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more-than-fluff · 2 years

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Comfort Ft Taehyung

FriendTaehyung x Y/N

Summary - You lose your job, drown your sorrows and only one number you call can save you.

"I'm sorry Y/N but there was nothing else I could do."

An envelope hung in your hands containing a paycheck, your last paycheck. You had always been the top seller but one month your numbers slip and they suddenly can't afford to keep you.

"I promise I can get it back, please give me another chance, I love this job so much. Don't take it away from me, please."

You fought back tears. Crying in front of your boss is a big no in your book.

"Again, I'm sorry Y/N we've given you multiple chances, but you just haven't pulled it back like you used to. We can't afford to keep you if you keep losing us money. I'm sorry, but today was your last day."

You looked down in defeat. The one job you enjoyed had just blown up in your face. You exited the building and stood still. What do you do now? Call your mum? No, you can't deal with another dose of overbearing sympathy. She means well but you're not ready for that tonight.

A drink would be nice.

You start walking and think of the strongest drink you could think of. You get to your favourite place to drink, aesthetic and not too expensive. Normally a place for you and all your girlfriends to hang out but tonight you needed to do this by yourself. No one to tell you to stop. Perfect.

You order your first drink and that's when you pull out your phone and see a single message pop up from Tae. Your closest friend, usually the first person you would've told your news to but you couldn't even face him right now. This feels worse than a break up. And the message didn't help.

"How did work go?? Got those sales in?"

You put your phone down and accept the drink placed in front of you. You hold back from downing it, but the taste of alcohol welcomes you like an old friend.

By the time you remember to reply to Tae's message, you may have been a little tipsy. But that's probably for the best. Otherwise, it would just be tears and blubbering from your part.

"Heyyyy so I got fired hehehaha. My gwod isn't god enough apperntky."

You hit send and ordered one more drink but got swiftly interrupted by your phone ringing. Tae's name lit up the screen.

"Heyy best friend." You answered, trying hard not to slur your words.

"Where are you, Y/N? You're drunk and alone. I'm picking you up."

"Alright, mister grumpy. Why can't I be by myself? In fact, I've made good friends with the bartender, and I'm sure he'll keep me company."

You hear a sigh come through the phone.

"Y/N, you know I can't leave you there. You're upset and drunk. Both are not good. Where are you?"

You slump onto the bar before admitting defeat.

"My favourite place, the one we always take photos in. Can I have one more drink before you come? It's happy hour."

Silence for a second.

"Really, Y/N? No, you can't. By the sound of it you won't be able to stand without help. Plus, I'm almost there. You're lucky I'm a fast walker."

"Party pooper."

"That's exactly what I am. Give me five minutes and I'll be there."

You put the phone down as in this moment you prioritised the drink you haven't finished and spent too much money on it to waste. Especially as you are now unemployed.

You felt your eyelids get heavier as you waited. You'll just close them for a second, he won't be long. Some quiet for a second, this is nice.

"Come on Y/N."

You open one eye, that deep voice is instantly recognisable. Turning around you see your bestie.

"Taeee."

You say, really trying to act sober. It's not working. Holding your coat, he helps you up from your chair. Only now you realise how not sober you are, the world spins and the floor is suddenly very wobbly.

"Careful Y/N, I got you."

Tae holds you up, his arms wrapping around d your waist to keep you up.

"Come on, let's go home."

He guides you out the bar, but the wave of cold air hits you like a tonne of bricks, and your balance goes once again. Almost falling over you really try to keep on your feet but they're just not working anymore. Tae kneels down in front of you and pats his shoulder.

"Junp on Y/N, otherwise we're never getting home."

You didn't even bother protesting and climbed into his back. He stood with ease and started walking. But this isn't the direction of your place.

"I live in the other direction." You slur.

Tae chuckles softly.

"Do you really think I'm letting you go home on your own tonight? We're going to mine. I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight."

You rest your head on his shoulder, wrap your arms around him tight.

"What did I do to deserve you Tae?"

You turns his head to look at you.

"Not enough, fortunately you just have the bestest friend in the world who doesn't want to see their girl in this state."

You smile to yourself, but it slowly fades.

"I haven't got a job anymore."

You feel his shoulders drop.

"I know, they don't deserve you Y/N. You don't deserve to be treated like that."

Those tears appear at your eyes again. You Bury your head into his shoulder.

"What am I gonna do? All I did was get drunk. That's not good Tae."

He sighs again.

"Well, we'll just focus on tonight, and tonight we are going home. You are going straight to bed to sleep, and you will wake with a lovely hangover."

You couldn't help but laugh as he finished his sentence. The rest of the walk, you both stayed quiet. It wasn't long before you got to his apartment. He walks you straight through to his bedroom. His scent fills you. The comfort it brings you is intense.

He lays you on his bed. You are really fighting to stay awake at this point, but help as he takes your shoes off and dresses you into something more comfortable. He grabs one of his large shirts, your favourite. Even as best friends, you 'borrow'his clothes.

Laying in bed, he sits beside you with a glass of water in his hand and puts it down on the bedside table along with some painkillers ready for the morning.

Your eyes are closed, and he assumes you're sleeping. You feel the weight shifts as he stands to go, but you grab his wrist.

"Stay, please." You manage to say.

"I'll only be in the room next door." He says quietly, kneeling beside you.

You open your eyes to look at him.

"I don't want to be alone Tae, please. Lay next to me."

He looks right through you, his eyes softening. He stands and walks around the bed. It drops beside you, and you feel his presence grow stronger. He lays on his back, you turn to face him and place your hand on his chest.

"Hold me Tae, please."

You feel him stiffen slightly.

"Y/N, you're drunk. Please sleep."

You look up at him.

"No Tae, I need this. I need you. Hold me."

"Y/N"

"Tae, your comfort is all I need right now. I need your arms around me."

You turn away from him in hopes that he will turn to you. There's a moment of still, but you then feel him move closer to you. An arm moving around your waist, his hand resting in your stomach. You hold him close. This is the best you've felt all day. But too drunk to feel as conflicted as Tae feels in this situation.

"Goodnight Y/N"

You swore you felt a kiss brush your shoulder, but you were dreaming before you could give it a second thought.

God, your head hurts.

This was all you could think of when you woke. Last night was a blur. You lost your job, ouch. You went to the bar and got wasted, and Tae came to get you. Before you could of what happened next you felt a weight around your waist. Taes arm was still around you, he was still asleep. Or at least you thought he was.

"Good morning sleepy head."

You turn instantly to face him.

"Tae I'm so sorry I was so drunk, I can barely remember getting back here."

He smirked and looked you right in the eyes.

"You were hurting Y/N, and to be honest, it hurt me seeing you like that, and feeling you soften in my hold made me feel better."

You felt your cheeks blush. You didn't think you'd feel anything for your lifetime friend, but now you can't help but feel something a bit more.

"Tae I don't know what I'd do without you."

A mischievous look came across his face.

"You'd probably be in a ditch or kidnapped by a random man who saw your beauty through the many drinks you had."

You hit his shoulder before sitting up, his laughter in the background couldn't stop you from smiling and eventually joining in. The pain in your head comes back though.

"Look to your left." You hear Tae stay through a chuckle.

You look and see the water and painkillers he set out last night.

"Tae, I love you." You say as your reach over and take them.

You lay and face him again. He brushes a hair out from your face and tucks it behind your ear.

"If only you actually meant it." He says.

You look at him confused at first, but then your eyes widen.

"Tae wha-"

Before you had a chance to reply, his lips collided with yours. He's kissing you. Your best friend is kissing you. But it feels so right. You kiss back, and you can feel him smile. He holds you close as the kiss gets deeper. You both intertwine with each other. You don't want this moment to end, but he pulls away.

All you can do is look at him, his eyes taking you all in. He looks at your lips and kisses you one more time.

"You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that."

You look at him in awe.

"I had no idea you wanted to do that!"

He chuckles.

"I know, why do you think I haven't done anything. But seeing you last night, hurt and in need of someone. I hated it. And when I held you, it just felt right. I want more Y/N."

He looks at you, lustfully. Your eyes widen as you instantly read his mind. A dirty mind at that. You feel for the pillow beside you and aim it directly at his face. He yelps in surprise.

"Now, now mister, we've got to go through so many things. I think I only had a crush, but you were way deeper."

He puts the pillow down.

"So you were crushing on me."

You climbed out of bed, embarrassment filling you.

"I'm taking a shower, I need a moment to process this whole thing."

He laughs and sits up.

"Go ahead, Princess, you can prepare yourself for a day of job searching. Don't think you got out of that."

You turn and head toward the bathroom, a smile blooming. Something you never thought you could achieve after yesterday. But Tae is the person who could change that for more than one reason.

#kpop scenarios #bts scenarios #kpop #bts smut #bts #taehyung scenarios #bts taehyung #taehyung #bts v scenarios #bts v #v

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tjsplace · 3 months

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jun 23

3 pm

i set the timer to get my shit together in an hour and a half. hopefully i obey this time. drinking a beer, maybe two. smoking cigarettes and getting high. should that be what i need to be writing songs about? my addictions? instead of wow i suffered so much i don't want it anymore songs. been watching daisy jones and the six. i like the show and i like the book. i really wanna keep rereading it, but i can never find a place comfortable enough to read. and i can't smoke while holding the book open. i need to focus on the words but i like scraping the surface of my conscience. that's also a good line. i'm on a roll. then i'll hate everything i write. i need to make my bed, clean my room, clean the bathroom, rehearse and do vocal exercises, and also do the stretches and whole body movements so i can finally record vocals. i wanna record a short video to upload to instagram, just me singing and playing so much for love, or another song? no, so much for love is fine. i need to shower and wait though. because my eyes show how high i am. i think. i just looked at myself in the mirror and maybe i don't look so fucked. maybe i do. god i wanna be fucked. i wanna be fucked every moment of the day and every man i meet is trash. i don't even know how to flirt, so i probably friendzone guys i find attractive without noticing. flirting makes me uncomfortable. the closeness and complicity. intimacy is too scary. i've maybe avoided it all my life to be honest. with luca, with diego, even with pierre.

5.16 pm

i just cleaned my bathroom, half my room and i'm back at my desk with just a bit of coffee. i gotta shower and record the video. i'm not sure if i should do vocal exercises first. i should really take a shower. i'm so tired. but what else could i do? find another show to watch and distract myself from the void in my heart? how can i expect to be a good performer if i don't rehearse? i'm so fuckin' tired. maybe a small break will do. what do people do when they do nothing? sometimes i write, sometimes i get high. most of the time i get high and smoke and drink to be honest. i already drank three large beers today. i want more but i don't got it. maybe i can shower and try on my new dress. maybe it'll look better on me today than yesterday. i was so depressed when i tried it on. it looked horrible. my mom told me to try it on again some other time when i'm not so anxious. tomorrow i have therapy and i hope to not dissociate. it's happened so often these past few weeks i don't even know what i say during the sessions.

11.36 pm

i can't even tell when i'm high anymore. i need a drink to feel something. weed and alcohol. and cigarettes if you count them. perfect combo. champion's breakfast. i'm kidding. but a night in with a beer and a joint and my marlboros, perfect. also nights out partying. mostly in someone else's place. i miss partying. feels like i haven't gone out in months. but last weekend i got drunk at my high school friend's place. everything was spinning and i laid down on the couch next to them. i don't know if i fell asleep.

#tj #jun #2024

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whenthereareclouds · 4 months

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I went to bed early thinking that I would get some good rest before work tomorrow. I woke up three hours ago and am not tired, so it's time for some Night Thoughts tm

I don't know if this is self sabotage or not. I wanted to go to the gym tomorrow but on this amount of sleep? would it even be realistic based on how little I've eaten today? I dropped the frozen dinner that I was planning on having for lunch today, so I had to pivot to the salad that I was planning on having for the dinner later this week. and a protein shake. and a scoop of peanut butter. I had to draw up a budget because me new job deducts more from my pay than I was expecting. and so I was like "oh I will spend less money on restaurant food" but that might just have become "I will spend less money on food" in my head. and like, this is not the normal problem I have with food? my whole life I have always been in the "eating too much" end of the spectrum. never forgot a meal, me. but like am I eating well? beyond making me happy, is it giving me what I need? what is health and how do I get there. what does happiness look like

I'm trying to remember the whole "the more you have the less you are" warning about capital but like. I had been unemployed for so long that putting away money each month feels good. or will when I'm a few paychecks in. it will, right?

I wanted to be on my own again for so long, and I still do. but. it turns out I'm still here. it's still me and all that that entails.

I want to grow as a person. I know the theoretical steps. I also have the time. it's the doing that gets me. haven't tried a new recipe in a while. didn't go to the gym this week. I might be building language momentum, but who's to say. do I spend too much time on fantasy? does it make me happy? I make others laugh with it, that has to be something, right

I don't think I'm a social chameleon or anything like that. if that is even a real thing. but like. I do feel like with all of my best friends who I love, there are things I can't tell them. not for like Secret reasons but more like. oh I talk about this with this person. can't talk about that with that person. I don't think it's weird to have different sides you show different people, but will I ever let some one walk about the whole of me and look at all of them? does such a person exist? am I not giving people enough credit?

I live in my own head and sometimes I worry that that makes me a little unlovable. or like contributes to it. because it makes me a little weird, but not in like a fun or interesting way. fun is part of the problem because I am funny but not fun, I don't think. which is fine probably. but I am so so afraid of being weird. not in the way that tumblr likes to be weird but in the way that I think I can be off-putting. quiet at the wrong times, or for too long because I don't know what to say or how to begin. the kind of weird where being alone for too long becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy

I went on a trip with a friend and I don't know how much I contributed to the experience. like, she invited me because other friends fell through, but I think she would have been more social if I hadn't been there? she didn't mean anything by it and I think she was right probably, but one night we were at a bar and i wasn't drinking but she was. and she was like "you should order a drink because they might think you're trying to get me drunk" and like. I'm aware of the optics. I don't to come across as creepy, even to strangers. the whole trip had this undercurrent of, this constant thought process for me of, "she attractive and sociable and seems so much younger despite being the same age and you are. well." and I that moment sort felt like evidence that it's not just me thinking about that

and like. I am weird about alcohol. and drugs. very sober, don't like to drink at all. don't love interacting with people that are drunk or high. could never be the sort of person who drinks with their parents. my dad called me recently after he smoked, which he hasn't done in quite a while and I just instantly hated it. same with my mom whenever she gets noticeably affected while drinking. I don't know how to not hate it. it just makes people a little different than I'm used to. and obviously that is more acute with my parents but like. maybe I don't like the unpredictability of it?

my dad is planning to visit for father's day and we've been talking about what to do while he's here. maybe dnd. he floated the idea of writing a script. I realized that really, he just wants to tell stories together like we did before bed when I was a kid. it's not even that big an ask. we had already made plans for dnd, so why do I feel resistant to it? it's a small thing that would make him happy. the sort of thing that I will regret not doing later. I think I might be a little too comfortable being selfish. saying no to things that aren't in my plan or that cause me some discomfort.

health insurance will kick in soon and then maybe i can get some therapy rather than posting a wall of text here as an outlet

#personal

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dear3st-dead-diary · 6 months

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Dearest Dead Diary

My dad got in a car accident, he was hit by someone on purpose, he's fine or so he says but he has yet to see a doctor. I hipe ge doesn't have a concussion and... dies.

