#i should be writing an essay

[stormsandskies]

ugh im thinking about Edyns choice to not tell Gillion what is happening and how i think of it in the view of an older sibling.

it’s so complicated because i do believe in telling my siblings what is happening to me, but also i am their protector and sometimes that means hiding things from them.

i think in a way she is trying to protect him, she knows what the elders have taught him and that she couldn’t keep him safe as a kid, and now she has the ability to change that, to keep him safe and set it right even if it puts her in harms way

and thinking about it, i’d do the exact same thing. If that was my brother who i couldn’t protect, that i lost and found again, that is in danger everyday in a war he dosent fully understand.

i would do dangerous shit and hide it, i would tell him i’m okay even if maybe i’m not because it is my chance to help when i couldn’t before.

[afi-tangerine]

luke hemmings is so long. his leg’s definitely poke out the end of his bed

[niseag-arts]

Cal lore dump

you asked for this @systembug words are hard and I might forget to include stuff so feel free to ask questions and thinfs. stuff under cut. also beware, there is drama and tragedy

physical discription, for things that don't show in art very much: Cal is Large, they were chubby as a baseline human and have maintained that general shape even through the process of augmentatin. four bladed legs and a pair of extra arms add some bulk as well. their 6 eye-lenses can be colour manipulated to emulate emotion, this aids in interacting with baseline humans. as a scholar of languages, they maintain organic airways. the rebreather can be removed to give access to their mouth. (the downside of this is they have developed a habit of stress-eating only to realise later that they do no longer have the digestive system to actually process the stuff they "ate" and having to clean out their systems). They have two servo-skulls made from goat skulls and a cyber-goat (it's like a cyber mastiff) that follows them around. it's a shredder for documents. Oh, yes, their robes are dark purple, hemmed in red. Early life, pre joining the mechanicus: Cal was recruited from an agri-world. this is where the goat skulls come from, they belonged to Cal's beloved pets that they refused to leave behind when the mechanicus recruited them. They were recruited for their talent with archeo- and xenolanguages Training and life on Aberdeen-6: Not much to say about Cal here because this was pretty standard fare. Instead, let me tell you about Aberdeen-6. My main fanmade forgeworld is Repleator. Cal is not from there. Instead they hail from Aberdeen-6, a forgeworld located far from any other systems, bordering the void of space. The planet has pridominant trading connections to the space shark marine chapter, and relies strongly on their archeotech. as to why they are out there in the void? they're using spykic energy to power their generators. the planet has a strangely high number of psykers born among their ranks, and they send them out to platforms in the void (where they will not accidentally destroy the planet if a deamon gets summoned) to harness their energy. it is unsure if this is entirely throne-sanctioned. Cal is loyalist, though, in case that needs to be specified.

life as a Magos Dominus: Despite being a scholar first and foremost, Cal eventually found themselves being pushed into the role of a military leader. Aberdeen-6 was short on those in an attempt to protect the planet from an encroaching threat. Cal underwent all of the augmentations needed for a dominus to thrive on the battlefield: their mechadendrites were fitted with tasers, they were given a pair of extra arms that had guns instead of hands, and the bladed legs to move without bounce for steadier aim. They also got the noospheric connection to their skitarii, connecting them to their vid-feeds and allowing for tactical taking control if the need arises. Caledon although pretty softhearted, did surprisingly well. Their campaigns were not as quick or efficient as others, but they consistently brought back their troops with minimal losses and the morale in these troops was consistently higher than anywhere else. They even became a parental figure to their skitarii alpha, Rho, though Rho might have wished it to be more than that. This came to an end when they suffered a thundering defeat, wiping their ranks. Cal will never forget seeing their skitarii die before them and feeling them disconnect from the noosphere while their vid-feed goes dark. They have a lot of survivor's guild about this, and their internal systems still occasionally send out connection requests for skitarii that will never be able to heed the call again. Caledon stepped down from the position as a magos dominus and had their body rebuild to be more suited to work as a lexmechanic. Working as a Lexmechanic: their proclivity with archeo and xenolanguage became cal's main tool of the trade as they transitioned away from the battlefield. their brain was augmented to be able to process multiple feeds of information at once. This also removed their need for true sleep: different aspects of Cal's brain will take turns to perform sleep functions. Cal now spends almost all their time in the archives, translating and transcribing sources. They are key in aiding explorator fleets to translate their findings, as well as help current magi understand writing on stc fragments. It was while working on one of these that Cal encountered the scared and mentally broken Intervallum, a skitarius (oc belongs to @thatspacecato). Cal, upon seeing this skittle, in fear and distress basically went "no. not this one. I will protect this one" and intervallum has been hanging around them ever since. I will not elaborate on skittle lore much more, because I feel like that's not my place, but yeah I think that's about everything there is to say about Cal, feel free to send asks or something if you wish :D

[siverfanweedo]

If I saw the unknown the evil chocolate maker who lives in the walls I would run in terror i would embrace the unknown, i would tell him he no longer needs to live in the walls i would tell him that being evil isn't all there is to him that the world needs evil chocolate makers.

i would caressed his shiny grey face, I would tell him that i don't care that he is evil i would invite him into my walls.

