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nobody-wants-ice-cream · 4 years

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Everything Wrong With The Umbrella Academy. Episode 8, I Heard a Rumor.

This episode is particularly brutal. Warnings include child abuse, domestic abuse, suicide, rape, gore, and manipulation. Keep yourself safe.

We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals

Run Boy Run

Extra Ordinary

Man on the Moon

Number Five

The Day That Wasn’t

The Day That Was

Disclaimer: This is all in good fun! I wanted to do a really nitpicky re-watch of the series and found some really cool and interesting things I didn’t notice before. This is meant to have a Cinema Sins-esque tone. However, I did take off a lot more sins than Cinema Sins would have because I do genuinely like the series and the people that made it possible. So all of the good things got one sin off and all the bad things got one sin added. This is a really long post, so grab some popcorn. If there’s anything that I missed, feel free to add it!

I would also like to add that normally you wouldn’t watch a show this way. I am purposefully looking for mistakes, easter eggs, and other things that we’re not supposed to notice. I am watching not with the goal of entertainment, but for analysis. So most of the things that I sin, I am seeing for the first time.

Also, no I can’t do better. I am in no way qualified to give this level of criticism about anything. I am not taking this seriously. At all.

I Heard a Rumor

Stormy Weather by Etta James. I adore this song. When I first watched the show I was so happy when this song came on.-1

I am also taking a sin off for the Emmy Raver-Lampman version -1

It looks like Allison genuinely adores her daughter. And Claire’s bedroom? I would want to have that room now and I am at least ten years older than her. -1

Speaking of, how old is Claire? Sin until we have answers. +1

The animations for the story of The Umbrella Academy defeating the robbers at the museum. -2

“While your Uncle Klaus got a little distracted.” What did Klaus do on missions again? +1

Allison carefully censors the mission so she is still telling the truth but doesn’t actually say that Diego used knives or that Ben used the horror to (presumably, we don’t know how much control Ben had) kill four people. Good job. See Reggie, this is how you don’t traumatise your kid with violence. -1

“Their leader.” Looks suspiciously like a villain from the comics. -1

“I wanna hear the one about the Eiffel tower.” Me too, Claire. Especially since the magazine clips we see suggest Five was there this time. -1

Mind control. ON A CHILD. This is what bothers me the most about Allison as a character and I am glad that she is moving past it. However, in no universe can I let this go. Depending on how Allison used it, Claire’s emotional control could be fucked for life. +40

Patrick behaves like a rational human being and doesn’t blow up at Allison for this in front of their child. He also divorces her in order to keep said child safe. Good. -1

“I heard a rumor you love me.” Who did she say this to? It doesn’t matter who, it’s still disturbing, but oh dear God who did she say this to? I think this is the second most fucked up thing we hear Allison say after the rumoring Claire scene. +10

Allison is going 120 kmh, or 75 mph, in the rain. If you have ever driven a car in the rain then you know exactly why I am sinning this. For those who don’t know, google hydroplaning. Allison could have died here very, very easily. +3

Title screen on a billboard! I forgot how cool the episode 8 title screen was. -1

Allison doesn’t bring her proof with her when going to confront Vanya, who has been shown to be irrational when it comes to Leonard. +1

Bird jumpscare. +1

“They want me to come back tomorrow be fitted for a prosthetic eye”. Leonard places emphasis on the words “prosthetic eye” to remind the viewers that Leonard is bad news. Good acting choice. -1

Leonard’s clothes look freshly bloody when the blood should be several hours old and therefore a more rusty brown color than a bright red. I think. I don’t know if that’s how it works with such large amounts of blood. +1

Luther’s bed is now magically big enough to fit both him and the rave girl. +1

Luther’s reaction to the rave girl. Rewatch this scene to get such a laugh at Luther’s face. -1

How out of it was Luther vs the rave girl? Consent issues on both sides. +3

Luther treated the rave girl to some wine? Or cranberry juice? How thoughtful. -1

I really, really hope they were safe though. There is no evidence to imply they were safe. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about then you’re too young to be watching TUA). +1

Klaus is such a little shit. “Wakey wakey! Eggs and bakey!” while ringing the bell. Peak sibling culture is doing this sort of thing while knowing that the other sibling is NOT going to appreciate it. Also, Klaus deserves his revenge after last night. -1

The little wave the rave girl gives Klaus. -1

Go back and watch this scene. Holy shit this is so underrated. This is the funniest thing ever. -1

“He popped his cherry! Now you’re gonna have to marry her” -4

Klaus doesn’t remember his first time. Consent issues. +3

“No dilly-dallying, alright?” I love Klaus. -1

Klaus makes french press coffee for Luther and Ben. Klaus is a good brother. -1

I would kill to see Ben’s reaction to Luther and the rave girl. +1

Five snatches Luther’s coffee and not Ben’s, ya know, the guy who can’t drink the coffee. And is invisible. Five is a dick to Luther or Five wanted to be a little shit to Luther after having to hear him and the rave girl. Either way, +1

He steals the coffee and he complains about it. +1

Ben! -1

“This is a bad idea” no shit. +1

The awkward pauses where Ben is presumably speaking don’t make sense here. +1

The camera trickery used to make Luther look like a giant compared to Five. -1

Five knows where the aspirin is “top shelf next to the crackers” because he was also hungover. I think. I can’t remember if FIve stopped back at the house, but presumably he and Luther had to go there to get the car. -1

Luther still isn’t getting up to get the aspirin even though he can listen just fine while getting it. +1

Ben adding to the dramatic tension of the scene in a uniquely humorous way that only this show can pull off. -2

Luther doesn’t believe Klaus about Reggie’s suicide. What reason would Klaus have to lie about this, Luther? +1

Five believes him right away. -1

Convenient Pogo backing up Klaus is convenient. +1

This has nothing to do with this very dramatic and important scene, but the mismatched chairs, while cute, don’t appear in any other scene. +1

Five calls Reggie a “sick bastard” under his breath. That’s one way to describe him. -1

Pogo kept this secret for a long time. Not telling the kids was a strange choice and I’m not sure why Pogo made it. On one hand, he would be respecting the wishes of his creator and friend but on the other he would be helping these people come to terms with their father’s death. Pogo’s character motivations are strange and I don’t understand them. +1

Luther said it best, “there’s always choice.” +1

Random thought I had, where was Harold’s grandmother when he was being abused and then going to jail because he killed his abuser? +1

Leonard says some nice things in this scene. If we didn’t know how manipulative he was I would give him credit for this line. +1

Agnes looks adorable out of the Griddy’s uniform. Costume/hair people, you did good. -1

Agnes keeps saying things like “we aren’t in a rush” and talking about seeing three years worth of stops to remind us that there is no time. Hazel looks heartbroken by it. -1

Allison abandons her vehicle. Do not take driving advice from The Umbrella Academy, ever! +1

Allison sees a random scarf from several cars away and immediately connects it with Vanya. Does she also have super sight? +1

The first time we see Allison get recognized by a random stranger for her acting is eight episodes in. +1

Cheddar (the cop Allison is talking to) is so enamored by Allison that he stops doing his job correctly. +1

“Jackpine cove” who named these towns? +1

Allison and Five have the same little shrug when they finish telling terrible lies. -1

Allison is a terrible liar. +1

Diego is still in jail. They’re talking about transferring him upstate. This is really bad news. +1

“Did she use that word? Contentious?” The definitions of contentious all say the word argument. Beeman says that Diego and Patch had an argumentative relationship. This matters to Diego. Why? +1

This conversation was written by someone who doesn’t understand the connotation of the word contentious. +1

Beeman encourages Diego to escape and go on the run. Are all the cops incompitent on this show? You have Patch, who hasn’t pinned Diego for obstruction of justice despite the show implying that Diego has touched evidence he wasn’t supposed to many times, Cheddar, who is so distracted by Allison freakin’ Hargreeves that he forgets that taking her along to a murder case is unethical at best, and Beeman who straight up encourages Diego to escape from jail. That last one is definitely illegal. +10

The parallel between Five and Leonard reading something they aren’t supposed to have in the bathroom. Both the apocalypse file and the journal are red, too. This means something but I don’t have the analysis skills to really go into it. If anyone wants to take a crack at it, go ahead. Sin removed because I know this is smart even if I can’t figure out why.-1

Vanya’s training implies that Reggie has been training these kids hard since they were at least four years old. +7

Current Sin Count: 73

Reggie doesn’t praise Vanya for breaking the glass, he just demands that she does it again. Say it with me now, Reggie is a dick. +1

Leonard straight up uses the word extraordinary. Sigh. +1

The description for how Vanya’s powers work (concentrate on a constant sound until that’s all you can hear and then use an emotional connection to target) is surprisingly good. This is the best description of somebody’s powers we’ve ever gotten in this show. -1

Klaus is attempting to get the yarn on the needle and failing miserably. This is one of the simpler, if tedious, things we do in knitting. Therefore, it is completely understandable how a beginner can’t make heads or tails of it. -1

Five is still injured. The old man walk gives it away. +1

Five treats Klaus like a second in command. I want more of this duo. -1

“So how’d the crazy bastard actually know to kill himself a week before the end of the world?” We would all like to know the answer to that question. Five would be excellent at cinema sins. +1

“Don’t answer, that was purely rhetorical.” Nice cop out, show. +1

Reggie used The Apocalypse to make his kids do the dishes. Checks out. +1

Five and Klaus bond over hating doing the dishes and the person making them do the dishes. Sibling culture. -1

“Where have you been?” “Jail. Long story.” The looks on Klaus and Five’s faces! -2

Vanya breaks the monocle. Good job, kid. However, if you know the comics then you know why I am mildly concerned about this. -1

“That will conclude your training for the time being.” Meaning the next 25 years. Reggie, you suck. +1

Now Vanya’s powers are a bit more vague and imply that she has super hearing. +1

Leonard’s training routine actually includes some praise, which is a step up from Reggie. However, a step up from Reggie is still someplace in hell, so it’s still a sin. +1

It’s also a sin because it’s uncontrolled and Vanya is afraid of it, yet Leonard keeps pushing her. +1

Leonard uses the kind of language Reggie would use to describe Vanya’s powers. Checks out because he read Reggie’s book and is using his ideas to train Vanya. +1

Helen Cho’s missing person poster reminds the viewer that Leonard is bad news. +1

Vanya plays for the St. Pluvium Chamber Orchestra. First of all, no they have a conductor. +1

Second of all, “Pluvium” means of or relating to rain. The Umbrella Academy fights against the leader of the rain orchestra in episode 10. Who came up with that pun? That is absolutely hilarious. -1

Based on a post by @seven-valid-libras I think Griddy’s is across the street from this bar? I am not 100% sure. If it is then that’s a sin off because Agnes definitely has a bunch of drunk people coming in for doughnuts every now and then. I lowkey want to write this fic. -1

“Maybe they’ll brood each other to death” Is this a reference to the fact that Luther and Diego were both too emo for umbrellas in episode 1? -1

I feel so bad for Luther right now. Reggie really fucked with his head. +1

After hearing that Vanya’s boyfriend is a convicted murderer, Luther is more concerned for Allison than he is for Vanya. +1

Diego’s face when Luther says “you should have led with that!” [the fact that Allison went after a convicted murderer alone] -1

Luther is right. Diego should have led with that. +1

Luther breaks the door in his rush to get out of the bar. Checks out. -1

Mary J. Blige. -1

The shop is closing because Agnes is leaving? Who owns Griddy’s? +1

And if the shop is closing, then why leave doughnuts on the shelf? Are they gifts for the other waitresses who are now out of a job? +1

Agnes keeps a flamingo (presumably, scented) candle in a bakery. +1

Cha Cha was way too close to that explosion to not get some scratches at the very least. +1

Sergeant Cheddar is letting Allison stay in the room while he interrogates Mr. Luntz (the man that survived Vanya’s powers). +1

What kind of person allows themselves to be hired by some guy in order to beat him up in front of his girlfriend? Who does that? Are there people like that who exist in real life? +1

Allison doesn’t get pissed off when Luntz says that they started to hurt the girl (Vanya) too. +1

Sgt. Cheddar finally gets pissed off with Allison after she starts leading Luntz. This took way too long. +1

“What I really need to do is practice,” said every musician ever. Including me. As I’m typing this I’m putting off practicing. Vanya is calling me out. I deserve it. +1

Also, Vanya just got first chair and so far she still hasn’t learned the solo the day before the concert. That is such a mood. -1

The cracks in Leonard’s personality are finally starting to show. If Harold was smart he would let Vanya do this without attempting to manipulate her into more practice. +1

Vanya left her violin propped up in the middle of a sofa. That is a broken violin waiting to happen. +1

Where is her rosin? Don’t tell me she reuses the same rosin and doesn’t clean her instrument. Please. +2

Leonard doesn’t tell Vanya where he will be going. He just sort of leaves without a note. This would be fine if this universe had cell phones, but it doesn’t. Leonard is a dick. +1

Agnes would like to spend her (Hazel tells her it’s hypothetical but we know it’s not) last two days on Earth with Hazel. That is so sweet. But also, they met less than a week ago. +1

This is the turning point that makes Hazel an active character that wants to stop the apocalypse. Finally some character motivation that makes sense! Whoop! -1

They Call Me a Fool by Damon is another one of my favorites from the soundtrack. What can I say, I’m a sucker for jazz. -1

There is a parallel between Five leaving Vanya’s apartment and Leonard leaving her at the cabin. Her brother (whom I assume she loves) and the man she is infatuated with both leave her at some point without warning. The people who Vanya loves keep leaving her. +2

Vanya puts her violin down on a chair and lets the bow fall. Bows are expensive. +1

“I made a secret place just for you. None of your siblings get to play there.” Of course Reggie is framing it this way. He’s scared of her. +1

The further away from Pogo the camera is, the less real he looks. +1

Reggie and Pogo locked Vanya in this cage. +1

Vanya’s violin bow fell down but in the next shot it’s propped on the chair. +1

Sgt. Cheddar tells Allison to stay put but has no way to verify that she actually will. Also, if he’s such a fan then shouldn’t he know that she used to be a superhero? +1

Allison kept her proof about Leonard/Harold in the car again. +1

“I love you. And I wanna be here for you as your sister.” -1

“I love him.” Vanya you met him less than a week ago. +2

If there was ever a wrong time to bring up the fact that you took Vanya’s powers away and left her with a horribly low self esteem due to the poorly worded “I heard a rumor that you think you’re just ordinary”, it would be now! Now is the wrong time to bring this up! +10

Reggie used Allison to make Vanya powerless. Reggie is a dick. An absolute bastard. A complete scumbag. Etc. +20

Reggie has also been drugging Vanya since she was FOUR YEARS OLD. +50

Insert Reggie insults here. Feel free to come up with your own in the tags. Fuck this guy repeatedly with a rusty chainsaw. +20

Vanya is not in the right state of mind to understand that Reggie is the one that made Allison rumor her. +1

The final fight between Allison and Vanya is heartbreaking. Emmy Raver-Lampman and Ellen Page are excellent actresses. -5

Vanya’s skin keeps getting paler and paler. Foreshadowing. -1

This is the only time Allison attempts to use her powers in the show. To save her life. I would say that it is pretty justified. -1

Violin bows are not sharp enough to cut human flesh. Is this another part of Vanya’s power? +1

Gore warning! This is super fucked. Not gonna lie, I gag a little every time I see this.+4

Vanya is freaking out and then Leonard walks in. Vanya’s mental state is completely out the window at this point. +4

Leonard manhandles Vanya into letting her sister die (as far as they know) on the floor of the cabin. +10

Allison has definitely lost enough blood to kill her, yet she survives this. +1

Leonard went out to kill Luntz. +10

Nobody in the car (Five driving, Klaus shotgun, Luther and Diego in the back) is wearing a seatbelt. +1

Also, of these four people, Five is the most qualified to drive right now? Diego is sitting right there! And we saw Klaus drive the ice cream truck! Luther would have some trouble driving because he’s so large. But really?? +2

“Can you go any faster?” “Ask me again and I’ll burn you with the cigarette lighter.” The comic relief doesn’t really land here because the scene before was so dramatic and the music is still playing. To change the mood, the song would also have to change. +2

Independently, that is a pretty funny Grandpa Five line. -1

Including Ben in the scene where they find Allison bleeding out on the floor is a subtle reminder to the audience that if Allison was dead, Klaus would be able to see her ghost. The lack of a ghost means she is still alive. +1

Also, this scene has all the original members of The Umbrella Academy in it. Look how far they’ve come from the bank robbery. +6

No one is checking for a pulse right now. They’re just assuming that Allison is dead. +10

Overall Review: It goes without saying that this episode is fucking brutal. When I first watched it I had to stop and go do something else for a while because of the rumor reveal and the throat thing. That was really, really concerning. Props to Emmy Raver-Lampman. She fucking killed it this episode. If anyone was wondering if she was a good actress (ya know because of all the “come look at this” lines she kept getting) then this episode made it very clear that she can act and she does it very, very well.

So, Vanya’s sanity is out the window, Allison is down for the count, and no one cares about the apocalypse right now. That last one is understandable because of Allison’s situation, but damn it really isn’t looking good for the Hargreeves siblings.