I'm on day three of Vyvanse And Dolox. It's very effective, in w days I've cleaned my house from top to bottom and built a makeshift desk for my laptop out of left over materials from other shelves I've assembled. I just hope the new setup doesn't kill my creativity.

The first day was fun, I cleaned the bathroom and did the dishes then I went to the mall where my friend with disposable income paid for everything.

Day two was also fun, I did my laundry, cleaned my room and put away all my clothes. My friend came over and and I did her makeup and shapped her eyebrows (she's really pretty) and then we went to a sex shop that was hidden inside of a building through an elaborate set of halls and stairs.

I got some damn good stuff from there for some very good prices I also wore a killer outfit and got many compliments. The guy who runs the place has the sort of beauty to him I can't explain.

He's from a generation of queers I could only imagine the hardships he's faced, but he wears them all with pride and it shows. I hope he gets more business, he's got Hella good stock.

We came back to my place, and I dyed her hair, we cuddled for a few hours before she left around 3 am.

Today, on the third day, I finished the rest of my cleaning, and then got the news about my dad.

Today sucks. Tomorrow I atleast get to go to a house party. I don't think I'll be drinking, I wanna wait more to see how these meds affect me before I try to consume any alcohol. Cannabis om the other hand actually balances out some of the side effects. Weirdly enough, though I haven't smoked alot yet, so I guess tomorrow we'll see how that happens and what happens if I take a dab or something.

Last time I was at this party I had a seizure on the stairs and broke my foot, it's been 3 weeks and it's taking forever to heal.

I was manic but for once, I finally feel like I'm thinking clear, thinking freely, like I can rationalize. That's something I haven't consciously been able to do before. At least not to this extent.

So I'm making the conscious decision to not drink. The last time I drank on antidepressants I got alcohol poisoning, I made the mistake of drinking the amount I normally would have had I not been medicated and.. well that ended horribly.

So it takes me 12 cans to feel drunk, but now that I'm medicated it should only take three, Hopefully. Seriously I'd save so much money if I didn't need so much liquor to feel intoxicated.

But regardless, I'm being responsible. Another side effect is dry mouth and loss of appetite. Which kind of sucks in the sense that I was working uo to building more muscle, but if I end up loosing weight in the process... I don't know how to feel.

I was dangerously skinny due to stress last year and I lost alot of strength, however I looked so good. So obviously I should strive to gain and not lose, but I can't shake the feeling of knowing at that weight no matter the size of clothes I'd always fit.

I purposely gained 20 because I wanted to start building back up a lot of the muscle mass I lost. Maybe there's some way I can find the middle ground of being slim yet lean?

I'm not sure.

I'm going to try and find something healthy to feed myself. Hopefully tomorrow goes great, and if I'm lucky I'll even end up closer to my friends, more romantic or platonic, either of which is fine. I'm the rare type that actually loves people.

My best skill is talking anyone into opening up, I treasure that skill, I've had some of the loveliest conversations with the shyest of people. I've made a lot of friends that way. And oddly enough alotta enemies? But those are people projecting thier own insecurities or past experiences on me.

I've noticed the people who don't like me are the people I've said "NO" to. Frankly that's probably for the best.

I've worked hard on these relationships. I value every one of them, I really put in as much work as I can towards my friends, it's definitely paid off as we've grown closer over the past year. I'm glad, I hope we keep growing and even growing together, making eachothers lives better.

But enough with the sap. I've got productivity on my mind and the motivation so I better put that to yse while it lasts.

With a future and goals.

- A

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hospitalterrorizer · 7 months

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diary161

2/22-23/2024

thursday - friday

day after tomorrow , i workkkkkkkk.

and omg, next week i'm working 3 days, that, like, blows kinda. whatever, not long shifts especially. tomorrow i'm gonna get bank stuff set up i think, too, so i'll finally be able to order my dumb clothes and whatever else i think i need and stuff.

anyway, today, today was busy and weird. i recorded vocals for 2 songs, i haven't listened back i think maybe i should wait a bit. i have to listen to the song i was having an issue w/ last night just to see what i might wanna do about it tomorrow, and if maybe i want to record vocals tomorrow for another song.

the problem song rn just has a weird guitar tone but i like it, maybe i keep the narrow frequencies i'm liking in it, as a bandpass, and have another tone as a layer w/ that? have that one i like that's got this kind of idk, squelchy organic-ish sound to it, as organic as it is synthetic, it's very like, it's got a lot in common with a guitar's strings and that brightness /shimmer on the attacks of notes but it also sounds very uhh, resonant and weird, it's good. i just keep that maybe and have that panned wide and then another thing that's more normal maybe in the middle-ish. that'd mean 2 guitar layers for much of the song and 3 at certain points, which could get to be too much, so i might have to fool around w/ that, but hopefully the bandpass idea would remove a lot of the volume / give more headroom so the other tone could have more presence, and then maybe i have that other tone lacking whatever the freqs i like in this one i have are. the new tone should be something a bit, idk, like this:

youtube

ideally there'd be enough weird no-wavey character coming from the other tone, so it might add a nice squeal beside this more regular sound, but idk, this kinda sound also happens w/ power chords and this song has weird chords making up the main riff, it does have power chord bits though.

i'll just have to figure that out when it comes to doing it i suppose.

seeing my friend was really good, we kind of talked a while, as i played elden ring for him, i beat a boss he was stuck on and went and found stuff for him around places he missed. we showed eachother music, he wanted to show me what's going on w/ his album but we didn't get to. my gf and his gf went out to dinner together and hung out in town square, which is like, a goofy shopping zone in vegas. it's very okay but apparently the ramen place they went to was rlly good, i'd like to try it one day.

when they came back, we went to this rave that was going on, my friend wanted to go and could cuz band practice was cancelled for him, because the other 2 members of his band wanted to go, we got to see another friend and while everyone (but me) got drunk in the parking lot, off mixing soju w/ like, sprite, perrier, and coconut pedialyte (that's at least what my gf did (it smelled like cum (specifically the cum of guys who say they just eat pineapple and drink pineapple juice all the time to 'improve the flavor' and probably tasted like that)). my friend's gf got sugar free soju, and apparently it was awful, i said to her that if you want 'diet alcohol' you're just better off not drinking cuz it seems like all alcohol is just going to blast you w/ unwanted and pointless calories (i'm not above pointless calories (i drank some soda tonight...feels sort of awful tbh i hate soda mostly but it tastes good sometimes and i guess tonight was an indulgence or whatever. i like candy too but little handfuls feel more manageable to me than like soda idk). she was like, yeah, but, you know, basically, and like, obviously yeah. if you wanna get drunk you wanna get drunk. so my advice = worthless, but it was just me being 'catty' for fun, as a bit, i guess. idk why i'm going so into this, it wasn't a bad interaction for either of us, i guess it's just funny to look at it this closely. anyway, they all got drunk and my other friend and i wandered into a smith's grocery store, right before closing, in the middle of construction, very strange. and when we got to the doors of the venue, my gf and the other 2 had already been let in and we weren't gonna be able to get in for free so easily, we walked into a nearby casino, which we'd been kicked out of in the past but nobody cared while we were there this time and we were just kicked out because another rave in another nearby venue was using that place to piss. anyway, we sat in there a bit, my friend gambled 2 dollars away because we knew if we looked like we were doing something we'd not get kicked out, i'd just like, look like some girl(thing(ish(whatever))) with some kind of gambler, like i was a good luck charm.

obv, he won nothing, he was reduced to 12 cents, from 2 dollars. so we just were out of the cold for a bit until my gf got us onto the list, and we waited in the karaoke place/venue (lol), eventually being let in by our friend who was putting on the show, and when we got into the venue the first thing i noticed was how bad the sound was, it was like, blown out, and quiet, too bassy, and too much high end, basically cuz of this really violent limiting on all the speakers which cuts off at the exact same point across all frequency bands, it was an awful sound, you couldn't really make anything out, the kicks were so puffy and weak sounding and the high hats really didn't have the high end to connect but were obviously shrill and peaking around like, 3k, i'd guess. it was insane.

anyways, the party clearly sucked, and there were almost no people even there, it was low turnout, the crowd had no energy, which makes sense when the music 1) sounds the same as always and 2) has the novelty of now sounding horrifically bad. people were kind of dancing and acting like it was awesome, but it was not.

basically we just kind of hung around, kind of just absorbing this awful thing, and then left, but as we were being driven home, my friend realized she left her phone at the place, so we had to go back, she drove a little crazy, but we had people there still who went and got it for us as we returned, when we got back her bf went in to get it for her, and as we waited in the parking lot, this guy who irritated me earlier in the night (by calling me a nickname which i hate/always hated, some people don't offend me when they do it, but i never like it, anyways when he did i just kind of said 'don't call me that' and withdrew my hand from a handshake we were abt to commence, when he asked why i just said i don't like it, and then shook his hand (maybe it was too much but he just irritates me so much honestly)) and he bothered my friend by just like, when my friend ran out to return the phone and then ran back inside, he took the phone and asked my other friend to play rock paper scissors for it back. he is a drunken child.

when my other friend came back from inside/saying all the long goodbyes he was trying to avoid, he was like, mad, because the guy who ran the thing was like 'oh we were gonna ask you to play, and like, you have a right to do it but like, you need to play different stuff, you know, you can't play the same stuff every time,' which came as a shock to my friend who has never heard this before and all these people play music that sounds identical to itself and the sets sound no different from any other, he's the only one who you can really tell has any personality when he performs stuff, and it's because largely he spins his original music, which he keeps in rotation yeah but it's all stuff that works, and he brings new tracks and tests them on crowds to see how they take it/like it, they usually always like them, he has grown fans from just doing things how he does. but idk, this really pissed him off, obviously, it bothers me even, idk why these rave people take this shit seriously to the point of mostly playing the most monotone and boring shit ever, they've really just kind of made all the kind of hardcore dance music less fun, even in home listening, it just reminds me, when it's good, of what i could hear on the dancefloors, but i never do, it's just the same sounds all the time. breaks feel so fucked to me, they just put up some kind of guard in me now whenever i hear them. it's sad but idk, it at least means there's something i can imagine in myself about another way out/around what these people are spinning.

ultimately they just dig thru soundcloud, find identical sounding songs, and play them to keep a vibe up, it's irritating, none of the interest in the dancefloor as transformative, instead it's about making the space something solid, reifying/writing what it is w/ signifiers like 'cold techno' and 'clattering hihats' or even '10 seconds of acid before the song becomes nothing again'. very boring stuff at the end of the day.

anyway, i am tired, i need to sleep now, tomorrow is errands day but since we don't have to do laundry anymore, it won't be bad, it'll be nice even.

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#Youtube

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alcoholismisnotpoggers · 1 year

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19/04/2023

So it's been a while

[12:13 PM]Obviously, Monday night was probably one of the lowest points in my life

[12:14 PM]I got so drunk that I fell asleep while on a call with [Redacted]. I drank 2 bottles of wine and 2 bottles of soju in one night. (edited)

[12:14 PM][Redacted] though I was high on meth

[12:14 PM]and [Redacted] got mad pissed off at me

[12:17 PM][Redacted] wasn't too phased though

[12:17 PM]I decided that if I ever have this experience again, I will kill myself

[12:17 PM]no questions asked

[12:19 PM]So, I decided to try make change at least for a while. The [Redacted] is always ready for consumption.

[12:20 PM]I didn't drink last night so, that means I will reach 48 hours tonight. And 72 hours tomorrow if I don't drink tonight

I also found out I only got 4.44/10 for [Redacted] ass 1. Better than last time but still not good enough.

[12:21 PM]I just need to ensure that I get 15/30 for all assignments in order to pass

[12:21 PM]So, that has taken a toll on my mental health pretty bad

[12:22 PM]Also, haven't been to the gym in a while

[12:22 PM]But enough moping.

[12:22 PM]Today, will be the first time I go to one of my [Redacted] tutorials

[12:22 PM]hopefully the tutor is not too phased by my absence for half the semester

[12:23 PM]So, that's good

[12:26 PM]Let's see what I need to do:

[Redacted]

[Redacted] exam enquiry

Fold clothes

Shave body

Clean room

Contact [Redacted]

Reply to [Redacted] chat

[Redacted] proposal

[Redacted]

To be honest not too bad. Half of this can be done in 3 hours. I reckon that I will be able to get through it today. がんばれ！

Holy shit

[2:32 PM]I can't believe I got through so much in just 2 hours

#addiction #alcohol

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hyunnows · 3 years

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COFFEE | JJK

CONTENT/WARNINGS: fluff, high-school/university!AU, Nerd!Jungkook, loner!Reader

RATING: pg

WORDS: 6.2k+

SUMMARY: “Baby tonight, have a good night. Our first text and phone call. Was filled with awkward moments. Our highly anticipated first date. Why did I bite my nails? Why was I so nervous? As time went by, we naturally developed into lovers.”

A/N: A rewrite of something i made wayyyy back. there's probably a few mistakes and it needs more editing but ;-; i think its alright overall iufshufshuvdh any way i hope you all enjoy and have a great day/night <3

Drooling onto your palm, you continuously fail to stay awake, your morning drowsiness and lack of sleep the night before getting the better of you. Rubbing your lids harshly, you did your best not to succumb to the slumber you so desperately needed, and unfortunately, wanted so badly. It was already a struggle enough not to yawn in this classroom, trying not to pass out from a sheer lack of energy was just too much, and you were beginning to think preventing yourself from getting detention wasn't worth the trouble.

“Hey, uh… D'you want some coffee? I-I haven't drunk any yet,” a boy, one you'd seen many times before as he sat just behind you in class, offered you. You'd been startled at first when you felt a tap and heard the unfamiliar smooth voice, but we're glad you had decided to react.

Knowing you wouldn't get past today without a cup, you hesitantly ask. "What kind?”

“I think it's a—um, a caramel macchiato …”

With a sheepish look, you accept the hot drink, testing it to see if fate has truly brought you your favorite beverage. Then, upon realizing his words, you cock your head to the side. "You think? How could you not know what you got…?”

He chuckles, seeing your confused face. "I-I mean, it is a caramel macchiato, I-I'm just nervous I guess…”

Swallowing a bit of the coffee, you send the doe eyed boy a grateful smile, turning back to the teacher before she had noticed your attention—or rather, lack thereof. Barely making it through the class, you sigh. The coffee was great, but you felt guilty knowing you'd taken someone else's drink.

Searching for the Jeon, you finally find him. "Hey, Jungkook, right? Thanks for the coffee… Just uh—here,” You stammered, pushing four dollars into hands, awkwardly shifting in front of him. "I'm gonna get going—but thank you, again.”

“...N-no problem…” He dragged out. He was already surprised at himself for talking to a girl in class—even more so that he'd managed to speak to a pretty girl, but he was shocked that you'd actually chased him down the hall to repay him. Usually, nobody would pay any mind to his kind actions, and it flabbergasted him that you'd put effort into trying to make it even.

——

It's a breezy morning, and nothing is better on a cold Tuesday morning than hot coffee, right? Handing the cashier ten bucks, he glances around, eyes stopping on your hunched figure that's panting at the entrance, and he swiftly spins back to the barista. "How much coffee is left in the machine?”

“For macchiatos, maybe, I'm not sure… Five?” She calculated lazily, counting the bills he'd given her and splitting it to change. "Here, six dollars and twenty-five cents. Anything else while I grab your drink?”

