#i liked him better in acotar when he was just kind of a bitch to be a bitch

[ae-neon]

Disclaimer: this is embarrassing but I once shipped Nesta and Rhysand. HEAR ME OUT

I'm not a Feysand and Nessian fan and in particular I think they work better as separate characters. BUT THIS ISN'T BECAUSE I USED TO SHIP NxR, I read with an open mind and take things as they are so this wasn't any kind of weird ship jealousy

Rhysand was never a good guy but before the nauseating retcon/whitewash of ACOMAF, I thought he was interesting.

Obviously by the end of ACOTAR, sjm had already set the seeds for the ship switch from FeyLin to FeySand. But I was a newbie to sjm and had no idea the fuckery she was gonna use to do this.

Still, between MAF and TAR I was left to think of how things might go and I heard enough of other people's opinions and reactions to know that Rhys was gonna become a sort of dark "hero"

Now I'm not against enemies to lovers, but only in the instance that the enemies isn't a super personal element : to clarify I mean if the characters personally enact violence on one another - it's a no from me.

Also I don't really like super edgy characters so Feyre being a brutal survivalist and Nesta being a bitch was just enough for both of them to fit the sort of girlboss trend but not overdo it into Strong Female Character territory.

Now by the end of TAR, Nesta was already the character I was most looking forward to even if I didn't actively think of her as my favourite. I thought her ability to negate(?) the glamour of a HL was gonna mean something, I thought Nesta going out to the wall to get her sister back was gonna mean something, I thought Feyre and Nesta rekindling and making up was gonna mean something, I thought their nameless parents and the three sisters reflecting aspects of pagan goddesses was gonna mean something. It didn't.

I was half reading MAF, stopping every three chapters cause my eyes hurt from how often they rolled at the over-the-topness of it all. Characters who'd been almost 3D suddenly had 2 traits we were beaten over the head with, retcons left n right and the side characters were eating the main characters up. Here's where my brain started wandering off the well laid sjm path.

So I embraced delusion. What if FeyLin didn't ignore each other's trauma? What if they had a rough patch but ultimately worked things out?

And then I started spiraling.

I kept seeing "like calls to like" stuff (no idea it was stolen?) And knew Rhysand was the most powerful HL then learned Nesta STOLE FROM THE CAULDRON.

The sister with the keen intellect and not so subtle royal descriptors and the sneakiest, most scheming HL in the book??

Nesta's unforgiving nature and unwillingness to be lenient to the Fae Vs the man who secretly hated what he'd done to protect his people??

Like forget who they are now and tell me you can't seeeee it

Nesta's want to return to an upper class life and Rhysand's (initial) aristocratic air?

She'd never let him dress or treat her the way he dressed and treated Feyre so we wouldn't have that God awful CoN, Rhysand's pet stuff.

Actual magic mentoring. Learning history and politics!!

No Illyrian culture vulture stuff but Nesta loves to learn so she'd still have been fascinated to learn about them.

Her facing and overcoming ignorance on the Fae while insisting that humans weren't wrong to be afraid.

Both of them at first pushing the other to confront who they are and what they've done but also building a strange intimacy when they realise the other truly knows and sees them and still thinks they can and will do whatever it takes to save as many people as possible

Quiet nights in his private library where they realise they don't hate each other's company

Less emphasis on training and more on the politics between the Mortal Lands, the Continent, the Courts and Hybern

The potential left me breathless.

[Please don't argue with me in the comments. I let this go long ago and I promise I'm not a threat to your literally cannon ships😭]

[spidersmiceandeverythingnice]

I’m so glad to find someone who also doesn’t like Rysand. I’m so sick of hearing people go on and on about what a feminist he is when he’s overshadowing Feyre both in the fandom and in the story.

oh trust me we are OUT here.

I don't buy him as a "feminist hero" (gag me) and I genuinely HATE how much he became the protagonist of ACOTAR. Because Rhysand is the Author Special Fave, he can't be challenged or even properly questioned and has to be the Best at Everything. Which means that every conflict with him is fundamentally superficial, pointless, and predictable, and he NEVER faces consequences for ANYTHING he does, despite her still (I guess!?!?) attempting to portray him as a morally gray sexy bad boy or whatever - it's just BORING. Rhysand is boring, he's the most bland-ass pathetic whiny excuse for a sexy morally gray bad boy I've ever laid my eyes on and the longer I write this post the saltier I get.

I'm begging everyone who likes Rhysand to Please Reconsider. Please. For MY sanity.

[captainninej]

OH ALSO

does anyone else find it weird that one of the things we're meant to like rhysand better than tamlin for is because he's...rich??

like. his wealth is constantly described and how he has like 38429432 houses and more wealth than most of the country put together. feyre then compares this to tamlin's dingy little manor and is like wow rhys has so much more money so clearly that makes him superior. umm??

firstly, the fact that the entire worldbuilding of the spring court is limited to tamlin's manor isn't tamlin, that's sarah being bad at writing. also, in such a giRLbOsS fEmiNiSt book series, isn't it...kind of dated...to choose someone...for their money? idk and like at the end of acosf when all is forgiven because rhys buys nesta gifts?? like??

i'm pretty sure i remember in acotar that feyre was resentful of the wealth she saw around her because of how she was in poverty below the wall. where did this go? why is she all of a sudden a Real Housewife of Velaris and totally ok with the exorbitant wealth around her, while Illyria is struggling??

at LEAST tamlin, while also being super wealthy since he's a high lord, took care of feyre's family and restored their wealth, essentially setting them up for life (before the ic fucked them over and involved them in the war). rhysand?? he bullies nesta, infantilises elain and DESTROYS NESTA'S APARTMENT.

bUt tHe tItHe - bitch that's taxes. and it was written to make tamlin look like an asshole, nothing more. if u really start to pick it apart it falls apart immediately. feyre was so ready to throw all her jewellery at the water wraith bc sHe'S hUmBLe aNd dOeSnT nEeD tHis uNeCesSaRy wEaLtH - but then the SECOND she steps into the night court she's completely okay with the ic basically using money to wipe their asses?? with rhys taking her to the family trove or whatever at the end of acomaf where there's jewellery and wealth beyond her wildest dreams and she's swooning over the very thing she left the spring court for?

how do u think rhys pays for velaris' beautiful architecture? his palaces? his houses? hE's rIcH ok by that logic, he's 500 years old, runs the largest court in prythian, MONEY DOESN'T JUST LAST FOREVER. IT HAS TO COME FROM SOMEWHERE. you can't have 500 years worth of wealth to keep the infrastructure of entire cities running and have velaris be this utopia with no flaws. come on guys. think. there must be a tax system there somewhere, sarah janet just doesn't want to mention it bc a) she probably forgot b) doesn't understand how taxes work c) doesn't want to make rhysie look bad.

idk the money aspect of both feyre's personality and the entirety of this cartoonish world is just so inconsistent and stupid and you can clearly see sarah's own privilege and narrow-minded upbringing in her writing. so tamlin's a villain for taxes??? but rhysand is a hero for being jeff bezos??

MAKE UP YOUR MIND UGHHHHH

[anyoneseenadam]

Hey! I love your writing so much! Would you be open to write something about Azriel with a fae in Velaris who his shadows actively seek out and he has no idea why. I imagine that she works at a large library and that's where they meet because Azriel would go to figure out what was so special about her. Thanks!

pairing: azriel x reader (acotar)

warnings: implied smut, drinking, men being gross at bars (doesn’t go into detail), mainly just fluff and awkwardness though :)))

a/n: I rlly like this one so I hope you do to!! comments are always appreciated, hope you enjoy <3

-----------------------------------------------------------

 Azriel was standing with Cassian in a small street in Velaris. The ground beneath him was cobbled and all the houses in this area were brightly coloured, the sun seeming to shine brighter over them. They were waiting for Mor as she demanded they help her buy Rhysand a birthday present, desperate to get someone, anyone a good present. She was in a small local shop after Cassian suggested that he would love something from any small business and Cassian let out a groan as he realised she had wandered deeper into the shop. They had already been waiting twenty minutes for her.

“I’m going to drag her out,” Cassian said pushing off the wall and Azriel huffed a breath through his nose.

“Please be quick, don’t let her scare you into staying.” Cassian threw a rude symbol over his shoulder and Azriel grinned reservedly.

He let his gaze travel over more of the houses, his gaze catching on a white house with blue accents, and a blue balcony where a girl sat sipping an orange drink from a large glass and reading a book. He observed her for a while, she was sat curled in a straw chair with a colourful cushion and there was soft music coming from her house, her hair was down and natural and her face was clear of makeup as she soaked in the sun, wearing a males oversized shirt and some knee high socks.

Feeling his stare on her she looked up, grinning cheekily at him when he flushed red and lifting her glass to him in greeting. He was saved from further embarrassment though when Cassian came out, dragging a triumphant Mor who was holding up a purple, silk shirt and bottle of wine. Cassian made a gagging face behind her back as she linked arms with both of them, dragging them down the road and chatting their ears off about the kind old lady from the shop.

As they left Azriel dared a final glance over his shoulder to the girl from the balcony who was still watching him, cocking her head, and waving as he left. As they walked home, choosing to enjoy the sun, he heard nothing of what Mor said, completely focused on the girl from the balcony.

--

When they got home Mor winnowed away to hide her present and Cassian made a comment about Mor’s unique ability to always get horrendous presents. They walked through the door and Feyre instantly looked up from her spot of the sofa, gaze narrowing at Azriel.

“You look different.” She said and Rhys looked up too, frowning when he saw Feyre was right.

“What did you change?” he asked as Amren walked into the room, her head tilting.

“Nothing.” He said defensively as everyone stared at him, not enjoying the way everyone was looking at him now and wishing he could be alone to daydream about the pretty girl he had seen.

“Haircut?” suggested Nesta but he shook his head.

“I haven’t changed anything!” Mor was back now too and had joined in staring, gasping when she realised.

“Where are your shadows?!”

“Ohhhhhhh, that’s it,” Cassian said, sitting down next to his mate as Azriel felt for the shadows that followed him, feeling a rush of white-hot panic shoot through him when he couldn’t feel them.

“Wait what? Where are they then?” Rhys asked and he shook his head, searching for them and frowning when he felt them far away.

“They’re still in Velaris, they must have just stayed somewhere,” he tried to explain.

“Is there another shadow singer in Velaris?” Amren asked and Rhys shook his head.

“Not that we know of,” Azriel felt a flood of relief as his shadows flew back in, almost sheepishly and settled around him, whispering complaints and apologies, as he wondered what had kept them.

--

You had frowned when the handsome, winged male had left, rather enjoying the eye candy. Your friend walked back outside and took her seat opposite you, as you placed down your book and picked up your Apperol Spritz.

“You just missed the hottest male I’ve ever seen.” You said, laughing at her as her face fell completely.

“Why didn’t you shout for me!” she screeched, and you flung an olive pit at her head,

“He would have heard me idiot!”

“Well did you at least get a name?”

“No but I made prolonged eye contact and I think he got the message.”

“The message being?”

“That I would like to marry him and have his babies.”

“Ah makes sense,” you were laughing together as she carried on with the story she had been telling you about the cute Faerie at her work when you felt a cold feeling settle around you, strange given you were still sat in the sun. She stopped talking, giving you a weird look.

“How are you doing that?” she asked as you shrugged.

“I’m not,” the feeling moved, and you realised you were surrounded by shadows, alike the handsome man you had just seen. Your initial anxiety slipped away as they started playing with your hair and caressing your skin alike a lover would. “Hot boy had shadows like this,” you commented, and your friend gasped, eyes wide and a hand over her heart as she sighed.

“Maybe you’re mates!” you rolled your eyes, relaxing into the shadows touch.

“I don’t think my commitment issues can take that,” you joked, and it was her turn to roll her eyes.

“That cynicism is going to be the death of you,” she said in a singsong voice before downing her gin, “Now onto important matters, Rita’s or The Marine?”

--

Two hours later you were completely dolled up, lips red and eyeliner smudged, heeled boots elongating your legs and your all-black outfit making you look intimidating enough that you wouldn’t be bothered by gross men.

“We’re fae, why do you dress like a vampire,” your friend asked, the two of you already slightly buzzed from pre’s.

“Cause vampires are hot and I’m hot so it’s a match made in heaven.”

“Also she has a blood kink!” your roommate shouted from the bathroom and you threw a shoe at her.

“Bitch.” You said, laughing as she came out and the three of you stood to leave.

“Am I wrong?” she asked, and you shoved her, muttering a small no under your breath.

The three of you made your way to Rita’s and got in the queue. You leaned against the cold, brick wall when you saw him again, similarly dressed in all black and somehow looking even better under the light of the moon, his tanned skin glowing in the pale light. He caught your eyes, his face barely changing as he lifted his hand in a half wave, you nodded your head up with a smirk. Your friends followed your gaze, both gasping slightly as they caught sight of him at the end of the queue with his friends.

“Is that hot boy?!”

“Uh huh,” you smiled cheekily at her, “And I call dibs.”

“I get why you want to have his babies,”

“Wait you know him?” your roommate asked, and you shrugged with a smile. “How the fuck do you know the high lords shadow singer?”

“I get around,”

“He was outside earlier today,” your friend translated as the three of you moved into the club, instantly heading to the bar for more drinks.

“That too I guess, shots?” the three of you ordered six vodka shots and you laughed at your friends’ reactions to them.

“How do you enjoy this,” your roommate squealed as you tipped your head back, smiling at the familiar burn.

“Feels good,” you said, taking your second.

“Sadist.”

--

Azriel couldn’t believe his eyes. There you were again, your bare face swapped for dark makeup, and loose clothes swapped for a dress he desperately wanted to see on his floor. At first he wasn’t even sure it was the same girl, your style so different, but it was. And he had waved. No cool head tilt like the one you gave him, no sultry eyes, and pouting lips, just a stupid wave. And then you had laughed with your friends and he decided he needed the sound bottled, something to keep with him at all times.

You had walked inside without so much as a second glance and Azriel had to refrain himself from slamming his head against the wall.

“Who were you waving at?” Amren asked, the small women appearing next to him.

“Just someone I met earlier.” He didn’t want to get into the details, especially not around Cassian who would tease him relentlessly if he heard. Amren, thankfully, dropped it as they moved into Rita’s, his eyes instantly finding you at the bar, two empty shot glasses next to you as you laughed with your friends.

He moved with his family to a table that pretty remained reserved for them as Rita came to get them some drinks and see if they wanted food. He only half listened, ordering a Scotch as he watched you as you and your friends moved to dance together, completely enamoured by you despite not having said anything to you.

Eventually he pulled his eyes away and focused on his friends and his drink as they laughed into the small hours of the night. He kept stealing glances at you, his grip on his glass tightening when he saw you leaning against the bar waiting for drinks as a male leaned too close to you. He almost stood to intervene when saw you lean in close to the man, meeting Azriel’s eyes over his shoulder and whispering in his ear. Azriel wished he could hear what you said but you were too far away, and the music was too loud, but whatever it was, the male turned white and scampered away, almost tripping over his feet as you giggled.

