#i really have to learn how to save colorings bc dear god

[hooned]

heeseung & jungwon ✧.* R U Next

[jilytho]

Fake Laughs and French Fish

"You laughed in a restaurant but you have a really ugly laugh so I thought you were choking" au. The opposite of a meet cute bc James is an idiot. idk what this is but Happy Jilytober!

Read below or on AO3 or FFNT

It was James’s least favorite kind of restaurant. The kind of place where sure, the food is good, but the portion is barely big enough for a snack and the music was too soft and the tablecloths were too stiff and there were too many types of forks that he didn’t know which was meant for salad and which was for stabbing into his thigh. 

All places should have prices on the menu, smarmy little French places were not an exception. But Peter’s birthday had been last week and James had missed the party to deal with a work emergency so he owed him dinner at Peter’s choice of restaurant. And of course, Peter had to pick the most pretentious place in the city. 

Sirius and Remus were there as well, of course, they could hardly go anywhere without them. It was exactly the kind of place Sirius grew up in, and although he had gotten very comfortable with fast food since he was exiled by his family, he still seemed to fit in perfectly at this kind of place. 

As much as James loathed the whole joint, he grudgingly admitted it was worth the hefty bill to watch Peter’s whole face alight with joy as they sat down. His head was on a swivel, swooshing from side to side, tittering with excitement. 

Just as the young waiter brought their appetizers over, a mushroom risotto and salmon tartare, Remus was in the middle of thanking him and requesting more water when a large man at the table behind them snapping his fingers, head turned to look at the waiter. “Well, that’s just rude,” Remus murmured under his breath. James and the waiter both watched to see a large beefy man glaring over at them, beckoning the waiter with two fingers in a way that made James’s skin crawl. He was sitting with two women, James could see the whole table quite easily when looking past Remus’s right earlobe. The woman on Whale Man’s right looked like she was being choked out by her string of pearls, lips pursed, a nose slightly too sharp for her face, and what appeared to be a stick up her ass considering the daggers she was shooting between the other woman at the table and the waiter. His eyes found the second woman, the one being subjected to Miss. Bony Lady’s eye daggers and was shocked he hadn’t noticed her the second she sat down. That hair was not something that should ever go unnoticed by anyone. 

He couldn’t even see her face, as she was hiding it between her hands, and glaring down at the table, but he found himself craning his neck, trying to get a glimpse. There were waves of hostility trolling off of her and every element of her body language seemed to be screaming “DO NOT ENGAGE” . Her hair was forming a wall of fire, curtaining around her face, protecting her from the angry glares of her dinner mates. As the waiter walked over to their table, after nodding politely at Remus, he watched her emerge from her hands to grimace up at him apologetically.

He couldn’t hear what the whale man was saying, and subconsciously heard Peter start to tell some story about work and dish out portions of their appetizer, but he couldn’t pull his eyes back yet. The girl was flushed and glaring at the bony woman, saying something hushed but clearly angry. Her nose was scrunched up, nostrils flared and as angry as she looked he started to wonder if she’d giggle if he booped her nose, all scrunched up like that. Started cringing at himself for thinking about something as ridiculous as that. 

From his distance, he couldn’t make out the color of her eyes, just that they were bright and sparkling and even from ten feet away he could feel the passion and emotion coming off her. 

When the waiter had finally left, dismissed with an angry wave of Whale Man’s hand, he watched the red head roll her eyes, and twist her neck like cracking it would release the anger built up in her. He wondered how creepy she would find him if he offered to massage the shoulder for her, maybe there was some chiropractor-esque or glowstick pickup line he could use to impress her. Cheesy lines had never done him good in the past but she looked like she could use a laugh, maybe she’d think it was funn-

“Right, James?” James tore his eyes away from the girl to find all his friends staring at him, looking for his agreement on something James had not heard a single syllable of. 

“Erm, yeah, right. Of course,” he nodded strongly, reaching for his water to gulp down and give himself a chance to calm the flush slowly rising up his neck. 

Peter looked pointedly towards Remus, “See I told you, Lupin.”

As James busied himself with pushing risotto onto his spoon- the smallest spoon closest to him, was that meant for desert?- he carefully ignored Remus’s eyes on him, silently watching James and nodding to Peter. 

“Mhm, Pete. Looks like I was mistaken.” 

The rest of the course went by smoothly, James kept his eyes off of the Magical Mystery Woman as best he could, forcefully making himself enthusiastically engaged in Sirius’s discussion of the lineup of next week's game. He was in the middle of making an argument for why Johnson should start as center, not Malinsky when he got stopped mid sentence by Whale Man clearing his throat loud enough for half the bloody restaurant to hear and his entire argument went to shit. 

Honestly, who did this bloke think he is, the bloody Prime Minister? Mystery Woman was too perfect to be putting up with this. Why would she go out in public with this oaf? Was he her brother? She seemed perfect but having him as a brother-in-law would really put a damper on the future marital bliss. She was gripping her knife so tightly it had to hurt, maybe he should offer up his own hand to squeeze instead, that’d be less painful he was sure. No. No, that was weird. He shook himself again and wrenched his eyes back to Sirius and resumed his argument.

They were just getting ready to clear their plates and ask for the desert woman when it happened. Mystery Woman’s table was still on their main course, she had ordered the fish, exactly the same meal James had eaten. Was that a sign of compatibility or what? If anyone had asked him later he would have sworn he was paying full and complete attention to Remus’s story of Dale from accounting messing up again but he was somehow also subconsciously completely and totally aware of every single one of Mystery Woman’s movements because he just knew she had just placed a delicate bite of fish on her fork and was chewing lightly when she let out this hacking, squawking, horrific noise. 

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god she is choking. My dream girl is choking and is going to choke on fish and DIE before I even learn her name. If she dies before I know her name I won’t even know what funeral to go to and how to mourn her properly and how would I even introduce myself at that funeral, ‘Hi, I stalked this girl from ten feet away and fell in love and will now live the rest of my life single and alone.”

If anyone were to have asked, he was positive he was still sitting at the table, nodding along with Remus. Somehow, without his conscious noticing, he had thrown back his chair and jumped to his feet, sending his chair falling backwards, narrowly missing a passing waitress. He practically leaped across the empty space, flown to behind her chair, gripped her shoulder tightly, and began to slam his hand against her back. 

“Ma’am, miss, oh my god are you alright? Can you breathe? Can you hear me, miss, oh my god WE NEED AN AMBULANCE, breathe ma’am breathe!” James yelled at her, pounding against her back, mentally preparing to perform the heimlich maneuver, he had never learned it properly but he saw it on a crime show once and it worked there maybe it would work now? He was really regretting not taking that First Aid class with Remus when she suddenly yanked herself out of his grip, leaping to her own feet and spinning around to face him, red hair flying into his mouth as she turned. 

Green. Her eyes were green. Green and bright and shining and gorgeous, oh my god she really can’t die now. 

“Oh my god, are you alright??” He reached out again to grip her shoulders tightly, had him slamming on her back dislodged the fish? Would she live? Was he a hero? 

“I will be when you explain why you just hit me repeatedly.” She crossed her arms over her chest, seemingly cross. 

His eyes widened and he looked around for someone else to agree and call him a life saving hero. Whale Man and Bony Lady looked bewildered, like he had just suddenly sprouted into a fish, instead of saving their dinner mates life.  All across the surrounding tables, he was met with concerned stares and the mortifying sinking feeling that he had completely misread the situation. 

“I- um. I saved you! You were choking! I saved you….. Right?” He dropped his hands from her shoulders, one immediately going to fix itself in his hair, face burning bright red. 

“I wasn’t choking, why did you think I was choking? Are you a doctor?”

He could hear Sirius laughing now. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. “No, just erm- a concerned citizen? Trying to ah, do my civic duty, preventing fish related deaths, I- erm- I’m sorry I really thought you were choking you made like a hacking sound I thought you were dying, I really just wanted to help” he tugged on his hair, averting his eyes to the floor. Not only did he ruin his chance of getting Mystery Woman to fall in love with him but now he has basically assaulted her, dear God he is never going to live this down. 

“That was a laugh.”

His eyes shot up to meet hers, “A what?”

“A laugh. I was laughing.”

“That was not a laugh. That was a deadly sound. Nobody in the world has a laugh that horrible.”

“Hitting me AND insulting me now, wow this is really my lucky day.” 

James’s jaw dropped. He couldn’t even wrap his brain around the fact that he had just insulted her laugh just that this seemingly magnificent girl laughed like THAT. He couldn’t help the little chuckle that escaped him. 

“Thats your real laugh? Oh my god I’m so sorry.” 

“Sorry for insulting me or sorry that that's what my laugh sounds like?”

“Erm… both?” 

She giggled then as well, light and small, and very, very different from the choking sound he heard earlier. 

“See!” He pointed at her accusingly, “now that’s a laugh! That sound before was a dying bird and I won’t have you tell me otherwise.”

“Well,” her eyebrows lowered and she leaned in a little conspiratorially, whispering her next words, “the joke wasn’t actually very funny. I suppose my fake laugh may need a little more work before I attempt to use it so publicly again.” 

The two shared a grin and wow was he screwed. 

“You know,” he leaned in again, “I’ve been told all my laughs are top notch, fake and real, and if you were every interested in some tutoring, I suppose I could-”

“Ahem,” Whale Man cleared his throat again, “If you’re done disrupting our evening, I would very much like to return to my meal.” An apology on the tip of James’s tongue when he was cut off by Whale Man continuing to blabber, “Honestly, the heathens they allow to enter this establishment. Absolutely zero respect. Didn’t anyone ever teach you manners? Of course you attract this sort” The last words were directed to Mystery Woman and all the desire to apologize to Whale Man disappeared immediately. It wasn’t her fault he was an idiot who started hitting her. 

He was prepared to say just that, and apologize to Mystery Woman, when she cut him off herself.

“Now you listen here, Vernon-” Mystery Woman began, red anger creeping up her neck.

“Lily, honestly,” Bony Lady cut in, “Just sit down and let's finish our meal and go, you’ve made enough of a scene.” Bony Lady’s tone was low, but sharp and cutting and seemed to send a shiver down Mystery Woman’s - or was it Lily?- spine. 

He had a feeling she would have kept going, but also had a burning desire to run from Bone Lady’s eyes. It felt like they were piercing straight through him. 

“I’m sorry,” he started loudly, one hand back in his hair, eyes quickly finding those incredible green ones, “I’m truly sorry for interrupting your meal and um hitting you and insulting you. Truthfully, you’re just spectacularly gorgeous and I thought you were choking and kind of lost my head a bit, I suppose,” his eyes averted quickly at that admission, missing the way hers started to fill with mirth and eyebrows began to creep up. “I’ll leave you to your meal.” 

He turned on his heel and returned back to his table, picking his chair off the ground and sitting, adamantly avoiding eye contact with his friends. He felt her eyes burning into his neck and stared determinedly down at his fork. 

“So you’ve gone crazy,” Sirius states, matter of factly with a shit eating grin, “that’s fun.”

“I thought she was choking,” he murmured under his breath. 

“What was that, James? Couldn’t quite hear you. Speak up now or one of us will have to beat it out of you.” Peter could barely finish his sentence before him and Sirius began to guffaw obnoxiously.  Even Remus was chuckling. 

James groaned and covered his eyes with his hands. “Can we please just go, I will pay double if they bring the check right now.”

“Oh Jamie dear, why the rush?” Sirius tutted, “We ordered desert while you were busy saving lives! We wouldn’t dream of leaving before Pete gets his birthday desert!” 

Muttering “tossers” under his breath, James set his jaw and raised his eyes to meet his friends, and not to look past Remus’s ear to Mystery Woman again. 

By the time desert had arrived, James had been properly roasted by his mates about twelve times over and they had slowly moved onto other topics, all being other times James made a fool of himself in public. Sirius had just left for the restroom leaving Peter with the task of making James’s life hell.

Peter was just getting into the climax of his own personal favorite James humiliation tale, the Koi Pond Incident of ‘09, when James’s bite of tiramisu was interrupted by a light slapping against his back. 

He spluttered and coughed grossly, ready to whip around and smack Sirius, assuming it was him, when he felt hot breath on his ear and a flash of red in his peripheral and completely froze.

“You alright there? Wouldn’t want you to choke. Just being a concerned citizen and all.” She murmured into his ear, teeth centimeters away from nipping it.

