#i mean Levi cares about Erwin so much that he let him die

[piichuu]

♡ TREATING HIS WOUNDS

ft. levi ackerman, reiner braun, jean kirschtein, erwin smith, eren yeager

WARNINGS: mentions of blood and wounds, broken arms etc, fluff, gn!reader

LEVI ACKERMAN

“you shouldn’t worry about such small scratches. it’s not a big deal,” your boyfriend speaks as he’s sitting on a chair in the medical tent. initially, you had planned for doctors to take care of his wounds, but as there were much more severe injuries to take care of, you took things into your own hands and pushed him onto the nearest chair before you began searching for a medical kit you could borrow.

he has just come back from a mission together with the survey corps and as soon as you saw the small wounds on his arms and how he could barely walk properly, you grabbed his hand to pull him towards the medical tent. “these are not scratches, they’re wounds. you’ve obviously hurt your knee as well, stop trying to deny it,” you speak with tears in your eyes. he may be the strongest soldier of them all, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t constantly worrying for him.

you begin to clean the small wounds on his arms, making sure there is no chance they’ll get infected before bandaging them. meanwhile, levi is looking down at you, now with a softer gaze than the one he previously wore as you practically forced him to walk here when he himself didn’t think he needed any help. seeing the tears in your eyes however do cause him to frown slightly, not enjoying when you worry so much.

“hey, i’m okay. it could have been a lot worse-“ “don’t say that! i don’t want to think it could’ve been worse. if i got to decide, you wouldn’t even be on the survey corps anymore,” you mumble while pulling up the leg of his pants to check his knee, gently touching it which causes him to let out a pained groan. “i’ll ask a doctor to look at this when they have some free time, i don’t think you’ll be able to walk properly for a while…”

that’s enough. he can’t handle seeing that sad expression on your face when realizing that he has been injured, even if it isn’t as severe as so many others. “look at me,” he cups your face, forcing you to look at him. “i’m alive. i won’t die during a mission, that’s a promise. you can trust me, as long as i have you by my side, i will always fight to survive,” he speaks while looking into your eyes.

you nod and quickly wrap your arms around him even if it looks a little awkward with you now standing up again as he sits on the chair. he strokes your back gently and sighs. “i’m so happy you’re back again,” you mumble and he nods, continuing to stroke your back. “me too. i guess i’ll be stuck here for a while as well with this knee, so we’ll have to make the best of it.”

REINER BRAUN

you’re quiet while inspecting his face, touching the small bruises you can find. as he doesn’t react to your touches, relief spreads throughout your body, but as you notice that he’s bleeding through his shirt by the arm, your heart instantly sinks again. reiner notices where your gaze has headed as well and sighs, knowing he has once again caused you to worry. “i promise it doesn’t hurt too much, baby. don’t worry, please?” he strokes your hair gently, but only for a short while before you take hold of his hand and lead him into the bathroom.

“what happened, reiner?” you ask while helping him hop onto the counter as you rummage through the cupboards to find the med kit. “was out training and went a little too hard. i fell on a tree branch, i won’t be training outside next time,” he mumbles, watching as you finally pull out a few paper towels to try to get rid of most of the blood.

he doesn’t know what to say as you treat the wound on his arm. the disinfection you carefully put onto his wounds does sting, but it is bearable. you’re always so careful with him when he’s been injured, no matter how severe it is. something he hates is worrying you but it is still something he often succeeds to do. “i’m sorry, darling. i know you’ve told me to be careful when i’m training outside,” he mumbles while leaning his head back against the wall. a day full of training with friends does become exhausting after all.

“it’s okay, i just don’t like to see you hurt,” your voice can barely be heard as you speak, focusing on taking care of his arm that receives a bandage from you. but you still aren’t finished as you once again go quiet to check if his arm is broken. “it doesn’t hurt that much, and it’s not broken, don’t worry. we already checked that after i fell.”

you sigh and nod, putting the med kit back into the cupboard as reiner gets back on his feet and goes to wrap his arms around your waist. “you worry about me too much,” he whispers, placing a soft kiss to your cheek as you put your arms around his neck and bury your face into his shoulder blade. “i know, but after all those years of you fighting titans and humans, i never know what will happen when you’re out and about…”

“that was years ago, darling. the worst that can happen to me is something like this. i’m not risking my life like that anymore, okay? don’t worry about me, this wound will heal in a second. you’ll get a heart attack if you worry every time i leave the house,” you nod in agreement and close your eyes. reiner then opens his mouth to continue speaking. “i do worry about you too though, so i guess i can’t say much, but i want you to be happy, not to worry about me. i’m always gonna come back home to you.”

JEAN KIRSCHTEIN

“you need to be more careful, jean,” you mumble while cleaning the few wounds that are covering his face. it had been hit by tree branches as him and the rest of the survey corps were out on a less dangerous mission, but he had still succeeded to get hurt. he himself told you that he forgot to cover his face as they rode in the middle of the woods where most of the trees were.

he pouts slightly, getting scolded by you for probably the hundredth time during your relationship as he’s often out on dangerous missions and is risking his life. “i didn’t know it would be so crowded with trees. connie got hit too!” “neither you or connie are the smartest, so don’t use that as an excuse.”

jean sighs but wraps his arms around your waist. “don’t be mad at me, please,” his pout grows and you roll your eyes, but a small smile slowly appears over your face. “i’m not mad, i was just worried that it would be more severe. connie wasn’t really making it sound like it was something small, i thought you’d almost gotten eaten by a titan or something,” you explain which now causes your boyfriend to frown.

“he’s so dumb, i’m sorry that he made you worry so much,” he cups your face and looks at you with a soft smile playing at his lips while you’re putting bandages onto his cheeks and forehead. “it’s nice though, knowing that you worry so much about me. it makes me feel loved even if i don’t want you to feel so worried all the time.”

you wrap your arms around his neck and lean in to give him a quick kiss. he looks at you with sparkling eyes and pulls you closer to him. “thank you for always taking care of me, i love you so so much,” he whispers, kissing your cheek before burying his face into the crook of your neck. “i love you too, jean. let’s go cuddle now.” “sounds good to me.”

ERWIN SMITH

“don’t cry, darling,” erwin speaks as you’re currently changing the bandage on his shoulder, right where his arm was bitten off by one of the many titans. it’s only been a few days since then and he’s supposed to change bandage every few days as it may still bleed a little. seeing the large wound does however cause tears to fill your eyes, how can it not? he’s your boyfriend after all and knowing the pain he must’ve felt as he lost the arm hurts your heart.

erwin strokes your hair gently and tilts his head to the side. “hey, it’s okay. it doesn’t hurt as much anymore,” his voice is soft just like his eyes and you meet his gaze as you finally look away from his arm with tears running down your cheeks. “i’m sorry, it just makes me so sad to think about it. i wish you didn’t have to go through so much pain.”

“don’t apologize, darling. it’s gonna heal soon and we won’t have to change this bandage as much. it’s a shame i only have one arm though, but it will stop hurting, i promise,” he smiles sweetly while moving his hand to your cheek, just wanting you to look at him at the moment, not wanting you to focus on his shoulder for now. “i’m okay, don’t worry about me. i’m still alive, that’s what matters.”

you nod and wipe your tears away, giving him a slight smile before you go back to bandaging his large wound. meanwhile, erwin is trying his best not to let out groans of pain as he doesn’t want you to worry even more. instead, he keeps a smile on his face and kisses your cheek as you finally finish treating the wound. “thank you, my love.”

he puts his arm around your waist and presses a kiss to your forehead. “i have to do some paperwork now. if you want, you can keep me company, but i’ll try to finish in an hour so we can do whatever you want later,” the two of you smile at one another and you nod. “i’ll keep you company, i promise i won’t try to distract you.” “i doubt i can believe that, but i’ll be happy to have you there.”

EREN YEAGER

eren watches as you’re cleaning his wounds even if you’re aware of the fact that they will heal by themselves. he is a titan shifter after all, but does that matter to you? no. you still can’t trust the process and therefore continue to treat his wounds every single time he’s hurt, even if the wounds will heal in only a minute or two.

“your really don’t have to worry, baby. i’m gonna be completely fine, it doesn’t even hurt,” he speaks as his arm with all the wounds finally begin to heal and he allows you to look at the arm so you can see that it’s actually healed. “look, completely fine. there’s nothing to worry about.”

you nod and sigh before he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you close to him, as close as you can get. “but thank you for caring about me. i’m happy i’m the one who gets hurt all the time and not you. i don’t know what i would do with myself if you were injured,” he kisses your cheek and hums contently, happy to be close to you after many hours out on a mission.

“but i don’t like it when you’re hurt, even if you heal quick by yourself. even if it doesn’t hurt for long, i don’t want you to be in pain at all,” you pout, getting a chuckle out of him as he leans in to kiss the pout away. “i guess i won’t ever get you to stop worrying, but just remember that i will always come back home to you and allow you to treat my wounds, because that’s always better than me dying. i love you, baby, okay?”

“i love you too eren. just try not to get hurt so often, please?” you look at him with pleading eyes and he nods, smiling softly. “okay, i’ll try my best. i promise that i’ll try my best.”

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[heart-suguru]

Levi doesn’t mean to enter your home with so much force, but since he got back from the 57th expedition, he’s gone numb.

To sound, to touch, to emotion.

He tells you not to worry about him, even goes as far as denying that anything is wrong, but you know by the exaggerated crinkle in the middle of his forehead that he’s exhausted, beaten to his core.

You can tell with the way he stares mindlessly at the ceiling on the nights he does make it to bed. Or when he’s in the dining hall, seated next to Hange and Erwin, not paying attention at all to what’s being said about a new plan for Eren Jaeger. For most, they’d write this off as Levi being Levi. But you know what’s going on in his head.

It’s my fault!

I let them die!

All of them! Oluo, Gunther, Eld, Petra.

It’s all my fault…

It’s repeated over and over on a non-stop loop and it’s killing him.

“Levi?”

“Not tonight.” He murmurs sternly, refusing to make eye contact with you and already bolting to the door of his office.

“Hold on.” You say, hurriedly rising from your place on the couch and towards him.

“I can’t do this right now.” He warns, reaching for the handle of the door.

“I’m not asking you to do anything.” You console, lifting your hand to rest above his.

He grits his teeth, you can see the muscles in his jaw clench and unclench. His dark brows furrow into a sad curve, and he bites back his quivering lips.

“Let me take care of you.” You tell him rather than ask of him, he would surely deny if you did.

“I have work to do.” He manages to say, but there’s not one bit of truth to his words.

“Later.” You whisper, moving the hand on his to the back of his undercut. You rake your fingers through his hair, gently massaging and bring his head to your chest. He shifts his body towards you and allows himself to rest upon your standing figure. You breathe in sync with him, connecting breaths with his body.

He’s still hesitant to stay here with you like this, but every second that passes makes it harder to want to leave. The smell of your clothes, the warmth of your skin, the embrace of your arms snaking around him.

He can’t leave now.

He couldn’t leave ever.

[spilledsinnamontea]

Why do you think Levi only ever said Dedicate your heart to Hange?

What a surprise! Hello there anon!

Oh, I actually like this question very much >:D I’m sure there are many explanations out there by all the amazing people in the fandom regarding this topic. However, since you asked for my opinion, then I will gladly give my two cents regarding this topic.

Let's see if I can put my psychology degree to good use.

Disclaimer: since I'm a levihan slut, I'm sure you know what to expect from this. Also, English is not my first language, so please forgive me if you found any mistakes :D

First of all, we know that Levi had never said “Dedicate your heart” before (as suggested by Hange). 

If that’s the case, then why did he never say that before? Well, I think it’s because he wasn’t your typical by-the-book soldier. Unlike most people in the corps, Levi joined under a special circumstance. We know that he didn’t voluntarily enlist himself as a trainee so he could join the Survey Corps and heroically save humanity from all the titans. Instead, he joined the corps because Erwin personally scouted him. Because of that, he didn't have any particular or specific reason to join it in the first place (unlike let’s say Eren or even Hange), he even planned on quitting the corps at one point. His reason for staying in the corps—other than his belief in Erwin—was just as simple as: “I like the fresh air of the outside world.”

EDIT: Okay, I just want to make myself clear. I'm not saying that his motivation in joining the corps was so shallow or even implying that he does not care a bit for humanity. He cares obviously, if he didn't then we would not have Captain Levi in our SNK story. What I meant by my statement above was to highlight how simple he was as a soldier. Like, he didn't need a grand motivation to join in the first place, because he just knew that staying in the corps was the good thing to do. He risked his life everyday in battles just for a simple wish of breathing the fresh air. He wanted the people in the wall to be free from the stinky air, because for him freedom is in the mundane things in life. To quote my other post: "His simplicity is what makes him kind."

Also, I made a follow-up post regarding my interpretation of Levi's character here. You don't have to read it, but if you want to know how I see Levi as a character, I hope that post can help.

But anyway, since he was scouted under a special condition (as well as having enormous strength as a soldier), I think he somehow had a privilege in the corps to fuck around and be as “disrespectful” as he wanted to be. Not to mention Erwin became a commander around a year after Levi joined, so my man was probably living his best nepotism/VIP life. Therefore, I would think that Levi wasn’t as strict with the rules as other soldiers. He wasn’t the kind of soldier who kept preaching about "dedicate your life" to others. He just came to work, did his job, and went home (just like me fr). I’m not saying he doesn’t care about humanity (he cares obviously) it’s just he doesn’t express it in a traditional soldier way.

No wonder we all were so surprised when he did say THAT WORDS to Hange. It wasn't like him at all. Even Hange was caught off guard by him saying it, right?

But then, this raises another question, why is it when he finally said it, he only said it to Hange? Why, for instance, he didn’t say it to Erwin? I mean, both Erwin and Hange went on a suicide mission. Moreover, out of all the people that we know in the story, we can see that Levi shares many significant moments in the narrative with these two. If that’s the case, then why did he say different things to each of them?

For me, the answer is quite simple, it’s because Levi is an empathetic person. Both “Give up on your dreams and die for us” and “Dedicate your heart” that he said to Erwin and Hange respectively were something that he believed they needed to hear at THAT moment. It was his last words for them right before they died, his last comfort.

He told Erwin to give up on his dreams and die because at that moment, when their troops were cornered by the beast titan, Erwin showed his vulnerable side to Levi. Erwin admitted that he actually had a plan (albeit a suicidal one for him and the rest of the soldiers) to defeat the beast titan but he withheld it at first because: 1) he didn’t want to die because he wanted to see the basement; and 2) he didn’t want to send any more soldiers into their death because he was being haunted by the ghost of the past soldiers who had dedicated their heart to his plan.

Therefore, Levi, out of his compassion for Erwin, took the burden of making that painful choice from Erwin’s hand. He even made a promise to kill the beast titan, as if to say that all of their death wouldn’t be in vain. He said it to make Erwin feel better, which is why Erwin smiled after Levi said that. 

I think the same explanation can be said for Hange's situation. However, to understand why he only said “Dedicate your heart” to Hange, I think we need to talk about the nature of their relationship first. First of all, they were close friends, that is obvious. They had known each other for quite a long time and they had gone on many missions together (and survived), so their bond was strong. To quote Moblit from that one Smartpass AU he shares with Levi: “[Levi and Hange have] a special kind of bond from spending many years together. It’s something that Moblit didn't have with [Hange].”

Speaking of Levi, one of the things that I feel people tend to overlook from Levi is his caring nature. He cares for his squads, for humanity as a whole, and especially for his trusted comrades (e.g. Erwin and Hange). However, since he isn’t exactly a very eloquent person, he has a weird way of showing his affection, like when he told Erwin that he would break his legs so he didn't have to join the dangerous operation to retake Shiganshina. Fortunately, since Erwin knew Levi’s character, he understood the meaning behind his words. Although for most people, it was probably hard to tell. 

