#i know it's a lot to read but the end is worth it ;)

[seiwas]

cw: happy tears and tickle fights, birthday celebrations and other things. unedited sawry. ‼️ FIC SPOILERS PAST THIS PORTION OF THE CONTENT WARNING ‼️ pregnancy.

.

hajime’s birthday this year is different.

you don’t celebrate on the day of, contrary to your tradition of keeping it free no matter what. instead, you decide on the weekend, taking time to prepare his gift while he’s out of town.

the sunday morning starts out slow, a late wake to his usual 5:00 a.m. runs. you shift beside him, turning to snuggle deeper into his hold.

you weren’t able to wait for him last night, any hour past midnight simply impossible for you to keep up with these days.

your breath puffs out in a long exhale, tickling his collarbone.

he pulls you closer when you move, tucking his nose into the crown of your head. it’s something you both do, you’ve noticed—breathing each other in the moment you return to one another.

the celebration today is not lost on you, but you take in these few silent moments with him for just a bit longer.

when he stirs, squeezing you tighter as he mumbles a low ‘morning’, you peer up to kiss his chin. he’s ticklish there, you know, especially when your lips catch on the bits of stubble grown a few days after he shaves.

it takes longer for you both to get out of bed because of that, a tickle fight ensuing as hajime sneakily crawls his fingers up your armpits, blowing raspberries at the spot right below your ears.

you slip into the bathroom that way—a little clumsy and a lot giggly. then you crouch low, opening the cabinet under the sink; hidden in it is your gift for him, a flat rectangle wrapped in kraft paper and a green bow.

it’s the first thing in your agenda today, you’ve decided, unable to wait until he receives it at the end of the day, like you’d originally planned.

hajime’s propped up against the headboard when you step back into your bedroom, blanket scrunched at his hip. you’re no fan of the season’s heat, but you thank god it’s summer, because at least, you’re met with the view of his exposed chest every morning.

he holds an arm out to welcome you back in, letting you rest your legs across his lap as he cradles your back.

“your gift,” you whisper, holding out the wrapped rectangle, “open it first. that’s the first thing on our agenda today.”

he chuckles, taking the soft rectangle from your hands while kissing your temple, “thanks, babe. you didn’t have to.”

you watch eagerly, tucking yourself into his side as you wrap an arm around his waist. he tears through the wrapper but sets aside the bow, knowing you like to recycle them when you have the chance.

hajime is a simple man, and at the sight of his favorite brand of socks, he lights up at the addition of one more to his already-full drawer of them.

he turns to you, about to pepper your face with a bunch of kisses but—

“check the hem, i got something done to it.” you giggle.

he looks confused for a moment before he turns them over, plain white save for the dark green letters running around its ankle garters.

there’s another reason you decided to celebrate his birthday this weekend, on the third sunday of june.

he deciphers the word, reading each letter: p-a-p-a, and you can see the cogs turning in his brain before he immediately whips his head to face you.

“you’re—?”

you nod.

there’s something indescribable in his eyes, emotion welling up as they gloss over dark olive green—it makes you want to cry, too.

damn all these hormones.

“happy birthday, papa.” you sniffle, smiling wide, “and happy father’s day.”

(after a whole lot of tears, and even more kissing, you show hajime the tests you took while he was away. he tells you you should have told him, that he would have come home, but you shake your head.

it’s well worth it, seeing his reaction to two things he can celebrate today.)

[03jyh23]

— fear of the unknown || choi jongho (part two of finding our way back series)

<series masterlist> <next>

ex-boyfriend!idol!jongho x ex-girlfriend!single-mom!reader

synopsis: five years have passed since jongho last saw you. your lives have taken drastically different paths, with jongho achieving fame and you focusing on raising your daughter, nari, in quiet anonymity. when jongho discovers he has a daughter, he's determined to be a part of her life.

genre: a slice of life, romance, fluff, some angst

trigger warnings: unplanned pregnancy, illegitimate child, single parenthood

words: 8.1 k

reminder: what you’re about to read is purely fiction, so let’s keep it separate from reality.

!minors do not interact!

— hi there! first of all, thank you so much for being interested in finding our way back! your support means a lot to me! i'm super excited to share this part! i know some of you've been looking forward to reading it so im happy to finally be able to give it to you! it took me a while to work on it so i hope you will enjoy it! can't wait to read your opinions!

love, monika ♡

taglist: @seventeenthingsblr @DALSUWAHA @treehouse-mouse @ateez-atiny380 @sleepy-kat-here @sndeoki @bomi-ja ♡ (if by any chance i forgotten to add someone please remind me once again)

if you wish to be tagged let me know here

Jongho paced around the conference room, his hands shaky as he waited for the CEO and other representatives to arrive. It was the first time he had called a special meeting. His mind was filled with a whirlwind of thoughts and what-ifs, making it impossible for him to sit still. Unease had settled in his stomach, churning uncomfortably with every passing second. It was a different kind of nervousness compared to what he had felt before his audition. Back then, it was a mixture of excitement and fear of the unknown. But this was entirely different. This time, he was more than just an aspiring artist. He was a father, a man who had discovered a newfound purpose in life, a purpose that was far more significant than any song or dance routine. His heart pounded in his chest, the rhythmic thumping loud in his ears as he waited for the attendees to arrive. His palms were sweaty, his fingers trembling slightly as he clenched and unclenched them in an attempt to release some of the tension. As he looked around the empty conference room, he could feel the weight of the situation bearing down on him. The silence of the room seemed to echo the uncertainty he was feeling, amplifying his anxiety. He was about to have a conversation that could change the course of his life, a conversation that could either bring him closer to his daughter or push him further away. He had no script, no rehearsal. All he had were his feelings, his love for his daughter, and his determination to be a part of her life. As he waited for the meeting to begin, Jongho felt a strange mix of fear and anticipation. He feared the possible outcomes, yet was eager to voice out his feelings, his intentions. 

As he paced back and forth, his mind raced with thoughts of every possible scenario. What if they didn’t believe him? What if they questioned his sincerity? What if they denied him the chance to be a part of his daughter’s life? But amidst all the doubts and fears, a small glimmer of hope remained. The hope that they would understand that they would give him a chance to prove his worth as a father. He couldn’t predict how this conversation might end. But he knew one thing for certain. He was ready to fight. Ready to fight for his right to be a father, to be a part of his daughter’s life. And with that thought, he took a deep breath, steadying himself as he prepared for the meeting that could change his life forever. 

After what felt like forever, the CEO entered the conference room in the company of other representatives, a cup of coffee in their hands. All of them greeted Jongho with a fond smile and one of them handed Jongho one of the cups as well. "It's nice to see you, Jongho. Should we start the meeting now?" 

"Thank you," Jongho said, accepting the coffee with a small smile. His hands were shaking slightly as he brought the cup to his lips, taking a small sip of the hot beverage. He looked down into the cup, watching as the dark liquid swirled around. Where should he start? He took a deep breath, lifting his gaze to meet the eyes of the people around the room. The friendly chit-chat and the light-hearted atmosphere were about to take a drastic turn. "I have something I need to tell you," He began, his voice quiet but steady. He knew that his confession was about to change everything. 

"Well, I really hope you do have something important to share," the CEO began with a light-hearted chuckle, breaking the tense silence that had enveloped the room. "After all, it's Friday morning, and we've all gathered here, for what I understand is an emergency meeting. Given the urgency, I'm certain that you've called us here for a matter of utmost importance." His smile was warm and encouraging, a stark contrast to the seriousness of his words. "So, why don't you go ahead and tell us, Jongho? What's going on that required such immediate attention?" 

Jongho took another deep breath, feeling the weight of the moment pressing down on him. He looked around the room, meeting the eyes of each representative before finally settling on the CEO. "I called this meeting because there's something important, I need to share with you all. It's about my personal life but has significant implications for my career and ATEEZ." He paused, gathering his thoughts. "Five years ago, I was in a relationship with someone very special to me, Y/N. I had to end things because of the pressures and demands of my career. What I didn't know at the time was that she was pregnant when we broke up." The room was silent, the weight of Jongho's revelation hanging heavily in the air. He continued; his voice steady but filled with emotion. "She had our daughter, Nari, and she's been raising her on her own ever since. I only found out about Nari recently, at a fan sign event where Y/N brought her. Meeting my daughter for the first time was... overwhelming." Jongho paused to let his words sink in, watching as the representatives' exchanged glances, processing the information. "I understand that this is unexpected and may complicate things, but I need you all to know that I am committed to being a father to Nari. I will not abandon my responsibilities or pretend she doesn't exist. She is my daughter, and I love her." 

The CEO's expression shifted from surprise to a more contemplative look. "Jongho, this is indeed a significant development. We need to consider the implications carefully. But first, tell us more about your relationship with Y/N. How do you see your future with her and your daughter?" 

"We both were really young when we fell in love and taking into consideration how much time has passed, it's hard for me to navigate my relationship with Nari's mom," Jongho stated. "I believe the way we parted hurt her in more than one way and I'm willing to work to gain her trust again. However, my current focus is on reconnecting with my daughter." 

The CEO sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I understand, but you need to realize the potential repercussions. The public will find out, and we must be prepared for the fallout. We're talking about an illegitimate child, Jongho. It’s going to cause a lot of trouble." 

Jongho clenched his fists, his resolve strengthening. "Nari is my daughter, and I won’t let her be treated as a scandal or a mistake. She deserves better than that. I am prepared to face any backlash if it means being a part of her life." 

