#i like to read parts of his chapters even when im still like 300 pages away

[nimblelizard]

If a man doesn't save my life and when I ask him why he came back and he doesn't say "I dreamed of you" then idc and I dont want it

[neverlearnedtoread]

An Enchantment of Ravens

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐: sad love story? dude im about to jump on this sick faerie horse and slay an all-powerful fae king, i dont even remember what a tragic ending is

Oh?? 👌😉😏

cute fluffy love story - we need all the serotonin we can get in this society!!!

non-powered heroine who survives by being consistently level-headed and quick-thinking - isobel really said #galaxybrain rights

aloof but ultimately v loveable male love interest

nature spirit!fae and fun mashup of classic fae lore - you can tell the author really had fun doing her own take on fairytale tropes!

writing style - any style that remotely reminds me of dwj wins in my book

No.. ❌🤢🤮

a travelling story - which is apparently something people don’t like reading about? idk, if you’re not into smelling the roses, this isn’t your book

not enough fluff - even though this book is like eating cotton candy. but tbh there should’ve been more making out (just one more make out scene, margaret rogerson, please........do it for the serotonin)

Summary: A portrait artist who lives in a small town called Whimsy gets commissioned by a faerie prince of the autumn court to paint his likeness. As is inevitable in all stories involving customer service, he gets mad at her for some misunderstanding that wasn’t her fault in the first place, and takes her away to the fairylands to stand trial for her despicable art crimes.

Concept: 💭💭💭💭💭

The cover looked gorgeous, so I was gonna pick it up eventually, but then I heard it was supposed to be pure tooth-rotting fluff so I bumped it up on my ‘to-read’ list. You can never read too much fluff! Plus I’d read the excerpt while browsing books, and the writing style was so atmospheric and beautiful and melodic....not too flowery, until I didn’t know my ass from my elbow, but not blunt either. It’s not often I find a writing style that makes me sit up and take notice. And I’m always game for more takes on fae lore.

Some spoilers under the cut!

Execution: 💥💥💥💥💥

What a good take on fae lore it turned out to be! It felt like reading a cute fanfiction about characters I already knew. Usually romance books aren’t the best time for me, because I’m so picky about the characters and their chemistry together - but this managed to be just the right sort of whimsical and sweet and humanizing to make it work. I also loved how you had to put a lot of things together on your own - the first-person narrative was used to great effect, because what details the protagonist could pick up were left to her - and the reader - to figure out. I like books that don’t hold your hand about worldbuilding - it gives you room to make your own interpretations.

Personal Enjoyment: ❤❤❤❤❤

Ironically, when I love a book, I deliberately take longer to finish. I backtrack from where I stopped last, mutter lines to myself out loud to hear the tonal inflection, stop to walk around the house with a dumb smile on my face - this book only had 300+ pages, and should’ve been easy to finish in a few hours; I dragged it out over two days. I think I restarted a chapter like 5 times because I wanted to read the whole scene again. The story’s not grand, but what it had to say resonated with me. So much of media nowadays is obsessed with ‘bittersweet endings’, with consequences and sacrifice - sometimes it’s okay to have a story where good things happen to good people, because they refuse to settle for anything less.

Fave Moment: So many.....every time Rook was embarrassed, I bookmarked the page 😂😂 we love seeing a hot guy drink his humility juice. The top contender here is probably the scene when he first appears to Isobel after the painting was sent to Autumn Court, furious and scared and determined to make her stand trial for her Emotion Crimes (she made me feel a feeling! I don’t like it make it stop!! I am a prince!!!), up to the part they escape the Winter Hunt - everything Isobel did to escape was so quick and clever, my girl had all the braincells working overtime

Fave Character: Isobel is far-and-away the best character, but because we’re not being objective here, Rook takes the top spot. His utter lack of understanding for a lot some of Isobel’s actions, especially when she shows emotion, didn’t mean he couldn’t still be romantic as hell - like when he took her to the Green Well, she said ‘that’s not going to work for me, i could never give up painting’, and he went ‘oh, okay. i won’t bring it up again’. He clearly didn’t understand her reasoning!! but he honoured her wishes anyway. I also liked that Rook only had one previous brush with romance, and the girl rejected him. Generally male love interests are more #experienced, with girls all over them, but Rook? Rook fell in love once and got his ass cancelled all the way back to the autumn court. His vulnerabilities made sense to me, and that’s rare for a YA male love interest.

