#i love making characters huge but god damn it's a struggle trying to draw them to scale

[fablegaze]

[sugar-petals]

SuperM Fluff & NSFW Notes

↳ 🌹aka some of their romantic antics plus random 18+ imagines 👋

warnings ⚠️ rated (super) m, boyfriends hc, porn mentions, partial fem!reader, sex toys

FLUFF

since baekhyun knows how to make scented candles, he creates one for you as a birthday present with your favorite fragrances.

every entry in mark’s diary involves fond thoughts about you.

taemin kisses you more than his cat kkoongie on a daily basis so let that sink in. his smooch obsession is getting out of hand.

lucas, having giant fingers after all, learns how to knit in order to make you a warm scarf. he’s still a bit clumsy with it and had to call kun for advice, but the result is surprisingly proper and quickly becomes your favorite item. it’s a little huge but well, he thinks in his dimensions. lucas’ next project is a beanie.

ten overwhelms you with pet names. in fact, he seemingly seems to come up with a new one each day.

kai is a candlelight dinner, rose petals and music kinda guy. he does every old-school thing in the book.

taeyong can cuddle endlessly in bed. he just doesn’t wanna leave.

lucas gladly shares his sweaters. they’re ginormous so, perfect cuddle material.

baekhyun is already a fool. so — when he falls in love, he becomes an even bigger fool. or, the contrary happens: he becomes dead silent around his partner because he’s so enthralled. he can take this more seriously than you think.

mark likes to write little cards and many many texts to express his love.

lucas is the type who can help you put on your jeans when they were shrinking a bit too much in the dryer. he’s pretty sexy like that and things can get really touchy.

cheesy fucking kai, and there’s only one guy who would do this, has actually lowered himself over a puddle once so you would have a bridge. brushed it off like a daily workout rep.

not one shower missed without baekhyun joining you. yes, it’s not always sexy time, he likes it when you shampoo his hair and whisper sweet nothings. and obviously: it’ll all devolve to a laughing fit.

taeyong is the type who wants to be proposed to.

taemin will get a motorcycle license and take you for a frequent ride. he loves getting those kind of back hugs.

both ten and lucas are great at making bracelets. wayv’s dorm is fully equipped with charms, strings, and pearls, so expect matching ones for you.

we’ve seen it, that one’s his favorite move. kai wraps his hand around your shoulder when you walk together.

mark will ALWAYS share his melon.

making you swoon on a DVD evening is lucas’ favorite hobby. he will buy you the most sugary-sweet romance movies. he will often browse streaming sites to select the latest sentimental plots. all these dramas seem to have a male lead who is suspiciously tall and lanky.

if you allow him, taeyong customizes your white tees with his cute drawings.

since taemin swims in money thanks to his profession as the god of kpop (yes, this is a registered job name because i say so), he can fulfill you any wish. he’s stingy and pouty when the shinee hyungs can pay, and the motherfucker baekhyun is even richer since his albums have been taking off so he opens his mochi wallet when superm is gathered, but you... are a different case. taemin will humbly empty his entire pockets when he overhears you gushing over something. there’s a voice in his mind going: must splurge!!

mark loves christmas, you establish an annual tradition to stage a whole couple evening.

baekhyun likes to play charades and especially do karaoke with you. he’s always cutely wiggling his butt and dances like a drunk uncle. he hits the high notes anyway and makes sure you score 100 points.

taeyong can make out with you while at the same time making sure that the milk doesn’t get burned on the stove. kiss’n’stirr multitask tyong alert. gotta make sure the cocoa is served in time, you know.

all the members enjoy playing board games. yep, imagine the fun and sheer chaos.

lucas has the funniest laugh ever indeed. he’ll react to all your jokes, no matter how lame they might be. intensely reassuring.

taemin’s hand is basically glued to yours.

taeyong and mark are the kinds of boyfriends that spoil their partner with skincare. fancy a nice face massage with a nice fragrant oil?

baekhyun has been baking heart-shaped pizzas ever since you started dating. he just can’t make them round anymore.

mark will join you on anything you’re currently bingewatching. 

kai sometimes — only half-jokingly — goes down on both knees bowing forward with his hands on the ground just to show how much he wants to thank you. in case you didn’t notice: this guy treats you like a deity.

ten usually gets confused glances from the other members whenever he gets the current date wrong: he simply loses track of time with you.

lucas makes a habit of buying you flowers every other week. but on unpredictable occasions, and he arranges them in places you’d never expect.

taemin will build you a weird-looking snowman to make you laugh, and give it an even stranger name. ten will build one that looks like you. kai doesn’t build snowmen, he just stands there challenging you to throw snow balls at him.

mark will hang out with you at the beach constantly bringing his guitar. he’ll serenade you all the time.

returning from three months of touring, baekhyun has once climbed your balcony when your parents were in the other room. yep, he was that desperate to see you. somebody give this man a rope and helmet.

taeyong writes down heartfelt confessions on 365 folded slips of paper so you can open one every day. your reactions will range from ‘awwh!’ to straight-up tears.

ten does regular couple yoga with you. a mildly challenging form, not the circus acrobat version. he’ll do the difficult parts anyway. you can pretzel this guy up, he’ll do anything to make you laugh.

when it rains you hook your arm around his, and lucas always holds the umbrella. even the wildest gush of wind can’t make it turn inside out. you arrive home entirely dry. xuxi is so cute, he’s also a great source of cooling shadow in the summer without even trying.

taemin’s skinship overdrive doesn’t stop with endless hand-holding, back hugs and kisses. he wants to lay down in your lap whenever he can. he looks damn pretty with his hair splaying there. if you work on your laptop, you can pretty much count to ten and he’s already nestled there.

kai does pushups with you on his back. it’s a staple. each time he does one, he says ‘i love you’. he increases his count every day.

NSFW

it’s no secret that taeyong is great at acting or pulling off any outfit and costume. expect roleplay of the finest kind — literally. he looks good in a firefighter uniform. you’ll be burning up pretty much automatically.

taemin can’t keep his tongue in. it’s terrible. he’s always in the mood for head. his sloppy noises are the absolute worst, it turns you on way too fast.

lucas had some major problems finding condoms that fit him.

ten and taemin are so switchy, they have an unresolved power struggle going on. begs for a dominant third party to help them out.

kai owns expensive latex gear.

baekhyun may be the king of vocals and breath technique, but if you push him far enough he does get hoarse.

taemin often jokes how kai will one day break his dick from fucking too hard.

meanwhile, mark’s dick is already falling off – from fucking too often. this guy has some major hormones going for him. no surprise, a guy who can promote in four kpop groups at the same time is a stamina king.

taeyong likes eating pussy with another party involved. three’s a crowd my friend. sometimes it’s taemin who unleashes his spit waterfall power, sometimes it’s baekhyun who preoccupies himself with nibbling at the inner thigh while taeyong digs in.

taemin owns the most underwear.

mark takes valerian drops because he is so nervous in bed. it never really goes away, it’s his nature.

taeyong keeps a lube collection. a different flavor for all occasions. he likes associating certain scents with specific body parts.

kai has a heels kink. he literally goes wild over it.

taemin likes to have sex with favorite glasses on.

taeyong and kai are the most likely to cry during sex. baekhyun as well if you rough him up enough. 

mark gets rock hard the fastest, followed by kai. he’s a grower.

taeyong gets the best inspiration for a song when he gets a casual dick riding.

taemin watches extremely x-rated erotic thrillers and bdsm flicks that are heavy on the plot. he gets more invested in the characters and actors than you think. since his japanese is amazing? of course he also owns a giant 90s hentai collection. 

when he’s jerking off, baekhyun chokes himself. a) because he’d make too much noise otherwise and b) because asphyxiation is his favorite thing.

kai feels pleasure in his every cell. he cums the hardest. and, as you can expect, his body expresses it the most extremely, accurately, passionately. if you’ve seen it even once, you’ll never look at him the same again.

taemin has less experience than his discography claims, but more than you’d think. he researches sexual techniques as well. you can brace yourself.

mark has not just a tiger inside, but a freak inside, waiting to be unleashed.

sex while gaming is a go-to activity for baekhyun.

lucas has the best stamina when it comes to getting head.

taemin throws his head back during sex. and no, he doesn’t T-pose. i’m kidding — of course he does. but only when he’s on his back.

taeyong tends to grip a pillow when he cums.

or he humps one when he’s by himself.

ten has the best taste in sexy time playlists.

baekhyun has the best taste in singing his own playlist along.

oh, the things kai has bought at a gas station at 3AM.

baekhyun sucks strap the best. he can open his mouth the widest, drools a lot, and makes the best noises unsurprisingly.

how to turn on lee taemin? he likes getting slapped.

since he’s the most avid and most diverse eater, lucas’ sperm tastes the best. he’s shove 50 fruits into his system just to give you a sweet experience.

mark is absolutely a starfish. 

kai wears fishnet tops if you fancy it.

curiously, baekhyun out of all people doesn’t announce when he’s cumming. you’ll hear it, though.

taeyong’s dildo collection is one for the books.

taemin has visited a pro dominatrix a couple times. needless to say, he was the #1 favorite client at the dungeon. having fully submerged into a fantasy world, taemin was one whip crack away from falling in love with the mistress. but then covid happened and the venue closed.

mark’s dick looks really pretty.

taemin can grind on the strap at every humanly possible angle. he’s almost always ready to take it. he carries a prep kit.

kai — that fucker — knows how to make you wet the most with his bare hands. prepare for the thigh ride of your life, too.

taeyong, baekhyun, and taemin have the best arches. kai is coming for the top three as well. ten’s arch is so good, it can’t be considered one anymore.

baekhyun knows every adult movie out there. theoretically, nothing can shock him. in reality, he melts in your hands.

taeyong is so sexually active with you, he has quit eating garlic.

kai will exploit your muscle kink in any way he can.

taemin, being a devil, has that one button on his phone that he can press when you go out for dinner. he’s OBSESSED with getting you off. once you head home, it’s basically running down your thighs.

ten has once opened a condom with scissors to scare away a date that grew weird on him by the time it got to the do.

lucas is too tall for doing missionary normally.

this will surprise nobody: mark is great at constantly keeping up the dirty talk.

baekhyun’s car is sort of like a brothel on wheels. he can’t count how many times he got down and dirty in there. he cleans it all up by himself.

kai can technically grip you the hardest but he’s the gentlest and great at caressing the whole body.

taemin has the easiest time saying what precisely he wants. he is also the best people reader — most your wishes he can pretty intuit. taemin observes your interests well.

ten likes his hair pulled and makes angelic noises when you do so.

baekhyun likes camgirls and erotic chats with strangers online. he spends a lot of money for nsfw internet encounters.

[m4st4rd]

the sugar bowl

author’s note: hello friends! the wonderful @guaxinimraccoon has let me use their equally wonderful characters, Brad, Toby, and Siri, to write a fic! please go check them out-- their art is super awesome. i ended up writing a lot more than i expected, but i still love it! this was super fun to make and i’m excited to see what you guys think :). enjoy!

warnings: mild panic & mild swearing but that’s about it

word count: 2.4k

part one | part two 

 “TOBY? ARE YOU READY?”

   After a fitful sleep, Tobias could barely stand to listen to the noise around him. It wasn’t much: the water rushing through the pipes, the skitter of the mice outside his home in the walls. And now, Siri tugging on his leg as he struggled to relax on his hacky-sack chair. 

   “C’mon, man,” she said, huffing a laugh. “You promised you’d grab some more paper and bread like, yesterday. And that you would get sugar.” Toby didn’t know why she even had the time to pick up a hobby as boring as drawing. There wasn’t much to draw in their little home. He’d rather just try and continue his eventful dream instead of getting dressed just for some scraps.

   But he had to. It was his duty as a borrower and as Siri’s best friend. 

   “Alright, alright.” He got to his feet and ran his hand through his sleep-tousled hair. “But this means you’re making dinner tonight, right?” Before she could protest, he added, “Better start cooking that soup now.”

   Siri put on a pouty glare, but her pointed ears twitched with amusement. “Yeah. Whatever,” she mumbled. But she couldn’t keep her face up long. Soon, it disappeared into a grin. He wasn’t prepared when she threw her arms around his neck in an excited hug. “You’re the best, Toby.”

   Tobias couldn’t stop himself from smiling, too. “Yeah. I know.”

   She waved as he disappeared down the corridor. Neither of them could’ve known what was waiting for him.

***

   Ever since Brad moved out of his parents’ place, he knew only one thing: solitary. Not that he necessarily minded — he wasn’t the most extroverted person. Even in college, he would stay in his dorm with a pizza and Netflix while his roommate hit frat parties. In the two years they lived together, they must’ve only spoken a total of eleven words to each other. 

   But what he did mind was the endless, repetitive schedule. Wake up, check his phone. Have breakfast, take a shower, brush his teeth, pop an aspirin for his morning headache. Head to work and return to boxed mac-n-cheese dinner (or, if he was feeling adventurous, spaghetti). He wanted something exciting, even if excitement, for him, meant taking a different route to work. But he was too afraid of change.

   What he found on Saturday evening really threw a wrench into the gears of his brain.

   He got home to an empty apartment. Nothing special: a hand-me-down couch next in front of a 90s TV. He contemplated just napping on the couch for a bit before dinner, but he never did that. So instead, Brad took off his shoes, hung up his coat, and headed to the kitchen. There was some leftover tuna salad that he could munch on if he didn’t feel like cooking.

   Nothing special. 

   That is, until he stood up. 

   He probably wouldn’t have heard it if he was distracted, but it was real and oh-so-soft. A rustle from deep inside his cabinet. Brad could feel his heart stop. Did he have mice? No, that couldn’t be. He cleaned out his cupboard pretty frequently. Bugs? That would be even worse. 

   Shff. There it was again. It sounded too… heavy to be a roach. Whatever the little thing was, it rattled his cereal boxes. And then, the telltale clatter of the sugar bowl top falling onto the shelf. 

   Wait, what? Okay. That was weird. Brad took a deep breath. His interest had piqued. He had to see what this thing was.

   With a silent prayer, he opened the cabinet. 

***

   Paper? Check. Bread? Check. Toby was still dusting his knees off as he remembered that he was still missing something: sugar. With a groan, he got to his feet and shuffled over to his hook. “Damn Siri and her sweet tooth,” he muttered (though he’d never admit to her that he enjoyed something sweet every now and then).

   He didn’t notice the front door open and the giant enter. He was distracted by the looming jar in front of him. It was difficult getting the lid off, but with a sharp tug and a grunt, it fell to the floor of the cabinet and he prepared to dive in to get a cube. 

   But before he could get very far, the cabinet door swung open, and light invaded. 

   And Toby was face-to-face with the human of the apartment.

   Brad wasn’t sure what he was looking at. A little man…? A four-inch-tall person, not much bigger than his finger, was standing by his sugar bowl. Pointed ears, wild, electric blue hair, and even wilder eyes stared him down. A patchy bag sat at his feet, and patchy clothing hung off of his thin frame. Was he drunk? High? Did someone roofie his coffee?

   Whatever composure Brad had left him. “Wow,” he whispered. Just a breath seemed like enough to knock the little guy over. “Hey, there, du—”

   Toby didn’t hesitate to whip his needle out. “Back!” he tried to snap, though it was more like a squeak. God, he must’ve looked pathetic. His legs were jelly. Every bit of him trembled. “St-stay back!”

   The giant blinked. He shook his head of shaggy black hair, rubbed his eyes with unfathomably huge fists. Toby did his best to suppress a lame whimper when those hands appeared. “So I’m not dreaming,” he said, more to himself than to Toby. It took every ounce of courage not to cry. 

   The bean, however, seemed to notice his fear. “Wait, little dude, hey…” He eyed the needle warily. “You don’t hafta be afraid.” Toby didn’t believe him for a second. 

   The borrower looked suspicious. “Back up,” the little guy growled, and surprisingly, Brad obliged. He took a step away so he didn’t tower over him (and so he didn’t suffer the wrath of his needle). 

   How did Brad look right now? He wasn’t the biggest person around, but he certainly wasn’t the smallest in his family. Even so, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He couldn’t even bring himself to squish spiders. He’d always trap them in a cup and usher them onto the balcony. This little person, though, didn’t know that. He held his needle-sword up high, his toothpick arms shaking all the while. It practically broke Brad’s heart.

   What’s this guy doing? Toby thought. Nothing was stopping him from snatching him up in a fist and stuffing him in a jar or a shoebox. Was he luring him into a false sense of safety just so his experiments would hurt more? Was he p—

   “Hey, man, you okay?” The bean’s thick brows were knit together with concern. “You’re looking a little pale.”

   “Wouldn’t y-you be?” Toby scoffed before he could stop himself. Man, I’m so dead. “I-I-I mean, someone as big as you is a little Goddamn terrifying! God knows what the hell you’re gonna do to me! ” He snapped his mouth shut. He’s gonna fucking kill me for real now. 

   “What I’m gonna d— No, buddy, I swear I’m n—”

   “Stay. Back.” Holy fuck, what am I doing?! Toby thought. The most he could do was poke the bean’s finger with his needle, but that would only make him angry. He contemplated running, but his thought dissipated when he realized the giant would have plenty of time to stop him.

   Brad’s jaw went slack. For such a little guy, he sure was brave. But after a beat, his words finally sunk in. “Wait. C’mon, man. I’m not— I’m not gonna do anything to you. I’m just. I’m just surprised. I mean, it’s not every day you find a little man in your cabinet.” With a chuckle, he asked, “So are you gonna start paying me rent, or what?” It didn’t immediately dawn on him that this tiny person probably didn’t know what rent even was.

   Toby frowned. What the hell is this guy talking about? More to the point, what game is he playing? 

   With a frown, Brad took another small step back so he didn’t smother the little guy and held up his palms. “Okay, okay, look. I promise I’m not gonna hurt you. Cool?” He didn’t respond, but his shaking arm did lower the needle a bit. That’s a start. 

   Brad heaved a sigh that ruffled Toby’s wild hair. “Right. Uhm. I’m… I’m sorry for scaring you, dude. I didn’t mean it. I swear.” He fiddled with his thumbs. A shy look crept over his face. “I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’m Brad. What’s your name?”

   For a moment, Brad was afraid that the guy was too terrified to answer. But then came the timid voice, so quiet compared to the man’s earlier jab. “Toby.” 

   Just play it cool, Toby thought. Do what he wants and maybe he’ll let you live.

   “Toby. That’s a cool name.” A set of teeth that could snap Toby in half without a second thought were bared at him in a wide smile. Toby could barely hold his ground without flinching. “Wait… You were here for food, right?” 

   Toby’s heart skipped a beat. “You… You’re not mad, a-are you?”

   “No!” Brad said, maybe a little too quickly, because the little guy— Toby — flinched. “I promise I’m not mad,” he added. “Y’know, I was, uh. I was gonna have dinner, anyway. How ‘bout you eat with me? You look like you could use a hot meal.”

   “Oh,” Toby said lamely. His head was going a million miles an hour. Was this Brad guy serious? He just found a tiny creature going through his food, and he’s offering him dinner? It’s gotta be a joke, right? Some weird, fucked-up joke. But instead, what came out of his mouth was, “Uh. S-sure.” 

   Brad couldn’t stop a grin from crossing his face. “Cool. Cool, cool cool. How does pasta sound?”

   “P-pasta sounds great.” My God, Siri’s gonna kill me if this guy doesn’t.

   “Awesome. Wait here.” The bean ducked out of sight, his footsteps rattling Toby’s entire world. 

   Is this a trick? Is he gonna put something in the pasta? Why, why did I say yes?! God, Toby, you fuckin’— It took him a while, but Toby finally came to his senses: the giant was gone. 

   The giant was gone!

   He’d left him to his own devices. Never, in all of his years, had Toby heard of a human who would do that. His parents had always told him that humans were malevolent giants that wouldn’t let you go the minute they got their hands on you. Clearly, they were wrong. At least Brad wasn’t like that.

   In spite of that, Toby was scared shitless. Every cell in his body begged him to leave, but his feet were rooted to the spot. But did he want to leave? After all, the giant did just offer him a free meal. And he was nice. He didn’t grab Toby, or even talk too loud. And he listened. 

   One thought trumped all of that: Siri. God, she was probably terrified, wondering where her friend was. On the other hand, she might’ve been ready to jump him when he returned after a talk with a human. Should he go home, or risk it all for some pasta and the chance that he might not die?

   Toby was at a crossroads.

***

   Brad was over-the-moon. Who would’ve thought that he’d be making dinner for a little, blue-haired guy? An unknown roommate, a potential friend? This was the kind of change he needed.

   With a triumphant hiss, he pulled exactly what he needed from his desk drawer: a spool of stiff art wire from his more creative days. He could bend together a little set of utensils so the guy didn’t have to eat with his hands. 

   “Alright, buddy!” he called as he returned to his kitchen. “It won’t be much, but I promise it’ll be ta— Oh.” 

   The cupboard was empty. All that was left was the tiny patchwork bag near the sugar bowl. Somewhere, deep inside his chest, Brad’s heart broke just a little bit. Why am I feeling like this? For some tiny dude I met ten minutes ago?

   He let out a defeated sigh. Not that he could blame him. Brad couldn’t imagine how terrifying he must’ve seemed to a four inch tall man. Toby wasn’t even the size of his hand. It’s not your fault. With that in mind, he grabbed a pot from under the sink and started boiling water for his dinner. A pasta dinner just for him. Not for two.

   At least he knew he wasn’t dreaming.

***

   Toby was out of breath when he finally reached his door. 

   It was late, but Siri was definitely still up and waiting impatiently. How was he going to explain his borrowing run to her? If he told her he was spotted, they would without a doubt have to pack up and leave, which was tedious. That, and they probably would have to live with a human that didn’t have good snacks.

   He took a deep breath. He would be honest. Yeah, honest. Brad wasn’t murderous or enraged when he found Toby looting for sugar. He was good, and nice. Siri would understand. He pushed the door aside and entered his home. 

   Sure enough, Siri was waiting on his hacky-sack chair. But when she spotted him, she looked relieved, not angry. “Good grief!” she cried, charging into him. Her hands shook from where they rested on his arms. “Shit, Toby, were you gone a long time. I thought you were dead!” Toby didn’t have the energy to respond as she looked him up and down. “Where’s your bag?”

   Fuck. My bag. He must’ve left it by the sugar bowl in his desperation to leave. “Rats,” he said blankly. What happened to being honest?  “I ran into a couple of extra territorial ones on my way back. I gave them my bag to distract them so I could get away.” He feigned an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, Siri. I’ll go again tomorrow. Promise.” 

   He prayed and prayed that Siri would believe him. With a sigh, she shook her head.

   “No, Toby, it’s okay.” His friend patted him on the shoulder. “You’ve had quite a day already. Go on and sit down, I’ll fix you a bowl.” As she turned away, every muscle in his body relaxed. He could’ve died twice today and still he managed to come out unhurt.

   Still. He flopped down in his hacky-sack chair and blew his bangs out of his face. There was something missing, and it wasn’t his borrowing bag.

   Why did he feel so bad?

[concussed-to-pieces]

Stay Safe Part Two: Tranquil Turmoil

Fandom: The Mandalorian [Star Wars]

Pairing: Eventual Mandalorian [Din Djarin]/Reader

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: Part two of the tale! Also, I will do my best to tag who I can, but my browser tends to crash after tagging three to four people. So please forgive me if I don’t manage to tag you, I still love you <3

Thank you for reading! Enjoy!

Tag List: @wrestlingfae @toxiicpop @helplessly-nonstop @huliabitch @culturalrebel @literal-fand0m-trash @sinnamon-bunn @fioccodineveautunnale @hxldmxdxwn @lizajane3

Part One

You had to take numerous breaks for the child, the small being clearly not used to this level of 'forced march through uncertain terrain'. "You're going to sleep like a rock tonight, aren't you?" You asked, chuckling when the kid babbled wildly as if to reply. 

Up ahead, you saw the Mandalorian pause once again. "Everything alright?" He called, his hand resting on his blaster.

It's not like I'm going to run away on you, you thought uncharitably, rushing to force a smile. "Short leg syndrome!" You responded loudly, choosing to swing the child onto your shoulders and trot briskly up the path. "He did good, I'd say, but he's getting tuckered out." You continued once you were close enough for the beskar-clad man to hear you without raising your voice. 

He simply nodded, turning and continuing along the well-worn trail. You shifted your attention to the massive trees flanking the path, gawking a bit at the height and lush greenery of it all. Your drifting often brought you to orbital stations or desert planets, so this verdant forest was a rare sight indeed.

"Not used to it?" His voice broke the silence and you glanced at him, a little confused that he was trying to make conversation. He was still staring straight ahead. He must have been watching you out of the corner of that visor.

"Not at all. I'm really familiar with the dust and sand. I mean, these trees are huge!" You exclaimed, humoring him. "Everything looks so alive and...soft, I guess?"

"Foliage alters terrain dramatically. Don't be taken in by how it dulls the edges." He grunted. 

"Yes sir!" You saluted him and he scoffed, waving the motion off. After a few more minutes of walking in silence, you spotted a large structure looming in a clearing to the side of the trail. 

"Be on your guard." Was all the Mandalorian said, tapping his holster. 

It was a settlement of sorts; a series of tents scattered around a towering, ramshackle yurt that appeared to be the central focal point. You did your best to be inconspicuous, but it was an uphill battle when you were walking drag for a Mandalorian in polished beskar.

Upon entering, you realized that the yurt housed a communal area and drinking establishment. The limited patrons of the bar started whispering to one another once the Mandalorian had stalked by, and you found yourself on the receiving end of more than a few inquisitive looks. 

You surreptitiously tried to mask the bruising on the bridge of your tender nose, pulling the cowl of your cloak up until it was just beneath your eyes. 

The Mandalorian settled down at a table with a clear view of the entrance, his head turning lazily slow to survey the area. The lone hostess, stars bless her, approached with no trepidation whatsoever. Clearly she had seen more than her fair share of strange or unusual characters pass through. 

"What can I get you folks?" She asked, wiping her hands off on the dishrag that hung on her hip.

"Bone broth for the little one." The Mandalorian ordered, then tipped his helmet in your direction. 

You hurried to scan the scrawled menu propped up at the bar while the hostess proudly informed the Mandalorian that she had taken down a grinjer earlier, so there was plenty of broth to be had. Mindful of the limited credits you possessed, you selected a dish made up of local vegetables and started to count out the amount it would cost you.

The Mandalorian exhaled audibly, the noise almost a sigh. "What did I tell you? Save your damn credits." He muttered. Then, slightly louder to the hostess, "get them a good portion of that grinjer meat to go with what they ordered." He slid his own credits across the table, knocking yours out of the way with his elbow. After the hostess had departed to put in the food order, he leaned back once again. "If you don't eat now you'll be sorry later, stowaway."

"I'm sorry." You whispered, staring hard down at the table. You absolutely were not going to cry in public. You refused to humiliate yourself any more than you already had! Gods, you wished you were back on Nevarro. At least there, things were normal.

His fingers tapped on the table twice, drawing your attention back to him, but he seemed to just be idly shifting his weight. The child babbled at him from their seat, tiny hands waving animatedly. "Is that so?" The Mandalorian replied, sounding for all the world like he was carrying on a conversation with them. "Very interesting stuff, kid." Under his breath he murmured, "we've got eyes on us, stowaway, and not the usual kind."

You went rigid in your seat, unsure why his words terrified you so much. Bounty hunters take down all kinds of desperate people, this is regular for a guy like him. "S-Someone you know?" You stammered.

"No." He answered quietly. Then, "Could be nothing. People who don't know any better stare. Be ready."

The hostess returned with the food that had been ordered (as well as two lurid blue cups of freshly-brewed spotchka, the luxury!) and after ensuring that the child could drink their broth safely, you fell upon your meal with gusto.

"Slow down, you're going to choke." The Mandalorian admonished you, his tone amused. "No one will take it from you, you know."

"Mm, but-" You chewed and swallowed. "But it's really good."

"Savor the taste, then." He abruptly got to his feet. "Watch the kid. I'll be back in five minutes."

"Oh. Uh, stay safe?" You replied uncertainly, blinking up at him.

He paused, and then shook his head like he was dismissing something. "I'll be back in five minutes." He repeated curtly. 

You watched him depart, pursing your lips before turning your attention back to the child. They whined, taking another noisy slurp of their broth. "We'll give him two minutes." You decided, nodding firmly and starting to wrap up the rest of your meal. "Then, we'll rescue him."

…

"You want some soup?" The Mandalorian offered, flat on his back with his blaster aimed at the head of the dark-haired woman opposite him. She was on her stomach, her own pistol lined up with his shoulder. 

You and the child stood several feet away, the child toting their small bowl of broth and you clutching your two cups of spotchka. You had stumbled upon the tense scene once the allotted minutes had passed, following the noises of what sounded like a scuffle between a few of the outlying tents. Your heart threatened to leave your chest when you finally caught sight of the two rolling around on the ground, struggling and swinging at each other with purpose.

The woman sighed heavily, holstering her gun after a moment. The Mandalorian rolled to his feet and extended a hand to her, helping her up off the ground. 

The two of them were covered head to toe in pine needles and detritus from the forest floor, which helped to defang her somewhat as she went on to explain that her name was Carasynthia Dune; she had been a shock trooper and this was her early retirement of sorts. 

You could tell she was former military just from the bold band of tattooing that ran around her bicep, never mind her well-built physique or the confident way she carried herself. The fact that she had gone toe-to-toe with the Mandalorian and somehow emerged relatively unharmed was more than enough to earn your silently-awestruck admiration.

"I knew you were Guild. Figured you had a fob on me, that's why I came at you so hard." She admitted to the Mandalorian by way of apology, nodding her thanks when you offered her the untouched tankard of spotchka. 

The armored man grunted, "I assumed as much." He started brushing himself off, leaving Cara to stand there awkwardly. 

"So, what happened?" She turned to you, tapping her nose. "Get a little too mouthy for the tin can?" The Mandalorian's motions hitched momentarily at Cara's query.

"Mouthy?" You repeated in confusion. 

"Yeah, your nose, it's all…" She traced a circle around her nose, pulling a strange expression.

"Oh! Oh, no. I got hit in the face with beskar. Not his beskar! An ingot of beskar." You floundered, chuckling nervously while you readjusted your cowl to conceal your nose once more. "It was all a big misunderstanding."

"Uh huh." Dune didn't sound convinced in the slightest, her eyes narrowed at you.

"Don't appreciate that insinuation, Dune." The armored man snapped.

"Well, I don't appreciate you muscling in on my turf." She fired back airily. "As fun as this little scuffle was, Mando, unless you want to go another round one of us is gonna' have to leave. And I was here first." With that ironclad logic, she turned on her heel and promptly walked away.

The Mandalorian sighed. "Looks like this planet's taken." He shook another handful of needles out of his cape, grumbling to himself. You moved forward without thinking to sweep a few dead leaves from the thick cowling draped around his neck, your fingers reaching out quickly. 

