#i really am sad ahah :(

[iamhereinthebg]

This may be a strange question but have you ever been bullied in the tbhk fandom? I am having a hard time here

Heya no worries at all for the question! This is an important thing and if you needed to have a place to say it I am happy you did!

I really hope people will be nicer to you :// There is never a good reason for bullying unfortunately it happens a lot on internet QvQ my only advice would be to block those people and/or delete anonymous asks for a while if people are just putting stuff as anonymous :///

To answer your questions, idk if it counts as bullying but I was the target of some stuff like that yep, and tbh I don't really know why. People can have the opinions they want but I will be honest in the tbhk fandom you like a character or a ship that is not 'what everyone in the fandom should like' and people start menacing you for no reason.

A lot of people in this fandom are kids who sometimes don't get what insulting people do. (and not only kids but it is one of the reason, I feel like a lot don't have 'internet basis' like not saying everything about yourself on twitter help.)

Which is also one of the reason I am taking my distances with anyone in this fandom because I had too many unwanted stuff like when I was just trying to be nice and answer messages. It's not because we are in the same fandom that we are bffs.

This is sad to say but yes I don't think you can just have fun 'fun' in this fandom anymore, people will make sure you have a hard time for no reason and honestly I am tired of people who are unable to understand that we aren't just bots on the internet and that Surprise! people have feelings wow

I hope you will be better but don't hesitate to take some time off the fandom a bit ^^ I am being overly dramatic here because I had some bad experiences (I've been in the fandom since the start of 2020 so welp) but a lot of people are really nice and I am sure you can make some friends too ^^ (I did too! even if a lot aren't in the fandom anymore, it's nice seeing mutuals from far away doing their lives)

[sunnykeysmash]

this is a silly little thing I made quickly while inspired by @vancityreynolds 's gif, because even if I may not show it, deadpool and sunny are actually genuinely two of the most important media for me, they have touched my heart and changed my life, and it means the world to me that they have crossed over in such a way.

[whalesforhands]

kaizen daycare! 2

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“(name)-sensei! Why’d you look so n-nerv—“ His little eyebrows furrow, tiny hand coming up to scratch his head in focused thought. “Nerv-y?”

(He promised Nanamin he would use a new word today.)

You giggle as you ruffle his hair. “That was a wonderful try, Yuuji-kun.” Two of your hands settle on his squishy cheeks as he stares up at you. “But I suppose I am a little nervous.”

Hmm… So that’s how it was pronounced! He’s gonna tell Nanamin he tried anyway. But… What’s causing you to be this way, though? That faraway look in your eyes is troubling him too… Oh!

“Didya forget to eat today, (name)-sensei?!” A pat to your knee as he stares up at you, all sparkly gaze and blushy cheeks with a smile that was overflowing with glowing excitement.

So cute. He reminds you of a blooming flower.

“Ahah, Yuuji-kun that’s not—“

Blonde, brunettes and raven-haired heads perk up at the little boy’s voice, their attention lost on the toys as they quickly start to trickle out of your sight and making a run for their cubbies. Are they-

“I got riceballs today!”

“Nanamin said he made me karaage!”

“Papa said our chara-bens are cute today too!”

“Daddy bought us kikufuku mochi for dessert!”

“Ahh, wait— Children-!” You realized a little too late.

It isn’t long before a clatter of bento boxes and a small assortment of various treats settle themselves in front of you, scattered into a small pile as the twins start pushing their treats forward a little more to make you notice it first.

“Mmm! (nwame)-swensei mwakes goodsh food!” Kugisaki Nobara finds herself being fed an adult’s lunch as she chews, her eyes closed in satisfaction and her feet kicking about as she continues to savour the taste of the food you were sharing with her.

(Sharing is an understatement. You’re surprised by how much she could eat, and how she was vacuuming up almost the entirety of your own packed lunch.)

“I’ll mwake sure to-“ She stops when she sees your stern gaze, not minding at all but taking the moment to swallow. “Forget my bento more off-then!” You only giggle as you shake your head in response, wiping off the grain of rice at the corner of her lips.

“Your grandma will be sad if you don’t eat her food often, Nobara-chan. You have to remember to bring it all the time, okay?”

“Mmm…” She’s still thinking as she watches your amused face, a hand on her cheek. “If (name)-sensei thinks so…” Her face breaks into a grin as she shows you a thumbs-up. “Okay!”

You hear several growls next to you. A turn of your head reveals the wanting gaze of the rest of your kids, all hungry ministrations of eating their own packed lunches stopped.

“Eh…?” The chopsticks in your hand have paused midair in bewilderment, wrist just in distance of Megumi as he makes a small grab for it, leading your utensil into his mouth as he noms down on the tamagoyaki you held.

“…it’s good…!” His eyes sparkle as he turns his head to face the growing pouts of his classmates, the rising jealousy not at all apparent to him as he feels you gently pry the chopsticks out of his mouth, a small tap to his nose in slight scolding that makes him nearly want to sneeze.

“Nanako wants some too!”

“M-mimiko as well!”

“I’m still hungry, (name)-sensei!”

“E-eh???? (name)-sensei was feeding me first!”

In the end, you had an empty lunch box and a very, very satisfied class of kids who had very full bellies that day.

(Are they trying to pay you back for that day? You’re really starting to think you have the sweetest kids to ever exist.)

“You all…” Megumi shifts closer to you, nestling himself on your lap as your hand goes up to support him, beginning to peek up at your face. You had started to tremble from where you sat on the floor of the foam-tiled play area, growing silent as the rest of the kids slowly crowded around you.

(Were they in trouble? Are you upset with them…? Please, please don’t be! They’re good kids!)

Megumi catches a glimmer forming at the corner of your eye, his small hands starting to grip onto your shirt and his green eyes starting to widen as he realizes that you’re cryi—

“Are so cute!” You’re already scooping them all into your arms, your face hot with gratuitous joy as you embrace the squealing kids close to you, enjoying their cuddly warmth and pats of your face.

(“Oh, but-” You begin to tut, staring down at the five kids squished together on your lap. “I have my own lunch today, kids.”

There’s a glower on their faces, disappointment and disheartened expressions clear and evident. It squeezes at your heart in guilt as the colorful plastic wrapping of one of the sweets is captured from the corner of your eye.

“B-but! It seems that I would need help clearing all these treats up!”)

——

You tiptoe out the room, gently shutting the door of the nap room behind you.

“Good work today.” Ieiri Shoko is sipping her second cup of coffee of the day as she appears behind you, clearly amused at your frazzled form after putting the children to sleep.

“There’s nothing good about today…” You’re sulking as you slump against the door, your knees bent as you let out a loud sigh.

A smirk appears on her face. “Why? Scared of being alone with a couple guys and their kids?” She heard the whole conversation. Perks of being one of the first few to arrive just to get some time to be alone with you.

Your feet shift nervously as you hands begin to fiddle with each other, a sigh escaping your lips as you lean back against the door. “You know I’m no good at being social, Shoko…”

You’re pouting at her as your cheeks start to warm from embarrassment. “What if they find me weird and unsettling and—“ You nearly want to scream. “What if they pull Megumi and the twins out of school because they think I’m unsuitable—“ You stop yourself. “But at the same time if they’ve moved into the neighborhood I’ll be running into them 24/7! If they find out I’m just some loser who stays at home all day and reads—“

You cough to cut yourself off at your spiel. Relax… You take in a deep breath as you finally start to calm. “And what if…” Your eyes flicker towards the ground. “They just… Don’t like me?”

A beat passes, and another.