He turned to face her, gaping at her sudden closeness to find her smirking face mere inches away from his own. 

“Thanks for that,” he croaked. 

“Of course, always on the lookout. Doing my civic duty,” she winked. She winked. What the hell did that mean, oh my god, this woman would be the death of him. 

“Here,” she pressed a slip of paper into his hand. “Just in case you want to stop me from choking at dinner another night too.” And then she winked again, spun on her heel, red hair whipping him in the face and left with another tinkling laugh. James stared dumbly down at the numbers on the paper, memorizing them immediately.

“Holy fuck, James. What was that?” Pete stared at James’s dumbfounded face. Sirius chuckled lightly from behind him, apparently having returned in time to watch the entire exchange. 

“That, my friend,” Sirius clapped a hand down harshly onto James’s shoulder, “may have just been the future Mrs. Potter.”

[easily-infatuated23]

The Mark of the Angel Part Two: Emergence

Part One

a/n: i’m totally creating my own lore so sorry about that lol also this is in third person now bc it felt better to write so sorry for the grammar change from part one

pairing: 11th Doctor x Reader Angel OC x Amy and Rory

word count: 1.6k

warnings: none

summary: The Doctor is ecstatic to have found the Angel but, have they always known each other? 

The group of friends stared in amazement, but for different reasons. Amy and Rory couldn’t believe the transformation that had occurred right in front of them. This seemingly ordinary girl had suddenly levitated and her skin glowed a brilliant orange color. Now, she still looked slightly ordinary but her aura and attitude had changed completely. The Doctor, on the other hand, was amazed at the discovery of the creature that stood before him. As a boy, he had been told many stories about the Angel. Some came from his family which described a noble being that had saved and practically created the Time Lords, others came from his mates at the academy who told stories of a terrifying creature who would steal your soul. He buzzed with excitement. Even as his hundreds of years of life had passed, he never found a story that rang true or made sense. Now he could know. This is why the TARDIS had brought him here, to learn the secretes of this legendary creature.

Even though thoughts raced wildly through each of the friends heads, none seemed to be able to speak. The Angel surveyed her surroundings. “You know I actually quite fancied this little flat, it might’ve been fun to stick around a bit longer but no matter, there are things to be done”. She looked directly at the Doctor who realized that he was, for the first time in his life, truly at a loss for words. “Doctor, it is very good to see you again, and…. I forgive you”. Amy and Rory turned their heads sharply toward the Doctor, awaiting an explanation. But, none came. Amy grew impatient. “I thought you said you had never met or even seen the Angel before” Amy said, somewhat accusingly. The Doctor barely heard her voice, a darkness swimming in his head as he knew exactly why the Angel said she forgave him. “I suppose there is no harm in sharing now” the Angel began, looking at Amy. “A long time ago I decided I wanted to watch over the Time Lords more closely. That would be easier to do from the inside, not from above. I am very gifted in changing my form, you see, so I would cycle through a new form every couple hundred years or so. Living the life of a Time Lord on Gallifrey, never revealing my true identity. The Doctor and I were friends for a very long time but he still hasn’t figured out who I was then, have you Doctor?” the Angel said, her gaze fixed on the man who was adjusting his bowtie nervously.

His eyes darted from side to side, scanning his brain for all of the faces and names of his friends on Gallifrey, before it was lost. “I will give you a clue” the Angel said. The Doctor looked up at her. She held up her hand, it was balled into a fist with only her pinky finger sticking straight up. “Do you trust me?” she asked. He was stunned and confused. The Doctor had lived for so long that sometimes he was convinced that some things from his childhood were made up. This being one of those things. A memory flashed into his mind of himself as a boy, running around and playing with a little girl. The two would go on “adventures” together. Whenever one of them was hesitant to do something, they would hold up their pinkies and ask the question. He knew the words he had to say next. He stepped forward and interlaced his pinky with hers. “To the ends of the universe” he replied. Another gust of wind blew through the room. This time, the Angel’s appearance changed completely. She looked as if she had become a few years younger, looking more like a teenager now. Her long blonde hair replaced by short curly red hair with light brown freckles peppering her face. Her eyes glowed a fantastic green. She was now wearing red robes instead of the jeans and t-shirt she had previously donned.

“Cora?” the Doctor asked. The Angel smiled and nodded. “Yes. It has been a very long time my friend” she replied in a smooth voice. The Doctor felt his eyes welling up with tears as he pulled the girl into the tightest hug he could manage. Amy and Rory, feeling very left out, simply stood there. Unsure if they should wait in the TARDIS for this odd reunion to conclude or remain standing and watching. “We should probably leave them alone for a minute” Rory said as he opened the doors to the TARDIS. He pulled Amy inside and shut the doors.

The Doctor released her from the hug. He cupped her face. “I thought you were lost or even dead. What happened?” He said, somewhat breathlessly. “There will be plenty of time for you to get the answers you desire but for now, we have more pressing matters” the Angel said. She shook her head back and the physical appearance of ‘Cora’ disappeared and she returned to the form the Doctor had found her in. He tried to hide the awe struck expression on his face but he was unsuccessful. “I like my form as Cora, but I figure this is less distracting for the moment” she said. He nodded. She walked past him and, snapping her fingers, opened the door to the TARDIS. Amy and Rory looked up, expecting to see the Doctor entering. “Can she really do that? I thought only he could” Rory whispered to Amy. She shrugged. As much as she loved Rory, and she really really really loved Rory, she couldn’t help but feel a little jealous toward the Angel. Amy had always felt like the Doctor’s special girl, and she wasn’t keen on the idea of sharing that.

The Angel entered the TARDIS and took a deep breath. She traced her hand on the center console. “Hello darling” she said. Amy and Rory looked at each other again. The only person they had seen act like that toward the TARDIS was the Doctor, who at this point looked like he was going to jump out of his skin with excitement. “Is the story about the TARDIS and you true?” he asked, walking closer to the Angel. She chuckled. “Yes, I did give some of my body to create the first TARDIS. After that, they grew all on their own but they are all connected back to me in some way.” The Doctor smiled, his hands on the brink of waving wildly.

“So, how did you find me after all this time? I know you have been on and off of Earth for a long time now. What took so long?” she asked. “Yes, well, I punched in that the TARDIS should take us somewhere I have always wanted to go but never knew I wanted.” “Interesting” the Angel said. “Seeking an unknown destination can be quite dangerous. You two are aware of those risks aren’t you?” She looked up at Amy and Rory. “Oh yeah, we’re aware” Rory said. “Once, the Doctor took us to Venice for a ‘date’ and we ended up having to defeat vampire fish from space” Amy added. The Angel turned to the Doctor. “I like these two” she said. Amy smiled, she was beginning to warm up to the Angel.

“Would you mind if I held your hands for a moment” the Angel said. She walked over to Amy and Rory and held her hands out. They each placed one of their hands into hers. The Angel closed her eyes, her head moving slightly from side to side, as if she was viewing something only she could see, and it was in fast motion. The Doctor moved in, eyes widening. “Doctor what’s she doing?” Amy asked. He walked closer the Angel then pulled out a magnifying glass. He surveyed the Angel’s face and then followed the line of her neck, down to her shoulder, and all the way down her arm. He focused on the top of Amy’s hand then ducked underneath to look at the top of the Angel’s hand. As he did this Amy gasped. The Doctor popped back up and saw what caused Amy to gasp. On the top of her and Rory’s hands was a small spiraling shape resembling a drawing of a sun. The design was glowing with the same hue as the Angel’s regeneration light. The shape was constantly spiraling, never remaining static. “Oh!” the Doctor said slapping his forehead. “She’s gathering all the information she needs about you and the world and the universe through your life experiences. Past, present, and future! This is incredible!” As the Doctor finished speaking, the spirals transformed into the shape of a pair of wings flying before the light poofed in a small cloud of smoke and disappeared from their hands.

“Thank you for that” the Angel said, letting go and opening her eyes. She fixed her gaze on Amy. A small tear dropped from the Angel’s eye as she took a step closer to Amy. “You my dear, are going to have some wonderful adventures.” There was a small awkward silence before the Angel stepped back and looked at the Doctor. “Now, we have an issue to discuss. When I escaped from Gallifrey, an echo went across the universe exposing my actual existence. I came to Earth and became human to avoid detection. I have a feeling that now the echo just repeated itself” “Is that a bad thing?” Amy asked. The Doctor’s face was suddenly pale. He looked at Amy. “We’ve just told the universe that there is an actual god on Earth…” “And people will want me for themselves and to use my powers the way the Time Lords could…” the Angel added. Rory rubbed his face anxiously. “Basically, the biggest bounty in the universe just became active, and people will be coming to collect” the Angel said. This was going to be trouble.

[superbonbon]

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”

Several anons’ boldly ignorant questioning of the motivation--or lack thereof--for creators to create during A PANDEMIC has me bristling and ready to hop on my soapbox. Instead, I’m running defense for these fantastic folks whose work, however frequently published, has kept me grounded during COVID’s oppressive reign.

I have no idea what I’m doing here. I’ve never published a fic, and haven’t read one since Vampire Diaries was first a thing. But what to do when ur a mom stuck at home with a preschooler, navigating pandemic life and some of the not-so-ideal realities that come along with it?

Coming off of D+ releasing The Mandalorian and the most recent trilogy, I rediscovered a love for these stories, the expanded universe and the fandom--WOW!! What’s been so surprising and invigorating for me about this latent discovery is the myriad ways this franchise has given people the capacity to dream, and to create; to obsess. I mean, I just came here to browse the blogs for Daddy!Mando content and ended up sticking around for the stunning range of Star Wars smut fan works and discussion.

For better or for worse, my soul is forever altered --or, at least my thirst is. And here before you is my fumbling attempt to pay fealty to those who have truly captured my heart. This will either be great and earn me some frenz or make me a pariah, but I can’t sit idly by while some dum-dums say dum-dum things anonymously about folks who choose to share their writing online. 

In no particular order, here is a list of writers I’ve been stalking on the Tmblrs. This list is by no means exhaustive, and I’m still learning how to use/navigate the app. Also..there are SO MANY more amazing writers here and on other platforms (shoutout AO3). I’m just old and tired and I have trouble keeping  things organized these days.

Without further ado, I present my dissertation.

@plexflexico​ - for thrilling action infused with exciting sci-fi elements and grade A+++ smut, but alongside such achingly tender, human moments. I thank you kindly for such robust content across the board. These stories are a balm for my soul and give me tummy butterflies. ***Saving the latest installment of Bad Batch so I can actually get some sleep tonight.

@no-droids - for capturing and exploring the idea of desire so exquisitely while also carrying out a compelling narrative that moves the story forward and keeps us pining for more. Ugh I just want to cry with this. Rough Day, gahhh!!! But also, every other work in your published canon, let’s be honest. This is Next Level. ***Not touching this Poe fic yet bc see above.

Fucking @concussed-to-pieces . I scream! I cry! I turn into a puddle and slide onto the floor. Also, kudos for accomplishing the kind of crossover so seamless (Of Gorgons and Gardens, I’m lookin at you) I’m left to wonder how these characters ever made it without each other. I’m shook. So appreciative for the P3dro content, but almost convinced I need to get into wrestling so I can indulge in the rest.

@stubbychaos​ - I am fully invested in Saviin’ika and the health and well-being of these characters. I will follow them until they find true happiness together (and let’s be honest, even if they don’t bc I’m here 100% for this torturous angst). Dear God, make it stop. But don’t stop, seriously. And even if you think it’s too long. It’s not. The meandering pace really serves what is often the true nature of human interaction. 

@leo-moon​ - I will always revisit your Masterlist; so much so that my kid accidentally hearted it bc it’s probably always open in my phone. But I won’t consider it an accident because the Migraine series is a real treat. Yes, like a headache, I am longing for a release from the tension we’ve been left suspended in, but the readers will be here if/when you continue it. And even if you don’t, it’s fiction, and it’s beautiful, and I’m grateful for what we’ve gotten so far.

@jangofctts​ - With the small snippets of Boba we actually get on screen, I am also very grateful for the variety of Boba we get in fics, but most especially for this characterization you’ve presented in Last Favor. It’s so damn perfect how you ride that oft-attempted line of dubious consent that so few writers can achieve successfully. I’m dyin for someone to call me “rabbit”. Also, I always come back to your Poe fics. Short and sweet. Like Poe.

