#i kinda... i still tear up when i think about my grandma too much and it's been almost twenty years

[writingroom21]

The Nanny

Pairing: Rafe x Nanny Reader

Summary: Being Wheezie's nanny was great. The only downside was dealing with the oldest Cameron, Rafe. What happens when his fascination with the nanny becomes a reality?

Warnings: Angst, mention of drugs, sexual harassment (some creep tries to force themselves on reader), forced kiss (same creep with the reader), slight comfort?, (please be careful if you have any issues with sexual harassment it doesn't go far but I don't want anyone uncomfortable), (let me know if I missed anything), fighting

Wc: 7.0K

A/N: One more part to go! Sad to see it coming to an end but thank you for all of your support.

Chapter 8: What are we?

You just watch as Rafe leaves. A sinking feeling builds in your chest. It’s like when you’re on a rollercoaster and you get to the really big drop. You always hated that part of the ride, somehow this feeling tops it. Fighting back the tears you walk to your room. Wheezie can wait until the morning, right now you just need to go to bed. You try to calm your breath the whole walk to your room. Scared if you made too much noise someone will hear.

Entering your room you finally let the tears go, finding solace within the four walls. The tears well onto your lashes, falling down in fat drops. Choked sobs echoing inside the silent room.You furiously try to wipe them away, hating how small you feel at this moment. This isn’t what you wanted. Deep down a part of you wanted him to fight for you. Seeing him give up so easily just adds salt to the gaping wound.

You strip from your clothes, throwing on a pair of sleep shorts and stopping when you reach for a shirt Rafe left. A part of your brain is screaming to find another shirt, the other is dying to have at least one last piece of him. Against your better judgment you grab the shirt and put it on. It faintly smells like him, another reminder how you truly thought he cared. The birthday cologne smelt slightly more bitter than it did before. But it was still him.

You turn to your bed, the sage green sheets lay perfectly flat, a bouquet of flowers on top. Walking closer you notice that they are white roses, your favorite. There’s a little note tied on the string that holds them all together. You pick them, opening the card to read it. I’m sorry Sunny. I fucked up but I can’t lose you. Please let’s just talk it out. I miss you. -R

The note makes you sob harder. He knew your favorite flower and he wanted to work things out. If you had just seen this before interrupting maybe things would be different. Maybe he would be he instead of walking away. Why would he remember your favorite flower? You barely even remember when you mentioned it around him.

“What are you doing?” The voice behind you makes you jump. The rose in your hand flies as you grip the scissors tighter.  You turn your head to see Rafe leaning back on the kitchen counter. “Jesus Rafe you can’t do that. You scared the crap out of me.” You lean on the kitchen sink, regulating your heartbeat back to normal. He chuckles a little, a small smile spreading on his lips. 

“Sorry didn’t mean to scare ya. Just saw you standing there and was curious.” He eyes your ass getting a perfect view from his spot behind you. “I’m cutting the stems of these roses.” “What Rose wants to be in every part of this house now?” He thinks he’s funny but he’s not. “No smartass. They are my favorite flowers, specifically the white ones.” You got back to cutting the stems, picking up flower to flower. 

He sits there and watches and you finish the rest of the flowers. “Kinda seems corny doesn’t it? Like every chick likes roses it's never another flower.” Rafe remarks. Teasing you for the choice. “Well I like them because of my grandma. She used to get fresh bach every week and put them around the house. I get them because they remind me of her.” That’s the most you’ve shared about her since she died. 

She was kind of the glue that held the family together. She always knew how to make everyone laugh. Always made you feel safe and welcomed. Your parents weren't that bad when you were growing up at first. They loved you so much as a baby, couldn’t have been prouder. Then the older you got the more money they had to spend. The more time they had to put into you and not them. It seemed the older you got the more problems they had. The more pressure they would put on you to be better.

Your grandma did a great job at shielding it from you for as long as she could. The flowers were the thing the two of you shared. Spending time picking out the right ones just to go home and build a bouquet. It was the highlight of your weeks and after she died it was over. You held on to the last bouquet until all the petals were left to nothing. Rotting on your dresser, burning holes into the wood to leave their marks. No bouquet felt the same after but it brought you comfort.

“Remind you?” Rafe questions. “She died when I was eight. I make bouquets to feel connected to her.” He just looks at you as you fill the vase with water, adding the roses one by one. He remembers watching his mom arrange flowers for the house. She would bring him along as she picked out various flowers. Always asking him for his input because he was her special helper. It was their special day activity, Ward would get upset at the sight of Rafe helping out. His mother would go to his defense, nipping Ward’s words in the butt the moment they exit his mouth.

It hurt to remember his mom, the memory causing more heartache than anything. The image of his happy mom crushed when he realizes she’s gone. Left him behind with a man that hates him. In a town where no one will ever care for him. But then he watches you do a simple action that brings her back. It hurts but he can’t help but smile watching you. “I’m sorry. I bet it was hard losing her. They look good, she’d be proud.”

You look him in the eyes, a soft smile gracing your face. Rafe can’t help but to think how beautiful you look. “Thank you. That was very sweet of you Rafe.” You praise. He blushes, straightening up and walking off. “WHatever don’t tell everyone now.” You laugh at him. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

The memory makes the feeling worse. He had remembered that conversation this whole time. It had happened early on to you working here, one of the first few meetings with the oldest sibling. You thought he was just being polite because you were new and you just told him something sad. But he still had that information stored away in some filing cabinet in his mind. The fact he still knew makes you want to find him and forgive him. Then you think about the fact he gave up.

You can’t really fault him, he has a right to do what he wants. Yet it still stings that you weren’t enough for him the first time and you weren’t enough for him this time. You place the flowers on the bedside table. Pulling the covers back you climb into bed, curling up into a ball and going yourself to sleep for the second night in a row.

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The sound of voices stir you slowly awake. “Come on, leave her alone.” A hushed voice breaks through the door. “I want to know what happened last night. She never came to tell me.” Wheezie’s hush whispers fully wake you up. “No, let's go.” Sarah’s voice firmly states, footsteps fading down the hall. The room is bright, the curtains are fully open, you must have forgotten to close them last night. The light is harsh on your eyes, they still sting from crying the night before.

Everything keeps replaying in your mind. Memories creating a slow motion picture just for you. They are on a continuous loop as you get ready for the day. Your mind keeps going back to what Wheezie said to you yesterday. Would you be okay if you saw him with someone else? No you wouldn’t, seeing him with Sofia was hard enough. You don’t think you would be able to handle it further.

That realization brings you back to the flowers and the note. He has kept the memory with him since that day. Rafe wanted to make it up with you and showed you that he does care about you. He used the memory to do something that would make you happy, even if he caused you pain. The note made it obvious he wanted to work things out, maybe you should have listened to him. He didn’t actually have any reason to stay loyal to you, no conversation was had for the next step to happen.

Once you are finally dressed you slip on your shoes determined to find Rafe. You look around the hall when you step out, not wanting to run into anyone and change your mind. You make your way to his door and knock. Butterflies fill your abdomen, the nervous feeling eating you from the inside out. “Rafe?” You call out, keeping your voice low. Your right hand opens the door and you are faced with an empty room. The room is still a mess, things littered everywhere, a perfect match to him.

Sighing you close the door again, heading downstairs to get some breakfast. Voices can be heard from the kitchen, they aren’t loud so it’s hard to make anything out. Entering the kitchen you see Rafe talking with Sarah and Barry just sitting at the island. “He shouldn’t be here Rafe. Dad will flip out.” Sarah argues with her brother. “He already doesn’t like me, why should I care?” He huffs out and turns around, pausing when he sees you at the door.  Barry and Sarah to look at what caught his attention.

“Well hello baby. Thought I would never see you again.” Barry’s voice rings in your ears but you can only focus on Rafe. “Hi.” You squeak, your voice giving away how nervous you are to see him. His jaw is clench, his hands forming fists as he looks at the man staring you down. “Let’s go Barry. We got shit to do.” He says pushing the other guy's shoulder as he passes him. Rafe gives you a nod as he walks by you and leaves. Barry tsk’s as he gets up making his way out as well. “That boy never learns does he?”

You just stand there, eyes glancing at Sarah. “I’m sorry I didn’t think you would be up right now after last night.” You smile at her and go in further to make food. “It’s fine. He already said he was going to leave me alone from now on. I just didn’t take him seriously.” Boiling water, you get the oats out of the cabinet, oatmeal was the fastest thing you could think of. “Wait what?” Sarah exclaims. Her shocked face staring at the back of your head.

You know she won’t leave you alone for the rest of the day. You have picked up on a few things over this past year. Never interrupt Ward when he is in meetings or talking in general. Rose really does care but the kids will never respect her so she lets them be. Rafe has been hurt for so long that he refuses to be himself now. Even though Sarah and Wheezie are different people they have the same personality trait. They care so much that they don’t know when to call it quits. Granted Sarah is better at keeping it at bay than Wheeze.

Knowing this and knowing how she feels about her brother you give in. You spilled and told her everything. How Wheezie accidentally was the reason why Ward knows what happened. How Ward was yelling at Rafe and how you stepped in. Then told her about the argument between the two of you. Finally leading to him saying he will leave you alone from now on. The whole conversation lasted all of breakfast, the oatmeal you made for the two of you long gone.

“I can’t believe that he just walked away like that. He was the one to mess up, he can't be mad.” She’s saying things you’ve already said to yourself. He did mess up and he shouldn’t be mad. But another part knows that you hurt him too in some way. You shut him out when he wanted to fix things. You ignored him and refused to talk. In the end you did the same thing he did, you didn’t communicate with him how you felt. “It’s not that simple, Sar. He hurt me yeah but I also shut him out. I’m sure that had to hurt him too, I can’t expect him to wait around for me.” You are trying to be reasonable. This is her brother you are talking about, you don’t want to be the reason why they are not on good terms. Things just started to die down between them.

“But it is simple. He messed up by kissing another girl and all you did was get space from him. He decided to just give up without much of a fight.” Her words force you to think back to when he was crying. Pleading with you to give him a second chance, just to hear him out. “He did try. I just didn’t give him the chance and it’s okay. He’s hurt and he needs his space too. I can’t get upset with him for doing the same.” Deep down you know you have a point. He is hurt and needs time which is what you did. It just hurts that when you figured out how you felt it was too late.

“Why are you defending him so much? I get that you liked him but he hurt you.” You are quiet, looking at your bowl. “Do you still like him?” She asks, watching your reactions. When she doesn’t get an answer she realizes it was deeper than what she thought. “Oh.” You both sit there, the weight of your unspoken words heavy in the air. “We never said we were exclusive. It was never something we talked about so he really didn’t do anything wrong. I just can’t hate him.” 

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The thrap of the tennis ball takes you out of your daydream. Wheezie had dragged you out to the country club for a round of tennis, stating it would help you feel better. It was sweet of her for caring but the exercise was not welcomed. You would rather be enjoying the day reading then out on the court hitting a ball back and forth. “How many points is that?” She asks, a smile bright on her face. “6-2 I think.” You respond. You bounce the ball a few times before throwing it up and hitting it to her. 

The rest of the morning was uneventful after your talk with Sarah. She tried to talk to you more about how you should be upset but it got nowhere. Once Wheezie popped into the kitchen the conversation died and it was over with. You were relieved when Wheezie didn’t mention Rafe at all after. Even happier when all she wanted to do was go out. That soon faded when she said she wanted to play tennis. It was just an excuse to see the cute tennis instructor that just started there.

Everything was going well until you were both leaving. You were stepping off the court when a golf cart blew past you. “Watch it, asshole.” Wheezie yells causing the cart to stop. The boys inside it all turn around and low and behold there’s Rafe with some guy you’ve never seen. “Watch it, Wheeze. Next time you might get run over.” The boy next to him chuckles. “Yeah, stay out of the way.” Rafe shoots him a look and the boy quiets down. “Oh please like you are so scary. Stop driving like a maniac and be normal.”

Rafe looks at you, eyes lingering for a little longer than needed. You smile at him, opening your mouth to greet him. He turns away before the words could escape. The cart drives off again leaving the two of you alone. He was really taking this leaving you alone seriously. You had hoped that he would be able to talk to you or be civil at least. You miss his voice, his smile, you miss him. Standing there you both just watch them drive off, walking to the building to get changed into clothes. 

Wheezie wants to comment on how Rafe didn’t say anything to you. Noticing the look on your face as he ignored you. There’s a nagging in the back of her brain to ask you about last night. Her anxiety is getting the best of her, she’s scared that Rafe hates her. She has seen him get really angry and as much as she isn’t afraid of him, she still doesn’t like it. Wheezie doesn’t want to be the reason why her brother is angry at their father or at you.

“What should we watch tonight? I saw 10 Things I Hate about You the other day while scrolling and I’ve been wanting to watch it. What do you think?” You ask the younger girl as you walk the halls to the changing rooms. Wheezie clams up, her anxiety increases a bit more as she tries to think of an excuse. She needs this to go perfectly, nothing can get messed up. “Can we watch it as soon as we get home? My friends and I are having a Netflix watch party tonight.” 

“That’s fine. We can get some dinner and then watch it. How does that sound?” You ask while getting your clothes from the locker you put it in. “That’s perfect.” Wheezie wasn’t lying it was perfect. She needed you to be happy and complacent for the time being. She knows that you might be a little angry with her by tomorrow so she wants to butter you up while she has the chance.

You both got changed and packed up the rest of your things. You are trying hard not to think about Rafe but are failing. Would he still want a second chance if you gave it to him? Yes is the first answer that pops into your brain. Then you think about how he’s ignoring you and that changes. He seems to have no problems pretending you don’t exist, maybe he doesn’t actually want you. Maybe the roses and letter was a ploy to get in your bed again. Yeah that was it.

Snapping out of your thoughts, you have Wheezie order some food. Getting into the car you drive to pick it up before going home. The house is quiet, no one seems to be home besides Sarah. “Hey guys.” Sarah shifts her eyes back to the book in her hands. “Hey! We are going to watch a movie. Want to join?” You ask as you make your way to the living room to settle down. “What movie?” “10 Things I Hate about You.” Wheezie answers. “You had me at Heath Ledger let’s go.” Sarah bolts up, the book forgotten as it flies in the air.

The three of you all get comfortable and queue the movie up. You all just sit in silence, eating and enjoying the movie. Once the food is finished , everyone relaxes back. Only really speaking to comment on the movie. “Uh, I wish he would sing for me.” Sarah dreams out loud. You chuckle at her, nudging her thigh with your foot. “Want me to tell John B to serenade you?” Wheezie laughs at your teasing. “Oh my god. I would pay to see that.” 

You honestly can’t help but see the irony of watching this movie. Boy pretends to be into the girl only for her to find out it was all a lie. She tries to hate him but can never seem to, only to find each other in the end. But this isn’t a movie. Clearly Rafe is content with having you out of his life. There won’t be some big confession that absolves him of all his mistakes. He’s too proud to let anyone see how he feels. Maybe this wasn’t the best choice of movie.

Some masochistic part of you wants to feel the pain of watching something that will never happen. To soak in that feeling just to spite yourself. If the girls weren’t here you would probably be crying right now. Mourning the what if’s that plague your mind. It isn’t fair to do this to yourself and you know that. You just can’t seem to help yourself from finding comfort in your own pain. So used to the feeling that anything else seems foreign. 

The rest of the movie plays out. Patrick and Kat just made up and are now kissing. Every muscle in your body feels heavy. The weight of the situation pulls you down further into the couch cushions. The credits start to roll and the girls are stretching. “Okay I’m going to my room now.” Wheezie gets up to leave. “Already? It’s still early.” Sarah questions. “Yeah I’m doing a watch party with some friends.” Wheezie shrugs trying to walk fast out the room. Sarah squints her eyes at her younger sister and watches as she leaves. 

“Doesn’t she usually stick to you like glue until she goes to bed?” Sarah asks you. She finds it weird that she randomly watches parties with friends. She looks at you when you don’t answer. You were still stuck in your head that it took you a while to process what happened and Sarah’s words. “Um yeah sometimes. It’s good that she’s hanging out with friends. I’m not always going to be her nanny.” That’s when it hit you, this job isn’t forever. There’s no reason for any of them to stay in contact with you after Wheezie gets old enough. The girls would most likely stay in touch you know that. But you won’t be forced around Rafe anymore, maybe that’s a good thing.

“What are you even talking about?” She laughs. “You will always be a part of this family. At least you will be with Wheeze and I. You can’t get rid of us that easily.” She smiles at you. It makes you feel better having that reassurance. Even in the end you will still have them. “I think I’m going to go to my room and read. If you want to hang out or need me just come in.” You tell her. There’s a book on your night stand that you want to finish.

You must have been reading for an hour or two when Sarah bursted into your bedroom. “Is Wheezie in here with you?” She asks. You look up from the book, your face scrunching in confusion. “No, why?” Her face seems worried which only intensifies when she realizes Wheezie isn’t here either. “She’s not in her room and I can’t find her around the house. I wanted my sweater back and she was just gone.” Worry starts to gnaw at you. She has to be here somewhere, she couldn’t have just disappeared.

“Hold on. She has to be here somewhere. I’m just going to call her.” You place your book down and grab your phone. You dial her number and it rings. Sarah just stares waiting to see what happens. She didn’t answer. “Nothing.” You say. Sarah sighs not knowing what to do. “Let me track her phone.” Sarah gives you a bewildered look. “You track us?” She practically yells. “No. Your dad put it on Wheezie’s phone and I just have access to it. I never use it but this is kinda important.”

The app shows Wheezie at a house not too far from Tanny Hill. “She’s at a house. It’s close to here.” You get up putting your shoes on and grabbing your keys. “I think she’s at Trevor’s party. The one she was talking about yesterday.” Crap. Of course, that’s why she had a watch party. She just wanted me to leave her alone so she could sneak off. 

The car ride to the party was tense. You were so upset and worried. She went behind your back and put herself at risk to go to this party. No one knew where she was and something could have happened to her. Oh god what if something did happen? She is still young and people like to take advantage of that. This situation is setting panic alarms in your mind. You just hope Ward doesn’t find out because the Rafe situation can be forgiven. Letting his teen daughter go to a party and get drunk might be his last straw.

