#i love this show so much ive literally rewatched it like a thousand times

[xumoonhao]

i was tagged by @onedirecton to tag 10 ppl i want to get to know better and make a few questions :3 hehe, thank you sm alice :3

favourite colour: purple, hehe :3 alice i love that we have the same fav colour 💜💜💜 favourite food: ahhhh, i love most things!!! i do have a soft spot for soups and stews tho like they are so so wonderful……… mutuals pls gather round im giving you all a bowl of w/e soup or stew you like rn 🍲 song stuck in my head: babaero by randy santiago!!! its been stuck in my head since i first listened to it like it really is just so good, god… funky city pop music is really everything to me!!!!!!!! absolute best genre of music ever <<<333 i give it one thousand million hearts <- this was my last obsession bc i wrote all these answers down like. a week ago and forgot to post it so now the song stuck in my head is dagundong by alamat :3 its so good btw~! last long i listened to: hala by alamat!!! spotify did the only good thing its ever done by reintroducing me to alamat again like they are So Good oh my god...highly recommend their music!!! the way they work Filipino history into their videos and songs is soooooooo beautiful omg..... dream trip: hhhhhh i want to go to SO many places but my absolute DREAM is japan!!! id love to check out tokyo bc its so not like where i grew up - a bustling metropolis is what i want to live in like literally get me outta my small town this is not the place for meeeeee 😭 - but nara….the deer there……….god i need to go so BAD and i also just want to go to a cherry blossom festival once like pls…pls :( other than tho id LOVE to visit the great bear rainforest!!! like it just looks so so beautiful and its really not too far from me omg……. last tv show/movie: im currently watching the cherry magic anime (it is so good and so cute omg i forgot how much i enjoy the story….) and rewatching kyou kara maoh which is really and truly such a beloved anime To Me like its absolutely ridiculous god i love it sm!!! and i dont remember the last movie i watched?? i Think it was skinamarink but i could be wrong bc i watched that early last year and surely ive seen a movie since then…? but also maybe not bc i truly do only watch like 1 movie a year 😭 <- also update to this bc i watched sweet home a couple days ago!!! it was quite good and i really enjoyed the practical effects in it :3 older horror movies really have such a beloved place in my heart ahhh...also in writing this i remember i watched The Thing after skinamarink...i. only watched horror movies apparently spicy/sweet/savory: SPICY 🌶️🌶️🌶️ i do like all these things but if i had to choose id def go spicy over either of these!!! i do like spicy + sweet tho like omg one time i had spicy chocolate frozen yogurt and it was sooooooo good !!! idk what was used to make it spicy but i Adored it wahhhh~

also!!! in your lil tag game it said to make a few cool questions so i will make some <<<333

If you could be any animal, would you choose to be a domesticated animal or a wild one? Domesticated can extend to a wild animal that has been individually raised in a home, i.e., someone raising a raccoon a pet.

What is your favourite medium of creation? If you don't really engage in making things, pick whatever you're most interested in trying :3 And by medium I mean everything from drawing or making music or writing…anything creative!

What is/are your favourite(s) combination of colours?

Imagine your perfect summer day; what does it look like? Give as much description as you want :3

What is your favourite celestial object?

now, ill tag @grlfriends, @kwonhochi, @vampirebiter, @wonhosgrl, @librapropaganda, @honeydewtual, @heartual, @10281, @taengoo, @morgoth, @bixiaoshi, @ghostfeather, @ashmp3, @lovenee, @earlymay, @anglerfishare1inchto3feetlong, and @huiven!!! only if you want, ofc :3 and i know it said only 10 ppl but you see. i lost count while tagging ......... but thats fine <3

[kodaibara]

Im suffering from Our Flag Means Death brainrot rn so here is a little fanart i did. This was so fun to draw, cant wait for season 2

[merlinssaggyyfronts]

BBC Merlin Rewatch:

01x01: The Dragon’s Call

—

FIRSTLY THE FUCKING DESCRIPTION LMAO “Merlin, a young country boy” COUNTRY BOY AHAHDHSNDH IF ONLY YOU KNEW!!! ITS LIKE SETTING SOMEONE UP FOR DISASTER BUT THEN AGAIN THEY WERE SO LIKE I MEAN-

aw look at merlin all happy and smily, walking into camelot like he isnt going to witness the death of his best friend/king and basically everyone he loves

LOOK AT HIM HES SO HAPPY!!! HE DOESNT KNOW YET

“like everyone, he must live and learn” yo shut ur bitchass up lizard man u literally tried to murder everyone in camelot that one time

“his name: traumatised 😍😍”

AH YES THE OPENING!!1!1!-!-! AHHH THE AMOUNT OF HAPPINESS I FEEL HEARING THE OPENING

fuck ur bitchass uther no one likes u

“i pride myself as a fair and just king” sir didnt u like basically kill ur wife... and thousands of peo- OH MY GOD MORGANA BB ILY

oh jesus okay hes dead um chile-

“when i came to this land” wait i thought he was raised kn camelot brb i forgot im an idiot wait,,, does this mean before this it was the du bois family on the throne of camelot?? also, mired in chaos? u mean like.... before ur wife died and everyone was living peacefully? ....okay

“merlin, seeing a person who's been stated had been studying magic get beheaded: [a magical being himself] ah,, welcoming.” -my gf

“since the great dragon was captured” ....so did no one think about where they put a dragon?? a captured one at that. ud think he’d be more smart but nah he just left a random ass dragon under his castle like THAT is going to end well

YUHH MARY COLLJNS HATE HIM!!! YELL BABEY YELL!!! “you took my son!” YES MURDER HIM OMG I CAN FEEL HER PAIN

“a son for a son!” omg why couldnt u have killed uther bb ur the perfect villain i love u ur literally just a loving mother i-

OOOOO GAIUS

.....why is there a bunny mask in there

why is thERE A BUNNY MASK-

why didnt merlins eyes glow when he dragged the bed to gaius to save him

also whats this slomo magic why didnt he do this after this why did season one haveso much magic and like every other season was just everyone throwing it back

like i get instinctual magic but like.... if its instinctual wouldnt it happen more especially when his powers get stronger-

gaius: what did you just do?!

also gaius, five seconds later: i know what it was!! i just wanted to know where you learned it

merlin: 😐

merlin, about his magic: i was born like this

gaius, who knows full well warlocks exist: impossible!

(are warlocks naturally born knowing how to use magic without learning? i mean if u have to learn magic like a sorcerer then whats the difference between a warlock and a sorcerer cuz wouldnt sorcerers atleast have to have some magic in them to actually cast spells? am i dumb or do i just not get it)

wait so merlin arrived in camelot on a wednesday

merlin, walking into camelot: it is wednesday my dudes

merlin: [witnesses an execution] aaaAAAAAA-

“someone that might help him find a purpose of his gifts” oh honey he’ll get something mUCH LARGER THAN THAT-

—

oH MORGANA

SHUT UR BITCHASS UTHER SHE WILL KILL YOU-

“the more brutal you are, the more enemies you’ll create” oh the waY SHE PREDICTED THEIR FUTURE OO

ah bless u lady helen/mary collins we love them spicy villains

...why do you have a dressing table in a tent

[watches mary collins murder lady helen] i never snitch on dadd- ...someone pls delete me

merlin, about his instinctual magic: i just do it!

gaius: ...lord have mercy what did i just sign myself up to

what ever happened to sir olwen did he die from accidentally overdosing

—

oHHH THERE HE IS THERE HE IS THERES MY BOY!!! MY LIL PRAT MAN!!!!

merlin looks so offended, oh god i could watch this whole scene for HOURS

oooOOOO YES MERLIN FUCK HIM UP!!! SHOW HIM WHOS BOSS

“do i know you?” “im merlin” “so i dont know you” ugh theres already sexual tension

“i would never have a friend who could be such an ass” “or i one so stupid”

also them, ten years later: “i use my magic for you arthur, only you” “just hold me” “i cant lose him! hes my friend!” “thank you..”

“tell me merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees?” OOOOH THE BOYS ARE FLIRTING

NOT THE “would you like me to help you?” SIR YOU ARE FLIRTING SO INTENSELY AND DONT EVEN REALISE IT SIR DO YOU KNOW YOURE FALLING IN LOVE

im convinced atleast half the knights with arthur were like “ayo thas kinda sus bro 😳😳 ayo 😳😳”

arthur: tell me merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees? would you like me to help you?

merlin: ....i really dont know how to answer that

imagine being paid to throw fruits at colin morgan omg id be so thrilled

OOOH HERE COMES OUR QUEEN GWEN!!! MY LOVE MY EVERYTHING YES ILY

gwen: well, arthur looks like one of those, save the world kinda men... and you dont

merlin, 1500 years later, having failed his destiny: well i mean you’re not wrong

—

gaius: uther banned magic a long time ago

merlin, flabbergasted as if he wasnt raised on tales of the death of his kind every day in the kingdom right next to his: why?!?!?

gaius: the dragon is imprisoned where nobody can free him

merlin:

(that is the face of someone knowing full well hes going to free that dragon. look at him. he’s already made up his mind.)

