#i should prolly make a tag abt this

[bluemeows]

getting back into the habit of using tumblr again feels so healing actually

[viiridiangreen]

subscribes but like resentfully bc how dare big tunglr data clock my Brand like this

[cielospeaks]

low res seth looking like a plant screenshot that i took at the cafe

[chillinlikeavillain811]

BRING BACK LAES!

Hello! If you were unaware, in one of Davis' latest streams, he told everyone to make noise about the Lunar and Earth show (Respectfully!). If you're not caught up with what happened with Laes, then I'll summarize it.

Laes, or The Lunar and Earth show, was wrongfully terminated due to scam allegations. These, of course, are false allegations. But they believe that it's possible that the cause of said wrongful termination, was due to a specific knock off Temu Lunar plushie. Yeah.

So Davis told everyone to respectfully make some noise on any social media platform you can, using tags like #Bringbacklaes and #bringbacklunarandearthshow, alongside many others that I'm prolly forgetting, to get Youtube to notice it!

It's possible that I'm wrong abt some things, so if you see anything that's incorrect or that I should add, then please do tell me!

[nats-revival]

𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙞𝙨 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙖 𝙗𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 / 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙚 𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙝 𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙪𝙥 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙨 | 𝙚. 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙢𝙨

pairing: ellie williams x afab!black!reader

tags: told from readers pov and ellies pov, alternates between third person and first person, sorta angsty, fluff at the start, basically ur dina lol, jj isnt here tho, one use of y/n, one description of reader (just hair?? i think that’s it), ellie has ALOT of inner turmoil, reader lowkey knows that tho, great music/artists (not to toot my own horn but the songs and artists mentioned are BANGERS!!!!), sorta canon typical universe, mentions of abby and tommy (not really any actual involvement in the story.. well, sorta ig), ellie refers to reader as ‘she’, and i think thats it!!

a/n: lowkey thinking abt making a part two but everytime i start a series i always end up stopping at the second chapter. 😭 anyways, ill get to finishing those other requests diligently! 😇🙏 also ignore the fact i added hella tags, its prolly like random stuff but just trust me bro its in here!!!

Ellie was acting weird. Like, really weird. After Tommy had come and gone, something shifted inside of her. Like he’d altered her brain chemistry in some strange way. She was much quieter and she was biting her nails — a habit she’d picked up whenever she was thinking or nervous. You stand in the kitchen cleaning up some dishes as a Lauryn Hill vinyl plays softly. Ellie didn’t know much about your music taste but god, did she love it. She loved lots of things about you, your cooking, learning about your culture, how you helped her broaden her outlook on the world with the lessons instilled into you by your parents and grandparents. It was something she valued above all else. You found yourself humming along to the tune of the music and occasionally mumbling the lyrics. The stairs creaked as she walked down them rather slowly. The sound of the record player being on made her wonder what you were up to. She picks up the sleeve the vinyl had been in and she reads it. “‘The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill’? You’re always listenin’ to this record. It must be your favorite then, I presume.”

She walked over to you while you were drying off a plate. “It’s a classic, Ellie. Who doesn’t like this album?” You ask as a small smile creeps onto your face. She’d always made you smile, but it now just seemed like she was trying to deter you from the fact that something had obviously been going on in her mind. She leans against the counter, looking over her shoulder at the setting sun. She hadn’t said anything as she alternates between looking at the sunset, you washing the dishes and nodding her head to the beat of the songs playing. Once the dishes have been washed, you rummage through the cabinets for a small candle. It was one Ellie liked. It smelled like some sweet citrus scent and the label had been rubbed off. You reach into a drawer and pull out a box of matches. You strike it until it burns and you light each wick, then putting the match out. 

   Then, you stop the record and put it back in its sleeve. “I should get you another vinyl. Who else do you listen to?” Ellie asks as she steps behind you. You shrug. “In the old world, I listened to a lot of music. I had a Walkman but yknow, someone stole it.” “That sucks. I had a Walkman aswell at some point. Never saw it again.” She pushes her hands into the pockets of her worn jeans and you nod in response. You let out a little yawn. “I think I’ll go to sleep soon.” You mumble to yourself as you turn to Ellie. “Yknow, for my birthday, you could get me like a.. New Edition one if you could find it.” You suggest with a smile. “You got it, babe. I’ll search as hard as I can.” She smiled softly and kissed your cheek. You return the kiss and begin walking up the stairs.

