#i miss 3L so bad....

[kiwinatorwaffles]

if they were an ao3 tag they would be attempted capitalism

(do not rb as a ship)

[sprucewoodmpreg]

im gonna have to sit on it bc of recency bias but to be real with you i think cleo’s ep7 might be one of my favourite life series episodes ever. it felt like a mix of the best parts of both the earlier and later seasons

[mcybree]

On 3l!Jimmy and guilt and FH and various tangential things: a post that got out of hand and morphed into something completely different by the end. Enjoy?

I read a good Jimmy analysis post a while back on how important Jimmy’s pride is to him, and how he’ll back himself up when no one else will, often to his own detriment. And this is such a key part of his character, right. Jimmy doesn’t often withdraw or get all nervous and shy when bad shit happens to him, he gets louder and angry and all riled up about it. He projects his insecurities outwards and then picks battles over anything he perceives as an insult.

So it is strange how that seems to be… almost missing in third life. In that series specifically, he withdraws more often than not, he fears making independent decisions, and he makes concessions he typically would rather make a stupid hill to die on than consider:

Joel and Martyn tell Jimmy they feel lied to, and Jimmy is quick to ask how he can make it up to them, agreeing to give them cows for free. Jimmy is threatened by Grian and Scar into giving up his diamond chestplate and he folds easily, then goes home to tell Scott he just “wasn’t thinking.” Jimmy gets blown up by Grian’s tnt trap and says the walls around the flower valley need to go up, he says he’s never leaving his house again, and after it’s all settled he’s afraid to even walk home without Scott.

Honestly the only time he ever picks a fight in true Jimmy fashion is in Episode 1 with Martyn over some stupid sign placement, and then with the red army negotiations when he burned the banner— but that, notably, wasn’t a personal pride thing! It was a very Jimmy way to go about it, but he got defensive because he thought they were going to hurt Scott, and spitting in their faces was the best way he knew how to protect him (as this is how Jimmy typically protects himself).

He’s just very tame, overall. Defanged. He doesn’t stand up for himself like he usually does.

And yknow. If I had to take just. A personal guess as to why that is. I think the difference primarily stems from 3l!Jimmy’s tendency to take on personal blame for things that aren’t even his fault. A Jimmy character feeling bad about the things he’s done isn’t new, he often does do regrettable things, but what sets 3l!Jimmy apart is that he excessively self blames for what are often unsubstantiated reasons.

Grian’s tnt trap triple kill (emphasis on Grian’s) is the most dramatic example. After Jimmy accidentally activates it, he repeatedly stresses just how bad he feels about it, and apologizes to skizz directly, telling him he feels like he’s “ruined everything.” Jimmy blames himself entirely for this incident, to the point where it allows for him and Scott to team up with desert duo, who DIRECTLY SET UP the trap and OUTRIGHT TOOK CREDIT FOR the kills, in the next episode without even a mention of caution or bitterness. This is irrational; if Jimmy were to ask any given person if they genuinely think the deaths were ENTIRELY his fault, I don’t think anybody would seriously say that it was.

Except for Scott. Scott would say it is, and that’s the issue. He did say it, actually, first implying it (“Jimmy I told you that we needed to shoot it from a distance!”) but then outright telling him (“You killed two people!”)*. Scott later backpedals a bit, telling Jimmy that it was Grian and Scar who gave him the loaded gun, and it wasn’t him that brought it. While nice, that sentiment was seemingly too little too late.

* (both of these are said in the scene at about 25:33, ep4 of Scott’s pov in case anyones curious. assuming my timestamps from a year ago are correct if theyre not lmk. I also have rough timestamps for like everything else referenced in here in one big document so if anyone needs them feel free to ask)

This is all to say: I think Jimmy’s self blaming tendencies and, by extension, his unusual lack of self confidence this season are a result of his relationship with Scott. While the TNT trap incident was the catalyst for those feelings being brought so front and center, I believe that Scott created an environment which normalized Jimmy taking on personal blame for things aren’t his fault beforehand, or at the very least disproportionate amounts of it (so when he legitimately fucks up and makes a disastrous mistake, it’s the only thing he thinks to do). Primarily because Scott, himself, blames Jimmy for a lot of things, but also because Jimmy doesn’t understand the motivations behind a lot of how Scott treats him, and has to retroactively fill in the blanks with what makes sense. Full transparency: I am staking this ladder claim on both his undying admiration for Scott seen throughout the entire series that would require a thought process like this to support, and one (1) interaction between him and Martyn in episode 1. However, I’d still argue it’s a significant interaction.

MARTYN: I just seen you get slapped around, like what’s- what’s going on?

JIMMY: I just- Y’know- just. well we’re living opposite each other…

MARTYN: Are you happy living with Scott?

JIMMY: WE’RE LIVING— We’re living opposite each other! And he builds fantastic. And mine just looks like- I’m just not a builder, y’know? Just not a builder.

And. Personally. To me. Answering “What’s going on?” with “I’m just not a builder” in regards to Scott pushing him around implies that Jimmy made a connection between him being a bad builder and Scott’s reaction. In reality, Scott “slapped him around” because Jimmy showed up too early for a deal that he didn’t know about. But Jimmy doesn’t accept that as the reason, and instead traces it back to a personal fault, something he will go on to make a habit of until he dies in the desert.

After all, it becomes very easy to explain away various mishaps and misfortunes as “oh I’m just not a builder” or “oh I must not have been thinking,” when Scott’s favorite activity is implying Jimmy is incompetent and can’t be trusted to do anything on his own. (Some fun scott quotes being “why do I let you do things” “as long as we dont let jimmy do anything we’ll be fine,” and most directly, “see that’s why I said, ‘I dont trust Jimmy with anything’ because he’s incompetent”)

And it’s funny, right? Because Jimmy isn’t one to just let people put him down like that. When other people in other series tell Jimmy that his house is ugly, Jimmy will defend it with pride and stand up for it twice as much to compensate. But when Scott calls his house ugly, he tells Scott to stay put while he quickly runs to try and fix it, and then hurries back to ask if it’s better. Because he admires Scott, he never stops admiring him, he’s always expressing that (“you’re good at everything” “you’re full of good ideas, aren’t you?” “how are you such a good builder?”). And he doesn’t get defensive when Scott says these things, not in the same way— He tries to, but it comes across more desperate than anything (“say something good about me!”) because he places Scott on such a high pedestal and yearns for that approval. Scott is different.

