#i like it extra bc its one of the few songs of the band on spotify w lyrics lmao

[lowkeyrobin]

Hiiii! i love ur writing and was wondering if u could do Tommy, Quackity, Niki, Charlie, and Philza with an s/o (close friend for Phil) who is in a riot grrrl band???

stuff like this:

HAVE A NICE DAY/MORNING/NIGHT:]]]

oooo okay!! I can definitely try! I don't listen to many riot bands so excuse any weird stuff that doesn't totally make sense ; have a nice day/night to you too 🫶🫶🫶 ; made sure to make this as gn as possible for everyone so I apologize if it goes against the more feminine aspect of the genre/kinda ruins it 🙏

MCYT ; riot band

includes ; tommyinnit, quackity, nihachu, slimecicle, & philza

warnings ; language

y/b/n = your band name

y/f/n = your fandom name

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

he loves your music

you're the heaviest band he listens to 🙏🙏 he does try and get into the genre more because he does actually enjoy your music

you're the lead singer for your band, so every time he hears your vocals, he gets all smiley, even in public, which he tries to hide

will make sure to attend every single one of your gigs and record the whole thing LMAO

if he's like the perfect distance away from the stage, you'll sneakily look at him to help your nerves and make it feel like he's the only one in the room

he helps you write lyrics as well/get inspo for new songs

"and it goes in a rythym like ba-dada-bum-ba-dada-bum, yknow?"

extra points if your band sounds a lot like Hole or Veruca Salt, bc he'd definitely have some of their songs on a playlist

casually your biggest fan, always reposting gig dates and playing your music on stream

leaving comments under picture posts on the band insta like "come back to brighton for my birthday please, I beg" and "its to early to be served perfection, wait a few hours :("

he doesn't always make sense but he's loving and absolutely loves your music dw

NIKI NIHACHU

she is the number one fan

she got your bands top listener and has over 15k minutes of listening time by the end of the year

you're lead guitar, so she's always interested in watching you play and how you move your hands and fingers to create such a cool sound

extra bonus points if your band uses that kind of echoey down to your soul feel, kinda like suicideboys or lil peep (best examples I got bc I'm not into this genre very much lmao)

always bringing you up in conversation as well

if anyone's looking for bands to listen to, you're a million percent the first she suggests

you show her new chords you wanna use or expand on and she just watches and listens so intently

always playing your music on chill streams and recommending her viewers to listen to your band, and always points out that its you playing lead guitar

"personally, I think you should be winning a Grammy this year"

"ehhh... MTV awards are better"

"I'm gonna go get you nominated for the MTV awards then, I'll be back"

"I don't think that's how it works!-"

ALEX QUACKITY

he mostly listens to stuff like victoria monet, the weeknd, childish gambino, sza, etc

but being dragged into the rabbit hole of riot bands expanded his music taste a lotttt

you're the lead singer of course (main character hours)

yk the clip of him on the qsmp and metro boomin randomly starts playing? that happens but with your band!

"whoops- I-I have no idea why the hell that started playing, sorry! the last thing I was listening to wasn't even y/b/n, the fuck?"

he gets all his close friends hooked on your music as well

bonus points if you get a more grunge kinda feel in there like foo fighters or nirvana

always posting pics of you from gigs or reposting pics of you/your band

and always leaving comments like "vocal lessons when?" and "gig near you ✅️ gig near me ❌️"

always roasting your music as a joke as well

"the blueprint 3, one album, solos y/b/n. sorry y/n"

"must I bring up-"

"nope!"

CHARLIE SLIMECICLE

he looks like the type of guy to secretly have a 200 song long playlist of punk music idk

you're the bassist, and he loves making you play shit on stream for him lmao

also loves reposting anything relating to you and your band, fanart, random rants about your music, gig dates, new music release dates, photos, etc

don't get him started on the edits

he'll randomly blurt out random noises and rythyms and boom, writers block gone, new song? made.

serious bonus points if you sound the slightest bit like joey valance & brae

you show him how to play bass a bit as well

always recording every gig, he's so proud of you, plus the lights make you look so good

always talking about you as well

"my partner is a bassist in a band, I think they solo all of you losers"

"Charlie what?? when were we talking about significant others?"

"since I said so, bitch!"

cue video game car crash

he has a little thing in the bottom of the stream screen with the album cover w a spinning record next to it, and on top is the song & band name. 80% of the time it's just your band

^he uses that during his stream starting soon segments, bathroom/snack breaks, or chill streams on the qsmp

PHILZA

he and kristen both love your music

he sees you like his kid so he's going the extra mile to support you all the time

from streaming your music in the car to reposting and posting about gig dates, new music and merch drops, etc etc

you even have your own little section in his Discord titled 'y/b/n chat' (and another for announcements about your band/notifs OK social media titled 'y/b/n announcements')

when spotify wrapped comes around, your his third most listened to artist, and kristen's second LMAO

"aweee thank you father, I appreciate your loyalty to y/f/n and the band 🫶"

always bringing up your music as well, especially when streaming with friends

"Tommy, did you listen to y/b/n's new song yet? I think you'd like it"

"wait wait hold on lemme pull it up"

he goes to a few of your gigs with kristen and he's just chilling in the back like a proud parent

you always find him and smile because he's there cheering you on

he's more of a dad than your actual dad bro

[strawbrygashez]

Henry and Ralph Teen/Young Adult hcs bc why not :)

————————————————————————

•Once henry reached a certain age and point of not caring much about keeping his parents happy at all/being punished, he began to leave the house a lot more. He’d rarely ever be there and he sneaks out if he has to :/ He spends the majority of his time at Ralphs but he also hangs out around music/cd stores, comic books stores, and other friends houses.

He just started hanging out at Ralph’s so much to the point where his stuff at home slowly keeps all making its way to Ralph’s room lol like extra clothes, comics, cds, stuff for pranks, and etc.

I feel like in the beginning of him leaving the house so much, his parents would keep nagging him about it and punishing him but he kept on doing it anyways so they eventually gave up. They probably even start locking the doors when it gets dark but it doesn’t matter bc if he needs back in, he’ll get Peter to help him or he will find his way in somehow or another.

•Henry rarely ever cuts his hair. He only does so when Ralph goes on about how tangled it’s getting. He doesn’t care about it looking great tho so he’ll just cut whatever chunks he needs to out. So his hair is long but different lengths in some spots. His hair is always sticking out.

•Henry has such an internal struggle inside once he realizes he wants piercings. He’s still extremely afraid of needles no matter what age but since all of his music idols and the people him and Ralph hang out with in the music scene have them.. he finds himself wanting some of his own more and more.

He’d try fake ones for a while but after some teasing about how ‘fake ones are lame’ from some people, he tries to put his fears to the side so everyone won’t think he’s ‘lame’.

He’s learned a few techniques to somewhat calm himself down when it comes to needles and shots as he grew up but he still has a death grip on Ralph’s hand as he waits to get pierced.

(Over time I think he’d have maybe a couple. A couple ears ones and an eyebrow one maybe.)

•Ralph on the other hand has no problem getting piercings done so he has a few too. Plus he also has a couple tattoos which Henry helped design! :)

•Once Henry officially moves out of his parents place, he goes no contact with most of his family members. He’ll talk to Peter pretty often and will chat a little with the family members who actually treated him well as he was growing up but that’s about it. Whenever holidays come around, he only goes to Ralph’s relatives with him.

•Henry works on a lot of the design aspects when it comes to his band. He designs album covers and merchandise (though Ralph takes over a lot of the stuff that has to do with fashion, like stage outfits and band t-shirts)

•Henry eventually starts seeing a therapist because he knows he needs one and Ralph helped push him a bit to seek one out. He finally gets diagnosed with a couple different things only when he’s finally an adult.. which he feels kinda odd about since he realizes he went his whole childhood dealing with all these mental issues with no support. Like he thinks pretty often about how if they’d just tried to actually figure out what was going on with him, maybe his life could had been a lot easier and more pleasant.

•Ralph has to help Henry remember to take his meds and help remind him where they are. Which he doesn’t mind at all. Even if Henry makes a bit of a show about not wanting to get up and take them.

•Henry mostly wears grungy type outfits but sometimes will toss on something more metalhead-y for concerts. Ralph wears just a whole lot of fashion styles because he loves so many.

•The more ‘darker’ songs that end up on their albums are almost always written mostly by Henry. He had so much pent up for so long it all just comes out when writing ideas for songs.

I’ve seen a few times people say Ralph would try to make Henry not make all of the songs about depressing things but that doesn’t really make sense to me. They both like rock music and music like that isnt exactly known to be all cheerful lol. They’d more than likely have some songs that are just fun and whatever but I really doubt Ralph would tell Henry no about an idea for a song. It’s their band not just his.

•Before their band gets big enough to where they can just solely rely on it as a career, Henry worked at music and instrument stores while Ralph mostly took up jobs working in clothing stores.

(Henry sketches a lot whenever he can during the slow hours at his job.)

•This one is REALLY a HC bc it kinda has nothing to do with canon at all but… I hc Henry to have heterochromia. And I think once Henry starts hanging out with musicians in the alt music scene, he hears a lot about how well it fits him and their bands visual style. It makes him stand out. (Like yknow how OCs are usually called edgy for having heterochromia??) He already thought his eyes are cool too but it makes him even more confident hearing that :)

[snazzilystoopid]

The Ninja ft. Their musical preferences/hcs

Here are my hcs on what type of music each ninja prefers, plus a few extra bits!!

Enjoy hehe

Kai

You'll never find someone who loves rap more than him

His favourite song is Candy Shop and he uses its audio to all the thirst traps he makes 😭

(Yes I hc that he makes thirst traps)

He had a phase where he listened to Pass Out by Tinie Tempah on repeat

He got so embarrassed because he got caught singing along to the Boy's a Liar pt 2

Jay didn't let him live it down for like a week

Other than rap he likes the songs I Love You Hoe, Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Cole introduced those songs to him

He definitely uses the rose gold Beats headphones

Skylor borrows them all the time

Jay

Kpop. Just Kpop.

