#i know i havent been active ive been super depressed sorry

[youredreamingofroo]

a bit of a message talking about inactivity and my possible hiatus. I dont know if this counts as a cw but i talk about depression here and there at the beginning (nothing graphic) and as usual, its a rant

im gonna be straight honest rn, i'm probably not gonna be active on tumblr for these next few days, ive been super up and down depressed and im just unmotivated and too tired to do anything, im still gonna check in here and there but dont expect me to reblog or reply to many posts, if at all. This could mark the beginning of a hiatus, but with mood swings and up and down depression, i could be back, active as ever tomorrow. Ever since ive uninstalled Sims 4, i did feel a weight lift off my shoulders, but simultaneously made me depressed due to the lack of... well... doing something, i dont... really know how to put it into words, its just something in my brain that i just cant explain, i guess a good way to put it is playing sims 4 gave me the motivation to stem off into other mediums, blender for example, gave me something to do, something to learn, and while i can still use blender, i just get progressively slower and slower at doing stuff in it because of my limited resources, some scenes i want to do require specific outfits and i dont have the facilities to make those outfits... i mean i probably do but i just dont feel motivated to do all that. I still play other games, ive been playing a lot of slime rancher 2 and have been trying to branch out to other games (indie games and bigger games), I want to post gameplay but if youve seen me rant about tumblr before, one of my biggest gripes is just how fucking annoying it is to upload images, so i just get completely unmotivated to post images/gameplay especially if its just some silly post. if uh if anyone is still reading this, ill be honest, i havent even been motivated to write about WAS at all, probably havent touched the planning doc in about 2 weeks. This... 'spiral'... has been noticeable for me for the last week as my sleep schedule gets swapped around from sleeping at night and awake during the day... to sleeping during the day and awake at night, this is all my fault, but its also just something that happens rotationally for me, i go from sleeping VERY early in the evening (6PM at the earliest) and waking at VERY early times in the morning (4AM at the latest) to sleeping VERY late in the morning (6AM at the earliest) and waking up late in the evening (3PM at the latest), i dont really know what causes the shift, but it happens, and i often blame myself for it even though i dont know what causes it...

anyways sorry, this will probably mark a very iffy hiatus, like i said ill be active but not... super active, i didnt check tumblr at all yesterday/monday, so thats kind of the pattern to expect from me depending on the day. In the meantime... i might try to get back into older sims games, ive mentioned this before, but i do have sims 1 on my laptop so maybe ill post stupid little gameplay posts from there (granted i havent played in like... a month 😐). I'll probably put up a poll after this post for people to vote on which sims game i should play- i KNOW i did it once before but im probably gonna do it again cuz i cant find the post and i have over 1000 posts 😭

if you read thus far, thank you for sticking around, if your a random person who read this for no reason... thanks? if your a follower of mine and cant understand where im coming from with this lengthy post, see yourself out or deal with it 🙃 otherwise, thank you all and i will be lurking about

[louthingg]

hey bestie ive missed you sorry i havent been very active recently i was on a field trip!!!

godzilla x kong is coming out soon and im super excited!!! i rewatched godzilla tonight in preparation >:) im very autistic about him lol hes my big handsome lizard man

ALSO DR WHO IN MAY!!! THERE ARE NEW TRAILERS DROPPING AND ITS AWESOME AND IM SO EXCITED

anyways yea idk what this was i just wanted to talk to you i guess teehee

ily <3

haiaiaiai mike i’ve missed you too !!!!!! i’m kinda in the midst of a depressive episode so i haven’t been super active either but this lowkey made me cry actual tears when i saw it so thank you !!

also i was in the theartres watching dune 2 the other day (side note: it was so good. and better than the first one idk how they did that) AND I SAW THE TRAILER FOR GODZILLA X KONG it looked so cool :3 i was very autistic about godzilla when i was little but my parents wouldn’t let me watch the movies cos they thought it’d scare me and i haven’t ever got around to it since. i’m putting it on my miles long watchlist though, now that i know you like it !!!!