This is how, despite all odds, it gets to him. And it changes how Jimmy perceives himself. Scott doesn’t trust Jimmy not to fuck up any given task, so Jimmy doesn’t trust himself in later episodes, especially post-Dogwarts explosion. The cake scene, while admittedly a very cute moment (so I do hate to cite this here but it’s a good example), works because Scott left a cake in Jimmy’s room without saying anything, and knew that the first thing Jimmy would do is get scared and come get him. Because that is the first thing 3l!Jimmy thinks to do when he’s scared! And it’s entirely unsurprising how it got that way! In the very first episode, Scott tells Jimmy that if it wasn’t for Scott finding him in the beginning, he would’ve been the first to die. It’s generally a joke to point to fh and go “Jimmy is like Scott’s pet lol, Jimmy is like a lost puppy without Scott” but there really is some truth in that, and I find that to be somewhat haunting considering Jimmy takes so much pride in his independence usually. Jimmy’s hesitance towards making independent decisions can also be traced back to Scott finding Jimmy’s independent decisions inherently frustrating but that’s already part of the FH dissection essay I have in my drafts and this post is long enough already. There’s also a whole other discussion to be had about how Scott’s say is the final say no matter what and Jimmy knows that which further deincentivizes independent decision making (REPEATEDLY POINTS TO “I’ll try and sweet talk him, but if he starts hitting me, what can I do?”) but that is also for the essay

I dont know where I was going with this. I think I made my point in the third paragraph but I feel lots of things about these characters and have lots to say so as I kept writing I got more and more emotional and now I think I’ve driven my little block people shaped autism car into a brick wall. I think I’m going to go throw up and then let the earth reclaim me. yeaj that sounds good

TL;DR: girl I dont even know

[krashlite]

I’ve mentioned a few times that LimL had alliances with matching wounds/traumas, so I wanna talk about that!

But first let’s look at the setting

LimL is basically the first season where the game mechanic doesn’t feel.. Dangerous anymore. The risk is known, imminent, and there is a constant reminder of it through every action. But this reminder isn’t the death sentence it’s introduced as, basically all of them find it freeing. Before there was the illusion of survival- of being the last one standing. People weren’t just fighting for some cosmic title, they were fighting for their own survival. But now? Now they know they won’t survive. That illusion is broken, so they want to make the most of the time they have left. (Well, one of them was fighting for a cosmic crown but we’ll get to him)

It’s also the first season to have a Reward baked into the gimmick. Fulfill your role as boogeyman/yellow name/red name and you get more time back for yourself. There’s a reason to commit murders now, it’s not just Tactical, it’s fun! It’s also the first season that leans into the ways previous seasons skirted the rulebook. Again, Yellow names can kill now!! That is such a big deal!!! Especially considering how many people were finding loopholes in 3L and LL in order to kill as a non-red

(Also side-bar, but this season having people sub in for missing/afk people is HUGE but that’s a separate essay)

LimL already has established that this isn’t a season for survival. It sort of forces them into an absurdist mindset- nothing matters! Do as you please!

With there being basically no strain put on any of them, we get to see how they’d act in a “normal” setting. I do think this greatly contributed to how basically every alliance stayed together until they were no more

I’m splitting this into a few parts to avoid the Wall Of Text so below I’m gonna have each section linked

Team TIES | The Clockers | Nosey Neighbors | The Bad Boys | Mean Gills

[ferretwhomst]

HI i would like to ask about yuor silly blorbos yes :3 how do they end up meeting ?? And like whats going on with the rest of the pines in this au ?? I am Intrigued by this au

(Do you have any questions or wnything about rm au in return btw im going to be in the car for like two more hours im losing my mind i need blorbo fuel man)

HI EMBER THANK YOU EMBER WTEIODSURYTREHDFGHT

okay i'm first going to introduce them because... i have talked abt them in the church but not here as yet.

first of all. mabel h-10!!!

rick had to remove her braces since she got a tooth knocked out lol. she is pretty much exactly like canon mabel except slightly more rough around the edges + has more of an interest in BUGS. i don't know where this came from bc i don't even have an interest in bugs i just thought it'd be silly

anddd rick s-742!!

he's a lot like canon except a. fairly overprotective of mabel and b. is slightly less nsfw because [insert meta joke about how mabel is from a kid's show]. like i said in the alt text. mabel made that sweater for him :) mabel is also the reason he's wearing hair pins. she's SILLYFYING him... bit by bit...

so. as for how they met. it's not set in stone yet... i am still considering possibilities... But i am considering something like don't dimension it from lost legends going on. mabel h-10 gets lost in the multiverse and ends up in dimension mab-3l, but instead of getting snagged by the anti-mabel, ford jumps in after her and helps bail her out somehow... but SOMETHING FUCKED UP HAPPENS. something i'm not sure of yet. will figure it out as we go along,,, will likely involve ford getting caught and detained by intergalactic police. we'll see abt the specifics. but either way, it gets bad enough that ford sends out a distress signal as a last resort; he knows he's probably fucked but he doesn't want any harm to come to mabel at least.

he knows One Specific Person will receive that signal. rick owes him a favor after all

anyways yeah rick swoops in and grabs mabel at the last second and from then on he takes care of her. probably not indefinitely but for a decent amount of time, until they manage to get her back to ford. both of them Promptly grow attached to each other also yes this happens before rick returns to his family after years of being absent (rnm aired for the first time in 2013 so i'm taking that as the year he returned to them, meanwhile gf takes place in the summer of 2012. so like RIGHT before that), so mabel is all he has and vice versa. and boy does she remind him of so many people he's ever cared about. And Vice Versa because mabel sees a lot of her grunkles in him :3

also you may now be thinking "Ferret you havent mentioned stan or dipper at all. what's up with them." AND UH. THE SITUATION IS NOT GOOD BACK IN DIMENSION H-10. ford and mabel are missing and neither of them know what the fuck to do, DIPPER HAS TO GO BACK HOME WITHOUT HIS FUCKING SISTER. and stan has to deal with losing his tiny naive 13-yr-old niece AND losing his brother who he JUST GOT BACK. AWESOME. JUST FANTASTIC

(things will get resolved eventually but boy do things get worse for them before they get better!!!!!!!!!!!)

[lavendertea489]

Hear me out. These songs are all flower husband coded. Ju- just hear me out.