He legit forced Nya to go out to get the BTS meal with him

Lit by Oneus used to be his favourite song, now it's The Feels by Twice

He HATES Stray Kids

He stans BTS, Twice, Dreamcatcher and NCT

If not Kpop, then The Weekend

Stargirl Interlude>>

Him and Cole woke everybody up singing this song at the top of their lungs at like 2AM

He sings into Nya's hairbrush

When he's feeling extra romantic and confident he'll sing "I just wanna see you shine, because I know you are a stargirl" to Nya

He sounds terrible but she loves it

He owns a bunch of lightsticks

A proud photocards collector

Bash any if his favourite artists on twitter/chirp and he won't hold back. Trust me.

When The Feels was first released he cried like a baby because that day they had a mission and he couldn't find his airpods

The poor boy was so upset he couldn't listen to it but Cole offered his headphones to him

He broke them and Cole nearly smashed his face in but dw Zane fixed it because he's wonderful

Zane

Zane loves classical music, he taught himself to play the violin and he plays it for Pixal in their free time

Classical is his favourite genre, but he's an all-rounder

He doesn't listen to music much so he just has one playlist with a bunch of completely different songs

Loves a bit of Florence + The Machine

Pixal introduced her songs to him

He has so many favourites in the classical genre but outside of it his favourite song is probably Spectrum by Florence + The Machine

He and Pixal dance to the song 2002

It's her favourite song and whenever they go on dates Zane makes sure to play it when they're driving back home afterwards

Cole

He's probably going deaf bc his headphones are on like 24/7 (I also forgot to mention he's a DJ in my Cole hcs)

His headphones are personalised

Evolved from a nightcore kid to a slowed + reverb teen/young adult

The others sometimes spy on him while he's singing to the music when he's alone, because he'll never sing in front of anyone and his voice is angelic

His favourite songs are #brooklynbloodpop and Am I Dreaming (from atsv), but dw he's got WAY more favourites

Fluxxwave, CRYSTALS, Luxxid Diamondz, Kurxxed Emeraldz, yeah those type of songs but slowed + reverb

He loves some soft rock aswell

Slowed songs bring out his romantic side, you'll definitely find him sitting by a window while he's blasting the slowed version of What Do You Mean into his ears

Or you'll come across him laying on his bed with his eyes closed, you can hear the slowed Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift from his headpones even though you're literally at the door

Thats how loud it is

AC/DC>>>> HE LOVES THIS BAND SM HE COULD TALK ABT IT FOR HOURS

He owns a bunch of their merch as well

Nya

SZA FOR LIFEEEE

All The Stars and Good Days>>>>

You can hear SZA songs coming from her room all the time and everyone gets sick of it

Obsessed with Rihanna songs as well

OH NA NA WHATS MY NAMEEE

ahem anyways

She loves it when Jay sings to her even though he sounds like a dying cat

MARINA. SHE LOVES MARINA.

The family jewels, How to be a heartbreaker, Hermit the frog, she could go on and on

Also PinkPantheress>>

It's rare, but she sings along to her songs sometimes and her voice is actually beautiful

Lloyd

ONE OF THE BIGGEST SWIFTIES IN ALL OF NINJAGO

Like 75% of his main playlist is just Taylor Swift

Molly (forgotten remix) is his favourite song

He loves going out on drives late at night while blasting this song out of the speakers

He's almost as bad as Cole, he plugs in his ears with his earphones literally all the time but doesn't play music that loud

Style by Taylor Swift>>>>

Argues with Cole about whether it should be"He looks so pretty like the devil" or "He looks up grinning like a devil" from Cruel Summer

He thinks it's the first one

He also loves Middle by DJ Snake

He used to listen to Galantis a lot but Kai bullied him for it

(Little does he know Kai used to sing Runaway (U and I) in the shower almost everyday)

That is all! So sorry that these are all so random 😭

Their music tastes are really messy and chaotic just like them hehe

I hope yall enjoyed this though 🤭

[theclosetedskeleton]

please infodump about your damn skippy oc please i beg

YAHSHANXNABX YAYAYAYAY

okay here we go

I dont have an uhh actual name for the oc (yet), ill try to think about one soon. Anyways

He's (obv referring to my damn skippy oc) energetic and constantly moving around the place. Damn skippy oc try to sit still in one place (failed INSTANTLY).

+ "Naturally curious (Good example for this idea would be the song "rainwater") and lives in their daydreams" kinda person. (When robots attack) (ik theres the line 'how i wish this was just a dream' in when robots attack, but I imagine the scenario wasnt a "daydream" he has and moreso of an actual dream that feels real.)

[going back to the last part, I imagine the entire damn skippy album is just the oc going on these silly tangents abt their life + daydreams (maybe minus "ode to crayola", as I already have a diff oc for that song alone)]

Pronouns - He/they (Was originally gonna go with he/him but i like the concept of "he/they DS oc better)

Physical features !!!

DS has these swirls in their eyes, like the back of the album cover. Confession - Every now and then i think the pinkish color makes him look high but then i add the blue and im like "nuh uh" HWKAN 😭

They also have these star pupils, I added the idea when i first designed the oc back in jan-feb time period. Btw these features arent like contact lenses those are his actual eyes :3 I imagine my DS oc to be like... 80% human and the 20% is uhhh I dont know that answer

Along with this, theres like this ink or whatever that seeps from his eyes. Theyre not tears or anything, no matter what they do to remove the ink it just comes back eventually, but the ink only gets down to a certain point to where it just stops flowing.

small features !!! he wears a lot of stickers on their face, mainly because the stickers are really cool

LOTS of kandi bracelets/wrist bands/spiked bracelets. There probably was a time where he was a scene kid, and they still take inspiration from that 2000s/2010s scene time period.

[side note!!! this doesnt relate with my oc 100% but

on the topic of the kandi bracelets part, DS makes a lot of kandi bracelets for HTTJB (another oc based on a LD album) (The hip to the javabean oc isnt my oc, its @shrimpmcbites 's). Occasionally DS will just give HTTJB a new kandi bracelet for no apparent reason. ]

LOTS OF COLOR !!!!!!!! DS constantly wears so many things dealing with color and bright things, like as if those saturated bright colorful photos were a person.

DS IS TRANS!!!!!! trans ftm to be specific. fuck making all my characters different.... i WILL project on every one of them

(on a specific note, DS hasnt gotten any sort of medical transition like HRT or top/bottom surgery)

Projecting on my oc once more !!!! but fuck i dont care - DS is aroace and queerplatonic !!!! + DS is also in a qpr W/HTTJB because me and @shrimpmcbites said so muahaha (we are both projecting...)

(Geeks is love is abt them !!!!! the line "I don't think they'll ever get the groovy standards that we set for love" fits oh so perfectly with the fact the DS and HTTJB oc's are in a qpr)

Okay now for a bit of silly facts

Favorite drink - Tea !!! of any kind !!!! or maybe koolaid or the type of water drinks where you pour the syrup of a flavor in water and you get juice if yk what im talking abt

Favorite food - I imagine DS to really like smores. especially the ones with too much extra stuff and too many marshmellows and chocolate

Favorite type of music - anything DS can dance to. or just move around to. He doesn't really like sad songs.

Favorite color -Probably all of them but mainly the really saturated BRIGHT colors

Hobbies -

Dancing (not really good at it, + is not a professional, they just do it bc he NEEDS a way to channel all of the internal energy they have.),

Reading (only comic/graphic novels, anything else and he just loses attention)

KANDI - They has SO. MANY. KANDI. STUFF. AT HOME. probably even a few pieces of kandi clothing because of all of the extra time they have on his hands.

Video games - Esp those really retro ones, but he'll play almost any video game that goes in their hands

HOLY SHIT THIS POST IS SO LONG. idk what else to add but if anyone reads this till the end and has any input about the oc send me an ask about it because my DS oc (and @shrimpmcbites 's HTTJB oc) has been CLAWING at my brain and i need people to talk to me about them

[gracefullou]

Omg I am so excited to see back to you live but I *love* miss you and feel like its really made to be sung with thousands of people. And you're right about holding onto Heartache! I probably don't need to worry 😆.

I also love that's the way love goes but I know he probably won't play that live but fingers crossed for headline!!!!

I agree about WDBHG, I never really listened to much 1D and despite having watched videos/streams from tour I still can't remember any of the lyrics 😭 (I'm trying louis! I wanna be able to be excited! But I just don't enjoy it like all the others on the set!)

And yes omg guitar louis!!! For common people!!! Or a version of face the music like the demo!!!

Thank you so much for the lovely welcome!

You're very welcome 🥰❤️ i hope you have the best time in the fandom and at the show. Louis is just the best, as a person and as an artist. I could never be a stan of anyone else, he's just everything 😌. Coming back to the topic at hand, ngl i'm a back to you girlie (she was the reason i became a fan and i've seen her impact irl. Someone played the song at my uni and then suddenly everyone was playing it non stop for more than a year. Like the organic propagation of that song is just mindblowing . To think of what we could have if his music was given a tiny chance, just little efficient promo 😔) but omg you're so right miss you will be so good live. Imagine the fans yelling while he sings "WITH ALL OF MY PEOPLE and it couldn't get better they say". I really hope (and think) hoth is there to stay and i trust Louis not to do that to us like pls not hoth 😩 so don't worry about it. I love that's the way love goes too but now that Oli isn't single 🤭 (at least we got to hear it before tour 😭). Hope we get headline at least at that last show you're going to (pls Louis 🤲). And pls don't feel bad about not knowing the lyrics to that band's songs. I became a fan in 2019 when we only had the pre-walls singles and very few solo Louis content so i looked up the band's music and i still don't know the lyrics to their songs except for the iconic ones Louis wrote. From his current set, i only know the lyrics to his solo in night changes and the chorus (only bc it's such a popular song and that chorus is everywhere 😭). Idk any lyric in wdbhg and i won't bother. I won't subject myself to minutes of those men's voices just for a few seconds of Louis' angelic one. We don't have to do that anymore, we have his (much superior) solo discography for that 😁. Guitar Louis will k!ll us all when it happens like i'm not even kidding idk if i'll survive it 😭.