Her eyes trail off to the side, letting the silence beat amongst the both of you. “They’ll like you like I love you, (name).” Her dark eyes meet yours, her steps stopping right before you as you catch the sight of her heels. “And if you’re so worried, you could always catch dinner with me instead as an excuse.”

(She would even call him up using the school register to tell him you can’t make it because your plant died or some other stupid excuse if that was what you wanted.)

“You’re so kind Shoko…!” You tackle her into a hug. “Your kindness precedes a being like me!” You pull back, glancing up at her blank, unimpressed gaze as you let a smile grace your face. “Jokes aside,” You scratch your cheek.

“I think it’s too late to even fully reject him now…”

You gulp nervously as the domineering man stood before you, all smiles and teeth and turned up eyes behind dark sunglasses that gleam with expectant want.

“I-I think that I have—“ Distance is closed in an instance, a towering frame leaning over you and breaking all boundaries of personal space.

“Y’know, the kids are gonna be super super excited once they find out we’re moving in next to ya!” Large porcelain hands reach up to grasp both of your own in his. “Won’tcha please come make them happy? Megumi and the twins talk about you lots, ya know? They even forget to eat sometimes when they get to tell us all about you.” There’s a cute pout on his face that makes your stomach swirl, your bewildered eyes starting to twirl as the scent of his cologne invades your nose…

(He’s so handsome… And so thoughtful of his kids… Ahh, you can feel your heart stutter…)

“I-I suppose I do have some free time today…!” He’s so close! If he leans down anymore, your lips would be—!

“Oho, that’s nice to hear, sensei!” A grin and a pat to your head. “We should have fully settled in by this afternoon, so I’ll come pick ya up after school, kay?” He pulls himself away (begrudgingly) as he pats his pockets for his car keys.

“O-oh, that’s not—“

“See ya later, sweetheart!” He’s practically already skipping out the door, sending you a salute and a wink as you stand there in stunned silence.

It looks like you have plans tonight with your neighbour… You turn towards the corridor before you pause in your steps abruptly, a small chill going up your spine.

Did you ever tell him your unit number…?

(Oh, you must’ve forgotten to close a window somewhere. No time to dawdle on your bad memory now when the kids’ health is at stake!)

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Notes:

You did actually go pretty hungry that day considering your lunch was fully consumed by 5 overeager toddlers. Shoko shared her convenience store sandwich with you.

Suguru heard the story of your shared lunch from Mimiko and used that as an excuse to talk recipes with you. Character-bentos are a popular topic between the both of you.

nvy’s aftertalk:

to all the anons who guessed that i was watching gakuen babysitters i am ashamed to admit that you are right i am a sucker for babies and cannot stop rewatching this dumb anime

[guardian5tiger3]

Your truest love in this lifetime 💕first time seeing eachother 😘

1 2

3 4

5 6

One.

Ok. So for you guys I'm seeing that you or them or possibly both of you are going to be going through something or will just be sad. I see you both talking. They might hear you talk before talking or vise versa. You guys are going to instantly relate a lot and they are going to make you feel better and vise versa but for most of you I'm seeing the dynamic that you're upset and they talk you to help in some way. They see you as beautiful. They're going to make you feel way more sane about what you're going through and confirm to you that it's normal and there isn't anything wrong with you. They will relate with you. Things will move fast after this because the love is almost instantly there. You guys will mostly just know what's up. I see you guys kind of tumbling a little bit here and there for a while in the start but is it love if you don't get a little clumsy? If there ends up being a period probably a shorter period of not much communication it's spirit guiding you or them or both of you to decide to share your feelings. This I'm seeing marriage or just very long-term. 💖

Two

You might say something shocking or very substantial. They're going to watch you from a far and admire you and observe. They might just leave without saying anything but somehow I really see them getting your phone number or contacts somehow. So you won't know as much about them as they do about them initially. I really wanted to say "and the rest is history " so that gives you an idea of your future with them ahah.💚

Three

You or them are going to have some type of victory in life around this time, I heard "advancement" for around half of you this is work related or financial. This might be at a celebration for such a thing. I see someone flirting with someone and the other person in a blushing, flattered, maybe nervous energy . Neither do you are going to realize how deep this is or at least one of you isn't. You might not perceive this as serious but... Man.... Somebody might walk away after that but spirit is coming up like no. Absolutely not. And they're are going to orchestrate this where there is no other option like you are meant to be so a lot of you will see them again in a work setting or kind of a similar setting as before. Somebody is gonna see them again somewhere random like a store but for you guys at that point you will both take as a sign it's serious and meant to be in a way.

Four

I am really getting magical energy I can feel it in my hands. You and this person more or less are very developed people , I heard smart. You both have it together. Not necessarily to societies standards, but to spirits. I got the tower so I think you'll both feel something big is going on.negative things might be going on but it's like you guys come together to tackle all of this together but it's almost like you guys come together and that all disappears anyway at least temporarily.

Spirit shows me you guys getting together and I think this is your souls not you guys in reality. but spirit doesnt want you to know the dynamic fully. I see it being way more complicated than any of the other readings. I'm getting a lot of negative cards for some reason. Yah so your souls get together before you do in the physical and whatever your souls guide you to do might not be getting together but you're both almost working together to manipulate this negative stuff going around you guys. It seems like a lot you both have to do. You both stand by yourselves for a while so you know this person well before you get together for real. When you guys are brought together it's probably going to be introduced to you both as a situation not involved connecting with eachother but this situation ends up making that happen.

Five

One of you is going to a situation of conflict to try to offer help or bring peace. The other will come in after like hey! How can I also help. Lol. This is funny cause whenever comes in after the other person is gonna be like seriously . Why are you coming here now.as if this person has some alterior motives or is a follower or something. They felt called to though. This person could like metal. They seem super goofy and it's like the stuff their into is goofy because of how they are about it. They're charming. Some of you one of you is gonna be like some type of scenario of oh man let's trade numbers or can I have your number or something cause oh , like for instance insurance cause of this car crash or something. They are silly lol. I like this person guys. I'm guessing you're the one that goes in first and they come in kind of goofy after for most of you that is so. So overall basically for all of you you're both approaching some time of conflict and the dynamic between you two is goofy.

Six

222 am right now. You guys are just gonna be doing something casual, for a lot of you I see you walking. It seems like you two are the only people around eachother, they're going to come up and talk to you, you'll start talking about life, and the conversation will just be super natural or fluid at least for one of you. It will just simply go from there. I'm getting a lot about synchronicities especially numbers for you guys. This is a really simple , pure, clear energy. There's not much more to be said. It's nice. I'm not getting super romantic immediately for most of you but as you get closer it will just sort of turn into that. 💗 No blockages, nothing extra. I like this. 🙂✨

[prettiestboyev]

FAN ( 2 ) apology accepted

tw cockblock joke? ahah + cloud9 fighting over gg's. none of those opinions are my own, just comments ive seen under kpop tiktoks

You breathed in and out, walking up to Han as you heard a little cheer from your members. You ignored them, slightly tapping on his shoulder as he turned back.

His other group members seemed to have been somewhere else, since he was alone.

"Hey uh-, Jisung, right?" You gave your best smile to him as he smiled back warmly though it seemed forced.

He nodded. "Yes, and you're S/N?" He asked back and you nodded. "I wanted to ask a favor - if it's not too much." You asked him.

"Go ahead, what's up?"

"So- uh, well, I wanted to know if you knew where Felix was?" You asked.

He seemed to be a bit taken aback. "Why? Wanna ask him out or somethin'?" He chuckled as you shook your head as soon as he said that.