One of the other representatives leaned forward, their expression more sympathetic. "We understand your position, Jongho, and we want to support you. But we need a clear plan, PR team how can we introduce Nari and Y/N to the public? How can we handle the media attention?" 

The PR manager, a professional with a calm demeanor, took a moment to gather her thoughts before responding. "The key here is to control the narrative. We need to craft a heartfelt, honest statement from Jongho, explaining the situation clearly and sincerely. We should emphasize his dedication to his daughter and his desire to be a responsible father. Transparency will help us gain the public's sympathy and support." 

Another member of the PR team chimed in, "We can arrange an exclusive interview with a trusted media outlet. Jongho can share his story in his own words, highlighting his commitment to Nari. This will allow us to present the news in a positive light and address any potential questions or concerns upfront." 

The CEO nodded thoughtfully. "And what about Y/N? How does she feel about being in the public eye? Will she be willing to participate in this plan?" 

Jongho took a deep breath. "I don't want to pressure her into anything she's not comfortable with. But I believe that, with time, she will see that being open about our situation is the best way forward for all of us. I will talk to her and make sure she understands the importance of this step." 

The PR manager continued, "We should also prepare a detailed FAQ and talking points for Jongho and the rest of the team. This will ensure that everyone is on the same page and can respond consistently to any inquiries. Social media will be crucial as well. We need to monitor reactions and engage with fans to build support and understanding." 

A marketing executive added, "It might be beneficial to involve the rest of ATEEZ in this process. Their support can help reinforce the message that this is a positive development for Jongho and his family. A united front will be more compelling to the public." 

Jongho nodded, looking a bit hesitant. "There's one more thing. Only Hongjoong knows about Nari right now. The rest of the boys have no idea. I need to talk to them and explain everything before we move forward with any public announcements." 

The CEO leaned forward; his gaze intense. "Jongho, we need to move carefully. Your career and the future of ATEEZ are at stake. But we also want to see you become the father you want to be. We'll work on this strategy together, but you need to keep us informed every step of the way." 

Jongho nodded, feeling a mix of relief and determination. "Thank you. I appreciate your support and understanding. I won't let you down." 

As the meeting concluded, Jongho knew that the road ahead would be challenging, but he was ready to face it with unwavering determination. He was committed to being the best father he could be for Nari, and he would do whatever it took to make things right with you. With the support of his team and his own resolve, he felt more prepared to navigate the difficult path ahead. His next step was to sit down with the rest of ATEEZ and share his story, trusting in their brotherhood and hoping for their understanding. 

You had just finished cleaning up when you heard your phone ringing. Your heartbeat faster when you saw Jongho's name on the screen, a sight unfamiliar yet deeply desired. The night before, after Jongho left, you found it hard to sleep. You tossed and turned in your bed, replaying the entire evening. You remembered how he looked, how your heart reacted upon seeing him. It felt as if no time had passed, and your youthful love was still aflame. There was no denying the strong impact seeing Jongho had on you. Despite the years and the distance, feelings you thought you had tucked away resurfaced with a force you hadn't anticipated. You were left grappling with a flurry of emotions, from surprise to anxiety, from sorrow to a yearning you weren't ready to confront. It was as if the past had caught up with you, reminding you of what once was and what could have been. 

"Hello?" you answered the call, 

"Hi Y/N, I just wanted to let you know I finished the company meeting. Would you like to meet me for coffee?" Your heart raced in your chest at his unexpected invitation, leaving you momentarily speechless. 

"Sure, Jongho. That sounds nice," you finally responded, managing to maintain a steady voice. 

"Great, can I come and pick you up in thirty minutes?" 

"Sure, I'll be ready," you replied, a wave of excitement washing over you. 

As you ended the call, you couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. Part of you was excited at the prospect of seeing Jongho again, eager to spend more time with him. But another part of you was filled with uncertainty, unsure of what this meeting meant for your relationship and where things would go from here. Your mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and questions. You were acutely aware that a lot could change in five years. Jongho was no longer the aspiring artist who was still finding his way, but a worldwide superstar, a member of a successful group. His popularity, his financial status - everything had changed. He was not your Jongho anymore. He wasn't the same boy you fell in love with. He had become a man, a man you wanted to get to know, to be close to. You knew it wasn't going to be easy. But you had changed too. You had matured, become less spontaneous and, perhaps, less happy along the way? You had neglected yourself, focusing solely on your daughter. You weren't unhappy, not at all, Nari was your purpose in life. But sometimes, in the quiet moments, you couldn't help but feel like you had lost a part of yourself in the process of becoming a mother. 

You quickly freshened up, opting for a casual outfit that struck the perfect balance between comfort and style. With your heart pounding in your chest, you made your way out of the building. You sat down on a bench, scanning your surroundings for Jongho, but there was no sign of him. You started to grow impatient, shaking your legs as a distraction. It was a struggle to calm your racing heart. You had to repeatedly remind yourself that you were a mother first, an individual second. You had to remember that you were doing this for your daughter's sake. You couldn't selfishly rush Jongho back into your life, even if every fiber of your being yearned for him, even if your greatest dream was to create a family with him. For now, your feelings need to be pushed back. You needed your mind to stay clear, to fight with yourself to remain a responsible adult, a mother who wouldn't let emotions cloud her vision. Preferably, you would have wanted to just run into Jongho's arms and explore the feelings, the love. And if needed, beg him to love you again. But you couldn't. Not now. As much as you wanted to give in to your feelings, you knew that it wouldn't be fair to Nari. You didn't want to risk her getting hurt if things didn't work out with Jongho. So, you buried your feelings deep inside, vowing to focus on your daughter and her needs. 

When finally, Jongho arrived, you couldn't help but feel a flutter of nerves as you caught sight of him. He looked just as handsome as ever, his warm smile sending a wave of warmth through you 

"Hey," he greeted you, his voice soft and gentle. "You look beautiful." 

"Thank you," you replied, feeling a blush rise to your cheeks. "You look great too." As you exchanged pleasantries, a familiar warmth enveloped you, easing the tension that had gripped your nerves moments earlier. Jongho's presence felt reassuring, grounding you in the midst of your swirling emotions. 

"Shall we?" Jongho gestured towards the café where you met him the night before, a twinkle of excitement in his eyes. With a nod, you fell into step beside him. 

Settling into a cozy corner of the café, you found yourselves immersed in a comfortable silence, punctuated by shared smiles and stolen glances. It felt surreal, being in Jongho's presence once again, yet undeniably right. 

As a waitress brought your orders, you couldn't help but smile upon seeing Jongho's order. He caught your gaze, a question in his eyes as you smiled even wider. "What?" he asked. 

"It's just... your order hasn't changed at all," you responded. Jongho's heart softened, he couldn't hide his happiness that after all these years, you still remembered this small detail about him. 

Jongho's chuckle filled the air, "Some things never change, huh?" he remarked, his eyes crinkling at the corners with a mixture of amusement and affection. As he took a sip of his favorite drink, you couldn't help but marvel at the simplicity of the moment—the way his smile illuminated the space between you, bridging the years that had stretched thin with absence. 

"So, how did the meeting go? You seem to be at ease," you asked as you also took a sip of your warm drink. 

Jongho took a deep breath, his gaze falling to his coffee cup before meeting your eyes again. "The meeting... it went well, better than I expected." He paused, collecting his thoughts. "I was nervous, of course. I didn't know how they would react. But they were understanding. They want to support me." He paused again, a thoughtful expression on his face. "There's a lot to consider, a lot of potential challenges ahead. But I feel... hopeful." He gave you a small, sincere smile, his eyes filled with determination. "They would like to make it public as soon as possible," Jongho added, "It's the best way to control the narrative so I wanted to ask you, how do you feel about it?" Jongho's words caught you off guard. You took a deep breath, collecting your thoughts before replying. You understood the importance of controlling the narrative, especially given Jongho's status. 

"That's... a lot to take in, Jongho. I understand why the company wants to move quickly, but I feel it’s too soon," you expressed, your voice laced with concern. 

Jongho listened attentively, his brow furrowing slightly as he absorbed your words. "You need to know that it’s crucial that we let the world know. If the media finds out sooner than we release a statement, it can get ugly," he explained, his tone serious. 

"I just want you to focus on meeting Nari first," you countered, your priority clear in your mind. Only a day had passed since Jongho found out about Nari's existence, and you felt like everything was spiraling out of your control. You wanted him in your lives, you did, but the way things were evolving felt like you were losing control and it made you panic. As silly as it sounds, you hadn't considered the fact that Jongho's popularity would inevitably put a spotlight on your daughter, too. This situation was more complex than you had anticipated, a factor you hadn't considered at first. What if you go public and within a few weeks, Jongho grows tired of being a father? What if he leaves? What if Nari becomes too much for him to handle? What if reality falls short of his expectations? So many questions swirled in your mind, yet answers remained elusive. 

"I don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing you, but you need to understand that it’s best for us if we go public now." Jongho's voice pulled you from your thoughts. ''If we do, I won’t have to worry about getting caught spending time with her, and I'll be at ease." He reasoned; his voice laced with a hint of urgency. 

"Then why do I feel like you are pushing me?" You snapped; the frustration clear in your voice. "Look, you can't just come into our lives and expect me to go along with everything the company or you want. It's not that simple." 

