#i said this is underbaked and i am working through it as i go. i would not lie to u

[vigilskeep]

how would the protagonist become the herald? without corypheus to blow the temple up?

that sure is a question. to which i have answers. definitely. for sure

okay my thought is roughly that there is still a rifts problem, which is likely to be a natural consequence of, you know, however many terrified mages there are being chased across the continent. i think that’s viable without whatever corypheus was doing, and is a much more believable but still dangerous fallout of widespread mage conflict than “the mages are crazy and kill indiscriminately!” i also can imagine that old god solas, if we’re doing that, is finding this a helpful cover to work on his own magical agenda, so we can still have an angle where his mistakes lead to the herald being affected with something along the lines of the anchor. he’s also likely to specifically engage with the black city, because of its link to the old gods and their fall, if he’s seeking more information about his own background

if the black city appeared through a window to a large number of your average people of thedas, and that window could be opened and closed at the will of a figure seemingly blessed with holy light and possibly not otherwise a mage at all, perhaps thus saving a city from this enormous rift, conclusions might be jumped to!

this is incredibly vague i know, i am really a vibes person not a logistics person i’m doing my best here. nevertheless i don’t think it’s that much more half-baked than why everyone in vanilla dai suddenly jumps to the andraste’s herald conclusion, except in this universe the point is that the people you are with would be actively encouraging this perception because they are the underdogs who have to do that or die, instead of the extremely weird caveat in vanilla dai where they’re somehow raising an army based on Not Not Saying That, and the protagonist’s active and public disagreement has zero consequences at all

it’s also still easy enough to wrangle a woman to appear behind the herald through the rift as “andraste”, which seems to be the deciding factor in the vanilla game. obviously it wouldn’t be the divine, here. perhaps a companion for the origin, or perhaps someone created the illusion on purpose. lots of directions to go

to me andraste’s herald says, “this person is a harbinger of the end times and the maker’s return” so i would be digging up everything the chant of light has to say about where the world is headed and what might be considered a sign of that. which is really fun for drawing on real history as well because people who believe the end times are coming right this instant are always up to some stuff

[twistedtummies2]

Gathering of the Greatest Gumshoes - Honorable Mentions

Welcome to A Gathering of the Greatest Gumshoes! During this month-long event, I’ll be counting my Top 31 Favorite Fictional Detectives, from movies, television, literature, video games, and more!

With that said, the countdown shall start tomorrow. Before we get to it, I want to go over some Honorable Mentions. These were Twelve Terrific Detectives who ALMOST made the cut, but not quite…

Benoit Blanc.

Combine Tennessee Williams with Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot, and you’ll basically have Benoit Blanc. Played by James Bond himself, of all people, Daniel Craig, Blanc is probably the most significant old-school detective character to come out within the past few years. The central sleuth of the film “Knives Out,” and its sequel, “Glass Onion,” Blanc is a Southern gentleman detective; a slightly eccentric private eye whose somewhat cartoonish attributes bely a steely mind and equally iron-clad will. The films are actually inspired by Christie’s works, and give a sort of Americanized view of the same sort of fiction. They play out with a similar sense of humor and style, but with a few unique twists of their own. I’m mostly including Blanc here because I’m 90% certain that if I DIDN’T, someone would call me out on it; nevertheless, he’s definitely worthy of praise.

2. C. Auguste Dupin.

Of all the detectives to come throughout this event, arguably none are as IMPORTANT as C. Auguste Dupin. This French gentleman sleuth was the invention of my favorite author, Edgar Allan Poe, who wrote three short tales featuring this character. The Dupin Trilogy – consisting of the stories “Murders in the Rue Morgue,” “The Mystery of Marie Roget,” and “The Purloined Letter” – is widely considered to be the birth of the modern detective story, and Dupin is just as widely credited as the first proper detective character in literature. Characters like Sherlock Holmes, Father Brown, and the aforementioned Hercule Poirot likely never would have existed if it weren’t for Poe’s “studies in ratiocination.” While this definitely makes Dupin worth noting – especially since I am a huge fan of Poe, and two of his Dupin stories (“Marie Roget” is sort of underbaked, in my opinion) – there’s not that much to say about the character, and he hasn’t captured the public imagination as strongly as other detectives who would follow him. Therefore, I don’t think I can, in all fairness, give him a place in the Top 31. For being the first of many, however, he has at least earned an Honorable Mention.

3. Eddie Valiant, from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

I’m specifically talking about the movie version here; I’ve never read the (much darker) book the famous film is based on. On that note: “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” is a bizarre little picture, which combines literal cartoon hijinks with the trappings of a film noir styled crime story. The story focuses on hard-boiled detective Eddie Valiant – played by Bob Hoskins, in perhaps my favorite of all his roles (well...more like second favorite) – going through the wacky world of Toontown to try and solve the titular mystery. He’s joined on his quest by Roger Rabbit himself, Roger’s human bride, Jessica, and a talking taxi cab. (Because why not?) Throw in encounters with tons and tons of famous cartoon characters, from Mickey Mouse to Bugs Bunny and so many more in-between, and it’s not a surprise this film has become so beloved. Eddie, himself, is a really fun character; much of the joy of the picture comes from the fact Hoskins generally plays the character pretty straight, which makes his reactions to the zany insanity of the cartoon world around him all the more hilarious.

4. Encyclopedia Brown.

I felt I had to include at least one “kid detective” in the bunch, and out of all the characters I could have chosen there, perhaps none are more emblematic of the genre than Encyclopedia Brown. The titular protagonist of a series of children’s detective books, Leroy “Encyclopedia” Brown is a highly observant and intelligent young man, who sells his deductive abilities the way most kids stereotypically work lemonade stands. Encyclopedia is the son of a police chief, who works and lives in the fictional seaside town of Idaville, U.S.A. Despite his youth, Encyclopedia often seems smarter than his old man, as he is extremely skilled at noticing little details that other people miss, and thus uses these inconsistencies to piece together the problem. He even has his own Mini-Moriarty to match wits with, in the form of a cunning but nasty town bully known as Bugs Meany. (Yes, that is apparently his real name.) While not especially complex, the Encyclopedia Brown books are still staples of children’s literature, being reprinted and pastiched numerous times since the 1960s. When I think of kid detectives, he’s probably the first character that comes to mind.

5. Jake Gittes, from Chinatown.

Jack Nicholson as a noir-style detective in some slick shades. (pauses) Do I really need to say anything else about why this one is awesome? I think that pretty much sums it all up in a nutshell. XD Honestly, more people are probably curious why Jake here isn’t in the actual countdown. Well, the fact of the matter is that I just don’t have a lot to SAY about Jake, and I blame this partially on the fact he only shows up in one movie. Most (though not all) of the detectives on the main countdown come from serialized pieces, having multiple episodes, installments, or general stories to their name. With only one film to his credit, Jake isn’t a bad detective, but it’s just hard to think of a whole lot to talk about with him, specifically, and he doesn’t stand out AS much compared to all the others who have so many appearances and so much more development behind them.

6. Johnny Dollar, from Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar.

Most of the detectives to come are the residents of film, television, and literature, primarily. However, there’s one medium that I feel doesn’t get enough credit nowadays: radio. Back in the golden age of radio, especially in America, detective radio programs were VERY popular; crime and mystery were hot topics, and there were TONS of shows and detective characters to choose from. One of my favorites was Johnny Dollar. Dollar is an insurance investigator, whose desire to help his clients often leads to him taking on cases larger than one would expect, and he has to adventure and snoop around a great deal to figure out the problem and bring those responsible to justice. The character was so popular, they would even have him break the fourth wall of reality at times, with guest stars who literally just played themselves (such as Vincent Price, who, in one episode, joins Dollar as a guest, acting as both client and sidekick at the same time). The character was played by several actors over the series run, the most popular arguably being Bob Bailey, who tackled the role for five whole years out its near-fifteen-year run. Johnny Dollar was so popular he would later be adapted into a TV film and a graphic novel, but most people will remember this intrepid investigator best for his radio adventures.

7. Mark McPherson, from Laura.

Played by Dana Andrews, Mark McPherson – the NYPD police detective protagonist of the classic film “Laura” – is a character who is sort of in the same boat as Jake Gittes. I absolutely love this movie; much like “Chinatown,” I think this is one of the absolute best examples of film noir storytelling there’s ever been. Not only that, but the film actually works as a legitimate mystery, with a couple of surprising twists and turns; something a lot of people don’t realize is that noir-style detective fiction doesn’t always focus on the mystery aspect of things, so it’s cool to see something that does while having all the other elements of that field. I also find it interesting how Mark’s character develops across the film, particularly in terms of his relationship to the titular character. However, beyond all that…again, I just don’t have a lot to say about McPherson, so I don’t think I can, in good conscience, give him placement in the Top 31.