"No! Not at all- it's just, I wanted to tell him something." You said. "I bumped into him earlier, and I was a bit rude to him.. 'wanted to apologize is all."

"Oh, yeah, he told us." Your heart dropped.

So he DID take it as rude.

How did you manage to upset the literal people who inspired you to debut!? Goodness..

"He's at the bathroom with Minho-hyung and Innie." He told.

You nodded, as a thank-you.

You walked over to the bathroom, seeing Felix alone for a minute. "Uh, hey?" You let out a softer than usual voice, probably from nerves.

He looked at you, a little less warm than usual, but it was kinda expected.

"I- I am so sorry for what happened earlier- I didn't mean to be rude and stuff- I was actually so nervous because you are like one of the people who literally inspired me to debut and I am sosososo sorry-"

He laughed. "S/N, it's fine!"

You stayed quiet, you were quite the blabbermouth after all. Though most of your fans saw it as a charming part of you.

"I forgive you, really, things like that happen. I was just kinda sad because you're also a really big idol for me." WHAT?

"M-me?" You pointed at yourself. "Psh- You don't have to say all that!"

He chuckled. "It's true. I have like almost all your songs on my playlist. I also adored your solo album! Especially your-"

You were about to faint.

Heaven is actually not eternal, because the moment was interrupted.

"...CLOUD9!" The announcer yelled, the voice rang throughout the room.

You waved quickly, "Thank you so much!" as you ran to meet up with your group onstage.

What a cockblock. But k-pop idol version.

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a/n i actually like this chapter, anyway the social media in smau is finally ab to start everyone cry of happinesss

taglist @luvyeni @tenmii

[cl4ss1ba33]

Hi!! Sorry I am really excited right now ahah!!

Soo... today I had my very first lucid dream ever using the FILD method!! YAY!! Happy me! :D 🎉🎉🎉

I did the breathing with your nose pinched reality check and I could breath through it!!!

But then I got too excited and woke up!

:,(

Kinda sad about the last part but I had my very first lucid dream ever so YAY!!!

(Sorry I am childish)

OMGGG CONGRATSSSSSS!!!! Next time just take a few seconds to calm yourself down and ur good to go 💗💗💗

[doki-doki-imagines]

A/B/O and some other letter

characters: sae & rin itoshi, yoichi isagi, oliver aiku, michael kaiser

tw: suggestive content it's omegaverse after all, toxic situations but reader is fine

doki-doki comment: I lack several hours of sleep and my mind come out with this thing ahah HELP. Hope someone will enjoy

The Itoshis are both sigma

-They are the kind to walk around like Patrick Bateman, their self-esteem reaches a height that can't even be described, and is for sure unhealthy. -As good sigmas they hate each other; a manipulator trying to manipulate another one never works well. -So it is easy to imagine the level of toxicity and egoism their house reach when they both get interested in the same beta, aka you. -"It should be simple" they both think, betas are smart, but so easy to manipulate and putty on the right sigma hands. -"And I am the right one" they both just think it, but in the same instant they look at each other, eyes predatory and showing their fangs; if their parents weren't around the situation would have ended up in an ugly beating. -Rin and Sae are both dry with your interaction, but it's a technique not to make you notice how little by little they are binding you to them. Money, reputation everything will soon crumble and you'll be on your knees asking for help. -Sae can already taste the salt on your throat, made by the copious tears running down your face, thanking your savior. -Rin can already hear your thanks between sobs, a real pitiful sight, but he dreamily sighs, already feeling the soft skin of your neck in his hands, now gripping 'till you choke, finally marking you as his. -Too sad that like all those dumb sigmas in movies and shows the plan backfires and the brothers are the ones on their knees, their teal eyes soiled with tears, because no way an astute sigma as you are could fall for their cheap tricks; now it is time for your revenge.

Yoichi Isagi the guy everybody believed to be a beta, but came out as a full-fledged alpha

-He always acted as a laid-back alpha, never imposing himself that's why everybody thought Yoichi was a beta. -But thanks to blue lock, where egoism is the maximum value and all the participants are ready to get at each other throats, his instinct just took over. -Yoichi has such an imposing aura that he can make other alphas' knees buckle like fragile omegas. -But he never does it with his partner, Yoichi never wants to oblige you into anything; he suppresses his instinct so you can feel at ease and talk with him without any worries. -It doesn't mean that Yoichi won't get jealous when someone tries to make a move on you; it takes a second for him to pull his fangs out and make the room temperature literally drop to zero. -You tell him he shouldn't worry, that your heart only belongs to him, because you know that Yoichi hates acting like that, but you have to admit that he is so hot in those moments.

Oliver Aiku is a proud omega

-He is so proud of what he is; Oliver is the demonstration that even as an omega you can reach the top without the help of anybody. -Oliver doesn't suppress his instinct, he enjoys flirting and some more with other alphas, and maybe his sex life has a little too much of an impact on his daily life, but he is just a human after all, and everybody has vices. -He is really happy with his life, he stands tall and proud, nobody marked him, he is free and will always be, even when heaths hit hard. -That's why Oliver is horrified when he understands he can't get you, a simple beta, out of his mind. -For real, he talked to you in that bar just because a friend of his wanted to approach you but he was too shy, and now he finds his throat hurting, like millions of thorns scratching it, just by looking at your eyes. -And now he can't stop chatting with you, entire nights spent with you on the other end of the line, the atmosphere full of soft laughter that warms both your hearts. -Oliver hates himself, for getting so into you, so into that now he is in heath, one of the harsh ones that fill his mind with the words "mark me", and he can't stop thinking about you, and how you could take him so deliciously well even if a beta, because Oliver knows no alpha ever made his heart beat this fast. -"Oliver! Oliver!" Your sweet voice, he can hear behind the door of his bedroom "Sendo told me about this, please tell me how I can help you out!" "Angel" he thinks, and angels shouldn't be involved in such impure acts; Oliver needs to push you away. -But he isn't fast enough, you are already on his side, holding his hand and brushing off hair from his sweaty forehead. -Oliver knows he can't resist any longer.

Michael is an omega and nobody knows it

-He hates it, hates his nature with every fiber of his being, and that's why he starts to take suppressants at the first signs of his true nature. -Michael is one of the best strikers in the world, an arrogant bastard to the notch, he doesn't reek of alpha or sigma, but his personality tells enough and nobody questions him. -'Till he meets you, cold and unfazed to his teasing, at first flirting, now just to piss you off and finally acknowledging his existence. -"I never meet such an obnoxious omega in all my life" -Michael hears a glass cracking, the floor sucking him in, but he plays dumb. "I don't know what are you talking about, your beta senses mustn't work anymore" "I'm a gamma, and you reek of omega, you can't fool me" -Ah, you were one of those strange kinds, the very clever ones. -Michael knows he is fucked, because if someone other than you find out about his secret his career will be in serious danger and some shitty alpha will try to cage him in. -But he is lucky he found you, someone that respects omegas so much, and that understand his position so well. -But this newfound person in his life, fuck up another aspect of his life; the hormones. Because now heaths aren't so easily brushed off with suppressants, because his mind gets easily filled with a scenario of you two together, smiling, cuddling, screwing. Michael's throat aches, mouth dry, he just wants to call your name, maybe the nth time will convince you to help him out of this pitiful condition. -Meanwhile you don't move a finger, because even if you love the real Michael, the one with weaknesses, the one that just wants to be accepted for who he is, the one that makes your heart beat impossily fast, you also respect him endlessly. -That's why you wait outside of his bedroom, resisting the urge to help him out, 'till his mind finally works and then- "Michael, I love you" it's a dry confession, you are harsh, but the message is clear. -His heart which was beating furiously just minutes ago, stop. Just to go even faster, making him feel light-headed in a completely different way. Is this happiness? Michael can't remember the last time he felt like this. "Me too" The butterfly kiss you exchange, so soft and light but so full of love, makes Michael understands that for once he is loved for who he truly is

[nouverx]

Good afternoon!!!