    You head for the bathroom to shower. The water never got as hot as you preferred but you couldn’t complain. At least you’d been getting some water. The water was lukewarm. Your clothes had been discarded on the floor. You step into the shower and your mind begins racing. You were there the entire time Tommy had been talking to Ellie. You’d opened the door to him. You watched him limp into the dining room. You let him in! You were starting to think that wasn’t a good idea as you washed your body. Ellie tended to rethink her actions and doubt herself a lot. You couldnt like, literally see inside of her mind, but you knew she had lots of inner turmoil. Killing people and the undead coupled with trauma definitely wasn’t an easy task to balance. You could see it in her. But she was addicted to that sense of justice. She felt compelled to protect the ones she loved even if it meant it was self destructive. 

   As you exited the shower, you found Ellie sitting on your shared bed awake. “Ellie, are you not tired?” You ask softly as you dress yourself. “No, well, yeah. I was just.. waitin’ for you.” You nod in response. You wore a pair of shorts and a shirt with some faded graphic that appeared to be from some Mortal Kombat game. You sat next to her and you grabbed her hand gently. Your thumb runs over her knuckles. “Yknow you can talk to me. I’ll listen, Ellie. I’m here for you.” She mumbled a soft ‘I know’ before she leaned her head against your shoulder. The moonlight shines through the windows, gently illuminating your features and Ellie’s. You could hear the windchimes outside swaying with the wind. “Cmon, let’s get some rest.” You suggested as you walked over to your side of the bed. You knew Ellie had a hard time sleeping most nights, and some days it was visible on her face. You just wanted her to sleep for one night. In a way, you knew why she couldn’t sleep. Maybe because she wanted to protect you from whatever may stumble in here while you’re in your most vulnerable state, or maybe because her self-decapitating thoughts were  eating her alive. You laid in the bed, facing Ellie as she settled in the bed. 

    In one hand held her switchblade (she went to sleep holding it most nights.) She looks at you with a tired smile as one of her hands comes up to gently caress your face. “When this is all over, ‘m gonna give you the whole goddamn world.” She mumbled as she leaned forward to give you a soft peck. “I’d do the same for you. I’d get you everything you could possibly ever want.” Moments like these were your favorite moments to have with Ellie. Her words of affirmation, love and even her promises were all you could ever think about whenever you couldn’t sleep. You knew she meant everything she said because of the sincerity in her voice. You smiled to yourself. Ellie saw you and she smiled too. You turn to her. “Ellie?” “Yeah?” “Don’t leave me. Not ever. I can’t lose you, I still have so much to show you.” There was this kind of.. expression on her face. Uncertainty. Worry. Compassion. Her response was small, as if she wasn’t sure if she’d ever abide by this unspoken promise to you. “I won’t.” You smiled softly before you got a little closer to her, holding her in your arms as you drift off into sleep. 

(Ellie’s POV now lol)

She was so close. Holding me as if she’d never let go. Thoughts were too much. My mind is racing. I keep seeing him. Tommy did something to me. I couldn’t just.. leave my girlfriend. The one who’s been with me through thick and thin. A woman like this wasn’t easy to come by, especially during an apocalypse. The moonlight was always my favorite light to see her under. She’d been glowing, god, she was beautiful, ethereal even. The way her braids sprawl over the pillow, her soft breathing, the soft thumps of her heart were all I would’ve needed in a perfect world. The draft coming through the window gave my goosebumps. We’d been laying here for a few minutes. It was amazing how fast she could fall asleep. The switchblade I hold has a reflection from the moons light. I see myself in the blades reflection. I look away.

  Something inside of me screams ‘Go get her. Go kill Abby. Finish the job like Tommy suggested.’ Slowly, I slide out of the bed. Standing in the middle of the room, I realize that there are some windows open. Shuddering, I go to close them. I made sure to keep my footsteps light so the floor didn’t creak. After closing the windows upstairs, I go into the room my art was stationed in. There was a box under my desk containing my journal. I know she never looked through it because I didn’t want her to and she respected that. I flip through the pages of it, looking back at my entries. There’s an entry in my journal. ‘Sometimes, I hear people talking. They tell me to do bad things. I know I shouldn’t. But how do I ignore a voice so loud? I should tell (Y/N). I can’t tell her. I don’t want to ruin this for her. She seems.. happier when she’s not constantly running for her life.’ The note was next to a few sketches of her and moths I’d roughly sketched. I was tired of the voices. I return the journal and walk downstairs to close the rest of the windows downstairs. I stop infront of my guitar. 

