#i miss being on my blog the way i used to be that was a great time 🤧

[silenceandpatiencepining]

I am dusting off my little blog here because TTPD has my mind absolutely reeling. I am really wondering if anyone else listened to this and had this feeling that the album confirmed everything that they were thinking was going on with her. I know we talk so much about reading her songs beneath the surface of muses or certain details used to craft a story, but to me, TTPD reads so strongly of her reckoning with her life in the industry. like, it's so much more than the relationships. it's the comp het, it's the religious trauma, it's the being exploited as a child star, it's deep wound of abandonment and neglect when she as a person got split off from her brand and both could not thrive, it's giving everything to this brand and career and fandom and that still never being enough. it's her codependency with the very people that exploit her. it's the fact that she is bigger than she ever imagined and none of it feels how she wanted. it's the simultaneous love and resentment she has towards her family, and relationships, and career, and yes, even her fans.

the rawness of this album, the unrefined feel, the summation poem talking about this as mania, the continuation of the cage imagery and themes of escaping to her mind/fantasy, the coping with criticism, numbing it all with alcohol, the willingness to burn it all down and disgrace her name because none of this is what she wants or at least not how she wants.

I have seen so many criticisms of the album and honestly, I understand where they are coming from, but I also think the things they criticize make the exact point of what this body of work is - something that exists for it's own sake to turn things back on the people that made her into what she is now. art created not to be acclaimed but because it demands to be expressed. it is an exorcism, an expulsion. it is something that erupted from her. and it's so meta because this fandom and the industry are voyeurs in an echo chamber so desperate to see what they want that they miss that this is about them. that is what makes it brilliant to me - it is self-indulgent and metaphorical, and complex, and so direct, but yet still masked just enough that people miss it. her entire life has become performance art. it is a play within a play. and I fear the audience has not caught on.

it feels like she is reclaiming it all. I feel like this could either be a hint at a new beginning or a signal that she has broken and this is the end. this felt like the tell-all memoir written in code that everyone else will finally understand when she really leaves this spotlight. it's the lucky one come to life. she is daydreaming about fucking it all and leaving this life behind so she can finally have some goddamn peace.

I love this album for it as art. it is so expressive. it is so heartbreaking. it's messy and nuanced, and I think it is going way the fuck over most people's heads, especially when you really dig into poetry being the theme and the specific works she references. it's only been a week and I am just starting to really dig in but talk about a fucking iceberg.

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

CNC originally meant for a sub to consent to things they would not consent to at the discretion of a dom. It was for seasons where the sub's hard-limits did not matter, only the doms. It could be done with or without safewords. Which is why the practice is so controversial and why it is called consensual non-consent in the first place. At some point, people started using it to mean actual rapeplay and it stuck but the original definition is likely why the other Anon was confused. I think that they knew the original/real meaning but somehow missed the popular misuse of the term.

It didn’t stick with the term because, and I cannot express this enough, that is just sexual abuse. There’s no reason to call it anything else. At a certain point if a term is being used almost exclusively to refer to something else, the origin of the term is irrelevant.

The word gay used to mean jovial or gaudy and flamboyant, now it means queer or homosexual. Hell, queer used to just mean odd, but if you say gay or queer it’s going to be assumed you aren’t using the original definitions.

Like I said in the other ask, the definition you’re attributing to CNC is some 50 Shades nonsense that no one actually does. If you went into a kink space and said “yeah I purposely ignore my sub’s real hard-limits and made them give me permission to do it so it’s totally fine” someone might get their puppy boy to bite and maul them like a rabid animal because you’re admitting to real sexual abuse and rape.

There’s plenty of real kink blogs on this site. Go take a browse and see how many of the CNC ones think any of what you’re referring to is acceptable. R.I.P. to all five people who used the term that way originally I guess, but at this point it’s synonymous with rape-play and used in lieu of that term to avoid implying real sexual abuse is erotic.

I’ve been in kink spaces for longer than some of my followers have been alive and I have never heard anyone use it to mean a dom gets to force a sub into a scene that is legitimately a hard-limit for them with the absence of any means for the sun to retract consent to that.

Because rape isn’t kink, and that definition falls squarely into the former category.

[acourtofthought]

@starsreminisce posted these comments on their blog:

And the last paragraph really stood out to me.

Something I've seen said by a certain side of the fandom is that a bonus chapter should not change the trajectory of what is in the actual book. I disagree with that because I look at the bonus chapters as a sneak peek of what's to come in future books (with this particular bonus following the pattern talked about in a post yesterday, with the resolution to the small story pointing us in the direction of Gwynriel), things that Sarah will at a later point expound on within the actual series even if they weren't initially clear to us without having read the bonus.

But say that's the truth, say the bonus chapters are only in line with that which we already know (which still works for Gwynriel because though the bonus hinted at Gwyn having a curiosity towards Az and him possibly having a bond with her, we do see bits of that in the actual book as well, there are scenes with her staring in his direction and scenes where he's staring in hers, where he shows admiration for her, where she's teasing him, where Nesta calls Az her new ribbon).