@bobafvtt​​ - See above re Boba content. And to expound on this, Fuck--I’m so broken up for reader and Boba in Warmest Color that they’re just so damaged with this relationship. But man, the fleeting moments where they figure it out - that dynamic is so tender and lovely. I live for those moments.

@magichandthing​ - Thank you for inspiring a dream AU in clan leader!Mando. This is an idea I can most definitely get behind. And in. And on. And not to blow up your spot or anything, but the Mando sando is a pretty nifty idea as well.

And on the subject of sandwiches, I can’t thank @beskars​ enough for the maul x reader x savage fic that really made me feel some type of way.

@primarybufferpanel​​ - fuuuuuck. When you write that capital “S” Soft, I melt. My stomach churns. Didn’t know I needed a soft Maul in my life quite like this, but damn, run me over with that shit. Huge props, too for OFCs that are believable and badass.

@huliabitch​ - I think your one-shots were some of the first “good good” Mando content I came across. Now you’ve got me sweating and pining for CL!Mando with Unheavenly Creatures. So much so, I think I need to find myself a thigh chain. Feelin’ this developing romance in a beautifully-imagined setting, feelin’ Shayr’la, and feelin’ myself. I thank you.

@aunty-ren - one more for the clan leader - The Offer is going places that I’m very excited about. This is worldbuilding, folks!

Again - this is my opinion, which is probably worth fuckall, so this is slightly less of a fic rec list and more a huge THANK YOU. Still so much out there for me to process. I haven’t even embarked on the Javi train, but I’m so very open to recommendations there and elsewhere. 

I’m mostly just stoked to be here!!

[rouge-the-bat]

OOPS I HAD STARTED THIS THEN SAVED AS A DRAFT TO FINISH LATER BUT THEN FORGOT SO ITS. BEEN A BIT SINCE I WAS ACTUALLY TAGGED FOR THIS LMAO

ANYWAYS i was tagged by @skayforrest :'33

Rules: Please make your own text post when answering these to avoid long posts. Highlight/bold what applies to you!

for me to make it easier for me to read im going for:

bold: definitely me :3

italics: kinda me!

strikethrough: not me at All

(subscript parenthesis): my comments! (bc im very rambly lol)

also changing // between different phrases to ♡♡ to make it easier for me to distinguish between phrases too owo

♡  Appearance ♡

I am over 5’5 ♡♡ I wear glasses/contacts ♡♡ I have blonde hair ♡♡ I prefer loose clothing over tight clothing ♡♡ I have one or more piercings (my ears!) ♡♡ I have at least one tattoo (i want to get one of a drawing ive made soon tho!) ♡♡ I have blue eyes ♡♡ I have dyed or highlighted my hair (its p much back to normal now tho- and i want to dye it pink someday) ♡♡ I have gotten plastic surgery ♡♡ I have or had braces ♡♡ I sunburn easily ♡♡ I have freckles ♡♡ I paint my nails (not super often but i have fun doing it occasionally owo!) ♡♡ I typically wear makeup (i rarely do and usually its just lispstick, with maybe eyshadow and/or eyeliner) ♡♡ I don’t often smile (i can be really smiley sometimes but i dont interact with others much (esp irl) so i tend to not emote a whole lot) ♡♡ I am pleased with how I look (im cute round n chubby!!) ♡♡ I prefer nike to adidas (i literally dont care) ♡♡ I wear baseball caps backwards

♡ Hobbies & Interests ♡

I play a sport (i play... wii sports and real life bowling sometimes at most :'3) ♡♡ I can play an instrument (its been a really long time but i learned clarinet from school band) ♡♡ I am artistic ♡♡ I know more than one language (id like to learn some tho, like japanese, french, and/or korean maybe?) ♡♡ I have won a trophy in some sort of competition (never a Literal trophy :O) ♡♡ I can cook or bake without a recipe ♡♡ I know how to swim ♡♡ I enjoy writing (i like to but school has made me anxious anytime i try now ;w;) ♡♡ I can do origami ♡♡ I prefer movies to tv shows ♡♡ I can execute a perfect somersault ♡♡ I enjoy singing (exclusively for singing along, i dont really ever sing on my own lol) ♡♡ I could survive in the wild on my own ♡♡ I have read a new book series this year ♡♡ I enjoy spending time with my friends (who wouldnt!! esp with my friends, theyre amazing :'3) ♡♡ I travel during school or work breaks (id like to travel more..) ♡♡ I can do a handstand

♡ Relationships ♡

I am in a relationship (my girlfriend is so wonderful 🥰) ♡♡ I have been single for over a year (been dating my gf for almost 2 full years now!) ♡♡ I have a crush (fictional crushes count right? bc i have a million of those lol) ♡♡ I have a best friend I have known for ten years ♡♡ My parents are together ♡♡ I have hooked up with my best friend (thats meaning sexual right? bc im sex repulsed and so is my gf whos my best friend so, absolutely not lol) ♡♡ I am adopted ♡♡ My crush has confessed to me (im p much always the first to confess lol) ♡♡ I have had a long-distance relationship (hopefully someday tho it wont be long distance :'3) ♡♡ I am an only child (dear god no i have. 1 full brother, 3 half brothers, 1 half sister, and 2 or 3 step brothers gjkxjfk) ♡♡ I give advice to my friends (im not the best with advice but i try when i can!!) ♡♡ I have made an online friend (all of my current friends are online!) ♡♡ I met up with someone I have met online (GOD I WISH)

♡ Aesthetics ♡

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell ♡♡ I have watched the sunrise (many times, after being awake all night bc im p mych nocturnal lol) ♡♡ I enjoy rainy days (god i love rain so much) ♡♡ I have slept under the stars (iirc im p sure ive slept in a tent for going camping before ??? but my memory sucks so im not sure if that happened or i just always wanted to gjkdjg) ♡♡ I meditate outside (maybe i should try that sometime..) ♡♡ The sound of chirping calms me ♡♡ I enjoy the smell of the beach (ive been to a beach just a couple times.. i dont remember what it smelled like) ♡♡ I know what snow tastes like (i eat snow EVERY time it snows here, esp to make snow cream) ♡♡ I listen to music to fall asleep (on occasion! always instrumental stuff, sometimes meant for relaxing or sometimes just a comfort song from a game i love) ♡♡ I enjoy thunderstorms ♡♡ I enjoy cloud watching ♡♡ I have attended a bonfire ♡♡ I pay close attention to colors (ofc ! i love colors and graphic design is my passion- but like Actually, im not quoting the meme lol) ♡♡ I find mystery in the ocean ♡♡ I enjoy hiking on nature paths (would REALLY need to be in the mood for it) ♡♡ Autumn is my favourite season (close ! i love the chilly air and aesthetic of autumn as well, but winter is my ultimate comfort season <3)

♡ Miscellaneous ♡

I can fall asleep in moving vehicles ♡♡ I am the mom friend (mom friend mode can activate on Occasion, but usually im silly bastard friend) ♡♡ I am involved in extracurricular activities (im not in school) ♡♡ I enjoy mexican food ♡♡ I can drive a stick-shift (i still havent learned how to drive yet owo;;) ♡♡ I believe in true love (probably not in a typical sense?) ♡♡ I make up scenarios to fall asleep (oh no, i make up scenarios constantly in my head throughout the day, i get way too invested in them so they usually keep me up if i think about them when trying to sleep) ♡♡ I sing in the shower ♡♡ I wish I lived in a superhero movie (i def wanna live in some fictional worlds, but superhero movies arent things im usually into) ♡♡ I have a canopy above my bed ♡♡ I am multiracial (im not super familiar with my ancestry rn, so idk. would like to know sometime tho) ♡♡ I am a redhead ♡♡ I own at least 3 dogs/cats (rn i have 2 dogs and 3 cats!)

and uhhh ill tag @spiiderbiites @miphelda @kipokin @queerplyke @ameila if yall wanna do it :3? (if yalld like i can go thru n supply a version of this without all of my font edits and comments!) AH WHOOPS I GOT A URL MESSED UP BUT XENOLEAF U CAN DO TOO IF U WANT

[edengarden]

I don't want to bother you but I was wondering if I can get a BNHA Class matchup thing? 👉👈

(Just needed a bit of inspiration and since you inspire me-)

I'm a straight female, 5ft and 110lbs. I have short black hair and dark brown eyes. I'm slight on the chubby side as well. I'm in between pale and light brown skinned. I'm a pure Filipino and I have prescription glasses. I've often been called a "soft girl" but I really don't have a certain styles. My clothes are often t-shirts, off-shoulders, (of multiple color and style) and any type jeans. Hoodies and jackets are a must in winter season.

I'm often described as a chaotic motherly type of person. I love to tease others but it's not often. I can be loud and obnoxious at times but I prefer to stay quiet. I can also be such a flirt if I wanted too but I only reserve those skills when needed. My patience is very long and I don't get annoyed easily. Affection and words are my love language. I tend to get just a tad bit grumpy when I don't get affection. I'm a really observant person, so I'm able to pick up emotional cues, habits, and body language. I use that to check on people I care about. I try to act tough and strong so I would be a role model, since I'm the oldest child. I also tend to suppress my emotions and even fake them just so no one would be burden of me. I do share them if I trust you enough. I can also be really insecure about my abilities and looks.

I usually listen to pop or ballad but I like almostvall types of music. Songs like IDK you yet by Alexander23 or This is gospel by Panic at the disco are some of my favorite. My star sign is Cancer but I don't really believe it but I love learning about it. I'm an INFP-T (The dreamer) and my Hogwarts house is Ravenclaw! I love learning and doing new things. Science is my favorite subject, specifically Biology/Zoology. I sing and write stories as a hobby.

Thanks Lovely~ 💕💕

SKSKSKS I INSPIRE YOU???

Not me crying

Anyhow! I feel like compared to 1-B, 1-A doesn’thave nearly enough Motherly types so off you go!

Please, you’re like a semi-anti-Momo. I’d love to see that. The class NEEDS you y’all have too many gremlins aboard. Also Sero can’t deal with the Bakusquad alone please infiltrate that and get them some HELP Kaminari’s gonna die soon I swear they’re too chaotic and they won’t listen unless you’re chaotic too, so you’re perfect for the job.

Lowkey you’ve been assigned the position of Bakusquad Babysitter, but you actually enjoy their company. And they love you too! And even though they never say it out loud they’re glad to have you with them so that no one actually dies.

However, 1-A cares very deeply for the members of their class and if they see that you’re neglecting yourself for the sake of others dear lord hang on because you’ll have a bunch of hero-wannabe teenagers offering you ALL SORTS of gifts for emotional validation. Some of them promise you that they’re here for you and they won’t let you put yourself down for their sake again while others just buy you expensive stuff they knew you liked with their Dad’s Stolen Credit Card (I’m not mentioning any names in particular todoroki). And they’re just such a good group?? Ready to evolve and change for the better?? So like later on in your second or third year you’re not even considered a babysitter or anything anymore, everyone became somewhat independent thanks to you, and Momo and Shouji but everyone always recalls everything you did for them and they’re gonna be grateful forever, shit almost gets annoying by the time you graduate

Kaminari: hey remember when you had to carve out the toilet in the dorms because Bakugou got his ankle stuck in it

You: oh my god shut up dude he’s getting his diploma right now do you WANT a genocide??

NOT TO MENTION MY MATCHUP WITH YOU AND MIRIO IS STILL HELLA VALID?? Ppl are so shocked bc how did a first year start going out with someone two years older so quickly?? And y’all are like “👁👄👁 we’ve known each other since elementary?? You know school starts before high school right-“ SKSKSK MIRIO KNOWS ALL THE BEEF AND EVENTS THAT WENT DOWN IN YOUR CLASS so when he like randomly crosses someone like Kirishima in the hallway he’s like “yoo you’re the guy who accidentally cut open Alien Girl’s chin with your quirk last Sunday!!” And poor boy feels so out of place bc HOW DID HE KNOW WTF-

You send every shenanigan to him via messages. He saves them all because they’re so funny to him

[fistsoflightning]

@to-the-voiceless​ i goofed when i reblogged the thingy lol here’s your ask!

i got some dark knight vibes from this one, and my hc is that eight people share one (1) soulstone bc drk story is everyone’s story at this point (imagine, if you will, 18 billion frays to accompany 18 billion different warriors of light. that is how the flood of darkness began LOL)

Feo Ul has been searching for their favorite sapling’s book for forever now and still it is nowhere to be seen! They’ve searched under blankets, behind hanging robes, above dusty tomes, inside crusty bags, and still nothing!

