#i know nothing about guns i just picked the first transparent result i found

[originalartblog]

Dazai trying to pretend to be a nobody who knows nothing so his new colleague won't be too suspicious of him during his entrance exam is hilarious

[themockingcrows]

Whisper Just For Me: Ch. 11 - Surfacing

Being apart is tough, but having dawning realizations of just how far apart you may be, potentially forever, is even harder. With new information about Dave coming to light, but no sign of the ghostly man himself, what options do you even have?

This chapter is SFW AO3 Mirror: [X]

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    If you weren't certain you were already dead, you would have thought you'd died and gone to some kind of strange afterlife. One minute you were in the car listening to distorted screaming and alternating between being able to feel the stabbing pain of injury and the vague sensation of being near something alive.. and the next you were in a quiet place you did not recognize at all. The pendant you were bound to did not rest around John's neck or anywhere near him that you could detect, but was resting in an open box instead. It looked shinier than before, looked like it had been buffed carefully, polished. The chain looked new as well, sturdy leather cord slick and freshly maintained, stark and dark against the intricate design of the pendant's face.

    This was not John's home. ..Was it Jade's home? Had she taken you there? Where was John? The car accident.. was he even okay? Was he still alive? The accident didn't feel like a death bringing one, but.. maybe it became that way after you lost focus and returned to the pendant. The need to find John was intense, but you needed to know for sure where the fuck you were first. If this was Jade's home, there would probably be a way to signal her or alert her to take you where you needed to go. She seemed to be in good humor lately about your closeness with John so.. surely that wouldn't be too big of an issue, right? There had been no aggression from her lately, no major questioning of your intentions or framing you as some evil being.

    Shouldn't be too hard, right?

    It would be more than hard. This was not Jade's home. Not in the slightest. For one thing, it was far too pink for what you'd assume of her. For another there was a nearly uncomfortable number of cat items around, spindly legs and reaching tails, curved mouth motif left and right. It was cozy but.. strange. Very much not what you pictured possible for Jade's room and very, very much not John's room. Not your own home. Nowhere you needed to be.

    Piles of books lay stacked on and around bookshelves, and the familiar shape of systems for games were settled in different positions near a television and another tall shelf. Some were familiar from John's house, the station and the box, but others were familiar because you knew them specifically from your own life. A proudly displayed NES and an SNES were very easy to spot, but it looked like they'd been heavily customized, altered, and repainted. Somehow, you felt they probably were sturdier and less prone to freezing and glitching than you remember.

    You had to nod in approval at the customized Zapper gun as well. The adjustment to the sight would probably make it a bit more accurate, and while pink wasn't really your color, you found yourself wishing you could grasp solid objects for a chance to make that fucking laughing dog eat your dirt in style.

    You form a more humanoid shape and drift beyond the immediate range of your pendant to continue poking around, rustling papers as you go, looking over information. ...Nope. DEFINITELY not Jade. The letters you rustle on a solid white desk are all addressed to someone named Roxy LaLonde. The address doesn't sound familiar anymore with how much things had changed, but judging from the city at least, you weren't that far from home. A town over from where you had been living and un-living for so long, unless things had changed even more drastically than you'd realized.

    Good that it wasn't another state.. but bad because that was so far out of range of where you needed to be.

    Maybe this person would be able to see you too, could be reasoned with, could help you go home. It wouldn't be too hard to bribe someone right? You recalled stories of ghosts when you were growing up, all bent on finishing some kind of business they had left undone while alive while going about their haunting duties. ...It wasn't business left from while you were alive, but.. business from your afterlife was just as important. Right?

    There had to be some kind of clause in the big book of ghost bullshit, some loophole you could exploit.

    This Roxy person wasn't home from the sound of it, so you decided to drift around some more. A laptop half taken apart was resting on a coffee table, unfinished chips in a bowl off to the side and two empty soda cans on the floor. Some kind of work station in range of the television. Were they taking it apart or putting it back together..? You make two small screws roll off the tabletop and slip beneath the couch, while a third is flung with reckless abandon to fall with a soft tink of contact with the metal cover of a floor vent. There. Feeling a little better already.

