#i know it looks powdery that's just the brush i use + my inability to draw liquids

[angelanimedesaray]

Investment Part 3:  Olive Branches and Arrows

AN:  *Claps to underscore each word* This. Is. Not. A. Happy. Story. This. Is. A. Dark. And. Often. Heart. Wrenching. Story. You. Are. Here. To. Cry. Soooo...ya’ll still on board this angst train?  Good, good, cause I’ve got more for you XD XD (though despite the length I feel like this is still more of a connecting chapter basically laying a bit of groundwork down)  I’m enjoying writing my heavier, grittier story maybe a little too much, geez, I really am an evil author XD

Characters:  Levi, Reader, Erwin, Hange, Jean (Briefly), Armin (Briefly), Moblit (mentioned/briefly), Mikasa (Mentioned), Sasha (Mentioned), Christa/Historia (Mentioned), Many Unnammed OCs, a random OC named Sandy

Pairing:  Levi????x????Reader???? it feels weird tagging that right now...WHo’s tO sAY?!?

Warnings:  Heavy Angst, Language, Violence, Dangerous(Life or Death?) Situations, Injury, Trauma

Word Count:  19136  (Sweet merciful--what?!?! And I thought the first part was long)

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(Gif found on Gfycat, source: YouTube, digitalmeals)

*Reader’s POV*

It was quiet in the small room you had made your own, the rest of the house’s occupants fast asleep since dawn hadn’t even finished breaking above the walls yet.  A small oil lamp on the nightstand provided the light the sun wasn’t able to give yet as you stood in front of the mirror, fingers prodding gently at the spot on your collar you were sure was on its way to leaving a scar.  Most of the teeth imprints might eventually fade, but those four points where the pressure had been hardest, the teeth deepest…

Your finger brushed gently along those spots specifically, your mind instantly bringing back the feeling of teeth sunk deep in your flesh, the hand around your throat, your own repetitive but desperate pleas for Levi to stop ringing in your ears.

Pulling your hand swiftly away from your neck, you tried to shake the memory out of your head, or at least push it back to the darker corners of your mind.  Hands still trembling, you reached for the small tin of powdery makeup you’d bought to try and cover up the bite mark.  This shit was expensive, and not something that a soldier getting paid as little as you were should have been spending money on.  But if the bite was able to be seen even in passing under your collared shirts or the occasional casual shawl, you weren’t entirely sure it was one you could explain away--it was too deep to brush off as something kinky from a rough one-night stand.  Not to mention anyone that knew you would know claiming you’d even had a one night stand would be hard to believe on its own.  There had always been an excuse when it came to your romantic life: you were too busy, you didn’t feel like you had room in your life for someone else right now, there was no one you were interested in, the people you were interested in didn’t reciprocate the feelings.

Now the one person you’d started to care for had…

There was no point to dwell on that if you didn’t have to.  Getting too wrapped up in thoughts about what happened had gotten you into this precarious situation, and you needed to try and move past it.  That was the point of this entire indefinite leave of absence--to try and get your head on straight, or at least get it clear enough you could function properly again.

When Erwin had requested your presence in his office, you’d already known what it was about.  You weren’t sleeping, jumping at shadows, mind constantly being pulled under into shadowy memories and making it almost impossible to focus on the present, easily distracted, performance plummeting in training for a messy myriad of reasons, even your appearance worsened noticeably.  You couldn’t do your job on relaxed, out of the field days--if you were to go on a mission of any kind, especially an expedition, the way you were now, you would definitely be killed by something that could have been avoidable, and possibly take one or more fellow scouts with you.  Your inability to stop your situation from getting worse had forced Erwin to act, and doubtlessly he was about to ask about your state of mind formally and dismiss you if he felt it necessary.

Before he could even ask, before he could even speak, you’d asked for a leave of absence.  You didn’t know for how long, you couldn’t give him an estimate when he asked--you simply acknowledged you were working through something, and the look in his eyes told you that he knew exactly what that something was.

When only four people knew what was happening with Humanity’s Strongest, developments of any kind were bound to be known by everyone almost as soon as they happened.

Instead of being given an immediate dismissal, Erwin agreed to the leave, however long you needed within the usual limitation of no more than a year for leaves.  And when you were ready, you would inform him if you were stepping away from the Scouts permanently, or if you were going to try and show him you still possessed the psychological and emotional ability to stay.

Since you didn’t have anyone to turn to outside of the Scouts, Erwin had set up a place for you to stay: a rented out room in a small house amongst a family of three.  It was in the quiet part of town, and besides the young boy of the family constantly trying to get you to answer questions about the Scouts, you were left alone.  Perhaps they could tell you needed to work through some things--you’d tried very hard not to let your nightly routine of terror disturb the rest of the family--or perhaps Erwin had informed them when making the arrangements that you would need space and quiet.  Either way, it gave you plenty of time to simply work through what happened and try to figure out how you were supposed to move forward with your current situation.

The makeup now applied as well as you could, you got dressed in something more comfortable, wrapping a shawl around your shoulders high enough that it bunched around and covered your neck.  Sitting on the edge of the bed, you stared into your reflection in the mirror, letting your eyes unfocus as your mind drifted.

And you’d done a lot already.  It had taken a few days away from the Scouts and away from Levi for the fear to settle down enough you could start to think clearly again.  Now, you’d had time to think about what happened, to try and approach it logically instead of steeped in fear, to try and look at it from Levi’s perspective, from an outsider’s perspective, however you could to understand as much as possible.

The entire thing had been one of the stupidest things you could have done.  The idea alone had been a foolish death wish considering you had walked right into the most dangerous place within the walls looking for a hungry predator that lusted for the very kind of blood that ran through your veins.  Acting on it had almost gotten you killed, and then pushing Levi the way you had, both of you letting things boil to the point it reached…

You thought you might be able to understand why Levi had decided to do what he did.  From the very beginning, he’d been trying to protect you from himself.  It had always been about protecting you.  When he’d tried to scare you the first time--which he had, initially.  How could you not be scared when he’d suddenly rushed you with fangs bared and eyes aglow--he had given himself away because he didn’t immediately lunge for your neck like he had the night he’d almost drained you.  Plus, his eyes had been searching, probing, watching you for your reaction no matter how intent on your blood he’d been pretending to be.  Then there was simply the fact he’d just saved your life.  After it was initially clear he wasn’t in some kind of haze like the first time, it didn’t make sense for him to attack you.  Finally, as terrifying as the suddenness of the intimidating act had been, he’d been gentle, careful, not anything close to the rough, feral way he’d lost control and attacked you the first night

He’d wanted to scare you away, he’d grown as desperate to drive you away as you had turned desperate to get him to talk to you and let you help.  He’d pushed harder and harder the angrier he got, threatening and insulting, anything to try and push you away, and you’d simply pushed back.  In his mind, at least in that moment, it was the only thing he could still do to protect you.  In his mind, he must have decided that with how hard you were pushing back, he had to hurt you, to truly scare you, if he was going to make you leave him alone, so you’d finally be safe.

But that didn’t make it okay.  It didn’t excuse what he’d done to you, how far he’d gone.  As much as the knowledge of why could have been used to make things better, it also made it so much worse.  Because every bit of it had been intentional.  He’d done this to you intentionally.  Maybe he hadn’t intended for what he’d done to leave the scars it did.  Maybe he hadn’t intended for the pain and fear to run so deep you couldn’t stand the dark anymore, whether your eyes were open or shut.  Maybe he hadn’t intended for the trauma to cause you to spiral so rapidly on a path of pure self-destruction with heavy sabotage from your own mind.  But he had intended to scare and hurt you, to make you truly fear him.  The last thing that was, was okay.

Realizing your hands were shaking again, and a lot more noticeably, you clasped them together with fingers interlaced, pressing your lips against your thumbs and trying to take deep, calming breaths as the familiar pain welled in your chest.

You still couldn’t believe that Levi had intentionally hurt you like that to make you leave.  That he’d been able to bite and hold you harder and harder, to listen to you cry and beg to let you go, and then simply leave you.  After saving you from the gang that had almost killed you, he’d drank your blood and left you wounded, terrified, and alone in a strange part of the Underground, having to regain enough senses on your own to find your way back to the surface and Headquarters.  You’d accepted that it was possible for him to lose control and hurt you by accident because of this strange bloodlust he now had, that was just reality.  But what he’d done, knowingly, on purpose…

It cut deeper than you’d even known it could.  You hadn’t thought he was capable of that, no matter how desperate he’d been.

But as terrifying as all of this had been, as cutting and traumatizing and world shattering as it was, you had to get past it.  It was eating you alive, destroying what little of your life you still had to call your own.  The Scouts were all you really had, and it threatened to take even that from you.  If it took the Scouts, all that would be left to destroy and devour would be what little remained of you.  If laying down and accepting you were going to wither away into nothing wasn’t an option, then you had to find a way to get up and move on, to try and recover.

Your first step had been your leave of absence, so that you could process away from everything, try to come to terms with what happened, get your head on straight, and stitch yourself back together at least enough so you could return to active duty.

Returning was going to be one of the hardest parts.  Going back to being around Levi, of every corner you turned possibly having him on the other side, of inevitable meetings and training sessions and just basic day to day things causing the two of you to have to be in the same room...

But the hardest part wasn’t going to be visible.  The hardest part was going to be internal.

Could you forgive him?

Right now?  No.  You didn’t even see the glimmer of the possibility on the horizon.

But...because you could see why he’d done what he did, because you might have some kind of understanding about why it had happened, and because he’d been someone you’d cared about...you were willing to try and forgive him.  Maybe you would never be able to fully forgive him, but you wanted to at least try.  At the very least, you felt like you owed yourself that--owed yourself because you didn’t want to have to carry any more weight of the burden crushing your chest than you needed to, and forgiving him might help lighten it.  Owed yourself because you’d cared for him, one of the only things left in your life you’d given a damn about after everything you’d lost, and you were admittedly scared to lose anything else.

You wanted to at least attempt to forgive him, but before you opened that door, you needed something from him in return.  If he showed some kind of remorse for what he’d done to you, if he was willing to try and make it right, you could open yourself up to trying to forgive him.  If he was suffering even a fraction of what you were suffering because of his choice…

Your heart seemed to squeeze in your chest, lungs burning as you wiped away tears with the end of your shawl.  Perhaps that was part of what made this so much harder.  The few times you’d glimpsed him or had stopped to think about Levi--not what he’d become or what he’d done, just Levi--so many heavy emotions welled up inside you, bone deep and suffocating in their presence.  The pain and fear was guaranteed after what happened, but there was also grief for what happened between the two of you, for how real the possibility was that things between you were shattered and ground to dust beyond repair.  Every time you saw him, every time you even thought of him, those feelings rushed to the surface.

Yet despite everything, despite the strength of the pain, the fear, and the grief...you didn’t hate him.  You didn’t wish any kind of ill intent on him, didn’t want anything terrible to happen to him like being physically harmed, didn’t want him to be discovered, didn’t want to hear about him starving himself or anything like that.  Despite everything, hatred didn’t stir inside you like the rest of those feelings...never hatred.

Now, if you were going to attempt to forgive him, you needed to find a way to let him know that you were open to it.  You needed to find a way to extend the peace offering where he could see it.  With how far Levi was apparently willing to go to cut you out of his life to protect you, he clearly wasn’t the one who was going to reach out first.  You were the one who was going to have to set the groundwork for a reconciliation if the two of you found yourselves mutually desiring one.  Besides, maybe it was better that you would be the one to make the first move.  You were the one who’d been hurt so deeply, wronged so thoroughly.  Something felt...right, or at least a little comforting, about you being the one to decide if forgiveness was an option.  If he were to come to you about forgiveness, especially right now, you wouldn’t be able to accept it, wouldn’t be able to find it in yourself to make that first step.  But if you had the power to make it an option, if you chose whether it was even a choice, and if you got to choose when forgiveness was an option and when the first move was made...that felt secure.  That felt right.

So, when you were ready...you were going to go back to the Scouts, you were going to retake your life...and you were going to decide what you were going to do about Levi.

When you were ready.  For now...you just needed a little more time to feel steady ground beneath you again and heal.

*Levi’s POV*

He shouldn’t have said a damn word to her.

He hadn’t even entered the hall to Hange’s office yet when he smelled the freshly spilled blood, the familiar scent impossible to miss when it cut through the air and pulled at the constantly lurking bloodlust inside him.  Immediately his mind started trying to figure out what had happened, if he should even walk into her office if he could smell blood.  Had she dropped a beaker and cut herself?  Was someone injured and she was stitching them up?  Or was it intentional?

The last one was, unfortunately, the most likely.  He should have kept his mouth shut the other day.  He should have known if he’d mentioned it even in passing while giving Hange the usual report of whether or not his bloodlust was getting harder or easier to manage, and if there had been any changes in his feeding habits, she was going to try and experiment with it--it had been new information that made her eyes light up, as small as the bit of information had been.  In all this time, up until that very moment, Levi had neglected to mention any kind of distinct differences in the blood he drank.  But at the time, he’d still been dealing with the nasty, chemically aftertaste that came from drinking from someone who’d had unholy amounts of drugs rushing through their system, and when she’d asked why he ‘kept making that face,’ the comment had slipped out.