Spoilers for 3rd life below

Dandelions: It's fairly self explanatory. It talk about flowers and longing so my brain went "aah yes, flower husbands, mhm yes". (Literally the least in depth one.-) Wine Red: OK. Listen. Jimmy's final death was by a bow. He was shot. First line of the song? "Who shot that arrow in your throat?" Grated the next line is "Who missed the crimson apple?" implying the archer was aiming at a different target (now theoretically this *could* be counted as Scar but it's unlikely). But in my opinions these lines fit fh the most: "The sea is wine red, this is the death of beauty, the doves have died, the lovers have lied." Cloud 9: This song is just so bubbly and romantic. It's sweet and happy. I imagine it would be 3L!Jimmy singing it. "Lately, all I feel is bad and bruised, tired of tripping on my shoes." Definetly 3L!JImmy coded. He died twice in an episode lmao. "Eventually when we fade eventually, I'm nothing, you will always be my favorite form of loving.". This reminds me of the afterlife scene Scott shows at the end of his finale. It's sweet, they know it won't last, but they love each other anyways. "When I start to tumble from the sky, you remind me how to fly" Canary curse anyone? Kindergarten: It sweet it soft it giving butterflies in the stomach. " 'Cause this kindergarten crush has got my stomach all twisted, sweeter than sugar, lover, I'm addicted". This is so sweet. Also the fact that it's a 'kindergarten crush' gives the notion of a temporary situation. As if it won't last due to maturing/aging. Coffee Breath: Okay once again this is 3L!JImmy singing. "You've got those big blue eyes, drive me crazy" is him singing about Scott. "And you smell so sweet, like fresh-picked daisies." Scott is the cutesy flower guy who works on the base the most in terms of aesthetics. "And I watched you break, like glass, you shatter, said it's my mistake, I make things harder". Ok so the breaking like glass is the loss of lives right? But hear me out. It's actually Scott singing that bit. It refernces breaking twice which could be translated to the loss of two lives. Perhaps within a single episode. And then the last mistake is Scott talking about Jimmy feeling bad that he died so quickly. And let's ne honest 'supposedly' a red an green pairing wouldn't be easy (we all know how that ended). "And in our separate worlds, we sleep alone." ONe could interpret this as many things. The red/green divide, just their seperate houses, or their different kingdoms in empires. This has been my funky little ramble. I'll be so honest with you I have no idea if this actually is coherent at all. But I decided to post something non-art. P.S. If you like this, I may do some more songs sometime within the next few days. In the meantime you should go listen to these songs

[asexualzoro]

it’s my 22nd birthday today, and you know what that means... 

Lew Writes Wrapped 2022!

its virtually all third life this time, most of which have not been posted on main before. woe, the full weight of my third life obsession be upon ye

blood god, mortal red

(Jan, 1.2k, DSMP, oneshot) (link)

one of the Many minecraft execution fics i have written in my life, technoblade anvil edition

not to start this post off with making myself sad, but man, i miss him. 

i remember writing this one all in one sitting at work in january. i think i did a pretty good job with it from an artistic standpoint, and as an analytical piece, i think i hit the mark perfectly. that said, i don’t think i could reread it now. i do think it was fun as a writing exercise to force like, 5 seconds irl to stretch out into a thousand words

yes, the only way out is down

(April, 1.2k, 3L, oneshot) (link)

another minecraft execution fic, third life rendog edition! 

IM SO PROUD OF THIS ONE. im so fond of it it’s probably my favorite third life oneshot. ren’s execution makes me fucking rabid and this is just the most direct expression of that.

what’s funny is i actually remember being pretty dissatisfied with this fic when i finished it--there was a lot of stuff i wanted to hit on that i just couldnt swing around to--but when i stepped away from what i wanted it to be and looked at what it was, i realized i liked it a lot

the rhythm of cold fists

(May, 2.6k, 3L, onehsot) (link)

sometimes you get so worked up about the idea scar threw the finale of third life that you have to write a bunch of frenzied words on it

this one is funny bc i think its got the second most hits of any of my third life fic, but the comment number is really low comparatively. i mostly just had fun making the transcript of this scene and then fleshing that out into a full ‘novelization,’ it was a neat writing exercise! i don’t think anything in particular stands out about this one, but i’m happy with it overall

Wooden Mausoleum

(May, 3.8k, 3L, oneshot) (link)

Sometimes you get so worked up about the idea of the unactualized betrayal plotline of the most loyal man in the series that you have to write a bunch of frenzied words about it

okay this is going to sound bad but i keep forgetting i wrote this. i dont know why. i like this fic! one of my favorite paragraphs i wrote all year is in it! and yet??? i dunno.

id love to write a different martyn wins au where the betrayal isnt the sort of ‘mercy kill’ suggested in this fic, bc i still have not recovered from the unrealized betrayal plot. someday i’ll write a martyn wins au where he Means to win

i... still feel something is sort of off with the way this fic ends, but i think ive felt that about a lot of the fic/scene endings ive written of late. i think that ending scenes/fics is just ill have to work on this upcoming year! 

might be best to not look back

(Oct, 2.7k, 3L, oneshot) (link)

i’m starting to think all my oneshots are just me getting possessed by different parts of the third life. anyway i had a point to prove about scar throwing, and what might happen were he not being wildly unsubtle about throwing

i can write essays on this fic it makes me feel insane. i HAVE written an essay on it already just recently. tbh, this fic itself IS an essay written for the purpose of analyzing the penultimate third life scene. i have and could and will write more essays on the penultimate third life. this is all i have to say to avoid making this a 1k word post

i think i did what i wanted to pretty well? it was sort of confusing, by virtue of trying to talk about a point your viewpoint character won’t acknowledge, but it was a fun piece over all

missing or obstructed

(Oct-present, 6.3k, 3L, ongoing) (link) 

post third life fic but only grian and ren remember, featuring so many sleep/dreaming metaphors, because i lucid dream and have insomnia and it does a lot to me as a person

missing or obstructed has 14.7k words written but i havent fuckin posted most of it bc i got derailed by lamplight. missing i am so sorry i miss you so much but youve been obstructed. i am really excited for how the rest of this goes but i think i have to finish and completely exorcize lamplight from my head before i can go back to it in earnest. i DID post another chapter at 10pm yesterday so i had more of it to include in this wordcount tho,

missing or obstructed has been a lot of fun to write bc i lvoe stupid metaphors. it has sucked to write because it’s forced me to come up with worldbuilding shit for the watchers which has been so much more difficult than i thought. it’s been fun again cuz i love worldbuilding. it’ll be super fun when i finish the current scene i’m sitting and get to introduce martyn pov. i lvoe writing Martyn pov

Lamplight AU

(Nov-present, 20k, 3L/LL, series) (link)

renchanting dnd au. i put ren in a lantern. what else do you need

wadda hell. 

i cannot even begin to like--lamplight was literally supposed to be just 20 Questions and thats it, i wasn’t going to write more, but people liked it so much that i was like “sure, i’ll write a bit more” and you guys have been??? so kind. the amount of enthusiasm this fic has received thru kind tags/comments, asks and interest, and even art??? is equal parts deeply humbling and also incredibly likely to give me a god complex. this fic has been so much fun to write and my readers are the whole reason, i cant wait to show you what i have in store for the rest of it

six sentence sunday challenge

i also started a challenge back at the end of march of this year over on @driflew called Six Sentence Sunday. the rules are simple: every sunday, post six sentences you wrote that week.