His hand jerked up, pinning your wrist to his shoulder and bringing you to an abrupt halt. You hadn't even had the time to flinch. "You've...y-you've got some leaves under your chin." You managed to stammer, the realization dawning on you that you could be in very deep trouble. He could snap your wrist like a twig, could do much worse than that.

He didn't let go of your hand for a long moment, leaving you to stare up at the blank void of his visor. You had obviously startled him, but despite that his grip wasn't overly tight. Leather worn smooth grazed over the skin of your wrist, his thumb momentarily pressing down on your palm before he released you and took a step back. "Just...tell me where they are." He muttered gruffly.

Through your concerted efforts of indicating around your own neck and his attempts to mirror locations on himself, he managed to rid his gorget space of all the debris. The child began whimpering and whining during the activity, finally plopping down on the ground.

"You all worn out, little one?" You soothed, hoisting the child up into your arms. They rubbed their eyes, fussing until you bundled them up in your cloak. "Shh, take a nap. Close your eyes. You're safe." You assured them, rocking back and forth slightly.

"We're heading back to the Crest. This planet's off-limits." The Mandalorian growled, his words clipped. "I have some repairs that can be managed with what I've got on hand. Leaving Nevarro wasn't kind to my ship."

"Can I help?" You rushed to ask, swallowing hard when he cocked his helmet. "Please, let me help. I can fix things, I'm good at-"

"We'll see." He cut you off, straightening his cuisses. "Can you carry him? I know you managed it all of the way here."

"He's not heavy." You assured him quietly. 

"Let me know if you need a break."

Maybe once you made yourself useful with repairs, he would give a request to return to Nevarro a bit more consideration. With your fingers crossed and your hopes cautious, you trudged along after him back into the woodlands.

...

The Mandalorian sighed for what seemed like the millionth time, sussing out the right spanner to hand up to you. Night had fallen and so the two of you were working by a combination of the landing lights on the Razor Crest and headlamps. 

"This portion is almost rusted through. You're definitely going to need at least one new blade soon." You called, doing your best to coax some patcher over the hole in one of the left engine's anterior rotor fins. "Also might want to clean your bearings more often than normal, what with all the sand." 

"I'll take that under advisory." He replied. "Will it still fly?"

You peered over the side of the fuselage, passing him back the spanner. "I mean, you tell me. You're the one that knows how it behaves." You tapped the roof of the craft and then aimed a finger gun at the armored man. "How do the landing hydraulics look?"

His shoulders drooped. "Not spectacular." He admitted. "Got caught by a ravinak a few jobs back. Didn't get out of it unscathed."

You scooted to the side of the cockpit's viewport, sliding off to land with a thud on the boarding ramp. "I imagine hydraulic fluid is tough to come by on a planet like this." You squinted up at his headlamp, half-blinded.

"You imagine right." The beskar-wearing man heaved a sigh so deep, it sounded like it came from the ground beneath him. "Damn kid, he's lucky he's so cute." He growled. "I'd be well on the way to my next bounty if it wasn't for this."

You tapped your foot while you thought. "Oh! I almost forgot. I…" You fumbled at your side pouch, pulling out the small bundle you had made earlier. "Here, I saved you some food."

"Why?" He inquired bluntly.

"Because you didn't eat and...I mean, you gave me that jerky earlier, and you paid for my food but I couldn't eat all of it, so I wrapped it up and saved it for you to...um...eat?" Your voice faded uncertainly as you struggled to get the words out, hideously sure that you had somehow managed to offend him. Please, please don't be upset, I just want to go home.

He held out his hand after a second that lasted an eternity and you quickly passed the food over. "That was very kind of you." He said quietly. "Thank you. I will eat later." His voice sounded slightly strained.

You scolded yourself inwardly for being shocked that he thanked you, nodding and then resuming your hunt through your tools for your hydroline sealant. With a little luck, you might be able to-

"Um, excuse me sir?"

You jumped at the sound of the unfamiliar voice, whirling and being confronted by two bedraggled-looking men. "Can I help you with something?" The Mandalorian asked, his tone utterly flat.

"Um, well, yes actually. Raiders." The first man began warily. 

The other man extended his hand, the small bag cradled in it serving to illustrate their bargaining power. "We have money."

"You think I'm some kind of mercenary?" The Mandalorian asked sharply, his hackles clearly raised.

"Well, you are a Mandalorian, aren't you?" The first man appeared confused, stuttering, "You're wearing Mandalorian armor--um, that is Mandalorian armor, right?"

"It is."

"So you are a Mandalorian! I told him you were! Sir, I've read so much about your, your people--er, tribe?" This man was floundering worse than you. Your heart went out to him, watching the Mandalorian's posture stiffen more and more with each word out of his mouth. "If half of what I've read is true, then-"

"We have money." The second man reiterated, like he thought the beskar-wearing hunter hadn't heard him the first time.

"'Mandalorian' and 'mercenary' are not synonymous." Oh he was angry, you could feel him biting out his words even through the modulator. But the two men just stood there, looking like kicked puppies until the Mandalorian finally grunted, "how much?"

"It's everything we have, sir. Our whole harvest was stolen." The first man said dolefully as the Mandalorian busied himself tinkering with the landing gear.

"Krill. We're krill farmers." The second man clarified.

"We brew spotchka, our whole village chipped in!" 

The Mandalorian paused in his motions, turning and actually looking at the small pouch. "It's not enough." He announced dismissively.

"Are you sure? You don't even know what the job is-!"

"I know that it's not enough. Good luck."

"This is everything we have. We'll give you more after the next harvest!" The second man attempted to wheedle, glancing at you hopefully as if he expected you to help him reason with the armored man. 

You were uncertain of how to inform him without words that it was a lost cause, and your armored companion made his aggravation abundantly clear by activating the hydraulics on the boarding ramp. Steam hissed and billowed outwards, startling the two men into stumbling back a few steps so the ramp wouldn't hit them as it juddered up.

"Come on. Let's head back." The first man said dejectedly, tugging on his friend's sleeve.

The second man started pitching a fuss even as they slowly retreated to their cart, "Took us the whole day to get here. Now we have to ride back, with no protection, to the middle of nowhere." 

You saw the Mandalorian straighten up, turning his head slightly. "Where do you live?" He asked suddenly.

"On a farm. Weren't you listening? We're farmers." The second man answered him a little more petulantly than you would have advised.

"In the middle of nowhere." The Mandalorian persisted.

"Yes?"

"You have lodging."

The first man seemed to catch on to the Mandalorian's train of reasoning, excitedly saying, "Yeah, absolutely!"

"Good." The Mandalorian nodded, and then gestured to you. "Come up and help."

...

After a brief detour to acquire Carasynthia Dune (the Mandalorian playing the dangerous game of tossing the proffered bag of credits at her feet and asking her if she was ready for round two), the cart hummed along on the trail through the woods.

"So...we're basically running off a band of raiders for lunch money?" Cara sounded unimpressed.

"They're quartering us in the middle of nowhere. Last I checked that's a pretty square deal for somebody in your position." The Mandalorian reasoned, "Worst case scenario you tune up your blaster, best case...we're a deterrent."

The two men who had hired the Mandalorian (and shock trooper by extension) didn't seem to be able to believe their good fortune. They introduced themselves as Caben and Stoke respectively, and were more than willing to engage in conversation with you about their circumstances. 

You figured it would be in your best interest to make yourself scarce from the Mandalorian and Cara's strategy meeting, and so you plied the two men with questions about the surrounding woods and their village in general. 

You learned that Caben's past relatives had been the ones to start the krill, ensuring that the village would have a steady livelihood through dispensing either the raw material or finished product of spotchka. They were relatively self-sufficient, the woodlands they tended rich with game and plants alike.

Unfortunately, that same richness seemed to have attracted unwanted attention in the form of these raiders. Klatoonians had been harassing the small village for several cycles, stealing multiple harvests of krill.

"So uh, what do you do?" Stoke asked you curiously during a lull in the conversation.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're traveling with a Mandalorian. You must be pretty tough if you're running with someone like him." He theorized, studying you in the dim light of their lone lamp.

"Oh! No no, noooo. I'm a temporary issue for him, I'm sure. Got tossed into his cargo hold at the last port like so much baggage." You confided with a grimace. "My only saving grace currently is that I can entertain younglings."

"Well, that's great!" Caben exclaimed, though Stoke looked a little less enthused. "We've got a host of young ones that I'm sure would love to have someone new to play with."

"I've bounced around a lot, so I've picked up a variety of different songs and games." You grinned. "Pretty sure I'll have something in my arsenal to keep your kids out of their hair." You continued, lowering your voice as you indicated at the fearsome duo behind you.

On your lap, the child yawned and snuggled into your cloak, clearly done for the night. You followed soon after, bidding the two men goodnight and curling up against the side of the cart. 

…

The day dawned clear, but with a humidity unfamiliar to one such as yourself. Mist danced in rainbow semi-circles through the tree trunks, the sun slowly burning it off as it rose. 

The child bounced in your arms when you carefully climbed off of the skiff to stretch your legs, easily keeping pace with the slow-moving vehicle. 

"How much further?" You whispered to Caben, doing your best not to disturb the snoring Cara and Stoke. You couldn't tell whether the Mandalorian was also sleeping, but it didn't hurt to be considerate.

"Only a few more minutes. Just over that next ridge." The man replied quietly, pointing ahead at said ridge. 

You propped the baby up on your hip and set off at a brisk walk, your body delighting in the fresh air of the forest. It was so strange, having something aside from the blistering climes of Nevarro or the stale, recycled air of hubs in your lungs. Maybe you had been directionless for too long, maybe...maybe leaving Nevarro was a blessing in disguise. 

As you reached the top of the hill, a little gasp escaped your lips. The whole valley was spread out in front of you, the small village dwarfed by the wetlands that surrounded it. Uniform pools lined the outskirts, obviously the krill fisheries the men had mentioned. Despite the early hour, you spotted several people already moving around. 

The landscape was idyllic, almost achingly so, and peaceful. 

Tears sprang to your eyes unbidden and you quickly dashed them away on your shoulder, huffing out a trembling breath. "Well little one, let's see whether your papa can help these people." You mused.

...

Caben hadn't been lying about the younglings. There was a group of eight children that rushed to greet the cart as it arrived, small bodies crowding around you to ogle the tiny being in your arms. Said being didn't appear to mind the attention, waving their little fists in excitement.

The Mandalorian seemed on-edge the instant he moved from the cart. Despite the serenity around him, you could feel tension radiating from his form. He was wound tight and you couldn't understand why. Even if raiders had been known to attack the place, right this minute all was calm and tranquil.

That unease was made abundantly clear an hour or so later, while you were being shown your housing for the foreseeable future. One second, he was nodding along to what the lovely young woman (a widow?) was explaining to him about the large hut being a barn previously. The next, he had whipped around to face the doorway, his blaster already drawn.

Gods, he was so fast.

The deadly would-be assailant was none other than the widow's child, the small girl cowering a little beside the door. 

"Easy." You hissed, surprised nonetheless when the armored man clumsily shoved his weapon back into the holster. 

Cara moved to the doorway, crouching in front of the child. "Hey squirt. You're pretty quiet, huh? Think you could teach me how to sneak like that?" She asked. The child seemed to recover from their scare quickly, pulling on Cara's arm to haul her away for 'training'. "You owe me, Mando!" The shock trooper yelled back over her shoulder as several other children joined in on the 'lesson'.

"I'm sorry, she's just not used to strangers." The widow apologized uncomfortably, wringing her hands.

Seeing how distraught she was, you impulsively decided to speak up. "No no, don't worry about it. We're just a little tired. Jumpy, you know." You explained, attempting to play it off before the Mandalorian could sigh or say whatever he had in mind. "Some of us are quick on the draw. But not here." You muttered the last part under your breath, stressing the final word. 

"I apologize for startling your child." The Mandalorian added stiffly, and you thanked the Maker that he wasn't about to undermine your shaky attempt at diplomacy. 

"She will be fine." The woman assured, giving him a tentative smile and then departing.

"I don't need you to speak for me, stowaway." The armored man snapped once she was (probably) out of earshot.

"I know that, but I wasn't sure what you were going to say and I didn't want you to hurt her feelings." You shot back, "You did kind of, almost maybe, consider putting a slug in her kid." 

"I'm not used to this." The Mandalorian stated bluntly, his honesty shocking you anew. Would the surprises never cease?! "They're respectful but they're not scared."

"Isn't it better that way?"

"Scared people keep their distance. Other people want to get close. They want answers." He shook his head, clearing his throat. "I...should probably take Dune so we can start with our reconnaissance." Despite his words he moved at the barest meander to the doorway, where he proceeded to lean nonchalantly for several long minutes as he watched the children drag Dune around. He finally murmured, "I'm probably going to need assistance when I attempt to extract her from the Fou...younglings. Think you can run interference?"

You cracked your knuckles and then hoisted the child up onto your hip. "Once I get there, they won't know what hit them." You promised firmly.

...

"Can you pay, can you pay, calamari flan? Fly my ship as fast as you can!" You chanted, your hands clapping out a gentle rhythm as you recited the nursery rhyme. "Fuel it and park it, Dropship Three, and leave it in the hanger to be flown by me!" 

The children around you all sang their own haphazard versions of the song, hands clapping and slapping against each other in almost-unison. It was incredibly entertaining to listen to some of the verses they came up with. In your time spent roaming after the death of your parents, you had heard a lot of different iterations of this rhyme. No matter where you traveled, it seemed that kids always gravitated to you. With them came songs and games and sometimes, sometimes, joy.

In spite of that, you still tried to keep everyone at arms' length. You would always have a new planet or station to breeze off to, a tumbleweed through and through. So you clapped, and you smiled, and when it was time to go, you vanished in the night like a wraith. It was better that way. Let younglings come up with their own conclusions.

The Mandalorian and Cara emerged from the forest on the edge of the village, and the man tilted his head at you to indicate you should join them. 

"Sorry guys, looks like duty calls." You apologized to your giggly, rambunctious audience, getting to your feet and dusting yourself off. You then bowed dramatically at the large-eared baby who had been sitting beside you, extending a hand for them to hold. "By your leave, my lord." The child quickly latched on, toddling in the direction of the Mandalorian.

When you arrived at the barn, however, Cara looked grim. "We've got a big problem." She informed you softly.

"The raiders have an Imp walker." The Mandalorian dropped the bombshell on you without quarter, and you took an unintentional step back. "I don't know how they got it, but I've seen those things in action. No matter how good I and Cara are, it won't be enough."

"Wh-What are you going to tell them?" You asked once you found your voice again. Even though you knew it was silly, you found yourself nervously scanning the woods surrounding the village. 

"The truth." Cara shrugged. "I'll give 'em their credits back. Hell, maybe we can help them move. They can't stay here, that's the takeaway. Sooner they come to terms with that, the better."

...

The Mandalorian broke the news to the village much like he had broken it to you, consideration thrown to the wayside in favor of expedience. "Bad news. You can't live here anymore." He addressed everyone bluntly from the front steps of the barn.

"Nice bedside manner." Cara grimaced, shifting her weight awkwardly as the villagers began to stir and protest amongst themselves.

"You think you can do better?" The armored man huffed.

"Can't do much worse." The woman snarked under her breath before stepping forward. "I know this is not the news you wanted to hear, but there are no other options." Cara announced clearly and firmly, the former soldier obviously rising to his challenge.

"But you took the job!" One man shouted.

"That was before we knew about the AT-ST." Cara said loudly. 

"The what?"

"The armored walker with two enormous guns that you knew about and didn't tell us!" She snapped, frustration bleeding into her tone. 

Over the building hubbub came the voice of the widow, Omera. "We have nowhere to go." She stated calmly, her child tucked against her side.

"Sure you do. This is a big planet." Cara replied dismissively. "I've seen a lot smaller."

Now emboldened by Omera, several other individuals raised their own voices. "My grandparents seeded these ponds!" Caben informed Cara. 

"It took generations!" Stoke added.

Cara's shoulders slumped. "I understand, I do. But there are only two of us." She said, gesturing at the beskar-clad man. You were more than happy to be left out of this particular equation, your brain still stuck on the fact that somewhere out in those peaceful woods, there was an actual mobile assault tower.

"No there's not, there's...at least twenty here!" Stoke fired back, his arms spread wide to indicate all the people in their village.

"I mean fighters. Be realistic!" Cara protested.

"We can learn!" Caben insisted, starting a new wave of murmurs as the villagers began to nod and agree with him. 

Dune heatedly spat, "I've seen that thing take out entire companies of soldiers in a matter of minutes!" 

That only brought a momentary pause to the debate. "We're not leaving." Omera said, her words soft but firm. Resolute.

Cara's voice shook when next she spoke and you got the impression that she wasn't seeing a village spread out in front of her, but a munitions-blasted battlefield. "You cannot fight that thing." 

You hesitantly put a hand on her arm, offering what little support you could. She shot you a grateful look, her smile thin.

The Mandalorian, who until then had remained silent, abruptly spoke up. "Unless we show them how." He cocked his head in your direction, ignoring the incredulous look Cara was sending his way. "Remember all those crates I had you lift?"

...

Blasters. A multitude of different makes and models, more than enough to arm half the village. You wondered in the back of your mind why the hell he had brought so many weapons.

Targets were quickly thrown together and anyone who was confident was instructed in the art of long range combat by the Mandalorian, his cape billowing behind him as he walked down the line to adjust foot placement.

Cara took over the melee weapon options, setting the rest of the men and women up to defend themselves with long, sharpened sticks and various other methods. You began to understand how she had gone toe-to-toe with the Mandalorian as you watched her cycle through the steps, every motion impactful and economic.

The two ran drills and you alternated between them, the child residing in a back sling you made out of your cloak. Maybe, maybe you could be useful in this type of situation, you hoped. Maybe you could help keep these kind people safe. 

The Mandalorian pawned a spare vibroblade off on you to replace your dull knife and you quickly adopted the techniques he and Cara showed you. You were constantly mindful to keep your fingers well away from the blade after you lost a chunk of knuckle skin when you tried to show off, the bandage you gained serving as a visual reminder to be cautious, that this was not your old knife.

When the Mandalorian finally nodded in approval at the shot you took, you felt proud enough to burst. When Cara grinned broadly at you after you ran through a defense drill, you could have cried.

The plan of attack was simple, as all plans should be: Topple the AT-ST as quickly as possible, use high barricades to divert the Klatoonians into more strategically viable locations and then pick them off. 

And now, up to your knees in mud, you goaded Caben, Stoke and several other villagers on into competition. Which fishery-pit would be the one to render that walker powerless? Whose shoveling would be triumphant in the long run? Bets were placed as the trap holes grew deeper and the barricades were raised on the edges of the village, fortifying the front line.

The rain had started during the afternoon and continued on well after dusk, making the work a thousand times muddier than before. Once you were finally done digging you were a filthy, shivering mess. Waving a goodbye to the others, you slogged back to the barn. Your boots were heavy enough to impede your movement, so your progress was admittedly slow.

"Stay at the door." The Mandalorian ordered sharply when you managed to trudge up to the raised porch and start struggling out of your boots. 

You groaned unhappily but obeyed, wondering if he intended for you to stay outside all night so the rain could rinse off the muck.

He came back with a bucket, his cape hanging over his arm instead of his shoulders. "I'll hold this up so you can clean yourself." He muttered after passing you the pail of hot, soapy water. "Dune is already asleep, so this is the best I can do."

"B-B-But what if you g-get wet?" You asked through chattering teeth, already stripping down to your underthings as he threaded one end of the cloak through the woven twigs that composed the barn wall. You were too cold and wet to be overly worried about propriety.

"I'm going to be wet anyways, I have the second watch. I'm not worried." Even from behind the cape, you could hear the rain softly ping off his helmet and pauldrons. "Blanket is just inside the door, left side. Let me know when you're heading in so I can turn."

You quickly dunked the provided rag into the bucket, scrubbing furiously at the grime on your skin. "W-We think we made them deep enough. We dug a good six extra feet each, I w-would s-s-say." You informed him proudly.

"Good. That's really good." You could hear the smile in his voice, as strange as that sounded. "Means the walker will have a nine to eleven foot drop, which should be more than enough." He then added, "You've done well."

You flushed hotly despite your freezing body, stammering out, "o-oh, I'm just doing wh-what I have t-to-" 

"No. You could have dropped into a funk and refused to do anything once we left Nevarro, but you...you've been good with the kid. With these people." The bounty hunter paused. "I've been thinking about leaving the kid here," he continued quietly. "Once we get rid of the raiders, this village will be peaceful again. And...and he seems to like it here." He shifted his weight, heralded by the clank of beskar. "You seem to like it here, too."

"I do." You replied honestly. "Nevarro was home for a while. I was used to it. It was normal. But this place…" You trailed off, a little perturbed with how much your heart was aching at the idea of having to leave this behind. 

You had never felt any sort of attachment to a location, always knowing that you wouldn't be there long. Nevarro marked the longest you had stayed in an area, sitting proud at a whopping thirty-two days.

"I won't be able to bring you back to Nevarro." He admitted quietly. "I can't...I can't go back there."

What could have gone down on Nevarro that would make a Mandalorian unable to return? Curiosity burned at you and you opened your mouth to ask the question.

"What is the name of that song you taught the younglings?" He inquired before you could get the words out. "The one with all the clapping."

"Oh, that's just...i-it's a nursery rhyme. Originally I think it was something about...baking?" You theorized, rinsing the rag. "Everyone has a different version of it, though."

"It reminded me of home." The wistful tone of his voice took you by surprise. "We would...when you have the armor, to keep time you would rap on your neighbor's. We stomp, clap, slap hands, beat the armor...no matter what we do it's loud." After a brief pause, "Do you have other songs like that?"

"Stomping, I'm not so sure about. See, a lot of flotillas and mining platforms have rules structured around excessive noise. Keeping younglings entertained and quiet...now that is the challenge." You informed him, scrubbing roughly at your elbows and knees. "I have a few others with the clapping. Some of them up the complexity of the motions depending on how long you're playing for, though, so maybe you could adapt one of those for your stomping needs?" was your tentative suggestion.

"Leave your clothes where you dropped them. Omera brought some dry things for you earlier." 

His abrupt shift in topic made your head spin and you panicked momentarily before blurting out, "Maker, please tell me there's pants and not one of their confusing skirts." 

"I didn't look at 'em, stowaway. I just know that she put them with the blankets." The Mandalorian replied testily. "You'll find out soon enough."

Mercifully, the widow had provided a soft, knee-length tunic. Thank the Maker for small favors, you did not want to try and figure out one of their skirts at this hour. Intricate hook-loop closures and trews were great and all, but right now you were exhausted and bed was calling your name.

You slipped the garment over your head, taking a moment to run your fingers along the blanket-stitched hemline. The fabric was dyed a rich teal, a trait shared by most of the apparel in this settlement. One of the krill byproducts was the brilliant blue carapace that gave spotchka its distinct hue. According to Stoke they had to strain nearly half of the unprocessed carapace from the spotchka mix lest it turn unbearably bitter. They then utilized this excess to color their fabrics, bathing the entire village in a myriad of indigoes, teals and cobalts.

The long sleeves of the tunic flopped down over your hands, banishing some of the chill from your body. "Huh. Guess I'm not as tall as Omera." You observed aloud, waving your sleeve-covered hands around to illustrate this incredible fact.

The Mandalorian shook his head at your antics and busied himself tucking his cape back under his pauldrons. "Get some rest, stowaway. As long as nothing happens tonight, tomorrow is when we'll strike. I need you at your best." He said curtly. Then, a little softer, "I need you to keep an eye on the F...younglings." He sounded slightly pained. "They'll need assurance. And if anything happens during the fight, they will need to be defended."

"Of course!" You promised, fisting your hands tightly in your sleeves. "I'll do everything I can to keep them safe. We all will."

Cara raised a sleepy fist of acknowledgment from her own cozy pile of blankets, the soldier mumbling something before rolling over.

"This is the Way." The Mandalorian stated, the black void of his visor boring into you. He seemed to be waiting for something, so you finally bobbed your head in agreement. He then departed without another word, the woven mat over the doorway whispering against the rough-hewn planks of the floor in his wake.

You wondered at the quiet sadness in his voice long after you went to bed, your dreams haunted by glimpses of rain-speckled beskar.

Part Three

[wayward-mikaelson]

Centuries--Four

Word Count: 2715

Pairing: None

Characters: Reader, Dean, Cas, Sam, Hezekiah, Maggie, 

Summary: Cas and Reader see the flashback of the Reader killing Maggie and also learn that the Reader was working with Hezekiah to bring Michael back. Having the knowledge that only the angel she worked with can help her, she leaves the bunker without the boys.

Disclaimer: Language, Panic Attack, Lying, Blood and Gore, Character Death

A/N: So sorry this one is out late. It’s been crazy busy at home and I wanted this to be perfect. 

A/N 2: Tell me what you think!!!! I love hearing what you all think

A/N 3: Tag all your spn accounts so they can check this out!

Forever Tag List: @donnaintx​ @myinconnelly1​ @magssteenkamp​ @hobby27​ @elansaidaris​ @440mxs-wife​

Dean/Jensen Tag List: @sandlee44​ @squirrelnotsam​ @akshi8278​ 

*18+ CONTENT. ANYONE YOUNGER THAN 18 WILL NEED TO MOVE ALONG. I DO NOT WANT TO RISK MY PAGE AND WORK GETTING THANOSED.

**PLEASE DO NOT COPY AND PASTE MY WORK ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND WITHOUT GIVING ME THE PROPER CREDITS. REBLOGS AND SHARING THE LINKS ARE OKAY.

***THIS WORK IS ALSO POSTED ON IG, WATTPAD, AND AO3 PLEASE GO SHOW IT SOME LOVE THERE AS WELL.

FLASHBACK

I walk out of the cabin while cursing Hezekiah. He didn't want to do anything to get his self righteous of an angel ass hands dirty. So he sends me to his bidding. Something that I'm happy to do if it meant seeing 'him' again. Other times I'm not so up to it. Not many people know I'm alive so I try and make my outing short and brief. I've contemplated dying my hair but never really gotten around to it since most of my errands end with me covered in blood or a nearly broken bone.

I toss my bag into the back of the car and get into the drivers seat and start my trip from Texas to Kansas. I don't make too many stops unless it's for food or to quickly use the restroom. This is going to be one of the trickiest errands I've had. Hezekiah needs something from Lebanon. From the bunker. I know that bunker like the back of my hand and knew where there were secret passage ways that led to rooms and such. As long as they weren't there, everything will go smoothly. If they were there, well, I'm going have to cross that bridge when I get there.

I park in a well hidden spot away from the Bunker and head there on foot. Part of me wants to run into them and see what they have been up to. Maybe he has moved on. Maybe there is a new woman in his life that can make him smile the way I used to do. The other part of me doesn't want to run in to them because I know it will complicate the thing I'm doing with Hezekiah. If he has moved on, it certianly will complicate things with the other woman.

"Focus," I tell myself. "Your only mission is to get the blood and get out."

I hear a twig snap in the distance and it raises the hairs on my back of my neck. I slowly draw my small blade and turn around. There isn't anyone. Must have been a deer. I turn back around and there she is. Standing there and making my job a little less complicated. I slowly put my blade away and approach her.

"YN?" The look on her face is disbelief. Her eyes look me over a millions times before I get a foot away from her. "Is it really you?" The smile on her face pulls at my heart strings. I thought I could do this job but, I don't think I can. "Oh...my...fucking...God! It is you! Everyone will be so happy!" She throws her arms around me and hugs me tight. I return the hug as well. I miss her terribly.

"Maggie," I say her name and feel the heart strings pull harder. I almost just say screw this thing Hezekiah has going on but, I dont. "You can't tell anyone." I pull away from her.

"Why not?" Maggie asks looking confused. "Dean has been miserable without you and Sam," Her voice breaks a bit. "He's broken up seeing his brother like this. He stays up all night most nights making sure Dean doesn't just off himself."

I feel the tears start to form in the corner of my eyes. I hold them back though. I can't let her see that this effects me. I can't let her see that I miss him with everything in me but he wouldn't understand this. He wouldn't understand that I also need to see someone else.

I lick my lips and sit against the nearest tree. Maggie follows me. Part of me wants to scream for her run because of what I need to do. But again, I don't. "Did you and Sam ever hook up?" I ask her. I need to change the subject away from him.

Maggie blushes a bit. "We've talked about going out but, ever since we burned your body..."Her voice trails off. "There has never been a perfect time. I mean he's kissed me a few times but that's about it." Good, I think. That's really good but, also so very terribly sad. "What have you been up to and when the hell did  you get back?"

"Some months ago," I smile a little. My hidden hand fumbles with the blade at my side. I need to make this quick. "I'm working on brining Michael back."

"What?" Maggie exclaims. "Why would you do that? He needs to stay in that crystal at the bottom of the ocean!"

With one quick, swift, and fluid movement, I slash her throat with my blade. "Because I need to and you're apart of what we need to bring him back. Blood from his world."

I watch as Maggie holds her throat, trying to keep the blood from spilling out. But the would is too deep, the blood seeps between her fingers. I take my camel back and open it and shove her bloody hand aside. I let as much blood spill into the bag as I can. I see the look in her eyes. Surprise and betrayal linger. She's gasping for air and as she does more blood spills out and down her neck and into her shirt.

When I'm satisfied with what I need and gently lay her down on the ground. I sit with her as she struggles to breath. Struggles to talk even. The light in her eyes start to fade. Her breathing slows and she stops talking. She's dead a few minutes later and I let a few tears fall. I lean over and close her eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I needed to do this and I couldn't let you live."

I get up and angrily pull out my phone. I hit send on Hezekiah's number and it goes straight to voicemail. Damn self righteous, feathered ass dick needs to pick up the phone when I call. "I got your fucking blood, you asshole," I angrily say into the phone. "I hope your pompous dickless ass is satisfied." I hang up and shove the phone back into my pocket.

END OF FLASHBACK

I gasp for air once I am able to focus on everything in the room around me. I see Dean lean up off the door. Worry takes over his face. I feel Cas's hand slowly move from the sides of my head. I'm sure surprise is on his. My breathing is picking up and my body is cold and shivering. So many questions are running through my head right now but I need to process what the fuck I had just seen. What I did. Sam is never going to forgive me. Sam is most likely going to want to kill me if or when he finds out that it was me that killed Maggie. Actually there is no 'if' he finds out, it's only a matter of when he finds out.

"Untie me," I barely get out and yank at the binds that held me to the chair. Dean is moving but for some reason he's moving slow. "Fucking untie me, damn it." I scream and thrash around in the chair. Deans soothing words echo in the room as he quickly unties me. The binds come undone and I get up and sink against the nearest wall. I hug my legs to my chest and squeeze my eyes shut. My heart is beating hard in my chest. The tears are flowing

"What the hell happened?" Dean asks Cas. I can hear the worry in his voice "Did we get the answer we need?  

"Yes," I hear Cas say. He sounds like he's catching his breath too. That must have taken a lot of energy. "And then some."

"So, tell me what happened," Dean demands. More from Cas than me.