Also, I want to talk about something. This is the last episode in which Allison and Vanya are both capable of speech. And in the eight hours we have known these two women, they have had multiple conversations. All of them have been about a man. Their brothers, their father, Patrick, or Leonard/Harold. Seriously, the two women in this show that are main characters never have a conversation that isn’t about a man. There is no excuse. With the fridging and this, you have to wonder if the writers on this show hate women or something? I don’t normally add sins post analysis, but I think I will make an exception for this one. +100

Total: 283

Sentence: Serious gore.

#The Umbrella Academy #all in good fun #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #leonard peabody #harold jenkins #show warnings apply #this episode is brutal

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writesowhatnext · 4 years

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Right so Erica did this and she tagged me in it I loved reading it bc I love her work so I was like .....might just hop on this one with my HP fics

Also a PSA that I’m really sorry I’ve essentially been on an unannounced hiatus idk why I’m incapable of writing but here we are :( ANYWAYS thank you for the tag @ickle-ronniekins :) <<33

Which of your fics…

…did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got?

maybe Love is Learning (Sirius Black) because that’s the idea I had that initially inspired me to start the account because I loved writing it... maybe also Gotta Do the Cooking By the Book (Fred Weasley) if not only because it’s exactly the thing I like to read... I like to know what people don’t like as much though because it just shows how people like different things

…got a better reaction than you expected?

hmm okay twin time so Pretending is a Gateway Drug (George Weasley) seems to be quite well liked notes-wise which is lovely honestly and I’m very grateful for it... also Elementary, My Dear Weasley (Fred Weasley) is very popular too which I was surprised about but still very glad for obviously

…is your funniest?

I think that Annoying? Yes. Boring? Never. (James Potter) is quite a fun piece honestly, as is Are You Sure He’s Your Favourite Weasley? (George Weasley) and maybe hmmmmmmm... most of my Fred stuff tends to be quite fun because it’s Fred so maybe Everybody Has Those Days (Fred Weasley) which was a lot of fun to write

…is your darkest/angstiest?

right okay so Our Paradise, Poisoned (Sirius Black) is very angsty and was one of my first requests so I remember it very clearly honestly, as is You Were Down For Forever (Fred Weasley) which I love for the pure strategy of writing something so sad

…is your absolute favorite?

I’m a really big fan of the Night Changes Series (George Weasley) because I put a lot of work into it and I really love Slytherin reader and I also really love Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept (Blaise Zabini) because I had so much fun writing it and it’s really just one of my favourites for the enjoyment

…is your least favorite?

hmmm maybe The Human World, it’s a Mess (Remus Lupin) because I found it difficult to incorporate the whole mermaid thing in though I did surprise myself in how much I enjoyed writing the request also Can I Get That in Writing? (Seamus Finnigan) isn’t my favourite just because I struggled a lot to write in character

…was the easiest to write?

so Love is Learning (Sirius Black) was really easy to write because I had such an idea of it in my head and I couldn’t stop thinking about it so when I actually came to write it it was so so easy... I also like writing for Oliver Wood because for me the character is just quite nice to establish and copy I suppose so maybe Game, Set, Match (Oliver Wood)

…was the hardest to write?

oooh this is an interesting question... maybe Semaphore But Tastier (Cedric Diggory) because I really struggled with the character and spent a while rewriting because I was so excited to write him but couldn’t quite get there... that’s probably the same with How Many Branches Does an Olive Tree Have? (Draco Malfoy) because it’s hard to write Draco in character but also somewhat more likeable sorry!

…has your favorite line/exchange/paragraph? (share it)

Hmm I like this bit from Definitely Just a Coincidence (Remus Lupin) because I love the marauders :

“Oi, Y/N,” Sirius had shouted from the breakfast table when he saw you walk into the Great Hall. You rolled your eyes and wandered over, standing behind him.

“And what do you want?” you asked, narrowing your eyes.

“Can’t I just want to see my friend without ulterior motives?”

If you had known him less well, you would’ve been fooled by his puppy dog eyes.

“No, you always have ulterior motives. That’s your defining feature.”

“I thought my hair was my defining feature? Or my exquisitely handsome face? Remus,” he turned towards the boy opposite at the table, who had been watching you both with amusement.

“What’s my defining feature?”

“Your modesty.”

…have you re-read the most?

hmmmmm, so I reread all of my stuff because I’m a wonderful combination of narcissistic and self-critical BUT mostly I reread the ones I don’t remember or like the most so that’s probably War... What is it Good For? (Sirius Black) because I love Slytherin reader and that whole concept tbh but also Would’ve Preferred a Pillow Fight (Fred Weasley) because I love Fred and I’m a little bit of a slut for rereading my Fred stuff

…would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time?

OOOOH OKAY I’ll put a bit of a mixture of my favourites and the ones I think represent how I write well (who even knows what that means... probably just a vibe check through different characters)

War... What is it Good For? - Sirius Black

Annoying? Yes. Boring? Never. (James Potter)

If it Wasn’t For You Meddling Kids (Remus Lupin)

Night Changes Series (George Weasley)

You Were Down for Forever (Fred Weasley)

Duolingo, Mange Ton Coeur (Fred Weasley)

What’s a Little Healthy Competition? (Oliver Wood)

Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept (Blaise Zabini)

How Many Branches Does an Olive Tree Have? (Draco Malfoy)

#get to know me #my posts!!!!#I'm sorry about dipping #talking

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henrikvanderswoon · 4 years

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Double the Kill: A Nancy Drew Play Written by 12-year-old Yours Truly - Readthrough Reactions

Okay, guys, I went through two cups of super strong coffee reading through this thing and I think I can hear colors now so… Have fun reading this!

I sincerely haven’t read this thing in probably ten years and I legitimately forgot almost everything about this play I wrote for myself and my twin/two best friends to perform. We used to write plays for each other all the time, as well as play Nancy Drew games together, so… this was all very fitting.

Anyway, this is a super long one and I APOLOGIZE but also I hope you enjoy reading this thing as much as I enjoyed writing it 😂

Okay, for starters, this story is titled: “Double the Kill” for two reasons that I can remember: (1) someone actually gets murdered, and (2) someone beheaded the Lincoln Memorial statue.

…

You know when you’re in middle school and you’re assigned some topic to research for a project and suddenly you have this stupid amount of knowledge about something you don’t know what to do with?

That’s what happened here.

Anyway.

So, apparently I didn’t know what the word “pervert” was when I was 12 (poor, sheltered creature) so I legitimately named a character Blake Pervey and I’m gonna fling myself into the sun.

Oh my gosh, I wrote up a case profile for this, complete with character roles and everything. Incredible.

Let’s provide that for you guys:

The Case: Billionaire Erving Nickels is holding a benefit concert at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C., where the band “One Love” will be performing. Erv senses trouble, so he calls Nancy Drew and her best friend Bess Marvin to watch out for anything “suspicious.” But about an hour before the concert’s about to start, One Love’s lead singer Terri James is found dead near the Lincoln statue and the head of the statue is gone!

Contact: Erving Nickels - a billionaire who’d arranged the benefit concert. He asked Nancy to come and watch for anything “suspicious.”

Suspects:

Erving Nickels: Goes by Erv, for short. As it turns out, this man has actually gone bankrupt recently. Could he go to desperate measures to gain back his wealth?

Blake Pervey (I still want to die): One Love’s back-up singer. Terri had broken up with him recently because he’d attempted to cheat on her (huh, maybe he really is a pervert after all). Did he murder her to get revenge and take her place as the lead singer?

Lyza Benton: The make-up artist. Lyza is always on the prowl for the next juicy gossip to spill to the press and gain publicity. Could she have killed Terri to create the ultimate story?

Myra “Ryan” Williams: One Love’s guitarist. She was the person Blake had attempted to cheat with, but she’d refused. Terri didn’t believe Ryan’s story and blamed her for everything, which caused the two women to hate each other.

Victim: Terry James

Okay. Already this is a little better than “Murder at Turquoise Inn,” because there are actual suspects with actual motives??? aMAZING.

Wow, Nancy’s a bitch. She didn’t even tell Erving that Bess was coming along.

Erv keeps saying that he thinks something bad is going to happen tonight, and Nancy and Bess are both like,“Can you please explain why?” And he’s like, “I just have a feeling.” Like boi, that’s sketch.

Bess: “Sorry to change the subject, Mr. Nickels.”

Erv: “Please, just call me Erv.”

Bess: “No thank you.”

Bess…I know Erv is a weird name, but…why?

Mr. Nickels is taking Nancy and Bess on a tour, right? And I keep peppering in random facts about the Lincoln Memorial I learned for school and it’s SENDING ME.

“I’ll watch and wait for our groovy band to arrive, while you girls split up and watch for suspicious activity. Now, let’s boogie!”

Asfbadka Erv, no one talks liKE That!

I would just like to take a moment to preface the rest of this post with the fact that I wrote this for me and my friends, and we were always writing the stupidest dialogue for each other because we thought it was hilarious. Um…which hopefully explains lines like these:

(1) No one calls Erv Nickels, the handsome billionaire, “Darling.” Except his mother.

(2) [We’re going to change.] No, don’t change. We like you guys just the way you are. *laughs obnoxiously*

…

I hate myself.

So Blake and Terri arrive in the limo and let me tell ya’ll Blake is definitely flirting with Erv right now and I’m so fucking confused.

Terri: That man’s got problems. I guess money does that to people.

Blake: But we have money and we don’t have problems.

Terri: Maybe it only happens to men.”

Blake: But… I am a man.

Terri: Exactly.

Okay, you can tell my love for writing banter was here from the fuckin get-go.

Oh god, now Blake is flirting with Nancy. Fuckin hell. I may not have known what the word “pervert” was when I was 12, but this man was aptly named.

Suspicious, suspicious.*Mocking* ‘Can you girls watch for anything suspicious?’ Something suspicious, yeah right. Oh look! A BUG. Oh, soooo suspicious.

Bess…. I love you.

Okay, as dumb as everything is in this thing, some of this dialogue is fucking cracking me up so hard.

Bess: No! Honestly. I swear, it’s almost like he’s trying to keep us busy so something bad can happen.

*A faraway scream cuts in from offstage*

*Nancy and Bess look off in the direction it came from, way too casual*

Bess: What was that?

Nancy: I dunno.

*They pause, then their eyes widen in realization*

Nancy: Oh crap.

Listen, I know I’m a comedic genius, but this is getting out of hand. Dsbfsjkdsjfbk

Bess: Mr. Nickels! What woman was screaming so high like that?

Erv: That was me.

I CAN’T BREATHE.

I saw Terri lying there on the floor, apparently dead.

Erving… the woman is DEAD. What do you mean “apparently?”

Nancy and Bess find a letter Terri was going to give to Erving to tell him she can’t do the concert because she also felt like something terrible was going to happen to her, and all Bess can do is repeatedly laugh at the word, “Flee.”

Hey, too bad “Honest Abe” is missing his head, otherwise he could tell us whodunnit.

Wow, yall. Bess is my favorite.

You know, the funniest thing about this is that you can definitely tell how many of the games I played between writing my horrible novel at the age of ten and writing this. If this thing had better dialogue and more fleshed out story/characterization, I could picture this as an actual game, not gonna lie.

And… maybe if it didn’t involve removing the whole-ass head of the Lincoln statue…

Yanno, tiny details like that.

Lyza: *laughing* Scared you, didn’t I?

Bess: Oh, “scared’"is such a strong word. I’d say more… "severely startled.”

So Erving reveals to Nancy that he’s actually not dumb as bricks, but puts up the facade because he’s broke and doesn’t want anyone thinking he’s not still super rich and air-headed. I’m crying.

You sensed something bad was going to happen. You should have called the police to stand guard! Not some amatuer teenager who calls herself a detective and her little friend!

…. The pervert has a point.

So Lyza likes to meddle in people’s business. Ryan had written about Blake’s advances in her journal and Lyza blackmailed her about it, Terri blamed Ryan for Blake’s attempted cheating. Blake tried to bribe Ryan into going out with him by telling her he’d discovered a way to get his hands on a fabulous collection of priceless jewels, and Terri broke it off with him. He’s upset, Ryan’s pissed that Terri thinks she went along with Blake, Erving borrowed money to organize the benefit concert (in order to benefit himself) and now he’s in even deeper debt because the concert has been cancelled and Lyza is having a fuckin field day.

BOY AM I ON BOARD FOR THIS SHIT.

Before he came into wealth, Erving worked in a museum in Chicago, and Bess finds a piece of paper on the floor of Ryan’s trailer with the phone number to this exact museum. Nancy calls to see if there is any connection between that museum and the Lincoln Memorial and apparently there’s a theory that the head of the Lincoln statue contains jewels that the museum talks about in a part of their exhibit.

*kronk’s face* Oh yeah. It’s all coming together.

Nancy: For all I know, you could be the murderer.

Erv: Why would I do that? I needed the money from the concert!

Nancy: No you didn’t. You could’ve just–I dunno–stolen the head of Abe over there in search for the ALLEGED JEWELS INSIDE.

Ya’ll… please don’t ask me how the FUCK one person would get tools to remove that head without anyone noticing. Please.

Blake: Hey, guys, have you seen Ryan anywhere?

Nancy: Why? You gonna ask her out again?

Kjdbfisfdosidnf FUCKIN’ SAVAGE, NANCE.

oH MY GOD THE CULPRIT SLIPPED UP SO EASILY I’M SCREAMING.

oH my god, Nancy told Erving they needed something to pick the lock on one of the trailers and he’s all: “Like a bobby pin?” And just takes off his hat, removes a bobby pin, and “lets his long hair cascade down and over his shoulders like a waterfall” and I’m crying. I can’t fuckin’ breathe.

Oh shit, wait… the first culprit was actually covering for the real culprit all along I’m losing my mind. My twelve-year-old brain was so advanced I just threw a curveball at myself sjdbfshdbfagh

Okay, so I’m not gonna spoil anything because I think it’s hilarious to keep you all wondering what the fuck is going on and who the hell did it and why, but I would just like you all to know that this play literally ends with one of the characters singing Hannah Montana’s “The Best of Both Worlds” completely off key because I thought it would be hilarious and I think that really tells you a lot about who I am as a person.

#I'm so sad I dont have more things to live react to cause holy shit is this so much fun jxnzjznsksks #nancy drew #nd humor #nancy drew humor #clue crew #long post #have fun guys this went way longer than I'd expected it to jxbsjjsja

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borisbubbles · 4 years

Text

25. PORTUGAL

Elisa - “Medo de sentir”

youtube

We’ve finally crossed over into the “I like this” territory :-) Let’s celebrate by booting another ballad ^_^

Song Analysis

This will be short and sweet though, since there isn’t much to say. “Medo de sentir” basically the Marie Myriam of its national final: It is a cromulent ballad that did nothing wrong and is solidly good, but not great in all the relevant areas (vocals, composition, staging).

I mean,

Even so, Elisa gave me a few small nuggets that warmed me to her, serving DRAMAFACE in the FdC Semi

and LOOKS in the Finale:

Peach puffy sleeves that rival Leonor Andrade’s legendary shoulder pads as a fashion statement <3 (honestly, this is pretty subdued for FdC fashion even? Hold on until I get talk about Felipe in the NF Corner)

Honestly, you may wonder why I like this more than “Répondez-moi”, but I don’t really have a reason - unless you’re willing to accept “Medo de sentir is underrated, is performed by a Weird Indie Girl and is from a criminally overlooked Eurovision country” as valid argumentations. Oh and while I only *very* mildly like Elisa, it is a decision I made myself, completely free of the social pressure I feel whenever Gjon, or heaven forbid, Roxen or Diodato, pop up.

Furthermore, the fact that I still like Elisa even after she won her NF also speaks greatly in her favour. I’m not sure if you were aware of how good FdC was this year? Well, sit down because you are about to witness it!