I am Andrew and how I can see your audience is pretty big and you're pretty popular in Hazbin community. So how did you gain you audience? I would wanted to listen some recommendations for new content makers.

Pal I don't know if I'm the right person to ask this ahah because I have no idea, I just draw what I like, post it and see how it goes basically. I just love Alastor and Radiorose so much that I need to talk about them and draw them or else I feel like I'm going to explode. I need art about them to chew on constantly so I check the radiorose tag almost everyday (sometimes I comment on posts and people seem surprised to see me there ahah guys I am just as brainroted as you yk). And I guess people are the same as me and need food to chew on too. Who knows

I'll ramble more under the cut:

Tbh I'm just an hobbyist I want to make art that I love and am passionate about and if it draws people's love and attention in the process then good! If not, then it's ok too. I least I made food for myself to enjoy.

It might be surprising but I spend my free time writing fanfics that I'm never going to post ahah, I just like to reuse some stuff I write and make them into comics. I write my little fake scenarios for my own enjoyment in the first place. For example this recent Radiorose comic originally was a one shot I wrote back in February. I only made it into a comic recently because I really wanted to share it with people (and fun fact at first it ended with Alastor being so startled by this whole conversation that he left her apartment without a word and didn't talk to her for like a week. I changed it to make it funnier because I like to entertain people more than make them sad :'D)

I don't want to be popular or make art for other people, I make it for my own enjoyment first and I just like to share it sometimes to see if people will enjoy my vision! So I dont know what kind of advice I could give you ahah I don't know if I have the right mindset for that.

I also think I have the bonus point of being an experienced artist. I've been drawing for 12 years, studied art academically for 6 years, I work in the animation industry, I have a lot of experience in posting online, and I've been drawing for a lot of fandoms in my life: Death Note, Undertale, Mystic Messenger, Moomin, Steven Universe, One Piece, The Legend of Zelda, Trigun Stampede, and now Hazbin Hotel. My artistic skills are completely different from when I was drawing in my first fandom (Death Note) in 2015 ahah. Now no matter what fandom I draw in I always get a decent amount of reactions thanks to my artistic skills and experience.

It makes me sad to see smaller artists compare themselves to me sometimes and be disappointed that they don't get as much attention as me. Just be aware that I have a degree in art and animation and I've been posting art on Internet since I'm 14. I'm almost 25. Don't beat yourself up you'll get there 💖

[canon-vi]

I tried to create her on January 3, but forgot...

--------------------------🦊----------------------------

Name: Anastasia

Name abbreviations (popular and frequently used): Nastya, Nastenka, Nastyukha, Asya

Age: 8-9

Height: 134

Birthday: April 30 (April 30) {it’s just that my friend Nastya was born on the same day—}

--------------------------🦊----------------------------

•

Asya has aphasia, to put it simply, she is mute, she became mute after the car accident

•

For conversations she always carries a notebook with a pen, she keeps this notebook in her bag

•

Nastya is a very tactile child, she loves hugs and physical contact, especially with her family

•

She has trouble sleeping and has nightmares, often involving an accident, so she goes to her parents' room for support from Merciless

•

She is patient with bullying, but at the same time vindictive, she remembers everyone who has offended her in some way and the “evil” comes back doubly, “there are devils in still waters,” she once doused a girl with boiling water, but that doesn’t matter—

•

Nastya has a personal diary, even 2, one where she writes everything good and leaves it where someone can find it, and the second about all her and not only terrible secrets, which she hides... But I won’t tell you where, what if someone find it? (under the floor)

•

Asya wants to become a programmer in the future and create her own game, wish her luck :3

•

Nastya loves all sorts of folk and pagan holidays, like Russian Maslenitsa, but who doesn’t like baking and eating pancakes for a week, and burning an effigy at the end of the week? It's fun and delicious!

Note:

— Aphasia is a local absence or disorder of already formed speech with impaired speech perception while maintaining hearing. It occurs with organic lesions of the speech parts of the cortex (and the “nearest subcortex” - as Luria puts it) of the brain as a result of injuries, tumors, strokes, inflammatory processes and some mental illnesses. Aphasia affects various forms of speech activity

— The name Anastasia has meanings: return to life, resurrection, rebirth

--------------------------🦊----------------------------

Dream:

" I don't know him, but the name sounds familiar, maybe I heard about him once? I don't know, I'm not sure "

Ink:

" Isn't this Aunt Drop's mom? I heard about her, Aunt Drop said that someday she would show me photographs of her! I can't wait for her to show it to me!! "

Cross:

" Grandpa cooks very tasty, I like to cook with him, and he is also strong and cool! I love it when he rides me on his neck! "

Hope:

" Mom and dad always spoke well of her, but grandpa shudders as soon as he hears her name, I would like to meet her :D "

Nightmare:

" Dad talks very little about him, but he definitely loves him, well, I think so "

Killer:

" Grandma Kill? Dad loves to talk about her, and I love to listen to his stories, sometimes dad says that I am very similar to her "

Merciless:

" Dad is the kindest and the best, it seems to me that he will support me, even if I need to kill and bury someone I love him :3 "

Lux:

" Mom says that I take after my dad in appearance and even in mind, which means she loves me just like dad: D I love my mom, I feel safe with her! But it’s very painful to see how sad mom is, I don’t want to leave her alone :( "

Pallete:

" Thief. "

Drop:

" Aunt Drop is cool, she creates games! When I grow up, I want to create games just like her! :D For some reason, aunt always carefully leaves us, I don’t understand why? "

Sunrise:

" If I hadn’t just stood and watched, that guy wouldn’t have taken her Sorry, Sun :( I miss her "

Moonrise:

" Brother Moon is very cute He often reminds me of Sunrise, I really try not to cry at such moments, but sometimes I fail :'( "

--------------------------🦊----------------------------

Fun fact: I decided to create Nastya when my friend with the same name was in the hospital with alcohol poisoning in a coma, ahah

--------------------------🦊----------------------------

E. L. A. by @anotherrosesthatfell

[joetamy]

I love Doma, so much- besides his character alone, imma post things I like about his design. Cause I can ùwú If you wanna see my simpus supremus post, read more under the cut! 🙌

Ahem... LOOK AT THE SIZE OF HIS HANDS ! ! He's huge! This is a me thing maybe but that's very✨pleasant✨ Other than that, the design for his hands are so elegant.. yet strong- he has long nails as the upper two, which- slayyy~

The blood-like pattern is visually appealing, honestly just such good design. If you want to make hands more interesting, have some kind of detail like this to draw your eyes to them. Gah... GAH 🔥

His range of expression! And just.... his face- For someone with no emotion, he sure has studied expressing whatever he wants accurately. Surprise, joy, sympathy, sadness, determination- you name it, he can fake it. And as is the point of his character to some extent, he has beautiful eyes. Both in shape and color. 🌈

His eyebrows are wonderful, it's not often creators make a character this attractive and then give them a set of nice and thick eyebrows. I feel it's so common to think of it as unattractive but.. honestly- I disagree. I have had thick eyebrows my entire life, and I am extremely grateful for that. Anyway, this next one is just.. demons in general from Demon Slayer. But! Their teeth, they are so large. Every demon with these kind of teeth just... they seem so- idk- comfy looking. It's odd, but very appealing! (I checked in with some friends and they agree! Demon chompers are very nice to look at!

