#i still don’t have my memories back
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i am still so fucked up about this hospital report
amnesia what the fuck 😭
#I HAVE AMNESIA#might be entitled to an insurance payout because of it though#like 2-5% of 200k lol#but like#im genuinely really fucked up over this i could have died last week#im SO freaking young still#like im going to be recovering from this for a long time#but im alive#i still don’t have my memories back#at this point i don’t think they’re coming back at all#my dreams have been REALLY weird and vivid too#id love to try and talk to other people who have been through this#im trying not to let it monopolize conversations#but i am soooooooo fucked up about it 😬#sulley speaks#I’ll probably delete this later#it’s like 345 am and i haven’t slept
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Growing up w no Instagram does SOMETHING to a bitch like I really get taken aback by how second nature it is for people to whip out their phones and take pictures of the most mundane things. Not because I judge them for it but bc apart from selfies, pictures w friends, and obligatory pictures on trips I literally forget to take pictures of my life period
#I’m not the kind of girl who’ll be studying at a cafe and thinks to snap a picture of my cute latte art#I’m never somewhere and go Ohhh this would be a good angle…. Like I just don’t do that#At first the way I rationalized it is I don’t wanna stress myself out taking aesthetic pictures but now I’m like#Compared to other people I don’t rly have proof of cute little tender moments#And one day I’ll be old and decrepit and I won’t have many of these diminutive memories still#So I rly wanna change that by being more intentional ab taking photos#And maybe sharing some of them SPARINGLY bc I want it to mostly be for me#But just making it more of a priority to capture little things I’ll look back on when I’m older#I think taking more pictures is part of my 2024 resolution anyway I just haven’t implemented it thus far
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isat pokemon au, my liege?
my rambling in tags
#my art#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#pokemon#siffrin#mirabelle#isabeau#odile#bonnie#i am not individually tagging pokemon sorry. floragato eevee ursaring scorbunny meowstic <- for anyone who does not know them#im personally a big fan of when artists mold pokemon designs like clay to fit their characters so i tried to channel that#siffrin really does have the perfect mystery dungeon backstory. washes up on a beach with no memories of their past type of deal yknow#i imagine that he was still a sprigatito then? and evolves at some point during their journey? dont ask me for details i dont know them#veryy tempting to make him an absol but ive already seen that done very well!! so i kept most of these to floragato sif#mirabelle being an eevee is suuuch low hanging fruit sorry. i could not resist the evolving pokemon not wanting to evolve trope#i was concerned that sif was no longer shortest party member until i realized they just stand on their back legs all the time to feel talle#when quadruped like mira he is still shortest. sorry siffrin#isa gave me such a hard time. like i never thought i would turn a character into ursaring of all things but it really was the best choice#my other choices were bewear or pawmot if you care. he’s so bear coded#if going purely based on looks i probably would have made odile a sneasler. but i wanted her to be psychic#ill be honest bonnie was purely vibes. they carry the treasure bag :)#never draw bonnie's hat in profile worst mistake of my life#loop is still cat shaped here but i’ve seen the idea of them changing species thrown around. much to think about#i like the idea of the party seeing sif and loop side by side and immediately clocking their entire deal#the change god is mew btw. very important information to no one but myself#eurasie as hisuian zoroark?? lots of hair. and the king can be darkrai#don’t mind the inconsistencies. me and my 2781 ways of drawing the same character#wait what does an eevee look like again. googles it. oh i really crabbed this one up#uhh. looks around. been sitting on this one for a bit too long i think. maybe ill clean up some more sketches later
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hong kong miku,,,
