#i seriously do not believe many pieces of art can be life changing.

[el-im]

[kayas-kosmos]

Autism Symbol Dragon.

This is the autism symbol as a dragon. I did this to represent the influence my autism has on my art. This is a public domain drawing and anyone can use it for any reason.

I really like the infinity autism symbol over all others, especially the Godawful puzzle piece. It really encapsulates the diversity of our community and how unique every autistic individual is. But I wanted to do a little spin on it by turning it into a dragon to add some extra meaning. A dragon to me is the symbol of the imagination itself, since dragons are so diverse in of themselves and can look like or represent anything. But as well as imagination, I think the dragon also represent resilience and a ferocious passion.

My webcomic is absolutely full of different types of dragon. Here are just a few examples:

(Can you tell dragons are one of my special interests?)

I was diagnosed at about 3 and I've had a very mixed relationship with being autistic until recently. There was a time when I really hated having to bear the label of “autistic” and tried for years to erase that part of me because of the stigma. Being an artist allowed me to get away with being a bit weird because I could chalk it up to just being "an eccentric artist," but there was also the side of me that needed extra accommodations and help, the less glamorous side. I would often push myself to be as neurotypical as I could in these areas and I developed a debilitating fear of becoming a burden on others, to the point where it started damaging my mental health. Eventually, I developed panic attacks due to overworking myself (and struggles with accepting myself as queer), autistic shutdowns became more frequent and this lead to further humiliation and a further disgust towards my autism.

It wasn't until I became a freelancer a few years ago that I realised how much damage trying to hold myself to neurotypical standards was having on me. While being able to work remotely was a dream since it meant not having to deal with the sensory nightmare that is using the local bus service, it also meant I experienced autistic burnout more frequently. Then I came across the autistic community on Twitter, where I started to discover so much about myself and how my brain works.

I also made a lot of incredible friends through this and even had the courage to publicly come out as queer. Now I fully embrace being autistic, even the parts that society deems “unacceptable” like stimming and not making eye contact. I am happy in who I am and no longer see myself as a burden.

Sadly, there is often a discussion about whether autism should be cured or not, a discussion that should absolutely not be happening because autism is not a disease. If you "cured" my autism, you would also remove my art. My art and my autism are inseparable and one does not exist without the other. Autism has given me the ability to think outside the box and traits like my monotropism allow me to hyperfocus on a project until its completion. Having spoken to many autistic creatives throughout my life, a good chunk of our struggles do not come from being autistic itself, rather society’s refusal to accept or accommodate us. Many of us could achieve great things and truly innovate society, but there are too many systemic barriers in the way preventing us from doing so, and no amount of “hard work” or “conquering our disability” (fuck inspiration porn, seriously) can change that because individualistic solutions do not fix systemic problems. Simple solutions such as disability benefits that actually properly cover our living costs, a higher wage for carers of disabled people and proper work accommodations (including the option for remote work) would mean the world of difference for us.

Now personally, I am a bit more radical in my thinking and I believe the current system of Neoliberal Capitalism needs to be done away with entirely because ableism is built into Capitalism itself. This is what has drawn me to ideas such as anarchism and the Solarpunk movement. In particular, I try to live by the "12 principles of Permaculture" to the best of my ability. I think "Embrace Diversity" and "Produce No Waste" can be applied to living as a disabled person, since disabled people are often seen as a waste product under this system and embracing our differences means we are not wasted.

For those of you who have followed me for a while, you may have noticed that my art, like me, is weird. I love to embrace the weird and the quirky. My creatures are whimsical and bizarre. My characters all tend to be quirky outsiders. I have always been drawn to surrealism and absurdism, the work of Salvador Dali in particular really caught my attention.

Art has always been a safe way for me to explore the unusual and alien, and it has been a voice for me when speaking words fail. I use it to explore the things that frighten me and to help process a chaotic world. As weird as my art is, I think the weirdness and absurdity is a reflection of how weird and absurd our modern world is and how little sense it makes to me anymore.

There are often themes of environmentalism and the profound beauty of nature, influenced heavily by growing up in an area of natural beauty. Furthermore, the theme of "empathy for monsters" is a personal favourite. Maybe the reason why there are so many weird, twisted and grotesque monsters and creatures with tragic backstories in my webcomic universe is because I see myself in them - just weird little off-putting things that want compassion and to be understood.

As I have grown as a person, so has my art. The more I learn about my autism, the more I can open up and the better I can express myself.

On a final note, if you would like to support me and the work I do, please consider donating a Ko-Fi. It would really help me push towards my goal of finally launching my webcomic, plus it would also allow me to talk more about important topics surrounding disability, sustainable living and art/creature stuff.

Happy new year, everyone! And especially to all of my autistic and neurodivergent comrades out there.

[agent-calivide]

Time for more John Juniper analysis because I am so normal about this man.

Edit: this was posted on April Fools, below the cut is an analysis of Commander Solaris, not JJ

Commander Solaris fascinates me as a character and I wish she was treated as more than just "fabricator's girlfriend" in the fandom sometimes. I love the ship, let's go sciency lesbians, but Solaris is just. Such chaotic neutral with a fascinating dynamic with Zoraxis and even Zor themselves and I love it.

Firstly, we see that above everything else, she prioritizes a love of science and discovery over all, I'd venture to say that Solaris is actually the most dedicated to specifically her field. While the others have the desire for art or revenge or loyalty to Zoraxis as motivators to their passions, Solaris is just all lasers all the time. That's not to say she won't work on other things, it's implied that she invented the Death Engine all on her own which means she has to know how to create or at least implement the gravity controls and life support systems, but at the end of the day it was all in the name of having a giant fuck off space laser.

She also hates it when things expedite the process in regards to her science. On the Death Engine, before the agent is revealed, you can hear her say "Automatic computer?! Who wouldn't want to do their own computing??" I think Prism and Solaris would actually bump heads about this a lot if they were ever set up to work together, despite the fact that they're both scientists, Solaris really has an almost old-fashioned approach when it comes to her scientific advancements. She shows a disdain for computers doing the heavy lifting and doesn't trust them in regards to cybersecurity, which is shown when the agent opens the crate that holds the station's manual override of the armature outside the shuttle. "Ugh, I knew people wouldn't take z-mail security seriously..."

It's clearly stated on her file that she is not with Zoraxis due to a loyalty to them or some power grab, she is simply with them because they are a means to an end. So long as Zoraxis provides what she needs, she will give them her inventions and help make pieces for death traps in the name of furthering her studies and working without restrictions. Her file says she believes in the "life altering" properties of lasers- though I do wonder if that means changing life while one is living or if it's just able to alter a life to... not alive-

We also see that unlike the others, she doesn't respect Zor as anything more than her employer. When Zor calls her, she's surprised and irritated.

"Doctor Zor... what a- uh... unexpected surprise..."

While she's initially confused, as the conversation goes on she gets angrier.

"That's hardly my problem, is it?.... I'll take care of it I suppose. Understood. I said I understand!"

While she respects that Zor is her employer and she does have to do what they say, she doesn't respect them as an authority to fear. She's short with them, straight up snapping at the doctor by the end of the phone call, which shows that she does not fear Zor in the same way others would. Many people would not lash out at someone known for their ability to get people killed, especially when its shown Zor doesn't give a damn if you're a low level miner or a high ranking doctor.

Solaris just straight up doesn't give a fuck until Zor says something, which could range from "it's your job" to "I'll cut your funding" to "I have a button down here that will kill you with poisoned gas" knowing them. Either way Solaris needed a slight push to try and actually kill the agent.

She's also just all around got this funny, spunky side to her that I wish we saw more of. She has a disdain for orange juice because it's all they can drink on the space station, she approves of the agent doing risky but efficient science with the meat can, when you grab the screw drill thing she is so excited because she initially thinks it's a blaster that she's been trying to get the design approved for, only to be so disappointed when it's not. She’s got a dry as hell sense of humor that relies mostly on sarcasm and will make fun of you if you start to accidentally kill yourself.

Then when we cut to IEYTD 2, while there’s not any dialogue directly from Solaris, we do hear Fabricator’s side of a call between them.

In it, we hear that Solaris is not mad at the agent for nearly killing her, she’s mad that they ruined her work. It also seems Zor’s likely not letting her pursue her passion, as Fabricator mockingly calls out how something isn’t fair, and then pushes Solaris into looking into new projects. That Death Engine was likely a five year labor of love that Phoenix destroyed in ten minutes, and Solaris is pissed. Rightfully so, frankly.

We also see that Solaris and Fabricator disagree to some extent on the purpose of their inventions, Fabricator having a note that calls out how “inelegant” Solaris is. This shows that while Solaris and Fabricator are both heavy hitters for Zor, they have very different motivations for why they make the things they do, Fabricator makes her death traps as a form of art that has to be presentable, Solaris makes them as a means to an end for her laser projects, which are likely crude and functional more than artistically inclined.

This does go to show that while Solaris and Fabricator are willing to confide in one another, they also don’t agree on likely many things. Be it the purpose, the portrayal, or the motivation to their work, they have fundamentally different stances on what they do and why they do it.

I don’t believe Solaris left Zoraxis in some big declaration or out of a sudden spur of empathy, I think Zoraxis just can’t provide what she wants anymore. She did not leave Zoraxis because she hates Zor or feels remorse for killing, Zoraxis just had to go underground so she couldn’t do things like make giant orbital space lasers. It’s very clear her position in Zoraxis is conditional on the terms that she can unabashedly pursue her laser research, and with Zoraxis having to go underground, Zor likely cut her resources.

She wiped her hands just clean enough to ditch someone who wasn’t providing any benefits for her before retiring and trying to drop off the face of the earth and dream on what could have been in the country side.

And if you read this far and are still wondering what the hell this has to do with John Juniper, happy April Fool's :)

[diezmil10000]

2023 art summary + thoughts on my own art progress under the cut!!

(template by HedgeCatDragonix on deviantart)

so i've been doing this for 10 years :P

i'm not posting these pics in high quality, they're somewhere on the internet if you want to scavange for a bit. i didn't start taking art seriously until late 2015 and i honestly don't like looking back at old drawings. i still like my 2022 art summary but it wasn't until this year that i'm proud of all my finished artworks.

my art journey is complicated. i'm not one of those artists who can say they've been drawing for all their lifes. i used to trace pokémon in my school agendas but that was it. around 2013, a couple of friends invited me to their Skype server where we used to draw each other's ocs and make art memes and stuff - it was fun and cringe in the most positive way i can say it :] i didn't know shit about art and i took pride in drawing on MS Paint with a mouse just because it was hard.