When it happened this time he noticed, feeling the coolness of his shadows leave and he watched as they travelled over to you, wrapping around you, and making you look like an angel of death. You turned and caught his eyes, winking at him before grabbing the tray of drinks the bartender had laid out for you and sauntering over to your friends.

“Is she a shadow singer?” Feyre asked, following his gaze and he shook his head, feeling a smile come over his face as he watched you interact with your drunk friends.

“No I think they just like her,” his high lady smiled at him,

“You mean you like her,”

“I haven’t even spoken to her.” He said drily and Nesta leaned over,

“Love at first sight,” she said in a singsong voice making him roll his eyes.

“This isn’t a romance book,” he said, huffing as a crowd moved in front of you and he couldn’t see you anymore.

“You tell yourself that,” Feyre said, patting his knee.

An hour later, when most the club was empty, you were standing, swaying slightly with your friend leaning on you.

“No baby, no more you’ll throw up again,” he heard you coo as she reached for a drink that was left on someone table. She huffed but you passed her into the arms of your other friend, and he sat up straight when he realised you were coming over to him.

You bowed your head slightly at Rhys and Feyre as all his friends turned to stare at you, your gaze unfaltering and your back straight as you looked at him.

“I think these belong to you,” you said, gesturing to the shadows swirling around your arms.

He tried to fight his blush, pulling them back in, “Yeah, thanks..?” he trailed off and you finished for him.

“(y/n).”

“Azriel.”

“Well Azriel,” his name sounded divine on your tongue, and you shot him another half-smile, “see you around.”

--

The next day, he was up only three hours after he fell asleep, desperate to find you. He wandered into town, usual leathers swapped for a white shirt collar peeking out of a dark sweater, his hands tucked into his pockets as he found himself wandering down your cobblestoned street. He looked up to your balcony and considered throwing rocks at the glass doors like in one of Nesta’s romance novels but paused when he saw all the lights were turned off.

Instead he chose to wander into the shop Mor had been in the previous day. The room smelt old, and he could see the dust moving in the morning light as he walked in. An old lady was behind the counter and she smiled as she recognised him.

“Hello, how can I help you?” she asked as he came to stand in front of her.

“I actually had a question,” she motioned for him to continue, “Do you know where I could find (y/n)?” he asked, and she smiled a knowing smile.

“Interested in my granddaughter are you?” she asked, eyes sparkling and Azriel rubbed the back of his neck, smiling nervously, “She works at the library in the square, I’m sure you’ll find her there.”

He thanked her and she waved him away, knowing she would get to hear all the details next Wednesday when the two of you met for tea. But until then she was happy to watch the handsome man leave to find you.

He flew to the library that your grandmother had mentioned and walked in. This was always one of his favourite places to come in the city. The bookshelves were tall and overflowing, candles covered the room, and there were huge glass windows on the far wall that cast the room in planes of light. He walked around for a while, letting his shadows lead him until he found you with a pile of books in your arms that you were going to return.

You smiled when you saw him, dressed in a black dress with lots of daisies on it that went halfway down your calf, a black cardigan, and black boots. Your hair was held back in a low bun, but you had strands falling out making you look impossibly cute, and he almost said as much as he moved to take some books from your arms.

“So are you stalking me now?” you had asked cheekily, and he stammered when he realised just how weird he looked.

“No, no I…”

“Relax I’m teasing, I’m glad you’re here actually.”

“You are?” he asked, relaxing slightly as you stood on your tiptoes to put a book on a shelf.

“Yes, you’re very pretty,” he laughed, and you smiled at him, your eyes creasing.

“Well so are you,” he replied as you turned to face him, “But you do keep stealing my shadows and I’m wondering why that is?”

“I’m stealing them am I? I just presumed that you were very mean to them and they wanted someone else,”

“They’re spoiled,” he joked, watching as they trailed up your arms and you giggled,

“You speak about them like they’re pets.”

“You’d be surprised how accurate that actually is,” he muttered as you moved to the next aisle and your laughter bounced of the walls, wincing slightly due to your drinking induced headache.

He went to help you with more books when his fingers touched your hand and the word hit him, mate. You looked up at him shocked before giggling.

“I guess that’s what the shadows meant,” you let out an ‘oomph’ as suddenly the shadows shot forward, pushing you into his chest and Azriel looked at you.

“I have a mate.” He repeated to himself.

“And I have commitment issues so this might be rough,”

“It’s fine I have attachment issues,” he replied, unable to stop the smile forming on his face, “Match made in heaven.”

“More like hell,” you joked as he leaned down to you.

“Can I kiss you?” he practically whispered, lips almost touching yours as his wings circled the two of you. You nodded slightly and the two of you stumbled back from the force of the kiss, his hands gripping your waist tightly as yours wove into his hair, grinning against his mouth.

“Azriel,” you muttered between kisses, pulling back slightly only to just be pulled right back in. You repeated his name again, successfully pulling away this time as his lips attached to your neck.

“Az, we’re in a public library.”

“So?”

“So we can continue this when I’m off work,” you shoved him off with a laugh as he grumbled, before pulling you in for a final kiss.

“What time?” he asked.

“My shift ends at three,” you smiled as he looked at the clock.

“It’s only eight,”

“Maybe wait at your house,” you laughed at his expression, pressing a chaste kiss to his mouth before walking off, shooting him a smirk over you shoulder.

Only six hours, fifty-nine minutes left.

[aelingalathyniusrailme]

things I will not be taking criticism on

gwyneth berdara deserves the fucking world, she is a queen and an amazing character who is a good person and has done nothing to prove otherwise.

nesta did not change, she just realized she didn’t have to have all of her walls up all the time and be a raging bitch to the people who care about her. that’s called growth

feyre is not just a mindless housewife who does whatever rhys wants. she constantly tells him when he goes too far. to say this is so disrespectful to her character and contradicts pretty much everything in the books

rhys and nesta are two sides of the same fucking coin. they don’t get along because they are exactly the same.

I love mor as a character but she pretty much adds nothing to the series besides being everyone’s transportation

cassian deserved better development then he got in acosf and he’s not dumb, not even a little bit. just because he wasn’t born great at the whole manipulation/playing games thing does not make him dumb

does mor have to come out to anyone? fuck no. but she should have made it clear to azriel a long time ago that it was never going to happen. and azriel, he should learn how to take a hint. like seriously 500 years plus mor interrupting his love confession. my god how is someone who is a literal spy so dense.

same goes for elain and lucien. does she owe him her time or affection? absolutely not. however she needs to understand that she is not the only one who is shackled to someone else. lucien is going through the exact same thing but we all seem to think it’s only elain whose perspective on the situation matters. lucien clearly wants to try or at least get to know elain. so what elain does owe him is either a firm rejection because stringing people along, not ok, or she can decide she wants to try/gets to know him. or at the very least a conversation. what’s she’s doing is selfish.

azriel is kind of an asshole. and threatening to kill lucien, who he knows nothing about, because he thinks he doesn’t deserve elain, that’s not romantic that’s toxic and a little psychotic

emerie is one of the strongest characters in the series

not liking elain is valid. not liking any of the characters is valid. it is your opinion

the only redemption arc tamlin should get is if he dies for lucien any thing else I don’t accept

nesta is the hottest character in the acotar universe. once again I will not be accepting criticism this is a fact

should amren have stayed dead? probably but she does add historical context that is crucial to the plot

there were more but I lost them and don’t feel like trying to remember what I said. so

[separatist-apologist]

Tbh I don’t get why nesta fans like nessian pairing. I think they mix up fanon cassian with the canon one ( which funnily enough a fan that was hoping for a nessian book with redemption for cassian predicted. they said the relationship would be shit based on cassians actions in past books)

Cassian, from the JUMP, treats Nesta like shit. His very first statement to her is condemnation and in ACOSF when he says he's guessed they were mates since the moment they met? I was like, this is a SUPER bad look for you, then. In comparison with Rhysand, who also had a mate who hated him (and did questionable shit in ACOTAR), he at least had like pretty solid reasons (a crazy despot who could only be stopped by one human girl? I'd do questionable shit too, in order to save her life) for his actions. What is Cassian's excuse? He baits her every chance he gets and the only true confession of feelings we really get is a deathbed confession.

If Nesta had to have a mate, and it had to be a bat boy, I wish it had been Azriel. There is a moment in ACOSF when Az comes in and sees Nesta's bruised up face. She fell down the stairs and she tells him this. Azriel hesitates and then asks if someone (Cassian) pushed her. This is the same scene where Cassian tells Nesta everyone hates her, which he knows she already thinks. Azriel was kind, he cared about her, he was her friend in a real way, and I think he would have given her space and treated her much better if they'd been mates. I also think he would have stood up for her when it came to his friends.

Cassian very much felt like the guy who was insecure about being low-class and needed to make his girlfriend feel like she wasn't better than him (you know, the dudes ranting about stuck up, snotty bitches). He's got 500 years on a 23-25 year old woman yet his ruled by his petty emotions (and dick) and somehow he was supposed to be the good guy. He wasn't. Not all mating bonds work out, some are toxic, right? I know a chunk of the fandom wants to see that with Elain but honestly ACOSF showed it to us with Nessian. In 10-50 years, when Nesta starts to work through her trauma, I don't believe she's not going to feel a lot of resentment over the way he treats her.

Cassian never once tried to understand her feelings. Everytime she tried to tell him he centered his own feelings and I have to say, that shit was the worst to read. Who fucking cares, Cassian? You have had centuries to process it. And while his life was tragedy, it wasn't the same as hers. Hers was worse and he never seemed to think so. He very much felt like "get over it already" or "hahaha no be sad you're so sexy hahahaha" and I just. I don't like canon Cassian.

[bluedietcoke]

10 fandoms 10 characters thing:

annabeth chase - riordanverse.

my logical strong queen. she’s truly THE definition of having both brain and brawn and i love how realistically flawed rick wrote her character. it makes her more likable. her family problems, her inability to express what she truly felt for percy, and emotional turmoil were all very humane things which i loved.

nesta archeron - acotar

i don’t know but i feel a very strong connection to nesta’s character because of how many flaws that she has. yes, she’s snarky. yes, she doesn’t show love to the people she cares for most. and yes she could be better, but that was what acosf was about: her journey to be a better person. and girl had GOD TIER character development. i stan one badass bitch in acotar and it’s nesta. also her nicknames like lady death, princess of decay, kingslayer, etc are so hot.

kenji kishimoto - shatter me

my king. i wish we got to really see his true backstory in the trilogy aside from his relationship with castle, but kenji’s friendship with juliette gives me life. the scene in ignite me when he found juliette again broke my heart because he didn’t get to break down, but instead used humor as a coping mechanism. i haven’t met a single person who doesn’t stan him and with good reason too.

scarlett dragna - caraval

she’s probably one of my favorite women book characters ever. stephanie garber absolutely went OFF on scarlett and i loved every moment reading in her pov. seeing the world of caraval and magic through her eyes was absolutely awe inspiring. she’s such a strong and powerful woman who fought so incredibly hard for the people she loved even when she knew they didn’t love her nearly as much.

kathleen lang - these violent delights

kathleen and juliette were tied, but i went with kathleen. i loved how she stood up for herself when everyone in the cai family doubted her ability to kill and defend herself and in the end, she proved all of them wrong. and the plottwist with the lang sisters blew my mind i wasn’t expecting it. i loved how kathleen started off the book doubting everything about who she was until the end where her loyalty kept her going and the build up to that point was spectacular.

xander hawthorne - the inheritance games

avery and jameson are close seconds, but there was just something about XANDER that really struck me. i wasn’t expecting the plottwist at the end with his character but it was incredibly well written. i likes how his struggles with being the only poc hawthorne were real. i aspire to be as smart and charming as xander, and loved his relationship with avery. he was one of the only ones who defended her in every situation and i loved it.

ailesse - bone crier’s moon

first: ailesse is so hot i simp over her like ten times a day. i loved how constantly brave she was over the course of the book, even when the odds were very much not in her favor. her LOYALTY to sabine and all of the leuress was so emotional because she had been willing to die for all of them, especially sabine, at any given moment. her relationship with bastien was super cute and i loved the enemies to lovers buildup. but yeah stan ailesse for being such a well rounded character.

alessandra stathos - the shadows between us

when i tell you that alessandra is a badass character, i mean she THE badass character. i loved reading in her pov because i saw how her mind worked and her shields that she put up in order to never get hurt by anyone ever again. she’s incredibly independent beyond words and knows what she wants and knows how to get it.

jesper fahey - six of crows

he’s a sharpshooter with a good sense of humor and a bisexual legend. there’s nothing more to want in a character. but i really did love his humor and the loyalty he had for the crows even when they were all going to die. he’s literally my comfort character and the trauma he had made him so much more idealistically real and likable.

katniss everdeen - the hunger games

i aspire to have the courage and confidence katniss had in all three books. she’s the embodiment of a true dystopian hero and i adored the amount of passion she had in saving people and protecting the ones who showed her even an ounce of kindness. she truly deserved so much better.

[flowerflamestars]

Let's ask the hard questions here, baby. What do you think the series would have been like had it been Nesta Archeron under the mountain?

BABE this is it-this is the best question I’ve ever been asked. 

For one thing, chaotic. For another: I think the simple substitution reframes the whole structure of the narrative. It’s not about a journey to power that fights Evil Tyranny (abused Human to Hero to High Lady).

It’s a story about the people working around, beside, under the powerful Lords- and the difficult choices they make. Less Hero’s Journey more, Look, These Are the Real Heroes.

Let’s start with Spring. We know now that the whole you killed a faery now you have to come to faeryland thing was an insanely shitty ruse. So maybe Andras is still alive. Maybe Feyre killed him and Nesta successfully protected her sisters. Maybe Tamlin is just a twat and went that one is pretty. ANYWAY-

Nesta gets to Spring. Lucien doesn’t immediately despise her, for, you know, murdering and skinning his only friend (a handy sublimation of the anger he can’t express against his High Lord). Nesta was raised in the fucking gentry and Nesta can play the game- it’s a question of willingness.

Feyre is a lot more willing to roll with weird circumstances for caution.  Nesta is, to her bones, an aggressor. Empty manor doesn’t add up? She’s going to say something so cutting, and so infuriating to Tamtam she ends up seeing all the faeries. She steels herself, refuses to be afraid of Alis, and asks questions. (See, Nesta’s first IC dinner, zeroing in on the scariest faery and refusing to flinch)

At some point, there’s a confrontation. 

But it’s not between Nesta and Tamlin. Now, in canon Tamtams is extremely willing to drag his feet on the curse. In this version, that is so much worse- sure, he’s into Nesta (Nesta, recall, just looks like sharper Feyre), but Nesta takes one look at this fragile immortal man child and roasts the shit out of him. What’s he going to do? Kill her? Negates all the stupid trouble he went to. Punish her? He clearly needs her for something.