One of the big arguments is that it's extremely clear that Elain has no interest in Lucien, that it's been the case for multiple books. It's said Elain does not owe Lucien an explanation, that she does not owe him her time or attention.

So why not write an Elain bonus chapter in SF where she and Lucien have a conversation discussing how they don't want to explore their bond? According to E/riels there's no need for it in the first place since she's made herself clear but they have also claimed that she won't break the bond until we have her POV. Then wouldn't a bonus in Elain's POV before her book be the perfect place for something that's so obvious so that when she starts her own book "with Az", there's nothing standing in their way and the focus can be on their romance and the plot and not the emotional toll that her severing her bond with Lucien would take? If the Elucien bond is as much of a non issue as some claim it be be, then why not deal with it in an Elain Bonus Chapter? When her book starts, Sarah could even recap the events of the bonus for those who had missed it.

Elain thought back to that conversation she and Lucien shared shortly after Solstice. Where after Azriel's rejection, which had cut her deeply, she realized there was no place in her heart for anyone but Az even if she wasn't sure he still wanted her.

That would have actually be a perfect way for SJM to move us past the Elucien bond with very little in the way of feeling devastated on Lucien's behalf, where his heart is not being broken in real time within her romantic arc.

But the author didn't do that. She gave Az and FEYRE a POV. Feyre who already had 3 books and a novella and Elain with a total of 0.

We know Az doesn't think Lucien is good enough for Elain but we don't know if Elain agrees with that.

We know Az questioned the Cauldron because of his brothers and her sisters, that he hadn't thought of being with Elain beyond his sexual fantasies but we don't know where Elain stands on the whole "just wants one taste / why wasn't Az made my mate" debate.

We know Az thought of Elain as too trusting and hopeful but we've no clue whether Elain was really thinking anything of the sort.

We've got Feyre thinking back on how she made sure to keep her mouth shut on Elain not wearing Lucien's gloves, how had she put them on she would have never been pierced in the first place but we still don't know whether Elain's actions with the gloves actually line up with her thoughts.

If Sarah wanted to continue on with what is apparently so evident in the four books of buildup for E/riel there was nothing preventing her from finally giving us Elain's POV in SF and having her tell Lucien that there's no reason for him to hold out hope any longer.

The more likely explanation for why Elain wasn't given a bonus is because everything that E/riels and Az claim that is so very obvious regarding Elain's character might actually not be as obvious as they think.

If she's so happy in the NC, then why hide her thoughts?

If she's so in love with Az, that it's clear as day, then why hide her thoughts?

If she's so disinterested in Lucien, then why hide her thoughts?

If we're supposed to believe that Elain's choice is Az, that there is no competition and that it should not be a mystery to anyone at this point, then why has she been so reticent to put us into Elain's head?

[the-carlos-cow-eyes]

Here's a conversation y'all aren't ready to have:

Two out of the four ass beatings Steve got throughout the show were either deserved or he had It coming

The first one was when Jonathan kicked his ass

Now, I feel like a lot of y'all seem to Ignore the fact that Steve used to be homophobic because bro literally called Jonathan's supposedly dead little brother slurs and was just talking shit and being an ass In general. He kept poking the damn bear by provoking Jonathan, almost as If he thought Jonathan wouldn't fight back and was surprised when he ended up doing so and then he ended up getting his ass beat. This one was DEFINITELY deserved In my eyes

And the second time was when Billy kicked his ass

Now, first and foremost, I love Billy AND Harringrove on this blog, so all of y'all antis can go on and GET. Y'all are gone? Good. Now, I've talked about this a couple of times before already, so I'm definitely gonna repeat myself: Steve had this whole ass beating coming. To start, Billy didn't know shit about the Upside Down or any of the monsters until he got possessed In Season 3. But his little sister basically goes missing all day and If he doesn't bring her back home, he's gonna get the shit kicked out of him. He finds her Inside of a stranger's home with a bunch of other boys her age, one of which he told her to stay away from after he had seen him make her upset TWICE, alongside another boy who's WAY older than her. So, to him, this looks sketchy as fuck and I don't blame him. AND THEN Steve decides to Insult him only AFTER lying to him about Max not being there when Billy could already very clearly see Max poking her head out of the window with those other boys. Granted, should Billy have gone after Lucas like that? No. Could he have reacted better? Yes. But this whole thing wouldn't have happened If Steve hadn't been cocky and lied about Max's whereabouts

But again, y'all aren't ready for that conversation

And as for the Interrogation by the Russians In S3 and the demobat attack In S4? He didn't deserve those, obviously, lol

[rosenfey]

I don't know. I just really like my quiet little corner of the internet that is this blog. and being surrounded by people who are a bit like me. who are not part of a big social circle, who are not social in general. people who don't talk to others much because they are shy or just don't have the energy. I really appreciate mutuals who also feel like they are a little bit out of it because they don't have many friends or are not as talkative. I am really grateful because they make me feel like I am not alone. and as someone who sometimes really struggles with feeling like I don't belong anywhere because I've been raised to believe that being socially anxious and quiet and shy will one day kill me... I just want to say seeing other people on here who also sometimes feel like they don't get much traction, or that they are missing out somehow because they don't have many friends here... I know how it feels sometimes even though I know it's not actually true and I'm incredibly grateful I am surrounded by other people who are so kind and talented on here and whom I love seeing on my dash. we are learning to be comfortable with ourselves the way we are without waiting for others to accommodate us. because I think that's the whole deal. if you can only be comfortable with yourself if others accommodate you, you will never be comfortable with yourself. I don't know, I am just really glad of all the progress I've made on myself and ever since I decided to post freely about what I love and enjoy, my little game screenshots and liveblogs... it has brought me so much joy, and I am so glad I am surrounded by people who do the same. <3

[rivalcobalt]

Woe, MS paint diagram of the retroactive Komaedification of N be upon ye

[hekateinhell]

I just need to get something off my chest real quick, there's really no need to read this unless you want to because you're bored lmao.