(all of my drawings until may 2018 were made with a mouse)

when i was 15 yo i got into Love Live! and i decided to get better at art because i didn't want lesbian fanart to be made only by creepy cishet men. at some point i watched this video from Sycra and it rewired my brain. i understood that i needed to actually practise and understand what i was doing, and that i wasn't going to improve just by observing. its follow-up video also helped me a lot, i remember watching it on the day it was posted jskhfdjdfd.

and so fast forward until 2021 approx. i spent all of those years practising drawing in my traditional sketchbooks, so my improvement was steady. the only problem, and in retrospective i see it as a Big Problem, is that i was grinding mindlessly. by that i mean that i copied artists i liked and i drew again and again stuff i was bad at, but i didn't think too deeply about it or analysed my own art to look for faster ways to improve it. i also don't take feedback well so i didn't ask for it either, which further slowed down my progress.

on top of it, that just made me better at drawing, not at illustration. i firmly believe that a good drawing is hard to ruin but i could have made my illustrations way more interesting if i had started going wild with colors and effects way earlier. i don't exactly regret my choices because at the end of the day it's just my hobby, and i've been praised for drawing a lot and for challenging myself to practise drawing traditionally, so i want this to be read as introspection rather than complaints!!

the reason why 2021 was a big change in my art is because in november i did this monstrosity:

i got an Android tablet to be able to draw in class and took the challenge alongside my friend Nico, who also did their own Huevember. hola si estás leyendo esto Nico, aunque lo dudo :) i can't say that any of the drawings made me better at anatomy, or composition, or colors. i can't say that they solidified my knowledge, either. but they planted a seed in my brain that would fully bloom in late 2022, which is the seed of hating the finished result of some pieces so much that i forced myself to improve.

everyone has their own motivation to get better at art and i've always thought that mine was a healthy one (i want to draw more lesbians, that's all). however, i've had a very solid 2023 and now i don't cringe at any of my pieces, plus i can notice any mistakes they have without wanting to delete them from existence - and i could only get there because at the end of 2022 i told myself i wouldn't make any more ugly illustrations. like, period. i didn't want to get anxious every time i had to look back on my own art.

i also learned that no ammount of compliments from others would magically make me like a piece i see as mid at best. of course, i appreciate every single nice comment i get (genuinely, i get very happy knowing that other people love my work), but gratitude doesn't fix a skill issue.

so, late 2022, many things happened. first i got cancelled on twitter over a drawing of my beloved mizuki from project sekai (this info will be relevant later). then i spent a whole month doing this other monstrosity that is to this day the best thing i've ever done. i haven't peaked it (yet):

this comic actually made me improve and solidify my skills. it wasn't a class assignment, or a collaboration, or anything more than a headcanon i shared with a friend - it was pure brainrot over Revue Starlight and it made me put all my cunt into it. this was also the point at which i started filling in blacks with the bucket tool instead of picking a very dark color, which is a big part of my current style :3

the thing about people cancelling me is that i had to distance myself from fandoms and eventually change accunts, which also affected how i perceived my own art. even if i draw for myself, at the end of the day i still draw characters that are loved by many people, so i disabled comments and stopped interacting with other artists of my fandom circles. that led me to go on hiatus at the start of 2023, knowing that it was time for a fresh start (my art accounts were 5 years old anyway).

that period of time made me think a lot about my finished pieces. since i wouldn't post them until i had a new account, i would stare at them for longer than ever or make small changes even if days had already passed. letting my mind rest from illustrations i had been working on and knowing i could change them whenever i wanted was a big step forward.

i realised that for the past years i had been in a hurry to post my drawings as soon as i was done with them instead of appreciating them. that was a turning point for my mindset. this was also past the time i decided to stop making ugly art, but i hadn't really taken any measures to get better. so i changed the wording of the challenge: i can make ugly art but i can't post it if i don't like it.

it doesn't sound epic, but for some reason it worked. every time i was in the middle of making a drawing that looked kind of ugly, i changed it until it looked right. not perfect, but good enough to avoid cringing in the future. some times i had to redraw it from scratch with a more interesting pose. some times i needed to add a background or a graphic element to make the characters pop. and somewhere on that period, i went wild with colors and effects, and a lot of times that saved a piece that would otherwise be boring.

i have to thank Revolutionary Girl Utena and Revue Starlight for making me experiment a lot during my hiatus. both pieces of media, one being the daugher of the other, give artists so many visual metaphors and interesting topics to work with. the revstar brainrot had been there since the junnana comic, but rgu was something i had been meaning to rewatch for a couple of years and it hit me like a fucking train. it also made me create one of the comics i'm the most proud about:

then i got into homestuck and my art got. well. stuck!! >D< but it was okay because i wasn't making ugly drawings anymore. i was putting into practise a lot of things i had been learning or experimenting with, especially regarding colors and character interactions. and the yuri was delicious hmmmmmmm.

the rest of 2023 was very linear in terms of art but not so much in terms of fandoms (?). which is fine, honestly, but i was also glad to get back into Fire Emblem: Three Houses in late that year because when i first got into it in 2019 i didn't have the skill to draw everything i wanted to draw. and i still haven't drawn all the yuri scenarios that i've been cooking in my mind, but i have until forever to do it!!

so for 2024 i want to study some stuff i feel i'm still lacking in. i think i've always had a good eye for composition, but i've never actually pushed it in my finished illustrations - they depend a lot on the poses because i've always been prioritising drawing over everything else. that needs to change this year.

i also want to get better at drawing characters from extreme angles. i've always felt like my poses are a bit flat and i think i can study photos taken with wide angle lenses to improve at that.

and of course i still want to draw faster, which is something i've always struggled with. i think i have a good rhythm of "producing" art (excuse me for the poor wording), but i'm still too slow for the kind of artstyle i want to achieve, which includes having a looser lineart and less details in irrelevant areas of the drawings. i think that overdoing the lineart actually hurts my illustrations, because everything ends up pulling the viewer's attention with the same energy. i also think messy artstyles are neat.

i promise i'm not crazy and i don't hate what i do. in fact, it's precisely because this year i managed to make some pieces with that kind of feel that i know where i want to aim. special mention to the junnana comic because i haven't been able to replicate that lineart ever since.

examples:

as for the stuff i like about my current artstyle, i definitely want to keep the way i color!! and by that i mean the method i have for applying filters that make my colors pop. i could maybe play more with textures too.

i also like the way i depict intimacy, and people have praised it too. thank you for noticing. it's the yearning that's doing it, not me. but i don't think i'll ever change the content (?) of my art, i eat breathe and speak in yuri. if anything, there are still some ways of conveying feelings that i haven't been able to draw because i lack the skill to do so, but i'll keep trying ;)

i honestly didn't expect this post to be this long. i've been writing for hours now and i'm not sure my thoughts are coherent for anyone that isn't me. i also can't grasp the idea that some people know me from fanart i did in 2016 while others started following me last month, time is wild and it's an extra dimension of complexity that i don't know how to account for when i write stuff like this.

but again, as i do with art, i've written this for myself. it's been nice to put my thoughts in order. i think i've only talked about art in depth with like 5 people and it's always been in casual conversation. no creo que estéis leyendo pero Nahia y Henar os amo y he aprendido mucho de vosotras.

thank you for reading until the end if you have. i hope you have not only a nice day but a nice year. let's meet again in the future.

[polyamorouspunk]

Hi, i’m a young person who wants to join the punk and anarchist movement(If thats not what its called i’m sorry!) but i have no clue where to begin with it, especially with my age and being young not many people will take me seriously, or will just belittle me where i’m from. I’ve always been skeptical and quite bothered by the monarchy and government, especially with the “kings” recent coronation. Do you have any tips for what i can do to contribute to the anarchist movement and do my part? Thank you :)

Hey there!

Thank you for coming to my blog, and I hope I can help.

First of all, I have a great list of personalized ideas of things from my own life from a similar ask that I recommend checking out here:

To add onto that though, social media is a great tool! I’ve recently had the opportunity to submit a piece I made for this blog to a zine someone was making, and that was very exciting! Get creative, make some art and post it, whether it be digital or patches or whatever! It can be easy to feel like just because you aren’t *directly* doing anything doesn’t mean you’re contributing, but getting the word out about things is y both easy and important! Pick a cause you feel really strongly about (perhaps like the recent coronation of the king) and have at it! Make a “no master, no kings” graphic, an “eat the rich” patch, etc. These steps are small and usually “safer” and yet still speak volumes and are defiant.

Nothing more punk than volunteering in your local community. Groups like girl/Boy Scouts and girl guides are great forces of change in things like this. As I mentioned previously I cleaned up the local animal shelter, stocked our local town food pantry, made blankets to donate to the local shelters, volunteered at the shelter to just play with cats and socialize them, and literally so much more. Helping organizations that have already been established is a great and easy way to help.

If you’re young you probably don’t have a steady source of income to donate to organizations to. I’m lucky enough that I’ve been in a place to lend money to some people I know irl and online, and that through this blog I’ve donated $30 so far to the Trans Doe Task Force, which is a cause I’m invested in, in a move to combat transphobic asks that I receive about my person.

Attend pride if you can! We live in a society that wants us eradicated. Showing up and being there is a sign of defiance.

Not everything has to be so big. Getting involved locally and with people around you is just as important as going all-out.

[butterfliesonthewall]

Game Recommendation for Fellow HeR Nancy Drew fans!!

I know I can’t be the only fan of HeR Interactive’s Nancy Drew series searching for more games with adventure, mystery, and intrigue, right? So I figured: why not? I’ll just throw up a post talking about one of my Special Interest™ games that isn’t one of the Nancy Drews: The Last Express.

If you just want the quick TL;DR version, I would summarize it with: captivating artwork and animation, excellent score and sound design, intriguing mysteries and storylines, brilliant writing and character dialogue, superb acting, and literally the most in-depth real-time mechanic I've ever seen. If you purchase a copy, I would urge you to get the original version on GOG, not Steam’s “Gold Edition” of the game which fubbernucked the menu and has tons of audio glitches. Also: be sure to check the game’s ratings and content warnings beforehand, to make sure you’re a player of appropriate age. Enjoy, friends!

Back to the main post. So, just for a quick bit of backstory: I first got into the Nancy Drew series when I was around 8-years-old, thanks to the recommendation of a friend I had at the time, and I also somewhat got into more difficult puzzle games like those from the Myst series as I got older. Around 11 or 12, my parents brought out an old copy of The Last Express and said they figured at that point I was probably old enough to play it without being scarred for life by its more mature themes. So one night, I popped the first of three discs into my mom’s old Windows Vista (barf), and within mere seconds of the opening, it became one of my favorite games of. all. time. No, really: this game completely changed my understanding of exactly how good storytelling in games could actually be, if done right. I have seen so many games try (and fail) to do what The Last Express does seemingly effortlessly: blend together cinematic storytelling and gameplay in a smooth and balanced way.

(Trigger warning for the trailer!! Contains a few brief shots of blood and violence.)

Seriously, I don’t understand how underhyped this game is. Supposedly the company that released it, Broderbund, really screwed it over by giving it basically no advertising or exposure at all leading up to, and even following its release. My main theory is that this may be due to possibly believing it might not turn out profitable enough to make up for such expenses, since it’s a game that was highly experimental for its time and dabbles in rather niche and esoteric interests, making it a rather enigmatic piece even to this day. I guess the, “Why?” doesn’t really matter now, though.

Either way: I feel that truly did both the game itself and the gaming community as a whole a disservice, since I firmly believe that if this game had been successful, it could have changed the entire frontier of gaming for years to come, particularly in terms of storytelling and character writing. (This game also really makes you appreciate how much “small” details actually matter, BETHESDA / modern HeR.) A big part of the reason I'm writing this review is that I'm hoping at some point this game will get a second chance at glory with the help of the internet.

Now what’s so great about it? Well probably the very first thing you’ll notice about this game is its rather unique art style. The technique used was a blend of rotoscoping both still shots and filmed sequences of live actors and props against blue-screened sets, which were later filled in using digital 3D modelling.

I’ve heard some people describe the art in this game as “ugly,” and while I can agree that it is certainly dated by both modern rotoscoping and 3D modelling standards, personally I can’t say I agree that it’s “ugly” by any means. This was incredibly revolutionary for the time period the game came out in, and while not all of it looks flawless, the game still manages to achieve some truly visually stunning moments. Not to mention, seeing characters that appear so much like real people makes the game incredibly immersive, to the point that once, while waiting in the corridor for a specific time of day, a woman walked past me and excused herself, and I actually replied, out loud, to my computer, “Oh, sorry,” and it took me a solid minute after that to even realize what had just happened.

Don’t worry, though: if the visuals alone aren’t enough to grab you, more good things are on the way.

Another great thing about this game that you’ll notice straight-away is the score: this is hands-down one of the best soundtracks I’ve ever heard in a game. It sets up the tone and emotions for every moment perfectly, and can be quite chilling during the more dark scenes. The music in particular is one of the aspects that I think will appeal highly to fellow Nancy Drew fans, since it’s in a similar vein to many of the soundtracks in the ND series.

In fact, the all-around sound design for this game deserves praise. The sound effects used were all perfectly balanced and created a palpable ambience to the game, making you effectively feel like you’re really on the train. There’s also a very effective use of train sounds in general, particularly in regards to the sound of one braking hard. I swear, this chilling stinger that is heard each time you get a game over is permanently seared into my brain. (As heard in the trailer video, for those curious.)

So brushing away the game’s more “superficial” pros for a moment, what’s it even about? Well, the year is 1914, and you play as a doctor named Robert Cath, who has been wrongly accused of murder and is currently on the run from both the British and French police. Prior to the start of the game, Cath received a telegram from an old friend named Tyler Whitney, claiming he had come across something “exceptional” that required Cath’s assistance. Managing to hop aboard the Orient Express, Cath eventually discovers that Tyler has been murdered, finding him dead and bloody on the floor of his compartment. The rest of the game is a dive into the deepest secrets and personal lives of the other passengers while you, as Cath, adopt Tyler’s identity and attempt to figure out who killed him, why, and where his “exceptional” finding has disappeared to.

