#i like the idea that clay is very fashion forward when hes not being Serious (i.e. wearing coveralls every day during astronaut training)

[prommytheus]

pov a pair of college sophomores walk into a theatre and ask for two tickets to the barbie movie

[cielpansyhive]

Cielpansyhive multichapter WIP list!

All of these are in various stages. Some fics are completely plotted, hence the chapter count, some chapters are to be decided still. Others are mostly figured out, a few are vague ideas. A handful of them already have a chapter mostly written that just hasn't been posted yet. I'm including works I have posted on AO3 but haven't finished in this list. I've been busy the past few years, I just haven't been posting or talking about my works. I'd love to answer questions about any of these, without spoiling anything of course.

Kuroshitsuji:

Revamp – Heavy LGBTQ+ characters and themes, modern setting. Sebastian rents out a room in Ciel’s house. After much flirting and interests are made aware, Ciel will have to admit to Sebastian he’s a trans man that has been living in stealth. Sebastian was never able to explore his identity freely. Both have old trauma they must navigate as well as society and family’s expectations. Friends to lovers sebaciel. Found family and discovery of identity. Drag queens galore! Background Alois/Lizzie, Grell/Madam Red, Agni/Soma. Slice of life, smut, sex positivity, mental health, trauma, angst with happy ending. (20 chapters) Currently under revision as this was my first fic!

Skilamalink – Crimson Peak AU, early 1900’s. Two brothers and their mysterious butler must find a way to get their hands on a small fortune. Their inheritance is sinking into the red clay. Ciel Phantomhive searches for a new bride in hopes of marrying into wealth. Tragedy follows the Phantomhives like a dark shadow. Astre Phantomhive is deathly ill and in need of treatment. While he knows there are sinister things that go on behind the scenes, in his wildest dreams he could never imagine what is being kept from him. When Elizabeth Midford comes into the picture secrets begin to unfold. Horror, whump, mystery, murder, ghosts, dark fic, smut, romance, multiple ships, implied incest, satisfying ending. (6 chapters)

Freakshow – 1930’s circus AU, The Great Depression era, prohibition. Sebastian has searched the city only to have every door slammed in his face. Reluctantly he turns to the only place he hasn't tried, the circus. The last thing he wants to be viewed as is a freak, but he doesn't blend in society very well with Marfan syndrome. Circus owner William T. Spears is falling apart at the seams. His circus is failing, though he'd never admit it to anyone. Too many people depend on him, namely his twin sons, Ciel and Astre. Ciel is the star of the show, the biggest and brightest. His acts include knife throwing, magic, and good old fashion card tricks, made even more impressive by his blindness. Even with the crowds dwindling, he's not ready to move out from center stage. Especially not for the rookie new act. Astre is bored to death. The circus has been the same for years. Same people, same acts, same crippling anxiety that keeps him from performing. People try to make the circus seem spectacular, but to Astre it's just dull, everyday life. Astre has a difficult time making friends due to his inability to speak. Heavy angst, some dark themes, slow burn, past Snake/Astre. (Chapters TBD)

Rumors – Famous AU. Modern setting. A model and a rockstar couple, how original. Sebastian and his band are at the top of their game. Everyone wants to interview them, the paparazzi won’t leave them alone, and rumors fly in an instant. Ciel’s a well-known heir and model, finally making his first semi-public appearance since he was held for ransom. People want his story, at least what they can’t already see. Ciel is never without his eyepatch and gloves, he refuses to talk about that day. He attempts to move forward with his modeling career. Ciel hasn’t been laid in years, of course he won’t turn down the handsome rock star that approaches him at a party. For Sebastian it’s been…a few days. Sebastian has never had a serious relationship, but Ciel interests him. Sebastian invites Ciel to join them on their mini tour. Ciel would have to leave behind the security of his home and his own personal bodyguard for the first time in years. It’s all sex (a lot of sex), drugs, and rock n roll. Sebastian and Ciel try to navigate a relationship they must hide. Both are on the edge of self-destruction. Angst, intense themes, trauma, drug use, self-harm, eating disorders, mostly hurt/barely comfort, betrayal, lots of smut, hopeful ending. (9 chapters)

Bloody Bastian – American Mary AU. Modern setting. Sebastian is a surgical student getting ready to start his residency. Med school isn’t cheap, financial aid didn’t even cover books and materials and his bills were piling up. It was difficult to locate a job that would work with his schedule. He finds an ad that a local strip club has posted. They state women or men can apply, it’s worth a shot. Sebastian enters the club. It looks clean enough, not just a hole in the wall that won’t pay minimum wage. The owner, Bard, takes an interest in Sebastian even though he seems overly qualified. Sebastian’s schooling comes in handy as he becomes involved with illegal surgeries that pay fast cash. He remembers his vow to, “do no harm,” but when do the lines blur? His world becomes tangled in revenge and body modifications. Bard pines over Sebastian and will do whatever it takes to make him happy. Detective Ciel Phantomhive is investigating the disappearance of Sebastian’s previous professor. How long before the pressure causes Sebastian to crack? Dark fic, graphic content, angst, murder, non-con, trauma, slight Sebard and Sebaciel. Vague/open ending. (7 chapters)