I know your show will be extra special and very emotional since it's the last Europe leg and it's in England so i hope it'll be full of nice surprises and that you'll have the time of your life 💙 🫂

[geographerdose]

Celestial Screenshots Destined for Fame, Part 5:

Marvin Gaye

⚠️⚠️ TW: death, violence, abuse, childhood trauma

All of the information used in this article was taken from Marvin Gaye’s Wiki page/biography. I am a student of astrology and thus all that I have learned in that course deserves the instructor’s credit, along with all the astrologers before him from Vettius Valens to the translators of ancient texts. I thank you for passing on this knowledge and am grateful to receive it. To protect his privacy and name (because what if I’m completely butchering these concepts, lmao) I will keep it to myself. I believe in the importance of giving credit where it is due and thus that is my intention here. I also believe in the right to privacy and thus that is my secondary intention.

🌖 First things first, his chart ruler is the Moon. It falls in his third house (where it has its joy).

🏆 It is being opposed by benefic of the sect in favor which is good despite it being a difficult aspect because at least both planets see each other.

🍀Even better is the fact that Venus is exalted in Pisces, while Jupiter is in its domicile. These are both benefics and in the place of God. I do know he started singing in church as a child and I believe he remained religious. I get the feeling he had a strong faith but it does not say outright.

🎤 I imagine this would give one an extra big voice and the man is a legendary vocalist. He was a pioneer that helped shape the Motown sound.

🎺 His Moon is also in opposition to Venus, although by sign vs degree and I believe this helped make his voice beautiful. Since Venus beautifies and Jupiter expands.

🥇But first of all, he was SO meant to be a star/famous simply looking at the ruler of his chart. Since the moon is not in its own domicile, it must rely on its ruler Mercury. It is up in Aries conjunct the Sun and Saturn, all dangerously close to his MC. {this stellium will be important later}

🏹 Even though the Moon has a 15 degree range, his Sun falls shy just a couple degrees. Or else his chart ruler would be in aspect to that Aries stellium near his MC directly.

🍑 However since the ruler of the house holding his CR is in aspect to the Sun+Saturn near the MC, the effect is basically the same.

💼👔Ruler of the tenth house is under the beams and thus career significations are hidden —> he had no desire to become an R&B singer when first signing to play drums. His first single release failed and he continued to play drums for other bands.

🚔“What’s Going On” was delayed in its release because of its political implications but ended up being a massive hit once released. I believe this is partly the example of Mercury and Saturn being under the rays. Mercury is associated with words and Saturn is associated with long-term rewards, both under the beams of the Sun so hidden. That song was sort of like a hidden slice of fame that eventually got brought to light.

👮🏻‍♀️It was inspired after witnessing police brutality at an anti-war event.

🎬 Also I found it interesting that he would perform with his eyes closed and was criticized as appearing to be sleeping, being told to open his eyes while performing. He refused to go to the grooming school which is something I would expect of an Aries stellium native {love it}

⚠️⚠️ TW: death, violence, abuse, childhood trauma

🪦Alright so I was trying to see if I could predict how he died using astrology since I did not know when I originally started this post a few weeks ago. I could not have even guessed the crazy sht that actually went down but looking at the astrology afterwards, it makes so much sense.

🙏🏻My honest to God “guess” toward cause of death before reading his Wiki: ➡️ “Lack of communication related to his work as a voice artist, possibly regarding siblings or children.”

👩‍🦯I completely overlooked both significations of the father though, with his eight house of death being ruled by Saturn (then bc Saturn is not in its own domicile, it must rely on its ruling planet Mars which falls in Capricorn).

💢He intervened an argument between his parents and his father shot him twice.

🟥 A square exists between Mars and Saturn. Saturn is also squaring Chiron+Pluto. Then Mars is opposing Chiron+Pluto. I believe this accounts for his abusive childhood at the hands of his father. He regularly received beatings. He even had a half-brother due to his fathers extra-marital affairs.

🌵Died during a ninth house profection year on the eve of his 45th birthday. The lord of the year was Jupiter, which is the planet in his chart capable of doing most good but it is opposing his Moon, representative of Native’s physical vitality. (The opposition possibly in effect here.)

🎼Passed away during “chapter 3” of his life during a fifteen-year Aries period. With a day chart, Mars is the malefic contrary to sect and ruling this period.

🪗 His peak periods are Libra and Capricorn, with Cancer as a moderate peak and Aries as a minor peak.

☠️ Level 1 Aries —> Level 2 Cancer —> Level 3 Cancer —> Level 4 Aquarius on 1 Apr 1984

🏜️ His eight house of death is Aqua, as is his Lot of Spirit. This is not a concept at all but still interesting bc I believe I came across a similar situation with Chris Farley (I will have to check).

🏈 Did you guys know he almost played football professionally for the Detroit Lions? Then legality regarding his music career stopped it or something. But, yeah, a man of many talents!

[aroaceofthesea]

Anyways a bit of a recap of my life these last few weeks bc its crazy how much stuff ive done what do you mean its only the 14th of july it feels like summer should be ending soon and ive been very inactive on here:

Starting with sant joan lol (aka 24th of june) some friends came over and we hadnt really seen each other in a couple years (like yes but not really really like it was always super awkward but it was super cool this time😋😋)

Then the next day when they left one of my best friends came home too :) he was at the town next to mine and we spent the afternoon together :)

Then we did diving classes with my mom and also some family friends im now an open water diver that was pretty random ngl

Then after like. 2 days. chilling with just my mom (my sister was like 100% of the day every day with some friends that were around) some friends from a summer camp i did last year came over😋😋

They spent like 4 days i loved every day ngl we played cards a lot we went to the beach we did so many things how did we have time to play mao so much thats crazy lol (also so many crazy rules @ ppl that i know irl i have so many great rules to add when we play again weve gotta do iit)

When they left it was sad :( but i had no time to mope bc i had exactly 15 minutes at home so i kust took a shower and then went with another friend to canet rock (catalan music festival) it was super coool :) had the opportunity to see oques grasses live again♠️🪿 (though they didnt play bancals😭😭 one of my fave songs ever)(they have too many epic songs to play them all they need an extra hour at least ngl) anyways it was crazy loved almost all of it (not miki nuñez why did they put that guy in there) and yeah it was super cool

Then i went home arrived at like 9:15 am and proceeded to sleep almost 25h until 10 am the next day im told i missed a sushi lunch with family friends :(

The next day some friends were like who avalon :) so ofc i was like meee (usually during summer im not in the city but i was that say so ofc i was like i gotta go) (just so you gt an idea i couldnt talk like at all like half my sentences were whispered bc i had lost my voice at the festival and that game is like. you gotta talk or why are you playing lol) anyways luckily they guy i had gone with to the festival was also there and also couldnt talk so at least i wasnt alone😅😅

Then i was going back home and on the way home i met one of my only remaining childhood friends lol she went with me to elementary school (or idk what you call it until 6th grade whatever) and plays the trumpet with me and we spend a lot of the summer together and it was nice to see her she had also gone to that festival (its a very very popular festival and ppl my age could go basically for free so a lot of ppl went) and also had no voice lol but it was nice to see her

Then with my parents we went and had a pizza :)

Then i spent the week in barcelona (were talking about this week already) and tuesday a friend came over bc hes from outside but had a play in barcelona like every night that week (he plays the trombone hes reaaally good) so we spent the mornings together and then the afternoons he went there (i wish i could go they were playing with fucking dagoll dagom (catalan company that made famous musicals in catalan like mar i cel and they are closing the company this year😢😢) like hoow i wanna go😭😭)

Then friday i went to my summer home and there were my mom and also that friends brother and father lol so anyway weve spent the weekend together and it was rlly fun

And also like i was looking for cool concerts around here this summer bc festa major concerts are just 🔝🔝 you get to see your fave groups for free and like even if they are pretty popular when it isnt in a big town or a very well connected one maybe you have 100 or 200 ppl to very known bands like its crazy anyway i was checking (using the very efficient method of looking where each concert of each group was and putting it on google maps) and i was getting kinda depressed bc there werent any of the bands i like most and then i was like ok whatever lets check buhos AND THERE WAS ONE YESTERDAY (THE DAY I WAS LOOKING) AT LIKE 20 MINS so obviously we went and like even though i was basically alone (bc the guy i was with is like 14 and he knew some friends that were also close and went too so he spent most of the time with them and i didnt have any friends close) it was a buhos concert so obviously it was super cool also rlly cool bc they are like one of the only bands i like that didnt play at the festival from last week so rlly cool that ive gone to concerts of all my fave bands in just a week i love this (also i was like. 3 meters away from where the tahirt they threw fell😭😭 i wanted a buhos supporter tshirt thats sad)

OH ALSO yesterday too we went to the beach and we played volleyball with random ppl and it had been a whilr since we did that bc they usually see my sister who is very good and they are intimidated but my sister wasnt there so ppl kept coming and asking us to play (we have a net which is like telling ppl pls comee if youre less than like 7 or 8 ppl) and it was rlly fun (even though that one guy was very very annoying but the rest were rlly nice lol)

So yeah now you know basically everything about my life the last 3 weeks

[corvidclub]

The Bear music hcs

Carmy: does not have a music taste. he's rarely shown in the show as listening to music diegetically like Syd or Richie and I chose to believe this is another aspect of his lack of identity outside the kitchen. I think he enjoys individual songs that he associates with his siblings or happens to hear around him but he never goes the extra step of listening during his free time. Because of this, his constant dissociation, and the fact that he never went to parties he missed out on a lot of pop music. So there's a lot of moments where a song will be playing and Carmy will be like 'what is this?' and everyone will look at him crazy because it's like...Lady Gaga or something. Syd sends him some calming instrumental playlists and he's like mindblown that they actually somewhat work.

