#i need to work on my self-confidence

[sesshy380]

No wordcount today. No brain energy after doing truck at work.

I don't usually do truck at work, but sometimes you gotta take hours when they become available. Gotta make that money somehow. I'm just super tired because of it.

Very tempted to post this Gemship fic without beta edits. I've gone over it a few dozen times at this point, tweaking here and there. That'll be one less project for the sister to have in the edits queue.

I think my Malik backstory has been self-tweaked enough by now that it too can probably be released into the wilds.

Sister has too many things going on aside from playing editor, and I want to help by removing anything that isn't longfic related, so that she only has the one to focus on. Just very nervous publishing without having the green light. I lack a lot of self-confidence in myself (for far too many reasons), and I fear I may have leaned a bit too much on her for support as a beta editor. Afterall, I did post that Puppy/Violetshipping fic without her looking over it...and it's been a huge success. Maybe I just need to stop relying so much on the little pat-on-the-back of 'Okay, Sister looked at this...and if the Honors Student says it looks good, then it's safe to post'.

[mblue-art]

once again i was fueled with coffee (did not sleep the whole night) but this time i doodled college au to cope bc ofc i did (also did not feel like sleeping wooo)

[oldbutchdaniel]

some of you may be interested in seeing the playlist i made of songs that very specifically spoke to me while i was writing my armandaniel post-turning nyc fic. so here it is:

[kijosakka]

After leaving Bridgette, stuck to a frozen pole... How Alejandro would react to Assistant Noah saying that he knows what Alejandro is doing, but Noah honestly doesn't care?... What if Noah only cares about how Alejandro unfairly treats Owen?

ASSISTANT NOAH: "None of the people on this show are exactly innocent angels either, so if the guys are dumb enough to fall for your charming tricks and the girls let themselves be swooned by you despite having boyfriends, then they deserve to lose." 🙄

i do think this instance would have add some in the way of later plot, what with london and the eel comment -- as established up until around germany, assistant noah has a neutral-positive view of alejandro:

(though ngl just considering his general mannerisms i am leaning more towards neutral -- character arcs and whatnot, neutral > negative > positive, so his ribbing comes off as uninterested as he is, more like general commentary on what's happening)

anyway its post-egypt and not much further and i don't think alejandro would expect, at this point, to react any different -- assuming that he would assume noah was coming up to rib him about the challenge again.

on noahs end, there is no real distaste for alejandro (....yet), emphasized by his seemingly unimpressed that no one catches onto alejandros scheming -- implying that noah sees it as something obvious.

^ tinged by bias by virtue of being on the crew and seeing behind-the-scenes clips and footage or not, to be so blatant about 'if they don't know, they deserve it' does mean that noah believes it to be something people should be catching onto (also worth mentioning that through him specifically telling owen, he offers more leeway for him in the face of this; favoritism.)

anyway, recap (for myself, mostly): alejandro's perception of noah up until this point is basically 'guy on the crew who ribbed me once' and didn't gloat about any of his strategies to avoid having a paper trail of his manipulation.

ergo -- this alters alejandro's pespective of noah drastically. because, again, noah is part of the crew and therefore not a threat to his game (and in fact could only really be an asset through this to alejandro), so for him to also be so outwardly comfortable with alejandro's manipulation signifies him as a kind of confidant role; someone alejandro can gloat to in small moments as long as he's careful about who's listening, because noah doesn't care.

as for how that changes london -- well, previously, noah would only take up that kind of confidant role post-london, once the cards were out on the table and alejandro goes with his flirting deflection thing. now though i do think it adds if he takes up the role earlier:

because, well. conflict. in alejandro's eyes, noah is taking on, again, that confidant role that he himself grows quite comfortable in, seeking reprieves from the competition that don't damage his game like how heather does suddenly insulting him behind his back and becoming very outwardly vitriolic and distasteful.

however in noahs eyes, alejandro is two-timing -- he'd probably assume that alejandro is aware (probably assuming he's watched previous seasons) that him and owen are friends, and thus assume he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, through being friendly with noah but being so vocal about his dislike of owen. they're a Package Deal, doesn't he know that?

anyway my point here is that it opens up a lot of opportunity for alejandro to be hurt/confused and retaliate in whatever ways, and for noah to assume he's just doubling-down and thus have it sour his opinion more. misunderstand is what i'm saying here.

.........or comedy of errors. both. both are good.

[gumm1defloor]

Personally speaking if I had to pick one rairpair out of the entire hellaverse to become canon it would be Velvette x Verosica but man it is going to be the most lavish, fluffy, intensely intimate, passionate, rancid & disastrous 24/7 trending full blown shitstorm hell has ever seen I don't think anyone is going to be ready. Not even these two. Dear god especially not these two.

Man Verosica is just 2 for 1 on short gremlin kings who are also coincidentally emotionally constipated walking talking sacks of untreated mental illnesses wrapped up in 3 layers of intimacy issues isn't she but hey at least this one's pretty much guaranteed never to steal your credit card for horse riding lessons and most definitely won't be caught one ring down in wrath in the middle of fuck knows where with said credit card so.... yay improvement?

[izzyspussy]

deeply unproductive therapy visit today lads

[namig42]

Alright, the past few weeks have taken quite the toll on me and Just One Yesterday already does enough of that even on my best days, so we're gonna take a quick pause from writing drama to write a quick fluffy one-shot to give myself the comfort I need. It'll still be Wyllstarion, though definitely a different au.

[daz4i]

every single tarot (+ other cards i fiddle with online sometimes) reading i do: listen. man. you are literally on the right track. you're doing great and working hard. you're being too hard on yourself and needlessly worry all the time. go easy on yourself, trust yourself, you're gonna be okay

me, every single time: hmm. surely this could mean anything. good thing i'm not spiritual or else this would've given me a needless sense of confidence!

[pathofreason]

All cocaine lovers saying it'll make you skinny... How tho. Doesn't it work like an appetite suppressant of some sort because if that's the case you can literally just not eat and get the same results with actual self discipline lol

[runawaycarouselhorse]

Don't feel too bad for him, it's all consequences of his own actions.

[oneofthosecrazygirls-mp3]

I need to become so insanely confident and dress more alternative. I know it would make me so happy.

[thedevotionaltour]

I SHOULD HAVE GONE INTO RADIOOOOOOOO

[oldyears]

reading through my substack and old nonfic essays from workshop classes in uni and cringing so sooo SOOOOOOOO badly waw..... i need to revamp some things

[noirapocalypto]

explained my gender / sexual identity to my mom today and it was pretty amusing lmao she's learning to be cool with it and while she doesn't understand it, she listened and that was cool of her. props when deserved. we've always had a rocky relationship, so its pretty cool that she's becoming much more open minded about things. slow process.

[imflyingfish]

Aggh feeling super proud of myself like im getting on so well atm im learning to drive and im learching french and my art is going really well and ive been enjoying spending time with myself and ive been organising more things for my future and now it feels possible and i hit that deadline and ive been more equiped to deal with things that definetly would have given me a breakdown in march and like. This year is going to suck and im not getting everything i want done but its not going terribly either

[void-tiger]

…surely I can make it ‘til August.

(she says like a pining liar.)