8. Mike Hammer.

One of the most renowned noir-style detectives, private eye Mike Hammer really does live up to his name. He was originally created by author and actor Mickey Spillane, who wrote for Hammer in a series of books. Unlike some other sleuths of the era, such as Sam Spade or Philip Marlowe (the latter of whom won’t be on this countdown, apologies), Hammer isn’t just a hard-boiled cynic with a biting sense of wit that’s as sharp as his mind. He is a person with an outright vendetta, who goes after criminals with a stone-cold sense of focus and intensity. He is fiery and ferocious, not simply stopping but ATTACKING crime, as he harbors a deep-seated hatred for those who hurt other people for their own evil ends. His sense of morality and justice is a bit more ambiguous than most, as he is willing to bend and even break laws in order to see what he perceives as justice done, but at the same time has great respect for the police and is a highly patriotic figure. There’s a lot of gray areas to Hammer that make him stand out amongst the crowd of snap-brim-hat-toting detectives of this style and period. The character has been played excellently by a few actors, including Humphrey Bogart, Stacy Keach (my personal favorite, pictured here), and – get this – Mickey Spillane, the creator, himself! Talk about great casting!

9. Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys.

I already talked about kid detectives with Encyclopedia Brown, but we mustn’t forget the ever-so-slightly more advanced stage of things: teenaged detectives. When it comes to that sub-genre, few have been as long-lasting as Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys. These characters were the invention of Edward Stratemeyer: he was the head of the self-named publishing company Stratemeyer Syndicate, and acted as its editor and chief writer. Stratemeyer first created the Hardy Boys under the pseudonym “Franklin W. Dixon,” then later – wanting to create a female counterpart to fit into their universe, to appeal more to ladies – also thought up Nancy Drew, under the pseudonym “Carolyn Keene.” These pen names were important, as they allowed later ghost writers and other creators to publish the characters under the same oft-used pseudonym, that way Stratemeyer himself wouldn’t grow overtired due to all the other work he had to deal with. (This was a common practice back in the day.) The Hardy Boys were made in the late 1920s, and Nancy Drew first appeared in 1930; despite this age, not only are books still published and reprinted featuring these characters, but they’ve even been adapted to other media many times! In fact, as recently as 2019 there was a new Nancy Drew TV series, and in 2020 Hulu began airing a Hardy Boys series! That shows you, doesn’t it?

10. Richard Diamond.

This character was the invention of Blake Edwards, who is probably best-remembered today – especially when it comes to detective stories – for his comedy film series “The Pink Panther,” starring the determined but utterly dull-witted Inspector Clouseau. Before the antics of Clouseau, however, Edwards put his spin on the film noir genre with the radio production “Richard Diamond, Private Detective,” starring Dick Powell (pictured here, in costume for a promo photo). The series was a sort of semi-satire of the noir-style detective story, with a sarcastic and often tongue-in-cheek sense of humor, but also with a dark and dangerous edge that was typical of the genre. Even though what happened in it could be very funny (one of my favorite running gags was Elmer Fudd himself, Arthur Q. Bryant, as the voice of Diamond’s conscience), and the plots were sometimes absurd, it didn’t treat everything like a joke. When things got serious, you never doubted people could be hurt or worse. The radio show was so well-received that the character was later adapted into a TV series by the same title, featuring David Janssen as Diamond. The TV version was even more deliberately campy in tone, with Janssen’s Diamond as a somewhat “softer” character than Powell’s. Both are great (though I personally prefer the radio version), and well-worth looking up.

11. The Question.

As I said in the rules during my opening post, superhero characters are not going to be included here…depending on which superheroes you are talking about. Many superheroes can qualify as detectives, when you get down to it; most, if not all, are essentially fulfilling that role in their universe, by tackling crimes and facing foes that typical police can’t handle. However, there’s a big difference between a character like, say, Wonder Woman…and a character like The Question. True name Vic Sage, the Question is one of those characters you can basically consider a “super detective”: yes, they are included in the vein of the superhero genre, but the way they work is more like a classic detective than someone like Superman or the Grene Lantern. I use the DC analogies, by the way, because that is the company the Question hails from: originally created by rival company Charlton Comics, the Question was one of many Charlton characters “adopted” into the DC Universe when DC eventually bought out said rival. With his faceless demeanor, courtesy of a special mask, the Question is just as much a mystery as the crimes he seeks to solve. One of the more interesting elements of the character is that he has changed quite a lot over the years, with different writers putting a different spin on Vic Sage’s core philosophies and the kinds of adventures he goes on. Indeed, nowadays, Sage is not the ONLY Question; for a brief time, Gotham City police officer Renee Montoya – who had developed a romantic relationship with Vic – became the second Question. In typical comic book fashion, however, this was later retconned and Sage put on the mysterious mask once more. I was sorely tempted to include this character in the main list, but I actually haven’t read very many actual COMICS with the Question, so I don’t feel like it would be fair to do so.

12. Vincent Price’s Version of “The Saint.”

Our last Honorable Mention is kind of a case of cheating, I’ll admit, and that’s the main reason he IS just an Honorable Mention. Once again referring to my rules, I declared that characters like Arsene Lupin or William James Moriarty wouldn’t count here: while they have detective ELEMENTS, those characters I feel are really very different. They are what I would call “noble rogues,” characters more similar to Robin Hood than the aforementioned C. Auguste Dupin. The Saint is one of those characters…in his original format. In the books by Leslie Charteris, from which he originates, as well as in many other interpretations, Simon Templar – a.k.a. The Saint – is the so-called “Robin Hood of Modern Crime.” He is a gentleman thief who commits crimes against other criminals, for noble goals of his own. This, however, was NOT the case in the RADIO version of The Saint, which starred Vincent Price in the role of Templar. In the radio version, the character was softened up to be a more typical private detective, whose title of The Saint came from his impeccable manners and many good deeds. I absolutely loved this radio show; it’s one of my favorite detective radio programs of the period, and among my top ten Price pieces. HOWEVER, since this version of the Saint was an outlier to basically every other take on the same character, I didn’t feel like this one really ought to count in the Top 31. Sorry, Simon. I still love ya.

Tomorrow, the countdown begins in earnest, with Number 31! For clues in this event, I’ll be using quotes uttered by each detective featured in the main list. CLUE: “Be careful, Brain! Those are probably priceless fake artifacts!”

[carrionkid]

i am going to talk more about red the bullseye fankid because she’s fun... 2020 year of the fankids...

like i said in the first post she is like. basically semi-verbal. really only talks to bullseye and that is RARELY at that. she gets more talkative the older she gets but y’know. it’s never MUCH.

but of course because it’s *bullseye* he’s like. yeah i’m sure this is normal.

she also has a minor cleft lip on the left side

she is quite possibly the ONE person bullseye actually genuinely cares about in any kind of capacity.

that does have a lot to do with the fact that she’s his own flesh and blood.

however it is kind of fucking weird for him to be confronted with a little kid who looks so much like him especially when he gets so caught up in flashbacks he forgets he isn’t still a teenager sometimes (lbr, that happens.)

her probability manipulation is like. BASICALLY untrained because bullseye won’t let anyone step in and train her and also he’s kiiiind of in denial about the existence of superpowers bc being prone to delusions and unreality + trying to reconcile the existence of superhumans = not a fun time

bullseye stays straight (well, as close as he can manage without really knowing how to function in society) for about 17 years, just long enough that she gets through high school because he wants AT LEAST that for her.

then it’s back to being an assassin and/or thief on the run with her in tow. he’s more careful, less flashy and less willing to put his name on things because he’s got a REASON to avoid trying to be caught now

she does absolutely end up in the family business and she’s TERRIFYING. she doesn’t talk and you also CAN’T hide from her because she’ll just skew things so it’s more likely she’ll find you.

(and let’s be real, it’s almost worse if she IS talking to you while she’s trying to hunt you down because she does it *so rarely*)

she doesn’t really need a symbol because everyone kind of KNOWS she’s bullseye’s daughter.

she’s alluring and mysterious... people are drawn to her and she’s just kind of like -_-

she is still kind of underbaked.... i’m working on cooking her up.... 

[sage-nebula]

VLD - If The Way Is Hazy

Notes: I’ve been rewatching old seasons of The Great British Bake Off lately, and that, plus my cravings for Keitor, created this. This takes place in my Paradigm Shift alternate reality series, and it takes place before “Revolutionary”, meaning that Keith and Lotor are not a couple as of yet. However, it doesn’t take place too long before that fic, so the tension . . . is definitely there.

I wrote the vast majority of this on my phone before bed, so please excuse any typos. 

One day after taking possession of the Castle of Lions, Keith and Lotor decided to try their hands at baking.

