sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go
kingisle whenever they need to coax older players back: HEY YOU PERSON WITH A WALLET!!! REMEMBER DRAGONSPYRE?!? REMEMBER HOW SAD THE LAST ACT MADE YOU FEEL? HERE'S SOMETHING REFERENCING DRAGONSPYRE!! ISNT THAT YOUR FAVORITE?!
say hi to me
i don't know, i just remembered being so much
brighter, i guess
cigarette ash like wildfire
burning holes in the nighttime
open scars feel like barbed wire
white lies flying high like a ceasefire
dropping flags on the shoreline
this is as far as i can feel right
'cause what you don't know can haunt you
and all we ever wanted was sunlight and honesty
highlights to want to repeat
let's get away from here and
live like the movies do
i won't mind when it's over
at least i didn't think for a while
don't drag it out
living like that doesn't mean a thing
so let's, make a great escape
and i'll be waiting outside for the getaway
it doesn't matter who we are
we'll keep running through the dark
and all we'll ever need is another day
we can slow down 'cause tomorrow is a mile away
and live like shooting stars
'cause happy endings hardest to fake
and i wanna let you know
i wanna let you go
but i just can't bring myself to speak
but this is how it goes
the end credits, they roll
this bridge was built over kerosene
but we can watch it
and all i ever wanted was sunlight and honesty
highlights to want to repeat
let's get away from here and
live like the movies do
i won't mind when it's over
at least i didn't think
so let's run, make a great escape
and i'll be waiting outside for the getaway
it doesn't matter who we are
we'll keep running through the dark
and all we'll ever need is another day
we can slow down 'cause tomorrow is a mile away
and live like shooting stars
you can wish away forever
but you'll never find a thing like today
listening to starchild from ghost quartet and thinking about Rodion bc she's such an emotionally loaded character and i think abt her a lot
there's such a specific flavor of burnout gifted kid syndrome that she like. both does and doesn't have (chat me fr)
especially surrounding her general view of herself and how she handles things
she wants to change things and she's tried and yet it's all been pointless and she feels helpless and she's holding it together w/ a facade that's gonna slip
part of me wonders if she's gonna 'join' the other side for awhile/'betray' the sinners solely to do a lil' backstabbing, in similar fashion to like. raskolnikov
i want to write something about mel not seeing the way to hades until late into tartarus and then lowkey (highkey) freaking out because she's used to a pattern and she's used to seeing hades in the first couple of rooms but now she doesnt see him and what if chronos did something to him and he's not there at all to help her anymore? what if he got punished for helping her and it's all her fault-
but then she finds him but the damage is already done.
i identify as a lesbian and that's not wrong because I like woman in a profoundly gay way and I recognize that I'm going to be gendered female because of my appearance and I'm apathetic enough about it to allow it except in my presence and sometimes even then but the way I feel about gender In General extends completely to all other aspects of my life like sure woman are hot in a way that I don't typically feel about men but also I do find butch masculinity wildly attractive when it's done on purpose and I think it's just that I like when people color outside the lines if I'm gonna be a weird queer freak then I'm gonna be a Weird Queer Freak and I've become So About It that I'm like... offended?? when people assume I'm doing something regular and normal?? like it's very very important to me that everyone knows I am doing All This aggressively On Purpose I Know that many things would make me more paletable to Most People but I'm not interested in being more palteable I am interested in finding other weird queer freaks!!!!
anyway all that to say that I sometimes get Quite In My Head about the fact that I am doing this Situationship with a straight man who is simultaneously 1. very comfortable with his gender and sexuality as a straight man 2. wildly attracted to me and 3. not thinking of me as a woman because both of the people IN the situationship are very aware this is all very queer I am aware that it Appears oftentimes to be just yknow regular heterosexuality
which is also why it really grinds my gears when chronically online teenagers and adults who should know better are like "this is the only way to be queer" and get all het up about like dykes fucking fags or whatever like babes you're just reinventing the same boxes the cis heteropatriarchy already wants to put us in. put down the iron bars come outside we're all doing drag and making out in the soft, soft grass under the warm bright sun
current state of mitsukou is really interesting to me because kou is currently. really deeply in love, cares about mitsuba more than anything else and is traumatized enough that he's not going to get over this ever, while mitsuba is going through the normal stages of a crush. at the same time, kou is unaware of the nature and magnitude of his feelings because he's too stressed, while mitsuba does know that kou loves him
Saying "one of the major parties in a country trying to genocide trans people is the "most pro trans" major party in the world" as a statement of fact should inspire fear and terror, not be a call the be thankful to that fucking party. Anyway Biden is partially responsible for the current T drug class
Oddly enough I feel more comfy anxietyposting here instead of twitter so uh. I preface this with Yes I’m A Grown Adult but I am irrationally anxious about This :’)