I open my eyes and see Dean is kneeling next to me, staring at Cas who is also trying to process what had happened. What I did. Cas looks back at me and I have that 'oh shit' moment again. I take a deep breath and take Deans hand in mine.

"Dean," I say swallowing hard. He looks at me. The worry that he wears on his face makes me not want to tell him what happened. But I need to. I hold his hand tighter. "I killed Maggie. I killed her to bring Michael back."

I feel Dean slowly pull his hand away. I know it's not at the news of me telling him that I was the one who killed Maggie. It's at the news of brining Michael back. Dean knows about the connection Michael and I had. He knew of the dream like sex Michael and I had. This must feel like an absolute betrayal to him and I don't blame him for feeling that way.

"Cas," Deans voice is almost a whisper when he speaks. "Are you able to go back in? Tear down the wall so we can know more?"

"No," Cas says. "My energy was nearly drained. Something was pushing me back. And no I cannot tear down the wall. It is an angelic wall of protection used to keep things out once a traumatic even happens. So maybe when YN woke up covered in blood the other day. The angel that put it there has to be the one to remove it."

"Then we find that angel," Dean stands up and starts to walk out the room. "That wall needs to come down so we can know more about if Michael is back." He turns back to me. I see some hurt in his eyes and I hate myself for it. What other horrible things have I done?

"I'm sorry," I choke out.

"I know," Dean looks away from me. My heart hurts even more but, I brought this upon myself. "No one speaks a word of this to Sam. He can't know about this yet." Dean leaves the room leaving me with Cas.

Cas walks over to me and helps me to my feet. "Michael is a huge sore spot for Dean. It is a part of his life that he wants to erase. So hearing that he could or is back...just give him some space."

"So it has nothing to do with the mark or the dream sex?" I ask wiping my face of tears.

Cas shakes his head. "Dean knows that Michael only used you as a pawn in his plan."

I fake a smile. "Okay."

The rest of the day is slow. I spent more time in my room that I wanted. Dean doesn't ignore me at all. He checks in on me and makes sure I'm doing okay. He makes sure I have water or soda or even a strong drink at hand and some food to eat. This eases my mind some. Dean even tells me that he isn't mad about my past with Michael. Just that we have to deal with him again.

The real reason why I'm in my room is that Sam is back at the bunker and every time I saw his face before retreating into my room, I saw Maggies happy face when she talked about Sam and then I would see her lifeless face. The blood that slowly flowed from her neck. I knew that I couldn't face Sam without him knowing the truth.

"So when should we go after this spineless dick?" Dean says in my doorway. He's holding a six pack and a box of pizza. He looks so attractive right now. Any girls dream come true. I remember first meeting him, he was the kind to have multiple one night stands. Then slowly those stopped and eventually he somehow started to chase me and I guess death wouldn't stop that.

"I honestly don't know," I pat the spot next to on my bed and Dean waltz on in. Its a lie and I don't want him knowing I already have a plan in place. Dean cracks open two beers and hands me one while I get myself a slice of pizza. "The more I want to know what else I've done the more I'm scared as hell to find out." Now thats the truth. I want to know but freaked the fuck out that I could have killed another human to bring Michael back.

"Whatever we plan," Dean takes my hand and kisses it. For someone who claims he hates the romance part of relationships he does that part really well. "We are in this together."

"Together," I repeat.

After a few old crappy movies, Dean is out. His soft snores tell me he's already in a deep sleep. I pick up the beer bottles and pizza box and stuff them in the kitchen trash. I make my way back to the room and stare at Dean sleeping there in my bed. I could lay next to him for another hour but I know I will pass out and I wouldn't have another opportunity like this again.

Taking a deep breath and swallowing hard, I pull out a duffle bag and start to shove clothes and stuff into the bag. I sneak to Deans room and throw a few guns in another bag. I head back to my room and leave a small note for Dean propped up on a glass of water. I lean towards him and kiss his forehead. I hate to do this and it kills me but, I need to do this. To protect Dean.

I make my way  towards the kitchen again and grab a random set of keys to the many cars in the bunker. Just as I was about to walk into the bunker garage, I run right into Sam.

"Hey there," Sam steadies me. "Dean says you haven't been feeling good." Then he notices the bags I carry. "You're leaving?"

I scoot pass Sam without making any kind of eye contact with him. I can't look him in the eyes knowing what I did. "I have a lead on how to get my memories back. I'm going to check it out."

"By yourself?" Sam asks. "Dean told me that Cas tried to access your memories but you have a very strong wall up. Only the angel who put it there will be able to take it down."

I decide to turn around and look at Sam. He doesn't know and he looks at peace right now. "I have to." I adjust the bags on my shoulders as they are starting to feel heavy. "It deals with Michael and I don't want Dean to be apart of this because of Michael. We don't know if his body will get hijacked again." Thats a lie, I remember that dream I had on the way to the bunker where there was vessel like thing in the room with a dreaded hair man. Maybe that's Hezekiah.

"Well let me come with you," Sam suggets.

"No," I quickly say. "You can't. You have to stay here."

Sam stares at me. I can tell that he's trying to figure out what's going on. I can see the red flags that he sees. "Something happened that Dean doesn't want me to know, is that right? I can tell in your eyes that you're freaked out."

I lick my lips. "A memory he doesn't want you knowing about just yet."

"What is it?" Sam asks firmly.

I take a deep breath. Dean is going to super pissed at when he finds out that I told his baby brother. Swallowing deeply I say, "The memory that Cas was able to pull out from me was me killing Maggie."

As if it were in slow motion, I see Sams face fall. I watch the color drain from his face. Sadness, pain and anger replace whatever emotions he had on before. He just stares at me and I see a small tear from his eyes. All I want to do is hug him and tell him how sorry I am. But I know nothing i do will be able to make him feel better.

I quickly turn on my heel and rush to the garage. I throw my bag into the car whose key I chose and was on the road in less than ten minutes. A minute later my phone rings. I look at it and see that it's Dean calling.

[stimmypaw]

Stimmypaw reads Darkest Night! The fourth text post!

Back with these uh live reading comments! Remember those? yeah! I'm on the fourth book of Warrior Cats: A Vision of Shadows :D I read The Apprentice's Quest and Thunder and Shadow and Shattered Sky and now!! I'm here :D and boy did I have a time. Click read more to see it!

NEEDLETAIL?????????

Needletail???????????

What?????

OH???????

Wh THIS GUY IS TALKIN 2 DEAD PEOPLE????

HOW WHO IS THAT

OH MY GOD

These guys are weak and dumb skyclan is epic and sharing the territory with them is good, but of course sparkpelt isn't dealing well with change wink wink nudge wink nudge nudge huh???? (this is a nod to how I project into her and say shes autistic)

I am getting anxious for tinycloud SERIOUSLY how much longer until those kits??? Everyday you show up and its WOW my tummy ssure is HUGE AND BULGING I just Wonder Oh When They'll Be Born, probably pretty soon!!! :) and then they arent!!!! Birth dammit!!!

Cherryfall cut the sick and hurt cats some slack jeez youre Fine, youre not feeding half the forest and you have THREE medicine cats ready to help you if youre not feeling well

Bastard Cherryfall I hate you /lh

Dovewing and Tigerheart have relationship drama again. What is UP with those two I simply do not understand them

Watching Bramblestar trying to control this bizarre situation is actually funny he is so close to screaming "PLEASE dont be mad :c"

SOON WHEN???? JUST KIT THOSE KITTENS DAMMIT

Get her, Alderheart

They LITERALLY said something about sharing the territory, they were like "Stars have five points baby and we need those 5 clans togetherrrr" what else do these cats want??? I know its a big change but its necessary

Wait everyone shut up that cat is named Podlight this is so important to me

Dang these cats are really still struggling :c I wish they didnt blame each other

Harestar is so cool

What the FUCK mistystar????

God what a disaster of a gathering Starclan is gonna be so pissed everyone is doing the opposite of what they should

I was holding my breath oof

I hope thunderclan gives some territory too thats too small a space for Skyclan

Oh boy oh boy oh boy i am Anxious for these Kitties

Violetpaw is me having nightmares every night

Macgyver is a heavily gringue name and I have No Clue how to say it how the hell do you say it

Update its either Mick Guyver or Mac Guyver apparently

Its fun to see how different the sisters are from one another, I love them both

I also love their mom with the name identical to puddleshine wish I got to meet her

IM CRYING BRO........M...MDB.....NFBANN.....VIOLETPAW BELONGS MY DARLING MY DAUGHTER

Sadly Twigpaw is for gender binarism 😔 /j

Twigpaw is often in her thoughts and doesn't pay attention to anything around her and I love her for that

Bad news Finpaw is gonna lose his tail, good news I can draw his tail fin-shaped

Puddleshine surgeon moment!!!

I love Graystripe and Millie

And I love that being flirty is a part of Sparkpelt's personality, I don't know what Alderheart is talking about she's always been dandelion-headed

Ok this is epic, I’m glad we’re breaking gender roles in Warrior Cats my heart dropped when the books called Briarlight cr*ppled, that’s the thing they promised not to do anymore recently right? I’m not sure but, I could use some uh less ableism on my Warrior Cats, the series is old but the newer books should be better, so yeah, good modernize these cats babyyy

OH COOL Skyclan journey!!! Fun I hope they find someone :] also fuck Molewhisker and Cherryfall bastards.

Jayfeather is gonna miss Alderheart too much for him to leave hehehe

ALL of Starclan showed up just to call out Riverclan pahahah

oooo is shadowclan haunted?????

FINALLY TINYCLOUD IS KITTING YES GOD YES GO QUEEN GOOOO!!!!

I wonder why Twigpaw wants to stay behind, there has to be more than just the camp stuff

"I wish I were more positive like Twigpaw, but at least I'm just as scarred by the death of my loved ones as my dad :] I like being like him"

Violetpaw witnesses a car crash 😔 that was a bit messy what happened to those cars also why the hell was one of them smaller was it a bike??? Or ???? Idk what's up with it!!!

Needletail just happens to have slow-down turned on for her on the discord chat so she can only say like a few words each hour :/ why the hell is she here tho Violetpaw needs to get OVER your death!!!!

This short exchange has made me love Dewpaw

Also, I love Twigpaw, I still wonder why she stayed behind tho

Ahh, is it cus she feels too estranged from her family :c ? I wish her mom was around maybe that would help

Jee Twigpaw be a tad more empathic, I can see Twigpaw struggles with that sometimes

You can't cheer him up right now he's grieving, just find him on common ground, talk to him, don't try to make him happy just try to keep him company

Oh wow finpaw that's a dangerous thing to say I hope Twigpaw doesn't crumble under the pressure to never be sad because people like her because she's happy and her being sad would be bad

ALSO I JUST REMMEMBRERD UH TWIGPAW MENTIONED BRIARLIGHT BUT BERRYNOSE IS RIGHT THERE???? HE IS RIGHT HE DIDNT DIE OFF SCREEN IM SURE OF IT WAIY

BERRYNOSS IS RIGHT THERE I CHDCKED!!!! HE LOST HIS TAIL TOO AND HES A GREAT WARRIOR, TWIGPAW!!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED IT ITS MORE RELATABLE

Okay I'm glad they're getting along this is nice

Oh look twigpaw you Are like your father :] this is cute

Skyclan begins to fish competitively I'm glad

I like it when medicine cats bicker about their leader's behaviors ehheheh, Jayfeather talking about how weak Shadowclan is, Alderheart being annoyed at his father for wanting to stay silent, the others worried about the tensions this is all cheff the kisser

Jayfeather spitting the truths about how Starclan doesn't know shit, and he is very much one to speak

Puddleshine: Rowanstar stepped up the patrols :c

Leadstar: He has warriors enough for that?? Damn good for him

Dang poor Skyclan I hope they manage stuff better soon

Oooo the girls are fighting!!!

Alderheart starclan anxiety time dang

Sheep :]

Needletail :[

I'm sad Ravenpaw isn't here, this is a lovely reunion scene but knowing Barley will be alone when they all leave breaks my heart

Oh, maybe not, but if they stay I'll be sad also cus Skyclan needs its warriors

Aw man, Twigpaw is struggling :c

OUCH

I WANT SKYCLAN 2 SWIM THO......

Omg crimes

That sounds kinda possessive twigpaw!

DOVEWING?????

T

WhHAHAGAHAHA WHERE DID THAT COME FROM

omg tigerstar 2 real

Whats he gonna do to rowanstar???

ALRIGHT THATA OVER THEN PAHAHA

Aw, I'm glad they're having fun tho, and that twigpaw sees herself as skyclan

Alderheart, as he meets someone for the first time in a while: ARE YOU OKAY???

Blackstar protagonist moment

The medicine cats: our gods are toying with us again and destiny is uncertain

Leaders: I cannot DO this right now PLEASE leave and let me care for The Real Issues

Alderheart: YOU WILL hang out at my house Willowshine this isn't up for debate

Riverclan suffered enough and it's their turn to throw a tantrum about it, honestly good for them hsghahah

Alderheart asks his father to go on a quest to check people's feet

WHAT THR HELL IS A CANTANKEROUS

Alderheart and Willowpelt sitting there watching Shadowclan fight

This is really funny

HEWWO????

Puddleshine, in his eyes: help help

I love Skyclan

Ok this sounds like it's gonna be very very fun

Mission impossible: Escape From São Paulo

Oh, is Fallowfern deaf? That's so poggers omg I wanna see more of her

Edit: fallowfern is an elder that lost her hearing with age and retired after that happened :/ boring

I love leafstar so much

Juniperclaw: aren't you gonna punish her????

Leafstar: why

Juniperclaw: when I tell rowanstar he's gonna be pissed

Leafstar: don't tell him

Juniperclaw: the fuck is wrong with you and your clan??? Where is everyone???????

Leafstar: busy

Icon

I don't trust abled people specially able-bodied people telling disabled people they just have to train harder and feeling sorry for yourself won't help.

But this is the closest to a positive message to disabled people we have ever had in warriors so I guess I'll take it but I want better

IVYPOOL!!!💖💖💖💖💕

Dang ivypool what a way to show someone you miss them hahaha

Twigpaw: uhhhh how's dovewing?

Ivypool: what do you mean did she do something illegal I'm sure she did

Ivypool is a seriously funny character WHY are you yelling at the young adult about your sisters illegal activities she doesn't know anything about it!!!!

Alderheart goes on an adventure

Feet inspector on the road!!!!

Jasper is so funny I love him

Omg what's he got against clan cats??? What's his sad backstory????

YEESSSS SPARKPELT MY LOVE 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💕💕💕💕💕💕💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💕💕💕

Sparkpelt your opinion sucks but I love you

I'm really really glad they had this moment this is really sweet, they hadn't talked for a while but this is genuine like, we hadn't had this sort of relationship in so long in the books with just, dialogue yknow??? THEYRE TALKING ABOUT THINGS

And the pause Sparkpelt takes between her speaking to fix what she's saying "I'm sorry for saving you :c no wait uhh not exactly but like" this is so good so natural so fun I love you sparkpelt

I get why she has a diferent opinion on Skyclan it's good for someone close to Alderheart to have a different mindset from him and for him to have someone like uh be opposites from him a lil yknow contrats his characteristics makes both siblings fun round and full of kitty do you get what I'm saying???

I love this

I love Sparkpelt, love her lil anxious moments, love her, love that she just wants to fool around with toms and enjoys Larksong but doesn't want to get serious you go girl

They wanted to write smart-ass they wanted to write smart-ass so bad

They're doing this in the rain?????

I'm quite certain Violetpaw is a young adult by this point its valid for her to go

Wh why did you let your cat out in the rain dude!!! When it comes back it's gonna dirty up the whole place it's wet out there!!!! And the cold is gonna get in the house!!!!!!!

I WAS HOLDING MY BREATH OH LORD

That was SO INTENSE AND SO FUNNY AND SO MUCH, IM SO GLAD SHE MADE IT I GOT SCARED

Oh this is so epic

That moment when your cat nearly dies and then it runs off and you go after it and then a bunch of other cats show up and start running with it

I hope Twigpaw can see the others soon

Glad to see her keeping her medicine cat knowledge ehehehe

???????

Sandynose I hate you you are so abled

Sandynose: I don't want my son to feel distanced from his peers so I'm distancing him from his peers

DOVEWING???

SANDYNOSE SHUT UP IM GOING TO KILL YOU ANS MURDER YOU

I'm so upset with Sandynose WHY isn't leafstar seeing this WHY DOESNG ANYONE SEE THIS SOMSONE PLEASE CONFORT AND LOVE MY CHILD TWIGPAW DOESNT DESERVE THIS

Angry sad upset why

Piscina

Thanks graystripe

Ok who's dying this time

Ok no one just a background cat got hurt he will survive otherwise it would be relevant

This was intense though what will happen now???

YES FINALLY

Oh this is lovely so good they're here!!! The rest of skyclan has arrived and we are all happy together

That dream felt good

NEEDLETAIL??? AGAIN

Where were you at!!!!

What!!!

Check this man's feet how many toes are there this could be good

What

Hegshahwha what the fuck is up with this guy

Okay I like him

Ohhh THATS tree

Change your name if you don't like it you sound trans already

Yeah nothing makes one smarter like dying

This is very fun I'm excited for more of whatever happening

Twigpaw :c

HIS SNIFFLES

Oh no

Hhhhnn I want Twigpaw to be happy so bad, I hate seeing her struggles

Sandynose you are so evil and very detested by me

You can and you SHOULD feel angry at Sandynose he SUCKS and he is being needlessly mean at you!!!!! There are much better ways to bring up the possibility that maybe you'd be happier with thunderclan!!! Fuck off Sandynose

Oh so Snowbush hasn't improved, maybe he will die?

Poor Alderheart

Oh fuck there he goes

Yeah

Aw man, rip to the background cat

That was a heavy death too

Aw, I was hoping the rest of Skyclan would show up before the gathering, maybe just after it???

I wonder what's going on in Shadowclan

TIGERHEARTS MISSING HUH???

The couple was kidnapped

HUH????

Oh my lord oh fuck

Can't anyone step up to lead why do they depend on Tigerheart so much???

Jesus christ

Alderheart kills his gods

This is so chaotic and funny I'm worried as hell for shadowclan but excited a lot is happening

HI TREE AGSGAHAH

Tawnypelt >:(

Puddleshine: WAIT DONT KICK HIM OUT, CHECK OUT HIS FREAKY FEET INSTEAD

Oh dear

Twigpaw :c

TWIGPAW :CCCC Man rememebr when I said I hope Twigpaw doesn't crumble under the pressure of being happy for others? yeah

GET OUT SANDYNOSE I DONT CARE YOURE BEING REASOMABLE FOR ONCE YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN LATER

:C

I'm so heartbroken for them

Uh pdhsgahab okay then

Bye finpaw

Wow that was easy for him

This is fun

I'm still sad as hell

Okay there's a lot going on right now wow

The owl scene was funny as hell to picture, this dramatic prophetic moment and the cats just "uuggh is that a prophecy??? Nooo"

Okay so

There's some shadowclan cats missing, considering the many sleekwhisker maps I'm sure she's up to no good but I have no clue what happened to the others and I hope they're okay

Wow! That was really something

Fantastic ending to a very good book its, definitely a different energy from the third but I'm really enjoying this I'm still excited as hell!!! I got worried things would get kinda bad from here but nope!!!! Very fun stuff for now this is very very good and I am enjoying it

This is definitely one of the most fun arcs I've read so far!!! The drama the stakes the little moments everything is tying together really well into a very fun story I'm enjoying a lot!

I worry for Twigpaw and hope for her happiness, and Violetshine too, hope her and Hawkwing deal well with missing her. Tree is being interesting. Alderheart wasn't much of a focus here but always fun to see him trying to solve the damn prophecy no leaders seem to care about. Mousewhisker was okay??? Lots of very fantastic turns for all events and uh let's see where this all goes next!!!

[retphienix]

Ah. What a game this has been so far.

Now I had a million thoughts I wanted to share as this played out, lord knows I’ll forget a good portion of them but that’s the nature of my own ineptitude- plenty of things I’ll remember MILES after this post or only if prompted in a specific way and that’s just how it is.

To start- this isn’t the end of DQ11 for the blog just yet. I usually don’t dive into post game unless it feels right or people ask and I’m convinced- and more or less both happened this time. It does feel right- I have definite goals I want to tackle before saying I’m happy with what I did here- and more than one person has mentioned that the post game is worth touching so I’ll be doing that.

Also, for those unfamiliar with my long winded utter mess of a finale post style I go for- this is a lot of rambling as I try my best to touch on my thoughts on the game overall because I like to share. Feel free to just press “J” on your keyboard and skip right passed this- I know **I** struggle to focus my eyes to read long winded posts so I won’t blame you.

Also also, in order to try and spark some of those thoughts I had during this recording the first bit is gonna be me re-watching it as I wait on the video to finish processing and saying what comes up.

To start- really wish there was a save point there lol. I get that it’s a painfully easy backtrack to the save point at the start of the castle- but still, I like convenience.

The Dark Lord’s first form is a huge step up from his form before absorbing Yggdrasil and this first form fight was fun and had me itching to say some good things about it but honestly? I want to save praise for the fight that deserves it- phase 2.

PHASE TWO THOUGH!? GOD TIER RPG FIGHT.

I’ve seen better, sure, but come on, we’ve ALL seen better at all times on all things especially considering preferences coming into it- this was a 10/10 boss fight, top to bottom.

Design? Beautiful. Even continued the DQ obsession with puns with his tail being Mordragon, that is so PERFECT so ‘chef kiss’ flawless and it’s just a name. I LOVE how he looks. I LOVE how he moves around the arena changing which head you’re facing.

I love how each had different strengths to contend with (which I abruptly fucked up, don’t call me out, I’ll prove I know what was going on right here and right now-). The dragon had strong melee and breath attacks while the dark lord himself had magic aplenty.

I even utilized swapping out for the first time ever not because I hadn’t seen the value beforehand (I’ve spoken on how interesting a strategic option it was seeing as every unit has unique moves to bring to the table and it costs nothing but ATB for that unit to do).

Now, I fucked that up, but I did it purely because this is the first fight up to this point that felt right to do so. It’s the first time the tactical value of switching out to buff defenses with Hendrik outvalued ignoring that option and maintaining my ATB on whomever I would switch out. THAT FELT SO GOOD! And then I let my braindead fingers buff defense on a magic phase and you see the point. It was brilliant but I was not!

I did end up ignoring the option after a few turns not because the value wasn’t there, but because he ALSO spams stat neutralizing moves which made me reconsider focusing so heavily on buffs and instead focusing on maintaining steady heals (mostly with Hustle dance).

This fight? Beautiful. I loved every second of it. I loved adjusting my playstyle on the fly, I loved finding my footing. I just loved it.

Beyond that- the ending. I got a chuckle out of how abrupt the credits come in. It seems to wind up for an end sequence only for Erik to say “Well, let’s go home” and it cuts to the credits- but THEN the credits ARE the end sequence so it wasn’t ACTUALLY as abrupt as it seemed, but it got a laugh out of me.

Now those credit scenes? I’m a sucker for games that make you fall in love with the characters and this was an ending catering to those characters. Not too much to say outside of “I was smiling the entire time” which is true.

There were a couple moments in that sequence that I said aloud “JUST HUG HIM YOU COWARD” to various characters, like Hero and Rab, or the two dorks (hero and Gemma), etc.

And they played on the mystique of the post game’s content well enough to pull people in I’d say- certainly more than what I recall DQ8 doing with the dragon trials.

I am probably wrong, but I recall the game drawing next to no attention to that post game content aside from a few moments in the game dragging you to the location only to not let you access it (hinting at more being there).

Anyway.

Honestly, after rambling about the video itself I feel a lot of what I wanted to say about DQ11 was said during the playthrough just fine. I rarely feel that way.

DQ11 was fun.

As a DQ fan, you can best believe I had fun.

As a stick in the mud who is disillusioned toward the game industry and doesn’t like a lot of the filth that accumulates within it- I obviously have a few negative thoughts on the game, but there really aren’t perfect games so much as perfect experiences based on how it affected you.

And I’ve voiced those annoyances plenty I think. For completion sake there are cut corners on animations that seem off when other places have a ton of attention to detail, that’s like bottom rung “I don’t actually give a shit” stuff though.

The bigger problems were Sugiyama is a horrible piece of human garbage and the game is lesser because of his influence on it. There are plenty of reasons behind that both big and small. Big- it feels gross having a human shitsack touching this game after having been so vocal for years- there are replacements at the ready and we still have his LGBT hating, war crime denying fingers handling the music? Shameful.

Small (but man did it fucking suck) being that every five minutes I was annoyed at the music in this game. It sounds Bad. And I mean both orchestral and midi, it’s not great compared to anything he made before for DQ, but the fact that it’s midi in this is EAR BLISTERING.

I’m not one to listen close to most music while playing for whatever reason- and I admit that knowing who’s responsible is half of why my ears tuned it in instead of tuning it out, but man I couldn’t help it and it sucks.

The same 3 second ear rattling loops are ALL OVER THE PLACE. Grandiose moments are cut short by bland midi tunes. MAIN STORY MOMENTS ARE LACKING MUSIC ALTOGETHER FOR SOME REASON? When the hero gets the flute and plays it for the first time it just DIDN’T MAKE A NOISE? Subsequent uses of the flute made a noise, but not the main first cutscene?

It’s a whole thing.

And don’t make me get that dirty capitalist pain in my chest over the fact the S version was released 2 months after this and includes so much content that SCREAMS “This already existed and we diced and quartered it specifically to create the illusion of ‘value’ for this release”. Disgusting, man. :/

Gameplay wise, the biggest complaint I have is so loaded and half hearted but I have to say it anyway.

DQ is good because it’s simple.

DQ can also be a little lacking because it’s simple.

This was the second most fun I’ve had playing a main series DQ game (DQIII just hits right), and it definitely has better gameplay (so my opinion is subjective) than the one I prefer to this. But it was also a bit too simple... But you can’t change that and be DQ, it’s complicated.

To just say it- other than the final boss every encounter was a bit too easy. And I know I overlevel, I know that’s the point, I know there’s a hard mode modifier- I KNOW, but the final boss was REALLY GOOD AND still not too hard, so the fact that most every other encounter did the minimum or the minimum +1 is a little tiny (just a bit) disappointing because the gameplay could have been that much better.

But. That could just be my head spinning tales and being a biased asshole especially since I’m not offering any solution here and I’m admitting it’s both “better than my favorite gameplay in the main series” and “probably can’t be made more involved without losing DQ simplicity”.

But I’d kill for some different or new systems on top of this- dual and triple techs from Chrono instead of RNG pep, bosses with more varied strategies instead of “stun 2-3 and do raid wide attack”.

A reason to care about elemental damage (both incoming and outgoing), plenty of little things that would just make the already solid as hell combat more interesting to participate in.

Story was honestly fantastic. I didn’t know how I was going to end that until I just let it come. It was. This is the best DQ story thus far, and not to limit it to that scope- this was a GOOD DAMNED STORY overall and I’ve played a fuckload of games with good stories.

Before this I was a sucker for the original trilogy’s overarching story, which is unfair because that’s 3 games and that’s an old story and it’s only “good” because it’s unprecedented. But this is just plain great.

It writes such beautiful characters- it tackles a variety of conflicts both big and small- you have Sylv and his dad, you have a possessed king declaring his daughter Jade dead and Jade knowingly betraying him without knowing he’s possessed, you have Erik giving up on life and only putting himself so deeply into this adventure as a means of escape, you have Hendrik’s loyalty being- I can’t pretend Hendrik fits in he’s fucking stupid and needs to ask questions because loyalty for the sake of loyalty isn’t interesting at all lol.

You have Rab believing the world is doomed and doing all he can with Jade up until they find you are alive. You have the INCREDIBLE story of Veronica and Serena- you have all these intensely lovable and understandable characters (and Hendrik) and the story is so much more about them than just about the dark lord and the hero.

It’s so much more about each of their conflicts and growth because all of that is HOW the hero will defeat the dark lord.

It’s just so much more... investing than any of the stories I’ve had in DQ before and strong as hell amongst stories beyond just DQ.

I loved this. It was emotional at times, it was downright depressing at times which I wouldn’t expect DQ to successfully hit, it was downright rewarding getting to know these characters and I feel fantastic having beaten this.

This game is fucking good. I finally understand why some people have told me this is their favorite DQ now. It... yeah I think it might be mine too.

I’d be much more likely to revisit DQ3 than this because it’s shorter and has a specific kind of RPG (class based with freely recruited partners instead of named party members) I find more fun to revisit, but yeah, I think I agree.

I think for main-series DQs this is it, this is my favorite. It has to be, right? It’s got so many INCREDIBLE story moments and it’s pretty and it plays great- yeah. Hell, Sylvando as a character and Serena and Veronica’s arc BY THEMSELVES convince me of that.

Still got nothing on DWM and DWM 2 on the GBC, WOOOOT! Didn’t expect this post to divert from a serious closing thoughts (despite there being a few more posts to come) topic to posting this did you?

Behold the true faces of DQ perfection.

[benisasoftboi]

Unorganised thoughts on Trails in the Sky: First Chapter:

Going to keep this as spoiler free as possible because I want you to play this game if you haven’t

I’m well aware that I’m very late to the party here, but... Trails in the Sky is very good, everyone

It had been on my Steam list for like six years. My friend reminded me about the summer sales, and a combination of the price having dropped and good reviews convinced me to finally pick it up. And I am so glad I did

Calling it ‘FC’ from here on out because the title is long, and I can’t exactly uses the acronym that Trails in the Sky shortens to, can I?

So I love JRPGs. I almost exclusively play JRPGs. And FC, to me, is kind of the JRPG. It does basically everything that is expected of the genre, but it doesn’t feel generic because it does all of those things very, very well

Gameplay! The gameplay is fun, a good mix of allowing for strategy and tactics without being massively difficult. I really appreciate that - I don’t play JRPGs because I’m good at video games, but I also don’t like just mindless hitting things all that much 

There are one or two slight annoyances with the combat system (if you’re fighting a lot of enemies you’ll be waiting forever for them all to take their turns, some of the animations are a little slow, when you’re in the field enemies touching anyone in your party can start a battle, which means you have to be extra careful where you step when you have a full party), but none of them are game ruining

And there are no random encounters! Yay! I hate random encounters!

Story! FC’s story isn’t the most unique JRPG story out there, but there’s lots of little touches I greatly appreciated

For one, (trying to work out how to say this without spoilers) - I really liked the main antagonist’s motivations. So very often it’s ‘destroy the world’ or ‘become God King of the universe’ or something. This person had a very understandable and honestly kind of reasonable motivation - like, you could really see how someone would think it was a good idea, the problem wasn’t that they were evil, it was that they either hadn’t considered or didn’t care about the negative consequences it could have on the average citizen. 