—

[sees merlin and arthur in the marketplace] oh heres he is again heres the lil bitxh ooo theyre about to FIGHT

god hes flirting so hard without even realising it, oh my god

“i could take you apart with one blow” “i could take you apart with less” um sirs this is a mcdonalds drive thru 😃

arthur: ahah, you’re in trouble now~ 😏😏

i had to pause cuz wHAT THE HELL WHY DOES HE SOUND LIKE THAT-

—

....yall are yelling very loudly, um, arent there guards near yall? people passing by? please relax

“im just a nobody, and i always will be” OH IF ONLY YOU KNEWWW

“if i cant use magic, i might as well die” ....well, ive got a surprise for you-

“maybe theres someone with more magic than me?” like... a whole dragon? i mean if you say so 👀

merlin about why he was born like this: if you cant tell me, no one can!

a fucking dragon, basically every magical creature and the druids: WELL-

the camelot guards are so stupid how the hell is this kingdom still standing

how does kilgharrah know merlins name? in prophecy hes known as emrys (and we see basically every magical being call him emrys and not merlin,, i think). so how does he know? did he stretch his neck long enough that he could somehow hear merlin? is it cuz theyre kin? is it cuz merlin and gaius were yelling so loudly that kilgharrah could hear them all the way in his cave? ig we’ll never know 🖐

merlin: where are you?!

kilgharrah:

kilgharrah: without you, arthur will never succeed.

merlin: ....oh look, im already paranoid

the amount of sadness i feel hearing kilgharrah say “none of us can choose our destiny, merlin. and none of us can escape it” is INSANE cuz in season one you can SEE merlin trying to escape it. hes doing his damned best trying to have some control over his life. and then in later seasons you can see the light slowly drain from his eyes as he becomes just another toy for the gods to be entertained by. he realises he cant control a single thing about his life so he does the one thing he can: protect arthur. and he loses SO MUCH because of it! its not fair, he deserved so much, and when he finally got everything he could ever ask for, it was taken away from him by his own mistakes.

arthur, seeing morgana in a beautiful dress: god have mercy 😍

uther: .....um

the way they set arthur and morgana up as if they arent gonna make them siblings i- what the fawk 😄

person A, who knows arthurian lore: oh no! arthur is going to have an affair with morgan(a) and have mordred! oh no!!

person B, whos seen merlin: oh no in this show its worse

person B, knowing full well theyre siblings: much worse....

gwen: who’d wanna marry arthur? 🙄

-

gwen, getting crowned queen of camelot: well fuck

hhhnghnh yes queen sing them to sleep yes murder his bitchass (and fail but like its the thought that counts)

on a sidenote tho this is such a fun way to murder someone, id try this

the absolutely OFFENDED “FATHER!” and the horrified look in arthurs eyss when uther announced merlin would be his manservant is PRICELESS OMG

oh the way uther unintentionally plants the first seed of his sons love story omg 😍😍

Conclusion: this episode is a 10/10 greatest episode with so many iconic scenes omg. mary collins u will forever have my heart for unintentionally kickstarting merlin and arthurs relationship destiny. i loved the whole thing and oh GOD does it already hurt knowing full well how the show ends

[totallypathet]

Episode Five

So I've been pretty disappointed with Drag Race this year (the pointlessness of episode 1, not having anyone go home until episode 4, the insistence to have a ~gag~ all the time, etc), but I love a ball challenge, and I wanna talk about it, so here we are 😂

I'm not even talking about that mini challenge, it was super dull and just weird. And ultimately didn't even mean anything? Like the winner didn't even get more time to pick materials for the ball, or anything? Super weird.

I think bags is such a cool idea; there's so many different materials that can be used, different colours and ideas and styles, I love it. I also like that they kind of went outside the box with a "pun" look, like it literally gives everyone the space to do whatever they want, and be funny. I loved seeing everyone's different interpretations and sense of humour as well. The Miss Moneybags look, they do everytime, I'm okay with that, I love seeing a sleek chic eleganza. I just wish they hadn't done this weird thing with the Coach bags??? Let's just be honest, Coach bags are ugly. And super boring. I do not understand them being forced to carry an ugly clutch, so I will be excluding all of those bags from my outfit critiques.

1. Denali

I loooved Denali's high fashion crash test dummy! I think "airbag" was a little bit of a reach, but I'll forgive it, she looked utterly incredible. That beige colour of the suit was so ugly, but I feel like it was meant to be? There's something so fashion to me about taking something that ugly and making it cool and sleek. And paired with the black & bright yellow? Chefs kiss.

Her second look was very Cruella DeVille, loved it. I loved the fascinator, I loved the long fingernail with the cigarette holder, and I loved that it was trousers with a big cape instead of a dress. It made it feel so modern, and so elegant. I was living.

I was kind of confused by her bag look. I love that she made this structure over her head out of bags (I assume handles?) That was super cool. I loved her face, using gems to make a Dia De Las Muertas sugar skull was a really cool idea. The dress just seemed a little...boring? Maybe I'm being unfair, they had a day and it had to be made out of bags, what am I expecting? I don't know. I kind of wish maybe there were more gems on the dress because she's used them on her face? I think my misgivings is that there just seemed to be a disconnect between the trellis & her face and the dress. From the neck up it was so cool and fashion forward, and then there was just a cute little dress? Not sure. I mean look, I'm super impressed that she made it, she did a good job in the time they were given, she did the assignment. Tick.

2. Elliott with Two Ts

You know what, I actually really enjoyed gift bag. Was it an incredible look that I gagged over and I'm going to be thinking about for days? No. Was it really cute and did it fit the challenge? Yes. Fair play to her, I respect it.

The moneybags look though? Seen it a thousand times. Seen it done infinitely better than that. Cool, you threw on an 80s power suit, and? I also feel like she walked in wearing that jacket. Come on Elliott, step it up.

I was thinking she was going to be in the bottom...then she came out in that third look. You're telling me that was a beanbag?! And she made a three piece outfit out of it?? In a day??? And it looked like that???? Shook. That jacket was so stunning, the attitude was perfect. Co-ords are very in fashion at the moment, we love a three piece in the same print. I'm so impressed by this third look. But it does make me question the first two - why is it that a look you made in one day out of a beanbag is leagues ahead of two looks you had time to plan and execute perfectly?

3. Gottmik

Body bag was everything. I loved it. My one thing is that I wish she'd kept that clear bag-jacket on just a little bit longer, maybe taken it off when she hit the end of the runway. It was a really cool part of the look and it didn't get it's full moment. Otherwise, it was perfect. Head empty, just love for Gottmik.

Okay, we can pack it up now - noone is ever going to top this look. This moneybags look is genuinely (I think) the best look that has ever been down the runway in 13 seasons of Drag Race, 6 seasons of All Stars, 2 seasons of Drag Race UK, and 1 season of Drag Race Canada. I literally applauded in my living room. The suit and the fringe, but that cut out for the bra, and the crystal pinstripe, and the e-girl hair, and the wide leg pant... everything about it was perfect. I could rewatch that runway for hours.

I was actually underwhelmed by her third look. I feel like, if it hadn't been a sewing challenge, if this had just been a fashion runway, or a rave runway, I would have absolutely loved it. I just feel like it was a bit low effort for a sewing challenge. It is very fashion, it's very chic, it's very modern, but it looked like she just cut triangles from those silver bags and stuck them down her leg. Knowing she went to fashion school, I just was expecting something more from a construction point of view. Its a shame, because her first two looks were absolute tens, and then this just didn't match up for me. I also wonder, would she have gotten away with this if she wasn't skinny? I don't buy that the judges would have gagged over it if it was on someone else's body.

I'm glad that she won, I think that second look alone deserved the win, but I just was disappointed by the third look. When you saw that and Utica's look side by side, it just showed up how much more Gottmik could have done, and I just think she cut herself a bit short. But it was still a great look, and she deserved the win!

4. Joey Jay

IV bag was...a choice. It was cool, in that nobody else did it, it was outside the box, and I appreciate that. It just didn't feel very well thought out. She had that deflated party city nurse hat on, and I was like are you the nurse or the patient? And she was talking about syringe armour, but there was like 6 syringes haphazardly hot glued on, and then the ivy leaves? I was just confused. When Carson made the IV/ivy connection, I got it, and then Joey was like "no, just the IV bag"? So why the ivy leaves? I was confused. Didn't enjoy it.

I didn't love her second look either. It was...a jacket and leggings. It was a nice jacket, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I could buy that look. In fact, I feel like I could make that look out of pieces I already own. Underwhelming.

That third look though. If Lala Ri's look hadn't been out there, this would have been the worst look of the night. It was so boring. You know what else? It looked like umbrellas. If this had been an umbrella challenge, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. But this was just. Awful.

She deserved to go this week. All three of her looks were underwhelming, her lipsync was just okay, it was her time.

5. Kandy Muse

Bag of tricks was cool, I love that she did actually bring some magic tricks to the runway, and I love that the bag became a cape! I just wish she'd leaned more into a magician look, as opposed to the rabbit. It just didn't feel like she went quite far enough.

I loved her interpretation of money bags! One of my favourite looks of the night. It was so different to what everyone else did, it was so modern, and so clever. The wig, made out of money? Amazing. The notes on the ends of her suspenders? Inspired. The dollar signs on the sunglasses? I loved it. This for me is the best thing Kandy has worn so far, I loved it. I think, without this look, she would have been in the bottom three. If the other two looks had been on par with this one? She would have won.

Kandy. Baby. What was that third look. I give her credit for the top, and the bra being two toned. It looked like there was some good construction there. But the skirt? Honey that was backpacks hot glued to a belt, and I'm not buying it. I was tossing up her and Tamisha for bottom three, because that look was honestly just bad.

I do love that Kandy is confident - although I agree with Tamisha and sometimes she crosses into arrogance - but also you've got to recognise when something is not good, and this wasn't good. When you just think that everything you've done is great because you did it, you're stepping into delusion.

6. Lala Ri

Bag of bones...yeah okay. I did really enjoy the mermaid silhouette being made of the sack at the bottom, that was a cool idea. I just wish she'd made more of the bones? Like I wish she'd made a sort of exo skeleton thing, like had a spine on the back, made a ribcage out of finger bones, had a big shoulder pad made of shoulder bones (the big flat ones, I know they have a name, but I failed biology at school). It just felt a bit rushed. If that had been the one she made, I would have been super impressed with it, they only get a day; but they had time in advance to get these designed and made. It just could have been so much more.

I loved her money bags look! I think it was one of my favourites of the night. It was so beautiful, so well put together, I loved the pairing with the shoes, and she actually was one of the only ones to make that Coach bag look decent. And I love a bald queen. There's not a lot of queens who would be brave enough to go bald with a look like that, but it just added such power and beauty. Absolutely adored it.

If I had "made" what Lala Ri made... I don't think I would have been able to walk it down the runway. I give her credit for actually walking in something that heinous. I just don't understand what she was thinking! Like she knew that she didn't have enough of those bags, so why didn't she take it apart and start again? Why didn't she go and pick up some more materials and do something else? Everything about this was just a nightmare. I feel like I could have made that in 5 minutes. I feel like I could have made something better in an hour. I love Lala so much, but my god she deserved to be bottom 2 this week! She pulled it out in the lipsync, she is an amazing performer. I'm just disappointed in what she made, it literally looks like she got dragged through a bag hedge backwards. I expect to see better next week, Lala!

