Text
I want to go home
Feel like normal again
Stand use both feet breathe
Four walls sinking
But when will my energy levels reach that
When not too long ago spoons ran out before the day could
Recovery is such a strong word
Self care is so big
Because my world feels small
And I feel ready to do more
But sometimes life knows only how much I can actually handle
And life is chaos
Fair to everyone, the good the bad
#spilled ink#poem#my writing#queer writers#im stuck athome healing a foot#and im just#getting so exhausted of my days being exactly the same#the weeks too#and its getting too cold to sit out on the porch#with rainy days and blistering winds#the foot just had to be my driving foot#aomeone getme out if here before I lose my mind#or make the world more accessible in the meantime thanks#make my neighborhood not one near a well used highway in a city of cracked streets and shootings#guns needles sticks and stones#i just want to go home#i say when i lay in my bed#take me home away from the bed i never leave#i just wanna go home
0 notes
Text
Tarlos Wedding Celebration Event [Week 7] -> favorite s3 moment(s) -> TK sleeping on Carlos in 3.05
#911 lone star#911lsedit#tarlos#tk strand#carlos reyes#tarlosweddingcelebration#tarlosweddingevent#did i give a single care in the world about the investigation stuff happening in this scene? no#and do i think carlos staying up alllll night to investigate a case he's not even on is healthy work/life boundaries? also no#but this was such an amazing little glimpse into their relationship#tk waking up cause carlos isn't in bed. then going out to try and convince him to get some sleep#when he realizes it's not going to happen tk just says ok scoot over then. if you aren't coming back to bed i'm coming out to you#then he just sleeps on him. like a living weighted security blanket. grounding carlos as he continues to work#the contrast of how tense carlos was in the first gif compared to the last few when tk is laying on him#i CANNOT#here i go rambling in my tags again but how am i supposed to be normal about this scene??#my gifs#episode: s03e05 child care
360 notes
·
View notes
Text
so i've been having a hard time with my ✨depression✨ the last few days and i want to share something that may help someone? it helps me? and that's: go to bed earlier. don't stay up past 10 - 9:30 if you can help it. im so serious. it's the literal depression witching hour past 10 if you stay up too late and!! there's a scientific reason for it. (something about cortisol levels idk my therapist explained it to me once but point remains: you get sadder at night) drink some chamomile tea if that's your jam, take a bath, take some melatonin drops, ANYTHING you can do to try and sleep earlier. if you can't sleep that early (like me), simply lie in bed with a cozy blanket and read a book. or watch a familiar, uncomplicated sitcom. turn off the phone (read: social media). don't engage in anything that's upsetting. and i promise you the world will feel better.
#i say this at nearly 11 pm my time but that's because i took a bath and drank chamomile tea when i started to spiral an hour ago#exactly at 10 pm on the dot!!#and now i'm about to lay in bed with some calming music#i'm serious it helps. not only do you end up getting a little more rest#but nothing can trigger you deeper into the emotional pit of despair that you're already in lol#sam rambles
111 notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm sick and coughing so much my soul leaves my body multiple times but here's the first ever Springtrap drawing I made. This is from 2015
#help he got strands of hair on top of his head thats shaped like an ass#i dont even know what to say#this is from 2015 and im pretty sure its the first drawing because back then i didnt like him at all#it wasnt a 'oh i HATE this character SO MUCH' but a 'ew ugly and idc'#this means i didnt draw him that often#now i lay in bed to watch springtrap edits#now i draw him so often i almost completely memorized his design#and when im having trouble sleeping i imagine hes sitting on the side of my bed with his hand gently placed over my head#'whats wrong?' he asks#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#springtrap#i should redraw this later
231 notes
·
View notes
Text
i hate packing soooooo so much
#i need to lay in bed and have someone hold up my clothes saying ‘yes or no’#and then they pack whatever i say yes to#and when i say someone i mean kuroo tetsuro#or jean#i feel like he’d be good at that#‘this top would go well with this skirt’ like okay jean i see you#now i’m picturing all my blorbos trying to pack my suitcase#zoro gave up and is just sitting with me#prob napping now#anyway this is def not me procrastinating rn#ummm#sprints#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
collapses to the ground like a deflated balloon
#my god#stage one is finally complete . . . . . . . .#if you can recall that poll i reblogged about passing out#that important contact i received was mr. seto of the vocaloid team#who messaged me asking about a collaboration and quite literally nearly caused me to pass out#i read the message preview on my phone#stood up#saw stars#and collapsed onto my bed and had to lay down for like. 10 minutes before my body would stop feeling distant and weak w#i similarly felt ready to pass out today when i sent a message to ask when the announcement tweet would be#and they tweeted it. immediately after w#no joke rice and i were scrambling behind the scenes to get our act together and figure out what we wanted to say KHGJGSJKFHGKJ#all the while screaming because yamaha said they'd be posting it on valentine's day and we thought they meant our timezone w#because the whole point of this collab was to get the zolas more well known in the english-speaking sphere w#EITHER WAY#i am. so so tired and now i need to pass out so i can get enough sleep before more internship tomorrow w#which is heating up because my seminar professor wants a detailed plan of my final project goals This Friday#but my mentor won't know anything about where to fit that in until Thursday at the earliest#and my supervisor just hounded me over email to coordinate with the two other people at my station and choose an activity to lead#but that requires. planning. that our mentors won't have until thursday........#perishing . . . . . .