Razor’s Edge – Black Swan AU. Modern setting. Ciel has finally landed the role as the Swan Queen. Sebastian, an award-winning dancer from England is to be Prince Siegfried. What could possibly go wrong? Nothing bonds two people in a blooming romance like covering up a murder. Stress is high on the duo as it is. A shadow from the past seems to follow Ciel. Sebastian may have signed himself up to be Ciel’s unofficial bodyguard as threats rise. Dark fic, open ended ending. (7 chapters)

In the Woods Somewhere – College AU with Bird!Bastian. Modern setting. Ciel Phantomhive has been murdered…or at least he would have been if he didn’t make a deal with a strange man from the forest. The man who becomes known as Sebastian finds himself trapped on the surface level. The fine print of Ciel’s contract has bound him for the entire ten years. Ciel is a sickly human that could benefit from someone like Sebastian, if he’s willing to be his student. Ciel is missing half a year’s worth of his memory and can’t recall who tried to murder him or why. Sebastian follows Ciel around campus and attempts to help solve his murder. Between classes Sebastian teaches Ciel a little magic. They visit the woods often for Sebastian to stretch his wings and Ciel to take nature photos. Ciel would have never guessed he’d fall for this strange, bird demon or that it would be reciprocated. Mystery, humor, magic, hurt/comfort, whump (Chapters TBD)

Break Your Halo – Angel/demon AU. Modern setting. After a church collapses three survivors are sent to the hospital. Two civilians are unconscious and in critical condition while the priest is awake. He demands to know if the basement is still intact because “it” must not be let out. Both civilians begin to heal impossibly fast and without their memory. They go by Ciel and Sebastian. They are put in a semi-private room and become friends. They start noticing some odd things and confide in one another. The doctors would think they’re crazy, they already think there’s something wrong with them. They were both at death’s door and overnight they’ve healed as if they’ve been there for months. Maybe they aren’t human, they need answers. Whump, smut (5 chapters)

Nymph – Canon divergent AU.Ciel sleeps with everyone except Sebastian and Sebastian is not having it, that’s it, that’s the fic. Adult Ciel being hit with all the urges he missed in his teens. Every chapter starts out with a frustrated Sebastian complaining in his journal. Yes, a demon keeping a journal is cracky. Some humor, but mostly smut. Ciel/Finny, Ciel/Bard, Ciel/Mey-Rin, Ciel/Soma/Agni, Ciel/Snake, Ciel/Undertaker, Ciel/Charles Grey, Ciel/Nina (8 chapters)

Phantom – Phantom of the Opera AU. Set in 1880s France. Sebastian finally debuts as the star the “angel” trained him to be. He has devoted his life to music and the voice he’d talk to in the dead of night. Sebastian is pleasantly surprised to find out his childhood love, Bard, is one of the opera house’s biggest patrons. Their reunion doesn’t go unnoticed. Sebastian is visited by his angel of music, and he is much more flesh and blood and possessive than Sebastian imagined. Soma is not taking being knocked down a peg well. The audience comes to see him and his darling Agni, not Sebastian. Soma won’t play nice, but what does he do when he’s faced with the man behind the mirror? This opera ghost won’t go without a fight. Bard desperately wants to free Sebastian, yet Sebastian doesn’t want to be freed. Angst, smut, dark elements. Sebaciel and Sebard. Background Soma/Agni. (Chapters TBD)

Slice of the Scalpel – Nip/tuck AU. Modern setting. Brothers Sebastian and Claude run a plastic surgery practice. They have very different ideas of beauty, which helps build their clientele. Sebastian prefers to enhance natural beauty and balance what is already there. Claude prefers to alter and exaggerate things beyond clients’ wildest dreams. Receptionist and Sebastian’s boyfriend, Ciel, is eager to start his schooling to be an anesthetist. Angst, drama, smut, humor. (Chapters TBD)

I Like U for Your Brainz – izombie AU. Modern setting. A newly turned zombie, Sebastian, is a medical examiner working under Ciel’s leadership. Together they try to find a cure for zombies as well as solve murder cases with detective William T. Spears. Sebastian had to leave his old life behind him, give up his dream of being a surgeon, his fiancé Bard, even his sister he keeps at a distance. His extremely extroverted roommate, Soma, must work even harder to cheer him up. Sebastian would give anything to be human again or at least to have someone besides his boss to talk to about being a zombie. He couldn’t be the only one out there, right? Turns out there’s someone that’s making more zombies in the hopes of getting rich and another that is plain ignorant to the problem. Angst, humor, smut, gore, happy ending. Past Seb/Bard, Seb/Agni, Ciel/Soma, Seb/Ciel, Seb/Violet, Ciel/Violet, Agni/Soma, Bard/R!Ciel, Bard/Finny (Chapters TBD)

Star Boy – Actor AU. Modern setting. Actors Ciel and Sebastian are the celebrity couple everyone’s talking about. They are known for co-staring in action movies, their chemistry was unmatched even before they started dating. Their latest film calls for more stunts, more explosions and effects, it’s over the top. Like many actors, Ciel has a stunt double, Alois. Sebastian does as well, Claude. Alois loves performing stunts and he gets along well with Ciel. He gets his own limelight doing extreme sports off set. Claude isn’t as happy with the arrangement. Sebastian gets all the fans and praise, yet Claude is the one doing the hard work. Worst of all, Sebastian gets Ciel. Sebastian doesn’t deserve the life he has, Claude is sure of that. Angst, whump, crime, dark fic. (Chapters TBD)