Also, the conflicts don’t just stem from like, tangible nefarious forces - you also see how it results from things like untreated PTSD, or industrialisation, or societal sexism. Which is more compelling than ‘everything bad in the world is the result of the evil dragon god, kill it’  

There’s also really good foreshadowing. During a certain scene at the end of the game, I actually gasped when I realised the connection it had with a certain character’s second S-Break. I will say no more, but people who’ve played this know what I’m talking about

Characters! FC has great characters

Estelle: I like Estelle. Firstly, it’s pretty rare for a JRPG to have a female protagonist (hell, it’s relatively rare to even be given the option to play as a girl!), so that was very cool. She has good character growth over the course of the game, and I really enjoy that - she starts out very hyper and optimistic, and she never loses that, but gets better about recognising the right times and places for it. It’s a pretty risky move to give the protagonist of a long game a personality (you have to spend a lot of time with them. Silent player avatars are easier and don’t run the risk of the player not liking them), but with Estelle, it pays off

Joshua: Joshua is very well designed. He’s the game’s real mystery - the whole time, we want to keep playing so we can find out what’s up with him. Appearance-wise he’s unique among the rest of the cast without coming across as ‘my first OC’, he has a great rapport with Estelle and I like him in his own right -  I want good things for Joshua. 

Joshua and Estelle are just a great duo in general. I found the romance subplot... weird, at first, but I came around. I want these kids to be happy, damn it!

Schera: Not my favourite, but good at what she needs to be. My least favourite to use in combat. I like her mentor relationship with Estelle and Joshua, and I also like her design

Olivier: MY BOY. I love him. He’s so great, I love ‘weirdo’ characters and he’s great example of one. I love his design, I love using him in combat, I love his interactions with other characters - Olivier is just the best and I want to be friends with him irl.

(It’s also pretty neat that he’s undeniably canonically biseuxal - that’s a rarity!)

Kloe: She’s fine. Not a huge fan (probably didn’t help her that she joins the party after MY BOY leaves), but I definitely don’t dislike her. She just feels a little generic, is all, and I predicted the ‘twist’ with her a mile off. I love using her in combat, though, and I really like her design

Tita: Tita is cute, and she’s a little girl with a big gun, which is always great, if silly. How old is she meant to be, though???

Agate: I 100% thought that I wasn’t going to like Agate. He comes in with that Arrogant Asshole Shounen Protagonist vibe and I hate that. But then you get to know him, and you realise that his earlier attitude was actually pretty understandable, and by the end he was actually one of my favourites

Zin: Eh. Like Kloe, I don’t hate him, but there’s just kind of nothing that draws me in with Zin. I think he joins too late, and doesn’t have enough time to really build up an interesting rapport with anyone. I liked his interactions with Olivier, though, and he’s pretty great to use - I have a massive bias for defensive characters 

Maybe I’ll feel differently about some or all of them when I’ve played the second game - we shall see...

There’s also a tonne of major NPCs, pretty much all of whom I liked (except maybe Dorothy - I don’t hate her, but she kind of got old after a while. I appreciate that Estelle found her equally annoying)

But the other thing that’s really worth mentioning is the minor, faceless NPCs. Because they all have names and little stories and lives - like, when you’re in the city of Ruan, there’s a maintenance worker named Clive who’s offered a prestigious factory job. He turns it down to look after his brother Todd, which upsets Todd because he doesn’t want to hold Clive back. Then when you move on to the city of Zeiss, you can visit the factory and learn that they’re now struggling to find someone else. Eventually they hire a woman names Louise, who ends up being an excellent choice - but if you visit her home, you find out she has a strained relationship with her own sibling

And none of this matters to the plot at all! You can miss this entirely, but the fact that it (and hundreds of little stories like it) are there makes the world feel so alive. It’s full of people living their own lives that don’t revolve around what your team is doing. It feels real.

We’re told that Estelle and Joshua have to travel the world by foot so that they really understand what it is they’re tasked with protecting. It took me way too long to realise that it’s also so that the player understands, too

So many JRPGs ask you to save the world. FC is special because it actually feels like there’s a world to save

Now I’m going to go play the second game and hope they keep that up!

[bangtanxm]

Bookclub; February Highlight

February is the month of love and as we all know, love doesn’t happen over night. Whether it is angst, sexual tension or pining we all love to be on the edge of our seat hoping and begging that they would finally get together. So, naturally this month theme was “Slow Burn” and these are our our monthly fanfic recommendations from our bangtanxm; bookclub!

In the following you find a list of fics we recommend and reviewed this month. Please support these amazing authors! With every monthly recommendation, there is also a drabble game that everyone can participate in. You’ll find the masterlist at the end of the reviews. Happy Reading!

BOOKCLUB; recommendations

TIDES WILL BRING ME BACK TO YOU by @sujigguk​ [aka @ftyoonmin​]

— Summary; Fate is a funny thing. Humble fisherman, Yoongi, learns this when one evening, it's not a fish that sits at the end of his hook, but a bottle, containing a note claiming that a creature of the sea by the name of Jeongguk has been left stranded on land and is soon to draw his last breath.

bookclub; review

“This story immediately pulls you in with the amazing story-telling. Lou has a way of writing so beautifully detailed that it makes you imagine the amazing scenes in your head vividly. On top of that, it is a really heart wrenching love story, mixed with a wonderful fantasy theme of siren Jungkook and his fishermen Yoongi.” [@softjeon​]

“Wow. So, Tides Will Bring Me Back to You has been on my to read list for quite a while. I regret my choices in not reading it until now. This fic was an absolute work of art. The singular amazing thing I want to point out is the attention to detail. So, we as readers expect fics to be good, especially AUs. Like we want some world building and detail so that we can visualize the setting and location and what is going on with the characters that are being put into this new world. This fic was able to do that but MORE. The attention to the setting detail was unbelievable. There was so much in terms of vivid descriptors and explanations that painted this super vivid and pretty image in my mind. I’m scared of the ocean to be honest, so I have never gone out on a ship beyond like, a lake. And have only ever seen the ocean from the safe confines of the beach. But because of the detail in this fic, I was able to visualize it so perfectly and vividly, it felt like I was really there.I really enjoyed Jungkook as well. Obviously he’s a gorgeous young man in real life, right? Which is why I liked this fic because it wasn’t this stunning perfect man from the waist up, you know? He had the scaly back, the webbed fingers, the sharp and kinda creepy teeth, etc. I think that this made it more “realistic”, as realistic as a mermaid fic can get of course, but like… I don’t know, it felt more real and added a layer of uniqueness to the fic that a lot of supernatural AUs tend to lack in fanfic terms. Also, the ending. Some might struggle with this because it was so ambiguous (no spoilers of course) but I really liked it. Though I’m sure the author had like a set “this is how it is” ending or explainer, I like that it’s this sort of grey area for readers to think on and figure out.” [anon]

“Omg, I really loved this fic. It's a bit longer than I normally read because work sort of keeps me away from reading more than writing haha but I really loved how Yoongi had this NEED to help a stranger he had no idea existed or not. Then to watch their love blossom that way and Yoongi protect Jungkook. It's also cute that Jungkook calls Yoongi 'My Yoongi' and Yoongi first thought it was a mispronunciation of his name. I do love mercreatures too, so that also drew me to this one. I loved the details and the tidbits of background we get from Yoongi and his love for the sea/sea creatures. Sorry, this is just all over the place.” [anon]

BABY BLUE by @chimknj​

— Summary; Jimin is blue. He’s loyal to his customers and confident in everything he does. Namjoon is white. He’s pristine and maintains a perfect balance in life. When the two come together, they create baby blue, a color of freshness and something new. It’s new for both of them, but not all new things are bad.

bookclub; review

“What an amazing story! Even though Minjoon is basically already "together", although Namjoon is just paying Jimin to be there, it is just heartbreaking to read about how Jimin tries to get to know the other more, trying to get him out of his shell and falling in love while he is doing it. All while Namjoon tries to stick to his rules making it so much harder for Jimin, himself and the reader....cause damn!!! I could have screamed the characters sometimes and it literally hurt my hurt so much each time Namjoon pushed Jimin away ;; I can't.... I wanna cry just thinking about it again.” [@softjeon​]

“...beautifully written plot, where you just want to punch Namjoon in the face until he finally reveals his true feelings.” [anon]

“I didn’t mean to consume over 70,000 words in one sitting. I honestly didn’t. Over a few days, over a week. Space it. But I knew I was lost at the end of chapter one, the same way Namjoon knew he was lost the second Jimin’s cute hands started unbuttoning his shirt after date night.Honestly. This fic had everything. I laughed a lot, I cried way more than I’d like to admit to, I had the urge to take a cold shower more than once, I wanted to take Joon by his perfectly ironed lapels and shake the ever-loving crap out of him. Honestly though, it felt like a full-length novel. I mean it was, by length, but also by content. The world that was created was beautifully devised and detailed, and everything from the various business names to the design of the apartments was so easy to visualize due to the richness of the descriptors. Personally, I appreciate that. It adds to the ‘movie playing in my head’ way that I like to read.The smut was unbelievably well written. It was sexy without feeling too unrealistically “porn film fantasy” if that makes sense. Like the progression felt natural and easy rather than being rushed or faked like some fics tend to do. It was clear the author did the required research in terms of D/s and wrote what felt very accurately.I loved the involvement of the other members, I think they all played really great, vital roles as side characters. And honestly, they were so rich in their own right that I would love spin offs about their own arrangements with their respective partners!The ending was absolutely sweet and perfect too. I spent the whole fic praying it’d end in a way that was satisfactory to my wrenching heart and I feel like it gave me every single thing I wanted and more.” [anon]

EVERYGREEN by @softjeon​ & @cassiavioletblue​

— Summary; Yoongi felt that something was wrong the moment he had stepped foot into the garden. He hated that this sense of foreboding could mean anything and he had seen enough to have a very vivid imagination of what could wait in the bushes for him. His grip was tight and ruthless but when he felt he weight of something heavier he startled. In front of him on the grass, bloody and shaking was a deer hybrid; a boy, obviously younger than himself and apparently in a lot of pain.

bookclub; review

“Whuff. There's hybrid fics. And then there's THIS hybrid fic. I know that hybrid fics are one of those things you either love em or hate em, I honestly couldn't find a thing to dislike about this fic even if I tried. Firstly Yoongi as the grumpy on the outside (but squishy on the inside) raccoon is perfection. Imagining his markings and those growls and grumbles -- it's so endearing. And then there's JK who, a deer? Oh come on, I'm soft. Imagining him with the broken little antler and those soft, cute markings V_V It's tooth rotting, I swear. But for all the fluff and sweetness, there's this layer of angst and hesitation that makes this feel like such a deep, melancholy slowburn. The will they - won't they, the pull of each and push back, the "I can't" and "I want" -- GUH. Really, it's just so sweet and perfect.” [@kimlinebiased​]

“I read Evergreen as it came out. It seemed like such a cute take on a trope that’s pretty common in our fandom, but one I’m less comfortable with, so I was really eager to see these authors’ take on it, since I knew I love their work already. The story opened up with action that sucked you in almost immediately, but it really balanced that with some slower, almost peaceful moments. I think that’s a really big draw of this story, really these authors overall, but this one in particular. They have a handle on the ebb and flow of the story. What I mean is, things happen and it’s exciting and oh god cliffhanger, but then things slow down and give the reader a second to breathe (but not too long, because then it would get boring). The balance between breathing space and action can be really hard to balance and I think these two do it really well.  For this particular story, I think my favorite character is actually Namjoon. Sure, he doesn’t have a huge part, but I think he’s super well written and quite in character to the canonical person. (All of them are in their own way, but he sticks out to me). He’s so supportive but not afraid to tell Yoongi the truth even if it’ll sting. Further, he isn’t perfect. He lets his heart get in the way of his head sometimes (like with Jimin) and it makes him really endearing and realistic in a refreshing way. I think that he’s one of those absolutely indispensable characters in this particular world. Like sometimes, it’s easy to switch members, have x play y’s part, y play b’s part, etcetera. But I think that Namjoon’s part was written so perfectly, it fits him like a glove and made it really enjoyable when he was on the page. The plot has some things that the reader can “call” so to speak – like you might read and know there’s gonna be trouble for JK, he’s gonna get tangled up in the mess in some way, but even thinking you know, it’s still done in a way that it doesn’t take away from the enjoyment and “oh no” factor when the big climax does finally get rolling. Just like you know pretty sure, it’ll end happy, I still found myself worried about ‘well what if it doesn’t’. And I think that’s a testament to the authors, really. They are able to take these fanfic tropes and make them feel fresh and new, so even if you feel like you might know what will happen, the way that they weave the story together makes those emotions still hit in a really palpable way.I’d also like to discuss the overall setting of the story. There’s only a few locations that the readers really get a feel for, but particularly the cabin. I think that the descriptions of the cabin and forest and general development of the backstory and setting was really well done. Things like hybrid or other non-human AU’s can be really tricky to keep interesting but still give the right amount of backstory and description so that they aren’t confusing. We as readers need to know the rules, but not have a history textbook, and I think this fic really accomplished that as well.Overall, I just really enjoyed the feeling and emotions that this fic caused. I think that it was able to really convey some important messages while still being woven into a sweet, unique love story. [anon]

THE JUSTITIA PUGNATORES by ShoshinLaurels [AO3]

— Summary; When stable boy Park Jimin's best friend, crowned Prince Kim Taehyung finds himself under threat in his own palace, his guards dropping like flies, the only option left is to call on the Justitia Pugnatores, the 'Justice Fighters.'Three men boasting incredible skill and legendary pasts come barrelling through the heart of the palace, shaking everything in their wake.As the dilemma of the princes impending chances of murder only escalates, Jimin finds himself wrapped up in a mess of secrets, heartache and suspiscion.If only Min Yoongi didn't complicate things. 

bookclub; review

“It's been a while since I read this, but I would happily read it in one sitting all over again. I'm a sucker for royal settings and I absolutely ADORED the dynamics of this one. It's just the right amount of angsty and fluffy, and keeps you hooked throughout.” [@sujigguk​]

“Damn these apples! I really loved this fic out of various of reasons, the relationship between the characters are amazingly written, the setting and overall plot is so well thought out and it just has the perfect mixture between angst, fluff and comedy… i mean, just the first chapter had me laughing so much.” @softjeon​

THE WAY GUCCI LOOKS ON YOU by @joonsrack​

— Summary; “Funny how even in this ridiculously absurd situation, life had made Taehyung a third-wheel. Or a sixth.If Bangtan Dry Cleaning was his fairy godmother, Jimin his little mouse, the jacket his magic dress and the club scene his ball, where the fuck was his prince charming?A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts.”

bookclub; review

“So, this fic is really is so cute. I started in on it just casually, but found myself entirely sucked in and couldn't put it down until I'd read all that was written on it. Taehyung specifically is such an interesting character - his thought processes and sass are just perfect. I adore Jimin as well. And then there's Jungkook, who is so -INSUFFERABLY ARROGANT- but not in a way that makes you dislike him. He's still so endearing and you WANT these guys to just get off their high horses and kiss or something, but you also kinda want Tae to pour water into his lap because he's such a rich boy. I love it so much. I can't wait for the next part.” [@kimlinebiased​]

“A story that could very well fit a movie! It’s everything you need on a sunday night! You laugh, you want to throw something at their rich faces and scream at the boys to just kiss already. A perfect Slow Burn!” [@softjeon​]

“The way that Gucci look on you (amazing) is such an adorable and absurd (in the best way) slow burn. It’s a wip now, and I honestly cannot wait until the author updates. The case of mistaken identity is such a good trope that honestly, I feel, isn’t done enough. Especially not in such a cute and fun way. Of all the ways for Tae to get outed as not who he said he was – this one was epic. Of course, it’s a slowburn, so you expect the endgame ship to you know, not be huge fans of one another, but the tension here is so palpable, it is awesome. Taehyung cannot stand that cocky little JK and JK’s arrogance is both hilarious and infuriating. But there’s very clearly something deeper to him, and I really like that the author is able to make that clear through hints and clues, rather than just outright saying it. It adds a depth to JK’s character that often gets missed in fics, especially because we know these guys so well, so to speak. Having those sort of subtle nuances really adds to the overall enjoyability of the fic. I think Jimin is such a great supporting character too. He’s the perfect mix of Jiminy Cricket and devil in your ear, so to speak, and his personality comes off as so honest to who he is canonically. It makes him so fun to read. (And the YoonMinSeok trio is helpful as well, what can I say, soft spot for poly even in side pairings). All in all, it’s just an absolutely stunning fic so far and I can’t wait for the author to continue it.” [anon]

UKIYO by Sharleena [AO3]

— Summary; A story of tender tides and unmoving hummingbirds.

bookclub; review

“I'm almost halfway into this story but I really have to rec it cause wow...if you like mafia and urban fantasy themes then this is THAT fic for you listen succbus jimin, mafia leader yoongi, a damn deeply laced mystery that I can't EVEN FREAKING FIGURE OUT I usually can connect a few dots in mystery stories sometimes bUT THIS STORY IS KILLING ME there is someone yoongi is looking for that's destroying his gang and he like DOESN'T FREAKING EXIST and I know once I reach the end I'll be like IT WAS RIGHT FREAKING THERE IN MY FACE lmao but seriously the authors' worldbuilding skills is freaking legendary and I'm always hoe for mixing different themes together and the mix of urban fantasy and mafia just ugh freaking beautiful. The Slow Burn is real in his fic, yoonmins' dynamics are annoying and frustrating as heck but can be really sweet sometimes because they're both very broken individuals and they're trying to find comfort in one another. The themes are obviously very dark so carefully read the tags and also author notes in the beginning so you know what to expect but seriously it's so damn worth it and I will be personally putting a long feedback directly on their Ao3 as well when I'm done because i know I'm going to have lots more to say. BUT SERIOUSLY THIS IS THE SHIIIITTTT SO FAR SO GOOD SO DAMN GOOD I FEEL FED EVERYTIME I READ IT GIVE IT A READ WHEN YOU CAN!!” [@flowerwrites06​]

FAKE SUGAR by minverse [AO3]

— Summary; "I guess," Jungkook pauses momentarily to inhale a deep, bracing breath, "I would just want you to come to my work events and laugh at my jokes and don't correct people if they imply that we're doing it.""Having sex, you mean," Jin clarifies gently, and Jungkook chokes on air. If his face was any redder, Jin would insist on taking him to the hospital. Jungkook clears his throat, obviously trying to play off the strangled, choked sound as a casual cough."Yes. Doing... sex."

bookclub; review

“I love a good concept for fic, and a face sugar dating  au sign me up!!! honestly this is one of my all-time favourite fics, cos its not only funny and entertaining but it has so much heart!!! like i just love the vibe of the fic, and i wish i could keep reading it forever. Plus the characters are so like-able and feel so human. Also jinkook holds a special place in my heart, and jk being all shy in the beginning and jins confidence is an unmatched pairing!!! EVERYONE JUST READ IT, ITS SO FUCKING GOOD, okay im done now sorry…" [@tinysweetscrown​]

“I read this a while ago, and also everything else by minverse... Everything they write is gold, the character construction, the dialogue, the relationship/chemistry, the humour, the plots...just everything. Fake Sugar kept me up at night with its brilliance and originality, i couldn't get enough of jin and jungkook's relationship, but also all the other members' interaction and storyline. It's expertly written and i sincerely think everyone should read it, if they have not already.” [anon]

“Aaaaaah i love this so much!!! I absolutely love the characterisation of jin!!! I find it very refreshing! In some ways it’s completely /jin/ yet in others it’s such a nee and fun way of describing him (the fact that hes a competition eater absolutely sends me its just. So! Jin!) i also love jungkook!!! Tiny gay babie kook having to impress ppl he doesnt want to impress and getting competitive over that dindjdjd once again i could genuienly see it happening! And oh boy oh boy am i excited to see how this story pans out! The little appearances by the rest of bangtan as well i love it! It all flows very naturally and none of the cameos feel forced or anything. AND JIMIN UDJDJDJD I LOVE HIM. the fact that hes just a chaotic brat having dumpster sex and causing trouble oh my god im still crying jsbsjsnjs.” [anon]

The Drabble-Game; MASTERLIST

— prompt; “Romantic attraction is literal: characters feel a pull like gravity to people they’re attracted to. The bigger the attraction, the harder the pull.”

Thank you to everyone who participated! Stay tuned for the next theme of the month to participate!

NUMINOUS written by @softjeon​ & @cassiavioletblue​

— Summary; “You’re fucking kidding me, are you?” He looked up at the ceiling and made an annoyed face. “You really want me to suffer do you? Stupid universe.”

— Join the Bookclub here! — official post — faq

[readyplayerhobi]

Peppermint | 01

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, future light angst

; Word Count: 10.6k

; Synopsis: Achieving your dream job is something that very people manage to do, which is why you’re all the more happier when you land a job on the film team at Poppin’ Culture; the biggest pop culture website, blog and YouTube channel around. What you don’t expect however, is to fall for the exceptionally shy and awkward colleague who is not even remotely your type. Or is he?

; A/N: This is just what I’ve been writing to try and get back into the swing of things. It’s just...light and fun. Was supposed to be a one shot but it’s getting long and it feels like a good place to end as a first part! Please send me thoughts, comments and encouragements as it’s a struggle to write lately ;-;

01 ; 02

-

“And this is our main office. It’s open plan, as you can see so I hope that doesn’t bother you too much. We’ve found it works better to just throw ideas out in the open or to just get reactions so feel free to shout out if you need something. Everyone’s very friendly,” Seokjin smiles at you brightly, his thick lips turning up and making his eyes sparkle behind his glasses as he leads you into the wide open space. “And this is your desk. Feel free to decorate it however you want. Nothing will beat the car wreck that’s happening on Jimin’s desk.”

“Hey! This is artistic mess. Everything has a place and there is a place for everything.” The bubblegum pink haired man in question half stands, a finger pointing threateningly while his pearly white teeth peek out from beneath plush pink lips. You can’t help but smile, as his slim frame and cute cheeks make him look distinctively non-threatening and ruin any hope he has of convincing you otherwise.

It could also be the fact he looks like a hipster from Seattle with the thick, black plastic frames delicately placed on his nose and the retro 80s film shirt with an open black and white plaid shirt over the top. Still...he’s rather pretty and you wonder momentarily if you’ve somehow entered another dimension with astonishingly beautiful people.

Either that, or you’ve walked into the set of some reality TV show but you’re not quite willing to break the Matrix programming just yet.

Seokjin snorts and rolls his eyes, lifting a ring laden hand to brush his black hair out of them. It’s hindered slightly by the tan beanie on his head and you’re momentarily distracted once more by his impressive frame. The white shirt with the Jaws film poster on it stretches rather enticingly over his broad shoulders while his black, ripped jeans are snugly secured with a leather belt that has a Superman belt buckle.

Honestly, how were you meant to work in this place?

He’d already introduced you to Namjoon, the creator of Poppin’ Culture who oversaw all aspects of his slowly booming media empire along with Namjoon’s wife, Chaeyoung. She oversaw the HR aspect of everything and had been your first point of call before Seokjin had come down to retrieve you upon getting the call that you had arrived.

Seokjin is the editor of the Poppin’ Culture website, which is the big daddy of the whole enterprise. It had originally started 10 years ago in Namjoon’s university bedroom apparently, just posting reviews of retro films and any new films that came out.

A decade later and it was the biggest source of pop culture news, blogs and entertainment in the Western hemisphere. The website scores over 250,000 hits a day with the blogs averaging a pretty healthy number too and the YouTube channels generating a steady enough income to keep a small team afloat with ease.

His sheer love of all things cultural meant that Poppin’ Culture had expanded far beyond its original remit of film and now had something for everyone. There was the film blog, the gaming blog, the music blog, the television blog and even the book blog. And you’d heard rumours of them branching into sports with talk of a fighting blog and channel appearing soon which would be interesting.

Sports were a whole other thing in the world of things people obsess over.

Either way, you’d been rather desperate to get a job here when the opening had appeared on the job listings website for a new in house content writer. When you’d found out that you’d got it, you were pretty sure that you’d almost deafened Sunmi with your screams of excitement.

As a film major with an English literature minor, it was perhaps the dream job to combine both of your loves together and work with people who were just as enthusiastic about the world of film as you were. Your friends and family had long since grown bored of how you picked apart the latest films or their trailers, but now you would have an audience of thousands that would not only be receptive to it, but interested too.

In your earlier meeting with Namjoon and Seokjin, they’d laid out your responsibilities for you pretty clearly. Given that you were in your six month probation period, you would be expected to create two blog articles a week with the possibility of writing a video script if it was approved by the video team.

Two articles may not sound a lot, but you’d already been informed that you would also likely have to do some indepth research into the topics to provide factual information, along with making sure it wasn’t something that had been done before. Not only this, but you would be expected to be constantly scouring the internet to find new topics of interest and trying to catch the latest leaks before they even happened.

While you’d been hired for the film team, you’d been told that most people tended to dip into other areas to help out or if they had some particular interest in it. As such, you could be expected to possibly be asked to find out the Top 10 Facts About The NES or 15 Things You Never Knew About Taylor Swift or something.

Wasn’t the most scintillating of things to you, but you were willing to branch out and help if necessary. It was a small team and you understand that sometimes you’d need to pitch in when it was required of you, which in turn meant you knew that you could rely on the same help.

“Jimin is our music guy. He’s the one who usually writes the music blogs and videos but he also does the gaming stuff sometimes. Also has a regular book blog where he reviews obscure international books because that’s his thing.” Seokjin says, rolling his eyes as he leans against the desk.

Jimin’s desk is littered with piles of CD cases - who even uses CDs anymore? - along with three different pairs of headphones. He also has a ton of Funko Pop! Vinyl figures that you recognise to be musicians along with a set of Assassin’s Creed characters. You recognise them because Sunmi’s ex-boyfriend had them too.

“Really? You’re going to come into my space, and ruin my time while insulting me? Am I going to wake up tomorrow morning to find you shitting on my lawn too?” Jimin slumps back in his chair, pulling a pair of pink and white headphones over his head to rest around his neck while eyeing the taller man with narrowed eyes.

“You live on the top floor of an apartment building ‘Min. What am I? A wizard?”

“I wish. Maybe you’d wingardium leviosa your ass off my damn desk.” He grumbles, nodding his head at you. “Have you ever read In The Miso Soup by Ryu Murakami?”

The question is so sudden that you’re left standing with wide eyes, shaking your head slowly. You’d not read a lot of translated work in college, though you were hoping to change that. Jimin sighs and slumps in his seat, clicking on his mouse a few times.

“Fucking weird dude. Still not entirely sure what went on it.”

Before you can even respond, Seokjin is leading you over to the desk behind Jimin. This desk is even messier, only you really can see the artistic mess here. It’s covered in pencil sketches that are stacked haphazardly while a high tech looking electronic drawing pad takes up most of the space with even the keyboard pushed away.

The guy sat comfortably in the green and black gaming chair has a black beanie on his head too, only he has platinum blonde hair that covers his eyes. And what pretty eyes they are when he looks up at you; as if someone has reached up into the sky and plucked two of the brightest, shiniest stars and placed them directly onto him.

“Oh, hey. I’m Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook. I’m the graphic designer here...with a side passion of actual drawing obviously. I mostly use Photoshop but I like to get a bit hands on.” He talks rapidly, his voice quite deep but soft. Pausing, he bites on the black lip ring embedded in the right side of his lower lip before sitting back.

The vibrant and colourful tattoos that run up and down his arms do nothing to hide the obvious fit physique he has and you find yourself dragging your eyes away from that ridiculously broad chest. He’s only wearing a black shirt but my god.

Seokjin lets you both talk for a little, discovering that if you need anything made graphics wise then to let Jungkook know. Apparently he’s the head designer and has two more people under him; Jennie who deals with a lot of designing and Soyeon who handles their website and online shop.

You’re then introduced to Yoongi who is in charge of sound for the videos. He’s pretty quiet but friendly and bright, secluded away in the corner of the office with a soundboard in front of him, while his co-worker Lisa, a video editor, is entirely the opposite. They’re both sat on the same bank of desks, and the difference between Yoongi’s monochromatic desk and Lisa’s bubblegum pop explosion is almost amusing.

The video game team was made of Miyeon, Yugyeom and Baekhyun who all took up the corner on the opposite end of the office to you. You weren’t a huge gamer, but apparently the video game side of Poppin’ Culture was one of the most popular and profitable so you could understand why they had the largest team compared to the others.

Your desk is opposite Jimin’s, allowing you a view of him if you look to your right and it looks sparse compared to everyone else’s. The guy behind you is Taehyung and you’re pleased to discover that he’s friendly and warm with a bright box smile that makes you feel at home instantly.

Taehyung is the other content creator on the film team and someone that you’ll be working closely with, though apparently he also works with Jimin on music. From the short conversation you have with him, it seems that Taehyung mainly specialises in foreign film and you surmise that you’ll be left with most of the more mainstream options with the Oscar bait films being split between you both.

He seems enigmatic enough, with the white ribbon wrapped around his neck and billowing white button up shirt that ends with a pair of baggy, tan trousers. He’s not wearing any shoes, or socks, and you wonder if that’s a violation of something somewhere but no one seems to be saying anything.

His entire desk is full of various plants, artistic photographs in elegant frames and beautiful old film posters in miniature form. A photo of a black and tan Pomeranian is eagerly introduced to you as Yeontan, his dog and you can’t help but laugh at how excited he is to show off his lil pup.

But perhaps not as excited as you when you discover that Friday’s are ‘Bring Your Dog To Work’ day. Apparently Taehyung, Yoongi and Jennie all bring their dogs and it usually ends up just being people playing with them.

Yep, definitely the best workplace already.

“Hey Hoseok, come here before you sit down.” Seokjin calls out to the late entry into the office before looking at you. “I’ll introduce you to our head video editor. He’s the one who usually helps with recording videos, then he’ll edit it all together. He works closely with Jungkook for graphics and if you write a script then he’ll work with you to see if you want anything extra added in like humourous cuts, edits and so forth. He’s got Lisa on his team and a guy who works part time, Taemin.”

The man in question almost shuffles forward, a delicate looking hand gripping the brown fabric strap of his shoulder bag tightly while he looks down at his scruffy, black Converse clad feet as Seokjin introduces you to him. He looks about the same height as Seokjin, though all you can see is a head of messy chestnut brown hair and black circular lens glasses that looks like they’re going to fall off his nose.

“Nice shirt.” You say with an encouraging smile, wondering why Hoseok looks like he’s trying to crawl through the floor mentally. He looks up at that with almost shockingly wide eyes and you almost groan out loud.

This place is blessed or cursed. You’re not sure which yet.

He’s wearing a faded Jurassic Park shirt, the famous logo sliced by ‘dinosaur’ claws, while a pair of ever so slightly baggy and ripped denim jeans are kept up by an oversized tan fabric belt, the end trailing down to his knee. A knit grey cardigan covers his arms and you find it oddly endearing how it’s slipping off one slim shoulder, obviously far too big for him.

The shoulder bag he’s carrying also has the Back to the Future logo on it and you point at it with a grin. “Great Scott! I like your bag too.” You point then at your own chest, your shirt emblazoned with the Back to the Future logo and frown as his eyes dart down before his cheeks flush bright red.