Other than Erwin, the other person who could see Levi’s kindness was of course Hange—who also received a lot of care from Levi. It might be because of the nature of her job (getting too close to titans for her experiments + her role as a commander later) and because of her tendency to be a little bit reckless as well as forgetful of taking care of herself when excited (which was why she had Moblit by her side) that made Levi feel the need to pay a lot of attention to her.

And by a lot, I mean A LOT. 

This is just my opinion, but in the canon, I noticed that Levi is actually the one who expresses or initiates a lot of actions toward Hange (believe me, my man is working overtime):

Asking about her new “hobby” in rocks (after Annie’s capture).

Noticing her distress after Pastor Nick’s death and trying to lift her spirit up.

Calming her down when she was upset at Keith Shadis when he finally told the truth about Grisha's past & his reason for leaving his commander position in Survey Corps.

Thinking about Hange’s safety during missions (after Bertholdt’s transformation in Shiganshina and when she was attacked by one of Kenny’s men in the Reiss Chapel).

Telling her to not touch some random things at the beach.

Telling Moblit to take care of Hange because he can't be always by her side (Smartpass AU)

Knocking Hange out to forcibly bathe her (Smartpass AU). Also, the way he worded it in a way that "yeah I don't like her filthiness when I'm off-duty, so I took it upon myself to clean her." I see you...

Levi saving Hange from being hit on the head by a bunch of books + telling her to change her wet clothes (Smartpass AU)

Well you get what I mean. Anyway—at least for me—he doesn’t seem to do this solely because of Hange’s lack of self-care. I think he shows a lot of care for Hange because she’s important to him, which is of course exacerbated when they became the last two veterans to survive after the operation to take back Shiganshina. After so much lost, he clearly saw her as the last person he’s close to. I mean, in one of the Smartpass AU, she was the first person that came to his mind when he was asked about his family.

Not only that, I think he generally likes Hange as a person because she saw him for who he truly was. Like, remember their first meeting, Hange was the only one who was willing to approach Levi (while everyone was sceptical of him) and she did it purely out of admiration. She genuinely was impressed by him and wanted to get to know him better. A gesture that might be alien to Levi, which explains why he was unsure at first about Hange, but it seemed after many missions together, Hange was eventually able to earn his trust. Hange became a person who could freely tease him (him being a clean freak + their poop jokes) as well as became a walking dictionary for him (the way she translates Levi's words to Eren).

On the other hand, contrary to Levi, I noticed that Hange tend to be more neutral with Levi. I’m not saying that Hange did not care for him. I mean, when she found his injured body, she became so protective of him that she willingly risked her life by jumping into the lake so she could save him.

There was also this one scene of her trying to comfort him when he learned that titans was actually a human. Moreover, she also considered him to be her closest friend in the Survey Corps.

I believe she rarely showed her caring side to him because she knew that he is a capable fellow, and so she didn’t think he needed her help in particular. I don't think she had ever think that this man, the strongest man in the world, would ever sustain a horrible injury or even die. Sadly, she thought wrong. When she found his injured and dying body (chapter 115), Hange had to face a horrible realisation that she could actually lose him.

Then, in chapter 126, we finally saw Hange taking care of Levi. She killed two soldiers to protect them. She also tended and healed his injury with so much care. In my opinion, being confronted by the mortality of the only person that she had left in the world, Hange most likely learned—the hard way—about how important Levi had actually become to her. Thus she was willing to do anything for him.

When this realisation mixed with her exhaustion from the war, she finally reached her breaking point. With no one but an unconscious Levi by her side, the passionate-happy-go-lucky researcher and the ever-so-composed commander of the Survey Corps found herself gradually letting down her guard to show her weakness, her feelings. In her vulnerability, she weakly expressed how she would rather live with him in the woods, away from the chaos outside. Like, can you believe this Hange, who always fought for humanity’s sake said, “Humanity be damned, I would rather spend the time I have left with you.” 

I think this explains why her confession in chapter 126 caught us (the fandom) off guard, because not only it was out of character for her, but also for the first time, she showed her feelings to Levi.

Later we know that Levi heard about her “confession” but since he also knew that Hange would never ever run away, he instead encouraged her to do the things that she believed in, and that was to stop Eren from committing genocide. However, I think her words had never left him, even after they left the woods. Because as you can see in chapter 132, he somehow made a seemingly random remark to her about how her feelings are not always unrequited. As if he knew which feelings of her that is requited. 

Consequently, we finally came to the big question. We see in chapter 132 that before Hange embarked on her suicide mission, Levi did something that was so out of character for him. He touched her heart and said, “Dedicate your heart”.

Why did he do this?

To repeat my answer above, it’s most likely because he knew that it was exactly the things that she needed to hear the most. So he said it out of empathy. But isn’t it too short or even too formal for a goodbye between two close friends? Well, we have to take into consideration that Hange could read Levi like a book (remember their iconic telepathy?). She could easily translate his roundabout words and expressions, thus he didn’t need to write an essay for her. Which is why “dedicate your heart” was more than enough for both of them.

Moreover, I also infer that the reason why he never said “Dedicate your heart” while he was a soldier before was because he probably thought that he didn't necessarily have to give his heart to the corps and humanity. Again, he didn't have a grand reason to fight in the first place, and so he just wanted to do what he thought was good: to lend all his strength to help humanity. Therefore, by saying it for the first time in front of her, he seemingly wanted to show her how important and special she was to him. As if he was saying that he wants to dedicate himself only to her.

Hence, his gesture and words to Hange combined with all the preceding events (especially events in chapters 126 and 132), I could say that behind those three words, he was actually telling her: “Hey, the things you said in the woods, it was not unrequited. I actually feel the same way as you. I want to live with you as well, which is why I don't want you to go. However, I know I can't stop you because you’ve dedicated your heart to the freedom of humanity. So, I’ll let you go, but before you go I want you to know that you’re the only person I’m dedicating my heart to. My heart is yours.”

I'm not Hange so I don't think my translation is accurate HAHA but that's how I see it.

In conclusion, Levi had only ever said Dedicate your heart to Hange because: 1) he knew it would make her feel better/happy and special; and 2) it was also his answer to her soliloquy in the woods (it was his way of telling her that they share mutual feelings).

-----

So yeah, that’s my opinion. I hope I was able to express myself clearly :D

Also, I can't believe you are asking me this, anon. No one ever asked me about my opinion before. Usually, people come for me for my silly fanfic(s) xD 

ANYWAY, your question is very much appreciated! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts regarding Levi, especially his relationship with Hange. This was fun to write (and research!), I really enjoyed the process!

Although it was a bit painful too tbh because I had to reopen my old wound by rereading chapters 126 and 132 :') You did it anon, you made me cry... at 12.30 AM T_T)b

[cosmicjoke]

why was levi so mean here actually i just noticed it now but maybe i am oversensitive

is that a result of frustration?

Yeah, a result of frustration and probably just not being very happy about the plan in general. Levi knew a lot of soldiers were going to have to die in order to pull Erwin's plan off, so he's testy as hell. Eren is complaining about the situation, about not being able to protect the wagons. I talk all the time about how hard it is for Levi to ignore his own instincts to always protect people for the sake of the Survey Corps' goals, and this is one such instant. Levi knew, in order to lead the Female Titan into Erwin's waiting trap, he was going to have to stamp down his instinct to protect the soldiers as his rear and let them act as a distraction to the Female Titan, allowing his own squad to maintain a step on her. Meanwhile, he's got Eren whining in his ear about why they aren't protecting the wagons and how they can't see any approaching titans. He's not able to explain to him what's really going on because Erwin's plan depends on secrecy, since they didn't at that point know which soldiers were the enemy, outside of those that had been there since before the fall of Wall Maria. He's just pissed and upset because he knows Erwin's plan is going to get people killed, and there's nothing he can do about it if the plan is actually going to work, and Eren is undoubtedly souring his mood further with his incessant questions and, as Levi says, pointing out the obvious. People don't ever really consider how hard this is for Levi. It goes against his every natural inclination. His default mode is to protect and rescue people. They just see him being "mean" to Eren and think he's a dick, but like I always say about Levi, pretty much every instance of him being supposedly mean or rude or violent is rooted in the fact that he cares. He cares too much about people and their well-being to be indifferent to their deaths, and sometimes he expresses that care with anger, especially when his own hands are tied in being able to help them.

[random-fandom-inserts]

He Was My Patient

Here’s a shot at some Levi fanfiction. Hope someone enjoys. Levi x Female Reader❤️

You were a doctor for the Scout Regiment, and this is a look at the journey between you and Levi.

It was another average day for you. As a doctor for the Scout Regiment, you were charged with taking care of the soldiers who got wounded while out in the field. While there were many doctors and nurses on staff there, you were the one in charge. Most of the time, your patients were respectful and kind.

But then you met the stubborn man from the Underground District.

Levi Ackerman, along with his friends Farlan and Isabel, were some of the most stubborn people you’ve ever met. Why did Erwin allow these people to join the Scouts?

Every cadet who joins has to go through a mandatory check-up through you. Vitals, past injuries, or any sort of medical awareness went through you and was properly placed in a folder for your convenience. The amount of information you asked and required might make people uncomfortable, but they understood and complied, nonetheless. 

Isabel put up a bit of a fight, Farlan was compliant, but Levi was a challenge. 

He was stubborn and rude, refusing to give up any information about himself. Needless to say, you gave up. Letting him suffer from any wound he got was something that helped you sleep at night. After all, he was quite a jerk to you when you were just doing your job.

Cut to after Farlan and Isabel died: First Feelings

You heard about the loss before you even saw the soldiers who were on the expedition. Farlan and Isabel certainly weren’t the only ones who died, but this was on a personal level for you now. Levi stubbornness around you had continued well until now, and you shared that same dislike to him.

But now, everything changed.

Levi was compliant when you examined him, even going so far as to agree on bedrest alongside some other wounded soldiers. You never expected this kind of behavior from him, but after you heard what happened from Erwin, you weren’t surprised.

The man had shut down. He had lost everything that was familiar to him.

Everything except you.

As days went by, you couldn’t stop thinking about him. Yes, you did feel sorry for him, but it was more than that. Erwin didn’t seem to mind the attempted murder, so you didn’t either. Truthfully, you didn’t know what Levi’s plans were anymore. Would he stay with the Scouts?

There was a weird pain in your chest at the thought of him leaving.

Unbeknownst to you, you began to check up on Levi more than your other patients. Even the ones with gnarled arms and missing legs still came after him. You would glance over one patient, and then immediately move to the room next door.

He slept most of the time, much to your surprise. Whenever you walked into his room, Levi was just slouched back against his pillow, eyes shut with hands laying on his stomach. It was maybe two or three times that you would come in here to see him. This time, you had a vase with flowers in it to place by his bedside.

“I keep this room as neat and tidy as possible. I know you appreciate that.” You whispered as to not wake him when you gently set the vase down. Afterwards, you hesitated for a second before gingerly sitting on the edge of his bed.

“I hope you know I wish you all the best, Levi.” You whispered while reaching to gently grab one of his hands. It took a couple seconds, but you were surprised to see how his thumb moved to gently stroke your own hand. Looking up, you saw that his eyes were still shut.

But you couldn’t help the smile that accompanied your red hued cheeks.

A mission beyond the walls: First Kiss

It seems Levi decided to stay and follow Erwin after all. You were both glad and terrified at the same time. I mean, he’s seen what titans can do to people, how easy it is for people to die. What if something happened to him?

You were well aware of your feelings for him now, even if he wasn’t. 

As the Scouts got ready to depart for the world outside the walls, you walked with Levi as he led his horse towards the others. The two of you are no longer acting so petty towards each other. I guess after seeing how easy it was to lose his friends, Levi was more aware of how he treated others. Yes, that must be the reason.

“You’ll come back safe, right? I won’t see you without any limbs?” You asked him, semi-joking but also very serious. He didn’t turn his head to fully look at you, but his steely gray eyes flickered in your direction.

“I don’t intend to. I’m going to go out there...and I’m going to come back...” His voice was serious and determined. However, he also mumbled something else that you couldn’t quite catch. There was a nagging feeling in the pit of your gut to tell him your feelings, but before you could say anything, a shout was heard.

“Scout Regiment! Prepare to depart!” A voice came from the front. You both looked in that direction as the other soldiers mounted their steeds and sped up towards the gate. Levi reluctantly hung back, looking up there and then looking back at you.

“Levi...be safe.” You chickened out, folding your hands together and looking at his boots. For a second, you thought you saw a flicker of disappointment in his eyes, but it became glazed by his stoic look. Levi nodded at your words before turning the follow the others, still on foot.

But he only took a couple steps before stopping. It only took a second for him to spin on his feet, drop the reins, and rush back over to you.

Before you could comprehend, Levi grabbed your hand and pulled you towards him, allowing your lips to crash against his.

The kiss only lasted for a couple of seconds before he pulled away.

“It seems I’ve fallen for you as well...I can’t deny it anymore...” He whispered, eyes full of more emotion than his face showed. You widened your eyes.

“You knew?” You asked him, cheeks a dark hue. He nodded.

“I was just too scared to confront you...I’ve lost so many that I’ve come to care about...I didn’t want...I couldn’t...” Levi fumbled over his words, not used to speaking about such emotions. However, more soldiers were shouting for the lagging ones to hurry up. Levi glared in their direction.

“We’ll discuss this later...because you will come back.” You said and he nodded, reluctantly letting go of your hand. His loyal horse had followed him over, and he was quick to grab the reins and swing up into the saddle before urging his horse to a gallop, following Erwin and the rest of the Scouts out of the gates.

He becomes Captain Levi: Proposal

“This is so exciting! You’ve really moved up in the world since the day we first met.” You told him with a big grin as you grabbed his hand in your own, swinging them slightly. The two of you just got done with dinner, dressed up slightly, and were now walking down a dirt path through the countryside.

“I mean, Captain Levi, how formal does that sound?” You teased him a bit, nudging your shoulder against his in a loving manner.

“I hate it.” He deadpanned, and you giggled a bit. You knew well enough that ever since he’s been promoted to that title people, especially Hanji, have not called him anything else. You don’t blame him for getting irritated.

“It’ll get better, dear. You know that.” You said lovingly and he nodded, squeezing your hand a bit. This caused you to arch a brow a bit. Levi has been quiet for most of the evening, quieter than usual.

Did something happen?

“Levi, you are enjoying your evening, right?” You asked him, and he gave you a rare smile. But what surprised you more about that was that you swore his cheeks were slightly pink.

“Yes. I always enjoy my time with you, but that brings me to make an important decision.” Levi told you, halting his walk which caused you to stop as well. Much to your confusion, he released your hand and fished around for something in his jacket pocket.

Your face exploded in color when he pulled out a small ring, getting down on one knee.

“Marry me, Y/N.” The way he said it was commanding, like he wouldn’t take no for an answer. It was very typical of Levi, but you could see the hesitation and worry in his eyes, the fear he had when he made this decision. But you were just shocked.

B-But...b-but it’s supposed to be your big day! I mean, isn’t that why we went out to such a nice place?” You asked him, stuttering slightly as you recalled the evening’s events. Did Levi sneakily plan a nice evening, that you thought was to celebrate him, just to propose to you?

“It still is my big day...if you just say yes already.” He stated bluntly while avoiding eye contact with a red face.

“I-I...Yes! I mean, of course!” You said while still trying to wrap your head around what was happening. However, things were being set in reality when he got back to his feet and slid that gorgeous ring on your finger. 

It glistened beautifully in the setting sun as you held out your hand to admire.

“I’m going to be really happy as your wife, Levi...” You told him lovingly, tears nearly brimming your eyes. The man himself smiled a bit and moved over to place an arm around your shoulder. You both stood there in peaceful silence until Levi broke it.

