still do.

“I said…” you stammered, unable to repeat yourself.

“You used the word ‘love’” he said, eyebrows furrowed and mouth open in disbelief. “You never said that to me before”

Tears involuntarily escaped your eyes and you let out a sniffle. You put down the stupid papers and you could hear Yoongi take a step closer to you as you tried to dry your eyes, bringing you to this point right now.

“I really did love you Yoongs” you admit, the delayed expression of emotion pouring out. “I was scared, I…”

“...should have told me you were scared, y/n. We were supposed to be able to tell each other everything and anything”

“It’s not always that easy” you remind him.

“It’s not too late either” he adds on, watching you take a seat on the sofa, head in your hands.

He walks over to sit next to you, hand on your shoulder to comfort you. You look up at him, face to face for the first time in what feels like years. Perfectly perfect. His face so handsome and his heart so kind. You hate yourself for hiding from your feelings to the extent that you lost him.

You’re looking into each other’s eyes, reading everything both of you are unable to say. Hurt. Regret. But also love that hasn’t gone, not yet.

It’s almost uncontrollable, your urge to feel his lips pressed against yours once again and before you know it, your head is tilting slightly to one side.

Despite the circumstances, this is the best kiss you’ve ever experienced because of how much you missed Yoongi. You want more and it seems so does he as he kisses you back, leading to a string of passionate, heartfelt kisses.

It only feels natural that your hands begin to explore him, that you get to touch his body again, You stroke a hand down his chest and to his leg. Your hand rests on his leg as you continue with just kissing. You might have gone too far however when you allow for your hand to trail up a little and towards his crotch because he pulls away.

“Y/n I-I-I don’t want to take advantage. You’re vulnerable” he tells you, his breathing heavy from the intensity of the situation.

“I promise I’ll talk, for real… I will, I just… I need this” you tell him desperate for his touch, a sudden rush of lust and desire overcoming you. “I need you Yoongi”

“I need you to tell me you love me” he asks of you, longingly, his hand on your still teary cheek.

You kiss his lips again “I love you” you tell him, followed by a kiss on his cheek. “I love you so fucking much” you continue followed by a kiss on his neck which causes him to groan a little and stroke your hair and in return, you hand starts to stroke along his leg once more.

“I love you too, y/n” he pants with a gulp, adam’s apple bobbing up and down.

“I missed you” you tear up looking back at his face and he cups yours. 

“Show me how much you missed me” he demands though his wishes are unclear.

“Anything” you reply.

“Let’s go upstairs” he smiles lovingly, standing up and bringing you up with him. He leads you upstairs and into the old bedroom you once shared.

Before you even reach the bed itself, you’re passionately making out, exploring each other’s bodies, lightly undressing each other as his jacket comes off and his shirt unbuttoned and you kick your shoes off.

“Tell me what you missed about me” he instructs as the two of you sit on the edge of the bed, continuing to make out.

“The way you make me feel” you pant, followed by a couple of kisses. “Your eyes, your smile” you continue to list, allowing Yoongi to kiss your neck, wet sounds resounding deliciously into your ear. “Your kind heart… I was so dumb”

He grabs one of your slightly shaky hands and you get to feel his semi-erect cock through his trousers. “How much did you miss this?” he asks menacingly, purring into your ear.

“So fucking much” you admit.

“I bet you missed this the most, didn’t you?” he challenges.

“No” is all you can utter, chest starting to heave as he places a hand on your trousers, teasing at you increasingly throbbing womanhood.

Yoongi eases you backward so that you’re laying on the bed underneath him as he goes on all fours at your side to hover above you.

“Did you… did you see anyone else while we were apart?” he asks.

“No one” you truthfully tell him. 

“Good” he smirks. “Promise me you’re mine” he requests.

“I’m all yours Yoongi” you tell him, providing him with the reassurance he clearly seeks.

Your trousers are tugged at and pulled off in an instant as he swiftly whips them off you to your surprise.

“And this pussy is all mine too then, yeah?”

“Always baby”

Yoongi pushes your pants to one side, desperate to devour you. “I love it when you call me that” he coos, tongue then teasing at your clit.

“Oh, Yoongi!” you exhale in delight even though he’s barely started.

Contrastingly to the kitten licks he just gave you, he presses his tongue flat against you. Sighs of pleasure escape your breath to which he hums contentedly which buzzes pleasurably on your sensitive area.

“So fucking good” you praise as he brings you close to climax.

“Oh, baby” he exclaims, voice vibrating at your clit once more. Yoongi always did love it when you said out loud how good he is in the bedroom. He loves to hear you say his name. He loves to know he’s doing a good job.

“I-I’m close” you moan as his tongue picks up speed with the circles he’s drawing.

At the very last moment, he adds in a finger which slides in with such ease because of your wetness for him. He increases it to two fingers after just a few thrusts and you see stars as he helps you reach orgasm.

“Yoongi! Fuck!” you exclaim at your very peak of pleasure.

“That’s right; say my name” he commands, riding out your high with just his fingers.

“Yoongi… I have to taste you” you state, arousal still high.

“Where did you wanna taste baby?” he teases, fully well knowing the answer to that question.

“Your trousers” you reply, sitting up. “Take them off”

He does exactly as he is told and gets off the bed to unzip and lose the trousers as you climb off the bed.

“Sit in that chair baby” you tell him. “Let me treat you now” you smirk as you watch him sit and then you fall to your knees met by the sight of the bulge that is aching to be freed from his boxers.

You don’t take the boxers off fully; instead you pull them down only enough to reveal what’s underneath.

Yoongi always did have a beautiful cock. It angles a little to his right and his head is a gorgeous, delectable shade of pink. You hold it firmly, precum dripping out onto the back of your hand and you begin to pump up and down slowly, almost painfully slowly.

“Ahhh, don’t tease me babe” he commands, a hand running through your hair. “Let me fuck that pretty little face of yours”

With a few more teasing pumps and licks, you give in, taking him in almost whole the first time he’s in your mouth and Yoongi could swear this is the best your mouth has ever worked on him as he watches your head go up and down. He can’t help but guide your head down to take him in just a little further, hungry for more and it really hits the spot.

“Mmm….” he hums deliciously, pleasure continuing to stir inside of him. “Oh shit, baby, you’re gonna have to stop, I’m too close. We both know I have to be in you”

You lift your head up for a final time, a small pop sound happening as your mouth leaves his aching cock.

As if you read each other’s minds, the shirts finally come off and are slung onto the floor and all underwear is discarded.

You’re back on the bed on your back with Yoongi on top kissing you like there’s no tomorrow. You’re exploring each other’s bodies as if it’s your first time doing this together and you each just have to take in every little detail of one another.

You roll Yoongi over so that you’re on top and guide him backwards to sit up. You straddle him, your wetness pressing against his dick and even this humping brings immense pleasure to the both of you as you sigh into each other’s mouths.

You remember how much Yoongi enjoyed the faces you made for him when he made you feel good, so you’re sure to let him see you biting your lip, eyes closed.

“Fuck baby, I’m not gonna last much longer like this” he tells you, fingers gripping tightly into the skin of your hips as you continue to grind on him.

You transition from grinding on him to allowing him inside you as you guide his cock to go inside you. Moans of pleasure erupt from both of your throats as he enters you. Your arms are now around his neck. He’s looking up at you with loose lips and a relaxed gaze, occasionally staring down at your breasts which bounce up and down as the rest of you does.

Looking into each other’s eyes means everything right now. The eye contact only enhances the feelings of pleasure and raw emotion. You bounce and you bounce on that dick until you feel weak, almost too weak to keep the pace going but Yoongi assists by thrusting deep into you, his hips now going up and down.

“Gonna come” you utter, deeply in pleasure.

“Tell me you love me” he demands.

“I-I-I” you stammer, just seconds away from climax. “Oh my god! I love you Yoongi! I love you, I love you, I love you!”

Your string of proclamations of love seem to really hit the spot for both of you. Tears stream from your eyes both in pleasure and emotion for Yoongi and you appear to simultaneously come for each other.

“I love you too y/n!” he groans as you feel his hot see ejecting into you whilst you also reach orgasm.

You both ride it out just a little longer so that you both can finish until you pull out and collapse onto him. He strokes your hair lovingly and catches his breath before speaking again.

“All that stuff you said; was it for real?” he asks.

Your heart sinks a little at how insecure you’ve made him just because of your own past trauma.

“It was Yoongi. I can’t believe I lost you just because I couldn’t swallow my pride and open up” you sigh, appreciating the feeling of being able to rest your head on his chest.

“I don’t want to push you into doing anything you’re uncomfortable with though, just to let you know” he assures.

“I know, I know… in the morning, I want to do this properly. We’ll talk, like two civilised adults should… That is, if you’ll listen or even consider having me back” you sigh, drawing circles on his bare chest with a finger.

“One step at a time, yeah?” he sighs back.

“Yeah” you agree, yawning afterward.

“You sound tired and it is getting late. Let’s sleep on it and we’ll talk over coffee and breakfast” he suggests, humming in a lazy way.

“I’m sorry Yoongi. For all of this” you apologise.

“I’m just glad to be here with you.”

“Me too”

[jefferyryanlong]

Fresh Listen - The Squids, The Squids (Bankshots Music, Inc. and Oto-Songs, Inc., 1981) and Duganopacalypse Now (A Fan Compilation, circa 1981)

(Some pieces of recorded music operate more like organisms than records. They live, they breathe, they reproduce. Fresh Listen is a periodic review of recently and not-so-recently released albums that crawl among us like radioactive spiders, gifting us with superpowers from their stingers.)

The first band I ever loved was the Beatles, and John Lennon was dead years before I had any idea of who they were. It wasn’t until Kurt Cobain died that I had any interest in Nirvana--I recall an eighth grade classmate looking at mw with contempt after I told them I was unfamiliar with their music, when “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was already an MTV hit. The chemical composition of my brain was dissolved and reconstituted over the course of two weeks when, at twelve years old, I watched One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and Cool Hand Luke on late-night television, but both films were about twenty years old by then. I just heard of Herbie Hancock’s V.S.O.P. album, featuring Freddie Hubbard, Wayne Shorter, Ron Carter, and Tony Williams, about two weeks ago. I’m 42 years old now and I’ve only just come to realize how cutting and prescient Claude McKay’s novel Banjo is. 