    Couldn't immediately get home and check on John and go back to normal? Nothing a little destructive and disruptive tendencies couldn't cure. Temporarily yes, but it was still a cure enough at the time.

    Another computer was sitting near the corner, glowing soft, but much larger than the others. A desktop was what John called it, right? Didn't make that much sense, if the only reason it was called that was because it sat on top of a desk, but you probably just weren't understanding it clearly. There was probably some big distinction you just missed out on, but that was a worry for another time.

    You passed your hand over the keyboard, watched your transparent fingers slide right through them without so much as a second of hesitation, and let your head roll back in frustration. Computers could do anything. It could probably even find John if you could just figure out some way to make it work for you. ..Computers couldn't be bribed, right? Right.

    …. Right?

    A loud, demanding meow cuts the near silence that inhabited the room outside of your rustling and mischief. Rising up and turning in a surprised flip, you hand halfway upside down for a moment to take in the interloper. Fur black as pitch and wide bright eyes, twitchy tail, normal cat behavior. The twin spots above those eyes sure looked funny though, like extra eyes or some form of dotted eyebrow, and the fact they wiggled when the creature meowed loudly again at you didn't help them be any less amusing.

    You move a hand one way, then another, watching the attentive stare of the cat follow with laser precision. Curious, you drop your hand away and revert back to an orb, gently hovering and putting off red light. Much lower energy to do this, but the results were the exact same. No. The results were more pronounced. After a few energetic bobs and swirls in place, the cat suddenly chattered, wiggled its hind end and tried to launch into you. A dart away, and the cat was in hot pursuit, chasing and jumping and trying to swat you out of the air, not able to understand why it could get so close and feel the chill but not hit anything solid.

    The chattering soon turned to distressed, frustrated yowling and circling, pupils wide as dinner plates. ..Was it okay? Did you play with it too much? How much could cats play before they got sick or something? Shit, why didn't you know this, was this Roxy person going to come back to a suddenly dead cat?

    Luckily, the cat was still doing its distressed yowling sounds when the front door rattled gently from a key being turned, opening a bit faster than you first assumed a door could be flung open by one person. She was likely Roxy. This woman was attractive and seemed to have her own style, dark lipstick and bright shades of pink on her shirt and bag mixed with dark accessories in the form of dangling earrings and a cluster of busy looking bracelets on either wrist. The look on her face was one of concern, and she walked right through you to get to her cat after hurriedly shutting the door and dropping her bag. Her heels came loose from the back of her shoes, weight shifted forward to curl protectively around her pet after picking it up from the ground.

    “Ohhh, baby what's wrong? Mutie~. You feelin' alright..?” she crooned, voice a bit huskier than you had imagined upon first spotting her, but still pleasant to listen to. Roxy lifted a hand away from her riled up cat to slip a strand of pale hair behind her ear, shifting where the tight curl was ever so slightly but not loosening it at all.

    The cat meowed softly a few times in response, talkative, before it locked eyes on where you were drifting over its mother's shoulder and hissed. Roxy whipped around to look, face inches away from where you were resting, and looked right through you. You could see the chill run down her spine and the gentle lift of goose flesh as she rocked her heels back and stood with the cat safely in her arms.

    She was blind to you, but she could definitely tell something was there. Not perfect, but you'd take it. Maybe there was a way to perform a subtle haunting sufficiently enough to be returned to John specifically instead of just having the pendant tossed in the trash for being the source of something scary.

    ….. damn it …..

    Another loud hiss came from the cat, swatting your direction before scrambling to kick free from its owner's arms, earning a quiet curse and a confused huff from Roxy.