“We’re never going to hear the end of it from Four Eyes...”

A year after the wedding: The Future and Beyond

The first anniversary is always the most exciting one, and truthfully, you never thought you would get to this point in your life, especially with a man like Levi. You were a doctor and you expected that to always be your priority ever since you were chosen for the Scouts.

However, now your priority has changed.

“What do you think about having kids?” You asked Levi out of the blue as you guys sat outside at this local tea shop, enjoying a cup for your anniversary. However, your question caught him off guard, and he started to cough and choke on the hot beverage.

You winced as he struggled. A couple seconds later, and he managed to compose himself.

“Um...they’re kind of dumb, don’t you think?” He asked with a bit of a red face, looking away with narrowed eyes. You giggled a bit, gripping your own mug of tea.

“Well...what do you think if we had a couple of little idiots?” You asked again, and Levi hummed to himself. Looking over, he watched as countless families and others walked down the street. He hummed to himself.

“I would be a shit father...but I think you would definitely be strong enough to bring another Ackerman into this world.” You smiled sympathetically at him, reaching out to grab his hand in your own, squeezing it.

“I know you’ll do just fine...you’re gonna have to be.” You told him with a slight grin, a blush on your face. Levi’s eyes widened at that, and he felt his whole body go numb for a second as he processed what you said.

“Wait...are you trying to tell me you’re...pregnant?” He asked, and you nodded slightly. For the first time ever, even when he was just your patient in the infirmary, Levi’s eyes brimmed with a bit of tears. 

“I...I...” He struggled over his words as you squeezed his hand a bit, allowing him to be emotional for this tender moment in your guy’s lives. Levi allowed himself to wipe the tears a bit and compose himself before saying what he said to you years ago.

“I’m going to go out there...and I’m going to come back...” But this time, you were able to catch what he mumbled at the end of that sentence, altered as it may be now.

“For you...and our child.”

The journey you guys have been through were a whirlwind of emotions. From dislike, to neutral, to love, you guys crossed the whole spectrum. Levi started as just your patient, but he has now become your husband and the father of your unborn child. He got the life that he never expected to have.

And you both were so grateful that it turned out this way.

[levmada]

fluff alphabet [6/6]

last part last part !! This one has V–Z: value in the relationship, random hc, how affectionate they are, how they cope when missing their partner, and the lengths they will go to for the relationship.

thank you for the support on this little series (which was somehow easier to do than the smut alphabet lol)

wc: ~1.6k

warnings: S3P2 spoilers, sleep deprivation

V » Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is its worth in comparison to other things in their life?

(Canon) Levi obviously has his priorities to the cause - it’s his duty. But listen! He was so selfish to - with the opinion that letting Erwin die would damn humanity - let Erwin rest instead of allowing the world to turn him into a monster.

This in mind, if Levi is willing to fight with you and for you, then he’s willing to risk his life for the sake of what you share. He doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘fling’ mao.

I think there’s very little he wouldn’t do - as any person he chooses to share his life and love with is what he holds with most value :((

W » Wild Card - A random fluff headcanon

The way Levi sleeps is either really funny or a little creepy. Let me explain:

He prefers not to sleep in a bed because he always wants to be on his guard (added by traumatic memories from the way his mother died) + what with growing up in the Underground, that meant being able to sleep in all sorts of places, and quietly, for short amounts of time. He must've been forced to be on his guard constantly, especially seeing how he was the strongest in the Underground too.

In the first place, Levi is hesitant to let you sleep in bed with him: nightmares, his chronic sleeplessness, and his crippling self-doubt in general.

but he cares a great deal about you (and you, him) so once he feels he’s ready, he gives in to bed-sharing. He’ll still be dressed in his white uniform shirt, pants and socks when he goes to bed with you that night (but at least his shirt is untucked with the collar loose, right?...).

Anyway, he doesn’t sleep that night: he’s not used to it :( of course baby isn’t used to sleeping in a bed, or shutting down much at all. Plus he’s with you. If he fell asleep, he could have a nightmare and wake you up (because those are common for him).

So Levi doesn’t sleep for more than, like - 10 minute stretches on the nights that follow, for long enough that the bags beneath his eyes to look literally bruised. He becomes a lot more irritable (even more than usual), a lot more distracted, a lot more tired.

When you caught him standing in his office, eyes fluttering and swaying on his feet, that’s when you stepped in…

Only for Levi to snap awake, and insist he was fine.

He smacks into the edge of a doorway face-first as he went to escape the confrontation. That’s when you really put your foot down and got him to get some rest.

And for once?? Not a hard battle.

(This is getting long...) After this, and after Levi goes back to sleeping alone for a while, he decides to take the leap, and try again. (You make him promise to wake you up if he needs anything. He does.)

It was difficult, at first - allowing himself to let his guard down for a few hours at a time. He can never know when something’s going to happen, and this has been his routine for many, many years. He survived using it.

Plus, it was a strange feeling to have someone less than arm’s length away, guard totally down. He couldn’t get over the fluttery shock that erupted in his belly when you held him (or when he held you) at first.

Many tries… many nightmares… a lot of patience.. so many reassurances.

“Even if there was an emergency,” you whisper, “you’d be awake right away, right?”

In the darkness, Levi watches you, covers tucked up to his chin, hands balled into fists. “Yes.”

“I’m right here, ‘Vi.”

His gaze becomes glassy. “Right. Yeah... Thank you.”

Things get better :) While you sleep, resting your head on his shoulder, affection like a flower blooms in his chest. At some point he’s content to let his eyes flutter shut with you curled up together, a tangle of limbs side by side. With his face tucked into your neck, he allows himself to feel safe.

In general: Levi sleeps silently, oddly enough. There is never a snore, a hum, and he hardly ever even moves once he’s down. He might as well be dead, save for the rise and fall of his chest, unless you shift around a little too suddenly and he jolts awake.

He almost always jolts awake in general - especially before he gets used to you being there - but he eventually learns (unconsciously) to be deaf to those little sounds and movements of yours.

However, he twitches and jolts in his sleep a lot. It’s not always because of a bad dream, either. It’s a sleep thing… or a Levi thing, because his nose tends to scrunch up, and his brow will twitch and furrow like he does when he’s particularly pissed off.

And he won’t ever (ever) fall asleep before you, if he can help it. Not even out of a sense of self-preservation, but in case you need something :( And, he can’t be 100% you’re safe and alright if he’s already dozing.

As a skill from the Underground… Levi can ironically fall asleep anywhere. His chair is a given, but if he’s tired enough, he can get in a few minutes in any chair, given it’s quiet (or he’s just that exhausted). On expeditions, too: leaning on the wall of a guard tower, stooped upon a log in front of a campfire… you name it.

Say you’ve been together a long time (and by extension, sleeping in the same bed). You will find out that Levi is capable of napping quite often, and usually using your thigh, lap, or chest as a pillow.

He’s a pretty avid sleep-talker too ! Most of the things he mumbles are pretty nonsensical, but his rudeness and sardonic attitude pretty much goes away; all that’s left is soft, sleepy Levi. He gets so vulnerable :(

TLDR: alternate headcanon says that when Levi drinks enough to actually feel the effects of alcohol (which is very rare), he gets very affectionate and at least 70% more emotional than when he’s sober: cue Levi wrapping his arms around your waist from behind (in a room with people, mind you), and cooing in your ear how nice and sweet and pretty you are.

X » XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

At first?? No: receiving affection makes him go stiff and uncomfortable - not because it’s you, but because he has no idea what to do with being treated softly yk.

But you can’t convince me Levi isn’t touch-starved. Give him time :( And then, when he starts leaning into your hand, your lips, your hugs, he’ll very gradually begin to respond in kind… maybe trace little patterns into your fingers, flop down on the sofa and make a pillow out of your lap, or roll over in the middle of the night and tug for you until he’s cradling you to his chest :((

Even past that point, Levi isn’t a super affectionate person in general - it’s just not the primary way he shows his love. But, he’s good at being the first to reach out, and he enjoys making you blush and laugh. He enjoys making you happy.

Y » Yearning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

Compartmentalize his emotions + pretend his feelings Do Not Exist. This is how Levi deals with everything - his grief, his worries, his anger, etc.

That said, no one on the outside will be able to tell. When he’s alone, the first thing Levi’s going to do is distract himself until he can no longer keep his eyes open without his vision blurring, let alone thinking about it, and by extension letting himself hurt.

He has a hard time taking care of himself when he’s like this, because if he’s going to such great lengths to distract himself from his lack of your presence, he’s going to forget other things: sleeping well (or sleeping at all), eating (especially if he can’t stomach anything), and when he does sleep, he may just forget about the bed altogether and take a nap in his uniform. The bed feels too empty without you:(

Also... he's going to wear your clothes when he can get away with it - especially if you have anything particularly baggy. Levi is a sweater-lover.

Z » Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?

Yes, yes yes!! If you have an issue of some kind, he will do his damndest to resolve a misunderstanding / get you to see his side. As I stated above, there’s very little Levi won’t do for you. He will fight, he will kill, he will even risk getting himself killed in the efforts to guarantee your safety.

But, if it’s clear enough to him that he no longer (or doesn’t) mean that much to you, Levi will close himself off immediately. He goes quiet, takes a physical and metaphorical step back, and eventually retreats to take some time for himself.

He has very little self-worth beyond his strength, so he already sees himself as undeserving of a romantic relationship. It’s easy to make him overthink and doubt himself in this regard.

It’s not right in his eyes to change a decision you’re already resolved to making, so he won’t force you, and if you wanted to go, he wouldn’t stop you.

In his mind, that'd probably be the best-case scenario anyway - his job is dangerous, and he knows he's horrible at showing he cares for you, or for anyone. Maybe he doesn't even think he deserves it.

holy shit don’t ever leave him poor baby

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[nixie-writes-aot]

Bittersweet Memories

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort

Characters: Levi Ackerman, Erwin Smith

Prompt: Underground City // Childhood Memories

Author's Note: It has been a While since I wrote anything that isn't oc x canon or reader x character hdjjddj. Yesterday was a good ecperience in getting used to the almost melancholic way of how I want to write most of these

Levi had gotten used to the respect that everyone seemed to maintain, even when they were shitting on the Survey Corps and Erwin. The way his name seemed to be the first word they thought in relation to the Survey Corps. It was even more outstanding how much pride Trost especially seemed to gain as the date approached. Levi leaned against the door frame, watching Erwin with lidded eyes. Those blue eyes seemed capable of hiding so much. Yet, from Levi it didn't seem Erwin had much to hide. Anymore, at least.

"Did you know my father was a teacher?" Erwin suddenly spoke up, peering up at Levi from his desk.

Levi furrowed his brows, "You've mentioned. Something about wanting to find truth." Levi stated, "The fuck is this about?"

Erwin sighed with a low chuckle, "The musings of an old man, that's all." Erwin frowned, "... Who sacrificed so many. One has to wonder, Levi, if this was the right course of action when so many died."

Levi pushed off of the wall, approaching Erwin's desk. "What happened to that whole dedicate your heart bullshit then? You're a soldier, don't come at me with that sappy shit." He scoffed.

The blonde smiled, "As tactful as ever, Levi. Thank you for the reminder. I care about you too."

Levi sighed, turning around. "Whatever, Erwin." Despite his seeming annoyed, he was rather appreciative that Erwin knew what he was saying. Yet there was a certain level of resignation and melancholy in Erwin's voice, mentioning his father. It made Levi think back to a similar moment. It made him think about the last time he let himself actually enjoy a moment.

Levi hadn't been but hardly ten, capable of taking down grown men. It was what Kenny taught him, of course, and he knew it well. By then, Kenny had already departed. Long gone in a crowd of people cheering on Levi in a fight, his first, that he had won. Levi could remember looking up, pride swelling up and hoping Kenny felt the same only for his heart to shatter when his only caretaker turned away. Levi never understood why. Well, until he spoke with him. Levi could at least be appreciative of the man's candor while he was dying. Memories of the past, of the dead, were all Levi had anymore. All anyone who went through that hell had, a time where Levi was sure Farlan would've agreed with him before Isabel said something stupidly optimistic.

Levi still missed them.

Levi wished he could've settled things with so many ghosts of the past. Kenny, Farlan, Isabel, his squad. Levi lingered in the doorway, "The right course is the course where they don't die in vain, shitty brows." He huffed, "We have to give their deathes meaning."

Erwin only hummed in acknowledgment, "Dismissed, Levi."

Taglist: @leviweek2023

[dorn-queen-of-thorns]

A wind of change

Prolog for "Our future signed in letter"

Everything will change for the better

London (1917) a week later :

Doctor Meyer patiently cares for the infected wounds of his patient, patiently he listens to his curses and insults. He knows from his studies that patients like him don't mean something bad about their counterparts. Rather, they are angry about their own life story or their path of suffering, some people also talk about fate.

Well, Dr. Meyer is a rationally thinking person, when it comes to facts about something like predetermined fates he doesn't believe. He focuses on the people in front of him.

Just like the middle-aged man he's trying to treat:

His patient is called Levi Ackermann, a short, middle-aged man of 36 years. The last war against Eren Jaeger hit him hard. Since then, Mr. Ackermann has been sitting in a wheelchair and persistently refusing to do his physiotherapy exercises, which has resulted in his stiff leg.

In addition, a wound on the left knee has still not healed properly and needs a daily bandage change with iodine-soaked cloths.

Levi and his doctor both know that he has given himself up on the inside.

Outwardly, he still gives the impression that he is the well-groomed, meticulous - clean man of the past: His hair is still dark brown, almost black. He wears it with an undercut, which makes his appearance look younger. What makes him older are his sad eyes, the right one is blind. Hit by a splinter from a thunderbolt and its additional facial scars.

At a glance you can see how much grief and suffering this man had to endure.

It's just a matter of time how long Levi can keep his outer facade up and he'll put an end to it all for himself.

"Are we done with that?" The man snaps like a vicious dog in the direction of the doctor. Today the doctor torments him especially with moving his knee joint, “AAAAH FUCK! SHIT !!!!"

The doctor looks at the bandage in frustration, “I haven't even started your treatment, Mr. Ackermann. I can not always stop my work, otherwise your leg will become infected and you will die of sepsis ... "

The war veteran in front of him just mumbles depressed: "And if I do ... Then I'm finally stinking in my grave with the others ..."

At the thought he thinks of Hanji and Erwin and everyone else from the Survey Corp. He misses them all so much and that the two Marley children Gabi and Falco cling to him so much doesn't make it any better for him. They both do their best, he knows, but they are no substitute for all the people he has lost and loved. One person in particular is always on his mind.

At that time three years ago she disappeared with Eren's head without an answer from her to stay with him when he asked. When Hanji died that day, it tore the floor from under his feet and he could only calm himself down with the fact that she was still among the survivors ... and she still does.

He remembers the words he said to her. It was the only time that he spoke openly about his feelings and his wishes.

In the end it hadn't worked, she'd left without a word of explanation with her stepbrother's head in her arms.

Back then he always wondered what connects the two of them. He always wondered what she found in him, although he often expressed his disapproval of her. How he would have loved to have been the one who would have had that connection with her. He wanted to catch her in her grief when it was all over.

He never heard from her again, and four weeks ago all the remaining members of the alliance visited Eren's grave.

He also intended to come. But fate has never been fair to him and his leg and his fear of her reaction has also hindered him on the journey.

He looks bravely out of his window. In no case should the doctor see his shiny eyes, which indicate that he is about to cry. Fucking crybaby! Look at you, you are a grown man and cry like a baby that has been torn from its mother.

Frustrated, he holds his hand in front of his eyes, "Carry on!" And he quietly lets the procedure go through.

Later that day he goes for a walk on the Thames with Gabi and Falco. Both are teenagers and you can see their adolescent facial features as adults. Both have grown a lot: Gabi towers a few centimeters above Levi and Falco is already as tall as Hanji was back then.