All this to say that I wish I’d been around when Honolulu’s The Squids were playing around town. (Much thanks to Roger and Leimomi from Aloha Got Soul for pointing me in the right direction.) The Squids were so odd and varied, a New Wave outfit with the muscularity and venom of the truest punk rock, able to invoke the B-52′s in the same gig as Talking Heads or the Ventures or the Specials, all with the same veracity, but much weirder and crueler. They married a sunny, breezy synth sound with an aesthetic that I can only describe as joyously psychopathic, spraying smart-ass malice on the unfortunate subjects of their songs.

Though the band only officially released a 7-inch EP in 1981 (currently unavailable on Amazon) Comrade Motopu, the mysterious archivist who, through digitized vinyl and cassette tapes, as well as donated photos, scanned liner notes, flyers and news releases, has painstakingly agglomerated Hawai‘i rock music and associated miscellany on a magnificent pre-Y2K looking website, has not only shared the Squids’ EP (featuring “Tourist Riot,” “‘Love Theme’ From Surfer Boy,” “In,” and “Rio”), but what is also listed as Duganopacalypse,  a fan compilation with even more twisted tunes: “Medicine,” “Sexy,” “Head in the Sand,” the ska-soaked “New Girl in Town,” their partially awful, mostly spectacular “Cool Clear Water,” and “Pretty Vacant (with Dugan),” the Never Mind the Bullocks classic with a seemingly hated fan on the inarticulate vocals. I only pray that Comrade Motopu continues documenting this underhand era of Pacific rock music of the late Seventies to early Nineties--the site is a treasure, and more words about the bands highlighted on comrademotopu.com (the Vacuum and Yahweh’s Mistake, for instance) will be coming soon.

The Squids began as a concept by guitarist Beano Shots in 1979, later to take shape as a full-fledged human/cephalopod music group with members Kit and Gerry Ebersbach, Dave Trubitt, and Frank Orall. Those of us who sweatily flailed our way through a booze-and-drug bender on the strobe-lit (at least, as it appeared then) dance floor of the Wave Waikiki between the hours of 2 AM and 4 AM when all the other bars closed down would be surprised to learn that the now-demolished former nightclub, a hub for the scraped-out, after-hours husks operated by the residual combustion of chemicals in their blacked-out reptilian brains, once hosted the edgy Squids as the house band, presumably when the going-out crowd still had an affinity for fun, strong music, and did not simply seek to propel themselves upon the the mechanized beats and soulless zombie tracks initiated by a faceless button masher, in hopes that they would be manipulated, by the end of the night, into some loveless fuck with a nobody. 

Of the Squids’ stage show, we have but one recorded example of the band live in concert: a faithful interpretation of the Sex Pistols’ “Pretty Vacant,” in which the players serve as back-up band for a loyal heckler known only as “Dugan.” Having taken (jokingly) enough shit from Dugan, the band harasses him into sing-shouting the song. The performance captures the “fuck you” sentiment of “Pretty Vacant” with a primitive abandon that almost makes the original seem like a Monkees’ tune. It also portrays a punk rock scene less enlightened to the diverse lifestyles it later engendered, when “dick sucking” was applied exclusively as a pejorative.

The same pissed-off adrenalin leads off the the 1981 EP in “Tourist Riot,” an apocalyptic narrative of that species of traveler compelled to hammer a new experience into a predetermined mold that will establish an appropriate backdrop to their social media posts. The tourists here burn hotels and smash out windows when their expectations aren’t suitably met--a bad vacation in which they are pushed around and mistreated leads the tourists to murder and mayhem.

“Tourist Riot” lays out the Squids’ music aspirations right away, especially in the interplay between Beano Shots’s electric guitar and Kit Ebersbach’s keyboards, which morph from forbidding electronic warning tones to psychedelic ghost notes to the replicated sirens of a city on fire, collateral damage in a war between locals and tourists. Following a surprisingly effective bridge that concludes with a shouted “Fuck it, I’m going to New York City!” is an atonal guitar solo reminiscent of Nels Cline asleep at the wheel, redeemed by a more fluid keyboard exploration.

When Jimi Hendrix claimed that “you’ll never hear surf music again” in 1967, he was, through the example of his own transcendent playing on “Third Stone from the Sun,” burying the corpse of that elementary, improvisationally unimaginative rock instrumental with the axe with which he had slew it. To that end, after hearing Jimi Hendrix and all the musical manifestations that took shape from his cosmic residue, it is sometimes hard to take surf music seriously. “‘ Love Theme’ from Surf Boy” comes across as the Squids’ winking parody of the genre, with its reverb, its whammy, its overall melancholy, and its simplicity. That said, there is some sophistication in the song’s structure, as if the wordless tune was more an exercise in technique, an attempt to take stock creatively before reaching out to a farther and stranger place.

On “In,” the guitars and keyboards snarl rabidly toward the same explosive destination, barely kept in check by the talents of the players. Lyrically minimalist, the song’s non-sequiturs slice through the instruments like assembled cut-up style by William S. Burroughs. “Are you losing sense of humor, could be Jesus was only kidding” followed by “are you losing sense of humor, could be Jesus was just a salesman.” These pieces of thoughts unfinished resonate in my head like something close to catchy--to what end, I don’t know. Where the keyboards overmatched the guitars on “Tourist Riot,” on “In” the guitar is locked in and dirty, climaxing in repetitive harmony between the instruments to close out the song.

When I first read the track listing to the 1981 EP, I thought the final song “Rio” would be a rough rendering of the hit video single by near-contemporaries Duran Duran (whose synth-guitar arrangements, though undoubtedly smoother, find relation in the Squids’ overall aesthetic). Instead, “Rio” is an acid commentary on the American Capitalist, represented as a white suit soaked in sweat, and his compulsion to foster vice and iniquity to exotic locales.

I’m not sure whether the fan compilation Duganopacalypse, also available for listening through the Comrade Motopu website, was recorded before, after, or  during the sessions of the 1981 EP. A few tracks lead me to believe that the songwriting and arrangements are from a wiser, more sophisticated band, while other songs seem so apelike in their imitations as to come through as pointless satires, or maybe the explorations of a band trying to find its identity.

In “Medicine,” for instance, the Squids operate under an overpowering B-52′s filter that washes out their uniqueness. Whereas on previous tracks this influence existed only at the fringes of their sound, the singer on “Medicine” channels Fred Schneider on the verse and switches to David Bowie during the bridge. The role-play, though, doesn’t kill the the more interesting aspects of “Medicine”--its guitar lick is inventive and so wormy as to be slightly irritating, and the song’s themes, that one must willingly imbibe “the medicine” to accept the hypocrisies of this “downer world,” resound strongly to anyone who casts their eyes around a crowded room.  

Where the B-52′s references go deep in “Medicine,” Talking Heads emerge in “Sexy,” from David Byrne’s vocal tics to the subtle and swampy “Take Me to the River” vibe. It goes beyond straight homage to cover band territory, but it does emphasize the band’s technical ability to lock into a groove. “New Girl in Town” is a heaping serving of not-completely-warmed-up ska leftovers, a bit misogynist (of its time, but still). “Head in the Sand,” regrettably, could have been the Squids’ crossover pop hit. I say “regrettably” because, even though the song has a point--that the ability of humans to maintain a semblance of happiness is to carefully cultivate the warm fuzz of obliviousness, sacrificing will to fate in the belief that nothing we could do to change anything would matter anyway--the effort seems more calculated than organic, a plastic approximation of the closest this band, given their specific set of skills, could get to a pop crossover hit. The work put into it seems to drain away at some of the dirty magic. It‘s self-conscious in a way that the other songs aren’t.

Finally we have “Cool Clear Water,” what would have been the band’s masterpiece if they’d spent a little more time recording a decent take (the version on the Duganopacalypse almost sounds live, though it could have been laid down in a rehearsal space). This is not the country classic performed by Marty Robbins and Johnny Cash. The Squids’ “Cool Clear Water” is the frightening confession of a soldier recently returned from the war in Vietnam, directed by an angel spirit to mass murder with a shotgun from a tower in town. When the killer is set to be executed, the angel spirit comforts him, tells him his spirit will be redeemed in heaven for “setting the people free.” The unnerving subject matter of “Cool Clear Water” is given sinister shape by the relentless horror-notes of Kit Ebersbach’s organ, the guitar holding down the song’s march toward inevitable nothingness because the bass (normally played with elan by Gerry Ebersbach) is a complete mess (I’m not sure if she hadn't learned the song or if she just showed up at the gig drunk).

As Marc Maron frequently says on his podcast, “there’s no late to the party” anymore, given the the amount of content available to all of us via the digital consciousness that we are now more plugged into than not. But I’ve waited all my life to lose myself in something vital, of the moment, with my eyes and ears and heart present while the thing is taking shape, at its most temporal. I feel that way listening to the Squids. I wish I could have seen them at one of their Wave gigs. I wish I could have had a beer with them afterward, and gushed in the embarrassing way I do about things I love.

[twopedalpushers]

Travel update #3

Cartagena to Medellín

We have made it to Medellín! When I first got off the boat and took my first (wobbly) steps on Colombian soil I had no idea how incredibly vibrant, beautiful and challenging the road ahead would be... after 36 hours of non-stop travelling at sea, Cartagena was an overload to our senses.

Cartagena is an old Spanish colonial city full of cobbled streets, balconies decorated with huge bougainvilleas, graffiti, brightly coloured buildings and lots and lots of street performers (with varying degrees of talent). After the soulless, American style cities in Panama, Cartagena felt like a breath of fresh air. We ended up spending a week in Cartagena, exploring the city and getting some of the components swapped on our bikes to make the road ahead easier.