I would love the unknown i would wash his hair kiss him softly on the forehead.

maybe i could change the evil chocolate maker who lives in the walls. maybe the unknown could change me

[dzcool3]

my dealer: this shits called sharkey's day. it'll have you turning around again 😝

me: bro all of nature talks to me

my friend, mr heartbreak, pacing: bugs are crawling up my legs

[ranvwoop]

Ranboo just has the range cranboo is sooooo cool and unique and I love them

[igatno]

I should be doing school work, but here I am

[that-tall-queer-bassist]

Recent Mood:

Its a mental breakdown

*kazoo solo*

[gummi-ships]

[transmascissues]

it's silly but the biggest reason why im not into t yet is bc im so afraid of losing my hair. do you have any solutions/tips for it?

first of all, i don’t think it’s silly — it’s natural to be worried when hair loss is talked about by so many people as like…one of the worst results of aging for men. listening to my dad talk about how much he hates balding definitely did not make me feel particularly good about the knowledge that i may very well be joining him someday. i’m not saying the fear is right, because i don’t think hair loss is something awful that we should avoid at all costs, but it’s an understandable fear given the beauty standards we’re working with, and it’s one that a lot of us (myself included) feel.

one thing that’s helped me is just…paying more attention to the guys that i interact with on a daily basis. i’ve learned two things from it: 1) hair loss is super fucking common. i’d say it’s much harder to find an adult man who isn’t balding at all than it is to find one who’s completely bald. and 2) if you forget everything you’ve been told about how bad hair loss is, you’ll realize that quite frankly, every single one of those guys looks totally fucking fine. it doesn’t ruin their appearance and make them ugly, it looks totally natural and isn’t really even something you’d notice if you weren’t looking for it. we put so much weight on it but it’s really just not that big of a deal. i’ll hear my parents talk shit about men in my family who are losing their hair when i didn’t even notice a difference last time i saw them. it’s one of those things (like so many other appearance-related things) that you really only notice at all because you’ve been taught that you’re supposed to care about it.

this isn’t something i’ve done personally, but if you really want to desensitize yourself to the idea of it, embrace the time-honored queer tradition of just shaving your whole damn head! find out what you’d look like without hair, find out how you feel about it and what you can do that makes you feel good about your appearance without hair, test the waters while it’s still a temporary change and not something permanent. that way, it won’t feel like this big scary unknown, and you’ll actually have a frame of reference for your feelings about how you look without hair rather than accepting the societal assumption that you’ll inevitably hate it. if you don’t want to actually shave your head, you could also just fuck around with bald filters or photoshop and see what happens.

oh, and if you’re attracted to men, keep an eye out for guys who are bald or balding and also hot as fuck. in my experience, there’s no insecurity or potential future insecurity that being gay for other men hasn’t helped me with. just off the top of my head, i can think of a couple actors who i think are absolutely fucking gorgeous who have helped me get over my fears about losing my hair. despite what our anti-aging-obsessed world might want you to think, there is no such thing as a physical feature that automatically makes someone less attractive, and while making attractiveness less of a priority in your life is good, it can’t hurt to also give yourself some proof that actually, you might lose your hair and look hot as hell doing it.

basically, entertain the possibility that it won’t be a bad thing at all! whether that’s just because it turns out to be a neutral thing for you or because you end up actually liking it, it’s not an inherently bad thing. i’ve ended up liking a lot of things that were “supposed to” be bad effects of t — i love the weight i’ve gained and the new shape it gives my body, i get a lot of gender euphoria from the fact that my acne is now on parts of my face that i saw a lot of guys in high school get it and i’m not complaining about the scars i get from it either because i’ve always liked the added texture that acne scars give my skin, and so on. i think there’s a lot of joy to be had in the changes we’re taught to fear, once we look past that conditioning and actually explore how we feel about it.