  I sit down, strumming a few cords before I stop. ‘Go get her. Go kill Abby. Kill Abby. Show her what pain feels like. She killed Joel. Finish the job.’ The voice was repeating. It was driving me insane. The voices came after we left Seattle. I want the cycle to end. Nothing ends if I just ask it to. That’s in some.. nonexistent world. My skin crawls with this need. Not the kind I feel when I look at her and her beautiful face and body. It was bloodlust. A vicious cycle never ends, that’s what makes it so vicious. This is the continuation of a cycle I can't break. “I have to do this.” I mumble. I move mindlessly as I gather my things and get ready. I have to kill Abby. I feel like my only purpose in life is to protect, sacrifice, and suffer in silence. Killing Abby seems like.. my magnum opus right now. She tells me that ‘violence isn’t the answer’ and to ‘control my urges’ but I can’t.      As I stand in the kitchen, putting the last of my things into my backpack, the stairs creak. She’s awake. Fuck. She wasn’t supposed to wake up. God, don’t look at me. Don’t do this to me, I need to do this— “Ellie? What’re you doing?” Her voice makes me freeze in place. I don’t move. I stare at her. Her tired eyes. The longing in her eyes for some sorta.. normality in her life. Our life isn’t normal and has never been normal. Was anything normal in this life? Who knows. Nobody knows. Matter of fact, I don’t know.

[nitrokiraru]

since i've been a lot more active on this acc i figured i should make a pinned ^__^

welcome to my accounttt!

you can just call me ren! i like to be referred to by she/they pronouns. im an adult (20 y/o).

my main interests that i'll talk about on this blog: nitro+chiral visual novels, bl visual novels, prolly bl in general. ive accidentally turned myself into a n+c updates blog i also like non bl visual novels as well, but will probably mainly talk about blvns

list of my vns on vndb, just for reference of the ones i have played and will play in the future: vndb

main favs include:

-the entirety of nitro+chiral (dramatical murder, slow damage, sweet pool, togainu no chi, lamento)

-you and me and her

-saya no uta

-uuultra c

more favs soon to be added as i play more!

might also reblog other interests from time to time or aesthetically pleasing pics, but i will mainly post things myself about n+c visual novels or updates from ones im currently playing

byf:

i like the "controversial" n+c LIs/ships such as madatowa, minao, and shiaki. it's completely fine if you don't, but that sort of stuff will be on this account! i do like all n+c ships though, and will reblog/post abt all of them. (also by ships i mean canon to the game, i dont have strong opinions on the crack ones. although noiz x koujaku is and will always be the shit)

i don't really tag stuff like triggers, not because i dont care but because im not nearly as active on here to even know ;; i just sort of come on here post about my usual brainrot about some yowie man and reblog things from the tags i follow. honestly i dont really tag reblogs period unless its to add a comment

since most of the visual novels i play have pretty mature themes and stuff that probably needs trigger warnings, just let it be known that if you have certain triggers this blog might not be that safe! i just want everybody to be comfortable ^_^

dni:

the basic dni criteria, pls refrain from interacting if you are racist, homophobic (it would be ironic if you to be here-), terf/transphobic, etc.

if you hate anything i regularly post about. pretty self explanatory i dont wanna hear abt a character i posted abt is bad or a series i like is problematic or something you are free to have this opinion i just would prefer you not have it on my account <3

thats pretty much it! (unless i think of something else to put later lol) overall thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy my blog full of blvn/eroge brainrot. i hope u can also be equally as insane as me about these various characters and vns/media

also let it be known all fujoshi, fudanshi, and fujin are welcome on this page. BL is for everybody (real) <3 the world should all become yaoipilled

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

Oh yeah should probably make an Official Post abt it since it's relevant now:

I will be tagging everything Veilguard related with DA4 and DAV, and spoilers with DA4 SPOILERS and DAV SPOILERS

Note for the spoiler tag, i used it yesterday to be safe & will prolly also use it for the gameplay reveal tomorrow, but otherwise i'll be using it for Actual Spoilers once the game releases!

[quirkle2]

in zombie au, what if the hypothetical situation where the gang does indeed run into Zero food supply, would zombie mob really eat either or both tome and ritsu :o (i literally laid awake last night imagining this scenario jwndjwndkwn)

oh and one more thing! i would very much like to know what goes on mob's thoughts when said hypothetical situation comes around :3

hogod . oh god i did this didnt i. i did this im so evil im so

ok. this is the evil timeline.we don't talk abt this timeline very much, it's evil. so this is prolly the only ask i'll answer abt it. warning for cannibalism, mcd, and suicide

in the not-canon hypothetical where they Do run completely out of food, mob would indeed get desperate enough to snap and lunge at one of them, and he'd go for tome first. she's less familiar, she's Not his sibling, and she's only been around for a few months

how ritsu responds to this sorta depends on the situation, but in that particular scenario from the previous ask and its tags ritsu probably Doesn't have it in him to shoot mob and he lets tome get killed. he feels like a Monster for it, but he's simply not going to kill his own brother for a girl he just met a couple months ago. he's going to choose mob every time