Jongho looked taken aback by your sudden outburst. He ran a hand through his hair, a clear sign of his stress. "I'm... I'm sorry if it feels that way," he stammered out, his eyes filled with regret. "That wasn't my intention. I just... I just thought it would be best for us, for Nari. But you're right, I should have taken your feelings into consideration too." 

"Do you even realize how this will affect her?" You finally voiced out the concern that had been eating at you. "Are you aware of the fact that by stepping into our lives, everything will change?" Your voice was steady, but the worry was evident in your eyes. "There will be media scrutiny, pressure, and unwanted attention. Can you assure me that you are ready for all of this? Can you assure me that you are ready to protect Nari from all of it?" You both sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Jongho looked conflicted, his gaze dropping to the floor as he processed your words.  

After a long moment, he finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. "I... I understand your concerns," Jongho began, his hands clasped tightly in his lap. "And I won't pretend that I have all the answers. But what I can assure you is that I'm ready to face whatever comes our way. I am ready to protect Nari, to be there for her, no matter what." His words hung heavy in the silence that followed, a testament to his sincerity and resolve. You could see the determination in his eyes, the unwavering will that had always defined Jongho. It gave you a glimmer of hope, a small but still hope. 

"Jongho, I appreciate your willingness, and I don't want you to feel like I'm cutting your wings, but you don't know Nari at all. How can you be so sure you want to be her father?" 

Jongho's face tightened, a mixture of frustration and desperation evident in his expression. "How can you ask me that?" he said, his voice low but intense. "She's, my daughter. I don't have to know everything about her to want to be there for her. I want to get to know her, to be a part of her life, to love her like a father should." 

You sighed, rubbing your temples as you tried to find the right words. "Jongho, it's not that simple. Being a father is more than just a title. It means being there for her every day, through the good and the bad. It means understanding her needs, her fears, her dreams. It's a lifetime commitment, not something you can just jump into because you feel guilty or responsible." 

Jongho listened attentively, a mixture of emotions playing on his face. "I understand your concerns," he said solemnly. "I know it's not simple. But I am committed to this. I don't just want to be a father in name, I want to be a father in every sense of the word. And I am ready to make that lifetime commitment." His words echoed in your mind; you felt his sincerity. You looked at him, your eyes searching for the truth. And what you saw in his gaze was not just determination, but also a deep sense of resolve.  

"Jongho, I've been doing this on my own for the past four years. Please, try to put yourself in my position. The life I've known is about to change drastically," you looked him in the eyes, your heart nervously pounding in your chest. 

Jongho was silent for a moment, his gaze locked with yours. "I understand, and I'm sorry if I've been insensitive. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you," he said, "But I want you to know that I'm committed to being there for Nari, and for you, no matter what." 

"No matter what?" you sighed. "Jongho, I've heard that before," you stated, your voice steady despite the turmoil within. "I heard it five years ago. I heard it right at the very beginning that you would be there for me no matter what. And you know what you did? You gave up." You didn't know what came over you to say those words. Was it fear? Was it a lack of trust? You knew it was a low blow, and you knew that five years ago the breakup was inevitable, that your relationship was doomed from the start. 

Jongho's expression softened, regret evident in his eyes as he listened to your words. He reached out tentatively, his hand hovering in the air for a moment before he gently placed it on yours. "I understand your frustration," he said, his voice low and filled with sincerity. "I know I've made a mistake, and I can't change the past. But I can promise you that I'm committed to doing right by you and Nari now and in the future." 

Your heart pounded in your chest as you listened to his words. He was trying, you could see that. But it was hard to let go of the past hurt and the fear of the unknown. Still, you knew you had to give him the opportunity to prove himself. 

"I appreciate your words, Jongho," you admitted, meeting his gaze. "But actions speak louder than words. I need you to show me that you're serious about this." 

His grip tightened slightly around your hand, "I understand," he said, determination shining in his eyes. "And I will, I promise." 

"Alright," you uttered in a gentle, almost whisper-like tone. "We have a lot to figure out, but I appreciate your commitment and I hope you will keep your promises." 

"Thank you for giving me a chance," Jongho stated, as he gently squeezed your hand. In the whirlwind of emotions, you hadn't even noticed his touch, but now it sent shivers down your spine. You felt a blush creeping up your cheeks as you looked into his earnest eyes, the intensity of his gaze stirring something deep within you. For a moment, neither of you spoke, the cafe around you buzzed with activity, yet in that small bubble you shared, it felt like time had slowed down. You found yourself captivated by the sincerity in Jongho's eyes, the determination to right the wrongs of the past clear in his touch. "I mean it, Y/N," he continued softly, his thumb gently brushing against the back of your hand. "I want to make things right." His words hung in the air, filled with hope. You felt a lump form in your throat, torn between the desire to believe him and the fear of getting hurt again. Yet, as you looked at Jongho, you saw a flicker of the boy you had once loved, now a man ready to fight for a second chance. 

Allowing a moment of vulnerability, you spoke softly, your voice barely above a whisper. The words seemed to hang in the air between you and Jongho, a quiet plea in the midst of the swirling emotions. Your eyes met his, a mixture of fear and hope reflecting in your gaze. "Please," you found yourself saying again, the word almost lost in the silence that had fallen over the room. "Please be patient with me." 

Jongho nodded understandingly, his gaze softening as he took in your words. "I understand," he responded, his voice gentle. "I'll be patient. We can take all the time you need." The warmth of his hand in yours was comforting, and despite the turmoil of emotions inside you, it brought a sense of familiarity and reassurance.

His understanding and patience gave you a glimmer of hope, a small but significant comfort in the turmoil of emotions you were feeling. "I appreciate that," you said, your voice steadier now. You paused for a moment, gathering your thoughts before continuing. "I need time to adjust to this... to everything. And I need you to understand that." 

Jongho nodded again, his gaze never leaving yours. "I do understand," he replied earnestly. "And I promise to respect your boundaries and give you all the time you need." His words, spoken with such sincerity, eased the tension in your shoulders. His reassurance brought a fleeting sense of relief, yet beneath it lingered a complex tapestry of emotions—doubt, longing, and a cautious hope for what the future might hold. You knew this journey would be fraught with challenges, uncertainties, and moments of vulnerability. But in that shared moment of understanding with Jongho, you found a fragile yet resilient thread to hold onto as you navigated the path ahead together. 

You gave him a small, grateful smile. "Thank you," you said softly. 

"I understand it might be a challenging situation for you. However, if you would allow it, I'd appreciate the chance to see Nari soon," he requested, his voice maintaining a gentle and understanding tone throughout. 

The thought of Jongho spending time with Nari brought a mix of emotions. There was fear, of course, but also a spark of hope. After a moment of silence, you finally spoke. "That sounds like a good idea," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady. "We can start with a short visit, see how she reacts, and then decide the next step." 

Jongho took a deep breath before speaking again. "Should I bring something, when I come to meet her?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood a bit. "I could maybe bring her some ATEEZ related things?" 

You looked up at him, a playful smile dancing on your lips. "In that case, just bring Wooyoung with you," you joked, your eyes sparkling with humor. 

Jongho chuckled softly at your playful jab, his eyes crinkling at the corners with genuine amusement. "I'll see what I can do," he replied with a teasing grin, playing along with your humor. The tension that had gripped the room moments ago seemed to ease, replaced by a light-hearted exchange that offered a brief reprieve from the weighty conversation. You appreciated the way Jongho could effortlessly lighten the mood, even in the midst of discussing serious matters. It reminded you of the connection you once shared, a bond that still held a spark of warmth and familiarity despite the passage of time. 

After a moment, Jongho's expression softened, his gaze meeting yours with a hint of sincerity. "On a serious note, though," he began, his voice gentle yet earnest, "is there anything specific she likes? I want to make a good impression." You appreciated his thoughtfulness and the genuine effort he was putting into getting to know Nari. It reassured you that he was serious about being a part of her life, despite the uncertainties that lingered between you. 

"Well," you started, "she loves music," a smile tugging at your lips as you added, "just like her dad. " Jongho smiled right back at you hearing you finally referring to him as Nari’s dad. "Anything related to ATEEZ would definitely catch her attention. Oh, and she's a big fan of animals, especially puppies." 

Jongho nodded thoughtfully, mentally noting down your suggestions. "Got it. ATEEZ merchandise and maybe something with a puppy theme," he mused with a smile. "I'll make sure to pick out something special for her." 

"But please, for the love of God, don't bring her a real puppy," you interjected with a laugh, shaking your head at the thought of adding a pet to your already hectic life. 

Jongho chuckled warmly, relieved at the lighthearted moment amidst the weighty conversation. "Noted," he replied, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "No live animals. I promise." 

The tension seemed to ease between you both, replaced by a comfortable silence. You couldn't help but feel a surge of gratitude towards Jongho. Despite the complexities and challenges ahead, his genuine effort to connect with Nari filled you with hope. Maybe, just maybe, this could be the beginning of something beautiful—for Nari, for you, and for Jongho. 

"I want this to go well. I want Nari to feel comfortable around me," Jongho expressed earnestly, his voice tinged with determination and a hint of nervousness. 

"Nari is a social butterfly; she likes people," you stated with a fond smile, pride evident in your voice as you talked about your daughter. "I’m sure she will feel comfortable," you assured him. "Just be yourself and take it one step at a time." 