Falco pushes him all the time, while Gabi talks all the time. Fortunately, she was able to leave the vindictive war child from back then and only talks about it with Falco, if at all.

Levi accepts this and does not impose himself on her, he also has topics, that he would only have wanted to share with Hanji and Erwin and he would have given another person sympathy for his thoughts. But she is not here and she let him understand three years ago what she thought of his request. Or maybe she hadn't noticed his request because she had had one of her migraines at that time?

With the second option, he tries to calm himself down that she was not entirely in her right mind at the time. It would be easier for him to endure. Because he has to admit, had he been in her place with Hanji or Erwin's head in his arms, he would probably have reacted the same way.

Thoughtfully he listens to Gabi's chatter and Falco pushes him on a huge bridge in the direction of a huge bell clock that the residents of London call "Big Ben". When he saw this huge clock for the first time, he was overwhelmed by the view and he was able to forget his grief for a moment. But life has never been fair to him and his grief caught up with him in the end. Even his love for tea and his desire to open a tea shop with his third friend Onyankopon here in London cannot free him from his deep shit hole.

On the contrary, everything has gotten worse, he just can't take it anymore. He wants to put an end to it all today. He's just waiting for the right moment ...

The three pass a viewing platform. " Oi brats! Leave me here alone for a moment. I want to be alone with my shitty thoughts. Here you can both get an ice cream and we'll see you soon! Hurry up !!! ”

He gives the two of them a few shillings. Neither of the Marley children are suspicious of him because he behaves like that on a number of occasions.

When both children are out of reach, he is alone again with his carousel thought. You, wretched liar! You don't intend to wait for the two of them. Then stop your miserable life so no one sees your stinking corpse in the water, he thinks. He pulls himself on the boundary between the platform and beneath himself the deadly freedom.

It's easy, you monster. All you have to do is hang your torso upside down. Once the weight of your upper body is heavy enough, your stinking legs will be pulled along with you and then you can finish everything. He is already standing on the railing and leaning his upper body forward sharply.

He thinks one last time of Hanji and Erwin. I'll be with you in a moment, guys . He tries to calm himself down with the thought.

Then he thinks of Mikasa one last time, wishing he had been able to get to know her under different circumstances. He wishes he was the one to find her instead of Eren.

If he leaves this world now, he will never have a chance to see her again, no matter how smal the chance is. Tears of anger and despair come up in him.

NO! He just can't do it, at least until he gets a clear answer to his question from three years ago and he just can't close it with her. He pulls back from the railing and falls back onto his wheelchair. His leg hurts from exhaustion. He would like to give himself a little more time, there is still hope. It occurs to him that Armin contacted him eight weeks ago and that everyone wanted to go back to Paradis.

Levi had to cancel for a while because his leg still hasn't healed. She's still alive and that's enough for him in the end.

"Captain! We brought you an ice cream ”, Falco greets him. Both Marley children appear behind him.

He accepts the ice cream, “ take me to the shop. I still have something to do there ” ,he says thoughtfully.

“We'll help you, Captain!” Shouts Gabi enthusiastically.

His brats ..., he thinks reassured that he doesn't have to be all alone in this big, filthy city.

When they got to the shop, Onyankopon was already expecting the three of them, “It's good that you are here. Levi, we have to go through the orders again. So that everything runs smoothly for the opening next month. And you two, would you be so kind as to clean the big shop windows? The last owner didn't care and they are streaky and dirty. ”

Falco and Gabi are happy to be able to spend a lot of time with them, even though their parents live here in London.

“We'll do that!” Says Gabi.

Both of them spend the whole afternoon cleaning the glass windows, which proves to be stubborn.

“Did the previous owner even clean this place? It's disgusting! ”Gabi scolds in frustration.

“The old owner was sick and, as far as I know, couldn't do that anymore,” recalls Falco.

Both see the postman come by. Certainly he only brings the bills or permits from the office for the reopening of the store. Strangely, the messenger only has one letter with him this time ...

Gabi runs to the messenger and takes the letter. She reads the addressee: Captain L. Ackermann, sender: M. Ackermann, an unknown address on Paradis. I'M SORRY, WHAT?!

Gabi goes back into the shop with a trembling hand. “Falco, you won't believe where this letter come from?” Gabi says excitedly.

The Marley boy looks up from his job in frustration, “a letter. What is special about it? "

“It's from Paradis from Mikasa!” She says in a hushed tone. She holds the letter in the light in the hope that there is something treacherous in it.

This also arouses interest in the boy, but also recognizes what his girlfriend is doing right now, "Gabi, what you are doing is not right."

"What do you think what's in there? Maybe a love letter? Oh, I wish, it would be that way for the captain ... “, she says hopefully.

“Gabi, put the letter aside. We'll notice from the captain what kind of letter this is ... ", says Falco.

" That‘ s correct. He won't say anything about the letter, but his facial features all the more ”, Gabi points out,“ then we should watch him today. ”

She puts the letter on the counter and continues with her work.

After an hour, Onyankopon and the captain come back from the storeroom. Onyankopon sees the letter and at first assumes that it is a normal invoice , but then sees the personal details. He has to suppress a grin and passes it on to the addressee, " This is for you."

Captain Levi raises an eyebrow skeptically. When he looks at the letter, his heart leaps. It is his brat's personal details. His hand begins to shake, he breaks into a sweat like a nervous schoolboy, in Levi's case a street boy. He drives back to the tea kitchen at once, “Oi Onyankopon! I want to be alone Go ahead. I'll be right back."

Onyankopon nods knowingly to him. Apparently he is interpreting too much into the letter, thinks Levi.

I'm sure his brat would like to tell him that she's already married, possibly to Jean the Horse Face ... Ugh! But then this thought doesn’t make any sence, she could continue to ignore him.

Onyankopon joins the Marley children, who are now watching the captain closely.

„Aaaaw! The captain seems nervous ”, Gabi notes with a squeaky girl's voice.

"Gabi! Not so loud! He can also hear you, ”Falco says to her in a hushed voice.

Gabi just shrugs her shoulders and shows that she doesn't care.

“You two saw the letter?” Asks Onyankopon. Both children nod to him.

“I put paper and an ink pen on the counter. If it's a positive letter, he'll want to write her back. Let's watch him, ”says Onyankopon mischievously.

All three are waiting eagerly ...

Levi sits alone in the tea kitchen and struggles to open the letter. His fear is too great that something like a rejection will be in it. But why did she bother to write to him then? She could have continued to ignore him, right?

With a trembling, sweaty hand, he opens it and reads neatly written letters:

Dear Captain! (She writes , that I am DEAR ?!)

I've wanted to talk to you for so long and to apologize, that I left you without a word of goodbye . Armin is now helping me to write you this letter and I am grateful to him for it.

I hope , you are well in London and that your wounds will heal soon.

My life here on Paradis is quite simple and I live alone in my self-made home. Sometimes I just get angry with the heads of state from Paradis and Hizuru. (Levi has to grin at this and can roughly imagine it.)

I don't really have more to say about myself.

(Then the last sentence that stands out from all others):

PS: You are often on my mind.

Regards

Your Mikasa.

Levi has to read the letter twice and his eyes keep getting wet. Again and again he has to wipe the moisture from his eyes so that the others don't notice. He still can't believe that she wrote him this loving letter and that she had the courage to contact him on her own initiative. Well, Armin will have encouraged her in her decision as he knows him. But Hanji and Erwin would have done the same for him too. And there isn't a single word about Eren in it!

He'll have to write back to her right away, tonight! He drives out of his kitchen again and wants to get something to write about and drives to the tea room.

He sees paper and fountain pens waiting for him suspiciously.

DAMNED! He knows that he will betray himself to the others. But now he doesn't care what the others think of him and takes the writing material and can only do one "Mikasa wrote to me" to mumble the other three.

The three grin knowingly at him and leave him alone with the subject. He'll talk about it on his own when he feels the need.

Mikasa's letter saved him from his very dark thoughts today and he secretly thanks her for it. He senses that there is still hope for an old dog like him.

Levi has recognized for himself that he still has a job to do here in London and he takes time for her and also to give time for himself, what is to come. He can only guess it today and he smiles at it, but nobody sees it.

Wait for me, Mikasa! I promise you , that I will give you everything you hope and wish for. The old feelings of three years are beginning to germinate in him again and he feels a warmth rising within him that he was familiar with a very long time ago. Irritated, he thinks for a moment about why he has to think of this person now, but brushes that thought aside.

A few years later he will find out what this thought means and why it is so closely connected to Mikasa ...

[raven-eruri]

Levi takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself, and knocks. One time, gently, almost a rasp on the door. He waits, but there’s no answer, so he enters the room. Erwin is asleep at his desk — and for a second there, Levi forgets how to breathe. 

The candles are burning low, and the golden shadows they’re casting are illuminating his skin. He’s resting with his head in his arms and his eyes close. He looks younger in his sleep — there’s a childish innocence in his face. Peaceful. A few strands of hair have escaped his neatly done fringe, and Levi has to resist the physical urge to put them back in place, to gently run his fingers into his blonde locks. He looks so beautiful Levi could cry. 

He’s debating whether to wake him or simply go back to his own room when Erwin’s eyes flutter open. 

“Levi?” asks Erwin sleepily. He’s smiling — and his smile is so soft, so different from the hardened Commander’s mask he wears all day. 

“Yeah. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up. I — I saw light under your door, and I thought — maybe you’d be hungry,” Levi finishes weakly, gesturing to the tray in his hands. 

“How thoughtful of you,” says Erwin, straightening up in his chair. He yawns widely, rubbing at his face as he does so. “Please, Levi, would you join me?”

“I —” Levi hesitates for a second. “You should go to bed, Erwin. You look exhausted. You’ll get wrinkles if you’re not careful,” he adds playfully. 

“Ah,” Erwin laughs quietly, “that would be unfortunate, really. Still, I’m afraid I still have a lot to do tonight and I could use a break, if I’m being honest. Will you keep me company for a while?”

And how can Levi say no to that? Truth is, he’s perfectly aware that he’s incapable of saying no to anything Erwin may ask of him. So he puts the tray down on the small table in front of the fireplace and takes a seat on the couch next to it, letting himself sink into the cushions, crossing his legs. 

“Well?” Levi says, raising an eyebrow. “Are you gonna take an actual break and come sit down with me, or are you only gonna pretend and keep working?”

“I need to finish that report, Levi.”

“Get your ass over here, Smith, or I’m going back to my room.”

And Erwin laughs. A real, genuine, honest laugh and Levi barely represses a smile of his own at the sight. When Erwin laughs, his whole face lightens up, and Levi thinks that he could stare at it for the rest of his life and die a happy man. It’s almost... painful. Watching him forget about the Survey Corps, and the titans, and the deaths, just for an instant. It makes him wonder if they had met in another life, in other circumstances, maybe, just maybe, things would have been different for them. His heart sinks in his chest, so Levi bends over and pours the tea into the small porcelain cups. He’s found them in Trost’s market one day and bought them with his first pay from the Survey Corps, and he remembers thinking that it was the first time he had something that was only his. He doesn’t mind sharing his cups with Erwin, though, because Erwin is the only reason he can even buy cups, let alone use them. 

They sit quietly for a moment, next to each other, close enough to take comfort in each other’s proximity but far enough that they don’t actually touch. Erwin takes a sip of tea, cradling the cup into his hands, and leans back against the couch. He spreads his thighs in the process, so they brush lightly against Levi’s own for a split second, and the brief contact lights every nerve in Levi on fire. It’s unfair, really, how much Erwin can affect him. He never used to be like this before. He always despised physical contact. People are gross and filthy, and they always have an ulterior motive — sex, money, or murder. So, he avoided physical touch with a passion, but Erwin, Erwin is different. He’s bright and tall, and he smells like soap, after-shave, and the weird hair product he puts on his hair to make it stay in place. Levi doesn’t know what to do with that. He’s never met someone who made him feel like he just wanted to be — touched. He wants Erwin to touch him so bad it’s killing him. He has ruined him, he thinks; Levi is ruined now. He will never be able to focus properly ever again if Erwin is close to him — hell, even if he’s on the other side of the room. 

“It’s nice, not being alone tonight,” Erwin says suddenly. He’s looking straight into the fire, and Levi knows what he sees in it — the faces of all those who gave their lives for Humanity. Levi doesn’t know what to say to that. He’s never been good with words. He kills titans; that’s what he does. Killing titans doesn’t require much eloquence. So he hums lightly, blowing on his cup. 

“You should go to bed, Levi. You have training in the morning,” adds Erwin. 

“So do you. And yet you will be writing your reports until your fingers don’t work anymore and the sun is rising. You’ll fall asleep at your desk like you were when I found you earlier, and your neck will be all sore and stiff tomorrow.” 

Erwin smiles again, and oh, Levi relishes in the thought that his Commander’s smiles are scarce, but they’re reserved for him. It’s not much, but at least he has that — Erwin’s smiles. 

“You take such good care of me, Levi. I don’t know what I did to deserve that.”

“Don’t be stupid. I’m merely trying to make sure you don’t kill yourself working so hard. The Survey Corps needs you.” 

“Do they,” whispers Erwin, so low that Levi wouldn’t have heard it if he wasn’t sitting so close to him — when did he get so close? 

They’ve done this a hundred times, sitting together quietly in the middle of the night, drinking tea, taking comfort in each other’s presence. But tonight — tonight feels different. Erwin is looking at him now, and there’s something in his eyes, something desperate almost, and Levi can’t look away, no matter how hard he tries. 

“And what about you, Levi? What do you need?” 

I need you, he thinks. I need only you, if you only knew, Erwin. But it’s Erwin Smith, and he’s merely Levi, just Levi, so he answers instead:

“I don’t need anything. You’ve already given me so much, Erwin. I mean — the Corps, they’ve given me so much. They’ve given me a purpose, I guess. I mean, I was nothing before, I was — I was just a scrawny rat from the Underground, and now I — I guess I know why I fight, and that’s something, right? That’s enough.”

Yes, that’s enough, he thinks. It’s more than most have, really. At least he has a purpose. He kills titans. It’s better than to rot in the Underground, away from the sunlight, waiting to either be gutted in the streets or to simply wither away in the darkness. It’s enough. He can be content with being on the surface. And even if he sometimes indulges in dreaming about being more — well, that’s just dreams, isn’t it? Everybody has them, it’s a human thing, and he’s human, after all. God, he’s only human. 

“But you deserve so much more than just fighting, Levi. You don’t know, do you? Goddamn, you have no idea.”

Erwin is close, he’s so close Levi could count his eyelashes, and they’re so blond and thick, framing his piercing blue eyes, and  — when did he get so close? Levi can barely move, and suddenly he can’t stand it. He really should get out of here before he embarrasses himself, even more, so he stands up abruptly, nearly toppling down the table and the cups because he has no idea how to do this — whatever this may be.

But Erwin stands up too, towering over him — Fuck, why does that man have to be so tall? And he’s looking at Levi, but Levi keeps his eyes away from him, fixed on the floor, away from Erwin’s gaze, because he knows that if he looks up, he’ll —

“Levi... look at me,” asks Erwin, gently, oh so gently. “Please,” he adds.

So Levi obeys.

And the moment he does, he’s lost. Utterly, completely, and unconditionally. 

Darling | NSFW

[m-jelly]

Oml your requests are open now yes. How about a Levi x reader fic where the reader used to work with Kenny since she the only one that survived the cave and stuff. She somehow is enrolled in the scouts and the reader can't stand Levi at first but eventually she falls in love with him realizing how much he's actually caring to people. Thank you!

You got it!

Knowing you

Pairing: Levi x reader

Genre and tags: Canon world, romance, falling in love, fluff, enemies to lovers, character growth, scarred reader.