It seemed she’d decided a slightly riskier experiment was in order, if the scent was anything to go by.  It was only getting stronger the closer he came to the door…

And he could hear two heartbeats inside, not just one.

Reluctantly, Levi knocked on the door, trying not to breathe in through his nose, half-hoping Hange was going to tell him she needed time to clean up a mess instead of call him inside.

“Aha!  There he is, right on time,” Hange said in a rather chipper tone that let him know he could come inside, her normal speaking voice one Levi could hear clearly through the door.

Posture rigid and still avoiding breathing through his nose, Levi let himself in, gaze quickly flickering to take note that the other person in the room...was actually Erwin.

What was Hange planning that required Erwin to…

And then he noticed the fresh bandages on their arms, covering similar spots near their wrists.

Ah...that was what was happening.  His suspicions were correct, then.

Maybe he should just give a resounding ‘no’ and leave before Hange had the chance to pitch her experiment to him.

“What the hell, Hange?”  Levi did nothing to hold back his scowl, letting the woman know how displeased he was with the situation he was walking into.  Even trying to avoid smelling it, he knew it was in here, and knowing there was fresh blood so close to him was enough to make the lust for it start to boil inside him.

“I knew if I gave you a warning, I’d never get you in here,” she said dismissively, reaching over to pull two small cups into view on the table as she started to speak.  Levi’s gaze snapped right to them, the dark liquid inside unmistakable and causing the familiar ache in his teeth to return as he struggled to retain his composure.  “You mentioned a specific taste the other day, and it gave me too many theories to test all at once, but there is one important factor I can test right now that could help us start to figure out the rest!  Is there actually a different taste for different people, or is it all in your head?”

He could feel both of them watching him closely for his reaction, looking for every twitch and shift he made.  He’d been lucky he hadn’t been around any serious training injuries that involved a lot of blood, yet, so he didn’t have much experience with resisting fresh blood he could visibly see.  It was even harder than trying to tune out the temptation when he started to get hungry and was surrounded by people who could be another victim if he wasn’t careful.  He was finding it difficult to look away from the two cups Hange held in her hands so he could give her a proper glare.

“Levi?”

Levi closed his eyes at Hange’s voice so that he could turn his head away from the sight, jaw tight despite the ache in his teeth he now knew was his fangs wanting to break through.  “You should have given me a warning,” he said gruffly, hand reaching out to the nearest surface to give him something to grab to try and relieve some of the tension building inside him, as well as to steady himself.

He might have been able to ignore it if she hadn’t pulled the cups into his direct line of sight, just a few short paces away.  His mouth was starting to water at the thought of fresh, healthy blood that wasn’t drained from the dregs of the Underground--clean, undiseased, untampered blood, and without a trace of drugs or alcohol in them, too.

After a few moments of shuffling, he heard the cups set down on a surface on the other side of the room, giving him a little more distance and putting them out of his immediate sight once he opened his eyes.

“There, out of sight out of mind?” Hange asked, a bit of a sheepish smile on her face.  Levi only hummed--out of sight made it better, yes, but it was nowhere near out of mind.  “This is something we’re going to have to work on before our next expedition…” she added in a mumble.

“I’m assuming you have questions, first?” Levi interrupted, suddenly overcome with the urge to get this all over with as soon as possible.  He hadn’t expected Hange to be poking at some of his limitations today, and for all their sakes, he’d rather keep this brief.

“Right--before we move forward, I need you to describe the taste of the blood you’ve been drinking up until today, and any differences you’ve noticed between them,” Hange said with barely contained excited curiosity.  “You mentioned you recently were left with a chemical aftertaste?  You can start there.”

“I was tasting the drugs in his system more than anything else,” Levi muttered, nose still crinkling in distaste at the reminder.  He hadn’t fed since then, and needless to say, that particular hunt hadn’t been very satisfying.  Focusing on Hange’s question, Levi racked his brains to try and come up with descriptions of the blood he drank, something comparable that they could understand.  “There’s nothing special about what I drink down there.  It’s...thick, but flat, or like a watery tea.  I run into drunks, most.  Then, it’s...muddied.  When I go to the Underground, there’s always something off about it.  Tainted.”

None of them lived up to the high of his first time.  Maybe it was just because he was feeding off the scum of the earth, and they usually did have drugs or liquor in them.  It was still pleasurable, satisfying if he could find one that didn’t have something running through their system.  Recently, when he fed, he simply satisfied the base hunger.  None of it had managed to abate the desire though, not since…

“What about Y/N?”

Levi stiffened.  The silence in the room suddenly seemed passively hostile, even though he knew that part was in his head.

He’d been trying so hard not to think about her since she’d left, and here Hange was, forcing him into a situation where he had to think about her.  Even worse, he had to think specifically about the two times he’d hurt her the most in order to answer Hange’s question.

Trying to put Y/N out of his mind had gotten somehow...harder, after she left.  Probably because he knew that the sudden yawning absence was entirely his fault.  Before she left, he’d heard her every night, heard every time she’d woken from nightmares because of what he’d done to her, and he had been unable to do anything besides listen in silence to what he’d caused.  Then, one night...his mental lashing didn’t come.  Her cries didn’t cut through Headquarters to slice through his heart.  And when he went to her quarters to see if maybe she’d finally had a peaceful night of rest, he hadn’t been able to hear her breathing or her heartbeat.  There wasn’t a scent of blood or death, either, to support his mind jumping to the worst case scenario.  She was simply...gone.

Surprisingly, it hadn’t been Hange who told him Y/N had taken an indefinite leave of absence.  It had been Erwin who told Levi the very next day how much farther the repercussions of his actions had gone.  Erwin was the one to tell Levi she’d taken the leave to try and cope, and decide whether she would stay in the Scouts moving forward.  Erwin had been ready to dismiss her, noting her state had deteriorated to one that could cost herself and others their lives if she was to go out in the field, but she’d shown a sign of proactiveness, shown she was willing to at least try to get better.  This leave was her last chance to stay in the Scouts, and it was entirely likely she might not even come back from it if she couldn’t recover herself away from everything.

No...if he was being honest with himself, she’d left to get away from him.  She’d walked away from what she’d once told Levi herself was all she had left, she hadn’t been able to tell Erwin if she would even return.  Wherever she was, she was alone, she didn’t have anything, and it was because of him.  He’d never meant to take everything from her, but he had, in the end, hadn’t he?  If she couldn’t come back, if the demons he’d created were too strong for her to overcome, that’s how far he’d pushed her.

It had all spiraled so far out of his control...grown far beyond what he’d ever intended.  He hadn’t even done anything else to her beyond the one incident, but apparently it had been enough.  From the sounds of it, her mind had taken the one trauma, and pulled her deeper and deeper into a hole she couldn’t get out of.

“Levi, I need to know.  If there’s a difference in the blood you drink, it might answer some important questions about your diet and bloodlust.”

Levi pulled himself out of his pitiful thoughts and back to the present, reminding himself he wasn’t supposed to be thinking about all the damage he’d done to Y/N.  Right now, he needed to be thinking about what her blood had tasted like, even if he’d rather block out the memories.

Trying to muscle past the pain, Levi focused instead on the taste of her blood, what had made it so hard for him to stop both times--even if the first time was more because he’d been starving and near death.  The taste that his prey in the Underground could never live up to, a taste he now knew wasn’t in his head and distorted from desperate need.  Even when he’d freshly gorged himself on four different people from the Underground, it had been just as strong the second time, just as heady, intoxicating, pleasurable…

“Intoxicating,” he finally said out loud, trying to ignore the ache in his teeth as the focus of his thoughts brought his desire back to the front of his mind.  “Rich.  Like a favorite tea spiked with warm liquor.”

It felt weird describing different blood to Hange and Erwin like they were unique brands of tea or alcohol, but it was the only comparisons he was able to come up with that might be able to describe to them the effect the different blood had on him as well.

Hange was already nodding, the gears clearly turning in her mind.  “This is already looking good for some of my theories.  It could still be mental, though, so just to be sure…”

This time, when Hange brought out one of the cups, Levi was prepared, keeping his gaze fixed on Hange with great effort and purposely taking steady breaths to keep his composure.

“To test the theory just a little bit more, I want to know if any other blood tastes different to you.  Hence the cups,” Hange said, offering the first one to him.

Levi took the cup without hesitation, his grip strong and giving away how badly he wanted the blood, if his earlier reaction hadn’t been enough of a hint.  He only paused for a moment, a thought flashing through his mind as he felt both Hange and Erwin’s stares burning into him, and could hear them holding their breath.

Neither of them had seen how he...changed...yet.  They’d only seen the after-effects, the little things.  They’d never seen his fangs, the glow in his eyes, and just how completely the desire for blood could take over.  They were about to see it--a mild form of it, one that didn’t include biting into someone and ripping their throat out, but still.

The thought wasn’t enough to stop him, no matter how self-conscious it might make him feel.  Right now he had a cup of fresh, clean blood given to him willingly for the first time since he’d turned into...whatever he was, and he wasn’t about to let it go to waste.  The clawing need he’d been trying to push down wouldn’t let him.

The relief that seemed to wash over him when he finally tipped the cup back and felt the warm blood rush past his lips was unexpected.  It wasn’t as hot as when it was fresh from the vein, but it also had been sitting for a few minutes in the cup, so that was to be expected.  It was still...delicious.  Satisfying.  Enough that he had to push back a soft moan that tried to rise in his chest.  His fangs started to peek through, as if his body expected him to be sinking his teeth into flesh when it tasted blood.  He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed this kind of taste, considering the high of the blood he’d drank the first night had been all tangled up in his shame and panic, and the second time, he’d been inflicting emotional agony, both onto Y/N and himself--no part of him had enjoyed it that night.

But now he knew...and a small part of him dreaded what that would mean going forward.

The drink was over far too soon for his liking.  He kept his eyes closed, a soft, slightly shaking breath escaping him as the taste started to fade--and this time, it didn’t leave behind the aftertaste he’d been dealing with ever since he’d started feeding in the Underground.  He waited until he had his composure again, until the fangs retracted again and he felt his voice would be its usual, steady tone before he turned to look at Erwin and Hange again.

Hange’s eyes were wide, the red glow in Levi’s eyes flashing in the reflection of her glasses.  She was scrutinizing every inch of him, looking desperately for any other visible changes besides his eyes.  Her gaze kept wandering towards his lips, the look in her eyes telling him she was hoping to get a glimpse of his fangs.  Erwin...was as stoic as ever, but there was a glint in his eyes.  Levi was sure the other man was simply biding his time, waiting to figure out the extent of what had happened to Levi so they could use it to the Scout’s advantage...and seeing the physical proof of the change in Levi made it that much more real for him.

“So?  Did it taste any different?” Hange pressed, taking the cup from Levi and noting with less surprise than anyone else would have when she found it empty.

“Sweet.” Levi said simply, tongue swiping at a stray smear by the corner of his lips.  “With a bit of a...tang, to it.”

“Aw, Levi thinks I’m sweet,” Hange said with a smirk, prompting Levi to roll his eyes as she turned to grab the other cup.  “Aren’t you curious to know what yours is like?  Think you can top rich or sweet, Erwin?”

She was being way too lighthearted about all of this.  A part of Levi was unsettled knowing what they tasted like--when his hunger got particularly bad, would he find it harder to resist drinking from them?

He’d be protesting if he wasn’t enjoying having even a small taste of willingly given blood that truly satisfied him.  It would be short lived, so he was going to revel in it while he could.  In fact, this time, there was no hesitation as his fingers curled around the cup that Hange gave him, already pressing it against his lips and tilting the cup back before he could finish registering he was about to taste Erwin’s blood.

He shouldn’t have been so quick to get it down.

The taste, while good, hit him with a raw, potent strength that made him quickly pull back, trying to swallow before the cough burst through, the blood burning in a way that threatened to tip past pleasurable as it slipped down his throat.  It was overpowering, hard to get down, at least in large doses.  No drinking in large, bloodlust hazy gulps, then--it was more something to be sipped gradually, nursed like a strong liquor.

“Levi?” Hange asked in concern as Levi started to cough, holding up a finger to tell her to give him a second as he waited for the burn to abate enough he was comfortable with speaking again.

“Just...Really strong,” he said haltingly, voice holding a hoarse edge.  “Like a gin that kicks back.”

It was almost like a part of him was making it difficult because it didn’t like him drinking Erwin’s blood.  He couldn’t even focus much on the taste because the kickback overpowered it.  Though he definitely had a bit of a buzz humming through him once the burn passed.

“Has that ever happened before?” Hange asked curiously.  Levi simply shook his head.  He still had the cup firmly in hand, planning on trying to drink it with small sips a little at a time instead of the long pulls he was used to drinking with.

Hange looked back at Erwin.  “On the bright side, I don’t think you’ll ever have to worry too much about him ever biting you after that reaction.”

“You think so little of me?” Levi asked, his tone holding a bit of a biting edge as he spoke.

“Normally, no.  But recently...you’ve given us reason to worry.”