Jongho listened attentively, nodding as he took in your words. "I'll do my best," he replied sincerely, a mix of determination and nervousness in his expression. He appreciated your reassurance and advice, knowing how crucial it was to approach this meeting with patience and understanding. "I want to make a good impression on her," he added softly, his eyes reflecting his sincerity. Deep down, he felt the weight of responsibility as he prepared to meet his daughter for the first time. He wanted nothing more than for Nari to accept him into her life, and he knew he had to tread carefully to earn her trust. 

You smiled warmly at him, grateful for his genuine effort. "I'm sure you will," you encouraged, reaching out to gently squeeze his hand. "Just follow her lead, and let things unfold naturally." 

With a nod, Jongho took a deep breath, steeling himself for the momentous occasion ahead. "Thank you for giving me this opportunity," he said earnestly, his gratitude evident in his voice. 

"Maybe you could come around the day after tomorrow?" you asked him. 

Jongho seemed taken aback by the sudden invitation but quickly recovered. "Of course," he agreed a soft smile on his lips. "I'd love to spend some time with Nari. And... with you," he added, a hint of hesitation in his voice. 

Your eyes grew bigger with his words, and you suddenly pulled your hand away from his touch. Your heart swelled with a mixture of emotions. You felt a flutter in your stomach, but you pushed it down. Now was not the time for such feelings. Jongho's eyes widened slightly at your sudden withdrawal, a flicker of surprise crossing his features. He quickly masked his reaction, a practiced ease settling over him. "Good. It's settled then. We'll see you the day after tomorrow," you said, the finality in your voice hiding the whirlpool of emotions inside you. Caught off guard by Jongho's words and by the way you had reacted to them, you quickly gathered your thoughts. Many emotions swirled inside you, yet you knew you couldn't afford to dwell on them yet. With a soft sigh, you looked at Jongho, your eyes reflecting a complex mixture of surprise, uncertainty, and a hint of something else. "But for now, I have to go," you finally said, your voice laced with a touch of regret. Jongho's eyes widened slightly at the abrupt change in topic, but he didn't interrupt. "There are still so many things I need to take care of. Mom duties call," you added with a small, somewhat forced, chuckle. 

"Can I walk you back to your apartment?" Jongho offered, 

"No!" you responded quickly, the urgency in your voice surprising even yourself. Jongho's eyebrows furrowed in confusion at your sudden outburst. He was taken aback, but he tried not to show it. You hadn't meant to sound so harsh, but the thought of Jongho walking you back to your apartment was something you weren't ready for yet. After your abrupt refusal, the space between you fell into an uncomfortable silence. You could feel Jongho's gaze on you, filled with confusion and concern, but you kept your eyes trained on your hands, nervously fidgeting in your lap. 

"Alright," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. Jongho simply nodded, understanding but clearly disappointed. "If that's what you want." You nodded, avoiding his gaze. The knot in your stomach tightened as you saw the understanding but clearly disappointed look on his face. You wanted to say something, anything really, to sweep the disappointed look from his face, but the words wouldn't form in your mind. So, you got up from your chair, somewhat awkwardly, and smiled at him, trying hard for the smile to seem real. "I'll see you soon," you said and with that, you hurried to the door. As you left the cafe, leaving Jongho utterly confused and disappointed, a heavy lump formed in your throat, and a flurry of mixed emotions swirled within your heart. 

In your haste to leave the café, you didn't realize you had left your phone behind on the table. Your mind was a whirl of thoughts, emotions bombarding your senses as you made your way out of the café, walking down the street, lost in your own world. The crowd around you seemed to blur into the background as your thoughts consumed you, making you oblivious to the fact that you had left your device behind. Meanwhile, back at the café, Jongho was still sitting at the table, lost in his own sea of emotions. The way you had abruptly declined his offer to walk you home, storming out of the cafe without a second glance, played heavily on Jongho's mind. He sat there, his mind processing the conversation, the weight of your words still hanging in the air. Jongho couldn't help but analyze his words. Was it possible that you were uncomfortable with him implying that he wanted to spend time with you? He pondered, his mind racing with uncertainty. Had it been wrong for him to hope that you two could rebuild what once was? The questions left him feeling uneasy and full of doubt. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't notice the phone you had left behind until it started to ring. The sudden noise startled him, his heart pounding quickly in his chest as he glanced down at the source of the sound. Seeing your phone lying on the table, he reached out and grabbed it with a sense of urgency. The ringing seemed unusually loud in the quiet café, each ring amplifying the tension he was already feeling. He swiftly picked the phone up, a sense of anxiety washing over him, his eyes instinctively glanced at the caller ID… Hyunwoo?

Many thoughts spun through his mind like a whirlwind. Who was this Hyunwoo? Was he a friend, a relative, or someone closer to you? The possibility that gnawed at him the most was, were you in a relationship with him? The question echoed in his mind, each repetition adding to his anxiety. He tried to dismiss the thoughts, to tell himself he was overthinking, but they were like persistent intruders, refusing to leave. The unanswered call, the ringing that seemed to grow exponentially louder with each passing second, felt like it was taunting him. His palms were sweaty, his heart racing in his chest like a drum. The name 'Hyunwoo' seemed to be etched in his mind, each blink imprinting it deeper. His gaze fell on the phone again, the screen now dark, the call ended. But the echo of the ringtone still seemed to linger in the air, a haunting reminder of the question that had now taken root in his mind. Jongho was left sitting there, alone in the silence of the cafe, the weight of the unanswered call and the unknown identity of this Hyunwoo pressing down on him. The sense of unease was wrapping around him like a shroud. As much as he tried, he couldn't shake off the thought of you being in a relationship with another man. It was a possibility he hadn't considered, and it filled him with a dread he couldn't explain. Just as Jongho was caught up in his thoughts, your phone screen lit up again. This time, it was a text message notification. Despite his better judgment, Jongho couldn't help but glance at the screen. The message preview displayed on the lock screen,

Hyunwoo: hi love! could you please call me back asap? can’t wait to see you today!

The text message hit Jongho like a punch to the gut. The words hi love and can't wait to see you today echoed in his mind, each phrase laced with an intimacy that confirmed his worst fears. Hyunwoo wasn't just a friend or a relative; he was someone special to you. The realization struck Jongho hard, sending a wave of mixed emotions crashing over him. He felt a sharp pang of jealousy, but also confusion and sadness. He had no right to feel this way, he reminded himself. You were entitled to your own life, and your own relationships. But knowing this didn't make the pain any less real. As he sat there, staring at the phone, a part of him wanted to call Hyunwoo back, to hear his voice and understand more about the man who seemed to hold such a significant place in your life. But he knew that would be wrong. This wasn't his business, and it wouldn't help the situation.

Instead, he took a deep breath and decided to focus on what he could do. You had left your phone behind, and that was the immediate issue that needed solving. He had to find you and return your phone. Determined to set aside his own feelings for now, Jongho stood up and left the café. He scanned the street, hoping to catch a glimpse of you in the crowd. As Jongho walked down the street, your phone safely in his pocket, his mind raced with an onslaught of thoughts and emotions. He chastised himself for not asking sooner if you were seeing someone. How could he have been so naive? You were an attractive, remarkable woman—of course, there was a chance someone else had captured your heart during the years you were apart. The idea of you being in love with someone else felt like a knife twisting in his chest. Was he foolish to think you could rekindle what you once had? The possibility of being a family had seemed so tangible just moments ago. Now, the reality of Hyunwoo's message loomed over him, threatening to shatter that dream. Jongho's thoughts spiraled. He questioned if your heart had moved on if you had found solace in someone else's arms. How could you not, after all these years? Life doesn't stand still, and he had to confront the painful possibility that you might have found happiness without him. Jongho had held onto the hope that one day, you could rebuild what was lost. But now, doubt gnawed at him. Was it too late? With each step, the questions grew louder. The image of Hyunwoo's affectionate message replayed in his mind, fueling his insecurity. Jongho needed answers. He had to know if there was still a chance for the two of you, or if he was holding onto a dream that had long since slipped away. Finally, as he turned the last corner that led directly to your apartment complex, he saw you. You were heading towards a small, colorful playground. Relief and anxiety washed over him in equal measure. He called out your name, his voice carrying a mix of desperation and hope.

You turned, surprise and confusion flickering across your face as you saw him approaching. Jongho reached you, slightly out of breath, and pulled your phone from his pocket, handing it to you. "You left this at the café," he said, trying to steady his voice.

"Oh," you breathed out, taking the phone from him. "Thank you." You glanced down at the device, momentarily distracted, before looking back up at Jongho. "I didn't even realize..."

He nodded, taking a deep breath. "There's something I need to ask you."

You looked at him, a hint of worry in your eyes. "What is it?"

"Mommy!" Your attention was quickly diverted by the sound of your daughter's voice. Turning, you saw Nari running towards you from the playground, her face lit up with joy. It was a sight that always warmed your heart,

"Sweetie," you greeted, bending down to scoop her up into your arms. Nari wrapped her arms around your neck, giggling happily. "Were you waiting for mommy?" you asked her, your voice soft and filled with warmth. As you looked around the playground, your eyes landed on your mom who was standing a little distance away, waving at you.

"Yes, mommy!" Nari replied excitedly. Jongho watched the tender scene unfold before him, his heart aching with a longing he tried to suppress. Despite the questions swirling in his mind, he couldn't help but feel a pang of affection as he saw you with your daughter. The sight of you two together was beautiful, yet it filled him with a bittersweet emotion. He yearned to be a part of it, to share in the joy and laughter.

As Nari looked over your shoulder, her eyes widened in recognition a bright smile spreading across her face. "Mommy, it's Uncle Jongho!" she exclaimed, her voice filled with wonder. She wriggled out of your arms and ran towards Jongho, her little arms outstretched.