“Make it two, please,” Jungkook decides, handing the woman four dollars, muttering a low “Keep the change.” Nodding, she gets to work, pulling out two paper cups and cardboard cozies. Thanking the woman—Lia—shyly, he makes his way to class, not wanting to seem suspicious.

Sipping his hot beverage, he watches the door subtly, waiting for you to walk in. There were only a handful of macchiatos left and based on the line behind him, you definitely weren't getting one. Spotting your mess of [H/C] hair, he smiles to himself a bit.

“Gosh darn it [Y/N]! You're going to fall asleep again…” You groan, taking your seat besides Jungkook and aggressively pulling out your supplies. There was no way another kind, selfless and undeniably handsome classmate of yours would offer you their coffee again—much less that it would be your favorite kind. You frowned, accepting that you probably wouldn't make it to the end of this class without earning detention for at least an hour after school.

Slumping, you try and find the best way to seem as though you were studying as you took a nap, pulling out a post-it to jot down possible excuses if you got caught. Murmuring, you failed to notice the nervous Jungkook beside you, contemplating how to offer you the coffee he'd bought for you without coming off as creepy. Finally calming down, he tapped your shoulder. "Hey, I-I’ve got an extra coffee if you want it…”

Lighting up, you quietly thank him, brushing your fingers on his briefly, causing him to blush and smile shyly. Doing your best to stay concentrated, your mind can't help but wander back to him, your eyes straying from the board to look at Jungkook. It was captivating, the way he seemed more reserved, yet still outgoing kind, barely hesitating to help anyone he could. You'd never noticed before, how often he offered people his assistance in class, considering he had one of the highest grades out of all the eleventh-years. Each time, he was struck down, some apologizing politely as they rejected his help, while others blatantly embarrassed him in front of their friends.

The sad thought that maybe he didn't want to be the shy, smart boy at the back of the class but was forced to be instead, plagued your mind. You couldn't understand why everyone in the class seemed to avoid him—he was smart, handsome, charming and thoughtful—certainly at least friend material.

Pushing the thought away, you realize that you'd managed to zone out throughout the entire class. You may not have had Jungkook's grades, but you figured it wouldn't affect them much that you missed one class—the homework Ms Kim assigned was at least enough to have you caught up with the rest of the class.

“Hey, Jungkook…” You tug at his shirt quietly, trying not to draw attention to yourself—you happened to have very judgmental classmates—keeping him behind to speak with him. “Thanks for the coffee… Again. I was wondering if you'd like to hang out sometime."

Frozen, he stares at you blankly, mouth parted slightly in surprise. He hadn't had anyone ask to hang out with him since fourth grade, when he met Taehyung—his best friend. He’s even more shocked that it’s the [Y/N]—his classmate who is, in a way, known for being a loner—is asking him. Snapping out of his shock, he blinks dramatically, holding his eyes closed a second longer than he normally would. "Y-you want to hang out with me…?”

“Yeah, you seem really cool and nice! Unless you don't want to, ‘cus that's fine too!”

“N-no, that's not it—I'm just surprised! Yeah, I'd love to hang out with you! Here, I'll give you my number… It's uh…” He stuttered, frantically patting his pockets for his phone. Curse his memory, not being able to remember ten digits! “Here…”

“Okay! I'll text you in a bit!” You smile, creating a new contact.

Waving as he left, he grinned, his pearly white bunny smile flashing. "See you later [Y/N]! Can't wait!”

——

“-and then Yoongi started cussing out my physics teacher!” Taehyung cackles, barely breathing as he recalls the memory with the rest of the boys. “I still can't believe he did that-”

Turning his attention from his friends, he looked at his vibrating phone, quirking a brow. One new message. From who? He wonders silently for a bit, his face lighting up in excitement as he realized who he'd given his number to. Unlocking his screen, he sees Hi Jungkook, it's [Y/N] from class! Sitting straight, he quickly typed back.

Noticing how the youngest boy had gone quiet, Jin stealthily pads his way behind him, peering over his shoulder to read the messages. So our little Jungkook has a girlfriend? Smirking, he continues reading, watching as Jungkook repeatedly typed something out—only to erase it and rewrite it.

“Who’re you texting, hm?”

Startled, Jungkook dropped his phone, flushing in embarrassment. The other five boys stare at the oldest and youngest two quizzically, only Taehyung reacting. “Hey, why did you drop your phone like that? It's an expensive device!”

Giving Jungkook a mischievous look, Seokjin whips his head back to the five, grinning. "Our little Kookie has a girlfriend~!”

“Yah! A girlfriend?” Hoseok exclaims,his eyes widening at the statement. Jungkook, their shy little Jungkook, a girlfriend? No way, he'd practically never been able to speak to a girl without freezing up—to call it a stretch was an understatement. “And you didn't tell us?”

“Obviously we raised him wrong,” Yoongi jokes, sinking into his jacket. “He's always keeping secrets.”

Giggling softly as his friends continue to joke about his so-called girlfriend and behavior, he typed out another message, So when are you planning to meet up?

I think next Tuesday after school is a good time, Jungkook grins at the thought of making a new friend. It had been so long since the last time someone other than his six friends had offered to hang out with him… And, truth be told, he also might have had a small crush on you.

“Good morning class, please welcome [L/N] [Y/N],” Mr Lee introduced, waving at the door. Slowly, a short girl with [H/C] hair entered, shyly clutching her school bag. Ushering her to the front of the class, he grinned. "Introduce yourself [Y/N].”

“Hi, I'm [L/N] [Y/N], 15 years old and I really like reading, music and I uh… I hope we have a good year.” You stuttered out, glancing from your shoes up to meet the many eyes of your new classmates. It wasn't ever ideal to transfer in the middle of the year, especially in high school, but you didn't have a choice. Your father had been moved here by his job and you couldn't live so far from him that you'd only see each other a couple holidays a year.

Peeking up from his “doodle pad”—as he often called it—Jungkook met your beautiful [E/C] optics. Jungkook was always happy to meet someone new, someone who could become a friend. But, as soon as your eyes met for the first time—even if it was only for a couple of seconds—Jungkook was captivated.

Since freshman year, he'd been in all your classes, and was always keeping an eye on you. He wasn't a stalker—thank goodness—but he'd watch you in class. During those first couple of months, he watched as you tried to make friends, tried to fit in with your new school, and watched you get ignored.

He noticed later that over time you'd gradually given up on making new friends, and decided to just be a loner. You'd of course participate on group projects and do your part, but you didn't make an effort to get to know your teammates; you clearly had no interest in getting to know you. It was painful for that year, watching everyone group together and have fun, but you eventually got over it. School was for education, not friends, thy was how you reasoned it in your mind.

He hadn't been in love with you or even had a crush. He just wondered why you were alone. You had decent grades, a nice figure—a bit on the chubby side but nobody was complaining, especially not the guys—and a laid back, fun personality. Perfect friend, or even girlfriend material at that. It just baffled Jungkook why you were so lonely, such an outcast at his school.

Then, one day, he saw you in the library, head stuffed into a book and face shielded by your hoodie. He hadn't been able to tell at first, but as he searched for a book in the aisles near you, he heard them. Your small, almost inaudible sniffles. And as he stated at your softly shaking figure, he noticed the paper crumbled in your hands.

As you left, you dropped the note in the trash, and Jungkook wasted no time to go read it—despite the odd looks he got. He knew his classmates gave them to him anyway.

To: Jung Wonwoo

From: [L/N] [Y/N]

You probably don't remember me, I'm not even in your class. Since I started attending school here, I always found you fascinating and wanted to know more about you. For a while, you helped me study in the library, and made me feel much less lonely. I grew to like you a lot and I hope you can accept my feelings, even if you don't reciprocate them.

It was crumbled and hard to read due to tear stains and pencil smudges, but Jungkook managed to read most of it. Flipping the small paper around, he quickly began to read the reply.

I'm very sorry [Y/N], I don't like you that way. I do remember you a bit, and you're a very nice girl who's very attractive, but you're not the girl for me. Your confession was flattering and sweet, but I'm going to have to reject you. Please forgive me.

Although the confession was not for him or meant to be read by him at any point, Jungkook found it to be so sincere and heart-wrenching. Most people tried to flood their confessions with details, tried to make themselves seem like the only person who could love the recipient, but you were just honest. He could tell that, although you most definitely liked this boy, and confessed, that you weren't in love with him nor did you expect anything in return.

Honest, genuine and true. Three qualities that went hand in hand, that you managed to have all three of, and Jungkook just adored it. He noticed how you never tried to hide your feelings or mask your personality to make more people like you. You accepted that you weren't everyone's ideal friend, but you stayed true and genuine to yourself and never wavered. Even as a loner, you managed to crack a couple jokes in class, help out a fellow struggling student and do your best to succeed.

It was so admirable, something Jungkook strove to be. All he wanted was for someone to like him, and to accept him, it was all he ever wanted to do. And, although he continued to try and please his peers, he didn't try to change himself to do so anymore, and he was grateful to you for that. Somehow, throughout your years in the same classes, he'd grown to have a certain fondness for you—a crush, and he was so glad that it was you his heart had picked.

“Hey Jungkook, I got you something,” You grinned, watching as he continuously tried to pry his eyes open, only for them to flutter shut once more in sleepiness.

Blinking at you, he mumbled. "Really..? What is it..?”

Pulling out a second coffee from behind your back, you quickly shoved it into his hands. "For the past two times you've saved me from falling asleep during class, I wanted to repay you.”

Taking a sip of the caffeinated drink, he sighed happily, grateful that you'd managed to be early today. Propping himself up on his fist, he took another long sip, before flashing you a grateful—and very tired—smile. “Thank you, you have no idea how much I appreciate this.”

Shrugging, you stirred your own drink, which was half empty by now. "Of course, you've already done the same for me.”

“So, are we going somewhere later or are you planning on hanging out by the library or something?” He questions, curious to what you had planned for today, considering you had a bit more than a week since you'd made plans with him to come up with an activity or destination.

Pulling out your textbook, you think for a second. "I was planning on something like a park or a Plaza but-”

“[Y/N], Jungkook, quiet!” Ms Kim growled, sending the both of you death glares from across the room. “As I was saying, we will be splitting up into groups for this project. You're allowed to pick your partners, as I'm curious to see how well you work with peers of your own choice. The project is about social relationships. I want you to document personal experiences of friendship, crushes or whatever social relationships you want and come to a conclusion of why they are important.”

As the class began pairing up, you and Jungkook remained seated, knowing there wasn't anyone in the class who wanted to pair up with you for a project that you'd be practically no help with. Focusing your attention back to your drink, which you'd beautifully decorated with scribbled swirls and circles—never mind a couple lopsided hearts—you sighed as you realized you'd probably have to ask for extra credit work to fill in for this assignment.

Clearing her throat in front of your desk, Ms Kim easily drew your attention from your creative cup to herself, gesturing to both you and the black haired boy you'd recently started to acquaint yourself with. "[Y/N], Jungkook, you two will be pairing up for this. Instead of documenting pre-existing relationships, I want you two to document your own friendship or possible romance as you two get to know each other. If you manage to pass this assignment, I will exempt you from the next assignment.”

Glancing at Jungkook and vice versa, you both tried to ignore the bright blushes on your cheeks, nodding to your teacher.

Scratching his neck, Jungkook gives you a reserved smile. “So I guess we'll be chillin’ in the library then…”

Chuckling softly at his subtle joke, you nod. “Yeah, I guess so. Can't wait to hit the books with you, Jungkook.”

“So, since neither of us is really… Experienced on the social aspect, how should we do this?”

Thinking for a bit, Jungkook pulls out his phone, quickly typing out something you couldn't see. Biting his lip, he scrolled through the websites, finally settling on one. "200 questions to get to know someone.”

“Alright, shoot.”

“What shows are you into?” He reads aloud, glancing up to look at you after he's finished.

Without the slightest hesitation, you quickly reply. "I'm really into things like THE FLASH and anime, but there are some dramas I'm into too!”

“THE FLASH? Isn't that a western show?” Jungkook inquires, pleased with his own knowledge when you nod. "That's cool. I like dramas, as ridiculous as it it… I also really like anime too, Attack on Titan is one of my favorites.”

“No way! I love AOT! Levi is the best character hands down,” You grin, eyes shining at the shared interest.

Pursing his lips, he shrugs. "Eh, I like Eren better but whatever… anyway, next question,” he smirked, knowing that you wanted to debate about the characters. "W-what would you rate 10/10?”

“Shrek.”

“FRIENDS,” at his answer, you can't help but let your grin falter into a tight-lipped half-hearted smile. But you quickly recollect yourself as he reads the next question. "What kind of art do you enjoy?”

Tapping your chin, you scrunch your face briefly. "Probably books, if you count literature. If not, then probably drawing and painting. You?”

Practically sparkling with happiness, he beams. "Photography! My friend is really good at it and sometimes… He lets me borrow his camera!”

“That's nice of him.”

“Yep!”

“Here, I'll read the next few,” You offer, reaching for his phone, which he gives you without reluctance. “What do you wish you knew more about?”

“You,” he answered sincerely, staring right into your [E/C] eyes with his own brown ones. "I'd like to know more about you.”

“I was going to say crabs but I think it'd be awesome to get to know you too,” You giggle sheepishly, scrolling doesn't to the next question. "What trend do you hope comes back?”

“ASMR,” laughing at himself, he clutches his stomach at your shocked face. "What? I'm serious, ASMR was so helpful and relaxing!”

“Sure… For me, probably something like baseball tees.”

“That wasn't a trend thou-”

“What fictional place would you like to go to? I pick Asgard.”

“Interesting, but I think I'm more suited to… Hogwarts..?”

Nodding approvingly, you imagine Jungkook in a Gryfindor uniform, stifling snickers.

Your game continues for about an hour, both of you staying from the list to ask questions of your own. Stretching your arms, you yawn. "I'm gonna start writing stuff based on your answers, and do some research on compatibility for friends.”

“Sounds good, I'll do the same.”

Sorting your answers between a diagram showing similarities and differences, he fails to notice that you've begun to sway a bit. Reaching for his phone, he freezes as you slump against him, soft snores and breaths flowing from your lips. Slowly turning back to you, he realizes how tired he'd become as well, the coffee from this morning wearing off after a hard day of keeping him awake, and he drifts off to sleep with his head above yours, holding you gently at his side.

“Jungkook, d’you think we should make it a scrapbook? I mean, that still counts as documenting, right?” You wonder aloud, tapping your chin with your pen. "Then we could add pictures for proof, we’d probably have less to write too.”

Nodding, the brunette agrees. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, I’ll ask my friend for his camera,” Jungkook mutters, jotting down some notes about the project. This will be an easy A… He thinks to himself, smiling at you as you search for a scrapbook. “This store is empty, maybe we should try a different one.”

Sighing, you purse your lips. "Yeah, I think you’re right,” taking his wrist and walking out of the store. You’d driven to a small town, one that was often called a tourist attraction due to how little people were there and how old it was—neither of you was looking for much socializing with strangers and you figured that you’d be able to have some fun experiences for your project. And true, there weren’t many people, but there wasn’t much in the stores either.

Standing close to you, Jungkook observes the empty block, realizing the entire area was empty. He'd practically driven you to a ghost town. Feeling anxious for your safety, he quickly took your waist, holding you close to him. "[Y/N], I think you should stick close, this place is empty.”