Another Life – Modern setting reincarnation AU. Sebastian works at an antique shop, one day Ciel comes in to shop around, looking for something “old” to gift his cousin for her wedding day. Sebastian knows he’s never seen him in the shop before, yet he seems so familiar. Oddly enough Ciel is drawn back to visit Sebastian week after week, he is compelled to. There’s a tug on the red string of fate and neither can ignore it. (Chapters TBD)

A New Heart for Christmas – Modern setting. Ciel needs a heart transplant. It’s been years and he’s finally next on the list. He’s tired of keeping batteries charged for his artificial heart and worrying about people thinking he’s dead if he passes out and doesn’t have a pulse. The twins decide to do their annual birthday outing early this year, seeing as Ciel might be recovering still on their actual birthday. His new heart comes much sooner than he anticipated and with challenges he never imagined. Whump, sad, somewhat body horror?, angst. (3 chapters)

Nightshift – Modern setting. Five Nights at Freddy’s AU. Sebastian and Ciel have been hired as night security guards to a “new” pizza joint. Sebastian only moved to the town for college, but Ciel had lived there his whole life. He knew the establishment well. How dare they reopen after what they did to him and his family. Ciel searches for answers to what happened. He knows his brother had to be murdered, he wasn’t just abducted. Sebastian helps him investigate as the restaurant comes to life. With so much dark history it’s no wonder something lingers in the background. Time is running out as opening day nears. Horror, no smut, dark themes, happy ending. (6 chapters)

Free Love – Raver AU. Modern setting. Just a big party, not a lot of plot. A bunch of smut and ships. If house music was a fanfic, this is what you’d get. Seb/Ciel(/Bard), Ciel/Alois, Ciel/Soma, Ciel/Finny, Ciel/Violet, Ciel/Snake, Ciel/Sieglinde, Ciel/Agni, Seb/Agni, Seb/Violet, Violet/Alois, Finny/Snake, Lizzie/Sieglinde, Agni/Soma(/Snake), Violet/Snake/Sieglinde (Chapters TBD)

Phantom Occult – Supernatural AU/paranormal investigators, modern setting, on indefinite hiatus. The Phantomhives have been on the road most of their lives, taking out all the nasties that go bump in the night. Vincent and his twin sons have teamed up with a half demon named Sebastian and a witch, Sieglinde. Sebastian has very little memory of his past. He was found by Vincent and Cedric (Undertaker) on one of their hunts. In search of answers, Sebastian is trying to track down his demonic father. Sebastian has proven his loyalty to the Phantomhives time and time again. He will, as Vincent’s last request, ‘look after his boys.’ Following in their father and grandfather’s footsteps the twins take on cases involving the supernatural. Vincent Jr. has his work cut out for him with Ciel’s fragile health and Sebastian’s ever changing and out of control abilities. They may need to seek out a higher being to help them and save the world from damnation. (Chapters TBD)

Phoenix – A/b/o dynamics, FBI agent AU. Modern setting. Partners Ciel and Sebastian are given a case that has similarities to Ciel’s own capture from his childhood. It puts Ciel on edge, but he’s determined to solve it. Sebastian is not the playboy alpha everyone assumes he is, he’s in fact an omega. He’s been having horrible side effects from being on suppressants since his teens. He’s never even had a heat. For his own safety his doctor forces him off suppressants for at least a year. Ciel is hurt and confused to find out his partner for the last ten years lied to him about his dynamic. It’s not long before Sebastian is hit with his first heat. What is Ciel to do? Angst, smut (5 chapters)

Thought Contagion – Cyborg sci-fi AU. Future setting. Sebastian wakes up in the storage section of a lab. Half of his body has been transformed, he’s now a cyborg. He breaks through the facility and finds Ciel in the process of his brain being programed. Sebastian rescues him and they flee the factory. On the outside they discover the horrors of their government and what is being done to the citizens. They befriend rebels and try to take back control. (Chapters TBD)

T’hy’la – Star Trek AU. Future setting. Sci-fi. Captain Ciel Phantomhive and his half Vulcan second-in-command, Sebastian, explore space with their small crew. Slow burn sebaciel. (Chapters TBD)

Aquamarine – Merman Ciel AU. Modern setting. Sebastian whump, Ciel takes care of him. Crime, magic, and smut. (4 chapters)

Voltron:

Atlas Ocean Rescue – Merman Shiro AU. Modern setting. Keith works as a marine life vet at a rehabilitation clinic. He saves merman Shiro and develops a crush on him. Cute friendships, humor, healing, growth, a dash of smut and gore/whump. Slight angst with happy ending. (9 chapters)

Empire – Royalty AU. Set on Altea, not Earth. Shklance with trans Lance and cis Keith. Love triangles, magic, betrayals, war, planets coming together, and a healthy dose of smut. Ends with a wedding. (8 chapters)