Levi’s attention landed firmly on the two people standing in front of him, gaze sliding from Hange’s suddenly serious demeanor and Erwin, who was now radiating a grim, firm aura.  The man was acting more like a silent observer right now, and it was starting to put Levi on edge.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Hange adjusted her glasses, taking a seat and scooting a little closer to where Levi stood with the cup of Erwin’s blood still in hand.  “I’m guessing that just now, you feel better than you have in weeks?  More comfortable, more...satiated?”

He still didn’t like where any of this seemed to be going, eyes narrowed.  “Get to the point.”

Hange placed a hand carefully on the table in front of her, near the journal she kept her discovered facts about Levi recorded.  “I’m supposed to be figuring out what’s happened to you, Levi.  Of course I’m going to notice when you start feeding more often--you’ve been going to the Underground more and more, which means your bloodlust isn’t being satisfied, not really.  Maybe the initial hunger, but not the desire, the important part--the dangerous part.  And instead of telling me how those urges are getting easier to control, it sounds like they’re getting harder.”

Levi’s gaze flickered to Erwin.  That was why he was here.  This was about Levi’s bloodlust getting worse, and if it was getting worse...that meant that the other Scouts were going to be in more and more danger the more Levi’s control spiraled.  Levi had been having...difficulties, lately, but he hadn’t felt like he was putting anyone in danger, not yet.  Though Hange was right he’d been going to the Underground more often, recently, his hunger returning faster than it had been the first few weeks.  And no, after he fed in the Underground, he wasn’t satisfied, not like he’d been that first time, not like he’d just been with that teasing taste of Hange’s blood.

Hange laced her fingers together thoughtfully in front of her face after Levi had a few moments to contemplate what she said.  “I haven’t been able to think of much that could help up until now.  We’ve tried a few things, but they only go so far.  But with this...I think your diet is a crucial factor towards keeping your bloodlust under control.  And right now, you’re not meeting those requirements.”  When Levi fixed her with a questioning look, Hange continued before he could interrupt her.  “I have never seen you as satisfied after feeding as you were just now.  Not even if you came straight to me after one of your soirees into the Underground.  And you only got a small cup--that wasn’t nearly as much as you’ve told me you usually drink.”

“I’m already drinking from people in the Underground--”

“But you’ve already explained how it’s not enough--you just described how its watered down, it leaves an aftertaste, it doesn’t even taste as good.  It sounds like you’re choosing to eat stale bread when there’s a perfectly prepared roast in front of you--”

Anger sparked inside him at the comparison.  “What am I supposed to do, Hange?  Grab someone off the streets?  Open a vein, drain them dry, and if somehow I don’t kill them when I lose control, hope they don’t run screaming what I am to everyone in the walls?”

“What you’re doing now doesn’t change the fact that I believe you need to make a dietary change if you’re going to adjust,” Hange’s return was just as blunt as Levi’s, her tone unusually firm.  “I think Y/N had the right idea, as much as you might not have liked it.  And before you bite my head off--I mean the part where you need to find people you can trust that are willing and able to let you feed off them regularly.”

Levi’s teeth clenched.  Part of him wanted to look away, but instead, he held Hange’s gaze with his own eyes harder and sharp as flint.  “When I feed, it...nearly...always ends with someone dead.”

“Then we’ll have to come up with a way for you to learn to control yourself when you’re feeding.  Because if your appetite keeps getting worse at the rate it has, if we can’t find another way to fix this, then soon you’re not going to have a choice.”

Now he looked away, gaze staring down into the dark liquid that swirled lazily in the cup in his hand.  He didn’t have anyone he trusted with this, no one that didn’t already know.  He wasn’t about to feed off of Erwin--and apparently Erwin’s blood wasn’t going to comply with that, either.  Hange was already spread thin, her experiments and research alone keeping her darting here and there and back and pulling late nights hunched over her desk trying to unravel the mysteries of not only Eren and the titans in general, but now Levi, as well.  He worried that drinking from her would be the last bit of strain that proved too much.

And Y/N was out of the question.

What else could he do, if he didn’t want to start grabbing innocent people off of the streets above ground?

He could drastically cut down his options when he went to the Underground to feed.  It was a start.  Maybe it would be enough.

“I’ll be more selective,” he said quietly, pausing to take a small sip from the cup.  It still burned on the way down, but not as strongly, and far more tolerable--pleasant, even.  The only thing that kept him from trying to immediately down more was how badly that had gone the first time.  “Figure out who has drugs or alcohol in them.  It should clean up my diet some.”

Right now, he didn’t have any other answers for how to fix this.  Not yet, anyway...but he would have to put some thought into it, if only so he didn’t end up losing control and hurting someone.

Again.

*Reader’s POV*

The stone walls of the Scout’s headquarters felt almost comforting in the familiar sense.  There was still something about them that put you on edge still, even after your break.  Maybe it was the knowledge that Levi was somewhere around here.  While you were on leave, you’d known he wasn’t anywhere near you.  Now, he could be just around the corner.

Especially since you were on your way to Hange’s office.

You had just returned, only returned long enough to give Erwin your decision to return before you’d made a beeline for Hange.  Even then, the meeting with Erwin had been overall brief, with Erwin mostly making sure you understood that you were going to be watched for some time, just to make sure you really were fit to return to the field.  Part of you, once you were out of that office, simply wanted to make a beeline to your quarters and settle back in, to try to make the room as warm and inviting as possible to try and sooth what remained of your fears.  But you knew you had to make a beeline for Hange’s and ask her now before you had enough time to come up with excuses, something you knew you would continue to do before giving up entirely.

You had to ask her now.

Outside her door, you still hesitated, hand hovering over the door, mind screaming that it was entirely possible Levi was on the other side of the door.

You might have been ready to return to the Scouts, but you weren’t quite ready to see Levi again.  You needed time to settle back in, and time to prepare yourself now that you were here and the fact that you were going to inevitably run into him again was that much more real.

But you needed this conversation before you saw Levi again, too.  So you would simply have to take the chance.

You finally knocked, making sure the sound was loud just in case Hange was sucked into something and her hearing was a little selective.

“C’min!” came Hange’s muffled voice, and you let yourself in, finding the door partially blocked by her shifted desk, but still able to open wide enough to let you inside.

You had no idea what the other woman was doing, but she had all sorts of notes scribbled and pinned in random places around the room in what you guessed was some kind of specific order, and Hange was stretching as far as she could to reach a pin so she could add the sheet she was barely keeping on the wall with her fingers, the pin she needed just out of reach.  Hange groaned in frustration, and without bothering to ask the what, you simply reached out and grabbed the pin for her, allowing Hange to stop trying to stretch beyond her abilities.

“Oh, thank--Y/N!”  Hange snapped the collection of notes and rough sketches on the sheet in place, then pulled you into a sudden and strong hug.  “You came back!  We weren’t sure you would!  How long have you been back?  Is it permanent?  You are back, right?  Moving in, not finishing moving out?”

“I’m here to stay, yes,” you said softly as she pulled back to bombard you with questions.  “I just finished talking to Commander Erwin, so I only just officially returned.”

“This isn’t the first place you came, is it?” Hange asked in surprise, which only grew when you nodded to confirm her thought.  “Why?  Don’t you need to get moved in?  And lunch should be coming up, soon--”

“Hange, it’s almost dinner.  It looks like Moblit brought you lunch, too, from the looks of that plate,” you said, gesturing to the half-eaten sandwich on her desk.

“Semantics--I wouldn’t think I’d be your first stop after returning!  I’d be more honored if I wasn’t so confused--why come here first?” Hange continued quickly, studying you with almost disconcertingly perceptive eyes.

You averted your gaze, choosing to look at the notes she had pinned all over the wall to try and figure out who she was studying--Eren or Levi--and what exactly had her so worked up when you walked in.  The rough sketch on the wall seemed to be of...Levi’s fangs.  Specifically several different iterations of what they looked like and what happened when they came out.  Was she working on his physiology, then?

“These aren’t right,” you said abruptly, carefully taking down the paper but leaving the pin in place so that it could be returned to its spot when you were done.  You brought the paper to her desk, flipping it over so you could sketch what you had in mind on the back.

It might sound like you were changing the subject, but you weren’t.  In reality, this was actually an easier transition into what you needed to talk about than anything you could have come up with.

As you spoke, you thought about the couple times you’d seen Levi’s fangs bared, trying to muscle past the fear you had felt in those moments, steadying your hand by grabbing it with your other hand when it started to shake, and putting the rest of your attention on trying to sketch out what you were talking about for Hange.

“There’s four fangs, not two.  They’re hard to see, but there’s two on the bottom--not as noticeable, but it makes...biting, and I suppose tearing, much easier.  And they might be thicker at the base, but they’re fine and sharp when they’re all the way out.  I doubt he could chip them or anything, though.  They’re probably as strong as he is.”  You waited until you had your rough sketch of four bared fangs for Hange to see, turning it towards her and pointing as you continued your explanation.  “I only saw it once, but I think...it’s a little hard to describe, but the original teeth don’t go away, it’s almost like the fangs grow rapidly out around them, and when they retract, they pull back into the gums.”

You left that sketch to Hange.

Hange was looking at you more than your sketch, despite the information you were giving her.  If you’d thought her gaze was intense and probing before, it was burning, now.  “I thought this was...too sensitive of a topic,” Hange said carefully.

In other words, Hange and Erwin knew how badly Levi had shaken you, and they were afraid to break you if they brought it up.  They weren’t entirely wrong.  It was painful to think about--your hand was still shaking, and both of you could see it.  Your heart was beating a little faster, breathing a little heavier, and not anywhere near in a good way.  It was incoming panic, but you were fighting to hold it back, fighting to steady your breathing and keep your composure.  This was something you had to do.

“I want to learn more about what’s happening, and help however I can,” you said carefully, drawing yourself up to your full height to make yourself look more confident about the decision.  Your shaky composure wasn’t helping, but this was something that you were intent on doing, despite how you might look right now.  “I’m hoping if I can...understand...and if I can find ways to help from a distance...it’ll help me, too.”

If you could understand what was happening to Levi more, if you were around it and knew as much as they did about what he was going through, you were hoping that the knowledge--and gradual exposure from a distance--would help you cope.  If you could understand it all, maybe you wouldn’t be so afraid.  The nightmares might still be a problem, but maybe you could soothe the daytime paranoia in the process.  And maybe, if you started working to help Levi from a distance...it would help lessen the fear of him.  Maybe you could nurture that desire to help back until it was strong enough to overcome the fear.  It was still there, you wanted to help him, even now, but at the moment, the fear was still too strong.  You were still afraid of even running into him in the hall--you were shaking just trying to describe his fangs to Hange.  So you would settle for starting from a distance.  Baby steps, little things, until you’d recovered enough of the pieces you were still picking up from the floor to feel confident enough to try the harder parts.

And if you could find ways to help him from a distance, maybe that could be the first olive branch between you two, the first peace offering he could see that told him you were open to a reconciliation in the future.

Hange’s gaze flickered to the hand you were still holding to keep it from shaking.  “Are you sure?”

You nodded.  “I’m sure.  I have to do this.”

“You don’t owe him--”

“I have to do this for me, Hange.”

At the very least...you had to do this for you.  If you managed to help Levi, too, then good.  But right now, you were learning so you could help yourself heal.  Helping Levi could be a main focus later when you were comfortable again.  Right now...Right now this was for you.  This was healing for you.

Hange took a seat, gesturing for you to take the seat beside her that was angled so it faced her.  There was a brief silence that lingered between you as Hange added notes and a few extra sketches for what you had described to her about Levi’s fangs.  Eventually, she finished, got up to pin the sheet back into place, and then turned to face you.

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything,” you said softly.  “And I’ll try to answer as many questions as I can.”

“I do have questions--believe me, I have plenty.  Levi won’t let us really...see him feed.  I only caught a brief glimpse of his top fangs the other day.  You’ve seen far, far more than me, and yes, you could probably answer some important questions I have.”  Hange’s expression was serious, eyes appearing to look straight through you.  “But they’ll be questions I’d rather you answer when you’re ready.”

“I’m ready now.”

Hange leaned forward, gaze sharp.  “You are, are you?  What did it feel like when he bit you?  Was it painful, and was there a difference with where he bit?  What did him drinking your blood feel like?  He’s always talking about the risk of him losing control, but only you’ve seen him do that.  Are there any warning signs?  Any features that appear?  What exactly happens when he loses control?  He says he blacks out, but what does it look like?”

Out of your control, you felt yourself starting to sweat, heartbeat picking up speed, rapid-fire images playing in your mind’s eye of Levi’s teeth sank deep into your neck and collar, your pleas, tears, Levi unyielding, outwardly unaffected--

Hange’s hand covered your own, pulling you out of your thoughts to give you a sympathetic look.  “Like I said, when you’re ready.  I’ll write them down, give them to you...and you can simply answer them whenever you like--whenever you can.  You’re the only one who’s seen Levi when he feeds, and he won’t let Erwin or myself see, so I’m going to have to settle for your accounts when you’re ready to give them.”

You nodded quickly, not trusting your voice to be steady if you tried to speak quite yet.

“Now, you said you wanted to know everything...anywhere in particular you want to start?”

You took a few deep breaths, steeled your resolve once more, and met Hange’s patient gaze head on.  “Start by telling me how much all of this has changed him.”