HIS HAIR! For real, long long ago, when watching the hobbit and lord of the rings, something flipped in me in regard to what I find appealing on men. Long hair. There is a reason I love Tolkien's elves ahah. And it's just the same with Doma. 🥰 Regardless if it is beautiful, smooth and soft or jagged and wild- it does not matter. Men suit long hair so much more than they think, it makes me so happy whenever a character is given long hair. And I mean LONG, not that "barely touching the shoulders" bs. That's not long, that's medium.

It actually pains me when someone draws a man who has long hair- with short hair. Like.. slay, live your dreams. But come oooon- let the 10% of men with long hair in fiction keep it, plz- I beg. (not actually that serious, do what makes you happy <3) With some help from two of my friends, I'd like to point out his build and how he visually reads vs. his behaviors! While Doma is quite a big guy, with broad shoulders and a very tall frame. He acts and is drawn very innocently! (Note: Slim waist alert 🔥)

He is often drawn in a way that makes him seem quite harmless. He sits in a way that makes him seem smaller than he is (Especially during the upper moon meeting), he's often smiling, laughing and otherwise messing around. He also somewhat slumps his shoulders sometimes. All this really makes his behavior stand out, since it is such a contrast to how he makes himself appear. He talks down to people in such a casual way, he's creepy at times, intimidating- and that gets multiplied by 100 when he no longer acts all aloof and sweet.

On top of all this- he is very muscular, but he wears a baggy turtleneck and very loose pants. Which is anotherfor him to seem far less intimidating visually.

This has all been manga so far, but here's an honorable mention to the anime. This scene was so well done. He is smiling softly through the entire scene, but does not express as much as he does while being upper two. His voice range moves but not along with his expression, which make it feel as if something is off and I love it.

Sidenote, the voice actor they picked for him- chef kiss 💕 Some of this might be a reach, or personal conclusion of course. But when I have an interest, why not share it. Maybe some people will agree, maybe some won't. Either is fine! And feel free to tell me what you agree or disagree with, or just what you like about this guy. I am happy to hear 💖

[th3-p-a1-nt3r]

Okay im literally so bored soooo

@pastelclovds ' isekai AU for Wren again bc i LOVE WRITING!!!

Wrens Isekai life!! Pt. 2!

When they get to the apartment luckily it seemed furnitured but bland enough to still decorate

Wren began to sign to CAM

"Which room would you like, oldest gets to pick first"

RAM a bit offended sighs and takes the L on this one

CAM picked the middle room, not too big, not too small

"RAM would you like the bigger room, I don't wanna be selfish and take it if you want it instead!"

RAM would take it normally, but with the size of the big room it would be better for Wren to take it, since they need the wheelchair in there...

Or maybe they can share this room?

"We can share, the smallest room will be CAM and I office"

"Fair, and sorry if Im being annoying but can you place me on the couch? I'll fidgure out something i can do, don't want to be a mooch ahah!"

Wren felt bad that their useless this time around

Normally they'd be dancing, helping move anything, preparing dinner or even going to their job

But in this world they really can't move with any support

For now they'll just be doing laundry and unpacking boxes for RAM and CAM

Speaking of the two

"Hey RAM, get CAM I need to talk to the two of you!"

They both sit next to Wren as they look at the two

"Okay now that were in a world were I'm familiar with we need to get you better names, I think CAM will be Cameron or Cam for short, its obvious, but RAM...Why don't I call you...Ramon? Just for now! I'll still call the you Ram and Cam but more as nicknames...luckily my name is a normal name so unless the two of you want to share a last name then we need some type of household name"

RAM was barely following along while CAM took notes\

After Wren's rambles they finally got RAM's attention

"Now Ram, Cam if anyone ask you two are born from the same mom different dads, also we should find out if AM is here as well..II know you all don't get along but it'll be nice to see if he has a new identity here as well"

"He won't live here right?"

"Of course not, if he has a house or whatever we'll visit him"

Ram nodded and Cam seemed a bit off with that idea but Wren knows how to lie better than the two of them

"If we can...I kinda wanna see if we can live here as long as we can.."

Wren spoke with a bit of sadness, Ram and Cam knew somewhat why they would wanna stay here but not for what they think

"So, lets fine jobs and I'll lie my candy ass off to make sure no one knows of who we we're before"

They both nod

Night falls and Wren is sitting on the couch knitting a blanket for winter, Cam usually gets cold often so this would be a nice surpise for Christmas

"Wren..."

"Whats up Ram..."

Ram sighs as he sits next to Wren trying to keep them as close as possible

"What is bothering you..I know something is wrong...I may be apathetic to others but for you it's different..I've been in you're mind but I know you kept secrets from me..You're in despair...i know it..."

"I..its..its a long story....And I know I've known you for a while I just...I don't know if you'd hate me for it"

Wren confested as they pinned the chain they were on and packed it into a bag for safe keeping

"When I think you're ready I'll tell you the truth"

Ram seemed a bit upset but he knows its for the best

"I'll put faith you'll tell me"

Ram spoke so softly

Even with his accent he still manages to sound so soft

"heh...I love your scars by the way...they look really cool, can...can I touch them? If you want you can touch mine as well!"

Wren smiled as Ram shook his head

"You may...but you don't have to if you don't want to"

Wren smiled wider as they removed their jacket for him to see the tank top they wore

Their scars ran up their spine and into their hair, they had some on their shoulders and knees but most where on their head

"Oh but I do Ram~"

Adding spicy moments soon~

[ackackh]

Hi happy talk shop Tuesday to my favorite writer!!💛 my question for u is what inspired the original characters in ur fics? Eddies family in our hemisphere & especially Sophia from the tulip- those characters are written soo beautifully and have stuck with me long after I’ve read them :’)

Also omg a new chapter of God is a Bluegill!!! how does it feel to be back writing it!

Lord not me crying in the club bc you called me favorite 😭💛

Ahah would you believe me if I told you I’ve been kicking around a different/updated version of Our Hemisphere for the past few months? No real promises and the original would absolutely stay as is—but I’ve changed so much as a writer and I have so many more ideas for those characters and I wanna write with them again!

-I’ve never been one to research The Real Guys when it comes to fic bc I’m working with a character and not a historical figure, and fandom at least seems to believe that Eddie has a million siblings so I wanted to hop on that train! My dad grew up as the second-youngest of 13 siblings and the absolutely wild shit they got up to? Incredible. And Eddie was so good at working with the guys in The Pacific I couldn’t help but picture him as the eldest, especially with my darling baby Ruthie, I literally love her so much, I just wanted to give Eddie someone he could pour all his love into and someone who would love him unconditionally. I’m the youngest sibling, I know all about idolizing older brothers.

-Joe, my other love, isn’t the villain of course, just someone with a lot of emotions he doesn’t know how to handle. He came out of the idea that there were lots of guys who 4F who became really depressed and sometimes took their own lives. Joe spent a lot of time resenting Eddie for having what he couldn’t. Then, even worse, he’s not even grateful for it, he comes home all fucked up over it and Joe didn’t even get to go! Add onto it that Eddie’s sleeping with a man and Joe just… can’t deal. He’s just sad, and he deserves better.