After the longest break from the saddle so far, we finally continued our journey. We cycled a few hundred kilometres from Cartagena to a town called Coveñas where Max convinced me to get my PADI scuba diving license. I had only done snorkeling before so the sensation of breathing underwater was peculiar. Diving in the Caribbean Sea was blissful, there was no need for a wetsuit as the ocean temperature averaged 30°C. The corals were still vibrant and full of tropical fish despite rising sea temperatures. We went out to some islands off the coast of Colombia to dive and got to visit the most populated island on Earth - Santa Cruz del Islote. Unfortunately the majority of the island is in poverty and the foundations are literally built from rubbish.

After I got my diving license we decided to cycle everyday in order to get to Medellín - the half way point in our journey through Colombia. Cycling in Colombia is divine. There is music everywhere, blasting out from little tiendas (shops) on the side of the road or from peoples houses. One sound system merges into another while we cycle along; in Colombia it’s a constant party. Out of Coveñas, roads around the coast were fairly flat enabling us to do 100km a day. We were fuelled by incredible Tinto’s (espresso’s) from little old ladies at fruit stands along the road - it’s the best coffee you will ever have for only 10p!

Anything goes in Colombia. On the road, you frequently see 4 or more people travelling on one motorbike and people transporting long metal wire by dragging it along the floor off the back of their bikes. On one occasion we saw a guy transporting a dead pig on the back of his motorbike.

It’s fun travelling through a country where cycling is a national sport. On the weekends the roads are full of other cyclists and some sections of roads are closed and turned into huge cycle lanes. We spent a morning cycling with around 30 other cyclists, all cheering each other on.

This section of the journey saw us stray off paved roads more than usual. We took a road between Moñitos and Arboletes that we thought would be a shortcut. The road happened to be a dirt track, which we happily bumped along until it started to torrentially rain. We quickly found shelter and watched the once dirt road turn into sloshy mud. Of course when we set back off on our bikes once the rain had stopped, cycling was impossible - our wheels got clogged with thick mud until they would no longer turn. Some locals helped us carry our muddy bikes to the side of the road and we sat outside a tienda and weighed up our options. The shop-owner told us that there was a bus that went down this road that could take us to Montería, leaving in an hour. As we were stuck and losing daylight quickly we decided to wait for the bus and get back to a paved road before it started raining again. After an hour, the bus splashed down the road. The bus driver took one look at us (covered in mud) and our bikes (covered in mud) and refused to let us on. It was now late in the day and we were quite literally stuck in the middle of nowhere.

There were private farmyards on either side of the road for the entire stretch, making wild camping risky. We asked a few locals if we could camp in their garden and eventually a little old lady agreed and we spent the night in a tent next to her pig sty. In the morning she brought us coffee and wished us well on our travels as we set off on the now dry road. The moment that the dirt road turned back into tarmac was as joyous as a border crossing.

Writing this down, it sounds like a crazy ordeal but in hindsight I find it funny. The moment the bus drove past, both of us completely covered in mud will be forever ingrained in my memory.

Peoples lives outside of cities in Colombia are tough. The old lady who’s garden we stayed in had very very little, which seems the case for the majority of rural Colombia. Most people live in self built wooden huts with a dirt floor, no electricity and no plumbing. They share their space with farmyard animals that they keep for food. At first I found this pretty shocking because this was not the image I had in my head when I thought about Colombia before the trip. You would never see this side of Colombia travelling by bus from city to city. I feel really grateful for the real version of each country that I am experiencing by travelling by bike.

After our mishaps in the mud cycling to Arboletes, we had a day off to clean our bikes before hitting the road again - this time travelling every day in order to get to Medellín. We left the coast and pedalled into the mountains for the first time on this trip. Being off grid in the mountains with epic views, waterfalls and rivers felt really special. It wasn’t until the final ascent into Medellín that we started to realise just how challenging the cycling had become.

Medellín lies inside a crater, so for 3 days you climb around 2600m day after day before losing all of your ascent 75km away from Medellín. The final day entails climbing from 0 back up to 2800m and descending for 18 Km into Medellín.

On the final day, a road had been washed out by a river, which meant that we had to take a detour along a dirt track with a ridiculous level of gradient that was impossible to cycle. Max could push his bike up the mountain, but my bike was too heavy for me, so I had to take my luggage off my bike, push my bike up the mountain and then go back down and carry the luggage up. It took 2 hours to travel 2km of the 75km overall journey! The road after this was much easier at a lower gradient, enabling us to cycle.

However by 4pm we were wondering when the mountain would drop off - we had counted on the downhill in order for us to get to Medellín in one day rather than two. By 5pm and 6pm we were still crawling up hill, losing morale and starting to feel that we wouldn’t get there in one day. It didn’t help that every 800m or so there would be a bunch of dogs that would bark and try and chase us, meaning that we would have to get off our bikes and scare them away before walking past them.

We were now cycling in the dark, out of energy and still waiting for the downhill to appear when we stumbled upon a little village called Boqueron where we got hot chocolates and put on warm clothes (it’s cold at 2800m!) Finally as we turned the corner out of Boqueron the hill dropped off and there was the downhill! We whizzed down, in complete darkness and got epic views of the cityscape from above which was beautifully lit up at night.

We spent the next two hours going downhill into the city - that’s how high up we were! At points it was too steep to go downhill and we had to walk down. By 9:30pm (16 hours on the saddle!) we finally made it to our hostel where we would chill out for the next week.

The challenging cycle into Medellín made us appreciate our time in the city much more.

Medellín is an interesting city with a dark recent past - only 20 years ago it was the murder capital of the world and now it is much safer than a lot of cities in the United States. The city has a friendly vibe with lots of street art and performers. Everyone seems keen to put the past behind them and move on to happier times.

We are leaving Medellín now and travelling to Salento, where we will be spending Christmas.

As usual, here is the link to track our progress http://share.garmin.com/DMB7R

Remember to hit “view all” and zoom out to see the whole journey. We are halfway through Colombia now!

I plan on making the Colombia video in two parts, so I will post it to here shortly - when I have finished editing it.

[nordic-breeze]

I was going through my files and I came over this document I sent to my friend @distant-rain pretty much the same day I realized I had fallen in love with Arthur, after weeks of being in denial or shrugging off my daydreaming of this cowboy as nbd or thought experiments and boy was I confused. 

I knew next to nothing about RDR1 when I wrote this December last year and I didn’t know much about RDR2 post chapter 2 either except for Arthur’s fate, which I had just learned of, and oml was I upset and confused. Though also scaringly accurate about certain things.

Now over six months later, I love this cowboy even more. And I kept true to my word. If anyone wanna read the rambings of a fangirl who had just found her new obsession be my guest.

I was blown away by how massive this game is. The level of detail is incredible and I greatly appreciate the effort put into creating this world. Yeah, we’ve all heard about the horse testicles shrinking in cold weather but it’s not like it’s just one bizarre detail being essentially a dick joke in an otherwise average game. No, RDR2 is detailed enough that it actually makes sense to add in peculiarities like that. The amount of wildlife alone, I mean, ever since the PS2 era I’ve been used to seeing animals in games but R* created whole-ass ecosystems in RDR2, several of’em, from snowy mountains to marshlands, with animals that act so much like actual animals. Just listening to the birds singing, it’s like being out in an actual forest!

Characterization is another thing that amazed me, in particular the protagonist. I knew nothing about the first RDR when started playing RDR2, nor did I know anything about RDR in general other than it was western-themed and made by the GTA-guys. I expected somewhat of a similar characterization as GTA where every character is a stereotype or a caricature. I genuinely liked GTAV’s story for what it was and even though every character was more or less an asshole, some of them were also weirdly likeable and even earned my sympathy (and hint of affection) occasionally.

But it never really went deeper than that nor was it particularly long-lasting (still way more than I expected tho). I bonded with one of the characters more than I thought I would but not nearly as much as I would had the characters felt more like actual humans and not like the epitome of stereotypes. But it is what R* wanted and it worked. I expected the RDR2 characters to be the same but to my surprise the characters, especially Arthur, are fleshed out, complex, even relatable (depending on your actions I guess). Unlike GTAV, they act and react like actual human beings. Well, human beings that have lived their entire life (more or less) as outlaws. In a country and time period foreign to me. But still they felt human. Ofc I’ve not gotten to know any of the NPC’s as well as Arthur but from various missions and eavesdropping on their conversation I’ve gotten to know them a bit. Hosea is my favorite. He seems like a good man despite being an outlaw and I love how everyone goes to him for advice and how supportive he is. I also wish more people (esp a certain Dutch man) could listen to him more. I also really like Charles. He definitely got morals and could be a good influence on Arthur and the others. I haven’t seen much of Sadie yet, but think I’ll like her too. Lenny seems nice. That one scene when he and Arthur went out drinking together was absolutely brilliant! And lil Jack’s adorable ofc. Only one I don’t like is Micha or Miach or whathisname. I know no one in the van der Linde gang are saints but that guy is a total psychopath. I kinda wish Arthur had gotten his way there when he said they should just leave him in jail as he was nothing but trouble and it annoys me how Dutch is sticking up for him. Yeah, speaking of, not too fond of Dutch or that German guy either atm.

But all in all very impressed by the large open world, the level of details to well, everything and the characterization. Soundtrack is great, graphics are stunning, animations smooth, the horse-riding simulation is just extraordinary and you never know what’s gonna happen as you ride through the map. The amount and variety of random events and encounters are truly impressive. Often comical, like that wildlife photographer who keeps getting almost eaten up by the wildlife he’s trying to document, sometimes eerie like the serial killer side story, or sad like when Arthur met with his former love. Or a combination of said elements like the pig farmers I ran into. With no pigs. But were still veeery well fed. You know, when people are just a liiitle bit too friendly? That eerie feeling you get when you just know something’s wrong but you can’t quite put your finger on it. Until you can. I thought they were husband and wife I really did. You shoulda seen my face when I realized they were in fact brother and sister. Me and Arthur had the exact same face. They were living as husband and wife tho. Well, up until I killed them.