*Levi’s POV*

Someone should have warned him she was back.

It wasn’t a bad thing--quite the opposite, in fact--but if he’d known, he could have been on the lookout, he could have kept his distance for both their sakes.  Instead, because he hadn’t been aware, and hadn’t been seeking out the familiar sound and scent and had blocked them out with everything else, he ended up running right into her as she walked out of the office Levi was about to enter.

There was a tense silence between them as they both paused in shock, staring at one another.  Levi blinked, coming back to his senses.  When had Y/N returned from her leave?  How long had it been since he’d seen her?  Over a month since her leave?  Even longer since he’d scarred her so terribly?

He felt a slew of things he wanted to say rising up in his chest.  She’d been in so much pain the last time he’d heard her, enough pain that he inflicted that she’d been driven away, he had been so sure that he’d taken everything from her.  Seeing her in front of him sent a rush of relief through him, relief that he hadn’t taken everything from her if she was still here, relief that she’d come back, that she was still in the Scouts.  How long had she been back--when had she come back?  Surely she wasn’t better, so how was she, really?

Something inside him seemed to reach out, lips parting with the start of what he wanted to say on the edge of being spoken into existence.

Then the sound of a heartbeat doubling, perhaps tripling in its pace reached his ears.  Her breathing stopped as she trembled, feet trying to bring her a few steps away even if it was only two steps to the side she could currently manage.  Fear flashed bright in her eyes, slapping down the brief feeling to reach out as he quickly retreated back into himself.

Idiot.

Hopefully, before his eyes could give him away, Levi shut himself off again, expression blank as he stepped aside so she could get away from him faster, so she wouldn’t have to be anywhere close to him.

He’d wanted to cut her out of his life, and he’d succeeded in making her fear and hate him.  After all this...there was no place for any words of concern or relief, not from him.  It wouldn’t be anything she wanted to hear from him ever again.

She bolted as soon as she had the space in the hall to do so, her pace just shy of a sprint as he listened to her footsteps fade behind him.  Hange was standing just inside her office, an awkward silence filling the space between them as Hange’s gaze bore into him.  He didn’t look at her, though.  He made himself keep walking, to keep going down the hall and pass Hange’s office instead of going inside, as if he hadn’t been intending to go see her in the first place.

Right now, he didn’t want to see anyone.

Not long after Y/N returned, Levi started to notice things.

He didn’t see her, not at first.  She managed to always be somewhere else, or to have just left.  Part of that avoidance might have been his doing, with Levi going out of his way not to bump into her again and cause a panic attack, checking rooms before he entered them, staying as aware of his surroundings as he could without getting overwhelmed by all the sounds and smells.  But even though he didn’t see Y/N in person, he could see little signs of her presence.

At first, he didn’t think anything of new homemade curtains appearing on some of the windows.  He did start noticing them, though, when they gradually appeared on all the windows, and he found out they were thick enough they could block out the sun and stop the irritating, burning itch if he couldn’t stand it any longer.

Then, while he was supervising the cadet training one day, he’d caught a whiff of the scent of tea leaves carried by the breeze.  Looking around, he couldn’t see anyone other than the cadets, and all of them were too busy to be drinking tea.  Not to mention, it was specifically tea leaves before they were brewed--the subtle difference in scent was a lot easier for him to pick up on now.  Curiosity made him try to find the source, the scent leading him to the edge of the woods, and to one tree in particular.  Reaching into the hollow space in its trunk, he found a small tin with a small wrap of the tea leaves he’d been smelling on top.  Like some kind of lure--and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.  Inside the tin were a few tea biscuits wrapped together, a few crusts of bread--the kinds of things that wouldn’t spoil if they were wrapped up inside the tin in the shade for a few days.  He couldn’t help but wonder if he was supposed to find the stash, or if one of the cadets--Sasha came to mind--had gotten crafty with stashing snacks.

The stash on the training grounds wasn’t the only one he found, though.  He kept finding the same kind of snack tins in places he frequented--aside from his own quarters and office--with little bundles of tea leaves on top to help him find them through smell.

And for a while, he couldn’t figure out where the hell these little stashes were coming from, or who had put up the curtains.

Until the day him and Y/N were finally in a room together.  It was brief, and Y/N had kept to the other side of the mess hall despite all of the people she usually sat with on the side of the room near Levi.  But once she’d spotted Levi, her first reaction besides looking away had been to draw the curtains.

Then it clicked.

She’d made or bought the curtains, she’d put them up on the windows for moments like this, when they were in the same room together.  She must have been the one to put together the tins, too, and if she had been the one to put together the tins, then he knew why she’d done it, too.  Hange had him try to go a few days without eating, and the result had been discomfort on Levi’s end as they’d found out he didn’t actually need to eat--he only needed blood.  Eating was more of a ritual, something that made him appear to still be like everyone else, and, more importantly--something else they had discovered--it helped to keep his bloodlust under control.  The tins weren’t motherly little care packages, the curtains weren’t simple thoughtful gestures.  She was trying to keep him pacified, to keep him as undisturbed as possible out of fear.  If he had something to abate his bloodlust, if the sun wasn’t irritating him as much, then he was less likely to hurt her again.

It made him squirm, put a sick feeling in his stomach.  It had been better when he hadn’t seen her, when he’d known the pain was there but it was still distant.  Now, to see that fear of being hurt again, so close, even in the tiny details he couldn't escape.  It hurt more to see these small gestures born out of that fear.  As if hearing her cries at night again--a clear sign she still was far from all right even if she could function fine during the day--was not painful enough, as if seeing the fear in her eyes when he was remotely near wasn’t already difficult, as if he hadn’t already hated himself for what his choice had brought her.

Part of him wanted to try and say something to her, to somehow lessen the pain, to tell her she didn’t need to pacify him...but he feared he’d only hurt her more.  He didn’t have the words to even start to try, and she clearly wanted him as far from her as possible.

Once again, he’d gotten what he wanted when he’d pushed her--she was finally staying away from him, now.  He’d just never thought it would be this painful for both of them.

Levi straightened from his thoughtful spot leaning against the desk as his office door opened, once more letting in the one person who didn’t bother to knock when coming into Levi’s office.

“You and I need to talk,” Erwin said as he shut the door behind him.

“What is it this time?” Levi asked, eyeing the two cups of freshly brewed tea Erwin was carrying.  If Erwin was bringing tea with him, then he intended for this conversation to take a while.  He might even be trying to bribe Levi to good behavior.

Erwin set the tea down on the desk between the two of them, fixing Levi with a firm stare.  “It’s about you.  Particularly, where your head is, currently.”

Not at all a good start to this conversation.

“You’re checking in on my wellness?  Making sure I’m of sound mind?” Levi asked, a biting edge in his voice.  “I’m fine.”

“That’s not what I’m asking,” Erwin returned patiently, taking a seat in front of Levi’s desk.  Levi was still leaning against the side of the desk, watching Erwin closely with his eyes narrowed.  “For the first time, you’re not entirely here, are you?  Now, there’s the obvious, for what could be distracting you, and it’s a valid reason...but I think there’s more than that.  I think there’s something you’re starting to want more than anything that’s involved with our fight against the Titans.”

“I’m not abandoning this fight, if that’s what you’re suggesting.”  Levi cut Erwin off before he could even suggest the notion, voice as sharp as his fangs.

The slightest smile quirked the corner of Erwin’s lips up, his head inclining slightly towards Levi.  “That’s good to hear, but I still have some rather important questions.”

Levi finally reached for the tea Erwin brought with him, gaze still fixated on Erwin as he tried to figure out what the other man was getting at.

“That doesn’t change the fact that you’re distracted by something other than what’s been going on with Y/N.  I want to know where your head is at, and more specifically…” Erwin leaned forward, tone hard and laced with that intense drive and purpose that had caught Levi’s attention in the first place when he really joined the Scouts.  “What is it that you want, now?”

Levi hid most of his thoughtful reaction behind the rim of the teacup, eyes unfocused and mind distant as he mulled over Erwin’s question.  He was distracted--he had every right to be, between everything happening to him and the tension between himself and Y/N, but something else, something deeper, something he wanted?  That wasn’t where his mind had been, necessarily, but maybe Erwin had caught something before Levi even realized it himself.  He was trying to use the momentary pause to do a bit of soul searching, to try and figure out what Erwin had noticed, hiding the action by finally taking a drink of the tea during the pause.

All other thoughts were immediately halted after the first reflexive swallow of his tea.  It burned all the way down, far more than a simple it’s too hot kind of burn.  This was acidic, like it was eroding his mouth, throat, and chest, a soft sizzle and a light steam curling off his lips as Levi erupted into pained coughs and gasps.  A weakness started to spread through him as quickly as the burn, causing his doubled over posture to turn into a crumple as his legs lost the strength to support him.

If it wasn’t for Erwin’s reflexes, Levi would have hit the floor.  The man had been on his feet the moment Levi reacted negatively, and had caught him when he’d started to collapse.  The cup had fallen to the floor, spilling its burning contents all over as Levi clutched at his throat, mind trying to figure out what the hell was happening to him.  Erwin’s alarmed voice asked if the tea had been somehow poisoned before immediately shooting down the thought himself, because Erwin had made it himself.

“Water.”  Levi’s voice was hoarse, raspy, a shadow of the pain he felt reflected in it.  Erwin left Levi’s side to grab the pitcher of water behind Levi’s desk, leaving Levi to sink to the floor and try to endure the burn.  His hand reached out to try and steady him as the strength continued to drain out of him, his palm connecting with the spilled tea on the floor as Erwin came back around the desk with water.

“Shit!”  There was a much louder sizzling sound and a far more noticeable stream of steam when his skin connected with the tea, and when he yanked his hand away, the skin was red and had even blistered.  Cradling his burned hand towards his gut, Levi reached out for the glass of water Erwin was holding out for him with his other hand, draining the majority of it to try and sooth the burn, and using the last gulp to rinse out any lingering trace of whatever was in his tea that had caused the reaction.

While Levi was doing that, Erwin crouched down next to him, reaching out to carefully brush his fingertips along the spill.  Unlike with Levi, nothing happened--no burn, no sizzle, no steam.  There was only the slight glisten on his fingertips of the few drops of tea that had clung to his fingers.  Erwin rubbed the liquid away thoughtfully while Levi watched, pulling his hand away from his midriff to show that, despite Levi’s rapid healing, the skin was still an angry red and slightly blistered.

This wasn’t a poison or anything like that--this was another side effect of what had happened to him.

“What kind of tea was that?” Levi asked, voice still strained.

Erwin looked from where the tea had been on his fingertips to Levi’s burned hand, expression both concerned and thoughtful.

“White sage.”

*Reader’s POV*

By some miracle, you’d managed to find a comfortable routine to help ease you back into the Scouts, and, more specifically, helped you re-adjust to being around Levi once again.

You did try your damndest to stay away from him at first, mostly because you just weren’t ready to see him yet.  The run in you’d had with him outside Hange’s office had been terrifying, your body reacting before your mind could catch up and try to speak reason.  Your eyes may have seen how his shoulders pulled back slightly, how he froze in place once you’d seen each other, how for the briefest moment he’d looked like he was going to say something to you before his entire demeanor shifted again to cold and closed off, and he’d stepped aside.  While your eyes had seen it all, your mind had been too busy screaming danger at you and trying to get your instincts to stir you into running away, and your mind and instincts had won out against what your eyes could see.

After that, you didn’t run into Levi at all.  Probably because it was easier to avoid someone if you were both actively avoiding each other.  Thankfully, it gave you the time you needed to learn, to try and understand, to sooth the fear that had taken hold.  Hange had quite a bit of information to give you, some of which had been extremely thought provoking about the entire situation between yourself and Levi, and others which had given you the perfect ideas to start trying to help him from a distance, to push small peace offerings his way.

They had, in fact, found something that somewhat helped his bloodlust.  Apparently, Levi didn’t need to eat or drink, but doing so could help cool down that lust for blood and make it a little more manageable.  Knowing he was still overseeing the cadets on the training grounds from time to time, you’d decided it might help--at least a little--if there was something nearby that he could turn towards to try and soothe the craving if someone ended up bleeding during training.  It wouldn’t be as effective as blood itself was, but it was better than nothing.

You’d even placed a small bundle of tea leaves atop the tin, using your knowledge from Hange about just how heightened his senses were to provide a way for him to find your little emergency stash.  You weren’t exactly comfortable going up to him and telling him about it, so you settled for simply giving him a way to find it.  You’d even used the same kind of tea leaves when you’d gotten the idea to make a few other secretive stashes just for him hidden around Headquarters, trying to pick spots he was in frequently that he could potentially find himself in a position that made him struggle with his bloodlust.

The bit about sunlight irritating him like a burning itch had been news to you--even if you’d seen him irritated out in the sunlight, you would have simply assumed some of the cadets were getting on his nerves, or that he was particularly disgruntled with everything going on.  Still, that had been something you could easily help with from a distance as well, putting aside some of your free time to learn how to make some simple, heavy curtains that you could put up on the windows around the castle.  It had also been a nice side project to help keep yourself occupied.  And, knowing sunlight was an irritant, when you started to catch glimpses of him in the mess hall or the library, in any shared space that you were bound to see each other in at some point, you’d almost subconsciously reach for the curtain to pull it closed, trying to make it a little less prominent for Levi’s sake.