Tamlin cannot handle that. There are no Romantic Moments. Nes spends calanmai watching faeries do weird shit out her window. She sure as fuck doesn’t drink faery wine and dance for Tamlin at the solstice. It is not happening.

 So Nesta spends a lot of time alone, wandering around. Talking to Lucien, Alis, random-ass faeries out of sheer reckless ego, reading every book in the ugly manor.

Nesta confronts Lucien. I’m going to go with after the wingless dead faerie and the head in the garden. The stupid blight conversation.

This works differently and better than Feyre’s attempts to get more information for I think, two important reasons. 1) Lucien and Nesta speak the same language in acotar. It’s all anger babes- sharp edged, sexy, bullshit. There’s no cycle of forgiveness then softening- they are the same, too the same, tired and self-hating survivalists bored out of their minds in a gilded death trap. 

and 2) Nesta and Feyre are quintessentially perceived differently. Feyre is hopeful- tenacious, young, free. She shakes up things for these old ass faeries and gives them something to believe in. It’s youth for the eternally young. 

Nesta...is not that. She gets under your skin, forever. Multiple faeries meet her throughout the books and have very extreme reactions to that- but what matters at this point, as a mortal- Nesta reads as an adult. She’s immune to glamour. Her strength isn’t kindness or an open heart, it’s fucking steel that might take your last breathe.

And look, Lucien would respond to that. Tamlin...isn’t even talking to the girl his people died to get him. The curse is almost over and they’re all going to get tortured. Nesta, has, from day one, known something is wrong- she’s so angry, and it makes it easier for Lucien to be angry.

It’s not hunting bros who become Real Friends, it’s fire and gasoline. Empowerment.

So, I haven’t read acotar in ages- but I’m pretty sure they literally couldn’t tell her about Tamlin’s curse. But Lucien can communicate around the magical fuckery- there’s a great evil. The kids in Winter are all dead because of another High Lord. 

And look, Nesta cares about dead kids. She even, begrudgingly, cares about Lucien. She does not give a single flying fuck about the High Lords.

But Lucien, in this world, is the first one to say it: Hybern. 

Amarantha is Hybern’s general, and Hybern wants all of Prythian. All of it. 

Nesta is absolutely going to walk into the fire to keep the humans- and by extent, her sisters- safe from faeries. 

Tamlin- because he does not love Nesta- doesn’t send her away. Doesn’t crush any savage hope Lucien harbored, doesn’t do shit. He gives up.

And so Spring is dragged beneath the Mountain.

Nesta has exactly two advantages on her side: she can see through glamour, so she’s not 100% disoriented and vulnerable (just..you know, terrified), and sheer force of will.

Amarantha likes will. She likes to break it, and there are so few real contenders left after her victory. 

Nesta doesn’t bargain- Nesta doesn’t beg for Tamlin’s life and love- she asks to win her own. 

Amarantha wants to crush her like a bug. Insignificant little human- but wouldn’t it be more fun to watch each little crack form?

So she gets the riddle. Tamlin’s power is thrown in like the boring chekovs gun that it is. Lucien (probably) gets beat up because Lucien always gets beat up under the Mountain. 

Nesta has two choices: she can answer the (stupidly cliched, easy) riddle right there, and try to walk out. (Nesta knows she’s not making it out alive). Or she can wait, and play the game. (She’ll be damned if she doesn’t take that insane bitch and maybe Tamlin down with her. Her only ally is Lucien and he’s being hauled off with a bleeding headwound soo..)

Nesta lets herself be dragged away. She doesn’t fight. 

Let us remember again, that the Archeron sisters are built like a triptych. A presumable almost mother maiden crone. They look alike, especially Nesta and Feyre. If Rhysie boy thinks Feyre is hot at first glance, guess what he also thinks about Nesta?

So, yes, of course he goes to offer a deal. And let’s be clear on something- when Feyre hated Rhysands guts, what did he like about her? That she was beautiful, absolutely didn’t give a fuck, and what’s that? Fought with him.

She lets him heal her, but then- Nesta won’t even talk to him. Nothing he does works. They come to agreement (which Rhysand finds fascinating, a human with loyalty, that human heart) that Nesta will listen to Rhysand’s offer if and when, he delivers to her a whole, safe, Lucien Vanserra.

Rhys frames this as emotional torture. Incentive. He doesn’t need to play evil as well- Nesta hates fucking faeries. And she knows he killed a bunch of children. 

So Lucien gets thrown in the cell. Minimally healed. About to embark on the misery train, self-deprecating laughter at the fact he’s healed, now, because of Nesta. 

Lucien: so nice of you to make sure we’re all pretty before we die, Archeron. Final night spent huddling for warmth together?

Nesta: Shut up. Shut up- tell me why the fuck Rhysand would be trying to make a deal with me.

They come to the conclusion that, while Rhysand is a monster, he also has no control of his own. He’s completely under Amarantha’s thumb, and apparently, wants out.

Nesta, because she always goes for the jugular, has another thought: Are you really going to go back to Spring after this? He gave up. He gave up and you were rotting in a cell.

Lucien, to whom Nesta is both gasoline and mean friend catnip, but who is also a Sad Boi: where else can I go?

So they make a plan. Rhysand thinks Nesta is the key to killing Amarantha? Cool, Amarantha needs to die. Tamlin is the only High Lord who has access to his power more readily? Tamlin needs to do the killing. 

What does Nesta want? There to be no Hybern coming to burn the land where her sisters live. To go back, to go home- but Nesta doesn’t think, even for a second, she’s really going to make it out alive. And if she does, as she thinks late at night, of Feyre’s laugh, or Elain’s quiet humor- how will it ever be safe? They live on the Wall.

Nesta is known to faeries now- Nesta is infamous, and there’s nothing to stop anyone, should her presence lead them back to her home.

Nesta privately decides Tamlin should die too.

So when the time comes, and Rhysand is like, I’ll protect you, you’ll be mine and you’ll be healed- Nesta says no. Nesta, because she really has never learned to back down- looks dead in the eye of the High Lord of Night, the monster who sleeps beside Amarantha and says: safe passage.

She’ll do what Rhys wants, for this: Lucien Vanserra’s safe passage to a safe place, and for Rhysand to promise not to get in her way when she answers the riddle.

Rhys still wants her to come to the Night Court- for whatever nebulous reasons he wanted Feyre to...which only make sense AFTER she’s changed by the High Lords...which Rhysie couldn’t have known, BUT ANYWAY- Nesta says yes. She doesn’t expect she’ll be alive to pay.

Lucien sulks back to Tamlin’s side, and spends a few weeks between challenges laying it on thick. A quiet whisper that grows, a perfect stroke to Tamlin’s volatile ego. How dare Amarantha, how dare Nesta- Tamlin is a Lord, Tamlin is Spring- Tamlin, who has suffered so much more than the other Lords, deserves his power back. 

Nesta is dragged out for the final challenge.

In one of the long, dangerous hallways, her guards look the other way for just a moment- for a visitor. The High Lady of Autumn knows her son is safe because of this girl. 

She hands Nesta a knife. A small gift- all she can. Steel, not ash, small enough it will go unnoticed.

Nesta is dragged before the throne, before the High Lords, Tamlin and Amarantha, Rhysand.

Nesta answers the riddle.

And when Amarantha refuses to abide the rules- Tamlin, carefully manipulated without coordinating by both Rhys and Lucien, goes apeshit.

This does not stop Amarantha from hurting Nesta. The opposite- she’s trapped in the fight between them. When Amarantha does give Tamlin over the power, it doesn’t stop- unloved by even a human, and now she’d take any chance he’d had to win her as he really was.

Nesta doesn’t stab Amarantha. Nesta lays there, bleeding to death, biding her time.

Tamlin murders Amarantha. Rhysand doesn’t beg, but he’s there, getting growled at by Lucien as he tried to staunch Nesta’s wounds.

Amarantha dies, and Tamlin, glowing with power, makes his way to Nesta. They think he’s going to heal her- to try, but Tamlin is Tamlin, so he pulls her into his arms.

Nesta, who knows she’s going to die- Nesta, who was taken from her home, her family, deprived of her life by the choices of this man- Nesta lets Tamlin embrace her, the arrogant, stupid bastard, and stabs him in the throat.

It is the golden, desperate words of Lucien Vanserra that convince the High Lords to heal her. It is Rhysand who tries first, who gives the most. After all- Tamlin had been too selfish to try, and they’d all suffered for it. Faery justice: swift and bloody.

Nesta had died victorious. Nesta died with a bloody autumn court dagger in one hand and the grip of her only real friend in the other- but death was chaos. Skies and stars and howling wind, love and blood and war.

A thousand miles away, Cassian awoke screaming, clawing at his own chest.

She climbed through blood and battle, dreams and hope, floated to an infinite sky: and found herself alive.

Breathing, whole, an immortal monster. On her way to the Court of Night with Lucien by her side. 

[heyovivi]

ACOTAR 6? (MAJOR SPOILERS FOR ACOSF)

Okay! I just finished A Court of Silver Flames and absolutely love Nesta’s journey and this is coming from a person who didn’t really like Nesta from the beginning. Her journey of healing and finding herself was beautiful and her journey with Cassian was heart-wrenching and sexy and I just loved it all! But anyways, more on that later, I have some predictions for the next book. 

So I usually don’t go into anything without spoiling myself so before I even picked up ACOSF from a bookshelf at Target (don’t worry I was able to read both bonus chapters; meaning Azriel’s and the Feyre and Rhys’ chapters) I knew a little about ACOSF already. Now, ACOSF wasn’t deeply plotted and there wasn’t any world building like there was when we read the first three book--although it didn’t really matter to me I still enjoyed the book. ACOSF was all about Nesta and her journey and an insight to her thoughts and why she is the way she is and although I felt that at some points I hated Nesta I could still understand her frustrations and I could understand that she was deeply flawed as a character--which is fine. 

Now, even if ACOSF didn’t have a huge plot there were some key elements that will probably be very important in the next book such as Koschei, the remaining Mortal Queens, the Band of Exiles, Azriel’s journey, and Elain’s journey. But one key thing I noticed was Eris. Now he didn’t appear that much in the book and if he did it was during moments where his presence was essential to the plot (such as being kidnapped by Queen Brialynn and Koschei), but in that last chapter he appeared in it seemed like there was more to the story, to his story specifically. I think that maybe we might be getting a book on Eris. 

A lot of people say that ACOSF is reminiscent of Tower of Dawn from the Throne of Glass series, where instead of following Aelin in her quest to free her kingdom and stop Maeve, we instead venture into a Chaol-centered book where we kind of try to understand his point of view and character growth. So maybe, and this is just a theory or prediction, maybe we’ll get a similar thing with Eris. 

From that one little conversation we get with Cassian and Eris, it appears that Eris is kind’ve jealous of the Night Court and it’s relationships with the other courts in Prythian. A lot of people have already pointed how much Eris could be a lot like Rhys in the manner that Eris wants the Autumn Court to be seen not as the fiery court of rage and misery, but instead wants to be a beacon for those who dwell there. And you do see some parallels between Rhys and Eris and their upbringing with their fathers being very strict figures in their lives but with Eris there was an emphasize of abuse somewhere along the line. 

Now I’m not saying that Eris is getting a book or that his book even next, but I think that we have not heard the full story of what happened between both him and Mor, and I really want to know the entire story of what had happened in Eris’ life to make him seem like such a conniving person. But if I’m being honest I would much rather read a book about Eris’ efforts to lift the Autumn Court than a book about Mor--just my preference you don’t have to agree with me. 

Now here are my runner ups for who could be the possible voice of ACOTAR 6. 

Azriel

Elain

No, not Azriel and Elain, but Azriel or Elain. Now there were a lot of people saying that the book is either about Elain and Azriel, or Azriel and Gwyn, or Elain and Lucien--and I’m not going to shut down anyone’s theories but I’m going to share my own. Again, if you feel peeved about what sides or ships I support then stop reading when you get pissed because I can live with the fact that not everyone is going to agree with my theories.

First off, Azriel. 

I’m going to be honest, from what I read on Tumblr mainly I thought Azriel’s role in ACOSF was going to be way bigger, but I still enjoyed his dry humor and presence when he was there. Though when it comes to Miss Sarah J Mass we have to pay attention to every little detail in her books and if you caught onto his distance from Mor during the Solstice party or his reluctance to hold baby Nyx because of his scarred hands then I think it’s pretty telling that the next book could be about Azriel and his journey with coming face to face with his trauma, his past, and maybe his unsteady relationship with the Illyrians; not to mention his five century one-sided love with Mor. 

If you know me, or looked at any of my content, you should know that I am a hardcore Gwynriel shipper. I love Gwyn and fell in love with the ship almost immediately so much so that I’m embarrassed that I entertained the idea of shipping Azriel with Emerie or Clotho. I think that she might play a pivotal role in his journey to healing and that he might also play a large role in hers as well. Through his bonus chapter we can kind of see the sparks of something starting between them, I’m guessing it’s tied to theories that they are mates or to the theory that Gwyn could be a possibly lightsinger. All I know for sure right now is that Gwyn’s story is definitely not over with and I except see more of her in the future along with the other Valkyries as well. 

Finally, Elain. 

Now I don’t think the next book is about Elain but I do feel that out of all of the other characters her story is in the making? I’ve been told numerous times that Elain will be getting a book of her own, but we don’t know when and we don’t know what it is going to be about. Now, I’m not the hugest fan of Elain and it all goes back to her and Nesta just sitting around when Feyre was in the woods fighting for her life and there's as well. I know that she apologized and felt guilty afterwards but her excuse was “we gave up and she didn’t” just did not do it for me. 

It was in this passage from A Court of Thorns and Roses, where my distaste for Elain blossomed: 

The mercenary transferred the coins to my waiting palm, and I tucked them into my pocket, their weight as heavy as milestone. There was no possible chance that my sisters hadn’t spotted the money--no chance they weren’t already wondering how they might persuade me to give them some. 

...I felt my sisters sweep closer, like vultures circling a carcass. 

Like at least we knew Nesta was the “wolf” as she described herself. We knew she had a sharp-tongue and we knew she could be a bitch with her words. But Elain, she was described as innocent and nice, and yes when you paint her in a garden with flowers and frilly dresses she does just seem like some Cinderella-like character but after five books, especially after ACOSF my hate for Elain has just grown. Like after ACOWAR, I just thought she was boring--yes, she had a hand in killing the king of Hybern but that hype was kind’ve stolen away when Nesta ripped his head from his body. 

Since then, we haven’t really, really got a full look through with Elain and a large part of that is because we haven’t gotten her point of view, like not even in A Court of Frost and Starlight. From what we know about her, canonically, no theories or anything, she likes to garden, she likes to cook, her friends are Cerridwen and Nuala, she doesn’t want to confront that bond she has with Lucien, and she has an attraction to Azriel. But beyond that we don’t know anything--there were things that I kept out even though they were mentioned in ACOSF but there is also a lot of mystery around the things she said and claimed to do--even Cassian questioned them but didn’t approach her about the topic. 