Loud music is blasting as you pull into the street. There are people everywhere and the feeling of dread increases. It’s going to take forever to find her here. Not only that, you know Rafe is around. There’s no way that he would miss the opportunity to sell and take drugs. Walking into the house was a hassle, people kept blocking the way. Drinks are being spilled on you, soaking your shoes in the process. This is the one thing you hate about parties, they are always a mess. People get too drunk and throw up everywhere. Others start fights or spend the night taking copious amounts of drugs. You don’t judge them, it's just not something you enjoy.

“We should split up. I’ll call you if I find her.” Sarah yells over the music. “Sounds good.” You head towards the stairs to check up stairs. The stairs are littered with cups making the floors sticky. Most of the doors are closed so you have to open each one. You found a couple in one room, the rest being empty or locked. Laughter fills your ears from the other end of the hall. Walking over you see a group of guys all sitting around.

Looking closer you can see that they are doing line and in the middle of all of them was Rafe. Barry was sitting next to him chatting up a customer trying to upsell. A girl enters your view and you watch as she walks over to Rafe. She leans down and whispers in her ear and rests her hand on his shoulder. You watch as he smiles up at her, shaking a little bag in her face. He turns to make a line for her on the table and he catches your eyes.

He freezes, the card in his hand stalling. He picks up his actions when the girl whispers to him again. She makes her way onto his lap and that’s when you look away. Heading back down the stairs, missing how he pushed her off his lap and shot up. How he looked for you but you were already gone.

You keep looking around the house. Stopping into every room to check them. The next thirty minutes were spent searching the house. You kept coming up short which was freaking you out even more.  You look at the app again and can see that she is still in the house. She’s here somewhere but you just can’t seem to figure out where. Your phone starts to ring in your pocket. “Hello?” You answer

“I found her. I’m bringing her to the car so we can leave.” Sarah tells you. Relief floods through your system. “Okay I’ll meet the two of you there.” She hangs up. Knowing that Wheezie is safe now you are ready to leave. You walk through the living room, eyes trained on the front door next to the kitchen. A body blocks you as you get right outside the living room. “Hey.” Some random guy says.

“Uh hey?” You say wearily. You are a little weirded out. You have never seen this guy before and he keeps blocking you as you try to get around him. “You’re that nanny for Rafe’s little sister right?” He asks. “Yeah.” He nods at you. His hands are in his pockets, he looks a little awkward like this. He takes a step closer to you, your body backing up closer to the wall. “Sorry for what he did to you. Think he’s kinda stupid for letting a girl like you go.” He says. 

As if his words would make you feel better about what happened. “Thanks. I have to go now.” You try to step around him again and his arm lands on the wall, blocking you. This is starting to get more uncomfortable by the minute. “Hey I’m just trying to talk to you. I think you’re really pretty. We can just have some fun.” He tries to ration with you. “I’m good, I really just want to go. I have to get back to Wheezie.” You try to push him off you but he just gets a little closer. 

His breath fans against your neck as you squirm away from him. One of his hands grabs your bicep, keeping you still. “Come one don’t be like that. I just want to get to know you. I think we could really like each other.” His body is now pressed up to you. You can feel how hard he is through his pants. It's disgusting. Your hand raises to his chest trying to push him off. It only makes it worse, in lips kissing your neck.

From the kitchen Rafe has been watching the whole interaction. Watching as he hit on you and how you stood there. He watches as his hands are touching you, his lips kissing the same skin his own lips touched. He was angry. Angry at himself for fucking this up, angry at his dad for being the reason he’s like this, mostly mad at you for moving on right in front of him. He was just filled with anger.

It didn’t help that he was so high and coked out that the feeling was ten fold. He had spent all day yesterday and today taking bump after bump. Smoking the day away and drinking. There’s so much in his system that he’s surprised he’s even standing. No matter how much he takes you are always still there. There in his home, at the country club and now here. He can handle seeing you, not really but he could manage. But he can’t stand there and watch as you are with someone else. His breaking point is when the guy kisses you.

He doesn’t know what he’s doing. One moment he was just watching you, hating his life. Now he’s marching over to drag you out of here and yell at you. You can’t just rub it in his face how little he means to you. He was about to call you out when he heard you speak. “Get off of me.” It’s like a switch flipped. He is now paying attention to your body language. Rafe sees her hands trying to push his chest. How the guy keeps grabbing them to bring them down to his pants. “Just shut up and stay still.”

That was Rafe’s breaking point. He grabs the guy from the back of his shirt, throwing him to the ground. You watch in horror as the guy hits the floor in a hard thump. Rafe’s fist meets the guy's face in an instant. You stand there as his body holds the guy down and he keeps hitting him. Everyone is yelling in horror, telling Rafe to stop. “What is wrong with you? She told you to get off her.” Rafe yells. 

His voice snaps you out of it. The guy is trying to block Rafe’s hits but he can’t do much in his position. Rafe has him trapped on the floor. “Rafe stop, let him go.” You yell. You really don’t want to be the reason that he got into a fight. It’s bad enough that his dad yelled at him over you.

Topper and Kelce run over, dragging Rafe off of the poor guy. “Fucking touch her again and I swear I’ll kill you. I won’t hesitate if I see you near her again.” Rafe screams as his friends drag him away. You look at the guy on the floor, he just lays there as people try to check on him. “God he’s such a psycho. Who just attacks a random guy.” Someone says as they pull out their phone to call the cops. “Maybe he shouldn’t be such a creep forcing himself onto people.” You say without thinking. Heads turn to look at you in confusion. Some people connect the dots as to what happened. “DId he try to..” You walk away before people can ask questions.

You find Rafe outside, pacing in circles as he yells at his friends. “Why would you pull me off? FUcking asshole deserved it. He’s lucking I didn’t fucking kill him.” The boys just look at him with worried looks. “You can’t just say you are going to kill people Rafe.” Topper tries to reason but it falls on deaf ears. “Nah I mean it. He was going to hurt her and I wanted to kill him. I would do it to anyone who even thinks about touching her.” The boys don’t know what to say. Rafe is like a ticking bomb when he’s like this.

“Rafe.” Your voice calms him, he turns to you. “Are you okay?” He rushes to you. Examining you to make sure that creep didn’t harm you in any way. “I’m fine. Thank you.” You don’t know what else to say. He helped you out back there and you are grateful. “I swear if he hurt you I’m going back in there and killing him. DOn’t care if they arrest me.” He’s being irrational. “Hey, just calm down. Everything is fine now. You made it okay.” He pauses, your words sinking in. He made it okay. 

He was the one who helped you, the one that saved you. He reaches out to you, caressing your check. Relishing the feeling of you leaning into his touch. “You should go home.” He whispers. Your eyes open and meet his. Their red and his pupils are dilated. “Come with me.” He looks at you, debating if it’s a good idea. “I can’t. I said I would leave you alone, so I can’t.” He takes his hand off your face, about to back away from you but you stopped him.

“I want you to come with me, please. You can’t drive like this.” He gave in, no fighting was needed. You want him and that’s all he needs to know. He steps closer, walking side by side to your car. He sees Wheezie and Sarah in it. “What are they doing here?” He asks you. “Wheeze snuck off to the party. We came to get her and when I was leaving well.” You look back at the house and at him. “Well you know.”

He nods at you, not saying another word as you get into the car and drive off. The car ride was filled with you and Sarah lecturing Wheezie on how dangerous this was. That if something happened to her and no one knew where she was it could end badly. Rafe tenses at this thought. He was so coked out he didn’t realize his own sister was at the party. You were right she could have been hurt. Look at what happened to you, the same could have happened to Wheezie.

He’s on autopilot as he walks into the house and up the stairs. Your conversation plays in the background in his mind. He enters his room shutting the door but not noticing how it doesn’t click shut until a moment later. “Are you okay?” Rafe turns to see you in front of the door. “Yeah, I just want to get to bed.” What he really wants is to take another line and sleep the thoughts away.

“I just wanted to say thank you again for helping me today.” You shift your eyes from him. “No problem. Didn’t want you to get hurt.” He sits on the edge of his bed, folding his hands and looking at them. “That’s all? I got the flowers you gave me.” you take a step closer, wanting to be near him. You want to fix this, tonight made you realize he does care.

“Oh yeah. You can just forget about them. Don’t know why I even got them in the first place.” Your smile fades, the small flame of hope flickers out. “So that note was for nothing?” He doesn’t say anything. Guess you finally got your answer, it's over. “Don’t know why I even tried talking to you. You don’t care.” You go to leave the room. “Don’t leave.” He calls out.

Your hand is still on the door knob, one twist and you’ll be free. “Why? There’s nothing to stay for.” You hear him grunt, the bed squeaking under him. “Do you think I want to be like this? I can’t stand myself. I’m a fuck up, everyone knows it. For fucks sake my own father hates me.” He gets up, adrenaline coursing through him. 

“I wish I could be normal. That I was enough of a man to be worthy of anything. I’m just a failure at everything so no point in pulling you down with me.” His eyes are collecting tears. His breath came in short bursts. “That’s the drugs talking. You are normal Rafe.” He scoffs at you. “No, the drugs just make it easier to swallow that pill.” He laughs out.

“I know what everyone says about me, I’m not stupid. Ever since my mom died I was some monster. No one wanted to be around me and I just kept acting up. I know I’m not worth anything, then there you were. My own personal sunshine. For a second I was able to forget who I was. I was someone else and didn't have to worry about the rumors that go around. Guess I forgot I don’t deserve good things.” 

He’s laughing but you can hear the hurt in his voice. Tears fill your eyes at the thought of him feeling so worthless. “You do deserve good things.” “Look at what that got us. I fucked it up and you don’t even want me around. I get it, don't get me wrong but it sucks. I didn’t think you meant anything, the little voice in my head saying I was a fool for wanting to be with you. I let it get to me and now whatever we were is gone.”

A tear falls down his cheek. “I lost the last good thing that ever happened to me. You know you’re the only person that cared about me. It’s funny not even my own family likes me but you did. You were a breath of fresh air, the sunny day after a storm. I finally had you and I couldn’t even keep that. So no, I don't deserve good things.” His voice raises. A hollow feeling in his chest, he wishes it was a blackhole ready to swallow him up.

“Is that why you call me Sunny?” The nickname starts to make sense to you now. “Yeah, you’re this bright light that took everything away.” He sits down on the bed again, looking at the sun necklace laying on his table. He picks it up, playing with the gem between his fingers. “My Sunny. So beautiful it hurts. I’m sorry I’m such a fuck up. Wish I was different, maybe then we would actually be together.”

Your breath hitches, was this just the drugs? He did say that it just made it easier to handle how he feels. “I don’t want you to be different.” You stroll over to him, stepping between his legs. You grab his head in your hands so he can look you in the face. “I just wanted you to be you. I like who Rafe Cameron is. Why would I want you to be anyone different?” His eyes are shiny, glossed over with the tears that keep falling. 

“It doesn’t matter now right? It’s too late.” His hand wraps around your wrist. “We can talk about this tomorrow. You should get some sleep, we’ll talk when you have a clearer mind.” You go to leave the room but he stops you. “Stay. Don’t leave me.” His eyes are pleading with you. “Okay.”

You take off your shoes as he gets up. He hands you a change of clothes and he strips from his, laying in his bed waiting for you. You don’t know whether to change here or go into his bathroom. His eyes are are staring at you and you decide fuck it. He divulged how he felt, you can give in for at least this. You change into the shirt he gave you, leaving the pants to the side and get into bed. His fist still holds the necklace, you take his hand. The piece of jewelry moving to you.

You look at it, mixed emotions fill you. The happiness when you first got it, how you thought it was a step further in the relationship. The sadness of when you found him at the bonfire. The confusion you feel at this moment. You forgive him. You want to get past this and it seems like he does too. There’s still this fear in the back of your mind.

He traces your facial features with a light touch, scooting closer to your body. You are both on your sides facing each other. His eyes are drooping, sleep knocking on his door. Slowly fading his consciousness as he fights it off to have one more minute with you. “I think I’ll always be in love with you.” His words are softly whispered between you two.

Your mind short circuits. He said he was in love with you. There’s no way he actually said that. His hand lays motionless on your side, the sandman claiming him as his next victim. You look at him and then the necklace once again. Shifting slightly as to not wake him, you put the necklace back on. You move closer to him, touching his jaw. Letting sleep take you with it.  “I’ll always be in love with you too.”

[aeb-art]

so i made myself sad with this one actually oopsies

mall toons belong to @8um8le 🙇

[jeonfiles]

sweetest apparition 01│ jjk

pairings: nerd!jungkook x popular!female reader

genre: angst with a bit of fluff and a bittersweet ending (and the tamest smut you’ve ever read)

synopsis: he admired you from a distance. everyone did. you're serene, words dance like ballerinas of your tongue, stars aligning when you laugh, the wind was made to sway with your hair, you were just too good for the world, and you would never know his name.

warnings: !! graphic deceptions of domestic abuse!! , jungkook is a little too in love, oc is kinda obsessed too, mentions of alcohol and drug abuse

wc: 12k oops

a/n: if you're triggered by domestic abuse pls don't read, i will write other stories without a single mention of it soon, im sorry i love you :( this story is just everything i wanted to write for so long and i hope you don't think its cliche lol

++ started writing this in 2021 and it took me so long to finish

masterlist │ my cc

14 days

A loud smack echoed in the dark living room, the smell of alcohol making him sick to his stomach, cheek red from the impact. He carefully held his palm up against his cheek as he prayed to god for someone to save him from this awful household, and his father's clutch.

Jungkook wasn't a crier, he had grown accustomed to the lack of parental love, yet it still stung a little when he heard his father curse at him, questioning why he even had kids. Dragging his feet down the wood-covered halls, Jungkook scrunched his nose in disgust as he saw mold growing on the walls, and he had no idea what to do with it.

His feet took him all the way to his room, dimly lit up with a little nightlight he had bought at the town's annual festival, and next to it was a birthday card from a few years back, which you had given him. He wasn't a stalker, it was just the only birthday card he had gotten from anyone. You were both 11 back then, and Jungkook had invited the whole grade to a party at his grandma's house.

No one showed up the first 20 minutes, and Jungkook cried in his grandma's arms until the doorbell rang, and a sniffling Jungkook opened the door to see you, smiling brightly, stretching out your birthday card with two ten thousand won bills paper-clipped inside.

Jungkook appreciated how you didn't pity him that day, how you didn't even ask about the other guests' absence. You just devoured the chocolate cake together, both laughing at each other and your glaze-stained faces. You never spoke to Jungkook afterward, yet you still left the biggest mark in his heart, and he would never, ever in his life forget you, and how you lit up a broken little boy's heart forever.

Tears prickling in his eyes, blinking them away, gone as fast as they came. He went to sleep early that night, knowing he would see you tomorrow, possibly the only thing keeping him from completely giving up. You were his everything, the light of his life, shimmer in his eyes, despite you not remembering his name. He didn't care, he would just continue fantasizing till it swallows him whole.

13 days

The front strands of your ponytail fell down in your face as you laughed joyously, bubbles brewing in his stomach as he tightened his grip on the book he was reading, The Lover by Marguerite Duras, a disturbing book, which he wasn't focusing on at all.

You were laying down in the grass, frilly pink skirt and a white top, summer breeze warm and comforting, as you giggled with two of your many friends, Jihan and Sooyoung.

The two last weeks of school before the summer break was your favorite, your report cards had been handed out and the school didn't require you to wear uniforms either, so you could wear all the pretty clothes you had bought, preparing for the hot weather.

A guy approached you, which Jungkook recognized as Kim Taehyung, your best friend, with who you were very comfortable, a bit too much for Jungkook's liking.

His whole stomach twisted into a harsh knot when he threw his arms playfully around her neck, quite literally, because he could feel his breakfast come up his throat as he gripped onto the bench, hurling onto the grass. In some ways, he knew it was coming. He had felt the weird feeling in his stomach since he woke up.

"Oh god... Look at Jungkook!" Jihan chuckled, a vicious tone in her laugh. A frown formed on your face, feeling bad for him, so you loosened yourself from Taehyung as you reached for your purse to approach him.

"Jihan." You gave her a cold stare, and she looked away awkwardly, "I'll be back soon." Already rushing over to the boy who was about to wipe his mouth with his hand.

"You shouldn't-!" You exclaim, and he freezes. He's still hanging, face facing the grass, huddled over the bench, saliva dripping from his mouth, probably an attempt to get rid of the gruesome taste.

Jungkook slowly turned his head to face you, and his whole body froze when he met your sympathetic gaze. Digging through your purse you found makeup wipes, holding one out for him to grab. He didn't take it, so you leaned forward to wipe his mouth yourself. "Yuck, this must've been horrible. Are you okay?" You smiled as the tissue met the corner of his mouth, with no trace of disgust on your face.

He didn't try to pull back either, he was so mesmerized by your face up close, he genuinely thought his fantasies had finally swallowed him whole.

Jungkook had an unreadable expression on his face, he was pale like milk, and you felt worried and contemplated calling for a teacher, but you realized they could probably not do any more than you could, considering you were outside of campus, in the park on the other side of town for another foolish class outing.

Placing the used wipe on the bench next to him, he winced and moved a little away from it, and you just felt relieved that he wasn't completely dead. You grabbed a water bottle from your purse, holding it for him so he could drink. It was a hot summer day, the scorching heat had probably gotten to him, lips dry like sandpaper.

He took a few sips, hesitating for a while until he kept drinking. "You must've been so lightheaded, you have to take care of yourself." He only nodded in response. You threw the wipes away and buttered up your hands in hand sanitizer and hand cream before getting comfortable on the bench next to Jungkook.

"Sorry if you don't want me next to you, but I don't think you should be alone like this. You have anyone who can pick you up?" He pondered on your question, only for a short while, until he realized, he had absolutely no one.

"No." He spoke dryly, voice weak and vulnerable. It made you want to protect him, but all you did was sit back in silence, placing your hand on Jungkook's knee, and he grimaced in pain, letting out a small whine.