They each knew how to cook, a bit. They had to learn when they first left Revender, because it was either that or starve. Acxa had remembered approximations of her grandmother's recipes, and other lessons, and she---as much of a lost kid as they themselves were, at the time---had done her best to impart her fragmented knowledge on them. But cooking was different than baking, and it was especially so when one had access to a full kitchen. They hardly knew where to start.

But they did want to start, or at least try, because Lotor knew Keith had a sweet tooth even if Keith wouldn't say so, and both of them wanted to surprise Acxa with a recipe she hadn’t found for them. So that brought them to the kitchen, and the ingredients, and an old recipe for a cake-like dessert Lotor had found in a book that looked older (and was nine times more valuable) than his father.

The bake itself was . . . an experience.

First they had to make the batter for the "sponge" (which Keith hoped was another word for cake, and Lotor said that it was, but he said so in a way that told Keith he was trying to convince himself as much as Keith). On paper, this was simple. In practice, they were covered in flour in ticks, and Lotor's hair cascaded over his shoulders and into the mixing bowl every time he leaned forward. On the third swing, Keith decided he had enough and took a knife to his own apron strings. The strip of fabric freed, he reached for Lotor's hair.

Lotor stepped out of reach. "What are you doing?"

"Your hair's in the way," Keith said. "C'mere, let me see."

This time, Lotor remained still as Keith swept swept his long hair back, his fingers brushing Lotor's cheeks and jaw as he did so. It was difficult to get all of it; there were a lot of annoying little strands at the base of Lotor's neck Keith couldn't get no matter how hard he tried. But he finally managed to tie most of Lotor's hair back in a messy ponytail, and stepped back to admire his work.

His powdery fingerprints, courtesy of the flour, were spattered across Lotor's jawline.

"Oh, uh, oops. Here, lemme---" Keith tried to wipe his prints away, but only succeeded in smearing more flour across Lotor's skin. He frowned. "It's getting worse."

Lotor's lips curled in a half-smile. "You know, I am not the only one with hair in my face."

"Wha---hey---!"

Lotor swept Keith's bangs up and off his forehead. Predictably, they fell right back into place. But judging from the flour all over Lotor's hand, Keith had a good idea of what was now on his forehead.

Lotor grinned. "We're two of a kind, now. A matched set."

Keith tried to bite back his own smile as warmth prickled beneath his skin; he wasn't so sure he succeeded. "C'mon, we've gotta finish making the sponge."

The recipe called for rucharies (a type of fruit) to be "suspended" in the sponge, whatever that meant. Lotor dropped a few in wholesale, while Keith chopped the rest.

"Are they meant to be chopped?" Lotor asked.

Keith shrugged. "We can get more of them in this way."

Lotor considered this, then nodded. "A fair point."

Once they were chopped in varying sizes, Keith haphazardly tossed the rucharies into the batter. That was when he and Lotor simultaneously realized three things:

One, they had yet to pour the batter into the baking pan.

Two, they had yet to locate the baking pan.

And three, they had forgotten to preheat the oven.

"Why does it need to be preheated? It's an oven. It's going to be hot," Keith grumbled, fiddling with the knobs as Lotor searched for a circular cake pan.

"Why must the cake be round?" Lotor asked, his voice a bit muffled with how he was leaning into the pan cabinet. "These are the questions that drive us."

Keith snorted a laugh.

Lotor found a circular pan and they poured the batter in before the oven finished preheating. Keith, not one to waste time waiting, declared the oven heated enough and put the cake in.

"There must be a reason recipes insist on preheating," Lotor said.

"It's heated enough," Keith insisted. Lotor smiled.

Making the icing was a bit easier than making the batter, but a moment of distraction led to Lotor accidentally tapping an icing covered spoon against the side of Keith's head, which caused a glob of frosting to get lodged in his hair. Both reached for it simultaneously, their fingers combing together. All they succeeded in doing was smearing it.

"It isn't so bad," Lotor said. "Pink rather suits you. It looks like a fashionable highlight."

Keith made a face at him just a tick before he swiped a fingerful of icing and ran it down a lone lock of hair that fell across Lotor's face.

"There," he said. "We match."

The surprise that had overtaken Lotor's expression fell away to muted laughter.

The icing made, all they had to do was wait for the cake. The recipe hadn't givem them a baking time, and so they were left seated on the floor in front of the oven, watching through the little window on the door.

"Think this'll be a disaster?" Keith asked after a bit.

"With you at the helm? Absolutely not."

Keith raised an eyebrow. "I've never baked a cake before."

"No, but your instincts are impeccable. I have no doubt."

Keith looked down, and toyed the fabric of his pants between his fingers. After a moment, he asked quietly, "Why do you have so much faith in me?"

Lotor hummed. "Why do you have so little?"

Keith's head snapped up, his eyes wide, to find Lotor staring steadily back at him. He hastily looked away again. "I---I don't."

Lotor hummed again, but didn't reply.

Keith cleared his throat. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You never answered my question." Keith looked back, and this time his stare met Lotor's, unwavering.

Lotor was silent for a moment, resting his cheek against curled fingers as he studied Keith. Finally, he smiled softly. "You've never given me a reason not to."

Keith's breath was shallow in his chest. No words could reach his voice.

Eventually, they took the cake (and it was a cake, not a bath sponge, to Keith's relief) from the oven. Keith immediately set to applying the icing, which turned out to be a mistake; it started melting the moment it touched the cake.

"Perhaps we should let it cool before we apply any more," Lotor suggested.

Keith huffed a sigh, but dropped the knife. "Yeah. Sure."

The waiting game was painful. Keith only lasted ten doboshes before he gave up, and with Lotor's help patched in globs of icing wherever there was a hole from the frosting melting off before. And once it was done, they called the girls in to try their creation.

Ezor's eyes were wide as she surveyed the kitchen, and Zethrid asked, "The hell happened in here?"

Keith gestured to the counter in front of him. "Cake."

The girls made their way over, Kova hopping from Narti's shoulder to the counter once he was near enough.

Acxa frowned. "It looks . . ."

"A mess," Zethrid said bluntly.

Keith scowled, and crossed his arms. "It's covered, isn't it?"

"What happened to the icing?" Ezor asked, and without waiting for an answer she skimmed a finger along the top and popped it in her mouth. She beamed. "Mmm, yummy!"

Keith smiled as Lotor said, "There was a bit of an incident with a warm sponge, but we resolved it to the best of our ability."

"You mean you covered the mistakes with more icing?" Acxa asked.

"Precisely."

Kova yawned loudly, and when she had their attention, Narti raised her hands and signed, "It is the taste that counts, and Ezor said the icing was good. Shall we try the rest?"

Zethrid swiped the knife off the counter, and grinned broadly as she said, "Oh yeah. Let's cut this sish."

Despite her boistrous tone, she sliced through the cake cleanly, separating a slice from the rest. Acxa raised her eyebrows as she peered inside.

"Most of the rucharies are suspended," she said.

"Really?" Keith leaned over as well, staring inside. "How can you tell?"

"They're all through the cake, see?" Acxa prodded at them with her fork, and Keith blinked.

"Oh. Got it."

"Too bad the bottom's all soggy," Zethrid said, poking the slice with her fork. "It's soaked through."

"Wait, wait," Ezor said, before Keith could protest, "what'd you say their bottom was?"

"Soggy."

Ezor was shaking, her cheeks puffed with barely surpressed laughter. "So they've got a soggy bottom?"

Acxa rolled her eyes as Zethrid snorted and lightly bumped her fist against Ezor's shoulder.

"How can it be wet?" Keith demanded. "It spent all that time in the oven!"

"Not enough," Acxa said after swallowing her bite. "It's underbaked."

"What?"

"Did you dry the fruit out before putting it in?"

"I'm afraid not," Lotor said. "But we did chop them."

"If the fruit was moist, that explains the . . . soggy bottom," Acxa said as Ezor broke into another fit of giggles. "The extra moisture came from the fruit. But it's still underbaked."

"Fine, we'll put it back in the oven," Keith said.

"You can't do that, the icing'll melt!" Ezor said.

"It already melted once!"

Narti tapped Keith's arm, and when he looked her way, she tilted her head consolingly in his direction as she signed, "The flavors are still very good, Keith."

"Just a shame about the bake," Zethrid said.

Keith bit out another sigh between his teeth, but before he could say anything more, Kova smacked his front paw on top of the cake.

"Kova!" Ezor cried.

"Gods damn it, cat!" Zethrid said.

Kova, thoroughly unperturbed by their anger, set to licking the frosting off his paw.

"See? Kova likes it," Narti signed, her tail swishing in happy curls behind her.

"Well, at least someone does," Keith muttered.

The cake, underbaked as it was, was unfortunately inedible. The girls filed out of the kitchen, Narti bodily carrying Kova away, and Keith poked at the paw print Kova left behind with a fork. After a tick, he smiled bitterly. "Guess you were wrong."