i really need to watch more doctor who (i watched one full episode and literally sobbed my eyes out. to be fair i cry at everything even slightly emotional. i openly weeped at lego batman) i literally have no time anymore sobbing. but YAYYAYAYA feel free to infodump to me about it anytime i will gladly listen :3 !! i love you too <33

[curydraws]

here are some places you can find me if you decide to leave or if we get nerfed! my twitter is prob the most active place, i’m thinking of cleaning up my dA and recreating it as my portfolio space (unfortunately). mastodon is a lil messy. wysp.ws is another art site i’m thinking of continuing. when pillowfort is released i’ll start moving there. i’ll keep yall updated if i do anything else.

TWITTER // DEVIANTART // WYSP // CURY@MASTODON.SOCIAL

[meltwonu]

*gose spoilers at the end if u havent watched bad clue 2 yet! 

(ch 16/17)

😏😌💕 no spoilers, no spoilers~

ALSO seungcheol being low-key possessive is so hot to me 😭 send me to jail kdjfhdjkf  it doesn't even have to be like, bold stuff just small comments like that and I'd swoon so hard djfhsk and yES im sorry I made seokmin the butt of a joke but 🤣 WE NEED SOME COMEDIC RELIEF IN THIS BitCH

the way these award shows have all the idols just backstage have me convinced in my spirit that BTSVT is just, to some degree, chillin together backstage and im like,,, I have that eye twitch like LET US SEE!! 😩😩 

and as for minghao and jungkook omg can u imagine--wait I got an idea 😌 

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! 🥺💕 I know I havent been super active in nov and dec with replying, as ive gotten super busy with work and other things, but I'm hoping that at least my fics are helpin’ yall thru the week! my seasonal depression said wussup and writing fic is powering me thru it all too 😭💕 I love u 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

😳💕 omg thats so cool!! I bet your designs are fuckin incredible!! 💕 also I have such a kink for incubus!svt being confident in showing their horns and having their nails painted black like THATS the fuckin image that gets me goin 😌

t|h coming soon 😌💕

I hate that anytime these mf play mafia I immediately want to think that jeonghan is somehow the mafia ☠️ I FEEL SO BAD BUT ITS JUST, HES SO GOOD AT LYING KJDFHKJFH also does anyone else wish the handcuffs were full size and that they,,,, yknow... put them on each other 😩

also soonyoung was scaring me in these eps he was rly going for it LMAO AND THE FUCKING GLASSES TOO

if ur talking abt nipple piercing jihoon he is DEF making a comeback in t|h 😌💕 bc im a wh0re and I love a pierced jihoon if he would only do it in real life 😭

[kpopmemesnvines]

hey yall

ik i havent been super active on here lately... ive been going through a really tough time, with losing my cat, stormey, and immense pressure and stress from being a music major.

but ive started grasping that while stormey may be gone she will always be with me (of course i still have my moments where i tear up thinking about her) and my new kitten, bomi, has definitely helped me cope with my loss and has given me a reason to move on.

ive also recently decided to remove all unneccessary stress from my life and that includes being a music major. in less than a year of being a music major ive not only fallen further into my depression but my stress and anxiety levels have also gotten almost as high as they were when i was bullied from elementary to middle school and suicidal. it got to the point where i was shutting down every time i didnt meet my own expectations and while putting my violin up i had a subconcious thought that all this stress and anxiety would go away if i just killed myself.

its been a long time since ive had these thoughts and i didnt want to return to the point i was all those years ago since im not sure i would be able to survive it again. so i talked to my mom, since shes one of the only people who know the extent of my depression and suffering, and we decided that i should apply to transfer to University of Houston, but not as a music major.

so I have applied to UH with my intended major as Chinese Studies and a possible minor of Italian Studies they didnt have any korean language classes dummer right? lol. as of right now my application is still being reviewed, but an enormous amount of weight has been lifted off my shoulders and im super excited to actually be learning new languages and not just trying to teach myself. im beginning to actually feel somewhat happy again, which is rare for me.