[casually-inlove]

aah i agree im vry disappointed in this chapter ! like its good like usual, but its kind of a let down after the last 5 chapters... ht rly exposed himself minutes before, and comedy aside, MGS answered him by ignoring him, and then saying "were not friends, were not as close as you think we are". it must have been hurtful for HT, its basically a rejection of recognizing HT vulnerabilities. and its totally In character for MGS to say this, so im not disappointed by it 1/?

i mean HT lay his heart down for Mo to see and theyve known each other for 15 DAYS, its too soon for anybody and especially for Mo who have mistrust problems to respond in the same way ? so running away and deflecting the declaration is cool, i wasnt excepting a "ill never abandon u!!" lol. but then HT being cool with this rejection and having a slapstick comedy just after doesnt feel right. mb show HT swallowing and being disheartened, and then put his usual facade and only then have comedy 2/?

would have been good, bc we would have known "oh ht is actually hurt by MGS reaction but doesnt know how to say it, so he plays it cool and change the subject bc hes still not at ease with being vulnerable". a realistic situation would have been "ht tried to be vulnerable but it was too soon, too much for mo who rejected him, so it confirmed ht biased thinking that showing vulnerabilities is bad and it will prevent ht to be vulnerable in front of someone in the near future". 3/?

i mean it could have been a nice although sad conclusion for this mini-arc, especially since ht have been grieving (?) his mother just this morning. a little step back, and then smth else happen and cause ht to crack completely but then mo is able to respond present and its a step forward. ok im daydreaming but that would have been climatic lol. instead this..ah i dont know i feel cheated, i know its ox' work but still haha ! like when they do an abrupt change of scene after an emotional page 4/

its a trick ox use often and after 300 chapters it feels old n cheap. when u engage in a emotional scene, u cant just do "oops i change my mind!!" and put slapstick comedy or ignore totally what just happened and dont have a progression. u have to stay on this road : u cant put traumatizing backgrounds and mafia affairs and mature problems (kidnapping, mother being threatening into prostitution,etc) n just.. not stick with it and making ur characters not traumatized by it and just 'lol comedy'.

sry im kind of monopolizing ur askbox lol, i guess im kind of frustrated ! it just the last chapters were so good and it was a while since ox use this cheap trick of not going through an emotional scene that i kind of forgot how terrible they were at handling transition between drama and comedy. theyre a good artist all in all (or i wouldnt be this disappointed!!), but they have this failing in their writing an it drives me nuts each time lmao. haa i hope next chapter will be better...5/5

Hell yeah, DEFINITELY, that sums up my thoughts. Also, you don't have to apologize, it was an interesting read and I can tell that you feel strongly about it. While I can’t say that I’m flat-out disappointed, as I wrote in my original post, I’m definitely feeling lukewarm and indifferent about the recent ch.

OX touched upon a few serious matters a couple of chapters before: namely She Li’s fucked up goading and the way it unsettled He Tian -- unsettled in no joking manner as follows from his reaction. Then we get He Tian swearing to beat up anyone who dares bully Mo, and the whole profound monologue from the previous chapter. Just as you say, He Tian truly laid himself bare there. One could argue that He Tian listed the reasons he was enamoured with Mo, or one could argue that he subtly commented on the milieu he grew up in, or one can even read it as He Tian admitting/reflecting on his flaws out loud. There are many ways to construe this scene, each of them is extremely meaningful. Not to mention it took HT visible effort to say these things out loud.

The problem which both you and I noticed is that OX left this mini-arc/mini-subplot unresolved. Instead, they abruptly switched to comedic relief. Much like you, I wasn’t expecting a big reaction from Mo -- no grand verbal declarations at very least. What I expected was a panel (maybe a close up of Mo’s face as I mentioned in my original post) that indicated he actually HEARD what HT told him, that it gave Mo some food for thought. 

As you mention, Mo getting disconcerted and doing the tsun-tsun escape is fairly in character for him. Still, a panel like this would have been very welcome to emphasize his confusion and to justify him not gracing the other boy with an answer, ignoring HT showing his underbelly (which is something that doesn't come easy for him, as we readers know). Okay, sure, OX handled it differently this chapter -- we get Mo silently running away and blurting out the first comeback he could think of. No problem. It works to show that HT’s words had an effect on him, albeit it’s much less pronounced, than, say, the Aquarium scene -- again one would have to wonder why: HT’s “don’t abandon me” is just as strong, if not stronger, than “I’m afraid you’ll forget me”, so it follows that Mo should have been just as affected.

The problem is the way an emotionally charged moment quickly fizzled out into comedy. As you said, Mo blurting out “we are not friends, we are not familiar enough, so I don’t care what you think (of me)!” SHOULD have hit HT harder. Just minutes before we had HT being genuinely disturbed by the idea of someone looking to intentionally hurt Mo, seeking physical comfort, being disquieted by the idea of getting abandoned and losing someone he likes, confessing that he admires the other boy -- yet when Mo utters yet another curt rejection of sorts, we are not shown HT’s reaction, which, logically, should have been there. 

And all of that emotional build-up is cheapened by an accidental dick slap comedy. 