“Where in the world could it be?!” They stomp at the air angrily, eyes following to look down at the desk Feo Ul hovers above—in case they were to fall from the lack of aether here in “Mor Dhona”. Who names their lands such a thing with no meaning, anyways?

Then a glint of a sapphire shard catches Feo Ul’s eye;  maybe the desk is Zaya’s? And if that was their sapling’s desk…

Feo Ul lowers to the table, eyes flicking across the messy, messy desk, and lands upon a stack of whetstones, kneeling only to have a look around without hitting the moogle lamp hanging above them.

When they catch sight of a leather string hidden behind a pile of cloth, Feo Ul jumps up, wings carrying them over quickly.

“There you are, you silly book!” Feo Ul grabs the leather cord holding it shut and flutters backwards until it pops out from behind something stone and dusty. One of those tablets that the Scions and the Exarch were obsessed over… maybe.

As Feo Ul lifts the book up into their arms the best they can, a piece of paper flies out, landing on the table. A waxy purple seal like the ones the Scions use to seal their letters for Feo Ul keeps the envelope closed—thank the stars—but it isn’t addressed to a friend or anything.

It’s addressed to ‘future me’.

————————————

A flash of sparkles and lights in front of Thancred’s eyes was not what he expected when he woke from his nap.

“Oh, Thancred!” Feo Ul seems mildly surprised, but Thancred is more surprised by the hefty book the small fairy lifts in their arms.

“Good evening to you too.” Thancred rumbles, still blinking the flashes of color from his eyes. “Were you looking for something?”

“My sapling, of course! They requested I fetch a book from home for them…” Feo Ul suddenly stops, spinning to look Thancred in the eyes. “Can our precious sapling even read?”

Thancred, for all his annoyance at pixies and not being able to sleep more, laughs. “Though you may be led to believe they can, they can’t; it’s likely a book they wanted someone to read to them. Zaya can barely write, much less read books such as… “The Tales of Four Auspices” ?”

“Then what’s this?” Feo Ul unceremoniously drops the book into Thancred’s hands, only to dive down to the book and pull out a letter. Before Thancred can respond with the smartarse answer of ‘a letter’, Feo Ul flips the envelope around to reveal the addressee.

“ ‘Future me’? And you found this with the book?”

“Yes!”

“And by the looks of that seal, you’ve opened it.”

“...Yes. I was curious, alright?!” Feo Ul angrily turns from him. “Besides, I think they already know what that letter’s trying to tell them, after all you’ve done here and now!”

Thancred lifts an eyebrow when Feo Ul turns back around, which appears to be the final straw for said pixie. “If you don’t believe me, read it for yourself! Give me that book!”

Feo Ul, almost entirely fueled by anger and spite, lifts the book with ease and dissipates back into the aether, leaving Thancred, in the middle of Slitherbough’s resting rooms, with a letter that does not belong to him and a headache. 

“Gods, I know I said I’d try to get along with the pixies, but if it isn’t damn near impossible…” Thancred glares back at the letter in his hand, purple wax seal cut open by sharp nails taunting him. He’s curious as to what ‘future me’ meant, but is it worth potentially invading Zaya’s privacy?

A tap on his right shoulder snaps him from his trance in a barely suppressed yelp. Thancred turns only to find Zaya, Y’shtola standing right behind them.

“What have you there, Thancred?” Y’shtola murmurs, eyes dim and unseeing. She’s clearly stopped her aethersight for the day, so why is she still out and about? “Zaya seemed interested when Feo Ul came with a book and purple wax.”

“A… Zaya’s letter? It could be anyone else’s, but Feo Ul…” Thancred carefully chooses his words, not wanting to receive a beating for holding an open letter meant for Zaya. “Feo Ul opened it up in curiosity.”

“A letter to ‘future me’? I do not remember writing such a thing, or writing at all.” Zaya signs, still leaning over Thancred’s shoulder. “Should we read it together?”

“But, is this not your letter? Should you not have Feo Ul read it to you?”

“I trust you enough not to make fun of what I potentially may have wrote.”

“...If you insist. Y’shtola, would you like to sit down?” Thancred carefully flips open the envelope as Zaya guides Y’shtola to sit besides him, Zaya simply moving back to his shoulder to lean over him.

“Alright, here goes…” Thancred clears his throat.

Dear future self,

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I know, I know; I agreed never to try and take control again, but something remains to be said. Something important.

Our adventures, our answers and compromises; all were made while we were alone together—and that surely sounds silly, but it is important. We—I am used to doing things alone. A choice made in face of the past to prevent more unnecessary loss; Minfilia, Haurchefant, Ysayle, Papalymo, Noraxia, Musosai, and countless others were not saved by teamwork.

Ah, but that is what we think. They made those choices to save us—all of us, and it’s brought you to the here and now, where your guilt managed to manifest as I did. Don’t worry; they’re still sleeping inside us somewhere, content with watching as I am now. We live and breathe in their memories, their bright futures turned to fumes. Their strength alone was enough to save few; it was them or us, and on those precarious scales of life, they valued us more. Bittersweet, to think they sacrificed their everything for us only for us to cling to our past.

And in the path you walk, therein lies the chance of losing more, hurting more, and so you stand still, afraid to continue on alone once we find ourselves in a situation we cannot win with our “pragmatic” thinking that we are always alone, even in eight.

What I’m trying to say here is this; not every battle must be fought alone. There are times when it will be a closer call than any, and we will be afraid to ask for help. We always have been so dearly afraid of showing weakness in that unshakeable facade of “Warrior of Light”, but there are many who would cast titles to the wayside and stand by you until the battle is won—or until the battle is lost.

We merely need to open our eyes to see we stand together with hundreds who believe more in the mortal behind the title than the title. It is not such a cold and desolate world yet that every man stands for himself; you have simply thought it that way with our long years away from the warmth of familiarity and home.

And when all those standing beside you, protecting your front and back, fall to the inevitable enemy where you must stand alone or perish, you have me. You have us. Merely ask it of us, and you shall know that there is no one that truly stands alone.

We love you more than you’ll ever know, but if you are ever unsure if you are loved, if you are worthy, if you are strong enough for the daunting task of living in spite of all the pain and misery and self-inflicted loneliness we’ve wrought; look around you, and you will finally see what I’ve wanted this entire time.

There is no signature, but Thancred brushes his thumb over the space where one should be. Gods, was this really Zaya’s writing?

Y’shtola hums in gentle curiousity. “Zaya, does this perhaps relate to the specter that helped Ryne halt the lightwarden transformation?”

“You say this to her.” Zaya signs close to Thancred’s face. If it were brighter, perhaps Thancred would be able to tell whether Zaya’s eyes were irritated or filled with tears. “It does. It would take much explanation to tell you why.”

Thancred repeats the words to Y’shtola, who merely nods.

“I would not prod, and for all the time we now have I do believe Runar wished to have us try something. We can perhaps discuss this later with the others?”

When Zaya nods, Thancred unconsciously says yes to alert Y’shtola. It’s almost a reflex now, to translate for Y’shtola and Zaya’s conversations.

The three of them get up and leave in some messy fashion as Zaya stumbles over a loose rock, nearly taking Y’shtola with them to the ground.

Behind them, the letter remains on the bedside table, and in the darkness of the sleeping room, someone whispers.

You’ve finally learned. I’m proud of us.

[lordshaxxion]

All that apply for Edix!!

oh boy this is gonna be a LOT under a cut bc tbh I’m just gonna do all of them >.>

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

“It’s better now with my dad. We hit a rough patch during the Red War after he ran away to Titan and left me practically in charge of everyone, since they recognised me as the Commander’s son and all. It wasn’t a good time for a while between us, but we got better and now we have a better understanding of one another too. My Pa? He’s long since dead, before I was resurrected too, so I don’t have a relationship with him.”

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

“..... I’m not sure. I feel awkward saying it sometimes, like it’s reserved for romantic relationships only. Though I say it to dad sometimes, and to Artie too.”

03: Do you regret anything?

“A lot. Not being able to save my Fireteam in the Hellmouth being one, not being able to save Cayde being another. Lots of things.”

04: Are you insecure?

“.... Yes. Though it’s not so bad anymore, not like it used to be at least.”

05: What is your relationship status?

“Complicated. I like Asher, but sometimes I think he just sees right through me. Though I’ve taken to actually going out into the City more at night with some friends. That’s led to a loooot of kissing various Guardians.”

06: How do you want to die?

“I’d prefer not to, to be honest. Though I’d like to avoid death by Hive at least. I’m not sure, I’ve never particularly thought about a final death kind of scenario.”

07: What did you last eat?

“I don’t remember.”

“You had cookies Zavala made you, because you forget to eat.”

“Oh yeah. Dad makes great cookies.”

08: Played any sports?

“Does running around Io for Asher, collecting samples and fighting Vex count?”

09: Do you bite your nails?

“Only when I’m nervous, but even then I’m more likely to just fiddle with loose threads or bounce my leg.”

10: When was your last physical fight?

“Two days ago when I needed to gather samples of Radiolaria and Phaseglass for Asher. I’m still finding bruises from that.”

11: Do you like someone?

“Asher. But he doesn’t see me, not really. At least, not outside of being his assistant, I don’t think.”

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

“Yes, and I don’t remember any of it. I try not to do it too much, Spiro is forever telling me off and so is Dad.”

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

“Since I don’t count, no I suppose not.”

14: Do you miss someone?

“Yes. I worry for Artemis when she’s out on Hive murder-sprees and I... often miss her greatly. Cayde too.”

15: Have any pets?

“Too many! I have three cockatiels, two cats and an Ahamkara!”

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

“Weary and very tired.”

“Well that all-nighter you pulled in your greenhouse didn’t exactly help.”

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

“Probably? I know that I made out with a Titan on my first night out when I was very much wasted, but whether it was in a bathroom or not I couldn’t tell you.”

18: Are you scared of spiders?

“.......”

“He stands there like he’s rooted and cries if it’s a big one. He’s that scared of them.”

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

“Yes. I know it’s never a good idea, but... I know I could save Cayde, if I could go back in time. I know I could get to him on time.”

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

“In the corner of some club in the City, I think.”

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

“Studying my plants and tending to my garden.”

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

“God no, never. It’s hard enough just taking care of Kilgharrah and myself, let alone anyone else.”

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

“I’m tempted to get some, at least some in my ear.”

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

“I don’t really know. I’m good at botany and horticulture, and I’m learning more about the Light in-depth but other than that I don’t know.”

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

“My Pa. I didn’t know him, I was killed as a toddler and at the same time as him, so I don’t have any memories. Dad showed me pictures of him, though, and he looks nice. I wish I did know him better.”

26: What are you craving right now?

“Peace and quiet. A partner. I dunno.”

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

“I don’t know. I’m more likely to break my own half the time with how attached to things or people I get.”

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

“Hah, no.”

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

“At time of answering, I don’t have one, so no.”

30: What’s irritating you right now?

“Being so god damn cold. I have a sweater on and the heating on and my own Solar Light and I’m STILL COLD!”

31: Does somebody love you?

“My dad does. I don’t like speaking for anyone else I know, though.”

32: What is your favourite color?

“Largely any of the Io shaders. Blue’s good too, and green.”

33: Do you have trust issues?

“Depends who’s asking me to trust them. I trust my dad, Artemis and Dad with my life. Plus Othion and his husband Izel. Oh, and Vigil, since he guards the Speaker. Ikora, too. But the likes of the Drifter? It’s getting harder to say.”

“Long story short, sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t.”

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

“I dreamt of a throne world that belonged to Crota, and it was filled with warped versions of the plants in my garden. Everything was a sickly Hive green and there was a broken throne with vines snaking all around it. I was sat in it, and there were hordes of Hive knelt around me like I was royalty.... I think it’s just a scrambled memory, after getting that shard of Crota’s soul crystal in my eye.”

“Yeah, that’s all it was. Don’t think on it too much, Edix.”

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

“My Ghost. It feels weird to be crying around anyone else sometimes.”

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

“Yes. Sometimes I’m too kind for my own good.”

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

“I think it’s easier to forgive. That way you can move past it and carry on, rather than forgetting about it and then it coming back to haunt you at inopportune times.”