His obvious shyness just seems to make him more endearing to you, and you let out a quiet laugh. There’s an almost awkward silence for a moment as Hoseok just stands there, giving Seokjin tiny glances before he finally sighs and points to the desk behind yours. Hoseok almost bolts there, disappearing behind the iMac and you look back at Seokjin with a raised brow.

He kneels down so he’s closer, the music of the radio that’s blasting out 80s classics drowning out anything he might say to you. “Hoseok’s a good guy, he’s just a little socially awkward. A hard worker, and he’ll do anything you ask but...it’s a little hard to get him to open up. Keep trying though, he will occasionally have a full conversation with you and I keep trying to make sure he’s included so he doesn’t feel left out. Don’t take it personally, it’s just how he is.”

Nodding, you turn on your own iMac and wait for it to boot up before going through the process of getting everything ready for you to work. Given it’s your first day, Seokjin just gives you some simple tasks to go through to help familiarise yourself with their method of working before leaving you to your own devices.

It’s as you’re sat reading through the style guideline for the blog that you watch as Hoseok suddenly appears in the corner of your vision. He’s rolled over to the edge of his desk, hands flipping through the stacked letter tray there as he searches for something while he presses his lips together and blows his cheeks out. You can’t help but watch him with idle interest as he does so.

He’s definitely cute, in fact he’s more than cute. Hoseok is actually stunningly beautiful and from the side, you’re getting to see his arresting profile with ease. A strong jawline swoops in bold lines on his face while his nose is a straight slope with the gentlest turn at the end, his lips thin but full enough to look delightfully kissable as he pouts suddenly without thinking as the tiny frown of concentration causes his strong brows to fold in.

As he finds what he needs, you watch as he disappears back behind his screen before sighing quietly to yourself.

It’s probably not very moral, but you definitely had enough new material to keep your spank bank going for a good few months now. If nothing else, you should thank Namjoon for that.

-

“Did you watch Roma yet?” Taehyung asks, rolling his chair backwards until he appears in your vision. His wispy blonde hair lays straight on his forehead as he rests his hands behind his neck, letting his long sleeved blue sweater stretch across his torso. It’s unusually tight for someone who basically lives in baggy clothes; you’re pretty sure he’s even worn his pyjamas once.

Over the last three months of you working at Poppin’ Culture, you’d understandably grown close with Taehyung as you’d bonded intensely over your love of film. It turns out he was also a film major with a photography minor, meaning he was exceptionally invested in the artsy films or just films with great cinematography.

You’d already been subjected to two passion filled rants of his about Mad Max: Fury Road and Blade Runner 2049 as being prime examples of great cinematography in big budget cinema. It was okay though, as you’d already chewed off his ear about why you thought Aliens was one of the best sequels ever made in history and he’d listened with interest.

There was nothing better than someone who was willing to indulge in your long winded talks about your favourite films; from cult classics to obscure favourites to Hollywood blockbusters. Your rapport with him was so good in fact, that Seokjin had had you do a test video with him to see how well you worked in front of the camera.

The results must have been positive as you’d been given a weekly film podcast with Taehyung that talked about the week’s releases along with any news in the film world. If there was time then you both would regale viewers with your favourite films and analyse them.

So far, it was doing pretty well and you were pleased with the numbers it was pulling in. Not to mention that people seemed to like your inclusion into the videos, which was why you’d ended up in a few other videos around music or even gaming just to voice over them. Taehyung had obviously been a hit.

He had a face for the camera and you’d already jokingly suggested in many a team meeting that they should make merchandise with just his face on it. His little fan club even named themselves ‘Taes Baes’.

“No, I haven’t had chance yet. I’ve been watching The Sinner, I’ve only got like two episodes left but I’ll check it out at some point! Alfonso Cuarón makes such good films; Gravity is still amazing and I’m still mind boggled at the sheer complexity of how that must have been to film with all the CGI they had to do but I feel like Roma looks a little more stripped down.”

Taehyung is nodding slowly, biting his lip almost absentmindedly as he listens to you. “Gravity is great, but you should definitely check out Children of Men. Much better, but Y Tu Mamá También is also phenomenal if you don’t mind the sexual scenes. But yeah, watch Roma. Definitely going to be a bit hit with the awards season and I can see him getting Best Director at the Oscars.”

“Really? It wouldn’t surprise me.” You muse, leaning back in your own chair and crossing your legs as you watch him now.

“Yep. And if he does win, then that’ll be his second Best Director win and it will also mean that Mexican directors have won five out of the last six. They’re killing the Oscars game lately. I still wish Barry Jenkins had won for Moonlight...way better than La La Land.” He sighs wistfully before nodding at your computer screen inquisitively, the beginnings of your latest blog post on the screen.

“Oh, I’m writing why I think Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse deserves the Best Animation at the Oscars. I liked The Incredibles and Ralph but if they win over the magnificence of Spider-Man then I will flip this table.” Pointing to your desk jokingly, Taehyung giggles sweetly.

Your desk has also changed over the last few months as well. A few cute Funko figures of your favourite Star Wars characters have popped up along with one or two more stylised figurines like your Xenomorph alien. Along with that, you’ve invested in some funky letter trays and pots to just bring some brightness to portray your personality a little more.

“I’ve not watched it yet. I know, feel free to pinch my arm. Hoseok has watched it though, he mentioned it the other day. Hey Hoseok, come here bro.” He calls out loudly, turning slightly to watch for the quiet man who spends his days on the computer behind yours.

Slowly, and adorably you might add, Hoseok’s meek face peers around the side of both his and your monitors as he stares owlishly at Taehyung beneath those outdated glasses. You’d say they were ugly, and they were, but he seemed to pull them off.

His hair is hidden today beneath a sand coloured beanie, leaving his entire face exposed and you coo softly at his tiny folded ears. It wasn’t something you’d noticed till Jimin had one day pointed over to the video editor, whispering words of adoration to you as he stared a little moon-eyed and lamented how his own ears didn’t look that cute.

It was beyond endearing, along with the slight pout his lips were pursed in. He probably hadn’t been listening to your conversation and so had no idea what was going on.

You’d noticed that Hoseok either kept an earphone in at all times or covered them with over-ear headphones when he wanted to work hard and not be disturbed. He certainly wasn’t rude but he definitely didn’t seem to be hugely confident in making conversations with people.

That didn’t stop people from trying to include him though, and you got the definite sense that everyone in the office adored Jung Hoseok and simultaneously wanted to hug him and protect him. You certainly did, and you were quite pleased that no one bullied him.

He, unfortunately, had the demeanour that would attract the attention of assholes but Seokjin and Namjoon ran a tight ship here. You did kind of wish that he got included in more outside events though.

“S-sorry. W-wh-what?” His voice is soft, the perfect mix of deep and high as he stutters out a response to Taehyung. The long sleeved shirt he’s wearing is almost salmon pink and has some generic looking cartoon on the front. It looks warm, and you find yourself lamenting the fact that you hadn’t brought a cardigan with you today.

“Spider-Man, the new one. You said to Jungkook that you’d watched it right?” There’s a moment of hesitation as Hoseok’s eyes flick to you before he’s nodding slowly. Almost immediately you grin brightly, not noticing the way that Hoseok pauses with his breath caught before his shoulders shift up to his ears.

“Oh my god, wasn’t it so good? The animation is just beautiful, it makes me want to scream. Like those cityscape shots? Could easily be mistaken for a photo if you just showed someone it. And the perfect blending of the different art styles of the Spider-People and god the music was so good. Miles is amazing and if it doesn’t win then I’m gonna Hulk out,” You pause and look at Taehyung who’s smirking in amusement. “Seriously, I don’t even know how to describe the animation. Think 3D...but not. You get me, right Hoseok?”

Hoseok’s eyes go astonishingly wide once more as you question and his mouth opens and closes a few times as he struggles to find an answer for you. He just settles for nodding quickly, reaching up to pull his beanie off and sort out his hair.

The chestnut locks have gone a bit wild under his hat and you have to bite your lip to stop laughing at how it goes all over the place, though another part of you wants to aww at how cute he looks.

“One day Hoseok, one day I’ll get you to spout poetic bullshit about a film you love.” You tease lightly, tapping at your gel wrist rest that lays alongside your keyboard to ease the pressure on your wrists as you type. He swallows audibly, causing you to laugh out loud while Taehyung chuckles and shakes his head.

“Hoseok has fucking terrible film taste. He thinks Batman v Superman was actually good.” Jungkook calls out and you turn to look at the graphic designer. He’s reclining in his chair, hands over his stomach with an ankle hooked over his knee while he observes the scene on the other side of the office.

Jimin is in the exact same position behind him while he nods his head sagely and you gasp in horror, a hand to your chest as you look back at Hoseok. “Say it isn’t so Hoseok.”

The man in question looks like he wants to sink through the floor as he gives a meagre shrug. Your wail of horror has him cringing while everyone else in the office sniggers and Taehyung pats your back in consolation.

“This can’t be. Why? Is it because your mom is named Martha too?” Jungkook lets out a bark of laughter at that while Jimin creases, folding over in his chair as his forehead rests against his knees from the force of his laugh.

Hoseok attempts to speak a few more times before he frowns deeply, taking a deep breath and shaking his head. “N-no. That was d-d-dumb. I just like Batman. I-i-it’s not my favourite f-f-film but it’s not terrible.”

You lean back and stare at him, raising a brow slowly as you narrow at your eyes at him. “What is your favourite film then?”

This is probably the most you’ve talked to Hoseok in the whole three months about non-job related work. You’re actually surprised he’s engaging this far, and you study him closely to make sure he doesn’t look uncomfortable or unhappy. The last thing you want is him to get upset.

But he doesn’t back down from your question, instead staring at something on his desk intently before looking back at you. You almost lean back in reaction, the intensity of his gaze far stronger than you’d expected and you’re surprised to feel a slight stirring of sexual lust for him. While you’d always acknowledge he was handsome - wasn’t everyone in this place? - you’d never quite seen Hoseok in a ‘oh holy cow’ light until right now.

“I-I-I don’t have one. B-b-but I like Jurassic Park and Blade Runner. And the Godfather. Oh, and Big Hero 6.” He adds as an afterthought, and you feel oddly proud that he didn’t stutter throughout the rest of the conversation. It was obviously just a nerves thing, but you kind of hope that he’ll get a bit bolder if you keep trying with him.

“Good choices. Solid. Not pretentious like the avant garde master here. He probably watches his porn in French black and white too.” A casual thumb thrown in Taehyung’s direction gets you the finger in response.

“It’s black and white softcore German, you heathen. No one does the group sex quite as good. The camera angles when there’s so many bodies.” He kisses the tips of his fingers before blowing them in the air, causing you to stare at him with a slightly grossed out face.

Looking at Jimin, you shake your head. “You know, I’ve only known the two of you for three months now. But I can easily see how you started dating. You with your weird music and books and Taehyung with your pretentious films.”

Taehyung gasps theatrically before smiling, fully aware that you’re joking around with him. Jimin on the other hand, snorts loudly and sticks his tongue out at you. “Hey, there’s nothing weird about my music choices. And what the hell. You’ve been listening to Billie Eilish non-stop lately according to your Spotify. And while she’s incredibly talented, I wish she’d lighten up a little.”

Turning to look at the cotton candy haired guy, though his hair was mostly hidden today by a black ball cap, you raise an eyebrow slowly. “Firstly, don’t insult Billie like that! Her songs are beautiful and soothe my soul. And also, this coming from the guy who listens to Morrissey. Unironically, I might add. Your opinion is invalid in this conversation.”

“...You know what. I can't even argue that. You right.” Jimin shrugs in defeat and sits back while Taehyung makes consoling noises at his boyfriend from his seat.

The delicate snort from behind your monitor makes your eyes widen, causing you to shift over slightly to watch Hoseok as he giggles. His white teeth peek out at you as he bites on his lower lip to try and contain his laugh.

And from how pretty and sweet it sounded, you wish he wouldn’t. The soft noises he lets out are oddly infectious, causing you to laugh in turn with a pretty dopey expression on your face and making you completely oblivious to the sly look Jimin and Taehyung are sharing.

“You love Imagine Dragons too, right? Hoseok listens to them all the time.” Taehyung says helpfully, gesturing with his chin towards the man behind your monitor.

Spinning back, you look at Hoseok with a happy grin and clap your hands together excitedly. “Oh my god, yes! I’m in love with Bad Liar right now, and Zero is so fun. I think Jimin keeps laughing at me for dancing in my seat.”

Hoseok doesn’t respond to you properly though, just nodding his head and smiling slightly as you playfully glare at the slim man across the office.

“On the subject of dating though...Hoseok. Have you ever had a girlfriend before? Or boyfriend, if that’s your thing.” Jimin asks, his tone not even slightly sly and you look at him in surprise. If he was trying to not be obvious, then he was being about as subtle as the Seattle Space Needle. Surely they’d already know this right?

As far as you’ve gathered, Jimin has been at Poppin’ Culture for four years and Taehyung for three. The two had started dating two years ago and despite your teasing, you were already confident that they were two of the cutest couples you’d ever seen.

Hoseok though, had apparently been with the company for years. He’d gone to college with Namjoon, Chaeyoung and Seokjin and had a film production degree. Namjoon had started Poppin’ Culture when he was 19, in his second year, and Hoseok had come on board once they’d branched out to a YouTube channel.

Still, you’re surprised by the way Hoseok’s cheeks go bright red and his eyes dart to you for a moment before he’s looking down at his desk once more. A wet tongue peeks out of his mouth quickly as he licks along his lips to wetten them, coughing to clear his throat before he’s looking back up at Jimin with a frown.

“Would you like the name of my e-e-ex-girlfriend? I’m s-s-socially awkward, not inept.” You suck your lower lip between your teeth as you look at Jimin with a ‘wtf’ look. As nice as he was, he was a bit blunt and you felt that situation could have probably done with a little more tactful handling. Hoseok looked like he could fry an egg on his cheeks and Jimin winces at the glare both Taehyung and you give him.

“Sorry man. I was out of line. I didn’t mean to insult you.” The apology is sincere in tone, with Jimin ducking his head and turning back to his work. You watch carefully as Hoseok eyes the younger man before letting out a quiet sigh and nodding his acceptance.

The atmosphere is slightly awkward now, and you’re desperate to make Hoseok less uncomfortable which is why you find yourself blurting out words you immediately want to swallow back up. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve not had a boyfriend since I was 20 and I’ve not been laid in four years.”

Almost immediately your hand is slapping over your mouth as your eyes widen in horror, apologies falling from your lips like honey as your cheeks burn with embarrassment.

Not only are Hoseok’s eyes resembling dinner plates, his jaw dropped open in shock, but so is just about everyone else’s in the office. Well, that’s certainly one way to make him feel better about himself you guess.

“I’m sorry for your loss. Everyone, we need to be careful with her. She’s going through some tough times. Only 26 and already looking at a life of non-sexual fulfilment.” Taehyung drones deeply, his voice faux-sincere and you glare at him while pushing his hand off your shoulder.

“I will delete your folder of obscure foreign films.” You hiss at him through narrowed eyes, causing him to burst out into laughter as his hand slaps his thigh in amusement.

“Oh god, you crack me up. I need to thank Seokjin for hiring you, seriously. God, get on with your Spider-Man boner before you accidentally reveal something else way too intimate for the workplace to know.” He snorts before rolling back to his own desk. The office thankfully goes back to normal after that, the low level of chatter competing with the soft sounds of today’s playlist.

Looking at your screen, you’re distracted momentarily by the sight of Hoseok still in view just around your monitor. He’s looking at you in that way people do when they’ve checked out, their brains focused on something else entirely and you watch him back in amusement until he realises.

Almost immediately he cringes, bowing his head slightly and giving an uncomfortable smile before sliding back out of view. Smiling, you shake your head and pop your headphones back into your ears as you get back to work.

You’re oddly pleased to see Hoseok stand up for himself bluntly, and you remind yourself not to baby him. He’s a grown man after all, older than you.

The flashing of your phone lets you see that you’ve got a new notification from Facebook, and you roll your eyes as you click on your screen to see what it is. What you see however has you slowly smiling as a flutter of butterflies take flight in your stomach and you tap accept eagerly.

You have a new friend request: Jung Hoseok

-

The next few weeks roll by quickly with Taehyung and you becoming inundated with awards season nominations, ceremonies and just general Oscar bait films. It had even resulted in a whole ‘Top 10 Oscar Bait Films’ video on the Poppin’ Culture Film YouTube channel which had proven remarkably popular, even spawning a sequel that was generated purely from user comments.

You’re actually surprised with just how much you continue to love your job, even with the sheer pressure of blog and video deadlines constantly breathing down your neck. And it doesn’t take you long to realise that it’s because of the people you work with who make working that overtime all the more sweeter.

Jimin is genuinely hilarious and when paired up with Jungkook he becomes hysterical. Lisa has easily become your female work best friend, with the two of you Skyping all the time on your work computers and soon venturing out into the world to go to dinners, concerts and the cinema while Taehyung is an incredibly hard working colleague who always keeps a close on eye on how you’re doing.

It’s genuinely one of the best places you’ve ever worked and you thank all your lucky stars that you’d been accepted because you were pretty sure that you were making some of the closest friends you could.

And then there was Hoseok.

Jung Hoseok still remained a mystery to you and you weren’t entirely sure why you so desperately wanted to figure him out. Or maybe not figure him out, because you kind of liked how shy and mysterious he is.

The rest of your colleagues have been pretty open books and you were pretty sure that you were on the verge of receiving daily updates on Jimin and Taehyung’s sex life - you were that close with the two. But you still knew almost nothing about Hoseok and it drove you wild.

What was even more annoying was the fact that only you were apparently bothered by it too. The others just shrugged and said that he’d always been quiet and introverted, so they just made it clear to him that they were there if he wanted to talk or make friends with them. Apparently he never went out on the workplace socials and he rarely talked to others via text or Skype.

Which kind of infuriated you, because it probably was true that Hoseok preferred to be alone and lost in his world of music. But there must be something horribly isolating about never getting invited to things or never being included, which is why you kept trying to include him in your own conversations. The others would sometimes talk around him, but you always tried to make sure that he felt comfortable and included in your conversations.

Taehyung had honestly admitted in a meeting that he wasn’t entirely sure why you kept asking Hoseok things, pointing out that you might be annoying him. But you’d countered with the fact that you always gave Hoseok plenty of options to slip out of the conversation, yet he would continue it on sometimes.

It had been then that Taehyung had flushed a pretty golden pink, nodding his head as he acknowledged the fact that Hoseok had opened up more in the last few months of you being here than in the years he’d been here. That on its own had made your heart hurt. No one could enjoy being so easily disregarded, no matter how quiet and introverted.

Currently though, you were slouched on your couch with your best friend, Sunmi, as you both ate pepperoni pizza while watching Avengers: Infinity War for the bajillionth time. You, because you just loved the film, and her because she really loved Chris Hemsworth.

Honestly? Mood.

“I swear, this is the most badass entry scene of any entry scene in all of film,” You blurt out randomly, lifting your fist as Thor appears on screen in the middle of the battlefield and shouting out alongside him. “Bring. Me. Thanos!”

Sunmi snorts elegantly from your side, taking a bite of greasy pizza and chewing slowly while she eyes up her fictional man with pleasure. A hum of delight leaves her when Thor meets up with Captain America and you laugh, poking at her side.

“Imagine being in a Chris sandwich.” She looks at you and wiggles her carefully put together eyebrows before giggling.

“I wish. God, they can wreck me any day. You know, I can’t believe that you get to watch stuff like this and then write about it or make a video about it. Why can’t I just laze around and do that? Do they have an opening for me?” She pouts at you, placing the crust back in the box before wrapping her hands around your wrist and playfully whining.

You laugh loudly and take a bite of your own slice. “For what? Sorry Elle Woods, but you’re going to have keep your bending and snapping for the judge and jury. I doubt Poppin’ Culture - The Law Version will be very popular.”

“What about if I wear a hot pink bikini?” She says seriously, her face carefully blank as you give her a droll stare.

“Yeah sure, lemme give PornHub a call. I’m sure they’ve got a whole audience just waiting for their law lectures from Bikini Girl 3.” Sunmi shrieks with laughter at that, rolling backwards until her head is hitting the arm of the sofa and relaxing into the pile of cushions there.

Reaching her foot up, she prods at your thigh annoyingly until you push her away with a sigh.

“So, how is your work though? You’ve been spending a lot of time there. Which, by the way, is ridiculous. I only spend extra time doing work if I’m getting paid for it because I do not enjoy my job that much.” Sunmi sighs heavily, letting her arms fall behind her head as she turns her gaze back to your large television screen.

“Okay firstly, it was your decision to take a law degree. Your parents are assholes but they’re not dickish. They would have been fine with you being a doctor instead. Secondly, you make so much money an hour that you shouldn’t complain. You can literally buy a pair of Jimmy Choos with an hour.” Closing the pizza box, you lean forward and place it onto your wooden coffee table before leaning back and patting your stomach affectionately.

“Firstly you bitchass, I don’t make a lot because I’m still not fully qualified yet. It costs a lot to be a lawyer and the work is boring because I’m in property law. Yawn. Secondly, I hate property law but I would’ve passed out being a doctor. Blood and snot? No thanks. Maybe I should just give it all up and go back to college to become an artist.” She says dreamily and you look over at her with a raised brow.

“Do it. If it’s what you want. Your life shouldn’t be made on a decision you did based on what your parents wanted for you, as much as you might want to make them happy. They’re not your life, and you’ll burn out quicker if you do something you hate.” Sunmi just hums before shifting the pillows until she’s looking at you.

“Still. It’s nice that you’re enjoying it. I’m happy for you. I need to meet this Lisa, so you better set up a playdate or something. If she’s banging, I may just bang her. I mean, if you’re alright with that. And she likes girls.” Sunmi wiggles her brow and you laugh, shaking your head slowly.

“I think Lisa swings both ways honestly, so go for it. She’s pretty and cute with a really nice and fun personality. I wish I could introduce you to Jimin and Taehyung as well. They’re funny individually but hilarious together. Urgh, I wish I had someone the way Jimin eyefucks Tae across the room.”

“Does he realise you can see that?” She asks, an incredulous look on her face and you nod with a laugh.

“Oh yeah. He just gives me an innocent smile. They’re fun though and make me laugh, it’s like a family.” You sigh softly, slumping down further into the couch pillow. Sunmi’s quiet for a few seconds before speaking again.

“What about that quiet guy? Hoseok right?” Pausing, you chew on your lip as you stare blankly at the screen and wonder how to describe him to her.

“Hoseok...is sweet. Quiet but sweet. He doesn’t get involved in conversations of his own accord still, but I include him and he’ll get more involved now. We even have whole conversations just him and I, particularly about our love of 80s films though they’re not very long conversations. It’s nice, I’m literally watching him become more integrated and it’s kind of annoying that everyone just let him stagnate in his isolation. Like, seriously. Did no one ever think that maybe he doesn’t get involved because people have let him isolate himself? It’s hard to pull yourself out of that, and he’s obviously trying.” You don’t even realise you’re half ranting until you see Sunmi’s bemused smile, causing your cheeks to heat.

“Anyway, yeah. He’s a lot more caring than people think too. He just doesn’t show it in ways that you or I would, nor does he talk about them. Like...the other week I came in one morning to find a tube of dissolvable vitamin C tablets on my desk. When I asked where they’d come from, Hoseok Skyped me and said that he thought I looked like I was lacking a bit of vitamin C and to take one with water every day. And then when I was feeling a bit tired, he made me a cup of green tea. I swear Sunmi, he was so sweet and adorable because he kept stumbling over his words while telling me that green tea was healthy and rejuvenating but he didn’t like the taste so he always has peppermint and he hoped I liked peppermint too.”

Sunmi says nothing for a moment and you look at her in confusion, wondering why she’s suddenly decided to be quiet. It’s not like her to not get involved in your conversations, only she’s staring at you with wide eyes and a pretty mouth that’s fallen open.

“Oh my god. You like him.” Her words cause you to pause, frowning immediately as you shake your head in denial.

“What? No I don’t. I mean, yeah as a friend. Or I hope as a friend, but not anything more than that.” She lets out a peal of high pitched laughter while sitting up, looking closely at your face with those mahogany eyes of hers.

“Yes, you do. Oh my god, he is not even remotely your type from the sounds of it yet you’re falling hard girl. Show me a picture of him.” You want to keep denying her, mind spinning from what she’s come out with as you wonder where she’s got this impression from.

But once Sunmi has made up her mind, then it’s game over for everyone else. Sure enough, you find yourself scrolling through your phone on Facebook to find a nice picture of him to show her. And as you look through his, admittedly few, profile pictures, you pause for a moment as you realise that maybe she’s right.

Only people who like someone try and find the best looking picture of them, too afraid that their friend or family member will laugh and think their crush ugly. The swooping sensation in your stomach is confusing, and you don’t know whether it’s shy excitement or just plain old nausea.

Finally deciding on a picture of Hoseok that has obviously been taken in a coffee shop, you turn the phone screen so she can see. It’s got dim lighting, and has looks to have been taken on a Polaroid style camera from the style of it but he looks good.

In fact, he looks beautiful and his bright smile kind of takes your breath away.

He’s just wearing a plain white, long sleeved shirt with dark brown hair parted in the centre, the strands laying carelessly on his forehead while those beautiful chocolate eyes stare out from behind the lenses of his glasses. The table blocks anymore view of him and yet you can’t help but feel the fluttering in your stomach slowly spread along your veins.

Hoseok’s smiles are still rare, but they’ve slowly been becoming more frequent as you continue to talk to him. And every time you think he should smile more often, because he has a face that’s made for a smile.

His mouth is stretched wide with perfectly white, straight teeth showing and the force of the expression causes his eyes to narrow, soft tan cheeks looking adorably kissable.

Oh, you’re totally fucked.

“Holy shit…are you kidding me? This is Quiet Guy? Shy Guy? Holy fuck girl. He’s gorgeous! Look at that smile, oh my god. And he has such pretty eyes, that’s just not fair. Oh, please go for him. I know I said that he’s not your type because you normally like either those hipster guys or bad boys but he looks like he’d be so good for you. He looks kind, like you’d call him and say you’re sick and he comes right over to make you food and wraps you up in a blanket before cuddling with you, telling you that you need body heat to stay warm.” You look at her with a raised brow as she takes your phone and scrolls through his photos.

“And he obviously likes you.” Her words throw you then, causing you to frown as you stare before finally asking why she thinks.

“Because you said it yourself. He talks to you, even when he doesn’t talk to the others. You’ve said he keeps conversations going with you. He added you on Facebook first and he’s taking care of you in a weird but cute way of flirting. Like I said, he looks like he’d be a good boyfriend because he’s already trying to make sure you’re healthy and okay.”

She hands your phone back and points at the screen, where a new photo of Hoseok is. It’s not from his profile pictures, so you just presume it’s one that someone took of him and tagged him in. He’s asleep on his side on a couch, his right cheek smooshed into a pillow while his other looks soft and round. Pink lips pout in his sleep, the ends turned up while his lashes remain firmly closed and his hair is all over the place.

You have the strongest urge to reach through the screen to kiss his cheek.

“I think you should think on it, because I know you. And you’re probably having a little internal argument right now about whether or not you like him. But...if you decide that you do. Then I think you should go for it, because he looks nice. Get to know him a bit more, get him to open up his walls to you a bit more and then see if he really is interested. It’s been a while since you smiled like that about someone, and even longer since you searched through their pictures to find me the most flattering.” Dammit, you knew she’d figure you out.

You don’t respond though, simply locking your phone and placing it down on the cushion next to you as you both turn your attention back to the film. But you can’t help the what if’s that float around in the back of your mind, wondering if perhaps she’s right not only about yourself, but also him.

Did Hoseok like you?

-

Quite understandably, your interactions with Hoseok are suddenly tinged with a film of awkwardness as you contemplate the fact that you quite possibly like your shy colleague. And that’s to say nothing of how closely you watch his interactions with you to see if there’s a chance that he likes you in the way you like him.

Honestly, anyone would think you were 14 and not 26.

But he made you feel like a teenager though. The fluttering of nervous excitement in your stomach whenever he would look at you with that soft, bashful smile he’d give you whenever he caught your eye in the office. The way you would feel sad resentment when he was ill or was working from home and so didn’t come in.

How could you not though? Not only was he soul wrenchingly handsome and pretty, he was also thoughtful with the few conversations he would engage in and he was so sweet and kind.

When you’d complimented him on the peppermint green tea he’d brought you the other week, you found yourself with a mug being made every time he got up to go to the kitchen. You’d be completely absorbed in your work, staring at your screen intently with headphones in to keep distractions at bay, when you’d suddenly smell the pleasant scent of peppermint drifting to your nose.

And then you’d look to your side and see a fresh cup of tea sat there, steaming slowly in your Star Wars mug.

A quick glance behind your screen would let you see Hoseok staring firmly at his screen, refusing to look at you and yet his cheeks tinging a rosy glow that made your heart tug. It was only fair to respond in kind, and so you’d taken to making him a cup of your favourite tea as well, delicious salted caramel, and leaving it on his desk.

He hadn’t complained, so you took that as a sign that he enjoyed it too.

Maybe others would look at your interactions with laughter or bemusement, but you liked them. If he was flirting with you, because let’s face it you were flirting with him, then you were quietly excited and hopeful. You could cope with glacial, as long as it would hopefully result in something at the end.

Currently, you were attempting to film a video talking about the films that were snubbed completely at the Oscars. Taehyung had written up the script for you but was suffering from a winter cold at home. You’d claim man-flu, only you’d video called him and seen the dark circles under his eyes, sallow skin and bright red nose as he’d sniffled and snorted his way through your conversation.

As a result, you’d had to grab your emergency make-up kit from your drawer and rush to the bathroom to apply it. Today had been a lazy day; meaning you were just wearing a pair of ratty black jeans and an ancient Star Wars shirt that had once been black but was now an odd shade of grey.

Once you’d felt that you looked at the very least passable to the potentially thousands upon thousands of people who would be watching your face, you rush back through the office to place your kit back before heading over to the recording room. Tapping on the door lightly, you open it up to find Hoseok and Lisa inside as they set up the camera and lighting.

Already, the big ring lights are glaring and you’re feeling hot as you move over to the two, watching as they mess with the camera before checking over the computer on the desk next to it. Lisa moves around to the front, standing over the duct tape X on the floor and clipping the tiny microphone onto her shirt while waiting for Hoseok.

He’s wearing a plain white shirt today with a yellow and black check shirt open over the top and a plain pair of jeans. For some reason, he’s apparently decided to emulate Jungkook and is wearing some tan Timberland’s as well, though they surprisingly work well with the outfit.

You’ve noticed that Hoseok isn’t exactly the most fashionable person, but he’s yet to wear something that you find genuinely offensive. In fact, you often find that he manages to look hot even when he really shouldn’t. Maybe it’s just a talent attractive people have?

Hoseok gives a small nod to Lisa as his eyes flicker up from the screen, the light being reflected in his glasses. Lisa begins to talk random nonsense, performing a soundcheck to make sure the microphone is working properly while also making sure the camera’s fine.