"Shit, I´m so sorry!" You pulled your hand away, smiling apologetically. Your friends looked at you, questioning looks on their faces as to why you were sitting next to someone like Jungkook.

You brushed them off, and Jungkook crossed his arms protectively, and you felt a pang of guilt. He had only uttered a single word to you, as simple as "No."

When he lifted his arms up, you took it as an opportunity to let your eyes wander, noticing how frail the boy was, how his skin was light as day, and his bicep covered in a purple bruise on his arm, you couldn't help but think he had been sick for a while.

"Let's move out of the sun." You smiled, standing up and taking his hand, and he slowly got up, and you offered a second hand to help him get stable.

His legs were wobbly, the emotions were too much for him. He was holding your hand, you were caring for him, just like you did many years back. You hadn't changed, you were still an angel and not a product of his imagination.

The tears that had been welling up in his eyes last night finally came to the surface, endlessly rolling down his cheeks. You could nearly feel the sting as you heard his quiet sobbing and saw his cheeks turn splotchy red.

He looked embarrassed, mortified actually. You quickly placed his arm over your shoulder, as you started walking away from the open areas of the park. The bus station was close by, so you walked away from the park and your teachers, and none of you seemed to care.

A bus you took quite often luckily passed by, and you waved for it to stop, and of course, the bus driver stopped for you, a sight to behold, and you halted onto the bus with a sniffling Jungkook.

You both looked at each other, eyes widening when you realized that you had skipped school. Chuckling together, your heart warmed up, finally, he was smiling.

You wiped his tear with his thumb as you swore you would protect him from all danger. You both went separate ways that evening after you paid for some cheap mediocre sandwiches at the gas station, not talking much.

12 days left

The next time you see Jungkook, it's no different from the first, he's in yet another pitiful situation, nervously picking up all the books he had just dropped on the ground when crashing into Moonbin, another sleaze who has tried it with you.

"Watch your step dweeb," Moonbin growled, placing a foot on Jungkook's shoulder, pushing him down so his head hits the gravel.

Poor Jungkook groaned in agony, throbbing pain as he rushed to pick up the rest of his books, muttering sorry over and over again.

"Moonbin, what the fuck is your problem?" You stepped in, his saving angel. God had sent you to aid him, he was sure of it. "What has he ever done to you?" You spat, standing between the two boys.

Moonbin was a good 6'3, his height a little intimidating, yet you didn't budge. "Y/N-ah, seriously, stay out of it." His expression softened at the sight of you, and it only made you even angrier, stepping with full force on his foot, making him yell in agony, the little heel crushing his toes.

"Jungkook is my friend, and you don't mess with my friends." You smiled proudly, shooing Moonbin and his bruised ego away before you sat down on the ground with Jungkook, who looked at you like you possessed the world's greatest treasures.

You knew his name. You, Y/N Y/L/N, knew his name. He could squeal in happiness any second, luckily his throbbing headache kept him grounded, adoration glazing his pretty eyes. He had a little bruise on his forehead from the gravel, luckily no blood, and you didn't dare touch it, afraid Jungkook would cry out in pain again like he did two days ago.

You followed him to the bathroom, offering to hold his stuff for him, even his phone, case decorated in Undertale and Zelda stickers, and you laughed to yourself as you traced the stickers with your fingers. Out of a sudden, the buzzes from his phone wouldn't stop, and you flipped his phone around to see series of messages on his lock screen.

Dad 04:37pm

Where are you

You idior come home or i'l, throw your shit ouvt

Ungsteful brat no wonder your mom left tou

Heart dropping to the floor, you dismissed the messages and pretended you had never even seen them, scared Jungkook would close up again as he had finally started talking to you.

When he exited the bathroom, you pretended you hadn't seen anything, yet the lump in your stomach just grew bigger every time you looked at him. You started noticing, how his eyes were puffy, bags under his eyes, one cheek redder than the other, how skinny Jungkook was, and it made you shiver.

"A-are you.. alright?" He asked softly, and you only nodded, pressing your books up against your chest, trying to suppress whatever emotions you so desperately wanted to show.

He followed you home that evening, and you nearly cried out for him not to leave, not to go home to his dad who's texts had scared the living daylights out of you, so you reached for his hand.

"Stay for a while?" You pleaded, smiling, and he could see a little hurt in your eyes. He wanted to, so badly. Then he realized that he had a father at home, so he shook his head.

"I'm sorry, my dad wants me home." And you could hear the fear in his voice as he got ready to leave. His lips reduced into a thin line as you pouted.

"Give me your number at least." You smiled, despite being afraid, and he obliged, typing his number in on your phone, being extremely cautious because of the price of your new iPhone 12, while he was stuck with the iPhone 5.

He turned on his heel, and you couldn't stop him. He slipped out of your hands, your grip. You gulped, watching him walk till he was out of sight. You tossed and turned the whole night, which you never did, you always fell asleep in minutes. You were worried, a few dry cries probably left your mouth.

11 days left

He was present in class the next morning, a feeling of relief as you saw him with his nose down in another book, yet he looked even more defeated than yesterday. He ignored your smiles, he just looked at you with a dead expression and pushed his glasses up his nose, throwing his hoodie over his head, looking back down into his books.

Class ended, and you gracefully walked over to Jungkook's desk, because it seemed like he had no intention of getting up. "I made extra lunch this morning so we could share. You never eat during break so-"

"Y/N, leave." He pointed at the door, all the other students leaving, signaling for you to leave with them, you refused, and pulled out a chair to sit in front of him.

"You're all skin and bones, Jungkook. Let's enjoy this meal together, I can be silent if you want." You shrugged, grabbing two bento boxes from your backpack.

"Why do you care? Don't you have friends you should be spending time with?" Jungkook spat, not even willing to look you in the eyes.

You just kept smiling, opening the boxes carefully and handing him a pair of chopsticks, "You're my friend too, Kook-ah," and he accepted, a small grin appearing on his face.

He loves you, he absolutely loves you. He doesn't even mind that you feel nothing for him, you are so, so perfect. Jungkook could stare at you all day, letting your beauty sink in time and time again. He wants to hold you because you're so close to him, but he knows that you're two worlds apart, no matter the distance between you two.

You could hold him so tight he'd turn blue and you'd still be so god damn far away, you were so out of his league, as cliche as it sounds, it's completely true.

Eating together in silence as you promised. Jungkook was completely engulfed in your sweet, silent beauty, how you resembled a wave that hits the shore with such ease, splashing everywhere, landing as simple drops of water, which couldn't hurt anyone.

You weren't loud and outrageous, you enjoy moments of silence, you love everything enclosed, safe and sound company, exactly like Jungkook.

"You wanna come to my house today?" You break the comfortable silence.

"I can't." He replies, sounding awfully sad.

You could ask why, but you chose not to. You didn't want to pick scabs off wounds you couldn't see, so you waited till he told you yourself. Hoping he would.

"Okay. You have my number though, can we text tonight?" You smile, knowing it's weird to ask someone to text you, but Jungkook was weird too, so it didn't matter.

He nodded and continued reading a book you knew nothing about. You appreciate a good book, classics like Catcher in the Rye, and How to kill a mocking bird, but it seemed like Jungkook had taken the next step into the world of literature.

He made you happy, his company felt good. Nothing could hurt you now, yet everything could hurt Jungkook, and you swore you felt nauseous just thinking about it. You knew what was happening in his home, but you needed him to tell you, trust you, before you could help him. Give him what he deserves, he just needs to hang in there for a little while longer.

"Can't we skip school tomorrow, we can do something then? It won't affect our report cards!" You shake him excitedly, yet carefully, like he's fragile

"They'll call home, my parents are already mad at me for a bad grade I got last week." Jungkook sighs, closing the book he was reading. He lets out a weak, quiet yawn.

You think he's pretty like this, eyes puffy and lips pouted, hair messy, glasses resting on his nose. Jungkook has the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen, and you swore to god you could drown in them.

10 days left

See tags for warnings.

He dragged his feet down the pavement of a busy street, trapping onto his heavy backpack. It was a long walk since he had missed the bus home from school. He was tired today, even worse than yesterday. The summer sun was frying him alive, forehead covered in drops of sweat, hair sticking to his forehead.

Wearing a sweater and jeans was probably not the most comfortable choice, but sure as hell the most secure one. He hated his legs, and his arms covered in purple and blue bruises, and how he wasn't fit at all, in fact, he had never entered a gym before.

Sometimes, he'd take the long way home. He tried to convince himself that it was for health reasons, that he needed the extra steps because all he did was stay in his room. Jungkook knew it was untrue. The only reason he took the long way home is because of his father and his unpredictable mood swings. Sometimes, he'd be in a good mood. He might even offer Jungkook the remote and the best spot in the sofa after a long school day.

Today, he was just so exhausted he even took a shortcut. He just needed a nap and something to eat. Opening the front door, he carefully stepped inside. His dad was on the back porch, smoking a cigarette and listening to the radio. Jungkook couldn't tell what kind of mood he was in. When he went to get something to eat, the fridge was nearly empty. Just some cheese and a few jars of jam. Maybe he could find some crackers to eat it with.

Looking closer at the cheese, it was expired. There were no crackers in the cupboard either. He had to approach his dad and see what mood he was in. Slowly sliding the glass door open, he called out with his softest voice:

"Dad?" His voice quivered.

His father turned around abruptly, seeing his son in the doorway. "What do you want now? I can't drive you to school if that's what you're gonna ask me. If you missed the bus you can walk." Jungkook heard his voice getting more irritable towards the end of the sentence.

He had to be so so careful.

"Uh, no... I just got home from school." He stopped to think for a while and his dad raised his eyebrows. "There's no food in the fridge. I was just gonna remind you that you need to go to the grocery store."

Jungkook´s father stood up, pushing his chair back.

"Who are you to tell me what I need to do?" He came closer and Jungkook braced himself. "You're just like your useless mother. Can't do anything on your own." He hadn't raised his voice yet.

"Sorry... M´sorry..." Jungkook muttered underneath his breath. At some point in his life he stopped defending his mom. It was somewhat true. She was useless, at least to him. She had ran away from her husband, Jungkook´s father, and started a new family with a nice husband. She deserved all of that at the time and promised to come back for Jungkook once everything was settled a few weeks later.

She never came.

"I can't believe I messed my life up so bad. Look at your mother running away from her own son, to think that I married her! Even worse, look at the son that I raised. Such a weak and sad boy. I can't even call you a man." He was yelling and Jungkook knew he was only seconds away from hurting him again.

Jungkook couldn´t even bother replying before his head hit the porch floor. He was still conscious and his dad pulled him up by the collar for another round.

When he was done, Jungkook limped his way into his bedroom and his dad sunk back into his chair and turned up the music even louder. He sat down in his bed and slowly took his hood off, wincing from the pain. His mind drifted elsewhere and landed on the thought of you. How your kindness and care could have calmed him down in seconds.

He picked up his phone and looked at the text from you from last night.

Y/N 9:17 pm - Yesterday

Hi Jungkook, how are you? ❤️ I can see that you're reading these :( Read 9:19

Jungkook 5:45 pm

Sorry. Hi. To be honest I could be better. How about you?

Y/N 5:49 pm

Happy you replied and sad to hear that you're not doing well. I really want you to come to my house tomorrow 🙏 I even told my parents that I made a new friend who's not related to my current friend circle and they couldn't be happier!! Pretty pretty pleaseee

Jungkook hesitated for a while. Considering his dad couldn't even grasp that it was 4 pm when he came home and not 7 in the morning makes him believe that he won't notice his absence for a few hours tomorrow. And even if he did, it would be worth it.

Jungkook 5:57 pm

Fineee

Y/N 5:58 pm

Yayy I can't wait!!

For the first time in a while, Jungkook wasn't dreading waking up in the morning.

9 days left

Jungkook 1:22 pm

Should we meet a slight distance away from school or should I just go directly to your house?

Y/N 1:25 pm

What are u saying? Meet me by the main entrance and we'll walk together!!

And so he did. You walked out the main entrance with your entire friend group and you smiled brightly as your eyes met with his. He was caught off guard by your lack of shame. "See you guys tomorrow!" You smiled brightly, and all your friends stared back with a confused look as you skipped towards Jungkook.

"What are you doing?" Jihan exclaimed. You turned around to her and looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "I´m gonna hang out with my friend!" All of your friends looked at you funny and you pushed Jungkook along.

"Sorry they're being such idiots to you. I try to make them stop but I think they have some deep rooted insecurities." You chuckled after a while of silence.

"It´s fine." Jungkook forced a smile and looked you in the eyes.

"No, it's really not fine and you need to stop saying that." You came to a halt and he turned to you. He didn't say anything and you couldn't read his facial expressions.

He knew he was dead silent and you probably thought it was weird. Only right now was he taking in how beautiful this side of town was. Large mansion style houses with three cars parked outside each house, modern communal parks and clean streets. You fit in so perfectly here.

If he closed his eyes real tight and concentrated very hard he could imagine himself as a family man in one of these stunning houses. Maybe he could own a Benz that he could take his kids to school in. They would never take the bus and they'd always come home to open arms and a homemade meal on the table.

Warm and lighthearted conversations at the dining table with his wife and children, everything his mom and dad couldn't give him. A pat on the back if they fail a test and not a slap in the face. That's what he wanted to give his children.

Jungkook was lost in thought and so were you. You were stood there thinking about how stunningly pretty Jungkook was. When you were close to him it was almost heartbreaking how it hasn't been appreciated more. How his face belonged on a canvas. That's what you thought of him. You aren't the type to stay silent when you really mean something. For some reason the words just don't come out the right way when you're with him.

"Are your parents home?" He questioned as you kept walking.

"My mom probably. My dad will be home for dinner."

The rest of the evening goes smoothly. Your mom loves Jungkook and constantly gushes about how well mannered he is. Your dad appreciates that he only speaks when he is spoken to and that he has realistic ambitions. You spend most of your time in the upstairs living room playing a stupid board game and watching a dumb sitcom.

It's quiet most of the time but the both of you can feel that you enjoy each others company. Just simply co-existing and not being alone feels nice for the both of you.

As Jungkook is putting his shoes on to leave, your mom walks in. "Jungkook-ah, why don't you come over for dinner tomorrow as well? You're such a pleasure to have as a guest." She proposes, and he nods.

"If Y/N wants to spend time with me two days in a row." He chuckles slightly.

"You know I do."

He smiles, you exchanged goodbyes and he shuts the door behind him. Both you and your mom stay silent for a while before she breaks the silence.

"I hope this boy isn't a pity project to you, honey. You can obviously see that he's struggling and you can't just leave him behind when you're bored of him. He needs you more than you need him." She places her cold hand on your shoulder as she leaves you standing in the hallway.

You're not so sure that he really needs you more than you need him, because you so desperately need a friend.

8 days left

"Jungkookie, can I tell you a secret?" You're situated on your queen bed with floral sheets, both sitting with your legs crossed like 5th grade girls. Jungkook looked up and raised an eyebrow curiously at you as he nodded slowly.

"I was hanging with the wrong crowd a while ago. Not that I'm hanging out with the right crowd now, but you get the expression." You chewed your bottom lip nervously before you continue. "You know when I left school for a month to go to the Caribbeans?"

He lifted his eyebrows and widened his eyes in a "Yes... And?" type of way.

"I wasn´t in the Caribbeans. I was in rehab. An old friend of mine overdosed and I had to get drug tested. I tested positive on coke and my parents shipped me straight off to rehab." His expression softened as he placed a hand on your knee just like you had done to him a few days earlier.

"I was so mad at the time, I wanted to get emancipated from my parents. Today, I'm grateful. Grateful that they helped me so I didn't have to suffer the same fate as my friend." You sigh so deeply you could feel tears stinging in your eyes, but you managed to keep them down.

"Why´d you do it? Take the drugs I mean?" Jungkook asked ever so carefully, and you knew he only meant well.

"I guess I wanted to feel something." You shrug. "I think that´s why everyone does drugs in one way or another. To either feel or not feel." You smile sheepishly.

"What's your secret?" Feeling a little vulnerable and naked, you divert the attention to him. Maybe you're hoping to hear something about his dad. If he hurts Jungkook. That's what you suspect by the clothes Jungkook wears in this hot weather. How he always tugs at his sleeves.

"I want to study nursing." You stare at him and he knows it not as interesting as what you told him. "I haven't told anyone, ever. Maybe it's not what you wanted to hear but to me it's a secret." He stared down in his lap, not meeting your gaze. Chipping at the loose skin around a sore on his hand.

"That's really cool Kook-ah. I'm happy I'm the first to know." He looks back up at you. "Where have you applied?"

"I applied to PNU but tuition wise I think INJE or Dong-A is more realistic."

All of the universities he has applied to are all in Busan and you swore you could hear your own heart shatter. "Busan, really?"

"My aunt lives there and offered to let me stay with her for the first years of my studies." He chimed happily. "I guess I don't have the best relationship with my dad."

You decided not to push it, not to ask any questions quite yet.

"How about you Y/N-ah?" You liked the way your name slipped of his tongue so gently.

"I´ve already accepted my spot at Yonsei. I'm gonna study dentistry, so I guess we'll be in the healthcare field together." You smile, but you can't help that you're looking quite disappointed. In some ways you were hoping for Jungkook to be your forever friend, not a friend you occasionally see whenever you're in each others cities.

"When are you leaving for Busan?" You question.

"After summer, I guess."

7 days left

The empty desk in the classroom makes your insides feel like they're gonna twist and turn and send your breakfast back up your throat. His empty desk.

The two of you had grown abnormally close over the past few days, texting all night and spending the daytime together in some kind of way. Maybe it's because neither of you know how healthy friendships are supposed to be paced, you feel like you've been friends forever.

The entire day went by and all you heard was the tuned out noise of your loud friends yelling across the lunch table with nothing interesting to say at all. Only shit talk and gossip. There's always a new guy or girl to talk shit about. Usually, you wouldn't participate in the chitchat, so they didn't notice your sullen mood today.

No matter how much you tried to paint yourself as a saint or a saviour, you only saw an accomplice when you looked in the mirror. You had the power to make them stop picking on so many people, in some way, they saw you as their leader. Maybe they'd abandon you at some point, but wouldn't it be worth it?