i didn’t make it every week, but i made it a great deal of them. on occasion, i even posted 12 sentences the week after missing my six, meaning some weeks counted for two.

my six sentence sunday tag on that blog has 28 posts from the year! considering there’s only 52 weeks in a year, i started three months late, and a few of those weeks are actually two, i feel pretty good about the amount of weeks i made. not every week, but basically any week i didn’t have a good excuse not to complete my six sentences. it kept me writing all year, if only a little bit at a time, and i’ll be keeping up with it for sure!

to finish out,

i passed my writing amount from last year (25k) by over 10k words! my total number for this year doesnt even count the 7k or so from missing or obstructed i havent posted, plus an uncounted few hundred words of unposted snippets for lamplight. i’m really happy with everything i’ve done this year! 

which… this year i wrote and posted 37,800+ words! 

thank you to everyone who has supported my writing all year, as always, it means the world to me. happy birthday to me, and thank you to you for reading! 

(birthday wishes and/or reblogs appreciated!)

[hermitcraftkinfessions]

i miss preening grian's wings.

it was a task that had to be done pretty much every day because we were in the desert and all that sand kept getting in between his feathers, he tried to play it off as being fine but i always felt so bad because i made him stay in the desert, and i could tell he was uncomfortable so i always made sure to preen them every night

it was always the only time we got us time, it was the only time me and gri got to relax and speak about our day, instead of planning attacks or defending ourselves and our base, it was a small routine that stuck around until the last couple days where there wasn't much time to do so

i miss the feel of his wings, i miss the hum of his voice as he lazily spoke to me about whatever he had got up to, whilst relaxing back into my touch until i had to remind him to sit forwards so i could actually continue on with preening

i miss the way his face blushed as he realised what he was doing and how he always tried to make a lame excuse his bird brain could stumble out that i always pretended to understand

i miss when he used to fall asleep midway through and i had to pick him up and bring him to bed, and how that was pretty much the only way i could get him to sleep

i miss my grian.

- 3l!scar kin 🐈🏜

Fair enough man... sounds like you two had a super close bond. its very fair to miss people like that

-Mod Hels

[darkclouud9]

thinking about how I got into hermitcraft again bc it's funny

so years ago I watched Grian's content before he joined season 6

and then he joined season 6 and I watched his first episode and however old cloud was like, what is this shit, and stopped watching Grian

then season 7 started and popped up in my recommended.

and so I got fixated on hermitcraft since, starting to watch a few hermits, then watching at least at *least* one episode from all hermits.

and then cloud concluded that Etho and xB were the most BORING hermits who I couldn't even watch one episode for. Beef was somewhat among them but I at least thought his builds were cool in whatever episode I watched.

and then 3rd Life came around and because I was a massive Grian fan at the time, I watched it.

and that began my Etho phase.

for some reason 3rd Life made me watch Etho and love his content, but made me stop watching Ren >:[ (he was so scary in 3L!! apparently...) I still love Ren and i miss him and I want to watch him again and I've tried but I just haven't been able to watch his hermitcraft anymore. I did watch his DL tho :] and some of his LL. but i can't quite remember actively watching it. I just vaguely remember Fairy Fort from his pov

also I have watched and enjoyed Grian's s6 and Etho's s7, past cloud is an idiot for ever thinking anything bad of them lol

[dismal-noise]

Let’s Learn About Water Weight

Hello everyone! I’ve been seeing a lot of confusion about water weigh on ED tumblr, so let’s talk about it! 

[DISCLAIMER: I’m not an expert, just spent some time researching and want to share what I found]

All my sources will be at the end of the post <3

So... What is it?

The term “water weight” (in terms of dieting) refers to the bloating you feel sometimes with seemingly no reason. This is also the most likely reason for your weight loss plateau (especially if you have been maintaining your calorie deficiency and macros).

Extra water is stored all over your body in tissue or between blood vessels, and tens to pool in your extremities. So if you wake up sometimes and feel like your hands are stiff and puffy, that’s why! 

Here are some causes:

Dehydration!!

Too much salt

Carbs

Thanks! I Hate It.

Me too, so let’s talk about what we can do. 

Dehydration:

This one seems super backwards, right? I mean, why does having MORE water in my body mean I might be dehydrated?

Well think of it like this; our bodies don’t know that we have access to water whenever we need it*. So when you are dehydrated, the body will hold onto all the water it can because it doesn’t know when you’re gonna find water next. 

Here are some things you can do:

Drink up, try to be drinking water throughout the day. If you feel thirsty, then take a drink of water! 2-3L of water will ensure that you are well hydrated, but don’t push yourself. Take it slow and don’t make yourself sick <3

Eat your water! Add some more hydrated foods to your diet. Watermelon and cucumber are 2 great and low-cal examples!

Get those electrolytes! Losing too many of these bad bois can also cause dehydration. I like to get a bunch of 0 cal powerade to help with this but you can do whatever you like :)

Too much salt

This one is pretty self explanatory. Too much salt = more water retention. The salt will dehydrate and we’ve already talked about what dehydration does.

HOWEVER! Don’t think of salt as the enemy and attempt to cut it out completely! Sodium is a mineral our body uses everyday, so make sure you still include some salt in your diet.

Here are some things you can do:

Watch how much salt you consume! if you feel like you’re holding onto more water weight, it may just be due to consuming more salt yesterday that you’re body needed

Drink up! Hydrate yourself with some water!

Energy and Carbs

Have you noticed that after finishing a restrictive diet, you seem to gain back some weight very fast? Carbohydrates are the reason, but not for the reasons you may think.

So lets talk about Glycogen, one of the ways your body stores Carbohydrates. Glycogen is large molecule made up of a protein core surrounded by glucose. This stuff is stored in the liver and muscles, and is used during energy-intensive exercises, and for supporting the brain when food is scarce. This is because it’s a form of energy that the body can quickly metabolize. 

The Glycogen molecule is bound to water molecules when in storage (think 1g of Glycogen = 3-4g of water). This means that when your body uses 1 gram of Glycogen, about 3 grams of water is released from the body. 

It only takes a few days for all your Glycogen to be used up, and this is why your weight loss will seem dramatic at first! But once you start eating those Cabs again, your body rushes to replace all that missing Glycogen. 