    “Hey, HEY! What's gotten into you? Mutie! … Ugh. Maybe he's getting sick,” she mumbled in a tone that belied her attempts at calm. Her gaze was slightly furtive now, cautious, paranoid. Something was in her home now. Something was different somehow.. but she couldn't quite put her finger on it yet.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    “Dad, I don't think I could eat any more if I tried,” you say with a tired sigh. You'd eaten a good deal because you were half starved and loved your father's breakfast foods, but the concern was messing with how your meal was settling. You were stuck hoping it would stop soon. Couldn't exactly do a great job of literal ghost hunting if you felt sick AND had a messed up leg.

    “You tucked away plenty, I'll consider that a success,” your father chuckled, spearing a piece of waffle and chasing some syrup around on his plate to soak it up before lifting it to his mouth to devour. “I'd have been more worried if you couldn't eat at all, but after what you've been through and the medicine they have you on? This is more than enough. Good job.”

    “Oh. Right, I should probably take my medicine now that I've eaten, huh,” you murmured, realizing belatedly that Jade was already getting up to fetch it and keep you off your crutches as long as possible. Seems she really was serious about that whole 'as much rest as possible' thing. You took a moment to count out the two tablets you needed from one bottle, and the single tablet from another before downing them with the remnants of your orange juice. “Man, I'm gonna be a zombie later now.”

    “Hey, I'd rather you be a zombie and play the same section of a video game for a few hours or make stupid posts online than have you running around hurting yourself more,” Jade said.

    “Running around?” your dad asked, looking a bit confused. “I know it's probably just a turn of phrase, but I also know how impatient you can be. You're not planning on getting up and moving around a good deal already, are you son?”

    “Well. Yes and no? I'm not planning on going anywhere for fun, I just need to run a few important errands.”

    “If it's important, I'm sure I could help out. You're never too old to have your dad help you out, you know,” he said, rising to go take care of the dishes so they wouldn't pile up. “People tend to be rather forgiving after car accidents, injuries, and when faced with parents saying they're helping their children. It would be no problem.”

    “I. Well. I mean, I appreciate it a lot Dad, and if it were anything else I'd ask for help but..” you said, hesitating a bit. “I think it's something I'll need to do mostly alone.”

    “Oh? What's so important that it can't wait?”

    “I lost something really important, but I don't know if it was from during the crash or afterward, and I need it back immediately,” you tried to explain. “It's really -really- important, I need to be sure it gets back to me and back in place fast. I still don't know how it went missing in the first place.”

    “Is it something expensive? Or something that's not yours?” he continued.

    “No, no, it's mine. And it's.. not expensive I don't think? Not very at least. But it's really important to me.”

    “Sentimental value turned good luck charm,” Jade piped up, trying to save you from starting to explain that, no Dad, it's a necklace that's magically holding my ghostly boyfriend tethered to this mortal plane of existence and I promise I'm not losing my grip on reality, would you like to see him rattle the papers on my shelf when he gets back home?

    “..If it went missing AFTER your accident, I can't imagine it was doing a very good job of being lucky before that,” he pointed out. “But if it means that much to you, just try your best to be careful and rest when you need to, I'd have for you to have to be stuck in that cast even longer.”

    You could clearly detect the fathery disapproval in his voice, but knew it wasn't the worst it could be. He knew you were an adult who made occasionally silly decisions, but as it wasn't one that could hurt you, there wasn't much for him to wrack his brain over or stress himself with. Just frown and shake his head because it wasn't what he himself would do in the same situation.

    “Thanks, Dad. How long can you stick around?”

    “Not long. I'd much prefer to stick around all day, but there's so many things that only I can manage to get done on the job, I can't stay gone forever. Would you like me to come visit again tomorrow?” he hummed. “I can see about making some other things for you, maybe we can watch some movies. Jade, you're doing great at keeping things running so far, but you be sure to rest too. Keep on top of your own affairs.”

    “I am, don't worry. Most of what I need day to day is on my laptop and I keep that in my bag anyway,” Jade said, rising to go help clean up the waffle iron so it could be put back into your father's car without making a mess.

    He remained for another half hour before he finally wound up leaving, kissing your cheek and giving Jade a hug before donning his hat and heading outside. You sighed and leaned back to watch the ceiling when you were finally alone with Jade again, glancing over.