Concept: You are signed up to the scouts after being the only survivor in Kenny's gang. At first, you can't stand Levi because he killed your friends and boss, but as time goes on you discover that Levi is caring and losing Kenny was devastating to him too. You slowly fall for the Captain and how soft he is on the inside. While you fight and slowly fall for Levi, Levi has been holding onto romantic feelings for you all this time, which is why it hurts when you reject him so much.

You slammed your hands down on your sink in anger. You looked up at yourself to see the long scar across your face. You gripped the sink tightly as you fought your rage. You were in pain physically and emotionally at everything Levi had done. He'd let Kenny die and all your friends, then acted nice to you and expected you to be nice back, but you couldn't.

You left your room and went about your business. Due to Erwin giving you a chance after everything, you'd been asked to be part of the scout tactic team because you were skilled at moving and organising the team you used to have. You were happy to plan and help out because you wanted the titans to all die as well.

You mostly admired Hange. You had a bond with them that would be difficult for anyone to break. You would follow them to the ends of the earth and you regretted them getting hurt in the cave. You stayed close to them, but that meant seeing Levi a few times. You thought it was because they liked Levi a lot, but what you didn't know is Levi visited to see you. Levi liked you.

You sat alone in the mess hall in the dark with only candlelight giving illumination. You'd been working all day and now you were tired. Your tiredness was from working and emotional. You'd been angry for so long and you were feeling the drain.

You heard footsteps getting closer. You knew it was Levi and you really didn't have the energy to shout, ignore or fight with him. You looked over at him as he walked into the mess hall. You watched him go to the drinks area, then approach you with a pot of tea and two cups.

You let out a long sigh. "You are determined to be my friend."

Levi sat down. "I'm determined to get along." He poured you a cup of tea and handed it over. "Truce?"

You stared at his pleading look in the candlelight. You felt guilt seep into you. You took the cup from him. "Thanks."

Levi watched you for a while before he spoke. "How are you doing? It's a lot to move to the scouts and watch people be eaten by titans."

You shrugged. "I'd rather see mindless killing beasts kill people than humans killing humans if I'm honest."

"You're right." He frowned a little. "What did Kenny mean to you?"

You gripped your cup. "He helped me out of a shitty life. What was he to you? You seemed to hate him."

Levi looked down with a dark look on his face. "He raised me for a few years, then he abandoned me and I never understood why. I was left all alone and I felt like people didn't want me and never would." He rubbed a tear away. "Turns out, that piece of shit is my uncle, my mother's brother. He told me as he died that he left me alone because he didn't think he was a good parent. I was abandoned because he lacked confidence."

You felt guilt seep in. "I'm sorry."

He smiled a little and shrugged. "Not much I can do now that he's dead."

"I didn't know he..."

"Did you know he was a murderer?" Levi stared at you. "Did you know he murdered countless people for fun? You followed a man who killed people."

You got up so fast your seat dragged across the floor. "I have to leave."

Levi grabbed your wrist. "Wait." He gripped tightly. "I'm sorry. You didn't know."

You looked down at Levi. "I didn't."

"Sit with me, please."

You locked eyes with Levi and saw how lonely he was, you felt just the same as he did. You sat down and smiled. "Sure."

"You know, that's the first time I've ever seen you smile. It's nice."

You blushed a little. "Shut up."

"Tch, brat."

You hummed a laugh. "I have been a bit of a brat, huh?"

Levi smiled softly at you making your heart race. You both talked all night long and started a small friendship. Levi would always come and find you. You'd spend every night drinking tea and talking until you both got tired. You started looking out for Levi instead of avoiding him. You craved his company.

You started to notice that your feelings went from hate to love. You began avoiding Levi because you didn't want your feelings to get in the way of your job and his. The wonderful nights you spent in the mess hall stopped. You would run off and hide in different places you knew Levi wouldn't check, but he was catching up with you.

You hid up on the roof one night and lay under the stars. You groaned a little as your thought about Levi. You liked him and he made your heart feel healed, but you didn't want to be the one who got in the way between him and his work. You knew Levi had lost so many people he cared about, so you didn't want to add to that.

"Oi?"

You jumped and looked upside down at Levi. "Levi!"

He sat down next to you, then lay back. "Nice spot."

You looked over at him and blushed. "Y-Yes."

"You've been avoiding me."

You gulped hard. "Sorry."

He looked over at you. "Mind explaining why?"

You put your hands to your closed eyes. "I don't want to lie to you Levi. We've been honest with each other for a while. I am avoiding you because I've fallen in love with you. I don't want to get in the way of your job. I know you don't love me back. So, I thought it was best for me to stay away."

Levi reached over and held your hand. "Why are you making this choice? Why is it that we can't be together? Do you even ask how I feel?" He looked over at you. "Damn it brat. I love you as well. I've loved you for a while. Why do you think I've been so nice to you? I don't have tea with anyone else but you. I adore you."

You looked over at Levi. "Levi, I don't want to get in your way."

"You won't. You're strong and capable. We'll get through this together. Please, don't avoid me anymore because one second without you is torture."

You leaned over and kissed him. "You know, I'm glad I worked for Kenny because I got to meet you."

Levi smiled and shuffled closer to you. "Me too."

[innocentimouto]

Do you think it was hypocritical of Levi to tell Eren "Don't let your feelings get in the way" and then five minutes later get sentimental and choose Armin because of, as he later admitted, his own reasons?

Anon, I doubt this was the answer you were expecting, but I don't think Levi would have chosen Armin at all unless it was because Isayama wanted Armin to have a big moment of being passed a mantle...

But answering your question, I don't think it was hypocritical, because despite wanting to chase after Zeke, he stopped to save Armin. Eren brings up Levi hesitating, but the fact that Levi even stopped for Armin and didn't focus on Zeke speaks more to responsibility than emotion to me.

When Mikasa is about to attack Floch, instead of using that moment to retaliate, or kick her off, Levi reacts to save Floch.

Having feelings is one thing. Letting them get in the way is another. They were soldiers. They swore to serve humanity. Levi had years of experience dealing with this, and he knew Eren was just a teenager who cared about his friends.

It's an unpopular opinion, I know, but the whole thing of either Erwin or Armin doesn't do much for me because it advances nothing about Erwin or Armin's character. We already knew Armin was intelligent. Erwin could have died in the suicide charge anyway.

Both Hange and Levi saying Armin wasn't the right choice only further makes me question why the scene even happened. It would have been the same if Armin got the injection and then they found out Erwin was alive too late. Or Erwin just died in the charge.

Armin being chosen didn't say anything new about him, didn't add to his character, didn't add to Erwin's character. It was an emotional episode, but that's about it for me.

Also why Armin survived against all odds makes me dislike that scene even more. I doubt even an Ackerman would survive what he experienced.

And Levi not choosing Erwin has never made sense to me, except that Isayama wanted Armin to take Erwin's place. I've heard all the reasons for Armin over Erwin, and none of them are points I think work, especially when by the time Armin gets the title of commander, it's sort of meaningless.

But getting to the point of Levi letting Erwin die is just against Levi's established character about doing everything for humanity. Levi was adamant that Erwin stay behind because humanity needed him. Just because Erwin was ridden with guilt doesn't mean the cure is death. Levi, no doubt, was exhausted himself. But he would never allow someone to let him die without fulfilling his goal of serving humanity.

Allowing Erwin to rest is problematic because it can be used for anyone dying. They're all exhausted, guilty, and traumatized. This was the first time we saw Erwin be vulnerable. Humans bounce back from a lot. Mikasa bounced back in season 1 when she thought Eren died.

Mikasa. I think it's one of the more powerful themes of the anime. The tenacity of humanity, to always push through despite all the pain and loss.

It would be more powerful for Erwin to have survived, discover his father was right, and then lead Paradis on the nearly impossible mission of defending itself against the world. That would surely make up for all the lives lost in his eyes.

And then someone could have told him that he wasn't a monster, and he wasn't selfish I'm so mad he died thinking so negatively about himself you could have at least let him have hope and believe in himself and then kill him off.

[universallychaoticpan]

hey hey, i hope you’re feeling ok, i know a lot is going on and its tough, but hopefully we can all get through this together. 💗

on another note, i was wondering if you would mind writing a part 2 of the parental levi x reader? i found it super endearing and sweet. im not sure what base to follow so ill give you creative liberty.

once again i hope you’re ok and that you have a lovely day.

Hello, and thank you; I hope you're doing well yourself :)

And I wouldn't mind at all. On the contrary, really; I've been a bit low on ideas lately and requests are fun to write so I hope you enjoy. Also sorry this took so long my week has been absolute insanity lol

<333

"You," he sighed, "have a strange penchant for injuring yourself." As if to prove his point, Levi pressed the warm rag against the raw skin of the nasty gash tearing over your shoulder. "This'll leave a scar when it heals so-"

"So I'll look even more badasss?"

Stopping, you turned to meet his dark eyes, his un-amused face challenging your smirk.

"I mean it, y/n, you can't keep being this reckless with your life."

You shrugged, wincing as the motion reminded you of your still open skin. "I think commander Erwin would disagree; heart and lives for the cause and all that."

"I don't care what commander Erwin thinks; somehow, against all my better judgement I care about you and I won't let you die that easily. So let go of your damn death wish before it actually ends up killing you because I swear y/n, death itself won't be able to save you from me if you go and die. Now hold still, I need to stitch this up."

For once, you listened; you sat in the patch of later afternoon sun that stretched across the wooden floor, wincing as you felt the stitches pulling your skin back together. And the more you sat, Levi's hands moving from your back over your shoulder and around to your collarbone, the more you felt a melancholy gratitude growing inside of you. His careful movements almost brought you to tears; when his skin slipped across yours, gingerly and gentle, it made you feel as though something were breaking inside you. Like gold was now spilling from the cracks opening, chasms of light splitting your heart as the comfort of Levi's presence healed more than just your battered body.

And as for Levi himself, he found that he quite enjoyed the natural rhythm you had found; he liked how you shifted before he told you he needed you to, and how you seemed to adjust your body to his slightest movement without a word. He liked how the silence in the room was nowhere near prickly; it was a simple pleasure to listen to the sounds of your breathing and the rustle of the breeze through the open window as summer slid its way inside. When he finally looked at your face again, though, he felt his heart drop. There were tears in your eyes and rolling down the soft swells of your cheeks. He had thought you'd be ok with the pain so he didn't think to ask if you were alright and now you were crying and dammit this was what he got for trying to help you.

Instead of moving away from him, though, like he thought you would, you let yourself sink into him; you let your body relax into his, your breathing evening out as your head landed on his chest. There didn't need to be anything romantic about it; it was easy and sweet and he found that it didn't scare him as much as he thought it would when he pulled your sheets over your legs. You were asleep in seconds, your body slung over his as he rested against the wall, trailing his hands over the pristine white covers. It would have been so easy to leave then; to slip out and go on with his day and then see you whenever you decided to wake up.

But he didn't.

He stayed and closed his eyes and while he was not intending to sleep, he was content to enjoy the peace of the day. He was simply enjoying you.

///

It went without saying that Hange had no intention of waking you when they stumbled upon you both later.

Of course, it also goes without saying that they summoned a very amused commander Erwin in the next ten seconds.

And finally, neither needed to say a word about two things: one, that they would never mention to Levi what they had seen. And two...

they were happy to see him that way. They were happy you had given that to him. And they were happy that there was still someone in the world who could offer that.

[spilledsinnamontea]

As a Levihan, one thing I disagree with in your analysis is that Levi's vision of humanity is taken so lightly and reduced to the simple fact that the reason for staying in SC is more about loving the "fresh air". But it shouldn't be so simplistic about why Levi stayed in the SC and why he cares so much about humanity (especially when he is the heart of humanity and the SC). And let's not forget that he himself chose to stay in SC because he realized that as someone who has always tried to use his power for others, it was the best place to use it for the greater good, for the future.

He wanted to believe in a world where all death and tragedy could have purpose and meaning, and where there would be no needless senseless suffering. So he chose to stay and follow Erwin as his guide. It was for the cause of humanity, much more than for Erwin and the fresh air outside. Someone who put his mission ahead of his personal feelings just for that, and even for that he sacrificed Erwin (S3 uprising arc) Hange (Shiganshina arc) (something most shippers ignore)

I don't know I'm a shipper myself but one thing I've noticed is that people downgrade his purpose or his character and underestimate his vision for humanity just because of the favorites they ship with him. They even say that he doesn't care about humanity as much as he thinks he does.

Finally, about the threat to break Erwin's legs, it's not so much that he's worried that something will happen to him, it's that he thinks he's vital for humanity to win. That's why he asks him to wait for them here.

Hello, thank you for sharing me your thought regarding my analysis!

I knew when I wrote my last post, someone was going to disagree with how I see Levi as a character. I was probably not explaining it clearly enough, but it was not my intention to water down his motivation. I mean I think I did write in that post that he does care for humanity.

“Again, he didn't have a grand reason to fight in the first place, and so he just wanted to do what he thought was good: to lend all his strength to help humanity.”

Levi is complex and often misunderstood, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that he’s also simple. What I want to highlight is that Levi does not need any big motivation for his stay in SC. He stays because he feels it’s a good thing to do. Especially since he knows his strength will be a great help. Granted I was wrong for only saying that he only cares for the fresh air in the beginning, but I’m not saying it to discredit his dedication to the corps. I just want to highlight that he willingly risked his life just for a simple wish of breathing fresh air (and sharing it with people in the walls). His simplicity is what makes him kind.

I agree with you about Levi wanting to live in a world free of all suffering. Throughout his life he watched many people die (his mother, Kenny, Furlan, Isabel, his squad, etc), and so of course he did not want to see any more of that. But I both agree and disagree with your point about him putting his mission ahead of his personal feelings. I do know that he’s a person who puts duty above everything, but at the same time I don’t think he saw their death as something that he had to sacrifice.

To me, Levi is a quiet character with a loud and deep inner self. He thinks and reflects a lot, which is why he's careful with his actions. He thinks before he speaks and he keeps a lot of things inside of him. He might not show it, but he thinks and cares about his comrades. Therefore, I think he saw their death more as something that he had no way to prevent. Despite his feelings, he didn’t have any choice but to let them die because he also knew that it was the only way to save many more lives.

I’m not saying that I thought you were implying that Levi did not care for Erwin and Hange. I understand what you meant by “putting mission above his personal feelings (toward his comrades)”. But IMO, Levi can be both devoted to humanity and also devoted to his friends. It’s his dilemma, because, despite everything, his compassion is ever so present in his character.

This reminds me of how he eventually decided to save Armin instead of Erwin. I think deep inside he believed that Erwin is the “right” person to save because his charisma and tactical brilliance would help humanity down the line. However, at the same time, he also understood Erwin’s struggle, and so out of compassion for him, he decided to let Erwin rest.

The same goes for how I see his threat to Erwin. Yes, he knew how valuable Erwin was for humanity, and so he thought it was better for him to stay. However, we are talking about Levi who has seen many deaths around him. I like to think that he probably wants to prevent Erwin’s death if he could. I mean, he lost one of his hands, so his chance of survival was for sure low.

In my previous post, I was trying to focus on his relationships. Which is why I wrote it the way it was. But well in doing so I might had neglected some details which could lead to some misunderstanding.

Well, I’m not very active in the levihan fandom, but as far as my mutuals here, I never once see anyone say that he doesn’t care for humanity.

But I do understand your complaint. There are many people in the fandom and so there are different interpretations regarding dynamics and characters. I of course don’t agree with some of those takes, but I just roll with it I guess. I see it as part of the fandom experience. We can’t control what other people post anyway.

I mean, as long as they have fun with the characters and their dynamics, even if I disagree with their takes, who am I to tell them they are wrong? Shipping is supposed to be fun, right?