But those were just the little things.  The big things were something you mulled over frequently.

Such as your discovery of how his emotions (and personality) had been amplified ever since he’d changed, and how he was still trying to figure out how to balance and control them.  It almost explained his attitude towards you since that first night.  You’d known that he was afraid to hurt you again if you stayed in his life, and you’d known he had been--understandably--angry when you’d followed him down into the Underground, when you’d argued with him.  But knowing this changed things.  Fear turned to terror, so he hadn’t simply been afraid of hurting you again, he’d been terrified he would.  Anger turned to rage, to fury.  And you kept pushing and pushing him harder and harder.  Had he even been thinking straight that night?  Had he been in full control of himself, really?

Pain turned to agony.

What would guilt turn into?

Devastation?

That discovery...that one had stuck with you.  It was something you thought about every time you caught a glimpse of him, usually as he left a room you’d just entered.

One of the biggest helps for you, though, had been the recent discovery of white sage, and Hange’s prompt, quick thinking that resulted in a gift specifically for you.  On your wrist you now wore simple, woven bracelet, day and night--never once did you take it off.  Twine made from white sage plant fibers made up the majority of the surprisingly sturdy bracelet.  Apparently, Hange had enlisted the help of Christa, Sasha, and Mikasa to make it, claiming that it was a feel better, welcome back gift for you.  It wasn’t really a lie, either.  When Hange gifted it to you, she’d explained how recently, Levi and Erwin had found out white sage acted as a sort of poison, that it burned when Levi came into contact with it.  Hange suggested that you think of it as peace of mind, a bit of protection against the possibility of Levi ever biting you again.  The little bracelet, despite how flimsy or fragile it may appear, was a small assurance of some kind of security, and it helped soothe the fears that your mind came up with in the dark at night.  More than once, you’d started to fall asleep with your other hand lightly touching the bracelet, to assure yourself it was there, that you could use it to protect yourself if the red eyes materialized from the darkness.

Speaking of a feel better gift, it had become painfully obvious that even those who didn’t know about Levi, knew that something was going on with you.  The sudden leave had probably been a good indicator considering you didn’t have anyone you would need to visit or leave for, but the fact that Christa, Sasha, and Mikasa hadn’t questioned a feel better gift was your first sign your current state was rather public knowledge.  You even had another scout that had been giving you a lot of help recently, probably deciding to try and help ease your load after hearing whatever happened to you had resulted in you taking a personal leave.  Sandy was always nearby if you needed help, probably keeping an eye on you to make sure you were okay, that you didn’t need anything.

You appreciated the help, even if the realization that almost everyone knew you were not okay was not something that sat well with you.

Well...at least everyone was too preoccupied trying to figure out what was happening with you to notice anything odd that might be happening with Levi.  Though that also meant that you had to be a little more careful when you went to make sure the tin boxes you hid for Levi stayed stocked with fresh food, changing out anything going stale.

The first time you’d gone to check the tin boxes, you would have been worried he hadn’t even found them if it hadn’t been for the fact that the tea leaves you’d put on top were gone.  At first, he didn’t seem to be using it, and you debated giving up on the little stashes.  But after a while, you had noticed that a crust of bread or one of the tea biscuits would be gone when you went to check the boxes.  He was using them.  Not often--which overall was a good thing--but he was using them.  So you kept making sure that the tin boxes stayed full, and the food inside stayed fresh.

Considering some people were actively watching you out of concern, you had to make the trips later and later at night in order to avoid drawing attention to the tins meant only for Levi.  God-forbid Sasha found one of these stashes.

That was what you were doing right now, a small collection of tea biscuits and a few crusts of bread wrapped and tucked safely away as you crept quietly through the halls, unable to bring yourself to stick to the shadows, but still trying to stay relatively out of sight as you headed towards the training grounds, first.  It was the only place you didn’t have an excuse readily available if someone caught you sneaking around, so you usually tried to get this checkpoint done as quickly as possible.

A few halls and turns away from the back exit you were hoping to take, you suddenly felt hands around your arm, pulling you roughly into one of the unused offices and shutting the door sharply behind you.  It was dark inside, a single oil lamp kept relatively dim on the desk not giving you enough light to see whoever had pulled you inside and was now in the shadows.  That was all you had time to register about your surroundings before the figure was lunging at you, almost the image of your nightmares personified without the fangs and eyes.  Though the eyes and fangs were missing from the nightmarish image, there was a flash of something sharp headed your way as it caught the light, and you reacted instinctively, still trying to figure out what was happening as your heart rate picked up speed.

They had to come closer into the light to attack you, and you were able to make out the glint of equipped ODM gear, a drawn Scouts cloak hood, one slender hand reaching out for you again while the other came in fast with what looked like a needle.  Your hand was already moving to disarm the hand that held the needle, since that was what you had seen glint in the dim light, both hands latching onto the offending arm as you tried to knock the needle away, the other hand of your attacking latching onto your hair to try and steer you where they wanted you.

“Ah-Ow--What the hell!” you tried to shout, most of your cry muffled by the sound of your scuffle as you managed to knock the syringe to the ground where it shattered and seeped into the thick, large, centerpiece rug, but found yourself shoved back into the desk in the process.  They’re other hand was reaching for the blades on their gear, a motion you immediately reached out to stop as you were bent backwards over the desk.  Your attacker’s face was finally luminated under the hood by the awkward angle, just long enough for you to see that it was Sandy, the girl who had been helping you so much recently.

She was still trying to draw her blade with her other hand tangled in your hair, and before you could stop and think, you grabbed onto the back of her neck, pulled her close, threw your body weight backwards over the desk, and sent you both careening across its surface and over the other edge.  The shattering of glass and a familiar fwoosh sound reminded you there had been an oil lamp on that desk, one that, judging by the sound and the sudden growing light in the room, had fallen onto the rug and sparked a fire.

Sandy didn’t seem to care much about the fire as both of you landed on the ground behind the desk.  You tried to scramble to your feet to either bolt for the door or put out the fire, you weren’t entirely sure yet.  It ended up not mattering, because Sandy tackled you to the ground again, the sound of the ODM gear clattering against the floor a little louder than your yelp as she tried to pin you down.  You fought back, knees pulled up to keep as much of her at a distance as you could while one of her hands grappled for your throat, the other reaching under her cloak, most likely towards her weapons again.

“Get...off!” you grunted, using your knees to vault her over you and towards the fire that was still behind both of you.  As she rolled back to her feet, you turned, taking in the sight of the fire that had already rapidly spread across the rug and was trying to devour some of the furniture in the room, now.  If you wasted any more time on this fight, you were going to be trapped in here.

As Sandy popped back up onto her feet, she pulled what she had been reaching for out from under her cloak, but it wasn’t the blades from her ODM gear.  It was a bundle of plants you couldn’t quite make out in the darkness, a slight shine to them in the light of the growing fire suggesting they were coated in oil, but she was holding it like a weapon.  What, was it poisonous?  What was she planning on doing with that?

Sandy grabbed at you again, holding onto your collar with one hand, bundle of plants in the other, pushing you back against the desk once more.  She let go of the plants, tossing them into the rapidly spreading fire.

Several things happened at once.

A thick, fragrant smoke starting to billow and fill the room as the oily bundle was swallowed by flames.

Sandy tried to push you closer to the flames and smoke, close enough the smoke made you start coughing.

The door to the room burst open to reveal the familiar silhouette of Levi, who was already rushing into the room at the sight of flames and you bent over a desk by a hooded figure.

He made it halfway across the room before passing through a cloud of smoke that had an instant effect on him.  In a split moment, Levi went from charging in to break up the fight and drag them both out of the on-fire room, to on one knee, hand at his throat, coughing violently between gasps for air, his skin starting to redden and blister.

The bundle of plants...it was white sage.  She threw white sage into the fire!

Sandy knew about--

The other scout’s grip slackened on your collar as she saw Levi’s visceral reaction to the white sage-laced smoke, realization and shock dawning on her face.  There was a tense moment, a pause between the two women who were watching as Levi tried to pull himself to his feet away from the smoke that had rapidly started to fill the room.  There wasn’t anywhere he could go now except out, but considering he’d sunk to his knees, he might already lack the strength to stand, especially with such a large amount of white sage being pumped into his system with every breath.

Sandy let go of you completely, her interest in you vanishing entirely as Levi continued to collapse.  Instead, she turned towards Levi, her hands already reaching to start to draw her blades, steps quickening to close the distance between herself and Levi--

“No!”

You didn’t think about what you were doing, you simply did it, throwing yourself at Sandy and tackling her to the ground, hands clawing at hers to try and pry one of the blades out of her grip, pinning her to the ground with yourself between her and Levi, Sandy angled close to the fire.

Sandy tried to jerk her blades aside with enough force to either pull free or embed the edge of her blade into your side, forcing you to use both your hands to keep her restrained as your eyes sought for a way to end this fight quickly.  As you and Sandy struggled back and forth over her blades, your fingers starting to draw blood from her hands, you heard Levi's coughs and gasps behind you dwindle towards a disturbing silence.  If this white sage stuff was poisonous to him, could it kill him in large doses?

The thought spurred you to more desperate action, leaning down to bite at the wrist closest to you, eliciting a scream from Sandy.  She tried to jerk away, but only succeeded in pulling her hand away from your mouth and into the fire--which earned an even louder scream.

Behind you, Levi went entirely silent.

You pinned her hand down by the arm, forcing it to stay in the flames until she let go of the blade.  Ignoring her louder screams, you waited until she finally let go before you released her arm, grabbed the cable it was connected to, pulled it from the flames, and smashed the handle into the side of her head as hard as you could while she was busy cradling her severely burned hand.  You cried out at the pain of the scorching hot metal along the way, forcing yourself to hold onto it long enough to knock Sandy out before instantly dropping it and backing away.  You looked back, dragging Sandy a little further from the flames by the leg as you staggered over towards Levi's prone form.  It was getting harder to breathe with all the smoke in the room, sweat making your hands slick as you rolled him over to try and see what state he was in.

Every inch of his exposed skin was red and blistered, and he was unconscious--either because of the pain or the sage itself, you couldn't tell.  The room might have been on fire, your lungs burning as you struggled to breathe between increasingly frequent coughs, a light headedness starting to sink in, and Sandy clearly knowing something about what had happened to Levi, but your first priority, in that moment, was to get Levi out of this room.  Even if you could only save one, and Sandy somehow had information about what Levi was, he was the priority.  He was the one you cared about what happened to him, and this smoke was poisonous to him.

Winding your arms under his and around his chest, you lifted, the task made more difficult by his unconscious dead weight.  Unconscious, but alive.  Hopefully.  You hadn't checked yet, and you didn't think you were going to have the time to check with how fast that fire was growing.  Right now you were focused on dragging him little by little out of the room and out into the hall, your bracelet causing another burn and trail of steam as it pressed into him thanks to your grip, but he didn’t react, still out cold.  At least now you knew for a fact that your bracelet worked.  You didn't stop after you'd passed the doorway, but kept going, trying to get far enough the smoke wasn't as thick, and he might be able to start to recover.  Several doors down you finally set Levi down, covering him with your cloak just in case before rushing back to the room to see if you could get Sandy out of there, sucking in the fresh air while you still could.

The flames were higher as you reached the doorway, the smoke rolling out into the hall, thick and cloying.  There was still a thin path in, but it wouldn't be there for long.  Covering your mouth and nose with your arm, you plunged back inside, squinting against the flames and smoke as you leapt from open space to open space, retracing your steps to where you'd left Sandy.

She was on fire.  Partially, just the arm and leg on one side so far, but still on fire as the flames tried to take over the section of the room you'd left her in.  You yanked her away from the main flames, ripping off her cloak and using it to beat the flames on her arm and leg out, coughing the whole time.

She's not worth dying over, remember that.  But I at least have to try and get her out, in case she does have information, you told yourself as you grabbed the other woman, preparing to attempt to carry her out as well.  You tried to pick her up and sling her over your shoulders, knowing your path wasn't wide enough to drag her like you had Levi, so you were going to have to expend some of your strength to get her out.  Once you were sure you wouldn't drop her, you started forwards, trying to avoid the flames and tolerate the smoke long enough to pass the threshold.  One step and three coughs at a time, slowly but surely…

By the time you reached the hall, you practically collapsed, dumping Sandy carelessly onto the ground as you doubled over, body wracked by the violent coughs from your smoke-filled lungs.

You couldn't stop here--you needed to get help. The building was on fire, and it was too big of a fire for you to try and put out on your own, especially with the state you were in, now.

Fast approaching footsteps drew your attention towards the end of the hall opposite the side you'd dragged Levi down, a few of the male cadets who roomed on the ground floor--including Jean and Armin--appearing around the corner.

Ah, so the smell of smoke was spreading…or the sounds of a fight in a silent headquarters in the middle of the night had caused a few people other than Levi to stir.  Good, because you didn't think you had the energy to try finding people right now.

Before anyone could ask any questions, you started giving out orders.