NF Corner

Remember how old Eesti Laul’s neck was snapped and its corpse was urinated on by the shit Estonians? Remember how the quirky indie weirdo entries had to find a safe haven elsewhere in Europe? The Portugese hallmark traits of “Not Giving A Fuck”, “Doing Our Own Thing No Matter What” and “What Do You Mean This Isn’t A Vimeo Showreel?” allowed for Festival da Canção to absorb Eesti Laul’s broken spirit and channel it from every (Ley-La-)Ley-Line.

and since this is the first *GREAT* 2020 NF I am covering, I will do HONORABLE MENTIONS before I actually review my four choices :o

Dubio - “Ceguiera”: Hamburglar-looking goddess <3333

MEERA - “Copo de gin”: Pure EL-style EDM *and* it’s about drinking gin, needless to say this song is basically *my anthem*. Jimmy P - “Abensonhado”: Rap rarely is my thing, let alone three minutes of it non-stop. Having said that, this is genuine and dramatic and Jimmy is flanked by a GOSPEL CHOIR (dressed in chasubles!!!) who support him in ENGLISH... I am not made of stone. JJaZZ - “Agora”: Totally slept on this weird indie anthem, but then they showed up looking like this:

and yes, it was even funnier in motion (sadly gif’ing rights are reserved to the Elite 4 soz) Elisa Rodrigues - “Não voltes mais”: a jolly tropical ballad in a genre I recognize but cannot name (some sort of pimba fado jazz? Does this work?) and was incomprehensibly hated by the Portuguese? Will I ever understand how this country operates? Probably never. Kady - “Diz so”: another pimba fado jazz sort of thing? My friend André (who is from Brazil) tells me it’s actively parodying Brazillian counterculture and leftist stereotypes which is such a random quirk to put in a Portuguese music comp <3

And before we move on, I’ll chuck in a very speclal DISHONORABLE mention for our good friends Blasted Mechanism.😈 I actually forgot to do my jury duties for ESCUnited here, so I’ll just let James (the person with the best taste on our team, including yours truly) do it for me:

Fucking *TRUTH*. “Rebellion’”s problem has always been a lack of motherfucking balls. Sure, these middle-aged steampunkers attempt to implement a genre shift between indie rock and fucking ORCHESTRAL METAL/HIP HOP and make it so underwhelming and pathetic? People blame the live, and yes it was *bad* (forever cackling at “REBELGIUM” tho), but it was the studio that failed to deliver on the promises it made. It always surprises me when people (Sean and Roy I AM coming for you) slam "Verona” for being a “fanwank” and then fall for a Rebellion which is basically a fanwank for heterosexual snobs. #ShotsFired.

Now, as for the actual Boris faves, LET US START WITH A LIBERAL DOSE OF ASKEW CUBISM

Judas - “Cubismo Enviesado”

youtube

VÊS OU NÃO? VÊS OU NÃO? VÊS OU NÃO? VÊS OU NÃO? VÊS OU NÃO?

WHAT A FUCKING SPANDEX CATASTROPHE. “Cubismo enviesado” is a horrible song, the choreography looks like it had been conjured up during a particularly drunk night of bedroom karaoke and Judas can’t hold a tune for the life of him. The lyrics don’t even make sense in Portuguese <33333 It is an art school project gone disastrously wrong. NEEDLESS TO SAY, I AM OBSESSED.😍

Filipe Sambado - “Gerbera Amarelo do Sul”

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That look

The regal panache

Those... leather shorts?

IT IS SO QUEER I LOVES IT. As with Cubismo, I am fucking OBSESSED. However, unlike Cubismo, “Gerbera amarela do sul” is *legitimately* great, lol. In addition to having a KICK-ASS fado rhythm and the off-the-charts visual components (the jewellery! the hats! the throne! the hand choreography!), the lyrics are highly intelligent poetry geared at dismantling upper class snobism.😍 Rare to find an entry that kicks ass on SO MANY levels. Even harder to see it lose to Elisa Myriam - but I’m not sad it lost because, you know, it would have befallen the same fate as a “Telemóveis”. At least his existence makes the memory-holing of Achille Lauro’s ICONIC Virgin Queen Cosplay so much easier to stomach.

Throes & The Shine - “Movimiento”

youtube

I mean, entries that open like THIS:

are instantly iconic, ngl. The best FdC entries offer a great triple of great looks, unplugged stubborn artistry and fun quirky rhythmes. Throes + The Shine pass this with flying colours and I mean, THOSE sunglasses alone yank up the laugh-out-laugh factor to astronomical levels. add in a hilarious choreography, sound effects that seemingly imitate duck mating noises and three very attractive men (in 2020! the concept!) and it’s an instant fave right there.

AND THEN MADE THEIR ENTRY EVEN BETTER BY ADDING MIDNIGHT GOLD/JOWST EFFECTS TO THEIR STAGING. 😍😍😍😍

MANCHAS DE LAMA NA SUA PELE

HEROES. 😍😍😍

and of course, this wouldn’t be a 2020 NF without an obvious runaway fave losing at the last minute:

Bárbara Tinoco - “Passe-partout”

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SHE IS TINY <3333:

She’s like a human bonsai... or a personal attack chincilla.

Okay, so Portugal were *THIS close* to out-France’ing the French with this sassy Zazballad, served with a generous dollop of parisian accordion and stank reaction shots.

Yet another entry that shamelessly uses an attractive man as a boytoy prop <333 For a brief moment, Bàrbara and Tiago establish themselves as a pair of lovestruck La La Land idiots, gearing themselves towards the EPIC moment where she will dump him... and then this happens before the first chorus:

Barbara opens up a can of dancer carbs and it completely fucks up her no-bullshit keto diet.

Those dancers man. They aren’t a *bad* addition in itself, but if your thing is “romance ballad but *plot twist* it’s actually an end of romance ballad get lost loser” do not burn the clou within the first minute of the performance to a group of dancers who don’t even dance *along with the beat of your song*. UGH.

(and also, more devastatingly, the reduce tiaGOD’s airtime how dare they grrr)

Fortunately though, I have learned to appreciate the wrecktitude of it all because it caused one of the funniest downfall narratives in recent ESC history. The Portuguese were, of course, foaming at the mouth with all the decisions Bárbara had made (not even for the points I raised, necessarily?) and Bárbara was having none of it. It went kinda like this

Juries: EWWW DANCERS AND CHOREOGRAPHY YOU ARE RAPING YOUR OWN SONG YOU PHILISTINE WHORE. Bárbara:

Juries: WOW WHAT *ARROGANCE*!! YOU THINK YOU CAN WIN BUT BOY DO WE HAVE NEWS FOR YOU :-)

and lo hand behold, the finale rolls on and Tinoco’s dancers are still there, and are even *MORE* present than they were in the semi (but also in sync with the beat) and Bárbara gets promptly jurydunked into third place. 😍 Even though she has the *ONLY* song in FdC that could have qualified in its semifinal. 😍 A woman who stands three apples tall trolling an entire nation and juries because she knew she had gold in her hands and then getting rigged out of the easiest nf victory out of pure SPITE 😍 WHAT AN ARC. 😍

Portugal 2020 vs Portugal 2021

Elisa probably would not have qualified. I’m not sure how popular of an opinion this is, but I prefer the semifinal performance of “Medo de sentir” and that wasn’t the staging they were going for. Not many people seemed to care either way, and that’s usually the death sentence for Portugal.

Elisa won’t be back for 2021 or whenever Eurovision is rebooted. :sigh: Fuck you, Coronavirus.

Freaky! Friday! Factor!

See: NF Corner:

Score: 4 Senhits out of 5.

#Eurovision 2020 #Eurovision #Eurovision Song Contest #Portugal #Elisa #Medo de sentir

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i-lost-my-heart-in-republic-city · 4 years

Note

answer all the questions in that ask thing, or go through it and just answer all the ones u rlly rlly want to

Sorry this took so long, but you asked for all of them and Iam very emotional.

1. What episode of Steven Universe got you hooked on the show?

I started watching shortly after Jailbreak came out so I’m not sure if I can pinpoint exactly where I got hooked, but I think it was around Coach Steven of Mirror Gem/Ocean Gem when it really got me. Although, I will say when Sworn to the Sword came out, that’s really when I knew this was it for me.

2. Are you the type to watch episodes as they air, or do you just get your fill of Steven Universe online?

I tried to live watch episode premieres as much as I could, or watch them the day they were posted online by CN. I really tried to make an event out of them, and I’m glad I did.

3. What’s your favorite quote out of the entire show?

It’s really hard to pick just one. Maybe “You have to be honest about how bad it feels, so that you can move on.” - Connie in Mindful Education. Really feeling that one right now.

4.In what ways has Steven Universe inspired you?

I really feel like it has inspired me to live. I havestruggled with depression and anxiety since a young age, so it can be hard todo that. Steven Universe gave me something to look forward to, made the world abetter place. When I was hurting it provided me with comfort and happiness. Thereisn’t another show out there that’s like it for me.

5. Has Steven Universe actually taught you lessons?

Yes, oh god yes. It has helped me to be more honest withmyself and with others. I don’t think I would’ve come out to my family if itweren’t for this show. Over the years, it has really helped me to learn to letgo of shame, and guilt, and self-hatred I had carried around for so long. I wouldn’tbe the person I am today without this show.

6. Favorite character design and why?

I really liked Garnet’s wedding outfit, mixing both the gownand tux. I’m a big Garnet/Rupphire stan and it was just great to see them embracethe queerness of the whole situation, and that it was love, something to becelebrated.

7. Has the show ever gotten an intense emotional reactionout of you? (ex - crying, fear, anger)

I’m crying right now about it, does that answer yourquestion?

8. Do you associate any songs with any characters in StevenUniverse?

I associate Can’t Hold Me by Emily King with Stevonnie becauseit was used in that episode, and I love Stevonnie.

9. Gush about your all-time favorite episode real quick.Just go on a long, rambling tangent about how much you love it. Do it. We’relistening.

For the series proper, it’s Reunited. I love that episode somuch and it makes me cry every time I watch it. Growing up I fell into the ‘notlike other girls’ phase because I was not interested in love and romance likeall my friends seemed to be, and I had no desire to go on dates with guys. Irealize now that I rejected these things because they didn’t fit me. I didn’t wantto be with a guy, and never saw myself in any of the traditional media. Ireally am a bit of a hopeless romantic though. Now that I am more confident inmyself, and understand my feelings better, I’ve really gotten to enjoy thispart of myself.

Ruby and Sapphire are the first couple I really got to experiencethis with, seeing them being cute and together and in love, and the wedding isthe accumulation of all of that. Getting to see these two women in love witheach other celebrate that love as the beautiful thing it truly is means theworld to me. After years of watching this show and growing with it, this episodewas the moment were I finally let go of all my self-hatred for being queer. I justknew in my soul that every hateful thing I had heard or been told about beingqueer was wrong, and that this was the truth, love was the truth. It wasn’tsomething instantaneous, it was something I had been working towards for years,but this episode marked the turning point for me.

10. Gush about your all-time favorite SU character realquick. Just go on a long, rambling tangent about how much you love them. Do it.We’re listening.

I already gushed about Ruby/Sapphire/Garnet a little, solets do Pearl. I just love how even after all she’s been through, she is stillsuch an independent spirit. I know her whole past with Pink/Rose wascomplicated but she still isn’t here to let anyone tell her what to do. She’ssmart, and creative, and resourceful, and goofy and she knows these things butshe also has a lot of self-doubt and seeks validation from others. I relate.But she worked through those things and is in a better state now. Even thoughshe still hurts and is still dealing with the trauma, she is so much better.

I also really relate to how she feels about loving someoneand them not feeling the same way/it not working out. As much as I love Rubyand Sapphire’s relationship, I also think I need Pearl. She defined herself forso long by her relationship but she is her own amazing person. Growing up, Isaw many messages about not letting a relationship with a boy define you. Butwhat about a relationship with a girl? I think there can be so much pressure toprove that you’re really gay by always being in that kind of relationship. ThatI’m not truly queer because of my lack of experiences with women. But that isn’ttrue. Being queer is a part of who I am and that doesn’t change just because Iam or am not in a relationship. My feelings can still be an important part ofme without having to define me by my relationship status, just like Pearl.

11. What fusions do you want to see in the show, and whowould you like them to be voiced by?

I would probably most like to see a fusion of Steven andLapis. Her only experience with fusion was her toxic relationship with Jasper.So I would really like her to have a positive experience with fusion, based ofthe friendship and love she and Steven have for each other. I have no idea whowould voice them though.

12. Which episode do you think has the best aesthetics?

I mean Steven’s fusion dance in Change Your Mind isabsolutely gorgeous. James Baxter ain’t a legend for nothing, and I’m gladRebecca held on to that favor from him. Just everything, Connie’s little walkback, the way White Diamonds eyes open, its all wonderful.

13. List any headcanons you have about any characters.

Pearl is in a happy polyamorous relationship with Bismuth,Volleyball, and Amethyst.

14. Favorite arc out of the show? Why?

The Wedding Arc for reasons I’ve already talked about above,but also Diamond Days because it was everything the whole series was buildingtowards. Just the whole message about how systems hurt people who are deemed ‘different’but that there is hope for a better future with compassion and love, and notbeing afraid to share your feelings is something I really needed.

15. Have you ever made any jokes based on the show? Whichones were the funniest?

So many. One of my most popular was this post from way backwhen in early 2016.

Want a joke for the final? Maybe the real treasure insideRose’s chest was the friends we made along the way.

16. Most misleading episode summary of all time?

I know people freaked out about Rocknaldo because cartoonnetwork promoted it by advertising the appearance of a new gem. I mean, youcould argue technically it was true because Ronaldo made a gemsona, but that isdefinitely not what people took it to mean. I wasn’t really buying it though,cause the title was Rocknaldo. People hate on that episode and I think it’sbecause of the false advertising. It’s really funny though and has one of thebest jokes. “Rock people. They’re putting fluoride in the water supply- Whatthe-They hate men?!”

17. Has Steven Universe inspired any creative ideas ofyours?

I rewrote sleeping beauty but with lesbians because of thisshow. Does that count?

18. If you are a fanartist, which SU character is theeasiest for you to draw?

Not a fanartist, but Amethyst is the easiest for me to drawbecause she’s basically just circles.

19. If you are a fanartist, which SU character is thehardest for you to draw?

Maybe White Diamond, because she’s so detailed. Also, I strugglewith Pearl’s nose lol.

20. If you are a fanfic writer, which SU character is theeasiest for you to write?

Not really a fanfic writer, but Ruby and Sapphire maybebecause I’m gushy like that.

21. If you are a fanfic writer, which SU character is thehardest for you to write?

Jasper. I have a complicated relationship with her, but Iloved her in Future.

22. Have ever practiced voice acting using SU characters? Ifso, which character can you do the most successful impression of?

I don’t practice voice acting, but I do mimic lines from theshow. I think I sound most like White Diamond, hoo boy.

23. Have you ever sang along to SU songs? Which one is theeasiest for you to sing along to?

All the time, in the car, in the shower, around my house. Myfavorite is Here Comes a Thought, because it just helps me so much with myanxiety. The Tale of Steven and Let Us Adore You are definitely in the sweetspot of my vocal range though.

24. Have you ever imagined any of the human characters asgems?

Not really, I’ve more so imagined the gems as humans.

25. Are you big on AUs? Have you created anyyourself?

I like human gem AUs and college AUs.

#Steven Universe #Steven Universe Future #Pearl #Ruby and Sapphire #su spoilers #Reunited #Change Your Mind #teakayblog #this some person shit for me to me talking about tho #for real

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ohnohetaliasues · 4 years

Text

Stones to Abbigale {Ch. 3+4}

(Kat)

I’m doing chapter four also since chapter three is so short.

I hate this book thoroughly.

But here we go.

Briefly after I fell asleep that night I had a dream about Abbi,

Please don’t go the way I think this is going.

it was the first dream I had experienced in some time. I'm not normally the type of person to be deeply impacted by dreams as more often than not I can control them. I can recognize the fact that I'm in a dream and twist things around so that whatever is making me afraid becomes afraid of me. This tactic however could not possibly work in this soon-to-be nightmare, as there was no living monster waiting around the corner. There was no emotion in this machine that was about to reveal itself to me. I could only watch without a physical form. I was just a helpless spectator in my own mind.

Okay so that was actual word salad.

The dream began without any sound; only a deep hum accompanying what appeared to be Abbi laughing in a field of what looked like gray grass from a far. As my view of her revealed more detail I began to realize that what I thought was grass was actually long slender claws.

So this girl is just...

In a field of claws?

Experiencing a more alarmed spectrum of emotion, the audible hum cut out and was replaced by Abbi's screams. The sounds echoed bouncing off the walls of my mind splitting me in two and engulfing the core my being.

I’m so fucking confused.

She was not forming any words in her screams and I began to understand why the more I analyzed every detail. I shifted my perspective to a new angle. I was now above her looking down and could see the claws were pulling her into the ground. She showed no resistance to being dragged into the ground, she didn't even cry for help, she would only scream in pain as she slowly sank beneath the surface. I began to distinctly hear blades and gears violently turning just beneath her.

I cannot fucking picture this happening for the life of me.

It's difficult to explain, but in her eyes I could see she didn't want to be saved as she genuinely felt she had earned the suffering she was enduring.

Edgy as fuck, okay.

She believed she deserved to be ground up until there was nothing left. Once she was pulled completely under I was finally given a physical form in the dream. Dropping from above I landed on the soil she disappeared in. I immediately dropped to my knees and began digging with my bare hands to get to Abbi. I was only inches deep before the ground ripped open forcing me to jump back.

Okay uh.

I have no valid words that could express how I feel right now.

A deep canyon began to form central to where I had begun digging. The splitting and groaning quickly gained momentum. Ripping and screeching sounds erupted all around me as the earth divided before me at a now crippling rate. A hellish sight consumed my eyes as I looked down on the collapsing landmass below. Powerful machines wielding massive blades swung violently scraping dirt and rock with a sound so tremendous I could only faintly hear the screams of countless desperate humans below.

This is just.

Not okay.

I quickly realized the terrified voices beyond the ripping blades were no illusion.

But this is a dream.

Which means it’s an illusion.