7. Olivia Lux

Punching bag was gorgeous, but its such a shame Symone had already done basically the same look like 2 episodes ago. It was beautiful, and she looked stunning (as always), I just felt sad for her that this had already been done this season. Also, having seen other photos of her in this look, where she had a black eye and a busted lip, I wish she'd done it more like that. Symone already gave us the model version, I wish Olivia had given us more of a gritty post-fight look - with like messed up hair, a black eye, maybe some rips in the clothes, just something to distance it from what Symone did.

I loved her second look. It was a power suit, but with a beautiful modern twist! I love the cape jacket and capris, it was so chic! And I love that the lining of the Cape matched the tie, that level of detail is what I love about Olivia. It was such a smart choice, and she was the only other queen to make those Coach bags look good 😂

Her third look, it was okay. I love Olivia, but it was a bra and panty. I give her credit for the sleeves, I loved them, but I just wish she'd done a little bit more with the bodice, and added something on the bottom maybe? She looked beautiful, she always looks beautiful, I was just hoping for something a little more.

8. Rosé

I loved bagpipes! Very cool look, very Rosé, she's already told us about her Scottish heritage, this is really on brand - perfect. No critiques; it was clean, well done, she looked beautiful, tick.

I think Rosé was unfortunate that she came out right after Gottmik. I dont know if her look, by itself, was actually that bad, but when you put it next to what Gottmik did, it just looked so boring. And also, 80s powersuit look, again. It was cute, it fit her nicely, but it wasn't fashion or eleganza. It was really disappointing for me.

I really enjoyed her third look, I loved the movement she created with those round bags on the bottom. Again, I feel like she did the assignment, she looked beautiful. I dont know that I would have put her in the top this week. I feel like every look just had something missing.

9. Symone

Funbags was cute! She played it up really well, presented it in a fun way. It was a beautiful dress as well, the feathers of the bottom was a lovely touch. Did she look beautiful? Absolutely. Was it the best look on the runway? No. I liked it, I didn't love it. We've seen better from Symone.

Her second look? This is the level I expected from Symone. The second she turned the corner, I loved it. So sleek, so fashion; it's exactly what I picture the CEO of a Gen Z fashion house to be wearing. I just loved it. This look, for me, saved Symone from the bottom three. It was so perfect.

Symone better have bought Lala Ri a huge drink after this. If not for Lala Ri's, hers would have been the worst construction on the runway. It was veery basic, and the only reason she got away with it is because she's skinny and beautiful. She was saved only by her second look, and Lala Ri. I love Symone, but she's better than this!

10. Tamisha Iman

I really liked the Old Bag! She knew she was gonna be one of the oldest there, she played into it! She did something very different to the others, she's hammed it up, she played a character, I really enjoyed it! The suit was incredible, I loved the big necklace, it was a big tick for me.

Her second look...I love Tamisha so much. She looked like an air stewardess. Did she look beautiful? Of course. Did she look rich and elegant and chic and fashion? No. She also has a thing with these long dark brown/black wigs that are really flat and just sort of hang down. I would have lived an updo with this look, I feel like it would have just elevated it a little bit.

I actually quite liked Tamisha's third look! It was busy, I get that. I loved the top of it though, the bustier and the shoulder, I loved! The skirt was maybe a little much, but she made a complete dress out of bags, it was fitted beautifully, she looked stunning, I really enjoyed it! Her makeup was a little off somehow, I can't quite pinpoint how, but it just wasn't quite right. I don't think she deserved to be bottom three to be honest, but maybe I'm biased because I love her so much.

I also didn't really understand the critiques she was given this week, like it felt like they just said she's not...drag enough? But she gave us so much range? Like there were 3 very distinct looks, she looked good in them, what's the problem? I get that the looks didn't really hit the challenge, and that's why she was in the bottom, but that critique is so confusing to me. Like what is "drag enough"? This show constantly praises queens for being "fishy" and looking hyper feminine, but when Tamisha is doing it it doesn't fly? I don't get it.

11. Tina Burner

I was a little disappointed with Brown Bag. I got the reference, I liked the dress, I loved the mermaid tail being made of bottles, that was super cool. I didn't get the presentation. She was walking like she was wasted, but her hair & makeup was perfect, the dress was still on straight; that didn't make sense to me. I feel like she should have been a little bit more "end of the night" looking, with messy hair and smudged makeup, maybe some mascara tear tracks, because who can get that drunk without crying? Not me, that's for damn sure. It was good, it wasn't great.

Okay, another 80s power suit moment. I liked it more than Elliott's or Rosé's; purely for the hat and the houndstooth. I love a good houndstooth print, it does always look expensive, I get what she was going for. What I found disappointing (and I can't believe I'm saying this) Eureka did it better in season 10. I just feel like I've seen this before, and I'm bored of it.

I was also bored by her third look. It was a red mini dress with suspenders. Like, I'm impressed that she made it in a day, but I just wish she'd gone for something more. I'm really not getting all that much from Tina at the moment, and I just keep hoping she'll pull something out, but so far I just haven't been getting what I want.

12. Utica Queen

Hear me out, I loved Doggy Bag. It was so cool! She looked like a dog without putting on a dog costume, there was just enough hints to give us dog, but it was still a really cool and chic look! Which is exactly what a poodle would wear if they were human! I loved it. My one thing about Utica is that she makes these faces that are so bizarre. I think it's her mouth, it takes it past being a runway presentation into being a weird parody, and I don't think she means to do that. She just needs to tone it down a tiny bit.

I loved her little nod to Chicago. I didn't exactly get "money bags" from it, but Utica is very lateral and outside the box, so it was nice to see her interpretation of eleganza. I liked a lot, but I didn't quite love it.

I was gagged on Utica's third look. She made a gown. Out of sleeping bags. And it looked stunning. The shape of it was gorgeous, the train was amazing, the hood into a collar was incredible. Just every part of this look was exactly what this challenge is about. She took plain old sleeping bags, and made them into a beautiful, elegant and fashionable gown. You know where I wish I'd seen this? At the Camp theme Met Gala. It would have been one of the best looks at that Met Gala, and it was one of the best looks on this runway. I think it was by far the best of the looks they had to make. In fact, I think it's one of the best ever looks that was made in the werk room.

I am so glad that I was wrong about Utica in the first week. I think she's amazing. She's campy, and she's funny, and she's weird, but she's also so beautiful, and she's had some incredible looks on the runway.

This week was such a mixed bag (get it?) of looks - I feel like only Mik and Utica had three really good looks, everyone else was really up and down. I think it was definitely the right two queens lipsyncing, but there was a few candidates who could have arguably been the third in the bottom three - Tamisha, Kandy, Tina, Elliott... I can see the argument for all of them. I also think I would have replaced Rosé in the top three with Denali, I just think her first two looks were better than Rosé's.

I dont really want to get into the Kandy vs Tamisha drama; I think Drag Race is a super high pressure environment, I think its inevitable that tensions will run high and queens will argue. The one thing I do want to say is that in untucked, when Tamisha was saying she didn't really like Kandy's attitude, she said (something like) "that's just my opinion, and who am I? Nobody." And honestly, I respect the hell out of that. Because like, of course we're all entitled to our opinions, but that doesn't mean anyone should listen to them. Like, this whole post is just my opinions on stuff, I don't expect anyone to agree with me, or take any of this as fact. I just loved that Tamisha recognised that her opinion, whilst a valid opinion, is not fact and doesn't need to be considered by anyone else. I don't think Kandy recognises that yet, especially given the way she spoke to Elliott. I think that comes with age and experience though. By the way, that's not me saying that Tamisha's right and Kandy is wrong, I'm just pointing out one specific behaviour that Tamisha showed that I don't think Kandy has yet.

Also, I've seen both Kandy and Tamisha getting ridiculous amounts of hate for this one argument, and that's so unacceptable. Sending hate and death threats to queens over their performance on a reality TV show is disgusting, and if you are a person who has done that, you need to take a good look at yourself in the mirror and ideally get some therapy.

[sydxo]

my latest obsession: chrollo lucilfer

listen so,,,, im not really crazy about loving characters and i dont really jump around with my faves, they're pretty consistent for the most part but lately i've been overly fond of a man named chrollo.

If you know me you would know of my love for hunter x hunter

so when i really got back into the series i began looking at chrollo a lot more. when i watched it during the summer of 2017 i loved chrollo but he was never someone i obsessed over. yea he was a hot, strong villain so of course i would like him. but rewatching it recently i started looking at him much more.

to begin with, from the surface you would look at chrollo as a cold psychopath (thats extremely good-looking) but theres not much to go off of. he doesnt really have much of a personality. hes not kind, nor is he mean.. hes kind of emotionless. he doesnt not harbor anger or resentment shown in the manga and anime.

only when ~~uvo dies~~ does he really begin to show us his vulnerabilities. many can argue that him showing sadness is a mask only to show the troupe members that he cares. but the thing is,,, he doesnt cry infront of any of them? so what would be the point?

he truly cares for the troupe with his heart. each one of the members he holds close to him although it may not seem like it, he really does mourn for the loss of his loved ones (a.k.a. the troupe members).

he was brought up in meteor city, meaning his past most likely is not a very pretty one. my theory being that he was probably abused as a child. he mostly likely ran away and lead a life of having to steal and kill to survive at a young age. the abuse affected him to where he was so traumatized that he completely left his past identity behind and became **CHROLLO LUCILFER**, most likely he created that name for himself.

he lost his identity so he searches for validity of himself within the troupe, using each member as a defining part of himself.

loosing a troupe member is like loosing a part of himself. that is why he mourns so deeply for the loss of ~~uvo, kortopi and shalnark~~ and vows to kill hisoka ~~for the second time~~ after he learns of ~~kortopi and shalnarks deaths~~

chrollo really is such a misunderstood character and im so so so upset that we dont get a look into his past. that literally physically pains me that i dont know more about this man! i would kill for just a little insight of him and how thinks, how he loves, his days off, what he likes to do for fun, his hobbies, things he enjoys, his favorite foods.... i really would just want to know more about him.

i cannot possibly put into words how fucking much i love this man, yes hes quite terrible, and yes hes killed thousands of people, and yes i love him to death even knowing this. hes such an interesting chracter although we dont know much about him and his inner workings. the mystery that surrounds chrollo is what attracts me the most. i have the freedom to make all these headcanons and obsess over him, everything is up to my imagination and im okay with that.