i plan to start being as active as i was before all this shit hit the fan and sorry about the inactivity again. idk if any of yall really noticed but i thought that if you did yall deserved an explanation. thank yall for not abandoning this blog while i was kind of on my unannounced and unofficial hiatus. :)

Parker💕

[3inghao]

crush anon here and AHHHHH I DONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON bc i feel like out of all of us we have the weirdest (?) relationship bc we dont even have each other on social media or each others numbers and like again im still not in their group chat?? only me and my other suitemate (the other asian girl) arent in the group chat??? which is like,, really weird bc they mention it a lot but theyve never made any moves to add (1/15)

us to the group chat and like thats not really something you can just like,, ask to join,,, and so they all hang out and grab meals together or whatever and idk i guess its just bc they dont have as much schoolwork i guess?? and my roommate and him are both film majors so they have similar classes and i guess i just havent had that many opportunities to hang out otherwise?? but like ive only seen him once since drunk (2/15)

night and it was yesterday and it was because he was downstairs in the dance room of our hall taking pictures of three of the girls from our friend group for his hw and after theywere done they just came up toour room and hung out and like ,, i wanted to talk to him more but then my friend started swiping through her tinder and so he started to swipe through his and then my roommate and her started doing the matches (3/15)

on tinder for him and it was like,, they were judging the girls as they went by like ‘oh shes cute’ or ‘oh my god shes so weird’ and it was mostly them but i felt really uncomfortable bc they were all like attractive girls and i was like ahh,,, i guess theres me the potato ,, and like i dont want my friends to know i like him either bc 1. theyd all think its like the worst idea in the world bc everyone knows how much of a player he is (4/15)

2. i still dont know if my roommates into him and 3. i still dont really know him super well and it would just be so weird for the friend group?? dating within the friend group would be a terrrrrrible idea too,,, and like im so confused about what to do but one thing i do know is that i will never tell the friend group at least until i get closer to them and him.. and even so i dont think he likes me,, although i do think hes intrigued by me,, (5/15)

if that makes any kind of sense at all… i know hes actively trying to hook up/date other girls bc of the whole tinder incident and also the other guy friend in our friend group (went to hs with x) told us that he was trying to get with this british girl he met in an elevator bc she was super pretty (and again when i say super pretty i mean it bc the girls they were swiping left on tinder were all so pretty too ????) but yeah i just felt my (6/15)

stomach drop when i heard that bc i knew what kind of guy he was even before i had a crush on him but i cant help but feel so terrible whenever stuff like that happens.. and yet at the same time i feel like our dynamic is different anyways?? like idk if this makes sense but you know when you can just feel like theres something more to your relationship with a person?? like idk this might just be me projecting my delusional (7/15)

hopes and desires onto this interpretation but i can sense like we are both trying to feel each other out, and that we dont really know how to act around each other, and i feel like im so crazy and i must be imagining it but every time we make eye contact it always feels just a tiny bit longer than normal or with other people??? you know????? im honestly going insane thinking about this,, and every time we were together (8/15)

before drunk night i would shut myself down around him like i tried to avoid eye contact or engaging in conversation bc i was so scared of letting myself fall for him but it happened anyways and now im still scared but im trying to put myself out there and engage with him but then things happen like the tinder thing and i just shut right back down yesterday and pretended like i was really focused on my schoolwork or my (9/15)

readings and ahhh i really dont know whats going on anymore i still have so much hw to do on top of that and i dont see him often bc he doesnt live in the same hall as me, im not in the group chat, and im not the same major as him so essentially we only hang out on the weekends or occasionally on the weekdays if he comes over to our dorms bc my suitemates invite him or whatever ahhhhhh i cant stop thinking about it (10/15)

and i just keep oscillating back and forth from thinking that somethings finally gonna happen and that theres a crazy spark there to thinking that theres absolutely zero interest from his end and that he would never like me and that i would never want to be with a guy like that anyways and ahhhhh i know i just have to wait it out and continue to work on it (at least being his friend) but at the same time i feel like i should just drop the (11/15)