"About?"

"To have faith in my baking."

"I'd hardly say that." Lotor reached over and swiped some frosting off the cake with his finger, licking it as Ezor and Kova had before him. "This is delicious. Ezor, Narti, and Kova were correct."

"It's underbaked. And---"

"The rucharies that were suspended were the ones you chopped. Mine were at the bottom." Lotor smiled when Keith looked over to meet his eyes. "Your instincts were on the mark. We only need to refine our technique."

Keith looked back at the cake. He almost felt like smiling, but he held it back. "Yeah, well. We can do that next time. If---If you want. To do this again, I mean."

Lotor's smile didn't fade. "I would very much like to."

Once again, Keith felt a surge of warmth. His heart was drumming an arrhythmic beat, and as it had before, his breath felt too weak in his lungs. They were alone in the kitchen. As much as he was aware of the heat, the charge, he was aware that they were alone. They were . . . he could . . .

Keith dug his nails into the countertop, and his teeth into his lower lip. No. He couldn’t.

He cleared his throat.

“We should probably get this cleaned up,” he said, and motioned to the mess all over the counter, cake included. “So we can all eat dinner later.” 

He glanced back out of the corner of his eye to see that Lotor was still staring at him, his eyes burning just as before, but now his lips were pressed tightly together. 

After a tick, Lotor nodded. He turned away as he took a deep breath through his nose.

“Quite right. I wouldn’t dream of leaving the kitchen in this state. It’ll start with the ingredients, if you’d like to handle the cake?”

“Sure thing.” 

Silence fell as Lotor began to put away the flour and eggs, and Keith carried the inedible cake over to the bin. Something in his chest dropped as the cake slid off the pan and into the trash, but even as he squeezed the edges of the pan he knew it was less about that, and more about . . .

He stole a glance to the other side of the room. Lotor was neatly stacking the non-perishables in the pantry, his back to Keith. His hair was still tied back with the strap from Keith’s apron.

He thought . . . he was probably imagining it, but for a moment, Keith thought that maybe . . . maybe he was wrong, and Lotor also wanted . . .

He shook his head.

It didn’t matter. He was imagining it. And even if he wasn’t, they had a revolution to win.

He carried the empty cake pan over to the sink, and once it was in, turned on the tap.

[rosegardentwilight]

A Moment in Time Chapter 4

Adrien’s jaw dropped from slight bewilderment at why such a gorgeous girl would randomly sit down at his table and start talking away. The only problem? His name wasn’t Adam.

AU- Alya sets Marinette up on a blind date with a guy named Adam, but after a phone incident and the time change, she ends up crashing at a different table thinking it’s her date.

Chapter 3/12?  maybe more?

Tagged per request: rosalind2013

A.n.- I think I'm going to repeat how thankful I am for you guys every single chapter because you blow me away with the support this story is getting. It humbles me and makes me work harder to produce a better chapter for you. A couple of things before we start.

1.) There was lots of debate of what Adrien's job was last chapter. He is a Paramedic. Now where I live ( and other places too) there are two kinds, one works out of the hospital and the other has stations that take calls just like firefighters and take calls 24/7. Hopefully, that clears some stuff up.

2. For those of you that haven't noticed, there's a question mark in the chapters. The story has expanded a bit. (Currently, I think it's going to be 12 chapters but that might change so I left it). Yay more chapters.

3. A shoutout to Mermaidyarn and The Novel Artist, because of them, an extra plot element was added that I think everyone would approve of. I know I had fun doing research for it.

“So, what’s about Adrien?” Marinette asked unsure how to start this impromptu conversation. There wasn’t any etiquette that she knew of regarding a stranger visiting you late at night. She ventured back into the kitchen to put the kettle on the stove after offering Nathalie tea.

“Maybe you should take a seat Mlle Dupain-Cheng.” From the moment she met Nathalie, her cold demeanor, Marinette could tell that this wouldn’t be a pleasant conversation. She took a seat anyway. “I’m going to cut to the chase. M. Agreste wants to offer you a deal.”

“Deal?” she echoed. “What kind of deal, surely there’s nothing that he would want from me.” M. Agreste had all the influence needed to get anything that he wanted. She owned a bakery there was nothing-

“M. Agreste is concerned about his son and the kind of people that his son would spend time with.” Her head still spun from the knowledge that Adrien was her favorite designer’s son. It added some light for another reason he didn’t share his name right away; he might be concerned that she would treat him differently. She should have realized it sooner, but it had been years since he graced the pages of magazines.

“What does this have to do with me?” She stumbled over her words unsure of the direction of the conversation.

“My employer is prepared to pay generously to make the proper influences stay in, or in your case, out, of Adrien’s life.” Her body turned to lead, and for once she was thankful that she was seated.

“Let me get this straight,” she started. “M. Agreste sent you in the middle of the night to bribe me to stay away from his son because he deems me a bad influence?” This couldn’t be happening. “Might I ask what was so despicable about my behavior that caused him to think I’m corrupting his son?” She spat back as her anger levels increased.

“I’m not privy to that information,” Nathalie’s stiff tone provided room for doubt. “He noticed that you had traveled to the bank recently for a loan to open another store.” Nathalie offered out a check. “I’m sure you’ll find this more than satisfactory to cover the gap.” Marinette’s eyes drifted over the paper- that was a lot of zeroes.

“You need to leave,” the tremors laced through her words. “Now.”

“I beg your pardon.” Judging by her body language, she never got asked to leave before.

“Adrien is perfectly capable of choosing his own friends. Not that it’s any of your business, but we are not talking right now, but if that changes that will be between Adrien and me.” Nathalie stood up grabbing the check along with her.

“I’d advise you not to anger him Mlle Dupain-Cheng, M. Agreste is not a patient man. I’ll give you another chance and inform him that you shall think about his offer. It could do big things for your bakery, especially since you two are not corresponding currently.” She placed her card on the table in front of Marinette nodded curtly and headed straight for the door.

Tikki couldn’t help but push her worry into her baking. Marinette left at 10 to travel across town for a cake tasting, but even before she left, she wasn’t acting her usual self. She forgot who she was meeting with several times throughout the hour, pulled a batch of underbaked croissants out of the oven, not to mention misplaced her keys. Not that Marinette would confess if anything did bother her, but Tikki began to wonder if her behavior was caused by the Adrien news finally settling in. It didn’t take much to see that she liked Adrien, what he did must have really affected her. Tikki didn’t usually speak up too much, but she knew that if the two got over this hump that the pair could make each other happy. The bell above the door chimed signaling a customer, Tikki quickly gathered the remaining dough and slid it into the fridge. She only made the couple steps to the doorframe when she stopped, and a gasp escaped her lips.

Why was he here?

Tikki thought that after they left the bakery that she wouldn’t see either of the boys again, but there he stood in the bakery, Adrien’s friend. She ruffled down the front of her apron and nervously smoothed the hairs that shifted out of place. She rationalized that she would have done the same for any customer, not just ones she found cute.

“How may I help you?” She asked in her usual chipper voice. When she saw his mouth parted and eyes widened, she regretted it. Perhaps she could tone her tone; she had been told before that her excitement over baked goods intimidated people.

“Uh-I was looking for”- For a reason that she couldn’t put her finger on, her heart sunk. That’s why he was here, for Marinette, it didn’t have anything to do with her.

“She’s not here,” she finished his thought for him.

“Who?” The general confusion in his voice brought her attention to his melt-worthy green eyes. Not that she would ever admit to that.

“Marinette.”

“Well,” he squinted to read her name tag, “Tikki, I’m actually here to finally taste the pastries Adrien keeps raving about. He doesn’t even know that I’m here.”

“Oh,” her gaze shot down to her feet hoping if she could focus enough she could slip into the floor. “The cheese ones, right?” The order came swiftly to mind; not many customers ordered three pastries with the intent not to share.

“Some of the best kinds, if you ask me.”

“I’m more partial towards the ones with the raspberry jam myself.” She pulled back the glass to gain access to the pastries.

“Well, that makes sense because you’re so sweet.” Tikki stopped mid-reach and glanced up this time a confident smirk on her face.

“Does that make you cheesy?” Normally she would never flirt with the customers, but this one time could be an exception.

“Only in the best way possible...and if it means that I can take you out this weekend.”

Tikki blinked in surprise at his boldness before turning away to box the food and hide the growing heat in her face.

“No, it doesn’t,” she replied. Marinette would kill her if she said yes, especially with where things were up in the air with Adrien.

“Oh,” Tikki turned to see his facial features sink in disappointment. She didn’t want to leave him there. Out of the corner of her eyes, she spotted a sharpie and grabbed it. Her number followed by several digits were placed on the box before Plagg even noticed.

“But you can have my number.” The way his face lit up caused a small flutter in her chest.

“I’ll see you around, Cookie.” A wink accompanied the nickname.