the little details we are provided about him i cherish, his little quirks and kinks i cherish.

when he looks like steve carell i still love him.

hes the sexiest man alive? theres absolutely no doubt about that. hisoka tried it, yea killuas pretty but is he as pretty as chrollo? nah fam...

chrollo deserves the best and i really with hes able to find himself and his own identity one day. just like everyone else, chrollo deserves happiness, in large sums... he might deserve it more than anyone else to be quite honest.

hes worked his way up from the very very bottom of the chain to the top. now hes the boss. if you have watched hxh and know about meteor city, its a city of nobodies, its a dump where people send all their crap and unwanted items too, even children. chrollo growing up there had to have an extremely hardtime and due to those circumstances he became a specialist. meaning hes extremely strong and has his own unique abilities. not to mention his power?? Bandit's Secret is badass?? like imagine stealing other people's nen and being able to perfect it like chrollo? i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i am so beyond proud of him for not being more fucked in the head considering his past.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE CHROLLO SO SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH SO MUCH! HES SO PERFECT AND STRONG AND POWERFUL AND TALENTED AND SEXY AND WOW IVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A FLAWLESS MAN!!

i love him to death and wish for his eternal happiness and i would do anything for him to have it what the actual fuck..

losing a troupe member is like losing a part of himself. that is why he mourns so deeply for the loss of ~~uvo, kortopi and shalnark~~ and vows to kill hisoka ~~for the second time~~ after he learns of ~~kortopi and shalnarks deaths~~.

chrollo really is such a misunderstood character and im so so so upset that we dont get a look into his past. that literally physically pains me that i dont know more about this man! i would kill for just a little insight of him and how thinks, how he loves, his days off, what he likes to do for fun, his hobbies, things he enjoys, his favorite foods.... i really would just want to know more about him.

i cannot possibly put into words how fucking much i love this man, yes hes quite terrible, and yes hes killed thousands of people, and yes i love him to death even knowing this. hes such an interesting chracter although we dont know much about him and his inner workings. the mystery that surrounds chrollo is what attracts me the most. i have the freedom to make all these headcanons and obsess over him, everything is up to my imagination and im okay with that.

the little details we are provided about him i cherish, his little quirks and kinks i cherish.

when he looks like steve carell i still love him.

hes the sexiest man alive? theres absolutely no doubt about that. hisoka tried it, yea killuas pretty but is he as pretty as chrollo? nah fam...

chrollo deserves the best and i really with hes able to find himself and his own identity one day. just like everyone else, chrollo deserves happiness, in large sums... he might deserve it more than anyone else to be quite honest.

hes worked his way up from the very very bottom of the chain to the top. now hes the boss. if you have watched hxh and know about meteor city, its a city of nobodies, its a dump where people send all their crap and unwanted items too, even children. chrollo growing up there had to have an extremely hardtime and due to those circumstances he became a specialist. meaning hes extremely strong and has his own unique abilities. not to mention his power?? Bandit's Secret is badass?? like imagine stealing other people's nen and being able to perfect it like chrollo? i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i am so beyond proud of him for not being more fucked in the head considering his past.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE CHROLLO SO SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH SO MUCH! HES SO PERFECT AND STRONG AND POWERFUL AND TALENTED AND SEXY AND WOW IVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A FLAWLESS MAN!!

i love him to death and wish for his eternal happiness and i would do anything for him to have it what the actual fuck..

—————

ok so there’s are so many reasons why i really really love chrollos character and just admire him honestly. so i’ll space them out:

1) his character design!!!

-kuroro obviously is... a very attractive looking character!! and usually i’m not ?? idk i don’t really like characters /like/ him with the slicked back hair and crazy ass abs and weird fur coats but it honestly just started growing on me??

-HES SO CLEAN CUT!!! this man owns suits, fur coats and versace sweaters. ... he constantly gets HATED ON and made fun of ppl bc think his hair is fuckin greasy?? GREASY?? AREYOU KIDDING ME?? ur gonna tell me a man who wears belts and fur coats doesn’t shower?? bjtch his hair is gelled and he is KILLING IT!!!!

-throughout the series his style changes a lot!! he looks so good?? mans is so very fashionable (i’ll send examples)

-his mobage cards!!! BITCH HE LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD IN HIS MOBAGE CARDS!!

(mobage cards are from a hxh game that you can collect, they come out with official art of the characters in different situations and daily life, so just like characters dressed normally i guess)

he has this one mobage card of him in a casual outfit and OH MY GOD BITCH HE LOOKS SOOO GOOD!!! he’s wearing a white tank top and has this blue button down over it that’s not buttoned up with these jeans and his hair looks so good!!!!! also can’t forget his cross necklace.. we love a religious faithful man!

-SPEAKING of hair chrollos hair is constantly changing?? just like killua with the outfits, chrollo is the only other character that normal changes his clothes while the rest of them stay the same?? he’s so clean and gorgeous it makes me cry!!! from when he’s first introduced his hair is gelled back, to when he meets neon his hair is down nd .. bitch oh my god chrollo has semi long hair and it makes me deadass sob it looks SO GOOD. and right now in the recent manga chapters he has this messy down bedhead style it’s so sexy!!!

ok that was just part 1 about his character design let me start with part 2/3 what attracts me

2)HIS MYSTERY!!

-so chrollo is kinda i guess from the surface he’s a boring dude. there’s nothing noteworthy about his character. he isn’t funny nor is he kind. he’s kinda like... an empty shell of where /something/ should be. and it seriously ..... just adds to his character. his personality might not “shine” and he’s only really popular because he’s a hot antagonist but there’s SO MUCH MORE!! that people don’t look into revolving him.

-he gives off sooo many hints and foreshadows his identity loss so many times while he’s given screentjme and its sad??

sad that this amazing man that has worked so hard and become so very strong still cannot i guess identify himself within a crowd. he’s just ~there~ giving orders for the troupe.

-he truly believes that no one cares for him or relies on him. that everyone would be absolutely 100% unaffected should he die. and that?? i literally wanna smack him.-

(continuing i wanted to give a little background on the phantom troupe given chrollo is the leader)

-PHANTOM TROUPE-

so the phantom troupe is a group of 12 people all given numbers

ok so head = chrollo and legs = the rest of the members because the phantom troupe are also known as the spiders.

they’re thieves with chrollo as the leader and they come from meteor city which is basically a dump where nobodies live a.k.a. they lived a harsh life growing up.

-

ok so continuing with chrollo thinks he’s replaceable to the troupe. couldn’t be more false and it makes me upset that he thanks that? the troupe really really cares about him a whole lot given he’s literally the leader and he created the phantom troupe!! basically the only place these “thieves” feel like they belong. they’re all family. they fight like brothers and sisters and care so much for one another.

ok that brings this section to a close. this is getting extremely long so let me write my very last part. jeez i could go on for ages.

3.HIS STRENGTH.

-chrollo fights very uniquely and i know it’s kind of a weird thing i guess to bring up his fighting style and powers when discussing why i like him as a character but i really cannot help it.

-out of all the characters in hunter x hunter, chrollos powers have to be my favorite coming from an unbiased standpoint. it’s not even because he’s my favorite character, do i love his power, it’s just so fucking unique and interesting.

-

•when you watch hxh you’ll learn about powers and such (they call them nen) and the different types you can have, manipulator, conjuror, transmuter, etc.

there’s one power class that stands out from all the rest. while the normal powerclasses have built in powers you know things that are already predetermined, there’s one class called “specialist” and this is the rarest class.

-you guessed it, chrollo is a specialist. being a specialist gives you crazy overpowered abilities for short amounts of time like super regeneration, speed, etc. things like that. chrollos power is called “Bandits Secret” him being a thief and all its so fkn badass. he can literally steal other people’s power from them and use it for himself!! his power is lowkey complicated and has a lot of conditions that need to be met before he can use it but let me just say, the fact that chrollo can steal powers that aren’t even his and use them even better than the original user is so amazing. he’s BEYOND talented when it comes to combat skills hence why hisoka got obliterated in there fight. not only that but he’s an extremely graceful and careful fighter. he’s crazy good at planning strategies against his opponent and extremely smart.

——

ok so that’s all for my chrollo rant... uhh this was longer than intended i’m so sorry but yes i love chrollo with my entire heart he truly is my favorite character of all time and nothing will change that. thank u for coming to my ted talk.

[fbdo1986]

i would looove to know what ot3 things r living in ur head rent free

i could do many things oh my gd this is So self indulgent but! (some of these are w pairings tho but like. the ot3 functions with all of their chemistry so!) also these are probably out of order excuse that

- cam tugging on ferris’s sleeve while he’s on the phone with rooney and is worried that he might recognize his voice (but basically that whole exchange while they’re in the kitchen, from them bickering to ferris making a hot drink as an apology)

- cam and sloane’s first interaction of the film, aka “hi cameron, are you comfortable?” “hi sloane, no.” i just. camsloane owns me i love them way too much idk why but to me this shows how comfortable they are with each other

- ferris LITERALLY calling cameron babe when calling him. seriously i cannot believe they were this bold these characters are literally in love IN CANON basically 

- cam continuously teasing ferris and sloane throughout the film. he knows exactly what he’s doing by fucking with them and pretending hes not having a good time and i’m LOVING IT (granted he was genuinely anxious during the day but it’s nice when he’s loosened up enough to mess with them)

- their moments when they’re up on the sears tower i believe? and ferris says “hey, everyone has to do it” or something and he gestures for cam to join them?? AHH 

- when ferris talks about marrying sloane while they’re all sitting above wall street, its def a ferrissloane moment but theres Something there idk

- the “it was the best day of my life” spiel. i’m literally deceased. cameron you angel who literally openly pines for his best friends. i love him THERES SO MUCH IN HIS VOICE AND BODY LANGUAGE i could seriously rewatch this scene and dissect his voice and body language and make a giant post about it

- of COURSE: everyone’s favorites!! i’ll expand on my favorites but. the parade scene and all TWELVE MILLION moments of why they’re in love in that whole thing. (cam and sloane HOLD HANDS they are actually in LOVE THEYRE PINING SO HARD OH MY GDDD), ferris being in love w cam basically in front of chicago at large i LOve it here. the jacuzzi scene. ive analyzed this to death and i’m never done. literally they are so equally terrified of cameron drowning it makes me nuts i cannot think about it too long or i will explode because AHH. i’m not okay and i never have been i love every second of that scene for 8 thousand reasons. *coughs the camsloane post jacuzzi scene*, also the scene where cam kills the car i cannot tell you how NUTS sloane especially being receptive to cameron letting out his anger makes me. these three have a wavelength i could only WISH to possess with someone else/two people. also just. all of cam freaking out and how insanely again, receptive and stressed out this makes fer and sloane. they are just so fucking in love in front of my GDDAMN eyes i just. yeah. bonus points for every time they call cameron cam, when sloane addresses cam directly (i could write an essay about her tone of voice when talking to cameron), and just! i’m sure i missed things, i’d love to make a personal post dedicated to each one (i might do that actually), i know i’m obnoxious and this is WAY too long but they are my favorite ship in existence i have unending love for these dorks. 

