#i swear my most beautiful sims are made in like 5 minutes

[adelarsims]

wanna see someone beautiful?

[dameronology]

love in the time of PTA meetings {marcus moreno} - 1/5

summary: despite what pinterest shows, being in a parent in the twenty first century is hard; especially a single parent. your kid takes up your entire life and the idea of finding a fairy tale is laughable - that is until you finally attend a p.t.a meeting and cross paths with a certain marcus moreno.  {series masterlist}

warnings: i do not have children. i don’t know children work. this written entirely what i have seen them do in the sims 4. also, swearing. 

- jazz

Leaving work early was never a good look.

Leaving work early because your child had managed to set fire to a trash can was...well, it was something else entirely.

After rushing out of a very important meeting and parking your car in a did-you-park-it-or-crash-it manner, you were sprinting across the play ground and towards the front entrance. Having given up half way through, you’d kicked your stupidly high heels off and held them in one hand, trying to organise your slightly disheveled hair as you entered the building. Most parents might have been nervous to collect their kid after a call from the principle, but this was a regular Tuesday for you. Jack was a good kid, perhaps just a little...misguided. In your books, it was impressive that a five year old had managed to discover pyrotechnics, though you sensed the school might have been a little less lenient about it. 

‘Hey!’ You greeted the principle with a smile as you breezed through the doors. 

Jack was in a chair by the front desk, a gleeful look on his face when he saw you. As far as he knew or cared, he got to go home early and watch Paw Patrol for the rest of the day. 

‘Afternoon.’ He replied. ‘You’re lucky it was only a phone call.’

‘I know, I know.’ You grumbled. ‘I’m sorry. He’s...adventurous-’

‘ - he singed off his class mate’s eyebrows!’ The principle cut you off. ‘Given Monday’s biting incident, I see it fit that Jack take the rest of the week off.’

‘Right.’ You sighed. ‘Thank you. And sorry again.’

‘I’ll email you a list of...behavioural specialists.’ He muttered.

‘There’s nothing wrong with my kid. He’s just...curious.’ You insisted. ‘C’mon, buddy. Let’s go home.’

Jack sprung up from the chair, taking your hand in his and skipping out the door beside you. Parenting had been hard enough when you’d been married, and even harder now that his dad was out of the picture. It meant that everything fell on your shoulders; school runs, packed lunches, earning money, staying sane. You barely found the time to sleep, let alone go to soccer matches or take him to extra curricular activities. It meant that the stay-at-home mums - the ones who drove minivans and had specified walking shoes and shared memes about parenting on Facebook - muttered about you. 

I heard Jack’s mum couldn’t make it to the parent-teacher association meeting because there was a divorce hearing. 

Look at the kid’s lunch! Oh the saturated fat, the horror!

What do you MEAN your five year old isn’t vegan?!

Frankly, you wanted to whack them over the head with their own damn vision boards. So what if your kid was a little rough around the edges? He’d discovered fire today! If it had been in the stone ages, that would have been impressive. The kind of thing that would have earned him a McDonald’s, had the fast food chain been around at the dawn of time. With the way things were going, paired with the fact you knew your fridge was empty, it looked like you were heading for a Happy Meal anyway. 

‘So do I get all week off?’ Jack peered up at you, tugging on your arm.

‘Yup, all week.’ You sighed. ‘But it’s not a reward, okay? It’s...’

You stopped in your tracks when you saw Marcus Moreno’s car pull up in the lot. Naturally, it was expensive and electric and perfectly between the white lines. He gave your less-than-stellar parking a frown as he breezed by - not that you noticed. Frankly, you were too busy admiring him. You saw his face more on the news than you did in person, but he was beautiful. Talk, dark, handsome and mysterious, but also...friendly and approachable. He’d held the door open for you once two years ago and that had been it for you. There had been whispers about the fact he was a widow, though you’d tried not to pay attention to them. It wasn’t anyone’s damn business. You knew he was a good dad; you’d had the chance to meet Missy when Jack had got his head stuck between the playground fence and she’d helped pull him out. She was sweet and well-behaved and clearly well brought up. Could you say the same for your own kid? Eh, parenting was all trial and error. 

‘It’s what?’ Your son’s voice dragged you back to reality. ‘Am in trouble?’

‘What?!’ You jumped at the question. ‘No, I just...’

‘Because Principle Eikner said I’d done something bad.’

A small sigh escaped your mouth; placing his backpack on the ground, you knelt down to his height, gently placing your hands on his shoulder. ‘You haven’t done anything wrong, little man. We're just gonna take a few days out to talk about the rules and what it means to do the right thing, okay?’

‘Dad always said not to listen to the rules.’

‘Your dad said a lot of things.’ You reminded him. You stood back up, offering your hand to him. ‘Let’s go home.’

After a few minutes of bartering and the promise of a McDonald’s, you finally made your way back to the car, now with Jack attached to your back. If giving him a piggy back ride meant getting home quicker, it was a price you were willing to pay, especially since the other mums were starting to arrive to pick up their kids. The parking lot was slowly filling up with minivans - compared to your decade-old Honda Civic. It had seen better days, and one too many run ins with other cars and parking lot bollards. Still, it got the job done. 

‘Oh, I’m so glad to see you!’ You froze in your tracks again. This time, it wasn’t because of Marcus Moreno’s otherworldly presence, but rather due to the sound of the resident soccer mum. 