“Cookie?” She called out. “Is that just because I work in a bakery?” If that was the case, it didn’t impress her in the least.

“I’ll only tell you if you agree to that date with me.” As tempting as giving in to her curiosity was, she had to keep her boss in mind. She already flirted with the line when she handed out her number.

“I think I can handle the torture of not knowing.” She places her hand on her lip to emphasize her answer, but it didn’t faze him.

“Suit yourself, Cookie.” Plagg slipped out, and Tikki found she needed the counter as support for her wobbly knees. Moments later her phone dinged with a message from an unknown number. It contained a picture of the empty box and three words that skyrocketed her pulse with excitement.

See you tomorrow.

“No way!” Adrien crossed his arms across his chest. “You can count me out; there’s no way I’m doing something that embarrassing.” In retrospect, he should have seen this coming. The meeting for the annual fundraiser for charity always landed around this time of the year. Bad ideas always got tossed around, and this one was no different. Adrien never imagined a sexy EMT calendar idea would ever make it to the meeting where the chief would sit in, and yet, here they were.

“Come on Adrien,” Charlie prodded teasingly. “It’s for charity! Think of all the good you can pour back into the community and all you have to do pose for a couple of photos. How is this any different from your modeling career when you were younger?” Adrien’s body stiffened. He had concealed that information to avoid being relentlessly teased. There was no way that they could have found out — the one person who knew was Plagg.

“This is very different!” Adrien tried to argue, but by the look on their faces, no one believed him.

“You had teenage girls gawking at you then, and you’ll have women ogling you now.” James piped in.

“And besides the guys took a vote to put you on the cover, and Chief already approved it,” Luc replied. It was evident by the groans and eye rolls that it should have remained a secret. Adrien’s eyes bolted wide. It was one thing to participate, but if you were featured on the cover, you were the face of the campaign.

“What?!”

“Let me talk some sense into him.” Plagg guided him away before he could give them a piece of his mind. Once the trucks have them some privacy, Adrien slugged his friend in the arm.

“Ouch! What was that for?”

“You promised you wouldn’t tell them!” He hissed in annoyance.

“I didn’t! A single internet search can reveal all your deep dark photo shoots in more damaging ways than I can.” Adrien would be inclined to believe him if he hadn’t been his friend for the last couple of years.

“You left the site up for them to see.” He started as a fact as everything clicked together in his brain.

“It may have randomly pulled up after I heard rumors that they wanted me to be on the cover,” he confessed.

“Plagg!”

“Think of it this way; you could use it to win over bakery girl.” Adrien’s anger stilled at the nickname.

“Marinette?” He echoed. “How?”

“Think about it. If Marinette sees you in a calendar where you ooze your sex appeal, she won’t be able to resist you.” Plagg held up His hands in front of his person to prevent another punch.

“Like that will ever happen,” Adrien snorted, “Marinette isn’t like that.”

“She has eyes, doesn’t she?” Plagg shot back defensively. “Besides, it’s not like your plan is working spectacularly.” Adrien opened to shoot back a snarky remark when he realized that Plagg was right. He had put forth flowers, and it got him kicked out of her bakery. He had nothing left to lose.

“Fine, I’ll do it,” he growled. “But there’s a flaw in your ‘master plan,’ she might not even see it.”

A ding filled the air, and Plagg’s lips tucked back into a smirk not needing to look to know the sender. “Let me handle that.”

Marinette forced on a smile while trying not to look at her phone. Their first coffee date had gone so well she found herself hopeful among all of Alya’s ‘I told you so.’ Tonight, was far from what she imagined. Adam arrived late which he explained away with work. She didn’t mind that; it was everything after that that slowly worked on her nerves.

Adam had suggested this hot new sushi place that had opened recently. And Marinette held back a cringe. It wasn’t that she didn’t like sushi, it more had to do with the texture of it. She forced it down when she had to, but not ideal for a date. She confessed her feelings for the food and suggested a couple of other places they could go instead. The date ended abruptly by Adam’s boss calling, and he had to high tail it to the office for a prominent client.

Imagine her surprise when they pulled up to the sushi restaurant. Her lips pressed into a thin line but didn’t say anything as she got out of the car. He flashed a warm smile, but it did nothing to lift her mood.

“Marinette?” Her head snapped up to meet his gaze. “Is everything ok? You’ve barely touched your food.”

“I just don’t like it all that much,” she confessed. Hopefully, the words would prompt Adam to remember when she explicitly told him that she didn’t care for sushi.

“We’ll get it sent back. Here, have some of mine instead. It’s delicious.” He switched plates and called over a waiter before she could object. The thought might have been sweet if the sushi wasn’t the problem in the first place. “So, how’s planning for that cook-off going.”

“Baking competition,” she corrected. Cook-off made it sound like a competitive barbecue. “I’m still working on the right combination. I was thinking of maybe doing something with chocolate and raspberries because-“ she slowed watch him lose interest being pulled back into his work phone.

A sigh left her lips as she fought the urge to get up and leave despite being all the way across the city. They had such a good time on their first date; she didn’t know what happened. Maybe he acted like this when things became too stressful at work. She’d hate to write him off over one lousy date.

“Adam?” He looked up at her call. “I’m not feeling well. Is there any way we could do a rain check?” It would be best to put the night behind them and start over on a different day.

“Absolutely,” he chirped. “Just let me flag down the waiter for the check.”

Adam dropped her off at home, and immediately she took off to her second home. Marinette sat on at an open table within her closed bakery glancing back to the kitchen wondering how many batches she could cook before her body would give out for the day. She glanced at her phone almost wishing that Adrien would have texted her today. Despite how silly the text was, it brought a smile every time she read them. Her phone only had one text from Adam claiming how good a time he had.

If only the feelings were mutual.

She at least had a better time with Adam than Kim, but that didn’t say much. It seemed that work texts or emails kept getting in the way and that caused him not to listen. Marinette was sure he had to be a good guy, they had to go where there were no distractions.

She couldn’t help but allow her mind to drift back to Adrien throughout the meal. There was no doubt that she had more fun with him than Adam the only downside to Adrien was that his father hated her guts enough to offer money to stay away. The thought crushed any childhood idea she had that if she got back into design that one day she could work at Gabriel’s with enough work.

As alluring as the money was, she would find another way to get the money for the bakery. She wouldn’t be pushed around and told who and who not she could be friends with. By the way, Nathalie spoke it sounded like M Agreste was under the impression that deeper feelings were there; that couldn’t be true though. They only had one date. The first impression was important, but not everything. Cheeks flushed she pulled another part of her muffin off and placed it in her mouth. Out of the corner of her eye, passing through the window was something very blonde and familiar. His hands were shoved in his pocket and eyes trained on the ground as he walked; he probably didn’t even realize she was there.

She shot up from her seat. If fate brought him to her, how could she pass up the opportunity? Her feet tripped over themselves as she raced to the door- screw M. Agreste’s potential wrath.

“Adrien!” She called out, his name leaving a honey taste on her lips. She missed talking to him.

The man spun around with no hesitation at the sound of her voice. Marinette’s eyes lingered on his face for a second. The area resting under his eyes were bagged; he looked like he hadn’t gotten much sleep, a feeling she could relate with.

“What are you doing?” Not her best question after the way they parted. He blinked at her his head tilted slightly.

“Going for a walk,” he strained his reply. “Uh-I didn’t think you would be in the bakery this late.” Marinette felt the echoes of her heart fluttering as he stepped toward her. “I’ll start taking another way. I’m sorry if I bothered you.”

Marinette ignored his last sentence hoping that her invitation would answer that question. “I was just about to make a practice batch for the competition...would you like to join me?”

“You mean it?”

“I mean-I don’t want to interrupt your walk.” Marinette had to bite her tongue so she wouldn’t ramble, “I wanted some company.”

“Then I am all yours.” The way he said yours caused goosebumps to litter her arm. Even if this was a bad idea, it was too late to go back now.

An hour later the pair were doubled over in laughter not even noticing the blotches of flour remained from their playful war earlier that night. Adrien currently entertained them with funny stories of calls he had been dispatched on.

“We got the call, and I thought I heard wrong. The dispatcher said that some teenager had sustained some head injury from falling off a lion. But we got directed towards the zoo.” Adrien was reveling in this feeling. Every time he looked over she was engaged listening on bated breath.

“No way,” she swatted at his arm playfully almost causing him to mess up the story.

“Three teenagers decided it would be an amazing idea to break into the zoo and get up close and personal with the animals.”

“What made decide to be a paramedic?” A soft, sad smile appeared as his eyes fell to the table instead of her.

“I love helping people when they need it. No matter what the outcome I know I did everything I could to save them.” When he felt a warm hand slid on top of his Adrien’s eyes jumped up to hers.