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing…” You sigh, leaning into Jungkook's protective embrace. By now, you'd been hanging out for almost two months and were considerably close friends—inseparable, as his friends called it.

Hopping into the car—Jungkook running around the side to help you in first—he slams a fist against the dashboard. You jump at the sound, surprised and startled, before realizing why he was upset. “You’re not serious.”

Grunting, he shakes his head. "We’re out of gas,” There it was. You let out a strangled groan, drawing Jungkook’s attention. "I’m going to see if there are any stores around here with some gas, you can stay in here with the door locked.”

“I can go too, so we can cover more ground—” you start.

Interrupting you without hesitance, Jungkook gives you a stern look. "No, we’re practically stranded in a ghost town without anything for a couple of miles—I’m not letting you walk out there without me.”

Scoffing, you mock offense, placing a hand on your chest. "You don’t think I can take care of myself?”

Shaking his head, he exits the car, locking the door immediately. "I-I just—I don’t trust anyone who might be here, especially not with you,” he mutters shyly, shutting the door as he leaves. You hear your phone ding, realizing Jungkook had already begun to check on you.

Coffee Boy: Make sure you don’t unlock the door to anyone. Call your family or someone just in case I can’t find gas.

Dialing up your mother, you listen carefully to the ringing. "Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice-mail messaging system—” you cut the call, dialing your father’s phone. "Sorry for missing your call. Unfortunately, I’m busy right now. Please leave—” Why did they have phones if they weren’t going to answer them? You give up, sending a quick text back.

You: They’re not answering :(.

After about 15 minutes, Jungkook returns, knocking gently on the window. "I couldn’t find any gas, are you sure nobody can pick us up?”

“I kept trying, nobody’s answering. Have you called your friends?” You inquire hopefully, frowning when he replies.

“They didn’t answer…” Pinching his nose bridge, it’s almost as if a light bulb went off in his head, he grins. "I did see a BnB though. We could just use it for the project.”

You snap, pointing at him in astonishment. "Right! This will just make less work! Jeon Jungkook you're a genius!”

“Can you say that to my parents?”

——

“Wow, this place is pretty cozy,” you mumble, petting the latte colored comforter. You drop your bag to the floor, sliding off your shoes as you launch yourself onto the queen-sized bed.

Jungkook slowly enters the room, stealthily dropping his bag next to yours, collapsing on your back, squishing you. "Is it? This bed seems pretty uncomfortable for me,” beaming as you wiggled and gasped under him.

Trying to crawl out from under him, you reach out dramatically. "I can’t breathe—get off me, Jeon!” You wheeze in laughter, inhaling comically when he rolls off you. Sitting up on the bouncy bed, you gaze at him quizzically upon realizing that this was meant to be your room. “Hey, I thought we got separate rooms.”

Scratching his nape sheepishly, his voice rises two an awkward octave. "About that… They didn’t have any rooms left…”

“That’s fine, just stay on your side, okay?”

Smiling, he nods. "Sure thing, let’s get working!”

The two of you are practically dead by the time you’d finished labeling the polaroids you’d taken each time you hung out, and you weren’t sure if you had enough in you to glue them all down. Still, you reached for a glue stick, flushing when you realize you and Jungkook had accidentally grabbed each other’s hands. "Sorry, you take it.”

He shakes his head, cheeks dusted pink as he hands you back the glue. You accept quietly, trying to focus on gluing when you realize your eyes have already drifted back to Jungkook. You figure it wouldn't hurt to check him out…

Oh, how wrong you were.

From his broad shoulders, toned arms, and snatched waist—you were in danger.

You were practically drooling by the time Jungkook decided he was ready to hit the hay, waving a hand in front of your face to catch your attention. You blink quickly to snap out of your trance, ignoring the flushed grin on Jungkook's face when you turn away in embarrassment. He was attractive. “I'm going to change, you should too—in the b-bathroom, of course.”

Still dazed, you nod, stumbling to the drawers filled with cheap sleepwear and into the small restroom. Pulling the pajama pants up your waist, you forget to check if he was done, opening the door before he'd put his shirt on. "I-I… S-sorry!”

“It's fine…” He mumbles, nervous. He may not have been too open about his insecurities or sense of self, but he hoped you'd at least liked what you'd seen—as odd as it had sounded. You were the girl he liked, and he wanted you to find him attractive. “Sh-shall we?”

You nod, sliding under the covers as Jungkook quickly shuts off the light, hopping on top of the sheets next to you, face to the door with your backs facing each other.

Warm arms slide under your back, pulling you into a strong chest. You inhale deeply. Something about the mysterious person's scent is familiar. Turning your head up, you meet the sleeping expression on your partner, the quiet boy who had become your only friend.

Brushing a couple of strands away from his face, you're startled as his eyes snap open, a confused yet fond look in his eyes. “[Y/N]?”

“Yeah?”

“I like you.”

And then you start waking up.

You yawn tired, tiredly when you're awoken by the smell of hot breakfast, your mouth watering before you've even opened your eyes. “Mm, what's that smell...?”

“I got breakfast!” The brunette coos, his teeth peeking through his bunny grin, "and coffee, of course!”

Sitting up, you beam at him. "Thanks Kook, this is probably the best I've ever woken up,” You admit, an appreciative look on your face as you grab the plate he'd been offering. Sipping the coffee, you groan happily. "What is this? It's amazing!”

“They only had a cappuccino machine so…” He smiles, glad you were enjoying the food.

Scrunching your face in delight, you stuff your face with the English muffin in the corner of your plate. "Well, if you ever get me coffee again, I want it to taste like this,” suddenly, you're reminded of your dream. What was that? You wonder, hoping that you hadn't just grown a huge crush on the class nerd. You sigh, thinking of all the details that had engraved themselves into your brain yesterday during your staring session. It wouldn't be bad to like him… “Damn,” I have a crush on Jeon Jungkook.

Dropping his fork, Jungkook stares at you wide-eyed, before returning to his meal. You're confused about the short action, but shake it off, he was an odd one. Jungkook, on the other hand, was ecstatic, evident by the massive grin on his face because you had just confessed to him out loud. He quickly realized you must've thought you said it in your head, but his heart was fluttering nonetheless.

“Hmm, what do you say we hang out later before my friend comes for us?” He inquires, a plan fabricating in his head. You nod, making his grin impossibly wider. "Great, I saw a cute mini-theater, which I'm pretty sure is doing dollar movies.”

“Sounds great, just… Can we go to a store first? I don't want to wear the same outfit two days in a row…”

Nodding, he doesn't hesitate to start writing down his plan.

——

“So, Mr. Jeon, what's this great big plan of yours?” you tease, punching his shoulder gently.

Smiling softly, he drags you behind him, hand in hand, towards the movie theater. “Plan? What plan?”

You scoff. "I saw you writing stuff down! Now tell me about this grand scheme of yours!”

“There’s no scheme, we’re just going to watch a movie [Y/N],” he shrugs, approaching the ticket salesman. "T-two for Time p-please…”

You fawn at his shyness. How adorable! Before collecting the tickets for him—he was too shy to take them from the salesman. You hand the man ten dollars and an extra two as a tip, considering he probably didn't make much in this town and looked like a good person.

The two of you make your way to the snacks. You order a large popcorn with extra butter as Jungkook pays—you were high school students, not billionaires.

The theater was small and empty—much like the town—and you were able to pick any seats due to the lack of an audience, only two other people in the mini-cinema. It was nice spending time with Jungkook. You'd thank your teacher for pairing you up later, but as you watched his eyes brighten at the screen, you wanted something more. You wanted this to be a date, where you could freely hold his perfect hands, tell him how much you liked him, and kiss him as you pleased, but alas, at the moment, you were just friends. You sigh, turning in your seat. "I need to use the restroom, I’ll be back in a bit.” Jungkook nods, and you laugh to yourself at how interested he seems in the previews and ads.

You wash your hands, splashing a bit of water on your face, whilst feeling grateful you hadn’t worn any makeup that could have been ruined by your sweat and nerves. Walking back to your seat, you’re taken aback by the girl who’s made herself quite comfortable in your seat, chatting Jungkook up. Pushing away your thought of how on earth she managed to pull his eyes away from the screen and make your way to the other side of him.

“Who are you?” The girl quirks her eyebrows, and you’re relieved that she at least doesn’t sound like a cliché mean girl, but a sweetheart who probably thought another stranger had just sat beside Jungkook.

Before you could answer, Jungkook quickly puts his hand in yours, leaning towards you. "M-my girl—my g-girlfriend…”

You quickly pick up that he was probably trying to shake her off—you weren’t dense—and play along. “Yep, I’m his girlfriend.”

The girl immediately releases Jungkook’s arm, apologizing profusely. "I-I’m so sorry, I had no idea…” Smiling politely as she gathered her belongings, ready to give you and your boyfriend so space. "I’m so embarrassed, I promise I didn’t know—”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” you assure her, giving a polite wave as she scurried off. Once she was out of ear-shot, you shoot the brunette a quizzical look. "Why did you do that? She seemed so sweet…”

Scratching his neck with his free hand, he chuckles, flustered. "I’ve kinda got my eyes set on someone.”

You deflate a bit, knowing you couldn’t get in the way of whatever he possibly had going for him, but forcing a smile regardless. Nudging him playfully, you poke some fun at him. "So… Who is she?”

“I’ll tell you later,” he whispers, his face flushed as the lights dim. "The movie’s starting!” he slaps your hand excitedly. "Stop talking, we’ll miss the whole thing,” pouting when you continue to mumble aloud, distracting him. You stick your tongue at him, pulling your hand out of his to eat your popcorn.

Focusing on the screen, you’re surprised when you realize he’d taken you to a romance movie. He waves his hand at you, dismissing you when you make a face at his choice. You were always down for a romance flick, but you figured Jungkook would pick something more along the lines of action or horror—most likely the latter if it was completely up to him.

However, the plot had been pretty good, enough to get you emotionally attached and crying when the male lead got rejected by the female and squealing when she later returned his feelings. Then crying again once you realized the story was being told by the lead as an elderly man who’d recently lost his wife, who happened to be the girl you’d wanted to punch for the first half of the screening.

“I’m so emotionally exhausted,” you groan, wiping your eyes with Jungkook’s shirt, earning a slightly disgusted yet mostly amused expression from the tall male. ”Are your bros here yet?”

Sighing, Jungkook pretends to check his phone, knowing full well he arranged for them to be there a bit later than they'd said so he'd have a bit more time alone with you, ”No, they're running late.”

”Let’s head back to the hotel then, I'm so tired…” you whine, dragging your feet in the general direction of the hotel.

Pulling your wrist gently, the doe-eyed boy wiggles his finger at you, ”I think I've got a better idea to pass the time.”

With a doubtful tone, you grimace, ”I doubt there's a better pass time than sleeping in a huge bed… But fine, ” you ultimately agree, allowing him to pull you along with him.

Your face brightens at the sight of the tiny cafe, you pick up your pace a bit, which he notices, a small smile on his lips. Sliding straight for the only booth in the entire installment, you breathe in the delicious aroma of coffee beans, chocolate, and various types of sweets.

Smiling at your reaction, Jungkook decides to make his move. "[Y/N], I-I…” he trails off, a lump forming in his throat, his nerves getting the better of him. Feeling you run your hand over his own, he relaxes a bit, inhaling deeply, ”I really like you… Would you g-go out with me..?”

You're blank, unable to speak even when the barista asks for your order multiple times, leaving poor Jungkook to order himself. It's only when you catch sight of his concerned and distraught expression you realize what impression you must have given.

Shakily, you open your mouth to answer, only to be interrupted by the ringing of Jungkook's phone. ”I-I have to take this… Be back in a sec.”

You nod stiffly, still processing the confession. He was joking, right? You quickly reject the idea, Jungkook wasn't that type of person. You flush when you fully come to terms with his words, creating a resolve that completely disappears once he walks back into the shop, sitting in front of you again, ”I…”

Frowning, he realized that you must have either gotten over your feelings quickly or had consciously said them earlier. ”Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything…” he mutters, heartbroken as he is his coffee, leaving you flabbergasted.

”Actually… I like you too…” you say breathlessly, trying to hide the smile that threatened to appear when you see the look of hope in his eyes. His face screams really!? You blush slightly, avoiding eye contact, ”I-I’d also like to go out with you…”

He grins, pulling out his phone to type something quickly before a lack of six other males come toppling over each other through the doors. They're cheering, slapping Jungkook on the back, and praising him for being so brave. “Our little Kookie has a girlfriend!”

200 notes · View notes

angellesword · 4 years

Text

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (13)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It’s simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if…Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively:

“A future without you is a world without color.”

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, angst, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: discussion of injuries which i know nothing about, effects of drunk driving.

SERIES: CHAPTER 12 | CHAPTER 14

Jeon Jeongguk missed you.

He missed you so much he felt like he was going crazy.

He didn't realize that a big part of you was occupying his whole being to the point that when the two of you separated ways, he felt like everything he had meant nothing if you weren't in his life.

He had been dreaming of buying his own apartment ever since he was young, but now that he finally had a house that he could call his own, Jeongguk came to know that this wasn't what he wanted.

What he desired was not a house—he wanted a home and home was wherever you were.

The walls surrounding him weren't going to protect him. It actually hurt him. The deafening silence kept on bouncing that he felt like he was gonna lose his sense of hearing.

Jeongguk decided he hated silence.

He wanted his house to be filled with your laughter.

"Seriously, Guk. Why am I here?"

Jeongguk couldn't speak as Red continued to glare at him.

Ji-eun and her father couldn't visit today because Namjoon had work to do. This left Jeongguk with no choice but to invite his ex-girlfriend in his abode. He hated being alone since it reminded him of how fucked up he was.

He needed a distraction.

"So now you're giving me the silent treatment?" Red rolled her eyes. This was one of her ex lover's habits that she hated. Jeongguk was so bad when it came to communicating.

"You need to tell me the truth if this is about her." Red sighed and Jeongguk froze. The former hadn't mentioned your name, yet Jeongguk was already affected. He knew Red was referring to you.

"I like her a lot and as much as I enjoy doing you a favor, I can't do this forever."

"Msorry..." Jeongguk avoided Red's eyes as he bit his lower lip. His heart hurt a lot.

"No." She shook her head as if her ex's apology was pure bullshit. This was truly unacceptable. "This isn't just about you, Jeongguk. Did you know that the whole office is either questioning my sexuality or thinking I'm a kiss-ass?"

"What?" The confused boy flicked his gaze at Red.

She snorted and then rolled her eyes once more.

"People think I'm in love with your soulmate because I basically cook her three meals a day. I also remind her to drink water, take her vitamins, leave her sweet notes, and change the flowers in her vase just because you are too much of a pussy to do it on your own!"

Jeongguk averted Red's glare again. She was right. He was a fucking coward—too scared to do all these good things on his own.

He was the one who left you, but he felt like you didn't want to do anything with him anymore. Jeongguk had accepted his sad fate, but it didn't mean he would stop taking care of you.

The truth was he was the one who cooked the food you eat every day. He was the one writing you sweet notes, he was the one bombarding Red text messages to kindly remind you to do the simple things you usually forgot because of your busy schedule.

Jeongguk was doing all of this without your knowledge.