‘Carol.’ You turned around to face her (slowly, given the five year old on your back) with a forced smile on your face. ‘Hi.’

‘I take it you’re here for the parent-teacher’s association meeting?’ She gave you a phoney grin, handing you a leaflet. ‘I know you couldn’t make the last one, because of your...d-i-v-o-r-c-e hearings.’ 

‘I can spell!’ Jack chirped from behind you.

‘It’s okay, buddy.’ You reached up to ruffle his hair, smile not faltering. ‘But yeah, you’re right. And what about it?’

‘Nothing.’ Carol quickly shook her head. ‘So you are coming to this one? It starts in ten minutes.’

Truth be told, you’d no idea there was even a meeting tonight. You usually ignored the damn things until the news letter came out, and then you could read it from the comfort of your sofa with a glass of wine. There was nothing you stopping going tonight, aside from your intense hatred for them. 

‘I wanna get home and watch South Park!’ Jack chirped from behind you.

‘I don’t - I mean...I don’t let my five year old watch South Park.’ You said. ‘He walked in on me watching it one time and...point is, yes, I’m here for the meeting!’

‘No, you’re not-’

‘- Jack, just sssh!’ 

Carol blinked in surprise, but her phoney smile returned a moment later. ‘Excellent! I’ll see you inside.’

You inwardly groaned. Why had you just done that? You fucking despised sitting in a stuffy gym for the better part of an hour, listening to the perfect mums bang on about healthy eating and limiting their kids’ internet time. You already questioned your parenting skills as it was - the meetings only made it worst. You didn’t assimilate into that crowd; they were all married, with big houses out in the ‘burbs and bank accounts that could cover their kids ever-expanding interests and activities. Meanwhile, you were living on one wage and your two-bedroom apartment had a balcony, not a back garden. If Jack wanted to go on a field trip, you usually had to save up for months. You didn’t know if you envied the other mums’ lives, but you certainly weren’t jealous of how they viewed working mums and single parents. 

‘That lady is mean.’ Jack murmured from your shoulders.

‘Yeah buddy, I know.’ You nodded. ‘Guess we’re going back to school.’

--

Lugging the kid and his bag back up the school yard and towards the building was exhausting - at least it was your work out for the week done. By the time you’d reached the gym and placed Jack back on the ground, your shoulders were aching and you were disappointed to see that the refreshments didn’t have any alcohol. Was it too late to sneak out? The fire exit was right there and-

‘- shame this thing doesn’t have any wine, huh?’ A man was stood next to you, arms folded across his chest as he stared at the luke-warm jug of coffee on the table ahead. 

Tall, dark hair, stubble and with a faint hint of expensive aftershave you pretended not to notice? Hello, Marcus Moreno. Goodbye, ability to form coherent sentences.

You blinked in surprise. ‘Yeah. I could do with a glass. Or ten.’

‘So you hate these things too, huh?’ He smiled. 

‘With a passion.’ You returned the gesture. ‘I’m only here because Carol and her Karen Committee kept muttering about me not being at the last one.’

‘Yeah, same here. I was attending an emergency meeting about nuclear arms in Vienna, but I guess this is more important.’

‘I was...’ in court, signing documents to end my marriage, ‘otherwise occupied too.’

Marcus nodded in understanding. ‘Kids alone are a full time job, huh? ‘Specially when you’re the only one who’s running around after them.’

He knew about your situation and in return, figured that you knew about his. He’d heard the whispers about the divorce and presumed that the loss of his wife had been subject to similar gossip. The environment amongst the parents was shockingly similar to high school and things got around pretty quickly. You both hated it, especially given the nature of both your circumstances; death and separation was not something other people should have been talking about. Especially when you all you wanted to do was mind your own business and raise your damn (chaotic) kid.

‘Yeah, tell me about it.’ You replied. ‘My kid is like...a baby crackhead, as well. He’s been sent home twice this week and it’s only Wednesday.’

‘Oh, Jack’s your kid?’

You let out a groan, holding your face in your hands. ‘Yeah. Famously so, apparently.’

‘No, it’s not a bad thing!’ Marcus chuckled, pulling your hands away. ‘He played a brilliant baby Jesus in the Nativity last year.’

‘Aside from when he bit one of the three wise men, yeah.’ You could feel your cheeks heating up. ‘Missy actually helped him once. She seems really...not at all like my child. Which is good.’

‘She told me about the fence incident.’ He nodded. ‘May I ask why he was shoving his head out of the school gates?’

‘He saw an interesting looking slug.’ You replied.

Your conversation was interrupted by Carol, who had now climbed up on stage. She tapped the microphone and cleared her throat, gesturing to everyone to sit down so that the meeting could start. You wanted to curse her. Whatever giddy conversation you were having with Marcus was a thousand times more interesting than the PTA. At least you could revel in the fact he didn’t want to be here either.

‘Shall we?’ Marcus gestured to two empty seats a few rows back.

‘I mean, it’s an aisle seat, which is good for a quick escape if Jack decides to be Jack,’ you nodded in agreement. ‘Hey kid, c’mon!’

Turning away from the other kids, Jack sprinted towards you, hurling himself into your lap as he sat down. You let out an oof! and a groan. He wasn’t as light as he used to be a toddler. He stayed still for a moment, tiny hands clasping yours, before he realised who you were sat next to. The kids’ impression of Marcus was not quite the same as yours - he’d only seen him on TV, with the likes of all the heroes. You couldn’t remember their names (but in your defence, they were kind of ridiculous). 