given that ritsu doesn't have any food for himself here, he's sorta trapped in a nightmare. if they leave after mob gets his fill, he'll feel like tome kinda died in vain, or at least smth close to it. through the fucking Raw Fear he's probably feeling after watching his brother eat another person, he's doing his best to grasp onto logic and say well we should stay here. bc that means shige will get rly well-fed. there's a perfectly good... food source right here. we shouldn't waste it

but ritsu has no food, and he literally can't resort to eating her bc that's tainted meat now. he'd just turn afterward. so they have to leave her. and that makes him so fucking upset in the grand scheme of things but rly, in the moment, he's glad to make that decision bc it means he can stop being in the same room as her corpse

now if it somehow happened Again and mob got that desperate a second time, with nobody but ritsu around? uhm.,,,,he would? i think. he would. as much as i'd love to say he wouldn't, he's a zombie. instincts takes over eventually. and then he'd wander aimlessly until exhaustion, a patrol, or starvation claims him. hashtag bad ending hashtag throwing tomatoes at the stage

to answer ur second question: after mob gets cured, in the middle of his recovery, he starts to remember bits n pieces of the journey, and while it's very fuzzy and it jumps around a lot, he Thinks there was somebody else w them at some point

so he asks ritsu. hey was there ?? anybody else with us? and like.whatthe hell do u say to that. ritsu knows that if mob knows, he'd lose his mind. he wouldn't be able to handle that. so he Has to lie, and he kinda panics and fucks it up a bit bc he says, "nah bro just us ^-^" and completely omits tome from the picture. fucked up but he panicked, okay

mob goes hm. ok. but then he remembers more. he remembers her face, vaguely, and her name, and at first he kinda chalks it up to brain weirdness in his recovery stages, but as time goes on and he gains more and more memories of this girl that ritsu claims was never there, he comes to the conclusion that ritsu Lying might be more likely

and if ritsu lied to his face about this, about a Whole Person being with them, what else is he hiding?

if mob ever did find out what exactly he did to her, or even to that man he mauls to protect ritsu in the canon timeline of this au, i think he'd lose it. he wouldn't be able to live w himself. i genuinely don't think he'd be able to go on after that

[dragimal]

sometimes I forget my dept manager is really bigoted, until she says something completely out of left field without any prompting.

just now, she saw I was still wearing a pride flag on my name tag and was like, "y'know, I don't care abt gay ppl, they can do whatever makes them happy, but why do they get a whole month for pride?"

which is rly funny of her to say to someone wearing a pride flag, when most 'allies' in my area would not feel comfortable showing any visible support for queer ppl, so I feel like wearing one should be like. obvious. also she's seen my beard before, she knows I'm not a 'typical' chick, lmao.

but anyways, I was just gonna roll my eyes and nod along until she stopped, but then she continued like, "I mean, Blacks [quoting her, bear with me] went through hell, but where's their month, or one for any other races??"

and I just had to stop and stare at her like. did I hear that right? I would've just let her peter out on her own, but I had to stop her and let her know that there is, in fact, a Black history month. and a Spanish heritage month. and an Asian American heritage month. etc. and she was so shocked like, "what, there is??"

and like, I know that other race issues unfortunately don't get as much publicity (good or bad) as Black social issues, but I've known abt Black history month since I was a child? there were ad bumpers on popular kid's channels, there were notices at my school, etc etc. and this girl's younger than me, has she been living under a rock???

but even once I told her that, she continued like, "well, it still feels like you only get to celebrate yourself if you're gay or lesbian," and ended her spiel there.

and y'know, there's def a conversation to be had abt corporate focus on certain events, and I even explained to her that Kroger prolly (unfortunately) thinks that those other pride/history months wouldn't be profitable. tho if the only reason she didn't know abt those racial history months is bc fucking Kroger didn't sell products abt them... she's got bigger issues, lmao. and there's an even deeper conversation to be had abt white prioritization in basically any social issue, including queer pride, and how that prolly contributes to the greater focus on queer pride as something that can be white-washed and sold back to a white audience. hell, this month's disability pride, and I don't see Kroger doing shit for that.

but she framed her argument as if she really wanted to ask why there isn't a straight pride month, but recognized that admitting that is no longer considered PC, so she used racial pride months as a scapegoat. like, forgive me for not trusting my fellow white coworker's sudden 'concern' for race issues, when she didn't even know abt Black history month to begin with. and if she did, I have the sneaking suspicion she would've complained abt that too.