Sydney: a lot of instrumentals like jazz, ambient, and movie soundtracks. ik a lot of ppl won't like 'syd' and 'lesbian' mentioned in the same sentence but I imagine her music taste as very lesbian in the sense that she listens almost exclusively to female singer-songwriters particularly older ones that her feminist mom listened to like Tracy Chapman. I imagine she went through a phase in middle/high school where she was really into 1D or a kpop bg and that band are the only men on her phone. Her playlists are very chill with a lot of r&b, neo-soul, folk, with the occasional hip hop or indie rock song.

Richie: I think Richie's taste is closest to the actual show soundtrack a lot of dad or alternative rock that was popular in the 80s and 90s. A lot of Chicago artists. Also a lot of movie soundtracks bc I imagine him and Syd as the resident film enjoyers. I think Richie is actually the most "cultured" of the cast in the sense that he actually tries to keep up with what's popular even if it's just to complain about it so he'll listen to whatever the Grammy nominees are or to a popular artists new album if its getting a lot of press. His conversations about music with other characters generally have a lot of 'how have you NEVER listened to x do you live under a rock??' I also hc his family as being originally from the south so I think he has a few guilty pleasure country songs that he listens to.

Marcus: Hip-hip (dare I say Tyler the Creator?), anime openings, and some girly pop songs. #dudesrock

Tina: We've already seen that she likes classic spanish ballads and I think her music taste is pretty similar to that, but I also think she's a Cool Mom who tries to listen to what Louie likes so she'll sometimes be humming Bad Bunny or Rauw during service.

Mikey: I think his taste was very similar to Richie but I think he listened to a lot more hip-hop. He was exactly the type of suburban white kid to get into gangster rap in the 90s to piss of his mom. He probably picked Carmy up from Kindergarten blasting N.W.A. Bragged a lot about being an early Kanye fan (because Chicago) and Eminem fan (because white).

Natalie: It'd be easy to say to that her taste is basic based on her appearance and her being the "normal one" but that just how she had to present to survive her home life and her music I think reflects all her pent-up rage. She went through a punk/emo/goth etc. phase unbeknownst to any of her family bc she would still dress how Donna wanted her to but just listen to the music. I imagine her riding in the car with Richie playing MCR and he's like "I thought you'd listen to pop music" and her rolling her eyes and saying "mcr is pop music" and he is suddenly very intimidated. Basically I picture her having a version of the Jeff papa roach scene from Yellowjackets everytime she leaves work.

Pete: Again it'd be easy to assume he's basic bc he's a dorky white guy but in my mind he's exactly the type of unassuming dorky white guy who is obsessed with music. He knows all the albums that Fantano rated 10 and has thoughts on them. He and Nat slept together for the first time after he invited her to his dorm room to listen to the new Nine Inch Nails album. He secretly judges Richie for being basic.

[cielospeaks]

2022 highlights!

bc i didnt rlly do this in the past but i think its worthwhile!

-the entire n w h half year (like. pretty much jaunary-may or so. maybe more). i saw it 4 times (3 regular, 1 extended version in the summer) and honestly each time is like. storied in a really extra way. wow. easily best thing ive seen this year (tho not to say other things werent good, ie daibouken, spyfamily anime, ect. its just nwh is special to me lol)

-going to tokyo disney for the first time! honestly it made me realize how much of a disney enjoyer i am. and hearing the band was especially magical. i love how they did the atmosphere in it. and i did go on the mi ride 3 times lol

-the first live at b i t. wow. i was super impressed by the live house and despite being surprised i had to go without a mask it was still super fun. also the pasta was delicious. idk i performed a lot more this year and that was fun

-the first few rehearsals for the trio. gosh im still floored that it got me to actually like those songs, and be inspired to find my own spin on them. also just playing blue danube the first time was magical also

-the christmas live. like. oh my gosh i think i cried onstage. fun and funny and happy memories are great but i think sad/bittersweet ones are also important. life is a transient thing so you have to savor what you have when you have it and that is definitely important

-comiket was also underratedly fun. nuff said

gaming highlight: don q being added to g o, me finally getting studra and belibeli in g b f, and ganglot being (technically) the only b3 character i liked (thats somewhat a lie bc i dont mind ymir either).

[the-acid-pear]

Reverend Glasseye will make a whole album about the most miserable and most tortured little souls out there and I'll lose my mind everytime

[faith--in-the-future]

MILAN 10/04/2022

(my first concert<333) ok im still processing and a bit in shock so forgive me if I forget anything but I'll just write a few words to remember the night bc it was AMAZING

ok so first of all enormous thanks to @tanktop-lou and her family for giving me a ride and being generally great!

then thanks to the girls I met in line that I spent the night with bc they were SO NICE, when we were in line there was a dad with a sign saying "I'm looking for a ticket for my daughter " and one of the girls had an extra ticket to sell bc her friend couldn't come but when she saw this guy's daughter was like a 13yo girl she just gifted it to her !!! so sweet!💖 louies are great<333

also the line was INSANE and considering I only waited like 2 hours we got a great spot in the pit !! but truly the line went all around the parking lot MULTIPLE TIMES!! let's just say there was A LOT of pushing and running once the gates opened skjdk

then we got in and everyone in the pit was pushing already lol and I left a few girls go in front of me bc I felt bad for being so tall sksj but then the girl behind me started to get angry at me and my ponytail (??) so I just turned around and ignored her ksjzkd

anywaysss OTP were good although basically nobody knew their songs rip but they still made the best of it and the frontman was very good and energetic! and he tanked and praised louis so many times 🥺🥺🥺🥺 (also the security gave us water ! and told us to not throw anything on stage)

then it was another 30 minutes before louis and the adrenaline (and sweat shsh) were saturating the air. it was great to see a lot of guys and older ppl there too! everyone was so excited and it was so beautiful to see such a big arena get filled by people who were there for louis!!

then the curtain came up and the first lights started shining and let me tell you... his intro his AMAZING like there's an instrumental bit and a lights sequence that just builds up the excitement so WELL and you can literally feel everyone's hearts beating faster ! then the curtain falls and everyone just SCREAMS and from there on its nonstop just SPECTACULAR performance, every moment every light every note every smile it's all just so perfect and so well thought out, it's truly an experience worth every single cent I spent (which weren't even that many tbh for a show this good). I LOVED the screens and the various effects he had on them and the fact that we could also see the band at times, Michael's happiness was truly visible on his face and Steve was just SO GOOD and a great presence, they compliment louis and his energy so well,

LOUIS was just..... beautiful incredible SO FUCKING TALENTED like genuinely there wasn't a single note out of place and his voice was either so perfect it sounded like the studio version OR even better than that bc he was adding high notes and virtuosisms to the songs, his high notes are INSANE like truly he has an AMAZING VOICE and it fills an entire arena so well, I will NEVER understand the people who told him his voice was too weak, it's so far from the truth!!! truly I kept my eyes closed for most of beautiful War bc I wanted to enjoy it to the fullest, and most people also stopped singing bc his voice was THAT beautiful.

also man I'm ashamed to say I had not fully comprehended just how much effort and physical strength goes into every show , I jumped around and screamed a lot but I also took breaks bc it's genuinely so exhausting and while I was in one of these moments taking a break It hit me that louis does and will do this multiple times a week every week for MONTHS like it's truly insanely hard, I don't think I'll be able to move let alone talk tomorrow, I have no idea how he does 3 shows in a row sometimes. I've genuinely gained so much more respect for him and musicians in general tonight.

back to the show, the energy was GREAT everyone around me screamed every word (except 7 which I was like come onnn people it's been years!! but it doesn't matter bc I screamed it all!!!) and louis was visibily SO HAPPY to play in such a big venue and it was just 🥰🥰🥰🥰💖💖💖 the most beautiful feeling, also he was SO HOT!!! and everyone was just so in love with him. also he loved getting the shirts and hoodie and he pointed at a sign that called him a work of art<3333

my favorites live were probably beautiful War, walls, only the brave, through the dark and kmm , his voice in walls and beautiful War is SPLENDID and they're such beautiful moments, otb was BEAUTIFUL the whole venue was so pretty and the rainbow project came out so well!!! TTD and KMM are the perfect closing songs!!! SO much energy and everyone was using every single drop of strength they had left to jump and scream and we really gave it all !!!

and the pyros and silly strings are so amazing and a great experience live !!! it seems silly written down but they just add another layer to the experience and make it more tangible in a way, again everything was so well timed and thought out.

you leave the show truly understanding how much louis CARES and how much effort he puts in his work, he's truly an Artist and a Musician with capital letters and I'm just filled with joy at the thought that he'll get to do this and people will get to experience it for many years to come, I certainly can't wait.

louis, you were beautiful and you shine so bright, its no wonder why some people were always scared of letting you shine but you really proved and prove over and over again that real talent, real care, real love, really do make a difference ♡

[awsugar]

one of the things that i really love about mychem is how fans are still making lyric edits/fan cams/comics/zines/etc from 15 year old songs, how everyone has such a different interpretation of the impression these songs left on them, how art inspires everyone’s creativity differently. a lot of fans ive followed/been mutuals with for a long time find a lot of inspiration and creativity through their music. idrc if we get more content from mychem, i just hope people keep making art.

yea!!! like we are truly persevering despite the lack of new content. i was actually wondering today like if we got new music or interviews would that inspire more people to create fanmade content? bc compared to the past there are so few of us now i feel like. but like. i feel like there are definitely a lot of tv shows that ended that definitely obviously don't have the level of activity in their fandoms now that we still have here. but you have to take into account that even after mcr ended we were well fed for a while with gerard solo content and even moreso frank solo content for like YEARS. so it was easy to stay involved in the fandom. i DO feel like the mcr fandom is super dead now but thats bc i was here back during dd when mcr tumblr was at its peak. but i kind of wonder how much more dead it would be if they had all gone radio silent after the breakup and we didnt still get music and comics and interviews and stuff from them. (all of them). and if they hadn't gotten back together. im interested to see if theres an uptick in activity here once the tour starts and we DO get new content from them, in the form of live videos and anecdotes at least. and tour insta stories/posts from frank plsplsplsplspls. im not holding my breath for interviews or music.

idk sorry i think i got off track. it is AWESOME that people still feel so inspired by mcr and albums that are over 10 years old. im not surprised though. i think its very fitting bc i truly think mcr has the most dedicated fanbase. DEVOTED. i think directioners and like bts stans are definitely like. passionate. and also insane lmao. but i think there is something very special that they put in mcr that the fans resonate with and i think its just. different. always has been always will be. so im not surprised that we're still all here making stuff for a band that hasnt REALLY put out new music in like 10 years and has played 1 live show since 2012. mcr is just extra special and mcr fans will keep going even if they don't.