whole thing and pretend like that drunk night never happened and just treat him with polite distance and act like my opinion of him is 100% just neutral guy that im kinda friends with and has had some good times with but i also know nothing will ever happen unless im trying from my end and actively showing interest in him but again it would be so weird bc i cant flirt with him bc my friends would 1000000% be able to tell and i (12/15)

know its still too early ahhhh my head is spinning im literally going insane AHHHHHHHHHHH sorry and literally just as im writing this my roommate is facetiming her friend and was telling her a story and she referred to our group as ‘our friend group and also two other people who live with us’ MEANING she doesnt consider me and the other girl to be part of the friend group and i knew that deep down i really wasnt but i (13/15)

hang out with these guys a lot and i try my best to be supportive but not too clingy and idk what im doing wrong??? why do people not want to be my friend??? i?????????? im sorry for being so depressing but this is legit what i feel !!! and ahh i just kinda want to distance myself away from these people and get my own friend group but at the same time i dont bc i love these people but the thing is i dont know/i dont think (14/15)

they love me !!!!! wowie wow wow anyways that was my entire fucking rant about life in general and im sorry if im burdening you but i hope this message finds you well

AHHHHHHH CRUSH ANON IM SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS I’m starting to feel better now I was at a real low place the past two weeks and just feeling bleh but i’m getting some help and i’ll be fine :))) but since it’s been so long WHAT ELSE HAS HAPPENED i don’t think you need to give up on your feelings for him and i don’t think you need to give up on the friend group, they’ve probs just been more tight-knit for longer so it’ll just take time before you’re fully part of the group, if that’s what u want. Don’t stress about the boy tho!!!! if it’s meant to happen it will ya know, you can’t force something. Maybe try just being friends with him first and maybe go from there?? ahhh i feel so bad at giving advice lolollll i hope i’m helpful or can just be some that can lend an ear to you to rant

[probablysapphic]

i've been a proud bisexual for over 2 years, having crushes on mainly girls but never dating bc i just haven't found anyone. until this spring.. i met a guy who was nice and cute and funny etc and it was all good but now i've realized that i just don't like him that way. i don't feel anything when we kiss or hug (havent gone further bc long distance), it's kinda ok but tbh i feel more aroused when i sit next to a female stranger in a bus (and i'm not a pervert so that's not even a lot).->

i would just go and start telling everyone i’m a lesbian and ignore cute guys, but: this is my first time actually experiencing mutual attraction that leads somewhere. maybe i find kissing gross bc ive never done it before? also when i was child there wasn’t any love in our family and i’m not used to it, i can’t even have close friends, and in school everyone hated me and the boys always said how they would never date me etc. so maybe it’s all based on trauma and i’m going to miss a wonderful ->

relationship (bc the guy i’m dating really is a great person and we have that connection and i like spending time with him, u know all that shit) because i’m too lazy to fix my traumas with a therapist? and if i decide to go down the easy route and follow my feelings, i have to leave that guy and i really don’t want to do it, i’m scared he’ll get even more depressed, and then i also would be alone for the next forever. i have no idea of what’s the right thing to do!?

So sorry I kept you waiting, I hope you still see this.

First, let me repeat some things you’ve said:

“i met a guy (…) but now i’ve realized that i just don’t like him that way”“i don’t feel anything when we kiss or hug”“if i decide to go down the easy route and follow my feelings, i have to leave that guy“

Correct me if I’m wrong but it doesn’t sound like there’s any kind of attraction here. You think a lot about leaving him and told me that you have no feelings for him.You said this is the first time you’re experiencing mutual attraction. But, sorry, but what you say doesn’t seem like attraction from your side. It’s more like … wanting company. Mutually enjoying each other’s company. But if you picture a romantic relationship with more than that, then this is not it. Even though he’s nice and all that, isn’t it worth it to be with someone you actually wanna be with, instead of being with someone who is just “the best choice at the moment”?

So ask yourself: Is that the kind of relationship you want to be in? Because if you want passion, love, genuine attraction, and to actually enjoy all the physical activities like kissing etc. … then what you have is not thatThis post and this post make have good points, too.

