#(though you start to get this uneasy feeling when that care never seems to translate to like... relief or soothing or resolution)

[vaguely-concerned]

sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go

[ninjakk]

JC suspected something from the very beginning

JC was always suspicious of WWXs feelings for LWJ from the start. A lot of people claim he didn't have a clue... But that's simply not the case.

First and foremost, MXTX has actually stated in interviews that JC was creeped out by the way WWX acted around LWJ from the start. He noticed WWX acted like a flirty girl who had a crush whenever he was around LWJ and it just didn't sit right with him. Here's a link to a translation of it if you want to check it out.

If you don't trust the interview just take a look at his reactions whenever he's around WWX acting like a lovesick puppy. When I first read the novel, as I have previously stated, I was not aware of it being a danmei. But I found JCs uneasiness around WWX when he was talking about or interacting with LWJ, very disturbing from the start.

He noticed from the very beginning that WWX acted differently with LWJ. That WWX treated him differently to how he treated others. Granted JC didn't put a label on it, probably due to his homophobia and the fact he deemed WWX useful as his future subordinate - but he noticed nevertheless. JC is many things, but he is not stupid. He knows how useful WWX will be as they get older, he knows how talented and smart WWX is. JC also knows how loyal and fiercely protective WWX is to those he cares about. WWX feels indebted to JCs family and the Sect that took him in - which JC also finds useful.

With all the above in mind, he was reluctant to fully confront his suspicions of WWXs sexuality. JC is literally showing signs of a homophobe who is in denial about the sexuality of someone who is close to them. He would rather not focus on exactly what makes him feel uncomfortable about WWX and LWJ being together. Instead JC tries to keep them apart and converts his discomfort into anger towards WWX and hatred towards LWJ. In his eyes LWJ is the reason why he feels this way. LWJ makes WWX act differently, which makes him feel uncomfortable - so he needs to make sure they stay apart.

Chapter 14

Wei WuXian, “He hates me already? I wanted to apologize to him.” Jiang Cheng sneered, “Apologizing now? Too late! Like his uncle, he surely thinks that you are evil and unruly to the core, and didn’t bother to pay you any attention.” Wei WuXian thought otherwise. He chuckled, “Who cares if he ignored me? Does he look pretty?” After a thought, he realized that Lan WangJi did look pretty. And so, he happily threw away his desire to twitch his lips.

JC has already noticed WWX gravitating towards LWJ and how he seems to desire his attention. Heck, he's probably noticed how WWX has already mentioned how good looking LWJ is a few times and they only arrived at the CR yesterday! Either way, JC notices how desperate WWX is for LWJ's attention, even though he ignores him. So, JC immediately starts to basically gaslight WWX in an attempt to keep him away from LWJ.

As we can see from the above, WWX refuses to believe that LWJ hates him, for now at least. WWX is already very much attracted to LWJ by this point, even though he doesn't quite understand his feelings. He can't keep his eyes off him, his thoughts away from him or indeed himself from gravitating towards him whenever he is near. It's all very cute! The sentence about him not caring if LWJ ignores him is all bravado for the boys. Because the reader is able to see that he does indeed think LWJ is pretty and doesn't smile at his little joke in the end.

Chapter 15

Jiang Cheng scolded with a darkened expression, “What are you proud of?! What is there to be proud of with this?! Do you think that it’s a glorious thing to be told by someone to get lost? You bring so much shame upon our sect!” Wei WuXian spoke, “I really wanted to apologize to him, but he never paid attention to me. He silenced me for so many days, so what’s wrong with me having a little fun with him? I presented him the book with a nice intention. HuaiSang-xiong, what happened to your treasured porn was really a pity. I didn’t even get to finish it; it was so good! Lan Zhan definitely doesn’t understand proper relationships. I gave it to him, yet he was still unhappy. It’s such a waste of that face of his.” Nie HuaiSang blurted, “It’s not a pity at all! You can have as many as you want.” Jiang Cheng sneered, “You’ve seriously offended both Lan WangJi and Lan QiRen. Just wait for your death tomorrow! Nobody’s gonna bury your corpse.” Wei WuXian waved his hands, putting his arm around Jiang Cheng’s shoulders, “Who cares, as long as I tease him first? You’ve already buried my corpse so many times, so what’s wrong with once more?” Jiang Cheng responded with a kick, “Shoo, shoo, shoo! Next time, if you do such a thing, don’t let me know! Don’t ask me to watch, either!”

WWX was ecstatic about finally getting LWJ's attention. If LWJ won't give him attention when he is being friendly, he'll just incessantly tease him until he gets something out of him instead. JC is not impressed by this at all. He just can't understand why WWX is so fixated with LWJ. He mentions being concerned about him bringing shame on the Sect.. but this is just him trying to justify his anger. JC doesn't seem to mind WWX or himself ignoring the rules later when they break curfew, drink and gamble. He only gets annoyed when LWJ is mentioned. JC goes on to say that he doesn't want to know or see when he is messing around with LWJ. This could be taken as an offhanded remark, but to me he just doesn't like to witness or hear about his 'strange' behaviour with LWJ.

Chapter 16

Wei WuXian’s paddle lightly glided through the water, and the boat’s speed quickened, so that he was right next to Lan WangJi’s boat. He spoke, “Lan Zhan, I didn’t splash water on you on purpose. Water ghouls are really clever. If I said it out loud, they would’ve heard it and got away. Hey, don’t ignore me. Why don’t you look at me, Second Young Master Lan?”Lan WangJi finally condescended and gave him a glance, “Why did you come?” Wei WuXian spoke with sincerity, “I’m here to apologize to you. Last night was my fault. I was wrong.” Lan WangJi’s countenance was slightly dark, most likely because he still didn’t forget how Wei WuXian “apologized” to him. Wei WuXian asked although he knew the answer, “Why do you look so gloomy? Don’t worry. Today, I’m really here to help.” Jiang Cheng couldn’t watch the scene any longer, “If you want to help, then stop chattering and come here!”

It's a bit strange for JC to not be able to watch the above scene any longer... It's only WWX apologising for his antics the night before and trying to explain why he splashed water at him not long ago. Why would this annoy JC so much he had to stop them from talking? Since he has already reprimanded WWX earlier for embarrassing their Sect by being unruly - wouldn't he be happy that WWX was trying to fix things and clear any animosity between the two Sects? Unless of course, it has nothing to do with WWX 'disgracing' the Sect, and everything to do with his sudden attachment to LWJ.

Chapter 17

Suddenly, Wei WuXian felt his collar tighten, and he was lifted into the air. He turned around to see Lan WangJi holding the back of his collar with one hand. Although Lan WangJi merely looked into another direction with an indifferent look, he and his sword carried the weight of three people, and fought with the mysterious force of the lake at the same time. Moreover, their position was still rising at a steady pace. Jiang Cheng was rather shocked, If I went down to pull Wei WuXian before him, using Sandu, I probably couldn’t have ascended so quickly and steadily. Lan WangJi is only around my age… At this point, Wei WuXian spoke, “Lan Zhan, your sword is quite strong, isn’t it? Thank you, thank you. But why did you pull my collar? Can’t you hold on to me? I don’t feel comfortable if you do this. Why don’t I stretch my hand to you and you can grab it?” Lan WangJi replied with a cold voice, “I do not have physical contact with others.” Wei WuXian, “We’re already this familiar with each other, so how am I ‘others’?” Lan WangJi, “We are not.” Wei WuXian pretended to be hurt, “You can’t do this…” Jiang Cheng really couldn’t hold it any more. He scolded, “You can’t do this!!! Can’t you speak a few sentences less while you’re held in mid-air by your collar?!”

It's quite a subtle scene, but WWX still can't help but flirt with LWJ even though he's dangling from his collar in mid air over a deadly waterborne abyss! WWX wanted LWJ to hold onto him instead and pouted when he wouldn't let him. It's quite sweet how much he wants LWJs attention so badly to be honest. JC isn't impressed with WWX acting this way with LWJ and couldn't hold his anger in any more, shouting at him to effectively shut up.

Chapter 18

Jiang Cheng was somewhat surprised, “Lan WangJi? Why did he come? He still dared to come see you?” Wei WuXian replied, “Yeah, I also thought that he should be praised for having the courage to come see me. He was probably told by his uncle to come check if I was kneeling properly.” Jiang Cheng instinctively felt a foreboding sensation, “Were you kneeling properly?” Wei WuXian, “I was kneeling properly. After he was some distance away, I found a stick and started to dig in the dirt. The pile beside your foot. There’s an ant hole there that I went through tons of trouble to find. When he turned his head, he saw that my shoulders were shaking, and he definitely thought that I was crying. He even came back to ask me. You really should have seen his expression as he saw the ant hole.” “...” Jiang Cheng spoke, “You should get lost and go back to Yunmeng as soon as possible! I don’t think that he wants to see you ever again.” And so, on that night, Wei WuXian packed up his things and returned to Yunmeng with Jiang FengMian.

This scene is really telling to the reader. Why would JC have a foreboding sensation... WWX is already in a whole lot of trouble, why would him not kneeling properly make any difference? It's because the foreboding feeling isn't about that. It's about the fact LWJ came to see WWX. Their developing relationships is what gives JC the uneasy feeling. WWX practically confirms LWJ was concerned about him when he tells JC that LWJ came back to check on him, because he thought he was crying. It's very sweet of LWJ and shows he does indeed care about WWX. So it's a bit strange for JC to react by reaffirming that LWJ hates him and urging him to leave. It's quite a statement considering LWJ was worried WWX was upset and only caught him playing around with a bloody ant hole! JC just can't wait to get WWX far away from LWJ - it's that simple.

A year later, when JC witnesses WWX pining after LWJ at the archery competition during the Qishan Discussion Conference. JC turns and walks away, because he can't stand watching the way WWX acts around him. And later still, JC gets angry at WWX once more.

Chapter 45

Lan WangJi turned around and walked alone toward the outside of the range. Jiang Cheng came over and asked, “What did you do, this time? Didn’t I tell you not to tease him? Your day just won’t be complete unless you dig your own grave at least once, huh?” Wei WuXian shrugged, “I said that his forehead ribbon was crooked. I was tricking him the first time but the second time was real. He didn’t believe me and got mad. I didn’t pull off his forehead ribbon on purpose. Why do you think he’s so angry? He’s not even participating in the contest anymore.” Jiang Cheng mocked, “Isn’t it clear? It’s because he especially hates you!”

JC's comments here are very interesting. He has just indicated to the reader that after WWX's little scene before the start of archery competition, he has had words with WWX. He stated he had told WWX not to tease LWJ. From the sounds of it, JC must have been more annoyed than he let on during their original encounter, as he just tutted and walked away obviously not wanting to watch them anymore. As I have mentioned in a previous post, the scene prior to this is undeniably flirty and brimming with sexual tension - so we can only imagine how uncomfortable seeing this would have made JC feel. That being said, JC actually turned away prior to WWX forcing LWJ to brush up against him and watching him walk away. So he didn't see the whole thing, yet he's obviously angry enough to speak to him about it just as the competition was starting.

The last comment JC makes in the above quote, is just dripping with vexation. Again, he tries to reaffirm LWJ hates WWX. He uses this opportunity to further his one man smear campaign against LWJ, trying to halt WWXs feelings towards him in the process.

We continue to see glimpses of JCs underlying uneasiness throughout the novel. I could pull up nearly every encounter WWX has with LWJ in his first life and JC would have some snarky comments about it all. Always reinforcing that LWJ hates WWX, trying and eventually succeeding in driving a wedge between them.

I think it's hard to deny that JC did notice something between the two. JCs overreaction during each encounter WWX and LWJ have with each other, is the start of his deeply-seated discomfort - which continues to grow into the ugly homophobia he starts to display over the course of the novel.

[bells-of-black-sunday]

how does Tarhos think about the painting? He dismisses it, but is this because he genuinely doesn’t care or because he is worried that it will influence their relationship in some way? Do you think he’s worried that Haru might see their relationship as a “bad sign” because of his superstitions and the horrible ending their counterparts had within the image?

Context out of the way first, because this is something me and Egg have primarily talked about on discord, but: Tarhos and Haru are the same people from Tarhos's base verse, they're just reincarnated over the years and lived a lot of different lives due to the fallen angel verse where Haru is literally a primordial god whose making this all happen so that he and his beloved angel can meet in every life they live.

The painting itself is one of the center pieces in modern Vittorio's museum. It's of Tarhos and Haru from way back when and it's something that was commissioned shortly after he started working for Vittorio as the knight wanted the maiden to see what he actually looked like instead of just in polished spoons and reflections of water. He knew it was something very important to him and a further way to show how far Tarhos's mind goes the closer he gets to the entity exploiting parts of him that always existed, but he just had impulse control and empathy for other people in his situation.

Vittorio has also been translating the maiden's journals for Haru and Tarhos doesn't really get why his boyfriend is so obsessed with it and concerned that he's going to upset himself when he finds out how they died. Not that he knows how he knows that they died.

Tarhos doesn't even know what to think about the painting, he knows it's someone that looks like him, shares the same name as him and even is from the same town he grew up in and he gets this really weird melancholy when he looks at it. Like he knows who those people are and how happy they were when it was commissioned, but also... how dark their lives would become, because of one thing. And he feels like he should knows what that thing is, but he doesn't. It gives him this really eerie feeling that he hates and Robin even comments on how uneasy Tarhos gets around it.

He doesn't want Haru getting involved with it, because it's freaky. And he doesn't like how Vittorio keeps pushing how him and Haru are the people from the painting, it feels disrespectful to him. Because they aren't the same people, they've both lived completely separate and better lives. He always had free will to chose to do things even if he hates some of the choices he did and even more so Haru was never kidnapped and forced into something like that. He may have been kidnapped and nearly died for another reason, but somehow that reason is a tiny bit less awful to him than what the maiden went through.

Tarhos also doesn't like how Vittorio, though not intentionally he's just really excited, keeps trying to push that them two could somehow make things right. Make what right? Those two died horrifically, there's no making that right even if they were reincarnated into who they are now. Nothing will fix what happened then and it makes him irritated that Vittorio keeps putting those implications in Haru's head, he doesn't want him to put anymore strain on his relationship when they're already had a really rough patch.

He also doesn't like Vittorio in general, how all of his ideas for him and Haru meeting to discuss his "findings" all seem like dates. Coffee at fancy cafe's, fancy dinners or lunches, meeting at his home for drinks. He doesn't like it. He doesn't trust him or his intentions. Granted Vittorio means nothing by it even if he does have a tiny bit of a crush on Haru just like he did in the 1300s. He's just really passionate about his work, the occult, supernatural and world religions, he's convinced he's a reincarnated version of his self and he's just excited to meet the two he died with even if Tarhos wasn't fond of him.

[makeste]

“but I thought about how I needed to say this”

a.k.a. yet another meta dissection of The Apology. I actually wrote most of this up on Friday night based on the original Japanese (@pikahlua​ has an excellent translation up here, and I also used @hanashimas’ translations as a reference as well), but I wanted to wait until the official release, though that turned out to be a mixed bag to say the least lol.

I would also recommend reading @pikahlua​ and @class1akids​’ breakdowns of this scene (here and here, respectively), because they are excellent, and because if any scene deserves to have as many meta breakdowns written about it as possible, it’s this one.

anyway so here goes.

Caleb did a more accurate job with this than the fanscan, even if he did try his best to take us out of the seriousness of the moment by throwing in that swiss cheese line lol. anyway so there are two things I want to talk about here. the first is the line about Izuku not remembering, which I thought was a nice touch. of course he doesn’t remember what Kacchan said back then. he wasn’t exactly in the soundest emotional state after seeing one of the people he cares about most taking a near-fatal blow that was meant for him. I’d be shocked if he remembers anything about the aftermath (including the way he flew into a mindless rage afterwards) right up until the point when he entered the OFA Interstellar Party Void with Tomura. anyway, so I thought that was a nice callback.

and speaking of emotional states, the other thing I wanted to talk about is the part that Caleb got right which the fan scanlation didn’t. “but I had more to say.” in other words, “stop trying to win on your own” wasn’t just a one-liner; it was meant to be the beginning of a much longer speech. “there were other things that I needed to say.”

like, can we just stop and talk about that for a second. because basically what this means is that in that instant, when Kacchan pushed Deku out of the way and got impaled, his one and only thought was that he needed to apologize to Deku. his life was presumably flashing before his eyes, he had no idea if he was going to survive or not, and the only thing on his mind was how urgently he needed to make things right with his former childhood friend.

moving on!

so I have a confession to make, which is that I am relieved to see Katsuki describing this as the reason why he bullied Deku, as opposed to Horikoshi trying to retcon it into some sort of “secretly he was just trying to protect him and keep him out of harm’s way because he was worried” thing, which ngl would not have gelled very well with me. the thing is that I’m really not a fan of the whole “Kacchan Did Nothing Wrong” mentality that some fans seem to have. like, I have seen all sorts of convoluted attempts to find excuses for Katsuki’s shitty behavior, but in my view those attempts undermine what I love about his character in the first place. Katsuki is such a great character specifically because he is not perfect. his redemption arc is so compelling because he was such a giant asshole at the start. he was completely at fault, and he acknowledges this, and takes full responsibility for it. and that is fucking fantastic.

his arc is so great because it doesn’t rely on garnering sympathy by giving him a Tragic Past, or by trying to foist the blame for his behavior over on someone else. it’s an arc that acknowledges that redemption isn’t something you achieve by making people feel sorry for you; it’s something you have to earn by actively working to change and do better. and by forgoing the “misunderstood/tragic past” route, Horikoshi is making a statement that anyone can go down the wrong path, but that more importantly, anyone can also choose at any time to turn away from said path. there is only one requirement for doing so, and that is realizing that you’ve done wrong, and deciding that you want to change.

anyway, so in chapter 284 Kacchan of course had that whole speech about Deku not taking himself into account, and mentioned how that made him want to keep his distance. and a good chunk of fandom took this to mean that Katsuki’s bullying was actually a misguided response to Deku’s reckless tendencies -- sort of an “if I show him how weak and powerless he really is, I can get him to accept the reality that he’s quirkless, and that being a hero will just get him hurt or killed” type of thing. and I won’t lie, for a good while I was wondering myself if Horikoshi was really going to go down that route. and like I said, I am honestly relieved that he didn’t. not only for the reasons stated in the previous paragraph, but also because the message that would have sent -- that there are certain circumstances in which bullying can almost be excused because the bully had Good Intentions and was just trying to save the other person from themselves, and so it Wasn’t That Bad, Actually -- is all kinds of fucked up to say the least. so yeah, I’m glad we ended up steering well clear of that.

(ETA: this post was long enough already so I edited out the 3 additional paragraphs I originally wrote analyzing the dialogue from 284. but just to be clear, I’m not trying to imply that Kacchan worrying about Deku’s recklessness is a retconned thing that Horikoshi only threw into the story recently, because there are multiple instances throughout the story where he clearly is worried and in total denial of it. but I firmly believe those feelings are not what led to the bullying. they’re two separate things. Kacchan worrying about Deku is what prompts him to yell at him in chapter 1 when Deku comes to save him. but it’s not what incited him to burn his notebook and taunt him earlier in that same chapter. that action had a much meaner and more selfish motivation behind it, and I’m glad Horikoshi didn’t try to change it up last minute, because it wouldn’t have felt right.)

thankfully as of this chapter I think we can safely cross that out as a possibility, as we’re given the true explanation straight from Katsuki himself. and the truth is that he bullied Deku out of insecurity and jealousy and fear and intolerance. there was nothing noble about it. there were no good intentions concealed in his actions. there are no justifications given, no excuses offered, and no mitigating circumstances to be considered, other than the fact (which neither he nor Horikoshi bring up) that he was and is still a child, and that children make mistakes.

it’s an explanation that challenges many of fandom’s ideas on who is and isn’t eligible to be redeemed. there is no Ozai in Katsuki’s backstory. there’s no great tragedy that he spent a lifetime trying to rise above. the only villain in Katsuki’s story is Katsuki himself. the only darkness that he has to overcome is his own. and it’s challenging, because I think many people believe the only way someone can be redeemed for doing bad things is if bad things happen to them in return. but what Horikoshi is saying here is that that’s not the case. bad doesn’t erase bad. and the one and only way to truly earn redemption is by doing good.

and that’s what makes this such a phenomenal scene for me. by not shying away from Katsuki’s flaws and failings, and having him take full responsibility for them, Horikoshi keeps the apology from being self-serving, and underscores the true depth of Katsuki’s character development. the level of self-awareness he has here is something most people can only dream of. which is very fitting, as that’s perhaps the most important takeaway from his character arc -- that it’s only by acknowledging your own weaknesses and flaws that you can learn to overcome them and reach your full potential.

one last thing to point out here, which is that in the panel where Katsuki finally acknowledges his terrible treatment of Deku, Deku is not even visible. instead, Horikoshi drew the panel from a perspective that makes it appear that Katsuki is addressing this particular line not just to Deku, but to all of his classmates.

again, he shows him taking full responsibility and admitting his wrongdoings in front of the people whose opinions and approval he cares about most. and just to clarify in case there’s any confusion from Caleb’s translation, Kacchan’s wording makes it very clear that he wasn’t just “mean” to Deku, but that he full-on bullied him (he uses the same verb -- “ijimeru” (苛める) -- that he did back in chapter 284). there’s no attempt to downplay his actions here.

moving on now, this chapter also reaffirmed another thing about Deku and Kacchan’s relationship which I was glad to see revisited -- Kacchan’s unwavering belief in Deku’s ability. this is one of those paradoxical things about their relationship which I’ve always been fascinated by, but which is also kind of hard to explain, because I don’t want it to come off like I’m trying to put a positive spin on something which was unequivocally awful. like, please don’t think I’m trying to say that Katsuki’s bullying of Deku was in any way a good thing. but that being said, there’s also a strange irony at play here, which is that Katsuki’s jealousy and insecurity also betray the fact that even at his very worst, he never once underestimated Deku. he has always believed in Deku’s strength, even when that strength pissed him off and made him afraid and uneasy.

no one else -- not All Might, or even Deku’s own mom -- believed from the get-go that Deku could become a hero. but Katsuki never once counted him out, even when he was calling him a pebble in his shoe. he confesses here that even though he “tried to act superior by rejecting [Deku]”, in truth he was never able to shake the feeling that Deku was above him. long before he ever understood the concept of “win to save”, he knew instinctively that there was a strength in Deku’s heart that couldn’t be measured, and which had the potential to surpass even his own strength. and I’ve always felt that this was so important, because it’s the one aspect of their early relationship that hinted that on some level, however subconscious, Katsuki held the same type of faith in Deku that Deku always held in him. it was one of the few things that hinted at there being a possible path towards reconciliation one day. and it paved the way for the most important shift in their relationship to date, when Katsuki finally realized who Deku got his quirk from, and responded not with resentment or spite, but with acceptance.

moving on, I also really love the way we see them portrayed at the different stages of their childhood throughout this speech, and how it perfectly lines up with the dialogue. from small children (when Katsuki talks about his insecurities first manifesting), to middle schoolers (when he talks about the bullying), to high schoolers (when he talks about the past year and everything he’s learned at U.A.). Horikoshi really didn’t have to go that hard, but he did, and that’s why we love him.

and then we finally get to That Part.

where do I even start with this there are so many things omg.

the bow. this is the one and only time Katsuki has ever bowed to anyone of his own volition as far as I recall. and this absolutely is a bow, just to be clear, even though his form is straight-up garbage (very Kacchan-esque, with his feet and arms spaced apart because he’s still a punk after all). this is Kacchan showing more humility and respect than he’s ever shown to anyone else in his entire life.

regarding “Izuku”, I actually have mixed feelings about this to tell the truth. I think it was a good call here because it was incredibly effective in setting the tone and showing just how serious Kacchan is. however if he continues to use “Izuku” rather than “Deku” from here on out, that would give the impression in hindsight that all his past usage of “Deku” really was meant as an insult, which would undermine some of my favorite scenes. I would really like to believe that since DvK2 or thereabouts, Kacchan has (mostly) been using “Deku (affectionate)” rather than “Deku (useless loser)”, lol. but if he switches to the “nicer” name on a permanent basis following his apology, it implies that the previous nickname was indeed being used cruelly. and so honestly I hope this was just a one-time thing, because I do think that in Katsuki’s mind, the name “Deku” hasn’t been meant as a slight to him for a long time now.