[retreiverrey]

Finally making a pinned post/intro for myself now lol

Wsg, I'm Jackie!!! Also known as Rey or Topkick, but Jackie's my main name and the one I prefer to be referred to

Poc, Black; Transfem, 'n' She/Her pronouns 😎

I like drawing things, especially pertaining to my interests 'n' my own characters. I'm mainly digital but used to do traditional a few times lol

Main art tag is #Topkick Drawz where everything goes

Main big interests are:

Transformers, Dragon Ball, Sonic the Hedgehog, Madness Combat, Spiderman, and comic books and related things. You'll definitely be seeing me talk about such a lot here lmao

Also a Selfshipper which you'll prolly see me post abt frequently on here, I'm very self-indulgent abt it too

Always open to finding cool mutuals/followers who share interests, especially if they're also selfshippers too!!

This is my fursona, I like drawing her a lot so you'll be seeing her a bunch - you can see more of her here

And my selfship OC too, who you'll also be seeing frequently

Last thingies, you can also find me on:

Toyhouse

and Art Fight

That should be all, hope y'all enjoy my profile!!

Feel free to send asks my way whenever you want as well, you can also send drawing requests in there if you'd like too and I might do em if I ever have the time and feel like it 👍🏾

[kurjakani]

Psst! Mutual who is some kind of aromantic here, have you ever considered that you may be aromantic, or perhaps frayromantic in particular? Like, as in you experience romantic attraction, but this attraction fades after getting to know the person you're attracted to?? If you're not frayromantic that's okay too, but I thought maybe if you've never heard this term it could be helpful for you to look into it!

There are many people who share your exact feelings, and it's not a bad or disgusting thing to experience, by the way. You shouldn't punish yourself for having your own feelings, if they were something you could control through will alone the world would be full of people who only act upon logic and reasoning and not how they feel about a situation.

And studying the person you're attracted to could be your brain trying to understand what caught your interest in the first place, it could be your brain trying to protect itself from something it doesn't understand, but trying to understand other people in relation to yourself is also just a totally normal thing people do.

Chin up Kani, I hope you feel better soon! :]

Thank you for the kind words!!!; V ; Like i said in the tags of a post yesterday, even though I think im allo (as i do have a few very genuine. People ive had & have romatic feelings for, that have been long lasting, esp one) i do reasonate w a lot of aro experiences in other cases. Eg technically you're right- ive had the frayromantic experience many many times. Someone else suggested I look into lithromantic experiences and that rly reasonates w me too- i have a couple friends i technically do have rly like. Strong ass crushes on, but also the idea of actually being in a romantic relationship w them can be. Disinteresting or even repulsive. I am specifically drawn to being a lil in love w them, yearning for them, but them being my friend/other aquintance.

I do have a lot of guilt around these feelings since ajgh. Memtal eelness. But. Learning abt other ppl w adjacent experiences does make me feel a lot better

Also u r right... i think the studying ppl thing is more of a thing of.my. social anxiety. Id bet. Like im not as afraid being around.ppl anymore? Like the fear nerves don't activate? But it's still how my brain learned to work in an enviroment to survive. I hope i can... i actually. This is prolly smth i should talk abt in therapy, when i do get back in there one day. Inability to just live in a moment w ppl instead of observing them like a theatre play w themes n shit 💀

[faustandfurious]

ive been thinking about re-reading faust (ive had the first part(? i think it is split in two parts) assigned in high school) lately. any good articles/books read with it? maybe i should try some other version before getting into goethe? im slightly afraid of it, but only slightly! i think i know the basic stuff abt it from school but i want more, and definitely more abt it’s influence, not what influenced it. if you have like a FAQ for Faust or idk a tag or shelf on goodreads and i can’t see it sorry and you can send me a link. hope you have a nice day. cheers and thank you. ☺️

I did make a post once where I listed works that were influenced by the Faust legend or had Faustian vibes, but Tumblr being what it is, I can’t find it right now, but if you want to look into works influenced by Goethe’s Faust, there’s obviously Doctor Faustus by Thomas Mann, Manfred by Lord Byron, Faust by Turgenev, The Master and Margarita by Bulgakov, Peer Gynt by Ibsen (this is just going off vibes, I don’t know if there’s a proven link).

I really wish I had a repository of links to Faust related nonfiction/articles/research papers, but I’m bad at organising stuff. It’s a long term goal to be able to put together a readily available Faust masterpost (prolly on Dreamwidth where I can actually find it when I need it). In the meantime, getting an annotated edition of Goethe’s version will be very helpful for understanding the nuances and contextualising the work.