‘Are you a superhero?’ He reached up, poking Marcus in the cheek. 

‘Jack!’ You hissed. ‘You can’t-’

‘- yeah, buddy.’ Marcus ruffled his hair. ‘But it’s my day off today, so I’m doing all this boring stuff instead.’

‘Can you fly? Do you know Miracle Guy? Have you fought aliens? Do you have a super suit? Do you know Iron Man? Wait! Can I be a superhero?!’

‘No, yes, yes, no, no and maybe when you’re older.’ He counted the questions off on his fingers. ‘But for now we have to keep quiet for the meeting. That would make you a superhero.’

--

You wanted to marry Marcus Moreno.

Seriously, you wanted to marry him.

His little comment had kept Jack quiet the entire meeting. And it was a long fucking meeting indeed. The last time he’d shut up for that long was...probably before he learnt to talk. You loved he was full of curiosity and questions, but he didn’t always understand that there was a time and a place. At least now you knew what would shut him up. 

‘How does Miracle Guy fly? Is Batman real? Are you rich? Do you know Wonder Woman? How does her lasso of truth work?’

‘Jack.’ You groaned. 

You were walking out of the school now and down towards the car park. Missy was in tow, tapping away on her phone, whilst Jack trotted alongside you and Marcus. He’d been spewing questions at the poor man pretty much since the meeting had ended - and yet, he seemed happy to answer them. Excited, even. It was clear that he loved his job.

‘You gotta give Mr Moreno a break, little man.’ You said.

‘Hey, just Marcus is fine.’ He replied. 

‘Hey Just Marcus, I’m dad.’ Missy chimed from beside you, not even looking up from her phone. It was...impressive, actually.

‘I already regret buying her that.’ Marcus murmured. 

The two of you eventually reached your cars. The Civic was still terribly parked across two spaces - you were a good driver, you’d just been in a rush. The dents and scrapes all over the doors and bumper implied other wise but hey, we move. You had a thousand and one other things to save up before a new car. Putting down the deposit on a house - one you could actually own, maybe a little further out from the city - was your number one concern. Paying off your divorce attorney came after that. 

‘It was nice to meet you properly.’ You pulled your keys out your back, tugging four empty packets of crisps and three bags of gummy worms with it. 

‘I’m not done asking questions-’

‘- you gotta let Marcus go, JJ.’ You peered down at Jack. ‘Sorry. He’s a little obsessed with the Heroics, but I guess you’ve worked that one out.’

‘Can I visit your base?’ He continued, ignoring you. 

Marcus knelt down to his height, a grin on his face. ‘I’ve got a free window tomorrow afternoon. You wanna come by? Your mum tells me you’re off school for the rest of the week.’ 

‘Really?’ You blinked in surprise. ‘I mean, I’m sure he would love that but I’m at work and he’s gotta go to my mum’s.’

Your mother also doubled up as your baby-sitter. In an ideal world, you would have been able to afford a professional, but this was very much the opposite of an ideal world. It was the real world, and you were constantly juggling a thousand things at once. Never in a million years would you have changed it but there were days when you wanted to cry. When it was 9PM and Jack suddenly chimed in that he had a science project due the next day, or when he refused to eat his dinner because his chicken nuggets weren’t shaped like dinosaurs and fed them to the dog. 

Marcus looked, on the surface at least, like he had his shit together. He worked in a public facing job and he always looked put together. His car wasn’t covered in bumps and bruises and the inside probably wasn’t covered in yoghurt like yours. He seemed as though he got more than five hours sleep a night and his child was well-behaved. 

‘I’m sure we can work something out.’ He said. ‘If you give me your number, I’ll give you a call.’

‘Uh, yeah! Of course.’ He’d asked for your number. No big deal. 

You switched phones - naturally, his was much more high-tech than yours - and entered in your respective numbers. The whole thing made you admire Marcus even more; he didn’t have to have your tyrannical son over to his office, yet he offered to. He’d clearly seen how excited he’d gotten and it seemed like he’d found it endearing. 

‘Are you okay?’ Marcus asked quietly, suddenly putting his hand on your shoulder. ‘You suddenly zoned out.’

‘Yeah, sorry.’ You rubbed your eyes. ‘I got about three hours sleep last night. I would blame it on the terrible twos but I guess it’s the...fucking awful fives?’

He quickly turned his attention to Jack, opening the car door for him. ‘You wanna hop in? I’m just gonna talk to your mom about you visiting, yeah?’

'There’s Cheetos in the centre console!’ You called after him.

Once Marcus had shut the door, he turned around to face you. There was silence for a minute, and he just kind of...stared at you. You couldn’t read his expression or quite figure it out, but he had an eyebrow quirked and a look of...concern? Sympathy?

‘I recognise that look. It’s the help! I’m suddenly a single parent to a five year old and it feels like the world is eating me alive look.’ He said. ‘It’s the exact same one I had six years ago. Missy was about Jack’s age when...when it became just me and her.’

You softly smiled. ‘It’s not been easy.’

‘You’re doing a good job, okay?’ He gave your shoulder a light squeeze. ‘And if you ever need him off your hands for a few hours, I’ll gladly give him a tour of our headquarters.’