I don’t think we have enough of a story to build up on Elain. For the most part I feel like her presence in ACOSF was mostly there to just piss Nesta off. Literally, in every scene she has with Nesta, she is pissing her off, setting her off, making her yell or scream, or making the silver flames ignite. And this is extremely out of character for Elain. Yes, we don’t get enough of her, but from what we can gather, Elain usually is not one to push buttons but I wonder why she did with Nesta. 

Here are a few passages that I just found beguiling while reading Nesta’s interactions with Elain: 

Elain stepped closer, brown eyes wide. Undoubtedly wholly convinced of her own innocence, her innate goodness. “It’s the truth. We did this because we love you, and we worry for you, and if Father were here--”

“Don’t ever mention him.” Nesta bared her teeth, but kept her voice low. “Never fucking mention him again.” 

Mentioning their father? A very taboo subject for Nesta. And Elain stans like to argue that Elain is quiet and docile because she is an observer. She takes things in and she tucks them away in her memory, but if she’d paid so much attention then why would she mention their father to Nesta? Feyre noted Nesta’s relationship with their father in book one, so there is no way that Elain herself didn’t know about it. 

Here is  another line from their conversation I thought were very weird to read about and I’ll explain why: 

Elain crossed her arms and said calmly, sadly, “Feyre warned me this might happen.” 

Bullseye. Nesta doesn’t like to be talked about, to be judged. We learned that in ACOSF and again if Elain was this person who sees and pays attention she should’ve known this or caught on. 

I think in this scene, Elain was purposely trying to set off Nesta. 

Nesta cleared her throat. “Cassian said it might be good if I came.”

Elain’s eyes flickered. “Did Feyre pay you, like last year?” 

“No,” shame washed over her. 

Elain sighed, glancing over Nesta’s shoulder to the open doorway across the entry. The party within, only for their small inner circle. “Please don’t upset Feyre. It’s her birthday, first of all. And in her state--”

“Oh, fuck you,” Nesta snapped, and then choked. 

Nesta was actually trying to get better at this point. She even risked going to a party despite not feeling welcomed just because Cassian told her it might be good for her to be surrounded by her family and for her not be alone on the holiday. You could even tell how by the way Nesta is keeping herself away she is still uncomfortable but the thing is she still showed up which is a sure sign she is improving. 

I don’t know why Elain started talking about the year before or about upsetting Feyre--literally wanted to slap the bitch in this scene. Like I just want to know why Elain pressed so hard. Then afterwards she waved it off as if she hadn’t just said what she said and acted normally. I can not tell you how mad I was at this--like especially for a sensitive character like Nesta who is ALWAYS In her thoughts and always takes things to a deep level. Like what Elain said could’ve just broken a vital part of Nesta and caused her to relapse. 

Anyways, I think Elain’s behavior in ACOSF could hint at the Evil Elain theory. Although I don’t think it’s going to come in the next book--it might build in the next book but at most I think Elain’s story will come to fruition in ACOTAR 7 or 8 and isn’t going to be about her journey or soul searching but maybe we’ll be getting the point of view of a villain. Like there were many mysterious hints dropped in ACOSF and the way I interpreted them is that Elain is planning something and if her behavior matches her actions, it’s something that could possibly affect her sisters. 

Plus, you have to wonder how Brialynn and Koschei knew everything. They knew all the IC’s moves and all of Nesta’s moves...but how? A lot of the time when Nesta was given a mission by Rhys it was in the River House and we also know that Elain has been getting better at sneaking around without being detected so it’s not too farfetched that Elain could be the spy. You don’t have to agree with me but I think it’s a pretty solid theory as far as they go. 

But do tell me your thoughts I would love to hear them. I’m sorry if I offended anyone in the end but we all have to just respect everyone’s opinion so no fights or slander, especially in my comment section. 

[cassiansnes]

A Court of Thorns and Roses Review

HELLOOOOOOOO BESTIESSSS!!! so i recently made this account and started the acotar series for nesta, cassian, and nessian as a whole and i FINALLY finished the first book (let’s hope i can move faster with the others bc this was a...VERY slow read lmfaoo) anyways here are my thoughts <33333

ngl besides nesta, lucien, and rhys, reading acotar wasn’t all that interesting for me.

i’m glad that there was decent world-building so i was more occupied but this book literally took me two weeks of sporadic reading to finish when it should’ve only taken me a day or two. nesta held up so much of the beginning and middle on her own for me that i got through those chapters fairly quickly compared to the romance—which was very cute albeit a little ill-suited for feyre imo? she doesn’t seem like a doe-eyed, sweet spring-bride type that made feylin bloom in the summer solstice scenes even though i enjoyed it and thought it was cute.

lucien held my attention fairly well through most of the book and i really enjoyed his and feyre’s friendship. he’s funny and annoying and kind of an asshole and i love himmmm my sweet sweet boy. he’s a gem. one of my favs for sure.

tamlin was...eh. ik him and feyre don’t last but the few romantic moments they had were sweet although not enough for me to really sink my teeth into and fall in love with them. the scene where they’re under the willow tree was my favorite by far, i teared up a lil and everything. their romance was very short, very quick, and had a few...odd moments i didn’t enjoy. i can’t wait to see how it breaks and falls apart and watch tamlin get more interesting at least lol. he was pretty boring. feyre held up their relationship all on her own tbh.

RHYSAND WAS SO FASCINATING!!!!! okay so he was intimidating and an asshole at times but like. i enjoy morally gray/anti-hero type characters. like characters that have a antagonistic relationship with the protagonist and yet aren’t the antagonist are greattt imo. he was very complex and usually stole the show when he was present. i do hope when he and feyre get into a relationship together, she doesn’t try and “fix” him bc i’m horrible and i really enjoy this fucked up side of him more than i think i’ll enjoy the good bits. i saw (a few, but i saw them!) similarities with his character/his dynamic with feyre, and nesta’s character/dynamic...which only racked up good points for him. another fav!

NESTA. NESTA NESTA NESTA NESTA NESTA NESTA NESTA NESTA NESTA NESTAAAAAAAAA she is EVERYTHING i mean this girl is EVERYTHING like the first you see of her, she’s a raging, selfish, cold-hearted asshole—which: hot as FUCK i was having the time of my life watching her bitch at people, at feyre, at their father. like. it was stunning, breathtaking, incredible. i was in awe of her. but as we move on, as feyre comes back to her family after timmytam sends her away, we get to see this more complex more, more captivating side of her and we get to see feyre warm up to her fairly quickly after they talk, and bond with her in their own little way. i feel like we get to delve to deeper levels of her character and see something about her so fierce and loyal IT JUST MAKES ME SO HAPPYYYYY SHE HAS SO MANY LAYERS I CANT WAIT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HER UGHHH best girl my super duper uber mega fav my princess <3

and our protagonist was....honestly? not as annoying as i thought she would be. i liked feyre. she was fiery and had a bite when she needed to. she was kind and compassionate. but i think what really got me was her ability to love with everything she had. her sacrifice, her determination and drive. it was absolutely humbling. she’s a well-rounded character, for a first person pov’d protagonist, she was great!!

besides my baby princess nesta chapters, my favorite part of the book was the utm chapters, it really helped me finish bc the book finally kicked into action and got interesting and WHEW my god, it was great! i was having the timeeee of my life rhys was great, amarantha was an amazing villain that i enjoyed hating as deeply as i did, tamlin fell horribly flat - which ig was supposed to happen but wtv. all in all it was an experience, i could reread this whole boring book just to get to those chapters again.

i’d say, all in all it was a 4/10 tbh, maybe 10/10 bc nesta<333333 but otherwise meh. do better sjm. i’m not all that impressed.

ANYWAYS THANK YOU FOR READING THIS LONG BORING ASS REVIEW BESTIESSS I HOPE YOU ENJOYED STAY TUNED FOR ACOMAF REACTIONS WHICH WILL BE COMING SOON MWAH LOVE YALL

[rosereview]

Top 9 Favourite MaasVerse Couples

I did a favourites list of couples in the Shadowhunter universe last year that was really fun so I thought I would do one with all of the couples from Sarah J. Maas’ universe, especially after reading A Court of Silver Flames (review coming soon). Because of all that and given that Sarah J. Maas never fails to be sneaky with which guy the main character ends up with in the end, this favourites list will be full of spoilers. So like before, the top couples all are couples that for sure end up together, while the honorable mentions are couples that I like or ones that I think would be good together or who I want to be together. 

Honorable Mentions

To start off we have character couples that I love but don’t know enough about to be super invested.

Amren & Varian- from ACOTAR. I just think that they are so cute and I love Amren and I’m so happy that she has someone who is there for her. I also think Varian is an interesting character who is the perfect balance for Amren’s intensity, also at all the family gatherings with Varian there, he just feels like the typical come-home-for-christmas-with-a-guy boyfriend who the family gets to know, but also plays around with because he’s new (don’t know if that makes sense, but if you’ve ever had a sibling or cousin bring a partner home for the holidays to a joking-around type family then you’ll get it).

Kallias & Viviane- from ACOTAR. Also don’t know a lot about them, but for the few interactions we see of them, I think they are super cute! The other courts always intrigued me, but especially the Winter Court because I love snow and I also love how close Kallias, Viviane, Rhysand, and Morrigan are (especially Viviane and Mor). I just think it’s so nice that they have other friends in other courts, and again they just seem sweet. 

Juniper Andromeda & Fury Axtar- from Crescent City. We only find out that they are a couple near the end, but from the few times we see them together, I think Juniper and Fury are adorable. Fury is just that super badass bitch that I love to see vulnerable in a couple. I just like seeing that badass girls can still have a very raw and human side, especially when they are with their significant other. Also Juniper was always a favourite minor character throughout the book because she’s such a good friend to Bryce. I can’t wait to see more of them as a couple in the next books!

Next I have people who I want to end up together:

Ruhn Danaan & Hypaxia Enador- from Crescent City. I thought Ruhn and the mediwitch had a great amount of chemistry, and when it was revealed that she was actually the young Queen Hypoxia of the witches, I was so excited! I feel like her and Ruhn will end up together, and because I love Ruhn and just want to see him happy, I think that the two of them as a couple would be great!

Morrigan & Emerie- from ACOTAR (more specifically ACOSF). When Emerie saw Mor in the latest book, I giggled so hard! I think the two of them would be adorable and it’s high time that Mor got a new love interest who will make her happy. (I also really want Emerie to be happy now that I’ve gotten to know her more as a character, and I do think the two of them would work really well together!)

Elain & Lucien // Azriel & Gwyneth- from ACOTAR. This next one I won’t talk a lot about because I’m saving it for the review for ACOSF, but just so you know what side of the debate I’m on, I really do think Lucien and Elain would be good together if Elain gave him a chance, and now since reading the special edition short story about Azriel at the end of ACOSF, I ship Azriel and Gwyn together. (Although I’ll honestly be happy with whoever ends up together as long as all the characters are happy!)

Nyx & Unborn Child of Rowaelin- from ACOTAR and Throne of Glass. I saw this post one day of someone shipping Nyx (Rhys and Feyre’s son), and the unborn daughter of Rowan and Aelin, I fangirled so hard! No matter if Rowan and Aelin have a girl or boy first, I already ship them so hard with Nyx. We already know that Nyx would have been born during the time of the war at the end of Kingdom of Ash (because Aelin fell through the worlds and saw pregnant Feyre and Rhys standing during Winter Solstice) so if Aelin and Rowan had a child not long after, they would be close to the same age, and because of that moving between worlds moment, we know that’s it’s possible for the two kids to meet one day. (Also I have a theory that what happens in the Crescent City books will tie into the possibility of world jumping because it’s already talked about in there how most species in Crescent City came from different worlds, so yay!) I know that this is all just wishful thinking, but I think that would be the cutest thing Nyx being together with Rowaelin’s child! Let me believe what I want to.

9. Nesryn Faliq & Sartaq

This list was so hard to make and I’m sad that these two are so low on it, but I just couldn’t get them any higher! At any rate, I loved these two during Tower of Dawn and when they ended up together I was ecstatic! First of all, I think Sartaq would be an amazing Khagan of the Southern Continent and he’s honestly the only real good one of his siblings. Him and Nesryn leading the Southern Continent will be amazing and I love the way that they bonded over riding the ruks. I do wish that we got to see them even more, but considering all of the characters and storylines, I was still satisfied with the development of their relationship and themselves as characters (just want more content with anything from the Throne of Glass series because I know it’s over and that makes me sad!)

8. Dorian Havilliard & Manon Blackbeak

Next is another couple that I love so much but had to put lower on the list because there are just too many great couples in the Sarah J. Maas universe! I never thought that Dorian and Aelin (or Celaena at the time) would be good together, but was absolutely heartbroken when Sorsha died. BUT that death did lead to so much sexual tensions between Dorian and Manon that it was all worth it! I love these two because, again, it is so nice to see a badass female character also have a loving side, but also seems pretty “dominant” (for a lack of better word) in the relationship. I think Manon and Dorian are so great together, and their banter and cute nicknames (Princeling and Witchling) just gave me life! Even though the end of Kingdom of Ash left me completely shattered, I was very happy that Dorian and Manon still had each other, and I think the two of them will be great monarchs in their separate kingdoms, but also together.

7. Elide Lochan & Lorcan Salvaterre

Another amazing couple from the Throne of Glass series! Even though Lorcan was kind of an asshole when you first met him, when he and Elide had their whole adventure together, I fell in love with the two (especially Lorcan). I love a good “bad” boy “good” girl trope, and Lorcan and Elide were definitely that perfect fit. The way that Lorcan cared so much for Elide while they had to travel together was really cute, and I was so happy to see how Lorcan softened up and Elide became strong as well. It was nice that they still weren’t the typical weak girl, always rescued by the strong Fae. Lorcan and Elide made each other show the world their other sides as well. 

6. Nesta Archeron & Cassian

This couple I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about but most of that will be in my ACOFS review coming soon, but for now I will just say that I LOVE them! We always knew that Nesta and Cassian were probably going to end up together, but still their journey as individuals and a couple was so fantastic to read. The way that the two of them helped each other out in terms of mental health while still being the individually strong characters was so good to see. Their sexual tension was great to read, and I loved the way that their whole story arc developed through the book.

5. Chaol Westfall & Yrene Towers

Again, I loved these two so much probably because they had their own book practically dedicated to them. I loved Chaol in the first two books from the Throne of Glass series, but like most people, I lost that love as the series went on. Going into Tower of Dawn I was really worried that I wasn’t going to like it because of Chaol being the central character, but like always, Sarah J. Maas writes such good redemption and flawed character arcs that it was impossible not to love Chaol again, and the woman who brought the light back to him. Similarly, I really liked Yrene when we first met her in The Assassin’s Blade stories (The Assassin and the Healer), and I was so happy that we got to learn more about her in the whole Tower of Dawn book. The way that Chaol and Yrene went from hating each other to falling in love was done absolutely perfectly, and by Kingdom of Ash when we found out that Yrene was pregnant, I almost threw my book in happiness, I was so excited. This couple is well deserving of the number five spot!