[translesbianvampire]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

(idk why it says 15 btw there really is only 13)

ty @emodennis 4 tagging me

were you named after anyone?

nah, tho i picked my last name from a cooler last name in our family line hehe. i picked a gender-neutral name that's femme 2 me. i dunno how much i wanna share my name on here, but...i love it

do you have kids?

nah, i don't particularly want kids but i also don't wanna close that door until i get there

do you use sarcasm a lot?

naw really? yeah i fuckin love sarcasm lol. i struggle to be understood properly when i wanna be, but also i fully embrace the confusion & chaos of communication. i love being an agent of chaos in a way, i love deadpan humor, and a lot of my comedic instinct is "what's the WORST thing i could say right now?". which i guess is part of why i love sunny.

though i also wanna say, i know how to be vulnerable & listen when it's needed of me !! i bite but i also know when not to bite. i don't want to hurt people. i don't want to hurt people

what's the first thing you notice about people?

i have no idea. everything i guess. vibe

what's your eye color?

dark brown

scary movies or happy endings?

on one hand, im a wimp and horror scares the life of me, but also, i love that horror explores, well, the inherent horrors of life. in some ways i want happy endings & in another, im fucking tired of seeing them.

any special talents?

im actually an electronic music producer of 8 years. i just dont rly like telling ppl abt it (sharing it directly), tho it's all publicly available online and easy 4 ppl 2 find/stumble upon lol. i think i should make a 2nd blog for my music stuff cus i know how 2 use tumblr now from my IASIP obsession. i dunno how much i'll link the two [if at all]

what are your hobbies?

besides music stuff, TV has gotten me into screenwriting, i like FPS games [on one hand i wanna branch out now but it's also my comfort zone in a weird way] especially CSGO/CS2 and NMRiH

have any pets?

nah

what sports do you play/have you played?

N/A tho i used 2 have a very small interest in basketball

how tall are you?

5'10" but i round up to 6'0" cus i wanna be 6'0" and i'm always wearing my 2" platform boots so i'm BASICALLY 6'0" (please just let me have this one thing lmao)

favorite subject in school?

prolly math cus it was ez for most my school life. til i got to calculus. then i fell apart and my big interest in math kinda died. but i still like numbers

dream job?

music stuff or something? i dunno lol. ill get there when i get there

tagging @bonithica @brainfogdennis @cowboycharmac @cutemeat @keenbugg @certifiedeccentric @chilledmac @dayglomasochism @lalosalamancaunofficial @season1mac @kathleenbrash27 @cowboycharmac @margle

[semiotomatics]

hello re your tags I'm a person who's been here for 12 years with less than 100 followers! in my experience I a) dont talk to ppl I don't already know irl (or if i do reach out, im on anon, hello) and I b) don't make (or rarely make) original posts, so while I've been active in a looooot of fandoms over the years, have followed lots of blogs, and reblog a lot, most ppl just don't end up following back! also with blogs deactivating over time, I probably have less than half the no. of followers than I did at my "peak".

as a side note and exemplifying the above, we live in the same city and I've followed you for years, but I've never talked to you bc of how I usually operate lol

awww hi!! thanks for adding to the dataset!! from the other ppl i've talked to who've been here a while with low follower counts, i think your experience is prolly p common. and hey, there's absolutely nothing wrong w that!! i don't want anyone to think i'm somehow judging ppl or trying to say you "should" have a certain amt of followers (got worried after the fact that what i said might come across that way), i'm just interested in how diff ppl use tumblr and what experience they get out of it!! like i said, i'm one step away from designing a study abt this sdlkfjdlk i just want the data

[a-quietly-crying-ostrich]

caught myself going into a rant in tags so why don’t i just make a post and go wild

reblogged a post abt good gift ideas and they mentioned cd’s and i’m getting a cd player this christmas which i’m really happy abt!!! i have like four cd’s rn but i should ask for a thing of blank ones. i don’t know how to put stuff on them but i swear i will fucking learn

physical stuff my beloved <333. im on my phone way to fuckin much so just move stuff i do on phone off of phone. i’m genius

read somewhere that you should get off your phone like an hr before going to bed but i’m usually reading fanfics then so i was thinking abt printing out fanfics.

main problem i see with that is formatting. i don’t want a printer paper per page, just smthn like half of one. but if you print double sided pages it doesn’t really line up

front side being red and back side being blue (those first two should be landscape not portrait but i don’t feel like going back n changing it :p. so if you print it like that and fold it hamburger style it just ends up being read/formatted like half of back page, all of front page, then other half of back page)

it goes kinda like that and idk the best way to get around it.

i could digitally format it in google docs so that the back,front,front,back turns out how i want but if i need to edit anything then the entire formatting would be fucked and it’d be really confusing jumping back n forth so i’d prolly get confused and print it wrong

i could make it so just one half of the front and one half of the back is printed then cut the bottom part off but that’d be wasting so much paper

and i don’t think i can just have it printed anywhere bc that’d be copyright infringement right? i mean im not selling them, they’d just be for personal use but idk

and i don’t wanna hand write them if i can avoid it. one fic i’ve been trying to figure out how to print is 60 pages long in google docs, two columns, 11pt arial, 1.15 spacing, landscape orientation. i’d lose my hand before i finished that shit.

idk but i have the whole winter break to figure it out so hopefully i find or come up with something.

kinda going back to the present list post, i think a toolkit is a really good idea! my stepmom got me one for last christmas (at least i think it was) and i fuckin love it.

i really wish i was taught how to use tools growing up i know jack shit. like i think i know how to use like half of the stuff in the kit theoretically but *i want to know all of it*

in my criminology class it was mentioned in a lecture that people with low self control prefer physical tasks over mental ones. i don’t have good self control that isn’t a surprise and i fucking LOVE to work with my hands when i get the chance.