"The room's on fire.  Armin--find Commander Erwin and Hange, I'm gonna need them, and they need to know what happened.  Jean, get her out of here, but be careful--she's probably gonna be arrested," you said between gasps and coughs, nudging Sandy with your boot to indicate who you meant for Jean to take care of.  Armin was already racing down the hall, glancing curiously at the prone figure covered by your cloak but wasting no time to investigate considering the urgency of the situation.  "The rest of you, we need people and water, fast.  Start waking people up.  Have some people at the well filling buckets and others running them inside--those flames are moving quickly and we need to get this fire under control before it spreads any further."

Jean rushed forward to grab Sandy off the ground and carry her away, the other cadets scattering to do as you'd told them to while you shuffled down the hall back towards Levi.  He wasn’t moving, not even the slightest rise and fall of his chest, and you were starting to fear that you might have been too late.

Once you’d made it to his side, you slid down the wall, reaching out to gently pull back the cloak you’d thrown over him so you could get a good look at him.  You only did it enough so you could see, not wanting any potential passersby that wasn’t Hange or Erwin to see him like this.

His skin was still blistered and red, though you thought it seemed to be slowly fading away, like he’d simply stuck his arm in a too-hot bath and had just pulled it out.  It was almost too slight to notice, though, and you worried how long it might take for him to recover.

The adrenaline of the fight was starting to fade, but your heartbeat quickened again now that you were alone in the hall with Levi, even if he was unconscious.  There was a slight tremble in your hands as the fear tried to creep up again, but you ruthlessly pushed it aside, drawing on the knowledge that your bracelet worked, his current state, and the fact he was like this because he’d charged right in to help you without knowing about the sage as a cool rational that you had no reason to be afraid.

Your fingers gently pressed against his throat, feeling for a pulse...and finding none.  You tried again, thinking that maybe you just weren’t feeling in the right spot, that you hadn’t pressed hard enough.

Still nothing.

Starting to feel an entirely new kind of fear rush through you, you drew closer, feeling anywhere you could think to try and find a heartbeat, but you couldn’t find anything.

“No, no, no, no, don’t be dead, you can’t be dead, ‘specially not like this,” you murmured, hands pulling him a little closer as you tried to figure out what you were supposed to do next.  CPR?  You’d have to drag him into one of the other rooms in case it worked so no one would notice Captain Levi covered in burns and blisters tonight but perfectly fine, say, the next morning--

The burns.

Your panic stilled for a second, logic kicking in once more as your hand gently moved across one of the nastier burns on his cheek.  The red skin around it had faded to an irritated pink, and the burn looked a degree milder than when you’d pulled him out of the room initially.

They were still healing.  Who knew how long his pulse had been missing, and yet, he was still healing.  If he wasn’t still alive in some sense, wouldn’t the healing have stopped?  How did all this work?  There was still plenty you didn’t know about what happened to Levi--that none of you knew.

“Y/N!”

You looked up at the welcome voice, dropping the cloak back over Levi instinctually before anyone else could see on instinct.  Thankfully, at the moment, it was just Hange approaching you, Moblit rushing past to help put out the fire with the other cadets.  Reality snapped back to its full pace around you to make you realize that there were people running around in the halls, mostly ignoring you to focus on keeping the fire under control.  No one questioned the fact you weren’t helping considering you were covered with the blackish grey soot from the fire and had a burned hand, bloodied hands, and maybe even a little blood near your mouth.  Clearly, you’d already been in the middle of it.

“Hange--Help me with him,” you said, putting your arms under Levi’s limp body once more with the obvious intent to pick him up.  Hange did the same without question, taking Levi into her own arms since you actually lacked the strength to pick him up.  She pulled back the cloak to see who it was and froze.

“Don’t let anyone see him,” you said quickly, and she dropped the cloak back into place.  “That smoke’s laced with white sage, he walked right into it and...Hange, he doesn’t have a pulse, he’s not breathing, but he’s still healing, I don’t know--”

“I’ve got him,” Hange said as you broke off with another cough, her gaze flickering back towards everyone still fighting the fire.  She was already turning to carry Levi out of there before anyone could notice, giving you one last parting statement before she hurried away.

“Armin said he was supposed to get Erwin, too--he shouldn’t be long.  You can tell him what happened.”

*Levi’s POV*

He was burning alive, inside and out, throat closing and cutting off the air he’d desperately tried to breathe, eyes blurred by the smoke that filled the room.  He could only just make out the sight of someone approaching him quickly, barely caught the glint of blades being drawn--

“No!”

Before they could reach him, a dark blur collided with and knocked them to the ground, their struggle illuminated by the flames just enough so he could see Y/N on top and positioned between Levi and the other scout, holding down the hooded scout and trying to claw one of their weapons from their hands.

He only caught the faint smell of blood before the smoke once more blocked everything out, this time choking him entirely and causing his vision to darken until he slipped away into nothingness.

Everything came back to him in a rush, like he’d vaulted himself out of the depths of a lake with his ODM cables after nearly drowning, gasping in air as he lurched forward, eyes snapping open, world spinning around him in an overwhelming cacophony of sensory information coming at him all at once.  The surface beneath him had a slight give to it, a blanket falling into his lap as Levi lurched forwards, breathing heavy since the last thing he remembered was being unable to breathe and he was instinctually trying to gulp in air.

Someone’s hand lightly touched his arm, drawing Levi’s attention before he could even start to visually take in his surroundings and bringing him face to face with a familiar pair of glasses.

“Oh, thank god, you are still alive, I wasn’t wrong, good,” Hange was saying with visible relief, helping to steady Levi as he tried to regain his bearings.

“What?”

Still alive--what was she going on about?  No...what had happened?  The fire, Y/N, the other scout, it was coming back to him in fragments, and he had a gaping hole in his memory after he’d seen Y/N tackle the scout to the ground before they could reach him.  He’d just lost consciousness...right?

“You didn’t have a pulse--we thought you were dead.  Well, technically you were, but I mean, you weren’t permanently dead, apparently.  You were still healing, so we thought--or, I suppose, more hoped--that you were actually okay, or you would be.  The only thing we’ve been able to do is wait and see what would happen.”

Levi listened to her with partial disbelief, hand moving subconsciously to lay over his chest and feel his heart pounding beneath his fingertips.  Dead?  Again?

The smoke...it shouldn’t have burned like that, unless the thing that scout had thrown into the fire as he’d entered the room...had it been white sage?  Was that why the air had suddenly choked him, why the smoke burned when he walked through it?  His gaze flickered towards the hand that was still holding him up, the skin smooth and unblemished once again, even though earlier it had been blistered and red, had felt like someone had set him on fire.

Levi gave himself a small shake mentally.  No, that was something he could reflect on later, there were more pressing questions right now.

“Y/N, the fire...what happened?” Levi asked, voice still sounding weak to his ears.

“I didn’t hear the story, but besides a bit of a burn on her hand, Y/N’s all right, we managed to put out the fire before it spread too far, and the scout that attacked you two is in the dungeons.  Y/N told Erwin the full story, you’ll have to ask him for the specifics.  He’s been waiting to see what happened with you before going to get answers from the scout--I suppose he figured you’d want to be there, if you woke up.”

Levi pushed aside the blanket, feet planted firmly on the ground as he started to get out of the bed Hange had him laying on.  Now that he looked around him, this wasn’t Levi’s room, Hange’s, or Erwin’s--it seemed like they’d stashed him in a spare room while he recovered.

“He’s in his office?”

“Most likely,” Hange answered, watching with concern as Levi had to reach out and steady himself, a brief wave of dizzy weakness washing over him as he stood up.  “Levi, you might need to rest a little longer.  You were just dead a few minutes ago--”

“I’ll be fine,” he said bluntly, cutting her off as he let his hand drop and headed for the door.

He needed answers for a lot of things right now, but his current priority was figuring out why that scout had been attacking Y/N, how the hell she’d known about white sage, and what else might she know about what was happening to him.

Erwin had been understandably surprised when Levi entered his office--pleasantly surprised, yes, it was good news Levi was alive, but still surprised.  Apparently they’d had to make excuses for his absence for almost two days, unsure if he was even going to wake up.

After dismissing the scout who didn’t understand why Erwin was visibly surprised to see Levi, Erwin had locked the door and explained the situation to Levi.  Of course, Levi already knew that Y/N was all right and the fire had been put out, but now he had a better understand of what happened.  Now he knew that the scout had attacked Y/N, possibly believing her to be whatever Levi was, considering how quickly the woman’s attention had shifted once she saw Levi react to what Y/N hadn’t.

He was also aware now that not only had Y/N tackled the other scout and subdued her before she could attack Levi in his weakened state, but apparently she’d been the one to drag him out of the room before the flames could reach him or the smoke burn him any longer.  She’d also been the one to take charge of the initial reaction to the fire before a disorganized panic could give it a chance to spread too far.

Erwin, in the meantime, had plenty of time to prepare his approach.  From what was explained to Levi, if they could convince the scout who’d attacked him--Sandy, her name was, apparently--that she was mistaken, that Levi wasn’t...whatever she thought he was, then she’d be allowed to stay in the scouts.  If not, then understandably, she couldn’t stay.  They’d dismiss her, citing her to have had some kind of mental break, likely from stress.

It wasn’t ideal, having to make someone doubt themselves, to discredit them that way, but if her meditated reaction to finding out about Levi had been to attempt to kill him--and to technically succeed for two days--then she couldn’t stay.

But all that would come after they attempted fishing for information, which was what they were doing now.  Erwin was situated on a chair facing Sandy’s cell directly, the guards dismissed, while Levi leaned against the wall in the shadows, by the door.  He could hear just fine from his spot over here, and he would stay out of sight, which would hopefully result in Sandy being a bit more talkative.  As such, it was already established that Erwin was going to conduct the interview as if Levi wasn’t there, and Levi was simply there to listen, just in case she had something informative to say.

“You do realize that not only did you attack one of your comrades, you attempted to attack a superior officer, based on the statement given by L/N,” Erwin said, gaze steadily fixed on the imprisoned scout that was sitting out of Levi’s sight.

“Attacking Y/N was a mistake, I swear, I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known I was wrong--I was sure it was her, I was sure, I was just trying to confirm it, but things escalated, and then Captain Levi showed up, and--”

Clearly, sitting in a cell with no one to talk to for two days hadn’t done anything for Sandy’s nerves.  She was a nervous wreck, and her statements were all over the place.  It looked like she hadn’t thought of what she was going to say when she was faced with consequences for her actions--or maybe she’d actually believed she wouldn’t be discovered.

“I know it’s going to sound crazy, and I didn’t quite believe it myself until I saw it, I saw it with my own eyes, but Commander Erwin, Captain Levi isn’t human!”

Levi straightened where he was standing by the door, attention sharpening.  This was what he was down here to hear.

“I know Levi’s skills exceed that of any other soldier, but that doesn’t mean--” Erwin started to say patiently.  His steady dismissal of the statement caused an outburst in Sandy, which was probably his intent.

“That’s not what I mean!  I mean, maybe, that’s something else, maybe that has something to do with it, too, I don’t know, but that’s not why I’m saying this!  Please, Commander, you have to believe me.  I wasn’t trying to kill anyone, not...not at first,” she finished in a squeak before she jumped right back into her fervent claims.  “My grandmother used to tell these stories, and that’s all they were, stories!  Nonsense!  There were no such things as bloodsuckers, the living dead that drank the blood of humans to stay alive--they were just ghost stories she told to make us behave!  But then Y/N kept pulling those curtains shut to block out the sun, and she was sneaking out late at night, everyone knows she left for unknown reasons for a whole month, and there’s those whispers about all the strange deaths in the Underground, of people showing up drained of blood and I-I got spooked, so I just thought--I thought I’d just make sure that they really were just stories.”

Levi felt sympathy start to rise to the forefront of his mind at her statement.  She’d simply been scared, and she’d handled it poorly.  There was a lot of that going around, recently.

“L/N said that you threw something into the fire instead of putting it out when it started.  I’m assuming the stories had something to do with that, too?” Erwin asked, expression and voice both entirely indifferent, unrelenting in his thoughts or feelings about what he was hearing.

Sandy had apparently started tearing up at some point, since Levi heard a sniffle inside the cell.  “She used to say that you were supposed to burn white sage to cleanse a place of evil spirits and demons,” Sandy said rather pitifully.  Levi’s grip tightened on his arms, but it was the only reaction to her words between him and Erwin.  The other man simply kept up his interrogation.

“That explains that part,” Erwin mumbled under his breath, purposely loud enough for Sandy to hear.  “Anything else you want to explain about your actions?  Now is your chance to do so.”

“I know it all sounds crazy, I thought they were just stories, too, but that sage worked, I saw it, it burned Captain Levi--he’s not human, Sir, you have to believe me.  If he’s one of those bloodsuckers from my grandmother’s stories, then all the scouts are in danger!”

Erwin started to stand up.  “What happened to Captain Levi was a severe allergic reaction to white sage--”

“This wasn’t an allergy!”