“my truth/this is what I truly feel” -- the word Katsuki uses in Japanese is honne (本音), and if you’re familiar with the concept of honne/tatemae, that’s the same “honne” he’s talking about here. it means that he’s casting aside all of his walls and facades and expressing what he truly feels. and of course, one of the fascinating things about Katsuki’s character is that he’s the exact opposite of most people in that he chooses to put his meanness on full display to the public, and ironically it’s the kindest parts of himself which he tends to keep the most carefully guarded and hidden away. this also means that while his rage and anger are very often insincere and put on just for show, those relatively few occasions where he lets his humanity truly shine through are pretty much 100% genuine, as is the case with this one here.

and Deku’s face says it all when it comes to how powerful those moments can be as a result.

and this, right here, is why it wasn’t enough for Katsuki to atone solely through his actions, and why he needed to actually say the words as well. it’s not that the words are more important; obviously the actions are far and away the most important part, and carry far more meaning. but the reason why Katsuki needed to say the words as well is simply because Izuku needed to hear them. needed to, and deserved to, because this is one of the most important people in the world to him.

and so he deserves to know that the relationship isn’t just one-sided, and that he is just as important to Kacchan as Kacchan is to him. he deserves to know that Kacchan understands how horribly he treated him, and that he’s sorry for it. and he deserves to know that Kacchan, without any expectation of it changing their relationship -- meaning that he will continue to feel this way regardless of what Izuku says or does from here on out -- cares about him. now more than ever, with AFO out there doing everything in his power to make Izuku feel as alone as possible, this is something that he really, really needed to hear.

so this part has some interesting wordplay which neither Caleb’s translation nor the fan scanlation was really able to get across. basically, in the Japanese version, when Katsuki talks about “those ideals”, Horikoshi uses the kanji for “ideal”, but pronounces it as “All Might.” obviously the meaning of this isn’t too hard to decipher, as we all know how much both boys admire All Might. to them, he absolutely is synonymous with the Ideal. so this is a way of showing that respect they both have towards him, even as Katsuki goes on to point out the one fatal flaw that All Might was never able to overcome.

and speaking of interesting wording, as others have noted, at this point in his speech Katsuki switches from “temee” (which he was using earlier during the “your strengths and my weaknesses” part) to “omae” (“omae” being a less insulting word for “you”, though still very manly and tough-sounding), which is definitely a big deal. though fwiw this is not the first time he’s used “omae” for Deku (he switches to it briefly right after DvK2, when he tells Deku “you had the strongest guy lay the groundwork for you -- don’t lose”, and then later when they’re walking back to the dorms and he says he’ll learn and get stronger by watching everyone around him just like Deku did). it’s definitely a good choice on Horikoshi’s part though, as it makes this last part of the speech sound more earnest and sincere.

just a quick note, he does indeed use a plural pronoun here, as in “the obstacles that you can’t overcome, we will overcome.” but as @pikahlua​ pointed out, the “we” here is ambiguous -- it could either mean “we” as in class 1-A -- “we will overcome them for you” -- OR it could mean “we” as in all of them -- class 1-A and Deku. “we will overcome them together.” idk about you, but I know which one gets my vote.

anyway, and so this is the line that finally wins Deku over and allows him to let go of his fears, however briefly. what I love about this is Kacchan’s utter conviction. one thing that Caleb’s translation doesn’t quite get across is Kacchan’s use of the word morenaku -- “without exception” -- when he talks about how they’re going to save everyone and win. it echoes that same sentiment he showed back during the Joint Training arc -- that it’s not a perfect victory unless they save everyone. every last person. and he explicitly lists Deku among their number, just so there can be no doubt.

and Deku’s response to this (or at least his thoughts, since he’s not really able to get many words out) pretty much brings everything full circle here.

he acknowledges that everyone else has gotten ahead of him. which is especially meaningful given who he’s standing directly across from. because for most of the series, as we all well know, it’s been Kacchan who was woefully lagging behind Deku in the character growth department. but now Deku himself is acknowledging that not only has Kacchan finally caught up at last, but that he and the others have surpassed him. which is only temporary, I should add, as I have zero doubt that Deku will catch up again soon. but the fact remains that just as Deku’s rapid increase in strength and skill left Kacchan scrambling to keep up earlier in the series, Kacchan’s extraordinary character development has now left Deku in that same position. as All Might once put it, “when he’s starting at level one, and you’re already at level 50, it’s only natural that you’ll be growing at different rates.”

and what’s so wonderful about this though is that the two of them are finally approaching that point where they’ve both caught up to each other and are finally starting to level out. Deku is a full-on badass, and Kacchan is out here talk-no-jutsuing with the best of them. the two of them have been chasing and chasing after each other this entire time, and now they’re finally just about ready to meet in the middle at long last, with each of them fully embodying both of those two crucial aspects -- win, and save.

just about. because Deku still needs some help catching up. but seeing as help has already been offered -- and accepted -- I can’t imagine it will be very long now, and I can’t wait to see him finally overcoming those fears and doubts with his friends by his side. it’s going to be such a powerful moment.

and last but not least,

or, as I prefer,

you had one job, Caleb. flkjsdlk.

but at least this provides a good opportunity to note that unlike the “we’ll help you handle it” line earlier in the speech, here the phrasing is left up to interpretation, as he doesn’t use a pronoun. so it could be “we know”, or, as the fan scanlation put it, “I know.” or it could be both. regardless, it’s good stuff.

anyway, and so Deku passes out, and in the process Horikoshi gives us one last parting metaphor, just in case anyone still thinks Kacchan is all talk because they haven’t been paying attention for the past 322 chapters (more likely than you think). once again, Katsuki’s actions speak louder than his words (even his nice words) ever could: he is literally there to catch Deku when he falls.

so that’s it! my sincere thanks to anyone who actually read through all of my endless ramblings about this scene which I have been waiting for since day one. props to Horikoshi for taking on an impossibly difficult task, and pulling it off with all of the emotion and care and nuance that I’ve come to expect from his writing. imo he delivered on every single level with the exception of the aftermath, which I don’t consider to have actually happened yet. Deku’s part of this is definitely a “to be continued.” but yeah, as far as Kacchan’s part goes, 10/10. so fucking proud of this kid.

[sparklysung]

✨SWALLOW YOUR WORDS – l.d.h.✨

© sparklysung – 2021. all rights reserved. no reposts, modifications and/or translations allowed.

pairing – lee donghyuck x female!reader

genre – smut | non-idol!au, enemies to lovers!au

warnings – switch!donghyuck, switch!reader, lap dance, cumming in pants, grinding, dry humping, cum eating, hair pulling (giving and receiving), spanking, mirror sex, protected sex (reader’s on the pill), degradation, dirty talk, bondage (belt), possessiveness (i guess?)

word count – 6.043 words

summary – it only took a couple of words to make the blood boil in your veins and being the competitive individual you are, you had to prove lee donghyuck, your all-time enemy, wrong.

note – not my best, probably could've done better, but oh well. also this was frkng hard to write, damn, and i may have changed things a bit? BUT, i think it's better like this so… hope you enjoy! btw, i got the idea while reading this, so go check it out –it's good–.

taglist – @prvncejxon, @iwishihadabettername

another friday night wasting your time at some random classmate’s party. you were everything but happy to be there. you didn’t even want to go there in the first place, only finding yourself sitting on the kitchen counter, drink in hand and an ugly scowl adorning your face, because of your annoying best friend.

“hey, i get it, you didn’t wanna come here when you could have been peacefully sleeping in the comfort of your room, but come on, at least try to have some fun. you’re already here anyway.” eunbin –aka your annoying best friend– said, pouting her lips in a failed attempt of looking cute.

you kind of felt bad for her, you suppose it wasn’t exactly easy to deal with your lazy ass. but still, she was supposed to love you and appreciate you just the way you were.

and most of the time she did, just not in this specific situation.

“this isn’t fun at all, i just wanna go home. there’s nothing in here for me at all.”

you brought the red plastic cup to your lips, taking a sip of the bitter liquid eunbin had mixed for you. you weren’t lying, there really wasn’t anything that would make you want to stay, only a few friends of yours getting drunk somewhere in the big house you were currently in.

“come on, please, stay for me,” eunbin fake cried, and for a moment you thought she was going to give up and let you go. “in a bit the guys are gonna play something fun! we should join them, please?” as her last resort, she looked at you with puppy eyes. she was playing dirty and she knew it, you both knew you couldn’t resist them.

giving in with an exasperated sigh, you jumped off the counter to get yourself another drink from the bar in the living room. you were minding your own business until you heard him, the last person you wanted to see at the moment.

“so, i’m telling you guys, she was literally begging me to fuck her, she even moaned while sucking me off–,” donghyuck’s obnoxious voice filled your ears, making you roll your eyes. he was surrounded by a couple of other guys you didn’t know so well but were sure you had seen them before around campus hanging out with him.

“shut up already, dongdong, no one wants to hear it.” you interrupted, walking past him and towards the half empty bottle of vodka on the bar counter.

the group of boys stopped abruptly, all of them turning to look at you, ready for the scene that was going to take place in matter of minutes. donghyuck’s attention also turned to you, biting back a triumphant smirk with a raised eyebrow. he could see past you so he didn’t mind the mocking nickname you used; he could tell you were trying to irritate him enough to make him go away. but he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. he had been eyeing you all night, trying to find ways to get under your skin to catch your attention. and finally, after staying at a safe distance for a while to not spark suspicions, he got what he wanted.

“why so feisty, babe.” the cocky smirk he gave you just made your blood boil, the growing desire to punch it off his pretty face only getting stronger the more you stared at him.

“don’t you get tired of talking shit all day?” you barked, eyes trained on his body while pouring yourself a good amount of alcohol.

you were certainly going to need a lot of liquid courage to get through the night.

“you boast about girls begging for you but i think you’re just trying to hide the fact that you’re the one who has to beg to get laid.”

“i don’t beg, baby.” you rolled your eyes and muttered a ‘sure’. “also, if you’re jealous of me fucking other girls you just had to say it. i wouldn’t be against giving it to you instead.” the stupid wink he threw at you made your body shake in anger, already fed up with the conversation.

“you wish, asshole.”

“actually, i do.”

donghyuck was so fucking annoying, always teasing you and never leaving you alone. your personalities clashed constantly resulting in fights filled with screams and curses, sometimes to the extent of interrupting the class and getting the two of you kicked out of it. he enjoyed watching you struggle and suffer due to his awful pranks, so you were his favorite target. you couldn’t even have a proper date with anyone because he made sure to mess it up either by scaring the crap out of the guy or sabotaging your plans. he almost completely ruined your love life and cockblocked you forever.

you did not get along and everyone knew it.

although eunbin thought it was pure sexual tension and you just needed to get your frustrations off of you with a good fuck.

it wasn’t though.

or was it?

“let’s go hang out with the guys,” your best friend nudged your arm excitedly and you sighed, not feeling like playing anything with them. every time you decided to give in and take part in ‘something fun’ with the guys, it always ended up with you either in trouble or scarred for life.

you had a bad feeling about this all.

“ugh, fine.” she cheered and pulled you through the crowd of drunk people until you reached the basement.

the sound of laughter and screams drowned the music blasting upstairs, there were empty bottles of alcohol sprawled all over the floor and tables and a circle of people in the middle of the room. both of you joined the group with you sitting between eunbin and mark, a close friend of yours that you sadly shared with donghyuck. while you casually chatted and played around with the boy, happily laughing the night away, you could feel a pair of eyes burn holes into your skull. you didn’t have to look up to know who those eyes belonged to, as said person wasn’t even trying to dissimulate.

and by said person you meant donghyuck.

donghyuck hated the way you leaned on mark’s body, how you let his friend rest his head on top of yours and wrap his arm around your waist.

he was jealous, really jealous of your close friendship with the older boy.

mark and you had been friends for a long time now and you could even consider him your best friend, so you were comfortable around each other. you usually hugged, held hands and cuddled, he was used to you wearing his clothes –half of your closet were stolen hoodies that once belonged to him–, he even had a spare change of clothes in his room just in case you decided to drop by for an improvised sleepover. so it wasn’t surprising when sometimes when the two of you hung out on your own, people –even your friends in common– mistook you as a couple.

and the idea of you two dating made donghyuck feel sick to the stomach.

“we’re playing truth or dare, who wants to start?” seoyeon, one of your friends, spoke while looking around for someone to volunteer.

“i’ll go.” lucas raised his hand and everyone nodded, not minding.

the game went smoothly for a while and eventually, the more alcohol everybody drank, the crazier things got. mark ended up getting dared to lick whipped cream off of yuta’s chest and xiaojun had to cross-dress and dance on a table. everything was fine, you hadn’t been picked by anyone yet so you were pretty much having fun just enjoying the show.

until someone called your name.

“y/n, truth or dare?” jaehyun asked with a smirk.

he had an evil glint on his eyes making you feel suspicious. you knew you couldn’t choose truth or else everyone would make fun of you for being a pussy. and jaehyun just knew you well enough to know you weren’t going to let that happen.

you weren’t one to back down.

still, the way he stared at you made an uneasy feeling settle in your stomach.

what could he possibly have in mind?

“dare.”

seems like your gut feeling was right after all.

“give hyuck a lap dance,” jaehyun said immediately after the words left you mouth, making everyone in the room shake, some in excitement and some –you– in anger. donghyuck wasn’t expecting to take part in the dare, but he really wasn’t complaining either. “thank me later babe,” his shit-eating grin only adding fuel to the fire.

fuck.

just as eunbin, donghyuck could sense the sexual tension. and unlike you, he acknowledged it.

but for him it wasn’t just that.

you two had known each other –or at least acknowledged each other's existence– for a few years now, since high school. he was forced to see you almost every day at school, so, naturally, fondness for you started growing slowly in his chest. but it wasn’t until you both left for college that your ‘enemies’ label was established.

and if someone thought he may possibly like you, they were damn right.

he did.

it all started during freshman year, when he tried to befriend you during one of the classes you shared. you seemed irritated by his advances and wanted him away from you, so after a few attempts of softening your heart, he resolved that the only way to stay close to you was annoying the hell out of you.

childish? yeah. he cared? not really.

“come here, babe.” donghyuck tongued the inside of his cheek, a smirk forming on his lips. as he saw the grim look on your face, he sprawled his legs, patting his toned thigh invitingly, eager to get things started.

the look jaehyun gave you had ‘you’re not backing down, are you?’ written all over.

“shit, i hate jaehyun, why did he have to do me dirty like that?” you mumbled angrily to eunbin and she just laughed, finding the situation way funnier than you.

“maybe tonight won’t be as boring as you thought? maybe you’ll end up getting laid.” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and you only scoffed, “shut up, dumbass.”

“why did you have to do me like that, huh?!” you almost screamed at the older, taking a mental note to beat him up later. he just shrugged and threw you a wink, “asshole.”

mark patted your back to help you relax, he could see you weren’t exactly happy about your dare.

“come on, which song would you like, my lady?” lucas asked, scrolling through his spotify for suiting songs.

“or nah!” yangyang answered before you could even open your mouth. just as you were about to ask for a less sexual song, cheering erupted through the room.

everyone was pumped, adrenaline running through their veins and pushing them to do stupid stuff they would probably regret the next day after waking up hungover. and things just took a rather interesting turn, so they obviously were excitedly awaiting the next series of events.

yay, more stupid memories to regret later.

on the other hand, donghyuck was as doomed as you. he knew the song well, he knew the lyrics by heart but what he didn’t know was if he could control himself with you basically dry humping him in front of a bunch of people to the rhythm of it.

he wasn’t sure it was a great idea.

as soon as you got up to complete the dare, you heard cheering and clapping. and you weren’t going to lie, you wanted to throw yourself out of a window.

breathing deeply in an attempt of relaxing to just get it over with, you made your way towards donghyuck until you were standing a few feet in front of him.

as the music started playing, you started moving. running your finger on the surface of his clothed shoulder, you walked slowly around him, like a predator circling its prey. he tried not to follow your movements, already getting anxious by your closeness and nervously waiting for your next move.

i’ma smoke this joint then i’ma break you off.

i’d be lying if i said you ain’t the one.

you pushed his legs open and settled between them. your hands rubbed his thighs teasingly, fingers drawing closer to his crotch but not quite getting there. you took your sweet time feeling him up, softly scratching his strong arms and leaving red trails behind. donghyuck was so into it, enjoying the sight of you kneeling before him so much that his pants were already starting to feel tight.

heard you not the type that you take home to mom.

is we fuckin’ when we leave the club or nah?

i ain’t spendin’ cash for nothin’ i wanna see you take it off.

and oh how he wanted to see you take it off. all night he couldn’t take his eyes off of your figure, you looked really good in the outfit eunbin had chosen for you.

so good it was almost making him drool.

you sat on his lap, hands going to caress his toned chest and stomach. it was well-known that donghyuck exercised frequently, but it still surprised you. he felt so good you had to bite your lip to prevent a sound from coming out.

when you shifted to sit closer to him, his hands flew to your hips and you could tell his intention was to move them lower to grope your ass, but you weren’t having it.

do you like the way i flick my tongue or nah?

you can ride my face until you’re drippin’ cum.

“if you try to touch me again, i’ll tie you up,” you said with a sweet smile plastered on your face, grabbing him by the wrists and harshly dropping them away from you. donghyuck let out a startled gasp at that, obviously not expecting your attitude. with his hands twitching to grasp anything, he went to grip tightly the sides of the chair.

can you lick the tip then throat the dick or nah?

can you let me stretch that pussy out or nah?

your hips ground against his crotch at such a slow pace that donghyuck was having trouble not pushing you down on him faster. he was getting embarrassingly hornier as seconds passed and wanted nothing more than to fuck you right then and there, even with his friends’ eyes on you both.

donghyuck tried so hard to restrain himself from touching you. he wasn’t one to follow orders, but he tried just for you, he really did.

i’m not the type to call you back tomorrow.

but the way you wrappin’ ‘round me is a prob.

and everything was fine until you kissed him. synchronized gasps filled the room, the sudden show of affection confusing everybody. not even your intoxicated self could understand what the hell were you doing nor who you were doing it with. his breath got stuck in his throat, heart thumping against his chest at an alarming rate. his hands almost tried to bring you closer, but he realized what he was doing on time to stop himself.

he finally broke down when your mouth sucked on his tongue, making his hips grind up against yours unconsciously as his hands grabbed you by your waist, pressing your body flush against his.

that was it.

“you asked for it,” your movements came to a stop as you took off your black leather belt, sticking to your threat of tying him up if he didn’t quit it.

pussy so good, i had to save that shit for later.

took her to the kitchen, fucked her right there on the table.

“oh shit,” donghyuck stirred under you trying to get out of the situation.

this couldn’t be happening.

“no, please,” he whimpered as you fastened the belt until it was wrapped tightly around his wrists, locking his arms behind his back. your audience was unable to hold in their surprise, some mouths falling open. he fought against the restraints to no avail, desperate to free himself, “please, let me go,” he cried out quietly, not wanting the other occupants in the room to hear him.

“stop complaining or else i’ll also gag you,” you spat harshly in his ear, done with his attitude, and he swallowed hard. as you nibbled on his lobe, you felt a strong sense of confidence. it made your chest swell in pride to see the usual big mouth jerk with a smug grin constantly attached to his face falling apart under your touch.

seems like he was the one to beg, after all.

you moved your hips to the rhythm of the music, making sure to press harder against the sensitive tip of his cock, which was already leaking precum. although you weren’t an expert, you’d given a fair share of lap dances, so you knew what you were doing.

and donghyuck could certainly tell.

don’t play with a boss, girl take it off.

take it for a real one.

you gon’ get it all.

“whose bitch are you now, huh?” donghyuck couldn’t speak properly, way too hot and bothered for his brain to come up with any smart-ass response.

you tsked disapprovingly at his lack of response.

“when i ask you a question, you answer.” your fingers tangled in his hair and with a harsh tug you forced him to look up. donghyuck was dazed, lips swollen from you biting on them, eyes glassy from arousal, and mind clouded with lust.

“yours.” he whimpered quietly, forgetting momentarily about your audience.

“good boy.”

you loved how easy it was for you to break him and leave him wanting more, to have him so putty in your hands. specially since hearing comments of other female classmates about donghyuck teasing them almost till the brim of tears was part of your day-to-day life. it felt like you were getting revenge for all of them, so you were enjoying it a lot more than anyone could imagine.

your plump lips trailed down the length of his neck, leaving wet kisses along his honey-like skin, and he threw his head back to give you more access. as you licked, sucked and bit the flesh, donghyuck could hear his heartbeat loud over the music. he usually wouldn’t let a girl suck hickeys on his skin, but the idea of you marking him while everyone watched was rather exciting.

he swore the seconds passed slower than usual. you were just halfway through the song but he didn’t know if he could survive any longer.

donghyuck felt light-headed and painfully aroused, and he wasn’t going to last long if you kept kissing him and moving your hips the way you were.

“i’ma go as far as you let me,” your movements became slower to tease him, making the poor boy want to cry in agony. his jeans felt way too tight to be comfortable and he hoped everyone could just leave you two alone to take it off.

“shit, please,” donghyuck’s eyes closed, head falling forward and hanging low as drops of sweat slid down his forehead. the room felt like an oven and he didn’t know if it was a result of the significant amount of people in such a small space, the alcohol, his choice of clothing or your body pressed closely against his.

probably the latter.

girl, is you sucking me or fucking me or nah?

can i bring another bitch? let’s have a threesome.

“keep saying you’re a freak, you gon’ prove it or nah?” you quietly sang along, pulling his face closer by his hair and grinding down on him harder.

donghyuck was going crazy, he had never expected you to be so sexy, to behave so dirtily. but he loved it, and by the prominent tent in his pants, everybody could tell he was in for the ride of his life.

you’s a ride-or-die chick, you with this shit or nah?

say you not a side bitch, you all-in or nah?

you gon’ make them eggs cheesy with them grits or nah?

you brought him in for a hot kiss that left his head spinning.

donghyuck was growing restless as his climax neared, he was so close he could almost taste it. he couldn’t remember when the last time he got so close to cumming only from some teasing was.

everything was happening so quickly he wasn’t able to stop himself before giving in to the pleasure.

“h-holy fuck,” with a shaky moan that you swallowed, donghyuck shot his load, staining the crotch of his dark jeans. you could feel the wetness seeping through the piece of clothing and dampening your bottoms. his hips gave a few more sloppy thrusts, legs shaking weakly and cock twitching from the confines of his jeans, before falling limp on the chair.

or nah.

as the song ended, he came down from his high. you freed him from the iron grip of your belt, the skin on his wrists was red and slightly swollen. you may have tightened it too much in the heat of the moment, but you weren’t apologizing after giving him probably the best orgasm of his life.

the bewildered expression on his face quickly turned grim as it hit him.

he came in his pants like a fucking teenager.

in a room full of people.

in front of his friends, yours and you.

his friends stood there, both confused and surprised to see donghyuck so affected by your touch. nobody had expected things to end the way they did.

“damn, are you okay my man?” johnny asked, laughing at his friend’s flustered state.

“shut up,” donghyuck answered bitterly. he shot up from his seat, grabbing your hand and shoving you inside the nearest bathroom in the house. he didn’t even care to cover the wet spot on his pants, walking with his chin up and a scowl plastered on his face.

and blame it on how riled up you had gotten from the feeling of his hard dick pressing against your needy pussy, but damn, he looked good.

“i wanna go next!” hendery spoke excitedly. you couldn’t tell if he was just messing with you or if he actually wanted you to give him a lap dance too. either way, it made your lips turn upwards in a smug grin.

once you both made it to the bathroom, he locked the door before pushing you against it, back pressed flush into the hard piece of wood. the ambience took a 180 turn, your confidence faltered slightly at the sight of his angry form.

“you think it’s funny, yeah?” he hummed angrily in your ear. “you think i’d let you do whatever you want and embarrass me in front of my friends just because you feel like it without payback?” the look on his eyes getting darker as the words left his mouth.