Thousands of lives were being devoured in piles, no person among them begging for life rather, like Abbi, they screamed only from pain delivered not just by the roaring blades and gears, but their very existence itself. Suffering & consciousness had become one in the same.

You are not poetic.

Shut the literal fuck up.

I then woke up to my room filled with sunlight, but it could not change the darkness my dream left me with. I felt something inside me change, almost as if I had seen something I was never meant to and now had to find a way to lose the thick cloud freshly looming over my head.

I hate you.

It is as I said briefly before, I feel like a visitor here, like I'm in this world but not a part of it like everyone else.

Shut up, you pretentious asshole.

I study people and situations to find out how they work and sometimes my dreams fill in the emotions and thoughts I missed while I was awake.

Yes, so you’ve said, in a very creepy non-human way.

Not having to go to school that day due to my suspension I decided to write a letter to Abbi.

Cool. Awesome. This won’t be cringey at all.

It read:"When I look in your eyes... I at times feel a level of sadness I have never felt, as if we, despite barely knowing each other, have been apart for far too long.

Excuse me, that’s incredibly creepy.

When I talk to you it is like I am listening to a voice I've ached for yet haven't heard in a lifetime. Every other experience I have with you seems familiar but at the same time, it hurts, like you would feel if you begged for something and only received it when you had already given up hope.

More word salad.

These feelings are all so strange and evolving at a rate that scares me as they are for someone I am only just now truly getting to know.

Even with my brief presence in your life I've picked up on so much suffering and almost feel powerless to create any change.

This is so alarming and creepy and you need to stop.

There are so many wounds, so many scars, so much I only know enough about to fear. I'm trying to understand. Abbi, you have more pain in your life than I can imagine. I hear it in your voice, I see it in your eyes and in the way you move. I just want to see you smile without there being an ocean wall of tears behind your eyes. I want to hear everything you have to say. I want to find a way to heal the damage done until you can forget it ever existed.

THE ONLY FUCKING PROPER REACTION TO THIS LETTER IS TO MOVE TO ANOTHER CONTINENT.

I sent the letter to her email address, moments later the phone rang. Answering the phone I heard Abbi's voice on the other end.

"Hey, can you meet me at the Quick Shop?" she asked.

I responded, "Did you see my email?"

She replied "Nope, why didn't you just call?"

I said, "It would've been really hard to say over the phone, I had to find the words."

She replied, "Ok, I'll look and then I'll head over."

I then confirmed "Sure, see you there".

Yikes.

Shortly after, I got dressed and skated over to meet her. I arrived quickly, thanks to what seemed to be a record speed for me. However once I arrived I found myself waiting for someone who now had no intention of meeting me. I could only assume I had just made myself look like a huge jerk to her. I attempted to call her from the nearby payphone and she didn't answer.

What did you expect? That she wouldn’t find that fucking creepy?

As I skated home, in my mind, I went through the letter I wrote over and over. I began to blame myself, concluding based on her absence that I must have dug too deep too fast.

I scared her away because I reacted on the emotions I experienced in that dream before actually considering the human being on the other side of the letter.

Yeah, at least you’re fucking self aware for once.

I felt like I was just about finally connect with someone only to ruin everything at the last minute.

That’s your own fault. Don’t bitch about it.

Okay, chapter 4.

My suspension had been lifted and I had just arrived back at Lakewood High. Approaching my history class I could hear people snickering as they watched me walk by.

Someone screamed "Wuss! Learn how to fight!" behind me but I just kept walking.

I feel like I’ve read shit like this before.

Oh.

Yeah, it reads like any angsty Wattpad story ever.

As I sat down in class Mr. Hanson walked up to me, he placed his hand on my shoulder and spoke under his breath so others would not hear "Don't worry about the work you missed, ok James?"

It would be preferable that you didn’t use ‘ok’ instead of the word ‘okay.’

But this is terrible, so I don’t have high expectations. I don’t know what I expected.

I looked up at him and he gave me a slight smile. I suppose it's because he felt bad that I was beaten up shortly after trying to get Jason to leave the class alone. It was a lucky break too considering Mr. Hanson's class was one of the few I didn't stop by to see what work I would miss before beginning my suspension.

No. No. That isn’t this teacher’s job. He needs to grade something, and if James didn’t do the work, it would be immoral to put good grades in the grade book when this is the case.

I approached the art trailer feeling panicked over what to expect. I hated that I said anything to Abbi, that I overstepped my bounds and acted like I knew her when I was only going off my own dream-influenced emotional intuition.

Intuition my ass. That dream means nothing at all. Shut your pretentious mouth.

I felt a conflicted hatred towards myself for jeopardizing a relationship with someone that was so important to me.

MY FUCKING GOD YOU’VE HAD THREE CONVERSATIONS WITH HER.

If she did give up on me, I could only blame myself.

Yes. You can.

Opening the door I could see Abbi wasn't inside, instead there were just pieces of my bear sewn to pieces of her bear sitting on her desk. Maybe I was reading too far into what it meant, I could really only hope that there was something left to us that I could sew back together.

If I have to read another bullshit waxing poetic thing, I’m gonna scream. My eyes are already glazing over.

Walking closer I could see something sticking out just beneath the bear.

It was a note that read: "James, meet me behind the church when you get this."

Immediately, I thought of the church neighboring Lakewood High.

I find it bullshit that James was immediately able to figure out what church Abbi meant when she didn’t even specify which church she was talking about.

I stuffed my backpack inside the desk

Your backpack fits in a desk? Either the desk has a large compartment, your bag is nearly empty, or your bag is very small.

I’m going with the last option because it’s the funniest.

and quickly made my way off campus to meet Abbi.

You left your bag in class and just left?

What is wrong with you?

As I approached the church there was a strong forceful wind blowing behind me that made it feel as if I was being pushed to her by nature itself.

I really hate you pretending to be deep, Onion.

I felt like a fool for thinking that, I'm far too unimportant for any significant force to consciously influence my life. I walked around the church only to hear Abbi say loudly "James!" I turned to see her standing under an overhang that reached out from the church.

That is called an awning.

I walked over to her and began to apologize for the letter, but she cut me off saying "Why did you write that to me?"

A valid question.

I responded "I wanted to separate myself from everyone else in your eyes. I wanted you to know I was trying to understand you, all of..."

She interrupted "How messed up do you think I am James? How screwed do you think my life is exactly? Because if you had any social skills, you might know that saying to someone what you did, is... I'm not damaged goods... I'm not broken!"

Her voice was giving out as she began tearing up. "I'm sorry... I was..." I said, helplessly watching tears fall down her face.

This is a confusing and mechanical interaction.

"I was wrong... but I'm here, and I will be as long as you let me." I said.

She wiped her tears and struggled to speak. "The reason you saw what you did, in my eyes, my voice..." she continued to struggle as she cried "You saw the bruises from my ex, but you wanted to know everything."

You two have known each other for two fucking days. Like, you’ve only spoke four times now.

She paused to wipe her tears again. I listened carefully as she continued to speak "James... I haven't been beaten just one or two times..."

I would care more if there was any buildup to this moment or any character development that would make me like this girl.

But there isn’t.

So I feel nothing while reading this, and that is both incredibly boring and unfulfilling, as well as genuinely kind of creepy.

The fact that this does not evoke emotion in me when I should be feeling some form of empathy instead of the apathy I feel disturbs me.

Abbi said as she looked at me as if every word was agonizing for her to say.

I would like to know why she’s telling this to a guy she barely knows.

With tear soaked eyes she continued, "I've been violated beyond that James... by people who called me their friend, people I trusted took advantage of me and that killed so much of who I am... who I was."

I am so concerned that I don’t feel anything here. Are you guys feeling anything?

Her face was consumed with stress, her body shook but she managed to continue, "My mother abandoned me and left me with my father who doesn't even care if I live..." before she could finish I wrapped my arms around her.

She dug her fingers into my back as she pulled me closer and cried into my chest.

As we held each other I said, "You were never damaged, only changed. Any part of you that you think died is just hidden, waiting to come out when it's safe..."

I want to actually die.

Abbi squeezed me even tighter.

I continued, "Every time I see you, you become more beautiful to me than before."

She gripped me more tightly than anyone ever had. She was finally hearing everything she wanted someone to say to her and I was saying everything I wanted Abbi to hear, that is, most everything.

Okay, cool.

I just... This is such a gross fetishization of abuse? It makes my stomach twist. I also feel strange that I can’t feel any form of emotion for these characters beyond annoyance.

It actually bothers me deeply.

This is the opposite effect you want to have on your readers, Onion. you want your characters to be relatable and real so your readers can connect with them and feel something for them. Well written characters are ones you can get attached to.

These characters are poorly written, which is why I cannot relate to them or get attached to them. I’m not saying I’m any kind of master at writing characters, but Abbi has no personality of her own other than the fact that she’s an abuse victim, and the fact that that is all is concerning. I don’t even know what she looks like.

James is the most pretentious, condescending narrator in the world and it makes me physically recoil while I read from his point of view. He is nihilistic, bleak, creepy, and very flavorless. He’s boring as all hell, and again, I don’t even know what he looks like.

Does Onion just forget to describe his characters? It makes it very hard to visualize anything with them.

Okay. I’ll see you guys in chapter five.

This book is actually repulsive.

~Kat

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abovethesmokestacks · 4 years

Text

I took up this challenge from @heli0s-writes!

Which of your fics….

…did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got?

None??

…got a better reaction than you expected?

I mean... All of them? Really, the reaction of every single fic has been way more than I could ever have dreamed of

…is your funniest?

Probably Home, the fic I wrote for The Masked Writer. I sure had a blast writing it. There was giggling.

…was easiest to write?

Fight Night, maybe? I'm pretty sure I wrote that drabble during a long car ride and it all sort of came out of nowhere.

…is your darkest or angstiest?

Oh, god. Um. There are a few, but Forged is up there. I cried just thinking about it. There is also another but I can’t say which one for... plot reasons.

…is your absolute favorite?

I have a lot of favourites that are my favourites for different reasons. I love the Sweet Dreams-series because it was such a soft thing to write and I got to bake cupcakes for science. I love 365 Days because it's a soulmate AU and I am hopelessly weak for them. Kintsugi because I got to use one of my favourite poems as inspiration.

…was hardest to write?

Hardest in terms of emotional content matter, probably Forged, and the fic that I can’t name from earlier (which now feels really frustrating, but spoilers and all that jazz). Hardest in terms of actually getting it written and researched, probably 365 Days or Sweet Dreams.

…has your favorite lines/exchange/paragraph? (Share it!)

Ooof, it’s a toss up between this one from Forged...

Saint James, I call on you, patron saint of dying people, it hurts so goddamn fucking much please grant me the mercy of death. Saint James, from whom I get my name, patron saint of pharmacists at least give me something to numb the pain. Saint James-

...and this one from Oh, How We’ve Grown:

The house is going up for sale, and you and your brother have been summoned home to wrap up your childhoods and neatly place them in boxes as if cardboard could contain them.

…have you re-read the most?

I reread certain chapters of 365 Days a lot. And Distant Connection. Home when I need a laugh. Cling To You and Cling To Me when I need me some Hal Carter. Like Sleep To the Freezing when I want to remember.

…would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time?

The Sweet Dreams-series. Start off fluffy with just a smidge of angst. There are also cupcakes. With recipes.

…are you most proud of?

Can I say the one I'm writing now for the Stucky Big Bang? It's a very ambitious fic for me in terms of length and content and pairing.

(but really, I am proud of all of them)

I am tagging no one in particular, if you want to do this, feel free to do it!

#tag game #fanfiction

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maxtothemax · 5 years

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Forever - Annotations

Well, here’s the final installment of “Max makes dumb comments in Maximum Ride books” because I finally read Forever and god damn was it a trip. (Seriously, these comments are, dare I say, the funniest I have ever made.) Enjoy!

- This already feels, like, entirely separate from the rest of the series. Even the way the book jacket is designed. It’s odd.

- “I know what you want” Um, I kinda want this book to not exist in the first place

- Are you really assuming someone would pick up the 9th book w/o having at least read one other book in the series?? [By that point, it’s like, if you’re confused that’s your own fault bud]

- Explosives are really different from volcanoes, though!

- “The sulfur levels just tripled!” How does he know that??

- “We need to find Dylan” Why? He sucks!

- [about Dylan/Max romance] Jesus Christ. I thought we were over that.

- Y’know, this is kinda just making me sad for a variety of reasons

- That’s also just not how mutation works. [Later the weird mutant monsters were revealed to be cyborgs of some sort but. Still.]

- They’re all gonna die of infections

- [General comments about neglecting medical care, because I’m a realist and they should’ve all died from infections by now.]

- *The flock finds a laptop* Me, mockingly: “The cottage looked like it hadn’t been lived in in years!1!!!” :/

- “I know it makes no sense, but don’t question it” Just like everything else in this goddamn series

- This book is horribly depressing

- Why do I get the feeling this “mysterious young man” is Dylan [who supposedly died like 30 pages ago]

- The red-haired wonder strikes again

- Again, JP fails at coming up with good names (he named a character HORSEMAN) (it’s supposed to be like “horseman of the apocalypse” or whatever but STILL)

- He’s gonna get lung cancer

- “Iggy had always been so good at neutralizing tension” Bitch, where??

- Apparently we haven’t learned that splitting the flock is a bad idea :/

- [Misc. comments about “it can’t possibly have been two years since that thing happened in the series, what the fuck are you on, James”]

- Angel has actually been an eldritch abomination this whole time

- When has Fang ever been rational?

- ...and that’s how you get away with putting a sex scene in a YA book

- He’s going to get an infection and DIE

- Since when does Total actually bark??

- Oh come on. No one’s ever gone forever in this series.

- Weird smell?

- What, exactly, was the point of this?

- the FUCK?

- The worst thing is I know she’s not dead, and this whole subplot is just one big plot hole

- “I wondered if the bird had been ill or pull of poisonous chemicals” According to Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring, most birds are!

- “Life always managed to surprise you with child assassins at just the right moment.” I want that on a t-shirt

- “Pretty sure that’s not how evolution works” Hey. That’s my catchphrase.

- What, she’s just gonna pop up as a plot device and then disappear?

- It was a Catholic school, actually

- I’m pretty sure he’s not capable of flirting, but whatever

- “The Gasman is dead. The kid blew himself up” Lmao I wouldn’t be too sure about that

- Maybe shutting your eyes would work too?

- That’s not how that works!

- He can’t understand you, you fool

- “The poor guy couldn’t help it if he’d been programmed with the intellectual capabilities of a Tickle Me Elmo” That’s so mean but so fucking funny

- Max doesn’t ever learn from experience, I guess

- This is surreal and also pointless

- what even

- wHAT

- “It was Dylan” Called it

- “Jeb” BASTARD MAN

- “You bastard” mood

- FUCK

- Are you kidding me. None of this makes any narrative sense.

- “Dylan you saved our lives” “It’s what any of you would’ve done” ...no, it’s not, really

- As I keep reminding you: Fang did die that one time

- He DID die that time!!

- [Just a lot of me reminding everyone that Fang’s heart stopped for a whole five minutes three books ago]

- “Gazzy’s a lady-killer” Since when?? He’s nine

- ...Why didn’t any adults [aside from the evil ones] survive the apocalypse?

- “Max was their only chance at saving the world” Why?? She’s just one person!

- STOP BEING MEAN TO ARI [he’s dead for fuck’s sake, like for real this time]

- “...a prep school voice said from the doorway” What’s that supposed to mean?? What is a prep school voice??

- “Consider yourself judged” Me @ Dylan from the very beginning

- Everything in this book just makes me go “what the fuck” a little bit more each time

- Two! People! Can’t! Repopulate! The Earth!! That causes inbreeding, dumbass!

...and also mathematically it just doesn’t work like that

- “I’m pregnant.” [pregananant. pregante. pregonate. gregnant. prengan. pregnart. okay I’m done]

1. How in the fuck does she know that

2. Why was JP so desperate to reuse this shitty weird plot arc from The Lakehouse?

- Like, seriously. How old is Max by now? 16? 17?

TOO FUCKING YOUNG

- I’m so sick of hearing about Dylan’s eyes

- This is some weird shit, even for Maximum Ride

- [@ Dylan sacrificing himself to resurrect Fang] Jesus fucking Christ, dude

- So... no egg?

BONUS: my reaction to an ad in the back for the rest of the series that says “start anywhere, but you won’t be able to stop until you finish!”

YOU CAN’T JUST START ANYWHERE, YOU BUFFOON!

#they speak #maximum ride #annotations #forever #i think i'm funny and i am #i almost died of laughter typing out the alternatives for pregnant

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annabethj · 7 years

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percabeth - hookups + hangovers

Annabeth can remember everything up to about 11:00. It was all loud music, shots, and people wearing far too small clothes. Her roommate, Piper, had dragged her to her boyfriend’s party. Now, Annabeth really wasn’t that much of a party goer, but she figured with a friend it would be slightly more bearable. Surely it would be- but she wouldn’t know because Jason had pulled Piper away within minutes and the only thing she had heard of her trusty friend since was loud moaning as she passed a closet.