Despite the fact that you never encouraged it, you never stopped them either. So you weren't better than them in any way although you liked to believe so. You liked the validating feeling of them obeying the things you told them to do, and you guessed that´s why you're too scared to confront them. You're scared that they'll rebel against you and leave you behind.

Y/N 11:21 am

Kook-ah, where are u?

Jungkook 11:24 am

At home The walk back from your house gave me a cold I think

Y/N 11:25 am

Oh no :( Get well soon and text me tn!! <3

You knew he was lying and you could feel your heart hurting from lunch time till you were in bed staring at the ceiling. "Honey! Dinner is ready!" Your mom yelled from downstairs, and you barely heard it through your door.

"Not hungry!" You yelled back, continuing the intense stare-off with your ceiling. Your mind explored deep and dark places when you were alone. Letting your mind slip back to your past or the worst experiences throughout your life was very typical of you to do.

The text message you sent to Jungkook is left unread. Until it isn't anymore.

Jungkook 8:21 pm

I really need you right now

You started blankly at the screen, heart pounding in your chest whilst typing your message.

Y/N 8:21 pm

Ofc, where r u???

Jungkook shared his location with you for 1 hour

You raced down the stairs, and your parents looked at you confusedly as you rushed past them and put on your running shoes in the hallway. You so badly wished you had your license. Darting out the door and slamming the door behind you, you weren't thinking straight. The air was cold for a summer night, but it was still bright out.

Jungkook lived on the other side of Goyang, a city right outside Seoul that you both resided in. Walking would probably take you 45 minutes at least. You didn't care. The wind ran through your hair as your breath was pacing. You made awfully loud noises as it was starting to get tiring. You refused to stop running, you couldn't stop running. Your body wouldn't let you.

The location Jungkook sent you was a park, and you guessed it was close to his house. Sometimes you picked up your phone for directions but you never stopped running, you only slowed down to a jog. A faint iron taste was present in your mouth and you were heaving for air, but he needed you.

Someone finally needs you.

You ran across busy roads, cars honking and people yelling out their car windows after you. At some point you even fell and twisted your ankle, but it only slowed you down slightly. At some point you start thinking of other means of transportation you could've turned to to get to him. This felt more rewarding.

"He needs me!" You yelled out like a crazy woman to motivate yourself as you picked up your pace.

"Your destination is 1 minute away." Your phone said from your back pocket. You looked around, and a bench with a silhouette sitting on it caught your eye. You ran over, head banging and feet sore.

You stopped abruptly in front of him, trying to catch your breath. You met his gaze. His teary-eyed gaze. All you could do was throw your arms around him and hold him ever so tightly. He sniffled into your cardigan and held you close.

He was gonna be okay. You didn't ask any questions that night.

6 days left

You were nibbling on a mozzarella stick your mom had packed in your lunchbox. Everyone else was eating the cafeteria food, but you couldn't stand the nauseating creamy pasta they served every other week. All your friends were talking about something you couldn´t focus on. Suddenly a few girls rushed over and shouted your name.

"YN-ah!! They're fighting over you!" You recognised a few of the girls; Jisoo, Heejin and Soomin. They had math class with you, and god, they were loud. Loud but kind. They´d always include you in their conversations since none of your friends were in that class.

You shook your head trying to come back to your senses. "Who is fighting over me?" You blurted out.

"Moonbin made the first punch but he punched back!" Heejin shook your shoulders and made you come with her. "Can you believe it?" She spoke yet again, dragging you down the hallway, your friends were right behind you.

"Who is the other guy?!" You refused to keep walking before they told you.

"Jungkook, obviously! He punched back!" They almost laughed in disbelief.

Jungkook. He was defending himself against Moonbin. The thought sent shivers down your spine. Moonbin was a self proclaimed professional in bathroom fighting. He'd fight anyone for any reason he could think of, just for the fun of it. He didn't leave Jungkook alone when you told him, in fact, it probably provoked him even more that you stood up against him a few days back.

The girls pulled you around the corner and into the mens bathroom. Moonbin had Jungkook by his collar, his nose was bleeding and there was blood on his blue shirt. He didn't look scared though. He looked completely and utterly numb. Moonbin turned around to see you in the doorway, and his face was pretty bruised up too considering the punch had only been thrown minutes ago.

"Moonbin, please stop!" You nearly screamed, choking on a sob. It only infuriated him more and he threw a gut punch at Jungkook. He winced in pain, and you let out a squeal as you could feel it slightly in your own stomach. The pain.

Taehyung came up behind you and you turned to him. "Please, for the love of god, stop them. For me." The tears were running down your face already, and he´d do anything for you if you asked. Taehyung rushed over and separated the two, and a few others who were watching helped hold Moonbin back. You followed close behind, and watched Jungkook slide down against the wall.

"Make them leave, please." You pleaded with Taehyung, and he obliged. He told everyone to get out as you fell to the floor next to Jungkook. You placed your hand on the cut on his lip and wiped the blood off.

"I´m so sorry. So god damn sorry." You sobbed uncontrollably at this point, and he was the one to comfort you when he was the one who was hurt. "Stop apologising." He held you this time.

"I keep making things worse for you. I act like some kind of saviour when I do the exact opposite." His gaze softens.

"It's worth it to me." He says, running his hands through your hair.

"You're worth it to me." You barely hear him saying it, but it's loud enough for you to hear. A soft, pained whisper.

"I think you're the best thing that ever happened to me." You reply.

5 days left

Jungkook was seated on the ottoman, his face covered in band aids and strips. You were twirling around outside the dressing room in a white summery maxi dress. "What about this one?" You question, doing an extra twirl.

"It's nice." He shrugs, letting his eyes wander down your body starting from the top. How the dress hugged you in the completely right places. Your hips and waist looked amazing, and he so badly wanted to touch you. Without the dress if he could, but he'd be more than satisfied with it on.

Your expression saddened as your mouth formed a frown. "Okay, should I be completely honest?" He asked seriously.

"Should I be scared?" You laughed. "Go ahead."

"I think it's beautiful. It's perfect. You're perfect." He said sheepishly. He meant it although he hesitated. You were so perfect. Jungkook hadn't been to the Louvre ever before, but he was sure that a painting of you would attract more attention than the Mona Lisa ever could.

He was sure people would travel from every corner of the world to see your face, even in a painting. Everyone who were lucky enough in person should be thanking the universe for blessing them with the opportunity.

"Really?" You beamed, heart pounding. "Is it okay for graduation?" You look down at yourself hesitantly, the cleavage of the dress maybe dipping down a bit too low.

"More than okay."

The sales assistant came to check up on you and her eyes lit up when she saw you in the dress. "It's gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. I think you need this."

"Honestly, I do too after such positive feedback." You giggled lightly. "Can you take his measurements and pick out a suit for him as well please?" You point at Jungkook seated on the green velour ottoman.

"Me?" He was flustered and looked you dead in the eyes.

"Yes, you silly." You smiled softly.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" He desperately pleaded with you with his eyes and pulled you aside.

"Y/N I can't afford this. I don´t know if you think that I have more money than I do but I seriously have to scrape together money for a new hoodie from H&M."

"No, god. I´m not making you pay when I dragged you all the way over here. Consider it a graduation gift. If not, salary for being my personal shopping assistant." You nudged his shoulder playfully.

"Look, I´ll wear some black pants that sort of look like suit pants and the school uniform shirt. I can't let you do this." He almost pushed you against the wall as he grasped both your shoulders. Unbothered, you pushed his hands off you.

"Can´t let my date wear something simple as that to graduation. My grandparents are gonna frame the pictures of me and you're gonna be in them. I want you to feel confident that day. You deserve it." You pull him in for a hug.

You walked back to the sales assistant. "Will you take him to get his measurements?" She nodded, and now it was your turn to sit on the ottoman. He ended up trying on a few suits, and you landed on one that the both of you really liked. You could see him sweat when looking at the price tag but you reassured him with your soft smile.

"Get changed and we'll go pay." He agreed and disappeared behind the curtain. You fiddled with your phone for a while before going to browse the store. Understandingly, a suit that was so perfect for his figure would take a while to get out off, but you went to check on him.

Between the crack of the curtain and the wall you saw him. His upper body undressed as he touched a wound. His whole back covered in purple, red and dark bruises. You had watched enough medical shows to know that they weren't from yesterday. He had more scars and bruises visible than skin.

He saw you in the mirror and turned around. He looked scared to death. Like you were gonna hurt him as well. "Y/N, what the fuck?" You stood frozen. You were scared too. All your suspicions confirmed. Sometimes, late at night, you'd comfort yourself thinking that you were overreacting.

He threw on his sweater and pushed you to get past. You almost stumbled. Before you knew it, you saw him outside the store window, nearly running to get away. Get away from you and your invasive self. He had hung his suit up carefully, and defeatedly you took it with you to the counter where your dress was laying.

"Can you get the suit delivered? I did something stupid and he's not gonna accept it if I turn up on his doorstep." The cashier understandingly nodded. You took your phone out as you waited for the cashier to finish adding up your total and bagging it up.

Y/N 3:12 pm

I´m so sorry I keep saying sorry but I really do mean it. I'm not gonna bring it up, ever. If you wanna talk I'm here but I´ll keep my mouth shut till you tell me to open it up. Please don´t close down on me.

"Excuse me, miss?" The cashier waved his hand as you had zoned out completely. "Sorry. Your total will be one point four million won." the cashier pointed to the terminal. (About a 1000 USD) "Delivery fees included." You swiped your card and he handed you a beautiful bag with gold writing.

Parts of you wishes that the suit was in the bag and Jungkook was walking nervously next to you.

You had to give him space.

3 days left

All of Sunday had passed without any replies from Jungkook. Your dad dropped you off outside school that morning. You weren't sure if Jungkook would be at school today, but you were dressed up pretty just in case. A pretty frilled blouse only for special occasions.

Like the gods had answered your prayers, you saw him. You met his eyes and he walked over to you. "Y/N-ah, I forgive you. I don't have time for anything else, I´m sorry."

"Time? What do you mean?"

"My aunt called yesterday. She needs help at her restaurant in Busan and asked me if I wanted a summer job and to move in earlier." He was studying your face to see your reaction.

"Jungkook-ah, no..." You whined.

"You of all people should know why I want to leave. Especially after what you saw." He tried to reason with you.

You threw your arms around him in the busy school hallway. "I know." You whispered. "It's okay."

"I just wished we had more time." You smiled bittersweetly as he pulled away. He wanted nothing more. He wanted nothing more than to stay with you forever.

"I got the suit." He changed the subject.

"Are you mad?" You gave him your best puppy eyes.

"Why would I be mad about a great graduation gift?" He laughed wholeheartedly, and his laugh filled your heart with warmth and gave you butterflies. He was making you all jittery.

Why?

2 days left

"Pour me another shot Jungkook-ah!" You held your shot glass in front of him as he smiled at you, pouring soju into your glass. You swung your arms around, singing to the music playing at the restaurant.

"Slow down." He said as he called for the waitress to take the soju away. "That's all for tonight, alright?" He patted your head. You liked the confidence boost the alcohol had given him. How he so openly flirted with you, and it satisfied some deep rooted needs of yours.

He paid for the drinks which you didn't notice in your state. "Let's walk home to sober up. We have school tomorrow."

"I think it's sad that we won't go to school together. We were totally acting like college students today and it was so fun. Drinking on a school night feels crazyyy..." You slurred and he pulled you closer as you almost stumbled over your own feet.

"Yeah, it is sad."

The rest of the walk was silent. Stopping outside your house, you felt a few raindrops hit your cheeks and head. Jungkook cursed under his breath. He had a forty minute walk home. "Do you have an umbrella I could borrow by any chance?" He asked shyly, retorting back to his humble, sober self for a second.

"No. Don´t wanna." You crossed your arms. "My parents are away for their anniversary. Won't be home until graduation." Tugging at his denim jacket sleeve, signalising for him to come inside.

"I shouldn't. I should go home." He refused.

"Sure, you should go home, but do you want to go home?" He looked so gut-wrenchingly sexy underneath the street lights, hair ruffled and a tired look on his face. Shirt unbuttoned so you could see his golden tanned chest.

"No." He replied, and you pulled him inside by his sleeve. You took off your shoes and for a few seconds you just stood looking at each other. Something was in the air. Something you had never felt with Jungkook before. It wasn't comfortable anymore, it was electric.

You needed him so bad and you were about to throw yourself at him. He beat you to it, he grabbed you and pinned you up against the wall. Your lips crashed and you didn't have time to catch a breath. You let out a few desperate moans to catch your breath as you both stumbled down the hallway over to the staircase.

As you were making your way up the stairs, you fell on your butt down on one of the steps and he got on top of you. You chuckled between the desperate kisses as he lifted you up the stairs. He was stronger than you thought.

He went down the upstairs hallway with you in his arms and into your bedroom with an open door. He threw you on the bed and wasted no time in trying to take off your shirt. "Kook-ah, I need you so so bad." You whimpered in despair, rutting your hips forward.

"I´ll make it worth it." He smirked as he kissed you. While kissing you he started unbuttoning your pants and you helped him. You were all exposed to him and he was completely clothed. You looked each other in the eye and slowed down. He started with his jacket. He hesitated with the shirt.

"Can I?" You looked up at him. He nodded slowly. You gently took his t-shirt off, and he felt incredibly exposed with all his bruises on display. You only smiled as you placed kisses on his chest, trailing down his stomach.

He took his pants off on his own and you handed him a condom. He slowed down again and you raised an eyebrow. Suddenly, a thought popped into your head.

"Kook-ah... Are you like.. a virgin?" you ask innocently.

He nods slowly again. "Don't treat me any differently than you would with an experienced guy. Some guidance might be nice but-" He says, panicked. You interrupt him. "So you want this?" You take his hand and you embrace it with your own.

"I want this more than anything." He kissed you again.

"I´ll take care of you." You bit the wrapper open and he put the pieces together as to how you're supposed to put it on.

"Aren't you supposed to do some sort of foreplay before?" He questioned awkwardly.

"It´s usually for the girls´ sake. I don't need that. I need you inside of me." You moaned, leading his body closer to yours. He let his hands slide up the side of your waist before carefully going inside you.

"Okay, do what you want with me." You smirk slyly as you whisper. "I'm yours."

"I know. And I will." He thrusts harder into you and your moans come out in unison. Tears start running down your cheeks and he checks up on you by stopping.

"Please don't stop." You cry out, placing your hands on his back. "Please."

He obliges and doesn´t stop until both your bodies give out. You fall asleep like that, bodies close and sweaty.

1 day left

This wasn't what you two planned at all. You both were pacing around your bedroom, refusing to met each others eyes. The alcohol had clearly gotten to you two yesterday and you the air was different. It wasn't comfortable like usual, or electric last night. It was uncomfortable. You felt like you shouldn't have let him yesterday. You wanted him to lose his virginity with someone he was in love with, not a friend he's been close to for 2 weeks at most.

Jungkook didn´t regret losing his virginity to you, not all. You were careful and tender, but you didn't treat him any differently like he asked you not to do. He was ashamed because he thought you would regret it. That he took advantage of you in your drunken state, and that you wouldn't touch him like that sober.

You threw yourself down on the bed and let out an exasperated sigh. He looked to you and it felt like he was almost choking on his own heartbeats.

"Do you regret sleeping with me?" He asked gently with a sullen tone, sitting down on the bed next to you. You sat up startled when you had processed what he said through your throbbing headache.

"What? No no no..." You cupped his face in your hands and stroked his cheek with your thumb. "I don't regret anything about last night, Kook-ah." You looked distraught, like you really meant it, like you were shocked by what he had said.

"Good. Cause I don't either." He placed his hand on yours. Jungkook took the hand you had placed on his face and placed it on his knee. He drew circles on your palms and made little hearts.

"Whatever this is.. Whatever we're doing right now; I don't want it to end." You smiled teary-eyed. He was leaving you and you didn't know what to do.

Jungkook wasn´t great with this kind of stuff. The touching, the loving and the expressions of love. All he did was nod quietly, and you knew by the look in his eyes that he felt the same.

You didn't know how to identify the feelings you felt for Jungkook. Throughout you've had boyfriends and best friends but none of them made you feel what you were feeling right now. Here, with him.

You had slept with a few guys before, and you've also slept with a best friend before. Taehyung, less than a year back. That felt weird, but not weird in the way Jungkook made you feel.

Not weird in a bad way.

"Y/N... I have to go. My dad´s at a meeting with the department of labor for a few hours and the moving trucks are coming in the meantime." He grimaced, wanting you to understand why he was leaving you high and dry at 6 am like this.

"Aren't you coming to school today?"

"No, I need to do this now or else I don't know how I´ll get out without him finding out." He put on his denim jacket and kissed you on the cheek. "I´ll see you tomorrow."

"If you're moving your stuff out today, where are you staying tonight?" You get up from the bed and you place yourself in front of him.

"Honestly, I'm not sure."

"Stay here." You propose, smiling warmly.

God, he loved that smile. He loved you.

That morning, after he left you with your own thoughts again, you walk to school with a skip in your step. Taehyung greets you by the entrance and asks you why you're so smiley and weird today. You tell him that it's just one of those days.

He knows why you're smiling and he hates it. It's because of him. Taehyung can do nothing but observe as you make it so clear to him that you are not his and he is not yours.

You spend the rest of the school day thinking. You had lunch in the cafeteria with your friends and spent most of the time chatting with Taehyung about trivial stuff. University, summer and graduation. He was also staying in Seoul for school and was attending SNU law. You were impressed, not knowing that Taehyung had been able to get his grades up to study law.

"My parents wanted to send me to Harvard but contrary to popular opinion, I think it sounds overrated. I like the idea of being a student in Seoul." Taehyung explained, making you nod your head in agreement.

"I get that. There's just something about Seoul." He smiled as he stole a spoonful of your seaweed soup.

"Hey!" You ruffled his hair, knowing he had spent all morning doing it as revenge. He flung a spoonful of rice at your face and you laughed almost hysterically as you managed to inhale a grain of rice.