“I think it’s amazing what you do for the city.” Despite the reassurance she provided with a squeeze, Adrien still skeptically scoffed.

“I don’t think my father would agree. He thinks I’m much better suited running the empire that he built.”

“I’m sure you’re more than capable of doing that too, but if you enjoy what you do, it hardly feels like work.” Marinette jumped when Adrien’s thumb started stroking the edge of her hand lovingly.

“Thank you,” he murmured. The moment shattered when the timer rang signaling the end of the cooling period. Marinette removed two pieces, but before she could taste her creation, Adrien reached out and tugged on her arm.

“Wait, I have an idea, and we need to do this right.” He acquires a perplexed look as he began wrapping a nearby clean towel.

“Adrien”- her vision darkened. “How am I supposed to eat it?”

“Leave that to me.” She wasn’t aware that he shifted until his hot breath lingered outside her ear. “Your senses are heightened this way. Have I ever led you astray...in culinary matters.” Even though he couldn’t see, Marinette rolled her eyes, and her lips released a giggle.

“Ok, I trust you, but no funny business.” She gasped when his hands gently grabbed either side of her shoulders. “No funny business,” he confirmed, but she could hear his smile. He guided her a few more steps, and she felt the stool, so she sat down grateful that she didn’t fall in doing so. Her ears picked up the sounds of the fork gently scraping against the plate.

“Open,” he whispered, and she immediately complied. The chocolate and peanut butter flavor danced on her taste buds leaving joy in their wake. Marinette released a hum of appreciation, but it ended in more of a moan.

Adrien was a train wreck, he thought this would be one of his better ideas, but the second that sound hit his ears, he was a goner. His eyes darted down to a crumble that rested on her lip and swallowed hard. She was close enough to close the gap without a second thought. He daydreamed what it would be like, but his promise to her kept him from acting on it.

“You got something...” his voice trailed away not trusting himself at the moment. He gently ran his finger along her lip knocking the morsel free. He jerked his hand back to the side afraid he let his touch linger too long. “Uh- How was it?”

“Perfect,” Marinette struggled to maintain the illusion of control in her voice. “I think it’s the base of recipes”- In the process of standing up, she didn’t realize how close he had been until she slid off the temporary blindfold. Adrien eyes wide mouth parted slightly, and conflicting emotions conflicted emotions stamped on his features.

“That’s great,” he replied but made no effort to create more distance between them.

“Yeah,” Marinette caved and let her eyes flicker down to his lips for only a second. “Adrien,” she leaned in, and he followed suit just as their lips brushed-Alya’s ringtone acted as an ice bucket splashing the two back to reality. Marinette’s cheeks exploded with color as she slipped around him and fumbled to lift the phone to her ear.

“Hey Alya,” Adrien’s focus turned to the floor not wanting to eavesdrop, but on the other hand, it was hard to ignore when she was right there. “I’m at the bakery.” She paused, and he managed to look up just enough to time to see him glance her way. “My date went fine, Alya…no, I’m not brushing you off. I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Adrien couldn’t stop his heart from sinking off the high he experienced moments ago.

She had Adam.  How could he forget?

If she had another date with Adam that meant that there was something between them, and he- almost ruined that.

Guilt ripped at his insides. He couldn’t interfere if Marinette held any feelings for Adam he had to step back. He’d rather be her friend than not have her in his life at all.

When she rounded back, the look she sported screamed injured puppy, and his stomach turned to lead.

“I’m sorry-“ he held out a hand to stop her from going any further.

“I’m the one that’s sorry. We got caught up in a moment,” Adrien paused internally cursing at what he was about to do. Plagg would yell at him later, but he started this off with a lie. He needed to be honest with her if he wanted any chance of a relationship in the future.

“I like you.” Probably more than I should, he mentally added. “But for now, I think it’s best if we’re friends.” The word tasted bitter on his tongue. He couldn’t be the reason their relationship wouldn’t work.

“Friends?” She echoed bewildered.

“I still want to spend time with you.”

As much as you’ll give me.

“But I know you still have Adam, but I was thinking friends hang out, so I was hoping that maybe we could go on a friend date.” He stopped before his word vomit could fully activate.

“I’d like that.” Her smile radiated off her sending warmth through his body. “It’s getting late; I should probably go home.”

“Can I walk you?” His question born out of gut instinct. He didn’t want their time to end. “You shouldn’t be walking the streets this late by yourself.”

“I would love to, but my car is right there.” His heart deflated as they stepped out into the night air.

“Goodnight, Marinette.”

“Goodnight.” There was a pause as she fiddled with her car keys. “Adrien?”

“Yes?” She closed the gap and pressed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you.” He barely caught sight of the subtle blush on her features.

“You’re welcome,” he stood there until her car drove off before he lifted his hand to his cheek. The kiss lingered, and Adrien found he couldn’t break his dopey grin. Maybe there was hope after all.

Adrien unlocked the door and pushed his way into his apartment. Within moments he heard a soft sound. “I know I’m home later than I promised, I’m sorry.” Where he picked up the habit of talking to his cat, he didn’t know, but every time he did he felt less alone.

Another chorus of meows endured.

“But I can’t wait to tell you all about my night.” Adrien continued through the motions of opening the cat food and pouring it into the bowl. “She’s amazing Chat; I wish you could meet her; you would like her.” A glum sigh slipped through his lips. Although a friend date was less than a real date, it beat her not talking to him at all.

“I could talk to her for hours.” He sunk back into the couch allowing his mind to replay the events of the night over and over. It got interrupted by Chat tracing his side flicking his tail in Adrien’s face. “Alright, I get it bud.” He scooped the black cat into his lap and began to stroke him earning a purr. The movement released his stress he pent up, about his father, the calendar and Marinette. The world faded leaving only him and his cat cuddled on the couch slowly allowing sleep to claim him.

[spookyjudgement]

GBBO 2020 reactions Episode 4: Chocolate week, in which I presume I must push through my anger as the bakers are punished for failing to do chocolate work in an un-airconditioned tent in the middle of summer.

Ew with Paul being an ass in the preview.

“Chocolate releases endorphins but that tent does not always release endorphins” is both an excellent take and v sad.

Prue doesn’t want decorations...did she mention that when they were telling the bakers what to do this round? Of course not, immediately Lina has decoration.

LOL Matt’s shots at Paul while talking to Dave. A horrible man with a beard. A perfect description of Paul Hollywood.

Oh good luck to Peter, that sounds complicated and Paul and Prue seem judgy. I think it sounds like a good idea! Figs and chocolate go well together!

BAKING’S FOR LOSERS, NOEL PLEASE NOT IN A TENT FULL OF BAKERS

Ruby chocolate returns in Sura’s brownies I should google this and figure out what it is.

Oooooh Lottie is playing it risky with the double bake...good luck with her

Hermine is doing white chocolate, I hope they don’t take shots at her for that. Paul shut up and stop psyching her out about the oven temp. HERMINE DON’T LISTEN TO HIMMMMM

It’s baking, they’re brownies, of course they’re all sweet and of course the bakers will go for sweet toppings! Prue...please don’t follow through on your rubbish pre-bake comment.

You know your meringue is done when you have a trump on your whisk, incredible advice from Mark.

Paul should be banned from the tent/confined to a chair, I hate seeing him lurking behind the bakers.

Oof Lottie has an excellently dark/realistic way of describing things. It’s very funny. Freezer drip...I feel that. I suppose now we have an answer for why bakers don’t always put stuff in the freezer.

How much you want to bet Peter’s brownies are delicious and Paul is just taking it out on him because they’re not plain brownies.

Laura...oh no...Paul is gonna shit on her for it. Prue and Paul shut up about the topping.

Fuck off Paul, he just doesn’t like ruby chocolate and will shit on people for it. I agree with Laura, ruthless.

They’re once more hitting Mark with the stupid too sweet comment. What does Paul mean about the textures comment? Is he just mad about the biscuit base at all?

Of course Hermine got knocked for white chocolate. I didn’t think her flavors sounded like too much...

It seems like they just don’t like anyone’s brownie bakes.

Paul??? Why the fuck are you coming down on Hamish for being messy at the end? They were hot? The bake was good on those.

Moral of the story is that they didn’t want the contestants to do anything but a basic brownie. Like Lottie said, they all tried something different and Paul and Prue were basic as all hell and grossed out by everyone’s brownie variations. Like...what did they think they were going to get? This is Bake-Off, they’re always talking about creativity (and this season they literally saved Rowan for a week based on ideas alone). The inconsistency from P&P is ridiculous.

Mark don’t worry, the audience knows Paul and Prue are full of shit.

Paul, fuck off with the brownie challenge was easy.

Prue stop lurking.

aksdjfakjhdf oh no babka technical.

Well, with any luck Peter will remember what it is from previous seasons so maybe at least one of them stand a chance. I don’t trust whether they’ve been given detailed enough instructions.