As far as she was aware, the night had consisted of nothing but innocent fun for her. Sure, she had gotten black-out drunk, but it wasn’t the first time. She always ended up on one of her friend’s couches with a pounding headache, which she was fine with. Today, however, was different. As her eyes dragged open, she did not see a roof, or a blanket, or a pillow. To her horror, she was met with skin. Of a chest. Of a guy.

Her stomach lurched. Suddenly her hangover became all too apparent. Her head pounded. Moving to sit up, she felt strong arms tighten around her waist.

Shit, this is real. Quickly glancing around, she saw the guy she had -ahem- had fun with. Black hair was stuck to his forehead, and long eyelashes splayed across smooth cheeks. His chest moved evenly, which meant he was still in deep sleep. Careful to not wake him, Annabeth crawled out of his arms. He shifted in his sleep and let out a soft groan but didn’t wake up.

She’ll admit, he was quite cute. Drunk Annie had chosen well. Shivering, she looked for her clothes- well, any clothes really. She found her shirt and shorts and quickly slipped them on. Her other things were strewn across the room, and she gathered them as efficiently as possible. His bedroom was nice. Very classy, actually. Not something she would have expected from a party hookup, but she wasn’t complaining. Guilt almost creeped into her chest because of the mess they had drunkenly made of it.

Not that she had ever done something like this before, but she was pretty sure you were supposed to leave. If she didn’t have any memory of it, surely he wouldn’t either, and it would be quite the shock to wake up with a girl in your bed. So, she should go, right? Strangely, she was hesitant, and she didn’t know why. Brushing it off, Annabeth figured she was just tired, and needed some water. And an aspirin too.

He wouldn’t mind if she stole an Advil and a glass of water, would he? It would take like 3 seconds and then she’d be gone. It was a big apartment, and she almost got lost looking for the kitchen. Along the way, she couldn’t stop herself from looking at the picture on the walls. She knew it was kind of an invasion of privacy, but they didn’t have a whole lot of privacy at this point anyways.

There was a picture of a woman with red hair and a man with black hair smiling at each other. The same people were in a few wedding photos, but you could never see the guy’s face. The woman was absolutely gorgeous though. Annabeth figured these people must have been his parents. A few more pictures with the same people later and she saw something that made her heart sink.

A baby. A cute, sweet little laughing baby, sitting in a frame on the kitchen table. She didn’t know if the baby was a boy or a girl, but it looked a whole lot like the boy who she had just crawled away from. That wasn’t what concerned her. For all she knew, this was him as a baby. The only thing that concerned her was the hair. The caramel brown that sat on the baby’s head was so different to the stark black she’d seen. She knew plenty of babies that had hair that changed colour over the course of her life, but somewhere, deep down, she knew that wasn’t the case.

Panic flooded her body, and she looked back at the wedding photos. Somehow, the dark haired boy she had woke up to and the in-love married man in this picture started to look very, very similar. For the second time today, her throat clogged up. He was married. He was in love. He got drunk, and took Annabeth back to his apartment. And if she didn’t get out of here, his wife would come home and know what happened. It would break her heart, and she would break his. Divorce. His cute, innocent little baby would grow up without a father and then once he’s older his mom would tell him the tale of the blonde haired, grey eyed minx who slithered into their bedroom.

Annabeth could not be that person. She would not be that person. Screw the Aspirin, she’d get a cab and be on her way. The only thing she really needed was a glass of water, as her throat felt like it was going to dry up completely. Her fingertips clung to the cool glass as she filled it with water and drank quickly. Water fell as she let the tap drip, and she placed her head in her hands. Deep breathes, Annie, she told herself.

She don’t know how long she sat like that, the only thing keeping her from sobbing being her sheer willpower. A happy family was never something she thought she would have. Her childhood admittedly hadn’t been great, and that may have affected her outlook on love and all that. She felt awful. As a kid, all she wanted was parents who loved her, loved each other. That little baby boy or girl would have had a perfect family, maybe even another sibling, and Annabeth ruined it.

At the sound of rustling behind her, she whipped around. The boy was still shirtless, not that she was complaining, but he’d put some pants on. He let out a small yawn and stretched, his eyes closed. And then he opened them again, and Annabeth almost let her jaw go slack. Slices of vivid green peeked out beneath long black lashes. His hair looked really soft, and she wanted to touch it. Muscles rippled down his body, and you could see them in every movement. He reminded Annabeth of a trouble maker, or perhaps a skater. She wondered if his hands were calloused and what it would feel like- what it felt like- to have them in the curve of her waist, and on-

“Is this your sister?” It was hard to process. Suddenly he was looking straight at her. Nod, she thought. All you have to do is nod, and then this is over. And then we can go our separate ways and neither of us never have to worry about this again. Except she didn’t nod. She wanted to scream and yell No! You idiot, that’s your little girl! But she held her tongue.

It was a good thing, too. Because when she used her big brain for just a second, things didn’t add up. Why was he wearing the clothes from the night before if he had a wardrobe? And who were the good majority of the people in the pictures everywhere? This apartment was not only far too expensive for a college student, but it was quite a ways off campus, now that she thought about it. Most importantly, why the fuck was he asking her who the baby framed on his kitchen table was? Realization hit her like a brick. This guy didn’t have a kid, and he didn’t remember anything about last night, and this definitely was not his apartment.

“I don’t- Um, I mean- this isn’t…” Her heart sank to her stomach. She was getting tongue tied in front of this stupid guy who she’d already slept with for the love of god. But his eyebrows were pulled together in a cute way that made him look totally lost and helpless. Somehow, Annabeth knew what she had to do.

“This isn’t my apartment.” The reaction was practically instant. His head tilted, his eyes widened, his brow furrowed even more. It looked unintentional, but his hands turned and his arms angled into a “what?” position. If this wasn’t the worst day of her life, she might’ve giggled and called him cute. A couple seconds passed and Annabeth saw what she said sink in.

“Fuck!” He yelled, in a mad dash for the bedroom they’d ruined. “Can you come make the bed?” And as much as Annabeth really wanted to leave immediately, she couldn’t just let this poor guy take the fall of their mutual mistake. Jogging lightly, she helped him pull the blanket tightly. They fluffed the pillows in silence. He grabbed his shirt from the corner of a desk, and helped her look for her bra under the bed. It was only a little awkward.

Oh, who was she kidding? It was so weird! This guy had seen her totally naked and, well- done things to her. Probably. Hopefully. She didn’t even know his name.

A quiet sound drew them out of the silence. After glancing around, they both decided to see what it was. Don’t be that baby. Please, don’t be that baby. Thank god, it wasn’t. A mean, angry, fat old cat sat on the chair right outside the bedroom.

“When you woke up, was the door closed?” The man asked. She shook her head no.

“So that means-”

“That poor cat’s seen some things,” he finished with a solemn nod. Annabeth found herself laughing. An ugly, awful laugh, as if it’s the funniest thing she’d ever heard. The guy smiled and shook his head. Joy bubbled in her chest, and she tried to squash it. A snort escaped, which made him laugh, too. Soon, they were both bent over in pain from their stomachs. When the laughter finally died down, they wiped tears from their eyes, and he held the door open for her as they left.

The elevator ride was admittedly still kind of awful, but not nearly as bad as it should have been. Annabeth noticed him constantly drumming his fingers on the side of his leg. She thought it was cute. He looked like a James. She should ask for his name. He seemed sweet, and maybe if they hadn’t had such a weird start, things between them would have been way different.

But then the elevator dinged and they walked into the lobby and out of the apartment building. She turned right and he turned left, and that should have been it.

“Blondie, wait!” She heard, and so she turned and rested her hand on her hip. The green eyed boy ran the few yards that were between them now.

“Let’s start over,” he said, breathing heavily. “My name’s Percy, and I think you’re cute. Can I have your number?”

So she grabbed his phone out of his waiting hand and put her number in. Pushing the phone back, she threw a wink over her shoulder and walked past, swishing her hips more than she’d like to admit.

“You didn’t put your name in!” He called behind her. She turned around. “I’ll tell you tomorrow! Dinner at 7, the restaurant down the street. I’ll put the reservation under the name Madison Cornwell.”

“Is that your name?” She laughed. “Nope! Bye, Percy.” He tried to protest behind her, but she didn’t dare turn around. Blood rushed to her cheeks, and she bit her lip. Maybe, just maybe, she’d thank Piper for this stupid party after all.

#percabeth fic #percabeth oneshot #percabeth #percy jackson #annabeth chase #pjo #hoo #pjo fic #pjo oneshot

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calleo-bricriu · 5 years

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All right, all right, I’m less annoyed with the book now to properly explain why I was so annoyed with it earlier.

This one. This book.

I kept skimming and had to pick up again when they stopped rambling about how Mizpra's behaviour isn't her fault and Bald and Bell both had this, "You tell him, no, YOU tell him!" exchange of looks.

Leigh's response is, "Oh, out with it Bald; nothing would disturb me now."

Now, this is either going to be as disappointing as the rest of this allegedly shocking book or the author is finally going to drum up something that's at least a little unsettling. Either way, it’s been the only use of actual foreshadowing the author has used so far.

This time, it's about Leigh's sister Marcia. The one who kept disrobing and yelling about Catholics and ran off with a "big Swede" a few chapters back.

Bald's first order of business was to find Marcia as part of the "wreck Leigh's life" plot.

...and we learn very little new about her; she's still a morphine addict and still an alcoholic and is going to be sent to a private asylum.

While the author is describing them going through the more questionable areas of New York City, the phrase "irresponsible pervert" came up and that is honestly one of the funniest things I've read in this entire book; I'd like to know what the responsible ones are like now.

Anyway, it took 21 chapters of boredom and very little plot to finally get to the one part that's allegedly shocking; my bar has been low for this entire book because, at best, it's been annoying and incorrect between the boring parts where the author--sorry, Leigh--goes on and on and on about how brilliant he is at everything.

So! What's the big, shocking, twisted, horrifying reveal?

Marcia "raised H----- yesterday at the funeral of a girl's kid". I like how Hell was censored, and with a number of unnecessary dashes to censor it; it's four letters, it doesn't need six dashes. Anyway, let's see what, exactly, Leigh's sister Marcia did at a kid's funeral to finally go from, "Whatever, she's just an addict" to "Okay, to the asylum you go."

Jimmy, "the weak-faced young man who was reading the paper", has been called over to explain what happened.

Great, the author is writing Jimmy's accent. So, Marcia got 'kid crazy' a few days ago and brought a "poisoned-eyed, hump-back thing" to her room and made the kid sit on a...throne...and wouldn't let anyone do anything until they bowed before the kid. Even Leigh has no idea what the hell Jimmy is talking about, so that makes two of us.

Thankfully, Leigh is in the story and can ask for some clarification.

Okay so, Marcia is known as the "Queen" which basically means she's the prostitute that makes the most money so she gets to boss everyone around as she pays them as well. And she has a throne in her room. Weird, but okay.

Whatever she did made the morning paper and Jimmy is amazed they hadn't read it, so he went and got a copy.

All right, here we go.

((Nothing I find shocking in here but, for others, there’s a child death and some pretty inappropriate but not illegal behavior at the funeral for said child.))

"One of the most disgraceful affairs that ever occurred in this city was the funeral yesterday of little James Webb, the supposed son of the notorious Marcia Newcomber, or Andersen, as she calls herself. The services were held at a resort conducted by Fanny Bennett, No. 427 ---- Street.

The alleged mother was found by her acquaintances carrying on pornographic orgies over the little boy's deceased body."

Um.

"The body was taken to the ---- Street house Monday night, and a wake was held. It was a drunken debauch of the lowest order, and the presence of the dead had not the slightest effect.

It is said that beer was even poured on the face of the corpse in an effort to get it between the thin, drawn lips, and other shocking revelries were indulged in."

Uh huh.

Two things come to mind here:

1) This was the most shocking thing the author could come up with, otherwise we'd have had more description of the other "shocking revelries".

2) What did anyone think trying to pour alcohol into a corpse's mouth--any corpse, really--would accomplish? This is the sort of thing you write when you're nearly to the end of a book you've titled The Perverts and you realise you haven't really come up with a single shocking or perverted thing and you just sort of go with the first combination of things that might be one of those two options and hope it gets more than an eye roll.

But, okay, I'll be fair, the article isn't over yet.

The rest of it was just people being drunk and swearing at a funeral. That's the most normal part of it.

The pallbearers were drunk and just about dropped the casket more than once which is supposed to be shocking but only sort of made me laugh a bit.

And that part was the last straw for the Minister, not--everything before it. Drunken orgies on top of a dead kid's casket, trying to pour alcohol down the corpse's throat, joking and carrying on and being drunken idiots at the actual service, swearing, showing up high AND drunk, that's all fine, but drunk pallbearers who nearly drop the casket?

Well, that's just unacceptable! That was the Minister’s last straw, not all the other stuff. Minister’s got a high threshold for putting up with nonsense.

The funeral party stopped at several pubs along the way to drink more and at this point it's just sounding like a New York rendition of The Night Paddy Murphy Died, only a slightly stranger.

They get to the cemetery, all completely trashed, Marcia falls over and just sort of lays on the ground screaming, tried repeatedly to jump into the open grave until she was threatened with arrest at which point someone thought it might be a good idea to get her out of there and--the author felt the need to also note in the article that "the women lost their bonnets and cloaks".

Oh no. Not their bonnets and cloaks. What a tragedy.

Then they all started drinking again and the police were called and Leigh finally stopped reading.

OH! OH!!! At the end of the article though, there's an author's note: "This affair was witnessed by the author; and the account is taken verbatim et literatim from the newspaper description. Only names are changed in this account. -- W. H. L."

I feel like he just made that up but, hey, reality can be weird on occasion. Bet if it did happen there's an archive of it somewhere--but, spoiler, I checked. I checked every single paper printed in New York City between roughly the time the author was born and the end of 1901 and there is no record of any even remotely similar event; so, he essentially went with, “This totally happened, you can believe me,” and didn’t bank on anyone doing a fact check on a work of fiction but--if you’re going to interrupt your own terrible fiction story to say, “Okay but THIS part is true! I saw it myself and this is the literal newspaper story, I just changed the names,” I’m going to fact check it and I don’t actually care that it’s been 90 years.

Anyway, back to the chapter, Leigh is understandably a bit shocked and upset by this but that's a pretty fair reaction considering it’s his sister that went off the rails there.

For once he doesn’t have ten pages of pretending he’s a grand philosopher for us, he just kind of sits there stunned like a normal person would be.

So, uh, that was chapter 21.

#if that's the most shocking thing I'm going to read in this book I'm going to be very annoyed #because there are fewer than 100 pages left now #books #fiction #hp rp #child death cw #death cw #funeral guests behaving badly

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justanothercinemaniac · 7 years

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Epic Movie (Re)Watch #157 - Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: Blu-ray

1) Getting any sort of footage or image before a studio logo is exceptionally rare. I appreciate that Paramount and the filmmakers decided to open the film with this dedication:

2) This is an end to a trilogy started by Star Trek II - The Wrath of Khan, as it is a direct sequel to Star Trek III which was a direct sequel to Khan. Leonard Nimoy returns to direct after Star Trek III and decided to give the film a lighter tone as Star Trek was taking itself rather seriously. I think that works for this movie, but I also think the film succeeds because (out of the trilogy) it does the best of examining the crew outside of Kirk/Spock/Bones (as we shall see).

Vulcan Computer [testing Spock’s recovery]: “How do you feel?”

Spock’s emotional arc - though it becomes more subtle as the film progresses - is a nice touch. The dude DIED. He’s not just going to walk away from that scot free. He’s Vulcan, so his intellect has been largely focused on. But it is his emotional recovery - getting in touch with his human side - which carries the Vulcan through this film. And I think it works wonderfully.

4) The noise the alien probe emits has a wonderfully ominous design to it. It is effective and makes you uncomfortable. You know something is up.

The entire idea of a mysterious alien probe with unknown intentions which is creating death and destruction (seemingly involuntarily) is very compelling to me. It is an idea in the same essence of “The Twilight Zone” or even something HG Welles would write. Mysterious, frightening, foreboding, and interesting.

5) This is the last film appearance of Lt. Saavik.

According to IMDb:

A scene written for but cut from the film explained why Saavik stays on Vulcan: she is pregnant with Spock's child, stemming from an event in Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (1984), when she "treated" the young Spock's pon farr. This was the character's final appearance in a Star Trek film.

I’m a little disappointed that Saavik was just kind of dropped. Apparently Nimoy and writer/producer Harve Bennett couldn’t think of anything for her to do in the 20th century, but this was an incredibly interesting and fun character from Wrath of Khan who just lost steam and disappeared. Ah well.

Bones [after Kirk says Spock will recover alright]: “Are you sure? [Beat. Kirk is silent.] That’s what I thought.”

Neither of them are sure if they’re going to get their friend back, but they have to trust him. They have to try. Bones even later tries to strike up a conversation with Spock, checking him both as a doctor and as his friend. These small bits of concern are neatly effective in portraying the conflict Spock (and, in all honesty, the crew) is going through with his emotional recovery.

7) I love this line.