I also love the contrast between the more ‘modern’ world and the simpler life. I could go into town, buy food at the saloon and rent a room or take a bath at the hotel. Or I could ride a few mins out into the wilderness, hunt and gather my own food, cook it over a bonfire and sleep under the stars. Electricity exists, but people are still completely dependent on oil lamps and open flame. Trains and trams exist, cars have been invented, but people still mainly travel on horseback. This contrast between old and new as an era is ending and the modern era is about to begin has been an amazing experience considering the level of detail the game has. The colonization of the new land, which has been largely unknown to me, the contrast between this and modern-day America we see on TV. So many people did not even speak English, I often find abandoned buildings, or burnt-down buildings, some with bodies inside, leaving me wondering what happened to them, I found a ghost town whose inhabitants had been wiped out by a plague. It was tough for many I reckon.

In fact, I find the exploration of this foreign but also somewhat familiar, beautiful but harsh world and its many random events and encounters waaay more interesting than the actual main story itself, which is why it took me forever to reach chapter 3. In fact, the story is probably my least favorite part about RDR2, as backwards as it may sound. I’ve never been into western stories or aesthetics, and I’m certainly NOT into the whole ‘outlaws till the end’ stuff ugh. I fail to sympathize with the whole ‘boo-hoo the world no want outlaws like us no more it’s unfair’. Ugh, go cry me a fucking river. And then go get a job. A real job. Yeah, I get it that adapting to society is tough, life’s tough deal with it and stop preying on others. Wow, robbing two trains in short time and staying in the same fucking area actually has consequences, I’m so shook!

So yeah, story-wise I don’t quite ‘get it’ and Dutch is really starting to get on my nerves, which is probably why I prefer to just ride off alone and experience the world. I guess RDR2 story will rely heavily on being torn between gang loyalty and your own morality and principles but since I have virtually no concept of group loyalty that is all lost on me. My own morals and principles all the way. I’m like, ‘these people suck, take Hosea, Charles, Sadie, Tilly (maybe John Marston and his family) and leave these bitches behind’.

At the beginning, I did kinda liked Dutch. He seemed genuinely sorry for Sadie, took her in and saved her life, even if it meant another mouth to feed in dire times. And he showed Kiran mercy despite hating the O’Driscol’s. But as I’ve progressed thought the game, his grand speeches about sticking together, sticking with him, slowly but surely has turned from pep-talk to keep people’s spirit up to sounding like a cult leader desperate to keep his following no matter the cost. Yesterday when I was playing, I overheard him quote some quasi-philosophy book to Lenny and used the words to twist them into his own convictions to support his decisions. And when Lenny objected, Dutch literally said ‘you’re breaking my heart, kid’. Wow Dutch, talk about manipulating your protégé.

It was the mission when those lawmen approached Arthur as he was fishing with Jack that really made me consciously see Dutch in a new light. Up until then, RDR2 had mostly been fun and games but that conversation left me feeling a bit uneasy. But I just figured it was the main story finally picking up pace and also, I figured I was near the end of the chapter. I carried on, suddenly eager to see what would happen and was thoroughly surprised by how the chapter ended. In a bad way.

While both chapter 2 and chapter 3 begins with a ‘new start’ vibe, chapter 3 felt very different from chapter 2. Mostly it was that feeling that Dutch’s obsession with ‘sticking to this life’ is going to get people killed. Idk, it’s this eerie feeling something’s wrong but can’t quite put my finger on it-feel again. But thanks to internet being internet I already knew some spoilers so I couldn’t help but to look up something and… well, let me put it this way. I’m never going to finish this game. Ever. It breaks my heart because in so many ways it’s truly an amazing game and a fantastic experience. But I’m just not that into the story, I don’t like where it’s heading and I don’t want to see what’s coming to character(s) I’ve come to care deeply about.

I still want to explore the world more, see what unfolds, do more challenges, add stuff to my compendium, maybe get some trophies… but I doubt I’ll ever progress much story-wise. Quite the contrary, I might reload an earlier save and just stay in chapter 2 forever.

(wrtten a couple of days later)

Seems my instincts was right on the money, esp concerning Dutch. Sad thing, I do believe he is sincere. In the first few chapters at least. He is manipulative but I also believe he’s convinced himself that he’s doing the right thing. And then his obsession will eventually get the better of him and when people and the lifestyle is slipping away from him, he doesn’t handle it well at all. Ugh, it’s so frustrating, I just wanna gather all my favs and yell: “leave nooow, before it’s too late!

It’s not for the sake of spacing it out or making it last. I just don’t want to progress in the story at all. I hated losing Horseshoe Overlook. HATED IT HATED IT HATED IT!!!! Yes the new place is beautiful, yes I know it’s the life of the outlaws and RDR2 does show that life for better and for worse whereas most stories tend to romanticize the whole thing, yes as outlaws they can’t stay for too long in one place. But as mentioned I have a hard time sympathize with and immerse myself into that lifestyle. Yes, I got all my upgrades and a whole new area to explore, a bigger nearby town, and closer to that big city. Still hated it. Horseshoe Overlook was my place. The Heartlands was home. And the view was stunning! And I liked Valentine. It was small and dirty but I had good memories from there. Until I had to shoot up half the town. My motivation for continuing the main story is at absolute zero.

It was more what the transition represented, I guess. You never know what will happen in RDR2. And it’s true, for random encounters, and many of the individual missions. But when it comes to the story as a whole, I feel like I already now can predict how it’ll play out. Every chapter begins with the gang on the move, finding a place to settle down and have a fresh start, even chapter 1 (as they were on the run bc a heist gone wrong or something). Then they settle down, go into town to get to know the area and establish connections and looking for easy money, often at the expenses of others. X random events later, they get too overconfident or careless, screws up or get hunted down, it ends with a shootout, then they are on the run again, finds a new place to settle down where Dutch promises that THIS TIME IT WILL BE DIFFERENT until they’re wanted on the entire map and can’t go anywhere cos the wild west is ending. I really liked it at Horseshoe Overlook and whenever Im in that area again I’ll just get sad.

I had no idea I’d gotten so emotionally invested so I was really surprised at how much I disliked moving camps and all. I’ve also gotten so fond of Arthur. I was so busy with exploring, doing challenges, learning to hunt etc I didn’t even realize it happening. Until one scene had me almost tearing up! I think because, we as the player really have to look out for him. Even though I make sure that he eats regularly, he’s still underweight. When out riding I usually set up camp when night falls so that Arthur can get some rest. Something I’d never think about in any other game. And I always give him coffee in the morning. Then it’s his journal that gives such valuable insight into who he truly is as a person. There’s no doubt he’s so much more than just a mere outlaw. He writes surprisingly well and is open and is surprisingly honest about his thoughts and feelings. How torn he is between the life of an outlaw and wanting to be a better man, a better person. How he admired Charles because, for him it was ‘so easy to just be good’ whereas he himself always feel torn between good and evil. And his journal entries when he meets his long-lost love Mary and saves her brother from the cultists. The expression on his face as he said goodbye to her on the train station… how utterly heartbroken he was… how she still loved him too… man, that one tore at my heart. Still does when thinking about it.

I wish I could take Hosea, Charles, Sadie, Tilly, John’s family and maybe Lenny too with me, run off and start anew. Charles would have good influence on Arthur and encourage him to turn his life around and find his place in society and encourage John to be a better father and role model for Jack and they could all learn how to live as free men and women without robbing or hurting anyone (unless they deserve it). Like, Charles is an excellent hunter and tracker. He’d totally get enough food for the gang and maybe even enough to sell. He could train Jack too. Hosea was always more of a conman/grifter than a brute/robber. He could con bad guys or rich assholes Robin Hood style. If anyone gave him grief, John and Arthur would settle the score. Arthur could sell animal pelts and John could take up carpeting. They’d be such a happy lil family. But, RDR1 is yet to happen so it’s all just wishful thinking *sigh*

[atminiature]

Nightfall

Alpha!Bucky x Omega!OC. (But it’s not really addressed that much.)

Summary: A bit of forbidden love. OC sneaks into Bucky’s quarters to see him. One thing leads to another. The morning after, Bucky gets angsty and one thing leads to another again.

Contains: 95% smut. m/f.  Dom!Bucky. Medieval vibes.

Word count: 5400.

Prequel is coming out soonish. Masterlist in bio.

***

I hesitate before his door. It is eerily quiet here, and the twilight makes the smooth floor of the hallway shine like water in a lake. I cannot linger – either I knock, or I turn around right now before anyone sees me. I break the silence with three raps on the polished door, and with my loud heart beating in my chest.

He opens with a confused expression on his face when he sees me. I don’t say anything, I just start to make my way inside, and he silently takes a step aside to let me in. My heels click loudly against the smooth stone.

“You can’t be here,” he says incredulously as he pulls the door shut behind me. “Did anyone see you-”

“No,” I cut him off and spin around to face him. For a second I just stare into his eyes, blue as sapphires. “I know. I told them I’m staying with a friend tonight,” I say, suddenly breathless. “I just wanted to talk, to be alone with you.”

His features soften as he folds his arms over his chest and leans into the closed door. “Can’t say I don’t want you here either,” he admits.

A weightless flutter spreads from my stomach like electricity.

For the first time I let go of him with my eyes and look around. I make a little turn as I take in the room we are in – the fireplace is large enough for me to sit in, and every detail of the plush furniture is gilded or shiny. I raise my eye brows at him.

He shrugs. “Yeah, Steve really wanted to make sure I would enjoy my time here.”

“Why?” I ask bluntly.

He walks up to me and reaches around my waist to pull me with him to one of the tall windows by the balcony. He does it casually, so naturally, like he has been able to be like this around me before. His reply is quiet, but mumbled into my hair I still hear the words as clear as day.

“Because he wants me to stay.” His rough scruff against my scalp almost makes me forget what he said.