Affinity – Modern setting. Shiro hasn’t adjusted well since his new diagnosis, so he joins a support group recommended by his doctor. Keith has been going to group reluctantly for years. His seizures are somewhat under control. He has the company of his service dog, Kosmo, but he’s otherwise alone. Both of their lives are turning out far different than they ever envisioned. Will they give love a chance? Slow burn. Cis Keith. (9 chapters)

The Eighth House – Modern setting. Werewolf Shiro and vampire Keith AU. Shiro is a newly turned werewolf and Keith volunteers to help him. Keith was turned into a vampire in the 80’s. Keith’s best friend, Lance, is also a vampire. They hang out at a supernatural bar that’s run by ex-hunters. Lots of blood and some smut. (8 chapters)

Zombie – Zombie apocalypse AU. Modern setting. After Shiro is labeled as a burden, him and Keith are kicked out from their community. Keith must take care of Shiro and find a new shelter or community for them to join. They find one run by a sadistic creep that was a cult leader pre-apocalypse. It’s not ideal, but where else can they turn? Keith plots to overthrow the tyrant as soon as he can, for everyone’s sake. Angst, whump, gore, smut, dark elements, happy ending. (5 chapters)

As Many Times as It Takes – Canon divergent AU. Keith goes feral and must be confined for everyone’s safety. The team works to find an antidote for Keith. Shiro tries to get his husband to remember their life together as well as remind him how to be human. Hurt/comfort. (3 chapters.)

Euphoria – A/b/o AU. Modern setting. Keith Is a hopeless afab alpha that seems to want the impossible. He’s not attracted to the stereotypical omega and his last relationship with another alpha left him with literal scars. He decides to try out a match service that’s prided itself on hard to match cases. Shiro is tired of being rejected and his body is telling him he desperately needs a mate. It doesn’t matter that he is no longer fertile, his omega body didn’t get the memo. With irregular and intense heats, infertility, being a large omega, and a list of ‘flaws’ a mile long Shiro has been the one unmatched client the service can’t seem to help. Owners Allura and Lance have become family to him and are personally invested in finding a mate for him. Keith and Shiro could be perfect for each other if only they allow themselves to be happy. (6 chapters.)

Club Atlas – Scent club a/b/o AU. Modern setting. A new alpha, Shiro, arrives at a scent club under recommendation by his therapist. Following a serious accident Shiro lost his sense of smell. When it eventually came back everything was overwhelming. He could barely handle his own scent and couldn’t leave his house. His anxiety and trauma have caused his life to spiral out of his control. A scent club is the perfect place to go to for exposure therapy. Omega scents are naturally calming to an alpha, booths are well sealed and private, and clubs take care to thoroughly remove scents of previous clients between rounds. Shiro meets Lance and Keith, two of the omegas that work at the club. They interview him and add him to their client list. Lance is always enthusiastic about his job, he loves it. Keith on the other hand isn’t too fond of the job or being an omega. But there’s something about this client that he likes. Maybe he can make a real difference in someone’s life. Angst, a lot of smut, brief klance. (5 chapters.)

Compliance – Kidnapped AU. Modern setting. Shiro is held captive by his long-lost twin brother Ryou. After going into the adoption system as infants, they were split up. Shiro wasn’t aware he had a twin until he was staring him in the face. Apparently, Ryou had been keeping tabs on him from afar for over a year. He happened to access Shiro’s patient file and felt he could do a better job taking care of Shiro than his current doctors were. Ryou only wants the best for his brother and that means he can’t leave his sight. Still, he does have to work, and being confined he knows Shiro is bound to get lonely. Ryou decides he should get a boyfriend for Shiro, and he found the perfect one. Keith has been recently released from the psych ward. He had no family or friends. He was fired from his job and probably couldn’t even pay for his hospital bill or antidepressants he clearly needed. They could keep each other company. Their living quarters would be cozy, the basement wasn’t tiny by any means…but two people trapped on the same floor, they’d have to share. Ryou wasn’t a monster, the basement was nicer than any apartment that either could afford. The chains were temporary, an exercise of trust if you will. They’ve had yet to earn his. Dark fic OBVIOUSLY (Chapters TBD)

Strength in Gentleness – Shiatsu massage therapist & Reiki master Shiro/autistic Keith. Modern setting. Keith often hangs out at his mom’s work. Recently her and Kolivan’s business has moved location and joined with Allura’s salon. They also hired a new bodyworker that Keith develops a crush on. Fluffy, slice of life, hurt/comfort, humor. Music heavy, I kid you not, every chapter will have a playlist. Lots of cute Krolia and Keith moments. Giving all “The Blades” a happy lifetime. Probably the fluffiest thing I’ll ever write. It won’t be 100% free of trauma, but Shiro has healed and Keith and Krolia have processed their grief. Anxiety and meltdowns can get a bit intense. (Chapters TBD)

The Ring – Boxer Shiro/body worker-therapist Keith. Modern setting. Cute and smutty. Slight whump cause boxing injuries. (Chapters TBD)

Galaxy University – College AU, teacher Shiro/student Keith. Modern setting. Angst. (Chapters TBD)

Vanitas no carte:

I Trust you to Kill Me – Canon divergent AU. Vanitas turns into a vampire. All he knows is his craving for blood has taken over his life. He’s not a curse bearer but he fears he might as well be. Worse yet, he can no longer assist Jeanne, he tries to obtain a solution that works for them both. Noé confesses his feelings and tries to keep Vanitas alive. Angst, whump, smut, romance. Vanoe, possible vanijeanne (Chapters TBD)

[p-artsypants]

Arcadia or Bust (Part 1)

FF.Net | AO3 

I just finished Trollhunters the other day and it was sooo good! This, this fanfic. I’m working on my other stories, as well as writing my new HTTYD fic. But I had some post finale ideas I wanted to experiment with, so I wrote this little, informal fic. Hope you all like!