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
Did you *really* go to college if you didn't do this at least twice a semester?
#my roommates at yonsei- which i'm still amazed Noeul is a yonsei grad- would vanish for DAYS into the library#preparing for their English exams#and like- my girls you have a native english speaker back in the dorm can I help you study#but they would BOTH do this when they finally surfaced for air#sophia- she went by her english name- and ryeong-ah; they were both my Sig#they would come back and just scream 'my bedddd' and dive onto sophia's bed#i say sophia's bed because ryeong-ah couldn't be bothered to climb onto her bunk bed#so she'd just lay quite literally on top of sophia#i have a photo it's one of my favorites because you can see that sophia is about to deliver a violent kick to her spine#love in the air#lita#rain#first semester my roommates were all older than me so i was supposed to be polite and i only ever used polite korean#i was perfectly well behaved#but that first semester in korea my roommates were horrible- all were banned from the program they were so bad#but i remember most that at midterms i was studying so hard for my religion in korean history exams that i'd be at the library until 2am#and then walk back to the dorm a mile away- and like everyone was doing that so it wasn't scary walking the mountain at night#but i'd get back and my roommates would be drunk and yelling in the dorm until 6am or so#and that was almost every night regardless#but during midterms i was so tired and so fried and my classes started at 7am so i wasn't sleeping#and i finally showed my roommates that i can say 'shut the fuck up' in korean without any accent whatsoever
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
The idea that Gascoigne and Henryk were hunting partners (presumably with Henryk being Gascoigne's elder and mentor) and that Viola was Henryk's daughter is the funniest shit. Like how do you think that went over.
#bloodborne#father gascoigne#old hunter henryk#bloodborne viola#i do like the idea that it was actually quite poignant. a young gascoigne who'd been slowly falling for viola and her for him#he's terrified to say anything at all to henryk. this man who's taught him so much and been such a wonderful hunting partner alongside him#hes so worried about how it would look#that he's some corrupted man looking to bed his mentor's daughter#but oh. she's become everything to him#and so he puts aside his fear for the sake of tending to the societal sensibility of asking his beloved's father for her hand#and it takes all the courage he can muster.#god not even beasts can make a man tremble like the judgmental eyes of the father of the woman he loves#henryk initially doesn't take to it well#honestly the thoughts gascoigne dreads him thinking probably crop up in a quick rush. but then. he pauses himself.#he considers the sort of man his mentee is#he considers how happy viola seems when gascoigne spends time with the family#he considers his daughter is a lively young adult who'll probably just elope with him anyway if things are made difficult by tradition#he chuckles to himself as he thinks that. and he softens to the idea#if there's anyone his little viola will be happy with. it's this man.#he gives a curt nod and gives his first and only warning#you've got my blessing. but know that if you ever lay a hand on her that isn't loving. i'll have your head.#and so the rest is history. and in that moment all is well. and in that moment these men know not the future they will face.