‘Thank you. So much, for both of those things.’ Your eyes fell to the ground. ‘It’s a refreshing change from Carol and her Pinterest boards and half-assed invitations to potlucks.’

‘God, I can’t stand all that.’ Marcus chuckled. 

‘I gotta get back now because I can see that Jack is about smush Cheetos over my break pedals but I’ll...’ you trailed off, forcing yourself to look at him and smile. ‘I’ll call you.’

‘I look forward to it.’ 

[southernxwolf]

TASK #24: MEET THE MUNS

OOC About Your Character(s)

1.     What do you want to get out of playing this character(s)?

To watch her continuously grow and evolve as both a person and a wolf.

2.     Describe your character(s) with three words.

Kind, insecure, strong

3.     What made you decide to write this muse?

She was just an idea that I came up with about..six or seven years ago, who’s evolved with time and the different role plays that she’s in. She’s a part of me, and I honestly don’t feel right in a group unless I have her.

4.     If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

Really, nothing. Everything that she’s been through, including her current loss, has made her into the person that she is. The good and the bad, it’s all part of her.

5.     If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

Breathe girl. You have to take care of yourself if you want to continue taking care of others.

6.     If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

A spa day. And she’d probably give it to someone else lol.

7.     If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

Some of her selflessness. It can be so self-destructive at times, as she doesn’t know when to say no.

8.     If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?

Her selflessness as well! In all, it’s one of her best and worst qualities.

9.     Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

I really do! Even though it may not seem like it at times. After all that she’s been through she deserves to be happy.

10. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

I do, but only to an extent. Too much can get to be unrealistic as well as taxing on my motivation.

11. What do you love about your muse?

Her compassion, strength, sense of humor, nerdiness. And I sure wish that I could cook like her!

12. What do you hate about your muse?

Sometimes she sees the good in the wrong people, even though it can be right in front of her face. And she could stand up for herself more.

13. What about your muse amuses you?

How awkward and silly she can be. She really does have a goober sense of humor and doesn’t take herself too seriously most of the time.

14. What about your muse makes you sad?

What a sadness magnet she always seems to be. Even when I try to keep her happy, some outside factor always seems to make things come crashing onto her head lol.

15. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?

This is Qhuinn! She’s a sweetheart who will talk your ear off about Harry Potter and anything else pop culture, but then make you cupcakes to make up for annoying you.

16. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

I would adore her, honestly. We would have lots of laughs and movie nights and I would ask her to teach me to cook.

17. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?

I think that I’m less selfless and trusting than she is. I’m definitely more guarded. So in a way, she’s better than me because she is all of that. I swear this makes perfect sense in my head lol.

18. Why do you think you connect to your muse?

I think that we’re a lot a like in many ways, and that she’s like the best friend or sister that I always wish that I had.

19. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

Her compassion, and it’s the same for Qhuinn. She tries as hard as she can to hold on to that compassion and her humanity, which makes what’s currently happening to her all the more fascinating to me.

20. Has your character(s) changed over the time that you have been playing them? How have they changed?

Oh yeah, I find that she’s changed quite a bit. What makes her fundamentally Qhuinn is still the same, but she’s no longer the clueless young wolf who was scared of her own shadow. She’s grown into a strong and competent wolf and woman.

About You!

1.     What is your name?

Alecia

2.     What is your profession?

Housecleaner, cook, laundry person, Uber driver, private tutor/councelor/physician..or just a mom :P

3.     What do you do to relax?

Read, watch TV/movies, lock myself in my room with my cats, play The Sims 4

4.     What is your favorite treat (desert)?

Anything with chocolate

5.     Favorite movie

Steel Magnolias

6.     Favorite book

Little Women

7.     Favorite vacation spot

Disney World or Gatlinburg, Tennessee

8.     Favorite Disney movie

Sleeping Beauty

9.     How did you first get into role playing?

I had seen Harry Potter rp’s floating around Facebook and just decided to give it a try one day.

10. What was your first platform? If it was something other than Tumblr, what made you get into Tumblr?

Chatzy, then Facebook for quite a few years, then finally Tumblr. I got into Tumblr because I was looking to get out of Harry Potter rp’s and into something different and more adult and was told that Tumblr was the place to look

11. What’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

I use way..too…many…ellipses lol

12. Are there any languages besides English in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

Just English for me!

13. Do you listen to music while your write?

When I’m alone, which isn’t often at all. Otherwise I’m watching TV/movies/YouTube videos

14. Are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

Afternoon. That’s when my mind is the most awake

15. How does tiredness affect your writing?

It can greatly affect it. I either ramble or sit and stare at the same reply for twenty minutes. There is no in-between

16. What is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

Distractions. But in a way, I think that it’s made me a better role-player? I’m so used to being interrupted and distracted that I can pretty much rp through anything. I can leave a draft for hours and come back and finish it without a problem. It’s definitely made me more understanding and flexible. So that, and motivation. But I know that I’m certainly not alone in that this year!

17. How many drafts is a paralyzing amount?

Anything over twenty per character

18. Is there anything character-wise or writing style-wise that you can’t stand?

God-modding, writing that obviously has had no thought or effort at all put into it, and when things are just assumed instead of me being communicated with.

19. What kind of anonymous questions are your favorite?

Anything that makes me think about my muses, or is just fun even if it’s a bit mindless. Sometimes we all need those, they’re like palate cleansers for the muse!