Indeed, showing HT being hurt (disquieted? deflated?) and then putting on a cool guy mask, and ONLY then switching to a slapstick humour would have been more appropriate. It wouldn’t have taken a big or an overly dramatic scene either -- just, IDK, show HT’s eyes widening, or his throat clicking, or his posture slumping, anything to indicate that Mo’s words affected him -- that the whole thing mattered to him. Otherwise, it leaves a bad taste in one’s mouth: “so Imma confess to the person I like and swear to protect them and beg them to put up with me -- oh! forget anything serious that I said, Imma touch some dick now”. While I don't have an issue with comedy coming into focus again, I do wish it hadn't been this abrupt. Had there been a better transition between these scenes, there wouldn't be this "lol jk" vibe that I’m getting.

So yeah, I, too, feel a little cheated. OX certainly has an issue with drama-comedy transitions, which are sort of hit-and-miss for me. Sometimes they work well to alleviate the grave mood, other times they appear to be out of place. The recent chapter is the latter case. Dangling a possibility of climatic resolution for the subplot and then intentionally subverting it just doesn’t work in favour of the plot here. It cheapened the emotional part and made the comedy feel much less fun for me. Of course, no one says that writing is an easy task. Plenty of mangakas, for instance, work with writers to strengthen their script and plots, so it’s challenging when a single person is responsible for both drawing and planning the story. OX is undoubtedly doing a tremendous job. Still, I wish they wouldn’t stick to using the old trick this monastically because it's becoming a trite writing device and works against them on occasion. It’s totally fine to keep the comic light-hearted yet it’s not good to ignore the needed dramatic development.

[ironwoman18]

The Worst Third Date Ever part 10

Chapter 10: Say what you need to say

He nodded and after they said their goodbyes, he put their presents in the same bag they used for the presents for the family and left holding hands.

He drove her home and when they went up so he could put her presents in there, they started to kiss gently but then the kiss escalated to a heated one.

He placed his hands on her cheeks and her arms were around his neck.

She asked between kisses if he could stay the night. He accepted and after more kisses and touches they ended up in bed having their first time together.

And before they fell asleep they both whispered an 'I love you'.

The next morning Spencer woke up first and opened his eyes sleepy looking down to find Max's head on his chest, sleeping.

He smiled as memories of last night came to his mind. Everything was amazing; the night at her family and her suggestion to stay that night.

He was falling hard for her, and he could say, even without his profile training, she was feeling the same. He could see it in her eyes.

He checked his watch and saw it was still early so he will not wake her up yet. He held her closer to him as he checked a book that was on her nightstand. It was about Art History so he started to check it up.

He started to read it, it was interesting and not his usual type of readings but his books were at his apartment.

When he was half way through the book she started to wake up. He kisses her forehead "hey there, good morning"

She looked up at him "good morning" she rubbed her eyes "what are you reading? And what time is it?"

"An art history book you had on the nightstand and its half past eight" she opened her eyes in shock.

"Wait, you wanted to visit your mother early today. Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I didn't want to wake you up sweetheart. I wanted to let you sleep some more also it's still too early to go to the hospital, especially on Christmas day"

She nodded and saw the books page "did you read 300 pages already?"

"Yes"

"When did you started?"

"At eight o'clock" he said like it was the most normal thing to do.

"Did you just read 300 pages in thirty minutes?"

"Yes, I can read twenty thousand words per minutes"

"Oh my..." her jaw dropped at that "I will go take a shower so we can go to your apartment and change your clothes"

"Ok I will get dressed" she nodded and kissed his cheek then stood up and walked to her closet to pick up some clothes and went to the bathroom.

Then Spencer stood up and got dressed up. He did not put on his tie or jacket. He was at the kitchen drinking water and checking his phone when it rang.

He answered it "Buon Natale Spencer" those were David Rossi's first words.

"Buon Natale Dave" he smiled at that "how was your Christmas eve?"

"It was great, Krystall and I enjoyed a nice evening with her daughter and her fiance"

"Did you profiled him?" He asked.

"No, I already did when they were starting to date and he was a nice boy so..." both laughed at that "and how was your night?"

"Amazing, Max and I spent it at her family's. We played board games, poker and dance. It was a pretty normal Christmas"

"Great to know that kid. You needed some normal things in your life. You had been through a lot these years so you deserved that" Spencer smiled.

"Thank you Dave, I'm happy with her and she helps me to get that thing Gideon fought so much to have... that calm place where the memories of our cases disappeared and I can only see her"

"Your cabin in the woods but you know what's the good thing of yours?... it can't be corrupted like his. And you just need a call to go there. That's how Krystall made me feel"

"I wish he could be here though"

"Me too but he will live in our memories and he is happier where he is. Now let's change to a happier conversation"

"Sure what is that?"