4. Aedion Ashryver & Lysandra

Now we have another favourite couple from the Throne of Glass series (that series is just so big and full of characters, most of the people on this list are from there). I really loved the idea of Aedion and Lysandra from the beginning when we start to see Lysandra play a bigger role in the series. Again, it’s the banter between these two characters that gets me every time, and the way they make fun of each other while also flirting is just so great to read. I was a little worried about what was going to happen to their relationship in Kingdom of Ash, especially since everything was going so well in Empire of Storms and then ended so badly at the end, but knowing that they got married almost immediately after the war was exactly what I needed. Also I LOVED Aedion with Evangeline and all their interactions, which was also why I knew that Aedion had to end up with Lysandra. Every time a kid comes into the picture I feel like I ship that couple just a bit harder. The three of them make the most perfect family. 

3. Bryce Quinlan & Hunt Athalar

I know that technically we don’t know for sure if these two will be endgame, but if they aren’t I will sob and never forgive SJM! I love these two with all my heart and the only reason that they are in number three (and not higher!) is because we only have one book with them. I would not be surprised if they went up higher on my list after the next books come out. First of all, their sexual tension is fabulous. Second, I just adored how they both helped each other health through the book  and how they went through so much together emotionally. I feel like that made the strongest foundation for a relationship, and if that foundation breaks, I think I might just dig myself a hole and stay there. While both are strong characters separately, they are just so much better together! Every scene of them was like magic, and they were the whole reason I could stop reading HOEAB. I need the next books so badly, just because I need to see them together more!

2. Aelin Ashryver Galathynius & Rowan Whitethorn

Finally at the top two, and this decision was probably the hardest one I’ve ever had to make. I love both Rowaelin and Feysand so much, this was impossible to decide, but it came down to the fact that out of every SJM book, A Court of Mist and Fury is my favourite. That book is a f*cking masterpiece and the reason for that is because of Feysand. So Rowaelin is second. Aelin and Rowan are amazing characters individually, but like the reason for all of these favourite couples, the journey that they go on together and help each other through, is what makes them so special and so strong as a couple. Rowan helped Aelin in a way that Chaol or Dorian never could, and Aelin in turn helped Rowan through centuries of pain just because they understood each other so well. The best and strongest part of all these couples is that they became friends first, before going into a romantic relationship (except for Nessian a couple others, but you know what I mean). Being able to create a strong bond before anything physical is so important with these characters, especially helping them get through so much trauma, and ultimately seeing that growth on the page connects you so much more with them as a couple. Seeing these characters go through so much together was really what made me love them to this degree (which is a high degree) which is also why I’m having a hard time believing that their stories are done. I will always need more Rowaelin content. 

1. Feyre Archeron & Rhysand

And now we’re at the top. Like I just said, this was a hard decision, but it also feels so right. Feyre and Rhysand had an amazing development as a couple through the books, and A Court of Mist and Fury is definitely my favourite SJM book precisely because we see their relationship develop. I am beyond happy that we aren’t at the end of the ACOTAR world and we get to see more Feysand in the years and books to come, because I am not ready at all to say goodbye yet. Just thinking of Feyre and Rhys’ lives now (especially with Nyx) brings a smile to my face, and I think that it's amazing how an author and a book can do that. Both Feyre and Rhysand’s characters are so strong and their journeys were so heart wrenching to follow but so worth it at the same time. There is really nothing bad I can say about this couple, besides the fact that I want to thank Sarah J. Maas for writing such great characters, and I can’t wait to see more to come!

Thanks to anyone who read to the end. I know it was a long ramble again. Stay tuned for my ACOSF review coming soon as well.

Until next time!

~Rose Reviews

[echotzzz]

My love, Elain Archeron

When Elain was first introduced in the ACOTAR series, i immediately love her so much i dont know why but i just did and when i knew that she’ll have her own book it makes me feel really happy. But when i came across some people that hate her for her character saying that she is weak and boring it makes me feel really sad as how could anyone hate this kind girl. Elain is potray as kind, sweet, feminine throughout the series from every character perspective thus why readers believe this are the only traits that Elain could give.

I believe there is more in Elain that we havent seen yet and i couldnt wait for it to reveal in her book. Now i want to justify and give my own opinion to some comments regarding Elain these few days and this is my own opinion feel free to correct me.

1. Archeron family poverty period

People kept saying that she doesn not contribute much in puting food on the table and i agree to that. But she contributed in other way that she able such as being the glue of the family. Living in poverty after being in environment that considered luxury is very sad and depressing and she still could put on a smile and being the brightest person thats she is in front of her family. She could have been angry and outspoke about her feeling but instead she bottle up and continue her life the best she could and that is a strength that not everyone could have. The issue about not helping Feyre hunt imo is maybe she was scared and not as brave as Feyre and in this case it is possible (not everyone could be brave ) and she even admitted it and said that she failed Feyre and felt guilty abt it. or maybe she needs to be this girl that are presentable to society that do girly stuff in order to secure the marriage with grayson and in the process could improve her family social status because married to a Lord family is a big thing back then. But after turned fae, we could see that she bcoming more brave eg: stabbing hybern, learn spy stuff and stand for herself no matter what. I think this is the character development sjm wants Elain to potray and we will see more in her book. And one more thing, so what if she want to plant flower instead of vegetables?? to say that she is useless for doing things she loves is bs. what if gardening is her only coping mechanism during the poverty and her source of happiness to survive life in order to not fall apart.

2. Lucien and the mating bond

Some people said that she is a bitch for not saying thank you to Lucien during solstice and WHY IS THAT? she does not owe him anything not even a thank you. what if she felt really uncomfortable with Lucien is because everytime she sees him or if he is around, he could remind her the day she was thrown in the cauldron, the traumatic experience when everything she have was taken from her forcefully eg, humanity, engagement to grayson and Lucien have been part of those process. Maybe to even speak to him make her really uncomfortable that she need to stay far away from him and have the urge to leave when he is in the same room. We will never know what a trauma could do to a person and i hope in her book she will overcome her trauma and have courage to look him in the eye and reject the mating bond bcause SHE HAVE EVERY RIGHT AND SHE IS HER OWN PERSON and no one should accept a bond that is forced to them even irl eg. arranged marriage. I have no hate against Lucien as he have never been cruel to anyone and the hybern act is because he is associated with Tamlin but still . I hope Lucien will not invoke the blood duel and to find the person that could love him unconditionally and that person is not Elain.

The only reason i ship her with Azriel is because SHE WANTS HIM AND HE WANTS HER PERIODTT. I dont know what is the standard for a person to be ‘deserve’ for someone is there a certain criteria that is needed?? Two heart that is lost finally found comfort in each other and in the process grow to be a better person. To be the light in the darkness and be the darkness that could challenge and bring out the most potential in yourself that shit is beautiful and i want to find a partner that do just that. The argument abt ability to produce child, being sexually desire SO WHAT? as long they both want each other in their own will and able bring each other happiness is all that matter. Imagine the joy for both Elain and Azriel when they could be finally together and just thinking abt that makes me wanna support their relationship even more.

So for people that hating Elain for her character is really up to you coz everyone have their own opinion but please give a chance to see other side of her because there are reason for sjm give her only 4 paragraph in each book. Maybe all our assumptions and misunderstanding would be answer when her book come out. I believe we only see like 40% of her and we could see the rest in her own book. Please give Elain a chance and stopp hating on her just because she being herself and spread love within this fandomm. The main message in the ACOTAR is healing, self love, forgiving and accepting others and we as the fans should take those massages in our daily lives as well😘😘

[captainninej]

my literary analysis of a rhysand stan/apologist got deleted, so here it is again bc i'm proud of it lol

lets pick this apart shall we

Before Feyre accepted the mating bond, Rhys was extremely upfront about why he did, what he did UTM. there were no lies or anything.

rhys being upfront about why he did what he did does not change the gravity of his action. a murderer confessing to murder isn't suddenly absolved of their crime - they still killed someone. the same principle applies here. he can be all moany and wishy washy as he likes, but he still did it.

He said 2 important things: the first was "I made the bargain so u wouldn't fuckin die and I needed Amarantha to think that you were my play thing" and the second was "I wanted to make Tamlin angry because he's the reason my sister and mother were slaughtered" and TBH??? Same bitch??

i see this around a lot, that rhys made the bargain with feyre so she would survive. but this falls apart pretty quickly when you start to wonder: how did parading around feyre and drugging her so she vomits and dressing her in pretty much nothing help her survive?? would she have died if he hadn't done that? probably not. none of it was necessary - not the clothes, not the drugging, not the trauma, not the twisting her broken arm. also, rhys didn't do it to save her life - in the same monologue you're talking about, he literally says he made the bargain 'to get back at [tamlin] for my mother and sister, and for...having you.' and that feyre was so hateful of him, somehow this meant he 'knew he had done his job well.' what job???

think about it. why did he need amarantha to believe feyre was his plaything? what did this prove? what did it contribute to freeing them?

If my mama and sister were slaughtered because of you I would literally do anything in my power to make u suffer??? Even if that meant parading your bitch around as my own?? Might I mention that Rhys didn't make Feyre do anything more than dance for him??

umm...

i'm not going to pretend any of us will know how we would act in that situation. but that's another conversation - what matters here is feyre. FEYRE DOESN'T KNOW ANY OF THIS. SHE IS AN INNOCENT THIRD PARTY HERE. regardless of personal history, rhys has no business implicating an innocent HUMAN girl in his beef with tamlin. that's between them, and it does nothing to change the ugliness of how he treated feyre. 'parading your bitch' hi the misogyny is showing

also 'rhys didn't make feyre do anything more than dance for him' and that's okay?? oh as long as it didn't go further than roofying, lap dancing without consent and dressing in cobwebs, it's fine?? i worry for you

Because like if I'm being completely honest I'd probably do worse??

i'm not even sure what to say to that

And Rhys was actually protecting her from more of Amaranthas weird ass punishments?? Like idk guys if you're anti rhys maybe ACOTAR just isn't for you and you can leave it at that.

was he? i would argue going through what rhys put feyre through was a form of punishment in of itself.

also, so if i don't like rhys acotar isn't for me...got it, acotar is for people who think this behaviour is acceptable. i'll make a note to stay away from them and keep them away from young children.

just a tip: when someone picks up a book, especially a popular one like this, they don't know what's in it before they read it. can you imagine a rape survivor reading through these books, seeing what rhys did to feyre, and then have to go through his explanations justifying all of it?? and have feyre forgive him?? what kind of message does that send??

Another point that's brought up a lot within the fandom is "choices" and how Tamlin didn't give Feyre choices, but Rhys did. And while I think that might be a point stressed in the novels, I don't think Feyre falling for Rhys is supremely entwined with "choices". I think what Rhysand gave Feyre more than Tamlin did was a voice and knowledge.

someone saying 'it's your choice' over and over while not giving you a choice doesn't make it any more true. just saying. you can say that rhys gave her knowledge and a voice, but two things: rhys only told feyre what he wanted to if it would serve his own purposes, see: him not telling her that he was using her as bait for the attor in acomaf, him not telling her about the mating bond, him not telling her that her own pregnancy will kill her. and the second: feyre doesn't need to be 'given' a voice. she has one. a voice is not something a woman needs to be given by a man, especially not some 500 year old creepo with a god complex.

Rhysand would tell her straight up, "look I can't tell you this unless you do this" and that's more an ultimatum than a choice. And we can go over the dynamics of ultimatums but Rhysand never bullshitted Feyre (ACOSF isn't canon oops) and ALWAYS heard her out. Rhysand always told her the dynamics of a situation. And more importantly, it was Feyres fuckin decision, and also it's fucking fiction so just be honest and say u don't ship it rather than trying to tank Rhys as a character.

um...and that's better than a choice? the fuck? think of the power in that sentence, that he wouldn't tell her something unless she did something. why does he have the right to withhold information from her?? why does she have to earn it, if they're such a pOwEr cOuPLe? rhysand's entire ARC is bullshitting feyre. he never once apologised for his behaviour. he only justified it while crying into soup. so if you don't want acosf to be canon, you know that rhys bullshitted feyre. you know that hiding medical information from her was a dick move. but it was completely in character for him if you notice the patterns in his behaviour right from the beginning of their relationship.

when did rhys tell her the dynamics of the situation?? when he traumatised her to beef with tamlin when she was human? when he made her agree to a bond for eternity when she was canonically with tamlin and was in no place to say no to the bargain? when he didn't tell her they were mates but told all his friends? when he used her as bait for the attor? when he hid her OWN PREGNANCY INFORMATION from her and told all his friends?

And more importantly, it was Feyres fuckin decision, and also it's fucking fiction so just be honest and say u don't ship it rather than trying to tank Rhys as a character.

you literally just proved yourself wrong in one sentence. 'it's feyre's decision and also it's fucking fiction' my dude you're right feyre is not a real person so you know who's making these decisions? the author. you know what the role of fiction is? to tell a story and spread messages, even unintentionally. people are reading this relationship and are guided to think that it's okay when it is literally textbook abuser behaviour. this shit has consequences. i read these books at 13 and didn't see a flaw in rhys' behaviour because the author told me not to and because i was too young to have any experience with relationships. i'm 19 now and i'm horrified to look back on these books i once loved.

you sound a lot like rhys there, 'it's feyre's choice'. no it wasn't. it was the author's choice to depict the relationship like this. all of us are being honest you fuckwit this is more than not liking a ship, it's pointing out alarming behaviour from a character who is portrayed as a hero.

i don't need to tank rhys as a character. the author and the fandom did it for me.

[anyoneseenadam]

Home: Chapter Seven

azriel x reader (acotar)

summary: (y/n) is a daughter of Persephone, still recovering from the trauma of her fall into Tartarus and doesn’t have time for a stupid, handsome, annoying, stunning, injured man. But now they’re stuck together in the middle of nowhere and there only chance of getting home is if she can heal him, and fast.

warnings: big spoilers for mark of Athena and house of Hades, also for the acotar series, eventual smut, blood, PTSD, graphic descriptions of violence, injuries and torture, enemies to lovers so az is a bit of a dick to start, swearing, 

word count: 3.9k

a/n: I’m entirely writing this to distract myself from the real world but honesty I’m having a great time, I think there will be one more chapter after this one and maybe an epilogue but asides from that, also feel free to message or ask if you want to be tagged :)) anyway enjoy and pls comment and shiz :)

------------------------------------------------------------

Azriel had once joked that you were like an actual flower, needing water and sunlight to use your powers. At the time you had laughed but now as you stood in front of the mirror, wiping the tears from under your eyes, and preparing to walk into the world of all things dead, you understood. The dress you wore was one of the few fancy ones you reserved for the dinners you were often dragged to before your fall. It was lavender, with tulle cascading down your legs from the waist, paired with a tight corset top and tulle off-the-shoulder sleeves. As you sat with a ‘humph’ and started applying your makeup, your stepbrother walked in.