20. What is your weakest point in writing? Angst, fluff, dialogue, etc.?

Angst, but only if I’m the one who has to think of it lol. And smut. I don’t often think that I’m the best and find myself to be too repetitive sometimes.

[dark-days-dark-nights-xx]

Analester phanfic masterpost

Because ky is v busy at the moment, I decided to make a masterpost of her phanfics to save her the effort! (Also I’m a massive fan of her writing, Ky trash number one if you will). If you haven’t checked out her works yet, they’re amazing and well worth the read! Without further ado:

Key:

angst: @

fluff: ~

smut: *

kinks: &

trigger warning: !

ONESHOTS:

A Bit Much  * - 1.7k

“I’ll teach you. Do you want to see all of me?” Phil teases, smiling when Dan nods frantically. “Okay, Bear, you can take my boxers off if you want. Come on.”

With shaky hands, Dan slowly pulls off Phil’s boxers, slowly revealing the sight that he’s been anticipating this whole night.

“Holy fuck,” Dan gasps as he successfully removes the undergarment.

Alone* - 1k

Phil hasn’t gotten off in so long. He was actually starting to lose his mind because he was never left by himself to properly wank. So when Dan was assigned to present a gaming documentary and he was to travel around Europe, Phil couldn’t help but be a little excited to have Dan finally out.

And now, here Phil was sitting on his bed looking at something he never thought he was going to use for as long as he lived.

Anything For You, Baby *&! - 2k

When Phil met Dan, he looked so innocent. Phil wanted to be the one to ruin Dan’s innocence, make him his. And that’s exactly what he did.

Big Mistake ~*& - 2k

“Aw, did someone actually take the Viagra this morning?” Dan jokes, still stroking Phil through his pajama pants. Phil’s eyes widen as he pieces together the puzzle. The not paying attention to the label, the weird tasting vitamins, the sudden change in his body chemistry. Phil had taken Viagra instead of his vitamins.  

Black and Blue or Gold and White ~ - 0.9k

“Guys please help me - is this dress white or gold, or blue and black? Me and my friends can’t agree and we are freaking the fuck out.”

Broken @~ - 1k

“…And I don’t know, I just want someone to be with. Feel what I’m feeling, you know?” Dan’s voice echoes in Phil’s head, but he can’t hear anything else. Of course, that’s what Dan wants. That’s what any other normal person would want. But Phil wasn’t normal.

Dan Loves ~ - 0.8k

Dan was in love.

Definitely Cherry * - 1.7k

“I found your dildo, okay?” Dan blurts out. His hand quickly covers his mouth with the hand that wasn’t holding his pizza. It was Phil’s turn to blush, feeling all the heat rush to his cheeks and a little to his pants. Phil decided to play it off cool.

Distraction @* - 1.2k

The irony of how Dan was the one drowning in his thoughts, but being the cause of why Phil is drowning in his.

How Considerate ~* - 2k

Phil gulps as Dan guides him to the sofa. Dan sits Phil down and climbs onto his lap.

If We Took A Holiday ~ - 3.5k

The sound of his mum’s voice was coming from downstairs, making Dan tear his eyes away from the suitcase. They’ve been planning this holiday for about a month now and he hasn’t found it in his to be excited about it.

I Didn’t Mean To ~* - 1k

“Hey Dad, Pa, can I- OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Jason shrieks, quickly bringing his hands to cover his eyes and shut the door right away.

I Don’t Care @* - 2.6k

Dan walks out of the room and comes back with his phone, “I want you back, okay?”

Makin’ Love in the Kitchen ~* - 1.7k

Unfortunately, Dan woke up the next morning with no memory of the kiss. Phil decided to keep it to himself and not bring it up again. He was sure Dan didn’t like him that way, even if he might show some kind of affection every now and then.

More Wit, A Better Kiss * - 2.2k

When Dan wakes up, he’s not in Phil’s bedroom. When Dan wakes up, he has no fucking idea where he is. He looks around the room, rubbing his eyes before squinting them, trying to make sense of the atmosphere around him. He didn’t recognise the duvet or the giant piano on the other side of the room. A sinking feeling started to appear in his chest.

Patience *& - 1.9k

“Dan, I swear to go-”

“I’ll do it if daddy asks nicely.”

“Fuck.”

Phil @ - 0.5k

Most days, Phil is okay. He would smile, he would make mistakes, he would be happy with his life. He would believe life can’t stop him. He is unstoppable. On other days, very rare days, Phil gives up.

Quiet ~* - 1.4k

Once they were sure Martyn was in bed, Phil was on top of Dan, grinding their lengths together while their lips connected in a sloppy, uncontrolled kiss. Dan held onto Phil’s hips, bringing him closer than physically possible, pressing their bodies together.

Raw Footage * - 1.2k

With shaky hands, the camera turns on, revealing a very naked Phil sitting on the bed. His legs are crossed in front of him, his hands in his lap, hiding his leaking cock from the camera. Dan’s voice was low and sinful. He chuckles darkly and zooms in on Phil.

Right There * - 1.9k

“No, I saw this one thing and I really wanted to try it…” Phil trails off, studying Dan’s face to see if he was opposed to the idea. Dan’s face changes into a smirk and he straddles Phil’s lap.