Erwin continued as if she hadn’t spoken.  “--one that I’ve known he has because I was there when he first discovered it.  I also saw him after the fire and can confirm the rash and hives--not blisters and burns, like you may have led yourself to believe--”

“No!  I saw it!  Commander Erwin, please, you have to believe me, I saw it with my own eyes, that wasn’t an allergic reaction, the Scouts are in danger--”

Levi straightened from his spot against the wall, silently making his way out of the dungeons and back towards his quarters.  None of this was something he needed to be here for.  In fact, it turned out he didn’t need to be here to begin with--Sandy didn’t know any more than they did.  She knew even less than them.  Listening in had been pointless.

As he entered his office, Levi left all but one of the lights off, even though it was late at night by now.  He simply let the moon and the oil lamp on his desk provide the light, mind trying to decide if he needed a cup of tea or something stronger as he made his way to the window.  After unlatching and opening it, he leaned outside, closing his eyes and breathing in the fresh air as a cool night breeze pushing his hair back.  His thumb idly traced along his palm, tracing scars he should have had from burns and shattered tea cups before dipping down to feel at the pulse in his wrist.

Demon...that was the second time he’d been called that.  A red eyed demon that preyed on the unsuspecting.  An evil spirit warded off with a little white sage.  The living dead.

He was dead, wasn’t he?  He’d died twice, now--once in that alley when his investor snapped his neck, and again just the other night when he’d apparently suffocated or the white sage had caused his heart to stop--he wasn’t entirely clear on the details, there, though he was sure Hange would have plenty of inquiries after this to find out.  Could he even really, truly die now?  If he hadn’t been breathing, if he didn’t have a pulse, yet he still healed and came back, was there a death for him?  He wasn’t even alive--or he shouldn’t be, at least, after he was killed that first time.

From what Sandy had said about her stories, he wasn’t even human anymore.  He was some kind of monster that preyed on humans...like the titans preyed on humans…

Levi shuddered in self-revulsion at the thought, feeling his ire rise as he ran his hand through his hair to try and dispel the idea that was already taking root in his mind.  As he did so, the flap of powerful wings drew his attention out just past his window, towards the tree that grew outside his office that had recently become the home of a rather large brown owl.  As he watched, the owl landed on one of the branches with one talon, the other talon holding a pinned black raven in its claws.  Levi locked eyes with the owl, which seemed to look at him inquisitively before, after deciding Levi wasn’t going to interrupt or disturb it, it reached out with its other talon to hold the still-squirming raven’s head down before it’s beak tore into the neck of the pitifully flailing smaller bird.  Able to see the scene in perfect clarity, Levi tensed and looked away, shutting the window behind him as if he could shut out the scene that reminded him too strongly of the night everything went wrong.

As Levi was latching the window, his door opened.  Erwin, again, then.

“Didn’t sound like you were convincing her when I left,” Levi said as Erwin stepped inside, Levi pushing the curtains aside a little more to let the moonlight in before he turned to face Erwin.

Erwin shook his head.  “I left her to think things over, but she knows what she saw.  She’s not going to let it go.”

Levi nodded.  So they were going to go about dismissing her.  It was a shame...and unfair to Sandy.  She’d truly been trying to protect the Scouts from the monster dwelling among them.  She should be thanked, not dismissed, except that monster was him, and Erwin needed Levi out there fighting titans, protecting Eren...so Levi’s secret took priority.

“You seem a bit more occupied with your thoughts than usual.  What are you thinking, Levi?”

That was one way to ask him how he was doing after all those frantic accusations about Levi being a demonic, bloodsucking, evil spirit, a monster, a threat to the Scouting Regiment, to everyone around him, even if he was trying so hard not to.

“I go down to the Underground regularly.  And I rip open the throats of unsuspecting people to drink their blood.  To eat them.  I come back wanting to eat more.”

His tone was on the brink of a threat, his words sharp, and as he spoke, he kept his gaze locked with Erwin’s, refusing to let Erwin look away from the truth of what Levi was saying.  He refused to let the other man blindly deny that he was actively protecting a monster that devoured people like the titans did.

Erwin’s gaze only hardened, meeting Levi’s head on as he stepped closer, as if to prove he wasn’t frightened by the threat in Levi’s tone.

“What happened to you wasn’t your choice,” Erwin said bluntly.  “What you did choose was to keep fighting, and to continue as yourself.  We both know you’ve been trying to minimize the casualties despite needing blood to survive now.  You’re still fighting for yourself, for the scouts, for humanity, despite everything that’s happened.  You didn’t change as a person, Levi, you’re still you.  You still have a heartbeat pumping blood through your veins, so you’re still alive.  You still think and feel--from what I’ve heard from Hange, you feel even more, now.  You’re more human than most of us, Levi.  Don’t forget it.”

Levi turned his head away, choosing instead to look out towards the shadow on the tree he knew to be the owl, eating the rest of its meal.  It seemed every day he found another reason to be mortified with what he was turned into, whether it was discoveries like tonight that forced him to look at how inhuman he could be with the slightest step in a different direction, or with how thoroughly he’d already hurt the people around him despite how much he’d wanted to avoid doing so.  But under everything, at the very center of it all, was a rage simmering under the surface, a fury focused entirely on the man who’d done this to him, who had turned him into this creature against his will.  That was what Erwin saw, that was what was at the root of everything bothering him, distracting him.  Levi’s goddamn investor, who hadn’t even rippled the water from what Levi could tell since turning him.

“What I want…” Levi said suddenly, his voice quiet and steady despite the intensity of his unearthed rage he was finally bringing to the surface so he could properly look at it.  “Is to find the thing that did this to me, and rip its throat out.”

Erwin seemed to consider Levi’s words for a few moments, studying Levi closely as if trying to gauge if it was an honest desire or if Levi was simply trying to throw him off from the conversation they’d been having about how Levi saw himself.  However, he still relented--for the time being--and nodded slowly.

“It does seem that there’s something...possibly more dangerous than a titan...lurking within the shadows of the walls,” Erwin said carefully.  “Considering how easily it was able to overpower you, we were lucky it decided to turn you instead of kill you, or we would have suffered a devastating blow for our efforts.  It would be wise to try to find it before it reappears.  Right now, if it was to go after someone else, if it decided to kill someone important to our cause, we’re woefully unprepared to handle that kind of a threat.  That needs to change.”

Erwin gave Levi a level look, one that clearly laid down the fact that this would still be a give and take deal between the two of them.  “I’ll tell Hange we’re doubling our efforts to understand what’s happened to you so we can start coming up with ways to fight back.  And we’ll start looking for the being that attacked you.  What you want, is something the Scouts can want, too.  It’s something that would be in all of our interests.”

Next Part---->

Levi Tags:  @humanitys-hottestsoldier @sunny-flo @clary-quinn

Investment Tags:  @regalillegal @cecldcecld​ @soft-levi-girl-blog​

Vampire Levi Tags:  @thesilencebeforeastorm @psychiccvampire @mysteriousmagicx @super-peace-fangirl

[emeraldwaves]

Title: Start of Something New Chapter 4 Pairing:  Todomomo, side Kamijirou Rating: T Word Count:  3,916 Summary: Momo is thrilled to be spending her winter break on her family ski vacation. Even though she’s anxious about graduating in the spring, she’ll have time to relax, enjoy the slopes and hang out with her best friend. Shouto is not thrilled to be stuck with his father for the entirety of his winter break. It’s anything but a vacation. Even with his siblings there, everything reminds him of his past and he just wants to get back to finishing school and moving on. When the two continuously run into each other at the lodge, both of them realize their vacations aren’t going to be what either of them expected. Read on AO3 Thanks to @liziscribbles for reading this ahead, full fic under the cut!

Momo stood at the top of the mountain, the cool air brushing through her long dark hair. Her pony tail stood up high on her head, her dark hair flowing behind her. Her eyes were covered with her red ski goggles, matching her red ski jacket and skis.

She was officially ready to take on the mountain. It was a new day, and though it was cold, the sun shone bright against the powdery snow. Actually, Momo felt a little warm underneath her comfy jacket.

She stared out at the view overlooking the mountains directly in front of her. The peaks were capped with ice and snow, the colors soft, like brushstrokes from a painting. A scene she was familiar with, but never tired of.

Determined to put her dinner with her parents behind her, Momo turned her attention to the trail in front of her. The whole point of this trip was to enjoy skiing and her friends, not to worry about her future or school. Currently, it seemed a little impossible, given how loud the anxious voices in her head were. Her parents didn't help much either, with their questions and implications at dinner.

She shook her head, forcing the thoughts from her mind. Her parents had already started down the trail, her mother moving slowly as she daintily planted her poles and turned, her body following the slow movement. Her father was a bit faster, already making his way down the trail. If she took much longer they would most likely worry about whether she'd fallen.

Pushing off, Momo began to zip down the hill. She was far faster than both her parents, her knees bending gently as she sped through the snow. She loved the scraping noise of the skis cutting against the packed powder and the way her hair whipped through the wind. It was such an exhilarating feeling, one of the only times she enjoyed the nervous beating of her heart as adrenaline rushed through her veins.

She curved to the side, powder flying up as her skis cut through a small patch of snow. She loved the feeling more than anything else.

She made her way to the bottom of the hill, back towards where the chair lifts were. A few more runs with her parents and then she would be meeting up with Kyouka for an afternoon of more skiing.

Admittedly, Momo preferred skiing with Kyouka because the girl challenged her. Kyouka zipped down the trails so fast, Momo could've blinked and missed her. She also was more daring when it came to jumps or racing, something Momo never tried until she met her best friend.

The runs with her parents were tame as always; still enjoyable, but not as thrilling.

When lunchtime came around, Momo was ready to say bye to her parents. She felt guilty for leaving them to see Kyouka, even knowing they enjoyed their alone time as well.

The outside of the small cafeteria was lined with ski racks and fire pits to relax and enjoy what most people considered the best part of a skiing day, après-ski. When she stepped into the basin lodge, she was hit with the smell of fried food and wet snow, an oddly comforting scent.

"Momo!" Kyouka immediately spotted her, calling out and waving as Momo weaved through the tables. She trudged over, her ski boots still tight around her ankles. "We have a problem," Kyouka hissed, pulling down on the purple pom poms on her winter hat. The wool slowly moved down over her friend's eyes and she let out a soft groan.

"What kind of problem!?" Momo asked, glancing around the room. Had something happened she didn't know about? Was Kyouka not going to be able to ski?

She raised her hand up, gesturing toward the food line.

"Are you hungry?" Momo asked, glancing at the queue for those waiting to pick up their food. Nothing seemed wrong or out of the ordinary until...

"Why is he here!?" she groaned.

Momo's eyes caught the blond boy ringing people out at the counter. Kaminari, the boy from the cafe obviously worked here too.

"Oh!" Momo smiled, clapping her hands together. "Great! Now you can go talk to him again!"

"No," Kyouka said flatly, peeking out from underneath her winter hat.

"You have to eat, Kyouka!" Momo giggled. She'd never seen Kyouka so flustered over a boy; it was cute.

"Nah, I'll survive," she shrugged, turning away from the cafeteria line. "You can get me something."

"Hm," Momo hummed, shrugging her shoulders. "But I don't have enough hands to hold my food and whatever food you plan on getting."

"Yaomomo, you have plenty of hands," Kyouka snorted. "You can put your food and mine on your tray."

"Oh come on! Don't you want to say hi!"

"No," Kyouka repeated. "I'm starting to think he might be a robot clone, and the lodge mass produces him to work at all their various locations."

Momo turned to look at the blond, who was happily laughing as he rang some customers up. "Mmm... I don't know, he seems too alive to be a robot," she said, covering her mouth as she laughed.

"Look, Momo," Kyouka sighed heavily. "I don't want him to me all... all... ski sweaty!"

"Kyouka," Momo smiled gently. She was obviously very distressed about this, and though Momo still didn't quite understand why, she wanted to help her. "He works at a ski lodge. We all look like this, and I'm sure he skis plenty himself."

Groaning, Kyouka pushed herself up from the table. "Okay, okay. I will suffer."

"Good. You need to eat," Momo nodded, allowing her friend to head there first so she could be sure she actually went.

As the two of them walked around the cafeteria, Kyouka sighed and tentatively made her way towards the check out.

"Hey! Jirou, right?" Kaminari smiled wide, leaning towards her with excitement.

"Uh, yeah," she said, shoving her hands into her pockets as she rocked back and forth on her large ski boots. "I... didn't realize you worked here too."

"Oh! Yeah, they rotate us around a lot." He began to punch numbers onto the screen in front of him. "I kinda prefer the cafe, but seeing people excited about skiing and taking their breaks is cool! I mean seeing you... is especially great!" he laughed and Momo watched as Kyouka's face turned bright red.

"R-Right," she said. "Uh... anyway... how much do I owe?"

"$13.54," he said, still cheerful even after Kyouka seemingly ignored his compliment. "I hope you're enjoying the slopes today. Wish I could get out there myself," he sighed longingly, glancing back towards the large windows.

"Yeah it's a good day," Kyouka muttered, stroking down one of the pom poms. "So you, uh, ski?" she asked.

"Snowboard," he nodded, swiping her card.

"Oh, an asshole who ruins it for the rest of us then?" Kyouka blurted out.

Kaminari pouted. "What!? No! Snowboarding is cool! I-I mean so is skiing but... snowboarding is badass!"