And frankly, it’s not really fair to him either. I know you’re in a super difficult situation but you can still be there for him if you want to, as a friend (since you worry about him getting even more depressed) - but continue dating him doesn’t seem like a good idea for either of you.And if he blackmails you into staying with him, if he says “don’t leave me, I’ll get much worse then” then that’s a red flag and one more reason to leave him.

Also: “i would just go and start telling everyone i’m a lesbian” - I know it’s hard to figure out whether your attraction to men is genuine or not but it seems like you have made up your mind at least a little bit about that. (Even though know that you don’t have to be sure about that to identify as a lesbian.)

Maybe this post and this post help you, as well as my compulsory heterosexuality tag all together.

What’s keeping you from identifying as lesbian is fear. I get that. Fear of not finding someone, fear of hurting your current boyfriend.It’s okay to be afraid. We all are.I’m sure you’ll find someone. You won’t be alone forever. Go to places where lgbtq+ people meet, go to pride events, try dating apps/sites for wow if you want. But don’t settle for a guy if all you want is dating girls.

Please don’t blame yourself for this situation either. No, this isn’t because you’re too lazy to fix my traumas with a therapist. Definitely not.And from what you’ve described, I don’t think that you don’t like kissing just because you’ve never done it before.

I wish you all the best. Good luck. You’ll find happiness, I promise.

EDIT: check the comments!

[unicornninjabitch]

You: no one asked for another one of these

Me: yeah i know sorry i just have a lot of emotions and shit lately

(Haha thats a lie all i feel lately is annoyed and pain)

Anyway yes I’m going to complain more about life cause i have some emotions i need to get out and shit. Okay I’m very much a night owl, I have been my whole life, I work better t night and just love the night sky and shit. However 8th grade I was really, super, hella depressed cause of family stuff and school and being totally alone and you know the depression (thanks genes!), so I’d be absolutely TERRIFIED to be left alone with my thoughts. I’d stay up all night on youtube or some cringey website or on tumblr just so I didn’t have to lay in bed and think. Also very closeted, very depressed baby Alex had no idea wtf a healthy coping mechanism was, so I cut and it was bad like an every night thing cause after I did I was suddenly really tired and could almost sleep instantly once it hit like 2-3 am. Anyway I fucked my sleeping schedule up at a very young age, so that habit never left and the earliest I go to bed anymore is 12-12:30, whatever im used to it, not good for me but whatever. Then summer started and I didn’t sleep till like 1am-2am so I chalked it up to “it’s summer whatever”, but then it was 2 am-3am and I thought that was a one time thing, but nope. Now (as in the past week/week and a half ish) I’m lucky to get 2-3 hours of sleep and even then I’m up at like 9 am. As you can imagine this has lead to a good amount of problems, but first one additional thing. Now it’s just me and my mom at our house, but because of hour cuts and paying for school and catching up on bills and other shit we don’t really have a ton of money which means we don’t have a ton of food which means what we have we have to make last. With that being said back track to me getting 2-3 hours of sleep, now my body’s tired and I’m exhausted I just wont go to fucking sleep, but I’m hungry as hell. We didn’t have cereal and milk for awhile, so that left me with pasta like I said I’m exhausted so pasta involves cooking, but I couldn’t do it. I knew I’d be too tired half way through the water boiling to finish let alone eat anything. Also cause we don’t have a ton of money I’d get 2 free meals a day in school so I wouldn’t go a whole day (or week) without eating real food (i mean it was gross government food but it got the job done), but in summer I didn’t get that so I just havent eaten really all summer like i could probably count on my hands how many actual meals ive eaten all summer. So the not eating mixed with the not sleepings fucking awful as you can imagine.I had a headache so bad I had to close my curtains put on sunglasses cover my head with a blanket and put my ice on my head in an attempt to help ease the pain, but WAIT THERES MORE. Every bone in my body constantly feels like it needs to crack and im just constantly really achey (idk if that has to do anything but it hurts like hell) Ive tried stretching and resting but it doesnt help, BUT THERES EVEN MORE!! The not eating!! I can feel my stomach being totally empty besides some water and that shit fucking hurts (idk how baby Alex did that shit) AND A FINAL THING your boy was born with god awful child bearing parts and guess what came up?! That’s right devil week so i feel like someones just stabbing me with a pitchfork while also trying to eject food thats not there. Therefore the past few nights Ive basically been clutching my stomach and head, the heating pad isnt helping, and pain killers arent helping much.