[nivks]

i feel like #followforevers and online love letters etc etc havnt really been a thing in 2018 but u know what. thats dumb. 2019 is better and were all gonna be emotional and loving towards the people that make us feel emotions speciffically - Love! so heres a #followforever emo loveletter ashdfg gahwahh OKAY EDIT: kjhsdf i finished writing this mess and its SO LONG i am SO OSRRY i cant even SPELL im so sorry whatever im gonna post it still cos maybe hopefully simething i have to say mihgt make someone smile. just skip to ur namee. happy 2019 kids! nick WILL become a dad!.

@harryfeatjack @rightgirl @happilygryles @rocketmommy @19-million-memories @drugsnotwar @ithadmefromhello @spyro2018 @acuzena @carswinky @shiftylinguini @bourgeoix @hiatusniall @julesg @itsallaboutzarry @ihavea1dbloghelp okay we might have been close but you dont post much anymore, we might be new mutuals or like?? might just have that special follow and love from afar type thing happening but you all do make my dash a happier place and i hope 2019 is incredible for u all and u are all amazing people who do brighten my day. thanks for making 2018 better!! love u. 

@chantillystars Miss Starsadrift, lover of my hart. ur so fucking BRIGHT andsweet and u always make me laugh and ur always there when im crying and u light up whatever place youre in and i know that for a fact cos when we went on holidays together you honest to god were like. the brightest and beautifulestestest in the whole street. youre also an excellent cook and the kitchen we were in was just shit. love ur snaps and msgs and how much you love gardens and flowersand sunshine. glad youve been working on feeling better about Life and its been helping cos u deserve it alllll <3<3 love u like u love yoongi. 2018 wouldve been terrible without u. @clipsandstuff your tags at times make me crack up and your love for nick is so warm and iv followed ur blog for years and youre always so consistently lovely and i hope 2019 treats u well <3 @ladsfm you barely ever have time to be on anymore but youre like. out there. living your life and i see u on instagram and ur so incredible and SMART and beaiutful and then whenever i text you a #nickupdate or more specifically a #harrynickupdate your all caps replies always make me smile so big also you are quite possibly the most lovely person iv met i lvoe you! @lordendsavior i made my url dikolasgrimshaw. for you. for me a bit too but you were that final little push. the voice of reason that said yeah! do it! thats how much i love you. akjsg anyway JOANNA you are somehow so lovely and kind but like Real at the same time and u have a way of saying your opinions that makes me wish i knew how to fucking get my thoughts out as put together? as you. idk everytime i see you like giving advice and stuff im always like YUORE SO good you really are just! so good for this world and the people you talk to. i hope everyone knows how lucky they are that gets to talk to you and stuff ily. @cashewdani your tags. iv been following your blog since like? 2013? and i have no idea what your look like and im only guessing where youre from and what youre name even is but pretty much every post you make has incredible tags and has inspired me to watch movies/tv shows that i use to skip over and you are alawys so fucking delightful to see on my dash and i feel like everytime i see you posting it brings a smile to my face. also youre writing is incredible and i feel like iv seen you posting about new jobs and new living places so i hope 2019 is super amzing for you cos you deserve it! @yourghostcat <3<3<3<3<3 gamZE you are! you ar so bright and loving and warm and sweet and gentle and FUNNY and i feel liek every single time we talk im alawys just like ‘i love you gmze’ but honselty i DO and i hope u know youre super important and im so glad i know you. every single on of youre edits are beautiful and all the work u put into them is so appreciated and ur so talented! i hope 2019 is so good to you <3 @sehunchis u barely go here anymore but im including you anyway whocares KELLY i love you. your love for vivi?? feel that. love for vivi and sehun togeth? fukcing Feel that. youre so funny and rly smart and thoughtful and u make ppl so happy by just being there and i miss being in new york with you but seeing ur tweets still makes me smile just as biggggggg lvoe you. @lollipop-popsx youre so damn funny whenever youre done with anons purposely trying to start shit but you are so so lovely to everyone else and u pretty mch always come across as genuinely happy and caring and i rly hope that you have a super amazing 2019 love uou. @fullstopmgnt again u dont go hre anymore but just in case! i LOVE you and im so GLAD ur doing better and feeling better and working on getting even better im proud of you my lovely. miss u i WILL see you soon i have gifts for youuu @meliora i was gonna say i got to hug you TWICE this year but dunkirk came out in two thousand and seventeen im a fool whatever i got to hug you ONCE this year and while thats not really a lot its still!! im so happy i got to meet u cos ur SO FUKCING lovely and beaituful and warm as a person and so chill and have such good taste in music and hair colours and i know theres been some tough times this year for you but you deserve the fucking world so i hope 2019s nothin but great stuff ILY @baaatgurl bby gir lover darling MARIE light of my life. u are! incredible and i feel like whenever we meet up im laughing and smiling constantly and even when were not together i can like. listen to audio messages u send me and even when im sad i know i got something to smile about cos ur right there! u mean a lot to me and im so so so happy we met on this dumbass website in like 2013 youre so so so important. shits been tough but 2019s gonna be The Year and 2020? were leaving australia together. @cptkirked finish the walking dead. ALJHFGLDS okay FOR REAL first of all thankyou for making me watch love actually WAIT did i tell you! when u and me watched it and my brother was like ‘that movies terrible’ HE TXT ME LIKE 2WEEKS AGO and was like ‘just rewatched love actually. i get you both now. was good movie.’ ghhhhhahh i think ur relaly great and u always make me laugh and from your tweets i feel like youve had an up and down year so i rly hope 2019s good for you in every single way cos u really deserve it. love u. @nightandstarlight milesssss we havnt talked too mcyh this year but knowin youre out there living youre life! just happy. thankyou for alays been sweet and kind and positive and making me smile. hope 2019 is beautulf for you. @plaintoast TAELOr i know 2018 has definyely had highs and lows for you but 2019 IWLL be great and u deserve honeslty SO MYCH happiness and i hope u get all of it. u are so soft and lovely i lvoe u truly. @gettingdizzy giggled when i saw your url just then dont know why. SAVANAH do u have any idea how incredble u are? ur so important and ur texts like 90% of the time make me laugh and the other 10% i wanna like fight someone on your behalf. ur smile is 100/10 and i can not wait till the day we get to MEEt. ur gonna fuckign graduate this year and finish school and 2019s really gonna be your year and i love u so mcuh. @twelvegrimmyplace LIZ! LIGHT OF MY life. u are one of hte most beautiful and funniest and ur so fucking Good and lovely and always make me smile. u also make me laugh a lot and i lvoe ur tags and ur love for nick and nick and m/esh and nick and Glasses is the reason why 2019 has to be a good year. thankyou for ebing you. love you. @erinsbreakfast cheesed real hard with my smile then as i typed your url. thankyou for always making me smile big time and making me LAUGH and thanks for loving nick the way u do. ur super sweet and super beautful and i hope 2019 is everything u dream it to be. ur incredible and i voel you. @silveredsound YOU are BEAUTUFUL and always alawys making me smile with your tags and posts and ur heavenly pictures of Harry Styles and Harry Styles’ Hair in HQ and ur thoughts about nick gshaw. thankyou for being you and i hope u know how amazing u are. i love you. happy 2019 darling. also thnakyou for the gift that was TOWEL FIC. ur a hero. and ur wrtiing is!!!!!! stuff of dreams ur so talented hoenslty @magog83 ur literally the hero that goes above and beyond for the whole nick fandom and we will never be able to thankyou enough. you are increbible and amazing and lovely and you deserve so mych happiness and good things. thaknyou for so mych youre BEAUTIFUL. @junkshop-disco every single cow i pass by in my day to day life i automtically name mabel. ur posts make me smile and ur so lovely and kind. you are so fucking talented. i hope 2019s super super lovely fro you. @kilimiria !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mariE!!!!!!!! do u KNOw how big i smile whenever i see i have msgs from you? okay i know it takes me forever to reply a lot of the time but like literally msgs from you can turn my whole day from shit to the happiest of days. thanks for existing and being you na dmaking me smile u are sososo lovely and funny and beaitufl and i hope 2019 gives you the entire world. i lveo you. @apopstarontheradio thakns for making me smile a lot this year and being funny! and kind and lovely and having a big heart. hope 2019 beings u nothin but happiness loverlyyyy @thegreenaubergine i love YOu you make me laugh and make me smile and ur so so sweet and so lvoely i really relaly hope 2019 is great for you!!!!!! @hinickgrimshaw everytime i see u posting amd ur tags i feel like. ur just really great and amzing. sounds lame typing it out auhfhahhhhh BASICALLY everytime i see you saying things and read ur tags on nick posts im just like ‘youre SO good i trust everythignu say.’ youre so so lovely and u make me smile and im pretty sure i have a screenshot of a post u made once cos it made me smile on a bad day. anwyay i hope 2019 is GREAT for u and i think ur fucking incredible and ur love for nick is so soft. @writsgrimmyblog i smiled at your url like you could see it or someting kjhasdk WRIT u are. so organised and smart and FUNNY and beautiful and LVOELY and i am soossoso lucky to know you. youre nick thoughts and posts are a joy to read and ur writing is incredible and u made grimmy appreciation fest happen whcoh was!!!!!!! i Love you. 2019 better be the best for you <3 @fapfapfashion ayhhhh!!!!!!! ZHENya. i thnk i first saw you when u started leaving anon msgs for joanna you ARE so so so soft and kind i love you so much. you ALWAS make me laugh and you have some of the best tags and i hope everyone that knows you in real life knows how lucky they are to know youuu LOVE you a lot. hope 2019s super freakin amzing. @blueskybuzz77 youre so sweet and lovely and i hope so much good happens fro you in 2018 also u make me laigh and u deserve the WOrld LOVE you @fantofirehazard ur lovely and super sweet nad ur tags make me laugh and  i hope 2019 is increible for you because you deserve it a lot <3 

@grimshaw @brckhmptn i would die for you.