“Well you look cheery,” Nico said, sitting on your bed.

“I look like an evil power puff girl,”

“You look like you are a princess, which you are so my dad is going to be pleased.”

“I really don’t care what he thinks,” you snapped, and Nico help up his hands. He was wearing all black as usual, simple dress pants and a loose black shirt tucked in, his belt matched his rings, and his dark hair and even darker eye bags made him look every bit the Underworld prince. “Sorry, I’m not mad at you,” you said turning back around to carry on with your makeup.

“I know, it’s stressful for you,” he moved to sit next to you, resting his head on your shoulder and you applied eyeliner.

“I don’t wanna get sick again, I have things to do. Plus I’ve got to convince your dad to let me ask for this favour. I just feel like it’s all going to go to shit.”

“I get it, you’ll be fine though. Also I’m pretty sure your mum is going to do anything for you if it means you’ll speak to her again, so she’ll be on your side at least. That’s three vs one.” He nudged you as you put down the eyeliner.

“That’s true.” You bit the inside of your lip and Nico, sensing your worry, changed topic.

“Tell me about Azriel,” He said, and you caught his eye in the mirror.

“Huh?”

“Well I gotta make sure that when you become his problem it will be permanent, I don’t want you coming back,” he joked.

“Fuck you,” you laughed shoving his shoulder and he giggled, rolling onto his back.

“I don’t want to do thisssss,” Nico said in a sing-song voice lying flat on the floor.

“Me neither but I’m not going in alone bitch,” you laughed, starting to feel slightly better. It was moments like this that made you regret pushing your friends away, the thought of seeing them was always scary but when you were with your brother again you remembered why you loved them so much. You assessed your outfit in the mirror and sighed.

“What?” Nico asked, sitting back up.

“This would look really nice with a dark red lip,” you said, biting your lip.

“Do you have one?” he asked, and you nodded. He was quiet for a second before reaching out and ruffling through your makeup, finding your favourite red lipstick. “Do you wanna try?”

“Yeah, but if I cry it’ll mess up my eyeliner.” You said with a shaky laugh. He laughed quietly handing you the lipstick and you looked at him in the mirror, taking in a shuddering breath. You were stronger than this and you could handle it. You closed your eyes for a minute, counting your breaths, before opening the lipstick.

Once it was applied you lifted your chin, staring down the girl in the mirror. Nico grabbed your hand softly and you tore your eyes away, standing and pulling on your shoes.

“Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

--

Azriel was in a shit mood. He was 90% sure that you had cast some sort of spell on him when he was with you, something that made him happy and relaxed, because now that you weren’t here he pretty much wanted to throttle everyone.

Amren had been helping him look for a way to get back to you. The first thing they had tried was winnowing, he pictured your face; your smile, the way your hands felt in his, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t reach you. So they had been scanning books since then, reading up on every theory and myth. Nesta had brought him to speak to Gwyn who had told him about the theory that there could be up to at least 20 other worlds. Amren had also made him talk through every detail about this world he could remember, writing diligent notes as Cassian gave him weird looks when he spoke about Bucky Barnes.

“He’s a character, it’s a simple concept.”

“Yeah but how do you get an emotional connection to a character?”

“Shut up both of you.”

The pain in his chest was only growing as well, and he came to the daunting realisation that if he failed this; if he couldn’t get back to you, or get you back to him, he would probably have to deal with it for the rest of his long, long life.

He felt bad for taking his frustrations out on his family who were just worried about him, but he had never felt this way before. All he could think of was the way your eyes cleared when the realisation dawned on you. The way you had gone from sobs to a different, all-consuming kind of pain, just for a second, your eyes clearing as you realised you might never see him again. He hated himself for not being strong enough to put up a fight, he knew he wasn’t a match for a god, but he should’ve tried, he was too shocked at the time, too heartbroken, but now he was terrified that you might think he gave up on you. He had to get back to you, he was afraid what you might do if you were alone again. If you were alone after having the bond dangled in front of you, only to have it ripped away moments later.

It was almost 3am and everyone else in the house had gone to bed, but Azriel didn’t sleep well normally, and he especially wouldn’t while he was apart from you. He looked up from his book when he heard someone clear their throat, his head whipped up an incredulous smile gracing his features when he saw you sitting there.

“Baby,” he started moving forward but you held your hand up, stopping him.

“Oh that’s just too sweet, you kids are giving me so much content,” you dabbed at your eyes, and Azriel frowned.

“(y/n)? what’s going on?”

“Oh I’m not (y/n) sweetie, but that’s just adorable. My name is Aphrodite, Goddess of love and beauty, I often appear as whoever you find most beautiful.” Azriel’s heart dropped, the brief happiness he felt seeing your face gone as the lady spoke.

“Aphrodite? Hermes mentioned you.” He said, tensing as he realised he was dealing with another god. “In fact he said it was your fault this all happened.”

“Oh Hermes, always blaming someone else. You should be thanking me.”

“And why would I do that.” Azriel knew the look on his face was deadly, but something about seeing a god cower under his gaze was feeding his ego.

“Haven’t you worked out why you can’t travel back to her.” She raised her eyebrows at him, her expressions may be on your face, but as he paid more attention she seemed like a completely different person. “I have the power to move through world’s, you do not. I just thought that poor, sweet girl had been through enough that she should get to meet her soulmate. I waited for you after your mission and then just made you forget and let the two of you fall in love naturally, I mean I get teary eyed thinking about it, you’re just too cute!”

Azriel’s shoulders relaxed slightly, “So why are you here? Are you going to bring her to me?”

“Hmm I could, but I’d get in so much trouble, plus she’s very smart and I want to see if her plan works. You people are so very entertaining.” Her face rippled for a second as she turned, and she briefly looked like Mor, then Elain, then back to you. “But you, poor boy,” He chose to ignore the condescending tone, “You were dealt a very bad hand love wise, so maybe if she doesn’t succeed I could pull a few strings, but I do have a holiday planned so it may be a few decades.”

Her laugh made him feel sick and he glared at her, “What did you say about her plan?”

“Oh yes! She’s going down to the underworld to try find a solution,” Aphrodite was moving around the room gracefully as Azriel sat back down, the weight of Aphrodite’s easy words hitting him. She picked up one of the books laying on the desk and made an unimpressed noise, throwing it back down carelessly.

“That’s where the dead go right?” he asked, silently praying he was wrong,

“Yup! Don’t worry though, her mother lives there too,” she said ‘mother’ with a slight snarl, but Azriel ignored her. “You know I get why she likes you, you’re very pretty aren’t you?” She walked over to him, swaying your hips and he had to remind himself it wasn’t you as she sat down in his lap, forcing his hands to stay clenched at his side. She ran your hand along his jaw, tilting her head with a smile as she stroked his face. Her thumb rested on his bottom lip as he glared at her with murderous rage, trying to reel it in as he remembered she was possibly the only one that could help him.

“Well I guess I better go,” She sighed dramatically then pressed a perfectly polished gold coin into his hand, “Flip this if you need me, emergencies and sex only.” She winked at him, before kissing his cheek and standing, waving seductively before vanishing. Azriel sat for a few minutes, reeling from the interaction he just had. Is this the world I’ve entered now? Gods who can do whatever they want? He wondered if that’s why you avoided talking about the Gods, if maybe growing up with this had made you bitter to them. He wanted to ask you and talk to you about it, or anything for that matter but instead he just pocketed the coin and stood, winnowing to his room, and collapsing on his bed.

--

“Sweetie, you look beautiful,” Your mother cried out as you and Nico arrived, you were leaning heavily on his arm, while surrounded by death, the coldness of a lifeless place seeped into your bones and weakened you, you had learnt as much the first time you visited. You gave your mother a tight-lipped smile and hugged her awkwardly.

“Oh I missed you so much dear,” she stroked your hair, and you fought the urge to roll your eyes.

“You could’ve visited.” It was hard to keep the bitterness out of your voice, after all you had gone through and she hadn’t visited once. A look of shock passed over her face but before she could reply Hades thundered in, his usual outfit, ‘the robes of death and despair’ as you fondly called them, were replaced by a dark suit, his hair slicked back from his face. He came to Persephone’s side and rested a hand around her waist pulling her in slightly, and despite yourself you felt a little jealous of their closeness as your mother looked up at him with doe eyes.

“Nico, my son, how are you?” Hades deep voice silenced the room, the very air seeming to stand still, and Nico flushed red as he was put on the spot. The four of you exchanged pleasantries as you made your way to the ridiculously long table, Hades sat at the head on one side, Persephone on the other, with Nico and you facing each other in the centre. The wood was dark, but the table was covered in all sorts of colourful food and you all helped yourselves while making small talk, only managing to hear your parents due to the eery silence of the room, dead guards not needing to make any noise.

After the first few courses and once you had consumed enough white wine to gain some courage you turned to face your mother.

“Mum, I think I need a favour if that’s okay?” you asked with great caution, extremely aware of the powerful forces surrounding you.

“Well that depends dear. What is it?”

“After the battle and the… fall, I never got my reward remember, I instead asked to be able to come get it when I needed it.”

“Yes of course, I thought that was very smart!” your mother spoke cheerfully but you could feel Hades’ gaze on your back, burning through your skin and bones to the very essence of your soul. “Let me guess, you need it now?”

“If that’s okay, some things have changed recently and I now know what I need,” you smiled at her, “I met a man, well actually he’s a faerie. Aphrodite wanted us to meet because we’re soulmates and after my fall she thought I deserved to see him, but since he’s from another world he had to go back, and we can’t be together.” You wiped away a few stray tears you forced out; this was your game. Your mother didn’t visit you often so she had never seen this side of you, the side that could manipulate even a god into giving you what you wanted. “So I thought, maybe for my reward I could become Fae and be permitted to live with Azriel in his world, and maybe come and visit my friends occasionally?”

“Oh that sounds lovely dear! That’s so alike me, I had to beg my mother and even then she didn’t let me stay here,” your mother rattled on and you smiled at her, but your shoulders were still tense as you knew you hadn’t won yet. You turned to where Hades sat, rubbing his temples.

“I get it. I do. But I really don’t think my brother would allow that, it’s too much.”

“Too much?” you asked, a bitter laugh escaping.

“I understand you went through a lot,”

“Do you?” you couldn’t stop the biting words, “Because the last I checked you both sat and did nothing while I was tortured down there. You could’ve done something, but you didn’t, you made a choice not to, and now I ask for ONE thing, and it’s too much?” Hades’ glare was murderous, but you weren’t going to back down.

“I mean if you really think about it, I’ll be out of your hair if you agree. One less demi-god always seems to be a win for you guys.” Nico said your name in warning, but you slowly stood. “I am not asking for much, I am asking to be allowed to live a life with the man I love and after all I have been through, fighting YOUR battles, I think it’s the least I deserve.”

You held Hades’ gaze for a few more seconds until he spoke. “Are you sure your not a child of Nyx?” he asked, and you grinned, cocking your head to the side.

“Why would that be?”

“You have a pure evil streak in you girl and uncharted power. You better learn to control it, before someone catches on.”

“We won’t have a problem I’m presuming?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” he said gruffly, going back to his meal and you relaxed, moving to hug your mother goodbye, whispering thanks to her, before linking arms with Nico and leaving.

--

The next day you awoke to a golden invitation to Olympus, and you smiled, soon. You’d be with him soon.

--

Olympus looked much nicer since Annabeth had gotten involved. You may have been biased but it seemed to hold a sense of home it never had before, the clinical cleanliness now feeling purer and more loving. The throne room however had remained much the same.

You stood alone in the middle surrounded by the arc of thrones, but you refused to take your eyes of Zeus. You had received a wink from Apollo and a smile from Aphrodite as you walked in but beside that it had been eye contact for at least five minutes. You knew better to speak before you were spoken to but the way they surrounded you and stared down on you was bringing up bad memories and you were really fighting a panic attack.

Seemingly sensing this Apollo cleared his throat, “Perhaps we should start father?” While you were grateful a part of you hated how well the flirtatious god knew you, he was the first to tend to your wounds when you first escaped, healing them enough so you wouldn’t die from blood loss but not enough for anyone to suggest he was picking favourites. His warm hands had provided a sense of comfort you thought you had lost entirely.

Zeus nodded slowly, a letter appearing in his hand, “So these are your terms? Transformation into high Fae, permission to live in a new world with visits back to this one twice a year?” you presumed Hades, or your mother had written the letter, neither of them present currently. You nodded clearly, not entirely trusting your voice.

“I guess it’s only fair, but a full transformation will hurt,”

“I’m sure I can take it.” you lifted your chin, holding your shaking hands tightly in an attempt to conceal them.

Zeus laughed, not taking his eyes of you, “I’m sure you can. Does anyone have any major oppositions?”

Aphrodite raised her hand, “I’d like to add that during her transformation, her womb changes shape so she may birth Illyrian children.” You shot her a grateful look, still not entirely sure why she was suddenly so invested in ensuring your happiness, but you wouldn’t complain.

Hera was the next to speak and you fought the urge to roll your eyes, “Why is she getting special treatment again? What did she do that was so different?”

“She was tortured for days!” Athena exclaimed,

“So?” Ares now.

“She was a child, it was brutal.” Apollo jumped to your aid and soon the chamber was filled with shouting voices as they argued over your fate.

“SILENCE.” Zeus quieted the room instantly and every eye turned to him, but he remained focused on you, “Well then? Answer the question girl, what makes you so special?”

You thought for a second before answering, “I don’t consider it special treatment. After the battles I’ve fought and the pain I’ve endured to help your causes, I’d consider it a form of retirement.” You kept Zeus’ gaze and let a streak of the evil Hades had warned you off show, smiling when his smug smile disappeared. He waved his hand, “Very well then, High Fae with altered womb and permission to live in their world and visit our occasionally, that is all?”

You nodded and he assessed you before holding out his hand, his gaze darkening. You furrowed your eyebrows as your limbs started to tingle before pain took over your entire body.

--

You had felt pain so many times before, pain that left more than just physical trauma, but this was different. You felt as if your blood had become fire and every bone was breaking as new ones reformed. You didn’t have any sense of time or place, all you could feel was pain. At one point you thought it was over only to open your eyes, feeling impossibly soft sheets beneath you, and see Apollo hovering over you, sweat dripping from his brow as he took some of the pain away, even for just a moment.

When you finally awoke you were on the ground. You stood up quickly, almost knocking yourself over as your movement were much faster than usual. You were outside a glowing city, it didn’t have skyscrapers like New York, but it was so comforting to look at you felt yourself being drawn in. As you crossed the border however, a beautiful man with dark hair appeared, his eyes narrowing.

“Who are you and why are you trying to get in here?” A shot of fear went through you as you felt his magic, it was thick in the air and powerful.

“I’m not going to hurt anyone, I’m just looking for someone,” you explained, swallowing down the lump in your throat. The handsome man’s gaze turned vacant before softening after a moment.