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

“I doubt it. Cayde died, Dad and Ikora have been arguing, the Drifter moved into the Tower Annex, the Black Armory opened its shady doors, the Spider is very interested in even more shady things, the Nine have rocked up with their Emissary and even with Mara gone, she’s up to no good as usual and I don’t like it.”

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

“In mortal terms, around 24 or 25? As a Guardian, no idea. I don’t count the years so much.”

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

“Oh my god no. I’d rather die than do that.”

51: Favourite food?

“Not sure I have one, to be honest with you.”

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

“Sometimes. Not everything can be attributed to that logic, given the nature of this bastard existence some things are just at random and have no or little reason to them.”

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

“Worked on some more jellyfish to give to families in the City. They lost more than we did during the Red War, so I try to give something nice back to them when I can.”

54: Is cheating ever okay?

“No. If you can’t do it on your own merit, then you don’t deserve to reap the rewards through cheating.”

55: Are you mean?

“I can be, but I don’t like to.”

56: How many people have you fist fought?

“Not that many. I’m not all that strong, physically.”

57: Do you believe in true love?

“I’d like to, but sometimes it just doesn’t seem possible.”

58: Favourite weather?

“When it’s raining on an autumn day, because at least I’m not too cold. But also I can just sit by the window, wrapped up in blankets and listen to the rain while I crochet or read.”

59: Do you like the snow?

“Yes! It’s so much fun to roll around in it and throw snowballs at other Guardians!”

60: Do you wanna get married?

“I don’t think so. It’s bold to assume a relationship would last that long.”

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

“Depends who’s calling me that and the circumstance of the name. If they’re taking the piss, and I don’t know them, then I’m not happy about it.”

62: What makes you happy?

“Little things. Looking after my plants, helping Asher, my crochet projects, being able to spend time with my friends.”

63: Would you change your name?

“No. I like it how it is.”

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

“Probably, since I don’t know who they were, their name or what they looked like. I was... very drunk.”

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

“Well that’s literally never gonna happen, so I’m not even engaging in this hypothetical.”

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

“Yes. Artemis is very dear to me and we have an understanding of one another. Even with our differences, I still feel comfortable around her.”

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

“Artemis, duh. Well, maybe Ikora.”

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

“Probably Artie again. We talk about the Hive a lot, given our dispositions.”

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

“I’d like to, just not in my own case.”

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

“My dad, Artemis. I’d die for Asher and, in fact, have. Many times. Curse you, Pyramidion.”

[lesbianbruabba]

all of them!

Anon you are trying to kill me but also like..thank you

1: Full name

I’m not stupid, I’m not putting my full real name out. lol

2: Age

Eighteen

3: 3 Fears

Being rejected, depression consuming my life, going deaf or blind

4: 3 things I love

My brother, my friends, music

5: 4 turns on

Gentle caresses, dirty talk, teasing, kink stuff

6: 4 turns off

Uhhh. Pedophilia, scat, incest, racial degradation? I’m going for the most hardcore bad stuff lol

7: My best friend

I have a lot but for simplicity’s sake my bestest is @lettiehigh

8: Sexual orientation

Bisexual

9: My best first date

Lol

10: How tall am I

5′2. correct question is how short am I

11: What do I miss

Special ham sandwiches

12: What time were I born

I don’t fucking know

13: Favourite color

Pink

14: Do I have a crush

I have multiple. 

15: Favourite quote

“They don’t sell cheese at the jewelry store” - my husband Felony Steve

16: Favourite place

My bedroom

17: Favourite food

Chicken nuggets from a hong kong mcdonald’s. They taste like shit in scotland

18: Do I use sarcasm

Sometimes but I’m not that good at it

19: What am I listening to right now

No More Time - Flor

20: First thing I notice in new person

Eyes

21: Shoe size

6.5

22: Eye color

Dark brown/black

23: Hair color

Dark brown/black. it’s gotten darker over the last few years

24: Favourite style of clothing

Frilly or bondage-y. Sometimes both at once

25: Ever done a prank call?

Nope

27: Meaning behind my URL

RPDR fic pen name

28: Favourite movie

RENT

29: Favourite song

Right now it’s Felony Reunion by Felony Steve

30: Favourite band

Waterparks, flor, All Time Low, Fall Out Boy, you can’t make me pick

31: How I feel right now

Lorny

32: Someone I love

My baby brother

33: My current relationship status

Single

34: My relationship with my parents

Rocky but overall it’s fine. It’s like an ongoing negotiation but I know they love me really.

35: Favourite holiday

I went to England when I was 14 with my school. 

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

None

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

Nipple piercings, I want a hip tattoo on my right hip because I haven’t self-harmed there and it’s a bit of a ‘sacred space’ now. someday I want a lyric tattoo, a flower tattoo (roses pls) and a watercolor one. I follow so many tattoo instagrams and they all look so pretty

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

At the very very beginning to make an aesthetic pastel blog. Got into roleplaying for a couple of years, made some good friends, some sad things happened, moved onto rpdr fic, evolved into the mess it is now

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

what ex

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

Good morning snaps from my brother and copyright from @samrull

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

Nope

42: When did I last hold hands?

Not a thing I’ve done in a long time? 

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

Depends on whether I do makeup or not. 10 minutes if I don’t have to, 20-30 if I do.

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

Nope. I don’t shave unless there’s a special event.

45: Where am I right now?

My bedroom in Edi

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

I don’t drink :)

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

reasonable level most of the time. Unless I am feeling particularly apathetic/anhedonic/depressed

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

Back in Hong kong yes

49: Am I excited for anything?

Dan and Phil show, possible trip to Copenhagen, possibly seeing flor, doing fashion design or Danish at uni next year, improving my fluency in languages, my brother visiting Edi, going home and seeing all my friends, going home and seeing my teachers I miss them so much oh my god, possibly seeing one of my crushes again!!

Oh and I’m going to a convention on sunday so that’s pretty great too!

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

Yeah my brother we’re a bit too open

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

depends on how often I leave my room/spend time in others’ company that I’m not comfortable with. 

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

Tuesday at 7:30 pm

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

Cool, thumbs up dude. he kisses well

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

Yeah probably. lbr I trust people too easily

55: What is something I disliked about today?

I didn’t move from my bed much. but! I got a lot of drawing done and I studied some Polish so that’s a win. fuck you for making me think negatively :)

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

there’s this girl in denmark i owe a very long apology to. her. and maybe her cat.

57: What do I think about most?

My crushes, analyzing whether I have a pattern/type of crush, random etymologies, whether Russian is harder than Polish or I have a warped bias, whether my friends care about me or am I overestimating my place in their hearts

58: What’s my strangest talent?

I can say thank you in like 15 languages that counts right?

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

The wolf from little red riding hood

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

In front bc I am shite at taking photos

61: What was the last lie I told?

my meds are making me better

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Video chatting oh my god

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I sometimes hope ghosts exist. idk about aliens

64: Do I believe in magic?

No 

65: Do I believe in luck?

yes

66: What’s the weather like right now?

Not that bad for scotland tbh but chilly for late April

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

Essentials of Polish verbs and grammar or something. google it

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

no???? who tf likes that what the fuck

69: Do I have any nicknames?

This one friend I used to have called me Christababe. Also people at school called me Lily

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

Self harm cut from a few weeks ago. Got infected (it’s fine now)

71: Do I spend money or save it?

Depends

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

With a tongue sure but not my own lmao

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?

Yes a lot of it because my closet is next to my bed :)

74: Favourite animal?

Unicorn

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

Eating ice cream and surfing the drag race reddit

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

I don’t know???? Johnson?

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

The Middle - Jimmy Eat World

78: How can you win my heart?

Don’t manipulate me.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

Married to Felony Steve

80: What is my favorite word?

Felony

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

Like my faves? @rippling-waves @samrull @lettiehigh @veronicasanders @lecafenoirx

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

Listen to Waterparks they have the best music. -dabs-

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

Nope

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

Fluency in all languages

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

“are you in love with me”. if asked by certain people. alternatively “do you like girls” asked by other certain people. 

86: What is my current desktop picture?

DDLC fanart

87: Had sex?

No but close

88: Bought condoms?

No but I have one from the Hive from a fresher’s package

89: Gotten pregnant?

no dear lord 

90: Failed a class?

Nope and I hope not

91: Kissed a boy?

Yes

92: Kissed a girl?

No, I wish

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

No

94: Had job?

Yes, barista and factory worker

95: Left the house without my wallet?

Yes

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

Kind of? Not really? It was more of an argument but we’re friends now. I was a stupid thirteen year old 

97: Had sex in public?

No

98: Played on a sports team?

Lol, tell another one

99: Smoked weed?

No

100: Did drugs?

No, will not

101: Smoked cigarettes?

No, I hate smoking

102: Drank alcohol?

I had a few sips of white wine that were absolutely DISGUSTING

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

No

104: Been overweight?

Currently am

105: Been underweight?

I wish

106: Been to a wedding?

Yeah of distant relatives and teachers

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

Try 14

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

I don’t watch TV, There’s no tv in my student hall and back home the TV is only for news

109: Been outside my home country?

Yep too many times tbh

110: Gotten my heart broken?

Unrequited love-wise yes

111: Been to a professional sports game?

Yes and spent the whole time reading (I was a kid and my mum couldn’t/didn’t find someone to babysit)

112: Broken a bone?

No, thank god

113: Cut myself?

Yes, trying to quit it

114: Been to prom?

Yep and I sang on stage too! 

115: Been in airplane?

Yep

116: Fly by helicopter?

No and not interested tbh

117: What concerts have I been to?

Waterparks, Avril Lavigne, All Time Low

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

Yes, quite a few times now

119: Learned another language?

Try multiple

120: Wore make up?

Yeah! Trying to do it more

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

No, too late for that now

122: Had oral sex?

No but I want to

123: Dyed my hair?

No but I want to

124: Voted in a presidential election?

No, HK doesn’t have presidential elections

125: Rode in an ambulance?

No

126: Had a surgery?

No

127: Met someone famous?

Famous in Hong Kong yes. Worldwide no. I’ve met the UoE principal though

edit: Iza reminded me that I’ve met both Courtney Act and Sasha Velour! 

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

Yes but not like…creepy. for drawing reference I’ve gone through a lot of people’s social media this morning lol

129: Peed outside?

When I was like 4

130: Been fishing?

Not that I can recall

131: Helped with charity?

Yeah

132: Been rejected by a crush?

No because I’m too much of a wimp to confess. Maybe a few years later

133: Broken a mirror?

Yep, the one I use to wear my contacts (when I used to wear contacts)

134: What do I want for birthday?

Sex and liposuction and a corset and maybe someone to love me and a full happy day with no depression or anxiety

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

I don’t want kids. But if I did have kids, here is a list of nice names: Gracie, Ljudmila, Nico, Agneta (this one sounds really fucking familiar but I don’t know why), Anthony, Selene, Kristoff, James

136: Was I named after anyone?

No. My Chinese name means to have manners and to be gentle lmao. My English name is literally just the first thing I blurted out when the teacher asked me for my name. Wednesday was a name I look after Wednesday Addams though.

137: Do I like my handwriting?

I hate my Chinese and English penmanship it looks like shit but my Cyrillic looks GREAT

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

Barbie, I had Genevieve from the 12 dancing princesses

139: Favourite Tv Show?

Drag race, b99, ASOUE, the good place

140: Where do I want to live when older?

In Edinburgh

141: Play any musical instrument?

The ukulele and I think I still remember a bit of guitar

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

Cutting. Most of my scars are from cutting. A few from childhood bruises

143: Favourite pizza toping?

Cheese

144: Am I afraid of the dark?

Sometimes

145: Am I afraid of heights?

all the time

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

A lot worse than sneaking out buddy

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Yeah 

148: What I’m really bad at

controlling my fucking feelings and not falling for peple

149: What my greatest achievments are

Sewing my prom dress, making an animation, juggling learning 3 languages (slowly) at once, surviving high school because honestly I didn’t think I’d make it to graduation

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

That bisexuality doesn’t exist

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

Depends on how much i win but assuming it’s a big amount of money, split it and donate a third to charity, give a third to my parents, split the rest of it in quarters and give three quarter to my dad for investments and spend the last quarter

152: What do I like about myself

I have pretty hair and nice tits and I can draw (not well but I can draw), and I have a bit of talent in learning languages and fashion design

153: My closest Tumblr friend

@samrull without a doubt

154: Something I fantasise about

My brain giving me a good yummy serotonin

155: Any question you’d like?