Once done, she helps you to thread the microphone through your shirt and clip it on while placing the main pack into your back pocket. You stand on the X while going over the script that you can read on the screen reader facing you on the table.

Lisa slips away while you’re busy practicing, going through quick vocal exercises to warm your voice up as you continue to read over what you’re going to say. In your mind, you’re already visualising what the video will look like and you kind of feel sad that Taehyung can’t do this. It’s a good script.

“Okay. Are you ready?” Hoseok’s voice is soft and light, every word sounding like it has been cautiously thought of before he speaks it. You smile slightly as your head nods forward in response to him before clearing your throat and clenching your hands a few times while letting out a deep breath.

“Am I in the right place?” Looking down at the floor, you make sure that your feet are squarely on the spot and Hoseok looks through the camera before giving a cute okay symbol with a wink and pressed smile. It causes you to bite your own lower lip, desperately keeping inside the ‘cute’ that wants to escape.

“Okay, recording in three...two…” He stops speaking after that and mouths out the final one before pressing the button to record, a red light sparking to life on the camera and immediately you’re smiling brightly.

There’s no real pressure on you to do a good take in one shot, because Hoseok will be editing the scenes together and making some shorter to suit the video anyway. But you don’t really like wasting unnecessary hard drive space for him if possible. Plus, it just means he has to stare at your foolish facial expressions for longer and you’d really rather not.

On that note, it’s a little unfair that he gets to watch your face up close with a 4K camera. Actually, you’ve never thought about that before and almost immediately your brows crease at the thought of him seeing every pore and blemish on your skin. Christ, the camera does not do anyone justice and you want to whine at the thought of him seeing all your bad points in such harsh lighting.

When you don’t actually start speaking and instead start making a distressed face, Hoseok’s head peeks out from behind the monitor and he frowns at you in turn. Eyes focusing on his pretty visage, you have to squint slightly to see him properly from behind the astonishingly bright lights set up but you shake your head to reassure him.

Rolling your head on your shoulders and blowing bubbles with your lips, completely unaware of the tiny amused smile on Hoseok’s lips as he watches you through the monitor, you force yourself to get back into the zone.

The rest of the hour spent recording goes more or less like usual, with multiple outtakes when you mess things up and cause yourself to laugh. One of the hardest things of recording videos is just being able to being able to speak properly. You’ve had to learn to over-enunciate sometimes to avoid slurring your words together, because that just encourages hate from viewers.

And you are not in the mood to get hate. It’s already hard enough being a female commentator on the channel, and you’d had to grow some pretty thick skin in both the comments and on your own social media.

But there were plenty of equally great people too in fairness, and you’d even kind of got to know some regular viewers from the constant interactions you got both on your videos and on your own Twitter account. It was nice to have a mini fan club of people who were willing to defend you against the trolls and raise you up when you’re feeling down, though it’s not nearly as many as Taehyung’s extortionately big legion of fans.

There’s only a few major mishaps this time, with a few pronunciations of your words going horrifically bad and you find yourself cringing. Hoseok has a good chuckle on occasion and the bright bubbles of his laughter make you smile in turn, heart sparking with happiness at making him laugh.

Once Hoseok gave the signal to indicate that he was pretty happy with the recording, you let your shoulders drop while your head falls back on your shoulders, a deep groan leaving you as your entire body relaxes. Reaching to pull the microphone and its pack from under your shirt, you move over to Hoseok as he turns the light and camera off before he’s checking over the computer to transfer the new video files to his solid state drive.

“Did everything look good in it?” You ask, leaning your hip against the desk while your arms cross over your chest. Hoseok pauses for a moment at your close proximity before looking up at you slowly, his beautiful brown eyes looking sweetly innocent and big as he takes you in.

It’s still ridiculously endearing how shy he gets around you, but what you like even more is how it’s only when he’s not doing work related things. The last hour has been spent with him practically bossing you around, barking out polite requests when you’ve moved out of frame or have said something wrong.

He wasn’t mean about it or anything, he just took his job very seriously and it’s what made him such a damn good videographer and video editor. He knew what he needed and wasn’t afraid to tell people what to do in regards to that, so the sudden reversal back into the meek Hoseok tugged at your heart.

“Y-yeah. You did good. Less bad shots today.” You pout at him theatrically before pushing lightly at his shoulder, just enough to make him rock where he stands.

“Hey! There’s no need to be mean. You make it sound like I’m as bad Yugyeom! I don’t mess up that bad.” Lower lip sticking out, you look down at the floor until Hoseok lets out a soft and breathy laugh, shaking his head while adjusting his glasses slightly.

“I-I didn’t mean-. I’m not saying anything else,” He looks at you and gives you a wry smile. “I-I’m not stupid. I think I’ve dug enough of my own grave here.”

You can’t help but laugh out at that as you lean forward, body moving of its own accord before you move around him and rest your hand on his shoulder. It’s warm and solid beneath your palm, even through the layers he’s wearing and you swallow in sudden awareness of the firmness of him.

He freezes in place subtly as well, the muscles under your fingers tensing a little as neither of you move for a moment. It’s the first time you’ve ever touched him, and neither of you really seem to know what to do.

Swallowing, you let out a chuckle that’s a little higher pitched than you perhaps intended but you try to make it sound as natural as you can. Even if you’re feeling a little overwhelmed now when your hand feels warm and bizarrely sweaty.

“Funny, you’re way funnier than I thought Hobi!” The nickname you’d overheard Seokjin calling him once slips out without meaning to and you cringe with gritted teeth behind his back, taking your hand off his shoulder to pinch your leg at your stupidity. “Well, I hope it goes well. Let me know if there’s anything you need from me or just when it’s done so I can look it over? Thanks and bye!”

You can’t stop how fast the words fall from your lips, a faucet stuck on full when what you really want is a vault so tight not even the crown jewels of England can get out of it. Giving him an awkward smile, you book it out of the recording room as quickly as you can and leave him alone.

In fact, you go so fast that you don’t get to see the way Hoseok watches after you with widened eyes of shock which soon melt into half-moons of unguarded happiness in the quiet room. His hand shakes as it moves up to press at the place your own hand had been, the skin feeling prickly underneath and his breath shakes as a hesitant smile slowly paints its way on his face.

You don’t see that, nor do you see the way he pauses on a close up of your face with a fond smile before closing the programme down and leaving.

[yossariandawn]

Alirght. Dusk for the ask. I think I know the answers but well see.

my favorite female character: Kate Fuller - Kate is such an interesting character to me. I think she is very unique, both in how she is written as an individual and how she is worked into the broader themes of the the show. I understand she may not be for everyone, but she works so well for me it’s hard to put into words. Long story short, I really like that she is a genuinely good person who cares about people, and who still does selfish things. And she pays for the mistakes she makes too, she’s not bulletproof because she’s nice and has good intentions, bad things happen to her. She has so much agency in the show, and the choices she makes really matter, not just in what happens to her, but in how it effects everyone else too. She may be a symbol of light and love forgiveness, but she is also so much more than that, she’s a person with flaws too, and her flaws are one of the things I love best about her since it highlights the good in her. I’m not someone who believes people who are without the urge to sin are good people, I think that overcoming your darker nature is what makes you good. And the last season may not feature a lot of Kate as herself, but she is still a huge driving force in how it plays out, both in the impact she had on other people, and who she still is underneath Amaru’s control. Plus her faith in God is one of the more honest and nuanced portrayals of someone with a deep faith I’ve ever seen on tv, so that’s pretty neat.

my favorite male character: Seth Gecko - Seth is the perfect embodiment of his type of character, the asshole with the heart of gold. Because the show really does let him be an asshole! He pokes at people,  he says stuff he knows will piss people off, he can be intimidating and controlling and bullheaded. But he loves deeply, and really does care not just about the people he loves (who are few) but also about people he sees as innocent, as needing protection. His view of right and wrong is screwed up, but it’s there and it’s strong and it motivates him. And as much as he scoffs at the idea of salvation and redemption, his belief that he is himself damned proves the lie there. He feels deeply responsible (which is one sure indicator of if a character is going to be my favorite, I love characters who feel a deep sense of responsibility) and he really does struggle with how to deal with that, and while sometimes he runs or screws up, he ultimate learns and grows and becomes a big hero who is willing to do the selfless thing when it counts.

my favorite book/season/etc: Season 3 - I think season 3 has the strongest episodes, best pacing overall, and the most interesting character setups and payoffs of the show. The first two seasons were good, but I think the show really hit it’s stride in season 3. Sure, there are still some plot holes and missteps, but they are minor. I wish overall they had more episodes so they could do more with some characters but with only 10 episodes I think they really did a great job keeping it moving towards the big finale, and paid off a lot of Dusks main themes in new and interesting ways. The monster of the week format gave us a lot of new cool mythology, and most of character growth felt earned and like a natural progression of what we’d seen so far. Plus, the Western Genre is a favorite of mine, so the two parter at the end was just so delightful to me. 

my favorite episode (if its a tv show) La Llorona - Best monster design, amazing atmosphere, and some really excellent character interactions. Not only do we get the obviously great Seth, Kate and SethKate stuff, but we learn a lot more about who Amaru during the interrogation scene, and see her at her creepiest and most effective as a foil to the characters. Amaru works best for me as a villain for how she corrupts and manipulates people, and we really get to see that first hand this episode. Plus, great Burt backstory, sets up Freddie's arc for the end of the season in a cool way, Richie figuring out how to use his connections to the supernatural to help, and Brandon Soohoo gets some much needed spotlight as Scott gets tortured with his past choices in a very moving way. 

my favorite cast member: DJ Cotrona - A lot of the cast seems really great, and like they really like and respect each other, but DJ does stand out as my fave due to his sense of humor, his intense love of film making and character development and just general geeking out about stuff makes him seem so charming. He just seems like a really neat passionate person, who puts a lot of thought into his performance. Plus, he is real easy on the eyes, which doesn’t hurt lol.

my favorite ship: SethKate - Someday soon I hope to finish my ship history meme, and there will be more on this ship, and why I love it so. The chemistry feels natural, and the ship deals with a lot of my favorite themes to explore in fiction, like: how identity intersects with responsibility, the power of love and forgiveness to effect change in ourselves and others, and how loving someone doesn’t make you right, or bulletproof, but it can make you stronger than you thought was possible, strong enough to do the right thing. When I think of Kate and Seth standing at the gate to Hell and drawing enough strength from each other to do the hard thing, the thing that will cost them the most, and smiling at each other so softly and lovingly. That’s the most freaking romantic thing I can think of, honestly.

a character I’d die defending: Scott Fuller - Scott holds a very special place in my heart, and I think he sometimes gets judged more harshly than he should be. Yes, he does a lot of awful things during the course of the show that result in long lasting damage (or death) to other people, but he also starts out as an angry and lost teenager still figuring out who is he, and then given and extraordinary ability to do damage in a world he is just not prepared for. He tries so hard to find a place to belong, and to define himself. Trusts the wrong people at the wrong times, and makes so many mistakes. He learns a ton of very hard lessons along the way, and while he still has a long road to travel, I really love his journey, and want so badly to see what he does next and the man he becomes.

a character I just can’t sympathize with: Sex Machine - Biggest misstep of the show for me, hands down. And it’s not the actual character  (or the actor, who plays him really well) so much as how the narrative treats him like he’s comic relief. His treatment in season three as just one of the gang just bugs the crap out of me. I get the show is about morally grey characters, but c’mon man. Did they really need his “expert” advice so much that they could overlook that he was actively preying on his students? He was clearly turning them because he wanted to have sex with them, which is so gross. What layers are there to this man beyond predatory blowhard? Ok I’m going to stop there because I’m probably preaching to the choir, but ugh.

a character I grew to love:  Richie Gecko -  Richie is the character that grew on me the most throughout the show. He started as someone who was just so unsettling and disturbing, and by the end I really grew to view him as... not that? It’s hard to describe, because truthfully I don’t think Richie had a lot of character growth throughout the show, and he doesn’t really change so much as my view of him shifts, both as we learn more about who he was before season 1, and why he was so uniquely vulnerable to Kisa’s manipulations. But being a culebra actually does balance him a bit more, since him becoming an actual predator makes his story is less about a human wrestling with a very real darkness inside him, and more someone who has embraced that darkness trying to find his humanity. Plus, Zane plays him so perfectly. My favorite Richie is the horchata loving lighter side of him, the part that loves his brother and wants to be viewed as capable, that wants to prove himself and just isn’t very good with people or small talk or social cues.

my anti otp: Freddie/Ximena - They had some cute stuff, and good chemistry, but the romance felt very rushed to me, and just not needed. And they were so doomed from the start! I appreciate that Ximena knew and even vocalized it, but I would have much rather seen a platonic partnership develop where they were both navigating what a Peacekeeper and a culebra working together would have looked like. So, mark me down as anti there. (I’m answering this with canon ships, but I know there are people who ship Kate/Richie, I am just not one of them. I view an actual romantic relationship between them as out of character, and just not supported by what interactions we did get. I do like the dynamic they have in the show though, and would like to see it explored more if the show ever came back. And Seth/Richie seems like a fringe ship but since it does exist out there that’s also a big nope for me. double for Seth/Kate/Richie as an OT3)

Thanks for the ask! 🥰

[hashtagartistlife]

To take a break from the wdkaly bs (but not from the bl**ch ending salt), I’ve been mulling around-- I wouldn’t even call it a meta, it’s nothing so grand as that-- an idea in my head for a while now, regarding ichigo-masaki, rukia-kaien, and loosely, isshin-masaki, and the point of all three of those relationships with regard to the ichiruki relationship. 

I’ve always thought the ichiruki relationship is a miracle of a balancing act, for the simple fact that it’s clearly mirroring ichigo-masaki and rukia-kaien, and yet it managed to never be dictated by those associations. How many ih’ers have made the claim that ichigo-rukia is a mother-son or a mentor-student relationship? With a literal mother-son and mentor-student relationship being their parallels, you might think this claim has some grounds-- and yet, ichiruki are anything BUT mother-son or mentor-student in their dynamic. Kubo has managed to avoid them falling into this trap so beautifully by virtue of two things: one, Ichigo and Rukia don’t consciously, directly associate Masaki and Kaien with one another, and two: yes, ichigo-masaki and rukia-kaien are parallels to the ichiruki relationship, but the whole point of them coming up as a parallel was that this time, things are different, and therefore better. 

Bear in mind that the ichigo-rukia similarity to ichigo-masaki and rukia-kaien was obvious to us as third-person omniscient readers, but Ichigo and Rukia themselves don’t consciously look at the other person and think ‘ah, mom’ or ‘ah, Kaien-dono’. Let’s start with the Ichigo-Masaki parallel, which is pretty damn clear cut: it’s directly paralleled with Ichiruki in the chapter Broken Coda. HOWEVER, there is not a single instance in which Ichigo puts Rukia up next to his mom and thinks that they are similar. In fact, in-narrative, their symbols are different: Ichigo describes his mom as the sun, and while we’ve never had in-canon material regarding which celestial body Ichigo thinks Rukia is, word-of-god tells us Rukia is his ray of light, which is much more moon connotations (a ray of light offering hope in the darkness) than it is a sun thing. Sure, he does have his mom flashback moment with regard to Rukia in Broken Coda, where he narrates that he wasn’t able to protect... again, indicating he’s equating this failure to his failure to protect his mom. But note, what he’s equating here is the failure; he’s not equating rukia to his mom directly. It’s made abundantly clear throughout the rest of the manga that Rukia’s significance to him is unique and not due to some random similarity with Masaki. When Orihime is asked, what makes this girl so special? she answers not with ‘she’s like the sun; she draws everyone in; she reminds him of his mother’ but with ‘she changed his world’, an answer that clearly sets her apart from anyone else mentioned in the manga for Ichigo.

Now, Rukia-Kaien. The Rukia-Kaien parallel is a little looser, and a little more extended than the Ichigo-Masaki one. The obvious episodic parallel here is Memories in the Rain (and just to reinforce it, Rukia’s flashback chapters involving Kaien are called… you guessed it, Memories in the Rain 2). But here, if Rukia is reminded of anything by Ichigo’s recklessness, it’s not Kaien himself; it’s Kaien’s recklessness, Kaien’s desire for revenge, and her inability to stop him from going to his destruction that she recalls. Just like with Ichigo, she’s not equating Ichigo to Kaien – she’s equating her helplessness in the first situation to her helplessness in the second.

But MITR alone isn’t the full Rukia-Kaien story parallel; it’s only a parallel to the first part of it, the part where Rukia struggles with her helplessness and indecision. It’s worth noting that Rukia actually does not recall Kaien at all during the first MITR mini-arc; all she flashes back to is Ukitake, giving the speech about fights to protect life and fights to protect pride. The second part of the Kairuki – Ichiruki parallel is the Soul Society arc, where Rukia is fully convinced that Ichigo (Kaien) is about to die (actually died) because of her (because she stabbed him). And yet, note again it’s not Ichigo’s similarity to Kaien that she dwells on, it’s the guilt that she feels for both situations that’s most prominent. And so, Ichigo’s similarity to Kaien, physical or otherwise, is never brought up by her, never even thought of by her, even thought she has obvious reasons to do so. In this way, Kubo cleverly overlays the Kairuki storyline over the Ichiruki storyline but also manages to avoid the major pitfall of Rukia directly equating Ichigo to Kaien: ‘DOES THAT MEAN SHE’S ONLY SEEING ICHIGO AS A REPLACEMENT KAIEN???’ The answer to that is a HELL NO. Rukia has never approached and bonded with Ichigo as anyone BUT pure Ichigo.

The only times Ichigo’s physical resemblance to Kaien has been brought up was through the mouth of other people; Byakuya, Ukitake. And this is yet another clever way Kubo overlaid these parallels; Kairuki doesn’t factor into the purity of the Ichiruki bond, because Rukia hasn’t ever dwelled on it directly, but this is a nudge-nudge wink-wink to the readers. Rukia doesn’t think about the fact that Ichigo looks almost identical to her first love, but we sure as hell do. ‘This is the same situation!’ Kubo says, ‘only this time, he’s not married! How do you think this will pan out, hmm?’ Additionally—this part is a bit of a reach, but whatever, I’m throwing it in—canonically, Ichigo’s never once thought anything about Rukia that seemed even VAGUELY similar to how he thought about his mom. But Rukia has described Kaien as warm—like putting your hand into a sunbeam without realizing it. Oh wow, I wonder who else Kubo has called sun in direct relation to Rukia????

I know this might be a bit confusing, because I just spent two paragraphs explaining how Rukia doesn’t equate Kaien to Ichigo, but now it seems like I’m saying Kubo’s equating Kaien to Ichigo. He’s not. What Kubo IS doing is he’s established a situational parallel in-narrative, in that the characters themselves only ever equate the situations and not the corresponding characters directly—but by fully utilizing his and our awareness as third-person omniscient readers, he’s pointing out additional factors that might be interesting but not necessarily critical for the overall plot. ‘Hey, that Kairuki tragedy sure was a shame. Luckily, we’ve got a similar story setup in which it was resolved happily! Also, Kaien ver 2 happens to be super not married. Super, super not married. Lol not that it means anything. I know everyone keeps pointing out how similar they look but pfft I’m sure nothing’s ever going to happen there.’ Yeah, fucking right. This asshole.

….Anyway, that leads me to the actual point of my post: THE MAIN PURPOSE OF THE KAIRUKI AND ICHIGO-MASAKI PARALLELS WAS NOT ‘OMG LOOK AT HOW SIMILAR THE SITUATION HERE IS, CLEARLY THIS IS THE SAME DYNAMIC IN THE PRESENT DAY’, IT WAS ‘YEAH, OK, THESE SIMILAR THINGS HAPPENED IN THE PAST AND IT SUCKED SHIT FOR BOTH OUR PROTAGONISTS, BUT THIS TIME THINGS ARE DIFFERENT.’

That’s the whole point. The parallels in the past sucked SHIT. They were, respectively, each of our protagonists’ worst trauma and memory. But THIS time, by virtue of the fact that things are DIFFERENT, by virtue of the strong bond they forged between the two of them (WITHOUT ANY SORT OF TAINT OR SHADOW FROM THEIR PREVIOUS COUNTERPARTS), they rewrote that story. They overcame their traumas. This dynamic in the current day is healthier and stronger than their parallels in the past, because DESPITE the parallels it is a different dynamic altogether. 

Now, here comes the Isshin-Masaki parallel. Once again, this isn’t a direct character parallel; this is a situational parallel. But unlike the previous two parallels, this has BLATANTLY romantic overtones-- AND IT’S ALSO THE MOST CLOSELY FITTING, MOST DIRECTLY OBVIOUS PARALLEL IN THE ENTIRE MANGA. It’s almost a rehash, not a parallel. IDENTICAL SITUATIONS, IDENTICAL STORIES, GENDERS REVERSED, AND THIS ONE IS A LOVE STORY.  Once again, this isn’t dwelled on by the characters in the manga themselves, but to us readers, it’s a HUGE wink-wink nudge-nudge. ‘Look, here’s a love story that looks identical to their initial story. Only, oh, wait, it kinda ended in tragedy. We know these two have a tendency of rewriting their old parallels for the better - don’t you wonder what they’ll do with THIS parallel?’ 

(the answer is, rewrite it better together. because that’s what they did with their other parallels. but that’s the furthest thing from we got in the end.) 

And now, given all this so far: consider the endgame ships(ok, ONE endgame ship, only because Renji was so irrelevant to the overarching plot that he never got any meaningful parallel anywhere), which seem determined to mirror all these parallels DIRECTLY, and copy them as much as possible, rather than rewriting them or creating any difference from them. The biggest attempt I noticed to try and ‘justify’ ichigo -> orihime after the ending, by both the fandom and the official franchise, was by playing up orihime=masaki as much as possible. Her appearance, for one; the way yuzu comments that she reminds her of mom and wants to be closer to her for that reason. As the fans like to bring up, their appearance. Their bubbly personality? Her hairstyle in the final chapter, etc, etc. But the whole POINT of ichigo-masaki in relation to ichiruki was RUKIA WAS NOT MASAKI AND THIS WAS GOOD FOR ICHIGO. By trying to play up orihime = masaki, they’re effectively telling ichigo, marry your biggest trauma. stay tied down to it forever. There is nothing different in store for you. You don’t get to override it, to rewrite it. Not a parallel, but a rehash. In a similar vein, Ichigo was given the Isshin haircut, maybe in a weak attempt to justify IH by attaching it to the Isshin-Masaki parallel. Once again: rehash, not parallel. And finally, Rukia is back in the same position as Kairuki regarding Ichigo: married to someone else. Rehash, not parallel. 

The absolute IRONY and TRAGEDY that the whole POINT of all of these intricately built parallels had always been that ichigo and rukia are different to all of these failed parallels in the past, and yet, in the endgame, all they are doing is desperately trying to copy the parallels to a T and attempting to convince everyone that it makes sense because, look, parallel!..... is an insult not only to our intelligence and comprehension as readers but to the narrative itself, since the parallels depended on BOTH to work. There’s several things I’ve mentioned already in Bleach that have, in the endgame, regressed back to or even past their starting point-- the Sokyouku, the Kuchiki Clan, etc. And now, I guess,  we’re adding Ichigo and Rukia to that list - tied down to all their old, doomed parallels, with the emphasis now on how SIMILAR they are to it rather than how DIFFERENT they are to it; and thus with nothing to break them out of the looming tragedy this time. Fuck this ending. 

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**AN/Disclaimer: fdjskdjfh i said this wasn’t a meta and i honestly thought this was gonna be like... 500 words at most. but oops. this is meta. also, this probably isn’t as watertight as i USUALLY like to make my meta, because this whole concept of parallels is something I’m still poking at and refining. So I reserve the right to change my mind about any of my interpretation here. Goodnight. 

[bitsandbobsandstuff]

A love that never leaves (10)

Summary: Sometimes when you go looking for the past, you find things you never expected. When an accident brings him face to face with something he never knew he lost, Bucky Barnes begins to understand an age old truth – it’s so easy, sometimes, to love the things that destroy us.

Characters: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: Bad language. SMUT, 18+ please.

A/N: Bucky’s reaction surprises her, Sam Wilson might bitch slap Steve Rogers, Bucky makes my favorite sandwich in the entire world because he is a skilled chef, and they have a memorable night together (please stop by if you would like a smut free recap).

But of course, you guys know me, so…I am sorry...

Links don’t work, so if you want to access the full ALTNL Masterlist, just click the MASTERLIST header on my blog.

Previously...

She mourns for Henry and the tragedy of his fate. Loving a soldier was one thing she never expected and the experience nearly killed her. The war trudges on, and sometimes soldiers pass through the village; while she always puts her nursing skills to good use, she keeps her distance.

Sometimes she sits by the creek, washing clothes in the cold water and thinking. She wishes she had the power to scrub her own brain clean, but no.

This is her penance, the one she will pay from now until the end of time.

To remember.

*****

MISSION REPORT

BOTH TARGETS UNEXPECTEDLY INFILTRATED BASE. UNABLE TO SEPARATE AND ADDRESS INDIVIDUALLY. WILL CONTINUE HOLDING PATTERN UNTIL OPPORTUNITY ARISES.

What did they find? Sweat beads along his scalp, freezing drips wetting pale hair. He needs to know, he searched that base from top to bottom, but he knows they found something. The Soldier was skittish, and her - well.

Something happened.

They will tell him. That he can promise.

All in due time.

*****

No one knows this, but sometimes when Bucky can’t sleep, he likes to draw.

Between the two of them, Steve is the real artist, no contest there. For Bucky, it’s not about drawing well, it’s about drawing something that helps him connect with his past.

So occasionally, when the nightmares are really riding his ass, he wanders to the roof of the tower with three things: his pink notebook of “Bucky Facts”, a blank pad of paper, and Steve’s Prismacolor colored pencils. He flips through his notebook and finds something he’s struggling with - and he draws it. For some reason, when he can transpose the memories from a bundle of echoes into a colorful sketch, it cements the idea in his head.

A paint by number puzzle. Words and colors swirled together to reimagine the past he's so desperate to remember.

Now, he sits on the coffee table in front of a woman who has no need to ever remind herself of the past. No need for clumsy outlines and careful colors; the endless infinity of memories locked behind her haunted eyes speaks of every color in the universe and Bucky wonders if he had to paint her memories, what colors could ever convey the horrors of her past.

He thinks she and the Soldier would have a remarkably similar color palette.

God, he hates that fact.

Her voice is hoarse from talking and she keeps swallowing, stubbornly pushing down the lump of tears threatening to melt in her throat. He understands why she was reluctant to tell him, why she said those ridiculous words.

I don’t think you’ll like me very much, when you know.

Everything about her seems so much clearer now. The hesitancy to reveal her past; the strange collection of items he found stashed around her home; her fear he would be angry when he knew her ability. Bucky gets it, he really truly does, but here’s the thing.

It makes no god damn difference.

He loves her. Nothing will change that.

“I’m sorry, Bucky,” he hears her whisper and that’s it.

Scooting forward, he drops from the coffee table to kneel before her. Wiggling himself between her legs, he wraps his arms around her waist and gazes into her miserable expression.

“Listen to me. Do you remember when you told me not to apologize for what happened to me? That is wasn’t my fault? It took me years to even start believing that, but the moment I heard it from you, it finally made sense. You did that for me. So right now, I need you to remember those words and repeat them back to me, alright?”

“I can’t -”

“You can,” he says firmly. “What happened there, what you did - it was not your fault. Do you understand that? It was not your fault. Say it back to me.”

The words are lead in her mouth. It takes several stumbling attempts, but Bucky is patient.

“It wasn’t - it wasn’t my fault,” she finally says, her cold fingers clutching his forearms. Bucky rewards her with a huge smile and buries his face against her belly. He hugs her tighter.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he repeats, his voice muffled in her sweater.

"It wasn't my fault," she says one more time. Threading her fingers through his hair, she drags her nails lightly over his scalp and Bucky leans contentedly into the touch. They sit in silence and let the minutes drift along until he finally feels her tension subside.

A peculiar thought occurs to him, then.

“The base in Poland, where you were held. I think I know it,” he says cautiously. “Awhile back, we got a distress signal from there. I saw that chair, the one you mean. I, um, sort of broke it. Went kinda nuts and tore it apart. They stuck me in rehab after that, but - totally fuckin’ worth it.”

“Good,” she says fervently, wiping her eyes with the heel of her palm. Bucky reaches up and catches her hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles and trying to lighten the mood.

“Well hey, so - you met Carter then,” he says with a grin. Her lip trembles slightly, but she tries to smile.

“I did,” she confirms.

“Wish you could’ve met under better circumstances, you would’ve had a lot in common. Steve loves telling people how often she’d bust my balls.”

Bucky tickles her and she huffs out a breathless laugh and squirms away. He feels a thousand times lighter when he hears a playful note return to her voice.

“Something tells me you probably deserved it Sergeant.”

“Won’t argue there,” Bucky agrees and stretches up to plant a firm kiss on her lips.

*****

The sun is setting when she asks if she can have some time alone. Bucky can see the struggle in her face - reliving nightmares is exhausting.

“I’ll just be outside,” she says quietly, shrugging into her coat. “Need a few minutes to - think, I guess.”

“Hang on,” he says. Going into the kitchen, he flips on her electric kettle, pulls her favorite purple mug from the cupboard, and plops a teabag inside. Grabbing her biggest quilt, he fluffs it open and wraps it tight around her shoulders; once the kettle sings, he hands her the steaming mug of Earl Grey and drops a kiss on her nose. “There, now you’ll be warm.”

For a long moment, she stares at him. Bucky watches her bite her lip, steeling her nerves to speak. He waits expectantly, his hands running lightly up and down her arms to warm her, but nothing happens. Whatever she wanted to say disappears and she looks down.

“Thank you, Bucky.”

“Anytime,” he says softly and opens the door for her. She steps onto the cold porch and sinks onto the top step, tipping her face toward the setting sun. Bucky shuts the door with a click.

Everything changes.

Stalking to the kitchen counter, white-hot rage fills his chest. Snarling at the offending photos, he snatches his phone and dials Steve, and before the phone finishes the first ring, a blond head appears.

“Whaddaya got?” Steve asks, as he rummages through the fridge.

“Are you ever not eating,” Bucky scowls and Steve grunts.

“I’m a growing boy. So?”

Rubbing his forehead, Bucky tries to organize his thoughts and figure out where to begin. The clink and clatter of silverware keeps coming through the phone and then Steve’s piling leftover containers in his arms and dumping them on the counter and out of nowhere, Bucky loses his shit.

“Steve, can you - can you just - I need you to - god fucking dammit Rogers, sit the fuck down!”

Steve jerks to a stop when Bucky’s voice scales up. Considering him for all of three seconds, Steve dumps the mess of leftovers - which all have THESE ARE SAM’S DON’T TOUCH written on them in black marker - without a word and walks away, sinking into an armchair.

“Sorry. I’m listening.”

The whole thing is insane and Bucky has no clue how to begin.

So he just starts talking.