"I would like to invite you and Max to come over for dinner, I also invited Matt with his family"

"I would love to but for fully confirmation let me ask her. I don't know if they have another tradition for Christmas day"

"Ok let me know, have a nice day kid"

"I will Dave, see you" they both hung up and he finished the water he was drinking.

Then he sat on a couch and texted JJ while Max finished to get ready.

After some more minutes Max walked out of her bathroom, dressed and with her makeup on.

"Hey, ready to leave?" She asked as she looked at him.

"Yeah I am" he smiled and stood up then walked towards her.

"What did you do while I was taking my shower?"

"I was talking to Dave on the phone and then text JJ to know how was their night" he reached and hugged her "he wanted to invite us for dinner" he looked down at her "do you want to go?"

"I would love to" she smiled up at him "I think it's fair enough to have a night out with your friends"

"There will be just Matt and his family. The other left to see their families"

"Aww ok. I wanted to see them all again. That girl, Garcia, is pretty awesome"

"Yes she is, we had been in the BAU the same time. JJ joined the same year as the press liaison but then she left and returned a few years later as a profiler"

"Wow that's great" she smiled then checked her watch as she had her head on his chest "hey we should go. We still need breakfast and you need to get ready"

"Right... let's go" she pulled slightly away but still closer to him. They both walked to the door, he held the bag with his presents and she held her purse then both walked out of the apartment, then walked to his car and after they both got in he drove to his apartment.

"Maybe while you get ready I can go buy us the breakfast. I'm sure I saw an open coffee shop"

"Sounds great. Theres still the key under the mat so you can use it" he said as they arrived there.

"Ok see you soon" she kissed him and walked out of the car, he smiled and goes up to his apartment, then he got in the shower.

His shower was quicker than hers and by the time he was ready, she arrived.

"I had to walk two blocks to get an open coffee shop, but I made it. I brought coffee and two sandwiches"

"Awesome they look great" they sat at the table and started to eat.

"Spence, how can you still live here after what happened here with Cat?"

"It's ok, I don't mind. I mean it was something bad but I spent most of my day in the office or in a case so this place it's almost for sleeping only"

"If you said so... if something happened in my apartment I would move out"

"It's a normal feeling. Most people prefer to run away from places that reminded them traumatic experiences. So I understand you"

She nodded and ate they remained silent until they finished their food and coffee. Then they walked out of the apartment and headed to the car.

"I'm nervous"

"Why Max?" He asked.

"Cause I want your mom to like me"

"I'm sure she will. She is the kindest woman and she will see how important you are for me" they reached his car and opened the door for her "how much... I love you" he said the last part a little lower but she listened to him "and again I know we said slow but..."

"Spencer, I think that rule was broken since we became an official couple two weeks ago. I have been doing one thing after the other and I'm letting them happen, and also encourage some them because I know that you aren't like Mike. You are decent in some ways that I couldn't dream to be" she rubbed his cheek "I love you too Spencer, so much it should be illegal at this point of our relationship" he laughed and kissed her.

Then she got into the car and he got in too in the driver's seat. He drove as he explained some stuffs about his mother.

When they arrived, both got out of the car and he held her hand and with the other had his mom's gift.

They walked in the hospital and the nurse there greeting him "Dr. Reid, Merry Christmas. How are you?" Then looked at Max "and who is this pretty girl?" Asked the women, she knew the answer but want it from him.

"Merry Christmas Johanna, im great and you? This is Max, my beautiful girlfriend" she blushed a little and Johanna smirked.

"That's so sweet. Your mom is in her room. Wait here so I can check if you can come in now" he nodded and looked as she walked to his mom's room.

"Hope she still have her mind clear. It was a huge surprise, when JJ got shot, remember my dream?" She nodded "well after she woke up the hospital called me to come over and they said they found this treatment that worked for her so she and I had a logical conversation, like when I was younger and she advised me, we play chest"

"And how much will it work?"

"They had no idea" he sighed "that's why I'm trying to find every moment to come over and check her" she squeezed his hand gentle.

"And I'm sure she appreciated every moment with her son" she kissed his hand "so don't worry Spence"

He smiled and hugged her. Johanna walked towards them some minutes later "ok you can walk in" they nodded and walked there.

When they arrived his mother was sitting on her bed and smiled when she saw her son she jumped out of the bed and hugged him "Spencer!"

He hugged her back and rubbed her back "hey mom, Merry Christmas" he kissed her cheek.

"Merry Christmas sweetheart" she then noticed Max "and I guess you are Max, right?"

"Yes, I'm Max Brenner, it's nice to meet you Mrs. Reid" she held up her hand so Diane shaked it.

Diane hugged her "Please call me Diane, and I'm happy to meet you and that you are making my son happy" both smiled "come in and sit here" they both took a sit on the sofa next to the bed and Diane sat on the bed "so how was your Christmas eve?"