The story is a complex web of secrets, lies, puzzles, romance, political conspiracies, art, war, and bloodshed. To give away anything further would enter dangerously into spoiler territory. It’s best to go into the game as blind as possible so you can be totally swept up in its many twists and turns.

This game also has excellent writing, particularly in terms of character interaction and dialogue. Each character is uniquely written and memorable, making it very easy to want to engage with them and learn more about them.

I also have to give praise to the acting. Every single actor gives a stellar performance, even in the more “modest” roles. There’s not much more to be said there; it speaks for itself.

But by far the biggest selling point to the game, at least in my opinion, is its real-time mechanics. This is a game that can not only be played fairly non-linearly, but has a great deal of replayability as well since every character operates on their own schedule of events. The ability to rewind and, to a limited degree, fast-forward time in the menu allows you to explore multiple possibilities, as different events are taking place at the same time all over the train. Not only that, but the creators were quite thorough in making sure that players could explore every single possible decision, which resulted in a highly detailed script at nearly 800 pages long. I am not exaggerating the least bit when I say I have played this game to completion more than a dozen times, and have discovered something new I'd never seen before every time I've played it. Even to this day, I’m still learning things about this game I didn’t know before.

Much like the artwork, the real-time and time-rewinding mechanics were both revolutionary in the industry at the time of this game’s release. Jordan Mechner, the game’s designer, was the original creator of Prince of Persia, and implemented similar time mechanics in that series to those he would go on to use in the Last Express, albeit with a heavier emphasis on storytelling than action in the latter.

Two very important things to note before I wrap up this little review. First of all, while I do recommend this game to fellow Nancy Drew players, I'm recommending it specifically to older players. While I wouldn’t describe this game as particularly “edgy,” it does contain a fair amount of adult themes, such as: nudity, low-level (mostly implied) sexual content, smoking and drinking, a few mild profanities, onscreen violence and bloodshed, and some very grim deaths. It is not child-friendly, so be advised of that.

And secondly, be careful about where you purchase this game. GOG and Steam are the two main sites peddling it, but they’re both selling versions that are different enough to really impact your gameplay, depending on which one you choose. GOG’s version is completely faithful to the original and far less buggy, but Steam has what it calls, “Gold Edition,” and while it cleans up the UI a little and comes with a Hint System to assist players, (as well as the admittedly interesting addition of character screens, though I prefer the mystery and intrigue of not knowing the other passengers’ backgrounds, getting to learn them for myself as I play and explore) I can’t recommend it on the grounds that it’s super buggy, particularly with audio, and completely ruins the charm of the original menu screen. Obviously whichever you choose is your decision, but I would strongly advise purchasing The Last Express on GOG, rather than Steam.

So if this little review persuaded any of you to try it, please feel free to reply to this post, or reblog it and share your opinions and theories! I’d love to see what response my fellow members of the Clue Crew would have to it in particular!

[jiminsass-istant]

I’m sorry but there’s something I might be missing: why do all these anons who swear Jimin and Jungkook aren’t a couple there’s no way they are they’re just bandmates yada yada, keep coming all the way up here time and time again? (and most likely it’s always the same ppl lmao) This is a real question btw. Maybe some ppl just like to argue? I love debating though but they’re not even here to have an exchange. This is beyond me sorry. I’m not talking about ppl asking questions, sharing different perspectives. But to come here lose some time over something you’re oh so sure do not exist and basically tell us we’re so silly to believe Jikook could eventually be lovers and how we’re so biased and they’re not.. seems hella weird to me…

Lmao, I'm gonna theorize about people debating theories. How deep in the delulu bubble- deluluception.

Anyways, the reason these people do it is-

1. They might simply be tkkrs who lurk in jkk spaces. I've never ever explored the taekook tag on tumblr because I've never felt the need to. I get all my TK content from army twt itself. It's an old habit of tkkrs and old habits die hard.

2. Maybe they are jkkers who once believed/supported jikook dating and were 100% sure and then their delusions were shattered due to some shipper drama. And now they are in post delulu phase, coping hard by trying to make others experience the same shattering. (That's why I don't choose to believe in any ship being real. It's just too intrusive to assume about their personal lives)

< or maybe they are like that angry 🤡 in these spaces who is coping hard after finding out that 2 korean men who live thousands of miles away, in fact have parts of their lives that are private. >

3. They are probably trying to debunk the the jikook mysteries that can't be refuted and still remain top tier- above any other duo dynamics. Gcf tokyo is still the most romantic thing anyone has ever done in 875. Companion enlistment was very much by choice and not due to limited choices. JM tattoo still stares at you in your face. And jikook dynamics still baffle koreans themselves because of how much jk babies jimin. Doesn't change the fact that jikook just prefer to share their free time together and jungkook dedicatedly promoted Face more than Hybe could. (In his own way). Doesn't change the fact that jikook are close enough to bite necks and suck ears.

These anons are just trying to be like the rest of the OT7 army who OT7ify all duos. They are trying to discredit the biggest events between jikook so they can move on maybe.

That's why there is no point getting too much into a ship and scrutinizing how they live their lives. Ships are seriously one of the most fun and cute things about a fandom-giving us so many great pieces of art. Shipping has in fact existed since the Star Wars era. And it doesn't need to have any real life consequences. 875 already show us a lot of themselves on camera and there's no need to expect more. And Jikook are very much a comfort ship. Even though they might not be a real couple, the way they treat each other are relationship goals for me. Yes, the standards are very high!! And they have taught me a lot about love and friendship.

And if people come with ridiculous asks, they are just asking to be trolled, and we shall give them what they desire. 👍

[imagine-this-life-143]

Kim Taehyung - Artistic Ability

“Can I have everyone’s attention?” Your professor stood at the front of the studio, everyone’s eyes towards her. “That’s it for the class today, you’ve all done really well in this session. I must say, I have seen some real improvement in some of your pieces, it’s evident you guys have been listening to my advice.” She praised, your fellow peers grinning from ear to ear with the uplifting words.

“But I must remind you, it’s the weekend. You’re all young. Go out, spend time with your peers, friends, partners. Get out of the studio, out of the work mindset for a while. Remember, real progress only happens when the balance in life exists.” She paced around a bit, smiling at the students who glanced at their friends, obviously excited for the weekend. “Art is the embodiment of your experiences, your memories, your souls.” With that, she walked out of the studio, a resounding ‘thank you’ following her.

You turned back to your workstation, picking up the painting palette you had been toying with. The painting sat, waiting for your brush.

“Hey Y/N! You heard what Professor said! Come out with us?” Sana questioned, leaning over the bench that separated your and her workspace. Turning to her, she immediately picked up the apologetic look in your eyes. “Seriously? I’m sure your work can wait just one night,” she pleaded, hopeful of your change of mind.

“Sorry Sana, I’m spending time with my cat tonight, we’re watching a movie.” You apologised, dipping your paint brush into the palette.

“What Bear? I’m sure he could go one night without you,” Sana begged. “Please?” The puppy dog look spread across her face, her hands clasped together tightly.

“He’s a needy boy, sorry.” You apologised, trying to stop the grin that spread across your face at the thought of your Bear.

“Boo,” she acquiesced, walking over to some of your other classmates. Their cheers and chatter fading as they left the studio, walking down the corridor. You grabbed your headphones, eagerly turning your music back on before turning back to your painting.

It was something you had been working on for a while, inspired by the journey to self-love that you had fought long for. You had decided on this topic for your final assignment, something that told a story, and spoke words to any young female. The art-in-community committee at your school had even heard of your idea and assembled you and a few other students to put together a showcase to present to the community for mental health week. Which made this now a very important piece of art.

Hence your eagerness to continue working on it. You knew you wouldn’t be able to perfect it, that, like self-love, it’d never be finished. But you were prepared for that outcome, having already had several in-depth conversations with your teachers, peers, and people from the community.

Everyone was excited to see how it would turn out, to if you could pull off such an important and difficult topic.

One person you knew definitely believed in you, your Bear. Taehyung had faith in you, he knew that you could pull this off. And he told you that every day without fail. “You’ve got this Y/N, you can do this.” The words played on repeat in your mind as you smeared another bit of paint on the canvas. You’ve got this.

Jin’s song Epiphany came on as you grabbed a bit of brown paint, gently brushing it along the underside of the navel, creating the illusion of a stomach roll. Something that was so innocent, and illusively beautiful, was horror for so many people. The small roll of skin looked so soft and squishy, innocent. Hopefully, your audience would see it too.

You took a step back, listening to the song whilst looking at the painting. There were many flaws, many things you wanted to fix with the small amount of time you had left. But you knew that wasn’t the point, that it was supposed to look raw and unfinished. Just like self-love.

“It looks incredible Y/N,” you turned around, startled by the voice. Your earphones fell from your ears, pulling your phone with them. The room was now filled with music, the end of Epiphany playing loudly. Taehyung stood there proudly; his eyes crinkled with his boxy smile. “You’re amazing,” he praised, eyes glistening as he looked over the painting.

“I’m nowhere near finished yet, there’s still a long way to go.” You admitted, dipping the paintbrush back into the palette of messily mixed paints.

A pair of arms snuck around your waist, making you jump at the sudden, and somewhat unexpected contact. Taehyung’s head came to rest on your shoulder, his face filled with emotion as he continued to stare longingly at the painting.

“I think it’s almost ready actually. It’s raw and emotional, but deceptively beautiful at the same time.” You looked at the painting again, trying to look at it from the audience’s perspective. Out of the corner of his eye, he could still see you critiquing your work. “Y/N stop. This is perfect, I know you don’t see it, but from where I stand, it captures your theme perfectly in a beautiful way.” Taehyung calmed you, smiling gently as your head came to rest back against his shoulder.

“Thank you, Tae,” your voice was quiet, barely audible even from his close proximity. “You always know what to say.” He smiled, hugging you even tighter whilst pressing a kiss to your cheek. In the background, the song changed to Pied Piper, an absolute favourite of yours.  Taehyung, knowing this piece of information, pulled away and turned you to face him.

“Dance with me,” he offered, holding out his hand. You giggled as you took it, yelping as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer. For the entire duration of the song, you slow danced around the studio, Tae singing along gently to the song as you relished in the moment.

“I know sometimes that you think that your work sucks, or that you’re a fraud, and I know the feeling. But you’re not a fraud, and your work is amazing and thoughtful,” Taehyung whispered as you continued dancing through the next few songs. “I am so unbelievably proud of you for coming so far with your work, the improvement you’ve made is incredible.” He continued to praise, eyes glancing at some of the pieces that you had hung up on the walls. “You’re perfect.”

[nelisfilming]

Being an International Student at uni in London (UAL)

Starting at UAL in September? Starting University can be really scary, especially when you’re new to the country too. We spoke to first year Film Practice student Neli about her experiences of moving to London from Madrid, and settling at UAL.

Neli Urruela, 1st year BA Film Practice, London College of Communication

Giving up your comfort zone can be really scary. You know how to do the first steps; you pack up your things, say goodbye to your friends and family, and get in the plain. But then suddenly you’re in an empty room with a bunch of mixed feelings and emotions such as euphoria, fear, impatience, homesickness, panic… and you’re really not sure what to do next.

On your first day in London you’ll be completely lost. But seriously, don’t worry about it – that’s normal. When you move to a city like London you’ll have to get used to using transport a lot: you’ll get three buses, the tube, mind the gap and change two times to finally get on a flying dragon to get to college, and it’s impossible to learn all the tube routes in one day (Google Maps is your friend).

You might be late for your first lecture. Your uni calendar might not synchronise properly (damn wifi) so it looks like you’re supposed to be at three classes at the same time. And then you’ll probably end up attending a quantum physics lesson, when you’re supposed to be in photography 101, and by the time you realise this you’ll be too embarrassed to get up and leave.

And yet I promise you this: it’ll be fine.

Give yourself time. You’ll soon get used to speak in another language (fully understanding British accent will be like the level-up-special-combo), and you will meet loads of students in the same situation (and most of them will be really interesting cool people that you wouldn’t have met otherwise). With time you’ll feel proud of yourself for getting into a such an amazing adventure, and you should! It’s hard to live with strangers, whether you are in halls or not, and everyone knows it’s not easy working and studying at the same time, but it’s completely worth it and it does pay off.