I pause. “I would miss you too,” I finally whisper to his pale reflection. It looks like we’re burning in the sinking sun outside.

We stand still for a long time, looking out, he holds his arms around me from behind and puts his chin against my head. I lean into him and wish I could freeze time. If I close my eyes maybe it will.

Suddenly, there is a change in the room. He straightens his back, but keeps one arm tightly around me, holding me flush against him. Just as he speaks, I open my eyes.

“Do you want a man who knows how to take you?”

I hold my breath, but my insides are roaring. I stir slightly in his arms and prepare myself to reply, but when I have turned my head to the side, to his chest, to somehow be closer when I do, I just leave my lips hanging a little open, tongue behind my teeth. I feel his chest heave against my back as he breathes to speak again. “I know your kind. You’re brave, impatient, you talk back, and bite if you have to.”

He places his free hand on my hip, his fingertips tracing small circles over the fabric.

“And you?” I ask, buying myself more time.

“I’m falling in love with you.”

The words are hanging in the air for a few seconds like snow floating to the ground.

“You look like a flame, but you’re a forest fire.” He pauses, “They’ve all been doing this wrong, haven’t they? Like feeding a wolf grass instead of meat.” He breathes the words out into my ear.

Suddenly I am aware of every inch of my body, every shiver, every goose bump, hot blood flowing too quickly… surging down into my core. “Show me how you’d take me then.” I whisper.

His lips smile against my skin as he bends down to kiss the skin behind my ear. Almost like an instinct, I close my eyes. I feel his nose nuzzling along my hairline as his lips make their way down my neck and then up again. The kisses are slow, lazy, and he pauses to suck a love bite under my jaw, nibbling teasingly when a soft whimper escapes my chest, my torso jerking forward a little. I savour the feeling his hot breath against my skin, and his fingers gripping my waist tenderly.

Light hands travel bit by bit to gather the silky fabric of my dress over my hips, and slowly turn me around to face him. He looks into my eyes as he brings one of his hands to gently cradle the back of my neck as he bends down to kiss my lips for the first time. At first he seems like the soft kind of kisser, but I can tell he is hungry. So am I.

We make out. There is no other word for it. The kind where lips get swollen, noses bump into each other and hands try to come closer when there really is not any closer. He pulls me against him by keeping one hand on the back of my head while searching over my back with his other hand until his fingers finds the buttons to open my dress and lets it fall to my waist, letting his hands run over my naked back. He splays his fingers out over my shoulder blades, his thumbs lightly grazing my sides, and pauses momentarily with his forehead pressed against mine before he looks down and starts shimmy the fabric around my waist down my legs.

I slide my fingers in under the hem of his shirt and slowly start to pull it up, only to be stopped by large hands gripping my wrists. The firm grip makes my core warmer, makes me want to rub myself against his thigh. Despite that I am already half-exposed to him, the though alone almost makes me blush.

“Uh-hu, I’m having none of that, you’ll have to wait.”

With a pout, I reluctantly let go of him and curiously stare up into his eyes. He keeps my wrists in his vicelike grip and bends down to place a peck by my hairline.

“I think I have an idea of where I want to put your hands so they won’t end up where they’re not supposed to be.”

I swallow even though my mouth is dry. “And where is that?” My voice does not really sound like my own.

“For starters you can put them on my shoulders and keep them there until I am done.”

“Fine.” He releases me and I bring my arms over his neck without losing eye contact. He smiles all the way into our next kiss and continues caressing my body. His fingers knead firm circles into my skin as he explores me and sucks more marks onto my neck. I do not know how bad it will look tomorrow, but I cannot find it in me to care, the thought of being reminded of him every time I see myself in the mirror only makes me want him more. With my hands around his neck, I cannot lean away from him far enough to hide that my breathing is getting heavier with each touch.

Finally, he splays a hand out over the small of my back and presses me forward at the same time as he cups my core with his other hand, and I let out a shaky sigh as I press my forehead into his chest below his shoulder. He brings his hand forward again between my legs, a little bit harder this time, and I understand what he is doing, slowly over again, giving me time to think about it. I feel the colour rising in my face, and I feel him chuckle lowly through his chest.

“Do you like how I’m handling you so far?”

I try to get away by humming an affirmative noise into his shoulder, but he is not satisfied. He just asks the question again as he rubs my sex one more time back and forth. “Do you like how I’m handling you?”

“Yes,” I gasp, tilting my head up, giving up my pride.

“Yes, what?” He persists. My legs are trembling slightly and I am sure he feels it. I feel unsteady in my heels.

“Yes, Sir,” I hiss through gritted teeth as he times another stroke with my reply.

“Look at you, missy. Already a mess,” he whispers with a kiss to my cheek.

I don’t want to look at myself. He’s having me hump his hand, there are strands of hair is in my face, and I feel a trickle of sweat making its way down my back.

He lets go of my body and reaches up to peal my arms off him. I did not even realize I had dug my nails into his skin, probably deep enough to leave marks like crescent moons.

“Come on.”

With one hand heavily resting on the back of my neck and the other in a gentle, but firm, grip around my upper arm, he keeps me in front of him as he brings me to his bed in the next room. All my clothes except for my heels and underwear, he has taken off and left on the floor. Without a word, he hoists me up on the end of it and places himself in between my knees with his hands planted firmly on my thighs, spreading them a bit further than they would need to be just to fit him just standing in between them. I feel his gaze on me, and somehow it makes me bow my head down little for him.

“There we go,” he sounds pleased. He stands quiet for a moment and in the silence I feel my heartbeat and core pound in the same rhythm. “You’ve never had an alpha put you in your place before, have you?” he asks as he brings a hand up to caress my cheek with his thumb.

“No,” I reply in a small voice and shake my head, but he follows the movement with his hand.

A dark noise rumbles from his chest, “I can tell,” he says as he reaches around me and unclips my bra in a swift movement, my cheek still in his hand.

“I think you have figured out how I want it from you.”

I nod, and bite my lip to keep in a moan; I was so close to coming just a minute ago. “Yes, Sir,” I whimper.

“Show me your hands,” he requests.

I wrinkle my forehead, a bit confused, but glance up and immediately put them out when I meet his gaze. They are trembling. I want to close them, but he has not told me to yet. Instead I close my eyes as another blush creeps its way up my neck.

He snickers lowly. “All the others who’ve had you before didn’t know how to take care of you properly.”

Patiently, he tangles a hand into my hair and pulls me up a bit, straightening my back, giving himself a second to look me up and down. Then he presses me gently backwards so he has space to take a breast in each hand and gently starts to massage them with his thumbs. I lean back on my elbows – legs still spread to accommodate him in between them – and allow myself to relax and enjoy the pleasure I get from it.

“I’ve wanted to do things to you ever since I first saw you in the forest.” He says after a moment, his fingers caressing me slowly.

I arc my spine a little, and roll my head back. “What kind of things?”

He does not respond straight away. He just presses my chest down lightly, just hard enough to signal to me to lay down with my back on the sheets myself. He follows me and lets his body tower over me. “Have you on your back, securely under me, filled up and moaning.” He squeezes my breasts hard and I gasp, my thighs coming together, trying to close my legs, but he is in the way. He chuckles lowly and moves one hand to cradle my head gently, and lets his other one softly caress me high up on the inside of my thigh.

“How does that sound?” He asks quietly, looking me in the eyes as his hand keeps massaging my skin slowly.

My shoulders shiver visibly and I take a shaky breath. “Good, Sir.”

With one knee between my legs, he supports himself as he climbs up and lifts me higher up on the bed.

“Hands over your head, please,” he requests. “I’ll have you my way or no way.”

I do as I’m told. He straightens my arms out slightly and in my peripheral vision I see him pull out a set of leather cuffs. He slips them onto my wrists and tightens them gently, but firmly, while keeping eye contact with me. Neither of us says anything when he is done, even though he is leaning over my naked body. I cannot keep myself from arching my hips up to grind myself carefully against his thigh. He bends down to kiss me and fireworks go off behind my eyelids. Without actually meaning to, I roll my body against him in lack of other ways to feel him.

He gives out a low grunt as he reluctantly retreats back from me, lightly letting his fingers ghost over my body – the swell of my breasts, my nipples – on his way up from me.

At last, he removes my panties and moves to stand on his knees in between my spread thighs.

In all the haze that he has had fogging my mind; I first now fully realize that I am completely naked in front of him, while he has kept all his own clothes on. I tentatively pull on my restrains, they’re tightened snuggly around my wrists – there’s absolutely nowhere I can go. He sends me a disarming smile as he looks down on me below him, gaze traveling slowly over my body, I can’t even shift to a more modest position. I become aware of my heart beating in my chest again, and sink back on the pillows and blankets, soft against my exposed skin.

“You’re making me so hard when you’re on your back for me.” He brings both his hands down and run them up my inner thighs, slowing down as he gets closer to my core, then he goes back and lift them up so they are left bent, and spread them a little bit further. “Legs spread, waiting for my cock…” he groans lowly as he takes my hips in his large hands and pulls me against his pelvis. He rolls his clothed core into me steadily “And these little high heels, I think I might keep them on you while I fuck you, they make me very hard too.”

I whimper quietly, trying to ease my breathing, but I have never been made to submit to an alpha like this before, and for the first time I am nervous. He stripped me off the control so gently I barely noticed, and now he has my hands restrained, and all of my body laid out in front of him to enjoy, to play with, before he takes me. I would probably be scared if it weren’t for how badly I wanted release.

I shift my wrist slightly over my head and there is a rattling metal noise from the chain of the cuffs and the bedpost.

“Are you comfortable, love?” he asks me, caressing my naked hips tenderly.

“Yes, Sir.” I breathe out.

“Maybe you’ll be more comfortable with my cock inside you?”

I nod quickly, pulling slightly on the restraints again.

He rolls his hips slowly into me one more time, and I desperately try to close my legs around him to more pressure, my breathing turning into gasping, “Shh,” he comforts, “I’ll take care of that soon.”