….anon you didn’t put a question (this happens every goddamn time i s2g)

Thanks for the ask though this kept me occupied for the good part of an hour :)

[eledritch]

MY VLD S3 NOTES

firstly: SO MANY SHOULDER TOUCHES BETWEEN SHIRO KEITH & LANCE THIS SEASON KILL ME 

 ALSO ALLURA CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT & GOOD HUNK MOMENTS 

THANK U & BACKSTORY EXCELLENT SUPER HELPFUL FOR US FIC WRITERS THANK 

enjoy this absolute mess I wrote while watching 

Episode 1: 

 "I'm coming HOME" KEITH CALLED THE CASTLE HOME 

"Maybe not from the front" *explosion* HUNK ILY also is that an innuendo 

"I'll have a pizza roll" 

Keith's angry storm off from the table :( 

"Exiled brat" 

"Your own aggression is your undoing" foreshadowing to when lotor fights Keith?? 

"I remember what a thrill it was to meet him for the first time" OK LANCE

Episode 2: 

"Keith would be the worst leader of voltron" (Keith doesn't argue) 

"*scoffs* are you joking" KEITH SMILED 

Hunk: "Keith, make me a sandwich, stat! Yep, you heard right, I'm the leader now, dang it!" 

Lance: "this is your moment" "how long are we gonna let Lance stay in there" omg :'( 

"But I'm not you. I can't lead them like you" 

Lance: "get some alien diversity on the team" 

"This ones for you, Shiro" 

LANCE FLIRTING WITH THE BLUE LION FURRY CONFIRMED

Zethrid getting excited to blow shit up 

Keith: "be careful with red!" 

Pidge: "wow we're really kind of a mess" 

Hunk: "yes awesome!!!" GOOD KIND SUPPORTIVE BOY

"On Altea we wear pink to honor our fallen warriors" BC FUCK YA GENDERED COLORS 

Episode 3: 

Keith: everyone stay out of my way! Lance: great. Great leadership. 

"I'm not really feeling that voltron feeling" HUNK 

"They'll be blind - no offense, Narti" is Narti like evil toph bc yes please 

Keith listens to Lance!!! 

Hunk being scared of the green lion 

Allura: "what would Lance do? *immediately starts flirting with blue*" 

THE SONAR MAP IS SO COOL, ALLURA KICKING LOTOR'S ASS MY QUEEN

Keith: "look I'm glad we're all makin fun of lance" 

Allura: HUNK, IM A LEG!! 

Keith learning leadership skills :'D 

 Episode 4: 

 Hunk: "ready to abort immediately" 

ALTERNATE REALITY OMG AU’S ARE REAL PLUS SVEN AND SLAV 

Pink haired Altean chick can kick me in the face (commander hira) 

ALTEAN EMPIRE HELL YES NVM HOKTRIL IS BAD BAD BAD 

Hunk: "you mean...slave labor" CALL THEM OUT 

DID KEITH JUST THROW A SWORD AT ONE OF THE ALTEANS 

Sven saving Lance's life like in the original BLESS UP SPACE HOSPITAL 

"I love this reality!" & I love you, Slav 

Episode 5: 

LONG HAIRED STUBBLY SHIRO THIS IS NOT A DRILL 

operation kuron????? kURO???? 

ahahaha his hair looks like a troll doll's when he's upside down 

This skintight black under armor is a real Look for u Shiro 

DID HE JUST CAUTERIZE HIS OWN WOUND WHILE INSIDE A GIANT RIBCAGE? JESUS WHEN DID THIS SHOW GET SO DARK 

o no it's the bumpy whale of terror don't fall for it shiro tHAT IS NOT A WHALE 

@ the showrunners can Shiro ever, maybe, idk, CATCH A FUCKING BREAK 

does it have tentacles tho 

SWING BOY 

Why does Lotor have the same smirky eyebrow face as Lance 

SHIRO IN THE SHIP ALONE IN SPACE RESIGNED TO HIS DEATH NO THANKS 

*lotor delivers a severed arm to haggar* "but I am not my father" you, uh, you sure about that buddy 

SHIRO FLASHBACKS BYE 

Episode 6: 

Hunk's thumbs up omg 

Allura with a whip is my everything 

gOD SHIRO IS SO RIPPED 

"hey, Keith? How many times are you gonna have to save me before this is over?" "As many times as it takes" BE STILL MY HEART 

lance: "you're lookin better!!" his wide eyes I die 

Shiro looks so much like Mako oh my god SO YOUNG LOOK AT THAT SHARP BOY 

HUNK IS SMART HUNK IS SMART 

HNNNG LANCE IS IN KEITH'S ROOM IM 

Keith's face when he says "leave the math to pidge" I dieeeeee 

"A little mouse shower" *rapid electronic beeping* hunk is a gift to this world 

actual married couple k&s saying stuff in unison 

BLACK LION WHAT R U DOING LET KEITH HAVE RED LION MOM 

"this might be the worst post but it's MY post!" LOL THROK 

season 3 more like constantly walking into traps DO Y’ALL EVER LEARN

 what kind of title is King Groggery the Infirm 

KEITH, BUDDY, DROP THE LOTOR THING 

Lance: "I got you, buddy!" *lil dopey Keith smile* 

Zethrid: "I'm going to enjoy crushing you" I'd enjoy it if you crushed me please 

KEITH U CLEVER BOY ILY WHEN UR NOT BEING AN IDIOT 

"I'm proud of you Keith" ugly sobbing 

Lotor you sneaky lil bitch 

Episode 7: 

HAGGAR WHAT HAPPENED TO U YOU WERE ADORABLE 

"Oh dear" Alfor u cutie 

"That's what I keep you around for Zarkon" "well perhaps a bit of discipline erosion would do you good zarkon" CONSTANT ALFOR FLIRTING OK

Space Cat Kova Haggar was a cat lady I die Honerva ahhhhh 

Is. Is Zarkon flustered LMAO 

BABY HELMET allura better have that helmet still 

Ok but why is allura's mom basically just her....could y'all have been any lazier with the design 

ZARKON MARRIED HONERVA 

"I'll stick with being your right hand" ok but....have the black and red lions/Paladins always had a close relationship 👀 

This monster thing is some princess mononoke shit 

AM I A LEG 

can I marry trigel just asking for a friend 

IMMORTAL CAT 

Ok Zarkon actually being sweet and holding Haggar's hand wtf cute......Also they have a sweet ass bed just sayin 

"I only hope it is not too late to heal the rift in my planet...and our friendship" soft zarkon, nice 

Are the creatures like the corruption in the quintessence??? 

RIP planet daibazaal damn thanks alfor 

tHEYRE ACTUAL VAMPIRES RISING FROM THE DEAD N SHIT WITH SPARKLE EYES TURTLE BOY IS BACK BITCHES

[bellamysgriffin]

future fics

here’s just a bullet point list at what’s coming next, in the general order they’re coming, most are gmw

five times riley matthews fell for maya hart and one time maya hart fell for riley matthews (gmw) : what it says on the tin. fell is meant literally. 

i can do that (gmw) : little kid!zay. his dance origin story. 

waiting for you (gmw): uhhh this is kinda the opposite of a josh/maya fic, it’s sorta lucaya, but it’s more so just about maya’s character

dear future husband (gmw): how riley lowered her expectations after dating mishaps, and how farkle slowly started to build them back up again

[request]

end of a love affair: maya getting over lucas, and the relationship they never really had. 

amy/rory one shot (dw) - unknown

[miscellaneous au]

alison (gmw): lucas/maya, future high school reunion au. songfic to alison by elvis costello

maybe (gmw): lucas/maya at the end of a painful relationship. they still love each other, but it’s not that simple. maybe it’s time to let go. but maybe...

[request]

like i’m gonna lose you (gmw): lucas/maya, you never really know how much time you have left. lucas and maya decide to make the most of theirs.

missing you (gmw): clique six friendship fic, maya centric. every time maya feels herself falling, she turns to her friends. and in the end, she always comes back to riley. 

[request]

[miscellaneous au]

coat of many colors (gmw): little kid!maya, involves cute katy/maya moments and maya having pride in her family

[request]

it’s gotta be love (gmw): lucaya au, lucas wakes up at some unknown apartment, head pounding from a massive hangover. all he remembers is this girl, not her name, just her, and wow, why are his knees weak all of a sudden?

[miscellaneous au]

miserable at best (gmw): set after lucas and riley break up but maya is still hung up on josh, and even though he’s finally realized he wants her, all he really wants is for her to be happy, even if that means he’s miserable

[request]

all shades of blue (gmw): yes, another lucas/maya, lucas helping maya heal. she wants to sink into her sadness. he won’t let her. 

[miscellaneous au]

[request]

i’ll follow you into the dark (gmw): actually the angstiest lucas/maya fic ever, cancer!au

[miscellaneous au]

[request]

you (gmw): yes, bite me it’s another lucaya fic, okay?

[request]

learn how to fight (gmw): letter from lucas friar addressed to maya hart - never sent

[miscellaneous au]

over you (gmw): lucas and maya both trying to get over each other. not canon compliant. 

people will say we’re in love (gmw): the only fluffy fic i will ever write. people are starting to notice maya and lucas getting closer, and they don’t like it. 

tie a yellow ribbon round the ol’ oak tree (gmw): farkle is coming to see if riley might just want him back again. if she does, she knows what to do. she knows where to find him. if she doesn’t, well, it’ll be his fault. 

requests under the cut! (always open, but may not be done in a timely manner)

"I will never apologize for saving your life, even if it costs me my own.” Amy x Rory or Lucaya.

could you do Riarkle, where Farkle tries to save Riley from a dangerous situation, but she gets seriously hurt despite his efforts and Farkle blames himself for it?

Rilaya — "Why are you avoiding me?"

1: “Come over here and make me.” Riarkle please :)

Riarkle, “I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”

Lucaya, “I wish I could hate you.”

“Kiss me.” Lucaya

“I thought you were dead.” Claire/Charlie please!

Romione “I thought you were dead.” !!!

Amy and Rory, right after Amy get sent back by the angel to Rory (you might've already done this one) :)

Riarkle + their first major fight (angst and fluff please)

Angsty Romione not long after the battle of hogwarts

Tenrose — Tentoo and Rose adapting to life after Journey's End

Topanga finding out she's pregnant (w/ Riley not Auggie, so when they were quite young) and telling Cory

Romione angst and fluff — The two dealing with nightmares and PTSD

Angsty Corpanga — Topanga's feelings/POV during the Lauren triangle

I'm watching A Town Called Mercy right now & I can't help thinking they could've added some small Amy and Rory scenes into the episode, can you do something with that?

"I like watching you. When you laugh, when you smile, when you’re passionately engaged in something you enjoy.” Amy x Rory

"You can’t tell me that all this time spent together has meant nothing to you.” Amy x Rory

"Remember what happened last time we played this game? I’m still looking for my dignity.” Either Amy x Rory or Lucas x Maya

"Stop borrowing flowers out of my garden to woo people who don’t even treat you right.” Lucas x Maya

“I did this all by myself. Can’t you be proud?" Amy x Rory

"You are small and full of anger.” Lucas x Maya

"I know I said I trust your judgement, but I’m thinking that maybe I shouldn’t." Lucas x Maya

“I could eat these cookies for the rest of my life.” Amy x Rory

"It took me a year to figure out how much you meant" Riarkle please xx

I have you shoved against the wall but now I can’t stop looking at your mouth/We’re hiding from the authorities and it’s very close quarters in here, I can feel your body against mine/We were pretending to be lovers but I’m not pretending anymore and I have to know if you feel the same way/you’re my clumsy roommate and I’m a nursing/med student and am constantly patching you up under the guise of ‘gaining experience’ but I just really like taking care of you/touching you - any for Amy/Rory :)

“I just want you to let me in, babe.” “Okay, I see that you’re trying to be romantic, but listen, I would. The door’s jammed.” For Lucaya

Things you said while I cried in your arms. Riarkle

can i request one in Riley's point of view (there isn't so much of that) like how she start to notice her feelings, maybe a confesion of her part at the end

I'd really like to see you write another zayadora something. If you could include something about the reasons why zay likes her, that would be amazing. Some possible prompts would be established zayadora facing heading off to college, an angsty school dance piece where zay can't help feeling jealous of Farkle, or zay asking Smackle out for the first time.

Riarkle: Riley realizes she's in love with Farkle during the worst day of her life.