Shorts *& - 1.5k (my personal favourite)

Dan has seen Phil in shorts countless amount of times. Really, he has. And for the most part, it didn’t really affect him in any way. He’s seen Phil in boxers, hell, he’s seen Phil naked and hard, so why the hell is it starting to get to him now?

Something New *& - 2k

Lip Freak: The Strongest BUZZING Lip Balm In the Whole World.

Dan must’ve been standing there for five minutes, fixated on that seemingly innocent product. Before he could convince himself to not buy it, it was swept into his shopping cart and on the checkout counter.

I’m going to do this, Dan thought to himself as he watches the cashier scan his items, cracking his fingers absentmindedly.

Stone @~* - 2.2k

“Hey! Wait!” the voice speaks back to him. Dan’s eyes catch his shadow, his ears and tails prominent. Why wasn’t that person screaming at him, or calling him names? Why did this person want to talk to him?

Dan stops in his tracks and turns around. He’s met with a man about as tall as him, eyes blue and soft. It reminds Dan of how he feels when he submerges himself in the bath: refreshing and clean. He was quite beautiful in Dan’s opinion, but that didn’t stop him from being scared of him.

This One’s For You ~* - 1.4k

“Well, if you insist,” smile playing along Dan’s lips as he cranes his neck up slightly. Phil bends his head down slightly in response, connecting their lips lazily. They stay like that for a bit, tongues brushing against each other’s softly, no sense of urgency in their movements. Phil starts to feel hot and shifts slightly before attempting to deepen the kiss. Dan is the first one to pull away, his eyes half lidded.

Those Damn Glasses @* - 3k

Dan arches his back as shocks of pleasure course through his bones, his legs wrapped around a body on top of him as he feels delicious friction in his lower regions. He hears panting from the person above him, hot breath ghosting over his neck. Dan tries to focus his vision, trying to find a face to the body.

Too Long * - 1.1k

It has been too long, too fucking long, since Dan has done something. With the book, and the traveling, and the constantly hanging out with a hot flatmate, sexual urges build up and it has been too long since Dan has done something about it.

Until now.

What You’re Missing @* - 3.1k

When he approaches the bedroom, he finds Dan curled up on the very edge of the bed. He rolls his eyes and sits in front of where Dan is facing.

You Tried ~ - 1.1k

It was hard to register that he was standing there right in front of him. The AmazingPhil. Actual AmazingPhil was standing right in front of him. Dan didn’t know what to do. He shyly looked up at Phil through his brown fringe, arms crossed over his chest.

You’re My Best Friend @~* - 1.8k

Phil always wanted a best friend, but he was so strange, no one actually gave the time to tolerate him, which was kind of weird because they were 5 years old and were they really that narrow-minded? But all of that changed after Dan came into his life.

19 October ~* - 1.2k

He sits there and thinks of the times they had together. The happy ones, the non-happy ones, and the ones in between. He thinks about how if he didn’t stumble across Phil’s videos on that one special day, he wouldn’t be here today. He wouldn’t be here with a book written, or a SIM card, or over 9 million subscribers combined with Phil’s. He wouldn’t be doing what he loved for a living. He wouldn’t be Dan.

25 ~* - 1.7k

Dan’s birthday in Vegas starts off with him waking up to 25 kisses all over his face. His vision was still blurry as he was still waking up, but Phil’s soft lips pressing against his face made him smile and hum contentedly.

SONGFICS:

Friends - Ed Sheeran @~ - 1.4k

Their relationship was never platonic.

Hold Me Down - Halsey @* - 1.8k

Dan knows he should’ve kept his mouth shut, otherwise he wouldn’t be in the mess. He doesn’t even remember much about anything. Just that he was in a room that wasn’t his home, laying on sinfully red velvet cushions. What the fuck happened to bring him here?

You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift @~ - 2.1k

Dan sees Phil from the house across him. He’s yelling into his phone yet again. Dan guesses it’s probably Phil’s girlfriend that he’s had for almost a year now. Dan and Phil were best friends, there for each other since Year 1.

DRABBLES:

Being Dan @ - 0.4k

Being Dan is hard and sometimes, Dan doesn’t want to be Dan anymore

Congrats ~* - 0.9k

“I actually think I might cry, Phil, oh my god. 5,000,000 subscribers. No, fuck it, I’m crying,” Dan lets a tear slip from his eyes, prompting his boyfriend to hug him from behind. Phil plants a kiss on Dan’s cheek, tasting the slightly salty tear on his lips.

Midnight * - 0.6k

Phil’s face is red and he is panting like a dog, but at this point, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that the bed is creaking every time he pushes his hips up to meet the warm, wet mouth that was encasing his cock. He doesn’t care about how rough his grip is on Dan’s hair as he tries to slowly force his dick further into his mouth. He doesn’t care about anything at the moment because right now, he was getting the best blowjob in his life and he could care less about anything else.

One Second @ - 0.6k

“Phil was his light. Phil was his sunshine. But his sunshine wasn’t there. His sunshine was gone.”

Rimmed * - 0.3k

Dan was on his stomach, trying to control his breathing as Phil peppers kisses down his back. He grinds his hips slowly into the mattress, mewling at the friction. Phil makes his way to his bum, taking the skin between his teeth and bites softly. Dan groans, his fingers gripping the duvet.