[desticuleconfessions]

hey desticule. so i have a supernatural-themed girl best friends story that i’ve wanted to share for a long time, especially because none of my irl friends ever rly understood the gravity of this experience w/o the context of spn. there’s a lot of fun parallels to stuff on the show, and its given me like years of brain rot and therapy lmao. so i really deeply appreciate this page as an outlet, thank you so much to the mods for making it. anyways uh. here goes. sorry it’s so long.

[tw: queer trauma, religious trauma, mental illness]

okay so. in 3rd grade i met this girl. we'll call her kate. we became best friends, as in our names were never spoken separately, we did (and won) every science fair together, she came skiing with my family every winter, i stayed with her family at their beach house in the summers, our younger siblings were friends, etc.

our birthdays were exactly 6 months apart (jan 22/jul 22) so we literally believed that we were celestially intertwined.

we wrote a novel together in 8th grade. her family is baptist, we attended massachusetts catholic schools. i would go to church with her family when i slept over, i held hands and said grace with them at meals. they are all tall and blonde and beautiful. classically angelic. i am south asian. i remember introducing her to harry potter in the 4th grade, her mother hadn't let her read em because it was "blasphemous", but i snuck her my copies and she would read them during lunch n recess and keep them in my locker. sorry this seems like a lot of unnecessary detail but it will be important later.

anyways we both got into doctor who and subsequentally supernatural (s1-8?9 at the time). i specifically remember getting her into supernatural. i also remember her instinctive disdain for destiel when i talked about it, i was showing her a meta or fanfic i think, and i talked her through undoing some of her christian household’s internalized homophobia (fully assuming we were both straight at this point) (we were fucking 12). we'd do the whole "bitch" "jerk" thing, i (the older one) affectionately called her 'sammy', her phone password was dean, mine was cas (and they still are). on my 13th birthday, she gifted me a samulet, which i still wear to this day. (additionally, she gave me a vonnegut 'so it goes' necklace one year) (thats not vital but) (goes to show the extent of my dean coding) (im also an aquarius lmao). im highly protective of her. i carry extra rubber bands on my wrist for her. i keep our money and phones in my jacket when the school takes us skiing. i sit next to her in the halls during lunch and organize her binder. on an 8th grade field trip, a boy made a gross comment at her and i broke his nose.

so we start high school together at coed catholic school nearby, i join debate, make a friend also into spn, she's bi. she asks kate out over text. kate's mom sees this. things turn.

now the rest of these things happened over the course of a couple months and due to my trauma memory loss, i have no idea how accurate some of these memories are so uh. don't hold me to them.

- her highly religious mother is not happy with this obviously. at some point, she brings a priest home and tries to have kate exorcised.

- at this point, we learn that kate is schizophrenic; it never seemed to create noticeable issues before bc her home life and childhood was a perfect happy dream (not an assumption, her words).

- she's still coming to school, sporadically now, i bring home her work, spend hours helping her.

- when she comes to school, she has seizures: sometimes we're fortunate enough that they happen in a class we have together. she freezes up and the teacher empties the room. i refuse to leave. i hold her hand and softly sing her favorite song and sometimes she comes back to me. sometimes she doesn’t and the bell rings and the teacher forces me to leave and let the nurse handle it.

- another time they announce a medical lockdown (to keep ppl out of the hallway if someone is being escorted to an ambulance) while im in catholicism class, i immediately know it’s her; she fainted in the pool during swim team practice.

- i stay awake for 6 days straight bc i read online that sleep deprivation induces some of the same symptoms as schizophrenia and if i could understand what she was going through, i could help her

- she shows up at my house w both of her parents 15 minutes before the winter ball, begs me to go bc her parents will only let her if i go. so i do. her mom lurks by the gym doors with the chaperones. during a slow song, kate and debate girl start to slow dance, i grab our friend’s hand, drag him in front of them so her mom can’t see and make out with him.

- i wanted to tell her to stop but i was too afraid i would lose us, that it would seem like i was homophobic or i was jealous, but i knew her in my marrow and it didn’t seem like she was in love or into the relationship, it was willful self destruction

- we talked in the last few years, she confirmed this.

- at some point, she says she’s sorry she didn’t tell me about the voices before.

- when we talk, she’s not her anymore, she doesn’t remember our inside jokes, our codes, i can feel her being slowly ripped away and apart in real time

- i have a vivid memory of arguing with her and her telling me im not real, that her mind made me up, while occasionally speaking to something? someone? else in the room. i hold her hand and point to the matching thin scars on our thumbs and try to convince her im real.

- she eventually drops out entirely, taken to some mental facility that im not entirely sure wasnt conversion therapy (it was definitely a religious facility) (and conversion therapy was not outlawed in new hampshire until 2019) and im not allowed to see her.

- every now and then i get cryptic distressing emails or texts from her.

- one in particular has the subject, “youandiwalkafragilelineihaveknownitallthistimebutineverthoughtidlivetoseeitbreak” which is the first line of the song ‘haunted’ by taylor swift (our shared favorite)(the summer after this happened we collectively decided we needed a new swift Our Song and chose ‘breathe’). the body of the email read “what the hell have i done”

- i pray for the first time in my life, every single day for a few months, in different languages, at temple with my parents, in the chapel at school

- on a club trip, i get a call at 2am from her, crying, asking me why i didn’t help her, why i didn’t stop her, that it was my job to protect her

here’s something i wrote about her, three yrs after:

I wasn’t careful enough and she caught quickly. She burned so close and so bright that for long afterwards, I could not see. And like that, she was gone. I walked into the chapel. Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

[that last line is from the latin version for a catholic prayer called the act of contrition, it translates to “through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault”]

in the fall, i hear she’s starting at a small baptist school almost an hour from her house. she is dating the principal’s son. the principal is also her pastor.

in my second year of college, i have a bad acid trip in a snowy park in december. i put my hands into the snow and when i look at them,i see blood. i see her body in the snow adorned like it’s a funeral

i still have dreams about her. sometimes i meet her in a grassy field, flying kites and i invite her to my wedding. in others, i catch a glimpse of her ponytail and catholic school skirt and chase her up eight flights of stairs and when i grab her hand, she turns to ash.

at some point in a separate argument w my parents in which they went through my texts and found out i wasn’t straight (amongst other things) my dad says:“i knew i should’ve listened to [kate’s dad] when he told me the things you would talk about. he knew what you are. and he took his daughter away from you.”

last christmas we met up and drove around together, she tells me that for years she thought i hated her for letting me down and for abandoning me, and i literally have the dean winchester in ‘sacrifice’ five stages of grief when sam says “you know what i confessed in there?” because i could not even begin to fathom that she ever blamed herself. it had always been my fault. i had failed to save her. i corrupted her and i failed to save her.

anyways she’s fine now, she’s okay, im okay, we’ve talked and unpacked and we’re alright. but uh. yeah. that happened. the parallels make me crazy. now they can make you crazy too.

‎

[starchildrenofdustand-ashes]

My Six The Musical Review

Once again nobody cares— BUUUT I saw SixChicago yesterday with Adrianna Hicks as Aragon, Andrea Macasaet as Bolyen, Abby Mueller as Seymour, Brittney Mack as Cleves,  Anna Uzele as Parr. Here are somethings I noticed (essentially this is a rundown of everything you wouldn’t get just from listening to the album lol) ((Also im so tired and its 12.28 am and im sorry for any mistakes))