    “...So. Do you have any ideas where we could start looking?”

    “Where -I- could start looking,” she said, pulling out her laptop to check a few things. “You're going to rest here. I'm going to take my non-cast-wearing ass out and check the hospital, see if I can check with your car. Maybe the ambulance, even, if there's some way to get in contact with the one that brought you in to the hospital.”

    A moment or two of scrolling and humming later, Jade was taking her phone out to snap a few pictures for easier access later on, tapping out a memo along with it before she was satisfied.

    “There.. That should do it. I don't think I'm forgetting anything. If we can't find it THIS way then..”

    “Then?” you ask worriedly. “Then what.”

    “Then.. we put up an ad or something, maybe. There's.. John, there's not much we CAN do if I can't find that thing. Maybe we'll just drive around a lot and you can see if you feel him. I'm not sure what else to really do aside from checking out mentions of hauntings that turn up.”

    “Check what out?”

    “Yeah, like, listening for rumors about ghosts and investigating? See if it's Dave or not?” Jade said, flipping to her email and casually scrolling down on her laptop. “If it was a sudden haunting it would probably wind up on some forum or another, or some local newspaper. People love to talk or ask questions about things. Keep an eye out for the description of him you know and his normal actions, we might strike gold and know where to volunteer our 'services'.”

    You couldn't help but look starstruck enough that Jade finally noticed and frowned in confusion.

    “What? Why are you looking at me like that? There's no way your medicine's knocked you flat that fast, right?”

    “Jade. JADE. Jade, I know we'd be doing it all just to find Dave but. Jade. Jade, do you realize the implications of that?!” you asked, bouncing a little in place, feeling your mood lifting like a balloon. “We'd basically just be a low budget version of Ghostbusters! I know all about paranormal things already, you've learned too, and we both have practice with Dave, and we know the equipment. ..Ohhh what if we tried to do that even after Dave gets home? Maybe he's able to talk to other ghosts. Jade, we could learn so much!”

    She sighed and removed her glasses to rub at the bridge of her nose for a moment.

    “I was wondering why you suddenly looked so hyped up. Yes, yes, I guess that is pretty similar. Let's save the busting hype for after we find the one person we're really hunting for though, okay? It'd be kind of dumb to plan a lot of fun things out and not have our mascot back.”

    “Mascot? ...Heh. I guess he kind of is at this point, huh,” you admitted, tipping your head to the side when Jade got a funny look on her face, looking at her screen once more. “What's up? Already get some kind of lead?”

    “..Not quite. I don't think at least. Remember how I was looking up more things on Dave? Tried to get in contact with someone that might be family?” she asked, clicking a few times to open the email up, and then another few times to open an attachment. Jade held her breath for a moment, then released it out her nose in a sigh. “I think we definitely got a hit.”

    You sat up straighter to be able to see even as she brought the laptop to you for a look, and the image she displayed was enough to leave you feeling like you'd been punched in the gut. The colors were a bit off, older cameras not being the utmost quality, but the face was unmistakable: Dave. Dave, when he was still living and breathing. Dave in a long sleeve shirt and tousled hair, loose dark jeans and the faintest curl of a grin. He was lounging on a sofa with a big bowl of chips beside him and a can of coke in one hand, and you felt the chill run down your spine when you realized you recognized the crown molding and window placement.

    That picture had been taken here. Dave had been in this apartment, probably where you were sitting, years and years ago, and there was photographic proof.

    “Print it,” you said without even thinking.“What else did the email say?”

    “His brother said he'd be alright with meeting up sometime to talk, but his schedule's packed. I'll see when he's open. ..that sound good?”

    “Yeah,” you said quietly, still a bit stunned. Your printer started to whir to life in the distance, bringing the copy of the photo to life, and Jade set her computer down to go collect it when it was finished. “Yeah, that sounds fine. I get that this probably wouldn't be something to talk about over email or the phone.”