About the woman who saved his life when he was bleeding out in a blizzard; how she called him Soldier and brought him to her home and sewed him up. How he shoved a butcher knife to her throat in thanks, before she told him the story of how she met him years ago. How her words helped him remember that bloody night in Paris.

He tells Steve about deciding to stay, about her potato soup, about how he remembered Steve telling him about the letters he got from his girl during the war, and how it felt when Bucky realized he was the Jimmy she wanted that night. He relays the story of how they met during the war and Steve sucks in a shocked breath. Bucky tells him she kept all his letters and how she let him read them again and how he asked her to marry him the last time they were in the village and if he sees tears fill Steve’s eyes, he forces himself to ignore it.

He keeps talking.

About discovering the information at the base, photos and information about the original soldier trials and how there must be someone who fired up the signal, because Bucky found recent blood and a clean black glove. He tells Steve about her ability and what Hydra did to her all those years ago and he can hear Steve’s teeth clack together, can see the furious tick in his jaw.

It smooths away for a moment, when Bucky recounts the story with Peggy. Steve always was a sap.

Bucky tells him almost everything, but saves some things for himself; he figures he deserves to have a few memories that are all his own.

Well, not just his. Theirs.

When he finishes, Steve is silent. Bucky can see the thoughts swing dancing through his brain as he works it out. Finally, Steve clears his throat.

“Okay, that’s a lot to unravel. I’m gonna have some questions, but for now I’m just gonna go with it. Sounds great.” Bucky snorts and Steve just shrugs. “What can I say? It’s fuckin’ weird, but we’ve seen weirder. I trust your judgement. Tell me what you need.”

Yes, Steve Rogers can be a massive pain in the ass, but Bucky sure fucking loves him.

“Alright. The first distress signal we got was that base near Krakow, where she was kept,” Bucky says. “They were testing soldiers there and I found more evidence here - it can’t be a coincidence. I think there’s something or someone connected, I just haven’t found the link.”

“Let’s assume you’re right,” Steve says. “What next?”

“I’m going back into town tomorrow to see if I can dig up anything else. Can you look into that Hydra fuck who was chasing her? See if there’s something we’re not seeing?”

“Got it,” Steve answers. “Say the name again?”

“First name Wilhelm, last name Richter, Romeo-India-Charlie-Hotel-Tango-Echo-Romeo,” he rattles off. “I vaguely recognize his face, but I was still new when he disappeared, and those early memories are shit. I think the story was that he deserted, but that’s all I got.”

“Going to the lab now,” Steve heaves himself to his feet and walks swiftly toward the elevators. Smashing the button, he waits impatiently and then looks down at the phone, his expression softening. “Hey Buck?”

“Yeah?” Bucky says distractedly, craning his neck to see out the window. He can still see her sitting on the steps, gazing pensively into the coming night.

“You got your girl back. I’m - hey. I’m really fuckin’ happy for you.” Surprised, Bucky looks down at the phone and sees Steve giving him a crooked grin. “You deserve this. Don’t forget that.”

Bucky nods, feels his face grow warm. “Yeah. Thanks man.”

“I’m coming out to see you both, soon as we get this sorted,” Steve warns. The elevator in front of him dings and Bucky barks out a happy laugh. The idea of his best friend staying at their house like they’re an ordinary couple, with a boring life and annoying friends who crash on their couch - it sends cozy domestic tingles skittering up his spine and he can’t fight the idiotic grin.

“You got it.”

Steve gives him a goodbye salute and the elevator ends the call.

*****

“I was thinking,” Bucky says an hour later.

Dressed in his old sweatpants and ratty Captain America t-shirt, he’s slouched against the arm of the couch. Curled tight against him, her head is tucked into his shoulder. She musters a tiny smile when she looks up. “Should I be nervous?”

“Hey,” he pouts. “It’s like you assume I’d have crazy ideas or something.”

“When the shoe fits,” she murmurs, poking him.

“Very true.” Placing a finger under her chin, he tips her face up and gives her an exaggerated kiss. “But it’s not that crazy. How about I make you supper?”

She perks up at the suggestion, her strained smile morphing into something real. “I’d love that.”

Scrambling from the couch, Bucky grabs her hands and lifts her up. “Come keep me company,” he urges, guiding her to the kitchen counter. Tugging a blanket tight around her shoulders, she shuffles with him and hops up on a barstool. Even through the layers of sadness, he sees a glimmer of happiness spark in her eyes, and honestly?

That’s all he wanted.

Digging through her drawer of kitchen towels, he finds a green polka-dot apron and ties it around his waist with a flourish. Pulling a hair tie off his wrist, he coaxes the strands into a messy bun, and then cracks his knuckles for good measure.

“You definitely look the part,” she compliments and Bucky winks.

“Alright, so this is a Bucky specialty,” he says confidentially. Rifling through the cabinets, he sets a skillet on the stovetop and starts assembling the ingredients: bread, butter, honey, peanut butter, and three bananas. “I make excellent cereal, exceptional frozen pizza, and this - fried peanut butter, honey, and banana sandwiches.”

She wrinkles her nose skeptically. “That doesn’t sound like a real thing.”

“Darlin’,” he says, reaching over and tapping her on the nose with a spatula, “where’s the trust?”

Finally. Finally, he gets the sound he wanted.

A small laugh escapes.

“You’re right. Sorry Buck,” she says, and when he sees the adoration in her eyes, he thinks his heart might explode.

Ten minutes later, he slides the gooey sandwich onto her plate and if she still looks skeptical, she gives him the benefit of the doubt. Taking a small bite, she chews for a moment and looks up in surprise.

“This is fantastic!” she exclaims. Bucky grins and takes a huge, messy bite; peanut butter drips onto the plate, a bit of honey gets stuck in his beard, and a few bananas tumble out.

“Got lots of hidden talents, just you wait and see.”

*****

One bottle of wine, and four sandwiches later, Bucky sees her stifling a yawn and proclaims himself exhausted and ready for bed.

“You go on up,” he tells her, “I’ll be there in a sec.”

While she makes her way upstairs, Bucky does a methodical loop around the small cabin. He checks, double checks, and then triple checks every single lock; every window and every door, even the fireplace flue, gets a thorough review. Once he’s satisfied, he flips the lights off and stands at the living room window, letting his eyes adjust. Feathery snowflakes are swirling again and as he glares into the moonlit night, he finds threats lurking everywhere.

The wind whistling through the trees beyond the front door. The shadows beside the weatherworn walls of the woodshed. The meandering flow of the icy creek down the slope. Before it felt peaceful and idyllic - now it seems harsh and sinister.

It infuriates him.

What does he have to do to have a normal god damn life with her? Why is there always something standing in their way?

“Whoever you are,” he mutters, “and whatever you want, you stay the fuck away from her.”

But the night keeps it’s dark secrets. With a vicious sneer, Bucky heads upstairs.

*****

Flickers of blue and orange dance merrily in the fireplace, casting a warm glow around the dark bedroom. Padding silently to the doorway, he stops.

And he drinks up the image hungrily, slotting it into his newly built box of favorite memories.

Huddled on the bed, her knees are drawn up to her chest and she gazes thoughtfully into the flames, her chin cupped in her palm. When he clears his throat, she looks over with the ghost of a smile.

“Hey, you,” Bucky says quietly. Walking to the foot of the bed, he waits nervously. For what, he doesn’t know, but it feels like the right thing to do.

Sitting up on her knees, she leans forward and skims her hands lightly up his chest, circling his broad shoulders and trailing down his arms. When her fingers brush over his hands, one a little sweaty, one always cold, she picks both of them up together and drops a kiss on his knuckles.

It nearly makes him cry.

Instead, he curls a wide hand behind her neck and finds her lips. The kiss is deep, his tongue rubbing gently against hers and it feels like heaven, sizzling hot and full of fire. God, her kiss could bring him to his knees.

But rather unexpectedly, she breaks away.

And Bucky feels his entire world tilt when she sheds her t-shirt, before eagerly meeting his lips again. Frozen in surprise, he feels her guiding his hands over her body, until his fingers are splayed across her bare skin and this time he breaks the kiss with a strangled groan.

“Are you sure?” he says hoarsely, staring intently while he struggles to keep his hands from roaming. “We don’t have to do anything, I don’t expect - “

“Please, Bucky” she interrupts softly, her cool hands skimming down his chest and he tightens his abs reflexively. “Please?”

There’s no way on earth, he’s telling her no.

Cupping her breasts, thumbs brushing lightly over her nipples, Bucky moves in for another kiss. Metal and human, his fingers circle her breasts, pinching and rolling the sensitive skin until she’s panting into his mouth and he drinks down the sweet sounds. He feels her bunching up the fabric of his shirt, wordlessly asking him to remove it, and he wants to feel her skin on his more than anything, but then his stupid head gets in the way again.

“My - my scars and everything, they’re not - it ain’t pretty,” he warns. “I know you saw them when you fixed me up, but this is different. I know that, you don’t have to - I mean, I can leave the shirt on, if you - you know, if you want.”

“No,” she says fiercely. “I want you, Bucky. All of you.”

The words are magic and Bucky sags with relief. Taking a deep breath, he crosses his arms and and he shakes only a little when he pulls the shirt off. It drops from numb fingers, and the web of thick scars looks surreal in the firelight, smooth and dark pink. He watches her eyes find the pattern carved into his skin, five ropes of raised tissue clearly outlining his attempt to claw the damn thing off in some past life.

Fucking Christ, he hates this part of himself, he really fucking does.

But of course, it doesn’t faze her.

Bringing her mouth to the joint of his shoulder, she presses her lips to his scars, and each line Bucky unwittingly scratched into his body, she memorizes with her tongue. On and on, her mouth moves against him and when she finally stops, the puckered skin feels warm for the first time in his entire life.

In disbelief, he stares at the unfiltered love in her face and he feels the faint burn of tears pricking his eyes.

How the hell did he ever got so god damn lucky?

With a rush, he slants his mouth back over hers, and pushes her back into the fluffy blankets. Crawling hurriedly over her, he settles between her legs, never breaking the kiss, while he reacquaints himself with everything. The tiny noises she makes, the feel of her body beneath him, the insistent way she rolls her hips against him. Every bit feels perfect and Bucky loses himself in her, time immaterial as he does his best to take her apart.

Because if she really does have to remember everything, well - Bucky's damn well going to give her something incredible to remember.

When her fingers trail down and hook in the waistband of his sweats, desire zings straight to his dick and he’s so close to just going with it, he really is, but god dammit, he’s a moron who’s unable to let himself be happy, so once again, he breaks the kiss with a reluctant hiss.

“Fucking hell. Wait, wait, before we do anything, I’m sorry, but I need - I have to tell you, I gotta be honest,” he rasps urgently, cursing himself in every language he knows. “There are - there were - there have been others. Through the years, I’ve been with other people. During - when I was with them. And then a couple others since I came back.”

Okay, maybe Steve Rogers isn’t a cockblock after all.

Maybe Bucky Barnes is his own god damn idiot cockblock.

Shame wells up and he tries to look away, but she immediately turns him back.

“Bucky, no. Don’t. I assumed. It was seventy years. Of course, there were other people,” she gives him a crooked little smile. “There were others for me too, sometimes. When I needed to - to cope. With the loneliness.”

There’s a wild flash of anger at her words, not directed at her, not even directed at the nameless lovers in her bed, but directed at the circumstances that put them on this path; they deserved better than this. But regardless, he needs her to understand something.

Something that shapes everything they are together.

“It was only ever you though,” he promises heatedly. “Deep down inside, it was only you. It’s only ever been you. I need you to know that.”

“I know,” she says, and she tugs him down for another toe-curling kiss.

This time, finally - he goes with it.

“I want to memorize every single inch of your body,” he murmurs. “Don’t want to ever forget again.”

So he starts at the top.

He kisses the curve of her shoulders, the delicate skin over her collarbone; he licks and sucks at her nipples until her skin feels chaffed from his rough beard. He pulls down her sleep shorts as he moves lower, fumbling awkwardly with his own sweats and tossing them both over his shoulder. At first he skips what he really wants, and instead searches out the fragile bones at her ankles, traces the smooth muscle in her calves, nips the skin behind her knee.

He holds himself back until he can’t take it any more.

And then he buries his face between her legs with a groan.

She tastes like heaven. Fuck, how did he live this long without having her on his tongue every single day? He feels her knees tip inward self-consciously and he gently pushes them open, keeping them pinned to the bed because he’s planning to stay here forever if she'll let him.

Looking down, she finds him watching intently. His dark hair tickles her thighs, his bright blue eyes burn her from the inside out, and her entire body begins to tingle. Fingers flex, toes curl, her breath comes fast and rough, and then Bucky sucks her clit hard and pushes two thick fingers into her.

Strung out and floating, she grab fistfuls of his hair and moans.

Bucky grips her leg tight and breaks away for a split second to speak.

“Come on honey, let go for me,” his voice is a low growl and she glances down to see him grinding his hips into the bed, searching for his own relief, and it’s that flex and roll, the way his muscles bunch so beautifully, that tips her over the edge. With a cry, she comes hard, clutching his face to her as the orgasm shivers through every cell of her body.

“Oh god,” she rasps, “oh god, Bucky.”

It thrills him beyond anything, the sound of his name like a prayer on her lips.

“So good,” he murmurs, still continuing the light strokes of his tongue. “You taste so fucking good.”

“That was - that was - god, Bucky” she mumbles, tripping over the words. Mouthing at the curve of her hip, he hums delightedly.

“Just getting started. Can you turn over for me?” he asks gently, and she blinks slowly, before her smile follows. Rolling to her stomach, she stretches languidly, wrapping her arms around a pillow. “I hope you have another one in you,” Bucky says lowly, giving her bottom a playful squeeze.

“I think I can manage,” she says, her voice muffled, and Bucky huffs a laugh. Planting a kiss at the base of her spine, he works his way north, his tongue tracing every bump along the way. Up, up, up, his lips cover the knobs up her back and his fingers follow, warm flesh and cool metal walking up her ribcage, until he reaches the back of her neck. Licking a slow line up, he mouths at the smooth skin behind her ear and her body twitches at the feel.

Nudging her legs open further, he shifts his hips and reaches a hand down to grip himself tight. Willing himself to stop shaking, he rubs himself between her legs, and finds her so wet and so slick from the orgasm he gave her just moments before. With his lips at her ear, he whispers his favorite words in a low rush.

“I love you,” he tells her, before he pushes himself inside.

At the feel, he goes utterly still.

It rattles him down to his god damn bones, this love he has for her - she can feel him trembling above her and she glances over her shoulder to meet his wide-eyed stare.

“I love you too,” she breathes, and her voice is the anchor he needs. Blinking rapidly, he dips down to kiss her cheek.

And he starts to move.

All Bucky knows in this moment, is her. The tight feel of her on his cock. The way her skin holds a hint of salt. The way she shudders every time he bottoms out. Every nuance of her body that he must have memorized in his past life.

Sliding his hand beneath her, his fingers find their way between her legs and he strokes her clit with every slow rock of his hips. Against the backdrop of dim light from the crackling fire, the room fills with the delicious sounds of pleasure, quiet grunts and the sharp catch of breath and the rustle of fabric as a body slides over silky sheets.

Dropping his mouth to the pulse at her neck, he sucks gently, insatiable for the thrumming feel of her heartbeat laid bare on his tongue. When he hears her breathing harder, sees her hands gripping the bedsheets tighter, feels her body beginning that faint tremble again, he abruptly changes his mind.

“Wait, please wait,” he begs, pulling himself carefully from her body and rolling her onto her back. Wide eyes meet his and time stops.

Spread out beneath him, she is sheer perfection.

Before she can speak, Bucky captures her lips again and shoves himself back into her.

And maybe it’s the strangest thing, but even without the memories to guide him, that muscle memory branded into his heart knows what to do. Just like their first time together, Bucky pulls her leg up and hitches it around his waist, thrusting into her harder. Unable to speak, unable to even look away, they watch each other, both devouring the small bits they find, in case god forbid, they ever lose each other again.

When her fingers curl around his neck, drawing him closer, he rests his forehead against hers.

“Bucky,” she whispers, his name catching in her throat, “Bucky.”

“I’m here,” he pants above her. Every thrust comes faster and his control begins to slip. “I’m here, I lo-love you, god I love you so fu-fucking much, never leaving you again, not ev-ever,” he grits out.

Anchoring his knees to the mattress, he slams himself into her again and again, hitting every nerve ending just right and suddenly she finds a universe of stars. Clutching his shoulders, she clings tight to him as her body tenses and she comes one more time.

Bucky stutters out a wrecked groan when he feels her body gripping him, and that familiar tingle hits his belly. Burying his face in her neck, he gives one last, hard thrust and then grinds himself against her, a strangled growl ripping from his throat when he follows her into that blissful oblivion.

Breathing hard, he keeps his eyes shut tight against her, willing his heart to slow. Against her neck, he sucks a wet line up her throat, back to her lips. Warm, lazy kisses ease them both back to reality and their racing hearts find a new rhythm.

One that beats together.

Muscle memory, in the purest sense.

When you cut to the heart of their story, there’s a simple truth: they’re so different from who they were together in 1944. Both have lived multiple lifetimes, filled with all the tragedy and heartbreak the world could dish out; it shaped each of them in ways the other has yet to discover.

But even though time has reshaped them into something new, there are some things that will never change.

Each touch buzzes with forgotten familiarity, the way she trails her fingers up his sweat-slick bicep, like something he remembers from a hazy dream; the way his breath catches with every slow thrust of his hips is a sound she could follow in her sleep; the way their bodies fall easily into a rhythm together, an unconscious muscle memory.

Bucky wants to run into the snowy night, wants to shout his happiness to the heavens. This right here, this is what the poets sing about. Every line, every song, every beat of a lovestruck heart. Here in her arms, he finds everything he ever hoped to have and in the fading firelight, he holds fast to the one truth he knows above all else.

Love like this, is worth any cost.

“You’re the love of my life,” he whispers, and she lays her cheek against his chest and kisses the sweaty skin above his heart.

Right there, Bucky knows he’s the luckiest man on Earth.

*****

The sun is just beginning to creep into the eastern horizon, but he’s been awake for hours.

Laying between her legs, his head is pillowed on her stomach. The sleep shirt she wears is tissue thin and satiny smooth; it smells just like her and keeps taking deep, cleansing breaths, trying to embed that scent into his memory. Bit creepy maybe, but oh well.

Dim rays of light begin to slip into the room, filtering through the tall pine trees flanking the window, and as the world begins to wake, she follows. Like a touch-starved kitten, Bucky nuzzles into her, wordlessly asking for affection and when she scratches her nails along his scalp, it feels so damn good, he gives a blissful little groan.

“I love you,” he murmurs, and she hums.

“I love you,” she mumbles sleepily and there’s a pleased rumble in his chest at her reply.

“Won’t ever get tired of hearing that,” he sighs happily.

“I’ll never get tired of saying it,” she answers with a yawn.

Still half asleep, he feels her relaxing, the comforting strokes of her fingers getting slower, heavier, and he knows she’s drifting back to sleep. Maybe he should let her, but there are these words he’s been practicing under his breath all night long and he’s getting anxious and he just wants to say them, before he loses the nerve.

“Darlin’?” he asks quietly, folding his hands across her chest and resting his chin on them.

“Hmmm?” she says, her voice a bit slurry as she opens her eyes. Bucky fleetingly thinks every bit of light in the world must be concentrated on her, because she’s the only thing he can see.

Heart racing, he tamps down the nervousness and wets his lips. He wants to do this right, wants to make sure it’s perfect.

“Would you do something for me?” he says carefully, choosing those words, borrowing that phrase he gave her back in 1944 and god, he hopes he’s returning them in the way she remembers.

At first, she doesn’t catch it, simply running her fingers down his arm, but her words are so naturally reminiscent of the past.

“I’d do anything for you.” Bucky says nothing, simply waiting. She’s confused by his silence, until he tilts his head and a slow smile curves his lips. Her eyes widen and she blinks slowly. “Bucky -“

The staccato thrum of her heartbeat is suddenly flying against his hands and his blue eyes are so bright, overflowing with emotion when he completes the question.

“Would you marry me?”

Time, normally an unending commodity, freezes. They stare at each other, Bucky holding his breath as he waits, desperate for the same answer she gave him in 1945, knowing it’s a risk, he’s taking a huge leap here, but unable to do anything except go for it.

“I want to marry you Bucky, I do, I want - I want it so - god, I want it so much. You’re all I ever - this is the only thing I’ve ever wanted - “

Blowing out a huge breath, Bucky starts to laugh. Bouncing up, he cuts her off, peppering her face with happy kisses, sloppy wet trails down her forehead, over her cheeks, on her nose, up her neck. Every inch of skin he can find he marks with excited lips.

“Shit, thank god, ugh thank god! I mean it this time, I’m getting you that ring. Soon as I get back to New York I’ll get it, you come with me, we’ll pick it out together, anything you want. Hell, I got decades of back-pay from the army, and I mean, I hate to brag, but I’m sorta rich now.”

“Bucky -“

“Whatever you want for a wedding, I’m game. If you want something big, that’s great. Something small, even better. Only thing I need is to have the team there, and Steve’ll flat out murder me if he doesn’t get to stand up with us, he’s a real bitch for attention sometimes.”

“Bucky -“

“And we can live wherever you want, doesn’t matter to me. I’d love to just stay here if that’s okay, if you don’t mind, I mean it really feels like home and I ain’t had one of those for so damn long, but if you wanna live in New York or hell, anywhere, I can make it work, I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Bucky, I’m - “

“And I’m done with work, that’s it,” he laughs exuberantly “Stark’ll be pissed, he just made me this new arm, but I don’t fuckin’ care, I got you now, I’m staying put unless they get really desperate and -“

“Bucky, stop!”

The panic in her voice is like a wave of ice water. It shuts him down instantly. Silence hangs heavy in the room before he blows out a long breath.

“Shit,” he says softly, embarrassment pinking his cheeks. “Dammit, that was - was that too much? M’sorry, I got carried away, I just - shit, I’m sorry.”

Sitting up on her knees to face him, she reaches up and tucks his messy hair behind his ears and cups his flushed face in her palms. “No, it wasn’t too much, it was - it was perfect, that’s not it.”

“Okay. Okay, so - was it something else I said?”

She says nothing, but instead she searches his face, her eyes slowly roaming over every feature and Bucky thinks for a moment that she’s memorizing him. Licking her lips, she rubs her thumbs lightly over his sharp cheekbones and she swallows hard.

“Shit,” she says under her breath. “Shit, shit, shit. Fuck.”

“Hey now, thought I was the one with the potty mouth here,” he jokes weakly. She doesn’t crack a smile and Bucky feels his stomach swoop uncertainly. “Darlin’, what - what’s the matter?”

Still, she says nothing. Longing is so heartbreakingly clear in her face and Bucky can’t reconcile it. Suddenly, she surges forward, pressing her lips to his and he catches her, folding her up in his arms. She kisses him desperately, twining her arms around his neck and Bucky still has no idea what’s going on, but it doesn’t matter. All he wants, is to soothe whatever terrible thought is upsetting her, because this is his job, this is what he does.

He loves her, no matter what.

When she finally breaks the kiss, he tries to smile. “What was that for?”

Breathing hard, she closes her eyes.

“Just in case.”

With those words, she extricates herself from his arms and climbs from the bed. Walking to the fireplace, she slots her fingers into a tiny groove on the bottom of the third stone above the mantle. It takes no more than a gentle tug, and the stone comes away easily. Setting it carefully on the floor, she reaches into the black space it reveals.

Another hiding spot.

Whatever she collects, she stares at it for a full minute, before clasping it to her chest. Turning slowly, fearful eyes lock on his face and for a fleeting moment, Bucky conjures the morbid image of someone walking to their own execution. Climbing back onto the bed, she sits back on her heels and he sees her clutching a small silver box.

“I want to marry you Bucky Barnes. I want to spend every day of the rest of my life with you, because I’ve loved you every single day since the moment we met, and I hope - I need you to know that.”

“I know, honey,” he says in absolute confusion.

“You’re the love of my life. Please remember that,” she whispers, and she sets the silver box on the bed. The lock has five numbers, and she spins each dial until it pops open. Fingers shaking, she picks up the small piece of fabric inside and holds it out for him to see.

It’s the strangest thing.

In her hand, is a ripped piece of faded blue cloth, with a familiar gray patch sewn into it; smudgy rust-red splotches color the edges like fingerprints.

Wings. Gray wings. Nostalgically familiar, because back in the war, each of the Howling Commandos wore one on their left sleeve, a mirror image tribute to the one painted on Steve’s helmet.

Including Bucky. Who wore one on the left sleeve of his coat.

The left sleeve of his blue coat.

Now, he stares uncomprehendingly at the piece of cloth. “What - “ he starts, but his voice fades. Small shivers are running through her body as she watches him, her face filled with dread. Taking a shaky breath, she whispers.

“There was one other time we met.”

*****

Next Chapter

*****

[daresplaining]

Blindspot: Empowering Invisibility

    I’ve been writing posts reflecting back on my favorite parts of Charles Soule’s Daredevil run... and hey, I almost got through all of them before the new run started! The final topic I wanted to cover is Sam Chung/Blindspot, who-- alongside Real Boy Mike Murdock-- is the most significant new character Soule created during his time on the comic.

    Sam has come a long way for a guy everyone thought was Gambit when his image was first released. With his introduction, he became Matt’s first official, long-term “apprentice” and a compelling addition to the ranks of Marvel’s young, up-and-coming superheroes. I’d always wanted to see how Matt would handle a sidekick, so I was very excited about this, and while I think Sam’s story was not as strong as it could have been, I am eager for him to return to further cement his role within the Daredevil universe and beyond.

    Matt has acted as a mentor in the past (most notably to Angela Del Toro, the second White Tiger, during Bendis’s run), but Sam is the closest he has ever come to having an actual sidekick. Thus, his new working relationship with Sam puts him in a fun new role: passing on what he has learned as a superhero, and testing his abilities as a teacher. 

Sam: “Whoa, hold on now... what are you--”

Matt: “And suddenly, everyone can see you. What do you do now, Blindspot? You need to be the weapon-- not some gadget.”

Sam: “I dunno. Iron Man seems to do okay.”

Matt: “You could drop Tony Stark naked in the middle of the desert and he’d fly out in a jet made of sand and cactus needles. It’s not his stuff that gives him power. It’s his brain. Try using yours. You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes.”

Daredevil vol. 5 #2 by Charles Soule, Ron Garney, and Matt Milla

    Soule’s run, overall, suffers from a lack of emotion. It is all plot, no character, and this weakens the development of Matt and Sam’s relationship. Beyond a touching glimpse of their initial first encounter in All-New, All-Different Point One (Sam’s introductory issue), we don’t get to see much of their developing dynamic. The run jumps right in after they have already started working together, and that’s mostly the context in which we see them-- work. We don’t get any real bonding scenes. We don’t get to see Matt decide to train Sam (which must have been a huge decision-- Matt would have been hesitant to take on that responsibility, especially since he’d just tightened up his secret identity again) or the early negotiating of their relationship. Sam later comes to see Matt as a father figure, which should be very powerful, but the only way we know that is because he comes out and says it, because of the shortage of actual parent/child-type moments between them. 

    That said, there is a lot to enjoy in their dynamic. Matt and Sam are very similar people, and this makes them great foils for each other. Like Matt, Sam is stubborn, smart, and often reckless. He has an attitude, as well as a huge amount of compassion and a desire to help others. He also has a lot of secrets (neither knows the other’s civilian identity for a significant amount of time, which contributes to the emotional distance mentioned above, but is also completely in-character.)  And Sam and Matt work well as a team and develop a lot of respect for each other. Matt is a tough but fair teacher, and he sees himself in Sam.  

Sam: “Well, I finally got the cast off my arm.”

Matt (caption): “Right. The cast for the arm Elektra broke when I introduced her to you in a fit of utter idiocy.”

Sam: “Thought I might get a workout in. It’s been a while.”

Matt (caption): “A workout. He means he’s going out on patrol as Blindspot. I get it. The hero game’s addictive. It’s hard to stay away for too long. God knows I’ve rushed back out before I was ready a hundred times. [...] He’s not listening to a word I say. Then again, when I was in his place, training with Stick... I didn’t listen much either. I heard... everything. But I didn’t like to listen. Oh, well.”

Daredevil vol. 5 #10 by Charles Soule, Ron Garney, and Matt Milla

    The similarities don’t end there. Like Matt, Sam grew up in a low-income single-parent household, and has close ties to a particular Manhattan neighborhood (in his case, Chinatown). But his situation is made even more challenging by the fact that he is an undocumented immigrant, and this distinction between Matt’s experience and Sam’s is actually really interesting. Matt fully sympathizes with Sam, but there is a disconnect that highlights the additional challenges in Sam’s life that impact his budding superhero career. 

Matt: “Wait. I didn’t realize... you’re hurt.”

Sam: “Yeah. One of them got me. Stings like hell.”

Matt: “You need to go to the hospital.”

Sam: “Sure thing. You remember when I told you I don’t have papers, which means I can’t get a real job, which means I can’t get insurance? So, you got a spare twenty grand you can loan me for an E.R. visit, I’ll head right over. Otherwise, it’s band-aids and Advil.”

Daredevil vol. 5 #3 by Charles Soule, Ron Garney, and Matt Milla 

Sam: “I’ve been working on this suit since I was twelve. It was supposed to be my big break. My ticket out. Until I found out how expensive it was to file a patent. How easy it is to steal inventions from illegal immigrants doing their best to stay off the radar so they don’t get deported. I invented a miracle-- a damn invisibility suit-- and now I have to spend half my pay on batteries just to keep the thing running. How the hell do the other guys do it?”

All-New, All-Different Marvel Point One, “Blindspot” by Charles Soule, Ron Garney, and Matt Milla

    This is what makes Sam extra compelling and unique among the ranks of Marvel’s heroes. As an undocumented immigrant, he is in constant danger. Drawing attention to himself is really risky, because if something goes wrong and the police find out who he is, he could lose everything. The precariousness of his life makes his actions as a superhero, his willingness to put himself into the spotlight and take those risks, all the more admirable. It’s also symbolic that the invention that prompted him to become a superhero is an invisibility suit, because invisibility is a key part of his life. As a non-citizen, he feels like an outsider-- unseen, insignificant. But that invisibility is also a source of protection. The idea of someone in Sam’s position actually weaponizing invisibility, while at the same time making himself visible by became a superhero-- who, by their very nature, are public figures-- is a powerful concept. And of course, there’s symbolism in the fact that Sam is working alongside Matt-- one of the few people who can perceive him while he is invisible. 

    Over the course of the run, we see Sam start to build himself a reputation by becoming a benevolent presence to the people of Chinatown. By working with Matt, he gains the confidence to operate on his own-- which is helped by the fact that Sam is an independent person by both nature and necessity (much like Matt). I love the detail of the shrine in Chinatown where people leave requests for help from Blindspot (“Ghost Brother”). It’s a neat way of depicting Sam’s connection to his neighborhood and his own unique approach to hero work.