"Look at me-- just breathe, okay." for Riarkle.

lucaya prompt where they set riley and farkle up after smarkle & rucas both break up, and then stay and spy on them throughout their date.

lucaya prompt where maya loves lucas and is all freaked out because commitment issues and hope is for suckers and lucas tells her he loves her first and maya is like wooosh thank god i love u too babe

okay so just because i love you and your writing so very very much, i've got a lucaya prompt for you: it's senior year of high school and maya's working really hard to get her grades up, to get into her dream school, and eventually an application comes at last minute saying she got into to whatever the dream school was, maybe nyu or brown, and lucas is there with her to open it because she's so nervous and her hands won't stop shaking and she asks him to open it for her and JUST FLUFF PLEASE

Riarkle: Riley and Farkle has a huge fight and Farkle refuses to talk to Riley. This is a story of Riley doing everything she can to get him to forgive her.

“I don’t know where I am. Help me” for Riarkle please. I love your writing btw!!

Riarkle Prompt: Rucas and Smarkle is broken up. Riley realizes her feelings for Farkle. She has been making advances towards him for several weeks now, but Farkle has failed to notice. The Farkle gets sick and Riley does everything she can to take care of him.

“I heard you scream. Nightmares again?” Riarkle

“Hey. Just look at me. Breathe.” Riarkle

“Hold my hand. You’re going to be fine.” Riarkle

“I could just use a hug.” Riarkle

Riarkle Prompt: Farkle notices that Riley has been off lately and he tries to get to the bottom of it by asking non-stop questions. Riley tries to answer as best as she can, but she can't tell him the real reason she's upset. Riley is in love with Farkle and he is seemingly interested in someone else.

“I’m at the hospital.” Lucaya, Maya is hurt

“Don’t touch me!” Lucaya

Riarkle prompt please. "I miss you, not the i haven't seen you in awhile kind of miss you, but the I wish you were here at this very moment kind of miss."

Riarkle prompt: Riley giggles when she's nervous and lately she's been giggling a lot around Farkle.

Farkle has been working a lot lately and Riley is starting to feel as though maybe Farkle isn't as interested in her, so Riley asks for the help of Smackle to try to get his attention.

Right when Farkle finally decides to give up his feelings for Riley, Riley decides to show Farkle how much she loves him.

scorbus' first kiss?

jiles, jax realises he likes miles and starts avoiding him bc he doesnt know how to handle it, but miles gets confused and hurt that his best friend his avoiding him until bianca points out why...

can you do me an angsty as hell peraltiago one? maybe one where jake is working on an emotionally exhausting case (something to do with a kid maybe), and he breaks down and amy comforts him??

Zayadora: Smackle meets parents or first date ask out or college goodbyes or typical hangout

Lucaya prompt- They go to the Carnival together for their first date and have a good time.

“Oh geeze, is that all my blood? Crap. Okay. Cool. I’m not panicking. Uh, shoot. Wow.” (peraltiago, this dialouge is ssooo jake)

“I’m worried about you.” lucaya

Riley starting to think Farkle will never ask her out especially when he starts being really friendly towards a new girl in his science club.

“Do you think that this was a bad idea?” + lucaya

“Do me a favor and never talk to me again. We’re done.” + lucaya

Could you write me some zayadora? I'm not particular about the prompt, but these ones did remind me of them. “I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason.” “Never lose your heart, use your head!” “I was lost in your spell.” “I believe there’s something in you.” “How can I resist you?”

Imagine Person A in a situation where they have to die so that Person B can live. A is only able to overcome their fear of dying by thinking of B’s smile, and how they’d be protecting it with their sacrifice. A dies peacefully - that is, they would have, if they didn’t suddenly realize how they’d never be able to see B’s smile again. → doctorrose

isadora/riley

For the I love you prompts can you do a lucaya with a shuddering gasp and/or with a whisper in the ear maybe make them kind of sexy 

[missblanchette]

Look, Papa, No Hands [1/1]

Series: Joker Game

Characters: Hatano, Amari, Emma, Tazaki; Some minor Amari/Tazaki, but it’s not a huge focus

Rating: PG (for Hatano’s language lol)

Summary: What better revenge is there than to teach another man's child how to ride a bike? (or: Hatano teaches Emma how to ride a bike. Amari is not happy.)

Words: 2517

Notes: Part of my Modern AU (btw this is @dollofdeath‘s new writing blog, hello~); Inspired by this tweet; Misleading title is misleading bc there’s no actual bike riding lmao but anyways, this is just a dumb thing I wrote for fun haha some things to note (which will make sense in a few lol), I hc Hatano as a gamer, Nintendo Switches are hard to find and expensive since there’s not so much produced:’) and ah, if you’ve read my previous modern AUs, you’ll have noticed that AmaTaza aren’t established yet but in this fic, they are -- I’m just jumping around in the timeline a bit hehe

You can read this on AO3! Thank you guys for reading and I hope you enjoy~! (ˊᗜˋ)

Hatano wouldn't usually call himself as "a dick." Sure, there are times where he's an asshole, but it's because the other person deserves it. Like whenever Jitsui's sadism becomes too overwhelming or Miyoshi's ego gets to his head or the fact that Kaminaga exists in general. He's not a dick for no reason -- it's just to put others in their place.

And today he feels like being a dick.

He clearly remembers how Amari did him wrong last week -- not that Amari's aware of the severity of the situation. After spending the entire afternoon in Akihabara trying to find a freaking Nintendo Switch (which he did, all at the cost of a whooping 45,500 yen and his will to live), Hatano ran into Amari who'd invited him to dinner and who was he to deny free food? But being the dumbass that he was, he'd forgotten the Switch at Amari's place and didn't notice until well after he got home..

"Oh, that...?" Amari said, the moment Hatano called and asked him about it. With just those two, simple words, Hatano knew it wasn't gonna end well. "I didn't realize it was yours and let Emma play with it."

So far, so good. Hatano even felt a little proud that Emma had taken an interest in gaming. But Amari just had to continue speaking.

"Then, uh, Frate ate it --" Oh shit. "-- and it broke."

Right there and then, Hatano's soul left his body. He'd been saving up for weeks to buy a Switch, even refusing Jitsui's offer to split the cost because he wanted to buy everything with his own money. That was 45,500 yen down the drain. Not to mention that dipshit Odagiri's probably gonna show off his Switch next time they hang out. Fuckin'. God dammit.

"I'm really sorry!" Amari said but Hatano had already grown numb. "I'll pay you back!"

Oh, he'll pay all right.

Amari's a nice guy, don't get him wrong; he's always been there for him and has helped him through tough times. In fact, if he's drunk enough, he may even admit to seeing him as an older brother. But that doesn't change the fact that he can be an airhead and Hatano is petty as hell.

So when Amari asks him to watch Emma, he doesn't hesitate. It takes some convincing to Jitsui to let her stay on such short notice, but Jitsui's happy to comply once he lets him on in the plan. After Emma's dropped off, Hatano waits fifteen minutes to make sure Amari's gone. Then, he turns to her.

"Hey, Emma."

"Yes, Uncle Hatano?"

"Ya wanna learn how to ride a bike?"

The sparkle in her big, blue eyes is all the answer he needs.

After what happened last week, Amari's had some hesitations leaving Emma with Hatano for the day. He thought for sure Hatano would just shoot him down, but surprisingly, Hatano accepts without any complaints. Though, Amari's not really in a position to question it since he's pressed for time. Not that he doubts Hatano (though, Jitsui's another story), but he's glad to see Emma all in one piece when he comes to pick her up. Hatano even sends them off with a smile, a sight he doesn't see too often.

"Papa, Papa! Guess what?" Emma asks as they take the elevator down. She bounces excitedly in his arms and despite how tired he feels, Amari can't help but share her enthusiasm.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"Guess!"

"Hm, okay. You went to the aquarium and saw the dolphins today."

"Nope~ Guess again."

"No? Then did Uncle Jitsui let you help with his manga?"

"Nuh-uh. One more try."

"Okay then... you and Uncle Hatano made flour bombs!"

"No~" Emma giggles. "It's none of that!"

"Well, don't leave me hanging," Amari teases.

"Uncle Hatano taught me how to ride a bike!"

Amari chokes, nearly dropping Emma in the process.

"Are you okay, Papa?"

"J-Just fine, darling." It takes all his strength not to cry right there and then. "I-Is that so? How did it go?"

Emma wastes no time explaining the bike riding lesson and chatters on about how fun it was and how fast she went and how cool it was to finally be on a big girl bike, but it all goes into one ear and out the other as they make their way back to the car.

For some time now, Emma's been wanting to ride a bike, claiming that she's gotten too old for her tricycle. It's taken a while, but Amari finally ordered the perfect bike for her -- a bright pink one with those colorful tassels on the handles and a cute, little basket in the front. There's even a bell on it, because she says she likes the way they sound.

It was supposed to be a surprise when it comes in later in the week, but... he figures it doesn't mean much now.

Tazaki reserves his mornings for his birdies-and-me time and no one -- not even those closest to him -- is allowed to interrupt it. So when his phone rings, he's already going through possible forms of punishment to whoever's calling. Not even a hint of mercy crosses his mind when he sees "Amari 🐳💞" on the screen.

He answers, ready to reprimand Amari for disturbing him, but a shrill cry cuts him short.

"Uncle Tazakiii!!"

"Emma, dove," he says as calmly as possible. As he hears her hiccuping on the other end, he decides that maybe he'll make one exception. "What's wrong?"

"Papa, h-he won't get up...!"

Grip tightening on his phone, Tazaki's heart drops and his blood runs cold.

"Did something happen?"

"I-I don't know..." She sniffles. "I t-tried waking him up but he won't get outta bed."

By the time she's finished speaking, Tazaki's already put on his shoes and grabbed his keys.

"Don't worry, dove, I'll be right there," he says and wasting not a second, he scrambles out of his apartment. It's times like these that he wishes he had a car, but he's able to make it to Amari's place quickly nonetheless.

As soon as he gets there, Emma clings onto him for dear life. He takes a moment to help her calm down and reassures her that no, Papa isn't dead and yes, Papa will be all right (probably, he thinks, but he doesn't want to start freaking out either). Once she's settled down with Frate to keep her busy, Tazaki steels himself and enters Amari's room.

He finds a giant lump lying on the bed that he can only assume is Amari, but it's still and silent and Tazaki has to remember to take a breath in and a breath out and a breath in and a breath out and -- screw it, he can't possibly concentrate on his breathing exercises right now. With Emma out in the living room, he's allowed to freak out as much as he wants.

"A-Amari!" He rushes to his side and practically throws the covers off, and there's Amari laying face down without any hints of life. Kneeling down next to him, Tazaki takes one of his hands in his and starts shaking him. "Are you okay?"

The seconds tick by with no response from Amari and oh God, Tazaki thinks, how's he going to break this to Emma? She's already lost her birth parents, now she's lost another one and wait, being Amari's boyfriend means the responsibility of taking care of her goes to him. But he's not ready to raise a child by himself and oh no, his boyfriend's dead, how's he supposed to deal with this? He's never had a dead boyfriend before --

"Tazaki...?" Ever so slowly, Amari tilts his head towards him.

"Oh thank God," Tazaki says, cradling Amari's face in his hands. Taking a closer look at him, Amari's eyes are tired and dull and it's so strange seeing him without his usual cheer. "Emma said you wouldn't get out of bed so I thought something bad happened like you were paralyzed or you slipped into a coma or -- o-or --" Tazaki pauses to collect his thoughts. "I just... what happened?"

"Sorry for worrying you," Amari says, giving him a weak smile. "It's just that Hatano..."

He trails off, voice cracking. Tazaki leans in.

"W-What about Hatano?" Oh God, did something happen to Hatano that he's not aware of? He's a reckless guy, so it's not unlikely that he'd get himself into some sort of accident or get involved with the wrong people or --

"He... taught Emma how to ride a bike."

"Oh my God! I can't believe -- wait." Tazaki blinks once. Twice. Three times. Then it really sinks in. "What."

In his head, Tazaki replays the words over again and stares at Amari's sorry state. He opens his mouth to speak, but finds that he can't properly express himself with words. So instead he lets go of Amari, grabs the pillow from underneath his head, and smacks him.

"Ow! Why --"

"That's it?" He hits him again. "Emma was so worried about you and it was all because Hatano taught her how to ride a bike?" And once more for good measure. "What's wrong with you!?"