Thanks @avannak! 

—

Jim, Claire, Arrrgh, Blinky, and Merlin stood in a circle, staring at the stone in front of them.

“So…” began Jim, “This is…it?”

Merlin frowned, “I was really expecting it to be much much bigger, but…this is the presence I’m feeling.”

The pulsing heartstone was about the size of Arrrgh, which was still big, but not quite as big as the old one they left behind in Arcadia. Not to mention, the cavern that the stone was recovered in wasn’t very spacious. In fact, half the party was still out in the sewers. They had to break through a wall to get into the cavern.

“What do we do now?” Asked Claire.

Blinky looked at the wizard. “Is there nothing else you sense?”

Merlin shook his head. “For once, I am at a loss.”

Jim knelt at the base of the crystal and started digging with his claws. “Maybe this is just the tip of it.”

It wasn’t.

In a matter of minutes, Jim and Arrrgh had completely unearthed the glowing crystal. “Well,” began Jim, “we have a portable Heartstone.”

“No, no,” objected Blinky. “This just won’t do! This is not nearly big enough to fit our needs!”

“If you don’t mind,” Claire spoke up. “What does the Heartstone do?”

“What does the Heartstone do!?” Blinky nearly shouted. “Why, it’s the very heart of Troll society! Trolls can survive without it, but we can only thrive with it! The stone has healing properties, which is why, Master Jim, your wound has not healed very much in the last month.”

Jim touched his side gingerly. “I assumed that was because I haven’t been resting.”

“That certainly didn’t help, but Trolls heal differently than humans. Though…I’m not sure how a half-troll heals either.” He studied the crystal before speaking again. “The Heartstone is a beacon for all of Troll-kind. They come from the swamps, lava, and deep caves, just to visit and bask in it’s presence. And we need a Heartstone that can support all of us. And this…boulder could barely support the…1/3 of the tribe that’s here.” He crossed a pair of arms and put the others on his hips.

“Wait,” said Jim, suddenly. “Can we…I don’t know, take this one back to Arcadia?”

“Why?” Asked Arrrgh.

“Well, in science class last year, we learned how to grow our own crystals using a saturated solution. Maybe we can use this as a seed, and grow a bigger one.”

Claire frowned. “I don’t think this one will work like that.”

“Maybe not,” added Merlin, “but you make a good point. If we take this little stone back and put it among the old Heartstone, it might just spread and replenish it’s power.”

“You think that’ll work?” Asked Blinky.

“Not really,” Merlin shrugged. “But it’s better than the alternative. Besides, that cavern has more space in the first place.”

“It can’t hurt to try!” Shouted Jim. Then he stooped to take hold of the bottom of the Crystal. Arrrgh had the other side, and lifted it as well.

Then, two more trolls got in and helped. The stone rose, with great effort, but it was going to be too heavy to carry it the 2,000 miles back.

“Hmm, I suppose a journey to the surface might be worthwhile. At least to find supplies to fashion a cart strong enough to carry this.”

Jim nudged his girlfriend. “How about it, Claire? You and me?”

“Hmm?” Claire blinked up at him, furrowing her brows. “What did you say?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just kind of tired.”

Jim smacked his hand to his head. “Oh no! I totally forgot! We’ve been walking for hours! When was the last time you slept?”

She smiled weakly. “Um…A while ago.”

Jim frowned and easily picked her up. “Let’s get some rest, and we can go up later, alright?”

“Hmm…” She hummed, snuggling up to his chest.  

“Ah, of course. Claire still requires 8 hours of sleep. I suppose this can wait.” Blinky shrugged.

Jim adjusted the sleeping girl in one arm so he could free his phone from his armor. A few taps and a call was sent.

“Hey mom,” he said.

“Jim! Hi honey! Oh, it’s good to hear you. But you’re kinda crackly, are you underground?”

“Yeah, so mom…we made it to New Jersey, and we’re all safe...but the Heartstone isn’t really...impressive. So, we’re bringing what we found home.”

“What?”

“It’s…it’s a little…it’s like the size of Arrrgh.”

“That’s not that bad! If you found a diamond that big, you’d be the richest man-er, troll in the world!”

“Well, it’s pretty small in troll standards.”

“Well, I’m not going to complain! And I know Toby and the Nunez’s aren’t either!”

Jim smiled half-heartedly. “It’ll be nice to be close to home. But…things still aren’t going to be sunshine and rainbows. No sunshine, in fact.”

He heard Barbara smile back. “Well, we can make changes. We have before.”

“I love you, mom.”

“I love you too, Jim.”

“Talk to you later.”

Blinky listened on with a tender smile. “Your mother might be one of most loving beings on this earth, including Trolls.”