“if so, oh baby, you were so wrong.”

trying to test him, you decided to answer.

“you’re all bark and no bite, what else am i supposed to think?” you smirked devilishly when you saw him clench his jaw.

“you’re gonna regret being a brat,” his slender fingers wrapped themselves around your waist and with a harsh tug, he pulled you closer to attack your lips, biting and sucking on them, making your legs wobbly. he tasted sweet and bitter at the same time, probably from the liquor he had been drinking all night, and you couldn’t seem to get enough. his lips were soft and plush as they mingled with yours, teeth roughly clashing and tongues fighting for dominance, “am i?”

donghyuck hissed through his teeth as he unbuckled his pants, letting his cum-covered shaft spring free. he was already hard and you unconsciously rubbed your thighs together to ease some of the tension building up between them. his hand shot to your throat, tightening his grip until you couldn’t breathe properly, before forcing you on your knees.

donghyuck tapped his hard and heavy cock on your lips a couple of times before speaking. “open up, slut,” and you did as you were told, parting your lips and poking your tongue out, waiting for him to slide in.

but he didn’t.

he wanted you to lick him clean, he wanted to see you do as he said, follow his orders like a good girl without complaints.

“clean the mess you’ve done. now.”

the harsh tone of his voice sent a wave of arousal straight to your core. your hands immediately shot up to grab a hold of his length, but before you got too close he stopped you. confusion was written all over your face and for a moment you worried he had changed his mind.

“no hands, i want you to work on it only with that dirty mouth of yours.”

with your hands gripping onto his thighs, your tongue swiped from the base to the head of his cock, eagerly licking him clean. once you had swallowed every drop of his cum, your mouth took him whole, hollowing your cheeks, one hand massaging his balls. donghyuck threw his head back as yours bobbed at a rapid pace, the tip of his cock reaching the back of your throat as you swallowed around him.

when he was about to cum, he pulled away from your mouth, making you whine at the loss. wrapping his hand once again around your throat like a beautiful necklace, he forced you up on your feet. he turned you around before pulling you closer by a rough tug. your clothed ass pressed against his dick, a mixture of his arousal and your saliva wetting the cloth. your hips ground back to both tease him, desperate to feel something, anything. his hands went to the front of your jeans, rubbing his fingers over your clothed clit and a whimper fell from your lips.

“more, i need more,” you pleaded, the barrier of clothes making the feeling less pleasurable.

he surprisingly complied without resistance, dipping the digits under the restricting cloth. a deep groan vibrated against the side of your neck when he felt the wetness that had been gathering inside your panties since your dare.

“look at you, so damn wet,” his mouth watered at the feeling of your needy heat. at this point, donghyuck knew everyone had an idea of what you two could possibly be doing, and although he would enjoy returning the favour by eating you out to his heart’s content, there wasn’t enough space nor time to do so comfortably. but he swore he would make it up to you some time.

“for who is it, baby?” the answer was obvious, but still, he wanted to hear it directly from you. he inserted one long finger until it was knuckles deep inside of you and you let out a squeak, head falling back onto his shoulder.

“for you donghyuck, all for you.”

“that’s right, slut, only i can make you that wet, only i can touch you like this. you’re mine, don’t forget that,” he inserted a second finger and pumped them deeply into you.

“yes,” you breathed out softly, too far gone to fight back with a snarky remark.

although his fingers felt good and you could possibly –with a bit of an effort– cum just from them, you still wanted more. you wanted to feel the nice stretch of his cock tearing your walls apart.

“please, donghyuck.”

“what do you want?”

donghyuck knew what you wanted. fuck, he wanted it too, so bad. he had been waiting for an opportunity like this for a long time and now that he could finally have it, he was going to make the best out of it.

“fuck me,” your core ached to be filled so you swallowed your pride and spoke out.

“condom?”

“we don’t need it, i’m on the pill,” you rushed, stomach twisting and turning in excitement, “please, just fuck me.”

donghyuck’s eyes turned darker, lust clouding both of your minds with the only desire to fuck each other stupid. he pulled down your jeans so they were pooling on your ankles and went back to pump his fingers inside you to make sure you were ready to take him. as he entered you, you had to lean on the sink in front of you to hold yourself up or else you would have faceplanted the mirror.

“you feel so good, fuck, so fucking tight,” donghyuck growled when he was balls deep in you.

whimpers fell from your lips from the delicious stretch of his thick cock. after a few seconds of you adjusting to his size, you backed your ass into his hips to let him know you wanted him to move. he gave a couple of thrusts to test the waters before picking up his pace and you gripped the sides of the sink as he pounded into you. his mouth worked on your neck while you brought one of his hands under your shirt to play with your breasts.

“such a pretty sight, don’t you think?” he tugged harshly at your hair to force you to look at your reflection on the mirror, thrusts never faltering.

your makeup was ruined; lipstick smeared messily all over your lips from the hot make-out session, neck full of bruises donghyuck left to claim you, shirt pulled above your breasts displaying your puckered nipples while one of his big hands grabbed your boob as they bounced with every hard snap of his hips.

“you have no idea how many times i had to control myself not to pounce on you,” his eyes never left your quivering reflection, completely in love with the way your frame molded with his, “every single time you couldn’t keep that pretty little mouth of yours closed and all i wanted to do was shut you up with my cock.”

“f-fuck,” his thrusts turned rougher as his free hand wrapped around your neck, tightening his grip and amplifying the mind-blowing sensations he was giving you.

your asscheeks slapped against his hips, which drilled against you at an unhuman pace, hitting the right spots with every snap and making your eyes roll to the back of your head. you couldn’t keep your mouth shut, loud moans threatening to fall from your lips so you slapped your palm over your mouth to muffle your sounds.

“don’t, i want to hear you,” he gave a particularly hard thrust to try and draw a sound out of you, “i want you to be so loud that all of our friends know what we’re doing, i want them to know how good i’m making you feel.”

specially mark.

but he wasn’t going to tell you that.

“h-hyuck,” you couldn’t hold back the broken moan that fell from your lips, pleasure overtaking your body. your hands gave in and you almost fell forward, but donghyuck reacted sooner and pulled you by your hair, holding you up.

“address me properly, brat,” he growled in your ear. you felt a hard slap on your ass, the skin of the abused area stinging from the impact.

“i’m sorry… fuck, donghyuck,” your cries went straight to his dick, urging him to fuck you harder. he kneaded the flesh soothingly before spanking it again and again until you could make out the imprint of his big hand on your asscheek.

“f-faster, please,” you pleaded in a whine and he tsked, shaking his head, “such a greedy little slut.”

“what would everyone think of you if they could see you so eagerly taking my cock, mm?” donghyuck hummed, “begging for me to fuck you until you can’t walk properly?

shocks of pleasure shot through you, his dirty talk helping you reach your release faster than you anticipated. his grip on you was so tight you were sure you were going to be sore the next day. your moans turned pornographic as you neared your release, your walls squeezed around donghyuck to the point he was unable to move, so he started drawing circles over your sensitive clit to help you get off.

“let go, baby.”

and soon, his touch threw you over the edge, causing your body to shake and a broken moan to fall from your lips, legs weak as your whole weight only relied on your arms for support. he followed shortly after, grunting as he filled you up with his warm and sticky essence.

as he pulled out, a mixture of your slick juices and his seed leaked from your abused hole, dripping down your inner thighs. his fingers slid over to gather the drops of cum and opposite to your assumption, he didn’t push it back inside of you but brought the digits to your face, waiting for you to open your mouth.

“suck.”

and you did, eyes locked with his through the mirror as your tongue swirled around his fingers to lick them clean.

“fuck,” donghyuck sighed, “i didn’t know you were so dirty, sweetheart.”

and the teasing comes back.

“do you want me to remind you how i made you cum in your pants back there in a room full of people?” you rolled your eyes in disbelief and he just let out a breathy laugh.

“whatever. either way, even if they didn’t have the pleasure of fucking you or at least seeing you get fucked, they surely could hear you from how loud you were screaming my name.”

“good thing mark now knows who you belong to,” the words slipped out of his mouth before he could think and both of you shared a look of pure shock.

“did you just mention mark?”

“…no?”

“you did! what the fuck? were you jealous of mark?” you asked, eyes wide as you remembered the disgusted look on his face when you and mark got too touchy with each other during the game.

“i am jealous of mark.”

“what? why?”

“oh my god, you’re so dense.”

“shut up, i’m not.”

“yes, you are. i like you dumbass, that’s fucking why. why wouldn’t i be jealous if you two act like you’re dating but always deny it when questioned? i can give you my hoodies, i can cuddle you and hold your hand, i can spoil you with cute stuff. i can be your boyfriend, it doesn’t have to be him.”

everything was so weird.

you were supposed to be enemies for fucks sake.

but he looked cute with pouty lips.

“well, you sure have got a damn weird way of demonstrating it.”

“shut up, okay?” donghyuck snapped, done with trying to get you to shut the fuck up. “i just didn’t know how to approach you or talk to you at all, alright?” he sighed, a scowl forming on his face. “you always seem to be angry when i’m around.” the change in his voice shocked you, it was much softer now, as if he was afraid of you hearing it.

“hey, don’t beat yourself for it, alright?” you sighed, feeling bad for being so mean to him for no reason. because you really didn’t have a reason. whenever you weren’t at each other’s throats and you got time to observe him from afar, you saw how caring he was with his friends, even if most of the time he annoyed the crap out of them.

donghyuck actually seemed like a good guy… if you ignored his teasing.

maybe you didn’t hate him as much as you thought.

“so, would you be my-,”

suddenly, the sound of banging on the door resonated through the room.

“are you done already? i need to pee.”

you quickly fixed your clothes, embarrassed by the presence of someone outside the door waiting for you and donghyuck to get out and momentarily forgetting about the boy’s proposal. just as you were about to open the door and get yourself the fuck out of the situation, his arms wrapped around your waist to pull you closer and whisper to your ear in a way you could feel your panties get damp once again.

“we’re not done yet, princess.”

–lia:)

[foxghost]

Joyful Reunion

Translator: foxghost @foxghost tumblr/ko-fi1 Beta: meet-me-in-oblivion @meet-me-in-oblivion tumblr Original by 非天夜翔 Fei Tian Ye Xiang Masterpost | Characters, Maps & Other Reference Index

Book 4, Chapter 36 (Part 4)

After last night passed, Ye has gotten a lot colder.

Duan Ling opens Batu’s door to find the daybed already empty, and he has no idea where Batu’s gone.

As Duan Ling is about to turn around, Batu’s voice suddenly rings out behind him.

“Don’t move. Otherwise, you’ll die.”

“What a great idea,” Duan Ling says.

“You used me once. And now, it’s my turn to use you.”

Duan Ling’s mind suddenly goes in a different direction and he says, “Batu.”

Batu wonders what that’s about.

Duan Ling says, “After you grew up, your voice sounds so nice.”

Batu is a bit speechless.

Whenever Duan Ling used to think about Wu Du, the Batu in his memories always sounded like a child, his voice sometimes mixed with the bit of roughness that happens when his voice had started to change. But there’s a strange quality to Batu’s voice after growing up, different from Wu Du’s deep resonance, Lang Junxia’s clarity, or Zheng Yan’s roguish bent.

Batu hadn’t expected Duan Ling to say something so off the beaten track, and he is rendered speechless on the spot.

“The hell it sounds nice,” Batu says with his masculine, nice-sounding voice, and lets go of Duan Ling. When Duan Ling turns around, he spots a comb in Batu’s hand.

Bare to the waist and wearing nothing but a pair of doe-skin pants on bare feet, Batu is half a head taller than Duan Ling, just standing there. Perhaps he looks very threatening in others’ eyes, but to Duan Ling, Batu is still Batu.

“Did you go get a bath?” Duan Ling smiles.

“Move aside,” Batu says impatiently, passing by Duan Ling on his way to get dressed in front of the bed.

“You didn’t get everything.” Duan Ling walks over and touches Batu’s neck. It’s still dirty. “There are hot springs in the mountains. If you have the time you can go have a soak there and get yourself cleaner. Don’t wash in cold water. You’ll catch a cold.”

Batu has never been fond of taking baths, and now he probably bathes even less. But the healthy male scent coming off his skin mixed with a bit of sweat after a careless washing still smells rather nice nonetheless.

Duan Ling’s robe is on the bed, neatly folded. Duan Ling only gets a quick look before Batu puts it away.

“I won’t agree to your terms,” Batu says.

Duan Ling picks up the hem of his robe, moves to a spot in front of Batu, and kneels.

“Hey!” In an instant, Batu’s expression darkens.

“Listen to me,” kneeling in front of Batu, Duan Ling says solemnly, “let me finish talking.”

“You’re the heir to an empire!” Batu says furiously, "How can you get on your knees before me so easily?! Do you not care about the honour of your empire? What about your people’s pride?”

Kneeling before Batu, Duan Ling says, “Listen, Batu, even though I never gave you a token …”

“You will get up right now!” Batu says furiously.

“My Lord,” Shulü Rui says through the door, after having rushed here.

“Don’t come in,” Duan Ling says in a low voice.

“You’ll get up … right now!” Batu says.

Duan Ling finally can’t take it anymore. “Can’t you listen to me until I’m done?!”

“Get up first!” Batu puts his arms under Duan Ling’s arms, trying to drag him to a standing position.

“You have to listen to me until I’m done before I can get up.”

“Don’t say anymore! You think I don’t know what you’re going to say?”

“Batu! Stop it!”

As soon as their hands touch, Duan Ling feels uneasy and tries to evade Batu; yet Batu finally can’t control himself anymore and pushes Duan Ling onto the bed. Staring down at Duan Ling’s face, Batu’s breathing begins to quicken, and with Duan Ling underneath him, he wants to lower his head and kiss him hard in the next moment.

Suddenly, they both fall quiet.

“If you do this,” Duan Ling says, “then we won’t be anda anymore. We’re done.”

Batu falls silent for a beat before finally letting go of Duan Ling. He seems to have realised that some things cannot be forced. Even if he forces himself on Duan Ling, he can’t force the one thing inside his heart, that thing called pride.

Batu turns his eyes away to stare at the floor. He says tiredly, “Speak.” He’s finally accepted a certain well-established fact.

“Give me three years,” Duan Ling says. “In three years I’ll bring Southern Chen’s troops to Xunshui and we’ll battle with Xunshui as the boundary line.”

Batu whips his head up and considers Duan Ling as though this is their very first meeting.

“Right now, Ögedei and Chagatai are fighting each other. You are your dad’s only hope. You must resolve the conflict within your clan as soon as possible. At the very least, get rid of Chaghan.”

“Yelü Zongzhen must have taught you to say that.”

“Of course not,” Duan Ling replies. “I need time. Let me go back to Jiangzhou and obtain what belongs to me. Within three years, I will have overthrown the Cai Dog and become Southern Chen’s crown prince. Three years from today, I will command my troops to fight you. If I win, you will retreat beyond the Great Wall, and if I lose, you may do with me as you wish.”

“Swear on it with three strikes of our palms,” Batu says.

Duan Ling rises, backing away several steps, and says, “I don’t have anything I can give you. The Cai Dog took the dagger you gave me.”

“I know. Lang Junxia told me. He told me everything.”

“Is that why you beat him up like that?”

Batu sneers. “I was going to kill him, but he bet you wouldn’t come so I let him live a few more days. Send someone over to the Xunshui in three days. Bring a ram.”

“What does that mean?” Duan Ling asks, but right after that, he guesses that they may be making an oath.

Batu says, “For now, let me go back to them.”

Duan Ling knows that Batu has agreed, and lets out the breath he’s been holding. But his heart just feels heavier and heavier.

Batu puts on his clothes and follows Duan Ling out of the room. Duan Ling then orders Batu’s dagger returned to him, and to inform Wu Du.

“Escort him out of the city,” Duan Ling orders.

Batu doesn’t say anything at all, and as soon as he’s escorted to the northern gates of Ye, he mounts his horse. Duan Ling wants Shulü Rui to accompany him the whole way, but Batu waves off that idea. “Remember to come over in three days.”

Batu steers his horse away from Ye and gallops north.

“Did he agree to your terms?” Wu Du says.

“Three years,” Duan Ling replies. “I’ve delayed this match to three years from today.”

“That’s fine I suppose,” Wu Du says. “Three years is too long. Would be best if it’s spring of next year.”

Duan Ling turns around, not sure what to say, he stares at Wu Du. “I promised him that, if I lose …”

“There’s no way you’d lose,” Wu Du replies. He doesn’t even ask what Duan Ling’s terms of exchange were before taking his hand and heading back to the city with him.

In front of Wu Du, all of Duan Ling’s apprehension vanishes like smoke.

“Three years is too short.” After Duan Ling relates what had happened, Yelü Zongzhen says, “you should have asked for ten. You Han have this saying, 'it is not too late for a gentleman to seek revenge even it’s been ten years’.”

“Whether it’s too long or too short,” Duan Ling says, "why don’t you two talk it over and come to some conclusion.”

“Send a message to Marquess Yao,” Fei Hongde says. “You don’t need to ask for reinforcements anymore, do you?”

“Let’s wait a bit longer.” Duan Ling’s mind is still not entirely at ease, worried that some unforeseen situation should arise over on Batu’s side. Three days later, he has a ram prepared and arrives on the shore of Xunshui. The messenger has already reported over and over that the northern shore of the Xunshui are filled from horizon to horizon with Mongolian soldiers, but they have not yet crossed the river.

There’s a sandbar in the middle of the Xunshui. In the summer, the water is high enough to submerge it, and now that it’s winter, the water has dried up, revealing a strip of sand. It was right here that the soldiers waited for those wooden logs to float down from upstream.

The Mongol horde of fifty-thousand is right across the river. Batu has arrived with Amga, while Duan Ling is wading over with Wu Du and Yelü Zongzhen.

“Yelü Zongzhen, good thing you’re here — you can be our witness,” Batu says to Yelü Zongzhen, then turning around to his own army, he says loudly, “The Emperor of Liao is here as our witness. The man standing before me grew up with me. He once saved my life as well as my father’s life in Shangjing. Though I was defeated and held as a captive, he has released me and given me back my freedom. I have decided to take the oath of anda with him!”

There is not a voice to be heard from those on the other side of the river; everyone is listening quietly to Batu.

On Duan Ling’s side, there are only three people: himself, Wu Du, and Yelü Zongzhen.

“We have promised to fight each other three years from today! The location will be decided upon later! He let me live, and in return, I promise him that his city will not be attacked for three years. In three years, if he loses that battle, the iron hooves of our horses will gallop across the Xunshui, and he will not try to stop me!”

The Mongolian soldiers on the northern shore raise their weapons as one, shouting in unison. Chaghan, meanwhile, is sitting on his horse, considering the two people on the sandbar. It seems like he really doesn’t want to let this happen. But to the Mongols, becoming sworn brothers is a most sacred thing; no one can interfere. Even though it was humiliating for Batu to end up a prisoner of war, using such a method to resolve the problem actually makes people admire him more.

“If I lose!” Batu shouts again, “I will cut my own throat and leave my life to my anda!”

Duan Ling is stunned.

“You …” Duan Ling says, “You take that back!”

Batu backs up a single step. His eyes are smiling. He stabs the ram in the neck and blood sprays out in an arc. Yelü Zongzhen’s subordinate brings them two wine bowls, fills them to the brim with strong liquor, and catches some of the ram’s blood with them.

Batu hands Duan Ling a bowl of wine. “Drink it. You had your terms, so of course I do too.”

Duan Ling takes the wine bowl from him, looking into Batu’s indigo blue eyes, while Batu stares into Duan Ling’s black eyes.

Duan Ling drinks the wine down in one gulp. The burning sensation of strong alcohol rush up his throat, so sharp it makes his eyes water.

“During these three years,” Batu adds, “none of you can stop me from coming to see my anda.”

Speaking, Batu bends down and picks up two pebbles soaked in ram’s blood. He hands one to Duan Ling and says, “Treat this as our token. Take good care of it.”

Duan Ling steps forward and hugs Batu. Quietly, he says, “Take care, Batu.”

Batu doesn’t say more. He gets on his horse and steers it away. When he gets to Chaghan, they speak for a little while, and there Chaghan calls out a command. The entire army thus moves to withdraw from the Xunshui shore.

This translation is by foxghost, on tumblr and kofi. I do not monetise my hobby translations, but if you’d like to support my work generally or support my light novel habit, you can either buy me a coffee or commission me. This is also to note that if you see this message anywhere else than on tumblr, it was reposted without permission. Do come to my tumblr. It’s ad-free. ↩︎

[jjkpls]

the wishlist (m) - 5

“She broke up with me.”

> genre : Angst, fluff

> pairing : jeon jungkook x reader (f)

> words : 4k

> content/warnings : back at it again w/ the bff2l; one sided love, lot of pining; explicit language; ambiguous infidelity; jjk heartbroken & crying; some wholesome flashbacks to make you swoon

previous - next

The next box arrives about a month or so later. You haven’t seen Jungkook in a while. He had been out of town, hopping from shop to shop, completing a series of long-awaited guest positions. 

He’s kept you up with his days and his appointments as much as he could, sending you dorky selfies, little videos of city landscapes you’ve never seen before, and exhausted late vocal notes made in tiny, with dragged on, mumbled words, to wish you luck and send you some courage for work. 

You did not expect that the day you’ll meet again, he’d be so different from the Jungkook you prefer and left a month ago.

It takes you a few seconds to realize. At first, you’re preoccupied with the sudden set of needles stinging your insides when you hear the peculiar sound of your front door being unlocked. There’s a very finite amount of probability that it’s not him, he's the rudest of your tiny group of friends and the only one that feels comfortable enough in your home to invite himself without any prior warning.

It’s him, your best friend and subject of too many of your both daily and nightly thoughts and preoccupations.

Once he appears in the door frame, with his heavy coat on his heavy XXL sweatshirt, in his heavy military pants, face turned down hidden by his hair, the magic thing, that grows so mysteriously quick. There’s the little explosion of warmth in your chest. The one that makes you smile tenderly without meaning to. He’s allowed to see how happy he makes you, as a friend anyway. Everybody smiles this way when he walks into a room.

Your eyes catch sight of a box, all white, that fits in his hand. Your eyes roll on reflex. You’re about to curse again. It’s not nice, you don’t want to, to attack him as soon as he returns to you but he’s asking for it, isn't he?

He’s still in the hallway, slowly slipping his shoes off, focus fixed on the present in his hand. The time he takes doing it and the seemingly seriousness you feel irradiating from his aura, confuse you.

Jungkook shakes his head twice, the way he does, kind of like a wet puppy would, before setting the box on the counter of your open kitchen.

It’s only when he starts walking towards you, that his head raises up, just a bit, enough for his eyes to meet yours through his hair. He has a tiny smile as a greeting. He looks really upset. 

He should be bouncing on the balls of his feet, he should be doing some TikTok cringe dance moves to make you laugh or yell some greetings in a dialect. He has a lot of peculiar, very Jungkook ways to celebrate meeting you again after a while. Even if neither of you has ever said the words, you do miss each other a lot when you can’t see each other, and the excitement that blooms during your reunions translates that. 

But he’s sad today. It’s obvious. 

When he takes a seat beside you on the couch, he avoids your gaze. You’re agape, watching him with probably too much insistence, a hand holding a spoon half-filled with yoghurt in the air.

These few moments are decisive. They’ll determine rather he’ll talk or not. Jungkook, for someone who cries easily, is not good with feelings and sharing them aloud. Sometimes he can, often he can’t. He’s told you not to worry about it before, that it was fine because sometimes he just didn’t need to, he just wanted a shoulder to lay his head-on. 

“You okay, Guk?”

He shrugs. You just have the time to catch his upper lip sucked in, a twinkle in his eye before he’s switching position, bumping into you and hitting his own shin against the coffee table like a giant dog, unaware of his own growth, would. Only to settle for an impressively tiny huddle against your side, cheek pressed to your shoulder. 

So that’s how it’ll be. 

It’s heartbreaking, torturesome. You always feel miserable when you know he’s sad but not knowing the reason makes it a thousand times worse. You might be the same vengeful kid you used to be. The one who’ll inquire straight away who made him cry and immediately went on her way to beat that reason up -it being another child or the troll of a tree that made him trip. 