Jongho, taken aback but pleasantly surprised, crouched down to her level, taking her in his arms. "Hey, Nari," he greeted, his voice soft.

"What are you doing here? Did you miss me?" She giggled, her eyes sparkling with amusement and curiosity.

Jongho chuckled softly at her question. "Of course, I missed you," he replied, playing along with her innocent curiosity.

"Will you play with me?" she asked, her head resting on his shoulder, her eyes glimmering as she looked up at him. Jongho looked at you, awaiting your response.

"Actually, sweetheart, Uncle Jongho was just leaving. But he'll come to play with you soon, alright?"

Nari's eyes lit up at the promise of a future playdate. "Really?" she asked, her voice filled with excitement. "Promise?"

Jongho nodded, managing a small smile despite the turmoil inside him. "I promise, Nari." His eyes met yours again, the intensity of his gaze reflecting his determination to keep his word.

Nari giggled, obviously pleased. "Okay! I will wait for you, Uncle Jongho!" After Nari's giggle subsided, Jongho gently set her back on her feet, giving her a warm smile. Nari beamed back at him, her eyes shining with enthusiasm. "Remember," she said in a voice full of excitement, "you can bring Uncle Wooyoung with you!"

Her innocent request brought a genuine chuckle from Jongho, he nodded in agreement. "I'll see what I can do about that," he replied playfully.

"Me and Grandma made cookies for Uncle Wooyoung!" she stated proudly, her smile growing even wider. "I want to give him my cookies!" Her words were filled with such joy and anticipation that it was contagious. You couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm.

The way Nari's face lit up at the thought of giving cookies to Uncle Wooyoung touched your heart. "That's very sweet of you, Nari," you replied, ruffling her hair affectionately. "I'm sure Uncle Wooyoung will love your cookies."

Jongho looked at Nari, his heart filling with warmth at her innocent excitement. "And I'm sure they're the best cookies in the whole world," he added, earning a delighted giggle from Nari.

Nari was quick to respond. "I have them in my backpack!" she exclaimed, her face lighting up with excitement. Before Jongho could react, she turned on her heel and dashed off towards her grandmother. Jongho watched her, his eyes never leaving her. He saw her reach her grandmother and point to her backpack. The older woman bent down and handed the small backpack to Nari, who eagerly began to rummage through it. After a moment, she pulled out a small purple box and turned back to face Jongho, her eyes sparkling with anticipation. With the box clutched tightly in her hands, she started running back towards him.

With the box tightly held in her small hands, Nari hurried back to Jongho, a wide smile on her face. "Here, Uncle Jongho!" she exclaimed, holding out the box to him. "These are the cookies!"

Jongho accepted the box with a soft smile, his heart warming at the innocent gesture. "Thank you, Nari," he said, his voice gentle. "I'm sure Uncle Wooyoung will love them."

"Promise you'll give them to him?" Nari asked, her eyes wide with hope.

Jongho nodded, meeting her earnest gaze with a gentle smile. "I promise, Nari." With that, he stood up, sharing a last glance with you, "I think it's time for me to leave," he said, his voice tinged with a hint of sadness. He looked at you and then at Nari, his gaze lingering on her cheerful face. There was a hint of regret in his eyes, a silent wish that he could stay longer, and be a part of this world that you and Nari shared. But he knew he had to respect your boundaries and give you the space and time you needed. So, with a heavy heart, he turned to leave, his steps slow and reluctant.

Before he could turn away completely, Nari's voice stopped him. "Bye, Uncle Jongho!" she called out, waving at him. "Don't forget the cookies!" Her innocent reminder brought a small smile to his face, momentarily easing the heaviness in his heart.

"I won't, Nari," he promised, waving back at her. Then, with a final glance at you, he walked away, his figure gradually disappearing into the crowd.

As you watched him leave, you couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions. There was relief, yes, but also a strange sense of loss, a lingering sadness that surprised you. Despite the complexities and challenges ahead, Jongho's genuine effort to connect with Nari stirred a hopeful spark in your heart. Maybe, just maybe, this could be the beginning of something beautiful.

[petalruesimblr]

The Stonewood

Sim File Share

Welcome to The Stonewood! This cozy home is perfect for two and features a classic stone façade that adds a touch of rustic charm while the interior comes fully furnished with elegant wooden furniture. Though it may be a bit pricey for a couple, the comfort and style are well worth it. Make this delightful home yours today!

Price Furnished: 27, 907 Price Unfurnished: 15, 829 Lot Size: 20x15 Lot Type: Residential Store Content: None CC Used: Click here File Type: Package Min. Required Game Version: 1.42 Packs Needed: The Sims 3, Ambitions (roof, wallpaper, trees and door), Pets, Generations, Late Night, Seasons and Supernatural (animated curtains cc)

Hi everyone! I'm back with another build and this time it's a small house but it's a bit pricey for just two Sims. It's fully furnished and includes a space for a small garden on the side, which can alternatively be used as a car park if you prefer.

Click on the ’Keep Reading’ below for more information and pictures on this lot.

This lot has been play-tested, ensuring that all items are accessible within the limited space and function properly including the desk and shower.

However, I haven't tested the curtains yet and according to their description they are designed to close during the night. This feature mimics the Supernatural haunted paintings, which change from a calm picture to spooky at night. Based on the description, it should work with the base game but I can't guarantee the animation will work without the expansion pack. Just a heads up when you're downloading the CC.

📣Please note that the CC included in the lot are not included on the download file. I’ve compiled a list for those interested in downloading them separately (please click the links above or go to WCIF Navigation page) but those are not required and will be automatically replaced in the game. The Ambitions expansion packs is required due to the build items used in the lot as stated in the Details section above.

Let me know if you experience any problems on your end!

[concretecultist]

Hey! Would you be up for writing Matt smut? Author’s choice on the topic!

I love a little angst so I had to add a little bit of that in here if that was okay!

THIS IS ALL FICTIONAL. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THESE THEMES.

18+!!!!

Warnings: a lil bit of angst, smut, p in v , oral (f and m receiving) unprotected sex, mentions of crying

A/n: I don’t know how to write short stories so I hope that it’s okay that it’s not a Drabble or anything. Pls reblog if you enjoyed 🥰

~Berry🫐

———

“Your job always comes first, I get it,” here you are, once again just hoping Matt would compromise. His visits are always short, he’s always on the road, home doesn’t feel like home anymore.

“Oh come on, don’t say it like that,” Matt was tired of the back and forth too, but there was only so much he could do, the guys were blowing up and this was his job, he can’t abandon that.

“Like what?,” you wanted to hide the tears, you hated for him to see you cry, even after years of being together, crying was something you still felt ashamed about, you were working on that though.

“As if you come second!,”

“Don’t I though?,” with a squint of your eyes you tilt your head in hopes to get your point across, “This job… this life is who you were before you met me and it will always be who you are. It will always come first and I’m not expecting you to completely abandon that responsibility but I have sacrificed to be there for you. I have exceeded my vacation time to fly with you the moment you ask. All I want is a little more time with you than a week every other month,”

There was a silence that filled the air and honestly, there was nothing Matt could really say. You have sacrificed a lot. You’ve pulled late nights at work just to build more PTO to travel with him, you’ve missed out on office parties because he was supposed to be your plus one but something came up to where he couldn’t be there.

But even the traveling with him wasn’t enough.

You wanted something domestic. Something that didn’t involve tight bunk beds, jet lag and itchy hotel towels.

You wanted movie nights in the solace of your own home, bubble baths together, morning walks and home cooked meals. Obviously, you knew what you signed up for but it was getting a little harder to handle now and you just wanted him there.

“So, where do we go from here?,” he was worried to hear you answer. Was this an ideal situation? No. But you were worth it, and when Matt envisions settling down, you’re there. He knows this is hard but he just needs you to hold on a little longer.

“We move forward,” you answer as if it was simple, and really, it was. “This is hard but at least I still get to call you mine at the end of the day. I still get to call you and say I love you and when you are home, I get to feel your warm embrace and enjoy your company. I know this is your dream and you love it so I’m willing to be patient.. All I want is a little more effort,”

“I’ll give it,” he answered quickly, “I’ll give it. I’ll do more, I will try harder because I don’t want to lose you. You’re endgame… I just want to build a life for us and this is the only way I know how,”

You can see the cogs turning in his mind and he’s starting to overthink this. So you’re pulling him on to the bed with you to climb in his lap.

“Listen,” you sigh with a kiss to his cheek, ‘I don’t want to spend the rest of our time arguing about this. There are… other ways we could be spending our time,”

He hears the teasing edge in your tone and he perks up like a curious dog and you love the way the smirk grows on his face.

“Do tell?,”

“I think the best way to let the other know that we missed each other isn’t by going back and forth about it, but by… proving it,”

You remove the hat that has become a daily accessory.

“I know you missed the way I kissed right here,” your tone is dressed with desire when you kiss right under his ear, once the kiss is planted, you feel him shiver, “I know you missed the way I wear your Cannibal Corpse shirt with just a pair of underwear like I am now,”

You would be the death of this man. Being on the road was hard enough but not being able to be intimate with his girl was torture.

So he took control, like he always does and suddenly you feel shy.

Matt was a lover boy and just like you always made sure he felt loved and handsome, he makes sure you feel loved and beautiful. He knows that after so much time spent apart that you begin feel self conscious about showing yourself to him.