"Wonderful. We were at Max's dad's home"

"Great, I'm glad you both spent it together" she smiled and looked at them "and I can tell you two are happy together. His eyes were always full of sorrow and sadness and now I can see happiness"

He blushed slightly and held her hand "yeah she is making me happy and her eyes make me forget about the things I saw"

She blushed this time and squeezed his hand gently.

"You deserve it Spencer" said Diane looking at them "can we talk in private Spencer?"

He looked at Max "sure I will go call my sister Michelle" she kissed his cheek and stood up.

Then walked out the room. Spencer looked at his mother "what did you want to talk about mom?"

"I had this feeling from the moment you both walked in. You know what I always told you..."

"A mother knows" they both said smiling.

"That's right. And this feeling is that you both will get married"

"And what made you have this feeling?"

"Your eyes, your body language"

"Now who is the profiler?" He asked with a smirk.

"I don't need that to know my son. I never saw you this happy in a long, long time. I think the only day I saw you like this was when you made your first magic trick" he laughed "what I'm trying to say is that she is the one so don't mess that up" she smiled and turned to her nightstand and got out a little box and handed it to him.

When he opened he could see a beautiful ring with a little diamond on it.

"It was my engagement ring. Your father gave it to me when we were getting out of the fifteenth century literature lecture. He didn't like it but he was there for me. He asked me in front of the auditorium. Of course I said yes and it was the best day until I had you"

He smiled and had some tears in his eyes "promise me you will wait till the right moment to pop the question. I'm sure you are wise enough to know it"

"We just said we love each other and now you show me this... I'm sure she is the one too but I'm afraid it may happen like what happened to Hotch or Gideon"

"Or could happen like JJ and Will. They are still together and she even had to leave the country" he nodded and looked down "and don't said it's because he is a cop" he sighed looking down "you aren't like them and they aren't like you" she held his hand.

"Thank you mom" he wiped the tears "oh I bought you a present" he handed it to her and hugged her, she opened the bag and smiled at his present.

"Thank you Spencer, it's beautiful" she kissed his cheek and then Max walked in.

"Hey Spence. Want to go to my sister's house? They are making a barbecue"

"Sounds great" he turned to his mother "I will be coming next week"

"Ok son, see you" she kissed his cheek and help him closer to her "I love you"

"I love you too" and then he walked to Max and they both left the hospital to Max's sister's house.

OOooOOooOO

That was all for now. Hope you liked it. In this chapter Spencer spoke about his worries about making a family or even have a relationship with his job and his demons.

[trenchcoatkitten]

So I’ve been reading Temperature of the Heart, and you’ve mentioned how you have the whole thing written already. Can you describe what that’s like? What’s your writing process? How long does it take for you to write everything start to finish? Do you plan it all out or just kind of wing it? How long do you sit in an idea before you start?? Sorry about all the questions, I’m just so curious >_

bro!!! are you sure i will scream about writing for days omg

first of all THANK YOU its so freaking cool that you came to ask your questions and that you like my writing, im still sort of getting used to my writing not just being garbage that i read in the dark at 2am and never share with anybody, and i am always excited to answer questions waaaah 

(THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG I APOLOGIZE IM PUTTING A READING BREAK IN CAUSE I WENT OFF BRO, IM THE WOOOOORST) 

my process is pretty weird, it’s kind of all over the place? I’m kind of a halfway planner halfway pantser. I have an idea and usually make some disjointed notes about character and the main idea, in my phone or maybe on a google doc, and then a pinterest board maybe? Something to get excited about, a visualization. I ALWAYS tell myself im going to make an outline first and then i ALWAYS just jump right into writing because I’m too excited/impatient to wait. give me words on a page. give me dialogue. 

Usually when I’m a little bit into the project, when i know that I’m not going to abandon it to the depths off where my WIPs go to die (rip like literally over 300 individual and unique works, this is NOT an exaggeration, you should see my document bank its gross) Ill say “ok fuck you sami its time to actually know where you’re going” and I’ll sit down and make the grossest outline you have EVER seen. like im talking, my outlines are littered with memes, me yelling at myself, actual stuff thats going to end up in the final project, and just general random garbage? its so gross. Ive literally only showed one of my outlines to one person ever (hi akira!) bc im super self conscious of them and hate the way that i write them. making an outline usually sucks up an entire day of writing. they’re pages and pages because some parts will be INCREDIBLY specific and other parts will be so vague you dont even know

From there, when im done with my garbage outline, (after going back through what I’ve written and fixing the shit that was just me going off like a psycho) I usually start writing in earnest. I’ll highlight the parts of the outline that I’ve done and I’ll go back and check it often to make sure im following through on my plans and the character arcs and such, making sure that everything ties in and such. This section is me like. every day getting home from work or whatever and sitting down at the computer and not moving until 2am, this is the section where i forget to eat and I dont sleep enough and i forget to drink water or take my vitamins and I do word sprints with myself and have days where I write 10 thousand words in one sitting. (very not healthy and also terrible i do NOT recommend) this is the section where I’ll handwrite anything i can in the back of classes and at rehearsals because im pouring out words.