Except you are grown-ups now. He knows he can deal with his problems on his own and he would probably not let you go and try to beat up everyone -he probably doesn’t believe you can too, even though he’d be wrong about that. 

Jungkook tears his hand out of his pocket only to mime you to turn up the volume of the television. You do so and the pretty hand is gone and if it wasn’t for his quiet sniffling and the heavy press on your side, you wouldn’t know he’s really here with you at all. 

Your heart hurts the whole duration of the shitty afternoon movie, even if having his warmth next to you helps a little. He leaves later the way he entered, mostly silently, only smiling a bit when you smooch the side of his head and squeeze his forearm in a wordless comforting effort.

Guk

Sorry for earlier

Guk

It was nice seeing you though

You

Don’t be sorry. Can you call?

Guk

Yes, in 5

The five minutes turn out to be twenty. You wonder, hoping to be wrong, how numerous those tears were that he needed twenty minutes to dry them. 

When he finally calls, voice quiet and throat dry, whispering through the phone straight in your ear, uneasiness settles deep and heavy in your stomach as you know, you were right. 

“What happened, Jungkook?”

He must not have heard you this soft and gentle for a while because you can hear a humourless chuckle you recognize as incredulity. He clears his throat a first time, inhales deep and has to clear it a second time before he can start, still choking out on a syllable or two. 

“She broke up with me.”

The gasp that escapes you, loud and obnoxious, could not have been faked. This news is hardly believable to you. First of all, because, to your greatest guilty despair, Jungkook and his girlfriend, who’ve been dating for almost a year, are probably the embodiment of The Power Couple. There’s no doubt, in all the people that know them, that they are meant to be. They look good together. They are on the same page, always, it seems. They’re beautiful and enviable, an example of a match from Heaven, healthy and aesthetic if that's even a mentionable point.

You can’t, even in your deepest, darkest fantasies, have imagined them to break up. 

But the thing that makes it all the harder to comprehend is that she is the one who did it. The girl is great. She’s beautiful, she’s smart and funny, so you heard. She has that glamour to her, with her dainty pretty milky hands and long thin milky neck, with her silky, shiny black locks wondrously floating over her shoulders. She is great, matches him well.

She is not that far behind him but she's still not Jeon-Jungkook-great.

How could she have broken up with him? Someone dumping him makes no sense to you. 

“That’s-“ You catch yourself before the words slip out clumsily. You’ve never really been talented at comforting people with words, especially a crying Jungkook which is the equivalent of your very own kryptonite. “I’m so sorry, Jungkook.” And you mean it. Even more so when you hear him snivel hard. You’ve never allowed yourself to, even just for yourself, in the quiet and discreet comfort of your own head, wish for that to happen. Because if there’s one thing that you want more than anything else, more than having him for yourself, more than your own fulfilment, it’s his happiness. And he was happy with Jiyeun. He’s got the girl he had a crush on for months and they went so well together. “But why? Did she give you a reason?”

You hate how eager you sound asking. The question is so pressing though. You wish to know so bad why, in what circumstances, Jeon Jungkook gets dumped. 

“She-“ There’s a sob he swallows back. “I know what you’ll say,” Your eyebrows dip low on reflex. You couldn’t imagine the reason. He must have really fucked up but Jungkook is not the kind to fuck up. Even when he’s annoying, even when his mindset on something turns a bit auto-centric, he’s too compassionate, he’s too considerate and loving, to suddenly stop wondering how the person facing him is feeling and act without care, hurt them, in any way. It’s just not his kind. So what did he do that even you’ll have a word to say about it. “Spare me because she’s done enough.” 

It takes another set of minutes for him to gather himself, find most of his voice back clear enough for you to decipher. You show yourself patient, not saying anything and leaving him all the time that he needs. In all honesty, in the darkness of your curtain closed bedroom, tucked comfortably in your mountain of pillows and blankets, with your phone stuck to your ear and just the quiet sound of his breathing and humming to himself to break the silence, but rock it rather than disturb it, it’s easy to be patient. Feels like an ASMR. A class A type of ASMR, his breathing to your ear could so easily lead you to sleep. 

“Yesterday, she came to welcome me back and-“ Rather than hurt, his tone sounds weakened by shame now. What the hell did he do? “She found the- the thing I brought for you today.”

The fucking idiot.

“Oh my God.” You feel instant nausea. It's not like you never thought about it. You wondered, multiple times, if she was aware that her boyfriend was buying you these. You never allowed dipping far in the questioning because what would be the point? Ultimately, it's his relationship. And it's his way of shaping your friendship. If she kept smiling pleasantly, asking politely, as she always would, how you're doing whenever you happened to cross her path, leaving his apartment, or visiting his shop, it was fine by you. It must have been fine by her. She might have known about it, or she might not, didn't really matter. Jeon Jungkook is a grown-ass man, who's allowed to make his own decisions, no matter if they make sense to you, or her, or whoever.

But he's a fucking idiot.

If she didn't know, if he didn't warn her, and now she's mad after learning about it, and he's surprised and he's sad then he's a fucking idiot.

“She asked if it was for her, I wasn’t gonna lie!” Fantastic. He's passed the shock, soaked in wrath now. That was quick.

"For fuck's sake, Jungkook!"

"What?" He sounds a bit hysterical on the phone, voice rough and angry, incredulous, even mad that you might suggest he's wrong. Obviously, he already knew you'd react this way, hence the primary warning. "You're my best friend. I get to gift you whatever the fuck I want." He whisper-yells, suddenly very much aware again of the late time and the quiet calmness he'd perturbed. "She-"

"I don't think that's the issue, is it? Did she- Did you tell her that- Like, nothing was up?" You don't know how to articulate what you mean to ask. It sounds so bizarre, so irrealistic, the idea of something romantic or sexual going on between you two. It sounds so ludicrous you can't even say it. And again, you're scared to say the words. You don't know how they'll sound leaving your mouth. Suspicious, maybe revealing.

You owe to ask the question though. Because the cause of the sudden nausea comes from one surprisingly major reason, you would hate for her to hate you. To think of you as the bad guy, the massive bitch who stole her boyfriend. It shouldn't matter but it does.

"What do you mean?"

"That it was just friendly. Did you say that to her?" You stutter, largely on edge.

"Of course, I did." He doesn't seem to notice. Or to pay attention to the, evident to your ear, change in your tone. "She said that it didn't matter." You bite your tongue, along with the couple of words threatening to slide off it. Quite frankly, Jungkook is a weirdo with his own intake on the world surrounding him, she chose to date that special, in a lot of different ways, one, however, you can fairly understand that she wouldn't accept any explanation, of any kind, for this situation. "Do you get that? If she thought I was cheating, I'd understand that she'd be mad but- it's not even the case!"

You try to focus on the essence of the conversation, annihilate the faint words you can read in between the lines. The ones that say that even his girlfriend, in those strange circumstances, couldn't imagine the two of you as more than friends. Just as he couldn't. Just as you can't either.

"She knows and she's still mad. But- I do- I was just curious about it."

"About what?"

"The toys." He pouts, barely articulate like the kid he really is.

"Why didn't you get them for her, then? She's your girlfriend."

There's a pause after your words coming from him.

"She hates those." The pout sounds so thick now, in between the sniffs, you wonder if his mouth won't stay stuck in this position, like a cute permanent raspberry on his cute little dumb face. "I did once and she- threw it in my face and called me a freak."

"Jungkook." You sigh. "That explains a lot, by the way." This comment might be mainly for yourself. He doesn't need an explanation, as it seems. He doesn't seem that troubled about the whole deal, about that new hobby he's picked for himself. But you did. It's hard to simply content yourself with a "well, it is what it is" and nothing more.

He's been curious about them, couldn't buy them for Jiyeun because she wouldn't use them and make him feel guilty about his interest. He's sort of living it by procuration this way.

Now you feel guilty. He can't have found much satisfaction from your reviews if you ever have given him any. And she called him a freak. What a bitch. You wouldn't have imagined that coming from her.

Your mind is a mess.

"And it makes you happy. I see the way-" You hear the friction of tissues, the squeaking of his bed, and the deep sigh that follows when, as you picture, he finds a comfortable position on his back. "You seem much better. Less stressed and-" You cannot deny that. Even though it's partially frustrating, to think that he has this very unpleasant picture of you, of the version of you preceding the very first orgasm brought by him - sort of. You are feeling considerably better. Even if you have to force yourself not to abuse the masturbatory habits, not wishing to turn into a jerk off crazed teen like you once was when your hormones were fucking you up, it helps a lot. Sometimes it's a late-night quickie, other times a longer seance to celebrate the start of the weekend, or find force for the beginning of a new week.

"What was that again? Youthful?" You wonder aloud, an annoyingly amused smile on your face.

"Rejuvenated." He's laughing a bit. And for that, all the turmoil he's been putting you through feels fine and worth it. When you think about the heartbreaking tone of his voice when you first heard it through the phone, it eases an incredibly heavyweight to your heart, enchants you to know that he can still laugh, and you can still be the one reminding him how to. Unfortunately, his heart's just recalled how to hurt and the ache is back as quick as it pretended to leave an instant ago. "She said to never call her again." He confides with a hearable sorrow.

"She didn't mean it." It's surprisingly easy to be a good friend to him. The words you know he needs to hear not even hurting that bad.

"I don't know. We never fought like that before."

"Of course, you didn't. But it's been a year, it ought to happen at some point."

"But if she won't even let me talk to her, how am I supposed to make it better?"

"Be patient and leave her time to cool down." He sighs, already defeated. "Maybe send her a vocal note, she'll listen when she's ready.” They're awfully nice when he sends some to you. “It'll be fine." You're made to be together, probably, you should add. You could add, it might help him immensely, to dry the tears you can picture filling up his eyes. It's a little too much though. You're not that strong of a masochist to force this on you.

"How do you know that?"

"I just do. Don't worry too much." He can't. His heavy silence precisely screams that. "Do you wanna come to my island? I'll let you run in my flowers if you want."

It makes him laugh once again. The lovely, most satisfying sound to your ear.

"That's sweet of you." And it is, extremely sweet of you. If there's one thing that you despise is him sprinting through the mindfully planted flower beds of your Animal Crossing island. It pisses you off. Even more so when he does it by accident than on purpose, because this shit happens way too often. And now, you're allowing him to do so. You're definitely too good at being his friend. "It's fine though. Turnips sell at 138 on mine if you're interested."

It's your turn to be laughing now. You love how even with his heartbroken, upset and crying, he still picks up his Switch to check where's the turnips' stock at.

"Jungkook." I adore you.

You have for seemingly ever. Since the very first time you met.

You'd never forget it. How you almost passed out from laughing because of the street sign that nearly knocked him unconscious. His forehead was already bruising dark, eyes unfocused and shiny with tears. You didn't mean to laugh but he was adorable and funny, and even if you felt guilty for enjoying it, people don't run their faces into street signs every day. You called it in your own head a miracle.

He had to sit for a little while from how dizzy he felt. His ears were burning with embarrassment too, your uncontrollable giggling not helping. He just sat there, on a bench you had dragged him to, hands tucked in the pocket of his sweatshirt, waiting for you to allow him to leave.

The kid stood unbalanced the four times he tried to walk and even if at eleven, you had nothing close to a doctoral degree, you still felt like it was wrong to just let him stumble his way back home straight away. You had to hold him hostage for a little while. You had shared your homemade cookies with him, the ones you hid deep in your bag for you didn't want anyone to ask for a bite at school. You made him drink the whole content of your water bottle because drinking water is never an unhealthy thing to do, therefore, it felt like a good idea.

He was so shy that your own timidness quieted down enough to allow you to make conversation to him. Or more accurately talk over the silence and distract him. He giggled a lot and smiled with cute bunny teeth. Kept saying thank you for every bit of cookies you'd given him and once you had walked him home and he arrived safe and sound, he bowed very low, apologized and thanked you again.

You thought it'd be the end of it. He pretended to be going to the same school as you but you had never seen him also he was a few years younger.

The next day, and every single day after that, at recess, he would appear out of nowhere. Wearing his adorable smile, and a tint of red on his ears, a bunch of homemade cookies of his own filling up his pockets. As a puppy would, he'd follow you around with a certain distance until you waved him over, rolling your eyes, because if he was going to stick by your side, he might as well actually play with you.

The most precious friendship you have ever experienced bloomed from this seed. A friendship, at the start, mainly based on a shared interest for very sugary treats, marbles, and that common memory of him eating shit in this street sign. You didn't mean to remind him, it made him flush furiously each time and you were not that cruel, but you couldn't help bursting out in laughter whenever you'd walk home -with him or alone- and pass that sign. It's your favourite spot in your home town. You never miss an occasion to take a selfie for him whenever you go to visit your parents.

It's hard to define the moment your feelings, once purely platonic, changed. But there's a memory that feels notably significant.

A guy made you fall. A useless asshole, who in retrospect was not even worth a single crumble of your time. You were confused. As you often get, without really knowing why. Maybe it's just you, maybe it's for everyone the same. People start by being too good in your eyes, too good for you not to give them your all, and maybe build pyramides upon pyramides of expectations.

Until they're not anymore.

Suddenly, they hurt your feelings. They suck ass and you felt so invested emotionally, way too invested for it to be any kind of healthy, and their very human selves harm you straight in the heart, where it is the most painful.

It didn't feel like a mistake this time. Like any of the other times, at the beginning, of course, otherwise, it wouldn't catch you again and again.

You fell hard and it's Jungkook who picked you up. He had cooked for you, one of his mother's infamous recipes because he knew you wouldn't even bother eating otherwise. He had held you close. He had kissed the top of your head, your cheeks and your eyelids when a diehard tear had slipped. He had called you baby and sunshine and his little kitten. Had showered you in an unfamiliar type of loving. Something so soft, so tender and warm. Hands firm when they'd wrapped around you and pulled you in. Fingers gentle when they'd brush the hair out of your face. He took care of you, made you feel good in ways no one has ever had. You had not known him to be like that. Suddenly, he really felt like a man when he touched you, when he talked to you. He wasn't only a dorky little overgrown baby anymore. He was a man, shaped like one but also able to act like one. Able to take care of a woman, please one you were sure of it. And suddenly, you wanted, so desperately, to be that woman. To have the same free access you had on his usual candid-self, on this newly met man.

Of course, it's too ludicrous for you to ever act on it. But deep down, a naive tiny voice kept claiming, in the back of your mind, that you could spoil him. Very few people in this world know him the way you do, surely, no one can please him the way you could.

Guk

She listened to my note!!!

Guk

She said she'll make me miss her a bit more and then she'll call

It took less than a day for her to give him a sign. You're not surprised. It's hard not to miss him. You're not surprised but somehow, still, disappointed.

A/N: tadam!! i needed to include some flashbacks because i know my fellow f2l addicts just adore these, also, i just can’t get over writing kookie as a cute kid.

Guess what guys? there is only one chapter to go *sweats profusely* I- am worried. I hope you keep enjoying it and will enjoy the rest. :] For now, let me know your thoughts. I hope you have a sweet, lazy Sunday and wish you a lovely, peacful week! bises!

As always please ask to be tagged for the final chapter on this post

[nctsjiho]

Lost Boy

warnings: none

era: fall 2018

❀ JiHo and Winwin go on a little mission to find a lost child’s parents

“I don’t know who’s idea it was to leave an 18 year old and an awkward foreigner boy alone in a foreign country, but the idea doesn’t sound the brightest.” JiHo noted while she scanned her surroundings. Winwin took slight offence to the comment and pushed her arm. “Hey! I’m not awkward.” The girl only sent him a smirk before looking around again.

The pair were outside in a less busy area of LA, while their manager went inside a store to grab some essentials. Normally something like that wouldn’t be allowed by the company so the manager had made JiHo and Winwin promise they wouldn’t tell anyone about it. Of course JiHo took advantage of the situation by requesting the manager would buy them some snacks - which also wasn’t allowed during JiHo’s diet, but the manager had to choose between potentially loosing his job, or just getting told of for letting JiHo break her diet. The decision was easily made.

While Winwin and JiHo immersed themselves in a casual conversation, JiHo suddenly felt a tug at her jacket. A little shocked at the unexpected movement, the girl looked down to see a small boy looking up at her. He must have only been around 5 years old, which made JiHo confused about who would let such a young child alone. But by the looks of the boy’s wide and teary eyes, it was definitely a case of a lost child, probably scared out of his mind.

JiHo’s features immediately softened, not wanting her underlying panic and concern for the boy affect the kid. “Hey little guy, what are you doing here alone?” JiHo asked in English and crouched down so she was at eye level with him. The little boy, however, didn’t respond. His lips were slightly trembling and his tears pooled at the corner of his eyes.

Winwin, who felt as shocked to see the lost child, crouched down as well and when the boy faced him he waved. “Hello.” He greeted in Korean, which had JiHo roll her eyes. “You weirdo, he doesn’t understand Korean. We’re in America.” She scolded, hitting her friend’s arm lightly. “You don’t know that.” Winwin retaliated. 

Before JiHo could fire back, the “arguing” friends heard a little giggle from the young boy. They both looked at the boy with smiles growing on their faces. “We sound funny don’t we?” JiHo asked and the young boy nodded, causing JiHo to laugh. She quickly translated to Winwin who found it endearing as well.

“What’s your name?” “Jonas.” The boy started to feel shy and casted his gaze on the floor. “Hi Jonas.” Winwin’s sweet tone completely stole the young boy’s heart as he now confidently smiled at Winwin. “No matter where we are, no matter who it is, everyone always falls in love with you.” JiHo snickered to which the older boy shrugged and then continued to wave at Jonas.

“What happened Jonas? Where are your parents?” The boy looked up at JiHo before explaining that they were with him at the park nearby and then suddenly he couldn’t see them anymore. “Did you cross the street all by yourself?” Jonas nodded as his eyes began to fill with even more tears. “Hey, don’t cry. We’ll go find your parents, but you should never cross the street by yourself okay?” Again the boy nodded and JiHo stood up.

Not really understanding what JiHo had just said, Winwin followed her lead and stood up as well. “What are we doing?” Winwin asked and JiHo’s eyes fell on the store their manager walked into about 5 minutes ago. “We’re going to find Jonas’ parents.” She looked at the small boy who was holding onto her hand and looking around the street, hoping to find his parents.

Winwin felt a bit uneasy, even though he wanted to help the child, their manager had no idea what was happening and had “ordered” them to wait outside and not move until he was back. JiHo noticed her friend’s inner turmoil and groaned. “If I have to I’ll go alone, but I’m not letting a kid go and find his parents alone in the late afternoon.” “But can’t we wait till hyung is back and go together?” Winwin tried to compromise. “We don’t know how long he’s going to be in there, and I don’t know how long his parents have been looking for their son. They must feel devastated.”

JiHo noticed how cold Jonas’ hand was so she took her jacket of and wrapped it around the little boy’s shoulders. “I’ll carry you.” She crouched down and Jonas wrapped his tiny arms around JiHo’s neck as he let her pick him up. “I’m going to look for his parents. You’re free to come or stay here, but I’m going.” JiHo told Winwin and then left in the direction of the park.

Winwin did a double take of the store before running and catching up to JiHo and Jonas. “I’m not letting you go alone.” He mumbled, to which JiHo felt a smile creeping on her lips.

Once they enter the park, JiHo asks Jonas a few questions like, “Where was the last place you saw your parents?” and “Did you see in which direction they left?”. Jonas wasn’t much of a help since he didn’t remember much. Yet JiHo completely understood, the boy lost his parents, he must have been so scared and panicked.

5 minutes went by, but they felt like at least half an hour and still they hadn’t found Jonas’ parents. Noticing how the small boy started to become a bit more restless Winwin came up with an idea. “I’ll carry him and you can run around and ask people if you have seen his parents.” Winwin suggested to which JiHo agreed. She handed over Jonas to Winwin who tried his best to entertain the boy. His English skills were very minimal, but Jonas seemed to prefer him saying things in Korean anyway. Each time he did, it elicited a giggle or a smile.

All Winwin had to do was keep Jonas calm, so JiHo could run around and hopefully find Jonas’ parents as soon as possible. He hated the fact that JiHo was running around alone at 5 pm on a particularly cold day, in nothing but a t-shirt and jeans. Her jacket was still wrapped around Jonas, who seemed to appreciate the warmth it provided.

Winwin’s mind was clouded with so many thoughts, what if they didn’t find Jonas’ parents? What if something happened to JiHo? She was only 18 - technically speaking 17, her birthday was in a few months -  in a foreign country, with no supervision. Speaking of supervision, how was their manger going to react? Had he already left the store? Had he noticed him and JiHo weren’t there yet? How-

“Jonas!” “My baby!” Winwin’s head snapped to the direction of the screams. There he saw JiHo and two adults running towards them. “Mommy! Daddy!” The little boy screamed, happy to see his parents again. Quickly, Jonas was scooped out of Winwin’s grasp by the little boy’s father. “Thank you two so much! Oh my God, I was so scared!” The mother cried and pulled JiHo in a hug.

Once the mother stopped crying and had hugged her child, they turned to the two idols. “Thank you again! Thanks for taking care of my little boy.” The father said, trying to calm down his rapidly beating heart. “No worries, your son is such a nice boy.” JiHo explained while she got her jacket handed back. “How could I ever repay you?” JiHo held up her hands explaining that they were okay and didn’t need anything. “Did they take good care of you?” The father asked Jonas who then excitedly started telling about how nice JiHo was and how funny Winwin and JiHo talked to each other. It melted both their hearts and then they waved the family goodbye after getting a last hug from the boy.

“He was cute.” Winwin smiled to which JiHo agreed. She then poked his shoulder twice. “We should head back, oppa isn’t going to be happy-” “YOU TWO!” As if on cue, their manager appears, sweat was dripping of his temples as he approached them. “I told you to wait in front of the store! I could already see my career- no, my whole life flash in front of my eyes!” JiHo and Winwin look at their manager with a sheepish grin. “Why are you here?” Winwin then explained what happened and their manager’s gaze softened.

“Next time, don’t forget your phones in the hotel okay? I was worried sick, but thank God you’re both fine.” The manager patted both idols’ shoulders. “And you did something amazing. I’m happy you found that little boy’s parents. I think I almost can relate to his parents.” JiHo cooed at their manager and looked up at him with big eyes. “Aw~ You care about us like we’re your own children?” JiHo teased which caused Winwin to laugh. “Never mind. Maybe I shouldn’t have come to find you.” He groaned.

“Me?! Why are you looking at me only? What about Winwin?!” JiHo asked offended. “What do you mean, JiHo? Didn’t you say everyone always falls in love with me?” The boy wiggled his brow as he mocked the girl. She rolled her eyes while looking at the manager. “Yeah, I think I prefer Winwin right now. Here you go buddy.” He hands him the snacks he got for him earlier. “What about mine?” The manager laughed. “I stress binge ate your snack while I was looking for you guys.” JiHo stopped in her tracks, mouth fallen open while the other two continue to walk. “That’s so unfair.” JiHo mumbled but quickly rushed to catch up with the others.

“Be careful what you say oppa. I can tell SM about how you left us alone outside-” “Here!” He shoved a bag of snacks into JiHo’s hands which made her smile sweetly. “Have I ever told you, you are my favourite manager?” JiHo beamed while opening the snack. “Shut up and eat.” He grumbled.

---

Side Note: Long overdue Winwin writing, there’s still a few members that I haven’t written for, so I’m slowly getting there. The member’s I haven’t written for, funnily enough, are some of the ones that I want to write for the most, but I’m having a hard time finding the perfect stories for them. Just letting you know, so you know that I love them as much as the other members. I know Haechan and Doyoung appear on this blog the most, (and I might have another Doyoung angst in my drafts) but that isn’t because I like them more, I love all NCT members equally. <3

Also posting 2 days in a row because I felt inspired and I might have given up on an assignment for this

[emerald-amidst-gold]

OC Questionnaire

Thank you @1000generations and @rosella-writes for the tags! I love things such as this that allow me to flesh out Fane more! :D

I’ll tag: @oxygenforthewicked @the-dreadful-canine @varric-tethras-editor @noire-pandora @blueheaded and anyone else that’d like to give it a go! :3

----

THE BASICS:

Character’s name: Fane Lavellan/Aterian (The second name is one he’s rarely called until later on. Mainly post-Trespasser by those in his contingent of agents.)