“I apologise, I’m Rhysand. Let me help you find whoever it is, what’s their name?”

“That’s okay, really. His name is Azriel, but I don’t think he’s expecting me.” Rhysand stopped, his head turning towards you, “what is it?” you asked.

“(y/n)?”

“How do you know my name?” you stepped back but he held out his hands,

“No, no I’m Az’s brother, let me take you to him.” he grabbed your arm softly and suddenly you were standing in a warm room facing Azriel. You felt tears fill your eyes as you stared at him, he uttered your name in question and you nodded running into his arms, completely engulfed by his scent, tears of joy running down your face when you suddenly realised something, pulling away.

“Did you say brother?” you turned to Rhysand, feeling all the plants in the air respond to your calls, when Azriel tugged you back to him.

“Not biological don’t worry.” He whispered and Rhysand laughed.

“I like her.”

“Hmm I was two seconds away from castrating you,” His eyes widened slightly and you laughed, turning back to Azriel as he looked over you.

“How- you, you’re Fae?” His eyes were filled with worry again, afraid he was being tricked.

“I never got my reward remember, I knew I would need it in the future,” you smiled at him as he cupped your face and leaned down to kiss you. You pulled apart, Azriel growling when you heard catcalls, turning, and seeing the room had practically filled. A shot of fear went through you as your eyes landed on another man who had red siphons, and Azriel followed your gaze, a hand stroking your face in reassurance.

“So this must be (y/n), welcome to our home, I’m Feyre,” A beautiful woman stepped forward and clasped your hand in hers, which you noted were stained from paint. Everyone else soon made introductions and they urged you to sit as you found out about this makeshift family Azriel was in.

“Oh! That’ll be Nyx, I’ll go,” Feyre said when a baby started crying in the distance,

“Wait what did she say the babies name was?” You asked, holding in a laugh.

“Nyx?” Rhys said,

“Oh, course, cool cool cool,”

“What?” Azriel asked, looking at you strangely.

“I’ve kind of met her,”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, she’s like the evilest deity there is, and she did not like me,” Rhysand stared at you with a look of shock on his face, but before anyone said anything else, Amren was laughing loudly.

“You must tell me all about these Gods girl.”

--------------------------------------------------

tags: @tastedlikedamnation

[foxybananaaaz]

I’m going to make a post, and it’s going to be one of those “Defending Nesta Archeron” posts. But I’m going to go about it in a way that will hopefully help the anti’s understand a bit more why the “Nesta Stans” feel she deserves better. But I’m not going to coddle her, and lift her on a pedestal either.

Also, this is going to be a REALLY LONG POST. Also also, I am NOT a Nesta Anti. Nesta is my favourite character and why will be explained at the end of this long post.

I’m going to start off by saying that, the anti’s are correct in stating that Nesta is not a “good” character in the fact thats she is a bitch. She isn’t nice, she has a lot to make up for and make right. But I feel like the arguments the anti’s use, they don’t try to understand why Nesta is the way she is.

I want to start in the first thing Nesta does in the series that gets hate. Letting Feyre, her younger sister, solely provide for the family. As well as having such anger at Feyre despite Feyre keeping her family alive.

This is the first reason of many, that would make the ACOTAR books so much better if it were not in first person, because we never fully get Nestas thought process and reasoning.

There is such a small amount to go off, to try and understand Nestas thought process. Feyre even flat out asked Nesta why, and Nesta was fully prepared to answer, before getting interrupted by (I think) the two ravens Hybern sent to capture Nesta.

But what we DID get was that Nesta was waiting for their father to step up and provide for his children, keep his children alive, and waiting for him so long, that by the time Feyre finally took action, Nesta had so much hate for their father for not doing anything that she also resented Feyre for stepping in, and letting their father get off with doing nothing.

This isn’t a good enough reason to be a bitch to Feyre, and I understand that. But we don’t even know the whole story from Nestas side, because again, just as she was about to explain and answer Feyre, they got interrupted.

But even then, after a point, if, or when Nesta did come to, and realize that Feyre should NOT be the one to provide for the family, and put her foot down and stop Feyre, it would ultimately be worse for the Archeron family, because by then, Nesta has no survival skills, hunting skills, or any skills to provide for the family, so it would be more beneficial to let Feyre keep going out to provide and keep the family alive, which could be another reason Nesta comes off so bitchy at the start. Because she would know that there’s nothing she could do, and she needs to rely on letting her youngest sister go out. People also use this as a reason to hate Nesta, yet I don’t see people holding Elain with the same weight of this crime, as she ALSO let her younger sister go out to provide for the family. But this post isn’t about Elain. People also seem to gloss over the fact that Feyre herself starts the process of forgiving Nesta when Tamlin sends her back home in A Court of Thorns and Roses, and Nesta and Feyre end up talking.

Moving on to Nestas “sins” in A Court of Mist and Fury. This is another instance that shows that these books are lacking because of the first person limitations. Because being stuck in Feyre’s head, we know how crucial it is at this point that Feyre and the Inner Circle have that place in the Human Lands to meet with the Human Queens. We know what’s at stake. Nesta, does not.

And Nesta has every right to be cautious and wary of letting Feyre and the Inner Circle use her estate, because she grew up hearing the legends(albeit false) of the fae, and grew up hating the fae. Hell, even FEYRE grew up the same way, and we see this in just how long it takes for her to truly and fully open up and warm up to Tamlin and Lucien and the other fae in the Spring Court in the first book. Nesta, at that point, had every right to be hesitant.

Once this bump is passed over, Nesta even has her guests question her, and not kindly. Cassian at this point only knows what was told to him by Feyre and Rhys, and not the whole story, and jumps on Nesta the first chance presented for allowing Feyre to provide for the family.

Even with Wings and Embers, when, for the first time, we get to look through eyes that are not Feyre’s we see that it is Cassian instigating any tention between the two. While I love Wings and Embers, and the chemistry between Cassian and Nesta, you can’t say that Nesta starts any of their arguments. Though I may be wrong, but Nesta only ever responds to Cassian intently instigating her. She never comes to play nicely or fairly. But she only ever gives as good as she gets.

And Nestas hesitance, wariness, and caution against fae is proved, at the end of Mist and Fury, when her and Elain are kidnapped in the middle of the night, and forced into the cauldron, as a move against Feyre.

Moving on now to A Court of Wings and Ruin, you can’t deny that Nesta starts a redemption, albeit a small one, but it’s there. Just as the growth of forgiveness in Feyre’s heart.

You can’t deny it, especially when Nesta steps up, and actively helps, when she honestly has every reason to say no, and be done with it, and go on with her new Fae life. No one would have grounds to blame Nesta if she refused to help. But she didn’t. She agreed to train with Amren in figuring out her powers so she can find the hole in the wall, and close it. She agreed to go to the Court of Nightmares with Amren for this same reason. She came around and agreed to go to the meeting of the High Lords, and tell her story, after initially saying No. After the wall came down, she agreed to go with the Inner Circle to play her part in nullifying the cauldron. It was HER idea to lead the King of Hybern away from the cauldron so Feyre and Amren could do their thing with the cauldron. She is the one to cover Cassians body with her own against Hybern, despite Cassian telling her to run, she stays there, believing she will die. And when Elain stabs Hybern in the throat, Nesta is the one who ultimately finishes him off, cutting his head off all together.

You can not say that Nesta did not start her redemption in Wings and Ruin, because despite everything that’s happened, and having every viable reason to say no, and live her life, she does choose to help. Which is why reading about Nesta in Frost and Starlight is so heartbreaking and infuriating.

A Court of Frost and Starlight, I believe is the very book that so many people build their hate for Nesta on. She’s a bitch. She’s cold hearted. She’s distanced herself. She uses Rhys and Feyre’s money to feed her alcohol addiction. She has taken everything she’s built up towards in Wings and Ruin, and knocked it down.

To you I say, the reason is trauma. We learn in Wings and Embers that Nesta was sexually assaulted by Thomas. In Wings and Ruin, we learn that, because of the end of Mist and Fury, Nesta can’t take a normal bath because she’s brought back to the events of the Cauldron, and now in Frost and Starlight, we learn that Nesta can’t have a fire. She lives in the freezing cold in winter, because she can’t light a fire, because all she hears in the fire is her fathers neck being snapped right in front of her. This is not even mentioning the trauma of losing her mother at a young age, or having her father become a cripple and refuse to provide for his children. Nesta has so much trauma.

Nesta does not heal in the same way her sisters do. Nesta is pushing everyone away, because realistically, there’s no one who would stand by her side before anyone else’s. And why should Nesta keep the Inner Circle close when she is clearly the black sheep?

The only one to show Nesta any kind of respect is Amren, and that’s pushing it. And as much as I want to say Cassian does as well, I truly can’t, given that most, if not all, of their arguments were instigated by him. And to have him flat out tell her “Your sisters love you, but I don’t know why” or whatever the quote is, when all Nesta was doing was telling Cassian to go home, that she did not want his gift. This would also further show reason in her distancing herself.

Rhys makes no effort in hiding the fact that he doesn’t really like Nesta for letting Feyre be the one to provide for her family. Mor starts acting like a straight up bitch to Nesta in Wings and Ruin when Nesta actively starts showing concern and worry for Cassian. And you can say that it is because Mor is protective of Cassian and doesn’t want him hurt, but Mor goes out of her way to let her negative feelings towards Nesta known, even when Cassian isn’t around. Azriel and Feyre actually will use Nesta(and Cassian I guess) as the butt of the joke, when Azriel swoops in to “save” Feyre(for flight training) from Cassian and Nesta tension. Even Elain isn’t there to be a support for Nesta during Wings and Ruin, but I won’t blame her for it, because she’s also going through her own issues.

The reason I brought that all up, is to bring light to the fact that Nesta probably feels like she will be invalidated in her trauma with the Inner Circle. Nesta probably feels like they will not care, and thus pushes herself away, before that pain is added on. Nesta probably feels as if she truly has no one to turn to with her own traumas.

Nesta has trauma, and she’s dealing with it in her own ways. Are her ways the right ways to deal with trauma? Hell no. Not even close. And she probably knows this. She probably sees two paths of dealing before her. The right path, and the wrong path.

Here’s the thing though. Here’s the sad reality. So many people in our own world have so many traumas, and take that wrong path. So many people who have traumas, see the two paths before them, knowing which ones right and wrong, yet CHOOSE to take the wrong path to deal with their traumas because it’s easier. It’s not right. It’s easier. So many people, take their traumas and ALLOW it to shape them for the worse. Nesta Archeron, is one of those people.

The way Wings and Ruin ended left hope for Nesta to have a “happy” healing process. And I use the word “happy” extremely loosely there. Because Healing is not happy. It’s just made easier when you allow yourself to be surrounded by love and support. But SJM clearly didn’t choose that path for Nesta. The sneak peak at A Court of Silver Flames at the END of Frost and Starlight shows that SJM has a different healing path planned for Nesta and has from the beginning of Frost and Starlight I believe.

Nesta is my favourite character because the way she’s written, especially in Frost and Starlight, makes her one of the most realistic and human characters in the entire series, and the way she handles her trauma, proves that. I am excited to see her healing journey in A Court of Silver Flames.

Nesta is a bitch. She pushed everyone away. She let her trauma shape her for the worse. She has a whole lot to make up for, apologize for, and be held accountable to. But she needs to be given the chance to do so, before people write her off as an unforgivable character.

At the beginning of this post, I said it would be a long one, and it truly is. But despite everything I’ve said in this post, this next paragraph is where I will end this post. It is also the most important paragraph of the entire post, without question, so read it and understand it.

Trauma does NOT and should NEVER be an EXCUSE for shitty behaviour. There is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON to allow it to excuse shitty behaviour. That being said, it can, and often does EXPLAIN why said shitty behaviour is shitty. Excuse and Explain are two completely different words with very different meanings. So do not let the explanation of shitty behaviour EXCUSE said shitty behaviour.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading.

[highqueenofelfhame]

acowar reread thread

so i think i’ll update this post every few chapters unless anything super major happens that i want to immediately react to, that way you get my commentary but i’m not totally flooding and flooding and flooding your feed with a super super long post. i think i’m going to edit it under the cut and reblog it every time it gets updated and i’ll also number every update so it’s easy to find where i left off. if you guys prefer the other way i’ll transition back to the other way for acofas.) this is super fun i’ll start doing this for more books if you’re interested, including books i read for the first time. (after acofas, crescent city is next and it’ll be my first time reading it!)

UPDATES UNDER THE CUT.

1) chapters 1-5 I’ve read up through chapter five and so far my favorite thing is just how DONE feyre is with literally everyone in the spring court. the amount of times she’s had to like look away and not roll her eyes is just hilarious, her dry inner monologue, she just made a comment about having to remind herself to laugh and not strangle tamlin while they were dancing at the summer solstice and it just is so funny to me. 

i miss rhys. but the few times they’ve spoken through the bond is enough to tide me over. he told her he loved her once and i sighed out loud. i’m such trash for this bitch. 

feyre hijacking the summer solstice ceremony is COMEDIC GOLD. like you kNOW ianthe was fuming and furious and trying to save face the best she could but like hats off to feyre man. her character development from book one to where we’re at in book three is fantastic. she’s not a simpering little girl anymore, she’s a bad bitch and she kNOWS she’s a bad bitch and it’s just.. fucking great. 

i also, as much as i don’t want to, feel for lucien A LOT. i think a lot of his behavior is heavily influenced by how he’s been treated by tamlin for most of his life and i feel genuine remorse from him and the fact that he can like tell something is up but isn’t saying anything just shows, to me anyway, how much remorse he’s genuinely feeling. 

also alis knowing that something is up is just a testament to how attentive she is as a faerie and a friend and i really love that about her.

“I was the nightmare” YAS BITCH. FUCKIN YAASSS.

2) chapters 6-10 feyre is so goddamn clever. the entire time she’s bringing down the spring court she’s witty and fierce and clever and really just iS THAT BITCH, HUH? 

i don’t like jurian but the fact that he still has compassion within himself for his kind despite being literally insane for being just AWAKE and aware for like 500 years is... nice and pleasantly surprising because i feel like you wouldn’t think that of him being that he’s siding with hybern so that he thanked feyre when she tried to get the children of the blessed out of there... i don’t know why i’m bringing this up, it’s just something that stuck out to me and that jurian also vouches (to feyre) about rhysand’s character and how decent of a person he found him to be. it’s just very interesting and i feel like speaks leaps and bounds about rhysand as a person. 

feyre pushing tamlin to explode again... just CHEF KISS. like she really thought of everything. she thought of everything to internally make his sentries doubt him and then completely hate them by orchestrating the ianthe vs sentry debacle. she made herself seem very compassionate and kind and and showed tamlin and ianthe for what they were by doing genuinely so little. like all she did was make them show their true colors on their own and it didn’t take tOO much manipulation. idk feyre is just incredible in the spring court. 

forcing ianthe to hurt herself and molding her mind to make her think she’s always afraid is so much better than just outright killing her.. (if i remember from my last read, it doesn’t hold up, but the thought is there and it’s genius) I also think that this shows a lot about feyre and her character because despite everything she couldn’t just leave lucien alone with ianthe and the unwanted advances. she stayed and fought for her friend (and by extension her mate) even when lucien wouldn’t really fight for her and so feyre is just a fuckin real one like... she’s the kind of friend that you want in your corner. 

killing the hybern twins: glorious. such badassery from lucien and feyre both. 

and i think it’s nice that she let lucien come along with her on her journey back to the night court despite maybe not wanting to but i also think that she knew if she left him behind he could get in serious trouble or wind up dead and so again, i think it says a lot about her character as a person. 