His hand makes its way up under the shirt to cup your breasts to feel your nipples harden under his touch.

It never fails. He knows how to melt your worries away with a simple touch.

“I love it when you look at me like,” he beams, his smile was healing, every time he smiled it was like you were floating because it was a smile made for you.

“Like what?,” your eyes are glazed over now, under his spell of casual dominance

“Like I hung the stars in the sky by hand, one by one,” his head dips down to plant kisses all over your stomach, a finger dipping under the waistband of your panties, spreading the wetness that was there for him to devour.

His lips were on your clit in no time, your hands tangling in his hair. It’s like every time he goes down on you, your lungs are pumped full of the freshest air. He always took care of you and he could always tell that was a fact with the way you would call out his name.

“Mattyyyyyy,” he could reel an orgasm out of you in record time, you were his girl and it was only fair that he do just that.

Despite you just cumming around his fingers, he wasn’t ready to withdraw them from you, so he kept moving them in and out of you at a tantalizing pace. He was hypnotized by the way you coated his fingers, like his appendages were a painting but it wasn’t complete until they were coated with a gloss.

“I want to take care of you,” an exhausted voice rings through his ears, pulling him out of his daze.

“You are,” he answered plainly.

Matt was the type of guy to get his rocks off from his girl being well taken care of. He loved it when you took care of him, however, letting him take care of you was indeed, you taking care of him.

“No, I NEED to take care of you,” you sit up and pull away which caused Matt to whine as his fingers were removed from your core, “I spent too long without the weight of you in my mouth. I just wanna take care of you,”

How could he say no when you sound so pretty like that? With that needy pout.

It wasn’t long before you find yourself flat on your stomach in between his legs with his heavy length in your mouth. He was a pretty man but this angle right here? With his head propped up on some pillows, looking down at you with hooded eyes, sweat beading on his forehead, little gasps escaping his pink, parted lips? It was an unmatched view. It was a view that you wanted tattooed on your skin, it was an image worth hanging up on your wall.

“Just like that, baby,” his thumb caressed your cheek while you made a mess in his lap, spit dripping down your chin, pretty doe eyes staring back up at him, if you didn’t stop, he was going to cum and he didn’t want to cum just yet. He’s gone long enough without being inside you and he’ll be damned if he cums anywhere else.

But he wasn’t ready to remove himself from your mouth just yet.

Your tongue circled him so well, you gagged around him so deliciously, the way you made sure to pay his balls some attention while stroking him always had his heels digging into the mattress.

“Baby please,” his plea was a mixture of a whimper and a groan and you knew you had to give him a break. Pulling off of him with a pop, you were back in his lap, lips immediately attaching to his so that he could taste himself off your tongue and you could taste yourself off of his.

You don’t know how much time has passed as you could kiss him forever if you could, but Matt couldn’t handle the feeling of you dripping onto him, he couldn’t handle the pulsing of your core.

You were about to take off the shirt you’re wearing but he stopped you, “Keep it on,” he demanded so sweetly.

“Not to cover you up but, I just like taking you when you wear my clothes,” he was so gentle when flipping you over and lifting the shirt up just enough to reveal your breasts in which he took in his mouth, working up the courage to slide in. He was just so nervous that he would bust embarrassingly quick.

“Mattyyy,” it was a sweet hum, a call to him that he wouldn’t dare ignore.

“I got you, honey,” removing himself from your chest to use one hand to hold the back of your head as he pressed his forehead against yours, and using the other to guide himself into you.

Both of your mouths hung open as he slid in. He breathed in your moan as if to siphon your life force to keep him alive.

Your thighs were wide open, heels resting on his lower back as he built up a pace. He was hitting every spot. It was too good and yet you couldn’t close your eyes because how do you tear them away when he’s staring you directly into your soul?

“Don’t stop,” is all you can say, “Please, please, please,”

He uses his free hand to take one of your legs and push it back until it’s touching your chest. This new angle brings tears to your eyes as it helps him dig deeper until you feel him in your stomach.

“Fuck, I missed you!,” your hands wrap around his neck just needing to feel him under your touch.

“I know, baby. I missed you too,”

The kiss he delivers is packed with need and frustration. He needs you so bad and your circumstances keep this from happening more often, but it also makes these moments so much more fulfilling.

It was so difficult to focus on one sensation that it felt like you were about to crumble into pieces. The feeling of his lips on yours, teeth clashing, feeling him grip your hair at the back of your head, feeling the skin of his forehead on yours. The way he won’t break your eye contact, the feeling of his breathy moans on your lips.

It was pushing you closer to the edge and you couldn’t help the tears from flowing.

Then you have the feeling of his hand tightly gripping the crease of your knee like his life depended on it. But you know it was to keep him grounded so he didn’t cum before you did. Then you have his pelvis grinding onto your clit as he rolled his hips into you. The feeling of his tip nudging your cervix and the length of him hitting every other spot that caused you to tremble in his grasp.

“Matty I think.. it’s too much, I can’t,”

“You’re almost there, baby. You know I got you, you can do it,”

You had no choice but to tighten your grip. Your eyes had no choice but to flutter as he picked up the pace, pelvis slapping against yours when he sat back on his heels to drink in the view of your fucked out face with your breasts on display in his shirt.

“No!, come back, please. Come back, come back,” you really just needed him near. Even with him literally inside of you, he was just too far away.

He understands, he just needed to take a mental picture of how ethereal you look right now.

“I’m right here,” his forehead is on yours once more and his swollen lips are tangling with yours for the umpteenth time tonight.

“You can do it, baby. Can you cum for me? I know it’s a lot but you can do it,”

The way he coaxed you was your undoing.

You didn’t care how loud you were as your orgasm ripped you apart at the seams, taking every ounce of energy, it felt so good you couldn’t help but sob.

“That’s it,” he whispered, “That’s my girl,”

With a few more strokes, due to you throbbing around him, Matt’s resolve unraveled and he was spilling inside of you. Both of you huffing and trying to catch your breath.

He tried to get off of you to clean you up but you wrapped your arms even tighter around his neck and whimpered one simple word.

“No,”

“I have to clean you up,”

“I really just need you close, Matty. Please don’t leave right now. Just stay,”

He could hear the desperation in your voice. It was a sound he hadn’t heard in a while.

For the duration of your relationship, you’d kept a brave face, always keeping in mind that you will see Matt again, that you will hold him and kiss him and laugh with him again.

But tonight the brave face had to be hung up on the wall and it was now time to wear the face of vulnerability.

“Just stay right here, a little longer. Please?,”

How could he say no?

You loved the feeling of him weighing you down because it helped remind you that he was here, that he was real.

Matt made it look easy, to be able to leave and not get emotional. But little did you know, it’s been eating him up inside for ages.

He knew something would have to give.

[onpointedfeetandbrokendreams]

Day 6 - DBDA Week

Day 6 of Dead Boy Detectives Appreciation Week: 10th-16th June by @dbdcentral (One day late sorry!)

Prompt: Butterfly Effect

Relationships: Edwin Payne&Charles Rowland

Tags:  Time Travel, Time Travel Paradoxes

TW: Mentions of canon ritual sacrifices

--

There was a loud banging noise, and then the entire world started spinning in front of Edwin. He could still hear the echo of his own voice yelling “Charles no!” when the memories started to disappear. For a moment, he could see them before they vanished, almost like pieces of a puzzle dissolving one after the other in front of him: Port Townsend, the detective agency, he knew that, soon, he would forget Charles completely. He had to do something. He tore a piece of paper out of his notebook, praying to every god that may exist that the paper would somehow survive thanks to some paradox he couldn’t remember the name of in the short time he had left.

–

Edwin was in the aisle of St. Hilarion’s school for boys. His eyes were wet with tears, but he didn’t remember why he was crying. He noticed his books on the floor and picked them up, looking around shamefully to see if someone had noticed how he dropped them. Or maybe it had been Simon to throw them off, it would not have been the first time.

He had hoped that they would give him at least one day of truce, but if he was honest, he didn’t count on that too much. He still couldn’t believe the night he had, and the sheer luck when Simon had tripped on his own feet, giving him the chance to escape his grasp and run to the headmaster’s door to ask for help.

He didn’t want to know what would have happened if they had managed to go through with their plan. The headmaster had yelled at them, then stood in front of their dorm the entire night to make sure no one went out again, promising that they would all be punished the following morning. Edwin thought that maybe the punishment was the reason why he had been crying, even if the memory was a little blurred, presumably for the shock.

He went to the library to study because he didn’t have any more classes that day. It was then that he noticed a foreign piece of paper in between his notes. It was a small, white paper, and the calligraphy looked a lot like his own, even if not entirely. He looked it over for a while, confusion increasing with every word he read.

‘Edwin, please believe me when I say this is not your life, something terrible happened. Simon wanted to scare you by sacrificing you to a demon. If he tries it again, you have to let him do it. It will be hard, but it will be so, so worth it. Do not give up trying to escape, you will meet someone at the end of it all, and you will finally find a purpose, and you will be free and happy, more than you can possibly imagine. Wait in the attic, on January 8th, 1989.”

Edwin didn’t know why but he felt a profound desperation behind those words. There was something in the way they were written that made him feel like he had heard them before, and he found himself believing in them, even if they sounded impossible, especially with the mention of demons, and 1989. He also couldn’t exactly go to Simon and say “I am deeply sorry that I didn’t let you sacrifice me yesterday, would you like to try it again?” Not only because it sounded insane, but also because he wasn’t sure he wanted to be sacrificed to a demon.