-fun fact, the Ruth in my newer version of Our Hemisphere does not immediately take to Eddie upon his return bc she literally doesn’t remember him. And now there’s this fuckin dude? Just in her house? Excuse me? She warms to him eventually tho, and then they’re inseparable

And omg Soph, my angel, my absolute shitster. When I wrote The Tulip I was friends with this girl who had a little sister who was like 3(?) at the time and she was sooo smart it was a riot. I based a lot of Sophia around that idea. She’s the kind of kid you love to death but who can’t stop getting in trouble because she’s so observant and has no tact (bc she’s in like, preschool). Lot’s of gray hairs for Walt. Ray only encourages her.

AHH THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING GIAB. I am like, beside myself with happiness that I’ve been able to continue it! And now that ch 3 is out it’s been way easier to continue into ch 4, which has like 2k words so far. I have so much story in my head here, like, it fucking goes places. Some shit fucking happens in later chapters and I can’t wait to show you!

[eldritch-spouse]

Hello darling Pinnie

Remember that really lovely thing you wrote about Breg calling you ✨️ just to hear your voice ✨️? How would that go reversed? Like he's out doing something and gets a surprise phone call from his horny roommate who's clearly touching herself?

:)

[In his wet dreams, hah. Sorry it's short.]

He didn't expect the call at all.

Usually, when Breg's not home, you don't really make a fuss about it. If anything, you might even want more time apart from the breeder. Which saddens Breg to think about, truly, but he supposes he understands. He can be a bit clingy.

Nonetheless, the hand-me-down phone you got him rings in the pocket of a pair of sweatpants he basically forced himself to slip on just to go outside. It's an old phone, but the breeder loves it anyway, because it was yours once, and it's a gift from his mate!

He knows it's you calling him because the monster only has a handful of contacts in it, and yours has a special ringtone.

To say he fishes it out of his pocket in a blur is an understatement. He's so excited to talk to you that he nearly crushes the poor thing. The stranger next to him in the hygiene isle gives him a judgmental stare when he makes a noise like a chirped squeal.

" Angel! " Breg happily greets, maybe a bit too loudly.

What could you be calling him for anyway? Oh who is he kidding, he's too happy to care.

" Hey Breg... " Comes your much more low-energy reply.

His tail swats around happily while he slips the toothpaste into his cart. " Is everything alright? How was your day? Do you want me to make dinner tonight? "

There's a sound like a quiet snort from your end. " No. No, I got dinner for us already. " You assure. " I'm... Doing okay. " Doesn't sound like it to him.

" Are you sure? You sound a bit down right now. " He voices as much, wandering into another isle, more than a bit distracted.

" I'm... Breg, why aren't you home? "

Why isn't he home? He likes the sound of that. It's as if it makes you sad that he's not around. That makes Breg very happy.

" O-Oh, about that... " The breeder fumbles. " I- I had nothing to do, and I saw the shopping list you put up on the fridge... It's a little hard to read, but- But I thought I'd do something nice and get that done. "

He can hear movement from your side, like you're shifting things around, cleaning around maybe.

" Oh sweetie, you didn't have to! "

Sweetie... Sweetie! Breg's tail sways so hard he accidentally whacks someone with it, quickly turning around and murmuring a fast apology.

" I just want you to relax a bit more, you always look so tired when you come home. " The monster sighs.

" That's very nice of you. You're always so sweet to me, Breg. Honestly, I think you deserve a reward. " The shifting gets louder, only now does he pick up on a slightly more pronounced breathing pattern. Odd, but he's far from bothered by it right now.

" Ahah, don't mention it... " He cranes his neck, holding the phone between his shoulder and head as he reaches for the egg carton on the top shelf.

" You're a good boy, aren't you Breg? "

Breg tenses so hard he nearly drops the fragile package, standing frozen in the middle of the isle as a cerulean tint spreads on his face. Where's this coming from?

" Wh- What? "

" I said, you're a good boy, aren't you? " He bites his lip, hearing you gasp. " You're my good boy, right? "

Oh fuck.

No way. No fucking way. You're actually touching yourself.

" A-Angel... " Breg's pants suddenly feel a lot more bothersome. He parks the cart somewhere.

" Answer me, where are your manners? " You chastise, every word a taunting purr.

" Yes- Yes, I am! " That's part of what he wants to be for you, out of a lot of things. Part of his brain is still catching up with the situation, beyond delighted that you'd do something so gross out of your own volition.

You make a subtle moan and Breg gulps, choking back his own noise of want.

" Angel- " He tries again, looking around to make sure he's not being watched. " Are you... Are you touching yourself? "

Silence reigns. In that moment, nothing exists in Breg's world aside from your voice.

" What if I am, Breg? " There's a pause. " What if I'm laying on your bed right now, fingering myself and soaking your sheets? "

That just about has the breeder steaming. He whimpers out loud like a dog that can't reach its favorite treat. " I... " He doesn't have words.

" Do you mind that? I just think your bed is so comfortable and I- " Another inhale. " Thought I'd help myself to it. It'd be better if I had one of your fat cocks in me. "

Breg's grip on the handle of his cart is so tight that the material creaks beneath his hold. The sound jolts the breeder into looking down, spotting himself already rocking a noticeable tent to his pants. Fuck, he has to go somewhere, he can't just stand here like an idiot and make a scene. Abandoning the shopping cart entirely, the large monster starts sprinting past confused bystanders and basically slams himself into a random bathroom stall, uncaring of who else might be in the others.

" What was that all about? " There's a hint of humor in your tone.

" N-Nothing. " The monster quickly excuses. " Be louder, I want to hear everything. "

" Ahahn, pervert. " You hum, to which Breg almost retorts. " You went somewhere so you can beat off, didn't you? "

Drat, is he really that obvious? Nonetheless, the pale monster's pants are already down to his knees as a hand wraps around one of his lengths with little fanfare. His filter is gone.

" Can- Can you hump my pillow? " He pants.

There's a moment of silence from your end, perhaps shock. " ... You'll wash it later, right? "

" O-Of course I will! " Lies, he's going to shove his face in it and get high. "I just think it'd be really- Please, do it. "

" Such manners. " There's shifting, and he practically glows with joy knowing that you're ruining his bed. He wishes he was there to catch you in the act.

Lust has him spiraling, hand furiously pumping himself, head tossing back as the sheer arousal of knowing what you're up to makes waves of heat eat him alive. " Gh fuck- You're so hot. You're so fucking hot, I want to bury my face in your cunt, please tell me when you're close. "

The tone in his voice must be doing wonders for you, because you make high-pitched whimpers whenever he so much as growls a word out. " Ahn- You sound mad. " His mate jokes.

" That's because I am. " Breg nearly chokes in his own drool. " I'm furious you haven't done this sooner, I'm fucking livid you haven't dragged me away to fuck the brains out of you yet. That's all I want, I just- I just want to be yours. Why haven't you let me breed you yet and then you do this? It's like... "

It's like you enjoy denying him.

" What if I did let you? Huh? "

Breg cums abruptly, hard enough to rip a thunderous snarl out of him. Something someone definitely heard. The breeder's hips tense and slam upwards while he rides out his sudden orgasm, tongue lolling.

" Wha-? No fair, you should have waited for me! " He hears you pant faintly.

" I'm coming home. " He croaks, clumsily wiping himself clean and leaving the stall in a horribly depraved state. If anyone gives him weird stares, the breeder's beyond caring.

" B-But the shopping- "

" No. I'm coming home. "

The way you stutter and breathe faster has a nasty little smirk curling his lips up.

[shsl-fander]

Logince Week: Day 2

Prompt: Revenge

Pairing: Logan/Roman

Description : Logan and Roman are extremely competitive with one another, and so they have their weekly game nights, however Roman offers a different prize for the winner

@loginceweek2024

If you asked anyone in the mindscape who the most competitive person they'd ever met was, their answer would either be Logan Sanders or Roman Sanders, no one else would even come to mind. For this precise reason, what had once been an family game night tradition, involving every single side, had been entirely changed. Now it was left with only the logical and creative traits still involved, eager to see who would win the next time.