Spock: “There are other forms of intelligence on Earth, doctor. Only human arrogance would assume that [the probe] MUST be meant for man.”

8) So Kirk and the crew end up time traveling to the late 20th century in order to find some humpback wales and save earth from this probe. But here’s the thing: they’re never asked to do that. Quite the contrary, they’re being court martialed. They could spend the rest of their lives in jail. They have the perfect opportunity to escape and live the rest of their lives. But it is at the expense of the human race. It never even crosses their minds to run away. To not help. They take some seriously big risks for people who may jail them forever and without even a second thought. If that doesn’t speak to the character of these characters I don’t know what does.

9) I’ve never watched the original series of “Star Trek” but I know they time travelled before (at least once, maybe more; again I never watched). So I’m glad they include this line.

Kirk [about time travel]: “We’ve done it before.”

10) Man, these time travel effects are trippy. I love it.

youtube

11)

Kirk [about 1986 Earthlings]: “This is an extremely primitive and paranoid culture.”

This has always fucking bugged me in the “Star Trek” universe, although it might just be a personal thing. Yes, the human race as a whole can tend to suck. But why define us by the worst of our elements? Isn’t that just a loud minority? Why not remember the good in history. “This is an extremely primitive and paranoid culture.” What about the people on the Challenger who you dedicated to this film? They weren’t primitive or paranoid? What about people who fight for Civil Rights, Gay Rights, and other social justice movements? Why would we let the worst of humanity define us? I mean really? REALLY!?

Okay I’m done.

12) Leonard Nimoy said he wanted this film to have be lighter and boy is it that. This is by far the funniest Star Trek film ever made. Like, I don’t even know hot to properly communicate how funny it is. Here are some early examples of humor in the film:

Kirk [walking away from an invisible space ship he left in Golden Gate Park]: “Everyone remember where we parked.”

Pawn Broker [about Kirk’s glasses, when they need money]: “I’ll give you $100.”

Kirk [after a beat]: “Is that a lot?”

[Kirk and Spock get on a bus only to immediately walk off of it.]

Spock: “What does it mean, exact change?”

The time travel and 80s setting allow for some fish out of water comedy which is the film’s best feature in my opinion. There are so many brilliant and honest jokes derived from these characters. No one ever acts contrary to who they are. They’re them! They’re the best crew Star Fleet has ever had! But in the 80s...

(GIF originally posted by @andurile)

13) Gillian.

Gillian is a very important and very well done character in the film. She is the outsider. Our tether to reality and a key component to saving the whales (because, again, this is the Star Trek movie where they save the whales). She is unique unto herself, not JUST a plot device and I don’t think even someone for Kirk to get together with (I don’t remember if they kiss or not, but I don’t think so). She is passionate, empathetic and has genuine care for the animals under her care. A great character who I think the film is better off for having.

14)

Kirk [after Spock called him Admiral]: “Jim. You used to call me Jim.”

Kirk is obviously getting frustrated with Spock’s lack of emotional development. He went to hell and back, sacrificed his career and his future, all to save his friend. And now his friend isn’t totally back yet. It hardly leads to a big climactic fight but it is an undercurrent of the film which keeps rearing its head in important and compelling ways.

15) I love this line.

Spock [about whaling]: “To hunt a species to extinction is not logical.”

Gillian: “Whoever said the human race was logical?”

16) Honestly, the way Kirk reacts when he sees that Spock has dived into a tank with two whales in full view of everyone is my reaction too.

17) A little thing that bothers me in this film is when Gillian’s coworker calls her kiddo. He seems to be the same age as her and not her superior in anyway, so what is this demeaning bullshit?

18) Remember how I said this film was hysterical?

I think the pairings of Bones/Scotty and Uhura/Chekov are quite interesting. Even if we don’t get a deep examination of those relationships it’s pairings we haven’t really seen on their own before and which do show us just how comfortable everyone is around each other.

19) I love how Kirk just tells Gillian the truth. Yes he was massively bullshitting her for about twenty minutes but he just sort of lays it all out on the table at the end.

(Screencap originally posted by @icheb-of-nine)

And Gillian doesn’t get angry at this seeming insult of her intelligence and storm off like the cliché is. She obviously doesn’t believe Kirk but she roles with it anyway. Figures what the hell, and it pays off later.

20)

Kirk [to Spock, after he learns they might lose the whales and the earth could be doomed]: “You’re half human. Haven’t you got any goddamn feelings about that!?”

This is sort of the peak of Kirk’s frustrations with Spock. Again it plays out more as a subplot throughout the film but one which gives it heart and warmth. It is after this that Spock sort of starts getting it together.

21) Chekov and the navy is fun (although I don’t like their use of the word, “retard,” in the scene). It showcases the film’s humor beautifully AND allows actor Walter Koening to truly shine.

youtube

22) And THIS is the culmination of Spock’s emotional arc (or at least the earliest example of it):

Spock: “We must help Chekov.”

Kirk: “Is that the logical thing to do, Spock?”

Spock: “No, but it is the human thing to do.”

23) I LOVE Bones in the hospital!

He regrows a woman’s kidney with a pill! First and foremost Bones is a doctor and he will be a doctor no matter where he is or who the patient is. I think it’s great that they actually take this into consideration with his actions.

24) The entire scene where the former-crew of Enterprise (as they are on a Klingon ship now) rescue the whales is great. It is incredibly tense and conflict filled, packed with surprises (such as the ship saving the whales from the whalers while cloaked). All in all, a great climax.

25) This was James Doohan’s favorite line as Scotty.

(GIFs originally posted by @spaicetrek)

26) I love how Kirk’s “punishment” is to demote him from Admiral to Captain (which is something he wanted all along and which everyone knows).

27)

Kirk [after Gillian says she’s on a different starship]: “Why does it have to be goodbye?”

Because this series rarely brings back female characters introduced in the movies, it seems. (I’m thinking mainly of Carol Marcus.)

28)

Spock [after his father asks if there’s anything he wants his mom to know]: “Yes. Tell her...I feel fine.”

And with that Spock’s emotional journey is complete.

29) And the crew is returned to a recommissioned Enterprise. They are home (see title) and this trilogy is complete.

I wildly enjoy Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. You wouldn’t think a Star Trek film where they save the whales would work but it does. The lightened tone is well appreciated as is the choice to focus more on the crew of the enterprise. The humor is phenomenal, the message is heartwarming, and it is just a feel good film all around. A wonderful treat for fans old and new.

#Star Trek #Star Trek IV #Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home #The Voyage Home #The One With The Whales #William Shatner #Leonard Nimoy #DeForrest Kelley #Nichelle Nicholes #Walter Koening #George Takei #James Doohan #Epic Movie (Re)Watch #Movie #Film #GIF

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ohscorbus · 7 years

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Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: Sunday 2nd April, 2017.

This was by far the funniest, most enjoyable performance I’ve seen. I actually laughed more than I cried which is a first! There were a lot of young kids in the audience today who were so enthusiastically honest and loud with their reactions and the cast just seemed to feed off that energy. I loved it. It meant I pretty much made notes on everything though. Well, I say that. This is really 80% Scorpius and Albus, and 20% Draco and me crying over how much I don’t want Alex to leave. You have been warned.

This is a little under 10k+ words of theatre observations, with a few meta ramblings and silly headcanons (that no one should take seriously) thrown in. Have fuuun : )

ACT ONE

Act One, Scene One

I think I’ve mentioned this before but Ginny leans down towards Albus as she spoke to him here and it's exactly how Albus talks to Scorpius. He doesn't do it to anyone else until that very last scene with Harry in the graveyard. It’s little things that this that Sam does that I love. It’s clearly how he speaks to people he’s closest to. Or most comfortable with? It’s really interesting to watch out for.

Act One, Scene Two

Ron and James were giggling and hitting each other when Albus voiced his worry about being sorted into Slytherin. It makes me believe those two have been winding him up about it for some time now. Hermione gave them both this look that soon stopped them from laughing though.

Harry walked over, crouched down in front of Albus (who's sat on his luggage trolley) and pulled his arm so he could turn him round away from the rest of the group and face him. Then as they spoke, Albus was holding onto his dad's wrist with both hands as Harry held onto Albus's forearm. It was a really sweet father-son moment before… you know, it all goes to shit : /

Act One, Scene Three

Scorpius didn't look up from his book (he was fiddling with the ribbon bookmark and reading) when Albus first entered the compartment. It wasn’t until his "that's okay hi" line that he actually looked up and saw Albus today. I think he was feeling a bit like ‘why bother, this one will walk out too once they realise it’s me’ which is understandable since Albus is actually the second student to walk into his compartment. The first boy sat down, took one look at Scorpius and then quickly left : (

The sweets song was a tiny bit different today as it had a bit of an interlude. He sang "sweets!", then sang a little bit of a tune before he finished the rest ("they always help you make friends"). He was so into it, Albus was smiling away.

I don't think Scorpius ever managed to say Voldemort in Part One without saying it in a weird voice and putting his hands up and wiggling his fingers at whoever he’s talking to. Dork.

Scorpius rarely sits still. If ever? He’s always curling up on his seat. Bringing a leg up to his chest and hugging it or tucking one under the other. It’s always something. He never stops fidgeting. How he hasn’t tangled his own legs up and fallen off his chair yet is beyond me.

Albus's "wow" at the end when he's watching the smoke come out of Scorpius’s ears was so delightful. He had this big grin on his face and you could hear it in his voice too. It was the most eleven year old like I’ve heard Albus.

Act One, Scene Four

Scorpius seemed fine with his sorting today, as did Albus. It's actually the happiest I've ever seen Albus be after his sorting. Although I'm pretty sure a large part of that was the geek behind him shouting, "you can stand next to me!"

Albus was smiling as he turned to face him and then kept smiling as he walked towards him and they did a double high five. I’ve seen them miss each other’s hands before but today they got it perfect!

Albus was smiling at Scorpius and paying no attention to anyone else around him. It wasn't until Rose calls out his name and tells him 'this is wrong' that he turns around and sees everyone and his face just drops. This boy does not like attention, does he?

Karl jabbed Albus with his broomstick as he called him the Slytherin Squib. Rude.

Talking of rude, Rose was laughing along with the other students as they taunted Albus. I hadn’t noticed that before. But to be fair, I am usually too busy watching Albus’s sad face.

Can we talk about how sparkly Draco's buttons are please? They’re awfully distracting and kind of mesmerising so shout out to the costume people for making me feel like a Niffler!

Anthony's Scorpius is nearly always looking down as they talk about his mother's death, but today he looked up before asking Albus to be his good friend. Then as they left the stage, Albus was reaching out for him (I've seen him walk off with his hand on his back before) but Scorpius was a little too fast and Albus never quite reached him before they left the stage.

James and Rose high fived when Lily was sorted into Gryffindor. I wasn’t quick enough to catch Albus’s reaction to that.

Act One, Scene Six

Delphi's sudden appearance made Albus jump and he half fell, half leapt down the rest of the stairs and crouched on the floor and hide himself a little by putting the stairs between them. Dramatic much? You'd think someone who's lived with Scorpius Malfoy (who seems to enjoy waking him up by scaring him) for three years now wouldn't be quite as afraid :')

Delphi shook Harry's hand when Amos introduced them. Then as Harry walked off as the scene transitioned into the next, he looked down at his hand and shook it twice. Like you would if they were something on it you wanted off.

Act One, Scene Seven

I like that even though Albus's door is open when Harry appears in his doorway, he still knocks on the door frame before entering.

Watching the blanket go between Albus and Harry is all kinds of fascinating. Harry takes care of it and folds it neatly whenever it's in his possession, whereas Albus always unfolds it and handles it with little respect. It gets worse as the argument builds up.

Harry’s line about not raising to his bait was spoken as he turned headed back towards towards the door. He was leaving before Albus starts antagonising him again.

Jamie was very shouty today, more so than I've ever seen him. It wasn’t even the most emotional I’ve seen him. He was just shouting and snapping quicker and more often than usual.

Once they both started shouting, Harry and Albus were inches away from each others face and at one point Harry raised his hand up near his face and pointed back at himself. But because of the angle at which I was sat, it looked like his fist with under Albus’s chin (which I guess it technically was since they were that close) and I didn’t like that at all. I half expected Albus to move back but he stood his ground.

“Do you want a hand? Packing.” – There’s a pause before this line and Harry changes. It’s ever so slight but you see/hear it in this line. It’s his ‘Harry Potter’ front that Ginny talks about later on. I’ve always noticed this but could never quite understand what it was I was seeing until now. The offer wasn’t him reaching out to Albus (or if it was then he really doesn’t know his son at all), but him trying to regain his hold on the situation before it spirals anymore out of control. Except ‘Harry Potter’ and Hogwarts are probably the two things that push him over the edge. Oh Harry...

There was a delay with the smoke after the love potion hits the blanket. I’ve seen this happen a few times now and I wish it wouldn’t. It doesn’t make Albus’s last line make much sense without it!

Act One, Scene Ten

Rose fussed with Albus's robes as she spoke to him. Like Harry did to him on the platform earlier. She just kind of straightened them for him. Albus didn't seem to care, not until he said he wanted to go and find Scorpius, then he batted her hands away and looked rather annoyed with what she was doing.

Rose turned her back to Scorpius after he told her she smelt of bread and she carried on her conversation with Albus. You could see Scorpius trying to figure out how to fix what he'd said though. He was looking down and up as he racked his brains. Then it came to him, "I mean, nice bread, good bread". He then mimicked breaking apart crusty bread (sound effects and all) and hummed a little tune. Rose was still not impressed. Albus was :') I can totally imagine Albus picking up some crusty bread at breakfast the next day and teasing him (”Mmm fresh bread, it smells so good!”) and Scorpius just faceplanting the table... before quickly sitting up and defending the bread whilst trying to steal it from Albus.

"And now you've found me. Tada!" - Albus is sat down and Scorpius walked right up to him and as he went, "ta daaaaaa!", and waved his robes up like bat wings as he crowded over Albus.

The first hug! Albus pounced on Scorpius and Scorpius let out this ooof noise. That's how strongly Albus pulled him in, he winded the poor boy :')

Scorpius is sat down and Albus is stood with his hands on Scorpius's shoulders and was leaning down as he spoke to him. Scorpius completely plays along with Albus's excitement about his plan even though he has absolutely no idea what he's talking about. (Scorpius does this like, three times in the show? I see what Draco means, that boy will blindly follow Albus anywhere.) He kept nodding and going "yeeeeeah" until finally he stopped and, "okay, whatever was holding your brain together seems to have snapped".

Act One, Scene Eleven

Floorpius Scorpius spent most of his time flat on the floor on top of the train roof. It’s actually quite... sensible?

Both of them ended up on the floor after the first pumpkin pasty exploded. Albus was behind Scorpius and he reached forward and grabbed Scorpius's arm to check if he was ok. Except Scorpius didn't respond as you know, the trolley witch is right in front of him, so Albus tapped him twice to get his attention. Scorpius then reached back and squeezed Albus's arm back and turned to look at him as if to check he was ok too. It happened in a matter of seconds but it was really lovely.

Also, instead of “Albus, this is a bad idea”, Scorpius used his full name. Which is twice, in the space of a few minutes. I like the idea of Scorpius full naming Albus whenever he does something idiotic.

Act One, Scene Thirteen

Albus had his back to Scorpius as he spoke to one of the elderly witches, so Scorpius said hello to another resident sat nearest to him. I've seen him step away from them before but today he seemed far less afraid!

Act One, Scene Fourteen

When Amos suggested Delphi went with them, Albus turned to look back at Scorpius with a big smile on his face, clearly pleased with the addition. Scorpius looked... less enthusiastic. It looked like he tried to mirror Albus’s smile but he failed spectacularly.

"We know" "Do we?!" - Scorpius screeches his line, because really Albus???!! Albus quickly turned round to face Scorpius and put his hands on him to calm him down. He gave him this look as if to say, 'calm down, it'll be fine', before turning back round to Amos.

Act One, Scene Sixteen

“Because I’ve heard it tastes of fish, and if it does I will just vomit it back up. Fish doesn’t agree with me.” – Scorpius is stood in the middle of Delphi and Albus and today Scorpius turned to face Delphi as he held onto her arm as he spoke this line to her. It was like he was imploring her to understand his great aversion to fish. He did sound pretty desperate. He had his back to Albus, who had one hand on Scorpius’s back and the other on Scorpius’s arm, as he tried to comfort (or calm?) him. This boy really hates fish. There’s a story behind it, I’m telling you…

When Delphi had drank her potion and confirmed “it doesn’t taste of fish”, Albus put his hand back on Scorpius’s arm and gave him this look that said ‘see? You’ll be fine’. Seriously, what is this fish story?!

Once Delphi had become Hermione, Scorpius and Albus completely geeked out. They were bouncing on their tip toes as they held onto each other (they each had both their hands on the others upper arms) as they squealed in delight.

I love that these dorks clink their potion bottles together before they drink them. I mean, really now. They’re about to commit a crime! They shouldn’t be that excited :’) Except they are, which tells you everything you need to know about how caught up they are in the adventure of it all.