❤️💚💛💗🖤💙

👑 So before the show, they were playing a ton of pop music, but it was on an instrument that kinda sounded like a lute or harpsichord. 👑 When the Queens walked out from behind the curtain in a single file line to take their place on stage, the crowd went crazy. They all came out through a tiny crack in the curtain,, but when they belt “LIIIIVE” the curtain falls to the floor as is dragged off stage. 👑During the dance breaks in Ex-Wives, they go from dancing hip hop, to dancing with each other in a style they would’ve done back then to the beat. It was cute. 👑It was so weird hearing their accents! I’m always expecting “divooced” but it felt like they were almost emphasizing the r “ divoRRced” 👑Before Catherine of Aragon starts singing in Ex-Wives she says “Remember us from PBS??” 👑When Jane Seymour sings her bit in the song she moves Stage Left and when the Queens all say “Hey!” She looks surprised and shrugs, continuing to sing 👑Anna really played up the “JA’s” during her bit and IT WAS SO CUTE (you will find I am partial to clever, bc my gay ass is in love with her.) 👑There is so much dialogue!! After they say “Chicago!! How’re you doing tonight!!” They say we are “SIIIIX” in their harmonies and “Welcome to our divorced, beheaded, LIVE TOUR” 👑Aragon says “WE HAVE SO MUCH IN STORE FOR YOU TONIGHT— WE HAVE THE RIFFS TO RUFFLE YOUR RUFFS” before she does a really sick riff 👑A few of the other queens add on to that,, I forgot what they said but then  Howard says “AND A WHOLE LOT OF HISTORY” and Parr cuts her off and says “OR AS WE SAY A WHOLE LOT OF HERSTORY” 👑then they introduce their band (who are on the stage with then) as their ladies in waiting and I was soft 👑 So then they go on to explain the deal with the show; they are all competing against each other for the crown of the “ultimate” queen based on who had to put up with the most shit from Henry 👑 When they’re going down the line to explain why they say 💛Who lasted longest was the strongest 💚The biggest sinner is obvs the winner 🖤 I have no idea what Seymour said I don’t remember DX ❤️Who was most chased is first place 💗The most glorious will be victorious 💙The winning contestant was the most protestant (but she says it so it rhymes with contestant and then all the queens look at her like ??? And she sighs and says ‘protestant’ with its correct pronunciation 👑Aragon says “How in the purgatory are they gonna choose a leading lady??” 👑”The queen to take the crown will be the one who had the biggest, the firmest, the fullest…. LOAD OF BS TO DEAL WITH FROM THE MAN WHO PUT A RING ON IT 👑There is a reprise of Ex-wives but this time they change the lyrics to “welcome to the show to the coronation” 👑💛lol Aragon cut the reprise off and was like “It doesn’t matter, because I’m the winner” and then she asked the drummer for a beat 👑💛So with the beat, Aragon begins to tell her story, and the bass is strumming the baseline for no way 👑💛”Okay, I’m thinking its… a bit weird they want me to marry my… dead husbands brother”… 👑💛So then she continues recounting the story and she says “I saw lipstick on his collar and I’m like… okAY… so now he wants to annul our marriage and moves this sidekick into mY palace and wants me in a CONVENT” and she’s on a RANT so she pauses and breathes really heavily before smiling really widely and sighing “Now… I don’t think I look that good in a wimple so I said. No. Way.”  And the song starts immediately after that 👑💛Idk what else to say except that Aragon was a total badass and Adrianna Hicks  was a fucking QUEEN 👑💛When she asks him to name when she’s ever caused him pain, she’s all the way upstage on the same platform/semi circle that the band is on, and she’s on her knees kinda begging kinda. She pauses for a LONG time and waits for an answer and her face is smug when she’s like “no?” 👑💛She said “I had the most to deal with AND I hit that high c so that crown is mine,” 👑The other Queens stop her and are like theres another really REALLY IMPORTANT one… the one that overlapped with you who is she?? The famous one that people actually care about!” Then they all start chanting “The one you’ve been waiting for” and the lighting turns green,, while they’re chanting, Anne Boleyn looks really confused and shrugs and walks to the back of the stage and picks up her phone 👑💚The Queens eventually say “The temptresssssss” and they hold it out like a snake “ANNE BOLYEN” and they sing this very choir like 👑💚They all turn to her and Anne is just sitting there cackling at whatever is on her phone and she’s like “ Whoops sorry,,” and Don’t loose your head starts 👑💚Andrea Macasaet has SUCH a high pitched voice she was absolutely ADORABLE 👑💚When she said “get ahead” she smirked and everyone laughed 👑💚Instead of her voice going down on “Pret a Manger,” it got even higher almost In a mocking French accent. 👑💚She is pissing Aragon the fuck off this entire song lol 👑💚When she says “Are you blind??” She gestures between she and Aragon 👑💚 “What was I meant to do?” Is sung like a confused toddler lol 👑💚 So the bit where they play the wedding song, all the queens bow to her and she walks past, smiling and waving and she gets to the end of the line and is like “Hold up,, let me tell you how it went down HENRY’S OUT EVERY NIGHT …. Etc” 👑💚”Bro just shut up!” Instead of mate 👑💚She even asks the band what was she meant to do, and everyone is repeating her and she screams “OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY HE REALLY WANTS TO CUT MY HEAD OFF” 👑💚and then she grins again after a long silence and she’s all smug like “I guess he really liked my head…..” While kinda licking her lips lol 👑💚DEAR GOD HER RIFFS JESUS FUCKING HREHTTLTURHGUEHURL 👑💚And she was like “yeah… that was such a weekend… I like died… and it was so extra! So im clearly the winner. So now, I have to sing a song I wrote when I found out that Catherine of Aragon had died. Its called WEAR YELLOW TO A FUNERAL SING IF YOU KNOW THE WORDS. And the bass came in and Boleyn sings “Catherine was a massive C-” and the other Queens immediately shut her up 👑Aragon and Boleyn start arguing until Seymour is like “its my turn now…” 👑Everyone looks at het before they burst out laughing, telling her ‘bye’ and ‘girl, please’ 👑And Seymour is like yeah,, I was in love and I was really really lucky. 👑🖤 And Seymour goes into this really heartbreaking monologue about how she missed her songs future and how she had a picture of her family. She said that Henry was really sweet and that she loved him 👑Boleyn cuts her off and is like “yeahhhh,, there was this one really cute time where he, like, cut my head off :) 👑🖤Seymour said that Aragon and Boleyn were badasses. Then she said that she promised to always stay by his side and didn’t yell at him back like the other two because she loved him. Then she dedicated the song to him 👑🖤Heart of Stone started and honestly,,, its not my favorite song and I usually skip it. But mY GOODNESS. Abby Mueller is a fucking goddess wow. The amount of control she has on her voice is astounding 👑🖤(fun fact abt me— I have perfect pitch lol)  they pitch changed it into A major and it transposes into B major which was SO BEAUTIFUL. It made me actually like the song lol 👑🖤Its not really eventful,, she just stands in the middle of the stage. 👑Seymour is like,, “what hurts more than a broken heart?” And  Boleyn is like “A chopped off head” 👑Almost immediately  after it transfers to Cleves and she’s like “soo he’s running out of options in England he had to expand his fields and adjust his location settings to find his next queen. We are Heading to Germany where  he got the help of Han….. 👑At some point during the song, the other queens ran off stage to get their glasses and ruffs 👑They all run back on stage in their glasses and ruffs (Cleves still hasn’t said his last name yet) and they all whisper “Holbien” 👑WELCOME TO THE HOUSE 👑lol this song is SO funny… and Cleves is so fucking adorable (she was flossing at some point). The dancing was so… German…it was hilarious. 👑So after the song is done,, the girls still have their ruffs and glasses on and it kinda turns into a mobile app like tinder.. 👑Basically there are two queens before Cleves and they all stand up and walk downstage as they are introduced, they smile and their picture is taken and they wait for about two seconds before Henry swipes left or right. 👑The two in front of Cleves are played by Parr and Howard. 👑After Cleves is selected their is a Holbein reprise 👑❤️The other queens run off taking the ruffs and Cleves is left on the stage sighing comically several times. She’s at the back of the stage sitting on a makeshift stone 👑❤️”Its the tragic story of a princess-educated, savvy, young- deemed ugly by an ulcer-ridden, wheezing, winkled man 20 years her senior.” 👑❤️WHATS A MORE DEVASTATING FATE THAN BEING FORCED INTO A BEAUTIFUL PALACE IN RICHMOND WITH MORE MONEY THAN I COULD EVER SPEND AND NO MAN TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH IT 👑❤️Get down is also key changed 👑❤️When she sings “I’m the Queen of the castle” she is skipping across the stage 👑❤️When she gives her fur to the footman, she actually takes off her coat and hands it to one of the queens. The crowd went crazy and she’s like “guys stop,’ and like acting all shy but secretly enjoying it-she says “Okurrrrrrrrr” . Then she’s like “AS YOU WERE” and everyone is quiet lol 👑❤️the part where it slows down and she’s like “SIT DOWNNN YOU DIRTTTY RrrrrrASCALLL” she opera sings it and I shat myself 👑❤️she uses her microphone as a lute lol 👑❤️YOU CANT (nope) STOP (nuh-uh) YOU CANT STOP ME 👑❤️At some point she squeezes her boob. I love her. 👑❤️after she kills us all by belting that last note she points to a girl in the front row and is like “YOU IN THE PINK DRESS!” and she gestures for her to stand up. And the girl stands up and they bop together with Cleves ad libbing in the background 👑❤️Eventually she says “Okay sugar this is my song, GET DOWN” 👑❤️And then after a moment of silence she’s like “So yeah it was really tragic…” 👑Aragon is like that doesn’t sound difficult at all and Ceves is like “oh… yeah.. I probably won’t win this thing… WELP BACK TO THE PALACE!” 👑the queens argue more and honestly it’s iconic 👑Seymour is yelling at Aragon and her voice is so loud and Cleves interrupts her and is like “guys,… I have the plague” and they all gasp and she’s like “HAHA JUST KIDDING MY LIFES AMAZING” they roll their eyes and Parr is like “our next queen! K HOWARD!” And everyone is like who??? 👑Aragon is like “ The least relevant Catherine,,” and Boleyn is like “Yeahhh i get it and I still don’t care,,,”
👑Howard is like “You’re right… I need all the help I can compete. What happened to you was terrible,, and so were you songs,,” Then she proceeded to roast everyone. She says “Anne you obviously had it worse I mean you lost your head……. Oh wait…..” 👑💗And then she says “but seriously Anna, getting rejected for your looks really sucks…. cant relate…I’m really hot…. So yeah. I can compete like this” or smthing and then all you wanna do starts. 👑💗At the beginning of the song the queens touch her everywhere and she leans into it willingly 👑💗Blowing the flute,, she winks at the audience and when she says C-D she puts her hand in front of her crotch and squeezes. 👑💗 “There was this guy… Francis and he asked me to be his little piece of aaaasssssss…istant! 👑💗The song goes from upbeat to upsetting very very quickly after Francis she starts to become less trusting and she gets more disoriented as the show goes on. 👑💗”Apparently men only hire women to get them into their private chamber… times were different then…” 👑💗When she says “He says  we have this connection,”  about Henry Seymour comes from behind her and touches her stomach — all you can see is her hand touching her sensually. She looks a little surprised and then she’s like “I guess its not so different..” 👑💗By the time we get to Thomas Culpepper she is flustered and VERY uncomfortable. The girls are all touching her now and she looks down and stares at their hand before pushing them away and finishing the end of the song. she keeps pushes them away but they keep coming back. She looks utterly heartbroken and you can see her unraveling. 👑💗THAT RIFF WAS SO GGHRSILGBRLGKJBJL 👑💗she screams “WHEN WILL ENOUGH BE ENOUGH” as they keep touching her and she fails as she pushes them away. 👑💗Eventually she gets them off but she ends up by herself on the stage with her face facing up and a dim pink spotlight is on her. 👑💗There is a chilling silence and then she’s smiling and says ‘YEAH and then I was beheaded and I won this competition!” 👑Then they get into another argument. Boleyn starts talking about how her beheading was more relevant because Henry humiliated her more and Aragon was like,,, um I won the humiliation game and she counts her mistresses 👑Then they start yelling about the miscarriages they had and Boleyn says she has three and Aragon says “You know what Anne BO-LOSER I HAD FIVE” and Parr is like “this is not okay, don’t compare miscarriages, thats hella insensitive” and they push her to the center and tell her to sing her song 👑Theres a random baseline again and Parr looks like she’s about to start singing but she stops and says,,”I’m good,” and tries to go off stage. They all accuse her of being a sore loser because she survived and knows that she had no chance of winning. 👑Parr is like,,, NO its pitting us against each other and the queens all groan  and make fun of her and she’s like okay,, imma sing the song then. And Katherine Howard says “Are you sure?? Are you sure you dont want to stick to backing vocals where you belong?” 👑💙And Parr softly says “Queens take a seat,” before turning to the pianist and saying “Can you give me a Bb maj7, please?” 👑💙Parr shuts down all the queens and says her life wasn’t all rainbows because she survived. And she talks about her love tom, and I never realized that the song is a letter to tom. She starts off “Dear Tom, You know I love you boy,” 👑💙 Anna Uzele was so fucking good. And Tbh,, this is my least favorite song so I don’t remember much about the staging (I’m sorry) 👑💙Side note,, parr is such a badass and an amazing woman 👑At the end of the song, she turns to the queens and is like “without Henry we all disappear ,” and Boleyn is like “I don’t get it” and parr asks “How does anyone know who we are” and Boleyn is like “mY SiX fInGeRs-“ before Aragon cuts her off and is like “Put it away, baby” 👑Parr then asks Henry the 7 and 6’s wives names and nobody can answer. “but, when we get together as a group-“ Boleyn cuts her off and is like “EVERYONE NOTICES THAT JANE CAN’T DANCE!” “NO WE COMPARE OURSELVES” 👑when Boleyn finally gets it she explains the situation like she’s an encyclopedia and it was so funny and fast and oMG 👑”UGH if we had realized this before we started we could have done something else like make a fake competition to show everyone how messed up comparing us is and then we could reclaim our story and all become the leading ladies…” “:/ and they are all saying this dialogue its just split up and I dont remember it very well 👑IF ONLY WE HAD THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE 👑then they look at each other and smirk at the audience before reprising Parr’s song as “We don’t need your love,” 👑Which was so good bc THEY DON’T NEED HENRY’S LOVE YES 👑Then they point out “We might only be remember for marrying the same man,, but why does anyone give a sh- who he is? It’s because of his,,” then they all harmonize ’SIIIIIIX WIVES’ 👑AND WE ALL HAVE A ROYAL HAPPY EVER AFTER but Boleyn cuts Seymour off and is like “But we didn’t” 👑then they go onto explain how none of them had happy endings and they’re like,, but we can rewrite them! So they do and that leads into Six which is such a soft song. 👑Six, actually starts off very slowly. It speeds up after they say “we’re six” 👑It was such an energy ending I was speechless and gold confetti poured down on them and OMG I was shaken to my core. 