After a while you're laughing calmed down and your friends had stopped giving you two a weird look. "Do you have an apartment yet or are you commuting back and forth from your house?" He inquires, stirring his food around as fidgeting.

"I was thinking of moving out but I just can't find the right apartment. There's an open house next week that I want to go to." You explain, and he nods along.

"Is Jungkook coming with you?" He asks, now fiddling with his own thumbs.

"Uh.. no." He looks up at you. "He's moving to Busan tomorrow." You elaborate, and a look of pity flashes across his face.

"Oh."

"Yeah..." Taehyung smiled awkwardly. "So I'm gonna have to go all alone." You were insinuating that he should come with.

"I´ll go with you." He suggests. "If you want me to."

You nod.

It was starting to get dark out when you were seated in your windowsill with the window open. The window from your room had direct view down to the street and your frontyard. As promised, he was there, outside your door, waving up at you.

The day of

Jungkook was trying to curl your hair. After a few burns and a little cursing, he was starting to get the hang of it. You were sitting in front of the vanity with him standing behind you and while he was curling your hair, you were doing your makeup. The two of you were both in bathrobes, your outfits laying neatly on your bed.

"This stuff is hard. I'm sweating in fear of burning myself again." He snickers, and you laugh along.

"I´ll blow on your burns when you're done." You smiled at him in the mirror and you saw his reflection blushing slightly. "When is your train leaving tonight?"

"I'm taking the KTX train around 8 pm so I´ll be in Busan before midnight." He announces, and you feel realisation creeping up on you. Sure, the train ride isn't that long with the speed trains, but he's still far away and you're both gonna be busy. Your parents booked you a graduation trip to Greece with them and then you´re flying straight to Aiya Napa with a few friends, including Taehyung.

"Okay." Is all you manage to utter with a sigh at the end.

"You'll come with me to the train station, right?" He questions.

"Of course." You smile.

He finishes curling your hair and you add the finishing touches to your makeup. "All done." Jungkook grins proudly.

"It´s really pretty, thank you." You shake out the curls to see them properly and run your fingers carefully through them to loosen them up.

"I´m gonna go change." He said, gesturing towards your bathroom.

"Okay, let me do your hair when you're done please!" You request, giving him the puppy eyes that you give everyone when you want something your way.

"Maybe." Jungkook shuts the door behind him.

A few minutes later he came back out, all dressed up. Except the tie that he was holding in his hand. "I can't tie a tie." He admitted ashamedly, letting a slight chuckle escape his lips.

You turn around to see him and you're stunned. He looked great in the white lights in the store dressing rooms, but in this light, he looked gorgeous. The morning summer sun shining in through your window, hitting Jungkook like a spotlight.

Getting up from your chair and walking over to him, your heart was pounding a hundred beats a second. You couldn't shake the weird unidentifiable feeling that you felt when you were close to him. You swung the tie around his neck and tied it tight, but not too tight.

"I´ll send you a video tutorial if you want to know later, but we're gonna run late if we don't hurry up." You smile, patting his shoulder., signaling that you´re all done.

You point your finger to the chair in front of the vanity and he sits down. "Let's see. Hand me your gel." Running your fingers through his hair, he closes his eyes in pleasure.

"It's really nice when you touch my hair." He hums in delight.

You alternate using the comb and your hands and soon you finish up. "You like?" You ask with a satisfied grin on your face.

"I love." He almost blurts out a "you." at the end but he manages to hold it in.

"Now I need to put my dress on." You let your bathrobe fall to the floor, now standing there in your white lace underwear. Jungkook rapidly turns away from you and you laugh.

"After what we've done you really don't need to turn around." You smirk confidently, knowing you're gonna make him flustered. He turns back around, almost shamelessly to watch you.

You slip into the dress and you struggle with the zipper in the back. He notices your struggle and gets up to help you. "Let me." He offers and you would never say no.

He turns you around so he's facing your bare back. He can't help but let his hands caress your back for a while, up and down, back and forth. Seductively, he pulls the zipper up slowly and you can feel his fingers brush up your back as the dress tightens.

Getting ready to leave, Jungkook grabs his little backpack of necessities since all his things are on their way to Busan. After you've celebrated for a while you'll follow him to the train station to say your goodbyes.

Your parents drive you to the ceremony and you both hurried over to get your cap and gowns. The ceremony went nicely, and both you and Jungkook stood posing in your parents photos with your diplomas in hand.

"Kiss her on the cheek Jungkook-ssi!" Your mom laughed and you looked to Jungkook who was looking at your dad with a frightened look on his face.

He placed a soft kiss on your cheek as your dad jokingly shook his head. "What a pretty picture." She fawned when she looked at her camera. "Jinho, come see." Your mother gestured at your father and his lips curled slightly upwards before he pulled himself together.

The whole moment felt bittersweet and went by like you were thinking back on a blurry memory. Giggles, smiles, hugs and joy were the most prominent things in the blur that you felt.

You and Jungkook collected a few of the people who hadn't left school yet and invited them out for drinks. You purposely picked people who you weren't close with, except for Taehyung.

You invited Jisoo, the girl from your math class, a boy you knew from Forensics club and a few others you hadn't spent that much time with. Stumbling down the street to a nearby restaurant, you meet many other classmates. You get situated at a table and you share embarrassing memories from high school.

"Jisoo, do you remember when you got that love letter from Sungkwan and you went around telling-" One of the guys at your table started before Jisoo interrupted.

"Stop! I've never been so embarrassed in my life!" She laughed as she reached across the table to give him a little smack on the cheek. You look over to Jungkook who's staring out into the air, ignoring the constant calls from his father.

You take his hand under the table and you stroke his knuckles with your thumb. His shoulders fall down a little from their tense position when you touch him.

The weird feeling gets you again.

You know that Jungkook doesn't share as many fond memories from school as the rest of you around the table do, but you try your best to include him in the conversations when you can.

"Can we go outside?" Jungkook requests. "I have a memory I want to share." You look at him with a questioning look but you oblige and follow him outside.

You're standing outside the restaurant, feeling the summer breeze blow through your hair and your dress billowed to the point where it looked like a fairytale gown.

He gulps. He has always thought you were the prettiest girl in the world, but standing in front of him now, you looked angelic. He silently thanked the universe with blessing him with your presence. That he had gotten the opportunity to touch you and to feel you like he had.

"Y/N. I want to share a fond memory of mine that involved you, many years back." He spoke so formally you almost laughed at him, but you controlled yourself and nodded along. "The year I turned eleven, I invited the whole class to my birthday party. I paced around the floor as the clock ticked past six and no one had showed." He pauses and looks at you.

"I had given up all hope that anyone was gonna show, until you knocked on the door with a birthday card. You were the only person that showed that night and I've never forgotten about it." He sighed and his chest heaved for air.

"I hope you don't think it's weird but I keep the card on my nightstand." He admits ashamedly.

You don´t say anything, you just pull him in for a hug. The two of you stay like that for a while before you go back inside. It's seven pm when you go back inside and your heart feels heavy when you see the time on your phone.

The conversation goes on but you're so deep in your thought that you don't participate. It's hitting you real hard. Jungkook nudges you and shows you his phone with a bus schedule on it. It leaves from the bus stop outside the restaurant in eight minutes. You start saying your goodbyes to everyone at your table before you walk outside.

It´s silent as you're waiting for the bus, silent when you're sitting on the bus to the train station and it's silent when you get off.

"Platform seventeen..." He mumbles to himself and points you both to the right. You could see the sign with the little seventeen on it from afar but you so desperately want to point him in the other direction. Make him miss the train so he has some extra time to think about leaving.

a/n: so sorry for interrupting but if u want u can read the next part listening to the song I listened to while writing (taking pictures of you - the kooks)

He grabs your wrist and leads the way when you hesitate. Platform seventeen is right in front of you now, and the train is already there. He's looking you straight in the eyes, dressed in a suit and hair done all neatly you swore you could pass out.

You knew it was over although it never really started. All you did was spend fourteen days together, moving extremely quickly forward from strangers to being in bed together. You liked those fourteen days, you loved those fourteen days and you hated those fourteen days.

"I have to go." His lips quivered and your eyes stung with tears prickling in your eyes. There came the weird feeling again. This time, it didn't creep up on you, it hit you like a wave hits you at the beach, the type that makes you lose your balance and swallow a whole lot of water, struggling to get a breath of air. The feeling was unfamiliar to you and it felt uncomfortable.

"I really liked these fourteen days." You smiled genuinely through your tears. He pulled you in for another hug, less stiff than the ones before. It felt good to hug him, to get that last inhale of his cologne and the scent of his shampoo.

"Me too. I loved them." He spoke into your hair as he took in your scent for the last time in a while as well. "Visit me, please Y/N."

"Of course. I´ll come toward the end of the summer." You pulled away from the embrace to look him in the eyes. Before you knew it, you were kissing. The conductor yelled out that the train was leaving and he was the one to pull away this time. You took his hand and as he walked away his hand slipped away from yours.

He stepped on the train and you saw him through the window, never losing eye contact. You stood still on the platform as you were reduced to tears. The dark mascara that was running down your cheeks were the perfect contrast to the gorgeous white dress you were wearing. His denim jacket draped over your shoulders and your strappy baby pink heels in your left hand.

You were straight out of a movie.

As the train started moving, the feeling grew stronger as it finally hit you. You knew what you were feeling, and you had been denying it for too long.

It was love.

You were in love with Jeon Jungkook and he was leaving.

a/n: honestly that's the end but if u want to read a sneak peek of part 2 then scroll down a little!! join the taglist here if u want to be tagged in part 2.

The Epilogue

Day 1140

It was late at night and your friends had dragged you out of your apartment to go to some stupid club that had just opened in Gangnam. You weren't friends with any of your old friends anymore, just Taehyung.

You and Taehyung could be considered more than friends but less than lovers. It was complicated and not exclusive so you thought that you might as well find someone to spend the night with. He was sleeping with other women, so you felt like you should as well.

The music was blasting way too loud from the speakers and it was awfully crowded on the dance floor. You finally made your way to the ambient bar that was on the quieter side. Club standard quiet, of course. You ordered a gin and tonic to loosen up and have some fun.

The first year of university, you spent everyday partying and bringing new guys back to the apartment you shared with your best friend Hayoon. She eventually grew tired of it and so did you. You spent the second year dating, meeting new guys from Tinder or agreeing to blind dates that Hayoon arranged, and that didn't work out either.

By the time you started your third year you settled down with being Taehyung´s something. Sometimes, your mind would drift back to what you felt for Jungkook. You hadn't seen him in 3 years and you never visited him in Busan, but what you felt when you stood on platform seventeen is a feeling you'll never forget.

You cancelled your visit to Busan in the summer and promised to visit for fall break. By the time fall break came around, he wasn't picking up your calls. You kept calling for a few weeks and in anger and spite you blocked his number and never reached out again.

You asked the bartender for a straw just so you could stir the ice cubes around. Boredom washed over you after a while, so you moved seats to sit closer to the one window that wasn't shaded black. You saw the busy streets, girls with wobbly knees and high heels who held on to their boyfriends for support.

You were scouting the streets for something interesting to let your tired eyes focus on. Just like fate, like it was written in the stars, he was there. Jungkook was there. Rubbing your eyes and closing them for a few seconds didn't make him go away. You got off the barstool and picked up your bag, ready to rush out into the street.

You didn't know what to say or how to approach him, but you had to do something. Maybe take his hand and lead him away, let him say the first sentence and really let his voice soak in. Let his words surround you and his hands touch you.

You walked as fast as you could out the door in your own high heels. You were like those couples, he was missing the girl in high heels and you were missing the boy to support yourself on. You stood frozen on the sidewalk as he stood across the road from you. A girl leapt into his arms, dark raven curls bouncing as he caught her and pulled her in for a warm embrace.

Only now did you take your time to process how Jungkook looked. He was buff and muscular with a tattoo sleeve. Only in a t-shirt at night, his arms were free from any bruising. You were smiling like an idiot until you snapped back to reality and realised that he was holding someone else.

She kissed him,

and he kissed her.

fin.

(for now)

part 2 taglist

[gadriezmannsgirl]

can i request a story where gavi comes home and finds his gf the reader crying in the dark? thanks 😊

A bit short but cute enough, I hope this is at your expectations 😊 i had a bit of trouble coming up with something for this so here you go.

Homesick -P.G

Summary: It's one of those days where you are homesick

Have you ever had one of those days where everything's going good, you are fine but still can't help but feel kinda weird? Like... You can't help but feel down, want to cry and just overall feel sad? Better said, a mixed feeling of homesick and lost?

That's what's totally happening to you after looking at a picture your uncle had sent of your late grandad. You had done a bit of clean up, you also did homework and finished in four hours, then you just made a snack and put on Friends with all the lights turned off, the only thing lighting up your face was the TV

You started thinking of your extended family who was away, of your abuela's food, your grandad's jokes you wouldn't hear again and the smallest things you could possibly remember, that much you don't know when you turned off the TV and just stared at it and then you felt yourself cry.

You keep on crying lightly, you were in your own world not even noticing Pablo had came home from training and straight towards you when he saw you crying your eyes out

"Mi vida, why are you crying?" He asked you worried as your eyes snapped to him, sniffling you dried your tears

"Everything's good, amorcito. I'm fine, don't worry. What about training? How was it? I saw Coldplay had been there, you must have been all over the moon"

"And now I'm all over the underground if you don't exactly tell me what happened to you, hermosa. I'm always worrying" He shook his head

"Just feeling a bit down today, I dunno" You shrugged your shoulders "Today's my grandad's fourth year of passing and I miss my family"

"We can always invite your mom and your brothers, include your dogs in the mix"

"I'd love that but I don't mean my close family, Pabs. I don't mean them" You shook your head "I mean my extended fam; my grandma, my tio, mis primos, everything and everyone. I'm missing my little town and my weather. I wanna be there with them for a few days during this time we all get a bit blue, but it'll be impossible"

"You're homesick, mi nena?" He asked pushing your hair behind as you lightly nod "What about we can go there?"

"We can't, mi vida. I have Uni and you have matches to attend"

"Not for much, season is ending we can go a few days, you can visit them, go to your grandad's, take him some flowers" Pablo pushed a stray of your hair behind your ear "walk around your town, anything you want" You look at him still teary eyed

"Would you do that for me?"

"I would do anything for you, Y/N" He smiled as you finally cracked a laugh and the longing feeling started to go away

"Then you gotta tell me when do you have your day offs, so we can plan it"

"Of course, mi vida. You had me scared being alone crying in the dark" You laughed

"I was watching Friends but... I suddenly didn't wanted to anymore"

He hummed letting you know he was trying to come up with something

"How about Flips with milk?" You nod excited feeling him kiss your lips and get up towards the kitchen "And some kisses to cheer you up too?" He asked as you roll your eyes from his smirk, but still nodded and smiled

"You know it!"

°°° °°° °°° °°°

This wasn't proofread, so I'm sorry if there was some misspelled words, I'll look it up thorugh it tomorrow and edit it tho!

Taglist: @gaviypedrisbride @stuckinaf4nfiction @elijahslover @azzpenswrld

[weasleytwinwheezes]

Cleopatra

Steve Harrington x HopperDaughter!Reader

Summary: After Hoppers 'death' in season 3, Y/N moves out of state to live with her mother. She spends the next 8 months healing herself of the trauma of seeing her father die. Spring Break of 1986 she moves back to Hawkins, but seems to be too late for the love of her life (Hopper is legit dead in this ok)

Warnings: angst lol, cussing, unrequited love (kinda?), miscommunication (kinda??), feelings of being replaced/replaceable, minor mention of panic attack, happy ending bc im not a monster

Authors note: I adore Steve and I couldn’t let this end with him being hurt lol

When you knelt by my mattress, and asked for my hand But I was sad you asked it, as I laid in a black dress With my father in a casket, I had no plans

“Marry me Y/N? I’ll take care of you. I have the money and I couldn’t stand it if you left me,” Steve begged, tears streaming down his handsome face. 

“This is unfair Steve,” you sighed towards the blank ceiling. 

“How? Why? We could be good together!” he pleaded.

“Because my father just died. Because the entire world is shit right now. Because you're only asking me because I'm alone now. I have no family here and you know that. Because I don’t know what I want anymore,” you sobbed, unable to look at him.

"You're not alone Y/N! You have me! I know this is a nightmare and you're scared. But don't you dare say you're alone when I'm sitting right here!" Steve yelled with a cracking voice.

Turning your head, you stared at him. Standing before you was the love of your life. The same boy who had been there to pull you out of that mall, the boy who brought a smile to your face, and butterflies to your stomach. But right now he was just the boy who reminded you of that terrible night and you didn't know what was worse. Pretending that you were going to be okay or pretending that you were still in love with him.

"Steve, I can't do this. I can't handle this right now. I don't know what's happening. This is too much," you choked out, chest tightening with the familiar feeling of a panic attack.

Pushing up from the mattress, you saw his face crumble. But the need to be alone overpowered the breaking of your heart, so you rushed from the room and never looked back.

And I left the footprints, the mud stain on the carpet And it hardened like my heart did when you left town

"Y/N Honey? Are you still there?" your mothers voice questioned, riddled with static from the payphone.

"Yes mom, I'm still here! Just double checking the map. It looks like I should get to Grandmas in about an hour or so," you responded, tucking the worn map into your jeans.

"Oh she's just going to love having you there. Give her my love will you? And be careful! You know how worried I am about you!," she babbled on.

"I know, I know! I'll be careful and I'll be sure to let Grandma know you're thinking of her! Now get off the phone! Aerobics starts in an hour and you know how busy the interstate is this time of day! You don't want to miss it!" you rushed out, itching to hit the road again.

After quickly saying goodbye, you filled up with gas and headed towards your hometown. The entire trip home had been stressful. The last time you were here was a nightmare. All you could think about was the events at Starcourt Mall and walking away from Steve.

Oh Steve. He was the only part of Hawkins you were apprehensive about. After months of therapy, you understood that you could have gone about the entire situation differently. But grief can often make you do irrational things. Even if it makes you pack up all your things and move 500 miles to Richmond, Virginia.