Sam: “Okay, let’s see what we got. Wealth, long life, luck... can’t do much about those...”

Daredevil vol. 5 #10 by Charles Soule, Ron Garney, and Matt Milla

    Over the course of the run, we see Sam grapple with many of the key questions of superheroing. Sam, like Matt and many other heroes, started down this path to thanks to his family-- in Sam’s case, to protect his mother and sister. And like all of these heroes, he is compelled to continue out of a sense of compassion. Sam’s struggle to decide whether it is worthwhile or smart to behave selflessly, to put his life on the line for strangers, is addressed with a sense of emotional honesty that makes Sam extra relatable. It’s easy to claim to be heroic, but it’s another thing entirely to put yourself out there and actually behave heroically, and to take on the responsibility of ensuring other people’s survival. 

Sam: “Why did I say that? ‘I’m not letting him kill anyone else.’ Who do I think I am? I just want to impress Daredevil. It sounded like something he would say. Do I really mean it? How far will I actually take this? This guy’s a judge. If he found out I was a vigilante, he’d probably deport me. Why should I die for him? Hell, why should I even fight for him?"

Daredevil vol. 5 #13 by Charles Soule, Ron Garney, and Matt Milla

Man: “How do you know that? Tenfingers said he would save us, and he lied.”

Sam: “Because... I... Because I am one of you. I live in this neighborhood. I know most of you. Your name is Mr. Chen, and you run the bodega on Mott Street. Because Chinatown is my home, and I’m going to keep it safe. Because I am Blindspot. And I am not lying to you. Just... just stay in here. I won’t let anything happen to you. I hope.”

Daredevil vol. 5 #5 by Charles Soule, Ron Garney, and Matt Milla

    Sam’s story is enhanced by the fact that his origin is so challenging. While he is enthusiastic about working with Daredevil and the idea of being a superhero, he quickly acquires a degree of cynicism thanks to the difficulty of his situation. He became a superhero to save his mother, who doesn’t want to be saved. He is filled with doubt about his own abilities. Every time he does something heroic, he suffers for it: he is blinded after trying to rescue Muse’s victims, his mother is killed when he decides to save Matt from the Beast, and his refusal to kill Muse causes the Hand to attack New York City. He is given reason after reason to give it all up, and for a while he seriously considers it. But in the end, he doesn’t. 

Sam: “It’s getting harder for me to tell the difference between something right and something wrong. When you work on this level, trying to be a super hero, life and death... there’s all these consequences. Things just happen. I’m trying to do things I know are right when I can. That’s all I can do. Muse is back. Maybe you saw those paintings he put up all over the city. I’m going to find him, and make sure he doesn’t hurt anyone else. I know that’s right. I know it. [...] You’re a good person. Don’t let this city take that away from you.”

Hannah: “Why are you talking like you’ll never see me again, Sam?”

Daredevil vol. 5 #599 by Charles Soule, Ron Garney, and Matt Milla

    Sam’s journey is informed by the three main antagonists he encounters over the course of this run. One is Muse, who I consider to be the first member of Blindspot’s rogues gallery rather than an addition to Daredevil’s (how cool is that?!), one is the Punisher (who he encounters in DD/Punisher: Seventh Circle), and one is Tenfingers-- and by extension, the Hand. All of these challenge Sam’s superhero aspirations and force him to decide what kind of hero he wants to be. I loved Muse and Sam’s dynamic, and found the Hand a bit less compelling. (I really like the Hand, and they can be used well, but they lacked depth in this run.) But they are significant in shaping Sam’s character development, and they also tie into arguably the biggest theme of his origin story: family. 

    Sam wants to take Tenfingers down to save Chinatown-- but more than that, to save his mother. When he is blinded and grows disillusioned with hero work, his mother calls on the Hand to heal him and train him. Sam’s blinding is another weak area of his story. I would have found it more compelling if he had remained blind (this is Daredevil, after all!) rather than being magically healed right away. While having the Beast restore his eyes causes big problems down the road, it still feels like a side-step away from what could have been a much more interesting twist in Sam’s story. I was at least expecting the eyes themselves to cause him problems, since they’re obviously not normal eyes, but they never did. That whole story arc felt underdeveloped, which was disappointing. However! What really matters is that Sam’s time with the Hand challenges him in character-defining ways. They train him and turn him cynical about traditional superhero morality. His mother pays for the Hand’s help by promising her soul to the Beast, and to save her, Sam settles on a morally grey solution: trading her soul for Matt’s.  

Lu Wei: “You are thinking foolish thoughts. I can see them in your eyes. The eyes Daredevil took from you. The eyes I sold my very soul to give you back.”

Sam: “You really want us to just go? To forget every evil thing we did here... and maybe, if we want something bad enough, do it again? Moving through life like sharks, preying on anyone useful? No, Mother. I reject that.”

Lu Wei: “You reject me? I have given you everything, Samuel! My life for you! Every choice I’ve ever made.”

Sam: “I know that, and I love you for it. I always will. It’s like you said... only one thing matters. Family.”

Daredevil vol. 5 #28 by Charles Soule, Ron Garney, and Matt Milla

    Once again, this plot point is weakened by the lack of emotion in this run. We know that Sam’s relationship with his mother is complicated. She is a good person who has become ruthless as a way of protecting herself and her family from all of the difficulties in their life. Sam clearly loves her. But we don’t see enough of this relationship (or, for that matter, Sam’s relationship with his sister Hannah) to make this story as powerful as it should be. Sam is forced to choose between trading Matt for his mother or trying to save both, and despite his new cynicism and all of the pressures in his life-- from both his mother and the Hand-- to become a killer, Sam makes a heroic-yet-futile choice and tries to save both of them. This results in his mother’s death which, in spite of the lack of development mentioned above, is still one of the most powerful moments in the whole run. 

Daredevil vol. 5 #28 by Charles Soule, Ron Garney, and Matt Milla

    This serves as a turning point for Sam that carries over into the rest of the run. Despite everything he has been through and all he has lost, he decides that he still wants to be a compassionate person.

Beast: “You have taken our gifts, Samuel... now, you must repay us. One death. A small thing. Think of how many lives Muse’s death with save. This is a small thing we ask.”

Sam: “No... no...”

Beast: “You want this. You know he will kill you if you do not kill him. You do not want to trade your life for his. Reject us, and we will come for you. You cannot use our power and not expect to pay.”

Sam: “No. I do reject you. I reject death.”

Daredevil vol. 5 #600 by Charles Soule, Ron Garney, and Matt Milla

    While Sam fades out of the story toward the end of the run (he didn’t get to meet Mike!) he plays a major part in battling the Hand when they attack New York. This restores his partnership with Matt, allows him to bring his animosity with both the Hand and Muse to a conclusion, and cements his image in the minds of the citizens of New York. Blindspot officially joins the ranks of Marvel’s superhero community, which-- for an undocumented immigrant who has grown  up feeling displaced and unwanted-- means a lot.

Karnik: “Hey! Beast! My name is Nalini Karnik. I am the Police Commissioner of New York. I serve and protect every last one of its citizens. That includes Sam Chung. He is one of us. You want him... come get him.”

Daredevil vol. 5 #605 by Charles Soule, Mike Henderson, and Matt Milla

    This is hopefully only the beginning of Sam’s story, and I look forward to seeing him again-- both in future Daredevil runs, and ideally also within the wider Marvel universe. 

[madartiste]

Deadly Fortune, Book 1, Chapters 1-5

So I started reading the only English translation I could find of the DMC4 “Deadly Fortune” novels to mine them for good character info.  I have no idea if anyone else will be interested, but I’ll post the notes I’m taking here.  Mostly this is just a retelling of the game, but there are scenes that aren’t shown and some interesting context/internal monologue things to be found.   I skipped the first chapter because it was just Dante and Trish being cryptic, and I didn’t notice anything interesting.  I’ll post more as I work my way through the novels.

The chapters are referred to as “stages.”  Stuff in bold are things I found particularly interesting.  Everything is under the cut because I’m a wordy fool and I didn’t want to drown anyone’s dashboard.

EDIT: Forgot the friggin link to where I found the translation: https://originaldmc.github.io/DivinityStatue/Downloads.html

Stage 02 (Pregame)

Kyrie visits Nero (he doesn't live with her).  She sometimes brings little gifts to the knights in the barracks.

Nero doesn't know if his arm is poisoned or possessed

Kyrie is one year older, treats Nero like a kid when something bad happens

Kyrie hasn't sung in front of a big crowd before (though she has sung in church)

Attendance at the Festival of the Blade isn't mandatory, so Nero finds an excuse not to go every year -- except this one since Kyrie asks him if he's going and she's performing

Nero's arm was injured one month prior to the game.  The demons were in the 'forests of the suburbs.'  (Later he says it's Mitis forest, though when he describes getting to the scene he doesn't actually go that far?)  Only three knights were sent because the ones that show up near the city are usually weak, but this time there were a lot of them.  Nero isn't considered a 'team player,' and he thinks that he is about as far from being a hero as you can get, so he isn't given tasks like that. 

Nero is given tasks that require him to work alone and thinks that even the order has secrets he wants to keep.  His job is to deal with humans who've been possessed by demons that the Order thinks can't be saved.  He is expected to kill them without a trace (OMG!).  Basically, the Order doesn't want the people to lose faith in them if a devout follower is possessed by a demon.  The people are told that Sparda will protect them, and if they knew the truth it would look bad for the Order. Nero says he isn't happy about killing people, but if no one else will do it, he will, since it's very difficult to save someone who's possessed.  So Nero is basically a hit man jeeeeeeeeeeeez.

Another reason Nero is shunned is that he likes using guns.  Being the 'Order of the Sword,' they place a huge emphasis on swords.  Nero doesn't care about that -- if it kills demons, why not use it? -- and since there are no gunsmiths, he built Blue Rose himself.  (He talks a lot about the gun a lot and why he chose a revolver too.  Kid knows his guns, though he says he's not a 'serious gun expert.')

The 'dean of the Orphanage' where Nero was raised is an old lady named Sister Xista.  (Nero comments that he knows she loves the orphans she works with.)

Kyrie was out in the forest with the orphans on an outing.  Ah!  She had come back from Mitis forest and was in the city when they got attacked by (30!) scarecrows.  Nero runs along the rooftops to get there (and is really casual about it like a normal person could just vault up there and run).

The three knights are Josh (who dies -- poor Josh), Sagan, and Tonio (who seems to be in charge?  He's also old fashioned, uncomfortable around Nero, and also 'obsessed with honor.').

Apparently Red Queen is so suped up that if Nero uses it too close to people he could accidentally burn them.

Nero likes that Kyrie is the type of person who would protect other people at the risk of herself but also kinda hates it since she could get hurt.

There's a very interesting passage where Nero thinks about how many of the knights want to become famous and are very into the legend of Sparda, but Nero feels they should be focusing more on the 'good heart of his struggle to protect humanity' part of the story.  He also feels they should be less mad at him for jumping into the fight and stealing their thunder and instead comfort Kyrie and the children who were nearly killed.

An Assault pops in through a 'magic array' right behind Kyrie as she's trying to tend to Josh's wound.  This is where the "Kyrie, run!" memory from when Nero blacks out in Agnus' lab comes in. Josh tries to defend her, but gets slashed up.  His blood actually spatters on Kyrie's face, who is too stunned to react.  Nero revvs Red Queen all the way up and jumps at the demon, can't block an attack which is how his arm gets hurt.  He burns out the Exceed system so he can't really protect himself.  Sagan and Tonio jump in to help while Josh gets Kyrie and the kids away.  The demon chases them and injures a kid named Kelly and kills Josh.  Nero finally takes it out with his gun.

One of the kids is named Gili.

The Order tries to hide the incident, but since a bunch of kids were involved, it's a bit hard.  Josh was an orphan (like Nero), and all of the other adults were forbidden from talking about it.  The whole thing seems to piss Nero of since Josh died and Kyrie was injured. He decides to try to get stronger, and apparently Sagan and Tonio have the same idea since they start training a lot.

Nero refers to a building called the 'Sword House' which used to be the Order's HQ until the 'new Faculty HQ' was built.  Credo's office is still in the Sword House, and Nero tries to avoid making too much noise on the creaky stairs.  Hahaha! Credo asks Nero "How are you so slow?"  Credo's got a new mission for Nero -- Nero refers to it as 'dirty work.'.

There's an 'Investigation Bureau' for the Order.

Credo wants the mission dealt with quietly since today is a festival day.  He DOES very seriously ask if Nero is okay to fight. Which Nero sarcastically replies "Will someone else do it if I say no?"  

Red Queen is out at the 'technical bureau' for repairs because it has a lot of special parts.  Credo gives Nero one of the Caliburn swords (the Durandal is the officers' sword type).  He also tells Nero not to use his gun because it'll make noise and draw attention.  Nero notices that Credo is out of sorts.  He's apparently pretty upset about Nero being injured, Josh being killed, and all of it being covered up.

There's some guy named Kars (or Karls?  The translation keeps changing his name) who Nero asked to buy that cute necklace for Kyrie.  Nero is nice and apologetic for keeping the guy waiting, which throws Kars off a bit.

The Devil Bringer hurts as well as glows when there's a demon around.

Nero beats up a bunch of Scarecrows and heads back to go listen to Kyrie sing.  That's literally the only reason he's going since he doesn't actually have to be there at the ceremony.

Okay, so Fortuna Castle is where Sparda supposedly lived when he was lord.  It's used as an Art Gallery these days, and citizens are free to come and go as they like.  The 'technical bureau' room (the underground lab) isn't known to most people, though, and their purpose is to build weapons to fight demons.

Agnus loves research, teaching, and Sanctus apparently.  He also talks to Yamato.  It doesn't talk back, but he's mainly complaining to it about not being able to fix the damn thing.  He found Yamato a year ago on the outskirts of Fortuna. Even though the sword is only mentioned a few times in ancient books, Angus recognized it right away.  In the translation Devil Arms are referred to as Magic Swords -- which might be how the Order thinks of them?  In any case, they lost track of Sparda's swords after he left 2000 years ago.  

Apparently you can repair Devil Arms.  Some repair themselves overtime, other kinds can be fixed if you have the right type of material.  Yamato is neither of those.  Agnus thinks if Yamato was made from a Devil, then this makes sense -- BUT if that was the case it should've lost all its power when it was broken.  Instead, Yamato still has lots of power.  He calls the sword 'unpleasant' after yelling at it.  Heh.

Gloria shows up with a guy named Greg.  Agnus hates Gloria and is apparently a misogynist.  As if we need another reason to dislike him.  He doesn't trust her and also thinks it's distasteful for women to flaunt their stuff as a 'weapon.'  Also Gloria clearly likes harassing him because he's such an uptight jerk.

The Order has never accepted 'foreigners' into its ranks before (hence some of Agnus' distrust).  There's a line about the church paying attention to 'the birthplace and family' of its members -- which is interesting.  I wonder if that's part of the reason some of the knights are weird about Nero?  Because no one knows who his family is…

Gloria told them she was a treasure hunter and that's how she found the Devil Sword Sparda.  Agnus thinks the sword is basically a holy relic since it was Sparda's actual sword.  She caused quite a stir when she showed up and asked to speak to Sanctus (the knight who met her thought she was his mistress!).

Gloria also brought along the Devil Arms that were used to power the smaller Hell Gates (lol, Trish just swiped all of Dante's stuff!).  The real Hell Gate can only be opened with a complete Yamato.

Stage 03 (Start of the game)

Nero bought his headphones from Kars.

Nero thinks the preaching is bullshit.  It was Kyrie and Credo and their parents that showed him love and warmth, not some 'sinless' god.  He thinks it's weird that their parents were so kind to him, and that it was probably because he has 'silver' hair like Sparda is said to have.  There's an interesting line: "I don't have parents, so in their hearts I might be someone who has a relationship with Sparda."

He feels they were good people, if blind and naive, and seems angry they were killed by demons.  It happened before he was a knight, and he doesn't know the circumstances.  There's a reference to them investigating the ruins in Mitis Forest when they were killed?  But that's why he doesn't believe in Sparda -- because why would god let good people like that die at the hands of demons? He also says that he could understand if it was someone like him (!) but not people who were devout, kind believers.

Very Vergil line from Nero: "So, I don't believe in God, I only believe in power."

He also decided to stick around to protect Kyrie, presumably because no god was going to do it.

The necklace Nero bought for Kyrie isn't very expensive.  He wanted to thank her for taking care of him and congratulate her on getting to be the soloist at the ceremony.

"The Buddhism of the Pope on the stage continues."  That line cracked me up.  I assume it just means that Sanctus kept going with his sermon.

Dante shoots Sanctus, everyone panics.  Nero doesn't worry about Kyrie dropping her gift since he can just buy her another one if she wants.

Nero's surprised by how fast Dante wrecks the knights since they're trained to fight demons.  He mentions that 'many demons have human forms.'  He didn't even stop to think before drop kicking Dante.  He just wanted to save Kyrie.

When they end up on top of the statue of Sparda, Nero realizes that Dante is way stronger than he is even though Nero is far stronger than a normal person.

There's some surprise from Nero when Dante doesn't care that Credo and Kyrie escape, and he wonders if the 'murderer' has some kind of conscience after all.  But he also doesn't care.  Dante is clearly amused by this whole thing.

Nero's got an 'auto-loader' for Blue Rose because he has to load two types of ammo.

Nero doesn't use his right arm at first because he doesn't know when reinforcements will show up and doesn't want to have to explain it to them.

Dante doesn't seem to know what to make of Nero's arm at first?  He asks if there is 'titanium inside.'  Which is weird.  Not sure if that's a translation thing or not.

Nero's right hand might actually be stronger than Dante.  When Dante goes to staff him and Nero catches Rebellion, Dante can't quite pull away (though there's no indication of how hard he was trying).

Dante says "You too?" when Nero goes to throw the statue's sword at him, and Nero is confused.  Dante also says "No, you don't have the smell of garbage," which I assume means he can tell that Nero isn't one of the artificial demons like the other knights.

Ooof.  Nero thinks that he's killed humans possessed by demons but he's never killed a living person before.  He can't really tell what Dante is, but he's gonna kill him.  There's a weird line about how 'some fierce part of my heart awakened' and that he 'must kill this man, just like he is my old enemy.'

Nero isn't thinking clearly when he nails Dante to the statue and is a bit freaked out by his own reaction.

Nero's reaction to Dante surviving being impaled: 'This is a very outrageous guy.'  Hah!

There's more made out of Dante saying that he and Nero are the same in the book.  Dante out says "I am not human, are you not the same?" and Nero replies "I am… human," but he hides his arm and is shaken up by the question.

Dante still yeets out through the ceiling, but he calls Nero "little devil" when he leaves.  It's kinda cute.

Nero's never met a demon that can understand human language.  Evidently it's mainly the powerful ones who can.  He worries that he might be a demon after all.  The reinforcements show up before he can go check out the dead Order knights to confirm that they're not human.  He wonders if he just imagined it, but knows that asking questions won't get him anything.

Switch to Dante POV.  Sparda told his boys stories when they were little, though it seems like he left when they were still too young to really grasp everything or to think it was weird that their father was a demon.  A lot of the stories of Sparda are considered just fairy tales and legends, so it's hard to piece together what he was really up to for those 2000 years before he met Eva.

The wording is strange, but Dante seems to realize that Vergil likely came to Fortuna to investigate legends of Sparda.  After thinking it over, he laughs off the thought that Nero could be Vergil's kid.

Trish is 'very concerned about punctuality' and Dante has to go to the castle to meet her.

Back to Nero:  He wants to go back to the dormitory and rest (what a mood), but Credo wants him to chase down Dante.  Nero actually thinks he's not sure he can do it.

There's someone named Claude who's Durandl Nero was using?  It just references "Claude's Durandl' being a very good sword.

Fortuna is surrounded by a solid wall, and there is only one exit by land. It's in the opposite direction of the Opera House and… the Fortuna duna? (Maybe the docks?)  The Order keeps an eye on the ships in the port, though, so Dante can't escape that way.

Awww, he thinks the necklace suits Kyrie.

Demons attack the courtyard outside of the Opera house.  Demons in Fortuna aren't rare, but having so many is.  Also Nero has never seen them in the center of the city before in his 'few years as a knight.'   Nero wonders if Dante is responsible.  The plan is to take the citizens to HQ to keep them safe.  (I get the feeling that the layout of the island is not so spread out as it is in the game.  Either that or headquarters is actually a mistranslation.)

Nero mentally gushes about how great Kyrie is, that she'd even protect someone who treated her poorly.  The boy is totally smitten.  More very Vergil type thoughts: 'compassion without power can't change anything.'  He decides he will be strong so that Kyrie's compassion isn't wasted. (Awww).

Nero deliberately breaks the archway to keep the demons from getting to the people.  He ends up having to take the long way to get to HQ because the road is blocked

Stage 04 (Sanctus' resurrection and Berial)

'The room on the uppermost corner of the Magic Swords Corps' is Sanctus' bedroom.  I'm assuming this is in the HQ building since this scene analogous to the one in the game where Sanctus is resurrected in the 'Ascension Chamber.'

Hahaha!  Sanctus refers to Dante as an "awful guy."  Okay, he apparently knew that Dante might come after him, but didn't expect him to drop into the middle of a big ceremony.  He's also annoyed that he was killed in front of all the believers.

Agnus and Credo clearly don't like each other.  Credo deliberately says some things to piss him off and Agnus absolutely takes the bait.

There's some strange wording, but my interpretation is:  Credo partly sent Nero after Dante to make the kid look good.  He knows that Nero isn't respected by the Order, but Credo thinks Nero is very strong.  There's a comment about the Ascension Ceremony -- which Credo is convinced Nero could survive despite the low success rate (it says only 10 people survived, but that doesn't seem right).  Evidently Credo wants to help Nero get in everyone's good graces to prepare him for the ceremony (Credo!  Wut r u doin'?!)

Also Credo doesn't think there's any point in reasoning with Agnus.  He really doesn't like him.  Sanctus has to be the adult.  He has some good skills in that, having to get all the different personalities in the Order to work with each other.

Agnus is a giant Sanctus fanboy.  He's also easily excitable, which both Sanctus and Credo comment on.

Back to Nero:  Lots o' demons in the city.  He's very confused.  Certain places are easier to open a Hell Gate than others.  The translation is confusing here, saying it's easy to open a 'cave' in the area around 'Fodu.'  I'm assuming that it means you can open portals to the Underworld easily on Fortuna?

Nero is pretty sure Rebellion is a powerful Devil Arm since he felt something in his Devil Bringer when he touched it.

Fortuna Castle was built up in the mountain because the people of Fortuna didn't want to destroy the environment.  They do a lot to try to preserve the state of the island as close to how it was when Sparda was there.  Nero thinks Sparda wouldn't care if they made their lives more convenient by modernizing things. (Pretty sure he's right.)

They refer to the big Hell Gate in the city as 'the monument.'  Nero is surprised to find one in the Ferrum Hills.

Nero can tell how strong a demon is by how much his Devil Bringer hurts.

Hahaha!  He thinks that Berial's sword is 'a little pitiful.'    There's actually a nice illustration of Nero facing down Berial.

Nero seems convinced that Dante is a demon when he hears Berial also speak in a human language.  There's a weird phrase: 'a lovely type of chat in the demonic race.'  I'm not sure what that means.

Nero doesn't like heat.  He's also annoyed (?) that Berial just ignored him because he's a human.  He also calls Berial old.  Also, oh snap, he quickly realizes that Berial is no threat to him, though at first he's a little worried.  Nero thinks Berial is weaksauce compared to fighting with Dante.  Berial also calls Nero "little devil."

Berial is surprised by Blue Rose.  He's never seen a gun before.  Nero's ticked that Berial has stronger fire than Red Queen.

Nero has been avoiding thinking about his arm too much, but fighting Berial makes him realize that his power is definitely like a demon's.  Berial demands to know if Nero is human or not, and Nero's response is basically "I'm a special case."  After Nero beats him up, Berial says he's sure that Nero is a devil, though Nero now denies it.

Berial gives him a weird look and says "Neither a demon nor a human being… that's it.  You are like him."  And then yeets into the Hell Gate because he knows he can't beat Nero without a refresh.

Nero apparently tries to destroy the Hell Gate but can't.  He decides to move on, and wonders if the 'him' Berial was talking about is the man in red -- Dante.

Stage 05 (Fortuna Castle and Bael)

Dante POV: He's running around the castle to find Trish.  She didn't tell him where to meet, only when.  He wonders if Sparda really lived in such a place because there are only normal human things lying around and not Devil Arms.

He pops by the library and grabs a book off the shelf (Nero in the game comments on Dante having been there), but can't read the language.  He feels like someone is watching him and calls them out.  It's Trish who didn't want to startle him because she looks different.  Dante feels the library suits Trish because 'she has a strong desire for knowledge.'  (Interesting.)  She doesn't actually show her Gloria disguise to him here.

Trish tells him where Yamato is.  Dante wants it back because it's a memento of both his father and brother.  There's a nice illustration of Dante and Trish.

They decide to deal with the Order before grabbing the sword since it's broken and they can't use it.  Dante decides to poke around the castle a bit more, though Trish correctly guesses he's looking for anything that might have belonged to his dad.

Back to Nero: It seems like Nero hasn't been up to Lamina Peak (It's also called the Holy Mountain) before.  He thinks the snow might be normal, but isn't sure.  Tourists are rare, but the Castle is a big draw.

So the complicated route to get to the castle might have been to make it hard for enemies to get there in the Middle Ages.  But he says the bridge is 2000 years old in the next sentence, so…  Not really the Middle Ages.

Nero is actually pleased the bridge gets broken because it gives him a shortcut he wouldn't have thought of otherwise.  Fights the Frosts, thinks they can't be the cause of the snow because they're not that kind of demon.

Nero is sure Gloria isn't from Fortuna, and he definitely notices the saucy clothing.  Fortuna ladies don't dress like that.  He mainly wants to know who she is.  He has no idea why his Devil Bringer is still hurting after the demons are defeated, and wonders if that means the woman is a demon.

He hides his Devil Bringer from her -- which is why he doesn't shake her hand.  She knows who he is, which means she's a knight, so he assumes that his arm is reacting to other demons nearby.

Gloria lists his nicknames: "'The bad bird to get along with', the arrogant atheist''

He's not surprised.

Ah, he turns away when she puts the knife away because he's being a bit polite and kinda doesn't want to get flashed.

Oh, he HAS been to the Castle, but he can't remember when.  It was at least 3 years ago, before he was a knight.  He doesn't like the place because of the 'damp air.'

He thinks maybe Dante came here to steal art (hah!). 

Nero can't completely read the book Dante was looking at either.  He knows enough to pick out that it's about demons, though, and he thinks that it might help him understand what Dante is after.

He's never seen the Bianco Angelos before, and figures it has to be a new weapon of the Order.  Nero seems to think the guy in the armor is just a jerk messing with him.

Nero isn't even slightly tempted by Bael's sexy ladies -- the translation uses the word 'goblins' for them.  Like Dante says in the game, Bael smells pretty bad.  Also Nero can barely understand what Bael is saying, his human is so garbled.  Bael also calls Nero "little devil" when he dies.

Link to the next part of the notes: https://madartiste.tumblr.com/post/186824600040/deadly-fortune-book-1-chapters-6-11

[cautionsignal]

With @ella-379 on Ian Gallagher~

Here’s some of our thoughts about Ian Gallagher and how he deals with his diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder.

^legit such a beautiful human, gOD

Ella-

I really, truly struggle with my opinion on Ian, and I think I’ve expressed this before. He’s mentally ill and it often goes untreated, even though he has the opportunity to get it somewhat under control. That’s not to say that there won't be outbursts, episodes, you name it. It happens. It’s life.

But the fact that he outright chose, on multiple occasions, to not take his medication, that's a bad sign. But like you said, and I agree, there is a really good kid in there. I just think that the way he grew up, he is scared to let that show because as soon as you're vulnerable, there's the chance that you'll get hurt.

I didn't really specify my point there: it's difficult to judge Ian because he's sometimes manic, and that gives him a slight pass for the things he does and says.

But, when he isn't manic, he doesn't really do much, right? I mean, he works, and actually, thinking back, I don't think there were many instances where Ian was with Mickey and he wasn't manic and feelings were mutual and things were healthy, right? I mean, I don't know if things were ever truly healthy, but yk, right?

So, maybe I’m unintentionally being an apologist for Ian’s bad behavior, but I really, truly think that he deserves some slack. Anyway, I got off track again. It’s difficult to judge Ian, because he has a lot going on, both in terms of mental health, his childhood, etc.

Like, the sparkly person inside of me, as you described it, really wants to love and adore Ian. Because I believe that he has a good heart and I don't like saying I hate people because they're people. They have feelings, family, thoughts, dreams, desires, everything that you and I have. But Ian just does all of this shit without thinking twice, but he's bipolar!!!! so where do you draw the line between bipolar and asshole?

Me-

It’s those OPPORTUNITIES that get me, though. The fact that in those periods of time when he can control his thoughts and actions without them being tampered by the disease, when he’s balanced or in between episodes, that he’s only thinking about himself, and how it impacts him, and how he feels.

He commits to a relationship, but he doesn’t give a damn about how his *sometimes involuntary* actions affect Mickey. He breaks up with him for a stupid, misguided reason, too, and he provides no support when Mickey is dealing with his own mental illnesses/issues/bad mental health.

He’s often placed in better circumstances than Mickey to deal w his mental illness when he’s manic or depressed—many, many ppl care deeply about him. It’s his utter lack of perception for the suffering of others that baffles me. Everyone in the world has their own demons, but ppl in the worst conditions and situations manage a way to support one another, but Ian just Can’t. Comprehend. That.

Ella-

he does everything without considering those around him, as you said. that in itself in a huge red flag when it comes to general character

The lack of empathy just. Hurts.

I have a feeling that his lack of empathy comes from Frank. Because when Fiona was trying to get custody, she described him leaving them for mother nature. He was never there for them; only took and never gave. Monica, I’m assuming, based on things we've seen from her, especially when she came back with Bob, she really just can't keep things straight. Always ends up in a mess and gets frazzled and doesn't know where to turn next. So, she likely did little with the kids because of her inability to make sense of things. Frank just flat out didn't give two shits about the kids, which I think contributed greatly to Ian’s lack of empathy.

Me-

He shows the tiniest bit of remorse after he stole the baby, and he says “I think this might be the end with Mickey,” so that tells me that he does fear losing Mickey. It also means that he understands that his actions were out of line, or at least Mickey’ll despise him for taking Yev.

But what he do immediately after he gets Mickey back? Huh?! He fucks up. Again. That terrible dugout fight scene, wherein he calls Mickey a p*ssy and a f*g, and belittles him for caring. He FORGETS. Just like that. He forgets because he never faces consequences for his damn actions. How can he just forget? Because he realizes that EVEN stealing Mickey’s kid won’t stop Mickey from coming back to him, and he takes him for granted. Again. He doesn’t LEARN. He doesn’t correct his mistakes. He doesn’t care enough to.

Idk-

It’s difficult.