Make the dough. Of course.

“Here we are again trying to make rectangles out of circles” iconic words from Lottie again.

LOL SURA THIS IS ALL EXTRA IT’S TOO LONG. Nervous for her for that decision.

How much you want to bet none of them had enough time for proving and baking really. It seems like very few of them have gotten theirs to increase anywhere near enough in size.

Good to see Peter’s looks good. Even though it hasn’t risen “as much” that tells me they had not enough time to prove really.

The fact that plaits didn’t seem to correspond to their taste conclusions tells me maybe they need to think harder about their judging criteria/maybe they are shitty tasters.

“bobka” you’re a judge Prue.

askdfjhasdfkh the fucking weather during chocolate challenges I’m praying for Sura but it’s summer.

OMG NOEL AND MATT’S INTRO TO THE SHOWSTOPPER I’M DYING. No more nappy for Paul!

Ah fuck white chocolate...here’s hoping Paul and Prue don’t slam them for sweetness. White chocolate is sweet. Also the decorations...in the tent...they’ll probably make them temper.

THERE WE GO FUCKING PAUL SAYS TEMPERED AND ALSO SAYS THEY MAY START TO MELT TF DO YOU EXPECT MAN. YOU TELL THEM TO MAKE WHITE CHOCOLATE DECORATIONS ok I’m probably gonna be pissed at this judging.

You only have to be not the worst??? What a vote of confidence in her abilities Prue.

I’m afraid for Sura. We know they do POC dirty and they were explicitly like “you did badly yesterday”.

ohh I’m scared for Peter...chocolate collars...hot tent...fingers crossed

I think Hamish should take Matt’s advice. Or maybe Matt should take Hamish’s advice and do it himself.

“The directions were brilliant” no they weren’t Linda. No they weren’t. Don’t give the bearded man a compliment.

I’m glad Matt is being realistic about Prue and Paul’s sweetness bs. Call! Them! Out!

Peter, the cake-whisperer listening to his cakes.

Oh. It’s too warm. Who knew that was gonna happen. And Paul’s gonna punish them for it as though he could deal with this warmth.

We went from one hour to ten minutes in no time at all...

I’m worried, they all seem like they’re struggling with the white chocolate temps. Peter said he needed chilling time and it doesn’t look like he’ll get any.

Less is not more, I feel that Lottie!

Worried about Sura...she seems stressed. Hamish is trying to help her...but she is many stress...

I’m surprised they think Mark’s looks good? I thought it looked a little plain.

It needs more of a hero flavor??? WHITE CHOCOLATE ISN’T AN OOMPHY FLAVOR!!!!! WHAT DID YOU EXPECT!

Lottie’s looks lovely.

I don’t think Sura’s looks bad! The cakes are a little tilty but the chocolate work is nice! Oh no :’(. Paul took a jab at her recipe since she mentioned the water, really only the bottom sponge seemed underbaked though? Really worried for her.

I mean white chocolate means a darker sponge no? Why’d he slam Dave for it? I feel like everyone has dark sponge edges, they’ve just covered it up with icing!

Hamish’s cake looks cute! I’m glad he got compliments for it.

I’m glad Paul liked Peter’s cake. It seemed a little like Prue had a...more negative comment.

I actually like the way Laura’s looks? It’s like intentionally messy! Which is nice! At least they liked the taste.

I’m living for everyone making fun of Prue’s weird wiggle-moan when she tasted Hermine’s cake.

They’re being clear that they want Sura to go and I am Not Happy About It. I agree with Noel, I love Lottie and Sura, neither of them should go. No one leave the tent. Ever. Everyone bakes on.

I think I like this bunch too much/they feel a lot more level with each other from bake to bake so the bitterness for people going home is just...gonna be heightened for the rest of the competition. Glad Mark won star baker though!

Of course they’re sad that she’s leaving. This is why Sura should have won star baker week one. She deserved it then.

This group seems really close. Probs the effect of being quarantined together.

Sura :’(

[cavefelix]

Dulceleux Tyranoto, a CMWGE character and cake

Designer notes: 

Cake hats are a real thing. Here’show to make one. 

Pastry based Excrucians are also a real thing

.This originated as a discussion of why Nobles would want to fight for Creation, when their side is literally run by Evil, and someone said that Excrucians don’t have cake. So I wondered if one could masquerade as a cake

While I don’t go into details, I don’t think that being eaten counts as a Wound for a cake.

Dulceleux Tyranoto

Dulceleux (Dull-seh-lee-uks) Tyranato is dying of bad taste. Every fart joke, every person out shopping in sweat pants, every movie with an IV, V or, Harumaph help it, an X in the title, these each whither away a crumb of Dulceleux' ability to stay in this world.

Dulceleux is dying of bad taste. Which is odd, because it tastes delicious. Because it is a cake. A cake shaped like a hat; traditionally a woman's bonnet to show off its fancy fondant, though sometimes a somber man's top hat, accentuating its elegant vanilla base contrasting impeccably smooth and glossy dark chocolate icing. Sometimes in the Outside (and, in the olden days, the Border Mythic), you notice two eyes peering from the base of the hat, eyes of falling stars and endless night.

There are many stories of how a cake came to plot against reality. Some say Dulceleux was in the Garden of Eden, offered to Adam and Eve but rejected for the apple, and realized humanity was doomed by its judgment and abandoned Creation's cause. Others say that was a different cake, and Dulceleux was prepared only recently by the Bleak Academy in celebration of the marriage that will mark the opening of its fifth school, and the cake has picked up too much bleak academia. Today, Dulceleux spends much of its time in The Bakery of Despair (see sidebar) until it is purchased by someone and taken out into the world. When it is utterly consumed, it reappears as raw ingredients in a room in the far back of the facility, inaccessible unless you make it through the seemingly endless and haphazardly organized storerooms. As it regains strength (and MP), it begins to mix itself back together, turning the eggs, flour, milk, sugar etc. into an elegant hat-shaped cake.

Skills

Superior Cake-Hat 3 // Delceleux is a hat-shaped cake

Look tasty 2 // A very tempting hat-shaped cake

Baker 2 // Who knows how to bake

Art 1

// And how to make things look refined

Perks:

Connection: The employees of the Bakery of Despair

It's Like A Home To Me: The Bakery of Despair

Bond [Based on Calling]: I am driven to transform those who purchase me

Affliction 1: I cannot be consumed against my will

The Bakery of Despair

The Bakery of Despair seems to be an incredibly exaggerated and pretentious name. The closest to Despair it seems to project is that it's a little run down, in the way that any building that's been around decades in a working class neighborhood might look a bit run down. But the inside is clean, and if the linoleum on the floor and wall colors are out of style, they're always clean and in good condition.

Except for Dulceleux, the bakery has no cakes, and few desserts. It specializes in breads and rolls, as well as a few interesting ethnic pastries. They're very good. When Dulceleux emerges from the test kitchen, rebaked, it sits in the display case until it decides to let itself be purchased.

The staff currently consists of one baker, and two teenagers, a Rider girl who grew up in Old Moulder and a young man from Fortitude, who help with the baking and sales.

ARCS

Accursed 2, Creature of Delerium 1, Sentimental 0

Accursed grants the following powers

Test Kitchen:

For most people to get to the main office in the Bakery of Despair, they must go through the surprisingly vast and labyrinthine storerooms between the display case and the test kitchen. And to do that, they'd have to be the sort of cad who ignores the "Employees only, Do not enter" sign. But Dulceleux can bring itself there any time it is in a fancy cake keeper or elegant gift box. The Test Kitchen is its hidden room.

Sweet MP Bonus:

Dulceleux has an extra 2 MP

The World Grows Stale

Dulceleux has an Affliction, based on the Sickness Issue. The more that is wrong with it internally, the more it is the only thing of taste and beauty around it. At low levels, the other desserts on the table may look a little stale, or might have faked whipped toppings instead of real cream. At higher levels, the passing waiters may belch as they offer appetizers, and people begin blurting out "How many Riders does it take to change a light bulb?"

If its Sickness is greater than 1, and it has run out of MPs, then it must return to its test kitchen as quickly as possible. Usually, freak events happen to cause this to occur, such as a sudden localized tornado picking it up and depositing it in the bakery, or a giant bird swoops down and carries it away.

World Baker's Hand

A baked product is transformed, but diminished. Bread loses its elasticity and turns hard. An angel food cake turns ethereal foam to fragile pastry.

Dulceleux may diminish and transform things using the World Baker's Hand. While it can use this ability on anyone or anything, it is most effective if they consume part of it. (This is also how it uses its Creature of Delirium abilities, below). It might turn someone's all-consuming anger into a desire to sign a petition; it might  make a person's sense of confidence into a brittle shell.

Things that don't consume are transformed coarsely, often underbaked or overbaked.