Studying in London is an incredible experience. Not only will you be living in another country, but you’ll get to know lots of different cultures (not just British!) which will give you a much richer vision of the world. It will help you to get to know yourself better, and it’ll give you the connections and power to do anything you want to, and to believe so.

Any fear you experienced in the beginning will turn into confidence, and any struggle you face will temper your will. Adversity can be a great teacher that will help you solve anything life may throw your way.

But don’t forget to make the most of your student life, go to events, don’t be afraid of meeting new people and get involved in societies and communities! Unfortunately they won’t give you the information about those straight away, but if you ask anyone there you’ll surely find what you’re looking for.

Someone once told me, “If it excites you and scares the hell out of you at the same time you should probably do it.” I think they were right.”

Clarification - Sadly it looks like @arts-su​ is deleting their tumblr, and since so many people told me this piece I wrote a few years back really helped them, I decided to re-post it so it doesn’t disappear forever.

[wollfling]

Thank you for taking my ask seriously, and I'm sorry if I came across confrontational. This is a bit of an emotional subject for me so it's hard to explain what I mean. I don't think you came across as mean or rude.

Do you really believe that making AI art can never be a creative process? I'm sorry if again this comes across aggressive, like you said tone is hard. But if someone spent hours trying different prompts, tweaking the phrasing until they got an image that communicated an idea they wanted to communicate… isn't that a contemplative, creative process? Isn't that art?

To be blunt, I'm not a creative person. I have tried to change and learn but I'm not an artist and I've never made anything that has had any value, to me or to others. When I say it's accessible, I mean that someone like me could use it to make something meaningful, which would otherwise not be possible. Why is it that when people try to make technical fields more accessible, it's about introducing tools that let you produce good results with less skill, but the most I've seen in creative fields is people pushing for bad results to be accepted? Is it wrong for me to want good results?

I'm sympathetic about artists losing their livelihood, but I don't think that's a good argument against it. When the sewing machine was invented, lots of people who would have made a living sewing would have lost their livelihood, but that doesn't mean the invention of the sewing machine was bad.

This is a bit of a fraught discussion so I'll understand if you need to stop at any time. I really want to come to an understanding but it's hard for me not to feel like this is a new tool that can produce good results without years and years of experience being dismissed out of hand by… people who have years and years of experience. Maybe there's just some fundamental gap that in experience and understanding that I can't cross because I'm not an artists?

Of course, it's a serious topic to me! And an important conversation to have since ai is becoming more prevalent.

Creative processes doesn't exactly equal art, or visual art, for example I like to be creative when coordinating my outfits but my outfits are not art. (I've sewn some of my own garments that I designed- though they were more for function than art so I still wouldn't count them. There's a fuzzy line that devides design and art I feel)

Referencing the article about the winning ai work again, the creator sees himself more of an author than an artist. Creative writing can be art (like poetry for example) but it's just not the same as visual art. So in my opinion it's not art. Typing keywords into a ai generator no matter how specific is not art. As they article also said, the creator likened it to a word game.

Why is it not possible for you to make something meaningful on your own? Why do you believe you've made nothing of value? Why do you need the ai generator to do it for you? Do you mean you can't create your own images, because you don't like your drawings?

The reality is that art is a skill, communication is a skill. There are so many things I, as an artist, want to say with my art. And want to depict in my art. But i "cant" because of my lack of ability. So I work to get better, so I can say more and how more, and be concise or as vague as I want in my pieces effectively. This is the reality. And there are people who have improved way more in just a few years than I have over most of my life. That's the reality. Doesn't mean my work is worth any less.

What are the bad results you are talking about? Ugly art? Like the art community is pushing for bad results... so ugly art? And the good results are the ai generated images? You can want those "good results" but they ultimately aren't yours. Again, please don't take this as mean or an attack but it's not your art. A computer program made it for you. Artists are pushing for these bad results, which I am assuming again is bad art, because bad art that you've made with your own hands and heart is worth infinity more than an image generated by a soulless computer (made for you. Not by you.) Because art is about connection too. It's complicated of course, I'm sure other artists will say different things, but this is my opinion. If you don't understand why art made by people has value and that a pretty image made by a computer (guided or not) does not have that value, I'm not sure I can.

The sewing machine is a tool. You still need design the garments, construct them yourself, physically sew the seams with the machine. It just makes it faster, and easier on the hands. I think that a sewing machine is comparable to a drawing tablet, it's a tool that can help the process but everything else is made by the artist. This is so different than ai generated images from keywords. I'm not entirely sure, again, how to explain this difference either..

Again, I don't mean to offend or anything. I don't think it's about experience as an artist, rather how you view art. Art isn't just pretty pictures. If you view artists work as such then I understand not seeing the difference.

Sorry if my response is messy or if I missed something, I don't mind having the conversation but I didn't know when I'd get the chance to reply later today (and I had to type this a little quickly;;;) I don't mean to be dismissive or anything!!!

Edit because I forgot something important, if making ai art gives you a feeling of creative accomplishment and an outlet, nobody can take that away from you, and I don't mean to either. If this is important to you, you should do it! I just feel it doesn't belong in spaces with paintings, illustrations, etc because it's just not the same. I don't think that's elitist of me, they just aren't the same thing and shouldn't be treated as such. Again, I hope I didn't come off as mean at all.

[kayaabrownn-blog]

I believe that my grandfather, or as I call him, my poppy, is like a father to me. I strongly believe that he has taught me more things than a father ever could. I also believe that he would do everything in his power to keep me safe. As grandparents grow older, they cannot do as many of the things they did so easily anymore. My great grandfather, a WWII veteran and immigrant, had raised my poppy to always put others before yourself and to fight for the people you love. My grandfather has succeeded in giving me a life full of opportunities and it has given me confidence I am grateful for. Going off to college worried him, not because he didn’t trust me, but because he couldn’t be there to protect me. Being a young woman coming from a small town to Philadelphia was a huge change I wasn’t mentally ready for. I asked myself for a way to go to college with a piece of him with me at all times so I could feel safe. Being a former black belt in karate, my poppy believed that self defense is something everyone should know properly, including me. Being a man of smaller size, self defense techniques have helped my poppy escape dangerous situations in his teenage years. Hearing these stories had inspired me to learn with his help. For months, he had tried teaching me in our make-shift studio all the techniques that could come in handy. Where I did enjoy the art and movement of karate, I couldn’t execute the techniques well as my body felt awkward. A month down the road, A jiu jitsu studio had opened near my house. The first class was free, so I jumped at the chance along with some friends. I immediately fell in love with jiu jitsu and the environment and began taking it more seriously. My poppy could not have been more proud of me as I came home that night to show him all the techniques I had picked up, which helped in karate as well. As months before college passed by, he had told me that saw his eager younger self in me as I received my blue belt with a smile from ear to ear. Now whenever I compete, I can only feel as if he is there inside of me guiding my next move. Thanks to my poppy, I have a sense of security in the city as I walk to class knowing he is with me if I need him. The video of my talent is a jiu jitsu match of me at a recent competition in Philly.

[impostoradult]

I finally figured out why it feels like Supernatural murdered a unicorn (AKA why you need to STOP telling me to watch Black Sails)

I’ll start by saying, everything everyone else has been saying CERTAINLY bothers me: 

- the queer-baiting - the bury your queers - the undermining of Dean’s character arc  - the wasted opportunity for a certain kind of overall narrative closure - the flat out disrespect to Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles

 All of that bothers me tremendously. 

But there has been something else rather ineffable about this that has left a horrible taste in my mouth that I couldn’t quite pin down until last night. Bear with me, if you will, because this will require some set-up. 

*** This is not the first show to ever disappoint me in a spectacular fashion, nor will it be the last, I suspect. And one of the ways I’ve always coped with that disappointment was to remind myself that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right. (”It” being any number of things from just pure narrative emotional coherence to not burying your queers to not stringing along your queer audience and then yelling fuck you to them on the way out) 

But somehow that assurance -- that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right -- has rung particularly hollow in this instance, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why until yesterday. 

I kept asking myself, why do I still have this feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach, like something was lost here that can never be recovered? 

Because something was lost here that I am doubtful can ever be recovered, and I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else talking about this aspect of it at all. 

***

A few months ago, TV critic Maureen Ryan did a great interview piece with Mike Schur (of Parks & Rec/The Good Place) discussing the death of long-form TV in the streaming era. They explore how the longer seasons and longer runs of traditional broadcast/cable TV provided an opportunity to tell particular kinds of stories that you simply can’t when seasons are 8-10 episodes and series typically run 2-4 seasons (thanks Netflix).

One key thing we’ve all lost in this new era of highly condensed TV storytelling (and of prestige TV narrative styles)? The traditional (several season’s long) slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance. Not only is there simply no longer the time or space to write such romances, it has also come to be seen as hacky, manipulative, cheap, artistically impoverished, low-brow, a embarrassing vestige of the era before TV became art™. 

Everybody is trying to be Fleabag now. No one wants to be Frasier. (”It’s really more like a 10 hour movie” they all like to brag)

Obviously TV still has romances, even ‘drawn out’ romances. But ‘drawn out’ in 2020 is like 2-3 seasons, maybe. More commonly it’s like half a season. Take Schitt’s Creek. The number of episodes between when David and Patrick first meet and when they first kiss? Seven. Seven episodes. Half a season. If you watched it live, it took less than 2 months for them to move from introducing that dynamic to consummating it. And I’m not bagging on Schitt’s Creek; I think the David/Patrick’s story is very lovely and well-written. 

But Niles & Daphne (Fraiser) had to wait 7 years and over 150 episodes before they finally got there. Josh & Donna (The West Wing) had to wait 6+ years, and 145 episodes. Mulder & Scully (The X-Files) had to wait 7 seasons and 143 episodes. Booth & Bones had to wait...you see where I am going with this. 

And my point is (and I can’t believe I never realized this explicitly until now): there has NEVER been a queer slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance of that type on TV ever. EVER. 

I’m going to say that again, because I think it bares repeating:

There has never been a queer, slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance that fits the 100-150 episode paradigm of delayed gratification on TV. 

Not ever.  

I can’t think of ONE example  Not a single, solitary one. And I know queer TV pretty well. Arguably the closest we’ve ever come is Legend of Korra, and that ran 50 episodes, a THIRD of the length of old school will-they-won’t-theys like Booth & Bones or Josh & Donna. 

Queer people have had a fair number of canonical romances on TV by now, even fairly long running ones. But we never got a primary/front-and-center romance that you had to root for for 100+ episodes before you got any kind of canonical consummation.

That is a particular kind of TV experience that queer people and queer characters were just 100% shut out of until it was too late. And because of how the TV landscape has changed in the last 10 years, I don’t know that that opportunity will ever come back around in our lifetimes. 

***

Dean and Castiel are/were a legacy of an earlier era of TV, an era that still contained the possibility for a will-they-won’t-they of that particular mold. There were other shows that could have also filled this gap at one time - Rizzoli & Isles, OUAT, House MD, etc. But one by one all of them were killed off, their queer romances unrequited, until Supernatural was the only one of its’ generation left standing. 

And they should have acknowledged that they were a species about to become extinct. 

There are plenty of other valid and compelling reasons Supernatural should have gone full Destiel, don’t get me wrong.

A) It would have been the most emotionally satisfying ending to the series and to those characters (and that would have been reason enough). 

B) It would have stopped the manipulative queer-baiting of the (disproportionately queer) fanbase (and that would have been reason enough). 

C) It would have been queer representation of middle-aged men, of bi men, of queers who came to their queerness later in life (and any/all of those would have been reason enough). 

D) It could have been a glorious subversion of the bury your queers trope, considering how often they’ve died and been resurrected (and that would have been reason enough). 

But point E) on this list is the reason this one hurts in a singular way that no one even appears to be acknowledging. 

Almost all of the other wrongs and missed opportunities contained in this Supernatural debacle have the possibility of being rectified (at least to a degree) elsewhere. I can and I likely will get more bi male characters from TV as time goes on. I can and likely will get more middle-aged queer characters. I can and likely will get more queer characters coming to their queerness later in life, and starting queer romances later in life. I can and likely will get more queer characters who aren’t killed cheaply and prematurely. I can and likely will get more genre TV shows with sprawling myth arc plots that are resolved in a coherent, satisfying way. I can and likely will get Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles involved in other projects that value their work and their talents. 