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
i am very grateful that im not someone that has to deal with daily seizures but it is evil when it takes like a week and a half's worth of business days to recover from a seizure
#if i had them everyday or every other day i would be so fucked 😭#id like to say they dont bother me per se but the entire week after is laying in bed after 11 pm and wondering if jts going to happen again#bc my head feels like its about to explode#and then do not get me started on the fear of getting in the shower within the first few days of one happening .#reasonably i understand that my seizures happen from 11pm to maybe 3 am on average .#but ill have a seizure and then have to hype myself up for like 2 hours just to take one 3 days later st like 2 pm#my seizures do not interfere with my day to day life in extreme ways but existing knowing that i have them during a certain time frame is#like. Hey man can you grow up#also it is really funny being told theyre probably hormonal or stress related and should 'probably stop' as i get into my mid 20s .#Well im turning 25 next month and evidently i still have seizure activity in me#also also heres a fun fact: my epilepsy does not have an actual named diagnosis they just said i certainly have a Form of it ❤️#they dont know what causes them and i have no real warning signs (bc a headache =/= potential seizure)#they dont bother me but i do have to live with the knowledge that i could have one any day now and wake up to my mom asking me questions#hope everyone can tell i have a lot of feelings about my epilepsy despite not talking about it like ever ❤️#the only thing that really bothers me is the no warning signs. ive been perfectly fine and had them. ive had massive migraines when i was#unmedicated and didnt have one. very bizarre#and ofc all my brain scans come back normal all the time so they dgaf Lol
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
first time ever fainting and it happened at 1am when i am home alone and on the other side of the house from my phone. dont especially love that for me!
#PLS DONT WORRY i am fine. i think it was standing up quickly while watching a lifeguard rescue video asdghk#my rescue career nipped in the bud!!#i was in the kitchen having just let puppy outside when my vision started greying out and i became dizzy#i was able to sit down and then lay down on the floor before i actually passed out#i was only out for a few seconds i think but i did actually lose consciousness bc for a moment i didnt know why i was on the floor :|#but it mustve only been a second or two bc puppy was still sniffing me#i broke out in a cold sweat and just laid there for a couple minutes (& puppy laying next to me) and now im completely fine#but that was a bit scary. i gotta say. that's never happened to me before.#ive had some close calls a couple times when getting blood drawn but this was so sudden slghjlskhgj#in the video i was watching they were rescuing a girl with a spinal injury :\ and she was screaming in pain :\#the other rescues in the video were mostly wholesome and then that suddenly happened :\#in case anyone was wondering whether i would be helpful in a medical emergency! pls do not count on me alsdghksdlg#my sisters know this already unfortch#ANYWAY i will not be watching those anymore. im going to watch some baby animal videos or smth now and go to bed
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh man this scene. i don’t know I can’t stop thinking about it.
He’s exhausted. They gave him the wrong size headers at work, he forget their cake, and he’s home an hour late. But, he’s home. And he gets to be present with Sarah and enjoy the rest of their night, and what’s left of his birthday, together (well until Tommy calls him in an hour) Side note-Joel being excited about her getting him a present had me thinking he doesn’t earn a lot. That he just gets enough to allow them to get by. Now, this is ‘03 and he’s a carpenter. I don’t know what their pay would be back then, but I imagine it wasn’t too too much. At least, not enough for a lot of extra for gifts for Christmas or birthdays. Maybe this is a terrible assumption, but it’s my two cents
But after long day he just gets to be with her. There’s probably been some nights he’s come home and she’s asleep already and he stays up for a while watching tv or doing taxes or something. By himself. Maybe he’ll slip into her room and kiss her goodnight, but it’s not the same as a night like this. They get to spend it in each others company, laughing and making jokes.
he jus looks so sweet here :( “because I’m an honest thief” “mmm”
And this. “And you were never gonna do it for yourself, so…” He knows she’s right. He’s a tired dad. A tired, single dad. He can’t do everything. And Sarah’s right, it’s the thought that counts. Something small like fixing his broken watch is non-existent on his list of things he needs to do. But Sarah can tell he needs it, considering how he instinctively slapped his wrist at breakfast. She doesn’t buy him anything new or shiny, just fixes up a broken watch. She helps give him something that he won’t himself
And just gets to relax with a fixed watch, a favorite movie on the television, and his little girl tucked in to his side. Little things that, to him, mean the absolute world. And then some.