Role in story: The Inquisitor (highly derogatory)

Physical description: Short, messy snow white hair and eyes that hold two colors instead of one (emerald and gold). Bears the vallaslin of Sylaise (full-face). Relatively angular face and holds features that are more indicative to ancient elves than the ones of today. Overall height is 6′1 and is far more muscular in build than other elves, but still slender enough that he isn’t mistaken for a Qunari. Entire body is littered with patch-work scars and has a singular, long scar upon his left cheek (inflicted by Solas) 

Age: Appears 24 (approximately 5,000 years old in actuality)

MBTI/Enneagram Personality Type: INTP-T (Logician). Fane is very much like me in the fact that he’s extremely analytical. He’s always questioning and trying to piece together ‘why’ or ‘how’. Sadly, social skills are lacking for him, and he comes across as proud or insensitive due to how he words things or his lack of understanding when it regards to why someone might be put off by his views.

INTERNAL LIFE:

What is their greatest fear? 

To be forgotten/Himself

Inner motivation: 

Rebirth. Fane wants to see the world restored to what he remembers (i.e. before the Veil was erected), and he wishes for his kin to thrive once more, to belong to no master but themselves. The birth of Yune (the last of Fane’s specific kin) awakens the ideal of ‘hope’ in his heart and allows him to believe that what he strives for is possible.

Kryptonite: 

Pride and Wrath. Fane has a volatile temper that tends to get him into trouble, on and off the battlefield. He is prone to bouts of proud behavior due to the fact that he’s lived for so long and believes he knows what the ‘absolute’ in the world is. 

What is their misbelief about the world? 

That everything terrible that has happened to him or that he has done thus far since awakening/being awakened is his fault, his choice. At the beginning of my story and in regards to the world as a whole, Fane believes he knows exactly how each person is (personality, motivations, ideals, etc.), even though he has no idea who he is.

Lesson they need to learn: 

That his existence is not a sin. That whoever or whatever he is doesn’t matter. He’s alive and he is loved, he is important. Labels do not need to define him.

What is the best thing in their life? 

Family (Solas, Mhairi, Cyfrin, Yune, etc.)

What is the worst thing in their life? 

That he had to betray family to support family. Fane will do whatever it takes to ensure Solas is never alone again and that his kin can be remembered for what they truly are, but in order to do that he has to make decisions, choices and those decisions carry a lot of pain and heart break. He’ll endure, however. He’ll always endure.

What do they most often look down on people for? 

Ignorance and faith. The faith aspect is mainly people wholly relying on that which they can’t see rather than the strength and independent thought that they possess. Fane despises those who use faith as a tool to manipulate or those who are willfully blind to the cries of the world and the suffering.

What makes his/her/their heart feel alive?

Primarily, Solas awakens the hidden or muted sides of Fane. Solas represents ‘the sky’ to him, and just a glimpses into the other’s eyes can make Fane feel as if he’s able to fly again. Having someone understand and know him for more than his rage and bluntness also makes Fane feel more alive when he’s used to feeling grey. 

What makes them feel loved, and who was the last person to make them feel that way? 

Intimacy of presence. Fane feels most loved when those he cares for is content to merely be around him, words or no words. Solas is the one that does this the most often, the two of them having had to use this level of communication in the past due to Fane being a dragon unable to talk or link up mentally with anyone other than spirits. However, Cole, Mhairi and Cyfrin also utilize this means of communication. Solas is merely the one that offers it the most. 

Top three things they value most in life? 

Devotion, Independent thought, and Support.

EXTERNAL LIFE:

Is there an object they can’t bear to part with and why? 

A crimson sash adorned with golden embroidery of halla and leafless trees. It was a gift from Mhairi, and it was given to Fane shortly after their father disappeared and the experiments upon his body ceased. Fane wears it either around his waist or as a scarf. He’s usually not one to accept gifts, family or not, but he kept this one because it offered a lot of comfort where it had been lacking for several years. Fane also adores his sister with all his heart, and to see that she chanced potential capture to gather the materials...how could he spit in the face of such love? He couldn’t, and that’s why he keeps it even Post-Trespasser. He rarely wears it as he used to during that time, but he keeps it safe and pulls it out when he’s alone to remember simpler days.

Describe a typical outfit for them from top to bottom.

Fane gravitates towards clothing that’s loose and practical. He refuses to wear any of the clothing that Josephine or Vivienne might choose for him. To start, Fane wraps his entire upper body in Elvhen wraps to cover the myriad of scars that litter his body. The wraps are usually dark brown, dark green, or black. Next, he opts for cotton tunics, short sleeved or long sleeves, but he’ll have tendency to roll them up to his elbow, and once again, they are either dark or neutral colors (black, grey, etc.). Plain trousers, somewhat form fitting, and most importantly; boots. Fane does not go barefoot unless he’s getting ready for bed or bathing. He also wears a small dagger that he keeps strapped to an upper thigh. Just in case. *winks*

What names or nicknames has they been called throughout their life?

Fae (generally by Cyfrin or Mhairi), ma’isenatha (’my dragon’ and is typically used by Solas), Blackened One (this is the translation of Fane’s ‘second’ name and is used both respectfully/derogatory), He Who Flew Above (used by the Elvhen agents in both Fane and Solas’ respective contingents), White One (Abelas generally refers to Fane as this once he drops the Inquisitor title, Wisdom also calls Fane this), vhenan or ma vhenan.

And last, but definitely not least, ‘Papae’ *whistles innocently* :3 

What is their method of manipulation?

Fane has draconic abilities that can warp emotions. In a way, he implements a form of psychological warfare, but he only uses it as a last resort whether the enemy is a piece of absolute trash or not. Fane has had his mind broken multiple times, died from it once even, and unless given no other choice, he will not break another like that.

Describe their daily routine. 

Fane wakes up at the crack of dawn. He doesn’t like to, but he usually has no control over it due to years upon years of waking up from nightmares and retching. If he manages to awaken without many issues, Fane strides right into his routine of training, with or without eating. Training helps quell his mind of lingering terrors, and establishes discipline to emotions that are volatile. Afterwards, Fane may eat on his own, but generally, Mhairi, Cyfrin or Solas have to acquire something for him and press him to eat. He always relents, even if he glowers and growls. Cole takes a more subtle approach and just leaves it where Fane can easily smell it, awakening the want. 

Mid-day Fane is usually doing his rounds, checking on companions, maybe entertaining a conversation or request, or begrudgingly diving into Inquisition business. (paperwork, letters, etc.) If he’s having a rough day, headaches, mental exhaustion, or physical pain, then Fane is less likely to get much done and that’s because Solas will demand that he take it easy. In those cases, Fane will fight and protest and declare that he’s fine, but a single look that says, ‘Enough’, and he crumbles, taking the offering of a pillowed lap and potentially sleeping for at least half the afternoon. When he wakes up, Fane lingers in the rotunda and with attempt some form of work until evening.

That’s when Fane indulges in more personal pursuits. He whittles wood, reads and writes poetry, tinkers with one of his gauntlets or plating, and lets himself want. He’ll sometimes go to the tavern to see Varric or the Chargers, even if being around Bull makes him a tad uneasy. Or he’ll seek out his sister and see if she wishes to do something with him. Fane doesn’t ask, of course, but that’s because Mhairi bombards him the moment he appears and he accepts and agrees without fuss. Sometimes Fane will visit Leliana in the rookery and go over what she’s heard or what he’s hear, or he’ll spend time with Cole until Solas comes to see where he’s gone off to.

Their go-to cure for a bad day? 

Usually, training or just outright destroying something. Fane has issues controlling some of his emotions, rage most of all, and the only way to get that specific emotion out is to physically take it out. Solas and Mhairi have attempted to help Fane diffuse in different ways, but the only one that seems to work the best is for a dragon to rampage. Thankfully, Fane retreats from Skyhold if that he feels his mind blackening. Solas or Cole will follow and keep an eye on him from a distance, but Solas will intervene if he feels Fane is close to spiraling beyond anger. Then, the go-to is words, soft, but firm.

GOALS:

How are they dissatisfied with their life? 

Fane’s life Pre-Inquisition and within Inquisition is...rough. Life with the clan was torture for him, literally being called a mistake and monster due to how he acted and how he looked. No one understood why and neither did Fane beyond knowing his father’s abuse had...awoken something in him. That lack of understanding infuriated Fane, to the point where he chose to just...ignore it, turn his back. Add that to the burden placed upon his shoulders unwillingly, and once again being labeled as every manner of being except what would make him feel complete...yeah, Fane was highly dissatisfied with his life. It isn’t until he and Solas reconcile and vow to never be apart again that Fane starts to find purpose and the will to try in his life. That satisfaction only grows Pre-Trespasser once Fane uncovers a lot of answers concerning himself and his kin after going on a little field trip to a place that shall not be name while Solas attends to the Qunari.

What would bring them true happiness or contentment?

Simply put? Fane wants Solas to be able to rest. That would bring Fane so much joy, to see his sky finally throw down the mantle and rest. All he wants is for them both to be able to be together and not have the world demanding their lives on a silver platter every second of every hour.

What definitive step could they take to turn their dream into a reality? 

Support. That is one of Fane’s guiding principles when it comes to Solas and what the mage has deemed he has to do. Fane helps to keep Solas on the path, but he knows when to step in if the fog rolls in. Fane doesn’t see right or wrong; he sees paths, choices. He supports what Solas wishes to do because he understands why the man feels the way that he does. Fane is Devotion and Tenacity, and he will die again and again and again before leaving Solas to walk this dark path alone, without support. Because that, all on its own, can change a person’s mind.

How has their fear kept them from taking this action already? 

Fane is only fearful that his support could be causing Solas grief, making him upset due to the fact that the mage feels as if Fane should condemn him. However, Fane presses on and doesn’t let fear shackle him in this. Fear is potent in Fane, that’s the truth, but it all washes away when Solas requires him. Devotion is stronger than Fear, Tenacity grinds Terror into dust, and a dragon will always guard the sky it calls home. 

How do they feel they can accomplish their goal while still steering clear of the thing they are afraid of? 

So, Fane’s main fears are being forgotten and himself. The supporting aspect is to combat the being forgotten aspect, partially, but when in regards to himself... That’s a whole other story. Fane grapples with madness coutnless times in my story and the allure of power, something dragons cannot yearn for lest they cause irreversible harm to the world, and he is fearful that eventually...the clock will strike, the hourglass will run out and that he didn’t do enough. For Solas, for his kin, and for the world. Furthermore, Fane is terrified that that madness will eventually harm those he cares for, those he’s vowed to protect and support. So, Fane does whatever he can to keep his spirit from warping, to keep himself from breaking beyond what can be repaired, and having Yune and Solas, and seeing the progress of their endeavors helps keep Fane on the cliff he teeters on.

[thefinalcinderella]

Kaze ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru Chapter 9 - To Beyond (Part 1)

We’re finally here folks. After two years we’re finally at Hakone and boy is it long

Full list of translations here

Translation Notes

1. JR stands for Japan Railway and refers to the trains operated by the company

Previous | Next

January 2nd, 7:45 a.m.

The start of the Tokyo-Hakone Round-Trip College Ekiden Race was fifteen minutes away.

After the roll call twenty minutes before the start, Prince tried to go down the subway’s pathway again. Earlier in the morning, he had been able to run on the sidewalks above ground to loosen up, but now that was impossible—there was a large crowd of people in front of the Yomiuri Shimbun’s Tokyo headquarters in Otemachi, waiting to watch the start of the Hakone Ekiden.

From the Yomiuri Shimbun’s headquarters to the Wadakura Gate along the inner moat of the Imperial Palace, the sidewalks were lined with walls of people which consisted of cheering squads from each school, staff, and Ekiden fans who were celebrating the New Year with cheerful faces. The echoing sound of drums and the school songs of each school. The colorful flags and banners in the cold wind that eddied around the buildings. The rising noise and excitement.

“Where are you going?” Kiyose, who was accompanying Prince, stopped him. “Your body’s already warmed up. What will you do if you get tired before the race starts?”

“I know, but I feel sort of uneasy when I’m not running.” Prince paced on the spot. “I didn’t think there would be so many people here.”

Kiyose never thought the day would come when he would hear the phrase “I feel uneasy when I’m not running” come out of Prince's mouth. He smiled reassuringly.

“You’ve had plenty of practice. You’ll be fine. Did you go to the bathroom?”

“Many times,” The Yomiuri Shimbun’s staff entrance was open for athletes and officials to use the restroom and change clothes in the waiting room. “It’s always crowded with the runners running in the first leg.”

“You’re not the only one who’s nervous. Don’t worry.”

He couldn't let his body be chilled by the wind. Kiyose took Prince to the back of the newspaper building. There were not many people there, and Kiyose and Prince ran lightly side by side.

The final entries, announced at 7 a.m., were posted on the wall of the building.

“Rikudou didn’t assign Fujioka-san to the second leg.”

Prince tilted his head curiously. Rikudou had put Fujioka as an alternate for the leg entry. Fujioka was the captain of his team and the best runner in Rikudou, but he hadn’t heard any rumors about him getting injured, so he wondered if he wasn’t feeling well. Each school had been paying attention, but Fujioka still wasn't announced in the final entries for the outward journey that morning.

“They probably plan on putting him in the ninth or tenth leg,” Kiyose said.

It seemed that Rikudou was trying to assess the situation carefully; it was thought that if anybody could stop them from winning again this time, it would be Bousou University. In the leg entries, Bousou had made it clear that they were taking the fight to the outward journey.

If Rikudou were to only face the elites of Bousou, the outward journey would be quite a tough battle, even for Rikudou. Perhaps the plan was to hand over the victory for the outward journey to Bousou and take the return trip and the overall victory, which was determined by the total time of the round trip. There was no doubt that Rikudou was trying to decide which leg of the return trip to put Fujioka in depending on their ranking when they reached Lake Ashi and the time difference with Bousou.

“But don’t think about Rikudou right now.” Kiyose lightly pushed Prince’s shoulder. “It’s almost time to go back to the starting point. Do you remember what I told you?”

“Yeah.” Prince nodded vigorously and took off the thick bench coat that reached his knees. The gathered spectators made way for Prince then, who was wearing Kansei’s black and silver uniform.

The cold didn’t bother him anymore. As the first runner, Prince had a sash hanging from his left shoulder—it was black with the words “Kansei University” embroidered in silver thread. The plasterer’s wife had been steadily working on it since they passed the qualifiers.

Prince gently touched the precious sash. It would connect the ten of them and return to this place tomorrow. He definitely wouldn’t let the sash be interrupted midway.

Kiyose adjusted the length of the sash and tucked the extra parts into the waistband of Prince’s shorts so that it wouldn’t get in his way when he was running.

“Prince, sorry for making you go along with us until now,” Kiyose said.

The music being played by the cheering sections grew louder. “Athletes to the starting line!” A staff member called out.

“Haiji-san, I don’t want to hear those kinds of words,” Prince laughed. “Wait for me at Tsurumi.”

Prince entrusted his coat to Kiyose and stood at the starting line along with the nineteen other people running the first leg.

It was 8 a.m. in Otemachi, Tokyo. Clear skies. 1.3 degrees Celsius. 88 percent humidity. Wind from the northwest at 1.1 meters.

For a moment, the area was completely silent, and then the starting gun sounded.

Prince started to run. There was no need to look back. Because Kansei University’s first Hakone Ekiden was only created by advancing down this road.

---

As Kiyose had predicted, the race unfolded at a leisurely pace. With Tokyo Station on the left hand side, they passed Wadakura Gate. The cheers of the spectators and the wind around the buildings tore away at their backs. As the group spread out horizontally, they moved forward along the damp road at a pace of 3 minutes and 7 seconds per kilometer. Even Prince could keep up with this.

Perhaps it was because of the wide road, but it didn’t seem like they were making much progress no matter how much they ran. Around him, he could sense people checking and restraining each other, wondering who would be the first to break out.

“Keep going slowly,” Prince recited in his mind.

The wind blowing through the gap in the buildings made the temperature feel cooler than it was. Remembering Kiyose’s advice, Prince got behind a slightly larger runner from Teitou University; it would be bad for Prince, who had a speed disadvantage, if he had to use his extra strength to secure a place. Having secured a good spot to guard against the wind, Prince concentrated on keeping up with the group.

The pace remained almost the same even after they entered the Daichi Keihin highway from the intersection at Shiba 5-chome. They passed the five kilometer mark at 15 minutes and 30 seconds.

The coaches from each school were following the runners in their coach cars. The coaches were allowed to talk to their runners over a speaker connected to a microphone at the beginning of the race, during the last kilometer, and every five kilometers. However, no coach gave instructions before the five kilometer mark; there was so much tension in the group that it was impossible to speak out carelessly.

Rikudou and Bousou were battling for the lead, but every time they tried to put on a spurt, they repeatedly got swallowed up by the group. The first leg was 21.3 kilometers long and it was only the start of the Hakone Ekiden. If you failed in putting on a spurt and got worn out here, it would trouble the runners in the following legs, and the mentality of not being able to take the plunge was swirling through the group.

Forgetting about the presence of the lead car and the TV cameras, Prince moved forward desperately, but with a composed expression on his face.

At the same time, Kiyose had just transferred to the Keihin Express after having arrived in Shinagawa from Tokyo Station on the JR line. (1) Holding Prince’s bench coat, he put the radio earphones in his ears. Picking up the sound from the TV and learning that the group hadn’t broken up yet, Kiyose let out a small shout of “Yes!” He drew attention from the passengers around him, but he couldn’t care less.

The TV announcer and commentator spoke as though they were bewildered by the slow pace.

“There has been no change in the race at all.”

“I think the stronger runners can be more aggressive and go for the record.”

“You don’t have to say unnecessary things,” Kiyose snapped without thinking. The slow pace is fine. Nobody make any moves. Run as a group for as long as you can.

His phone rang. He looked at the display and saw that it was the landlord in the coach car. Kiyose hurriedly pressed the button, wondering if Prince had begun to drop out.

“I don’t know what to do, Haiji,” the landlord said easily.

“What’s wrong?”

“They’ll be at ten kilometers soon. Should I shout something at Prince?”

“Does it look like he’s having trouble?”

Kiyose gripped his phone.

“No? He just passed Yatsuyama Bridge, but he’s holding on well. The group is still staying in a horizontal line.”

“Then you don’t have to say anything.”

The Yatsuyama Bridge was just before the eight-kilometer mark. There were gentle ups and downs as they crossed the railroad tracks on an elevated level. If they were still in a horizontal line after that, they should be able to stay like that until they reached Rokugo Bridge, the most difficult point in the first leg. Endure it, Prince. Kiyose called out in his mind.

“But what kind of coach would I be if I just sat in the car and stayed silent?” The landlord seemed bored. “It’s like I’m just driving to Hakone.”

“All you have to do is to be at the ready. If Prince is having a hard time, encourage him.”

“How? I can’t sing the school song, I’m tone deaf.”

“No coach would encourage their runners with the school song nowadays,” Kiyose sighed. “In that case, I want you to give him a message from me: ‘I have something I want to tell you. So come to Tsurumi even if you have to crawl.’”

Prince heard that message at the fifteen-kilometer mark. The landlord in the coach car, with a microphone in his hand, shouted that at him in a hoarse voice.

What do you want to tell me? Let me hear it.

His breathing was becoming more and more labored, but Prince felt inspired again. He had also been successful in receiving water, at which point he was informed by a member of the short-distance track and field team that “this kilometer was exactly three minutes.” The pace was speeding up. As expected, victory would be decided at Rokugo Bridge, which was the 17.8-kilometer mark.

After twelve kilometers, there had been a situation where the race seemed likely to move—the runner from Eurasia University had made a move and the group had stretched out vertically. However, Rikudou and Bousou had quickly followed, and the others had chased after them like they were being dragged along. Ultimately, no one dropped out of the group.

In this situation, the Rokugo Bridge would decide everything. Prince could tell that everyone tacitly understood that.

Rokugo Bridge was a large bridge over the Tama River, and it was 446.2 meters long. There was an uphill climb to reach the bridge and a downhill climb to get off the bridge. The ups and downs were physically demanding after running nearly twenty kilometers.

When he finally started to climb the slope of the Rokugo Bridge, Prince's legs suddenly became heavy; he couldn’t believe how steep the slope felt. Prince gasped and swung his arms to try to move his body forward.

At that moment, there was a change in the rhythm of the group. The breathing of the strongest runners suddenly became quiet, and right at the moment Prince realized “it's coming,” the Yokohama University runner put on a spurt. Bousou and Rikudou followed suit.

The group quickly broke apart and stretched out vertically. What stamina these guys have! Prince couldn’t do anything but stare in amazement at the growing distance between him and the rest of the group. He wanted to keep up with them, but it was impossible; as they descended Rokugo Bridge, the top group was getting faster and faster.

“Don’t rush. If you can keep up with them until Rokugo Bridge, there won’t be much of a time difference. Besides that, just think about running at your own pace.”

Kiyose’s instructions before the start of the race came back to mind.

That’s right, I just started doing track. No matter what kind of spurts other people do, I can only run with all my might.

He was already about a hundred meters away from the head of the group, but Prince didn’t give up—didn’t get pessimistic—and ran patiently.

Just started, huh? So, am I going to continue doing track? Even though I’m in so much pain because I got dragged into it.

Prince opened his mouth for oxygen and a small laugh slipped through as he exhaled.

The gentle and warm morning sun shone down on him from the front.

---

At the Tsurumi relay station, Kakeru and Musa were huddled together, looking at the screen of a portable TV—an electronics store in the shopping district had lent it to them for free.

“Oh, Prince-san has been outstripped,” Musa said sadly, staring at the TV in Kakeru’s hand like he wanted to see Prince disappearing from the screen for as long as he could.

“But there shouldn't be much time difference from the top runners.” With Prince’s heroic figure properly burned into his eyes, Kakeru looked up. “Musa-san, let’s catch up in the second leg.”

“Yes. I will do my best.”

It was about time for the first leg runners to arrive at the Tsurumi relay station. Musa took off his woolen hat and scarf. The temperature was 3.3 degrees Celsius. There was almost no wind, and it was clear, but it was still bitterly cold for Musa. He had consulted with Kakeru and decided to wear arm covers that would cover everything from his wrist to his elbow; this way, if it got too hot, he could take them off and just wear his running uniform.

“Did you drink enough water? Even if you think it’s cold, you don’t want to get dehydrated while you’re running.”

“If I drink any more water, I would have to urinate standing up while I run.”

Musa laughed. This was the first time he had used words like “urinate standing up.” “It doesn’t suit you,” Kakeru also laughed.

The voices of the announcer and commentator came from the portable TV Kakeru was holding.

“In the second leg, each school is fielding their ace or ace-level runner. Eleven out of the twenty runners can run ten-thousand meters in twenty-eight minutes. Four international students are also making their appearance here.”

“Manas from Bousou University, Iwanki from Koufu Gakuin University, Jomo from Saikyou University, and Musa from Kansei University.”

When his name was spoken, Musa and Kakeru looked at the TV. They saw themselves on the screen. They looked around in surprise and saw a TV crew approaching them from behind. Musa smiled awkwardly at the TV camera.

“Kansei’s Musa is a bit unique: he is a government-sponsored engineering student and it seems that until last year, he had no experience in track and field. Kansei is taking on Hakone with only ten runners, but most of them have no experience with track.”

“I can’t believe they were able to make it this far. It’s quite a feat.”

The screen cut to the studio, where the commentator was nodding in agreement. “They must have put a lot of effort into their training.”

“The Kansei team is rich with individuality. I am looking forward to seeing how they will perform in their first ever Hakone.”

The screen cut to a commercial and the TV crew left. Oh no, Musa seems to be getting nervous again now that he got introduced on TV, Kakeru thought.

Kakeru’s phone rang. It was from Shindou, who was at the Odawara relay station to run the fifth leg. As soon as he pressed the answer button, Kakeru passed the phone to Musa.

“Musa, you were on TV!” Shindou said. He sounded very muffled.