“She’s pretty good.” Jim shrugged. Then he looked down to Claire, watching her wince and roll her shoulder. Trolls rarely slept, and only as a way to pass the time. Even then, they slept on hard slabs of rock. It was visibly wearing on her.

“Aw, Claire…she hasn’t had a proper nights sleep in a bed since…well, like a month ago.”

“If there was a way, I’d have her sleep in a hotel. Just for tonight at least.” Blinky frowned, also noticing that Claire wasn’t performing at 100%.

A scout had returned from his venture to peek at the surface. “I can’t tell where we are. It’s still daylight out. Nothing much we can do.”

“Alright,” Blinky clapped. “Then it looks like we’re making camp where we can. Don’t stray too far!”

Jim wandered the small cavern, Claire still cradled in his arm, until he found a small alcove. Big enough to fit both of them.

He sat down, and adjusted Claire so she could sleep at least somewhat comfortably.

“If only I could take off this stupid armor.”

That’s when he had an idea and gently laid her down on the rock.

“Jim…?” She muttered.

“I’m coming back. Just rest as much as you can.”

Claire yawned sleepily and settled back down on the floor.

Jim found Merlin propped up against the cavern wall, eyes closed, hands folded in his lap. “Merlin?”

“Don’t you know it’s rude to bother a wizard while he’s sleeping?”

“O-oh…sorry…”

“Well, come on, out with it!” He spoke without opening his eyes.

“Um, it’s just…how do I take the armor off?”

“Turn it off.”

Jim frowned, “The amulet won’t turn off.”

“Hmm…” Merlin frowned and nimbly hopped to his feet. “Well, you did emerge yourself in the water wearing it, which was ill-advised.”

“You didn’t say that!”

“I never told you to wear it.”  

Jim narrowed his eyes. Talking to this man was like talking to a brick wall.

Merlin peered at his face, and then at the amulet, then back again. “The Amulet is fused with your skin now. There’s no taking it off.”

Jim groaned. “Are you serious? Because I’m 80% sure I still have a bladder, and other such body parts.”

“I never said you can’t take off the armor.”

“But—“

“The amulet, that stays. It’s like…what was the story I saw on your talking crystal?”

“Uh, the movie on TV?”

“Yes, television. It was…Ironman. I believe.”

Jim nodded. “Oh. Gotcha. Umm…then how…”

“How you’ve always done it. Just relax and let yourself be free from danger.”

Jim closed his eyes and shook out his arms. “Just relax…relax…”

“Gunmar, Angkor Rot, and Morgana are all gone. There’s no threat anymore.”

That they knew of.

“Think about something that makes you feel calm. Your favorite song, or perhaps a favorite meal.”

Food used to be his passion, but now…now it just made him sad.

“Or maybe…” Merlin began, seeing Jim deflate. “The fair Claire?”

Claire did help. But she was so small now, it wasn’t hard to imagine accidentally crushing her. The very thought made him tense.

It was almost as if Merlin had read his mind. “You’ll hurt her if you stay tense like that. You can’t hurt her if your bones are jelly.”

Jim inhaled deeply, then let it go in a exhale, unclenching his fists and letting his head lull forward.

He heard metal clanking, and then a draft.

“There you go,” said Merlin. “Now if you’ll excuse me.” He cracked his neck and settled against the wall.

When Jim finally opened his eyes, he found his armor gone, the amulet on his chest glowing a soft blue. The remains of his clothes were in tatters. His pants had torn at this calves and thighs, now that they were meatier. Likewise, his favorite sweater was ruined, as the sleeves barely held on. He could feel a draft on his back and knew there was a rip back there as well.

He could forget his favorite converse as well, since his toes stick out the sides.

He sat down and undid the laces, freeing his cramped feet. Then he got a whiff of his shoes. A pungent smell; sweaty, moldy, gross, and...

He chomped into the sole without another thought.

He sighed as he swallowed. He was eating a shoe, his own gross, unwashed shoe. And he enjoyed it.

Once the shoes were gone, he wiggled his toes. He felt the ground beneath his feet, feeling each sharp pebble. But there was no pain.

His feet matched his hands. One wider with only four toes and black nails. The other the normal five, and clear nails.

Patting himself down, he would say conclusively, he felt much more comfortable. And the skin that had been hiding was softer as well. In general, his body had not been rock-hard like other Trolls, but it was not as soft as a human’s. Almost like clay. Yes, clay would be proper analogy, Jim realized. A mineral, like other trolls, but malleable, and ever changing.

“Ah…” Jim sighed. “Much better.”

Then his stomach gurgled, loudly.

“Oh man…I have to pee so bad.”  

After his deed was done, and all accoutrements were accounted for, Jim found a watering hole in the caves to wash up in.

“Master Jim!” Blinky nearly shouted, startling him.

“What? What’s wrong?!” Jim asked, ready to attack.

“Your armor...it’s gone!” The troll shook his head. “I suppose if you used to take it off, you could now. It’s just...startling. Aren’t those clothes...a bit small for you?”

“Yeah, but I don’t have anything else to wear.”

“Then just take them off. No one cares. Arrrgh doesn’t wear anything.”

Jim blanched at the idea. “Well...I still have human parts in tact. Like...human gronk-nuks.”