How could he tell you when he knew he was unnecessarily mean to you?

"I mean it's about right. I told you I'm gonna stay here for a few months. It's over now. I don't want to be your tenant anymore."

What he said to you six months ago was deeply engraved in his head. This lie was what kept him awake at night.

Jeongguk was lying. Yes. It was true that he didn't want to be your tenant, but it didn't mean that he didn't want to live with you anymore.

But he was so confused—so fucked up in the head that the only solution was to push you away.

He stood by his belief. You did not understand anything and you did not love him.

But Jeongguk was sure of one thing—or at least he thought so.

"I-I," his adam's apple bobbed up and down. He was nervous. "I think I like her..."

The girl's scoff indicated that she didn't like what he just said.

"You think?" She crossed her arms, making Jeongguk flinch. Her reaction reminded him of the time he met Red at Seokjin's birthday party.

"Why did you follow me, Jeongguk?" Red looked like she had seen a ghost, but she still folded her arms over her chest to intimidate Jeongguk.

It was easy to frighten him. All she had to do was to raise her brow and cross her arms.

"Wow," your soulmate gritted his teeth. "You haven't seen me in so long and this is how you greet me?"

Jeongguk wasn't expecting to see Red at this party. He was here because he wanted to be your date. The thought of you bringing Hoseok to this party made him so angry.

"How do you expect me to react, Guk? I don't want you here!" She was panicking. Jeongguk called her a bitch the last time they had seen each other.

Right now, Red couldn't help but think that Jeongguk would cause ruckus again.

This couldn't happen. Not right now. Not when people were watching Seokjin, and definitely not when you were here.

Red went to the veranda to get some air. She couldn't face you, couldn't face Jeongguk, and couldn’t face Seokjin. The latter had no idea that Jeongguk was the ex she was talking about. They hadn't had the chance to talk about your soulmate because Seokjin was too caught up with the divorce trial.

"So that's it, huh?" Jeongguk clenched his fist. "You'll just decide you don't want me anymore just because you found your soulmate!?"

"Yes!" Red did not even hesitate. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. She was so scared. All she could think about was the fact that Jeongguk could destroy this evening.

"I found my soulmate and I'm okay now. You should be happy too, JK. You have met the person destined for you."

Jeongguk looked away. How could he be happy? He found you, but he liked Red.

Red knew what was running inside his mind, so she shook her head and looked at Jeongguk straight in the eyes.

"Do not hurt her, Jeon. She's a one of a kind girl. You can't find another person as sweet and smart as her."

'But you're sweet and smart too!' Jeongguk wanted to argue.

"She saved my life. I owe her everything I have. I wouldn't even be able to meet my soulmate if it wasn't for her." She sobbed.

"So don't. Please. Don't hurt her."

Jeongguk blinked back to reality upon realizing that he broke Red's request.

He hurt you. Bad.

"You have to be one hundred percent sure about what you feel for her, Jeongguk. She deserves better than this."

He remained quiet, still pondering on what he felt.

Six months passed, but he felt like it wasn't enough to ease his doubts.

"No." He blurted out. "I-I like her,"

Red's expression softened, but she wasn't convinced yet. Jeongguk was stammering as if he wasn't certain.

"Are you really sure? I know I'm always pressuring you, but I want you to be real." She said carefully.

Jeongguk's heart was hammering. It felt like it wanted to be free from the cold cage he built.

"I don't know!" He looked like he was in a lot of pain. Tears were actually threatening to fall down his cheeks.

Jeongguk hated feelings. Why were they so complicated?

"Okay, Gukkie. Calm down."

Gukkie. You called him this. Jeongguk had another realization. That nickname was only cute when it came out of your pretty mouth.

He wanted to kiss you.

"I think you're just guilty and confused right now," Red started.

He could only listen.

"Guilty because you are being held back by the amount of time we spent together. You drilled it in your head that I am the one for you. You ignored the fact that soulmates exist and now that you're experiencing how the soulmate bond works, you became confused."

Red could feel that Jeongguk was skeptical of his own feelings. He was probably thinking that it was impossible for him to fall in love with you with just a few months.

But you see, that was how the soulmate bond worked. It made the impossible possible.

"I know it's hard to suddenly believe into something especially when all your life, you ignored and denied the existence of it."

Jeongguk only pursed his lips into a thin line.

Red continued.

"You feel guilty for trying to unlearn what you believe is a myth, but it's okay, Jeongguk. It's okay to let me go. You aren't cheating. Your feelings simply changed. Don't let our memories together ruin what your heart truly wants."

Confusion was eating him alive again.

"H-How do you know all of this?" He asked softly, making Red chuckle.

"Why do you think it took me so long to tell you that I found my soulmate, huh?"

Jeongguk shook his head. He honestly had no idea.

"It’s because I also went through this, Guk. It took me months to finally admit the truth to you since I was so guilty. We have been together for almost a decade and I feel like it would be such a waste to just let you go, but the heart wants what it wants. It's so much easier to just let things go."

Jeongguk grimaced. He regretted being an ass to Red when they broke up. If he only knew that it was this hard to be in denial...

"But don't get me wrong, okay? Letting go doesn't mean that you have to completely erase your memories with people. I still treasure the moments we spent together and I love you, Jeongguk—not in a romantic way, but I will always love you."

He was his first love, his first friend. Jeongguk had always been there for her. She knew he truly loved her.

As Red talked about their memories together, Jeongguk then started to reminisce the moments he had with you.

It was weird.

Weird that your memories together were not even half as many as the moments he spent with Red, yet all that's on his mind was you.

This was what terrified Jeongguk. You barely spent time together, but what he felt for you was strong—too strong that it defeated his ten years with Red.

"I don't know what to do," Jeongguk choked out a sob. It's annoying because Red was laughing.

"You poor bunny. I wish I could tell you how I did it, but you have to figure this on your own." This was the last thing she said before leaving Jeongguk alone.

Alone with his treacherous thoughts.

He kept playing the conversation he had with Red, making him realize that his own thoughts was the one making this hard for him.

Red was wrong.

Jeongguk wasn't confused.

He knew exactly what he felt for you.

He was just too much of a coward to admit it.

He never learned.

The six months he spent away from you should have served as a lesson by now, but no. Here he was, still ignoring the ache in his chest.

Jeongguk regretted leaving you months ago. He had to admit that it wasn't instant though.

That's the thing about regret. It came into a beautiful form—a disguise telling him that this was what he wanted even though he knew deep down that it was not.

He hated himself because of this. There were many warning signs from other people. He had heard so many times that regret was a two-faced bitch. It felt good at first, making him feel like he was floating because he was finally free.

But then it would come back to haunt him—to drown him with what ifs and I should have—to suffocate him until he couldn't breathe anymore.

Jeongguk hated himself because of this. Why couldn't he be like others? He envied those people who could express their feelings in the right way. Those people who knew how to dodge regret.

He wasn't like them. He got overwhelmed too quickly—causing him to panic and do stupid things.

But really. What was his way of expressing himself? How could he ease the doubts in his head?

What kind of outlet would serve as his way to be able to express the heaviness in his chest?

Jeongguk could only think about one thing.

He went to his art room. There was too much space in this house, but his loneliness still couldn't fit.

Everything in this room was sad. The easel looked sad, the palette looked sad, his blank canvas looked sad.

It was sad that he couldn't find the will to paint anymore.

What was the use of seeing colors when he couldn't do what he loved? What was the used of seeing colors when he couldn't see the color in your eyes?

Jeongguk's lips trembled as he gripped the brush in his hand.

He really couldn't do it.

Maybe he should look at his previous works to get inspiration?

Yeah. That's probably the best thing to do...

Jeongguk brought out the box full of the things you had bought for him.

It had been half a year since he touched these materials. He couldn't bring himself to even look at this before. It reminded him so much of you.

Jeongguk let out a shaky breath.

The box was overloading with art. The months he spent with you caused him to produce these lovely sketches.

He smiled while looking at the pile of sticky notes on the floor. These were the ones he drew when he was overwhelmed with colors.

Sketching was much simpler. It calmed his raging emotions.

Jeongguk started to absentmindedly piece together the pictures in the sticky notes drawn by him.

"Holy shit," his eyes suddenly dilated upon realizing that these tiny sketches made up a larger picture of your eyes when they were put together—similar to a puzzle.

Jeongguk's blood was rushing. It was as if he was slapped by reality.

The larger picture was your eyes, the small ones that were drawn in each sticky notes were every tiny detail about you: your mouth, your neck, your fingers, and everything in between.

This was it.

This was his way of expressing feelings.

His lips lie, but his artworks tell.

Jeongguk understood now what Red was implying. She was right. No one could help him, not even the love you claimed you felt for him.

This was all on Jeongguk. He realized that he had to admit it himself that he loved you, that he wanted to be with you, and that he believed in soulmates because he wanted to and not because other people force him to do so.

Realization was the complete opposite of regret. The latter was slow, the former was instant. It would hit you when you least expected it.

Jeongguk was certain.

His doubts were cleared because he knew you could see colors now.

You should be able to see with flashing colors and light, so why weren't you?

"J-Jimin?" You whispered, uncertain, unstable, and unhappy.

You were surrounded by negative prefix that was making him feel sick.

When Jeongguk found out that he loved you, he imagined begging for forgiveness at your feet— telling you how much of an idiot he was and that he was willing to take whatever you could give—no, scratch that. You didn't have to give anything at all.

It was his time to show you how much you meant to him.

This was why Jeongguk texted you, asking you to meet him. When you didn't answer, he was forced to call you.

Unfamiliar voice welcomed him to bring the terrible news.

The person on the other line told him that you were in a hospital. Your car crashed because you were driving under the influence of alcohol.

Jeongguk didn't know what to do after knowing this information. He was out of his mind. It was a miracle that he was able to reach the hospital in one piece.

He remembered running like crazy, he was crossing the street even though cars were approaching. He ignored the profanities leaving their mouths.

He just didn't care about anything. He just needed to get to you.

He couldn't get to you—at least not now. The doctors were still treating you. Luckily they told Jeongguk everything. He didn't even need to show his I.D to prove that the two of were related. He only needed to tell them that he was your soulmate.

It's funny how he refused to believe in the idea of soulmate before, but right now, he was using it to beg other people to believe that you were destined to be together.

Jeongguk waited in vain, staring into the space and praying to God he didn't believe in.

Desperation always led people into doing things they never thought they'd ever do.

"You're Jimin, right?" You continued to ask, still unsure.

Jeongguk didn't know how to answer. You were acting strange. Couldn't you tell that it was him who was in front of you now? Was this one of effects of the accident?

"I'm sorry I keep asking," you bit the inside of your cheeks as tears filled your eyes.

Jeongguk was quick to wipe your tears away. His touch was gentle, but you still winced.

Everything about you hurt.

"I can't see you. I-I can't see anything. It's all black..."

Jeongguk's heart sank, his blood running cold.

What did you just say?

"I'm so scared, Jimin-ah. This is different from the colorless world." Your tears were flowing non-stop, similar to the painful sound that kept on hammering your soulmate's chest.

"I feel like I'm going crazy. There's nothing here, it's just darkness sucking me in."

You were quivering in agitation. You felt helpless. It was as though everyone was fully geared up and you're here, naked—just waiting to be taken advantage of.

Being blind made you more vulnerable. You just wished this wasn't forever. The doctors said that there were two probable reasons why you couldn't see.

The first one was because of the accident. They already treated your injuries, but they said you still needed an eye surgery. Apparently, you hit your head when your car crashed. They said you didn't need to worry since this was the most common type of treatment for people experiencing temporary blindness.

Temporary.

You hoped this was temporary. Your heart couldn't take it if the reason why you were blind was because of your tragic fate.

The doctors told you that your blindness might be because of the existence of soulmate. It had come to your learning that the medical world was now considering this myth as a reality.

If this was the case, you were really damned.

"I'm sorry..." Jeongguk blurted out. He couldn't stop crying after knowing what happened to you.

This was not how it was supposed to go. Why was the universe being so cruel to him? Was he wrong? Was breaking from the phase of denial not enough? Was he really your soulmate? But why...why did you turn blind after he finally accepted the love he felt for you? Was it not enough?

Was Jeongguk not enough? Did he hurt you to the point that nothing, not even his love, could bring you back to light?

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry!" Jeongguk wailed, he was aching to touch you, but he was scared to cause you pain.

He caused you pain.

He would always cause you pain.

This was evident when you felt a sharp pang in your chest upon recognizing his voice.

He wasn't Jimin.

You did not pour your heart to Park Jimin.

You told everything to the wrong person.

You made yourself vulnerable in front of Jeon Jeongguk. Again.

"J-Jeongguk?" Your voice was loaded with disappointment and sadness.

He sobbed even harder.

"I-It's me," his voice cracked. "I'm here."

It's me. I'm here. If you were the person you were before, you would probably be rejoicing now.

Jeon Jeongguk was here. You didn't know if he was here because of you or not. In the end, it didn't matter since: "I'm glad," you said." I'm glad you're here."

You did not sound like you were glad. Not at all. Jeongguk couldn't be mistaken. Your voice was too monotonous to be considered happy. Your expression was impassive it made you look like you had no life.

But you were glad. You're sure of this because at least you didn't have to beg Jimin or any other people to ask Jeongguk to come see you.

He was here so you could already tell him what you had been meaning to.

"I'm sorry, Jeongguk," this was what you meant.

He did not understand.

Why were you saying sorry when he should be the one begging you to take him back?

"I'm sorry I made you feel uncomfortable so many times. I didn't mean to—"

"Don't say that," he cut you off, but you continued.

This time you were smiling.

"Allow me to," you gulped. "Allow me to so that I could understand why."

What were you saying now?

"I have to apologize and you have to tell me what I did wrong, Jeongguk. You have to tell me what I did to make you hate me this much."

You were crying. The pain was unbearable. It was making you think of the worst case scenario. It was making you imagine things that weren't true. It was making you feel like his hatred towards you was the reason why you couldn't see.

You were blaming him.

You had the right to.

He hurt you so much.

"What did I do to deserve this?" You had been a good person. You weren't hurting anyone consciously. You had been giving everything you had, so why? Why was your soul still bleeding?

"I let you go, Jeongguk. I am letting you go. Can't you do the same? Can't you really let go of the hatred in your heart and just let me live?"

Jeongguk couldn't speak. You were feeding your head with lies.

Jeon Jeongguk did not hate you because Jeon Jeongguk loved you.

He loved you with all of his heart.

"Let me go, Jeongguk."

With his body.

"I don't want to be your soulmate anymore."

And soul.

You did not want to love Jeon Jeongguk.

You loved him. Once. But not this time.

765 notes · View notes

dancingazaleas · 3 years

Text

𖨆. 04 / all for us

summary: a few weeks later, you’re finally allowed to leave your room. however, you notice something that you later wish you hadn’t.

note: i had the worst headache whilst editing, i apologize for mistakes.

taglist: @the-sun-baby @voltairelesecond @baelo80 @uniquepickle

warnings/notes: cursing, last chapter was the calm before the storm, brutal assault, abuse, manipulation, blood, slight mind break, drugging, use of alcohol

YOU were surprised whenever erwin and levi told you that you'd been good enough to venture the house a little more a few weeks later. you had been doing the same thing as before, sitting in your room and crying, hanging with the two men for two hours, and back to being lonely.

right now, you were stuck in your room. staring out of the window into the garden with dull eyes, silent tears running down your face.

you want to go home and sleep in zeke's arms. you want to tell pieck you love her and you didn't mean what you'd said to her. you wanted to play goofy songs on the piano with bertholdt. you wanted to lay in the sun with porco and reiner while they both commit to a workout routine.

you'd do anything to have that again. anything.

you wiped away your tears whenever you heard footsteps. the door opened to reveal levi followed by his bear of a boyfriend. erwin had on a gentle smile while levi looked the same; irritated.