He runs his hand along the side of my body, up to my ribs and back, one of his lips curling up.

“Let me feel you.” He lowers me back on the mattress, steadies me with a hand on my pelvic bone and slowly enters me with an index finger.

To finally have something inside me makes me clench, and I carefully roll my hips into his hand as well as I can, but it does not relieve much of the ache. “So good and calm for me.” He lets his finger slide against my walls, then his voice hardens, “You’ll have to ask nicely for more.”

I let out a mix between a frustrated groan and gasp.

“Bet you’ve never had to beg for it before, do you?” He snickers lowly and shakes his head as he continues to move his finger inside me, bending it carefully. “You’re too gorgeous so all the boys spoiled you, never took their time, never had you wait. Tonight it’ll be done by a man who knows. I love begging.”

I give out a whine and helplessly try to press his finger harder into me, but he makes sure it is to no use.

“I have all day, love.”

As I take a deep breath and prepare myself to beg, I feel myself getting wetter, and it makes me blush that he is inside me and will feel it. It feels humiliating that he has undressed me, tied me down, and now orders me to beg him to fuck me while my juices are leaking out on him.

“I…Sir, please, can you add another finger?”

“You can do better than that, gorgeous.”

I pull myself up a couple of centimetres by my restrains to somehow get a better position to speak. He does not help even though he could; he only sits silently, watching me pull on his cuffs, his hands still firmly on my waist and inside me. “Please, Sir, I’m so desperate for you. You make me feel so good, I just want to come.” My naked chest heaves up and down with my breaths and he looks down on me with a pleased smile playing in the corner of his lips. “Please, can I have more of you inside me, Sir?”

He bends down and kisses my pelvis before he takes his time easing in another finger and starts thrusting them slowly into me. It feels good, but probably not as good as his cock would feel. Since there is nothing I can do about it I just lean back and take what he gives me, gripping my restrains tightly. Painfully aware that he is watching my naked body roll in pleasure from being fucked with his fingers, I feel the blood flow to my face, or maybe it is just because I am getting closer and closer to release. Before I reach it, he has pulled out, leaving me empty.

“What do we say?” He asks as he places his fingers over my mouth and I open up to suck them clean.

“Thank you, Sir,” I reply quietly when I am done.

“That´s it, quick learner.”

Finally, he leans back again between my spread legs and peal his shirt off. I can see that his length is straining against his trousers. He unbuckles his belt and as soon as his underwear is gone, his hard shaft rises up hard and thick against his stomach. There is pre-cum leaking out from the tip. He takes himself in a steady grip and pumps a few times.

I am sweaty and breathe heavily, and I want nothing more than to squeeze my thighs together to relieve the need, but he has had my legs spread since he lifted me up on his bed.

He’s still on his knees when he grips my hips again, I compliantly lift them slightly to make it easier to ease his wide girth into me. His face relaxes instantly in pleasure as he presses himself into me slowly.

I cannot do much except for watching him and clenching, and whimper lowly at the burning sensation between my legs as his heavy girth stretches me slowly.

“Yes, that’s it. Let me in like a good girl.” He thrives in control, back straight, and posture broad and proud. When he is fully sheeted inside my heat, he stills for a moment, eyes closed, before he pulls out, and enter me again. He feels heavy and hot inside me. I hold my breath. Then he starts to thrust into me. He is holding my hips up securely in his hands as he slowly pumps into my core over and over again. 

I can just lay and take the bliss he gives me, gasping, rolling my body to meet his thrusts as much as his grip and cuffs allows to. He reaches deep from his position, but he does not pick up the pace and after a few minutes I realize what he wants.

“Sir, please” I whisper, my throat thick and dry, “you can have me harder, I don’t mind. Please Sir.”

“My beautiful girl,” he whispers, “of course I’ll have you harder.”

He pauses his movements for a second and bends down over me, roughly pinning me down under his heavy weight. I lock my legs around his waist, struggling a bit with my heels, as he starts to thrust into me again in long, deep strokes. I almost have tears in my eyes from being kept from coming for so long and I whimper out his name.

He kisses me and takes one of my breasts in his hand, caressing it, as he picks up the pace. I lift my head a little as I cry out, arc my back and pull on my restrains as if it would ease the ache between my legs. He takes a soft grip on my hair and brings me down to the pillows again.

“Do you like this? When I put you in your place where you should be and fuck you deep?”

I nod, mouth hanging open, strings of hair stuck in my face.

“Am I fucking you harder and firmer than the others?”

“Yes, Sir,” I whimper lowly. “Please Sir, your cock feels so good inside me. Please let me come.”

He makes a particularly deep thrust and I moan helplessly and close my eyes.

“God, these little sounds you make are the sexiest things I’ve ever heard.” he croons into my lips, groaning as he continues to fuck me in a steady rhythm, Stretching me a little bit closer to pleasure every time he slides himself into me.

I am so close and whimper every time he hits the spot inside me where I need him. It feels good to be small under him, to almost choke under his weight. To be pressed up into the bedframe with each thrust. He is right that no-one has ever dared to treat me like this before; he has taken what he wanted and left me in a dizzy bliss as he went along.

“I’m going to come,” he grunts into my ear, and I nod.

His words, and his seed spilling into me, brings me down with him and I come apart with a scream or a moan, I cannot tell myself. He keeps thrusting into me through my orgasm, until he has emptied everything he has inside me.

I keep panting even after he is done and has pulled himself out of me. He sits on the edge of the bed for a second before he shoves his hair from his face bends over to me.

He unties my heels first, before he gently unties my hands from his bedframe and kisses my wrists, and brings me to sit on the edge of the bed with him, his arm flung over my shoulders until my legs stop shaking. A moment later we fall asleep forehead to forehead in a mess of tangled sheets and tangled limbs.

***

The sun has only just started to colour the morning sky when I stir awake; judging by the light, the time is probably not even five. I shut my eyes again and allow myself to enjoy his arms around me, the smell of a humid night lingering in the sheets.

I turn my head to him and see that he is awake too, staring up into the roof. The playful spark in his eyes from yesterday is not quite there. He seems quieter than yesterday, heavier.

I rise on my elbows to reach to kiss him gently, and he gratefully takes the distraction. It is sleepy and lazy, noses and hands fumble against the sheets as I huddle closer to him. Kissing turns into making out and then he fucks me again, but without much fuss – just him on top of me hard and firmly, having me whimper in a quiet rhythm with each thrust. He is eager, and comes with a groan, his heavy breathing fanning my ear. I trace calming circles over his back with one hand when he is done, and my other hand he keeps tightly entangled with his own over my head.

He stills, head hanging down so his chin rests lightly on my shoulder. My breasts graze his chest with each breath. I feel his limb inside me, and the stickiness in between my legs when he moves to bring his hand up to cradle my head. He takes his time bending down to kiss the skin behind my ear.

“I want you,” he mumbles into my hair.

I turn my head towards him a little – as much as there is space for – his stubble is scratching my forehead but I try to bring him closer anyways by tightening my legs I still have hooked around him, “I’m here, I’m yours” I whisper back at him.

He shakes his head like he is trying to get rid of the idea. “They’d behead me if I marked you.”

“Hey,” I shoot back, releasing him from my grip and gently try to push my right hip up but he will not budge.

“I’m not from here, I’m not allowed to.” He lets go of me and props himself up on his elbows, looking down, meeting my gaze. “I’m serious.” His impossibly blue eyes make me lose my breath once again.

I cautiously lift a hand to brush away a strand of hair that has fallen in his face. “We’ll figure something out. I don’t know how, but we’ll fix it,” I whisper.

He rolls off me, but reaches out and pulls me close again. I lay my head on his chest.

“I’d have to swear allegiance to the court, to the army, but I don’t know if that’d be enough,” he states quietly.

As much as I understand the realness of his words, I cannot bring myself to agree. “I wouldn’t ask that of you,” is all I say.

He leans forward the last inch and kisses me softly, ignoring me.

“Steve Rogers likes you,” I mumble into his lips.

“This life has made me enemies.”

I do not know what to say to that.

“They will come for me, and I don’t want anyone to be at the other end when they do,” he continues.

“Don’t be scared,” I whisper and lean forward to smooth his hair down behind his neck. He is tense. For a couple of minutes I trace patters into his chest with light fingers, but his arm around me still feels rigid.

I tentatively lift my thigh over his waist for a moment before I slowly slide all the way up, so I am practically laying on him. He holds me lightly and idly caresses what skin he can reach. I scoot back and drag my fingers up and down over the highest part of his thighs and watch his half-hard member rise again.

He speaks my name lowly in a sigh, but I put a hand up on his chest. “Relax, close your eyes,” I mumble as I climb up on him and slowly ease myself down on his cock. When I am done I sit down heavily, enjoying clenching around him again, feeling fully stretched.

“Let me take care of you,” I whisper and start to grind down on him in small circles. He groans and quickly brings his hands to hold my waist, giving into my treatment. I place my hands softly over his, but not hard enough to take back the control he gained.

Carefully, to see if he will follow, I start to move my hips up. He does, and shifts his grip on me. I start riding him gently up and down, only pulling out an inch or so before pressing back down, taking my time, thinking about it more like a massage instead of a fuck.

“Are you relaxed?” I whisper quietly after a couple of minutes.

He replies with a heavy groan, “Fuck yes.”

I gingerly coax his right hand away from my hip, take it in mine and bring it up to my breast. He grabs it contently. I am not chasing any release; I just keep lightly keep rocking back and forth over him, using my body to placate him. Sometimes I wait a couple of seconds between the strokes. My only goal is to ease him, to have him pleasured and calm under me.

“Touch me if you want to,” I whisper, even though I know he would if he felt like it.

I allow myself to close my eyes as I keep working back and forth over him, still going in my slow pace. I realize that the concerned crease is starting to form between my eyes, and I force myself to relax so I can last longer. Under me, he has sunk deep into the bedsheets. Someone else might have thought he has fallen asleep if it weren’t for the grunts he lets out every now and then. When I think about giving him this intimacy, and to be so close to him and have pleasure together, it makes my breath hitch and my next thrust unconsciously gets deeper and draws a small whimper from my lips.