but if it’s something you really don’t want and you just want to improve your chances of not having to deal with it, it’s not like there’s nothing you can do! products like finasteride (oral) and minoxidil (usually topical but i think there might also be oral versions) are pretty commonly used among trans guys, for the purpose of avoiding hair loss and for other reasons, and there are plenty of other anti-hair loss products out there (though i don’t know how effective any one of them might be). if it’s a big enough deal for you, you can just decide that you’ll go off of t if/when you start noticing signs of it, since no longer having higher t levels would stop the process in its tracks. and if you don’t find prevention options that work for you so it ends up happening, you can always explore different hair styles (judging by the pattern of hair loss i see in my family, i suspect that keeping my hair long would make it less obvious if i started losing mine), find your preferred method of covering it when you don’t feel good about it (personally i love a good beanie generally and would probably wear them a lot more if i didn’t have hair to worry about because my main complaint is the way they press my hair onto my neck), or just shave it all off if you don’t like the look of the partial balding but don’t mind a shaved head. the point being — you have options!

at the end of the day, whether you go on t or not, you’re going to see your body change as you age in ways that aren’t always going to be attractive to others or aesthetically pleasing to you. that’s just the reality of having a body. even if you never went on t, you’d get older and you might see your hair thin out even if you don’t bald, you’ll see your skin start to wrinkle and sag in places that used to be smooth, your metabolism might slow or your body fat might start to gather in new places; hell, you might lose your hair for a totally different reason and end up in the same place but without the benefits of having been on t that whole time. life is full of bodily changes like that. transphobes will fearmonger about the permanent changes of testosterone all day long but the truth is, there is no escaping permanent bodily changes. whether or not you go on t, your body now isn’t the same as it will be in 1 or 5 or 10 or 20 or 50 years, just like it isn’t the same as it was at any point in your life before now. our bodies are never supposed to stop growing and aging and changing throughout our lives. there’s no guaranteeing that we’ll love every single change our bodies go through, but that’s okay! there are so many things in life that are more important than the way our bodies look. even if you go on t and lose your hair and don’t like how it looks, your life won’t be ruined; plenty of other things will bring you joy and more than make up for the insecurities.

just think about the gender euphoria and relief from dysphoria that t could give you. would losing your hair be bad enough to outweigh all of that? or is it just the pressure of a society that decided balding is bad that’s making you fear one single change despite how much joy you could have if you let that fear go? only you can decide if going on t is worth the potential downsides for you, but i suspect that for most of us, the benefits of going on t far outweigh the possibility of side effects like hair loss happening down the line.

[thedunesea]

New silly headcanon because my main source of enjoyment from star wars is making myself sad thinking about that sad old man.

When Obi-Wan returns to Padmé's ship after cutting Anakin down, Threepio has already brought Padmé inside. Being the fussy neat freak he is, he has also brought Obi-Wan's and Anakin's robes inside the ship: they are nowhere to be found on the floor.

And Obi-Wan, being the sad, broken man he is, held on to Anakin's robe for the next 20 years. This is why he has Anakin's gameboy advanced! Because it was in Anakin's robe!

But this is not all! Because, this, THIS:

is in no way THIS:

BUT THIS:

And Force do I wish I could see Vader's face HERE:

"Is that MY FUCKING ROBE????? Obi-Wan, what the hell-"

So yes, Obi-Wan Kenobi died in Anakin Skywalker's robes, and you will pry this from my cold dead hands

[brimay]

Sometimes I feel normal and then I remember that Peeta is canonically the only person Katniss found truly attractive. And she married him.

[otaku553]

Procrastination doodles of sabo for the king sabo au :)

[courtrecord]

honestly i hate how that “maybe the curtains are just blue” post has become shorthand for anti-intellectualism and shit bc as someone who has an utter passion for media analysis now, I WAS THAT PERSON IN HIGH SCHOOL ENGLISH CLASS.

english class never taught me how to analyze stories, it taught me how to remember what things the teacher said were “symbolism” and how to take quizzes where we had to match a quote to the character who said it. i didn’t give a shit about any of it, bc literally why should i. it was bullshit.

there’s this idea online that people are forgetting or rejecting what they learned in english class when they’re bad at media analysis, and maybe that’s a little bit true, but i think the much bigger problem is they never learned it in the first place. cinemasins & “maybe the curtains are just blue” aren’t convincing people to abandon an intellectualism they already had, they’re filling a void.

when all you learn in high school is to write on the test “blue = depression”, why is it surprising that so many people don’t give a shit about the curtains.

[sunglassesmish]

cas smiling in 9x09

[spaceistheplaceart]

found an old ekurei comic rotting in my files, decided to finish it. upon my rewatch of mp100 i kept noticing how many times dimple was referred to as a pet- but he's not ! ! ! he's a friend :)