At this point youre probably like “dude just some nyquil” which yeah youre right i should but we didnt have extra money this week to buy any and we dont have any so thats why i didnt do that. Also like I said before I /am/ tired, im really fucking tired and i dont really have thoughts its more like fast and loud static and like energy i have to get out or i get uncomfortable, so the past few nights (last night was really bad) Im up clutching and rocking and snapping and tapping my feet just trying to get rid of that energy. It comes a little bit in the day i was talking to a friend and typing so fucking fast while also thinking about some oc idea and then BAM no energy at fucking all like i had to lay down. This also leads into ive been trying to read out loud to myself so i can try to get my voice lower cause my voice bothers the hell out of me, but i cant focus for longer than like 5 minutes cause of loud static and extra energy and being tired and my eyes being tired so its really frustrating.

The thing is i go to a psychiatrist for my meds and what she told me (idk if this is true everywhere or just how she is) that i had like textbook bipolar but becaue at the time i was ike 14/15 they didnt want to diagnose it cause i was still young. Bipolar runs in my family, just like depression and anxiety, so i wasnt super suprised by that and as i got older i got less scared (theres nothing scary about people with bipolar btw i just didnt know what to expect or think cause of how i saw it in like movies and stuff) i thought maybe i wasnt and i just had highs and lows like everyone else, but looking back i can see that the highs and lows were really extreme and like i said before i was super suicidal last year and just kinda gave up and earlier this summer it took a lot of energy to do anything, but this isnt like doing reckless things kinda high like it normally is and it fucking suck ass guys. On top of that my ever so supporting lately mother was like “look up manic episodes” so i told her i know what it is but she just pushed to look it up so i did and of course i made a joke about increased sexual activity (which my virgin is not) and looked like yes i know. (side note dw too much im going to the doctors tomorrow and im gonna see what i can do about my meds and stuff).

So yeah sorry for another shitty life update (not including tons of dysphoria, isolation, and more self hate but whatevs)

[princessrosalina]

sorry i’m forgetting to come here so often but i still love you all <3 (follow my twitter @fracktail im way more active)

 i’ve been going okay in life, i’m finally back at university studying illustration/graphics again. transition stuff has been going okay too and generally everything in life is mostly okay, i have depressive relapses and stuff still which is hard to avoid but im generally a little more confident about stuff? im getting better with makeup and ive finally started practicing voice stuff which still hasnt got anywhere but its going to some time i know

i havent been doing much content wise i know but i actually do feel my inspiration coming back, now that im studying again and just generally improving on the personal side, theres a few projects i would like to work on and i want to just generally make more things i have fun with again because its an important part of my life that ive been missing so much since depression started kicking my ass super hard

i dont really know what else to add to this for now but i’ll probably try and come on here a bit more over the next few weeks after im finished with assignments

[bpdmagic]

sorry i need to vent for like a sec about how much my life sucks right now just ignore it i guess or read it and feel better about your life

since leaving college in may i’ve

- been dumped and gained 30+ pounds i literally want to just starve myself like i did when i was really depressed in college but i live with my dad and his fucking terrible wife and the tiny ass dog that terrorizes my cat so i cant 

- i also cant starve myself because i work full time (40 hrs a week which i know may not seem like a lot but its my first time having a full time job) fucking chasing around 2-3 year olds at a daycare (many of which have behavioral problems). most of the people here are not friendly, unhappy and underpaid. i dont make enough to live on my own and 

- because i work with small children i have been sick since i started working in september. i had a sinus infection a few weeks ago (right before christmas) and had to miss 3 days and pay $50 to see urgent care. i am now sick again with a fever but i dont know if its another infection i have to go spend another $50 to find out i hate this job you do so much and no one appreciates it.