#hopping on the trend jumpscare i’m from hong kong surprise#i haven’t seen that many hk mikus around#lowkey chat i think i kinda ate with this one#however i will say i am coloring in the dark so if any colors look off that’s why#and also i haven’t opened this program in literal months i jumped straight into this no warmup no nothing#miku is what pulls me out of art block apparently i was locked in for 5 hours STRAIGHT#someone needs to teach me how to paint properly holy#not sure how i feel about the bottom left one but that was a quick one anyways#i am from hk originally but i haven’t been back in years so i have no idea about the culture other than food and mirror#OKAY let me explain the context#street food is a big thing in hk and quick and easy things like fish balls egg waffles and like siu mai and wonton noodles are popular#back then people really would just squat down on the side of the road or right in front of the shop to eat it and go#but i don’t think anyone does that anymore city life and all that#ohh i should have done instant noodles breakfasts god i loved those#if anyones from hk if you go to the causeway bay mtr station exit that leads up to the big road near soho. do they still sell siu mai there#that shit was BANGER i remember asking for them all the time#a good majority of parents in hk would get their daughters ears pierced as a baby something about them not feeling as much pain idk#that’s just what i was told#i used the neon for her friendly standard greeting cause i wanted to incorporate the neon signs somehow without actually drawing a whole bg#lots of neon signs in hk. i heard they had to take them down cause of light pollution which is sad but understandable#everyone got their shoes from dr kong. at least when i was younger they did#boy band is self explanatory. i heard they’re really popular my mom listens to them#oh i had her messing with her shoes cause hk people move FAST. you stop for one second and you get shoved#so like a fun little allusion#gave her black roots just for fun. she is violating every school uniform code possible#this is all based off of my memory by the way so like. anyone who knows this better than i do hit me up#hatsune miku#miku from my culture#jellos scribbles#i haven’t tag yapped in so long welcome back my love i missed you
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Give it up to the man that single handedly shaped my taste in men (srs)<3
#don’t ask me why I can do the art style so accurately#I have a history…#he will always be my first crush and very underrated#mike schmidt#good memories#I will once in a while still come back to him#he is a loser in the best way possible#love him#fnaf 1#five nights at freddy's#my art#but not my art style#art
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Pre divorce shadowpeach didn't seem to be the type to fight a lot. In fact the shadowpeach divorce probably blew up that big due to all the unsaid frustrations they never let out.
So I'm just imagining shadowpeach never fighting in an obvious way (closest to fighting would be backhanded comments or barbed words) but that just makes things more unsettling
oh yeah 100% it didn’t help that swk was always leaving FFM out of his need to get stronger and be the best and be respected. not to mention they probably never saw their times together as the right moment to voice their concerns out loud because this was their time to wind down and they just had to wait it out, wait until everything was perfect enough to have those talks
#then everything went to shit#nothing was okay#swk was trapped under mountain all by his lonesome and def going insane#then Macky visits him (i’ve assumed that memory in s4 was Macky’s 1st and last visit) and they can’t pretend everything is ok anymore#tbh it was probably super ironic for them bc it might’ve been that swk would act like nothing was wrong & everything was under control#pre-battle with Heaven with Macky being the one with some concerns. but then Macky visits acting like everything’s chill and swk can’t#thus their fight is equally harsh and explosive (bc that’s what i find fun) and they never really say they’re done with each other#but both confirm to themselves that this is probably the end of their relationship and then oops! swk is free but won’t come home#why won’t he come home? Macky isn’t sure but he knows that swk is looking carefree with some new buddies and gets pissed#(Am I placing assumptions? Yes. Do they have any semblance to canon? They do if you consider my heart and passion)#anyway mixing jttw events that lmk hasn’t confirmed: Macky dies by SWK’s hand (whether directly or indirectly)#and the divorce is set in stone (bc how can a relationship reconcile or get back if the other is dead? as far as swk knows)#fast forward to lmk and they still can’t be civil or ignore their relationship issues like before and fight/butt heads constantly bc yeah#like yeah past shadowpeach is cute & fluffy & codependent still but they don’t have that hostility like in their divorced/still married era#lmk#shadowpeach#asks
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“Algorithm evasion speak” annoys me as much as the next person but I want to point out that some of you are revising history when you say all of these words and phrases were born from tiktok and the culture cultivated on the platform. “Sewer slide” for example was all over Roblox in 2017 and became a meme beyond the playerbase too. Yes, due to chat evasion, but also it’s a game designed primarily for children. Anyone remember wolfspeak? This is not a new phenomenon. TikTok only became available in the United States a year later. “Kermit sewer slide” did not originate from tiktok in by any means. The same can be said about “seggs” which I definitely remember being used as an occasional feature of lolzsorandom internet speak in the early 2010s.