All of those other things are at the very least POSSIBLE, and many are even likely. 

But a queer 100-150 episode slow-burn romance a la Mulder & Scully or Niles & Daphne or Booth & Bones? That is the one baton Supernatural dropped spectacularly that no one else even has the possibility of picking up again for the foreseeable future. (They don’t even write those types of romances for heterosexuals anymore!) 

Seriously. It was a TV unicorn. And rather than letting it run wild and free, they stabbed it with a rusty nail. 

***

Given the monumental shifts in the TV landscape that have occurred in the last decade, I don’t know that TV will ever go back to the slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance spanning 100-150 episodes. Today it is a miracle if you can get ANY show to last longer than 50 episodes in the first place. 

And that is the piece of this that makes it feel (to me) like they murdered a unicorn.  

Because queer people have gotten a lot of things from TV, and they will get a lot more as time goes on. But that one? That one could very well be a totally extinct species.

That is the larger missed opportunity here that has left this feeling especially hollow and destructive. That is the thing that makes me balk when people tell me to go watch Black Sails or Pose or whatever other prestige TV show is doing this representation ‘better.’ Because that’s not really the loss I am mourning here. I KNOW there is ‘better’ representation elsewhere.  

But the will-they-won’t-they/slow-burn romance is a qualitatively unique thing that queer people literally just never got. Ever. There is no substitute, no alternate, no other show I can turn to with that kind of build-up and pay-off for a queer couple, and there probably won’t be in my lifetime. Not unless the TV industry undergoes another monumental evolution similar to the streaming revolution that shifts the incentives back to telling those types of stories again. 

All those shows you want me to displace Supernatural with? None of them can give me the one thing I uniquely wanted (and could have gotten) from Supernatural. THAT ALTERNATE SHOW DOESN’T EXIST. It doesn’t exist. And I have no reason to hope it will ever exist in my lifetime. 

So stop telling me to look somewhere else; you don’t understand what made this one a unicorn. 

***

Addendum: The only other possible show that could perhaps fill this gap is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (re: Mac/Dennis). But I’m hesitant to say it exactly meets that criteria, for a number of reasons:

1 - It’s far less serialized relative to Supernatural and (except for a handful of stand-alone episodes) very little of the story is grounded specifically in Dennis/Mac’s romantic dynamic (unlike SPN, where it is absolutely central to much of the narrative)

2 - IASIP is fundamentally satirically in nature/tone which makes it much harder to have genuine romantic pathos (not impossible, but harder) 

3 - All the characters on IASIP are fundamentally crummy people who you aren’t exactly supposed to root for. Which doesn’t mean a romance between two of them can’t have its value/charm/worth but it’s not the same as when it is between characters who unequivocally deserve nice things/happy endings

[raine-kai]

Contextualizing the Messy AkiHaru Scene

So...it came to my attention that a lot of translations of the scene where Akihiko crashes at Haruki's house in chapter 20 of the manga or the anime movie suggest that nothing happened more than we see in the panels/on the screen.

This is a translation error. The Japanese is unambiguous that a lot happened during the scene break; the art backs this up, in the change to Haruki's hairstyle from before to after the scene break.

Mainly, I want to retranslate for people who are interested, who didn't know that this was a mistranslation. But, I think that no matter how the scene is translated, there are subtexts and undercurrents that are lost, that cannot be simply translated into existence.

So I would like to explain several things in the lead-up to the scene in question, as well as in the aftermath, in order to hopefully give more context.

WARNINGS FOR SPOILERS AND NONCON

Notes on Translation: Given astonished me from its very first chapter with its deliberate and brilliant use of words. It is a story that is so incredibly articulate when it wants to be that moments of wordlessness or fragmented words are equally articulate, for they are crafted with as much deliberation and care as the articulate moments. As anyone knows who has ever tried to translate something, just plain translating the surface meaning of words often leaves a lot of the meaning behind. I will do my best to convey in English what the original text conveyed to me in Japanese, but it will inevitably fall short of the original text.

The Lead-In

First off, let's talk about Akihiko and the particular damage that he brings with him into this scene. He, of course, has the argument with Ugetsu and the fact that he has nowhere to go; but he has also been living this way for two years, presumably only a little longer than he has known Haruki. Akihiko describes the patterns that he and Ugetsu go through:

[Translation: "Even since Ugetsu and I broke up, we periodically continue to clash. Sometimes it's about the timing at which Ugetsu found a new guy. Sometimes it's just before or after Ugetsu is away for a long time. Sometimes these clashes come suddenly, immediately after we have been intimate for a few days, just like we used to be.]

Later, Akihiko reveals that he has a pattern of dealing with being kicked out of the home he shares with Ugetsu by finding someone, anyone to stay with. He has come to associate these stays as transactions, where the thing that he provides is most often sex. (We also see this transaction-based approach in his relationship with Ugetsu, for whom he feels compelled to cook—a thing that he later continues for Haruki with an urgency that does not match Haruki's easygoing acceptance of this dynamic.)

In fact, we see hints that perhaps Akihiko associates crashing with someone with providing sex to a deeper degree than even he acknowledges, in a scene in volume 1 where he crashed at Haruki's apartment while drunk, and upon stating it would be too much trouble to pull out a futon, did not merely crawl into bed with Haruki, but on top of him.

[Translation: Haru: Akihiko, get a futon and sleep wherever... Aki: Whaaat? But that's so much effort... Haru: So sleep on the....floor....]

So this is a deeply engrained association for Akihiko.

However, it is also a part of his life that he has gone out of his way to conceal from Haruki. From Haruki, he has not merely concealed the many times that he has essentially prostituted himself for a place to sleep; he has also hidden from Haruki that he has any flatmate at all, much less the nature of his relationship with said flatmate.

Haruki has the idea that Akihiko used to sleep around, but does not anymore. He is blinded partly by his own desire to see only the best parts of Akihiko; he is also blinded by Akihiko's desire to only reveal the best parts of himself to Haruki.

In volume 4, we see the moment that Akihiko lets slip that he has a flatmate, and the degree to which this shakes Haruki.

But the more emotional moment for Haruki comes when he realizes that Akihiko is talking to him on the phone while having sex with a woman.

[Translation: "That was a woman.... He was totally having sex."]

No promises have been broken; no trust has been betrayed. But there is an illusion of Akihiko that Haruki has, that Akihiko himself has carefully cultivated over the recent months for a reason that even he cannot explain. It is a paper-thin illusion, that only held up because Akihiko and Haruki both wanted it there.

But now, that illusion is shattering.

This just so happens to overlap with Take suggesting that Haruki take on a support role in his ex-gf's band.

Haruki has struggled from volume 1 with insecurities. He is the band leader; he is the one who brought them together, the one who runs their social media, the one who keeps them in line. Given is a band that absolutely would never have existed without Haruki. Yet he feels outshined by the other three members. There are several scenes depicting Haruki struggling with this. Akihiko is often the one to whom he voices his insecurities, and always without fail sets him straight. There is one particular exchange, during the same conversation when Akihiko reveals that he has a flatmate, when Haruki calls himself ordinary (凡人枠) and Akihiko retorts that he is not, he is 調停者枠....which is difficult to translate, but essentially means mediator, but in this case is denoting that he is the one who brings the different pieces of the band together (both musically, and as a person). Akihiko tells him then, "You're the one that everybody seeks," with a particular look in his eyes even as he reaches for Haruki's face. (Haruki pulls away and Akihiko pulls back and laughs it off.)

But the undercurrent is, for the first time, Haruki is beginning to see the truth of the words that he never quite believed. He is wanted and needed...he just needs to find a way to explain this to the other members of Given. In particular, Akihiko, who has always felt to Haruki like someone on equal or higher footing than himself, despite Haruki himself being older.

And these are the undercurrents at play as we head into the scene in question.

The Crucial Chapters 19-20

Akihiko shows up on Haruki's doorstop in the middle of the night, with an injured face from a fight with Ugetsu.

Haruki lets him in and they start talking as usual....but this time, it's different. They are both just a little bit at odds in a way they have never been before.

Haruki is aware, now, of a facet of Akihiko's life that until recently he had believed was left in the past.

Akihiko perceives that Haruki is hiding something, and in his typical way, immediately wants to know what it is.

This is why, when Akihiko asks his questions and asks if Haruki is hiding something, Haruki snaps back in a way we have never seen him do before:

[Tr: "[I am, but] you're one to talk!"]

Akihiko grabs Haruki by the wrist and asks again, and Haruki tells him...but throws in that the band he is doing support for is his ex's band.

Akihiko responds, "So you're going back to your ex?" and proceeds to crawl on top of Haruki to acknowledge for the first time what has always been unspoken between them: "You're in love with me, yet you're gonna run away?"

As Haruki lies sputtering for a response (he tries to pretend ignorance, but can't finish a sentence, between Akihiko pressing closer and his own shock) Akihiko reaches for Haruki's braid—the hair that Haruki has been growing out for as long as he has known Akihiko, as something like a wish charm (願掛け) for his love; the hair that Akihiko is somewhat obsessed with, taking every opportunity he can to play with it or style it—and speaks words that reveal that he is still fixated on Haruki's ex.

[Full text: 春樹さぁ、元カノがどうとか言ってたけど、お前こんなんで本当に女なんか抱いてたの？

Translation: You talk about this ex-girlfriend, Haruki, but did you seriously have sex with women like this?

Note: the こんなんで/"like this" is beautifully ambiguous. On a surface level of course it is referring to Haruki's long hair—with all the years of pining and love for Akihiko that that implies—but it also draws attention to how they are right now. The fact that Akihiko has crawled on top of Haruki as he has before, and Haruki does not fully push him away. It draws attention to the way that Akihiko himself is so central to Haruki's entire being.]

While Haruki flushes and thinks to himself, "Shut up, shut up! I did have sex with women, before I met you!" Meanwhile, Akihiko kisses him—a kiss that the art carefully does not show us lip-to-lip, either only showing us angles where we cannot see the point of contact, or focusing on the contact of only their tongues. Make no mistake, this is not a romantic kiss. This is a kiss full of frustration and pent up emotions and two years of unspoken, unacknowledged emotion brewing between these two.

Akihiko begins to strip Haruki further, and Haruki interjects, 「え、うそ、うそうそ、待った」(tr: "Wha- wait wait wait, just a sec"), which Akihiko ignores, and proceeds to begin performing oral sex on Haruki, even as he acknowledges internally that his actions are taking out his frustration with Ugetsu on Haruki.

[Note: the words Haruki uses at this point are not clear "Stop" signals. え、うそ、待った are all words that convey shock and uncertainty, and it is noteworthy that Haruki does not at any point use a word that would convey an equivalent of "Stop". That doesn't make this consensual, as his consent has not been obtained, but this is important to note, that Haruki deliberately does not ever outright tell Akihiko to stop.]

This is where Akihiko reflects on his messy relationship with Ugetsu, and the lingering hold it has on him:

Even since Ugetsu and I broke up, we periodically continue to clash. Sometimes it's about the timing at which Ugetsu found a new guy. Sometimes it's just before or after Ugetsu is away for a long time. Sometimes these clashes come suddenly, immediately after we have been intimate for a few days, just like we used to be. Like he is urging me, "Great, here's an opportunity. Let's part ways and break up for real." Like he is shutting me out of his world by force, to reinforce that he doesn't need me. What the hell? If you don't want me, why do you allow me to hold on? If you sympathize with my holding on, why do you try to throw me away? I want to trap you. I want to escape. I want to give up. I can't fully give up. I want to touch you. I can't breathe...

And when Akihiko comes back to the present, some time has past. His shirt is gone, Haruki places a hand over Akihiko's with tears in his eyes, and for the first time, says やめてよ [approx. translation: "Please stop," but this is a very gentle way of saying it—a plea in softer language]....and then continues, そんな顔しないでよ、辛そうな顔しないでよ、なんなの？言ってよ、なんでもしてあげるから [tr: "Please stop looking like that, like you're in such pain...What is it? Please tell me. I would give you anything."]

It is the なんでもしてあげるから here that is utterly striking. @edragoon​ and I debated translations and arrived on "I would give you anything" as the best option, but even with Haruki's soft language leading up to this, even with his words so focused on Akihiko's pain, the sheer love conveyed by these words is heart-wrenching—as is the art, Haruki's hand reaching out to Akihiko's face.