So I used to be really good at answering the asks I got. I wouldn't say I answered all of them, but I think overall I had a good ratio for a long time! And I loved it! I think the asks feature is the best thing that tumblr has to offer as a social media platform (god knows just about everything else sucks).

I loved getting asks and answering them and it's a great way to talk to others in our little fandom bubbles and trade thoughts and insights with one another. My mental health did take quite a few hits in the past several months, and part of that was real life (school, sickness, death in the family) and part of that was bullshit fandom drama.

But it just occurred to me yesterday that the reason I'm nowhere near as prolific in answering the asks I get is because I have always put so much effort into putting disclaimers behind all my meta, walking on eggshells so people won't throw tantrums every time I share an opinion they don't like.

And you know what? That just made me an nervous, erratic person afraid of her own tumblr shadow. The thought of having to do all the work to put ten thousand disclaimers behind everything I say so some asshole won't vague me because I accidentally hurt their feelings just made me not want to reply to anything at all. It's fucking exhausting having to think of every scenario in which people might interpret whatever you're saying (about fictional characters may I remind you) in the worst light possible.

In the end all that time and effort I put into censoring myself—because I try to be a nice person, I don't want anyone to feel bad because of me, regardless of the fact that that's been never my intention—in the end none of that mattered! There's people that have been vaguing me for almost two years now and it's not like I go seeking out this information but it's a small fandom and I stumble over it on another blog or some shit every once in a while.

Agonizing over whether or not some random is going to interpret everything I say in the worst possible faith and have a fit on main about my shit takes and make a block list of people who interact with my posts is just so stupid honestly, and trying to censor myself didn't do me a shred of good. People still regularly call me names and insult my intelligence because of the characters I ship, the meta I write, and the kinks I enjoy talking about. It doesn't even matter if I've been active recently or not, they're still mad about stuff I said ages ago! I can't win!

So from now on I'm just to do my best to break this depressing old habit and be online without being apologetic and diminishing my own opinions, answer asks however the hell I want without feeling obligated to coddle a bunch of grown ass adults, and if people want to cry about it, there's a box of tissues in the corner. Go nuts. ♥️

[thetarttfuldickhead]

From the AFC Richmond Twitter account.

[ante--meridiem]

Well. Potentially inadvisable message I sent a few days ago not really expecting a reply to did, in fact, get a reply.

[landwriter]

dear diary,

today I found out neil gaiman liked one of my sandman meta posts but I'm not telling anyone which one because I want people to respect my children equally

also had really good ramen for lunch

[sanchoyo]

I’ve been wanting to reopen commissions soon but I rly need to make new examples, maybe try to figure out what ppl are most interested in (I think my most commissioned items are always icons, so? Those will be included) and what I can do…I also want to refigure my prices. Like I do want them to be affordable, and I do love drawing for ppl, but I also want to make sure I have the bandwidth + time for them and also feel like I’m being compensated properly since I do have a job now so they would be the Side Thing aaa TwT

but I’m finally at a place where I feel like. Not burnt out after every week and I’m in a nice routine now and pretty used to my job, so I feel like I can handle more on the side. Very excited abt that. Not excited abt making new examples or figuring out what I wanna offer etc tho I hate the logistics of commissions. Part of me wants to do a pay what u want thing with a set minimum and maybe start exclusively offering them thru kofi since it’s so easy, but we’ll see!!

I look to maybe open them around June so like. If anyone is interested, I’d love to hear what kind of stuff u guys would want? 🤨

[vaniliens]

The Edens Zero fandom is completely dead here jesus christ

[oscill4te]

being personal on here or any social media starts to feel like truman show when you have more than 20 followers thats like 20 ppl who could potentially see your post. like. even if they dont interact, ppl still see it while passively scrolling through their dash. isnt that crazy? o.O & yet it doesn't stop most of us. I do love that it doesn't stop ppl, ig.

[peapod20001]

I actually do have very complex thoughts about many different things, it’s just a bit challenging to connect the inner voice to the outer voice sometimes </3

[risingsunresistance]

[milkweedman]

Man, my doctor warned me these meds could make me clumsy, and i kind of shrugged it off bc im already walking into doors and walls constantly in my own home, but today after i took my meds (1 hour ago, i delayed bc they make me a very bad driver and i had a lot of driving to do) i have already fallen down 3 times and keep ending up on the floor somehow whenever i try to stand up. Its not great