#ven talks#if YOU don’t remember that’s fine but I do#it’s kind of annoying when you make a reference to an old meme or something and somebody is like ew tiktok. what are you 12 is this really#your first exposure to these phrases#yeah the whole situation with TikTok sucks but that’s not what I associate these old memes with. they’re still my old memes idc what people#in 2024 are doing#I think some of you people only have a memory that goes back like 2-3 years into the past. eithe that you’re literally zygotes idk
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my five surviving braincells when something remotely good happens:
#in other news… wORK IS OVER PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#man. i’m s o tired. i can’t believe i survived almost 2 whole years at this job…#huh. come to think of it… i started tling idol sengen before i even got this job lol. and i’m only 3/5 of the way through it…#can’t believe the idol sengen grind->hiatus->grind(?) outlives my time at [withheld] company…#i did end up spending a cool 20 mins cleaning out my work locker though. i found so many treasures i didn’t even know i had in there#like. there was an unopened 3-pack of wet tissues a n d an unopened box of pens that i don’t recall buying#and ofc the 3 random sponges i ‘liberated’ from the lab. don’t tell my boss lmao#w a i t now that i think about it i should’ve taken at least 1 vial of (allegedly) carcinogenic sand for the memories. dammit.#oh well. what’s done is done i suppose. i did receive way more chocolate than i could ever eat though…#y. yeah. i guess i’ll miss my coworkers (a little). they were fun to annoy every day. except for the new guy bc i don’t like him at all lol#i have never met someone who lacked as much common sense as he. i think he’s gonna get canned before he’s able to resign on his own terms#dude could be spoonfed through every single step of the testing process and *still* mess up somewhere smh#but no. this isn’t about him. even though he is the final straw that led to my decision to resign#hm. looking back on it now. i think i was pretty good at my job for the most part when it came to the things i could do#or maybe i was too good at it. like. to the point where even more experienced analysts were coming to me in search of help#prolly gonna miss being one of the very best (out of like a grand total of 10 people at the lab) at doing ftir-related tests#ehehehehehehe i wonder if that workstation will continue to stay as organised as it is now that i’m gone#a n d i wonder what my coworkers will do now that they can’t ask me for ms excel help for the smallest of things lol#sometimes i just wanna tell them to g o g o o g l e i t ! ! ! when they call me over for it. but alas.#can’t believe these guys know how to use c h a t g p t and not ms excel (despite having it on their resume) smh#omg wow this got long and incoherent sorry guys i think i need some sleep lol. idol sengen next week..#…maybe…? no promises though!!!!!
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nobody is gonna see this but like two years ago i read a fanfic and in it badboyhalo was the daycare worker and every day i wonder if that person still watches mcyt and knows that they were so right cause here we are w qsmp and bbh is basically the daycare guy mf watches those kids
#qsmp#i know they’re missing rn#i like watched at the beginning#and then occasionally i watched stuff#but not as religiously as i used to watch other stuff#but recently w tubbo joining ive gotten back into more#idk i hope i get to a point where i’m having as much fun w it as i was dsmp#cause dsmp memories are kinda soured since that was a dumpster fire#but while it was ongoing i had so much fun#it prolly helps that i don’t interact w fandom spaces to be fair so i wasnt partaking in any drama i just watched from afar and shook my hea#but i used to draw so much dsmp just for me and i miss drawing that much#qsmp is so cool i just don’t have the same level w it as i did w dsmp and i feel like i accidentally got so behind#IVE SEEN EVERY SLIMECICLE STREAM THO LOL#i love how i watched the first day streams and i’m still way behind on lore compared to people who joined later#not in a grrr i was here first way cause gatekeeping is lame#just as a huh that’s kinda wild how that turned out#i’ve been watching tubbo streams as background noise tho#i never chat tho i have chat closed and i’ve done that for like the three years i’ve been watching twitch#so i also have trouble getting into streamers who solo stream cause they talk to chat and i ignore chat chat stresses me out#lol when dsmp exploded and the whole thing was that youtube viewers were on twitch now#that’s me#except like not in a these youtube people don’t know etiquette way just in a i treated it like youtube and avoided the twitch features way#i watch it like youtube i never look at chat i never type in chat i just watch the video#idk not interacting w social media is a curse and a blessing
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Might be showing my age a little bit here, but did any of you guys also play Super Princess Peach on the DS when you were kids? It was one of my favorite DS games when I was younger, and the impending release of Princess Peach Showtime has gotten me thinking about it again. I still have my cartridge for it, and I also still have the original case and instruction booklet that came with it.