Not only that, certain aspects of characters might resonate differently with different people. Some people might like him for his loyalty, some for his strength, some for his dedication, and some for his dry sense of humour. And for me, it was certainly his kindness, his compassion, and his big heart that made me like his character in the first place. So I like to focus on that aspect of his characters.

Again, this is just my interpretation of his character, I understand if you disagree with me. We are human after all with different views and opinions.

I also hope I didn’t come across as rude or angry 😅 I do appreciate your input as it helps me realise the flaws in my analysis

[cosmicjoke]

I was flipping through "No Regrets" again today, and it really astonishes me how much Levi cared about the well being of these people who he just met and who, initially, treated him, Furlan and Isabel like they were trash.

Like, the story opens up with Levi leading Erwin and Mike away from the other two, a high speed chase ensuing through the streets of the Underground in which he has to make numerous, dangerous maneuvers to try and shake them off his tail, and when he thinks he's finally lost them, he looks back and comments aloud "That got a little crazy. I hope none of them crashed." These are two people that, as far as Levi knows, mean him nothing but ill intent, at the very least to arrest him and his family, and he's worried about them getting hurt. That's crazy. I literally don't know how anyone can see moments like this from Levi and not understand how innately kind and compassionate he is.

Or how he later saves another soldier from impaling himself on one of the dummy titans of the obstacle course, this directly after this same soldier put Levi's own life at risk by purposefully cutting him off mid-flight, out of nothing but petty jealousy for being better than him on the ODM gear.

Or how later, Erwin tells Levi that with him around, the other soldiers must feel safer, and Levi responds with the admission that the only reason he was able to take out his first titan was because he was able to watch how it moved while it ate another soldier. Levi obviously feels guilty about this, he feels bad about having needed to let another person die in order to figure out how to fight against titans. He feels like he failed, even though, through that observation and subsequent taking down of the titan, he doubtless saved many more lives. There's no pride there, no feeling of accomplishment. He's focused instead on the guilt he feels in being unable to save everyone. And we have to remember, these are people that Levi doesn't even know and who, again, for the most part have treated him and his family horribly up to this point. He has no reason other than his own, innate compassion to feel bad about this.

There's also Levi's statement to Furlan about why he doesn't want to teach anyone any of his skills, because he doesn't want to be "responsible for any more lives", which tells us of course that Levi already feel responsible, already he's weighed down by a sense of obligation and guilt at not being able to protect all of them, and the reason he doesn't want to teach anyone anything is because he's afraid it will just lead to further failure on his part to adequately do so.

And finally, Levi's genuine concern and consideration toward Flagon and the other Scouts safety before he separates from Furlan and Isabel to go after Erwin. Again, Flagon in particular had been nothing but nasty toward Levi, but Levi weighs his life as much as anything when determining whether to take his friends with him, or go alone.

I really don't think people consider these things enough when judging Levi's own, initial reasoning for joining the SC. This inherent sense of obligation he's always had toward others, toward using his strength to help others. We see it in how he took both Furlan and Isabel under his wing and cared for them; in how he tried to make their dreams come true, that being the initial reason he went along with Furlan's plans, despite his own ambivalence. But we also see it in the way he cares about the lives of men and women he barely knows, who are, essentially, strangers to him, and ones who aren't particularly welcoming toward him either. We see this same behavior from Levi later in the main story of AoT, when the citizens of Trost are harassing and ragging on him and the SC for not doing anything for them, and in the midst of this harassment, Levi saves one of the men's lives when he kicks him out of the way of an oncoming carriage, and later goes so far out of his way to help all of them by propositioning Deemo Reeves. Levi didn't personally owe these people anything, but he saw their suffering, and he couldn't abide it. This really is just an innate quality of Levi's, the need to protect and help others, displayed in what amounts to a natural, knee-jerk reaction when someone is in some sort of peril, no matter how they've previously treated him.

I think this goes back to that quote from Isayama which I made a post about before, about the reason Levi came to the surface. It's because he was seeking a way to help others. Once he realized he could, that he could use his strength to others benefit, he was always looking for ways to do so, and that manifests in Levi's efforts and feelings toward a group of soldiers whom he barely knows and who have treated him poorly. He's got no cause to want to help these people, and in fact starts out with plenty of reasons to hate them, and yet, he helps them anyway. To me, that says everything about Levi's character, about how, even if he didn't initially join the Survey Corps with the intent to "fight for humanity", he still joined because of a natural inclination toward wanting to help others. Furlan and Isabel, yes, but everyone else too. Even in his attempts to distance himself and not care, he simply couldn't help it. That's really the definition, in my book, of genuine, inner kindness. Someone who makes no conscious effort to be good, or kind, or helpful, but just simply is. Levi isn't like this, and doesn't do these things, to make himself feel good. In fact, his desire to help others very often leads to his own inner grief and turmoil, actively causing him pain. He doesn't do it out of some desire to seek glory or recognition, or to tout his virtue. He doesn't do it out of a need to settle any sort of debt, or because he owes anyone anything, or even for the goal of some altruistic concept like saving humanity. He does it because he just, genuinely cares. The obligation he feels to helps others is just a part of his personality.

And I think it's important too, to understand what Levi knew of the SC before being pressed into its service, and how that also needs to be taken into consideration when analyzing Levi's motivations in coming to the surface. Though his initial reason for going into the SC was to help his friends, and not specifically for the cause of saving humanity, (though Levi's reason for joining the SC was precisely to save humanity, when Erwin asks him to stay and do just that) I don't think that at all disproves or undermines the altruistic quality of Levi's intentions, nor does it say anything about Levi's desire to help others in general. I think Levi's natural response toward the other soldiers in the SC, after he first joined, is plenty proof enough that, consciously or not, he always wanted to help as many people as he could.

One has to remember also that Levi's relationship and understanding of the military up to the time before he was pulled from the Underground was a purely negative one. His only experience with the military was with that of the Military Police, a group of corrupt law enforcers who regularly harassed and terrorized the people of the Underground, or any person deemed to be on the wrong side of the King's dictates. Levi knew nothing of what the Survey Corps stood for, then, what their motivation was, what their goal was. He knew they fought titans, but even so, he had no real context for understanding what that meant. He didn't really even know what a titan was. In Levi's mind, the members of the SC would have been interchangeable with the MPs. The military was corrupt, and it attracted people who were corrupt and even sadistic.

Further solidifying this impression in him would have been his treatment at their hands when he, Furlan and Isabel were first caught. Erwin treated Levi inhumanely, and forced all of them into service under the threat of arrest and possibly torture and death at the hands of the Military Police. Erwin also had his underlings hold their swords to Furlan's and Isabel's necks, clearly threatening their lives, telling Levi the inhumane treatment would be applied to his friends if he didn't cooperate. So this notion that Levi not initially joining the Survey Corps to save humanity is some sort of proof that he had no real aspirations to help others when he first joined makes little sense to me. He couldn't have joined the SC at that time out of a desire to save humanity, or to help others, because he had no way of knowing at the time that's what the SC endeavored toward. No matter his personal desire to use his strength to help others, it would never have crossed his mind that joining the Survey Corps would be an option for realizing that goal.

Further, Levi was living in the Underground, was a permanent resident of the Underground, and very much what one would deem a second class citizen, trapped in a place of little to no opportunity for bettering ones situation, let alone the situation of others. There was no avenue open to him of joining any government organization, for any reason. He literally had no rights in this regard. He wasn't recruited, and he didn't volunteer. He was pressed into service under threat of imprisonment, torture and death. So, again, to say that Levi's initial reasoning for joining the SC is somehow evidence of him not at first wanting to help others is, in my view, a false sentiment. Levi wanted to help others, he just didn't have a whole lot of options for doing so, and the Suvery Corps, to him, at the time, was just another corrupt branch of the government looking to exploit poor people. Not what anyone coming from his perspective would deem a worthy organization for lending his strength to.

He only came to that belief later, only began to view the Survey Corps as a worthy cause for him to lend his strength and efforts to after Erwin gives him his whole, grand speech about fighting for humanity and giving meaning to the deaths of Furlan and Isabel in the process.

Again, I think it's important to acknowledge this in particular in order to understand Levi's psychology here. It's not that he didn't care about helping people when he first joined the SC, (again, there's plenty of evidence from his actions and behavior in "No Regrets" to prove otherwise) it's that he simply didn't ever consider the SC as a viable option for doing so. He never dreamed of "saving humanity" because it was all he could do, while living in the Underground, to simply care for the two people he had under his protection. He later came to think otherwise because of Erwin, of course, and that's when he officially joined, with the intent to use his strength toward that cause, when he began to believe he could use his strength to benefit numerous people, and so that's what he did, a natural extension of his innate compassion.

Anyway, Jesus, that got long like all of my posts, lol. I was just planning on writing a little about this, but as usual, I got carried away.

[littlerequiem]

— you honor them by living ˚⁎⁺ a character study of levi ackerman

Day 6: Sleep/Rest for Levi Week 2023 - A story that explores what sleep represents for Levi's character. Written for @leviweek2023. Cross posted on AO3.

content — gen fic, canon-compliant violence & character deaths, manga spoilers, angst, insomnia, ptsd, an exploration of levi with a happy ending (wc: 1k)

Levi never slept more than two hours at a time.

His insomnia began shortly after his mother’s death, when Kenny plucked him out of his childhood and placed a knife in his hands. His uncle took him under his wing there and then, and showed him how to survive in the Underground. 

“Trust ya gut, runt. Always,” Kenny once told him.  

And Levi learned the rules: 

Sleep only for a few hours. 

Sleep with one eye open. 

Sleep with a weapon tucked under a pillow. 

And no matter what, don't look back. 

These were hard and unforgiving rules Levi had to abide to, but it was what was required to survive.

And survive Levi did. 

He sharpened his skills. He made a name for himself. He found a group of people he cared about—a family of sorts.

Until one day, Levi escaped the sewers of the Underground and felt the warm rays of the sun on his skin for the first time in his life. 

But life above the surface would prove to remain sleepless for Levi, just as barren as the darkness of his past. Erwin offered him a hand that pulled him out of the Underground, only to place another knife in Levi’s hands. 

Levi turned that weapon towards a new cause.

And soon, Levi became the beating heart of the Survey Corps.

Humanity’s Strongest—a promise to eradicate the titans no matter what. Levi’s strength, which had saved him and his friends below ground, suddenly became hope for thousands.  

(Levi's wings were the real thing after all.)

And still, despite this newfound purpose, that title would prove to be a heavy burden to bear.

The burden to survive.

The burden to watch people die. 

The burden to give meaning to those deaths.

Dedicate your heart, right?

Piece by piece, Levi did just that. He gave and gave, ripping so much of himself to give respite to Humanity.

Which is why, in all his years as a soldier within the Scout Regiment, sleep was not something Levi could afford to make time for. Despite the luxury of having his own bed, the Captain never found refuge in the wisps of dreams. Instead, he rested any way he knew how—reclined in a chair, a weapon always close-by, sleeping for a few hours at a time.

(Always ready for a fight.)

That was the way of life. It's what would prove to be his to live through for the decade to come. 

And all the while, he watched those he cared about slip through his fingers, despite his best attempts to save them. Furlan and Isabel, his squad, Kenny, Erwin, Hange. All of them, gone in a heartbeat of a moment, leaving Levi behind to live through the rest of the story alone.  

Scars, both physical and mental, lingered on his weathered body. Levi endured, wondering what would await him at the end of all things.

Until one day, that end found him.

Because the fight is over now. His role in that story is finished.

And what happens at the end of it all, once the fight is over?

As it so happens, sometimes, peace is found.

“Captain, we got the croissants,” a familiar voice calls out to him in between the realms of dreams and sleep. Levi stirs, but doesn't move to open his eye.

“Shut up, Connie, you're going to wake him up. Let's just prepare lunch while he sleeps.” This time, Levi recognizes the voice. It's Jean, expressing disapproval. "Onyankopon will be here any minute now."

"I was quiet as a bird, I swear!" Connie then retorts.

A scoff. "You're quiet as a bear, you mean."

"Shh you two..."

"Shh yourself!"

"Oi. I'm awake, you brats," Levi drawls at last, because he knows better than to expect quiet at this point. Despite the rebuttal, there's a note of affection etched at the back of his words.

Brats. Levi still calls those shitty kids like that, even after all this time.

As he straightens from the hamak that hangs in his back garden, the face of Armin, Jean and Connie blink at him, something sheepish to the way they stare at their Captain. Despite being fully grown adults, they still treat his words like the gospel of an older family member.

Levi studies them for a moment, watching them stand next to the rosebush he trimmed just this morning.

Armin looks every bit the Commander, making both Hange and Erwin proud. Jean looks serene, like he found peace with the family he created. And Connie looks happy, that same spark of contagious fire still sparkling bright.

Levi sighs and stares upwards at the sky, clouds of endless white swirling up in the blue vastness greet him back. It reminds him of his friends, of those he lost in the past, and the legacy he carries by living.

It's strange, to feel a sense of serenity at this thought, at the memories of his past. Perhaps that's what being old does to the mind.

For the peace he found in his new life allows him to sleep between soft duvets. He's still a light sleeper (that part will probably never change) but Levi's found happiness in this quiet life. He can have a full night's sleep now, and not need a weapon within reach.

For Levi now tends to his tea shop, like he always dreamed he would. He gardens and grows his own vegetables. He enjoys strolls near the sea. He has a cat, which loves to follow him around the house. He has people he cares about and who care about him back.

And remembering all of this, Levi settles back in the hamak, which swings under his weight. Armin, Jean and Connie continue to talk quietly as they set the table for the dinner that is to ensue, where everyone Levi knows is invited to attend.

And while they work towards that, Levi gets to rest.

The faintest hint of a smile settles on Levi's lips as he closes his eyes again. Levi enjoys the sunshine found on this delicate spring day.

He can almost sense the presence of the ghosts of his past, watching him with pride.

Never forgotten, but cherished.

And the promises of tomorrow bloom just over the horizon.

Song Insp: Memories by Danny Elfman (from the movie Black Beauty).

— Masterlist

[leviiattacks]

May I request a Levi x Reader angst fic? Just barely any fluff, mostly angst going on lol. The reader is a traitor, formaly working for Marley, but betraying them in secret and putting their loyalty on Paradis. The reader is also a shifter and married to Levi for a couple of years. That love and care however is gone once readers identity is found. He truly despises them, insults them, maybe a bit violent with them, and outright tells them that they mean nothing to him anymore and hate them to bits. Readers punishment is to hand over her titan to Erwin, and they agree instantly, broken over everything, believing its all their fault. Once Erwin inherits Readers titan, he breaks down and screams, crying, because Reader was innocent the whole time. They never betrayed Paradis. Never killed anyone, never harmed anyone. They finaly know why they betrayed Marley, the abuse being to much for them, enough to just leave them behind for Paradis. Just... loving and caring as they all saw them. But now the damage is done. They wont come back, they're dead, believing that they died, hated and despised, with no one to mourn their death. Everyone regrets everything.

author note :: i was thinking of leaving this in my drafts but i already wrote it and may as well post it. it didn’t end up going the way i hoped but yeah i hope it’s ok anon. anyways ANGST. ANGST, ANGST. as always i love feed back :-) ⟹ all of the headings with the years are just meant to mean it’s a different moment from that year so those moments don’t happen right after each other i hope that makes sense!! word count :: 7.2k warnings :: canon typical violence, death

845, i.

Everything is falling in place when it shouldn't.

Sun never makes itself known in Liberio yet here it is shining down onto the bustling streets. You half expect for it to crash down and burn into the hundreds of civilians going about their daily business yet nothing of the sort happens. It's typical sunlight and you curse yourself silently for your sinister thoughts.