during this section I go back and edit ENDLESSLY. i cannot write something and just let it be. I go back to the section I wrote the night before, I go back to the section I just wrote, i go back to the very beginning. I generally dont have to do 1st 2nd 3rd draft this way, but it is much more time consuming as Im just writing. i dont know if i reccommend this its a MESS

THeN once i finish writing the whole thing, i sit down and reread/edit the whole thing once through. this makes sure i have good flow, the paragraphs go together well, the prose feels right to me, timelines make sense. during this time i make ENDLESS paper notes with calendars, section notes, additions, drabbles, thoughts about my own shit. i have notebooks full of just garbage. im not kidding. full notebooks. 

Once I finish that read/edit through I’m usually happy. only once something is completely finished will I consider posting. I go back too much, I add shit, I can’t let go of shit, not until it’s done. While I’m posting - I go through the chapter I’m going to post with a fine tooth comb, try to catch any tiny little mistake, add words here and there, but never change anything large if I can help it. Then i format it on Ao3 (this is literal hell, fuck the HTML editor it wants me to die) and then post it. Deciding to post a chapter to actually hitting ‘post’ usually takes me 1-4 hours, depending on the length, the difficulty of formatting, and how many goddamn links i wanna put in the chapter notes cause im the worst~ (insert jean ralphio voice) 

~~~

LISTEN im probably super extra but I’ve been writing since I was in sixth grade (thats twelve years! time is an enigma and i hate it!) and so I have a bit of practice, i have a bit of experience and while I’m not the best me that I can be, I KNOW myself, and this is just what works best for me. 

As for timing - it depends on the length of the project and how motivated I am. It took me about a month to write Royal (~50k), just a little over a month to write All Might’s All Night Shop Stop (~75k), and just about two months to write Temperature of the Heart (~115k). I try to post every few days, because as a person I hate waiting and I don’t want to do that to my readers! 

~~~

As for the ‘how long do i sit on an idea before writing it’ it really depends. Some things I will receive inspiration or a sliver of an idea and start writing it in the next ten minutes, even if I have to stop working on something I’m already working on, because that was Brain Has Decided. Sometimes I will consider an idea for like. months before actually doing it. I’ve had the idea for FBoW (the newest thing im working on oops? have i told anybody about this NO cause that will make it REAL) since before I started Royal, which was like. Last november. But I just couldnt quite do it for some reason, and it wasn’t pressing. My brain is super broken, and a lot of times I get sick over ideas. I can’t sleep or eat until I’ve written, and I will repeat phrases to myself until i can get them out of my head by writing them down. (Sometimes this is something nice or poetic - “The golden hour lights up the whole world, wiggling its fingers into every nook and cranny, lighting up two people lounging on a bench-swing, someone leaned onto porch stairs with a mug of tea, the space between those walking down a dirt road, a couple of dogs laid out on the deck.” and other times its literally “Ranch Fiddlesticks.” I’m not kidding. i have a note in my phone that says ranch fiddlesticks because I was actually going to Die if i didnt write it down.)

I do wish my brain didn’t do this - but I guess it makes some fun art, doesn’t it? 

WOW OKAY THIS WAS SO LONG im so sorry jesus christ. SOrry i will ALWAYS go off about my process and what it’s like to write. Writing is so so important to me, I LOVE it with every tiny atom of my weak, alcohol-infused, overworked heart. Despite how scary it is sometimes I am very glad to be sharing my work with the world, seeing peoples’ reactions and hearing things about my words, hearing how this little picture in my mind has gone into yours. 

okay jfc im done now im so sorry. thank you again and again and again, a thousand times over, for reading my work and enjoying the worlds that i enjoy building. It makes me feel like I’m worth it. It makes me feel like I’m doing something good. 

ily :’)

[rennyji]

July 20th tweets...

July 20th tweets...

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“Aaryan” is another one of those Mohanlal movies from the place of my background. I saw this late in life, and during the phenomena, several times, I would mention to my mother, and especially father, about the parallels. In the movie, Mohanlal’s character is a devout Hindu Brahmin from a respected family. He’s happy with his life and has a girlfriend, in a woman he’s known since childhood. Men not respecting societal roles and in greed for money and power, wrongfully set up the family in a crime of their planning. Mohanlals character loses his family to death and humiliation, as well as his home, and his girl friend also, in the actress, Shobhana. He flees to Mumbai, where he follows a very earthly path centered on money and attaining that money through jobs, where his philosophy is “Ill do anything for money.” He sinks himself in alcohol and the company of gangsters and joins them. Once obtaining enough money, he avenges the wrong doers against his family and seeks to restore his family’s lifestyle and “way of living.”