- i havent had sex or been in a relationship in 8+ months which is a fucking nightmare for me because ive always been that girl with a long term boyfriend (i know big fucking deal vanessa, no one cares ok but ive been diagnosed with bpd and while im not actively trying to physically hurt/kill myself anymore, i still have symptoms and if you dont know anything about bpd sometimes it makes you seek emotional support from someone because you never really got it growing up) 

- i completely ghosted my therapist and stopped taking all the antidepressants i was on back in may so i dont know what the fuck is going on with my mental health ive just been suppressing everything and have random outbursts at the dentist like a normal person, right? my family is super against medication and keep telling me “its great you got off it, its bad for you and makes you gain weight”

- its been 8 months since i graduated and im not sure how/when im going to graduate school or how/when im going to find another job and people keep asking me about my future and i just have to blindly accept that everythings going to be okay. 

- im at a point in my life where im just so tired of dating and pretending to be interested in someone who has nothing in common with you. like yes looks and attraction are important but i mostly want someone i can genuinely enjoy spending time with. and i thought maybe i had found someone like that through some means other than the internet and my friend decides to be a shady bitch about it and ask him out SOLELY because i told her i was interested (and does this regularly to her other friends but theres nothing i can do about it because you cant change people like that) and he flat out rejects me. while im fucking sick in bed with a fever. not to mention winter is super fucking depressing and seasonal depression is a very real thing but i usually had someone to spend it with. new years was horrible because i was surrounded by couples. NOT TO MENTION the very real fear of never being able to fall in love with someone ever again because the only time ive ever felt real love i was in an abusive relationship that i literally keep coming back to and has ruined all of the relationships after it. 

- ive been feeling shitty since leaving school tbh but ive been trying so hard to distract myself with conventions and making costumes, playing video games, seeing friends whenever i can but now i dont want to see them anymore because of this whole ordeal so. 

- i guess im basically having ANOTHER quarter life crisis because i now have a bachelors degree from an esteemed college and i thought id be somewhere better by now.. and im 22 and i feel like time is running out. there are so many people in their 20s that are either married, with kids, or highly successful doing what they love... 

- finally, ive been switching addresses like crazy and dont have a place to live because my mom rented our house to just genuinely BAD PEOPLE she found on craigslist who have overstayed their welcome for 8+ months and have stopped paying my mom rent and theres nothing she can do about it. so ive been sleeping on a fold out couch for 8+ months at my dads. ive never stayed with him this long and clearly my stepmom doesnt like that because she literally gave us both the silent treatment for FIVE FUCKING MONTHS. and i guess she pitied us or started to feel lonely or sorry because of the holidays and my dad being sick so theyre better now but i am still very angry at her and want to leave as soon as possible. 

i literally had a mental breakdown at the dentist on tuesday. i guess the bottom filling and the huge needle in my face was the last straw (i have a bad fear of needles, ive had to be pinned down before at the doctors and cry almost every time im confronted with them). i couldnt stop crying but i went through with it and now ive had a fever since then so idk man. to take the edge off i started a free trial for netflix and started watching black mirror after watching a couple of eps at a friends house but no one said there were a lot of potentially triggering things in the show such as self harm and suicide so :-) ive stopped watching cus ive found myself having thoughts but yeah i love being rejected woooo its probably because im fat now gr8 i love it

[crazzy-chicken]