Secretly the voice at the back of your mind still whispers frantically but you don't wish to hear what it has to say. Instead you choose to drown it out with the sound of Zeke's voice. Finally deciding to pay attention to what it is he's been droning on about for the past ten minutes.

"Soon, soon, soon." He sighs dreamily looking a little delirious.

"Soon?"

Your question catches him off guard, he lightly shoves you with his elbow scoffing in annoyance.

"Did you sit here to not even listen to me?" He turns to take a sip of whisky and the hearty gulp he chugs shows his mild irritation. You assume he's been rambling on about Marley's plan to infiltrate Paradis. You have to admit that the idea of destroying those demons from the inside is amazingly well thought out. However it's all he's been able to discuss for the entire week now and frankly you're getting a little exhausted of it.

"I zoned out..." Quietly placing your glass back down onto the wooden counter you sigh closing your eyes. It's too early to be drinking and you don't trust Zeke enough to slip into ignorance and leave yourself vulnerable. Men are to not be trusted, especially Eldian men. The thought of Eldians triggers your flight of fight response, you want to shrivel up into a cocoon and never come out until the world is rid of the monsters. The lowest of the low, the dirt in between the crevices of Marleyan soldier's boots. That is what Eldian's are.

It's ironic coming from you, your entire family labelled as undesirable Eldians yourself but you, you know you're different. An honorary Marleyan is what you will become. What you are. The treacherous imps who are but an ocean away are the true evil.

Eyes flicking to Zeke he's lighting a cigar. Old habits die hard and he's yet to quit this self destructive custom of his. You couldn't care less if he chooses to cut his lifespan short by ten years, it's his own choice to make. A disgusting cowardly choice but it's a choice fit for an untamed man like him.

The Island Devils are said to be the bad apples but you can't help but stare at your fellow citizens from time to time and wonder what it is they could be hiding. If a demon slipped through the cracks you wouldn't be surprised. Sly in nature, persuasive in tone, that is how devils go about their daily lives alone The hymns they drilled into you all the way through elementary school echo and rebound in your mind.

Locking your bitter thoughts away you have to push yourself to not punt Zeke in the mouth when he teasingly blows a puff of hot smoke into your face.

Fingertips grazing with his he freezes at the sudden contact giving you the perfect opportunity to slip his cigar away and take it in between your lips. You allow for it to linger there but you aren't foolish enough to inhale its contents.

"Zeke, my dear friend. We shall soon be met with the fruits of our own labour but I assure you that discussing Marley's plan constantly will be of no benefit for you nor I."

The day you and Zeke had met had been at warrior training camp. Zeke was a miserable, unmotivated oaf. Always tripping and falling behind the rest of the warrior cadets. You felt rather bad for him, if you were born as unskilled as him you don't know what you would have made of yourself. Zeke, the only child of his parents ironically only ever ended up rising through the ranks after handing them over to the Marleyan government. His father and mother had been conspiring an escape plan but were executed immediately alongside their fellow team members once Zeke had outted them. Unexpectedly he was spared, the fact he turned on his own parents showed where his loyalties were. To his surprise, he was even allowed to continue his training with the other warriors - only this time everyone kept an increased distance away from him. The warriors weren't informed of what he had actually done but everyone had a gut feeling. Everyone apart from you stuck with that feeling. You thought strategically, If he were to become an enemy in the future you knew being close would come at your advantage.

The day you and Zeke had met your mother died, his mother passed away the same day. At least that's what he had told you.

The two of you bonded over the little things, told each other stories about your life at home. Reminisced about what it was you missed.

Then it all came crashing down the day Zeke confessed. The day he told you he killed his mother and father by handing them over to Marley. Your knees buckled underneath you, crashing the floor he tried to grab at you but you thrashed around in retaliation kicking and screaming not understanding why he did what he did. Yes, they were traitors but they were his parents and if the monster had the nerve to turn on the people who gave birth to him who's to say he wouldn't do the same to you or to Marley.

Zeke doesn't know it but ever since then you take the opportunity to sneak the occasional glance at him. Every single time you narrow your eyes in malice. If there's a man in Liberio who you don't trust in the slightest it's him, he must think the feud between the two of you from childhood has been put at rest but it hasn't.

Zeke takes another swig of his alcohol. On this occasion he downs it entirely slamming the glass down with vigour.

"ONE MORE GLASS BARTENDER!"

846, i.

Another day of extensive training is about to end, your back is layered in uncomfortable layers of sweat and the same can be said for your forehead. Kneeling down in the under layer of the forest you're hidden waiting to strike. Going up against the elites is nerve-wracking but you're sure you can pull it off so long as you stay calm during this game of hunters against prey.

It's simple enough if you can conceal yourself and stay out of sight. The robust trees that surround you act as decent enough camouflage and your green cape paired with them lets you veil yourself, keeping you further into the foreground, blending into the environment.

No one will be able to catch you if they can't see you.

All of a sudden your previous thoughts are thrown away when you sense something in the atmosphere has changed, the hissing of the wind behind you isn't natural.

Turning to your side you don't bother to cover up the sound of leaves rustling and branches cracking, your priority is slipping away fast enough to hide again, a tug can be felt at your cloak and your reaction time barely covers for you, your gear fastens itself to a low enough tree branch and the descent is mind numbing. Your breakfast churns in your stomach but you ignore the uneasy feeling, leaping and diving wherever you find a small enough gap. You believe you can outrun your huntsman.

That is until you sneak a glance back and your muscles nearly tense up in pure astonishment, you've been kicked in the teeth just by the man's presence. Captain, Levi slinks behind you weaving through the gaps with increasing speed, he's gaining momentum and all the while his face stays relaxed, this isn't even his full effort.

Terrified you dart upwards and then left, a corner comes into view - Levi should assume you've turned into it and so you rashly choose to dart back down. Much to your hard luck you find that his senses are well adapted, the direction of the wind is enough for him to trace your whereabouts.

The pursuit resumes, and he stays disturbingly relentless.

Arm shooting to the right you think perhaps making it look like you're aiming to fly somewhere else again will completely catch him off guard, he can't expect for you to pull the same trick twice.

Setting your plan into motion your finger pulls at the trigger but you startle when the cable doesn't come out, it's jammed. Panic seeps into you and to make matters worse your gas is running out.

Without warning you're thrust into the body of a nearby tree, the bark scrapes against you and scratches begin to form anywhere you've made contact with the jagged surface, you want to admit defeat but the warrior inside of you denies Levi the pleasure of seeing you beg. In its place you deliver a harsh kick to his thigh, you're aware he's injured it and you're certain there are no rules to say you can't play dirty. Your boots hammer against leg hard enough for him to give out and let go of your body, but then you realize you lost this game from the very moment your grapple hooks broke, you have nowhere to hold onto.

Before you can even let out a shriek of horror Levi's shot back to you, he frantically accelerates and by a miracle humanity's strongest is able to grab a hold of you again. This time you don't dig your heels into his leg and you allow for him to clutch you by the torso.

Within a minute the two of you descend towards the forest floor and Levi throws you into the dirt furiously.

"You could have died. Being foolhardy will only lead to an early death." He barks as he directs his blade towards your neck.

"Am I dead yet?" Whispering back your gaze isn't trained on the blade but right up at him.

His nostrils flare up, his hair sticks to his forehead haphazardly and the knuckles that hold his pointed blades are white in tangled dissatisfaction.

Grabbing you by the hips he flings you over his shoulder choosing to not continue with the confrontation.

"I know what you're up to." His voice is still rugged from the pursuit and it takes you a split second to register what he's said.

Your eyes widen and your breath hitches in your throat, no way, there's no way in hell he knows. He's sharp but he's not a mind reader.

Your position means he can't read your face seeing as you're facing his back, instantly steeling your features you let out a breathy laugh.

"And what may that be?" Silently you pray he's worded himself ambiguously to catch a slip up.

"Being gutsy, you think that makes you a good soldier. It doesn't."

Relief floods you. He doesn't know.

"Soldiers need to be brave." Your retort makes him grumble.

"If  you die with no meaning by being reckless what's the purpose of being a soldier?" His question has you stopping and thinking on what the correct answer is.

Unable to think of an answer you ask another question.

"Are you saying your previous comrades died without meaning?"

"No. Their deaths fueled me slay more titans."

"So if I died back there who wou-" He swiftly cuts you off showing no inclination of wanting to hear what it is you have to say.

"I'll cut your tongue off if it's stupid." He clearly isn't serious about the threat but he does mean it when he warns you to not overstep.

Despite the consequences you say what's on your mind. "I just wanted to ask who would give my life meaning if I ever died. I don't have siblings and my parents died long ago."

Silence follows and the crunch of his boots against the muddy leaves tells you he probably doesn't wish to answer your question.

"Sorry-"

"I would. I would give meaning to your life." He says it with such ease you almost want to admire the enemy but you know he's said it because he feels he has to.

"You barely know me but I hope one day you can stop thinking everyone has to rely on you." You say it with taunting understanding.

Another bout of silence follows. Only this time the two of you feel warmly comforted, he doesn't understand how you've seen through his facade but it's easy for you to spot another liar.

846, ii.

Brows drawn back you observe your surroundings attempting to mask your scrutiny. The place is running amok with uncontrollable Eldian folk. The stench of unadulterated sin makes itself known but you seem to be the only person able to smell it. Eren bumps against the table you're sat at and your face twitches a little but you say nothing. You're yet to get used to these people's lack of manners.

At least that's how you force yourself to think. To be truthful, you don't quite understand what it is these people have done wrong. Ever since you've arrived you've been nitpicking at every single minor inconvenience or possible issue. A girl stole a potato and broke it into uneven pieces to share and you attempted to twist the story in your head to make her look like an unfair, greedy voracious demon but... you found yourself finding very little to actually be angry at. These people are essentially normal in every way of the word, they aren't demons and you can't help but feel yourself slip away from everything you once knew as reality. You're finding it difficult to believe what years of Marleyan education taught you, the hymns that were once drilled into your brain permanently are but a vague memory.

You feel disgustingly under-dressed and out of place, you don't belong here not when you're meant to hate these people, not when you're meant to despise them. You should be fighting the urge to shove their heads onto pitchforks or to skin them alive and feed them to pigs. Everyone back in Marley told you to control your impulses but now you're here and you've settled down even having the opportunity to converse with these individuals, share their pain, share their loss, share their suffering, you wonder why you have no impulses to control. Have they brainwashed you? Or is it that you're the real demon in this situation?

Fingers mingling with each other on your lap you sit hopelessly alone. Interacting with the so called enemy is much harder than you expect. Worry consistently bubbles in the pit of your stomach and every night is spent tossing and turning evaluating then reevaluating who the bad guy really is. At first the task of daily interaction isn't a big deal, you find it easy enough to approach members of the team and fake interest in their lives until the original plan falls through. You do become invested in your team members lives and stories that it comes to the point where you don't have to force yourself to smile at their jokes or to sympathize with their tales of grief. You become one of them and you swear you're meant to feel like a traitor but eerily you feel like you belong.

Nevertheless you try your best to stick with what you know. You're nothing like Zeke, you're loyal, capable, faithful and trustworthy. Never will you turn your back on Marley.

Rising to excuse yourself from dinner you think you've just about made it and escaped finally able to hide away in the confines of your bedroom but your lips form into a straight uncomfortable line at the feeling of someone's hand latching at your wrist. You're halfway down the hallway just a few more steps away from your bedroom. You hope it's one of the rookies.

"Oi, come here."

Head shooting backwards your eyes land on Levi, his dark curtains fall in front of his eyes - you note that he hasn't trimmed them as he usually does. Despite his size his grip is firm and your wrist squirms around a little trying to manoeuvre out of his bruising grasp. He seems to notice he's underestimated his strength once again and loosens his hold on you. Narrowed eyes analyse your anxious form, they're grey and in this lighting almost glow appearing silver. For a brief second your mouth is left ajar by the delicate but rough manner of his face.

"Everything Okay?" He doesn't typically seem to care very much about anyone, the question activates your senses and you're on full alert but the eye contact you make with him seconds later slows down the gears in your mind, they only whir and hum in anticipation completely coming to a halt.

"Yes, yes everything is okay." You're playing around with the hem of your shirt and you silently question when you were ever this nervous around anyone. You're a Marleyan soldier for heaven's sake not an unrestrained, unsupervised child left to play in a park.

Despite your clear inability to cushion and shield yourself from your Levi's stabbing gaze you attempt to appear as nonchalant as possible.

"I'll be going I just feel a little —" At first you had thought to fake you were ill but at the feeling of a sudden strike of pain you hold onto your stomach, the ache burns into your abdomen and without permission it travels higher up towards your ribs. "A little unwell." You manage to wheeze out. Hand placed onto a nearby cement wall your thought process is hasty speeding up by the second. Have they figured you out and had you poisoned? No, you barely ate anything today.

You hunch over feeling the bile crawl up your throat, on reflex you clamp your eyes shut not wishing to anger a superior by acting insolent and disposing of your dinner in the hallway. Shaky palms reach hesitantly for your lips and you force yourself to keep it in. Levi would commit a murder if you heaved and gagged letting it all out in front of him.

You motion towards the door trying to emphasize that you can handle yourself in the privacy of your room. Tears bite at the sides of your eyes and your vision is so blurred you can only make out the faint outline of the man who was just in front of you.

"Relax. I'll clean it." Your hair is brushed away from your face securely held back and you can't hold it in any longer, the acrid storm surges through your throat, you retch at the harsh sting it leaves behind. Breathing heavy, perturbed and anxious you gasp in all the air you can get.

"I knew you looked ill." His hands hold your jaw gently, the pads of his fingers are calloused but his touch remains soft. A tissue dabs at your mouth wiping away the excess untouched sick.

Just like the sick which surged through you less than a minute ago you feel something else entirely tear into you. You can't put a finger on it but it's dangerous for you to not feel contempt.

847, i.

Your heart accepts what your mind has been ignoring for months on end when Levi looks you square in the eyes after a heart wrenching expedition. The vacant look on his face is enough for the guilt to consume you whole but he doesn't know that. He doesn't know of your sins.

The wagon of corpses reeks of death and desperation. It's rotten and the smell is sickening. Forcibly you  stop yourself from feeling any more grief. The despair isn't yours to go through.

Your first ever personal loss outside of the walls and you've learnt Paradis is not home to demons. Cheeks burning in mortification you can't formulate any thoughts on your own accord, instead they continuously emerge in bursts and finally a single thought sticks out from the rest - Are you aiding in the destruction of innocent human life?

The both of you are sat on guard duty with the corpses, half of the team has been wiped out in one sweep. Your trembling hands don't seem to want to steady any time soon and you sit there with your guilty conscience strangling you slowly, your airflow is getting shallower. Shorter, quicker breaths leave you. The imaginary gash in your chest is bottomless, and your lungs push and pull in a power struggle.

Levi's coarse hands abruptly hold onto yours and the floodgates open again, he doesn't know what you've done to him, done to his soldiers, done to his people. If he knew who you really were, would things be different?

"This was out of your control."

Do you tell him?

The question sits in your mind for a while until you shake your head. He takes it the wrong way and think you're responding to him.

"This was not your fault." For the first time in months you've heard his voice crack under pressure.

"Pe- Petra she- I could have taken one for the team and died instead of her." All that remains of your dear friend is her blood soaked cloak. Her body was one of the few that had to be hauled away earlier to decrease the carriage's load.

The fabric still smells of Petra, smells of honey and chamomile and the simple soap offered at the base, but it still smells of her.

Firm hands grab your shoulders and Levi's fingers dig sorely into your flesh.

"Don't."

"But I- I didn't contribute as much as her and she has family who are alive." Hiccuping you try to bare with the fact that you'll wake up tomorrow and not see her preparing breakfast for everyone else. You know you could have propelled her out of the way just in time if you hadn't been so taken aback by the entire situation.