Even after all these years it still works too! Can’t believe that this game is almost twenty years old!
#text post#not Kirby#I’m going to be really sad if Princess Peach Showtime ends up being bad#I don’t want to have waited almost two decades for another Peach game only for it to be terrible#I loved Super Princess Peach when I was a kid it was one of my favorite DS games#I think it was also one of my first DS games#the very first ones I remember playing on my DS are this Nintendogs New Super Mario Bros DS and Sonic Rush#I also played Kirby Squeak Squad and Super Star Ultra a lot as a kid Squeak Squad was my first Kirby game#I know people tend to not like Squeak Squad that much in the fandom but I like it even if the whole cake storyline is kind of silly#I played it so much as a kid that I think the soundtrack is permanently embedded into my brain lmao#I have a lot of nostalgia for the DS as a console and also for the Wii#those were like the two main consoles I played games on as a kid they were a big part of my childhood#I have a lot of happy memories of playing games on these consoles they both had a really good selection of games#not sure if anyone else gets this feeling when they revisit games from their childhood#but for me playing through my old childhood games again feels a little like visiting an old friend you haven’t seen in a while#there’s something comforting about it like it’s familiar and it brings back happy memories#I’m glad that I still have all of my old DS games it’s nice to revisit them now and then
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i miss my ex but i don’t miss the effect he had on me something terrible happens to me when im in a relationship and it just ruins everything
#i just don’t want anyone to have that much power over me again#i feel like i need to do a loooooooot of personal development before i can feel confident that it won’t happen again#it’s just in my nature to do whatever other people want especially if i care about them and want them to be happy#i have to learn how to tone that down though or i’m going to keep ruining my own life over and over on accident#also he was really mean to me and made me feel bad a lot but idk if i’m sensitive or if he was rly mean or maybe both?#i can’t even be friends w him bc i know he will be able to talk me into getting back w him#and it’ll work on me bc i’m really easy to manipulate#so i have to just never see him again. and he was like the only person i spent any time with for years#and at first i was like yay finally i can see other people!!!!!!#and i am still happy about that i don’t want to give that up but i do wish i could have a nice time with him#we have some really nice memories together#i wish he was someone that was still safe for me but he’s not i do not trust him#he also shows me constantly that he doesn’t care about what i want he just wants to be with me and come live w me again#like i really don’t think he gives a fuck about what i want or my wellbeing if it clashes w what he wants then he doesn’t care#he’s been saying a loooooot of stuff to me that makes me very confident that our relationship cannot be repaired
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#disclaimer: this is just a vent don’t feel obligated to say anything 😼🙏🏻#tw. alcohol#trauma is real#which obviously i knew that but im feeling it rn and im just 🧍🏻♀️#long story short my mom used to drink a lot#and she chilled out recently but tonight has drank a lot more than usual and lord have mercy it’s messing with me bad folks#the amount of songs i can’t listen to be i go into flight or fight mode bc my mom used to blare them while drunk#which i mean i could have it a lot worse but yk#and like i can’t even be frustRted with my mom without feeling bad bc ik she deals with a lot but i can’t do anything to help#and the speed at which the night can go from good to bad bc of her drinking#not to mention i’m rewatching yellowstone and i still like it but it also brings back bad memories with my mom#bc we were watching yellowstone while she and i had some of our worse fights (due to her drinking)#anyways. if you’re reading shoutout to you i hope you don’t relate to this but if you do you’re not alone and ily#also who likes yellowstone#ryan please give me a chance (he’s a fictional cowboy who’s definitely too old for me)#(but i want him)#okay i’m done i hope you’re having a good night if you’ve read this far 🙏🏻
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hit 10,000 car seat headrest scrobbles WHO WONT ME!!!😛😛😛