“How is your cold?” Musa asked worriedly, and Kakeru also leaned in to listen. Shindou had gotten a fever on New Year’s Eve and still hadn't been feeling well that morning.

“I’m fine. Are you okay, Musa? You’re probably nervous right now.”

“Yes, a little bit,” Musa answered. Could Shindou see what was going on at the Tsurumi relay station? Kakeru was stunned at the depth of the bond between Musa and Shindou.

“Hey, Musa. Think about something fun,” Shindou said in a nasal voice. “Once this is over, it’s finally New Year’s for us. I’m thinking of going home to my parents’ house during winter break. Do you want to come with me, Musa?”

“Is that okay? You’ll be spending time with your family, won’t you?”

“My parents are waiting for you to come and visit. We live in the boonies where there’s nothing, so there’s nothing to do there except building snowmen.”

 “What is a ‘snowman’?”

“That’s right, you've never made one. Then, it’s settled. Let’s go back to my home together.”

“Yes,” Musa nodded. “Thank you very much, Shindou-san.”

After hanging up, Musa’s eyes showed no more hesitation or fear. The cheering along the road grew even louder—they could probably see the runners now. Kakeru and Musa approached the road.

Kiyose came running from Keikyu Tsurumi-Ichiba Station carrying a bench coat. He saw Kakeru and Musa and exhaled loudly, saying, “I made it in time?”

“Musa, how are you feeling?”

“I am feeling good,” Musa assured them strongly. Kiyose checked his expression and his shoelaces, and made sure there was nothing out of place.

“Good. Prince will probably come here in last place. But don’t get shaken by that and just run as usual.”

“If we are in last place, then I will feel better, because we cannot get any worse than that,” Musa joked. “Besides, I am more comfortable chasing than being chased.”

“That’s the spirit,” Kakeru said, accepting Musa’s bench coat.

The Rikudou runner arrived at the Tsurumi relay station in the lead. The relay station was set up in front of a police box along Route 1—it was a nondescript tree-lined street, and since it was straight and level, one could clearly see the runners arriving one after the other.

The staff member who received the message hurriedly called out the school names. The runners of the first leg came in that order, so runners of the second leg went to the relay line to wait for their teammates.

Rikudou’s sash was relayed from the first-leg to the second-leg runner. His time was one hour four minutes and thirty-six seconds from the start at Otemachi. After him came Yokohama, Bousou, and Eurasia, handing over their sashes in that order with almost no time difference. It was a very close race, as the runners had been clustered together until the end.

Musa bent down. Kakeru leaned out into the road. One after another, the runners of the first leg came and handed over their sashes, and the runners of the second leg ran out of the Tsurumi relay station. There was still no sign of Prince. It was thirty seconds since Rikudou had passed.

“It’s Prince-san!”

In the shadow of the competition cars, they saw Prince, running with his teeth clenched. The staff member was calling out the names of the schools that were still at the relay station at the same time. “I am going,” Musa said. He stepped out onto the road and stood on the relay line.

Musa turned towards Prince and raised his hand. Prince was running desperately while swinging his arms, but when he noticed Musa’s figure, as though remembering, he removed his sash from his shoulder. The elastic waistband of his shorts snapped lightly against his side as though to scold him.

Just a little more, just a little more.

“Prince-san! Prince-san!”

Musa and Kakeru were shouting. Kiyose was standing next to Kakeru, waiting patiently for Prince to arrive.

After crossing the relay line, Prince put the sash he had been gripping in Musa’s hand as Musa began to run. The sash connected the two of them for a moment, and then it quickly slipped through Prince’s fingertips.

My heart hurts. I can’t even keep my eyes open. I wonder if this wild breathing belongs to me?

Prince stopped and pitched forward, almost falling, but then realized he was caught in someone’s arms.

“I take back what I said to you at Otemachi,” Kiyose’s voice was right next to him. “I wanted to say this to you: Thank you for coming all the way here with us.”

“You passed,” Prince muttered.

Kakeru and Kiyose took the Keihin Express to Yokohama and then the JR to Odawara. Since they were short of hands, they planned to go on ahead to Lake Ashi and meet with Shindou, who was running the fifth leg.

They were worried about leaving the exhausted Prince at the Tsurumi relay station, but Prince told them this:

“You two, just leave me behind and go to Hakone. I already finished running. When I can walk again, I’ll go to the hotel on my own.”

Prince had the role of keeping track of the race on TV in a hotel near Yokohama Station. Kiyose and Kakeru were also planning on returning from Hakone that night and staying in the same hotel to prepare for tomorrow’s race.

After rehydrating, Prince managed to get up, so Kakeru and Kiyose left the Tsurumi relay station.

The bench coat Kiyose had brought from Otemachi was once again being worn by Prince. Now, Kakeru was carrying Musa’s bench coat. Shindou would be wearing it after his climb. If they just barely had enough manpower, they also just barely had enough clothing.

On the second day of January, the seats on the Tokaido Line were almost all filled with people running after the Hakone Ekiden and families who seemed to be going for the first shrine visit of the New Year. Kakeru spotted an empty box seat and sat Kiyose in it. Kiyose took out a notepad and ballpoint pen from the pocket of his bench coat.

“Prince’s time?”

“One hour five minutes and thirty-seven seconds,” Kakeru answered after checking with the stopwatch function on his watch. Kiyose wrote down the data on the notepad.

“The time difference with Doujidou University, which was right in front of us, is eleven seconds. The difference with Rikudou, which is in the top position, is one minute and one second. We still have plenty of chances. Prince fought bravely.”

Kansei’s sash was handed over from Prince to Musa at the Tsurumi relay station, and they were in twentieth place out of the twenty teams competing. The Kanto Athletic Union’s selected team, which was made up of runners who had participated in the qualifiers, would use the individual times of each runner as an official record, but wouldn’t enter the rankings as a team. Therefore, Kansei was ranked nineteenth, but when they finished running the first leg, they were still unmistakably in last place in both name and reality.

But Kiyose was right: it was a time difference that could be overturned. The slow-paced development was a blessing for Prince and Kansei. The race had only just begun.

Kakeru was carrying the portable TV, but reception in the train was bad. “Try this one,” Kiyose told him, and gave him the radio. Right when he was twisting the knobs to try to get sound, Kiyose’s phone got a message. It was from King in the Totsuka relay station, who was with Jouta, the one running the third leg.

“Haiji, we’ve got a big problem! Look at the TV!”

“I can’t,” Kiyose said.

Previous | Next

[anxiousstark]

S2 02 | Shape Shifted

BIG MASTERLIST | TW REWRITE

Stiles Stilinski x Reader! Half-sibling!Mccall Word count: 2736 Warnings: Mentions of dead bodies, injuries, blood, angst, swearing (always). A/N: I’m not really proud of this chapter. It is fast and not too long. At first, I thought about skipping it, but I totally needed it to be able to introduce Isaac Lahey. Furthermore, the black backpack it’s truly important for Y/N’s past with her mother, and for her relationship with Scott!

↪ PLEASE RESPECT MY WORK. DON’T COPY, TRANSLATE OR CLAIM THEM AS YOURS. NOT ON THIS WEBSITE OR ANOTHER. ALL RIGHTS ARE RESERVED.

"Scott told me you weren't coming today." Allison stared at me, concerned.

"What's the point of staying at home?" I chuckled. I didn't remember anything about last night. I had this uneasy feeling, but I couldn't recall anything. I remembered running after Lydia when she escaped from the hospital's window, and the next thing I was lying down on my bed after being found in the woods. "Melissa will kill me when she finds out I'm not home." I laughed.

"Oh, she will kill you." My half-brother's girlfriend smiled, clutching her books against her chest. "Stiles told me that you guys are better than ever." She blushed, nodding. "I hope you guys stay like that. Scott glares at me less when you guys are together." I smirked. It was true. Scott seemed to be calmer when he was in good terms with Allison.

"I need to go grab some books from my locker." She kissed Lydia's cheek, who had been quiet most of the time. "See you guys later." She side-hugged me.

"They called it a fugue state, which is basically a way of saying ‘We have no idea why you can't remember running through the woods naked," Lydia said while I opened the door for her. "But personally, I don't care. I lost nine pounds." She giggled.

"We were out there for almost an entire day," I answered back. "Isn't it crazy that we don't remember anything that happened during the time we were wandering around?"

"As I said before," She retouched her lipstick. "I lost nine pounds." I saw Jackson a couple of meters away from us, Lydia was walking directly to him. But his eyes were fixed on me while he smirked. 

"Do your ears and nose bleed a lot?" 

Fuck you, Jackson.

I walked to the bleachers, sitting down behind Scott and Stiles. Again, I was surprised that Scott was a werewolf because he hadn't noticed me as he was too busy talking to his friend. I got closer to them. "Boo." Both boys jumped, terrified. Their screams were so high pitched that half of the lacrosse team were staring at us. They both turned around to look at me. "Oh god, that was so fucking fu-"

Two arms wrapped around me, Stiles. Now, I was almost sitting on his lap, arms wrapped tightly around my waist, his face hiding on my neck. At first, I didn't know how to react, but I ended up wrapping my arms around him too. My right hand rubbed his back while the other rested on the back of his neck, pulling him closer to me, which seemed almost impossible. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

"For what?"

He sighed, his warm breath caressing the side of my neck, making me shiver. "I'm sorry for leaving you at the dance just to go with Lydia." His voice cracked.

"Stiles, we talked about this." I rubbed his back in circles. "It was your opportunity to get close to Lydia." Forming those words made my heart throb, but I continued. "You don't have to apologize for something your heart was telling you to do."

"My heart was confused." He whispered. "And because of that, you got hurt."

"It wasn't your fault." My fingers caressed his buzz-cut hair. "You didn't hit me, Chris Argent did."

"He could have killed you if he wanted. He didn't do it because you are of value. Because you are something that interests him." He clenched his jaw. "He could have killed you if he wanted to." Stiles paused. "And I never thanked you for saving me from Peter Hale back at the hospital."

"Anyone would have done that for you, Stilisnki."

We heard someone cough, and we decided it was time to part ways. Even though I didn't want to. Stupid Scott.

You know when you shower and wear clean clothes. You get inside your bed with fresh sheets. The smell and freshness embrace you, and you feel safe. That's exactly what I felt in Stiles's arms.

"Uhm. So what about the plan?" Stiles stopped looking deeply into my eyes to glance at Scott, who had interrupted us.

"What plan?" I curiously asked, sitting next to Stiles.

"There seems to be another wolf in the lacrosse team." The Hazel-eyed boy explained to me. "I told coach you're switching with Danny for the day."

"But I hate playing goal."

"Remember when I said I had an idea? This is the idea."

"Oh." He didn't understand. "What's the idea?"

"I seriously don't understand how you survive without me sometimes." He shook his head. "McCall's will always need me."

Coach called the entire lacrosse team. Stiles was the first one to go back to the field while Scott stopped to look at me. "Uhm, I hope you feel better."

"Did Melissa tell you to say that?" I jokingly asked.

"Actually, yes." He grinned when he saw how my face went back to a serious one. "I'm kidding. I really hope you feel better."

I nodded, smiling. "Thank you." I looked at him directly on the eyes. "And thank you for finding me."

"It wasn't me." He pointed at Stiles when he saw my confused expression. "It was him." Then he sighed. "And please, I can smell you guys."

"Smell what? I got showered so you can't joke about me smelling or something because I promise you I will kill you."

"No," He chuckled. "I smell Stiles." He paused. "And you, you know."

"No, I don't." He groaned, going back to the field, murmuring something about it 'not being his job'.

It seems like Stiles's plan was for Scott to throw every lacrosse player to the ground, smelling them to make sure that they were not a werewolf.

I was confused when in the distance, I saw Sheriff Stilisnki marching towards the field.

The match had been stopped by the police. "His father's dead. They think he was murdered."

"Are they saying he's a suspect?" Noah Stilisnki softly grasped Isaac's arm, letting him know that he had to go with them to the station. He was a major suspect. "Because they can lock him in a holding cell for 24 hours." Scott was still trying to understand what Stiles was trying to say. "During the full moon."

"How good are these holding cells at holding people?"

"People, good. Werewolves, probably not that good."

Isaac followed the sheriff's orders, but before completely disappearing from our sight, he turned around, looking at the other werewolf boy. "Stiles, remember when I said I don't have the urge to maim and kill?"

Stiles nodded.

"He does." I interrupted Scott. I could also feel it. I could feel the rage. He was going to explode.

After what happened in the field, we had to go to class with Mr. Harris. I didn't fancy that man, he made me feel quite uncomfortable, and his subject was monotonous.

"Why would Derek choose Isaac?" I heard Scott whisper. Both boys were sitting in front of me while I was sitting behind them, in front of Danny boy.

"Peter told me that if the bite doesn't turn you it could kill you. And maybe teenagers have a better chance of surviving."

"Doesn't being a teenager mean your dad can't hold him?"

"Well, not unless they have solid evidence. Or a witness. Wait." Stiles turned around, he offered me a little smile, making my heart beat like crazy. "Danny. Where's Jackson?"

"In the principal's office talking to your dad." My interest peaked when I heard what he had said.

"What? Why?"

"Maybe because he lives across the street from Isaac."

The hazel-eyed boy who only liked to get into trouble glanced at Scott and me. "We gotta get to the principal's office."

"How?"

I saw Stiles ripping a blank page from his notebook, shaping a not-so-round ball with it. "Everyone please turn to page 73." Mr. Harris was writing on the blackboard when the paper ball hit the back of his head. "Who in the hell did that?" Both troublemakers pointed at each other. Oh god.

Gosh, Mr. Stilisnki was right. I would only be into trouble if I went along with Scott and Stiles. But I couldn't let these two fools get themselves killed. I quickly made a paper ball, throwing it at Mr. Harris, hitting him directly on the nose. Classmates started snickering while Scott and Stiles glanced at me perplexed, but with grins on their faces. "Damn guys, I thought you said we were throwing them at the count of three." I winked at them.

However, Mr. Harris didn't seem to find it hilarious as he sent the three of us to detention. We were sitting outside when Stiles's dad came out. He hid his face behind my back, in hopes that his father wouldn't see him. Stiles under pressure was as dumb as Scott in his daily life.

"Scott." Sheriff Stilisnki greeted him. Then, he looked at his son, letting a sigh of defeat leave his mouth. "Y/N," He also greeted me. "How is that wound?"

"What wound?" I smiled, letting him know that I was feeling just fine.

He grinned back. "Good. I'm happy for you." He crossed his arms, telling his coworkers to go ahead. "I suppose you three are here to go into detention." I bit my lower lip while Scott nodded. Stiles still hiding his face behind my back. "Well, Y/N, you aren't going."

I gazed at him, utterly confused.

Stiles finally decided to stop using me as a shield. "Oh, wow-Dad! What a surprise!" Mr. Stilisnki, Scott, and I rolled our eyes. Sometimes, Stiles could be a complete fool. "Why isn't she going?"

I swallowed. I could feel both boys gazing at me.

"It isn't an interrogation, don't worry." Noah intervened. "But we need you to come back to the station. It is quite important, Y/N." I couldn't help but glance at Stiles, my anxiety going up as seconds when by. Why did they need me at the police station?

Stiles smiled at me, but I could see that he was as nervous and bewildered as me. "You are lucky," He punched me lightly on the arm. "You skip this stupid long detention." He moved a strand of hair away from my face. "And you are going to be with the coolest Sheriff of the city." He winked at his dad.

"We will still talk about this at home, Stiles." He smirked. "Come get her at the station when you finish whatever you did."

The hazel-eyed boy pouted, conducting his gaze to me. "Seems like it's going to be a long day for both of us." He muttered.

"Do you want anything to drink or eat?" Noah Stilinski took a seat in front of me. We were separated by a metal table. I shook my head while placing my hands on top of the cold surface. "I know you must be nervous about me taking you here without giving you any hint."

"And I'm in the interrogation room, so I'm even more nervous." I chuckled. "Please, go directly to the reason that made me be here."

"Do you remember Sheriff Posey? Back where you used to live?" He slid a picture of said Sheriff so I could see at him.

I nodded my head. I didn't remember much of him, but he saved my life a couple of times and did his best to snap Alice back to real life. Of course, it didn't work. "He was the one who 'took care' of Ali- my mom's situation."

Noah nodded. "He is gonna retire due to some health inconveniences."

"I hope he is okay," I sincerely expressed my feelings. "But what does that have to do with me?"

Sheriff Stilinski sighed, pulling something that was under the table, letting it fall on top of it. A black backpack. "Do you recognize this bag?" I shook my head. "Sherrif Posey had it for a long time, he wanted to wait until you were older." His eyes searched deep in mines. "This is the bag your mother took to jail. It was given to Sheriff Posey when-"

"When she killed herself." I finished for him. No tears. But my hands were full of sweat.

"Inside the bag, there are items she took to jail, and the ones they let her keep." He sighed. "Of course, those who work in jails must be strict about what inmates can keep. There won't be much, maybe a couple of pictures, something that reminded her of the outside world. Sheriff Posey thought you should be the one deciding what to do with all of this."

He slid the bag towards me. "I don't want it." I was surprised. My voice didn't creak. "You can throw it away."

He sorrowfully smiled. "I had a feeling you would say that." He coughed a little. "I've been following your case since my friend Posey told me about you. I know how much you went through, from an outsider point of view." I nodded, he was the first person who talked to me that way. It was nice, and it made me think of Stiles. "I'm still gonna give you this bag. Do whatever you want with it." I glanced at the bag, nodding. "You can take your time with it. It isn't a decision you must take right away."

My eyes glistened while I peered at him. "They re-opened the case, right?" My voice came out in a whisper. "Her family re-opened the case, right?"

Noah nodded. "It wasn't your fault, okay? They are a heart-broken family. What they went through...nobody should have to experience that. But it wasn't your fault, and the judge gave you the reason." He grabbed my hands, his thumbs caressing the back of my hands. "You have all of us now."

After the conversation with Mr. Stilinski, he made me wait in his office, telling me to feel comfortable while I waited for Stiles to come for me. I was sitting on a couch, my eyes examining the black bag that used to be the most precious thing that my mother ever had. Funny, right?

The door opened, and I was met with Stiles. He smiled when he saw me, and I did the same. "Finally!" I got up from the couch. "I'm so tired. I want to go home."

When I saw his nervous laugh I concluded that we weren't going home yet. "I need to grab the keys of every cell in the station. There's a dude dressed as an officer who wants to kill Lahey. Also, seems like Isaac was being abused by his father, Scott is in his old house, trying to investigate and Derek is flirting with the receptionist. Well, distracting her, you know."

"Okay, so where are the keys?"

Stiles walked to a little grey box that was on the wall, introducing a code. But when it opened, it was empty. "Fuck, someone already got to them." Stiles ran out of the office without waiting for me.

"Yo, wait." I grabbed the backpack, throwing it over my shoulder. When I heard the fire alarm, I started running. "Stiles! Stiles?"

In a couple of seconds, I was able to find him. His back was against the wall while he looked ahead. Isaac Lahey has escaped from his cell, and he was fighting with a man that was dressed as an officer. Isaac grabbed the head of the fraudulent officer, slamming him against the wall. Then, he turned around, looking at Stiles. He moved to get closer to him, stopping when I firmly hissed at him. Nails coming out, ice-blue eyes and scales decorating from my wrist to elbow. He felt threatened but still tried to attack me until Derek appeared.

"How did you do that?"

"I'm the Alpha."

Derek left, taking Isaaw with him before the other officers came to the room due to the alarm. Stiles rushed to me. "Are you okay?" I nodded. "You need to calm down. The scales are still out."

I glanced at my arms. "I don't know how to control it. It just happens." He nodded while talking his plaid off, helping me wear it. We were interrupted by coughs. Uh oh, Sheriff Stilinski and other officers were looking at us.

I peered at Stiles while he looked at the man laying on the floor. "Uh," He pointed to the man. "He did it."

.

.

TAGLIST: @og-baby-ob14 - @savemypostcards​ - @cas-loves-pizza​ - @used-avocado​ - @mvrylee​ - @bilesxbilinskixlahey​ - @honeydoll-stark​ - @arieltheworldisamess​ - @softpeteparker​ - @kit-kat-katie99​​ - @thatsuperherosidekick​ - @bexbetterxthanxwords​ - @big-galaxy-chaos​​ - @littlemiss-forgotten - @enchantedcruelsummer​ - @coldfreakeggsexpert​ - @merla123​ - @sammypotato67​​ - @weirdowithnobeardo​ - @maggiesblogsblog​ - @itskindyl​​ - @bobo-bush - @moongoddesskiana​​ - @multifandxm353​​ - @irwxnhugsx​​ - @xoprincessmel - @iclosetgeek​​ - @andreagf956 - @niawoods​​ - @anerroroccurrrrred​ - @perrytheplatypus11​ - @trustfundparker​ - @nmriia - @steve-harringtonnn​ - @trustfundparker​ - 

People in black means it doesn’t let me tag them.

[bobathirstaccount]

Hard to Find Someone Like You

Boba x fem!reader, slow burn to smut, some romance, fair amount of plot, Post-Mando 2 Boba

You are a merc serving under Fennec at Fett’s Palace. It’s business as usual until a certain helmet starts tilting in your direction...

Translations:

Keella - Twi’lek for darling

Mesh’la - Mando’a for beautiful

Ayy - Twi’lek name, means star

TW: unprotected sex

***

CHAPTER THREE


You blinked, paralyzed. Turns out he was giving you a choice. You thought about his fingers.

“Where?”

He nodded, indicating for you to get out of the booth.

”Come with me,” he walked off towards the exit. You conspicuously followed. You followed him through several corridors until you came to the entrance to his suites. A droid waited outside. It started to speak, but Fett put a hand up, silencing it. You followed him in.

As soon as the door closed, he turned around and grabbed you by the thoat, pushing you against the wall.

He roughly grabbed your ass and wrapped your legs around his hips. He ground into your already sensitive clit. You moaned and arched your back. He moved his hands to your breasts. Ayy’s comments about bouncy tits momentarily popped into your head. You were brought back to the present by Fett’s movement. He had grabbed your upper back and turned away from the wall, carrying you somewhere. You wrapped your legs more tightly around him, moaning and grinding softly as you did.

You were thrown roughly down onto something soft. You peered out into the relative dark. Fett was on top of you before you could register anything. You felt your pants being pulled down. You lifted your hips to assist, which was hardly necessary. Your boots, pants and underwear came off all at once. You shimmed out of your jacket and reached your hands up over your head, pulling off your shirt. Gloved hands ran over your bare chest, making you gasp and your nipples harden. One hand went to your nether regions, rubbing your wet folds. You lifted your hips, cooing softly. One finger entered you, then two. You bucked your hips roughly, wanting more. The other hand squeezed your tit, then both hands withdrew from your body. You propped yourself up on your elbows.

You could make out a silhouette moving, but that was it. Suddenly Fett’s helmet appeared directly over your face. He pet your pussy again, then experimentally replaced his hand with the head of his cock. You spread your legs widely, scared to speak. You didn’t want to change the mood. Fett entered you then, abruptly but gently. You moaned as he stretched you out, a delicious burn making you gasp. He started to fuck you at a moderate pace. You grabbed his shoulders and arched your back, grinding into his thrusts. Before you knew it he had you on the brink of orgasm again. You whined and spread your legs wider, anticipating.

“Should I let you cum, mesh’la?”

You moaned your plea to him. He laughed softly and brought a hand to your clit. Within a few seconds of him rubbing tight fast circles, you came hard, calling out into the dark. You arched your back as your peak rolled through you, pussy clutching at his cock. He moanded and praised you, “Good girl, mesh’la. Cumming for me like that.” He fucked you through your orgasm, then quickly withdrew. You felt him grab you by the neck and pull you up and forward. Before you knew it, he had slapped you in the face with his still hard cock.

“Are you going to thank me, mesh’la?” You took him in your mouth. He pushed in further, gagging you. You recovered and he let you set the pace. He lightly put his hand on the back of your head. You wanted to impress him and so gagged yourself as much as you could stand, taking as much of his length as you could. This seemed to work as he started to groan. His fingers tightened in your hair. He suddenly thrust forward into your mouth, stiffening. You felt his cum in your mouth. You swallowed and licked the head of his cock.