    With the picture held in your hands, the ache in your chest returned with a vengeance. How would Dave react when he saw this? Would he react positively? Or would he destroy the entire apartment and start learning how to light fires? You'd finally know how he died. ..You just hoped that him learning what happened wouldn't be some key to make him move on to the afterlife forcibly.

    “I'm going to get going, see if I can find the pendant in a lost and found bin or hear if anyone's seen it,” she said, tucking her computer away for now into her bag. “I'll keep an ear out for rattling papers and stuff, too. My phone will be on, try to rest up. Order some takeout if you want, don't make yourself stand and cook if you don't want to. If I come back and you're even more hurt, I'm gonna be grumpy,” Jade warned.

    “Yeah,” you said, distracted, staring at the picture still. You'd seen Dave clearly, you thought, but never THIS clear. Never without the red tint or the faint glow. He really was cute, even in this form, and you couldn't help but wonder what he was like personality-wise when he was alive. Just as snarky and excitable as he was now?

    “...Don't worry, John. We'll find him somehow,” Jade said, coming close once more to hug you around the shoulders. “We'll get Dave home one way or another.”

    “I hope so, Jade. I really hope so.”

[joannealiciasd-blog]

Let’s talk about... series

Hi dollies!

This is my first entry here in a long, long time. I’m aware I don’t have many readers here, so I guess my words will dissipate into nowhere, but I thought by writing this, I could get my current thoughts and opinions down, reach a tiny audience, and come back in a few years to see how much I’ve changed, because I’m very sure I will. (I imagine I’ll also be cringing when reading this in future, but it’s okay, that happens when you learn. Hi, future Joanne! Hope you’re doing well!)

As a bit of context as to why I’m starting a series here, I still hold the role of Starblogger in the Stardoll community, and about a month ago, I released a post called “My Perspective” which received a lot of backlash. Basically, I shared my views on Marriage Equality as a conservative Christian during Pride Month, an unpopular opinion, and many users took issue with this opinion.

(Paragraph of rant, not necessary so feel free to skip, I just had to get it out) I honestly thought I shared it in the nicest, most respectful way possible. I wanted to bring attention to the fact that not everyone’s going to share the same opinions, that the world is made up of left and right wing people and that’s okay. Because although there may always be a power struggle in the politicians and media, we as citizens can open our perspectives to others and learn to respect other opinions. It’s no use living in an echo chamber if you want to develop a nuanced understanding of your opinions. And maybe my opinion was that offensive that my point of respect flew over many people’s heads because they proceeded to call me a number of bad names, insult me, label me as a homophobe when I have absolutely no issue with homosexuals as people. Don’t get me wrong, there were some religious or conservative users who were otherwise quiet during the Pride Month activities who actually stepped forward to stand up for me and some other people who disagreed with my conservative view but saw the point I was trying to make and tried to push the conversation forward by respectfully either asking why I believe the way I do or tell me that they still respect my viewpoint. But the other awful users, it really hurt me, which I knew full well I signed up for when I first released the post so I’m not blaming anyone, but I honestly hoped on a site like that, people wouldn’t be as ruthless as they were then. It’s scary what people can say when they hide behind a screen. At the same time, I try to find satire in it to soften the blow, you know, like it’s ironic that they would call me a close minded bigot when I’m trying to say that there exists many opinions. Frankly they’re the ones being close minded, even jumping on the people who are on their side but could see past this and asked them to respect me, also in a respectful way. When good users can see past our differences to prioritise actual transparent humanity, I’m very grateful for that and it really gives me hope that someday a compromise, or at the very least, a mutual agreement to disagree can be found.

Needless to say, I was quite disappointed about the good to bad ratio of responses, but throughout the course of the next few weeks, I was able to strike up some civil productive conversation that I otherwise wouldn’t have been able to and I was very grateful for those.

After all that drama. I’ve been growing more passionate about politics, initially just reading into the topics surrounding the LGBTQIA+ community but gradually expanding out into the other ‘hot topics’ of politics. I considered starting about a series ‘Let’s talk about… (insert topic)’ on Stardoll, but as much as I want my ideas to be heard, I’m not ready to go through that horrible cycle of hate. That’s why I decided, these posts are technically ‘not making the cut’ by me for my Starblog, so I’ll publish them here, since that’s what I promised when I was first granted my Starblogger role.