Akihiko has unearthed Haruki's unspoken feeling as part of his self-destructive spiral in a move that he no doubt expected to hurt Haruki, but instead, Haruki has owned up to his no longer hidden feelings and offers all of himself to Akihiko; turns the focus back onto Akihiko and his pain, rather than on himself, as Akihiko probably expected. As no doubt has happened in similar situations with Ugetsu.

And Akihiko, caught between Haruki here and the mess in his heart that is Ugetsu, expresses resentment that these words are coming from Haruki instead of Ugetsu.

"Why did you have to be the one to say that?" Akihiko laments silently, and then out loud,

[tr: "Telling you won't change anything."]

He follows this up with a small, "Sorry," and wonders to himself "Why couldn't it have been you?" (In Japanese, as in English, it is ambiguous whether he is wishing that Haruki were the one he wanted those words from, or that Ugetsu were the one saying those words. The last use of "you" in his internal monologue was directed at Haruki, supporting the first interpretation, but he is also lost in his head, so it would be no surprise if he is swaying back and forth.)

The scene breaks here, and on the next page, Haruki is curled up facing the back of the couch, fully dressed in new clothes and his hair now pulled back in a ponytail, and Akihiko is seated on the floor with his back to the couch, shirtless.

[Tr: "I'm sorry. Truly. I was completely in the wrong."]

Haruki responds, "That's not the part I want an apology for," even as he remembers those damning words, Telling you won't change anything.

[Tr: "...I said I'd give you anything. By the end it was basically consensual."]

Haruki goes on to say Akihiko is free to stay over, but he will be going to a friend's place.

Akihiko visibly panics, but only manages to call Haruki's name once as Haruki tells him he can use anything, can leave the door unlocked, but simply should be gone by morning.

Haruki leaves the apartment, and we see him cry as he walks through the darkened streets as those words Akihiko spoke again.

Left behind, Akihiko berates himself for how much he lets himself lean and depend (甘える) on Haruki, and he reflects on the events with his family and Ugetsu that lead him to where he is, without anywhere else to go. [NOTE: this is no doubt a significant factor in his later decision to move out of Haruki's apartment once as he goes through the process of bettering himself.] He contemplates the ways in which he has behaved towards Haruki, the parts of his own life he has almost instinctively hidden from his view.

Akihiko spends the night on the floor by the couch. (A shot of the clock at one point tells us it is 1:20am.)

We see morning dawn, and it is as Take is at work discussing lunch break that he gets a text from Akihiko, asking if he's seen Haruki. It is in the evening, when Take goes home, that he finds Haruki listless and hollow-eyed in front of his apartment.

The clock reads 9:40pm when Haruki comes home at last. Apart from the few hours he was with Take, Haruki has spent the better part of a night and a day alone who knows where.

[Tr: "Oh, you're still here"]

The hair that Akihiko had adored, the hair that Haruki had been growing since the day he met and fell for Akihiko, is cut short.

The Aftermath

The two of them don't shy away from the subtext of the last day—especially Haruki, who says blandly, "Sorry, but I'm tired after your rejection of my feelings, as you can see. Please go home." And when Akihiko tries to reach for him with a, "Wait, but—" his hand his slapped away by Haruki, who informs him, "Look, I'm angry at you." and cuts off Akihiko's attempted apology one syllable in with an admonishment that an apology will only make him angrier.

But Akihiko says what he should have said the night before—that he is at the end of his rope and has nowhere to go. He quietly asks to be permitted to stay in Haruki's apartment, assuring him that he will sleep on the floor, that he will not do anything again. He begs for Haruki to help him.

Haruki is furious.

「サイアク」the narration repeats: "[This/he] is the worst."

At last, Haruki agrees, but with the words, "If you weren't a band member, I'd throw you out."

The next day at band practice, Akihiko and Haruki are wildly out of sync, and while Haruki puts on a carefree smile for Uenoyama and Mafuyu, he is still spiraling with despair and humiliation.

And yet Akihiko too is on pins and needles, reacting with abject (though silent) horror when Uenoyama asks Haruki what's wrong.

But Haruki tells Uenoyama and Mafuyu nothing, and when he walks off and Akihiko goes after him, the words that come out of his mouth are all about his insecurities about his place in the band. About how he is too ordinary and does not belong in such a band of geniuses.

This is not what Akihiko was expecting his outburst to be about; this is also familiar territory for him, that he knows how to handle. Akihiko knows music.

He assures Haruki of why his music was off today, as he would have any other day. He assures Haruki that he is utterly deserving of his place in their band, as he has so many times before.

[Tr: "I've pretty much always told you that you're necessary, haven't I!?"]

And all at once, memories come rushing back to Haruki of so many times that Akihiko has told him of his value.

Haruki's anger loses its momentum and he deflates. They had back to Haruki's apartment, with Akihiko promising to cook dinner, as he is the freeloader. (Another nod to his tendency to view these arrangements as transactional.)

Living together proves a disillusionment process for Haruki. Of course, the night that Akihiko first came to his apartment was the enormous catalyst, but the disillusionment process continues.

All of those ways in which he had formerly idealized Akihiko crumble one after another for Haruki as they live together. Akihiko cooks, but he only has one flavor profile, and often makes fried rice. Akihiko spends most of his days on music, be it violin or the drums, and it is louder than Haruki is used to with his bass—it is also evidence that Akihiko is the musician he is because he puts in the work, not just inherent talent.

...And that brings us to the end of volume 4, so I think I shall stop here!

If you read all this way, thank you, and I hope this added something positive to your day!

[ac3id]

The Artist and His Majesty| 18+

𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒾𝓈𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓂𝒶𝒿𝑒𝓈𝓉𝓎 0 / 5 | fantasy au. 

chapter i , chapter ii

pairings: yandere! emperor! shigaraki x female! reader.

warnings: [series] dubcon, exhibitionism, size difference, degradation, masturbation, bondage, reader is also kind of delusional, death, violence (not on reader). (there are more but i can’t think right now.]

↪ for chapter 0: none !!

summary: you come to the big city in hopes of starting your career as an artist but things take a shocking turn when you’re recruited as the court painter for the royal palace.

↪ for chapter 0: a strange man approaches you, offering to buy your painting to which you oblige. little do you know that it kicks of a series of unfortunate events ending with you being trapped in shigaraki tomura’s clutches forever.

wordcount. 

a/n: finally !! i started this series. high-key inspired by these two dresses in my wardrobe and @ana-list‘s this  drawing ! seriously it’s literally everything. also thank you once again for proof reading this @the-grimm-writer ! 

taglist: @shigaraki-is-my-master, @deathmemeiverse, @n4dhii, @bat-eclecticwolfbouquet-love, @mstssister, @nereida19, @prince-zukohere [dm to be added/ removed.]

“That’s a beautiful painting,” a rough, scruffy voice calls out, jerking you away from your daydreams. Your grip around the color canvas resting in your arms tightens as you glance behind your shoulder to see a well-built man standing right behind you. He’s tall and a lot older than you, he has short grey hair which falls right before his eyebrows along beautiful, matching grey eyes. A cigar hangs lazily from his lips as he occasionally huffs on it, blowing clouds of smoke out his mouth. He’s dressed in expensive robes, a choice of style only people better off could afford. You can’t help exachaning a covetous glance between his expensive suit and your sloppy, knee-length, light green dress. “Thank you.” you murmur shoving him an appreciative look, hoping he’d leave you alone. When you come to the city to complete your studies in art, you mother, father, family and friends had warned you about men like these. Rich, snobby men who liked to lure in young, naive girls. Whispering praises of how they are the most unique on the planet so they pull their guard down form them to take advantage of the helpless beings. 

“Can I take a better look? It’s the Emperor, is it not? Your painting. ” You hesitate before turning back to him. Not a lot of people had seen the King to be. He lived humbly in his castle, trying his best to not indulge in the affairs of the common people. “ Yes,” you hold up the slightly small canvas (courtesy of you being broke the entire week and not being able to save up to buy a bigger canvas). To even get an idea of Shigaraki Tomura, you had to go through many people. Not a lot of people had seen his face, he had always kept it hidden under a mask. No one knew why he did so but the many conspiracy throes suggested it was something to do with his personal grief.

 You had heard many stories about him. Some made him look like a spoiled brat with a demeaning, ignorant personality who didn’t care for others and as the rumors said: self destructive habits which lead him to tear the skin of his own neck down whenever he got anxious or frustrated. 

Others portrayed him as a strong, confident man and a reliable leader who cared for his comrades. You did not know which one of the two personas brought him your attention but you couldn’t complain. Tomura had caught you under a spell, and despite never meeting him (and knowing full well you never would), you were still ready to sacrifice your life for him. He was your King even before he had taken his crown, to you he looked like a shining bright light ready to enlighten you. To you, he was a god. And as years passed by, he grew from a caterpillar into a cocoon which was ready to burst open as a butterfly into the beautiful, mysterious world. And it was happening today, Prince Tomura Shigaraki’s Coronation ceremony. After the passing of All For One, it was his turn to take the crown and fulfill his duty as the ruler of the nation

 The entire city was busy, bustling with people. Families, friends and everyone in between gathered around the huge castle walls as they waited for the ceremony to begin. They waited patiently, filled with excitement and joy as they waited to catch a glimpse of the new great King. You were among them. You had come down to the centre of the city with your friends, waiting alongside many to catch a glimpse of the new ruler. The painting which nestled in your hand was something you were hoping to sell today, to a shop or anyone who wants to have it. It was a beautiful painting which had taken you several days to complete, and dare you say it, you were quite proud of it. From all the things you had heard about Tomura, you had managed to sketch him decently. Long white, wavy hair reaching till his shoulder, skin white as snow. He sat proudly on his throne wearing a cape with his vermillion eyes peering through your soul. His face was scarcely detailed as you did not have much idea about it but he still looked ethereal. With little scars running both his eyes and a comparatively larger one on his right. Chapped lips with even more scars running over them wildly, he was not conventionally attractive. No one would call him a pretty boy yet there was something more, something alluring which attracted  you to him. His beauty was rare, not in the grasp of many but if it was grasped and held close to the heart, it was hard to let go off. And you found him attractive, very attractive. 

The man took a good look at your painting, examining it carefully and for a second you really thought he had seen the mysterious Prince. “It’s quite similar to him,” he sends you a friendly grin and you notice a tooth from his front missing, leaving an uncomfortable gap. “Have you seen him before?” he asked and you shake your head, no. He gives you an amused expression, “I must say, you are very talented, miss…?” you complete your name with a nervous smile. “And you are?” you ask. 

You realised that you were getting a little too comfortable with the stranger and it could be a really bad decision but you can’t help but give him the benefit of the doubt as he behaves like a gentleman you can find yourself to trust. “Kagero Okuta but I like to go by Giran,” he says with a lop-sided grin. Giran, you’ve heard the name before but cannot recall where and how. It sounds so familiar but you just can’t grasp it, he looked wealthy so you assumed he was a Noble and that made you even more curious as to why he was speaking to you.

 “What are you planning to do with that painting?” he asks, diving a closer look and admiring its features. “I must say, you’ve got it quite accurate but,” you stiffen, your hands growing cold as your heartbeat picks up. You realized your painting must have some complications, drawing a man you had never seen before purely out of your interpretation was a hard and a bold task to do. But to have someone who had actually seen the King for himself pinpoint your mistakes sent a rush of anxiety through your veins.

 “He’s not that bony.” He completes and you gulp nervously, looking down at your painting in disappointment. Your eyes are filled with disappointment,  all of the time and effort you spent making the piece all for it go in vain just because you missed a small detail. Giran notices your remorse and speaks up, “But that’s quite alright. He looked just like that until a while ago,” he hadn’t meant to offend or hurt you. He still believed your painting was the most beautiful thing he had seen all day.

 “What do you mean?” you ponder, giving him a perplexed look. He leans  in closer to you as if to tell a secret, “let’s say the King has been working out behind closed doors.” you blink in confusion. It was a strange thing to say, exactly how well did this man know the Emperor? Who was it that you were talking? 