They'd found themselves in almost an endless cycle, either wanting revenge if they'd lost last time or wanting to continue their pridefull streak. Oddly enough, this weekly occurrence had brought the two closer than ever before, always looking forward to when they would see the other.

"Ahah! Finally! I've won!" Roman declared happily, launching himself up and out of his seat from the table to gloat. He danced around the area, occasionally doing his pose or smirking over at Logan.

Logan, who was still sat down at the table, their scattergories board between them. He was grumbling something about 'unfair' and 'statistically I've won more.'

"This is ridiculous, there is no way I've lost a vocabulary related game to Princey," Logan scoffed in disbelief, which only made Roman's smile grow even wider.

"Hey! I'm good at words too, Specs! You think all my wonderous stories just create themselves?! To be creative requires good vocabulary!" Roman argued, hands on his hips.

"Ironic, since the correct phrase would be 'I am good with words, too.'" Logan jabbed in response, a small smirk tugging on his lips. His smirk grew into an amused smile as Roman scoffed indignantly. "You are so ridiculous," he sputtered through laughter.

Roman dramatically placed a hand to his heart, stumbling backwards. "Your words hurt, Nerd! You've gotten your revenge, I understand now!" he gasps, turning his head away in faux sadness.

Logan shook his head, standing up so he could walk closer to Roman. "Do you really doubt me that much and think I'd give up that simply?" he said holding his hand out, "rematch?"

Roman grinned, eagerly shaking his hand, "Oh you're on, microsoft!" he exclaimed. "I think we should make it more fun though, have something at stake," he offered, with that creative romantic glint in his eyes.

Roman had an idea, an absolute awful idea, and he was dangerously close to letting his romantic thoughts win and doing said idea. He'd had a crush on the logical trait for ages now, longer than he could even remember given how long the two had known each other. There was something about Logan's competitive fire, the one that mirrored his own so well, that made Roman feel so warm inside.

"What are you referring to, Roman?" Logan pondered, scrunching up his eyebrows. His eyes widened as Roman took another step closer, blush rising to the apples of his cheeks. "Roman?!" he sputtered, attemping to keep his composure. Internally, however, Logan's heart was pounding inside his chest.

"If I win, will you let me take you out on a date?" Roman requests softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

Logan swallowed nervously, and the added warmth in his body made his glasses to begin to fog. He cleared his throat, fidgeting with his tie. "You are interested in me?" he asks, audible doubt in his voice.

Roman laughed softly, shaking his head in disbelief, "Is that even a question?! Of course I am, I've been sending you hints for months."

Roman for one, absolutely loved to tease Logan, amd if Logan had remembered correctly, that was the way Roman showed his love. Not to mention all the comments he'd sneak into their discussions that could definitely be taken in a flirtatious way.

"So, do we have a deal?"

Logan couldn't fight the smile that snuck onto his face as he nodded, "Indeed we do, Prep."

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

Today is such a weirddddd day ahhhh.

I'm going to get a bittttttt personal, but I thought I would share. Besides celebrating Toll today, I wanted to remember Acchan as well, since it's the 10th month since his passing.

Today's really special for me, because it's not only Toll's birthday and Acchan's anniversary, but it's also my mom's birthday. She passed away 4 years ago, so today, when visiting her grave, I thought both about Toll and Atsushi as well. It's so ironic really, it's as if life did this on purpose, that I must face reality, both the good and bad today ahahaha.

Honestly saying, had I not discovered BT, I don't think I could have ever visited her grave with a smile, really.

Sorry really personal, actually bigggggggggg trauma dump lol, reallly long but I just want to let it out, since it is somewhat related to BT and Acchan ahaha. And, this is my diary lol, so I need to be honest with how I feel right haahah. Don't read it if you don't want to hear a pathetic debbie downer yap again ahahaha

I honestly did not have a great relationship with my mom when she was alive. There were many many issues going on in my family, and my mom couldn't handle the stress, so she often snapped at me and my siblings. She was slowly becoming an alcoholic, because she couldn't handle everything by herself. Back then, I resented her for it a lot. I thought to myself "why would she make her children see her like this" and many other nasty remarks in my head, but I kept quiet since I had no business in adult matters. But, now with an adult head, I feel terribly sorry for not understanding her better. My family was not that poor, but poor enough that my dad was forced to work abroad. He came home around once a month. Honestly saying, looking back at it, my mom must have felt so lonely. It must have been suffocating having to raise 2 kids without your husband you love dearly. I'm sure that's why she turned to alcohol as an escape. I regret so many things. I regret not being there for her, I regret not expressing my love for her, but mostly, I regret not expressing how I was just yearning for a mom. Had she knew how much I just wanted to love her, I'm sure her pain would have been easier to bear. But, instead I was mentally ill and put a whole lot more on her shoulders ajajajaiajsjjaj. I was a kid yes, of course, I just wanted a parental figure to be there for me, but still, I wish things could have happened differently. I wish she could have seen that I have recovered and I am living a great life now ( even though I'm still not a 100% yet ahah). Because despite her not being truly present, I felt her concern. I could see the sadness in her eyes when she looked at her helpless child she did not know how to take care of. Of course, I could be angry. I could be angry, it wasn't my fault. But I'm just sad, that I was born fucked up ahahahah. When my family was together, everything was great. Mom and dad loved each other, they tried to give us everything. But I, I had to become depressed and ruin it all. And finances had to interfere in a possibly healthy family life ahh. I wish I could have cherished those moments of happiness for longer, because now they are not possible to get back ahhhhh.

But how does this relate to BT yes well.

So around 5 years ago, my mom developed pancreatic cancer. Due to her lifestyle mostly, but genetics also played a role. I was so caught up in my head that time, I felt like it was a hassle to visit her in the hospital. I felt it was a hassle to call her, I felt it was a hassle to live ahahah. I was way too focused on trying to "better my future". I was obsessively trying to get out of my depression by isolating from everything and everyone and focusing on "being better" . But it became so obsessive I barely lived, I was functioning on autopilot, blocking out every emotion and "problems" from my life. I barely remember anything from this time, honestly. So I also blocked out my mom being sick. I did not, and couldn't acknowledge it. Fast forward, in just a few months she passed away. There was hope, there was despair. I don't fucking recall what was the last thing I said to her and anajajahjahahha I don't rmemeber the last time I spoke to herr ahahahhaha. This was all in the middle of covid so we weren't allowed to visit.

.I. don't. remember. when. was. the. last. time. I. saw. her. Since I never knew it would be the last sjsjwiwkaokwkelowlwlwl. She never called me because even on her death bed!!! she put me fucking first!!!! she didn't want to bother me!!!! cuz she knew I was doing school!!!! and she didn't want me to visit!!!! because she didn't want me to see her so "pathetic"!!!!!! And I just fucking let her do it because Im stupid. Im so sorrryy mom I wish I would have visited I wish I could remember your last words or your face, the last time. You weren't a bother I'm so fucking sorry I made you feel that way. I will never ever ever forgive myself. I was such a fucking brat even when she called me I acted annoyed sjshiauajahaioaiw.