I guess I remember that movie because he was minding his own business, when people rooted in jealousy and greed, wanted to steal that from him. And me, after more than a decade of “lightly and carefully portrayed to the public” abuse, I can’t help but think, wasn’t I minding my own business?

For my sectionalistic brethrens who identify through the body parts, rather than the overall body that is the country, as you forgot about order, structure, unity, brought about through ancient Hinduism, for a visual example: think the movie, “Koyla.” Shah Rukh Khans character get turned into a mute and a servant by the people who killed his parents, from greed, for stumbling on their fortune of diamonds in this life. To save Madhuri Dhixits character, and to restore his dignity, he takes revenge on those who took decades of his life. I guess what I’m getting at is, from Koyla, you can see just how evil some men truly are. Even in real life, some people will take decades from your life. Before killing you, they’ll turn you into the court jester for their people and they may even shock your brains 20 times to make you more numb and compatible for mind control/mind reading.

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In Mark 4:33-34

33 “With many such parables he spoke ithe word to them, as they were able to hear it. 34 He did not speak to them without a parable, but privately to his own disciples he explained everything.So Christ talked to everyone in parables, and said, let those with ears hear. However he discussed the parables with his disciples, in private, elaborating on their meaning.Here I am, in the present day, a nobody, trying to elaborate on meanings and about living a life with meaning. But my own mother, instead of listening intently, will talk about toilets or do something involving uncleanliness, when I talk to her about things of God. My father prays and prays (though mechanically, without heart, without understanding meaning), and yet he fails to see and respect my seriousness in willful words and actions, based on faith. He’s so busy talking about defending what he as a father does, he fails to see that I’m enduring this, simply because of the hand of God carrying me, when the infidel tries to figuratively break my legs.I can see why Christ elaborated on heavenly things with just his disciples. Other people wouldn’t give it the respect it deserves (through talking about random things like toilets or whatever) or would let it fly over their heads as something nice sounding and tantalizing.

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Orchestrator government group 1 tries to piss me off to say things or write things about them, so that the child like voices rooted in perhaps the party school I attended (for completion of my undergraduate) makes it about them or me randomly addressing people who aren’t direct with me.

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I dunno I think I’m being led to think that I’m not seeing “this situation” in the way it’s projected to others…ok guys, lemme walk with you on this, let’s take a deep breath and digest the fact that this has been going on for more than a decade- I mean that alone, if nothing else, is horrendous…so am I disillusioned?

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So I keep telling you guys to refrain from taking part in this, and to only help me by talking directly to me- especially about the situation. I tell you take a load off and just be natural in your interactions without hiding that this happened/is happening.

Yet, for one thing, some of you may try to assist me on the road under one or more things that you have been led to see me through- that goes back to my talk about mental filters…

If something tells you guys that I’m about to change a lane unnaturally, it results in the following:

The guy in front of me will abruptly slow down, while I’m checking my mirrors to the other lane, leaving me to still drive forward, while the guy in front of me is instructed to slow down. Kinda malicious of the orchestrators, don’t you think? Two cars risk colliding…

But then sometimes, I notice cars in the other lanes, accelerate, as I’m about to change lanes, while others leave significant space.

Please just follow the rules of the road and stop relying on external knowledge when making your decisions on the road.

Some of you may be instructed to smile a particular way (smiling is great if it’s not rooted in an instruction), frown a particular way, nod to me from the corner of my eye…see, think about it from my perspective. I have mind cr*p- to be very very very general- to deal with all day. When you have too many programs open on your computer, doesn’t it freeze or become unresponsive? Whether by design or carelessness, despite my effort to get you to be direct with me, these indirect things to make me think one thing or the other, are meant to overload my brain-the orchestrators just give me stuff to pick up on, where I have no idea what’s it’s about. I may have written something before that frown or whatever. Is that supposed to make me think ur unhappy with me for you allegedly eavesdropping into my life and making things about you, the stranger,  when you don’t even follow me on Twitter or Facebook?

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I heard the following: DMX- Party Up- from the lyrics,

So whatever it is you puffin' on that got you think that you Superman (doing this for a decade)

I got the Kryptonite, should I smack him with my dick and the mic?