This is a bleak ability, for most things are not meant to be baked in the oven of not. Though if Dulceleux uses this to actually bake goods you'd find in a bakery the effects may or may not be bleak.

Nourishment 

The test kitchen of the Bakery of Despair  helps Dulceleux clear its mind. There are various ways it can spend time here to gain MPs, outlined on page 545 of CMWGE.

A delicate crumb

It is a sad fact that cakes on the Accursed arc do not recover MPs at the beginning of each chapter the way most other characters do. Sorry.

Creature of Delerium Powers

Arbiter of Taste

Is there anything more refined than a cake shaped like a hat? Certainly not. Dulceleux is that picture of tastefulness and embodies the sense of taste as its Experience.

If Dulceleux is in an area long enough, a region property emerges:

                         Dulceleux must appear in good taste. 

(Note that if Dulceleux has Sickness 1+, its curse above may make it the only tasteful looking thing in the area.).

Tasting the taster

When one consumes Dulceleux, which requires either its permission or a Miracle with 1+ Strike, they sometimes feel a momentary heartburn as the otherwise surprisingly smooth buttercream goes down their stomach. This is because the Strategist is taking part of their heart, the part that rules their sense of what is tasteful. (And, incidentally, their physical sense of taste. After something as rich and decadent as this cake, everything seems bland.)

After a person's heart has been taken, an small, elegant silver fork appears by  Dulceleux, a weymark which can be manipulated.

Tasteful Advisor

Dulceleux may, for a MP,  see through and manipulate those whose sense of taste it controls, having them move it to a more suitable location, for example.

Palate Cleanser

Having an arbiter of good taste can be tremendously transformed. When Dulceleux controls your taste, if it targets you with a miracle it can make it an emotionally powerful experience.

Sentimental powers

Frantic

Dulceleux has begun to explore those it cares about, and discovered new emotions due to it. When it finds itself In Trouble, it can gain 1 MP.

At home with the staff

Dulceleux has 3 Miraculous Will to use when interacting with the staff of the Bakery of Despair.

The Dreams of Pastry

One of the advantages to being a cake is that nobody cares it you're awake or asleep. And while asleep, Tyranoto finds it easy to see what is happening with The Bakery of Despair, its staff, or (if it has Calling 1+) its most recent purchaser.

[fizzyhibiscusteainapoptabsodacan]

rooookieeee

“The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.”

nuanced

“The utopian ideal of the internet—unregulated access to information, pure connectivity—now feels antiquated. Also antiquated: trying to determine if the internet is simply good or bad. Possible and necessary: thinking more deeply about how it’s rewiring our brains and warping our experience of time, about the vistas of reality it’s revealing and creating, and what to do with our positions therein, so that we do not go mad from it all nor flee altogether.When the internet was less mobile, the distinction between online and offline was perhaps more defined. There was real life, and then there was the place that hosted our reflections on it. Now we are experiencing a collision between underbaked thought and tangible experience so great and rapid and omnipresent that it’s less of a crash, more in the water supply. Those who use the internet as an escape are thought of as outliers (Catfishers, video game addicts, radicalized young men), but its increasing presence throughout our daily lives has made a state of unreality not only more accessible, but very hard to resist.Rather than providing a shadow of reality, these platforms shape reality. They’re not pure outlets for our feelings and experiences; they are catalysts for what we feel and experience, how we feel and experience, and our shrinking capacity to process any of it. What we share on social media platforms does not disappear into a void, but increase their engagement and make them more profitable—even criticism is additive to the forces we seek to counteract. (Donald Trump: “Without the tweets, I wouldn’t be here.”) What we share also tells people how to sell us more stuff, so that the CEO of Netflix can stand before his peers and declare that their number-one competitor is sleep—“And we’re winning!”The internet feels chaotic, but it is not out of control. The internet is not one giant, democratic forum where opinions rise to the top by their own merit; it is a very deliberate structure, carefully calibrated to convince its users that visibility is the same as power.“

suspended in mid air

PALIMPSEST is the word

The above is a photo of a photo of my aura. I had it read in Chinatown a few weeks ago and nodded adamantly as the woman told me I was “removed, observant, in [my] own castle.” It is very likely that other parts of her reading were far less accurate and that I seized only on what resonated with me, but that itself is an innate part of being removed/observant/in your own castle: picking and choosing what you’ll remember later, curating moments, architecting your own narrative, as opposed to being open to the possibility that she could’ve been telling me something that did not already fit my idea of who I am. She said, “There is something between you and the rest of the world,” and gestured as though to indicate a screen in front of her face.

This year, I graduated from high school and moved out of my parents’ Midwestern home into a New York City apartment and started acting in a play every day, wondering, constantly, what it feels like to bring down that screen. This was for the sake of being onstage but also because I was trying to start my life: How does it feel to exist in a moment, connected to another human being and to the world, without thinking about what it signifies, what it’ll look like in memory?

To be able to consider these questions at all is not only a privilege afforded by a life with time to think about HOW EXACTLY to FULLY APPRECIATE all these MAGICAL MOMENTS I am #blessed with CoNsTaNtLy!, but also just how my brain works. I started a blog when I was 11, and every day after school, I came home and took photos of my outfits for it. I was very picky about the setting and the colors and the lighting, not out of any interest in photography, so much as a desire to draw connections between things and delight at the order of it all. I didn’t feel like they were self-portraits, although I’m in every picture. They felt similar, instead, to doing plays at camp and community theater, or sitting at our family’s piano going through a Bible-thick Broadway songbook and shifting among my favorite characters.

When I stopped writing my blog halfway through high school, I began keeping journals just for myself, each one cycling through a different personality as I had with fashion and with acting. For the duration of each journal, my handwriting would change, I’d dye my hair, I’d hang new posters on my wall, I stuck to a narrow selection of my wardrobe and my music, I chose a new route for the walk to school. I am similarly strict about the monthly Rookie themes, dictating to our illustrators and photographers which colors, motifs, and types of lighting to use in their work for us. My friends get annoyed with me for how often I try to art direct our hangouts instead of seeing where the night takes us—Can we all wear these colors, walk down this street, listen to this song? That cohesion frames the moment and turns it into a scene from a movie. I don’t quite know how to let experiences just unfold and be surprised by how they affect me; I want to know that I’ll write down the aesthetic details of an event later and be pleased at how they fit together: We wore fur coats and wool cloaks, walked down Lafayette, listened to Blonde on Blonde.

Sometimes this quality veers into the realm of vampiric hubris. Like: I sat on my roof on opening night of the play with a perfectly nice fellow who put on “Astral Weeks” by Van Morrison and his arm around me. Why did I let the lovey part of the song go over my head, but hear “to be born again, to be born again,” over and over, marveling before the skyline at my own personal reinvention over the course of the past few months—at how perfect it was that I was wearing my fuzzy pink moving-to-New-Yorkjacket—instead of returning the embrace of a person I liked?

There is a terrible YA novel cliché of a girl who lives her life looking for movie moments, and I recently defended her/myself in my journal:

1. Why worship a life that is movie-esque? 2. Why should something be significant for feeling movie-esque? 3. Isn’t life the real thing itself?

No. Movies are what make life real to us, because they pay attention to and crystallize emotions, colors, movement, human behavior, etc. (When I say movies, I also mean TV, I also also mean plays—even though a play is not recorded, it’s crystallized in that it lives on in the minds and memories of its audience). Movies are like “LIFE: The Best Of.” “LIFE: The Essential Collection.” “LIFE: Not Dead Yet!” So saying a moment is like a movie is how we can comprehend its beauty and grant it significance.

I can defend the art direction and the obsessive documentation, but I also know that there are different answers to the above questions. I know there are infinite moments that could take place and affect me in ways I can’t conceive of, if I could only put down my notebook every once in a while and actually live my life instead of trying to immortalize everything.

“We don’t like to admit it,” said Julian, “but the idea of losing control is one that fascinates controlled people such as ourselves more than almost anything. […] And what could be more terrifying and beautiful, to souls like the Greeks or our own, than to lose control completely? […] To be absolutely free! […] To sing, to scream, to dance barefoot in the woods in the dead of night, with no more awareness of mortality than an animal! […] let God consume us, devour us, unstring our bones. Then spit us out reborn.”

The above is from the novel The Secret History. It summarizes why I like acting, and why I was so eager to listen and learn from all the times our playwright said to me, “You know the play. You know the character. Why are you still watching yourself perform, telling the audience how to feel about her, dictating the moment? Just be in it.” I’m paraphrasing, from my castle. But that was the gist. And, to throw a wrench in all of this, the characters in The Secret History do end up losing control and being totally present…and MURDERING someone in their state of freedom!!!! But for now, this is where this month’s theme starts: the combined beauty and danger of inventing yourself, owning your experiences, putting yourself on record.