So all that water weight you lost will most likely come back as your body restores its energy stores. This is totally normal and a very good thing!!! But I know that it is also super frustrating so lets see what we can do

Don’t cut carbs completely! Carbohydrates are super important for your body to function, and having more carbs while you diet MIGHT help to mitigate the weight fluxuations when you lose and gain water weight.

Be kind to yourself, and expect this to happen. You’re ok, its not fat. be kind and stay hydrated, it’ll go away after a while. 

Is there anything else I can do?

Actually yes! Have a cheat meal once in a while!! I mean it, having an occasional high calorie day helps you get rid of water weight. 

There was a super cool study done during WWII about starvation diets that became known as the “Minnesota Starvation Experiment”. It’s about very low cal diets and what they do to the body. 

The TLDR is that researchers fed participants low cal diets for low periods of time. But the participants didn’t weigh that much less, they were stuck in a plateau. BUT after a big high calorie day, the researchers noticed the participants getting up to pee a lot the following night. And the next day BOOM! Dramatic “weight loss” as all the water weight had been expelled the night before!

It’s a very cool study that I think you all should check out!

Conclusion

Be kind to yourself, stay hydrated, and plan cheat days. Water weight is a bit of a bitch but it’s completely normal and is not permanent. 

Stay safe everyone! 

Love, Dismal

Sources:

What’s water weight? (WebMD)

Science explains why you lose water weight (ThoughtCo)

What is water weight (kaylaitsines.com)

Water retention and weight loss (Southwest family medicine)

Bonus readings:

MN starvation experiment 

Benefits of drinking water

Hydration and weight loss (scientific paper)

*I know not everyone has access to water, Educational Resource Here

[ellieloves2draw]

various 3l/ll scribbles

(ID, image 1: a rough drawing of the snow fort from last life, specifically the bridge going to the central tower. there’s a hill beneath the bridge, and a half-broken fence runs down it. in the background, etho’s tree, the fort walls, and the silhouette of the spruce forest can be seen. on the bridge, next to the cobblestone tower, is mumbo and skizz. skizz is pointing a sword at etho, tango, and bdubs, all standing next to the snow tower. the shot is zoomed out, so no facial features are visible. beneath the drawing, the words “etho dies today” are written. end image 1.)

(image 2: two side-by-side drawings of etho’s outfit in hermitcraft and last life. in the hermitcraft drawing, etho wears a vest with pockets, a long white scarf, simple black pants, and white socks and sandals. in the last life drawing, he wears a dark cape with a fur collar, black cargo pants, and short boots. end image 2.)

(image 3: a drawing of bdubs and cleo in 3rd life. cleo stands with her arms crossed and her eyes closed. bdubs has his hands on his hips and looks shocked and affronted. there are two large exclamation points next to his face. a line points from cleo to some text, which reads: “impulse can’t be our girlfriend anymore. he’s cheating on us with ren.” end image 3.)

(image 4: rough sketches of scott and pearl from last life. on the left is a slightly more detailed sketch of scott, who has a neutral stance and looks tired and somewhat sad. on the right is a less detailed drawing of scott walking in front of and next to pearl. scott looks over his shoulder and is gesturing with his right hand, while pearl looks forward and is gesturing with her left hand. there are small, blank speech bubbles coming from both of them, implying a conversation. end image 4.)

(image 5: bdubs and cleo from 3rd life. bdubs is standing on something and is looking over his shoulder down at cleo. he has a quizzical expression and has a small question mark next to his head. below him, drawn smaller and more simply to imply distance, cleo has a sheepish grin and is holding her index fingers together. next to her, the words “bdubs, i did a bad thing” are written. end image 5.)

(image 6: a drawing of bdubs from last life. he has a black eye and a missing tooth. he appears to be yelling about something, and there are three lines next to his face to accentuate this. his left hand is on his chest and right hand is gesturing to the side of him. there are a couple curved lines implying that he’s sweeping his arm out. end image 6.)

(image 7: etho and bdubs from last life. etho is drawn as an enderman and is holding a shield in front of him. he holds a pickaxe in his right hand. across from him is bdubs, who has white hair, bags under his eyes, and a ripped shirt. his moss cloak is tied around his waist. his arms are spread out to either side, and he’s looking at etho with a wide smile that is both genuine and somewhat manic. etho looks down at him with a slightly nervous expression. end image 7.)

(image 8: etho and bdubs from last life. they’re hugging each other tightly. etho’s face is hidden by bdubs’ head and bdubs face is mostly hidden by etho’s shoulder. however, the edge of bdubs’ eye and eyebrow is just visible, implying that his eyes are tightly shut and his brows are furrowed. end image 8. end ID.)

[somebodycall911onabc]

Spoon me, you idiot

Post ep4x13 Buddie because my brain is just that episode on loop. Hands up if you're not ready for the season 4 finale, folks. Have some cuddling and love confessions in the meantime.

Buck helps Eddie over the threshold with one hand at Eddie’s elbow and the other pressed against his hip. Eddie’s fine, he’s fine, he’s alive, but he’s exhausted. Pain and shock weigh down his shoulders, make him unsteady on his feet.

Carla breathes in sharply at the sight of him. Then she’s stepping forward, folding Eddie into a soft embrace, pulling his head down cheek to cheek with hers. Buck drags his eyes away from his living, breathing, living friend to find Chris, who’s lying on the couch with his glasses askew, mouth open in sleep. Buck’s heart clenches like a fist. He’s going to remember Chris’s haunted, horrified expression for the rest of his life, the light dying in Chris’s eyes as Buck had to tell him… had to tell him that his dad wasn’t coming home that night.

Buck walks over to Chris and kneels down beside him. He’s pretty sure it’s the first time Chris has slept since he heard about it. The first time in more than 48 hours that the kid’s closed his eyes. Buck brushes the curls back from Chris’s forehead, trying to be gentle, not wanting to wake him.

Eddie gets down next to Buck, their knees pressing together. Buck feels the shudder that runs down Eddie’s spine, feels it echoed in his soul. Buck isn’t the religious type, but he feels like this is another miracle. Years after his first brush with death, Eddie coming home once again to his son.

With a hand on Chris’s shoulder, Eddie murmurs, “hey, my little Superman. Chris, I’m here.”

Chris’s eyes open slowly, reluctantly, until he sees his dad’s face and wakes up all at once.

“Dad!” Chris shouts, hands flying up to attach themselves to Eddie’s face. “Dad!”

Eddie’s smiling, huffing out laughter in pure, unadulterated joy at seeing his son’s delighted expression. Chris is grinning and whooping, falling forward to curl himself into his dad’s chest. Eddie lifts one arm to hold Chris close and buries his face in Chris’s hair.