He grabbed your chin with his thumb and forefinger. “Good job, mesh’la,” he said breathlessly.

He dropped his hand and you heard him readjusting his clothing. You started to feel around for yours. You managed to find your top. He got off the bed, standing.

“You can stay here tonight,” you heard him say softly.

“Will you?”

”No.”

”Then what’s the point?” You reached around the bed, feeling for anything. You felt your pants and boots hit your body. You felt relief.

“Thank you,” you said into the darkness. But he had gone.

***

You’d slipped out of the bedroom and back to your ship after about 15 minutes of waiting. You didn’t particularly want to run into him in the light right now. You had to process what just happened. Your pussy ached and your legs felt like jelly, but you’d made it back alright.

You reflected on last night early morning at breakfast. You were at the employee café with Ayy, Numa, and a few other dancers. They were chattering about the male mercs and who they might let take them back to their ship. Ayy giggled and looked over to you. Suddenly she was more serious, “What’s wrong, keella? You look stuck in a thought.”

You shook your head, “Just thinking. Do you... never mind.”

Her eyes lit up, “Do I what?” She knew she was on to something juicy by the way you grit your teeth and averted your gaze right away. She pulled on your sleeve, “Girl, you have to girl talk with someone. And that someone is me. You have to tell me. That’s girl code.”

You leaned back, smirking at her insistence. Finally you said, “Later.”


She sighed and glared at you.

“Promise. Tonight. When we... are alone,” you ended softly so no one else would here you.

She understood then, and turned away from you to re-engage in the conversation at large.

***

True to your word, you had met up with Ayy later that night.

“Well? This is my break so we have 15 minutes for story time.” She put her elbows on the edge of the bar and leaned her chin on her hands.

You took a breath, “No one else, okay?”

She winked at you, “Naturally, love. You know that.” She kicked you lightly, affectionately. “You killed for me, remember?”

You took a sip of your drink, nodded, conceding her point, and then continued. “Do you know what... mesh’la means?” You whispered it as if it were a secret. She smiled at you. “It means beautiful. Who’s calling you that?”

You tried to process this new information. “Fett,” you said, almost absentmindedly. She stilled, staring at you. She knew you well enough to know you weren’t joking. Finally she said, “Oh, Maker.” You were suddenly nervous at her tone. “Keella,” she leaned forward and started to rub your back with her right hand. You felt both alarmed and soothed by this action.

“What?”

“Keella, you are really into it.”

You shook your head. “It was only one time. It was nothing... special,” you lied.

She scoffed, “One time is all it takes to have fucked Boba Fett.”

Someone saying it out loud made you even more uneasy. You swallowed and looked at your Spotchka. She continued to rub your back. You shrugged, “Well it’s done. Guess I just see what happens. Ride it out.”

She eyed you for a moment. “So... How was he really though?”

You slapped her arm, “No! Come on.”

“I always tell you about my conquests -“

”I don’t ask -“

“I don’t care you still listen, anyway look it’s girl code again. Spit it out.”

You were at a loss. She waited. And waited. Finally you said, “I mean I would do it again... he was...” Ayy leaned forward at your words. You cleared your throat, “It was good.” Your throat dried. She frowned, “Details! Did you suck his cock? How big was it? Did you cum?” You looked at her, aghast. She shook you, “Oh, grow up. You’re no ingenue.”

You frowned, “Okay, okay. I mean... He was big, like maybe the biggest I’ve had.. which isn’t a lot but.. still... and yeah I did suck it and,” you flushed, “I did cum.”

She smiled naughtily at you. “I always thought he’d be a good lay.”

You shushed her and she laughed, “Don’t worry my love. It’s girl code. My lips are sealed. Unless you want to talk more detail-“

You sighed and shoved her lightly. She laughed.

***

The next day you had a slight hang over. You’d been overwhelmed after your conversation with Ayy. What did he have in mind for you? Anything? Did Fennec know? Her actions had been a little suspicious. You couldn’t decide the truth of it. You laid in bed pondering it futilely, missing breakfast. You heard a buzz. Someone wanted entrance to your ship. You slid out of bed, somewhat a wreck. Throwing on a light robe over your naked body, you went to the view screen to see who it was: Ayy. You sighed and went to your cargo bay door, lowering it. She traipsed up it, a baggie in tow, “Breakfast of champions.” She shook the bag, tossing it to you. You caught it with your left hand and motioned with your right. “Come inside. I feel terrible.”

She nodded, walking past you, “You look thrashed. Come on, keella. Let me fix you up.”

You followed her inside, grateful. You forgot to close the ramp.

****

Ayy had made you wash your face with cold water, which had helped a surprising amount. You two were in Daesha’s cockpit, eating your breakfast. You were too sick to eat all of it. You lounged, your feet up on your ship’s controls. Ayy sat languidly in your copilot’s seat.

The hairs on the back of your neck stood up. You tried to jump up and ended up hitting your head on the ceiling. You cursed, then turned to see who it was that had made their way uninvited onto your ship. Your aggravated expression turned to one of submissive meekness.


Boba Fett stood before you. Ayy turned around slowly, having missed the memo, “Yesss who’s here-“ She stopped short when she saw who the intruder was.

“I came to speak with her,“ he appeared to reply to Ayy.

“Oh, uh, I can go..” Ayy began weakly, her eyes wide.

“Silence.” Fett turned to you. “I need you ready in 15 minutes. Be in the Slave 1 cockpit.”

He was already leaving when you said, “Yes, sir.”

Ayy looked to you, holding her breath. You put your head in your hands. “Oh, Maker. 15 minutes,” you lamented.


“He’s so terrifying, how the fuck did you relax enough to cum?” Ayy said breathlessly.

You glared at her, then considered. You hadn’t told her about the table and how you were already crazy for him by the time you made it that far. “Well, it was dark,” you said practically. Ayy laughed, “Holy kriff that was horrifying. But also I’m a little turned on now that I know for sure he fucks.” You sighed and tried to finish the rest of your breakfast.

“I mean we could have had a threesome right here.”

“Ayy!”

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers Lunatic Parade: Carla Tsukinami (Chapter 4)

Surprise! Dear @pjpammee​ & anonymous askers​, I have heard your requests about doing Carla’s route and I hope this makes you happy! (๑و•̀ω•́)و [Honestly, if anyone still has someone they want me to translate from Lunatic Parade in the future, please type an anon ask and I will definitely see it!]

Place: Bernstein castle — Inside

*alarm goes off*

Yui: —Nn!

(I woke up right on time… it must be naturally a good day since I‘ve got to work really hard today)

(At the worst possible time it‘s not only the very last day of the parade… it also seems to be the day Carla-san‘s petrification reaches its final stage)

Carla: —Did you wake up?

Yui: Kyaaa!?

Carla: Why are you being astonished? Did the both of us not go to bed together?

Yui: W-We did, you‘re right… but, um… you‘re being a little too close right now…

Carla: Hmph… I was simply getting a proper view over your sleeping face.

Yui: Eh!?

Carla: You slept while grinning broadly. Did you have some sort of nice dream while sleeping?

Yui: I smirked, you say… please don‘t do such a thing as observing each and everything I do while I‘m not aware of it… !

(This is so embarrassing… !)

Carla: I was merely waking up earlier than you, which is why I am not to blame for this, am I?

If we stay in bed together this way, even if you believe it is unpleasant, I will happen to catch a sight of your face either way.

It is absurd requesting for me not to observe you like this then.

Yui: W-Well then, this bed is now yours—

*Yui tries to escape*

Carla: I will not permit that. Nn…

Yui: Nn… but… otherwise—

Carla: I would never lose interest in examining your sleeping face. I want you to show it to me freely.

Yui: B-But… !!

*Yui pushes him away*

Carla: What? Do you want to go already?

Yui: We have to get that jewel back as soon as possible, in order to have Aji-san make the antidote since she can‘t make it without it.

Carla: Do not panic. You are being way too hasty at this hour.

Yui: Even if you say so…

I can‘t stay here carefreely and do nothing either way. Please, let's start moving as quickly as possible.

Carla: Haa… it cannot be helped. I will get dressed up then.

*Carla starts changing*

Yui: (Carla-san seems to be awfully leisurely about this situation… he almost behaves as if nothing ever happened…)

(He might be acting differently since he‘s having the abilities of the founder‘s king… but I, on the contrary, feel rather uneasy about this all…)

Carla: —Let us go.

Yui: Yes! 

Place: Demon World — Glimmer Main Street

Yui: Hm? Carla-san… isn‘t this a different route from usual? If I recall, the underground corridor isn‘t on that way—

Carla: You simply remain silent and follow me.

Yui: ...Uhh… but…

Carla: …..

Yui: (Aren‘t we heading towards the exact opposite direction of our destination… ? Carla-san, just what are you thinking?)

Place: Demon World — Saint nore park street

Yui: —Okay, and why did we come to this place?

Carla: There is only one possible thing you can do here.

Yui: Please wait for me! Carla-san… don‘t tell me your intentions were to come hither and then enjoy yourself?

Carla: I did intend on doing that.

Yui: ...Nn… don‘t you think it would be better to do so after you took the antidote?

Carla: I cannot. We have to do it now.

Yui: …..!?

(What on earth is your plan about… ?)

(I don‘t think this has anything to do with getting closer to obtaining the antidote either…)

Carla: Anyhow, you only have to follow my plan.

Yui: (Even if he says it like that… what is there to do?)

Choices

1) Obey him♡♡♡

2) Tell him to get the stone back first

— Obey him♡

Yui: (But I‘m pretty sure Carla-san must've thought of something like a plan before coming here though)

(I made up my mind, I‘ll believe in Carla-san being absolutely fine, doing whatever he came up with… I do believe him, so—)

Alright, understood.

Carla: Good to know.

*Carla comes closer*

Carla: —You merely have to continue following me.

Yui: Yes…

— Tell him to get the stone back first

Yui: Carla-san, this situation isn‘t only about enjoying yourself, you know? We need to seriously hurry up and get this jewel back.

Carla: ...Are you judging my opinion?

Yui: I, um…

Carla: I told you to simply follow me. Come!

*Carla grabs Yui*

Yui: Ouch… !

(I think I made him angry by saying something like this…)

Place: Saint Nore Park — Coffee cup

Carla: —What on earth is this?

Yui: ...U-Um, let‘s see… I think this is an attraction called “coffee cup”…

You use the handle in the middle to increase or decrease the speed of the cup you‘re riding in…

With this you‘re supposed to control it and therefore avoid hitting the other surrounding cups…

Carla: I see. This playground equipment is supposed to make you enjoy the speed.

Yui: Exactly.

*Carla gets closer*

Yui: Hm… Carla-san?

Carla: Get on.

Yui: Ehh!?

Carla: You shall join me.

Yui: P-Please wait a moment. Are you being serious?

Carla: ...Are you doubting me?

Yui: I-It‘s not like that…

(What am I supposed to say… to be honest, I didn‘t really think Carla-san would be interested in getting on that sort of thing…)

(Instead, I thought he‘d seem like a person who dislikes this kind of place…)

Carla: —Hey, come in quickly. It appears to start moving soon.

Yui: Y-Yes, I‘m coming!

(...I don‘t think there‘s anything helping us about this… I guess I have no other choice but to enjoy it for now)

— If you win: (+CG)♡

Yui: —Fufu… I really did a good job not bumping into something, don‘t you think?

Carla: Indeed. You were handling this quite skillful.

Yui: Thank you!

(I‘m really glad Carla-san praises me for even trivial things like that)

— If you lose:

Yui: Nn…

Carla: My, My… it appears as if you truly are not good at turning away from hitting the other objects.

Yui: Nn… I‘m sorry…

Carla: It is fine. You may have been able to enjoy yourself a little.

Yui: —Yes, I did…

(But I actually wanted to show him what I‘m really capable of…)

end Game

Carla: Hmph…

Yui: What‘s wrong?

Carla: I was wondering if I could make you feel relaxed with doing this.

Yui: Eh?

Carla: You may have not noticed it yourself, but you have been persistently showing a stiff face ever since you woke up.

Yui: I-I‘m sorry… I didn‘t even notice if I did show an unpleasant face...

Carla: Whatever. Anyway, I truly hope this has relaxed you for at least a little bit. Let us continue.

*Carla leaves*

Yui: Ah! Please wait for me!!

(Speaking of which, I don‘t know if I really feel better… but I now know Carla-san actually does care about this whole situation)

(I know it‘s way more difficult to enjoy yourself while being in a hurry though...)

Place: Underground corridor

Carla: —Is this truly the place the twins usually stay at?

Yui: Yes, at least Aji-san said so.

Carla: Let us continue then. These vampire twins, or even just a companion of them, should be discovered right away once we proceed searching.

Yui: I think so too. Let‘s go on.

*time passes*

Carla: Here…

Yui: What should we do now?

Carla: They might think I am here for an attack. Even if I am no threat, they might try to run away when seeing me.

Yui: In that case, I‘ll try my luck….

*Yui knocks on their house*

Yui: —Excuse me. Is anyone in there right now?

*Yui knocks again*

Yui: ...Nobody seems to be inside.

Carla: ...No, that is not it. Even if you cannot see it with your eyes, I will not be tricked by something as simple as that.

They are inside, but they pretend to be out.

Yui: ….. !

*Yui knocks again*

Yui: Please! If you‘re inside there, please come out! We have something important to talk about!

*Yui knocks again*

Yui: —Please, open up!

Nn… it‘s no use...

Carla: —It cannot be helped then.

*Carla charges magic*

Yui: Carla-san!?

Carla: If they show rough behaviour, so will I—

Yui: Whatever the circumstances, you can‘t do that! They're having children inside there after all! 

Carla: Even though they are children, is it not true that they were the ones silently stealing the gem, and now they are cowardly barricading themselves?

If so, they are splendid thieves indeed. But they will not be forgiven.

*Carla continues charging magic*

Yui: P-Please! Open up for us! Otherwise we have to—

Twin Children Vampire A: ….. !

Twin Children Vampire B: O-Our house… please don‘t break it… !

*Carla continues charging magic*

Carla: ...You two, show yourselves. You were the ones quietly stealing the melted stone from the shop, is that right?

Twin Children Vampire B: Eek… !

Twin Children Vampire A: I-I‘m scared...

Carla: You will not be forgiven, even if you cry.

Yui: Nn…

(These children are completely startled by his appearance… !) 

Carla-san, please calm down! I‘ll take over here—

Twin Children Vampire B: Uwuahhhhh!! We‘re sorry!!

Twin Children Vampire A: We‘re so sorry!!

Carla: Nn… !

Yui: Come on, there‘s no need to cry, right? Why don‘t you tell your big sis about everything in detail?

Twin Children Vampire B: Y-You won‘t get angry… and destroy our house if we do, right?

Carla: About that—

Yui: Carla-san!

Carla: Tch…

*Carla steps back*

Yui: Good. Your big sis won‘t get angry nor destroy your house if you try to explain yourself to her.

Did you take the stone with you because you‘re in some sort of difficult circumstances? Please let me know about that first.

Twin Children Vampire B: Err… what should we do?

Twin Children Vampire A: We have no other choice but to tell her...

Yui: So you do want to tell me about it?

Twin Children Vampire B: Yes. Please come with us.

Yui: Eh? Where are we going?

Twin Children Vampire A: It will be easier if you see it for yourself…

*they start walking*

Yui: (Where exactly are they planning on bringing us?)

Carla: —Good grief. That is exactly why children are not my favorites.

Place: Subterranean tunnel — Large door

Yui: ...Where‘s this place… ? There‘s only a huge door...

Twin Children Vampire A: Right behind this door is a direct way to the castle‘s basement. It barely opens up for anyone, and if it does, rarely any people are going through it.

Twin Children Vampire B: That‘s why… here...

Carla: ...Are you hiding something here?

Twin Children Vampire A: Yes… it‘s somebody called Gazby.

*dog barks*

Yui: A dog!?

Twin Children Vampire A: Gazby!

*dog barks again*

Twin Children Vampire B: Gazby is our dog.

Yui: ...Ah, so that‘s it. You two really have a cute doggie.

Twin Children Vampire A: Right? Gazby has been together with us ever since we were born.

Yui: I see. But we came here because we have to talk to you two about the stone, right?

Carla: —This dog, it has been bitten by the medusa snake as well.

Yui: Eh!?

Twin Children Vampire A: Nn… he‘s right. The first time I encountered the snake was when I played with Gazby in the forest… and that‘s also when he was bitten by it.

Gazby desperately needs help...

Yui: Ah, I understand. That means, Gazby‘s petrifaction has started spreading through his body too...

But why didn‘t you even try honestly telling Aji-san about it?

I‘m sure she would‘ve made the medicine, by melting the stone, as soon as possible if you told her about it.

Twin Children Vampire A: —Because she would‘ve said that it‘s just a dog anyway.

Carla: What do you mean?

Twin Children Vampire B: Our papa and mama already told us that we should give up on it since he‘s just a dog.

They said even if we did manage to stop the petrifaction by using the gem, he would still die someday.

Yui: That is...

Carla: Then, why did you not use your abilities on Gazby in order to make his body become immortal in case the moment of departure arrives?

You should have known he might pass away sooner or later.

Twin Children Vampire A: ...Hmm.

Twin Children Vampire B: We didn‘t really think too much about that until now. It‘s true that dogs aren‘t normal animals in the demon world, so he‘ll surely die someday, but...

If we make Gazby‘s body unable to die anymore, it wouldn‘t feel as if it‘s really Gazby anymore.

Carla: …..

Yui: (Somehow, this is the same as I feel about that… this suddenly reminded me of a conversation I had with Carla-san…)

Twin Children Vampire A: We know that we have to part ways someday.

But that‘s exactly why we think it‘s ridiculous not to cure something, which clearly can be healed. 

Twin Children Vampire B: That‘s right… but both, dad and mom… no, all adults don‘t really understand us.

*dog whines painfully*

Twin Children Vampire A: We‘re begging you! Please give the medicine, made with the stone, to us!

Twin Children Vampire B: Please!

Twin Children Vampire A: I heard you‘re being referred to as a founder, a person who possesses the strongest magic among anyone else anyway, isn‘t that right… ?

Carla: …..

Yui: ...Nn…

(What should we do now… ? I really want to hand the medicine over to those children… but if we do that, Aji-san—)

*backflash*

Aji: Here, this is a list of all the missing ingredients. Bring me what you can get, and don‘t worry about it too much if you can‘t.

Carla: There are quite many missing.

Aji: Can‘t change that. However, this is the only way we can obtain the antidote little by little…

It is the only way to save you.

*backflash ends*

Yui: (—This is what she said…)

…..

Carla: —I understand. Take it.

Twin Children Vampire A: Eh!? R-Really!?

Twin Children Vampire B: I‘m so happy! Gazby!

*dog barks*

Yui: But, Carla-san—

Carla: It is okay.

Yui: Nn…

Carla: Believe in me.

Yui: (It‘s not like I‘m not believing in him. I know Carla-san is a really kindhearted person and all, but… I‘m still feeling uneasy about this situation…)

Carla: Hey, children. You have to hand over the gem first, otherwise the antidote will not be able to be finished. Aji has to be the one mixing the medicine together after all.

Twin Children Vampire A: Okay!

Carla: Good. Now, let us go.

Twin Children Vampire A: Yes!

Twin Children Vampire B: Yes!

Yui: Haa...

(I can‘t help myself but wonder about what might happen next. The most important thing we can do for now is to stop the petrifaction from spreading inside the dog…)

Place: Demon world — Reine • de • Aji store

Carla: We are back.

Aji: Nn! I was impatiently waiting for you! Where is the stone?

Carla: …..

Aji: My, My! Ngh, you guys really did manage to bring it back after all?

Twin Children Vampire A: I‘m sorry…

Twin Children Vampire B: I‘m sorry, too…

Aji: I‘ll do the preaching later. I have to mix the antidote first, now that I have this back. Wait here obediently until I‘m done!

*Aji leaves*

Yui: Okay…

Carla: ...Good. After that — Hey, Yui.

Yui: Hm?

Carla: Follow me.

Yui: ….. ?

(Follow me, he said… where on earth are we supposed to go?)

Place: Glimmer Main Street — Zatan’s mouth

Yui: ...Carla-san, what exactly do you want to do here?

Carla: Just watch.

…..

Yui: (..... ? ...Carla-san, what are you doing… ?)

*Carla uses magic*

Carla: Ngh… !!

Yui: Nn… !

Carla: …..

*Carla uses magic*

Yui: Carla-san… I, um—

Carla: Stay quiet. Just a little more.

Yui: …..

Carla: Okay — this will do.

Yui: ….. ?

Carla: I have given the snake that bit me a strong punishment about its doing.

Yui: Isn‘t the snake only in there while the sun shines?

Carla: Here, look for yourself.

Yui: Kyaaaa!? T-The snake is still right there—

Carla: I already put the snake under my control by now. I had to set a curse on it.

Yui: ….. !?

Carla: —Now, medusa snake, come on my hand.

*snake peeks outside*

Carla: Oh my, you have made me go through some sort of bitter experiences indeed.

This would have never happened to me, if I had been aware of the existence of this particular matter in the first place.

But it does not matter any longer. You will be able to make up for the sins you have created with your own body soon enough.

Yui: Nn… what does that exactly mean?

Carla: —That stone… it has been dissolved in the interior body of this snake from the very beginning.

Yui: ...Nn… so that‘s it! Does that mean the exact same stone‘s really inside that snake?

Carla: Well, the size of the jewel must have narrowed since it may have reached its upper limit.

But over this short amount of time, it could not possibly afford shrinking too much either. I would have to take out the stone to prove that.

We only have to capture it now—

Yui: Is it seriously okay to touch it barehanded?

Carla: It will not be able to resist because of the effective spell I put upon it… Nn…

—What!? What is this supposed to mean… !?

Yui: Kyaaa!?

(It spouted!!)

*Carla protects Yui*

Carla: —Nn!!

Yui: Carla-san… !!

(It can‘t be… !! Carla-san can‘t be bitten again, he can‘t…)

Are you okay!?

Carla: Tch… it appears as if the spell has not worked successfully because of its poison... it seems to still have enough willpower to go against it...

Are you alright, at least?

Yui: Yeah, only because Carla-san ended up protecting me though...

Carla: Good...

Yui: Other than that, Carla-san...

Nn… !

*Yui hugs Carla*

Yui: Nn…

Carla: Is there anything to cry for? I have already been bitten by it once by now. If I have not changed after one time, I will not after another.

Yui: Are you sure about that? The petrifaction won‘t keep on moving forward faster… is that really true?

Carla: I have been taking this with me for a long time now, would you not agree?

So, do not cry… Nn...

*Carla kisses Yui*

Yui: (Carla-san… he‘s really affectionate. Even though… he‘s in such a critical situation right now…)

Carla: Okay. We will now take the snake with us, and then make sure to give it to Aji.

Yui: Nn… yes… !

Place: Demon world — Reine • de • Aji store

Carla: —We are back.

Twin Children Vampire B: Welcome back!!

Carla: The medicine?

Twin Children Vampire A: Oh, yes. Look, it‘s over there.

Aji: —I‘ve heard it from the children already, but are you really willing to give the medicine to them?

Carla: Yes, that is my intention.

Aji: Good grief, our founder-sama really is a praiseworthy person. What will you do about your petrification then?

Carla: —With this, even a small amount should be enough. Would you be willing to make another antidote?

Aji: Oh my, the medusa snake… I see, that‘s what you thought of.

However, I won‘t be able to make enough medicine to completely detoxify your whole body with just this one.

Even so, are you okay with that?

Carla: It is fine. As long as I am able to continue living after only half of my body has turned into stone.

Aji: Alright. I‘ll start making it immediately.

Yui: —U-Um… can I ask something?

That snake… will you end up killing it?

Aji: Why would you care about something like that?

Yui: That‘s because...

Carla: ...Is there perhaps a method to get the gem out of the snake without killing it?

Yui: Carla-san… !

Aji: Hmm, it wouldn‘t be much of a problem taking it out without killing it, but it will take some time to do so.

In the meantime, the petrification could be possibly completed by then, you know? Do you still want that?

Carla: Yes.

Aji: Okay, fine. Well then, keep waiting a little.