"You were her comrade. She made the choice to die for you."

You want to reach out, sob into his chest and yell that you regret it all, scream and tell him about the secret you've been hiding. A sorry excuse of a comrade you are to let her die on the battlefield not knowing your true identity. The tears roll down your cheeks and Levi feels his heart constrict and squeeze as he comprehends the lack of regard you have for your life. "It should have been me." Is repeated over and over again, your eyes are raw and bloodshot, the vicious wind sinks its teeth into you.

"Then die."

"If you're willing for her life to have no meaning. Die." The words he spits out are as cutting as the bitter wind. He feels cheated and you're finally able to come to your senses.

He's faired much worse but you doubt he's ever acted out the way you have in front of another person. In this never-ending void of darkness locking away the dull ache caused by deafening loss is the best choice for everyone.

Much like the night you had been sick he takes a grip of your jaw and directs your face towards his, this time he's not as gentle as before but you conclude that it's because he's drained, completely exhausted from the battle. The eyes are the windows to the soul but Levi's window panes are shattered, completely crushed by the weight of the constant burden he has to carry.

"I'm sorry." You croak out the apology. He grits his teeth because he doesn't want you to apologize but he doesn't voice out his opinion. As a substitute he presses his arms against you, the terribly raw panic is murdering you. Levi's gruff voice is a mixture of faux irritation but mutual understanding.

"Cry." He allows for your head to loll against his shoulder.

As the dark envelopes both you and him the scent of the dead only becomes more and more pungent, recalling fond memories of Petra and the others you know your heart settles on a decision before your mind does. You're a two timing back stabbing traitor for this. What you hated Zeke for you have become yourself.

Disloyal, unfaithful and fickle.

That day you place your loyalties with Paradis.

847, ii.

Levi's wiping down one of the kitchen tables, you're kneeled on the floor scrubbing vigorously. The others have already given up, panting they've left using the excuse of fetching water from a nearby well. Your back aches but you find cleaning reassuring and somewhat of a decent distraction.

"Why do you like to clean?" You're used to Levi asking you abrupt questions by now, after all the two of you have been acquainted for well over a year now. Through that year he's learnt about you and you about him. When in the midst of what looks to be humanity's final year's, twelve simple months is enough to form a bond worth a decade.

"I'm not good at a lot but I am good at cleaning."

"You know that's not true idiot." The tone of his voice indicates that your answer doesn't please him.

"But I do think I'm good at cleaning? Maybe not as good as you but I am half decent."

"Not that. You're good at much more than half the people I've ever met." He sneers, his footsteps edge towards you. "Purely being a good person is a talent these days."

You suppress a flinch because you aren't a good person at all. Neither are you that middle ground between good and bad. Rough around the edges and uneven, you're shards of glass ready to slash and hack away at him if Marley somehow lures you back.

The confession, if you could even call it that catches you by surprise and anger fills you. You almost want for him to not trust you and call out your bluff. It's a little unnatural how badly you want for him to realize the truth.

Your head turns up to stare at the man who's a few steps away from you. "Or am I just good at acting genuine?"

You don't even mean to snap at him and you don't even realize you have until you see his eyes widen and mouth part in imperceptible surprise. Biting your tongue your attention is diverted back to the wooden floor. Driving your washcloth into the crevices and dips of the floorboards you ignore Levi's leather shoes which now stand right in front of you.

"Are you questioning my judgement of character?"

Be born in Marley, That's what you had done, trained to destroy people you thought to be devilish entities, foolishly chose to grow attached to the so called enemy. Your mind lingers onto a specific thought and you're deathly afraid to be thinking it in the first place but there's no more avoiding it.

Falling deeply in love with Levi is your worst mistake to date.

"What I did. It was out of my control." you reply, voice hard.

"Not disclosing what it was?" He asks.

Your silence is his answer. Kneeling down to where you are he disarms you, the washcloth is taken out of your hands and he places it onto a table.

"You are a good person." His voice is brusque and he states it like it's a fact, something you should know. Hot tears threaten to spill over, he's stupidly naive for not rethinking that opinion of his. Lips thinned and eyes watering you don't know how to feel.

"Levi. I'm sure you'd like to think that but I am not."

"You love the members of the corps unconditionally I can see it in the way you look at them."

"Sometimes you look a little sad when you stare." The last sentence he adds in has your pulse racing. He's right, you often feel miserable thinking about how everyone would react knowing who you really are.

"I'm not interested in bad people." He sounds distant saying such warm words and it takes a moment for them to actually sink in. You don't quite believe you've heard him correctly. The dread sinks to the bottom of your stomach and the feelings you've buried at the back of your mind hit you like a tsunami. The thought of him feeling the same way for you, is agonizing.

"Stop being ridiculous." The uncertainty is killing the both of you.

"Loving you is not ridiculous, if you don't feel the same way you can say that and I'll step away. We'll be back to normal."

"No, no, no. You don't get it. You're just saying that." Your voice quivers and the intensity of this new revelation is too large for you to cope with.

"Why would, you," He begins, voice just above a whisper, "ever think that way?"

"Why would you even look twice at me?" You reply.

"Because I worry for you."

"You worry for everyone."

"I worry for you the most."

Instead of letting you respond to him this time he carries on speaking.

"We both know we feel the same."

You already knew you were in love with Levi, you didn’t need for him to tell you. You knew you were in love when you tried to memorize his facial features, you knew you were in love when his laughter was the cause of your laughter, you knew you were in love when you threw yourself in front of that abnormal for him.

That's when you begin to understand what all his signals meant. You now knew why he'd let you stare so intently, you now knew why he laughed particularly hard when it was you who had made a joke, you now knew why he scolded you and nearly broke down at the sight of your injured arm after that specific expedition.

You know it. He knows it. You both know what this will lead to.

But you still lunge onto his lap, you still press your wobbly lips against his. You still choose to surrender yourself to him and he still reacts by taking a hold of your shaky hands which lay on his chest. He envelopes them in his warm grasp. Slowly but gradually the ice thaws and dissolves. Heartbreak, anguish and suffering when one of you loses the other will be the end of your romance, you're sure of it. Hell, the both of you are in the middle of a war but your heart flames up thinking of all of the possibilities.

Perhaps it'll play out the one way you wish for it not to.

Could your ending be in betrayal?

848, i.

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded hus-"

"Cut the crap and kiss me." Levi's crude interruption isn't appreciated by Erwin but everyone knows Levi doesn't care all that much for formalities and hates being in the spotlight for too long.

Gripping him by the collar of his suit your lips are a centimetre away, he stops you tightening the hold he has on your waist. His lips gently press against your collarbone and his breath meanders towards the shell of your ear.

"Swear you won't die on me."

Gulping you look away apprehensively. You know you can't promise that.

“Oi, I’m expecting an answer.” His voice flickers slightly.

Forefinger holding your chin up you see your soon to be husband close to tears, he valiantly blinks them away. Levi has never been one to make his pain public and your heart twists in your chest as you realize just how much of a hold his feelings for you have over him.

"I can't promise that, you know it'll only hurt more." The strange bitter taste in your mouth won't let you comply with his request and by measuring his reaction you see his eyes cloud in an unidentifiable emotion, you're sure it's nothing positive.

"We may not have a happy ending Levi but we'll always have a happy middle."

Levi scoffs in derision, he has to think your attempt at being meaningful is ridiculous.

You lean into him and it's all so heart-wrenchingly familiar yet foreign. His body sags comprehending that not everything will go the way he wants it to. One of you is guaranteed to leave first.

Hands finding purchase in the cloth of his white dress shirt Levi doesn't cringe at you creasing the fabric as he usually does. He allows for you to call the shots this time, your lips brush faintly against his before you nosedive into him. No resistance is felt and he replies almost immediately. Everyone applauds as his fingertips press into the back of your skull and you find that this is all incredibly hideous. The innate disloyalty you feel, you throwing your entire life away for this man but you find yourself not caring. To hell with that miserable life crammed with sin.

Levi smiles against your mouth, you assume you're meant to magically smile back but you can't make yourself. It's uncomfortable relishing in the undeserved happiness knowing it won't last forever.

The world you live in isn't ideal nor is it forgiving.

Momentary joy is all an antagonist can hope for.

849, i.

Jean can’t take his eyes off the newly weds.

You’re cooing into your Levi’s ear gently, his cheeks flush scarlet at the feeling of your hot breath against his skin and he scolds you for having the gall to rile him up in public.

Jean sniggers finding some sort of odd delight from the interaction - he’s never seen the Captain this content and at ease.

849, ii.

You don't know why you've dragged yourself out of bed just to stare at your husband's face but you have, despite the toll life has had on him he seems sound for once. His breathing peaceful yours is anything but that. When it's dark the weight becomes heavier, your skin tingles and your throat burns aching for release.

Eyes blurring your hands shake reaching out for him but you can't find the courage to make contact. Nothing will ever warrant plaguing him even more with your existence.

The memories become increasingly bitter.

"If we make it out of this alive we'll have children and they'll look just like you."

"I want them to look like you." had been your reply.

Levi winced not seeming to like the idea.

"No, I want them to look like you. You're beautiful."

How wrong he was for thinking that.

You, beautiful? He'd stab himself ten times over if he knew just who exactly he had said those words to.

850, i.

Zeke had betrayed you after finding out who you were to Levi but you half expected that he would tell him the truth at some point regardless of that fact.

Tear stains travel through the mud and grime on your face, Levi's eyes are indifferent as he twists his wedding ring off his finger flinging it into the surrounding rubble.

Without your permission he yanks your arm forwards intending to take your matching ring away but you hold on digging your heels into the dirt beneath you.

"You disgusting bitch. Give me it."

You scream, high and awful, he continues jerking at your arm the muscle throbs crying out for him to stop but he doesn't and no one steps in to put a halt to any of it. Levi having had enough grabs at your neck ruthlessly. In any other circumstance he'd be labelled callous or cruel but everyone on the battle field shares a similar empathy for their Captain. Neither they or Levi had expected your disloyalty.

"I said give me the ring if you know what's good for you." His fingers slide around your neck, his seemingly low words cling onto the little respect he has left for you.

"No." Your defiance has his eyes hardening in and posture tensing. "I'm not handing it over."

Levi says nothing, he only holds onto your throat tighter, if he really keeps at  it your windpipe will be crushed in no time. You know he's holding out on purpose, he's still giving you a chance. He expects for you to stand your ground, say you never deceived Paradis, say something, anything to make him let go of you.  

"Marrying you... It just happened somehow. I know it was selfish of me." He squeezes harder. "I know it was. I'm sorry Levi." Gasping and breathless you clench and unclench your fists finding it too difficult to explain.

Your mouth opens, you want to tell him you haven't seduced him like he thinks you have, tell him you dropped that plan of yours long ago but then you falter at the last second.  It's typically hard to tell when Erwin's infuriated but it's painfully obvious when you make eye contact with him over Levi's trembling shoulders. It's enough to tell you to give up. Enough to tell you that you're beyond redemption, you've ran and hid long enough.

"Hand over your titan." Levi says nothing to Erwin's proposition, the hold he has on your neck loosens but his silence is sickening. It means he agrees.

This is fate's idea of a cruel joke.

But you agree, on the basis of one condition.

"Fine but-"

Levi cuts in, all regard for you devoid from his system.

"You're in no place to be making demands." He snarls, his patience quickly running thin.

However Erwin urges you to continue speaking taking you aback.

"If it's not too much maybe we can accommodate your final wish." Erwin had always been thoughtful in nature and you thank him for even bothering to show you a sliver of benevolence.

Everyone's looking, all eyes are on you. Some are blinking away tears, others are disgusted unable to stare at you for more than a few seconds at a time. Levi falls into the latter.

Brazen with not an ounce of shame you mention the ring again. "Let me keep it." Your left hand covers your right and underneath the flesh is the last symbol left of your union with Levi.

Whispers and murmurs orbit you, none of them are kind and Levi loses it.

His reflexes are paralyzing, he's back at it clawing your neck mercilessly but you don't scream or shriek as you did previously. You take it, you let him unload his frustration.

"Levi. Let it go for the sake of humanity." Erwin says pointedly. Irritation pricks him, he wants this over and done with and your rebelliousness doesn't look as if it'll be tamed any time soon unless you're given what you want.

Levi's face is crimson, the fresh blood from the expedition still steaming. "Y/N, I'll saw your arm off if I have to." But, you know he's already given into Erwin's orders when he throws you to the ground letting you crash and wheeze for breath.

850, ii.

Levi's been appointed to guard you for your final night alive. The room feels wistful as you think back wondering if the life you lived was respectable.

"Why did you stare at me when I slept? Did you think of killing me?" Half commanding and half pleading his voice cracks. He coughs attempting to cover it up.

You jolt not expecting the interaction at all and you're not the slightest bit surprised that he had seen you all those nights staring so deeply. He'd always been a light sleeper. You turn your head up hoping he's looking at you.

He isn't.

"I wanted our children to look like you. I think you're beautiful."

It's now his turn to recoil, only he does so in repulsion remembering the familiarity of those words. They had left his own lips not too long ago.

"I'd never have children with the likes of you." He sounds tense then.

You understand. No one would want to have children with someone as hated and as despicable as you.

"I know." You whisper faintly.

850, iii.

When Erwin's eyes glaze over unable to focus on anything in particular Levi assumes it's him growing used to the titan powers. What he doesn't expect is for his Commander to bang his head against the floor unrelenting screaming your name.

Pairs of hands move to stop him but he thrusts them aside wailing. Levi stresses trying to figure out what it is you could have done in the wake of your death.

But Erwin Smith. Courageous, brave Erwin Smith, who never cracked at loss of life for the sake of humanity, who always eloquently spoke to everyone around him at all times, finds himself slumping down to his knees and weeping for you.

The warm blood from his self inflicted assault still trickles down his nose, a tremor shakes through his entire body when he thinks of breaking the news to Levi.

The edge in Erwin’s voice grows dangerous.

"We made the wrong choice."

Erwin can't word it any better than that.

But Levi understands right away, he wishes he didn’t, he wishes he was ignorant enough not to.

Hange sticks an arm out aiming for his shoulder but he stumbles away nearly falling back into the floor not wanting to be touched by anyone.

He finds that he is not human enough to cry. It’s that or he’s not human at all without your presence.

854, i.

Levi has grown old without you, lived to see months and new seasons without you by his side. Over time his eyelids have become heavier, the corners of his mouth naturally droop and he remains perpetually somber.

Sometimes you visit him in his dreams, each time you make a silly comment about how his grey eye bags make him look like he’s been punched in the face. “Levi Ackerman, I swear if you don’t sleep soon!” You cushion the blow by whispering sweet nothings, reassuring him that you still think he’s beautiful. 

Occasionally you add in that you don’t blame him for the past, but those conversations only last for a few seconds at a time.

“I don’t blame you.” It always starts off with the exact same phrase. 

“I should have listened to you.” Levi’s tone is stern and uncompromising .

“Lev, I was never going to tell you to spare my life. You tried to listen to me, I could tell you wanted me to deny it.”

Levi refuses to answer you, he still thinks he’s at fault.

Not a day goes by where he doesn’t think of that ring. He regrets throwing it away recklessly into the rubble.

Some day he’ll return to Shiganshina to find it. The idea sounds laughable but he has to find a reason to smile as he fights for his life.

That is what Levi thinks as two set’s of jaws snap shut onto his legs, a flurry of red surrounds him. His throat constricts at the feeling of his thighs being ripped away from the rest of him.

“I tried.” He whimpers to no one in particular, eyes blank and losing meaning.

“I know Levi, I know.” The same voice from his dreams soothes him.

“Do not despair. Find me again in another world.” The biting wind adds in.

Levi’s eyelids flutter shut unable to do much else.

He’s unsure if he has the courage to face you again in another lifetime.