Buck blinks back tears, feeling relief crash over him. He rubs his eyes and starts to get to his feet, wanting to give the Diaz boys some space, until he feels a tug on his shirt. Eddie’s hand twists in the fabric. He’s not even looking at Buck, head tucked against the curve of Chris’s skull. Buck sinks back down and tentatively puts his arms around the both of them, Chris’s knobbly spine and Eddie’s strong back, his cheek brushing Eddie’s forehead. Buck lets out a breath that trembles like an earthquake.

It feels like home. It feels impossible. It’s what he’s always wanted. It feels like something Buck isn’t allowed to have.

When they finally let go of each other, what could be a minute or a year later, Buck notices Carla standing at the end of the couch. She’s smiling fondly at all of them, and Buck realizes abruptly that this is the first time he’s seen her since the pandemic started. He gets up—although it’d be more fair to say he tears himself away—and moves toward her, and there’s always been something magic about Carla because she takes one look at him and she knows.

“I missed you,” Buck says, his nose smashed into her chin. She’s hugging him like she’s trying to pack Buck down tight and snug him into a little box where she can keep him safe. Or maybe that’s just Buck’s wishful thinking. He’s so goddamn tired.

“I missed you too, Buckaroo,” Carla says, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. Buck swallows the lump in his throat her tenderness causes.

She pulls away and very gently pats his cheek, looking Buck in the eye. “He needs you, you hear?” She whispers, holding that eye contact like she’s bet money on a staring competition. “Take care of each other.”

Buck can only nod.

She lets go of him and Buck shakes himself into standing straight, even though he’d much rather crumple to the floor. But he needs to get Eddie and Chris to bed, he needs to figure out what’s still edible in the kitchen and take out the trash, he needs to call the pharmacy for Eddie’s meds and the station for Eddie’s med leave, he needs to—

“Alright boys, get some rest.” Buck blinks and Carla comes back into focus. She’s addressing all of them, voice firm. “I’ll be here bright and early tomorrow to help out.”

“Thank you, Carla,” Eddie says.

“No need for that.” She bends down to give Eddie a quick hug, and Buck hears her tell him, “just try not to get on the bad side of any more sniper-rifle-wielding nut jobs, alright?”

Eddie’s reply is somewhere between a laugh and a choked-back sob.

Buck walks Carla to the door. Before she leaves, she looks at him, sharp-eyed and commanding again. “You call me if you need anything. Anything. You look just as bad as he does.”

“I’ll be fine. Thanks, Carla.”

She narrows her eyes at him, but this is what Buck has always been best at. He wades through the hurt and the pain and just keeps going. He gives her a tight smile, reminds himself that he wasn’t the one shot (no, just the one sprayed with Eddie’s blood, he can still feel it on his skin, still taste it on his lips), and closes the door behind her.

Getting Chris and Eddie to bed is easy. Buck lifts Chris up, carries him to Eddie’s room, and pulls the covers over both the Diaz boys. Eddie tries to catch Buck’s eye while Buck leaves the room, but if Buck stops moving then he’s not sure when or if he’ll start again. Buck pulls the bedroom door most of the way closed, leaving a tiny crack in case Eddie or Chris need him in the night.

In the kitchen, the clock on the stove informs him that it’s just past 9 pm. It’s jarringly early. It feels like time doesn’t really exist, that he’s been moving in a place defined by the hours since Eddie dropped, the hours since Eddie went into surgery, the hours since Eddie woke up.

Buck opens the fridge and looks into it without seeing anything, like when you’re reading only to realize that three pages have gone by without you remembering a single word. He closes the fridge door and opens it again, and oh, there’s the carton of milk and bottle of ketchup on the top shelf, the egg carton down to its last egg, a container of left-over fried rice from… was it yesterday? Buck folds back the top flap and sniffs it, decides it will be fine for one of the boys to eat when they get up.

He closes the fridge and investigates the pantry next. Two boxes of spaghetti, a can of beans, three cans of chicken noodle soup, an unopened bag of quinoa that is probably the result of Ana because Buck’s not sure Eddie has ever heard of quinoa—like he’s taking inventory of the truck. Thermal blankets, C-spine collar kit, 3L of sterile water, 3L sodium chloride, hug-a-bear. The 118 has a blue elephant courtesy of Athena. Buck could honestly really use it right now.

Buck runs a hand through his hair and pulls out his phone, planning to make a grocery list. He sees two missed calls from Bobby and eight from Maddie. One from Chim. Hen texted him at 4pm: How you holding up?

Buck very slowly puts the phone down.

He takes a step back and grips the edge of the kitchen counter. Breathe, Buck, he thinks. Just breathe.

His vision is spotty when he opens his eyes, like he’d shut them too tight. He doesn’t remember shutting them. It doesn’t matter. Buck finds a scrap of paper in the recycling bin and a pen from the junk drawer and writes a list. It’s late, so he’ll go to the grocery store in the morning, early, make sure breakfast is on the table for when Eddie and Chris get up. Oh fuck, does he have a shift tomorrow? What day is it?

Buck puts down the pen and presses the heels of his palms to his eyes. He can’t do this. He can’t stand here and pretend like he can take care of Eddie because he can’t stop seeing Eddie die. It’s in the back of his head every moment, it’s what he sees every time he closes his eyes, it’s the memory rewritten by his cells as they multiply and decay, it’s in his fucking genome now or whatever they call it—

it’s in the air he breathes, the reminder that for a moment that lasted an eternity, Eddie’s heart had stopped beating.

It’s a loud silence. Deafening.

Buck thinks, take a breath before you pass out, idiot.

Buck thinks, get a glass of water and pull yourself together.

Buck thinks, your best friend just got shot, you don’t have time for this bullshit.

Buck peels his hands away from the counter slowly, carefully, like if he makes one wrong move he’ll come away with flayed palms. He pours himself a glass of water and makes himself drink the whole thing. He picks up the list he wrote and reads it over and over and over. He thinks: what do I know is true? I’m standing in Eddie’s kitchen. I’m alive. Eddie is alive. And: I should get carrots.

Buck hiccups. Carrots—fucking—

No. Get it together. DAMN IT, Buck!

Buck bites the inside of his cheek until it bleeds and does not add carrots to the grocery list. Because apparently they cause emotional breakdowns, and Buck can’t afford one.

He puts himself to work. He ties the trash bag and then he wipes down the counters, and then he unties the trash bag to throw some paper towels in. He transfers the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher, quiet as he can, and locates a broom at the back of Eddie’s hall closet to sweep the floor.

When he’s emptying the dust pan into the trash (he’d tied and untied the bag again, but nobody’s counting, so what does it matter), Eddie says: “Are you OK?”