Blinky widened his eyes, followed by a soft ‘ah’ sound.

“I’m fine like this for now, but Claire could probably find something bigger on the surface.” Jim pulled on the navy fabric that was stretched to the limit. “And I really liked this sweater, too.”

Jim made his way back to the alcove he had left Claire in. He had found the sleeping bag Claire packed and brought it over for her.

Without the armor, his body felt heavier, and he felt his eyes drooping shut.

In the daytime, when Claire slept, he often laid beside her and let himself doze. But he hadn’t really considered that he also had to sleep. But right now, sleep sounded amazing.

Jim unzipped the bag, to make a large blanket, and then crawled to lay down on the floor.

“Jim...?” Claire blinked her eyes open and stretched, her neck cracking.

“Hey, come here.”

“Hmm?”

Jim scooped her up and rolled over on his back so she could lay on his chest. Then he draped the sleeping bag over her.

Jim felt her hand roaming over him.

“You got your armor off.” She noted. “You’re soft.”

“Really?”

She poked his stomach and his chest, then felt up his arm and intertwined her fingers with his human ones.

“In some places, you’re softer than others. Just soft enough.” With that, she nuzzled into his chest and relaxed to sleep.

Jim raised his trollish hand, examining it in the dim light of the crystal cave. He knew this hand well now, finally getting used to the thickness, color, and missing finger.

Then he glanced at his other hand. The one that had been concealed in armor up until that point.

Comparatively, his skin was peachy-gray. Not quite human yet, almost corpse-like.

It seemed like the armor protected the squishiest, human half of him.

And though he laid on hard rock, he didn’t feel uncomfortable. He’d have to see if his back was more trollish or human.

For now, he was just excited to know that now, their might be a possibility of a future with Claire.

And he was even happier to be her pillow.  

[thesaltydigest]

REVIEW: "The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue", or: Fetch me a couch, for I nearly swoon!

Title: The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue

Author: Mackenzi Lee

Review by: Captain Clo

Verdict: adventures of a bisexual scoundrel unable to keep his mouth shut and pathetically in love with his biracial male best friend. I had the time of my life, would totally recommend, go read it right now! 5 stars

Trigger warning for: homophobia, slight racism, parental abuse

Sometimes you just need an adventurous, fun and queer book in your life. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue definitely fits the bill. It can look daunting with its 500 pages, but they fly by like nobody's business. An apt summary of its plot would look more or less like this:

Dramatic escapes through Europe! Highwaymen! Pirates! Alchemy! The mysteries of Venice!

And last but not least, best friends hopelessly pining for each other.

I think the official summary of the book actually sells the book short – it's so much more than just "two friends of noble station – and a little sister – go on a Grand Tour through Europe". It's actually two friends and one sister go on a Grand Tour, the dummy of the trio enrages the Prime Minister of France, then proceeds to steal something of said Minister out of pettiness, dashes out of Versailles stark naked, and then discovers what he stole isn't just a trinket, but the key to an alchemical secret. Slightly spoilerish? I guess, but it's so much more interesting put that way.

When you read "Grand Tour" maybe you think of Mary Shelley, Percy (coincidence??) Bisshe Shelley and Lord Byron going on their disastrous romp through Europe... and  A Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue is definitely not that. Unless you think of Mary Shelley as a bitter teenager snarking in disgust at her stupid male companions, and of Lord Byron as a pathetic mess trying too hard to look like a hedonist Casanova, and... well actually that kind of works, but Percy Shelley definitely wasn't a biracial violinist... with a crush on Lord Byr--- I mean, Monty... I mean I'm no expert but reliable sources told me that he was an ass! And a jerk! Percy doesn't deserve that, he's an angel.

Enter the protagonist: Henry Montague, aka Monty. He's a hot mess. A rogue, a scoundrel, a ladykiller, an unrepentant bisexual, with the good looks and the charm to get anyone he wants in his bed. Alas, he's hopelessly in love with his best friend, Percy, who is exactly the kind of level-headed, serious person who's just perfect to rein Monty in. Monty is witty, superficial and a pleasure-seeker, refusing to take anything seriously, and especially anything his father wants him to do – like being a respectable lord, studying with profit at Eton, or running a family estate, for example. Monty loathes the very idea, so what better course of action than doing every single thing his father would disapprove of?

Enter Felicity, Monty's little sister. Wicked smart and with a cutting tongue to match, she's the opposite of Monty in every way. She looks forward to the museum trips, to the scientific lectures, to the operas and the landscapes. Too bad she's a woman, and so she's not invited. Felicity loathes it, and she also loathes how Monty is so obviously unwilling to take advantage of his privilege in every way it's denied her. Felicity wants to study and to become a doctor, and she would welcome the offer to learn how to run the estates. Instead, soon she'll be shipped off to a school of good manners for young ladies, where at most she'll learn to curtsy.

Enter Percy, Monty's best friend and crush. He's the biracial son of an English member of the gentry, grudgingly accepted into the family when his father dies. He has all the things Monty doesn't have – and that he's in love with: sensitivity, artistic sense (he's a violinist and, as Monty himself notes with delight, the kind of person who loves Italian opera and can recognize an aria by its first verse), and height.