[chilling-seavey]

Lucy Elizabeth Seavey was born on June 24th, 2024 at 1:56pm, brought calmly into the world from the comfort of home. She was 7lbs 11oz and 20 inches long with a full head of light blonde hair and bright blue eyes and the moment she breathed her first breath, her parents fell just in love with her than they had with her two older sisters – especially Daniel who cried his eyes out when she was born.

Florence and Daniel had two babies well before they got married yet alone engaged as life had a few unplanned tricks up its sleeve but, on their wedding night, the newlyweds agreed that they wanted one more baby; their one chance to things ‘the right way’. So they came back home from their honeymoon pregnant and unbelievably in love and spent the next few months preparing their apartment for their third child’s arrival. After two stressful pregnancies, Florence wanted nothing but the epitome of calm for this last one so they worked with a midwife and got a homebirth set up for whenever baby girl #3 was set to arrive. Lucy’s birth story can be found here if you’re interested!

For the other two girls, Florence had chosen their names since she was technically a single mother at the time of the birth certificate signings, but with Lucy, Daniel and Florence went through list after list together almost every night before bed to find the perfect name together. By now you know that Daniel had a bit of a music obsession and he was really searching for a name that meant just as much to him that Florence liked as well. Lucy was named after a song by The Beatles (Daniel’s favourite band), Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, which Daniel did not know was about LSD until his daughter was already a year old. He had a bit of a mental breakdown over that: “I named my baby daughter after a hallucinogenic drug?! What kind of father does that?!”. Elizabeth was simply another old fashion regal name that Florence adored and it flowed so nicely with her first name. Lucy Elizabeth; their littlest princess.

It was already a short name so there wasn’t much room for nicknames but she was Lucy Lu to her family and Lu-Lu to her sisters, princess to Daniel for reasons stated above – she was their littlest princess and Daniel’s own sweet little mini me. She might have had her mother’s blonde hair but she had Daniel’s eyes, nose, and infectious smile…definitely a Seavey with those beautiful genes.

Lucy had always been an independent girl; she was the earliest of her sisters to walk and talk, and her favourite phrase as a baby and toddler was “me do” as she was determined to do things herself. Despite this fierce independence of hers, Lucy always held her family close and loved to spend time with them – Christmas had always been her favourite time of the year since they got to visit Daniel’s parents and siblings in Vancouver. She was a sociable girl and loved to talk since the moment she could, making up all sorts of stories through every part of her day, especially to Daniel. They called Lucy ‘Daniel’s Shadow’ because she was always rushing after him wherever he went from the day she could walk (and even before that as she always demanded to be picked up by him). The poor man could hardly go to the bathroom without the baby toddling after him. He learned to lock the door the hard way.

When it came to her interests, Lucy was the daughter who had a knack for music, she was Daniel’s little musical prodigy. He tried to get all of his girls interested in at least piano from a young age but Clementine got bored of it too easily and Penelope just could not get it right…with Lucy, Daniel went in to their first home lesson with low hopes but she caught on almost right away; even Florence was shocked at how easily it came to her pre-school daughter. Of course, this was a dangerous game as she often woke up in the middle of the night to Daniel and four-year-old Lucy sat at the grand piano in the living room at 3am punching out a few tunes in their pyjamas. He just couldn’t help himself.

Daniel took it upon himself to teach Lucy everything that he knew about music and he brought her to his studio often to not only give her music lessons but teach her about producing as she got older. By the time she was fourteen, Tuesdays and Thursdays after school were the days when Lucy would take the subway to the studio and spend the remainder of Daniel’s workday working with him and making music. It was the reason why Clementine and Penelope always called Lucy his favourite child. But Daniel didn’t have a favourite; he loved all his girls the exact same. He just had an extra thing to connect with Lucy through. Lucy had started piano lessons by age four, guitar at seven, cello at nine, and singing lessons off and on throughout her elementary school years and into high school; all taught to her by her father which definitely saved the family a lot of money. In high school, she was in the performing arts program for instrumental music (she played cello in the band but could also pick up the flute if they needed) and theatre. She dabbled in a little dance as she grew up too; ballet, tap, and musical theatre. She really gave multi-talented Clementine a run for her money sometimes. High school allowed her to really blossom in theatre, always in awe by musical films and live theatre on their one family trip to New York and she saw her first Broadway show. Daniel was her go to for music but her Uncle Christian was her go to for acting since he majored in it in college himself and Lucy called him often for advice or video chatted him to run lines for her school plays.

School wasn’t really Lucy’s first priority other than the arts. She did reasonably well in school but could have really shone if she applied herself; and she got into arguments with Florence a lot about it, her mother trying hard to get her to put the same amount of dedication into her school work that she put into her music. English and math and science and the sort never interested Lucy though, and she could never bring herself to work hard in those generic subjects since all she wanted to do in life was musical theatre; a perfect mesh of her music and her acting. She begged her parents to let her apply to art schools for university to major in musical theatre but they were concerned because it wasn’t a very promising career for post-graduation. On their trip to Vancouver for Christmas for her senior year, Lucy confided in Christian and he woke up at 4am one day to sneak her out across the bay to the city of Victoria to tour the Canadian College of Performing Arts and be back in time for supper. Lucy absolutely fell in love with the campus and the program and she came back to her grandparents’ house absolute beaming and thrusting the pamphlets at her parents, rushing out everything she learned and planned from the tour. Christian’s cheeky grin at his brother and sister-in-law’s unimpressed glares was magazine worthy. So Lucy moved to BC the following year to major in musical theatre at CCPA.