I usually die of secondhand embarrassment during the Polyjuice transformation scene because Sam and Anthony don't hold back. At all. But the kids in the audience went wild today and their laughs were infectious. I couldn't help but join in.

Albus/Ron bumping his belly repeatedly into Scorpius/Harry, to the point where he nearly knocks him over, is still the funniest thing.

Act One, Scene Seventeen

Harry is stood with his back to the group so he wasn’t looking at anyone when he told them what he said to Albus. I don’t think he can look at anyone. He’s so full of guilt and regret over it and if you can’t see that...

There’s a horrible silence after that line (which Harry speaks in this quiet monotone voice) and Draco can only stare at him. He’s seething. I’d love to know exactly what’s going through Draco’s head at this point. Is he judging Harry? Is he trying to imagine how or why you would ever say those words to your child? Either way, his head must flash to Scorpius. I wonder if, in an attempt to understand, he tries to picture saying that to his son and can’t.

Act One, Scene Eighteen

“Albus. Block her. It has to be you.” “Me. Why?” – Albus/Ron walked off so confidently, like he was ready to distract the real Hermione and Harry. But then he quickly dropped the act, circled back round, and bolted towards Scorpius at the door.

Act One, Scene Nineteen

I love how Delphi has to constantly keep them on track. They get so easily and quickly distracted by each other and lose themselves in their own world. She physically has to drag Scorpius back from Albus to get him to concentrate. Except of course it doesn’t work. Scorpius never even breaks eye contact with Albus.

Another thing I love about this scene, Albus emerging from the bookcase as himself again as Scorpius (who’s still Harry at this point) tries and fails to pull him to safety. We know it’s Albus and Scorpius, but we’re seeing Albus and Harry, and Harry can’t get a good enough hold of him to help him. Hmm…

“No! You don’t! Sybill Trelawney! No!!!” - Scorpius is lying on the floor surrounded by pages from books and as he speaks (or screeches), he throws these bits of paper at the bookcase. It’s so silly because they mostly rain down on him but hey, it clearly makes him feel better :’)

ACT TWO

Act Two, Scene Four

“It’s always two points with him isn’t it?” – Delphi mimicked strangling Scorpius with her hands as she made a ‘arghh’ noise after she said this line. Obviously it came across as if she was joking but watching it and knowing who she really is…

Delphi kissed Albus on the cheek and then she turned round to walk off but Scorpius is stood in her way. He was already leaning forward and clearly ready for his kiss but the second she saw him she instantly went “NO” in his face and walked off.

I liked how Anthony said the “she didn’t kiss me” line today. It was spoken quite matter-of-factly and not in the weird voice he does that makes everyone laugh. Although everyone did still laugh. I don’t know if he’s been saying it ‘normally’ for a while now but I hope it stays.

Act Two, Scene Seven

Scorpius was holding and fiddling with the bottom of his Durmstrang robes a lot in this scene. Playing with his clothes is nothing new, but it’s usually his sleeves. I haven’t seen him hold up the bottom of his robes before. It just served to make him look even more uneasy.

Scorpius clapped everyone except Harry Potter. I’ve seen him clap once or twice before stopping in other shows, but today he didn’t do it at all. Instead he watched Albus and twisted his robes around his fingers instead.

At one point Scorpius walked off and went a little behind the crowd while Albus wasn’t looking. It meant that when Albus did turn around he had to quickly scan the nearest group to locate Scorpius. It didn’t even take him a second, not with that hair. You could never play ‘Where’s Scorpius?’ could you? He soon beckoned him back over. Albus must think it’s highly inconvenient you can’t Accio people.

When they returned back from time and their parents found them, Draco walked on and as he came to a halt, he pointed at Scorpius. Kind of like a parent would do to a child when- oh wait. Yeah, he’s in trouble. Draco doesn’t look angry though. I think it was a mixture of relief and ‘we’re talking about this’ kind of look.

Act Two, Scene Eight

Aaaand the creepiest comment of the day goes tooo…. *drum roll*

Albus was breathing really fast while he was suppose to be asleep in the hospital wing today. It’s probably a weird thing to notice but his chest was moving too fast for him to be asleep. It took Sam forever to even his breathing out too. I know it’s probably easily explained, like maybe he had to run to make the cue or something. But instead I sat there and wondered if maybe Albus was only pretending to be asleep and was eavesdropping on the conversation between Harry and Dumbledore the whole time. (I imagined the same thing happening before in the scene where Ginny and Harry talk about him while he sleeps on the pew in the church.) I don’t think he is actually awake, but it was interesting to think about. I mean, he’s already a stair listener so it wouldn’t be that much of a jump.

Act Two, Scene Nine

“Uncle Ron! Thank Dumbledore. If ever we needed one of your jokes it’s now...” - Does he go to his uncle for jokes when he needs them often? Do I need to write some headcanons about this???

There’s a moment after Albus walks off that Scorpius is left on the top of the joint staircases. He’s looking down at Harry, who’s being watched by Ginny from the front of the stage, while Harry is looking back up at Scorpius. I know that probably makes absolutely no sense but it’s a weird triangle of stares that I find interesting to watch as it always leaves me wondering why Harry acts so coldly towards Scorpius. Is it the fact that he’s a Malfoy? Or that he can reach Albus when he can’t? Does he doubt whether the rumours are false??? If it’s all of the above then my heart is going to break a little bit.

Act Two, Scene Eleven

Hermione knocks Albus’s chair from underneath him and he hits the floor face down. Well, he braces himself with his hands to save his face but that wasn’t the best idea since he’s only just left the hospital wing after breaking his arm. He ended up laying there for a second before letting out this tiny ‘oww’. Bless.

Act Two, Scene Twelve

Albus held it together for most of this scene today… until the end. When he walked underneath Scorpius’s staircase (so Scorpius couldn’t see him at this point), he brought both his hands up to wipe his eyes and cover his face and he walked off : (

Act Two, Scene Thirteen

Alex kept doing his Alex laugh (rather than his Draco laugh) when they were duelling and it was the best thing I have ever witnessed. Now I refuse to imagine Draco laughing any other way. If I ever have to conjure a Patronus, I need only to imagine his laugh.

Act Two, Scene Fourteen

General comment here but this show is probably the most comfortable I’ve seen Scorpius around Delphi. I’ve seen him wary, suspicious, jealous, indifferent… but not so much today. They seemed to connect a lot better.

Act Two, Scene Fifteen

Draco lasted a whole two seconds before he started silently giggling about it being Harry’s kitchen. This piece of information tickled him and he didn’t even try to hide it. The whole audience was in stitches.

After Ginny said “Crabbe and Goyle”, Draco instantly dropped his head into his hands (his elbows were resting on his knees) and he let out the longest “ughhhh” moan and just stayed there for a second or two. It was the funniest thing.

I’m loving how much Alex has the audience laughing these days.

“His pain. His hatred” – Draco was violently banging his fist against his chest as he said this. He looked so pained as he lost himself in his own childhood.

“The boy needs you” – there was a pause after this line, like he was about to say something profound but nope. Instead he tacked on “and Scorpius” in a rather high pitched voice. He said it so quickly that it ended up sounding a tad bit squeaky even. It had a Scorpius-ness to it that again had the audience laughing.

Act Two, Scene Sixteen

They tried to keep their voices somewhat quiet here since they’re in the library but they (mostly Scorpius) fail on numerous occasions. Three times they had to stop their conversation. Either because Polly Chapman or the librarian shhhhed them or because Scorpius realised himself how loud he was being. But each time he did, he turned round in his chair and faced the rest of the library and held both his hands up. Like he’s half apologising, half surrendering. Yet every time he did it, his arms would get a little higher. He had the audience giggling away. Until the last time, when his arms were fully in the air and his head was a dipped a little and the audience cracked up. He held the pose forever to really milk it too.

At one point Albus shhhhed Scorpius but Scorpius just batted Albus’s finger away.

Scorpius still slammed Albus’s book closed and really, the force and disrespect at which he treats it probably tells you how focused he is on Albus at this point.

After they returned back to their table once McGonagall has left, they switched seats and Scorpius… well instead of sitting down on Albus’s chair like a normal person, he put his feet on it and kind of crouched down on top of it before dropping one leg to the floor and then the other. It was the most bizarre and long winded way of sitting down but to be honest, I’d expect nothing less from Scorpius Malfoy. Although I kind of wish he wouldn’t, it was the most nerve wracking thing to watch because I swear that chair (or himself) should have toppled over. I’d say Anthony should be getting hazard pay but then again he brings this all on himself.

By the time Albus told Scorpius about how the cloak made avoiding bullies easier, the two are sat back down and Scorpius was sat so his body was turned slightly away from Albus. I’ve seen it before where he’s been completely turned away but today was probably the least amount I’ve seen him angle his body away from Albus. It was enough for Albus to get the message, he’s upset and annoyed, but not to the point where he’s shutting him out. Anyway, before Albus’s “I’m sorry”, there was a long emotional pause as they stared at each other. They didn’t speak or falter, they just looked at each other. Eventually Albus broke their eye contact as he spoke his broken, watery apology.

Scorpius was looking down as Albus talked about Harry and the black cloud. You could see the exact moment Scorpius realised the great Harry Potter thought the rumours were true, that he was the son of Voldemort. He looked straight up and ahead, away from Albus, and looked so void of emotions. His “your dad thinks the rumours are true” line was spoken in this quiet, flat, monotone voice. To me, it felt like Scorpius was internalising the crushing disappointment of finding out exactly what the person you’ve admired for years really things about you.

“No. They’re not true” – There were four no’s and I felt each one stab me in the chest. Albus goes through a whole range of emotions in a matter of seconds when Scorpius admits that sometimes he wonders if the Voldemort rumours about him are true. At first he’s shocked and you hear that in his first “no”, and then his next “no” was surprised, the next was in utter disbelief with a tiny bit of anger, like ‘how could he even think that of himself’? The last “no” was almost shouted as he said it with such conviction. Scorpius was not the son of Voldemort and he needed Scorpius to know that 100%.

Scorpius had pulled his sleeves down to cover his hands and was using them to wipe his eyes and nose as he listened to Albus : (

“Friends?” “Always.” – Albus had his hand stretched out waiting for Scorpius to take it so they could shake hands. Except Scorpius didn’t so Albus kind of shook his arm a little so Scorpius would notice it still waiting for him. When Scorpius did finally take hold of it, Albus pulled him straight up out the chair and into a big hug. Scorpius did that ooof noise again as Albus squeezed him.

Act Two, Scene Nineteen

Albus throwing his arms up in the air to show off his amazing plan as Myrtle emerges from the sinks is still one of the greatest little Albus moments. He’s so pleased with himself. He didn’t even need to explain in words to Scorpius because his plan is that good it literally speaks for itself.

“What did you call me? Do I moan? Am I moaning now? Am I? Am I?” – With each sentence she gets closer to Scorpius so Scorpius gets lower to the floor in an attempt to put distance between them. This always happens but it looked extra funny today. By the last sentence, he was sat on the floor with his arms/hands above his head shielding himself from her as he completely curled in on himself with his knees pulled up to his chest. He even had his feet sticking a couple of inches up in the air :’) I’d like to point out Albus is stood on the other side of the sinks watching this and was laughing away. He has no intention of saving his friend.

As Myrtle was talking about how girls and boys were crying over Cedric and doing love incantations in her bathroom over him, Scorpius was nodding and walking towards her the whole time. Clearly interested in what she was saying. He had to have been to willingly get closer to her.

Albus looked rather annoyed when the water started pouring from the sinks and got him wet. He had to dry his hand on his robes.

“I do like brave boys” – Myrtle puts her leg up and rests it on top of the sink, essentially blocking Scorpius in and well... the bathroom scenes really are suggestive you know. Anyway, it’s usually this that seems to make him want to escape and follow Albus after all. But today he looked down at her leg and then put his own leg up too, mirroring her, before saying his “then I’m entirely ready” line. It was great :’)

Act Two, Scene Twenty

Scorpius is so utterly distressed when Albus doesn’t emerge from the lake. He made this horribly pained screech as he searched the water.

Umbridge was skipping and jumping on his toes and swinging her arms and it was… weird. I’ve never seen her so happy. It didn’t seem right.

ACT THREE

Act Three, Scene Three

Scorpius was sobbing/whimpering as Draco held him down on the table. I’ve never heard him make any sound at this part before so it made it even more painful to watch. He let out a few more once he’d gotten away and moved to the other side of the stage too : (

Act Three, Scene Four

"Start again. From the beginning. What’s not ready?” – Before this line he added a really sincere “hey hey hey, slow down” as he touched Craig’s arm and patted his chest. I loved it because 1) as a pro rambler himself he’s probably used to hearing it from other people (given how softly it was spoken, I’d hazard a guess at his mother), and 2) it was 100% Scorpius, there was nothing Scorpion King about it at all.

Act Three, Scene Six

Hermione didn’t have her foot on Scorpius’s chest as she pinned him to the ground today. I don’t know what she ‘usually’ does but the last few times I’ve seen it her foot has been squarely on his chest.

Act Three, Scene Seven

“Doing our best to tickle their nose hairs” – Ron reached across and tickled Scorpius’s nose. I’ve heard about this before but never seen it. I’m happy now.

There’s so many little things Noma does here that makes me love her Hermione. Like her face when Snape calls her moderate to average has me laughing every time. Then in this scene, she was so happy and expressive as she listened to the goings-on in the other world. I particularly loved the way she turned and stood in front of Snape and put her hand on his chest as she said spoke to him (I think it was the “No, I’m pretty sure that’s pure Severus Snape” line?).

Act Three, Scene Nine

“And then you’ll change the past. And then they won’t. Go. Now.” – Hermione held Scorpius’s cheek as she spoke to him here. It was really sweet, like how a mother would comfort/reassure a child. Which made me think about how long it’s been since... well you know... *hugs Scorpius*

Right. This line: “Think about those you love” and the line “Think about Albus” are separated. But I swear, today it was “Think about someone you love. Think about Albus.” Together. I remember freaking out in the theatre and reading my notes back, that’s exactly what I wrote down in the theatre too. But a week later I’m now doubting myself because it all sounds too good to be true…

Scorpius doesn’t immediately start looking for Albus in the lake which has always confused me a little. If anything, he delays it by spending even more time rubbing his eyes. (Seriously, Scorpius spends 80% of this show rubbing his eyes. Does he need glasses???) I’m thinking now it’s because he’s a little afraid to look and not find him there again.

Scorpius was pure happiness when Albus did surface though. My notes just state, “HIS FACE!!!” which tells me I was in some sort of fangirl meltdown over it at the time. But to translate, it means he was extra smiley today. As was Albus though.

I’m pretty sure Scorpius sang even more than usually today.

“You have no idea how good it is to see you again” – Scorpius was being so flaily he sent water splashing into Albus. Albus was happy, slightly confused, but smiled along with (or at) Scorpius’s antics.

The lake hug! My favourite hug! Scorpius got his arms around his middle and picked him up. It was Albus’s turn to flail a bit then but he soon grabbed onto Scorpius because you know, he was ‘drowning’. (That line makes no sense when Scorpius hugs him this way as he’s lifting Albus out of the water. If anything, Scorpius is drowning himself.)

Apparently Scorpius just sings everything whenever he’s overjoyed. In the bit where he names all the adults as they run towards them by the lake, by the time he got to Professor McGonagall he was barely containing a wiggle as he sang her name. I’m sure Albus would have laughed at him for it but he was too busy glaring at his dad. Harry had been trying to dry Albus’s hair with Albus’s robe. Now I know he’s suppose to look angry and everything but how can you take him seriously when all Harry’s done is made Albus’s hair even fluffier? You know how I feel about the fluffiness of Sam’s hair anyway...

Draco’s “Hellooo Scorpuius” was so light and funny and now I’m wondering if Scorpius got his tendency to sing every other sentence from his dad. I can just imagine Draco singing his words to his son because it makes his little two year old flail and squeal. He’ll take the teasing from Astoria if it means making his son happy like that.

ANYWAY. (I never leave the theatre without a bunch of new headcanons!)

So yeah, Draco walked over and gave Scorpius his robe back but instead of putting it on properly (like Albus did), Scorpius just threw it around himself like it was a blanket and then held onto each corner and then wrapped himself up in it. Like a sleeping bat. Watching him run off stage still hugging himself in the material was too funny.

Act Three, Scene Eleven

Albus was so quick with his response to Harry’s “are you okay, Albus?” He pretty much cut Harry off. It’s so honest, as is Harry’s own reply. It’s like they’re finally getting somewhere but then they just stop because they don’t know what to do after this.

Act Three, Scene Fourteen

Today we got “Aaaalllbbbuuussss….” which was spoken from his bed. Then he whispered “a l b u s” as he got closer to Albus’s bed. Then finally, once he was stood behind the headboard and leaning down over Albus, “ALBUS!”.

Scorpius was kind of limping when he got out of bed? He was holding onto the beds as he walked like he was trying to put little or no weight onto one of the legs. It didn’t last the entire scene though so maybe he just likes swinging on furniture? Although there is that line about Rose kicking him in the shin… He does rub it better as if he’s remembering the pain as they spoke about it. Well, Scorpius speaks. Albus laughs.