All the while, Amari sits up, arms raised in a vain attempt to defend himself from Tazaki's onslaught.

"You don't understand!"

"Oh." Tazaki raises an eyebrow. "Really?"

"A child only learns how to ride a bike once; it's an important bonding moment between a father and his child." Amari sniffles. "Hatano took that away from me."

Tazaki grips the pillow, having half the mind to hit him again. Maybe it's because he's not a father himself, but he finds Amari's reaction a little, well, ridiculous. Then again, he's used to ridiculous when it comes to Amari. Regardless, it must mean a lot to him if he's acting like this and that's enough for Tazaki to stop and consider the situation.

"That doesn't mean you can just mope around." He sits down next to him and lightly, hits him with the pillow.  "I know it hurts, but Emma still has a lot of firsts to go through and you'll be there for it."

Amari doesn't respond immediately, but he leans onto Tazaki's side.

"You have a point..."

"And you'll get the opportunity again, won't you?" He coughs, realizing the implication and quickly adds, "Theoretically. Hypothetically. Possibly. You might have more kids."

"But it won't be the same." Amari pouts. "Emma is Emma and those children are those children. It's a different experience."

"Is it really?"

"Of course!" Amari says. "Because each child is unique, so each experience won't be the same. And the chance I had with Emma --" Sniffling, he rubs his eyes. "-- was stolen, and I'll never get it back!"

As Amari plops his head on his lap, Tazaki sighs and runs his hands through Amari's hair. He's definitely gonna have to call Hatano about this.

Tazaki says he's gonna treat Hatano for the day but what Hatano gets instead is a one-on-one with Amari, courtesy of Tazaki himself.

"Emma and I are going out," Tazaki tells them. "You two aren't allowed to leave until you work things out. And don't either of you dare think about leaving because I will know," he says, looking directly at Hatano and Hatano doesn't quite get how Tazaki's able to rework Amari's lock so quickly so that it only opens from the outside, but it's whatever he supposes.  

"We'll be back by evening. You have until then to make up."

And with that, Hatano and Amari are left alone, seated across one another at the table.

Both of them refuse to look at each other -- or more like, Hatano refuses to look at Amari and Amari awkwardly tries to make eye contact -- but Hatano tries not to let the atmosphere get to him, and kicks back in his seat with his hands resting behind his head.

"So," Amari says, breaking the silence.

"So," Hatano repeats.

A beat.

"You taught Emma how to ride a bike."

"I sure as hell did." Hatano smirks as Amari winces. "The kid's a natural."

"I'm sure she is," Amari says. Hatano hears the cracks in his voice. "She's very quick to catch on."

"Unlike a certain someone," Hatano mumbles.

"Look at me, Hatano" The seriousness in Amari's voice catches him off guard and he does just so. He's not used to that disappointed look Amari gives him nor that serious tone he's using -- it's almost like when his own dad's yelling at him, but Hatano reminds himself Amari's not the same guy as his father. "Can you tell me why you did that?"

His words aren't harsh or demanding, but soft and coaxing and it's enough to make Hatano shift in his seat. Okay, maybe he's starting to feel a little bad.

"Because you ruined something of mine."

He could practically hear the ticking of the clock as he waits for Amari to reply. Amari's brows furrow and he tilts his head in that way he does when he's thinking about something.

"Is it about that game thing --"

"Switch."

"-- Switch thing?"

Hatano chews the inside of his cheek.

"Yeah."

"I said I'd pay you back."

"It's not enough!" Hatano slams his hands on the table. "I spent weeks saving up for that, y'know? It took me a while to find one in store too. And I didn't even get to open the box."

Amari holds his gaze for a moment before taking his hands in his. Despite how annoyed he is, Hatano lets him.

"I'm really sorry," he says, not breaking eye contact. "I didn't consider your feelings and I hurt you. I'll do anything to make up for it, I promise."

He heaves a sigh.

"But, you know," Amari continues. "You hurt me too. You also ruined something for me."

Here, Hatano looks away.

"You only have one chance to teach your child how to ride a bike." Amari swallows hard. "And now my chance with Emma is gone."

With that said, silence falls over and Hatano isn't quite sure if the quiet is any better. Hesitantly, he takes a peek at Amari and God, there's that kicked puppy look on his face. How the hell is he supposed to stay mad at that? Sighing, Hatano removes his hands from Amari's and crosses his arms.

"I guess," he starts, "it was a little bit harsh."

"A little bit?"

"Shut up while I'm apologizing."

Amari makes a zipping motion across his lips.

"Maybe I overreacted, but it was really unfair to you." He inhales deeply. "I'm sorry. Like really sorry and..." His mind is a tizzy, trying to think of some way to make up for what he's done. "You can teach my kids to ride a bike."

Slowly, Amari nods.

"All right. That's fair," he says, but then his nose crinkles. "Wait. I thought you didn’t want kids."

A pause.

"You can teach Yoru."

Another pause.

"Okay."

Later that week, Emma hit the town in her swanky, pink bicycle with Yoru at her side. They became internet sensations.

[jess-oh]

Reflection

So, there’s a lot to unpack.

I’ve been starting to put this off again but I do really want to get back into it. I’ve been doing some thinking lately.

First and foremost, I want to get my life in order! I’ve started looking into apartments and how I would decorate it and what theme I’d want. As of right now, I’m into that minimalistic look. I’d want a white and teal theme. I’ve already noticed just how much I gravitate toward that soft, mint color...It’s so pleasing to the eye. I just found out that it’s called “tame teal.” Now I finally have a definitive answer for that “favorite color” question! I knew it wasn’t Tiffany blue because that’s too bright. I like that more pastel, unsaturated look. Anyway, I bought an instant camera that just arrived today as well as looked into vinyls for my future record player! And I really want to get back into working out so I started researching sports bras. I have a goal and I’m making my way towards it and I’m feeling good about myself. I also started investing more time into the dishes and being proactive. I filtered through 222 scholarships on Collegeboard yesterday and today and organized them by deadline. I got this.

But let’s talk about my personal bizz.

And look, I know this is a really messed up mindset...but this is my mindset: I know that I’m still struggling with my self esteem and until i can really feel comfortable in my own skin and have the confidence to stand up for myself, i don't think i can live in California bc I don’t think i'll be able to handle that constant criticism from my fam and just have that constant fear that im being judged by people at Sa-Rang but my mom came into my room earlier today and gave a quick vent about how she just paid ~2k this month for my tuition and i couldn’t help but think if it's hard to pay for tuition now when i had a decent amount of financial aid, how is it going to be in the future when i have less aid? But i can’t come back to cali. not yet. 

I started taking my scholarship search more seriously because she told me that. And I’ve been slacking on giving 60% of my paycheck to my loans but I think I need to get back into that. I can spend money on record players and whatnot in the future. But I need to pay my loans of ASAP or else the interest will build and by then, I’ll have no hope of ever paying it off. I need scholarship money so that I can still go to Columbia. I really like it but honestly, the main reason I stay is because I have to. I need to learn to grow on my own and be with myself and mature at my own pace. I can’t do that when I’m constantly fighting my family out here. I tried to for so long and in the end, it made me really unhappy. It drove me to the point of depression and self harm and I don’t want to feel that helpless again. I’m just doing my best to make ends meet right now. And I love my job and school and my work and I try really hard. I got 6 As and 1 B. That counts for something, right? 

Right?

Sigh. I don’t know. These vents are nice. I should really do them more often instead of just running away from my problems. They help relieve a lot of stress and let me see more clearly. 

I was really nervous about going to church yesterday but in the end, everything worked out okay. I also sprinted out of service the moment in ended to avoid feeling rejected and any awkward interactions....but it still turned out okay. People were surprised and happy to see me and I’m happy that I saw them too. I felt a little bad because during prayer before service, all the attention went to Miriam instead of me. But I understand. She did just get engaged and that’s a huge deal. c: To be honest, I had a lot of anxiety and fear prior to entering. Even before opening the doors into the service room, I quietly reassured myself and tried to expect the circumstances. Even during prayer, something struck a chord within me. I couldn’t help but think of my family. One of the prayer topics was about broken families and that stuck with me. I do have a broken family. I recently found out that my parents’ marriage hasn’t been doing that great again and it honestly hurts me to see them in pain. I wish they would just get a divorce and go their own separate ways. Is that bad? To want them to get a divorce? But their personalities are so different and I think it’s just more harm then help at this point. I just want them to be happy. And they aren’t when they’re together. God, I don’t know what your plan is for them but please, take my mom out of her misery. It breaks my heart to see her struggle and feel that she has to bear the burden.

During the sermon, P. Billy preached about Joseph. By the way, the whole time, I couldn’t help but get distracted. I don’t know why. I did want to focus and I knew what was coming. “Trust.” It’s all about trust. And I have such a hard time with that. Y’know, I probably couldn’t concentrate because I didn’t want to face the truth. How unlike me. What happened? 

But yeah, “trust.” Man. I thought I got better at it and I think I did for a while but while out in Chicago, I felt the need to put up this false strong exterior once more and just rely on myself and not on others. I had to in order to survive. And there’s still no one in my life currently that I feel I can just freely open up to. Maybe to Jeanne or Andrew but there’s a part of me that feels bad. For Jeanne, I feel like I’m always the one that talks and she just listens. And I want to be here for her too. I do really want to help her with her problems and not just overwhelm her with mine. And for Andrew, it’s starting to feel like a job more than us caring for each other. Our conversations are so awkward now. We don’t know how to talk anymore. 

I’ll never forget when he said he’d always be here for me when I was freaking out at the beginning of the year though. That meant so much to me. I cried.

But back to “trust.” Trust. I have trust issues. I always have and I might always will. Trust in myself, in others, in God even. I feel like I don’t have anyone again and honestly, it’s been really hard to fend for myself. I don’t know anyone. I just feel

l o s t .

During his sermon, I couldn’t help but realize where my trust issues come from. It’s from my childhood and how I was raised. But most importantly, it all leads back to that one night at the beach. The night I’ll never forget. That I never can forget. And I know it wasn’t their fault. They didn’t mean to leave me. It was just because I was so quiet. But that night changed my life forever and I’ll never be the same. I still remember. I thought it was my fault. I thought I wasn’t good enough and I didn’t know what I did wrong. That night, my self esteem took a sharp blow and I’ve never fully recovered. Maybe I really do need a therapist...I want to get over this but I can’t tell this story without crying. Every. Time. From that night on, I vowed to be louder. And it was hard and I struggled and I still do but I want my voice to be heard. I need it to be heard. So that that doesn’t happen again.

The reason I always reach out to those kinda awkward and quiet isn’t because I feel bad for them. It’s because I am them. I’ve been there and I know what it’s like and I just want to be there for them. Because when I didn’t have anyone, I felt alone. And I don’t want anyone else to feel the way I did. I need to know that no one else is suffering the fate that I did. 

Dear God,

I don’t know how you plan to use me but please, I need your guidance. And I know it ultimately all comes down to me just really being able to trust you. And I’ve done it before and I loved it when you were the center of my life because everything made sense and I could always rest assured that everything would work out. And it did. But now I’m not so sure. A lot has happened since then and as much as I want to trust you, I don’t know if I can. I’m too scared. What if you’re not real? What if this fails? What if this. What if that. There are so many questions swirling around in my mind that are causing me to doubt you. And I don’t want that. I know that you are real. I know that we have met. I know that you saved me. I know. I know that in my mind and my heart but I still can’t help but become consumed by all my flaws and faults and mistakes and how I’m worse than other people and constantly comparing myself to others. And I don’t want to. Honestly, I don’t. It just makes me feel bad. But I still do. I’m my own worst enemy. I’m in my own way. And I don’t know how to get over that. As much as I want to.

God, I just pray. I really hope and pray. That I can find my way back to you. I don’t feel accepted enough to post in my church group anymore. Any of them. But I do need help and prayer and guidance and I don’t know who I can trust. P. Billy? Maybe? He seems to be the most understanding. I love his preaching style. He’s so funny and yet so blunt. He speaks the truth and is clothed in confidence from the Lord. And I really admire that about him. More than anyone else in my life, I look up to him the most.

Dear God,

I pray for guidance and healing. Please. You spoke to me on Sunday and I knew it was coming. I want to reread my sermon notes tomorrow and I really hope that I do. I’m not sure if I will but I really hope that I do. I want to review and see how you really spoke to me.

Thank you, God.

And I pray this all in your name.

Amen