My legs are starting to tremble now and I feel weak, so I begin to take him deeper and deeper inside me with each thrust and start to lean forward slightly, starting to work towards release.

I bend forward and support my weight with my right hand next to his head. I feel his hair tickling my fingers. Suddenly it gets too much for me and I moan lowly in pleasure, and he starts to thrust harder up into me, taking over the pace.

The hand on my hip travels up my back to my neck, making me lean further down over him in the process. His other hand leaves my breast and snakes down over the small of my back, pressing me down flush against him to lock me in my position. I curl up against his shoulder as I keep rolling my hips into him. The hand on my neck slides up and settles heavily over my head, keeping my head down resting on his chest by a grip of my hair. I draw a shaky breath; the thought of him owning me like this turns me on more than I’d ever admit, I could serve him forever. My mouth is half open as I cry out in pleasure.

I feel his rough chest hair under my left hand and under my cheek, wondering if I’ve ever felt this way coming with anyone. A few long thrusts later he is filling me up with his warm seed once more, and the feeling makes fireworks explode in front of my eyes.  I clench around him again and again, as my body takes everything he has.

I am collapsed on top of him, my legs still straddling his waist. I close my eyes and breathe heavily, and against my cheek I feel him do the same. One of his hands soothingly caresses the small of my back, and the other one is still tangled into my hair.

“Angel?”

“Mhm,” I mumble, exhausted.

“Don’t ever leave me,” he whispers.

***

Prequel is coming out soonish.

Masterlist in bio. (Links messes up the tags.)

[thesunlounge]

Reviews 138: Hatchback

Sam Grawe’s Hatchback project is a fantasy panorama of all the music I like most, weaving new age, krautrock, balearic, kosmische, and post-rock into heavenly tapestries that I could float on forever. But the project had been virtually silent since 2013’s incredible Marin County 12” on Adult Contemporary, leaving the world bereft of his soothing sonic meditations until a surprise appearance earlier this year on Cocktail d’Amore’s Iury Lech remix album. There Sam transformed “Posimeridiano” into a blissed out expanse of soft ambient propulsion and shimmering synth starscapes and now, building on the incredible strength of that remix, he has joined Lo Recordings once again for the much awaited third volume of his “California Cosmic Sound” series, Year of the Dragon. As usual, Scott Hirsch and Daniel Judd are along for the ride dropping golden waves of guitar alongside Sam’s cosmic vibrations, with Daniel in particular adding his Sorcerer sunshine to one of the coolest tracks I’ve heard in a long time, “Humidity Report 1976.” Elsewhere we get majestic new age soundscapes and tropical saxophone jams, as well as a stunning journey into the blinding light of climactic post-rock.

Hatchback - Year of the Dragon (Lo Recordings, 2018) The centerpiece of “Evening Mountain” is the repeated appearance of thick and soul melting saxophone lines in the vein of Seahawks, which initially explore soft sauna jazz over cavernous reverb toms, flashes of hot static, and warm throbbing bass currents. Kick drums and splashy white noise cymbals evoke slow motion disco but when the full beat comes in, the vibe skews closer towards crashing and epic funk. The drums also sound double-tracked and with each layer slightly out of phase, creating the effect of colorful percussive tracers flying through the stereo field while an overflowing rainbow of synthesizer arps dances with LSD-soaked chime percolations and cosmic streaks of harmonious light panning back and forth. Towards the end, a searing space sequence overtakes the mix alongside droning angel choirs and the “topographic slide guitar” of Scott Hirsch, which dots the landscape with echoing bell tones and wailing solos, adding a naturalistic romanticism to the polychromatic synth euphoria. And as the track comes to a close, saxophones are smothered in deep space harmonizers while Sam’s squiggling synthesizer madness pushes everything towards some wild tropical landscape of alien colors and psychedelic visions.

“Onarimon” sets the spirit afloat on meditative bass currents while chiming e-pianos sound like drops of golden glowing liquid. Anthemic polysynths are transmuted into new age shimmer and celestial pads move around majestic washes of Manuel Göttshching-style spaceguitar (possibly sourced by Is it Balearic? alumnus Kensuke Saito/9dw, who is credited here with “neon halo guitar”). Arcing layers of distortion wash blissfully over the body and a hovering cloud of synthetic wind and kaleidoscopic feedback glows with warm sunset hues, while the starlight electric piano arpeggios continue to fade in and out of the mix. Gentle acid sequencing forms a sort of bass lullaby as the glorious guitars weave layers of lustrous light and eventually the acid bass is moved up a few octaves, now sounding like an otherworldly harp. Then a throbbing four-four beat emerges while cascading repetitions of twinkling minimalism build us towards a washed out climax wherein the aqueous guitars sing underwater songs of dolphins and whales and kosmische solos bubble up into the starry sky. Ever growing tremolo chords flow out to sea and shooting stars rain down and then morph into brain-piercing streaks of light and there is a spellbinding yet understated back and forth between delay soaked guitar riffs and pillow bass synths as Sam lets the sound layers grow into incandescent clouds of solar spiritual beauty.

In “Humidity Report 1976”, aquamarine synths float alongside lush Rhodes melodies and outerspace sequences over clattering percussion and a building sense of rhythmic urgency. As the cymbals grow in strength and strange layers of sound threaten to overwhelm the mix, Sam and Dan drop us into a gloriously booty-shaking expanse of cosmic magic with perfectly placed claps sitting above a tight funk beat and interstellar synths and guitar arpeggios working in counterpoint to the dreamy e-piano ascents. Then we head into a gorgeous instrumental chorus with soft fusion synths weaving melodies of eternal prog romance over breaky lounge drums…like a soundtrack for fantasy kingdoms in the sky where shimmering light of all colors reflects off of every surface. And when we flash back to the body-moving funk jam, intergalactic synths now solo over thunderous bass waves and the guitars are smeared into blankets of solar flare fuzz. After a few more alternations between the smooth funk groove and the paradise fusion/prog chorus, we transition via a minimal jam of dusty MPC drums, tambourines, bouncing synthbass, and growing layers of dreamland keys into a new melodic world, one where the guitars build into a repetitive refrain of California coastal magic over a grooving ocean of positivity. And the track ends on a “Wish You Were Here” style AM radio cut-out, here joined by chirping crickets and other insect songs.

The introduction of “Year of the Dragon” surrounds piano chords that penetrate to the depths of the heart with aching slide guitars and a loose drum flow accented by sizzling hi-hats and island breeze bongos. The vibe is like riding through spaghetti western expanses on some faraway planet of peace and harmony, especially as e-pianos soaked in vibrato bathe the mind in a calming tropical light. At some point the song switches into a section dominated by spindly acoustic guitar riffing and gliding drumbeats, while hand drums continue adding colorful island wonder and mesmerizing arpeggios and electric guitar leads sweep everything into a triumphant drift. All the while, classical post-rock tremolo picked guitars ebb and flow in the background, building and building as the song progresses towards a soaring climax of overwhelming power, reminding me of nothing so much as Godspeed You Black Emperor!’s epic “BBF3,” only as if blasted into the balearic sunshine. Propulsive and explosive drums and chugging bass hypnotics underly the massive clouds of post-rock beauty as squelching acid synths diffuse through walls of hazy guitar brilliance. And after the drums back away for a celestial passage dominated by liquid six-string ambiance, we build back up for one more ecstatic rush through Sam’s starshine seascape before everything drops away, leaving just sparse piano chords to help the soul return to Earth.

(images from my personal copy)

[thebandcampdiaries]

Robert Abernathy has just dropped his new record Voices in My Head EP Vol 2!

Robert Abernathy is a country singer-songwriter hailing from Birmingham, Alabama. His new release explores different genres as well as focusing on stellar songwriting and storytelling.

The first track on the EP, Never Got Her Name, quickly grabs the listener’s attention with Robert’s charismatic performance, catchy hooks, and multi-layered production. What stands out the most about this first song is the positive and uplifting feel of the entire release. This brightness is also balanced with crunchy guitars and a direct rock vibe. The upbeat energy of this track is reminiscent of the likes of Cory Branan’s popular release The Prettiest Waitress in Memphis. Just like this well-loved track, Never Got Her Name combines a captivating story with solid production and composition. This collaborative effort was written by Robert Abernathy and Matt Freedman, and the song clearly showcases their talent and skill at weaving an engaging and fun story! It goes without saying that Never Got Her Name starts the EP on a definite high.

Heaven Has a Radio takes the record in an entirely different direction. The song kicks off with radio white-noise and an atmospheric guitar introduction that immediately sets the poignant and introspective mood. One of the highlights of this track is the beautiful lap-steel-type guitar sound, which gives the entire song a folk-Americana feel. This track was written by Robert and also Paul Cofer, and together they’ve crafted a song that has a deep meaning but the hook is still a catchy earworm. It’s also impressive that Robert is so eclectic and diverse in not only his songwriting but also his musical compositions and performance.

Next up, A Woman In Love shows an entirely new side of Robert. In this song, he blurs the lines between a variety of different genres, including country, pop, and soul. Instead of being restricted by the limitations of one genre, he just focuses on creating a song that is authentic that the audience can connect with. Written in collaboration with Marla Rubenstein, it’s also interesting to get a female perspective on a song that is dedicated to how a woman feels. It’s obvious that not only is Robert a talented singer-songwriter, but he also knows who to team up with to create a song that will stand the test of time.

A Woman In Love features soulful vocals, an electric organ, and finger snaps that emphasize the percussive element. The catchy melody also has a positive attitude and a lot of energy, making this one of the standouts on the entire album. It’s also impossible to listen to this track without tapping your feet and wanting to get up and dance!