(i was thinking, ppl with adhd usually have low self control (i know bc i have it skdhdj), could that be a reason we like physical tasks? food for thought)

i’m checking out of my dorm soon and we have to take everything out of our bathrooms (literally fucking everything) so i had to dismantle a tension rod soap rack holder and part of a little over the toilet cabinet. it’s dumb that we had to do that but holy shit the happy i got from doing the tasks. i had to unscrew four nails (real complex shit, i know) but i really liked doing it! like there was physical proof that i did that!!! holy fuck!!! i don’t get near that happy doing good on tests

idk just something about being able to do that was really validating to me. and i got to use my toolkit again!!

i asked my dad and stepmom if they could help teach me more &/or get more experience w tools n shit and they said yes! they built like half the furniture in their house so they know their shit. and they also said they’d help me learn how to cook more!

i love my mom and stepdad so fuckin much and couldn’t imagine growing up without them. but man did they not teach me many life skills :// what i did learn is what i actively asked about as i got older

my siblings on my dad’s side are just so much better prepared than me or my sister on my mom’s side that i live with. ngl i’m kinda jealous of them for that lol

like ~half a month ago during thanksgiving break my grandpa taught me how to check my oil and windshield fluid in my car and they’re such tiny details but i loved learning about those

headed down to stay w him tomorrow, think i may do a bit of info gathering and ask about things

hmmm…. i… am going to finish the rest of this in google docs holy fuck i should start a journal again but is that actual me or the adhd meds talking

[hongism]

hiHI your timing was great my brain just fell down the moc brainrot rabbithole again now that i realised i missed an interim chapter SDFHDFJ

honestly my fave bits are seeing people go back and be hit with that ‘oh!’ realization of all the pieces falling into place and making sense it’s so so rewarding as a writer and im so glad to see it every time 🤧

ok WORM i prolly wont reread it right away bc its still very fresh, i wanna let it simmer a little 😌😌 but when i do. does this mean i have permission to come yelling in your ask box as i do SJDFHSDFJ or would you rather i just reblog it again and freak out in the tags/additions as per usual??

ofc i don’t mind indulging you, i always always ADORE answering questions and talking about the worldbuilding bc worldbuilding is my most favorite part about creating fics!!!

OK WORM [2] i will probably pop in w random questions from time to time when moc is on the mind then. which is... fairly often. im gonna start building a little hut in your ask box, i have a feeling im gonna be here a while 🤭 might as well get cozy!

there aren’t really ‘cellphones’ or smartphones like we would have but the wristbands go in place of that.

so its not even a matter of the crew just not having them, but they just arent a thing? thats interesting :0 i guess they had their priorities on intergalactic space travel rather than a little light brick of addiction and brainwashing. yknow, maybe they had the right idea. or maybe they just didn't need the internet when you already can brainwash people with a serum 🥴🥴🥴🥴

what a lot of the scenery and environment is meant to emulate is a sort of call back to past history and things of the past, or a clinging to this old tradition even if it’s not the more forward-thinking type of technology.

could you elaborate more on this? :0 like, you mentioned kebos reminiscent of ancient rome - is it like, Actually recreating the past that exists in-universe, like Was there an ancient rome equivalent that they are paying homage to, or is it just happening to become something similar to what we as readers know as ancient rome? does this mean the people of this universe are really big on tradition? was it more like the need for fancier newer n more novel tech just fizzled out when people realised they already had the fundamentals and thats all they needed to work on improving, as a society, or was it just never invented because (??)? or is this actually really early in this universe's timeline, where the origins of technology was more focused on travel and military than entertainment, and theyve just yet to cross that bridge yet? sorry if this is a lot of questions sDFJHSKDFHKsdf im still tryna wrap my head around this in particular. i didnt think abt the whole them being criminals and therefore downgrading their digital footprint for safety though, thats pretty smart. so does that imply that the internet does exist but criminals simply know better than to use it? ik you just said its something you dont feel like going into a heap of detail abt but KhGJKSKDFG