He went about his day like usual, focusing on his schoolwork, then reading a book to pass the time, and finally going back to bed, but his mind kept wandering back to the paper, and to the promise of a life filled with purpose, freedom, and happiness.

Luckily - or maybe not so luckily, he still hadn’t decided - a few nights later Simon and his friends came to snatch him from his bed for the second time. He knew he could have avoided it, he was expecting them, he could have just talked to someone and asked for help, or switched dorms, but he hadn’t. He really hoped that what the note said was true.

–

When he finally saw the night sky open up in front of him, Edwin cried in relief. He had no idea how long he had been in that horrible place, running for his life every minute of every day, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Just walking in the mortal plane again was the best feeling he could imagine.

He still remembered the promise someone had made to him, of purpose, freedom and happiness, and he had clung onto it every second he spent in Hell. He walked the unfamiliar streets, hoping to find a newspaper with a place and a date to find out when and where exactly he was.

When he read January 12th 1989, he felt dread constricting his otherwise still chest. He ran aimlessly around the city, not recognizing any of the streets, until he found a building he did recognise. He climbed up the stairs of the main building of St. Hilarion’s boarding school to its attic, not knowing what he was supposed to find in there, and fearing that he would find nothing at all because it was too late.

He phased through the door, not bothering to open it, and his eyes laid on a boy his age, hunched down on the floor and covered in so many blankets. He was shivering, his eyes red from tears and unfocused, barely conscious. He mustn't have much time left. Thinking the boy couldn’t see him, he brought over a lantern he had found near the entrance of the building, hoping its warmth could give him some comfort.

The boy couldn’t speak, he was too weak to do more than raise his head, but when their eyes met it was like everything clicked into place. In that one instant, Edwin could see a lifetime together with him, he saw witches, demons, psychics, cats, crows, haunted houses, and so many other adventures lived by his side.

The boy - Charles, Edwin’s mind supplied - widened his eyes and asked with a feeble voice: “What are you doing here? You were supposed to live a beautiful life.”

Edwin smiled, understanding that Charles had shared the same flashbacks as him of a different life - he made a mental note to study more about this peculiar event when they were back home. Out loud, he said:

“And give up my future with you? Never. Now let’s go find that Book of Time again and put things back in their right order.”

By then, Charles was barely able to keep his eyes open, he just managed to mumble: 

“Read to me first?”

[useyourwordsdarling]

Hey, I hope this isn't too rude considering you already have an effing mountain of asks in your inbox, but I wanted to express my gratitude. No pressure to respond; I just hope you see it, and it makes you smile. Just read the pink out of this word salad; my kink is that I feel the need to explain my reasoning like a proper STEM idiot.

(below explaining why I'm thanking you essentially)

Probably oversharing here, but:

For the last two years or so, I've started to believe that the only men who would accept me were those that needed me as their therapist rather than a partner. I don't mean just listening to them; I mean them struggling with mental health crises and me having to pick up the pieces like the empathetic dumbass I am (and them being too scared to call the hospital). These are just the sort of people I seem to attract. As you can imagine, that did wonders for my self-worth and future perception of people who hit on me.

I already consider myself an eccentric woman. Among other things, my libido often feels insatiable. I write smut both on and off tumblr, the latter of which is some of the most nonsensical, most embarrassing, most bizarre shit I have ever written. 783 pages since 2020, the last 100 pages of which have been me realizing I have a deep-seated desire to be a cocksleeve. It's hard enough to tell people how much I care about having a healthy, passionate sexual relationship without bringing any of that into the mix.

(end explanation, TL;DR I attract shitty men and am insecure as hell about my own sexual preferences.)

All of that has made me despair on numerous occasions that I will ever get to know someone who both actually loves me and wants to fuck the absolute shit out of me.

But blogs like yours have lifted me out of that hellhole of anxiety more than once. Seeing both your own fantasies and the way you respond to your asks makes me feel like I'm not doomed to a relationship where I will have to sacrifice a large part of myself for the other person's sake. It makes me think: "People like this exist somewhere."

Thank you for being a dom that cares about your sub, and thank you for sharing on this blursed platform where I could see you.

Side (less wholesome) note: Yes, you have provided a lot of fuel for my smut pieces, and I am officially blaming you for the fact that there are now 446 fucking instances of the word "Daddy" in my most recent collection.

I appreciate how much effort you put into making this. And as another STEM idiot I love the way you made your reasoning. Also to be clear I love asks, I just have a hard time replying to many at once, but I appreciate them a lot.

And as to you attracting shitty men, I understand how exhausting and how heavy it might be the burden to carry the responsibility over someone’s mental health issues. But I think that also says a lot about your character, how you’re someone who’s really caring. Who wants to help these people, which is an amazing thing but it can be problematic if you don’t set boundaries. Which is a hard thing to do (I know because I’m bad at that…) it’s healthy to focus on your own mental health, your own problems. Especially when we have very little energy left.

And you aren’t doomed for that type of relationship I believe. And I hope you eventually find the right person who’ll love you and not make you responsible over their mess (and also fuck the shit out of you, fingers crossed). So it’s just a matter of time

Side (even less wholesome) note: I’d be lying if I said part of me isn’t curious about those 446 instances now..

[wolveria]

My Tech-genda

I haven't written meta in a long time, but I just have so much to say about Infiltration and Extraction:

I'm sure there will be a ton of these, but my two cents as to how X is actually Tech (or Tex, as @nightfall-1409 calls him).

The POV of the show relied heavily on this new assassin, and that means he's a Special boy. Not like the assassin we saw in the trailer who died this episode arc. This is the boy we see on Pabu. That other assassin was a throwaway, maybe to get us off the scent.

And this is the big one for me, Tex fought like each of the OG Batch, including himself. Detonations, hacking, sniper rifle, vibroblade. His hobby of recording everything makes me think he either has eidetic memory, or he's an excellent copycat of what he's observed, especially something he would see on a daily basis.

Tex breaking out old tools. The pad on his arm almost like his old comm device/datapad. The grappling hook down the shaft. An evil little baby Marauder.

Falling and surviving (again). Maybe re-broke or simply re-injured that old broken femur. Conveniently, Tex hunches over a little so we can’t see how tall he is compared to other clones like Wolffe (they probably use the same model for all the Clone X assassins so this might be delusional on my part, but I think it would be a nice touch).

Also, the lighting this season is supposed to be a Big Deal, right.

This pulled back shot after Tex comes out of the hideout, he’s limping and injured, and there’s darkness all around him. He’s walking through this shaft of light, like a spotlight or a beacon, and I’m just like. Wow. Why such emotional shots for a random bad guy huh.

That was my same issue with the big season 3 trailer. When we get a shot of Clone X on Pabu, the music swells in an emotional, dramatic arc. You wouldn't waste that on some random guy. At least, I wouldn't.

Last but not least, Tex's reaction to drowning Crosshair, and Crosshair gently grabbing at his shoulder before he falls unconscious. He pulls back a little and pants heavily. I genuinely can't tell if Tex is reacting to the touch, Crosshair fading away, or both.

I also don't need to go into the imagery of Crosshair and Tech being mirrors of each other through the water, and that Tex is the Imperial agent that Crosshair failed to be. We've seen two methods of the Empire's control: reconditioning and the inhibitor chip. Seems the Empire is learning from its mistakes when it comes to the failing chips.

Note: There is much more I could go into, like despite the fact his voice is heavily modulated, Tex sounds exactly like his old self when he's grunting/panting. There's still so much to uncover, but I thought this was a nice start.

Sources: I write and have music/video editing experience, and these are things that make sense to me.

Addendum: Folks saying this is "bad writing" (an opinion, not a fact) are missing the point.

The question is not: Is it bad writing? The question is, can I masturbate to it? The answer, in this case, is yes.

Anyway that’s my Tech-genda thanks for listening.

[hecksupremechips]

Come back home when you have some sense

You can throw your life away just not at my expense

You’re not the son I raised

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Those Beyond The Wall

sequel/companion to The Space Between Worlds, set a decade later

character-focused sci-fi set in an area divided in two, the rich protected city on one side and everyone else in the post-apocalyptic desert

follows a woman who works under the Emperor in Ashtown, keeping the peace

when mangled bodies start showing up with seemingly no murderer, she’s tasked with finding the cause, and finds out that it’s the result of corruption spanning both cities and multiple worlds

explores oppression and messy revolution, police violence and apartheid

bi & polyamorous MC

[yuckydraws]

(Click for better quality)

Healing & Growth

(gif made by my friend @robanilla-arts is below - slight warning for flashing! Thanks again, Rob!)

[tbcanary]

2023 reading list: The Wicked + The Divine (2014)

You are of the pantheon. You will be loved. You will be hated. You will be brilliant. Within two years, you will be dead.

(ID under the cut.)

ID: Four large animated banners using panels and art from The Wicked + The Divine.

1: Three silhouettes standing on a shadowy mountain of bodies against a sketchy pink and purple sky, holding weapons in their hands. A circle of twelve symbols, each representing a god or goddess, hovers in the air in front of them. The icons rotate randomly through skulls, blank circles, and the symbols themselves.

2: A young black woman sits and stares at her cigarette. She snaps her fingers, making a "KLLK" sound. The cigarette lights itself. Her face shifts to surprise. Shadows creep in from the outer edges, until only the light of the cigarette lights her face.