I’ll start with an introduction about me.

As you know, I’d consider myself a conservative. However, I see politics as a spectrum of left to right. with the far right being totalitarian/dictatorial and far left being Marxist/communist Some people sit near the extremes, more accomodating people closer to the centre. Talking about explicitly left or right is easy, but not accurate, because even within each of the sides, there are still many discrepancies. Right now I like to think I’m closer to the centre. I grew up in a Christian, conservative family with parents and relatives who were also heavily conservative having immigrated out of Maoist (communist) China after a long history of persecution as a result of their religion. Me being born in Australia, I was blissfully unaware and followed along blindly. My early diaries were extreme, following the likes of ‘gay people are bad, it is a sin and they need to repent’, shocking stuff like that but if it softens the blow, it was what I was taught ever since I was little and I didn’t know any better. I was essentially living in an echo chamber, which is exactly why I now strongly support free speech and sharing all views. We as a race aren’t going to get anywhere without listening to each other, the divides are only going to widen and we’re going to end up quarrelling about the tiniest of issues.

Back to me, you’ll be surprised to hear, I made a big jump across the spectrum. Yep, I became a lefty. I was in my pre-teen phase and was becoming a lot more involved on social media, watched a lot of Buzzfeed, and as a result, reread and was absolutely shocked at the contents of my old diaries. Finally, as a young teen, I promptly decided I was going to do an extreme 180 on my political views. This lasted about 3 years, I was very passionate, but when I sought out discussion in my attempts to persuade my family too, I soon realised I had nothing to base it on except a few outdated facts and my own emotional response alone. I started to think about why I believed the way I did because as important as emotions are, they’re not something to base all of your life off. I also sought out more liberal and conservative sources as well as consulting my church peers who would be more understanding of what I was going through since they could relate to me easier.

Now, I’m back to being conservative, but I hope with a more nuanced understanding of how each side works, having been on them both. There are still some topics in which I maintain a liberal view on, simply because nothing has persuaded me on those yet, but for the most part, I am conservative. The ideal would be to sit in the middle, but frankly, it’s such a fine line, it’s impossible to do that so I strive to be as understanding as I can.

The topics I want to address in this series (may add more)

Homosexuality

Marriage equality

Feminism

Gun-control

Abortion

Religious freedom

Racism

Hate speech

Body positivity

The victim complex

Gender

Finally, a big disclaimer 

I don’t claim to be an expert on any of these topics. I’m just a student who reads things in her spare time. If you read my words and find something you disagree with or even just see something that I missed, please tell me. This series is my thoughts at this moment in time. 

Like I said at the start, I’m very confident that I will change over time, not necessarily switching sides, but maybe just how strongly I believe things or the reasons why I believe things. I want to learn as much as I can. My only request is that we remember we are all humans with feelings, and although we can hide behind our screen names here, words still have big impacts on us, I know that too well. If you do decide to give me feedback, please respect me and I will respect you. With respect, we can be civil and push the conversation forward.

Take care,

♡ Joanne

(*For my future reference. I am currently 17 years old. I am midway through Year 12, Australia. Much of this is influenced by Extension English, see: Research Notes - Jane Austen and Worldviews doc)

edit: I’ve consolidated my political views and did the quiz on australia.isidewith.com. Lo and behold, I’m a centrist (though still slightly conservative and authoritarian), which I’m quite pleased with, since I do believe in keeping an open mind but maintaining some traditional values/morals, a compromise. And though politics is tricky and manipulative, our government isn’t out to ruin our lives... surprise surprise! I highly recommend doing that quiz, just pick your own country (the questions will vary). I guess sharing my personal results wouldn’t hurt, so if you want to explicitly see where I stand, here it is: https://australia.isidewith.com/results/3529756200  Also, I’ve graduated now. Woo hoo!