the idea of there being things like video games or vr headsets doesn’t feel like it necessarily fits with the idea and tone of the setting that’s already been constructed, and that was never something i thought i wanted to include from the very beginning of the idea. and that was a conscious decision just because from the start, i’ve wanted the story to be set in this fantastical universe of course but the plot and the characters are meant to be the focal point

you're right, it doesn't really fit with the vibe at all - it really does just feel like a typical pirate au, but in space. having san be a gamer and seonghwa being a film nerd would probably take away from that a little SJFKSKDF its not that i feel the story Should have more advanced tech elements, but more just me being curious abt all the in-universe Why's ykno. and tryna figure out what is and isnt possible with the realm of tech available. but it makes sense that you want to prioritise the characters themselves rather than the environment, which at first seemed less of the case w the amounts of planets in the profiles but i get it now that they just serve as catalysts for character growth with their pasts and such rather than an in-depth sinkhole of planetary lore just for the sake of immersion. (youve got plenty of immersion going on already with just the Rawness of all the characters, anyway.)

in the scope of the main characters we have in our crew - i want the crew to feel like a safe space for not only the main character and the other crew members but also to the reader. they are a safe place and they offer understanding and warmth and comfort that’s completely separate from the parts of the universe that aren’t that accepting or understanding.

yeah, this i totally get an expected as much. ateez are canonically For The Gays™ and a safe space so theres no reason why theyd be any different here 😌

it’s been addressed in the plot before with yeosang and wooyoung in particular, that they could never have been together even if wooyoung weren’t a slave because of gender and because of yeosang’s position as a prince.

okay THIS i totally missed bc i had just figured it was because of the whole slave/prince thing. makes sense that a traditional system such as a monarchy would be where you find more traditional thinking like bigotry. but yeah that all makes sense

i will say that we will see a lot more characters come into play, and we will see journeys with the characters we already know, and as it’s a story that’s very character based, those are aspects i love to focus on and so we’ll be getting into more of that and seeing things unfold and manifest over the course of the story as we’ve barely scratched the surface regarding the entirety of the universe and what it holds!

this is so ominous how do you manage to say so much without saying anything at the same time. i read this and translate it to "stay tuned, im aboutta absolutely rock your shit" and honestly... so true. i am vibrating with excitement to see where this goes! tho this seems like its hinting at more diversity/queerness based on the topic at hand so would it be too spoilery to ask if moc will eventually see any trans characters 👀 s'fine if you cant answer that tho for spoilers sake lmfAOoo i just figured i might as well ask for my crumbs. LOL.

i hope this all makes sense and is more than just my ramblings bc my god did i ramble!

i did quite literally invite you to ramble so i am positively Thrilled you delivered, you could write a wholeass thesis on moc as a whole and i would read every damn word of it 😤😤😤😤 thank you for taking the time to do so!

whewie whewie i have to apologize i didn't realize this was sitting in my inbox all this time TT dumblr told me i had cleared it pretty much all the way out so i never saw this until i came in and refreshed earlier today?! wack. but i'm here now better late than never ahahha </3 haertbreaking im SO SORRY 😭😭

you can as always do whichever you feel most comfy with! if its sometihng you really want me to respond to then i'd say inbox is best bet (if tumblr lets me see it that is </3)

build your hut and build it strong it's very cozy and comfy in here indeed 😮‍💨

i would say i compare kebos to ancient rome because that's what we would know and understand it best to be. i've never envisioned this universe ever having what we consider 'earth' like i dont consider the moc universe to just be a distant future form of our current universe irl, so they aren't necessarily paying homage to an ancient roman civilazation or anything like that but rather creating on their own.

as far as their views on tradition, i wouldn't put too much thought into that tbh. in the grand scheme of things it's definitely not the most pressing matter but i suppose you could call the technology rather primitive on certain planets, but we also have to think about how large this universe is and how many planets there are and how different each one is. there are different laws for each system and each planet, i would say that aurum is the most unified and so far we've seen that they are the most advanced in terms of technology as well. some of that technology has bled to other places as well but each planet is going to be at a different point in terms of advancement just based on resources and needs are them

and definitely yes the planets and those profiles are meant to serve as a visual helper for the readers and a  somewhere i can look back on and understand what each setting provides. there are some planets where the planetary lore will come into play so that is not for no reason at all by any means, it's just that so far in the story these planets act as the stage for the actors to come alive on! but also keep in mind that this story has been going on for over 2 years at this point! the direction and minute details have definitely gone under a lot of changes so it's hard to say where my mind was at two years ago versus where it's at now!

DFAHDSKJF i fULLY plan to rock everyone's shit absoluteLY, while we aren't going to really get much in the way of main characters coming forward (it is still an ateez fic after all) but we will get some side characters who fall on different spots on the spectrum, i can't say that i have anyone right now who is trans but there might be one further down the line if i feel its important for the story telling!!!