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#i make myself anxious and sick because i hate change and im scared ppl hate me when its not the case were just both going through shit but
siickhead · 6 years
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#vent#some days i think im okay and everythings fine and then others all i want to do is die in a ditch and hope nobody remembers me#i go from wanting to talk to everyone on this blog to just deleting every single blog or social media ive ever made and disappearing#contrary to these thoughts right now i feel alright im just mad at myself for thinking so toxicly#i make myself anxious and sick because i hate change and im scared ppl hate me when its not the case were just both going through shit but#it makes me want to ruin things before anything happens even though. nothing is going to happen. im just tricking myself into thinking that#something will#its so hard having to go against yourself because i know rationally everythinh is fine but sometimes the irrational#thoughts are so overwhelming i want to listen and give in and stop trying and let everything go#i want to get better and i know i do but. being sad and depressed is all i know. its comforting in a sick way and when i think of a time#when im no longer this sad. it scares me? like is being happy or content possible? do i deserve it? is it worth it? it may never come but#being this way is all ive known for so many years and i can always fall back to it but i hate it i dont want this i want to be better#theres a text post on here saying like ur whole personality is ur mental illnesses and......... big mood#this is like kinda pointless bc im not THAT bad rn i just have intrusive/controlling/negative thoughts and i made myself anxious#but i feel slightly better after rambling#i should also eat and like... maybe ill read idk well see#my thoughts while anxious and when im sad are so different i could talk for a million years when im anxious but when im sad? depressed?#i just want to die a billion horrible deaths#blueberry
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bpdkipland · 7 years
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literally do them all lmao For the strawberry: a lizard person, a little gray alien, an orb, and the Burger King himself For mr horse: ur opinion on the Charmin toilet paper bears
thank you so much anon fuc ily 
🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone? 
yikes startin out w a hard one then um when i was a kid i had such a stressful emotional time that it caused me to wet the bed until i was like 12 or 13? it was fuct up 
💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be? 
probs my crush or my friend jacob bc he gives gr8 hugs ♥♥
🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why? 
Lugia bc when i was little i had a card that was all holographic and it had lugia on it. i never really got super into pokemon lol 
🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like? 
oh god it would be a mess 
👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had? 
honestly the only one coming to mind is the one i had as a kid where this creature opened up its head and ate my sister and im still scared of going outside in the dark to this day bc of it 
☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend? 
i have multiple best friends but theyre mostly all there for me whenever i need them? like one time jacob drove from the other side of town to give me earbuds bc i had lost mine 
😘 talk about your crush or partner 
GOD my crush is a literal angel???? like????? hoy fuk i love her so much she’s so sweet and kind and caring and she just radiates light and love and i got to kiss her on new years ♥♥♥♥
💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back? 
depends on HOW rude they were. like,... i was nice to my ex for so long lol 
🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!) 
i like my nose, freckles, and the fact that im Nice
🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it? 
well its being abandoned by everyone i love and guess what thats starting to happen and im coping lmao
🎁 what never fails to make you happy? 
this video
💙 what annoys you about some people? 
if they chew with their fockin mouth open i die 
😤 do you get angry easily? 
nope i actually am pretty slow to anger lol 
🐇 what do you always daydream about? 
do intrusive thoughts of people coming on to me count 
🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change? 
well no offense but republicans would be illegal. sent off to an island not allowed to communicate with the rest of the world lol, strawberries would be in season year round, and weed would be legal bc i cant think of anything else 
🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry? 
kiss: orb ♥♥befriend: lizard person kill: k i l l t h e b o r g (burger king) marry: gray alien 
✈️ what is your dream city and why? 
ive not been to any good cities so i dont know 
☕️ talk about your ideal day 
hanging out with all my friends, they dont all hate each other, we all watch movies in a big cuddle puddle and im in the middle of it ♥♥
🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert? 
definitely an ambivert. 
💧 when was the last time you cried? 
fuck????? i dont remember???? my eyes welled up yesterday does that count 
🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment 
in no particular order: 1. Come On Eileen 2. Insomnia (by Dirty Heads) 3. Birdhouse in Your Soul4. Ana Ng5. Moving On (by James)
⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why? 
pyrokinesis so i can light all abusers on fire lol 
💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say? 