Buck jumps at least three feet in the air. He’s got the quads for it.

“Hey!” Buck whisper-shouts, turning to face Eddie. “What are you doing up?”

“Was wondering where you were.”

“Uh,” Buck looks around at the spotless kitchen and the broom in his hand. “Just, you know. Thought I’d be of service.”

Eddie raises his eyebrows at him. “Buck, the last thing I’m worried about is the state of my kitchen.”

“Right. That’s why I’m taking care of it. You know, so you don’t uh. You don’t have to.”

“OK.” Eddie squints at him like maybe a closer look will explain why Buck is sweeping his kitchen at 9:45pm three days after he got shot in the street in broad daylight. Buck sincerely hopes he doesn’t figure it out. He leans the broom against the counter and clips the dust pan to it in a rare display of tidiness. The pan slides down the broom handle until it hits the floor.

“When’s the last time you slept?”

Buck shrugs.

“Answer, please.”

God, what a dad.

(Not that Buck would know.)

“Uh… I think I got a few hours while you were in surgery.”

“That was two days ago, Buck,” Eddie says, frowning at him. “You look like a stiff breeze could knock you over.”

“Well, we’re inside.”

“Why are you being so stubborn? You need to sleep.”

“I’m just not really feeling it,” Buck says, folding his arms and resting his hip against the counter.

“Not giving you a choice,” Eddie says, looking extra grumpy because he can’t fold his arms. Unless you count the one in a sling as folded.

“I’m fine, Eddie. Don’t worry about me. You should be with Christopher.”

Eddie lifts his hand to his face and rubs his temples.

“Buck,” he says, “the only thing I need you to do right now is come to bed.”

“But I—“

“Come to bed, Buck.”

And it’s the repetition. It’s the look in Eddie’s eyes like a slow, early flame: the promise of a fire.

Buck’s throat is very, very dry.

“I… yeah. OK.”

Eddie gives him a small smile. Buck’s reeling. Because here’s the thing—they’ve shared a bed before. They’ve shared a too-small bunk at the station and a backseat and even a beanbag once (courtesy of a very poor decision on Buck’s part, but at least Chris likes it). But it’s always been “just bros.” It’s always been necessity. It’s been about efficiency and familiarity. Which maybe Buck is reading this all wrong and snuggling up with your best friend and his son after a near-death experience is totally no homo but… come to bed. Come to bed. Like it’s their bed. Like Buck belongs there.

Buck’s ears are ringing while he follows Eddie down the hallway to his bedroom. Their bedroom? He’s losing it.

The hallway light illuminates a strip of the room as they step inside. Buck can see Chris tucked in the sheets, curled into the rumpled spot where Eddie slid out to fetch Buck. This has to mean something, right? They’ve been dancing around and on the edge of something for so long, Buck doesn’t know how to interpret anything anymore. He loves Eddie, though. And probably the only way he’ll sleep right now is if Eddie’s in arm’s reach. So it doesn’t really matter what this is, because Buck will take any scrap of Eddie he can get, not just tonight, but always.

Eddie slips into the bed and scoots forward, leaving a space behind for Buck. Chris makes a heavy, sleepy sound and turns his head into his dad’s shoulder. Carefully, so, so carefully, Buck lowers himself onto the bed and fills the space Eddie made for him.

“What are you doing?” Eddie asks, exasperated.

Buck blinks at the ceiling. “What?”

“Idiot,” Eddie mutters. “Spoon me.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Buck, this bed is small enough as it is with one person. I know you’re hanging half off it right now.”

“You’re not even looking at me.”

“Call it intuition,” Eddie says, dry as the desert.

Buck gingerly turns on his side, his chest just a breath away from Eddie’s back. “I…” He swallows. “Where should I put my arm?”

“Buck, you must have done this before.”

“That’s your bad arm, Eds.”

Eddie shifts a little, his calf coming into contact with Buck’s shin. Buck breaks into a cold sweat.

“Shit, well… under the sling, then. Around my waist?”

Dry, dry, his throat is so dry.

Buck lifts his arm up and drapes it over Eddie’s waist. He shuffles in closer, pressing them together from head to toe. His nose is in Eddie’s hair, his dick is nestled in the curve of Eddie’s ass, his ankles are knocking into Eddie’s. Buck feels like he might reverberate out of his skin.

“You sure you wouldn’t rather have Ana here?” Buck whispers. His mouth is like, one inch from Eddie’s ear.

Eddie turns his head a little, so his ear actually brushes Buck’s lip. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Eddie says, “There’s no one in this world I want here more than you.”

Buck stutters on his next breath.

“I wish it’d been me,” he says, suddenly. Eddie has to know. Eddie probably already knows. Buck’s grateful, so goddamn grateful, that Eddie survived. And sure, part of it is that self-deprecating shit he’s been working through with this therapist: Eddie has more to live for, Eddie has a kid, Eddie is a better man than I’ll ever be. But mostly, it’s far simpler than that.

If Eddie had died, the sniper may as well have shot Buck too. Because Buck doesn’t know how to live without Eddie. He’d found that out ages ago, when he lost Eddie under fifty feet of mud and water.

Eddie’s next words are nearly a growl. “The only good thing to come out of all this,” he says, “is that you didn’t get hurt.”

“What are you—“

“After it happened, when I was… when I was lying there, I—I looked at you. I looked at you, Buck, and I was terrified. Not because I might die, but because if I did, who was going to protect you? Who was going to keep a sniper off your self-sacrificing, heroic ass, and make sure someone came home to Chris? Who was—“ Eddie cut himself off with a sigh. “I was worried about you.”

Buck feels like… like an unbroken, empty tundra. Like a fried electric socket. Like someone dropped him to the very bottom of a very deep well.

“Eddie, Eddie I—“

“Shh,” Eddie murmurs, as Buck shakes apart. As he bends his head to hide his tears in the nape of Eddie’s neck. As he bites his tongue to stay quiet and not wake Chris up. Eddie presses backward into Buck’s hold. “I know, I know.”

“I can’t lose you,” Buck grits out between several halting breaths.

“You won’t,” Eddie says.

“I almost did.”

“You had my back.” Buck’s throat makes an awful, wheezing sound as he fights a losing battle against crying. “You got me out of there. You saved me.”

“I love you,” Buck says, losing the fight against that too.

“Buck… I…” Eddie sounds like someone knocked the wind out of him.

“Sorry,” Buck hurries to say, chest icing over with panic. “Sorry I just—“

“I love you,” Eddie interrupts. “I do. I know it took me a long time to realize, but… I’ve been in love with you, Buck.”

“Oh my god,” Buck says. I mean, what else do you say to that? No wonder Eddie froze up. Buck is in shock. “Is this real?”