[stupidtwinkmac]

you asked for my full psychology notes so here they are

i rewatched the entire series and wrote down all the things i thought were relevant to the characters’ psychology, theres probably some stuff missing so message me if you think i should add anything

S1e1- “The Gang Gets Racist”

Dennis wants paddys to stay a gay bar bc he likes getting validation from gay boys

“They’re really more of a blue-green”

S1e3- “Underage Drinking: A National Concern”

Dennis talks about how popular he was in high school and cries a bit when mac and charlie tell him that tim murphy slept with his prom date which is like pretty normal but it foreshadows the high school reunion episode

-

Dee goes out with a high schooler just for the validation and to live out shit she couldn't do in high school

“Wait but ive never statutory raped anyone before”

-

Mac and charlie give high schoolers a keg bc they said that mac and charlie were cool

-

Mac gets jealous that everyone got asked to a high school prom except for him

S1e7- “Charlie Gets Molested”

Mac gets jealous that he didn't get molested

“If the McPoyles got blown, and Charlie got blown, then why didn't I get blown?”

-

charlie got molested by his uncle

S2e4- “Mac Bangs Dennis’ Mom”

Dennis gets pissed that people's moms wont fuck him

“Is everyone getting laid but me?”

S2e7- “The Gang Exploits A Miracle”

Dennis starves himself for three days because Dee said his face looked fat

S3e1- “The Gang Finds A Dumpster Baby”

Dennis pretends to be a hippie just to fuck some guys girlfriend because he insulted his quaff and called him a narc

S3e2- “The Gang Gets Invincible”

Dee pretends to be a guy to try out for the eagles just to prove that she can

s3e5 - “The Aluminium Monster Vs. Fatty Magoo”

Dennis goes on a Whole Thing to prove that he’s a winner and that he hasn't peaked

“I haven't even begun to peak”,  “make it work dennis… make it work”

S3e6- “The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation”

Dee does the talent show every year to validate herself

S3e11- “Dennis Looks Like A Registered Sex Offender”

Dennis obsesses over his jawline and his weight when people tell him he looks like wendell

-

Mac’s dad gets out of jail and we can see how neglectful his parents are

S4e3- “America’s Next Top Paddy’s Billboard Model Contest”

Dennis desperately tries to prove that he’s still hot enough to be on the billboard

“I was sculpted to the proportions of Michelangelo's David”

“I realized that i don’t need validation anymore”- proves that he was just doing the billboard stuff bc of a bpd need for validation.

S4e4- “Mac’s Banging the Waitress”

Dennis gets unreasonably upset when he finds out that Charlie doesn't think he’s his best friend

-

Mac bangs the waitress to get back at Charlie for smashing his project badass tapes

S4e5- “Mac and Charlie Die Pt 1”

Dennis gets more upset that Mac and Charlie didn't include him in their suicide pact than he is about them being “dead”

S5e2- “The Gang Hits The Road”

Charlie doesn't want to go on the road trip because he’s never left philly before, he asks dennis to comfort him about his fears of bad things happening and people being assholes, he eventually freaks out and asks the hitchhiker to drop him back off at the bar

S5e10- “The D.E.N.N.I.S System”

Dennis believes that his manipulation actually makes girls fall in love with him

S6e2- “Dennis Gets Divorced”

Charlie gets real uncomfy when uncle jack tries to hug him

S6e5- “Mac and Charlie: White Trash”

Dennis tries desperately to prove that he’s high class

S6e6- “Mac’s Mom Burns Her House Down”

Charlie’s mom has OCD and Charlie also starts to pick it up

“Why are you doing everything in threes?” “Oh. So Charlie doesn't die.”

“...just playing it safe. She's been doing it. I'm still alive. Can't be crazy” “ It does feel good to do stuff in threes.”

S6e8- “The Gang Gets a New Member”

Dee gets incredibly insecure when she opens the time capsule and hasn't done what she wanted to do when she was a kid

-

Charlie gets super insecure when he thinks smitty is replacing him

S6e10- “Charlie Kelly: King of the Rats”

Charlie doesn't like leaving the bar and going out into the world

“Dee, I go to a movie or a spaghetti place with you, and out there, I'm the rat.”

Charlie has a panic attack in a sauna

“I'm trapped like a rat, aren't I?” “No, you're not, Charlie.” “ I'm a rat in here! I'm a rat! I'm trapped like a - I gotta get out of here.” “I'm tired of being in weird places, Frank, 'cause I'm trapped like a rat.” Just bash me like a rat! Bash me like a rat and get it over with!”

S6e11- “The Gang Gets Stranded in the Woods”

Charlie has to be knocked out with a sack over his head to be able to go to Atlantic City

“This is why i don’t leave philly alright cause when you leave philly, bad shit happens”

-

Mac starves himself for chase utley

-

“If animals have taught me anything it's that you can die at any time very quickly by the side of the road”

S6e12- “Dee Gives Birth”

Dennis yells at a nurse about Dee’s stories like he’s a god

“I will come down on this hospital like the hammer of Thor. The thunder of my vengeance will echo through these corridors like the gust of a thousand winds!”

-

Dee berates guys until they have sex with her

S7e1- “Frank’s Pretty Woman”

Mac gains a ton of weight and calls it packing on mass

“I went from tiny twink to the muscle bound freak you see before you”

-

Dennis admits to starving himself and literally constantly working out

“I may look relaxed but im incredibly tense at all times”

S7e2- “The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore”

Mac knocks carlie out with chloroform to get him to the jersey shore

S7e6- “The Storm of the Century”

Dennis writes a contract for the girls he plans to invite to his rape bunker

S7e7- “Chardee Macdennis: The Game of Games

Mac says that Dee tried to kill herself

S7e10- “How Mac Got Fat”

Charlie gets overwhelmed and goes in the crevice

-

Mac blames everyone else for making him fat

-

Dennis does dumb shit because he’s self conscious about getting old and looking bad

“I was just trying to live up to all of your expectations of me” “what expectations?” “physical perfection”

The entire chemical peel scene is a good representation of his mental disorders

S7e12- “The High School Reunion”

Dee tries to be friends with the popular people from school to validate herself

-

Mac got bullied and dealt drugs in high school

-

Charlie got bullied in school and huffed glue in the bathroom

“Everyone wants dirtgrub i'll give them dirtgrub okay i'll get high i'll get sad people can laugh at me i hate highschool man”

S7e13- “The High School Reunion Part 2: The Gang’s Revenge”

The entire golden god meltdown

“Its fetish shit i like to bind i like to be bound”

“You would just come around saying shit about being a golden god or some other insane crap and referring to all of us as your minions” “You always acted like you were better than everyone else but then you would just go and hang out with ronnie the rat or dirtgrub under the bleachers”

S8e5- “The Gang Gets Analyzed”

Dennis tries to analyze the therapist

-

Mac has some real severe mood swings

The therapist talks to him about body dysmorphia

-

Dennis giving mac “size pills”

Dennis keeps psychology profiles on everyone in the gang, he started dee’s in the 2nd grade

-

Dee’s entire “tell me i’m good” scene

S8e6- “Charlie’s Mom Has Cancer”

Dennis having trouble feeling throughout the entire episode until the “my mommy’s a skeleton” “i feel to much” scene

-

Charlie being incredibly overwhelmed the entire episode, (rubbing his head at Dr. Jinx’s, Getting real upset at church)

S8e7- “Frank’s Back in Business”

Dennis pretending to be brian lefevre

“I want you to get off with me” “This is about crawling into another man’s skin”

S8e8- “Charlie Rules the World”

The entire “I Am God” sensory deprivation tank scene

Dennis blowing himself could also be symbolic but it could also just be a bit

S9e3- “The Gang Tries Desperately to Win an Award”

Mac getting really defensive about slight banter “i've had tons of orgasms i've had one with your mom”

S9e5- “Mac Day”

Mac is not okay with being upstaged by country mac when he jumps off the bridge and offers people weed

“there's nothing badass about breaking the law”

S9e6- “The Gang Saves the Day”

Macs fantasy is about everyone admiring his badass karate skills and dennis crying over his dead body saying that he loves him

-

Dee’s fantasy is about killing every man in the room and finally being appreciated for her acting skills and marrying someone who doesn't call her a bird

-

Dennis’ fantasy is about surviving a bullet to the head at point blank range and killing his idea of the perfect woman

S9e7- “The Gang Gets Quarantined”

Charlie’s mom got him vaccinated way too often and made him wear bubble boy suits during flu season, Charlie also still has the suits for some reason

-

“I am in perfect control of my body, if i felt myself getting sick i would simply say SICKNESS BE GONE”

*sustains a perfect G5* “does that sound like a man who needs to be in the hospital”

S10e2- “The Gang Group Dates”

Dennis obsesses over his star rating on a dating app

“I AM A FIVE STAR MAN”

-

Dee has one night stands with a whole lot of guys that she’s not really into just to give them one star ratings

S10e3- “Psycho Pete Returns”

Dennis does a whole psychopath monologue about skin luggage

“You haven't thought of the smell you bitch”

He gets diagnosed with BPD and gets medication

S10e6- “The Gang Misses the Boat”

Dennis’ whole range rover speech

S10e8- “The Gang Goes On Family Fight”

Dennis breaks down crying because of the buzzer

-

Dee starves herself to look good for the camera

S10e10- “Ass Kickers United; Mac and Charlie Join a Cult”

Dennis tries to prove that he’s the best at manipulating people

S11e3- “The Gang Hits the Slopes”

Charlie brings up his agoraphobia shit again

“See, this is why I don't like leaving Philly, man. This is nuts.”

S11e4- “Dee Made a Smut Film”

Dennis got raped by a librarian in high school when he was 14

“I was in an older woman that’s cool right?”