You had loved him the only way you knew how, by leaving before you caused him more pain. Your father had loved your mother the same way, so it was no surprise that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Steve had already suffered too much at your hands. It was you who pulled him into everything with the upside down and you were the reason he got tortured by the Russians. Walking away from him was the only good thing you had ever done for him.

But I must admit it, that I would marry you in an instant Damn your wife, I'd be your mistress just to have you around

Frankly, it shouldn't have shocked you so badly to see Nancy Wheeler hanging off of his arm like she did so many years ago. But it did, it made you feel like you were that same naive girl who watched the boy she loved fall for someone else. Maybe it hurt because the pain of seeing them together felt like it had the first time. Or maybe it was because he had replaced you again.

You didn't expect him to be alone and miserable like you were. But you also didn't expect him to be back with her. At least now you and Nancy Wheeler had something in common.

You had both broken his heart.

But I was late for this, late for that, late for the love of my life And when I die alone, when I die alone, die I'll be on time

The days in Hawkins quickly turned into weeks, then months. Soon enough it was time for graduation. You tried to tell yourself that you were going to support your old friends, which wasn't wrong. You had reconnected with Robin Buckley after moving back. So you at least had a reason to be at Hawkins football field. But you knew deep down, that you were going to see if they were still together.

Robin had practically begged you to tell you what went down between Steve and you. Repeating the same sentences, 'He never told us why you left. He just smiled and said it was for the best. Then Nancy started coming around.' 'You know he never said that you two split?' 'I don't even know what they are to be honest, he's never really said. But these days he isn't exactly Mr. Gossip.'

A part of you was happy he had found someone to be happy with but you wished deep down it was you.

As you stood there below the bleachers, hot sun beating down on you, you watched as families filled in to watch their loved ones graduate. Your own heart clenching at the memory of you dad yelling as loud as possible when your name was called. He was so proud of you and you hoped that he still was. Wherever he was.

So absorbed in your thoughts, you didn't notice the person walk up next to you.

"Y/N Hopper? Is it really you?" a voice startled you.

Turning to your right you were greeted with the face of the man you loved. He looked good, if that could even describe it. His face was plagued with worry and it was bruise free.

"Steve Harrington, to what do I owe the pleasure?" you responded softly.

"Oh nothing the pleasure is free but you could only imagine my surprise when I found out that love of my life has been in Hawkins for months and not once reached out to me," Steve spoke hotly, eyes boring into yours.

You could feel your mouth opening and closing, trying to form a sarcastic comment or just a response at all. But your tongue and heart stumbled on the word 'love'.

"And before you try to justify it, I understand. But do you know how embarrassing it is to have Dustin fucking Henderson tell me that you're back and have been since spring break?! I thought I was being pranked! I told him 'Y/N would let me know! She wouldn't hide', but it looks like I was wrong. You did hide. You didn't even try to see what would happen if you visited. You didn't even try to-"

"I did try Steve! I came to your house after days of trying to work of the courage! I came to apologize, to tell you about everything I've done, to tell you how much better I was. I came to see if there was any chance that you could possibly still want me. But I saw you with Nancy and I couldn't handle it. It felt like senior year all over again, so I walked away. I wasn't going to be the reason your heart was broken again, I couldn't do that." you forced out, fighting back the tears threatening to fall.

"Y/N Hopper, you're a lot of things. But I never took you for an idiot," Steve snapped.

"What ?! You ridiculous ass! I'm over here bearing my heart to you and you have the utter audacity to call me an idiot-" you were cut off by the familiar feeling of his lips on yours.

Suddenly it felt as though the weight of the last year fell off your shoulders. You knew you were missing something. You just didn't know it was this. The kiss was soft and you couldn't stop the tears from slipping down your cheeks.

Feeling Steve start to pull away, you reluctantly untangled yourself from him. Stepping away from each other, you both held your breath unsure of how to unpack what just happened.

"Look Y/N, don't you dare interrupt me. I'm not with Nancy. I haven't been with anyone since you left. Hell, as far as I'm concerned-we never broke up. I'm not even sure when you saw us together, but it was during spring break then I can explain. She's been helping me with my college admittance essays. I took a year off after everything that happened and I needed someone who was good at writing to make sure it was legible. I swear to you that's all it was. She is still happily dating Byers. I haven’t gotten over you. I can’t get over you,” he spoke wholeheartedly, staring deep into your eyes.

You could feel your heart pounding in your chest. He hasn’t moved on with Nancy. Steve didn’t go back to her. He had just admitted to wanting you still.

“I’m so sorry Steve. I was so scared to see you already and I guess I was I figured it was easier if you did move on. Even if I didn’t,” you replied softly.

Reaching to gently pull you towards him, Steve pressed a small kiss to your forehead and spoke, “Y/N, I never gave up on us. I know that I shouldn’t have asked then but I was so afraid you run away and leave us all behind. That’s wasn’t the answer though. I never stopped loving you because I think deep down I knew you would be back. I’m not angry with you, I never was. Just please don’t run away again baby. I couldn’t take that.”

As you opened your mouth to respond you were interrupted by the whine of feedback from a microphone with a quick reminder of “Please find your seats! The Hawkins High graduating class of 1986s ceremony will begin momentarily!”

Grabbing Steve by the hand you pulled him towards the bleachers, matching smiles on both your faces. As you settled in beside the Wheelers you squeezed his hand. Leaning in you whispered, “I’m not going anywhere Steve and the answer is yes this time. It was always supposed to be yes.”

[galacticxangel]

Wait I saw your comment on the meeting your mutuals/stranger danger post. You said you married your mutual? That's so cute. Have you shared that anywhere and if not would you share it here?

I’m pretty sure I’ve shared it passively, but I never shared the full thing just on its own, so I’ll do that here!

So back in Ye Olde Days (13 years ago), Ask Blogs were a big thing on Tumblr, and also, so was Minecraft! And wouldn’t you know it, I was running a little Minecraft ask blog. And then I came across another, which had amazing art and characters and I adored what I was seeing, so I followed, they followed back, I sent little asks, and we communicated that way! The blog I found was run by two people, @cosmic-anchor (Silvia), and her friend Lazzy (boyo where’s your blog). He’s still a mutual bestie today, as are a few other folks we met via ask blog shenanigans, like @knightlymoon and @ragnarode .

ANYWAY. We get to playing on a server together (we actually use a Minecraft version release date as our meeting anniversary, because it was right around the prerelease of Beta 1.8: September 9, 2011. How do we remember? Well, that’s when they released Endermen! And anyone familiar with Minecraft aakblogs knows just how popular those are today. But back then? HOLY crap. Everyone and their grandma has a Sexy Broody Enderman or a Sexy Broody Enderman Hybrid. It was. A lot), take to each other like a church on fire, and become besties! We have a little house together.

Long time passes, and we’re on pretty much daily communication, still playing games, etc. I went through basic training and she was one of the folks I sent letters to while I was there. We played D&D together (This was an entire fiasco where we lost one bestie due to an abusive relationship. She’s back now tho! Love you Lynn <3). Even in the military, when I got DEEPLY depressed, she was there for me and helped me out (I credit her for being alive today. I’m not sure I’d be here if she hadn’t talked me down and convinced me to see a mental health specialist). I get out of the military, get my own little apartment, and go ‘wait a minute. I can do what I want. I have a best friend I’ve known for like six years now. Let’s invite her down!’ And so we start planning our first

‘Down’ is an understatement. See, I live in Texas. She lives in Kentucky, literally a thousand miles away. And while I’ve got all my documents and paperwork and driving skills and travel under my belt, she… doesn’t. As the older sibling of a special needs person, and not from a very high income household, she didn’t have this stuff. So it’s up to me, and I’m too fired up about taking my bestie to a renaissance faire (yah we. Really nerdy lol) to consider anything but!

We get her costume ready. Her plane tickets. Her ids and everything, sorted. It comes to like. Two weeks before the flight. And I get a call at work. It’s Via. Now, this is weird. Over the years, we’ve kinda fallen into a system. Common communication falls into just a message (Skype at the time iirc, Discord didn’t exist just yet). Something kinda urgent gets you an alert ping (like @ing someone). Dire is a call. And my phone’s ringing.

Not good.

So I hurriedly excuse myself from the office to take it, and she’s in tears. Her dad’s gotten cold feet, and won’t take her to the airport like he promised because ‘what if I’m an internet predator’. I mean. I get it. I have a Southern Style family, too (This will come up later). But damn it, she’s an adult. We’re BOTH adults. Also, I just bought a round trip plane ticket! Also, at this point I know more about her than he does. He still thinks she’s straight. But he won’t take her because we’ve never met face-to-face.

It’s Wednesday. I look at my office door. I have my best friend, current queerplat partner on the line, sobbing apologies.

“Hey. Tell him to pick a place to eat. Dinner on Friday. My treat, okay?”

“What?”

“Tell him to pick a place for dinner on Friday. I’ll see you then.”

Thus begins the trek that cements me as ‘most unhinged friend when others need something’ in our friend group to the day. I go into my office, spinning a sob story about how some nondescript family member just passed and funeral and blah blah I need to go but I’ll be back on Monday.

Green light acquired.

I go home, and immediately go to sleep. I wake up around midnight, pack my bags into my little Kia, and off I go. 1000 miles. Now, remember when I said my family would come up later? Here’s later: I didn’t tell them. There was NO WAY they were going to just sit idle while I drove a thousand miles, ALONE, to meet someone I’d never met in person. I’d never driven quite that far, either. Not to say no one knew, I would plot two hours on my gps, send the path to Lazzy and Via, and check in when I hit the next stop. If I didn’t check in, they were told to call my parents if I was over an hour late. Which, obviously, I never was, because I’m typing this and not like, dead or anything.

I roll up to her local Cracker Barrel at 8pm on Friday, after easily one of the best experiences of my life (was out between cities on a clear, late summer night, got to see the Milky Way for the first time, got ‘adopted’ by a bunch of truckers at a truck stop I paused for a nap at). My hair’s a bit frizzy and I’m wearing a shirt that says ‘Watch Closely: I’m About To Do Something Stupid’. But her dad gets the firmest, friendliest Texan handshake I can give, and a bright smile.

Apparently, he never expected me to show. According to Via, I humbled him that day. I don’t pay for dinner, despite offering. I even stay the night.

She’s on a plane for Texas two weeks later.

(Bonus: it’s at the point I send a picture of the big ol ‘Welcome To Kentucky’ state line sign to my parents. This. Was not a good idea lol. But I had my big Texas meat swangin my ego and I was damn proud to be functionally unhinged. My dad scolds me and then gets me a hotel room in Little Rock, DEMANDING I stop half way on the way back. My mom calls me, yells at me, and then hangs up on me. Calls back an hour later to apologize because she wasn’t mad I went, she was mad that I was right when I told her ‘you’d have tried to stop me’. Ultimately fine, in the end).

There’s at least one other travel adventure (much easier this time! We were supposed to go to PAX South but were too lazy that morning so we ate pizza and played video games.

I move out of my apartment and start renting a house. I have extra room. And I think about my friend, who’s only left her tristate area twice now, both because of me. And I think ‘that’s my best friend! I wonder if she wants to move down here!’

Another 2k miles on my poor little Kia (who’s STILL KICKING BTW), and she now lives in Texas. This was about five years ago. We live in my little granny house that’s older than both occupants combined. You heard that right, though. Oh my god, We Were Roommates.

It’s about this time that apparently Via starts Getting The Feelings but BLESS HER she’s being SO GOOD because at this point I’m defining as Aro/Ace. Turns out it was just some anxiety/aversion because my previous relationship was turbo unhealthy! But I really like this chick, and I’m like ‘you know what, I’m scared I’ll mess up our friendship, but I’ll try these things. We already go on ‘dates’ and I buy you flowers occasionally just because I was thinking of you and we already snuggle every night because it helps us go to sleep’ yeah I was. Hm. Dense.

Anyway it takes off HARD and within the year, we’re married on the coast where I took her to see the ocean for the very first time, on September 9, 2023.

Our first anniversary is soon. 💕

[trollsedits]

Brozone + Dance moms references pt2

-I can do Jazz,musical theater and ballet.” Branch said smiling :)

After the concert shows John Dory would act like a complete jerk at most time he would say stuff that offended his brother such as “You need to accept the fact that I’m better than all of you.” John said Clay really wants to punch John in his square head face

“My older brother has the weirdest outfits ever… obviously!” Branch told other trolls

As branch was super stress because John Dory kept overworking him as branch was crying John Dory saw him “Branch stop crying.” He said “I’m a Baby I’m supposed to do this.” He said continuing crying which made John Dory rolled his eyes at branch

Sometimes John Dory would get on clay nerves because John Dory would push Clay to have his inner fun boy Clay which piss him off cause Clay wants to be taken seriously “Be Gone Witch, you have no powers here.” Clay told John cause he is pretty sick and tried of John Dory craps

Usually John Dory also give spruce a hard time aswell because he has to keep his heartthrob body and image which Bruce would say to John Dory “your entitled to your own wrong opinion.” He said once again John Dory would roll his eyes at spruce just like he always does

Floyd usually get lefts out during the groups you thought bitty b was left out talk about Floyd being left out John Dory thinks Floyd is way too emotional so grandma Rosiepuff would have to ask John Dory “When dose Floyd get a special part? She asked John Dory “When ever he stops getting too emotional and learn to save his tears for the pillows.” John replied

“I want a donut.” Spruce said (Same here bro)

After saving Floyd both Clay and branch got their first kiss from the two royal sisters to which the other brothers was in aww “Aww, Clay and Bitty B both had their first kiss in the same day! That’s kinda sweet, Twins!”

~No context if you read this you probably understand this~

“Did you just sit here and say that we look miserable maybe we should break up the band!” Spruce said

“No, I ever said that!” John replied

“Yes you most certainly did!” Clay said defending spruce

“NO I DIDN’T DINGBAT LISTEN!” John snap pointing at Clay

“Get your finger out of my face!” Clay said angrily

Floyd words of wisdom “Nobody’s perfect.”

As bitty B was singing he made John Dory cry because of how beautiful his voice was

“I made John Dory cry because I sing very good.” Branch said

“My dream is to continue singing forever I would kill myself if I didn’t sing.” Branch also added in

———————————

Sorry if this was short it was hard trying to find good quotes but I hope you still liked them

Like + Follow are very much appreciated! <3

[lady-of-glass-and-bone]

Grief Is Love Persevering But It Still Hurts

Pairing: Frankie 'Catfish' Morales x reader (kinda)

Warnings: angst, death of a loved one, grief, anxiety, mention of a panic attack, just all around not a fun time, sorta hopeful ending

A/N: I had to deal with the death of my dad and my grandma within the space of less than 4 days. There is nothing I regret more than not going with my mom and sister to see her the night before she passed. I was just so exhausted emotionally and needed rest.

Frankie doesn't think he's ever heard you be this loud before.

Most of the time you remain soft spoken, even if your words are serious. You have that way about you, giving someone a verbal hip check but in the same tone you would use to comfort a scared dog.

The first time you got loud around the boys was a movie night, not so different from the way tonight had started, where Benny and Santi had been arguing about who was right over some movie trivia, and it had taken them both by surprise.

You'd tossed a few well aimed M&M's their way, told them they were both wrong and to be quiet. Frankie remembers the look Will had given him, the approving little half smirk.

He's pretty sure he finally realized how much he loved you that night.

But this, this is a sound he never wants to hear from you, had hoped he never would. This primal scream that calls out every painful thing hidden deep in your chest until it claws at your throat.

The first cry that tapers off into a rasping whine makes damn near every hair on his body stand up, the way your whole body deflates along with your lungs.

Frankie can feel it where you're curled against him, his arm held tight around your middle to keep you from collapsing straight onto the bathroom tile.

There are no tears though.

Just the distraught vibrations of your vocal cords singing agony that he's sure all the neighbors can hear. Not that he gives a damn if they can hear.

He won't stop you, not now, not when he knows you have to beat this particular demon off your back with nothing but sheer force of will.

He closes his eyes when he feels your rib cage expand, pulling in another gasp and braces himself, your fingers digging into his arm where you cling to him.

Will is more than likely near the front door, ready to deal with anyone who comes knocking to complain about the noise. Santi and Benny are just outside the bathroom door, keeping Benny's dog from scratching at the door in worry.

Frankie knows there isn't anything any one of them can do besides be here for you, ride out the storm and pick up the pieces when it's blown itself out, try to fit them back together. Nothing you haven't done for all of them at one point or another.

The next scream is nothing more than a raspy leftover of the ones before it and your body finally seems to unravel, going loose and melting against his chest.

Now the tears come. He can feel them dampening his shirt where you press your face against it, quick stuttering breaths that last for too long. So he begins to exaggerate his own deep breaths, hoping that you can catch on and head off a panic attack.

He knows your mind is spiraling now, with guilt and grief and it's just not fair. Not for you, you've done all you can and tonight was supposed to be a small reprieve before the funeral.

Well, funerals now.

"It's not your fault" is all he can say and at first it makes you cry harder, shaking your head in disbelief but as he keeps murmuring the words you stop fighting.

Curling up as much as you can in his lap you begin to go limp, sometimes the tears threaten to start a new but you fight them back with Frankie's word.

It's not your fault.

Any of the boys would say the same and mean it. Eventually you'll believe it to.

"Okay" you whisper, voice hoarse and spent, hugging Frankie's arm tight.

"Okay" he echoes back, planting a kiss on the crown of your head, calling out softly to the others.

They'll be here to help you through this, through anything, just like you would for them.

[janeykath318]

Steve’s Christmas Miracle Chapter 3

Steve found himself back in his living room, with Darcy and Natasha lounging on his sofa, looking him over with great scrutiny. Peggy was still beside him.

“I guess that means it’s my turn,” Darcy declared, popping up from the couch and heading toward Steve. “Now, I’ll warn you, I’m still new at this, so I have to use physical touch to transport us. It might get a little jerky.”

She held out her hand with a winning smile and Steve took it with some trepidation. Much to his surprise, it felt warm and soft, not cold and clammy like he’d expected a ghostly hand to feel.