“I hope so,” Eddie says. “And if it isn’t, then I’ll just have to tell you when we wake up.”

Buck feels fit to burst with more emotions than he can name. Relief, joy, fear, disbelief, pin-prickly. It feels like another miracle.

“Deal,” Buck says. And places a kiss to the fatal, devastating spot behind Eddie’s ear.

Eddie is the first thing Buck sees when he wakes up. “Good morning” are the first words he hears.

And then:

“Just so you know, I love you.”

[mcybree]

im barely awake rn but i miss 3l!scott so bad . He boarded up jimmy’s house after he died “out of respect” and then said he still might unboard it if he needed to take some of jimmy’s stuff. Was it really out of respect or did you want some way to block out the insurmountable grief in your peripheral

[krashlite]

Thinking abt c!grian because yeah

He frames himself as a strategist for every single game, looking at his options and seeing what works. Mostly what “works” is whatever impulsive decision didn’t kill him. He then looks back, rationalizes it as being a part of the plan. This is especially telling for what ‘plans’ didn’t work, because they have a lasting impact on other rounds. So here’s my take on his thought process bc psychoanalysis or whatever:

In 3L Scar was Grian’s ride or die. The two of them were a menace on the server, Grian seeing himself as the cool, rational analyst and Scar his unhinged counterpart. This is despite the fact that Grian is the one on a warpath while Scar is much more interested in scamming people. Grian ends up being betrayed by Scar via one of Scar’s scams.

So in LL Grian blatantly refuses to team with Scar. I know OOC it’s because of repetitive alliances or whatever but IN character the thought process is “Scar’s trying to scam people again. If he scammed and betrayed me once then he’ll do it again.” Never mind how much he misses what they had.

When Grian turned red for the first time in LL, he goes to team with Joel. I can’t remember if they were the only reds but the thought process is “If I have the most unhinged person on the server next to me, we’ll survive like last time because everyone’s too scared to confront us.” Right? WRONG. Later when Joel starts on a spree, the both of them get hunted for sport.

So an unhinged partner isn’t the play. Okay, fine! Fine. Who has a good head on their shoulders?

BigB! Who rarely starts fights, rarely gets into trouble, often lasts pretty long on green, he’s perfect!

So in DL he immediately seeks BigB out as a soulmate, then a secret soulmate when they weren’t bound together. However that alliance never saw its full potential because of ren/bigb’s untimely demise.

The reason he didn’t fully stay with Scar is the same reason he sought out BigB, can’t be by someone unhinged

THEN PEARL WINS AFTER BEING UNHINGED ALL SEASON

So what on earth was he doing wrong???

Ok fine chaotic towards the start, maybe..??? He joins the bad boys and they are collectively a menace. Learning from LL, when Joel hits the murder stage he puts distance between them and immediately heads over to pearl and bigb. Pearl, who won last round being unhinged, and bigb who is reasonable and someone grian never properly teamed with.

I will update this when LimL ends

Side tangent but he doesn’t see himself as crazy. He- he doesn’t. Pearl, Scar, and others definitely knew they were off the deep end, but Grian’s so used to explaining it away to himself that he just doesn’t realize he’s the lunatic in his relationships. He truly doesn’t. He thinks air strikes are a normal tactical thing and that cackling like a hyena afterwards is perfectly reasonable.

[3lsmp]

i miss trafficblr during 3L and LL so bad :(

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

because i’m a sucker for crossovers, i just had an idea that i’m currently obsessed with (long post)

imagine c!Scott becoming unstable after the loss of his husband. he’s on yellow now but he’s playing to win so he doesn’t make himself red to take revenge. he lets the others do that for him. he gets far in the series but loses his red life as he succumbs to the bloodlust and gets lured into a trap, causing him to die alone and afraid and angry and betrayed. 

when he respawns, he’s presented with a choice. go back to his lonely world or join a new one for a fresh start. he chooses the latter. there’s too many memories he wants to forget.

he finds himself in a new world with people he recognises, but that’s not the strangest part. he has powers. he can strike things with lightning, he explodes in a supernova when he dies, and he’s constantly surrounded by purple energy. 

he’s been reborn. as a starborne. 

he gets closer to the people of this world, who all have powers just like him. they all have pasts that they’d rather forget. and they’re all making a new start in this world, just like him. 

slowly, he lets himself trust again. he lets himself love again. he falls in love with this new world and his new friends. Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, Philza, Ranboo, Niki, Jack, to name just a few. they care for him and he cares for them in turn. they’re his new family, and he won’t let any of them suffer the way he did. the way Jimmy did. 

ofc for the first few weeks, he struggles with PTSD. you don’t go through something like 3rd Life and come out the other side unscathed. the first time someone dies in front of him, he has a really bad panic attack, only managing to recover when the person who died rushes back to comfort him, reminding him that he doesn’t have to worry about deaths anymore. he has nightmares every night: about being betrayed, about dying forever, about losing people he loves. especially Jimmy. Jimmy’s face won’t leave his nightmares for a long time. 

he also struggles with letting go of his red life bloodlust. the burning anger and hatred he feels when the smallest things set him off. the first time Tubbo kills him to test out his explosion power, Scott goes crazy and attacks him, killing him over and over again before Wilbur and Phil finally manage to calm him down. he still gets this sometimes, though more infrequently. let’s just say the other OSMPers learn pretty quickly not to sneak up on Scott or disturb him when he’s alone. 

but 3rd Life eventually becomes a distant memory. the only reminder that it ever happened is the ring that Jimmy gave him. “obviously not an actual wedding ring but still something that connects the two of us forever” were his exact words. it glows brightly whenever he uses his powers, reminding him that a part of Jimmy will stay with him forever, continually giving him strength.

finally, he starts to recover. he’s finally safe again. he’s finally loved again. he doesn’t have to worry about being betrayed or dying forever or losing anyone he loves ever again. and though he misses his 3rd Life friends, he’s content with the knowledge that they’re back on their respective servers, safe and alive, and he’ll see most of them again through MCC someday. 

weeks later, the flower husbands have their last hoorah in MCC14 by taking the crown with the rest of their team (bc in this fanon, MCC14 takes place a few weeks after 3L ends). after the event, Scott and Jimmy sit down together and just talk about how they’ve been after 3L. it’s nice to catch up and get some closure, since up ‘til now they’ve been busy with training and they didn’t get a chance to talk properly before Jimmy lost his last life. 

that night, Scott returns to OSMP with his friends and when he goes to bed, looking at the crown on his bedside table, he feels like a weight has been lifted from his life. something is different from before and he knows exactly what it is.

he’s happy again.