3: A stadium drawn in a pink and purple gradient. In the upper left corner, a pair of fingers snap and make the same "KLLK" sound. Over a series of five panels, the stadium explodes into a bright white light. A shadowy inhuman figure is burnt up in the explosion. When it fades, a burnt husk of the same cityscape is left behind.

4: Ten narrow rectangles frame profiles of different individuals. They rotate through three phases: Black and white; a purple gradient; and fully colored. The colors move across the page in waves. Behind them is a night sky, lit up with pink outlines of constellations.

/End ID]

[sysig]

Hey. Read Roundabout. Love Awesome. (Patreon)

[mishtershpock]

.

[littlest-bugz]

Does anyone else go thru phases where you don’t want to talk to anyone?

Like,,, I love you so much, but I just need to RECOUP. I need my alone time so I don’t have another breakdown.

[longagoitwastuesday]

So so indebted to u for posting those lovely illustrations from Cyrano <333 & even more so for yr tags!! I'm completely in love w yr analysis, please feel free to ramble as long as u wish! Browsing through yr Cyrano de Bergerac tag has given me glimpses of so many adaptations & translations I'd never heard of before! I'll be watching the Solès version next, which I have only discovered today through u ^_^ As for translations, have u read many/all of them? I've only encountered the Renauld & Burgess translations in the wild, & I was curious to hear yr translation thoughts that they might guide my decision on which one I buy first (not necessarily Renauld or Burgess ofc). Have a splendid day & sorry for the likespam! 💙

Sorry for the delay. Don't mind the likespam, I'm glad you enjoyed my tags about Cyrano, and that they could contribute a bit to a further appreciation of the play. I loved it a lot, I got obsessed with it for months. It's always nice to know other people deeply love too that which is loved haha I hope you enjoy the Solès version, it may well be my favourite one!

About translations, I'm touched you're asking me, but I don't really know whether mine is the best opinion to ask. I have read... four or five English translations iirc, the ones I could find online, and I do (and especially did, back when I was reading them) have a lot of opinions about them. However, nor English nor French are my first languages (they are third and fourth respectively, so not even close). I just read and compare translations because that's one of my favourite things to do.

The fact is that no translation is perfect, of course. I barely remember Renauld's, but I think it was quite literal; that's good for understanding the basics of the text, concepts and characters, but form is subject, and there's always something that escapes too literal translations. Thomas and Guillemard's if I recall correctly is similar to Hooker's in cadence. It had some beautiful fragments, some I preferred over Hooker's, but overall I think to recall I liked Hooker's more. If memory serves, Hooker's was the most traditionally poetic and beautiful in my opinion. Burgess' is a whole different thing, with its perks and drawbacks.

Something noticeable in the other translations is that they are too... "epic". They do well the poetic, sorrowful, grief stricken, crushed by regrets aspects of Cyrano and the play in general, but they fall quite short in the funny and even pathetic aspects, and that too is key in Cyrano, both character and play. Given the characteristics of both languages, following the cadence of the French too literally, with those long verses, makes an English version sound far too solemn at times when the French text isn't. Thus Burgess changes the very cadence of the text, adapting it more to the English language. This translation is the one that best sets the different moods in the play, and as I said before form is subject, and that too is key: after all, the poetic aspect of Cyrano is as much true as his angry facet and his goofy one. If Cyrano isn't funny he isn't Cyrano, just as he wouldn't be Cyrano without his devotion to Roxane or his insecurities; Cyrano is who he is precisely because he has all these facets, because one side covers the other, because one trait is born from another, because one facet is used as weapon to protect the others, like a game of mirrors and smoke. We see them at different points through the play, often converging. Burgess' enhances that. He plays with the language itself in form and musicality, with words and absences, with truths masking other truths, with things stated but untold, much like Cyrano does. And the stage directions, poetic and with literary value in their own right in a way that reminded me of Valle Inclán and Oscar Wilde, interact with the text at times in an almost metatextual dimension that enhances that bond Cyrano has with words, giving them a sort of liminal air and strengthening that constant in the play: that words both conceal and unveil Cyrano, that in words he hides and words give him away.

But not all is good, at all. Unlike Hooker, Burgess reads to me as not entirely understanding every facet of the characters, and as if he didn't even like the play all that much, as if he had a bit of a disdainful attitude towards it, and found it too mushy. Which I can understand, but then why do you translate it? In my opinion the Burgess' translation does well bending English to transmit the different moods the French text does, and does pretty well understanding the more solemn, cool, funny, angry, poetic aspects of Cyrano, but less so his devotion, vulnerability, insecurities and his pathetism. It doesn't seem to get Roxane at all, how similar she is to Cyrano, nor why she has so many admirers. It does a very poor job at understanding Christian and his value, and writes him off as stupid imo. While I enjoyed the language aspect of the Burgess translation, I remember being quite angry at certain points reading it because of what it did to the characters and some changes he introduces. I think he did something very questionable with Le Bret and Castel-Jaloux, and I remember being incensed because of Roxane at times (for instance, she doesn't go to Arras in his version, which is a key scene to show just how much fire Roxane has, and that establishes several parallels with Cyrano, in attitude and words, but even in act since she does a bit what Cyrano later does with the nuns in the last act), and being very angry at several choices about Christian too. While not explicitly stated, I think the McAvoy production and the musical both follow this translation, because they too introduce these changes, and they make Christian as a character, and to an extent the entire play, not make sense.

For instance, once such change is that Christian is afraid that Roxane will be cultured (McAvoy's version has that infamous "shit"/"fuck" that I detest), when in the original French it's literally the opposite. He is not afraid she will be cultured, he is afraid she won't, because he does love and appreciate and admires those aspects of her, as he appreciates and admires them in Cyrano. That's key! Just as Cyrano longs to have what Christian has, Christian wants the same! That words escape him doesn't mean he doesn't understand or appreciate them. The dynamics make no sense without this aspect, and Burgess (and the productions that directly or indirectly follow him) constantly erases this core trait of Christian.

Another key moment of Christian Burgess butchers is the scene in Arras in which Christian discovers the truth. Burgess writes their discussion masterfully in form, it's both funny and poignant, but it falls short in concept: when Cyrano tells him the whole discussion about who does Roxane love and what will happen, what they'll do, is academic because they're both going to die, Christian states that dying is his role now. This destroys entirely the thing with Christian wanting Roxane to have the right to know, and the freedom to choose, or to refuse them both. As much as Cyrano proclaims his love for truth and not mincing words even in the face of authority, Cyrano is constantly drunk on lies and mirages, masks and metaphors. It's Christian who wants it all to end, the one who wants real things, the one who wants to risk his own happiness for the chance of his friend's, as well as for the woman he loves to stop living in a lie. That is a very interesting aspect of Christian, and another aspect in which he is written as both paralleling and contrasting Cyrano. It's interesting from a moral perspective and how that works with the characters, but it's also interesting from a conceptual point of view, both in text and metatextually: what they hold most dear, what they most want, what most fulfills them, what they most fear, their different approaches to life, but also metatextually another instance of that tears/blood motif and its ramifications constant through the whole text. Erasing that climatic decision and making him just simply suicidal erases those aspects of Christian and his place in the Christian/Cyrano/Roxane dynamic, all for plain superficial angst, that perhaps hits more in the moment, but holds less meaning.

Being more literal, and more solemn, Hooker's translation (or any of the others, but Hooker's seems to love the characters and understand them) doesn't make these conceptual mistakes. Now, would I not recommend reading Burgess' translation? I can't also say that. I had a lot of fun reading it, despite the occasional anger and indignation haha Would I recommend buying it? I recommend you give an eye to it first, if you're tempted and can initially only buy one.

You can read Burgess' translation entirely in archive.com. You can also find online the complete translations of Renauld, Hooker and Thomas and Guillemard. I also found a fifth one, iirc, but I can't recall it right now (I could give a look). You could read them before choosing, or read your favourite scenes and fragments in the different translations, and choose the one in which you like them better. That's often what I do.

Edit: I've checked to make sure and Roxane does appear in Arras in the translation. It's in the introduction in which it is stated that she doesn't appear in the production for which the translation was made. The conceptualisation of Roxane I criticise and that in my opinion is constant through the text does stay, though.

[todayisafridaynight]

So Allegedly Infinite Wealth is 100 hours... not that you can't already spend that long on the games if you really want to, but I'd say it's the first time that could be said to be the base experience rather than a time only hardcore completionists are likely to get.

Yokoyama was talking at length about wanting to make the game worth the price tag since the team is incredibly conscious about the value of the players' time and money. They essentially feel they owe players ten times what they paid, so they're aiming for "an enjoyable 100 hours, but also an unforgettable 100 hours."

If they pull it off, I personally think it'd be 100% worth it and not just a "well other studios are doing it so we can get away with it too" price hike... I'm at least happy to know that's not the intent, and I'm intrigued to see how everything pans out and what the ratio is between story and side content

oh yayaya i saw that article this morning!!! 100 hours is actually so unfathomable to me in terms of an rgg game- i mean y7 was At Minimum around 45~50 hours but when i think of other RPGS that easily dip into 70's and 100's of hours, i'm not too surprised to see LAD start to climb towards those numbers now. it'd be such a jump in rgg's terms tho, so i'm TRULY curious to see where the nearly doubled gameplay hours comes from..

i really appreciate yoko's respect not just to RGGS but also to its customers: they want to make a great product, but they also don't want to sacrifice what they want to do to do that in the process