"Sure," Kyouka smirked, taking her card back from him. "Snowboarders always push the powder away, making us skiers slip on ice hidden underneath," she teased.

"See, you're looking at it all wrong. We're making it more challenging for you! Without us, skiing would be boring!" he nodded, as if he explained the ultimate truth.

"Oh yeah, so boring," she snorted, chuckling softly.

"Well, hopefully I can ruin the slopes for you one of these days," he smirked, pointing his fingers at her.

"Keep dreaming," she retorted quickly, and briskly walked away.

"Bye!" he called out after her, and turned towards Momo. "Oh! Hey! You're Jirou's friend right?"

"Mhm, Yaoyorozu Momo," she said, re-introducing herself, since the blond seemed to have forgotten.

"Right, Yaomomo," he said, swiping her card. "I, uh, I hope Jirou didn't think I was kidding about joining you guys! I-I mean... if you don't mind a third person one of these days."

Momo smiled. It was so funny how quickly he changed his attitude upon talking to her versus Kyouka. He obviously was crushing just as hard as she was, and honestly Momo couldn't blame him. Kyouka was adorable, and around him she always acted a little nervous and flustered. It made her extra cute.

"Don't worry," she giggled, taking her card back. "I'll let her know."

"Hey, thanks!" he laughed. "You're a real bro!"

Momo couldn't help but snicker to herself as she made her way back to the table. She'd never been called a bro before.

"Well that was a complete and utter disaster," Kyouka sighed, shoving one of the french fries into her mouth. "Should've gotten more of these to drown my sorrows in potatoes."

"Kyouka," Momo laughed, "You were fine!"

"I told him he ruined skiing for us because he's a snowboarder!"

"Well, snowboarders do make things more difficult..." Momo nodded.

"I know," Kyouka snorted. "But... I shouldn't have said that!"

"He didn't take it poorly, he told me he wants to spend time with us if he's not working," Momo shrugged.

"What?! He said that!" she said, practically choking on one of her fries.

"Mhm!" Momo laughed. "You shouldn't have run away so quickly."

The two girls continued their lunches, Kyouka groaning about her inability to talk to Kaminari Denki, a strange phenomenon she didn't quite understand.

"And what about your boy?" Kyouka asked. "Have you bumped into him again?" Casually diverting the subject away from herself was Kyouka's specialty.

"Kind of," Momo answered tentatively. "I saw him last night at dinner and we caught eyes, but... that was it. I think I need to push him from my mind."

"Why?" Kyouka asked. "He's cute."

Momo shrugged, not wanting to think about the awkward conversation with her parents from the night prior about distractions. "I just... I don't really have time for distractions right now," she said.

"Yaomomo, you always work way too hard. You're allowed to have a crush, you know!" Kyouka teased.

"I-It's not a crush! I don't even know him!" she said, waving her hand back and forth quickly.

"And you give me crap about Kaminari..." Kyouka shook her head.

"You've had longer conversations with him!" Momo urged.

"Whatever you say," Kyouka said, taking the last sip of her drink. "Let's get skiing."

"Yes! Let's!"

Momo was thankful Kyouka was quick to let it drop. She supposed it was hypocritical of her, to want to see Kyouka enjoy her time with Kaminari but avoid spending time with Todoroki. For some reason it felt different. Maybe because it involved Momo herself. Or maybe because she didn't think she'd ever see him again.

The two girls snapped their skis back on, taking the lift up the mountain. Momo gently swung her legs back and forth, brushing the snow off of her skis. With Kyouka, they usually went straight to the top, ready to take on the whole mountain, as opposed to her parents who slowly made their way up to the top.

"We gonna race, Yaomomo?" Kyouka asked, pulling her goggles down over her eyes.

"You know it!" she giggled, following suit.

The two girls stood at the top of the trail and Kyouka held up her gloved hand. "Three, two, one, GO!"

They pushed off, zooming down the mountain. Kyouka was fast, far faster than Momo, and she honestly didn't know why they raced when she knew Kyouka was going to win. The purple-haired girl zipped forward and zoomed over a small jump on the side of the path. "Woohoo! You'll never catch me Yaomomo!" she laughed, calling behind her.

Using her poles to propel her forward faster, Momo tried desperately to catch up with Kyouka, though she smirked as they both moved over the hill. The trail split off here into two paths, and Kyouka had already zipped down the left path, technically the longer of the two. If she could head to the right there was a possibility she could win.

She leaned into her skies, crouching down as she turned towards the right side of the path, cutting across. Kyouka would never expect Momo to split off-

When she turned her direction, she didn't hear the yell but she saw the speeding figure out of the corner of her eye with barely enough time to stop. She swung her body to the side, attempting to parallel stop on the skis, but her fast momentum made her fall, knocking into the person who was now directly in her line of sight.

~~

Shouto tapped his ski pole against the edge of boot, feebly attempting to remove the snow before snapping himself into his skis.

It felt strange to wear skis again after years of staying away from it. He felt heavy, weighted to the earth and his knees leaned forward, his calves pressed against the ski boots. He'd forgotten what it was like to wear them, how awkward of an angle it was.

"Lookin' good, Shouto!" Natsuo said, saluting Shouto with his pole.

"Natsuo!" Fuyumi scolded. "Don't swing your poles around like that. Remember how Mom always said you'd take someone's eye out!"

At the mention of their mother, all three of them went silent. Slowly, Natsuo lowered his pole back down. "Y-Yeah..." he chuckled, trying to keep the mood as light as possible. "She would've yelled at me so fast!"

Shouto stared at his skis. It felt weird to be at a place like this without her. Sure, she'd never been to this particular resort, but Shouto was certain his mother would've loved it.

"Does everyone have their equipment together?" Their father's voice all made them jump. The last thing they wanted was to continually bring up their mother around him; his least favorite topic. "We'll be taking the double chair up first for a practice run and then the quad to the top. One run should be plenty enough time for you to be used to your skis once more. Let's go."

He pushed off, heading for the double chair, with Shouto and his two siblings following. Fuyumi rode with their father, and Natsuo and Shouto rode the chair behind them. Shouto leaned his elbow against the bar, watching as the slope moved beneath them while the chair carried them up the mountain.

Already the sun was high in the sky. Their father decided they would start in the early afternoon since he had work to get done in the morning.

"I think skiing is like riding a bicycle," Natsuo said, tapping one of his poles against the tip of his ski. "You never really forget how to do it."

"I guess," Shouto said. Perhaps there was a part of him that wanted to forget. His feet felt heavy, and even sitting on the chair, he wanted to slip under the bar, fall into the snow, and zip away. He wished his father would let him sit in his room and enjoy vacation in bed or something. Anything but this...

It just... didn't feel right without her.

He pushed off of the chair and turned to follow his father and his sister to the top of the trail. "Don't do anything crazy, Natsuo," their father said, pulling his goggles down over his face.

"What!? Why did you only say that to me?!" he sighed.

"Because you're the only one who would actually do something crazy," Fuyumi teased playfully.

"What? Shouto is a total wild card!" Natsuo said, gesturing to Shouto purposefully.

"Don't drag me into this," he snorted, pushing off with his poles as he started down the trail.

"Shouto! I didn't say we were going yet!" He heard his father call out behind him but he didn't stop casually going down the mountain. He wasn't going to allow his father to control when they started going down the slope. This trip was already ridiculous enough.

The trail his father picked was shockingly easy, though for all his bragging, Shouto knew his father wasn't the best skier. It had been years since any of them had done this, but Natsuo was right. They didn't forget.

Shouto would never forget.

Making his way down the slope he could almost picture his mother in front of him; her long gray hair splayed out behind her, blending in with the snow. She always smiled wide as she made her way down the mountain, full of exhilarating, contagious energy. She taught Shouto to love skiing and love the snow.

This trail wasn't challenging, even if this was a new mountain for Shouto. He made it to the bottom with ease, watching as Natsuo zoomed down behind him, spraying him with snow when he stopped at the bottom.

"I hate you," Shouto scoffed, brushing off some of the melting snow off of his body.

"Next time, I'm gonna win! Just you wait!" he smirked, leaning forward on his poles while Fuyumi and their father skied up next to them.

"You should've waited, Shouto," his father scolded, clicking his tongue.

"Mmm. It was fine."

"This is a family trip. I want us to stay together," he snapped.

"And we did. I just went first," Shouto shrugged.

His father let out a heavy sigh. "Next time, do as I say. We're off to the quad chair now."

The quad chair sat all four of them on one lift and it took them directly to the top of the mountain. Shouto sat on the end, far away from his father, while Natsuo rambled on about something that happened to him at school.

The wind whistled by Shouto's ear the further up the mountain they got and he wondered if he could beat Natsuo down the mountain again. It would be pretty funny if he did, since Natsuo often bragged about being the fastest of them. A small of competitive energy warmed his heart. Plus, if he went ahead again, it would piss his father off for sure. Shouto was eager to do just that for the entire goddamn trip.

They pushed off of the chairlift when they made it to the top of the mountain and Shouto stared at the incredible view. They were higher up from the restaurant the night prior, and he could see the tops of the mountains directly across from them. In the distance, he could see ranges of mountains, capped in snow, covered in trees. It was stunning and his heart tightened in his chest. He could imagine his mother would love this. She would probably make a comment about how beautiful it was.

 'Paradise.'

It was what she called the mountains. While most people thought paradise was a warm beach lined with palm trees, Shouto's mother found the most joy surrounded in snow. She loved cuddling up by a fire with hot chocolate after spending all day rushing down the mountain with the wind kissing her cheeks. That was her dream vacation.

And views like this made Shouto understand why.

"She would've loved this, don't you think?" Shouto heard Fuyumi's soft voice next to him and he swallowed the small lump in his throat.

"Mmm... yeah..." he said.

"Fuyumi! Shouto! We'll be taking this trail!" their father called for them, waving them over to a trail to the right. Shouto stared at the mountain one last time. Though he was certain this wouldn't be the last time he saw the view, he wanted to take it all in.

"Alright Shouto," Natsuo said, wiggling his butt as he set himself at the top of the slope. "This time I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"Tch. Okay," Shouto snorted, pulling his goggles down as he glanced towards his brother,

If he was going to do this, he might as well try and be better than Natsuo. At the very least.

The two boys pushed off before their father could stop them and they began to zoom down. They crossed in front of each other various times, though Shouto stuck more to the right, following the trail.

Natsuo was ahead for now, but he was going to get cocky as he always did. Shouto expected him to go off makeshift jumps on the side of the slope and fall or something stupid like that. He smirked at the thought of beating his brother yet again.

However, as focused as he was on his brother, he didn't notice his surroundings and he only saw the flash of red attempt to stop as he tried to halt himself too.  It wasn't fast enough to prevent them from colliding into each other.

Both of them toppled to the ground, a mess of skis and bodies. Thankfully the person had stopped faster than Shouto, saving them from making a higher-speed impact.

While he fell to the ground and rolled ever so slightly down the mountain, his skis popped off and poles were left behind, strewn about in the snow behind him. His arm hurt slightly, but thankfully, since they had tried to stop themselves, the damage wasn't so bad.

The girl in front of him also had been detached from her skis and she groaned, slowly pushing herself up.

Shouto blinked when he realized it was Yaoyorozu of all people.

Just his damn luck.

"T-Todoroki!" she gasped, awkwardly running towards him in her ski boots. She fell to her knees in front of him. "O-Oh no... Oh gosh! I'm so sorry! Are you hurt?"

For a moment, he stared at her dumbfounded, shocked it was her. Even in her ski outfit she looked absolutely stunning. Her dark, concern-filled eyes were focused on him, her cheeks red. Had he really just run into her of all people?

"I guess we just... keep running into each other," he stated finally. Probably not the time for a lame joke. Hell, it wasn't even funny. She probably thought he was an idiot.

She bit her lip and shook her head. "I'm... so sorry! I didn't see you! I-I was racing my friend and I wasn't paying attention... which is so bad... so so bad. You could've been seriously hurt or killed! Skiing isn't a joke and I should never have-"

"Yaoyorozu," he said, gently touching her shoulder. The way she rambled was honestly cute, and Shouto couldn't stop staring at how fast her lips moved. He also felt a little guilty. He hadn't seen her either. He was far too focused on Natsuo. "I'm fine. I was... racing my brother. I didn't see you either-ah!"

He blinked, noticing a small dribble of blood trailing down a small cut on her forehead. "You're hurt," he said, pulling off his glove to gently brush some of the blood from her forehead. Her breath hitched, her cheeks flushing even more.

He was so close to her now, worried he'd actually injured her.

"I-It's just a cut! I'm fine!" she said.

"No. You could've hit your head. Is... there a first aid station at the basin? We should go there immediately. I'll take you," he said, forgetting all about his father's schedule.

"R-Really! You should stay with your family. I'll ski down and get a band-aid!" she said, shaking her head. "I-I wouldn't want to inconvenience you."

"Please..." he muttered. "It would feel strange if I didn't at least make sure you were okay after colliding with you on the mountain."

She looked down once more and slowly nodded. "Okay..."

Shouto sighed, smiling in relief. "Great. We'll ski down together then."