3) chapters 11-15 i’m kind of reading and recapping every 50 pages or so which typically ends up being 4-5 chapters and it’s a good system so far so we’re gonna keep it up! 

the first thing of like, real substance to comment on is lucien saying his father will kill feyre for wielding his power but feyre just responding with “he can get in line.” like her sass is sO GOOD In this book, especially in the spring court chapters.

uhhh big fuck you to eris, i don’t know why people want him to have a redemption arc, he is literally a fat sack of shit that deserves to burn and i’m not sorry for saying so. he’s abusive and cruel and doesn’t deserve like, anything at all. although i will say good on him for balking a bit when feyre revealed she’s high lady. 

CASSIAN AND AZRIEL SUPERHERO LANDING ON THE ICE AND KICKING ASS!! I remember vividly the relief i felt when cassian showed up and was able to fly and i still felt so much victory when it happened again. it’s one of my favorite moments of the book so far and just really gets me. also feyre just dropping the “I’m high lady of the night court” bomb is DELICIOUS and i can’t get enough. i read it like six times. because you know as soon as the illyrians yielded to her that the autumn bitches were like “shit.”

“My love.” kILLS ME. you guys, i’ve only read this book once but i’ve reread their reuniting multiple times because it’s just so soft. rhys is so goddamn soft. he loves her so fucking much. i want rhys to call me my love and lick my tears away. goddamn. 

something i think about a lot is how in acotar when tamlin had feyre alone after months of torture he just tried to fuck her despite knowing things weren’t safe. however, knowing she was home and safe, rhys didn’t try for that immediately. like yes, they kissed, but there was so much conversation before they fucked that it just, says a lot about their relationship. tamlin also always demanded to know everything about feyre’s visits as soon as she was back, not even bothering to kiss her hello but rhys was like ‘that shit can wait’ AND THEY’RE ABOUT TO GO TO WAR. rhys loves her so wholly that he wanted to make sure she was okay before he ever bothered to ask about the spring court and how everything unfolded the last few weeks. idk i’m trash for rhysand, y’all. let’s make that a shirt.

the way that rhys threatens lucien, “i won’t bother to explain it again, and i will rip out your fucking throat.” is so sexy. like how casual it was, so sexy.#ripmythroatoutrhysand

amren being a bedtime story but irl is just a cranky aunt lmao.

nesta’s ferocity is, yes, frustrating, but also so heartbreaking to me. for a very long time i had a really rough relationship with my sister and i can see my own sister in nesta (who, by the way, would murder me if she found out i said this so, kara, if u see this, i love u endlessly and i love nesta with my whole heart) especially nesta’s behavior more so in acofas which i’ll talk more about when we get there. but i just, i feel for her man. she’s been traumatized and life as she knows it has been ripped away from her and some people respond to trauma with bite. and i know it doesn’t make it right or okay but it still just makes me feel for her.

cassian and nesta’s banter just gODDAMMIT SLAYS ME. i cannot wait for an entire fucking book of this shit and an entire book of their back and forth. i think nesta loves him and doesn’t know what to do with it because she’s scared so she’s acting like a cornered animal. like nesta is a snake that will strike when cornered and threatened and i just god i can’t wait for their book. 

elain... broke my heart a lot more than i remembered. as someone in the midst of my worst depression i find myself able to relate to that hollow and empty feeling like...all too well and it struck a cord and i almost cried at how empty she was. 

4) chapters 16-29 there is the whole meeting at amren’s apartment and cassian defends nesta, saying that he understands her actions, her snark, why she is the way she is, and it just honestly reinforces my love for cassian. i don’t have much to say about it but that i just really love the respect that he has for others. more cassian things: feyre brings up again how even broken and literally bleeding out and on the ground with his wings completely shredded he was still crawling toward nesta and reaching for her and trying to get to her. “because i can’t stay away.” fucking cracks my heart open every time. 

i love everything about the first family dinner back together. i love all the banter, i love that nesta sat in and even contributed to dinner conversation a little bit. lucien being so uncertain of the dynamic is hilarious. amren like opening herself up in a way to nesta and telling her that they’re the same, and to make sure her eruption is felt across worlds, i love it. i’m marking a lot more from amren than i thought i would. cassian at one point, he points to az and says “don’t try to blend into the shadows” and it actually made me chuckle to myself because hE DOES THAT. and it’s funny that cassian calls him on it. 

i don’t think nesta gets enough credit (for like anything, we all been knew i’m a slut for her and stan her with my life) but even as broken and angry as she was she did still offer to help explore magic that she doesn’t want and got as a result of trauma so that she can try to help. she isn’t completely useless. and i like that she has backbone and isn’t just a pushover little bitch. (that isn’t directed toward elain. like i previously mentioned, i’m finding that i relate a lot to her in her current state.) i just mean that i’m glad she sticks up for herself and doesn’t just like, do what people tell her to do. ya know?

rhys being so open to feyre pushing back on him about things like, again man. tamlin erupted and got angry, rhys is like “hell, i deserved it.” just, the differences in their relationships and the toxicity that comes from tamlin and the devotion rhys has for feyre is (say it with me) DELICIOUS.

i also like that just because feyre is high lady that the IC doesn’t just like flop over and bend down and take shit (i’m looking at you, spring court.) like cassian isn’t afraid to be like “you pissed me off by sacrificing yourself.” because he cares. LIKE, AGAIN WITH HIS DEVOTION. his loyalty is just so pure. it isn’t blind but it is pure and i just, god i love it. 

also everyone forgets that azriel has a dry ass sense of humor and i don’t see any of y’all writing it into your fics. “In order to fly, you’ll need wings” he said drily. IT’S DELICIOUS. dry humor is some of the best. and i like that feyre is learning more and getting to spend more time with him. 

5) chapter 20-27 this one will be a bit of a dump because i accidentally read too much today so far to try to catch up from my lack of reading yesterday so... oops. 

“Let’s see what names you call me when my head is between your legs, Feyre darling.” ugh. i wish a mans would say that to me. not really. i wish rhys would say that to me and only rhys. maybe rowan. or aaron warner. or cassian. or -- you get it. 

amren is SO FUCKING FUNNY without doing it on purpose. like genuinely hilarious. “she’s fine. stubborn as an ass, but as you’re related, i’m not surprised.” rOAST THEM. also amren makes nesta almost smile and she makes her laugh all in the span of like ten seconds AND nesta almost smiles when amren brings up cassian. coincidencE? i tHINK NOT.

again with rhys soothing her nightmares. like god it’s so good i dont even have to say anything else abt it.

feyre realizing that the bone carver is her and rhysand’s son. SO GOOD. like SERIOUSLY SO GOOD. and this doesn’t matter at all rn but i think that rhysand’s son has the potential to be more powerful than even him but that’s a thing to get into for another time.

EVERYTHING THE BONE CARVER SAYS ABOUT NESTA. also that it’s directed at cassian is very interesting and i think the bone carver knows they’re mates. like i wonder if cassian is seeing what feyre sees: his own son. WOULDN’T THAT BE INTERESTING. “How she calls to you.” also the comment about “what did you wake that day in hybern, prince of bastards?” what did cassian wake. the wording here is interesting and i have... a lot of questions. does anyone else just also really fucking enjoy the bone carver as a character? like he’s excellent i’ve never read anything quite like him.

“nothing about nesta could frighten me” UGH MY NESSIAN HEART CAN’T FUCKING TAKE IT.

also cassian stepping it later when nesta is furious with rhysand about the flying. like, one when he sighs and says she’ll never fly again is just... funny and adorable but how nesta was charging for rhys and he casually stepped in front of her and he talked her down. “It was amren’s fault, of course, but no one believed me. and no on dare banish her.” like just babbling a bit to bring her back down to earth. absolutely fascinating and delicious that it worked, wouldn’t you agree? ;)

court of nightmares is always a pleasure. fuck eris. 

also later at the town house when amren and mor and rhys are kinda going at it a bit and cassian gets nesta’s attention and nesta sidles over to him without questioning it... like. god if they aren’t endgame i’ll never read an SJM book ever again and i wholeheartedly mean that.

so i’ve seen the posts about amren being an angel i’m not sure if you guys have but yeah i think that’s a really solid theory. i think she very well could be a biblical angel because she mentioned that according to some they were perfect, that they laid waste to twin cities (sodom & gamorrah if this theory is correct) and she also mentioned yielding her grace and that she would fall. she also says she was a messenger and soldier assassin for a wrathful god ruling a young world and all of that, in my opinion, lines up with a lot of what is in the bible and what christians believe to be true. so i really really like this theory, i doubt it will ever be outright confirmed, but i think this is going to be my canon tbh. 

elain is.... out of her mind. it’s fucking weird everything she says is so cryptic and odd. like it’s just weird. i don’t think she’s insane and i can’t remember exactly where elain’s storyline goes in this book but like... rn it’s just weird and cryptic and a little unsettling and also interesting that she only really responds directly to azriel because everyone else she kinda ignores but she talks to him. interesting. 

6) chapters 28-49 clearly i accidentally read A LOT so we have a lOT Of ground to cover. 

NESTA WAS TOTALLY CHECKING CASSIAN OUT AND THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT.

azriel has fucking jokes, man. page 303 (hardcover us edition)  “That pine tree wasn’t there a moment ago.” “Judging by its size, i’d say it’s been there for ... two hundred years at least.” feyre even notes that he has a dry sense of humor and it comes out more when they’re alone. i can’t get enough of it. i wish he talked more. 

“Cassian finished the muffin, licking his fingers. I could have sworn nesta watched the entire thing with a sidelong glance. He grinned at her as if he knew it too.” i just love nessian so much i’m going to point out all of their cute reactions this is turning more into a nessian reaction thread SUE ME.

I think that nesta has a lot of regret and guilt over her life.over how she treated feyre because it comes out when nesta brings up to feyre that she didn’t know she couldn’t read (and again at the high lords meeting when she says they would have starved if it wasn’t for her.) i think she feels deeply and just doesn’t know what to do with it, doesn’t know how to express it. 

When they almost get taken in the library, and cassian gets there and nesta “launches herself at him.” my heart. she was scared and she didn’t care she was just so relieved. like fuck me up that’s the shit i like.

nesta asking where cassian is the moment they get back from the battle in adriata and she was worried and scared for him. later when she does see him i think this is when the mating bond clicks into place. it’s page 398 and she says “You didn’t come to -” and then cuts herself off. they have a really fucking intense moment. cassian takes her hand and laces their fingers and they don’t really say anything for a beat until he says “Next time, emissary, i’ll come say hello.” but his voice is low and rough when he says it. “The world seemed to go utterly still at that interrupted sentence, nothing and no one more so than cassian.” i think this is when it clicks for him. maybe not for nesta but definitely for cassian. 

RHYSAND RIPPING TAMLIN’S ABILITY TO SPEAK AWAY LIKE YES WE STAN A MOTHERFUCKING KING. fuck tamlin. fuck eris. and fuck beron. also nesta defending cassian in the high lords meeting (page 438, because beron calls him a bastard.) again, i’m just saying, she’s defending her fucking mate i can’t deal. feyre also exploding in the meeting and rhys just being like “You’ve proved your point, my love.” SO DELICIOUS. “I made her high lady because i love her. her power was the last thing i considered.” like fucking hELL that is how you treat your woman.

after the meeting, helion being like “You handing eris’s ass to him will be my new fantasy at night, by the way.” DELICIOUS. fucking hilarious. 10/10 recommend helion as a high lord and a mans we love to see it. 

also cassian being so concerned when nesta starts to have that feeling about the cauldron being used before the wall gets shattered.he didn’t doubt her feelings for a second, i mean no one did, but he was completely unyielding when he sensed her fear and immediately looked for any sign of an immediate threat.

nesta saying she’s never worn pants and cassian saying “i have no doubt you’d start a riot if you did.” he’s thinking bout that ass. also cassian giving her a quick lesson in defense before they yeet off to the human lands to see graysen and his family. IDK I REALLY LOVE NESSIAN OKAY?!

7) chapter 50-the end. i accidentally finished the book. oops. 

super intersted in nesta’s powers and if she is a witch. i can’t remember acofas at all and if nesta’s powers manifest in that book but i’m eager to see if the fracturing of the cauldron didn’t effect whatever powers she took from it. i think that could also be part of what ultimately is wrong with her on top of all the trauma. 

nesta helping cassian after that first battle when his wrist is hurt. she didn’t take no for an answer and helped him and it was just really soft until mor showed up and cassian pulled his hand away. i’m conflicted about what it means to be totally honest. what it means for his feelings for nesta and what it means where mor is concerned. i don’t love how morrigan treats nesta and cassian’s... relationship? but i don’t dislike mor. i think she’s dealing and coping and has her reasons that we will likely find out about. 

“Only you can decide what breaks you” is something i’d like to get tattooed. i dont really have anything else to add to it. 

i was sobbing during rhys’s battle speech to everyone. i dont rlly have anything else to say about it other than i’m emo. 

nesta saving cassian. again i don’t have shit to say about it other than like it makes me so emotional.  she just started blinding screaming, hoping that he would come. i can’t even begin to think what his death would have done to her.

the bone carver smiling at feyre before he did hits a very specific piece of my heart and i’m not sure why or what but i had chills all over my body. 

cassian telling rhys to let him return the favor/repay the debt. HURT. another thing i cried over. like shut the fuck cassian AIN’T NOBODY DYIN TODAY. 

tHE Nessian moment to end all nessian moments when they would die together. like big fucking wow. you can’t tell me they’re not mates. that they don’t love each other despite how complicated all of it is. like cassian is so soft in the most unique way for her because he knows she bites and he lets her and he bites back and i just think it’s what he needs.

“tell the high lord to leave out a cup for me” AMREN SHUT UP. like fucking christ i teared up then too because i really really love her character. she’s unique and funny and dry and cranky and i just love her so much. 

i’m tired of rhys sacrificing himself. there, i said it. i cried like a fucking baby and of course he woke up being a snarky little shit.

i love the end of this book. i don’t know what i’ll do with myself until january when the next one comes out. i’ll probably go back to the other format for my next read through because it’s easier and less longwinded and i think you guys liked the other way better. anywho, thank you for coming along on this lil journey!!