Listen, kid, there’s a reason you hate yourself and there’s a reason you wanna die all the time but lemme tell you, it ain’t worth it. those hospital stays aren’t worth it. you might not believe it but you’re over 250 days clean! didn’t think you’d make it this far, huh? you also made it to 18 years of age. you’re gonna be okay, kid. 
💚 who are you jealous of and why? 
myself when i’m in a nice mood bc like??? shut yo nice ass up 
💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why? 
bravery honestly. i have reasons but i dont have words for the reasons rn 
🙊 what are you ashamed of? 
um that secret i told the fuck
🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn? 
i know English and tiny bits of French and i’d love to become fluent in French and Italian? 
🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be? 
i wanna be best friends with mike wazowski 
☁️ talk about your dream universe. 
???????
💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today? 
it’s a bit late but did do some dishes for my mom cleaned off my desk so i could start painting again :> 
🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why? 
new c/r/yptid: Lance Cube.
🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike 
y’know when ur eyes just start crying when the rest of u is fine?? like wow i didnt know i was supposed to be emotional but ig???? 
😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately 
i’m anxious because my doctors office isnt giving my medical records to the michigan works people im working with so they cant open a case for me, making it so they cant help me find a job bc of my mental illnesses 
   🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?
 i wanted to be a veterinarian but now i wanna be a zookeeper 
🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods? 
i loooove peach rings and sour patch kids and !!!! strawberry shortcake 
🍑 what are you obsessed with? 
animal crossing tbh i love it so much 
💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed? 
i get auditory hallucinations and i just start crying no matter what stressed mood im in. angry stressed? crying. happy stressed? crying. anxious stressed? crying 
😪 what are you sick of? 
having kidney disease??? ?
🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker? 
i mean? sometimes? but yall gotta talk me into going on roller coasters 
💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have? 
red beet eggs are my LIFE if i could eat them daily i would die, peppers are fucking gross, and tea is fucking gross unless its Tea 
☔️ would you consider yourself a good person? 
i like to think i am a good person? 
😊 what do you like to do as hobbies? 
draw & sing!!!! 
🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself? 
You Ain’t No Saint by Aaron West and The Roaring Twenties 
🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?
I’m annoying. I plan on improving it by shutting my ass up 
 🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?
i draw people and eyes mainly. and the occasional hand 
🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams? 
i’m too shy and bisexual for this 
🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you? 
fuck i dont remember i just know i have the same one as Fox Mulder and thats why it fits me lmao
🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite! 
...u didnt give me 3 ppl.... 
👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why? 
mothman because he’s my boyfriend 
🐴 opinion on __? (Charmin Toilet Paper Bears) 
they wipe my ass for me 
🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person? 
i used to be. now im not so sure. 
📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them. 
yall i’ve only read 3 books 
😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?
i usually mope around and sleep a lot. it doesnt help usually. 
😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad? 
Death Anxiety 
🌍 which country do you live in? 
USA! 
🐧 describe yourself in 3 words 
needy, petty, and damaged 
🐵 which quotes changed you? 
“What’s your Fursona” - @thebpdevil“Your job is to break death’s heart” 
💭 do you keep a diary? 
I keep a bullet journal!! i think thats kinda similar 
💫 who inspires you? 
honestly my dad??? but also idk :/ 
👻 do you believe in ghosts and why? 
hell YES because i am one
🎀 what’s your fashion sense like? 
department store clearance section & band merch 
🎬 what are some of your favourite films? 
Heathers, Taken, Girl Interrupted, and if u watch the OA in one shot it counts as a movie i’m counting it 
🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory? 
Throwing mashed potatoes at my sister. 
🐱 what’s your dream pet like? 
Cat snake (ferret) who loves to cuddle and doesnt bite :-) 
🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be? 
probably???? um???? Patrick Stump or Pete Wentz honestly. 
HOO THIS WAS FUN AND IT TOOK OVER AN HOUR TO DO THANK YOU 
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