And she, inevitably, falls asleep on him and he gets to carry her to bed. Again, something he may not get to do often (and man if I was a dad I’d delight in carrying my kids to bed. I’d cherish every second of it, but maybe that’s just me). Sure he has to go out and bail Tommy out of jail now, but he got a worthwhile hour on his birthday with her
#this is so scrambled it’s almost 3am and I’m in my joelellie thoughts while waiting for bad batch#also I just miss being a little kid with my dad :(#I’d lay on my parents bed and I’d beg my dad to carry me to my room#and he would and we’d get there and he’d do this cute thing#he’d swing me and do a count down#and he’d say 1#1 1/2#2#and so on and so forth and breaking the numbers as little as possible before he hit 3 bc I loved how he swung me#and then when he said 3 he’d throw me on my bed#and of course I always begged him for a second time and he indulged every time#so idk seeing stuff like this kind of gets to me#I just love dads.#I love you dad#and I hope you never ever know this exists#the last of us hbo#joel miller#sarah miller#tlou spoilers
147 notes
·
View notes
Text
do you think the caduceus tmn origins comic is taking forever to be announced because theyre trying to figure out how to draw his backstory in which he jus did a lot of hallucinogens alone in his house for like 8 yrs ?
#this is /j because the beau one also hasnt been announced#i do wonder why tho :o like not even cover art .. .#cr just hates me personally . those are my fave guys#if i was in charge of it i'd draw cad the most nasty little depression bed ever. itd be great#(my headcanon is over th years cad had times when he was fine and just his routine. but other rly just. nothing times#times when he did nothing at all and just lay there#and didnt know time was passing or what day it was. and then eventually the season would change and he'd get out of bed to clean the house#and it went in cycles like that. long nothing periods as time went on. until it got too quiet and he started eating the lilies)#kiddo say
94 notes
·
View notes
Text
micky wakes mike up at three am on some random wednesday in the 70s and mike finds him staring over him, face slightly lit by the window and absolutely wide-eyed. and then micky says “mike, you’re a weird girl.” and then immediately konks out snoring onto mike and mike thinks about this for YEARS. like what the fuck? and then one day in the 90s it hits him (maybe as he’s converting the monkeemobile into a low-riding hopping bird) that he is. a weird. girl.
#the monkees#mike nesmith#micky dolenz#weird girl wednezday#i know it’s absolutely NOT wednesday but this needs to go into the weird girl wednezday tag for my own wellbeing#our universe’s influence leaks into the monkees 90s special-verse#cause i feel like that could happen#alternate universe take of this exact thing: mike and micky laying in (a) bed talking and micky starts giggling and mikes like ‘what?’ and#micky says ‘you’re a WEIRD GIRL’ and mikes like ???? and gives him a confused by loving kiss on the forehead#and mike brings this up throughout the years being like ‘remember when you called me a weird. girl. wasn’t THAT weird?’ just to tease micky
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
reason #592 why Carver is my favorite companion in da2: All companions have 2-4 different lines of dialogue they can potentially say if Hawke falls in battle, but Carver has 5 and they're just-
#'carver hates hawke-' bitch where#he's an ass who can lash out and say stupid things but he loves his siblings even when they hurt him or break his heart#and i stand firm that not bringing him on the deep roads expedition *does* break his heart#even at max rivalry on the templar path he still cares about hawke he's just now living with the mistake he made#when his judgement was clouded by hurt and his situation was desperate and he's now trying to lay in the bed he made the best he can#also chantry bullshit trying to brainwash him... can't forget that fun little nugget#anyway i love him. he's my favorite companion and yes it's very unfortunate for me given i spend most of the game missing him sksks#but i manage to max out his friendship and put him on the warden path every time so he's great to bring on dlcs#da2#dragon age 2#carver hawke
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
If I complain about being tired tomorrow I need you to tell me to Shut The Fuck Up, I did this to myelf.
#ramblings#^ /lh but also like. Like#hopefully i can get stuff done fast in the morning and just fucking. nap. when i get home#(guy who is not lonely at all voice) so yeah i needed to be in vc as long as possible because i missed my friend#OK IF YOU WERE ONE OF THE THREE THAT SAW ME SAY TO KILL ME IF U SAW ME TYPING ANYWHERE. THIS DOESNT COUNT#THIS DOESNT COUNT I JUST WANNA LEAVE THIS POST B4 I GO TO BED. IM LAYING DOWN NOW
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
i kinda really hate my life honestly
#like i hate my job but on my days off i do nothing because just existing is exhausting enough#i also keep saying to myself that i wanna go home even when i am home and thats just depressing#like i feel so overwhelmed and uncomfortable all the time even when im just laying in bed doing nothing#i want a reason to live and people irl who make me feel like my life actually matters#instead of this feeling of barely existing even in my own mind#i probably need therapy but i have no idea how to even do that
5 notes
·
View notes