What I found most interesting about Percy is that he is actually what moves the plot along. At first, the book looks like it'll be about a hedonistic journey through Europe; but a revelation about Percy spins it in an entirely different direction – one that also challenges Monty to overcome his selfish tendencies.

I am dying to tell you what Percy's deal is because damn, I was delighted and surprised, but I can't take that away from you. Just know that it was very satisfying to see how his main problem wasn't directly linked to his race, although he does get shit for it sometimes. His relationship with Monty is the sweetest thing, but it doesn't lack thorns (read: drama), mostly because Monty is pretty clueless and it often borders on insensitive. For example, Monty always defends Percy when someone is a racist ass to him (yay!) but he doesn't see why Percy doesn't just say something witty and rude to every lord who insults him (less yay) and thinks there's really no problem, Percy is just a little darker than most, so? Which, bless him, is a very simple thing to think, and definitely not the truth. But he's also so pathetically sorry when Percy snaps at him for it, I can't really hate him.

"I could say something to your uncle."

"No."

"Why not? If he won't listen to you-"

"I know you think you're being helpful when you say things like that, and when you defend me, and I appreciate it, I really do, but please, don't. I don't need you to stand up for me – I can do that."

"But you don't-"

"You're right, sometimes I don't, because I'm not the light-skinned son of an earl so I haven't the luxury of talking back to everyone who speaks ill of me. But I don't need you to rescue me."

"I'm sorry." It comes out soft and meek, like the bleat of a lamb.

I made a very undignified noise when I first read this. Actually I just did it again.

I found the book wonderful in how it blends serious moments, scenes that tugs at the reader's heartstrings, and witty banter. On the serious side, Monty is an alcoholic, suffers from panic attacks, and although he flaunts a charming and flippant persona, he's actually consumed by self-loathing and an atavistic fear of his father. At first, it can look like Monty self-sabotaged or defied his father by getting himself kicked out of Eton, but then we learn the truth: he was kicked out because of his relationship with another boy. His relationship with Felicity is a frustrating affair where both give the worst of themselves. Monty, as mentioned, is incapable of seeing how privileged he is and how much Felicity is put down in her ambitions just because she's a woman; but Felicity has absorbed a lot of how their father treats Monty, it's hard to see her treating him like he's worthless and stupid. Every time it seems like they might get along, one or both of them revert back to old patterns, and you're just there wishing you could smack their heads together and tell them, Now love each other properly!

Then there are the moments when Monty remembers he's in love with Percy, and has the gall to get all mushy and pathetically in love like this:

"[Percy] reaches out, almost as though he can't help himself, and puts his thumb to my jawline. The tips of his fingers brush the hollow of my throat, and I feel the touch so deep I half expect that when he moves, I'll be left with an imprint there, as though I am a thing fashioned from clay in a potter's hand."

And then there's the witty banter. Everywhere. Witty banter for days. Oscar Wilde would be proud, and I'm so so happy. There's witty banter to seduce:

"She smiles, then flicks open the ivory fan hanging from her wrist and begins to work it up and down. The breeze flutters the single ringlet trailing down the back of that neck of hers that swans would envy. I have been mentally patting myself on the head for keeping my eyes on her face the whole time we've been speaking, but then the bastards betray me suddenly and dive straight down the front of her dress.

I think for a moment she may not have noticed, but then her mouth twists up and I know she's seen. But instead of slapping me or calling me a boor and storming off, she says, "My lord, would you like to see..." Telling pause. Eyelash flutter. "More or Versailles?"

"You know, I believe that I would. Though I'm short a guide."

"Perhaps you'll allow me."

"But this party seemed to be just picking up speed. I'd hate to drag you away."

"Life is filled with sacrifices."

"Am I a sacrifice?"

"One I'm happy to make."

Witty banter when Monty shows how much of a dunce he is, and how much he cannot spy on people properly:

"Helena stopped awfully short when she realized I was listening."

"Well, you were being rude."

"I wasn't being rude!"

"You were eavesdropping."

"No eaves were dropped, I was just standing about. It's their fault they weren't speaking softer."

There's witty banter almost every time he utters a word with Percy. Or utters a word, period.

"How is it that we've landed the only bear-leader for hire who's entirely opposed to the true purpose of the Tour?"

"Which is... remind me."

"Strong spirits and loose women."

"Sounds instead like it's going to be weak wine with dinner and handling yourself in your bedroom after."

"No shame in that. If the Good Lord didn't want men to play with themselves, we'd have hooks for hands. [...] Hold on, are you keen on all this cultural thing?"

"I'm not... not keen." And then he gives me a smile that I think is supposed to be apologetic but instead looks very, very keen.

"No, no, no, you have to be on my side about this! Lockwood is tyranny and oppression and all that! Don't be seduced away by his promises of poetry and symphonies and – Dear Lord, am I to be subjected to music for the entirety of out Tour?"

"Absolutely you will. And the only thing you will hate more than listening to Lockwood's selected music will be listening to me talk about said music. Sometimes I'll walk to Lockwood about music and you will hate it. You're going to have to listen to me and Lockwood using words like atonal and chromatic scale and cadenza."

"Et tu?"

Honestly, what are you even waiting for. Go buy it right now!