“Who are you?” you can’t help but question, bewildered by such a character. Giran says nothing. He just stares at you with his lips curled into a snappy smirk, holding his cigar between his lips. He was not going to tell you anything. Without wasting time, he quickly changes the topic. “What are you going to do with that painting?” he repeats, his voice growing impatient.

 “I am planning to sell it,” you feel a bit taken back. The friendly aura which had Giran had now disappeared for a reason you could not conclude. “Sell it? To whom?” the intruding nature of his tone starts to make you uncomfortable, there’s nothing more you want to do other than get far away from him. Yet you still find yourself answering him, “To anyone who wants it.” he hums at your response, his eyes holding a mocking glint. “Wouldn’t you like to give it to the Emperor himself?” you frown, was he mocking you? 

“That’s well...impossible.” you reply, stretching your neck awkwardly. “To you, maybe.” 

You stop yourself from rolling your eyes, this man was really testing your patience. A part of you tells you to ignore him and walk away but as he reaches into his coat and pulls out a bag of coins worth much more than you could ever earn in a month, he has you hooked yet again. 

“Hey, let me buy that painting, would yer’?” 

.

..

..

“What is the problem now?” Giran takes a seat around the round table. It was late after the Coronation ceremony and the Royal palace was already facing problems. Giran was disappointed but definitely not surprised. After all, he was their personal problem solver and broker. “It’s not that big of a deal.” A curt and hard reply cut him off.

 “It actually is, Shigaraki Tomura.” a voice speaks, coming from a man dressed in a black suit with a long, flowy robe covering his entire body. He stands taller than the other two men in the as his head is replaced with a wisp of smoke. He was none other than the trusted and talented magician of the Royal family. With eccentric features and an ability to wield strange magic, nobody knew where he came from. There were many rumors about him; that he was once a normal, handsome man cursed by a witch that turned him into a hideous monster or he simply was a ghost. “What is it, Kurogiri?” Giran rephrases his question, directing it to the other man. “We need a new painter,-” 

“Servant.” Shigaraki corrected. He stood in front of the giant windows glancing over his city as his men talked about hiring a new painter for the castle. He couldn’t care less about such tedious tasks, he had his focus set on greater things like expanding his territory, taking back stolen land. 

“What happened to Mr. Kyo?” Giran asked, Shigaraki rolled his eyes at the mention of the name and clicked his tongue, “His Majesty eliminated him.” Giran stops himself from laughing out loud. He was certain once Shigaraki would take over the throne incidents like so would double the instant. But he was expecting it to happen so soon. “And why was that?” 

“He was breathing too loud, like you are right now.” 

A cold silence broke over the room as Giran counted his breath. Kurogiri looked nervously at Shigaraki who still had his back turned to them. The longer the pause grew, the dreadful the atmosphere became. Shigaraki’s threat strung the air loud and clear and Giran was afraid to speak again. “What we are asking for is that-,” Kurogiri started in a calm, slow tone easing the tension in the room. “-we need a new court painter. Do you have any names?” 

The murderous sent in the air magically disappeared as a grin stretched across Giran’s face. 

“Aren’t you in luck?” He says, running a hand through his hair before taking a puff out of his cigar. “Does that mean you know someone?” Kurogiri questioned. Giran hummed, “You see, I met this beautiful painter today. She’s extremely talented and I know for a fact she will love working for the castle.” 

“What’s the name?” growing impatient, Shigaraki asks. “Oh, it was,” Giran pauses for a moment to recall. 

“Ah yes, Y/N L/N.” 

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 26 part one

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff)

Warning! Spoilers for All 50 Episodes! 

I’m Coming Up So You Better Get This Party Started

The Lans arrive just in time to see Cousin Jin Zixun hassling Su She, and they wonder how he has the fucking nerve to come to a party that they are also invited to. 

Su she was invited by his new best friend Jin Guangyao, who deploys a full-on charm attack, wrapping Su She permanently around his little finger. 

Smoother than the Lanling weather that’s how he holds himself together Watch out, he’ll charm you 

Jin Guangyao grew up with women who earned their living by being charming, pleasant, and hiding their true thoughts from their clients, and he appears to have mastered this useful skill set. With Su She, he exudes confidence and authority, allowing the lesser man to bask in his attention.

With Zewu Jun he deploys helplessness and embarrassment, effectively controlling a man with much greater power than his own.

Lan Xichen confronts him about Su She's presence, and Jin Guangyao pretends he didn't know that Su She was ex-Lan. This seems super unlikely, given that JGY is good at collecting information that he can use to fuck with people, and also that he sheltered Lan Xichen from the Wens directly after Su She betrayed him.

Lan Xichen seems like he doesn't believe what JGY is telling him but then he decides to drop it, passive-aggressively saying that since JGY is uninformed, he's not guilty. Lan Xichen is actually assuming a lot here about his right to tell Jin Guangyao who to invite and who to shun, but JGY doesn't push back. Lying is so much simpler.

(more behind the cut!)

Su She wins for most unintentionally sarcastic-seeming toasting expression.

Jiang Cheng, Party Animal

Jiang Cheng arrives at the party, bringing his Jiang retinue and his bad temper. He super obviously casts around to try to find Wei Wuxian, who already told him he probably wasn't coming to the party.

Jiang Cheng is that guy who only comes to a party because the girl he likes said she was thinking about going, and then he spends the whole party saying "hey have you seen Mei Lin? She said she was going to be here but I don't see her."

Jin Guangyao formally congratulates Jiang Cheng on the Jiang clan's success in the hunt, and Jin Guangshan toasts him. As always, Jiang Cheng reacts to praise from authority figures like it's rain in the desert, smiling from ear to ear. He says that the Jiang Clan will donate the prey from the hunt to the other gentry clans. ...what?

Are we seriously saying that when these dudes go night hunting it's not just to remove dangerous bad stuff, it's for profit? 

Like, do they eat monsters? Wear their fur? Make leather from their skin? Carve jewelry from their claws? Is Jiang Cheng wearing a purple monster's skin right now? (There will be an art prompt at the end of this post)

Meanwhile, check out the way Nie Huaisang is looking at Jiang Cheng, wow.

Forecast: Hazing

Having gotten the single pleasant part of the banquet over with, it's time for the Jins to pick on the Lans. Cousin Jin Zixun goads Lan Xichen into taking a drink with him, knowing that this is (mostly) against Lan rules. Jin Guangyao tries to stop him by saying, hilariously, that it's bad to drink and fly on a sword, but CJZX waves this away and keeps pushing, saying that if Lan Xichen won't drink, it's an insult to him.

A random cultivator who is definitely on the Jin payroll backs him up, saying that teetotaling is for losers, and Captain Blowhard boisterously agrees. Loudly agreeing with powerful people is the Yao clan's signature martial arts skill.

Jin Guangyao looks embarrassed and helpless, which is, as mentioned before, his own signature skill. But he's just playing his own part in this piece of theater; everything happening at this party (so far) is happening for the benefit of the Jin Clan. Cousin Jin Zixun is an ass, but he's not actually a loose cannon, and Jin Guangshan is clearly enjoying the Lans' discomfort.

Why? This entire party, the hunt, everything he's done since the end of the Sunshot campaign, has been designed to increase and consolidate his power. His main goal is to get the Yin Tiger seal, but reducing the status of the Lans is also a good move for him. The Lans have been the strongest opponents to the use of resentful energy, and worked the hardest to conceal and contain the Yin iron in the past. If he wants to use resentful energy as part of his own cultivation, he needs them to chill. 

So this is a bit of a test; will they comply with the will of the larger group in order to avoid conflict, or will they refuse, which will allow him to label them as iconoclastic weirdos?. 

Lan Xichen takes a long look at his brother, who is expressing all sorts of emotions while keeping his face very very still. 

At a guess, he is thinking that this entire party is bullshit, that his brother's willingness to play along with these assholes is bullshit, that being viciously beaten for having a single drink in his life was bullshit, that Wei Wuxian not being here right now is bullshit.

Lan Xichen picks the "go along, get along" path, having his drink and using his magic skill of anti-intoxication to neutralize it, as he'd done previously when drinking with Wei Wuxian. 

Cousin Jin Zixun picks on Lan Wangji next, and since he cannot magically or even non-magically tolerate alcohol, there is a real risk to his reputation if he drinks. But Lan Wangji breaks rules when he feels like it, not when people tell him to. He pointedly ignores the offered drink while Lan Xichen looks worried. 

The rest of the party guests have a wide variety of reactions, none of them helpful, to these shenanigans. Jin Guanshan's son and heir watches with calm interest as the power dynamics play out.

All of this is actually not great strategy for the Jins. The Lans don't play little social games to gain power, because all that time they spend not drinking, not gossiping, and not doing other stuff? Is spent cultivating and practicing sword and musical battle forms. The Lan Bros are overwhelmingly powerful as individuals, and embarrassing them won't change that.

It's moot, ultimately, because Wei Wuxian chooses this moment to arrive.

Darkness Visible

Wei Wuxian actually made a big impressive stair-climbing entrance to Jinlintai a few minutes ago, with camera work echoing Lan Wangji's stair climb at the Wen Indoctrination Bureau from several episodes back. 

But nobody was around to see that, other than us, and when he appears at the party it's in stealth mode; he steps into the frame from out of nowhere, and drinks Lan Wangji's unwanted drink.

Lan Wangji responds by looking at him like this for the next several minutes.

Wei Wuxian doesn't have time for their usual sport of Extreme Gazing, though; he came for a reason, which is to find and rescue Wen Ning. He gets right to it, asking Cousin Jin Zixun where he's keeping him.

Jiang Cheng, who is the king of worrying about the wrong fucking thing, jumps up to try to stop Wei Wuxian from talking. Like, seriously, he's ok with the Jins trying to take his clan's special extreme weapon, but he's not ok with his head disciple being rude in order to fulfill a whopper of a life debt--Jiang Cheng's life debt, in particular--or being rude in order to preserve the clan's independence.

Jin Guangshan decides this is a good moment to bring up the Yin tiger amulet. Wei Wuxian pushes back, hard, pointing out exactly what Jin Guangshan is doing. He says he's setting himself up to be a new Wen Ruohan. 

Lan Wangji pays close attention to Wei Wuxian's reasoning here, and so does Nie Mingjue, unless he’s just trying to mask his confusion. 

Jiang Cheng is too busy being horrified to listen, apparently. Or he just doesn’t agree, preferring to be reduced to a secondary authority, rather than defy a primary authority.

Wei Wuxian is, of course, all about independence; he was literally born to be a rogue cultivator, despite being dubbed “patriarch” himself, not long after this. 

Let’s Go Crazy Let’s Get Nuts

Wei Wuxian gets tired of the scene and decides to lose his temper. He makes a show of being enraged, and he genuinely is angry, but I don't think he's out of control, this time.  

He acts like he's out of control in order to scare everyone, but he makes his points very clearly, reminding everyone that he has power they don't have, that he's good at killing, that he's not patient, and that his teeth are nicer than everybody else’s. 

Everybody in the room freaks out to one degree or another--except Jin Guangshan, who is apparently too pissed off to be scared.

It's hilarious that Jin Guangshan thought he was going to get Wei Wuxian to hand the Yin Tiger amulet over by creating a complex system of social pressure against him. Wei Wuxian's favorite way of responding to social pressure is to escalate it into violence, regardless of the consequences; he's been doing that at least since Gusu Summer School and probably a lot longer. Jin Guangshan should know this, given how many beatings his son has taken from Wei Wuxian over the years.

Wei Wuxian does a fantastically sexy scary, theatrical countdown, and Cousin Jin Zixun caves in and gives him the information he wants. It's worth noticing that even under threat of death, CJZX doesn't comply until he visually checks in with his clan leader. He’s genuinely a bad person, yes, but he’s a loyal soldier, which is what most of these clans value most. 

As soon as he gets what he wants, Wei Wuxian is perfectly, smugly, in control of himself again. Everyone in the room is still stunned and afraid, so Jin Guangshan has achieved that much, at least; nobody likes Wei Wuxian having the Yin tiger seal now, including Jiang Cheng. 

As he leaves, Wei Wuxian has one of those conversations with Lan Wangji in which everything is said in glances in the course of a couple of seconds. 

WWX: I love you, I have to leave you; I've got some shit to take care of and I won't be coming back to all of this. 