*Aji leaves*

Carla: Now, kids. Give this medicine to your dog.

Twin Children Vampire B: Nn… thank you… really!

Twin Children Vampire A: Founder-sama… you‘re really an amazing man!

Carla: I told you, I do not joke around. Now go, quickly.

Twin Children Vampire B: Yes! U-Um… this...

Carla: What is this? An ornament… ?

Twin Children Vampire A: This is to show our gratitude. Well then… ! 

*they run off*

Carla: ...Now what exactly is this?

Yui: As those two already said, they just wanted to give you something to thank you.

Carla: Hmph. Good grief… that is exactly why children are not my cup of tea.

Yui: (Even if he does say such a thing, Carla-san seems way more gentle to children than to others)

—Carla-san, you‘d surely make a good father in the future...

Carla: ...Ngh… !

Yui: Carla-san!!

Carla: —Fuck… the petrifaction… it‘s progressing… Nn… !

Yui: (Nn… mostly every part of his body… has already turned into stone… !)

Carla-san! Please, hang in there… !

Carla: I… I‘m al… right...

*Yui gets closer*

Carla: Ngh…

Yui: (...Please! Come back… faster… please, hurry up!)

*time passes*

Aji: —I must‘ve kept you waiting.

Yui: Nn… ! Aji-san… Carla-san, he is… !

Aji: Good god, this is bad. We have to give him the medicine as soon as possible.

Be aware to be careful not to spill anything.

Yui: Carla-san… Carla-san… !!

Carla: …..

Aji: He already lost consciousness. It‘s already impossible for him to drink the medicine all by himself.

Yui: —Then, I‘ll make him drink it mouth-to-mouth...

Nn…

Carla: Nn…

Yui: (Please… work… dear goddess, please let it work… !)

(Carla-san… come back!)

*Carla slowly moves*

Yui: (Ah! The petrification… it loosened…)

Aji: I‘m so glad. It seems as if you did it right in time.

Yui: Yes… !

Carla: Nn… Yui… ?

Yui: Yes, I‘m here… ! Carla-san… how are you feeling?

Carla: I feel better now… luckily… it feels as if the petrifaction has loosened itself in my whole body...

Aji: I‘m glad. Since you‘re a founder, only this much amount must‘ve been enough to cure it completely.

This is definitely not normal otherwise.

Carla: Aji, I have to thank you.

Aji: No, No. It‘s only natural to help other people who are troubled by something. 

—By the way, I‘ll take the full responsibility of releasing the snake deep into one of the forests.

Carla: I see… please do.

Aji: Okay!

*Carla dresses up*

Carla: Well, then… next… should be your turn.

Yui: Eh? My turn?

Carla: …..

Yui: My turn you say… then, ah, is that so...

I‘m sorry. My head might‘ve been full with everything that has happened with Carla-san, and that‘s probably how I forgot about myself.

Carla: Haa, that is simply the woman you are… you are way too good-natured for a normal person.

Yui: ...Probably...

(I only came to this parade because of a treasure that has been stolen from me, but with everything that has been going on, it must‘ve been natural that I forgot about myself)

Carla: —Hey, Walter… are you listening?

Yui: Eh?

Earl of Walter: —Kuku, as expected from your awareness.

Yui: (Nn, the voice of the Earl was coming from somewhere in the sky or something… !)

Carla: I noticed it indeed. You have been continuously doing this for a while.

Yui: W-What is that supposed to mean?

Earl of Walter: Both of your actions, I‘ve been continuously looking at them for a long time by now.

Yui: (I didn‘t even notice him at all…)

Carla: —And, what about it now? Do you feel like returning her heart?

Earl of Walter: I don‘t think so...

Carla: Nn… stop joking around… !

Yui: Carla-san!?

Place: Glimmer street — Eisen alley

Carla: I will not accept you saying that. She is someone who, in comparison to me, should have her strength being recognized.

This woman is truthful. She is in comparison to anyone, pure.

She is the one and only woman who is worth possessing this sort of heart. I will not let you say anything different from this!

Yui: (Carla-san… I think this might be the first time I‘ve ever seen him shouting out like that…)

Earl of Walter: —My, My. It appears as if I have no other choice but to surrender.

Yui: Eh… ?

(Nn… !?)

(My chest… Nn… !)

Carla: —Hey! Hang in there!

*Carla comes closer*

Carla: Hey!

Yui: Nn… I-I‘m okay...

Earl of Walter: —I certainly did return it now.

Carla: Hey, did he surely return it back to you?

Yui: ...Yes, he did...

Carla: Nn...

*Carla leans toward her chest*

Carla: —What a relief.

Yui: (Carla-san…)

Earl of Walter: Therefore, I‘m done here. But, enjoy the finale of the parade to your complete heart‘s content, please do this much for me.

Carla: Never appear again!

Earl of Walter: —Fufu, then…

*Earl disappears*

Yui: Ah...

Carla: This issue seems to be settled.

Yui: Yes!

(I was already wondering what would happen at first…)

(But because of all the things that happened to us, I was able to see various aspects of Carla-san again, and I did that without even being able to enjoy the parade at its fullest until now.)

(I was, once again, able to see his other colors for myself, and I‘ll never forget about this sort of feeling any longer. In order to do so, I‘ll keep on living…)

(—With Carla-san together…)

Carla: Now, in that case—

Yui: Let‘s enjoy the remaining time we still have!

Carla: Yes.

[noteofnaught]

Dante's memory of his mother

Fiddled with what I had written earlier.

The translation was done for me by deepl (translator).

Please let me know if you think it's strange or if there are any mistakes.

The above is purely a personal opinion

Feel free to discuss and exchange.

Dante's memory of his mother

Dante's memory of his mother, or rather that night, seems to have been formally depicted once in DMC5 since DMC1.

So let's start with the DMC1.

In the DMC1 novel, there is a scene depicting Dante recalling the events of his mother's death.

「母さん、母さん……ねぇ、母さん！」

幼子が、地に倒れ伏した母親の身体を揺さぶり続けている。母親の息がすでに絶えていることは、誰の目にも明らかだ。

だが幼子は──すでに自分でもそうとわかっているのだろうが──無

駄な努力を止める気配はない。

「兄さんもいなくなっちゃったんだ！ 母さん！ ねぇ、母さん！」

亡骸からは未だ、温かな血が地面へと広がり続けている。

幼子は半狂乱だった。

We can see in the description that Dante tries to wake his mother up next to her dead body, even though he realises that she is dead but he is still trying to wake her up. This is a reluctance to accept his mother's death, a normal emotion and attitude for a small child to have.

And the second half of his sentence [兄さんもいなくなっちゃったんだ!] It is as if he had searched for his brother, but his tone is one of powerlessness, of helplessness, of feeling negative about the outcome. So here I want to convey not so much that he has searched for his brother to no avail, but a sense of powerlessness about the situation. He tries to wake up his mother in this way.

It's close to one: Mom, wake up. My brother is not here/is gone and I don't know what to do/I'm scared, please get up Come on.

And then in the scene of Neal's death, Dante recalls this as Neal's sacrifice to protect him, just as his mother did that day.

After that he heard the voice of his father's sword, and out of fear and insecurity he was completely drawn to it, thus obeying its words and changing his name until he gained the power to fight against it.

Then, in the battle with Gilvi, when Gilvi stabbed Dante and was covered by the necklace, Dante's internal activity was as follows.

He credits his mother with protecting him (again) as a child.

Where the mother sacrifices herself to save/protect Dante this is consistent with the DMC1 in-game scene. In DMC1 Dante has a similar line after Trish sacrifices herself to save him. This is the diagram from Precious Tears, with Japanese and English, but both Japanese and English convey that Trish sacrificed herself to save him, as did her own (Dante's) mother.

This is in line with the content of the DMC3 comic.

In the DMC3 comic, Dante has a nightmare at the office after his encounter with Vergil, a dream that is not in fully recreated form but like a fragmentary form.

Here the mother has more dialogue than in DMC1, and it is obvious from the comic's footage that there are huge hands behind her that are about to crush her, and Dante reaches towards her as if to retain his mother, who is feeling very scared, while her mother shouts for him to hurry up and hide/hide and not come out no matter what happens. She is then crushed by the huge hand. In the next panel we can see that the demon looks like a bird and says the terrible words "all die". like it is glowing, and on the next page you can also see the huge three foot shadow on the ground, which also looks like the claws of a bird, and the door behind it is the image of burning, while a long shadow is drawn under his feet.

Of course, we know from the comic that Arkham says there was a fire that day, and Vergil's fearful recollection of the house being on fire makes DMC5 even more certain that it was indeed on fire. The glowing eyes, the long, thin shadows and the subsequent bloodstained house in the comic give the impression that something ominous, unsettling and alien is about to happen.

The cartoon after that also shows us Dante waking up with a jolt, his face covered in water, looking at his hand but with only a drop on his end finger, giving the illusion that he has pulled a hook with someone. There is no sweat on his body, however, and of course there are problems of expression in the painting, so it is not painted.

But it is also true that these same fragmentary memories and dreams give Dante unease and fear.

Well, the memory, the feeling of his mother in Dante's vision so far is the following: his mother told himself to hide and not come out, and sacrificed himself to save himself. It is the great selfless motherly love that belongs to Dante.

Although it was a great mother's love, the memory of that day still makes Dante feel uneasy and afraid. The last memory his mother leaves Dante with is the one that tells Dante to hide, and implicitly the will to let him live. If we add the DMC1 novel to the mix here, it is at this very moment that he is drawn to his father's sword.

Again within these memories and fragments, the mother is rendered unknowable to Vergil, meaning that we do not or cannot see in Dante's recollections that the mother ever went looking for Vergil, if not for the presence of the phrase [兄さんもいなくなっちゃったんだ!] we would not even know in this recollection of Dante that he knew that he had a brother. What we can see or what Dante perceives in his vision is that his mother loved him so much that she died in the process of protecting/saving him.

However, it is also a writing device that can be lifted off as suspense.

But again, this doesn't do any damage to the image of Eva as a great mother, because based on what happened that day, the great mother had to choose to save/protect (potentially the closest to her or that she could find) one child and had to give up the other in the face of force majeure. Dante also never said before DMC5 whether his mother loved Vergil or not, whether she ever sought him out or whether she cared for his brother as well.

What we see in Dante's vision is basically what Dante can know, but it doesn't mean all of it. After all, comics or game scenes have an obligation to show us the scenes, but it doesn't necessarily mean that the characters actually see all the textures. We, as players/readers, are a kind of God's eye and we can notice things that are not right or different (also a storytelling technique) but as protagonists we are not necessarily fully aware or in the same position as us.

I think if you have seen suspense films, you will also often see that kind of bridge, we all know that this bomb is going to explode this person to kill that person, although there is that kind of explicitly shown in the footage, but the protagonist is still unaware of the appearance, many viewers are in order to pinch a cold sweat, for this reason anxious hope that the protagonist quickly realize.

And DMC5 gives us a formal depiction of that day, not through snippets like a nightmare, you can see in the game's overstory description that it says Dante dreamed of what happened before, which means this time you are shown real memories.

After all, a nightmare is not necessarily a real memory, it is a condensation of a certain memory. Sometimes we have a nightmare like dreaming of a giant cockroach because we are afraid, so we reproduce and amplify this fear in our nightmares, so that a small cockroach we see in the house becomes enormous in our nightmares, the giant cockroach is not necessarily real but the fear is real. Of course, we are not talking about the formation of nightmares here, but only about the fact that nightmares and some fragments of our memories with fear and anxiety may be a recreation of what we felt and what existed at the time, but not necessarily a completely real recreation.

In the DMC5 Eva process screen.

There is a slight difference between Japanese subtitles and English subtitles, or even Japanese dubbing.

The overall meaning is actually similar to the DMC3 manga, Eva is all over Dante not moving and telling him to hide/hide, the only difference is that she says more words to make Dante forget his past and forget his name and start a new life from scratch/not being Dante but another person to start over. All also contain the mother's wish for him to live well.

The difference is that in the Japanese subtitles, Eva clearly expresses the possibility that she may not return and so tells Dante to listen well to what she says next, whereas in English it is expressed as I promise you will return.

In the English context, although the mother says she will come back, she immediately reverses the 'come back' in the next sentence, saying that she knows it will be difficult, but you're old enough so you'll have to do this if I don't come back. They both mean the same thing, a mother who knows she might not come back and tells her child what she will do if she doesn't come back, as if making a pact with her child: we agreed that if I don't come back, you will remember to do this, I know you can do it.

If you look closely at the animation of the process, you can even see Dante's hand trembling on the cupboard door, he is very scared.

And the BGM here also happens to be called: More Fear

And of course it is here that we first see Eva looking for Vergil, and it turns out that Eva has looked for Vergil! This doesn't exactly match the information we got on Dante's side earlier.

But are you saying that the DMC1 message contradicts the current message? The DMC1 novel only mentions that he cried next to his mother's body, not that she said anything to him before she died, after which he became obsessed with his father's sword out of fear and terror. And his father's sword statement is the same as his mother's deathbed statement but in a very different series.

The meaning of the mother's words is very clear, the words are all about the desire for her child to live well and to stay away from these things that will hurt him, a good expectation and blessing for her child and the expectation and belief that her child will be able to do so.

「今はその名を隠し、目を眩ませ、逃げ延びよ」

“Now go incognito, confuse the enemy and flee far away!”

The overall meaning of the phrase is that it is dangerous to hide the name, confuse the enemy and run away, and the phrase even takes the form of a command that the child must do what he says.

It's a phrase you'd put in the context of a superior to a subordinate, a captain to his teammates, and in the context of a tense battlefield man telling you to run fast is perfectly fine and appropriate. But Eva's words could only be said by a mother to her child.

When all the memories are linked together, our facts about Eva become a little more complete, and at the same time what effect does it have on Dante?

If his mother only died saving him and he hated his father for her revenge which is quite reasonable, this has to be a blowback from his father's enemies. What is necessary to mention here is what Dante's mindset was regarding DMC1 killing the Black Angel.

In the official publication of the 3124 collection, Dante is said to have killed the Black Angel with "no thought", a word synonymous with "remnant", which is generally translated into Chinese as: regret.

And the DMC1 how-to book has a direct description of his ideas.

Dante is talking here about Mundus killing his mother and brother.

This is not the same as what we generally think of as objective perception. In the game we see over the course of the game, the Black Angel looks as if he still has a heart, so naturally we think there is still salvation, after all, he is still alive.

But here Dante does not think that it was his own hand that killed the Black Angel, but that Mundus killed Vergil.

Of course we can parse this to mean that killing the man who was Vergil means, but even so within this passage of Dante he is not one of the reasons for Vergil's death, he has no responsibility in Vergil's death and is not responsible for any act occurring in the process, but rather Mundus should need to take full responsibility.

In other words, it means that even if it was he who killed the Black Angel in the course of the battle, then he is not responsible for it, but Mundus is responsible for it, because it was Mundus who arranged it, and how could he have killed it if he had not arranged it there, it was not his problem, it was Mundus' problem.

than what we generally think of as objective factual rational logic going into the judgement: although Mundus turned Vergil into a black angel like that, he himself didn't recognise the killing, more or less he was responsible for it or felt particularly guilty that he didn't recognise it.

Dante's logic leans more towards total emotional logic: It's all Mundus' fault!

And in DMC5 just as Vergil used to think it was a matter of not having enough power, now it's a matter of having too much power, and now that Mundus is gone, not recognizing Vergil (V) for killing Vergil can only be his active choice, not a passive one, and it can only be that his responsibility has nothing to do with Mundus.

Returning to the mother, what arises is in fact the same question. If before it was his mother's great love for him, which was selfless and exclusive to him, now, at this moment, her love is equal, not just his but also his brother's. The "he" whose mother sacrificed herself to save him in the flashback (DMC5) is not really a "he". His mother's did not hesitate to rush out to save her brother, knowing the danger.

Of course we must also mention nell, arguably the designer of Dante's double shot.

In the novel, Thor wants Neal to commission and pay a deposit for a double gun for himself, one of which is a secret-made gun he stole from a robbery, and the other is the same type of medieval gun that Neal himself received.

nell is so good to Tony, as is clearly described in the DMC1 novel, because Tony looks so much like her child, and her love for her child is projected onto Tony, and she holds on to her job before she eventually dies, not only because of her love for Tony but also her love for her own child, and more so for the work ethic she has taken on this job and should complete.

But all the same, the person she missed most on her deathbed was her own child, something Tony could never replace, nor could he if he wanted to, which of course didn't mean that nell's love for Tony was false, nell's love for Tony was also real, indeed it was love, it was precisely because of the person of her own child that nell loved so deeply that Tony was loved by her.

Whether it is nell or the mother Eva, their love for their child is not solely Dante's alone and only his, or why they love Dante/Tony, it is because they both love their child, and if they were not such, then Dante would naturally not be loved by them.

His mother's protection and sacrifice is something he feels and desires, something that is personal and emotional for him. It also explains Dante's statement to Trish in DMC1 that "his mother died to protect herself", because Trish, like his mother in his feelings and understanding, has what he calls a "heart".

Of course, because DMC1 is entirely Dante's vision of storytelling (DMC1 is Dante's story), his mother is human in Dante's eyes, and Trish acts like his mother to protect him, or even Dante's ideal mother, so Trish is also a person with a "heart", as to how Trish feels or if that is the case. We will not discuss this issue here.

Surely the mother did not save Dante? This is necessarily a negative, but was it to save him that his mother died, or to hold back the demon who tried to kill him so that he could escape? Again, that is a negative. Wouldn't his mother have done that in that situation? That too is a negative. Wouldn't Dante have wanted his mother? No. Must Dante have never been afraid of not wanting his mother to stay by his side to give him security and protection? Did Dante only want to protect his mother and never wanted her to stay by his side to protect him? All the information above seems to be in the negative.

DMC5 is simply a reinterpretation and addition of information from the past, the only thing overturned is Dante's belief that his mother died to save himself.

This message provides us with an explanation of the origin of Dante's hatred for his brother, as is often the case in many films and novels, in which he blames the child for the death of his beloved wife, even though it was not the child's fault, and believes that if it had not been for him, his wife would not have died. He stubbornly believes that his mother died to save him, not to save his brother, and not because of this he is unable to love his brother; he acts as if he wishes he could have the mother's love all to himself.

For if we are to acknowledge the fact that his mother died to save his brother, we also have to acknowledge something else, and that is that he equally did not want to be left/abandoned by his mother.

Of course, this is not a contradiction or a conflict; it is only natural that a child should be afraid and want to protect his mother, and it is equally natural that he should want to protect her.

The above is purely a personal opinion

[joy1579]

The RFA boys and how they express love

I swear someday I’ll play jaehee’s route and I’ll come update this to include her but right now I’m on the route of pain and sorrow and I don’t know how to stop. its only like day 4 of the “another story route” and I don’t see this shiz getting any less painful. if anyone wants to send me jumin or yoosung fluff it would be much appreciated oh and also is there an easier way to tag?

anyways without further ado. I hope you guys enjoy my take on how the RFA boys express their love.

Jumin

If its planned: spoiling you he buys gifts. he loves your smile when he surprises you with a gift and you love the goofy grin on his face when he gets to spoil you. At first it made you nervous. You didn’t like the idea that he thought he had to buy your love. You didn’t want him thinking you stayed with him just because of the money, especially since you would gladly stay with him even if he had nothing. You confronted him about this after your first valentines together. You didn’t plan on crying though and the second the first tear fell you could see Jumin’s heart break. He explained that he wasn’t giving you gifts to make you stay, he bought you gifts because he would pass by something and think of you. He bought you gifts because even the thought of your smile made his day better. he bought you gifts because he loved you and not to make you love him. You launched yourself at him catching him off guard you tumbled to the floor together as you nuzzled into his chest. He laughed at your antics as he wrapped his arms around you in kind.

If its unplanned: physical affection He isn’t used to affection. Especially romantic affection so his tolerance is fairly low. He can tend to get swept up in the heat of his emotions so when he gets overwhelmed by his feelings towards you there’s only really one outlet. (wink wink) he doesn’t enjoy PDA however so more often than not he’ll whisk you away to somewhere private. The second his lips meet yours you practically drown in his passion and you wonder how anyone could call this man a robot when he his every movement was filled with love and heart. You suppose you could be the only one who has the privilege of seeing him like that and pride wells up within you as you lean into his embrace. You love him like this just like you love him when he sits at his desk working intently. Everything about him seems to call out to you and in this moment you hope he can feel it.

Yoosung

If its planned: games with you fun it this cutie pies middle name. he plans dates complete with games and roleplaying adventures (look at his valentines DLC where y’all played like it was your first date). He enjoys nothing more than seeing you laugh and play with him. Sometimes he worries you won’t take him seriously though especially after someone else treats him like a child. You always know this has happened because he’s not up for your normal games. He gets agitated when you call him puppy and cutie. This is your cue to remind him that being cute doesn’t make him less manly. You tell him you love his cute side because no matter how hard your day was he never fails to make you smile. You remind him you chose him. You chose him and no one else.

If it isn’t planned: takes care of you this precious boy is all about acts of service. You wonder if it has anything to do with his Kink desire for praise. He wants to do things for you. Anything! He likes to cook for you and help you study or teach you a new mechanic in your game. It makes him feel strong even if he can’t beat someone in a fist fight. The more he helps you the more useful and secure he feels. You assure him that he doesn’t have to do anything to earn your love and affection “you just have to be yourself puppy! I love you for you not what you do!” but you let him keep doing things because it gives you a good excuse to praise him and the look in his eyes when you praise him it far too good to give up. He gets all red and starry eyed you could almost swear he’s having an out of body experience. You’ll admit you get a bit uneasy when other people praise him because of this though, that being said you don’t want to stop it if it makes him happy. So instead you simply double up on your cuddles and praise when you get home.

 Saeyoung

If its planned: hand made gifts for Saeyoung a gift means nothing if it’s not personalized. When he gives a gift its always handmade or hand built maybe. Either way its hours spent to prove how much he cares about you. You can guarantee that a gift from him is more than the sum of its parts. He likes watching you interact with his latest gadget discovering all its hidden uses and programs. His favorite part is when he can tell its surprised you, he thinks the mixture of shock and mirth on you face is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Every gift he gives you gets increasingly complex, from that first robotic cat made to simply keep you company to his latest gift which even after 3 months your still finding new things the glowing long cat robot (extendo-elly the 4th) can do.

If its unplanned humor he loves to make you smile. His jokes and memelord nature wasn’t completely for show. He genuinely enjoys seeing you laugh. He’s constantly looking for new ways to have you ROTFL’ing. Once he sent you a meme completely in binary just so he could watch you translate it and face palm while you giggled to yourself. He considers the times when you punch him playfully tears of laughter in your eyes to be a rousing success. He learned pretty fast you enjoyed his cosplay that you always thought one of two things. You either thought it was beautiful or you had to practically bite you hand to stop your giggles. His showmanship only grows from there. If you’re feeling down, he makes it his life’s purpose to bring your smile back even if it means making a fool of himself (especially if it means making a fool of himself).

 Zen

If its planned quality time Zen just wants to spend time with you. He likes being near you even if you’re doing nothing. When he does his strength training you do yoga, when he practices lines in the living room your sitting on the floor laptop in hand. He likes to be near you so he plans date’s where you can simply be together. Stargazing, motorcycle rides, even trips to museums if that’s what your into (though you might have to help him understand why that stuff is important). he likes catching glimpses of you while acting, hearing your voice while he’s chatting with a fan, recognizing your perfume as you rush past him for an onset project. It’s partly why he wanted you as his manager, the other part was that you where damn good at it. You could juggle the RFA party and his shooting schedule and the upcoming auditions like you were born for it. Honestly he was just so thrilled to be with you whenever possible.

If its unplanned praise let’s face it this boy is dramatic as all get out. So when he gets overwhelmed he can’t help but revert to those cheesy lines from his plays. He’ll shower you in praise and love and you’re always a little worried that one day he’ll just start spouting Shakespeare. he calls you princess and angel while fawning over you because he just can’t help it he loves you and if he can’t spirit you away to a nice private place when he can unleash the beast, then he’ll simply have to verbally drown you in praise and love.