S11e9- “The Gang Goes to Hell”

Dee manipulates guys into having sex with her

“So ill insinuate that it would be a shame if my account of what happened was different from his and he got a call from the sheriff”

S11e10- “The Gang Goes to Hell: Part Two”

Charlie has a panic attack about the boat sinking and dennis calms him down

“I knew I shouldn't have come on this cruise. I knew it! I mean, it used to be I would never even leave Philly! And then, you know, you guys drag me to this, you drag me to that, and next thing I know, I-I'm stuck in a box on a sinking ship!”

-

Dennis keeps onions in his pocket so that he can cry when he needs to

S12e3- “Old Lady House: A Situation Comedy”

Bonnie doing everything in threes so that charlie doesn't die

-

“I just can't enjoy it when the people being filmed, know they're being filmed”

S12e7- “PTSDee”

Charlie and dennis bonding over their trauma

-

Dee tries to ruin a guys life bc he said she was his rock bottom

S12e8- “The Gang Tends Bar”

“I have big feelings, and it hurts”

[amorningshadeofyellow-blog]

Suggestion O’Clock

As February ends and March begins, here’s a reflection of some things I’ve been listening to and watching. Everybody needs suggestions, take them as you need.

Music: I am a firm believer in Spotify’s Discover Weekly playlists which automatically update themselves based on your listening patterns and what not. The BEST place to go for some handpicked tunes. However, here are a few I’ve come to love the past month.

• The Neighbourhood’s Hard To Imagine EP: Unlike the last three works they’ve put out, Hard To Imagine is something all it’s own. Very far from I Love You and Wiped Out!, HTI is full of songs that definitely reach outside of the usual boundaries they’d set for themselves. Though I am not a fan of the EP in its entirety, there are a few songs that make it worthwhile. ‘Void’ being in the top spot with that one lyric, “Wonder how I got by this week, only touched you once.” Just feels so smooth. Following in no definite order are Scary Love, Nervous (which dropped 5 days ago), You Get Me So High, and Roll Call. Honorable mention to 24/7 and Sadderdaze- both catchy, but in a way that will get old really fast. If there’s such a thing as dishonorable mention, Dust takes that. I could have gone the whole album without that.

• Sufjan Stevens- Visions of Gideon: Top Spot for WEEKS in the category of “Songs That Will Ruin My Day”. This is one of the most gutwrenching songs for me. So pretty, so smooth, so full of feeling. Sufjan is an artist that has definitely made more waves since the Call Me By Your Name soundtrack’s Oscar nomination he got for “Mystery of Love.” I hate to say that the Academy was wrong, but picking that over Visions of Gideon was nothing but wrong. Seriously, listen to this and tell me you didn’t cry.

• Viola Beach- Call You Up: The song I want to montage videos of myself dancing on a beach at sunset with a bottle of wine to. Definitely that annoying indie sounding voice, but it works for this. Lyrics you’d find in the diary of young people in some summer love. “I’ll call you up in the middle of the night in hopes that you want to hear from me. I just wanna know if you’re feeling alright.” It’s just so CATCHY you just gotta sway your head and hips and close your eyes when you sing it. Has a beachy feel. One of those in the middle sort of songs. Not a breakup song, not a love song. Takes a seat on the harshly drawn middle line. Just give it a listen, I can’t stop playing it in my car because it’s impossible to not sing along to.

• Manchester Orchestra- Colly Strings. I don’t know what they are, but I know this song makes me perform power house vocals in the shower. Definitely something the singer wrote to be specific to himself, but still vague enough to feel like it relates. Simple, heavily lyric focused, not technically impressive at all. Just really plain, but I love it. Listen to this on drives home. “CONFESSEDLY, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IVE LOVED YOU AND GOD, I MEAN IT. GOD, I MEAN IT. I HOPE THAT I MEAN IT. CAUSE LIKE DIANE YOUNG, IDOLS GET THE BEST OF ME. WELL, DONT STOP CALLING- YOURE THE REASON I LOVE LOSING SLEEP.” a... slammer. A true indie king. Strange that I’ve never liked Manchester Orchestra’s other songs.

• The Last Shadow Puppets- Miracle Aligner: IN CASE YOU ARENT AWARE, Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys is the front man of this band. Basically, its Arctic Monkeys music under a different band name. TLSP had Sweet Dreams, Tennessee which I learned about a summer or so ago and loved. How I never found Miracle Aligner baffles me. It’s got that same AM vibe that most of Alex Turner’s work does. Feels a bit like a background song for a 60’s feel good family show. This one’s upbeat for his fashion, but I dig it. Alex Turner is the man I’ve always wanted to meet. I cannot believe he is real. I’ve been convinced he’s sincerely an enigma.

• From the Dining Table- Harry Styles: OKAY, I know it‘s overdue. I didn’t give much listen to Harry’s album because it mimics so many British rock classics so closely that I just.. I didn’t want to. And I’m the biggest one direction stan alive. Sometimes, I cringe at the lyrics. Aside from that, it’s a song I’d fall asleep to and that’s why I like it. It’s something I would sing to put someone to sleep. After a minute and a half we can stop the song because the third verse/bridge/ whatever is so close to resembling Over the Rainbow in my head. Just throw it on your playlist if you’ve not already. I’m sure almost everyone has.

• Jamie T- Magnolia Melancholia: I AM SO MANY THINGS AFTER THIS SONG. First off, Jamie T has been around for a few years, and I’ve always liked some of his stuff. Don’t You Find, and Zombie were two that I definitely was like, huh, this is new. He’s one of those British singers that really actually sounds British. Most of it’s a little more spoken than sung. Anyway, outside of this- magnolia melancholia is very different compared to his other music. Almost similar to Dont You Find, but it’s the only thing close. The song is sincerely just so impactful to me because of the lyrics, but I think it’s a good song overall to have. Like I said, different. “Nice to meet ya, boy, I know your mama knows. I fell in love with her seven thousand summer ago. I was a runner, boy,” just something I think he stripped from my diary and made his own. Definitely really excited to have seen his name come back on my screen and feel something so personal and nostalgic. Really think he’s an underrated artist.

Films: Of course, it’s March when I’m writing this, so the Oscars have come and gone. However, Oscar nominees or not- these are the films I’ve seen, loved, and suggest.

• The Shape of Water- Winner of Best Picture, The Shape of Water is obviously something you look at and say, “Hm, I should probably see that.” TSOW is insanely creative, but there should be nothing less expected from its director. Following a black woman, gay man, and a mute woman’s romance with an amphibian man- it’s definitely up there in terms of diversity. In short, the feel of the film and its tenderness paired with intrinsic visual detail is stimulating in a multitude of ways. You leave the theater feeling something.

• Black Panther- I would literally pay the first person who reads this and hasn’t seen Black Panther $20. I’m pretty sure it’s like... the top grossing movie ever at this point. If you don’t care for superhero movies, just go for the complete bad-assery. And Michael B Jordan. Who I don’t think is a great actor, but I do find him almost as gorgeous as Lupita.

• Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri: Another Oscar nominee. Frances McDormand who plays the lead took home best actress while supporting actor went to her co star Sam Rockwell. Really, in all honesty, the thing that I think about when I explain the film is the character arc they gave San Rockwell’s character. Watching this man grow and change throughout the film was impressive both in the acting and the writing.

• Hostiles- ROSAMUND PIKE BEING A BADASS COLONIAL WOMAN!! CHRISTIAN BALE HAVING A GOOD HEART!!! SWEET ENDINGS!!!

• Atonement- Look, I’m just asking you to go on Netflix and add this to your Watch List for an afternoon when you’re laying in bed and want to cry. James McAvoy and Natalie Portman, a heart wrenching love story during war time, but still far more than that.

• The Warriors- We Love A Good 70/80’s film, and this is what that was. Based around gangs and a journey back home, this is full of companionship, unity, wit, and lots and lots of leather vests. (prime)

• Wonderstruck- Ultimately a feel good film that is unlike any other. Complex story line, wonderful depiction, just creative and free. Feels so sweet to see something so pure.

• Captain Fantastic- okay, everything I’ve deemed “creative” is subpar when it comes to Captain Fantastic. Surrounding the theme of family, mental illness, and exclusion- the film depicts a family living off grid with their dad after losing their mother to depression, the following days are full of humorous and heartfelt feats as they attempt to attend their mothers funeral despite the grandfathers wishes. The complete disconnect between the modern world and the world this family lives in puts them at no sort of disadvantage, and the theme of unity and pride of where you come from shines through.

• Blade Runner 2049- Rewatched it. Felt so happy to have my eyes glued to a screen. Genuinely equivalent to being induced into a coma because you’re not leaving your seat. And if you haven’t seen the original Blade Runner- do yourself and Harrison Ford a favor.

• Honorable Mention to Lady Bird, CMBYN, Dunkirk, Phantom Thread, and The Florida Project all of which will be included in an “Oscars in Review” post I have queued for next week

As far as music and movies go, that is a slight look into some of the things February and March have brought thus far. For every time Lauren needs a suggestion, I feel as though it’s necessary to compile a list for whoever else may need it.