#joshing. pulling your legg#i saw that i had like… 9500 scrobbles the other day and i went into csh lockdown#i have just been listening to csh recently it activated a part in my brain#i’m trying to go back to normal now. now that i have 10k. but i’m struggling#it’s so over for me actually bc i’ve JUST been listening to CSH and 100 gecs ITS SO OVER#but anyway. 10k scrobbles and i feel like i still have so much stuff to listen to#i don’t listen to the numbered albums like at all even tho i have them downloaded#i think when i can commit the lyrics to those albums to memory i’ll like them better#but rn it’s still just vague noise to me. awkward!#well anyway#adam chatting
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kip you ask me why are the only two songs on your skuld playlist speedcore and eurobeat touhou. and I go man I dunno
#I do know.#mine#galaxy collapse is because an amv blasted into my brain like a divine vision after reading corishadowfang’s skuld fic#it’s still blasting into my brain FOR THE RECORD#and time will tell is because another amv blasted into my head about. Just her. I think she should come back and try to fight ven#have I made this exact post before. Maybe. I don’t have a great memory#but Skuld is made of fast eurobeat to me now
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Thanks for the reply I understand now. Here you have to live in the same household physically to share accounts like that. In practice, idk if people don’t care and do it anyway like sharing Netflix passwords. It would be unthinkable with my family but that’s a messy situation so maybe I don’t actually know what’s what lol
Still hoping you get the money back! Sorry your dad has such warped thinking. I’d send him a get well soon card if I thought it would help. (My go to for assholes tbh)
Yeah my family is also a fun tangly mess of dysfunction but for years I have considered my dad “an asshole, but an honest asshole”. I have always considered him to have integrity. Like, I disagree with him on pretty much everything and his opinions on things are sometimes straight up ignorant or downright hateful, but he holds them because they align with his morals. He’s intellectually honest, and I respect that in people even if they’re assholes.
And It’s never to the point where I have considered completely cutting contact but tbh we’re now getting there.
In any case, thank you! I wish things were different and I keep going back and forth on “maybe this time he’ll listen, maybe he’s changed” because I’ve had good productive conversations with him in the past but… that’s the exception, not the rule.
#don’t mind me I’m mostly just taking this as an opportunity to get some other thoughts out of my head#personal cw#it’s that thing again where idk if I love and miss him or the idea of him that lives in my brain#that’s coalesced of all the meager good memories I have of him y’know?#I’m the kind of person who likes to seek reconciliation before all else but sometimes you have to recognize it’s not possible#Waugh I need to go back to therapy but therapy is so expensive#I just wish I had an adultier adult to talk about these things with#I don’t have anybody older and wiser than me to ask bc#well.#you guys get it lol I don’t have parents who are capable of filling that role#and unfortunately I don’t know the rest of my family#and I’m still relatively new at church#aughhhhhh#I might still see if I can talk to the deacon about this or smth#just for an adultier adult POV#who is also a neutral party
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:O
#wanted to check what is the oldest song in my mp3 (bc yes I still use one what do u mean)#(it’s technically an mp4 but there are no videos on it and the screen gives up on me sometimes so. glorified mp3 it is)#and by ‘oldest’ I mean the oldest track I put on there manually myself#like. from the first batch of songs I personally transferred from the first mp3 I ever owned and this one I have now (still goin strong bby)#and it’s Modjo’s ‘Ladies’ 🥺😔💘#(2000 stuff done riGhTt)#so many memories#so I went down a rabbit hole and found an oldie I used to like but never gotten around to find the title of#which is ‘Restless’ by Neja (1998)#the OLDEST oldest track I got technical is ‘S’agapo’ sung by s/ofia l/oren in 1957 so#i don’t think that counts#but then if we want to dig deeper I think I have some Listzs on this old boi so that’s that on that#just so we are clear. I have NO musical taste and I’m fine with that#and now back to my month of hellish activities#you have fun peeps. hope you are doing well#sneaky niki
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