Scorpius did another little wiggly dance kind of saunter towards Albus as he called himself Malfoy the Unanxious. Again, it was verging on singing more than being spoken.

Albus was sat cross legged on his bed with his arms wrapped around and under his legs. So he wrists were resting on his ankles, if that makes sense? He looked so small. Especially since it was while Scorpius was telling him about how he thought of Albus to fight off the Dementors.

Scorpius kept picking bits off his pajama trousers and flicking it onto the floor. Fluff, I’m presuming? He’s done this before. But today he was also picking things off his fitted bottom bed sheet. This was how the headcanon ‘Scorpius eats on/in his bed and the things he was picking up were crumbs’ was born. Especially sweets, some of those are covered in sugar. I bet Albus does everything he can to make sure he doesn’t do it on his bed too.

I’ve seen Scorpius retrieve the time turner from under his pillow a few different ways but today he knelt on his bed and properly went digging for it. Like, ass in the air, head under the pillow. Idiot.

“Turns out Malfoy the Unanxious is a pretty gooood liiiaaaaar” – THIS LINE. Scorpius was laying on his bed, with one leg up so his elbow could rest on his knee. He was acting so chilled like he wasn’t holding a bloody time turner. It was like… oh! THIS. Except instead of being on his back, he was turned on his side so his body was facing Albus. The way he held the time turner and was looking up at it as if it was nothing though, as if this was a ordinary morning *shakes head* Albus was the exact opposite of chilled. He shouted “Scorpius!” and smacked his head down into his hands for a second. (He did this a couple of times in the play. Whenever Scorpius does something spectacularly stupid/frustrating, Albus closes his eyes and either drops his head into his hands or brings his hands up to smack himself in the forehead. I love it.) It had the whole audience laughing.

Act Three, Scene Sixteen

I was so happy to hear Anthony whisper the “Hooooogwaaaaaaarts” line again. I’ve missed that! But today he extended it even further by adding his own echo. So it was more like, “Hoooogwaaaarts wartswartswartswartswarts” and it tapered off at the end like a real echo would. Albus was laughing at him. Of course. I think I’ve mentioned this before but Albus was so smiley today. Everything Scorpius did or said amused him.

Scorpius leaned over and lightly punched Albus in the thigh before he shuffled on over to sit shoulder to shoulder with him.

I like how when Scorpius finally voices his suspicions out loud, Delphi turns to face him but stays in front of Albus. She’s literally standing between them. I also enjoy Albus having to peer round Delphi to see what’s going on because he’s smaller than everyone else.

Act Three, Scene Seventeen

Ron saying ‘Scrupulous’ instead of Scorpius is still hilarious. Today Draco threw his hands up in the air and let out of half screechy, half bellowing, “Scrupulous?!”, back at him like he couldn’t believe Ron had just said that. He then turned and walked straight back out the door from which he’d came from. He came back, obviously. Harry’s question about her hair was a little too specific and his need for his son back is far more important than being outraged at Ron. Almost.

I love how Harry was solely focused on this new piece of information though and ignored Draco’s dramatics. I’ve seen it before where he throws looks at Harry as if to try and make him stop Ron before he does but today he aimed it at everyone.

Act Three, Scene Eighteen

“We need to find out who she is – now” – Draco usually says this so seriously because it’s obvious now just how much danger the boys are in. Except today Alex seemed to be more interested in making people laugh because we got, “yeeeeah we need to find out who she is.” Again, it was spoken in this light tone that was really comical and so very much Scorpius. I do love how much Alex has built up these shared characteristics now. There weren’t nearly as many (or as obvious) back when I first saw it last year but now he and Anthony have had time to grow, love, and learn their characters and it’s been wonderful to see them play off each other so effortlessly here now at the end of their run. I’m desperately going to miss these two :’(

Act Three, Scene Nineteen

“I want you to humiliate him. He needs to fly out of that maze naked on a broomstick made of purple feather dusters.” - Delphi was Level 10 creepy in this line. Scorpius and Albus are knelt on the floor with their wrists tied together. Delphi knelt down beside Albus and was very close to him. Too close. As she said this line, she walked her fingers up his thigh, arm, cheek, and up to his hair. Albus couldn’t escape and the fact she was talking about being naked made it really… urgh. Delphi.

“Albus, whatever she does to me…” – Albus instantly reacts when Delphi turns his wand to Scorpius. Scorpius remained calm and didn’t even flinch. He only moved as he spoke to reassure Albus and even those words were said calmly.

Albus was letting out these broken sobs during and after Scorpius’s torture. You know, like I needed another reason to cry. Thanks Sam.

When Delphi went to Crucio him again, Scorpius curled up into the fetal position on his side on the floor. I wanted to scoop him up and run him to safety.

Act Three, Scene Twenty

I love watching Scorpius watch Albus as he tells Cedric his dad loves him. There’s always such an interesting mix of emotions of his face because he knows what’s behind those words. Today he just rubbed his eyes. Seriously, Draco. Get someone to look at him. He’s either getting headaches from his lack of glasses or he has some sort of allergy.

ACT FOUR

Act Four, Scene Three

Albus and Scorpius both stood facing the door the entire time they were hiding themselves from James and Lily. They completely froze as if not moving would somehow make them invisible? Did someone watch Jurassic Park over the summer?!

When Albus ran off to follow them, Scorpius quickly ran after him and grabbed him with both arms and held him back against his chest to stop him from running off again as he explained why he couldn’t.

It wasn’t “my geekness is a-quivering”, it was “ma geekness… is a-quivering”. Scorpius was so lost in his geek out (he was doing this walk that was partly a smug like saunter and part flaily) that it took Albus smacking his own head again as he let out another “Scorpius!” to bring him back. Bless these two. They bring me such joy.

Act Four, Scene Four

Draco walked silently into Harry’s office and stood there clearly uncertain as to what to do with a crying Harry. Humour was his tactic. There’s a really playfully comical tone to Alex’s Draco voice when he wants there to be. The “did you know” was hilarious and then the look on his face when he said he was the Head of Magical Law Enforcement was A+. Harry has his back to him so Draco doesn’t have to hide any of his thoughts or feelings on the matter from showing on his face. There was a pause then before Draco lunged forward towards Harry and quietly added, “maybe this room will be mine soon enough”, and then added an equally quiet cheeky evil laugh. I kid you not. Like, “mwahahahaha”. I died. Right there. In seat D13. Alex Price you can’t ever leave. You’re so silly and dramatic and you make me cry and I can’t- you’re my Draco :’(

Sorry. Malfoy feels. On with the show!

Going back to what I was saying about Draco and Scorpius being alike, Draco held up the time turner to show Harry just like Scorpius did to Albus. With the same look on their faces too. Those two are so obviously father and son, the wizarding world must be mad.

Oh wait. More Malfoy feels. When Draco was telling Harry about Astoria he lost it mid sentence. His voice broke and he tipped his head back to stop the tears and he looked so pained as he winced with it all. If that wasn’t bad enough, even once he’d started talking again, his voice sounded heavy and kept cracking. You know how your voice is weirdly low and hurts a little when you speak for the first time after you’ve been crying for a while? It was like that. THANKS ALEX. You can apologise to the kid I scared sat next to me as I too sobbed.

Act Four, Scene Five

“We wait… forty years!” – I love how there was a pause between the ‘forty years’ bit as he worked out how many years it would be. The uber geek who knew the trolley witch had been working there for a 190 years almost instantly (history nerd), had to work out 40 years :’)

“Still, if I had to choose a companion to be at the return of eternal darkness with, I’d choose you” – Scorpius stood with his back to Albus and he was staring up at the falling snow as he said this and it’s so pretty? Albus was watching him as the snow fell onto his face and there was this tiny pause before Albus stood up and walked over to him and joked about choosing someone massive and really good at magic. But FYI Albus, Scorpius is massive(ly tall compared to you) and really good at magic??? You’d most definitely choose him and we all know it. There was something slightly different about his tone and facial expression as he said it today though. Or to me at least. I know that line is him teasing Scorpius but for some reason I really felt it today. It might have been the smile Albus was giving Scorpius. It was so big and full of admiration.

Scorpius opened Bathilda Bagshot’s door and let out the biggest squeal and turned round to Albus who pretty much did the same thing. These two get so bouncy when they’re excited. It’s the most adorable thing. Scorpius ran back over to Albus and they grabbed at each others arms and jumped up and down together out of sheer excitement. Not full on jumping, but bouncing from one foot to another and wiggling a bit as they made these squealing noises. This was the second time today :’)

Act Four, Scene Seven

“I can see why - look at the thatched roofs.” – He looked so happy about the thatched roofs. I can’t.

Then there’s this. Draco walked forward with his hand on his chest, fingers all splayed out, and he was pulling a face as if he was going ‘oooo’. He stopped once he’d got to the front of the group and then said his “is that a farmers’ market?” line. I’m pretty sure if his son wasn’t in mortal danger, he’d have skipped on over. Ponytail swishing behind him as he went. You just know Draco’s that dad who wakes you up with no prior warning far too early at the weekend because he wants to drag you somewhere (somewhere being the farmers’ market) as a ‘treat’. Why Draco, w h y?!

Draco did something after Ron made his comment about him having nice hair. I think he kind of laughed and turned to walk away? I can’t remember exactly now and my notes aren’t helping me. I just remember everyone laughing at his reaction. (To say I wrote 3k+ notes in the theatre, I missed out some reeeally important stuff. Sorry!)

Act Four, Scene Eight

Harry looks so awkward and pained when Albus pretty much blanks him and goes straight to Ginny for a hug and it hurts to watch. Still.

The Malfoy hug! Scorpius did the usual ‘run at full speed before stopping right in front of Draco’ thing. Today when he actually hugged him, he threw himself at his dad and hitched his leg up like he was trying to cling onto him with all his limbs.

Omg the hair ruffles. I could write an essay on these father-son hair ruffles. They were more today than I’d ever seen before. I am blessed.

Even once the initial hug was over, it was only a matter of seconds before Scorpius turned back round to his dad and initiated another hug. He looped his arms round Draco’s middle and tucked his head down against his chest as Draco stroked his hair and he looked so small. It was like I watching a younger Scorpius and I honestly could not tell you what was happening on the rest of the stage. This was by far my favourite hug of the show.

Act Four, Scene Ten

You know while everyone was putting themselves out there to be Voldemort? Well Scorpius was sat quietly on the bench by himself and you could see his thought process across his face. His head was slightly bowed down, then he rubbed his eyes before taking a deep breath and looking up as he prepared for what he was about to do. There was this whole build up happening inside his head that played out on his face. Then it was his turn and he stood up and barely got one word out before Draco shut him down and told him he wasn’t volunteering. He sat back down so fast. I felt bad for laughing! He really worked up to that moment and nope. You’re not volunteering, Scorpius. He was so ready as well. But given how much he flinched backwards towards Albus when Harry turned round to face him once he’d been transfigured into Voldemort, I’m thinking he probably wasn’t as ready as he thought he was.

“Zap her?!” – Draco threw his arms up in disbelief/rage when Ron said this. He quickly paced backwards and forwards across half the stage at least twice too. I’m not sure what he did when Ron said it a second time because I was watching Scorpius behind him. Scorpius was watching Draco the whole time, clearly enjoying his dad’s reaction way too much. He had the biggest, toothiest grin on his face. I don’t know if it’s because I was still thinking about a younger Scorpius but there was something very childlike about it. It was all kinds of adorable. I wish Draco had seen how his son was looking up to him in that moment.

Aaaand before I get lost in more Malfoy feels, while Scorpius was watching his dad have a minor meltdown over Ron, he kept quickly looking across at Albus as he tried to get his attention. His eyes were just flitting between Albus and Draco and neither of them looked back. You could see just how much Scorpius wanted to scream ‘are you seeing this?!’ to Albus :’)

His facial expressions got even better once Albus told Draco to trust his dad. Scorpius sat there and stared at him and now he really wanted his attention. He still kept looking between Albus and his dad but now he seemed more in awe of Albus. Either for how he spoke to his dad or for the fact he defended his own dad.

Once the adults stood around and started transfiguring Harry, Albus and Scorpius ended up stood together behind the group. I’m glad Scorpius eventually got to Albus!

…I’m sure other things happened in the scene but to be honest, I pretty much only watched Scorpius’s face. Sorry : /

In my defence, everyone else is so focused on the conversation and yes Scorpius is paying attention too, but Anthony was telling more than just that story with his face. He’s amazingly talented at drawing you in like that.

Act Four, Scene Eleven

After Draco said he enjoyed being bossed around by Hermione, Scorpius (who is stood in the open door) shouted his “DAAAAD!” and pointed out through the door. Like a parent would do to a child they were sending to their room for being bad. I’m still laughing about it now. (I can just imagine Draco having ridiculously silly moments and while most of the time Scorpius joins in, occasionally he’ll play the role of ‘parent’ and try and get his dad to stop laughing at his own jokes. It rarely works.)

I both love and hate the fact Albus was the only one small enough to fit through the grate. My heart stops every time I watch this scene because I’m always afraid this will be the one time he doesn’t make it. I WONDER WHO’S TO BLAME FOR THAT?!

Honestly, I channel Harry in this scene. Except if I start screaming “TELL ME HE’S OKAY” I’d get thrown out the theatre : /

Albus ends up on the floor in the middle of the stage and Harry slid across the floor on his knees to kneel in front of his son to protect him. He usually faces Delphi so Albus is behind his back but today he had his back to Delphi so he was facing Albus. He didn’t stay that way, he was in the middle of a duel after all, but for a good few seconds he was completely focused on his son and checking he was ok.

Then there’s Scorpius *sigh* Once the rest of the group came out through the doors, Scorpius ended up in the corner behind a pew and both Ginny and Draco. He was kind of… rolling on the floor on his back? There’s most definitely a better way to describe this but to me, he looked like a turtle that was unable to flip himself back over but didn’t want to give up so he just kept trying. I don’t know how long this went on for because I started watching Draco instead but yeah… I don’t even know anymore. Floorpius was sent to test me.

Once Harry explained to Albus that she’s a murderer and they’re not so no, they aren’t going to kill Delphi, Albus stood there and you could see how busy his head was in that moment. He looked at his dad and processed everything. His dad’s words and his feelings. Then it broke away as Scorpius reached out from where he was stood behind him and placed a hand on his forearm. He held on long enough for Albus to turn his head and look back at him and the two shared a moment where they looked at each other before Albus nodded at Scorpius as if answering his unasked question. It was really sweet. Scorpius knew exactly how and when to reach out to him.

Act Four, Scene Twelve

Can we talk about how I could see the tears glistening in Scorpius’s eyes all the way up from the dress circle? They were as sparkly as Draco’s buttons and that is not ok.

Again, Scorpius turned to his dad and put his arms round his middle and buried his face in his chest as Draco held him close and stroked his hair. I love this hug that they do. It’s so full of love and comfort. For both of them.

Act Four, Scene Fourteen

Scorpius is getting more and more ridiculous every time Rose walks on stage in this scene. He flailed so dramatically today that his robes ended rolled up (so only the lining could be seen) and twisted around his neck like some sort of neck brace. It wasn’t much of a surprise when he ended up saying his “received and entirely understood” line in a weird voice that sounded like his throat was constricted. Which I guess it was so that would make sense. This probably goes without saying but Albus was laughing. Seriously though, Albus must have near constant stomach ache from all the laughing he does around Scorpius. Either that or he’s gain abs...

Anyway, then Rose beckoned Scorpius over and he leaped right up and she got really close to his face like she was going to kiss his cheek but instead she shouted “Scorpion King” and laughed as she walked off.

Aaand the last Scorbus hug of the day! Scorpius slowly walked up the two or so steps to get to Albus and he gently leaned in and circled his arms around Albus as he pressed his cheek to Albus’s chest. It’s pretty much how he’d been hugging his dad. Full of love but also a little unsure now. It probably didn’t help that Albus threw his hands up in the air a bit initially before hugging him back. Albus just seemed a little shocked, confused maybe, but he was definitely not against it. The audience awww-ed : )

Act Four, Scene Fifteen

“But I do understand your heart. I didn’t – for a long time – but thanks to this – ‘escapade’ – I know what you got in there. Slytherin, Gryffindor, whatever label you’ve been given – I know – I know – that heart is a good one” – Harry repeatedly points at Albus’s heart during this bit. When he talks of the houses he caught his tie and it pulled out from where Albus had it tucked inside his hoodie. Albus quickly smoothed it back down and pushed it back into place. Then a moment later Harry patted it down a bit more and zipped the hoodie up a little higher for him. It reminds me of how he tried to straighten Albus’s robes back on the platform riiiight at the beginning but Albus batted his hands away. But here now he lets him. I like that it’s his Slytherin tie he’s putting back into place, like he’s made peace with the fact it belongs there. That his son belongs there. The fact that Albus is wearing his green hoodie too is just an added bonus.

Aaaand we’re done! *confetti cannon*

#i've only read this through once so please ignore any mistakes #but if I spend any longer on this than it'll be another week before I post it #TCCleanne #cursed child play

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