[choisgirls]

Tiggity tag thing

rules: answer 30 questions and then tag 20 other blogs

AHA I SAW THIS EARLIER AND TOTALLY FORGOT TO DO IT BECAUSE I'M TRASH BUT ITS LATE AND HERE IT IS ~Admin 404

i was tagged by my Soulmate(tm) @tex since idk if they want me to reveal their url or no ~

 1. Nicknames: 404, 4, and usually things like "Fuckface" and "bitch"

2. Gender: Imma girl~

3. Star sign: Gemini, I'm a two faced snake apparently. (Fun fact! I'm actually a cusp baby; gemini-cancer~)

4. Height: 5'10"-5'11" It seems to go between the two smh

5. Time: AHAHA 11:17pm

6. Birthday: June 20th!

7. Favourite bands: THATS SO MANY AHAHAHA UM All Time Low!!! Marina and the Diamonds, Pierce the Veil, Panic! at the Disco, 5SOS, Fall Out Boy, Volbeat, Bring Me the Horizan, Being as an Ocean, Metro Station, Echosmith, Hey Violet, and literally my long ass list of KPOP groups~ (trust me i have;;; so many more;;;)

8. Favourite solo artists: !! HALSEY IS MY GIRL! Uumm Luke Bryan, Lana Del Rey, Melanie Martinez, Rachel Platten, and more~

9. Song stuck in my head: Walls Could Talk- Halsey!

10. Last movie watched: GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOLUME 2!!!!

11. Last show watched: I rewatched the mid-season finale of Shadowhunters because i hate myself :^)

12. When did I create my blog: October of last year I believe~

13. What do I post: Shitposts, Mysme, and a /ton/ of inboxes here~

14. Last thing I googled: "Can someone see if you screenshot their instagram" because im a loSER and dont know that stuff 

15. Do you have other blogs: Yes! My personal one. Still debating on a Voltron writing one ^^

16. Do you get asks: are... are you really;;;; really asking me that;;;;

17. Why did you choose url: im the embodiment of the choi bois so 6 said lets do that but add an "s" because it was two of us

18. Following: 63 on here;;;;;

19. Followers: BOY WE GOT 

4,049 

AS OF RIGHT NOW AND I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I THINK WOULD BE FUN PLANNED AS A THANK YOU BECAUSE I LITERALLY LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU AND IM SORRY CONTENT HAS BEEN SLOW BUT IM STILL WRITING LITERALLY ALL THE TIME AND AGAIN I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND HOW MUCH I TRULY APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT AND LOVE AND I SWEAR TO GOD I CANNOT;;;; BELIEVE HOW YOU ALL GOT HERE??? WHERE DID YOU ALL COME FROM????

20. Favourite colours: Multitudes of blues (Mainly turquoise like ones)! BLACK! Maroon/dark reds! ^^

21. Average hours of sleep: Either I'm up for days or I sleep for 13 hours there isn't much of an in between

22. Lucky number: 4!!!

23. Instruments: I can't play any smh, but I wanna learn to sing, play piano, guitar, and the ocarina!!

24. What am I wearing: Batman tank top, paint covered basketball shorts!

25. How many blankets I sleep with: Usually just my comforter. Not even a sheet because smh i move too much for one of those

26. Dream job: I don't... really have one... that i can obtain... i know i'd like to be a professional singer but cant sing to save my life~ So!! I'll go for baker ^^

27. Dream trip: Traveling around the world to see thousands of historical landmarks!!!

28. Favourite food: Ice cream!!!! If I gotta pick an actual food i'll;;; i'll pick pizza ^^;

29. Nationality: American since i was born here but ive been raised /very/ english

30. Favourite song now: Don't do this to me??????????????????????????????????????????

Now I have to tag people but smh im terrible at this

SO @ WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS GO AHEAD AND TAG ME IN IT BECAUSE I’D LOVE TO GET TO KNOW YYOOUU~

[yaminerua]

I was rewatching Thriller earlier for like the bazillionth time and then I started remembering back to when 10 year old me went to my primary school’s halloween disco. I think I was attempting to replicate the way Michael looked in the video for The Way You Make Me Feel. Only I looked kind of terrible cos I was just using whatever I had and the shirt wasn't even the right kind of blue.. Lmfao you tried, past me. Anyways, I guess I was kind of known at school for being That One Kid who’s way into Michael Jackson. Like it was well established by that point and everyone in my year was well aware of and highly amused by it so I got made fun of a lot for it but I had tougher skin back then and could brush that shit off much easier. Didn't really make it easy for myself for being really fricking obvious about my obsession either. Ive never ever been subtle about anything I love. Anyways since it was a Halloween disco obviously the inevitable happened which is that Thriller got played and my classmates were all like lol hey Lauren do a dance. Man I knew I was kind of shit at dancing but like I said I was a tougher cookie then than I am now and I had confidence then that gradually got bullied out of me but the point is I had it once. So when the opportunity came to do a little dance I was like heck yeah. And I probably at the time didn't even realise everyone else was just laughing at me but they formed a circle around me on the school gym hall floor and let me do my embarrassingly bad attempts at dancing and at the end of the night the DJ guy called me up to the stage and gave me a box of maltesers chocolates for being a 'wee star'. I still have a photo somewhere if me posing with the chocolates at the end of the night. I had fun that night. Really had fun. And even tho everyone was probably laughing at me making a fool of myself, in the moment I felt cool, I went for it and got a box of chocolates as a result. The bullying became pretty relentless in the time afterwards so gradually I stopped being as confident. It kind of wavered. Sometimes I didn't care and just went for it (like when I entered the school talent contest trying to do an MJ song and nearly hit my teacher with my shoe when it came flying off my foot in an attempted kick of the leg dance move lmfao) and other times I got overwhelmingly self conscious and chickened out. I didn't go to the Halloween disco the next year because I had become too self conscious. My parents were at the disco tho with some other parents who'd volunteered to help with food and drinks and stuff. And my mum and the neighbour across the street both told me that when it came time to play thriller again the dj had remembered me from the previous year and was all 'where's that wee Michael Jackson girl?' My dad still brings it up sometimes pfff. I felt embarrassed at the same time as regretting not going. I wish I'd gone to more school dances/discos but I became super self conscious and missed out on a lot. I'm still fond of that memory tho because in the moment I had a lot of fun;;;; the picture of me that was taken back then also years later got submitted into a mosaic of the This Is It promotional image of Michaels silhouette built up of thousands of pictures of fans showing their love after... Well... You know. I think my picture in the mosaic was placed somewhere near his legs but I can't remember exactly. It meant a lot to me to be able to be a tiny part of a tribute to him. I went into more detail about it in a Twitter ramble a few nights ago but gosh he was really such an important pillar of strength for me during my younger years, especially through everything that was happening at home. Dancing, even if I was never good at it, and singing to his songs provided an escapism I sorely needed and honestly could probably benefit from going back to now. And regardless of what people believe or hear about him, I genuinely felt that his love and care for children was real and genuine and sincere and that he would never hurt a child. It felt like, even tho I didn't know him and would never know him personally, he was there for me and for all the kids going through awful stuff, be it in their homes or communities or anywhere. It made it feel like even though I couldn't talk about it to people, and had to endure all that shit in silence, that there was someone out there who would care if he knew. Maybe it sounds silly. I don't really care how it sounds. It was important to me when I was small and it gave me so much that I really needed that I couldn't get anywhere else. his death still hurts 9 years later. It's going to be 10 years next year and I am never going to be ready for that. It literally felt like the world just stopped and it still feels like yesterday when I settled down to sleep in this very room and my brother came up the stairs to break the news. I can still remember how hard I cried. I cried solidly for hours until i passed out. I'd always in some way hoped that maybe one day I'd be lucky enough to meet him. To say what I'm sure he probably heard a thousand times in a thousand different ways about how important he had been, how positive his impact had been for me as a child and ever since. That can never happen now but.. Ahh;;;; Someone recently had commented about how next year will make it 10 years since that awful day and I guess it just. Triggered something in me. I hadn't been very outspoken about how much I love the guy because people would always be shitty about it and I was afraid about what people would say because I got bullied relentlessly for it in both high school and primary school but honestly. Fuck that. I don't care anymore. He was important to me and he still is and I'm not going to shy away and pretend that isn't a fact. Genuinely tho...... I'm genuinely 95% certain that if I'd just had the same space now as I'd had to just go and dance til I dropped and sing til I cried as a kid to get out all that was happening inside I'd maybe be a little less fucked up. It was cathartic then. Therapeutic and honestly i want to get that back. Just. Lock myself in a room for hours and get completely lost in the music and then come out of it feeling... Better. Lighter. I don't doubt that maybe if I'd been able to do that when I was going through what I was going through in 2011/12 I might have come through that abuse a little less broken and suicidal but who knows. Maybe not. I'm where I am now and I'd like to think there's still a little hope that things can be alright. This house doesn't have the space nor the privacy tho to do any sort of dancing. Doesn't even have the right kind of floor to spin around on like the old house did before its renovation in like 2008. That and I'm also laughably out of practice and super unfit so I'd probably die like halfway through a song when I used to be able to go on for hours before I got tired. Aaah... One day maybe I'll get to see if that old magic can still help me like it did then. For now........I should probably sleep instead of getting weepy and nostalgic.

[spacewlkr]

3percent for the fandom thing?

the first character i ever fell in love with: JOANA my queen........

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: like character wise ? marco my dude ..... lit i always root for chars where this ends up happening ? finn collins gtjgjrtnh however! it was well written so as a /character/ i dont knock anything abt marco

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: i mean i was gonna say ferchele but then i realized i dont dislike them still? because what michele did and what happened to fernando is not based on like. smth disingenuous especially considering that at least for me it was easy to forget that like. u root for everyone to make the 3%! and lowkey forget that its a rly harmful establishment! tbf i need to rewatch its been since release that ive watched but ya im rambling so tldr i dont rly dislike any ship i used to care for?

my ultimate favorite character™: JOANA !!!!!!!!!

prettiest character: j o a n a ! also aline holy shit shes not jst gorgeous shes smth else smth more she is jst. god i luv the women on this show

my most hated character: /

my OTP: jofael omg

my NOTP: michele/rafael like full offense but u have this great diverse cast and i rly dont wanna see ppl flock to the one m/f ship w the two white mains when theres literally a thousand better options lmao

favorite episode: probably gateway because im a sucker for the moral descent/lockup situation kinda thing a la cube/circle/the killing room, which is probably why i also liked coins w the coin test specifially. i also liked corridor and water is phenominal even though i didnt ever get super invested in ezequiel

saddest death: julia

favorite season: i mean 1 theres only one but also lowkey its s2 already because the fact that its confirmed is already a 10/10 god tier

least favorite season: /

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: i mean as i said i dnt rly care for ezequiel? but i havent had time to check lately if the fandoms grown really but i dont even rly hate anyone - i dont even dislike ezequiel as much as i was just more invested in the others

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: i mean rafael but also he is my son and has done nothing wrong in his life ever ............listen i wud die 4 him 

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: FERNANDO listen i say this abt all four main contestants rly but i would die for each and every one of them fernando more than included he deserves the world 

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: none honestly

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: ferchele probably like im here for it! gimme it! but also both of them mostly just need to be okay and if we get to a good place again we get there and if we dont ill deal too (but sidenote the ferchele set u made at one point abt the ‘u cant make houses out of human beings’ i still cry abt it oops)

send me a fandom and i’ll tell you…