Should Have Taken him Fishin was written by Robert Abernathy, Marla Rubenstein, and Thomas White. This song has a textural soundscape and a driving momentum that draws you immediately into the track. The lyrical composition is deeply relatable and inspirational. Lyrics such as “I don’t want to spend my whole life wishing / should have taken him fishin”, echo in your mind long after the song has finished. This is songwriting at its best as Robert has an important message to share with his listeners about family and taking the time to spend it with those you love. Should Have Taken him Fishin is reminiscent of the likes of Cats In The Cradle by Ugly Kid Joe, but with a more down-to-earth country feel like Small Town Southern Man by Alan Jackson. This is the one track on the EP that truly hits home with its thought-provoking lyrics, evocative imagery, and poetic storytelling.

When it comes to lyrics, you can’t go past You Can Always Come Home. In this track, Robert and co-writer Greg Wilson dive into the perspective of parents speaking to their young adult child who has gone out into the world to follow their dreams and be independent. Essentially, they tell the child that there’s always a place for them with open arms and unconditional love at home. This is a touching song that instantly makes the listener think of their own family and yearn for the comfort and security of home. The production aesthetic of You Can Always Come Home is contemporary and balanced, allowing for Robert’s honest and warm vocals to shine through in the mix.

My Last I Love You finishes off the EP with a jazz flair that once again showcases just how eclectic, creative, and experimental Robert is! This track offers a final expressive and passionate vocal performance, where he infuses the lyrics with his signature charm and natural talent. Robert’s smooth and inviting vocal performance is a great fit for this romantic and sentimental track. My Last I Love You was written without any other collaborators, which makes sense as it’s quite an intimate and personal track. You can almost imagine Robert serenading the woman of his dreams with this sweet-sounding tune. This is the perfect end of the EP and it finishes off in style keeping the listener hooked from start to finish!

Overall, this is a stellar release. It’s clear that a lot of thought and attention has gone into the production of this entire EP, and this is something that sets Robert above many contemporary country acts. Today, it can be difficult to come across an artist who can create something that is not only immediately likable and catchy but also has quality production. This is definitely the kind of music that you have to listen to more than once to soak in all the details! And once you’ve listened to Voices in My Head EP Vol 2 once, you’ll be coming back for more.

In this new release, Robert is inspired by the likes of country icons such as Blake Shelton, Keith Urban, Garth Brooks, and Glenn Frey, to mention but a few. If you like these artists then you'll definitely enjoy what Robert has to offer.  

Don’t miss out on this diverse record Voices in My Head EP Vol 2 from Robert Abernathy. Follow the link below to listen to this new offering from this incredible artist!

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_mIVl3_b7fUuwgTz_GNZhCSG44pXHi_Cqk

[uptightcitizensbrigade]

How St. Vincent's New Album Captures a Planet — and a Person — in Crisis

I'm seated with four other individuals in a room at the W Hotel. Before us, resplendent in an oversize gold jacket with matching gold boots, is Annie Clark, better known in the music world as St. Vincent. She's talking about her fifth studio album, Masseduction, as she plays a handful of tracks on a nearby laptop computer. "It's about sex and power and sadness," she says, swiveling in her chair. 

Clark, 35, first entered the music world as St. Vincent a full decade ago. Marry Me dropped in 2007, establishing the artist as a sweet-singing siren with a wild and electric sound to back her up. When I first listened to St. Vincent, I introduced her to my friends as a "punk rock Disney princess." In my own mind, I envisioned her beguiling all the creatures in a mystical forest . . . before setting it on fire.

"Are you feeling a jam?" she asks the room. We've collected in an intimate hospitality room next to the W Hollywood's sound suite, which houses an actual professional recording studio in the hotel. St. Vincent has just finished a photo shoot in the mini studio; we're set to go on a small tour after she takes off. For now, we get to have a small listening party where she'll play a few select songs from Masseduction and answer our questions.

She decides to lead with "Los Ageless," one of the singles that was released in September. It's only appropriate; we're literally in the heart of Tinseltown. When someone points out how very aptly St. Vincent seems to be channeling Los Angeles for the event, she kicks up her boots. "They scream LA, right? They look completely appropriate for this space."

While the rhythm and melody of "Los Ageless" is both intoxicating and electrifying, the lyrics are noticeably sad. "How can anybody have you and lose you and not lose their minds, too?" she asks. As the song winds down, she mumbles, "I try to tell you I love you, but it comes out all sick." It's this balance of highs and lows that really helps Masseduction shine. As the walls vibrate, surrendering to the rumbles of the huge hotel speakers, St. Vincent listens, swiveling slightly in her chair.

This sort of nauseating euphoria has been present in St. Vincent's entire musical catalog. On her second album, 2009's Actor, you'll find a perfect example. "Black Rainbow" starts sweet, with a light meandering flute sound driving most of the rhythm. As the song continues, the ominous, deep bass takes over until the final 90 seconds, when an intense electrical guitar slowly plunges the song into certain insanity. It's dazzling shows of artistry like that which have really carved out a musical space for her career.

When pressed about the dynamic between sex, power, and sadness in her work, the indie-pop songstress is quick to elaborate on the different levels featured in the album. "Sex and power, they can equal many things. They can equal surrender or they can equal intimacy," she tells us. "What, again, the culture is looking at now is the dark side of that, which is sadness, tragedy . . . there's a whole lot to kind of unpack culturally. We're at a moment that probably we should've exactly been at a number of years ago. But I do think that we're disassembling and reassembling what power is and who wields it. I really do feel that way."

After "Los Ageless," I ask if we can listen to one of my favorite songs on the album. "Happy Birthday, Johnny" is a classic combination: it's heartbreaking and beautiful. It's so specific, but it casts a wide net of emotional understanding. It also features Johnny, a figure who's appeared on and off throughout St. Vincent's entire musical career.

On her debut album Marry Me, she spends the title track begging a man, John, to marry her. "I'll be so good to you," she insists. "You won't realize I'm gone." On her 2014 self-titled album, she calls him "Prince Johnny." On Masseduction, Johnny seems to be at his lowest point yet. But who is he? Is he an amalgam of all the heartbreaks in St. Vincent's life? Is he metaphor for something bigger?

"I wish Johnny was a metaphor," she says, laughing. "No, the third of the Johnny trilogy . . . I think that some people are — like, tragedy is baked into them. But they also exist in this plane where they burn brighter than other people. So they also could burn out. And those are the kinds of people who break your heart time and time again, but you love them more at the same time. So that's about John again." 

With her admissions about Johnny, St. Vincent has shown her hand, if only in part. While it's true that Masseduction captures the bleak outlook that seems to be a part of 2017's zeitgeist, there's still a deeply personal aspect that seems to stem directly from the artist.

Though you'd be hard-pressed to identify the "Johnny" in her life, some of the singer's more recent romances have been a bit more public. St. Vincent began dating Cara Delevingne in 2015; the two were together until splitting in September 2016. (I'd suggest that "New York," the first single from Masseduction, is about Delevingne.) Though St. Vincent reportedly, briefly dated Kristen Stewart in October 2016, her romantic exploits have mostly managed to slip under the radar. Maybe it's because she's now in "deep nun mode," which she explained to The Guardian during a recent interview.

Romantic endeavors aside, St. Vincent doesn't necessarily cop to the idea that her new album is about her personal heartbreaks and sadness. Well, at least not overtly. "It's not a diary, because it's art or pop music or whatever, but it's very first-person. It's very much speaking to my own experience," she admits. "Which, sometimes, is to feel powerful. Or, you find yourself wielding power in ways that aren't particularly graceful. And then some of it would be definitely like being powerless. Powerless in the face of love or sex or drugs or whatever it is, kind of dealing with those forces that can swallow you whole if you're not keeping it together."

After the sorrow surrounding Johnny, St. Vincent next plays "Pills," another upbeat track that's almost delirious in its frantic pace. "Pills" is especially pertinent to the twisted yin and yang of being powerful and powerless. The manic guitar hearkens back to her previous albums.

In retrospect, it's easy to see how each of the musician's albums begets the next. The insane parts of Actor certainly bleed into the conflicting bitterness and sweetness on 2012's Strange Mercy. I mean, St. Vincent literally portrays a Gulliver-sized statue that shatters to dust in her "Cheerleader" music video. On 2014's self-titled St. Vincent, there are unmistakable references to the kind of dystopian vibes and global sadness she explores in Masseduction. I mean, just watch Digital Witness and tell me it's not a prologue for the "Los Ageless" video.

Once "Pills" ends, she opens up about where she was when she started writing the album. Her answer was entirely unexpected.

"The first song I wrote for it was 'Smoking Section,' which is the last song on the record, which is pretty bleak. I'm being really honest . . . It's one of those ones that my mom hears and asks me if I'm OK," she says with another laugh. "Yeah, it was on the Eastern Block, the former Soviet-occupied territory I was in. I was driving from the Czech Republic to Latvia and we had to skirt around Belarus . . . . long story short, it was a long bus ride."

While the song is admittedly dark, it's still her favorite song on the album. "I think that one . . . went through a lot of trying on different clothes to be recorded. I love that one."

With so much talk about the album's final song, it's only appropriate to end the event by playing it. Before she does, she returns to the previous notion about how the album is so personal and universal at the same time. "I have that emotional experience," she says, referring to the moments that inspired each song. "So it just seems like that's transposable. A friend of mine was telling me this great Kurt Vonnegut quote, the other day. 'Write just for one person, because if you write for the world, your idea will get pneumonia and die,' or something like that." She lets out another laugh. "You can look it up online, I just butchered it. But the idea, that if you can write truthfully about . . . your personal experience, that's going to be transposable to other people."

St. Vincent has been seated in front of us for the whole listening party, more or less. I think she got up to get a drink. But for this final song, the final song on the album — which seems to me like the very heart of the album, a track that synthesizes all of St. Vincent's pain — she opts not to stay. "I feel like I'll press play on this and then maybe I won't sit in front of you while you listen to it." She lets out one last laugh, starts the song, and leaves as the lyrics start. "Sometimes I sit in the smoking section . . . "