Shower * - 0.5k

Dan strips off his clothes and turns on the shower, reaching his hand out to feel the temperature of the water. When he decides it’s warm enough, he steps in, visibly relaxing as the water hits his back in a gentle massage. He closes his eyes, his head falling back as water drips down his face. He hears the door unlock and opens his eyes, smiling when Phil steps in. He watches as Phil take off the shirt, smiling when Phil catches his eye.

Tired @ - 0.5k

Phil was tired of being Phil, and he makes the decision to start a new chapter in his life.

Tour Thoughts ~* - 0.8k

Dan and Phil can’t sleep one night while on tour, so they occupy themselves with blowjobs and dirty talk

Vanilla * - 0.8k

it’s a vanilla kind of night in dan and Phil's flat

MULTI-PART

Apples and Desks | Teachers and Memories ~*&

Teacher!AU

Danisafuckingtease | Amazingedged ~*&

Smut ;)

Thanks for the Memories @* 

2009 x 2015 crossover where 2009!Dan and 2015!Dan switch places

We Keep This Love in a Photograph | part 2 ~

Phil is a photographer and single dad Dan likes to flirt with him during his children’s photo shoots

CHAPTERED

In Another Life (WIP) *

a chaptered fic made up of a series of smutty oneshots taking place in the pastel!dan and punk!phil alternate universe

The Bad List (WIP) @~ 

Angel!Phil AU

PBB

I Used to Obsess Over Living, Now I Only Obsess Over You @*

Dan loves Phil, or at least the Phil that is put out on the internet. But this isn’t enough for Dan. He wants to know more and more about Phil. Stalker!Dan AU where he kidnaps Phil and tries to get him to love him… and eventually, he does.

You Stole | Part 2 @*

Sugardaddy!AU where uni student!Dan needs to find a way to pay off his student loans and it just so happens that a rich, successful and unhappily married Phil picks up his flyer. Will Phil be able to leave behind the life he’d spent years building for a chance at happiness?

CRACK

A Beautiful Surprise - 0.4k

Phil was totally hungry (a/n: #relatable phil lolzor oops sorry i’ll continue) and all he wanted was yummy, yummy desert. The walking six foot stick with black hair skipped to the kitchen and found a beautiful, chocolate cake in the fridge. Looking at the sweet food, Philip licked his lips, much like a dog with a very long tongue, and proceeded to take the said food out of the cold box of food storage.

OTHER

A Scary Story - <100 words

Dan couldn’t stop running. He knows it’s behind him and he knows it’s not going to leave him alone.

[asylum-miniatures]

Guild Interview tape 33291:

1# - let us begin, yes.  Beginning member review, sate your name for the record yes 2# - Sim with an e 1# - so, sime yes, you have been a member since you were a child, a recruit from one of the city orphanage runs yes? 2# - it's sim, 1# - with an e, sime yes 2# - [sigh] yes I came from up north. 1# - yes, from your psychological profiles I understand you had difficulty connecting to your peers yes 2# - so the guild made a profile on me, little cree...wait profiles, as in plural? 1# - yes, it is customary to make additional profiles for difficult cases or after exceptional circumstances yes.  You should see the draw we have for the one ninja, but I digress on private guild information, you had difficulty with your peers, yes 2# - yeah....I always felt a little out of place, like I didn't belong there 1# - do not worry, yes, this is perfectly normal for child in your situation, as well as the years of wanton sexual activity with many partners both in and out of the guild yes 2# - HEY! 1# - again, yes, do not worry, such activities are perfectly natural and within acceptable guidelines yes.  You have done nothing that you should feel ashamed of, or that your peers will look down on you for, yes 2# - I am starting to really dislike you 1# - anger towards figures of authority, again perfectly normal yes 2# - now I definitely dislike you 1# - I will make a note in your next profile, yes 2# - CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS ALREADY! 1# - yes, so poor little orphan years aside, we are here to discuss your last mission, in particular,who you brought back, yes 2# - if you start talking crap about my angel I swear I'll... 1# - nonono, yes, I wouldn't do something like that yes, I don't have a profile on her yet, that's why we're having this meeting, yes.  As guildmaster likes to say, let's start at the beginning.... 2# - ...... 1# - yes 2# -well the team had been asked to sort out a land dispute between two towns.  The problem was that hostilities had gotten so bad that we couldn't get from one towns to another.  We really need to though, so we start brainstorming ideas...we started getting desperate 1# - is that why we received so many creative complaints, yes, tell me, who came up with plan to charge boarder by riding prize pig yes? 2# - ...... 1# - it's ok, yes, stupid ideas are common amongst unwanted orphan baby recruits as well, yes 2# - I really hate you 1# - yes, noted, yes 2# -so, this hadn’t worked and the rest of the team were all having a laugh at me for trying it.  They even decided to wait until morning to heal me “just so that I learn my lesson properly”, jerks.  So, we get back to the bar and I collapse at the first seat I can find.  [sigh], little did I know that was the greatest decision of my life.  As I lay there, my angel, in her infinite kindness, used her blessed touch to restore me.  I will never forget looking up and seeing her heavenly face in a look of divine concentration 1# - according to her report, yes, she took pity on the bleeding idiot flopped next to her and decided to heal her so she would stop making a mess near her books, yes.  She didn’t even look away from the book she was reading, yes 2# - from the first moment, I knew she was my forever girl, and I swore myself there and then to always be by her side 1# - Her report did note her stress and duress and first being proposed to, yes, then being dragged behind for several days by previously mentioned ‘bleeding idiot, yes.  In fact, according to the reports you violated guild policy by taking said civilian into combat AND showing her private and confidential documentation, yes. 2# - When she asked to have a look, why I knew that her divine wisdom and intellect would surely see us through the eldritch scribblings and see the truth hidden beneath.  And it payed off too, for only her wisdom and beauty could have gotten both sides to ease their aggressions and come to a peaceful conclusion 1# - Yes, she was the only one amongst your entire braindead party who cared enough to read the documentation being argued over, yes.  In fact, if you had not dragged the unqualified, uncertified, unregistered, underequipped, uncaring civilian along, then none of your weak minded, addle brained assassinates or your own hormonally shanked pitiful excuse of a cerebellum would have realised neither village owned the land in question, that as per the original documentation all the land in the area belongs to the king and as such is merely ‘rented out’ so all talks of land rights are null and void. 2# - why with her divine foresight and brilliant mind 1# - she filled out proper paperwork, yes? 2# - we quickly resolved the issue in its entirety without further bloodshed.  I knew the signs when I saw them, and asked my angel to join the guild immediately 1# - and she accepted, yes.  I guess your pathetic bleeding puppy routine must have really worked, yes 2# - you know, you’re really starting to… 1# - yes, I am sorry, let me rephrase yes.  Little bleeding puppy orphan is far more accurate, is it not yes? 2# - seriously, I am going to… 1# - anger, stemming from feelings of inadequacy, yes.  Tell me, it is shown being proven wrong affects the same part of the brain as being punched, how well do you operate with feeling like being punched constantly due to pitiful poor brain ability’s, yes? 2# - I don’t know, how about I help you see how well you work WHILE BEING PUNCHED CONSTANTLY! 1# - quick to violence as well yes, as expected from unwanted orphan puppy with loose standards yes. 2# - OK THAT’S IT, YOU ASKED FOR IT YOU SON OF A…… 3# -THAT IS ENOUGH YOU TWO 2# -Guildmaster, I’m sorry I.. 3# - could you give me a minute with Sim? 1# - yes guildmaster, yes 3# - privately 1# - do not worry, yes, I will not say a word speak as you will, yes 3# - I guess I had forgotten who I was talking to, leave the room for two minutes.  That is an express order 1# - very well, yes 2# - I’m sorry guildmaster, I just.. 3# - it’s ok, I completely understand.  He may be very good at getting all the facts and details, but people are not his strong point 2# -so you don’t mind that I got mad at him 3# - let me put it this way.  During one mission, he was interrogated and placed under a truth field.  Before they even had a chance to ask a question, he ‘truthfully’ deconstructed everything about everyone there, complete with evidence and references.  He went on for 3 hours, systematically explaining that everyone at the station was a degenerate failure, and proved that the captain’s wife had or was sleeping with nearly every officer there.  The truly shocking things is that they had deactivated the truth field 5 minutes into his rant in the hope of shutting him up.  Now run off little one, I believe someone is waiting for you in the canteen 2# - MY ANGEL, don’t worry my love, I will be with you soon! 3# - you can stop hiding now 1# - I was not hiding, yes 3# - then why did you use an invisibility potion the second you left so you could listen in 1# - it is my duty, yes, to properly examine, interrogate, profile, assess, analyse, categorise, catalogue, classify, inspect, inspect,observe and study all members of the guild, as you requested yes 3# -although that is true, I do wish that you would show more tact about it.  Maybe I need someone else in charge of the actual interviewing process. 1# - regardless, time for my recommendations, yes 3# - that was barely an interview, how do you expect to… 1# - you think my investigation only started just yes, no I have spent much time studying the two in question already, I just needed to talk in person to confirm what I already knew, yes.  I think those two should be put under immediate long-term investigation 3# -really, but there doesn’t seem to be any problem with either of them 1# - to untrained eye yes.  Consider though what happened on the mission yes, Sim immediately attached herself to a complete stranger who only showed her the most minimal care or attention, yes, and then disregarded all guild protocol by bringing her on their mission and letting her have full access to private city records yes.  This suggests an emotional vulnerability that could easily be exploited by outside forces in the future, a risk we cannot allow to go unchecked, yes.  Yurian as well is worrying, yes.  She is intelligent, yes, able to sort out information and think of plans rather than relying on brute force so she would be useful to the guild yes.  In turn, though she seems to have very little, if any yes, interest in combat itself, even when the situation calls for it she seems reluctant to contribute unless unavoidable yes.  Also, she has joined the guild on a whim, based on a random act of kindness from another whim yes.  Without proper reasons to remain loyal, who is to say what she would do on a future ‘whim’ yes?  Alone these are worrying, yes, but now they are together they pose an easy target for future anti-guild espionage, yes, such a weakness must be addressed before it can be exploited with no doubt, yes 3# - you know you have the most astounding habit of whenever I start to question why I brought you in you immediately show just how capable you truly are 1# - who said this was coincidence, yes 3# -that doesn’t surprise me.  Write this all up and send it to my office.  The amount of problem cases I have seems to be building up, I need to figure out some way of keeping an eye on all of them without them realising 1# - there is fresh bottle, yes, in third draw down from right, my compliments yes 3# - you know me so, so well