"c'mon, you're playing for me today," levi grunts and your eyes light up at the opportunity.

you haven't played any instrument since you were taken. your hands missed their place on the objects, fingers delicately strumming the strings or pressing on the keys. they missed their home, just like yourself.

you're glad that they hadn't caught any signs of you crying. if they had, you would've had to stay in the room and talk it out with them.

you obediently follow behind them, nightgown swishing as you walk excitedly. you watch them unlock a door that leads to your quarters, and for the first time you're in the living room without crying.

the living room is big and clean, so much to where you wonder if it's even been touched. you turn your gaze to the left, eyes acknowledge the large, black front door. your eyes widened while the voice in your head screams at you.

'RUN!!!' it says, 'THIS IS YOUR ONLY CHANCE!!’

your eyes dart down to look at the doorknobs and it's locks. the door was left unlocked.

you gulp down the ball starting to form in your throat and try to ignore how you've started to sweat. you look back at levi and erwin, who are not paying any mind to what you do. they made the mistake of not holding your chain and not having one of them walk behind you.

before you can even really think, you're gliding across the room to the door. swinging the door open just as levi and erwin turn to scream at you, and you almost feel your stomach drop at the view before you.

it's a long stone walkway with a gate sitting at the end, almost teasingly. you run quickly, ignoring how the rough stone scrapes roughly against the soles of your feet. the window is rushing through your hair and slapping against your face, something you relish in temporarily.

your legs are starting to ache from how fast you're pumping them, trying to get to the gate as quick as you can. the wind has you tearing up once more, but you reach up and wipe away the small tears.

you ignore the sound of levi's footsteps as well as his and erwin's angry screams, you're so close, you're almost there.

your mind flashes to porco and reiner for a brief moment. you thank them in your head, now happy with how the two would make you race with them during their workout routines sometimes.

you're almost there, your fingers even graze against the black metal of the fence. but your breath is being knocked out of your body as you're tugged backwards.

your chain. your chain was the cause of your demise, it had been loosely swinging behind you and over your shoulder as you ran.

your head along with your back slam against the stone, loud screams of pain bursting through your mouth. you're sliding towards the person your chain is being tugged by, nightgown now tearing apart because of the friction.

levi is above you, eyes looking almost animalistic along with an angry face that stares at you as he huffs to get his breath back. you lay in the fetal position, crying out at the tip of levi's shoe kicks into your stomach. it has you barfing, but as soon as you finish levi's hands are grabbing you by the hair and dragging you back to the house.

but halfway down the pathway, he lets go and it makes you nervous. his foot comes into contact with your nose, blooding immediately gushing out of it. you sob out after he kicks you in the same spot once more, you think you hear a crack.

his foot kicks at your ribs now, taking all the breath out of your body while your eyes go blank. you can't think, even as levi's knuckles connect with your jaw. you spit out blood and cry at the scratch you get from levi's wedding band.

his hand is tangled with your hair, and instead of trying to pull away, he uses it as leverage. he squats onto a knee, eyes widened as he slams your face into the stone. you screech, nails clawing at the rough terrain and look to erwin.

"HELP!!! HELP, PLEASE," you gargle out blood mixed with your spit, reaching a shaking hand to him.

"HE'S GONNA KILL ME, PLEASE," you wail just as levi hits you again.

"that's enough levi," erwin says, now standing behind levi and staring over his shoulder.

you look absolutely damaged. blood, spit, and tears smeared across your face and scrapes all over your fragile body. levi slams your head down one last time, detangling his hand from your hair and storming off.

erwin only sighs and takes you in his arms, ignoring how your whole body trembles the moment he touches it.

"you're ignorant," he shakes his head, "i told you that levi would hurt you if you tried to run, and you didn't listen."

he's placing you onto your bed after he's walked back inside, eyebrows furrowed and nostrils flared from irritation. his palm smacks you across your face, and you sob from the pain.

"let me tell you something," he murmurs into your ear, "even if you'd gotten passed the gates, we would've found you."

you're panting and sobbing, wanting erwin to step away from you.

"that little collar of your's has a tracker," he whispers, "you'll never be able to get away."

those are the last words you hear before you black out.

————

you sit in the bathtub a few days later, listening to the gentle singing of erwin as he drenches you in warm water.

it burns against your skin, something you'd pointed out, but they ignore. you supposed it's an extension of your punishment.

when you get out of the bath, erwin tends to your wounds. he puts on a new bandage over the cut on your face from levi's wedding band, and new bandages onto your arms and torso.

later that night, erwin finds you curled in a ball into the corner of your dark closet. hands protectively shielding your head and covering your ears, shoulders quivering as tears run down your face.

"darling," he frowns, "you've got to stop coming in here."

you don't answer, which doesn't surprise him, and only pull your hands closer to yourself. he knows you won't willingly get up, so he brings the tray into the closet.

"i have to feed you, i need you to comply," you relax, hesitantly taking your arms away from your head and lowering your knees onto the floor.

he feeds you in silence, the only noise being the air conditioner coming off and on as he spends his time in there. he notices how you struggle to swallow down your food, probably from how levi's kicks damaged your ribs along with your stomach. before he can leave, he hears your hoarse voice asking for an answer.

"erwin...," you say, "how... how did you guys kidnap me?"

erwin sighs a bit, deciding to get himself comfortable as he begins the story.

————

it was a rainy night, raindrops froze against your skin as they pelted towards the ground. erwin and levi, your newfound friends, had invited you to go drinking with them a couple of weeks prior. you accepted with hesitance, but the hesitance was thrown out of the window whenever you and pieck had gotten in a fight earlier that evening.

you needed to get your mind off of the heated argument, pieck told you that you're a fuck up while you said that you hate her. you knew that you would regret this in the morning, but right now you're way too sad to even give a fuck.

when you enter the club, you find levi and erwin sitting and talking to one another at the bar. they both already have drinks and look as handsome as ever.

you sing out a greeting as you take the stool between them, ordering yourself a fruity drink.

"glad you could make it," erwin smiled to you, bringing his transparent drink to his lips.

"i promised i'd be here! besides, after the night i've had, i deserve to get drunk. what are you two even drinking," you smirked while looking to levi, bumping your shoulder against his.

he rolled his eyes your antics, while erwin spoke, "levi isn't really able to get drunk, but he's drinking whiskey. i'm drinking bourbon. what happened?"

you sighed, but it's cut off whenever the bartender puts your drink onto the counter in front of you.

"my best friend and i got into a fight, something about the house we share and something her cat did. she said i was a fuck up, i said i hated her. we'll be crying and apologizing by tomorrow," you fanned your hand and take a swig of your drink.

erwin opened his mouth to say something, but you interrupt him with a hoot as you slam the glass back to the counter.

"that's strong!" you laughed, barely noticing how quickly you downed it, "can i have another one?!"

"you shouldn't drink too much," erwin said while he pats your back.

you can't yell at him since levi asks a question before you could, "wanna have shots?"

"yes, please! what should be get," you grinned, the both of you ignoring the disapproving look from erwin.

"kamikaze shots," he smirks, "unless you can't handle it."

"are you fuckin' kidding?! let's go, right now," you're overly excited, slightly buzzed as you move around.

said shots were placed before you and levi. you picked it up and clinked glasses with him as you laugh, slamming it back down to the counter and downing it with a grimace. you shouted out in excitement once again, throwing your hands into the air.

"let's fuckin' go!!"

"let's not," erwin pulled your hands back into your lap, which you giggle at.

levi orders you another drink, you don't exactly hear what it is even whenever the bartender puts it down in front of you. your words are slurring as you laugh and chat with the two of them, eyelids heavy as you feel yourself getting more and more tired.

"hey, (name)," levi pushed his knee against your's, spinning the liquid in his cup around.

"wh... what's up," you grinned stupidly whilst laying your head against the counter.

"we like you, romantically," the statement had you sobering up, eyes shooting open and head shooting up.

"huh? what'd you say? i think i'm really drunk now."

"i said what i said," erwin's slightly panicking over your shoulder, "would you want to be with us?"

you squinted your eyes, temples suddenly throbbing with pain. you came out to have fun, not this.

"no," you sighed sadly, "i don't like you guys like that. plus, i'd feel intrusive."

levi gave a drawn out hum as he takes your drink from the bartender and putting it onto the coaster before you.

"it's okay, don't worry," levi shrugged, hand retreating back to his glass of whiskey.

you sighed in relief and break into a smile, once again drowning yourself in the fruity drink levi's given you. when you slam it back down, you cringe and your face is pulled into a grimace once more.

the drink tasted weird, nothing like the name implied. you try to wrack what alcohol exactly tastes the way this one does, salty. it tastes salty. and it's not like it's only alcohol in the drink, at least you think.

your eyes shoot wide as you come to the realization. this is a rape-date drink. and you've just downed the drink within seconds.

your mouth opened, but nothing but gibberish comes out. the last thing you see before your eyes droop is levi's small smirk with arms opened wide.

————

the story has you recoiling into a ball again, tears streaming out of your face while erwin tries to put a hand on your shoulder.

levi inflicted so much pain. physical and mental. he's the one who got you drunk, he's the one who drugged you, he's the one who slapped you day one, and he's the one who beat you. and erwin helped. erwin ordered.

"don't touch me, please," you whisper, backing yourself further and further into the corner of the closet.

"please, i want to comfort you," he frowns, once again reaching his hand out.

"NO!!" you cry and slap his hand, immediately retracting from fear.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to," you fumble with your words and curl inwards more, "please don't hurt me again, please. i don't want to hurt anymore."

erwin's heart aches as you start to tremble, noticing how hard you were digging your nails into your scalp.

"it's okay," he says calmly, "i won't hurt you."

you choke out your words, "but levi will. he'll hurt me again."

erwin stays silent, knowing full well that you were correct. erwin was barely able to smack you without feeling bad, he couldn't imagine kicking you in the ribs. erwin can feel a ball in the back of his throat, picking up the tray in silence and leaving you alone.

you cry as you lay on the floor now, fetal position. you're going to fall asleep soon, and you're okay with you. you feel slightly more protected in the closet on the floor than in your bed.

your eyes are fluttering close.

you hope that you won't get hurt again.

141 notes · View notes

kuronanox · 3 years

Text

Bad Dream - Kira Izuru

Kira looks down at the paperwork in defeat as he groans and tried to reorganize them. The wind from the window was gusting everywhere causing them to fall on the floor.

Shuffling noises were in the background as he cursed under his breath.

A small feminine hand had reached over his as Kira eyes looked up to meet (Your Name).

"Need some help Kira Fukutaicho." She asks him as he looks down at the papers again.

"Did you need something?"

"I came to turn in some papers! I've been feeling under the weather."

He props the papers on the desk to even them out and turns to her. "If you don't feel good, get some more rest (Your Name)."

She shakes her head and hands him her work. "I can't let you run the Squad all alone."

Kira slightly smiles at her as he gave his attention back to his work.

She took in his features and noticed how much he didn't smile anymore, during the academy days he was so innocent and cheerful. Growing up they were close but now it seems as she didn't know him anymore.

"Did you want to come over for dinner tonight?" She asks him as he looked up from the papers.

"Who's going?" He asked with curiosity, Kira didn't wanna intrude on her personal life especially when one of the reasons why he was feeling down was because of her relationship with Hisagi.

"Just me and Shuhei! But don't worry he won't mind! I think he kinda misses you." She winks as he wanted to frown.

"Don't you think it's weird?" He says a bit rudely not noticing his tone of language as her eyes widen from disbelief. Noticing her face sadden a bit he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it in that way. I'm actually behind on the Captains papers so I probably won't have time." He added.

"Well you don't have to do it alone! Shuhei is in the same position so maybe you guys could do it together and we can all drink a bit! I'll even invite Matsumoto Fukutaicho if it lightens the mood!"

Kira didn't want to be in the same room as (Your Name) and Shuhei. He tried to think anyway possible to escape tonight but she seemed on insisting he come out.

"I guess, what time tonight?"

"Around 8! I'll cook dinner!" She says with a smile on her face as she ran out happily.

Knowing it made her happy that he was coming out was okay with Kira even though he wasn't in the mood to socialize.

"Kira?" Shuhei asks with a smile as he got back from work while leaning his zanpakuto on the wall.

"Yes! He's seems down a lot recently so I thought inviting him to dinner would be a good way to have fun, oh Matsumoto is coming too!" (Your Name) said as she pulled out some veggies and protein out from the fridge.

Shuhei wrapped his arms around her body as he kissed her temple as she smiled while cutting the broccoli.

"That was nice of you, I've been worried about him." He tells her letting go and washing his hands to help prep with dinner.

"And I've been worry about you." (Your Name) states to Shuhei as he raises a brow and started to wash the rice.

There was a knock on the door before he could say anything.

"Hey we're here! Open up!" Rangiku cheerful voice rang around from outside as Kira was standing behind her with a tired expression.

"Hey! We just got started on dinner! Come on in!" (Your Name) welcomes them into her and Shuhei shared home.

It was Kira first time here, he took in the view. There was nothing really special that stood out to him except a few decor and a guitar in the living room. There was a few picture frame of the couple as they smiled to each other.

There was jealousy in the blonde lieutenant as he looked away from them and set a bottle of sake down he brought.

"Kira! Finally see you've been out of your own quarantine!" Shuhei greets him and pats him on the back.

"Slightly busy that's all." He tells the older man and smiles.

Rangiku sat down and cracked a sake open while they waited for dinner. She was in a cheerful mood today. "Oi we haven't been able to drink together in a while!" She tells Kira as he chuckles and gets himself a small cup.

"Likewise."

As him and Rangiku took small talk he could see in his peripheral version Shuhei and (Your Name) happily cooking together. There was small kisses stolen from each other as they were in sync.

"Dinner is served!" Shuhei yells placing down the rice, salmon and veggies along with miso soup to wash it down.

"Wow a chef in the house." Rangiku says as they all dug in.

"You guys started without us!" (Your Name) pouts noticing that two bottles of sake were already empty from Kira and the busty women sitting next to him.

"Ooo sorry that means y'all have to catch up!" She says as they poured themselves a cup.

Kira slightly smiles at (Your Name) cuteness as he took a bite of the fresh cooked fish. A part of him was thankful that it wasn't them three alone. He already didn't wanna talk much but the alcohol was kicking in and he was also thankful rangiku was there.

He didn't notice how hungry he was till a pair of chopsticks had put down a new piece of salmon in his bowl nonchalantly. It was (Your Name) as she was conversing with Rangiku about their new beauty routine with Shuhei listening and putting his input.

It felt like he was in the academy again, when he forgot to eat or wasn't eating enough (Your Name) was always feeding him and taking care of his health. The lieutenant knew she brought him out tonight so he could enjoy himself more.

"Thank you." He says as her flushed face smiles at him and went back to her conversation.