Lucy was very generous, charming, and really too sweet for her own good. She was fiercely independent and sociable and always had lots of friends as she loved being kind to everyone. She always felt emotions strongly which often allowed for harsh mood swings is someone questioned her character, passions, or her family. She loved being surrounded by people and tended to fall in love the ‘fastest’ out of her sisters. She had a few boyfriends while growing up, her most serious one during her senior year was her prom date and left her with a pregnancy scare at nearly eighteen and Daniel almost died and went to heaven when she came to her parents crying in fear; not only because that was his little girl but because her boyfriend always reminded him of Florence’s jerk off of an ex, Matt. Thankfully, all was well, the pregnancy test was negative, and Lucy moved across the country for school. She had a few quick romances over there, often fueled by sudden passion and momentary infatuation rather than love per se but she fell hard for her university dance coach, Xavier, in third year. He was only a few years older than her and both of them seemed to have an attraction they couldn’t deny, but Lucy let him chase her for a bit before they finally went on a few dates and made it official. Daniel was not impressed that he was the last one to find out about that and through his brother, Tyler, of all people. Since when did Tyler know more about his daughter’s life than he did? Regardless, Xavier was a good guy and when Lucy brought him home one summer, Florence and Daniel knew they were a perfect match.

For those of you interested in astrology, Lucy is a Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon, and Libra Rising.

She is the most religious out of her family and even as a kid would shout “Thank you, God!” before eating her dinner. Her favourite colour is gold or literally anything that sparkles, she loves all genres of music but has a secret playlist of early 2000s punk rock, she has her parents’ initials tattooed on her ankle, and her favourite meal always has been chicken nuggets and she lives off of them in university.

Lucy’s songs are:

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by The Beatles

Elizabeth by Julia Jacklin

Face Claims:

Baby Lucy’s face-claim is Pose LaBrant (@/posierayne on Instagram). These photos are not mine, all credit belongs to her

Teenage Lucy’s face-claim (ABM2 Era) is Mackenzie True (@/macktrue on Instagram). These photos are not mine, all credit belongs to her

[callioope]

I’ve been vague about what has been going on in my life intentionally, both because I needed to tell some people offline first and because it’s a lot to process. 

But here is what happened: I am in the process of miscarrying.

I thought it might help to share my story. Miscarriage is more common than people realize and rarely talked about. If someone can benefit from my story, all the better, but mostly this is to help my grieving and coping process.

This is pretty detailed, so trigger warnings and all that.

Exactly one month ago, I read the results I had longed for: pregnant.

Today, I’m sprawled out on the couch in the most excruciating pain I’ve ever experienced. 

They don’t tell you that miscarriage is a process.

We’ve been trying to conceive since the end of last June. It was taking so long, I was convinced I’d be scheduling a fertility consultation this coming June. They tell you if you’re under 35, to give it a year. Before we started trying to conceive, I’d tell anyone about how time speeds up the older you get. It makes sense logically, of course, when a year is 1/5 of your life, it sure seems long, but went its 1/32, well... 

But this has been the longest eleven months of my life. The first month we started trying, I had an unusually long cycle. 39 days. I was so sure I was pregnant. My breasts had been hurting for two weeks. Husband and I were vacationing in Minnesota to see Aston Villa play. I bought a pregnancy test, beaming, excited, and was puzzled by the negative result. A week later, when my period came, I cried to my mother, and she said something about the universe saying I wasn’t ready or something. Whatever it was sounded bleak and ominous to my ears. It sounded like it meant I’d never be ready. 

The fall was busy and stressful, and despite all the tedious ovulation test strips, nothing happened except somehow, my period got lighter month by month. I was pretty sure something was wrong with me. I thought I had a UTI. (I was actually stressed and dehydrated, which I eventually remedied.) While I cried at a Sara Bareilles concert in November, my mother told me that her OBGYN said it can take as much at 9 months for the body to recalibrate after being on the pill.

Speaking of which. I’ve been taking the pill for over a decade. For the most part, I took it correctly. There is some leeway to taking it incorrectly, for the record. You can miss two pills in a row and it still has instructions for what to do (while cautioning to be safe and use extra protection). Maybe only once did I ever have to throw out a pack for missing too many in a row. 

(This is maybe neither here nor there, but rebelcaptain accidental pregnancy fics have become a bit of a pet peeve for me. Jyn and Cassian are far too careful and intentional to let that happen, and it is so easy to be responsible since there are so many birth control alternatives these days that don’t even require reliance on routine or memory.)

So, of course, the concern lately is that clearly 10+  years on birth control has messed me up. I do not know this objectively (what I do know is that I have OCD and anxiety and obsess over Everything That Can Go Wrong), but the point is that birth control really can have consequences that I don’t think are necessarily fully understood or studied. DO NOT GET ME WRONG, USE BIRTH CONTROL. My only regret is what I didn’t know.

I learned too late, but a lot of conception advice articles tell you to quit the BC as soon as possible. Even if my mom’s OBGYN is wrong, the general advice does seem to be that it can take up to 3 months for your body to recalibrate. So, if by any chance someone reading this is thinking about conceiving soon, if you take nothing else away from this rant, take this. I wish I had stopped taking the pill a few months before we actually intended to start trying.

After ten months of all this worrying, I finally got what I’d longed for. The moment I saw that positive result, it felt so surreal. There had been little things leading up to that moment, strange hints and signs, like I knew subconsciously even before a test would have been positive. I wrote that Howl’s Moving Castle pregnancy fic before I knew. I started learning “Here Comes the Sun” on my ukulele before I knew (it’s... silly, but I decided I wanted to learn the ukulele because I wanted to be able to play that song for my kids some day). It involves finger picking, so I’d been putting off learning it, but one day I just decided it was time. And finally, I decided to watch the latest season of Brooklyn 99. I’d avoided it because I knew Amy & Jake were also trying to conceive, and it was too emotional for me to watch that when I was so frustrated for how long I was taking. (Of course I didn’t realize they also had trouble, and watching it actually felt cathartic for me.) I got that positive result literally the next morning. 

I spent Monday, April 20, making checklists and spreadsheets. I set my first prenatal appointment for May 8. Those two and a half weeks were the slowest of my life. They stretched out like a rubber band. I couldn’t really focus on anything except this pregnancy I’d waited so long for. That’s probably why time moved so slowly. I wasn’t filling it with the hobbies I enjoyed, writing and playing my ukulele. All my overwhelmed brain could handle was the hilarious distraction of Community. Yeah, this is also around the time I disappeared from fandom. It was originally for a happy reason, I was just too excited to focus!

I know many women who have miscarried. The data seems to vary from source to source, but anywhere between 10% to 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. I couldn’t wait to get to the doctor to confirm everything was okay. I wondered if they would do an ultrasound; I dreamed of seeing a fetus on that screen.

We started talking about how we were going to tell our family. We wrote a pretend promotion letter for my sister, promoting her from “sister” to “aunt” (she’s a badass at her job and we had recently been talking about her promotions so it was thematically relevant). We planned to do a video call with my parents where we played Quiplash and created custom answers related to the pregnancy. 

But we never got that chance. On May 8, I went in for my first appointment. I’d spent the last three days sewing a mask because the ones we ordered still haven’t arrived yet. So all the time I would have spent preparing myself for the worst (as is my way) was spent instead distracted by sewing and finishing up Community. 

They took me to an office first and went over medical history questions. “Any morning sickness?” the nurse asked. “Not at all,” I said. “Should I be worried?” “No,” she answered. “Consider yourself lucky!” 

(For the record, many women who carry to term do not ever get morning sickness.)

(It was just one of those unfortunate exchanges.)

Then the exam with the doctor. All in all, it’d probably been 30 or 40 minutes by this point, all of this excited talk. I was going to tell my parents on Mother’s Day. My due date was Christmas.

I video call my husband just in time for the ultrasound. 

There was no embryo. 

The doctor said a lot of women are ovulating later in their cycles due to the stress of the pandemic. At the time, I thought maybe. Hope is funny like that, in the face of logic. It started to grow like a weed in the cracks of my breaking heart. 

But the thing is, even with that stubborn hopeweed, I knew. I’d been doing this for ten months. I knew when my last period was, I knew when I ovulated. I was 7 weeks and 1 day, and there was no embryo, and that was it.

The beginning of the process of miscarriage. 

Technically, it’d started a few days before that appointment, but I was distracted at that time. I’d noticed one morning that there seemed to be more hair in the shower floor than there should be. 

Dots started to connect. My breasts had stopped aching. Now, they started to shrink back to their original size. 

This happened over several days. I felt certain I would miscarry on Mother’s Day; fortunately, that did not happen. No, enough days had to pass for that hopeweed to prosper. Only then, when it whispered maybe would I start spotting and cramping. 

On Tuesday, the second ultrasound confirmed what I already knew. Not viable. Missed miscarriage. Technically, the prescription the doctor hands me reads “missed abortion.” “It’s just the technical term,” the doctor explains, acknowledging that many women might find this triggering. 

I don’t cry as much as I did. I only cry when I tell people. It seems important for people to know, just in case. Just one person in the relevant circles of my life. I had to tell my boss to explain the sudden uptick in unexpected doctor appointments. (I’m Rh negative, so I needed to go to the hospital to get bloodwork and a Rhogam shot -- and being in a hospital these days in anxiety-inducing enough without this trauma.)

It still feels surreal. All of this happened in one month. Somehow my life has changed completely and then reverted back. This is just a blip in my life, relatively, and yet it seems the longest month of my life.

In movies, in stories, miscarriage seems to go the same way: a flash of bloody sheets, a shout of shock and pain, and then grief. I never knew how it really goes: that it would stretch out for weeks, from the moment I saw that first ultrasound to now, twelve days later, just starting to bleed. I’ll have to go back for another ultrasound to confirm it’s done, and if it’s not, then I’ll need surgery. 

This speaks nothing of the grief. 

And then it’s back to square one, a whole year later: ovulation tests and endless waiting. 

It’s been a whole month; it’s been only a month, and miscarriage is a process.