Y'all niggas is characters, not even good actors (ur a bunch of cocky arrogant losers)

What's gon' be the outcome? Hmm, let's add up all the factors

I keep saying there’s two sides to every coin. But you like to tip that scale. Always remember how much of an a*shole he is, more than any crazy, for starters, to put such statements/sentences out in public- that too when the world is monitoring every aspect of me…I mean I could be giving the police or some legal case against me, a ball for their courts through my recorded words and written statements- so in response, I’m in a rap mood:

Eminem says

Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit

I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe

I'm tired of all you, I don't mean to be mean

But that's all I can be, it's just me

I realize these guys(artists)all deal with stupid people like the orchestrators while the larger audience of the world “say oh that’s mean” without context (what was preceding, what was said and done, and what occurred after)

At the end of this, either the orchestrators or me, will be progressing forward in in peace and happiness. Im making that clear, I’m throwing in all my cards, because no matter how numb you make me, my hate accumulating over a decade will find its nourishment. So Have fun, f*ers…

and to the larger audience, lemme guess “oh no he’s mad…what happened…awww” yeah ummm thanks for never talking to me, but thanks for the sentiment too.

Contrary to how I’ve been living for more than a decade, word of advice to the world: “Show the other cheek, talk out your problems, write 300 pages with variations of the idea of returning to normalcy in one chapter in life in an official police complaint, endure a decade, and hope for a solution- this can only be done for so long, and a decade? F* that sh*t. Orchestrators? F* ur wives, husbands , and Kids..

hey guys, when someone is giving YOU a hard time, please be like me and Let them shock your brain 20 times too, for talking about the hard time, so that you can show that you have no decency and are willing to bend over for them, for the sake of “compliancy.”  Next time the F* fake protectors of the law, who don’t protect the rights of an American citizen(wtf does ur Stars and Stripes flag stand for? The red and white ropes they bind you down with in life? Are the 50?!stars on ur flag about ninja stars you throw at ur country’s victims? Maybe the 50 is about, how they’ll screw you 50 times over for minding ur own business i.e always remember: nice guys finish last…maybe the red is about how the country likes to make you bleed/watch you bleed/and entertain others on how you bleed while you try to stand strong)…but where was I? Next time the F* fake protectors of the law, who don’t protect the rights of an American citizen want come in 4 SUVs and make you walk barefoot, for talking about “the situation” ur not supposed to know about daily, be mindful, you will be on the list, when I gain back my authority. Bear in mind the respect enforced, actually needs to be earned through effort and not by a rough voice or tough exterior.

Peepz , when law enforcement engages in a circus, makes remorseful random faces fo you while, get this: simultaneously, engaging in madness, when the FBI engages in silence to make you America’s prostitute of a servant of a hero/icon,

please,

never follow my example.

If any of you get out into a fraction of my problem, don’t waste your health, ur dignity. At times, fists and kicks are the only answer. I went about my life reporting things to authorities, dreaming about best friending a girl in college and marrying her…the works…-if respect can’t be earned or given because some infidel playing or being a false god commands it, “seize respect. “

You can’t waste time on some superficial high ideal high minded losers.

So I keep talking about mental exhaustion…you still actually do the same things, over and over…- so I’m supposed to fall. What’s the matter orchestrators? Could t f*me in the a*s while standing strong? You need me to collapse or be on a stretcher? Would a tempur pedic be ok when you stop most likely molesting ur kids? F*ers…

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So I was listening to “Sam’s Gone” from “I Am Legend,”

And I remembered the powerful end scene from I Am Legend…listen and watch 37 seconds into this clip till the end:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7LsxKkh0zg

Starting from 37 seconds, Will Smiths character says “They’re not gonna stop…they’re not gonna stop…” those coincidentally white horrific mutations of humans, in their mindlessness, their aggression, their lack of heart and compassion, remind me of the police officers who made me walk barefoot, it reminds of some party school professors, it reminds of the orchestrators rooted in the mind cr*p - after a decade, I’ve come to acceptance that “they’re not gonna stop.”

For 10+ years of slavery, further indignified by turning me into a joke,

That moment where Will Smiths character and the mutated man (symbolizing an American orchestrator) race to battle towards each other - man…after a decade plus of provoking me, literally 24/7…when we’re finally face to face, I want to see what he/she has the balls to do. De palabra de espanol: “Ver”, ”, mi gentes, “Ustedes Ven la  cara de el Diablo blanco.”

Regarding that moment, when the orchestrators and me race toward each other, win/lose, it’ll be like this from 300:

ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOLpIkoS0QY

You, orchestrators may have the big guns, may have humanity following ur instructions, but like many before me, it’ll be like these two segments from the below 300 movie clip: 1:02- 1:50, 2:12-2:57

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qubItQjdSHA

In a deep state of mind to what transpired years ago, I said that I will get justice. Am I’m saying it again. You, the American orchestrators, turn mankind into one team in conviction and practice against me, you’ll torment me for a decade plus…maybe even destroy me after humiliating me-as is American military style.

Just know this: I, an Indian man, fated to suffer this “situation” in your country, will come back lifetime after lifetime, to finish what you started with me in this epoch of time, where you seek to conquer the Kingdom of God, that resides in every conscious mind wanting peace.

Orchestrators,ur quite welcome to see me as that cockroach who just won’t die or stay dead.

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