“Ohh, you’ve got huge hands!” she blurted and then immediately turned red. “Sorry, new at this!”

Steve was chuckling as they disappeared.

They appeared in a pristine room that was occupied by a small boy in a hospital bed. He had no hair and looked frail, but his smile was bright as he played with his Captain America action figure. A large poster of Steve adorned the wall and a man sat by the child’s bed.

“Is it true Captain America Steve went to the moon, daddy?” the boy asked. “I miss him.”

“I don’t know, Blake,” the father replied. “I think that’s just a rumor someone spread about him. It’s kinda hard to live on the moon.”

Blake chuckled faintly.

“Yeah. I wonder if he’s dead and they’re trying to keep it a secret. I never did get to meet him cause I was too sick. He’s my hero. I like that he fought bullies even when he was skinny and small like me. Makes me feel like I can do anything! I’m gonna ask Santa if he could bring Steve to visit me sometime.”

Blake’s dad swallowed hard and Steve could see him fighting back tears. He clenched his fists to keep back his own emotion, mentally making a note to visit all the pediatric units he could and try to meet this brave young man.

“Please tell me he lives.” He said tensely.

Darcy gave him a pained look.

“I wish I could, Steve,” she said sadly.

“It’s not fair.” He whispered, eyes welling up.

Darcy grasped his hand again in a comforting touch.

“I know, Steve. I know.” The look in her eyes told him she did now, all too well.

The scene changed and they were in a comfortable family home, watching three enthusiastic kids opening their presents. Steve noted that there appeared to be four generations present, as a small elderly woman sat in a wheelchair, beaming happily at the children’s joyous discoveries.

One of the girls got a giant poster of Steve and Natasha and squealed with glee!!

“OMG! My favorites! Thanks, Dad! See, Nana Maggie?”

She held it up to show her great grandma, who beamed with approval.

“Steve Rogers, looking fine as ever even after 80 years,” she sighed. “Did I ever tell you about the time he saved me from some creepy men?”

“No? Did he throw his shield at them?” the little girl asked.

Nana Maggie laughed and shook her head.

“No, honey. He didn’t have the shield yet. But he still scared the crap out of those jerks, even though he was half their size.”

The other adults in the room smiled knowingly at each other, having heard the story before, but the kids’ attention was fully on Nana.

“Will you tell us, please, Nana?”

“Oh, alright, Jenny,” she agreed good-naturedly. “It happened a few months before he left for the war and hadn’t yet had the serum. I was about eleven years old at the time and was on my way home from school when a couple of local toughs decided to block my way and try to scare me. Just when I was ready to turn and run, I heard this voice beside me saying “Leave her alone” in a fierce tone. I look to my left and there’s this skinny young man, not much taller than me, just glaring holes in those boys. He was so mad he was practically vibrating. Of course, the boys laughed at him and told him they could take him in a heartbeat, but Steve didn’t move. He just stood there silently, until they got bored and left. Then he made sure I was okay and walked me the rest of the way home. I never forgot his kindness. I was inconsolable when they announced he was lost in the war……”

“But then he came back and saved the world again!” Jenny exclaimed.

“He did,” Nana agreed. “Though I still don’t how how he survived being frozen for seventy years. He’s just too stubborn to quit, that one.”

Steve smiled.

“Aww, little Maggie. I remember her. Glad she had a good life.”

“See, Steve? People love you for the man you are, not for the title they gave you,” Darcy told him, turning around to face him earnestly. Her pretty blue eyes stared into his and he found himself wishing he’d found the courage to tell her about his crush. He felt sad again for her, having her life cut short so young.

“I guess so,” he admitted. “But man, I wish I would’ve talked to you. We could have been great friends.”

“Yeah, we could’ve,” Darcy said, a little too brightly. “But I’ll have you know, one of my last memories ever was of you lecturing a man for staring at my chest. It was late in my shift and I was alone, except for you. You looked so attractive all riled up.”

She fanned herself and Steve grinned.

“Are you saying you liked me, Darcy?”

“Oh, look at the time!” she exclaimed, turning a cute shade of pink. “On to the next Christmas!”

His hand was grabbed again and the scene shifted to Sam and Bucky, sharing beers and talking quietly. It looked like it was Sarah’s house, brightly decorated for Christmas, but his friends looked very somber.

“What are we gonna do about Steve?” Bucky asked. “He didn’t even answer my last few calls. I’m trying to give him space, but this is not working. I’m scared he’s not gonna pull out of this, Sam.”

Sam sighed and took a swig of his beer.

“I know. Depression is a bitch. Add to that the grief and untreated PTSD, and you’ve got a mess. Man, I would give anything to have him run past me at ridiculous speed, yelling “On your left!” again.”

Bucky chuckled.

“If you’d like, I could reenact that for you,” he teased. “I could leave you in the dust, too.”

“No thanks,” Sam snorted. “Just doesn’t have the same effect.”

“I miss his trolling, too,” Bucky added. “I wish I knew what to do. I’ve been surreptitiously leaving my therapist’s card whenever I visit, but I can’t force him to go.”

“No, we can’t,” Sam agreed sadly. “But we won’t give up on him. We’ll just have to do regular wellness checks when we get back and find ways to show him how much we need him. He may be stubborn, but his friends are even more stubborn—and sneaky.”

“Well, on a happier note, I’ve brought Sarah’s present.”

Bucky slid a small box onto the table and Sam stared, looking like he wasn’t sure how to feel about this.

“Bucky’s going to propose?” Steve exclaimed, eyes wide.

“Yep. And you would have known all about it if you’d just answered his calls,” Darcy informed him, mild rebuke in her voice. “He’s gonna do it tomorrow and you won’t be there. You snooze, you lose, Steve-o.”

“I’m beginning to see that,” Steve admitted, looking back at Darcy. She was clad in a crisp white suit, as befitting a heavenly representative, dark hair spilling down her back, and dark glasses frames that emphasized her lovely eyes. (Her figure was inspiring some not so heavenly thoughts, but Steve was good at self control.)

There was a long significant moment as they looked at each other, then Darcy reluctantly shook herself.

“We’ve got to be getting back now. I hope you’re starting to understand just how loved and needed you are. Please don’t give up.”

She gave him a very earnest look that made his heart warm and flutter a bit as she took his hand again.

“It’s been fun, Steve.”

Poof! They were back in his cabin.

[doctorguilty]

Hhg

I woke up a bit ago and went upstairs to make coffee while the kitchen was free but that did not last, my grandparents came in as I was washing the coffee pot and my grandpa's shouting more than usual because I guess his ears are clogged from congestion stuff, and he's also like loudly shaking a tin of trail mix for like an excessively long time like okay I think your trail is mixed,,, but whatever I'm telling myself eventually he'll at least stop that and I just gotta make this one pot of coffee. But he starts like aggressively asking my grandma "where are the leftover mounds candy from Halloween" and she's like "I dunno I guess they're all gone" and he's like "the WHOLE BAG??" Like he's unreasonably upset,, , they were fun sized mounds for trick or treating and the rest since Halloween, over a month ago, were left out in a candy dish this entire time so like i ate a bunch but also there are other people in the house, we had guests over multiple times, how long did you think one bag of fun size candy bars were going to last until December 14th ?????? But at that point I just put the pot down and went back to my room like I don't want to listen to them bicker about candy like my god just buy some more , but also since I had any of the candy at all it just makes me feel like shit, as I've been conditioned to feel, like oh I've made a horrible mistake eating the candy that was left out for anyone to take clearly I should know I'm undeserving of it, kinda gives me flashbacks to when he was more aggro to me when I was younger about eating too much stuff (when I was being STARVED at home with my mom), I fluctuated between not eating and sneaking food, which i guess is why my brain chose not to say anything about the candy like as an adult I logically know he's being irrational and I don't have to apologize for such a thing, and I won't, but at the same time I'm unable to advocate for myself so I also won't say I had anything to do with it. I just kinda keep quiet and hide. But it sucks like welp no coffee, I'm still out of energy drinks, I think I have half a 2L of Pepsi in the downstairs fridge I can maybe get my caffeine dose on if I drink like all of it, but also no food (I was hoping to make like a sandwich or pancake or something..) and like trying to hold back tears over my childhood flashbacks and thinking of my therapist telling me I'm allowed to take up space and eat and exist but it's hard in practice

Dec 14th!!! How long did you think 1 bag of mini candy would last with all the family traffic that comes and goes here c'mon now!!!! Just buy more just buy more candy!! But he also has a hidden stash of cookies and stuff no ones allowed to have so??? Grrrrrghh just stop I just wish the needless conflict would stop I wish the bickering would stop I wish the shouting would stop I wish I'd didn't have to feel so guilty for existing

[7-wonders]

Hey so I can’t remember if it’s ever been talked about, but how did mad love!Michael’s first meeting with his in-laws go? I’d imagine he’d be very nervous to meet readers family, and very worried they wouldn’t like him 🥺 obviously though they love him, and then he ends up getting teased by his wife because he was all worried for nothing lol

OKAY I started writing something like this last year where you brought him home for Christmas and that was the first time he met your family, but then I got covid and by the time I recovered it was just too far past the holiday season. So when you're reading this, keep in mind that this is why this snippet references Christmas.

Also, a part that I didn't get the chance but really want to write is Michael holding a baby for the first time when he meets your niece OR cousin (I haven't decided if I want to go kinda OOC and give you siblings, which is why I'm waffling back and forth)

ANYWAYS here's what I wrote during Christmas last year!

The plane flies high above the clouds, the light shining through to create a stunning painting for anybody lucky enough to have a window seat. Though you have a window seat, it’s impossible to focus on anything other than the ball of dread currently sitting in the pit of your stomach and has been since you realized you’re less than an hour away from your parents meeting Michael. Now, that’s all that you can think about.

“There’s no reason to be nervous,” you repeat yet again, squeezing Michael’s hand. “It’s gonna be fine!”

Michael looks at you from the seat next to you. You had insisted on flying home for the holidays, explaining to Michael that it would be near-impossible for you to come up with a good reason as to why you didn’t fly or drive home, and transmutation was not a good reason. So you booked two tickets for you and Michael, though Michael managed to change them to first class tickets when you had definitely purchased the economy tickets. Oh well, you weren’t complaining about the ample legroom. “I’m not nervous,” Michael reassures you.

You laugh incredulously. “But I am.”

“Y/n, it’s going to be okay. Parents love me!”

“...have you ever even met anybody who’s a parent?”

“My grandma, though she killed herself to get away from me. My mother, who tried to kill me. Oh, Ben Harmon! He told me he never wanted to see me again, though.”

The man in the row ahead turns around in concern, and you smile reassuringly at him. “He’s joking, don’t worry.” Your fellow traveler begrudgingly goes back to whatever he was doing, though you can tell by the way that he doesn’t turn the pages of his book that he’s trying to eavesdrop.

“Sorry,” Michael mutters in your ear.

“I’m sorry. I just really want this week to go well.”

“And it’s going to.”

“I know,” you sigh heavily.

Michael laughs, but you can hear the endearment behind it. “Besides, if it starts going south, I have a quick escape plan that’s guaranteed to work.”

You disembark the plane with the knowledge that Michael can transmute you both away if need be, though that doesn’t make you feel too much better considering the need for transmutation would mean that everything has gone horribly wrong. After grabbing your bags from baggage claim, you and Michael set out to find your parents. As you descend the escalator, you see them before they see you, and you break out into a grin. Even though you’re an adult now, your parents still have the ability to make any fear or anxiety disappear almost instantly.

Your mom notices you first–you can see the way her big eyes grow impossibly wider and how she starts to hit your dad’s arm so that he pulls his attention away from the arrivals and departures board. Despite being in a very crowded place and dragging your husband/boyfriend (you had both kind of decided to just be boyfriend and girlfriend, since you were only married in the eyes of the Church of Satan and not legally) behind you, you can feel your eyes pricking with tears. You haven’t seen them in months now, and just being in the same area as them is already making you a little emotional.

It’s a good thing Michael’s right next to you, because you almost throw the bags at him when you step off the escalator so you can sprint to your parents. Your arms go around them at the same time that they envelop you in their own arms. In a split second, you’re home.

“Hi,” you say against your mom’s shoulder, taking a moment to enjoy how familiar and comfortable her shirt smells.

“Hi, baby.” Your mom rubs your back before pulling away so that she can actually look at you. “We’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you guys too.” Your dad kisses the top of your head, making you look up in a grin as he pulls you into another hug. Your dad’s not a man who shows much emotion, so for him to initiate a hug is pretty big. “Hi, dad.”

He smiles at you before his eyes land over your shoulder. “Did you forget about–”

“Oh!” Maybe you did. Sheepishly, you turn around and gesture for Michael to come over. He had been standing back to let you have your moment with your parents, trying to look very interested in the people walking around and not like he’s out of place. “Mom, Dad, this is Michael Langdon. My boyfriend,” you tack on as an afterthought, even though they both already know that Michael’s your boyfriend.

Michael steps forward, a charming smile on his face, and shakes their hands. “It’s wonderful to finally meet you both. Thank you for being kind enough to host me in your home for Christmas.”

“Don’t be silly, we weren’t about to let you spend Christmas by yourself,” your mom says. Yet again, you had found yourself half-lying to someone about the circumstances of Michael’s life. You had only lied by omission though; your mom knew that Michael’s family had largely abandoned him and that he only had his dad, who was never around. Due to Michael’s upbringing “in the system”, he had never experienced Christmas. So not a lie, but you’re leaving a lot of stuff out.

“Still,” Michael says, “I greatly appreciate it.”

“Are we just going to stand here all day, or can we get going?” Your dad says gruffly. You sigh under your breath, knowing he’s going to be the hardest to crack this week.

“Yeah, lead the way,” you respond, grabbing your bag and Michael’s hand before following your parents to the parking lot.

“That went well,” Michael whispers in your ear.

You grimace. “...Sure.”

“You’re being a bit dramatic.”

“No, I’m simply prepared.”

Luckily for your anxious heart, your mom gets a work call the moment that you reach the car. Your dad isn’t very talkative, which means that you get to just breathe for a moment and point out different landmarks from your childhood to Michael, who splits his time between gazing out of the window and looking at you when you talk. 

“That was my high school, which I thankfully have not been back to since the day I graduated.”

“You didn’t like high school?”

“Drama, strict schedules, and being a teenager in general? No, I didn’t really like it.”

Michael ponders that. “Hmm, our schooling experiences weren’t so different, then.”

“Really, the matching uniforms and bowties didn’t make everybody besties?”

“You’re never going to let me live down the picture I showed you of me in my school uniform.” It’s not a question–he knows the answer.

“Absolutely not.”

Somehow, the sight of the neighborhood where your family lives leaves Michael more awestruck than anything that he had seen today, and you realize that he probably hasn’t seen just a normal neighborhood before. After all, it’s impossible to ask the kids next door to come ride their bikes when;

You’re not allowed out of the house; and

The kids next door are dead

These streets, the houses all decorated with lights that will be twinkling as soon as dusk falls and smiling snowmen waving at passersby from some of the yards, are all things that Michael hasn’t experienced before. Michael has to tear himself away from the window to ask, “This is where you grew up?”

You nod. “Most of my friends’ families still live in the area too.”

Your dad pulls the car into the familiar driveway that you, yourself, have pulled into so many times before. Your family’s house is much smaller than the manor that you and Michael call home, and you almost feel a little embarrassed at the size before remembering that this is a different Michael from the one who looked over your apartment with disdain and told you that your taste in clothes could be so much better. This Michael almost has to be pushed along by you as you enter the house, so wrapped up in the domesticity of a home that an actual family lives in and makes their home is he.

Before you can get to your room to unpack, the telltale sound of claws scrabbling across the floor makes you grin. Michael looks up in alarm as the sound of barking gets closer, but you squeal when the golden retriever rounds the corner. “Bauer!”

“Bauer?” Michael repeats, watching you fall to your knees to embrace the dog.

“Oh my goodness, hello sweet boy,” you coo to the smiling dog, his tail wagging up a storm. “Did you miss me? I missed you!”

“You have a dog?” Michael asks.

You frown. “I’ve definitely shown you pictures of Bauer before.”

“I thought it was just a random dog, not yours.” Michael stares at Bauer apprehensively, as though he’s going to bite his hand the second you turn away.

“Michael, sweetheart,” your mom calls, and Michael’s eyes widen in what you’re worried is fear at the motherly tone in her voice, “he’s not going to hurt you.”

“I–I know.” He doesn’t know. In fact, you don’t think Michael’s ever actually interacted with a dog before.

“Bauer!” your dad calls before whistling for him, and Bauer goes running across the living room towards him. “Y/N, why don’t you show Michael to the guest room.” Your dad looks at Michael sharply. “Where he’ll be staying. In a different room than yours.”

“C’mon.” You grab Michael’s hand and walk with him down the hall. “This is my room,” you point to yours before moving your finger in the direction of the door next to yours, “and here’s the guest room. We’re right next to each other, don’t worry.”

Michael pulls you into the guest room, silently shutting the door behind you. “Your father definitely hates me.”

“Hmm, and here I thought I was being dramatic,” you remind Michael of his earlier words, and he grimaces. “Michael, Dad doesn’t hate you. He’s just trying to scare you by intimidating you. He did the exact same thing to my brother-in-law the first time he visited, too.”

Michael simply groans before dropping his head onto your shoulder, and you laugh while embracing him.

“And here I thought the Antichrist wasn’t scared of anything.”

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

My stomach finally put its foot down 💀💀💀

The plan was 1.8k so I could wake up high and hopefully sleep the next day away but I screwed up. Don't know why I decided to full on eat eat instead of something light to minimize the inevitable stomach irritation. My dumbass likes malt o meal a little too much..