But I could sense. Even then I could sense she wanted to redeem herself. I knew she could feel she was gonna pass and I felt it too. I felt her words kinder and it was so unusual. I felt she finally expressed her love and yet, I couldn't react well. I was a fucking idiot. Even for one last time I should have put my fucking ego aside and should have said I love you. But it was strange, it felt like if I were to do that, I would accept she was going to pass. I was emotionally really shut off, I did not cry once. But deep down, I knew I did not fucking want to let her go. It's selfish of me to say but fucks sake. Everything was terrible, but since she passed, everything got worse.

On that day she died, I did not cry. I remember my dad coming home, bawling his eyes out. Jesus christ. I just hugged him for around half an hour feeling every tear fall down his cheek and. I never want to see him like that again, ever. He was so heartbroken, I felt like looking at a lost little boy. I felt terribly sorry for him oh my god. A lover of 30 years just suddenly gone, that must have been terrible to endure. But still, I couldn't cry. I felt like there was something really wrong with me and even my family thought I was strange. It was like it didn't phase me at all. At around 4am I went to bed and went to school the next day. What a fucking idiot jesus.

And for 4 years, I kept going to school the next day.

Since she passed, I think each day felt even blurrier than before. Eat, sleep, repeat. I could not grieve properly, I could not express how I was feeling. I always struggled to open up to others, I always bottled up everything, until it all exploded ahaha. I think it took me 2 years to first cry about her death. But even then, I wasn't sure what I was feeling. There was regret, sadness, anger, love. They all came out in the form of tears. But it wasn't satisfying, it felt like there was still something heavy weighing down my whole being that I just didn't know how to get rid of.

Well fast forward a lot, until the day I met BT.

Well I did have good moments, bad moments in these 4 years. But I had a ton of emptiness. A lingering sadness that had no root cause, that consumed my every waking moment and made me into a shell of a human being ahaha.

Then sometime last year, I discovered Buck Tick. Honestly, when I heard Atsushi's voice, It was love at first listen ahaha. I did not know what it was, but I felt a presence. I am not spiritual at all. But I felt a really strong presence of someone or something watching me when I listened to their music. It sent shivers down my spine and made me a bit scared ahaha. But it made me all the more intrigued to see what this band was about.

The first live performance of theirs I saw was the Climax Together - Jupiter live. That moment is etched into my brain. When a random school night I went on youtube with an innocent curiousity, wanting to get to know this band, that I didn't know would later change my whole life.

When I saw the performace, the first few seconds, I started bawling my eyes out. It's like something posessed me. When I looked at Acchan, I felt a familiarity, like my mother was looking at me. That feeling, that, is undescribable. It's like I could feel him standing next to me, the presence was so strong. When I looked at the lyrics of jupiter, I immediately knew it was about his mother, and that time, I did not know his mom also passed away. But that song, that night, changed my life. I think the pent up grief left my body that day ahahha. There was an understanding coming from Atsushi's voice, presence, that no other human has ever made me feel. I felt like I was finally seen.

After that, I read more about buck tick, listened to more songs. Grief began to hit me. I started feeling like everything that happened 4 years ago got cut open and decided to belatedly tear me apart ahaha. How does one explain to others that "sorry, I can't go to work, because the grief I've repressed 4 years ago is hitting me now and I'm unable to function.,, ahah.

Thanks to BT's music, I learned how to feel. I learned that it's okay for me to cry too. That I don't have to be the one to bear everyone's stress. I don't have to be the strong one.

And honestly, I don't want to be the strong one.

I want to cry because I miss my mom!!! I want to tell everyone that I miss my mom!!!! even 4 years later!!!! I want express my love for her that I couldn't in her last moments!!!

And it's all thanks to BT. Their lyrics, their music, their lives. That made me believe it was okay to cry. That even Acchan, then a 20 year old man, can write music about missing his dear mom. And even at 50 he still can!! Then so can I.

Honestly, I strongly, strongly believe BT are my guardian angels. I think Acchan made me feel like I still have a mother. He filled in that role of a parental figure I was yearning for. When I miss my mom, I miss Acchan, when I miss Acchan, I miss my mom. They are one and the same to me. Now, the grief is shared. Since he passed, there are 2 fundamental pieces missing from my heart. But now, I am happy. It is bearable, because I'm able to cry. I can cry and I can love. I can write a 10 page essay about both of them, and why I love them. And because of that, I'll manage. Had I not discovered BT, I would still be stuck in a numb state of mind. But now, I'm sad. And for the first time, I have also felt happiness.

During the recent streams, I felt something really intense. A really intense gratitude. I never cry in front of my family, but that day, I cried to my sister that I am really greatful to have met BT, and that I miss my dear Acchan and mom deeply. Well, I think one could find me weird for this, but she understood me and said she was glad that I met someone like them ahahaha.

I met the people in my life that made me want to live, that made me want to love. That made me want. Anything at all. That made me want to continue, even with an aching heart. Because even an aching heart is a sign that it is alive, that it's beating.

Honestly now, today is a great day. Because I'm able to both remember my mom and Atsushi, with deep love.

Honestly, it's ironic, because when my mom was alive, she always wanted to be in a band, to sing, and to make music. Life was just unfair to her. So since Acchan's passing, and since I started feeling my mom's lingering presence again, I've been learning how to make music. I've been learning how to sing and play the guitar. It's a tough thing, but it's what's keeping me alive right now ahahah.I think Atsushi and my mom will both be kept alive as long as I do music. I do not know how and what this will end up like, but one things for sure, I am passionate. I am passionate to keep the legacy of my mom and Atsushi alive. If I can do that through music, I want to do it. Even as a hobby, but I want to sing for both of them.

One thing I regret is not being able to show BT to her ahaha. Well, by now I'm sure she has heard Atsushi sing ahaah. But nevertheless, I'm sure she would have loved BT. She loved music like their stuff. 🤍

So yes today, there are 2 birthdays and 2 people I remember. But it's a great day,because I remember. 🤍🤍

There’s one more thing I want to mention. So I went to her grave with my dad and sister today. We bought flowers, I bought a rose and some flamboyant flowers, that Acchan likes so much. My dad mentioned how he is feeling like mom is signalling him that it's okay for him to be happy!! That he doesn't have to be consumed by grief, and he can start to live again. He said "mom is angry at me and keeps telling me to leave her some space hahah". And honesty ah. Well I'm just beginning to grieve, but to see my dad slowly gain his spark back is great. Our relationship is pretty distanced since everything that happened, but I still wish him the best.

Well for now, I need Acchan and mom ahaa. I'm sorry I can't let you go yet, I need you.But I hope when I'm able to stand on my own legs without help, and you can sense I'm doing fine alone too, you will both signal me to leave you some space ahahha.

I love both of you, forever. I will write poetry for you and buy flowers. My heart will be filled with warmth when I think of you both. Thanks to you, I was born. And hopefully, I continue to live, with passion and love 🤍🤍🤍

Dear dear Acchan and mommy, I miss you so so much and I'm so happy to have known you both, you will be kept alive by me, as long as you wish to be 🤍🤍🤍

🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

The night I met you

Was the night I was born

We're rapt in dreaming space

In the Milky Way

[dcartcorner]

I love your Elsewhere AU! <3 also the speed at which you're posting them is just amazing, I can't believe we get a new one almost every day <3

is Jon the Eye Cryptid sad / remorseful in the latest one? It feels like they might be regretting that the kids are getting traumatized by evil books :(

thank you so much! ahah i just really enjoy making art and currently am out of a job so have just. had a lot of time to produce it! honestly probably going to have to take a break soon to let my wrist rest up nice and proper ^^;

you'd be right! those eyes are a very big concerned! (is it their fault? surely not, but... did they bring the fears with them? the town was doing just fine... could they have done anything to stop it... should they have been more careful, more watchful...)