All of the NSFW Asks

Hey sorry for the late response i was kinda in a different country lol. But here you go now....1. Are looks important in a relationship? I'd say no, but at the same time, you're probably gonna date someone you're physically attracted to. 2. Are relationships ever worth it?Yes3. Are you a virgin?No4. Are you in a relationship?Nope5. Are you in love?I don't think so? Not really haha6. Are you single this year?Yes :P7. Can you commit to one person?I'd love to!8. Describe your crushThey cant be my crush if they're married right?9. Describe your perfect mateSomeone who rolls their eyes at my jokes with a smile on their face. Someone who will work with me when I fail in our relationship. Someone who believes in me. Someone who inspires me to do better. Really, someone too good for me :/10. Do you believe in love at first sight?Not true love; infatuation maybe. You have to really know a person to love them the right way.11. Do you ever want to get married?Yes12. Do you forgive betrayal?Yes13. Do you get jealous easily?Unfortunately, yes. Its something I've been trying to work on.14. Do you have a crush on anyone?I dont think i do anymore.15. Do you have any piercings?No16. Do you have any tattoos?No, I think17. Do you like kissing in public?Sure. I mean, I'll do like a peck but not making out20. Do you shower every day?Sometimes 2x21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?Probably not good ones lol22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?No23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?Done it already24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?It's a definite possibility25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?If I find a good one26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?I dont think in those words27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?Yeah!28. Have you ever been cheated on?Not confirmed29. Have you ever cheated on someone?Nope30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?No, but I'd like to change my smile31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?😭32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?Yes33. Have you ever had sex with a man?No34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?Yes35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?Yup!36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?That's usually how it happens rip37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?Not hated, but still disliked38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?I don't think so39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?Oh yeah...40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?Yeah41. Have you had sex so far this year?RIP42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?Depends where our relationship is, but generally I'd say 60s. 43. How long was your longest relationship?2.5 years44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?445. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?Probably 246. How many times did you have sex last year? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ you're testing my memory haha47. How old are you?22348. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?Externally: great! Internally: shit fuck godammi49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?N/A50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?Hesitantly.51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?Ye52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?Romantically, yes. Theyve demonstrated to me they want to destroy the things ive built53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?Nope.54. Is there someone you will never forget?A lot actually!55. Share a relationship story.I was with my gf at a time and place when I wasn't supposed to be, and someone came around, so she shoved me in the closet. I practically passed out holding my breath while she talked and sent them away. Then I had to quietly escape the premises. This happened many times haha56. State 8 facts about your body>My hair is usually soft and fun to play with (pls do)>>my peg tooth is hereditary>>>i have one super broken pinky and I dont remember why>>>>ive been told i have a lot of hair>>>>>I have an orions belt in freckles on my left arm>>>>>>brown eyes>>>>>>>my teeth have a gap such that I can whistle through them>>>>>>>>a fortune teller might read my future on my palms, but she could uncover my past on my left arm57. Things you want to say to an exHi, I'm doing well58. What are five ways to win your heart?Smile, understand puns (you don't have to like them), let me buy you dinner, talk to me, and finally fight me. (Wow it sounds like I've set the bar so low lmao)59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)💀60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?2.5 years61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?If they laugh at my bad jokes62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?I havent discovered that yet63. What is your definition of “having sex”?I guess it depends on the situation64. What is your definition of cheating?Doing something with another partner you know to be wrong65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?Making out, not that that's always foreplay but like I'm not picky66. What is your favourite roleplay?Never done any67. What is your idea of the perfect date?Pickup, a shared activity, go back to the house, have a couple of drinks on the couch, put on a movieand talk for a long time then maybe fall asleep in each other's arms.68. What is your sexual orientation?Straight69. What turns you off?Idiocy70. What turns you on?Brains71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?Its been a while, i don't remember haha72. What words do you like to hear during sex?Not necessarily words, but sounds of pleasure73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?Cuddle me when I'm depressed74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?My heart flutters for a nice smile...or maybe that's my arrhythmia lol75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?Put band aids on my cuts76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?That's other people's opinion77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?Lol uh that's situational. 78. What’s your dirtiest secret?I dont have too many secrets in the first place so I doubt any are dirty79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?When I realized i was like the only one out of my HS friends with student loans80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?My parents earlier this week81. Who are five people you find attractive?BoRa, Yerin, Eunha, Emma Watson, and somebody I actually know82. Who is the last person you hugged?My cousin that i saw in Korea83. Who was your first kiss with?Jk84. Why did your last relationship fail?When you have the answer I'll buy you dinner85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?Probably y