LWJ: I love you; I'm probably going to have to fight you; your funeral is going to be so upsetting

Wei Wuxian turns away from everyone, and you can see the weight settling on his shoulders, as he contemplates the choices he just made and the choices that are still ahead of him. 

Jin Guangshan, for the first and only time, loses his temper in front of everybody, literally flipping a table because he's so mad about what just happened. 

Art prompt: Jiang Cheng wearing an outfit made of a Chinese mythical creature. Bonus points if it’s a qilin. Bonus bonus points if Zhang Qiling (from DMBJ/Lost Tomb franchise) is standing next to him looking grumpy while Jiang Cheng wears an outfit made from a qilin. 

Soundtrack: Get This Party Started by Pink, Charm Attack by Leona Naess, Let’s Go Crazy by Prince. 

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Was Napoleon a tyrant? I don't necessarily think he was: at least, I believe he was a better alternative to the absolute monarchs he was fighting. But there are those who disagree. What are your thoughts on the subject?

This is a can of worms to be sure.

I mean....how are we defining the word tyrant? All monarchs are tyrants to someone. Monarchy, by its very nature, is tyrannical in one way, shape, or form, no matter who is at its head. Even in the more neutered forms we see now days with the British. The Queen still exerts a ridiculous amount of power, all things considered.

Napoleon was no better or worse than any other monarch in Europe at that time. Indeed, better than some, worse than others. Because you know, he was human!

-

This got VERY long. SO LONG. Choice excerpts from below the cut:

"'Power was encroaching with large strides behind the words order and stability,' as Thibaudeau put it."

"(And I suspect he was concerned about seeming too eager for power/setting up a monarchical system. Fouche: You're about as subtle as a canon going off right next door. Napoleon: Hush.)"

"Theeeeeen the little bastard (affectionate) became Emperor."

"Napoleon Vs. Jeff Bezos: fight! fight! fight! (I'm putting my money on Napoleon.)"

--

tl;dr: a more or less benevolent emperor who had his faults and who was intimately aware, for better or worse, more than most monarchs, that the head is only tenuously attached to the body. (Skim to the bottom for my thoughts on the personal things i.e. how I interpret Napoleon's actions and brain)

But, more seriously, as with most absolute statements, I am opposed to calling him a tyrant because it is reductive and serves no purpose except to make broad sweeping political statements that I believe are far more about the person making the statement exemplifying their modern political, republican position (as in, actual republican-I-support-the-existence-of-republics not the gop) rather than expressing any sort of truth about the past. (wHaT iS tRuTh.)

For historical purposes, it can over-simplify the situation and lead to skewed interpretations of events because you're coming in with this word that has a lot of modern, 20th and 21st century baggage to it.

And, because these people are coming in with this big, bad word of tyrant as a label for Napoleon, it doesn't allow them to engage with the nuance and complexities of his reign.

Anyway.

Napoleon, as emperor, supported centralized power held in his own hands, with support from other governing bodies (senate, council of state etc.). However, Napoleon had a lot of influence in the structuring of these governing bodies and the subsequent appointments as a means to exert control over entities that would otherwise be able to act somewhat independent from him and impinge his power.

We see this consolidation of power beginning, obviously, under the consulate. 'Power was encroaching with large strides behind the words order and stability,' as Thibaudeau put it.

There was the whole theatre around the Tribunate offering to extend Napoleon's tenure as First Consul for another ten years as a means of thanks/showing gratitude for all he did for France (Fouche was like: fuck that, let's just make a statue of the guy). Napoleon played the part of Humble Servant of the Public and refused both statue and the ten year extension. (Very Julius Caesar: You all did see that on the Lupercal, I thrice presented him a kingly crown, which he did thrice refuse. Was this ambition?)

In actuality, though, he was pissed because he wanted it extended for life.

This resulted in the Council of State deciding "independently" (i.e. Napoleon wasn't present but he sure as hell influenced that Council session) to hold a plebiscite in order to ask The People two key questions: 'Should Napoleon Bonaparte be consul for life?' and 'Should he have the right to designate his successor?'

Napoleon nixed the second question saying to Cambaceres, 'The testament of Louis XIV was not respected, so why should mine be? A dead man has nothing to say.' Which is to say, he knew people would vote for him to be Consul for life, but the prospect of him choosing a successor, a la the Roman Empire, and having that choice be without input from the people and respected upon his death? Less clear.

(And, I suspect he was concerned about seeming too eager for power/setting up a monarchical system.

Fouche: You're about as subtle as a canon going off right next door.

Napoleon: Hush.)

For the Plebiscite, there were around 3.56 million votes for Yes to the question of Napoleon as consul for life and only around 8,300 for No.

The turnout rate was 60% which is uhh...impressive! (To be fair, there was no real evidence of tampering with the vote. Unlike in subsequent Plebiscites, such as the results for Do We Make Him Emperor, which were absolutely doctored. But, considering the highest turnout ever seen in the French Revolution was around 30/35%, double that is certainly something.)

Lafayette was pissed with this. He kicked up a fuss in the Senate and wrote to Napoleon saying that his 'restorative dictatorship' had been well and fine for now but has Napoleon thought about restoring liberty? and that he was certain Napoleon, of all people, wouldn't want an 'arbitrary regime' to be installed!

Napoleon: Bold of you to assume that, Lafayette.

There were, at this time, some mumblings and grumblings about tyranny from the liberals and those still wanting to continue the experiment of the French Republic, to be sure. They increased as time went on and Napoleon's power continued to consolidate.

Theeeeeen the little bastard (affectionate) became Emperor.

Lafayette: WhAt Is tHiS??

Napoleon: Look into my face and tell me honestly that you are shocked.

--

His government, as Consul and as Emperor, was centralized and very top-down in how it operated. Little was done without Napoleon's input.

The seemingly democratic institutions that had propped him up into power were retained and Napoleon used them as a means to facilitate his rule. As noted earlier, Napoleon had a heavy hand in appointments and the processes in place to fill various offices. Nothing was really...independent of him and his influence.

Though, in terms of Image Building of Empire, Napoleon worked hard to try and maintain the façade of impartiality as emperor. That he was head of state, sure, but all state apparatuses operated independent of him.

(Why is Napoleon's hat so big? because it is full of lies supporting the imperial image making machine.)

That said, when it came to filling those offices, Napoleon focused on merit more than anything as he wanted his governing officials to be capable, hardworking and, above all else, loyal.

(A good quote from Napoleon in one of his more Eat the Rich moments of the consulate: 'One cannot treat wealth as a title of nobility. A rich man is often a layabout without merit. A rich merchant is often only so by virtue of the art of selling expensively or stealing.'

Napoleon Vs. Jeff Bezos: fight! fight! fight!

(I'm putting my money on Napoleon.) )

--

This is getting really long and I feel that I've not addressed anything in a useful manner, but am I going to stop? No.

--

Napoleon, himself, at least in 1803, did express some conflicted views about assuming an imperial title. To Roederer he said, 'So many great things have been achieved over the past three years under the title of consul. It should be kept.'

Cambaceres said to Napoleon that upon assuming an imperial title 'your position changes and places you at odds with yourself.' No longer are you merely a public servant, an upholder of the Republic's ideals. Now you are a man wearing a crown, trying to be the upholder of the Republic's ideals.

(nb: I feel that duality is something Napoleon never fully got a handle on. He would veer strongly into authoritarian monarch then have moments of Rousseau-ian Idealism.)

Napoleon was insistent that his rule be a parliamentary monarchy (keeping the governance framework implemented in the Constitution of Year VIII, if I am not mistaken. But don't quote me on that.) and that the French were not his subjects but his people.

So, the imperial government worked thus with the Legislative process divided between four bodies:

Council of State which would draw up legislative proposals,

Tribunate which could debate on legislation but not vote on it,

a legislative body which could vote on legislation but not discuss it, and

Senate which would consider whether the proposed legislation conformed to the Constitution.

The Senate and the Legislative body could, theoretically, curtail Napoleon’s freedom/power. However, considering the fact that he was involved in the appointment process of these offices, and the general rhythm of daily governance, how much power they were able to exert over him was limited.

(This is at his height! Of course, towards the end we see a shift in that. But that's largely tied up in his military defeats and the British banging the door knocker demanding to be let in. Also they brought with them some friends. You might have heard of them? Bourbons?)

The initial terms the Senate brought to Napoleon with their offer of accepting him as a hereditary monarch included, but weren't limited to:

liberty cannot be infringed

equality cannot be jeopardized

sovereignty of the people must be maintained

the laws of the nation are inviolable

all institutions were to be free from undue imperial influence (e.g. the press)

the nation should never be put into a position where it needs to behead the head of state. Again.

Napoleon was uh. Not best pleased with this and had a new version drafted up that included acknowledgement of the sovereignty of the people, but a lot of the other things (e.g. freedom of the press) were cut out.

Yet, Napoleon maintained certain parts of the French Revolution's values which were reflected more in the 1804 Code Napoleon and other legislative and legal pieces than in the initial terms of Senatorial acceptance of his imperial title.

Some of the things enshrined in the Code that were carry-over from the Revolution include, but aren't limited to, the abolition of feudalism, equality before the law, freedom of conscience (to practice their own religion), gave fixed title to those who had bought church and émigré lands during the 1790s, and the equality of taxation was maintained (tax those aristos and the church). Also, there was affirmation of the idea of careers being "open to talent" rather than an accident of birth (as touched on above).

The Freedom of Conscience clause in the Code was a further formalization of several Articles Napoleon amended onto the Concordat in 1802. The Articles guaranteed the principle of religious toleration and made the Protestant and Jewish churches similarly subject to state authority (alongside the Catholic).

These are just a brief summary of some of the more liberal/revolution-informed aspects of Napoleon's governing.

The non-liberal ones I believe we're all pretty familiar with: suppression of the free press, roll-back of rights for women (women are for babies!), reinstatement of slavery (which he later reversed circa 1810/12-ish), top-down Emperor-has-final-word approach to ruling (Napoleon was all about Authority From Above, Trust From Below) etc. etc.

At the end of this, I would say Napoleon's empire falls into that "benevolent monarch" situation. For a given value of "benevolent." As stated at the start, he was like most other monarchs in Europe at the time. Better than some, not as great about certain things as others.

--

Really, it all ties back to Order and Stability.

Napoleon's assent, and his approach to strong, centralized ruling, was a result of uncertainty and constant government change over ten years of revolution alongside the growing belief, by 1803, that a republic like the Romans or Greeks was not going to happen any time soon. Not without constant warfare and the forever looming threat of a Bourbon restoration.

In addition, Napoleon was doing imperial drag. (If that makes sense.) He was dialing the notch of Emperor up to 11 - being the most emperor of all emperors. So, state control was absolute because he couldn't show any signs of weakness - either in his own body, his familial body, or the body of state. The court protocols were intense and over-the-top at times because he had to prove he was not just a second son of a parvenu lawyer from the sticks. No! he was worthy of this pomp. He was worthy of imperial majesty. He was worthy of the crown and scepter.

Napoleon was not raised to be anything other than a military officer and a middle-class head of a family (would have been a MASTER at doing Sunday Dad Puttering About the House). When he dawned the mantel of power, particularly that of empire, he had to make it up as he went along. For such a self-conscious and proud man, this was difficult. He never wanted to misstep and be embarrassed - on a personal level, political or military.

At the same time, he was reared on Rousseau and Revolution so still had those values and ideals imbedded in him, and those fears and memories. Napoleon knew as well as any Frenchman that a monarch's head is easily removable should it become necessary. Therefore, he sometimes ran roughshod over the liberty to ensure security. For better or worse, that was the choice he made.

--

Napoleon was a flawed leader with a complex approach to governing that was focused on a centralization of power within him while, at the same time, trying to be the Successor of the Revolution, the Roman Republic and the Roman Empire. Layers! Like an onion.

His approach as emperor really was within the realm of normal-for-the-times when compared to most other monarchs on the European stage in 1800. He also granted liberties to his people that were unheard of in other countries.

I feel like all my Napoleonic ramblings end with the same message: Dude was nuanced. Dude was complex. Dude did good things and bad things. Dude helped people and hurt people. Dude contained multitudes. Because he was simply human, at the end of the day.

--

ANNNNNNND we are done.

Gods bless all y'all who made it this far.

Have my favourite picture of Napoleon at Tuileries as a prize.

hmm that beautiful heavy, handed symbolism.