Anyway, malt o meal for whatever reason gives me bad ass acid reflux and that's partially why I eat it sm. Ofc the taste is on point as well but the pain from the acid is lowkey soothing. Gives my something to focus on without pills or going back to whatever sh I'd do in the past. Most the time that equals biting/scratching/pulling my hair but I used to cut here and there as well

Uh but yeah my dumbass inhaled a whole lotta malt o meal in prep for all the pills I'd be taking and it ended up screwing me. I took a good 1.5 before I had to sit completely still to not puke whiiich ain't end up working. Puked it all up and judging how I felt after the fact I'd say a good 400-650ish actually got absorbed but the most of it came up. Then past that point I tried to take some tums and continue on but I was gagging off rip

I tried to take it slower this time by only taking 200 at a time and dosing every ten mins until i was high high. It was chill for all of two mins, then i puked again. It got so bad I couldn't keep water down either. So I gave up and just passed out off the residuals of the first few doses

I'm currently on 300. I woulda taken more but my god.. grandma? Idfk. She called me at like 8 asking if I wanted to go to some family reunion thing and I said half sleep just said yeah not thinking nothing of it. I was gonna try and slither out of it but I was just like.. fuck it. Might as well. I still wanna go home and get messed up but atp im just gon ignore the events of yesterday and come back to it when I get home

Ah. And R kinda gently to stop checking on her last night. I asked if she ate and was worried she was taking too much to the point she'd have another bp attack? Uh. I dunno the actual name that's what she called it. But it was a bit too overwhelming for her as her partner used to ask the same shit like that and it stung to hear all that again. Then she said I don't know if there's anything I can do can help her. Which. Really hurt. I get it. I mean. Having the what you thought was love of your life suddenly not care to check on you then having a random do the same prolly hurts so bad. I'm not her and I know it probably is salt in the wound seeing that I did it with ease but her partner couldn't be bothered to put in that minimal effort. But at the same point, I hate that she sees me being concerned for her as me tryna help. It makes me feel like she thinks I only care or wanna talk when I'm getting something out it. That I'm not really there for whatever. That we only need to talk when we're useful for one another

I know I'm probably just reading too much into it but. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. I'm not gonna mention it rn.. even if I'm right somehow someway, it's an extra stressor on her that she doesn't need. I'm just gonna sulk on it got a few days and try to forget it.

So. Anyway. I'm gonna let her come to me instead. I don't want to hurt her again and I gain nothing from forcing us to talk and make her lie/hurt in silence to spare my feelings. I miss her a lot though.. I wore this stupid ass bunny hoodie I have all day yesterday cause it reminded me of her. I damn near saturated the sleeve of the damn thing with snot and tears tho 💀💀💀

Ah but. That's all for now. I'm finna try and find something to keep me occupied so I won't fall asleep

[the-good-projxct]

Feb 21st, 2024

12:08 technically Feb 22nd. Listening to Nicki Minaj’s Save Me. Sitting up in my room. 

Sigh. I dunno if I wanna write, I have tears welling up already. I am so sensitive dawg. So like, in north Amerikkka, racism and capitalist consumerism/exploitation is what harmed me the most. Here it is sexism, classism and exploitation that is hurting me. The things hurting me in the west and the things hurting me in Kenya are rooted in the same thing, colonization. I think the most frustrating thing is the conversation or knowledge of colonization and neo colonization  is not common. The sexism directly hurts me, the classism and exploitation indirectly. It was so loud when I was downtown today. Honestly, it kinda reminded me of why I stopped going to downtown Toronto. The racism, consumerism and exploitation was too loud in the Siggz. Seeing a Black addict od’ing beside a lambo and no one caring had me SHOOK. Here the classism and exploitation is fucking with my head. Seeing 5yr olds living on the street and panhandling screams system failure. As a kid downtown was a bougie, rich town. Now downtown is for the laborers as the middle/upper class have exited the city. It’s too much, it's overwhelming. You have to come face to face with the violent poverty the average Kenyan is dealing with the minute you get to Tom Mboya street. I am not sure what to do. I just got here and I am in observation, learning, and growth mode. I don’t know if I will do like I did in Canada and protect my peace of mind while still challenging colonization and whiteness while separating myself from whiteness. What does that look like here, challenging classism, exploitation while separating myself from it? It doesn’t even feel Gøod to write that. But the same way I was not safe in white spaces, here I am not safe in male or poor spaces due to system failure/colonization. All this is dawning on me after spending one afternoon in the heart of the city. I am trying to be Gøod. I am trying to be a Saint. I am trying to find enlightenment. But like, can I do it while sheltering myself from the things that ail my fellow humans? I left Islanders with a tool kit, something I believe can help Islanders move towards Gøod and away from the continued direction of hatred and oppression. I don’t know what my he(art), my politics, or my personhood will evolve into in Kenya. And maybe that is what is making me cry. Because I know myself. If just seeing this today is making me cry, then I know me. I will find something that I can do about it because that is who I am. I know that art, he(art), will be at the center of it. So yeah, I took an uber downtown, spent the afternoon with my Grandma there, walked to the shop to buy some stuff for the house, back to my grandma's cafeteria then home. I showered and ate as soon as I got home because I was so tired and wanted an early night. Instead, I spent an hour + on the phone with My Munene. Honestly, he is ___________. I Love him. I was telling him about my day, my feels, how the country is still asleep and drowning in neo-colonization. He hears me. He sees me. He validates me. He also LOVES this country and so he wants better as well. And with him, I can. With him, I will. Kenya is our baby, we are Kenya’s baby. God’s plan is the only plan. Trust the Universe, it's an orgasm. Life is still Gøod. Ase.

[harufallinwonderland]

Tbh I randomly got the urge so HERE ARE MY FAV CURE OF EACH COLOR PART 1 (inspired by science project 99 on YouTube)

All these choices are from the seasons I watched so far (I do not need to finish the season to count it as plus I know way to much about seasons I haven’t even watched yet so expect spoilers for the seasons anyway ) and I will NOT be including Black cures,golden cures or rainbow cures because black and gold only have 1 cure and I feel like rainbow cures belong to others colors anyway let’s start I’ll be listing reasons for my choices as well

Fav blue: Saaya/cure ange from Hugtto

Oh Ange my baby she is genuinely so gorgeous with such A light and gentle blue and her angel theme and the feathers with all her special attacks are amazing

Then there her development omg when it comes to how much I like certain characters developments it’s personal fav (aka when I can relate to the character arc cause of there struggles) or well written fav (when I simply like them based on how well written the arc itself is) and Ange is A well written arc but that hardly puts her down as she is in my top 5 fav cures.

One thing I loved was how she felt aimless at times with the fact that despite wanting to act with her mother it was never A end goal she really never knew what she wanted to do but was to scared to ever try full on with something else but she went from A shy girl to one with tons of determination and was headstrong on what she wanted and I also found it beautiful how she found what she truly wanted to do by having the confidence to expand her horizons for the sake of acting with her mother.

And how things went with her mother brung me to tears with how Saaya learnt so much about how her mom tried to be A great mom along with being A actor with her determination and how her mother clearly loved Saaya and loved the idea of acting with her and how it weighed on Saaya wanting to go through A different path in life.

AND SAAYA’S LAST CHARACTER EPISODE HEART BREAKING her mom wanting to be able to support her daughter with A smile genuinely feeling bad for wanting Saaya to stay A actress and how Saaya was able to give her comfort with letting her know that everything she done was amazing to Saaya and how despite her own feelings she was A amazing mother.

Honestly I love Saaya because of how she grew to be able to stand her ground and be ready to chase the path she wants while still being A gentle caring person (truly befitting of A angel doctor huh?)

And honorable mention goes to: Yuni/cure cosmo:

For my fav yellow is it: Kirara/ cure twinkle

First of all I love her designs and how the purples and yellows work amazing together (even though when I was watching the show with my grandma she was hating on it) and I love all the star related stuff she does I love twinkle humming.

Another case of well written fav but still amazing (in my top 5 too) I love her purely business drive to go to her goal of being A model making her straight up refuse becoming A precure at first seeming like she was kinda detached from others but showing how she really is kind to others and can be assertive when needed with others (the Haruka dress episode being the first example)

Another part is her habit to take initiative while it was A dumb idea I love the fact in one episode she decided to say “FUCK IT” and went to attack the final boss (of course it didn’t work but at least she tried) and she is someone who has no problem doing what is needed and tends to go to do what she thinks is needed without hesitation most times.

And her final episodes where she is at first depressed over losing A business opportunity but gets another chance later and in most cases they would force the character to choose one or the other but she said “nah imma continue to be A precure and we handling this shit before school ends” with such determination and that’s just what I love about her most.

She is kind,brave,and determined not willing to let go of her dream but refusing to let others get taken either even as someone without A big dream I look up to her pure strength of will amazing 10/10 love her

Honorable mention: Homare/cure etoile

Next up is the purple cure prob most known for there mid season cures and mines is: Milk/Kurumi/Milky rose

Oh this one is controversial huh? Well let’s start with probably the least controversial thing in the franchise HOLY CRAP HER DESIGN it’s regal and beautiful it gives off mysterious vibes while showing she ready to kick ass and all the rose motifs are *chef kiss*

Anyway let’s get into the character cause she kinda controversial thankfully she ain’t no Coco so it’s not like I have to explain why she isn’t A creep so let’s start

She has easily the most satisfying character arc in the whole series for me from Yes 5 to Otona (one of the few good things about it) it felt A constant stream of her growing from A immature low key bitchy girl to the prime minister of her land wanting to not only help Coco and Nutts but also the kingdom she loves

Her development in the original Yes 5 was good nothing to make me love her this much just A simple “don’t be A bitch” story with A bit of how she can become A better care taker THEN THERE IS GOGO I swear gogo is just the fairies season and honestly don’t mind Milk becomes Kurumi and is able to fight on the front lines and able to do shit herself and she shows it off amazingly from how she was introduced being mysterious with everyone but nutts not knowing she was Milk and how she wanted to be A mysterious girl not only for her ego but to make sure she can help coco and nutts without A chance of burdening them.

And how her bond with Nozomi grows so much that some people actually start liking her in Gogo and it’s cute to see and then how she takes everything she learnt in both yes 5s and apply it to her adult life and learning more from them and her shitty office job that leads to her eventually being able to become prime minister of her kingdom and how over the years she more then prove she is A strong figure with tons of conviction and strength that the faires went along with it.

She has A character arc that fucking make me scream by how it feels like it fits her and A proper elevation of her starting point in Yes 5 while showing how much she grew over the years and deffo benefited the most from having 2 seasons where she developed without A doubt my second fav cure.

And honorable mention goes to Ruru/cure amour

(Ingore the Emiru/Ma Cherie to the left)

Now for the other common mid season color red and on the table for this one is: Towa/Cure scarlet

Ok I know Moonlight is known as the most badass precure BUT PEOPLE INGORE TOWA WAY TO MUCH like her designs is so regal and screams she is above her in all ways.

AND HER FIRST FIGHT SHE FUCKING CURB STOMPED THE FINAL BOSS SO HARD SHE RAND BACK TO HER BASE LIKE HELLO!

Moonlight’s beat down of nearly all the villains was amazing 10/10 but like TOWA IS AMAZING TOO plus amazing arc with her trying to leave behind her time as twilight as A chance of saving her kingdom no less her brother.

Her friendships are amazing too learning something from all the other cures plus Yui is great to see and she grows such amazing bonds make me get hyped EVERYTIME she on screen honestly all around 10/10 top 10 cures for sure

Honorable mention: Emiru/cure Macherie

(Ingore Ruru to the right and yes before you ask I do love the hugtto cast that much)

Next up what is known to be the most fucked over color my fav green cure IS: Lala/cure Milky

Ironically she is my second least fav star twinkle girl but I still love her and honestly the greens don’t got much to them so Lala

Honestly while her arc didn’t resonate the most with me I still love her from her bond with Hikaru and everything related to the episodes about her planet she was charming and entertaining the whole way through.

And honestly her sometimes taking the role on the Mc from Hikaru helped her alot with her having a lot of moments where she shines amazingly being A perfect example of the shows themes of connections and how peoples differences doesn’t mean you can’t get along.

And her final moments of the show with Hikaru is easily some of the most emotional moments I’ve seen so far despite not getting A duo transformation you can tell that there friendship means legit everything to the show and how they helped each other grow is 10/10 love her.

For the honorable mention it is: Komachi/ cure mint

(OK IMMA NEED TO DO A FUCKING PART 2 CAUSE ITS ONLY 10 IMAGES MAX ON MOBILE imma prob work on it right away but next time it will be Orange,White and the leaders Pink cures)

[imabee-oralizard]

Crimson claws by Abigail Manning book reveiw

I read this book as an arc

Oct 7th- oct 31st

3.7 stars

MINOR SPOILERS

Really good book. Quick read. And definitely one I will remember

Not a favorite but it did get me to laugh out loud a few times. Made me stop to really see what was going to happen.

Plus its short enough so why not? If you want to get into reading this is a good book to lead you. Or if you have been reading for years it’s a good book.

This is a red riding hood retelling and I love the twist it has on it and how it portrays different characters from the original stories and gives them new life.

The book had many twists and does end with a SPOILER happy ending. So all the happy ending lovers this book is great for you.

The book did really surprise me. There were times I thought I knew exactly what was gonna happen and BOOM it changed.

And I love the way the book starts, how it introduces people. And the banter between Ro(main character) and her grandma is amazing. It brings a comfort reading about how they talk and how they want to protect each other.

The book also has some bigger words so it’s not just simple vocabulary over and over but it’s not big words that are confusing and hard to understand and grasp what they mean.

These are some quotes from the book that I really liked or thought were notable

And yes, there is romance in the book, it’s a fantasy romance. Kinda a rival to lovers' books. Not slow burn but doesn’t go at that annoyingly fast pace

So BEWARE these kinda give of SPOILERS

“Ever since Father ruined our family, I had pretty much given up hope on all men. When the one man you look up to more than anyone destroys your entire view of them in a single night, it makes it hard to trust anyone else.”

“If I was going to protect myself, my walls had to be solid.”

“Is bloodshed always your immediate answer to every problem? I think you and I could be fabulous friends.”

“You’ve proven yourself in one realm. Now do it again in mine”

“Ugh! If I ever did marry a man, it would have to be an ugly one.”

“Oh, he definitely has a sister; otherwise, he wouldn’t be so skilled at souring your mood. It’s a job all siblings have to master at some point”

“My shrouded heart flinched as the fresh memory picked at the old scar”

“It's easy to look perfect. Anyone can fake a laugh or a smile, and anyone can pretend they have your best interests in mind.”

“I’m far too adorable for him to give up that easily. ”

“Most days, I never even left the house.”

“Every fiber of my body burned with disgust and fear toward my father ”

“The scar across my heart burned from all the endless picking as I replayed the painful memory through my mind.”

“He’s nothing to me, he can’t hurt me anymore”

“My heart urged me to stop speaking as the pain of his betrayal broke open the fragile scar and flooded me with a numbing amount of agony.

“ I couldn’t stop the tears as they spilled from my eyes, hot with the resurfaced misery.”

“I knew him as a father before I knew him as a criminal, and the little girl within me still yearned to know why her daddy never came home...”

“My father’s innocence was still too fresh to comprehend. It was so much easier to keep hating him, to keep pretending that he was the reason for my stone heart.”

“But he doesn’t have to be the villain anymore... He can be my father again”

“His deep blue eyes gripped me with a sense of fulfillment. ”

“My guarded heart had refused to accept that I wanted to feel cared for or even appreciated,”

“I should have known it was all fake... I’m simply fated to have everyone run away from me.”

“At one point, my dreams felt as if they were suffocating my conscious mind as well,”

“I would just have to continue being the red stain in the pure white realm for a little while longer.”

“but somehow, I had unlocked a piece of me I had never been able to make contact with before.”

“Am I even ready to see him? To face the man who had shattered my heart, only to piece it back together with a single explanation? He had been a beast in my mind for so long... but can he truly still be my father?”

“Was his smile always so dreamy...? Surely the lack of sleep is getting to me by now, especially if I thought of a word like ‘dreamy’...”

“I wanted to deny it; I wanted to lock it away before it could try to scar me like others had before, but the more I pushed it away, the more it spread through my consciousness. ”

“I’m not ready, but I suppose I never will be.”

Also here are some of my COMMENTARY that I noted for the book

“Well that’s a twist”

“Dude. Cliffhanger.”

“Okay big shock. Just go and stab my heart with shock. I can’t believe this.”

[sapphicgarlic]

its funny to talk about my granpa. i barely remember him, he died when i was 4, and i come to tears because of him sometimes and my chest is always so so tight. mostly remember warmth and happiness, maybe because of how important he was to my mom and how i eat her emotions sometimes but still, its so weird. but its good. if he were still alive i would have been so fucking spoiled that i cannot even describe. he loved me a lot and the littlest of things make me think of him. accidently, i named my cat after him in a way, jiji is a cute nickname for grandpa. i like to think a piece of him reincarned in jiji.

now i am crying because yesterday a “granny” of mine died and just realised how all of mine “grandparenty” figures are slipping through my fingers.

she wasnt even the biggest one, i usually went sometimes to her house when i went to portugal, had lunch at the restaurant across the street that had the BEST pizza bread in the world and spend a few hours at her house. drank some tea. ate some biscuits. all of the things a kid hates and a grow-up yearns for. when i was younger, i hated going there but with time i grew to know how important that was to her — her son died when he was younger on a very tragic accident and she lived alone all those years — and to me too, you know?

i am not even going to talk about my truly “borrowed” grandma that died during the pandamic. her death wont feel real until i am at her house again.

i hope her husband, the closest thing i have to a real grandpa, is okay as he can be. they were married for 50 years i think and he took so much care after her until her last day. it was funny and sweet seeing them bickering, hes that kinda grumpy guy who doesnt talk much but is a sweetheart and puts cares into everything he does. he adopted a dog after she passed to try to cheer him up but i cannot imagine how haunted that house must feel.

my actual grandma, who i wasnt going to add to this but felt wrong to not do it since i wrote a lil something to everyone accidently, got sick with a degenerative disease when i was younger so i never really knew her. barely remembered my mom for most visits and kinda favorited my brother when she did remember us (which is funny and i dont take it personally at all). i remember wanting to go over at her house when i was younger because she’d always give me a bar of surflair, my favorite chocolate when i was a kid. i cannot see one without remembering her.

i wish i had more time with them. my actual grandparents and my borrowed ones. each one of them gave me a memory and a yearning of some kind i am grateful for.