He blushed but it wasn't noticeable because of all the alcohol he already consumed.

"Kira you are particularly quiet for being drunk already!" Rangiku chimes in as he was lost for words.

"I- I am not drunk!"

"Sure you are! You finished 3 bottles alone already!" Shuhei laughs as he just groaned.

It was later in the night when it started to get rowdy, they all had a few to many as they were shouting to each other.

They were playing card games and gotten into it. They decided ride the bus because apparently kisuke had showed Rangiku a while back when she was in the human world. He told her it was a drinking game a lot of college students were doing so she wanted to hop on the trend.

"Kira you're on the bus so you have to keep drinking till you get these cards right!" She said as he took sips of the beer they had brought out for back up.

As he was drinking (Your Name) and Shuhei were cleaning a bit since it was getting messy.

Him and Rangiku were having to much fun that Shuhei retired for the because he had an early morning but he insisted on them staying and enjoying themselves.

By the time Kira won the card game he was sauced and couldn't walk in a straight line. He knew drinking with Rangiku was going to be a disaster.

"Did you want me to take him back?" He heard Rangiku ask (Your Name) as he was slumped on the table.

"It's okay, he can stay for the night. We work together anyways so I'll wake him up tomorrow." (Your Name) tells the older lady as she left for the night.

"Okay big boy, help me will ya." She tells Kira as she laid out a futon for him to sleep in comfortably.

He wrapped an arm around her waist as he walked towards the bed made on the floor. Tripping on his foot they fell over as she gasped.

"Kira you are crushing me!" She silently whispers so Shuhei wouldn't wake up from their shenanigans.

"Just let me hug you (Your Name)." He says breathlessly with his eyes closed. Kira wanted to enjoy this moment because he knew she could never be his.

"Kira?"

He looks down to her lips as she looked up to him innocently. A part of him didn't want to be the bad guy but what was so wrong with being bad once in a while.

He knew it was the alcohol bringing out everything he was holding in, he was going to regret his actions the next morning. Cupping her face he kissed her parted lips. It didn't help that she wrapped her legs around his waist as he groaned. Letting his tongue slip into her mouth.

She flipped him over so she sat on top, just when things were beginning to get spicy he opened his eyes and.

"KIRA IZURU! You wake up this instant now!" He heard a voice called out as he jumped out of bed and looked to his side to see a concern (Your Name) next to him. She sighed in relief and pushed his hair out of the way from his face.

"Are you dating Hisagi San?!" He asks quickly out of breath as she tilted her head and slightly smacks his forehead.

"Ow!"

"Hello! What were you dreaming about? I'm dating you stupid." She says as he calmed down a bit and laughs rubbing the back of his neck.

"It was just a dream, thank goodness."

(Your Name) looked confused as she jumped on top of Kira and laid her head on his chest.

"Whatever it was Izuru I'm always going to be yours." She says as he laid back down and rubbed her back. He was cheesing to himself to know (Your Name) wasn't going anywhere.

"I know, it was just a dream." He says as she kissed his lower lip and grinned.

"I love you, you know that."

"Of course, I love you too, always."

(Authors note: just a cute fluff I made! Have y'all seen Kira now! He's making me simp! noooo I already have my bleach bias and he's breaking it!)

#bleach #tite kubo #bleach x reader #bleach imagines #bleach oneshot #bleach oneshots #kira izuru #izuru kira #bleach kira

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pawsitivelymiraculous · 4 years

Text

Le parfum de l'amour

This is the @maribat-secret-santa-2020 piece for @saltandfluff I am so sorry for being late!

Anyway, I will be using the quantic kids, but you don't necessary have to know them to understand this fic.

The only have to know that "Melodie" is Allegra's nickname.

Ao3

It was always a bad idea to try to mess with fate. Everyone knew this. Allegra knew this, but she didn't care. Not when it was taking a toll on her sanity.

There were only so many times a person could see two literal soulmates walk past each other before they decided to take matters into their own hands.

So that's what she did.

Or well, was going to do once she could convince her friends to help her out.

"I don't know, Mel." Allan rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "These things take time you know? You cannot rush it." He glanced at the corkboard that was behind Allegra and winced, it was going to be impossible to talk her out of the crazy plan.

On the corkboard, there were two pictures. One was a selfie of Marinette Dupain-cheng. A twenty-year-old who was a regular at the café where Allegra and Claude worked at. After chatting with her in the mornings, Allegra decided to adopt the girl, and she introduced her to the rest of the group. She quickly became friends with Allan and surprisingly enough, with Felix as well.

The second picture was a rather blurry photo that was clearly taken from afar. You could sort of make out the image of Timothy Drake. The sleep-deprived twenty-one-year-old who had started going to the café for about a month. All the employees loved him because he never failed to amuse everyone with his half-asleep antics.

The one thing that both pictures had in common was a coffee cup.

On Marinette's collarbone, there was a small tattoo-like mark that looked like a coffee cup. The same one that was on Tim's wrist. Soul marks . Granted, they looked a bit plain compared to most people's soul marks, but in Allegra's eyes, they were the excuse she needed to get them together.

Allegra had shipped her two favorite customers long before she noticed their soul marks. But now that she knew they were soulmates . Well, she was not going to rest until they finally met.

"I'm not trying to rush things!" Allegra insisted. "I just want to push them in the right direction."

Allan looked at her, doubtful. "That's basically the same thing. Plus do actually think that," he squinted to read the list of plans that was tacked on the corkboard. "'Locking them inside a room with no escape' is merely pushing them in the right direction? 'Cause I think that sounds more like a hostage situation."

Allegra glared at him. "You know what? I don't need your help. Claude will help me. Right, Claude?"

Claude looked at her with wide eyes. "Oh no no no. Sorry Melodie but I can't."

"Uh, I'm sorry what?" Allegra blinked. It was very out of character for Claude to turn down the opportunity to help her with one of her elaborate plans. Not to mention that in this case, they were doing it to help Marinette.

"Allegra," he said solemnly, "this is a destiny thing. We just can't interfere."

Allegra facepalmed. "You can't be serious."

Claude looked at her dead in the eye. "If we interfere we might end up," he leaned towards her and whispered " cursed"

"Oh give me a break." Allegra pushed Claude away. "Are you guys kidding me? This is Marinette we're talking about. You all can't possibly think that Marinette wouldn't want to meet her soulmate, and as her friends, we have to help her."

"I agree with Allegra."

Everyone spun around in surprise.

Felix rolled his eyes at his friends' incredulous expressions. "What? Marinette is my friend as well. Is it really that shocking that I want to see her happy?" The three of them nodded. He ignored them. "Besides, I've heard Marinette ramble about soulmates nonstop, so it's clear that meeting hers is what she would want."

Allegra was the first to react "See guys? Even Felix agrees with me!"

Felix huffed. "Yes, but I also think that your plans are ridiculous and ineffective."

"Ouch"

"I think the best thing we can do to help is to get them to interact and we-"

"That's literally what my plans are for!" Allegra interrupted.

Claude crossed his arms. "And what do you mean by 'we'? I haven't agreed to do anything."

Shooting both of them a glare, Felix continued. "- can do that without needing to kidnap them. We simply have to make it so that they have no other choice but to sit at the same table at the café. You all know how friendly Marinette is, it will only be a matter of time before they start talking."

There was a beat of silence.

"That… that might actually work," Allan admitted. "Soulmates are naturally drawn to each other so once they actually have a conversation we won't have to do anything else. They can figure out that they're soulmates by themselves." He paused and then chuckled. "We'll just have to push them in the right direction."

"But how are we going to get them in the café at the same time?" Allegra asked. "Tim always comes in right after Mari has left."

"Pft that's easy!" Claude exclaimed. "Just tell her that you need help with something and that you'll need for her to stay a while longer at the café. Since Mari doesn't have early classes on Wednesday she'll agree and- oh!" Claude suddenly slapped his hand over his mouth as his eyes widened with horror. "This does not mean that I'm helping." He mumbled from underneath his hand.

Allan laughed. "I think you just did."

"Looks like someone's going to end up cursed." Allegra singed songed. "Not even ladybug is going to be able to help you with that bad luck that's to come." She teased.

Claude pouted. "Haha, laugh all you want." He then looked up at the corkboard and grimaced. "But you're right, there's no turning back now. What do you need me to do?"

Allegra clapped her hands in glee.

"Okay so here's the plan."

~♡~♡~♡~

Just like Claude had predicted, it was incredibly easy to convince Marinette to stay at the café. All that was left to do was orchestrate everything just so that the two soulmates had to sit at the same table.

It was easier said than done but after enlisting more people to help out, they were able to make sure that the café was full for that morning.

Everything was going according to plan…

Until…

"WHERE. IS. TIM?"

Claude looked around. "He hasn't arrived yet?"

"No!" Allegra cried. She glanced down at her watch and winced. They were running out of time.

Claude frowned. "And you know, it would have been nice if Marinette hadn't chosen today to wear a turtleneck."

Allegra couldn't help but agree. Sure, Marinette looked amazing with the turtleneck and skirt outfit but did she really have to wear it today? When they needed for her to show off her soul mark?

It was like the universe was against them.

But finally, Allegra heard a tinkling sound at the door. She spun around praying that it was Tim.

And it was!

He looked more tired than usual as he stumbled around trying to find a seat.

Allegra watched as Tim danced around the tables that were being occupied just as he was about to take a seat.

One after the other until finally, a good push later, he ended up at Marinette's table.

~♡~♡~♡~

Tim was too tired to deal with this.

All he wanted was to sit down, have a couple of cups of coffee at his favorite coffee shop and finally be awake enough to continue investigating the moth guy.

But apparently, that was too much to ask because almost all the tables were full.

"Sorry man," Claude whispered as he guided a couple and motioned them to sit at the table that Tim had beelined for.

"Oh, actually I'm waiting for Adam." Felix had said when Tim asked if he could sit with him. Which was strange since Adam had said that he was waiting for Felix when he asked him.

But he could barely comprehend what they were saying, so he was not conscious enough to complain.

Tim continued on his journey when he felt someone push him from behind. In his half-asleep haze, Tim lunged at the chair that was in front of him hoping that it would break his fall.

It took him a few seconds to recover. He wanted nothing more than to pass out right then and there, splayed out on a coffee shop chair as everyone stared at him wondering if he was drunk.

He too wondered if he was drunk, but he couldn't remember the last time he'd slept so if he was drunk, he was not going to figure it out on his own.

When he finally looked up, his eyes met with a pair of beautiful bluebell eyes.

~♡~♡~♡~

Marinette watched as a guy stumbled around the café until finally flopping onto the other chair at her table.

It was clear that he was sleep-deprived. She had seen enough videos that her evil friends had taken when she was in a similar state to know the poor guy probably hadn't slept at all for the last week or so.

Marinette wanted nothing more than to drag the guy to the nearest bed or couch and wrap him up in a bunch of blankets. Just because she didn't comprehend the term "self-care" for herself didn't make Marinette any less of a "mom friend"

But she had to remind herself that she didn't know the guy, so it might be considered kidnapping to drag someone somewhere against their will.

Too bad.

The best she could do was offer him her own coffee.

"Hey, I think you need this more than I do at the moment." She said, pushing the drink his way as he stood up.

He mumbled something that could be interpreted as a "thank you" and eagerly took the drink. His eyes lit up when the heavenly liquid touched his tongue.

It was almost miraculous how quickly the caffeine took effect.

Actually, it was Marinette may or may not have mixed a little concoction she made with Tikki that helped her when she stayed up late with her regular coffee.

The guy blinked. "This. Is. Incredible."

Marinette laughed "Yeah, it's what I always get. Though you still look like you need to sleep."

"Yeah, yeah whatever." He waved her off. "But seriously, what is this called? I need a gallon of this."

"Sorry," Marinette said sheepishly "but I'm afraid that's a secret, you know, I'm kind of everyone's favorite, so I get the miracle coffee." Okay so that was a lie but what else could she say?

The guy pouted. Marinette had to admit that he looked adorable.

"Well, then I'm sure you can get me some then... um"

"Marinette."

"Ah, nice to meet you, coffee goddess, I'm Tim."

Marinette's cheeks heated up. "Uh, coffee goddess? Shouldn't they be the coffee gods and goddesses?" She pointed at Allegra, Claude, and the others.

"Nah, you have blessed me with this amazing coffee. Claude didn't even help me in my time of need."

"You know Claude?" Marinette asked, surprised.

"Yep, I've been coming here since I arrived in Paris, so I've gotten to know Allegra and Claude a bit."

"That's funny, I've never seen you. And I come here every day." Marinette said.

"Huh, that's weird. I've never seen you either. "

And from there they kept talking. Like they were old friends and not just acquaintances. Marinette found out that Tim had come from Gotham city. That he was in Paris because of business. Meanwhile, Tim learned that Marinette was an aspiring fashion designer and a college student who was close friends with almost everyone from the café.

Hours passed and the two were still deep in conversation completely oblivious to the crowd that had gathered behind the cafe's counter to watch the soulmates.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me about this before." Adrien, who had arrived after Tim, whispered to his cousin.

"I was under the impression that your father needed your assistance for the upcoming fashion show. I was not about to ask my dear uncle Gabe if I could steal you so that we could set up our friend and his future competitor, Marinette Dupain-cheng, with her soulmate."

Adrien hated to admit that he had a point. "Fine, but can you at least catch me up to date? Who is he?"

"He's a rich guy from Gotham city. He's pretty cool though he's basically Marinette when it comes to coffee which is honestly kinda scary now that I'm seeing them interact." Allegra whispered.

Adrien looked down to look at her. "Alright, I guess I'm going to have to do my own research since you guys are useless. What's his job? Why is he rich? If his from Gotham then who knows, maybe this guy is actually dangerous and wants to take Marinette as ransom for-"

"Oh please Adrien, stop with your theatrics. Do you honestly think that I would allow this if he was dangerous?" Felix interrupted.

"I mean-"

Felix glared at him.

"No?"

Felix sighed. "Timothy Drake is Marinette's soulmate, and I can assure you that he's clean. So don't worry about Marinette."

Allegra shushed the cousins. "Guys, I'm trying to listen here you know?"

"Um, you could probably hear better from up here" Felix nodded in agreement.

"Thanks, Adrien, but I don't want to risk Marinette seeing me and then remembering about time and stuff."

"Ah"

"Speaking of time, it's been years since I last ate, I'm hungry." Claude cut in.

"Claude! You're supposed to be with the customers!" Allegra whisper-shouted.

"Whoops."

~♡~♡~♡~

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end. Marinette eventually remembered the reason she had stayed in the cafe. Not only that but when she looked at her watch she realized that she was running late for class.

After Marinette's rushed exit, Tim went back to investigating Hawkmoth. But while they were trying to concentrate on their own thing. Marinette with her class and Tim with his research they found themselves zoning out and thinking about each other.

It was strange, they had quite literally just met.

Why had they made such an impact on each other?

~♡~♡~♡~

It wasn't until Marinette was getting ready to go to bed that she found the answer.

"Tikki is… is that what I think it is." Marinette's voice trembled as she stared at her reflection on the mirror.

Tikki gasped. "Oh Marinette, I think it is!"

Staring back at her was her soul mark, which no longer was a regular coffee cup but rather a gorgeous cup with beautiful red flowers that surrounded a somewhat familiar symbol.

"But, how? I mean they're not supposed to change… right? And why?" Marinette's eyes widened. "Does this mean that I met my soulmate? Who is it?"

Tikki giggled, "You seriously don't know?"

"Umm no? Should I?" Tikki continued to giggle as her holder looked at her confused. "Who is it Tikki?"

"Oh Marinette, how many new people did you meet today?"

"Uh, I don't know? I mean surely I must've passed by lots of strangers in the street." Marinette panicked. "Oh no Tikki! What if one of them is my soulmate? I'll never find out who they are!"

"So you don't remember meeting anyone else?"

"I don't think so, well other than ohhh- "

"Exactly"

~♡~♡~♡~

Tim could not believe what he was seeing. Gone was the plain coffee cup he was used to seeing, the daily reminder of the fact that he was still painfully single, it now had an intricate flower pattern that surrounded a symbol.

He recognized that symbol.

After weeks of researching and tailing the red Parisian heroine, he knew that it was the Ladybug symbol.

But why was it on his soul mark?

Unless…

No, the heroine couldn't be his soulmate, Tim hasn't even officially met her. Nor had he even seen her today.

The only blue-eyed girl he had met was Marinette.

Marinette

No, it was impossible. Except it wasn't. Tim had only known the girl for a couple of hours, but he knew that Marinette would make a great heroine or vigilante.

But, he… he was probably hallucinating, right? Tim hadn't slept for weeks, so surely he was just seeing things and his soul mark was still a plain coffee cup and the Marinette conclusion was just wishful thinking.

Right?

Because otherwise, his first meeting with his soulmate was him acting like a sleep-deprived zombie and Tim could not allow that.

Well, one thing was for sure, he really needed to get some sleep.

~♡~♡~♡~

Three days.

It took three days for Marinette to find Tim.

She looked everywhere. The coffee shop, Le Grand Paris Hotel, the tourist areas, and when she was ladybug she looked down from all the rooftops trying to find him.

But he had vanished, leaving Marinette worried sick that he had either A. Gone back to Gotham B. Died or C. Been so horrified that she was his soulmate that he decided to move to a remote island and changed his name in hopes of never seeing her again.

Gosh, she was starting to sound like her fourteen-year-old self.

But finally, she saw him, sitting on a bench, not far from her own home, looking down at his wrist.

He looked at his wrist like it was some puzzle he needed to solve. Marinette also noticed that he looked a lot more refreshed, so he must've finally gotten some sleep.

Marinette cleared her throat. "Well, you've been a very hard person to find Mr. Drake."

Tim looked up. "Ma- Marinette!"

"We need to talk."

Tim nodded his mouth hanging wide open as he stared at her soul mark.

"How do you feel about coffee? There's a coffee shop that's not very far from here, I hear their coffee is divine.

~♡~♡~♡~

Bonus:

(this was going to be a scene on the fic but I didn't know how to add it but it has important info sooo)

*They are at the coffee shop*

Marinette: So you're red robin.

Tim: And you're Ladybug

Marinette: Should I be worried? Like doesn't this compromise our secret identities?

*Claude and Allegra appear with some pastries*

Claude: Yooo Marinette! So you found your soulmate! Crazy right? We totally didn't have anything to do with it!

*Allegra elbows him*

Claude: So uh, congratulations! I um feel happy for you.

*looks nervously at Allegra who is glaring at him*

Claude: Bummer about the soul mark though…

*Allegra keeps glaring*

~♡~♡~♡~ Permanent tag list ~♡~♡~♡~

Claude: What? It's just a plain white cup!

Bonus bonus:

(here's a bad doodle and my crappy handwriting)

(If you want to be added or removed please let me know!)

@charme-de-malchan, @theatreandcomicfreak, @m3owww, @elliebelliegirl, @genevieve-the-demonologist, @vixen-uchiha, @t1dwarrior-of-earth, @waffleyunsure, @technicallyburninggarden, @azuremayscarlet, @vroomtaka, @emimar7, @ichigorose, @maskedpainter, @art-is-hard-to-do-sorry

#maribat #timari #tim x marinette #maribat secret santa #ml x dc #mlb x dc #quantic kids #My writing #my trash writing #my art #my trash art

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iwalc · 3 years

Text

Take me home

Hi people! I hope you are all well! Here is a something I've worked on for a while. Uhm, I realise now that I have never posted anything I've written on here before, so I am a little nervouse, ngl. I've been into a horrible writersblock for over a year now and this is the firt piece I've even been able to finish, which also makes me kind of nervouse. Either way, here it is. I hope you'll like it, and if you do, pls let me know.

Wordcount: around 2500.

I haven't really proofread anything, so if there are anything that's a bit off, then I apologise.

Damn it. I lost. Again. Here I am pissed drunk in a bar, far away from home. Or... what's supposed to be my home. Anger, love, confusion, roads that lead nowhere. As to lately, I don't know what has gotten into me. We all know life's a rollercoaster, ups and downs, downs and ups. This time I wasn't prepared. I've hit the ground. Hard. Everything happened so fast.

Almost a year ago I moved from home. It was sudden but necessary. I got into college in London and saw my opportunity to leave my abusive household. For years the mental abuse had just gradually gotten worse. Although I love my parents to bits, it was not a healthy surrounding and I needed a new perspective. I moved into a small apartment a few minutes from my college. The apartment wasn't really luxurious. But what could I expect with rent that cheap. It was alright. For me at least. Soon after the move classes started. The first few days were rough. A lot of new things, new people, new surroundings and I was all alone. You see, I am not a fan of new things. I'd rather be stuck with everything the same than have the winds of change knock everything I know to pieces. That's what I soon noticed. I didn't recognise anything anymore. Everything was to pieces. I've never felt so lost or scared.

After a while, these strange feelings of insecurity and fear decreased a bit. I started seeing people from my classes. We went to lunches, studied, went out on the weekends. For the first time in a long while it felt like my life was starting to get better. I felt alive, not only like I was just existing. I felt normal. I lived in a large city, in a tiny apartment, barely being able to pay rent, eating fish sticks and whatever else cheap food that Tesco happened to sell out, spending all money on weekends clubbing, listening to bands, laughing, getting shitfaced, having the time of my life.

On one of these nights, I met someone. Someone that would change my life drastically, and thank god it was for the better. It was an ordinary weekend. Me and the girls got ready for a night out, as usual. Only this time we were to meet Angela's boyfriend and his friends. Everyone was crazy excited. I tried to be, but as we have stated before, I'm not doing very well with breaking routines or new things, hence my increasing anxiety. To cut the chase, Angela's boyfriend had nice friends. Especially one of them. Brian. I don't really know what drew me to him. He just seemed so calm and safe. Somewhat on my level. The others, Angela, Jessica and Amanda, were all outgoing girls, finding it easy to talk and meet new people, having no trouble being in the centre of attention. I did not enjoy those types of things. I enjoyed letting others being in the centre of attention and them leading the way. I thrive in the shadows of other people and Brian seemed to be the same way. He was the quiet one, the one in the shadows. But he didn't seem shy. He sat comfortably in the booth, a beer in his hand, listening in to the conversations, taking part in them whenever it was needed. He seemed so calm, safe, secure. Something I craved. He was tall, green, welcoming eyes. Angela sat down beside her boyfriend, Roger, a blonde, seemingly handsome guy. Jessica was called over to Freddie, a dark-haired man, seemingly not afraid to stand in the centre of attention, he was very authentic and expressive. At first, I'd say he'd be a bitch, but he was so nice and welcoming. Such a sweetheart. Amanda sat down between Jessica and John and they got carried away with their conversation pretty quickly.

Me being me, trying to read the room, the new people, anxiously stood there, at the end of the table. My anxiety started to peak at this uncomfortable social situation. I had no idea what to do. I froze. The others seemed engulfed in their conversations and bonding and hadn't noticed my uncomfortable state. But Brian did. He seemed to understand and saw my anxiety. It was amazing how he just knew how to deal with it without scaring me off more. He redirected his attention towards where I stood. He calmly called my name. His voice. I've never ever felt more secure. After a few calls, and his hand gracing mine, I zoned in again and once again became aware of my surroundings. His touch. Warm. Soft. Peaceful. "Hey" he said softly, "would you like to sit down?" he asked as he carefully for a second took a hold of my hand, with me not showing any sign of uncomfort, he carefully guided me to sit down beside him, a soft smile gracing his lips. "I'm so sorry for zoning out like that, thank you" I quietly whispered. He once again took a soft hold of my hand, smiling, "Don't apologise, I understand". Something told me he did understand.

And ever since we met that night, at a pub in Kensington, he has made me feel at home. Safe. Comfortable. My pieces were glued together again. Brian was my everything. He still is. The last few months with him has been filled with such happiness and security I never ever thought I'd experience. I love him to bits. He understands me and my needs like no other. He knows how to take care of my anxiety attacks. He knows how to help me relax. He is my rock in a stormy ocean.

Until today. Earlier today, the pieces he glued together, fell apart, again. Today we moved in together. We figured it would help with our economic situation since we were both students. I mean, we love each other so why not. Well. This is why. I am once again falling apart. My pieces are flying away. I couldn't handle one more change. I've broken up with my family, moved away from home, started college, all in the period of 6 months. It was too much. And now this. I love him. But my world has been picked apart once more.

The whole day I've been feeling my anxiety increasing. Usually, Brian notices or I feel comfortable telling him, but this time I noticed how excited he was, I didn't want to hurt him with my bullshit. It's horrible feeling yourself falling apart but not be able to do anything about it. It was 7 pm and Brian was unpacking things in the living room while I sat on the sofa trying not to lose it. He kept talking about how happy he was and how this was a dream of his. How excited he was to share his life with me, to love me. All the while he was so happy babbling away, I was freaking out. To say the least.

My anxiety kept increasing and now I couldn't handle it anymore. I felt my breathing quickening, my hands and legs started to shake and tears started to stream down my eyes. I couldn't do this. What have I done? "Love? What do you think hanging this here?" Brian asked excitedly holding up a poster on the wall. I couldn't breathe. "Love?" Brian asked before he turned around. My knees were up to my chin, hands holding them in place, rocking back and forth, tears streaming down my eyes. Brian was shocked to see me in this state of mind but wasted no time. He hurried up to me on the sofa. He sat down on his knees in front of me, his hands on my cheeks. "Love, look at me" he pleaded with a calm voice. "Love" he said, more firmly this time. "Shh you're okay, love, I got you" he said as I lifted my head to look at him. I was frightened. His beautiful, angelic face that earlier always brought me peace and comfort were now triggering my anxiety. I ran. I ran out of the apartment, down the staircase and out of the building. Before leaving the building I heard Brian calling my name, running after me.

That's where I am right now. I ran to a pub, the pub we met at. I'm drunk. Anger, love, confusion, roads that lead nowhere. As to lately, I don't know what has gotten into me. We all know life's a rollercoaster, ups and downs, downs and ups. This time I wasn't prepared. I've hit the ground. Hard. Everything happened so fast. Wrapped up so consumed by all this confusion. With every thought I down a beer. "Could I get another one pls?" I slurred to the bartender. But no. No way I was going to drink more tonight. I don't know if it was intentional or not to go to the only pub in London where I'm recognisable since we go there all the time. Maybe I wanted to be found. The bartender declined and then went through a doorway to the kitchen. I heard him talking on the phone. He was talking about me. More than that I couldn't recognise and soon after my head hit the table and I was out.

I woke up in a bed. It took some time to locate where I was, but soon I noticed I was in our apartment. My head was killing me along with the anxiety and guilt. What the hell happened. I had no idea.

Soon enough Brian entered the room. I couldn't do anything. I barely dared to look at him. He looked exhausted. And there was something else, it shocked me that I couldn't decipher what it was.

"Hi" he calmly said as he strode to my side of the bed and set down a glass of water and aspirin.

"Hi" I vaguely answered.

The silence took over the room. I barely dared to move but did to take my aspirin and drink some well-needed water. Not letting my eyes of Brian, I watched as his tall body sat down on the side of the bed.

"How are you feeling?" he calmly asked as his hand strode closer to me but he didn't dare to touch me, probably confused by my signals yesterday.

I met him halfway and took a hold of his large and warm hand. As soon as he felt my hand on his he held mine tighter and let out a breath I didn't know he was holding.

"I don't know how to answer that" you answered honestly.

Brian hummed and stroked my hand with his thumb, looking at our locked hands.

"You scared me" he whispered. Tears threatening to leave his eyes.

That hurt.

"I'm so sorry" I panicked and sat up, only to regret it as my head almost pounded you dead. "Ow," I winced as my free hand went to hold my forehead.

"Careful" Brian voiced as calmly as ever. His eyes scanned around the room, trying to muster the courage for what he was to say next. He cleared his throat. "Can we talk about what happened?" he almost whispered, taking my hand in both of his, stroking it with his thumbs.

Of course, he wants to talk about it. There is nothing strange about that. However, I rather not. What am I supposed to say? That I panicked, that his face suddenly made me uneasy? That... I don't know. Suddenly I felt his hand upon my cheek. I must've zoned out.

"hey, it's alright"

I let out a loud sigh, catching Brians attention. "Brian, it is not alright. I'm a mess. What I did wasn't alright." Tears were now streaming down my cheeks. Burning like fire. Brians weight shifted as he crawled onto the bed, laying down behind me, embracing me like never before. His arms around my aching stomach and my arms. His leg over mine. His chin in the crook of my neck, whispering calming sentences while my tears shook my body. His body warming mine. It's always so calming.

How can I be so damn lucky? I ran away from home, from my love, I got piss drunk at a pub, and still, he took me home, taking care of me, holding me, loving me like no other. It's suffocating in the best way.

The tears calmed down. "Brian, I want to come home", I sniffed, crampingly grabbing onto his large, warm hand. "I'm hurting. I'm so lost. Confused. Angry." the tears were now rapidly streaming down my face again as I poured my aching heart out. "I really had to get away from home to live my life, to get better. When I first got here I felt cheated. It was so hard and I've never been worse my whole life. I've never felt more alone, left out, beaten up." I kept rambling on. "I know, love, I know." Brian cooed into my neck, stroking my arm. "But you don't Brian. I can't seem to find my way home. I'm so lost." I said as tears wrecked my body. Brian, holding me, securing me, hushing me, whispering sweet things. "I don't even know how you put up with me. I'm so broken. I came to you with a broken faith, and you gave me more than a hand to hold." The first time I voiced my fear and insecurity about how Brian feel about me. I'm so scared he'll leave me. He's all I've got. "Love, shh, It's ok. Hey, listen to me." he started as he turned me so I could look at him. "I understand that you feel like you're lost, I really do. Everything you've ever known has changed in less than a year. Space will eventually make it better, time will make it heal, and soon enough you won't feel like you're haunted. You won't be lost forever!" He praised as his hand stroked my cheek. Emphasizing the last sentence. I won't be lost forever.

"I'm so scared Brian"

"I know baby" he embraced me, "I know."

"I need you, Brian, don't leave me please, you're all I've got." I cried into his chest.

"Baby I won't. I never could. I love you! I will hold you. I will take you home. I'll be here every step of the way. I'll be your home." He said as my body once more broke down in tears.

I know there must be somewhere better because he always takes me there. Maybe I've found my home. I think he's my home.

#brian may #brian may angst #brian may x reader #brian may imagine #brian may x reader fluff #brian may fluff #take me home

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